Bert Ranks the Most Entertaining Comics to Travel With - Interview + Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: KFC Radio - "Bert Ranks the Most Entertaining Comics to Travel With - Interview + Episode"

Release Date: March 25, 2025

KFC Radio, hosted by Barstool Sports’ Kevin Clancy and John Feidelberg, welcomes renowned comedian Bert Kreischer in this engaging episode. The conversation delves deep into Bert’s comedic journey, his experiences with Netflix specials, handling criticism, and his perspectives on the evolving comedy landscape.

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1. Introduction and Opening Remarks

The episode kicks off with the hosts briefly mentioning where listeners can access KFC Radio, emphasizing platforms like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and Amazon Music for ad-free listening.

2. Bert's Comedy Specials and Netflix Journey

Bert Kreischer opens up about his relationship with Netflix, discussing the success of his specials. He shares a pivotal moment when Netflix informed him that his latest special, "Secret Time," was highly regarded for its unique blend of humor that could make audiences both laugh and cry (02:08).

Notable Quote:

"I wanted to try to do this thing where you get people to cry and laugh at the same time... it was crazy because ... dudes coming up and they're like, dude, you have me fucking balling my eyes out." – Bert Kreischer (03:13)

3. Overcoming Fear and Embracing Growth

Bert candidly discusses his fears surrounding the release of a new special after taking a nine-month hiatus from stand-up. Drawing inspiration from fellow comedian Bill Burr, Bert emphasizes the importance of continuous innovation to prevent stagnation in comedy (02:46).

Notable Quote:

"It's when you get stagnant in comedy that you start... to do one thing over and over." – Bert Kreischer (02:54)

4. Handling Criticism and Online Hate

The conversation shifts to the challenges Bert faces with online criticism. He shares his philosophy of embracing who he is and not letting others dictate his persona, even when mocked for his personal life choices (04:00).

Notable Quote:

"If you're gonna be who I am... Everything's a fucking joke. If they're gonna make fun of you, let them make fun of you." – Bert Kreischer (04:36)

5. Impact of Competitors and Rankings

Bert reflects on the competitive nature of Netflix rankings, mentioning how his special performed exceptionally well despite the simultaneous release of other popular shows like "Tiger King." He discusses the nuances of Netflix’s algorithm and viewer retention (18:19).

Notable Quote:

"The algorithms are crazy... I think that’s what it is." – Bert Kreischer (19:29)

6. Personal Life and Relationships

Bert touches upon his personal life, specifically his relationship with his wife, Leanne. He narrates a heartfelt story influenced by Tommy Chong’s advice on choosing one's reality, illustrating the strength and support within his marriage (30:50).

Notable Quote:

"I have to give her an opportunity by opening my mind and allowing myself to love this band... I choose my reality." – Bert Kreischer (32:20)

7. Future Plans: Touring and New Material

Looking ahead, Bert shares his excitement about upcoming tours, including performances at iconic venues like Red Rocks. He hints at experimenting with new comedic elements, such as leather pants and no shoes, to keep his material fresh and engaging (104:42).

Notable Quote:

"I'm actually really thinking about opening a bar in LA... It's all about the vibes." – Bert Kreischer (51:10)

8. Supporting Fellow Comedians

Bert emphasizes the importance of uplifting fellow comedians, reflecting on his admiration for peers like Shane Gillis. He discusses the unspoken camaraderie and mutual support within the comedy community, despite occasional rivalries (74:45).

Notable Quote:

"He is going to be the best comedic actor of our generation. There is no one that can hold a candle to him." – Bert Kreischer (76:32)

9. Concluding Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, Bert reinforces his commitment to evolving as a comedian and maintaining authenticity. The hosts express their appreciation for Bert’s insights and humor, wrapping up the conversation on a high note.

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Conclusion: This episode of KFC Radio offers a deep dive into Bert Kreischer’s comedic evolution, his strategies for staying relevant, and his personal philosophies on handling success and criticism. Listeners gain valuable insights into the challenges and triumphs of a seasoned comedian navigating the modern entertainment landscape.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments, focusing solely on the substantive discussions between Bert Kreischer and the KFC Radio hosts.

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Timestamp References

• 02:08
• 02:46
• 02:54
• 03:13
• 04:00
• 04:36
• 18:19
• 19:29
• 30:50
• 32:20
• 51:10
• 74:45
• 76:32
• 104:42

Please note that actual in-context timestamp links are not active.

Transcript

[Kevin Clancy]

Hey, KFC Radio listeners. You can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Bert Kreischer]

You can tell. You can tell someone's funny when they're just funny. And. And they're like, shane wasn't even that great on stage yet, I don't think. But he was in the green room.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's a funny person.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was just. He is just funny. Yeah, he's just funny. And he was in the green room. We were in Philly. We were doing a Calling Sick to Work show. And it was. He's just like, hey, so I heard we're drinking today. It's like 10 in the morning. I go, yeah, let's do fireball shots. He's like, oh, okay. So he's telling me a story and he mentions his girlfriend. Her name's like, Big Tuna. And I. I said, what? And he goes, it's her nickname. And I went, no, I know. Like, it's crazy. I've never had a special trend over six.

[John Feidelberg]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

And they've all done really well.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm surprised by that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never have one get over a six. And this one has been like. It was a two for half. Yeah, it's been a three. Stand there.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

So it's. They texted me the day it came out and Netflix said they're like, huge special. I was like, really, dude? That.

[Kevin Clancy]

Are we rolling? Are we good? Yo. That is so encouraging to hear because I was thinking we. We were talking that this is your sixth Netflix special, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

My six special of fourth Netflix.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, but.

[John Feidelberg]

But you had your. Your. The Bert Kreischer collection below. It had six things in it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. So it's the machine. Yeah. I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

But either way, my point being was.

[John Feidelberg]

In there, so maybe. Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But the fact that you have that and like, you're still growing like that. This did the best. You know what I mean? I would almost think that if I was at your level, part of my thought would be like, I've peaked. And like, I plateaued and there's no way I can keep going up. It's like, no, you can keep going.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, that's exactly what I was thinking all this whole last nine months.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was, I was actually. I've actually been terrified for this special to come out because. Because I was like, I. You just don't do stand up enough. When you stop doing stand up. I've taken nine months off when you stop doing stand up, you just start going, I suck Yeah, I suck. This is no good. No one's gonna like it. Everyone's gonna hate this dog story. I should have never put it in. I should have ended on a joke. What the am I doing? Trying to be. I wanted. I have to give credit to, like, Bill Burr was the first person I ever noticed that every special he did something different than he had done before. He seemed like he was challenging himself whether it was one special. He had this really brilliant act out. And I remember talking to him about it and he was like, yeah, you gotta, gotta keep trying new stuff.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it is true. It's when you get stagnant in comedy is you start, you just become this. I do the one thing is this, does that machine.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so I challenged myself when I told the machine the first time, 12 minute story. And I was like, wow, man, I've grown. And then on. On secret time, I found this. I got. I learned how to make a special for Netflix. And on this one I was like, I want to try to do this thing where you get people to cry and laugh at the same time.

[Kevin Clancy]

And accomplished.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was. But it was crazy because we were. It was happening on the road and it was like, dudes coming up and they're like, dude, you have me fucking balling my eyes out, man. He's like, what the fuck, man? And I'm crying, laughing, and God damn it, man. Like, fuck, you better put that in special. But I was like, I was like, I don't know. I thought I was going to get mocked, you know?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, well, yeah, that really surprised me. He just told us that in the hallway. But I did not like watching it live. I was, I didn't cry. I'm not much of a crier, but.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm taking my shoes off. I hope you don't mind. So uncomfortable this close to saying, open one of those bottles of whiske.

[Kevin Clancy]

I got a drink for you, by the way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

We'll do it a little bit.

[John Feidelberg]

But like, watching it, I was like, I, I thought it was great and awesome, but I like, never did. I think like, oh, people might mock him for this or something like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, oh, I get mocked for everything online. I mean, my whole life. I live my life out loud. And you just, you just got to realize if you're going to be who I am. Where I've posted pictures of, of my semi hard dick in a Speedo. I posted pictures of both my girls crying when I dropped them off in college. Both of them. If you're going to do that, you can't be a about it and be like, oh, they don't like it. They're gonna make fun of it. Even, like, Legion of skanks mocked me for the dick picture. They were just. And. But you go, dude, that's what you are. You're a comedian. Everything's a fucking joke. If they're gonna. If people are gonna make fun of you, let them make fun of you. That's them making fun of you. You would do it if you were them. And right. So.

[Kevin Clancy]

But yeah, once you realize. And some people are not jokes, some people are just assholes, but most people are just, like, busting your balls, talking. And the same way you do it to other people, once you kind of, like, can look through that lens, it's like none of this really matters. And, I mean, on this, I get a ton of hate, too. And, like, you just. If you let that stop you. What the are you doing? Yeah, we were just saying the other day, you, like, bro, you have dominated life. You've absolutely. You own life, right? Like, your family's happy, the money, the. The. You're always, like, partying. You're the life of the party. Like, your wife's great. You've crushed it. And if there's going to be some people who talk online, I mean, fine, bro, if that's the one drawback, you're coming out way ahead.

[Bert Kreischer]

Georgia is leaving, studying abroad. She's been studying abroad for 90 days, and she watched a special and texted me. And she goes, dad, this is amazing. She's like, I'm so proud of you.

[Kevin Clancy]

And they hate you.

[Bert Kreischer]

She was like, I had to skip through the sex with mom.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was gonna say, did she like all of it? Because the first 10, I was thinking, boy, when. When you're going, george and I love us, be like, ah.

[John Feidelberg]

I can't believe you had any fear about the special. After the opening. Opening. 3 seconds, 5 seconds, whatever time it was when you throw the shirt and it lands right on the mic stand, I was like, that's the most Bert Kreisler thing in the world. Like, it perfectly landed on the mic stand.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't believe he wasn't just confident because you were shredded up.

[John Feidelberg]

I can see that you put a few back.

[Bert Kreischer]

What if you get too skinny? It's not a problem.

[John Feidelberg]

Guys.

[Bert Kreischer]

I got these things. Take care of it.

[John Feidelberg]

You know, Bread, you know what I was thinking? While I forget what story you were telling, but it actually kind of a nice moment where it Was zoomed in close on you. And the background of the special looks very Taylor Swift. It looked very like Lover.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, oh, I didn't know that.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, the Lover album is kind of like that pink with the blue kind of deal.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

And then I saw the watch, and I don't even know what. I'm not a watch guy. I don't know what kind of watch it is, but. But my thought was, I bet the first time the machine story was told, he wasn't thinking, I'm going be telling this with a Rolex on one day.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I did not have that watch then, but my dad gave me that for my 40th birthday.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. So that watch is. That watch is not, oddly enough, like, not my favorite watch. But my dad gave it to me, and Joe Coy at one time texted me, and when I did Secret Time, and he was like, subtle flex. I love the watch. I was like. And I never even acknowledged. I never knew. I never knew you could get hate from people that saw a watch on you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, watch. People get big time. Like, oh, oh, yeah. This brand versus that brand or this model versus that model. And, you know all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Or even. Or even, like, people going, dude, that guy, he has a Rolex.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't need to watch him. So I'll keep my wrist real low today because the one I have on is, bro. Sick.

[John Feidelberg]

Hell yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you. Hey, suck my dick. I just got myself robbed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude. How about Secret Time for this? I hope I'm not talking out of school, but I was just with Bert in Austin. He told me a few things first thing, and it's actually very funny to see now that the special came out and, you know it's a hit because this told me leading up to the special, he said, this is my last one. I'm done.

[John Feidelberg]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

I said, or maybe you said one more.

[Bert Kreischer]

I said. I said, one more. Oh, one more.

[Kevin Clancy]

You said, one more and one more tour, and I'm done. I said, you've no chance that that's the case. And then also, he was flying to Palm Springs to. To go Rolex shopping. He goes, I'm only gonna buy one more. Yeah, none of these things are happening. You're just doing all these things many more times.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'md all of this. I had intended to do one more tour, one more special, and be done. And then I did stand up this weekend in Vegas, and I did two hours on Saturday night, and I'm like, I'm not even close. Wrote, I have one of the Best stories that I made me laugh so hard and murdered about Leanne. Take Leanne. It's so embarrassing. So, you know, we're empty nesters. I'm not going to do the whole bit, but I'll tell you the premise. Leanne, recently, her and her friends took a stripping class, and so she came. I didn't know about it. And she gave me an unrequested lap dance. And this woman has never been to a strip club.

[John Feidelberg]

She didn't.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, seeing your sister naked, I was like, what are you doing? What?

[John Feidelberg]

Stop.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're this up. I, I, I won't be able to unsee this every time I get a real lap dance. And I, I, I just casually told it on to, like, to the, to Catherine Blamford. And then backstage. Yeah. And then I was like, I bet it might be a bit. And so I did it as a bit. And as soon as I did it, I was like, okay, like, this is gonna. And then I, I have the, like, the greatest. I mean, I have so much new, great new material. I'm, like, so excited. I have a, I have a great joke about Shaq's dick. I got so many great jokes. I'm like, okay, I'm on. I'm on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, dude, especially.

[Bert Kreischer]

Permission to party. World tour starts September 18th, and I'm going hard in the paint. I'm gonna cancel a movie to do this.

[John Feidelberg]

I was gon. Hey, didn't you and Shaq, like, Didn't Sha just put out, like, a dude? It's a challenge.

[Kevin Clancy]

The premise of the movie is unbelievable. Is that all there?

[Bert Kreischer]

No. No one knows it. No one knows it.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's absurd.

[Bert Kreischer]

The premise of this movie is so good. So good. And Shaq put it in the universe. He gets what he wants. That guy's. That guy's the man for a reason.

[John Feidelberg]

It happened already. This was before happening.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, this was after filming it. Us.

[Bert Kreischer]

We're, we, we, we have, we're in a. We're working that out. We're working that out. Yeah. Jack's the man. Shax the man.

[John Feidelberg]

I, I was gonna ask, like, you know, Kevin had mentioned you might, you know, whatever. You'd flirt with the idea of, of hanging it up. And I was gonna be like, what are you gonna do? Like, you love this, but you got plenty of things.

[Kevin Clancy]

But no, but also, like, this the type of comic and person you are. You're gonna tell me that Bert Kreischer's not gonna have a special or comedy or material when he's a Grandfather.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

When you are. Now you're empty nesters. Now you have your grandkids. Now you have this, like. As long as you're alive, you're going to have stories to tell, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

I just got to figure out how to transition into shirts. I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

At some point it's going to get gross.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know how I'm going to be 72 years old. Just unbuttoning it. Just hold on, guys. Dude, I, I, I, I'm. I would love to be like that old man comic and like, and sit in a, sit in a chair and do stand up with a cigar and a drink. Yeah, I would love to do that. Yeah. Do a little white action, right?

[John Feidelberg]

How, how much, how old? Different are you than Asian Marin does. Marin sits on a stool a lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

Does he? Yeah, he does. He does. He. I don't know how old Marin is. Those guys are all, like, sneaky. I don't know. Like, some guys. There's some guys that are like. And I know people maybe get affected by, like, saying they're older. That would bother them. I mean, bothers me. I, I'll tell you what. This is crazy. So I released Special. I'm, I'm telling you all the secrets. Okay. I definitely am gonna need a drink.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm texting Jackie right now to get his glasses.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I released Special. I do not know how it does. It comes out at midnight. You get a full day on the site before you find out if you're trending.

[John Feidelberg]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

The 24 hours, it seems like everyone seems like they like it. Like, I'm seeing positive stuff online, but you never know, right? And, and the real key is, like. And I'm just being very real. All the kids, and I say kids are my friends that I helped or worked with when they were younger are all doing really big things. And you wonder, am I irrelevant? Like, am I, do I still matter? Like, does it, like, you know, I know my friends think I'm funny, but, like, to the landscape at large, are they like. They're like, he had his time. Yeah, we're ready for the next generation. I mean, Schultz is special. Is fucking amazing. Gillis's beautiful dogs might be one of my favorite specials I've ever seen. And Gillis is doing record numbers in any city he goes to. He sets record attendance for the arena. For the arena.

[Kevin Clancy]

Comedy.

[Bert Kreischer]

For the building. For the building. And, And I. I definitely remember setting record attendances. Those are gone now. I remember.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Now you're only doing 15,000.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Getting blacks. Congratulations. Record attendance, bro.

[John Feidelberg]

Now someone sweeping up a good show. Yeah, it's like, but again, you're doing what?

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, you know, LeBron's putting up like 6 and 6. It's not 27, 7 and 7 anymore. You're still right there, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't listen, I don't need to. I don't need to be the best. I don't need to be the goat. I don't need everyone to say, you're my favorite. What? All I want was, like, people to watch my special and go, it's good. And I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm happy. I don't need it to be the highest I ever had. One trend, I think was like six maybe. And I was like, oh, I'm good with that. Maybe four. I was like, that's all I need. And so I give it 24 hours. I wake up, I do morning radio and get good response from the guys, but I'm like, I don't want to. I'm not gonna look at Netflix. So if it's not trending, it'll fuck my day up, right? And so I'm not gonna. It's like, I don't need that push content. Don't pull it. So I get better take a nap after a nap after radio. And I get a text from a kid I really like. His name's Ricky Velez. He's so funny. I just saw whatever he did on YouTube. I saw a bunch of clips maybe on his Instagram. And I, I. When I saw it, and it was probably like two months ago, three months ago, maybe later than that, earlier, I was like, dude, he's doing what I was trying to do when I was his age, but at way better than I was at that age.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're talking about, like, what is that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Family?

[Kevin Clancy]

And talking about the stand up or.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like the stand up. His stand up stand up. And I'm like, I'm like, dude, he's doing what I. What I was trying to do at that age, but he's doing it way better. And I just, I was like, in my feelings. Like, like, in your head. No, I texted him like, dude, you're hilarious. I didn't dislike him, but I was like, God damn it, man. I was trying to do that and I couldn't do that. He's so much better than I am at that age. And he texts me and he's like, dude, I've been with you for a minute. Your special's awesome. Dude, you're keep killing it. You keep. You push this pace or whatever it is.

[Kevin Clancy]

Really, bro, you're like the pioneer of this trailblazers.

[Bert Kreischer]

I started crying. I was like, I was like, I matter. Like, I'm like, it's like the idea that like I'm. I get to still play in the game. I get to still. I get to still suit up and then.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, no, I'm gonna stop you. You're talking like, you know, you're some like 12th man off the bench getting like garbage time.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're number two special on Netflix, bro. You're still in.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the end of the story. Is. Is I then check my messages and every message is from everyone I work with. Everyone. They're like number two. Number two.

[Kevin Clancy]

And you know what? It would have been number one if it wasn't for that little on adolescence. I saw Lee and posted and I wrote the comment. I said, number two is amazing. You're probably not gonna knock that little off. Everyone's sucking adolescence's dick, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bad timing.

[Kevin Clancy]

You would have been number one.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You want a banger?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the rule. The way Netflix works, trending, ignore it. If there's nothing. If you're. It's scary. If you're number one, that might mean that there's nothing competing against you, which definitely means no one's bringing. Strangers aren't coming to the platform and finding you, right. If you are. If you are. What do you want?

[Kevin Clancy]

You want whiskey?

[Bert Kreischer]

I want anything.

[John Feidelberg]

I. I had.

[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

I. I don't have to pull up the app. I know what I'm going to. This weekend we're doing Segura. Segura is at msg. Who's opening? Kirk Fox. Yeah, he's right. He told us. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hope so.

[John Feidelberg]

But he had said that we were out there.

[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Bert Kreischer]

So I'll tell you this. So I. One of the highest I've returned, I think was like four, maybe. I think four. I'm gonna say four. I'll tell you, that was my biggest special. By far my biggest special. And. And I don't know if I'll ever get as big as that one special. Do you know what dropped the same week my special dropped? A show called Tiger King.

[Kevin Clancy]

I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It didn't hurt that that everyone in the country was asked to stay in their house three days before, but I.

[John Feidelberg]

Was dancing about the pandemic, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, number. I think it was number six. Or number four. And I remember going. I was like. I was like, this fucking. The feedback's crazy. Like, I mean, I go to my Instagram and I was like, so many people are watching. I was like, what the fuck? And then I figured. And then I watched one guy trend at number one, but then, like, just disappear. And I get the numbers. I shouldn't say that, but I get numbers.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was like, he does special didn't do as good as mine did. And it's because of what is showing up on the platform. So when I saw Adolescents as number one and me as number two, I was like, nice, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

People are saying that it's like the best piece of television the last like 20 years. So you're everyone behind that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone said that. Cheers, guys. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. Oh, yeah, it's the algorithm. Those algorithms are crazy. You know, I, I've said this before, but like that Netflix changed the way we do. I do a special because I, I always put closers at 22 minutes.

[John Feidelberg]

I read that in LA, was LA Times interview.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, I talked to you about this in Austin. Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

I did my. When I didn't see your time, they. They said, I was with a couple people in the green room. I'll say their names just out of respect for them, but the. One of the guys is a really, really big comic. And he goes, yeah, man. He's like, they only watch 30 minutes. And I was like, what? He goes, they only watch 30 minutes. He goes, I can still do my closer from my special. No one saw it. Everyone turns it off 30 minutes.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he's like, you should do a 30 minute special with them. And I was like, well, the art forms an hour. And then this other person said, no, they watched the whole thing. You might be able to tell who that person is by that. And. And then I watched that person special and I barely got through 14 minutes. And I was like, oh, wow. And then I was like, why didn't I want to? And then I went to that person's closer. It was a really good closer. I went, why didn't they put that earlier? And so I said, all right, I'm gonna do this. I took secret time. It was a zip lining story about taking my family ziplining and when in doubt, spread them out. And I took it and I just. And I took everything in the back that was like really building to it. And I just kind of front loaded it and then put that at like 24, 22 minutes. So I go, okay, so if they're only watching 30 minutes, they're watching a gangster ass. 30 minutes. And then I was like. And then I'll. I'll slow down the rest of it. Shaq. Yeah, the. He calls us up. So. And. And then. And when I got the numbers back from Netflix, they brought me in and they sat me down and they go, your rate of retention was the highest we've ever had on the platform.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's the name of the game these days.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they're like, can you tell us what you did? And I was like. I was like, yeah, man. I just. I put my closer at 22. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah, that.

[Kevin Clancy]

To me, it was Nimish.

[John Feidelberg]

It was with Nimash.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, the other day, and we were talking about that. And like, I. That's not like the art form. You're still. You're not totally radicalizing, changing it, but it's just like a little tweak that's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is what the audience does, is it forces you to write two closers.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Then you have two closers to choose from. So for this one, I want to say oven mitts is at 24. I want to say either oven mitts or I want to say it's oven miss, maybe traffic cones. But one, one of them. And then. And then the closer. The other closer was the dog closer, which I couldn't put anywhere up there.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that's also like a different type of closer. You know, one's like this funny, like a joke, a story, and this is, like a heartfelt thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

So. Yeah, and that's. And then. And then.

[Kevin Clancy]

But bro, that's what you've been, you.

[John Feidelberg]

Know, battles like, that takes, like, a lot of innovation, like, to think to, like. I mean, we're gonna over exaggerate here a little bit, but, like, you are completely flipping the art form on its head, reinventing it. That takes a lot of, like, foresight, innovation. That's fucking. I remember, like, seeing that clip. I saw that. I saw the clip on Instagram, and then I think the next day, you tweeted the LA Times link. So I read the interview and I was like, God damn. Like, Bert doesn't get enough credit as, like, that's. That's. That takes a lot of fucking.

[Kevin Clancy]

Thought you were, like, doing the 360 deal with the arenas and all that shit. Like, you have always kind of led the. The. The pack in terms of the technical stuff and the business stuff and all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, you get A lot of for it, though. Like, you get a lot of for it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm sure you do.

[John Feidelberg]

For.

[Bert Kreischer]

For ambition. Any ambitions. Not like, not looked high nicely upon and stand up. Like ambitious. Comics are like. Are like. They're like needy or like, I don't. There's like a phrase or something, but like. But they're like, I don't know. And so sometimes ambition people, like, kind of roll their eyes at. And like, I think my ambition, they. I think there's people. I mean, I've. I'm lucky enough to be friends with Shane. So he tells me what people say about me. You get saying drunk enough. And like, we were in Vegas, he's like, we did. Me, him, Bobby and Tommy did the MGM Grand Garden Arena. Bobby goes first, Shane goes, then Tom, then I closed it. No, no. No one wanted to. No one wants to close that show. But. But because I take my shirt off, it's kind of, you know, I think we might have flipped a coin, to be dead honest with you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so I go up last. I get off stage and Shane's kind of sitting back like, you know, like in like a. And I was like, what's up? He's like, dude, I mean, I'm just saying what anyone says. You're a brilliant comedian. And I was like, well, you're a brilliant comedian. You could have just said that. But I know that, like, some people think because I take my shirt off, it's a cheat code. Yeah, I think. I think. And by the way, I gotta be honest. I do it. I do it. I. I'm not. I don't regret it. But, like, I've seen comics that take their shirts off and I see them, I go, what the. This idiot.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, kind of a loser.

[Bert Kreischer]

Loser is this needy. Can't you just do stand up? What the wrong with you, dude? I'd do it barefoot if I could. I think on my next special is going to be leather pants, no shirt, no shoes.

[John Feidelberg]

There you go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, the. It's. It's. Yeah. I think that that's been one of my downfalls is that, you know, what happens is I sign a different type of deal and it gets people upset in the industry and like, agents and managers and. Comics. Comics, sure, comics.

[Kevin Clancy]

Why didn't I get that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Good friends of mine who like, what the. You doing? This is stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can guess who it is. And so it wasn't Tom and it wasn't Joe, and so, like, they just get upset. And then. And then when I signed that deal. I had people on me for signing that deal. And then. And now everyone has it. Yeah, everyone has it.

[John Feidelberg]

What's that deal? I don't know what that is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Candidly. I get. I have a promoter's deal. I'm a promoter of my own show. Oh, I'm sorry.

[John Feidelberg]

I'm not asking for my.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like the parking, the session, anything that goes on in the building.

[Bert Kreischer]

Normally. Normally if they bring in an act, they hire the act. They just hire the act and then that act paid and then that's done. And so I am a co promoter with my promoter on my own shows. It's how I can afford to do Fully Loaded. I don't take a check for Fully Loaded. I get a piece of the insides. I see. It's a Kid Rock deal. Really? Kid Rock is the first one to get it. And now everyone's got one.

[Kevin Clancy]

So it's like.

[John Feidelberg]

It's like you were the first comedian to do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was the first comedian, yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

You're always fucking.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but I got shit on by a lot of people. Like, I got on by a lot. A lot of people, like, sent me nasty messages. And I'm someone who doesn't like conflict. And I want. Want everyone to like me. And I know that's not possible, but when you get people that just straight up dislike you because you're deciding to do a business deal and it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, yeah, but that's just hate and jealousy.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what I mean? That's all that.

[John Feidelberg]

It also is, as I understand it, it like, it's progress, right? Like you're making more money. Progress is always going to be. Someone's gonna be like, don't change the status quo.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Right. People don't, like, change, no matter what it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

They don't. I mean, even starting the vodka, like, you know, there are people that just like, the. You doing that for. And you're like, I don't know, man. I just like, I like doing fun.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, do you know who I am? You know what I mean? Like. Like, if someone else who. It doesn't fit their personality at all is like, sure, slap my name on this vodka. And it's like, yeah, you're just shilling for money. But it's like, Burt Kreischer was born to sell vodka.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was, dude. I was. Hey, listen, for number one, I don't live in. I live in. In, yes. And love. Like, I love to love. I love to fall in Love with. Falling in love is the coolest thing in the world. When you fall. There is no better goddamn feeling in the world than when you realize, this is my person. I want them forever. How do I make this happen? God damn it. Falling in love rocks, dude. Discovering a band. How great is it? Even better yet, how great is it when you put on Steely Dan and you forget how much you love the band?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your boy's name? AC Law. RC Drive. RC Drive?

[Bert Kreischer]

For real? Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, they're already on their way, but that, like, they could still, you know, you can still find them. They're. They're the next one, I'll tell you. Give them a listen.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I don't, I don't operate in, like, the negative space of, like, I, I, I've. I want to say. And I'm, you know, never say never, but, like, I've never left a negative comment. Yeah, yeah, no, because there's only two.

[Kevin Clancy]

Types of people in this world. The people who do that and the people who don't do that. Like, there's never, like a. You're never going to wake up one day and be like, I'm gonna do it just today once. You know, you're either, like a negative person who tears people down and does.

[Bert Kreischer]

That, or you don't listen. I'm. I'm the kind of person. This is a perfect example. What's the name of that band Konga Bang that you like? Krongman. You ever listen to Krong Bin? No. Okay. It takes some getting into, but I'm the kind of person that if, when I didn't get it and I didn't like it, I said, I might be wrong.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or, or it's not for me, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, no, no, no. Everyone likes Krongman.

[John Feidelberg]

Okay?

[Bert Kreischer]

And so, But Krongman's very weird. Crombin is a guy and a girl, and I don't know how you can explain it. I don't know which is a guy and which is a girl. And, but, but, like, I'm the kind of person, like, as opposed to what you see on the Internet is like, oh, this guy, he sucks. He's a piece of unfollow. I, I can't imagine. I really, sincerely can't imagine being that powerless in life that you would allow something you don't like to affect you that much.

[John Feidelberg]

We were just talking about this this morning. We're like, I don't know why. I. Obviously I've noticed it forever, but very recently, everyone was celebrating NBA ratings being down. People were like, haha. And I was like, what do you care if you don't like basketball? You don't watch. Who cares if you like basketball? You watch. Who gives a shit who else is watching, right? And then we were talking about it because this weekend with Snow White, people were like, hot bombed. Like, what did. You weren't gonna go see the movie, so who gives a goddamn? What does it matter how it did? Like, just enjoy the things you enjoy, dude. And to leave the things alone that you don't. It's so easy.

[Bert Kreischer]

People trash wnba. You're like, okay, just don't watch it. Like, you know, there are some people that like it. Not a lot. Not a lot, but some people do. It's for some dad and his daughter who really love the sparkles or whatever they're called. I watch it, but I'm not gonna go trashing it. And you know, it's like. So when I got krongman, I was like, all right. That's the way my brain works. I go, so there's something here that people are liking. I should try to investigate to see if I can also like it. Yeah, there's my favorite band, Goose. My favorite band, Goose. I was told I was doing Red Rocks, by the way. I'm doing Red Rocks again in October. Hell yeah. So we'll see there. But every time I do Red Rocks, and it's not happening this time, but I got to kind of pick where I wanted to be. One year, it was Wilco. I got to go, right the day.

[Kevin Clancy]

Before Wilco, that's your jam, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

You love Buffett. I got to go right to Jimmy Buffett. Became friends with Jimmy Buffett. Like, Jimmy Buffett was a man to me. Next year I go, hey, who can I pick? I'd like to go after Widespread Panic, before Widespread Panic. And they go, yeah, we're not. We're not doing Panic, but we got this band, Goose, that promote this guy who owns Red Rocks. And I was like. I was like, who's Goose? He goes, well, you got a year to get into them. You got a year to make them your favorite band so that you can enjoy next year. And I. I love that challenge.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so I said, all right, we're getting into Goose. And, man, I tried. And I was like. I was like. I was like, okay. I was like, it's weird music. It's jam Bandy, but it's not. Jam is jam band adjacent. And I was like, okay. And I'd play them. I'd play Them, and I'd play them. And a lot of times, it just takes one song, one song to get you to understand the band. The day my fucking. You remember this day, Pete? The day my movie came out, hit my radio. I woke up. We had just done the red carpet. I was at the hotel, and I made. I had a glass of champagne first thing in the morning, and I hit Goose. So ready?

[Kevin Clancy]

Change everything.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm the biggest Goose fan. One song, explained their catalog to me, and then I got them. And then all of a sudden, now I'm obsessed with them, and I follow them everywhere. Dude, I can't imagine if I was. And I don't mean to be disrespectful to the guy typing a negative comment right now. I don't. But if I was you, as you're typing, I can't imagine your life where you wouldn't just give things a chance, and maybe you find something you fucking love. If I was the guy that was like, fuck this band. They suck. I'm next. I would not have the favorite thing in my life. I have a video of them playing. So ready? It was slow. Ready? It's a slow version. Acoustic. In my kitchen with my daughters and my wife. I gave myself that opportunity by opening my mind and allowing myself to love this band. Tony Chong told me when we were high, you choose your reality. No one else does. You pick your reality. If you want to live in negative space, you can. Or. Or you can choose to live in positive space. And he told me that. The next day, I got up. Leanne and I were fighting. We had a fight that night. We were angry the next morning, and I went to go get her coffee, and I heard Tommy Chong's words. And I was in my car, and I looked at my house, and I said, I have a beautiful house. And I only have this beautiful house because of that woman. I would have never bought this house. I would have never bought our first house. I just am not that guy. I don't think that way. I would never have these beautiful kids. I wouldn't all the shit in my life without this woman. My career. She edits my whole specials. She runs my whole summer festival. She executive produced the fucking Cabin with us. I mean, that woman. And I said, I get to choose my reality. Wait. And I was like, does this work? Can I choose not to be mad at her? And I went, absolutely. All I got to do is look at all the good shit she's given me. And I went, you know what? I'm not mad at Her, I chose my reality. That's crazy. And that was Tommy Chong High telling me that. And I fucking got his coffee. And I came back. I go, baby, baby, I am so sorry. I love you to death. And if I was being a dick last night, that's on me. And she was so confused. She doesn't fight right. She wants to punch. But, like, that's the crazy thing is like, I. I love the positives. I love Dochi. I fell in love with her. Why wouldn't you love.

[Kevin Clancy]

Why wouldn't you? That's a good example too. Like, everybody, like, there's this movement of, like, she's an industry plant and she doesn't deserve to be on stage with Lauryn Hill. And she though she's the baddest out there. You can let the girl live.

[John Feidelberg]

Industry plant is such a weird term because it's just like, why do you want to admit you don't know ball anymore? You know what I mean?

[Kevin Clancy]

You don't know.

[John Feidelberg]

They've been around.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, she's been out since, you know, 2019 or whatever, like, grinding. And now she.

[John Feidelberg]

Chapel. Rome was the same way. It's like, well, this song that everyone loves now came out six years ago or four years ago, whatever. It was like Pink Pony Club was out before.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, it's crazy. It's crazy. Like, I think Dochi's bringing dark skinned chicks back. I'm telling you, I know this is creepy. And Doji, I hope you know never hear this.

[John Feidelberg]

She probably won't. No.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hope it doesn't come across your desk. You are sexy as you are. I am telling you right now, I got. I got a handful of crushes out there. One's dead. Shannon Doherty. I would. I would rip. I got. I got one that I'm gonna tell you off air.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just saying. We'll bleep it. We'll bleep. Oh, yeah. Why do we have to bleep that one?

[Bert Kreischer]

Bleep this too. Okay, she's sliding in my dm.

[Kevin Clancy]

What does Leanne think of that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Not comfortable.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would not be either, bro. That's. That's like. That's like hall pass territory.

[Bert Kreischer]

Please give me one.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yo, here. I will say this. She. That woman is all past material to the max. Dream material to the max. Do you know what is a real dream? Leanne Kreischer.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, but.

[Kevin Clancy]

No but, but, but. I know what you mean. I'm not gonna be that guy. But, like, watching her operate. I don't even know about your relationship, but I'm saying The way she's a gangster dude, and the. That you, like, just the whole empire you put together, like, that's the dream. But also you should.

[Bert Kreischer]

She. She. Leanne, we. She did a screening of the special at her house, invited our friends and my sisters, and we watched it. And I watched. I watched the whole thing. I was like. I was like this. Mostly that whole set was inspired from Chappelle because Chappelle and I had had a night where we partied and we talked and he explained how he does a special. And I don't normally do them that way, but on the last. The sixth show is the one where the thing landed on the mic and I kind of took a little hint from Chappelle and I went off book and did things I hadn't done. I wasn't going to tell the Snoop story that went in, that got slid in because I was around. And I said to Leanne, I go, God damn it. Like, I forgot I'm a good stand up. I go, but that dog story, I told it perfect. She goes, easy. I said, what?

[Kevin Clancy]

Room for improvement.

[Bert Kreischer]

I had to piecemeal that together. She goes, trust me. I told him that. She goes, there was a lot of you sobbing like a. On there.

[John Feidelberg]

We killed her.

[Kevin Clancy]

Now let's back up, though. So what's, what's, what's. What's she saying in the DMs?

[Bert Kreischer]

Enough. That it got flagged.

[Kevin Clancy]

No way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, it got flagged.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, what does that mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, so I don't read my dms.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, so someone else saw it and was like, hey, you gotta check this out, Pete.

[Bert Kreischer]

So.

[Kevin Clancy]

So it's. It's not just like, hey, I'm a fan. It's like, it's. It's. It's provocative.

[John Feidelberg]

It's a little more, wow, look at you, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what it is?

[Bert Kreischer]

What was the picture? Shut the up.

[John Feidelberg]

Shut the up, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what I'll say, though?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm sweating right now. I need another drink.

[John Feidelberg]

Sweating.

[Bert Kreischer]

And by the way, it wasn't just like. Like, it was. My whole office is all women. I have like 15 women that work for me, and once they got flagged.

[Kevin Clancy]

They were like, yo, yo, here's the thing. That woman would be awesome. Getting the messages is almost better.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's better. It's like you coming on to me.

[Kevin Clancy]

I've had sex before. I know what it's gonna feel like. It would be pretty co. Look at that. While it's happening. But the fact that you're doing that.

[Bert Kreischer]

To me I understand dudes that, like, I understand it because, like, I never. I don't. I, you know, I say that I don't read dms, and I. I have read dms. I, obviously I. I saw. I saw hers had been read. I was like, oh, what did she say? And then I went, oh, wow. Oh, wow.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

I like yours too. And. And then. And then the. The one time during the pandemic, I had never. I'd never DM'd anybody. Like, I never DM. I mean, like, friends or something.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I'd never DM'd us with a stranger.

[John Feidelberg]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

During the pandemic, there was a girl who DM'd me. I think she was from Philly. And she DM'd me. And it was like a heartfelt DM about going through mental health problems about being in the pandemic. And. And I just wanted to know that. I read it and I was like. I was like, hey, I hear you. We're all going through it. My girls are going through it too. Hey, things get better. Everything gets better, I promise. And then she took that off on a. And like, the next picture, she was in thigh high socks with panties on. And she was like, I didn't know you were gonna read these. I'm in love with you now. I had never had that happen. And I always hear stories of buddies getting caught in the dms. And I was like, how does that even happen, dude? It's like emotional cheating. Like, it's day, dude. Can I tell you a crazy story? I don't know how the right way to tell this, but, like, I. I was. I was working with someone one time, and they said they were talking about people having affairs on set. And I was like, that's crazy. I can't imagine. Don't shit what you eat. And they're like, yeah. And then they're like, then there's an emotional affair. I said, what's an emotional affair? And she's very pretty. And she goes, you don't know what an emotional affair is? I know. She's like, when you establish a relationship with someone, she goes, here, let's do an emotional affair. I'll just show you what it is. Like, hey, what if me and you were to go on a vacation somewhere? Where would you want to go? And random as fuck. We both said the Canary Islands at the same time. Random as fuck. And then we started texting about this vacation, like, going like, hey, we should go to. When we go to the Canary Islands. I remember that. What Did I do that day? I said, we go with other people. And she goes, no, no, no. We would go there on. Act on, and not tell anyone. Just say we're going on a trip ourselves and you'd wait for me at the bar. You're going to be in flip flops, khakis, and an opened Hawaiian shirt. And I'm going to come out, no bra, with a thong on, in a sundress, and I'm going to sit next to you, and we're going to pretend we don't know each other. And I was like. I'm like, okay, okay. I got so into this emotional affair, all of a sudden I'm googling things to do in the Canary Islands. I had to be like, yo, I can talk to you ever again. I'm like. I'm like, this is fucking crazy.

[John Feidelberg]

For some reason, her telling you what you're going to wear, I was like, baby, you are flip flops. Like, dude, I'm not one of the guy. I know a lot of guys get told what to wear, and I don't ever get told what to wear. I'm like, am I getting treated tonight?

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, dude, it was. It was crazy. The. I'll tell you who that woman was, too. You got to edit it out.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, no. Oh, really?

[Kevin Clancy]

By the way, she's sexy.

[John Feidelberg]

She's sexy as hell. Was she tattooed?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, no, no, no.

[John Feidelberg]

Okay. You know what I was thinking of? Recently promoted lucky. My girl, Christy Mac.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God. Did you see that video?

[John Feidelberg]

I saw the video, bro. I like the tweet, dude. I never like tweets anymore.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let me tell you something, people. If you are promoting a product, you send it to Christy Mac. You give her an unboxing. That woman is a God. Hey, guys, it's Christy. I'm so. I'm a little messy, but you can see my nipples. I must have watched that a hundred times.

[John Feidelberg]

She's the best, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, so funny, because they do the box. It's like the business is like, oh, we want to send one to Dave Portnoy. And I'm like, absolutely not opening it.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what's so funny is I. I spoke to Leanne, like, the next day on the phone, and she was like, thank you so much for the video you posted. And then.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then both of you guys posted yours.

[Kevin Clancy]

But then. But it was funny. Like, she saw mine and. And talked about mine, and you were talking about Chrissy Mac.

[Bert Kreischer]

She. She. She was putting the boxes together and she was like, you know, I think she. Maybe she Met Dave or something. I like Dave. So I've always talked nicely about Dave around her. I think Dave's kind of a. I think he's a little bit of a gangster.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so she's like, well, someone to Dave. And I was like, no, he's not gonna open it. And it's. They cost money. Money. It's my money. No, and if Dave wants one, I'll send him one. But he doesn't want one. He's got enough stuff. Right. And if he. You know, And. And she goes, what about Big Cat? And I go, I don't. I don't think Big Cat will open it either. It's not. They're not, like, Instagram guys.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. It was gambling. They're in. But it's like, I go, definitely. Kfc. Send. Send both those boys. And then she's like, what about Chris Rock? And I went, no, she's like, Kevin Hart. Because they. These are the guys that send stuff to me.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Both of them have sent stuff to me, and I do the unboxing things, but that's. And so I go, no, send one to Christy Mack. She was like, really?

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like, yeah, that's who you want.

[Bert Kreischer]

Someone to Lindsay Pellis. And she's like, really? Both of them. Gangster Unboxing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. My man knows.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God.

[John Feidelberg]

What he's doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I. She's like, someone to Shaq. I was like, no, do not.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know how to do this, bro.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, you're.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're even just watching. You operate in Austin at South by Southwest. It's just like, you per. Actually, it was very funny to watch you and Tom both at. At the house. Right? It was like. Like, you both show up, you do your podcast, you do your thing, and I. And I watched Tom go to one of his people. He's like, all right, let's make our rounds. Like, tell me who I got to talk to. Good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Done.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's like, I'm out of here. And. And you were like, I'm not leaving. Like, I'm here for the next 18 hours.

[Bert Kreischer]

I stayed until they shut the house down.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

I. I think I went to another bar after that.

[Kevin Clancy]

We went. We went to the mothership.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, we went to the mother.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was. That was the funniest, too, because Bert, I. I mean, I don't think I've ever outlasted the machine, really.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bert was like, I'm good at an Irish guy by. I'm like, I know. I know when to call me. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I'm not You know, and. And we watched Shane go up. And. And then you were like, I'm out of here. And. And we all always have the same thought. If. Where I was Shane, he was like, don't let Shane know I'm leaving, because.

[Bert Kreischer]

He'S not gonna let me leave.

[Kevin Clancy]

And he just dipped out before.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's a bully, and I'm a bully. Yeah. Like, my favorite. My favorite text in the world to get get is a no from Shane Gillispie.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, you're not.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you're gonna be. Hey, I'm gonna. This is a really good one. So I texted him, I was in St. Patty's Day. I was. I was doing Rogan, St. Patty's Day, and I texted Shane, I was like, yo, are you going out tonight? And he was like, no. And I went, okay, I'm gonna let it be a no because I'm gonna fly home. And he went, well, wait, what were you thinking? And then he's like, no, I got a rest. I gotta go to London next week. I'm gonna go to London next week. Talk about Philly mouth breathers all in London. I mean, talk about. Those are the revolutionaries. Those are the guys. They went. That's exactly who they fought.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

300 years ago was Shane O'Connor and Tommy Pope.

[Bert Kreischer]

George, drop the tea in the river. Dude. No, the. The. That. That. That day was so great, bro, that.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm so mad he wasn't there. He would have loved it. The tats, the cold plunge, the sauna. It was like. It was like meathead activity mixed with just, like, booze and food and chicks and partying. I mean, he definitely would have got a tat. He would have been in the sauna with us with the crazy guys trying to live forever. What a. What a.

[Bert Kreischer]

What a.

[John Feidelberg]

Who's this? Shane would have.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, you. All that.

[John Feidelberg]

You would have loved that day.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was. It was like gourmet sushi, gourmet burgers from Philip Lee. The cold plunge in the sauna with the guy trying to live forever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who was Brian.

[Kevin Clancy]

Brian Johnson. Which was. That was like a fever dream to me. I was like, I'm in a sauna with Bert and. And Brian. And then there was that guy that you kept calling Twink. Who's that little guy who you're like.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'S Tommy's employee.

[John Feidelberg]

Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. We were talking about, like, guys and girls all, but I was like, you know, we're pressing him about trying to live forever.

[Bert Kreischer]

And.

[Kevin Clancy]

And, like. And then you got the. You know, a couple hours later, you Got the tattoo gun in your hand tattooing like the most beautiful chick at the party.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was insane. What do you think of the guy who wanted to tat?

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, I was like, weird, right? Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

He laid on the table, he got it on his ankle. So he like, he kind of did the Costanza. Like he like leaned his ankle out and I was like, I mean this is cool that you're down. And he tattooed Lucky and he promoted the special, but I was like, I wouldn't have done this pose.

[John Feidelberg]

You wouldn't have.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just don't think I would have been. I mean, I would have let Bert. Yeah. But I don't think I'd be like, tattoo my ankle. I don't know. It was just a little bit weird and then, and then like, like the most beautiful girl a long time.

[Bert Kreischer]

I really had a dad moment in there because I said, I said, I can't do this to you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, like you were thinking about, you said like, I'm thinking about her father being like, what the.

[Bert Kreischer]

She goes, my dad has no ownership over my body. And I was like, stop it. I've had those exact words come in my daughter's mouth. Yes, he does. He created that body.

[Kevin Clancy]

When she said that, I was like, oh, this dad's. The tattoo is the least of this dad's concern. She's doing other things with that body.

[Bert Kreischer]

I did a good one. You did?

[Kevin Clancy]

You did.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was pretty impressive.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I've been, I've given out a bunch.

[Kevin Clancy]

Did you pick the clover by the way?

[Bert Kreischer]

Way.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or did she. She picked the clover cuz it like, I mean, obviously it's not Lucky was the name and everything, but for the clover was in the box and everything was like, oh, this girl picked the right thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's so funny. I had a woman that, that I think people thought I was having an affair with. You know her? You know her? Who? Tasha.

[Kevin Clancy]

Tasha? Oh yeah, yeah, from, from yesterday. Oh, I can see why people would think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Cuz when she was my assistant on the set of. Of the Machine. So we're with each other all the time.

[Kevin Clancy]

All the time.

[Bert Kreischer]

And everyone in the comments were like birds her. Oh God. But you know, Tasha is the funniest human. She one time asked me for $50,000 so she could plant four leaf clovers and grow four leaf clovers to then give to people. And I was like, okay, what's the investment? What's the return on investment? She goes, what do you mean?

[Kevin Clancy]

I give them one to people.

[Bert Kreischer]

I just give them to People. And I was like, tasha, but we want to make money off this. How many do you think you'll grow? And she goes, I don't even know if I can grow them. I was like, natasha, well, I'm just gonna try.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, does it take 50 grand to grow field?

[Bert Kreischer]

She wanted to buy, rent a field and grow four leaf clovers.

[Kevin Clancy]

The worst idea I've ever heard.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I tell you that Tasha kid was. First of all, she's gorgeous, but she is hysterical. One day she. For an art project, she recorded herself following the sun.

[John Feidelberg]

What does that even mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

I have no idea. She got lost as. And didn't realize her GoPro battery died. So only the first hour of her walking that kid is. She's here in New York, I think.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wasn't she just. She was just, like, a local, wasn't she, or. No. Yeah, she was just kind of like. Yeah. It wasn't like she was in acting or the business or anything.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Kevin Clancy]

She was just like a local who, like, showed you around.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, she was a local. Showed me around. And then. And to. To be a Serbian, and I mean this with respect, but to be a Serbian and then to be a part of a. Dare I say, like a wealthy American movie guy.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Be a part of their lives. It's super intoxicating.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I would be like. I remember one time, I just. I'd be like, tasha, let's do a party this weekend. And she'd be like, what do you mean? I go, let's do a party. Let's. Let's get a sommelier to come to the house. Bring. Let's do, like, I'd say 15 cases of wine, and let's invite the crew and get a dj. And she'd be like, that's good. She said. Literally said to me one time, she goes, that's gonna cost, like, a thousand dollars. Well, here's $5,000. Figure it out. She would be like, she. The last day. The day I left, she gave me a hug and she was crying. It wasn't because she was gonna miss me. She was gonna miss my lifestyle. We'd have so much fun together. Because I just. I was like. Like, you know, I was making money on the movie, but everything was so cheap in Serbia that I just live. I'd live crazy. And she was like, oh, mean.

[John Feidelberg]

That's. That's living, like, Euro trip when they get wherever they can on a nickel, like, buy the hotel.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, buy the hotel. Yeah, yeah. She's. She was. She was a great chick. The Yeah, I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

The, the, the, the, the party scene was, was a great one. And then, I mean, it's just you're, you're the ultimate. We've said it before, the ultimate hype man, the ultimate wingman, the ultimate like party connector. I don't know, if you didn't do comedy, I think somehow, some way, you still would have been a club promoter, a dj, something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Maybe a, maybe a. I honestly can tell you I, I should have been like a boat salesman.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like whatever luxury item that you shouldn't buy and is stupid. But Bert will talk about the sparkle and you'll have a cocktail at sundown on this boat with your wife and, and you're like, yeah, I'll take two.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's. Dude, I. RVs, side by sides, motorcycles, something you should not buy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh my God, I could sell cold plunges to Eskimos.

[Kevin Clancy]

How come you, you don't own a bar?

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, you know, I think I'm really, you know, I'm really thinking about opening a bar in la. But just get, like, get one of those boxes, like, like a real small dive bar.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't make it even like a, you know, a club loungey place, like make it a, a drinking bar.

[Bert Kreischer]

I told you, I told you my one idea for a bar. It's called Rick Shaws.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh yeah, I've heard this before.

[Bert Kreischer]

And there'd be rickshaws in front. Want five rickshaws. And if you live within a half a mile, we'll take free rides, pick you up in a rickshaw and take you home. But like, I like that the whole concept of what I miss the most is like. And when, you know, I love, I love England, I love London, I love the idea that every corner's got a pub. And in those smaller cities, especially in like Ireland, in the smaller cities, the whole community surrounds that publisher. I love that. We were in Brighton, I think, and we went to like a local pub in Brighton and it was such a great vibe. And Pete, you're seeing moms and sons sitting, having a pint together in a corner. I would love to create that in la, but I, you know, it's, it's just LA is not a big walking city, dude.

[John Feidelberg]

The. I've been to a lot of great bars in my life, but there was one weekend I went to Liverpool and it went to the game at Anfield. And then Liverpool is a working class town, like pretty small town. And the, the stadium is, is like the packers where it's like in the middle of nowhere. It's just in the middle of homes and near it is this pub. I don't. I don't know the name. It's the greatest pub I've ever been in in my life. Like, it's a carpeted rug. There are signs all over the place that say no children after 9pm but we were there as a day game. So we were there probably like. Like 6 o'clock we got there and all the kids were running around and like the bartenders were messing with the kids and they're chasing the kids around and I was like, this feels like a community center. Like a public house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, this.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. And then we stayed all night. So like at 9pm the bartenders are all chasing the kids out. Like, get the hell out of here. And I like, this is the.

[Bert Kreischer]

I would love. There's. They have old school bars in the Valley that are like, that are like boxes. Like, like honestly, just a sliver of a wall. Paint a different color with a door.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I want. Initially what I was going to do is offer my likeness to the bar and be like, yo, I'll be. I'll be a brand ambassador for the bar. You can use my likeness and we'll say it's my bar. I was gonna do that at first, and then I was like, I just want to buy a bar.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what? You. I want you to buy an unsuccessful bar. It's not possible because. But like, you know what I mean? I want it to be like a bar that fails. And you're like, I'm not even here for the money. I'm here for the, the vibes.

[John Feidelberg]

You know what? I think you should do the. So a dive bar opened up like right below my apartment fairly recently. But I popped in and I was like, this is a great bar. Like, the, the bones of this bar are great. It's low ceiling. Walk down to get into it. It's like, it's like off the street and. But what the. The negative of it is, it's a dive bar and it just opened, but so everything's new. So I think I was like, I think they should have run this for two years before they ever opened. Like, just have run it for a while. The friends come and like, yeah, hang that up on the wall over there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Someone bro, spit some blood over there. Yeah, exactly. Can I put up this picture?

[John Feidelberg]

Like, yeah, it. I don't know. Throw it on the wall over there like. Because everything there right now feels very like Applebee's. Yeah, like, like we curated our neighborhood corner and it's like, here are the pant the, the pennants and all this stuff. And it's like, like if these things like get lit on fire a few times accidentally, like that's when it's a great.

[Bert Kreischer]

I have so much I can put in a bar.

[Kevin Clancy]

When it comes to college basketball and March mania, one thing is for sure, nothing is for sure. Upsets buzzer beater. Cinderella is advancing top seeds going home early. It's tough to write all these.

[John Feidelberg]

Should have written that copy this morning.

[Kevin Clancy]

Sucks for drafting. None of this stuff happened.

[John Feidelberg]

Bet the favorite.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, chalk. Chalk. When it comes to March, everybody loves chalk. Everybody loves top seed seeds. It literally says top seeds going home early. For sure not. But as always, it is like one of the, one of the things about March is when 11, 12 and 13 seeds win. Like the final four and elite eight stink. So now you're going to get to watch all the top teams go at it. And you can do so on the Draft King Sportsbook. With live betting, exclusive content, promos and parlays, they are the ultimate college basketball destination for March. And if you're ready to make your first bet, check out the matchups and pick a team to win. It is that simple. And if it's your first time, new DraftKings customers get five dollars. You place a five dollar bet and you get $200 in bonus bets instantly. You can redeem that deal when you use promo code KFC. So bet the unexpected with DraftKings Sportsbook. Download the app, use promo code KFC and new customers get 200 in bonus bets. When you bet just 5 bucks only on DraftKings, the crown is yours.

[Bert Kreischer]

I have so much. So much of my posters. Yeah, I have so much.

[Kevin Clancy]

One of the best bars I ever went to is this place called Tin Lizzie on the Upper east side. Did you go to Tin Lizzie?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, it was. I actually Feidalberg, when he first moved to New York, needed a few bucks and I, I got him a guest bartending gig for the night.

[John Feidelberg]

Made $0 except for the money Kevin gave me and he had to go.

[Kevin Clancy]

Out and buy black pants and a black shirt. He lost money on the endeavor because I didn't realize that, like it was not a profitable or functioning bar. It was owned by at the time, guys who were like 27, 28. And I thought of them as like old guys who blatantly were like, I own a bar to get my dick sucked in the office. And they would give away. I remember being, I was like, oh, you want to, like, meet me at Tin Lizzie? I get free drinks there. And the girls were like, so do we, asshole. Everyone gets free booze here. They don't charge anyone. It was like. It was the type of place you walk in. It was daytime, and there was already puke in the toilet. It's like, how did. Did you just not clean this up from last night? Like, why is there already puke here? And it was. It was just a absolute shit show. I remember they wanted to advertise a bar stool, early bar. So it was like 09. Reminded me of the first bar I ever worked with. And I remember the. The owner of the bar being like, yeah, if you do the party here, you can do whatever you want. And I was like, cool. He's like, no, seriously, watch this. And he just starts pouring his beer on the ground. And I was like, okay, cool. And then he takes a bottle and he just smashes it on the ground. And then there was a big open window right out to Second Avenue on the Archer side. And he just took a picture and he threw it like a football out the window onto the street. And I was like. I was like, this is like an old saloon.

[John Feidelberg]

There are literally no rules.

[Kevin Clancy]

You guys are not kidd. We did a. We did the first event I think I ever did. It was a Irish truck bomb contest. It was a.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's that?

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a pitcher of Guinness.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Clancy]

And a. Right. Yeah, pitcher. And. And he dropped. And it's a pint of Jameson and the. And the Baileys. And they dropped it into the pitcher and chugged it. They could chug that in the amount of time that, like, Pat McAfee chugs, like, a regular beer. Like five seconds to do a whole fucking pitcher.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was. It was one of the most obscene, absurd, you know, and bar barstool had just started, so the people who were there were like real barstool fans. It was crazy. But that's. I. I want a bar like that. I want you. I want you to have someone who, like, their job is to show up and puke in the toilet.

[Bert Kreischer]

The first thing we had a. We had a really great bar. It still is a great bar. It just. It. What happened is a couple pivotal people in the scene had to get sober. And, but, and, and, and. And the pandemic happened. But we had possibly one of the coolest bars in Hollywood. It's called Pats. It's in the North Hollywood. And I won't say their names. I won't say their names. But like some very big movie stars that were not sober at the time would hang out there and low key. Be fun as. But the coolest aspect of it is all the black actors would hang out there. So like all these huge black actors were half of the bar. The other half is a list celebrities who are. Who clearly have a problem. And then this swath of neighborhood dads who. And everyone seemed to mesh.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was such a great hang. And. And then the pandemic happened and now and it's kind of dying.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

That reminds me of an article that I've talked about on this show a ton of times. I'm gonna send it to you because I think you'd really like this article.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, you'd like probably know Burt might have been there. I'm not even kidding.

[John Feidelberg]

It was in. It was in the Hollywood Reporter and it was about Hollywood before smartphones. And it was like smartphones or social media, whatever the title is, killed the Hollywood Hang. And it was talking about some bar that. I forget the name of the bar, but it was. It was describing this bar. The like kind of Snake Pit. I wouldn't remember.

[Bert Kreischer]

Snake Pit was the.

[John Feidelberg]

It might have been the. The woman who was like the catalyst for all these bars was kind of the person they're talking to in this article. She. She managed or whatever, three or four bars. And she was talking about this one and she was like. She's like on a regular night, like the cast of that 70s show would be in one booth. The cast of Friends would be in another booth. Beyonce and the Destiny's Child would be on the dance floor. Jay Z and Kanye would be standing on the bar wrapping. Justin Timberlake was running the line out front. Jason Momoa and so. And so were here. And Prince was in the back the whole time with the water, just watching everything. And I was like, holy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I remember the bar that what's his name worked at. Jason Momoa worked at.

[John Feidelberg]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was because it was called Bouncer. Guys.

[John Feidelberg]

Guys.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was called Guys. A cool bar.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I guarantee you it's that bar. It was over on Melrose.

[John Feidelberg]

He's. There's a picture of him in this article, so he's heavily featured.

[Bert Kreischer]

He. There was some really great bars. I was just saying to. I was talking to Jelly Roll about it about like what great dive bars used to be. The. One of the best ones was on Beverly. It was in. Attached to a hotel and it was attached to a Greek restaurant. And it was like a. Just a sliver of a bar. And man, you go in there and it was people hiding to drink. I was telling them, I was telling them. You'd go in there to watch dreams die. All people would do were telling you their dreams. And their dreams were. Were Dot. My buddy Croy who killed himself. My buddy Croy. My buddy Croy and I would go there all the time and Croy would say, you know, these dreams aren't leaving this bar. I mean, guys that have portfolios, let me show you my work.

[John Feidelberg]

And you'd be like, that guy is not.

[Kevin Clancy]

You should open a bar called Dreams.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll tell you what. Do you think the best celebrity owned bar by far has to be the Viper Room.

[Kevin Clancy]

Who owns that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Other than, you know, River Phoenix passing away at it? I went there a couple times. That place was cool.

[John Feidelberg]

Who was the.

[Kevin Clancy]

That just did not exist anymore. Did he sell it? What was the demise of that?

[Bert Kreischer]

I think someone else bought it.

[John Feidelberg]

Was it Joaquin Phoenix who bartended there? I think, I think Joaquin. There's some mega celebrity now, some a lister now who. Maybe it's RDJ Robert Downey Jr. Who like credits Johnny Depp was saving his life where he was like, I was out of control. He was like, you got to get out of Hollywood and stop. Not get out of high level. You gotta stop living a Hollywood life. You're a bartender at my bar now. And I'm pretty sure, you know, that's.

[Kevin Clancy]

When I'm trying to get you to slow down. Come be a bartender. Yeah, dude. I remember a. It was a bartender at another Upper east sidebar I used to do a lot of parties at. And he, in his partying days, he used to fill up his pocket with coke and put a straw in it.

[John Feidelberg]

The old Frank Reynolds with the sausages.

[Bert Kreischer]

I told someone, if you can, if you can let go, if you can let go of the. I don't know. I, I don't. I can't do this. I never was able to do this with coke and I barely can do it with booze for real. But to let go of reality and just go, yeah, I'm gonna wake up and do it and I'm gonna do it throughout the day and we're gonna have ourselves a day. I can't do that with coke because the next day, I mean, if I'm.

[Kevin Clancy]

Saying this, crash Coke.

[Bert Kreischer]

I am, I have the worst day the next day. Like, it's crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Thank God, because you would be, you know.

[John Feidelberg]

No, I, I, we like on this episode, we were just talking about that and I was like, I never got drinking. I'D be like, poof, I got a headache. You guys want to pop a beer? But like, Coke, I was always like, get that the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Away from. That was never the solution. Yeah, that was the criminal. That's the one who did the crime. God damn it. Now you guys make me want to buy a bar.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't believe hasn't even. I thought you were going to say we've looked into it or there's a.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's. I just started looking into it and there's a bunch of bars. They're not that expensive.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, you will lose money on it, right? Oh, actually, I don't know. You're so big in like, if I only.

[John Feidelberg]

I think of bars the same way Steve Colin thinks of the Mets. I think the bar Philanthropic effort. Philanthropic. It's for the neighborhood. It's for the community.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I think when you run it that way, it actually be successful.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

If you, if you open a bar trying to make a profit, you'd have like, you know, John Tafford designing it the right way to make sure you maximize. And then it doesn't work. If you just said said beer is. It's two dollar beers here or something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy, it would be a. Joe makes money on the mothership.

[Kevin Clancy]

Are you asking me or do you. I mean, I would imagine, you know, you don't know. No, I would.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've never showed about money ever.

[Kevin Clancy]

Joe Rogan makes money at everything.

[Bert Kreischer]

One time I said to him, I was like, I was like, what's. Like, I'm rich and I know what that feels like, but what's like, rich feel like? It was really funny. He kind of, like thought about it for a second. He goes, I don't worry about anything.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I went, really? And he goes, yeah. At all? Well, I. I was like, that's got to be nice to just know that, like, life is good. Life's gonna be good. Now I get to do whatever I want.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're on that level, brother.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I still go. I still go. Like, I. I don't know. I still want to hustle and make money. I don't.

[Kevin Clancy]

Sure. But I don't worry.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you? I too. No, I don't worry about money, but I worry about. I don't worry about money, but I. But I don't know about money. Like, I don't know what things cost and I don't. And I. I'm always waiting for someone to say no. So, like. So, like, I don't. I don't. Like, this is really crazy, but I. When I bought this watch that I'm wearing right now. I knew I wanted it. I didn't know how much it cost, but I knew I wanted it. And I knew it was a really hard watch to get. And so when I got it, I didn't even. I didn't. I don't even. I don't even remember paying for it. But I. But I knew that. I knew. This is how I registered it. I. We were at that event, a tennis event, and I told Leanne, listen, I may have a watch waiting for me when I get to Vegas, you know, to celebrate the special. It's a gift for the special, but like, I don't know how much it costs, but only you can tell me if it's affordable. And so Leanne went over to Christine and did casually, kind of did some research. And then Leanne didn't say anything. She went, you should go get it. You should stop by Christine when you're in Vegas. So I was in Vegas. I did not look at the price. Pete didn't look at the price. Neither of us did. I bought it. And then I called Leanne and I said, was it expensive? And she goes, yeah, yeah. And I went, okay, is it bad? And she goes, no, it's not too bad. But. But like, let's just say you won't be buying a watch for a while.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like, okay, that's good to have that check though, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, but like, I don't like. But I also don't want for a ton of like, I don't care about cars, I don't care about houses. Like, I like my house. But like, if we move back to our old house, I'd be very cool with that.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're an experiential guy, not a tangible guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then by the way, I don't need fancy. Like, I don't, like, I don't. I wear lucky jeans. I wear. These are expensive shirts. Change purse. But I just like the fit of them. Like they're. It's a tactile thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Also, we're still talking about a T shirt, even if it's expensive T shirt. We're not talking. You're not buying, like, you know, I buy four dollar T shirts. You want hats?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't buy hats. Yeah, I don't. And I. Sneakers. Like these are expensive sneakers by wearable them. So like, it's not like I'm collecting them. So. Yeah, I don't like Tom's. I mean, I'm not on Tom and I know this is like a very Touchy subject on the Internet. But Tom has, like, elegant taste.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

He loves.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. I remember at that. That the Poros was launched when he was like, let me introduce you to this Ferrari dealer. And I was like, don't, don't, don't. Don't even bother. He's like, don't talk to me, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

He introduced you to his Ferrari dealer and his jeweler. You haven't gone public yet.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like. Like, you don't want to waste your time on me, bro.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, I.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, that's not my.

[Bert Kreischer]

We're like. Like, even. Like, we were talking about, like, now the girls are gone. Leanne's like, what? You know what if we downsized and. Because we don't need the house. The house is too big. No one uses the upstairs ever.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

We only use 1, 2. We use four rooms in the whole house. And so we were talking about downsizing, and then. And then we were talking about moving to Tennessee. We're like, maybe we'll just move Tennessee because. Yeah, because we. Leanne really likes Tennessee. Taylor. Juan's done a number on that lady Taylor. And will they. They. She loves them like little brothers.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she does the same with you guys. But, like, she was like, maybe we'll move Tennessee. Maybe we'll just get, like, a. Some land.

[John Feidelberg]

Let's get a bus.

[Bert Kreischer]

By the way, the only thing I care about is my tour bus.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, check that out. Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

I love it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, you're spending all your time on there, too, so it's like, I could.

[Bert Kreischer]

I could get rid of all.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what you should do is go be. Be, like, the king of Tampa. Go back home and just, like, own the city. Like, I own this block.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

You can be like an old college athlete. Be like, I got a car dealership. I got some pizza places.

[Bert Kreischer]

I could open a bar like Burt.

[Kevin Clancy]

Drive. Like, you own a city. You know, you're on the streets.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. Tuscaloosa, looks like with Saban. Like, I take Tampa.

[Bert Kreischer]

I could.

[Kevin Clancy]

I could own Tampa, by the way.

[Bert Kreischer]

I got. But I also have money in Tampa that I could leverage. Like, I got friends with money in town.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yo, let's get in on this. Get on a boat every.

[Kevin Clancy]

Tampa is now Tampa, Burt.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, God damn it. That would be badass. Yeah. What am I doing in la?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I respect that you stayed in la. I. I mean, I don't even know if you. If you're happy you did it or whatever, but, like, when everybody fled to Austin and wherever, and you were like, I'm going. I'm going down with the ship or I'm staying home, or however you viewed it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, well, it's. I thought I felt it. I mean, I felt a lot of things about it, but, like, Leanne and I definitely talked about moving to Austin and, And we looked at houses and we, both of us were like. I was like, am I. Honestly, am I. Am I moving here because Joe and Tom moved here, or am I moving here because I like it?

[Kevin Clancy]

You want to live here? Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then I was like, at one point, I was like, no, I'm a grown man. I'll decide where I live. Totally. I'm not going somewhere because my buddies went there.

[Kevin Clancy]

I listen different people at different stages of their careers. There are certainly people who, like, if. If Rogan and Tony give you the blessing, you go, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

If you're a young comic, go. And you get into the mothership. Up, buddy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Don't even pack your bags. Start walking. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But. But if you have your career set and like, you know, a family and all that, to just pick up and follow somebody, I think is kind of. I, I. Did you see Schultz talking on maybe all in Pod? I'm not sure what it was. He was like, let's just be real. This is a tax haven. Like, you're doing it for taxes, and that's fine. But don't tell me that it's like this quirky, weird hipster city that's so amazing. It's like, if it was here, you'd go there. If it was here, you go there. It's just about the taxes.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's about taxes. You know, I remember. I remember. Remember finding out what Tom was saving and being like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. That's how you got that car. I mean, but. But also, I run my life different. Like, I. Instead of having, like, if you go to Tom's podcast studio, it looks like an abortion clinic. I think it might be next to an abortion clinic. And. And if you go to mine, it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is an abortion clinic. Tom record and then gives abortions.

[John Feidelberg]

Guys, it's in text Texas. It's not an abortion.

[Kevin Clancy]

Bad example.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the dentist office. But if you go to my place, it's in a house. My tour bus is parked out front. Cars are littering the parking lot, the driveway. Our dogs are in there.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

We've got every podcast studios in a bedroom. We got a big office where there's 15 women working. The kitchen is. Someone's always cooking some in the kitchen. But that's the way I like to live my life, I like to be like. Like, I like to have fun with it. Everything. I mean, everything should be fun. And if you're not. If it's not fun, then you really shouldn't be doing it. When I did Last Comic Standing two, I remember getting. Getting ready to go to stage, and I was so nervous. I was so nervous, my ass cheeks were sweating, and they were running down the back of my legs, and I stopped. I was in a stairwell, and I went, this can't be it. Like, if this is what I chose for a living, this is. This is not it. I was like, this cannot not. This is not enjoyable. Yeah, this is not fun. And I was like, I don't want to do this if it's not fun. And I went out and I bombed, and I got booted off this show. And I just was like, I'm never doing another competition again. I was like, that's stupid. I was like, I'm just gonna do the road. And I did the road, and I loved the road. But even, like, specials can be stressful, you know? Sure. Where you're like, ugh. But then if you do six of them, it's not that stressful.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think I mentioned this, you and Austin, but I think you. You should be like a. Almost like a bar stool. Like if Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert or Birdie Boy Productions or whatever was like a content house. And you put on. Because you already kind of do. You put on a lot of the younger comics. You put on a lot of your friends. You're always pumping up other people and, like, do that for real. And, like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Let me ask you this. Sorry to drop.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's all I do.

[John Feidelberg]

The. The. The.

[Kevin Clancy]

I feel like there's almost, like, a finite amount of comics that people like, and I know that, like, Shane and Schultz were probably, like, a little bit after you guys. So you're not. You guys are different classes or generations, but for the most part, you guys all are kind of the same general. In my mind.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah. I think. I think ultimately we are. But. But.

[Kevin Clancy]

But is. Are there. Is there somebody right now? I know there's a bunch of great comics, but is there somebody who's, like, backfilling you? Shane Schultz. You know, I guess there was enough years in between you guys, so maybe I'm answering my own question. Question. But it almost feels like these guys, you know, the fans find the podcast that they, like, they watch the specials, they, like, they all can only spend a certain amount of money and go to a Certain amount of shows. And there's not like a new crop of 10 comics coming up that are gonna like, reach the level you guys are at.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I think the new crop is the Kill Tony kids.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, here's. Here's the thing. And I'm looking. I'm speaking a little out of school because it's not my beef to have, but there are comics that are road comics. So you got New York comics, you got LA comics, then you got comics that live in the center of the country, that do the road living in maybe Atlanta, Nashville, and they're road dogs. Like, they do the one Nighters at the Funny Bones and they do the Tribble Runs or whatever. And then. And then you've got the Kill Tony comics who are wildly. I mean, there's. And by the way, there's two crops of Kill Tony comics, in my opinion. There's the monsters who are. Are legit, incredible comedians. And I mean that. Like David Lucas, Ari Manti is. I'm gonna say this. I think I'm saying Ari Manti, Cam Patterson.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cam and Ari were. He's like the. The Russian. Yeah, yeah, Cam. At the Mothership.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm not naming everyone, and I apologize. I just stopped at those three because I know they're doing a tour called the Killers of Kill Tony. And. And they're. I looked at the lineup and I was like, okay, that's legit.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then you got like some lower tier, like, younger guys that have been killed doing Kill Tony for a year or like, or doing Stand up for a year. And they did Kill Tony and they pop a little bit. But there's a division between these road guys who don't do Kill Tony because they're a little bit past, in their opinion. Like, you can hear it like, I'll work with some of them and they'll just. You can hear the bitterness because these kids who are.

[Kevin Clancy]

Who've been it for a year Pop, and they've been. They're getting the spots against.

[Bert Kreischer]

I want to say now, Cam Patterson is. Cam and Ari both. I mean, I've know David Lucas very well. David Lucas is hysterical. But Cam and Aria, I mean, it was gonna happen for them whether it was killed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, right, right.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're really. And I think Cam would be a real special one because I don't think he's been doing stand up all that long.

[John Feidelberg]

Cam is really, really.

[Kevin Clancy]

Bro, the Mothership, I was in tears, man. It was.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's so funny. Did you see that? The joke he had about being at The Emmett Till Memorial. There was an Emmett Till exhibit. And he was like, I was sitting at this Emmett Till exhibit, and I saw this fat white chick, so I figured I'd holler at her. Right. Emmett would appreciate it. I It up. Camera. Sorry. I'll tell you what I love about Cam is his dad. He's really close with his dad, and his dad comes with him. When we took him on the road, his dad came out on the road with us.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so you're like, he's a.

[Kevin Clancy]

But so, like. And those guys are, you know, blowing up. But are they. You know, some of you guys are putting up, you know, eight, nine figures. Like, is there enough room for more of those? Or do you think almost like a couple of you guys gotta, like, fully retire before they spend that much money on tickets and watch all the specials and download the podcast, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know. I mean, I'll tell you, Schultz and Shane are the. I think are probably. I'm. I. I know I'm misspeaking. And Stavi is in that group. Group. Chris. Chris DiStefano's in that group. And I'm only. Because I've had a drink and I can't remember everyone's name. I don't want to disrespect anyone. And not sodas in that group. Jay's in that group. They're really. But Jay's more my age. But those guys, they just started, in my opinion. Yeah, they just started.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Like, at their age, right now is probably when you were doing, like, Travel Channel or some. Right. Like, you're breaking your back doing Birth to Conquer or whatever.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't even think I got in Travel Channel. Yeah. Just. I was. Shane, 32.

[John Feidelberg]

I think he's my age, so he's probably 36.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, 36. 32.

[Bert Kreischer]

36. I just had. Oh. At 36. I was not. I was headlining for 1300 a week. Yeah, 36.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, they're so ahead of the game.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, 37. He's so ahead of the game, man. And by the way, let's be real. He hasn't even started doing movies yet.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Shane is a great actor, talented comedian.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dare I say he is an even better actor?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, he is scary. He. I said it in an interview. I think he read it and texted me and thanked me. I don't know why he thanked me, but I just said, cool, whatever. I think he's going to be the best comedic actor of our generation. I absolutely think there's no one that can Hold a candle to him. He is so.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't think that's talented. I don't think that's like a bold, even statement. I think that's like. Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, I, I think. And I love his stand up. I'll tell you what's crazy. This is my, my. I. I had never seen his stand up. All the times I'd worked with him, I was always backstage. So we did Red Rocks, we did the super bowl, and we did Fully Loaded. When we did Eric. Whenever we did, I took him on the road with me. I never got to watch his act because I was always backstage. So I never saw the, like, Shane, the act outs the Shaynism, you know.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I never saw. So I saw his. I saw Beautiful Dogs and I knew the material. I was really, like, kind of like, like, yeah, I'll check it out. You know, give a shout out to my boys on Netflix. Hey, guys, check out my buddies who's streaming number one on Netflix. Wow, that's nice. Good job. I was like, oh, wait, there's a lot of big show on Netflix this week. Jesus Christ. And then I. But I watched it and I'd never seen it. And I was on my treadmill, crying, laughing, going, I've never seen this. This is why he's Georgia's favorite comedian, right? Georgia. Georgia and Isla love Shane.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, that Shane was the first one to get Georgia to. To laugh at like, inappropriate jokes. She's not woke anymore. He broke her. But. Yeah, but like, yeah, I think that generation just started. I'm gonna be real. I don't know if I don't. I. And I apologize if I'm saying this, Andrew. I don't know if Andrew Schultz has ever done a Funny Bone.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right? Like, he just kind of skipped it almost. Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I. If you told me, I would bet whatever my salary is in Vegas that he hasn't done the Omaha Funny Bone, which is like one of the greatest clubs in the country and where all of us spent all of our time. I mean, honestly, the Omaha Funny Bone is. This, was this wild, like, sparkstone of everything. The greatest funny bones. The Dayton Funny Bone. Great, great club. I don't think Shan Dane or Shane or Andrew has ever had to do morning radio. Like, right where they get up and they're like 6am coming to my club tonight about yourself.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they dodged a lot of that we didn't do. But, you know, and I think that's. I, you know, I, I look back and I go, yeah, I Would have loved to have dodged that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, well, that's why I think.

[John Feidelberg]

Which is also how they should be looking at you. When you, when we started the interview talking about, like, doing new stuff, you're like, yeah, I'm saving your asses, dude. You guys don't have to do this.

[Kevin Clancy]

But when people get mad about that or like, I had to do it, so they do too. It's like, no, bro, no, no, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's always how it goes. You made it easier for the next people.

[Bert Kreischer]

And dude, you dodged. They are dodging. Do you know how many of those funny bones ruin marriages? Andrew Schultz is going to have a happy life because he just does arenas. I mean, it's, it's a beautiful gift to not have to do those funny boys bones.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Now for me, it taught me how to do stand up. I think I'm a better comic because of those funny bones. Because this, there was no phones. You could say wild. You could do whatever the you wanted. And, and I learned how to write. Like, I, I, I never. It's the reason I did two hours the other night having not done stand up for nine months. I was like, yeah, it, let's just get up there and write. And whoever I was with was like, do you always write in theaters this big? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I write in arenas, but it's because I've been doing it so long.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, so long. I mean, it's easy for you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. When Shane started doing standup, I mean, I, I was already like 12 years in.

[Kevin Clancy]

How did, like, it's like someone like Shane did, you know, or like when his controversy happened, did you like, is that when you connect?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no.

[Kevin Clancy]

I knew before so just from the industry. Just like, you know, so I always.

[Bert Kreischer]

Say, like, you can, you can tell someone's funny. You can tell. You can tell someone's funny funny when they're just funny and, and they're like, Shane wasn't even that great on stage yet, I don't think, but he was.

[Kevin Clancy]

In the funny person.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was just, he is just funny. Yeah, he's just funny. And he was in the green room. We were in Philly. We were doing a Calling Sick to work show. And he's just like, hey, so we're drinking today. It's like 10 in the morning. I go, yeah, let's do fireball shots. He's like, oh, okay. So he's telling me a story and he brings mentions his girlfriend, and her name's like Big Tuna. And I I said, what? And he goes, it's her nickname. And I went, no, I know that. And then he looks at me like in a. In a. Only a Shane way. And he's like, she's a big girl. And I go, shane, her nickname is big. I go, I love this kid. I love this kid. Like he just. And he's a. And Shane will say the exact same thing about me, I promise you. He is the best hang.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, well, that's. How many people do you think are out there who are a great hang and are really funny, who just either don't have the desire or the ability to like harness it and make a stand up career out of it, but are like, naturally probably the funniest people out there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I know. I know 10 guys who are probably.

[Kevin Clancy]

Funnier than any comic, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Than any comic.

[Kevin Clancy]

You guys are just the nerds who took the time to write it down and craft a artsy stand up. They're just fun funny. Get a bunch of funny black guys in a room, they're gonna trounce all you guys. You know what I mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like I used to say, the average black guy is funnier than all you is funnier.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

I think Kyle Kanane had a quote once that I love where he said something, something. The effect of every comic is not the funniest in his friend group. Oh, and remember that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Without a doubt, when my friends watch me do stand up. Up, they're kind of like, yeah, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, and if they're not, they're like, not your real friends.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they're like. So you're saying that, huh? My early standup, I was just stealing phrases from my friends.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's my entire personality.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I remember it. One of the things, one of the nicknames I'd call people, like, doing crowd work was pft. Prison Toy. That's from my buddy Pete Whing. I mean, all my friends. My friends were. My fraternity was possibly the funniest individuals. The hardest I ever laughed. Now I would say the majority of them would say I was the funniest guy in my fraternity, but I was. I was. I was so much quicker than I was so much quicker. The hardest I've ever made anyone laugh. 180 dudes in a room. And we got. I hope I haven't told you this already. And we're doing homecoming now. I told you the story.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

We're doing homecoming with Faith Data, and my buddy Eddie Fernandez is running the meeting. And the president at the time is this guy named Kurt. And you get. You got three strikes in, in a, in a chapter meeting before you got kicked out. And usually it's like if you were disruptive, three strikes. So I'm on two strikes already, and we haven't even gotten to homecoming, and.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know a strike's coming.

[Bert Kreischer]

But if you could get them to laugh hard enough, you could. You didn't get a strike. So Eddie brings up a joke or brings up something about Theta, and I make a subtle joke, big laugh. Kurt's like, yo, watch it. And he says another thing about Theta homecoming. And he goes, hey, that's it. Okay? That's it. If I hear one more fucking joke about Theta, you're out. Got that? And it's quiet, and everyone's kind of looking at me, and I go, two Thetas walk into a bar, exploded, and I got booted out. I mean, I remember there was a guy named Jason Filameno who is jacked, and he had tiny legs. And Damian Burdick was walking by, walking by the lounge, and he casually hears. I mean, it's like the perfect moment. Jason Filameno standing in front of the doors at the lounge as Damon's walking by. And Damon goes. Jason goes, yeah, man, I work out every day, but I can't get my legs to get bigger. And Damien just goes, start putting the needle in your ass. I mean, just the funniest things. I, I, I'm. My friends, my fraternity were like, fucking, wow.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And like, they're just not the people who are going to turn into a career or whatever.

[Bert Kreischer]

But my buddy Eddie Fernandez is the funniest guy I know. Yeah, he is the funniest guy I know. He is the, without a doubt, the funniest guy I know. And, and, and, and unbridled humor. He just, it. The. Dare I say I made him. It made him feel gross to repeat a sentence for a laugh. Like, he just was like, like, so wait, you do that again, again and again and again. You already know it's funny, right? And I was like, yeah, I know, but it's like, it's like, it's, it's. He, he was just.

[Kevin Clancy]

I get that. But then it's also, like $100 million later. I bet you wish you repeated your jokes, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I mean, he's, I mean, I just saw him in West Palm when I was doing whatever the thing down there, and you could see he was, like, looking at it like, so this is what you do, huh? Like, he's like, yeah, but, yeah, I.

[John Feidelberg]

Think it's a weird Thing with like, even with podcasting, like, you, like, you'll be like, I've, I've said this before. I've tweeted before. Like, you always want to give, which sucks because like, then it kind of takes some winds on the sails for the listener. But like, I, I, I get that where I was like, I don't want to say it again without acknowledging. I've already, I know I've already said this.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's, I mean, there's something inherently phony about if you don't say that. It's like, I'll do a video for Instagram. And now I'm trying to put them on. I'm trying to do like a long form of one minute man on YouTube. So it's more like a show. So I still have the same take, you know, and it's like if you're saying it in a way where you're acting like you haven't said it for the first time, you lie. You know, that feels like to me, you know, but that's, that's the, that's the part that it's like you are willing to do those awkward things and to, and to work on it and workshop it. And that's why you get to be, you know, who you are. Because you gotta have both. You gotta like, be able to put it all together, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I love that. One Minute Man. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American home shield will help fix.

[John Feidelberg]

Or replace the covered item, no matter its age page.

[Bert Kreischer]

Visit ahs.com listen for 20 off any.

[Kevin Clancy]

Plan cahs.com contracts for coverage, details, limitations and exclusions. Thank you, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tiger woods is dating Trump.

[Kevin Clancy]

Who saw that coming? Vanessa Trump.

[John Feidelberg]

I saw the tweet. I didn't see, I was like, oh, it's a blonde person. I didn't know that's a Trump.

[Kevin Clancy]

His ex wife, he has like five.

[John Feidelberg]

Kids with is her. No, I did not. I thought it was just some blonde girl.

[Kevin Clancy]

Her daughter, their daughter plays golf with Sam and Charlie, or Charlie woods really. They go to like the same school and I guess, I guess it had been speculated and, and like rumors and so he was like, I'm getting ahead of it, but it's kind of crazy to announce it and say now respect our privacy.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, nobody knew, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

Nobody knew. And then he said, love is in the air, which is just a funny like, like we've all, we've seen the tax tiger. We know what you get down. And now you're like, you're my, you're My soul mate. It's like you. You pee on Perkins. Waitress.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's my guy.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's the best. He.

[John Feidelberg]

He.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's the also, like, the quintessential. Like, he's just so awesome. And at the time there was like, you know, the scandal. And then it's just like, now. You're awesome, man. You're just a dude who, like, did. Lived a normal life. Had regular. Not normal, but like, you were a regular guy and you're awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know what? You know what? I. He gives you the hope for just any given Sunday, any Sunday he may come back and win the Masters one more time. One more time.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, once he did that, that. I remember being like, it's over, bro. But then he did win that one, and it's like, okay, now you never.

[Bert Kreischer]

It is.

[John Feidelberg]

It is crazy that. It's just like. I remember back in, like, the part of the interruption days when they were. They'd be debating. There's like, who you taking this weekend? Tiger of the field? And it's like, you're just Tiger or the field is crazy. It's still like, yeah, I think he tore his ACL or he had some issues Achilles. And I remember seeing that tweet and going, he's still got another one in him.

[Kevin Clancy]

There was. Did you see.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think Charlie, his. His son was talking about. They were at the indoor golf stadium and it was his birthday, whatever it was. And. And. And they. And. Or younger golfer. Whatever it was was like, like, when you were my age, like, were you on tour yet? Or something like that. And he was like, what was that? Yeah, I had won like, three Masters by the time I was your age. Like, he wasn't doing it like a cocky way. He was just recounting like, yeah, no, I won.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I know it was. Yeah, yeah. It's. It's funny, you. You always wondered what, like, the craziest thing in this business is to watch people blow past you, right? To, like, like, it. It. I've watched people dislike me because of it, and then I've watched people celebrate me, and I didn't realize how important the celebration was. Like, and then you watch someone, like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, you're saying when you blow by somebody, some people don't like it, but some people also celebrate the fact that you did.

[Bert Kreischer]

So some people are like, like, you know, and I say blow past them. I. I just mean, like, do bigger things than they were doing at the time or they ever did. Like, I can simply say that when Shane started. Shane broke my drink Sales in Arizona, which is like, that's. Ticket sales are one thing.

[John Feidelberg]

You break my drinking sales. That hurts.

[Bert Kreischer]

He tested me. He's like. He's like, guess who has got you.

[Kevin Clancy]

You guys have a good, like, magic bird thing going. I think it's like a rivalry, but it's friends.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm not even a rivalry. Like, I. It's just. It's funny. It's like. It's like. It's just. I. Dude. That dude knows I root for him. That guy knows I root for him. The day he got snl, the week he got snl, we were together in Austin. He's like, hey, can I talk to you privately? And I was like, yeah. We went into a stairwell, went somewhere, and just pulled me aside. It was like, he's coming out of the closet, and he goes, I'm hosting snl. He saw genuine love in my eyes for him, for him coming back, and for him being on top.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, the mere fact that even thought to pull you aside to tell you that, you know. Yeah, I was. I told the story that when we were at the mothership, he was talking to James McCann, and he was like, this is Kevin from Barstool. He does a show with Feidelberg, KFC Radio. They're like. They're really good to comics. And. And James was like, oh, cool. Cool. And he was like, no, no, like, for real. Those guys put us on, a lot of us on, when nobody else did.

[Bert Kreischer]

You guys did. You guys did.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I was like, wow, thank you for saying that, man. Like, it's, you know, it's. It's very much appreciated to hear that. And I think the people. People know who are the ones rooting for you and who are the ones who are, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, you don't know. You don't know. That's. The crazy thing is, like, you don't. Like, there's times where you're like, I didn't know we were competing to like other people.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But then I remember, like, Billy Gardell pulling me aside and going like, hey, man, congrats on all your success. This is really special. I hope you're enjoying it. And then I didn't, like, blow past him. He's a movie. He's a TV star. Right. I was having a moment, and he meant it, and I. And you don't realize it until you start having people hate your guts. When you start doing better than them, they start hating you. And then you're like, oh, shit. So the real joy I've had, honestly, is watching someone like Like, Stavi has just had his movie come out. Absolutely. I go to your premiere. There's no way I don't go to your premiere. You're having a premiere in la? You think I'm not gonna show the up and to watch Stabby kill it in that movie. That movie's so funny. And it is because of him.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that's the gift in this business, you think? Do you think Joe Rogan's ever been jealous of anyone, anything? Do you think Joe Rogan gives a. He is so happy that you are doing well. I've watched him celebrate every single one in his circle. To me, Tommy, Joey, Ari. He celebrates everyone and then celebrates you back to yourself. That's the energy. That's pretty awesome.

[John Feidelberg]

I, I, I've always like compared it's barstool, but it's, it's, it applies to industries and stuff like that, where I've always been like, it's just like sports, dude. Like, we're on the same team.

[Bert Kreischer]

Team.

[John Feidelberg]

I want to kick the out of you in practice, but I want you to be good when we get out there because, like, yeah, the better you are, the better this team looks, this industry looks, whatever. Like one on one. I want to win. Yeah, but when you win, I'm gonna root for you. Like, I'm happy for you, but there's.

[Kevin Clancy]

Less people like us than there are.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, there's ways, you know, like, dude, there's so many people. I mean, look, and that's the truth, though. You can't, like, hate them for it. It's just natural. It happens. Maybe they're, you know, know. It's like you can't control what someone's dad did to them. And then that's the they're dealing with the rest of the life. It just rears its head. I. As soon as you started saying that, I started thinking, what if Rogan had started a bar stool when he started his podcast?

[John Feidelberg]

Dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, if he, if he. I don't owned but like, if all of you guys, all those comics that he put on were like, under his umbrella, forget. That's what I wanted to do here. I wanted to do that. It didn't end up working, but I was looking at guys like Soder, and some of these guys who I think are like, need to even hit the next level. And I was like, I mean, I had said, I think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's, I think so. There's gonna be the next one to pop, in my opinion. Totally Dan Soder.

[Kevin Clancy]

Funniest, natural, natural funny guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Out there.

[John Feidelberg]

I. I think he is.

[Kevin Clancy]

I've been saying that forever. I remember saying. I was like, you know, I. When I didn't have my barstool money, I remember being like, oh, if I had money now, I would, like, invest in this guy. But by the time I have it, he. You know, it won't be an option. And then. But I, you know, I. I said to Stephano, I said, shane. I said, soder. And I was like, if all these guys were barstool guys, it would have been. Who knows?

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, you could see it. You could see it. You know, so funny. I was scrolling. I was just looking for pictures of when we put Priscilla down. And one of the pictures that showed up was a. Because I guess back in the day on Instagram, if you shared a story with. Get saved your camera roll, maybe, okay, it was a video of Schultz turn it sideways thing. And I was like, you know, if. If you told me that day would. Right before I give. It was probably the day Priscilla died and I shared it or right before, if you told me I could invest in Schultz's career, right? I would have done it. Now. I'll tell you the only one that snuck up. Shane's career snuck up on me because I go, this is gonna be. I know how funny he is, but this is gonna be like a long hole. Like, this is not. I didn't see it happening the way it happened. Yeah, Like, I was like. I mean, we knew how funny he was. Like, we Meteor personally knew how relentlessly. Dude, the day. The hardest we've laughed in that tour bus is we're watching Apocalypto. And it's me. And me, Shane, I think Andrew, you and my cameraman, John Manns and Dave Williamson and John Manns. My cameraman goes, oh, oh, oh. Turn off the subtitles. And we're like, what? And he goes, turn off subtitles. You're not supposed to watch it with subtitles. And Shane goes, you speak ancient Aztec man. Shane, you're a meathead. You don't know what you're talking about. This movie was made so you can understand it without subtitles. And Shane goes, no, you're a fucking idiot. Why would they have put subtitles on there if they didn't need them? And he goes, it's on. And they start fighting over subtitles. So through the whole movie, all. I don't know if Shane watched a movie. All he did was anytime there was a scene where it was important what they were saying, he goes, man, what did I say? How the fuck are we supposed to know that his name's Super, We're Fox and this is his jungle. He's hunted since he's a child, man. He's standing there talking. And then Shane's goes, that does it, Mans. That does it. I'm going on Joe Rogan tomorrow and I'm calling you a pedophile. And Mans goes, you can't do that. That's slander. And he goes, you watch me do it. And Shane goes on Joe Rogan. And he goes. Joe's like, so how you been on the road with Burton? He's like, yeah, it's been great, except for this one pedophile, John Mans. And Mans is like. And man saw it. He got so upset, he's like, he can't. He goes, we need to do a rebuttal video. I go, man, it's not real. You're not really a.

[John Feidelberg]

That actually makes me scared about.

[Bert Kreischer]

We need to make a statement, like, we need. So Mans and I did a rebuttal video to Shane's video. I mean, Shane would torture John Mans and it would make us laugh. The. The hardest we laughed was. I mean, do you. I remember one time Dave Williamson saying he could pretty much be a Navy SEAL because he played water polo. And Shane. Now Shane quit the army, so Shane knows how hard it is and he quit it. And what he's hearing is, I'm tougher than you. Yeah, because I played water polo. And buddy Shane called a Navy Seal on FaceTime, said, Just take a look at this fat. You think I'm mean, He would get on that bus, he made us laugh so hard. What was the one. What was. At the end of Apocalypto, they chase Running Fox or whatever his name is to the ocean. The two Aztecs, they finally got their guy. He drops to his knees, they're going to behead him. And a ship comes in. Now, anyone else who knows anything about history knows these are the Spanish colonizers. This is Cortex Fez. And they're about to. They're. All of this society is about to be decimated by smallpox, including Montezuma. All the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Everybody. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The ship comes in and Dave Williamson goes, oh, pirates. And Shane Gillis almost jumped out of his because you ruined a goddamn movie with your stupidity. Pirates. Dave, it's not pirates.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. That guy was singularly the funnest guy on a bus.

[Kevin Clancy]

If you're. If it's just the fellas, like, hanging out, there is. There's nobody better, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tim Dylan's Best gossip. Yeah, I can see that. Tim Dillon is the best gossip. He's not a great. Hang on a bus. Cuz he doesn't fit in the bunks. No, lengthwise. Lengthwise. Lengthwise. For real. Lengthwise. He's. He's. He's a large dude. He's just as uncomfortable in the bunks. So he get hotel rooms every night and then sneak out in the morning and go get donuts. Like he get a dozen donuts first thing in the morning. And I. I think it was two dozen. And he was murdering a dozen. Bringing us a dozen. But sh. But, but Tim Dillon is the best gossip. Mark Norman is the funnest. He is the fun. Oh my God, Mark Norman. Mark Norman, man. Oh, he is. Is. Because he's. When he's not trying to be funny, he is so much funnier. Like he's always funny. He's always funny when he's doing like one liners. And I took Mark Norman to Europe with me. This is when Mark was very young and he was. I don't. I don't know if he was selling it. I don't even know if he's headlining yet. And man, I put him at my speed where like I party. And every morning he was coming out with dents all over him. And all I can say is one morning, he knows the morning I'm talking about. He had me dry heaving, crying, laughing, telling me about his evening. And I have never laughed harder at a guy. Me and him together, we walked into a. We went to a strip club. There's two parts of this story that are so great. So we go to this first strip club. It's in like Sweden, I think. And we go in and we're like, hey. Mark's like, hey, two. Two us. And the guy's like, no, Marcos, no. And he goes, no, no. And Marcos, why not? And he goes, what are you guys here for? And Marcos, we're strippers. She goes, he goes, no, our girls are looking for a more of a commitment. And Mark goes, well, I don't know if I want a commitment. So he turns around and they go, what is it? And he goes, the girls want a commitment. And I go, like, what are they? We gotta sit and watch Game of Thrones. And we're started going back and forth, volleying type of commitments. We couldn't stop laughing, couldn't stop laughing. Laughed all the way to the next strip club. We sit down in the strip club and Leanne texts and he goes, hey, what are you gonna do with that? I Ain't answer it. It's my wife. I text her, I said, hey, I'm with Mark in the strip club Marco. Oh, you gonna say that? And I was like, yeah. And then she wrote back, are you getting a lap dance? And I hadn't gotten one, and I wasn't getting one.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so, Marcos, what do you say to that? I wrote. I wrote. I tell her the truth. I wrote, no. And then the bubbles show up on my phone and it pops and Mark grabs and he goes, oh, oh. I said, what? He goes, she called you a dude. Mark Norman. Mark Norman on that trip was the. I mean, just partying his dick off. I remember he ate. He was like. He was like. He had a big bite of a velvet cupcake and I was like, like, what is it? He goes, I think it's marijuana.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude, speaking of trips, what is. What's like Amsterdam 2.0 when we run in a vac. New city, same city. What do we. What do we think?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm certain I'm gonna announce a European leg of this tour. Permission. Pull up my dates. I wonder what daytime Permission to party world tour. I got offered Abu Dhabi.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was just the.

[Bert Kreischer]

You got offered Abu Dhabi? Well, apparently the permission to party was denied.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're like the. It was a two year anniversary of. Of Amsterdam that popped up like on my. You know, or whatever. And I felt like all together, it felt like much less time, but also much more time as well.

[Bert Kreischer]

5K. The 5K by May.

[John Feidelberg]

May 4th, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

May 4th. Jelly roll. Dude, that's going to be massive.

[Kevin Clancy]

I thought it was in Vegas.

[John Feidelberg]

You know what? I still don't know what I ran the first time.

[Bert Kreischer]

For real?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. I'm sure there's a way to find it out, but I don't know what my.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, Great Outdoors Comedy Festival, Halifax Spoke weekend. Calgary, Vancouver is all in August and September. Those are fun dates. But then the tour, the Permission World Party World tour starts in Rockford, Illinois, September 18th. Milwaukee. Oh, wait, where's that place? They just change the name of that place. Am I doing a different place than normal in Milwaukee?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that's probably like where the Bucks are now or some, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, oh, I like the other place I was at. It was right next to Packer State, Atlanta. Hey, don't. You're gonna stress me out. What's the capacity of this place? I'm looking at it going, God damn it. I'll tell you what, I. I'm really happy to do arenas again. God damn it. How big is this guy? 18,000 hey, guys. SHANE Gillis is gonna be there with.

[John Feidelberg]

Me.

[Bert Kreischer]

By the way. I'll probably be doing lower bowl seating. I can't imagine we're gonna get basketball capacity.

[John Feidelberg]

Shane Gillis is probably gonna be there with.

[Bert Kreischer]

Shane Gillis is stopping in. I hope you guys enjoy it.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

St. Paul, Duth, Eugene, Oregon, Morris. I'm at Red Rocks October 1st. That's a show. I don't know who's coming with me to Red Rocks, man. That's what the only thing that sucks about all my friends getting.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know who you should put on?

[Bert Kreischer]

Who? Is someone doing standup?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, dude, I've been doing standup.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you? Me?

[John Feidelberg]

He's.

[Kevin Clancy]

He is funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, wait, hang on. Have you gone on the road with anyone yet?

[John Feidelberg]

I've gone on the road with. With Francis. And I did a show. Some shows in Austin at Cap City.

[Bert Kreischer]

Francis. Man, I think about Francis more than I should.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I don't ever get in traffic without thinking about Francis.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't ever park a car without thinking about Francis. He's a really good actor.

[Kevin Clancy]

I go to the grocery store. We were just talking about how do you watch White Lotus?

[Bert Kreischer]

No. Seeing it.

[Kevin Clancy]

No. But there's a, like, a sociopath, like, creepy, weird character. And he was like, I would be perfect for this role. And I was like, you would. He's so. He's so good, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's awesome.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, he put.

[Bert Kreischer]

And his story was that he did something like he wrote a vlog and got kicked out.

[Kevin Clancy]

There was. There was a story about a girl who had been kidnapped. And then her Instagram was active, and everyone was like, oh, she's alive. And the story was like, she's a sugar baby and a sugar daddy. And so he wrote a blog talking about that, and he pressed publish. And like, two minutes later, they found her remains had been burned. Burned. They burned her body. It was like, the worst luck ever. And Dave at the time was like, you know, he was not. Francis wasn't really established. He was taking a lot of heat, and he fired him for it. But he made his way back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Want to see a bad one? This almost. I almost derailed my career a week ago.

[Kevin Clancy]

A week ago?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's nothing that could derail you now. How bad could it have been?

[Bert Kreischer]

It was. It was pretty close. So there's a. I wish I had my glasses on. I can see your readers.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know.

[John Feidelberg]

What is them right there with the Diet Coke.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Here it is. I'm gonna show you the picture. Okay. Don't do not get this on camera. So Magic Johnson's already laughing. I know. Magic Johnson posted a picture of him in Hawaii with another couple. That's all I saw. I don't have my readers on. I can't read what it is. And, and, but all I know is it's very Photoshoppable. So I cut me and Ti and Tiny into that picture, right? With Magic and his wife and Cookie and the things. And so. And it looks real, right?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so I was like, fucking then. This kind of looks real. So I'm gonna post it. So I, I think. I think I sent it to the group. And then Pete goes, whoa, buddy, I'd pump the brakes. I said, what? He goes, you didn't read the caption, did you? I was like, no. She goes, that friend passed away. I was gonna post.

[Kevin Clancy]

Imagine if you were like, look at.

[Bert Kreischer]

This funny shit hanging out with the black people.

[Kevin Clancy]

Half of them are dead.

[Bert Kreischer]

I. There's still one that I. I was questionable. You've heard of. Of Fat Edwards season? Oh, are you Me? It maybe is the greatest, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what was a great joke, by the way? The. The. When you just said, does everyone know that the letter B is next to the letter N on the keyboard? And you let it sit. And then when the punchline hit of, she was cool, she said, let's go with the Escalade.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

You know, you got to do a.

[Kevin Clancy]

Little bit of math to figure it out.

[John Feidelberg]

It was a great joke.

[Bert Kreischer]

The story I left out of there, which is. Which I wish I had put in. And I didn't think about it. It's. But it's almost too much to. It is sending texts without readers is. I sent a text to Nate Diaz. He was like, yo, you're coming through, Stockton. Me and the boys want to hang out, come through, and whatever. And I just did a voice text. I was like, absolute lutely. And I hit send. And then I read it, and I went, wait, what did I say? And voice text changed it to I'm so lonely.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't think of anything worse to send to a guy like.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, Nate Diaz is like, all right, I gotta Bert. I guess.

[Bert Kreischer]

I, I, I'm not certain. And they. They've reached out. The. The company's reached out to me.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're called fat fellas on Instagram. And they've reached out. I don't know. I think they're selling cryptocurrency. But to be honest with you, I'm investing. I've grown so much Joy from this. Like, the other day, Shaq was like, hey, did you find out what season it is? I said, I did. And he goes, don't say it, Bert. Dude, we like you.

[Kevin Clancy]

We don't like you that much. I've never.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've never said that full sentence. I've never said it. But, buddy went. The day I die on my death set, my last words is, yo, shut the up. I. I don't know what they do. I think it's cryptocurrency, but.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, Wait, but you gotta put my boy on, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

The moment. The moment I knew that Fidalberg was the real deal.

[Bert Kreischer]

When. When's a. A close state? You don't want to do Red Rocks. That's too much for you? Oh, wait, I don't understand right now.

[John Feidelberg]

That's going to open for you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, no, no, you are. You are.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hang on. Go back.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're going to do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Harford, Connecticut, November 13th. That looks like a good one.

[Kevin Clancy]

You got.

[Bert Kreischer]

You want to do that run. You want to do that?

[Kevin Clancy]

By November, you'll be ready.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do that run. Hang on. November 13th. November 14th. November 15th. November 16th. We end in Richmond, Virginia. Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Look, here's the deal, Bert. If you invite me on this, I'm going to come, all right? I do not know if I'm going to do well, so think about that.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's okay, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

Here's what I need. The real deal.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're not coming to see you.

[John Feidelberg]

It'll be okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

We were in. We were in LA and Michael Turner was. Was running a show and, like, texted. Felbergen was like, do you want to go up?

[Bert Kreischer]

Up?

[Kevin Clancy]

And we were like. We had some to do. He was on the fence. He was like, all right, it. I'll do it. We walk in and, like, within 30 seconds, they, like, force him on stage. It wasn't like, figure it out. We'll set up. Like, when are you gonna go? And it was just like, put. Put a mic in his hand and he went up and he just smoked it. And I've been around enough of you guys now to know when. You know, it was. It was a perfectly normal comedy set that if any of our peers had done it, it'd be like, yeah, I don't know. They were up there doing their thing. And it was like, within five minutes, he found out about it. We got there, and he went up on stage and did it. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. This is not just, like, a little hobby, like, he's doing it for real?

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

So, Harford. November 13th.

[Bert Kreischer]

What is it? November 13th, 14th, 15th. Hartford, Baltimore, Hershey, Pennsylvania. Is that it?

[John Feidelberg]

I mean, I'm gonna do it. If you're actually invited me. I'm gonna do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's an official offer. Harford on the 13th. Baltimore on the 14th. Hershey on the 15th. And November 16th, Richmond, Virginia. It'll be a blast. It'll be a blast. Four days on the bus. Party balls. Have a good time. We'll bring. We'll bring. It'll be two comics. It'll be you and another guy. So we'll bring someone adjacent. We should bring Francis too.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm gonna say we should probably.

[Bert Kreischer]

Francis. We should bring Francis too. We'll do me and Francis that week.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. Dude, are you serious?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask Francis. V is in. I don't have his number, but, yeah, let's do it.

[John Feidelberg]

Are you serious?

[Bert Kreischer]

It'll be a blast. You. You'll love it. You'll love it.

[John Feidelberg]

I, I, I will. I'm excited and I will love it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll tell you right now, you could. You could tell. Smallest dick in the room on stage. That's a bit. I mean, it's a bit. I don't know. I. When I heard it, I missed something that lives rent free in my head. We did the Smallest dick on the boat competition for our cruise. I told you that, right?

[John Feidelberg]

I. No, I don't think I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pull up the dick. Pull up the dick.

[John Feidelberg]

Pull up the dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

We did it. We did it. And we said, I give $5,000. Anyone who's got the smallest chicken?

[Kevin Clancy]

How small was it?

[Bert Kreischer]

You'll see it in two seconds.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like micro or like, just small?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's pretty bad.

[Kevin Clancy]

Very bad.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pretty bad.

[John Feidelberg]

We were talking about with Frankie Bry, you know this. But the second half of that story now.

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[John Feidelberg]

Is that. So we told that story a million times. And we did a show in Buffalo.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, right, right.

[John Feidelberg]

And they came because that's where it was. The event took place in Buffalo the first time around. So they. They're from the area. They came game and they showed us a picture, bro. It's not a regular dick, Bert. It's a big dick.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was not. Not only was it not small, I was like, if you guys consider this a small dick, you all have hammers. It was like. I was like, I'm jealous of this guy's dick. And he's the. Who's got smaller guy?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God. Which.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't know if that kills the story or not.

[Kevin Clancy]

It almost makes Me think. It's, like, the only reason this guy was willing to be like, look at my small dick, is because it was, like, five inches soft.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because.

[Kevin Clancy]

What the is this?

[John Feidelberg]

In the. The port of the. In the original story, I was taking a pissed. So I, like, never really turned around. I never saw anyone's dick. And by the time I was done, they were still pants down. But I wasn't. You know, I wasn't like, man, let me get a good look at that guy. I was just kind of. Well, you can see it from, you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Know, 100 miles away.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I was talking. I was talking to Shaq. I was. I was talking about him on stage the other day about, like. I was like, wait, have you ever gotten your whole dick in someone? And you could see. You could see he didn't realize that was a thing, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

He was like, what are you saying? Your whole dick goes in? I only get, like, a quarter.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was like, shaq, I go like, pubis to pubis.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I get all the way in. And he was like, hold on. And he. Like, I don't even know the idea. He was like, see the video? It's on his podcast. We just did a podcast. And he's. He's. You can see that he doesn't realize that, like, yeah. That dicks come smaller and that you can put the whole thing in, and then it disappears in a vagina. And it's just Shaq going like. Like, yeah. And then. And then me and his co host are sitting there laughing, going, you know, Shaq, like, you can. We. Ours go all the way in.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like. Like, what do you. Shaq, what do you think the phrase balls deep means? Like, I.

[Bert Kreischer]

He. You know, when those. When those guys, they. I don't think their dick gets fully hard. I think they have to hold it and.

[Kevin Clancy]

And use, like, their hands almost.

[John Feidelberg]

I. I just.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know how black. Some of these guys even come. Like, this isn't even enough to get you off.

[John Feidelberg]

When I was in high school, there was a kid who was a prince, I believe, in Africa. And he was very tall. He was, like, center on the basketball team, all this stuff. And there was a rumor. I'm sure it's not true, but I don't know one way or the other, that if he got fully hard, he would pass out because he lost too much blood.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was it shocked? It was saying that his fingers tingle. Francis, it's Bert Kreischer. Listen, I have an offer, a firm offer. November 13th, Hartford, Connecticut. November 14th, Baltimore, Missouri, Maryland, number 15th, Hershey, Pennsylvania number 16th, Richmond, Virginia. On the permission to party world tour. Me, you and Feidalberg say you're in. Call me back. 310. Leave it in, leave it in. Every other number. Bleep out every other number.

[John Feidelberg]

You are the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love you guys.

[John Feidelberg]

I love you so much, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you so much. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[Bert Kreischer]

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[Kevin Clancy]

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[John Feidelberg]

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[Kevin Clancy]

Based on 2024 iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower Factory.

[Jackie]

I keep like having dreams. I'm throwing up plastic and I feel like that definitely.

[Kevin Clancy]

Probably because we're all just consuming.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Massive amounts of plastic.

[John Feidelberg]

But like so what?

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[John Feidelberg]

So what was the thing? Like? Our grandfathers consumed asbestos. Our fathers consumed lead. We will consume plastic and then our.

[Kevin Clancy]

Kids will consume something like titanium or some. Yeah. Like whatever it is they.

[Jackie]

I also like, I don't do coke. So it's the same like. It's like tox, you know.

[Kevin Clancy]

That just balances out like.

[John Feidelberg]

Well, I don't do coke, so I can use whatever glass I want.

[Jackie]

It's like I got to eat all.

[Kevin Clancy]

I like that. I like that. Do whatever you want. Go. Well, I don't do coke.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

I mean I.

[Kevin Clancy]

That guy. But like I don't do coke. Yeah. Like I killed that person. But I don't do coke.

[Jackie]

Everyone has their vices and like coke isn't one of them for me.

[John Feidelberg]

So.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you.

[John Feidelberg]

But.

[Kevin Clancy]

But you don't get credit for that. Cuz you want it to be one of your vices.

[Jackie]

No, but I like don't.

[John Feidelberg]

Like I did. I watched Jackie get offered coke the other weekend in her.

[Jackie]

But it's by. It was by.

[Kevin Clancy]

I heard about this. Yeah. She. She's mad that it was from Pat and not like a hot. She wants a hot guy to be like, I want to do coke with you. No, that's okay. But you want the offer.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

I want to be up with you until 6am unable to get hard, just rambling, if that's okay with you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is that something you're interested in? I want to talk at you for a good five hours. Disappoint you sexually.

[John Feidelberg]

You know?

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, does that sound fun?

[Jackie]

You know everyone like, like all girls post like this in the app.

[John Feidelberg]

Like yeah.

[Jackie]

You know, like it's like a martini and like yap or whatever. I've. I've always wanted to but like I'm not gonna this because like you talk a lot when you. That's what I thought it would be funny. But like nothing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you ever done coke?

[Jackie]

Yeah, I'm sorry, I ain't.

[John Feidelberg]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

But like, but like you're just not. You don't have the coke aura. Like. Like let's go to the bathroom and you want to be that.

[John Feidelberg]

I just.

[Jackie]

It's just like whenever I wake up, I'm like another day weird.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like the.

[Jackie]

The more I talk, the more I say stuff that I shouldn't say. And so then it's like I have to reduce that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, and that's. Cocaine's not going to help that coke.

[John Feidelberg]

I never understood how like People got addicted to cocaine where like, like the day after, I was never like, let's get some more coke drinking. I'd be like, I've got a beer.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think you power through that. Well, that's probably true too. Everybody has their thing that really jumps out at them. But I think it's when you get past that and then you need it. Not wanted.

[John Feidelberg]

You need it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I, I don't, I don't necessarily want to put it on blast, but. But Kelly Keegs had maybe the all time best line about cocaine. Never.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

We were coming back from the funeral a couple months ago and, and I don't even remember why we were talking about coke. Oh, she was just talking about how like she gets hate online and someone was like, you're like a coke whore or something like that. And she was like, I don't even do coke anymore. And like everyone kind of laughed and then she was like just looking out the window and I swear to God, she would have said it if there was no one in the car. She goes, I mean the only reason I stopped was because of fentanyl and migraines, but I don't do it anymore.

[John Feidelberg]

I remember when she stopped and she's like, I would just get such bad migraines. Like I don't even know what. That's never a side effect.

[Kevin Clancy]

I've heard of it, but yeah, I mean that little.

[Jackie]

Do it like really hungover the next day.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, yeah, the crash. Maybe it's not a migraine. You know, the come down is that's.

[John Feidelberg]

Just a man versus a woman. Like I've never set up migraine. A hole's getting drilled in my head.

[Kevin Clancy]

This goes, this goes back to the conversation last week. Like manners has been witches. Like when was the last time a guy has been like, I have a nervous stomach ache, My head hurts. Like that is literally every single day of a girl's existence.

[Jackie]

That's not true.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes it is.

[Jackie]

That's not true.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would say that the amount of times that a girl talks about her headache or stomachache compared to men is like a hundred to one.

[Jackie]

Maybe we just have more headaches and stomachs.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cause you guys are.

[Jackie]

No, I don't have, I don't have like the mental fortitude like fight you on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, that's also cuz you're a girl.

[John Feidelberg]

So are we doing the podcast right now?

[Jackie]

I don't, I don't really know.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, no, we're going.

[Kevin Clancy]

We've been going.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't know if I've been In podcast mode. Yeah. Yeah. I thought we were just here chatting.

[Kevin Clancy]

Ain't that a podcast? Is that a podcast? Did we catch the coffee stuff?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

All right, this is all going in.

[John Feidelberg]

All right, whatever. I don't care.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I mean, whatever.

[Jackie]

I feel like we all like talked about us doing coke.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like is that you guys talked about you doing coke?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, I know. I don't think it's the first time I've done cocaine before. I'm cool. I've done it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I have. I, I just. Not out of any. I don't, I don't have the interest in it.

[Jackie]

I mean I. On my hands. The times that I've done it, the.

[Kevin Clancy]

App, like what I think is the appeal for people is the exact opposite of like you can stay out later, you can keep going. Like I, I want to check out.

[John Feidelberg]

But like in your 20s.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, but even then I, I guess, you know, maybe, maybe I should have gave it a whirl. It would have been fun. But I usually was like when my. I also just drank. Like I would drink until I stopped, until I went to sleep. Like, you know what I mean? Like I never really. We be up till at the bars at 4am I'm still drinking.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, no, I find out you go to sleep at 8am that's what I mean.

[Kevin Clancy]

See, I have no, no interest in 4 to 8. Like, you know when people say there's no. No, nothing good happens after 2am that's not true. Some fun can happen 2 to 4. Nothing good happens from 4 to 8.

[John Feidelberg]

No. I don't know, man. I got some fun stories.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, okay, how about this? Nothing good that occurs from 4 to 8 can't be done from 2 to 4.

[John Feidelberg]

But it didn't happen. So we got to extend the game, right? It's like fouls. But that's what I've been. Crazy's happened.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, no, no.

[John Feidelberg]

Keep the game though.

[Kevin Clancy]

Extend the game. This is my point though. My point is that, is that you're, you're, you're gonna go have like a 15 hour night because like if you know the night's ending at 2 or 4, you get that done. If you know you have four extra hours of coke hours like you'll, you won't do those things until 4:00am Nah, it's one of those things like they just develop naturally.

[John Feidelberg]

Like. Yeah, because it's the same thing. It's like after midnight. Like why didn't you do it from. Cuz these are the witching hours and.

[Kevin Clancy]

That'S the only thing I will say is I. I've never had, like, true degen moments like that where you're like, it's you and a couple strangers. You know, the weird. The weird people you end up with.

[John Feidelberg]

Sun's coming up through the window.

[Kevin Clancy]

Call him now.

[John Feidelberg]

It's the day he's bringing his kids to school. He'll come by after. Wait. Yeah, I don't.

[Jackie]

I think I have to stay down to like 6 max, but now you're making me feel like FOMO for that.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, you should have. No, you should have fomo. If you have it in three day vendors, you should have fomo.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, but did you see. Oh, who's the comedian's name?

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I wish I could remember so I could give him credit. He's a British guy. I think he was talking to Daniel Sloss, one of the. You know, there's that British crew guys.

[John Feidelberg]

Scottish.

[Kevin Clancy]

Scottish. Yeah. And he was just like, the three day bender is the key to life. Have you seen that?

[John Feidelberg]

I've seen that, yes. Ah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, they put the piano in the background and he's like, you know, day one, you wake up, you're hungover, and like, you, you know, you power through, you rally the troops. And like, day two is like when the real all Stars come out. And like, by day three, like, you've.

[Bert Kreischer]

Earned it, you've done.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, it was just so poetic.

[John Feidelberg]

I was like, I, like, I like, never really miss drinking, like, hard.

[Kevin Clancy]

And did that make you miss it?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, that, like, only. Only one you're talking about, like, with, like, if you're like, dude, the chicks are out. No, I don't give a if you're. But if you're talking like, the boys hunkering down, getting in a foxhole on the weekend. Yeah, I miss that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Me too. That was the only time I really, really don't miss partying. I. I just. It's not. Not like I can still do most of the stuff that I. It's not that, like, the partying I still do is the stuff I want to do. I'll go out, we have some drinks, we hang out, we have some laughs, and then I go home. I'm good. I don't need to. Anybody need to party all night long, but that. The one thing that I do miss is that I remember.

[Jackie]

Like.

[Kevin Clancy]

What, the rod? No, no, not the refusal to accept them. Yeah, yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, we're fighting the rot, dude. Like, how do we keep the rod away? Let's get some beers, let's get a bag, let's go hair the dog.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes, yes. I remember like Hoboken St. Patrick's Day was always like the big, the big day and, and we would start at like 6 in the morning. And I remember like, or maybe we would wake up at six and so you know, waiting for the party to start at like eight and we're all up and like one of my buddies was cooking up breakfast sandwiches at like 6am like we're, you know, we're, we're cooking rations to go to war.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, like have you eaten? Have you eaten? Like here, take this. Like, like a mother, like helping everyone out. Like get your armor on, get ready.

[John Feidelberg]

Get your belly full.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cuz we're going to war.

[Jackie]

I do like fueling like I'm like about to run a marathon. Like I get my electrolytes and I get my carbs.

[John Feidelberg]

It feels, it's like walk like gladiators walking out of the tunnel.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes, we, and, and like remember in Amsterdam, we were just talking about this recently. Bert, Bert's on the show today and he texted us a picture out of nowhere of, of the Amsterdam trip. There's a picture of all of us out on the street at like 1am of the whole gang. And it was, it was right after the comedian Mark Smalls like reemerged. He, he had too much mushrooms and smoked too much earlier in the day and was down for the count. Probably went, probably went home at like 1pm Right. Like he was like afternoon.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, he was account.

[Kevin Clancy]

We were like, all right, like Mark's, Mark's done for like the trip. And we, we stumble out of like the sex show or whatever it was. And then he just sidled back up like into the crowd, crowd of us. Like we were kind of all walking on the street and he just like reappeared and was in the group and it was like, wait, Mark's back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Mark's back.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it was like this eruption of like he's alive and he's here and.

[John Feidelberg]

He'S ready to party again.

[Kevin Clancy]

That sort sort of stuff is. And you can only get that by being like an idiot drunk. You know, you can't replicate that in any other way. I can go out and share some laughs and, and be sober, whatever, but like that you can't get.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, no, I can't get that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Iwa it.

[John Feidelberg]

The, the. The. Our veterans listening might disagree, but like it is like, like we went to war. How did we survive?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, like literally had we like, this guy's injured. This guy should have got arrested. This guy's lost. This guy. You know, he showed up with no shoes. Like, whatever it is, like we survived.

[John Feidelberg]

A weird, like, how the did we live?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

You want to do it again? I was wondering, like, I. I know this is kind of over exaggerated because people still do drink, but those stats about like the younger generation not drinking are, are crazy, right? It's like down 70% or what, whatever. And my kids are so young, so I. Who knows what my kids will be like.

[John Feidelberg]

But also that those that I'm sure. Right? Like everything with polls and stats, I'm always like, we asked a thousand people.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes, that's a lot of people also.

[John Feidelberg]

But like I walk around the West Village. East Village, they're drinking. Yeah, everyone's drinking. Every bar is.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I wonder if there's gonna be like teenage drinking as much.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't think there's underage drinking.

[Kevin Clancy]

That. Yeah, that's, that's what I'm wondering.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, also somebody said it the other day, was it on the page pod. I think it was here that those stats are including underage kids. Well, yeah, you know, they're the young generation. So it's like, I mean, I guess if they're comparing apples to apples, like when we were that age versus their, that stage.

[John Feidelberg]

But they weren't running these studies back when we were that age.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[John Feidelberg]

Or at least no one was asking me. I'm sure no one was asking my parents.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right out of the thousand people asked. They weren't in my town because all.

[John Feidelberg]

Thousand would have been like, yep.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I just like, I mean, I guess this is a silly thought because they're 8 and 9, so who fucking knows? But I could see both of them growing up to be like, like, we're not breaking the rules. We don't do that. Yeah, I mean, maybe they will be, you know what I mean?

[John Feidelberg]

But I, I remember it's actually funny, this is all coming up because I was talking to my mom this weekend and my cousin had gone. She'd gone like her first official college visit or whatever. And I was like just talking about, about my aunt and uncle. And I was like, do you think they're. Do you think that they think like she went and had some pizza in the library? Or like, do you think like they think she went to party? And my mom was like, they probably. No. And we got, and we just got into a larger discussion about like my childhood. And I was talking about, like I said the first time I got caught having a party. And I was like, why were you guys so surprised? Like they were like, I was like, I just remember getting yelled at by you and being like, why are they surprised by this? This? It's all anyone in my family talks about. Like, not, not this is all we do is all. Well, all is an exaggeration obviously.

[Kevin Clancy]

But like our families are kind of similar in that it's like, like all.

[John Feidelberg]

Of the best, all the fun stories.

[Kevin Clancy]

Are about party and drink, high school.

[John Feidelberg]

Partying and stuff like that. I was like, I was like, yeah, like, and not because my, you know, all my siblings got caught having parties. And I was like, yeah, we all wanted some of that in our lives.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean even down to like the Irish wakes and the wedding. Like, even the family events. Like you guys are all getting fucked up.

[John Feidelberg]

If you wanted to be mad, sure, be mad that I lied and all that stuff. But why the fuck are you surprised by this?

[Jackie]

Was it the drinking that they're mad at or you threw a party in their mind?

[John Feidelberg]

That's a great question. That's what she specified that I was supposed to be staying in my grandfather's house. It was because I went to a different high school. I didn't have February vacation and my whole family took February vacation and they went up to Canada, they went skiing or whatever and oh, Polly, that's on you.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, what do you expect? Just go sit with his grandmother, grandfather.

[John Feidelberg]

I, I was, I was having a multi day party at my house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

But was going home to my grandfather's after school and like I was just letting people live in the house. Like, I was just like, you guys can stay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Like the only reason I got caught is my aunt showed up and my friends were just there playing video games. My aunt like went to check the mail and she's like, why are you guys here playing video? Because they were all on spring, all on February vacation. So they didn't have school squatters at like. And I would go to class. It was like college. I would go to class. I'll see you in a minute. I come back party.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's another thing I missed is the like, like I'm going to class and I'll be back. Like, you guys are drinking. I gotta go do this thing for like one hour.

[John Feidelberg]

Do not let this stop while I'm gone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[Kevin Clancy]

And like, and like when I come back, I'll catch up. You know what I mean? Like rip like three shots and I'm right back in there. And that, that right around now, it's still a little bit early, but like right around now is like that first three day when it's like 60 degrees and everyone just goes outside and drinks. Those moments, you can't really.

[Jackie]

I remember one time I had like a. It was a one hour class and I called my friends like after be like, hey, where are you guys at? And three of them were in the hospital. I was like, one hour class. And that was the time, I think I've said this, where the like stove was on. Like. So I came back to the apartment and like it smelled completely like gas. And so I was like, what the happened? And like we had. Everyone had pregamed there and so then three of them ended up in the hospital. But turns out that it thins your blood when the gas is on, so it set everyone into hyper. So then we'd always be like, like before, like a pregame. We'd be like, shoot too.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yo, I'm broke.

[John Feidelberg]

All we got is we got like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Half a handle left.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, we're getting lit tonight, boys. Turn the stove.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is great. There's a little trick for you.

[John Feidelberg]

If you give yourself carbon monoxide poisoning. Yeah, you get up pretty quick.

[Jackie]

We'd have like serious conversations being like, if we do it right, like if we have the right amount of gas, we will have the perfect drunk for almost no. God.

[John Feidelberg]

Just like huffing propane or whatever it is.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's hilarious.

[John Feidelberg]

That's very funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, I miss it.

[Jackie]

Did you guys ever sneak out of your house? I never did that. Like, I wish I did that.

[John Feidelberg]

I was very much like. Like again because of a weird high school situation. Like, yeah, you would kind of live.

[Kevin Clancy]

It on your own.

[John Feidelberg]

It would be like if I went to a party. I was gone for the weekend, so I like. Like it wasn't like a lot of like sneaking out for a few hours, coming back. So like we were also just like allowed.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know what my parents were doing. We were just like at a bar on a Monday night in high school? Yeah, like, what did they think I was doing?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, a bar on a Monday night.

[Kevin Clancy]

Night is $10 all you can drink. It's the best. It was summertime, so like that kind of counts. But like, what do you think I was doing, dude? Just like hanging out at someone's house, I guess. I guess that's what I said.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't even really.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even think I had the lie. I think I just like went and came and went as I wanted. I was like, I even have parents. Do I have a family? Am I an orphan?

[John Feidelberg]

What's going on right Now I remember like. Like that, Matt. Like, so what'd you do last night? Like, again, I'd be gone for the week, weekend. So I call them, like, driving home on Sunday, and they're like, what'd you do last night? And it would almost. It would be like one of those, like, watched a movie.

[Kevin Clancy]

Are you gonna buy that?

[John Feidelberg]

And then there would be, like, a pause, like, okay, what's up this week?

[Kevin Clancy]

This is what I don't get is like. Like, your parents knew that this cousin went to visit schools, and. And Polly and your dad are sitting there going, oh, yeah. Like, she partied all weekend, right? So, like, you know that about other kids, but then when it's your kids, you.

[John Feidelberg]

You like, and don't you want your kids to like. I don't know. I got. Again, I. I like. I think about it a lot, like, getting older. I'm like, if I had kids, like, I would want them to be popular and be invited to parties and go to parties and do cool parties, you know? Like, you tell them, like, be safe and all that good. But, like, yeah, if you're not getting invited parties, then we have to have a talk. Talk, you know?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

I. I really, like. I just know I'm gonna have weird kids. I just have, like, a bad feeling. And I'm already kind of like, guys, you're bumming me out.

[Kevin Clancy]

Jackie's non. Existent. Boring kids are dragging her down.

[Jackie]

Just do coke. Like, I don't do coke, but, like, do they say, not as I do.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know the exact opposite of do as. I know the polar opposite.

[John Feidelberg]

People always remember that phone call with my mom when she was talking. We were talking about drugs or something, and it was like, I honestly forget what we were talking about. But she was like. She said something. Like, she listed three drugs. It was heroin, something, and coke. Oh, wow. And then. And she. And then she was like. It was like, bad drugs or hard drugs or whatever. And then she was like, I don't even know what they're like, like heroin or meth or anything. I was like, coke noticeably absent from that last. She's like, all right, move on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Pretend I never said that I woke up this.

[Jackie]

Or, like, on Saturday morning. And, like, I had, first of all, just, like, a slew of random numbers. Like, I don't know. I was looking real good or something, but one of them was just crack pipe girl. And then he sends an address, and I was like. And I was so hungover, and I was like, did I do crack last night? Like for a second, but. And then, and then another one just says bathroom. Riz, I don't know what that means.

[John Feidelberg]

You attaching these to people like Jackie is crack.

[Kevin Clancy]

And in the bathroom, that makes it.

[Jackie]

Sound like I, I, I eventually remembered all of them and they all had very PG PC backings to them. But there was a moment of panic. Like, seriously, I was like, did I suck some guy stick in the bathroom? Did I do crack?

[Kevin Clancy]

Was it the same? I do both of those at the same time. Did you hear the story about that teacher who had the gang bang with her students? Bonkers, dude. She had middle school students, brought them over, gave them mushrooms, and then had an orgy where she made them wear the mask from Scream.

[John Feidelberg]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[John Feidelberg]

You ever think just how lucky you are to not have like perverse desires like that? Like I want to a couple 12 year olds in a screen mask if, like, what's your thing? My thing is 11 year olds in a screen.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, that was the thing, dude. Yo. And I know, bro, what she, she gave them all peanut butter sandwiches and like drugged them with the mushrooms and then them all. And I know when it's, I gotta.

[John Feidelberg]

Give her, they might. Peanut butter sandwich is how you eat mushrooms. So she was delivering it properly.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she was doing it to 13 year olds.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, well, look, I didn't say the whole thing was right.

[Bert Kreischer]

I said that part was right.

[John Feidelberg]

Right. The peanut butter sandwiches was weird at first and I was like, oh yeah, that's right. Mushrooms.

[Kevin Clancy]

She, she a lot, you know, everyone kind of makes fun, makes jokes when it's a female teacher and boys, you know, and I get that. I'm not gonna be like a loser over it. Downer. But like it was kind of crazy and people, like certain people in my comments were like, lucky and like, which is fine, whatever. But then there were people, like, how old were they? Like, they left that out. Like that's a key piece of evidence. Like, were they like high? Like, were they, you know, 18? Were they seniors and was like they were in middle school. There's your answer. Like 11 to 13. How about now?

[John Feidelberg]

Bro, if I was, if my teacher in middle school was banging me, I would have to fake come so much. You know what I mean? Like, I hadn't hit puberty yet. So like, you're a little boy. I've fake cummed at as an adult. I would have had to fake come as a child. But like, ah, I'm done.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even know if I would know how to fake come at that point I wouldn't.

[John Feidelberg]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just be like, is this, is this, is this, Am I doing it right? Is it over now? I think I finished. Is it over? I'm about tired now. I think I'm good. Sickening. And then the husband, God, the husband went to the kids and said, if you guys say anything, I will slaughter you.

[Jackie]

This might be like as bad as it gets.

[Kevin Clancy]

Totally.

[John Feidelberg]

He was in on it.

[Kevin Clancy]

He was not doing anything, but he was like, don't go public with this. And then she, when she got caught, her reasoning was she said, If I was 150 pounds or heavier, I wouldn't have done it. So basically she was like, I'm not fat anymore. So I'm. These kids.

[John Feidelberg]

If I was an ugly broad, I wouldn't. These children.

[Kevin Clancy]

One of the most insane stories of all time, dude.

[John Feidelberg]

That's the husband too, like, defending it, being like, like, if I lose the $40,000 a year my middle school teacher takes, I'm out of house and home. So you better shut your mouth. I got sugar mama over here.

[Kevin Clancy]

She provides the mushrooms, the peanut butter and the masks. Think I can afford that on my own. She's. That woman is like a absolute.

[Jackie]

I'm not really following her logic. So if she was.

[Kevin Clancy]

Let me. It might have been.

[John Feidelberg]

It might have been a pedophile. So there's not going to be a ton of logic.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's not too much there.

[John Feidelberg]

The mushroom logic is good to mushroom.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was like, If I was £150 or more, I, I would, you know. Indiana. Yeah. So she was 31 and it was like, Let me find the exact quote. She blamed it on her 150lb weight.

[Jackie]

Loss being like a modest.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think so.

[John Feidelberg]

So we got to find kids, you know, everyone, once they go through a weight loss transformation.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I respect her trying to make it empowering.

[Kevin Clancy]

Not quite yet. She had like a stripper pole and sex toys at the house. Yeah. She said she told police she regretted shedding 150 pounds in weight, saying she would have act differently if she was still heavier. Listen, I, you know, I'm not fat anymore. I can't be held responsible. At least there's a defense. I don't know.

[John Feidelberg]

She regrets losing the weight.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Not, not the kids.

[John Feidelberg]

If only I didn't get that George.

[Kevin Clancy]

Foreman grill rip to a legend, man. You know, he was making $8 million. What was it? $8 million a month at its peak.

[John Feidelberg]

Really? Yeah, I was, I was a George Foreman guy, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think everybody, like everybody in our.

[John Feidelberg]

Generation Was I was whipping up burgers on the George Foreman dogs.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was cooking cheese it. Double cheese.

[John Feidelberg]

I would put the cold and I'd make a mess.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was gonna say, you put the cheese on the grill, you'd be furious.

[John Feidelberg]

I'd put it on with the patty, like raw. And I cook and then I would lift it up and it would be cheese everywhere. Yeah, and throw another slice on, cook some more.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is how like a retarded kid would use a George Foreman grill.

[John Feidelberg]

And then I would just stab it with, you know, the thing that had like the prongs so you could clean it. And I was just like, jaw away at it, cuz. The cheese would harden while I ate my sandwich.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, it's grilled cheese.

[John Feidelberg]

Just come home every day and be like, what are you doing? Relax, it's better this way. It's healthy, it's healthy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Do you, do you know what that is, George? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that made it. Do you know who that is? Yeah, I mean, that's a little, that's not crazy. It was from like the 90s. They're still kicking chicken. Good for him.

[John Feidelberg]

The office.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, the office burns his foot. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Oh, I mean, he, he, you know, he was a two time heavyweight champion. Fought Muhammad Ali, fought Joe Frazier, all that. He's the girl guy. Like George, The George Foreman Grill is his jam.

[Jackie]

Oh, that's not how I pictured him looking.

[Kevin Clancy]

He, he sold the rights. Like he finally, he was like, he had like a revenue deal. He was getting 40 of every grill sold at his peak. And then he just sold, just sold like, you can use my name and all that for 200. 200 million?

[John Feidelberg]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like 180, something like that. You just, boom, give me a lump sum.

[Jackie]

So he's still alive?

[Kevin Clancy]

No, he just died like last week.

[Jackie]

Oh, damn it.

[Kevin Clancy]

And fun little fact. He has, I think, 12 kids, five sons named George, George, and then one daughter, Georgina. Yeah, someone ordered her name, Georgina. But he, like, it's George the First, George Second, George iii, George iv. They're not in different generations. I mean, I guess they still are. First, second, third, fourth. But like they're just all.

[John Feidelberg]

How do you think he calls out his kids in the house?

[Bert Kreischer]

They're all.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because they all also have the same middle name. It's like George Michael Foreman the first, George Michael Foreman the second, second. So I don't know what he does, honestly.

[Jackie]

Making his.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's got to call him like 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 Junior third huh.

[John Feidelberg]

Junior probably is the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. So there's probably like George Junior Trip Quattro, like G3.

[John Feidelberg]

Wait, is that what Trip is short for?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, the third triplet.

[John Feidelberg]

Never knew.

[Kevin Clancy]

Not triple.

[John Feidelberg]

I just thought Trip was a name.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, no, I, I have a buddy who's having a son. Had a son. Son. And he's the fourth, and I'm gonna call him Quattro.

[John Feidelberg]

That's awesome.

[Kevin Clancy]

He, this. We've called him VJC3 his whole life and his dad's VJC2, and he found out he was having a boy or need to find out he's having a boy till he was born. But I was like, if it's a boy. And he was like, I don't really know. I was like, get the out of here.

[John Feidelberg]

He's the guy.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're gonna Starbucks the bloodline now. Like, when you, when you have a chance to take it to four, it's over.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You could maybe break it at. If you're a Junior, you don't want to go 3. 3. Once it's 4, it's going, it's going to 30. If that guy keeps having boys. If that, it's going to go to, you know, VJC40.

[John Feidelberg]

It's this, it's the Starbucks line. It's like, I'm not gonna pay for that versa behind me. Right. You know. Stop it now.

[Kevin Clancy]

Come on.

[John Feidelberg]

Would have gone for a week. National news, dude.

[Jackie]

Wait, I forgot. Are you a second third?

[John Feidelberg]

I am not. No different middle name.

[Jackie]

Oh, so it has to be.

[John Feidelberg]

Well, yeah, I've never been. I, I don't, I know someone called me Junior.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would like.

[John Feidelberg]

Don't you dare. But I've never been called it or anything like that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I guess it does have to be the full, full name to be the unofficial. Junior, third, all that.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Junior I do find demeaning.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I wouldn't go as far to be one of those guys. Have you ever seen the people who call themselves the second instead of Junior?

[John Feidelberg]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's people who put like two.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I just never say it out. I, I, honestly, I, Once I get to your name, I don't read the last name. I don't care if you're a doctor, a dentist, the third, whatever. What's your name?

[Kevin Clancy]

But I, I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind being like Kevin Junior. I wouldn't like somebody calling me just, just Junior. Unless I'm like Ken Griffey.

[John Feidelberg]

See, that I think that I don't. Because of that. I Don't think I have a negative connotation of it, because my first injection was Ken Griffin Jr. And everyone called him Junior. Well, he's the man, so can't be anything wrong with that name.

[Kevin Clancy]

I know a guy who calls his son Junior, and. And he's not a Junior. He just has a different name. But he calls his son Junior. Like, guess what? That's going to confuse the out of me. Your kid included. He's not going to understand what the Is going on. He's. I think he treats it like, you know, sport, like, little guy Junior. It's like, that's not how this. No, that's just a. That's a demeaning.

[Jackie]

I've always wanted to name my son Jax, but, like, I can't do that because, like, it's just weird to name.

[Kevin Clancy]

You could name him, like, Jackson and then call him. Jacks are short.

[Jackie]

But I don't want Jackson's. Sorry, it's Jackson's. Billy, there's a big difference between Jackson Jackson.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you seen the MD Foodie Boys these days?

[John Feidelberg]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're feeling themselves. Baby Chub Perton put up a 2020 scroll carousel of just, like, life, you know, and it had, like, some, like, ASAP Ferg song. And, like, he's got his big baggy jeans on. They're kind of like, you know, they're probably about to, like, hit high school. Like, even just in the time that they've been famous, they look a little less like chubby little kids.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, you know, boys. You know, I'm like, they were like, oh, my God. Chub Perm with those, like, purple cheetah print. Jenkos, my man is. There's another guy at the school now called Slim Perm. There's Chub Perm and Slim Perm, and they're, like, eating at the cafeteria. Like, yo, how's that? Blah, blah, blah, Slim Perm. And they're, like, acting all cocky, and I was like, these kids are either gonna be awesome or insufferable.

[John Feidelberg]

I think I know which one.

[Kevin Clancy]

But, yeah, they're not. I mean, can you imagine, like, if you're, like, in eighth grade, whatever they are, and you have, like, anything that makes you a little bit popular, you're, like, the man.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

These guys, what are they supposed to do? Like, fighting them off with a stick?

[Jackie]

Unfortunately, I think that middle school peaking in middle school gives you a bad.

[Kevin Clancy]

Had rest of your life.

[Jackie]

Well, just a lot of kids who I know, at least in my middle school, who were cool then, were not.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cool in High school. Yeah. Yeah. That's usually how it goes. But they're doing it in a way kind of endearing.

[John Feidelberg]

I would disagree with that.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's like, wait, what?

[John Feidelberg]

I, I think because I was again, a different high school, but I think my middle school friends were like cool in high school.

[Jackie]

I think, I think I noticed. I was like, thank God I didn't like some guys it goes to high.

[Kevin Clancy]

School, but I'm, I think it's usually after that.

[John Feidelberg]

I think I disagree with that stereotype as a whole. I think that stereotype's crazy.

[Jackie]

What's your.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, I definitely know of it that like, I think there's also plenty examples of like, if you're the cool, popular kid, you have confidence and you like carry that through.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. Like you always see it like the guy in the varsity jacket who's like drunk at the bar. I'm sure it happens. But I think a majority of people who are cool or popular in high.

[Kevin Clancy]

School or middle school.

[John Feidelberg]

School.

[Jackie]

Oh yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Go on to. Because you have social skills and well, that's the thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know. Like, I think there's two ways that that can unfold. I think you can be the popular kid because like, I actually think really the most popular kids, despite like movie tropes and tv, you know, series and are usually like the nice kids.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And so you do have like personal skills. You're like the class president or something. You like, do you do activities? So you're like, like do have social skills.

[John Feidelberg]

Right.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think if you're just like, I'm the man, cuz I'm the quarterback and you don't ever develop any of those things. Then when you're not like, then you go to college and you're not the man, or you grow up and you're like, I, I just, I'm used to people liking me.

[John Feidelberg]

I, I, those are the people who.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think become the bums. But those are not as prevalent as I think you would think because even like the quarterback is like probably good at school and all these other things. It's very, I think it's pretty rare to have like the one trick pony.

[Jackie]

I, I was gonna say, I totally agree with that too. I think like that the only time I see it not be the case is middle school to high school. But then I think like, if you're cool in high school, then like that confidence carries on with you for that's.

[Kevin Clancy]

Why it's such a, like, like even with Keegan now, I'm like I'm like, like, we're playing sports, you know? And I remember like, when I was playing sports, I was always kind of the kid who was like, do what the coach says and do the right thing and like, make the extra pass and hustle. And I'm like, I'm chucking up there, bro. It. Yeah, like, but see that guy?

[John Feidelberg]

I would disagree with that. I would say if I, like thinking back, for me, I would always be like, do whatever, but understand how that affects the game. Like, I've been thinking about that, watching like sports lately where it's just like, oh, winning that 5050 battle was massive. Right? Like, getting that rebound was.

[Kevin Clancy]

But here's my point is, like, what you're saying is true and that's why I used to do those things. But at the end of the day, I peaked at like Division 9 basketball in high school 2 and 18, you.

[John Feidelberg]

Know what I mean?

[Kevin Clancy]

And like, so who cares? And had, I had more fun and had a couple more highlights and, you know, a 30 point game and like, these things I would remember, like, I think that would affect me now more so than like, I won that 5050 battle of these in this league. That didn't matter. You know what I mean?

[John Feidelberg]

Kind of. I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

I. I like when, when you accept the fact that nobody's like, going to college to play. No one's going pro.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. Then did you think you were going pro? No, no, dude, I was. Pot. Yeah. I was positive, like one month before college, I played college.

[Kevin Clancy]

College basketball.

[John Feidelberg]

I was like, dude, I probably will spend like six months there. Transferred to a Division 1 school, probably gonna grow 2 to 3 inches in, in college.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just started dying. It was like, you're, you're, you're probably 75 of the way closer than the rest of the world, even just playing whatever college you played in. So, like, at least there's a shred of possibility there. But you guys are idiots.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, so incredibly stupid. Stupid.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

But there wasn't. Like, I was probably like 17 when I was like, this might not work out.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, I never, I never even. I was 18, I don't think. I don't think I even had it when I was like seven. The most, like, the most probably silly I ever was at sports was I had jump souls. I had those shoes where you walk on your toes. Yeah. To try to like jump high because I wanted to dunk. And I guess, I guess looking back, my goal was just to try to dunk, which I think is an admirable admirable. Goal. Like, but I never was. Like, I'm like working out and training so I can be like, look at your parents. Like, look at what? No, it's not happening.

[John Feidelberg]

But wait, first of all, it was hockey. So the last sport for the middle sized white boy.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is true. You had a shot. You had.

[John Feidelberg]

And I just remember like, like we were playing kids who had gotten drafted and stuff like that. And I was like, he's all right. He's like, look, I. I can make a jump this summer. Yeah, he's better. He's better than me right now. He's a senior. I got a. Another year down here.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, you know, these kids are getting recruited like five years ago and you're like, no, no, they're gonna, the offers are gonna rolling in soon.

[John Feidelberg]

It is, it is. Obviously the belief was born of complete delusion and no understanding of how the system works. But I was like, I was like.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'll figure it out.

[Jackie]

No, but that's the thing is like kids sports is taken more serious seriously than like anything ever. And you're so consumed by it at the time that you're like, bro, if.

[Kevin Clancy]

You think it was now, is it now?

[Jackie]

Oh, my mom would like to tell you that she thinks that Shea is the best dancer in the world. And she's so proud of Shay.

[Kevin Clancy]

Might legitimately be like a real dancer. The only thing that's going to hurt her and it's like already hurting her. She's awesome gymnast, but she's just going to be tall. I'm six foot. Her mom's like five'eight like she's already kind of like tall and skinny. You're.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, she's probably like the same size as someone biles already.

[Jackie]

Don't tell me that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, she's got to drop something. And I think I'm going to make it be gymnastics. Cuz gymnastics is also weird. But I don't like gymnastics.

[Jackie]

If you think of Pav's logic, it's going to make her shorter.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Morons. Dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

By the way, she's been dancing since she was like zero.

[John Feidelberg]

So yeah, like she can dance the. No, I thought we were changing subject. So I don't have it, by the way.

[Kevin Clancy]

Hey, Casey radio listeners. We all know what time of year it is. The wait is over and the madness is here. We've got non stop college hoops to look forward to and nothing pairs better with March than Evan Williams. Bourbon tonight. What do we got now? We don't have anything tonight, right? No Wednesday night Games start Thursday.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Next Thursday we'll ramp it back up again. And when it's another weekend of sitting in front of the TV all. All night, all day, you got to have a Evan Williams gameday pour in your hand. It's bourbon. Done right? Extra aged, always smooth with flavors of oak, honey and vanilla. No better way to upset. To celebrate a big upset or a last second buzzer beater. I think there was only like one buzzer beater, right?

[John Feidelberg]

I think Maryland. Maryland.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that was a travel, by the way.

[John Feidelberg]

That was a travel.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was a travel. On college. Get the gather step in the NBA, but not a college. Make Evan Williams part of your game day from the first tip to the championship celebration. Visit Evan Williams.com to find a bottle near you. Evan Williams, Kentucky Straight bourbon whiskey, Bardstown, Kentucky 43 to 45% because I have one more thing. Did you see like a week or two ago hubs girlfriend, that.

[John Feidelberg]

That was my.

[Kevin Clancy]

By the way, was too.

[John Feidelberg]

Okay, that was what?

[Kevin Clancy]

Bro, this is one of my favorite things ever.

[John Feidelberg]

It's. Oh, Jackie knows that. Jackie believes it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, so I'm stumbling upon this as well.

[John Feidelberg]

I had never heard of it. What I was saying the other day, what is crazy to me is it's not. It's not so prevalent anymore. It's not really like the marching cry. But like, there was a while, I feel like when I was younger where it was like, women can do anything men can do. Like, we are the same same. And you guys said that, believing that our entire sex can slam dunk. Yeah, that's crazy to me because, like, when I hear someone can dunk, I'm like, oh, that's an alien. That's a freak.

[Kevin Clancy]

That person's nothing like this athlete in the world.

[John Feidelberg]

You thought an entire sex could dunk.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then you thought that you could do that too.

[Jackie]

But I thought because I was saying, like, I remember the moment that I learned that all men can dunk. And I was so disappointed. It was like in college. I remember like, one of my guy friends said something and I was like.

[Bert Kreischer]

And.

[Jackie]

And I had been like being ghosted by a guy at the same time.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was just like, can't even dunk.

[Jackie]

They are just constantly disappointing me. Like, oh my God, I was so pissed for some reason. Like, but I didn't think that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, wait, let me. Let me. Let me explain this because I don't think we have. So Hubs was texting with his. Wait, what was it exactly? Hubs was texting with his girlfriend. Can you pull up the tweet because I don't remember the exact circumstances of it and it's very funny. So basically she asked my fiance, just asked me with a straight face when was the first time I dunked. Just assume throughout our entire relationship I've been dunking. Was stunned beyond belief when I said, none of my friend group can do it. Wonder how fast she thinks I could throw a baseball. She said, quote, you play so much basketball, I just assumed you could dunk. I'm getting sadder by the minute here. He explained there because Hubs is not a tall guy either. He goes, if I could dunk, that would mean I have a 50 1/2 inch vertical. Like you thought that I could jump 50 inches? She was like, yeah, I just guess so. And then, so every girl kind of seems to be like, yeah, I just, I was talking to a girl and I, I read this out loud. I was cackling and I was like, this is hilarious. I read it. She laughs. She's having a, like we're laughing about it. And then she's like, but when did you dunk? I was like.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'S what I said. So why are you laughing?

[Kevin Clancy]

She goes, well, you're taller than him. I was like, by a couple inches. Like, it's not like. What do you mean?

[Jackie]

Shut the up.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well played. I forgot dunk.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, he's got multiple.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's got multiple.

[John Feidelberg]

Staring down the camera. The hub's tweet like led to a big argument out of all of my friends. Cuz I haven't dunked since sophomore year of college.

[Kevin Clancy]

If I would, you know what he's doing.

[John Feidelberg]

So I'm training to dunk again.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's got. Oh, day one was today. Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

What's up?

[Kevin Clancy]

You have a year to do it.

[John Feidelberg]

I have until July 2nd.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, you better get on your grind. Like, like, can you.

[John Feidelberg]

I'm touching rim.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's okay. Okay. It's a bit. There's always a big difference though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cuz I remember I at my peak I could like nick the rim and the thought of having to hold a ball and get it up over it is like another six inches. It's not like you're right there. You know that honestly is half the battle is like the ball, like being able to palm the ball and like all that.

[Jackie]

Like even to this day, I kind of feel like you guys just aren't really trying hard. I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

Know.

[Jackie]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

And what about you?

[John Feidelberg]

I think there's.

[Jackie]

To answer your question. Sorry, I, I Also thought, like, I probably could dunk if I tried, but I just. Like, you guys play more basketball than us, so, like, you guys should all be able to.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, this is why it's like, the perfect. Like, it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're still. Despite the fact that I think we've laid it out there, you're still not understanding how much of an achievement this is. I'm trying to think of something that was, like, really, like, it would be the equ. It's almost the same thing as being like, you can climb a mountain. Like, they have an equal chance of those two things happening. It's zero.

[Jackie]

I know, but it's like recency bias, what we were talking about. Like, I had assumed that everyone could dunk, and now that you guys can't dunk, it really takes away from.

[Bert Kreischer]

From the middle.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you ever seen a regular person.

[Jackie]

I know what a dunk is.

[Kevin Clancy]

Have you seen a regular person ever dunk?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, why?

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like. Like, they just. I guess. Yeah, I guess. But, like, it's not like you see it all the time.

[Jackie]

It doesn't look.

[Kevin Clancy]

Let me see the NBA. But, like, you're not.

[John Feidelberg]

But I guess, like, with the amount of basketball you watch, you're not watching, like, men's league. You're like, I don't know. Everyone who plays basketball dunks. You guys play basketball? Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, it's. But it's not like, you know, scoring a goal or crossing the, like, the end zone. Like, crossing the goal line.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

This feat that I would have assumed.

[John Feidelberg]

You guys figured it out in, like, at least high school. Like, you took gym, right? And you should be like, well, these guys aren't athletic. That's what I mean.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, yeah, but, like, seen regular people.

[Jackie]

Well, I was just like. I was just like, they're not. They're just not. Duncan right now.

[John Feidelberg]

In the mood to dunk. They're in the mood to unathletically run in a circle instead of slam dunking basketball.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's another thing you guys are not understanding. If I could dunk, it's all I would do. I would live in a gym, and I would just make videos of me dunking. That's all I would do all the time.

[Jackie]

I feel like, like, men, rappers, everyone talks about dunking all the time. That it's like, well, that's misleading.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's how much of a goddamn dream it is. I guess I was trying to think of a female equivalent without being just like, an stereotypical misogynist or Like, I. I can't even.

[Jackie]

I don't even have. What? What.

[Kevin Clancy]

The only thing. And I don't even think it applies. I was. I was thinking, like, when was the first time you modeled for Victoria's Secret? That was the first time you walked the Runway in Paris. Like, wait, what?

[John Feidelberg]

You thought I was a model? Like, look at me.

[Kevin Clancy]

You thought I was a model? Like, oh, yeah. Guys are always talking about makeup in here. So I thought you were a professional model.

[John Feidelberg]

That's.

[Jackie]

Hey, that's a fair play.

[John Feidelberg]

That was. That one was fair. That was a good shot.

[Kevin Clancy]

I couldn't believe when she was laughing and then was like, but what about you? And I was like, what was the last five minutes about? I thought we just would have this funny moment right over your head.

[Jackie]

Have you ever been able to, like, kind of talk? Oh, you just said rim.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, like. Like, we would. We would lower it.

[Jackie]

I would.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think at my peak, I was dunking on, like a nine foot hoop, like on a prayer.

[John Feidelberg]

I actually think I never tried. I think I. There was a phase where I could have dunked with a small ball.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was gonna say, I remember, like, running open. Not. Definitely not in a game and just dunking. And it was probably like between 8 and a half and 9ft or something.

[John Feidelberg]

Like that in my. It was. I. I think it's just a hand. Like, I don't think I could. I don't think I can grip a ball. I don't think I have hands big. Big enough to, like, palm a basketball.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

But like, in my early 20s, I was doing a lot of box jumps. There was a phase where really. And I was. I was box jumping high.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, you know what the other thing is? It's also.

[John Feidelberg]

I would have, like three boxes on top of each other.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's crazy. But it is also about, like, dunking is also not just jumping. You know what I mean? It's like a. Like if you can just like jump, but if you need to like, run and jump off of one foot and have like a r. You know what I mean? Like, there's. There's. There's. If you can just two. Two foot jump dunk, then you can really. You really got hops.

[Jackie]

Maybe we should all individually train for something like Pavs does the dunking.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm out.

[Jackie]

I can't. I can't actually think of anything more. Well, all right. We tried.

[John Feidelberg]

This is. This is the not doing things group.

[Kevin Clancy]

January 2nd, though, is. It's gonna come up quick. It's gonna come up fast. Are you like, you should document all this working out.

[John Feidelberg]

I'm doing box jumps, I'm doing squats.

[Kevin Clancy]

Leg, leg raises, the whole thing calves right.

[John Feidelberg]

Cat.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's all cats, all that switching the cat.

[John Feidelberg]

And it's just like the number one thing is practicing the dunk.

[Kevin Clancy]

So I'm gonna go up to the.

[John Feidelberg]

Coral once it gets a little bit nicer out.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. I remember you saying you weren't impressed with the dunk contest.

[John Feidelberg]

The dunk contest? Which one?

[Kevin Clancy]

Just like in general. You're like, I'm impressed with it.

[John Feidelberg]

You said Mac McClan like, wasn't.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Probably the most impressive thing in sports.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right now is MacLung.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. I don't remember saying this. I'm guessing it was two years ago because I definitely didn't watch this year. But I. The dunk contest as a production. I am not impressed with slam dunks. I am, but like, yeah, the dunk production. The dunk contest.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, that. About that, that does suck. But like, I don't even. I don't think the vast majority of people could just jump and put a ball under their legs. Forget about dunking on a ten foot hoop. Just take a ball, jump and be in the air long enough to go under your legs. I don't think most part of a.

[Jackie]

Dunk that you have to.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, no, not like the dunk contest. They do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wow.

[Kevin Clancy]

But again, regular people cannot do these things. I mean, these like the. The guys who can really dunk are like. There are guys who now go like behind the back through the legs. Like got jumped over a club.

[Jackie]

Whoa.

[John Feidelberg]

Like that's the craziest thing going right now.

[Kevin Clancy]

Crazy.

[John Feidelberg]

But. But I will say this. If this was what my take was, it is a lot more impressive in picture than in practice. In practice you're kind of like, oh, I thought that was going to be cooler.

[Kevin Clancy]

Slow mo is where it's really at. You get the movement and it's slow enough. When it. When it just happens in fast mo, it's just like boom.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're like, oh, okay. But I mean, he's like literally Skywalker crazy, man.

[Jackie]

What do you guys think of that guy's morning routine?

[Kevin Clancy]

I'd actually. I've only seen the picture. What is he actually actual routine.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, it's insanity. It's insanity. The. You didn't see this either? I saw this. The. Just some Jack's black dude with like he starts his morning or whatever. Yeah. I honestly, I would say go do anybody's page. And it was like all I saw. What Did I think of the routine as a whole. Obviously it's performative and silly, but I did, while I was watching it, I was like. And we talked about this kid very recently. It. It's pretty. I guarantee that's Pretty's morning routine.

[Kevin Clancy]

Who?

[John Feidelberg]

Pre Gaz's buddy, Pedro.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

I was watching this the whole time. I was shout out pretty. I. I was like, I bet this is what pretty does.

[Kevin Clancy]

I love including, like brushing the teeth. It's like, yeah, man, we know, we know. That's part of your morning routine.

[Jackie]

And he's just always dunking his face in water.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is this a turn on?

[Jackie]

No, no.

[John Feidelberg]

Anyone who wears that kind of in the gym, loser, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, what the. I. I think one of the worst trends ever is the cross body.

[John Feidelberg]

Completely agree.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, dude.

[Jackie]

Agreed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Hate it. I think it's so.

[John Feidelberg]

This was the best right here. 7:36, 7:40 when he's in the pool because he floated for four minutes.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think when you go to the gym, I want to see like a Bill Belichick like, Like, you know, ripped T shirt, hoodie, like, old shorts, gold gym type, you know, like, that's what you should be wearing.

[Bert Kreischer]

The.

[Kevin Clancy]

I bet you there are people who are. Who are into this, though.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, there's thousands.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, my God. What is that? He rubbed the banana on his face.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, Chaps did that.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was gonna say chaps got a eye infection.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, I sty.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yuck.

[John Feidelberg]

The.

[Kevin Clancy]

I will say this is all impressive to have all this done by 9:00am.

[John Feidelberg]

Well, I don't think he's doing it every day. He's doing it for this.

[Jackie]

But also like, I'm sure.

[John Feidelberg]

Actually, I don't know, like, Corey G. Gets up like 4am every day. So maybe these guys do. Is he.

[Kevin Clancy]

Does he go to bed at like 4:00?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, he must. Right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, that was always the thing about like, Mark. Mark Wahlberg. It's like, cool, cool, cool. But like, you don't even stay up past Jeopardy, bro. You're. You're. You have a bedtime, dude. You're a child.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, yeah, you gotta be going to bed at 8. Because I'm sure these guys aren't getting like, they're so usually they're all about recovery.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right?

[John Feidelberg]

So you're getting your eight hours, so you must be in bed at 8:00pm Yep. That's insanity.

[Kevin Clancy]

I. I cannot even fathom what life is like to be in shape like that. I can't even wrap my head around.

[John Feidelberg]

He's a.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's just feeling Good. And being like, like, like, if anything comes up, he's just like, yeah, I could lift that. You want me to move that couch? I'll just, like, pick it up with one hand. Like, like, I always see those viral trends where it's like, like, well, even.

[John Feidelberg]

This, like, putting on all his jewelry to go to the gym, that bothers.

[Kevin Clancy]

Me, so that bothers me. I would really hope that's performing for the video. And he doesn't do that in the, in real life. But something tells me, yeah, but, like, I always feel those things where it's like, like a trend where it's like, pick your girlfriend up and, like, put her on your shoulder. Like, can't do that.

[John Feidelberg]

Just, like, clean.

[Kevin Clancy]

Lift her up and put her on. No, this guy's just like, yeah, I can do that.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's just, it's so foreign to me. I can't even fathom it. Like, even I feel like, even if I got in shape, I would not be strong. Does that make sense? Like, I might make my body look a certain way, but I bet you it would not be useful.

[John Feidelberg]

You're like vinyl siding.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Like, it looks away, but it is not.

[John Feidelberg]

It doesn't feel like what you think it's going to feel like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, man, I would love. I, I do, I, I do want to. Like, one ultimate thing on my bucket list would be to get in shape, just even for a brief period of time. Like, even if it's like, for one year, six months. It took me to, like, get trim six months took me to put on some muscle, and then, like, I only have it for six months, and then I get fat again. But, like, I did it.

[John Feidelberg]

That, I mean, that's very doable.

[Kevin Clancy]

I know, I know, I know, I know. I do. I keep saying this, but I do think I'm reaching a point of, like, boy, I, I really don't like living my life this way. It really.

[John Feidelberg]

Do you really? Like, I know we kind of, like, laugh about it a lot. Like, and it's not even just us. Like, everyone always says, like, once you're over 30, like, your back hurts and your shoulders hurt and your knees hurt. Are we, we're kidding.

[Kevin Clancy]

We're exaggerating. Have, I mean, I have a lot of issues, but I, I, I think I have that. And I've had six surgeries, so, like, you shouldn't.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, like, 30 is not.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, 30 is pretty young. What, What, What I would say it is, like, so I, I, this is why I'm Always like, I would love to, like, Freaky Friday, switch into somebody's body. Because I'm like, how much of my Is from. Like, if you jumped in my body and felt some of these things, would you be like, oh, my God, I don't ever feel like this?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or is it like, yeah, it doesn't matter that you've had surgeries is what everybody feels. You know, I. So I don't necessarily find it to be that. There's definitely, like, I can't lay certain ways on my shoulder. I can't. You know, if I fall asleep with my arm over my head, it's probably gonna get dislocated. Like, weird things like that. But the main thing I feel is, like, when I. In the very rare instances where I do work out or run or have to do something, I'm like, I. I do not have it anymore.

[John Feidelberg]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, if it was like, you need you. You have to go run like, a few miles right now. But I don't think I could do that.

[John Feidelberg]

Well, there's your problem. You don't have to go run, running. No, no, no. I'm just saying, like, you got to go run a quarter mile.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right, right, right.

[John Feidelberg]

And then run a quarter mile a few days.

[Kevin Clancy]

That I think is the main thing is, like, especially if you've ever been in shape at all or played sports at all, it's like, I was never a big workout guy, but I could go do these things. And so when you, like, go to the gym or work out, you're like, I'm just going to go do what I used to do. And it's like, no, no. You have to start at, like, an in. And I think the problem is that you start at, like, an embarrassing level. Yeah, it's like, lift up, like, two pound weights before you start lifting 20 pound weights, 40 pound weights. And you don't want to do that. You know what I mean?

[John Feidelberg]

But you do. Like, you do it. Like, I've been. I've had a million phases in my life, but, like, when I'm. There were many times, like, where I'm fat and I'm like, I gotta lose a few pounds before I get to the gym.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, I can't be going to the gym looking like this. So, like, you work out at home for a few weeks and then you're like, okay, now I'm ready for it. It's just like, yeah, you don't start building a house by, like, just building a house. You gotta, like, build a foundation first, and then you Go.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think also I was. I was either like, in. In any free time, I either was, like, working, doing with kids. Like, I was always doing so much that when I then had downtime, I wanted just downtime.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And now I've had enough downtime for a long enough period of time where I'm like, this doesn't even do it for me anymore. Like, I used to love relaxing and doing nothing. Nothing. And now doing nothing kind of gives me, like, anxiety, and I feel bad about it. So now I like, finally think, because I know myself, at least I'm not doing it until I want to do it.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, and, like, I don't have the fortitude and. And all that to be like, this sucks. I don't want to do it. I'm going to keep doing can suck, but at least I want to do it. You know what I mean? Until. Until I hit the want level, it ain't happening.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm not even gonna bother.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm waiting till I bottom out.

[Jackie]

You at the want level, though?

[Kevin Clancy]

Pretty close. I'm pretty close. I'm definitely at the level of I don't enjoy just sitting around anymore, and I still do it. And at the end of it, I'm like, this was very, like, I feel like I wasted time, did nothing, was a bum. And I'm not. You know what I mean? Like, I used to be able to just, like, eat up hours of television and be like, I'm just watching this TV show and I'm talking about, it's awesome. And now I'm kind of like, I should have been doing something. But even that, I'm still. Still trying to, like, doing nothing. I'm like, maybe today it'll change. And it's like a thousand days in a row of it not feeling good. It's probably time to make some changes. And I think I'm also at a point where, like, there. There really was. There is, like, a decade there of, like, with younger kids and where work was. I mean, at that. It was one point of work where it was like four different shows and five different interviews a week. And, you know, it was nuts.

[John Feidelberg]

It was crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it was like, I didn't have the time. I did have the time, but. But the. The little bit of free time I had, I didn't want to spend at the gym.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate it when people are like, like, no excuses. Like, you have to have that money.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean. Yeah. Yes. There are enough hours in a day I could have. I could be at the Gym late at night. I don't want it. I'm not done, you know? But yeah, maybe we'll get there one day. We'll see. It'll get easier as I get older, right?

[John Feidelberg]

For sure.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm definitely going to tell my kids, like, you have to stay in shape. Like, don't let it go. I'm gonna be like a Nazi about that. The ultimate. Do as I say, don't as I do. Yeah, I guess I'm thinking more about. I'm always so, like, unfair with it. I'm like, I don't know what to tell Shay, but I'm gonna tell Keegan. You have to keep working out.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

The other day he was like, I'm so strong. I was like, okay, sure, man. He just dropped down and started doing clap push ups.

[John Feidelberg]

I think you are pretty strong.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like you weigh like 40 pounds, but whatever, dude, keep that going, man. And we got Bert on the show. But before we get into those White Lotus was this week and I, I, I think that they were kind of, you know, the, the, the direction we were going was will the, the Ratliff dad kill himself? And I think my, the odds on favorite for, for Ratliff to end up dead is now one of the brothers, because that's beyond the point of no return. You can't, you can't come back from jerking your brother off.

[John Feidelberg]

You just can't do it.

[Jackie]

I don't watch. And every time I hear somebody talk.

[John Feidelberg]

About it, like, I actually was thinking, obviously you can't come back from it.

[Kevin Clancy]

You can't come back from it.

[John Feidelberg]

But if it did happen, I think me and my brother would have handled it. It's very different.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay. So I was, I was about, I was about to say something very stupid like, you can't come back from it. But if it happened to me, we would come back from it. Like, if this happened to me and you, I think we would stand on two feet and look each other in the eyes and be like, I was up, but we're just gonna move on.

[John Feidelberg]

I did. It was, I just, I, I jerked off the wrong dick. It was nasty.

[Kevin Clancy]

There was here and one dick there and I just mixed them up. The younger brother who's like 18, like I think just lost his virginity, maybe is riding this girl and just reaches over while the other brother and, and, and like they're blacked out and they're on drugs, they're in Thailand and he is remembering the, like the threesome basically. And in his mind he's Jerking off himself watching.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Which is weird enough. And then like, the memory start to come back and it's him reaching over, over. And, and the little brother's like, I blacked out. And then he starts meditating because they're in Thailand and he starts to remember. So now, like, their memories are coming back and it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

It.

[Kevin Clancy]

Patrick Schwarzenegger does an unbelievable job. The hangxiety, bro.

[John Feidelberg]

That scene by the pool, the way they made him look. Dude. Yeah, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

Face change.

[John Feidelberg]

That scene by the pool. I was like, I, I, I didn't really have an opinion on Patrick Schwarzenegger one way or the other. Yeah. And I. But, you know, like, kind of what comes with a big name is like, oh, he got strings pulled. He probably, you know, whatever. And then I was pretty impressed with him the whole show.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's been great.

[John Feidelberg]

And then that scene, I was like, holy. He.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's only smoked that one person who, who should have that role instead of him. And it's Francis saw that clip on Boy dad is like, yeah, that was, you know, how weird it's got to be for Frank to be. To be watching that show and have. He had a legitimate. He said out loud in a legitimate tone. Yeah. Like, as an actor, I was thinking like, that rolls for me to watch.

[John Feidelberg]

That guy be like, I would have crushed this.

[Kevin Clancy]

You gotta look in the mirror yourself.

[John Feidelberg]

I was watching it last night and like, like, particularly when, like, he's like hungover in bed and I, and like, like, it's just. The more the morning is just happening and he's kind of having some flashbacks. I was like, right there, I would be like, dude, did you fucking jerk me off?

[Kevin Clancy]

You either gotta acknowledge it, joke about it, pretend it didn't happen something, but don't let it just eat you up like this. I think now. So my prediction now, because I was, I was talking through this in my head, I was like, if two girls in Thailand knew whatever, right? You go back to your regular life, no big deal. And if your brother blacked out now, it's just, you carry that and I carry plenty of things.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can just push down. I can compartmentalize that. I will castanza that it's not a lie if you believe it sort of thing. I will just tell myself that never happened. But once your brother starts remembering and if he starts to talk and have issues with it, I, and this is so. I, I think my, My, my crazy white lotus prediction is I, I think someone's going to get poisoned by that milkshake. The, the the protein shake. He's always blending up. Smoothie, whatever it is. And I think he's gonna get extreme and kill his. His brother.

[John Feidelberg]

See, I think the opposite. I think. I think lock is the best kill Saxon. I. I don't know if he's gonna kill someone, but I. Is the chain to break that sets everything off.

[Bert Kreischer]

But.

[John Feidelberg]

So I think. I think he's evil. I think he's a bad.

[Kevin Clancy]

I could see him snapping, but I don't think he's evil.

[John Feidelberg]

I think he's.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think he's doing everything to please everybody.

[John Feidelberg]

I. But I think he. I think he's doing some sociopath. Like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, his.

[John Feidelberg]

His smirk when he said, I don't even remember last night. Yeah, that was like, that put up a red flag. And then the whole. With the sister right now is being creepy too.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I'll go with you. Or I'll stay with you and I'll do it with you.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, I think there's something.

[Kevin Clancy]

He also might just be completely traumatized by his wildly up family.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, but they all, like, before this weekend, they weren't up.

[Kevin Clancy]

Ah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was always there.

[John Feidelberg]

It just. Like, they didn't. It's not. It's coming to light now.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, it. Like, they didn't know that, like, dad's a criminal, mom's a drug addict, like. Or. I'm sure they were annoyed by their parents, but I don't think they knew to the extent.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think that Timothy Ratliff is coming around now and he's, like, kind of enlightened and, like, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, yeah, maybe living a materialistic life. Isn't that great? Look where it led me.

[John Feidelberg]

Hey, also, I gotta kill my wife now, bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

If. When he was holding it, I was like, it would be very white lotus to just like, pow, pow. Why doesn't you just stay in Thailand? Can't you just. I don't know.

[John Feidelberg]

He's definitely gonna. He's gonna learn something at the dinner party from Gary.

[Kevin Clancy]

Greg, right?

[John Feidelberg]

Just like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, dude, you're good. You're here. You were in America. You'd be.

[John Feidelberg]

You're here, you're not in America.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, you know, when people flee the country. You already fled.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, you pre fled.

[Kevin Clancy]

You did it pre fleet.

[John Feidelberg]

No, I definitely think he's staying there. But I. I think Lachlan, you know who he reminds me of? The Ice Truck Killer.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, he looks like it.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

See that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Almost too goody two shoes.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

He was like, just his look and like, his like, creepiness. I don't know. Obviously I could be wrong, but I, I, I got eyes on lachlan.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's about 10 shows out out right now. Worth talking about that we'll do maybe next episode episode. Because I don't want to run too long, but I do want to say the, the dick riding of adolescence is driving me crazy.

[John Feidelberg]

Really, it's driving me crazy. I still haven't seen it.

[Kevin Clancy]

People are like, this is the greatest piece of television the last 20 years. And it is not. It is not really. It is not. It's very cool. The concept is four episodes. Every episode is one single shot. There's no cuts, there's no edits. They filmed every episode 10 times and they just picked the best one. So a lot of it is improv and like, timing and shooting at cinematic. That is all amazing. There's no denying that it's very cool to watch. You don't realize how much a TV show cuts until you watch a show that doesn't do it at all. Kids jump out the window and the camera, like, somehow follows them through the window and they go, there's drones everywhere. I think it's very, very cool on that front. The first episode is incredible. You think you're about to witness something amazing, but then this one shot thing completely limits the show. Like the second, second episode, they want to show the other kids who are involved. It's like a kid murder mystery. And in order to show the kids at school, the whole episode has to be at the school.

[John Feidelberg]

I, you texted about that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Now none of the characters from the first episode are in it at all. And it's like the, the scenes in school are kind of okay, but a lot of it's like, I wish we were back over here. And then the third episode, people like, is, he's in the room. The kid is in the room with like a counselor. And there's like some heated, intense conversation. And then the fourth episode sucks. 1 and 3 are good. 2 and 4 I think are bad. But either way it's very, there's also some very heavy, like, it's, it's a very much a Andrew Tate is ruining young men type vibe. And the parents are like, so clueless in certain scenes where I, I do think some parents don't understand it, but like, there's like, the parents, like, don't know that, like, emojis mean certain things and like, what certain words mean, like, bro, come on. You know. You know what I mean?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So some of that was Bothering me. It's. It's good. It's fine. But the way I think, because of the subject matter and because of the. The. The technical aspect, people are like, this is amazing. It's like, I don't know. So. And that's the. The dad is, I think, the director of it.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah. Stephen Graham. He wrote, directed, Peaky.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right, right, right.

[John Feidelberg]

He is Snatch, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, he is a small guy. Guy.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Very tiny fella. But we'll talk next episode. There's the Amanda Seord show is great. The. The pit is good. There's a bunch out there, but those are the two big ones right now. Adolescence and White Lotus. So bird Dogs, classic quarter zips are perfect for when you're looking for something for the in between. This is John's great theory that the whole world met in the middle on quarter zips. People who dress comfy, people who dress classy, meet in the middle on your quarter zips. And, you know, with bird dogs, it's going to be comfortable. Comfortable and stylish. Whether you're golfing or going on a first date, whether you're hanging out with the boys or the girls, whether you're going to work or sitting at home. Bird dogs quarter zips are the new go to. And now what are you gonna pair it with? You got to get a nice pair of pants, right? I hate wearing nice pants. They're the worst. I was wearing jeans this weekend, and Shay said to me, we're in jeans right now.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

She said to me, I don't think I've ever seen you wear jeans. Not a suit, not slacks or khakis, just jeans. And I said, I. I put my foot down. I was like, yes, you have. She was like, no, I haven't.

[John Feidelberg]

I was like, damn it, yes, you have. But barely.

[Kevin Clancy]

But Bird dogs has you covered with stretch khakis that look like you're dressing up, but they have the stretch and flexibility you need. Other athletes, your pants look shiny. You look like you're wearing, like, warm ups. You can't. Too casual to wear them out. Certainly can't go to work in them. Bird Dog stretch khakis, you can have that comfort and style. And for a limited time, you can get a free hat hat right now with any bird dogs. Order when you use promo code kfcirdogs.com get this hat completely free when you use code kfc birddogs.com support our show and let them know that we sent you. All right, we're gonna get into our interview with Bert in a Second. But before we do that, a little inside Barstool drama from. In one of the biggest snake moves of all time, I. I could not believe my ears when I heard this. This one. It's altogether shocking, yet very fitting all at the same time. And it involves our good friend Dante. I think Dante went too far this time. Beyond. Beyond the point of no return on this one. So Dante, as we know, has been getting in trouble for music. He ran Barstool. Backstage was the. The intern, the social media channel and podcast at Barstool that was trying to make inroads in the music world. And he kept getting in trouble for post posting copywritten music to the point that we were getting sued for like tens of thousands of dollars every time. And Dave eventually just said, you shut down, you're done. And every time he got in trouble, Dante just kept being like, I don't get it. I don't get it why other people can do it and I can't. And it's like, well, I listen. You don't. We don't know, maybe they worked for the record label, maybe they got clearance. Maybe they're paying them or maybe for. Maybe they're not as big as Barstool. Maybe Barstool has a bullseye on their back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whatever.

[Kevin Clancy]

The thing is, is you're getting in trouble. It doesn't matter that they are not. So stop doing it. He wouldn't stop doing it. Dave eventually just had to cancel the show. Now a normal person would say, that sucks. And we've all been there before. I've done it with, with baseball. It's like, I want to post baseball clips to promote the game of baseball. It logically makes sense. The industry does not allow you just how it goes.

[John Feidelberg]

And also I want to post baseball clips to get retweets.

[Kevin Clancy]

The logic of, of the. The league or the industry should like this.

[John Feidelberg]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

But they're also like, this is how we make money. And we're going to make money off of every single time you get posted. I think it's backwards. Doesn't matter, right? It doesn't matter that me and Dante think it's backwards. That's how the it goes. So you should just kind of take your medicine and it is what it is. Or you could just as you're drowning, just reach up and grab people and pull them down with you. And that is what Dante did. Did. Just completely sandbagging our boy Vinnie.

[John Feidelberg]

The Don Chens, the real Don, if he ask, well, that's. How funny is that?

[Kevin Clancy]

We're Gonna have Don on Don violence now Don cry.

[John Feidelberg]

Dante is so annoying. He's making me defend an Italian. Vinnie.

[Kevin Clancy]

Vinnie was with KFC radio for like a summer. He's the producer of out and about, working with Joey and Pat. And on the side, he does kind of like One Minute man type videos for music. And he's made, like, a lot of headway in the. In the rap world. Had, like, several videos really pop off, like, tens of millions of views, steadily getting, like hundreds of thousands. More importantly, he has labels and artists reaching out to him, being like, we want to. We want you to interview us. And he's kind of in that gray area of like, I'm a producer. I started making content off hours on my own. Now people are reaching out to me. Like, that's kind of the road map. That's what's always kind of happened at Barstool. And I was just gonna say he also, like, is.

[Jackie]

It's always me and him here at the end of the day, like, he's.

[Kevin Clancy]

One of the hardest workers here. Yeah. And, like, he always gets so. So this was part of it. Like, he ran into an issue.

[John Feidelberg]

Nice. It was always me and him.

[Jackie]

I swear, my life.

[John Feidelberg]

Usually he's about 10 minutes before me. He's the second hardest worker here.

[Jackie]

But I did not even mean to do that. I will fess up when I mean to do that. That was not one of those times. That's crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Vinnie ran into a couple issues where, like, at first the head of production was like, you're a producer and, you know, you're like, kind of wasting company time. And so then he was like, I only do off hours. I only do it after my work is done. He's like, following all the rules. And one of the rules is, is if you have a brand account, like a Barstool show such as Barstool Backstage. Right. That's what Barstool Backstage was. That's kind of what their problem was. I think if Dante was just like, I'm the music guy, he probably could have done it.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But he made it Barstool Backstage. And that made both. That put a bullseye on their back for labels to go after them. Now Vinnie is in this weird gray area where it's like he. He has, like, Barstool Sports in his bio, and it says video creator. And because there's logos everywhere you look in this place. Like, when he films at work, there's a Barstool logo. And, like, if a label sees that, they're like, you're talking about Our music. You're using our music. You're clearly a video creator at Barstool.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, we're coming after you. And so he gets an email being like, you need to take that out. You need to take down some of this stuff. You can't do this, that, and the other anymore. You have to follow these rules. And Vinnie's kind of like, you know, this seems like I'm being singled out. There are plenty of other people who post music. And I was saying to him, well, you're in this gray area because you're. You're not just posting music. You're posting about music, you're using music, all that stuff. So I'm talking to him. He's talking to head of production Gaz, everyone. These emails with the lawyers going around. And the whole time, I had a little, like, inkling in the back of my head, but I didn't. I didn't say it because I was like, I'm not gonna start any rumors or anything, but he has this meeting, and he's like, where did this all even come from? And he said that Dante flagged everything and brought it up to legal. And not only that, he noticed that the night before, the Barstool Backstage account watched, like, all of his. You know, you can see who's watched your stories and who watch your content.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And, like, Dante and Barstool Backstage watched, like, an unusual amount. So Dante literally just went to the other guy making music content and was like, well, he can't do it either. What about him? Take him down too.

[John Feidelberg]

He. There's no way to describe it other than he's a snitch. A. A loser. A lame. Like, to make a video of that.

[Kevin Clancy]

You're a loser.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

Snitch? A. A loser. Relay almost into turtleneck.

[Jackie]

Like, that went so hard.

[John Feidelberg]

But, like, look, I'm always saying Dante's the dumbest guy in the world, which he is. But I'm also always saying he's a nice guy that's a scumbag.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is almost.

[John Feidelberg]

And then, I mean, fucking to be like, if I can't. And here's the deal. Because of the two things I always say about Dante, he's so dumb that I will. He will. He will argue. And what I might even believe is he's like. I was trying to get my account.

[Kevin Clancy]

Back, offend myself by pointing out another.

[John Feidelberg]

Example, the lack of brain. You have to have to think that that's a possibility. Insane is. Is unfathomable. It's.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's also it's also like, it's just like, you would never do that in, in like, let's say, let's say your girlfriend's mad at you or whatever and you're like, but like, he does it to his girlfriend. You wouldn't do that to your boy because you know, you know, and so you. But you do that to someone who you're trying to take down. There is no world where Dave and Barstool goes, oh, the Don Chen's does it. You're right, Dante, you can do it too.

[John Feidelberg]

The producer does it. So of course a bar, like, it doesn't make any sense. You have to be so stupid.

[Kevin Clancy]

Even if you're just defending yourself, trying to argue your right to do it, you have to understand nothing's going to change the circumstances. And by highlighting someone else who does it, you're just them over. And I'm hearing additional rumblings that Vinnie has heard from other people that this is like straight up hater. Like, he's mad that Vinnie was not reaching out to Barstool backstage and not collaborating with him. Doing music stuff.

[John Feidelberg]

Oh, yeah, because music, Music once, you.

[Kevin Clancy]

Know, I mean, well, only one person owns music.

[John Feidelberg]

Only one person talk about music. We only have one football show and we only have like one comedy show. Like, of course. How dare someone else talk about music when Dante the Don is available and.

[Kevin Clancy]

And he'll do. He'll have another. Another excuse. Like the last one when he was making fun of movie and, and. And Kelly and he was just like, oh, I was just up and I don't remember.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, like, no, yeah, he knew. Exactly. And it will be stupid, but it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

It this way, if you ever email Barstool Legal about anything other than your own.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't even open emails from Barstool, let alone send them to him.

[Kevin Clancy]

I know because I'm an idiot and I've had my own in the past. I know who Barstool lawyers are. Nobody else should even know who they are.

[John Feidelberg]

You guys shouldn't even know who Legal Paul is.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's.

[John Feidelberg]

I.

[Kevin Clancy]

Every time I talk to him, I go, I never want to talk to you again, Paul. No offense, but I hope I never talk to you again.

[John Feidelberg]

Again.

[Kevin Clancy]

So anybody who's reaching out to. To talk about other people's legal, you have to have a shred of awareness to go, this might not go well for my boy.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know, and it's clear that you're doing it because he's not your boy because of whatever little dick measuring thing you're Doing with music. But, like, yeah, I think maybe something a little upset that Vinnie's music videos do a little bit better than that's all I'm saying.

[John Feidelberg]

Which they. I mean, like, it's just. It's. It's legitimately disappointing. Yeah. Like, I'm like, damn, dude, I didn't know you were like that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right?

[John Feidelberg]

Like, you, like, that's, that sucks.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's dumb. There's, like, disagreements, whatever. It's like, I didn't think you were like that.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah, I'm sure. I don't even care to hear. I'm sure he'll have some excuse that is. I mean, it's like, 10 people are talking about it, about how Dante snitched on, On. On Vinnie, and it's. There's no debate.

[Kevin Clancy]

No. No one's like, well, yeah, there's no debate.

[John Feidelberg]

It's what happened. And that's. And it sucks that you're that kind of person.

[Jackie]

This is like, this is like. It's like, Dante, the woman who claims her shoes 140 pounds lighter, not excuses.

[Kevin Clancy]

Hit him one more time with it.

[John Feidelberg]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

You're a snitch. You're a loser and a lane.

[Jackie]

Get it, white boy.

[John Feidelberg]

Boy. Yeah, boy. It's great. Like, it is. I, I, I've actually. I, I, Dante's an idiot. And then I know. I recently been like, wait, is he dumb? That's a different thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Like, oh, you're a idiot. Are you stupid?

[Kevin Clancy]

You are so dumb that you couldn't pause and say, let me be an adult and think through my actions and think if this is going to negatively affect someone else, which it obviously is, if you give it one ounce of thought.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Before just going, going, I, he can do it.

[John Feidelberg]

Why can't I do it? Because it's like, you can do it on Dante the Don account.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[John Feidelberg]

It's. And, And I don't, I don't, like, pay that close attention to these rules because I don't really live that close to the line of it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[John Feidelberg]

But, like, I understand. I know that personal accounts can post music. Brand accounts cannot. That's.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's it.

[John Feidelberg]

That's it. So why would you fucking rat out a personal account? Just doing what we're allowed to. Doing what a personal account is allowed to do.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[John Feidelberg]

Vinny did absolutely fucking nothing wrong. I guess the content creator, whatever the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Gray area where I told him, I'm like, I understand why legal and Chase, the production guys are talking to you because it's like, music is a little bit different. And if you do these things that allude to you being a music content creator at barstool. Using music, it starts to gray, you know? You know, get a gray area. And, and like, I'm. I'm almost arguing against Vinnie on that. I was talking to him on the phone. I'm like, you got to see it from their point of view and all these other things. But they were like, as long as you do it this way, like, you're okay. But it all only even came to light because Dante tore him down.

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And. And really, it's a testament to Vinnie. He's doing something right that, like, it's making people notice. And now production is talking to him. And, you know, you're talking to legal because, like, you are doing content that's doing numbers. So I, I, I don't know. I think, think there's one little piece of me that thought. You know how Dave always hypes up nadu to piss off Rico?

[John Feidelberg]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's one little part of me that Dave might be like, Vinnie the Don Chens is the authority on music at barstool just to piss off. So it might end up working out well for. There's also a chance that Dave never hears about this, never cares about this, or says, I don't want to deal with music at all. But there's a little part of me that's like, this might be a great thing for.

[John Feidelberg]

I don't. I did the only thing there is. I don't think he cares about Dante enough.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, he does. He does.

[John Feidelberg]

He likes riling up Rico, which is why he likes to do.

[Kevin Clancy]

He, like, wants to tear down Dante, but that's.

[John Feidelberg]

I think he can do that. And I, I don't think he cares for the pageantry of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

He does that privately.

[John Feidelberg]

I hope not. I hope Vinnie works his balls off. He's almost here. As late as Jackie. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope Dave backs him. I, I would be surprised to see that. But it's still Dante. No matter.

[Kevin Clancy]

Go follow Vinnie. If you're interested in his, in his videos. It's Donor Chen. He's Italians, but, yeah.

[John Feidelberg]

Bluetooth. What was his Bluetooth name? Oh, when we were driving that one. Wait now, I, I can't remember. He was just playing, like, slow tunes the whole time.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, it was like.

[John Feidelberg]

It was like, like slow r. He's about to jerk me off right now. But if you, if you go look.

[Kevin Clancy]

At his page, like the, the three top pinned ones. 10.3 million, 2.6 million, 1.1 million. You know, he's got a bunch of, like, hundreds of thousands. 244,000, 354,000. So if you're into music, and more so specifically rap, like new, new rap, underground rap, like really in the hip hop world, Vinnie is the guy. So follow them at Don Chen.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sa.