The Love Architect - Kailen Rosenberg

Summary

Podcast Summary: Kat on the Loose — "The Love Architect - Kailen Rosenberg"

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Kailen Rosenberg ("The Celebrity Love Architect")
Release Date: January 14, 2026

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Overview

In this thought-provoking episode, Kat Zammuto welcomes celebrity relationship expert and "Love Architect" Kailen Rosenberg. Together, they deliver a raw, insightful exploration of love, self-healing, authentic connection, and how transformational relationship work goes far deeper than traditional matchmaking. Kailen shares her unique approach to helping people break destructive patterns, banish shame, discover true self-love, and manifest meaningful partnerships—often finding greater love than they ever expected.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is a "Love Architect"?

[01:18]

• Kailen explains that her "celebrity" moniker comes from her work with high-profile clients, but she supports anyone seeking real love.
• The "architect" aspect is about a deep, soul-level blueprint—far beyond matchmaking—helping clients know and love themselves first.

"The work that I do...I dive really, really deep and dig into really the architecture of oneself, their soul, their spirituality, their being, their childhood."
—Kailen [01:30]

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2. How Kailen’s Process Differs from Traditional Matchmaking

[02:49–04:30]

• Unlike most matchmakers, Kailen refuses to match clients until they've done inner work—a "full overhaul" of heart and spirit.
• She guides clients through a “Blueprint” process delving into unresolved trauma, self-sabotage, and self-love.
• Clients often discover that what they want in a partner changes—sometimes drastically—after healing previous wounds.

“Most matchmaking...you give them your list...They say, great, fabulous, let me see if I can find him or her...To me, with all due respect, sort of still dealing with the same patterns...I think it indirectly sets people up for failure, and I won’t go there.”
—Kailen [03:43]

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3. Why People Repeat Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

[06:47–10:24]

• Repeating bad matches is a sign of a "soul starving to heal."
• Unresolved issues and old wounds draw us to the same types, hoping for healing.
• True transformation happens when individuals genuinely know, heal, and love themselves, breaking old cycles and attracting healthier relationships.

“The reason that we continue to...find the same person...is because it is our soul starving to heal. It is our soul...starving to grow...wanting what we are missing.”
—Kailen [07:41]

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4. On Self-Love, Readiness, and “The List”

[10:24–13:27]

• Self-love is foundational for attracting the right partner.
• As personal healing deepens, priorities shift; lists change.
• Kailen challenges the idea that external attributes (wealth, looks, status) alone lead to fulfillment, emphasizing the need to understand the "why" behind our desires.

“The more you heal, the more you evolve, the more your list changes.”
—Kailen [11:40]

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5. The Flawed Pursuit of Wealth & Status in Partners

[13:27–15:27]

• Kat and Kailen discuss experiences with wealthy partners—money cannot fill inner emptiness.
• Some of the happiest people have little wealth but a rich sense of self and joy.

“If you’re not happy internally and if you don’t deal with your issues, no money in the world is going to make you happy.”
—Kat [13:27]

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6. Non-Negotiables and Openness in Love

[23:25–30:58]

• Kat shares her practice of having strict non-negotiables; Kailen challenges this, suggesting that such lists sometimes come from ego, control, or past wounds.
• Kailen argues that truly knowing and loving yourself changes both your perspective and your flexibility, and that meaningful connections can overturn even our most steadfast rules.
• They debate the difference between reasonable boundaries and fear-based walls.

“We have to be really, really careful and mindful again about the non negotiables...What should and should not be a non negotiable?”
—Kailen [25:38]

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7. Dating Apps and the Exhaustion Factor

[19:26–22:56]

• Both agree online dating is chaotic—"a shit show"—but it can work for those grounded in self-worth.
• Kailen encourages radical authenticity, asking hard questions, and conducting due diligence (background checks if necessary!).
• The dating pool is a microcosm of collective woundedness.

“It’s a microcosm of the reality of the world we live in...It’s all humans that haven’t healed. And so now those humans that haven’t healed are single, wanting to mingle, and they’re mingling dysfunctionally.”
—Kailen [21:45]

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8. The Age Myth & What Men (and Women) Really Want

[32:01–37:01]

• They bust the myth that older men exclusively desire significantly younger women; many successful, mature men seek strong, age-appropriate partners for genuine connection.
• Confidence, self-possession, and self-sufficiency are deeply attractive—more so than youth.

“The good men that are really ready for love...they really do want a woman closer to their age...because of the emotionality, the relatability, the intellect, the commonality.”
—Kailen [35:28]

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9. Divorce, Healing, and Returning to Love

[38:46–42:19]

• Is a man (or woman) post-divorce a red flag? Kailen says it’s case by case—some are ready for real partnership, some are not.
• The importance of honest dialogue and pace: “If you found the one, they’re not going anywhere.”

“There have been some really lovely men that have married, you know, a year after divorce or even six months after divorce, and they’re amazing husbands and they finally have love.”
—Kailen [40:21]

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10. Moving Beyond Past Hurt & Trusting Again

[42:23–46:34]

• How to stop projecting old wounds onto new partners: recognize good people exist if you’re one, too.
• Have open conversations about past hurt and present fears; authenticity repels the wrong ones and attracts the right ones.

“If you know you are a good person who doesn’t cheat, but you were cheated on...you have to calm down, go within and realize...if I exist, there must be at least one more person out there.”
—Kailen [43:26] “Don’t be afraid of turning someone off. Because...the things that you could do that could turn one person off actually turns another person on.”
—Kailen [44:22]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On transformation:
  “It is our soul starving to heal...most people, because they don’t know who they are...they go into the perpetual relationship patterns of dysfunction.”
  —Kailen [07:41]
• On non-negotiables:
  “We have to be really, really careful and mindful again about the non negotiables...”
  —Kailen [25:38]
• On the real work:
  “Love design is...about loving and knowing you and knowing all...the tricks of the trade that are actually...just true identifying processes and experiences that allow you to see people in the correct way, to hear them in the correct way.”
  —Kailen [45:23]
• On women supporting women:
  “I want them to find that and to know that and to honor that so they can have what they deserve...but also so women can start being nicer to one another and stop being so damn competitive.”
  —Kailen [38:24]
• Kat’s closing:
  “Nobody should give up on finding love. Just no matter what happens to you, keep going because it’s worth it, right?”
  —Kat [47:24]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:18] — Introduction to “Love Architect”
• [02:49] — Difference from typical matchmaking
• [05:25] — Kailen’s deep-dive process
• [06:47] — Why we repeat relationship patterns
• [10:24] — The role of self-love and “the list”
• [13:27] — Pursuing happiness vs. status or money
• [19:26] — Online dating and setting boundaries
• [23:25] — The non-negotiables debate
• [32:01] — Ageism, confidence, and real attraction
• [38:46] — Dating after divorce
• [42:23] — Letting go of old wounds

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Conclusion & Final Thoughts

Kat and Kailen’s candid, compassionately blunt conversation is packed with wisdom for anyone tired of “rinse and repeat” dating and yearning for something deeper. Connection, healing, and transformation begin within—no matter your background, age, or heartbreak history. Kailen’s work—detailed via her platform mylovedesign.com and her book Real Love Right Now—offers actionable, soulful steps toward attracting and keeping genuine love.

Key Takeaway:
Before seeking "the one," become "the one" for yourself. Heal, evolve, and watch your standards—and your possibilities—elevate.

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Links shared:

• Kailen’s book: Real Love Right Now
• Platform: MyLoveDesign.com
• Video episodes: YouTube @ Kat on the Loose Show

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For empowering relationship talk with a global edge, tune in to new episodes of Kat on the Loose every Wednesday.

Transcript

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[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

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[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Kaylin, it's such a pleasure having you here. Welcome to Cat on the Loose.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Thank you for having me. So nice meeting you.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

It's lovely meeting you. I was looking through your videos and your work and your website and it piqued my curiosity. So I have a million questions for you if you're ready to rock and roll.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

I love it. Let's go.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

So for people that don't know you, what does it mean being a celebrity? Love architect. I mean, I love the name sounds so chic. But can you explain to us what you mean by that?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Well, you know, the celebrity part comes from the fact that I've worked with and still work with many celebrities and have for many years in the dynamics of their love lives. And as I've worked with some for many years, as they have children and their children grow, I remain in the dynamic of kind of managing their life in all elements when it comes to love. And whether they're married and they're coupled and they're struggling, or they're single or newly single and they're looking for that person. And it's in a very different spot, space and time, based on past experience. The architect part comes from, you know, while I'm known in many ways as a matchmaker, the work that I do works really well because I dive really, really deep and dig into really the, not to overuse the word, but the architecture of oneself, their soul, their spirituality, their being, their childhood. It's very therapeutic and there's a lot that needs to be uncovered in order to make anything healthy, well, or successful for my client's lives. So celebrity love architect. But you don't have to be a celebrity for me to work with you. Yeah. Okay.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

So, but what would you say you do different from. Because of course, there are a lot of matchmakers out there.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Right.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Sounds like you have something different going on. What would you say is the main difference between your work and other matchmakers?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah, I, you know, I think it really, you know, while there are many matchmakers that offer coaching and even offer a form of therapy, I will not match my clients until we've experienced together a full overhaul and sort of restoration of connecting my client with and interaction. It really introducing them to themselves. Right. So it's a deep dive trademark blueprint process that has most of my clients, regardless of what's going on in their lives, realizing that they may not have really actually known who they were. Definitely hadn't figured out yet how to truly love themselves and what that meant. And then at the same time, had continually had the same relationship attractions and patterns that weren't serving them and they didn't understand why. So most matchmaking, you go to a matchmaker, you give them your list of what you're looking for and hope for. They say, great, fabulous. Let me see if I can find him or her. And then you're kind of, to me, with all due respect, sort of still dealing with the same patterns, regardless of whether you meet them on your own or you meet them through a matchmaker. And I think it's indirectly sets people up for failure. And I just, I won't go there. So the love design, love architecture piece for me is absolutely massive. For it to be really good.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, look, I agree with everything you said because obviously I've interviewed every matchmaker under the sun, and they pretty much have the same, you know, type of operation. Like you said. You tell them what you want, they look in their database, whatever are their clients, and they see if they can match or not. And unfortunately, most people get out of the. They experience super frustrated. So let's say somebody out there is listening to you. It's the new year. A lot of people, they're looking for love. We're gonna talk about the frustrations. And they're like, okay, I would love to give this a try. So just guide me through the process. We can use me as an example. I call you and I'm like, kaylin, I heard about you. Sounds amazing. You know, I'm single, I'm picky, I haven't found a man for you. So how do you guide a client? Do you first work one on one with the person? Do you try to figure out why is it that they haven't found the right partner? How does it. How you know, can you just guide me step by step?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. So I have again, a trademark blueprint process. I have a blueprint for yourself that is. That covers everything from the aesthetic and the superficial to the internal and the deepness. Spiritual. And it dig. It dives deep into trauma. And we've all had trauma, right. We have some form in our life. And what's really, truly been healed or not most hasn't been healed, regardless of how many years of therapy we have. Right. We've tried our past. It just hasn't healed. It keeps showing up. So I would bring you through this process and blueprint with yourself. Mind, body, soul, spirit, energy, love, what love means to you, how you show up in love, how you show up when you're scared, how you show up when you're ready, really pissed off. Right. How you block, how you sabotage. We attack it in a very different way that actually ends up coming from love and awareness and peace and removes shame, brings understanding. Then we go into a blueprint and design the man or the relationship or the woman that you are looking for. Right. And when we're doing that, by that time, we're already in a different frame of mind as to what this person is. So 9 out of 10 times my clients will say, oh, my gosh, the person I want you to find for me now, Kailyn, is not at all the person I would have told you I wanted on my list before.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

That's very interesting because. Yeah, that's a good point because most people, and I have friends like that. I have bachelor friends, very successful friends, they keep repeating, repeating the same pattern. Like you, you date someone and you know that kind of person is wrong for you, but you keep looking for the same person over and over again. So that was definitely one of my questions for you. How do you break that pattern?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

We're going to talk about that because that's big, right? So here's the. Well, so once we know what we're looking for and who we're looking for and why we're looking for them, rather than the mindset we used to have now, it's so easy for me. It's so easy for me to find them. And one thing that's really cool and beautiful, too is that I usually get kicked out of my matchmaking role because by the time My client is elevated at that level now of self awareness and love and healing. They've already attracted them and found them on their own. I'm like, yay.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I don't care how it happens.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

It doesn't have to be oh yeah, because of energy, right? Energy attracts like energy. So now your question, you know, why do we do that or how do we break it? Here's the deal. And we've heard this in many shapes and forms from many experts, matchmakers, whatever, even depending on how you know, spiritual or into therapy that you are. But it is true. I've been doing this for 30 years. The reason that we continue to and as you say, your friends attract and find the same person over and over and over again, Kat, is because it is our. I don't mean to get woo woo, but I am because to me it's just real. It is our soul starving to heal. It is our soul and our being starving to grow, to grow beyond and to have what we are missing, we so need and we so deserve, which is also then what we actually desire. And it's wanting just. And so oftentimes in relationship, as you know, the that is where you heal it. But most people, because they don't know who they are first and then they go into the perpetual relationship patterns of dysfunction, they think, oh, I have another really bad match. Again, not always. Sometimes you may have met and sometimes oftentimes you may have met your soulmate that could have been the most amazing teacher, but you weren't ready at the time. So that's why again, going back to what makes me different. The prep. The prep, getting you really ready, what does that really mean? It doesn't just mean I'm cute, I'm single, I'm ready to mingle. Crap. I don't mean to call it crap, but it really goes so much deeper. And so we're just trying to find, heal, workout, work through. But the difference is that one thing that I've really learned and I'm so grateful because as beautiful as it can be and transformational, it's also freaking exhausting and life is short to have to keep repeating the patterns. Yeah. So I would much.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Right.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

So I would much rather heal that within and for my client, get him or her ready and then again introduce. Because now when you have your first wall, your first fight, argument, disagreement, hiccup, whatever it is, small or large, you're a different person showing up in that element. And the two of you can still have that soulmate connection, that soulmate healing and that is what creates the genuine, genuine glue and strength and foundation of the relationship that becomes what we all dream of and want.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I love that. Look, in other words, I think you're saying the more we work on ourselves, and that's my opinion, I think the more you are well resolved and you work on your own happiness, your own issues, the more likely you are to find the right partner for you. Right?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Period.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, period. But this is a question I want to ask you. Okay. I have this theory that I develop in my own life and doing the podcast, I think, and I'm not telling anybody to settle, but I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations. Like, let's say here in Beverly Hills. I hear that all the time. There's a lot of women like, I want to date a rich guy, I want to date a success, and yet they do absolutely nothing all day. So I have this theory that you should be whatever you want to attract in a partner. So for example, if you want somebody super successful, you should be successful in your own right or at the very least have a lot of things going on. If you want somebody super fit with a gray body, I think maybe you should have that gray body or that lifestyle. Do you agree with me or do you think that's a little. A bit of an exaggeration?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

I don't think it's an exaggeration, but I also don't completely agree with you and it's not even about agreeing with you or not again. Okay, how about. We'll back up. Where I do agree with you is that again, before you are in that space of finding your person, you need to be as healed and ready and is in love with yourself in a beautiful, soulful way as you can. Because when you're there, you then know on again, like I said before, the list changes. The more you heal, the more you evolve, the more your list changes. And so if you're at this really beautiful healed place and you are like, hey, you know what? I come from a lot of money. I'm used to that. And so I really want that in my partnership. Or I've never had any money. I came from a background where I had nothing. We were really poor. And I would love to know what it's like to have this dream life of living on yachts and flying in private jets and all that cool stuff I see in all the romantic films and movies and, you know, or it's all about where is it coming from? Why do you want that? Why do you desire that? There's Nothing wrong with wanting all of those things. It's why. It's why if it has to do with your identity making you feel like you're then okay or more acceptable or life will be better, then that's wrong. And we need to fix that because I work with many billionaires, multi billionaires, again, celebrity. They're some of the most unhappy, unfulfilled people you'll ever meet.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Oh, listen, I know, look, I agree I was married. You probably don't know my story, but I was married to a multi millionaire for 15 years. And the more money he made, the more money he wanted. And he was never happy. No money. Nothing in the world made him happy. He ended up start. He started drinking and he became an alcoholic because he was like, oh, it's my hobby, leave me alone. Obviously ended up in tragedy. He died. Long story, but I agree with you. I don't think it's my. If you're not happy internally and if you don't deal with your issues, no money, of course, money is great, by the way, don't get me wrong. But if you don't deal with your own personal issues, no money in the world is going to make you happy. I totally agree with you.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

That's right. And there are some of these, you know, you could say fiscally poorest people in the world, right. That are really happy. They're peacefully happy and joyful and they have beautiful lives and beautiful marriages and they explore. And you don't have to be in Paris to explore and enjoy nature and the beauty of what is around us, right?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Oh, yeah, totally.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. So again, I just think it is about who are you? What truly matters to you at that point, when you really know yourself, what you want and it changes in a really pure way, then life is magical no matter what.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

You know, I have a lot of women that have a lot of money that will come to me and they'll say, you know what? I have all this money. They either inherited it from their family or, you know, through a divorce when they were married to a really wealthy man. And they'll say, I need a man that has this much or has the same amount that I have because I need to know. And I'm like, wrong answer. You might think that. But my dear, it doesn't. It's not going to equate to what you actually really want and deserve. Right. And then there are women that will just say, I just want love. I don't care what he has, as long as he's kind and good and Amazing. And those are the women that oftentimes end up the most, you know, the happiest. So.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, that is so true.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

This whole love thing, coupling thing, what we're attracted to. Our lists are being too picky. We have to be really careful about that. We have to check really deep with that. And. And I don't think that there's any such thing when you're in the right peace and frame of mind as being too picky. Again, it's. What are you being picky or selective about? It has to honor and protect you and your soul and your heart and bring joy if it brings that, my Lord. Be as picky as you need to be. But it needs to be right.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Look, I think that the more we live, right, because at least I get messages from women from all over the world in their 40s, 50s, 50s, 60s, and women that have been married for a long time, such as myself. I have friends like that. I just think the more we live and we become more mature and, you know, we. We are happier with our own lives. We know what we want. You. You are willing to tolerate less. You know what I mean? At least that's my case. So that's why I say, like, we get pickier. I think it's a good thing to be picky so you don't keep like. Because that. That ties to another subject, right? Which is the famous people saying, oh, I need a partner. I need a partner. There's a lot of women, right? They feel like they're. They cannot be happy until they find a part. And I don't think it's right to need a partner. I think it's more about wanting a partner. I personally think you need to be happy with your own life first. I don't think if you're unhappy, somebody's magically gonna come into your life and just fix all your problems and make you happy. Do you agree?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. Well, you know, you can have moments of that that actually can serve as a great question, Kat. You can have moments of that that can actually create an opening for healing and more self awareness and self love had you not, you know, so you. What I'm saying is you could be in a really broken state. You could be in a really aspiring state of depression. You could have a lot of unresolved trauma, and you can have. And it doesn't have to be even a romantic partner, but it could be right. You could meet this amazing man or woman that just sees into you and sees a part of you and a beauty in you. You've never experienced anyone seeing that you didn't even know existed. It can also come from an amazing friend. It can just another human that all of a sudden sparks something in you that sort of wakes it up and it's like, wait a minute, oh my gosh, have I been living my life listening to and believing lies? Lies that I was told about myself as a little girl, as a little boy, from a teacher, a bully when I was a little kid. And it gives you space to trust that you really are a precious and magnificent human to start to do a different level of healing. You wouldn't be able to give yourself permission to before for. Does that make sense?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Oh my God, yeah. 1 million percent. Like I speak from my own experience. I was in this, like I said, I was in this miserable marriage for 15 years, being verbally abused all the time, sometimes physically abused. It literally took me 15 years to. To get out of it. I had to start my life over from scratch. And it's been a journey. But when you learn how to love yourself, put yourself first. Like I said, self love. You build a life that you actually like and enjoy. Then you're like, wait a minute, I'm not gonna tolerate this crap from anybody else. Right? And we hope that, I mean, I hope that every woman on the planet is in this place before they find a partner.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Amen. That's what they have to be. And again, that's what the love architecture pieces. That's what love design is. I think you have to be careful when, when going to a matchmaker or anything in dating, even online, even, even if it's on your own. Where are you and who are you first period?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

And yeah, I totally agree. So speaking of dating online, obviously it's, I mean, pardon my French, it's a shit show out there. A lot of chaos, a lot of phonies, a lot of fake people, a lot of men that just want one night stands. I know a lot of women just after their money. La la la la la. I think it's a necessary evil sometimes, right? Because you could meet someone that otherwise you would never meet. I do think it's like finding a diamond in the sand. But of course I get this message time and time and time again and I have tr. Like, oh my God, I get so burned out. I cannot deal with this anymore. It's just too toxic. I'm so tired of the lies and why do people do that? So what do you have to say to those who are like, just, oh my God, I want to find love, but I cannot deal with this chaos anymore.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Again, it's going back to what you and I have been talking about the whole time. You know, it's like you were saying earlier, when you are in a place where you have finally woken up to the truth of who you are, when you love and honor and value yourself, your radar is on a whole different level. And what is. You were saying? What you tolerate is completely on a different level. And so with that, you can date online. You can. It is exhausting because your option. There's too many options, right? Where the heck is your person? You know, out of these tens of thousands and, you know, millions of singles that all look quite alike and sound quite alike, but if that's the, the route you choose to take, it's just making sure that you are really, really in a space where you can kind of intuitively trust your inner voice, trust anything that sounds or looks like an orange or a red flag, and then not be afraid to be so raw and authentic when asking questions and then interpreting the response. Right. Whether it's online, it's texting, it's finally meeting in person, and don't be afraid to ask the tough questions with regard to, hey, you know what? How would you feel about me doing or running a background check on you? I'm happy for you to run one on me. I just need to know what this crazy world we're in that I'm sure you understand, you're actually truly legally single and available to fall in love, that you're like that felon, right? You're not going to come after my kids if I'm a single mommy, you know, so it's just, it's a space that can work, you know, My son, who's a matchmaker and very good at what he does, met his love of his life online, and she's a. She's amazing, but he also had an amazing radar because of what he does for a living. So. But it really, it. It's that what we have online for singles, and one of the reasons it's so messed up and so exhausting, aside from just access to too many singles at once, is that it's just. It's a microcosm of the reality of the world we live in. It's why we have the polarity and the divide, regardless of whether you're a Republican or a Democrat, why we are at war in this world, why people are fighting. It's all humans that haven't healed. And so now those humans, right? So now those humans that haven't healed are single, wanting to mingle, and they're mingling dysfunctionally.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. But I also think, Kaylin, let's say whether you're talking to someone on a dating app or through a matchmaker, whatever it is, like you said, if you are asking the tough questions, and I do think more people should ask the tough questions, I agree with you. Protect yourself. And if someone, like, freaks out or, or bails on you or doesn't want to answer, that's already the red flag that you need, right?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

That's the full answer. It's not even your answer. Yeah, yeah.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Not the one.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

And another thing that I think and I always tell my girlfriends and I. And I know this is not emotional, it's very matter of fact, but it works for me. Again, whether it's on a dating app or even with a matchmaker, I do a list of, like, non negotiables. You know, I think everybody should have a non negotiable list. 1, 2, 3, 5 things. And if you meet someone and one of those things is not on your non negotiable list, like, why would you pursue that? You know what I mean? Like, let me give you an easy example. You're welcome to disagree with me, but I'm gonna give you an example. One of my non negotiables is I want to live in California, period. I love to live in Beverly Hills. I made the mistake of moving for my husband. La, la, la, la. I don't mind traveling. I don't mind going back and forth, but I don't want to marry a guy that's gonna drag me somewhere else. So if some guy tells me, she's laughing. If some guy tells me, oh, I want to retire in Montana or I want to buy a cottage cabin in Maine When I'm 70, I know that guy's not my person. So I'm like, why am I gonna persuade Suit? She's shaking her head no. Why am I gonna pursue something that I know is not what I want? Okay, go for it. Because I. It sounds like you don't agree with me at all. She's like, shaking her head, no, no, no, no.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

I've been doing this for too long. Okay, so what that is, is that still coming from a wound and control and safety?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Why do you think that?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Well, because you equated it to. I moved forward and I'm not going to move again for my blah, blah, blah. So here's. Here's what I found. And it's funny. When you first started, before you got into the story or a little bit of the backstory. I was going to say we have to be really, really careful and mindful again about the non negotiables because it. Yes, you absolutely have to have non negotiables, but what are they? And let's check in with. In fact, I'd love to do some big fun thing with you with a bunch of women all at once.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

To go through that. And let's really check in with what should and should not be a non negotiable. So they're not getting in their own way, which most humans are in finding the right person. So here's what I have learned. Is that what everything you just said.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

With all due respect, please go for it. I love raw honesty.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Came from your ego, right? Ego and self protection. And I don't, I don't blame you. And the ego is there to protect you. That's its job on this planet. The problem is it gets a little screwed up along the way.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Well, let me ask you a question. You said it comes from my ego, but how about if this is what makes me happy today? So I put. You're saying no, no, honey, here's why.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Because here's what I absolutely know. Period. The end. Because again, I've been doing this for almost 30 years. Well, actually 30 years in October. This last.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Wow. Congratulations, by the way, because I know it's a very tough business. Thank you. Oh, my God.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. So when you finally find your person, the most people dream and fantasize about, but something inside of them doesn't really believe that it actually could happen because they've been so hurt or they don't really know anyone or many people at most who actually have what we want. We then put these parameters on, which then ends up blocking it. But here's what I promise you. Once you find your person, you could care less. I don't care how successful your career is right now. I don't care how comfy your home is right now. If I'm not joking, if your guy is in the middle of freaking Alaska.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I'm not gonna go to Alaska.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

No, I promise you. I promise you. Just listen. I promise. Because again, and it's funny too, because it's usually my clients that have their heels the most dug in, that will be like, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that. And it's the most hilarious thing. They're the first ones to excitedly pack their bags, give up their everything. That's for me. I know. We're gonna have to meet when I come to LA next time.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, please, I would love to meet you in person.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

But no, when you have your person that is truly, I mean to really think about that, where they are safe, they are sexy, they are fun, you are fully yourself, you connect. Everything in life is magical and it's an experience and an adventure. You'll go anywhere and everywhere and the.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Thing back and forth, back and forth.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

So that's, that's fine.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

That's right.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

So that's.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Well, let me ask you a question then, Kaylin. For women out there listening, that's important.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Can you tell me, so what would be reasonable things that we can put on the non negotiable list? I personally think it's anything that's really important to you.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Again, but you have to know, is it important to your ego? Because here's another quick example. I had the most amazing, like truly amazing man catch come to me, me, one of the most eligible bachelors in, you know, the US and he never been married, no kids. Made sense. Early 30s. He's like, I want a woman who's never been married, doesn't have kids. I want this. And I'm like, absolutely. Long story short, the woman I ended up matching him with that he fell madly. They're still happily married. It's been 20 some years now, right? Like happily, happily married. Most amazing family. She had four kids, four little kids and they got married at Disney World with the kid.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Look, I believe it happens. But so again, walk. What is reasonable for us to put on a non negotiable is like, is it reasonable if you are into a healthy lifestyle and you take care of your body and you work out, isn't it reasonable to say I want somebody with the same lifestyle? Listen, we want to learn. We are here. Like I said, I always say, I'm not an expert. We're here to learn, right? It's an open communication so we can date better and not make the same mistakes again. So you don't have to agree with me.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

So the healthy lifestyle again. I mean, I've literally, literally worked with thousands of singles right, over all of these years from all over and all different backgrounds and I've seen such beautiful love and amazing love stories. So with so an unhealthy, to me, an unhealthy or non productive lifestyle that one should not get involved with at the time is someone who has a strong addiction, an addiction to alcohol and a known addiction to alcohol, a known addiction to drugs, a known addiction to you know pornography or sex. Something that really is harmful not only to the being and the soul, but to then would be to the partner in the relationship. But yet at the same time I've matched people. That one was a just an amazing, super healthy, fit exercise fanatic and another person who was super out of shape, ate a bunch of crap. They fell in love though. And now she's in the most amazing shape ever from being with them. And she's really healthy. Right. But they connected and bonded on a different level. So in other words, do you think.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

The more open minded someone is, the better off they are in terms of, terms of finding the right partner for them.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Again, open minded in the right way. And we don't even have to worry about what it means to be open minded or what our non negotiables are when again, going back to the beginning of this conversation, we have actually fully, truly met ourselves. We really know our value, we really love ourself. Because now again, you're just hovering on a different level of awareness. You're attracted to different types of. You couldn't believe you'd be attracted to. It really shifts and you're so happy. But Kat, most humans don't do that. And that's why we have this super high divorce rate. That's why we have these perpetual unhappy relationships and toxic relationships and unfulfillment. And I want to change that because it doesn't have to be like that.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

No, no, I hope we can change that. And I. Look, I completely agree with you.

[Blue Apron Narrator]

You.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I want to ask you about the age issue and let me explain again, a lot of single women, and I even have girlfriends, but I hear that all the time, they're like, I'm talking about women in their 40s, 56, they're like, oh, all men my age, they want young girls in their 20s, all the. I think that's the excuse they make because I personally completely disagree. I think maybe men going through a midlife crisis or players and crap like that, okay, they want the 20 year old bimbo. But I think solid men, they want a woman that will be their match physically and mentally. Right. I, I always use Jeff Bezos as an example. Right. He fell madly in love with Lauren, who is 56 right now. And she's a woman that had a lot going on and she's age appropriate. And I think if you look at the most successful men in the world, they're married or in relationships with women that are age appropriate. So what do you say to these women? They're like oh, I'm not gonna. I have a friend here, one of my neighbors, she's like, I'm not gonna bother dating all men my age. They just want the beams. I completely disagree. Do you agree with me on this one?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

On this one?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Please.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah, I do. I believe. Thank you for that. I agree with you 100%. And. And you are correct. And once again, it is about the kind of. Well, it's about the kind of men that they're going for. Right. So the kind of men they're going for, if the men are primarily looking for a much younger woman for sexualized, which is what it usually is, it's either sexualizing them. I mean, I get the male, blah, blah, but it's also sometimes men who feel afraid, afraid of aging, and they see, you know, at the time that they have left on this planet, narrowing. And there's a. There's a kind of a vivacious energy and youth that young women bring to them and vice versa. But we want to be really, again, careful and mindful as to what is the reason. Typically, it's the sexualizing. It's the. It's the wounded men that are needing something from a younger woman to feel, whatever. It's very sadly, unfortunately, transactional, not fulfilling. I could write a whole book, and I kind of want to at some point because, you know, over all of the years, I've heard so much from the younger women that have been in or are in relationships with men that are even as little as 10 years, but 10, 20, 30 years difference, and they just come in and vent to me. And if these men and their big egos, through their brokenness, heard the truth of what these young women really think, feel, and say behind the scenes, it's not so flattering. It's not so good. And I think it needs to be heard. Not to put these men in their place. It's not that. It's to wake them up and to hopefully get them to. To call them to a higher sense of self. Because going back to what you said, yeah, the good men that are really ready for love in a relationship, number one, they really do want a woman closer to their age. They just do. They find it the sexiest, to be very honest with you, because of the emotionality, the relatability, the intellect, the commonality. They love that. And so I think, yes, it is very important that women know that and understand that. And when one thing that men always say that they find sexiest in a woman is the truth of her confidence, really. So there are women. Yeah. That other women could judge and say, well, why is he with her? She's not that attractive. Or she's not in that great of shape, or she's. Well, I promise you, there's something pretty darn magical about the connection they have behind the scenes. And he's like, she's freaking hot. To me.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I do think, and I. I'm saying, saying that from my own experience, right? Most successful men, and of course that includes most wealthy men, they are attracted to women with a brain, like, at the end of the day, they. Because they want. I know, because that's the reason why my husband married me. And I know a lot of people think because he was very rich when I met him, way richer than me. But of course, he was surrounded by the bimbos and the sugar babies and la, la, la, la, la. But then he met me and I had a lot going on my own. Right? Right. I put myself through college, I had my business, I had a lot of stuff going on. And I didn't need him for, you know, I was already a citizen. So he got super attracted to the fact that I was different from all the other girls. So I think at the end of the day, all these girls that are after men just for their money. Lala, I always say the more you have going on in your own way, right. The more likely you are to attract a partner that has a lot going on. Right?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

100%. And I think it is so important too. It just breaks my heart, you know. You know, these young women that are going after the men for the lifestyle, for the money, that they're really, really devaluing themselves. They're dumbing themselves down and they're also actually. Because again, I hear it over and over and over again, even from the men, and it's. And sadly, they're so replaceable and they're typically replaced for an even younger woman. So you could be the younger woman who happened to, you know, pounce into the life and sometimes even into a marriage, breaking up a marriage, then the man is with you. And then the next thing you know, unfortunately, another little hottie comes along exactly your age or younger or sometimes 10 years older than you, and you're like, wait a second, am I not the young? And the man is over there? So we need to really. We need to. Well, we don't need to, but I really want to inspire women to find the truth of their real beauty, like what that really, really means and what the kind of man they really want in their life will see. I want them to find that and to know that and to honor that so they can have what they deserve when it comes to love and partnership, but also so women can start being nicer to one another and stop being so damn competitive.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I know. That always breaks my heart. Listen. Yeah. I'm so glad you said it because I'm all about women empowerment. I think together we are so much stronger. So when I see any. It has happened to me a million times, as I'm sure it has happened to you. Right. When I see women putting the other one down and trashing, and I'm like, oh, my God, why do you do that to each other? That's, like, so nasty.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Right?

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

But before we run out of time, I want to ask you two more things. If we can squeeze it in. I think I want to talk really quickly about men going through divorce. To me, I always say, red flag, don't do it. Because in my experience and the experience from doing the show for five years, most men that are going through divorce, or if they tell you like, oh, I just got divorced a year ago, oh, I just. I'm signing the divorce. La la la. They are not. I'm saying most. They are not ready for a relationship yet, and you end up getting burned. They are usually the ones that are going to be the player. You know, they're usually the ones that are gonna feel like, oh, my God, there's so much variety on the dating ad. Do you agree with my. My take on the divorce situation or you think it's an exaggeration?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

I think it's case by case, Kat, because there are men, just as there are women that were in really, really lonely, loveless, sexless marriages for many, many, many years. And that, you know, they kind of checked out a long time ago and their wife had checked out a long time ago. They're starving. They're a sweetheart and a good man craving to love and to be loved. So I think. So there's that man. And you still have to take it slow. You still have to be careful. But there have been some really lovely men that have married, you know, a year after divorce or even six months after divorce, and they're amazing husbands and they finally have love.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

So it does happen.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

It's this. It does. Absolutely. It does happen. But I think also at the same time. Yeah. When men are like, crazy and a dog with the tongue out and they're.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Like, oh, my Lord, look at all.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

The options, that's also part of the healing period and the self identification process and realizing what it's like to date again. And what women are like today after being in a marriage for a long time, that they need to go through to a degree and then, you know, and then bring it full circle and.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Wind it back in.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

You do want to make sure if you've met someone that is newly divorced or, you know, whatever, that you have that conversation again. Part of the hard conversations. Hey, have you had a chance to get out there and really date? I'm glad you like me. I'm glad you think I'm attractive. And it seems like we have a lot in common, but I want you to get it out of your system. Right. And some men will be like, oh, my gosh, that's so cool. I love that you said that. Yes, I have gotten it out of my system. System. And in fact, I'm. In fact, I'm dealing with a new client right now that said, I'm freaking exhausted, Kaylin. I've dated every. I can't handle it. I just want love. And then there. And then there are men that will say, you know what? Thank you so much for bringing that up. That's super cool. Yeah. It makes me like you even more. But I don't need to do that. I've. I've known for a long time what I want, and, you know, I'd like to see if it's you I love. I think what you have to careful of is it's not so much if somebody is so newly out of a relationship, it's what is your relationship with them? And not going so fast, because here's right, I've told my kids this. If you found the one, they're not going anywhere.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, I know. Take your time dating them, getting to know them. Right. That's what I love. The, the, the. The initial dating and the romance and the dates. I know so many people, they rush and I actually really like. Yeah. Enjoying the beginning. Getting to know someone for sure.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. Take a road trip. Yeah.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Before I run out of time. Because I think this is really important and I know it's a long conversation. Let's try to condense it. Of course, a lot of people say, you know, and I think it probably happened with almost all of us, that I've been. Been burned, I've been hurt, I've been cheated on. So a lot of people end up transferring because like you said, they don't heal, they don't work on the trauma. So they, they end up transferring all the trauma towards the next one. Like, let's say a guy, the wife cheated on him, whatever. So he has this image like, ah, yeah, all women are, they're all gonna cheat on me or vice versa. You know, if the woman was with a partner that lied to her and she's like, oh, all men are pigs. You know, is there a way I. Maybe not, but is there maybe one or two simple steps to like make sure you don't keep bringing this bad situation. Just because something bad happened to you, I don't think it means the next person is going to do the same to you. Right. So you open your heart a little more to finding love again.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah. Yes. So it is, first of all, if you know you are a good person who doesn't cheat, but you were cheated on, but yet you have the attitude that all people are then cheaters and you can't trust, then you're going to be wound so tight, you're not going to be able to give an opening or a space for someone really good to come in. You also have to just calm down, go within and realize, okay, well wait, I'm not a cheater, I'm a good person, I'm loyal. So if I exist, there must be at least one more person out there. So. So that can kind of calm the senses in a sense. But then at the same time it's going back to the hard conversations, it's going to being really real with somebody. It's not that just showing up as your best representative with the mask on saying and doing all the right things and being afraid of turning someone off. No, no, no, don't be afraid of that. Because again, the things that you could do that could turn one person off actually turns another person on because they're like, I love how Ron real you are. You're showing me you're someone I can trust and talk to about anything. I can get to know you, you can get to know me. And so if you're going into relationship and you say, hey, you know, I have to be honest, I came out of a relationship where this person wasn't faithful or this person was like this or they were like this and I'm really scared that I'm going to have that again. How do you feel about that? Also their answer will tell you a lot, right? If they're, their response will show you if you have met another one of those because there will be a unique twisted is, you know, the overused but important term gaslighting will happen, the diverting, you know, diverting will happen, all these things. And so once again it's like, you know, not to plug myself, but I'm going to say literally, it's why design plug.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

You deserve it. You do amazing work. You. I. Listen, I could do three hours with you. Like, I have 10 million more questions. I'm gonna have to invite you back.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Thank you, but no. I. You know the reason I designed mylovedesign.com it's a lifestyle, dating and wellness platform that has an educational component to teach people the very things you and I have been talking about. You build your love house. You go through 17 steps of fun and intense homework to really look at the truth of who you are, where you you are at, how well do you know and love yourself while you're also meeting singles that are vetted on my platform. So, yeah, nothing else exists like that and we're just slowly populating it organically. No bots, no fake profiles. But at the same time, it's really, again, just about loving and knowing you and knowing all. I hate to call it the tricks of the trade, but it's true. The tricks of the trade that are actually not tricks, they're just true identifying processes and experiences that allow you to see people in the correct way, to hear them in the correct way. It's not to shame someone. If someone is a. To you, they're not a bad person. They're a super wounded person.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

I think it's usually about them. Yeah, it's usually.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Oh, it's always, always involved. It doesn't make them bad, but that means they're not bad. They're. But they're bad for a relationship at that point. And you gotta love on you first. You just gotta love on you first. And then again because when you do, you've got a lot of love for someone else.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Yes, I love that. And your book is real love right now. I started reading last night. I'm almost done. Congratulations on your incredible work, guys. If you're listening to the audio episode, all the links are here and same here on this YouTube video episode. So go check it out. Thank you so much, Kaylin. Your work is incredible. Thank you for your very savvy advice. And I always say that's my opinion. Nobody should give up on finding love. Just no matter what happens to you, keep going because it's worth it, right?

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Yeah.

[Blue Apron Narrator]

Yes.

[Kat (Podcast Host)]

Thank you so much. I'm sure I will invite you back. I'm going to have hundreds of questions for you guys. Be safe out there and I will see you very soon. Thank you again, Kayin.

[Kaylin (Celebrity Love Architect)]

Thank you, Kat. A pleasure.