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- [00:00]
A
Interviewing my guest today is such a bucket list moment in my life. You guys have no idea. I've been wanting to get her on the show for so long. To me she's one of the most inspirational, insanely fabulous women out there. Lisa Billier, Badass entrepreneur, author and the host of the hit YouTube series Women of Impact where she interviews the world's top experts on relationships, confidence, trauma and female empowerment to help women protect their power and take back control of their lives. She's also the co founder of Quest Nutrition. For those of you who don't know, she grew it into a billion dollar company. But Liz is not just building businesses, she's building a movement. Women of Impact has become a lifeline for millions of women around the world. Whether she's talking to an FBI profiler about spotting narcissists or diving deep into perimenopause body image or sex in long term relationships, Liza delivers unfiltered truths. This is my favorite part about her. How honest, raw and real she is. Her latest work is laser focused on giving women the education they never got on coercive control, spotting red flags early and protecting their peace and personal safety in love and life. If you ever felt like you were too much, not enough, or completely lost in someone else's story, Lisa is here to remind all of us this is your damn life and you get to write the ending. Are you an entrepreneur, business owner or major expert in your field? Guess what? Your knowledge is worth money and you can monetize it. Maybe you already even have a course out there in one of these video uploading platforms and you're super frustrated because you don't know how to grow your brand. Let me tell you about Lightspeed vt, the only high technology, multimillion dollar interactive training system in the world and this is why Fortune 500 companies, CEOs entreprene entrepreneurs and some of the most successful people on the planet such as Grant Cardone, Cardone University, Tony Robbins, Damon John are using it and making millions of dollars there. With Lightspeed you will be able to monetize your knowledge and your online courses millions of times faster and take your business to the next level by reaching a massive audience quickly, generating hundreds of thousands in monthly revenue and scaling super quickly. You want to see a demo? You want free consultation? DM me, I'll hook you up or send a message. Text WhatsApp to 310-692-0578 and start the year monetizing your content big time on LightSpeed VT. Lisa, first of all I have to say this. I have to say this is such a huge bucket list moment for me because I adore you. I admire you so much. I don't want to cry right in the beginning, but I've been dreaming about having you and being able to talk to you for the longest time. Thank you with all my heart.
- [03:05]
B
Oh, it's such an honor to be here. And I didn't even realize that when I came in. So you telling me that is a, you know, I think applause to you, that you have a vision and you walk that path and you just keep going until you get there.
- [03:19]
A
Yes.
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B
It's beautiful.
- [03:20]
A
Yes. And that. Yeah, it's true. Because I remember when I started, and of course, the podcast was so tiny and so many people call me Delulu. Are you crazy? You're never gonna get a guest like her. And I remember thinking, like, I'm gonna keep going and pushing and pushing and pushing. And as we. Through a worldwide audience, as I was telling you, we literally were getting requests from people from all over the world. Where is Lisa? Where is Lisa? Where is Liz? And I'm like, okay, I. I made like, you know, I manifested. I'm gonna be able to get her one day. And you're very loved everywhere.
- [03:52]
B
Oh, thank you. One of my favorite quotes that has motivated me in my journey is, be so good. They can't ignore you. I love it because the amount of times I've been told, you're delusional, you're cuckoo. What are you thinking of? Who do you think? The audacity of you. And here's the thing. When someone says that to you, they're probably guys.
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A
I never thought I would say this, but this Black Friday. Instead of buying more stuff I don't need, I decided to invest in my sex life instead. We all know Black Friday is about deals, but what would you rather do? Spend hundreds of dollars in stuff you don't need or 69 bucks on improving your sex life? Yes. At baducated.com real talk, no one ever really teaches us how to be amazing in bed. We're just supposed to figure it out somehow, right? Well, that' exactly what I thought until I found Educated. I started exploring their courses because I wanted to understand not just pleasure, but connection. And it completely changed how I see intimacy. I learned simple, real techniques that make you more confident, more in tune with your partner, and honestly, more empowered in your own body. Beducated is a safe space for all. And that's my favorite part. No matter relationship status, sexual orientation, or gender. So if you're ready to level up your love and sex life solo or with a partner, go to bed. Educate.me cat69. That's my code cat K A T69 to get 65% off the yearly pass. That's their biggest discount of the year and it's completely risk free 14 day money back guarantee. So go to baducate me cat 69 and give yourself a gift that will last.
- [05:33]
B
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree. Zoe. This thing weighs a ton. Brisky live with your legs man. Santa. Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you Bridges.
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A
I'm not that. Of course he did.
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B
Right Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list and elf I'm 6 3. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right Mrs. Claus?
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A
I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister and.
- [06:00]
B
AT T mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch.
- [06:03]
A
So you can keep your old phone.
- [06:04]
B
Or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just second a 15 minutes. Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber. The holidays are better. AT T mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in U S cellular stores with 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credits and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel finance agreement. 256 gigs, 830 eligible Ford in a new line 100 plus a month plan with auto paypal, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com accurate because you hadn't get started yet, right? Think about you. Your podcast had zero listeners. So here you are saying I want this. Other people look and say well that. How are you going to do that? It just doesn't seem possible. But when you believe in something and you put in a strategy and you take that path step by step, like I really freaking applaud that. You have a vision and you're able to execute over and over again. Yeah.
- [06:57]
A
And I think it's a big part of doing anything.
- [06:59]
B
Right.
- [06:59]
A
You can't just give up. I think many people, especially as women, we have a lot of self doubt. Right? Like I can't do this. And you, I know you talk a lot about that but you gotta keep pushing forward whatever it is that you're doing? Do I?
- [07:13]
B
I will say yes and no. So here's the trick with that is that sometimes we stop because it's too hard. That is, yes, you need to keep going. Because this is momentary failure, momentary problem. You need to keep going. I think sometimes, though, as women, we become so hell bent on saying, I said that I was going to do this. So as a woman, I don't want to show weakness. I don't want to show anything. So I'm going to make sure that I do it even if I'm not happy, even if it's detrimental to my health. We sometimes do the opposite and keep going out of. We think it means something about us. And what I've learned is it's very okay to quit. Sometimes it is the best thing to do because you may be going down the wrong path. But what I. There was a. An athlete called Nastya Lukin, and she was on my husband's show one time. And I just remember her saying, so she's a gold medalist. She does, like, gymnast gymnastics. And she's a kid, right? She's 14, she's 12, whatever age. And she just wants to play with her friends. And everyone's like, her mom says, no, you've got to keep going. And all she wants to do is have, you know, fun with her friends. So she goes to her mom, she's like, I just want to quit. And her mom turned around to her and said, you know what? You can, you absolutely can quit, just not on a bad day.
- [08:28]
A
Oh, I love that.
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B
And that stuck with me because that really, to me, becomes the true reveal of if you're quitting because it's just hard, or if you're quitting because actually this isn't right for you. So in moments where I say to myself, do I still want to run a YouTube channel? Do I still want to run a business? Like, I ask myself all of these questions all the time, and I allow myself to say, it's okay, Lisa, if you want to shut your company down and never show up on camera again, it's okay. Just you can't do it on a bad day.
- [08:55]
A
I love that. I'm going to remember that forever. So let's start from the beginning. For maybe somebody who don't know the story behind your work or people who are new to Cat on the Loose, I'm sure you get asked this question a million times. You and Tom, your husband, started Quest Nutrition spectacular brand, and you sold it for a crazy amount of money. Most people cannot even, like, dream about the Number it's all over the media, literally like a billion dollars with a B. It's like, holy cow, talk about success. And I would say, unfortunately, most people when they see a lot of money, they are like, you know, fuck it, I'm gonna drink champagne all day. I'm gonna buy a yacht. I'm gonna do nothing. You guys remained insanely grounded, insanely inspirational in your case. You were like, I'm gonna go and, and inspire other women. Like I said, I'm gonna do this YouTube and I know how much work, Jesus, it's, it's so much work. And you do you have, you have the show. What do you think? The, the, or maybe you can, can guide us through the, the train thought or how did you manage? In, in, in. In light of everything that was going on to stay so ground going to continue working and do something so incredible for so many people.
- [10:20]
B
Thank you. I think it comes to the foundation that I built during the struggle. So as we're building Quest, we grew at 57,000%, which takes you from zero to a billion dollars in just five years. Wow. It's insane.
- [10:34]
A
Insane.
- [10:34]
B
Yeah. If you could flashback to a glimpse of what I used to look like before we started Quest. I was wildly insecure. I didn't understand how to set boundaries. I didn't know how to speak up, tell my husband what I wanted. And so I kind of just went with the fl. And as we were going with the flow, my husband was trying to make enough money so we can make movies. I won't bore you with that story, but we were just trying to make enough money. There was no word like entrepreneurship back then. So in that journey we were literally just chasing money. And my husband said, it's just going to take a year and a half and then we're going to make movies. Well, of course the year and a half comes you don't have enough money to make movies. So he kept saying a year and a half for eight years. So for eight years I felt like my life was on pause. I felt like I was living eight years. Wow. Okay, eight. Think of a baby being eight years old. Like that's a long time.
- [11:23]
A
Yes.
- [11:23]
B
I dedicated my life to being a great stay at home wife so my husband can make enough money to earn so that we can make movies together. So it, I felt like originally I was part of that building of the idea and the vision. The problem was I just kept waiting and in that I again, I didn't have self esteem, I didn't have the confidence that I do now to just speak up and say what I wanted. So for eight years, I was completely silent. It got to the point when my husband was coming home every single day saying, I don't want to talk about work. Don't ask me a question. And I was like, this isn't life. I don't care about money. In that moment, I literally said to him, I don't care about money. We had built about $1.5 million in shares and stocks in a company that my husband helped build. So imagine eight years, he helps build this company. We've got about $1.5 million in the company. It isn't cash, so you don't have a penny in your hand. And I just said to him, I don't care. I don't care about the million and a half dollars. You are profoundly miserable. And so what is the point in life if we're not enjoying it? So leave the company. I don't care if you don't take the shares. Because again, we had agreed that if we were going to stick with the company, we deserve the shares. If we don't, we don't deserve the shares. We leave it. And I said, I don't care. That was the first moment that I realized my husband and my happiness and our relationship was the most important thing. So we literally were very okay with walking away with 1.5 million. Now, this is before I'm wealthy, so you can imagine I'm collecting coupons. That is a big deal. But I just went back.
- [12:57]
A
It's a big gamble. It was a big gamble. I would think the same way you did, but most people wouldn't.
- [13:04]
B
Yeah. I think it becomes that, how's your life working for you? And my husband was miserable. Our relationship was becoming strained because he was miserable. And so I just said, what's more important? Easily my relationship with my husband. So that became the catalyst for him to go into his business partners and say, I hate this company. I'm miserable. I'm just chasing money. I want to leave him. Telling them that birthed the idea of Quest Nutrition because they all said they were miserable Now, Wow. Tom comes home and he says to me, all right, babe, you've said that. I'm miserable. I agree. I want to do something that's just predicated on something that I love, because even if I was to fail every day, I want to feel good about myself. What does that look like? It was the Quest protein bar because his family was morbidly obese. My family was morbidly obese. So finding A purpose in something beyond yourself was another, let's say, notch on the belt. So here we are. I declared I don't care about money. I realized happiness is more important. I also realized that we can show up every day for something that we care about and is beyond us. That was our family. So here we are, we're building Quest. Now my husband says, babe, if we lose, we lose the house. The house is now up for collateral.
- [14:16]
A
Wow.
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B
Now again, I had to reassess what's important to me. So all these little moments became the building blocks to the answer that you've asked. How do I?
- [14:24]
A
And this is often the part that people don't see, because when they see in the media, like, oh, they sold this company for a billion dollars, like, oh, everything is so easy for them, right? They don't see the blood, sweat and tears and the risks you take and the chances you take and that up.
- [14:41]
B
Until you actually sell, it's all paper money. So here we are, you know, dedicating our lives, really building what we care about. This protein bar that was actually going to help my mom and his mom lose weight, which meant that was going to add years to their life. Like, that is a purposeful mission. And we weren't using those words back then. So we start the company. My house is now up for collateral. I'm like, okay, the truth is, I married an ambitious man. Man, I married an ambition. But here's what I refused to do just because I was married to now put a damper or handcuffs to his ambition. So here he is, he wants to gamble the house. I said, I can get another house. I can't get another Tom. I can't get another Tom. So that was then the next step. Okay. It's very easy for me to emotionally disconnect from property from, you know, tangible things out of love and inspiration. So that was another building block. So when we started going and we built Quest, there were so many moments I had no idea what I was doing. Remember, I'd been a stay at home wife for eight years. Now here I am trying to figure out import and export rules of how to ship food product to Dubai. Like, that's how kind of weird and out there it got.
- [15:52]
A
You know, I always say, and I know this is very controversial, it's the best way to learn is the famous school of no. Because a lot of people, they say, oh, you know, you, you're telling people not, don't go to college, don't. I still think, like the school of hard, not like literally on Everyday operations. Because I was kind of like you for 15 years, my husband barely let me walk out of the apartment house. And now it's been like every single day. That's how I learned. Just doing things. Trial and error. There is no better way to build a business.
- [16:23]
B
Oh, a thousand percent. Because no one was. No one's telling me, right. Like, when people talk about building businesses, they're talking about figuring out P L, your facility. Are you manufacturing yourself? If you have a product, you outsource out all of these things, but no one's actually telling you how on you figure things out every single day. Like, hey, you need to ship product, food, product to Dubai within 48 hours because Justin Bieber may have a bite and there may be a photo of him eating Quest bar. That's a true story. So you can imagine I don't bloody know what I'm doing. I have no clue. So I'm figuring it out all the way now as I'm figuring it out. What is that driving force? It wasn't money. I just left $1.5 million on the table. So it wasn't money. It was. If I don't figure this out, if I don't figure out this shipping problem, if I don't figure this product problem, what happens? Product goes under. I don't save my mom.
- [17:15]
A
Oh, wow. I love that you are. I think, at least in my book, when you are doing things from a place of heart and a purpose, like you said, that's when the most incredible results come faster. And I think sometimes when people are like, I have to make money. I have to make money. I have to make money. It doesn't work out the same way.
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B
Yeah. And look, I don't want to pretend that money isn't. Isn't important.
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A
Of course it is. But what we did when we were.
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B
Building Quest is what's the bare minimum we can get by? Yeah, what's the bare minimum where we can. And I literally sat there and just did a budget. Again, I had no idea what I'm doing. So I'm not talking like a professional here, guys. I had a scrap piece of paper with a pen and I'm drawing lines and columns because I didn't have a laptop at that point. So I'm just like, okay, how much does our mortgage cost? How much can I reduce our cost of food? If I went to Costco and bought the cheaper. Like I actually.
- [18:08]
A
You're literally. Yeah. Making everyday life. Yeah.
- [18:12]
B
And then practical decisions else I just crossed off. Now, the thing that we Women don't talk about are the emotional things that we have to give up. And it may seem silly at first, but this is the stuff that ends up knocking our confidence, that ends up derailing us. So the thing that no one warned me about is I would feel shame and guilt for not being able to go to Starbucks and hang out with my friends. Oh. Because I calculated I can't afford. Like, back then, it was 2 bucks, 250 back then. Back then, I don't have $2.50 to spend on a coffee.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So for the first few weeks, I'm saying no. Now, what does that do to my emotions? Yes, I'm building a business, but still, I'm a human. I'm a woman that wants to feel a part of a group. And so I start feeling fomo. So I was like, all right, well, this isn't good, because now I'm starting to really feel like I'm missing out for this sacrifice of a protein bar that I don't even know is going to do well. Right. Like, there's so many variables that I'm like, now I'm really damaging my friendships. So then I was like, what if I see. Take coffee with me. Oh, wow. Now you can imagine now the embarrassment. I have to tell my friend, hey, guys, I can't afford Starbucks. And you know what they're going to do? Of course they're going to offer to pay. Now I feel like I'm a charity. Right. So. Oh, again, this is my 20s, so I'm thinking differently. But this is the stuff people don't tell you.
- [19:28]
A
Oh, I know. Look, I've been there. Like, I've been in the situation. After I went through my divorce, I literally lost everything. I was telling the story a little bit before, and I was counting pennies. This was like, five years. I was the same. And in my case, my friends, I'm gonna say, quote, unquote, A lot of them turned their backs. Like, they don't want to deal with people counting pennies.
- [19:51]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [19:52]
A
They don't want to be there for you. Like, they don't want to hear about your struggles. They don't hear about your. If you're trying to build a company, they probably think, oh, it's gonna sink. I don't want to have nothing to do with it. Not everybody's supportive is gonna say, hey, Kat, please. Hey, Lisa, let me buy you coffee. Let me help you. At least in my. My journey, I got a lot of people, like, turn. My mom, she used to use this expression they buy popcorn and they sit on the front row because they want to see you fail.
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B
Yeah. Here's what I can say to that. Thank God you saw them for who they really were.
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A
Right?
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B
Like in all honestly, that, that to me is the most amazing lesson. And my friends were amazing. I, it was me, it was my own ego, it was my own confidence where I'm like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I have to take this like, and it's filtered coffee that I've made from home. And I've reused the filter four times. Like I would calculate how many times I could use a filter without the filter breaking. So these are the things that people don't talk about when they're building a business because these are the little things that get you derailed. My friends are going out, my friends are going partying, they're shopping, they're having fun, they've. And here I am in a warehouse in a hen measuring peanut butter for a protein bar that I don't even know is going to do well. So you can imagine my family, my friends, everyone's like, but Lisa, you want to be in movies, you wanted to make film. What happened now? It wasn't again gonna go back to something I said earlier. It's not that they don't believe in me, they just don't see the possibility. So their projections, their opinions, their emotions are being vomited, if you will, onto you.
- [21:23]
A
It's their own limitations.
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B
Yes, exactly. So in everything that I dealt with and when you really wanna make sure that I close the loop on that question you asked. So everything that I dealt with in building my self esteem, to know that it wasn't about success, it was about the pursuit. Building myself self esteem. To know that there's a problem that I can learn to fix, I can learn to fix all of these things. Realizing that money didn't buy happiness, all of these things contributed to me building my self esteem and my confidence about the woman I am. Not about what I own, not about my status, but about the woman I am. The woman I show up to be every single freaking day. So you can imagine I'd been doing that for five years in building Quest. So now Quest is at the pinnacle, it's at the top. It's announced as a billion dollar company. Oh my God. The dreams come true. The foundation still built was there, so I wasn't almost tackling it, you know, with no skills. The last part was I've had health issues. I was brought up, my mum unfortunately was borderline anorexic. So I had the same behavior. I starved myself. I was running on the treadmill because I thought how I looked was the most important thing. And so over 10 to 15 years, I completely wrecked my health. I completely wrecked my gut. And. And it was just getting worse and worse. I couldn't eat properly. I was having stomach issues. The day we sold the company, the day. Not the day before, not the day after, the actual day, we sold the company and we got the keys to our dream house.
- [22:53]
A
Oh, wow.
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B
Now everyone has their motivation. My motivation was I'm a 90s hip hop chick. So when we were. When Quest wasn't doing well, when I was really struggling, me and my husband would use things to motivate us. Emotional things. And so we would drive around Beverly Hills and we would look at the houses. And I said, tim, not I want the big house. I said, tim, I want a house with a waterfall and a bottle of Dom Perignon and I want to twerk for you and pour Domperion down my body. Like, because I'm such about vision. Right? The house is the same. I'm the same. It's the filmmaker in us. Right.
- [23:28]
A
I do that to this day. I moved back to Beverly Hills because it's my happy place. Like just walking every morning with my dogs and. And the sunshine and the palm trees, it makes me happy.
- [23:38]
B
Yes.
- [23:39]
A
And I'm still in my journey. Of course I'm not. Not any means. But I'm proud that I'm supporting myself. But that's what I. Every morning I walk with my dogs, I'm like, I'm gonna buy you guys a house back with the backyard. I'm gonna get you guys this house back. I do the same thing. And that just makes me so happy. Like having this images in my mind that I'm. I'm slowly. I know I'm going to get there. Yeah. I'm in my journey of getting there.
- [24:03]
B
And it's feeling the feel of what it would be like now. So that was the thing for me. I want to be by a waterfall. I wanted on Perry on. I wanted to work for my hobby. And so I love that. Comes true, girl.
- [24:14]
A
Oh.
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B
Like it actually comes true. So imagine I got a bottle of Dom Perin in one hand. We're celebrating. I take a swig. I've got a photo to prove it.
- [24:23]
A
Oh my God. I gotta see that.
- [24:25]
B
Now. Here's the thing. As soon as I put the champagne bottle down and I swallowed the. The champagne.
- [24:30]
A
Yeah.
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B
I got such pain in my gut. Oh, no. The Only way I can explain it is it felt like my gut erupted.
- [24:37]
A
Oh, my God.
- [24:38]
B
And for at least six months to a year, I could barely eat anything.
- [24:42]
A
Oh, my God.
- [24:43]
B
So you see me Now, I was 20 pounds lighter. I was.
- [24:45]
A
And you're very, very, very tiny.
- [24:47]
B
I was slowly dying from malnutrition because I had such health problems. Okay, now the final piece to that first question that you asked me is you can imagine I've got so much money, money I could only dream of.
- [25:01]
A
Like, what are you going to do?
- [25:03]
B
Well, I could hire the best doctors and they still couldn't fix me.
- [25:07]
A
Wow.
- [25:08]
B
The best. I was trying to throw money at the problem. So you can imagine, I had a year. I was the wealthiest I'd ever been and I was the most sickest I'd ever been.
- [25:17]
A
Oh, no.
- [25:17]
B
I would have given up that money for my health. So that is how I have been able to stay so true to who I am, to what I show up to do every day. Like, know why you wake up every day? What do you get out of bed for? What are you fighting for? And for me, I was fighting for my mom. When we were building Quest. My mom, I wanted her to live forever, so I wanted her to be healthy. And now it's like I want to fight for that 14 year old Lisa that didn't believe in herself, that didn't believe that she had the confidence to go out and do whatever she wanted in life. You were telling me your story that for 15 years, 15 years you couldn't go and do whatever you wanted.
- [25:54]
A
I couldn't work. Yeah. My husband was super controlling, didn't let me work. He was very wealthy. But I love working, you know, I love creating. And he would cut me off and humiliate. He was extremely abusive, extremely, extremely abusive. Verbally abusive, sometimes physically abusive. And for 15 years, my mindset, somehow I thought I deserved it because it takes forever to get for you to say, you know what, wait, stop. I deserve better. It took me 15 years to say, no, stop. And when I got out of the marriage and he passed away, really long story. I lost everything, Liz. I lost like my bank accounts, my. My assets, like my pants. I always say that story. And that's. I thought it was sink or swim for me. It was sink or swim. And I thought, I love life. Like you were saying about your health. I. I'm gonna swim. I'm gonna see what happens. And that's what I've been doing ever since. And that's how Cat on the Loose started. Because I Know, there's so many women out there and we're. I want to talk about women of impact that, that they. Sometimes they need to listen. Like, you can always start over. You can always find a purpose. You, you, you have your value. Value.
- [27:10]
B
And that was the thing that once we sold Quest and I was like, I can do anything I want with my life. Like, no joke, me and my husband. It sounds a little crude, but this is true. I always want to be honest. We sat down and we said, do we just buy an island and just like, chill, peace out and like bring a whole family and we just call it the Biliu island. And all of our family, which would.
- [27:28]
A
Have been the option most people would have taken.
- [27:32]
B
Sounded awesome. For two weeks. Yeah, right?
- [27:35]
A
For two weeks. Vacation.
- [27:36]
B
When I go on vacation, by the end of it, I am itching to do something. Something. So then go back to. So when we assessed that, I was like, I have built everything in starting Quest. Everything was about building myself. I couldn't do this before and now I can. The pursuit of something, the pursuit of greatness, the pursuit of helping women, the pursuit of making a difference in someone's life is so intoxicating to me. And so I assessed. This is intoxicating. This is the thing I can feel good and do all day, every day to really feel good about myself and to actually create change. And when I think about going back to what you were saying, saying about 15 years. If we women had self worth, if we had our confidence, if we had built our self esteem at a young age, we wouldn't have stories like that.
- [28:21]
A
Oh my God, you're so right.
- [28:22]
B
Because we're unable to be manipulated. And so realizing that, realizing that I spent eight years of my life silent, never saying what I wanted. And I was married to an amazing man. Yeah, I was married to an amazing man who would have supported anything. So here I am. I was stuck for eight years. Years. When I now realize how many women are stuck in their 30s, in their 40s, in their 50s, in the 60s. It is heartbreaking. I heard you swear, so I think I'm allowed to.
- [28:47]
A
Please.
- [28:49]
B
It's heartbreaking.
- [28:50]
A
I have a really big dirty mouth. I'm sorry.
- [28:52]
B
No, let's go, girl. We'll swear like sailors. And it just made me realize that was a mission, that I could show up for that if somebody heard a piece of content, if someone saw me, if someone heard a podcast or something that I said and they realized their life was worth it more. But that's way more like impactful. Than a bloody island.
- [29:14]
A
Oh my God.
- [29:15]
B
Holy.
- [29:15]
A
I have to say thank you for not hiding in that island because I. And I have tears in my eyes and I don't want to cry. I never cried doing Cat on the Loose before. But I was going through hell, hell a few years ago when. Anton 2018, right. I had, I didn't have a penny. I didn't have family support. I didn't have any relatives. I didn't have money in the bank. I lost everything. I thought I was gonna die. And I found you. Like actually one of my friends said, you gotta look. And I was. That was feeding my soul. I couldn't afford therapy, by the way, because a lot of people say go to therapy because it costs money. So I started watching your videos. I'm saying from the bottom of my heart. They started driving me like, okay, I have to be that woman. I have to be that woman of impact. I know I came here for a purpose and it really me out of the embarrassment of speaking up. I swear to God. That's when I started saying, you know, I, I, I'm an artist, I'm an intelligent woman. I. Because when you're abused for so long, you forget this. You start thinking that you are a piece of like a lot of women out there. And when I found you, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna rock and roll. I'm gonna run with this so much.
- [30:32]
B
To me, I had no idea.
- [30:34]
A
Thank you with all my heart that, that you do what you do. Because I am proof that you change lives of women every. I'm sure you know that. Hey guys, have you heard about sleep divorce? It's a trending topic that's been in the news a lot lately. It's when couples choose to sleep separately in different beds or even different rooms. Often because one sleeps too hot or too cold and they just cannot stay comfortable together. Although they still love each other. I know a real life couple who actually came to Cat on the Loose a few weeks ago. D.J. and and James, who are madly in love, love sleeping next to each other but always had different temperature needs. So they invented the Sleeping Dove luxury comforter. It looks like a traditional comforter, but it has a patent pending design with built in fabric windows. There are two for each sleeper. One at the midsection and one at the feet. You just open a window to cool off where you need it. A soft cotton layer still keeps you gently covered. Or fold the window closed to stay warm. Everyone stays at the perfect temper temperature. Everyone stays connected under the same comforter all without gadgets, extra blankets, or tossing the covers around. It's made from 100% cotton that feels so luxurious on your skin and you can choose either down or down alternative. I'm super picky about my linens and only sleep with the finest. And I absolutely love this comforter. Seriously, even my doggies are madly in love with the Sleeping Dove. And you know, I love people in love. Staying connected Right now, just for Cat on the Loose listeners, you get 15% off with the cod cat on the loose. Go to sleeping dove.com and get ready for the best sleep ever. Together, alone with your pets, no matter what. This is going to revolutionize the way you fall asleep. And check out their Instagram for adorable videos so you can actually see how this beautiful comforter works. Sleeping Dove home on Instagram sleepingdove.com hurry the special offers ends May 31st so don't wait.
- [32:38]
B
I mean, look, here's the thing. It isn't people do tell me, but it doesn't negate the next time someone tells me because to me, that becomes the compass of my north star is I show up every day to help women. Now, I'm not blind. If I don't actually help women, if people don't actually watch my content, if I'm not, I would pivot. I would go, okay, this isn't working. Where do I want to put my time and effort? But I think one of the most heartbreaking things is that we spend life, life just letting it pass us by. And I think so much of that comes to the belief system that we have. I can't speak up. I shouldn't. There was a woman in her 50s, she had four children and she came up to me and just started bursting into tears and she said, lisa, I, I was living with a very abusive narcissist and he wouldn't let us sing, he wouldn't let us dance and have four children. And we weren't allowed, sorry, three children. We weren't to allowed. Allowed to do it. She said, I saw your piece of content. And she's telling me this while in tears. She's like, I saw a piece of content and I realized that I'm worth more. And that just because I was in my 50s, it didn't mean that I had to settle for this was going to be my life. And so she took her kids, she rented like this tiny one bedroom apartment and she said we didn't care how small it is. Do you know what the first thing we did when we opened the door, we Danced.
- [33:55]
A
I love that.
- [33:56]
B
And so these stories mean so much to me. The fact that going back to.
- [34:00]
A
To.
- [34:01]
B
That's why I show up when I realize there's something I can't do. I'm not possible. I don't have the competence to do it yet. I just say, what's the end goal? Like, what am I trying to get to? And what is it gonna take for me to get there? And how do I keep showing up every day, putting one foot in front of the other to get better? Because I was petrified to get in front of the camera. When I started my podcast, I so tried to just do audio. I was saying to my husband, don't worry, babe, I'm just gonna do audio. I'm just gonna do it myself. My friend, and he just looked at me and he's like, we've got a set. There's six cameras, white on Earth. And in that moment, I was like, well, it was purely my own ego, right? I was like, who would want to watch me? I'm squeaky.
- [34:41]
A
Obviously. You know, a lot of people. No, you're. You are a very real presence.
- [34:46]
B
Thank you.
- [34:47]
A
Very real. You know, in a ocean of fakeness and, you know, social media, all that crap. You are so real on your videos, on your content, on social media, right? You just put everything out there.
- [35:00]
B
But I think most people are so afraid to be themselves that we try to be wanted and liked, so we try to act a different way in order to get it. And so for me, I thought I was like, well, I have to get better. Like, how am I gonna get in front of the camera? And so it just took practice. It took me assessing what was more important, my mission or my ego.
- [35:21]
A
The mission. Yeah.
- [35:22]
B
But when you come to moments like that, I want your audience to really know you've just gotta stare nakedly at the realities of the situation. And here's the idea. Other thing. I don't judge you. If you said ego, I don't judge.
- [35:35]
A
Because, look, there are a lot of people out there doing work based on their ego, and it works for them, but it's not. It's not yours. It's not my style. Like, I. I decided I'm going to be as raw and real as I possibly can, because if there is a woman out there going through what I went through, I hope she gets that glimmer to change her life. So I'm like, whatever. I don't care what anybody thinks of me.
- [35:59]
B
Me.
- [35:59]
A
We're always going to have critics, so we're always. We Can't. You cannot make everybody happy. And I want to ask you because I have 10 million questions. I don't want to run out of time. The age thing, right? One of my biggest pet peeves, like when I hear people say men and women, like, oh, am I going to find love my age? At my age, it's too late to change. Oh, at my age, Is somebody going to. I'm like, life doesn't come with an age book. I don't think there's like a specific age where you got to do certain things. And I use me as an example. I feel better than ever. I feel more beautiful than ever. I feel happier than ever. And I'm older and I feel a million times better than I did 20 years ago because I was in this shitty, horrible relationship. And I know you put a lot of amazing videos about that and you always talk about it, but is there like a small step or something that you suggest that could change someone's mindset if they're too stuck on? Like, that age matters.
- [36:54]
B
Yes, I love that. Yes, yes, I love this stuff. Because here's the thing. Whenever we're talking about confidence, age, things like that, like that, I go, okay, the. This is how I feel. Just be honest with how you feel. Like, lay it all out on the table super nakedly. Okay, I'm 50 years old and I feel like no one's going to want me in the dating field. It's going to make it harder for me to get a job. Like, these are all your insecurities. Cool. Okay, you've got them out. Some of them are real, Some of them are real. And I don't want to bullshit you, but now what? Like, now what are you going to do? Even if it's real? So let's just say you're 60. Is it harder for you to get a job in a AI Maybe it's a little harder. You got to learn more. You're maybe a little slower, like, but it's possible. So looking at everything, saying what's real and what's not, what's my emotion, what's my insecurities and what's actual facts? Right now you've got them separate. Okay, so now you've got the actual facts. So let's say, for instance, I, I feel 50 and I feel like it's too late for me to find anyone. Let's actually talk through that. Like, actually 50, what's the average age for women now? Do you know?
- [38:03]
A
I have no idea.
- [38:04]
B
It's like, I think it's like late 80s.
- [38:07]
A
Oh, really? Oh, that's awesome.
- [38:09]
B
And you're 50. You're what? I'm not very quick at math. You're like two thirds. Less than two thirds. I mean, so now you go, you're going to give up your whole life, right? Because you're two thirds in or a third in or half in. Does that actually make sense? Think of all the things that you've been able to do in the first 50 years you were born. You learn how to hold your head up. You learn how to crawl. You learn how to walk. You learn how to talk. You learn how to do, like, all this stuff that you've done in 50 years.
- [38:40]
A
Yeah.
- [38:41]
B
Wow. Can you imagine what you can do in another 30 years? So that's taking an emotion and really just drilling it down into fact. The second thing I do, I intellectualize things and then I emotionalize things. So let me do the intellectual thing.
- [38:54]
A
I love that.
- [38:55]
B
So that was the intellectual thing thing, right? Now the other intellectual thing, no bullshit. You got two options. You age or you die. Well, it is.
- [39:08]
A
If you're not aging, you're dead. Right.
- [39:09]
B
And it is absolutely a reality. Don't diss it. Because you better freaking believe when you end up able to celebrate another birthday, you either celebrate that birthday or you don't. So when I see life as heartbreaking, harsh as that, I'm like, what am I wishing for? Time to slow down. Like, that's crazy.
- [39:33]
A
I know.
- [39:33]
B
So that's.
- [39:33]
A
That's how I feel.
- [39:35]
B
So that's what. The intellectual side. So I just, I do that over and over again when I have a. A sting or something triggers me of like, oh, my God, am I too old? I go back and I'm going, just be real and look at it for fact or emotion.
- [39:49]
A
Yeah.
- [39:49]
B
And I just work through it. Okay. The emotional side to things. The emotional side is I don't like getting wrinkles. That's true.
- [39:55]
A
I don't think we. Anybody does, but.
- [39:57]
B
Okay, so now part of our story too, you know, but it doesn't make it easier. So again, I don't want to bullshit your audience.
- [40:03]
A
No, it does.
- [40:04]
B
So what I do is I have a couple of tricks that I do with. With wrinkles. I go, okay, have you ever looked back at a photo of you 10 years ago? Have you?
- [40:15]
A
Yes, all the time.
- [40:16]
B
Okay, when you look back, what do you think?
- [40:20]
A
I think, wow, I'm aging really well.
- [40:23]
B
Okay, Amazing.
- [40:24]
A
In my case, I'm like, wow. But because, like I said, because of what I went through. So when I Look at my pictures, the past few. I'm like, wow, you look happier. Like, I look at my smile.
- [40:35]
B
Exactly.
- [40:36]
A
I look at my eyes, you know, Like, I just feel, like, this different energy around me.
- [40:41]
B
That's amazing.
- [40:42]
A
You know, even, like, maybe I was whatever, five, seven pounds thinner. Like you were saying, in your case, you were thinner. But when I was going through what I was going through, but I was dying, I couldn't sing same. I couldn't eat. I was 112 pounds, and everybody was like, oh, my God, you're so thin. And I was like, if you got. My mom died. Anthony died. I didn't have money. I was like, if these people know how much I'm suffering that I can't swallow food, same thing. So now when I look at me, I'm like, wow, girl, you're aging really well.
- [41:10]
B
You're very unique. Though not many people do that. I think most people look at photos of them when they're younger. They're like, oh, my God, I wish I looked like that.
- [41:17]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [41:17]
B
Now, here's what I realized is I go back and I'll look at a photo of me, let's say 10 years ago. I'd be like, oh, man, look how you feel your skin. Look how good your muscles look. And then I remember what I used to say to myself when that photo was taken. When that photo was taken, I remember me emotionally beating myself up, looking in the mirror, calling myself fat, looking in the mirror, saying, I can't believe you've got a blemish. I can't believe you have a zit. Oh, my God, that wrinkle. All these insults that I gave myself 10 years ago, now I look back and go, oh, my God, look how amazing I was. So now I've realized that reality. So now I know in 10 years, I'm gonna look back at today and be like, oh, shit, Liz, you look great. So the insults that I'm making in 10 years, I'm gonna be, damn, I wish I had what I had now. So I remind myself. So what I do is I've practiced pattern interrupt. So I recognize when I do it. It's usually when I look in the mirror. I recognize now how the thought comes up. And I have started to pattern interrupt. When that thought comes, I fill it with a different thought. So the different thought is, in 10 years, you're gonna say, you look freaking stellar, Lisa. And that gives me a boost right now.
- [42:29]
A
I love that. That's a great little trick because it.
- [42:32]
B
Goes to the reality and the insulting in the mirror was a big thing for me. It still is. It's something that I work on all the time because I naturally go to insulting myself. So the age thing, I'd figured out that. But then, like, the. Your body changes, especially as you get through perimenopause and menopause, and your body actually changes. Like, the shape of it is crazy. And so I go, what am I going to do when my body starts to change? Am I going to start to insult it again? Or am I going to be aware that this is going to happen and come up with tactics and tools and habits to make sure that I don't do it? Because I separate my natural inclinations with. Not even separate. I think of it as going, cool. What's my natural inclination? And what am I going to do about it? I don't just accept it. So I really do now. Pattern interrupt when I look in the mirror and I give myself an insult. And because I told you the story of my health. I don't know if you do this, but how many of us women beat us, our bodies up, especially if you've had children. I know a lot of women are like, oh, my God, my boobs are so skinny. Or they're flat. And, you know, my child sucked everything out of it. Like, I hear a lot of women that feel badly about how their body has changed. And I did this one interview, and I now do this myself. Is every time you go to insult a part of your body, remind yourself of what it does for you?
- [43:54]
A
Oh, my God, I do the same. It's so funny you're saying that I do the same thing. I don't even know where I read that a while ago, like, about the legs, because I love walking with my dogs. It's my favorite thing in the world to do. So every day that I'm walking, if I'm five pounds heavier, five pounds lighter, or I'm not as toned as I want, I'm like, but you know what? These legs are so, so healthy. They allow me to walk with my dogs every single day. So, like, yeah, it's the way you shift your mind in terms of looking at your body and what it can do for you.
- [44:25]
B
Yeah, exactly. I used to look at my body like it was really weak, right? I told you that I was so sick for so long. I mean, I'm still sick now. I still struggle all the time. And so I very much would just insult myself. I was like, my body's weak. It shuts down all the time. And one day, day it just clicked based on everything we're saying. And I looked in the mirror and I broke into tears and I'm not a cry. I'm pretty stoic. I'm not a cry. And I just broke into tears and I stared in the mirror at my stomach and I just said, I'm so sorry. I keep insulting you and telling you that you're weak. This sounds weird, but it actually worked. I was like, I'm so sorry that I keep calling you weak, actually. You've been so strong.
- [45:09]
A
Yeah.
- [45:10]
B
Because of your strength, I didn't have to go to hospital and get on tubes. Because of your strength, I was able to come back because of your right. And now, oh man, it was such a pivotal moment for me. And look, I am the person that I do not like woo woo things. I do not hug trees, I do not like.
- [45:30]
A
Sitting in a yoga pool is really, I think is one of the biggest lessons.
- [45:35]
B
But there's also toxic self love. So there's that fine line, right, between like, totally.
- [45:41]
A
Yeah.
- [45:41]
B
Between like, oh, I love myself from really deep down. You're like, yeah, in agony. But those are the little things that when someone is worried about aging, you just, it isn't going to go away overnight. It is, you're not going to stop feeling like that just because you've listened to this podcast. But if you put into practice, practice everything that I just said, you start to build your confidence once you start to build your confidence now, it's like it's a whole new year. The final thing.
- [46:10]
A
I can talk forever, but I Wish we had five hours because I have 10 million questions.
- [46:16]
B
This is an important thing to say to though about aging thing. Know what is happening about your body, know what is happening.
- [46:22]
A
Nobody's as critical as we are. And I also think, although I'm, I'm still single, by the way, if very happy single, I still try to find my perfect someone, but in the meantime, very happy. But I do believe that the person that loves you, they are going to love. And I, I keep repeating that over and over on my podcast because it's hard for women to sink that in. They're going to love you exactly the way you are.
- [46:46]
B
Right.
- [46:47]
A
They're going to love your body, they're going to love your, your mind, your soul. They're not going to like, not love you because you're 2 pounds heavier or 3 pounds lighter or whatever it is. If somebody's criticized, I know that because I was criticized for 15 years. Remember? If somebody's criticizing the living daylights out of you. They're not your person.
- [47:04]
B
Yeah. I think the biggest thing in all the interviews that I've done, like how many? And it was somewhat surprising that this was the conclusion, but now it's not surprising at all. It all comes back down to. It all comes back down to building your self worth, your self, self esteem, your boundaries, knowing what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept. And when someone comes in your life, you see if they fit like a puzzle.
- [47:34]
A
Yeah.
- [47:34]
B
And you just make sure that you're non negotiable. And I have realized that the most women that don't get stuck in toxic relationships are women that have the most self confidence. That is it. It isn't about confidence in love. It isn't about. They have the best skill sets in a relationship. No, they don't. They just have the best understanding of who, who they are, what their non negotiables are and boundaries. Like when I first met my husband, the very first thing I told him is you can never hit me, you can never cheat on me, either of those two things. And I, I did it to set him up for success because I was like, look, I, I want this relationship to work. So let me be very clear about what my non negotiables are. Because while they're, While I'm sure you may think that some women do forgive their partners for cheating, they do too. And yeah, no judgment. I'm not one of them. And so I laid that.
- [48:23]
A
Now I know that I'm not like, like you said. That's obviously now that's a big deal.
- [48:28]
B
Right?
- [48:29]
A
No physical violence, no verbal abuse. Like I would never tolerate the I tolerated before. And like you said, I wish I knew, I knew better. But yeah, we have to have a list of non negotiables and that's it. You stick to that.
- [48:42]
B
Yeah. And then communicate. But doing it in a way, way that is in service of the relationship, not as a threat.
- [48:49]
A
Yeah.
- [48:49]
B
Right. So it's like I want this relationship to work in order for it to work. Let me tell you the things that I would leave you for. And I wouldn't just leave you. I will. You will never hear from me again. You will never have a moment to explain. You will. Because I don't want to be convinced. I know myself going back to the natural inclination. I know I'm the type of person that may forgive. And so I go, I know that if you've done it once, my trust is broken, so I may forgive you. But it's going to be detrimental to our relationship. And I'm not going to be nice to you. I know myself. I would treat you badly if you cheated on me. I would try to get you back and make you hurt as much as I've hurt. And I don't want to be that person. So I go, well, that's not the person I want to be. That doesn't. That isn't a good look. That's not the type of relationship I want. So let me be honest and let me communicate with this guy that I'm about to marry, you know, Tom, and just be, you know, sweet and gracious on the delivery. But it's not that I feel threatened. It's like, oh, yeah, if you cheat on me, I'm gone.
- [49:46]
A
Right. Same. I don't want. I don't have time for lies. I think that's what I decided. Like, my life is so black and white and Right. Because we do the podcast. Everything is out there. All my stories are out there. I don't want, like, no lies. That's my non negotiable for sure. But speaking of ton, Tom, before we run out of time, because a lot of people ask that question and I know a lot of couples want to know, you guys have been married for a long time. A long time. You've been through a lot. Huge, massive success. You are both insanely busy. You are both insanely inspirational. Any tricks? Because a lot of couples, they. They drift apart. Especially when they. They. Whatever happens, what happens to you guys happens to them, right? A lot of money, success, a lot of people, lack of time come. A lot of couples drift apart instead of getting close to together. How do you guys manage to keep this beautiful unit stay together? Any tips for other couples out there listening?
- [50:45]
B
Yeah, absolutely. So it all starts with you have to be in agreement of what you're looking for in your relationship. So for me and Tom, we sat down and we said, what are we looking for? And the truth was we want to be married for the rest of our lives. Happily. Happily. So what does that mean? And so we just agreed. Is that this the goal that we're both trying to achieve? Yes. Great. Now we're aligned. We've got the same goal together. How do we get to that goal? We kind of think in business strategies. How do we get to that goal? Okay, well, we almost. We always have to stay connected. That means that we've got. We cannot go more than two weeks without a date night. Do we agree? Yes. Amazing. Okay. It means that.
- [51:25]
A
So you guys literally like, no matter how busy you are, you plan a nice date.
- [51:29]
B
Correct.
- [51:30]
A
I think that's super important.
- [51:31]
B
The other part, though, is who is the person that's going to be responsible for doing that? Because typically in a relationship, you have one person that's really good at the organizing. The other person isn't. But what happens is we expect the person that isn't good at the organizing to still do it. So me, my husband just sat down and he said, babe, you know I love you. You know I want to go on dates with you. I just don't think about it until it's almost too late. So he'll think about it in three weeks and be like, God, why do I feel so distant to Lisa? And he realizes, oh, it's because we haven't had date night. It's not because he doesn't care. It's because that's his. That's just how he is. I've known him for that long. That's so long. That's just how he is. So I go, it's not your fault. You don't think about it. It's just not your natural way of doing things. So I'll take on the responsibility of being the person that books the date. Do we agree? And he says, yes, that's really nice. So now if I book it, he can't say, hang on a minute. Why are you taking up my schedule? We've agreed. The other part is, I said him, if I book it, I don't want you to reject it, because I'm not your secretary.
- [52:33]
A
I love it.
- [52:34]
B
I'm your wife. So if I send you an invite to come to dinner with me, it's because we've agreed I'm the responsible party.
- [52:42]
A
Come to dinner with me. I love that.
- [52:44]
B
And. And if you reject it now, I'm going to feel like I have to persuade you, and that's not how I drive. So can you accept if you put me as the responsible party?
- [52:54]
A
He accepts.
- [52:55]
B
Do you? Yes. And he said, absolutely. Now, of course, there's gonna be moments that he's busy and he's got something that I didn't realize that's. So we've now agreed. It's almost like the same with sex. So he hasn't. Surprise, surprise. Guys normally do, but he has a higher sex drive than I do. And so we've just agreed that he can ask anytime. Anytime.
- [53:18]
A
So that's what you're saying is so important, because it's all about communication, correct? Cause I think a lot of couples, they get in trouble because. Because they don't speak up about what they want.
- [53:26]
B
Oh. Not only do you speak up, you have to be so clear that the person understands what you mean.
- [53:32]
A
Yes.
- [53:32]
B
Because it's very different if you say something how I interpret it. So I had said to my husband, I need a soft place to land when I'm around you. Now, to me that means I want you to cuddle me. I want you to hug me. I want you to just treat me really sweetly. Right. Soft place. That seems obvious me.
- [53:52]
A
Right.
- [53:53]
B
For weeks. His interpretation of a soft place to land was very different. His interpretation was fix everything. Oh, yeah.
- [54:01]
A
Because you never know how. Like, the guy is going to think.
- [54:03]
B
Exactly. So not only do you have to voice what you want, you have to make sure that they understand.
- [54:08]
A
Yeah, Just spell out what you mean.
- [54:10]
B
Exactly. So this is what we do. And so. So with the sex thing, it was, you can ask me anytime. Because I never wanted him to feel. Feel like, oh, should I? Should I not? Like, that's not a nice place for a guy to be in. Like, if you're sexually attracted to me.
- [54:23]
A
So many men are in that place.
- [54:25]
B
And I'm sure it's because they've been rejected, though.
- [54:28]
A
Yeah, exactly. And then they're more afraid of asking. And then they. I've had guys tell me I love my wife, but I cheat because I'm too embarrassed. I've had so many guys and guy friends tell me that, and I'm like, please communicate. Because if you tell her, maybe she feels more attractive and maybe she wants to do it too.
- [54:46]
B
Exactly. Exactly. Or here's the truth. You have to communicate on the difference between the way that you see things. So for instance, if my husband was to come to me and ask for sex and. Or, you know, try it on. And after the third time, if I just turn him down now, he's going to maybe think it's about him.
- [55:01]
A
Yeah.
- [55:02]
B
So communicating. And we've just got this agreement. He has every right to always ask me, and I have every right to always say no. And both ways, we don't judge each other. He won't ever make me feel bad about saying no, and I'll never make him feel bad about asking. That's great. Comes back down to your original question. We get so detailed in our communication. Who does what? Who is responsible for what? And don't test. That is like the final thing. We just don't test each other. So what I mean by that is you can't even hint. There's no hinting in Our relationship. I want to eat at this restaurant. On this day, at this time, the best story was on my honeymoon, we go to Rome, right? Romantic. We go to Venice, then we go to Rome. And it was so exciting. Now I'm married to a very traditional American. I'm Greek Orthodox, so I love pasta. And I want Italian food.
- [55:55]
A
Same.
- [55:56]
B
And my husband is white boy. White boy. White boy. So we go to Rome.
- [56:01]
A
Where is he from originally?
- [56:02]
B
Tacoma, Washington.
- [56:03]
A
Oh, wow. Yes.
- [56:05]
B
So I say to him, first day in Rome, right? Where do you want to eat? And remember, this is like, 25 years ago. So we didn't have any money. We're young. We're on our honeymoon. And he's like, I want to eat at the hotel Hard Rock Cafe.
- [56:21]
A
That's so American. So American.
- [56:23]
B
He's my husband now. So I'm thinking, I want to be a really good wife. I'm telling you, you are very good.
- [56:28]
A
Because if my guy. My husband said that, I said, okay, let's. Let's annul this marriage.
- [56:32]
B
Okay. That's amazing. Well, so I go. But I slip tradition into traditional habits, right? Where it's like, whatever the man wants. So first night, Hard Rock Cafe. Great. Second night, I turned to him and I was like, babe, where do you want to eat tonight? He goes, hard Rock Cafe.
- [56:46]
A
Like, no, no.
- [56:48]
B
We ate there again. Third night comes, babe, where do you want to eat? Hard Rock Cafe.
- [56:54]
A
That's.
- [56:54]
B
I said, yes. So we in Rome, three nights in a row, we eat the Hard Rock Cafe. The fourth night, it's our last night in Rome. I turn to him and I'm like, babe, where do you want to eat? He goes, hard Rock Cafe. And I go, please. I was finally open. Exactly. Now he turned to me, and he goes, what are you talking about? And I said, please, for the love of God, can we eat at an Italian restaurant? And he looked at me and he goes, why didn't you just say so? He goes, every night, you just asked me what I wanted. And that was a very early lesson. I was like, wow, he's right. I asked him what he wanted. I never voiced what I wanted.
- [57:35]
A
Because you were just being nice and pleasing him.
- [57:37]
B
Exactly. But where?
- [57:38]
A
And he's just being. He was being American, but it's like he didn't even.
- [57:42]
B
It's not like to him, he considered that inconsiderate. He's like, you're asking me, I'm answering. So when it goes back down, back to relationships and how you navigate is, you've just got to say what you want. Yes. Like, we play this one game on the week. Every weekend, we play this game, and it's called no Bullshit. Sorry, we. We do play no Bullshit. That's a different game. We play a game called Selfish Desires. And what it means is you sit there and you tell me your selfishness desire for the whole day. Don't think about me. Don't think about what I want. Don't think about what I am willing to do. Just tell me what you want. And so we play this every weekend.
- [58:24]
A
Oh, I love that.
- [58:25]
B
So he sits there and he's like, all right, I want to watch anime, I want to go play video games. I want sex, I want to eat sugar, I want to watch a movie, and I want to play video games again.
- [58:35]
A
That's such a great idea for couples. Such a great idea.
- [58:39]
B
Now he's hoping me exactly where he wants. It's not that I have to do.
- [58:43]
A
It so he doesn't feel deprived.
- [58:45]
B
Exactly. Now he says, now, babe, what do you want to do? And I go, okay, I want to draw. I want to go for a walk with the puppies. I want to have sex. I want to get a back rub. I want to watch a Netflix show. And I lay out what I want to do. And we go, okay, here are the two plans. How do we make it work so that we get as much as we possibly both can? So he goes, I want to watch anime. I don't really like watching anime, but I want to draw. He doesn't want to draw. So we plan the day. Go. Okay, cool. I'm going to draw. You're going to do anime. You said you wanted sugar. I said I wanted sugar. Cool. So we're going to come together and we're going to have lunch. You were really horny. I'm horny. Cool. After lunch, we're going to have sex. You then said that you want to go play more video games, but I'm actually bored of video games. Right. And we just plan the day.
- [59:29]
A
That's incredible.
- [59:30]
B
And now you feel seen, you feel heard. You're not always going to get what you want, but you feel good about now giving your partner what they want, and you never make them feel feel guilty. That's the final idea.
- [59:39]
A
That's a fantastic idea. I hope every couple in the world listens to this, because that's such a great idea, to find a middle ground. And like I said, it's all about communicating. If you communicate, I think most of the issues are gone if you just speak up.
- [59:57]
B
Exactly.
- [59:57]
A
Oh, my God, you're incredible. I wish we had like three more hours.
- [60:01]
B
I could talk to you forever.
- [60:03]
A
I'm so honored. Like, like I said, this is such a bucket list moment. I am emotional. I'm happy. Thank you with all my heart. Thank you for everything you do for so many women out there. Thank you for not hiding in an island. Although you, you would deserve to do that after all the, the hard we all deserve.
- [60:20]
B
Hell no.
- [60:21]
A
So many days I wake up and I'm like, okay, why am I doing this? But you are. I mean, I, I, I know I speak for millions of women everywhere in the world and, and I know my cat on the loose audience is going to send me 10 million more questions for you, so I hope you come back.
- [60:34]
B
Thank you.
- [60:35]
A
It was one of the biggest honors of my life to have you on the show.
- [60:39]
B
I appreciate being here and I really hope other people hear your story and are driven and motivated because it doesn't, you know, who you are today does not dictate the person you can't be.
- [60:50]
A
And like I said, love doesn't have an expiration date. Following your dreams. Like we were talking before I started, now I'm like, I'm going to making a movie. Like you said, we love movies. We got to talk about movies. We're doing the podcast. We are doing like, so it doesn't have expiration dates. In your dreams don't have an expiration date. As long as you're alive and kicking and healthy. Healthy. Like you said, if you don't feel good, cancel everything. But as long as you're healthy, just go for it.
- [61:14]
B
Yeah. When you can see 90 year old women running marathons, I know. It's like, it's hard to give yourself that excuse that something is impossible when you're 60. You know, it's like, well, no, anything's possible.
- [61:28]
A
And that's our message. Go for it.
- [61:30]
B
Yeah. And look, here's the thing. Here's the real truth. Go for it. You may fail, but at least you've gone for it.
- [61:36]
A
Yes.
- [61:36]
B
Like, do not, do not end up on you taking your last breath wishing that you had tried something.
- [61:42]
A
I know. One million percent. Thank you. Liza, you're insane. I know. You're gonna be fabulous, but you are 10 billion times more fabulous than I thought.
- [61:51]
B
With a B. Thank you, guys.
- [61:54]
A
Be safe out there and go after your dreams. I love you. I'll see you again very soon. I'm very emotional. I don't want to cry. Yay.
- [62:01]
B
Peace out, you guys.