Sh**ting and Puking w/ Lil Sas - Full Interview

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Shting and Puking w/ Lil Sas - Full Interview" on KFC Radio**

Podcast Information:

• Title: KFC Radio
• Hosts: KFC and Feitelberg
• Episode: Sh**ting and Puking w/ Lil Sas - Full Interview
• Release Date: April 10, 2025

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Introduction and Nicknames

The episode kicks off with Sass, also known as Lil Sas, diving into the topic of nicknames. He reflects on being called "Sass" throughout his life, a name shared by both his father and siblings. This recurring nickname has become a staple in his identity, though Sass expresses indifference towards others' attempts to use his real name.

Notable Quote:

• Sass [00:44]: “I don't give a fuck.”

The Origin of "Sass" and Influences from "Trailer Park Boys"

Sass explains that his nickname "Little Sasquatch" originated from his gamer tag on PlayStation, which he used to maintain a separation between his online persona and real life. This nickname eventually became synonymous with his identity within the Barstool community. The hosts draw a parallel between their show’s mockumentary style and the Canadian series "Trailer Park Boys," highlighting the comedic and unscripted nature of their conversations.

Notable Quote:

• Sass [03:20]: “It was my gamer tag on PlayStation... and then it just kind of stuck like that forever.”

Filming Their Show and Times Square Experiences

KFC and Sass discuss the challenges and humorous moments of filming their show in iconic locations like Times Square. They recount interactions with street performers, mascots, and the unpredictable nature of public filming. The hosts share anecdotes about securing funds through interactions with passersby and navigating the bustling environment of a major tourist hub.

Notable Quote:

• KFC [23:07]: “I remembered blogging like a con. I was, like, working the Times Square beat almost, when I was a blogger.”

Personal Anecdotes: Family, Gluten, and Dairy Issues

Sass opens up about his struggles with gluten intolerance and dairy sensitivity, sharing how these issues impact his daily life and dietary choices. He humorously describes his excessive use of sour cream, which he incorporates into various meals, much to the amusement and slight concern of his co-hosts.

Notable Quotes:

• Sass [17:04]: “Gluten's bad. Yeah, it messed me up.”
• KFC [13:46]: “I legitimately think I consume more sour cream than any American.”

Interaction with Homeless Individuals in Washington Square Park

During their filming at Washington Square Park, Sass narrates encounters with homeless individuals, highlighting both the unpredictability and humanity in these interactions. They discuss the challenges of filming in public spaces and the diverse range of people they meet, emphasizing the raw and unfiltered nature of their environment.

Notable Quote:

• Sass [08:04]: “People are insane... it was just me and, like, two homeless dudes.”

Experiences with Odd Fans and Sponsorship Deals

The conversation shifts to their interactions with fans who approach them in unusual ways, including requests for promotional videos or endorsements while still in costume. The hosts discuss maintaining professionalism and brand integrity amidst these unexpected encounters, ensuring their image remains intact despite the quirky nature of some fan interactions.

Notable Quote:

• Tommy [29:17]: “He pretty much did a read after he drank... and he was like, conditions apply.”

Adventures with Gun Ranges and Shooting

A substantial portion of the episode covers the hosts' experiences at gun ranges. They humorously recount their lack of expertise in handling firearms, with Sass sharing a story about nearly losing a thumb due to improper gun handling. This segment evolves into broader discussions on gun culture, safety, and the gap between media portrayals and real-life experiences with firearms.

Notable Quote:

• KFC [76:35]: “I was lining up to shoot it, and he just removed the gun from my hands... you would have lost your thumb.”

Pet Ownership in New York City

The hosts delve into the challenges of owning pets, particularly dogs, in New York City. They critique the impracticality of keeping large dogs in small apartments and share personal stories of having to give up pets due to the constraints of urban living. This discussion highlights the complexities and emotional toll of pet ownership in a densely populated environment.

Notable Quote:

• KFC [50:25]: “If you are, like, single and living in a tiny apartment, like, that just should not be on the table for you.”

Tax Systems and Political Views

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts transition to a discussion on the complexities of the tax system. They express frustration over the withholding process and how taxes are calculated and deducted from paychecks. The conversation turns into a critique of political decisions regarding tariffs and tax policies, particularly under the Trump administration. They discuss the financial burdens of higher taxes for the wealthy and the broader implications of such policies on the economy and individual finances.

Notable Quotes:

• KFC [66:20]: “If you're making 900 grand, you save 30 grand... but how are you making 9 million? I'm now saving, you know, 3,600.”
• Tommy [64:52]: “But like, I don't know, we're not gonna figure this out?”

Conclusion

The episode concludes with final thoughts on their upcoming projects, including their new show "mascots," and brief mentions of future content plans. Sass expresses enthusiasm about new ventures, while KFC encourages listeners to follow their journey and stay engaged with their ongoing work. The hosts wrap up by reflecting on the episode's discussions and looking forward to future interactions.

Notable Quote:

• Sass [81:20]: “Fuck yeah.”

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Summary Highlights:

• Nicknames: Sass discusses his enduring nickname and indifference towards real name usage.
• Mockumentary Style: Influenced by "Trailer Park Boys," their show maintains a comedic and unscripted format.
• Urban Filming Challenges: Filming in public places like Times Square and Washington Square Park presents humorous and unpredictable moments.
• Personal Health Issues: Sass shares experiences with gluten intolerance and dairy sensitivity, impacting his diet.
• Fan Interactions: Handling unusual fan requests while maintaining professional integrity and brand image.
• Gun Range Stories: Humorous and cautionary tales about their lack of firearm expertise and the realities of gun handling.
• Pet Ownership Realities: Challenges of keeping pets, especially dogs, in large cities like NYC, leading to difficult decisions.
• Tax and Political Discourse: Frustration with the tax system, critique of tariffs, and discussion on the financial impact of political policies.

This episode of KFC Radio offers a blend of humorous anecdotes, personal reflections, and candid discussions on a variety of topics, making it both entertaining and relatable for its audience. Listeners can expect a mix of light-hearted banter and insightful commentary, capturing the essence of a candid bar conversation in podcast form.

Transcript

[KFC]

Hey, KFC Radio listeners. You can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Sass]

Well, I would just, like, fart all the time. I had three sisters and they would get mad for sure, but also like, my dad was the same exact way.

[KFC]

Harry's in the building.

[Sass]

Hello.

[KFC]

Sasquatch is here.

[Sass]

Hello. Thank you for having me.

[KFC]

You think is it just going to be Sass for life now?

[Sass]

Yeah, probably.

[KFC]

Like, was there ever a moment where you're like. You know, when you're a young dude, it's like, whatever. But you're like, I'm 40 and people call me Sass.

[Sass]

Yeah. It's weird because I don't, like, I don't really care.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

But people do have. People always are like. They'll be like, Sass. And they'll be like, oh, sorry, you don't want me to say.

[KFC]

Right.

[Sass]

It's like, I don't give a fuck.

[KFC]

Dude. I get that a lot too. Do I use, like, your. Your nickname?

[Sass]

Yeah, it's like.

[KFC]

I don't know. People do that. Do I use your nickname? Your real name? I guess mine's a little different.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

You know what?

[Roan]

Sauce and I just learned yesterday, was Sam his real name? Like, you know, Sam. Whatever his real name is. Like Alfred.

[KFC]

Wait, yeah.

[Tommy]

Sam Martin, but it's Alfred.

[Roan]

Like Sean.

[Sass]

There's no Sam.

[Roan]

So he just said S A, M.

[KFC]

Like, that's a little weird. Yeah. If his actual initials were Sam, then you went by Sam. Fine. But it's asm and he's recreated his.

[Sass]

Came out with that.

[KFC]

Not even, like, his parents.

[Sass]

No, his parents.

[KFC]

Okay. All right.

[Sass]

Which is worse?

[Roan]

I feel like if he was a kid.

[KFC]

I don't know, for some reason I don't get when. When, like, a lot of parents will name a kid and. But decide, like, we're not gonna actually call him that. Yeah, it's like, then just call him that.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, if you want it to be Charlie instead of Charles or. But whatever. Like, that's put the name that.

[Sass]

Yeah, Charles.

[KFC]

Like, my sister's Trisha. Like, not Patricia. Because my mom was like, I don't want people calling her Pat.

[Sass]

Yeah, her.

[KFC]

Her mother was Pat and she always felt like a boy or whatever. She's like. So it's just Trisha.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Just do that.

[Tommy]

You know, that's what my. My parents did that with my brother. It's not. It's not Benjamin. It's been Ben.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah. Harry and everyone. I've never. I Don't know.

[KFC]

Are you Harry or Harold?

[Sass]

Yeah, Harry.

[KFC]

See, that's a good example. They didn't want Harold.

[Sass]

Yeah. I don't know if I've ever met another Harry. That's because usually Government Harold or Harrison. Yeah, yeah.

[Tommy]

My, my buddy was playing poker in Vegas one night like a month or two before his kid was born and he ended up at the same table as Lady Gaga. And he's a funny guy and he.

[KFC]

Was just like, he's like, name my.

[Tommy]

Kid, he's a Lady Gaga. I'm gonna name my son Charles. What do you think about that? And like I think she was smoking a cigarette and she goes, make it Chuck and teach him the arts. And so.

[KFC]

Wow. Yeah, that's enough. That's enough for me to do that. When you go up on stage where they announce you is Harry. Settle Harry.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah. That's the reason that I, that's the only thing that I cared about.

[KFC]

You didn't want.

[Sass]

I didn't like going up on stage as Little Sasquatch.

[KFC]

Cuz that's the other thing. Like Sass feels like your name could be like Assassin and they just call you Sass or some.

[Sass]

Exactly.

[KFC]

Little Sasquatch is a little bit different.

[Sass]

Especially when I started here, everyone called, they would, Everyone would call me Little Sasquatch.

[KFC]

Yeah. That's tough.

[Sass]

Like that's adding on a whole another element.

[KFC]

This is a whole. What was the origination of that anyway?

[Sass]

It was like my gamer tag on PlayStation fucking around. Yeah, it was my gamer tag on PlayStation. And then when I was tweeting in high school, I didn't want my Twitter to be connected to my name and then it just kind of stuck like that forever.

[Roan]

What was the origination between Little Sam.

[Sass]

Squash Trailer Park Boys?

[Roan]

What?

[Sass]

Trailer Park Boys is. There's a dude on it that messes up the words constantly, so he calls Sasquatches Sam. Yeah.

[KFC]

That has a lot of followers too though, right?

[Sass]

Travel Park Boys.

[KFC]

No, no, you're. Yeah, they're doing pretty good tr. But I feel like brand is killing it.

[Tommy]

Trailer Park Boys is great dude.

[Sass]

Great show.

[Tommy]

It's phenomenal. That's a show that never. I, I, I have not given an. An honest episode I don't think I've ever seen.

[KFC]

I mix it up with Pawn Stars.

[Sass]

Yeah. Much different. Yeah.

[KFC]

When I think of that, I pictured like guys in a shop like selling. So what are the, the Trailer Park Boys just live in like in trailer parks.

[Sass]

They live in a trailer park. It's. They live in a trailer park. In Canada. And they are just like, white trash.

[KFC]

Are you. And fighting.

[Sass]

It's one of the funniest shows.

[Tommy]

Is it on. It's on Netflix.

[Sass]

Yeah, I think so. And it holds up well. Like, I just rewatched because I watched it when I was young.

[KFC]

You're a real time.

[Sass]

I'm telling you, the fact that you haven't seen it is crazy.

[KFC]

Because the show Reality guy, though, he doesn't.

[Tommy]

No, it's not reality.

[Sass]

It's not reality. No, it's a mockumentary.

[KFC]

I'm totally off on this. I don't know anything about this. I don't know anything about this.

[Sass]

One of the funniest shows.

[KFC]

Holy. I did not know. I thought this was like a. That. That's why you gave me that face. Because I was like, yeah, I thought this was like a People living in trailer park just being.

[Sass]

No, it's. It's. Dude, it's one of the funniest shows ever.

[Tommy]

I. I love Canadians. I've. I've honestly, like, never had a long a relationship with a Canadian who I didn't like. I hate Canadian television.

[KFC]

That whole sentence was crazy. I love Canadians. I mean, obviously, I've never had a long relationship with a Canadian I didn't like.

[Tommy]

Like, every kid I've ever known. Personally, I love.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And I. I do not like Canadian entertainment.

[Sass]

No, you would love.

[Tommy]

I don't like Penny. I don't like. Again, these are shows I've not given, like, real chances to. But sh. Letter Kenny, this. People are always telling me, like, you'd love it. And maybe that's why I don't like.

[KFC]

You don't consider that shit's creek. I like.

[Tommy]

I don't love. I liked it during the pandemic. But, like, I've never gone back and like. Yeah, like, this is great, man.

[Sass]

I didn't know anything about this, dude. The show that we're filming, a. A show right now that is not far off from how this show is filmed. And this show is one of the funniest.

[KFC]

Let's go.

[Sass]

That's your inspiration.

[KFC]

Like, you know, Trailer Park Boys. We're doing it again.

[Tommy]

This is like. It's like Mask.

[Sass]

It's a mockumentary.

[Tommy]

All right, I'll give it a watch.

[KFC]

Yeah, you gotta watch for the brand. Yeah, that's true.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Is that. That guy is like just an actor.

[Sass]

The guy in the front? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

And he just looks that way, but he's.

[Sass]

I think he looks normal in real life.

[KFC]

Okay, hammer that up a little bit. Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah, it's kind of just. He actually doesn't even look that much different. I think it's just he wears those glasses.

[Roan]

Johnny kind of looks like you like Ed Sheeran.

[KFC]

Oh, man, I can see that when.

[Roan]

You'Re trying to be Ed Sheeran.

[KFC]

Yeah. Late mascots is. Is rolling. You guys are. Are doing it, man.

[Sass]

Yeah, it's been a blast. Yeah.

[KFC]

You like it?

[Sass]

Yeah, it's been very fun.

[KFC]

Everything everybody to a man who's involved in it says it's very enjoyable.

[Sass]

Yeah. I mean I told them like I when we did the sketches obviously forever and those were like, those felt more like work than this does. Like this feels like it's. I think it's cuz it's the same characters every time. Like every time we do the sketch it's a new character.

[KFC]

Right.

[Sass]

Which is obviously not that. Not that I'm like changing my.

[KFC]

Depending on the character.

[Sass]

It does feel easier and it feels more fun. But yeah, it's been good.

[KFC]

How far along would you guys say you are.

[Tommy]

We are done with the pilot?

[KFC]

50% done with episodes two, three and four. Oh, wow. Yeah. And how many are we thinking for season one? Eight. So you're 50% to halfway there.

[Sass]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I, I would. The, the highest, I guess marketing thing I would do for show is Harry's active in the group chat.

[KFC]

Wow.

[Tommy]

That's how you know Harry sends text in the group chat and you're like, damn.

[KFC]

That'S a big sign. Next. You just got to get Trent to talk about it. Tight lipped guys talking.

[Tommy]

The most fun part of it. Yeah. I don't know. Do you think like the yesterday, like the park shooting is fun?

[Sass]

Yeah, I think it's fun. It's. I mean it was cold yesterday, but.

[Tommy]

Like it was cold. It was cold yesterday. I have the best setup because you're in the. But like Tommy's also in one, but his is not as high quality as mine, so mine's lying. I'm great.

[Sass]

Let's go film in the snow.

[Tommy]

If we end up shooting, if we keep filming through summer, then it's going to be tough for me.

[KFC]

Yeah. The tables are going to turn real.

[Tommy]

Quick on you right now. It's great. But the. I love. We kind of talked about a little bit with Times Square, but like getting to know the characters in the park is so much.

[KFC]

I was gonna say. I don't know if you were talking about that or not, but you told me a few things about your interactions with the locals. That is very funny.

[Tommy]

Dude. The yesterday Tommy Was playing chess with, like, one of, like, the guys, and he's just talking about his wife or something like that. It was.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

So funny.

[Sass]

People are insane. I mean, it's crazy being at Washington Square park at, like, 10am too. It's, like, empty.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And the only people that are. There are people that are, like, crazy. I sat down at the. We had. I had to film. We had to. I had to sit at, like, the circle in the middle, like, where the people skateboard. Yeah. And it was just me and, like, two homeless dudes. And one of them. There's just a crack pipe just on the ground next to him. And he, like. He, like, saw me and he was like, oh, my bad. And he, like, took it and moved away.

[KFC]

I love to still have the awareness. Like, this is very uncouth for you. Smoke, like, crack in front of this gentleman here.

[Tommy]

Get it together.

[KFC]

He's like, listen, it's 10:00am going around.

[Roan]

I was thinking, do homeless people, like, party less on? Like, do they go harder on Fridays?

[Tommy]

And you think that holds you?

[KFC]

Like, it's the weekend about to have me some fun.

[Tommy]

I honestly, like, I can see what you're saying because, look, not that they're listening to a ton of music, but, like, all the music is. Is for the weekend. If you're partying.

[Sass]

Yeah, they're not.

[Tommy]

They're not doing a lot of fun partying. There is. Is maintenance.

[KFC]

There are some places that are playing opera and classical music to get rid of homeless people. And it works. Like, homeless people will be hanging out and they'll, like, play it, and they're like this. And they leave. I could see that.

[Tommy]

I like, I. I would think, like a homosexual. This is beautiful.

[Roan]

I feel like when you're, like, high on heroin.

[KFC]

If you're doing, I don't know, opera is. Classical is fine. Opera would not be enjoyable, especially on crack.

[Sass]

That's not.

[KFC]

That's not.

[Sass]

You want, like, 69 or some. That's not what you're looking for.

[Tommy]

I. I don't think I've ever been on drugs and not liked whatever was playing.

[KFC]

You just. You just go with the, like, whatever.

[Tommy]

I'm like, I'll vibe.

[Roan]

Yeah, but to be fair, like, you're probably not doing, like, the.

[KFC]

The hard stuff.

[Tommy]

I'm not doing the H. But aside from that, I've probably done anything there on.

[KFC]

It's such a shame, that heroin.

[Tommy]

I've smelled crack.

[KFC]

Yeah. You smell crack?

[Tommy]

I smell. I've spoiled cocaine, which is always.

[KFC]

It's so funny.

[Sass]

I think it's different. I think it's different.

[Tommy]

Yeah, it was. I mean, I just did it once.

[Sass]

Probably because I think it was good. Smoking cocaine is probably not as, like, easy as smoking crack.

[Tommy]

Yeah, it's pretty easy. Just put it in the parliament. I don't know.

[KFC]

Let me tell you.

[Tommy]

Super easy. Just go like that.

[Sass]

I'm pretty sure making crack is, like, insanely easy.

[KFC]

Yeah. I mean, you just cook up the coke, right?

[Sass]

I think it's just baking soda and cocaine.

[Tommy]

I've. I've watched people smoke, like, cook crack before.

[KFC]

Oh, really?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Where are you doing that?

[Tommy]

Brockton, Mass, baby. Went to my buddies.

[KFC]

They doing, like, the spoon.

[Tommy]

Yeah. When my buddy's girlfriend's boyfriend's house. We were probably, like, 17, 18. We were going to buy coke, and we were just standing in Brockton, and I was like, what is he doing? Like, he's cooking crack. I was like, this is insane, dude.

[KFC]

I always thought, like, the levels, you know, like, for you to be like, all right, I got to get the coke. I got to get the baking soda, the spoon, the torch. I'm going to cook it. I'm going to tie off. I'm going to get a needle. Like, there's so many steps for you to be like, I shouldn't do this. Once you're addicted, I get it.

[Tommy]

You don't.

[KFC]

You blow through all that. But that first. Those first times where it's like. It's easy to just take a hit of something, do a line, take a shot, whatever, take a pill. Like, this is like.

[Tommy]

I don't even, like going to get my own fork when I order food.

[KFC]

Right.

[Tommy]

Where's the plastic? This is a whole nother step.

[Sass]

I get so mad when they don't bring a dude. I've been. I order infuriating. I try to drink, like, smoothies a lot. And they'll bring the smoothie without the straw.

[KFC]

No, straw is nuts.

[Sass]

And I'm like, who has straws? Just at their house.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Like, what do you. What, Like, I get, like, a fork or a spoon being like, they probably have one at home, but it's like a straw.

[KFC]

Straw is pretty instrumental.

[Sass]

Yeah, Like, I need that now. I gotta. You gotta drink it out of the cup.

[Tommy]

And it's like.

[Sass]

It's like coming down on your entire.

[KFC]

Face like a ringer in your nose.

[Tommy]

Yeah, of course, dude. I. I had the other day. I forget what I'd ordered. I want to say it was cookies or something weird. And the delivery guy apologized to me where he was like, sorry, they didn't have any blue cheese. And I was like, why the blue cheese this? And I looked at my seamless and I had a saved request from probably when I got a pizza two years ago and it was, could you grab a blue cheese? So everything I've ordered for two years.

[KFC]

They had a blue cheese.

[Tommy]

You want to grab a blue cheese with that? He's like, dude, these are six s'mores cookies, dude.

[KFC]

Speaking of condiments, I. There's a chance, I think at least in America, I eat more sour cream than anyone in this country. I'd be willing to put that out there. I legitimately think I consume more sour cream than any American.

[Sass]

You eat a lot of like Mexican food.

[KFC]

Yeah, I eat a lot. I eat a lot of tacos.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And then, but even like, like I do a lot of tacos. I do like an Asian chicken. It's like chicken and peppers. But I end up just throwing. So I make everything like a Mex, Tex Mex, Asian Mex, infusion, everything. Just put sour cream on everything. And I put a lot on there.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I think sour cream is a criminally underrated condiment. But also to the extent that I'm doing like, it gives me shame. Like, like when I'm, when I'm having it, I'll like. I don't want to see people, I don't want people to see how much I use it. I get it in the bag. I get that like in the squeeze out bag. Not even in. So I just.

[Tommy]

How, how much are we talking? Cuz this sounds like it's a lot.

[Roan]

Is it plain or you mixing it with like a dressing or something?

[KFC]

No play. I mean it's like, so what my main, here's my main thing I make, I make this chicken. These chicken tacos that I'll basically have like all week long. And it's like a shredded taco E type of chicken, chipotle chicken type thing I get out of tortillas. I cover that with sour cream.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Crush up Doritos. Sprinkle, sprinkle the Doritos in the sour cream. Sprinkle the, the shredded cheese on top of that rice. Chicken.

[Tommy]

Boom.

[KFC]

It's fire. But it's a lot.

[Sass]

It sounds right.

[KFC]

I actually want to make it. It's delicious.

[Tommy]

It sounds really, really good.

[KFC]

But I bet if people. And I would not expect people to put as much sour cream as I put on it because I'm a freak. But I feel like in general if people heard sour cream, they'd be like, no, no. But if I. If you just have it, don't watch me put it on. I understand. It doesn't look appealing. Yeah, but just try it. The Doritos in the sour cream sounds great.

[Tommy]

It sounds really good. It's crazy. That's. What. You're going home and cooking every night.

[KFC]

And I'll have it, like, for breakfast. I'll have it for lunch and dinner. Like, three straight days. Yeah.

[Sass]

The Doritos on top, dude.

[Tommy]

Just picturing you with a hand. Fistful of Doritos.

[KFC]

Even better than that. So sometimes I. Like, in the beginning, I used to just get a handful of Doritos. I would put it in, like, a little Ziploc bag and crush it up that way. Got to the point where I was like, I am not eating Doritos.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah.

[KFC]

Other than this. So I just smashed the bag. Right now there's just a bag of.

[Tommy]

Dorito dust from baseball practice. And it's fury.

[KFC]

Hey, you want the Doritos, you gotta.

[Tommy]

Like, eat it with a spoon, bro.

[Sass]

It would be so bad.

[Tommy]

Like, a full thinking. That's how Doritos come. They didn't break these ones up. You guys got triangles.

[KFC]

This is crazy, but I feel like most people are totally disgusted by sour cream.

[Sass]

And I'm like, no, sour cream, I love. But I. I had a. There's like, a fine line between enough and too.

[KFC]

Too much for me. Yeah.

[Sass]

But I'm also very sensitive to, like, dairy.

[KFC]

Yeah, that's a problem, too. I could eat, dude. I could do a gallon of milk. A thing of sour cream and cheese, and I'd be fine. Dude, is this iron stomach?

[Tommy]

Is this a. I feel like this is, like, younger people have a really hard time with dairy. Like, I feel like people my age, I'm like, I'll crush milk. I'll cry.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I feel like even. Also, how I was raised, though, like. Like, were they not getting that as, like, little kids.

[Sass]

Like, we drank. I drank milk my whole life growing up, and I never realized it was destroying my stomach. But it's like, I mean, everything. Like, I definitely am allergic to gluten for sure.

[KFC]

Really?

[Sass]

And do you just power through it, pound gluten? But it's like. Because it's, like, weird because it's like, some things will, like, destroy me in some things.

[KFC]

Yeah. What do you. And puke and stuff? Or like.

[Sass]

Oh, no, I just. Yeah, I don't puke ever. I've actually. I actually was in. I wanted to Google that the other night. Why some people more than puke. Some people puke More than shit.

[KFC]

Well, I feel like. I feel like when you. If you have, like, a stomach sensitivity about.

[Sass]

Because, I mean, dude, I get. I get a stomachache every night to the point where I'm like, I'm going to throw up if I don't throw.

[Roan]

Puke More than shit. Like, on a general basis.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, no, like.

[Sass]

I mean, like, like diarrhea. Like, you know how, like, some people, like, they get the flu and they're just. They're just throwing up?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah. I don't get that ever.

[KFC]

You're not a puker?

[Sass]

No, I never puke because I. I, like, I can hold it long enough to the point that it's gonna turn into a genuinely, like, the worst. Like. Like the other night I got, like. I ate, like, too much ice cream or some, and I got, like, a super bad stomachache. Yeah, I'm gonna puke. So I went late in bed and it didn't. And I didn't puke. And then I didn't. I think I, like, the next night. No, I have a friend who, like.

[KFC]

You know, we're hanging out and all of a sudden you'll smell something and we're like, dude, you ate ice cream, didn't you?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

The whole friend group knows, like, Evan can't eat dairy. Dude, he did it again. He ate the dairy again. You know, it just.

[Tommy]

That's such a tough spot to be in where you're like, look, I don't care.

[KFC]

Yeah, like, the disrespect that you're just gonna do this. We rented a house together. We're away for the weekend. Like, just don't eat the ice cream for a couple days. It's like in Home Alone, the kid's drinking the. The Pepsi. You know, he's gonna piss the bed. He's like, I don't give a. That gluten shit's no joke, man.

[Sass]

Gluten's bad. Yeah, it me up. But it's weird because, like, I could eat like, a sand. Like, I could eat like a BLT and be completely fine. Like. Like just on, like, wheat bread. That's totally fine. But if I have, like, like a chicken parm on, like a. Like a roll, I'm.

[KFC]

You're done.

[Sass]

Pizza. But I eat a ton of pizza. Like, pizza, like, dairy and gluten, it destroys me. But I crush pizza. Like, I'll have pizza multiple times a week because it's hard to just ignore those foods.

[KFC]

I'll tell you what it's hard to do is ignore the fact that you're and dying.

[Sass]

You know what it is? I went and fifth grade, I went to private school for a year. And there was a kid in our school. It was a small school. Like, I think it was like 40 kids per grade, something like that.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And there was like the whole, it was a elementary school. I think the school went up to like 8th grade. So everyone would eat lunch together. And there was a kid that was glute, he had a gluten allergy and he would eat these like, gluten free checks mix. But there was, they were in a bowl and he would eat it like a dog. Like, he would stick his face into the bowl. And I, for my whole life, I was like, that's what gluten intolerant people are. So I was always like, I'm just gonna ignore this.

[Tommy]

I can't be a dog.

[KFC]

Doctor's like, you got a gluten allergy? Like, you tell me I gotta eat out of bowl. Yeah, no, dude, you just can't have bread.

[Sass]

Because I was like, that guy's a like, freak. I was like, I don't want to be like that. And then I later on I realized I was like, I know that kid.

[KFC]

Just, he's just a freak.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Wait, so let me, let me ask you a question. Like, like with, with significant others. Like, like, are they like, stop eating that pizza.

[KFC]

Yeah. You're gonna blow this place up.

[Sass]

No, I'm not. I never have had any really big issues with, with that. I, I, I haven't had really any major. Like, the only people that have ever been like, mad at me for my bowel movements, I guess, are my family, like, like growing up like my family. But like also like my dad the exact same way.

[Tommy]

So used to get in trouble as a kid.

[Sass]

Like, yeah, like we would like, yeah, like my God damn it, Harry. Like, no one would get like, mad, but like, if I, like when I was in like high school school, I would just like fart all the time. I had three sisters. And they would get mad for sure. But also like, my dad was the same exact way.

[KFC]

Like talking about the way you say so seriously, that's just.

[Sass]

My dad. I mean, my dad growing up. Like, I have such like, vivid met. Like even to this day, it's like if he goes into the bathroom, it's.

[KFC]

Like you don't steer clear. Yeah, dude, that, that is the thing. Like when you, you know, you hear that like old man shits. And I'm like, I don't think I'm one of those guys. But I'm pretty sure when my dad was 40, it was like, dad's dropping bombs, you know? Like, is. Am I just not aware that I am that guy?

[Sass]

I don't think I am. But, like, yelling downstairs, what the.

[KFC]

Peter, what the hell?

[Tommy]

Flush.

[Sass]

That's, like, most of my childhood.

[KFC]

My childhood memories. My mom yelling at my dad for shitting.

[Tommy]

Honestly.

[KFC]

That's some good wholesome, though, man. That's funny. Back to mascots. So wait, you guys are doing your shooting in. In Washington Square Park? There's. There's mascots down there? No, no.

[Tommy]

So we got fired from Times Square in the show. Yes.

[Sass]

Got it.

[KFC]

Okay, okay.

[Sass]

Times Square. There were.

[KFC]

They were.

[Sass]

And it is funny, too, because, like, when we were filming in Times Square, it's like, obviously, it was. That was, like, the beginning. So it's like their suits are, like, brand new, and then you're. They're walking by the guys that are actually out there, and their suits are, like, hanging on by a thread. Like, there's, like, mud all over them for some reason. Like, where are you even finding mud?

[KFC]

You're in the middle of the concrete. How much do you think those guys could possibly make?

[Sass]

We were trying to think about. I mean, it's got to be. It's got to be decent enough.

[KFC]

I mean, there was a homeless guy who lived around Fordham. His name was Braids. And the New York Post once did a profile on him, and he said he made six figures. He said he made a hundred thousand dollars, like, just begging.

[Tommy]

Damn.

[KFC]

And it was. It was, like, in. Right next to a college campus. We saw him, like, every night. I would throw him a couple of bucks, and if you multiply that by a few hundred kids, like a night, you know, I was like, it's feasible, but, like, I can't imagine that. But I don't know. The Times Square thing is also, like, you know, there's 50, 000 Chinese tourists who go through there, and it's like, they'll all throw you a buck.

[Tommy]

Like I was gonna say for the Fordham guy, like, that was a time when cash was king.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Nowadays it's not, but tourists are traveling with money, so, like, maybe if that's who your. Your demo is, there was that.

[KFC]

I mean, I remember blogging like a con. I was, like, working the Times Square beat almost, when I was a blogger, because there was. There was anti Semitic. Selma was a big thing. Elmo was like. He got caught, like, throwing slurs at people. Swastika or something.

[Sass]

This was an Elmo in Times Square.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

And it was like a, like, again, the post was like, writing about him. It was anti Semitic. Elmo was a, was a thing.

[Roan]

Was he going two Times Square to, like, get his anti Semitic takes off or, like.

[KFC]

I think he just was an Elmo. Let him slip and he, like. Yeah, just started to let it fly. And then there. But then there was, like, turf wars and, like, there's a whole, like, world to that. I, I thought Naked Cowboy is like a little business, you know, but that's a little different than just being like a scumbag, like, illegal immigrant who's just.

[Sass]

Like, wearing an elbow hat, you know?

[Tommy]

I mean, I, I, I thought. I was more nervous about that to start. Like, I thought there would be, like, little gangs and clicks and stuff like that. And we were only there two days. I think three days. And it, it wasn't, it wasn't bad. They were, they would yell at us. But it was in Spanish. It doesn't count. Yeah. They would say something about putting on our heads. I think.

[KFC]

Character, bro, you can't break.

[Sass]

I mean, I guess if you think about it, like, the, the way that goes, those guys make money is if you take a photo with them, you know, people, you're supposed to, like, tip them or pay them.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I mean, if you think about how many people have asked you guys for photos, they probably are making decent money.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I mean, I don't think it's six figures, but I think they're probably, like, livable money.

[KFC]

Right.

[Tommy]

It's so funny, too, every time someone asks us to, because, like, we're walking around, we're not always shooting, but we're always in costume. And people ask, take pictures. And I'm always like, I guess yesterday someone did it. And I was like, how are you having attitude? I was going to say, you're walking around demanding attention and people are giving it to you. Yeah. Yeah. Why can't you just leave me alone?

[KFC]

My Cookie monster.

[Tommy]

This is clearly a prison of your own building. Fucking smile and take the picture.

[KFC]

I do get a kick out of, like, I'll see Tommy come to work, and he's, like, got his, like, laptop bag, and then like, his, like. This is just your work attire. Yeah.

[Sass]

Someone asked him for a photo on the subway. Put the helmet on.

[Tommy]

But, like, when we're walking around with the helmets, we have, like, all our stuff stuffed in them. Like, they're, they're essentially a purse. They're like, yeah, there's tons of stuff stuffed in it. And when the person on the train asked Tommy, take a picture. He just didn't take any of the stuff out. He just didn't see anything.

[Roan]

Has anybody ever offered to pay you? You guys?

[Tommy]

No.

[KFC]

Yeah, I think that's also part of the gig is you. Those guys are so pushy that they'll be like, yeah, money. Now get scared or you give it to them. Somebody. I feel like recently you were talking about taking pictures and somebody thought that you meant like taking pictures as you like a Barcel personality. And it was like, no, no, no, it's. They want, they want the like you.

[Tommy]

Can put the head on.

[KFC]

Oh, you're a big fan of the podcast.

[Tommy]

I don't know who you are.

[KFC]

Put the helmet on though.

[Tommy]

We have had some interesting people recog us as fans.

[Sass]

Like some very odd encounters in. It's been only in Washington Square park, which I don't know if it's cuz like NYU's around there or what, but like like not the demographic at all really. Like, like, like overweight like middle aged lesbians. Coming up being like, I love barstool. Get the out of here. We, I mean we had the one lady that came up and was like, she's like, I'm not hitting on you, don't worry. Or said to someone, she's like, not. I didn't, I didn't hear that part. She's like, I'm not hitting on you. Don't worry. I'm a. I actually like a lesbian as of recent.

[KFC]

She's like, I.

[Sass]

She was like, I have no tolerance for men. And then she was like, Dave is the man.

[Tommy]

Like what?

[KFC]

You could not get more like prototypical men than everybody.

[Tommy]

So sick of men. Toxic masculinity. That Portnoy guy legend.

[Sass]

That's like genuinely what happens.

[KFC]

And we were like, what the.

[Tommy]

And then yesterday some like again like a bigger lady, older lady walking by with like two Bergdorf Goodman bags was like, I love barstool.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

What?

[KFC]

Dude, that is wild guy.

[Roan]

That was like, barstool ruined my life. Barstool ruined my life.

[Tommy]

Yeah, but then.

[Roan]

But we really want to be asked about it. But we were just.

[Tommy]

Were you still there when he came up to us later?

[Roan]

What?

[Tommy]

Were you still there when he came out to us?

[Roan]

Oh no. What do you say?

[Tommy]

So he came back up to us. He, he had. He's like, I think he's an NYU kid and he like asked me and Tommy to do like a video where we like we tried a, an energy drink which was a weird thing. Like he didn't ask us any questions. He, you know, it was like a tick tocks type setup where he had a producer and. But they didn't ask us any, like, questions. He's like, you want to try this? And you guys did this? I. I put my tongue in the hole and didn't try it. But Tommy drank it.

[KFC]

But he just. So he just, like, used you guys for, like, a promo? Basically.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And I could totally see you getting bullied.

[Tommy]

Of course I did. Hey, someone asked me to do it.

[KFC]

Put this, like, hold this brand. Like, endorse it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Say that you use it and tell people to go buy it.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Sass]

No fights. Did do like a full. Like, he pretty much did a read after he drank. Was like, conditions apply.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I watched it and I immediately was like. He just locked into, like, ad reading. Like, he drank it and he was like. He was like 100 clean. Caffeine, too.

[KFC]

It's wrong with you.

[Sass]

Available online, dude, I swear, you could. You could ask.

[KFC]

But to do anything, he would just do it. He would just do it.

[Tommy]

Why wouldn't I do it?

[Sass]

It was funny, too, because he took a. Like, it looked like Feidalberg drank the entire thing.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And he didn't drink any of it. And Tommy actually drank out. He was like, well, what did I just drink?

[Tommy]

But anyway, the reason I say that is because it was the same kid who came back. Some kid who had, like, told Jackie and Megan. They were, like, pretending to be tick tockers. And he was like, no, I don't do barstool. You guys canceled me. Ruined my life. And then when he came back, he was like, ainsley, the old intern. He mentioned her. She mentioned him in a tick tock or something. I was like, no one canceled you?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

That's crazy.

[Tommy]

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[KFC]

I just got a text right now that saying that Dave's on cnn. Oh yeah, yeah, really interesting. I I It's funny how much, how.

[Tommy]

Much stock market plumbing it'll do that.

[KFC]

It's funny how much people use him and like other people in general, they're just like, you know, look, look, everyone's turning on Trump and they'll have like a clip of Dave being like, in the beginning being like, I voted for Trump. And then it cuts to him today being like, Trump's fucking ruining the economy right now. And it's, It's. I don't know, it's just crazy that it's like, yeah, you can change your mind or like, you know what I mean? Like, I voted for someone and now they're doing something insane.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tommy]

To be fair, it is the thing he said he was gonna do, so.

[KFC]

That was a lot.

[Tommy]

Just exactly what he said he was gonna do.

[KFC]

A lot of the. Those videos I'm talking about were like, you know, it's funny watching people freak out about, like, exactly what he stood for and said he was going to do.

[Tommy]

Yeah. You got to give him credit. He just said what he was going to do, and he's doing it.

[KFC]

People always wanted more action in Washington.

[Tommy]

You got it, dude.

[Roan]

I feel like this is a win for the lesbian woman who likes.

[Sass]

Oh.

[KFC]

I, I. The, the. I mean, I, I obviously don't know anything about. Oh, here you go. Marshall founder on Trump Terrorist stock market volatility. He's always said he was like, I'll go on cnn. They just never invite me. But now I think they see their. Yeah, just watches himself dunking all day long. Did you see that little, like, little blip on the Internet with Hubs his girlfriend?

[Sass]

No.

[KFC]

Hobbs's girlfriend thought that he. That Hubs could dunk.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And was like, when did you first dunk?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

What are you talking about? And then we kind of discovered that, like, girls everywhere think that guys can just dunk.

[Sass]

Yeah. No. I don't even know if I could touch. I could probably touch the net.

[KFC]

I actually just saw a clip the other day of you guys when you were doing that, like. Oh, crazy basketball thing, whatever that was.

[Tommy]

That was funny.

[KFC]

You had your shaved head.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

You look like, Like American history exercises. If I ran into Sassy's looking like that, I would not with that.

[Sass]

Yeah. I thought about going back to the buzz recently, but I don't. I would never go that short again, dude.

[KFC]

Buzz lighty. So great, though.

[Sass]

So, dude, you shower and you get out of there. Oh, you get out of the amazing. You get out of the shower and your hair is just. It's not wet at all.

[KFC]

It's like.

[Sass]

It's waterproof.

[KFC]

Yeah, dude. I mean, I looked terrible with it. Looking back on it, it's crazy how much when you're in. In the moment of something, whether you're dressing Looking, whatever.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

You don't realize it, but I. I look terrible with it, but I used to.

[Roan]

When did you have a Buzz?

[KFC]

Like, oh, eight to like 10 or 11. Damn. Yeah. So when I first started barstool, I pretty much had like. Yeah.

[Sass]

Did you. Did you buzz it? Like, a lot? Like, you kept buzzing?

[KFC]

Yeah, because I love that, like, feeling of like, nothing on your ears, nothing to comb, and just. I was living with a bunch of guys who, who, like, they just shaved their own heads. And I was always the sucker going out to get a haircut. They're always like, you want a loser? And I was like, let me give this a whirl. And I was like, getting a haircut by a professional.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

But I. Once I got that feeling of like. I was like, oh, yeah. I used to give it like a one. One time I went like, really low, though, like, skin.

[Sass]

That was what I did. That's why I up. Because I did a one and. And it was like, it was good. I was like, oh, this actually doesn't look that bad. And then I was like, I had to clean up the front. And I was using just some random razor that we had. It was like, Owens, he uses it because he used to shave his head too. And. And I went back over, like, the front. I was like, I'm gonna clean up the front. And it was at zero. And so I had like, the. And I didn't shave the rest of it. So just the front of my head was completely, like, like, literally bald. I don't know if I have photos on my phone, but, like, if I go back to like the old photos, like when I write when I first did it, like.

[KFC]

No, that's real.

[Sass]

Like that. Like, go to the. One of the podcasts that's like that.

[KFC]

Holy. See, that's what I mean. I would not with that guy. That's a guy who's got a swastika tattooed on his chest. That was like days later.

[Sass]

That was like, right after I did it, bro.

[KFC]

You look like Lex Luthor or some.

[Sass]

You look like a villain.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I think you look good.

[Sass]

I went fully bald.

[KFC]

That picture is hilarious. That. But that's. That's a real picture. While you were like, mid shaving.

[Sass]

Yeah. But it got like, obviously, as you can see, is I it up after that.

[KFC]

And it got way shorter last time.

[Tommy]

I ever go to super.

[KFC]

Yeah. Did you ever shave your head fights?

[Tommy]

No, I think this is the year. Yeah, I think so.

[KFC]

You're going to shave it?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

For.

[KFC]

For content or something or just for fun?

[Tommy]

I don't know. I. I've been. I've been. I've been flirting with it for years. I think this is the. Or get off the pot here. I either have to do or I have to stop talking about it.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Yeah. I didn't really even know you're talking about it.

[Tommy]

I. I like, occasionally mention it. Like, I'd like to shave my head one day.

[KFC]

You ever shave your head past for the look?

[Tommy]

I shave my head every single day.

[KFC]

Up until seventh grade.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Damn.

[KFC]

After that. You ever shave your head? Yeah.

[Roan]

Did I ever say that? No. I have. Like, the lumpiest you've ever seen? Yeah. Yeah. It's like kind of like I. When I was in kindergarten.

[KFC]

Big, like, lump.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

For some reason, when I was in kindergarten, I, like, it was like my thing to wear, like, 25 headbands at one point, and then I got. Then I got, like, a really bad bald spot and then started squeezing my head in a weird way where, like, it, like, I kind of, like, was binding my own head, so. Yeah.

[KFC]

Oh, wow.

[Sass]

You got, like, the gamer headset.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Why were you doing that?

[Roan]

I don't know. I thought it was like my.

[KFC]

You were legit wearing multiple headbands?

[Roan]

Yeah, because I started with, like, one, and then, like, some other girls started wearing headbands. So I was like, it. I'm going to. And then just kind of built up. And then at one point.

[KFC]

Legit. How many were we wearing at one time?

[Roan]

It was. Because it was a pack of 25. And then I was literally wearing the whole.

[KFC]

I thought that was an exaggeration.

[Roan]

You were wearing 25 heads. They were like the thin headbands. And so What?

[KFC]

When there's 25 of them, that's got to be like.

[Roan]

Maybe it was a fast video.

[Sass]

Splatters on the wall of, like, a kindergarten.

[KFC]

She puts one more on.

[Roan]

And just like, I remember having the whole packing up. I'm like, it. I'm putting all the.

[KFC]

I mean, if it's any more than like. Like, five would be like, the max. Anything above that is crazy town.

[Roan]

It was. It was like a jarring amount and. And everyone would ask me about it every day. But then I started, like, liking the attention of it, so it just kept adding. And then I got a bald.

[KFC]

Can you show me what kind of. What we're talking about? Are you talking about, like. Like a. Like a plasticky one that's like an arch or, like. Or like a rubber? Like a stretchy.

[Roan]

Like a stretchy one, but they're thin.

[KFC]

Then 25 headbands is bonkers. Like I say that probably your mom was never like. Like, you weren't doing those things right. Those original.

[Roan]

No, no. There were the people that. Like that probably maybe a little thinner than that. Yeah.

[KFC]

I remember when those kind of like became hot in the streets. It was almost like a bra strap, but on your head.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[KFC]

And you have 25 of those. Yeah. No wonder your head's a melon.

[Roan]

Like, it was not worth it for. For the lumpita.

[KFC]

So a bald spot and a lumpy head. And then your mom eventually was like, you gotta stop this. Or you. You like, who. Who put an end to this madness?

[Roan]

Well, yeah, like, my whole family was like, you have a. Like, you look like your grandpa. I had like the grandpa, like, bald spot. I was like, that's easy. But I was like, the only way to cover it up is like with more headbands.

[Tommy]

27, 28.

[Roan]

And they're like, please stop it. With headbands.

[Tommy]

Jackie turned her head into like a shotgun style house. He's got normal looking on. But if she turns it aside, it's Stewie.

[KFC]

Well, there's. I mean, when you're a baby, like, there's definitely babies that. You ever seen a baby who gets sucked out?

[Tommy]

I've seen like the help. Like the babies in helmets.

[KFC]

Well, when. When you're giving birth sometimes, like, and there's problems to get out, they put like a little, like a little plunger almost.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Kind of yank. Yeah. And that like, stretches you.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

So you're born with like a. Yeah.

[Sass]

Cone head. Yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

And then the other helmets. The helmets crack me up.

[Tommy]

They're very funny.

[KFC]

There's like a permanent little. Like I was in the hospital for like two weeks because my head was just massive.

[Tommy]

Really?

[KFC]

They said this kid has too big of a head. How big is your head now? Like, what size of your hat?

[Tommy]

I mean, I. I wear an eight.

[KFC]

An eight?

[Tommy]

Seven, seven and three.

[KFC]

Four.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

This right.

[KFC]

The one right below an eight. Yeah, I got seven. Seven, eight. Yeah, yeah. Big ass head.

[Tommy]

That's a big messy.

[Roan]

I know that, bro.

[KFC]

Put this hat on. If this.

[Tommy]

This is.

[KFC]

This is my stupid hat.

[Tommy]

This wrong. But I just.

[Sass]

If this fits you.

[KFC]

If this fits you, this is me.

[Tommy]

No, no, no.

[KFC]

Actually looks okay. You have a normal head.

[Tommy]

Yeah. You had normal head.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

That looks just as silly as I feel like it looks on me.

[Tommy]

Oh, really?

[Sass]

Yeah, it looks big.

[Tommy]

I'm just wearing big hats. I don't know.

[Sass]

I used to. I had a big Head when I was young, too. Yeah. Huge.

[KFC]

What are we talking?

[Sass]

I, I, My parents just always just tell me my head was massive when I was born, but I don't think it was. I didn't have to stay in the hospital.

[Roan]

Why'd you even have to stay in the hospital?

[KFC]

I wasn't hospitalized with a fat head.

[Tommy]

Like, this could be dangerous.

[KFC]

Like you might ever, like. They had to make sure that it got a little bit small. Being able to, like, just.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Your stability.

[KFC]

One of the first, like, milestones. Be able to keep your head up, you know?

[Roan]

Yeah, I guess that's.

[KFC]

It's a lot of weight on a little baby neck, you know, I was also.

[Sass]

I was born with, like, 12 fingers.

[Tommy]

What?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

For real?

[Sass]

Yeah, it's like a real thing.

[KFC]

They chopped them off.

[Sass]

Yeah. They're not like actual fingers.

[KFC]

They're little digits.

[Sass]

They're like.

[KFC]

You have, like, scars.

[Sass]

They're like. Yeah, yeah, you can see them.

[Roan]

Oh, my God.

[Tommy]

I didn't know you were born with 12 fingers.

[Sass]

Yeah. So, like, if you, like, kept them, to be honest.

[Tommy]

I know.

[Sass]

Well, they're so. They're like little. Just like nubs, pretty much. With a fingernail.

[Tommy]

Dude, my. My buddy's dog has them. Don't. He calls him Henry the girl. It's a dog. Girl, dog. Her name's Henry. And he's like, look at Henry's little jellies. Because they just kind of.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Don't call them your pinky.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

No, it's literally like that. It's exactly like that.

[KFC]

And I would cut those off myself.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, if a doctor. I would get some piano wire.

[Sass]

I thought it was, like, funny at first, and then I. My mom. Oh, wait, how.

[KFC]

So you had them, like.

[Sass]

No, no, I got them removed right away. So you saw them.

[KFC]

Got it, Got it.

[Sass]

And yeah, you know, they were disgusting, nasty. And dude, if I like symmetrical, kind of in the same spot. Yeah. If I, like, hit my finger hard here, it kills.

[KFC]

Well, yeah, because it's like the phantom pain.

[Sass]

Yes.

[KFC]

Where our digit used to be.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

You can really.

[Sass]

You can feel where it is. Feel right here.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Sass]

Like, right here.

[KFC]

Ew. There's a hole.

[Sass]

That's where it should be sticking out.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Wow. Six finger sad.

[Sass]

I think it's not that uncommon to be born with it. I think it's like, I mean, but.

[KFC]

Yeah, but it's a deformity.

[Sass]

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

[Roan]

But, like, if they just let him, let him grow, like, I don't think.

[Sass]

I think it would have just Been a massive inconvenience.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Banging them on things like you said. Like, like, like imagine. That hurts now. Yeah, you catch on.

[Sass]

Like a door or something. Rip it off accidentally.

[KFC]

What do you think? Let's say you meet a fella.

[Roan]

No, I can't.

[KFC]

You meet a guy six foot tall. Six, two. Great head of hair. Great job. Everything's all good. 12 fingers. Nubs.

[Sass]

Nah, 12 fingers.

[KFC]

Crazy.

[Tommy]

But there's a chance if they. Okay, so the nubs, I think actually worse.

[KFC]

I would rather have another finger. And then you just kind of like, nobody can tell.

[Sass]

Yeah, I'd rather have four fingers than have six. Four fingers. It's like. Oh, yeah, I got it.

[Tommy]

Like that's.

[KFC]

Is that what you have right there? That black guy?

[Sass]

Not to that extent. Not that.

[KFC]

Wasn't that big.

[Sass]

Much smaller.

[KFC]

Oh, that's terrible. That little split thumb thing. Four fingers versus six fingers. See, like that is. That's six figures. That doesn't look that crazy. The nubs are crazy. But just like the extra finger there, I can't imagine. Look at that. Look at that guy in the middle right there. That kid looks normal. No, no, down one. He looks normal.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[Roan]

Yeah. It also freaks me out when I see people with like deformed hands because I like my simulation theory. It looks like AI. Yeah, it's like.

[Sass]

Yeah, it is kind of.

[Tommy]

I got deformed hands. Probably that was a personal attack.

[KFC]

They're just sausage fingers.

[Roan]

In terms of like adept adaptation wise penguins, I just learned, like, they also, like, they eat rocks because they can't digest the food. And they also like huddle all winter because they're so cold. Like, they just shouldn't be living there.

[KFC]

It bothers me so much. They should just be like extinct.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[KFC]

How about the direwolves, by the way? Yeah, Pretty cool.

[Sass]

Yeah, I read about.

[KFC]

I didn't know direwolves were real.

[Sass]

Neither did I. I thought that was.

[KFC]

A Game of Thrones.

[Sass]

Yeah, they do, I guess. They're like, not actually dire wolves. They're like. It's genetically modified. Like a dog.

[KFC]

Genetically.

[Tommy]

It's.

[KFC]

It's genetically modified gray wolf.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And the. And they said domestic dogs, whatever that means. It was like a circuit or surrogate. Like they give birth, but they took a gray wolf and they tweaked it to be white.

[Tommy]

So it's like this sounds like when, like my buddy had a Siberian husky growing up and he's like, I have a wolf. Really?

[KFC]

I mean, I don't know about that. Yes, I know what you're Saying. But they, they said they used DNA from a skull and a something else to like, whoa, rank these things. Yeah, that's pretty legit.

[Tommy]

I mean, I feel like science, literally.

[KFC]

Of Jurassic park.

[Tommy]

Like, scientifically, it's cool, but, like, I, I, I, I don't know. I, they're gonna be really wolf.

[KFC]

Like, they're the company doing, they're, they wanted to do the woolly mammoth, remember? Yeah, that's been the news the last few years. It's the same company. They're doing woolly mammoth, the dodo, Tasmanian tiger and the direwolf are like their four things.

[Tommy]

Hell, yeah. It's a good year.

[Sass]

They should have started with the woolly mammoth.

[KFC]

Well, I think that was their first. That was, I think that's their, like, yeah, they made it.

[Roan]

Always talking about bringing back the woolly mammoth, though, and they never do it.

[KFC]

I think it's hard. It's got to be tough.

[Roan]

It's like flying.

[KFC]

When did the dodo go extinct?

[Roan]

Oh, I actually feel like I was alive for this. I remember the dodo going.

[Tommy]

I was saying, I feel like I was alive too.

[Roan]

I feel like that had to be in 2002. 2003.

[Tommy]

I, I would have guessed 90s.

[KFC]

What do you think?

[Sass]

Oh, I have no clue.

[KFC]

1920S, the 1600s.

[Tommy]

Really?

[KFC]

Yeah. Oh, I thought. But I was the opposite. I thought the dodo went extinct like, like thousands of years ago.

[Tommy]

Oh, I, I thought like, like it.

[KFC]

Was a phrase 2002, over here, when.

[Tommy]

We were younger, like, oh, it's like we talked about dodo, but it's almost like the Bermuda Triangle and quicksand. Like, you talked about it a lot as a kid.

[KFC]

I agree. But I never talked about them being alive. Did you?

[Tommy]

I thought, I thought it was.

[KFC]

The thing about the dodo is that it's extinct.

[Tommy]

Oh. But my, the phrase I always said, or at least the one that's a.

[KFC]

Condor or something like that, it was like birds.

[Roan]

I was thinking about the dodo.

[Tommy]

I was definitely thinking about dodo because, like, I, I remember either saying or hearing a lot the phrase, it's going the way of the dodo.

[KFC]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Which is, I agree with all going extinct, but I guess I just processed it as like, it is. In the process of going.

[KFC]

I thought this was like the woolly mammoth. Like, dodos were around like 10,000 years ago and died. It does look like a bird that, like, wouldn't make it.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, it looks like a, like a shitty, like, fat, dorky bird.

[Sass]

Yeah, it does.

[KFC]

Like, we're just gonna Eat you real quick.

[Sass]

Fights. You ever get. You ever get impacted by the piping.

[Tommy]

Plovers in the dunes?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah. Westport, Mass.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

They would close the beaches in the summer because the piping plovers were there. Some bird that was, like, being. It was, like, threatened.

[Tommy]

It was like, you couldn't go in the dunes, which sucked as a kid, because you're like, that's all I want to do is go in the dunes.

[Sass]

Well, it got to a point, like, at probably, like, 2010, where they just were closing the beaches in the summer because of these birds. And people were so mad.

[KFC]

People were like, listen.

[Sass]

To go kill them.

[KFC]

I don't want. I don't want anything to go extinct. You're ruining my beach time. We're gonna wipe you out, dude. I paid, like, you know, this is, like, my family vacation. I rented a house for a week, and I can't go because of these birds.

[Roan]

I just met somebody who, like, he was saying his parents were allergic to dogs and cats. So, like. So they got doves. When I was like, why was that?

[Sass]

The next I would just go, no, no animals.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's not the same at all. Someone who had a dog, really different.

[KFC]

I'm a firm believer in you. If you have any animal in your house other than a dog, a cat, and, like, I guess I'll count. You can have, like, an aquarium. You have fish. Yeah, but legit, I think, other than that.

[Sass]

No. Yeah.

[KFC]

I'm fully like, if you have any other rodents, you're a freak. I think if you have birds, you're a freak. If you have snakes, forget about it. You can get away with what?

[Roan]

Gerbil. You get away.

[KFC]

I mean, I. I guess you could be a kid. Yeah. If you're an adult, that's like, I have a hamster, guinea pig, or gerbil.

[Sass]

Yeah, that's.

[KFC]

That's crazy.

[Sass]

Come over and see my rat.

[KFC]

Or, like, the. Like, the ferret people. Yeah, like, the bunch of total white trash. Like, every time. There's no normal people with the ferret.

[Sass]

I don't even really with people in New York who have, like, big dogs.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

That pisses me off. I'm always like, people are always walking down my street with, like, a husky. They're like, dude, that dog is like, you're torturing that.

[KFC]

Actually, though, I feel like the big dogs are the ones that just, like, chill on the couch, right? Yeah.

[Sass]

But, like, dogs like that want to be out in the cold.

[KFC]

Yeah, that's.

[Sass]

And, like, run around. They don't want to be in a. Either in an apartment in New York that a radiator is literally putting fire.

[KFC]

Like, this poor dog has to go.

[Sass]

Like an elevator every day.

[KFC]

Like, that's not what a dog. Like, I feel like there are entirely too many people who get dogs. Like, it should not be. If you are, like, single and living in a tiny apartment, like, that just should not be on the table for you.

[Tommy]

Right, Right.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[KFC]

It's just like, you know, once you have a backyard, a house, some kids, like, you're gonna go on walks, like, then you can get a dog. These people who are like, I'm out all the time. I'm working all the time at party, I'm like, I can't provide for it. Like, I'm gonna get a dog. What?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Just.

[Sass]

It's not a lot of people that are re. Re. Housing their dogs.

[KFC]

Yeah, right. Right.

[Sass]

That's got to be the ultimate move of shame game.

[Tommy]

I've done it. Yeah.

[KFC]

Does it feel bad?

[Tommy]

It feels pretty bad.

[KFC]

Yeah. Yeah. It is the right thing.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

It's better than being a bad owner. But to be like, I cannot do this. Take it away.

[Sass]

I would never.

[KFC]

Rehab.

[Sass]

I would. Dude, I had that thing go before I rehouse.

[Tommy]

It.

[KFC]

Fell out the window. What was this?

[Tommy]

When I went to. When I moved to fsu, like, my first year at fsu, I didn't know anybody. I was like, okay, you got a dog in college.

[KFC]

This is what I mean.

[Sass]

Like.

[KFC]

Like, there should be she and. And. And. And puppy stores. Whatever they say, you're just a solo college kid. You're not allowed.

[Tommy]

I. I had just driven down from Massachusetts to Florida. I was there for, like, a week. I decided, I'm gonna get a dog. I had the dog in an hour. Put up a couple more obstacles for me.

[KFC]

I'll get you a dog and a.

[Tommy]

Gun by 2pm I'm 17 years old, just drove across country. Don't give me a dog. Yeah, and then I had a dog for, like. Like a week, and it everywhere, and it destroyed the apartment. My roommate, who I didn't even know, was like, you. You can't. If this is it, you can't have a dog. That's pretty fake.

[KFC]

Was it on campus?

[Tommy]

No, this is Villa Cortez. This is the apartment I got robbed in. Yeah. Lucy. No, Lola was her name. Yeah.

[KFC]

That's tough. Remember when Lena Dunham gave her dog back?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

It was like.

[Tommy]

But she had it for, like, 10 years.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I had it for, like, under a week.

[KFC]

That's great. It was. It was a crazy move. Move. But people did, like, shame the out.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I mean, but if you're also, like, if you're that, like, rich, just get someone to take care.

[KFC]

That's what I thought was weird. Just from a PR point of view, like, don't take this hit. Just be like, yeah, you, you run. You take care of this dog.

[Sass]

Give it to a family member.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

Just anything there's not a million dollars. And the dog, it's 10 years old. Take care of it for 11 more months.

[Tommy]

10 years might be an exaggeration, but it was establishes, like, this is my dog.

[KFC]

This thing's gonna die soon anyway. Just let it happen with you, Dude. Did you hear Bert's story when he came on Casey Radio last week?

[Sass]

I don't think. Oh, which one, bro?

[KFC]

He. That. That phrase is truly. It takes a lot. I mean, we've been doing podcasts forever now, and we've had a lot of guests and heard a lot of stories. It takes a lot for me to, like, be moved by something. He was like, we had a dog named. Was it. He's like, we had a dog Arfer. And he, like, explains a couple things about it. And then he was just like, I'm pretty convinced that my dad killed that.

[Sass]

Dog with a baseball bat.

[KFC]

And I, like, I lost it, dude. I did not expect the phrase killed that dog with a baseball bat to.

[Sass]

Come out of his mouth.

[KFC]

He called his sister. They were like, yeah. There was this time that, like, he was hosing down the patio. Everywhere he was covered, like, his hands were bloody. I was like, my God.

[Tommy]

Killed that dog. Killed it messy, too. Put it out of its misery.

[KFC]

You put up a fight. There really is something, like, I, I, I would consider myself a dog person until, like, the world was taken over by dogs. And I'm like, okay, you guys are freaks. You guys are absolute freaks. And there really is something that, that, like, switches a little bit, at least for me, when I had kids, where I was like, I like dogs.

[Sass]

But, like, yeah, it's like, Tom Segura.

[KFC]

Had that old bit about, yeah. And, and, and it really kind of puts things in perspective once you, like, make that switch where you're like, I don't know, man. Whatever. It's just, Dog wizard dies.

[Sass]

I like him.

[Tommy]

I don't want anything bad. It's like, like, yeah, I'll. I'll survive. I'll be sad for a little bit, and then I'll get over.

[KFC]

I mean, I guess if you're one of those dog people, who really means everything. Dude. Yeah. Duncan is, you know, up there in age now. I think he's 12 or something. Yeah, but he's like aging not so gracefully, you know. He's one of those dogs to get like the lumps.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah.

[Sass]

My dog's got warts and stuff.

[KFC]

It's like, I don't even like to pet you now. Touching things.

[Tommy]

I actually weirdly ended up started liking him with Maisie.

[KFC]

Really?

[Tommy]

Where I was like, I'd like just grab her.

[KFC]

Like a wart on his eye and his teeth are rotten and bad breath. It's like head is weird shaped. Got 25 headbands on.

[Sass]

He's just.

[KFC]

It's just like a. Oh, Duncan. And my mom's always like, so like she went to the vet and she was like, it's good news.

[Tommy]

He's fine.

[KFC]

You're going to live another five years.

[Sass]

Yeah, dogs like that live forever too. He's probably got like eight more years in it.

[KFC]

Yeah, right. Oh, my God. I saw there was some. Some something on Instagram that it was like the longest cat ever. I think it was 38 years. Damn. Imagine having a same pet for 38 years. At least cats, though, like for 32 of those years. Probably didn't see it.

[Tommy]

Yeah, it was just like, you know.

[KFC]

Hide it somewhere in the attic or some.

[Tommy]

If you haven't seen the trailer for Warfare, it is out now. The movie is coming out this weekend. It looks awesome. It's a 24. It's Alex Garland, Alice Garland, if you don't know him. Civil War, which you do with a 24. That. That one I actually didn't really like in theaters and have since really liked it at home. Alex Garland also did Ex Machina, a couple others, but he's unbelievable. He's great, but he and Iraq war veteran Ray Mendoza did Warfare. Okay. It's a visceral boots on the ground story. Embeds the audience with Navy SEALs stationed in Iraq in an apartment building, just trying to get out, trying to survive. If you like my movie recommendations, it is right up my alley. It looks awesome. It is an IMAX and theaters everywhere. April 11th. Get tickets now. Great cast as well. I believe Michael Gandolfini is in it. God, there are a couple other people, but I forget. But it's in in theaters everywhere. April 11th. Looks great. Looks like a. Just an awesome, awesome war movie. Which does feel weird to say to be entertained by it, but I am and it looks like it's gonna entertain me. So go check it out. In theaters now. Or in theaters. In theaters April 11th. Tune into the mini golf finals in Chicago. They are sponsored by hey dude. They've also already happened. As you were listening to this. They are happening at this moment, I believe maybe in a few moments. So I don't know who's won, but they definitely have already happened. From warming up on the range to sinking putts on the green or just kicking back at the clubhouse. The nude. The new hey Dude. Wendy and Wally golf style shoes. Have you covered? They are designed with a grippy lugged rubber outsole golf inspired features and hey Dudes signature lightweight comfort. These shoes bring you effortless style to every swing. I know golfers are always on about the shoes. Hey dude's always on about the shoes. What a match made in heaven. Hey Dude. Golf styles drop [e-mail] in May. Which has not happened quite yet. The opposite of the golf championship mini golf finals, but hey dude. Golf styles drop exclusively on heydude.com golf in May. So get ready for that. Be comfy in the clubhouse. I had a question before we get wrap up. Can we do, can we do a little tax talk?

[KFC]

Tax talk?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Okay.

[KFC]

Oh, about you and your w, your taxes.

[Tommy]

I just, it's not even mine specifically. Why am I involved in this process? I, I. Why, why am I, why are you even talking to me?

[KFC]

I'll play devil's advocate because I'm with you on this, but I think it's like so you, they don't rob you, you know what I mean? Like, they could theoretically if you were just like not involved at all.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, but they do.

[KFC]

I do a guy who, every two.

[Tommy]

Weeks, they take my, they take it. Why, why am I involved now?

[KFC]

Well, I 51 understand when, when you owe or receive money. Why, why get it right. Yeah, here's how. Here's my money, here's my state, here's my dependence. Take the right amount out and don't it up.

[Tommy]

Yes.

[Sass]

Yeah. It's like, why the whole tax return thing is a little bit weird.

[KFC]

Like I used to always get money. I was always like, hey, it's tax season. I'm gonna get like 2 grand. I have this is, I don't know, taxes this year, first time ever. But it's because I also had these guys tell me you have to pay like every couple months. I was paying.

[Sass]

Yeah. Like installments.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah. It's like you prepay or whatever. And, and, and so I'm like, oh, I don't owe money. It's like, well, you just paid It. Yeah, it's like, why is it. What comes out of my paycheck should just be.

[Tommy]

It. Just take what. Honest to God, I'm. I'm an easy tax person. I'm not a tax whiner. Just take what you want.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Give me my money and we'll be done with it.

[KFC]

I know a guy who. One of my. My uncles. Like, he. I think you can elect to not have any wages taken out and then you just pay everything at the end. But he was like. He managed his own money and, like. Like, did all that. So he was like, I'd rather have all the money and I can invest it and do what I want with it, and then I pay everything at the end. But you have to, like, stay on top of your. You know.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

So I think you're involved because you could do those sort of things if you want. But for the average person who doesn't want any pro, like, I don't want anything to do with this. Just don't. Right.

[Tommy]

I didn't even know until, like, yesterday I realized it was tax season. And because my account. My accountant fired me. She just didn't call me this year. Yeah. We've had a tumultuous relationship. It hasn't been great much.

[KFC]

Like, all of John's female relationships, she, like.

[Tommy]

She just outright didn't like me and, like, didn't respect me and, like, didn't. And it's like, I wouldn't want to talk to her because, like, she was gonna be mean to me. Yeah.

[KFC]

Do you think. You think that it was kind of like a, like, you know, like. Like dating, though? It's kind of like, oh, you don't want me. Like, you don't. You always want what you can't have sort of thing.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, you did call her up last year. Like, please take me back.

[Tommy]

I did last year. I had to beg her, please take me. She's like, all right, fine, but. Because you're a good client. But, like, don't be an. I'm not an. Just tell me what you need from me and I'll give it to you.

[KFC]

Like, this needs to be a better system.

[Sass]

Well, because in some countries, don't they just. They just send you a letter in the mail and they're like, this is how much you owe.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's how it should be. Or don't even tell me. Just take it from me. When you're taking all the other money.

[KFC]

If you are taking. If you're garnishing wages for taxes, just get it right yeah.

[Tommy]

And I know like complaining about taxes isn't anything original or new, but like.

[KFC]

You'Re not complaining about like, like you're like I'm willing to pay the mechanism that we use. Yeah. John is the most pro tax guy. It's so it's crazy that people are anti tax.

[Sass]

It's.

[KFC]

It's not. When you, when if my money, if I felt like all my money was going to like schools and roads and like infrastructure. But I don't think that's the case.

[Tommy]

No.

[KFC]

A lot of people lying in their pockets.

[Tommy]

70 is going to Medicaid, Social Security, Defense and military spending. That or. Right.

[KFC]

But I'm saying even beyond that I also then think that there are.

[Tommy]

But then after that like pockets I can afford dinner. So. Yeah. Buy the kids some books, you know, like.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tommy]

Like what?

[KFC]

Like.

[Tommy]

Sure, yeah. Take someone help the kids out, build a park for them.

[KFC]

Well, I'll say this. If, if we're going to be doing this crazy tariff, you better get rid of the taxes.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

That was the whole thing, right. It was like we're gonna like make all the rest of the world pay for it. It's like, well if I'm paying the taxes and the tariffs. Well now, now what the are we doing? I. I don't know enough about that, but it's like you can't just snap your fingers and put in place if there's no like factories and manufacturing in America.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I, I do agree with the idea that like if America was self sufficient and not relying upon China, like that would be a good thing. Like in order to do that you need manufacturing and distribution and all that in America. You'd have to, you, you have to be planning for this for like 5 years. Start building all the factories and now. And then you do this. You can't. All these small businesses are like we can't do it. Yeah, it's not possible. They just said that that three, three.

[Tommy]

Times was that the cost of shoes.

[KFC]

Is going to triple because this from China.

[Sass]

I saw that. Like yeah. Didn't I think Nike moved a bunch of their to Vietnam and like Apple. I think it was fluid.

[Tommy]

Five planes. Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

That's awesome.

[Sass]

Multiple planes just filled with iPhones.

[KFC]

We're not importing. We're not importing. We're just flying them here. Yeah, yeah, like that. I mean you literally have like drug runners. They're just, they're smuggling iPhones.

[Sass]

Literally.

[KFC]

Crazy. But anyway, the taxes are.

[Roan]

Last year I like up my taxes where I was paying like California taxes and New York taxes. And then it was like, all of my money.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I became, like, really Republican for, like, three days.

[Tommy]

Fuck this. This is fucked.

[Roan]

But then I realized then they get my back, which. It's like when they come back with the actual number, it's like, it feels like a math equation that, like, I'm getting, like, a test that, like, I got something wrong. Like, if you know the actual number.

[Tommy]

Just tell me the number.

[KFC]

It's like, there should just be. You're in this bracket, it's this percentage. I understand if you get, like, a bonus, you make extra money at the end of the year, all these other incomes. But if it's just I have one job and there's the paycheck. Like, get it right, dude.

[Tommy]

The my.

[Sass]

Is.

[KFC]

Is it.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Why is that?

[Sass]

Because stand up, you get. Oh, yeah, right.

[KFC]

So you're in every different state.

[Sass]

Everybody have to pay tax. I had to pay taxes in, like, 20 different states, dude.

[KFC]

That was, that's enough for me to just be like, I'm not doing this.

[Sass]

Mine got so fucked that it went, it lasted until November. And then I got an email when I was home for Thanksgiving from HR at Barstool saying that the IRS contacted them and said to freeze. Spend my paychecks. Yeah. Until I paid, like, a certain. And then I paid it, like, on the spot.

[KFC]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sass]

But it was like a, it was like, there was a lot building up to that. It was.

[KFC]

I'm always. My thing is always like, like, we'll do a live show, right? We get like 10 grand or something like that. I'm like, like, that's not enough for the IRS to care, is it? Right. They will track down every penny.

[Tommy]

That's what. So again, in my taxes, I've, I've been discovering, I learned what, like, like, you turn into a Republican, you say, Right. Like, I know Republicans always talk about taxes, taxes, taxes. I learned. I, I, I looked at Trump's tax plan. Do you know how much people are saving in taxes? Like, what the top 5% save?

[KFC]

Oh, yeah. They don't pay. What do you mean saving in taxes?

[Tommy]

Like, not like, like so versus Kamala's taxpayer, but I believe. Or at least the tax plan that was in place. So maybe it was either Biden's or commas. I'm not sure. But there's been. For the top 5% or top 4%, there's been one change, and then for the top 1%, there's been a change. Top 1% is saving 30 grand a year. Top 4%, after that save 7, 200. And I was like, wait, that's the word?

[KFC]

Like, yeah, that's.

[Tommy]

The richest people in the world are freaking out about five grand. Seven grand. What the Are we talking about?

[KFC]

I know, but it's got to be more than. Than.

[Sass]

There's definitely. It's definitely more than that.

[KFC]

Yeah, I feel like that's a lot. Pull up Trump's tax plan.

[Tommy]

This is crazy that this is where we're at in the podcast. Trump's tax plan. Real quick.

[KFC]

What I don't. Like, like, like, I, I, When I was talking about the tariffs, I was like, go to.

[Tommy]

Just go to images.

[KFC]

I said something like, I'm not an expert here, but like this.

[Sass]

Oh, I have no idea what. I have no idea any of this.

[Tommy]

But like that. 70, 71, 60 for the top.

[Sass]

Like, what is that on average? Or is that a person that's got to be per.

[KFC]

Because, you know, it's, it's when you have like a.

[Tommy]

We're talking about annual savings of half a bet what most of this company does.

[KFC]

So if you're making 900 grand, you save 30 grand. I mean, I guess, though, when you start. I don't make. But also I make 9 million. I'm now saving, you know, 3, 600. You know what I mean?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

But then why is for like looking for the next 4% where it's like, so you think, I don't know, we're not gonna figure this out?

[KFC]

So, yeah.

[Tommy]

Started asking question. We're not gonna.

[KFC]

All I know is that rich people really hate taxes. And I don't think it's because it's 30.

[Sass]

I don't think it is either. I think that's like a. I thought.

[Tommy]

We were talking about like hundreds of thousands of dollars, and I saw this.

[Sass]

I was like, I think it's like millions.

[KFC]

Yeah. I think there's levels where you, you are making, you know, where it is that big of a difference.

[Sass]

The 1099 is like, you get all of your. So, like, I don't get taxed, right?

[KFC]

You get everything up front.

[Sass]

I get everything.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And then at the end of the year, you owe, like, what so much?

[KFC]

Like if you were paying every two weeks.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Every, you know, your paycheck. I know that's where, like, you gotta, like, manage your. You can get in trouble.

[Sass]

Oh, yeah. Big time.

[KFC]

It's like, oh, I spent that on a car. It's like, well, yeah, you still owe that. Yeah.

[Sass]

Like, I, I can't even imagine what like, like what I owe, like, the big Guys like Bert, when you have.

[KFC]

Like a hundred million dollar year, like.

[Sass]

It literally must be like they owe.

[KFC]

Like, like 20 million bucks. Yeah, I'm sure they, I'm sure there's.

[Sass]

Some sort of difference.

[Tommy]

They pay like Cuban. Cuban tweeted that last year. Cuban's like, I just wrote my check for $140 million or something like that. But he had, he has $500 million to write that check.

[KFC]

I know, but there, I feel like there is still just some level once you've been rich for like 30 years maybe. But like if, if you went from poor to rich to then like rich to like mega rich, it's writing a check for a hundred million dollars that just goes away. I think is still takes some adjusting to get used to.

[Tommy]

I'm sure it takes adjustments. Like, don't you feel. You have to feel good about it?

[KFC]

You're like, I made this much.

[Tommy]

I made this much. I'm so rich.

[KFC]

I understand where you're coming from. I don't feel like people feel good about it. Give $100 million to a bunch of corrupt politicians.

[Tommy]

Yeah, but like, I don't know, like every time I pay taxes, I'm just like, that probably went somewhere. Like you don't know where it's going. Like, why are you assuming it's going somewhere evil?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

You can just choose to believe what.

[Sass]

You want to believe over the, the Even just million dollars. I'm going to start asking some questions.

[KFC]

It's also, when you, when you hear that it's like our military budget was 21 trillion, I'm like, I think I know where that's coming from.

[Tommy]

Yeah. But guess what? It's not us. It's not like it's $21 trillion.

[KFC]

They're not rel. You're like, what the.

[Sass]

That's definitely true.

[KFC]

I would just, I just think this, this, the getting in a little tariff war with China, when they have all the factories and manufacturing seems like a bad idea.

[Sass]

Yeah, it's tough.

[KFC]

Like we're going to charge you 100% of nothing. Cuz you don't. We don't. Okay, we're going to charge you 80% on everything in your world. That doesn't sound like a good idea. I also, what I hate the most is like coming into this. I know, I know he did run on like, like he said this, but like prior to Trump, no Republican, no normal Republican would say that part of their political ideology is 80 tariffs. Everybody would have been like, that's, that's silly. That's stupid. But now Trump decides to do it, and they just adopt it. They just automatically are cool with it. And you know what I mean? It's like, you can't question anything this guy does. Like, what is it? What would it take for somebody to be like, this is a bad idea?

[Sass]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[KFC]

Because it's like, like, if you can't question this, like, at least question. I don't know if this is a good idea. Maybe, maybe, maybe it works out. But right now, it's a little precarious. Probably not a good idea to charge China 80%. And you're like, oh, you don't know what you're talking about.

[Sass]

I think that's a pretty basic idea.

[KFC]

To say this might be a bad idea.

[Sass]

Yeah, it's kind of like just the dick riders on both sides, right?

[KFC]

And they all. And put it this way, if it was flipped, if Kava came up with this, the Republicans would think this is crazy. So it's like, yeah, you know, how about you just look at actually what's happening?

[Roan]

But this is, like, completely off topic. But, I mean, it's just about, like, Republicans. One thing that I, like, think about once a week that I cringe at is I was in Vegas with, like, college people, and I always mess up open carry and, like, open, like, being.

[KFC]

Able to get that.

[Roan]

So, like, I was, like, around everyone. I was like, is it open carry? And they're like, no. I was like. And everyone was so weird around me after that. And then I, like, like, didn't realize. And then later, I was like, pretty much, I was like, can I bring my gun?

[Sass]

You're so mad.

[Tommy]

God damn it. Back to my room now.

[KFC]

Put away my Glock.

[Sass]

Going to somewhere that's open carry. Being from somewhere that isn't open carries.

[KFC]

Wild is wild down in Austin, which is at this point, like, you know, like a cookie cutter hipster city.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

But there are still signs that are like, you know, don't brandish your firearm. Words like that. That I'm just like, that's just a sign in your store. It's crazy.

[Sass]

One of my friends that moved out there got gun, and he said it would. He said no joke was easier than getting an iPhone.

[KFC]

He said.

[Sass]

He said he was in and out of the store in, like, 15 minutes.

[KFC]

People that love it crack me up. Did you see that guy? The. The viral video? The dude who got in a fight on the boat? This kid on the boat and spraying him? No, it was like. It was after. They're on a boat and this Guy went like whizzing by really fast, and then they were arguing afterwards. And this guy was like, he was, was the biggest heart. It was unbelievable. He was like, I'm on the water 300 days a year. I am the best charter captain you could even fathom.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And then he ended up. They pulled the boat up close and he stepped onto this guy's kid's boat. The kid's like, dude, I'm. Bro, I'm a kid. I'm a kid. Like, I'm sorry. And this guy's screaming at him and. And the Internet was saying, like, this is technically an act of piracy. You illegally. So he's facing felony charges. All this. But my point being, there was a lot of people really reacting, being like, like, oh, I wish this would happen to me. Like, I long for, like, the opportunity, someone to do this because, like, they would, you know, on the other end of my blah, blah, gun. And I'm like, you long for the.

[Tommy]

Day to shoot somebody?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

They're like, I just, you know, how come this doesn't happen to me? Like, I wish this would happen to me so I could kill. I just want to be.

[Tommy]

I want to be able to justifiably kill someone. I feel like, you know, soldiers going to war, like, this sucks. I have to kill somebody. And you're.

[Sass]

I always think about that you're on.

[Tommy]

The boat in Austin. Be like, man, please kill someone.

[KFC]

I hope someone boards my ship illegally.

[Sass]

Yeah. I always think about that with like, the, like, I'm not, I'm not like really pro or anti gun, but the people that are online that are like, like, they fantasize about like, home invasions. Yeah. And they'll like, they'll post a video of them shooting like a 500 Smith and West and Mac, like the strongest gun you've ever seen. It shoots bullets like this big. And they, they'll, they'll show a video of someone like, blowing up a watermelon. Be like, good luck trying to escape my house with this thing coming at your back. And it's like, realistically, it's like, dude, if someone broke into your house, you bring out that gun. It's obviously, it's good to have the gun, but, like, you're probably not gonna need to blow up that guy's head. Like, you probably could just call the cops and be like, hey, the guy ran out of my house when he saw my gun. He's running down this street.

[KFC]

No, they want to, they want, like.

[Sass]

It'S probably not going to be the Best thing, when that guy's brains are splattered all over your kids come downstairs.

[KFC]

And there's a headless body and you're like, well, he was in our house. Kids, well, they're still scarred for life, bro.

[Sass]

Dude, most of those gu. Like, I've watched those videos sometimes. Most of those guns, outside of like a 9 millimeter or like a 10 millimeter bullet, like your head will explode.

[KFC]

Close range in a house.

[Sass]

Like, they won't even know who, who the person was. You'll have to be like, did he have his wallet on him? Yeah, like, like, like if you shoot someone with one of those guns, like, it's not going to be a fun scenario. It's going to be like, we're going to have to go stay in the Marriott down the street for the next.

[KFC]

Six months, renovations done.

[Sass]

Because there's going to be a full investigation as to why this guy's eye is 20ft away from his body.

[KFC]

Oh, man. Dude, I would love. I want, I. I want sass. I need sass to get on like Rogan. I want to see sass. Go do the, you know when, when Rogan takes those guys to the technical, the tactical gun range and they, they hit. I want to see sass like that, goggles on, hitting all the targets. You and Rogan chopping.

[Sass]

I've been to gun ranges. Like I, I've been to. We went to one in. Me and Mook went to one in Phoenix. This was years ago. It was hilarious. Cuz we had. Neither of us had ever had ever been shooting and Mook had never even like used like an airsoft gun before.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Which I was shocked at how similar it is, really. Like, I had airsoft guns growing up and it's like, dude, it's the same. Take the magazine out the same way and you load it the exact same way.

[KFC]

And we've been teaching you this since you were a kid.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah, dude, I remember using it. Sorry, go.

[Sass]

No, you go.

[Tommy]

Yeah, the. Obviously I remember using an airsoft gun when I was a kid at my friend's house.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Where we were in his bedroom, second floor, shooting across a pool, trying to hit a coke can. And his dad was laying in to me.

[Sass]

Oh yeah.

[Tommy]

Being like, can't even shoot. I'll fight Swagger shot. I've never held a gun before.

[KFC]

You're like controlling your breath and like.

[Tommy]

Like, dude, like across the whole backyard. Like again, changing levels. We're talking about a Coke can, not a target.

[KFC]

Golf, sex and guns. Three things that guys think they're just gonna be able to do. I've seen porn. I've watched golf. I've seen movies. I can play golf and shoot guns. Yeah. I don't know. I went to a gun range once. I don't think I hit the paper. I've ever been like, pow, pow, pow, pow. And I was like, I don't think there's any holes.

[Sass]

Being able to shoot a gun and knowing how to, like, load a gun properly. I will say there is part of it that you're like, this is. You're like, yeah. No, I don't. I know how to do this.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Yeah. Every time I think if I was watching somebody else fumble around with it, and I was just like, yeah. Like, you're a. Yeah.

[Sass]

It is pretty sick. But also, it is like. Like, I don't have any interest, really, in going to a gun range more than, like, once every.

[KFC]

Yeah. Because it's like.

[Sass]

It is. Every time I've been. There's been a situation where I've looked like a total idiot. And then those guys are like, it's like walking into, like. Like a skate shop and. Right.

[KFC]

You're like, a poser.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. Like, we showed up, me and Mook, and we were like, we never shot a gun. And they were like, well, what do you want to shoot? They were like, well, what's good for someone who's. And they were like, I don't know. An AR15. And we were like, yeah, maybe something smaller than that. I don't know. But then I shot in Denver last year, and we were shooting. We were shooting a 9 millimeter, and we shot an AK47, which was sick. But the 9 millimeter, it's like, you're like. I was up, and I was lining up to shoot it, and I was holding it with my. My thumbs crossed like this, and I'm, like, lined up about to shoot, and the guy comes over and, like, removes the gun from my hands. And he's like, if you shot that bullet, you would have lost your thumb. And I was like, well, maybe step in. Like, maybe step in. Step in five minutes ago. Because I was lining up with that gun for, like, 30 seconds straight, and he didn't say anything. But I guess the way I was holding it was like the kickback slide was gonna come back.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And then it would have, like, pinched my thumb and just, like, ripped it off. I don't know. I don't know if it would have been that bad. He made it seem like it was to Be really bad.

[KFC]

I also feel like. Yeah, I remember there was guys next to us in like the next lane or whatever you call it that were shooting like automatic weapons. And I was like, these guys just turned, you know, and then I started. I remember talking to my friends. I was like, what if these guys are anti gun nuts and they just want to prove how easy it is? Yeah, that could happen. These guys could just turn around, kill us all, and then we're all in the news and they're, you know, and they were like, dude, would you stop?

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah. And then they got the guy in the range who's supposed to, I guess, be there in case that happens.

[KFC]

Yeah. Ready.

[Sass]

But it's like everybody. He has a pistol and they all have the biggest guns.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Yeah. I think they're gonna win.

[Sass]

Yeah. In Phoenix, I mean, in Arizona, you can shoot. You could shoot a rocket launcher if you wanted. Dude, we're. That was the same thing. I was thinking about that the whole time. We're shooting a pistol. The guy at the range has a pistol. The guy next to us had a sawed off ak. Every time he shot it, the entire building shook. And it was like, dude, clearly that guy's winning the fight.

[KFC]

If. If this thing goes down.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Roan]

My dad would take me when I was like, 16. You're, like, not allowed to go, but I would. And like, I remember I would, like post about it and think it was so cool. And I cringe thinking about that.

[Tommy]

You'd have it on the IG anytime.

[KFC]

You know, there's. Especially when it is a chick. They've got the. The. The headset on and they're like, just the goggles.

[Roan]

Yeah. Like, I looked.

[KFC]

That was Mook.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Mook was like. I. It literally was like, at one point, I think I had to, like, wrap my arms around him to, like, show him how to hold the gun, because that was hilarious. And dude, the thing with the. It was literally like that. And then the thing. It was. And he was in Denver. He was in Denver when we went. And I was like, you want to come? And he was like, not at all.

[KFC]

I would just go home before I ever let you to, you know, do the. Teach you how to putt. Sort of.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

All right. Last thing before you gone. Did we resolve the son of a boy dad kettlebell issue?

[Sass]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

We had Ronan talking about that. That was.

[Sass]

The kettlebell is here. The problem with the kettlebell now is that we can't even have it on the desk because the cameras focus in on Joe Rogan's.

[KFC]

Face.

[Tommy]

So we just don't.

[Sass]

It's. There's no use for it. It's just turned around. It's just a normal kettlebell bell now. I. I, like, we were recording the other day, and I went. I was like, why is the kettlebell? And I turned it around, and then Owen came over and just turned it right back. Like, he's like the camera's focus in on it and we're all blurry, so. Which makes sense because it's like, if it was this table, it's front and center, every single camera face.

[KFC]

How is. Boy, are you guys going to do, like, live shows or any of that?

[Sass]

I don't know. I. I always like to do live shows within New York.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I don't know. I don't really have a ton of interest in traveling for life, especially because we all travel, so it's tough. But, like, in New York is always fun. And then obviously, Roan's gonna be gone for a couple weeks, right. With the kids. So we banked a ton of episodes.

[KFC]

That's.

[Sass]

The next couple weeks are gonna be.

[KFC]

Are you done?

[Sass]

Smooth sailing. Yeah, but we're always thought about, like.

[KFC]

Like, part of me even every now and then, it'll be like, we recorded record both episodes on, like, Monday. And I'm like, we're done for the week.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I'm like, what if we did that for, like, the month?

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah.

[KFC]

But, well, people do.

[Sass]

That's what, like the comptown guys used to do that. They used to go and go to a cabin and bank episodes for the entire summer and then just not record the whole.

[KFC]

The only thing about that is, I mean, you got to be really good, really funny, have a really loyal audience that, like, you're not talking about anything topical or if you are, it's completely dated.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[KFC]

And people don't care about that.

[Sass]

Yeah. That's our problem, is that we talk about topical shit all the time.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Sass]

We. We banked episodes a couple months ago, and we made a joke about Trump getting assassinated. And then that weekend, Trump got shot in the face, we had to re record the episode. Yeah.

[KFC]

That's crazy. That's crazy. Well, all right. It's doing well. It's good shit. And I'm sure mascots gonna be awesome, so.

[Sass]

Fuck yeah.

[KFC]

Go follow sass. Check out that. Get ready for mascots and we'll see you next time.

[Sass]

Sweet.