Podcast Summary: Kat on the Loose

Episode: Intimacy, Fantasies & Delicious Sex at Any Age — with Susan Bratton
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Susan Bratton, Intimacy Expert
Date: July 23, 2025

Episode Overview

In this candid, spirited, and highly informative episode, Kat Zammuto dives deep into the topics of intimacy, sexual communication, fantasies, confidence, and the joy of sex at any age with renowned intimacy expert Susan Bratton. The episode aims to normalize open conversations about sex, empower women to embrace their sexuality, break down taboos, and provide practical techniques for couples and singles to experience more pleasure and connection. Susan brings research-backed insight, a playful attitude, and real-world advice — all with a side of humor and warmth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tackling Sexual Communication & Shame

• [03:18] Kat highlights how society still silences women around sex, but open dialogue is changing things:
  "I love normalizing women speaking freely about sex, which should be a very, very healthy and important part of our lives." — Kat Zammuto
• [03:44] Susan agrees, saying shame fades with more conversation, noting:
  "The more you talk about it, the easier it gets." — Susan Bratton

2. Intimacy: Tuning into Your Needs

• [04:44] Susan explains that many women struggle to know or voice what they want, but listening to your body's cues is key.
• Introduces the concept of being an "agentic lover":
  "When you are agentic, you have agency over yourself and you’ll speak on your own behalf." — Susan Bratton [05:50]
• Women’s desires can shift throughout the month:
  "Sometimes we’re a kitty cat, sometimes we’re a tigress, and then 10 minutes later we’re a pussycat again." — Susan [05:36]
• The importance of using your "upper lips to speak for the lower lips" — in other words, clearly communicating desires and changes in preference.

3. Practical Steps for Opening Up in Bed

• The Sexual Soulmate Pact ([08:15]):
  Susan introduces her tool for couples at [08:15]:
  "It's basically what it does, is it overcomes this issue where... generally women tell me more often that they’re afraid to tell their male partner what they really want because he’s gonna think he did something wrong... when they start thinking about it, oh, it’s not failure, it’s feedback."
  • Don’t treat requests as criticism; see them as feedback.
  • Partners should not say please/thank you, but rather, "just blurt it out" during intimacy (to stay in the moment).

4. Sharing & Receiving Sexual Fantasies

• The Common Male Fear ([11:51]):
  Kat points out many men hide fantasies due to fear of being shamed or called "perverts."
• Susan’s advice: Don’t shame a partner for voicing fantasies, even if you choose not to participate:
  "Even if I don't want to do it, just the fact that you have this freedom... I am so proud of you for speaking up in bed." — Kat [13:07]
• Dirty Talk & Sharing Fantasies ([13:49]):
  Susan’s “Dirty Talk Book” (dirtytalkbook.com) and tips:
  • Start small: Express adoration/appreciation; share your favorite "frames" (highlight moments after sex).
  • Practice:
    "For most people, it’s not right. It’s like, wow, I don’t know if I’m gonna have this conversation." — Kat [15:13]
    "The more you talk about, the easier it gets." — Susan [15:20]
• Technique for Sharing Fantasies, Not Demands:
  "Don't ask for the fantasy. Just tell a fantasy story so they can hear it without the request for it." — Susan [21:30]

5. Experiencing More Pleasure & Making the Most of Foreplay

• Understanding Women's Arousal ([29:13]):
  Susan discusses that women need about 20 minutes of arousal to be fully ready:
  "Like all women, [I] take about 20 minutes to get completely engorged, for the blood to flow… connect my heart with my partner." — Susan
• Kat echoes:
  "Most men out there, if they get to five, they think… 'Oh yeah, I did a great job.' 20 minutes." [30:07]
• Demanding Adequate Foreplay:
  "Women’s bodies take 20 minutes for us to get to where yours get in one or two minutes. So we’re gonna go at my pace, not your pace." — Susan [31:11]

6. Orgasm, Toys, and Expanding Sexual Repertoires

• Vibrators & Self-Exploration ([32:25]):
  Susan recommends women have multiple pleasure toys to activate different areas, increasing types and frequency of orgasm.
• Kat loves her "bunny" vibrator and is surprised many women feel embarrassed to use toys.
• Susan’s approach:
  “Have multiple kinds of pleasure toys… orgasmic cross training.”
  “Everything I’ve been talking about is activating the tissue and engorging the vulva in ways that fingers, tongues, and penises simply can’t do.” [37:12]
• Using Toys as a Couple:
  Susan counters men’s fears about toys:
  "Toys actually help me learn to train my body to orgasm in more ways and in different ways. So that when you use your fingers, your tongue, and your penis, I'm already more orgasmic." [40:16]
• "It just makes sex better for most people, for sure." — Kat [41:02]

7. Overcoming Barriers to Communication and Dirty Talk

• First Step: Moaning as Communication ([43:44]):
  "The best way to begin to be more auditory during lovemaking is to moan… make sounds, not even talking, not communicating." — Susan
• Identify if you’re visual, auditory, or kinesthetic during sex; match (and negotiate) styles with your partner.
• "Moaning is a good first step to being able to find your words." — Susan [46:11]

8. Sexual Empowerment at Any Age

• Kat and Susan discuss how mature women can feel and express their sexuality freely, despite societal judgment:
  "I think what you do is so empowering… we should do it until we die. We’re sexual beings." — Kat [47:37]
• Susan adds:
  "I'm 64. And I am normalizing what sexy is. And I will be doing this at 84 and 94." [47:47]
• Kat: "The more you mature, you know your body better, you know what you want better. I just think it gets better and better." [48:11]

9. Handling Social Stigma and Online Trolls

• Susan’s advice:
  "When someone says a negative comment about me expressing the love of my beauty and sexuality… I move to my compassionate heart. I don’t take it personally… I just feel bad that they’ve been taught so much shame." [49:15]
• Kat agrees:
  "I send them a lot of love. Because people that are happy [say], 'Oh, good for you. Amazing.'" [49:41]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Communication
  "Use these lips [points to mouth] to speak for the lower lips." — Susan Bratton [06:00]
• On Permission and Desire
  "We must demand it, as agentic lovers who own our own pleasure… I’m not ready to be penetrated. If you penetrate me too early, I can’t get my lady boner, my clitoral erection." — Susan [31:09]
• On Toys and Orgasms
  "Everything I’ve been talking about is activating the tissue and engorging the vulva in ways that fingers, tongues, and penises simply can’t do." — Susan [37:12]
  "The toys actually help me learn to train my body to orgasm in more ways and in different ways… It makes you more orgasmic." — Susan [40:16]
• On Dirty Talk
  "The best way to begin to be more auditory during lovemaking is to moan… not even talking, not communicating." — Susan [44:21]

Selected Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:18 – Why normalizing sex talk is so important, especially for women
• 04:44 – Why women struggle to know or voice what they want in bed
• 08:15 – Introduction of the "Sexual Soulmate Pact" and reframing feedback
• 13:49 – Dirty talk basics and sharing positive frames
• 21:30 – How to share fantasies without pressuring your partner
• 29:13 – The importance and science of proper foreplay (20 minutes!)
• 32:25 – Vibrators, masturbation, and sexual self-exploration
• 40:16 – Addressing men’s fears about toys in the bedroom
• 43:44 – First step to dirty talk: moaning and making sounds
• 47:43 – Aging, sexuality, and self-expression
• 49:15 – Coping with stigma and online negativity

Final Takeaways

• Speak up: Your desires and needs are valid, ever-changing, and deserve a voice.
• Feedback is not failure: Reframe feedback with your partner as a tool for better sex, not a criticism.
• Explore openly: Toys, fantasies, and new forms of communication enrich your pleasure and your relationships.
• Keep learning: You deserve delicious sex at every age.

For links to resources and Susan’s guides, visit sexualsoulmatepact.com, dirtytalkbook.com, and drivedesire.com.
Follow Kat on Instagram and check out her YouTube channel for more unapologetic conversations on sexuality and empowerment.