Sami Wunder (5:34)

I am so excited to be here.

Kat Zamuto (5:36)

I am too. Because as I was saying, Cat on the Loose is growing a worldwide community and that makes me so proud because now we have audiences in 47 countries. So it's not just about what's going on in the United States, although I'm based in Los Angeles. So when I found you and I found out about your work and I absolutely love your videos and you said, yes, let's do it, I was like, amazing, because I definitely want to find out your point of view and let's figure out if there are any differences when it comes to sex, dating and relationships in in Europe and any different cultures. So thank you so much for doing this.

Sami Wunder (6:15)

Absolutely.

Kat Zamuto (6:16)

So I have a lot of questions. Let's rock and roll. You are in Germany. You are a love expert. You are a super successful personal coach, dating coach. You've been featured in a million magazines. So for before I ask you all the questions that I have for my audience that doesn't know you, can you give us a little bit of the background, how you do your work, how you got into dating, how you help your clients. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Sami Wunder (6:45)

Absolutely. So my name is Sami Wunder and I specialize in helping high achieving, ambitious women to attract and keep healthy romantic relationships. I've been doing this now for nearly a decade. I have built an eight figure love coaching brand. I have served over 17,000 customers across 90 countries of the globe. And what makes my work stand out in a field of many, many colleagues and relationship coaches is that my process is extremely results oriented. Which means when my CL clients come to work with me, we have a terrific success rate in helping them attract healthy relationships and partners. I've helped over 950 women get married down the aisle, attract healthy, empowered men. And those are just the recorded numbers. The real numbers through my digital programs are much higher than that. I also only support single women. I also support women in relationships and I give them tools, methodologies for them to have more passionate, connected relationships that are based on masculine feminine polarity and the presence of healthy boundaries. Now what got me into this, it's a more personal story. I think. I'm a high achieving woman myself. I never wanted to dumb down or play small or act submissive. Just have a guy in my life.

Kat Zamuto (8:27)

I love that.

Sami Wunder (8:28)

But that also meant that I had a really hard time dating also because I was not just looking to have one night stands or flings. You know, I come from India originally. My husband is German, but When I was dating in Germany, I felt like the guys just wanted to jump into your pants. And like, where does a woman get commitment and family? How does one even get there when one is having such a hard time just A, finding a good man to date and B, the men you do find, you know, either they're not into you or if you like them, they want to have sex fast. And then there is no talk of commitment. So it was like, it felt like a minefield. And I, to be very honest, just blame the guys.

Kat Zamuto (9:20)

I said, we do the same in the United States. We blame the guys.

Sami Wunder (9:26)

There are no good men out there. And the ones I like, you know, they end up being intimidated by my success in my brains. And so the men are always the problem. And it was till I met a man who was far more successful than I was and he was so appreciative and valuing my brains and my intelligence and we had like such a fiery connection. And then within the two month mark, everything went well and then suddenly he disappeared. And I just remember going like, again, like, again the same old thing. And I didn't hear from him for a full 10 days. And then I remember my German girlfriends telling me, oh, you know, in Germany we text men and I think they just want. He just wants to hear more from you, so you should just like send him a text and tell him you're thinking about him. And something in my belly said, like, you haven't heard from him for 10 days. Like, do you really want to text him that you're thinking about him?

Kat Zamuto (10:28)

I know.

Sami Wunder (10:29)

And I went against my intuition and I just texted him and within seconds he responded saying, sammy, you're a lovely girl. I just don't think I am feeling it. And like, I can't give you what you're looking for. And I remember that moment, Kat, because it was so humiliating. Yeah. I think for high achieving women. You know, you can go out there and you can trail blaze and you can build amazing businesses and careers and speak on stages and write books and be on tv. And then when it comes to this aspect of your life, it feels very personal. It feels very.

Kat Zamuto (11:06)

We've all been there. Like a guy ghosts us, and we're like, oh, I'm gonna text him and. And yeah, it's awful, you know, it's awful.

Sami Wunder (11:14)

Yeah, it's an awful feeling. And it often makes you feel like, am I not good enough? Or like, what is wrong with me? I know a lot of my clients feel this way and ask that question for sure. Well, for me, I remember just going, you know what? I'd rather be single. This is too much drama. Yeah, this is just too much drama. I can't take it. I don't want to deal with it. Maybe I'm going to be one of those women who just gets wildly successful and is single and will travel the world alone. You know what? I don't want love. And then I remember the next morning waking up and going, stop it. You do want love. You do want love. You do want adoration. You do want a great husband. You want a family. And you can't let this man steal that desire from you. You have to take your power back. And you know what? Let's just do what you're really good at, which is become a good student again. So I've always been a gold medalist economist, masters of public policy. And I was like, I'm going to figure this out. Because it cannot be possible that in today's world, you either have to be submissive and a doormat in order to have a great man in your life, or, you know, you have to be single. Like, there has to be a third way for the woman of today. And I literally dove into all these books and, you know, learned from the best out there. You know, put together parts, different parts of the process. So I remember learning from John Gray, you know, how men are different from women. I remember learning from Esther Perel about, you know, desire and the difference between, you know, friendship and desire in love. And so I worked with many stalwarts. I picked up different parts of the processes, I implemented it on myself. And within a year, my love life was looking like a complete 180.

Kat Zamuto (13:11)

Wow. Amazing.

Sami Wunder (13:12)

Like before. And I remember my girlfriend's just going like, what is she doing? You know, like, she was like always criticizing the guys and saying, you know, there are no good men out there. And now she's like always out on date nights and she's getting flowers for Valentine's Day and, you know, invitations. And basically, long story short, I rotationally dated. I went on many, many connection dates with great men who treated me so wonderfully. And in that process, I attracted my husband. And within nine months, he proposed. We're 11 years married, two beautiful kids, adores the ground I walk on. Some days I'm like, is this still? Like, is this even real? Like, is this even real? What am I doing? You know, what am I doing so I can teach it to my clients? And basically after, after marriage, we moved to France. He was working at the European Space Agency. I didn't speak French. I was still learning German. And then as if by a stroke of luck from the universe, coincidence, God, whatever you call it, I saw this ad on Facebook that said, do you have a passion, a message that has changed your life and do you want to share it with the world? You know, you can do that as a coach. You can learn how to become a good coach, a certified coach, and you can teach it to others. And so I dived in. I learned, I trained as a coach. Today. I am also accredited as coach of excellence with, you know, expert status and, you know, like sprawling testimonials of women who've done their.

Kat Zamuto (14:49)

Yeah, you have many testimonials on your. On your social media accounts, which is really fabulous. Obviously, you know your game, you know what you're doing, you have a calling for it, and it's incredible that you're sharing what you learned. And you're very inspirational. And I love one thing that you said because I agree with you. When you get frustrated and I know it helps to a lot of women, and obviously has happened to me, when you get your heart broken, so many women say, oh, my God, this is too hard. I'm gonna give up on love. You know, forget it. I just can't handle it anymore. And I think what you said is exactly how I try to look at it. Like, no, don't let that person win. Quote, unquote. You can't give up on love as much as it's hard. You have to figure out a way to pick up the pieces and move on. Because I'm a firm believer that the right person is out there trying to find you. And if you give up on love, all these bad guys win the game, so to speak. But the question is, Sammy, when you. It's easy to say when you're happy, right? And you're in love and. And you're self confident, na na na. But when you are heartbroken, when you are frustrated, when you are exhausted from day, because dating can be exhausting, it can be super frustrating. So if somebody out there is listening and they are really tired from the process of dating, so what would be the first step or one phrase or something that you would tell that person that encourages them to take that first step, to keep going until they find their perfect someone?

Sami Wunder (16:34)

I think it all starts by being objective and dating and not taking it personally, which is really hard, because there is nothing like nothing that feels more personal than love. It brings up fear of rejection. It brings up fear of abandonment. It brings up fear of am I not good enough? Am I not sexy enough? Am I not young enough? Am I too old? Am I too big? Am I too this or that? And what we really have to understand that attracting a great husband, attracting a great partner is all about learning the skills to do that. So love in the Sammy Wunder world is not personal. Love in the Sammy Wunder world is about learning a skill set that any woman can master when she decides to do it. Just like I did it as well. So the women who have men adoring them are not more special, not more beautiful, not more younger. You know, they've just learned the skill to show up as a high value woman, to demonstrate that value in dating, to hold their boundaries, to embody their feminine, to speak their truth with love, to be able to emotionally self regulate, manage their triggers, to be able to, you know, fight fair, communicate respectfully. And these are all skill sets that we don't get taught in school and university and we're just supposed to do relationships on the go. But what if you intentionally educated yourself on what it takes to attract a great guy, keep a great guy, not by becoming some fake version of yourself, but by actually being the best, most empowered, most authentic version of yourself? And so for any woman who is feeling discouraged, down or about to give up in dating, let's make the process objective for you. Let's remind you it's about learning skills. It's not personal.

Kat Zamuto (18:50)

Okay, so let me stop you for a second. Learning skills. So you think there is a method to the madness. Meaning like most people when they're dating, they just put themselves out there. Like, let's say like the dating apps or whatever, they just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and talking. You actually think there is a more specific method to do it properly in order to obtain successful results?

Sami Wunder (19:18)

Absolutely. If you want to attract a healthy, empowered, masculine man, like a doer, a giver, a provider, a protector, a loyal man who adores you and is willing to pour into you, not just take from you. Then you have to be very intentional about the way you show up. I think one of the biggest issues is that women show up without having any skill, any mastery at dating. And then when they fail, they make it about themselves and they take it very personally. So let's just say, Kat, you don't know how to drive a car. I put you on the steering wheel, I ask you to drive, you press all the buttons and then you crash into a tree and then you come out and you say, I am not good enough. I will always cause crashes. Maybe I'm never even meant to drive a car. And then somebody objective walks to you and says, kat, did you go to driving school? Did you learn driving? Because if you didn't learn driving, why are you expecting yourself to drive a car perfectly without crashing? And I think women do this all the time. I was working with a seven figure CEO. You know, she owns a real estate company in Florida. And she told me that dating apps traumatized her.

Kat Zamuto (20:42)

Yeah, she said, as a lot of people say the same thing. Yeah.

Sami Wunder (20:46)

She said to me, if I see that again, you know, I start to get like negative emotions in my body. And then I said, okay, let's see what you did. Do you mind me visiting your process? And when I visited her process, you had to look at her profile pictures. They were like, you know, they. She was standing with three other girlfriends there. You know, she was like, the pictures were poor quality. She was wearing sunglasses. It was so hard to see her eyes and her face. You know, it was all like in shabby T shirt, baggy jeans. And then she went on to say, I don't attract good men. I don't attract good men on these apps. You know, there are no good men on these apps. And here I am sitting at Sammy Wunder. You know, I'm called Europe's number one love coach with such a high success rate. And 78 to 85% of my clients each year meet their men on Bumble, Tinder and Match in the US Is huge. Tinder and Bumble are huge in the US as well. And these are good men. So I'm talking good men. I've had TV presenters from New York who are my clients who have attracted men who work at the White House.

Kat Zamuto (22:02)

But let me. Again, let me interrupt, sorry. Because I know so many girls will text me and they're gonna be like, oh, my God, what are you talking about? Are this quality men really out there? Because so many people are jaded. They don't believe that you can actually find quality, high value men through dating apps. I personally think it's like finding a diamond in the sand. Are they there? Possibly, but very, very. It's like winning the lottery, right? I don't think there's a lot of them.

Sami Wunder (22:38)

Well, I disagree. My life experience and my belief system as an expert in this area has shown me that when I go into a supermarket and I know exactly what.

Kat Zamuto (22:52)

I'm looking for, it is so much.

Sami Wunder (22:55)

Easy for me to find it that. So let's just say I'm looking for a shiny mango, you know, I don't walk into a supermarket and I say, did you look at that rotten banana there? And did you look at that dirty looking apple there that has worms on it? You know, I just go look for the shiny mango. I'm so focused on what I want. Yeah. And yet in online dating, women are constantly talking about what they don't want.

Kat Zamuto (23:19)

Right.

Sami Wunder (23:19)

You know, I'm saying that not good men don't exist online. Well, not good men also exist in the real world. Right. Just like good men exist in the real world. The real world, not good men also exist in the real world. And dating apps are just a representation of what the real world is like. Yeah, there is definitely a lot of trash, but you don't have a solid process if you don't know how to filter through the trash and meet those quality men. Now let me make this claim. My clients swipe 10 minutes a day, have two dates a week, and within three months, they are starting to build a connection with a great man. Right. So that's how fast the process can go. But, and there's a qualification there. You have to know how healthy men behave online. Right. So I did this entire Tinder and Bumble experiment.

Kat Zamuto (24:14)

Yeah, that was gonna be my next question for you because I saw your post on Instagram, the Tinder and Bumble experiment. So let's talk about that. Tell, tell, tell us what you did.

Sami Wunder (24:25)

Well, I'm just going to be blatantly honest as a married woman of 11 years, you know, in Elevate, which is my signature group coaching program where we help, we work with women to help them attract an empowered masculine man. You know, I was starting to feel like my clients are complaining so much about online dating apps. And to be honest, after 11 years of marriage and motherhood, I had lost touch. So I was like, you know what, girls? I'm gonna go back on the apps and I'm gonna flirt for you and I'm gonna show you how to do it. And basically this happened on a retreat, that luxury retreat that I was running. We were in Greece, I think, and they were all on the apps and they were showing me the apps and they were like, look at this profile, Sammy. What do I say to him? And I was like, okay, wait, girls, I'm gonna go online. So I set up my profile.

Kat Zamuto (25:15)

And.

Sami Wunder (25:16)

I set up the most gorgeous profile. I followed my own methodology of how to write a profile that gets you lots of ticks and swipes and matches with guys. And then basically within a week, I recorded the entire experiment. I showed My clients how I was swiping. I showed my clients when I was swiping right when I was swiping left, I showed my clients I had a terrific match rate. Like literally I was matching with 10 to 15 good looking men with good jobs every single day.

Kat Zamuto (25:54)

Really.

Sami Wunder (25:55)

And within a day, within a week, I had six dinner dates. Now I also had coffee date invites, wine date invites, walk in the park invites. But I just told the guys, guys, I. Men, dear man, I have so many of those invites, please can we go to dinner so that I can really get to know you? And they were like, sure, let's do dinner then, right? And of course I didn't go on these dates. I'm a happily married woman, right?

Kat Zamuto (26:23)

It was just an experience.

Sami Wunder (26:24)

Recorded all of this, including the scripts I used to stop texting forever and to actually get to the date. Because the date in person is where the magic is, right? Like when he smells your perfume and sees it you and sees you smile, that's when you start to register in his brain. Because otherwise you're just a face on a device in a sea of many, many faces. And so my clients, if you come check me out and you check out like the sales page of Elevate.

Kat Zamuto (26:57)

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Sami Wunder (28:19)

We've literally had women say, I have to stop swiping and go incognito because this stuff works so much and so powerfully. I have no bandwidth and no time to, like, say yes to all these eggs.

Kat Zamuto (28:30)

Well, let me ask you a question. Well, do you think geography has anything to do with that? Because here in the United States, dates, of course, a lot of people successfully date through dating apps. I've met. I have girlfriends that got married through Tinder. So, yeah. And. But most people complain. Most people say, oh, my God, it's such chaos out there. It's a show. It's so difficult, you know, I'm so burned out. It's so difficult to meet high value, high quality men through these dating apps. You have clients all over the world. Do you think geography plays a part regarding where you are dating, or do you think it's kind of the same regardless of where you live?

Sami Wunder (29:16)

I think it's your mindset. I think everybody wants Prada bags and Gucci bags, but not everybody does the work to have them. Right? Like, it's easy to want everything, but who are you being in the process of wanting those things? And I think, you know, when I work with women, you know, I tell them, you can have a defeatist attitude and you can say, nothing works. And I've had clients in Australia tell me they will migrate to the UK because Australia doesn't have good men and UK does. And I've had clients in UK say they'll migrate to Australia because Australian men are handsome and more masculine, and that's where they will find the love of their life. And to me, sitting here, it's hilarious, because my belief system is good men are everywhere. The question is, are you able to recognize that? Because if you don't even believe that the shiny mango exists, why are you going to the supermarket to shop? So most people are shopping.

Kat Zamuto (30:21)

I love the analogy of the fruits.

Sami Wunder (30:23)

That they don't even believe exist. And I'm like, this whole thing needs to shift. Like, women need to take responsibility for the energy they bring to dating. Right? I know it's hard. I listen to the plight of single women every single day. It's part of my job. And yet if I just bought into those limiting stories, I wouldn't have my clients succeed. Right? So for winners, you need to have a winner's mindset. You need to believe that that which you want exists and it wants you back. And now it's about optimizing your process. So I remember this one Client who didn't date for years. Then her friend encouraged her one night over gin tonic to start dating again. It was time. Guess what? Instead of coming downloading a Sammy Winder program and actually educating oneself on how it's done, guess what she did. She just went on the app, put on some random photos, texted all night with the guy. He asked her out on a date. The next day, he canceled on her. She got her heart broken. She cried the whole night. She said, this thing sucks. I am never doing this again. Men suck. Abs suck. Love sucks. I was like, okay, here we go again. You know, there is no process, there is no thoughtfulness. There is no intentionality in how we're showing up. And we're just doing all these random things, and then we're hoping they would stick. And when they mistake, of course, we give up.

Kat Zamuto (31:58)

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Sami Wunder (36:24)

Really.

Kat Zamuto (36:24)

And that's the keyword for me. Affordable everyday wear that you can use to run errand, stay home, work out, get tons of pieces for yourself for gifts for your friends. The love collection is out now. Everything is super, super, super cute, adorable. Go check it out. Girlyalamode.shopping g I r l I e a la mode.shopping and girlyalamode.com and on Instagram Girly a la mode food. But you know, I agree with you 1 million percent. I've been doing cat on the loose for almost four years now. I hear so many People complain and I've been burned a million times. Sammy. I was married for 14 years and my podcast started after my marriage. It's my journey in the dating world. So it's been a learning curve and I have all kinds of crazy, chaotic dating dating experiences. I've had my heart broken, blah, blah, blah. But I approach it with the best energy. I think it's so much fun. And I always tell my girlfriends, go on a date, and even if it's not gonna be like the man of your dreams, maybe it's gonna be a friend for life, maybe it's gonna be a client, maybe it's gonna be an acquaintance. I always approach it with like super high energy and I have made amazing friends in the process. And people complain. Like for example, in la, right? Because I live in Los Angeles, everybody complains. Oh my God. Dating in LA is horrible because of Hollywood. There is no good man here.

Sami Wunder (38:04)

No, no, no.

Kat Zamuto (38:05)

The other day, some super famous blogger was trashing LA on a podcast. She was being so nasty and I was like, why do you even live here? But I, I think it's the opposite. I think Los Angeles is like such a melting pot of so many interesting people. And like you said, I think it's just about how you get into it. It's about your mindset and how you approach it. And if you decide everything is gonna suck, probably everything is gonna suck. If you decide you're gonna meet only crappy people, you're probably only gonna meet crappy people, right? So at least for me, that's how I haven't met, met maybe my soulmate yet. But I'm always having an amazing time with every single person that I meet that, that comes through my life. And I think it's like everything in life, even if it's work related or friendships, if you decide your city is filled with horrible men or the dating apps are filled with horrible men, that's probably the people you're going to be matched with. Horrible, horrible people.

Sami Wunder (39:10)

Well, our beliefs are always confirmed.

Kat Zamuto (39:12)

Yeah, Yeah, I love that.

Sami Wunder (39:14)

Yeah. Whatever beliefs you bring to the table, they will be confirmed. So be very, very mindful of stories you tell yourself.

Kat Zamuto (39:24)

Yeah, I love that. Let's move on because there's so much more that I want to talk about. Because your content is so rich and time goes by so fast. Let's talk about emotionally unavailable men. Men really quickly because this is so important and you did a few videos about that. I know so many women are in relationships or try to be in relationships with emotionally unavailable men. And many times they don't even notice that the guy is emotionally unavailable. So can you talk a little bit about that? Like, what is an emotionally unavailable man? And I think, think we cannot change that. Do you agree?

Sami Wunder (40:04)

Absolutely. I think it's a trap, and it's going to cost you years unless you decide to step out of that trap. So what is an emotionally unavailable man? Well, it's a man who could show up in so many ways in your life without really, truly, deeply wanting to invest in you with his heart, his vulnerability, and his emotions. So these men come in all different kinds of packages, you know, and they can be extremely confusing if you don't know how to look for the signs of emotional unavailability. So let's look at the straightforward signs. Straightforward signs. Doesn't have enough time. Too much of a workaholic. Right? Always busy. You're never the priority. The work is always the priority. Family is priority. Beer drinking is priority. Friends and hobbies are priority. Travel is priority. You're never the priority. The relationship is never the priority. So workaholics are great examples of emotionally unavailable men. Another type of emotionally unavailable man is the man who will keep the relationship at a superficial level. This means let's have sex. Let's go out once a week or twice a week on dinner dates. Let's have sex. And I will not introduce you to my family. I will never talk about more commitment. I will never talk about the rain, but I will treat you well. Now, this is the dangerous trap. Why is this a dangerous trap? It's a dangerous trap because a. When women are sleeping with the guy, they're bonding. Now, men are not bonding through sex. This is just scientifically proven. Unless you're his wife, he's not bonding with you just because he's sleeping with you. Right. Like, it doesn't. It doesn't work that way for men hormonally. So you're releasing oxytocin as a woman, you're bonding, and then he treats you well. So your hope is that because he treats you well, one day, if you just stick along, you will become the woman he will choose to be wife. You will become the woman he will choose to be girlfriend and introduced to his friends and family. Now, this is the biggest trap. This is where women sleep with the guy, you know, and just be in these hidden relationships for years, hoping that one day they will be publicly proclaimed as the girlfriend, publicly proclaimed as the wife. Never happens. The only thing that happens is six years down the line, seven years down the line. When you ask for it, he says, I can't give that to you. And you get replaced with another girl who's gonna repeat that pattern with him.

Kat Zamuto (42:43)

But some girls knows they, their answer is, oh, he really loves me. It's just a matter of time until I can change him because he loves me. But it doesn't happen. Right. We cannot change men like that. No, it's a waste of time.

Sami Wunder (42:59)

Right. Like that. And I truly believe that when a woman puts up with this kind of behavior, his attraction and his respect for you reduces every month and every year you put up with that behavior, you know? Yeah. So no man wants to wife a woman who he doesn't respect. No man wants to wife a woman who he doesn't think is valuing herself. So when women keep undervaluing and undermining their worth in these kind of situationships, they are actually, you know, cutting their own foot. You know, like at some level, if you had the courage at six months to say, you know, honey, this feels really good. And at the same time, you know, know, I'm a traditional woman, you know, I'm looking for marriage, I'm looking for commitment. And you know, it doesn't seem like we're on the same page about that. In which case, as much as I love you, I have to break away from this. I have to look after myself. He is going to value you so much more when you do that versus when you put it up with his non committal behaviors.

Kat Zamuto (44:04)

Totally. I get messages from girls, women all over the world, every single week saying that, oh my God, I'm with this guy, he won't commit or he comes over just for sex, blah, blah, blah, blah. But he loves me. Should I stick around? Should I change girls? If you're out there listening, go away. I think love yourself first, right? Respect yourself first. If somebody is not emotionally available, if they're not committing to you, if they're not respecting you, you need to respect yourself and get out. Right, Sammy?

Sami Wunder (44:36)

And I think the most most important thing is don't give your body away without a commitment. Like for me, my body is like the most sacred temple, you know, and dating was so hard in Germany and I had all these offers from all these hot, muscular men and I was like, you know what? My body is out of bounds. And I think so many women subconsciously think that sex is the way to love with a guy. If you give sex, that's when you sort of own him and that's when he's gonna fall in love with you. I Don't think there could be anything further away from the truth. Ask all the wives out there. You know, we held our standards. We didn't attract husbands by giving in to what men wanted. We attracted husbands by valuing how we desired to be treated before we shared our body. So for the women who are, you know, in situations which feels really painful and vulnerable, like you're sleeping with this guy, he doesn't introduce you to his friends and family, he hides you from the world, he treats you well, except that it's only for sex. And you start to feel like you're a booty call. But you don't know how to get out of this equation. The next time you date, just do not sleep so quickly. Like, hold out with the, with, with exclusivity. Hold out with sharing your body. Let the man bond with you first emotionally. Let him invest in you first emotionally. Let him take you out. Let him take you on trips. Let him work for it before you give it away. This is so important.

Kat Zamuto (46:23)

Yeah, you did a video about that and it's a very controversial opinion because there is two sides of the coin. I ask all the experts that come on the show, all the matchmakers, but you do talk about sexual. You call it sexual gratification in your book. You, like you just said you think women should wait and wait and wait when in a new relationship. Right. Like you just said, I've had a lot of men come to the show that tell me they disagree. They think it's the woman withholding sex, playing a game, playing it like kind of like an emotional black male. And a lot of men don't like it, that it can backfire. So it can be a double edged sword. That's what a lot of guys say.

Sami Wunder (47:22)

Not at all, not at all. So I also think, like, we have to ask ourselves, you know, the people who say that, who look at, who use words like withholding and game playing, what is the energy they bring to dating? Because a healthy, empowered masculine man would never use these words. A healthy, empowered masculine man would say, I want her to feel good. I want her to take her time. I want her to be ready for this when she's ready for this. Now the words I'm hearing from the men that you code, it's like, this is about me and my needs. This is about like she's game playing, she's withholding. And I just like feel that negative energy just coming through. I'm sorry, with respect for all your guests who've said this, this, I think we can put it more neutrally, I think we can say that there are simply men who will not stay if they don't get sex quickly, which is good, right?

Kat Zamuto (48:28)

If they don't say, exactly, I agree.

Sami Wunder (48:32)

It'S not a match and that's fine.

Kat Zamuto (48:35)

Yeah.

Sami Wunder (48:35)

You know, however, for the women that I am working with, you know, I am not looking for those women to share their bodies, to gratify a man out of the fear of losing the man.

Kat Zamuto (48:49)

Right. That's a horrible idea anyways.

Sami Wunder (48:51)

Right. I think that's a very unhealthy. And I think these messages are dangerous, especially on large platforms, because young women will listen to this and they will feel that pressure and they will feel the obligation to have sex. Maybe they're not even ready. Maybe they don't even want it. But then there is this, this social conditioning through social media where you're hearing messages like there are guys who say it's a manipulation tactic. And I believe, of course, there could be women who manipulate this way. It's not what I stand for. I just stand for a woman respecting herself and respecting her body and respecting her pace. I am not about not having sex forever. I am have about having sex when you know that there is an emotional connection that has been established. So the emotional connection comes first, and sexual connection then is a byproduct of that emotional connection. Any man who challenges that is not right.

Kat Zamuto (49:53)

I completely agree with you. I think it's all about doing what feels right for you and whenever the time is right for, for you. And I, I only speak for myself. And in my case, I can only have sex with someone if I have an emotional connection with the person. I don't want to have meaningless sex. I don't want to have casual sex. I don't want to have anything. And I like most women that want to be in a relationship, right? And I agree with you. If you go on a date and you feel pressured, if you feel the guy just wants to take you to bed or invites you to, for example, another thing that guys do a lot, right? I. I get messages all the time, like second, third, fourth date, the guy is like, oh, come to my place. That's a big red flag. Big red flag, absolutely. Like, why would he be inviting you to his place on the second or third date? Don't go, because if he cares enough about you, he won't mind taking you to a restaurant, to a coffee or whatever, coming to your neighborhood. For me, I need to feel like I know the person so well. Like we have so much in Common, like we are gonna be in a relationship. Like we have common goals. I think it's all about feeling comfortable with what's important to you. Like you said, developing something. Yeah. Emotionally strong or, or something comfortable for you. And yes, I agree. If you feel that the guy is putting any kind of pressure to do something physical. And again, we are talking here about people that want relationships. If you're listening and you want to have casual sex, I have nothing against that. I think women nowadays, you know, they have the same rights as men. Right. If you want to go have casual sex, go have casual sex. But we are talking about people that want to be in relationships. I mean, but if you meet a guy that is, is kind of like pushing you to go have quick sex sex. Great. Then that's not a guy for you.

Sami Wunder (51:51)

Absolutely.

Kat Zamuto (51:53)

It's that simple.

Sami Wunder (51:56)

But honor yourself. You can never go wrong by honoring yourself.

Kat Zamuto (52:00)

Yeah.

Sami Wunder (52:01)

And don't let fear and pressure and obligation lead you down that path.

Kat Zamuto (52:06)

Yeah, I love that. Moving on a little bit. You talked about something so important that I want to mention because a lot of people don't even notice that. Or maybe they don't understand it. You, you said that a lot of men crave being around feminine energy. I completely agree. And many times a lot of women don't even realize that they surround themselves with heavy masculine energy. Maybe because we're too stressed out or maybe because. Because you have high power jobs or whatever it is in your life and you give them tips on how to transform that masculine energy into feminine energy around guys. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Sami Wunder (52:57)

Yeah, absolutely. So I'm a big believer that the key to having it all is knowing how to balance your masculine and feminine energy. So as a woman who's running a multi seven figure per year business, of course I need my masculine energy, which means I need to take action. I need to do logistics, I need to plan, I need to delegate. I need to manage a team of people who work for me and support me. And yet I need to be able to switch that energy off when I am sitting with my husband and enjoying a glass of wine. Because for me to connect with him, and if he's a masculine, integrated and embodied man, he's not going to connect with me in my masculine. We're going to repel each other, we're going to start fighting or arguing or headbutting or worse still, we're going to become friends. Which means there will be no sexual spark and he will just be like he's sitting with a Buddy. So you might have a woman's body, but if you're energetically in masculine, you will repel masculine men and you will attract more feminine, integrated men, which means you're going to be the bigger energy in the relationship. And this feels good till it doesn't feel good at all. So for women who are successful, like my clients, you know, I've worked with, with a Hollywood actor, I've worked with some top TV stars from the uk tv and what I found is that these women love subtly, subconsciously chasing men and pursuing men. They really actually like it. If a guy doesn't pursue them, then they like feel the spark more and then they will like drop a text and then they'll feel like, oh good, he must be worth it because he's making me work for him. Till they come to a point where they've done all the work in the relationship and masculine energy and now they've attracted a man who is actually sitting at home on the couch playing PlayStation and hoping she's going to make the money and feed and provide and do all the work. And then they get super resentful and they say, I'm doing all the work. What about him? But hey, that was the agreement of your relationship dynamic. So if you want to attract a more masculine embodied men, you have to know how to switch into your feminine. Because based on the law of polarity, which is what sexual tension and attraction is based on in a relationship, which means the presence of polar opposite energies. I mean, just think about it yourself as a woman, do you like the more feminine men or do you actually like the more muscular, masculine, outgoing, like providing, giving, doing kind of mental. Well, it's the same with these men, you know, they like more feminine women. They like women who can receive. They like women who are not so much up in their head being logical and rational all the time, but more in touch with their bodies and their feelings and their emotions, right? So just like you like more masculine men, masculine men like women in their feminine energy. And so the secret to having it all without dumbing down, without playing small, without acting dumb, is to know which energy to bring where. So at work, totally cool to bring in your masculine, but then also knowing how and when to switch that off. So on dates, etc, or when you're around your partner, you know, you can switch back, relax, lean back, be more playful, be more present, be more grateful, receive. You don't have to do everything, you don't have to pick up the check, you don't have to have to open the doors, you can allow yourself to be treated. You can be a girl. I think it's so fun being a girl. And that's why when women tell me dating is hard, I'm like, really?

Kat Zamuto (57:00)

I know.

Sami Wunder (57:00)

You get wine and dine and all the doors opened and it's like so fun.

Kat Zamuto (57:05)

I know. I love, I completely agree with you. I am like a super old fashioned kind of girl. I love the gestures. I love the old fashioned gentleman. You know, the, the dinner, the wine, the car door, planning the date. And I think it's still completely fine. Like you said, we can kick ass at work. We can still be business owners, we can still be making great money and still, yeah, let the guy lead. When it comes to planning dates and bringing flowers and planning dinners. It does not minimize our power as businesswoman and business owners. And I know a lot of feminists, feminists think I don't care. I still love your advice and the idea of balance and, and remembering to be feminine. Fantastic advice. Sammy. I love your work all the way from Germany. I love to see like different perspectives from different cultures. How can people get in touch with you? Please let us know.

Sami Wunder (58:08)

Absolutely. So you can find me on Instagram at the rate SammyWeb wonder coach Sammy Wonder Official. Those are both my accounts. You can follow me, say hi, let me know you found me through cat. And even more importantly, I have a gift for all the ladies who are listening to this show. So I have a 30 minute training. It's a super fast, super easy video training where I reveal to you my exact process on how you can go from not dating to attracting your ideal man within the next six months. Okay. So I'm very intentional, I'm very results oriented for my clients. That's my strength. And you can download this training through the link in the show notes and watch it. It's going to be the best 30 minutes you spend on your love life. And as a thank you for watching the training, you are also invited then to book a call and a free consultation with, with one senior coach from my team who will be very happy to speak to you about, you know, where we see your blind spots are and why, you know, love is feeling hard and how we can make it feel easier and more exciting and actually help you get results.

Kat Zamuto (59:22)

Thank you so much. We really appreciate, we love all the free advice we can get so dating gets a little bit easier. But I agree it's still fun. I think the more you enjoy the process, the more, more the better results you're gonna get. And guys don't forget to check out the video episode that we upload on YouTube because not only she's insanely intelligent, insanely talented, she's gorgeous. Very, very beautiful. Congratulations on all your amazing work. It's such an honor to have you. Thank you so much, Sammy. We really appreciate it.

Sami Wunder (59:53)

Thank you, dad. It's been such a joy talking to.

Kat Zamuto (59:55)

You and follow her work because her videos are really, really, really, really fabulous. And be safe out there in the dating world and I'll see you guys very, very soon. Not only I'm a huge supporter of women supporting women, but I have so many amazing guy friends in my industry. So I want to give two big shout outs to people that also do podcasts and radio stations. It's such a tough business. So big, big shout outs to other podcasts that I love very, very, very much. And I always say there is room for everybody. I think we need to stop looking at each other's competition, competition, competition and more looking at each other as co workers, looking at each other as collaborators. Because like I said, if we're authentic, we should all do our thing and there is space for everybody body. So if you guys love sports, I highly recommend check out Aira on Sports, one of the top sports podcasts in the nation by Ira Kaufman. Ira is a walking encyclopedia of sports. He follows sports no matter what it is. Football, volleyball, tennis, golf, you name it. He's there up and down the country, everywhere. Amazing guest interviews. He drops new episodes every Mondays. He is incredible. He's in all the games. He always has exclusive photos, exclusive videos on Instagram, on Twitter. Ira on Sports. I highly recommend you guys check it out. I love it. And if you're a huge fan of country music, I love it. Check out Kick Ass country radio. You can listen everywhere you go. You can get all the links through their Instagram. Kick kick ass country music so you can get your country vibe on the go. Big shout out to them. They are my friends out of Texas and I love them. Kick ass. Many, many kisses for you guys.