Underraged Drinking ft. Pat

Summary

Podcast Summary: KFC Radio - "Underraged Drinking ft. Pat"

Episode Details:

• Title: Underraged Drinking ft. Pat
• Release Date: March 13, 2025
• Host/Author: Barstool Sports (KFC and Feitelberg)
• Description: KFC Radio brings the quintessential bar conversation to podcast form, driven by listener interactions and hilarious personal stories.

---

1. Health and Personal Struggles with Drinking

The episode kicks off with a candid discussion about the health repercussions of excessive drinking. KFC brings up Pat's past struggles with diabetes, highlighting the serious consequences of overindulgence.

• KFC (01:24): "Pat, you were just talking about it the other day or something on Twitter... I get such a kick out of you being diabetic."
• Pat (02:24): "No, I'm pretty. I was. I ate my way out of it because I had to."

Pat shares his battle with a pint of ice cream daily for over three years and how he managed to reverse his pre-diabetic condition by cutting out energy drinks and excessive sugar. This segment underscores the severity of alcohol and sugar addiction and its impact on health.

2. Peer Pressure and the Drinking Culture

The conversation shifts to the pervasive peer pressure surrounding alcohol consumption. The hosts reflect on their younger years, detailing how societal and social gatherings enforced heavy drinking.

• KFC (04:03): "I mean, I bought the house, I'm renovating the house. Like, I'm doing big expenses still."
• Pat (05:26): "You never travel."
• Feits (06:22): "I enjoy, but if you like, if fun is texting... I wouldn't say it's doing a puzzle."

They discuss the normalization of binge drinking in social settings and its long-term effects on their lifestyles, including financial burdens from renovations and divorces exacerbated by alcohol abuse.

3. Hilarious and Harrowing Drunk Experiences

The hosts dive into a series of humorous yet sobering anecdotes from their past drinking escapades. These stories range from reckless behavior to life-threatening situations, showcasing the fine line between fun and danger.

• KFC (23:44): "I mean, I. I will drink again, dude."
• Pat (24:40): "Call 1-800-gambler in New York."

Notable stories include KFC's near-death experience at a bar in the Hamptons, Pat's stint in the hospital after excessive drinking on his 21st birthday, and Feits' terrifying blackout incident leading to hospitalization. These narratives highlight the unpredictable and often perilous nature of excessive alcohol consumption.

4. Dating and Alcohol: Navigating Relationships

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the interplay between alcohol and dating, particularly contrasting experiences between straight and gay dating landscapes.

• Pat (61:10): "Like the first time in my life I'm like, I'm 35. I need to like, like settle down."
• KFC (67:08): "I think girls will. A guy who's cool or funny, like, like, you could find a fat, ugly guy and forget about money for a second because that obviously rules everything."

Pat elaborates on his challenges in the gay dating scene, emphasizing the difficulty of meeting meaningful connections without the crutch of alcohol. The conversation touches on societal expectations, the pressure to appear a certain way, and the struggle to find genuine interactions in an increasingly digital and transactional dating environment.

5. Social Norms and Environmental Behaviors

Transitioning from personal stories, the hosts critique certain societal behaviors, particularly focusing on littering and irresponsible actions in public spaces.

• Feits (69:55): "Littering is as white trash scumbag as you can do, dude."
• KFC (53:03): "Littering, dude. The audacity to just be like, bro."

They express disdain for littering, especially in urban settings like New York, and discuss how such behaviors reflect broader societal disregard for cleanliness and respect in public areas. These segments serve as both humor and a subtle critique of declining social responsibility.

6. Reflections on Youth and Drinking Habits

The episode wraps up with reflections on how drinking habits have evolved over the years, the decline in traditional partying, and the rise of alternative social interactions.

• Feits (48:43): "I'm trying to pitch this thing. I was on the phone with the Mets the other day trying to like do more with them."
• John (70:00): "They just wouldn't stop."

The hosts reminisce about the vibrant nightlife of their youth, juxtaposed against the current trend of reduced alcohol consumption among younger generations. They speculate on the reasons behind this shift, such as increased health consciousness, the rise of digital entertainment, and stricter law enforcement.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Pat (01:52): "Once I kicked my ice cream addiction, I had a pint of ice cream every day for probably three and a half years."
• Feits (06:22): "Do you eat? Not that much. And like, I'm active, so it's like."
• KFC (23:44): "I mean, I'm a homebody. So, like, I really genuinely love, like, finishing up the day of work, getting home, getting comfortable..."
• Pat (61:25): "As you get older, you realize, like, I will take a funny, like, biting queen over some chiseled guy any day."
• Feits (69:55): "Season 8 Valentine's Day Premiere February 14th is Valentine's Day..." (Though part of an ad, it's humorous in context)

Conclusion:

"Underraged Drinking ft. Pat" is a rollercoaster of laughter, nostalgia, and sobering truths about alcohol consumption and its effects on health, relationships, and societal behaviors. Through a blend of personal anecdotes and sharp commentary, KFC Radio offers listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the chaotic yet humorous world of drinking culture, making it both entertaining and relatable for those navigating similar experiences.

Transcript

[KFC]

Hey, KFC Radio listeners. You can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. With golf season quickly approaching, Chevy wants to help you make the most of every drive.

[Feits]

The all electric Equinox EV has it all.

[Pat]

A roomy interior, high tech screens, and more Chevrolet together. Let's drive. You want to hear how trash I am?

[KFC]

It's a quarter.

[Pat]

I didn't think sushi came out until like 2010.

[KFC]

Dude. One of my favorite storylines is pre diabetes. Pat, you were just talking about it the other day or something on Twitter or something on social media, whatever it was. And every time I see that and I'm reminded of it, I just, I get such a kick out of you being diabetic.

[Pat]

You're going to be diabetic.

[KFC]

I can't believe I'm not. I'm actually, I actually don't eat as bad as people think anymore. Once I kicked my, my ice cream addiction, I had a pint of ice cream every day for probably three and a half years.

[Feits]

It's crazy. Crazy.

[Pat]

I started doing, I just started doing that because I'm like, I guess ice cream helps you fall asleep. And I have trouble falling asleep. So I, I like, I'll scoop out French vanilla ice cream from Trader Joe's. Most delicious ice cream on earth. Scoop that out. I have like maybe 20 spoonfuls.

[KFC]

I mean, I, I used to put down a pint like, like just whatever's in the pint, however the big the pint was. I'm gonna eat it. There's the, the court I would eat. I would probably eat the court. Like, it's just. Come on in. You're in. But, but you of all people, being diabetic is just so funny.

[John]

Are you officially diabetic?

[Pat]

No, I'm pretty. I was. I ate my way out of it because I had to. Like, I stopped the energy drinks and I stopped M M's, which I was, I mean, drinking one now, which literally, like, like literally killing me. The doctor's like, you're gonna die if you don't stop eating.

[KFC]

Why did you, did you just go on a checkup or is this was something check up? Because I remember there was that time you thought you had aids. Yeah, that was very funny too. You were like sluggishly like, I'm dying.

[Pat]

It was. I was poisoning myself with sugar.

[KFC]

But is that what led to the checkup or do you just. Okay, so you were feeling like garbage.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

It wasn't just like how much Sugar.

[Feits]

Do you eat?

[Pat]

Not that much. And like, I'm active, so it's like.

[KFC]

I don't like if he has it. You have?

[Feits]

No, because I've been to the doctors.

[KFC]

No, I know you have. You don't. But I'm saying, like, you should.

[Feits]

Yeah, they're, they're like, you're totally, like, you're great. This is my thing about. I was told, I was told by a doctor you need a new doctor in February. I think it was February. I was told. So it's early in the year. But he's like, you're the healthiest person I've seen this year.

[KFC]

This is my thing about human life.

[Feits]

But I was like, you don't understand what I do to it.

[Pat]

You were his, you were his only page.

[KFC]

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Especially. Okay, let's say, yes, you might. You can be chugging and eating and check out at like age 40. And yeah, that's tragic. But for the most part, humans are going to live between like 65 and 85.

[Feits]

Yeah. Yeah.

[KFC]

And so, you know, David Goggins is out here running ultramarathons. He'll cash out at like 87 and I kick the bucket at like 79. And guess what I didn't do? Spend my whole life, like, you know, grinding to the pavement. And you know what I mean, that's how I am. We're the same ballpark.

[Feits]

Money.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

My buddy's an accountant, so he's trying to talk to you about money recently. And he's like, you got to have it in this fund that's going to get you 12% return. Like, that only gets you 16. I was like, what the is the.

[KFC]

Difference until you can reach another like, bracket of, of money where it's like, you know, it's like you, if you have single digit millions, what's the difference between like 7 and 9? What's the difference between 6 and 8 either way? I mean, I kind of learned that, like, I don't know, it's like I don't have enough money to like, be crazy. So I'm, I'm, you know.

[Pat]

Yeah, but does your money make enough money where it's like, you don't. You're living just off your interests that.

[KFC]

You'Re making right now? No, because I bought the house, I'm renovating the house. Like, I'm doing big expenses still.

[Pat]

You're, you're Irish, so you're bad with money.

[KFC]

And I mean, I, I, you know, I just went through the renovations, the the divorce settlement. Like, I'm still.

[Pat]

Imagine if he goes broke.

[KFC]

I said, I'm worried about being that guy. I mean, in the very beginning it was a fat tax bill.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Bunch of divorce like bills, then the divorce settlement and then the house. Like it's. I. It has not been like smooth sailing, you know, Dodge Viper, you got. No, that, that's the medieval statue with a permanent whirlpool that I don't do. And like, I don't travel much, but like, yeah, I'm hoping that I can do that. But it's, you know.

[Pat]

You never travel.

[KFC]

No.

[Pat]

You don't do anything.

[KFC]

I don't do anything. I don't do anything. So, like, be better doing stuff. Yeah, I gotta start doing stuff. I gotta start doing stuff. I, I always. We had this, this discussion not too long ago. They're like, John is like a travel and experiences person and I am a very, like, I'm into people in a weird way. There's also times where I'm like, get the away from me. I don't want to hang out. But like, I could text with someone and talk with someone and do content with them and talk. And that like, fulfills me more so than like, let's go somewhere that's I could be sitting at the bingo hall with a bunch of white trash like you and like, it's fine. You know, that's what I'm trying to.

[Pat]

Get out of on my phone is like, I am getting the social interaction that I need from my. To put it down and like, go.

[KFC]

I guess so. I don't know though. I mean, to me, yeah, it's probably better to be in person and place doing places.

[Feits]

It's whatever you like, like. But I happen to like fun. Like traditionally what people think of as fun, like going to games and events and stuff, I don't know. I enjoy it, but if I just.

[KFC]

Enjoy.

[Feits]

I get treated like I'm the weirdo. It's like, I don't know, they're just what fun is. And I like doing fun things. But like, if you like, if fun is texting, if fun is reading, I wouldn't say it's doing a puzzle.

[Pat]

Like it's comfortable.

[Feits]

I think I. I've talked to Owen about this and because Owen is kind of like me and it's mostly like, we kind of just get comfortable. It's not we're having fun, we're comfortable texting, all that. But like, if you go have fun, you're like, this is pretty fun.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

You know, I mean, like no one goes and is like, this sucks.

[Pat]

It's much better. Like, I'm like, oh, I' like a dating app, and it's like a pain in the ass. I'm like, I go out, I meet 10 times as many people, and half the time and it's like a regular, much more fulfilling interaction than being on my phone.

[KFC]

I, I, I, I'm just like a homebody. So, like, I really genuinely love, like, finishing up the day of work, getting home, getting comfortable, watching tv, comfort food, like, all that. Put a fire on. Like, I love that, you know, but that's not you.

[John]

Do you almost feel like money's, like, pressure to. I feel like a lot of people come on here and they're like, what are you doing with it?

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah, totally. And I, I'm like, that's where. I mean, I don't know whether I have this much. Unless you're gonna jump to a level where it's like, I don't know. Yeah, we can, I can buy, like, literally whatever I want. Do whatever I want.

[Pat]

You kind of can, like, to a degree. Can you buy me new teeth? I want new teeth in the worst way.

[KFC]

These are expensive.

[Feits]

Like, what's a lot?

[KFC]

They're like 2,500 bucks a tooth.

[Feits]

What?

[Pat]

This guy's like, the tooth we can.

[KFC]

Get that knocked down.

[Pat]

It's been knocked down. I got to call with him on Wednesday. I'm not going to knock it down again.

[Feits]

Tooth. And how many teeth do we have?

[Pat]

Well, most people, 10 on top. You don't do, like, six on bottom. But I knocked him down, so we'll have to bleep these numbers, I guess.

[KFC]

Whatever. I. You getting veneers, maybe.

[Pat]

I'm bored. Feel like he's the number one dentist, like, literally in the the country.

[KFC]

It is, it is one of those things you don't want to skimp on, like. Yeah, but also, I think it's one of those. It's borderline vet. Vet and mechanic, where it's like $4,000 a tooth.

[Pat]

Why, man?

[Feits]

Why?

[KFC]

Because it's like, I know you desperately want to change your teeth. That's why I don't think the materials are. You're not, you're not getting teeth made of diamonds, dude. You know, I, I do think. I mean, that is expensive, and I will not be paying for it for you. But if you can, if you can figure. If you can figure it out. It seems like everybody I know, like, the Will Compton's of the. It really changes your life. Yeah, I don't think you have that bad, like, Will looked like he was chewing on rocks for his whole life. He was really bad teeth and to the point that, like, you know, people said, like, I used to smile without showing my teeth and I was self conscious and people would judge me. That's the sort of like you, you become a different person, confidence wise, you know, like, you can't put a price on that, bro.

[Pat]

Like, I went into this guy's office and I like, he was on my Instagram and I went in and like, I get why he's successful. Like, I walked in, pat, how you doing, man? Someone else comes in. You should have her on your show. I'm like, oh, he researched me.

[KFC]

They're all salesmen.

[Pat]

You know, this guy was five star treatment. Remember when you said impressions when you were younger?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like you put the gut, the gunky. They have a thing now, it's just a wand where they like wipe it over your teeth. Builds a 3D, like model of your teeth. Fascinating. Yeah, it looks like, it looks like.

[KFC]

An electric scanner almost. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I wouldn't think of it as like, you're paying for teeth. You're paying for like, comfortable.

[Pat]

It's the first time in my life I've looked in the mirror. I've been like, oh, you're aging. I was like, you gotta do.

[KFC]

I've never, I've never looked at your teeth. I've never been like, pat has bad teeth.

[Pat]

But have you like in your, your what, 40? Have you looked at in the mirror and been like, I need to look younger or like, change the way I look? I guess it's different. Is all I think about.

[KFC]

Yeah, you guys are, you queens are just.

[Pat]

I am hammering the gym.

[Feits]

I. I can't speak for all straight people. I enjoy it. I'm like, you look older, dude.

[Pat]

Really?

[KFC]

Well, forgot. Yeah. Like.

[Feits]

My whole life.

[KFC]

Great for dudes.

[Feits]

I was like, I was the baby face guy and I think I'm not the baby face guy anymore. And I like that. I, I was all like, like, because I was like 16, I had braces and like.

[Pat]

But you look younger because you stop boozing. When people stop boozing, they go away. Like, you look younger. That's why I have raccoon eyes. I'm not drinking with gas until 3 in the morning.

[KFC]

Forget about how you look. It's just the fact that you' spending time with gas.

[Pat]

I was hungover until we did golf this morning. Until this morning.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I was like, why do you feel bad? I was like, oh, you were hammering tequila until 3. I just can't do it.

[KFC]

I'm so out of the game now. I like, I'll have cocktails, but I like, I really don't think I'll ever like have a night like that maybe ever again where I'm like ripping shots.

[Pat]

Down to one day. I'm down to one day a week. I don't do anything Friday night and then because I'll like go play basketball and Saturday sweat. And then Saturday I all. Every Saturday I got suckered into going out and it's just, I'm like teetering on not.

[KFC]

Can you not drink in the gay world?

[Pat]

What do you mean?

[KFC]

I feel like there's probably a lot of pressure in general drinking, but I feel like the gays. When you're partying, you can't be like, I don't drink.

[Pat]

No, I would. See, I would. I already don't have a social life. I would have. Negative.

[KFC]

Yeah. Can you be out there and be like, I'm still at the club and. And not drinking? Or they'd be like, yeah, like funneling it down your throat.

[Pat]

Yeah, of course not.

[KFC]

You know what I think is crazy?

[Pat]

You name it.

[KFC]

People who drink mocktails, I think are the craziest people in the world.

[Feits]

Those are. Those have to be worse for you than alcohol, right?

[Pat]

It's sugar.

[Feits]

You want 60 grams of sugar right.

[KFC]

Now having like the margarita mix. It's like Charlie Kelly, like you're just drinking mixers.

[Pat]

Shout out Ray. Yeah, she's gonna say she's starting a show on.

[KFC]

Oh, good. Good luck girl. There's a guy on Summer House who opened up a. A non alcoholic bar and I'm like, just open a restaurant or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know.

[Feits]

I do like the cans, but that's not really. Not like I genuinely do like I drink those. Not every night, but close. But that's not really a mic. It's still kind of.

[KFC]

But you're still getting.

[Pat]

What do you drink? A can of what?

[KFC]

No, it's called can.

[Feits]

Like a cannabis can.

[KFC]

You seltzer.

[Pat]

You drink them. When I was skiing with you, you drank a fake beer. We were up there.

[KFC]

Yeah, you used to do that.

[Feits]

I'll drink nas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I think it was so uncomfortable because I was slammed and then I disappeared in the bar because I knew he wanted to go. So I like. I kind of like disappeared. I. Some people look at me, I like went and talked. I was like hiding from him. I was like, we couldn't stay for like, another four hours.

[KFC]

Right.

[Pat]

I was like. No, I was like, all right.

[KFC]

I mean, I. I've never been, like, a. Too much of a peer pressure. Someone to succumb to peer pressure. So maybe it's just not. It's different me. But, like, I'll just drink a water or a soda. Like, I don't need to pretend, like, look at my martini glass here. To me, that's like, you're.

[Pat]

I just rather not drink.

[John]

Were you like that, though, when you were younger?

[KFC]

That's what I mean. Yeah. I've never really been a peer pressure. Yeah.

[Feits]

I think the longer I've not really drank, the more, like, at first I was like, getting in your hair.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

And then now it's been, like, probably two years, something like that. And I like, I'll. I'll have one or two. But like, I used to have. I used to drink Nas. Like, I drank beers.

[KFC]

Yeah, you'd have. Yeah, I remember you get buckets.

[Feits]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Killing buckets of nas. I feel like. I think bars have, like, a case of them and he would, like, drink.

[Feits]

They're getting so popular now.

[KFC]

Are they? Yeah, dude.

[Feits]

Particularly when I was in. In Ireland, drinking's down, bro.

[KFC]

These kids aren't drinking.

[Feits]

Ireland, like, every. Every bar had Heineken. Zero on tap. They had Guinness. Zero on tap.

[KFC]

I was gonna say, can you get a Guinness?

[Pat]

Like.

[KFC]

Like a. Like a full, poor Guinness. That is because.

[Feits]

Because Ireland, despite the fact that we think of them as drinkers, and obviously they are, if you're driving, you can blow 0.0. That's it. You don't get the 0.08. At least that's what.

[Pat]

Well, they're all on horseback.

[Feits]

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[Feits]

You think a ATM in a bar has ever been used for anything other than coke? Every time I'm in a bar, I'm like, I know why that's there.

[Pat]

And you look over at the guy's like, probably not. That's like a cash only bar, which I hate.

[Feits]

Yeah, dude, every bar has an atm. No bar needs it.

[KFC]

Yeah, not now at least.

[Feits]

Yeah, I remember when I was in high school, my, like, not my best friend, but one of my buddies, his dad was an architect and he did bars in New York and he was explaining to us that was. I was, I was like, oh, I bet you do. Like, no doors. So, like, they can't be drug use in the bar. And he's like, dude, it's the exact opposite. He's like, every bar wants six private bathrooms because they want to be known as the coke.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. I remember like, there was a couple bars that I would go to that have like a. A full like ceiling to floor, nice door. And I used to be like, oh, this is like, nice. Just like, it's not a shitty bathroom. And all my friends at Jacob are like, yeah, it's awesome. Like, I just like the privacy.

[Feits]

You walk. You walk into a bar, like, I'm just gonna take a pee real quick. And you see a public bathing. Like, we'll see you later. Yeah.

[John]

It's funny that, speaking of Guinnesses that girls have just discovered.

[Feits]

Oh my God.

[Pat]

I saw that online.

[Feits]

I was a big split the G guy. And yeah, I haven't drank in years.

[KFC]

So wait, girls are splitting the G.

[John]

Or girls are splitting the G and like, it's like a trend.

[Feits]

I'm shocked it's so popular because it was. It was really popular. I was doing a lot of splitting the G like three, four years ago. I can't believe, like, now it's what.

[John]

Just make it known that you started it.

[Feits]

No, I'm definitely way cooler than you are.

[John]

All you.

[Feits]

No, I wasn't looking at camera for that. I was looking at you.

[KFC]

I feel like. Isn't Guinness actually like, notoriously low in calories?

[Feits]

Which.

[KFC]

Which I get that, but it's also. You're drinking a. A milkshake. No, I. Yeah, I don't like it.

[Feits]

I. I loved Guinness and I would drink.

[KFC]

I do too. But, like, you can tell me it's only 100 calories, but drinking like 10. Guinness is hard.

[Feits]

See, I. I found them pretty light.

[KFC]

I like, like, you're not a mental thing.

[Pat]

Like, if I think that it's gonna be thick, it's thick.

[KFC]

Yeah, I can see that too. Maybe that's placebo effect.

[Pat]

I'll drink most things, though.

[Feits]

I'll Dr.

[KFC]

It in front of me.

[Pat]

There we go.

[KFC]

I like. I drink.

[Feits]

Come.

[KFC]

I'll drink again, dude.

[Pat]

You name it. I'll take it straight from the tap. I like vodka, though. Vodka is my drink. I love a nice vodka alcohol.

[KFC]

To me, you know, it's just like. It's just really like a glass of.

[Pat]

I hate when it gets cold. It's gelatinous. Give me a nice.

[Feits]

No, I'm 100 people who store their vodka in the freezer.

[KFC]

Because I feel like you're a real one, dude.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Feits]

The real one knows that's not.

[KFC]

But I do appreciate. I'll do a little. Like, you can shake it up with ice for me. Like, I will like it. Cool. But I don't like that. That syrup.

[Feits]

No, I hate that. I hate that large.

[Pat]

Does that. He frees it in a block of ice. Like, he'll take a bottle of vodka and he'll make a block of ice around it and then he'll just have it. Yeah, he's nuts.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He's off the booze. He's lost like 40 something.

[KFC]

Yeah, he's down big time. Big time. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I mean, the only cocktail I've ever enjoyed then or to this day is espresso martinis. I will drink a whole bunch of other. But the only one I enjoy, I guess a glass of red wine. But like, I love an espresso martini. Everything else is like, I'm drinking it to party.

[Pat]

I gotta get it.

[KFC]

I just think you have not got on the espresso martini.

[Pat]

I've never had an espresso martini.

[Feits]

What?

[KFC]

Why not? You just talked about everything.

[Pat]

I don't like coffee.

[KFC]

I don't either. I love espresso martini.

[Pat]

Really?

[Feits]

It's like a. I don't like or I did really like. I hate. I don't like olives and vodka. I would shoot vodka, but I didn't really drink it that much. And I don't like olives, but I love dirty martinis.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

Really didn't make sense. You combine the two. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

There's something about. There's something about like when. When I'm. When I'm drinking coffee, I'm like, I don't want this. When I'm Drinking a, like, alcoholic drink that's usually supposed to taste like. And now it tastes like coffee. Like, the bar is lower.

[Pat]

Right?

[KFC]

It's like, this doesn't have to taste amazing. I. I think they do, but it's.

[Pat]

Like, for alcohol, I'm getting to get it down.

[KFC]

Yeah. I mean, dude, I'm. I'm excited for you. This is like when you find out that someone has not watched Breaking Bad and you get to watch it for the first time. The fact that you're starting your espresso martini life right now, it's going to revolutionize your world.

[Pat]

Do you. You make them at home? Like, are you, like, buy them? Like, where do you get them? Brother, I know exactly what I'.

[Feits]

I.

[KFC]

Still haven't even announced it. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but. But wouldn't it be great if you could make them at home? Yeah, no, that's always been the. The thing about them was it's actually how I met Jet Ski. Jet Ski made me an espresso martini when he was bartender in Hoboken. Because I, you know, you used to have to, like, find a place that did it.

[Feits]

You met Jet Ski before you worked here?

[KFC]

Yeah, no, I don't think I realized it until he, like, got the job here. And he was like, remember that time I was, you know, serving you martinis? And I was like, wait, what? Because it used to be like, do you make an espresso martini? And most times they would say no.

[Pat]

Right?

[KFC]

And you have to go to, like, a martini bar or upscale restaurant. And even then they would be like, we make them. But, like, you're a pain in my ass now. It's like, I mean, you can go to Italian bar and. Yeah, it is a little bit that for sure. For sure. But also, I mean, when you do need to pick me up at night, it's good. Like, that used to be a problem. I used to. I used to get the point where I'd order decaf espresso martinis, which now you're a real. But you know, I would have, like, seven. And, like, I'm up from having seven martinis, but more importantly, my heart was beating out of my chest.

[Pat]

Drinker.

[KFC]

Yeah, in my day, for sure, man. I mean, I haven't in a long time, but I was like, you would.

[Pat]

Go out, like, a couple nights a week at least.

[KFC]

Dude, when. Yeah, when I was first living in the Hoboken in the city, it was like, yeah, every night.

[Pat]

When did you slow down?

[John]

What's the drunkest you've ever been.

[KFC]

I used. I. I didn't get out of control. I would get up. My. My friends always told me that they couldn't tell the difference. Okay. I don't have, like, a. It's a good trait. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Couldn't be me.

[KFC]

You got the drunk eyes. Yeah. Yeah. There was one time I was at the Drift in the Hamptons, greatest summer bar of all time, and I got introduced to Jameson bombs. It was like, Jaeger bombs were, like, you know, a thing. But they were on their way out, and this guy was giving me Jameson bombs. JMO bombs. And it was.

[Feits]

It was.

[KFC]

Bar barstool had, like, started. It was like 2010, 11ish. So it was, like, just started, but was big enough in that community that so these bartenders knew me and they were just. And I. I felt like that was actually the only time I would get peer pressured is people would buy me shots. And I always said no. Yeah. And so I remember being. I was out on my feet, and I was the drunken I've ever been. And by chance, my. My crew was leaving the bar and they found me.

[Pat]

Ever been?

[KFC]

Yeah, I mean, I remember like, standing, like, just up against the wall, and they just, like, scooped me up, and it was like, I think my cousin had just died. And I remember, like. Like, we were on a cab ride.

[Feits]

Like, crying, like, why am I still here? My friends.

[KFC]

But I. I really don't get, like, that. So I think my friends are like, what the. That was probably the drunkest I've ever been.

[John]

I went to the hospital once.

[KFC]

Did you?

[John]

Yeah. 21st birthday.

[KFC]

Classic.

[John]

Yeah, classic.

[KFC]

Did you get your stomach pumped?

[John]

No, I woke up. I woke up still so drunk. And, like, then. Then the guy next to me. So then I was talking because then I was on a party bus, and I was like, they're like, the guy I was love, that was like, John was there. He definitely saw me being so drunk. And then the guy next to me had just tried to kill himself because, like, his daughter, he was being, like, taken away from him and, like, whatever. I was 21, but, like, he. He was like, next to me, he just goes, yo.

[KFC]

And then every time your crush saw you a little drunk.

[Pat]

I'm losing my family over here.

[John]

And I think about that every single time. And now. Now whenever I, like, have a problem, I go, shut the up. Your problems ain't.

[Pat]

That's a good.

[KFC]

I remember we. We all chewed up charcoal. Charcoal pills one night. You know, I don't know those.

[Feits]

That doesn't work.

[KFC]

Right? Yeah. Oh, my God. We. So we, we left the city. My. I think my friend was driving drunk, and so that's why he ate them. And we were all like, let me have them too. And we got out, we drove to the diner, and we all spill out. We had two cars, so they come out. We all spill out of this guy's Jeep. Oh, this is a black.

[Feits]

Let's get a bacon, egg, and cheese.

[KFC]

And our friends who are also shit face were like, what the happened in the Jeep, man?

[Pat]

What were you guys doing pre Uber? It was just whoever is the least drunk.

[KFC]

It was, it was bad.

[Pat]

He's good. He's dry. No, no, just have a water, man. Offset the 12 beers, dude.

[KFC]

I never did it, but I was constantly getting in the car.

[Pat]

Oh.

[KFC]

Which is almost worse. At least, like, at least I'm like, I know how much I am and not drunk, you know? I don't know. You know, how bad are you? I don't know.

[Feits]

Like, my responsibility.

[Pat]

If I die.

[Feits]

Yeah. I was like, I'll die, but I'm not getting a dui.

[KFC]

There was that. I remember feeling that way for sure. It was so much crazy.

[Feits]

I, I, the. The drunkest I've ever been. Which I don't, I don't, I don't have one, but I'm pretty sure I got roofy because, like, I, I've got.

[KFC]

Didn't make sense.

[Feits]

I've gotten extremely drunk a million times. I'm always fine. But the. It was like, like my friends, like, we didn't know what happened to you. And it was in Newport, and then they just found me asleep in a bush by the pizza place. And then when they got me up, they realized my head was split open.

[KFC]

Oh, yeah.

[Feits]

And. And they had to take me to.

[KFC]

The hospital amount of times that, like.

[Feits]

Give me, like, staples like that. Dude, it was, it's im. I was actively trying to kill myself for a long time. It's impossible to die, dude.

[Pat]

Famous last words.

[KFC]

My friend fell down a flight of stairs that had to be like 30 steps to get up to our apartment. It was. We were on like, the third floor, but it was just two flights of stairs, so it was really like two stories of steps each way. It was like the third or fourth floor, so it was like double stairs. And I remember I actually had a. I bought like one of those Sony, like, handheld cameras. It was almost like a. Yeah. Flip thing before phones. And I took it out with us one night and I lost the footage. I would give anything to have it back. And I was filming. He was so hammered all night. We were driving by the George Washington Bridge and he was screaming, george, you, George. And we get like, I'm ahead of him. And I was filming him as we walk up the steps and we got to the very top and he just went timber. Fell back and like tried to grab the railing. And I just watched him like. And I was like, my friend's dead.

[Feits]

Yeah, he's dead.

[KFC]

And he just got up like, nobody go like. I think when you're that drunk, you're just loosey goosey. I don't know what it was like, he was fine. I could not believe it.

[Feits]

Dude, when you think back on, like, there's a lot of deaths that didn't exist, didn't happen.

[KFC]

My other friend went to an active construction site, was like walking on like cinder blocks, fell, and the rebar went through his shirt like that, you know, like rebar that metal. Like he fell. Like it could have went into the right. He would have gone through him and he would have just been like impaled in a fucking construction site.

[Feits]

We had that happen once.

[KFC]

He was flying around by himself.

[Pat]

I laugh. It is funny. They find him dead.

[Feits]

We, we were drinking on a roof and my buddy was like hanging over and slipped and fell. And I was on the other side of the roof and I just, I could hear him screaming and I could see his hands.

[KFC]

How high were you talking? Like, dead dead.

[Feits]

If you fall like 30ft, 20ft, you're.

[KFC]

Breaking your legs though, like.

[Feits]

And I, I, I so vividly remember this. And I was renting across the roof, like hoping to get him, and I watched the hand slip. No. And I was like, oh my. And I'm like, run, run. And I get my head over the edge and he's just laying on his back laughing. And I was like, dude, what the. You scared. Music. What the. You let me fall.

[KFC]

Like my best drinking buddy in high school, we, we had a house party. It was during the summer. He woke up, he was a janitor's. He was working as a janitor at the local elementary schools. So it was summertime and I. And they were like getting the school ready, cleaning it up for like whatever little community thing was going on there. So we wake up in the morning and he's like, I'm late. Runs to work, does not realize that someone had shaved a strip down his head.

[Pat]

No.

[KFC]

So he has like a chunk of his hair missing. And the guys are like janitors, like blue collar union guys. They're like getting kick out of It. They're working on the roof that day, and they're. And he's throwing garbage bags. Like, they need to move garbage bags from here to there. And at one time he grabbed it and he, like, spun around with it and he threw it and lost his balance and, like, falls off the roof into, like, a pile of garbage with his head half shaved. And we, like, kind of had an intervention for him. We. We were like 18 years old. Being like, you got to slow down, bro.

[Pat]

There's always the early adapters.

[KFC]

Yeah, he was. He was a. He could put him back.

[Pat]

Shout out to my dead friend Sidi. Guy, love, guy.

[KFC]

Best.

[Pat]

The most fun you could ever have drinking with someone. He would walk into a room and people got scared.

[KFC]

He was a guy.

[Pat]

Like, he was a big. You might have met him once. He's a big guy. Like, he got worked out by NFL teams. Huge. We were in high school. He would. He would bet 30 beers and he'd sit on them by the fire and he would pull them out until the box collapsed.

[KFC]

Yeah. All right, guys. Later. Time to go. Yeah, man.

[Pat]

But he was like. He would walk into. He would walk into a room and it was like, you know, you have one friend. They're a little unpredictable.

[KFC]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

He'd walk in and people be like, here we go.

[Feits]

You don't know what they're saying.

[Pat]

God rest his soul.

[Feits]

Did you. Saying the, like, forgetting kind of deal, like, about his hair?

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

Minded me. My junior year of high school, I had. I was, like, mostly friends with the older class. So, like, they had graduated. It was senior week. They're having parties. I went to all the parties, but I still had my exams because I was a junior.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

So I go out one night partying, like, till, like 4am it's the house the party happened to be at was across the street from the school. So I was like, I'm going to sleep here. I'll go to morning, take my exam, whatever. And I again, like, crazy. Woke up outside under the beer pong table kind of deal.

[Pat]

Like, woke up a literal child and.

[Feits]

Then like, grab my stuff, run. Run to school, take my exam, hand it in. And when I went to hand it in, I saw my arm just like, dicks and like. And I, like, handed. I remember the teacher, too. And she's kind of looked up at me and she goes, turn that arm over again. She's like, let me see how you did on this test. I remember there was like a big giant dick and it said, like, I love fights or something. Like, that and I was like, looks like I fucking wrote that. That looks like I'm fucking like narcissistic lunatic.

[KFC]

I'm just a drunk.

[John]

Did you end up doing well on the test?

[Feits]

Definitely. I don't remember what I got, but I passed.

[Pat]

We used to just poison ourselves as children.

[KFC]

I mean, that was it. You poison yourself. One of the biggest industries in the world. You poison your body.

[Pat]

Every day, what you do, you get so drunk. Well, that's why I can't believe children.

[KFC]

That kids these days are not drinking. I'm like, well, what are you doing? I mean, I guess they're doing ketamine and like, like, if you're replacing it with like other substances, fine. But I'm like, if you're not out there, like, I mean, like our phone.

[Pat]

Is the most addictive. The phone is the most addictive thing on earth. It's that and it's sugar.

[Feits]

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[KFC]

I guess so. Yeah. I don't even care about the drinking. It was like, getting the booze was like, oh, fun. Was fighting fake IDs and like. And getting someone to buy it for you. Finding.

[Feits]

I remember I turned my fake ID in once.

[John]

What?

[Feits]

Because I, I. Because my freshman year, my college, I was like, the only person with a fake idiot, and I was buying booze for, like, the entire freshman class. Like, everyone would come to my dorm, be like, here's 20 bucks. Can you give me six packs?

[KFC]

So you don't even want their own.

[Pat]

You had the one liquor store that you knew would be okay.

[Feits]

And I went. And I was like, can you take this from me? It's fake. And they were like, what?

[KFC]

I don't want this responsibility.

[Feits]

Like, I don't want to just, like, throw it away and have it found by someone. Can you just take this? I'm so sick of coming in here. Hilarious. It was. It was like a shell or some kind of gas station, as you always went.

[Pat]

I went to, like, a mobile.

[Feits]

Yeah.

[Pat]

There was Lenny's. Lenny's Liquors in Bellingham, Mass. We called it Lenny's Underage Liquors Acres. I was. I was like, farms and Fall river was there.

[Feits]

We used to go to Guiman Farms. We do. We would. We would. We were 15 years old.

[Pat]

They didn't care.

[Feits]

And we'd call ahead and be like, yo, we're coming to pick up three 30s. Can you just leave them out back? Yeah, like. Like, they weren't our friends. We didn't know who they were. Like, they would. But they would just put three.

[KFC]

It was called Imperial. And this old Jamaican woman, like, ran it and like, we would get a big box, a big cardboard box, and, like, fill it with random. Because it would be like. It was like. It was like, honestly, like, super bad. Like, you take the order. Like, the girls want a six pack. Like Mike's Hard Lemonade. You want Miller High Life. You want this. And they would just put all of it in one big cardboard box and you take that out. We were like 15 years old.

[Feits]

I. I remember, like, us having. Having debates. Children, it's probably more realistic to buy a ton. Yeah. Because, like, that's what adults do, right? They're going to want the business, so let's go buy a shitload of stuff. But then other times, you. You wouldn't be feeling as confident. You'd be like, I'm only getting one. I'm only getting one.

[KFC]

Like, early on, we were drinking 40s. Like, I can't imagine drinking a 40 now.

[Feits]

I got arrested at NYU drinking a 40 when I was 14.

[KFC]

Yeah, that sounds about right warm by.

[Pat]

The end of it.

[Feits]

Nyu, My friend was from New York, and I came down to see him.

[KFC]

That's what it's all about, drinking 22s and 40s on the street. Getting arrested, man. Hell yeah.

[Feits]

That was one where I. I hit it from my parents. So I got arrested and had a court date. But I didn't, like, spend the night in jail. So I told my parents, got back from the trip, told my parents that OAR was doing a concert here on like a Wednesday night to go to court. And I was like, I gotta be there in the morning. I'm gonna take like a 5am train. And my parents were like, yeah, sounds good, whatever. And they. My mom brings me to the train station in the morning, you know, like a month later, whenever it was. And pull up the train station, and my uncle, who's a lawyer, opens the passenger door to let me out. And I was like, what's he doing here? And she's like, my mom's just like, did you think we didn't know? And she's like, we're not sending you to court in New York City. I was just gonna go plead guilty and like, whatever and just take whatever.

[Pat]

Was gonna go to Rikers. Do you remember operating without money?

[KFC]

Yeah, I mean, dude, like, working on a budget, like that. That was like. That's also part of life, too, that I. I don't know.

[Pat]

Or like, I remember in college, I would, like, scratches.

[KFC]

Gather our money to buy beer.

[Pat]

My mom to transfer me $40. Like, that would last me a week.

[KFC]

Like, having a. Like, finding a 20 in your jacket pocket.

[Feits]

I would. I would. I. I still to this day think it's his genius. I. I think I invented micro loans. I would. I. So I'd be at O'Brien's, the bar in Newport, and I would go. I would know how much money I had on my card going in. So I would like. Let's say I had 60 bucks, right? And I would like, I have 60 rich. I guess I can have like, four drinks, whatever it was. And then I would close out when I got down to, like, sub $5. And then there was an. At bank of America across the street. And as long as you had cash in your overdraw account, you could take out up to 200. So I would. I would take it down as close to zero, and I would take out 200. And so then I would get 200 bucks for a 30 overdraft fee. And I was like, this is definitely financial genius.

[KFC]

You're paying. Yeah, 30 interest rate on your 200 loan.

[Pat]

That was so foreign to me when, like, they were like, a select few of kids. Select few kids in college who would have credit cards.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I was like, your parents let you do what?

[KFC]

And it wasn't a debit card. It was like, actual credit.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was actual plan.

[Feits]

My mom boned me as hard as he possibly could on that. Yeah, she did got me a credit card. Told me, like, your own money? No, she was like, you know, the. The speech you give, right? Like, it's for emergencies, all that stuff. I ignored that, and I ran it up to like eight grand or whatever. And. And then she was like, I'm not paying that. I said it was for emergencies. And so I had to pay it all off.

[Pat]

And on what? Just alcohol and food.

[Feits]

It was like, vacation. I was like, they weren't. They weren't vacations, but I was like, buying flights to go see a girlfriend. And then. And then in my head, anything that wasn't, quote unquote, for me counted as an emergency. So, like, if I was with her, I could spend the money. It was like some mental gym. It was just me who couldn't spend the money.

[Pat]

And.

[Feits]

And she's like, I'm not paying for any of that. And it was like a big, big.

[Pat]

Not. Not being that young is. Is 10 million infinity.

[KFC]

It's infinity dollars. It's, like, impossible to pay off. I never best, like, what is being young and dumb?

[Pat]

Like, I remember I tried to con my mom and let me go on spring break one year, and she was like, who's gonna pay for that.

[KFC]

I was just like, we had to.

[Pat]

Work at the ring.

[KFC]

My parents. It was not the money. It was like the, like, who were you gonna. Like, who's gonna chaperone this? Oh, we had one. We had one set of parents who was like, completely like, party animals that the other parents didn't know that. So they were like, yeah, yeah.

[Feits]

Would you do that? No. No.

[John]

I was gonna say, how are you?

[KFC]

I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. I mean, I.

[Pat]

With what?

[KFC]

With, like, kids and drinking and I. I do understand the idea of, like, everyone come to my house and no drinking and driving and all that kind of trashy, but it's trash and I can't do that.

[John]

14 year old at a club right now.

[Feits]

Like, it would give me anxiety.

[KFC]

Other kids, like, yeah, that's. Dude, I saw like, a movement on. On, like, Instagram. Parents being like, don't let your kids ever go on sleepovers.

[Pat]

I saw that too.

[KFC]

And it's, you know, there's just like, horror stories of, like, you know, I slept over my friend's house and, like, his dad. But there are horror stories about everything. Totally, Totally. But I, I, you know, I can see some parents just being like, I'm not gonna, you know, I don't know. You're not gonna. We're not gonna risk that. Like, well, sleepovers are, like, a part of now.

[Feits]

You're risking that your kid's a weirdo.

[KFC]

Yeah, well, that's much bigger. And the same thing with drinking is.

[Pat]

Like, I'd rather get molested.

[KFC]

I mean, the, like, the underage drinking was, like, who I was from, like, you know, 15 to 21. Like, and to me, it would be totally normal. But, like, now things are so different. Like, if I knew that, like, they. My kids were, you know, my kids, like, early teens, mid teens. If they're out there getting up the way. Like, I mean, we talked about, like, how we should have been dead. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know if there's always one.

[Pat]

Like, there were two sets of parents in my hometown. One of them, this girl's mom, she was like a. She was like a Vegas madam. Like, she was, like, smoking hot, like, huge tits. I won't go to their house, get. They take Ecstasy. Yeah. Stuff, like, in their basement.

[KFC]

I'm a cool mom.

[Pat]

Exactly. And then there was another one who would, like, party with us. And, like, now that I'm. They're probably older than I am now. I'm 35. I would never no. In a million years around with little.

[KFC]

Kids.

[Pat]

16 year olds. Like, are you nuts?

[KFC]

I. I think a good, like, middle ground of like, don't ask, don't tell. Don't do it in front of my face. If you get in trouble, I'll, you know, I'll like, don't get caught by the cops at the game.

[Feits]

I'll give you a sip of my beer.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because there's a rite of passage.

[KFC]

But it also seems like that's not. I mean, there are definitely kids still drinking. Let's not be crazy. But it does seem like it's way down to the point that, like.

[Pat]

But I don't know why. Unless it's literally just the phone.

[KFC]

In my town, it was like every bar just, you know, paid off cops or whatever they did. And then by the time I, like, by the time I was of age, Janine Pierro was like the D A in Westchester. And she cracked down like crazy. And, like, rightfully so. Like, I mean, we. There was a police station across the street from the bar we used to go to. And like, and the cops would come in and raid it. And I'm sure someone just handed them an envelope of cash and that was it. You know, we were like 15, 16 years old doing like all you can drink open bars and just craziness.

[Pat]

I was at a bet. My brother in law's bachelor party over the summer in Minnesota at some lake in the middle of nowhere. People are leaving this. We had like a shuttle taking us around. People were leaving this bar so drunk. And we walked out and there was a cop in the parking lot. He was telling. The cop was telling people to turn their lights on on the way out. He's like, lights on.

[KFC]

All right.

[Pat]

Holy moly.

[KFC]

Are you gonna. I mean, we have St. Patrick's Day coming up probably. What as this episode comes out, like, to me, that was always like a. I'm still holiday, you know, like, I'm doing it big. Are you.

[Feits]

I got three parties I'm going to. Really?

[KFC]

Wow.

[Pat]

In New York.

[Feits]

Yeah, all in New York.

[KFC]

I mean, for me, it used to be a month. Month. It would be Hoboken. St Patrick's Day was the first month of the year. Of the month. The first weekend of the month. And then like Scranton, Pennsylvania was like the second. And then, then there was a regular one. And then after that was Long Island RVC. So like every, you know, a whole month of St. Patrick's Day party, it's.

[Pat]

Like, you know, Italians don't sell. Like, Ria told me that she's never celebrated St. Patrick's she's like, yeah, why would I do that?

[Feits]

I don't know about that. My mom's half Irish.

[KFC]

Race.

[Feits]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I mean, that's one of those. You know, like, everybody celebrates. My. My. My friend, his dad was a firefighter. I mean, that New York City Fire, fire department type. St. Patrick's Day is one of the greatest things you'll ever live in.

[Pat]

Rockaway beach or something.

[KFC]

It was. It was. It was. He died in 9, 11, so.

[Pat]

Absolutely.

[KFC]

But, I mean, like, we were young and, like, Coney's party at the parade, the. The guys in uniform, the girls are putting on the hats or making out with each other. I was like, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my life.

[Pat]

It's so fun. I might.

[KFC]

Now I'm like, I could never. You know, it was a big thing for me, my friends, we had St. Clancy's Day, and it was the day after St. Patrick's Day. I would always get absolutely obliterated.

[Pat]

We would go.

[KFC]

Well, it was like the day that.

[Pat]

Divorce Paper Inc. Signs.

[Feits]

It was like.

[KFC]

We would go to Rathbones. Usually it was the day after, we would have, like, Hair of the Dog only. Only if, like, Rathbones was the. Oh, it was the best.

[John]

That's a cool name.

[Pat]

That's an awesome.

[KFC]

It was so good. It was my favorite bar ever. And it was usually only if it was, like, a weekend, I guess. So not every year, but, like, we go back for, like, Hair of the Dog, go to, like, brunch or something. And I remember, like, at least two years in a row. My friend said they were like, there was a twinkle in your eye, right where it would be like, everyone's getting like, can I have, like, a Blue Moon? Can I have, like, a mimosa? And I'd be like, anybody want just shots of Stolio?

[Feits]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Like, it would just start, like, flowing, you know? And all of a sudden, I was just, like, way drunker, drinking way more than I did the day before. On St. Patrick's Day.

[Feits]

I do that. New Year's Day.

[KFC]

Yeah. Yeah, we did that, too. We used to do all. You can drink brunch on the other side.

[Feits]

All right, now we're really gonna go.

[KFC]

Yeah. That was. That was our classic. Just for amateurs.

[Feits]

This is professional.

[Pat]

You did this Southeast St. Patrick's Day. Pray we're on that duck boat.

[Feits]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

The coldest I've ever been. And before we turned up the street, I remember it was you or Like Brianna or something. I was like, you think people throw us drinks because we didn't have any? And I think you looked at me and you go, yeah, I think we'll cover that. We turned up the street and it was like, it was like raining McGillicuddies.

[Feits]

I don't know if I've ever been in more pain the next day than that one. And it wasn't even drinking. It was yelling because we yelled for like six hours straight. Like, I, it felt like someone was driving.

[KFC]

That's part of why I can't go out anymore is the loud bars. I can't hear. And when I'm talking, I'm like, I.

[Pat]

Want to be able to sit too.

[KFC]

I hate, I need, I need you to hear my jokes. I need to be able to sit. I need to be comfortable.

[Feits]

Hey, KFC radio listeners, it is early March and you know what that means. It means my nights usually involve the couch, college hoops and Evan Williams bourbon. If you know me, you know I am about those three things. As you know, Evan Williams is game day's number one poor. After a long day at the office, there is no better way to unwind than flipping on a big rivalry game. Pouring glass on the rocks. It is smooth, rich and always easy to enjoy. Whether you prefer a pregame pour or a post win nightcap, the best game day moments can be paired with Evan Williams. Make Evan Williams part of your game day. Trust us, you will not be disappointed. We've been filming mascots as we've made it clear. And yesterday Tommy Owen, pals, myself, had a little break in the action. Watched. What do we watch? Colorado TCU had TCU - 2 1/2. Did not win that bet, but did enjoy some Evan Williams while we had while we watched it. Visit evanwilliams.com to find a bottle near you, Evan Williams. It is Kentucky straight bourbon Whiskey from Bardstown, Kentucky. 43 to 45 alcohol by volume.

[KFC]

That's why I'm trying to pitch this thing. I was on the phone with the Mets the other day trying to like do more with them. One year, I don't know how this happened. They did Mets at the movies. You could go to a movie theater and watch the game. It was the best because like, you know, you can always go to a bar but you are standing or it's not comfortable, whatever this is like you sat in your comfortable ass movie theater seat, you got your popcorn, the game was on the big screen and when people hit a like we were running up and down the aisle paying Attention to the game. Yeah, it was sick. I'm trying to get them to do it again. And they were like, yeah, yeah, maybe we'll do that.

[John]

We should do TV shows at the movies.

[KFC]

Total. All that you can rent out. You can rent out a movie theater in my town for 250 bucks.

[John]

What?

[Pat]

A movie? A whole theater?

[KFC]

Well, no, like a one or like, a screen. Yeah, people do it for, like, kids birthday parties and can put on whatever you want. And here's the dvd. The thing about, like, sports is you need the rights and all that kind of. But I was like, you know, if we can do this, like, I'll. I'll rent it out. Let's go.

[Pat]

But you ever have a trashy birthday party as a kid? Like, I had one at McDonald's.

[KFC]

Oh, that's super trash. Wow. I'm assuming at least had a play.

[Pat]

Place dad, like, get going here, right?

[KFC]

McDonald.

[Pat]

My brother had one at Papa Gino's.

[Feits]

Pat's looking over his dad. Are you proud of this?

[Pat]

Yeah, one of Papa Gino's making the pizza. All the kids was such a big thrill. Oh, we're making a pizza. But looking back, I was like, that was a trash.

[KFC]

I remember going to. When I lived in Pennsylvania. I went to this kid's birthday party. We went to a Phillies game. But before that, his dad owned a Burger King, which I think you are. You know, when. If you franchise a major thing, you are wealthy. But in my. In my mind, it was like Elon Musk and even Burger King. I knew that Burger King was kind of trash compared to McDonald's. And I was like, you own a Burger King? But he, like, took us there for that. And I remember ordering. I said I wanted McNuggets, and he was like, like. Like, it's not. It's not McDonald's. Like, we do like. And I was like, I want McNuggets. And he. He was, like, correcting me. Like, it's not looking back. I'm like, what a. I was in, like, first grade. Just get me the nuggets, man. Sorry, I didn't, you know, properly respect the Burger King nomenclature. You. That's.

[Pat]

That's. That's wealth. We had one girl in. In high school, her dad owned, like, four McDonald's on the mass pike. And we were like, this is rolling. We would all make fun of her because she was working there in high school. She's like, I'm inheriting these.

[KFC]

Yeah, bro. I own this.

[Pat]

She was such a trash bag. It's actually the hardest I'VE the hardest I've ever laughed in my life was we were pulling. We like went to like Panera after school or something. We were pulling around back into the high school. I'm not gonna be able to tell this story. We were pulling around back into. Into the high school by like the tennis courts where this girl was known as a trash bag. Where there were so many people watching this tennis match. And you bleep out her name and she's like. And she's like. She's like, my car is secretary smoking cigarettes. She's like, my car is so dirty right now. I need to clean it out. And I was just using her for a ride home because I had to walk home. And we're going by this tennis game and she starts taking trash from her car and throwing it out the window onto like, onto the bleachers as people were there. And everyone's looking like, what is happening right now? Because all this trash is just coming out of the car. She saw nothing wrong with. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world.

[Feits]

That is the only trash thing possible.

[Pat]

Littering.

[KFC]

Littering.

[Feits]

Littering is in front of every view. If you litter, like, I'm not even like a save the environment guy. I just think you're kind of a piece. You're not kind of. You are a piece of shit. Yeah, littering is as white trash scumbag as you can do, dude.

[KFC]

The audacity to just be like, bro.

[Feits]

I saw you in the eyes.

[KFC]

I'm gonna throw.

[Pat]

I did it with a little mint. Like the little mincy up front the other day. I was like, I'll just let it go.

[KFC]

Yeah, you do the old trash try to put in my pocket. Whoops. Yeah, yeah, I've been there.

[Feits]

Like, you're gonna see a trash barrel in a second. Particularly like, I know now with like Lucy's and like that, like you kind of just pop them in your pocket. Like, it's just. Why would you want to make a mess?

[KFC]

I do think it's kind of gross that you guys put your used Lucy's in your pocket. I would probably litter before.

[Pat]

Isn't there a container for it in the thing? Like.

[Feits]

Yeah, yeah. It was more like other things. But like, since I started using Lucy, you can pop the top there. But like, I. You. I like that. It's like, I genuinely can't comprehend what.

[KFC]

Kind of you're going to see, especially in New York, in like 25ft, you.

[Pat]

See someone like, do like something big. They litter. Like, they'll Just drop their. That's a scary person.

[KFC]

When all that, like, Donald used to be like, styrofoam and all that too. Like, it does not biodegrade for, like, forever. Remember the. Remember Dennis Leary song I'm an song?

[Feits]

I remember it, but not like, really.

[KFC]

Like, I think in the music video. And I think part of it is, like, he talks about littering and it's like being a quintessential is quintessential.

[John]

Do gum under the table. I'll admit that.

[KFC]

That's despicable.

[John]

Yeah.

[Feits]

Your desk, you have a bunch of gum.

[John]

What?

[KFC]

Like, no, no, no, no.

[John]

Like, it has to be like, if I'm out and like, I don't have a trash can. Like, yeah, yeah, that sounds bad.

[Pat]

I'll do that on a plane if I have gum.

[Feits]

What?

[KFC]

Where do you put it?

[Pat]

I've, like, I don't want to swallow the gun. I'll just stick.

[Feits]

Why don't you eat it?

[Pat]

It's disgusting.

[John]

My sister.

[KFC]

I'll tell you what's disgusting.

[John]

When I was younger, that the wrappers were edible. So for like three years of my life, I was eating the wrappers.

[Pat]

I used to do that with, like a stick ago Bubblicious or something.

[John]

Like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Feits]

It would be.

[John]

It wouldn't ever be like, the tin ones, but with the paper ones.

[Pat]

And I was like, you ate tin foil?

[John]

No, no, I didn't eat tinfoil.

[KFC]

Dude. Wrigley's gum. When I was like, I remember when I'm so old. I remember when winter fresh came out. When winter fresh dropped, I was like, yo, this is game changer. It was. There was the white and the green, and then the blue came out.

[Pat]

Winter fresh dropped. You want to hear how trash I am?

[KFC]

It's a quarter.

[Pat]

I didn't think sushi came out until, like 2010.

[Feits]

That's like you just got invented.

[Pat]

I never even heard of it until after Existence.

[KFC]

Existence. Our entire relationship is like, who's more white trash? And just sharing white trash stories about ourselves and other people. You win, dog. Not knowing sushi existed is. Duh.

[Pat]

What's this stuff? I was like, it's the oldest dish on earth. I think I put that on here before.

[KFC]

That is really. When did this come out? What? Sushi, dude.

[Pat]

Uncooked fish. Millennia ago in the Mesozoic era.

[KFC]

Were you. Did you under a drink?

[John]

Yeah, yeah.

[KFC]

There are very. There's a lot of people. Like, when I met people in college, they were like, I'm drinking for the first time. Like, I'm excited to be drinking. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Feits]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I felt actually the opposite. I was like, oh, I'm like garbage. I've been doing this for years now.

[John]

But my town wasn't like it was only house parties. Like, it wasn't parties.

[KFC]

I think that was a very pretty unique. What I've learned is my, my bar existence from like 15 to 18 is pretty ridiculous. I was 16, but there were 15 year olds.

[Feits]

In 8th grade we did bars, but it was like that was a special occasion.

[KFC]

We would go Monday nights of every night of the summer to this place called Scholars. It was the greatest $10 all you.

[Pat]

Could drink in, in Manhattan.

[KFC]

No, no, no, no. It was. This was Westchester. It was like a strip in. In New Rochelle, North Avenue. It was. I want to like do a documentary on it one day. It was like the greatest thing ever. It was a strip of. There was scholars O'Brien's One Eyed Jacks Beach Month. They all had like different names. Like, you know, they would change.

[Pat]

Just a bunch of Irish dirt bag bars.

[KFC]

Awesome. But they honestly were like, they were dirt bag bars obviously. But I remember like there were like really good DJs, like music that like was coming out early. I remember like I would get to college and be like, oh, we've been drinking at like bars like this and listening to these songs for like years now. Like it was, it was amazing then that Jeanine Piro ruined it all. But, but the, but I mean the bars were. It was. Oh man, it was. It's just, it's just weird for like a 15 year old kid to be at a bar.

[John]

Yeah, I know.

[KFC]

They had a, the part of $10. It was all you could drink and you could also like all you could eat, like burgers and dogs. And they had like an alley that they were grilling in. And I remember, I remember watching a guy pee on the grill like just for fun. And I was like, well, never eating here again. But I had done that before. And I was like, how many times have I had a piss burger? I've definitely eaten this before. And this is definitely not your first time peeing on that grill. So people were still smoking. People were still smoking. So like, oh my God. I would come home at the point, at that point. I don't even realize it. But now looking, looking back on it, like I. The smoke in my clothes and in.

[Pat]

My hair, like did you're like mother not know or not care the smoke.

[KFC]

Looking back on it, I'm like, I mean I came home like smoky Irish part. Dude. I remember one time I. I was so drunk, I took a bath, right?

[Feits]

And I was.

[KFC]

There was like, a wall, like this.

[Pat]

Whitney Houston, yourself.

[KFC]

Yeah, Basically, I had my head like that, and. And it was, like, so, like, black, like, on the wall. It was coming out of my hair. It's disgusting. So they must have known. And, like, obviously it's like you said, like, your parents always know face. Like, my one friend used to keep mouthwash outside the house and, like, drink mouthwash. It's like, now you're going into the house with perfectly minty fresh bread. Get out of here.

[Pat]

You ever used to hide booze outside? We used to do that. Oh, around the neighborhood.

[KFC]

Yeah. Like, the spot. It's like, it's gonna be warm when we get there.

[John]

But I forgot until recently, like, it. Since it was all house parties, it was just like, these guys, like, playing music, and it would be, like, only rap, and they would just. So then, like, we would all study, like, the lyrics beforehand and, like, literally spend so much time, like, so that I now, like, literally just like, all, like, I don't know, like, any. Any song I heard, I'd be like, okay, I'm learning the lyrics to that. So that just, like, at a party, I'd be like, you know, like, I'm not the lyrics. And, like, that was how you. That was how, like, you know, like, you peacocked, like, like, in the Bay Area. Like, that was. And now whenever I can't remember something and it would work, it'd be, tell me about cool. But I spent so, like, so much of my memory is just like 2000.

[KFC]

Yeah. When were you, like, in high school and college?

[John]

Like, yesterday? Like, a year ago, maybe. I don't know, like, 20. I graduated 2017, so 2014.

[KFC]

Jesus Christ.

[Pat]

We said something the other day. We, like, mentioned some show or something, and you didn't know what it was.

[KFC]

Well, that was for us at least. You mentioned they didn't know who said by the bell or Zach might have been something.

[Pat]

I think it was saved by the bell.

[KFC]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Pat]

That's a little bit before my time, but, like, I know, like, usually know it.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Feits]

Dude, I have a question for you. What do gay guys, like, do you guys, like, I'm thinking about. So Pavs and I are working on, like, this video series. We just, like, see cool dudes. Do you. Do you, like, do gay guys? Are you just, like, that dude's cool? Like, you don't. But you don't want to them?

[KFC]

No, they want to Them, like, most of the time. You guys want to. Every cool dude.

[Pat]

Not even cool. Like any dude.

[KFC]

Any dude. You guys just want to like everything that.

[Pat]

No, like their whole Instagram accounts. I'll send you something. I follow a lot of them.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Man crush for a straight guy is.

[KFC]

Such a part of our life, but you guys just have. It's just a crush for you.

[Feits]

Oh, dude.

[KFC]

But I guess.

[Pat]

So cool hot guys on the subway or like guys reading. You don't follow any of that?

[Feits]

No, cuz that's not what I mean. That's not what I mean.

[Pat]

Is that what you mean?

[Feits]

No, it. Like, it's not even really about, like, if they're attractive. It's just like, no coolness.

[KFC]

You probably think that about, like, diva girls, right?

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly.

[KFC]

Like, she's so. She's so do you. She's like such a queen. So it's just.

[Pat]

But cool guys don't really exist. Like, period.

[KFC]

Stop.

[Pat]

Like, within the gay community, at least for me. I. I never will look at a guy, like, at least a gay guy and be like, oh, that guy's cool. Like, I. That's just not like.

[KFC]

Because he's just a hole.

[Pat]

Yes, he's just a hole, sir. Yeah.

[Feits]

And be like, all right, that cool guy is doing blank, blank, blank, blank. And I might be able to pull off one of those things. You don't look at, like, aspirationally straight guys.

[Pat]

I do never. A gay guy. Like, I'll look at, like, I'll look at like, pavs or you. I'm like, okay. Like, you guys, like, dress a certain way. Like, I'd like to emulate that in a certain way. I will never look at a gay guy and be like, this guy is cool. That thought is never even.

[KFC]

You're the worst gay ever.

[Pat]

That's not how I'm sizing these queens up. It is not. You're cool or you're not.

[Feits]

So if a guy is. Is cool, is he attractive to you?

[Pat]

Not really.

[Feits]

No.

[Pat]

No.

[KFC]

Why do you somebody?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Well, I think. I think cool, like, I think girls will. A cool guy.

[Pat]

Maybe I'm just never funny.

[KFC]

Like. Like, I feel like we're trying to.

[Feits]

Turn Pat homophobic right now. Here's our evidence.

[KFC]

Girls will. A guy who's cool or funny, like, like, you could find a fat, ugly guy and forget about money for a second because that obviously rules everything. But, like, you'll. You know, there's plenty of straight ugly guys who. You'll be like, he's that girl. And it's like, because he's funny.

[Pat]

Exactly.

[KFC]

I don't think the gays are like, he's so funny. I thought you gotta be hot and in shape and.

[Pat]

Yeah, but like for example, there's one guy, probably like four or five years ago, I was on Fire Island. We pulled up to this house. I still think about this guy. We pull up to this house, this house party at like 3:30 in the morning when things are just getting cooking. The night is young. I'm up till 11am at this point. We pull up, this queen was holding court on this deck. Kimono. He had to have been 500 pounds. He was the funny. That must have been the drugs I was on or something. He had every single person on this deck looking at him holding court. There were tears pouring down people's faces. I don't remember what he was saying, but he was foul looking. But he was so cool and so funny.

[KFC]

They want to fuck him at the end of the night.

[Pat]

I'm sure I wanted to. Everyone did. Huh.

[John]

Was he gay?

[Feits]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh God, yeah. But like that for me, funny trumps pretty much anything.

[KFC]

Okay, so it doesn't matter because I feel like that's. I would not think that in the gay community, but I guess that kind of.

[Pat]

Yeah, but people don't. I mean, we're like, we're a shallow people.

[KFC]

Like, you know what most people tell you? Look, one of the craziest things, like.

[Pat]

You see the guys at my gym, the bodies at my gym?

[KFC]

Yeah, sure.

[Pat]

Oh my.

[KFC]

In a weird way, it probably keeps you like somewhat in shape because you're like a guy. I, you know, like I, I am always like, I am not in shape. I don't look great, but I'm like, I can get by. Because of.

[Pat]

You're a straight guy.

[KFC]

Whatever.

[Pat]

You would look. They wouldn't even let you in.

[KFC]

Right, right, right. Yeah. You're too ugly to even get in shape.

[Pat]

It would be like, people be like, you're a pig. Like I have to work out really hard and I'm just starting to do it, like because my shoulder is good. Now. The guys at this gym, like, half the reason I go is just be in the locker room and bird watch. It's like that's the reward. The reward of working out is seeing the dicks in locker room.

[KFC]

Bird watching is the reward.

[Pat]

The bodies, it's like chiseled abs, chiseled. I'm like, what do you eat to look?

[KFC]

Steroids.

[Pat]

Yes.

[KFC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Juice queens.

[KFC]

Juice queens?

[Pat]

Yeah, Everywhere now. The roid queens, everywhere.

[KFC]

What's crazy Is like, I always think about, like, during this. This is very offensive to say, but, like, the fact that, like, during the AIDS epidemic. Here we go. The fact that you guys just.

[Feits]

Just wouldn't stop.

[KFC]

It's so funny. Like, there's this disease that's killing everyone. If you have sex, you'll get it. They were like, let's go to Fire Island.

[Pat]

What time's the ferry again?

[Feits]

It's, like, crazy.

[KFC]

It's like, I feel like a liar, liar. Like, stop breaking the law. Like, stop each other during aids.

[Feits]

Just think about the pandemic we experienced. Everyone's like, just stay inside for, like, a week. Just stop. For like, one week.

[Pat]

An entire generation was wiped out.

[KFC]

Because I know it's crazy, but he would not stop.

[Pat]

So keep making your jokes.

[Feits]

Yeah, I do. Also, I wanted to highlight you. Check, check, check. Pat. Telling the story of, like, there's this guy. We're on Fire Island. He's holding court in a kimono.

[Pat]

I have never.

[Feits]

What's his sexual orientation?

[Pat]

Yeah, he was in. He was a literal girl. He was an elephant queen and a pink kimono.

[John]

You just. You didn't.

[Feits]

Yeah, yeah. The man on Fire island of kimono, Was he gay or straight?

[Pat]

As I've gotten older, I don't look towards, like, stereotype.

[Feits]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Looks are not it for me anymore. Like, I love. Like, I used to skew much more heavily, like, oh, I want a guy who's, you know, more. More straight acting and more masculine and this and that. And as you get older, you realize, like, I will take a funny, like, biting queen over some chiseled guy any day. There's just nothing funny.

[Feits]

I. I'd go. I'd go gay for Nathan Lane. I love, like. Like, Hemsworth is like, the. Like, obviously, Hemsworth's my. Like, that's the most attractive man on the planet. But, like, who would I go gay for? Nathan Lane.

[Pat]

This isn't. But remember the guy in Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams, brother who's doing the makeup.

[Feits]

Yes.

[Pat]

Any title? You'd look like Ma. Yeah. Like, those are, like, when I'm out, like, if I'll go out to, like, Fire on a River. Like, those are the people I love to hang out. They're so funny.

[KFC]

It's like anything else, like, gay or straight, like that. That's.

[Pat]

Oh, right there. Harvey Feinstein. He's also in Uncle Frank.

[Feits]

He's also in Independence Day.

[KFC]

Yes. Yes.

[Feits]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that voice.

[John]

Would you say most gay guys are funny? Like, it's kind of like a criteria almost.

[Pat]

I think they're either very funny or like, not at all. I'm just kind of. Oh, I'm. I don't know.

[KFC]

I don't think the pat's gay. Did you see that army hammer clip, by the way? It was crazy.

[Pat]

The Grinder? Yeah, I wrote about it, the Grinder.

[KFC]

Where he was just like, the way he was. He was describing and he's like, it's. You know, he's like, girls are awful, right? And the girl in the interview's like, yeah, no, totally. But he was like, yeah, you know, you'll just be like sitting there and you know, you look at Grinder and it's like, hang on, I'll be right back. This guy's gonna suck my dick. And then you come back and like. And there is some level of that which is like, you guys are just like, yeah, I don't know, let's just do this.

[Pat]

Well, I had to like delete. I would like delete all like the apps off my phone because it's just too transactional.

[KFC]

Yeah, it's.

[Pat]

It's like conditioned me to make like, oh, I don't need this to meet someone or to be in a relationship. I can just go on here. And you have three or four guys who you're friends with, who you come over and you abuse each other's bodies and then that's it. Oh, come over here. You want to have a beer?

[KFC]

Take it easy.

[Pat]

I'll see you in two weeks.

[KFC]

It sounds like a great system.

[Pat]

Yeah, maybe.

[KFC]

Maybe a little bit loveless. Maybe you want to settle down at some point and stop doing that. But from like 25 to like, for you guys, like 55, that's my biggest fear now.

[Pat]

Like the first time in my life I'm like, I'm 35. I need to like, like settle down.

[KFC]

But not, not really.

[Pat]

But.

[KFC]

Okay, so one thing that really all straight people is the biological clock. You guys don't even have to worry about that.

[Pat]

Yeah, but it's like, what do you want to be a. A 40 year old single gay guy? It's a double edged sword because the older you get as a gay guy.

[KFC]

The less attractive you are.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, you age like 35. I'm a, I'm a daddy, guys. And it's gross to say, but it's true.

[KFC]

Right?

[Pat]

Like, it's the first time in my life I've been like, oh, it's a little more difficult to like, like find someone hot because I'm 35 years old.

[KFC]

You've just been hot dudes. Your Whole life so far.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

I have. It's the douchiest thing I've ever said.

[John]

When did you come out again?

[Pat]

Huh?

[John]

When did you come out again?

[Pat]

When I was like 22.

[John]

Okay.

[Pat]

But yeah, it's. I'm ready to settle down and I'm at the age where it's like tipping. I'm like, I gotta get moving here and like be a little bit more intentional with how I date, which is like, I don't like to go out anymore because when I go out, I drink and then one thing leads to another and you're boozing super late in the morning. And so I don't like to do. It takes too much out of me. But in order to meet people, you have to go out. Otherwise you're in this weird online space. And then if you meet someone off an app to go on a date, I don't know if you guys are on like any dating apps or whatever, but then it's like, we are on a date.

[KFC]

Yeah. It's like two officials.

[Pat]

Part of, the, part of what's like the way you get a read on someone is if you meet someone out organically, you maybe you talk for a minute, then you move apart. You kind of see how they operate. You see how other people react to them. Are they a weirdo? Are they funny? If you're just sitting down having dinner with someone. One which I will never do on a first date ever.

[KFC]

I think dinner's like the worst date.

[Pat]

It's the worst. I'll do a drink. My dating used to be, let's go on a bender and see if you can handle it. That was it.

[Feits]

Welcome to my world. You want to stick around?

[Pat]

Exactly. You go to 5pm and then you sit there. First drinks come, couple shots, you have fun. You go out, you meet people, you go home. You. You wait. Would you a girl with a dick dick? No, I don't think so.

[KFC]

Why not?

[Pat]

All right, fine. I most, most. Most people and things I think you wouldn't.

[KFC]

A girl.

[Pat]

No.

[KFC]

You hate them, right?

[Pat]

The money was.

[KFC]

Oh yeah, yeah. The money.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

I thought you were like totally turned off by chicks.

[Pat]

I am, but if the money was right, I would do.

[Feits]

I saw a tweet yesterday that said I don't know why gay guys exist. Girls have buttholes too.

[KFC]

Yeah, but it's also. All of those holes are attached to them. They're the problem.

[Feits]

Season 8 Valentine's Day Premiere February 14th is Valentine's Day. It has passed. Coincides with the five year anniversary of Love is Blind on Netflix. Love is Blind is back with a brand new set of hopeful singles from Minnesota. Minnesota, Nice. Ready to fall in love, get engaged sight unseen. But once they are faced with the complications of the outside world, will they say I do? It's a question we're all wondering just when you know what to expect from a season of Love is Blind. A new set of authentic singles shows us there. Shows us there is always more to reveal about their stories, modern love and hell, maybe even ourselves. One of the best parts of watching Love is Blind, being part of the conversation around it. I know that in being in the barstool sports offices, it's all anyone talks about. Everyone is locked in on Love is Blind and if you haven't watched, you don't know what is going on with what everyone says. So the group texts are popping off. The memes are top notch. That is part of what we love to bond over. You can join the bonding and watch Love is Blind season eight now playing only on Netflix. And don't miss the reunion this Sunday. This past Sunday, March 9th at 6pm Pacific Time, 9pm Eastern Time. That is available on Netflix right now.

[KFC]

You bet.

[Pat]

Well, there's two types of gay guys. There's guys, gays and girls. Gays, Gays. I'm a guy's gay. Yeah, you're definitely on our show. He's like, there's two types. Joey's a girl's gay.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He loves hanging out with the girls. He loves doing makeup. He loves doing hair. For me, that's.

[KFC]

You're just like, I'm a dude who. Dudes.

[Pat]

I feel like I'm like, I'm filling a role that is not mine.

[KFC]

Right.

[John]

I was just gonna ask because I. I feel like I see guys on the spectrum of like, men written by women and men written by men. And then like.

[Pat]

What do you mean written by like.

[John]

Like, it's like the more there's just.

[KFC]

I don't know how to stereotypical like.

[Pat]

Yeah, like.

[John]

Yeah, it's like, I guess if you're more in touch with your emotions or whatever. What's this men written by women. But like, then there's like, guys, guys, lads, lads.

[Pat]

I'm a lads.

[John]

Like, I would say like Will Compton Bus, like Taylor Luan. Like men.

[KFC]

What would you say me and John are?

[Feits]

And Pavs.

[John]

I would say you guys are all probably men written by women. In a good way.

[Feits]

I. I thought you were gonna say that. I was fine either way. I. I had.

[KFC]

Was there ever a question? Did you really Think that there was a potential that she was gonna say were written by. She just said Will Compton.

[John]

I would say. I would say you guys are like actually all in the middle directly.

[Pat]

I agree with that.

[Feits]

That's why I could see either way, we're the best.

[John]

Fibula is like man written by a woman.

[Feits]

Who is he?

[John]

Yes, fibula is man. Rim by who's fibula? Conor Wood, like online.

[Pat]

But I spent year, like the first like years of my career here. I was like, I need to be like more gay. I need to be certain way. And now I'm at the point where I'm like it like, just. Do you have to try to be a certain way now? Look, I have that big old queen who fills that void for me, who sits next to me.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But yeah, this guy that is man written by woman. Most offline guy are great teeth.

[John]

Yeah.

[KFC]

Fife. He's the most offline I know. Like, yeah, he doesn't offline. He has no idea. Yeah, yeah.

[John]

Instagram.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[John]

But in like. But this came about because girls said that they all wanted men written by women. So that's a compliment. You guys should become.

[Pat]

I can always tell.

[KFC]

You know what though?

[Feits]

You say that, they don't mean it.

[KFC]

Exactly. No shades of fibula. But I could see some. I could see there are times where you kind of get maybe friend zoned or you or a girl said like, it's a classic. Like, you say that and then then like, do you go home with the. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think they all think that. Whether they follow through on that is the question. And I think you maybe as you get older you start to. But when you're younger, you're like, I want. I don't no girl's like, I want my boyfriend to be written by a girl. That's not happening when you're like in your 20s.

[Pat]

Tick tock. It's like he was raised in a house full of women and it's like this guy like doing a puzzle.

[Feits]

Dude.

[KFC]

There was a guy in Love is Blind. He was like, I was raised by like my sister and my mother. Like, like, I mean, I live alone and like, I put the seat down. Like, I just.

[Pat]

That's embarrassing and it's cringe.

[John]

Well, well, also, like, you guys, like, you don't get nervous around women. Like, you guys, like, know how to talk to women and like hang out with them and like, be. You can turn on being one of the girls. Whereas, like, I. You could sense when a guy is like, scared of women.

[Pat]

That's what?

[KFC]

Well, that's what's funny, I think is about like the guys. Guys I think are probably. They're like, if they're not you, they probably don't know how to like.

[John]

Yeah, like girls mistake for, oh, you're not giving me attention. I want your attention.

[KFC]

Yeah, it's like, no, they're uncomfortable because.

[John]

They like don't know how to lifelong part.

[Pat]

Yeah, but if I see someone like, and I'm out with. But I know people here who like get nervous around women. Like, I get like, oh, I get nervous, but not really.

[KFC]

I can talk.

[Pat]

It's like, are you like, they clam up and they don't know how to talk. Like around women. I mean like, I can sweat, like, I can code switch pretty well. But like, if you say boy and they don't know how to act, it's, it's bizarre.

[KFC]

You can't. We can't code switch the way you can. Can't.

[Pat]

I disagree. I think you and John are both very good.

[KFC]

We can't because we're like gay. But a straight guy is like, like, it's like, it's very nerve wracking to go over to a girl and be like, I'm trying to you like, but I'm trying to be polite. Like we know this dance and like, and girls are very much like, you're supposed to chase me. And I will, like, I will just blatantly shoot you down right now if it's not working, you know, like that, that is nerve wracking.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[KFC]

When you're younger, eventually I think you stop caring.

[Pat]

But like, I'll be at the bar and like, you know, we'll be talking to people. It'll be like a group of girls. And then I'll be like, oh, are you guys, are you dating anyone? Whatever. I gotta let them know I'm gay so I'm not a threat. Like, oh, are you dating anyone? And then they, they'll be like, no. I'm like, oh, there's plenty of guys here. And every single time I do that, the girls have the same reaction. Oh, no, no one here. Like, there's 30 hot guys in front of me.

[KFC]

And what's funny is like, you have the power, dude. That group of girls will go to a bar, like, they'll just swap, you know what I mean? Like, like the girls who are mad about the guys in that bar, you'll be like, oh, the guys in that bar are hot. It's like you're all just, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, grass is always greener.

[Feits]

When we were at that bar at Stratton, Pat and I were at a table with the girls he'd met somewhere, and I was intentionally letting them think I was gay because I didn't want to fuck them.

[Pat]

It's because my dick was in his mouth.

[Feits]

I was like, I don't even think. Like, it was never spoken, but I wasn't just. I was like, just so you know.

[KFC]

Yeah.

[Feits]

I could if I wanted. I don't want to talk about.

[Pat]

Talk about drunk. When we were at the bar and stuff, I was gonna say, remember that old lady who came up to me.

[Feits]

Pat, how are you?

[Pat]

I don't even remember these people.

[KFC]

I. I will. We'll wrap up on this, because it's one of my favorite patch stories. You blacked out leaving the bar. Maybe it's a different time. Maybe this was when you were in Barcelona versus America, when you just mooned the bartender.

[Pat]

Colorado. Yeah.

[KFC]

Mooning is such a lost art. The fact that they were like, sir, you're so drunk at home. You're like, I will. But first.

[Pat]

Does this answer your question? And then Roan. Evildoer Roan, he was. I. I, like. I threw up on the bar, and.

[John]

I was like, you just, like, like, stopped, and just, like, I thought that you, like, forgot something, and then you just.

[Pat]

Yeah. And then Roan's like, all right. He's like, let's go get some more booze. And he put me in the car, and we were drinking on the way. On the way to the thing. It was great.

[KFC]

That's great.

[Pat]

But that was the old mooning.

[Feits]

Is. Does this answer your question?

[KFC]

It's very funny. It is very funny. I'm, you know, funny place. All right, out and about is. Is the show. Follow them on social media. Anything special you guys are doing?

[Pat]

We got a show coming up. When's this come out? Maybe Monday.

[Feits]

Thursday.

[Pat]

Thursday. All right. Nope. Nothing special. Same old stuff.

[KFC]

All right. Good stuff, man. Thank you.

[Feits]

Sa.