Podcast Summary: Khloé in Wonder Land
Episode: Escaping Polygamy and Starting Over ft. Ashley Sandmire
Host: Khloé Kardashian
Guest: Ashley Sandmire
Date: February 18, 2026
Episode Overview
This deeply personal episode of "Khloé in Wonder Land" features Ashley Sandmire, who bravely shares her story of growing up in, and ultimately escaping, a polygamous religious community. Ashley opens up about her tumultuous childhood, the trauma she endured, the loss of her brother to suicide, her decision to break away for the sake of her own daughter, and the ongoing emotional challenges of healing, parenting, and identity. Khloé creates a supportive and empathetic space, guiding an honest conversation about family, resilience, motherhood, and self-forgiveness.
Key Themes & Discussion Points
1. Life Inside a Polygamous Community
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Family Background:
- Ashley’s father had 46 children with multiple wives; she was among the youngest.
- After a family split, Ashley’s mother stayed with her father while other wives left—adding layers to Ashley’s trauma.
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Living Situation:
- Childhood in trailers without basic amenities ([03:42]).
- Attempted formation of a new religious community in Mayfield, Utah.
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Religious Context:
- Raised in the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB), a breakaway polygamist sect—same as the family from "Sister Wives" ([04:44]).
- Polygamy is framed as necessary for salvation; female voices are marginalized.
- “You do what the man says, he's the head of the house, and you will obey.” – Ashley ([07:00])
2. Grooming, Control, and Gender Dynamics
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Mother's Early Marriage:
- Ashley’s mother married at 17; her father was 24 years older ([07:47]).
- Arranged/pressured courtships for young girls, with little agency or protection.
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Witness to Sister's Grooming:
- Ashley saw her own sisters pushed into uncomfortable courtship situations with older men ([08:41]).
3. Emerging Critical Thinking & External Influences
- Public School:
- Ashley attended public school, exposing her to different family dynamics and broadening her worldview ([15:06]).
- “My parents don’t even care where I am. This is kind of weird.” – Ashley ([18:05])
- Comparisons with Mainstream LDS/Mormon Church:
- Discussed history of polygamy and subsequent breakaway sects ([16:22]).
4. Motherhood as Catalyst for Change
- Breaking the Cycle:
- Giving birth made Ashley realize she didn’t want her daughter subjected to the same upbringing ([11:10]).
- “When I gave birth to my daughter, me and my husband were like, she can't live like that. That's not the life that we want for her.” – Ashley ([11:12])
5. Trauma, Loss, and Mental Health
- Brother’s Suicide:
- Ashley lost her 14-year-old brother to suicide at age 16; devastating impact and survivor’s guilt ([23:41]).
- “After he passed, I truly believed that it was my fault.” – Ashley ([31:27])
- Turning to siblings, TikTok, and community to process grief ([31:17]).
- Intergenerational Trauma:
- Difficult relationship with her mother, marked by emotional unavailability and learned helplessness.
6. Leaving the Religion
- Gradual Exit:
- Ashley and her husband did not have to dramatically flee, but gradually disengaged and told their families.
- Mental as well as physical "escape" proved challenging due to deep-seated fears (loss of salvation, shunning) ([26:45]).
- “It's the brainwashing and the toll that it takes on you to leave something like that, it messes with you.” – Ashley ([46:53])
7. Parenting with Intention
- Repair and Honesty:
- Ashley is committed to being emotionally available to her children: “I love being a mom. And that's probably the most… the thing that I'm most passionate about is motherhood and giving my kids the best life that they can ever have.” ([55:22])
- Honest communication with her children, age-appropriately discussing her past ([26:53]).
- Advocates normalizing apologies and emotional repair with kids ([55:44]).
8. Complex Family Ties and Forgiveness
- Relationship with Mother:
- Her mother recently left the religion and began therapy, but emotional distance remains ([19:48], [21:18]).
- “I just don't feel like that's… there's, like, some sort of, like, disconnect, I guess.” – Ashley ([41:25])
- Estrangement from Father:
- No ongoing contact; Ashley sees him as fundamentally abusive ([42:36]).
9. Breaking Stigmas and Sharing the Story
- Social Media as Support and Advocacy:
- Shares openly on TikTok and online to support others and break the taboo around polygamy and suicide ([22:14], [45:25]).
- Receives pushback and discomfort from the polygamist community.
- Empowering Others:
- Encourages authenticity and prioritizing mental health: “There is nothing more powerful than being authentic to who you are. Even if it makes other people uncomfortable…” ([48:25])
- Stresses the importance of children knowing they can talk about their struggles ([50:28]).
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Brainwashing and Escaping:
“It's the brainwashing and the toll that it takes on you to leave something like that, it messes with you. And it messed with me for a while, even after I left.”
– Ashley ([46:53]) -
On Motherhood as the Turning Point:
“When I gave birth to my daughter, me and my husband were like, she can't live like that. That's not the life that we want for her.”
– Ashley ([11:12]) -
On Guilt after Her Brother’s Suicide:
“After he passed, I truly believed that it was my fault. And that's something that can be super common when you lose someone to suicide, is believing that it's your fault. And that really messed with me for a while.”
– Ashley ([31:27]) -
On Authenticity and Mental Health:
“I truly believe that authenticity and mental health are so deeply connected. If you are not being authentic to who you are, you're not going to be happy.”
– Ashley ([48:45]) -
On Generational Healing:
“Even though I don't have a close relationship with my mom, at least I get to be the mom that I always wish that I had.”
– Ashley ([21:14]) -
On Breaking the Cycle:
“I don't want to live a bitter life. And bad things happen all the time. At the end of the day, we get to choose—is this going to destroy me or is this going to make me a better person?”
– Ashley ([57:01])
Important Segments & Timestamps
| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:22 | Ashley describes her father’s 46 children and the abuse she endured | | 02:50 | Recounts polygamist family structure, trauma, and living conditions | | 04:33 | Explains differences among breakaway Mormon sects | | 07:47 | Story of her mother's arranged, underage marriage | | 11:10 | Motherhood triggers Ashley’s decision to leave | | 15:06 | Public school, outside perspectives, bullying for being ‘polygamist’ | | 19:48 | Discussion of family divisions and mother’s recent exit | | 23:41 | Ashley shares about her brother's suicide | | 26:45 | Discussing honesty with children about her own upbringing | | 31:27 | Coping with survivor’s guilt; pathway to healing | | 42:36 | Explains estrangement from her father | | 46:53 | Describes impact of mental "escape" from religion | | 48:25 | Advice on authenticity and leaving toxic situations | | 55:22 | Emotional reflection on motherhood | | 57:01 | Choosing growth and forgiveness over bitterness |
Tone & Atmosphere
- Raw and Reflective: Both Ashley and Khloé speak candidly. Ashley is self-aware, humorous at times, and deeply compassionate.
- Supportive & Empathetic: Khloé brings grace and validation to Ashley’s vulnerability, often affirming and echoing her insights.
- Encouraging: The atmosphere is hopeful despite dark topics, with strong emphasis on breaking the cycle for future generations.
Closing Insights
- You are not alone: Ashley’s story will resonate with anyone navigating trauma, religious control, or fraught family relationships.
- Healing is nonlinear: Both therapy and parenting have been transformational, but the process is ongoing for Ashley and her family.
- The power of sharing stories: Ashley’s openness disrupts stigma, adds visibility for those suffering in silence, and emphasizes the healing in connection.
Final Words
“Your story matters. Your story is your life and it matters. And you get to choose to keep on going. You get to choose how to write your story.… You get to choose if you are going to grow from it or let it destroy you. And it's your story.”
– Ashley Sandmire ([57:52])