Podcast Summary: Kat on the Loose
Episode: SEX COACH CAITLIN V
Host: Kat Zammuto | Guest: Caitlin V. (Sex & Relationship Coach)
Release Date: August 6, 2025
Episode Overview
In this candid, empowering, and sex-positive episode, host Kat Zammuto welcomes Caitlin V., YouTube sex and relationship expert, to talk frankly about men’s sexual challenges, pleasure, communication in the bedroom, and how women can unapologetically claim their desires. With humor, insight, and zero judgment, they dive into issues like performance anxiety, orgasms (for both men and women), communication tips, taboo topics (from lasting longer to anal sex), and making pleasure a birthright.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Caitlin V.'s Background and Philosophy
- How Caitlin Started ([02:53])
- Knew early she wanted to help people enjoy sex: “I think pleasure's a birthright. So I think we should be empowering people to experience pleasure.” (Caitlin V., 03:22)
- Not from an open household—grew up in the Midwest, but passionate about making difficult conversations feel safe.
- America’s Attitude Toward Sex ([03:36])
- Contrasts with other cultures—America’s “puritanical” framework restricts open talk about pleasure and sexuality, especially for women.
- Emphasizes importance of normalizing women speaking openly about sex.
2. The Male Sexual Experience: Challenges & Solutions
- Performance Anxiety & Where to Start ([06:06])
- Men often feel shame or embarrassment—Caitlin recommends starting with honest self-reflection:
- “What's the real numbers here?... Let's wrap our heads around the data, because then we can get a way more clear perspective on what's happening.” (Caitlin V., 06:22)
- Compare masturbation vs. partnered performance to identify differences.
- Men often feel shame or embarrassment—Caitlin recommends starting with honest self-reflection:
- Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction ([07:38])
- 30% of men deal with premature ejaculation at some point; many think they’ll “grow out of it” but don’t.
- Erectile dysfunction impacts 40% of men in their 40s, 50% in their 50s, 60% in their 60s, but Caitlin believes, “It does not have to be that way.” ([07:43])
- Communication Gap ([08:32])
- Men and women often avoid talking about dissatisfaction, which results in unfulfilling sex and, at times, infidelity.
- “If you found out that your man was having an emotional relationship... That hurts. If you tell me, 'Oh, it was just sex,'... it hurts differently for each of us.” (Caitlin V., 09:09)
- Importance of expressing needs from a non-blamey place: “I want our sex to last longer” vs. “You always come too soon.” ([10:11])
- Caitlin’s Methods & Resources ([10:53])
- “Come When You Want” method for ejaculation control; “Hard As You Want” for better erections.
- Focus on “restoring bodily function without medication,” but open to supplements and safe medical aids as needed.
3. On Masculinity, Medication, and Safety ([14:20])
- Caitlin warns against extremes (gas station pills, unsafe practices): “You can cause real permanent damage to your body... I want more than anything is for you not to have to rely on something that's like outside of you.” (Caitlin V., 16:15)
- Sex is meant to work—if it doesn’t, look at personal/relationship/cultural factors ("gunk in the pipes").
4. Stamina, Refractory Periods, and Communication of Female Desire
- Multiple Rounds & Age Factors ([23:10])
- As men age, the post-ejaculation “refractory period” grows, but men can learn to have orgasms without ejaculation through practice.
- Women’s bodies can handle more—“women and women's bodies are actually the ones that are designed for a lot of sex... we can go back and we can go back.” (Caitlin V., 18:08)
- How to Ask for More ([25:01]):
- Structure sex to meet both partners’ needs: delayed ejaculation, planned breaks, mixing foreplay and intimacy.
- “Part of what women can do is say, like, hey, you know, I find that once I have one orgasm... I like to go multiple rounds... What can we do so that you are able to do that with me?” (Caitlin V., 25:01)
5. Anal Sex: Taboos, Challenges, and Safe Exploration
- Taboo & Communication ([29:25])
- Analytical, consent-based approach: “The way to approach the anus... is slowly. Painfully slowly. I don't mean slowly over one night either. I mean slowly over a period…”
- Cleanliness is manageable (good hygiene, enemas if desired, just water/saline).
- Step-by-Step Progression ([31:00])
- Start with external focus, then gradual external touch, then lube, small toys, etc.
- Two sphincters: outer one is under voluntary control, inner by autonomic nervous system—must build safety and trust.
- Male Anal Pleasure ([35:00])
- Caitlin debunks the stigma: “Your anus has almost as many nerve endings as your lips.”
- Encourages exploring pleasure regardless of sexual orientation.
6. Oral Sex & Enthusiasm
- Changing the Story ([37:40])
- Societal shame underlies many women’s lack of enthusiasm for oral sex—mindset shift is key.
- Men should also help make it inviting (hygiene, verbal appreciation, sound).
- “There's a thing about men that I come [across] all the time... they're sort of stoic in bed. They don't want to, like, moan. Moaning is for women, Right? Pleasure is for women.” (Caitlin V., 38:58)
- Embracing Pleasure
- Caitlin: “I just, I'm in this career. Like, I think genitals are so cool... If you develop an appreciation and gratitude for this part of your body... you can enjoy giving that to someone else.” ([39:40])
7. Initiating Hard Conversations About Sex
- Breaking the Silence ([42:19])
- Don’t expect one conversation to fix everything—“it's not going to be one singular conversation. So you don't have to get everything out all at once.”
- Structure: check the timing, meet romantic/emotional needs first; start gently (“Something I want to talk about. Is now a good time?”).
- Reassure and prepare—offer resources, research, reassurance of safety and mutual control.
8. Compatibility and Emotional Risk
- If They Judge You, They’re Not Your Person ([47:12])
- “If you cannot speak freely with your partner, it's probably not the right partner for you.”
- Caitlin: “You have to say the hard thing. You have to say the thing that you don't want to say. That's the most important thing to say... but understand that it will not kill you.” ([47:53])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Normalizing Pleasure:
- “Pleasure’s a birthright. We should be empowering people to experience pleasure.”
— Caitlin V. [03:22]
- “Pleasure’s a birthright. We should be empowering people to experience pleasure.”
-
On Shame and Secrecy:
- “If you're afraid of what it means to someone who's not even watching... and that's preventing you from having the conversation with your partner, it's worth considering how can you address this in a way that would feel good and safe?”
— Caitlin V. [35:44]
- “If you're afraid of what it means to someone who's not even watching... and that's preventing you from having the conversation with your partner, it's worth considering how can you address this in a way that would feel good and safe?”
-
On Safe and Gradual Anal Exploration:
- “Move to just 20% outside your comfort zone. Don't go blow past your comfort zone... baby steps.”
— Caitlin V. [36:25]
- “Move to just 20% outside your comfort zone. Don't go blow past your comfort zone... baby steps.”
-
On Initiating Hard Topics:
- “There’s something I want to talk to you about. It has to do with our sex life. Is now a good time?”
— Caitlin V. [43:45]
- “There’s something I want to talk to you about. It has to do with our sex life. Is now a good time?”
-
On Radical, Loving Communication:
- “No one’s heart ever stopped because they said the hard thing.”
— Caitlin V. [47:58]
- “No one’s heart ever stopped because they said the hard thing.”
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [02:53] Caitlin discusses her sex-positive philosophy & entry into the field
- [06:06] First steps for men with performance worries
- [07:38] Premature ejaculation, ED, and the stigma around male sexual challenges
- [10:53] Caitlin’s “Come When You Want” method and holistic approaches
- [14:20] The dangers of unsafe self-medication among men
- [18:08] Women’s stamina and communicating about desire
- [23:10] Age, stamina, and male sexual response
- [25:01] Tips for structuring sex for mutual pleasure
- [29:25] Anal sex: taboos, safety, and communication
- [31:00] Step-by-step guide for safe anal exploration
- [35:00] Male anal pleasure and breaking taboos
- [37:40] Oral sex, women's attitudes, men’s communication
- [42:19] How to initiate vulnerable conversations about sex
- [47:12] On true compatibility and the necessity of honesty
Tone & Style
- Open, raw, supportive, enthusiastic
- Mix of humor, science, personal experience, and practical advice
- Feminine empowerment, emphasis on mutual pleasure and consent
- Totally judgment-free, spans topics typically left unsaid
Summary
This episode serves as an approachable, illuminating resource for anyone—men or women—seeking deeper intimacy, better sex, and bolder communication. Caitlin V. demystifies sexual “problems,” offers holistic and practical tools, and models zero-shame, radical honesty. The episode is affirming for sexually empowered women and provides actionable steps for men struggling with typical challenges. Through playful banter, real-world advice, and expert knowledge, "Kat on the Loose" makes difficult conversations sexy, safe, and totally normal.
Recommended For:
- Anyone struggling with sexual confidence or challenges
- Women wanting to own their desires
- Couples wanting to improve intimacy
- Listeners wary of shame, taboos, and silence around sex
For more, check out Caitlin V.’s YouTube channel, her dedicated sexual wellness methods, or reach out with further questions for a future Part Two.