Kat on the Loose – “Top Dating & Relationships Coach Mat Boggs”

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Mat Boggs
Date: February 20, 2025

Episode Overview

In this dynamic episode of Kat on the Loose, Kat Zammuto dives deep into love, dating, and relationships with renowned coach and author Mat Boggs. Their conversation is candid and empowering, focusing on how to navigate modern dating pitfalls, cultivate genuine connections, trust one's instincts, and create a healthy mindset for finding lasting love. Mat shares practical strategies and memorable personal stories, all in the raw, unfiltered tone that defines this top global relationships podcast.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Finding “Real” People in a World of Dating Apps

• The Dating App Dilemma:
  Kat points out the universal complaint about online dating: “There are so many players and so many liars... is there any way to spot someone real?” (04:10)

• Mat’s Mindset Shift:

  • "If we get really frustrated with the scammers... what we're actually doing is we're connecting ourselves to those people through negative energy." (06:06)
  • “Way better is to actually begin to put our attention on the possibilities of what it is you do want.” (06:21)
  • Mat encourages focusing on attracting what you truly desire, not on what frustrates you.

• Swiping with Positive Intention:

  • “The energy that we do [swiping left] with really matters.” (10:32)
  • “Instead say, may you find love easily... you've put good energy out there and it will come back.” (12:29)

2. The Stories We Tell Ourselves

• Reticular Activating System:
  • “The more people that we swipe against, the story becomes, well, there's no good people online… And so what happens is, because then we tell ourselves there's no good people online, we will literally be blind to the high quality people…” (08:51)
  • Mat shares a powerful client story where her beliefs blinded her to a potential match who’d already messaged her. (09:43)

3. Honesty vs. “White Lies” in Dating

• Should You Fudge the Truth?
  • Kat: “I don't like starting anything whatsoever with a lie… even if it's your age…” (13:13)
  • Mat: “If you have a high value on integrity and honesty, then we want to lead with that… All lies are rooted in fear.” (13:47, 17:07)
  • He explains a nuanced scenario where you adjust your profile age but openly acknowledge it for searchability, not deception:
    • “In your profile you say... I value honesty and integrity. I adjusted my birthday so you can find me. My real age is 51.” (15:00)
  • Both agree honesty is essential for long-lasting connections.

4. Why People Lie – The Role of Fear

• Root Cause of Dishonesty:
  • “All lies are rooted in fear. Fear that the truth is not enough. Fear that if they actually say the truth, that they're not going to ultimately get the life that they want…” (17:07)
  • The solution: “Shift the belief. The belief needs to be generating a state of what I call love abundance.” (17:40)

5. Dealing with Imperfections and “The Right Person”

• “It’s Really Hard to Screw Up the Right Thing”
  • “The right person... that connection is going to overcome all the mistakes and the little imperfections that we have.” (19:08)
• Clarity on What You Want:
  • Kat’s “non-negotiables” list leads to Mat’s advice: Narrow your desires to the top 5 and, on each date, only ask, “Do I want to see this person one more time?” (21:30-22:15)
  • Mat’s personal story: How he and his wife overcame geographic deal-breakers because he “changed his mind” after connecting with her. (22:43-23:10)
    • “If my current wife had counted me out based on where I said I wanted to live on our first date, we wouldn’t be married today.” (22:43)
    • Memorable Meet-Cute: They met at a wedding expo by sheer coincidence. (23:32-24:58)

6. Trusting Your Gut Instinct

• Listening to Intuition:

  • Kat reflects on dating a man despite her gut instinct telling her it was wrong. (28:27)
  • Mat: “Your gut literally has neural connections, 4 to 500,000 neural connections and a direct line to your brain. And so your body will know things before your head will…” (33:18)
  • “When you’re on a date… when you leave, do you feel a sense of expansion… or does it feel constrictive?” (33:18)

• Don't Date Potential:

  • “When we start dating potential, it’s a recipe for disaster.” (33:01)

7. Communication & Expressing Needs

• Directness Leads to Clarity:
  • “Here’s what I’m noticing. Here’s my experience… What I would love is this other experience. How does that connect to you? Are you in for that or not?” (34:33)
  • Kat: “If you don’t talk to the person and you don’t tell them what you need… maybe they’re not gonna guess right.” (35:10)
• Talking “Vision” on the First Date:
  • Mat’s favorite opener: “What is your vision for your love life?” (35:49)
  • “Speak what you want in your love life with the understanding that this other person isn’t that person yet...” (36:00)

8. Chasing Love vs. Attracting Love

• “You’ll Find It When You’re Not Lacking”
  • “It’s not that you’ll find it when you’re not looking, it’s you’ll find it when you’re not lacking... when we're coming from this place of scarcity which then creates this chase energy, we push love away.” (37:42)
  • “When we come from a having energy... that’s the most attractive state we can be in.” (38:58)

9. Happiness Comes from Within

• You Can’t Outsource Your Joy:

  • “If you expect someone to make you happy because you are so unhappy in your own life, I don't think that works.” – Kat (39:33)
  • Mat’s summation: “You will find the love of your life on the path of living a life you love.” (41:25)
  • Practical Exercise:
    “Write down 50 things… you would love to do in this life… begin to do those things… and watch what happens.” (41:25)

• Kat’s personal transformation after an abusive marriage:

  • “I was like, you know what? I’m gonna do everything that I love to do… and I attract the most amazing people…” (42:40)

10. Meeting People Organically & “Love Ambassadors”

• Don’t Give Up on Love:
  • Mat on dating apps: “What we're doing is we're basically sending a signal out to life saying, I'm open, like, I'm available. I am willing to receive this relationship now.” (44:18)
  • “Do it for your partner, because they're most likely on a dating app also trying to find you.” (44:54)
• Alternatives to Apps:
  • Love Ambassadors: Ask trusted friends to keep an eye out for matches based on your top five qualities. (45:18)
  • Social Momentum: Be open and friendly in public places, invite serendipity. (46:00)
  • Manifestation Story:
    • A client wanted certain traits—including “man in a kilt.” After staying open and enlisting friends, she met her perfect match (who, unknowingly, wore a kilt at their wedding!). (47:24-48:41)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Energy & Attraction:
  “If you’re looking for something more meaningful, deep and lasting, then what you do is you put your energy and your focus there while letting the other interactions wash off of you like water off a duck’s back.” – Mat (06:06)

• On Beliefs: “If we tell ourselves there’s no good people online, we will literally be blind to the high quality people and only see the people who aren’t good quality for us.” – Mat (08:51)

• On Integrity: “Be integrous, be honest. Because... all lies are rooted in fear.” – Mat (16:51, 17:07)

• On Gut Instincts: “Your body will know things before your head will.” – Mat (33:18)

• On Chasing vs. Attracting: “It’s not that you’ll find it when you’re not looking—it’s you’ll find it when you’re not lacking.” – Mat (37:42)

• On Creating Your Own Joy:
  “You will find the love of your life on the path of living a life you love.” – Mat (41:25)

• On Openness to Love:
  “The key is being open to love—never give up on finding love. And the right person for you will find you back.” – Kat (48:41)

Timestamps by Topic

• [03:08] Kat welcomes Mat and sets the tone for a candid discussion.
• [04:10] Navigating dating apps & spotting real intentions.
• [06:06] Energy focus: attract what you desire, not what you fear.
• [08:51] How beliefs shape online dating experience.
• [10:32] Sending positive energy when rejecting matches.
• [13:13] Debate: Is lying on dating profiles ever okay?
• [17:07] Why people lie—fear, not enoughness, and what to do.
• [19:08] Why it’s “really hard to screw up the right thing.”
• [21:30-22:15] The “top five” essentials list for relationship seekers.
• [22:43-24:58] Mat’s personal love story: overcoming geographical differences.
• [28:27-34:18] Gut instinct: following emotional and physical cues in dating.
• [34:33-37:02] Communication: How to have honest, direct conversations about needs.
• [37:42-38:58] “Having energy” and the myth that love only comes when you’re not looking.
• [41:25] The “Fantastic 50” exercise for joyful living and manifesting love.
• [44:18-48:41] Alternatives to dating apps: openness, love ambassadors, and social momentum.
• [48:41] Final takeaways: don’t give up on love.

Tone & Takeaways

• Upbeat, practical, and deeply empathetic
• Encourages self-love, personal empowerment, and intentionality
• Lean into honesty, positivity, and trusting your intuition
• “Date for the right reasons, be honest with yourself and others, and remain open—love can (and will) find you in unexpected places.”
• Mat Boggs’ takeaway: “Be open, be a force for love, and create the magic you want in your love life.”

Connect with Mat Boggs

• Instagram link attached to the episode
• YouTube channel (search “Mat Boggs” for relationship videos)

This summary captures the depth, candor, and optimism of the episode, offering valuable insights for anyone navigating the modern world of love and dating.