Summary of "Signals You’re Sending (Without Knowing It)" ft. Vanessa Van Edwards

Podcast Information:

• Title: Khloé in Wonder Land
• Host: Khloé Kardashian
• Guest: Vanessa Van Edwards, Behavioral Researcher & Bestselling Author
• Episode: Signals You’re Sending (Without Knowing It)
• Release Date: May 29, 2025

Introduction

In this engaging episode of "Khloé in Wonder Land," host Khloé Kardashian welcomes behavioral researcher and bestselling author Vanessa Van Edwards to explore the subtle and often unnoticed signals we send through our body language, facial expressions, voice tones, and gestures. The conversation delves into how these unconscious cues influence our interactions, relationships, and overall social dynamics.

Understanding Nonverbal Communication

Khloé Kardashian (00:18):
"I think your cues tell others how to treat you. We are sending hundreds, if not thousands of signals every day with our facial expressions, our voice tone, our gestures, our posture. But most people don't know what they're sending."

Vanessa emphasizes the pervasive nature of nonverbal communication, highlighting that individuals unconsciously emit numerous signals that significantly impact how they are perceived and treated by others.

The Impact of Negative Micro-Expressions

Vanessa Van Edwards (04:12):
"Contempt is the only micro expression or emotion that doesn't go away. Don't accidentally show contempt in your profile pictures because it's actually showing a little bit of scorn or disdain."

Khloé and Vanessa discuss the profound effect of the contempt micro-expression on relationships. Vanessa references Dr. John Gottman's research, revealing that contempt is a strong predictor of divorce, with a 93.6% accuracy in predicting the dissolution of a marriage when one partner exhibits contempt ([13:36]).

Self-Awareness Through Recording

Khloé introduces a practical exercise for listeners to gain self-awareness of their nonverbal cues:

1. Baseline Recording:
   Record yourself talking about a mundane topic, like your breakfast, to establish a baseline of truthful expressions.

2. Embarrassing Story:
   Share an embarrassing story to observe how your body and facial expressions change when recounting uncomfortable experiences.

3. Lie Detection:
   Invent an untrue embarrassing story to identify your lying tells and understand how deceit manifests in your nonverbal behavior ([04:12]).

Nonverbal Cues and Social Media

Khloé Kardashian (06:57):
"Sincerity is the word I would give. Because now all of a sudden, we are almost on our own TV shows... people have this feeling of loneliness or lack of depth with their friendships or their relationships."

The duo explores how social media has amplified the scrutiny of nonverbal signals, leading to curated personas that may lack authenticity. This often results in superficial connections and heightened feelings of isolation.

Key Nonverbal Cues Explored

1. Nodding ([26:33]):

   • Slow Triple Nod: Encourages the speaker to continue, signaling warmth and engagement.
   • Fast Nod: Conveys impatience, indicating that the listener wants to wrap up the conversation.

2. Contempt ([13:36], [14:04]):

   • A micro-expression that reveals underlying disdain or scorn, detrimental to personal relationships.

3. Lip Pursing ([22:58]):

   • Indicates withholding information or uncertainty, often signaling discomfort.

4. Toe Behavior ([24:22]):

   • Points towards the most important person in the room or signals a desire to exit the conversation when directed towards the door.

5. Lower Lid Flex ([55:45]):

   • Demonstrates deep listening and scrutiny, often associated with high competence and charisma.

Gender Differences in Nonverbal Communication

Vanessa Van Edwards (35:15):
"Women typically default to higher warmth... sacrificing their need to be respected."

• Women: Tend to display higher warmth, prioritizing likability over competence, which can lead to being perceived as less authoritative.
• Men: Often struggle to exhibit warmth and emotion, leading to perceptions of coldness or intimidation.

Enhancing Nonverbal Communication Skills

Practical Tips Shared:

1. Eye Contact:
   Encourage children to notice eye color to make eye contact more intentional and meaningful ([33:08]).

2. Visible Hands:
   Teach children to approach with hands visible to signal openness and control over greetings ([33:45]).

3. Power Poses:
   Adopt a "superhero" stance by rolling shoulders back and holding the chin high to project confidence and competence ([34:32]).

Overcoming Social Awkwardness

Khloé and Vanessa discuss strategies for individuals who perceive themselves as socially awkward:

1. Identify and Change Narratives:
   Move away from victim or overly aggressive narratives towards more balanced self-perceptions.

2. Engage in a 30-Day Social Cleanse:
   Focus on nurturing relationships with supportive individuals and purge ambivalent or toxic connections.

3. Set Micro Goals:
   Utilize to-do lists to create small victories that build confidence and motivation through dopamine release ([52:42]).

Analyzing Historical Art for Nonverbal Cues

Da Vinci’s "The Last Supper" ([58:32]):
Vanessa uses the painting to illustrate the balance of warmth and competence through body language:

• Christ's Posture:
  Balances openness (palm up) with authority (palm down), coupled with a head tilt to show empathy and active listening.

• Judas's Body Language:
  Smaller presence and negative facial expressions indicate withholding and lack of trust.

Conclusion and Takeaways

1. Balance Warmth and Competence:
   Strive to exhibit both warmth and competence to build trustworthy and reliable relationships.

2. Be Mindful of Nonverbal Signals:
   Regularly assess and adjust your body language to ensure it aligns with your intended message.

3. Foster Authentic Connections:
   Move beyond superficial interactions by asking meaningful questions that delve into personal values and goals.

4. Continuous Self-Improvement:
   Engage in practices that enhance your nonverbal communication skills to reduce awkwardness and build charisma.

Notable Quotes

• Khloé Kardashian ([02:48]):
  "We are sending hundreds, if not thousands of signals every day... but most people don't know what they're sending."

• Vanessa Van Edwards ([13:36]):
  "Contempt is the only micro expression or emotion that doesn't go away."

• Khloé Kardashian ([26:33]):
  "Slow triple nod is tell me more, tell me more. Fast nod is impatience."

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and actionable advice presented in the episode, providing listeners with valuable knowledge on understanding and improving their nonverbal communication.