← Kat on the Loose
Loading summary
Transcript227 lines
- [00:02]
Kat
On WhatsApp, no one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this. So whether you're sharing the streaming password in the family chat or trading those late night voice messages that could basically become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and your family. No one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately with everyone Summer's here and Nordstrom has everything you need for your best dress season ever. From beach days and weddings to weekend getaways in your everyday wardrobe. Discover stylish options under $100 from tons of your favorite brands like Mango Skims, Princess Polly and madewell. It's easy too, with free shipping and free returns in store order, pickup and more. Shop today in stores online@nordstrom.com or download the Nordstrom app.
- [01:00]
Susan Bratton
Jack Daniels is proudly served in fine establishments, questionable joints and everywhere in between. So no matter where you go in every bar, you'll always know someone by name.
- [01:14]
Susan
Jack Jack and Coke.
- [01:16]
Susan Bratton
Shot of Jack.
- [01:17]
Kat
Jack Daniels, please.
- [01:18]
Susan
Right away.
- [01:19]
Susan Bratton
That's what makes Jack Jack. Please drink responsibly. Responsibility.org Jack Daniels and old number seven are registered trademarks. Copyright 2025 Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey 40.
- [01:29]
Susan
Alcohol by volume 80 proof so today let's talk about one of my favorite subjects. Let's talk about sex. And if you're not comfortable talking about it or listening to it, you're welcome to get out of this episode. Go listen to something else. But I highly recommend you do stay. Enjoy, because I love normalizing women speaking freely about sex, which should be a very, very healthy and important part of our lives. And I'm bringing in this AM woman. Her energy is incredible. Susan Bratton. She's an intimacy expert to millions, a champion and advocate for everyone who desire passionate relationships. Let's talk about how to keep the flame ignited if you're a couple. What do you do if you're single? How to ask your partner for what you want in bed. How do you deal with fantasies and much more. I hope you guys enjoyed this delicious, yummy X rated episode for adults only of Cat on the Loose. But first, let's talk about something so important to a lot of us, the quality of our sleep. And I know the topic of sleep divorce has been all over the media lately when couples who still love each other decide to sleep in separate bedrooms because they cannot agree in the conditions of the sleep in their own bedroom. I met this incredible couple, the J and James, who loved to fall asleep Snuggled under the same blanket. But DJ was going through perimenopause and she was always waking up feeling super hot in the middle of the night. So one morning she woke up and she was like, what if our comforter had windows? And they created the most incredible luxury brand of comforters called Sleeping Dove. With naturally cooling windows that you can open or close depending on the temperature needs so everyone can sleep well together. Even single people such as myself that sleep with my pets, sometimes they make me feel super hot because they're all over me in the middle of the night. I just flap my window open and that's it. I invite you guys to check it out. The quality is absolutely incredible. Sleeping Dove, it's much more than a product. It's a love story, a wellness tool and a reminder that comfort should feel both beautiful, personal and shared. Sleeping dove.com and on Instagram. Sleeping Dove home. Susan welcome to Cat on the Loose.
- [03:46]
Susan Bratton
Hello Kat. I want to get loose with you.
- [03:48]
Susan
Yeah, same. I love it. As I was telling you, it's one of my favorite topics and I know my audience likes it. And I want to start by saying that, that one of the reasons that really attracted me to your work is when I was looking at your social media posts and your website, you actually mentioned that. That we be talking so much more freely and openly about sex. Which it makes me really sad that to this day and age it's still such taboo. Right?
- [04:13]
Susan Bratton
Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of shame that comes around it, that's for sure. But I think the more you talk about it, the easier it gets. And honestly with social media talking about sex all the time and people reading about it and hearing things, it's opening.
- [04:27]
Susan
Up the conversation 1 million percent. People like you help normalize. So I'm gonna, I have like 10 million questions I wanna ask. Let's try to pack as much as we can. I want to start with the tough one. Okay, so we talking about speaking. Cuz you're an intimacy expert, you have all these fun words that you use. We're going to talk about all of that but you talk about intimacy. So for couples and even people that started dating. Cuz I, I'll tell you a lot of examples that happen with me. I think. Can you tell me if you agree? One of the toughest things for a couple, especially new couples, but I know people that are together for a long time as well is to actually open up freely and speak and tell their partners what it is that they like in bed, what makes them happy, what gives Them pleasure because they're so afraid about how the other person is going to react.
- [05:13]
Susan Bratton
Yeah. I would also take that one step further, Kat, and say that for many people, especially women, they say, I don't know what I want. I just know what I'm getting, isn't it? They don't even know what they want and that makes it even harder. And I think that when people do feel that way, I say you actually do know what you want. You just need to tune into your own body. You know how we have the sense of smell and the sense of touch and sex is a sensual experience as well. That's what it literally is, senses. One of our senses is a sense called enteroception. And it's the sense of, you know, if you stubbed your toe or if you're got a fart or whatever, you know, you know what's going on inside you. You also know what your body is feeling in the moment. But one of the things that kind of makes it difficult for women is that we're, we run with the moon. Even after menopause, we're still moon women. We still go through 28 day cycles with our hormones and sometimes we're a kitty cat, but we know to be petted and loved and snuggled and sometimes we're a tigress or a lioness and we're yes, let's go. And then 10 minutes later wear a pussycat again. Because that's just how we are. And that I think is one of the beautiful things about women is that we are. When a woman has. And this is a new word that I've been using, I'm trying it on and I'd love your feedback on it. The word is being an agentic lover. And that means instead of feeling like you have your sovereign sexuality, like you own your sexuality, which feels a little lonely. Like being sovereign is, is almost like you're rowing in a boat alone. You're pretty much rowing. I mean there's mutual, there's self pleasuring, of course, and that's a great way to learn how to become orgasmic. But when you are agentic, you have agency over yourself and you'll speak on your own behalf. And when you can tap into these lips, but use these lips, the upper lips, to speak for the lower lips.
- [07:26]
Susan
I love how you explain it then.
- [07:29]
Susan Bratton
That really helps when you tune into her and you understand that because, because you're on this 28 day cycle, the thing you did last time is not the thing you're gonna wanna do this time. It's always going to want to change. And so when you tune into what your body's asking for in the moment, I want it softer, lighter. I feel like doing this now. I'm in the mood for that. First, can I get a foot rub? I need you to hold me. I'm ready for you to throw me down on the bed and plunge inside me. You know, whatever it might be.
- [08:00]
Susan
Let's say a couple out there listening to us, and they're gonna say, oh, yeah, that all sounds amazing. But is there a practical step? Because a lot of people are very embarrassed. They are so ashamed to. And I. I heard so many guys that gone through a divorce, they all say to me, you know, one of the main reasons why I want to get divorced because my sex life sucked. My wife didn't. I know. And I'm saying that for women, women are so uptight. And the men, because the women are uptight, they're embarrassed telling them what their fantasies are because they're afraid they're going to say, oh, you're a pervert, you psycho, you're cr. Is there a practical first step to open up to your partner so you can tell them exactly what you want?
- [08:44]
Susan Bratton
Yes. And I was really getting to that with the fact that we live in an animal body that cycles with the moon and that we want something different all the time. And one of the things that's exciting about having sex with us women is that we want something different all the time. We're full of good ideas if we listen to ourselves. So I have a technique. It's called the sexual soulmate pact. P A C, T, like an agreement. And I have the whole thing@sexualsoulmatepact.com for your listeners who are like, oh, I heard this thing that this expert said, and I want to do this with my partner. And it's basically what it does, is it overcomes this issue where. And it's mo. I'm going to generalize because sex is on a bell curve. You know, there's some people who never want it, some people who always want it most. I'm always speaking to the kind of big bell curve in the middle, and that is that generally women tell me more often that they're afraid to tell their male partner what they really want because he's gonna think he did something wrong. He's gonna take it as a criticism, he's going to get upset, he's gonna kind of emotionally collapse in the moment. He's gonna check out, he's gonna get angry because he Wants. And the truth is that what he wants to do is a job so well done that if he thinks he's. He feels like he failed. And men need to feel like they win.
- [10:12]
Susan
Yes. Especially in bed, by the way. Right.
- [10:15]
Susan Bratton
Especially really everywhere. But that's how we raise our boys. And so when you use the sexual soulmate pact, what you're doing is you're understanding that you live in these animal bodies, that you have to deal with the vagaries of our hormones and sleep and how much junk we ate and did we, you know, have we been exercising? All the stuff that runs our bodies, the physical bodies we're in, we are. We are animals. And people are like, no, we're Homo sapiens. Well, yeah, we're Homo sapiens. That's the branch of the tree of the animalia kingdom with the bonomos and the chimpanzees. I mean, like, it is what it is. We are, in fact, animals. Even though we like to call ourselves humankind, we're still in these bodies that are controlled by things. And so when your partner understands, when you kind of flip the mindset for them, that anything that you could say to them is not their failure, how could they know when every time you make love, you're different? And so what you're doing is it's not failure, it's feedback for them to do a fantastic job every time.
- [11:19]
Susan
Yeah, I love that feedback.
- [11:20]
Susan Bratton
And when they start thinking about it, oh, it's not failure, it's feedback. I should be willing to take this in. How could I know? Oh, I couldn't know. Okay, tell me what you need. And then there's a second part to the soulmate pact, and that is that instead of saying, oh, honey, could you please go slower or lighter or harder or softer or up here or down here instead of that or I want a spanking or whatever it is, you don't have to say please and thank you. You don't want to get out of your theta brainwave state of turn on and arousal. You want to get into your beta state of being, directing people and having to think about saying please and thank you. Just blurt it out.
- [12:03]
Susan
Yeah, no, I agree. But I think that's the. The biggest problem and for guys. So I'll give you an example, I guess, because, you know, I do the sex podcast, and I'm very open when it comes to talking about. Because of my cultures.
- [12:16]
Susan Bratton
Right.
- [12:16]
Susan
Europeans are very open about it. Sorbets. I think Americans are much more appetite.
- [12:20]
Susan Bratton
Yes.
- [12:20]
Susan
So when I'm dating someone, usually My partner, they feel very comfortable telling me what they want to do in bed. La la la la la. And. And every single guy that I ever dated, they say to me that they were never able to do that before because they are so afraid of the woman's reaction. So an example, I think every guy has, like a hidden fantasy that they want to do. Other than.
- [12:48]
Susan Bratton
Or 10.
- [12:48]
Susan
Yeah, other than. I know, the threesome. Every guy wants to do a threesome.
- [12:52]
Susan Bratton
Whatever. Don't knock threesomes. They're fantastic. Yeah.
- [12:54]
Susan
No, if you're into it, I totally agree.
- [12:56]
Susan Bratton
I did them with two guys better.
- [12:58]
Susan
Than I never did with two guys.
- [13:00]
Susan Bratton
So nice.
- [13:01]
Susan
But yeah. So the last guy I was dating last year, he said to me that he had this fantasy that he wanted to watch me sucking another guy's dick.
- [13:10]
Susan Bratton
Okay, great.
- [13:11]
Susan
And he had a few drinks and we were in bed having sex. And he told me that.
- [13:15]
Susan Bratton
Yeah.
- [13:16]
Susan
And I mean, I was turned on listening to it. I don't know if we were gonna do it or not.
- [13:20]
Susan Bratton
That's not the point to share fantasies.
- [13:22]
Susan
But after he told me, he was really embarrassed. Like, he was worried, like. And. And so I opened the conversations like, listen, I am so proud of you for speaking up in bed, telling me what you want.
- [13:36]
Susan Bratton
Good.
- [13:37]
Susan
Even if I don't want to do it. But just the fact that you have this freedom. And he was like, oh, my God, I never had a woman. Every woman. If I would dream about telling my ex wife that she would have, like, ran away, I never have a woman that would have allowed it. So what do you tell women out there if the guy comes to you with whatever it is, this fantasy, something spicier, something craz. My opinion is, even if you don't want to do it, don't make him feel bad about it.
- [14:05]
Susan Bratton
Right, of course.
- [14:06]
Susan
But a lot of women make them feel bad about it if they open up.
- [14:09]
Susan Bratton
Yeah. Another book that I wrote is called Dirty Talk. How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Weird. That's a dirty talk book. I'm dropping links as I go because.
- [14:18]
Susan
Thank you. That's a good book. Where can we find it?
- [14:21]
Susan Bratton
DirtyTalkBook.com okay, it's free. It's free download. Oh, I'm gonna read just like the Sexual Soulmate Pact. And the five ways of talking Dirty include sharing fantasies. And I think that before couples start expecting, if they're shy and they have trouble talking, start with things that are a little simpler, like expressing your appreciation, your encouragement, your adoration, rewarding your partner for a job well done, thanking them Noticing them. And then the other one that's nice. Is to say what you see. Oh, you look so beautiful to me. Your skin's so gorgeous. I love your breasts. Or I love your penis. You know, get that. That adoration is very nice. Another one is something that I call. And I learned this from one of my mentors, Dr. Patty Taylor. It's called sharing favorite frames. And it's actually after you made love, you share what a highlight moment was for you.
- [15:23]
Susan
Oh, that's a good idea.
- [15:24]
Susan Bratton
When you took your finger and there was a little oil on it, you just stroked from the top of my clitoral hood all the way down my inner labia all the way down. And how you lift up your hand.
- [15:37]
Susan
Sorry to interrupt you.
- [15:38]
Susan Bratton
Sure.
- [15:38]
Susan
You're an expert. So it's very normal for you to say these things, right?
- [15:42]
Susan Bratton
But remember.
- [15:43]
Susan
But for most people, it's not right. For most people, it's like, wow, I don't know if I'm gonna have this conversation.
- [15:49]
Susan Bratton
Well, I'm just giving you an example of something, because I'm modeling, languaging for people. You may not feel comfortable yet saying clitoral hood or inner labia or something like. But a part of learning how to talk about what felt good is to understand how to identify what it is. And so when you have me on and you give me the opportunity to have an example, it may be the first time somebody heard that, but, like, you just started off the show saying, the more you hear about and the more you talk about, the easier it gets. And so when you say to your partner, it felt so good when you just did that. And I loved how you picked up your finger and you didn't go back up. You took it to the top and stroked again. That made me feel like I melted into the sheets. And you're like, wow, babe, I don't even really even remember doing that when I was, you know, giving you a yoni massage. Do you know the word yoni? No. I love this word. So instead of saying the vulva, which is the outer genital system of a woman, or the vagina, which is just one little part of our genitals, Yoni is a tantric lovemaking word. It's spelled Y O, N, I. And it's a tantric lovemaking word for all of the genital parts, Everything, the.
- [17:12]
Susan
Inside, the outside, you learn something new.
- [17:14]
Susan Bratton
All the different tissue. And what's nice is that when you tell your partner something they did, when you're sharing this frame, this snapshot of a moment, during your lovemaking that was so exquisite for you. Then your partner's like, wow, I didn't even. I can barely remember even doing that. But now that you've told me about it, I'll do that more often for you. And so then he tells you, you know what I loved? I loved when you were on top of me and you were riding me cowgirl. Your cowgirl's getting so good. And I was almost about to come, but I didn't want to because I love seeing your boobs hanging down in my face. And I was trying to get them. I was trying to get them in my mouth, and I was having so much fun. And you're like, I think I actually knew that might have been your favorite spot.
- [18:04]
Susan
In other words, communication. The more you communicate, the better you. If you don't speak up, they cannot guess what you like and what you don't like. Correct?
- [18:15]
Susan Bratton
Yes. And so sometimes being able to just talk about it after the fact begins that getting used to being in communication, where you're too shy in the moment or you don't want to wreck the moment or whatever it might be, but you say it later, and then that helps. Later, when you're in the bedroom, you can start saying things that help your lover feel appreciated, feel adored. Let them know that you're having a good time or asking for what you want.
- [18:43]
Susan
Yeah. And again, like I said, if you ask for something and your partner doesn't want to do it, don't make them feel bad about it. Just move on to something else. Because the reversal is also true. If someone tells you they don't like something, don't push it. Right.
- [18:58]
Susan Bratton
Well, I have a little trick.
- [19:00]
Susan
Yeah.
- [19:00]
Susan Bratton
I think that for most people, when they hear a fantasy where they're like, whoa, that's a little much, it's because you dropped a bomb on them that they weren't expecting. And so one of the things that's also in the dirty talk book is this idea of sharing fantasies. Instead of asking for something that your partner might think is a little too much, why not give her a beautiful yoni massage and tell her a dirty story about a fantasy? And so let's just say your boyfriend was interested in having you go down on another guy and watch so he could be lovingly pleasuring you, telling you how beautiful you are and saying, I'm gonna tell you a sexy fantasy, and I want some feedback on this. But I have this fantasy where I think it would be so beautiful to see you going down on another guy. And I love how much you go down on me and it's so beautiful. I'd like to watch from the third party perspective and see your beautiful face and how you take your place, which.
- [20:01]
Susan
Is a very common fantasy to a lot of men, for a lot of men. And he did that. We were in bed, we were having great sex. So it was very natural. And I know it was very hard for him to speak up because he was coming from a horror. Apparently his marriage barely had sex. I want to talk about that as well. Like how do you reignite the flame? But for me it's like no big deal. Like I said, I think the more you speak up, the better it is for the couple. Even if you don't do the fantasy. The fantasy.
- [20:29]
Susan Bratton
Well, that's what I'm saying. Don't ask for the fantasy. Just tell a fantasy story so they can hear it with, without the request for it. Do you see that point?
- [20:39]
Susan
One million percent.
- [20:39]
Susan Bratton
Okay, good.
- [20:40]
Susan
So that's the trick.
- [20:41]
Susan Bratton
The trick is in you're not just saying, I want to see you suck some guy's penis. It's I have this fantasy rolling around in my head. Let me pleasure you while I tell you and you tell me what you think of it. And then you're warming up to it a lot more when you're in your turned on state, when you're totally relaxed and when it's not a request, it's a fantasy.
- [21:00]
Susan
And I think as a couple, as you evolve, then in the future you can decide. Yes. Are we actually going to make this fantasy come true? Like you're talking about the threesome. Most couples just talk about it because most women, when it comes down to doing it, they bail out.
- [21:18]
Susan Bratton
But it's something you can decide, the confidence. They don't know what to do. So the more you talk about the fantasy scenarios, the more she gets ideas about how it would happen, the more likely she is to do it.
- [21:29]
Susan
Well, I personally think the more you experience with your partner, if it's in a relationship of trust, the better, the richer your sex life.
- [21:37]
Susan Bratton
Absolutely.
- [21:39]
Susan
If you guys are listening to the audio episode, you have to go watch her face. But the off. This is a question I have for you that I just remembered. I told you I'm super open minded. I don't mind. I can't listen to everything. La la la la la. But there is one thing that. And by the way, I haven't dated a million guys. Like I'm very picky about the guys that I didn't have sex, but my partners that I've had. I always tell them I love, love, love to give oral sex. It's my favorite thing in the world. Nobody believes me.
- [22:08]
Susan Bratton
Are you having throatgasms yet?
- [22:10]
Susan
No, but wait, I want to ask you a question. Yeah, but it turns me on like nothing in the world. I can do it for like 5 million hours, so. And the guys don't believe. I'm like, I swear to God. That's why I'm so good at it. But I don't like oral sex on me, period. It doesn't turn me on. I know I'm delicious, but I don't want it. And. Because what turns me on is the hands on me and the guy kissing me. So every single partner I ever had, I tell them that, and they don't believe me. Every single one of them, they think, no, it's because you didn't have good, good oral sex before. So they go and try to do it. And then I feel compelled to lie because if they're like. Like licking me and licking, and I'm like, come on, that's not what I want. You know, I don't want to offend them. But every single guy thinks they are going to do better, but it's not about doing better. It just doesn't turn me on because I want their hands on me and their lips kissing me. So in this case, if it happens to anybody else out there, you're telling something that he doesn't give you pleasure and nobody listens to you, what would be the tactic?
- [23:22]
Susan Bratton
Well, I'm torn here, Kat.
- [23:25]
Susan
Are you gonna say that I never enjoyed? Cause nobody ever did a good job?
- [23:30]
Susan Bratton
No, I think that it's possible that there's, you know, if you got all of the kissing and manual pleasuring that you could stand, and then you also had the opportunity to allow your lover to enjoy themselves by going down on you like you enjoy going down on them.
- [23:48]
Susan
I do.
- [23:49]
Susan Bratton
Then maybe over time, the tissue could be activated such that you would. Oh, look at you. You just went like. You went like this. She just went like this. She's like.
- [24:01]
Susan
Because, you know, like, think about something you don't like to eat.
- [24:04]
Susan Bratton
No, I understand.
- [24:05]
Susan
You know, if you try it 10 million times, if you don't like it. No, and I let them do it. Of course.
- [24:10]
Susan Bratton
You don't have to let them do it.
- [24:12]
Susan
But they all look at me like, you know, are you not gonna come or you don't like. You know what I mean? Like, they think like, they're the secret weapon. They do it better than Anybody else?
- [24:21]
Susan Bratton
That's testosterone. Testosterone makes men feel sure and certain. They're amazing. And I don't blame them for thinking that. But I guess if you really want. Do you really want to know what I think?
- [24:31]
Susan
Of course I really want to know what you think.
- [24:34]
Susan Bratton
Then I think you're missing out on some incredible pussy eating. And I think that you could consider it a learning expedition and that maybe you don't know that. This is incredible. And just as you love going down on a penis, guys love going down on a yoni.
- [24:50]
Susan
I love the word yoni.
- [24:52]
Susan Bratton
It's a sweet. It's like my little yoni. It's sparkly. But I would say you asked me here because I'm an expert. Yes, Pat. And it is so nice to just kick back and let somebody go down on you and just ride their ride and enjoy the pleasure. And one of the things that could be helpful for you would be. I've got something to show you here.
- [25:13]
Susan
Oh, she's gonna open her toy drawer. My favorite.
- [25:16]
Susan Bratton
I brought my toy bag.
- [25:18]
Susan
Your toy bag. We have to talk about that.
- [25:19]
Susan Bratton
This is quite interesting because a little vibrator that I love. And I'm going to drop another link because I always. People are. They get mad at me if they're like, where was that thing here?
- [25:28]
Susan
No, we're going to tell. We tell everybody.
- [25:30]
Susan Bratton
Around your neck like a necklace.
- [25:32]
Susan
Oh, my God, that's. You clip the nipples?
- [25:34]
Susan Bratton
Yes. Oh, this is. Oh, you have to make it a little longer just to pull that. There you go. So what?
- [25:40]
Susan
We cannot be X rated on the video. Otherwise I can't post the video.
- [25:43]
Susan Bratton
We're not. We're not going to be X rated.
- [25:45]
Susan
Okay, so you clip the nipple.
- [25:47]
Susan Bratton
You clip the nipple.
- [25:47]
Susan
I've done that before and I don't love it, but okay, let's make believe I'm clipping.
- [25:53]
Susan Bratton
So you're actually helping me make my point even better. Because your lips and mouth, your breasts and nipples and your yoni are kind of in a system of pleasure. And when you stimulate your nipples and you're being kissed and you're being kissed, all of that's gonna start making everything feel better. So when your nipples aren't yet sensitive and orgasm cosmic, stimulating them and playing with them, when your yoni isn't responsive yet to oral pleasuring and you give it a try and you're in a loving relationship and you're turned on by them, you could add to your, you know, your. Your pleasurable feeling.
- [26:37]
Susan
And listen, I'm open minded. Like I. I Honestly, never used this toy before, so I'm totally open minded to trying it. And like I said, I'm always open minded to. Okay, you want to try? I'm just saying, like. Like, from my perspective, it's not my favorite, most enjoyable thing. So it was the reversed coin. Like, the same way somebody should be able to tell their fantasies. If you tell them that you don't like something, I think they gotta believe you.
- [27:03]
Susan Bratton
But when you're talking about fundamental things like oral pleasuring. Yeah, I do believe. And you got it. Okay.
- [27:10]
Susan
Yeah.
- [27:11]
Susan Bratton
And I forgot to say the URL. It's@drive Desire.com. anything I show today, Drive Desire show. I always have the links for it drivedesire.com. but all I'm saying is that I'm not talking about anything unusual or freaky. I'm talking about basic sexual things. So a year from now, when I come back to visit you, and you're like, all right, you're the sexpert, Susan. And you're like, oh, my God, girl, thank you so much for arguing with me because my ex boyfriend turned out to be the best Yoni muncher in the universe.
- [27:46]
Susan
That would be amazing. No pressure.
- [27:48]
Susan Bratton
I love it. And you were right, Yoni munch. To encourage me to put my barrier down and give it a try.
- [27:56]
Susan
No pressure. Now, you know I'm single because the guys listen. They listen to the podcast before they meet me. So they get it all wrong. First they think, like, oh, I'm gonna bang her, right? Because they think I'm having, like, sex with everybody that moves. It's not true. And then they feel like, this pressure, you know?
- [28:15]
Susan Bratton
Cause they think I'm having a lot of performance anxiety. People have a lot of performance anxiety.
- [28:20]
Susan
Well, many people do, but most, I'm sure you don't either.
- [28:24]
Susan Bratton
I mean, I don't have performance anxiety, But I'll tell you where I struggle. I, like all women, take about 20 minutes to get completely engorged, for the blood to flow for me to get out of my head and into my body, connect my heart with my partner, and to get the blood flow into my pelvic bowl to seep down through into all the little nooks and crannies of my erectile tissue. And sometimes I wish I were a man and I could just go, boink, let's go. But I can't, because that's not how a woman's body works. We all have the nooks and crannies of all that erectile tissue. And so sometimes I wish I could be readier sooner, but what I have realized is that my husband and I both know that I am like all women's bodies needing 20 minutes of good warmup before we really.
- [29:11]
Susan
Okay, guys, if you're listening. Listening. You said it. 20 minutes.
- [29:15]
Susan Bratton
Yeah. @ a minimum. And women, we put pressure on ourselves.
- [29:20]
Susan
But most men out there, if they get to five, they think, right? They're like. They think, oh, yeah, I did a great job. 20 minutes.
- [29:28]
Susan Bratton
Well, I'm not talking about 20 minutes of penetration. I'm talking about 20 minutes of foreplay at a minimum. Right.
- [29:33]
Susan
But it's very rare that a guy gets anywhere near that.
- [29:39]
Susan Bratton
Well. And we must demand it as agentic lovers who own our own pleasure to say women's bodies take 20 minutes for us to get to where yours get in one or two minutes. So we're gonna go at my pace, not your pace. You can get hard, go soft, get hard, go soft. Don't worry about that. I'm not expecting you to show up ready to go. I'm not ready to be penetrated. If you penetrate me too early, I can't get my lady boner, my clitoral erection. And if I don't have a lady boner, you don't wanna have sex, because I'm not going to enjoy it like I would if you waited until I was fully engorged. So let's do a lot of fun things. For example, why don't you kiss me and play with my yoni? That really gets me going. Right?
- [30:21]
Susan
That's exactly. Yeah. So that's like all these things that you are saying. I think that's the most important part that women should learn in terms of speaking up. And I think most women, going back to the beginning of the conversation, most women are just too shy.
- [30:37]
Susan Bratton
Yeah.
- [30:38]
Susan
To say all these things. I need this, I need that, I need more time. I'm not ready.
- [30:42]
Susan Bratton
Right.
- [30:43]
Susan
And that's why many times they don't even get to orgasm. They don't get to pleasure. They're like, oh, let's just get. Get this over with. And that's never how sex should be. Right. So let's talk about orgasms, because I love the word you put on your website. You know, Orgasmonaut. Yes, I love that. Yeah. To me, it's never been a problem. I mean, I come super easily. I. I have multiple orgasms all the time when I'm single and I want to. Because you brought a bag of toys. I always have my vibrators that I love. I get shocked how many women don't have vibrators, especially when they're not in a relationship. And I'm like, why not? You're embarrassed of yourself. Right. But speaking of orgasms, why do you think it's so hard for so many women to get there? And the first practical steps to making that better.
- [31:34]
Susan Bratton
Yeah. So first things are that I really recommend that a woman have multiple kinds of pleasure toys. I'll show you a few that I recommend because I brought, I specifically brought them with me to show you today.
- [31:46]
Susan
I use the good old bunny. And I love the bunny with the little rabbit ears. I use that like almost every night. And to me I've tried because the sex companies. This one womanizer is one of our sponsors.
- [32:00]
Susan Bratton
Good.
- [32:01]
Susan
They do make great toys. But I, I like the good old fashioned bunny. For me, that does the trick. That does the trick job if I'm alone.
- [32:08]
Susan Bratton
So you have one path to orgasm with your rabbit vibrator, which is excellent. Now what I'm recommending is that you expand your ways of having orgasms by activating more of the tissue in your yoni. So this is a vibrator that I really like. This is very similar to what you like. And I think a rabbit vibrator is a very good kind of a toy. This one is extra special. What I like about it is that it both activates internal tissue as well as external tissue. And it wraps right around the G spot. So you're getting your clitoral, your urethral and your perineal structures, which are your three structures of erectile tissue in your yoni activated, filled with blood so that they're bigger so you have more surface area sending more signals to your biggest sex organ.
- [33:00]
Susan
So, but this is kind of like the bunny.
- [33:02]
Susan Bratton
It is, but here's what it does. It runs on a Bluetooth app and it will quant your orgasms. It's like an aura ring for your orgasm.
- [33:10]
Susan
It's like an ring.
- [33:12]
Susan Bratton
And this is@drivedesire.com. it's called the Lioness.
- [33:14]
Susan
Wait, drivedesire.com?
- [33:16]
Susan Bratton
Yes. Okay, thank you. And it'll tell you the intensity of your orgasmic experience as well as what style of orgasm you had. Okay, so there are avalanches, volcanoes, and oceanic orgasms. I love them. And you can begin to try to have them all. So I love this for orgasmic cross training. Now you mentioned that you didn't care for the air stimulator.
- [33:42]
Susan
No, I like it. Like I said, this brand womanizer, they send me one. I do like it. I love it. It's not that I don't care for it. I'm just more used to the bunny. I did a video for them. I did recommend it to my audience. It's definitely very interesting. Very different, for sure.
- [33:57]
Susan Bratton
Well, remember, you've got your one pathway really solid. Now you need to. To build more roads to pleasure. That's what orgasmic activation and cross training is coming from a lot of different things. And what I like about this is this is the enhance. And it's both a vibrator, which is great for yoni massage to get the labia and the mons activated, but it also basically suckles the clitoral shaft and head. So it'll give you a really nice lady boner. And I like this. Another one that I really love right now is the queen.
- [34:31]
Susan
And this is this one. So I'm gonna. This one that you just showed is womanizer.com. that I know, right? It's Womanizer.
- [34:38]
Susan Bratton
Well, they're all on Drive Desire. You can just go there. What I'm showing is. All right, there's a.
- [34:42]
Susan
All of them are there. Okay, so go to Drive desire.
- [34:44]
Susan Bratton
These are my current favorite for your pleasure chest because it all changes all the time. And I was telling you, I just went to that sex, that pleasure show, and 95% of the stuff there was junk. I mean, I only work with brands direct, with brands that are really, really good.
- [35:00]
Susan
You pick the very best ones, and obviously you're an expert, so we should list.
- [35:05]
Susan Bratton
Thank you. This is very nice because this queen, it actually has a technology that is called pulse plate. And what it does is it penetrates. Oh, did I run out of battery? It penetrates deeply into the tissue in your yoni. You have feel that. You have mechanoreceptors, nerve endings. You have corpuscles. Each of them responds to different types of pressure, pressure, depth of stimulation, et cetera. And this gives you a kind of stimulation that none of the other ones do.
- [35:39]
Susan
Amazing.
- [35:39]
Susan Bratton
And it gets that mind to yoni connection really going and gets the blood flow coming.
- [35:46]
Susan
So let me interrupt you here showing all the toys for a second and ask you a question. We are talking, like, me, I'm single. I use my toys. But I know a lot of women want to bring the toys into bed with their partners. And I heard guys say the most absurd thing, which is, oh, she's gonna like the toy more than she likes my dick. And it's not about that. Right. So what do you say to guys that say that? Because it would help a lot of women have better sex and Better orgasm if their partners are cool with them. Introducing the toys in bed.
- [36:20]
Susan Bratton
So the first thing I'd say is. And use your own words for this. I'm just gonna say it like a sexpert says it, like Susan says it. So you can. Can get the concept of the science behind it. Okay. And then you can, you know, make it easier to understand for your partner. But basically, everything I've been talking about is activating the tissue and engorging the vulva in ways that fingers, tongues, and penises simply can't do. We live in the 21st century. I use an electric toothbrush, an oral irrigator, an instant pot. I have an electric car. We use a lot of tools. Why wouldn't we want to have tools that help us become more organic and create more pathways to pleasure? Because when a lot of women also. I'm gonna throw another objection in that you didn't mention, but is very common, and that is, if I have an orgasm from this wand, I'm not gonna be able to have an orgasm with my husband. It's the opposite.
- [37:16]
Susan
Oh, yeah. I think that's total bms.
- [37:18]
Susan Bratton
It makes you more orgasmic. We're talking about increasing the amount of orgasms, the intensity of the orgasms, the level of pleasure you feel, and the locations from which you can feel pleas using these toys. So one of the things that's really nice is to be able to incorporate them into lovemaking. I've got one more to show you. I'll just finish off with these, because this is my current favorite masturbatory double situation. This I like to put inside me because I like that full feeling. And I like this G spot vibration. And then I like to use the wand. This is called pearl, and this is the wand on the outside simultaneously. So I'm activating internal and external tissue at the same time. I really love these two. Feel how nice that silicone.
- [38:09]
Susan
Yeah. No, I can see just looking at it, they're quality. Yeah. You can tell, you know, it's quality toys. Yeah.
- [38:15]
Susan Bratton
And this one I also love because one of the areas of orgasmic growth that I recommend for women is, you know, you've had a lot. You can throw it back in there. You've had a lot of experience, potentially with being penetrated by a penis. You've probably had some experience putting a vibrator on your clitoris externally. But let's activate the G spot. Right? The G spot is incredible. It's not a spot. It's a big tube of erectile tissue on the ceiling. Of the vagina. What I love about this, this is called curve. And what I love about this product is it's got a really soft tip, which the G spot loves also. You can rub it all on the outside and it will activate all of that tissue.
- [38:59]
Susan
Amazing choice.
- [38:59]
Susan Bratton
So get your husband using tools. He's really good at it. But there's one more I want to show you.
- [39:05]
Susan
So you think for a woman that has difficulty reaching orgasm, use more toys. Use a bunch of toys. A super easy solution.
- [39:12]
Susan Bratton
Masturbate all the time until you get there and then keep going.
- [39:15]
Susan
And if your partner is against, like, if they have this objection, like, oh my God, you're going to get used to your toys. You're going to like your toys better than my dick.
- [39:23]
Susan Bratton
What do you say to the toys actually make. Help me learn to train my body to orgasm in more ways and in different ways. So that when you use your fingers, your tongue, and your penis, I'm already more orgasmic. That's all that is.
- [39:38]
Susan
Yeah, totally.
- [39:39]
Susan Bratton
It's not replacing you. It's adding to my or. I'm expanding my orgasmic capacity for pleasure using these toys. I'm activating the yoni to brain so that I feel more pleasure with and without them. It's training my body to have more orgasms. I will never replace. I will only.
- [40:03]
Susan
Yeah, it's like two totally different things, right? Yeah, I completely agree. It just makes sex better for most people, for sure.
- [40:10]
Susan Bratton
And this is my favorite intercourse toy. This is the last one I want to show you. This goes on the mons above your clitoris. And this little thing comes right down onto your clitoris. You can wear it with this little harness, which I love. And this will wrap it right around your hips. And then your vaginal opening is free so that you can be penetrated by your partner's penis. But you have stimulation on your clitoral structure simultaneously. And if he puts this little ring on his penis, then it's a proximity sensor such that as he gets closer into you, it intensifies the vibration. So as he goes in and out, the little magnet that's a proximity sensor, it goes.
- [40:59]
Susan
It's like a silicone ring. For the penis?
- [41:02]
Susan Bratton
Anything for the penis. All it does is makes this.
- [41:04]
Susan
I'm sure it doesn't. Oh, wow. That's a. And a lot of women need the clitoris stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Like most women, right? Amazing.
- [41:14]
Susan Bratton
And then there's another really fun thing too.
- [41:16]
Susan
What is the name of this toy?
- [41:17]
Susan Bratton
Luxus.
- [41:18]
Susan
It's drive, desire, all of Them are on this website. Guys, go get some toys.
- [41:23]
Susan Bratton
Check this out. If you also take this little silicone pad and you stick it on and you just peel off this little plastic part. It's just a little silicone pad. You can wear it in your panties. Feel how sticky it is. It'll stick to your mons. It'll stick right onto your body. And hold on there. You can put this in your panties, and then you can give your lover the app and he can give you orgasms when he takes you out for dinner.
- [41:49]
Susan
Yeah, I've seen that somewhere.
- [41:51]
Susan Bratton
It's so cute.
- [41:51]
Susan
I don't know if it was a movie or something that I saw. Yeah. Like, talk about major foreplay at a restaurant, huh?
- [41:59]
Susan Bratton
That's what I love about this toy. It's great for intercourse, but it's also great for.
- [42:03]
Susan
And it's interesting that you mentioned that before we run out of time. Oh, my God. That's so we're gonna have to do part two.
- [42:08]
Susan Bratton
We can do.
- [42:08]
Susan
But I personally and I always say that I think foreplay and getting excited.
- [42:13]
Susan Bratton
Yes.
- [42:14]
Susan
Canon should start way before you get to bed. Like, talking dirty to each other. Like you just said, go to a restaurant and do this little sex game. Game. Or if you're having drinks, tell your partner the things that you want to do to them. So by the time you get to bed, you are already on fire. And I don't know why most people don't do that. They just do. Literally doing the sex and talking about sex when they are in bed. But if you do all this foreplay, it makes everything so much more fun. Right. I'm a big proponent of that. I have a million more questions, and we only have a few more minutes, but I want to ask about this talking dirty. Talking. Talking.
- [42:52]
Susan Bratton
Yeah.
- [42:52]
Susan
I think it's a massive important part of having sex. I cannot stand a partner that is silent in bed.
- [42:59]
Susan Bratton
Yeah.
- [42:59]
Susan
I had a boyfriend like that one time. I didn't even know when he was coming. He was literally having sex with me. Like. Like, no sound.
- [43:06]
Susan Bratton
Yeah.
- [43:07]
Susan
And it drives me crazy. I'm very vocal. I'm very noisy. I'm very passionate.
- [43:11]
Susan Bratton
Yes.
- [43:11]
Susan
I love when somebody talks dirty to me. I think it makes everything more delicious. Right. Again, a lot of people want to do it, but they're so embarrassed. They're like, oh, my God. What if I say, how do you break that barrier of shame? Because I think the people that don't do it, they're missing out. Right.
- [43:30]
Susan Bratton
I think the best way to begin to be more auditory during lovemaking is to moan to just make sounds, not even talking, not communicating. Because for some people, talking takes them out of their turn on. For others, it's what turns them on the most. You're either visual, auditory or kinesthetic in your theta brainwave state, which is your state of orgasmic co connection. And so for you might be auditory. Like that's my husband. He loves when I tell him dirty stories while I'm riding him. He just loves that. But for me, I don't need as much of that. I like a little, but I'm very kinesthetic. Sometimes I even like to have an eye mask on so I can't see anything visual. It helps me get more in my body. So I like it when the room is dark and I like the touch and the sensation. So we're either visual, auditory or kinesthetic as the lead way that we are in our lovemaking. So if you are an auditory and I'm a visual, then it could be that what I need to do is moan a lot for you so that it doesn't take me out of my sensory experience. And you can get that biofeedback, that auditory biofeedback that you want so much. And I really like moaning and I like kind of making those like orgasmic sounds like oh, oh, oh, you know, I like that. I love those. That's music to your lover's ears when they.
- [45:00]
Susan
Most men, right. I think most people want to hear some kind of reaction.
- [45:04]
Susan Bratton
We want to hear them do that too.
- [45:06]
Susan
Right. Like, like I said, I want to know, like, are you enjoying it? Are you having a good time? Are you going to come? Like, tell me something, tell me something. Give me something.
- [45:15]
Susan Bratton
Yes. Moaning is the, is the first step to being able to find your words. And then the things I talked about from the dirty talk book, like saying what you see about how beautiful you are, things like that, those are helpful because when people say dirty talk, they think oh, you, you dirty, you know, or something. And it's not.
- [45:35]
Susan
That doesn't necessarily have to be that.
- [45:37]
Susan Bratton
It doesn't need to be that. But a lot of times when people hear the words dirty talk, they think it's going to be almost like, you.
- [45:44]
Susan
Know, it can be like you say, it can be like demeaning. Yeah.
- [45:49]
Susan Bratton
No, and they don't. People don't want to be demeaning and so then they don't do anything.
- [45:52]
Susan
Right. I think you can talk about. Yeah. Your dirty fantasies or what you want to do to the person or. Right. There's Like a million examples. But I love the idea of the moaning because it's a nice, easy first step.
- [46:04]
Susan Bratton
Yes.
- [46:04]
Susan
I think your work is incredible. Thank you so much. And before I let you go, I want to mention that I looked at your interview Instagram and I love that you post this super sexy photos.
- [46:16]
Susan Bratton
Oh, thank you.
- [46:17]
Susan
And I'm gonna tell you why. Because I do that every now and again. And I know as women we get so much backlash. Like if you post a lingerie photo, if you post something right. There's always like the trolls people that perceive, oh, she's a. She posted lingerie, folks. She's. But I think what you do is so empowering. And I, I'm sure your audience and women that look at that, they see that it's completely okay to express yourself sexually regardless of age, regardless of how old you are. I mean, I think we should do it until we die where we're sexual beings. I am don't have an.
- [46:54]
Susan Bratton
I'm 64.
- [46:55]
Susan
Oh, wow. You look.
- [46:56]
Susan Bratton
And I am normalizing what sexy is. And I will be doing this at 84 and 94.
- [47:03]
Susan
Yes. And I wouldn't be right there with you.
- [47:05]
Susan Bratton
We are beautiful women until the day.
- [47:08]
Susan
Oh my God. Yes. And you know, I think maturing are beautiful. And also the more immature, you know, your body better. You know what you want better. I just think it gets better and.
- [47:19]
Susan Bratton
Better and you get better at orgasming and you learn how to like getting your pussy eaten.
- [47:24]
Susan
I'll bring you back on that. Now I'm gonna put on my dating profile. Must be able to make me enjoy getting my pussy.
- [47:33]
Susan Bratton
Well, and it's not even that it's be willing to teach me how to eat enjoy it because I've had a little block of it.
- [47:40]
Susan
Listen, I'm open minded. I just. Unfortunately, it's like I said, it's like eating. Is there anything that you absolutely don't like eating?
- [47:48]
Susan Bratton
Only things that I am allergic to. But otherwise I'm willing to try things.
- [47:53]
Susan
Yeah, I try every food in the world except for olives. I don't know why. My entire life I don't like. And it's kind of like that with my. But I'm, I'm open minded to somebody changing my mom.
- [48:04]
Susan Bratton
I want to say something about trolls as well. Here's how I handle that because I think this is helpful for women especially. And that is that when someone says a negative comment about me expressing the love of my beauty and sexuality and I look at that person and I think, oh, I'm so Sorry for them.
- [48:23]
Susan
Same.
- [48:24]
Susan Bratton
I move to my compassionate heart. I don't take it personally.
- [48:28]
Susan
Same.
- [48:28]
Susan Bratton
I just feel bad that they've been taught so much shame and I feel badly for them. And then I just am happy that I am me and I am an agentic, sexually expressed woman who loves to show that you never age out of your pleasure and interest. I love it.
- [48:50]
Susan
It's funny that you said that because I do exactly the same thing. Like when somebody leaves a nasty comment on my stuff, I send them a lot of love. Because I think obviously only people that are unhappy with their own do that. Because people that are happy were like, oh, good for you. Amazing, right? But I. You are absolutely right. They need more compassion and more love. But congratulations. Your work is fantastic. Super sexy photos. If you guys don't know her, go the. The link to the website is on this episode. Go check it out, follow her on Instagram and yeah, post whatever you want, wear whatever you want. Go have great sex and tell your partners what you want in bed. Because you're gonna have better sex lives, right?
- [49:29]
Susan Bratton
Yes, exactly.
- [49:30]
Susan
Thank you. And you have the most beautiful smile, by the way.
- [49:32]
Susan Bratton
So do you. You're so lovely too. It's been very nice to be here.
- [49:36]
Susan
It was a huge honor and I will definitely invite you to come back because I know we're gonna have. I have so many more questions that I need to ask. I know you have so many, but we can do part two because who doesn't like talking about sex?
- [49:47]
Susan Bratton
I sure do.
- [49:48]
Susan
Thank you very much. Guys. Be safe out there and go have some delicious sex. Bye.
- [49:54]
Susan Bratton
Craving something refreshingly delicious. Meet Joyba ready to drink BO bubble tea. Packed with juicy popping boba and bursting with bold, refreshing flavor, these delicious fruity bubble teas are available ready to drink at your local retailers. Just grab go and sip your way into bubble bliss. Discover Joyba's full flavor lineup and where to buy@joyba.com shop.