The LOVE ARCHITECT - KAILEN ROSENBERG

Summary

Kat on the Loose

Episode: The LOVE ARCHITECT – KAILEN ROSENBERG

Date: March 18, 2026
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Kailen Rosenberg, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert

---

Episode Overview

In this refreshingly candid and insightful episode, Kat sits down in-person with acclaimed matchmaker and relationship coach, Kailen Rosenberg (“The Love Architect”), for a raw, spirited conversation about authenticity, standards, dating challenges, and the realities of finding love today. Together, they dig deep into the dilemmas many single women face, tackling controversial issues from self-presentation to honesty in dating, societal expectations, and breaking toxic patterns.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Authenticity vs. "Marketing" Yourself in Dating

Timestamps: 02:09 – 05:53

• Kailen emphasizes the importance of being authentic, explaining that how one dresses and presents themselves signals self-value but should not be about changing core identity for the sake of "marketing."
• Kat pushes back, encouraging women to present themselves as they genuinely feel comfortable, saying, “Whoever I meet, if all they see is my boobs, they're not the guy for me” (05:26).
• Kailen clarifies her point: presenting authentically is essential in a world flooded with filtered versions and inauthentic images, but it's also human nature for people to react to visual cues.

Notable Quote:

"It's crucial to be 100% fully who we are, because that is... the way that we really spiritually and energetically attract the right partner."
— Kailen Rosenberg (05:53)

---

2. Judgement, Self-Value, and Why People Pretend

Timestamps: 08:05 – 11:08

• Kailen discusses human nature’s tendency to judge and the importance of being gentle with ourselves and others.
• She notes that most people instinctively judge by appearances, but the right partner values and appreciates you for who you are.
• Kat expands: “I think whatever it is that makes you feel like, oh, that’s the best representation of myself... that’s how it should show up” (07:47).

---

3. Honesty in Dating: Age, Interests, and the Cost of Small Lies

Timestamps: 07:12 – 19:42

• Both Kat and Kailen denounce the advice to “market” with little lies about age, lifestyle, or interests.
• Kailen states, “There’s something about dishonesty—don’t do it,” particularly rejecting the notion that women should lie about their age (19:12).
• Kat shares real-life anecdotes about dating men who lied about being dog-lovers, stressing the importance of up-front truth.

Notable Quote:

"It’s also not only disrespecting themselves that they can’t just be who they are, but it’s disrespecting you because it’s wasting your time."
— Kailen Rosenberg (18:49)

---

4. Women's Presentation: Empowerment vs. Objectification

Timestamps: 13:14 – 17:12

• Kat does an on-air “outfit test,” showing her date-night attire and sparking discussion about appropriateness, confidence, and self-expression in style.
• Kailen suggests certain outfits might be best reserved for later in a relationship, but ultimately agrees that individual comfort and authenticity trump rules.
• They address aging and style, advocating for women in their 40s, 50s, 60s to “own it” if they feel good.

Notable Quotes:

"Whoever your partner is... he should be proud of you."
— Kat Zammuto (11:08)
"It’s all energy. We really love ourselves, value ourselves... people pick up on that and treat us accordingly."
— Kailen Rosenberg (16:31)

---

5. On Sugar Babies, “Bimbos”, and Empowerment

Timestamps: 22:46 – 28:09

• Kat and Kailen discuss the “sugar baby” phenomenon and women who define their value by appearance or transactional dating.
• Kailen sees such choices as rooted in trauma and false empowerment: "It's a defense, a power and a control mechanism... learned from a point of trauma" (26:37).
• Both advocate for women embracing purpose and interests beyond being “arm candy” for men.

Notable Quote:

"We want to empower. We need to love one another and support each other because we’re powerful, we’re powerful people."
— Kailen Rosenberg (22:45)

---

6. Breaking Toxic Dating Patterns

Timestamps: 38:07 – 40:38

• Kat shares her personal journey of repeatedly attracting unhealthy partners, emphasizing the importance of recognizing patterns and setting non-negotiables.
• Kailen highlights self-love, boundaries, and professional help as keys to healing and change.

Notable Quote:

"When you are able to really see yourself, know your values, set your boundaries... then things shift, but until that, it doesn't."
— Kailen Rosenberg (39:11)

---

7. Non-Negotiables & “Trial Period” in Early Dating

Timestamps: 31:44 – 37:08

• Both agree that the first 90 days of dating are essential as a trial period. Real character emerges over time, not just in chemistry.
• Kat stresses the importance of a list of non-negotiables, backed by experience (“I don’t want a heavy drinker ever again” – 36:17).
• Kailen warns to remain flexible: "Pay attention to what [your non-negotiables] are... some get thrown out the window when you meet your person!" (37:08)

---

8. How to Tell if a Man Wants a Real Relationship

Timestamps: 45:08 – 49:58

• Kailen suggests the truth emerges over time—through consistent actions, meeting friends/family, and seeing both people in different situations.
• Quick intensity (“love bombing”) is flagged as a red flag, as are inconsistencies or reluctance to integrate you into their world.

Notable Quote:

"If it's your person, they're not going anywhere. There's no need to rush anything."
— Kailen Rosenberg (49:40)

---

9. Intimacy & Relationship Pace

Timestamps: 49:58 – 52:03

• Kailen and Kat agree that good relationships aren’t rushed. Waiting to deepen intimacy, including physical, usually leads to better outcomes.
• Both advise: If you’re left wondering or feeling anxious, it’s often a sign the relationship isn’t right.

---

10. Recovery from Heartbreak & Staying Hopeful

Timestamps: 53:52 – 55:14

• Using a Kate Hudson story, Kat champions the “thank you, next” mentality for those who leave or reject you.
• Kailen reframes heartbreak as an opportunity, “Anyone who leaves you... that was a gift. Thank them because they’re leaving you available for your person.” (55:05)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On real self-love in relationships:
  "Not going and doing yoga and eating healthy food... No, it's when you are able to really see yourself, know your values, you set your boundaries..." (39:11 – Kailen)
• Advice for handling ghosting/rejection:
  "If someone doesn’t want to be with you... there’s nothing to talk about, okay, bye." (54:23 – Kat)
• Encouragement for staying authentic:
  "You have to be yourself. You can only be that. And that's the only way that you are going to actually attract and find the right person for you." (16:50 – Kailen)
• On unhealthy dating behaviors:
  "Even the narcissist isn’t winning." (49:20 – Kailen)

---

Practical Takeaways & Advice

• Be Authentic: Don’t dress or present yourself in ways that feel inauthentic, even if it “markets” you better.
• Set and Honor Non-Negotiables: Know what you can’t and won’t accept, but stay open-minded about superficial dealbreakers.
• Time Reveals Truth: Take the first 90 days as a “trial period” and look beyond chemistry; pay attention to actions, not just words.
• Don’t Rush Intimacy: Real connections grow through shared experiences and communication, not just instant fireworks.
• Seek Support if Needed: If you find yourself repeating dating patterns, consider working with a professional.
• Value Yourself: External validation comes second to your own self-worth—live a full life and your energy will attract the right person.
• Rejection is Redirection: Anyone who leaves your life is making space for your real partner.

---

How to Connect & Next Steps

• Follow Kailen Rosenberg on Instagram (link provided in episode)—send in questions for future expert Q&A.
• Kat encourages listeners: Never give up on love; everyone has a “lid for every pot” (43:03).
• Episode ends with gratitude and warmth: “Never, ever, ever, ever [give up]! Thank you so much, Kailen. Such an honor having you on the show.” (56:12)

---

This summary skips advertisements and focuses only on the substantive content of the episode for ease of reference and maximum value to listeners.

Transcript

[Progressive Commercial Narrator]

Ever notice how life's best stories don't happen in your living room. They happen on the open road, out on the water, or parked under the stars. At Progressive, they get that you want to focus on the experience, not worry about the what ifs. That's why they offer quality insurance designed for your ride, whether That's a boat, RV or motorcycle adventure with confidence. Visit progressive.com and see how easy it is to protect your favorite way to get away. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in D.C. prices vary based on how you buy.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Score big savings this week at grocery outlet. Your extreme value headquarters. Dinner just got easier with 1 pound of 93% lean grass fed ground beef for just $4.99. Plan A nacho night with all the toppings or serve up a big pot of warm chili. The meal possibilities are endless when you can stock up without breaking the budget. This deal is only available until March 24th. While supplies last. Hurry to your local groc outlet today.

[Podcast Host]

Grocery outlet bargain market. Kaylin. Welcome to Cut on the Loose.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Thank you for having me again.

[Podcast Host]

I know. I'm so happy that we met in person and you are in Beverly Hills and you're able to do this because it's so much more cool than doing via video call, right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, I love it here. It's gorgeous.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So guys, if you don't know, she already did one episode and I fell madly in love with her work and we really connected. And so she. Because you. You. She doesn't live in Beverly Hills. You don't live in Beverly Hills. I do not. And you came to visit and do a bunch of your fant projects that you're working on and we had dinner, we had breakfast. We. We're cooking up a lot of stuff. So. Yeah. I really appreciate you being here again.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Thank you. It's nice.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So I have so many questions. All right, let's try to pack up as much because I know we were talking a little bit today, but I want to try to pack up as much as I possibly can. As you know, we get dozens and dozens of DMs. And I always say as much as I do the show, I'm not an expert. Everything that I tell people, it's my personal experiences. It's the things that work for me or don't work for me. But I'm not an expert. You're the expert. So I want to know your input in some of the issues that we've been talking about.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

So one of them that when we were having dinner, you Mentioned. And it's really interesting because I know this is very controversial, but you said that you think. Or Tell me if I'm wrong. There is a certain way that we should. Like, we're talking about single girls. There's a certain way that we should dress in order to attract the right guy. That maybe I send the wrong vibe because I dress a little too sexy.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah,

[Podcast Host]

go for it.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Tell me your opinion as I'm dressed like that.

[Podcast Host]

Don't be shy.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You know, really what I was saying is that we are the way that we dress. We are advertising ourselves. We are a constant representation of who we are, how we feel about ourselves, how we value ourselves. It's really whether we're going for a job interview. Right. So you could say, well, I'm. You know, I. So many people say that I should probably wear a suit or dress professional or professionally, but yet I've decided I just want to wear my bathing suit because, darn it, they should look at my resume. They should know that I'm intelligent, and if they don't get it, then F them. But there is kind of a subliminal code that is going on. And the reason that I brought it up specifically with you is that, you know, while you have a beautiful body, you have a beautiful figure, and you can wear beautiful and have beautiful clothing that hugs everything and shows a lot, you're also incredibly. I have to be so gentle and careful with how I say this.

[Podcast Host]

No, just.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It's not with you. It's for many women.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You are incredibly cerebral. You are very intelligent. You are very deep. You are very wise. You are an old soul. And so a man.

[Podcast Host]

Men.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Men are just men. Right. If they're with you or for the first time, they're probably going to just be, like, gaga over your boobs. As opposed to. Really. It's. It's just. It's human nature. As opposed to really seeing you and hearing you.

[Podcast Host]

Okay, so.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So my thought was just kind of like maybe. Maybe bring this up a little bit and.

[Podcast Host]

Okay, so this is the thing.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

But you're. Because you're not.

[Podcast Host]

I hear you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. You're not a sexualized person. Where some. And that's totally fine. Some are. But you're very cerebral.

[Podcast Host]

Well, but this is the thing. I think we can be both 100%. That was the interesting discussion we had. I personally. And again, this is my opinion. I'm not an expert. Obviously, what I'm doing has not been working very well for me because I'm still single. But I really believe women should be whatever way they want to be and they should wear whatever they want to wear. Of course not. Talk about a job interview. That's different. Because yeah, there are standards. But like on a dating or socially or going to a bar, like you even mentioned to me, like, oh, if a guy sees you at a bar, he might not approach or have the wrong idea about you. But I still think we should really be ourselves. I don't think you should change, quote, unquote, in order to attract someone. Because at the end of the day, it wouldn't be the, like if I put a turtleneck, it wouldn't be the real me, you know. So my message, yeah, because you could

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

still be just sexy as all get out and get a job.

[Podcast Host]

I would not feel like, like it's not you, it's not me. And at the end of the day, whoever I meet, if all they see is my boobs, they're not the guy for me, you know, but usually the guys that I talk to and everything, they realize that I'm a lot more than that. But I. My message to any woman out there listening would be do not change for like the marketing of dating the right person. But you actually think they should change, not change?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I think it's incredibly important, especially today, now more than ever, with so much inauthenticity. Right. With regard to all the filters, all the stuff that so many people are doing that are not presenting and showing who they actually are. Where people are shocked when they finally meet in person, they're saying that you do not look like or represent. It goes both for men and women, the person that I saw the photo of or whatever. So, no, it is crucial to be 100% fully who we are, because that is. You are right. It is the way that we really spiritually and energetically attract the right partner. But at the same time, we still have the reality of men and women, gay or straight, you're going to be. It's human nature biologically to be sexually attracted.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, but you want to date someone that you are attracted to. Right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Right. But as we know, we can be physically attracted to many people. We can have incredible chemistry, we can have incredible intense sex. And that does not at all make for a healthy relationship.

[Podcast Host]

I agree.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So really, you want to meet people here first. Between the heart, the spirit, the. The intellect, know that this is good or fine, but let's meet here first and then as we get to know one another, then we can reveal more. And I think that's even more sexy.

[Podcast Host]

And I think go Ahead, I hear you. But again, I still think it goes back to, you have to be. Because I know a lot of people do these little small white lies at the beginning of dating. Not cool. I've had matchmakers, relationship experts, and I use the term loosely as you know, because everybody nowadays calls themselves an expert. They're not like you with decades of experience that they say, oh, at the beginning, it's marketing and you should really market yourself. Lie about your age, lie about your height, lie about this. And I'm like, no, I don't want to lie about my age, about what I do, about what I look like or anything.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Amen.

[Podcast Host]

Right, Right. So I think part of how you dress, and some people could be the opposite of me, maybe some girls like the turtleneck and the pants and the corporate suits. I think whatever it is that that makes you feel comfortable, makes you feel like, oh, that's the best representation of myself. Yes, that's how it should show up.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yes. I'm just saying, though, you know, especially if you are heterosexual and you are wanting to attract a man and you have a sexy body and big voluptuous boobs, you can't be upset at the man. That's just going to be like, honestly,

[Podcast Host]

never happened to me. Like, of course they look. But every guy I date, they're like, oh, wow, yeah, you're really cool. You're really intelligent. You know that?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Well, then think.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Yes, but let's say. Hold on.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Let's say that you haven't spoken yet. Let's say he has no idea what's going on between here and he sees you from across the room. What I have heard, because I literally have. I've interviewed thousands of men, all backgrounds, all over the world. They share their deepest secrets with me and their thoughts and their feelings and the things they're ashamed of. I mean, I've heard it all. And men will say that. Yes. Well, I find, of course, this really attractive and this sexy and this, you know, this pulls me and draws me in when I'm really looking for the woman that I'm going to connect with and I want to fall in love with or potentially marry. I don't want to see somebody and go to someone that is going to be showing something to me and every other guy in the same.

[Podcast Host]

But that's not telling you what they say. And I understand and I maybe date like that.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You don't know.

[Podcast Host]

I do.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, okay. Well. Well, then I will respect that.

[Podcast Host]

You do. No, because I'm saying if a guy thinks that again, I would never change the way I dress from my guy. Like, my guy needs to appreciate the way I dress and be really sick. You know what I mean? So I would never date a guy that, like you said, if somebody judges me from across the bar and they decide who I am before they talk to me, they're not the person for me. And I know a lot of women feel the same way.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I think a lot of, though, honey, is human nature. I mean, we all, we have discernment and we judge even if we're not really judgmental people. We'll see somebody across the room, we'll see something a woman is wearing. And, you know, we can be the kindest person in the world, and at the same time, we can have a split second judgment. Oh, my gosh, look at that. Look what she's wearing. Look what he's wearing. Look at what they just said. Look at what they're eating. I think part of it is human nature.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I think we have to be a little more gentle with ourselves and one another that way. But I think as I get to know you more and more, I am in more and more agreement with the fact or of the fact that your guy is a very unique, special, cool dude. He has to be a really strong, very confident man. And he would absolutely find the fact that you love being and feeling sexy and showing that. He would find it just as sexy because he knows.

[Podcast Host]

Right? Yeah. Like, I, I know that's another conversation. Yeah. But there are a lot of women that say, you know, I like. That's what I like when I go out. I like to dress up. I like to wear short skirts. I like even like the aging thing. Right. As you're aging, people say, oh, your skirt should be longer and do this and do that. But nowadays, women look fabulous. In their 40s, in their 50s, in their 60s. Yeah. And they. We work out really hard. We take great care of ourselves. Like, hey, if I want to wear a mini skirt, guess what? I'm gonna wear a mini skirt. And I think whoever you're should be, you know, if it's your partner, he should be proud of you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And they would. I would hope they would be. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

With so many options for weight loss treatment plans, it can be hard to know what's the best choice, who to trust, what to know about side effects and if something's even going to work. That's why HERS offers access to doctor developed treatment plans that are personalized to you. Through hrs, you're connected with a medical provider who determines if Treatment is right for you. If prescribed. Your treatment plan is personalized to support you in reaching your goals. Plus you can access a range of treatment options like oral medication kits or GLP1 injectables. They even offer the convenience of 100 online care with licensed providers on the other side who learn your story and create a personalized plan to deliver healthy progress you can maintain. So no more yo yoing, just steady results. So feel like your best self again. Visit for herhers.comcat to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you. That's for hers.com Kat K A T for hers.com Cat Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchase. Yeah. So let's do a test. Okay. Be honest. Oh. Oh.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Only.

[Podcast Host]

So before we came here to the studio, because we're recording this. This episode at night. Yeah. I went on a really quick date. Really quick. Because. Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

So. Because a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to his friend forever and ever and ever. And I. I kept saying no for six months. So finally today I was like, yeah, okay, let's meet very quickly because I have to do the show. So I was literally with the guy for like 45 minutes. But I wore something that I would. You normally not wear on a first date, but I have worn this outfit on second. Third date. No, no, no. If you guys are listening to the audio episode, go to the. Our YouTube channel together. But I think that's an appropriate outfit.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And I.

[Podcast Host]

But I want you to say the truth. Okay. I'm gonna stand up. So you guys, forgive me. The audio is not going to be perfect.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

This is what you are.

[Podcast Host]

So. Well, I would have this coat on, right. Because it's. It's cold.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So I am a matchmaker and relationship expert. Oh, gorgeous. Oh.

[Progressive Commercial Narrator]

Oh,

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

wow. Okay. Are you showing it from behind? It's the behind, sweetheart.

[Podcast Host]

Well, because it's a bodysuit. I mean.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Okay. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know, and I know it's very revealing, especially here in the studio with all the lights. Right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yep. You got a good butt. Okay, so what do you. What's the question?

[Podcast Host]

So you would think this is not very appropriate for a date.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No. Not a first date. No. When you're.

[Podcast Host]

How about a second date or a third date?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Again, this is what I told you on the way here. I was coaching a married couple, so I deal with all things love and Relationship. I'm like tongue tied. Love relationships, what works, what doesn't work, human behavior, trauma. All of the things that play into what creates discomfort and dis. Ease in all relationships. Yeah, right. Dating, predating after dating, marriage, whatever. So I've been doing this. Yes. For 30 years. So no. I would say. When would I say that that would be appropriate? When you are committed.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

When you are in a committed relationship with each other and with your guy. Who is your guy? He'll already know you like to dress like this. And so you'd be like, hey, babe, look what I'm wearing. And he'd be like, yeah, if you even make it out of the house. And then. And he'd be like, let's go.

[Podcast Host]

But I'll tell you that me and a bunch of my single friends here in LA are in trouble because we always go out like this.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Okay. I would not, but that's my two cents. And I know I saw you go off on me on your. On your Instagram. I'm like, oh, she's talking about me with my.

[Podcast Host]

This is why this is such an important conversation. I'm not the expert. I was married for 15 years and I always dressed sexy, even when my husband met me.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Well, you're a professional model too, right.

[Podcast Host]

So it wasn't a problem. Like in my 20s, I was dressing. I always had the same style.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Sure.

[Podcast Host]

You know, I like. That's just me. And I have a lot of single friends that are the same. They love wearing little dresses they love. You know, I think the boobs and the colletage, it's such a beautiful part of our body. I don't see anything wrong in showing it off.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know, and I don't think we do it clearly and honestly. Clearly. But honestly, I don't think we're doing just for the guys we nowadays. My truth for me.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Amen.

[Podcast Host]

Do it for me. I love the hell I want from me. Yeah, but. And again, if a guy likes you, they're going to be comfortable with it. And if they don't like it, I think it's not your guy. Okay.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

That's why you got me. Yeah. I can soften the prior. No, no, no. You know, number one, again, I want you to be yourself. Be who you are. Absolutely. Love yourself, value yourself. Because again, as I say, oftentimes if people follow me or know, you know, it's the whole thing of we've heard over and over, we teach people how to treat us. It's all energy.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

We really love ourselves, value ourselves. We, we know our values. We have our boundaries in place. Yeah. People pick up on that energy and then they will treat us accordingly and in so many different ways. I'm not kidding. Even if they're turned off and repelled.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. I'm like, no, because the studio, like, the light is really bright. Right. It's different than being like.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It's good lighting, don't worry. But, you know, so the thing is, is that it's just. Yes. You. You have to be yourself. You can only be that. And that's the only way that you are going to actually attract and find the right person for you. But you asked me a question the other night and I said, well, if I were you, I'd probably.

[Podcast Host]

You probably toned out.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And that was toned down compared to this.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You were like a nun the other night.

[Podcast Host]

I'm joking. Yeah. No, I mean, I. Look again. I want anybody out there listening. Make up your mind. My message is just, I think you have to be yourself. And I say that for guys. The same thing. Like, no. And we're talking about the outfit. But it's not just about the outfit. I think any little white lie, like, oh, this is not really my style, or the age thing, or how much money you make or how tall you are, or like, I told you, it happened to me. My past two people that I started dating, they literally lied to me that they're dog people. Why would you lie to a dog mom who's obsessed with her dogs, that you're a dog person? Right. Because the second you're around my dogs, I'm going to know you're lying. So this is what I'm saying. Why do you think people do these things? Like, why would you waste somebody's time?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Insecurity. They have a little crush on you. They probably wanna be a dog person real fast to be with you. And it's unfortunate. A lot of people do that, Right? So a lot of people do that. I think they're showing up the way they think that you want them to show up so that they have a chance with you. But you're right, it does show up as inauthentic later on. Or they. They do become a dog person. They may not be one, and then all of a sudden they fall in love with your dog. No, I've seen it happen. And cats, I've had people that are like, I hate cats. And they think they love their. Yeah, they fall in love with the cats. So I think it's. It's. It's an unhealthy form of flattery because they're kind of saying, hey, you know, I like enough about you that I'm willing to kind of say what I have to say. But it's unfortunate because it's also not only disrespecting themselves that they can't just be who they are, but it's disrespecting you because it's wasting your time.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It'd be better to say, I wish I love dogs. I don't, because I really, really like you. But I'm, you know, I'm willing to try. Right.

[Podcast Host]

Just. That's different.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah, that's communication.

[Podcast Host]

Same thing. I had a really, really, really famous matchmaker. You know, she's. She came on the show twice, and I. She is adamant about the lie about your age in the beginning because of marketing.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Never. Ew.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No, no. There's something about dishonesty, and that's.

[Podcast Host]

Especially with women. Why do you think so many women are so terrified when it comes to telling their real age? Because imagine you start dating someone, right? And you say, whatever, I'm 37 and you're 47. If the person likes you, like, 10 days down a month down the road, they're gonna find out, and then they're gonna find out you lied to them.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So why do you think so many. It's such a stigma for women that they think they have to lie.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It's a. Well, it's. It's not only a stigma. It, again, goes to that when we are just genuinely ourselves, we will attract the right person for us. And so we have, you know, this stigma, especially here in Los Angeles, and that, you know, if you have a man who's older and he's accomplished that, he only wants younger women. But I will tell you that there are so many men that I work with that are in their 50s, 60s, 70s, that will say, yes, of course, say, you know, yes, I'm a. I'd love to be with a younger woman. But if I were to find or you were to introduce me to an amazing, extraordinary woman who's 10 years younger, five years younger, my age, or even a few years older than me, and she's kept herself in amazing shape. She takes, you know, he better have taken care of himself and be in good shape as well, My Lord. You know, I think it's gotta go absolutely both ways, but at the same time, it's just that women have gotten to a point of where they are competing in their minds with youth, with the former youth, with what they think they need to be. And men do the same thing too. There are men that want to be with younger women that will lie and say they're 10, 20 years younger than they are and it's no place to. And no way to start any relationship. Just not be who you are and know that in the end you're going to end up with the right person and all of the age doesn't matter in the end. What matters is you love each other, that you love each other, you see each other, you're buds, you know, I mean this life is too precious to do it with the wrong person. We all know.

[Podcast Host]

And I also think, at least that's my experience, the guys, the older guys in their 50s, their 60s, even 40s, the really successful ones that want a relationship, they want an age appropriate.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

They do, they're turned off by younger women.

[Podcast Host]

Are the having a midlife crisis, have something up going on their head. But the serious ones, I mean, what is a 6 year old gonna do with a 20 year old? Right? Well, all the transactions. But I'm saying like the super successful business guy, like the investors, the guy, they're going to travel, they go to business dinners, to business meetings. Right. To conferences. They want a partner that is not going to embarrass them, that's going to keep up, that knows what's going on. Right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yes. I mean it has to. I'm spiritual in the sense I believe in, you know, kind of old souls, younger souls. You know, you can have a 21 year old that has a soul, is an old soul and she's so much, she can be as mature as a 40, 50 year old woman. And you can have men that are in their 70s and 80s and they act like a 25 year old. And now in a fun way. Yeah. So there are so many different things. I do want to make a comment though. You know, just a moment ago when you said, you know, you called another woman or referred to some women as bimbos and I think that we have to be. When I said earlier, we all judge and I know your heart already, I spent some good time with you. You have a beautiful heart. You are, you're one of the least judgmental people I know. But we can see how quickly like the term oh, bimbos about other women slipped out. I think we have to be really mindful about how we are really seeing one another, lifting one another. Especially as women. We need to love on one another another and support each other because we're powerful, we're powerful people. One million and that's one of the things that creates kind of that competitive.

[Podcast Host]

However, and. And I mean, I don't believe in competition.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No.

[Podcast Host]

Because I think what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine, and so forth.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, there are the bimbos. They're there. Yeah, the bimbo.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

What do you mean by a bimbo?

[Podcast Host]

Like, a girl that doesn't do absolutely anything. She sits by the pool all day. She expects a guy to pay all her bills. She thinks I'm beautiful, I deserve to be taken care of.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

They're usually. There are lots. And a lot of them. Admit it. Like, I just want to be an arm piece, you know, this guy should come and pay for all my bills. I do absolutely nothing. So it's just a term for. You can call. You can call them sugar babies, you can call them arm candy, you know, but there are tons of those. Like, they literally do nothing.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Nothing. They don't have a job, they don't have an interest. Just.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Does that make you sad, though?

[Podcast Host]

It makes me sad for them because I think it's a waste of a life. And I tell girls that all the time.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

We want to empower.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I would think even if you. Even if you have a partner that will pay for everything. Like, it was my case. My husband was way wealthier than me, and. And he insisted, you know, on. On taking care of me to the point that it became, obviously, an obsession. But I think the more you have your own interests and you do your own things and you have your own life, your own life, the more you're gonna attract a powerful part.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Well, so the women that are like that, they. They were taught that they learned that that was their value, and I think that that makes me sad. Right.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You know, even when you met your husband, who had a lot of money and he wanted to take care of you, you had a very successful career on your own, and you're educated.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And not everyone has that opportunity. I want to thank you for letting me say that.

[Podcast Host]

No, please. But I. Look again. I think it's a choice. I think it's a horrible mistake that a lot of women make doing absolutely nothing. It is.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I agree.

[Podcast Host]

And I meet them all the time, and I tell them, like, my God, I just remember something. You're not going to believe that. And I'm saying here for the first time, I just saw it, like, a few days ago on Tik Tok. I'm never going to remember her name, but this girl literally said, I don't know if it's true, because she was giving an interview on a podcast, and she said, men pay me to take me on dates. I am so beautiful. This man pay me money to take me on a date. So I am starting an app with this app, people that men are literally gonna go there and pay. Like, let's say you want to go on a date with me, you're gonna give me a 500 deposit for me to do my hair and my makeup and my nails. So I put my price there. And she was like, oh, and it's a beautiful thing because you already.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I mean, that's sad, isn't it?

[Podcast Host]

Very sad. Because I don't want to call it prostitution, but it's really close. Like, you're selling your time, you're selling yourself to someone. You never. There's a huge difference between if you're in a relationship, right? And the guy's like, oh, my God, let me treat you to abcd.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, you know, and again, aside from being a matchmaker, I really am very much. I'm a, you know, I'm a coach. I'm a spiritual coach. I'm a healer. And, you know, whether you're married or you're single. And so I really. I. I've come to a point after all of these years of really having a chance to dig really, really deep into the reality behind people and what's keeping them stuck from love and keeping them stuck and away from the best partner and relationship from them. And so, as you know, there's always a story that everyone carries and everyone has.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, but what would you say if one of these gold diggers, whatever you want to call them, sugar babies, bimbos, is out there listening and, you know, they justified, like, I'm beautiful. This guy should pay for everything. Do you have. As the expert, if you are coaching them right now, do you have a little something that you would say as like, a baby step to change the situation?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You can't really just start out with advice because they're pretty tight. It seems like the opposite. They're pretty tight in their body. This is actually. It's a defense. It's a power and a control mechanism. It's like all three in one that they've had to. Something has happened somewhere in their life, usually in the childhood, that was a point of trauma. And this is how they learned to be safe and be in control. And they've moved into the belief of that is power. And it is a certain level of power, but it's a false power. And so, if anything, they're gypping themselves in all these areas that they're excited about or proud of or they're showing off, and yet they're actually losing themselves and they're losing time. So typically, I have to. The minute I see any of that or. Or experience that, I have to go deep into the reality of, like, who are you really? How did you become this person that you are? When men are paying you to do this and also come from love, though, like, not judging. I want to know, because it actually does make me sad. And I don't mean that in a shaming way or a condescending way.

[Podcast Host]

I agree with you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It makes my heart sad. I could be their mama. Right. I could be their mom.

[Podcast Host]

No, I feel the same way. It's not even that. It's not so much judgment. It's more like because I love so much when women are doing something worthwhile, dealing with their life.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

It makes me want to shake them up and say, I'm sure there is something amazing you should be doing with your life.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

That's. That's why you want to empower. Yeah, exactly.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

But when we get stuck in something, when there's been a lot of pain to the point of where we. We cover it up and we mask. We get lost in that belief, and it owns us. And so all you can do is just kind of love on him and send him love and.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh. And because eventually it does come to a head, and we have that.

[Podcast Host]

I agree.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And they're typically not comfortable.

[Podcast Host]

I agree. I totally agree. Now, another question that I wanted to ask you. So you start dating someone, Right? Okay. The first. I don't think. I think most people on the first dates are not being their 100% their true self. Like, they're, you know. Right. You're, like, very formal, or you, like, try to be your best. The best version of yourself, so to speak.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

You're not, like, being completely like me. Like me. Yeah. I'm just completely transparent. But most people are guarded. Right. And. And you go slowly.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Sure.

[Podcast Host]

So this is the question.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How many dates do you think? I'm sure there's a rule, but how many dates do you think someone should be going out with someone before you're like, oh, my God, this is my person. I'm madly in love. That's it. Because I have friends, both guys and girls. They go, like, on three dates, I have a guy friend. Every single. I wish he was here right now. Every single girl he dates after like three dates, he wants to move them in. And she's the love of my life and it's the best sex ever had. And I'm like, calm down. Because I think it takes a period of time for people to really review themselves.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, man.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Here's the thing, because are we most often showing up as our best representative whether we're aware of it or not? Yeah. We want to present ourselves at our best and our best behavior and whatever it is that we think our assets and our gifts are. But the thing is that it's actually also. So to certain degrees, it's no one's fault. I did a lot of work with Dr. Harvel Hendricks and one of the things that he shared with me and I really was intrigued by was that we really only know even the most apparently so called self actualized humans really only truly know or understand about 20% of ourselves. That's it. Oh, well. So if we really only know about. Yeah. And there's about 80% of us, that's hidden. Right. It's hidden in cell memory.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It's hidden again in trauma. We've all had trauma to smaller or lesser or larger. Bigger degrees. And so we are doing our best to show up as authentic as we can in the moment. But you see the truth of who you are with not based on how great the sex is, how great the chemistry is, how fun the date is, how easy they are. Oh my gosh. I could just, you know, we finish each other's sentences. Oh, fabulous. That has nothing to do with a relationship. We see who you are when you're triggered. Right. And we are seeing a lot with a lot of relationship experts that we talk about the word trigger. Trigger, trigger, trigger. I say triggers are beautiful. They feel super uncomfortable. We hate them, we don't like them. They're. They expose so much. But the reason I think triggers are beautiful is it's always. It's a little teacher wanting to poke its head out saying, hey, this is an area where I have vulnerability and this is an area that I can actually learn to be close to be, to love, to be loved. And do you know what I'm saying? So, and it takes us. You need to have your first freaking fight. You need to have your first trigger. You need to be turned up. You need to be happy. Yeah. Because you need to see who shows up. So you think the representative of the

[Podcast Host]

way you're dating, you're dating for a month. I usually say, I think at least the first 90 days are just like a basic trial period.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh I agree. Basic training.

[Podcast Host]

Right. Like I could not imagine like for me the first 90 days.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Excellent.

[Podcast Host]

Because a lot of things pop within this 90 days. Right. A lot of little things that oh gosh yes. You know I have this thing and also same I've had people on my show tell me they think it's a horrible idea. I don't know if you agree or not. I think and I, I tell my audience and I don't know if I'm giving them good advice or not, but I say write a list of non negotiables. Non negotiables. Like things you absolutely don't want in your life.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Starting a brand can feel really intimidating. Right? I know. When I launched my body positivity brand Girly a la Mode, I honestly had no idea where to begin. I am so grateful I found Shopify because it's incredibly user friendly and made starting my little business feel simple and fun instead of scary. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines and even enhance your product photography. You can get the world out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And what if I feel stuck luck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. And did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions meaning less cards going abandoned and more sales for you. It's time to turn those what if gifts into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 a month trial today at shopify.comcatk80 go to shopify.comcat that's shopify.comk80 and I don't know if you guys know this about me but my mom was a chef and I grew up cooking with her and I really believe there is nothing more soothing, more delicious, more comforting than the smell of a home home cooked meal. But I know nowadays so many of us are so busy we don't have a lot of time for prep, planning, shopping. But with hellofresh we can do way more of that with recipes that feel good and taste delicious. So you bring everyone Together with meals that are simple and rewarding. Especially on a busy weeknight. You can choose from more than 100 recipes every week including cuisines from around the world. World you can choose from more than 35 high protein recipes each week including new Mediterranean and GLP. One friendly options feel great with wholesome ingredients like sustainably sourced seafood and 100 antibiotic and hormone free chicken. Because when dinner tastes this good, nothing hits like home cooking. This is why I use hellofresh and you should too. So go to hellofresh.com right now. Now/cat10fm hellofresh.com Kat Kat 10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free Zwilling knife. A 144.99 value on your third box offer valid while supplies last free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. Hellofresh.com/cat10fm and if that per so during this 90 you start dating someone, right? During this 90 days you want to make sure that not their behavior is not on your list.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So like for me for example, I as I was telling you, I started dating this dude. So on paper he was perfect, right? Successful attorney, wealthy, brainy, very intelligent gentleman. Perfect dates. La la la la la. But then all of a sudden, date after date after date, I realized he was a very heavy drinker. And that's a massive non negotiable for me because I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to have a freaking heavy drinker again. So finally I'm like okay, you're out. But this is something that you find out, right? You notice the person's behavior.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

That's right.

[Podcast Host]

In time.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

That's right.

[Podcast Host]

Do you think having this non negotiable? Because believe me, I had people come on the show and say, oh, you know, you're being too radical because what if the non negotiable, I'm like, like if it's a non negotiable, it means dating an alcoholic for me is never gonna change. I don't wanna do it again. But in general, do you think that's a good idea for single people to do that?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

To have a list of non negotiables? Oh, 100%. You have to be mindful of what they are. I mean my gosh, when I met my husband almost 30 years ago now at the time, one of my non negotiables, you can judge the cell you want. It is what it is. It was where I was, you know, I was, I was a born again Christian and I would never Ever in my life date or even think of marrying a Jewish man. Well, the second he's Jewish. Rosenberg.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

The second I met him, that was quickly outdoors, that was out the door and ourselves were like, hello. And you know, so we have to pay attention to what are these so called non negotiable. Right. I also needed, I needed him to be six foot something. He's five foot eight and he's the sexiest freaking five foot eight er. So pay attention to what they are. Yours is beautiful. Right. Non negotiables would be someone who is incredibly unkind, who is rude, who is disrespectful, who is showing signs of an addiction. It doesn't mean that we can't have absolute love and compassion for someone who is an addict or has addiction issues, alcoholism, whatever it is. We don't have to judge anyone. We just know. Oh, that's where my boundary is. That's not going to work for me in a relationship where I can feel safe and close. And so I'm going to lovingly set you free. Right. So. But you need to know what your boundaries are. Absolutely. And you need to honor them. Look, women who don't, or men who don't have to be sad because no, no matter what, it shows up later and it gets worse.

[Podcast Host]

Do you believe? I believe, at least in my experience, the universe will teach you the same lesson over and over and over again until you learn it's beautiful. Sucks, right? Yeah. Like in my case, like I said, I dated, I married an alcoholic, he was abusive, he was controlling all of these things. So after that I ended up getting tangled up the same type of man.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like I didn't even notice. I fell in the hands of somebody even worse that was a drug addict.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

It was somebody I know since childhood. It was the person I trusted the most in my life. And I ended up getting tangled up with him and he took advantage of me. He stole from me, he almost destroyed my life. Wow. So I kept repeating, then I went on to a narcissist and interesting. I only broke the pattern when I realized, ok, you need to write down on the list things that you will never accept in your life again.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Amen.

[Podcast Host]

And decide you deserve better because otherwise, until you learn that's the kind of person you're gonna get.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So beautifully said. And that is so true. It's like when we claim ourself, that's loving ourself. Right. Not going and doing yoga and eating healthy food. That's little pieces that are smart and important, but no it's when you are able to really see yourself, know your values, you set your boundaries based on that loving yourself, then things shift, but until that, it doesn't. And so that's when these types, these patterns continue. Like you said, to show up, it's really meant just spiritually to teach us to love ourselves and set our value. That's it. And then we have room for the right person to come in.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, but there are a lot of women out there and I get so many messages and they're like, I don't, but that's how I am. I mean, I love this narcissist. How do you. Is there. There are secrets, there are magical thing that you can do to break the pattern of dating the wrong person.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah, that's a lot of the work that I do. It's a lot of the coaching.

[Podcast Host]

So if it's really. So ideally, if you can work with a professional like you, I think you need to.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You need to.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You need somebody that you can trust that's really truly skilled and trained and also has compassion and knows how to see into you and to intuitively guide you and to get you in tune with yourself so you can also hear it because someone can talk at you and give you advice all day long. And if you can't feel it in your body and understand it, it's just in one ear and out the other. And that's nobody's fault.

[Podcast Host]

Totally.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

But it's. Yeah, it's kind of like they say, you know, when the, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

[Podcast Host]

Oh my God, I love that. And I want to emphasize that you have a ton of experience and like you mentioned, you've been married for a really, really long time and you're still madly in love. And I think this is so important because nowadays, especially because of social media, any person out there calls themselves, oh, I'm a dating expert. I'm a relationship expert. I'm a dating coach. And some, some, some of them charge a fortune. A fortune?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And it breaks my heart, number one, because don't part with your money, whether it's with a matchmaker, a coach, unless it's somebody extremely experienced, like it's your case, like you keep saying, because it's true, you've been doing this for decades and you have your marriage on top of it as receipt.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Which is one of the most beautiful things in the world because it's so rare nowadays to see a long lasting, happy, wonderful, loving marriage.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Sadly.

[Podcast Host]

And you know, my dentist theory that I told You.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

That's so funny.

[Podcast Host]

And I. Same thing. A lot of experts on my show say. But that's the dentist theory. You go to the dentist, right. A new dentist. And if he smiles at you and he has the most horrible teeth, like, all broken, disgusting, would you let him fix your teeth? Right. Or if you go to a personal trainer and this super obese personal trainer shows up and he's like, I'm gonna make you in fabulous shape, but I cannot do it for me.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So that's how I feel about expert. I think you need to walk the walk, and you need to have the experience. You. Obviously, you know what it takes to keep a marriage going for so long. Yeah. So I think that's really, really important that people know that before you decide who you're gonna use to help you and who you're gonna pay.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're just. It's. It's a relationship. Right. So no matter what kind of relationship you are in or looking to have, even if it's a professional relationship, are your values in alignment? Do you feel comfortable with this person? Can you be yourself? And do you feel that they're actually guiding you and helping you and that it's not. They need to be kind of a step or two ahead of you to be able to guide and help you?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So. But, yeah, there's a lid for every pot, and that is a meaning for many, many things.

[Podcast Host]

There is a lid for every pot. You promise? Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Good and bad.

[Podcast Host]

So even I have a lid.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, you have lots of lids out there.

[Podcast Host]

There for your. So this date that I went today was really funny because I always laugh. Right. And I think I told you that when I meet a guy and they find out I'll do the podcast, every single guy, they're like, oh, it's so cool. Yeah, amazing. And this guy had already Googled me because he's friends with my friend.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

This is the guy tonight.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So he's been Googling me for six months. So he shows up and is like, oh, yeah, I listen to your show. It's so cool. Blah, blah, blah. I love what you do. And then he said to me, that's the death sentence. He was like, but I have just one question. I'm like, what are you gonna talk about me and your podcast.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, my. I'm like, I mean, that can mean so many.

[Podcast Host]

I don't even know you, so.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

But you are.

[Podcast Host]

Right. But you got your way. But I was gonna say, I don't even know you, so there's no story. And I think if you have the right intentions and I date you, we're gonna say wonderful things about you. Right? Yeah. If you are a player or a boy or something, then y. Very likely you're gonna end up being a good story.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

True. Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Either way. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I guess they win, so. But to me, that, like, turns me off if they're afraid if they're gonna be talked about.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh. I thought he was kind of like, are you gonna talk about me? Did you.

[Podcast Host]

No. Like, concerned. You can ask anything.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, Lord. You're kidding.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Like, concern, like, wow, you're gonna talk.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I'm like, oh, goodness sakes.

[Podcast Host]

You know?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So that revealed a lot about him.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

To be honest.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Sorry. If you're watching and listening.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So if I was your coach, I would be dissecting that right now.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So call Kaylin. You need help if you want. I think every guy that's not confident enough, even you were saying, like, your husband doesn't. You've been here for more than a week. You're working. You're working on all these projects, and your husband is so proud of you. Right. I think every woman deserves a guy like that. I think everyone deserves a partner that is so comfortable and so supportive of everything you do. True.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. We each deserve that.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Absolutely.

[Podcast Host]

So.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Now, talking about the guys.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Is there a way? Or maybe not. And again, because I think the dating apps, Right. The quantity, like, the girls we were having dinner with last Saturday, they're like, oh, men are ordering women like doordash pizza. Right? Yes. No. Yes. No. Is there any way that we can find out whether or not a man we are meeting is actually serious about. I want a relationship. I want a partner. Or they're just, like, a player. They're just telling you everything you want to hear because, you know, they just. The famous, like, you know, men are hunters. They're chasing.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Is there a way that we can actually figure this out? Because that's a question a lot of women ask me, and obviously, I am horrible at it. I don't know how to figure it out. I always believe what people tell me.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

We should be able to. Right. It's sad that we're. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

It's sad that it's not.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Right. So, you know, I think it's going back to the showing up authentically, the representative, how well we know ourselves. We're also reacting. You could have a man that's saying he's absolutely very interested in finding his person. But if he's not found her. He's not going to behave in that way. But once he does find her, then he's ready and he'll show up in a way that the woman will know and she'll feel it. There are also men that are really showing that they like you, they're into you, and then all of a sudden, you do something that doesn't check the box for them and they're out of there. And that doesn't mean that they weren't really looking for a true relationship. Just not with you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So it really is going back to what you were saying. It's really about spending that great time with them, getting to know each other, experiencing different things, different people, meeting their friends. I say, as soon as you can, I'm not joking. Try to find some way to meet their mom, their dad, family, their brothers or sisters, their best friends. It is really true. The company we keep says so much about who we are, how we live our life, what we enjoy. Is that something you can move into. So it's not just the person that you want to connect with and meet and see how compatible you are, but that life and that lifestyle. So it's hard to know because everybody is different again. You can have a guy that's like, I'm not interested in falling in love. I don't want to be with anybody. I'm not ready. And bam, their woman comes along and they're asking him to marry him in six months. Months.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And it's legit and on the same.

[Podcast Host]

Right. Like the famous love bombing. The guy meets you and they're like, oh, you're the one in my life. You're amazing. You're fabulous. You're incredible.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And a lot of girls fall for it. Yeah. Very fast. And I don't think anybody can fall in love with you in 10 days.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Not genuine love.

[Podcast Host]

Right. You can fall in love with chemistry.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I mean, my husband and I literally fell in love with each other the night we met. We've been together other ever since. But that's very rare. It's very rare, right? Yes, ridiculously rare, I think, because I

[Podcast Host]

was watching on TV the other day, these two ladies here from California got swindled by the same guy. They met this guy online, and after 10 days, the guy's like, I love you. You're the woman of my life. Let's open a business together. Here's the bank account. Why? I mean, these ladies are wiring this guy, like, $50,000 after. I'm like, please, you know, I Would say that to any woman. If a guy's telling you after 10 days, like, I love you, let's move in together, let's share our bank account. That's a massive red flag.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No, well, yeah, it's a massive red flag. So it goes to the 80% of what we don't know about ourselves. Right. Or each other. And so what's often showing up when people are love bombing or they're showing up in a narcissistic way or a sociopathic way that goes to a deep wound again, and they're needing to feed something because they're trying to be fed back. They have a. They're coming with a massive hole. They're incredibly empty. And so they need to get a reaction or something from you to fill that up. And the only way that they need to. They know how to do it is by giving to you what they really didn't have. And they want and need, but none of it is authentic or pure. It's all a huge psychological, psychological game. And it's heartbreaking. It's really heartbreaking because no one's winning. Even the narcissist isn't winning.

[Podcast Host]

I know, the narcissist is very sick, right? It is very sick. In the handbrake. I think it's some. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but yeah. And the women, really tough.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

And the women that fall for it now, they have a big empty hole as well.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

So that's feeling really good. When someone says, oh, you're so beautiful. Oh, you're this. Oh, you're that. Oh, I think you're amazing. Oh, I just want to shower you with this.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No, no, no, no. You. You let them do that for you later, once you've had time. And you know that you want things from this person and you also have things to give in return. But take your time, go slow, there's no hurry. And if it's the right person, this is one thing I say too. Like, there's no need to rush anything. If it's your person, they're not going anywhere.

[Podcast Host]

I love that you're saying that. Including sex. Cause that would be my next question. Rushing intimacy normally backfires, right? Because, I mean, it is nature. I do believe men are hunted. I do. I do think they're exceptions, but in general, if you're dating someone and you have sex on the second date to the third date, in general, they tend to lose interest. Is that correct?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I mean, it depends on the man and the woman.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

You know, I'm A little more conservative that way. But at the same time I've met amazing couples. And that said, yeah, we were a one night stand, picked her up at the bar and they're madly in love years.

[Podcast Host]

But it's rare, right? It's the acceptance, Right.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It is the exception. It's rare. I don't recommend it again. Take time, just take time to give. This body is precious. Right. And on both sides. And it's like intimacy is easy, anybody can screw.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Let's treat it as something kind of special.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. No 1 million percent. And I love what you said. The right person is not going to run away. The right person is not going to get scared away or whatever is the word you want to use. I know I simplify and maybe I am simplifying too much, but this is how I see relationships in my head nowadays after everything that I've been through, I've dated the fuck boys, the narcissist, the abusers, la la, the cheater, the lie, you name it. Right. But nowadays I think it's kind of like in your successful marriage when two people want to be together. They're together, they're going to communicate, they're going to make plans, you're going to know exactly where you stand.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

If you are wondering, because this girl sent me this message every day. Oh, he ghosted me, he appeared, he disappeared, he's here, he's not. And I say all these things are your answer. If you are wondering and sitting by the phone and instead of like happiness and peace, you're feeling like this anxiety, these are your answers. Because at the end of the day it's really easy. If somebody wants to be with you, you are going to know.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Oh, 100% you're going to know. But I think also that anxiety that one might feel if someone's not giving them the attention they want or they need, ye not all on the other person you have to sit with yourself and say, oh my Lord, how am I giving so much of my peace and joy and power away that I'm needing to hear from this person or receive a text or whatever it is in order to feel okay in my body. Now that's your own work. That has nothing to do with a partner. And you don't want to put that on a partner. And not to be insensitive, but it's just kind of. This is a time to check in, talk to a girlfriend or friend that really knows you really well to find a great coach or a great therapist, do some healing, go, go into Prayer, meditate, whatever it is, and get really in tune with yourself and say, Say, what is this emptiness? What is this anxiety? What is this discomfort that I'm feeling in my body so I can get it to a place where it's really balanced and grounded. Because you should be at a point where you love yourself and you know your value so well that if you have a guy that you've met and you think that they're absolutely amazing, it goes both ways. Men, women, and all of a sudden. And you think it's great, you think the chemistry is there, but all of a sudden they don't respond. They don't show up. They don't. You should be able to stay so okay in your body that you're like, oh, well, they're either really busy and we'll see when they do respond, but in the meantime, I'm going to go call my friend. I'm going to go for a jog. I'm going to go work out. I'm going to be a dog.

[Podcast Host]

Go.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I'm going to take a, you know, bath. I'm going to. I'm going to shop. I'm going to travel. You got you.

[Podcast Host]

Live your life.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Live your freaking life.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy that you said that, girls. And I hope you listen. And that's when having a life, having a lot of things going on helps so much. Because if you're happy with your job, job, with your charity work, whatever it is that you do, you are not going to sit by the phone suffering and wondering, why isn't he calling me? Because you value yourself first.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Right? Right. And if you're not, bravo. Yeah. You're not a bad person. There's it just. You deserve to love yourself more and figure out why you don't. And you can get there.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I love that. And another thing, before we run out of time, one of my favorite actresses in the world is Kate Hudson, and she was on Stern, and he asked her, have you ever had your heart broken? She's like, yeah, of course I did. But she said something that I learned and I love and I agree with her. She's like, but if somebody tells me or told her in the past, I don't want to be with you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Uhhuh.

[Podcast Host]

She's like, okay, thank you. She turns out that's what I do nowadays. Like, if I'm dating someone and they disappear.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I'm like, okay, whatever.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Not your person.

[Podcast Host]

Exactly.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

It's so.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. But. But there's no point. But why, like, try to feel it's so humiliate. And we've all, believe me, guilty. We've all done that. But it's so demeaning. It's so humiliating. If someone doesn't want to be with you, like she said, there's nothing to talk about. Okay, bye.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

No, it's true. And here's the thing, too. In fact, I just had this recently with a gentleman I was coaching, and he's like, well, you know, shoot, I let the right one get away. I said, no, you didn't. She was the right one. She'd be here. Exactly. Anyone who leaves you, breaks up with you, does anything that leaves you in a space of being alone and single again, that was a gift. Thank them because they're leaving you available for your person that's waiting for you, looking for you, wondering where you are to come along.

[Podcast Host]

On that note, don't give up on love. No matter how horrible someone was to you before, don't give them that power because your person is trying to find you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Amen. Always, always, always. You're looking for them. You're wondering. They're doing the same. They're wondering where you are.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, my God. I think you're so amazing. Like, your. Your. Your advice is really real. It's really on point.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host]

I am so grateful the universe united us.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And, guys, if you, like, love Kaylin, follow her on Instagram. I'm putting the link here to this episode and send us your questions because you're gonna come back hopefully, right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

I would love it.

[Podcast Host]

I would love to have you come back because I get a lot of questions, and like I said, I'm not an expert. I just say what works for me or what doesn't work for me, you know?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Clearly we are all learning. You know, this is not a show, like, I'm an expert. This is literally like an open conversation. So we all learn together. But I appreciate your insight side so much. It's really on point, and I'm very grateful. Thank you.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Happy to be here with you.

[Podcast Host]

You are a sweetheart. Guys, be safe out there. And I think no matter what, never give up on love, right?

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Never. Never.

[Podcast Host]

Never, ever, ever, ever. Thank you so much, Kayla. Such an honor having you on the show.

[Kaylin, Matchmaker and Relationship Expert]

Thank you for having me.

[Podcast Host]

And I'll see. Okay. And I'm going to go cover up and I'll see you guys again very soon. Bye.

[Progressive Commercial Narrator]

Ever notice how life's best stories don't happen in your living room? They happen on the open road, out on the water, or park cars at Progressive, they get that you want to focus on the experience, not worry about the what ifs. That's why they offer quality insurance designed for your ride, whether That's a boat, RV or motorcycle adventure with confidence. Visit progressive.com and see how easy it is to protect your favorite way to get away. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates not available in dc. Prices vary based on how you buy. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It Gaming team take on Gilly Da Kid King and Wallow. Two $67 million gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against NEO right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games.