RESET YOUR BRAIN RESET YOUR LIFE WITH BIZZIE GOLD

Summary

---

Kat on the Loose – "RESET YOUR BRAIN RESET YOUR LIFE WITH BIZZIE GOLD"

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Bizzie Gold
Date: July 9, 2025

---

Overview

In this deeply engaging episode, Kat Zammuto sits down with Bizzie Gold, a self-described mental health innovator and author of "Your Brain is a Filthy Liar." Together, they unpack the idea that everyone is impacted by self-deception, and that through new paradigms like brain pattern mapping and emotional repatterning, people can rewire their brains for better relationships, careers, and overall fulfillment. Bizzie offers a frank, data-driven alternative to classic mental health approaches, sharing insights on self-sabotage, relationship dynamics, and practical strategies for personal transformation.

---

Main Themes & Takeaways

• Self-Deception & Mental Health: Everyone possesses a unique flavor of self-deception that influences their perception, actions, and relationships.
• Innovating Outside the System: Existing mental health paradigms are limited by academic dogma; Bizzie’s approach is to operate outside these established systems.
• Brain Pattern Mapping: A pioneering tool that helps individuals understand their specific perception filters, emotional addictions, and behavioral cycles.
• Radical Honesty in Relationships: The importance of self-awareness and authenticity over agreeable façades (“the bait and switch”) to build trust and avoid future resentment.
• Dynamic Gender & Power Roles: How “masculine presenting” behaviors influence relationship dynamics, and practical advice for balancing independence with vulnerability.
• Fixing Your Patterns: True change requires willingness—no system can help the unwilling. But facing uncomfortable truths can kickstart genuine transformation.

---

Key Discussion Points

The Brain Is a Filthy Liar—Where That Comes From (03:08)

• Bizzie Gold origins: Explains her early realization (inspired by Fight Club) that people’s perceptions are fundamentally flawed and self-deceptive, shaped by her mother’s mental illness.

  "This was the first moment where I realized that she may actually have no idea that she is as mentally ill as she actually was." (03:37, Bizzie Gold)

• Empathy and the search for solutions: Her work is rooted in understanding and dismantling self-deception as the root of mental illness.

What Is a Mental Health Innovator? (05:05)

• Outside the academic funnel: She operates independently of traditional academic or medical frameworks—intentionally developing new tools and theories not built on “pre-approved building blocks.”

  “Your innovation is restricted to being built on the pre approved foundational building blocks… You end up having very slight pivots or shifts.” (05:11, Bizzie Gold)

• Goal: To move beyond crisis management and resolve the persistent global mental health crisis.

Is Everyone’s Brain “Lying” to Them? Does Everyone Need Help? (06:53)

• Universal patterns: Every person has unique patterns of self-deception—even high-functioning, successful people.

  “Not one person on planet Earth is perfect. So I do think that every single person on planet Earth has something to gain from this book.” (06:56, Bizzie Gold)

• Self-deception types: Bizzie distinguishes between positive (minimizing risk, maximizing reward) and negative (the opposite) self-deception patterns and how they can both help and hinder different areas of life.

  “Even something that seems inherently positive can still be a trigger for a negative cycle in a different facet of your life.” (11:18, Bizzie Gold)

• Highs, lows, and normalization: Many people don’t recognize how their mental habits (negative self-talk, mood swings) have been culturally normalized, yet continue to limit them.

Relationship Dynamics: Masculine Patterns, Power Struggles, and the “Cool Girl” (12:49)

• Chase and commitment: Why “cool girl” energy attracts men in the early stages but can lead to power struggles post-commitment.

  “The cool girl… is typically in early stages, more free spirited, go with the flow… The only problem is this woman is not going to be easily dominated because that's not who she fundamentally is.” (13:46, Bizzie Gold)

• Masculine presenting women and triggers: Such women often possess confidence and independence mistaken for masculinity, which can challenge or threaten partners once the relationship is secure.

  “From a sociological perspective, they're both behaving like a man, essentially. Which is why when commitment is actually anchored, suddenly the man's expecting… she's going to become submissive or demure… But those parameters are really not gonna change.” (15:35, Bizzie Gold)

Practical Relationship Advice for Powerful, Independent Women (17:26)

• Strategies for connection: Even hyper-independent women can build trust and vulnerability by asking for help and occasionally stepping into “traditional” roles.

  “Your partner just wants to feel included… the best healing step you can do as the tough girl is to actually practice putting yourself out there so that your husband or your partner has a chance to show up for you and feel like they're the man.” (19:30, Bizzie Gold)

• Anecdote: Bizzie shares a personal story about inadvertently robbing her husband of an opportunity to help because of her independent streak, illustrating how letting partners participate can strengthen bonds.

Honesty vs. the “Bait and Switch” in Dating (22:33)

• Agreeableness in early stages: Many people fake alignment or interests early in relationships; this leads to trust issues down the line when their real selves emerge.

  “Eventually you're going to either have to out yourself, admit that you lied, or you're going to have to suppress it forever and just really get good at loving to go in the side by side with your partner…” (23:36, Bizzie Gold)

• A better way: She recommends open honesty with room for compromise—don’t pretend to love what you don’t, but be willing to try for your partner.

  “At least that way you get to again build this sort of bonding mechanism in the truth, which I think is far better…” (24:50, Bizzie Gold)

• Kat’s stance: Agrees with Bizzie, pushing back on relationship “marketing”—advocates for raw authenticity from the start.

Do Opposites Attract? “Symbiotic Dysfunction” and the Pac-Man of Doom (27:16)

• Opposites and triggers: Bizzie suggests it’s less about surface differences and more that people pair up to trigger each other’s patterns—what she calls “symbiotic dysfunction.”

  “Typically two patterns are attracted to each other because their responses to each other are also each other's trigger. So it creates this… Pac man of doom.” (27:29, Bizzie Gold)

• The role of polarity: A certain amount of difference—on the “brain pattern spectrum”—creates the “spark” that people associate with chemistry, even if it rides the edge of toxicity.

Brain Pattern Mapping: What, How, and Why (30:37)

• What it is: An online diagnostic (breakmethod.com) developed by Bizzie, mapping nine markers of a person’s perception, emotion, and behavior—using concrete, historical data points (“How many siblings did you have? Where were you in the lineup?”).

  “It accurately predicts patterns of thought, behavior, and decision making with 98.3% accuracy… It’s a very exposing experience.” (30:46, Bizzie Gold)

• Process: Fill out the data online, then consult with a strategist to unpack your results and understand your unique “lens prescription.”

What Happens After Mapping? Repatterning with Break Method (34:41)

• The solution: Bizzie’s “Break Method” offers a practical suite of video lectures, one-on-ones, and diagnostics over about 20 weeks, enabling people to rewire self-defeating patterns.

  “All we're doing is highlighting these areas of where we need to do something called pattern opposition… so that you can come back to center, have… more collaboration, more empathy… more success, more productivity, and more, of course, inner peace.” (35:05/36:09, Bizzie Gold)

• Book resource: The book doubles as a “cheat sheet”—with sections guiding readers through their likely self-deceptive tendencies and “rebellion zones” (strategic actions to shift their patterns).

Will This Work for Everyone? What About Narcissists and Skeptics? (37:24)

• Change requires willingness: The tools are only as effective as the participant’s openness—those deeply in denial or unwilling to see their patterns won’t benefit from the process.
• A common dynamic: Many people labeled as narcissists arrive blaming others but are confronted with their own patterns through mapping.

  “Very frequently the person that you've just described, they come to me very convinced that somebody else is the problem… when we do brain pattern mapping, they unfortunately have to face the truth that they are actually very much involved in the cycle as well.” (38:11, Bizzie Gold)

• Cultural/familial roots: Bizzie points out certain upbringings foster narcissistic tendencies, especially when boys are overly privileged in family hierarchies.

Resources & Final Thoughts (41:02)

• Where to find the book: Search “Your Brain is a Filthy Liar” by Bizzie Gold on Amazon or any major retailer.
• Brain mapping link: Found in chapter 8 of the book, or via breakmethod.com.
• Kat’s endorsement: Encourages all listeners to try brain mapping for better self-understanding.

---

Notable Quotes

• “I do think that human beings are fundamentally capable of turning down the volume on negative self talk and mental chatter. I don't think we're meant to live that way.” (08:41, Bizzie Gold)
• “Do you really want to manipulate somebody into liking you? Because eventually you're going to have to continue that manipulation because you've got them bonded and attached to something that's not real.” (26:14, Bizzie Gold)
• “Fundamentally, self deception is the root of mental illness.” (04:43, Bizzie Gold)

---

Timestamps of Major Segments

| Time | Segment/Topic | |----------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:48 | Kat welcomes Bizzie and introduces her book | | 03:08 | Origin of the “filthy liar” metaphor, self-deception | | 05:05 | What’s a mental health innovator? | | 06:53 | Is everyone’s brain deceptive? | | 09:55 | Positive vs negative self-deception | | 12:49 | Relationship dynamics: the “cool girl,” power struggles | | 17:26 | Practical steps for independent women in relationships | | 22:33 | The perils of “agreeableness” and early relationship truth | | 27:16 | Do opposites attract? “Symbiotic dysfunction” | | 30:37 | Brain pattern mapping & how it works | | 34:41 | How Break Method rewires brain patterns | | 37:24 | Readiness for change, narcissism, and accountability | | 41:02 | Where to find more about Bizzie’s work |

---

Memorable Moments

• Bizzie’s Fight Club epiphany: How a film made her see her mother—and self-deception—differently. (03:08-04:43)
• The “Pac Man of doom” analogy: Describing how couples’ opposing patterns endlessly trigger each other. (27:48)
• Personal anecdote about peptide injections: Bizzie humorously admits her hyper-independence leads her to “jump the gun,” depriving her husband of the satisfaction of helping—a practical lesson in vulnerability. (18:20-19:50)

---

Tone and Language

The conversation is frank, intelligent, and laced with a mix of resilience and practical optimism. Both Kat and Bizzie use accessible but incisive language, gently challenging cultural norms and taboos around relationships, empowerment, and emotional healing.

---

This episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about why they think and act as they do, especially in relationships, and who’s ready to take on the “filthy liars” inside their own mind.

Transcript

[Mrs. Claus's Younger Sister]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Busy Gold]

Santa.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Elf Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches. I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus's Younger Sister]

Of course he did.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?

[Mrs. Claus's Younger Sister]

I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give.

[Elf Drew Ski]

It as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus's Younger Sister]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier accounts. Financing agreement 256 gigs, $830 eligible board in a new line, $100 plus a month plan without our PayPal taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Visit t mobile.com can we actually rewire and train our brains in order to have better relationships and better lives? My guest today, Busy Gold, says yes, absolutely we can. And this can be our superpower. Her latest book, your Brain is a Filthy Liar, is a fascinating read. I hope you guys enjoy my great conversation with a brilliant busy.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

But first, let's talk about something so.

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Important to a lot of us, the quality of our sleep.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

And I know the topic of sleep.

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Divorce has been all over the media lately.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

When couples who still love each other decide to sleep in separate bedrooms because they cannot agree in the conditions of the sleep in their own bedroom. I met this incredible couple, the J and James, who loved to fall asleep snuggled under the same blanket. But DJ was going through perimenopause and she was always waking up feeling super hot in the middle of the night. So one morning she woke up and she was like, what if our comforter had windows? And they created the most incredible luxury brand of comforters called Sleeping Dove with naturally cooling windows that you can open or close depending on the temperature needs so everyone can sleep well together. Even single people such as myself that sleep with my pets sometimes they make me feel super hot because they're all over me in the middle of the night. I just flap my window open and that's it. I invite you guys to check it out. The quality is absolutely incredible. Sleeping Dove. It's much more than a product. It's a love story, a wellness tool, and a reminder that comfort should feel both beautiful, personal and shared. Sleeping dove.com and on Instagram. Sleeping Dove Home busy. Welcome to Cat on the Loose. It's a pleasure having you here.

[Busy Gold]

Thank you for having me.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

As I was telling you, I started reading your book last night. It's fascinating. So I wanna. That's the first question because the title.

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Is so, so, so powerful. Your brain is a filthy liar.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So many questions about that. But can you tell me a little bit of the background? How did you come up with that?

[Busy Gold]

The premise of the book is that we all have a very unique flavor of self deception that causes us to act out certain self sabotage behaviors, relationship conflict. This is ultimately why many of us have to feel pain, for us to be able to reflect and try to figure out what happened. When I was about 13 years old and this is in the very beginning of the book, so no doubt you read this part in the forward. I was watching the movie Fight Club and as the last scene was taking place and all the buildings were exploding, and you have the epiphany that the two characters that you thought were different, the whole movie, are actually one person. It was a complete paradigm shift for me. And having grown up with a mom with mental illness who struggled with borderline personality disorder, I think up until this point, all of her distorted perception of reality that always seemed to be conflicting with my perception of events just kind of felt like one big long cruel joke. And this was the first moment where I realized that she may actually have no idea that she is as mentally ill as she actually was. So I actually found empathy for her in that moment, but also felt this challenge or journey, if you will, to participate on, which is how is it possible that somebody could be in such deep self deception that they wouldn't know it? How is it that someone's perception of an event could be so starkly contrast to the person next to them that they could never agree, no matter how many conversations that they have? What is the mechanism and how do we actually teach people to observe it and dismantle it? Because I do believe fundamentally self deception is the root of mental illness.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. So a lot of questions and I want to ask you practically, how do we do that? But first, for people that don't really Understand your work or maybe don't know you. You call yourself a mental health innovator, so what does that mean? Like, for somebody who doesn't really understand anything about the subject.

[Busy Gold]

A mental health innovator to me means that you are operating outside of an existing paradigm, trying to help bring about a solution that didn't come through the traditional funnel. People don't really realize that academia often functions like a funnel. Right? You come in, you get trained in these building blocks, and then essentially as you're innovating, I'm going to put in air quotes if somebody's listening to this. Your innovation is restricted to being built on the pre approved foundational building blocks. So what you end up having are very slight pivots or shifts. But very rarely do you see an entire predominating theory actually crumble with something brand new come up in its place, because the system's really built to protect itself from that. I would call myself a mental health innovator because I'm not trying to come through the existing paradigm by using pre validated building blocks. I've done something entirely different that's outside of the system. So ultimately, I think we're all trying to solve the same problem, which is why is humanity in such a perpetual mental health crisis? What are the root causes? Why are the current approaches not successful?

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Why?

[Busy Gold]

Why does it continue to get worse rather than better? And those are all questions that have led me on my journey to develop a more data driven tech approach to actually solve the mental health crisis.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So let's be practical here. Let's say somebody out there is listening and they're like, wow. But I don't think my brain is a filthy liar. I think I'm fine. I think my mental health is just fine. What is this girl talking about? How do we figure out, like, do I need help or I'm good? Do you think everybody can benefit from this? Do you think anybody in a way needs help to rewire their brain?

[Busy Gold]

I think every single person struggles with that unique pattern of self deception and others cover it better, others mask it better. Some people have very successful outcomes, but if they're really honest with themselves when they're laying their head down on the pillow at night, there are still issues that we all know we have. Not one person on planet Earth is perfect. So I do think that every single person on planet Earth has something to gain from this book or whether it's actually doing brain pattern mapping to understand what your unique brain pattern type is. Because, for example, my brain pattern type has me Skew things typically very positively. I'm a very optimistic person. One of my self deceptive tendencies is a positive self deception where I truly believe I can figure out anything. And the reality is I often do and I am successful because of that. But it has to come at a cost. There has to be something else that I'm borrowing from in pursuit of always figuring it out. And for somebody like me, that tends to be, I lack self preservation. I will do for others before I do for myself. I could burn myself out and continue to serve other people, but eventually I may have some sort of chronic illness pop up. Autoimmune disease. Right. So whether that or even things like weight gain where it's like you can't prioritize yourself and your personal health. So I think the big lesson here is that no matter how positive or negative you perceive the quality of your life to be, when we understand how our brain skews our perception of reality and then starts to excuse and justify our habits and our repetitive behaviors, we can crack the code on even some of these smaller things that we may feel are annoyances or perhaps just the way our family does things, or we just kind of excuse them and sweep them under the rug. Because I do think that every single person has the ability to truly learn to see behind the curtain and come to a completely healed state where life is experienced with peace and neutrality. And we're not in these high highs and low lows. We're not constantly chasing dopamine. We're not constantly trying to reregulate ourselves after a period of moodiness. I do think that human beings are fundamentally capable of turning down the volume on negative self talk and mental chatter. I don't think we're meant to live that way. And so many people have normalized these qualities that I don't think people realize how unwell they are simply because it's been normalized in our culture for so long.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Yeah, no, totally. And I'm exactly like you. Like, I have this tendency because I, believe me, I've been through hell and high water. I had my share of tragedy and issues in my life. That's how the podcast started. So nowadays I'm insanely positive. I'm always thinking about positive outcomes, but it works in my favor because my life, like you said, that's what made me successful, that's what made me rebuild my life, that's what makes all my projects take off. And people always say that about me. Like, I love your energy, I love your energy. I don't like saying Negative things out loud. So in that sense is that self deception or it's like the reality that I figure out works for me.

[Busy Gold]

So there are two types of self deception. One is positive self deception, the other is negative. All this means if you break down the definition is that positive self deception, your brain will highlight the reward and minimize the risk. And then with negative self perception, the opposite is true. It focuses on the risk and it minimizes the reward. So think of this like an aperture on a camera where it's or the there's less or more light coming in. Sometimes we're more focused again on the positive and this can have a positive outcome, right? Like you're finding positive outcomes from it. There are certainly ways that I've experienced positive outcomes from it, but, but here's an example. Take your pattern now and put it into an intimate relationship context. If I'm kind of always trying to be solutions focused and always look on the bright side. If somebody is in a conflict with me in an intimate relationship setting, this might be a huge trigger for them because they might just want to express themselves and they don't want me to solve their problem. They don't want me to look on the right side. They want me to kind of get on board with them and be like I'm sorry you're hurting or kind of like jump into their venting with them. So I think the big picture here is even something that seems inherently positive can still be a trigger for a negative cycle in a different facet of your life. So another way to look at this would be many of the qualities that served me immensely in my career and my relationship with myself are in fact the biggest triggers in my marriage. And this is gonna be true for most people. Some qualities don't translate well to the intimate relationship setting. So ultimately when you learn how to see behind that self deceptive tendency and you learn to break apart some of those formul we become more adaptable and we have more range and we understand how we need to meet people halfway. That may be slightly different than what our brain wants us to do because we do get trapped in these repetitive cycles even if they're positive.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Since you started talking about relationships, I want to ask about this video that I saw on your Instagram that I really liked. And it's one of the questions that I get from people all the time you mentioned. And I know I'm not quoting you perfectly, but it's something like you said, like the guy chases someone, like men are chases. I, I think men are chases. By nature, right. And so the girl is acting super cool, like, you know, I don't really care, like I have my stuff going on maybe. Are you going to explain better?

[Busy Gold]

And then.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

But once the guy gets the girl, the, the whole pattern of the relationship shifts because now all of a sudden maybe she has other needs or maybe like her power makes him feel emasculated. Everything changes. And then I think you even mentioned the video then it's not like, you know, chasing and wanting to be with someone. It's more like a power struggle. And I know it happens with so many couples and it has happened to me so many times and I don't know. And I think because like I said, I get messages from so many women all over the world and my girlfriend said the same thing. Especially successful women. Right. Because we have seen so much going on. So when the guys chasing us, they, they're like, oh, I can adapt and I love this, la la la. But once they're in your world, they're like, oh my God, this is just too much for me. Yes, it becomes a power struggle. So can you explain better the post and is there a way to avoid that? Like once you are in that relationship, how do you not. Is there a way for us women to not cause that type of intimidation on the partner?

[Busy Gold]

Absolutely. Let's start here. Every single person experiences a four part behavior cycle. So our behavior will unfold in four different early, transitional, and late. So one of the things that I think is important for people to understand, and honestly many people don't know about this, so I'm glad that we're having this conversation because you're not crazy. You do contradict yourself. Every single one of us out there, we in early stages may feel one way and then all of a sudden we end up contradicting ourselves or trying to talk ourselves out of something that we previously really wanted. This is actually not because you've lost it, but this is part of how behavior transitions over time. So in brain pattern mapping, we track nine different markers. Four of them have to do with chronological behavior. Like I said, early, transitional, late stage. So what tends to happen here is that in this case in the post, I think it's why he chases the cool girl. Yeah, the cool girl that we're talking about here is typically in early stages, more free spirited, go with the flow. They're not very controlling. They're not necessarily going to lock down on plans, which allows the man to feel like he has something to chase. They're not overly available, they're not overly needy. So it kind of starts this man's pursuit of the chase, where he gets to kind of like dominate his prey. The only problem is this woman is not going to be easily dominated because that's not who she fundamentally is. So what in early stages feels like this fun cat and mouse chase. Once actual commitment is on the table and the relationship is secured. All of those same qualities that once drew them to that person and they, it felt like attraction. Now those things do feel emasculating. It does feel like there is this, you know, well, which one of us is the man? Because that woman still can't be controlled. She couldn't be controlled in early stages and she's certainly not gonna be controlled now. So I think often, and by the way, I'll stop here and say I actually think that this is less of a gender issue than it is a brain pattern issue. I think certain brain patterns love the chase and certain brain patterns like to be chased in early stages, but you can't ever really lock them down.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So you don't think it's like a guy behavior like Mark?

[Busy Gold]

Yeah, we've been sociologically programmed to think of this as male and female. But for example, typically what's happening here is the woman that's being chased, that's the cool girl, they actually have a very masculine presenting pattern. That's, that's part of this whole problem is that from a sociological perspective, they're both behaving like a man, essentially. Which is why when commitment is actually anchored, suddenly the man's expecting that now that the woman is somehow committed in this secure relationship, suddenly she's going to become submissive or demure or stop being good with the flow and suddenly like want to stay home all the time and not go out with her friends, when none of these things are going to happen. Because that's fundamentally who that person is. So in that early stage attraction, it allowed that man's brain pattern to see it as something to be conquered or chased. But once there's security anchored, that is going to be a dynamic that's likely going to challenge that man and make him potentially feel like he's less of a man or like he doesn't have any power in this relationship. Because this woman has her own power, right? This woman has her own inner strength and power and she doesn't look outside of herself for what to do or how to do things. Everything's very self generated. So another way to say this would be, that is the recipe for confidence. This woman is very confident and she doesn't need somebody to validate that experience for her. And that's not gonna change once security is anchored. And that's essentially what the man is thinking of in his head. If I just do this, then she's gonna be mine. But those parameters are really not gonna change because of this Brighton pattern types. Late stage behavior is also very self assured and confident.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So practically speaking, is there anything. Because I don't, I think, I guess most women don't do that on purpose, right? Like they don't scare a guy away. But is there anything practical that they can do in order not to send these vibes, so to speak?

[Busy Gold]

Yeah. So in the post that you're talking about, there's a comment to DM on there where it actually takes you to an article I wrote on the tough girl. So there is a lot there too that I would dig into. But I'll kind of give you some of the highlights right now. So one of them is if you understand that you are this very self assured, confident woman, you have to be able to find certain ways to embrace the fat. I'm gonna enroll in the relationship. So an example would be if maybe cooking is not really your thing, it might be a good thing for you to do, to kind of play around, challenge yourself. Like I'm gonna play around with the recipe tonight. Like, honey, I'm not that good at cooking. But like tonight, want to try this out. It allows them to see that you're trying to be dynamic and trying to find ways to step into maybe more of that traditional feminine role. Other ways could be, you don't necessarily, the woman that we're talking about here doesn't necessarily look to others to solve problems. And you're probably very hyper independent and can pretty much do anything yourself. You want to try to find opportunities to go to your partner to ask them to collaborate or ask them for feedback. Even if you're not used to, to getting it or you don't feel you need it because big picture, your partner just wants to feel included. So example would be, and this is, you know, I have this dynamic with my husband, so I'm, I'm the girl that he chased and I, I have a more masculine presenting personality. So this is a great example. I started to take these peptide injections and I got all the needles and I, I went to my husband and I was like, honey, I'm a little bit afraid of needles. Can you show me like on Saturday morning, can you help me do this and just kind of set it up? Since you've been doing it for a while. And he's like, oh, my God. Ye problem. So he was all excited, but I messed this up. Okay, so now it's Saturday morning. I wake up and I know I'm supposed to take it first thing in the morning without any food. And I see my husband outside mowing the lawn. My brain pattern is like, it's okay, I'm gonna figure it out. I'll take care of it. I jump the gun and I'm like, I'll just figure it out. So I go do it. I give myself the injection. He comes in, he's like, honey, are you ready for your injections? I'm like, I already gave it to myself because you were on the lawnmower. So here we go. Positive self deception. In my mind in this instant, I'm like, I don't want to disrupt him on the lawnmower. I'll just take care of it myself. I don't want to be a bother. But what happened, it actually really pissed him off because he was like, honey, I finally was going to get to do something for you. Why did you rob me of this opportunity? So these are just these little moments that sometimes we miss where this is still something I continually have to work on because I'm so used to being independent and doing things on my own. I need to find ways to let my husband be the man and to show up for me. Because it really does build trust. It builds vulnerability. And ultimately, from a brain pattern perspective, why somebody like you or I doesn't go asking for help or looking for support is because that actually is too vulnerable. We've had people fail us or not show up for us in the past or to turn on us when we've asked for help. So it's not. Doesn't feel safe to put yourself out there. So big picture, the best healing step you can do as the tough girl is to actually practice putting yourself out there so that your husband or your partner has a chance to show up for you and feel like they're the man, that they can be the protector, even if you don't need it.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Very, very practical and important advice. I love it. I think you, like, really hit the mark. And another video, you mentioned something that I totally agree with you. You said something like that most people, like when we're dating someone, we're very agreeable right at the beginning, like, oh, yeah, whatever you want. Whatever you want. I've been guilty of doing that. Everybody's been guilty of doing that. Because we want that person to like us, right? And then if you continue dating and you you're in a relationship, you start more showing like who you truly are.

[Beducated Advertiser]

Guys, I never thought I would say this, but this Black Friday. Instead of buying more stuff I don't need, I decided to invest in my sex life instead. We all know Black Friday is about deals, but what would you rather do? Spend hundreds of dollars in stuff you don't need or 69 bucks on improving your sex life?

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Yes.

[Beducated Advertiser]

@Beducated.Com Real Talk no one ever really teaches us how to be amazing in bed. We're just supposed to figure it out somehow, right? Well, that's exactly what I thought until I found educated. I started exploring their courses because I wanted to understand not just pleasure, but connection. And it completely changed how I said I see intimacy. I learned simple, real techniques that make you more confident, more in tune with your partner and honestly more empowered in your own body. Beducated is a safe space for all. And that's my favorite part. No matter relationship status, sexual orientation or gender. So if you're ready to level up your love and sex life solo or with a partner, go to beducate me cat 69. That's my code. Cat K a T69 to get 65 off the yearly pass. That's their biggest discount of the year and it's completely risk free. 14 day money back guarantee. So go to beducate me cat 69 and give yourself a gift that will last.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Do you think it's maybe too much from the get go to literally just show yourself like, no, I don't like this, I like this this. Or do you think it is a good idea to be more agreeable at the very beginning?

[Busy Gold]

I think naturally the bait and switch causes long term problems in the relationship. So I think there's probably an alternate path in the middle. So let's lay the two paths out. Path one is, we'll give it some context. Let's say the guy that you're seeing is like, let's go side by side in the mountains. But inside you're like scared. You don't really like the outdoors. You don't really want to go on the side by side. But you're like, sure, that sounds great, right? So you start now going side by side and you've led this person that you're dating to think that you love this. So now they want to do it all the time and you're just kind of like bearing down white knuckling every time you go. Eventually when the relationship becomes secure Maybe one time you're like, oh, let's I got like a side by side for this side. And you're like, oh, is there any way we can do something else? They're like, what, you don't like side by side ing anymore? At a certain point you're going to have to out yourself. Like, actually, I never liked it. I just was very like, I was just trying to be agreeable so that we had something to do. Eventually you're going to to either have to out yourself, admit that you lied, or you're going to have to suppress it forever and just really get good at loving to go in the side by side with your partner because they're probably not going to stop. So the bait and switch here is that you, you allowed them to bond. And again, for anyone that's listening audio, you allowed them to bond with you on something that was false and down the road that's going to feel like a betrayal. And that may be one of the first wounds of a trust break that was totally avoidable. So an example would be of how to do it in this middle of the road. Let's say early stage eating. Like, hey, babe, I thought it would be cool to ride a side by side. Here's the honesty. Honey, I really want to do this with you because obviously it's going to make you so happy. I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel about it. I'm a little bit afraid of going outside, but I'm willing to do it for you and see if I can get into it. Right. That's honest. Yes. Then maybe the next time, like, so, honey, how'd you feel about it? Like, it wasn't bad. Like it's not my favorite thing in the world, but like, I can do it from time to time. At least now you're setting up the relationship and the bonding process based in truth rather than like, sure, let's go all this time and then all of a sudden you're pulling the rug out from one of them. Like, actually, I have hated it the whole time.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Yeah.

[Busy Gold]

So it's okay to be honest, especially if you're willing to compromise and give it a try, even if you're not really that into it. But at least that way you get to again build this sort of bonding mechanism in the truth, which I think is far better than either saying, no, I don't want to do that or pretending that you're really agreeable. There is that middle ground that I think is rooted in honesty but is still willing to show them that you're willing to step outside of your comfort zone, to give it a try.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

I love that and I completely agree with you. I've had many experts here on the show because I'm not an expert, I'm just learning. And they say it's totally fine to fib at the beginning of relationship. Fib about your age, feel about this. And I'm like, my style is the exact opposite. I, I'm just saying, me personally, I think it's a horrible idea. Like I don't want somebody to like me because they think I'm younger or older or thinner or whatever. I, I like just put myself out there because I want somebody to like me the way I am. And I've had many experts tell me it's a horrible mistake. Don't do that from the get go. It's marketing. I've heard it often.

[Busy Gold]

Oh my God, I'm on your team here. One of the foundational principles of my work is above all else, expedite the truth. I think big picture. When we can expedite both our personal truth and the truth of how our relationship is going to unfold to come out into the open. Both parties now have an opportunity to collaborate and work on it. But if you're manipulating or pitching a version, eventually the truth is going to come out and it will likely lead to a betrayal and trust break, which is just not worth it. And again, it's that whole bait and switch tactic. Do you really want to manipulate somebody into liking you? Because eventually you're going to have to continue that manipulation because you've got them bonded and attached to something that's not real. That's not what a healthy long term relationship is built on.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Yeah, no, I agree with you 1 million percent. Now, before we shift gears, do you think opposite attract? Because it's a big controversy out there and I know you did a post about that as well. I was watching all your posts last night because your work is fascinating and I know some people say yes. You know, you can have two of the same people under one roof and some people say no. If you're too opposite from someone, how are you going to build a life with that person? What's your take on that?

[Busy Gold]

I think opposites do attract, but I think more so it's that opposite brain patterns attract so that they can experience something that I call in my work symbiotic dysfunction. We effectively need to be repetitively triggered in such a way in the relationship that we can keep playing out our pattern over and over again. So typically two patterns are attracted to each other because their responses to each other are also each other's trigger. So it creates this, I call it a Pac man of doom. I don't know if anyone remembers the game Pac Man.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Oh yeah.

[Busy Gold]

Basically, if you were to imagine. Right. But everything that I say to you is your worst trigger. And then when you respond to me, that's my worst trigger. And that's essentially what happens in relationships. So I think it's less about opposites in terms of maybe this person is more conservative and this person's more liberal. Less like that and more that. On the brain pattern spectrum, which is something that is in my book, there are five total brain pattern types in the entire 8 billion plus global population. There are two primary patterns on the left and then there's three patterns on the right. What ends up happening is whatever your brain pattern type is, when you do brain pattern mapping, it places you very specifically on the spectrum. You tend to attract a person that is your equal opposite on the right side or left side of the spectrum. So there's this, there's something that I call the mirror effect in my book, which you'll eventually get to where two people could tench they could look the same from the outside. But ultimately how they see the world and the decisions that they make and the priorities that they have could be very starkly contrasted. These things typically exist so that polarity, or at least our experience of polarity can be present. I think many people can attest if they look back at their past relationships that there's a very fine line between spark and toxicity. Right. Some of what we are attracted to. It's really riding that line of what's probably not good for us. And then we tend to see behaviors that may be more vanilla or stable or not necessarily that attractive to us. Use the term maybe beige flag as something that's a turn off when really that actually might be the exact type of person that we need for us to lead a very stable, peaceful life. But we tend to be attracted to the polarity or that spark. I do think that big picture in my work, I work with a lot of couples. It's very uncommon that you see people that are in a long lasting relationship that are very close to each other on the spectrum. And I think this is because naturally people who are too close would repel each other or would friend zone each other. And I think the more likely scenario is that they would friend zone each other. So if anyone listening or watching has ever had that Experience where you're like, on paper, we should be such a good match, but there's just. There's no chemistry. It's likely because you're too close to each other on the brain pattern spectrum for that experience of being spark to be present. But I truly think that no matter what your brain pattern types are, when people do emotional repatterning work like break method, it doesn't really matter how similar or different you are. People can actually very much come together in a collaborative and healthy way, despite how close or far apart they are, as long as they have the right tools.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Very interesting. So for people that have no idea what you're talking about, what is brain mapping? How do you do it?

[Busy Gold]

So brain pattern mapping is something that can be done. On my website, breakmethod.com I spent the last 11 years mapping brain patterns and historical data points to develop a predictive model. So the predictive model that we created, it accurately predicts patterns of thought, behavior, and decision making with 98.3% accuracy. It takes about 20 minutes for you to fill out. It's something that you can do completely online. And then at the end screen, it'll have you book a session to actually have your diagnostic evaluated. So it'll actually break down who you are, what made you that way. It'll be able to accurately predict secrets that you keep, patterns that you probably would rather not disclose. It's a very exposing experience. And it just shows you that really, we are actually a byproduct of our early childhood data points, rather than our genetics or things that are a little bit more ethereal, like culture, my family, you can actually very much distill down the inputs that generated the outputs of behavior. And if we have some of those concrete inputs, we can very much predict who you are and how you see the world, even in just 20 minutes.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So it's questions that you answer or tests.

[Busy Gold]

Questions, Yep. But they're. They're all historical data points, so they're very concrete. They're not like, how did you feel about this? Or how would you evaluate this? They're all very concrete data points. Example, how many siblings did you have? Where were you in the lineup? Things that are easy for anybody to answer. They're not big qualitative questions.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So you do the. This brain mapping test, and then you send the person the results.

[Busy Gold]

So then we would look, you would book a session with a behavior strategist on our team, and they'd actually go through and show you your brain pattern diagnostic and break down all the markers and so.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Okay, what do you mean? Like, markers of what? Sorry, I'm just there.

[Busy Gold]

I'm not.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Just assume that people listening, they want to understand. Because I think we all want to understand how our brain works better. But they don't know what you're about talking. Come on.

[Busy Gold]

So there's nine markers. So if you've ever had your blood drawn, right, and you get kind of a lab report and it says, like, this is high, this is low, this is concerning, go get this recheck, right? You need more of this supplement. That's essentially what's happening here. But it's happening instead of showing you the qualities of your blood, it's showing you the qualities of your perception of reality and your thoughts, your emotional state and how your chemicals change over time and then how those elicit behavior. So we're tracking nine different markers. So just like you would on a lab result, there's nine different things that we're tracking. Two of them have to do with how you actually fundamentally perceive reality and see the world. So a way to look at this would be when our brain pattern is active. It would be like wearing glasses that we don't know we're wearing. So as soon as we start to understand that we're wearing glasses, we learn how to take them off. And we realize, oh, my God, that was a distortion. I was so convinced that that was objective reality. I just started to identify with that as self. So you learn how to take that off. So now you're seeing more objectively because you can see that distortion. Those are the top two markers. The middle three markers are how your emotional addiction cycle unfolds over time. So there's an origin, a protective and an escalating response. Emotions are going to be like a biochemical chain reaction that happens in your body. And it will basically connect the dots between thought and behavior. So that in between, it's like the glue. Our thoughts elicit emotion and then we start to act out of behavior. So those are going to unfold in a three part cycle. And then our behavior unfolds in a four part cycle. So we're tracking that early stage behavior, transitional behavior, and late stage behavior. So we would understand very quickly what's likely to happen to you in the beginning of a relationship. What happens when security gets anchored in the relationship. And then what you do in that relationship. Once things are very committed, we would be able to accurately predict all of that behavior.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

So let's say I do the mapping and I get the results and I get my markers. And so Some stuff out there doesn't look good. Whatever my, my perception of what I thought, you know, my, my life is great. How do you fix it? Do you do therapy? How does that work?

[Busy Gold]

Yeah. So break method actually is the modality that we would use to correct all of those areas that need to be repatterned. One thing I will say is it's less about like this doesn't look good and it's more just what is the unique lens prescription that I have personally that distorts certain areas from my career to my relationship with finances, to my intimate relationships to parenting. And how can I learn to see those blind spots so that I can become more successful, more productive, more self regulated, and have more peace both in my head and out in my external world. So all we're doing is kind of highlighting these areas of where we need to do something called pattern opposition. So a way to look at this would be if we know our thoughts elicit emotion and then that elicits behavior. There are certain behaviors that we act out that technically consciously we know are not good for us, but we don't notice that we're doing them until we've gotten ourselves into trouble or we're in pain. This diagnostic will show you exactly why that behavior is misfiring and why it's feeling justified to your brain in the early stages before you're in pain, so that we can actually learn to effectively stop it. And break method is the modality where we actually effectively rewire every single one of those nine markers so that you can come back to center, have again more collaboration, more empathy for other people, more success, more productivity, and more of course, inner peace. That's a byproduct of usually decreasing mental chatter, negative self talk or intrusive thoughts. So those are all things that we conduct in break method over the course of about 20 weeks on average. And it's a series of video lectures with me, one on one sessions, group sessions, and of course doing all the diagnostic work so that we can very strategically have you rewire very specific patterns in a specific order while making sure that we're addressing that distorted self deception pattern in your brain. I do also cover this minimally in my book, which you have. So the book is a little bit more written to be almost like a cheat sheet. So an example of this would be in the book. Obviously I cover the fundamentals, but there's a section in the book where it encourages you to go do your brain pattern diagnostic because the whole second half of the book is dedicated to each brain Pattern type. So you would go to that brain pattern type that you are and you would actually learn to see all of your self deceptive tendencies. You would learn what language your brain weaponizes against you to keep you feeling justified repeating things that will eventually lead to heartache or conflict later on. And then it challenges you in an area of the book called rebellion zones where it strategically tells you exactly what to do instead and how we have to equip you with tools to actually do that thing with a different result.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

It's fascinating and it's so interesting, but I would think it, and please tell me if I'm wrong, it really, the work would only work if somebody is willing to do it. Because I'm thinking like, like let's say a narcissist or like a total egomaniac. You know, a person that doesn't think like if obviously your mom had a mental illness, my mom did too by the way. But let's say somebody like that and they do the brain mapping and everything, the work is only going to work if they're open minded to it. Do you agree? Because if they read everything like nah, that's not me, that's I don't need my brain rewired. It's a bunch of baloney. Then it doesn't matter how many sessions, doesn't matter how much you want to try to help them, it's just not going to work. Is that the case?

[Busy Gold]

This is a twofold issue, so I'll address one item first. Very frequently the person that you've just described, they come to me very convinced that somebody else is the problem. So they are likely to come to me in maybe a marriage where they're like this, this and this and this, this, this is why I'm doing this. Like my husband needs help. Basically what ends up happening in many of those circumstances is that when we do brain pattern mapping, they unfortunately have to face the truth that they are actually very much involved in the cycle as well. And that potentially they are actually the COVID narcissist pattern which is much more common actually. And it's very common for that pattern to point a finger at somebody else and say this person's the narcissist. Like they're the reason my marriage is falling apart. So that is a very common scenario that we see all the time in our work. And then the other scenario which you're describing, I think there are I. One of my best performing Facebook ads for example, is you're getting called a narcissist. Do you wanna know why? Because there are a lot of men out there that get called a narcissist and they're frustrated by it. They don't understand what they're doing, they don't feel like it's justified. So that is actually one of my top performing ads and I do have a ton of male clients who come to me and they're like, listen, I don't feel like this is justified, but show me where I'm wrong, show me what I'm missing. And quite often with those men, when I go through the brain pattern mapping session with them, they've already had an epiphany and they're like, yes, sign me up. I don't want what I'm doing and thinking to translate this way, so help me, I want to fix it. So I think that often it's that split more than what we're socially programmed to believe narcissism is. I think it's very often those two cases rather than what we see on Instagram.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

I hope a lot of guys out there listening, if you've been called a narcissist, narcissist, be open minded enough to at least try to get help. Right?

[Busy Gold]

It's so common and I do think this is not of course the only input, but it is one of the inputs that can do this. In certain cultures and certain families there is preference given to a certain position of male son which that input actually creates this narcissistic output where they do think the world revolves around them and they don't really ever have to face consequences of their actions. And they do have especially women in their lives beg borrowing, stealing to cover for them. So they just kind of get to get away with things without any sort of self accountability. That is very common and typically that is one of the more common input patterns that I would see with a guy that's like, I don't understand why I'm being called a narcissist. And then eventually when you break it down, they're like, oh well, when you put it that way, yes, I get it. Help my. I don't want to be like this.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

I love that. I'll send you my ex boyfriend. Okay, well congratulations. Your book is fantastic. Where can people find it?

[Busy Gold]

You can find on any retailer obviously Amazon seems to be everyone's go to. So if you go to Amazon, it's your brain is a filthy liar and my name is Busygold and I really hope that you enjoy the book. There is a QR code, I believe it's around chapter eight in the book that you can scan to go do your brain pattern mapping session.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Fantastic. Guys, if you're listening to the audio episode, the link to her website is right here. Go read the book because it's. It's fantastic reading. I think we all can benefit from knowing how our brain works better. I am madly in love with the subject. Thank you so much.

[Podcast Producer/Host]

Busy.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Congratulations on our success. A huge honor having you here on Cat on the Loose.

[Busy Gold]

Thank you for having me.

[Podcast Host (Cat on the Loose)]

Be safe out there, guys. See you soon.