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- [00:01]
Abby Rosemarin
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree. Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man. Santa.
- [00:07]
Cat Zamuto
Santa, did you get my letter?
- [00:08]
Abby Rosemarin
He's talking to you britches. I'm not. Of course he did. Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus? I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.
- [00:32]
Cat Zamuto
Or give it as a gift.
- [00:33]
Abby Rosemarin
And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes. Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier accounts. Financing agreement 256 gigs, $830 eligible board in a new line, $100 plus a month plan without our PayPal taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.
- [01:00]
Cat Zamuto
Visit t mobile.com my guest today, Abby Rosemarin is a super talented writer. She has several fantastic best selling books out there and her latest book, the Year of Dating Myself really resonated with me because I'm a huge advocate for men and women taking a break from the chaos of dating if things are not going great and literally focusing on yourself. I have done it. He has done wonders for me. And Abby obviously took an entire year to dedicate to herself and the results are in this fantastic book. I hope you guys enjoy my great conversation with the adorable and super talented Abby. But first, let's talk about something so important to a lot of us. The quality of our sleep. And I know the topic of sleep divorce has been all over the media lately. When couples who still love each other decide to sleep in separate bedrooms because they cannot agree in the conditions of the sleep in their own bedroom. I met this incredible couple, the J and James who loved to fall asleep snuggled under the same blanket. But DJ was going through perimenopause and she was always waking up feeling super hot in the middle of the night. So one morning she woke up and she was like what if her comforter had windows? And they created the most incredible luxury Brand of comforters called Sleeping Doves with naturally cooling windows that you can open or close, depending on the temperature needs, so everyone can sleep well together. Even single people such as myself that sleep with my pets. Sometimes they make me feel super hot because they're all over me in the middle of the night. I just flap my window open and that's it. I invite you guys to check it out. The quality is absolutely incredible. Sleeping Dove. It's much more than a product. It's a love story, a wellness tool, and a reminder that comfort should feel both beautiful, personal and shared. Sleepingdove.com and on Instagram. Sleeping Dove. Home, Abby. Welcome to Cut on the Loose. Hey, thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. It's such a pleasure. I was looking through your. Because I'm a major bookworm. I love books, and I was reading through your fabulous books. I'm like, I want to read them all. You have such a massive, impressive collection of books. Congratulations, first and foremost.
- [03:21]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, thank you so much.
- [03:24]
Cat Zamuto
So I want to. Of course, let's start talking about the latest one. I think it just came out a little while ago, right? The year of Dating Myself.
- [03:33]
Abby Rosemarin
That's right.
- [03:34]
Cat Zamuto
I love the title. And before I ask you the 10 million questions I have about it, we have something similar here on Cat on the Loose that we do, which is called a man diet. A man diet or woman diet, whatever, for that matter, is kind of like the same idea of your book, but when you're burned out from either dating too much or going through a nasty breakup, whatever it is, you kind of take a break and focus on yourself. Right? So. And I always thought that was a great idea. So when I found out about your book, I'm like, oh, my God, I want to talk to this chick. So guide me through the idea behind it. Why did you decide to do it? Why was this important to you? Yes.
- [04:19]
Abby Rosemarin
So honestly, now, this was something that I would have to realize in retrospect, but I was a serial monogamous. I would jump from relationship to relationship to relationship, and I never gave myself any chance to be single. And I found that especially after my marriage ended, which, you know, I always like to say that me and my ex husband are on amazing terms. We. It was a very mutual decision that I will never consider a disaster relationship. The ones that came after, though, oh, wow. It was disaster after disaster after disaster, and it seemed like one was worse than the next. And I never gave myself a chance to even just process the first one, let alone second, third, fourth, and Here I was in this fifth relationship in a row, fifth disaster in a row, and this one was with a particular brand of bad. I got out by the skin of my teeth, and that was my rock bottom. That was my moment where I had to go, all right, clearly we have a pattern here. And while I do not, you know, nobody deserves to be mistreated or cheated on or anything like that, if I want to break this pattern, I can't just keep throwing my hands up and being like, oh, my God, the universe just keeps giving me these jerks. I have to sit back and go, okay, what are the things that I might be doing that is contributing to this pattern? Because the only way I'm going to get out of this pattern is if I break whatever it is that I'm doing in these patterns. And. And that's when I realized I never give myself a chance to be single. I jump on the first chance. Like, you know, basically, like, if a guy's vaguely promising to be my Prince Charming, oof, I'm there. And, you know, so here I am with this information, and I'm. I'm thinking to myself, okay, so now I can see where I've been going with this, and I can see my patterns. But, like, what do I do with this? Because I've done the thing where I swear off dating and, oh, my God, I'm gonna be single from here on out. And then I would just repeat the cycle all over again. So that's also a part of this pattern, how I'm gonna break this part, too, where I just do this dramatic swearing off. And when I tell you it felt like the universe just conspired to make sure this year happened. Cause this is New Year's Eve. This is a couple months now after I had this realization. New Year's Eve, I'm sitting passenger side of my friend's car. We're driving back to our Airbnb, and as one does, I'm checking my phone, I'm checking my email, and there is this promotional email from one of my absolute favorite bands. I don't mention the band in the book, but I will mention it here that the band is Guster, and they are set to play in my town in the coming year. I'm like, oh, sweet, let me go and get tickets. And I'm already thinking about the friends I can take with me. I open up the. I think it was basically just Ticketmaster, and nope, there's one seat here, one seat there, but for the most part, it's sold out. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's a bust. But before I click out, I have this moment of, yeah, but when was the last time you went to a concert by yourself? And as I sat with that, I was like, well, the answer is never. I've never been to a concert by myself. And that kind of started that kind of snowball effect of, well, I've never really done anything by myself. I've always had somebody with me and usually a partner. But, you know, if my partner can't come with me, I guess I'll go with friends.
- [07:37]
Cat Zamuto
Like most, most women, by the way. Right? Most women are so afraid of doing anything by themselves.
- [07:44]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And that really gave me this moment of like, okay, how am I going to break this cycle? You know what, I'm going to go to that concert, I'm going to take myself out. And that was the key word is as I'm checking out on Ticketmaster, I'm like, I want to take myself out. And I just had this moment of oh my God. And all of a sudden I go from my confirmation page on Ticketmaster to my notes app and I am just charting out all these dates that I want to, you know, these events that I want to take myself out to. All these things that I wanted to do with a partner but never did, like little things, like I was in a long term relationship with somebody who was motion sick. So we never went on Ferris wheels and I wanted to go on a Ferris wheel, like these kind of things. And literally, as the year is winding down, as we're about to start this brand new year, literally in my notes app, I have written the year of dating myself. And that is quite literally as the new year began. It was like, here we go. This year is my year of dating myself.
- [08:44]
Cat Zamuto
Oh my God. You know, we have so much in common because as you're telling your story, I see my story in my head. Same thing. I was in a very abusive, horrible marriage for 14 years. And once I got out of that marriage, I guess we, we are trained mentally that we think we need to be in another relationship. Right. Exactly what you just said. I kept jumping from horrible man to horrible man to horrible men. I didn't give myself a minute, like, well, why don't you just wait a minute, stay alone and enjoy yourself and learn how to love yourself. It was a process for me. So as you're telling your story, I'm like, I am sure there are thousands and thousands of women out there that literally just jump from one men to another. And Another, because somehow they think, like, either they're too afraid of being alone or, you know, life is going to be boring or miserable if they're alone. But it's such a wonderful journey of. Of self love and self discovery if you're able to do it.
- [09:46]
Abby Rosemarin
Yes, I completely agree. And, you know, there is a lot to be said about that whole, like, you really need to learn to love yourself, because, you know, there can be people. Like, I don't fully agree to the idea that how could anybody love you if you don't love your? Cause like, sometimes the way we learn to love ourselves is through people loving us. But also, if we don't have that baseline, if we don't know how to love ourselves and love our own company, we're gonna abandon ourselves for, oh, my God, here's this person. And maybe they will love me. And you dismiss red flags and you compromise your values, you compromise your boundaries big time. And it really was this, like, I need to learn to love my company so much that it's not something that I'm hoping to abandon the second somebody even kind of sort of hints that they to have me in their life.
- [10:34]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God. No, I agree with you 1 million percent. I'm just going through this. Like I said, I've done mini men diets in the past, like, two months, three months. But then I ended up jumping on another horrible, toxic relationship that I knew the person wasn't ready for me. And last year, I broke up a relationship like you were telling your story in December. And I had this epiphany, like, you know what? I'm going to take a really long break. So this year, I'm doing the year one. Yes. So. And I get a lot of messages, like, guys saying, why are you single? Oh, my. And I'm like, look, I'm taking my time. And I've never been happier. All my projects are thriving. I learned how to enjoy my company so much. And that's the next thing I want to talk to you about this year. Back in May, it was the first time in my life I went on a trip completely alone. By choice. By choice. I had to go to Cannes, the film festival, because I had a movie there. But after Ken, I was like, you know what? I'm going to go for 10 days on a vacation alone. I have many, many friends in Europe, but I didn't want to meet anybody. I literally wanted to learn how to enjoy my company. And I had the most fabulous time ever. So that's my question to you. So when you started your year alone. Tell me about your travels, what you did that was fun. Was it hard for you to do stuff alone?
- [12:05]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, yeah. So the things I was doing alone ran the gamut. It could be everything from I want to go to the local ice skating rink and go skating by myself to full on. I'm going to go on a six hour road trip to Quebec City and have like a, you know, a good four or five, you know, travel day completely by myself and everything in between. And it was. I did not realize how much of a growth edge this was for me until it was time to do it. I remember one of the very first things I did was this. It was like a dueling pianos event. And, you know, here I am, I'm just sitting down. It's a packed house, you know, so there's people all around me and I'm feeling a little almost uncomfortable enjoying the music. And it took a moment for me to realize this is one of the first times that I have to have this experience just with myself. I was so used to filtering my experience through my partner. And I would look over, like, you know, look over at my partner and if he's having a good time, oh, now I'm having a great time, almost like validate my experience. And if he's not having a good time, I'm abandoning the experience. Yep, now I gotta take care of him. And that was always, you know, my eyes would not be on whatever it was that we were doing together. My eyes were basically on the partner. And then it made me realize, like, I don't know how to enjoy something. Just like, for me, and that was a huge growth area. And even these little things like going to a restaurant by myself and not feeling like I had to apologize for taking up a whole table by myself. It was tough to not just do that. Oh, I'm sorry. Just one. I don't need to apologize to the host to bring one person to the table.
- [13:49]
Cat Zamuto
No, I mean, I don't know. And maybe, you know, I always wonder because for me it was never a problem doing stuff by myself, even when I was married. But I know it's very tough. So like this time when I was in Europe, right. I think in Europe it might be a little more common just because I see women everywhere doing stuff alone. So like you said, when I would go to a restaurant, I'm so happy sitting there. Like I said, I'm not feeling guilty if I order pasta and three glasses of champagne and dessert. I remember literally walking around Monaco, like with this huge ice cream in my hand. And I was just so happy because I'm like, there is no dude here to judge me if I'm eating too much. I was literally. It's very liberating, but I think for most women, it's very intimidating. Right. Why do you think that is?
- [14:37]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, I think it really has a lot to do. Especially, you know, you mentioned, like, European culture versus, like, the US And I definitely feel like the US we drive home that fairy tale. We drive home, the princess must need her prince. And if a woman is single, uh, oh, you know, she's the crazy spinster with her cats. And, you know, there's this feeling of like, we're only as good as the relationship we're in, basically. And to just be ourselves and to own that space and not just be. I'm valid because look at the man I have. You know, that again, we're driven to value having the prince. And if we're doing something by ourselves, God, what's. What's wrong with you, honey, that you got to do something by yourself? And I feel like that creates the self consciousness of, like, oh, God, what is wrong with me if I want to do something by myself?
- [15:27]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. And. But I'm not saying I'm against relationships, by the way. I mean, I love being in a relationship. I want to find the right person for me. But I do think if more women out there were able to do what you and I did, like, literally spend time with yourself, it is one of the most empowering experiences you can have as a woman if you start loving your company and walking anywhere. Like, I personally really don't care what people think about me. If I go to a place that I want to go by myself, I could not care less. But I think it empowered me because as I'm sitting there doing all these things alone and. Tell me your journey. I kept remembering, why did I put up with this dude or that dude and that behavior? Or like you said, why would I date a guy? If you love roller coasters, the guy doesn't love roller coasters. If I love traveling, somebody doesn't love travel. It's very empowering when you start realizing that you can be happy by yourself.
- [16:27]
Abby Rosemarin
It really is. And I was having very similar experiences where here I am, I'm going out, I'm doing all of these awesome things, and having that moment of. There's this meme that has been circulating for a few years now that, you know, men think they're competing with other men for women. No, you're competing with the peace that she feels when she's alone. And I would keep thinking about that, like the amount of peace I feel getting to do what I want to do and on my own terms. And again, I very much am not anti relationships. In fact, I am in a relationship right now, as we see. And you know, honestly, I'm gonna say that if it weren't for the fact that I devoted a year to loving my own company, I don't think that I would have even met this person. Because, you know, there were a few attempts to date prior to meeting my current boyfriend, and those would go belly up. But one of the reasons why I would not waste my time is as I'm noticing, I'm like, you know, I don't think they're really into me. I don't think he's invested. Old me would have just kind of destroyed herself and taken things on the chin and just please stay with me, whatever it takes. But the version of me that was post year of dating myself was like, okay, well, if he isn't excited about the fact that I'm inviting him into my life, that's cool, no biggie. He doesn't owe me nothing. But he can go on his way now and I'm gonna go back to my life. And you know, it wasn't. I needed to have that time to realize, wait, this is fucking amazing that I can do these things on my own. And now it really is. Like, no, these men are competing against the peace I feel when I'm alone.
- [18:07]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that. That is very, very powerful. And at least with me. Tell me if you felt the same way so far. Right? I don't know if I'm gonna do the whole year. So far it's been what, six months, seven months? But as these months go by, I know better what I want and what I don't want. Kind of like, you know, I look back in my head and I think about the guys I dated and I understand better, like, why did I put up with this? Or, you know, this is not something I want in my next partner. As the months go by, I kind of get more focused on what is good for me. Like you said, you know, why do I allow certain things in my life if it's not good for me? I know I'm not gonn allow that anymore.
- [18:50]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And I think there's a lot to be said. And I knew this was definitely the case for me. And I get the feeling that probably for you as well, where I. My Sense of self would wrap around the guy, his interests. Cool. Those are my interests now. He doesn't like certain things that I like. Well, it's okay. I'll never bring those up in front of him. And I molded myself to the dude, basically. Which also would mean that when things would bottom out, I would feel extra lost. Like, well, who am I? I've been pretending I'm a gym rat because he's a gym rat. Or I've been pretending I'm into craft beers because he's into craft beers and I don't even like beer.
- [19:26]
Cat Zamuto
We've all done that, right? This crazy shit. Like, you make believe you really like something at the beginning because you want to please the person.
- [19:33]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. But once you start giving yourself that time to actually just be with yourself and see what you like and what you don't like and, and, and what you value. And it really does give you this moment of like, I can stand in who I am and instead of how do I have to form fit to keep the guy? It's who is going to match. Like, here's the shape that my values, interests, hobbies and so on makes. Where is there a complimentary shape? And if the guy is not that complimentary shape, I don't want it.
- [20:03]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, I love that. Hey, guys, if you're one of those people who are super tired of dating apps that feel more like a waste of your time than a shot at love, listen up, because I have one here today that's about to change. The Luxie is the exclusive dating app designed for ambitious, successful, and seriously attractive singles who know what they want. We're talking no fake profiles, no endless ghosting, and definitely no bare minimum energy. What do I love the most about it? Luxie actually screens their members. Yes. Finally, on app where quality comes before quantity. Whether you're looking for love, passion, or just someone who actually has their life together, this is where high standards are celebrated, not judged. So if you are ready to level up your love life and download Lexi now, it is free to apply. And trust me, this is where the elite meet. Tell them cat on the loose send you. And I am giving you an exclusive invite code that we created specially for you. Invite 40. The word invite and the number four zero. It will offer you 40% off their fabulous black membership. So hurry up. What are you waiting for? Everybody deserves to find love. And I know a lot of you are feeling super burned out, but this is gonna turn the game for you. Download Luxy right now and get going. Good luck. You took a Year of dating yourself. Did you know at the beginning of the year you said, okay, this is going to be the entire year for myself? Were you, like, determined to do an entire year?
- [21:36]
Abby Rosemarin
I was. And I really do think the fact that it was literally New Year's Eve when that came, because I don't know if I would have had that same stamina, if you will, because I do know. Like, fittingly enough, it was around the six or seven month mark that I was like. It was almost because I already had mapped out this entire year because I would even put down month to month of like, I want to do this in September and I want to do this in October. If it weren't for the fact that I had already made the structure in place, I don't know if I would have seen it through. Because there was something to be said about, like, well, it was fun and novel, and now the novelty is starting to wear off. But this is where, for me, at least. And again, if people are doing their own solo journeys, it can be whatever timeline they need. But I know for me, I needed that full year, especially when the novelty wore off, because so many of those relationships that were so icky were the ones where it's all great when it's novel. And as soon as the novelty wore off for him, that's when things got icky for me, and that's when I'm not being treated all that great. And I'm like, I'm not about to abandon myself, myself when the novelty wears off the way those men did. I need to prove I'm worth investing in. So we're seeing this through to the end.
- [22:50]
Cat Zamuto
I love that. So what did you. Okay, you went to concerts, you travel? Did you do anything else bigger, like, to go out of the country? Is there, like, one moment that was, like, extra special for you?
- [23:04]
Abby Rosemarin
I think for me. So there was a. Yeah, it really was this wide variety of things. I was also, like, taking classes, like a fencing class. I've never done fencing before. I was doing an axe throwing adventure, these kind of things. But for me, the biggest thing really was when I drove up to Quebec City and I decided that was gonna be my New Year's Eve, cap it off, like, you know, leave the US Go into Canada. Because actually, the very first time, and this was the first time I had ever traveled solo, I was still in that abusive relationship, and I just instinctively was like, nope, spend Labor Day weekend in Quebec City. And I did that as a trip all by myself, and it was a complete bust. I was I was sad girl, the entire time. I'm just here in my Airbnb, kind of just like crying and eating snacks. I didn't, you know, but I think even then, even in the midst of that really rough relationship, and admittedly, about three weeks after Labor Day, I would break up with him. But there was this understanding even back then. It's like the only way out is to do. To do this solo and to do things by myself. And so remembering that, I was like, I am going to Quebec City by myself again. And you know, to me, that felt just. Just so beautiful and so symbolic. So I'm going back to this city. That was my first solo trip ever. And it was kind of a bust because all I was was sad about my boyfriend. But this time around, I got to be there and be empowered and go and try out all these cool restaurants because I didn't go to a single restaurant while I was there. I think the closest I did is I got some poutine at a. Like a. Almost like a carryout takeout place. That was the closest I did. And to just return to Quebec City and go to those restaurants and see the sights and be there as my new empowered self, like, that felt so incredible.
- [24:52]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that because I just had a similar one. I said Monaco because, well, I was in Kent, so it was nearby. But when I was married, we used to go to Monaco every year, right. But my husband was an alcoholic. So the memories I had of being in one of the most beautiful places in the world, he was passed out on the couch of this five star hotel and literally, like you said, so sad walking around town by myself or sitting on in the bedroom waiting for him to wake up. Never did anything, never visited the city, never went to any restaurant. So this year I was like, you know what? I'm so close. I'm gonna go there. And I had same experience as you. I was so happy and I was. Went to all my favorite restaurants, I was drinking champagne around town, doing videos, having the time of my life. And I actually did one video about that. Like, I transformed all these horrible memories I had with a man here into these wonderful memories for me. And that made me feel very empowered, you know, A, because I went there on my own dime. I think that's really important, right? And B, because like you said, we should be able to make happy memories whether you're in a relationship or not.
- [26:06]
Abby Rosemarin
Yes. I always come back to something my friend would say is laugh in the places that you had cried. And that was One of those big things that I would think about when I was in Quebec City and basically it sounds like it was somebody similar for you in Morocco where it's, here's this place where basically I had cried.
- [26:21]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [26:21]
Abby Rosemarin
And now I get to laugh. I get to return back there and have joy and smile.
- [26:26]
Cat Zamuto
Guys, I never thought I would say this, but this Black Friday. Instead of buying more stuff I don't need, I decided to invest in my sex life instead. We all know Black Friday is about deals, but what would you rather do? Spend hundreds of dollars in stuff you don't need or 69 bucks books on improving your sex life? Yes. @beducated.com Real Talk. No one ever really teaches us how to be amazing in bed. We're just supposed to figure it out somehow, right? Well, that's exactly what I thought until I found Educated. I started exploring their courses because I wanted to understand not just pleasure, but connection. And it completely changed how I see intimacy. I learned simple, real techniques that make you more confident, more in tune with your partner, and honestly more empowered in your own body. Be Educated is a safe space for all. And that's my favorite part. No matter relationship status, sexual orientation or gender. So if you're ready to level up your love and sex life solo or with a partner, go to beducate me cat 69. That's my code, Kat K A T 69 to get 65% off the yearly pass. That's their biggest discount of the year and it's completely risk free, 14 day money back guarantee. So go to beducate me cat 69 and give yourself a gift that will last. Yes, you rewrite your story, right? But one question that I get a lot from women all over the world when they see my videos because I talk a lot about, you know, you have to learn how to be alone and happy self love. And they're like, oh, but you know what if I feel lonely? Don't you ever feel lonely? I'm so afraid. I actually have girlfriends. They tell me, I'm so afraid of being alone. They are afraid to me. This is my response. I'm like, well, I make myself so busy. I love everything that I do so much. My work, my projects, my lifestyle. I don't have time to feel lonely. I am very fulfilled. I don't want, I don't need a man. It's more like I want a partner. But I don't feel like I need a man to be happy. What is, what is your vibe about it? Like, did you feel lonely in Your journey, How do you deal with that?
- [28:43]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, and this is an area where I'm. I'm happy to own up, where there was loneliness. And it is perfectly okay that, you know, even in these, like, super empowering moments to be like, you know what I miss having my hand held. I miss forehead kisses. And I kind of have that ache. If anything, that is when it's the most important to be like. And I'm not about to fire up the old Tinder. I'm going to stay single and I'm going to kind of sit with this, because then you learn, like, okay, yeah, it does suck, but I can survive this. I didn't, you know, to quote the Hangover, but did you die? And to know that even though, like, yes, you can walk and you can miss romantic love and even ache for it, but it's okay to be alone. You're gonna survive being alone. And again, there's an empowerment in knowing that, like, I don't have to be with somebody because I'm afraid of being alone. That, oh, well, this person stresses me out and he doesn't treat me right, and I think he's cheating on me. But you know what? It's better than being alone when you learn that being alone is kind of awesome. Which, you know, the other thing I did was just like, what you did, where, you know, keeping myself busy. And it's like, like, would I even have time for a man? He better make it worth it. Which is empowering in and of itself. But knowing that even if that loneliness whacks you upside the head, you know, what you now know on a felt lived sense, you're gonna survive it. And then it's gonna make it a lot easier to not put up with the jackass.
- [30:16]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that. No 1 million percent. And the way I feel is like, I rather be alone and even if I feel lonely than with the wrong person again. And if you can go through that, you're gonna wait for the right partner for you. You're not gonna like, because you and I made this. And I know a lot of women make this mistake. We just keep, like, going, jumping from one bad relationship to another and another and. But if you're not afraid of being alone and you love your company, then you're gonna pause and say, wait a minute. I'm gonna wait for the right partner for me.
- [30:47]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And again, like, I. I'm. I'm always very keen to say, like. And I'm saying this as somebody who is in a phenomenal relationship Knock on wood. They this feels like my person. And I hope this continues on basically for as long as the fates give me this person in my life. And the only reason I feel like I had that space to bring him into my life was because I was in a place where I wasn't gonna waste my time with the jackasses. And I can think of, like, three specific dating situations off the top of my head that I, old me, would have dragged out because I was afraid of being alone. But instead, it was like, you know what? This ain't it. I wish you the best. I'm gonna go do my own thing.
- [31:30]
Cat Zamuto
I love that and that. Yeah, same. No, the same. Same, same, same. I got so tired of dating the wrong dudes for the wrong reason. I'm like, okay, stop, pause, you know, rewire, but let's spill the tea. So how did you guys meet? Like, how long after your year of dating yourself did you meet the person you're with now?
- [31:52]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, the person I met. So it's. Oh, my goodness, let me do the math real quick. About two years after the year of dating myself.
- [32:00]
Cat Zamuto
Okay, so it wasn't like, right away.
- [32:02]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, no, no, no. And in some ways, it really worked out that, you know, admittedly, my personal life was just chaos for so many ways right after the year of dating myself. And I didn't get a chance to even, like, try out dating even if I wanted to, which kind of was like a good thing because I think a part of me was champing at the bit a little bit and getting a little impatient, and that kind of helped slow it down a bit. But then I first. And this really is one of those moments of, wow, maybe it really is when you least expect it. Because at first I was like, nope, no dating apps. I'm going to do it the old fashioned way. My friends would introduce me to people, and that does have a different vibe, which does. Even when they do go belly up, it hits different than, well, I went on a date with this dude from Tinders and whatevs and it didn't work out. And I remember that last one where I really was just, you know, again, what? That was like, hey, wish you the best. I'm gonna go do my own thing. I. For a couple of months, I just had this moment of just like, you know what? I'm feeling kind of sad. And I think I'm feeling sad because there's. I'm giving myself scarcity mindset. And maybe, you know what? I heard hinges is okay. And, you know, I'm gonna go on it not to find anybody. I just need the reminder that I'm a baddie with options. And that was my whole headspace when I went and made my Hinge app or my Hinge profile. And I kid you not. And again, it was actually super empowering because if a guy didn't pass the vibe check out if the interaction felt off out and to have that feeling of like, I don't have to give the good guy a chance, I can filter things out. And again, I'm thinking the reason I have Hinge is just to remind myself I'm a baddie with options. And you know, and I, I kid you not, after maybe two or three weeks I was already in this place of just kind of like, okay, I've learned I'm a baddie with options. I'm out of scarcity mindset. I might just kind of ease back from this because I do have a really busy life. And that is when I matched with my current boyfriend. And when I tell you from the jump, like, the energy was different. We are sending like not only those super, super long texts with each other, but we're doing like, like puns and dad jokes at each other. He's the first person I have ever met that keeps me on my toes with my dad jokes. Usually I'm the one with the dad jokes that everybody else is like, oh my God, haha funny. He would deliver it back and I'm like, oh boy. Challenge accepted. And you know that first date, I kid you not, the best first date of my life.
- [34:34]
Cat Zamuto
That's so awesome. I love a good dating app love story because I know so many people get discouraged. Like, I'm never gonna do this, man, it's so tough, Lalala. But there are really nice people out there on dating apps trying to find a nice relationship. So you gotta give it a whirl.
- [34:51]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And if anything again, being secure in yourself is the is number one. Like when we're feeling that loneliness that is a laps. The last thing we should be doing is firing up the dating apps.
- [35:04]
Cat Zamuto
Totally.
- [35:04]
Abby Rosemarin
Because there are these gens under a lot of garbage.
- [35:08]
Cat Zamuto
Holy crap.
- [35:09]
Abby Rosemarin
There's a lot of garbage. You're gonna have to to sift through that garbage. And the only way, again, the, the whole reason I was on Hinge was I'm a baddie with options. I sifted through a lot of garbage. And it is actually very empowering to be like, you know what? I don't have to give this person a chance. I don't like how he just talked with me. And instead of, oh, let me just. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Nope, we're out of here.
- [35:31]
Cat Zamuto
He was subtle.
- [35:33]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And the only. I think really, the only way that you can. Can keep that headspace is if you are secure in yourself and okay with being alone. Because it's like, yeah, when I'm basically clicking unmapped on this guy, that does mean that I'm not going to go on a date with him. And maybe I'll be alone for a little bit longer, but that's a good thing because that dude just did not pass the vibe check with me.
- [35:54]
Cat Zamuto
I love that. And how long are you guys dating now?
- [35:59]
Abby Rosemarin
So we've been together for about a couple of months now, which I know.
- [36:02]
Cat Zamuto
Sounds like such a. I know a lot of people. It's like, when you know, you know, right? I get the stories. I know couples that are married, they've been together for. And they're like, you know, when I knew, I knew, Like, I knew this person was my person. So, I mean, yeah, you're still in the honeymoon phase, but this could be your perfect person, you know? Sounds good.
- [36:22]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And, you know, it really is, you know, and again, time will tell, and I will let the universe do what the universe is going to do. But it really is when you, you know. You know, and there's. And here's the big thing that I. Again, I don't think I would have been able to truly appreciate this without having that chance to see what my nervous system feels like when I'm alone. And I have that peace when I'm alone. I have that peace when I'm with him. And to me, that has been more than the butterflies and the things in common and the attraction and the chemistry and even the dad jokes is the fact that when I'm around him, I have that same kind of peace. Peace. And I'm like, okay, that. That to me, lets me know that this. This might be my person.
- [37:01]
Cat Zamuto
I think that's very key, what you just said, because love is peaceful, right? And a good relationship brings you that peaceful, nice vibe. It doesn't bring stress and chaos into your life, right? So if you need that vibe, very likely you're. You're on the right track before I let you go. So let's say someone out there is listening to us. They're like, you know, I'm gonna give this a whirl. I want to do the. The year of dating me, maybe six months of a man died. Something similar Any pointers? Any suggestions? So it doesn't feel overwhelming because for you.
- [37:35]
Abby Rosemarin
You.
- [37:36]
Cat Zamuto
You and I, we were able to do it, but I know for a lot of women, it sounds very scary and very overwhelming. Do you have any ideas or baby steps how someone can ease themselves into this process?
- [37:47]
Abby Rosemarin
Yeah, 100. And it always depends on what works for people and what doesn't. I know for me, being able to list things out and kind of, like, plan things out where, you know, whether it is, like, you know what I'm gonna do? My. My six months, my man diet, I'm gonna do maybe three months. Maybe I'm just planning it out month by month. But I'm just gonna take a moment, sit down, and really. And even if we don't go on these dates, kind of write out, like, what are some things that I would like to do? If I could wave this magic wand and be the person who could be super confident and do these things, walk into the room, own it, and then do whatever event that I want to do. What are those things? And again, we don't even have to do them. It's just writing them out might get that ball rolling. And honestly, I'm a big believer, and this was a huge element of the year of dating myself as well, that, you know, it's okay if it's a, you know, a group date, if you will, and that, I mean, you reinvest in your platonic community. It's like, what if I'm doing three months of essentially making sure that I used to go out to brunch with my romantic partner? I'm going out to brunch with my besties now. And. And letting that be the platform to also learn. Like, okay, I can thrive in my platonic community without a man now. I can thrive solo, too, without a man. And it can even be these little small things. Like I mentioned, I went to my local ice skating rink and just did that solo. And a lot of people just go ice skating by themselves. It doesn't have to be like, I have to go out to a restaurant and buy myself flowers and go to a concert. What if I'm like, you know, what a nice stroll down the beach? But it's a solo stroll down the beach.
- [39:22]
Cat Zamuto
Baby steps. I love that. Thank you so much. Congratulations. I love the book. And now last night, I started reading another one of your books. That is adorable. The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing. Congratulations. Go read it, guys. I highly recommend. It's an easy, super fun read. It's on Amazon. The link is here on this audio episode. And I wish you the very best and much love to you and your beautiful partner.
- [39:51]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. And likewise, I wish the best for you too.
- [39:54]
Cat Zamuto
Thank you.
- [39:55]
Abby Rosemarin
I really appreciate it.
- [39:55]
Cat Zamuto
It was such an honor having you, Abby and girls go out there. Self love first and foremost. Right, Abby?
- [40:02]
Abby Rosemarin
Self love first. Again. I'm saying this as somebody in the honeymoon phase. Self love first.
- [40:06]
Cat Zamuto
There you go. I'll see you guys very soon. Thank you. And this one is for everyone that loves to play poker and is planning a TR trip to Las Vegas. I just came back from Las Vegas. I found out about this and I want to share with you guys because I had so much fun. I'm inviting you to go check out the most fun, most private poker game in town, held right inside Aria's resort VIP poker room. It's called Table one, and I love the name and it's very fitting because this is the most exclusive, hottest poker table in town right now. Even if you're not that into poker or new to the game and want to try it out, this is a great opportunity to network with businessmen, athletes and celebrities in a super exclusive environment. Mr. Beast has played there. Dan Bilzerian has played there. Golf pros have played in it. It's like an elite, exclusive social club, but also a really, really fun, cool environment. And you're gonna play Texas no Limit hold' Em and you're gonna have so much fun. It's blowing up. Definitely one of the hottest places in all of Las Vegas right now. However, your name needs to be on the list in order for you to gain access. So make sure you send me a message if you want to do it through Instagram. Catzamuto z a m m u t o dm there or text me or WhatsApp on 1310-692-0578 to reserve your seat for priority access. And I am going to give you some incredible special comps that are only available to my guests. You guys gotta listen to this. They will reimburse your Aria hotel fee for up to $350 for each day you play the game. They will give you private transportation from the airport to the hotel, and they will give you access to special airfare deals for business and first class tickets. I mean, these guys will totally roll out the red carpet for you and you're going to have so much fun. So if you're planning a trip to Las Vegas, let me hook you up with Table one and you are going to love it. Don't forget. Send me a message.