#740 - FLUFFY + SAL VULCANO

Summary

Kill Tony #740: FLUFFY + SAL VULCANO

Date: October 21, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Special Guests: Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, Sal Vulcano

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Episode Overview

This raucous episode of Kill Tony features two of the biggest names in comedy: Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias and Sal Vulcano (from Impractical Jokers), joining the regular gang, Tony Hinchcliffe and Redban. Filmed at the legendary Comedy Mothership, a packed bucket brings an energetic parade of aspiring comedians, first-timers, and returning regulars—each given a minute to impress, followed by interviews, roasting, and unpredictable chaos.

The night spirals into hilarious, awkward, and heartfelt moments, including a show-stealing appearance by a newcomer named Julio and a surprise phone call to his mother on stage. Fluffy and Sal riff, roast, and offer genuine advice alongside the hosts, giving the show a unique and electric vibe.

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Main Segments & Notable Highlights

1. Setup and Introduction (00:00–04:00)

• Tony and Redban hype the crowd, introduce the guests, and run through the rules for Kill Tony: “one minute, then interview, all improv.”
• Quote: "This is gonna be like the fucking Super Bowl halftime show. Bunch of thick Mexicans in the floral shirts going ballistic over here." – Tony (03:21)

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2. Bucket Round: Comedians Step Up

Each comic gets a minute, then Q&A and riffing with the panel. Here are key sets and highlights:

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Drew Nickens – Bucket Opener (05:31–11:47)

Set: A sharp act touching on Love on the Spectrum comparisons, being misunderstood, and dark introspection on weed.

• “Dominos are just flat dice.”
• “If a trans man has a better beard than me, it's cheating—performance enhancing drugs.”
• Jokes about float tank mishap ("thinking about Gilmore Girls and wrestling...and then almost drowning in ten inches of water").

Discussion:

• Drew describes his grueling six months away from Kill Tony due to a competition penalty—90 minutes a week on stage, opening for Adam Ray, and grinding in casinos.
• Sal Vulcano: “It's crazy you found the only shirt louder than yourself.” (09:44)
• Fluffy on jokes: “That joke about the flat dice… I've never—yeah, I cannot unsee that.” (10:16)
• Float tank story: “How did you almost drown in a float tank?...Thinking about Gilmore Girls and wrestling.” (10:36)

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J.D. Madison – Relatably Honest Debut (12:10–17:30)

Set: Intrusive thoughts, annual “testing” of his sexuality (“jack off to gay porn every birthday”), parenting stories, and K-Pop Demon Hunters with a Halloween twist.

• Memorable: It's JD's first true stand-up set; he’s 42, started after his father’s passing to follow his dreams.

Panel:

• Fluffy ("Better than my first set!") notes JD’s confidence.
• Panel roasts his shirt size (“4X”), his job in IT, and his “testing” concept.
• “You got a job in the back if it [comedy] doesn’t work out.” – Fluffy

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Mike Holloway – Unintentional Overshares (18:20–27:00)

Set: Groin sweat, naming his balls Romulus & Remus—a Roman joke—and a quick turn to “cauliflower dick” (HPV), wild sexual history, and a now-incarcerated ex.

• “How do you get HPV from aggressively masturbating?” – Tony (23:00)
• “Last I heard, she was serving 12 years for kidnap—torture...Boiling water, dog cages...Wild.” (26:10)

Panel:

• Great riffing on his odd look (“the face of a sperm”), grilling about his single status, HPV, and his crazy ex.

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Ernest Evans Sr. – Polished, Veteran Voice (27:40–34:37)

Set: Life in a white suburb as a black parent, the perils of using the N-word around white kids, and a killer callback (white kid says “my daddy says it all the time”).

Panel:

• Explains his job as “process improvement specialist,” his Army vet status, and his three gym memberships.
• Stories about being a young grandfather, cheating high school sweetheart (white, “had hickeys and claimed the baby caused them”), and streamlining his life.

Sal Vulcano’s praise: “In a minute you had a beginning, a middle, and end. That doesn't happen a lot.” (30:34)

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Pamela Galvez – Wild Energy (35:15–41:05)

Set: Boyfriend still sees his pediatrician, seahorse sex-life analogy, eccentric and flirty stage presence, weight gain pride, and jokes about “nutting eggs into sacks.”

Panel:

• The chaos escalates: twerking, crowd exchanges, and panel roasts on her energy (“I feel like I’m inside a TikTok right now” – Unknown, 40:03).
• She's proud of weight gain (“celebrate weight gain!”) and enthusiasm for steak, potatoes, and dulce de leche.
• Fluffy: “We both made the same face when she twerked…”

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Ari Maddie – Regular, International Observations (41:51–54:53)

Set: Culture shock as an immigrant—American Advil comes sugar-coated (“the miracle is enough, but only in America do you sugarcoat painkillers”), Dunkin’ Donuts, and the nation’s obesity crisis.

• Quote: “No wonder you guys are fat!” (43:32)
• Donuts: “If you start your day with a donut, the last thing you need is another donut.”

Panel:

• Banters about the dearth of female fans (“I need more bitches in the Kill Tony fan group!”), stories about e-bikes, merch scams, and quirky interactions with Fluffy.

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Julio – The Overnight Star (62:11–79:57)

Set: Broken English, jokes about growing up with an autistic brother, gay conversion camps (turns out to be a gag), Johnny Walker drinking (“invisibility powers”), and sexuality twists.

• Banter: His ambiguous sexuality, flight simulator tech job, BMX/boogie boarding, and funny malapropisms throughout.
• Multitude of rapid-fire jokes delivered in broken syntax, including:
  • “If I sent a threat letter, people would believe it.” (74:58)
  • “My bike is my lover.”

Interview chaos:

• Hosts cannot figure out if he’s gay/straight/bi; Julio’s answers get more enigmatic (“I'm like, ambiguous now”), leading to:
• Longest Kill Tony interview ever (more than 17 minutes)
• Memorable Moment: Live phone call to Julio’s proud, supportive mom, Esperanza, who speaks better English (“He’s becoming a star from a long time ago.” – Esperanza, 88:48)
• Julio reveals he has three sons (ages 20, 14, 12), is nearly 49.
• Roasted for handwriting (“looks like a Zodiac killer code”) and is encouraged to return.
• Sal: “That wasn't so much a joke as a grievance followed by a threat.”
• Fluffy: “Still sounds gay.”

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Chris Miller – The Dad Joke Gone Awry (80:57–84:56)

Set: Discussion on generational name changes for “Ding Dong Ditch” prank (the original name being a neighborhood racial slur).

• Missed punchline; confusion among panel and crowd.

Memorable Roast:

• Sal: “I understood Julio more!” (82:28)
• Julio is summoned back to "translate" Chris’s joke to the crowd’s delight, but fails, admitting, “I was talking on the phone—to my mom.” (86:18)

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Jordan Yates – Full-Time Comic Cowboy (96:53–104:40)

Set: Shaving stubble, “eating a peach through a cheese grater,” and “delicious fruit/Olive Garden” analogies.

Panel:

• Has been doing stand-up 7 years, recently full-time; smooth, likable, and adept at “code switching” (cowboy-comic/pastor/office lease salesman).
• Performs on-demand a sales pitch and a youth pastor sermon.
• Fluffy: “You code switch like that…I’m ready to sign a lease.”

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David Lucas – Roasting Master (105:24–113:44)

Set:

• "Falling asleep to black noise—videos of cops cuffing people. Fantasy football is virtual slavery for white guys."
• Roasts Fluffy (“like a character from Guess Who”), Tony (“baby deer face,” “booty cheekbones”), Redban (“baggy G-string,” “purple drank mattress”).
• Jokes about AI deepfakes with Martin Luther King.
• Car collection banter with Fluffy.

Notable line:

• “If you ask your kids what their friend looks like, they draw this nigga.” (111:43)

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Dom LaMarca – Stoner Energy (114:34–122:59)

Set:

• “I’ve been three months clean…showering, but still on tons of drugs.”
• Punctuality jokes, being fired, rolling burritos by licking them, Doordash tales (‘delivering Plan B’).

Panel:

• Into board games (“Exploding Kittens”), makes/edits hip-hop videos.
• “Most feminine apartment bathroom,” predominantly dates “crazy girls.”
• Atmosphere: Very authentic, not “put on.” – Sal: “It’s very endearing.”

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William Montgomery – The Reluctant Closer (123:53–132:38)

Set:

• Amy Schumer/Ozempic, Four Loko suppositories, Epstein Island, interventions (“he gets a sponsor—I want to be intervened”), classic absurdist William style.

Panel:

• Talks new haircut (“puppy cut from Petco PetSmart”), draining a year-old facial cyst, family wedding in Memphis (“Saw where Young Dolph got assassinated”).
• Florida Gators fandom.
• Name confusion (panel tries to get him to list football players and then candy).

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Panel Highlights & Running Jokes

• Sexual ambiguity and identity: Many sets (JD Madison, Julio) play with testing/defining sexuality; leads to extended riffs and playful confusion.
• Ding Dong Ditch: The joke and cultural difference discussion becomes a running thread, with crowdsourcing of regional names (“ring and run”), and historical cringing at the original racial slur term.
• Weight and Food: Frequent riffing on fatness, “wet balls,” Advil with sugar, America’s obesity, and steak (“not what’s making you gain 35 lbs”).
• Language and Clarity: Panel struggles to understand Julio and Pamela—leading to crowd and host frustration/hilarity.
• Roasts: David Lucas, Tony, and Fluffy relentlessly roast panel and comics (appearance, shirts, sexual history, etc.) with crowd-pleasing brutality.

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Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• "If a trans man has a better beard than me, it’s cheating—they’re using performance enhancing drugs.”
  — Drew Nickens (06:40)

• "If you ask your kids what their friend looked like, they draw this nigga."
  — David Lucas (111:43)

• “You code switch like that… I’m ready to sign a lease.”
  — Fluffy, on Jordan Yates' improv skills (101:45)

• "No wonder you guys are fat."
  — Ari Maddie, discovering American sugar-coated Advil (43:32)

• "I think I might be pregnant. She got me a couple times."
  — Fluffy, after Pamela’s high-energy set (41:25)

• “Big noise for the best damn band in the land… We have a real fly here again. Fuck yeah.”
  — Redban (00:49, 01:36)

• "I’m just chilling like a villain, baby.”
  — Pamela, on her love life (39:58)

• "That wasn't so much a joke as a grievance followed by a threat."
  — Sal, on Julio's joke (75:38)

• “Starburst, right now probably. …No, not all M&Ms are chocolate. Peanut butter M&Ms."
  — William Montgomery, stalling on candy names (132:18)

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Memorable Moments (Timestamps)

• Julio’s mom on the phone: 88:21–92:46 (‘Esperanza, your son is becoming a star…’)
• Ernest Evans Sr. on hickeys: 33:13–33:51 (white girlfriend blames baby for hickey)
• Mike Holloway’s prison ex: 25:56–26:37
• Pamela twerking/flustered panel: 37:10–40:41
• David Lucas destroys the room with roasts: 105:24–113:44
• Chris Miller’s story utterly lost on panel; Julio summoned as “translator": 85:33–86:32
• Longest single comedian interview ever (Julio): 62:11–79:57

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Themes and Episode Mood

• Tone: Unfiltered, raucous, bawdy, sometimes empathetic; relentless roasting, wild energy.
• Recurring themes: Pushing boundaries, exploring identity, breaking language/cultural barriers, unpredictability and chaos.
• Host and guest chemistry: High energy, sharp wit, warmth toward comics, interspersed with classic Kill Tony savagery.

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Conclusion

A classic, uproarious Kill Tony where chaos reigns, boundaries are pushed, and the episode is stolen by a broken-English comic with inscrutable jokes and an even more inscrutable sexual orientation. Fluffy and Sal prove deft guests—encouraging, funny, and quick—matching the unpredictable energy of the audience and fellow panelists. Multiple memorable sets, iconic roasts, and the magic of live comedy are on full display.

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For full context, especially to appreciate the wildest moments, check out the full stream or highlight clips on YouTube.

Transcript

[Redband]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening

[Sal Volcano]

to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Sal Volcano]

You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shop Squad tv.

[Sal Volcano]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Redband]

Hey, this is Red Bay coming to you live from the comedy mothership here

[Drew Nickens]

in Austin, Texas, for a brand new

[Redband]

episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony. Let's go. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Big noise for Brian Ray Band, ladies and gentlemen, Live in the flesh. And oh my God, how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez on the drums. We have a real fly here again. Fuck yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Back door must be open. I love it. We need the zapper. We need our tennis racket zapper. We got the great Matt Muhling on

[Redband]

the electric guitar, John Dee's on the keys, and this is D Madness on the bass guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, this episode is brought to you by Nicked Talk Space and Quo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's show, huh?

[Redband]

Every single week, I have two of the funniest human beings on. This week is no different, Ladies and gentlemen, two of the best guests in the show's history. Two of the best comedians on all of planet Earth. Make some noise for Fluffy and Sal Volcano, everybody. Oh, yeah. They are on their feet. Sal Volcano, the great Buffy, ladies and gentlemen, Bummy and Sal. Oh, my God. The place is in a rocket. Hell, yeah. Yes. The crowd is electric. Surprise.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I don't know if you guys are excited that it's us or that you didn't pay for us.

[Redband]

Yeah, it's always a big surprise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, table of very happy thick

[Redband]

Latino men over there that are just out of control right now. Relax, gentlemen. Relax over there. This is gonna be like the fucking super bowl halftime show. Bunch of thick Mexicans in the fucking floral shirts going ballistic over here. Fluffy is back, ladies and gentlemen. He's on tour. Fluffyguy.com and the Long awaited return of the great Sal Volcano. He's on tour Chicago, New York, Nashville. The Chicago Theater, Beacon Theater, ryman theater, sawvolcanocomedy.com youm guys have been on this show before. You know how it works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But look at how stacked this bucket is. I mean, hundreds and hundreds of names literally overflowing to the top. You guys know how it works. I pick a name, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview. They get feedback from my esteemed panel. We're going to have a lot of fun. The entire thing's improvised. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

[Redband]

I'm gonna let this guy that looks like every murder documentary that kills his wife pick the first name. Wow. Right off the middle top, a real simple fuck you are, huh? Didn't even dig in there at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. You suspicious motherfucker.

[Redband]

I feel like I caught you off

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

guard, predicting that you're gonna eventually kill your wife here and you're just like, okay, let's just keep this moving while we go wrangle that comedian, that first very lucky bucket poll. I have one of the most interesting golden ticket winners in the show's history here to start tonight. We have not had him on this show for six months straight because there was a big competition in Nashville, Tennessee, and the person who had the least response had to take six months away from the show. He has been working so hard at so many open mics continuously for this

[Redband]

moment right now that will start tonight's episode. This is the long awaited return, a brand new minute from Drew Nickens.

[William Montgomery]

Hi.

[Drew Nickens]

I love that Kill Tony's on Netflix. But if one more person asks me if I'm gonna be on Love on the Spectrum next year, I'm gonna have a fucking meltdown. Cause I know I have my issues. I'm not the first black comic you can't understand on stage. And I have trouble regulating my emotions. Y' all saw Nashville. But I'm not trying to go on a date that consists of figuring out every number in pie and a dinner of Dino Nuggies and conquestables at the train museum would be fucking sick. Am I right? I can't smoke weed because I don't want to kill people. But if I did smoke weed, my thoughts would make a lot more sense. Like, I think dominoes are just flat dice. I think of a Troy. I think if a trans man has a better beard than me, it's cheating because they're using performance enhancing drugs. I think Shaggy rescued Scooby Doo from an Asian household. Cause how else would Scooby Doo say Lululemon? Ruh Roh. And I think lesbians can't wear braces because if they did, they'd be called box cutters. Really tack that pussy up. Thank y'.

[William Montgomery]

All.

[Redband]

That's my time. Look at that. Drew Nickens squeezing in a full minute 30. We're let. Let him go. Great stuff, Drew.

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you for having me. Tony. I'm glad to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Heck, yeah. You look fantastic, dude.

[Drew Nickens]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I mean, wow. Sometimes I forget you are black.

[Drew Nickens]

Hell, yeah, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, look out.

[Drew Nickens]

I wasn't gonna say that word, John. Don't worry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I forget you're black, and then you come with a shirt from the Steve Harvey Collection over here. I mean, look at that fucking thing. That is incredible. Where do you get a shirt like that, Drew?

[Drew Nickens]

The Polo Ralph Lauren Polo Outlet.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Wow.

[Redband]

The outlet?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah. $75?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. And you get your hair cut from the electrical outlet?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Redband]

True.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us about these six months off. What's it been like for you? You've been working hard.

[Drew Nickens]

So the first month was a little. Little crazy, little tough. But I was like, you know what? I. I'm never going to give up on my dream. And so I went and I did 90 minutes a week of standup. No matter where it was three people, 300 people. Whatever I could do, I was there to do it. And I opened for Adam Ray in July. And I did really well in front of a thousand people in my old casino.

[Redband]

Your old casino? Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

He owned a casino?

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had your own casino, bro.

[Redband]

You're.

[Drew Nickens]

No, no, no. I used to. I used to lose a lot of money at this casino. A shit ton.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Me, too, bro.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Redband]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, Drew. Well, fantastic stuff. You don't. You've never smoked weed before?

[Drew Nickens]

I don't smoke weed. I haven't smoked weed in three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What was it like when you were smoking weed?

[Drew Nickens]

I was very paranoid and very sad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Drew Nickens]

It didn't work that way. And I was like, you know what, Junior? Say I'll smoke weed. And you know what? He did. So let's not do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That's an interesting way of looking at it.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

A hell of a segue.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Just say you don't like the Chargers, bro.

[Drew Nickens]

I am a commander's fan, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Well, Drew. Amazing stuff. What'd you think about Drew? Sal, I.

[Sal Volcano]

It was good to see you. Again, last time I was here, you were here, so it's nice to see you again. It's crazy you found the only shirt louder than yourself. But, yeah, you look surprised to be here, even though you know damn well that you're here, Which I like.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

That's what I like about you.

[Sal Volcano]

There's always a very surprise. You look surprised.

[David Lucas]

Right.

[Sal Volcano]

Now that I'm speaking.

[Redband]

You did it, Drew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You came back.

[Redband]

Very funny set. Great stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Way to get the show started.

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you so much.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Can I just say that. That joke about the flat dice, I'm like, how many people were like, oh, my God, I've never. Yeah, I cannot unsee that. I was like, yeah.

[Chris Miller]

Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Okay.

[Redband]

It's amazing.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Very great personality.

[Drew Nickens]

And I'm the guy that drowned in a float. Almost drowned in a float. Take like, two weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, how did you almost drown in a float tank?

[Drew Nickens]

Okay, so I was. I was thinking about.

[Sal Volcano]

How do you not look surprised at that?

[Drew Nickens]

So. So I was thinking about Gilmore Girls and wrestling while I was in the float tank.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we're thinking about what?

[Drew Nickens]

Gilmore Girls, the TV show and wrestling Gilmore Girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And it's an interesting combination.

[Drew Nickens]

I know, right? Rory, she's a piece of. Anyways, but. But I was relaxing and then I fell asleep, and then I just kind of went all the way down and I was just like, oh. And it's 10 inches of water. 10 inches is a lot. Ayo. And, yeah, I woke up and I was like, oh, shit. I don't want to get out of this giant airpod, because if I do, they're going to know something's wrong. So I sat cross legged for 15 minutes. Yeah, it was embarrassing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Drew Nickens]

And then someone recognized me and, like, I was, like, really quiet. It was awkward, but it's pretty cool.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Glad you made it, bro.

[Sal Volcano]

So then it's true what they say about black people in swimming. Yeah.

[Redband]

10 inches of water. Drew Nickens, you did it, buddy. Congratulations. He's back. The return of Drew Nickens, the record holder for most appearances ever on one episode of the show. His first night on the show, he came out, like 11 times. Anything can happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is our first bucket pool of the night, everybody. We're going to meet these people all together.

[Redband]

Make some noise for this person is A minute from J.D. madison, everybody. Here we go.

[J.D. Madison]

What's up, y'?

[Redband]

All?

[J.D. Madison]

I'm gonna stage dive after, so you two get ready to catch. All right, now, the headline tomorrow would be, three dead, seven injured, 16 missing.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

But.

[J.D. Madison]

So, yeah, I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. One of which is like, I don't think you can really call yourself straight until you jack off to gay porn for the first time. So think about it like if you're over 30. We grew up with the AIDS kids crisis and our parents telling us gay people are bad. So you got to test that shit out, man. I like to do it once a year, just on my birthday, make sure I'm still good.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Little.

[J.D. Madison]

Little gift to myself. Comfort my own sexuality. I am straight though, so far, but got two kids. My five year old's a little bit of a maniac. She's obsessed with K Pop Demon hunters, if you guys know that one. It's really great. But like, she wants to be one for Halloween. And I'm trying to figure out how much yellow face is appropriate for year old. I don't need a repeat of the Little Mermaid incident. So that's my time. I'm JD Madison.

[Redband]

Thank you, JD Madison. Welcome, jd. This is your first time on, right? Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. And how long you been doing standup?

[J.D. Madison]

This was my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Redband]

First time ever? Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

First time ever being on stage?

[J.D. Madison]

Not on stage, but first time doing stand up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's on stage. He's your stand in for.

[J.D. Madison]

I'm your stunt double.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

4X, right?

[J.D. Madison]

4. Yeah, yeah.

[Redband]

Wow, look at this.

[Drew Nickens]

It's my guy.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It's like this don't work out. You got a job in the back, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Redband]

That's an amazing talent, being able to guess how many X's on that guy's shirt.

[J.D. Madison]

I'm fucking impressed.

[Redband]

You're like Fat Guy, Rain man, or something like that. That is incredible. I never would have known that. That's a 4X. Yeah, incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work, J.D. madison?

[J.D. Madison]

I'm a IT consultant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[J.D. Madison]

Fun stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And you've been doing that your whole life?

[J.D. Madison]

Consulting? For a few years, but I've been in it for like 20 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Chris Miller]

42.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

42. What made you want to start stand up now?

[J.D. Madison]

So, like, I lost my dad during COVID and you know, the older I get, the more I'm like, man, you're running out of time, dude. Like, do what makes you happy. I love making people laugh.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That's why I'm here.

[Redband]

I love that. Was your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was your dad a big guy too?

[J.D. Madison]

No, he was tall, but he wasn't. You know this, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You mean amazing.

[J.D. Madison]

It's the greatest thing anyone's ever said to me in my life.

[Redband]

Fluffy, tell us more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jd. What do you do for fun. You have any special skills or talents?

[J.D. Madison]

Well, obviously I like to cook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[J.D. Madison]

A big Texas barbecue guy. Smoke, you know, all that good stuff. Love basketball. I have Spur season tickets. I'm from San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[J.D. Madison]

All that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Absolutely amazing. Do you ever play basketball or you're just shaped like one?

[J.D. Madison]

No, I mean, when I was a teenager and I. I used to wrestle, like, with my sexuality.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Hell, yeah. All right. What's your love life like now?

[J.D. Madison]

I'm married, two kids, so, you know, it's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

But every year on your birthday, marry, even though you're married with two kids,

[David Lucas]

you're still testing out to see if

[Sal Volcano]

you're gay every year.

[J.D. Madison]

I mean, how do you know if you don't?

[Julio]

Right?

[Sal Volcano]

Like, could you call that an intrusive thought?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

How intrusive is it?

[David Lucas]

I mean,

[J.D. Madison]

at least yearly, so I

[Sal Volcano]

don't know if that's that intrusive yet. It's still intrusive yearly.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does the wife do for a living?

[J.D. Madison]

She. She actually went to school to be a pediatric psych nurse, but she's married to me now, so she doesn't do that anymore. She. She's a school nurse, actually, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, cool. You ever worry about her banging any of the students? That's a thing that's happening nowadays.

[J.D. Madison]

I mean, they're middle schoolers, so they probably have tiny dicks. So far. Like, I'm not worried about it.

[Sal Volcano]

She probably does it once a year

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just to see if she. JD Madison. So interesting. 42. How did it feel up there? Is there anything surprisingly different that shocked you about your first time?

[J.D. Madison]

No. I mean, stage was small. I didn't expect this many laughs, that's for sure. So I'm really happy about that. But it's great, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow.

[Redband]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, jd. Well, you have a whole thing ahead of you. Even though it was. It was. It was just okay. It was great for a first time set.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Better than my first set. Yeah, better than my first set. So way to go.

[J.D. Madison]

Thank you, man.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Great confidence, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're leaving here with a big joke book. There you go.

[Redband]

Right into that. Right into the tent. Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Catch the old titty.

[Sal Volcano]

Catch your dad. Your dad's looking down on you right now, man.

[Redband]

No problem.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm just wondering if you're gay or not. But yeah.

[Redband]

There he goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

J.D.

[Redband]

madison, everybody. All right, so you get it. The show has begun. And straight into our. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever seen anything more pretty

[Redband]

than the Great Heidi, everybody? Heidy, Regina, Dot Com. She's got a new podcast with the great Valerie Vaughn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable.

[Redband]

Make some noise for your next bucket pool. Everybody goes by the name of Mike Holloway. Everyone.

[William Montgomery]

Here we go.

[Redband]

Here comes a Mike Holloway.

[Mike Holloway]

Every time I shower, I dry off. And then over the next few minutes, every bit of moisture that I missed from my entire body travels to my balls and stays there. Somehow, even the water I missed from my legs defies gravity and ends up there. And I have to dry my balls twice. So since all roads lead to Rome, I decided to call my balls Romulus and Remus. It's an ancient Roman history joke. It's also a joke about my balls, Twofer. That one hits the highbrow and the low brow. Moving on to my dick. My dick likes to hang to the right, but I like it on the left. We're always going back and forth about it.

[Redband]

All right, Mike Holloway. Old Wet Balls Holloway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back to the show. Mike, I remember you being here because your face is absolutely unforgettable. It is an incredible thing. Remind us, Mike, how long you been on stand up?

[Mike Holloway]

About six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years? Where at?

[Mike Holloway]

Mostly in Kansas City.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Mike Holloway]

I'm a cook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a cook?

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Pizza Planet, right?

[Mike Holloway]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you a cook at?

[Mike Holloway]

Tapville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you mostly make? What's your specialty? Salisbury steak?

[Mike Holloway]

No, we do steak, we do pastas, we do burgers. Awesome.

[Redband]

What do you do for fun when

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you're not working, Mike, and you're not doing stand up? You look like you have some real creepy fucking hobbies. Pick up chicks outside of a Hot Topic or something like that. You look like you sometimes work part time letting people onto festival rides or something.

[Mike Holloway]

No, I don't really do a whole lot besides work in comedy right now, but I like to play beach volleyball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Mike Holloway]

Went in Kansas City, I was on a beach volleyball team.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I never would have guessed. Beach volleyball. That's incredible.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

There's a ball involved.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. Sometimes it rolls into the water, gets wet. You're playing with wet balls all over

[Redband]

again,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mike, anything crazy about your family, your history, your childhood, anything that you think makes you different than everybody else in the world?

[Mike Holloway]

I was an oldest child, a middle child, and an only child.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you were an only child, and then there was a kid, my doctor mother.

[Mike Holloway]

Between my mom and my dad, I was the only child. My dad had two older kids before me and then two younger. So I'm a middle child there. And then I was the oldest of my mom's kids, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Mike Holloway]

Yeah, they were divorced, like, when I. When I was, like, a year old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

Fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing to really go on. Not much to work with there. Let's check in with Romulus and Remus down there.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Do you have any kids?

[Mike Holloway]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Okay.

[Redband]

That I know of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's crazy that you don't have any kids because you have the face of an actual sperm. That's an amazing face. What's your love life like? You got a girlfriend chained up to a radiator right now somewhere. What's the last date you went on? What was that like?

[Mike Holloway]

I haven't dated anybody in about seven or eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you think that is, exactly?

[Mike Holloway]

Because I have hpv.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, wow. How do you get HPV from aggressively masturbating?

[Mike Holloway]

That's what I do now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's talk about the hpv. How did you get it? Tell us about this magical night.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

This took a turn quickly.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I just keep digging until I find something extremely interesting, like an HPV breakout. You are the breakout star of the night so far. You have an HPV special coming out on hpv. All right.

[Redband]

Yes. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you remember the night that you got it? No.

[Mike Holloway]

No, I don't. I don't know when I got it. I. There was a period where it could have been a number of dirty slots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So it's amazing, dude. Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

I was just having empathy for you.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah, Right. You thought something happened to him, and

[Sal Volcano]

then you realized, sweet guy. You were honest.

[Dom LaMarca]

You don't have to share that.

[Sal Volcano]

Then you went, you sucking, dirty slut.

[Chado]

Did it to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. You haven't been on a date 6, 7, 8 years or whatever you said. And meanwhile, you were such a dirty dirt ball back in the day that you don't even know how you got it. Yep.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Mike Holloway]

I grew up fat like, I was.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Me, too.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Mike Holloway]

I was almost £400.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Whoa.

[Redband]

That's like a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's like a 4X. Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It's actually a 5.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's it like? How often do you see, like, a breakout or something like that? What's it like? Is it on your balls? Your penis?

[Mike Holloway]

Total cauliflower dick.

[Redband]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. What's it smell like?

[Redband]

Red band. Why would you say something like that? There's children watching around the world right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a disgusting thing. What does it smell like?

[Redband]

Have you ever smelled it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever, like, touched it?

[Mike Holloway]

I really smell it.

[Redband]

But red band.

[Mike Holloway]

If you really want to smell it, I might let you smell it.

[Redband]

Wow. Red bands never Been near any kind of cauliflower before, so this is very exciting. He avoids vegetables at all costs.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Are you saying it's.

[David Lucas]

You're.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

You're broken out right now? You got it. You got it.

[Mike Holloway]

It's not a breakout thing. It's just like always, always have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Mike Holloway]

Gave it off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. It just looks like the joker's face paint down there. Do you know how I got this?

[Redband]

Do you know how I got. Because I don't know how I got this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. So have you ever like. Have you ever like, told a girl and she's like, I'm down. I don't care.

[Mike Holloway]

Yeah, my last girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Tell us about her.

[Mike Holloway]

She was crazy though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mike Holloway]

Last I heard, she was serving a 12 year service prison sentence for kidnap, rape or not rape. Kidnap. Torture. They like.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, torture.

[Drew Nickens]

Oh, good.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Ari Maddie]

Thank God.

[Redband]

Thank God.

[Sal Volcano]

This almost got weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know what she did? How did she kidnap and torture somebody? You must have got.

[Mike Holloway]

I don't know all the details, but what I heard was that they had somebody in like a dog kennel cage and they were like beating him and throwing hot like boiling water on them and cutting them and stuff like that.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, we do that to Drew Nickens like once a month. But that's crazy that this was.

[Mike Holloway]

Well, after we. She broke up with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What a.

[Redband]

What the. Does that do to your self esteem?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. You got a little joke book last time you were on.

[Julio]

I got a big one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, there you go. There he goes. He's did it again. Mike Holloway, everybody.

[Redband]

We're gonna keep it moving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That woman's in prison with an HPV cauliflower right now. Amazing.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Imagine the lips on her.

[Chado]

Wow.

[Redband]

Red band. This episode is brought to you by Nicked Talk Space and Quo. Make some noise for your third bucket poll of the night. It's Ernest Evans Sr. Everybody. Hell yeah,

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Man. I just moved into a safe white neighborhood. I know Lofty goes, white people.

[Sal Volcano]

Thank you.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

But now my kids got white friends. And I can't say the shit that I normally say around my kids. Cause they got white friends. I mean, I don't say the N word a lot, but my friends, they use the N word like Frank's red hot. They put that nigga on everything. So I'm taking my daughter and her little white friend to get some ice cream, you know what I'm saying? Bumping some two chains. And my phone rings on Bluetooth. It's one of my army buddies. The first thing out of his Mouth is, nigga, nigga. I'm like, hey, hold on, bro. Chill out. Chill out. I got a little white girl in the car. He like, oh, nigga, you kidnapping now. I'm like, no, bro, no shit. We just going to get some ice cream.

[Dom LaMarca]

Shit.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Chill out. So meanwhile, I'm looking back in the rearview mirror. She looking at me smiling and shit, like she ain't on the joke. I say, don't worry. She says, don't worry. My daddy says it all the time. I'm like, oh, shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I murdered.

[Redband]

Fantastic. Ernest Evans Sr. Making his Kill Tony debut. Welcome Ernest Evans, Sr. Tlc, baby.

[Sal Volcano]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up? Have you been on this show before?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yeah, about a year. Year to this date, Matt Rife was the okay. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, welcome back. I remember you now.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yeah. I appreciate you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They say, forget it. How's life been since your last time on?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Good, man. Producing shows around here, being funny, trying to get in, man. Hbo help a brother out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. From HPV to hbo.

[Redband]

Incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Ernest, remind us, what do you do for work, man?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I'm a veteran, 22 years in the army, but now I work for the state.

[Julio]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yes, sir.

[Redband]

You work for the state?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for the state?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I'm a management analyst.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A what?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Process improvement specialist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Process improvement specialist.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Oh, now you. Now you know. Yeah, I know. You got it. Wu Tang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is a process?

[Sal Volcano]

Can you give us a third explanation?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is a process improvement specialist?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

So I just take all the processes that we do in the state and try to streamline them, make them efficient, make them better.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You couldn't lead with that.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Well, should I? I knew you knew.

[Drew Nickens]

I didn't know.

[Julio]

I was like, Sal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I don't know why he's working, though. He's funny.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I appreciate that, sir.

[Redband]

You're funny.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Thank you, sir.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah.

[Julio]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You are very funny.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Thank you.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

The confidence is next level, too. I love this.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

People say I look like Jamie Foxx, so I'm gonna make it do what it do, baby.

[Sal Volcano]

It was pretty cool. In a minute, you had, like. It was a.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

A full.

[Sal Volcano]

It felt like a set. In a minute, you had a beginning, a middle, and end. That's like. That doesn't happen a lot. So it was nice to see, like, something that well rounded in a minute.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Well, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is amazing. Ernest, what do you do for. What do you do for fun when you're not performing or what?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Fish, I'm trying to do this full time. I'm trying to quit my job, man. I'm trying to. All that. Okay, yeah, so jokes. Fish, chill with the kids. Kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What? What?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Your grandfather.

[Chris Miller]

I am.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I got two grandkids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Done a lot of shit.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You look very young. The only reason I think you're older is because of the gray. But otherwise, you know, I guess that's it. Yeah. Black don't crack, right?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

It don't.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It don't.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Well, I got three gym memberships, so that shit better pan out.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Well, you took mine, you can keep it.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

All right. You probably don't want this. Planet Fitness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you have three gym memberships?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Well, CrossFit got down the YMCA because I'm 45, got kids and. You know what I'm saying? And then LA Fitness, okay, you already know. He Mexican. They be all la fitness.

[Julio]

Live fitness.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Live fitness, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing stuff. Ernest, What. What exactly do you do at the ymca? What's different at the Y that you don't have at LA Fitness?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Free child care.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Free child care.

[Redband]

Hell yeah. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't understand. Explain that. I don't know. I don't know.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Show up to that, you'd be like, hey, take these kids. Hey, take them and you go work out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, I didn't know.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't know they had that for real.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

But I don't be at the gym, though. I go to the club and come back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Go up and back.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Hey, I'm streamlining processes.

[Redband]

Hell yeah. Amazing. Hell yeah. Yeah, man. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's it like being a grandfather? Tell us about that, man.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

That's lovely, bro. Like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cause you're young for a grandfather. Father.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yeah. I'm 45. I had kid when I was young, so got my high school Sweetheart pregnant at 18.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Thought we was going to be together. Went to ait. She was cheating on me and so came back and I was like, damn, now I gotta join the army, man. So that's how it happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a black woman.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Nah, she white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a white woman. And she was cheating on you like a motherfucker. How did you find out that she was cheating on you? How did you find out this white devil was cheating on you?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Man, I came back home and said he got. And on her neck, I was like, oh, hell no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell no.

[Redband]

It's right.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Hey, H, who is somebody out here with they side chick right now?

[Redband]

Yep, yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy's gonna murder her eventually. So she had hickeys on her neck and you asked about it. Did she try to make up an excuse or anything?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

You know, she did talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What? What did she say? What did this white bitch say?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

She said the baby was grabbing my neck. I tell you a goddamn lie. The baby, two days old, ain't even that strong.

[David Lucas]

What's that?

[Sal Volcano]

Is that in your set? You ever talk about that on stage? Yo, do that.

[William Montgomery]

That's right there.

[Sal Volcano]

You should do that.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I got it right now. Yeah, I should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

I love AF the drummer.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hold on.

[Sal Volcano]

Let me ask the drummer if I

[Julio]

should put it in my set.

[Sal Volcano]

No offense. I love you, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

my goodness. And did she end up admitting it? Did she end up coming clean that she was cheating on you? Or did she lie down to the very end?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Man, cheaters don't admit, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, still it.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Admit it to this day. But we cool now, so.

[Redband]

Right?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yeah. Until she see this, right?

[Redband]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Until she see this. Ernest Evans, you got a big joke book last time you were on?

[Julio]

I did.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you already fill it up?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, here's another one, my friend.

[Redband]

Boom. And, Ernest, I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. The Secret Show. This Thursday, Ernest Evans Sr. Being booked on our real comedy gig here in Austin, Texas. How fun. We're just gonna keep flying right through it. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Pamela Galvez. Everyone, Pamela Galvez.

[Pamela Galvez]

Hi, everybody. So my boyfriend, he still goes to the pediatrician. This is a true story. I've been with him to the pediatrician twice, and his pediatrician used to see his little baby balls, and now he gets to see where he empties his balls. Oh, I know I'm fresh. I usually like to ask people, hola, if you could be an animal, which animal would you want to be? If I could be an animal, ladies, I want to be a female seahorse. Because the female seahorse, the guys, they fight over her, and then whoever wins takes her out on dates. And then she nuts her eggs into his sack, and she leaves him pregnant with 500 babies. And she's out. So, like, the female seahorse, I'm out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Pamela Galvez. I guess that was a comedy set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something like that. Pamela. Okay, let's talk about it.

[Julio]

Hola.

[Redband]

Hola.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

We both made the same face when she twerked, right? Yeah, like. Oh, different.

[Redband]

Yeah. One way to get them laughing. Okay, all right, all right, all right. It does smell like a seahorse up here all of a sudden. My goodness. Deep madness is sensitive to smells. Pamela. Pamela.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Pamela Galvez]

Four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at? All of it in Austin?

[Pamela Galvez]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All of it in Austin, Texas.

[Pamela Galvez]

Austin, Miami, New York, L.A.

[Redband]

all.

[Pamela Galvez]

Everywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Pamela Galvez]

Bahamas. I even did a show in the Bahamas.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hope you got that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hope you got that.

[Sal Volcano]

Do you do it in so many places? Because the place you do it in

[Ari Maddie]

won't have you back.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a fan.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

You're a firecracker.

[Drew Nickens]

It's just. I. I'm.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm intimidated.

[Dom LaMarca]

I am.

[Pamela Galvez]

Listen, every. So I just wanted to say, you know, usually everybody's day.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Oh.

[Pamela Galvez]

Oh, my God. I just lost 25 pounds. Well, I just want to say I've gained 35 pounds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

There's some fat people cheering for you out there.

[Pamela Galvez]

Let's celebrate weight gain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. I don't know what RFK Jr would say about that, but how do you do it? What? You're so proud of your weight gain. Tell us, what's your process? How exactly are you packing on the pounds?

[Pamela Galvez]

Eating. Eating, eating.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Julio]

I love that.

[Redband]

She looked right at me. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know how it works.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I know how it works.

[Pamela Galvez]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how you know. What exactly is. Are you eating, though? I know you're eating, but tell us, what are some of your favorite.

[William Montgomery]

Hello.

[Pamela Galvez]

This is Texas.

[Julio]

I've been eating a lot of stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Steak.

[Pamela Galvez]

The steak is so good here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not the steak. That's.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stick in there.

[Redband]

That's just straight protein.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What type of carbs are you?

[Pamela Galvez]

Steak. Oh, God. Potatoes and steak, baby. Potatoes and steak. Lots of steak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Pamela Galvez]

Steak.

[Chado]

Steak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't believe you. I think there's a lot of sweets in there and. And late night carbohydrates. That's my guess.

[Pamela Galvez]

A lot of dulce de leche.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, again, Bad Bunny performing the super bowl halftime show.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yes, that's right. Because Cam was there, you know?

[Julio]

Yeah, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie. Okay. What's your love life like, Pamela? It seems like you would annoy the absolute dickens out of a human being.

[Redband]

They would just. They would lie about having cauliflower dick just to get away from you.

[Sal Volcano]

Something tells me she's eating that cauliflower

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

only.

[Redband]

Steak, steak, steak, steak, steak.

[Pamela Galvez]

Cauliflower has no carbs. Got some carbs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Pamela Galvez]

It's got some. Some fatness to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Right?

[Pamela Galvez]

Has some fatness to it.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah.

[Chado]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pamela, what's your love life like? You got a boyfriend?

[Julio]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You date a lot? You on the apps?

[Pamela Galvez]

I'm just chilling like a Villain, baby. Okay, like a villain.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

I feel like I'm inside a TikTok right now.

[Redband]

Oh my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you a little drunk, Pamela?

[Pamela Galvez]

No, I'm just excited and nervous to be here.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay, I was gonna ask the same. Are you genuinely just stone sober right now?

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah, I mean, I like some tequila, of course, but that's it.

[Redband]

Oh, that's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That doesn't even have alcohol.

[Pamela Galvez]

Tequila. Just a tiny bit of tequila.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Pamela.

[Sal Volcano]

And you want to ejaculate into men and give them five.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yes, I want to get. I want to get you pregnant. You pregnant.

[Redband]

You pregnant.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hey, hey, aim that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You pregnant.

[Julio]

Aim it over there.

[Pamela Galvez]

Okay. You pregnant. We'll have blue eyed babies. Yeah, let's do it. Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Pamela.

[Pamela Galvez]

We'll have some Mexican babies if I get pregnant.

[Redband]

There you go.

[Pamela Galvez]

Well, how's the blind baby if I got you?

[Redband]

All right, Pamela, over here. Pamela, here. Here's a little joke book. I'm gonna get you out of here before we get. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There she goes.

[Redband]

Pamela. Pamela, put the mic in the mic sing. Get the out of here. Literally no one wants to see you dance. There she goes. Pamela Galvez, everybody. Jesus Christ almighty. All right, let's some fun here.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Antonia.

[Redband]

Yeah,

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I think I might be pregnant. She got me a couple times.

[Redband]

You might be. You might have to move up to a 5x after this.

[Julio]

Might.

[Redband]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a regular here that is one of the biggest stars in all of comedy here with the brand new minute future citizen of the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ari.

[Drew Nickens]

Matt.

[Ari Maddie]

Uh, I had my first American Advil. Holy shit. First of all, I go to the pharmacy, there's Advil and Advil instant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who the fuck

[Ari Maddie]

has a migraine and sees those options and is like, ah, I'll write this out for another 45. Dude, I put this Advil in my mouth and it tastes sweet. You guys put sugar on your medicine. You know the rest of the world doesn't do that. The miracle is enough. But only in America. Even for those two seconds when you're looking for that glass of water, even for those two seconds, can it not be the greatest country on earth, huh? It's gotta be fucking woo.

[Redband]

Born in the usa.

[Ari Maddie]

No wonder you guys are fat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have sugar on your medicine.

[Ari Maddie]

The government is trying to kill you. That's the American government. It fixes the migraine but then slips you diabetes on the back end. Boy, you guys are fat. Dude, I went to Dunkin Donuts for the first time, dude. Whatever happened to A plain donut. It was good enough in Dunkin Donuts. Just everything sprinkled, grazed, penetrated. Just fucking. Here you go. More sugar,

[Drew Nickens]

dude.

[Ari Maddie]

Dunkin Donuts has an early bird special. If you go to dunkin donuts between 7 and 8am and you buy a donut, you get the second one for free. Listen, if you start your day with a donut, the last thing you need is another donut.

[Redband]

The great, the powerful, the Estonian assassin has done it again. Ari. Matty. Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

What time is that again? Sorry, what time? Between 7 and 8.

[Ari Maddie]

7 and 8.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hilarious stuff, my friend. Absolutely incredible. Wow. I never thought of that before. About the sweet.

[Ari Maddie]

Literally the painkiller sugar on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Amazing.

[Ari Maddie]

You guys need to relax.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is out of control, dude. It is out of control.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

You know why though, right? Red bands going your bloodstream.

[Ari Maddie]

Faster sugar now, you know that?

[Redband]

Yeah, any. That's what you keep telling yourself. Yeah. No, it actually helps.

[Ari Maddie]

Nah, it helps. The.

[Redband]

He just sucks the candy part off the Advil, spits it out like a sunflower seed, throws another one in his mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, it's good for you. It's a bloodstream.

[Redband]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari, you are a huge fucking superstar. You absolutely destroy everywhere you go.

[Redband]

Tell us about life a little bit. How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it evolving? How's it changing? What's going on? Being a rock star. Yeah, it's good.

[Ari Maddie]

Listen, we need more bitches in the Kill Tony fan group. Every time I go out, it's all dudes. Great set, great set. Dude, I love your stuff. And then they try to fix my joke. They're always like, yeah, you should say you raped your sister at the end. Sure, buddy. We need Matt Rife. We need Matt Rife on the panel every fucking night. Where's the bitch's hat? Where's the bitches at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, there's a lot of lovely ladies out here today. I mean, there's a lot of.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, everyone's every. Every chick here came with their boyfriend and they don't like the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that one. Look how pretty that girl is with the hat and the mustache and the Adam's apple, right?

[Ari Maddie]

What's up, Kid Rock?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that.

[Ari Maddie]

Good to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So, Ari, I mean, you're out there on the road. What's going on? What else is happening? Crazy. You've been anywhere fun? What do you like? Where you been?

[Ari Maddie]

Just doing gigs, riding my little bicycle around, you know, that's what I do. I ride my little bicycle around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got a bicycle now?

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

I don't have a driver's license, so

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got to do what I got to do.

[Redband]

Like an E bike or regular bike? Yeah, Red Band wants to know anything

[Ari Maddie]

that helps it get to the bloodstream.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

So you got a little 10 speed?

[Redband]

Are you got a little 10 speed?

[Ari Maddie]

I just take the hills on old school, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Sal Volcano]

E bike.

[Ari Maddie]

By the way, I've seen two E bikes at Redman's place. They got fucking spider shit all over it. There's a full civilization around his E bikes. There's a Kill Tony happening on his E bike right now.

[Drew Nickens]

It's Avatar. There's a.

[Redband]

They really are.

[Ari Maddie]

There's a gay little cockroach going. Unbelievable.

[Redband]

Those are some dusty E bikes at Red Band's house. Even with an electric motor, you can't get his ass out on the streets. No sun absorption. What's. When's the last time you went on a little E bike ride and pressed only motor and never touch the pedals?

[Unknown Panelist 1]

I can't use them because I can't park anywhere. That's why I don't use it. But I use like lime scooters every day. But I used it like two weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow, look at that. Where'd you go?

[Unknown Panelist 1]

I just ran my neighborhood and yeah.

[Redband]

Carl, Carl Jr.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

The goony shirt. Like, let's go exploring. You know they'll find dead bunnies and pedals.

[Ari Maddie]

Look at Brian like.

[Drew Nickens]

Sure.

[Redband]

You said there's nowhere to park your E bike.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why you don't go out.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Yeah, like I can't bring it here. You know, I can't bring it to most places because it's like, people steal that. It's like a six thousand dollar bike.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You don't want it stolen.

[Redband]

So you better not ever take it out anywhere. You just leave it in your apartment. You don't want it to get stolen. That's why you don't ride your bike.

[Sal Volcano]

No, Duncan lets you park them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dunkin Donis, seven to eight, double donuts. Double your donuts. Where do you park your bike?

[Redband]

Let's help Red band out a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe we can get his fat ass

[Redband]

out of the apartment.

[Ari Maddie]

But it is, it is a stress. Like I went to a Trader Joe's the other day and then when I. When you see the bike. Whether the what a steal?

[Mike Holloway]

The rack.

[Ari Maddie]

This guy knows the rack. I always. Sometimes they're full. So you try to pick. Because my bicycle is nice. So I try to pick which bike to put my bike next to. And I tried to tell a story of what this guy's lifestyle is like. So I try to find like a nice bike to go with my nice bike. And then, dude, like a week ago I come out and my bike is just hanging like all fucked up. And I saw who that motherfucker. It was an E bike, by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course, those E bike people just

[Ari Maddie]

took his bicycle, left mine in the dirt. I'm gonna find him. I'm gonna go to Trader Joe's every day. Kill this mother.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Ari Maddie]

Because I'm obsessed about scratchers, dude.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

They have like.

[Ari Maddie]

There's three new scratchers on my bicycle, dude. I almost fucking rented a U Haul and drove through a fucking Sabrina Carpenter concert at acl. Feel my pain. Just fucking vapes and labubus flying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God, so funny, dude.

[Ari Maddie]

ACL has a lot of these whores, dude.

[Redband]

Oh, yeah, it really is.

[Ari Maddie]

And I'm 33, and when I look at young girls now, I don't want to fuck em anymore. I just want to raise em, you know, Just tie a bitch down and yell at her, like, dressed like this, huh? There's a breeze coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you partake in any of the ACL activities?

[Ari Maddie]

Fuck no. It's a pretentious fucking festival. Festival full of faith.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Terrible lineups.

[Redband]

Yeah, terrible.

[Ari Maddie]

Get the out of Sabrina Carpenter shirt. I want to become a.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

As we all know, the great Sabrina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Out of here, dude. Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Outside in a porta potty. 400 tickets, dude. If it's $400, by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy.

[Ari Maddie]

Dude, if it's $400, fly me in with a helicopter, dude. Yeah, I'm not taking a. In a porta Body.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is unbelievable. There's just nothing good. The lineups aren't good and it's just a ton of people I went last year. Who did I see? Oh, the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[Ari Maddie]

No, no, that's fire.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was so mediocre, huh? So mediocre. California. California.

[Ari Maddie]

Oh, you have a personal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Vendetta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're old now too, you know, they're like real old.

[Ari Maddie]

Real old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Damn.

[Ari Maddie]

Not so chilly anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Red hot.

[Redband]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Ari Maddie]

I didn't have a riff about that. Hey, Gabriel, last time I was on. Remember that merch incident?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Oh, by the way. Yeah. Last time I was here, he. He almost got one of my employees fired.

[Ari Maddie]

Cuz I. Cuz I. Yeah, I know.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Covered a scam in your organization there.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

And the organization.

[Ari Maddie]

You're watching your merch now, huh?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I'm watching. Yeah, I follow it. You don't realize I Went back and I showed the video clip of him outing my merch guy and my merch guy. Ivan. Ivan, Ivan. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Ivan. I still have six bottles of fluffy tapatio, by the way.

[Redband]

It is so so good. I swear to God I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something about your label makes it a little bit better than normal tapatilla, which we love.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

And you have a special edition now, right? Or something that came out.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Oh yeah, Black label.

[Ari Maddie]

What's that, like extra spicy?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It's. It's just a label that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, just.

[Ari Maddie]

It's not extra black.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You know what I mean?

[Redband]

Is hot soft. You going to sh water out of your ass?

[Ari Maddie]

Just David Jolly on the label. Just

[Redband]

God damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Black hot sauce, ladies and gentlemen.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So anyway, watching the merch a lot better.

[Sal Volcano]

A lot better.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So thank you for uncovering that. That was the best review to let me know what was going on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Man.

[Ari Maddie]

T shirts everywhere right now in Ukraine, dude. Half the soldiers are wearing fluffing. Even the Russians, both sides. You know that Spider man meme.

[Redband]

Oh God. Too funny, Ari. You are truly one of the best in the world. Unbelievable. Go see him live. Killers, the Kill, Tony, touring all over. Everything's amazing. It's all happening, people.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That dude's a legend.

[Redband]

It's incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should.

[Redband]

I mean, in his longer sets he just comes out guns a blazing and does the not chill at all. He is non stop relentless. One more time for Ari, Maddie, everybody. All right, we found him in the bucket and anything can happen. We found every regular golden ticket winner

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of all time out of this simple bucket.

[Redband]

It could happen right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything can happen. Make some noise for your next bucket pool.

[Redband]

It's chadow, everyone. Ch.

[Chado]

What's up, guys?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just.

[Chado]

I want to let you know I'm pretty proud I've never uttered the phrase I have a black friend. Yeah, I've been called the white friend on many occasions, which is always awkward because you have to tell him I would never be friends with a black guy. I'm not racist. No no, it's my wife. She's gonna try to fuck him. No, she leaves me little hints around the house. Like the other day she got me this book. She left it out on my nightstand. It's called how to make a woman orgasm. Yeah, I don't know how it ended. I didn't finish it. I knew it was too complicated for me because the first page said lick your fingers to turn these pages this. But I have a lot of collections. I don't pay anybody back if. If I owe you if it ain't getting cut, it ain't getting paid.

[Julio]

All right.

[Chado]

Yeah. So one of the biggest collections I have is to a sex shop, an adult store. You know, one of these. Oh, never mind. I'm not paying you.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You.

[Chado]

I'm Chatto. Thanks a lot.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chado, it's nice of you to stop your twitch stream to be here.

[Julio]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look fantastic, Chado. It's incredible. Sal, I like how you came out

[Sal Volcano]

and pointed to the other Joe Dirt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chado]

Game recognized game.

[Redband]

Hell yeah. Shadow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Remind us, how long you been on stand up?

[Chado]

I'm going on four years now. All here in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work?

[Chado]

I own a cannabis college and I write books. I wrote novels and children's books for adults also.

[David Lucas]

Uh huh.

[Chado]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's that going? Good.

[Chado]

No, it's. Nobody knows who I am. Going by Chado is very hard for people to find. You writer, Chatto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Oh yeah, yeah. Gabe.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

No, just. Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Why do you go by Chatto?

[Chado]

Because the last name, if I pronounce it, it's not spelled that way. It's just hard to find or hard to understand or hard to say. So doing open mics, it was just easier to cut it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really do have a wife.

[Chado]

I really do. I think she's in the backyard about three, four feet down right now. But yeah, she's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean by that?

[Chado]

No, she's not dead. I was just kidding. Oh, not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Chado]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does she do?

[Chado]

She works for U Haul. She's a. She takes calls.

[Mike Holloway]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah, she answers the phone at U Haul.

[Chado]

From home?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. She's a white lady.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Chado]

Believe it or not.

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And have you made her. Do you actually make her orgasm?

[Chado]

Yeah, we've been married 26 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you keep things fresh in the bedroom?

[Chado]

So you asked me this. We do a lot of things, but the latest thing is I kind of wait for her to fall asleep and make sure she's gone and then I just jerk off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very exciting.

[Redband]

Do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you watch something on your phone or do you use your imagination?

[Chado]

Apparently that wakes her up. And so, yeah, you got to keep on the DL, you know, but yeah, the headphones help. But then again, she's just watching you for three minutes. You don't even know she's just calling your name out and like.

[Sal Volcano]

Right, okay, so she's sleeping and you're jerking off.

[Chado]

Yeah.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And then it's children's books, you say. You're right.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Chado]

For adults. For adults. They're for slow. Slow adults.

[Chris Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Drew Nickens]

For real?

[Sal Volcano]

It's. It's a. It's a book for us.

[Chado]

I brought you guys some today, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did?

[Chado]

Yeah, if you guys would like.

[Julio]

That's different.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You usually give out books.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Let's see. Where. What's. Where's one at?

[Chado]

They're coming right now. I believe they.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let me see one of those. Heidi, let's see what we got here. What do we got?

[Chado]

So these are based on my stand up. So they're hilarious.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

So they must be bedtime stories then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Based on stand up comedy by Chatto. Stevie J Moves to the burbs. Stevie J. Chad.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

What is your actual full last name? So it's hard to pronounce.

[Chado]

It's O Chefsky, but it's spelled O L S H A V S K Y. So.

[J.D. Madison]

Yeah.

[Chado]

Oh, yeah, Chado.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

I noticed. Just looking through this real quick. Half the time you use Stevie J. But then other times you just use Stevie. Like what's going on here? Why would.

[Chado]

Yeah. Some people don't use their last name all the time. It's just sometimes, you know, know. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chado]

Thanks for pointing out the continuity in my errors.

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Not going to lie. This looks like a book about Jesus.

[Chado]

Yeah, it's. It's based on my. Myself, obviously, you know.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, wait, so your. Your wife is the illustrator?

[Chado]

Yes, she is, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, why didn't you say that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, these are.

[Sal Volcano]

These are unbelievable illustrations.

[Chado]

Can we not make everything about the.

[Julio]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's kind of.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Wait, that's not AI.

[Sal Volcano]

They're really good illustrations.

[Chado]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, she was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band thinks it's AI Is your wife AI?

[Chado]

Actually, my wife is not, but she does use AI and then Photoshop to make them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chado]

AI is very.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

This is like Disney quality type artwork. Yeah, it really is. She does good, good work.

[Chado]

Yeah. It's really hard to get AI to be consistent. And she does a really good job making it happen like that Pixar movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Prompters.

[Redband]

Prompts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

CJ is make better.

[Redband]

Make better. Make better. Make better. This is good enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, good enough.

[Redband]

It's amazing being able to utilize AI for your art. It's just incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make a little better.

[Drew Nickens]

More urban.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More urban. Okay, Chado, you have a little joke book.

[Chado]

I got a big one last time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Well, there you go, ladies and gentlemen. That's Chadow.

[Redband]

We're gonna keep it moving along. Shadow after Ari. Maddie is like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like. It's like, it's like. It's like a sugar free lemonade after a shot of tequila or something like that.

[Redband]

Oh, my goodness. Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speak of the devil, Heidi. All right, this looks like a new name. This could be be fun.

[Redband]

Make some noise for Julio, everybody. We're gonna meet Julio out of the bucket right now. Wow.

[Julio]

Julio. So my mom raised an autism child and raised me and ended up wishing both her kids turned out. My dad. I would get in a lot of trouble. So my dad was like, hey, I get in trouble when I hang out with my friend. My very best friend, Johnny Walker. He gives me invisibility powers. So I'm like, you mean like superhero? He's like, yeah. Every time I go with my friend and I get home and your mom looks at me and goes, I can't even look at you right now. Can't even see you like this. I used to be gay. I went to one of those pray the gay out of you Jesus camps, and now I'm having all kinds of heterosexual sex.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Julio]

There you go, bro.

[Redband]

Julio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. I have so many questions.

[Pamela Galvez]

Wow,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you're excited. Hi, Julio, welcome.

[Julio]

Hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm very first comedian, Very first comedian. First time, first time doing the stand.

[Julio]

Very first. I've been going to. I've been to two of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, okay. I love it. You can barely speak the language. This is incredible right now. Absolutely amazing.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So far, so good, Julio.

[Julio]

Thank you.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah, man.

[Julio]

I got more.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Puerto Rico.

[Redband]

Whoa. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You're like. You're like. Okay.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah.

[Redband]

How long have you been in America?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many days have you been in America?

[Julio]

January 99.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

January 99. January of 1999.

[Julio]

Excuse the footing.

[Redband]

There's a lot of wise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The month of January. Yang dying.

[Julio]

She's mine.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Okay, so, Julio, San Juan or whereabouts in Puerto Rico?

[Julio]

It's like Bayamon, like 10 miles away from. It's a metro area.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. The metro area.

[Sal Volcano]

Are you. Are you or were you gay or is that just a joke or.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Look at the watch, bro. Look at the watch. He's still gay.

[Julio]

Sorry, bro.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Come on.

[Julio]

Like, ambiguous now.

[Sal Volcano]

No, I didn't know if that was a genuine.

[Julio]

It's stuff I dream about.

[Sal Volcano]

You went to a Jesus camp and. Or whatever it was.

[Julio]

No, that's for the joke.

[David Lucas]

My.

[Julio]

My imagination.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talk loud, Julio.

[Julio]

My imagination for joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your imagination.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, so, yeah, okay, so you're straight. So you're straight.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Julio]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's definitely not straight, Sal.

[Redband]

What are you talking about?

[Sal Volcano]

You said having all kinds of straight

[Julio]

Sex unicorns out there coming to kill Tony is like when Neo go to the Oracle, you know, I'm like, here. I want to find out if I'm really good or not.

[Redband]

Wow. I need live subtitles right now. This is incredible. I'm calling ice. Puerto Rico is part of America. I know Puerto Ric.

[Julio]

He's from Puerto Rico.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony going to learn that Puerto Rico

[Redband]

is part of America. I know.

[Julio]

I love it.

[Redband]

Trust me directly.

[Sal Volcano]

I didn't think I would understand someone less than Pamela.

[Redband]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible.

[Julio]

I'll be able to figure that out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Julio]

Why, like, so that you're gonna understand me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, you're doing good, Julio. What do you do for work?

[Julio]

I'm a flight simulator technician.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Julio]

Like a video game for airplanes that real pilots train on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You actually do that?

[Julio]

I used to build them before I worked maintaining them, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Badass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. That's incredible.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Badass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

He doesn't have to speak to do that.

[Redband]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing, Julio. And you've been doing that for how long?

[Julio]

Since 03.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. And do you have a. A steady lover right now in your life? Is there.

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Is it a simulator? You can't get cauliflower from a simulator. Yeah, say what you want.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where'd you meet this guy at?

[Redband]

Tell us about it, Julio.

[Julio]

It's actually a machine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Julio]

My. My bicycle. It's my lover.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your bicycle? What are you saying?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hope it's not Aries.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Julio]

I only dance with the machine, so, like, I don't E bike.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Julio, stick with me here.

[Julio]

I have my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your actual love life like in real life?

[Julio]

I'm swimming in it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're swimming in

[Julio]

me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do, like, when you want to.

[Julio]

I'm like, if they tell me. Oh, that was deep, Julio. And I'm like. I'm trying to touch your heart, you know?

[Redband]

Jesus Christ. Red band. Trying to conduct a professional interview over here. And I got you fart noise and out of my left ear. I can't understand a single word this guy's saying.

[Julio]

I'm a little nervous. That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy will not come all the

[Redband]

way out of the closet. It's the craziest thing. He's, like, peeking through the door from the inside of the closet. It's like, come on out, Julio. Julio, I know you're in there. We know you're in there. Julio, come out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on? Are you afraid? Like mama and Papa are watching from the metro area.

[Julio]

Oh, no.

[Redband]

San Juan, Puerto Rico.

[Julio]

I bet they're proud.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they know you're gay?

[Julio]

Mom lives in San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your mom lives in San Antonio? Yeah. The Puerto Rico of Texas. I love it.

[Julio]

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does your mom know you're gay?

[Julio]

I guess she knows now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Wait.

[Sal Volcano]

Sorry. So you are gay?

[Redband]

Yes, he's gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy is gay.

[Julio]

I'm playing along.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't. And the more you speak, the more I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't.

[Julio]

I mean, I. I feel really comfortable with my sexuality. So. Yeah, it's like, no big deal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No big deal.

[Julio]

Like.

[Sal Volcano]

So are you gay or straight?

[Julio]

I. I wish. I like hairy asses, you know, because that would be pretty cool.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're into women. Yeah.

[Chris Miller]

Yeah.

[Redband]

And guys.

[Julio]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever been?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Bicycles.

[Julio]

I mean, like, bicycles.

[Redband]

You're.

[Julio]

You're a beautiful man, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I know.

[Redband]

Thank you. Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

There you go.

[Redband]

Wow. How many. You think I should butt buck this guy right now? That's right. Okay. Keno, you don't have to do the light thing. You don't have to make the lights go crazy. Jesus, Kino, relax back there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Redband]

So the last person that you had sex with in real life was a woman. Where did you meet this lady at?

[Julio]

On dating site Talk Loud, Julio. Dating site.

[Redband]

Dating site. What was the dating site like?

[Julio]

Tinder, I think.

[Redband]

Tinder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

I'm on all of them, right? Of course. Because that's what straight guys do. They get on all the sites.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

So did you go on a date with her?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you go to a restaurant or something?

[Julio]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What type of restaurant did you go?

[Julio]

We went to the. The Blue Star. Blue Star Art district in San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have Halcyon or whatever, a hacienda,

[Julio]

and they have tabletop s' mores if you want to smash on the first date, get tabletop s'.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Mores.

[Redband]

That Tabletop scores s'.

[Drew Nickens]

Mores.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

I feel weird.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Should I just translate for you?

[Redband]

Yes, absolutely.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

This is so frustrating. I feel like. Yeah. Back from mom back in the day.

[Redband]

Get.

[Julio]

I'll write it out. I'll write it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So what made you want to start standup comedy here today, Julio?

[Julio]

I've always known I've had good ideas. In my town, they called me Gabriel.

[Redband]

What the. You got out of this one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

What?

[Redband]

Can I get a translator for my translator?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I don't understand him in Spanish.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

He said he always has good ideas.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Okay. Good ideas.

[Redband]

Whoa. Red band. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that, huh?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Talking that's that Advil talking?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the sugar coated Advil. Julio, tell us more. What do you do for fun? Tell us more about yourself.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Smash S'.

[Jordan Yates]

Mores.

[Julio]

Yeah, I ride BMX bikes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

BMX bikes?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So you're a bike rider?

[Julio]

Flatland bmx? Yeah.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Oh, that's kind of.

[Julio]

I mean, I try. If I have money, I go to Puerto Rico and go big wave boogie boarding.

[Redband]

Oh, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boogie boarding. Okay. All right.

[Sal Volcano]

You're way more interesting than you let on when you speak.

[Julio]

I don't mean that it's an insult.

[Sal Volcano]

I just mean, like, you're all over the place and you're hard to understand. And then you say stuff like you simulate programs of flight instructors and you go wakeboarding. And I'm like, oh, all right. Like, I don't. You're. I'm confused. I'm very confused. You have a brother with autism as well?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Okay. Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I wasn't sure, like, what was real and what it wasn't.

[Julio]

You're confused.

[Sal Volcano]

Yes.

[Julio]

Dear diary, jackpot.

[Redband]

Wow. All right, let me ask you this. This is your first time doing a big show like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you have more jokes on that paper that you didn't get to do?

[Redband]

We.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to do them? All right, here you go.

[Redband]

Do some more jokes. I want to know what else Julio has here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everything starts with a Y. Here he goes doing another joke.

[Julio]

Since I'm older, sometimes it doesn't work all the time. So I pray to Jesus to raise my penis Lazarus from the dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's do another one.

[Julio]

I always. Or.

[Redband]

He writes like, he talks.

[Julio]

Coming to exam. It's a station for trans black women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what is trans black women? What about it?

[Julio]

A radio station.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Radio station for trans black women?

[Julio]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Julio]

It's called trans sister.

[Redband]

There's a banger.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That's fun.

[Redband]

That's a great joke.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That's fun.

[Julio]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good, Julio.

[Julio]

I have a.

[Chado]

My.

[Julio]

I work on my electric bike, try to make it faster, and now it identifies as a motorcycle. So it, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. You have some cute jokes, Julio.

[Julio]

Thank you.

[Redband]

Totally gay. This the gayest dudes, like, ever.

[Julio]

I didn't. I didn't hear you. What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Redband]

Oh, my God, I'm so straight.

[Julio]

I'm super stoked, actually. And we're only called daydem Conjoined twin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, I love it. Singular twin.

[Sal Volcano]

You went really heavy on that second page with the drink.

[Drew Nickens]

You really went in with.

[Julio]

My eyes are not what they used to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What

[Redband]

it's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, give us one More Julio, can I read one? So let me read one.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I don't think you can read it, dude.

[Redband]

I want to see this.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Looks like a ransom letter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay.

[Julio]

I got. I got a joke.

[Redband]

Okay, do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do on Julio.

[Redband]

And while I try to decipher this. This zodiac killer code that you have

[Julio]

here, I always say my writing was shit. So, like, if I sent a threat letter, that people will believe it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Do the. Do the one with the chica. That chola will cut you.

[Julio]

Oh, like I got a type. It's a kind of Mexican girl that you never, ever, ever catch at a Taco Bell. The kind of Mexican chick that will talk behind your back about how you didn't speak in Spanish to her. And the kind of chica that will cut you if you get it twisted with her. So I'm gonna clap her cheeks until she agrees with everything I say.

[Redband]

Wow, amazing.

[Sal Volcano]

That wasn't a joke so much as a grievance followed by a threat.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah, still sound gay.

[Redband]

Yes. I swear I'm gonna clap her cheeks

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

until she tells me everything about being

[Redband]

a woman that I wanna know. Okay, can you do the nxt Cucaracha Smash.

[Julio]

So, yeah, like, so I get to smash that cucaracha when I get me. Get me a nice Mexican girl.

[Redband]

How about the alpha male bully?

[Julio]

Oh, my brother was a bully, so I guess he's an alpha male. And now I'm a nerd, so that makes me alphabetical.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, you're adorable.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the patience?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

How many jokes are on there?

[Redband]

A lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the patience?

[Redband]

Fist?

[Julio]

I. I. Sometimes I. I get impatient and I tell myself, self, no fisting ever starts by you punching on a vagina.

[Redband]

Yeah, dude, I could watch a full hour review. How about. How about cripples? What do you got for cripples with 1p?

[Julio]

I hate it when I go to Six Flags and all the front parking spots are handicapped and none of the cripples showed up.

[Redband]

This guy's good. This guy's good. I love it. All the best jokes you didn't do. You did a reverse. It's almost like I fell for your plot here. Like, let me see your jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you have, like, a bunch of work, huh?

[Julio]

Debate worked.

[Redband]

Yeah, it worked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You tricked me.

[Redband]

This is probably how we're gonna end up butt later. You're tricking me. Okay, what about we butt gf.

[Julio]

What? Oh, yeah. I walked in on this girl that I was seeing with the Wii remote of her butthole, and I'm like,

[David Lucas]

I

[Julio]

was like, oh, honey, you're doing it wrong.

[Redband]

All right, one last one. One last one. I will to know they cheered for him.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Let him walk away with. No. Let him walk away on the cheer.

[Redband]

No, it's not that easy.

[Sal Volcano]

This is A Cinderella story, man.

[Redband]

16, get on your bike and head

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

to San Anto, bro.

[Redband]

One last one. You ready for it? I want to know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exterminator cracks CR oh yeah.

[Julio]

So like she. Whenever I role play, I. I want to be the exterminator. So you, you, you go and I show up unrealistically, like fast and I come to a. Fumigate your cracks and crevices. Julio.

[Redband]

Oh my God. Wow. There's a big joke buck. Julio. Absolutely unbelievable debut performance, Julio. Keep writing and come back. Sign up and do it again. Okay.

[Julio]

Yes.

[Chado]

Thank you.

[Redband]

You're welcome. Julio, ladies and gentlemen, with an unbelievable debut performance here on Kill Tony with a 17 minute and 20 second long interview. That's how you know there's potential there. Let me remind you that Chado had about a four minute long interview. So Chad's been doing it four years. Julio comes in here with a scrappy piece of paper and ends up stealing the show. He didn't even know. I'm just rattling crack.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

We still don't know. Gay or straight, we will never know. Don't matter. Julio killed it the the premises.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The premises didn't make any sense and

[Dom LaMarca]

there were no punch lines.

[Sal Volcano]

How do we chant his name?

[Redband]

We love him. I wish he had more. If he would have pulled out another piece of paper, I would have just done the rest of the show with him. I would add everyone else, go home, tell these people they can all hit the road. Cuz we're going to have fun with Julio. Unfortunately, we ran out of. We ran out of. They.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was fun. I love. That's what you love about this show, right?

[Redband]

It's just the chaos. Anything can happen. Dreams coming true for a young gay straight man. All right, your next bucket pole. We're going to meet them all together. Make some noise for Chris Miller, everybody. Here we go.

[Chris Miller]

Hey, guys.

[Chado]

I've.

[Chris Miller]

I've been playing basketball with the same group of guys for 20 years. We went to breakfast the other morning and we were talking about things that we did when we were a kid. And my buddy Kenny, he's a black guy. And I said, kenny, I said, did you ever run around your neighborhood and ring doorbells and run when you were a kid? And he goes, yes, I did. And I said, what'd you call that? And he looked at me, he says, chris, I called that the same thing you called that. And I said, I said, okay, I apologize, my friend. He goes, no, that's just what we called it. And I said, all right. I said, well, now I've got a 25 year old son. So when my son was the age where they would run around neighborhood, ring doorbells and run, he. Everybody had ring cameras. So all my neighbors are sending me videos. So the kids get home and I go, guys, what are y' all doing? And my son goes, dad, we're ding dong ditching. I was like, what'd you call it? He goes, dad, we're ding dong ditching. I threw my arms up in my. In my living room. And my son goes, dad, what are you doing? And I go, don't worry about it. All you need to know is I'm a better dad than my dad was. All right, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris. Hi, Chris, how are you?

[Chris Miller]

Somehow red band like that.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Yeah, exactly what you're talking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you guys are the same age, so that makes sense.

[Sal Volcano]

Sal, I understood Julio more.

[Redband]

Yeah, I agree.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Julio, do you have any notes in your pocket?

[Redband]

Anyone?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Notes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any notes? No notes. Okay, Chris, let's talk about it. How long you been doing standup?

[Drew Nickens]

Two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two months. And how long have you been selling insurance? What do you do for work?

[Chris Miller]

I'm a salesman, but I don't sell insurance.

[Chado]

I actually have.

[Chris Miller]

I have a website that's on Shopify.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. We love Shopify. Not a lot of people know this, but if you use the promo code Kill Tony, you can start your own Shopify for an amazing. Amazing. Okay, you married, kids, the whole thing?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yep.

[Chris Miller]

Been married 28 years. I've got three awesome kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome. What's the most exciting thing about your life? Like, what's something that would surprise us about you? Because you seem like just a real plain glass of water.

[Chris Miller]

Well, I would say all my kids are fairly normal. And I think the reason is, is that all three of my kids have walked in on us having sex.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay. And what, what have they seen?

[Chris Miller]

Well, I never asked them that question, but all I know is when, you know, when you've been married a long time and when your wife says, you know, is the door locked? I mean, you say yes, Right? You know, so I mean, I go to the casino, I always bet on red. And at least one time with each child, it was on black.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Do you really have a black friend named Kenny?

[Chris Miller]

Yeah, yeah, I play basketball for 20 years. The same guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What does Kenny do for a living?

[Chris Miller]

He works for AT T, but I don't know. He's got HR department, so we probably shouldn't talk too much about him, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. We don't want to cost a man his job. What do you guys.

[David Lucas]

I.

[Sal Volcano]

You know the joke. You put a lot of. Like, it definitely was thought out and you put a lot into it. And I think somewhere along the line, maybe you missed a set or something. Because I. I wanna. I wanna understand the punchline of the joke.

[Chris Miller]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So.

[Sal Volcano]

Because at first I thought it was me, a race thing, but then it wasn't. And then I asked redbay.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

It's a race thing. Back in the day, Ding dong and ditch was called something else. That's how we all used to say the N words as kids. It was N word knocking. That's what they used to call it.

[Mike Holloway]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is what it was.

[Redband]

It was called N word knocking. Except we weren't. We didn't call it the N word. You said the word.

[Sal Volcano]

But what is. But what is Ding dong ditch?

[Chris Miller]

That's what the kids call it these days.

[Sal Volcano]

But we call it ring and run.

[Redband]

Ring and run. What the. Ring and run.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

I. I'm.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm from the east coast, which is bigger than this, so I don't know.

[Redband]

Wow. Full heel turn, for sale volcano.

[Sal Volcano]

Did you guys. Did you guys understand this joke? Okay.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

All right.

[Redband]

Well. Well, no, cuz.

[Sal Volcano]

Cuz I was so interested. You had me and I was like, waiting on it, and then you got it into the cat. And then I was like, let's hear it. And then I didn't get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So nobody understood his joke. So I'm going to do something very, very special right now. Here to translate his joke for us.

[Redband]

Make some noise for Julio, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here he is.

[Redband]

Julio, come back out. Send Julio out. You need to. Champ. Julio. Julio. Oh, my God. Here he is. Julio. Now I gotta. I gotta ask you, Julio, what was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he talking about up here, this guy? Just. Just go ahead and explain it to us. No. No idea.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You want to have him retell the joke so that Julio can do it?

[Ari Maddie]

I didn't.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Step by step.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Say it again.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You want to have him read to do the joke so Julio can. Can do, you know, translate it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Julio, what do you think it meant? Did you catch any of it?

[Julio]

No, like, I was talking on the phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fuck. Who the fuck were you talking on the phone with?

[Julio]

To my mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Really?

[Redband]

You still have your phone on you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have it on you right now?

[Julio]

No, no.

[Redband]

Let's call Julio's mom real quick. Give him his phone. I want to talk to your mom. What's your mom's name?

[Julio]

Esperanza.

[Redband]

Esperanza. Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, call her and put it on

[Redband]

speaker and then hand it over to me over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here.

[Redband]

Just hit send.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yo, you have to turn it back on.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Mom's speaking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The phone doesn't ring when you're calling a person.

[Julio]

Yeah, she speaks really good. She okay. Think she's great at it, but she

[Redband]

is the sound effect of an antique phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

While Julio's trying to turn on his

[Redband]

little cricket over here,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have a special plan. It works in Puerto Rico and only Texas.

[Julio]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It only. This phone only work in San Antonio.

[Redband]

All right.

[Julio]

Is it ringing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not ringing.

[Julio]

Maybe it's bro. I love. Maybe it's wanting to connect to my headphones or something.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Oh, I love that it says mama on it like it's written mom. It's not mom, it's mama.

[Julio]

Yeah, that's why I don't disrespect women. I, I, I go on a lot of dates because of that. I also had a scrotum. Tuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Julio]

Bro.

[Redband]

Bro.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I don't know that you want to know this.

[Julio]

So, so old balls. That's not me.

[Redband]

Hold on.

[Mike Holloway]

I hear it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, Esperanza, it's me, Tony. La Show. Kill Tony Show. Hello, Esperanza. I'm with your son, Julio. Yes. Wow, you speak better English than he does. Esperanz, your son is becoming a star in real time. How do you feel about this?

[Pamela Galvez]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, he's becoming a star from a long time ago.

[Redband]

Oh, I love that. The crowd is chanting his name. Esperanza, Esperanza.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you seen the hit show Impractical Jokers before? No. Oh,

[Sal Volcano]

your son's gay?

[Redband]

Esperanza, serious question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sal's making a joke here, but we are very curious because Julio is very, very likable. He's a good looking guy, but we're noticing that he kind of has, you know, feminine tendencies in some of his quick responses, like when he doesn't have enough time to think about it, he's kind of. He kind of. Yeah, go ahead. He's kind of what? He's kind of feminine, like, kind of like, kind of, kind of gay. You know what I'm saying? Yes, Julio S americon not American.

[Redband]

Oh, yeah, he's not American.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

There's a fine line between American and gay in Spanish. Marikon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's American.

[Redband]

He is American. Yes.

[Julio]

He's American.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trump doesn't like to accept him, but has to. What do you got?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I didn't get that.

[Julio]

I tried. I don't want to accept something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Julio]

She's saying, I don't want to accept something. That I'm maricon, maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you ever seen him with a woman? With many women,

[Drew Nickens]

yeah.

[Redband]

Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio. Esperanza, are you in San Antonio or Puerto Rico?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm in San Antonio.

[Redband]

Wow, you sound very hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Redband]

Are you a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do? Julio has to be like this because me.

[Redband]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Julio]

I grew up on the spotlight because of her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Even he looks like me. Oh, you have a little facial hair. Yes.

[Redband]

Esperanza, you're a legend. Thanks for taking the call.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I cannot do. You don't have nothing to do.

[Redband]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're it. That's how crazy the show is, is randomly.

[Redband]

Sometimes we just call people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay.

[Redband]

Is it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us the craziest thing about your life before I let you go. You ever have to do anything wild? What do you think makes you special and different than everybody else? I'm special. What? What? Hello? Yes? What's the craziest thing you've ever done? In the bedroom with another man? No, that secret. Top secret.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Craziest thing she ever did was make Julio.

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

She's like, there was this one guy, his dick looked like cauliflower.

[Julio]

Ask her about the shootout.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, by this, by the sound of your voice, Esperanza, before I let you go, you seem like the kind of woman that has seen, like, the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast or something like that. Is that true? Have you seen the Virgin Mary before? Where?

[Redband]

Okay, I'm going to let you go, Esperanza. Past your bedtime. Go get some sleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. I'll see you soon. Wow.

[Redband]

Let's. Let's take a note. Let's just take notice of how boring Chris Miller is as a human being. That we'd rather talk to the last guy's mother than to talk to Chris Miller anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris, thanks for. Thanks for coming out here.

[Redband]

Here's a little joke book. Julio, stay for another second. Chris, you can go. Head on back. Chris, sign up again. Come back again. Do something a little punchier than.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Than one long story. So, Julio, how I love it. You're having the time of your life. You already have.

[Redband]

Called your mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a guy. There's another guy named Julio who was just calling you. Well, by the Way while I was on the phone with your mom. So people know. Your family already knows what's going on right now.

[Julio]

Oh, that's my son.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you have a son?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Junior.

[Julio]

I have three boys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have three boys?

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Redband]

This whole time I spent 17 minutes trying to figure out. Yeah, exactly.

[Julio]

I have a whole set of jokes about how I'm black where it counts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About how you're what?

[Julio]

I'm black where it counts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. In what way?

[Julio]

You're never going to guess my age because black don't crack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, you're not that black because you're present in your child's lives.

[Redband]

So how old are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are your three boys?

[Julio]

20, 14 and 12.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Julio]

I'm. I'm gonna be 49 in November.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Julio]

When. 16.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Funny. The three of us. 49.

[Julio]

Hey, let's.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

49. 49. 49. Oh, go play lotto tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Look at that. That's incredible. Okay, Julio, one more thing. Tell us something about your life before I let you go. Yet again, that would surprise us about it.

[Julio]

When I was a little kid, I was riding in the car with my mom coming home from school, and there was a car to car shootout in Puerto Rico. And I opened the window like it was my day to have a gun battle. And I pull out my toy rifle and I pointed it at the people. And my mom was like, you're gonna get us killed. And she, like, sped out of the place and then stopped by a bridge and did the most gangster thing I've ever seen her say. Seen her, dude, like, broke the thing with her knee and threw it over a bridge.

[Redband]

Wow. Esperanza's a bad bitch. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Julio, Julio, Julio. I'm gonna do something I've never done before. I'm gonna give you a second big joke book to give to Esperanza.

[Redband]

How about that? There you go. And bring her. Next time you come here, bring her and I'll just give you your next appearance. Next time you have a full minute. Next time you write another minute. Bring her and we'll. We'll interview you guys together. Okay? So I love it. One more time for Julio, everybody. Julio. Julio. It's a magical bucket tonight. Anything can happen. Your next bucket pool goes by the name, ladies and gentlemen, of Jordan Yates, everybody. Here comes Jordan Yates.

[Jordan Yates]

Damn. Julio was tall as hell. Hey, what's up, guys? So I'm just gonna get down to it. I got married this year, and I'm quite frankly, lucky my wife is still with me, you know, because I Tried to shave my beard off recently, you know, and she doesn't like the stubble. You ladies know about the stubble? Because I went in for a little smooch, and she was like, it's rough, it's coarse, it's itchy, and I hate. But have y' all ever had to deal with a little lady's double before? Come on, fellas. There you go. You know what I'm talking about. You know when you're trying to visit the roses and you get the thorns? It's like trying to eat a peach through a cheese grater. I'm just down there trying to get some delicious fruit. Meanwhile, my lips are getting the parmesan treatment. I'm in there like the fucking Olive Garden.

[William Montgomery]

Waiter.

[Jordan Yates]

Like, say when, baby. By the way, fellas, she always wants more Parmesan.

[Ari Maddie]

Come on.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Amazing. Jordan Yates, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome.

[Redband]

This is your first time on the show, right?

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. How long you been doing stand up?

[Jordan Yates]

About seven years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven years. Where at?

[Jordan Yates]

From Dallas, originally. Been here in Austin for the last two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. I love it. You have such a great fucking look and a presence. Real star power. What do you do for work?

[Jordan Yates]

Stand up full time since the beginning of the year. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing.

[Redband]

How's that going for you?

[Jordan Yates]

Oh, man. A lot of time in Nebraska, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's where you're big. You're huge in Nebraska.

[Julio]

No.

[Jordan Yates]

Oh, they just like my cowboy hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right.

[Jordan Yates]

They're like, he's one of us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us what doing stand up in Nebraska is like.

[Jordan Yates]

Well, I almost got my ass kicked the first time. Cause I have this. I have this joke about how I'm a bad cowboy. I look like a farmer that exclusively farms soy. Turns out a lot of soy in Nebraska. A lot of big old boys that farm it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your love life like? You seem like you'd be fun to cuddle with.

[Jordan Yates]

Oh, yeah, that's what my wife tells me. Dude. I got a wife that I'm in love with, and she's incredible. Her name's Esther for anybody who needs to know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay. Very nice. You have kids?

[Jordan Yates]

Do I have kids? Not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, are you trying. You pumping her filled with cowboy cum, man.

[Jordan Yates]

Digging the spurs in, dude. Fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. I love it. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom? Any. Any crazy cowboy moves or anything?

[Jordan Yates]

Well, I always start off with the magic mic. First. I hit her with that. You know what I'm saying?

[Redband]

Wow.

[Jordan Yates]

And then most of the time, I'm just, you know, laying there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That sounds about right.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

How did you meet your wife?

[Jordan Yates]

Tinder? Oh, hey. Rosalinda, her mom. We met at church.

[Sal Volcano]

You like a Matthew McConaughey wrapped in an Action Bronson?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Jordan Yates]

that's what I'm going for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Tell us, do you have any other special skills or talents or anything?

[Jordan Yates]

Any special. I can clap with one hand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear it.

[Redband]

Wow,

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

that sounded like something else, but all right.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

What did you do before you got

[Jordan Yates]

into stand up sales for a long time? Dude, I did corporate real estate sales. Yeah, I know. Pretty shitty.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

No, you sold real estate.

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah, I sold office space, of all things. Yeah, I know.

[Redband]

Were you good at it?

[Jordan Yates]

Actually, yeah. Paid a lot better than this does. I'm going to be honest.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us, like, give us an example. Pretend like we're here and you're selling us an office space. Give us an example of what that would sound like.

[Jordan Yates]

Hey, this is Jordan with Regis. I'm calling to follow up with you about your inquiry on our offices. Yeah, that you were looking for something in the Dallas area. Tell you what, I think I got a few options, but I want to hear a little bit more about what you need from the space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you know, I'm looking like the wolf of Wall street right there. I'm looking for something like a, you know, a couple thousand square feet. I don't need much space because I don't want to have to pay for the air conditioning. I know it gets hot up there in Dallas, so, you know. You have anything like that? You have anything small?

[Mike Holloway]

Yeah.

[Jordan Yates]

I tell you what, we can definitely hook you up. When you're saying that you're looking for a couple thousand square feet of space, are you wanting that to be something that you're going to use for your personal use, or do you have a team that we need to get set up for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To all that.

[Jordan Yates]

Y' all don't make me do this anymore, please.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Dude, I love the fact that you code switch like that. You went from comic cowboy, dude, and now sudden I'm like, I'm ready to sign a lease.

[Redband]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

amazing stuff. What does your wife do for work?

[Jordan Yates]

She works for the state. She was in the capital for a few years and she now works for a state agency.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jordan Yates]

She's a responsible one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's doing process improvement pretty much, yeah. Amazing, amazing. What's your. You have an apartment or a house? What do you.

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah, we live in an apartment off of Riverside out here in Austin. So one bedroom, two bedrooms. I got it like that.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do with the second bedroom? You have a little vinyl record player in there?

[Redband]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Jordan Yates]

I used to work out of it, but now I just use it to store my boots. I think is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many pairs of boots do you have?

[Jordan Yates]

Two.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Absolutely incredible.

[Sal Volcano]

You're so likable.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Wow.

[Jordan Yates]

Thank you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good for you. Do you go to church?

[Jordan Yates]

I used to. I used to be a youth pastor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, can you give us an example of what some of your pastor skills would look like?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Oh, here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here he is. Youth pastor Chris Miller.

[Sal Volcano]

Can you sell me on Christ?

[Jordan Yates]

Hey, everybody. I want you to look into your hearts tonight, and I want you to tell me, have you seen Christ in there recently? Tell me, is your heart filled with sin? Is it filled with temptation? Well, you can be redeemed. Amen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Through the power of Jesus Christ.

[Redband]

Wow. Absolutely incredible.

[Sal Volcano]

Tell Sam Kim.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It's like so many lives in one body.

[Julio]

You know what I mean?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

It's like, here you go, office space. You want to get saved. You want to laugh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And you eat.

[Jordan Yates]

Amen, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Good guy. Or, I mean, actually, you're not Chris.

[Jordan Yates]

I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris was the other guy.

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah, that.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Jordan.

[Redband]

Jordan Yates.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up? What were you. What was your childhood like? Country. Country parents, actually.

[Jordan Yates]

Well, my dad grew up in Elgin, which is just 30 minutes outside of Austin here. But the rest of my family is from Oak Cliff, which is South Dallas. And then I have a grandmother from France. I've got all sorts of weird things going on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. No way.

[Redband]

You speak French?

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Whoa. Oh, my God. Speaks every language better than Julio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very fun set yourself. So charismatic and so likable. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe.

[Redband]

Here's a big joke, folks. How fun. How exciting.

[Drew Nickens]

Yates.

[Redband]

Jordan Yates, ladies and gentlemen. We're really doing it. Red band. We're really doing it. All right, let's do something fun right now. I have yet another special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. A Kill Tony hall of famer, one of the greatest regulars in the show's history wants to come out and do a minute. One of the greatest comedians in our history, one of the best roasters in the world, Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the rare return of the great David Lucas.

[David Lucas]

Yeah, I've been falling asleep the black noise lately. It's just videos of cops putting handcuffs on niggas. And the occasional smoke detector. Beep. Football season is here. A lot of white guys play fantasy football. I've realized that fantasy football is virtual slavery for white guys. Cause y' all get to pick y' all favorite nigga. Who runs the fastest, who jumps the highest. I like that Saquon Barkley. That nigga jumped over somebody. It backwards last year. Three hundred years later, we still can't make money off a white man's back. There's no goddamn fantasy pickleball league. All right, that's my time. Thank you, man.

[Redband]

The legend, David. Lights out, Lucas. Hell, yeah. Absolutely doing it again. Incredible. The black noise premise and got old black bruh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Virtual slavery.

[Redband]

Incredible jokes, David.

[David Lucas]

I like Fluffy. That look like a character from Guess who. Does he have hands? Nope.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hold on. Can you call me the N word again?

[Julio]

Huh?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Can you call me the N word again?

[David Lucas]

Yeah, you can say it. You just got to say it. Like vinegar. What is wrong with this back here, bro? What the.

[Redband]

They're very excited to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They.

[Redband]

I don't think they have many of you around here.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Hey, Red.

[David Lucas]

But I know what you was talking about. Back where I'm from, they used to call that knocking. That's what they called it. They called it. I was trying to wait till I came up to say it, but it was called.

[Redband]

That is true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is what we called it. You can only say it so many times in a minute or else YouTube flags us. So don't say it again.

[Redband]

There is.

[David Lucas]

You gotta believe it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have a certain.

[David Lucas]

I'll say vinegar. Knocking

[Redband]

again. That's probably the limit. It's robots. They're not really gonna pick up on that vin so much.

[David Lucas]

Hey, bro, have you seen this on the Internet? So the Internet found out that Martin Luther King was cheating on his wife, and they've made a lot of AI out of this Negro.

[Redband]

Yes.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Vinegar.

[David Lucas]

Have you? Yeah, this vinegar, bro. Stop redback. You gotta say vinegar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Bro.

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

They had.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

They.

[David Lucas]

They had an episode of Martin Luther King Omari today, bro.

[Ari Maddie]

That was so.

[Redband]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

This sora AI stuff is out of control right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is stronger than ever.

[David Lucas]

I seen the AI version of you, bro. Like, manly. That was straight cheekbones, wasn't so high. You know what I'm saying? This cheekbones high as hell. Boy, you look like a baby deer in the face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You son of a. Do you have cheekbones? Are they under there somewhere?

[David Lucas]

I know you got booty cheekbones.

[Redband]

Oh, come on. How dare you say I be having booty cheeks. Cheekbones.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. I do. Sometimes I be making them clap.

[Redband]

That's what the kids are saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I make my booty cheekbones clap. Yes.

[Redband]

Yes, it's true. Yes, I do. Right, Band? I do. Yeah.

[David Lucas]

I Do Tony you skinny though, bro. I bet when you take your clothes off, your G strain be baggy.

[Redband]

How do you know I wear a cheese string?

[David Lucas]

Oh, yeah, that look like the tampon string hanging out. That's how that.

[Redband]

Oh, my God. You got me good there, Martin Luther. Burger King. Holy. Oh, my God. You are morbidly obese in a.

[David Lucas]

You're morbidly, morbidly gay.

[Redband]

Oh, come on. That's not even.

[David Lucas]

That's a word. But you are morbidly gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. Gabe, what do we think he is a 3x4x down here? Oh, 3x. All right.

[Redband]

Fluffy. A fat like me, bro.

[David Lucas]

I know you heard that's how black people talk. When they try to get their point across, they go to a falsetto voice.

[Redband]

Yeah, come on, bro. You know I'mma pay you that money back. What the you talking about, man? Why you tripping over 200, man?

[David Lucas]

Come on now.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Six, seven, man.

[David Lucas]

Six, seven. Oh, that's that kid. My daughter be saying that. What do it mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do it mean?

[Unknown Panelist 1]

All right, man. You wouldn't understand,

[David Lucas]

Red, man. You the oldest.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

It's a rap lyric.

[Redband]

It's a rap lyric.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Kids love it. It's weird. It's really stupid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[David Lucas]

My daughter do be saying that, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Unknown Panelist 1]

That means she's cool as.

[David Lucas]

Don't be looking at my daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why you be looking at my daughter? What else is going on in life, David? What have you been up to, man?

[David Lucas]

You know what I'm saying, bro? You know, we got a couple of projects we working on and. Yep, me and Tony have something amazing coming to the world. I promise you guys are going to be just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just don't.

[David Lucas]

I ain't gonna say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Stop.

[David Lucas]

Yeah, it's a sex tape.

[Redband]

Yes, it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Redband]

I have sex with someone on top of David Lucas. I use him as a tempur pedic mattress.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Purple.

[Sal Volcano]

Purple.

[Redband]

Yeah, yeah, It's a purple drank mattress. Yeah, you heard a tempur pedic. This is an orthopedic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[David Lucas]

Yeah, bro, but that's it, you know, Trying to make moves in the scene.

[Redband]

Orthopedic. He said orchestra roasted.

[David Lucas]

You look like an invisible friend. Get your motherfucking ass. If you ask your kids what they friend look like, they draw this nigga.

[Redband]

You look like an invisible friend is somehow one of the greatest roast jokes I've ever heard in my life.

[David Lucas]

What does your friend look like?

[Ernest Evans Sr.]

Draw him.

[David Lucas]

What's his name? Sal Volcano.

[Redband]

Oh, my God.

[David Lucas]

That don't even sound like a real name. Like if your kids told you that, you'd be like, oh, yeah, cool, baby. S Volcano. Yeah, I know him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You been on tour or anything lately?

[David Lucas]

Yes, sir. I'm on tour right now, bro. I'm all over the world. I got where I'm at. Nashville, Chicago, West Covina, Buffalo, New York, Rochester, San Diego. Pull up on your boy.

[Redband]

Wow, look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Lucas]

And the Killers of Kill Tony tour. You know what I'm saying? It's one of the greatest tours out there right now. People come and they're surprised that we have 20 minutes because they only see us for a minute at a time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. A lot of the best on the. In the show's history out there putting on great shows, incredible stuff.

[David Lucas]

And me and Fluffy found out we both got a love for cars.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah, I was about to bring that up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, tell us about it.

[David Lucas]

I got 80, but he got, like, 70.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I know, right? I don't have a cocaine habit, so I gotta spend the money somewhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

That usually gets a laugh anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goodness. That's incredible.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

He's got some sick cars.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

You have some sick cars. You have some of the most. You have the biggest collection, I think, of vault Volkswagen buses.

[Drew Nickens]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, it's incredible. You guys have been collecting carbs for a long time. And,

[David Lucas]

Tony, I know you get a car with a seat warmer, ain't it?

[Redband]

I do. I love my seat warmer and my steering wheel warmer, too. I have a steering wheel warmer, but

[David Lucas]

put a hole in the middle of the seat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You son of a. I would take

[Redband]

you for a ride if you fit in a Corvette, but unfortunately, it's a little too low.

[David Lucas]

Gonna put me in the seat, you guys. All right, all right, all right, all right. Come on, now.

[Redband]

You know I ride. Make some noise for the great David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. Go catch them on tour. They're crushing.

[Chris Miller]

All right.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

He is so funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I love that I got a chance to see him in Vegas. Yeah, part of the, you know, the roast and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The roast that nobody saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

But he killed it there, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We had so much fun. That was a legendary night.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So fun.

[Redband]

All right, one last bucket pool. Make some noise for Dom LaMarca, everybody. Dom La Marca.

[Dom LaMarca]

Today's actually a really big day for me. I'm a three months clean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Dom LaMarca]

Thank you. I have been showering still on tons of drugs, but I smell like Dove now. It's pretty sick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My.

[Dom LaMarca]

My job recently fired me for my punctuality, and I was just like, yo, what does my grammar have to do with any of this? So you guys should be way more worried about the fact I'm late every day. Like, please, not this. My job was to roll burritos, which was cool, but by the end of every shift, my tongue was so dry, they, like, caught on. That's how I was rolling too. They're like, what's going on? Why do burritos always have filters? I was like, I've been going on job interviews, though, so that's been cool. I went on a job interview the other day. It didn't go well. I walked in and the first thing the guy says when he sees me, he's like, you seem off. It's like, oh. He's like, yeah, man, are you high or tired? I was like, I am both. It's like. But I think if we put them together, I'm hired. Thank you guys so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Dom lamarca. Great stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Dom LaMarca]

Almost seven years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven years? Where at?

[Dom LaMarca]

I started in Long island and then I've been out here for like, two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. And what do you actually do for work?

[Dom LaMarca]

I was working at Jersey Mike's and then they fired me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They really did fire you for being late?

[Dom LaMarca]

No, they didn't really give me a reason. Actually. I think it was just me fundamentally as a person. Unfortunately, they. There's like. Yeah, the owner. The mattress, like, the owner said, you gotta go.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah, it's unfortunate.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Do you have a new job?

[Dom LaMarca]

I'm working for Doordash right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dom LaMarca]

I normally don't like to tell.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

So you still walk into that Jersey Mike's?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I do.

[Dom LaMarca]

I do. I pick up orders next to them and I'll walk in and I'll be like, sucks to suck, guys. Yeah, I'm like, I'm freelance now. It's pretty sick, dude. I had a doordash order last week. I looked at it and it was just for a plan B. Crazy. Yeah. I was like, holy. You mean to tell me I deliver? So you don't like.

[Redband]

Wow. I love it. Hell, yeah. You're doing it, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. What else do you do? What do you do for fun?

[Dom LaMarca]

For fun? Play board games. I shoot music videos also for some of the hip hop scene in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah. He led with board games, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of board games are we talking about? What's your specialty?

[Dom LaMarca]

Dude, I. I'm sick at Exploding Kittens.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never heard of this game before. What is Exploding Kittens? Exactly.

[Dom LaMarca]

It's this game that got, like, kickstarted a few years ago and that just blew up into popularity. And it's just basically, if you grab an exploding kitten, you explode. Unless you could diffuse it.

[Redband]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a board game.

[Dom LaMarca]

The more I talk about, the less sense it's going to make the car. The cards.

[Sal Volcano]

It's like.

[Dom LaMarca]

There's a card in there. It's like Taco Cat. Like, I'm not going to. Yeah, it's a card game.

[Chris Miller]

It's.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Taco Cat's the same backwards than it is forward.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Dom LaMarca]

That's true.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

See, Red Ben knows true Red Ben.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's so.

[Dom LaMarca]

So bust the nut in a tuna sub.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Hold on.

[Redband]

Is that why I saw that online?

[Dom LaMarca]

I saw that online.

[Ari Maddie]

The.

[Dom LaMarca]

No, that's not why I got fired. That's not. Dude, I was making these videos while I was at work there today, too. I thought they would have fired me for that. And nothing like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what it is. Is it really?

[Sal Volcano]

Bust a nut in a tuna sub is the same exact thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. It is.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, I mean, I just figured out

[David Lucas]

when he said it.

[Dom LaMarca]

The Internet told me that the other day. And they would not lie to me.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

That's my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, it would be basa.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You gotta write it down.

[Redband]

Yeah, it would be busa.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Yo, that ain't no Taco Cat.

[Redband]

Yeah, it'd be busting a little apostrophe over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Race car is the same backwards. Did you know that?

[Dom LaMarca]

No, I didn't, but I just saw it in my head when you said that. That's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You say you shot hip hop videos?

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

What? Anybody that we might know?

[Dom LaMarca]

Matt the Dub. He's a comic, too. He's been on here before. Other than that, just local dudes.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Yeah.

[Dom LaMarca]

No, no one that you guys would know. People that you will hear of one day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. If we recognize the rapper from being

[Redband]

pulled out of the bucket on this show. I don't think it's exactly the highest level.

[Dom LaMarca]

I know, dude. I've been telling in Mexican OTs, DMS, like, please, man, I live in Texas. Just let me shoot one for you. Give me a chance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And hell yeah. You know what I like about you is that you have the stoner vibe, but you're not like too tired or anything. You have like an inordinate amount of energy for what you're. For who you are.

[Dom LaMarca]

I drank a bang before.

[Redband]

Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. Yeah, that'll do it.

[Dom LaMarca]

That was my prep for the Day I was like, smoke half and drink a bang.

[Redband]

Wow, look at you for kill, Tony. And you're in tip top shape.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. For those of you watching smoke pot and drink a bang.

[Sal Volcano]

Some people are like a little bit put on when they come on here and then like stoner people. But you are seem very authentic with yourself. It's very endearing, that word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's true.

[Redband]

It's.

[Dom LaMarca]

I cannot believe Sad Volcano just said that to me. That's so cool, dude. I'm like, sincerely, like, I've been watching you for a while.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

See you're not invisible.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah, that's wild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's amazing. Tell us more about your life. Anything else crazy we should know about you? You're one of the best looking trans women I've ever seen.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah, Dominique I've been asked for, dude. I used to paint my nails. And like, I remember when I was doing that, like I went to the 711 I'd been going to my whole life. This guy's known me for 19 years and he's like, oh, you're a lady now. And I was like, no. Like, yeah, it was crazy. Yeah. You know who he reminds me of?

[Sal Volcano]

Remember that SNL skit with Chris Farley

[Julio]

where he's like, remember, like, it was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like two minutes ago.

[David Lucas]

He's like, like, that.

[Redband]

That was crazy.

[Ari Maddie]

That's.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

Remember that one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your love life like?

[Dom LaMarca]

It's pretty dry right now, a little hectic, but other. Yeah, I. I feel like I have a habit of dating crazy girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What was it like when you dropped off that plan B dude?

[Dom LaMarca]

Okay, so actually I was supposed to go in the store and buy it for them. And I got in the store and they were out of stock, so I had to call him and like let

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

him know that had to go to plan c. That.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah, no, 100. I was just like, hey, man, like, they're out. Like, you're screwed, but just keep being a city boy. Like hoodville for life, man. Like, yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, it sounded like he needed to hear it. Honestly, it's like, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last date you were on, what's that? Like, what's going on? On a date with Dom lamarca Doordash. The Duke of Doordash. What's that? Like? It's like in real life, it's kind

[Dom LaMarca]

of like that date from Half Bake where he's just trying to spend as little as possible. That's. That's really what it's like.

[Redband]

So like the last date you went

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on what did you do?

[Redband]

Were you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What type of thrifty maneuvers did you do?

[Dom LaMarca]

Hey, thrifting, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The what?

[Dom LaMarca]

Thrifting.

[Redband]

Thrifting. Yeah.

[Dom LaMarca]

You go to the thrift store and you go Taco Bell. You got like a little pack of Cinnabon Delights after. And then you go to Barton, but on the free side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. And did, did you end up.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

I figured out, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you end up closing with that girl? Yeah. Yeah. So what did you do? Where'd you make love to her at? In your car?

[Dom LaMarca]

No, no, in my apartment that three other dudes also live in.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many bathrooms in this four dude apartment?

[Dom LaMarca]

We all got our own bathroom.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Whoa.

[Dom LaMarca]

Do it without them.

[Julio]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing.

[Dom LaMarca]

Yeah. And unfortunately, leading on to the trans side of the things, mine is the cleanest and everyone has to use it. I'm the most feminine in the house, so.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Amazing stuff, Dom. A fantastic set. I've run out of big joke books. Esperanza, I got you. Do we have more? Okay. Yeah, they're going to hand you one when you go.

[Dom LaMarca]

Hey, thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great stuff, Dom. Very funny.

[Redband]

Dom Lamarca, ladies and gentlemen. The with his Kill Tony debut. Seven years of doing comedy and what a show. What an amazing, amazing night. There's only one way to end a show like this, ladies and gentlemen, and that is with the hall of famer with the all time record for appearances on the show. The record holder for all time interviews on the show. Some people call him the prince of the poppers, the king of cool. The vanilla gorilla, the Memphis Strangler. This is the Big Red Machine. William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen.

[William Montgomery]

Wait in red band. I'm confused. What did you call the game where you ring somebody's doorbell and run away? What did you call? Amy schumer has lost 164 pounds. In related news, the United States is experiencing a critical ozempic shortage. But seriously, the weight loss has increased her mobility, which makes her a lot harder to chase down after she steals a joke. The pharmacist asked if I was taking any other medications. Do four loco suppositories count? Whenever I think about global warming, I think about oceans rising. Like think about Epstein island and how over time more and more of it will get covered up. So we staged that intervention with my buddy and right before it started started, they mentioned he would get a sponsor. And I was like, what the hell? He gets paid. Y' all need to intervene. My ass. Okay. That's my time.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Thank you.

[Redband]

William the Red Ruckus Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Tony, do you understand what red band was. Would call the. We used to just call it Ring and Run.

[Redband]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a. Where on the east coast were you raised?

[Drew Nickens]

New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. That's crazy. Yeah, it's incredible. Ringing.

[Sal Volcano]

I've never heard of the racial element. That I've never heard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you never heard of.

[Redband]

I. I've never heard of Ring and Run.

[Dom LaMarca]

No, no.

[Unknown Panelist 1]

It's like popping soda, I think, and coke. Like people calling it the three different things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think it's like that.

[Sal Volcano]

That's a racial thing too.

[Redband]

No, no, no, no. There's no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Depends how you say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Liam, I gotta acknowledge right off the top, you know. Have you ever seen like when a scruffy dog gets a cute haircut? That's. You got a little haircut, didn't you?

[William Montgomery]

Thank you. I had to get a little puppy cut. I got a little puppy cut up at Petco petsmart.

[Drew Nickens]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You laid down on the table.

[William Montgomery]

Puppy got up at Petco petsmart, Tony. But yeah, no, I had to go to my cousin's wedding back in Memphis this past week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

And I hadn't gotten a haircut since December.

[Redband]

Wow. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So I had to do that so my parents would be happy to see me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It looks.

[William Montgomery]

It's like I get Memphis and it's wonderful, but it's like we drive back to my parents house, the first thing I see is where young Dolph got assassinated in front of the cookie store.

[Dom LaMarca]

And.

[Redband]

Yes.

[William Montgomery]

God, this is scary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great legendary young Dolph.

[William Montgomery]

I love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huge young Dolph fan.

[Redband]

Yeah, young Dolph.

[William Montgomery]

So saw where he got taken out, which is very sad. But yeah, the wedding was very nice. And my parents really like the haircut. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. It's like when a scrub.

[William Montgomery]

Why is that funny? Just get sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You got a little puppy cut.

[William Montgomery]

Puppy cut from Petco Pet Smart, Tony.

[Redband]

I love it. What else have you been up to this week, William?

[William Montgomery]

I'm up to 2 million meters on the row machine.

[Dom LaMarca]

Whoa.

[William Montgomery]

2 million.

[Redband]

2 million meters, ladies.

[William Montgomery]

2 million on the row machine. I had a horrible cyst on my face, Tony. Looked it had been there over a year and it was starting to stink.

[Redband]

Oh, God.

[William Montgomery]

Sickening. Yeah. Sometimes I'd kiss gator my little dog's stomach. And I think to myself, what a gator? Just step in or something. But it was actually my face, so it was sickening. And then the other day, this past week, some started finally leaking out of it after over a Year. And Tony, I got two little pieces of rubbing alcohol wipes. And I got up to the mirror and I push it and Tony, it was the sickest shit. It literally squirted out of my face and hit the mirror with such force it splashed onto the mirror and Tony, it was horrible because I was trying to smell it the whole time, but the alcohol wipes made it so I could only smell the alcohol, gosh darn it, but it was sickening.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is absolutely. So.

[William Montgomery]

That was exciting. That was the most exciting thing that happened to me this week other than my cousin Grace getting married.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That is amazing. Congratulations.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Shout out to Grace.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Shout out to Grace and Wesley. They're in Africa right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They went to Africa for their honeymoon.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. They're getting a divorce. Something's going to go wrong there.

[Jordan Yates]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check in with our senior African correspondent, John Dees. Dees, what do you think about white people honeymooning in Africa?

[William Montgomery]

They're going to Senegal, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Senegal?

[Julio]

That's a terrible idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Terrible idea.

[William Montgomery]

Well, they're there right now.

[Redband]

I don't know what to. Yeah, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else have you been up to this week, William? Anything exciting? Anything? Anything have you. Excited about life and inspired in any way?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Watching the Manning guy totally melt down because I grew up the giant Florida Gators fan. Just watch fucking Texas go from what, Number one preseason of fucking out of the rankings was pretty sweet, Tony, because I kind of fucking can't stand Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Redband]

Whoa.

[William Montgomery]

The Gators suck right now. And the Gators still beat Texas, so that makes Texas look worse, by the way, because Florida sucks right now. But that's how bad Texas is. That's how bad the Manning kit is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's horrible. Whoa. He's actually a huge fan of the show and a huge fan specifically of yours.

[William Montgomery]

Well, he knows I'm kidding right now. We talk on the phone. He knows I'm kidding. He knows I'm kidding. It's part of our relationship. I'm like, dude, you lost to the Gators. I'm gonna talk shit about your dumb ass. And he's like, dude, don't go too hard.

[Redband]

And I was like, dude, then some

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of your favorite football players of all time, who do you. Who are some of your favorite football players of all time in the great mind of William Montgomery? Here we go. Favorite football.

[Sal Volcano]

Hold on.

[William Montgomery]

What's Red Band doing? Why is he just making a silly little face over there? What was that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Making a face?

[William Montgomery]

Were you trying to make it so I can't remember football players names? Is that what you're trying to do?

[Redband]

Trying to throw them off with this kind of stuff.

[William Montgomery]

Why are you doing that? You're like a little child, dude. You know, I struggle with these lists. Tony gets my ass to do sometimes. Like, you're making it that much more difficult.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Funny faces.

[William Montgomery]

Do you see what I have to deal with, Tony? It's like that's why I've been struggling with the list. It's like I have to look at his stupid ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[William Montgomery]

And he looks so much like his mom. And when I'm going to pound town with his mom, by the way, your mom loves it. I've been on the road. Machine Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Name some of your favorite football players.

[William Montgomery]

Emmett Smith.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you're not that excited about Emmett. Keep naming your very favorite ones.

[William Montgomery]

Tim Tebow.

[Redband]

That's a big one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redband]

Yeah, Tim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William.

[Redband]

Thinking hard to figure out a third football player.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen. Done this.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

You got this.

[Redband]

Julio knows more. NFL great.

[William Montgomery]

Julio Jones. Oh, great wide receiver for Bama.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got this, William. Do one where you're not that excited about it so the horn players can do that funny thing where they just kind of trickle away sadly.

[William Montgomery]

Tom Brader.

[Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Name one more that you're really excited about. Who do you think the greatest football player of all time is? William. They're probably watching right now. A lot of people yelling out O.J.

[Redband]

in the audience.

[Drew Nickens]

Aaron Fernandez. There.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of people yelling out a lot of lot of names right now. William is William. Why don't you just name some of

[Redband]

your favorite types of candy or something instead?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't realize that I KN that

[Redband]

you would stall out like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's your favorite kind of candy, William.

[William Montgomery]

Starburst right now, probably.

[Julio]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What else?

[William Montgomery]

Chocolate. No, not all MMs are chocolate. Peanut butter MMs.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, what's your favorite candy? What kind of candy really gets you excited?

[William Montgomery]

Peanut butter. Snickers.

[Drew Nickens]

Toad.

[Redband]

Wow. William Montgomery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Joe.

[Redband]

Jesus. There he goes. William Montgomery. This episode brought to you by nick talk space and quote salvolcanocomedy.com for tickets. The Chicago theater, the Beacon theater in New York, the Ryman theater in Nashville. And his new podcast coming this fall is called Minouche. Keep your eyes open for that. The great South Volcano. The drawing from Ryan J. E Belt is in, and it is unbelievably cool. Gabriel Iglesias is on tour. Fluffyguy.com he's killing it. Two of the greatest guests in the history of the show. I'm so grateful you guys came thank

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

you so much for having us. So always a good time.

[Redband]

So much goddamn fun.

[Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias)]

Keep an eye on that merch. Hell yeah, keep an eye on that.

[Redband]

I want some of that black label tapatio. Thank you to everybody and everything. One more time for the best damn band in the land, Red Band.

[Drew Nickens]

Check out the Sunset Strip ATX stock secret show every Thursday.

[Redband]

Y and I'm going to the Maverick center in Salt Lake City, Utah and a couple other cool places. Kind of taking it easy for the rest of the year. But Tony hinchcliff.com still a few tickets available for New Year's Eve here in Austin, Texas, a huge annual event. This year we're at the Moody center for the first time ever. Big upgrade from our dear friends from the he Beast Center. We love you guys. Thank you so much, everybody. Have a great night.

[Julio]

Thank you.

[Redband]

Sam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin,

[Redband]

Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Redband]

Sam.