Podcast Summary: "THE YEAR OF DATING MYSELF"

Podcast: Kat on the Loose
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Abby Rosmarin, author of "The Year of Dating Myself"
Date: July 31, 2025

Overview of the Episode

In this episode, Kat Zammuto welcomes author Abby Rosmarin to discuss her latest book, The Year of Dating Myself. The conversation dives deep into the concept of intentionally taking time away from romantic relationships to focus on self-love, personal growth, and breaking unhealthy relationship cycles. Kat and Abby share their own stories about being serial monogamists, the cultural stigma around being single, and how focusing on oneself can lead to profound empowerment and better future relationships. The tone is candid, supportive, and full of relatable, heartfelt moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Inspiration Behind "The Year of Dating Myself"

• Serial Monogamy & Patterns:
  • Abby reveals she never let herself be single, moving from one relationship to the next without processing previous heartbreaks, especially after her marriage ended.
  • She hit "rock bottom" after a particularly bad relationship, realizing she needed to do something different to break the cycle.
  • Quote [04:18]:

    "If I want to break this pattern, I can't just keep throwing my hands up and being like, oh, my God, the universe just keeps giving me these jerks. I have to sit back and go, okay, what are the things that I might be doing that is contributing to this pattern?... I never give myself a chance to be single."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Catalyst for Change:
  • On New Year's Eve, she impulsively bought a single ticket to a concert—a first for her—sparking a year dedicated to “dating herself” by doing things alone.
  • She wrote down a list of things she wanted to do solo, inspired by missing out on experiences in past relationships.

2. The Emotional Process and Societal Pressures

• Cultural Expectations:
  • Kat and Abby discuss the narrative that women need to be in relationships and the negative stereotypes about single women.
  • Quote [14:37]:

    "If a woman is single, uh, oh, you know, she's the crazy spinster with her cats... We're only as good as the relationship we're in."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Learning True Self-Love:
  • Abby challenges the cliché that “no one can love you until you love yourself,” noting self-love is an ongoing process, but without it, we easily abandon ourselves or ignore red flags.
• The Validation Trap:
  • Abby admits she often validated her experiences based on her partner's mood or reactions, a habit she had to break during her solo year.
  • Quote [12:05]:

    "I was so used to filtering my experience through my partner... And that was a huge growth area. Even going to a restaurant by myself and not feeling like I had to apologize for taking up a whole table by myself."
    — Abby Rosmarin

3. The Practical "Year of Dating Myself" Experience

• Solo Adventures:
  • Abby engaged in a range of solo activities, from ice skating and dining out to road trips and going to concerts.
  • She planned the year out, which helped her maintain commitment when the novelty wore off.
  • Quote [21:35]:

    "There was something to be said about, like, well, it was fun and novel, and now the novelty is starting to wear off. But I'm not about to abandon myself when the novelty wears off the way those men did. I need to prove I'm worth investing in."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Transforming Old Wounds:
  • Abby revisited Quebec City, a place linked to painful memories, to create positive, empowering experiences for herself.
  • Kat shares a parallel story about reclaiming Monaco after her divorce, noting the empowerment of making happy memories on her own dime.
  • Quote [26:06]:

    "Laugh in the places that you had cried."
    — Abby Rosmarin

4. Challenges: Loneliness and the Fear of Being Alone

• Facing Loneliness Realistically:
  • Abby admits there were lonely moments but stresses the importance of sitting with those feelings rather than running back to dating out of fear.
  • Quote [28:42]:

    "Even in these super empowering moments to be like, you know what, I miss having my hand held. I miss forehead kisses... but I'm not about to fire up the old Tinder."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Empowerment in Solitude:
  • Both Kat and Abby emphasize that being single, though sometimes lonely, is preferable to being with the wrong person, and ultimately leads to better self-awareness and standards.

5. Entering a Healthy Relationship After the Journey

• Abby’s New Love:
  • Abby shares she only found her current partner about two years after her solo year. By then, her standards were clearer, and she wouldn't tolerate bad behavior or settle out of loneliness.
  • Their connection stood out because it was peaceful and matched the sense of calm she'd cultivated alone.
  • Quote [36:21]:

    "I have that peace when I'm alone. I have that peace when I'm with him. And to me, that has been more than the butterflies... is the fact that when I'm around him, I have that same kind of peace."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Dating with Intention:
  • Abby used dating apps, but only when she felt truly secure alone. She filtered matches rigorously, refusing to force chemistry.
  • Quote [35:08]:

    "There's a lot of garbage. You're gonna have to to sift through that garbage. And... the only reason I was on Hinge was I'm a baddie with options."
    — Abby Rosmarin

6. Advice for Listeners—How to Begin a "Year of Dating Yourself"

• Baby Steps & Customization:
  • Abby suggests listeners start with small, intentional solo activities and consider reinvigorating platonic friendships.
  • Quote [37:46]:

    "It can even be these little small things... I went to my local ice skating rink and just did that solo. It doesn't have to be like, I have to go out to a restaurant and buy myself flowers... What if I'm like, you know, what a nice stroll down the beach? But it's a solo stroll down the beach."
    — Abby Rosmarin

• Planning Helps Commitment:
  • Creating lists or structuring solo dates helps maintain focus and determination, especially when the novelty fades.
• It's Not Anti-Relationship:
  • Both Kat and Abby clarify that this practice isn't about rejecting love, but about building a stronger foundation for healthier future relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:18] Abby: "I have to sit back and go, okay, what are the things that I might be doing that is contributing to this pattern?... I never give myself a chance to be single."
• [12:05] Abby: "I was so used to filtering my experience through my partner... And that was a huge growth area."
• [14:37] Abby: "If a woman is single, uh, oh, you know, she's the crazy spinster with her cats."
• [21:35] Abby: "I'm not about to abandon myself when the novelty wears off the way those men did."
• [26:06] Abby: "Laugh in the places that you had cried."
• [28:42] Abby: "It's okay to be alone. You're gonna survive being alone."
• [35:08] Abby: "There's a lot of garbage. You're gonna have to to sift through that garbage... I'm a baddie with options."
• [36:21] Abby: "When I'm around him, I have that same kind of peace. And I'm like, okay, that lets me know this might be my person."
• [39:54] Kat: "Girls, go out there. Self love first and foremost, right, Abby?"
• [40:01] Abby: "Self love first. Again. I'm saying this as somebody in the honeymoon phase. Self love first."

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:21] Introduction to Abby and her latest book
• [04:18] Abby shares her relationship history and inspiration for the book
• [07:37] Kat and Abby discuss how women are conditioned to avoid being alone
• [12:05] Abby talks about the discomfort and growth in solo experiences
• [14:37] Societal pressure on women to be in relationships
• [18:50] Discovering personal boundaries and preferences
• [21:35] The necessity of commitment over novelty
• [23:04] Abby’s symbolic solo trip to Quebec City
• [26:06] Transforming old emotional wounds into empowerment
• [28:42] Addressing loneliness and resisting dating out of fear
• [31:51] Abby meets her current partner through a dating app, but only after being content alone
• [36:21] The importance of peace in a relationship
• [37:46] Step-by-step advice for listeners wanting to try dating themselves
• [39:54] Episode wrap-up, emphasizing self-love

Episode Takeaways

• Taking intentional time away from dating can deeply transform self-awareness and relationship standards.
• Solo activities, even small ones, are incredibly empowering.
• Cultivating peace alone sets a higher standard for future relationships.
• Self-love is a continuous journey—it's about validating and investing in yourself as a whole person, not just as a partner.

For more from Abby Rosmarin, check out The Year of Dating Myself and her other titles on Amazon, as well as her ongoing journey and advice on self-love and relationships.