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- [00:01]
Sponsor
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- [00:32]
Cat Zamuto
You brought it back. Ranch Snack wrap Spicy snack wrap. You broke the Internet for a snack? Snack wrap is back. My guest today, Abby Rosemarin, is a super talented writer. She has several fantastic best selling books out there and her latest book, the Year of Dating Myself really resonated with me because I'm a huge advocate for men and women taking a break from the chaos of dating. If things are not going great and literally focusing on yourself, I have done it. It has done wonders for me and Abby obviously took an entire year to dedicate to herself and the results are in this fantastic book. I hope you guys enjoy my my great conversation with the adorable and super talented Abby. But first, let's talk about something so important to a lot of us, the quality of our sleep. And I know the topic of sleep divorce has been all over the media lately when couples who still love each other decide to sleep in separate bedrooms because they cannot agree in the conditions of the sleep in their own bedroom. I met this incredible couple, DJ and James, who loved to fall asleep snuggled under the same blanket. But DJ was going through perimenopause and she was always waking, waking up feeling super hot in the middle of the night. So one morning she woke up and she was like what if her comforter had windows? And they created the most incredible luxury brand of comforters called Sleeping Dove with naturally cooling windows that you can open or close depending on the temperature needs so everyone can sleep well together. Even single people such as myself that sleep with my pets sometimes they make me feel super hot because they're all over me in the middle of the night. I just flap my window open and that's it. I invite you guys to check it out. The the quality is absolutely incredible. Sleeping Dove it's much more than a product. It's a love story, a wellness tool and a reminder that comfort should feel both beautiful, personal and shared. Sleeping dove.com and on Instagram. Sleeping Dove Home Abby welcome to Cut on the Loose. Hey thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. It's such a pleasure. I was looking through your. Because I'm a major bookworm. I love books, and I was reading through your first fabulous books. I'm like, I want to read them all. You have such a massive, impressive collection of books. Congratulations, first and foremost.
- [03:04]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, thank you so much.
- [03:07]
Cat Zamuto
So I want to. Of course, let's start talking about the latest one. I think it just came out a little while ago, Right. The year of Dating Myself.
- [03:16]
Abby Rosemarin
That's right.
- [03:17]
Cat Zamuto
I love the title. And before I ask you the 10 million questions I have about it, we have something similar. Similar here on Cat on the Loose that we do, which is called a man diet. A man diet or woman diet, whatever, for that matter, is kind of like the same idea of your book. When you're burned out from either dating too much or going through a nasty breakup, whatever it is, you kind of take a break and focus on yourself. Right? So. And I always thought that was a great idea. So when I found out about your book, I'm like, oh, my God, I want to talk to this chick. So guide me through the idea behind it. Why did you decide to do it? Why was this important to you? Yes.
- [04:01]
Abby Rosemarin
So honestly, now, this was something that I would have to realize in retrospect, but I was a serial monogamist. I would jump from relationship to relationship to relationship, and I never gave myself any chance to be single. And I found that, especially after my marriage ended, which, you know, I always like to say that me and my ex husband are on amazing terms. We. It was a very mutual decision that I will never consider a disaster relationship. The ones that came after, though, oh, wow. It was disaster after disaster after disaster, and it seemed like one was worse than the next. And I never gave myself a chance to even just process the first one, let alone second, third, fourth. And here I was in this fifth relationship in a row, fifth disaster in a row. And this one was with a particular brand of bad. I got out, out by the skin of my teeth. And that was my rock bottom. That was my moment where I had to go, all right, clearly we have a pattern here. And while I do not, you know, nobody deserves to be mistreated or cheated on or anything like that. If I want to break this pattern, I can't just keep throwing my hands up and being like, oh, my God, the universe just keeps giving me these jerks. I have to sit back and go, okay, what are the things that I might be doing that is contributing to this pattern? Because the only way I I'm going to get out of this pattern is if I break whatever it is that I'm doing in these patterns. And that's when I realized I never give myself a chance to be single. I jump on the first chance. Basically, if a guy's vaguely promising to be my Prince Charming, oof, I'm there. So here I am with this information and I'm thinking to myself, okay, so now I can see where I've been going with this and I can see my patterns, but what do I do with this? Because I've done the thing where I swear off dating and oh my God, I'm gonna be single from here on out. And then I would just repeat the cycle all over again. So that's also a part of this pattern, how I'm gonna break this part too, where I just do this dramatic swearing off. And when I tell you it felt like the universe just conspired to make sure this year happened. Because this is New Year's Eve. This is a couple months now after I had this realization. New Year's Eve, I'm sitting passenger side of my friend's car. We're driving back to our Airbnb. And as one does, I'm.
- [06:21]
Ryan Reynolds
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- [06:43]
Abby Rosemarin
Of $45 for a three month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy taxes and fees extra. C mintmobile.com Checking my phone, I'm checking my email. There is this promotional email from one of my absolute favorite bands. I don't mention the band in the book, but I will mention it here that the band is Guster and they are set to play in my town, like in the coming year. And I'm like, oh sweet, let me go and get tickets. And I'm already thinking about like the friends I can take with me. I open up the. You know, I think it was basically just Ticketmaster and nope, there's one seat here, one seat there, but for the most part it's sold out. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's a bust but before I click out, I have this moment of, yeah, but when was the last time you went to a concert by yourself? And as I sat with that, I was like, well, the answer is never. I've never been to a concert by myself. And that kind of started that kind of snowball effect of, well, I've never really done anything by myself. I've always had somebody with me and usually a partner. But, you know, if my partner can't come with me, I guess I'll go with friends.
- [07:50]
Cat Zamuto
Like most women, by the way, right? Most women are so afraid of doing anything by themselves.
- [07:57]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And that really gave me this moment of like, okay, how am I gonna break this cycle? You know what, I'm gonna go to that concert, I'm gonna take myself out. And that was the key word is as I'm, you know, checking out on Ticketmaster, I'm like, I'm going to take myself out. And I just had this moment of, oh my God. And all of a sudden I go from my confirmation page on Ticketmaster to my notes app and I am just charting out all these dates that I want to, these events that I want to take myself out to. All these things that I wanted to do with a partner but never did. Little things like I was in a long term relationship with somebody who was motion sick, so we never went on Ferris wheels and I wanted to go on a Ferris wheel, like these kind of things. And literally, as the year is winding down, as we're about to start this brand new year, literally in my notes app, I have written the year of dating myself. And that is quite literally as the new year began. It was like, here we go. This year is my year of dating myself.
- [08:56]
Cat Zamuto
Oh my God. You know, we have so much in common. Because as you're telling your story, I see my story in my head. Same thing. I was in a very abusive, horrible marriage for 14 years. And once I got out of that marriage, I guess we, we are trained mentally that we think we need to be in another relationship, right? Same. Exactly what you just said. I kept jumping from horrible man to horrible man to horrible man. I didn't give myself a minute, like, well, why don't you just wait a minute, stay alone and, and enjoy yourself and learn how to love yourself. It was a process for me. So as you're telling your story, I'm like, I am sure there are thousands and thousands of women out there that literally just jump from one man to another and another because somehow they think like, either they're too afraid of Being alone or, you know, life is going to be boring or miserable if they're alone. But it's such a wonderful journey of self love and self discovery if you're able to do it.
- [09:59]
Abby Rosemarin
Yes, I completely agree. And, you know, there is a lot to be said about that whole, like, you really need to learn to love yourself because, you know, there can be people. Like, I don't fully agree to the idea that how could anybody love you if you don't love yourself? Because, like, sometimes the way we learn to love ourselves is through people loving us. But also, if we don't have that baseline, if we don't know how to love ourselves and love our own company, we're going to abandon ourselves for, oh, my God, here's this person. And maybe they will love me. And you dismiss red flags and you compromise your values, you compromise your boundaries big time. And. And it really was this, like, I need to learn to love my company so much that it's not something that I'm hoping to abandon the second somebody even kind of sort of hints that they might want to have me in their life.
- [10:47]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God. No, I agree with you 1 million percent. I'm just going through this. Like I said, I've done many men diets in the past, like, two months. But then I ended up jumping on another horrible, toxic relationship that I knew the person wasn't ready for me. And last year, I broke up a relationship like you were telling your story in December. And I had this epiphany, like, you know what? I'm going to take a really long break. So this year, I'm doing the year one.
- [11:15]
Abby Rosemarin
Yes.
- [11:16]
Cat Zamuto
So for your best. And I get a lot of messages like guys saying, why are you single? Oh, my. And I'm like, look, I'm taking my time. And I've never been happier. All my projects are thriving. I learned how to enjoy my company so much. And that's the next thing I want to talk to you about this year. Back in May, it was the first time in my life, life. I went on a trip completely alone. By choice. By choice. I had to go to Cannes, the film festival, because I had a movie there. But after Ken, I was like, you know what? I'm going to go for 10 days on a vacation alone. I have many, many friends in Europe, but I didn't want to meet anybody. I literally wanted to learn how to enjoy my company. And I had the most fabulous time ever. So that's my question to you. So when you started your year alone, tell me about Your, your travels and, and what you did that was fun. Was it hard for you to do stuff alone?
- [12:18]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, yeah. So the things I was doing alone ran the gamut. It could be everything from I want to go to the local ice skating rink and go skating by myself to full on. I'm gonna go on a six hour road trip to Quebec City and have like a, you know, a good four or five you day completely by myself and everything in between. And it was, I did not realize how much of a growth edge this was for me until it was time to do it. I remember one of the very first things I did was this. It was like a dueling pianos event. And you know, here I am, I'm just sitting down, it's a packed house, you know, so there's people all around me and I'm feeling a little almost uncomfortable enjoying the music. And it took a moment for me to realize this is one of the first times that I have to have this experience just with myself. I was so used to filtering my experience through my partner. And I would look over, like, you know, look over at my partner and if he's having a good time, oh, now I'm having a great time. Almost like validate my experience. And if he's not having a good time, I'm abandoning the experience. Yep, now I gotta take care of him. And that was always, you know, my eyes would not be on whatever it was that we were doing together. My eyes were basically on the partner. And then it made me realize, like, I don't know how to enjoy something. Just like, for me, and that was a huge growth area. And even these little things, like going to a restaurant by myself and like not feeling like I had to apologize for like taking up a whole table by myself. Like, it was tough to not just do that. Oh, I'm sorry. Just one, like, I don't need to apologize to the host to bring one person to the table.
- [14:02]
Cat Zamuto
No, I mean, I don't know. And maybe, you know, I always wonder because for me it was never a problem doing stuff by myself, even when I was married. But I know it's very tough. So like this time when I was in Europe, right. I think in Europe it might be a little more common just because I see women everywhere doing stuff alone. So like you said, when I would go to a restaurant, I'm so happy sitting there. Like I said, I'm not feeling guilty if I order pasta and three glasses of champagne and dessert. I remember literally walking around Monaco like with this huge ice cream in my hand. And I was just so happy because I'm like, there's no dude here to judge me if I'm eating too much. I was literally doing. It's very liberating, but I think for most women, it's very intimidating. Right. Why do you think that is?
- [14:50]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, I think it really has a lot to do. Especially, you know, you mentioned, like, European culture versus, like, the US And I definitely feel like the US we drive home that fairy tale. We drive home, the princess must need her prince. And if a woman is single, uh, oh, you know, she's the crazy spinster with her cats. And, you know, there's this feeling of like, we're only as good as the relationship we're in, basically. And to just be ourselves and to own that space and not just be. I'm valid because look at the man I have. You know, that again, we're driven to value having the prince. And if we're doing something by ourselves, God, what's. What's wrong with you, honey, that you got to do something by yourself? And I feel like that creates this self consciousness of, like, oh, God, what is wrong with me if I want to do something by myself?
- [15:40]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [15:41]
Abby Rosemarin
And.
- [15:41]
Cat Zamuto
But I'm not saying I'm against relationships, by the way. I mean, I love being a relationship. I want to find the right person for me. But I do think if more women out there were able to do what you and I did, like, literally spend time with yourself, it is one of the most empowering experiences you can have as a woman if you start loving your company and walking anywhere. Like, I personally really don't care what people think about me. If I go to a place that I want to go by myself, I could not care less. But I think it empowered me because as I'm sitting there doing all these things alone and. Tell me your journey, I kept remembering, why did I put up with this dude or that dude and that behavior, or like you said, why would I date a guy? If you love roller coaster, the guy doesn't love roller coasters. If I love traveling, somebody doesn't love travel. It's very empowering when you start realizing that you can be happy by yourself.
- [16:40]
Abby Rosemarin
It really is. And I was having very similar experiences where here I am, I'm going out, I'm doing all of these awesome things, and having that moment of, there's this meme that has been circulating for a few years now that, you know, men think they're competing with other men for women. No, you're competing with the peace that she feels when she's alone. And I would keep thinking about that, like the amount of peace I feel getting to do what I want to do and on my own terms. And again, I very much am not anti relationships. In fact, I am in a relationship right now, as we see. And you know, honestly, I'm gonna say that if it weren't for the fact that I devoted a year to loving my own company, I don't think that I would have even met this person. Because, you know, there were a few attempts to date prior to meeting my current boyfriend, and those would go belly up. But one of the reasons why I would not waste my time is as I'm noticing, I'm like, no, you know, I don't think they're really into me. I don't think he's. He's invested. Old me would have just kind of destroyed herself and taken things on the chin and just, just, you know, please stay with me, whatever it takes. But the, the version of me that was post year of dating myself was like, okay, well, if he isn't excited about the fact that I'm inviting him into my life, that's cool, you know, no biggie. You know, he doesn't owe me nothing, but he can go on his way now and I'm gonna go back to my life. And you know, it wasn't. I needed to have that time to realize, wait, this is fucking amazing that I can do these things on my own. And now it really is. Like, no, These men are competing against the peace I feel when I'm alone.
- [18:20]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that. That is very, very powerful. And at least with me. Tell me if you felt the same way so far. Right. I don't know if I'm gonna do the whole year. So far it's been what, six months, seven months? But as these months go by, I know better what I want and what I don't want. Kind of like, you know, I look back in my head and I think about the guys I dated and I understand better, like, why did I put up with this? Or, you know, this is not something I want in my next partner. As the months go by, I kind of get more focused on what is good for me. Like you said, you know, why do I allow certain things in my life if it's not good for me? I know I'm not gonn allow that anymore.
- [19:03]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And I think there's a lot to be said. And I knew this was definitely the case for me. And I get the feeling that probably for you as well. Where I. My sense of self would wrap around the guy, his interests. Cool. Those are my interests now. He doesn't like certain things that I like. Well, it's okay. I'll never bring those up in front of him. And I molded myself to the dude, basically. Which also would mean that when things would bottom out, I would feel extra lost. Like, well, who am I? I've been pretending I'm a gym rat because he's a gym rat. Or I've been pretending I'm into craft beers because he's into craft beers and I don't even like beer.
- [19:38]
Cat Zamuto
We've all done that, right? This crazy shit. Like, you make believe you really like something at the beginning because you want to please the person.
- [19:46]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. But once you start giving yourself that time to actually just be with yourself and see what you like and what you don't like and, and, and what you value, and it really does give you this moment of like, I can stand in who I am, and instead of how do I have to form fit to keep the guy, it's who is going to match. Like, here's the shape that my values, interests, hobbies and so on makes. Where is there a complimentary shape? And if the guy is not that complimentary shape, I don't want it.
- [20:16]
Cat Zamuto
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- [21:49]
Abby Rosemarin
I was. And I really do think the fact that it was literally New Year's Eve when that came, because I don't know if I would have had that same stamina, if you will, because I do know, fittingly enough, it was around the six or seven month mark that I was like. It was almost because I already had mapped out this entire year because I would even put down month to month of like, I want to do this in September and I want to do this in October. If it weren't for the fact that I had already made the structure in place, I don't know if I would have seen it through. Because there was something to be said about, like, well, it was fun and novel, and now the novelty is starting to wear off. But this is where it, for me, at least. And again, if people are doing their own solo journeys, it can be whatever timeline they need. But I know for me, I needed that full year, especially when the novelty wore off, because so many of those relationships that were so icky were the ones where it's all great when it's novel. And as soon as the novelty wore off for him, that's when things got icky for me. And that's when I'm not being treated all that great. And I'm like, I'm not about to abandon myself when the novelty wears off the way those men did. I need to prove I'm worth investing in. So we're seeing this through to the end.
- [23:03]
Cat Zamuto
I love that. So what did you. Okay, you went to concerts, you traveled? Did you do anything else bigger? Like, did you go out of the country? Is there, like, one moment that was, like, extra special for you?
- [23:17]
Abby Rosemarin
I think for me. So there was a. Yeah, it really was this wide variety of things. I was also, like, taking classes, like a fencing class. I've never done fencing before. I was doing an axe throwing adventure, these kind of things. But for me, the biggest thing really was when I drove up to Quebec City and I decided that was going to be my New Year's Eve, cap it off, like, you know, leave the US Go into Canada. Because actually, the very first time, and this was the first time I had ever traveled solo, I was still in that abusive relationship, and I just instinctively was like, nope, spend Labor Day weekend in Quebec City. And I did that as a trip all by myself. And it was a complete bust. I was. I was a sad girl the entire time. I'm just here in my Airbnb, kind of just like crying and eating snacks. I didn't, you know, but I think even then, even in the midst of that really rough relationship, and admittedly about three weeks after Labor Day, would break up with him. But there was this understanding even back then. It's like the only way out is to do this solo and to do things by myself. And so remembering that, I was like, I am going to Quebec City by myself again. And to me, that felt just so beautiful and so symbolic. So I'm going back to this city. That was my first solo trip ever. And it was kind of a bust. Cause all I was was sad about my boyfriend. But this time around, I got to be there and be empowered and go and try out all these cool restaurants because I didn't go to a single restaurant while I was there. I think the closest I did is I got some poutine at a. Like a. Almost like a carryout takeout place. That was the closest I did. And to just return to Quebec City and go to those restaurants and see the sights and be there as my new empowered self, like, that felt so incredible.
- [25:05]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that. Because I just had a similar one. I said Monaco because, well, I was in Kent, so it was nearby. But when I was married, we used to go to Monaco every year, right. But my husband was an alcoholic. So the memories I had of being in one of the most beautiful places in the world, he was passed out on the couch of this five star hotel. And I'm literally, like you said, so sad. Walking around town by myself or sitting on in the bedroom waiting for him to wake up. Never did anything, never visited the city, never went to any restaurant. So this year I was like, you know what? I'm so close. I'm gonna go there. And I had same experience as you. I was so happy. And I was. Went to all my favorite restaurants. I was drinking champagne around town, doing videos, having the time of my life. And I actually did one video about that. Like, I transformed all these horrible memories I had with a man here into these wonderful memories for me. And that made me feel very empowered, you know, A, because I went there on my own dime. I think that's really important. And B, because like you said, we should be able to make happy memories whether you're in a relationship or not.
- [26:19]
Abby Rosemarin
Yes. I always come back to something my friend would say is laugh in the places that you had cried. And that was one of those big things that I would think about when I was in Quebec City. And basically, it sounds like it was similar for you in Morocco, where it's. Here's this place where basically I had cried. And now I get to laugh. I get to return back there and have joy and so smile.
- [26:39]
Cat Zamuto
Yes, you rewrite your story, right? But one question that I get a lot from women all over the world when they see my videos because I talk a lot about, you know, you have to learn how to be alone and happy self love. And they're like, oh, but you know, what if I feel lonely? Don't you ever feel lonely? I'm so afraid. I actually have girlfriends. They tell, I'm so afraid of being alone. They are afraid to me, this is my response. I'm like, well, I, I make myself so busy. I love everything that I do so much. My work, my projects, my lifestyle. I don't have time to feel lonely. I am very fulfilled. I don't want. I don't need a man. It's more like I want a partner, but I don't feel like I need a man to be happy. What is, what is your vibe about it? Like, did you feel lonely in your journey? How do you deal with that?
- [27:35]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, and this is an area where I'm. I'm happy to own up where there was loneliness. And it is perfectly okay that, you know, even in these, like, super empowering moments to be like, you know what I miss having my hand held. I miss forehead kisses. And I kind of have that ache. If anything, that is when it's the most important to be like. And I'm gonna. I'm not about to fire up the old Tinder. I'm gonna say, stay single. And I'm gonna kind of sit with this because then you learn, like, okay, yeah, it does suck, but I can survive this. I didn't, you know, to, to quote the Hangover, but did you die? And, and, and to know that even though, like, yes, you can, you can want love and you can miss romantic love and, and even ache for it, but it's okay to be alone. You're gonna survive being alone. And again, to, to that there's an empowerment in knowing that, like, I don't have to be with somebody because I'm afraid of being alone, that, oh, well, this person stresses me out and he doesn't treat me right and I think he's cheating on me. But you know what? It's better than being alone when you learn that being Alone is kind of awesome. Which, you know, the other thing I did was just like, what you did, where, you know, keeping myself busy. And it's like, would I even have time for a man? He better make it worth it. And. Which is empowering in and of itself. But knowing that even if that loneliness whacks you upside the head, you know, what you now know on a felt lived sense, you're gonna survive it. And then it's gonna make it a lot easier to not put up with the jackass.
- [29:08]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, my God, I love that. No 1 million percent. And the way I feel is like, I rather be alone and even if I feel lonely than with the wrong person again. And if you can go through that, you're going to wait for the right partner for you. You're not going to like, because you and I made this. And I know a lot of women make this mistake. We just keep, like, going, jumping from one bad relationship to another and another and. But if you're not afraid of being alone and you love your company, then you're going to pause and say, wait a minute. I'm going to wait for the right partner for me.
- [29:39]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And again, like, I'm. I'm always very keen to say, like. And I'm saying this as somebody who is in a phenomenal relationship. Knock on wood. This. This feels like my person. And I hope this continues on basically for as long as the fates give me this person in my life. And the only reason I feel like I had that space to bring him into my life was because I was in a place where I wasn't gonna waste my time with the jackasses. And I can think of, like, three specific dating situations off the top of my head that I, old me, would have dragged out because I was afraid of being alone. But instead, it was like, you know what?
- [30:17]
Cat Zamuto
This ain't it.
- [30:18]
Abby Rosemarin
I wish you the best, via con Dios. I'm gonna go do my own thing. I love that and that.
- [30:23]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, same. No, the same. Same, same, same. I got so tired of dating the wrong dudes for the wrong reason. I'm like, okay, stop, pause. You know, rewire, but let's peel the tea. So how did you guys meet? Like, how long after your year of dating yourself did you meet the person you're with now?
- [30:43]
Abby Rosemarin
You know, the person I met. So it's. Oh, my goodness. Let me do the math real quick. About two years after the year of dating myself.
- [30:51]
Cat Zamuto
Oh, okay. So it wasn't like, right away.
- [30:53]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, no, no, no. And in some ways, it really worked out that, you know, admittedly my personal life was just chaos for so many ways right after the year of dating myself. And I didn't get a chance to even like try out dating even if I wanted to, which kind of was like a good thing. Cause I think a part of me was champing at the bit a little bit and getting a little impatient and that kind of helped slow it down a bit. But then I first, and this really is one of those moments of wow, maybe it really is when you least expect it. Because at first I was like, nope, no dating apps. I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way. My friends would introduce me to people and that does have a different vibe. Which does seem when they do go belly up, it hits different than, well, I went on a date with this dude from Tinders and whatevs and it didn't work out. And I remember that last one where I really was just, you know, again, what that was like, hey, wish you the best. I'm gonna go do my own thing. I. For a couple of months, I just had this moment. I'm just like, you know what? I'm feeling kind of sad. And I think I'm feeling sad because there's, I'm giving myself scarcity mindset. And maybe you know what I heard hinges is okay. And you know, I'm going to go on it not to find anybody. I just need the reminder that I'm a baddie with options. And that was my whole headspace when I went and made my Hinge app or my Hinge profile. And I kid you not. And again, it was actually super empowering because if a guy didn't pass the vibe check out, if the interaction felt off out, and to have that feeling of like, I don't have to give the good guy a chance, I can filter things out. And again, I'm thinking the reason I have hinge is just to remind myself I'm a baddie with options. And you know, and I, I kid you not, after maybe two or three weeks, I was already in this place of just kind of like, okay, I've learned I'm a baddie with options. I'm out of scarcity mindset. I might just kind of ease back from this. Cause I do have a really busy life. And that is when I matched with my current boyfriend. And when I tell you from the jump, like, the energy was different. We are sending like not only those super, super long texts with each other, but we're doing like puns and dad jokes at each Other. He's the first person I have ever met that keeps me on my toes with my dad jokes. Usually I'm the one with the dad jokes that everybody else is like, oh, my God, ha ha, funny. He would deliver it back. And I'm like, oh, boy. Challenge accepted. And you know that first date, I kid you not, the best first date of my life.
- [33:26]
Cat Zamuto
That's so awesome. I love a good dating app love story because I know so many people get discouraged. Like, I'm never gonna do this again. It's so tough. La la. But there are really nice people out there on dating apps trying to find a nice relationship. So you gotta give it a whirl.
- [33:43]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And if anything, again, being secure in yourself is the is number one. Like, when we're feeling that loneliness, that is a laps. The last thing we should be doing is firing up the dating apps.
- [33:55]
Cat Zamuto
Totally.
- [33:56]
Abby Rosemarin
Because there are these gems under a lot of garbage.
- [34:00]
Cat Zamuto
Holy crap.
- [34:01]
Abby Rosemarin
There's a lot of garbage. You're gonna have to sift through that garbage. And the only way, again, the whole reason I was on Hinge was I'm a baddie with options. I sifted through a lot of garbage. And it is actually very empowering to be like, you know what? I don't have to give this person a chance. I don't like how he just talked with me and instead of, oh, let me just. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Nope, we're out of here.
- [34:22]
Cat Zamuto
Don't settle.
- [34:24]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And the only. I think really the only way that you can keep that headspace is if you are secure in yourself and, and, and okay with being alone. Because it's like, yeah, when I'm basically clicking unmapped on this guy, that does mean that I'm not going to go on a date with him. And maybe I'll be alone for a little bit longer, but that's a good thing because that dude just did not pass the vibe check with me.
- [34:46]
Cat Zamuto
I love that. And how long are you guys dating now?
- [34:50]
Abby Rosemarin
So we've been together for about a couple of months now, which I know.
- [34:53]
Cat Zamuto
Sounds like I know a lot of people. It's like, when, you know, you know, I get the stories. I know couples that are married that have been together for and they're like, you know, when I knew, I knew, like, I knew this person was my person. So, I mean, yeah, you're still in the honeymoon phase, but this could be your perfect person, you know? Sounds good.
- [35:14]
Abby Rosemarin
Exactly. And you know, it really is, you know, and again, Time will tell, and I will let the universe do what the universe is going to do. But it really is when you know, you know. And there's. And here's the big thing that again, I don't think I would have been able to truly appreciate this without having that chance to see what my nervous system feels like when I'm alone. And I have that peace when I'm alone. I have that peace when I'm with him. And to me, that has been more than the butterflies and the things in common and the attraction and the chemistry and even the dad jokes is the fact that when I'm around him, I have that same kind of peace. And I'm like, okay, that to me, lets me know that this might be my person.
- [35:53]
Cat Zamuto
I think that's very key, what you just said, because love is. Is peaceful, Right? A good relationship brings you that peaceful, nice vibe. It doesn't bring stress and chaos into your life. Right? So if you need that vibe, very likely you're. You're on the right track before I let you go. So let's say someone out there is listening to us. They're like, you know, I'm gonna give this a whirl. I want to do the. The year of dating me, maybe six months of a man died, something similar. Any pointers, any suggestions? So it doesn't feel overwhelming because for you, you. You and I, we were able to do it, but I know for a lot of women it sounds very scary and very overwhelming. Do you have any ideas or baby steps how someone can ease themselves into this process?
- [36:38]
Abby Rosemarin
Yeah, 100%. And it always depends on what works for people and what doesn't. I know for me, being able to list things out and kind of like plan things out where, you know, whether it is, like, you know what I'm going to do my, my six months, my man diet, I'm going to do maybe three months. Maybe I'm just planning it out month by month. But I'm just going to take a moment, sit down, and really. And even if we don't go on these dates, kind of write out, like, what are some things that I would like to do if I could wave this magic wand and be the person who could be super confident and do these things, walk into the room, own it, and then do whatever event that I want to do. What are those things? And again, we don't even have to do them. It's just writing them out might get that ball rolling. And honestly, I'm a believer and this was a huge element of the year of dating myself as well. That, you know, it's okay if it's a, you know, a group date, if you will, and that, I mean, you reinvest in your platonic community. It's like, what if I'm doing three months of essentially making sure that I used to go out to brunch with my romantic partner. I'm going out to brunch with my besties now. And, you know, letting that be the platform to also learn. Like, okay, I can. I can thrive in my platonic community without. Without a man. Now I can thrive solo too, without a man. And it can even be these little small things. Like I mentioned, I went to my local ice skating rink and just did that solo. And a lot of people just go ice skating by themselves. It doesn't have to be like, I have to go out to a restaurant and buy myself flowers and go to a concert. What if I'm like, you know, what a nice stroll down the beach. But it's a solo stroll down the beach.
- [38:14]
Cat Zamuto
Baby steps. I love that. Thank you so much. Congratulations. I love the book. And now last night I started reading another one of your books. That is adorable. The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing. Congratulations. Go read it, guys. I highly recommend. It's an easy, super fun read. It's on Amazon. The link is here on this audio episode. And I wish you the very best and much love to you and your. Your beautiful partner.
- [38:42]
Abby Rosemarin
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. And likewise, I wish the for you too.
- [38:46]
Cat Zamuto
Thank you.
- [38:46]
Abby Rosemarin
I really appreciate.
- [38:47]
Cat Zamuto
It was such an honor having you, Abby and girls go out there. Self love first and foremost. Right, Abby?
- [38:53]
Abby Rosemarin
Self love first. Again, I'm saying this as somebody in the honeymoon phase. Self love first.
- [38:58]
Cat Zamuto
There you go. I'll see you guys very soon. Thank you. And this one is for everyone that loves to play poker and is planning a trip to Las Vegas. I just came back from Las Vegas. I found out about this and I want to share with you guys because I have had so much fun. I'm inviting you to go check out the most fun, most private poker game in town. Held right inside Aria's resort VIP poker room. It's called table one and I love the name. And it's very fitting because this is the most exclusive, hottest poker table in town right now. Even if you're not that into poker or new to the game and want to try it out, this is a great opportunity to network with businessmen, athletes and celebrities in a super exclusive environment. Mr. Beast has played there. Dan Bilzerian has played there. Golf pros have played in it. It's like an elite, exclusive social club, but also a really, really fun, cool environment. And you're gonna play Texas no Limit Hold' em and you're gonna have so much fun. It's blowing up. Definitely one of the hottest places in all of Las Ve. However, your name needs to be on the list in order for you to gain access. So make sure you send me a message if you want to do it through Instagram. Catzamuto z a m m u t o dm there or text me or WhatsApp on 1310-692-0578 to reserve your seat for priority access. And I am going to give you some incredible special comps that are only available to my guests. You guys gotta listen to this. They will reimburse your Aria Hotel fee for up to $350 for each day you play the game. They will give you private transportation from the airport to the hotel, and they will give you access to special airfare deals for business and first class tickets. I mean, these guys will totally roll out the red carpet for you and you're going to have so much fun. So if you're planning a trip to Las Vegas, let me hook you up with table one and you are going to love it. Don't forget, send me a message.