NEVER DATE A BROKE DUDE with PATTIE EHSAEI

Summary

Kat on the Loose – "NEVER DATE A BROKE DUDE" with Pattie Ehsaei

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Pattie Ehsaei (author of Never Date a Broke Dude, aka @duchessofdecorum)
Date: August 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this riveting episode, Kat Zammuto welcomes “Duchess of Decorum” Pattie Ehsaei to delve into what “Never Date a Broke Dude” really means. The conversation covers far more than just the surface-level dating advice implied by the book’s cheeky title. Instead, it unpacks deep issues of financial independence, abusive dynamics, resilience, and the essential steps women (and men) need to take to protect and empower themselves financially and emotionally in relationships. Raw, practical, and unfiltered, the episode is a crash course in financial self-respect and pragmatic love.

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Key Discussion Points

The Real Message Behind “Never Date a Broke Dude”

• The book is not just about avoiding financially unsuccessful men, but about women taking full control of their finances and not relinquishing their agency for comfort or societal expectations.
  • "It’s really about teaching women to be just mentally and emotionally and financially independent." (Pattie, 02:55)
  • Pattie calls it the "Financial Freedom Playbook" to emphasize self-reliance over dependency.

Financial Dependence: How Women Lose Their Freedom

• Kat and Pattie discuss Kat’s personal story of marrying a multimillionaire and how she gradually lost her independence as she became more financially dependent on her husband – a trap that millions fall into.
  • "As the marriage progressed, he convinced me more and more… I became more and more financially dependent on him." (Kat, 03:34)
• The duo reflects on societal conditioning that expects men to provide and women to nurture, and why this is a dangerously outdated myth.
  • "Whoever controls your money controls you. Period." (Pattie, 08:16)

How to Avoid or Escape Financial Entrapment

• First step: Always maintain your own stream of income and savings, regardless of your partner’s wealth.
  • "Every woman should have ‘fuck you money.’" (Pattie, quoting Dr. Jen Berman’s aunt, 07:09)
• If already in a financially controlling relationship, start stashing money discreetly—even if it means side hustles or remote gigs.
  • "Open a bank account in another bank that he doesn't have access to, and you start putting money away slowly in that account." (Pattie, 10:16)
• Don’t wait for conditions to be perfect. Start taking action now. Kat shares her “upgrade method”—surrounding yourself with successful people and not “downgrading” your life even when starting over, as a way to open opportunity.

The Mental Shift: Why Women Hold Themselves Back

• Pattie references a Hewlett-Packard study: women only apply for jobs if they meet 100% of qualifications, men at 60%—the confidence gap.
  • "Women were conditioned to believe not to go out there. Don’t be go getters, make yourself small." (Pattie, 14:57)
• Both women agree that practical experience and resilience, not necessarily formal education, are the real keys.
  • "Everything I learned was from doing… That’s how you learn. That’s how you learn." (Kat/Patty, 23:16–23:25)

Practical Advice on Prenups and Financial Legalities

• Signing a prenup should be standard. But beware of static prenups that don’t account for growth.
  • "The prenup has to grow as he grows… Anything in the prenup that doesn't grow is a red flag." (Pattie, 29:55–30:39)
• Marriage is ultimately a financial contract, not just a love contract.
  • "Marriage is not a love contract. Marriage is a financial contract. And it is the biggest financial decision you will ever make in your life." (Pattie, 31:41)

The Importance of Financial Transparency in Relationships

• Critical questions to ask before marrying/committing: financial habits, goals, support expectations, credit score, and more.
  • "What are their financial habits? Are they a saver? Are they a spender?" (Pattie, 40:37)
• If your partner refuses to discuss finances or sign a fair prenup, it’s a major red flag.
  • "If someone does not want to have these conversations with you, major red flag." (Kat, 43:04)

Don’t Date Broke—But "Broke" Is More Than Money

• "Broke" is as much about mentality, ambition, and work ethic as money itself.
  • "Broke is not just financially, it’s mentally. If you don’t have money, you’re not financially nor mentally in a place to be the best version of yourself for a partner." (Pattie, 45:37)
• Both agree: don’t date (or marry) until you’re in a stable place yourself.

Aftermath of Financial & Emotional Abuse: Rebuilding

• Both Kat and Pattie share stories of being drawn into relationships with “broke dudes”—not just men with no money, but with no ambition or moral backbone, often while they were personally vulnerable.
  • "If you're in that situation, pause everything. Get your shit together like we did. And then you think about dating again." (Kat & Pattie, 49:34)
• The book is filled with practical, step-by-step advice for rebuilding—starting with demanding accountability and surrounding yourself with supportive, high-standard people.

Decorum, Manners, and Upgrading Your Life

• Confidence and self-presentation matter. Dress for the job/life you want, not the one you have.
  • "Dress for the job you want." (Pattie, 56:25)
• Basic manners and etiquette remain vital for personal and professional upgrading—a recurring theme in Pattie’s content as @duchessofdecorum.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Freedom is not free." (Pattie, 04:33)
• "Every woman should have ‘fuck you money.’" (Pattie, quoting Dr. Jen Berman's aunt, 07:09)
• "Whoever controls your money controls you. Period." (Pattie, 08:16)
• "Hope is not a strategy, Kat." (Pattie, 35:17)
• "Marriage is not a love contract. Marriage is a financial contract… and it is the biggest financial decision you will ever make in your life." (Pattie, 31:41)
• "If you sit around waiting, you’re probably going to wait forever… you need to take action." (Kat, 14:38)
• "Broke is a mentality… you cannot be the best version of yourself for a partner if you’re broke.” (Pattie, 45:37)
• "Money does not buy class." (Pattie, 57:15)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:14 – Introduction to main episode content; Kat shares her background and story
• 04:33 – Financial freedom equated with real freedom
• 07:09 – The concept of “fuck you money”
• 08:16 – Principle: “Whoever controls your money controls you”
• 10:16 – Practical advice for escaping financial dependency
• 14:57 – Women & confidence; the Hewlett-Packard study
• 23:16 – Real success comes from doing, not school
• 29:55 – How to structure a fair and growth-linked prenup
• 31:41 – Marriage as a financial contract
• 40:36 – Seven critical financial questions to ask before marriage
• 45:37 – "Broke" as a mentality; why you shouldn’t date if you aren’t whole
• 49:34 – Importance of mental health and stability before dating
• 56:25 – Self-presentation and upgrading your circles
• 57:15 – Money vs. class and the importance of decorum

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Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• Financial Independence = True Freedom: Women (and men) must prioritize their own financial health, regardless of their partner’s status.
• Transparency & Planning: Open, unromantic financial conversations and well-constructed prenups are non-negotiable for long-term safety.
• “Broke” Is a Mindset: Drive, ambition, and self-respect are just as vital as money in the bank.
• Decorum Matters: How you present yourself, both in attitude and manners, can help elevate your life and opportunities.
• Resilience Is Key: It’s never too late to start over, but action—not waiting—is what rebuilds a life.
• Available Resources: Pattie’s book (Never Date a Broke Dude) and her Instagram (@duchessofdecorum) serve as invaluable resources for practical financial and social advice.

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💡 For more:

• Find Pattie Ehsaei at @duchessofdecorum
• Buy Never Date a Broke Dude on Amazon

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If you're struggling financially or emotionally in your relationship, know that freedom—and a fresh start—is always possible, with the right tools and mindset.

Transcript

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[Kat]

to Cat on the Loose. Thank you.

[Patty]

I'm so happy to be here. Pat.

[Kat]

I am honored to have you because I am madly in love with your work, with your book. And as we were saying, we started I think we need three hours. So yes, this is probably going to be part one of many wonderful.

[Patty]

I'm happy to come back.

[Kat]

So let's do this fast and furious. I'm going to try to pack in as much information as we possibly can. Because, like I was saying, I want information that helps our massive audience of women out there. As much as your. Your book has this adorable, funny title. Never did a book. Never date a Broke Dude. It's so much more than that.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

It's literally about women taking control of their finance and being financially independ.

[Patty]

Absolutely. That's why I call it the Financial Freedom Playbook. Because, yeah, the title is cool, it's catchy, you know, all of that. But it's really about teaching women to be just mentally and emotionally and financially independent. It's all of that. Yeah.

[Kat]

And it's so important. So prefacing, before I ask you the 10 million question, I want to ask you, you probably don't know. And for those of you guys who are new to Cut on the Loose, I was married to a multimillionaire for 15 years.

[Patty]

Wow.

[Kat]

A lot of people, I just did a video about that on my social media. A lot of people, when they met us, most people, they never gave me a chance. They were like, she's Latin, she's blonde, she wants his money.

[Patty]

She has an accent.

[Kat]

His green card. Yeah, she's a whore. La la la la la. And it was the opposite, because I put myself through college, I paid for my education, I got my own green card, I became a citizen. I did everything by myself. So when I met him, I didn't know him, Right. So that being said, he was very controlling because he made so much money. So like it happens to millions of women. So as the marriage progressed, he convinced me more and more. I was very young, by the way. I was in my 20s. Right. As the marriage progressed, I worked less and less and less. I became more and more financially dependent on him. He would throw a fit every time I wanted to work, which is something I always love doing. And I know it happens to millions of women out there in the beginning, like, oh, this is so cool, right? Oh, yeah, buy me all this bag. But you forget that you are giving up probably the most important aspect of your life. Because financial freedom is freedom.

[Patty]

Absolutely. Freedom is not free.

[Kat]

Exactly. Freedom is not free. And a lot of women say, well, I don't leave this abusive marriage. I don't leave my husband because I depend on him financially.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

So how do we. Maybe it's a long answer, but the first step, how do we avoid that happening? I hope no woman gets to that situation that I was in. So what is the first step in terms of avoiding that?

[Patty]

I think one Thing we need to understand is that the number one reason women stay in unhappy marriages is not because they don't want a divorce. It's not because of the kids, it's not because they're afraid of what people will say. It's because of financial independence. Right. They don't have the money to leave.

[Kat]

Right.

[Patty]

And the problem is, is that we have been conditioned to believe that a man is the provider, so he is supposed to provide. And prot? Means he needs to work and he needs to bring the money. And then we are the nurturers and our natural role is to stay home. Which is complete bullshit. That comes from the hunter and gatherer myth that says that men were hunters and women were gatherers. And that's a lie, because women were hunting big game. The best hunters in the tribes of our ancestors were the grandmothers. So it's all a lie. And we have been drinking this Kool Aid since the beginning of time.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

So then when we meet someone that has a lot of money, we're like, okay, this is the way it's supposed to be. Look, he's going to make all the money. And at first you don't see the controlling aspect of this relationship. At first it's fun. Like you were saying, you travel, you're getting the bags, it's great. But slowly they chip away at you, saying, well, I don't want you to work full time. Right. So then you work part time. And that says, you know what, I really don't like the part time. Can you cut that to the point where you don't work and they have complete control over you?

[Kat]

Exactly.

[Patty]

That is the game.

[Kat]

That's what happened to me. And I remember now, obviously looking back, I know that was because he became extremely abusive, by the way. Verbally abusive, financially abusive, physically abusive. But I remember he used to use this phrase to me. Oh, I make more in a day than you're going to make in a year.

[Patty]

Are you stupid?

[Kat]

Sit by the pool, drink champagne.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

Looking back, this is such an offensive phrase because it's not really about how much you make. But I do believe that so many women sell themselves shorts because I think it's okay to want a man who is a provider. But on the same token, regardless of whether or not he's providing, we should still have our own stuff going on

[Patty]

and make our own money. Absolutely. Every woman. Dr. Jen Berman, her aunt Tony, said this thing, and I will never forget, I always give her credit for it, that every woman should have fuck you money.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Patty]

Okay, yes. And that is money in your own account that you only control that will give you the opportunity to leave. If this relationship were to end, if he were to pass away, if he trades you in for a younger model, if you don't want to be with him, and if you don't have that, you're in a very dangerous position, like my mother was, because you have to stay in abusive relationship that you can't leave.

[Kat]

Oh, yeah. Especially if they have kids, right?

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

There are thousands of women. We get dozens of messages. If you look at the Facebook groups, there's hundreds of thousands, thousands of women, like, I have kids. Where am I gonna go? He controls the purses. It's so much harder to start over.

[Patty]

Yes. And when you have kids, you have other people that you have to support. Right. So it's not just you. It's not just, oh, I'm just gonna go sleep on somebody's couch. It's like, okay, what am I gonna do with my kids now? I can't leave. So regardless of. And my mom would always. She says it doesn't matter how much money your husband makes, you always make and control your own money because whoever controls your money controls you. Yes. Period. And so even if you are married to a man that has a lot of money, you need to have a separate account with your own money. Six months of living expenses in that account in case something happens.

[Kat]

I could not agree with you more. But now let's say somebody out there who is in the situation, they already made the mistake.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

They're screwed. They're in an unhappy marriage. La la. What would be your suggestion if they really want to get out and start over? Because I started over.

[Patty]

Sure.

[Kat]

From I don't have kids. However I started over from. That's how my show started. My husband was going to die because he was an alcoholic. Super long story. We redid the wheel. We spent more than $40,000 redoing the wheel. I inherited everything. The courts, pardon my French, didn't give a. Yeah. I lost everything. I lost.

[Patty]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kat]

It's a true story that happened in the United States of America. I lost my bank accounts, my cars, my personal property, my home. Everything we. I had in 15 years. I thought my life was set.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And I went from like, okay. And the person that. It's a long story. My. My listeners know, but the. The person that did this to me actually said, you're going to end up on the street, homeless, with nothing. And I thought I was going to.

[Patty]

Wow.

[Kat]

Because I had that. That Abuser abused a person that was abused mentality. And people ask me how to start over. How to start over. I know a lot of women are not as resourceful or resilient, I would say, as I was, because I rolled up my sleeves and I was like, you know what? Whatever. I'm gonna start over. And I'll tell you about my method that I want to ask your opinion about it, because I know it's very controversial. I call it the upgrade method, but I did it. But some, maybe somebody out there listening, they're like, patty, I want to get out of the how do I start over?

[Patty]

Yeah. Okay. So there's one thing that you have to do is start putting some money away somehow. Okay? Even if it means getting a little side hustle. Even if it means right now it's so easy to get side hustle money. You can literally do it from your sofa, on your computer. You can do data entry, right? Anything, just to get some money. And you slowly start to put away. You open a bank account in another bank that he doesn't have access to, that he doesn't know about, and you start putting money away slowly in that account. And you build it, and you build it, and you build it. And if you feel comfortable, a lot of women don't, but if you feel comfortable, your man, if he really loves you, he wants you protected as well.

[Kat]

Okay, but that's a big if, right? Because a lot of men think I love you and I'm doing the best for you.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

But at the same time, they want to control you, right?

[Patty]

No, absolutely. Absolutely. You'll know if he wants to control you. But there are women who have men and who have asked that I coach, that have. Who have asked their husbands. I feel like I don't have anything of my own. Are you willing to fund an account for me just so I have some safety, just so I feel safe?

[Kat]

But what if. That's the thing, Pat, you know how it is. A lot of men are like, the minute you say that, they're like, okay, she's playing. She's gonna cheat on me. Right?

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

Yeah. Right?

[Patty]

Yeah. And that's why I say the better approach is just to start making your money a little bit yourself, putting away some money yourself, however you can it. That will build slowly and that will give you time.

[Kat]

Yeah, I so what I did. And give me your honest opinion, because I talk a lot about that on my social media. And I know especially experts say, oh, you're crazy. And I don't want to give people Advice. I just tell them what works for me. I was in. We were. We had residents all over the United States. I was in Miami when my husband died. And all these things happened to me. So, I mean, I was broke. You're. You're jobless, you're broke. You. I went down to my, my bank account. I had half a million dollars in it. The next day is closed. All the money is gone. I had nothing. So I'm like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna pack up my dogs in my car and I'm gonna move back to Beverly Hills because it's my happy place.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And people there are successful, they're rich, they're wealthy. I'm gonna go where they are. And my friends were like, are you crazy? You should sell your car, move to the suburbs, take the bus.

[Patty]

Like they.

[Kat]

You. The mentality is downgrade when you're having issues. Right. Cut the Starbucks, move to a bad area.

[Patty]

You.

[Kat]

In my mind, if you are in a tough situation, why are you going to downgrade even more? Because the people in that neighborhood are very, very unlikely to open doors for you. As opposed to like, yeah, if you come to Beverly's and you start walking around, you're much more likely to find people that are okay, you know, I like this girl. I'm going to give her a chance.

[Patty]

Sure.

[Kat]

So I call that, you know, the upgrade mentality. But I understand that a lot of financial experts say you shouldn't be spending money, you shouldn' living in a. Paying $3,000 rent in a fancy neighborhood if you're broke.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

So what do you think about that?

[Patty]

Well, I think the difference between what you did and what some people do is you actually had a plan.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

Right. So if you have a plan and this is part of the plan, Right. I have a plan that I'm going to do X, Y and Z. I'm going to start a podcast. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. And it's going to require me to live in a nice place, to drive a nice car, to look like I have nice things, then that's the difference because I think of that as an investment in your business. Okay. If you have a plan, a lot of people don't have the same plan or don't have the gumption that you did that, don't have the self starter method that you did. So you're lucky that you have that inside you. But a lot of people don't. So what they do is they live in that nice place, drive that nice car, whatever. But it's just money going out the door without it ever coming back.

[Kat]

True.

[Patty]

What you're doing is you're putting an investment into something.

[Kat]

I feel that a lot of women, they just sit around waiting for the right something like, oh, I need an investor. I have this great business idea. Every day they send me messages. They probably send you messages.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

I have this fabulous business idea, but I need an investor. Oh, I want to do a podcast, but I need, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I need, I feel they're just sitting around waiting. And in my mind, if you sit around waiting, you're probably gonna wait forever. I think you need to take take action, whatever it is that you want to do.

[Patty]

Right, right. You have to know what you want to do though, Right. So a lot of women are like that because we've been conditioned to believe not to go out there. Don't be go getters, make yourself small. You're not able to do this. It's not in you. That's not the way women are, you know. So I think we've been conditioned to believe that. So I give women some grace around that. But they need to be self starters and they need, and they need to have enough confidence within themselves to understand that they will figure it out.

[Kat]

I'm glad you said that. That's a key phrase. Figure it out. Because I really believe and I hope no woman on the planet goes through what I went through, but I do believe we are way more resilient.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

And stronger and capable than we think we are. And like you just said, especially the ones that were depending on men, such as myself, they developed this mentality, what am I gonna do without him?

[Patty]

Right, Exactly. They don't think that they are complete unless they have a man. And they don't think that they can stand on their own two feet. And if you don't mind, I'd like to tell you about this Hewlett Packard study that was done on women. Okay. So Hewlett Packard wanted to know why women were not applying for the managerial jobs. So they did a whole survey and the survey came back and in order for a woman to apply for a job, she felt like she had to meet 100% of the requirements. So if she didn't meet 100%, she wouldn't apply. Okay. Men, on the other hand, they only applied if they met 60% of the requirements. That's close to an F. Wow. So the dude is saying, I know I only have 60%, I basically have an F. But I'm going to apply anyway because I'm going to figure it out. They have the confidence versus the woman don't have the confidence. They're like, if I don't meet 100%, I'm not even gonna try. So the woman who has 85% of the qualifications is not applying, not getting the job. The guy with 60% is applying, getting the job, and then she's calling him boss.

[Kat]

Oh, my God. How do we change that mentality, though?

[Patty]

We need to talk about it just like we are now. We need to get it out. We need to talk about these things that are happening in society and how we have been brainwashed to be small, how we have been brainwashed not to be go getters. How we have brainwashed to believe we are less than. And the second that we start to actually think through that and be like, that's complete bullshit, we will start to rise.

[Kat]

And I tell you, there is also another component. Right. When you and I know a lot of women dream, I want to marry a millionaire. I want to marry a millionaire.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Okay, cool. I did. It's fun. Yeah, it's really nice. It's nice to have a guy buying you things. Right. Taking care of you.

[Patty]

I think it's nice to have anybody buying things and taking care of you.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Exactly.

[Kat]

Every woman enjoys that. The pampering. We're to talk about that. I want to get to your book very soon, but I think the. The best part is when you know you can buy your own things. It's tastes. I say taste.

[Patty]

It tastes different. Yes.

[Kat]

It's a completely different vibe. You're like, okay, he gave me a Chanel bag. That's pretty amazing. But I know I can go to Chanel right now and buy me a bag. I know I can take myself to Monaco if I want.

[Patty]

And you know who else knows? He also knows.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Patty]

So. And that's important. He also knows that you could buy yourself a Chanel bag. He also knows that you can take yourself to Monaco. So he understands that when he gives you a Chanel bag, he can't control you with that bag. Right. That this is a gift that he's truly giving from his heart rather than, look, I'm gonna give you a Chanel bag. Shut the fuck up.

[Kat]

Yeah, I love that. But again, I think women that just want and this word right now that everybody's using a provider. Provider, provider, provider. I think there's a big difference between wanting a provider because you want a partner up to par with you and you want to Provide, because you want to sit around. The ones that want to sit around doing nothing, I believe they're selling themselves short 100%.

[Patty]

And they're not just selling themselves short, but they're giving away ultimate control over their own lives and destiny. That's the problem, is that they think that they have control over their lives and they don't. They've given up full control.

[Kat]

And it's. You know, in all fairness, it's what I did, because I was very. Obviously, nowadays, I would never do. I laugh, right? I look at.

[Patty]

It's a joke.

[Kat]

I look at me with my 20s, I'm like, what the hell are you thinking? Who's that woman with that person? Right? But I did relinquish a lot of control. I stopped work. I stopped all the projects that I loved. I became 90% financially dependent on a man. I was severely, severely abused for 15 years, to the point that when he died, then I lost everything. I think I saw a phrase that you. Paraphrasing something you said, like, it's not overnight that you remember who you are.

[Patty]

It's not.

[Kat]

It doesn't. It's not like I was like, oh, you know, who cares? I lost everything. I know I'm brilliant. I have college degrees. I speak five languages. It took me more than two years. Two years, yes. To remember that. Wait a minute. You are intelligent. You can work. You enjoy working. The first two years were such a bumpy ride because I honestly forgot I could work and make money.

[Patty]

Yeah, well, because it's a muscle that you hadn't used. It's just like any other muscle. Your brain is a muscle. So if you think that overnight you're gonna think differently or overnight you're gonna be good at it. It's not gonna work. You have to just keep at it. You have to just keep telling yourself. And eventually you will start to believe it. And when you start to believe it, that's when you'll feel it.

[Kat]

That's what I. The part that I love when you remember. Cause I was called a stupid idiot and a million times worse things for 15 years. So of course you start believing I'm like a stupid idiot. I'm a dumb blonde. But when you remember who you are and you remember that, wait a minute, I can make money. I am good at this and that. And that. That is so empowering.

[Patty]

Absolutely. It's so empowering. And we think that we are somebody that we really aren't, because we've been told that, or that's what we think we are, or Our parents have told us, told us that I have ADHD and dyslexia. And I was told that I was stupid until the ninth grade. Literally, I thought that I was stupid. And it wasn't until ninth grade. My English teacher, Mr. Stodder, he saw something in me and he said, you know what? Next year you should be in AP English. I was like, me, I'm stupid. What are you talking? And I was just getting very mediocre grades, and I'm Persian. And in my culture, you're either a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or a disappointment. Right? Like that's it.

[Kat]

And I think your culture, many times, I don't know if it was the case in your family, but I have a lot of friends from Iran. Of course. I think many times they diminish women, like, what they're able and capable of doing.

[Patty]

Yes, absolutely. They diminish women and what they're capable of doing. They marry their women off. Even now, even today at the age of like 18 or 20. Oh, she should get married. She should do this, she should do that. And they don't give us time to develop. But it's when you. So I think I was telling about the story is when I went into AP English, I thought I was going to be the dummy in the room. I was so embarrassed. After a while, though, not right away. After a while, I was able to answer the questions that they weren't able to answer. Right. The smart kids. I started hanging out with the smart kids. I slowly started to believe I was just as good. And the second that I believed that, Cat, my entire life changed. I started to excel academically. I got great grades. I won all sorts of academic awards. And that's because of the mind shift. Same person, mind shift, different.

[Kat]

So I we somebody out there listening, like, oh, but you know, I'm not good at anything. Just this morning, some girl sent me a message. I want to be successful. I want to have a business. I don't have an education. I said to her, honestly, I. I mean, I know this is controversial, but I don't remember anything I learned in college that helped me.

[Patty]

Right. No, exactly. Me neither. Honestly, me neither.

[Kat]

It was a lot of hard work.

[Patty]

It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kat]

I was like, what? Everything I learned was from doing.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

From making mistakes and doing and getting hit on the right.

[Patty]

That's the way you learn.

[Kat]

That's how you learn.

[Patty]

That's how you learn. It doesn't matter how much schooling you go to, unless you are in the arena fighting and getting cut and getting Hit and getting back up. You don't learn success. You don't learn success from winning. You learn success from losing and from doing right. Patty, you gotta get in. You gotta get in the arena, man. You can't be watching from the outside. You gotta just get in. It's gonna be scary. Your heart's gonna pound out of your chest. It doesn't matter.

[Kat]

It. I love that. Now. So many things I want to.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Especially the book. But I. And I think you wrote that on the book and on your social media as well. A lot of women get married with prenups, which I personally think is a must do. It's just my opinion, because absolutely. Marriage is a contract.

[Patty]

It's a financial contract.

[Kat]

Yeah. I signed the prenup and I. And nowadays I would ask, can you. I don't want to get married again.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

But if I did, I would say, you know, let's do a print. What's mine. La la la la la. But you do mention something really important, and you even use Lisa Hogstein as an example. The housewife from. A lot of them sign the prenup. They're very young. Of course we're gonna love each other forever. Because when you're in love, you think it's gonna be forever and very likely won't. Yep. And they just sign it. And then, of course, one day, unfortunately. This episode of Canada is brought to you by Vintage. Have you ever opened your closet and thought, how did I end up with so many outfits I never wear? That was me. Recently, I realized I had so many beautiful pieces just hanging there that I hadn't worn in months or even longer. Instead of letting them just sit there taking up space, I started thinking, why not turn them into extra cash and give them a second life? And this is exactly why I decided to try Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people, people like you and me, to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. The best part is how simple it is. Listing an item takes just a few minutes. And once it sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So the entire process is incredibly easy. And also, there are no seller fees, which means you keep every dollar you earn. It honestly changed the way I think about shopping. Now I see so much more value in the close up. I buy because I know they can have a second life instead of just sitting there in my closet. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra cash, download the Vinted app for free. And start listing with no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US on Vinted. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted vintd. You might be surprised by how much you can earn. Burn let's be honest, everyone is talking about GLP weight loss medications right now. But what most people don't realize is that getting started can actually be incredibly simple. With breezemeds, you don't have to deal with clinics, waiting rooms, or the hassle of trying to get referrals. Everything is done online. You fill out a quick form and a licensed medical provider reviews your information to see if you qualify. That's what I love about Breezemed. It's simple, convenient and medically super supervised and it actually fits into your lifestyle. And if you prescribe medication, it ships straight to your door for free. There are no subscriptions, no lock ins and no hidden charges. And the best part? It takes less than five minutes to fill out the form and get started. So if you've been thinking about GLP1 weight loss medication but the whole process has felt overwhelming, this could be the easiest way to take that first step. Go to breezemeds.com fill out the form to see if you qualify and get 20% off your first order with my code CATONTHELOOSE. That's 20% off your first order. Just use code CAT on the loose at breezemads.com that's B R E E Z E meds.com no drama, no hassle, no waiting rooms. Just a simple way to get started. Breeze Meds it really is a breeze.

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[Patty]

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[Kat]

And the guy has a ton of money and they only have a tiny amount that they agree to sign on the prenup.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

So can you elaborate and explain to maybe somebody out there who is in love, who is thinking about how do you make sure the prenup is fair for you?

[Patty]

Right. So let me explain what someone like Lisa signed. Okay. So she signed a static prenup, which means they take into consideration what this man has at that particular time when you're getting married, what you have, what he has. And then you agree based on that. I'm going to get, let's say a million dollars if we were to divorce. Okay? So what women don't understand is then 25 years later, after you have helped him build his entire career, like Lisa was working in his office, put him on tv. Right. Do you know how big your business explodes after that? So she had a hand in growing his business and growing his entire profession. So then when they're going to divorce 20, whatever years later, and he was worth a million dollars before, now he's worth $400 million or whatever. You don't get the difference.

[Kat]

They don't care that you put your husband on. They don't care that you work cleaning.

[Patty]

No, they don't care. You have signed a prenup, and that is what dictates what happens. So in your prenup. And everyone should sign a prenup. This can't be a static prenup. The prenup has to grow when he grows. So there should be escalator clauses like as his net worth or income. So does what I get. If I have a child, I get more. If I have another child, I get more. After so many years, it expires. The prenup expires fully. Right? Because I've been here, I've built this with you. I deserve half. So the prenup has to grow as he grows. So anything in the prenup that doesn't grow is a red flag. And you need to make sure that the prenup is something that keeps growing and moving.

[Kat]

This is such important information. And I believe if you are in love with a guy and he's a lot richer than you and you're gonna do a prenup, and he doesn't agree with this, right? He's like, no, I think that's a red flag.

[Patty]

Oh, Huge red flag, right?

[Kat]

Absolutely. Especially, like, because I know here in California, I don't know the. Remember the laws in Florida, but I think there's a law in California, like, after 10 years, a marriage is considered long term.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

And there are a lot of guys, like just nine and a half months bail.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

They're like, I don't want to be the. I don't want to be around after the 10 years.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

And so I think these are things that as much as you're in love, you need to open your eyes before you jump into a marriage without making sure that you're both on the same page with all of that. Right?

[Patty]

Yes, absolutely. And I have a phrase that I use that says, get your 50. And get your 50 doesn't mean getting 50% of what he owns or getting 50. That means getting what you deserve in the marriage. Right. So you have to.

[Kat]

Getting what you deserve.

[Patty]

Getting what you deserve in the marriage. It necessarily doesn't have to be 50%. But don't be stupid. Marriage is a financial contract. Marriage is not a love contract. People don't understand this. It is a financial decision, and it is the biggest financial decision you will ever make in your life. And the number one reason marriages end is because of finances.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Patty]

People don't even talk about that.

[Kat]

This is the number one reason people get divorced. Binding. That's what I say. But I see so many young women, they're madly in love and they ignore or all of it. They just think about the dress and the party and the cake.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

But the truth is, you are jumping in one of the most serious decisions that can affect the rest of your life. And you don't want to be like, we're talking about Lisa, but there are a lot of housewives now. Right. I don't even like watching that show because I cringe and it breaks my heart. But there are so many of them that are going through divorce, they're losing all their assets. We find out they were living well above the. Which is also another huge no, no, by the way. Right? Yes.

[Patty]

Kim Zolciak. She almost went to jail for not paying $2,500. Just imagine, she didn't have $2,500.

[Kat]

What did she have to pay for?

[Patty]

She had to pay her Guardian@litem2500. Because that's a court of porn and guardian. And she wasn't paying. She almost went to jail. I mean, just imagine. And she was living in this mansion on tv, her wigs literally had their own zip code.

[Kat]

Wasn't her. She married to, like, some former football players.

[Patty]

She marri. She made. She married kroy, who was a. Who was a former football player, but

[Kat]

apparently he wasn't rich either. Right. Because they're on. He had.

[Patty]

He had enough money, but they were living beyond their means. She had a gambling problem.

[Kat]

Oh, really?

[Patty]

Yes. And it's all show and no go. That's the problem. People watch these housewives and they want to emulate them. They, oh, I want to have their bag. It's all show.

[Kat]

Well, very few of them. And it's funny because we live in Beverly hills. Yes. And so I like watching the beverly hills ones because we know them, but actually none of them lives in Beverly hills.

[Patty]

None of them live in Beverly hills.

[Kat]

I think the closest. There are two. Let's be fair. Kyle. Okay. They live in bel air, which we could see.

[Patty]

No, Kyle doesn't live in bel air anymore. She lives in valley now, but.

[Kat]

No, now. But when they were married.

[Patty]

When they were married, she lived in bel air.

[Kat]

So bel air is the closest you can say that. It's Beverly hills. And okay, her husband did become a gazillionaire. They did build a very successful business. Hopefully she's getting half of it.

[Patty]

She may not.

[Kat]

She claims. Half of it. Okay, she claims.

[Patty]

But here's the problem. Can I explain this?

[Kat]

Yes, please.

[Patty]

Okay. And this is another thing that women don't understand. So she hasn't filed for divorce. She hasn't filed for divorce. Right. So during this time of separation, not only are you on the hook for the assets, but you're also on the hook for the liabilities. Okay. For the debt. So during this time, he could be moving assets around. He could be spending that money. He could be taking on debt that she doesn't even know about because she's not involved with them anymore. Right? Yeah. He could be moving so much money around that. Okay, you're entitled to half. Half of what? You don't know. That's why it's important to file for divorce, because that's when the clock starts.

[Kat]

Well, we hope, right? We always hope. Especially in their case because it was such a long term marriage. They started from zero.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

And they build. We hope he's an honorable hope. Hope?

[Patty]

Hope is not a strategy, Kat. I know hope is not a strategy,

[Kat]

but it's good that we're mentioning that. The other one is even worse. Like dorit. They never lived in beverly hills. I think she's probably this one. I feel really, really bad because there's two little kids and it's getting nasty and ugly and dirty, and their house is foreclosing, and she's spending a million

[Patty]

dollars a year on luxury item. House is important. Right.

[Kat]

How do you do? Like, how. How can you be in Europe if your housing is in foreclosure?

[Patty]

It's still in foreclosure now. And she just got back from a luxury.

[Kat]

How can you do that?

[Patty]

It's horrible.

[Kat]

Like, explain it to me. I mean, I'm like, what?

[Patty]

And she's blaming her husband, which. Which is taking zero accountability. And that's another issue is that women really need to take accountability for their lives. It's not his problem. You need to be able to support yourself.

[Kat]

Yeah. So this is what I'm going to say. When I was broke. Smoke. And I have no shame in saying that because I didn't do anything wrong. I. Yeah. Everything got stolen from me. But that's one mistake I did not make. As much as I moved to Beverly Hills and I started my life here, I was, like, very humble in terms of not lying about my situation.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

I was doing odd jobs. I was dog walking. I was doordashing.

[Patty]

Hustles. Yeah.

[Kat]

Like you said. Because I was like, okay, I need cash.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Period. And I love to work. I don't care. So I would literally do doordash and put my business cards on the bag.

[Patty]

Amazing.

[Kat]

Like, hey, I have a podcast if you want to listen. And I did a business card of. I have a PR branding social media agency if you need anything. So I would be like, literally. It's not like I was making believe, you know, like, oh, I'm still rich.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

So I think that's key. Like, and I say upgrade. Yeah. I think you should be around people that are rich.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

That are wealthy. Wealthy. That are successful, that will potentially open doors for you. But I think there's a huge difference between doing that and being completely delusional.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

About your finance. That's, like, crazy.

[Patty]

That's crazy, right? That is literally crazy. Yes.

[Kat]

I mean, I don't even know what a judge said. Like, when you go in front of a judge.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

To separate your assets, whatever. I don't even know what a judge. Well say to this.

[Patty]

She's, you know, she's really shooting herself in the foot because she's trying to say that she didn't know about the foreclosure, but the loan is in her name. Trust me, if a loan is in your name, all the documents are coming to you. The mortgage, all the documents are coming to your house and your name they are calling you, they're sending you emails. You know, there's no way you don't know.

[Kat]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Take control. Right. That's one lesson that I learned, obviously. Like I said, I made this mistake, this, that I let my husband control everything because he was the rich one and I was stupid. I was young, I was naive. I was obviously. But I think you need to know, like you said, how much money you have in the bank. If you're taking a loan. It's your responsibility. Like be an adult.

[Patty]

Yeah. And don't just sign whatever your husband puts in front of you either. So many women, their husbands just put stuff in front of them and just sign. They have no idea what they're signing. That's how Teresa Giudice got in trouble.

[Kat]

Guilty.

[Patty]

Yeah, guilty. A lot of women are like that.

[Kat]

And I know same when people were trashing Erica. Erica.

[Patty]

Erica Jane.

[Kat]

Erica Jane, yes. She was married to that. We all thought Tom Hardy was one of the biggest kick ass attorneys in the United States. Turned out he was a big crook.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

But I'm telling you, when you're married to a powerful man, like my husband was a gazillionaire and he had offices in all 50 states. So they would show up with a pile like 10 million pages of tax returns extension, and they're like, sign.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

And I do, I'm defending her in that sense. Like, if you say no of it's either a beating or you eat what the. You know, so you're so scared, so you start signing. Luckily, in my case, my husband was not a crook.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

He was obsessed with being honest.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

But I know a lot of women get married to this powerful man and they're just signing because they're afraid of their reaction if they don't.

[Patty]

That's why Erica was on the hook for it, because she kept signing stuff and she was, she was signing again. Half the liabilities are yours too. Not just the assets, half the loans, half the debt, half of all of that.

[Kat]

So what would you say? Like, if somebody's married to a powerful guy, just don't say no. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable.

[Patty]

You don't sign it. You have a lawyer. Not his lawyer, not your lawyer, your own lawyer that has no affiliation with him. Review the documents and then if you feel comfortable, then you sign. You don't sign anything unless you are reviewing. Reviewed it and had a lawyer review it. I'm a lawyer too, and I still have my lawyer review my documents because he's an entertainment lawyer. He's different than what I was doing.

[Kat]

You know, I love that. And I know it takes the romance. Let's jump in a few things on the book because I'm telling you, I need you back.

[Patty]

Yeah, I'll come back.

[Kat]

Any part two and three. But it's one of the things you. You made a list, by the way. I want to say never date a broke dude. It's not just about not dating broke, broke, man. I want to ask about that, but it's. It has a lot of practical advice, which I love lists to do. No, no. And one of these things that I loved you, you actually talk about. Like, if you're thinking about marrying someone or you get engaged, ask certain questions.

[Patty]

Yes, the seven questions you should ask.

[Kat]

And I know a lot of women. Yeah, but this is so unromantic. Yeah, but they're so crucial, right?

[Patty]

Yes, absolutely. You have to know. Know the partner that you're marrying and their financial habits. Okay. Yeah. So you have to know. And it's not verbatim, but these are the things you need to know. What are their financial habits? Are they a saver? Are they a spender? Do they blow their paycheck the second they get it Right?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

What are their financial goals? Okay, so your financial goal is, I want to buy a house, I want to invest. His financial goals, maybe. No, I want to live in an apartment and spend that money travel, traveling. Those things don't match. Right. You need to know, okay, when we have kids, how are we going to support the kids? Are they going to work? Are we going to pay for their college? Are they going to get an allowance? Who do we have to support besides us? This is something people don't think about. Your husband may be thinking, I'm going to support my mom and my aunt. And you're like, oh, no, I've never heard of this.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

So these are the questions. You have to know their credit score. Score. Because without a good credit score, you can't even rent an apartment.

[Kat]

Okay, but like, how. So you. Let's say you're dating, right? I always say don't rush into. I don't know why so many women are rush. I know, like, they meet a dude, two, three months, they're like, oh, my God, I don't think three months is enough to get.

[Patty]

Take three months. Oh, my God. No.

[Kat]

There are a lot of women that do that.

[Patty]

You're right. Absolutely.

[Kat]

Like, are you freaking kidding me? Three months? No, go on vacation, do that. Take your time. Take your time. But if you want to Marry someone. How do you approach? Like, I'm sorry, but I want to see your credit score. Yeah.

[Patty]

So.

[Kat]

So how much money do you have in the bank?

[Patty]

So, yeah, so what you do is you don't have that conversation right away. You have that conversation when you think that, okay, this is getting serious. Right? This is getting serious. So the way that you have that conversation is. Is making it seem like. And it is. That it's also their benefit. You say, listen, I feel like this is getting serious. Money is one of the most important decisions in a marriage, and we need to make sure. Sure that we have the same financial goals, that our financial goals align and our thinking about money aligns. So I think it's really important for us to sit down and just go through these questions. I have the questions in the book. These are the questions you ask and see if you match financially. If you don't, your marriage will not survive. Yeah.

[Kat]

You can't put it on the dirt. And I think if someone does not want to have these conversations with you, major red, huge red flag. If a guy's like, oh, what do you mean?

[Patty]

You know, red flag.

[Kat]

I think you have a problem. And I know when we are in love, I say women, because women, we want. It's nice to be in love. Right? We love love. And you're infatuated. And men usually are more controlling. But you need to put the love on a different box. You can't mix it up with your finance.

[Patty]

No, no. Oh, my gosh. You can't. Those are two very different things. And guess what? Love fades. Finances are forever, period. So you have to make sure that you know what you're getting into. Let me tell you, one of my friends, she asked these questions, okay, from the person that she thought she was going to marry, and she found out that they were on completely different pages and that he wanted to support his mom for the rest of his life and have his mom live with them. She wouldn't have known unless she asked.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

And that was a deal breaker for her. And they didn't get married.

[Kat]

You have to have this con, this really important conversation about lifestyle and. And the opposite as well. Right. Because sometimes the woman has money.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

And the guy maybe has money or less money. We see a lot of women getting in trouble.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

In that way. A famous example is Denise Richards, right? She married this loser.

[Patty]

Yeah. Complete loser. Oh, my God. Complete loser.

[Kat]

I don't even know his name. Get. I'm like, get a job.

[Patty]

This guy.

[Kat]

Ever hear of a job?

[Patty]

Right, Right.

[Kat]

He's like, I want to get her money from only and I want. But I think that's a good example. If you're the woman and you have money, you have every right in the world to protect your money, Right?

[Patty]

Yes. And a man, just like a man has a right to protect his money. You have the right to protect your money. And so many these dusty dudes get in my comments.

[Kat]

Dusty dudes, aren't they?

[Patty]

Do they get my comments? And they're like, never date a broke woman either. I'm like, yeah, don't date a broke. If you're fine, don't.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

The difference is that men lead with their money to get women. Women. That's the difference. Men will throw money at a woman knowing that the only reason she likes him is because of the lifestyle he's going to provide. And he's okay with that. Yeah. Women aren't like that. We really. If a woman has money, she has to make sure that he loves her for her. We're not like, oh, I'm just going to buy you.

[Kat]

Buy you, Buy you some women try that. But I think it's a really bad idea.

[Patty]

It's not terrible idea.

[Kat]

But talking about the broke dude, I love that title. I think if you are broke man or woman, maybe you should pause on dating relationships to begin with. Right?

[Patty]

Absolutely. You should not be dating anyone if you're broke. You cannot be. Because broke is not just financially, it's mentally. Yes. If you don't have money, you're not financially nor mentally in a place. Agree to be able to be the best version of yourself for a partner.

[Kat]

I completely agree.

[Patty]

Period. And it's not again, it's not about money. It's about you being a version of yourself that is ready for a partnership. Yeah.

[Kat]

And it's interesting because every time I do this post about I think men should pay for dates, for example. Right. And it has nothing to do with money.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

It's because how women like to be treated and how men should treat a woman.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Same the guys that slide on my dm. Oh, you're crazy. Fuck you. I'm not gonna pay for dinner. They want a plate of pizza. If you go, look, who is this guy? It's always a guy that is broke. Like you say that I always dude the guy that is financially frustrated or like basically a loser.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

You're not gonna see a super successful man. Right. Well accomplished. Say, oh, you know, I'm not gonna take her to dinner because it's an extra 50 bucks.

[Patty]

It's so stupid. The only men that are mad about that are men that are broke. The only men that hate my book are broke men.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Patty]

The men that are successful, they love this book. They buy it for their sisters, for their daughters. They're like, yeah, of course you shouldn't date a broke dude. And. And again, broke is a mentality. For example, I have dated men that make less money than I do. However. However, they're not cheap. You know what I'm saying?

[Kat]

That's a big difference.

[Patty]

Yeah, there's a big difference. Yeah. Yeah, there's a big difference. They're not cheap. So, yeah, they will. They will carry their end and they will do it well, may there. And I don't. You know, for me, after a while, I. I don't mind pitching in and I don't mind paying for dinners. I don't mind. I don't mind doing that because we're in a partnership. Right.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

That's just me personally. But I can't be with a guy who thinks I should pay all the time because I have all the money.

[Kat]

I think. Well, but I think there's a big difference between a guy that makes less than you.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

And a guy that is totally loser. A loser. I made that mistake because like I said, once my. My husband died, I was so broke. Broke.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Broke financially, but mentally.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

I was abused. I was in a complete, like, messed up state. I end up getting in the hands of somebody much worse than my.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

It was someone I knew since childhood.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

It was someone I trusted blind.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And he took full advantage of it. He was a con artist. He was broke. He didn't have a job. He didn't have money. He was buying over a thousand dollars in drugs a week with my money. Wow. Yes. I started talking about that. Yeah. And I. And I was being supportive of it

[Patty]

because you want to be the ride or die.

[Kat]

I don't even did drugs. I don't even like the smell of pot. And I was buying a thousand dollar one thousand two hundred worth of pot for this guy.

[Patty]

I was doing the same thing with my broke dude. Right. He was sitting on the sofa eating cheetos all day. And I'm working, I'm supporting. Yeah. Both of us. And the reason that I realized, Kat, the reason that I was doing that is because I had such little self esteem that I was so afraid that if I asked him to chip in for a light bill that he would leave.

[Kat]

Honestly, same.

[Patty]

I'm like, I don't want him to leave. I just want a warm body Next to me. Please don't leave. I will pay for everything. And that's because I didn't have enough self esteem.

[Kat]

Same. Isn't it crazy? That's what I'm saying. When you are not well, like now I look back and I'm like, what the hell was I thinking? Like, letting this fat slob, ugly dude smoking pot. Like there was always like a cloud. Pot, coke, disgusting. Everything that I don't like, like with my money. But it's like we, we make these mistakes when you are mentally not unwell. Right?

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

So if the. If you're. If that's you, I would say pause everything.

[Patty]

Everything.

[Kat]

Pause.

[Patty]

Get your shit together like we did. Yes. Get your shit together. Yes. Like we did. Yeah.

[Kat]

And then you think about dating again. But why? Like, just give me the thought process when you started writing the book. Because I love the title. Never a broke dude. Yeah, because a lot of women are there. Oh, but he's so nice. He takes care of my dog.

[Patty]

He's like, no, it's like niceness. Let me tell you, all that stuff fades once the love goggles fade. You will be so turned off by this guy. Your dick will go limp every time you look at him. Because you'll be so turned off because he is not doing anything. And broke in the book is not about money. I say the definition. It's someone that doesn't meet your same standards of ambition. Ambition, work ethic, drive, or commitment. Right. It doesn't have to do with money. I know plenty of rich men that are broke. Plenty of rich men.

[Kat]

Oh, my God.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Patty]

Right. And I know plenty of men that don't have a lot of money that aren't broke.

[Kat]

It's so important that you're saying that because of course, when somebody reads the title, yes, it does include broke in the sense of, like you said, the guy you dated. The guy I dated. If you think about dating a guy that's sitting around drinking beer all day, think again.

[Patty]

Right, Exactly.

[Kat]

Anybody deserves to do better.

[Patty]

Absolutely.

[Kat]

But if the guy's broke mentally, he's gonna mess up with your life.

[Patty]

My broke dude broke up with me. I mean, could you imagine? Could you imagine? He broke up with me. And by the way, fun fact, like three months ago, he wanted to get back together.

[Kat]

Oh, my God, he had. Three months ago? Yes.

[Patty]

He went to one of our mutual friends. It was like. And I broke up with him over 25 years ago.

[Kat]

25. Well, now he sees your success and everything like, oh, my God, mine, Mine did a little worse than Breaking up with me.

[Patty]

He.

[Kat]

He flew back down to Brazil where he was from, and stole about 100k out of my. Oh, my God. I was stupid enough that I put his name in my account.

[Patty]

Oh, my God.

[Kat]

He literally took close to 100, like, nine and something. $100,000 crazy. And. And yes. My money.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Like the last of the last crazy. Yes.

[Patty]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it just. And then just take a piece of your soul. Actually, the most money's the, you know, they just take a piece of your soul. Money you can make back. But that. You know what that did to me. Yeah. Not good.

[Kat]

But somebody in that similar situation that we were. How do you break the spell? How do you like? Okay. Because I would say, girls, read a book. It's really, really good, and it's packed with practical information. I'm practical. I like, like, okay, how can we help?

[Patty]

Yeah, it's all. All about steps.

[Kat]

Because people see us today and always say, I did not build this life overnight. It took me many years, many years to get to this point. And I'm sure same with you, right?

[Patty]

I grew up with no money. No money.

[Kat]

And you talk a lot about that on the book, which is really beautiful. You grew up no money. You were in this messed up relationship. So it is not overnight, but maybe somebody out there that desperately needs help or needs to wake up or get rid of their slobber. Can you give them, like, one practical baby step?

[Patty]

Yeah. I think that the most important thing you can do if you're with someone is ask the question that I just said is, does this person meet my ambition, meet my drive, my commitment, or my work ethic? Right? Yeah. That's the key. Because maybe he doesn't have a lot of money now, but he's in med school, right? So that's a different difference. If someone does not meet your ambition, you need to. You need to just figure that out immediately. Because if you don't trust me, I promise you this relationship will not last. Because, A, not only are you going to get tired of them, because they may think, I love this guy. I'm never going to get tired of him. Guess what? He will. He. He will start resenting you. Yeah. Okay. And he would want to sabotage you. And then you're going to try to be smaller to make himself feel better about him. And it is a vicious circ. And one day you're going to wake up, you're not even going to know who you are. Yes.

[Kat]

So true. You need a part. Especially women that work like us. I think you need and deserve a partner that is very supportive of everything that you do. Because the guy that's going, and I've dated those too. Like they tell you, oh, my God, it's great that you're making money, that you're successful, but after a few weeks, they're jealous. Oh, she's more successful than me. So you kind of. Like you said, you need a partner who is up to par with human mentally.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

Not just the wallet.

[Patty]

No, no, no, no. It's not. It has very little to do with wallet. It's mentally up to par with your standard of life. If you feel like you always have to make yourself smaller, not brag about yourself, that is a recipe for disaster.

[Kat]

Yes, the book is available. I got mine on Amazon. You guys can get it on Amazon. Before I let you go, I have to say I found you on Instagram and I love the name of your handle, Duchess of Decorum. Guys, I'm putting the link here on the audio on the video episode, but I have to say, because most people don't even know what the car means, and most people nowadays don't have it any whatsoever. So when I found, I'm like, okay, I love this chick already. She's right up my alley. How'd you come up with that?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Well.

[Patty]

Well, this is how it started is I give a lot of practical advice. You know, like, everything that I do, you have to learn from it. Right?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

So I was teaching people how to act. So it wasn't just like. And it was at first, it was also acting like in public because this was during COVID and people were like going back to the office and flip flops and didn't know how to dress, didn't know how to act. So I was teaching people actually how to act, how to sit at a dinner table, how to hold a fork. So it was all around decorum.

[Kat]

Much needed information. Much needed.

[Patty]

Yes, much needed. And decorum around money, too. And money has always been my thing because I'm in finance and, you know, so that's always been my passion. But that's kind of like how the name.

[Kat]

I love that because same I. I do a few videos about it because I believe the better you look, and I'm not talking about perfection, but I think we are our own business card. So I always say that's one thing that helped me when I was starting my journey. Like, I would literally cry in private and I would put my Louboutons. I'm not freaking kidding. And I would get my. My Birkin like the one that lasted me and I would walk around Beverly Hills like I was already this kick ass business.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

And it opens doors. Right?

[Patty]

You have to dress for the job you want.

[Kat]

Yes. And people get mad. Like, what do you mean?

[Patty]

Like.

[Kat]

No, but if you take good care of yourself, like you said. Yes. You dress appropriate to where you're going to go. And you, you, for the love of God, like, basic manners. Right?

[Patty]

Basic manners. Know how to eat. Don't start without everybody.

[Kat]

You need to do more videos of those.

[Patty]

Oh, yeah, I've done so many of those. Yeah.

[Kat]

We were talking about the housewives. Right. I'm not gonna name names, but these women, they're like, I'm so rich and I have a market. And then I see their manners on tv. The way they hold the glass, the wine glasses and the way they eat. Yeah. And I'm just cring. I'm like, okay, you girls need to like, take a step back that.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Like, right.

[Patty]

You need etiquette classes for sure.

[Kat]

Because having money does not mean, like,

[Patty]

money does not buy class.

[Kat]

No, it just doesn't.

[Patty]

And we know, we live in Beverly Hills. Right.

[Kat]

But I think it's so important and, and I just love it. So if you guys don't know her Instagram, go check it out. Because your videos are. And I mean, like you said, you're just trying to help people improve their game.

[Patty]

That's it. Listen, I. I have a thing. I do not put out one video. Video. One piece of content that doesn't teach somebody something.

[Kat]

Love it.

[Patty]

Not one. Yeah, it's not about fun. It is about teaching and helping women improve their lives. And believe me, I have plenty of male followers too. They love it too, because I give practical finances.

[Kat]

Yeah. That's what I would say. If you are a broke dude in your wallet or mentally, don't be like on the defense. Read the book. Figure out how can I improve my life. How can I be not broke? Learn how to treat women properly. Learn how to be a gentleman. And your life immediately is going to improve.

[Patty]

Yes. Yes. And you always have to be about improvement. Just like you are. Even me, like, there's never a time where I think I can't learn, I can't get better. You always have to want to improve your life.

[Kat]

Million percent. That's why I knew I was going to love you in person. Because I loved your work. My videos, everything I do, including the show, is to share. Because if we can do better and if we can make more women out there.

[Patty]

Yes.

[Kat]

Financially, independently, independent, in Control of their love life, of their. Their finance, their bank account. I feel like we're doing our job.

[Patty]

Yes, exactly. And this is why I love what you do, too. Because everything that you do so many times during this podcast, you're like, well, how can someone do this? Because you want practical advice for someone to take back. So it's not just listening to a podcast. It's not just listening to a video. It's learning something that can help your life.

[Kat]

Yes. Thank you so much. I know we're gonna get 10 million questions, so I'll definitely invite you back. I would love to. We need to do an entire episode about the karam.

[Patty]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Like, I'm not kidding you. I would love that. Because I think it improves people's lives if you learn how, like, the smallest things. Etiquette. Because I. I really believe this is, like, a dying art.

[Patty]

Oh, it is. And people don't know. There's a way to eat bread and butter. There's a proper way to eat soup.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Patty]

And those are the videos.

[Kat]

Hold a glass.

[Patty]

Hold.

[Kat]

Were joking. Behave like a proper adult. Like, you don't have to behave like royalty. Of course.

[Patty]

Right.

[Kat]

But I think this is such a. An important subject. I want to go into that. Thank you so much, Patty. Guys, be safe out there. Girls, women, go take care of your finances.

[Patty]

Yes, absolutely.

[Kat]

Don't mix that up with love so you don't get in trouble. Love face.

[Patty]

Money is forever.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I love you. Be safe out there. Thank you so much. This was amazing.

[Patty]

Amazing.

[Kat]

Yeah.

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[Kat]

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Patty]

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Kat]

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[Kat]

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