The Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson Fight was TERRIBLE ft. Steve Furey

Summary

KFC Radio Podcast Episode Summary

Title: The Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson Fight was TERRIBLE ft. Steve Fury
Host/Author: Barstool Sports
Release Date: November 19, 2024
Description:
Hosted by KFC and Feitelberg, KFC Radio transforms the quintessential bar conversation into podcast form. Featuring interactions with Barstool readers and listeners through Stoolie Voicemails, the show delves into embarrassing personal stories, bizarre hypothetical questions, and more. New episodes are released every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

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1. Introduction and Welcome

The episode begins with brief promotional segments highlighting sponsors like Fireball Whiskey, Pink Whitney, Jack Pocket, and Game Time. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation, maintaining the casual bar-like atmosphere of the show.

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2. Driving, Tickets, and Law Enforcement Stories

Discussion Highlights:

Kevin Clancy shares his ongoing struggles with traffic tickets and a suspended driver's license, detailing his evasive tactics to avoid paying fines and penalties.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Clancy (02:08): "Download the fucking Jack Pocket app and do that. If you don't. Oh, guess what?"
• Steve Fury (05:10): "I've done it once again. And still the undisputed champion of getting caught with a suspended license."
• Jackie (15:19): "That's another thing. Kevin's like... I was gonna say, you might have the worst record."

Insights: The conversation sheds light on the frustrations of dealing with bureaucratic systems like the DMV and the continuous cycle of accumulating fines. The hosts humorously discuss the absurdity of additional fees and the challenges of managing multiple violations.

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3. Personal Stories about Drug Dealing and Early Lives

Discussion Highlights:

Steve Fury recounts his past as a drug dealer, emphasizing the transition from sports and skateboarding to the drug trade before ultimately moving into comedy. Jackie shares his experiences living with a drug-dealing roommate during his early years in New York.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Fury (128:19): "I sold weed and I was big into Norcos."
• Jackie (130:14): "It's crazy, dude. I met a bad bitch in Bogota."

Insights: The hosts delve into the gritty realities of drug dealing, portraying it as a challenging yet formative period that influenced their life choices. They also touch upon the impact of counterfeit drugs and the risks associated with the trade.

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4. Sports and Boxing: Mike Tyson and the Jake Paul Fight Analysis

Discussion Highlights:

The core of the episode revolves around the recent Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson fight, which the hosts unanimously deem as TERRIBLE. They critique Tyson's performance, discuss his legacy, and express disappointment over the outcome. The conversation extends into Tyson's tumultuous history, including his legal issues and personal struggles.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Clancy (55:46): "This was the most bizarre fight I've ever seen. Mike Tyson looked out of it."
• Jackie (59:25): "I think I've surpassed my expectations."

Insights: The hosts analyze the fight's shortcomings, highlighting issues like poor strategy, lackluster energy, and disappointing execution from Tyson. They reflect on how the fight tarnishes Tyson's storied career and speculate on its impact on his legacy.

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5. Pop Culture, TV Shows, Movies, and Music

Discussion Highlights:

The conversation shifts to various pop culture topics, including critiques of TV show soundtracks, the timing of music in media, and the portrayal of violence in entertainment. They discuss shows like Lioness, The Penguin, and the influence of directors like Taylor Sheridan.

Notable Quotes:

• Jackie (78:28): "The windows are going, pew, pew, pew."
• Steve Fury (108:12): "When you go into Porta Potty, you're inside of a toilet."

Insights: The hosts express nostalgia and criticism regarding how music and soundtracks are integrated into TV shows and movies. They emphasize the importance of context in media consumption and share personal anecdotes about memorable soundtracks that felt out of place.

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6. Comedy and Entertainment Content

Discussion Highlights:

Steve Fury introduces his new comedy show, Comedy Confidential, which focuses on listener confessions. The format includes sharing anonymous secrets, prompting humorous and often outrageous stories from participants.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Fury (146:53): "One guy, the last guy said he ate a girl's ass at the Abbey and got a staff infection in his face."
• Jackie (155:25): "I think you might get lit up. I don't know."

Insights: Comedy Confidential serves as a platform for raw and unfiltered humor, allowing participants to share their most embarrassing or shocking secrets in exchange for rewards. The segment highlights the show's commitment to authentic and engaging content.

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7. Listener Interaction and Voicemails

Discussion Highlights:

The hosts address listener-submitted questions, navigating through quirky and provocative hypothetical scenarios. One notable question contrasts having all future porn featuring Andy Reid versus having all favorite sports teams coached by Riley Reid.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Clancy (86:22): "What's the worst thing you've ever had your mouth go through?"
• Jackie (101:17): "What's that about the government? You are my parents."

Insights: Listener interactions add a dynamic layer to the show, showcasing the community's diverse and humorous engagement. The hosts relish in the absurdity of some questions, using them as springboards for lively debates and comedic exchanges.

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8. Personal Experiences and Relationships

Discussion Highlights:

The episode delves into personal anecdotes about relationships, family dynamics, and life changes. Topics range from dealing with divorce and custody issues to reflecting on personal growth and future aspirations.

Notable Quotes:

• Jackie (155:08): "I got trench mouth once where I woke up with a mouthful of blood."
• Steve Fury (141:24): "They came out with the iPhone that you could do whatever."

Insights: The hosts provide intimate glimpses into their lives, discussing struggles with mental health, physical ailments like trench mouth, and the challenges of balancing personal and professional responsibilities. These narratives humanize the hosts, fostering a deeper connection with the audience.

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Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Throughout the episode, KFC Radio maintains its characteristic bar conversation vibe, seamlessly blending humor, personal stories, and critical analysis of current events. The hosts and guest, Steve Fury, navigate a myriad of topics ranging from the disappointing Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson fight to personal anecdotes about past struggles and comical misunderstandings.

Overall Insights:

• Authenticity: The show's strength lies in its raw and unfiltered discussions, allowing listeners to feel like they're part of an intimate gathering.
• Humor and Relatability: By sharing personal failures and humorous takes on everyday challenges, the hosts create a relatable and entertaining listening experience.
• Engagement: Interactive segments with listener voicemails encourage active participation and keep the content fresh and dynamic.

Notable Overall Quotes:

• Steve Fury (183:12): "If you just set your goals to not being too lofty, like, I was going to be president, everything, then I'd be a loser."
• Kevin Clancy (83:22): "Sometimes you got to force yourself."

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Final Thoughts:

This episode of KFC Radio exemplifies the essence of Barstool Sports' approach to podcasting—combining candid conversations, humor, and a touch of irreverence to explore a wide range of topics. Whether dissecting a flawed boxing match or sharing intimate life stories, the hosts and guest ensure an engaging and entertaining experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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For more episodes, visit Barstool Network

Transcript

[Kevin Clancy]

Hey, KFC Radio listeners. You can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Steve Fury]

For us, golf is simple.

[Jackie]

It's a chance to get out and.

[Steve Fury]

Have some fun with our friends. But inevitably, little things have a way of ruining it. The group ahead is taking forever. You can't find the fairway with a map and the bev cart is nowhere to be found. And the best way to make a bad day better is Fireball Whiskey.

[Jackie]

You get their nips, the little shooters.

[Steve Fury]

They are great. Makes bad day way, way, way better. Make sure to grab the new Fireball Birdie Shot Club. It's literally a golf club filled with Fireball Nip. Put it in your bag, it'll fit right in that side pocket. Drink Fireball Nips and have a great time on the golf course.

[Jackie]

Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Do I know you guys?

[Jackie]

I'm Ryan. Whitney.

[Kevin Clancy]

I got a drink named after me. Not a big deal. Pink Whitney. That's what I thought.

[Steve Fury]

See you fellas.

[Jackie]

I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments. If anything, you could lose a pound or two.

[Kevin Clancy]

Jack Pocket is America's number one and basically only lottery app. I don't even know of another competitor and if there is one, you shouldn't use it because Jack Pocket makes it as simple as possible. I have committed to wearing these glasses and it makes it difficult because I'm using an app that uses the face id.

[Jackie]

Jack Pocket. That was like a late.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was talking too much. I forgot to. I usually give you your spot.

[Jackie]

It's when. When you know, it's like some sometimes like title. The title card comes up later in a movie.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

Title card came up halfway through this movie.

[Kevin Clancy]

We are up to 4 20. $420 million for Mega Millions.

[Jackie]

Order your ticket. That's worth a double stab.

[Kevin Clancy]

$2. Quick. Pick, place, order, confirm face ID. Done. I am now in the running for $420 million. That's the ad. If you don't do that.

[Jackie]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

$2. In the $2 10 seconds, you might win 100. $420 million. That's the Ad. Download the fucking Jack Pocket app and do that. If you don't. Oh, guess what? Use promo code KFC. It's now free. $0 10 seconds. You might win almost half a billion dollars.

[Jackie]

Done.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's the cell?

[Jackie]

I'm also in the mix now.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even need to tell you about how they've given out $450 million in prizes. I don't even tell you that you can play the state lottery games. None of that on your phone. Look at it. Click a button, you might win $420 million. Download it today. Jack Pocket, America's number one lottery app and official partner of barstool sports gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER NEW YORK.

[Jackie]

Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny 18 or.

[Kevin Clancy]

Older, 19 plus in Nebraska, 21 plus in Arizona. Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawings. Terms jackpocket.com tos free ticket promo slash. Ready to rock.

[Jackie]

Ready to rock. Took my first omeprazole in three days. Feeling groovy.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's that?

[Jackie]

My omeprazole. I just haven't been taking.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, but what is that? That's chest. Chest. Harper. Harper.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You would have thought this dude's on, like, a party drug or something. I'm zooming, baby. Ready to go. Got my heart burning.

[Jackie]

Chest. Like, I just did a nice line. I'm feeling fresh.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, your body's probably like. Thank. Like, it's more like putting out a fire. Literally inside your body. Yeah, like someone just with a hose.

[Jackie]

Oh, putting out the fire.

[Pav]

Do you have regular.

[Jackie]

Harper, what's up?

[Pav]

Do you have regular herb?

[Jackie]

I have.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, he has, remember? He has. He has. He takes so much heartburn medicine, it gives him dementia.

[Pav]

Yeah, well, yeah, but I didn't.

[Jackie]

You could. You could, like, like, set the moon's lunar eclipses to my heart.

[Kevin Clancy]

Burnley.

[Jackie]

It's that on schedule?

[Pav]

It's like a period.

[Jackie]

Yeah, he's got a cycle. I'm. Every morning I wake up, heartburn. That's it. I got a period every day of the week. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You guys, I'm pretty sure somebody jumped off a building on 29th Street.

[Jackie]

When?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like right now, I think.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

There's a whole bunch of cops blocking off 29th Street. They're not letting anybody even walk down the streets. That means somebody's on the. On the sidewalk. That's not good. That's not like, you know, that's like, you stop traffic, but if you can't walk through, that means there's something. Yeah, and there was a bunch of cops in the middle of the block, and then on either side of the block with it roped off. I was like. So we jumped on that. That's New York, man. Did you see that? Did you see that video I posted the other day when I Walked out of the office, just a guy just laying in the middle.

[Jackie]

He's always there, though, in the middle like that.

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wow, that's ballsy. Good for him.

[Pav]

It bothers me because he just. He like. I can like, pick a side, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, just get.

[Pav]

Yeah, get, get.

[Kevin Clancy]

Scrams. You can't be in the middle. Yeah, it doesn't look like that. Omar for sales.

[Jackie]

I just took it. I'm like, I'm still settling in.

[Kevin Clancy]

I did it again. I've done it once again. And still the undisputed champion of getting caught with a suspended license.

[Jackie]

No way.

[Kevin Clancy]

Kevin Francis Clancy.

[Jackie]

You know, you should do. You should fix your license suspension. Okay, okay. Here's the thing that's like. That's primo. A one way to not be catch.

[Kevin Clancy]

Here's the fucking thing, man. It was the same thing that happened again. I get a ticket, I pay the ticket. First of all, paying the tickets, hard enough as it is, every time I go to pay a ticket, I try to pay it right away. It says, tickets in the last seven to 10 days might not be there. Well, then guess what's not happening. Me paying this ticket 10 days from now. That is gone.

[Jackie]

That's fair.

[Kevin Clancy]

The ticket is gone. It's out of my brain. I am now on to, well, they're never going to catch me mode. You got about seven hours where I might fucking pay that ticket. Seven to ten days. See you the later. So even. And so even. Despite that, every now and then, I'll start to rack up a parking ticket or just. Or I get probably not depressed. And I'm like, I got to take care of my. And I pay the ticket. When you pay the ticket, these rat at the dmv. I think only in New York, but maybe everywhere. But I know for sure in New York, they have something called the driver assessment violation fee. That is 70 extra bucks that I think they are just like, give us 70 more dollars, because there's. It means nothing. Driver assessment. I've never seen anything connected to it. There's no ticket, there's no nothing. It's just, you have to pay another 70 extra bucks. But where you pay the ticket, you can't pay the 70 fee. So I pay the ticket. And they're like, you got to go over here. Then I gotta go. So where I have to go is I got to go to my dmv. They made it like a thing. Now you gotta sign into it. And when I sign up, when I sign in, they're like, you. I'm trying to Sign up. And then they're like, you already have a registered name with this email address. So then I put the email address in, and it's like, you gotta put in your security questions. And then I put in the security questions, and they're like, to finalize the security questions, you got to put in your password. And I put the password in, and it tells me it's already registered. And it just does this circular thing. It just keeps going. I. I can't. I can't get into the thing to pay it. So. And then when that happens, I'm like, well, guess what's not happening? I'm not paying the $70 fee because, I mean, I'm. What, am I gonna go to the dmv? I'm not doing.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I'm not doing that. You. To pay things, pay for things people want to buy. Like, when you're selling a T shirt, it's like two clicks.

[Kevin Clancy]

Let alone something. I'm like, fuck you, man. So I.

[Jackie]

And.

[Kevin Clancy]

And they. I. I have, like, a cord that I plug into my thing so I can talk through the car.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that. It's the USB cord. And that, like, broke just over time. Just. That's another thing where just chargers stop working after, like, I don't know, a few years. A couple years, chargers just don't work anymore.

[Pav]

Yeah, just.

[Kevin Clancy]

They bend or whatever. It just doesn't work. I'm just like, okay, throw that in the garbage. That's another thing I gotta buy. So I plugged in, like, the USB C. And that doesn't go through the car the same way. So I was just. I wasn't, like, driving like this, you know, But I just had it like this. That I think should be allowed, because that's the same thing. If I'm, like, sipping a water if I'm doing this with the radio. Yeah, that's like, if. I understand if you're, like, being an. But this.

[Jackie]

Yeah, that's like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Come on.

[Jackie]

That. That and my rule that drinking and driving should be legal.

[Pav]

That, too.

[Jackie]

That, too. That.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. If drinking and driving is going to be legal, this has to be legal.

[Pav]

Wait, what you think on drinking and.

[Jackie]

Driving, you should be able to drink and drive as long as you can blow below. As long as you can blow below 0.08. What's the difference?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, you can literally be in the car with a beer. Drinking and driving.

[Pav]

Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, you can't.

[Jackie]

You can't go drunk driving, but you can drink and drive as long as you blow a point away. If I have a Bud Light, if.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is my first one.

[Pav]

Yeah. What's it gonna.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I'm just on the way to the party, dude. Getting warmed up.

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right, right. I wonder actually, what. There must be a different thing for that, right? It's like drinking and driving versus driving under the.

[Jackie]

I think it's open container.

[Kevin Clancy]

Open catastrophe.

[Jackie]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.

[Kevin Clancy]

The guy pulls me over, and I'm like.

[Pav]

Okay, shoes.

[Kevin Clancy]

First of all, right? What do you say? Harry Suede.

[Jackie]

Harry Suede.

[Pav]

That's exactly what I would name it.

[Jackie]

Yeah, exactly. This little pair of Del Toros I got recently.

[Pav]

Shout out, plug.

[Jackie]

No free ads.

[Kevin Clancy]

So the guy pulls me over, and I am in the town that I just did the fundraiser for. Oh, right. And I'm like, come on, bro. Like, one time for me. God. And I'm like. I, like, take my hat off. I'm like, good afternoon, officer. Like, here is my license. Kevin Clancy, nothing. Goes back to his car. Another guy comes to take down more. He comes. The guy comes back. He's like. He's like, your license is good. I'm like, yeah, it's good. He comes back. He's like, no, it's not.

[Jackie]

Did you know it was not?

[Kevin Clancy]

No, but I said it so genuinely. I was like, yeah, it's fine. Because, like, it wasn't a lie, because at that point, I didn't know he.

[Jackie]

Did recognize you if he's asking if your license is working.

[Kevin Clancy]

So he goes. So the other guy comes back, and I. I am the. I will. As obvious, like, as. As this story plays out, I will go down with the ship before I ever be like, do you know who I am? You know what I mean? But I'm like, come on. I'm like, this guy comes over. He's young. I'm like, you got to know something, right? So he's nothing. He's just taking down my information. It's like, what's your email? I was like, clance. I give him my Gmail. And so then I was like, actually, can I get. Can I change that email for a second? I don't use that. Can I change that email? Because I really don't even ever use my barstool email. So it wasn't even on my brain. But so I was like, can I change that? And. And he's like, oh, do you work for them? I was like, yeah, man. I was like, is there anything we can do? I do all this and that. I got like, I'm calling. I'm text other cops and shit. And they're like once he like put. He put it in the computer, he was like, you should have said something earlier. Oh. And I was like, that's the last. That's the last time you're going to do it is right away. Like the roll down the window. Do you know? You know, let me tell you what's going on.

[Jackie]

Excuse me. I have a podcast.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, right, right. Like that's not what I need you to find it out. Somehow. I got to put like my. I got to put my license or some. This is clearly going to happen again.

[Jackie]

How many tickets do you have?

[Kevin Clancy]

I. I cleared everything up today. I think it was like two grand because I. I mean I have.

[Jackie]

That's not that bad.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, it's really not that bad. It was like. Cuz it was also late tickets. So those get. You know, it's up to like 250 bucks a ticket. So it's really only like a few tickets. It was. It was one. It was one open thing that I paid, but I didn't pay this fucking $70 thing, which is just the DMV's way of fucking you in the ass.

[Jackie]

So did you get like towed and arrested?

[Kevin Clancy]

No, but he. So, so he's like, can you. He's like, we're gonna have to. So yeah. The first time this happened to me, I got straight up arrested. Handcuffs. I had. I was. Shay was maybe 18 months, maybe 2 years old. I was about to take her to daycare and I was like. I called my nanny. I was like, can you come downstairs? I'm being arrested. The dude like legit cuffed me in front of my two year old daughter. Like if she's young enough that it didn't matter. But also was like, wow, we're really doing this, huh? Fucking put me in the back of the back of the car in those plastic seats. I was like, my shoulders dislocated. Dude, it's like, just uncuff me. I'm not going anywhere. So I was like, I'm gonna get arrested again. Of course I'm on the way to Keegan's football game and I've got his uniform. This is another thing, by the way. I don't know. Shout out to all the other divorced parents. You're either divorced parents who can like keep your in order or your divorce parents that need to just buy two of literally everything. Every. I am going to register. I'm going to create a fake kid and register a fake child for every single sport. I do to have two uniforms and two everything for everything. I need two of everything. I'm going to literally have to make up a kid that has, like a Social Security number or something that I can just get two of. Absolutely everything. I. Two uniforms for school, two uniforms for sports. Two, two, two, two, two. So I got to get this uniform to the game on time. So now, Now Caitlin's calling me. Like, you know, the game's about to start. So I'm like, the cops. Like, we're gonna, we're gonna have to impound this. He wasn't gonna arrest me. He was like, I'm gonna. Once. Once he found out, like, everything that was going on, I actually don't even think he was gonna arrest me in general. He was like, we're gonna impound your car. But, like, you can. But then once you can walk that.

[Jackie]

Way, bud, pop that thumb out if you want.

[Kevin Clancy]

So he's like, does any. Can anybody come pick up your car? Drive your car? I'm like, yeah, I got that. And so I call. I call somebody and they come and he's like, do they have their license with them? And I was like, oh. I was like, make sure you have your license. And they show up, and he's like, I got to run their license. Suspended license. I'm like, oh, God. And my dad. So I had that person come to pick up my car. And then my dad was coming to. I was like, I need you to run this uniform over to the field right now. And then he had to pick.

[Steve Fury]

He.

[Kevin Clancy]

We all got in his car. I was like, this is. This, of course, is what happened to me, but it's all cuz the DMV you in the ass with that $70 thing. I, I, I got a ticket. I paid the ticket.

[Jackie]

That should be enough. That should be enough. Come on.

[Kevin Clancy]

We live, we, we, we. We live in a society. You got me. You caught me. I actually think, considering how often I'm on the road, I got a pretty good record.

[Jackie]

I was gonna say, you might have the worst record.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, no. By sheer, just number. Probably like, because you don't have tickets. You don't have tickets if you drove as many hours as I drive, at as many miles as I drive.

[Jackie]

That's another thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm about to turn in my car for my lease. I am so far over the mile. Yeah, I mean, so far. I was like, I don't even. I texted the guy, being like, we're gonna have to work something out. I think per minute in car tickets, I would actually go to the highest.

[Jackie]

I think you have a delusional sense of your driving ability. Yeah, that's.

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You. I'm telling you, I am in the car more than any human alive because. Because I also have not taken mass transportation in about a decade now. I am. I'm either here, car house. That's it. And it is constant. I really. I'm telling you, you do the Math. What, maybe five tickets in less 10, 15 years of driving everywhere.

[Jackie]

I remember being in the. I forget. I forget where we were driving. We were driving somewhere and we were like, dude, you stink at driving.

[Kevin Clancy]

And you were like, no, you guys. You guys just drive, like, safe.

[Pav]

You do it with your knees.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I'm going to drive it with my knees.

[Jackie]

I know your record would show differently.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't get an accident.

[Jackie]

No, that's. That's my favorite. I remember when we were making fun of you and you're like, I've never been in an accident or whatever. It's like a chef who just keeps feeding you slop and it's like, well, you didn't die. No, I'm not enjoying this either.

[Kevin Clancy]

No. But getting a cell phone tick is different than being able to drive with your knees.

[Pav]

Yeah, but it's like. It's like the peace of mind of everyone in the car.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, I don't give a fuck about you guys, but that's not my Dr.

[Jackie]

I think the driver's intention, the driver's.

[Kevin Clancy]

Goal is to listen. I'm driving to get me to and from. If you don't want to get in the car with me, you don't want peace of mind, figure out your own. But your peace of mind is not my. My responsibility.

[Jackie]

It 100% is.

[Kevin Clancy]

I promise you we're gonna get there safely. If you guys can't just trust me, then trust the process. Trust the process. You're gonna get there safely. I drive with my knees all the time.

[Jackie]

Kevin's like. Kevin's driving with his knees. Texted me. Like, I don't know what everyone's worried about. Yeah, if you can' are a bunch of. Back there.

[Pav]

There's not even like, I'd rather be your toes. Where there's like, grip something.

[Jackie]

There's not even like.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, all you need is. You just. You just have. I mean, I actually have. There's like spots on.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

On my pants. Certain pants that I wear all the time. Or that, like, are worn down from the. I was looking, I was like, what is that? And I got in the car and it matched up perfect with the steering wheel. I was like, wow, there it Is. There's your answer. I don't give a shit about you guys. Peace of mind. I'm sorry. If you want to ride, you can have it, but I'm driving my way.

[Jackie]

Gas in the car with you is like. It's like driving with Devlin on the Blackout Tour. Guys and I will still text about that sometimes.

[Steve Fury]

Like.

[Jackie]

Like, dude, how did we survive that? People. People be like, oh. Like, from the party in and the drinking and like, no, dude, driving a Chevy silverado with Devlin. T9 texting. As we're looking. As we're looking. See? 20,000 tons.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's a man who knows how to drive. If you can't T9 text and drive, then you're a bad Dr. Argue that. You guys gotta be up there with your 10 and 2 because you don't know how to drive. Think about it.

[Jackie]

Everything else you do, you don't follow all the rules. You think about it. Think about it. Better drivers actually text while they're driving. Think about it. Think about it. Bro. Bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, if you put. If you put. If you put. Who's one of our guys? Who's one of our NASCAR guys that we love?

[Jackie]

Give me a name. One of them. Just give me one.

[Kevin Clancy]

We put Denny Hamlin in the car, and we're like, drive with your knees and text. You'd be like, yeah. Cause I know how to fucking drive.

[Jackie]

Denny Hamlin probably would go, I don't know about that guy. We'll be driving this in 300 miles an hour.

[Kevin Clancy]

Not the fucking stock car he gets in his fucking Toyota. So, yeah, I did it again.

[Pav]

One of my greatest accomplishments is like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, and also, my. My inspection expired in June.

[Jackie]

Just throw that in there.

[Pav]

I got a ticket freshman year. And then it, like, adds every time you don't pay it.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, yeah.

[Pav]

I was like. So then I was like, I'm not gonna pay it. I'm not gonna pay it. Because, like, I'm just gonna hope that this thing goes away. And all my friends were like, you got to pay it. And it kept going up. And then by freshman year, it was 400. It started as 15. It was 400. And I was like, you guys, I'm not gonna pay it. Like, I think I'm gonna get away with this. As soon as I graduated, went away, never had a pet.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, that's different, too. Yeah, I feel it was.

[Pav]

And same thing happened with high school. So, like, now I just don't even.

[Kevin Clancy]

Believe that's what I. I feel like you can kind of get away with them. This is Kind of proven positive that you can't.

[Jackie]

But.

[Kevin Clancy]

But there is just some sort of. Again, I think it's on account of the depression where you just don't do things that you need to do. But, like, I can't even fathom being one of those people that's like. Like, even after I got my license. Suspense. Like that. That day, I was like, all right, like, driving back to get my cars. I gotta. I gotta go, like, pick up. And they were like, what are you gonna. I was like, I mean, I got to do shit. I'm going to fucking just get back in my car and drive it and just like, hope I don't. Like, oh, I'll stop texting. I'll make sure I drive safe this time.

[Jackie]

Like, all right, I'll try and drive safe. Yeah. Like, but.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I'm not even texting you.

[Pav]

Like, look at me.

[Jackie]

Kevin's like, you ever remember, like, that girl in high school, probably Jackie, who was like the cool girl in school and kind of mean, but, like, she would drive, like, with her foot, like. Like on the dashboard. And, like, just Kevin and that girl have the same vibe of driving. Yeah. It's like.

[Pav]

It's like, I'm a woman, and I'm.

[Jackie]

Telling you, driving is the fourth thing I'm focused on right now.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it is. It is very much like, yeah, like, when. When the lights go on and. Or like, I know I have to pay. I'm just like, I. We're just plowing through that.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't. It's. It's. But it goes beyond driving. It's. It's everything where it's like, take care of this thing. And I'm just like, no, no.

[Jackie]

I mean, I'm with you.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just. And it's obviously the worst way to live because it's just more money, more stress when it. When it comes home to roost. But I literally can't imagine being one of those people that's just like, well, I mean, I have, like, a ticket and I can't. Like, I have to pay it.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what I mean? Or like. Or like, yeah, like, you shouldn't drive right now. It's like, I'm just gonna fucking drive to the place. You know what I mean? Being one of those, like, I can't do it. It's not in the book. It's not just not gonna happen.

[Jackie]

I had, like, a similar not fight discussion this weekend with my mom where. Because I was. It was open. Roman. So I was like that perfect example.

[Kevin Clancy]

We talked about that the other day.

[Jackie]

I got an email from our head of hr, head of people, whatever it's called. And I was like, yo, you still haven't done this? So I opened it up, called my mom, and I know that I'm supposed to withhold more tax than I do, so I was, like, trying to figure it out, My mom. And I was like, why am I even involved in this? And she's like, what do you mean? And I was like, why? Like, why does this fall on me? Why is this my responsibility?

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm with you. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm with you.

[Jackie]

She's like, what do you mean? Like, it's the taxes. I'm like, but they know what they want. Like, it's there.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's on you.

[Jackie]

Take it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And then give me what I get.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's.

[Jackie]

Why is it. Why am I involved in this?

[Kevin Clancy]

Needing to withhold more is fucking nuts.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, yeah, I signed up. You have my. You know, I got employment. I got my W2s. Whatever. I've done my part, right? What else is there to be done?

[Jackie]

What the fuck is that about the government? You are my parents. You give me my fucking allowance when I get. Fucking take what you want and then give me what I get. Why do I have to get it then do math and give it back to you. It doesn't make any sense.

[Kevin Clancy]

And take the fucking right amount. When it's like, oh, did you get money back or do you owe money? Why don't. Why don't we just do the right amount?

[Jackie]

You figure it out. Like, you want the money, you figure it out.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can understand if. If you get a bonus that is variable because they're like, we did another bonus. But I've had it be like, my salary, right? Like, it's the same thing every time. You know it. It's there. Take the right amount.

[Jackie]

Like, it just. Why. It just shouldn't come to me. It shouldn't. Like, I keep what you want and give me the leftovers.

[Kevin Clancy]

You can take more to have this stock.

[Jackie]

Yeah, take. Take a $70 fee for me.

[Pav]

Like, when. When air. When pilots, like, are like, will make up time in the air, it's like.

[Jackie]

Do it all the time.

[Pav]

You could have done that in the past.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes, do it all the time. Everybody's just. That's. I mean, nobody's. My dad said something to me the other day. I. It was. It was probably. I was ranting about this. Oh, no. I was ranting about the house renovation, which I came in here when you were gone. And I was about to just, like, explode. And my contractor called me right before we recorded, so I just have the whole conversation recorded. And this guy, he's a great guy. He's a great dude. I love him. But, like, this project is really going poorly right now. And I'm screaming at him, and then he's, like, screaming back at me. And we kind of, like, found a middle ground. I was like, all right, all right, all right.

[Pav]

At one point, he'd start to do the Michael, because he would just go.

[Kevin Clancy]

Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. He goes, you think I want you on my ass? I know who you are. I know what you can do. And I'm sitting there recording it. I'm like, yeah, God damn right. But, you know, it's. It's. It's. It is. It is. It is a little crazy. They opened my house in July, and nothing is done. I just have half a house for the whole year. For the half a year. The whole thing was supposed to be six months. Nothing's done. Literally nothing.

[Jackie]

That's.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I was like, there are. There was some things, because as I just explained the type of person I am, they were like, you need to pick this thing and that thing and tell me this and that. And I, you know, didn't do it. So I'm like, I can understand, like, that push. Just a week or a couple days here and there. Not. You started my. In July, and it's November, and I still have open gutted house. You know what I mean? That's like, come on. And I hired somebody else that was supposed to kind of, like, run point on all this. And that's. That's the person I'm mad at. So. But he's the one. I'm mad at her for, like, not responding to shit. That's part of the problem. He responds. So he calls me, and so I'm good with him, but I'm just taking out. You know what I mean? By the end, I'm like, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you. But that was very funny, Ken. You're not gonna badmouth me on your show, right? I do. I think when this is all we started, me and Pav started putting out renovation shit in July. Being like, all right. The whole plan was like, we want to do some home renovation content, because that's such a big thing. And we started it, and there was, like, so much appeal to it. And then I just. I don't have anything left, but I Also think part of the process is this because, like, everybody, I think this is pretty extreme and it really isn't his fault. I want to, I don't want to put him down too much because, like, we found out we needed to do the air conditioning and heating that was broken. So I need to do that first. And then we found out the roof is broken. I was like, I got to do that first. Like classic KFC mush type shit. I went back. I don't know if I told this on the air. Dude went up to my roof and checked it and he came down and he was, I want to say Polish. And so he had like this thick Polish accent. He was like, this is. I am offended by this. Literally said he was offended by how bad the roof was. Like, yeah, I can't do a Polish accent. But he's like, in all my years, I've never seen a house with the roof this bad. Like, just literally like band aids just over holes. So I needed to redo the whole roof and like, I go back to my inspection. When you get a house, you get an inspection and it's just like, slate roofs are some of the strongest roofs in the world. They, they can literally last like 400 years. Like, there's a couple spots you need to patch up, but otherwise good to go. And it's like, nope, I need to spend like $120,000 to fix this roof.

[Jackie]

Slate roofs are perfect. Not this one, but in general, I.

[Kevin Clancy]

Started to like Google it because I was like, clearly not. And there, there are though, like, in Spain, there are like, like museums and like historical buildings that have like this original slate roof from like the 1600s. Mine was in 1930 and it's shot. So, yeah, not that one. So it's not totally his fault, but. But Game Time is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. We love getting out to live events, whether we're talking about comedy. You just went to see Soder. Whether you're doing Broadway, whether you're doing.

[Jackie]

A concert Rockette in town this weekend. I was already starting that up the whole month.

[Kevin Clancy]

Now, whether you're doing sports, any live event, Game Time has you covered with the easiest app to use and the up to the second pricing. Right now they have the Game Time picks deal. You open up the app, you put on GT Pix at the top of the app, and it cuts out all the bullshit on the secondary market and feeds you all the tickets that you need so you don't have to sift through all of the way Too high price. All the shitty tickets, everything that's in your price range, that are good seats, that are good purchases, good, good for good prices, they feed them directly to you so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. Because there are thousands of tickets on game time because it's the number one ticketing app on the. On the market today. So download game time, get your tickets, best prices or best seats available to any live event, and all you got to do is toggle the GT picks at the top of the screen. So download game time and use promo code KFC to score great deals with the new game time picks.

[Jackie]

What time is it? Game time. Who?

[Kevin Clancy]

She's never gonna get it. I wish the mic picked that up. What was the other thing? Oh, I. I got. I chaperoned. I chose the chaperone Shay's field trip last week, and I didn't know where we were going. And for some reason we have, like, a family calendar that we share, and it said Radio City, because I think that's another field trip later in the year. I was like, it feels a little early to do the Christmas stuff, but maybe it's, you know, maybe we're doing that. And we did not go to Radio City. We did not do that. We went to a super. Super slavery museum in Yonkers. Super slavery.

[Jackie]

Super slavery. We were good guys.

[Kevin Clancy]

Even it was the. There was some, like. It was called the Phillips House, which is like, the Phillips family ruled this area of Westchester. And so they were like the big dogs. So we were. There was, like, one part of their house that was still original, and the rest has been built in this little museum. And, like, we start out talking about the spice trade, and they, like, they were like, teaching the kids about different spices.

[Jackie]

The invention of the stock market.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

[Pav]

Wait, explain.

[Jackie]

The East India Trading Company couldn't compete with the various. The British, but the East India was a British East India Trading Company co invented the stock market in the sense, like, they sold shares in their company.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, how.

[Jackie]

It's. How they could afford to move around so much.

[Kevin Clancy]

So they're teaching all about just, like, literal spices. They're, like, handing out these little, like, actual spices. Like, smell it. Like, what is this? What is that? But I see, like, the map they got up there, and I'm like, I think I know where this is going because it's got the triangle trade and all sorts of lines going, like this way and that way. And I was like, I know how these spices got to that bot Spot. And I know what they're doing, you know? And so in the beginning, it's all just. They're grinding up the spices. Look at that. Like, it's like cinnamon. And. And then they're like. And they went to Africa and kidnapped people and made them work for free. I was like, my God. And they're like, this little girl's like, they didn't pay them for the, for the work. And they're like, no, they didn't. They enslaved them. I was like, I was like out of every. I literally on a whim, I never check my email again. All this all checks out, right? But I like happen to see this email at the top of my inbox like a couple weeks ago. Like, we need people to chaperone. I was like, cool, let's do it. Of course, the one I pick is this thing. So I'm literally sitting there going like, I'm making faces like, are you for real? And they're like, yeah, they, they wanted to make as much money as they could, so they made people work for free. And I was like, oh. And then we move on. And there's like a video screen that kind of has this like hologramy AI type thing and it's a slave. And they press play. And it's like, when I was a six month old baby, they stole me in the night from my mother's arms and dragged me to blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm. And say, I'm watching the kids kind of go like. I was like, you gotta be kidding me, man. And so they're young enough. They're old enough that they're kind of like, what the fuck's going on? But they're young enough that they're just like, whatever. But then the final, the final piece, I'm like, the whole time I'm like, get me out of here, dude. It was a whole day from like 9 to. Till school closed were there. I was like, I am literally dying right now. And then there was this interactive screen and it had a knob and you turn it and it goes from like 1600 to 1800. And what it does on the screen is it has the population of the area. So in the beginning of the 1600s, it's all purple. And that means this, this is where the Native Americans, the Muncie tribe, it's like all of them. And as you turn it, like we start to colonize and it turns yellow. And then as you turn it more, it starts to put spots on. And that was the slave population in that Area. And so the kids are kind of turning it and like looking at it. And the group that I'm chaperoning because they split the group, it's a couple white kids and a couple black kids and this little black girl is turning it and.

[Jackie]

Oh, they didn't split the segregated it. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So she's turning it and, and they're like, what is this? I'm like, oh, this is the different like people that live there. And she turns it and she's like, which one are we? And I was like, I don't know, I froze. I was like, I don't know the answer here, man.

[Jackie]

You have to ask one of the experts.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, you know, it's just probably descendant wise you're the spots.

[Jackie]

But also, I don't know, you're like.

[Kevin Clancy]

You'Re the yellow now.

[Jackie]

But like literally back then, you're probably the spot.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like, go talk to your parents. They probably can answer this better. I am certainly not qualified to talk.

[Jackie]

To a third grader.

[Kevin Clancy]

Remember, remember I said this a couple months ago, like relatively recently on the podcast. I was like, they kind of just yada yada, slavery when you're a kid in class.

[Jackie]

I, I think they, you know, I, like, I don't, I don't really remember what I learned. I don't remember like, I definitely went on field trips like this, but I don't remember.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like I, I knew the literally like, but I don't, they didn't really drive home like the, how horrendous slavery is. You know what I mean? I was like, I remember obviously emancipation and all that, but it was more to me about like the trade and like the spices and the cotton and not like the horrific shit that we did to people. And I obviously understand that's probably what, you know, the part of the problem and the way they teach or whatever. But I was like, they just focused.

[Jackie]

On like, here's a good solution. We found. They didn't focus on how the problem came about exactly. We did some good shit. We freed the slaves. How'd they get there?

[Kevin Clancy]

Exactly that. Exactly. And this was, this was fucking the real, you know, this was the real deal. I was like, oh. I was like, this is probably why they yada yada it. Cuz I was like, I don't, I.

[Jackie]

Don'T want to talk to you.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't want to tell these third graders about this. Man. You should be. Maybe when we're in high school you could talk about this. I can't be talking about babies being stolen in the night. And that's, that's going to be questions that come home, you know, that needs to be done by the teacher. Dude, I can't. And you're not even my kid. I definitely can't talk to you. I was like, I for sure cannot talk to you about this. You're going to go home and be like, you know, some, some white man that was at the field trip said yada, yada. Like, I listen, I don't know. I plead the fifth on this one. Gotta go fix my license, get me out of here.

[Jackie]

I got the feds after me right now. I can't catch another kid.

[Pav]

I remember in fifth grade, I, it was like we were learning about colonial times. And I had asked, I was like, I was like, okay, so if they didn't have like hot, like they were talking about like how there was like, not really hospitals or something. And I was like, wait, so how did they. And they talked about childbirth earlier. So I was like, wait, so how do they deliver babies? And the girl, like the tour guide or whatever, like, laughed in my face. It was like, when you're older, when you're older, you'll understand that that's a very difficult question. And I was like, I feel like that was like not a dumb question. And every year on my birthday I ask myself, was that a dumb question?

[Kevin Clancy]

Am I old enough to know that that was dumb?

[Pav]

And we go, nope. I still stand by that. She pisses me off.

[Jackie]

Every single one. When you're older, you'll realize, oh, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Maybe. Yeah.

[Jackie]

Well, the question was how it was.

[Pav]

How do you deliver a baby if not in the hospital? Like, I get like, it's not, I.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wasn'T like, listen, the baby's just coming out. We get that.

[Pav]

Yeah, the baby's coming out. Like, I don't know. You do an at home birth now I figure it out. I don't think it was a stupid question enough to laugh at the class and say, when you're older, you'll understand. That was a stupid question.

[Jackie]

You dumb.

[Pav]

Not even when you're older, you'll understand it. Fifth grade.

[Kevin Clancy]

Fifth grade. She knows.

[Jackie]

It's a, it's a super fair question for.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think I still think about it today when I hear that people do an at home birth. I'm like, are you out of your mind? The amount of that can go down when you're giving birth. I mean like literally then people used to just die all the time doing it because went wrong.

[Pav]

Yeah, like maybe when we're older.

[Jackie]

Oh man. What else we got.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is there? Barstool. Oh, have you seen the video of Dave looking at that picture?

[Jackie]

I have not. No.

[Kevin Clancy]

It is. So do you guys know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

[Pav]

A new.

[Kevin Clancy]

A new short Dave picture came out.

[Jackie]

Oh, I saw Ed Ole Miss.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Wherever he was. Yeah. And Dave, they. First of all, it was legitimately, like. Like, that meme of like, hey, babe, wake up. Like, new Dave picture drops, and he's on his phone, and he's like, this is. This can't be real. This is not possible. He's. He is flabbergasted by being short, which I think we. Like, we've done this enough times. Like. And the crowd around him. Dude. Dan's like, is that a Quigs? That might be a Quigs. And Austin is like, no, no, no. It's 0.5. It's a 0.5 picture. You're in the middle. It's. It's a. It's a depth percentage.

[Pav]

It is such a girl move that.

[Kevin Clancy]

It'S like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jackie]

That's exactly what it was.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, no, no. It's the lighting, and he's just, like, next to a dude who's like, I don't know, six, two or some. And look short. And the way they were just like, no, honey, sweetie, you're doing great. Like, don't worry, you're tall enough. It is so. I was dying, dude. I think I have it on my Instagram, the way. And of course, it being Austin was so good.

[Jackie]

Like, no, no, no.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's 0.5. I do believe it's a little bit. It's the opposite of the Foley effect.

[Jackie]

Oh, wow. It's the sweatshirt being, like, too big. Too big. It's the perfect storm. Too big.

[Kevin Clancy]

Everything's too big on him. He looks like. It looks like he's, like a kid wearing adult clothes.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that's not. And then you stand next to a tall guy, and it's just not gonna. But there are people in the background going, oh, man, look at his feet.

[Jackie]

Look at his face.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it was like a. I. It was a little bit of. You know, you can understand how, like, yes men. And people just. You know, it's like, man, that, like, it's like when someone's famous and it's like they have no. Nobody to check them or nobody. It was everybody just trying to, like, tell you. No, no, no, no.

[Jackie]

It's not.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's just the picture. It's just the phone. Or it's just that you're not it was so good, man. The way do we did we have his reaction when he was like.

[Jackie]

He's.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's just beside himself. I hope you guys.

[Steve Fury]

It's a point five. But it's like is that.

[Jackie]

It's unbelievable. That's unbelievable.

[Steve Fury]

It's unbelievable.

[Jackie]

That's unbelievable. I don't know how to explain it.

[Steve Fury]

Has to be at some happen who's hauling Dean.

[Jackie]

That's the point.

[Steve Fury]

When they do 0.5. Whatever's in the middle is the smallest bad.

[Jackie]

And the big people at the front too. This is like.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a great size. It's a great size.

[Jackie]

It's the perfect size.

[Kevin Clancy]

Honey. I swear.

[Steve Fury]

Slander artist.

[Kevin Clancy]

Look at.

[Jackie]

Look at the guy's feet.

[Steve Fury]

So they made your leg shorter too. Is it better than.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was? I saw that in bed at night and I was like belly laughing to myself. I thought it was so. When he's like.

[Jackie]

I just.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's unbelievable. So disappointed. So mad at Hab. I can't. I can't explain it. It probably is a little bit of the reverse Foley effect. Remember the Foley picture?

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because he was at the front. There is. There is something to that. Right. When you're in like a V and you're in the front. But everyone explaining it away was so good, man. I was thinking I got to put together. I want to put together like the definitive list of bad barstool pictures.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because we all got them. We all got them.

[Jackie]

What's your worst one?

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know. There's one in. There's one from the super bowl house in Minnesota.

[Jackie]

My WIP took.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

He did be so dirty.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was probably that. That one I think is like. I feel like is the worst. I'm sure it's in the eye of the beyond. But that one makes me go like, oh my God, take that off the Internet. Big cat, big house was. Is. I think probably the number one. If you don't know that one, that is. Oh my God.

[Jackie]

Him. I was on the Cubs Mets, like bus.

[Kevin Clancy]

We were on the. The bus and. And Dan was trying. I think everyone. I think we were lost or something. Everyone's trying to like kind of navigate. And he's bending over into the front of the bus and then I'm behind him and do big cat, big house. It'll pop up. Because that was kind of the memes started. Yo, that's not him.

[Jackie]

That is not him.

[Steve Fury]

It's so fucking funny.

[Kevin Clancy]

And if you look in the top, the top is me taking a picture And I just have this smile on my face because it was a funny visual. But I remember taking it and looking. I remember going like this. Like, wait, what? Because he was not. I mean, you know, he was. It was probably one at one of his bigger phases. He's slim cat now, but he was probably not then. But that picture, I was like, what happened? And I remember it was on my phone and I had just taken it and I remember being at like a crossroads in life where I was like, I can just delete this picture and this never happened. And I kind of started to laugh and like snicker. And if I. If I remember, I don't remember for sure, but if I remember correctly, I think Dave was like, what are you laughing about? And I was like, not the man.

[Jackie]

Nothing, nothing.

[Kevin Clancy]

And he was like, what is it? And I showed him and he was like, oh, I think that's how it went down. Because I do remember feeling guilty because I was like, fuck. Like what do I do? This is literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen. But I don't want to do my boy dirty. And then I think if this is the blog, there's a blog that we did a Photoshop contest and yeah, maybe this is the original one. So I don't know. The fucking Photoshops that came in were so funny. They were putting them on like cruise ships and like up, up next to buildings and like all this funny. Oh, this is it. Yeah, yeah. This is the moon flipping of his attire.

[Jackie]

They were just like.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was just so mean.

[Jackie]

That was the best one. Fuel.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh man. And it was like all time, all time funny. That so that to me would probably be the number one worst. There's ug Dave. Gross Dave. Oh, that was great because Dana Murphy was seeing the ball so well. Yeah, that's. That's probably Dave's worst one. I don't know, I don't think you gotta have one, but none like jumps to mind.

[Jackie]

I think of. I think we've all been on so many cameras before. Well, I think of mine is like one I knew was being taken. It was like the pre weight loss challenge.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

Where I'm like shirtless in the Milton office.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's the worst by the way. When you know we. We took shirtless pictures for the combine too. But they just did me so dirty on the combine too. I think. I think Dave just went North Korea on that one. They just put 510 on my. On my com. It's just like I'm just not 5, 10.

[Jackie]

You.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just me, dude.

[Pav]

Camera adds 10 pounds. Is really a thing. Which is why I want an award for editing myself as much as I do.

[Kevin Clancy]

You do. You do deserve that. Thank you. You do.

[Jackie]

Whose head is that?

[Kevin Clancy]

That's got to be Dave making. Is that Captain Cons? I think that's Cons. I think that's Cons before he brought it home. Yeah, yeah. No. Is it chaps or cons?

[Jackie]

No, that's Cons.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that was. We didn't talk about that. Did. Did you see Undressing Dave?

[Jackie]

That.

[Kevin Clancy]

That. I think that, like, reset me at Barstool Sports. Like, I, I. That was so vintage barstool that I was like, there's still a little bit of magic left. There's still a little bit of old school Barstool Khan's smoked him in one of the most. Like, that was, like, off the rip, but it felt, like, scripted. Yeah, he just, like, kept going. I'm handsome. You're not. You need it. Go to Turkey. I'm an athlete. Like, and, and. And Dave going, challenge. I challenge you to a one mile race. Like, that even means something. We're talking about handsome and hair. And he's like, one mile race. It was like, it was like, I, I invoke like, Like Festivus. Like, like, pause. We have to race. That race is supposed to go down. If you have. By the way, if you haven't seen. What we're talking about is on the dog walk draft we did. We were doing a TV draft, and I. I had my head down, and I was looking at my. My list, and Dave was like, kevin, are you balding? And it was just, like, a part in my hair. And. And Chief was like, dave's just wishing baldness on anyone. He's just trying to push baldness on anybody. And then he was like, cons, don't you have, like, the worst hairline? He's like, I'm bald, dude. Like, and it was just so genuine when he's like, this is the lot that that, like, God gave me. And I. And I understand. It was. I loved it. If it was. If that was like, Dan and Dave, me and Dave, like, like, that would have been. That was 20, you know, 12 rundown type. Yeah, it was Cons and, and White Sox Dave. But it was, like, so funny. And I was. I was up there. Like, I was like, oh, my God.

[Jackie]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Clancy]

Stop, stop, stop, stop. But they. So they're going to race. And White Sox Dave texted him, if you can't break 7 minutes, don't even show up. So I guess Dave's confident that he can run like a six something mile. Cons is like, he knows for sure he can run in the sixes. And he was like, and whatever it takes, I will like, I will not lose to him. He's like, I will like. He's like, I don't know what. And I can run in the sixes. And whatever I need to do in the sixes, I will do because I will not lose to that guy.

[Jackie]

So we'll find out if Dave wins, though. Days like the Kingsley.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, so. So that. That's kind of like Dave's.

[Steve Fury]

Dave's.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dave thinks he. White Sox. Dave has a little bit of the Burt Kreischer in him. Yeah, he thinks he has the Mickey Mantle gene, but he threw faster than Rocket. Did he do anything else?

[Jackie]

No.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, so that would be two.

[Jackie]

Two.

[Kevin Clancy]

Two. I think three. I. I would say three is a king slayer.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, it's two more than like most people. So if you want to give it.

[Jackie]

To him once, you can kind of explain away. It's like as a challenge. Me and my buddy did two. It's like, all right. I beat people who think they're good at things.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is good. I think if you run around saying, I'm the Kingslayer, and you say. And someone says, what is that? And you're like, I threw a ball fast on someone and I want to erase one. I think you need like one more.

[Jackie]

Y. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

If. If you're gonna. Or people are gonna say you're a Kingsley, that's. You gotta have like one more kill on your resume. Yeah, but if you beat.

[Jackie]

Well, I mean, the Kingslayer only killed one king.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is true, actually.

[Jackie]

That is true. I gotta just kill one king, you know, one goat, you know?

[Kevin Clancy]

But yeah, if you know there's one company and there's a guy who says he can. But the only thing is, Dave made the challenge too. It's not like Cons runs around being like, I'm the fastest guy.

[Jackie]

Yeah, true.

[Kevin Clancy]

He's just like, you. I want to race you. So, yeah, he has to win. The pressure's on him.

[Jackie]

That's true.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because if Cons just goes out there and he's like, I never even brought up running. I'm just gonna go for a jog and beat you. Then. Then almost. This is absolutely make or break for White Sox Dave being a challenge barstool guy.

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

Because if you. If you lose this, it's like, well, that was your call out you know, boy, the rocket, that was one of the worst. Oh, that was like watching Mike Tyson in the ring the other night, watching the rocket just throw 62.

[Pav]

Have you guys seen the. Speaking of running the seven marathons in seven days across seven continents, I can't.

[Kevin Clancy]

Tell you how much I hate that seven marathon.

[Pav]

Back to back to back.

[Kevin Clancy]

There are people who do like 50 in, like 50 days. They're like, freaks out. They're like. They're absolute. And they're just. Did you see the. I don't know when it was from, but I posted on my Instagram there was this. There's like a sweeping camera or like someone on a truck, and there's this girl running the marathon, and she's got this Australian accent. She's like, I just shit myself, so can you not get my ass? And I. I know that's a thing that happens, but the fact that we just kind of accept that as a society is despicable. If you go do anything that makes you shit your pants, like, you should not be doing that. And you shouldn't. Certainly should not be able to be out in public and just be like, yeah, it happens during this activity that we all, like, sanction, people shit themselves and we just do it.

[Jackie]

Dude, fuck that.

[Kevin Clancy]

That should just be, like, outlawed. That should be. You cannot do that.

[Jackie]

I didn't do it this weekend, but I had fully accepted that I was going.

[Pav]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

Just for just being alive.

[Jackie]

I was. I was uptown. I was very sick. I got Shake Shack, like, Wednesday night and Shake Shack, most food poisoned person of all time. Shake Shack does not literally 100 times like, shake Shack. I have, like, lactose intolerant.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's something. It's something.

[Jackie]

It's. It's Shake Shack. It's like when I say I have a 90% chance of having stomach issues. Yeah. Is it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is it the burgers? Is the cheese burgers? For sure.

[Jackie]

The smoke shack. They'll get you. It's delicious. It's delicious.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I just do it knowing.

[Jackie]

I know I have full confidence I'm going to have a rough few days after this.

[Kevin Clancy]

Jesus, man.

[Jackie]

And I. I ordered it Wednesday night and Saturday. Saturday I was uptown and I was taking the subway back, and I remember seeing the doors open and seeing. I was. I was at Columbus Circle, and I was like, that's my house. And I was just standing there, and I was like, I'm gonna shoot. Like. Like, I was. I didn't. I didn't. But I was like. It was. Dude, it was so quick. I went from oh, man, I'm gonna shit my pants to. I'm gonna shit my pants. I didn't even finish the sentence of freaking out out of out about it before. I just went, well, this is gonna happen. So, like, whatever's whatever.

[Kevin Clancy]

What do you think you would do?

[Pav]

Wait, well, now I'm on the edge of my seat. Did you.

[Jackie]

No, no, I didn't do it. I got home, but it was like. It was. I was far. I mean, 59th is far away. I was on the local 59th, dude. And then I gotta get out. I gotta walk upstairs and walk up a bunch of stairs. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Get to the bathroom. Yeah.

[Jackie]

I think I just forgot to do it, to be honest. I think I got home, just sat on the couch.

[Kevin Clancy]

What do you think you would do in that scenario? Like, if it was visible now?

[Jackie]

This one. Go be visible, you said.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, I mean, I feel like it would be. It would be visible, I guess. Depends on what pants you're wearing.

[Jackie]

I know what pants I was. I was weirdly comfortable. I don't really know. I think.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think, like, visible, like. Like coming out of your. Like, I think if you're gonna.

[Jackie]

I think it was gonna look more like a wet pants situation. Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I think that's.

[Jackie]

I don't.

[Kevin Clancy]

Listen, if anybody ever shits their pants and it's like a full solid. That's. That's crazy.

[Jackie]

That would be crazy, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, it's usually an emergency. That's going to be like a situation like that if it's just like lumps in your pants. Like, you probably could have stopped that from happening.

[Steve Fury]

I think you just didn't try hard enough.

[Jackie]

The fucking mole rolls out. What the fuck?

[Kevin Clancy]

It's got to be a wet situation. I mean, like, if you, like. I think I would just sit on that subway. I was still until. Oh, fuck. I think I would be. I would just ride the subway until. I guess if I was standing up. If I was like, sitting down somehow, I think I would just be like, I'm gonna ride this until this car is empty. I'll ride this to like 3am and every time people, like, that's a homeless guy, whatever. Like, I'm just not standing up. There's no way I'm standing up anywhere. If you are going to see that. I should see.

[Jackie]

I was. I think that's why.

[Kevin Clancy]

Till I die.

[Jackie]

I think that's why I was calling. I was just like, whatever. Because, like, it was. It was gonna be standing. So then, like, I don't. I think it would make less of A mess standing. Whatever. We can talk about something new. What else is up? Jake? Paul. That was crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was crazy. How about, did you see Nice Heights? And this, this went under the radar. First of all, what's the Rosy Perez thing? What is that?

[Jackie]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

Is that a thing that I didn't know about?

[Jackie]

Yeah, she's done them before.

[Steve Fury]

Okay.

[Jackie]

She does like, Jake.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like, what is going on? She interviewed Mike prior to the fight. Full sit down interview. Which I think because I had not seen this since like 2002. I clicked on the link. It was just the interview transcribed. I have not seen that. Bold question. Yeah, regular text answer. I was like, I don't even think this interview happened. I think this is all made up. And clearly Mike Tyson's going through something because the interview with that little girl was insanity.

[Jackie]

Yeah, but he's always like, that's Mike Tyson.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, yeah, I mean, he's not, but.

[Jackie]

Like he, he's a long but term.

[Kevin Clancy]

Believer of no legacy.

[Jackie]

He's been like, I don't give a fuck for a long time. There's. There's another clip of him like, I don't know, this is probably the 90s, maybe 2000s, where he's got. They have all his heavyweight titles and they have them laid out. It might have been a 60 Minutes thing or whatever. And they're like, this is history right here. And he like picks one up, he's like, this is trash. Like, who gives a shit about this, this? And like, that was like 20 years ago.

[Kevin Clancy]

Probably a good take to have for a convicted rapist.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

To be like, this doesn't mean that much. There's more to life than these mounts.

[Pav]

Oh, is he convicted?

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, Big time convicted. I know it's a very. He is one of the all time. We just forgot about that. Like he's in the hangover and it's funny and I'm part of it. I like him. But I don't know. I mean, you don't like it? Like if that girl. Yeah, if I met that girl, she was like, why do you like him? I'd be like, I'm sorry, I. I shouldn't. Yeah, it's crazy. Just full blown convicted and with the.

[Jackie]

Jail right, like serve, like what's it like, five years? Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just learn about this. I had no idea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big time, big time rapist. And then it was floating around. It was floating around this, this, this like news cycle as like, you know, the timeline of events of Mike's life. And it was like in 1990, whatever, he was accused of rape and like went to court, something like that. It was like people were like, it got community notes. It was like he was convicted of rape and went to jail, he went.

[Jackie]

To court and then he kind of laid low for a few years.

[Kevin Clancy]

So yeah, that, that's a, that's a big one. Do you also know you, do you, you know about his four year old kid?

[Jackie]

No, four year old kid.

[Kevin Clancy]

Hanged herself by my accident, like on a treadmill. It had like, I think you know the cord to like stop you. Yeah, I guess was like, you know, they kind of like pull off now. I guess maybe they didn't. And she like got wrapped up in it and seven year old brother found the four year old sister. So that like you learn about like.

[Jackie]

That, I mean the rape somehow got worse than Panchen.

[Pav]

But then why was a 4 year old on treadmill?

[Kevin Clancy]

I think she was just playing with it. And apparently the story was like, the mother was like, where's your sister? Like, go find her. And that was it. So that made me feel bad for him. I was like this. But the interview with Rosie Perez, he was like like, kind of like the same sort of legacy shit being like legacy. And he was like, he's like, listen, man, I should be dead. I should be dead. So like, anything else is house, money. Like all my friends, they, they're dead. They OD'd, they've got AIDS. I, a girl with AIDS multiple times raw that just like went under the radar be like, yeah, I fucked these girls with AIDS a lot. It was like a lot, Rosie. Seriously, like a bunch of times.

[Jackie]

No wonder Mike Tyson thinks he's superhuman, dude, if I fucked a girl with AIDS repeatedly and didn't get aids, I'd look like fucking Hannibal burst. I can't die. I'm never gonna die.

[Kevin Clancy]

The response, it said Rosie Perez. And she said, that's crazy.

[Jackie]

Yeah, damn, Mike, you, wow. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But that, that fight went, I feel like it went from like, oh my, she's gonna kill him to like, oh, this is like sad and bad. To then like flip back being like, well, he made it the whole way though. And like now people are giving him his flowers for just standing in the ring for a fucking.

[Jackie]

I turned it off. I, I, I was, it's boxing is so funny, man. We're like, first of all, the first two fights were great. Or the first two fights from when I turned it on, the two Mexican guys. Mexicans brawl.

[Kevin Clancy]

Mexicans and chicks. Yeah, we said it.

[Jackie]

That's what I did. Kevin text me, Mexicans and chicks. Those two fights are great. And I was like, dude, I get that child daycare, like Fight Club because like, I bet kids are the same way. I bet kids can just whale on.

[Kevin Clancy]

There is a, like an inflection point of boxing.

[Jackie]

It stops pretending being like fun. And then. Well, that was dangerous.

[Kevin Clancy]

But also, also like the, if you like a heavyweight punch, like will knock you the out and end the fight. Whereas at a certain weight class, it's.

[Steve Fury]

Just for 12 rounds.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just like they're just eating the punches. They're not even trying to dodge them.

[Jackie]

Some 8 year old in Trenton, New Jersey can just literally like this.

[Kevin Clancy]

But yeah, I mean, but, but I.

[Jackie]

Turned that fight off. I watched like five rounds of that.

[Kevin Clancy]

And I was like, all right, I'm.

[Jackie]

Gonna put something, I'm gonna lie in this.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was worried he was gonna Don Baylor himself. Remember when Don Baylor broke his knee at the first pitch?

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like his knees were like, really? I was like, I'm not worried about his head. I'm worried about like a acl, like a knee popping out or something like that. But it is funny though, like after the fact, everyone was like, oh, told you so knew it. It's like nobody was saying that before the fight. Before the fight, he was like. There were people being like, he's old. But everyone was like, maybe.

[Jackie]

I mean, it's boxing, right? Like a puncher's chance he might land one.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's the only sport, no other sport in the world would you go watch a 6 year old do it, right? Like you know it, you know everyone's washed up. You wouldn't.

[Jackie]

I don't even think, I don't even think it's, it's boxing so much as Mike Tyson, like you could get, like, I wouldn't be like, agree.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, it's the, the, it's the only guy in the only sport so like that I, I give him respect for. Because like, like, even, even Dave being like, it was. I. I knew it. I knew it. It's like Dave, when Dave puts out million dollar bets when he like knows it. Yeah, it's like, why didn't you, why didn't you bet on, why didn't you bet on it? Why didn't you say this? Like, because everybody right before it was like, but maybe dude. And right away it was like, oh, of course. This is ridiculous. He's six. Like, like people who are 60 can't like get up out of chairs. And so like, no Chance.

[Jackie]

But have you ever seen him, Jackie? Like, have you really watched? He is ferocious. So violent.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, it is literally insane.

[Jackie]

It's scary.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, he used to. Not only would he win, he would. It would be like first round knockout. Like he has like eight seconds into a fight, just boom, see you later. Like, kill you. He was 20 and he won. He was the youngest heavyweight ever. Heavyweight champion ever. 20 years old. His parents were dead by like the time he was like 13. He was like addicted to drugs and living on the streets or whatever. At like 15, he would just kill.

[Jackie]

He was even like a little before my time, I think. Like, I think he was like late 80s, early 90s.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And I like. But I remember like my dad tell me about him. And then like watching clips like this, like, I think. I think the only like Tyson fight I ever saw was Lennox Lewis and Evander Holyfield. I think. So, like, that's like obviously end of his career.

[Kevin Clancy]

No, so. So he went to jail, came out. Like, we just got back in the ring and of course he's like the biggest ticket right away. Everyone's like, we got to see Mike fight again. First of all, he came out and he fought, fought Tommy O'Malley. Tommy, what's his. I always get mixed up with the fake character from Rocky. Yeah, it's something. Peter O'Malley. I think it's Peter O'Malley. He fought this like white Irish guy and it was like everybody, everybody bought the pay per view and I think it was like a first round knockout or something that was like really shitty. Like, it was a terrible result. And everyone was like, we bought this for that. So he. So he kept trying to like come back and he fought. He fought Evander Holyfield basically when he was like done being like the champ. And they, you know when they like kind of hug up and they. He just bites the top of zero off like, like flat. Like the chunk fell like.

[Jackie]

Man, Holy Field is still missing the top of his ear.

[Kevin Clancy]

He bit it off right there.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, and Amy Holyfield starts jumping around.

[Pav]

He's like, was his intention to bite?

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah.

[Jackie]

Oh, my God. And he's just like his foot like he bunned down ref to pick up.

[Kevin Clancy]

His piece of his flesh and he's just bleeding from his ear. It's. It was the. It's top like five craziest thing ever happened in sports. When that happened, it was bananas.

[Jackie]

I remember like where I was. I was at my uncle's house and.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like in the kitchen, these were like get together for. With Your friends pay per view, like, must watch sort of shit. He was like, big ticket. You gotta watch Mike Tyson fight. Even. Even, like two or three times after. It was like, you know, he's not the same. Yeah, it was gross, dude. And they just spray the water, I think. I think they kept fighting, right? Did he get DQed for that?

[Jackie]

I honestly don't remember. But, like, if you look at a holy field here now, like, he's missing. He's missing, like, half his ear. Not a half, but a good chunk of it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, he was like, absolutely. It was. It was always something, you know, it was always absolutely crazy with this guy. And then after all this, the conviction, the ear biting, he also had all these quotes where he, like, the real thing, the thing about fighting is you have to you, he was a violent, like, murderer that just like. Like, if he wasn't a boxer, I think he would have been, like, a murderer. Yeah, he, like, he channeled again, dead parents, I think, like, in and out of jail, drugs, all these problems. And like, a boxer, like a. What's his.

[Jackie]

Dude, he was. There was.

[Kevin Clancy]

Coach was like, took him in and. And like, you know, turned him into a fighter. And so it was like all of that channeled into boxing.

[Jackie]

He. There was a clip this weekend that was like, someone with this kind of trauma will just annihilate people. And it was him on the street. Like, again, it was one of those 60 Minutes type things. Like, he's older now and, like, showing where he grew up and, like, his thing. He's a big pigeon guy. He loved, like, honing pigeons, I think they're called. Yeah, like, he, like, he could, like, clap and stuff like that. He had, like, pigeons above his, like, Bronx apartment.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, kind of like that.

[Jackie]

And like, he did it, like, as a child when he was very young. He was a pigeon guy. And he's telling a story about when he was, like, 13 and some kid saw him on the street, came up to him with one of his pigeons and goes, hey, Mike, you. You fat N word. And then rips the pigeon's head off. And the video was like, dude, I would never get in the ring with someone with this kind of trauma. Like, someone ripped your bed head off in front of you.

[Pav]

Wait, this was, like, in school. This was, like, a bully.

[Jackie]

I think it was, like, on the streets.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even know if he was in school. Yeah, he literally is like, an orphan born, like, and raised on the streets of New York until somebody, like, took him in and said, we're Going to turn you into a killing murder. Like, we're going to put gloves on your hands, but you're going to go try to kill everyone you see inside. We're going to put you inside this square with ropes. We're going to put gloves on your hands, and then we're gonna tell you to murder the person. And he did. And he murdered, like, everybody instantly.

[Steve Fury]

He.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then, yeah, he had all these pet. He had pet. Those cost $250,000 a year to maintain. He had, like, two or three wet white tigers that were, like, 75 grand a pop and $250,000 of care a year.

[Pav]

Continue with his pigeon.

[Kevin Clancy]

He actually says he regrets the. The pets, but that's where. And then. So after all that, the hangover. The hangover shift started. Yeah, because that was. The scene in the movie was that they had to, like, they stole Mike Tyson's tiger.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. So. And. And it just became this, like, lovable, like, monster thing, you know, like Shrek, almost like he's playing the piano and he's got the list.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, the tattoo.

[Kevin Clancy]

Remember he came out with the tattoo?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, that was crazy. As the fucking tribal thing around his head. For the first, you know, half of his career, he didn't have that. And then all of a sudden, we were like, people. Like, Mike Tyson got a face tattoo, which now, like, every rapper under the sun has it. But back then, a face tattoo was like, you are fucking psychotic.

[Jackie]

Yeah, it was a big deal. And he was also. I don't know if the tattoo was when he was sober, but then he got sober for, like, 20 years. And then after, like, 20 years of being sober, he's like, I've been doing cocaine the whole time. You guys thought I was sober. Telling you you're sober. Not even for a second.

[Kevin Clancy]

And now he's just a fucking stoner. His podcast is called Hotbox with Mike. He just gets, like, super, super blazed and talks to people. So this whole, like, given all of that, I do give him credit for, like. And then I don't know how this, like, went under the radar. He said when he was training for the fight, he almost died. Yeah, that was out there.

[Jackie]

Oh. Because the fight was supposed to be a while ago. So they pushed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay. Okay. I don't remember that being, like. I guess remember being pushed, but I don't think I remember it being like he almost died.

[Jackie]

Yeah, it was. It was like, I knew he had. I don't know how.

[Steve Fury]

Eight.

[Kevin Clancy]

Eight quarts of blood or something like that. And so it's a very. I forget that people, like, don't know these things now. Yeah, it's a very weird. It's like, I just assume that everybody knows about Mike Tyson because it was just, like, such a part of everything, but it's like, yeah, I understand you guys not knowing about an athlete from the 80s.

[Pav]

Are you guys up to date on the whole Tommy Fury, Molly May thing?

[Kevin Clancy]

No.

[Pav]

Like, so real quick, basically, like, Molly May and Tommy Fury, they've met on Love island, right? Molly May is like, like, the most perfect. Whatever. They broke up a while ago, and people were like, what happened? Like, you guys were, like, the cutest couple ever. And then, like, there were, like, rumors of him cheating, but people were like, I don't know. And then this, like, girl went on this podcast, and, like, she's just not even slightly cute, and she was, like, sitting there smiling. Like, the video. You kind of have to see the video. And she's sitting there smiling, being like, yeah, you have to see the video.

[Jackie]

And he. Her.

[Kevin Clancy]

And that's why.

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Did you guys watch any of the UFC fight that was actually good? No, dude, The. The UFC fight.

[Kevin Clancy]

Fill me in so I can do the rundown.

[Jackie]

By the way, was. I pull. Pull up the. This would be the last thing I. The kick for the Jon Jones kick.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, I did see that. That back kick that just destroyed that.

[Jackie]

Dude getting that kick. And then someone punches you in the face, I'd be like, what the man?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like that. To me, I'd rather get hit in the face than what that happened.

[Jackie]

He gets in a car accident, and then they don't. I'd be like, call this fight immediately.

[Kevin Clancy]

He does a back kick, like, to his stomach, and the guy just goes down.

[Jackie]

Like.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, that was obviously the one we just saw. Is that, like, half speed. He just fucking watches. It's not really particularly fast either, but I guess when you.

[Jackie]

Boom, boy.

[Kevin Clancy]

The guy's just like, I'm done. And then pow, pow.

[Jackie]

But the. The fight, if he kicked me in.

[Kevin Clancy]

The stomach like that. Death.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I would die.

[Kevin Clancy]

That would like, that. Would the Trump dance in front of Trump, which is fucking.

[Jackie]

The Trump did that. That. I think I've come around on the whole thing now.

[Kevin Clancy]

What Trump?

[Jackie]

I'm just like. I'm just like. I'm good at living in reality. So people are like, this is the world we live in. I'm like, fine. This is. We're going to live is where we're going to live.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right? Right? And, like, just join the circus, bro. Stop trying to Fight it.

[Jackie]

Yeah, Just have fun with it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Honestly, at this point, fuck it.

[Jackie]

Like, it's. It's like between Twitter, everyone going nuts. I'm like, aren't these all the people who are like, we can't have politics and sports. Yeah. Aren't these the people who told me that, like, it's the taking and, like, which politics. Where we go. Which is where we go to escape from it, right? And then. And then it's the President is sitting there, who is the. He's a billionaire tycoon, and then he's sitting next to the richest man in the world who got his money from apartheid South Africa. And then he's sitting next to a Kennedy, and then he's sitting next to Kid Rock. And then we're like, this is the party, the working class. And I'm like, all right, boys, let's fucking do it. Hell yeah. Michael Chandler, pick that guy up, spike him on the ground, do it in front of the President. Let's fucking party. Let's fucking party. If you want party, I'll fucking party. Like, when Chandler picked it up, I was like, who's going fucking banana?

[Kevin Clancy]

These guys all eat.

[Jackie]

Yeah, dude, if you. If you fucking were to make a cartoon of America, you were like.

[Kevin Clancy]

You were like, Donald Trump, McDonald's, R.F.

[Jackie]

Kennedy, and an emerald, the son of an emerald farmer, they fly on a private jet to a combat sports, and they eat McDonald's on the way home. You're like, that's America, baby.

[Kevin Clancy]

I did. My favorite caption was making the new guy in the gang do drugs to know he's cool. He hated just being like.

[Jackie]

I was like, this is incredible. This is.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, obviously it's, like, funny, but there is a level of, like, it's the greatest con of all time again, like, and I think Donald Trump has, like, said it to people at these rallies. Like, I don't even like you people. Donald Trump would spit on all of you the minute he saw you. He would step over your dead body. And they're all like, the working hero. I guess he does that shit, though. He just, you know, all he's got to do is that he worked the drive thru once and he got in that truck. That's all you had to do. I once sat in a truck and I went to McDonald's for 15 minutes. I'm the working class hero. You're a billionaire. Fucking, you know, evil. Like, these guys are like the super villains almost all.

[Jackie]

And you can do this with any billionaire, but, like, almost all of their origin stories, you like, is that. Is that like a. From a movie?

[Kevin Clancy]

Right.

[Jackie]

Your dad was an emerald farmer in apartheid South Africa, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Right. And you stole your ideas. This person. Business seller.

[Jackie]

Emeralds. Emerald something.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's it called? A dealer. Right? Like a dealer.

[Jackie]

Emerald dealer. Yeah, like that. Even that in and of itself, you're like an emerald dealer, right? Yeah, but.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then even the. The dance, like, when Trump does the dance, I mean, it's the goofiest thing in the world, but everyone's just like, oh, this is amazing.

[Jackie]

This is amazing.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like, well, okay, all right. I don't want to be the loser.

[Jackie]

Okay? It's like. It's funny, man. It's awesome. It's. It's. It's perfectly recapturing, like, gladiators where they're like, in front of the king or.

[Kevin Clancy]

In front of season dude. Like, yeah. Like, you know, and it's like. It's like there is a primal thing that goes on with a lot of people where, like, that's what they want.

[Jackie]

I also love it.

[Kevin Clancy]

You think we've grown past that? I don't think so. I mean, Jon Jones, he's also. He's another. Is a blatant cheater, right? Like, he's. He's a fucking. He's done steroids, like, and he's got caught, like, a thousand times.

[Jackie]

I don't know if he was steroid. He definitely failed drug test, but I thought it was because of coke. Oh.

[Steve Fury]

Oh.

[Kevin Clancy]

I thought it was, like, cheating. Cheating.

[Jackie]

It was definitely coke, but he has, like, a bunch of domestic charges.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Yeah. He's just, like, a bad dude. And people just. They, I'm not marrying the guy. I want to watch him kill somebody. And that's where I think we. We lost the thread a little bit, where it's like, like the same. It's like, I'm not marrying the dude. It's like, I'm not voting him for president. He's a cool guy. And then we just voted for president.

[Jackie]

It's like, all right, I think we.

[Kevin Clancy]

Went a little far, but okay, let's go. I don't care that much until it affects your day to day, and then if it does, then you're fucked. It's like, I, you know, I hope it doesn't.

[Jackie]

The. What was the other thing I saw this weekend? Oh, you want to know how. How dumb I am? Like, how dumb are you? Like, I got really proud of myself this weekend because I solved a. A Internet question from 10 years ago. I remember it's like, always, like, hey, can you complete a pass in an NFL game?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Like, could you pass like one pass? Blah, blah, blah. Like watching football this weekend, I was like, jet sweep. I could do a jet sweep. Yes. I can complete a pass. And I was like, I'm the smartest guy in the world.

[Kevin Clancy]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Steve Fury]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

You went and did it or you.

[Jackie]

Know, just like, I could complete a jet sweep.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know if you could.

[Jackie]

I like, like for.

[Kevin Clancy]

What do you mean? Like, like, like when the question like.

[Jackie]

Could you complete a pass in NFL game? I can do a jet sweep. Yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think you might get lit up. I don't know.

[Jackie]

Will you be like a jet sweepers with a fucking. Got the running. The wide receiver comes running back in front of you and you just throw the ball in the air like this.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And he catches it and runs. It's a handoff.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Yeah. I just think you're slow.

[Jackie]

But I don't have to do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I think by the time the.

[Jackie]

Ball that suggests I don't do anything. I don't even move. He runs in front of me and I throw it in the air.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, you. Oh, I thought you meant you're getting the. No, I'm completing the pass. It's okay. Okay. I thought you meant you're getting the ball. And I was like, I think someone.

[Jackie]

You couldn't even comprehend it. That's how genius.

[Kevin Clancy]

So you're taking. But you're the quarterback. You're taking the quarterback.

[Jackie]

That's not jet sweet though.

[Kevin Clancy]

I could see a scenario that was a handoff. I could see a scenario where you maybe.

[Jackie]

I'm not saying what a jet sweep is. Right. Okay. So I'm not saying what a jet sweep is. The one where they run in front of you and you kind of throw it in the air. It's this one. Right.

[Kevin Clancy]

So instead of. But it's the same idea of like your shotgun. He runs in front and you just kind of hold it.

[Jackie]

I just pop it up in the air.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I guess you probably could do that.

[Jackie]

100% could do that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

That's easy.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was thinking like you. Yeah. Because it's like the line still will block. You still have professional lineman blocking for you.

[Jackie]

For him. I already completed my path. My job's done.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. I was thinking if there's a way like that someone could like blow up the line and you get clocked before you even do it. But that would just be like the line.

[Jackie]

I thought for sure that was called a jet sweep. What's it Called whatever. People know the play I'm talking about. They. I think it was. I was watching the Georgia game. I think someone. They thought Georgia fumbled, but it was actually a pass because it was. It was throwing it forward. Whatever that play is called, I can do that. Bam. I solved you riddle.

[Kevin Clancy]

I almost got a fight again with it. A coach in football, this coach, such a man, he ran out the clock in a game with 7 year olds. Like, we. There's not even a scoreboard. I. I was like, I don't even know what the score is, dude. And he, he chose to run out the clock rather than like, let the kids play. And I was, I said to him, I was like, you're really going to run the clock out? He's this gigantic black dude. He looks like almost like Dokes from. From Dexter.

[Jackie]

Like, like, that's like how he talks too.

[Kevin Clancy]

I was like, I mean, he would. At one point, he. We had a kid older brother on the sideline who was like yelling things out. Be like, watch this. Like, watch that quarterback. Like, they're gonna go there. Which is like a little bit grimy, but like, he's 12.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, yelling to his brother, like, watch the kid in the backfield. And he leans over, he goes, my man, you're cheating in a game with 7 year olds. Which at that point he had been such a hard all day. And I'm like, oh, now we're gonna do the youth sports thing. And he, the kid was like, I'm just like helping my brother.

[Jackie]

And he goes, I've been calling from the stands. What? Like, fair game, fair game, fair game.

[Kevin Clancy]

And he goes, I'm gonna send one of my other sons to come see you. I was like, I was like, it's not my kids. I'm not gonna get involved. But if you told me you were going to send your sons to like, threaten my kid, I was like, I mean, I can't beat you up or you have to see me right now. You're gonna smoke me. He was. I. He. He kept. He was screaming, that's how you win. That's how you win. And then we were scoring touchdowns. We were yelling back at him and shit. I was like. I was under my breath.

[Jackie]

I was like, fuck you.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was intense.

[Pav]

I have a riddle.

[Steve Fury]

Ooh, a riddle. Let's go.

[Pav]

But that you were talking.

[Jackie]

I'll catch you in about a decade. But.

[Pav]

Oh, okay, so it's not a riddle. I was in Central park and I was just thinking about this nonstop for the past three days. I'm in the middle of Central Park. Like, the middle. So it takes like 15 minutes to get to the. Like 20 minutes to get to the middle, no matter where you are. Like, minimum, right? Yeah, probably. Like, if you're coming from whatever in the middle. I see this couple walking. Like, not a couple. It was a boy and a girl. And she goes, wait, and where are you from? And I was like, trying to think of this scenario, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

You wouldn't know that, but you'd be where?

[Pav]

You wouldn't know that, but you're in the middle of Central Park. Because if it's a first date, let's just say it's a first date. Then, like, maybe you're. Maybe you, like, told a story at first and then you didn't get. Like, the first thing that you know about somebody when you go on a first date is always name and where they're from, right? So, like, it probably we.

[Jackie]

Can I.

[Kevin Clancy]

Can I stop you real quick?

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

What if they met in the middle?

[Pav]

No, no, no, they didn't. Because it was like, you could just tell that it wasn't. So then I was like, then it has to be. It can't be like a hinge or something like that, because then you already know where they're from. So maybe it's got to be like. The only explanation is like, it's a friend of a friend and they. They met at the outskirts and they like, he told some hilarious story to start that got them to the middle. Because also, it wasn't because they didn't know each other before. Because the tone in which she said it wasn't like, oh, and like, wait, wait, where are you even from? It was like, and where are you from?

[Steve Fury]

You know, so first time.

[Pav]

It was the first time, like, whatever. How do you get to the middle of Central park with somebody without knowing where they're from? And it wasn't like you could tell, like, they were walking together. I've been thinking about this literally non stop for the past, like, three days.

[Jackie]

I actually, like, I completely disagree with you.

[Pav]

What do you mean?

[Jackie]

I don't. Why would I know where you're from?

[Pav]

You. You're on a first date. Maybe like, maybe you're just like friends.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, the guy definitely is not gonna know.

[Jackie]

There's a little bit of wrinkle.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was the girl.

[Pav]

Yeah, the girl. Exactly. You're like, if you're going on a first date in the middle of Central park, first of all, you might. You're doing research to make sure he's not a Serial killer.

[Kevin Clancy]

That might be true for a girl. That's like, I'm thinking from a guy point of view. You could tell me at the start of the walk and two minutes in, I'd be like, wait, where are you from again? Yeah, and I might do that three more times. And then. And then we'd be like two years in the relationship. Like, what's like, that's all very possible.

[Pav]

A girl probably has reason to be in the middle of Central park and not know where the person's from. Your right.

[Jackie]

I. I guess again, maybe you're thinking about being killed and raped and stuff like. Like this took over.

[Pav]

I didn't have headphones. I was just like, I gotta think about something.

[Jackie]

Like, I. I don't know. I. And the way you're phrasing it, like, I would ask that where. I'm like, I'm pretty sure I know where you're from, but where you're from again, also.

[Pav]

No, no, exactly. But it wasn't that.

[Kevin Clancy]

But wait, and why didn't they meet in the middle? How do you know that? What if it was just like, meet at the fountain and then the walks.

[Jackie]

I think there's too many fountains in Central Park.

[Kevin Clancy]

But like, if you're saying, like, meet at, like, the thing, like, whatever it is in the middle, like, meet here and then your walk started there.

[Jackie]

I've.

[Kevin Clancy]

I've been on the walk for one minute.

[Jackie]

I've met people in Central park enough that I don't meet people in Central Park. I'm like, meet me outside. If we want to go inside, we can go.

[Kevin Clancy]

But it is a possible thing.

[Jackie]

But there's like, so much answer to your riddle.

[Kevin Clancy]

It'd be like we started our walk and we just started talking.

[Pav]

An answer to the riddle. But. But it's. That's still weird. That's.

[Kevin Clancy]

What if you just picked her up, like, on the spot, like, went up to her and started talking.

[Pav]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, no, because you could just tell it was like an intention. But you don't even do that. I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore. That was a possible thing like ten years ago.

[Pav]

Okay.

[Kevin Clancy]

If you were walking in Central Park.

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

With a guy.

[Pav]

It is where he's from.

[Kevin Clancy]

If it was you, let us know game to play.

[Pav]

If you don't have headphones, like, you listen to somebody's like, the middle of their I hate you try and like, not even.

[Jackie]

I get so mad. Sorry.

[Pav]

Make up a story for. For what it could possibly be.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Oh, good old Eavesdrop.

[Jackie]

Come on. No, I hate it. I like, I get mad when people point it out. Like, did you hear what they just said? No, I'm minding my goddamn business. I didn't hear what they said.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, but there are people who are like, you know, loud and obnoxious. It's like they're not trying to hear you. You're being like you're in a fight or you're doing something absurd.

[Jackie]

Then I'll actively not pay attention to you.

[Kevin Clancy]

But, like, that's good old fashioned reality tv.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Fury]

You don't like that?

[Jackie]

The, the other thing I forgot to mention during ufc, the guy who fought Bo Nickel, who I think he's like, I don't. I'm not a UFC guy, but I watched that fight. Like, I think he's kind of hopefully being groomed into, like a good guy. Like, he was a, he was a Penn State wrestler who was really good. Like, I think they want to be big. He's the most boring dude. I can't see how it works out well that, like in the pre fight interviews, the post fight interview, I was like, get this guy off the fucking tv. But the dude he was fighting, Paul Smith, maybe I forget, he's a Scottish guy and his nickname is the Bear Jew. Not Jewish. Won't address where it came from.

[Kevin Clancy]

Got to address that. If you're not a Jew, you got to address where it came from.

[Jackie]

I, I think I saw. I googled it this weekend too. It feels like the Bear Jew. Obviously. I knew it from Glorious Bastards. I didn't know if that was a reference. It feels like it's just the Inglorious Bastards character. Yeah, I don't know if they, if.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, no, that's, that's, that's, that's.

[Jackie]

See if he was a real guy, though, like the, like, like actually in World War II. Because the, that Nazi hunter crew was real, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jackie]

Okay, so he is a real guy. Okay, so maybe it just means he kills Nazis, which is good, but it doesn't. Like, every time they kept saying I was. I don't think we can say that, dude. I think maybe Jewish people can say it. I don't think we can have nicknames like, I'm the Bear Jew.

[Kevin Clancy]

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[Jackie]

Do I do that question?

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

We'll do that. As one of the voicemails.

[Kevin Clancy]

One I got, I got a DM from a guy. Let me, let me read it so I can give him credit. One of the all time great questions jumped out like, like, I was like, this is a, this is a beauty. I sent it to you. Right pass. Okay. He DM'd me. He said, I don't want to. He's like, I can't be on camera for the video, but would you rather his name was Ryan. Shout out to Ryan. Would you rather have all the porn you watch the rest of your life feature Andy Reid or all your favorite sports teams for the rest of your life is coached by Riley Reid. Let's go. I think Riley Reid. I think football's tough. The rest of these coaches are like figureheads who are like running the locker room. And I think Riley Reid could eventually figure that out. I don't need to see any, any Reed's walrus ass up in my porn. Now the flip side, I'm watching so much less porn as I get older that it's like, that's yes me. This one, I'm like in my 20s.

[Jackie]

Yeah, you got a factor that in, like, I'm going Andy Reid in my opinion.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, the other side of it is you want and you're reading your porn. Cuz it's like funny.

[Jackie]

But no, I don't like funny porn. I like. I like my porn.

[Kevin Clancy]

What if. What if Andy.

[Jackie]

I like my porn. I like my porn. Fucking sexy, dude. I'm not here for the yucks.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And kind of here for the yucks.

[Jackie]

The Andy Reid. At least in the porn I watch, the man isn't super heavily focused. So like you get porn. Are you watching just regular porn? It's like there's a dick going in there, but it's focused on the girl. There's not a ton of fucking.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's almost worse. I'd rather see Andy Reid's whole body than like just his dick area going in. I don't like. Like if you got the position of girl on top, reverse cowgirl, but kind of laying on you or you just see the dick. Like if I saw that of just Annie Reid where you see like his ass and dick, but that's. I'd rather just see a fat Annie Reid like doggy style from like the pan from the profile than the dick. I don't want any Reed's undercarriage area anywhere near me.

[Jackie]

The. I wouldn't want that either. But like that's. That's not. That's not where that's.

[Steve Fury]

That.

[Jackie]

That's like an old porn angle. They don't.

[Kevin Clancy]

What porn are you watching where you don't see the guy a lot? What do you mean?

[Jackie]

I don't know.

[Kevin Clancy]

I like guys are pretty prominent.

[Jackie]

If you asked me, like what guy is like, I recognize male porn stars. But if you were like, like most of the porn, I'd be like, I don't know who the.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is most of the porn, but it's in that book is a page about how we used to search for guy names over girl names of porn. So there's plenty of guys.

[Jackie]

Plenty of guy. But like you can, you can get by. I'm being like, true.

[Kevin Clancy]

You don't need it.

[Jackie]

I wish that guy wasn't a fat 60 year old. You can get over it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't know, man. Cuz that that's also. That's like the Ron White joke. It's like porn is gay because the guy matters, right? So.

[Jackie]

But like I've watched fucking Ron Jeremy porn. It's. That's Andy Reid porn. He's got a mustache, big fat guy.

[Kevin Clancy]

That was. That was humanity at its lowest. People being like, we're gonna watch, you know, Ron Jeremy is no pull, you know? Yeah, you're gonna. When I Tell you, this man was, before you do it, one of the biggest male porn stars ever. Ever. It's him. Are you ready for this at that age, too? At that age. That's not like, oh, he was a hot man.

[Jackie]

Like, that's what he looks.

[Kevin Clancy]

What he looked like in the porn.

[Jackie]

And you know what?

[Kevin Clancy]

That's the porn.

[Jackie]

He, like, his dick wasn't even that good.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was big, but it wasn't a good day.

[Jackie]

It was like, it, like, I, I.

[Kevin Clancy]

It was a weird, like, curved one and he had a fat belly underneath it. Pull up the. There's a. I guess that then. But like, but he went well into the 90s, so it was like. I actually didn't know that. That makes it a little bit different. I thought he, like, started in the 90s and it was just like, look at this fat guy. Yeah, he was like a Burt Reynolds type, but he, you know, he's Mike Tyson. He should have hung it up. He looks like that picture of. Is it Saddam Hussein or is it Gaddafi? There's one guy with the.

[Jackie]

That's insane.

[Kevin Clancy]

What?

[Jackie]

You just referenced Gaddafi.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, yeah, it's one of them. That he had, like, a ripped T shirt.

[Jackie]

That's. That's Saddam.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's Saddam. Yeah. When we, like, caught Saddam, right? He was like, in a hole.

[Jackie]

I'm pretty sure it's Saddam.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a famous, like, dictator who was caught and he's got a T shirt that's ripped and he just looks like exactly like Ron Jeremy. And that was like the biggest thing in porn. He was all. He was in, like, the Girls Gone Wild videos. And it was like, it was almost the worst because it. If there's porn stars who were like, hey, we worked in the industry with this guy, and now he's old, but we're like him. But he was in, like, Girls Gone Wild, so it was like regular, like, college girls being like, there it is, that one. Who's that?

[Jackie]

Oh, it's not that 911. These are 911 guy. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Khalid Muhammad. That's, that's Ron Jeremy. Important, Harry. Everyone was like, yeah, he's the guy. What that. Whether consciously or subconsciously fucked with me as like, a teenage kid being like, wait, what? This is what the girls want. What do you fucking mean? Disgusting. Riley being your coach, you know, I don't think she's going to be an X is an O's girl, but I think she could help a clubhouse gel. You know, the. I think she's a, she's a, she's a good Personality. She's doing, like, podcasts and shit, I think.

[Jackie]

No, she's definitely a good person.

[Kevin Clancy]

Baseball coach, a great baseball manager. But, like, the best sports you could succeed at is baseball. Football. You have to, like, really know your.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So unless she's some football savant that I don't know about. Riley, I apologize. Basketball, you still got to kind of. You're coaching in game. Baseball is like, keep the fellas happy from April to September, you know, make sure everyone's good. And I think she could do that.

[Jackie]

I, I, I do think that you're right in that sense.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even mean that sexually, by the way.

[Jackie]

No, no. I think you could be, like, a team. Could be like, this is ridiculous.

[Kevin Clancy]

Coach Riley is like, you end up.

[Jackie]

Having camaraderie over the fact that you're like, our coach is not qualified to coach.

[Kevin Clancy]

Exactly.

[Jackie]

We can't, we can't, fellas. We can't listen to coach. This happens with us.

[Kevin Clancy]

Right? Right.

[Jackie]

So there is a. There is the argument that team chemistry could be built by Rye coach, but I still think you just want Andy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Reid in your porn, bro.

[Jackie]

Like, I, I also, but, like, it's the better chances that I can get off with a fat guy, a hot chick. Then Riley Reed wins the championship. Stanley Cup.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's true. At the end of the day, you're just getting off.

[Jackie]

Yeah, you're just, you're just, you're just.

[Kevin Clancy]

Throwing on the floor, tossing squids.

[Jackie]

I've beat off in, like, porta Potties before. That sounds like a true story. You ever had a hangover on the construction site? Come on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Bro. I have never. I. When I look in those porta Potties and I just see, like, everything. I've never considered that there's coming there. What if there's just. That's all come. Dude, those are just. When people, like, pick their phone out of a Porta Potty. You have to be the poorest alive before I. Oh, jerking off in a porta Potty is despicable.

[Jackie]

Actually, that sounds, that sounds like something.

[Kevin Clancy]

That sounds like a guy who's working construction.

[Jackie]

I'll be honest. I think I've hit every base in a Porta Potty. I've definitely fucked in a Porta Potty.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is more reasonable than jerking off.

[Jackie]

For sure.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. That's, like, how we're into it. We can't stop each other. This is just like, I gotta tug my dick and I'm gonna go inside.

[Jackie]

Of a toilet to do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

When you go into Porta Potty, you're in inside of a toilet.

[Jackie]

We ended up building, like, a nap room after that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Those we can't be. You can't keep beating off a Porta Potter. So everybody's doing it. It's me and my friend. Like, I did. So I built this little room. Oh, my God. It was more for napping, but if you got a pull putty, you gotta pull putty, bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is what I mean, though. Things like that, like, that ain't happening later in life. Yeah, yeah, I. I can control myself now. Back then, it's like, I just. I have to do it right now, dude.

[Jackie]

I am surrounded by feces, yet I'm still so horny. I have to take care of this.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is why, by the way, when girls are like, I love sex, too. No, I need it. It's like, have you ever masturbated in a toilet?

[Jackie]

No.

[Steve Fury]

So shut the up.

[Kevin Clancy]

You don't need it, okay? You need it because you want a boy to like you, bro. I need it because I'm a pig.

[Jackie]

I was, like, 19, hungover. Shit.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude. You know, like, I'm just thinking, like, breathing in the air while you're, like.

[Jackie]

Breathe through your mouth instead.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think my kids are getting too old for me to talk about, like, this. Great question, though, but you're right. At the end of the day, just getting off is something that you can do through the. The most adversarial of circumstances. Whereas winning, like, a championship or your team being good is, like, it's gonna take a lot, dude.

[Jackie]

The. The fact that we were just talking about, like, sex and you bringing up your kids reminded me that I had. I had.

[Kevin Clancy]

Damn it, dude.

[Jackie]

I know.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just did it. But the way you said it back.

[Jackie]

To back like that. But I had the thought the other day that, like, I am the age that my parents were when I would start being like, you think mom and dad still have sex? Like, yeah, right, right.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it's like, guess what?

[Jackie]

I'm still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I. They. I mean, I was probably like, I'm 36. I was probably 13. So, like, I was 13, and I'd be like, mom and dad, don't ask.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, dude, they were doing things.

[Jackie]

They were having sex.

[Kevin Clancy]

They were doing things in holes and places.

[Jackie]

They were having sex. They were watching porn. They were beat off in Porta Potties. Like. Like, it is.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's happening.

[Jackie]

It's crazy to think now that, like, people be like, easter, does he still have sex, you think?

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, well, that's like, you know. But That's. That's like when a BELLA Danger said 50 was, like, the oldest things you could fathom. Yeah, like when you're young like that 36 is ancient. Yeah, no, I was. I'm eating your mom's eggs.

[Jackie]

Mom.

[Kevin Clancy]

We did analyst.

[Jackie]

I'm sending text. Can't wait till that piece of ass gets home. All right. Jackie didn't like that. Not at all. That was not a good Jack.

[Pav]

I have no energy today, and this is just not. I'm just gonna tap out.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's how you stop having sex.

[Jackie]

By the way. KFC fights Jackie Pavs. Ignore the voice. I know. It's ridiculously deep and I'm like, the skinniest dude ever. It makes no sense.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, Bro, what a weird intro.

[Jackie]

All right, pause that real quick.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, let me just talk about my cool voice and how skinny I am.

[Jackie]

I don't know, dude. Like, he seemed like a regular looking guy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude. Regular looking guy. Also, like, it's a deep voice, but.

[Jackie]

It'S not like, whoa, stop the video.

[Kevin Clancy]

How about you just say your question? Dude, I don't need the whole life story, dude.

[Jackie]

Imagine if golden pupils walk around going like, I know. I'm the skinniest guy ever. He just passed.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I actually. I actually.

[Jackie]

It's crazy. Clothes stay on me. I can't imagine how I would say.

[Kevin Clancy]

Looking at that, he kind of looks like a big guy.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, at least a tall guy. I would definitely just not be like, oh, he's a ski string bean.

[Jackie]

Look at this.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, you look at Clemer over here.

[Jackie]

You know, guys, don't make a big deal out of it. I'm coming. I know, I know. You're a regular ass guy. Dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

Regular voice, regular dude. He has a little bit deeper of a voice.

[Jackie]

I know. I just shed so much weight.

[Kevin Clancy]

You can barely see me, guys.

[Jackie]

You can barely see me.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't even know if we need the question. Thank you for the material, sir. Good. Oh, this guy sucks. What's up, guys?

[Jackie]

KFC fights Jackie Pavs. Ignore the voice.

[Kevin Clancy]

I know.

[Jackie]

It's ridiculously deep and I'm like, the skinniest dude ever. So I was going back. Skinniest ever. I cannot.

[Kevin Clancy]

That is the strangest fucking thing ever.

[Jackie]

If anything, you could lose a pound or two in the face. Looks like a big dude, get fat hands, ridiculously skinny, ridiculously deep, and I'm the skinniest guy ever.

[Kevin Clancy]

What?

[Jackie]

What?

[Kevin Clancy]

I guess so.

[Steve Fury]

Let's try.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think we might have to start after that. I might lose it again.

[Jackie]

I might Lose it again. You might be confused. Why the this house behind me? Like, I know I don't need that much. I'm so small. I just. All I need is a little shed. I know this little muskrat must live in a tree. One more time.

[Steve Fury]

Let's go.

[Kevin Clancy]

One more time.

[Jackie]

Time.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's up, guys?

[Jackie]

KFC fights. Jackie Pavs. Ignore the voice.

[Kevin Clancy]

Ridiculously deep.

[Jackie]

And I'm like, the skinniest dude ever. It makes no sense. Anyway. Hey, guys, I'll be right back. I got sandwich. This is great. And I was watching the one about fantasy football punishments, and it just unlocked core memory that I have of a.

[Kevin Clancy]

League me and my buddies were in.

[Jackie]

About 10 years ago. And that year we decided to make the punishment for the loser that they had to eat an entire pineapple followed by an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips.

[Kevin Clancy]

And if they needed something to drink.

[Jackie]

They were allowed lemonade. That guy was me.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, the earring. I just saw the earring and it.

[Jackie]

Just got me thinking. What is the worst state or condition your mouth has ever been in? How do I say this?

[Kevin Clancy]

My mouth was the aftermath of Chernobyl.

[Jackie]

For about a week after that, it was DEF CON1.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would take the drinking orange juice, brushing your teeth combo any day over that.

[Jackie]

It was hell. So, yeah. What's the worst thing you've ever had your mouth go through, Viva?

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, unfortunately for skinny guy here, I mean, trench mouth is gonna take the cake on this.

[Jackie]

Trench mouth. Yeah. Well, actually, I guess there are two things that I've never talked about on the show.

[Kevin Clancy]

Never happened.

[Jackie]

Trent Mouse. Never been on the show. Wow.

[Kevin Clancy]

Okay, we already know the answer here.

[Jackie]

I had trench mouth once where I. I woke up. Well, honestly, I'll give the. I've lived this, too.

[Kevin Clancy]

I've done this.

[Jackie]

Remember? Remember we talked about this? We did at the super bowl last year, where you're like, are the cameras out? But we never put out a vlog or anything. When I went to the hospital because I ate too much pineapple. Remember that? No, dude, I was a child. I was telling you the story, and we called. We called my mom, and she was like, yeah. She just kept feeding me pineapple. She was like, I know you wanted pineapple.

[Kevin Clancy]

Beautiful.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

You had, like, a huge bowl of it, right?

[Jackie]

My mouth went completely numb. It was like an acid. And I could only talk like that. And, like, I was crying, but I was sitting in front of the TV watching 1992, the year in Sports. A Sports Illustrated tape I had. Yes, I would watch on repeat. I'D be like, more pineapple. My mom would bring in a new bowl of pineapple, and I'd hammer it. And I. I had to go to the hospital. Like, they're like, his face is falling off. That's right. And then. Yeah, trench mouth was. I woke up one morning, and I had. I had very gray gums. I had a mouthful of blood. I woke up with a mouthful of blood, which is an unnerving way to wake up. Like, that's a thick gene. I went and spit it in the sink, and I was like, oh, it's blood. And so I called my dentist, and I was like, I was home at the time. And I was like, yo, my mouth is bleeding from everywhere. And. And he was like, all right, can you. I got opening at 1. And I was like, dude, it's like 7:30 in the morning. Like, I'll just spit this blood all day. So I spit blood all day. And then I went to the. To the dentist, and he was like, you have trench mouth? And I was like, what the is that? And he was like, do you know about trench warfare? I was like, yeah, I don't know what that's doing with my mouth, but, yeah, I've heard of it. And he goes, well, it's what soldiers used to get in the trenches in World War I. And I was like, look, you're saying words that don't make any sense. Like, I don't have the bacteria in the trenches. I can't have trench mouth. And he said, it is not. It was not the bacteria that gave people trench mouth. It was the stress and anxiety of facing biological warfare that gave them transportation.

[Kevin Clancy]

The Nazis. Yeah.

[Jackie]

And he goes, do you have any stress in your life right now? And at the time, I had some pretty significant stresses. And I was like, yeah, I do. And I told it to him. He goes, yeah, you got trench mouth. And I was like, I mean, come on, look, I'm a little stressed out, but I'm not. It just can't be the same as Agent Orange. And he's like, yeah, it is. And so that's how I had trench mouth, bro.

[Kevin Clancy]

It really makes me think about. That's why I always say this. I wish I could just jump into other people's bodies and feel what they feel. Because I'm like, is this normal stress or is like, if you. If a regular person were to be under my stress, would their mouth explode? Because then I know whether to shut the up and man up or I gotta fix some things.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

So I need someone to Just like walk a day in my shoes, dude.

[Jackie]

Imagine if I had.

[Kevin Clancy]

This is how you live every day. Like, dude, I wake up. I Woke up at 4 o'clock today. I just laid in bed for five hours before I got going. I can't. I got. I'm gonna have to start like working out or writing again or doing something. I wake up at 4am that's crazy. And it's not like. It's like. I think it is. I wake up and my mind just starts racing. So it is probably that kind of. It's not like I'm like, not tired. I'm tired. I want to go back to sleep, but I'm just like. I'm sitting there for six hours like this, and then I go, time to go to work.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then I just go to work. Is that going to kill me? Like, am I going to have, you know, a aneurysm? And if someone else were to be in my shoes, they would like, stop work, stop everything. I need to like, go to a. Do you know what I mean?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Or is it just like, no, this is life? I don't know.

[Jackie]

I find out. Imagine a world in which we tell the past our problems. And they're like, yeah, yeah, that sounds.

[Kevin Clancy]

But that's. But, but, but, but, yeah.

[Jackie]

Like, imagine if I went to the trenches and I got all relative dude on some nightmare before. What's the Christmas story with Ebenezer's cruise ghost Christmas past Christ. If I went to the trenches on Some Christmas Carol and I was like, boys, I know what you're going through, right? And then one time they're like. They're like, oh, you fought fascism in the future? I'm like, like, no, but chicks can be, like, kind of tough sometimes. Like, they would shoot me. They'd shoot me in the head.

[Kevin Clancy]

We had this discussion at live shows. I think there's a world where grandpa would rather be out there with just like a rifle killing people than dealing with mental warfare of psychotic chicks. I think that. I think that could break down the toughest of soldiers. I swear to God. Send. Send them to Guantanamo. Send an average. Put an average chick in the CIA and put an average chick in, like, the terror cell, the torture cells, and all these problems will be fixed. All this. These girls are. They're dangerous, bro. They are weapons. They're weapons of mass destruction.

[Jackie]

They really are. They'd be so confused. They be like, what do you mean you've done this? Like, they're calling this the war to end all wars. There's More wars.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, there's plenty.

[Jackie]

You're like, kind of, in a sense, everyday wars, kind of. Sometimes, like, you get a little wrapped up.

[Kevin Clancy]

They go through your phones. Okay. They look at your text messages. They fight.

[Jackie]

Third, there's a lot to explain to you right now, but it'll make sense. Fresh mouth does not die with you. But.

[Kevin Clancy]

But that's the thing, is that you're right, obviously, objectively, that's harder. But it's like when you're a little kid that your brains react in the same way as those guys.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's not the same, but your brains react the same. So you feel the same. So your mouth bleeds. So it doesn't matter whether the. Oh, the gray is what the bleeding is. Like, whatever. People have had blood in their mouth. The gray gums is a problem.

[Jackie]

Trench mouth dog.

[Pav]

What was the cure? Was it just, like. Did it fix itself?

[Kevin Clancy]

Cut some bird?

[Jackie]

I wouldn't say it fixed itself, but.

[Kevin Clancy]

It came to a head.

[Jackie]

It got. Yeah, it got worked out. It came to a head. Came to a head.

[Pav]

We'll say that I should defend women right now, but I don't have it in me. But women are all crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, whatever. All right, last one.

[Jackie]

What's up, gang? How we doing today? Was recently re watching or trying to re watch the.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's this guy's name? We gotta know his name, too.

[Jackie]

He called it off day, which I.

[Kevin Clancy]

Don'T really know why. Okay.

[Jackie]

I'm trying to rewatch it because it's just the same thing over and over, year after year, season after season. And I always just stop watching it, like, midway through because I get bored. But I was watching this one episode, I don't know, season four or five, doesn't really matter, but they just randomly had, like, a dubstep song playing in, like, a getaway scene that, like, the characters in the show were actually listening to. Like, oh, God, we always hate it when so and so drives because he always plays the same music. Then it starts playing like, some whompy, like, Skrillex Dead Step song, like, something silly like that just because of, like, the time or the year that the episode came out. And I just thought that it was, like, so off putting and so out of context. But, like, I'm sure the music editor, whoever was just like, oh, this song will just be, like, so perfect for the time that this episode comes out. And so I was wondering if you could think of a time where music just, like, did not match a TV show or a movie, but just because of the Time that it, like, came out. It. I don't know, the editors or the music producers.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know what's great?

[Jackie]

And.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, the, like, Disney Channel shows where there's like. Like, it's like Hilary Duff and she's like, doing like a hip hop dance. Have you ever seen those? They're like, yeah, it's like, at the time. Or like, save the Last Dance with Julia Stiles. Have you seen that? You've probably seen that. That's like, she's like this girl who, like, dances at, like, Juilliard and then some. Some black dude teaches her how to, like, dance hip hop. And she. And like, the final dance is so bad. So bad. But at the time it was like, oh, Julia's killing it. And there's like, I should watch Footloose.

[Pav]

And it's the same thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. Like, all that shit's always gonna be dated. There's a lot of Disney shows where there's like. There's some. It's either like Miley or Hillary Duff or something where they rap or something. Oh, there's like a rap that's like, brutal. Brutal. And I know that they were like, this is gonna kill.

[Jackie]

I was just.

[Kevin Clancy]

All those things are so dated.

[Jackie]

I couldn't find it. I was just looking for it. I watched the Penguin over the weekend and there was like. I think it's the scene when like, like Oz and the chick get pulled out of the club and like, the other family, the. The.

[Kevin Clancy]

The. Like the.

[Jackie]

The Maroni, like, put them down on their knees.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. And then.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, the. I think that's the scene, but it's something outside. The song just kept playing and was like. It was a rap song, but it was like, hey, boy, where's my spinach? And it just kept repeating. And, like, the reason I noticed is because I had subtitles on.

[Kevin Clancy]

Ah, okay.

[Jackie]

And the subtitles kept popping up and I was like, why this guy keep asking about his spin? Like, it was a ridiculous song. That. That reference. Like, there was only. There was only, like, one lyric, and it was like, just talking about spinach. It was crazy.

[Pav]

Like, as in a weed reference or just.

[Jackie]

I guess it could have been weed or it could have been just, like, money.

[Kevin Clancy]

But by the way, the Penguin, I.

[Jackie]

Thought it was good.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, I think it's phenomenal.

[Jackie]

But, like. But like, that's. That's me. Like, that's. This isn't really my genre. Like, I think that that would be.

[Kevin Clancy]

It goes beyond that. Like, I don't even feel like I'm watching the Penguin. I feel like I'm watching like, a. Like a regular, like, crime family type.

[Jackie]

Thing, but there's so much overtone.

[Kevin Clancy]

Even what's your face is great.

[Jackie]

She's very good. But even her. I think she's too, like, it's all too comic booky for me. Like, even when, like, she's a good villain, but it almost like, feels like a, like, winky at camera. Like I'm being.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, I guess that is kind of her vibe. I feel like that show could be as much about her as it is about he. I think he's great dude, because I. I really forget very often I have to, like, remind myself it's Colin. Colin Farrell.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, he.

[Jackie]

He's just limping around.

[Kevin Clancy]

Must be a. That foot scene where they. She. You see his toes? Oh.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah. The. It's good. I think it's like, if I showed you, like, a Fast and Furious. Like, these aren't really my movies. But, like, it's good. I enjoy it. But, like, it's not.

[Kevin Clancy]

Also, we. I don't think we've done it on camera yet. Lioness is. Lioness is maybe the best show I've ever watched.

[Jackie]

It's a great show.

[Kevin Clancy]

I really. I. I just did the Rundown and I was like, I stake my absolute reputation on it. And me and Dave usually don't get along, you know, with tv. Like, we don't see it eye to eye. And I was like. I said, it's Homeland mixed with House of Cards mixed with Blackhawk Down. And Dave was like, roast. He goes, say less.

[Jackie]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

It is. And you know why I love them, first of all, every episode. Not a wasted minute. There's no, like, fluff. And season one comes to an end. They. There's a beginning, a middle, and an end.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And they. They finish the. There's no cliffhanger. There's a whole next season. And it's just as good with a different thing going on. But you get, like, the answer at the end.

[Jackie]

End.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's awesome. That's so, so rare, especially for a season. You have to wait till the end of a series. This show, when it's all said and done, I wouldn't be surprised if I was like, this is my favorite show ever.

[Jackie]

When Taylor Sheridan, I personally think works best in, like, a modern era with modern military weapons. Yeah, like, because, I mean, my favorite. My favorite. Well, I guess I like. It's. Sicario and Lioness are probably my two favorite Taylor Sheridan things. But also I love how high water.

[Kevin Clancy]

He does the cowboy thing pretty well.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

But he smashed. I also don't know what his role is and all these things. I think sometimes he's a writer, sometimes he's a showrunner, sometimes he's a producer. So I don't know what's what. But whatever he's doing with Lioness, do with the rest of the show. Because it's unbelievable.

[Jackie]

The for episode one, season two of Lioness is like. I think people who know what I've seen Sicario know, like the scene in Sicario, like when they go across the border and come back. There's like there's a fucking badass scene. That's the whole episode one, like an hour and a half of just that. And it's.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think. I think season one episode. I think the series premiere is up there for the best premiere I've ever seen.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Cuz it came on Autoplay for me. I was watching from and it just kept going and I was.

[Jackie]

Oh, that's how you got into it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. And I. Cuz I've seen it and I was like, I got to watch that. But it's on MGM and I didn't know where to find it. But then from is also on mgm.

[Jackie]

It's on Paramount plus I guess it's on.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's on a whole thing. But yeah. Yeah. And it just went. And I was like, wait a minute, like 15 minutes in. I was like. The first thing I noticed, I was like, this is very. At least what I believe to be real. I don't know what these helicopters and boat and cars and guns look like. But I was like, this seems like they put a lot of money into this.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

And it's a TV show. And I was like, so this is like. I feel like I'm watching a movie and then like 20 minutes in 30 minutes. And I was like, this is incredible. Next thing you know, like the season was done.

[Pav]

Do you think of the CIA, they like run a test to see if when you drink you'll tell people.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I feel like that's kind of.

[Jackie]

They.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes. They make her get drunk. Literally that. Make her get drunk and they torture her.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like we need to push you to the brink to see like if you'll. That's literally exactly what you described is like probably the first like three episodes. Yeah.

[Pav]

I figured that probably had to be like a legitimate test.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Yeah. They were. They.

[Pav]

Would you guys join if they came to you?

[Kevin Clancy]

And they were like, hell no. Literally this show is. I Was like, why would anybody do. I mean, in the show, you understand why? Like, this girl has nowhere to turn, so she turns to the military. But, like, the people who get sucked in on some propaganda shit, like, do this for your country. Fuck, bro.

[Jackie]

If they were like, we, like, you're the only guy who can do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I got you.

[Jackie]

Yeah, you would.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'd be like, whatever the problem is.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Pav]

I guarantee you I'm not. And there's a million other people who could do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah. Promise you I'm not the guy. I would be so flattered. I would do it, though.

[Jackie]

Yeah. I would. 100 do it. I'd be like, I. I think you guys are wrong. I don't think I can do this, but I'm down. I'm down.

[Kevin Clancy]

You think after, like, the torture and you would still do it?

[Jackie]

I think as soon as the torture.

[Kevin Clancy]

Started, I'd be like, okay, stop.

[Jackie]

I'm done.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm done. Never mind. I'm clearly not the guy. I'm clearly not the guy.

[Jackie]

I think it's like getting out of jury duty.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would give up the secrets. I'd be like, yeah, this is. Here's the secret.

[Jackie]

You can't.

[Kevin Clancy]

I can't. Trust me.

[Jackie]

Can't trust me.

[Kevin Clancy]

I'm out.

[Jackie]

I. It's kind of like what I said earlier where, like, I'm good at accepting reality. Like, I thought about that when I was watching the Penguin this weekend, and Sophia Falcone goes to Arkham for, like, six months, and she has this big freak out about it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And I was watching. I was like, I wouldn't freak out. I'd be like, all right.

[Kevin Clancy]

Well, she kind of does, though. She kind of comes to terms with it, like, right away.

[Jackie]

Yeah. You'd be like, six months. I'm gonna have some good days. I'm gonna have some bad days.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

But in six months, it's done. And I think I'd be like, this might pretty tough, though, bro. Well, yeah, I think we're living in a bit of a hypothetical world here.

[Kevin Clancy]

But I could even see, like, prison, you know, you can, like, maybe make through.

[Jackie]

Like, war is tough.

[Kevin Clancy]

War is not definitively not fun.

[Jackie]

I wouldn't even do it for the war. I do it for. Because they have some good hangs, dude. I do it for the hang.

[Kevin Clancy]

I do love the crew.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Awesome.

[Jackie]

When they're just hanging out in the.

[Pav]

Desert, drinking beers, I do feel like the montage.

[Kevin Clancy]

But there's no montages in real life.

[Jackie]

There are ones. You're dead. Done.

[Kevin Clancy]

They play in your head, I guess.

[Pav]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would need a real montage. I'd be like, if you film me and make this awesome, awesome TV show, we'll do it.

[Jackie]

The. No. Like, when I was hanging out having beers, I'm like, all right, we got a fight. To be able to have these moments. Fine.

[Kevin Clancy]

I could see you being a good, like, extraction guy the way what's cool about Lus is, again, I don't know if this is real or fake. I feel like it's more real. They're just like. Like, there's no, like, put your gun down. It's just like, I see you. You're dead.

[Jackie]

I see everybody's dead.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's just like, we killed all.

[Jackie]

They're all.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're all gone, like, five seconds.

[Jackie]

She says that at one. I think it's in season two. She has one point where they're talking.

[Kevin Clancy]

About, like, put the gun down. Let her go. Let her go. He's like, no, I mean, kill everybody.

[Jackie]

Yeah. When she's like. She's like, we don't do courtrooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

She was like. She was like, what do I do about the hostage? She was like, you shoot her and him.

[Jackie]

We do.

[Kevin Clancy]

We're a kill team. We kill people. Oh, you shoot her in the head and then shoot the gunman. I would be good at that. That. But anyway, also, just to say, I. I think, like, the dubstep era was, like, maybe the lowest in humanity for music, like, ever.

[Jackie]

I agree. Like, the.

[Kevin Clancy]

Particularly, like, the like. Because it was at the same time as, like, Avicii, David Guetta, and that. Did that hit.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I go back and listen to it now. It's like, you can't, like, just listen to, like, levels. You know what I mean? You have to be in the party.

[Jackie]

Oh, I disagreed. It's funny you say that, because I jump. Gonna find it real quick. I just saw someone retweet something the other day, but that was like, what did say?

[Kevin Clancy]

It is funny for, like, our generation thinking about, like, you're playing, you know, Avicii with your kids and like, that.

[Jackie]

Here it is. This. This tweet was just. It's just. It said 12 years ago, this song came out, and the quote, he was God himself was in that studio.

[Kevin Clancy]

The whole, like, people that was like, oh, I could. That. That to me is like.

[Jackie]

I liked Skrillex.

[Kevin Clancy]

I like Skrillex's, like, hits like, yeah. His pop songs. I like the Bieber song. It was all right. Anything else?

[Jackie]

I saw a Nora this weekend.

[Kevin Clancy]

Movie of the year, in my opinion. Which, what movie? A Nora. This is the one you. I don't even haven't seen A Nora yet, and I don't even know what it is.

[Jackie]

I think I'm gonna go see it tonight. I saw a real pain Sean Baker movie.

[Kevin Clancy]

He makes movies all about, like, prostitutes. It's about a prostitute. Yeah, That's a weird niche. That's his thing. Yeah. That seems like he's probably like a serial killer or something. Just hookers.

[Jackie]

Yeah, but they're like fun movies. They're fun movies.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're. They're fun.

[Jackie]

They're like a little bit comedy in all of them.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're a little.

[Jackie]

But he's also, like, trying to, like, remove the stigma from, like, prostitution. That's like his whole thing.

[Kevin Clancy]

All right. I mean, he's a good guy. It was great.

[Jackie]

The. He did what he did Tangerine in the Florida Project. Florida Project, Yeah. But, yeah, real pain. Real pain is also very good. I did go by myself for the.

[Kevin Clancy]

First time ever, talking about this unbelievable.

[Jackie]

Going to the movies by yourself is now my new favorite thing to do.

[Steve Fury]

Absolutely.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's a freeing spiritual experience. It is the undisputed, like, thing. What if you could go back in time and tell people? Like, tell your younger self some advice. Or go to movies by yourself, because there's a point where you think it's lame and all that, and it will literally unlock a whole new side of your life. Like, I can just do this all the time. It's amazing.

[Pav]

Do something alone. You can't be a loser about it. Like, you have to, like, you fucking do it.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, just fucking do it. Like, I still, you know, like, when Trent went to John Mayer by himself, I was like, that's a move. I still.

[Jackie]

Concerts a little too far.

[Kevin Clancy]

Still don't think I can do that. But the same way I said the same thing about movies. So maybe when I'm like 50, I'll be like, I've been missing out on.

[Jackie]

Concerts this whole time.

[Kevin Clancy]

So maybe you should just always do by yourself. Sway into John Mayer by yourself.

[Jackie]

It's a bit much, dude. The. What was it?

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, by the way, congratulations, Frankie Burley.

[Jackie]

Yes, congrats to Frankie. I watched on the show my old ass. I don't think you said on the show.

[Kevin Clancy]

I think you told us this.

[Jackie]

Dude, I watched my old ass on Prime.

[Kevin Clancy]

What's that?

[Jackie]

Aubrey Plaza, the cot. I thought because you said, tell your younger self. The concept of it is an 18 year old girl, she takes mushrooms.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes. Yes.

[Jackie]

She trips and see.

[Kevin Clancy]

I haven't seen it, but I know.

[Jackie]

Her 40 year old self, right?

[Kevin Clancy]

39, great casting job, by the way. They look like they. Yeah, she could be.

[Jackie]

But it's. It's very good. Like an hour and 20. Really good. And then, dude, I like, only the brave wept.

[Kevin Clancy]

Really?

[Jackie]

Like. Like I was laughing out loud to myself like, this is fucking ridiculous, dude.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's great.

[Jackie]

I was, I was like, like, like.

[Steve Fury]

Good cry, good cry.

[Jackie]

It was. It was. I called friends and I was like, yo, you should watch my old ass. Like, I wept and one of was like, I've been do. I've been do. Do for good cry. I'm like, I felt. I thought you were. That's what I. That's why I called you. I felt like you might have been. You need it, dude. Like, it was.

[Kevin Clancy]

Sometimes you got to force yourself.

[Jackie]

You know what? I watched it the same day I. I watched what was on. Bridesmaids was on, right? I was watching the movie I was watching with someone and I was like, it's Chris O'Dowd is in Bridesmaids. You Irish actor.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

And I was like. I was like, yeah, like I used to get. I looked like him a lot. And they go, no, not really. It's just you both have your eyes too close to your nose. And I said, what? They just. They just say that because you both have your eyes too close. I was like. I was like, well, I never heard that before.

[Kevin Clancy]

New insecurity unlocked.

[Jackie]

They right, I. Way too close to my nose.

[Kevin Clancy]

I would have never look at like Paz's eyes and look at John.

[Jackie]

You're so close to my nose, dude. It's crazy.

[Kevin Clancy]

Insane.

[Jackie]

It's. It's we.

[Steve Fury]

You know.

[Kevin Clancy]

You know why I don't think it about you? Because I also have seen K. Marco.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

I mean, K. Marco's eyes are touching.

[Jackie]

Yeah, those are so.

[Kevin Clancy]

You were like the normal one, bro.

[Jackie]

I was like, you gotta be kidding me. And then I was like, yeah, now you nailed it. That's exactly what's wrong with me.

[Kevin Clancy]

Just to like unleash that on my.

[Jackie]

Nose is too big and the eyes are too close to it. You fucking drilled.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's just the whole center spot area.

[Pav]

There is something like, like beauty. I forget what it is, but yeah, it's something. It's either you're uglier with the ratio or you're prettier with the ratio.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's like the golden ratio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I. I don't think John.

[Jackie]

I don't have that.

[Kevin Clancy]

I don't think any of us have it.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Yeah. We should do this filter.

[Kevin Clancy]

There's a filter that shows my eyes are.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Way closer. The inside of those eyes is where my eyes start and they out.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah, that. It's also. Your eyes, I think, aren't very wide or long. So they stop short. They touch the nose and they stop short.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, Paz's eyes go all the way out to here, Right? Your eyes stop.

[Jackie]

Like, they're there, dude. The pull up.

[Kevin Clancy]

I just got a perfect eyes and perfect nose.

[Jackie]

We actually were talking about this before the show started, I think. Pull up. Homeless pimps, Instagram. Because I went to the soda show, like, two weeks ago, and I wore a leather jacket that I was not comfortable wear that. I was like, I don't know if this jackets me. Like, it's a little too much.

[Kevin Clancy]

Which is funny that you think that. Yeah, you could wear literally anything, bro. Nobody would ever be like, that's too much for fight over.

[Jackie]

I was like. I was like, I don't know. Buzzing. Whatever. I'm not gonna see anyone tonight. Like, who cares? First person I see outside town hall is almost Pam, and he's like, dude, let me take your picture. He took a picture of me, and I. I saw this picture, like, literally the next day after this comment, and I was like, oh, my eyes are way too close together.

[Kevin Clancy]

But, I mean, they're.

[Jackie]

They're.

[Kevin Clancy]

They're just. They're slits. Your eyes all together are too small and too close. I mean, you look Asian.

[Jackie]

I do look.

[Kevin Clancy]

If it wasn't for, like, the Irish beard and hair, I'd be like, that's an Asian dude. Insane. He just threw you up, like, hard post like that, bro. But it's like. It's like a character.

[Jackie]

It's a character. Okay. It's just. It's. It's the last picture on a carousel. And I was like. I was like. I was like, the jacket. It's funny because again, this happened the next I. Or not the next day, but the next day I had. I found out about my eyes. And. And by the time he posted this, I was like, oh, the jacket actually doesn't look so bad. The eyes are a nightmare, though.

[Kevin Clancy]

But you're laughing. You know, when you laugh, you kind of. I'm trying to throw you a bone here. You also don't have eyebrows there.

[Jackie]

No. It's a whole mess. Throw me right in that trap.

[Kevin Clancy]

You look ridiculously skinny, though, bro. All right, see you next episode. Express is all about creating confidence through easy, modern, everyday outfits. Whether you're talking about the Pima cotton T shirt or you're talking about the hyper stretch jeans which basically fit so comfortable you could wear them all day long. You can wear them out. You know the age old question of when you get home, do you put on your sweatpants or you get into your jeans, you leave your jeans on. You can leave your hyper jeans on and get the best of both worlds. They got the 1mx shirts, breathable, easy stretches. You can wash them. Some of the best button downs in the game because they're like nice colors, high quality and you can also wear them in a casual way. And then they've got the modern tech suits, we were wearing those on the episode and they got the 100% merino sweaters. So whether it's a T shirt, pants, suit, button ups or sweaters, those are it. That's like the five, the five staples you need. They've got you covered all with super soft, breathable, comfortable, stylish clothes. Find everything you need this holiday [e-mail].

[Jackie]

All right, it is KFC Radio. We are here with one of my favorite people, Steve Fury. Obviously you will notice Kevin's not here. Kevin called me this morning. He was like, can you do it alone? 99 out of 100 people. I'd be like, dude, let's just cancel it. Oh, I can. I feel comfortable with you, man.

[Steve Fury]

I feel great. I told him, cancel it. I said I don't want to hang out with Jack and fights. Get rid of it. So for you to say that actually brought some tears to my eyes. But love the new studio. I haven't gotten here. It's very good. I, I'm honestly, it gives such a basement vibe from like watching it. I had no idea it wasn't in a basement. I thought everything changed. So it's nice.

[Jackie]

It is quite a basin vibe. It is, it's great. It's an interesting spot.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, it's sick.

[Jackie]

But we were talking beforehand about, we were talking about Macy's and I was gonna ask you if you ever worked retail but then you said, you said something that you.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, let's talk. Yeah, let's talk. Oh yeah, I was a drug dealer. That was my thing.

[Jackie]

When were you a drug dealer?

[Steve Fury]

I was a drug dealer most of my life really. Before comedy. I feel like I talk about this too much on podcast, but before comedy really started to pop, that was my thing. I sold weed and I was big into Norcos.

[Jackie]

What's not.

[Steve Fury]

It's like a lesser. It's like two Vicodin in one.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

So you're pushing pills.

[Steve Fury]

I was pushing pills, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that was it.

[Kevin Clancy]

I did it.

[Steve Fury]

But then when it all started getting. My whole thing has always been this. I skateboarded until I got better at football than skateboarding. I stopped doing that. Then I played football until I got better at drug dealing than playing football, which wasn't that hard, you know? I mean, you know, and then I stopped drug dealing once I get good at comedy.

[Jackie]

Okay. It makes sense, right? Yeah. You don't let go of a branch, so you got your hand on. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

[Steve Fury]

I've monkey barred through life on the darker end of it. But I came out. Okay.

[Jackie]

The, I was never.

[Steve Fury]

You've worked Macy's.

[Jackie]

I never Word. Macy's. I worked retail.

[Steve Fury]

Okay.

[Jackie]

But the, But I lived with a drug dealer.

[Steve Fury]

Oh.

[Jackie]

My first time when I was first lived in New York when I was 21. I lived in the Upper East Side, like, 71st and 2nd or something like that. And we had this dog apartment. I didn't have any money, obviously, and my roommate was a drug dealer. And I worked for Barcelona at the time. So I would just sit on the couch and blog, and people would just come into the apartment and he would just like, hand out, like, I don't even know, like, drug dealing. I never got into weed until post, until it was, like, legalized. So, like, I don't really know. Like, dime bag. I don't know, like, nickel bag. I assume that means five bucks and ten bucks.

[Steve Fury]

It depends. You know, a dime bag could mean a gram. A nickel bag. You got to be like a hobo. If you're, if you come up to someone asking for a nickel, I'm not the guy. I can say when I dealt drugs, I move past nickel bag people. But yeah, dimebag could mean a gram or 10 bucks. Whatever you want.

[Jackie]

Gram or 10 bucks. All right. I, I, I was never. It was weird sitting there for that. But then did he ever get go.

[Steve Fury]

Like, yo, my boy's gonna come by. Can you throw him a bag?

[Jackie]

No.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, no.

[Jackie]

He, like. I think most of it was to, like, people we kind of knew. Like, it was, it was one of those things. Like, we were, again, we were in New York. He was like a club promoter.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And I think he, like, sold weed to, like, people he'd promote the clubs to. Yeah, but did you ever have, like, when you, when you were dealing drugs, did you ever have, like, people ask for things other than drugs, like not sex?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, some Good drugs for like, did you give blowjobs as well?

[Jackie]

The reason I ask is I remember I was living in Boston at the time and I was getting coke from this guy and I was like, yo, can you get me steroids?

[Steve Fury]

Oh yeah.

[Jackie]

And he was like, what?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And I was like, I don't. Who the else am I gonna ask? Like, I don't. You're my connection to the underworld, man. Like, do you.

[Steve Fury]

I used to run drugs over the border and what I used to. That's how I got my pills.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Steve Fury]

One time I tried to get wind straw. Remember when?

[Jackie]

Yeah, I took it. Yeah, I got it.

[Steve Fury]

That was the pill you could take was the windshield. Everything else was injection. So I tried one time to get wind straw. So yeah, I did a little bit. But yeah, you know, they would ask for stuff and I would do it. I never went Mexico. I was in California. I'm a California.

[Jackie]

Oh, that's right. I kept thinking, yeah, yeah, of course.

[Steve Fury]

So I would run down, dude, it was the craziest one. Oh, we used to do it all the time. And then it just got so crazy. But oh yeah, they would give a thing. I'd like, I'll find it for you. But then I stopped. You know, when you sell weed, you don't got people hitting you up at 5am yeah. Knocking on your door and stuff like that. Like, you start getting to a different world when you get in that. And I never really wanted to get in that.

[Jackie]

I. I remember I've said text before in my life, like 6:00am like, yo, you around. And then be like, this guy's an. This is your job.

[Steve Fury]

This is what supposed to do. You don't see 711 taking time off, dog.

[Jackie]

Like, dude, I'll go, my guy will be up, my guy will be up.

[Steve Fury]

Start competing.

[Jackie]

Lazy ass. Carlos. Dude, come on, man.

[Steve Fury]

The worst is like, my guy will be up. We got the same guy. He's not gonna be up. So I never did that one. And I did definitely the thing where I was never like a guy who was like on a street corner selling weed. I was the guy. Like, you know, at the time I. It all started from this one kid I knew that would sell me high grade dime bags for five bucks and I'd flip them for ten and then I'd make money kind of like that. And then everyone else ever had a plug so they'd be like, it just started as that. Like, hey Steve, why don't you give me one of those dime bags you get. And then when I'd buy one, I get two. And then they kind of just. It was never a plan. It just kind of folded into it. So it was never a thing. I mean, I stopped close to 10 plus years ago, but it was never a thing of like I'm on a corner selling drugs. It was like in front. Everyone who would buy for me was a friend. And I never. Even when I got into the pills, it was back then when they weren't fake.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

You know, and then once you start getting fake, that was the same time I started getting out of it. And some people go, it was fake though. It wasn't. I had like scripts and everything, but no one. Only one guy I knew really didn't. Didn't go well for me. I don't know if it's my fault. I think he had made some terrible trouble.

[Jackie]

That's what's crazy to me is I. I've noticed with like the fake stuff, you know, like with fentanyl and stuff.

[Steve Fury]

Getting stuff ruins everything, ruins everybody's good time.

[Jackie]

But like I see. I think it's happening with Liam Payne, the One Direction guy right now. But there have been like, there have been celebrities. Mac Miller's guy got that one was crazy.

[Steve Fury]

Crazy. But it's crazy to be like that famous and you still can't get something good.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Steve Fury]

Like your fame should be able to get it, your money should be. And you still get fucked.

[Jackie]

But you're dropping this off at the Shangri La. How the. Is there fentanyl in there?

[Kevin Clancy]

I met you at the Chateau. I take a good Joe.

[Steve Fury]

Drugs at the Chateau.

[Jackie]

Got this tweet about me, like, how the fuck you not bring me the right stuff, man. But like when they like. I think his guy got charged with like second degree murder. Right? And then I think Liam Payne, the One Direction guy, I just read just now that his death is not going to rule the suicide. It's going to be ruled the effects of drug use is what?

[Steve Fury]

And he was in South America too.

[Jackie]

He was in like Argentina, I want to say.

[Steve Fury]

You can't get real drugs in South America.

[Jackie]

That's crazy, dude. The best drugs I ever bought in my life were over Cabbie and El Salvador.

[Steve Fury]

El Salvador? Were you doing a Mormon mission?

[Jackie]

I got friends from there, man. Actually, no, no, no. I was visiting a friend from El Salvador. We were in Colombia at the time. And I was. Cabbie was just like, you guys went back home? Yeah. I was like, this is the greatest place country in the world. I don't know why people call this the Third world. This place is amazing.

[Steve Fury]

You guys got a lot of murder right here, huh?

[Jackie]

This cool area, dude. When I went on that trip, I was going to visit a friend. And how many years ago is this? This is probably six, seven years ago.

[Steve Fury]

This is before the bitcoin. This was the most dangerous place in. In the world.

[Jackie]

I don't think so. I. Maybe. So maybe murder rate was.

[Steve Fury]

El Salvador was one of those dangerous.

[Jackie]

No, El Salvador. I was in high school. El Salvador's own. This is a Columbia trip because they.

[Steve Fury]

I've heard they, like, border off the city and, like, there's areas you can hang out.

[Jackie]

Dude, Bogota was awesome.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

But the. So it was like a very impromptu trip where, like, my friend calls me Thursday night and, like, basically a drunk call. Like 11pm, 12pm it's like, you gotta come down. And I was like, I'll be here tomorrow. And so I get on the flight, lay over in Miami. I send her a text. I'm like, yo, I'm in Miami.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, he didn't say it was a girl in the beginning. It's like one of my friends called me a little bit drunk. He didn't go. A bad bitch in Columbia called me, and I had to chop on a fucking layover. I was like, I don't know if any of my friends would have done a layover in Miami to hang out with me. Oh, a bad bitch in Bogota. Okay, keep the story going.

[Jackie]

But so I said, I send her a text. I'm like, yo, flight's about to take off. I'll be in Colombia in, like, two hours, whatever it was. And. And so we land, and she goes, okay, here's my address, whatever. Anyway, we land, get through customs, like a breeze, and then get in, get outside. And the guy's like. He's like, yo, you need a ride?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, the cabs down there are guys.

[Jackie]

I was like, perfect. You know, great. So I get in the cabin. You know, when you land in a new country, like, it takes a while for your phone to kind of like, link up to whatever network they have. So I get in the car and we're driving, and, like, my phone starts blowing up. And it's like all the texts that she had sent me on the flight coming through, and it was like, whatever you do, do not get in a cab with someone who offers you a cab. Go wait in the cab line. And I'm looking out the window, and it's raining. I'm looking out the window as we're driving by the cab line. I'm like, that's not where I got this guy from. And I was just sitting there, speak the language well enough to be like, yo, let me out of the car. I also didn't want to be rude in a new country, so I.

[Steve Fury]

Was it a tiny, weird little car, too? The cabs, Every time I go in.

[Kevin Clancy]

There, I'm just like, hey, buddy, thanks for picking me up.

[Jackie]

Like a Vietnamese man on the way to market.

[Kevin Clancy]

Like, I didn't know they made Toyota's this small. This is crazy.

[Jackie]

This is the Toyota Mini.

[Steve Fury]

It's fun when you go to Southern California or Southern America or, like, different places and they have cars you've never even seen. You've ever seen those?

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Fury]

There's like, the Toyota Troubadour. Like, I've never heard of this in my life, but it does lap.

[Jackie]

You know what's crazy? I forgot about this until just now while I was there. I don't know what the current ruling on it is in Colombia, but Uber was illegal. But they can't block it or anything like that. So you can still order an Uber, but it's technically illegal to do so. So I get an Uber back to the airport on the way coming home.

[Steve Fury]

I think cocaine's legal there, too. Uber is not. So if you can get an Uber, you can buy whatever you want to get, but it's going to be Harding in the Uber.

[Jackie]

It's like when they, like, they. They decriminalize weed.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And it's like, you can have it, but you can't buy it. And I was like, all right. But I had to sit shotgun in the Uber, and I had to give my Uber driver a hug when he was dropping me off at the airport because I had to make it look like he was my buddy. So. Because, like, there's all, like, the police and the army around, so, like, I gotta, like, dap them up. Give him a hug. I'm like, adios, Miami amigo.

[Steve Fury]

I'll always remember you, brother.

[Jackie]

I'm hugging this little dude. Take them up.

[Steve Fury]

You swing them in circles.

[Jackie]

Like, this is. Me and him clearly are lifelong friends.

[Steve Fury]

Because my best friend, Rodrigo El Salvador.

[Jackie]

Fun trip, though. Very fun trip.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, I couldn't even imagine just meeting a Bad.

[Kevin Clancy]

In Boca.

[Steve Fury]

God damn. I get girls in Des Moines. They don't look like you get a.

[Jackie]

Lot of girls on the road.

[Steve Fury]

No, I'm engaged.

[Jackie]

That's. I mean, I do that, so I.

[Steve Fury]

Don'T do that, but. And I got a bad girl at my house. Everything's good. That's why? When I was talking to you earlier, where it's like, I'm just so happy now. And for someone, it's just so scary when things are happy, because when things are bad, it can only get better, but when they're good, it can only get worse. And that's where my anxieties go, you know? Like, at a birthday party, I'm getting presidents presents. I'm like, someone's gonna shoot me right now. You know, like, the anxiety is peaking in me. So it's a little rough right now in the sense that it's so good, which is an odd question to say, even though my life's not that great, but it's just, like, you know, it's simple. It's simple. I got a little bit of money at the end of the month. I could put it into Robin Hood, you know, follow what Nancy Pelosi's doing, feel like a mover, a trendsetter, and that's alarming, but it feels nice.

[Jackie]

That's awesome. I did. I. I don't think I get what you're saying, but I'm. I'm the opposite in the sense, like, when things are bad, I'm like, so this is my life now.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh, really?

[Jackie]

And when things are good, I'm like, so this is my life now.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And it's. You just keep betting.

[Steve Fury]

You win at. If you're gambling, it's like, do it again. Blackjack again.

[Jackie]

Well, because I'm like, I'm not gonna make any changes, so whatever's happening is what's gonna happen for the rest of my life.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, that's great.

[Jackie]

And. Well, it's great when it's going good.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, no, it's not great.

[Jackie]

It's.

[Steve Fury]

I'm run now. We made $20 on the blackjack table. Go home, sleep the rest of the night.

[Jackie]

That's what you are.

[Steve Fury]

I'm that guy.

[Jackie]

Dude. I'm. I don't like. I'm like a puppy. Like, I don't like calling it early.

[Kevin Clancy]

Really?

[Jackie]

Because I'm like, what if something awesome happens? Because usually it doesn't.

[Steve Fury]

No, but it could.

[Jackie]

I could. I. I would bet this. I am part of 96% of the great stories that happened on nights I was out.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, you're the medium that did happen. Happens.

[Jackie]

I'm just like, I'm not going home, so I. I would. In case something happens. So there's probably 4% of the time I've gone home and something awesome happened that night.

[Steve Fury]

How old are you now?

[Jackie]

I'm 36.

[Steve Fury]

Yes.

[Kevin Clancy]

Do you?

[Steve Fury]

I feel I just hit 35 and I hear and everything has changed for me now. I don't want to keep it going. I want to go home. I don't want to do what you want to do. I'll go to, like, maybe one. But my stories are ending now. You know, it's like, what'd you do last night?

[Kevin Clancy]

It was like, it was fucking crazy.

[Steve Fury]

Went to a bar at 6, got dinner at 8, went to home about 10:30, thank my fucking hot fiance. And that was it. Everyone's like, dude, we went to Chinatown and It was like 6am before we left.

[Jackie]

Dude, we saw ASAP Rocky.

[Steve Fury]

Denzel Curry was there.

[Jackie]

It was sick. I was like, really? Dude, I'm, I'm, I'm. I also made the change. I feel like most people make that change at, like, 25. Like, I didn't make a change. I didn't, like, have an active decision where I'm like, I need to walk in. Like, I just kind of like, I don't know. I, I, I'm, I. My brain flipped 10 years later than everyone else.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah. For me, mine was like a boxer who's like 42. Like, you know, I'm still in the ring. I was getting hit every time. And at some point, my friends and family were like, it's time to retire. And then I was like, 35, and.

[Kevin Clancy]

They pulled the rug.

[Steve Fury]

They threw in the white towel. And now I'm at home smoking weed, watching Murder Me, which is great. Which still slaps.

[Jackie]

Yeah. It's so funny to be like, I've matured. I, I sit at home and eat ice cream and get high. Now I'm an adult man.

[Kevin Clancy]

And then they're like, that.

[Steve Fury]

Wasn't that what you did at 13?

[Jackie]

What, what I saying that, like, I basically in my, you know, my, my, my late maturing, if we'll call it that, like, I've realized that, like, I'm just, I'm a person who's just 10 years with everything. Like, when I was, when I was young, my mom got me tested for special needs, like, late. And she was, she, she obvious. Tested twice.

[Steve Fury]

She tested herself.

[Jackie]

She. Well, they, she brought.

[Steve Fury]

She's like, he's so bad. I gotta see if something wrong with me. Like, following her eyes.

[Jackie]

She brought me in the doctor's like, he's fine. He's, he's, he's good. And then, like, two years later, she's like, I gotta have them run that test again. This is crazy.

[Steve Fury]

We're gonna do a different doctor, switch.

[Jackie]

Him Around Ken Jack get a second opinion. Like it's an acl. Say come on Doc, I got a championship game. He's not well, Doc. But then I hit puberty really late. Like I hit puberty like 19 and then I.

[Kevin Clancy]

What is that?

[Steve Fury]

Like what do you. Cuz I don't mind. Was a gradual one. They slowly sprinkled it. You got hit at 19?

[Jackie]

Well no, I guess mine was gradual too. Cuz I was never like small or anything like that. I never like it was, you know, I hit the puberty as far as growth goes. But I didn't have facial hair and I didn't have pubes. I didn't have like anything like that. I didn't look like a man. I was the size of a bigger person.

[Steve Fury]

Like 6 foot 6 one.

[Jackie]

But the like I wasn't, I just didn't have hair.

[Steve Fury]

I was like little piglet.

[Jackie]

Yeah. I looked like a little boy. And then like everything happens for me like 10 years later than it happens everyone else. Which is nice I guess in a.

[Steve Fury]

Sense I would say.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

A normal everyday person. We're about 10 years behind them.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

But of our peers. Like if you start slowing down at 35 or 30, you're like this guy's adulting, he's taking care of himself. He's doing what he needs to do in the kind of entertainment world that we're in. Cuz I have friends that are like, you know, 40 still going balls to the wall.

[Jackie]

I also think we were. We are few of the only people who like took the. Took into account that age has changed.

[Steve Fury]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Right. Like people don't. People like yeah. Settle down in their 20s. When we died at 70. Like we die at fucking 90 now, dude. Like I'll run it till I'm 40 then.

[Steve Fury]

Yes. And I also feel like, you know, like when my friends were. Keep going. It's like I feel like I'm a guy who got in the league at like 17, 18, you know, the miles that are on my knees. My lungs are a lot higher than other people. So I had to retire at a decent age. You know, 35. I got out, I had my pension. I put the years in the league. Wasn't a star but you know, I'm a solid Matt Barnes now and try and fight people. But that's about all I really got going on right now.

[Jackie]

Are you. You're in town doing shows for Comedy Week, right?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah. Tickets are flying off the shelf. Actually what they said is tickets are coming back on the shelf. They've never seen that before. So I'm very excited. New York comedy club.

[Jackie]

I'm midtown.

[Steve Fury]

I'm bringing my show. I got this show called Comedy Confidential that I've brought to all the festivals. It's doing really great and I'm really excited to be in this festival. It's where the. It's okay. The beginning is a little whatever. The audience and honestly put secrets into a bucket. Okay. Community goes up and riffs on them, but they keep their favorite one and this is what makes it special. At the end of the show, we do a panel. We try to bring our favorite secrets on stage to confess what they're doing. If they do that, I buy their whole tab.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Steve Fury]

So like you'll get people like really confessing to some crazy shit just for me to buy a $50 tab. Like one guy, the last guy said he got this more of an thing you guys might have. You ever heard of the Abbey?

[Jackie]

The Abbey, it's the.

[Steve Fury]

The most famous gay club in la.

[Jackie]

You set me up on that one. Pass, baby.

[Steve Fury]

This dude goes. He ate a girl's ass at the Abbey. And he got staff infection in his face. And he had pictures and his whole face, his ears were swollen. He looked like. You remember when McAu Culkin got stung by bees.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Fury]

He was. He was culing out.

[Jackie]

He had a picture.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, his whole face was fucked up. Cuz he ate a girl's ass in the bathroom at this gay club.

[Kevin Clancy]

Oh.

[Steve Fury]

Which is great. So that's the kind of stuff that you get. And the show's been really grant good. But we're excited for it tonight.

[Jackie]

I think I've seen a clip of you. I think someone was there. Confession one time was just like outright racist.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, no, there's a lot of them. A lot of people really, they don't claim those ones.

[Jackie]

Don't let that one.

[Steve Fury]

They're like, I'll pay for my tab. I don't know. I don't know. They're not good yet.

[Jackie]

I think I feel like I saw a clip where it was just like I hate black people or something like that.

[Steve Fury]

That one's classic. That was also. It was so funny because I remember that show and it was four dudes were sitting right here and they were all. They were. They were sec dripped. You know those guys.

[Jackie]

Oh yeah.

[Steve Fury]

T polo, red stripes.

[Jackie]

Yep.

[Steve Fury]

Khaki shorts, Hoover high cut.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

The haircuts they got down there are like middle school. The kind of curly pear coast of.

[Jackie]

Del Mars with the. What do you call it?

[Steve Fury]

So like they were Sitting there. And I was like, okay, I know what it is, but it's fun.

[Jackie]

I gotta guess where this one came from. This one might have come from Sigma Chi. Boys up front.

[Steve Fury]

I'm gonna do socks with The Sperrys for 500, please.

[Jackie]

But we were talking beforehand about the. About retail. Well, aside from drug dealing, what was what like, what were you doing? I guess you kind of just told me you. You went from high school football, the drug dealing.

[Steve Fury]

I worked retail a little bit. There's a couple places I. My first job was I worked at a zoo.

[Jackie]

You were to the zoo?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, in Sacramento.

[Kevin Clancy]

Zoo.

[Jackie]

Your first job?

[Steve Fury]

Mm.

[Jackie]

Dude, I think I worked at a power plant for my first job. A zoo sounds way better. What'd you do better than the power plant? Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

Well, in the beginning, so in Sacramento, I was a 16 and it wasn't like I wasn't like a zoo. We ran like an after school program there during the summer. And like, one of your first jobs is very depressing. But our hippo was so depressed that it would try to kill itself and drown itself.

[Jackie]

Oh.

[Steve Fury]

So like, you kind of had very sad stuff, but it's horrifically hilarious.

[Jackie]

Your job was just to try and you kind of poke it.

[Steve Fury]

They had like a stick and you'd have to make sure it was awake. And that was like. So there's like three things. This is actually a crazy story. There's three things. You start off, first day on the job, everyone got butterflies, right? Because you can't. You can't fuck up the butterfly exhibit.

[Jackie]

No one's gonna notice if a couple of guys go missing. They fly.

[Steve Fury]

They don't even got a cage. It's honestly just a bush. Just stay here. And then you got moved up, which was always surprised me. You got hippo pretty quick. I would have said, you know, a hippo with like a mental disorder. Give it five, six years in the game. No, if you move past butterflies, you. You got hippo. And then if you could poke this thing away, then you got move. I never got past this one. You get higher and higher. Giraffe was the best because you feed it. And like, you were a star of the show. I made it to manga be and now what's mango? So manga bees. A monkey, right? And you've seen this monkey, okay, Gibbon. A gibbon is the one that goes like. You hear it when it puts his arm out? Yeah, that's a gibbon. They got big arms, are kind of fun. A manga bee is a very territorial animal. I didn't Know this, right? But I didn't know everyone wanted Manga Bee because this was the main beat. Is the true story. Swear to God. Sacramento Zoo, maybe still there. Mango B is a territory animal. And when I got to the mango be, you know, I was feeling myself right? Past butterflies week, done. Hippo two weeks bag. I'm already at Manga V, right? And my boy goes, you're gonna want to stay here. This dude, he's been doing three summers. He's 19. Everyone's 16. It's weird. He's at Mango Bee, he won't go past mango be. And he goes, this is what you do. So Mango Bee, I swear to God, this trip was a very territorial animal. If you flicked your elbows at it quick like this, I swear to God, you start jerking off, right? I swear to God, it's not a bit.

[Jackie]

You can look it up.

[Steve Fury]

So as you can see why this guy didn't leave in three years. Because this is what I need to do. I'm making a monkey jerk off. So the biggest thing would be to get the biggest group of people around and then be like, you know, you can go to the bathroom over there. We got pretzels over there. And then the thing, everybody. And you had to hold it. You know, you hold it in as this monkey is because it's not. It's not having fun. This is a territorial. This territorial thing is doing. It's not just me like, hey, how you guys doing?

[Jackie]

It's like, get the out of here.

[Steve Fury]

It's like a hobo on a bus, right? So you're hitting pretzels, you're hitting bathroom, bro. I did that for three weeks. This monkey was so tired to the point that I got called into the office and they go, we heard you've been aggravating the monkeys. I go, well, number one, he looks like he's having a good time. The rest of the summer, I was back on butterflies. It is a lot harder to make a butterfly jerk off than a fucking monkey. I tell you what, I'm like, I got nectar talk.

[Kevin Clancy]

You a neck over here.

[Steve Fury]

We got some sugar water over there.

[Jackie]

My stomach hurts. That's so goddamn funny.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

He still long?

[Steve Fury]

You can still try it.

[Jackie]

Check out your local B.

[Steve Fury]

Get your. Remember, no shirt, close up.

[Jackie]

You getting demoted back to butterflies? Butterflies. Like, it's making the monkey jerk off, dude.

[Steve Fury]

The butterflies didn't even have a cage. It was like a bush you just sat next to. So God damn, that was my first job.

[Jackie]

That is. I was really.

[Steve Fury]

I wasn't ready for the work environment.

[Jackie]

As you can see the guy for three years, he just.

[Steve Fury]

He's coming back to the butterflies. He's like, you know what? Don't even. We don't got to do anything. I'll stay here. He was 19. He used to read, ride. I don't know. You guys are both East Coast?

[Jackie]

No, Jackson's. California.

[Steve Fury]

Really?

[Pav]

San Francisco.

[Steve Fury]

Are you Italian? There's just no Italians on the West Coast. You're from San Francisco?

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

That's pretty cool. I'm from Sacramento. I love San Francisco. I didn't stand up there for a long time. It's a great city. I don't know why I said I blew me away. Oh, but do you remember they used to have mini bikes? People would ride around. There was like a motorcycle, but it was tiny in. Have that here. Not really big thing where I was from. So you see like this always like ghetto ass dudes would do it. Like this dude, he's like selling X Scene, like, all right. And he'd get on this like little mini bike, like zoom away. So this dude would pull up in a mini bike, the Mangobi guy. So he would come for three years in a man. To me, when I was a kid, I was like, this is the coolest fucking dude I ever seen. Kawasaki mini bike, bro.

[Jackie]

The. When you first start working, like the age gap from with which people you work with is always so weird. We're like. I think when I was 16, it was kind of basically a power plant I worked at and I worked with just like a 40 year old drug addict. And it was just like me and him hanging out every day. He was like, I remember his name, Ronnie Blood. I would work. Me and Ronnie Blood would just. We would just move piles of garbage. Is me, my buddy and Ronnie Blood. And it was like, like literally it was like communist Russia stuff where it was like the workforce is employed. They just move piles of rocks every day. And it would. I'd get to the. They'd be all right, get that pile of bricks, move it over there. We just throw them through like windows and. But he was like. He'd come every morning, he'd beat us there. And it's. I live, I'm from like a very Portuguese town. And they'd have like this gallon of Portuguese wine that he drank and he would just leave it on the ground outside his car. And you're like, it's 7:00am yeah. And he's drank. Well, all that wine was a kid.

[Steve Fury]

You go like, Ronnie's pretty cool. But then you get older. You're like, ronnie has some problems.

[Jackie]

Ronnie. But Ronnie had so many problems that we knew at 16. Yeah, there's. Well, he'd come in. He'd come in sometimes times and he'd be like, ah, boy. He'd like, let me get a sandwich. Let me get a sandwich. Something like that. What are you talking about? He's like. He's like, my wife last night, you know, eating ketchup sandwiches, boys. And we were like, what the does that mean? And then I got old enough to mean. It means he's. He's eating his wife out on her period. And I was like, he's like, I got the ketchup sandwich in my mouth still, dude. That's the most horrific thing.

[Steve Fury]

That's the most horrific. He was like, picking up a rock. I'm gonna put my rocks over here. Damn, that's gnarly. I wouldn't have got that a million. I thought he was just doing so poor, he had to ketchup.

[Jackie]

No, Come on. His wife's vagina to a couple of literal children.

[Kevin Clancy]

Poor Ronnie. Well, it's.

[Steve Fury]

The last name is blood. It's fitting.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

What was your.

[Steve Fury]

What's your poor people food like your little thing of when you're broke, what do you eat? Bananas.

[Jackie]

Again, Great question. I'm a banana guy. Yeah, Ramen. I always liked ramen.

[Steve Fury]

You doing top or moon?

[Jackie]

Moon, I don't think I know Top.

[Steve Fury]

It's top ramen.

[Jackie]

Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry. Top, then Top.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, the other one's muin, right?

[Jackie]

But that one brings the one that comes in the back. You can, like, break up.

[Steve Fury]

Well, they both are.

[Jackie]

They both do.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah. Muchin looks exactly the same as top ramen, but it's like 10 cents less. And you're like, I don't know. What. I don't. Top Ramen wasn't given much. I don't know how you cut. Cut half moonchin out.

[Jackie]

I. The. I. I would always. Yeah, I was always the bad guy, but the.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, they were in bags too, dog. You're gonna blow. It's. It looks just like top Ramen, but it was for people who couldn't afford top Ramen. Maruchin.

[Jackie]

Maruchin. No. So I think I was a top. No, I think I was a maroochin guy.

[Steve Fury]

Maruchin had the cups. Top never got in the cup.

[Jackie]

I definitely never did a cup.

[Steve Fury]

Do you see, recently, they said you're not supposed to microwave those cups.

[Jackie]

The cups, the microwavable cups. What, the microwaveable cups?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, the Microwave. You're not. It's supposed to put hot water in them. They're like your port. Even poisoning yourself with microwave Styrofoam.

[Jackie]

Yeah. All that stuff's so funny because it. It's weird that it gives me the. Like, I get the fear of, like, oh, shit, I used to eat that.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Like, you know how much fucking poisoning to my body I've done in my life? Like, yes. It's not gonna be the ramen that gets me, but the other poisons were fun.

[Steve Fury]

If I get cancer from eating top ramen cup of noodles, I'm gonna be bummed out.

[Jackie]

Are you gonna blame, like, let's say you get stomach cancer. Are you gonna be like, that was probably the Ramen. Like, I got. I got ramen's that way down my hit list for who I'm gonna blame when my body starts to fail.

[Steve Fury]

All right, number one thing that could is gonna kill you, that you've eaten in your life. What do you think is gonna be candy?

[Jackie]

Sugar? Yeah, I. I'm. I'm. I just eat candy all the time. It's. It's.

[Steve Fury]

It's disgusting how much you work out, though.

[Jackie]

I work out a pretty good amount. Yeah, but, like, not a crazy amount. Like, probably 45 minutes a day, something like that.

[Steve Fury]

Like, every day.

[Kevin Clancy]

Five, six, seven days a week.

[Jackie]

Five, six days a week.

[Steve Fury]

I'm doing three. And I'm like, the candies, it's not helping the candy. The candy's winning on the three days. You gotta get your numbers up to every day. If you mean the level of candy, I mean the.

[Jackie]

I hope I'll eat it. I'm like, I'm a garbage post. I'll eat fucking anything. So I've eaten anything that's been put in front of me in my life. I don't think there's anything that's really gonna go bad except for the candy. Like, I'll do fucking. I do a lot of red meat. I do a lot of.

[Steve Fury]

Well, they keep telling us that they're killing us with the candy, you know?

[Jackie]

Yeah, but they're telling us.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, they're like, hey, man, this has got red dye in it. But we did just come out with watermelon fruit shoes. So the question is, what do you want to do? I'm like, well, I'll try one.

[Jackie]

I mean, they also. They, like, I just bought because I try. I. I am conscious of how much they eat sugar. I'm sure our listeners are like, we get it, dude. You eat sugar. But I try and, like, Be better. So I bought the other night at the market, I got sugar free yogurt. It's the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth.

[Steve Fury]

Tastes like Preparation H. It's the.

[Jackie]

It's the gen. Like, usually I'm just like, whatever. I can. I can choke it down. It was awful.

[Kevin Clancy]

Awful.

[Jackie]

But it is the. The stuff that happens here because I was talking to my buddy who has stomach.

[Steve Fury]

What do you call ibs?

[Jackie]

No. Crohn's? No. Oh, we're allergic to, like, wheat and stuff like, you can't eat, like, bread. Gluten. Gluten. And he's like, dude, when I go to Europe, I can just eat anything. And, like, it is crazy that we're just like, yeah, we are. We understand that we're putting poisons in it and we're just fine with it. But the poisons are good, man.

[Steve Fury]

Poisons do slap. If they could just start making healthy stuff taste like poison and it really wouldn't. I wouldn't be doing this.

[Pav]

The fake healthy stuff, like, ends up being worse. It ends up being like. Like, I feel like in college I was trying to do all the sugar free stuff, and that's the one that's gonna kill me.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

Five years later, they're always like, you remember? Wow. Potato chips.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steve Fury]

At the bottom, they're like. They're like a tumor of fat. You didn't know really know what it. But it coagulated at the bottom. And there are. Wow. Potato chips. They were lays. And they're like, this is what you're supposed to eat. And then they were like, literally, like, if you have a tumor growing out of your head from wild potato chips, check it out.

[Jackie]

You get the asbestos commercials?

[Steve Fury]

These were huge. When they wiped them out, they wiped them. Olestra issues. Yeah, all this stuff, it was literally like cancer. You're just feeding yourself.

[Jackie]

You see? We've watched any good shows lately? You sure you show penguin?

[Steve Fury]

I'm definitely a TV show guy. More than movies.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

I get too attached. I've been.

[Jackie]

I've been a movie guy recently. I did the flip. Your penguin. You're doing the penguin?

[Steve Fury]

Penguins. Fire. Still in the murder docs. My girls. Just anything where, I mean, you know, what's really funny is, like, my girl is definitely, you know, the stereotypical, like, murder docs, all that kind of stuff. But it's. It's an upgrade from my ex who was in the pedophile documentaries.

[Jackie]

What?

[Steve Fury]

So like, we would go to sleep to, like, a documentary of a guy who molested like, 13 children. So, like, when I see a man who killed 13 people, I'm like, this is light reading today. This is fantastic. I didn't know I could take the day off.

[Jackie]

Hey.

[Steve Fury]

Killed six people in Staten Island. Fantastic. He's on a rampant pedophile.

[Jackie]

Dude. I didn't even know they were making pedophile dots. I thought they were, like, Persona non gray. They'll make your way.

[Steve Fury]

Wait till the end. But it's gnarly, though.

[Jackie]

The. So you do the documentaries. The Penguin. I try to do the Penguin. I like fake worlds I can't. Great. Get into. And like, what? That's a new thing. Like, it used to be completely fine. Like, I. I didn't, like, love Marvel, but I saw most of the Marvel movies and all that. And I'm. I'm gonna keep trying with the Penguin because everyone says it's fantastic. But, like, when they're talking about was, it drops. It takes me out of it. I'm like, dude, just say coke or say heroin.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, they have to do it. They did it recently. They were like, you know, when you're doing drugs, you do bliss poppers, Nicos, Tum Tums.

[Jackie]

Just say the coke, dude. We know what we're talking about. It's like, I. I know we got a bunch like, Star wars people here. And was. It's not a Nora. That's the movie that's out. But, like, they. There's a star Wasn't being with an.

[Kevin Clancy]

A. I forget what it's called.

[Jackie]

And they're like, this is genuine great television. It just happens to take place in Star Wars. You gotta watch it.

[Steve Fury]

And that was the last one, I think, right?

[Jackie]

Yeah. The one with Andy Circus.

[Steve Fury]

I haven't seen that one, but they said it was, like, supposed to be a little more adult.

[Jackie]

The. Yeah. And. But then I put it on and, like, all the guns are going, pew, pew, pew, pew. I'm like, I can't buy into this, man.

[Steve Fury]

If I die from a pew. Pew. I deserve to die.

[Jackie]

Chop spray to get me. Do other media companies have the announcements happen in studio? Like, I've never watched, like, you know, I watched, like, eight hours of election coverage. They didn't stop it for. I watched. I watched Sunday Ticket, Red Zone every Sunday.

[Steve Fury]

Does this happen often?

[Jackie]

Oh, it's very regular that we just got to stop the show to listen to his speech.

[Steve Fury]

That was crazy.

[Jackie]

There's no way that that was, like, supposed to be constructed like that.

[Pav]

They also don't even do the drill. They're like, we're going to do the.

[Jackie]

Drill and then they never do the drill. Yeah.

[Kevin Clancy]

DraftKings is the official partner of Barstool Sports. Bet big. Get in on the action at DraftKings with the official sport betting partner of the NBA Emirates NBA cup is here. The in season tournament which does have a little bit of extra juice. People are. People want to see if the Lakers can defend their title. So check it out. Make sure you bet your favorite NBA player props. And if you're looking to place your first bet, try betting on something simple. Just like which team is going to win. Or you can bet on player props. Points, assists, rebounds, whatever. Dude, what Jokic is doing is bananas. Have you seen that, that, that graphic floating around? No.

[Jackie]

Which one?

[Kevin Clancy]

Right now, this season, he's averaging Shaq's career high in points, Tim Duncan's career high in rebounds, and Chris Paul's career high in assists.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Kevin Clancy]

That's his season right now? It's only 10 games in. It's early, but Jokic doesn't really seem like the guy who's going to stop doing that. So imagine Shaq at his scoring best, Duncan at his rebounding best, and Chris Paul at his assist best, averaging that. That's fucking nuts. Basically 30 points, 14 rebounds and 12 assists a game.

[Jackie]

That's insane.

[Kevin Clancy]

That's insane. If there's even a doubt of MVP like I whatever the future is right now at DraftKings, bet it. Because if he keeps up with that, it's a lock. Bet $5 right now to get 150 in bonus bets if you were bet with so use promo code KFC at the DraftKings sportsbook. Put up five bucks and get $150 in bonus bets. If your bet wins, that's just five bucks only at DraftKings. The crown is yours.

[Jackie]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 8778 Hope NY or text Hopeny 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by juri jurisdiction. Boyd in Ontario bet must win to receive reward. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG co ft ball also songwriters do so well. I I have my buddy, his friend is a songwriter and I went to like her like friends and family concert with him and she Was singing all the songs she wrote wrote. Because it was just like this very small friends and family, like, you can't even get tickets, I don't think. And I was like, wait, this is Harry Styles. Wait, this is Halsey. Wait, this is Sabrina Carpenter. Wait, this is. And he's like, yeah, she wrote all of them. And I was like, oh, I thought. Because again, is it the Mercury Lounge, which is like this some small little club here in New York? And I. I didn't. I just knew it was his songwriting friend at the Mercury Lounge. Like, I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was going to be us and about 75 other people. And I was like, but she wrote all these songs.

[Steve Fury]

He's like, yeah, it's so much more impressive.

[Jackie]

And.

[Steve Fury]

But then, see, the person who really did, like, my homie wrote that's my type.

[Jackie]

What's that one?

[Steve Fury]

That Saweetie song. That's my thought, like, five years ago. I mean, it's not a great song, but you're just. You just go, wow, that's incredible. You wrote something that.

[Jackie]

But then I was like. I was like, so how did I think, how does she do, like, financially? And he's like, dude, she has, like, tens of millions of dollars and I don't even know her name, and she gets to go out and do whatever the fuck she wants.

[Steve Fury]

You don't have to perform those every night.

[Jackie]

Yeah, you do it small for your friends is. I was like, that's. That's cooler than being a celebrity, is being someone who's just.

[Steve Fury]

I think so, too.

[Jackie]

Like, yeah, I. I have so much money and no one knows who the I am.

[Steve Fury]

Cuz, like, you know, we hang out with celebrities and I work with them and stuff. It doesn't look that fun. You know what I mean? Like, a lot of the guys, these big comedians that I open for work for, they get bothered. We're at dinner eating steaks, you know, 300, 200 steaks. You. You can't get a thing. And people come up to them in the middle of dinner and ask them to do all this. And it's like, this doesn't seem that fun.

[Jackie]

I remember we had one night that sticks out to me as it was a very fun night. But it stuck out to me as like, oh, that's a different world. Where it was Arizona super bowl last year, two years ago, and we were all at this dive bar, and it was like a lot of barstool people. And I think Dan was there, and I think PFT was there. And then Burke came and Shane came, and Kristen Yelich came, and there might have been another, like, one or two. More like a list, like, big people. And we were having so much fun. It was a blast. We're playing, like, shuffleboard, and it was all, like, a regular night. But then I started to look around, and I was like, oh, everyone else in this bar is just watching us. And, like, obviously not me, but, like, you know, Shane and Bert and all that. And I was like, this, like. It felt like really, like, zoo animal. Like.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

No, everyone else was sitting at the table, just drinking, just watching. And it was like, we're just playing shuffleboard, like, calling their friends. Yeah, dude. I remember, like, everyone's coming to Bert being like, dude, take your shirt off. Take your shirt. I was like, you're going up to a guy at a. I think it was the night after they. They did a show. Burton Shane at.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Where The.

[Steve Fury]

The one in the round, right where the Coyotes played.

[Jackie]

And so it's Arizona State's rank, and I think they came afterwards, and it was just like, God, this is. This is weird. Like, it's uncomfortable to be a part of this.

[Steve Fury]

Well, Bert's so good about it, but I just wouldn't be like Bert.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Steve Fury]

You know, I mean, like, someone comes up to me and I'm with my friends and my family, ask me to take my shirt off, to take a picture, I would freak out. But he does it so graciously and so professional. That's like. Some people are more built for that kind of thing.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

Then, I mean, I don't know if Shane would have took it so easily if someone, like, bothered him, because he's kind of more.

[Jackie]

Yeah, Shane. I think. I think Shane's gotten to the point where he just, like, doesn't go out anymore. Yeah, it is like.

[Kevin Clancy]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

It's insane.

[Steve Fury]

He's so funny. His new hours so good.

[Jackie]

Is it?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, I saw it at the forum. I saw 30 of it at the Forum, and it was. Dude, my favorite thing he's ever written, so. And I'm a pretty big fan.

[Jackie]

The. I don't know if it's in and out. I saw him, like, right after Beautiful Dogs came out. Like, literally, like, three days later. He was doing a show at our buddy's pizza place in Long Island. Like, it was like. It was that raw material. He's like, I'm getting out of the city. I'm going out. It was Barely's pizza place, and he had the Notre Dame story.

[Steve Fury]

Yes. Oh, my God. That's the story. I might have seen it when it was a little chopped up. A little better too. But God damn, that thing is so.

[Kevin Clancy]

It's the.

[Steve Fury]

It's the best. I think the best thing he's ever read.

[Jackie]

I was like, how have it.

[Kevin Clancy]

How.

[Jackie]

Like Obviously this happened 20 years ago.

[Steve Fury]

Whatever.

[Jackie]

It was like, why are you waiting till now to. It's the funniest story I've ever heard in my life. Even funnier than the Manga Bee, which is really close.

[Steve Fury]

It did beat them angry. I'm gonna come back, I'm gonna punch it up. We'll be here in a year and a half. These people won't remember. But yes, that is one of the all time funny stories I've ever heard in my life.

[Jackie]

Do you ever.

[Steve Fury]

I saw that the Forum six months ago at Netflix as a joke.

[Jackie]

Is that what is it with the Schultz and him night? Yeah. What'd you want to do for the government? CIA?

[Steve Fury]

No, my mom works in California and from Sacramento, so that's where the capital is. So she actually works for the Department of Justice. But to me, to guess what she does, I would have to listen a lot harder.

[Jackie]

Dude, Department of Justice. I got a buddy works in the Department of Justice and. And he like can't tell anyone. What? Obviously there's different levels of Department of Justice stuff. He has the sweetest setup in the world where he can't. His wife can't know where he works.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, wow.

[Jackie]

He can't bring his phone into work. He has to leave it in the car.

[Steve Fury]

Sounds like a guy who's cheating on his wife for sure. It's like, baby, baby, I'm a high level Applebee's manager. I can't just bring my phone into work or tell you when I'm working.

[Jackie]

That's what I told him. Dude, you got the best setup in the world. He's like, I hate the out of my job. But yeah, that part is pretty nice. I could just disappear for a day.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, that one's interesting. I don't. Yeah, I don't know. She can't do that. Hers isn't that much. It's like she's like helping like sheriff determine what different sheriff organizations get a budget. It's not like very.

[Jackie]

It's not. It's not as fun.

[Steve Fury]

No, no. It's not like Washington, D.C. department of Justice. It's like California where she's just like determining what. I don't know what the man, I'd have to listen. Sorry, mom. I love what you do, but.

[Jackie]

But that's we.

[Kevin Clancy]

I always say that.

[Jackie]

That, like, that's. That's a real relationship. When I don't know what the. You do. I don't know what any of my friends do. I don't have a clue. Like, wow, obviously in comedy. Yeah. But, like, my friends who I grew up with, I don't. I have no idea what they do. I mean, I know sales or, like, I know this person does something for some technology company, but I don't know anyone does. You know what? It's also the boys.

[Steve Fury]

We don't ever talk about stuff like that. If you're hanging out, you know. How's work? It's good. Any problems? No. How's the wife? Fine. And you kind of keep it going. You never go, like, yeah, my buddy, I think he just got. He's driving trucks for the fire department. I think that was a big thing. So we were happy about that. But I don't know what that means. He said, it's pretty fun to put on the, you know, the lights and go through reds. And I go, yeah, that does seem pretty fun. But then it kind of ends there.

[Jackie]

I had a buddy who was. Was a professional hockey player, and then he was a professional hockey coach for a while, and then we didn't talk for, like, you know, normal amount of time, I think, for guys, but, like, probably like a year or so. And I finally caught up with him. I was like, so, what's been up? And he's like, ah, you know, he's down at the firehouse. And I was like, wait, how long you been there?

[Steve Fury]

He's like, I'm a captain.

[Jackie]

He's like, I've been here two years, man. I was like, you've been a firefighter for two. I've been telling people you're the goalie coach of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

[Steve Fury]

Dude, I. I did meet a dude who was like, for the New Jersey. Oh, no, no, no, no, not New Jersey. Worcester. He was for the Worcester. Whatever their hockey team is. He was their enforcer. That was interesting. And he just. He walked over and he had one YouTube clip that was just all like, the 50 fights he's been in. And he just showed that to us and was so cool because everyone else was like, look at these goals. He's like some French guy or whatever. The, like, look at these gold. I swore. And this guy's like, look at this dude's ass. I beat Saskatchewan. It was late for.

[Jackie]

It is so crazy that hockey is still just like, yeah, we just fight, man.

[Steve Fury]

It is fun.

[Jackie]

We could Just fight.

[Steve Fury]

It is fun. They don't really have hockey in California. I never met no one.

[Jackie]

I don't watch California hockey.

[Steve Fury]

I didn't know it was a thing. Are you talking about even.

[Jackie]

Even NHL? I won't watch it. I think it looks weird. I. I know it's crazy. I know I'm wrong, but I think on the west coast they film hockey too high and it looks different on tv. And I'm like, you remember like when you played NHL and you could like change the, like the camera level?

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Ice level camera or whatever. Ice view camera. And like there was one really high shot and the players looked really small. That's how they film it. At least in San Jose, for sure. I don't know about the other ones, but I'm like, I'll put it on. Like, I can't watch this game.

[Steve Fury]

I just don't even know where you would ice skate in California because every time you ever talk someone like, yeah, I did it. And like, well, what'd you do? Like, well, they drive four and a half hours every Sunday at 6:00am I'm like, okay, well, that's something my son's not doing. Like Pixar kicking a ball. Dog skates aren't for you, homie.

[Jackie]

It's cr. I mean, I played hockey. So I think back to like the times of my dad would have to get me up at like 3am yeah.

[Steve Fury]

The hockey dad thing I've heard about is the craziest thing.

[Jackie]

You must have loved hockey. And I love hockey. So, you know, if I ever have a kid, I would hope that they played as well, but I would not be looking forward to that.

[Steve Fury]

No. He was like, I didn't love hockey. I love the potential of a scholarship. And you didn't get that. So that was a lot of time I wasted.

[Jackie]

I appreciate you. So I played. I played in Florida. And you sang like, the drive. That's so long. Like, I. I lived in Tallahassee. I went to FSU for a little bit and I played club hockey there and like to practice, which we didn't do every day or anything like that. That would be nuts.

[Steve Fury]

But like this on ice.

[Jackie]

Yeah. It was like a four hour drive to practice. It was three. About three. We were in Tallahassee. The rink was either in Jacksonville, which is probably two and a half, or in Orlando, which is probably three and a half, and we'd have to just go there for practice. It was nuts. Nuts.

[Steve Fury]

That'd be nice if you could bet on that and then find the teams that are farther away from practice facilities and then bet them to lose every time.

[Jackie]

Dude, they're all good. They're all so bad.

[Steve Fury]

It's not many. It's too hard. It seems like it's too expensive of a thing to even try in Florida, I think.

[Jackie]

I actually think it's changed. There was. When I was playing, there was one good school. Florida Gulf Coast University was actually pretty good. Good. No one like, good good.

[Steve Fury]

I remember their basketball team.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah, the dunks and threes.

[Steve Fury]

That was fun.

[Jackie]

The. I think that the coach. I think he still coaches the USC now. I think he went from dunk City.

[Kevin Clancy]

Really?

[Jackie]

I think he had a USC deal. I don't know.

[Steve Fury]

I remember they had, like, a Puerto Rican dude or a white dude with braids.

[Jackie]

Yeah, that's me. But the. The FGCU was pretty good, but I think they're getting better now. But at the time, it was like, I was. I'm from Massachusetts, so I played pretty good hockey for most of my life. And I went down there and like, we would do, like, contests before games where it's like, yo, if you. Can you get. Can you drink more margaritas than goals you can score today? Because there's a Chili's right across from the ring. So, like, I'd have, like, seven margaritas.

[Steve Fury]

How many goals you guys score in your league?

[Jackie]

Not a lot. Oh, yeah, but I like to drink.

[Steve Fury]

Talking about doubles or singles.

[Jackie]

Yeah, but, like, there was probably nights where I was like, I. I drink four margaritas and score five goals. Really?

[Steve Fury]

It was Wade Boggs.

[Jackie]

I only played for a year, I think. So it was like, this is just a silly waste of time to. It's not three hours too much. It's fun. It's fun camaraderie. It is by far, in my experience, the sport with the best camaraderie. By far. Not even close.

[Steve Fury]

I can see that.

[Jackie]

It's because you. At a young age, I think. I also think hockey guys tend to have the best personalities because, like, obviously, let's rank them. It's because I'm ranking best.

[Steve Fury]

Sports personalities are worse, I think. Worst baseball.

[Jackie]

Worst baseball.

[Steve Fury]

For baseball, people are morons. Everything do is stupid. I don't enjoy any person I've ever heard speak in a baseball game.

[Jackie]

Completely agree. I think because it's basically an individual sport that is. That masquerades as a team sport.

[Steve Fury]

They just seem so cheesy. Anytime they talk, it seems so prepared. And it's just. They're acting like I'm like, what, You're Doing is barely sports more of a skill. It's almost like golf. Yes, golf. I don't know, it's just not. They have this. I just can't stand baseball players. I've never enjoyed a baseball player.

[Jackie]

I was a big baseball player. I played college baseball for a year. I completely agree with you. I think baseball is at Tallahassee. No, no, no. I went my freshman year. I went to school up in Vermont. So the. I did. I did baseball in Vermont, hockey in Florida. I was just where I could be. Okay.

[Steve Fury]

They come up here, I go down there.

[Jackie]

But the.

[Steve Fury]

Okay, baseball number one.

[Jackie]

Baseball is the worst. Then I would probably put. I think basketball and football both have kind of equal great personalities. Just football has more players so you have more like one shine through. But I think they're about equal. We'll give them time both the two spot. And then I have hockey one. Hockey seems pretty cool because hockey at a. At such a young age, like I think. I think probably when I was six or seven, I like started getting dressed by myself with the boys. So I get undressed by myself with the boys, showered with the boys. And then that was like. It was like an hour and a half a day.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

That I was just hanging out with the fellas. And you kind of. You're shooting the. You're telling stories, all that kind of stuff that I think. I think that like instills in you the best person. Because basketball, you're just showing up to the gym and playing. There's no, there's no like lock so many teams.

[Steve Fury]

You're on like multiple teams. I feel like hockey, you're probably on one for a long time and then maybe your local one.

[Jackie]

You come up with the guys for a while. Yeah. And then all the other sports of football I played football. We didn't have like a locker room.

[Steve Fury]

I felt like squads like they're like cornerbacks were all friends.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

O line was friends.

[Jackie]

Yeah. All the fat white guys are friends. Fast black guys are friends.

[Steve Fury]

Surprised we didn't intermingle more. Wonder what it was a cultural thing or something.

[Jackie]

I would try and bring the hockey locker room to other locker rooms. It actually worked when I was in high school that like the baseball team adapted it and it was like fun.

[Steve Fury]

No, that's fun.

[Jackie]

But football was like.

[Steve Fury]

Did you shower in football? We never showered in football.

[Jackie]

Football there would be like. Basically it would be like the hockey players who played football would shower. That was about it.

[Steve Fury]

Cuz in California and you. No one showered with each other really. After PE after anything.

[Jackie]

I didn't. We didn't have gym, so I didn't. I don't know that. But like after sports.

[Steve Fury]

Didn't have gym?

[Jackie]

No, it was a. It was a boarding school where you like had to. So I had gym in like elementary school, but no one showered then. But then when I got older, I guess to save time so we could do more school stuff, you just had to play a sport. And then that, that like crossed off your physical.

[Steve Fury]

Without Jim, my GPA would have been far, far less. That was the only thing that saved me. 2.2.

[Jackie]

Did it again, pops.

[Steve Fury]

There's one a few season D in there. I was the one that saved me. I knew that.

[Jackie]

Were you. Were you. You were bad student? I was a bad student, Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

I was 2.5 from first grade till I graduated high school. College.

[Jackie]

I guess I was right around there. Yeah, you were smart, weren't you?

[Pav]

I was like 3.7.

[Jackie]

Yeah. I was like this very specific number.

[Pav]

But like, I like cheated a lot.

[Jackie]

You cheated a lot?

[Steve Fury]

Oh, yeah. I cheated exclusively.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Pav]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

Well, you're. What are you, like 28?

[Pav]

No, 25.

[Steve Fury]

Okay. Well, I just think you've been on this long time. I didn't mean that. But when I was in college, they just kind of came out with the iPhone that you could do whatever, and this was my move right here. So I'd write the whole paper the day before and I tuck it right here and I put my legs like this. And then when the teacher walked by and we didn't, they'd go like this and I would just copy everything I did from the thing. And they didn't know iPhones had done that yet because they were old as fuck. So it was just. It looked like I had to piss most of the time. Like Steve, my guy, uti. I'm like, don't worry about me, I'm chillin dog. And then I'll do this and then you scroll. And that's how I got through college, really. Only way.

[Jackie]

I was never a big cheat. I don't know why. I just like, didn't.

[Pav]

I like had people like go and take pictures of all the, like the book with the tests.

[Jackie]

Really? I think. I think I put in such little effort that even cheating was too much. Like, I'm dead serious. I think I'm not even.

[Steve Fury]

You just winged it. You're like, yeah, three point or 2.5. I got it in here.

[Jackie]

That's why I didn't graduate. Yeah. But like, I, I like, I never got into the cheating.

[Steve Fury]

You didn't graduate high school?

[Jackie]

I didn't graduate college. Oh, I, I graduated high school, but I didn't school barely too.

[Steve Fury]

I did a Van Wilder at a city school. It was embarrassing really. Took me like five years to get past that. It was, no one even lived on campus or anything. It was just a commuter school. But I was like, I just hated it, man.

[Jackie]

I went, I said too. I just hate, I just hated it. And I, I would to I feel bad about like the money I spent to hate it. But I was always honest. I was like, I don't like this. I don't like it. Like I, I, I went to a commuter school for like a year and, or a semester and I would just drive to school and I would just sit in my car and I was wait to go. I was like, it was so easy to get. The effort to go in would be so easy, but I just couldn't do. I was like, I don't like it. It makes me so miserable. I can't walk into that building. And I would just sit in my car, eat a bagel until it was time to go home. And I would throw it in reverse and show back up in my house and be like, yeah, school is great today.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

Skipping college is, is interesting because you're only hurting yourself at this point.

[Jackie]

You don't really gotta lie to anybody.

[Steve Fury]

It only really comes back to you. But yeah, I would skip. I just would get so high. I would smoke so much weed before I went to class. I'd be wearing sunglasses in the back corner of the room and just barely get through it, get the notes and I would just focus on the study sheet.

[Jackie]

Do you regret that? Do you regret like what the do.

[Steve Fury]

I need that for?

[Jackie]

Dude? I completely agree.

[Steve Fury]

I use it for nothing.

[Jackie]

Kevin always tries to get me to like not like with a real effort, but he'll, he'll throw it out occasionally. Like you should go back to college for content. I'm like, that's, it's my, my like only hard. No, like I will not. I don't like it. It was not fun for me. I'm not going back.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, I got no interest in it. It just wasn't. They were speaking a different language than I spoke and it just wasn't for me. And I knew the whole time I wasn't going to do this and I knew whatever was going to happen, like my whole thing, I was going to be a PE teacher.

[Jackie]

So like I did so well in that. I was like, you guys can Check the grades.

[Steve Fury]

A's since first grade. I was built for this. And I was just going to be a PE teacher, so, like. Which is a very interesting thing, you know, that I try to tell people all the time, and. And everyone always says I'm wrong, but, like, if you just set your goals to not being too lofty, like, I was going to be a PE teacher, making, like 45 grand a year, like, I'm doing great. My life's sick. I'm doing. There's not. I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish, but if I was like, you know, I'm gonna be president, everything, then I'd be a loser. You gotta put things in perspective.

[Jackie]

I've surpassed my expectations.

[Steve Fury]

I was gonna do that for 40 years and retire on $35,000 a year. I'm doing fantastic. No one thought would be here.

[Kevin Clancy]

Dude.

[Steve Fury]

Recently, I went back to Sacramento and I opened for someone in some place that was very big called the Crest Theater. And my dad used to take me there when I was a kid to watch Dave Chappelle, Brian Re, and Jim Gaffigan. That's what made me want to get it. And there's a bar next door, and I went and sat with him for a little bit. And, you know, after a beer, he just looks at me and goes, man, you got a lot farther than both of us thought you would, huh? I was like, yeah, I did, man.

[Jackie]

You got a lot farther than we.

[Steve Fury]

We both. Because we would talk about it, and he'd be like, you know, it's probably not going to work. I go, it's probably not going to work because, well, if you can make a living, maybe it could be okay. And I was like, I'll just graduate. Because college for me was just so my parents could stop bothering me.

[Jackie]

Yep. Yep. 100. I, I. It was the only time in my life I was doing something for them.

[Steve Fury]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Like, even, you know, the childhood, all that stuff. Like, I was, you know, they. They made me do things, but it wasn't just for them. I was enjoying it or saw the benefit of it. College was the only time I was like, this is literally for you, and I'm not doing it. Yeah, I don't love you enough. Yeah.

[Steve Fury]

And this means you can never talk to me about anything ever again. Because anything you want, I can go. I got. I graduated college. It was a communications degree. Those aren't really counting, but I got rid of it. Yeah.

[Jackie]

Comms.

[Steve Fury]

Where'd you go?

[Pav]

Usc.

[Steve Fury]

Oh, nice. I used to live by there you ever go to Bakari La?

[Pav]

Yeah, for the.

[Kevin Clancy]

For the.

[Steve Fury]

All you can drink the Wait.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pav]

With the mimosas.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, the mimosas, yeah.

[Pav]

Everyone's birthday.

[Steve Fury]

I used to.

[Jackie]

Yep.

[Steve Fury]

That was like the thing I would go. I used to live by there. And there's like the thing where they had an all you can drink beer or mimosas or sangria for an hour and a half, 30 bucks. This is like quarter mile from the campus.

[Pav]

Probably it's like on.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, it's on the same street. So like you go in there and there'd just be like girls hammered, eating like potato FR and like a little. And they like tapas. That was a fun little. Well, that area is actually. But it's a rough area, that area.

[Pav]

To be like, really?

[Steve Fury]

Especially probably. Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie]

The bar deals that college bars give out. When I was in Tallahassee, there was a bar. I actually forget the name of it, but it's on. It was on the Strip, which is where like all the non frat people went, the Jeeds. And they would do on Tuesday afternoons. It would be like beat the Clock. And it was like start at a nickel for a beer and like every 10 minutes or whatever, I forget the order of operations. But like it would increase and so everyone was just trying to drink as fast as they could before it got expensive. And then you'd go walk to class at like 1pm on Tuesday and people would be just like in the middle of the street, just passed out. And you're like, yeah, sorry. I was guy loose for 27 cents today.

[Steve Fury]

That's fun. Yeah. I used to have one where they would serve in a pitcher. It was a rum and coke, five bucks for a pitch. But the little one, you know, you kind of get them at pizza place, you know that the plastic little pizza.

[Jackie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Fury]

You get the rum and the coat. Coke for like three or four bucks. And that was what we would drink.

[Jackie]

A picture of it.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah, but it was like a little picture, but it was still a lot of rum and Coke.

[Jackie]

Yeah, it'll set you off.

[Steve Fury]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

All right, well, tonight, New York Comedy Club.

[Steve Fury]

Yes, that'll already be passed. Hopefully it's sold the out. Thank you guys for having me on.

[Jackie]

Dude, thank you so much, Steve. It is a genuine pleasure every time I get to talk to you.

[Steve Fury]

That was very much fun. Appreciate you. I would like to maybe get you guys on the show when you come to la, because it's a riffing show.

[Jackie]

I'd love to.

[Steve Fury]

So I was thinking you guys might be able to. Come on, just be funny. Pull the thing out. Be as funny as you can. So when you come to la, hit me up and I'll see you try and make that work.

[Jackie]

Yeah, dude, absolutely. I'd love to do that.

[Steve Fury]

Awesome.

[Jackie]

Thank you very much.

[Steve Fury]

Thank you guys very much.

[Jackie]

Sa.

[Kevin Clancy]

Sa.