#684 - JOHN CRIST + SECRET GUEST

Summary

Kill Tony #684 – John Crist + Secret Guest (Jeremy)

Date: September 24, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe with Brian Redban
Guests: John Crist (official guest), Jeremy (surprise golden ticket winner and instant panelist)

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Overview

This wild episode of Kill Tony is packed with unpredictability, first-time stand-ups, clashing comedic styles, and off-the-rails panel banter. With headliner guest John Crist and a breakout appearance from first-time comedian Jeremy—who earns both a golden ticket and a seat at the panel—the show becomes an unpredictable mix of roasts, genuine interviews, and impromptu collaborations. New and regular comedians take the stage for their 60 seconds, followed by spirited interviews that reveal personal stories, unique oddities, and a lot of riffing.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

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1. Show Open: Panel Introductions and Banter

• Tony Hinchcliffe warms up the crowd, introduces the house band, co-host Redban, and welcomes tonight’s guest, John Crist.
• Fun with name pronunciations (“Crist, like Christ but without the H” – 03:21), and playful banter about spelling and stage personas.
• Tony teases the massive number of comedian sign-ups this week (238 in the bucket).

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2. Regular Opener: Hans Kim

• [06:14]
• Hans delivers material lampooning Chinese moon landings, drag shows, and dark jokes about molestation, keeping to his edgy, dry style.
• Interview reveals Hans’s recent move, touring stories (selling out venues with Jesse Johnson), and his frugal habits—refusing to pay a $15 cover to a bar, waiting outside for 30 minutes (“Hans, truth comes out: notorious miser. Thus, the Amazon shirt.” – 10:36).
• “I play some guitar and stuff, but I don’t want to wait, you know?” – Hans Kim [22:41]

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3. Duncan Stone Street: Seafood, Bisque, and Bedroom Bisque

• [12:59] Stand-up about loving Lizzo and Mississippi life.
• Wild “life story” interview: Delivery driver of seafood gumbos and bisques, tales about waking up with a random bag of cocaine, guitar performance using the new Kill Tony-themed guitar (25:00).
• Notable riff: “Is hers more of a bisque or a gumbo?” – Tony Hinchcliffe [21:19]
• Exchange about his one-year anniversary, girlfriend, working weird jobs, and living in Star, Mississippi.

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4. Jeremy: First Set, Fanny Pack, and Instant Legend

• [28:43] First ever stand-up set, loaded with self-deprecating jokes about “paying to lose my virginity,” juggling family dysfunction (his mom’s boyfriend Jerry), and edgy Paralympics humor.
• Tony praises it: "That has to be one of the best first time sets I've ever seen in my entire life on this show." [31:29]
• Jeremy’s Fanny Pack Game: Reveals weed, Fig Newtons, $5 from a strip club, loose Tums, floss, and other bits [33:35].
• Phone call with “Jerry” (his mom’s boyfriend) on stage becomes a roast for the ages [41:48].
  • “What’s up, little tits?” – Tony as Jerry [41:53]
• Raps live on stage and, in a rare move, is awarded a Golden Ticket AND a spot on the panel for the rest of the episode [44:49].

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5. Interview Segments and Comedian Highlights

Chris Diorio

• [47:12] Material on prom, obesity, and Bud Light controversy.
• Reveals he started for charity, is currently unemployed and supported by wife, works with charities, Air Force background.
• Tony needles out his “dark side,” connecting charity work with deeper issues.
• “What do I do? Do I start with my fingers or my head?” – Jeremy seeking dating advice [51:06]

Cam Patterson (Regular)

• [56:47] All-improv set about gayness, lesbians, and butthole jokes.
• "You gotta really be gay to like men. Cause women got assholes too." [57:10]
• Talks about accidentally cutting himself during sex, wanting to avoid conflicts with shoe shiners.

Benjamin

• [62:33] Lithuanian-American with jokes about hitchhiking in Mongolia and speaking Chinese/English.
• Reveals he runs a comedy club in Lithuania, discusses the paradoxical stats of happiness and suicide in the country [68:12], and plays a Flintstones trivia game with Jeremy.

Adam Lucky

• [70:37] Material on being an “Alpha,” menacing sexual energy, and a dark Kobe Bryant joke.
• Openly discusses past cocaine use, raising a daughter, and seven-hour porn marathons: “I finished Pornhub like six weeks ago. I got an achievement like on Xbox.” [75:09]

Noah Dasat

• [78:16] Shares a rambling, stream-of-consciousness set and interview that becomes a show centerpiece.
• Tells of living broke, fighting by the river, being an artist, squatting in a treehouse, and being arrested (found by police in a treehouse after swimming in a stranger’s pool).
• Tony: “You have me in, like, gargoyle formation right now. I’m trying to figure out this puzzle that is you.” [93:17]
• Noah: "I showed her how to build all the five platonic solids out of building blocks..." – on bonding with his daughter [100:29]

Brandon La Caruba

• [101:41] Divorce one-liners, Jewish/emo girls material.
• Reveals he manages an Office Depot, does game show hosting in Austin, and owns a rabbit (“They're like tiny dogs. They can learn tricks. They know their name.” [108:01])
• Sings “Brandy” live, shares experience (in song) and gets drawn into Family Feud riff with Jeremy.

Jenny with an Eye

• [113:37] Orlando-based Puerto Rican comic. Material on Nike, being mistaken for Mexican, and her own “toxic” identity.
• Shares that she’s in real estate, in a relationship, and likes tequila. Demonstrates a playful, sharp energy on stage.

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6. Finale: William Montgomery (Regular)

• [121:45] Delivers both bellowing and whispered bits (as his voice is failing).
• Openly discusses health issues, fear of dying, and possibly quitting yelling comedy forever: "I'm stopping. I'm not gonna scream anymore. I can't, Tony. I'm literally in horrible pain right now." [127:57]
• Touching camaraderie with John Crist (fellow Tennessean): “Could I get your number after this? I'm not even kidding…” [128:31]
• Jeremy and Tony brainstorm lip-syncing William’s classic yelling.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Tony about Jeremy’s debut:
  “That has to be one of the best first time sets I've ever seen in my entire life on this show.” [31:29]
• Hans Kim:
  “I'm a proud proprietor of Low Effort Content, LLC.” [09:27]
• On Jeremy’s fanny pack:
  “Anytime anybody wears a fanny pack, it’s called ‘What’s In That?’” – Tony Hinchcliffe [33:35]
• Noah Dasat, after a meandering life story:
  “I'm an artist. Yeah, I'm an artist… Do like, graffiti… At times I hit licks...Like, middleman, like exports, you know, West Coast to East Coast marijuana.” [82:27]
• William Montgomery’s health confession:
  “I'm stopping. I'm not gonna scream anymore. I can't, Tony. I'm literally in horrible pain right now.” [127:57]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Event | |--------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:21 | John Crist joins panel | | 06:14 | Hans Kim performs | | 12:59 | Duncan Stone Street: Lizzo/gumbo routine and guitar segment | | 28:43 | Jeremy’s first stand-up, earns golden ticket/panel spot | | 47:12 | Chris Diorio: Charity, military, personal interview | | 56:47 | Cam Patterson: improvised gay/lesbian/gender humor | | 62:33 | Benjamin: Lithuania, Flintstones trivia | | 70:37 | Adam Lucky: Alpha jokes, drugs, Pornhub | | 78:16 | Noah Dasat: Treehouse arrest, hippie chaos, platonic solids | | 101:41 | Brandon La Caruba: Divorce/bagel/Jewish girl jokes; Office Depot manager | | 113:37 | Jenny with an Eye: Puerto Rican, working in real estate, tequila | | 121:45 | William Montgomery: Failing voice, possible end to his screaming style |

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Episode Summary & Vibe

• Unfiltered Chaos: The night is shaped by the rambling, interrupted, and wildly off-topic banter, resulting in a “beautiful trainwreck,” as Tony suggests in the outro.
• Jeremy’s Arc: The surprise hero is Jeremy—his oddball, energetic presence injects chaos, heart, and a criminal amount of “what’s up” catchphrases, getting him a golden ticket and panel seat.
• Panel/Guest Chemistry: John Crist is repeatedly thrown by the show’s eccentric pace and unpredictability, unsure what’s real, what’s character: “I just—when he does S's and P's with it, I get spit on my... It’s just that maybe that's it.” [53:27]
• Honest Interviews: Tony spends extra time with offbeat interviewees (Noah, Duncan, Chris, Brandon), mining their eccentric personal stories—sometimes to comedic heights, sometimes just amazed at the train of thought.

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Takeaway

• The episode captures the spirit of Kill Tony at its most uncensored and spontaneous: comics and randoms, panelists and guests, regulars and new discoveries, all jockeying for laughs and confessions on a night that feels more hangout than showcase.
• If you haven’t listened, brace for unpredictability, long interviews, laugh-out-loud moments, and a panel driven both by comedic sharpness and genuine curiosity.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network.

[Chris Diorio]

This episode of Kill Tony and every

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliffe.com everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliffe.com if you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to Death Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Jeremy]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You made it. This is the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by DraftKings. This is Kill Tony. Hi, everybody. How about one more time for the best? Oh, this is Red Band, everyone. There he is. One more time for the best stand band in the land, huh? Come on. That's Grooveline horns, the great Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Raul Vallejo on the horns. Look who else is joining us on horns tonight. Kel, Tony legend, Jet Ski, Jesse Johnson, ladies and gentlemen. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. Over here, the great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys. And this is D Madness on the bass guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, live in the flesh, the real deal. A fantastic episode planned for y'.

[Benjamin]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's guest, it is his first time joining the show. Very, very awesome comedian. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for tonight's guest, John Crist, everybody. Come on. Hell yeah. John. Welcome, John. Have a seat. Yeah, sit there. Yeah, John. Chris. About to go on a huge tour.

[Jeremy]

Tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Build a johnchriscomedy.com it's like Christ, but without the hi, John.

[John Crist]

That's a good way to say that. I'll take it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I'm good at figuring out ways to.

[John Crist]

Without the H. Yeah, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like Hinchcliffe is H plus inch, cliff

[John Crist]

plus E. It's a haiku to start the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's 11 letters. Not easy to spell, dude.

[Jeremy]

I don't know.

[John Crist]

When I graduate high school, that's how

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I learned how to say it and spell it actually. Yeah, yeah. Red band. H plus inch, cliff plus E. There you go. The great Jet Ski Johnson also joining us again. Just a reminder, she chimes in sometimes through the show and we reward her with not only laughs but, but also a vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. You go like, you go like that. You guys do that. Do it. You guys can do better than that. Do it again. There you go. There you go. Red band. Really overpowering you guys thinking that that makes sense there. But it's okay. It's the least of our worries in this wonderful world. John, welcome to the show. We're going to be here Comedy tonight. We're going to talk to comedians. We're going to figure out makes them tick. I have 238 signups in this bucket tonight. I swear there's a lot. They're everywhere. There's so many.

[John Crist]

They almost ruined somebody's stream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. That's the end. I'll put these back in. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview and we talk to them and we figure out more about them and what they could possibly have going on in their lives or what makes them special. Every episode's totally different. Every episode is improvised. Anything can happen as we go wrangle the comedian from across the street. I'm going to introduce a regular on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, kicking off tonight's show with a brand new 60 seconds, a legend of kill, Tony, a hall of famer in Kiltoni. We are starting the show with a hall of famer. You guys met this man one week after my monumental cancellation in which my career has never been the same since May 2021. He was sleeping in his van, doing too many open mics everywhere in front of empty rooms. Now he sells out all over the world. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kim.

[Jeremy]

Hey,

[Hans Kim]

So China recently landed a rover on the moon. So now there's fentanyl there. You know doctors, they're not allowed to say anymore. They gotta go up to the mother and say, congratulations, sir, Your child is gonna Be a kill, Tony. Golden ticket winner. A lot of women love drag shows, which I think is hilarious. Drag is where men dress up and pretend to be women. Can you imagine if there was a show where a woman dressed and acted like a dude? We would beat the fuck out of her. A lot of people are worried about drag queens grooming children during story hour. I am not worried, because straight men still exist, and we're undefeated, baby. You got story hour. We got private islands and jets. We're gonna molest the shit out of your kids. All right, that's my time. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hans Kim. Dissing China right from the get.

[Hans Kim]

Anything for you, Tony. Fuck those Chinese motherfuckers.

[Jeremy]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. Hey. Whoa. Good Lord almighty. How's it going, Hans?

[Hans Kim]

I'm doing great, Tony. I'm living life. I recently moved into a beautiful new apartment. I'm really close to Brian Redban.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, my goodness. What's that like living close to Brian Redband?

[Hans Kim]

It kind of smells. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Hans Kim]

A lot of, like, fried food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's your apartment like? What's the new place like?

[Hans Kim]

It's a high rise. I got a good view of everyone working hard. Just in my apartment, writing about drag and children getting molested. Everyone else is working.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. John, you ever seen Hans Kim before?

[John Crist]

I just. In the green room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. There you go.

[John Crist]

Very attractive woman here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, he does have a hot white girlfriend.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

She's wearing a little black dress tonight. You can see a lot of her white skin, which I love.

[Jeremy]

Wow.

[John Crist]

I don't know what to do with that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's great. No, I know. He doesn't give us much to work with here. It's an incredible shirt. You have teal. There's almost a collar, but not really a collar. Where do you get something like that? Amazon.com Amazon.com not even the app, ladies and gentlemen. He goes through the safari and.

[John Crist]

And who pressed it for you?

[Hans Kim]

I actually iron all my clothes myself. Kind of runs in the family.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah,

[John Crist]

that joke deserved more than that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like that was a great. That was good. Hans is doing good. What else is going on in life? Hans, it's been a few weeks since we've seen you. Tell us more about your.

[Hans Kim]

I. I'm recently incorporated. I'm a proud proprietor of Low Effort Content, llc.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the name of your company?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Hans Kim]

A lot of podcasts and live streams, but, yeah, I recently went on tour with the great Jesse Jet Ski Johnson. We were the killers. We killed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Where'd you go what cities?

[Hans Kim]

We did Denver and Omaha and sold out. Tony, you're so amazing that you're selling out theaters when you're not even there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I completely agree. It is unbelievable what we've been able to do with our little universe. Well, I love it. Anything fun happen when you were on the road in those places?

[Hans Kim]

We went to a restaurant. They closed it out for us. David Lucas has the inside scoop. He's, you know, he's familiar with the. You know, the lower. The gang members.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of restaurant was it?

[Hans Kim]

It was like a Korean restaurant.

[Jeremy]

Ooh.

[Heidi]

Hans also took us to a gay bar, and then we. Cam and David and I paid the COVID and we're looking for him, and he was waiting outside because he didn't want to pay the covers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hans, truth comes out is a notorious miser. Very, very thrifty man. Thus the Amazon shirt. How much was that shirt on Amazon?

[Hans Kim]

This is $25.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. That's actually a lot more than I thought it would have been. Was that Easter clearance sale? Like, what was that?

[Hans Kim]

It's a pastel colors, you know.

[John Crist]

All right, that's in the headliner. I thought, Tony, doesn't he. I thought he pays the COVID for all the other.

[Heidi]

I will say Cam did pay for me and David. And I was like, you don't have to. He's like, I got you. And then. Hans, where are you? We're texting him. He's like, I'm by the entrance. And we thought he was by the. He was outside the entrance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened, Hans? What was going through your mind?

[Hans Kim]

I was standing out there. I went in, and the guy touched me.

[Jeremy]

Very weird.

[Hans Kim]

And then I went in, and they were like, it's $15. And I was like, oh, let me wait for the crew to come in. Let me make sure that they're in there. I don't want to spend money if they're not going to be in there. And then turns out they were in there the whole time. And I was just waiting outside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long were you waiting outside for?

[Hans Kim]

Probably like 30 minutes.

[Heidi]

Yeah, it was a long time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Heidi]

And I don't think it was a gay bar, but David Jolly saw everyone dancing. He was like, this is gay. We got to get out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Any bar can be a gay bar if David Jolly says so. So, Hans, when you went in the gay bar, anything cool happen in there?

[Hans Kim]

I got in and I left immediately. I really didn't get to see any gayness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, did you ask for a refund?

[Hans Kim]

I was like, hey, I gotta pay For Amazon shirts. Give me my money back. Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Hansi. Fun times. Way to get the show started. Ladies and gentlemen, a new minute from Hans Kim. Solid, solid minute. And here we go to the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where gets wild. This is where we meet somebody. Could be somebody's first time ever on stage. Could be somebody that's been doing it 20 years, hoping and waiting to get a chance to make it on this show. Could be the next star of comedy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your first bucket pool of the night. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Duncan Stone street, everybody. Here comes Duncan Stone Street.

[Duncan Stone Street]

What's going on? Y' all probably can't tell by looking at me, but I fucking love Lizzo. I do. Most of my friends, they tell me all the time, that's disgusting. You shouldn't like big girls like that. I can't believe you admit that I'm from Mississippi. We don't brag about catching the smallest fish. You know what I mean? Nobody thinks of it that way, but I do. I fucking love Lizzo. I get the same feeling seeing her as when I see, like, a fresh rotisserie chicken at 3 in the afternoon after day drinking. And I got 18 left, and you know that one you need to survive. Yeah, I love her, man. I was on her side when she got all that negative press too, you know? I don't know if y' all heard. She shoved a banana and a stripper's and tried to make one of the backup dancers eat it. Y' all hear about that? Allegedly. But I was on her side. I thought we should point out the positives, you know? At least her big ass is eating fruit now. It's the wrong lips, but it starts to start, you know? Hey, my name is Duncan Stone Street, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Duncan Stone Street]

That's my time. Thank y'.

[William Montgomery]

All.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Y' all were so kind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stone Street. Welcome, Duncan. Is this your first time on the show?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yes, sir, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're so polite. I love the sirs coming. Where are you from?

[Duncan Stone Street]

I'm from Star Mississippi Storm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Star Star Mississippi. What's Star, Mississippi known for?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Faith Hills from there, if you ever heard of her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is there a lot of people in Star, Mississippi?

[Duncan Stone Street]

No, actually, if you Google it on the Google right now, it'll tell you zero people live there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you Google it on the Google, yeah. How far are you from where Forrest Gump was raised? Not too far, I bet.

[John Crist]

Two R Star with two R's, is it, or no?

[Duncan Stone Street]

No, it's just one.

[John Crist]

One R?

[Duncan Stone Street]

No R. Two R's would be too hard for everybody to put at the end.

[Heidi]

I feel like there's a lot of Rs there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, There's also a lot of ours in duration. What do you do for work, Duncan?

[Jeremy]

Well,

[Duncan Stone Street]

this last month, man, I just been road tripping it. I went and crashed with a buddy and did comedy for like a month in Phoenix and hung out and seen what the scene was like out there and it was rad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What was rad about it out there in Phoenix, man?

[Duncan Stone Street]

It was wild. I woke up one night with a bag of cocaine.

[John Crist]

Oh.

[Duncan Stone Street]

And I don't do cocaine at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How did you know it was cocaine if you don't do it?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Well, I was at this bar and I saw this dude doing a lot of cocaine and he offered me some. And then like, we hung out. I said, no, we're shooting pool. Feuded too many drinks later, you know, you hit that point of the night where you just don't remember a lot. And then I just woke up the next day and it was in my pocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Isn't that an amazing, magical story?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah, it was a miracle, dude. I needed the money. I flipped that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you, did you sell the cocaine? How much did you sell it for?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Oh, man, my mom's watching. Going to watch this.

[Chris Diorio]

I was about to say it.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Oh.

[Duncan Stone Street]

It was enough to, you know, cover a couple tabs for the next couple nights. So I was open m. I mean, wow.

[Cam Patterson]

I didn't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not. You just sniffled after you said that.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah, I've been, I've been staying with a buddy who has a cat and I'm like, dying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what do you think really happened? Do you think your buddy slipped a bag of cocaine in your pocket? You think you had.

[John Crist]

We're not the cops.

[Jeremy]

Also, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I, I was at the bar. You with the white trash tooth fairy? That's, that's where the white trash tooth fairy lives. I woke up with a bag of cocaine under my pillow.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Right. But yeah, I don't know. Like, I thought I had gotten drug cuz I called my girl the next day. I was like, yeah, I have this whole like, block of time I don't remember. And I didn't like, have any money gone that I didn't know about or nothing. And I was like, joke's on him. I mean, he put a drug in my drink. I had a good night and I got his cocaine, you know, so fuck that guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. You said you have a girlfriend?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been with her?

[Duncan Stone Street]

October coming up will be a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And she's still in Star, Mississippi?

[Duncan Stone Street]

No, she's in. She's in Hattiesburg. It's about an hour away from Star.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. How did you meet her?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Well, she. She works at a tattoo shop that my dad used to work at and help open and. Yeah, just years ago in there. Stopping by.

[Hans Kim]

Just.

[John Crist]

What do you mean, stopping by?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Oh, well, like, I. I've had a lot of weird jobs. So, like, I travel from the top of Mississippi to the bottom, so, like, I'm always just stopping by, you know?

[Noah Dasat]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had a weird job. You had a weird job.

[Duncan Stone Street]

I've had a lot of them, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the weird job where you would go from the top to the bottom of Mississippi?

[Duncan Stone Street]

I used. I used to deliver seafood gumbos, bisques, and pies for this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, can you name all the types of seafood that you would. What types of shrimp was. Exactly. So you got barbecued shrimp. There was cocktail shrimp, brine shrimp. There was everything with. What's your. Please tell me your girlfriend's name is Jenny. I'm gonna lose my fucking mind right now. I swear. It was. I had a lot of weird jobs. I was in the military for a while. Spend some time on the base out in Phoenix. It's been a crazy life. I'm. Actually. My last name's Stonestreet. Cause my great, great, great grandfather was the first to put a stone on a street.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Had to come from somewhere, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, keep naming the seafood. What kind of seafood were you delivering?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Well, we would make, like, seafood pies. Yeah. Yeah. It's the most disgusting shit ever. You got, like, lobster bisque, crawfish bisque.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going.

[Duncan Stone Street]

You had shrimp gumbos, crawfish gumbos. You had. Man, it was just nasty, though. It had, like, a bunch of heavy cream in it. And the guy that I worked for, he. He sucked balls. I hated that guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep naming seafood.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Oh, there's king crabs bisques. You know, I said lobsters already. Lobster gumbos and bisque.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lot of bisque, mostly bisque.

[Duncan Stone Street]

It's for white people. And, you know, they just. That, you know, gumbos for poor people and bisque is for, like, rich people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[John Crist]

Insider info.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah, absolutely. And usually the poor people shit is way better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Would you sneak some gumbo sometimes? Would you th some out fuck.

[Duncan Stone Street]

That guy I would take. Yeah. One time he made me scrape all this ice off some shit, and I was so mad. So before I left, I popped all the lids on this in the freezer and left before I quit.

[John Crist]

I can't tell if this is a character or the real guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's the real guy. It's the real guy. I hated like, wow, amazing.

[John Crist]

Where was this during the one minute set? You should have talked about this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like it's.

[Duncan Stone Street]

I couldn't see food quick enough. It wouldn't. It wouldn't all fit in a minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So your one year anniversary with your girlfriend's coming up. What is her first name?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Samantha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what are you planning on getting Samantha for your one year anniversary?

[Duncan Stone Street]

I don't know. We're more of a trip couple. Like, we like to take like little weekend trips and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so where do you. Where are you thinking about taking her?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Oh, man, to the bedroom as soon as I get home first. But.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any special moves in the bedroom when you fucking forest hump?

[Duncan Stone Street]

No, not really. I just, you know. You know, you just eat it for a while and. Then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is hers more of a bisque or a gumbo?

[Duncan Stone Street]

The best bisque. The best bisque they got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Best bisque on earth. You know that's right.

[John Crist]

Definitely just an elaboration on the. On the mic to the chin.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Oh, sorry.

[John Crist]

No, it's just that maybe that's it.

[Duncan Stone Street]

It makes me more comfortable.

[John Crist]

Yeah, keep it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, put it back. No, put it back. There you go.

[Jeremy]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep it there. Keep it there for the rest.

[Adam Lucky]

More confidence.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you remove it, we're gonna super glue it to you. Last thing before I let you go. Craziest thing that you can think about. We would find intriguing about your entire life.

[Duncan Stone Street]

My entire life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, geez, we learned so much

[Duncan Stone Street]

just from your seafood chat, man. I've seen some wild. I. I grew up in a tattoo shop. My dad was a tattoo artist most of my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He passed away now.

[Duncan Stone Street]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you talking about.

[Duncan Stone Street]

He's close to it. He's got like diabetes and I bet he does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you think he got diabetes? What. What's his.

[Duncan Stone Street]

I was sitting in a chair for 20 something years doing tattoos, eating pizza and wings every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just ready, man. Sweating over here.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Well, you got the money to sit down and not do. It's nice, man. That's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Any special skills or talents?

[Duncan Stone Street]

I play a little guitar and stuff like that, but I don't want to wait, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you played guitar?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Probably at my. At the. Dude, I'm staying with's house before we left to come hang out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You played guitar today?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been playing guitar?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Well, I, I didn't start learning songs until I quit smoking weed for like a month. I thought I had like a. I thought I had like a mental block for a long time. I was like, I don't got no rhythm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you realize. Yeah, I was like, I'm just.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt, what do you think? Should we let this guy fucking. Well, I think this is an amazing opportunity because we have a brand new guest guitar. Oh, we do. We have. Yeah. Where do we get that guitar from again? This is a gift from our fan, Casey Butler. Okay. Where's it at? He's in Mississippi, I believe. Wait, what? How ironic.

[Duncan Stone Street]

That's wild. Yeah, and you better fucking tear this thing up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Started in Mississippi and it's ending up in the hands of a man from Mississippi. Is that still where you live? What the. Put that mic on your chin. The hell are you talking to?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Michael Gonzalez, Music Info, man. We got a. Oh, really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where's the guitar? Jesus Christ. My God. Can we. That's a nice guitar. Can I talk about this thing for a second? Yeah. Talk about the guitar.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Expensive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before he put a Kill Tony pick guard up here at the top. Wow. The logo is there. He put a bullet toggle switch in this thing. Whoa. He put revolver volume and tone knobs on this thing. Yeah. The barrels of a gun. Yeah, it's Kill Tony themed. It's all the way through. It's Gibson. It's bad as. I'm gonna make sure it's in tune before he plays. Oh, okay. Great. This is great. I got. I'm so glad we got this brand new Kiltoni guitar. In case of emergency sees somebody would have to play. Perfect. Time to tune. It is live, ladies and gentlemen, live. We're gonna find out which one's the more guitar player tonight, everybody. I think we know. Welcome to another episode of Mentally Guitar with Matt Muling and Duncan Stone Street. This is absolutely incredible.

[Duncan Stone Street]

I, I, I've never played with other people before, so is going to be wild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's ready to go. Captain jokes is what Matt Kning just said. All right, can we get a better system of passing this guitar perhaps? Yeah, we got to figure some kind of system out. Seven producers standing around looking at how to teleport a physical object using the force. Here we go. Okay. All right. No, this is perfect. We'll hand it the bullet. Oh, we have the guest actually as the roadie right now. This is amazing. A eight thousand dollar guitar isn't causing. Oh, it's a bullet. There's bullets on the strap too. It's absolutely incredible. Just. What is the. Is going on? This is the goddamn.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, we haven't still no producers on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we figured out a system for the. What a pile of our producers are today. I'm kidding. Don't give me a sad face, you goofballs. Oh, we. We up. There's no way you could have known. All right.

[Duncan Stone Street]

You should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, ladies and gentlemen. Boss. Okay, wait. What does he want to pick? Do you want to pick? Oh, he brought his own. I brought my own pick. I used to carry this pick in my pocket while delivering gumbos and brought my own brother. All right, let's see.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Let's do it.

[Jeremy]

Well, sure. Didn't take too long.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Woke up in the morning, she's gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen. Three chords and a shitty voice. I'm so glad we waited five minutes for that guitar to make it over too. That was an absolutely incredible performance. This is one of the worst interviews I've ever handled in my life. I take the blame completely. No, no, not you. You did great. I. I should have. I should have milked you and turned it into bisque. You know what I mean?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Hell yeah, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there's the lovely. See, this is what I'm talking about.

[Jeremy]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Heidi, everybody. Wow. And Duncan, you know what?

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even though you just talked about lizzo for your 60 seconds and I'd love to hear you talk more about you and about your life, I'm still gonna give you a big joke book. There he goes. Duncan Stone street, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we got another bucket pool. By the way, I was kidding around. How about a hand for the amazing producers here at Kill? Tony Yoni, Christy, everybody. It's amazing. With the greatest team on planet Earth. All right, your next bucket pool. I love one word names. This should be exciting. Make some noise for Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen. Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

What's up, Wakame Mothership? Make some noise if it makes the motherfucking noise. So. I can't wait to lose my virginity. The toughest part about losing your virginity is saving up all the money to pay for it. And that's what's up. I already know what flavor I'm gonna get. Too black. That's the freakiest flavor, according to Siri. Siri who? Siri who's got two thumbs and got a bad case of jungle fever? This guy. And that's what's up. All right. Austin's got a lot of homeless people. She should just stay with your mom like me. It's way cheaper. Worst part about staying with your mom, though is her fucking boyfriend Jerry. I fucking wanted to kill this fucking guy. I've legit thought of that. Here's my impression of my mom's boyfriend Jerry fucking her.

[Chris Diorio]

Oh.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I'm fucking gay. I'm gay, I'm gay, but I fucking. I fuck with. And that's what's up. I know a lot of people. I know a lot of people. I know a lot of people say, oh, you look like a guy that goes to the Paralympics just to heckle the. Just to heckle all of them. That. I mean, it'd be like, oh, I should give you a standing ovation. You can't even get up and give me one. But no, it's all good. Hey, there's so many handicap. How many, how many handicapped people? You think they're at the Paralympics? Every time I watched it, every time I watched the Paralympics, I was like, am I watching an episode of Kill Tony? And that's what's up. That's my time hardship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Thank you so much, Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable.

[Jeremy]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're welcome. You're welcome. Jeremy. Jesus. Wow. Well written. I gotta tell ya, this, this is your first time on the show, right, Jeremy?

[Jeremy]

Oh, first time doing stand up, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

That I have. I talk a lot of shit on Xbox Live, but that's not. And I feel pretty funny, but, you know, it's one of those things where you just gotta fuck. I'm sorry. I'm super fucking nervous right now. I'm so fucking nervous. Is Joe Rogan here right now? No, Joe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he's not.

[Jeremy]

Don't let him watch this. This is my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a. That has to be one of the best first time sets I've ever seen in my entire life on this show. Yeah. This is incredible. So I don't even know where to begin. Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. How old are you? Let's start there. Cause you are a deceptive figure. There's a lot going on there. You have the. The face of a man, the hair of an older man yet. It's acne.

[Jeremy]

I can tell you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can tell you a lot of acne. There's some snot out coming out of your nose.

[John Crist]

Braces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Braces. Yes, it's.

[Jeremy]

You can redband. Braces. You redband. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Wow. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Unbelievable stuff. Are you a big Joel McHale fan? Is that who that is?

[Jeremy]

Oh, fucking hu. What I fucking love. Yeah. So is Michael Gonzalez. Joel McHale. You ever watched Mac Singer or. He's on a show on Fox called Animal Control, where he's always trying to help out animals and stuff. I'm a big animal guy. And there'll be, like, a raccoon coming in. The raccoon's like. And Joel's like, I'll fucking. I'll fucking save you, man. I'll put you back with your family and. Yeah, but it's not my favorite. Naked and Afraid is my favorite show. Cause. Oh, yeah. Cause fucking free tits. Free tits. Who loves free tits? No, but it's all good. I'm 38.

[Chris Diorio]

Hey,

[John Crist]

that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Jeremy, what have you been doing with your life up until this point? What's going on over there?

[Jeremy]

I just got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you.

[John Crist]

You pulled something out of your other pocket.

[Jeremy]

Oh, it still looks cheap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's just so cute.

[Jeremy]

Well, my. I keep on my personal blinds in the fanny pack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have a segment on this show. Anytime anybody wears a fanny pack, it's called what's in that? You guys want to play a game of what's in that fanny Pack? And so I say the words, jeremy, what's in that fanny pack?

[Jeremy]

What if I was just, like, a gun? There's not. There's not. There's not. There's not. There's not. But that'd be so funny if I was like, oops, wrong night to come to the show. So it's a pretty standard fanny pack. Two pockets. I got some CBD rub on for. For your. For whatever hurts. Got myself a little Nature's Bakery. Fig bar. Raspberry. Arguably the best flavor of fig bar. I got my lucky five. I went to my first strip club two weeks ago in Austin. The Velvet. Was it the. The Rose.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red.

[John Crist]

Rose.

[Jeremy]

Red Rose. Holy. I mean, okay, I.

[Cam Patterson]

They.

[Jeremy]

I didn't get a dance, but I found a 5, and I was like. And let's just say it still smells like whatever it was. Got some floss. Got some weed, which I'm looking. Hoping to smoke with you guys after the show. I've never smoked weed either. So I told myself, if I get pulled out of the bucket, I'm getting fucking high tonight. And I'll get so high. And then my allergies are kicking in, so. Clarity. Got some loose Tums. I got some loose Tums. Cause. Cause you never know when you're gonna get fucking diarrhea. Right. Redbin. Oh, and then I got. I went to Vegas about a month ago for my buddy's bachelor party, and they already split up because he fucking. We went to this donkey show, and he didn't do anything with the donkey, but. But it was like. It just. It got. It got wild, and he's there, so they're splitting up. You can have it.

[John Crist]

Something fell.

[Adam Lucky]

Something fell.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I don't got more Tums, bitch. And then. So we stayed at Tropicana in Las Vegas, so. Oh, I thought I was about to get beat up by a blind guy. So that's it. What's up, Doc?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cherry. That might be one of my favorite cases of what's in that fanny pack that I've ever seen.

[Jeremy]

Joel McHale should host that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You really love Joel McHale.

[Jeremy]

Pretty good. He's a good actor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing stuff.

[John Crist]

Wasn't the. I thought when you go into a strip club with cash and then you give it. I wasn't. I don't think it comes back this way. Jeremy, how did you.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I found it.

[Cam Patterson]

I didn't.

[Jeremy]

There's a girl, she got up from dancing. It fell out. Fucking find her keepers. Oh, I'm not going to take a $5 bill that was in that stripper's pussy. Okay, okay,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jeremy, you're right. You're right. Talked about your mom's boyfriend.

[Jeremy]

I fucking hate this guy. His name's Jerry. So my folks split, like, when I was, like, 10, and. Thanks for bringing it up. And it was. I mean, it fucking sucked. It fucking sucked. I'm gonna be honest. It fucking sucked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what's your relationship with Jerry like?

[Jeremy]

He just stuck. He's like. He's not even. He's not a good guy. He's always like, I'm gonna fuck your mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he says that to you?

[Hans Kim]

Yes.

[Jeremy]

And I'm like, you can do it. You don't have to tell me you're gonna do it. Just do it. I know you're doing it. You're in my room while I'm sleeping doing it. I know you're doing it. Yeah, but it's really. He's just not a good guy.

[Cam Patterson]

And.

[Jeremy]

But she picks the losers, and I fucking. And I always talk shit, and he always fucking. He gets physical. He doesn't push me, but he always does this shit to fuck. He knows does that shit. And I don't know if you've ever been eating fucking your fucking cereal and somebody's like, what's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, never.

[Jeremy]

Wait a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I'm Gonna. Okay, stay with me. This no joke. I live in San Antonio. This no joke happened two weeks ago. I wake up, I go downstairs, go downstairs, right? I fucking take a shit. I go get some fucking Froot Loops. Favorite cereal. What's up? And I'm sitting down, I'm fucking playing with some Froot Loops. And he fucking. Out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Jeremy]

And I was like, fuck. And he comes downstairs and he goes, what's up, bitch? And I fucking spilled my Froot Loops. And then I bent down to pick him up and he got down on the floor and goes. Ate that shit off the floor. I was like, that's a little aggressive, Jerry. I'm just gonna go fucking back to my room. He fucking ran around the hallway and met me on the other side of the bathroom. And I. Fucking. Right at the bottom of the staircase. I open my eyes because when I'm scared, I close my eyes when I run. And I get around the. I get around the corner and I open my eyes and I go, oh, shit. And he goes, what's up? You think I was gonna fucking just disappear on you? So I fucking hate him. And he. Because I want to rap. I want to be a rapper. And he always tells me, wait, what? Okay. So I go, can I. I never. I haven't rapped live, and I haven't. So I was like, you know. And he's like, you fucking. Cause you fucking. Oh, fucking can't. You fucking can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Michael, you missed another one. Oh, fucking can't.

[Jeremy]

So he's always just so discouraging about me trying to do anything positive with my life, and so I hate him for that, too. I'm like, I'm gonna rap, and one day I'm gonna rap. Most of my raps consist of, like, you know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna kill Jerry someday, you know. Wait, hit me real quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a rap? Are you about to? Ladies and gentlemen. Rapping, calling his own shots. Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jeremy]

Yo, yo, yo. I get into bed, put my fucking therapeutic pillow on my head. I'm gonna sleep tight. I'm gonna sleep right with my night light. Psych. I'm touching my dick to your mom. Sweet tits. I'm gonna come in your cereal. Welcome to your Happy Meal. This is how we stroll. This is how we roll. Don't meet me in the streets. Arby's got the meats. If you see me naked, I'mma fuck you up. You best believe me. That's what's up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Jeremy. Jeremy, you're so in touch with the band and music. It is incredible. I wouldn't have guessed that.

[Jeremy]

She's gotta listen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

He's gotta follow the beat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, this is. I. I'm learning a lot from you here tonight, Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I hate it. I hate him. I don't know. I just wanted to be happy and he's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a phone on you? You have?

[Jeremy]

Yeah. You guys lock it up, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, of course. You're a bucket pool. You're. You're a hazard. I mean, anything could happen here. This is a real show. Yeah, but you do have your. The guy. Your mom's boyfriend's phone number, right?

[Jeremy]

Oh, I have to have it in case of emergencies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we unlock. Can we unlock Jeremy's phone? How many you think we should call the guy? That's his mom, huh? All right. Kind of a lackluster applause from the audience on that, even though. How about another hand for the lovely Heidi, huh?

[Jeremy]

Thanks, Heidi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he's got it.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I don't think this is a good idea, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're gonna put it on speakerphone after you hit it, and then you're gonna put the. Okay.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Or I could call him for real. Red band?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the phone doesn't ring when you call somebody red band. I've been meaning to tell you that for eleven and a half years, but.

[Jeremy]

Okay, I talked to him in like a week, so he's gonna be all right. Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, ladies and gentlemen. There you go.

[Jeremy]

Piece of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up, little tits?

[Duncan Stone Street]

You.

[Jeremy]

Jerry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up?

[Jeremy]

What do you want? I don't know. I'm on this show and then I should call you and say what's up?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Up?

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah, well, I already said what's up? So what else? Do you have anything new to say? I'm a. You better watch where you sleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Why? Why? You think you're gonna be able to do something about it?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I'm gonna do something about it. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you gonna.

[Jeremy]

You gonna go cry to your neighbor?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Your little.

[Jeremy]

Little 14 year old neighbor you got? He's. His name's Tanner and he's wise for his age to you. I'm sure he's. He. Dude, Karen could my mom better than you could.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, is that right? Is that right? Well, that's not what she said yesterday. That's not what she said last week.

[Jeremy]

Stop telling me that you her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, I have to. She's.

[Jeremy]

She has needs, bud. I've been telling you that you never. You'll never be My dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you keep calling me that?

[Noah Dasat]

Out of the way.

[Jeremy]

I am your dad. Your other dad doesn't. Didn't want you. I barely want you. But at least I'm here. Yeah, well, that's your opinion. I got 500 friends at the comedy mothership right now that would love to suck your. Or that would love to. Let me take that again. That would love to fucking fuck you up. Dude,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got the TV on in the background.

[Jeremy]

Do I got the TV on? No, I'm outside. I got 500 friends. You don't have 500 friends. You'll never have 500 friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We all know that.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah, we all know that. You're so. Oh, your mom. Your mom's actually calling me in the other room right now. You, Jerry. I'm kill you tonight. Wow. Sorry. I panicked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he is. Amazing. The courage that it takes. Likes to call the man who's your mother on this show is incredible.

[Jeremy]

It is what it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's what's up.

[John Crist]

Should be nicer to him if he gave you that whole outfit to wear.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, he bought me these Jordans. That was pretty sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you what, Jeremy. This is. It took a turn. An incredible set, an incredible interview.

[Jeremy]

Honored to be on the show. Thanks for having me. Mothership. You guys are unbelievable. Dude, I've been watching this show for fucking like six years. I live in San Antonio. I fucking love William. I fucking. I wrote. I thought I was gonna see Hans Kim tonight. I wrote a joke. If I saw him, I was gonna be like, hans, if you're here, who's cutting me off in traffic without signaling? I was gonna. I had a whole fucking. And I fucking didn't get to see him. But I fucking love his show and I just wanted to be fucking. I'm honored to fucking meet you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm glad that you love the show and I'm glad that you're a fan because that probably means. It probably means that what's about to happen to you is going to be a life changing moment because, Jeremy, I would like to award you a golden ticket. Everybody. Wow. And you know what else? And I've never done this before, especially for somebody who it's their first time on the show. But you know what, Jeremy, Why don't you come sit right here and join us for the rest of the show on panel.

[Jeremy]

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy has joined the show.

[Jeremy]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. A loose tum Mary gum.

[Jeremy]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come here, Jeremy. Welcome to the show. Amazing It's a big day. Wow.

[Jeremy]

What? What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you for the lime.

[Jeremy]

For the lime. Oh, it's a tome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Our fan base is so stupid. She thought it was a lime. An actual line.

[Jeremy]

She thought a tongue was a fruit, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely.

[John Crist]

It's a singular. Is a singular Tums.

[Hans Kim]

A tum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a great question.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I think more than two tums, it tums.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, wow.

[Jeremy]

Call me an uber bad gift.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How in the world. How in the world did Heidi know what Jeremy's drink is?

[Jeremy]

How do you know? Well, I have a blog www.jeremy drinks this on Mondays.com show. I bet Heidi subscribes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jeremy, we're gonna get back to this bucket with you. How about one more time for Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen? And we're here with John Crist and the panel debut of Jeremy. Your next bucket pool. We're gonna meet them all together. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Chris Diorio. Chris Diorio.

[Chris Diorio]

All right, so growing up, I had a very weird senior prom, and my date, she did not have a good night at all. Now, to be fair, she wasn't the prettiest girl in the whole world, but, man, her body still hasn't been. Hope she's doing well. Speaking of bodies, I'm feeling kind of sad because I realized recently that we could have cut the obesity epidemic in this country in half if we had just put that transgender person on a can of Mountain Dew instead. Listen, say what you want, but if we got rednecks to boycott Mountain Dew, this whole country would be a CrossFit gym within six months. All right? And listen, I never got the whole Bud Light controversy, okay? I just thought they were trying to promote safe drinking, right? Like, you go out with your boys, you drink your Bud Lights, you look down at the can, and as soon as Dylan Mulvaney looks. Time to go home, boys. Time to go home. Thank you so much. I'm Chris Diorio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris DiIorio. Pushing it to the limit there. How's it going, Chris? How are you doing?

[Chris Diorio]

Well, thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time on the show. Show, right.

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir. Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Chris Diorio]

About four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. How old are you?

[Chris Diorio]

42.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

42. What made you start at 38? That's how old Jeremy is. He just started.

[Chris Diorio]

I. Yeah. Jeremy, you humbled me out there, man. It was great for.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, thanks, brother.

[Chris Diorio]

I started for a charity. I did. I did a charity event and opened my competition for a charity event, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Shout out to them okay. And, uh, yeah, I got hooked ever since and been. Been about four years now, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I love it. Well, how do you make a living?

[Chris Diorio]

I got laid off recently, so I make a living off my wife paying for me to do things like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does your wife do?

[Chris Diorio]

She's in marketing. She's a marketing executive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what did you do before you got laid off?

[Chris Diorio]

I was in IT sales.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for fun? Any hobbies or anything like that?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, I got a ton of stuff I like to do. I travel a lot bigger than the whiskey. Big whiskey guy? Yeah. Big bourbon guy. Yeah. A lot of volunteering with charities.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you work a lot with charities?

[Chris Diorio]

I do, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your dark side? I found in my research that people that work a lot in charities tend to have like a. You know, like. Jerry Sandusky was huge into charities.

[Chris Diorio]

Oh, man. Yeah, I'm all fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris Diorio]

I'm a military veteran too. I was an air force guy, so that's probably where it all started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Chris Diorio]

And then

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

what did you do in the Air Force?

[Chris Diorio]

So it's called disaster response. Disaster preparedness. I joined right before 9 11.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, perfect. Time.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremy]

And then shout out.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, thank you.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think shout outs to 9 11. It's coming right around the corner. You have open wounds on your face, Jeremy, or open sores. This is absolutely incredible.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Covid really took a toll on everybody. I have a question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Jeremy]

So let's say I get a woman to come back to my apartment. What do I do

[Chris Diorio]

now? We're going to the super hypothetical here. We're talking things that may and probably will never happen. But theoretically, are you. I'd probably. I'd probably drug her, to be honest with you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. What would it give you?

[Jeremy]

What sort of advice do you have other than that?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you give your actual advice? Like, what would you. What do you do? What's your tricks to, you know, how do you please your wife?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, I'm funny, fortunately, so that's about all it takes. And she's got a great sense of humor, but you can't.

[Jeremy]

You can't come inside her with punch lines. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm saying, like, what do I do? Do I start with my fingers or my head? Like, what do I do?

[Chris Diorio]

I. I'd start with your personality. That's that. Yeah, yeah, start with personality. And then physically, though.

[Jeremy]

Like, what do I physically. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you physically yeah, Lower back.

[Chris Diorio]

Is that with the lower back? That's that. Yeah, the lower back is like. It's like the man's stomach. That's the key to a woman.

[Jeremy]

Push on it or what?

[Chris Diorio]

Just gently. Yeah, gently push on it. Well, push her. Yeah, push her a little bit towards the bedroom.

[Jeremy]

Oh, God. Okay.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, kind of gently. Just. She'll figure it out, what you're trying to do real quick, you know, just kind of.

[Jeremy]

Do I have to say something like,

[Chris Diorio]

hey, what's going on here?

[Jeremy]

Aren't you getting sleepy or something? Feels like it's about time to go watch some Hulu, wouldn't you say? And then just fucking push her or what?

[Chris Diorio]

I'd start with, like a. Where were you on 9 11? As you're kind of pushing your.

[Jeremy]

Okay, okay.

[Chris Diorio]

Towards the better.

[Jeremy]

So, dirty talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Chris Diorio, what's the most interesting thing about you?

[Hans Kim]

Let's see.

[Chris Diorio]

In addition to being a veteran, I'm a. I'm a certified firefighter and a Scottish lord.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're theoretically up here, you've been in the service?

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a volunteer firefighter?

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do a bunch of work with charities?

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where are the bodies hidden?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, near my high school. Near my old high school, actually. A lot of them, so. No, I'm just kidding. I'm actually. I'm a nice guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What's the meanest thing you've ever done to somebody?

[Chris Diorio]

Holy.

[Heidi]

He's, like, killed a guy a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That may not be mean.

[Chris Diorio]

Depending on the person, though, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Theoretically, yeah. You have real charity energies. I mean, it's like. Like, I can tell that you're used to making. Making people laugh that aren't used to laughing.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like you. Because the people here are used to laughing, and it's kind of like

[Chris Diorio]

they're really good at it.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Totally.

[Jeremy]

You look like you come in your socks and then you wear them.

[Chris Diorio]

Well, when you're.

[Jeremy]

Takes one to no one. Good traction and that's what's up. I'm bringing that back, too, Chris.

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you gonna say, John?

[John Crist]

Well, I just. When he. When he does, like, S's and P's with it just. I get spit on my. Yeah, it just kind of gets right here.

[Chris Diorio]

But that's how you're good with it.

[Jeremy]

Sorry, I'll turn. I'll turn this way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have the. You have a.

[Jeremy]

You're in the splash zone, bitch. You chose to come to the show. Sorry. I'll try. I'll Try to. Sorry, John. Yes, it's that one. Well, you.

[John Crist]

Well, maybe I'm good with it.

[Jeremy]

Maybe change your last name. Christ, that's really tough for me to fucking say. Maybe it could have been John Connor from Terminator. Is that the Terminator soundtrack?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

Sorry. I'm really sorry, though.

[John Crist]

Yeah, don't say sorry, though. Cause.

[Jeremy]

Okay,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I apologize.

[Jeremy]

Catch on me,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris.

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Weirdest thing in your refrigerator right now.

[Chris Diorio]

Ooh, probably some of those probiotic little

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

bottles, but they're expired. You have a big belly. What do you attribute. How do you have that?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, that's. So the way I got the Scottish Lordship was I drank enough whiskey to buy a square foot of land in Scotland.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bought a square foot of land

[Chris Diorio]

with points from drinking whiskey. And they made me a lord. Like the old Scottish way, you know, when you drank your way to the top. So that's probably where this came from. Also, my wife and I, we're hoping to have a kid soon. So this is like a pre. Sympathy belly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're about to have a kid?

[Chris Diorio]

No, we're hoping to. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been coming inside of her?

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah. When I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been. How many times have you done that?

[Jeremy]

So fucking awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many attempts?

[Chris Diorio]

You got to try it sometime, Rhodes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many. How many times have you had to guess, give or take honest answer here. How many times you've come inside of your wife trying to have a child and she hasn't gotten pregnant yet? How many times have you tried?

[Chris Diorio]

Probably about 20.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, we got. We got married kind of recently. We weren't trying for a kid till we got married. We got married on April Fool's Day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On April Fool's Day?

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got married?

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

20 times since April 1st.

[Chris Diorio]

While trying to have a baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris Diorio]

I travel a lot, and she does, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[John Crist]

This year, this April.

[Chris Diorio]

Yes, sir.

[Jeremy]

You have any names picked out for the baby?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah, Chris or Christine, probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Diorio]

Big, giant egomaniac. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris. Here's a little joke book. Thank you so much. Congratulations.

[Jeremy]

Great job, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Kill Tony debut of Chris. Thank you, everybody.

[Jeremy]

And yo, here's the tone for the road. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. I could tell he's gonna need that job. He's gonna want that. You know what? Let's get another one of our regulars up here. Here. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy a sensation. Everybody loves him. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the unstoppable Cam Patterson, everybody.

[Cam Patterson]

So writing this minute was kind of hard, and I Don't really got nothing, but I got. I don't got too much right now, but I got something in my notes that I'm trying to figure out. So if y' all can help me. I just put, you gotta really be gay to like men. Cause women got assholes, too.

[Jeremy]

I don't know where I'm going with

[Cam Patterson]

that yet, but it's pretty fucking funny, dog. Cause, like, you just wanting to go to hell, that's on you, brother. They got the same asshole.

[Jeremy]

You could have closed.

[Cam Patterson]

You could blindfold a gay nigga and show him two different assholes. He wouldn't know the difference. There'd be no way. It's like I was. When I was in. I first fucked a girl when I was 17, and she told me to fuck in her ass. And I said, no, that's gay, right? And I went to work the next day, and all my co workers was like, why you ain't do it, nigga? When you get older, you know what I'm saying? You gonna know that's not gay. I'm like, you get older, you just become gay. That's crazy, right? That's pretty fucking insane. I don't understand. I don't understand. I will tell you this, though. I'm pretty. I like lesbians. Lesbians is cool. Legend is pretty cool. Because, like, what's better than one piss it two, you know what I'm saying? That's fine. That'll work.

[Jeremy]

I'm done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jeremy]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Cam Patterson]

That'll work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Comes out, says he doesn't have it, and then has it.

[Cam Patterson]

Not really. I had the beginning of something. Everything else was just. But it's all right.

[Jeremy]

We figured it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, yeah, it's great. It worked. Worked.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam the man. Jeremy, you've seen Cam before. You're a big fan. I can tell. You can't even make eye contact with them right now. Oh, yeah.

[Jeremy]

You're so funny, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeremy]

I want to say all that right back to you, but I can't do it. But. And it doesn't have any S's in it either, so it's double. It sucks. I really want to say that word. So. But you're so funny, dude. The two. The two butthole thing. I've actually thought about that, too. Not. But I never thought about. As a joke, but as a show and.

[Brandon La Caruba]

What?

[Jeremy]

Because I'm always. I have. I always make up shows that Joe McHale could host. And whose butthole was that is?

[Cam Patterson]

Who.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who is?

[Chris Diorio]

Who is.

[Jeremy]

Remember when you said what the Joe McHale. You know who that is?

[Cam Patterson]

What he.

[Jeremy]

What'd he do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's disrespectful.

[Jeremy]

How many white people, bro? What did he do? What did. Okay, let's do Animal control. Mad Singer community.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The soup. Soup.

[Jeremy]

The soup?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The what?

[Jeremy]

The shoe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What? Hold on.

[Jeremy]

What did she go?

[John Crist]

Where'd that girl go?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Uhoh.

[Jeremy]

She went to go take it. Stay with me. That's funny. I like that.

[Cam Patterson]

That's good.

[Jeremy]

Hey, if you're here, who's gonna sell me shoe shine cleaner at the mall later?

[Cam Patterson]

Can I tell you it's a funny shoe.

[Jeremy]

Big dummy.

[Chris Diorio]

I almost.

[Cam Patterson]

I was beefing with them niggas for a long time.

[Jeremy]

The mall?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. I almost shot in one of them right when I was like. Cause like, one time they tried to clean my slides, and I was not having a good day, and I was like, fuck, nigga, I got slides on. And so I had walked away. I just wasn't having a good time, and I walked away. And I was with my scissors and shit, and I had just got a pistol for the first time, so I was ready to shoot a nigga regardless. So we in the mall, I got a tank top on. I'm having a bad day. My sisters buy shit from tomorrow. I ain't buy nothing. You know what I'm saying? So I walked back by the shoe cleaning nigga, and he go, fuck, he ain't even buy. Broke ass nigga. And I was like, I kill you. And I left them all.

[Jeremy]

Was it. Was his name Jerry by chance?

[Adam Lucky]

No.

[Cam Patterson]

We can kill that Jerry, though.

[Jeremy]

I would love to.

[Cam Patterson]

We can murder that n. Hell yeah.

[John Crist]

He carries a gun in his fanny pack.

[Cam Patterson]

No way.

[Jeremy]

He does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Tom. It's a Tom. Big difference.

[Jeremy]

It's a Tom. It's a gun for your digestive system.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You almost shot a shoe shiner before.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

That was a low moment in my life. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was black, right?

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a white shoe shiner.

[Cam Patterson]

Nah, he was black, but, you know.

[Jeremy]

K Dash, what's up?

[Cam Patterson]

I didn't want to perpetuate black on black crime on tv, though. That's why I didn't want to do it. So I tried to tell you a lie, but he was black. He was black as hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Cam Patterson]

It's pretty fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else is going on in your world? Anything else crazy, man?

[Cam Patterson]

I had cut my dick fucking other day with my bracelet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Jeremy]

That can. That's that possibility?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It could happen.

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

How did You. Why did you.

[Cam Patterson]

So I spin on my hand, and then I went like, you know what I'm saying, to go fuck. And then this shit, it just cut my dick and I was bleeding and shit.

[Jeremy]

Where I got the pussy. Supposed to be wet.

[Cam Patterson]

I mean, it supposed to be wet. Yeah, but you.

[Jeremy]

You have your hand, too.

[Cam Patterson]

A little bit of lubricant and one

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of them little extra

[Cam Patterson]

before you spit on it.

[Jeremy]

I ain't talking to you.

[Heidi]

Yeah, Jeremy only spits on it.

[Jeremy]

She started a podcast, by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, Cam, you did it again. We absolutely love you. You're the best. How loud can this place get for Cam Patterson, huh? There you go. Jeremy, sit down, sit down. You don't have to do that.

[John Crist]

I was up. Was that your first time ever being

[Jeremy]

seeing K. Patterson live?

[John Crist]

Being called the N word? Is that.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah. Well, Jerry calls me it before I go to bed sometimes, but by a real black guy. Yeah, like, that was very cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We got another bucket bowl. It's another one name, one word name just like you, Jeremy. It's like a theme. Tonight, 50% of our bucket pools have been one word names. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Benjamin, everybody. Here comes Benjamin.

[Benjamin]

All right, thank you, everyone. My name is Benjamin, and I have a very weird vacation activity. I like to get in the cars with strangers. Hitchhiking. I know you guys are looking at me. I'm thinking the same thing. I wouldn't pick me up either, but I've hitchhiked all over the world and I've seen some strange shit. Like in Mongolia, I got in a car. There was no floor, just two wooden planks. How do you design your car? Based off of the Flintstones? I would just think of the whole time. We're yabba dabba screwed. Have to think about that one. One thing I did enjoy about it, good cab workout. I also. So I also. I also speak another language. I speak Chinese. A lot of people look at me, they're like, you're American. How does that work? I only thought you spoke freedom. But I do speak Chinese. Very difficult language. Like, for example, take these two words, Kojiao. And Kojiao sounds the same.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very different.

[Benjamin]

One of them is face masks. The other one is blowjob. I was very confused at that Chinese spa. Yeah. They asked if I wanted a face mask. I pulled my pants down. No happy ending.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Benjamin. Benjamin. Benjamin. Wow. Hello, Benjamin.

[Benjamin]

Hey, what's going on? Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going? What is going on? That's a great question. So let's Talk about it. How long you been doing stand up, Benjamin?

[Benjamin]

About three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. Where at?

[Benjamin]

Lithuania.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How long have you been doing it in America?

[Benjamin]

One day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One day. So you must be funnier in Lithuanian.

[Benjamin]

Oh, yeah, Much funnier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know how to. You know how to. How. How does it do a joke in Lithuanian?

[Benjamin]

Labas manovar. This. Ben German ashes. Americus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good. Was that yabba dabba doterra?

[Jeremy]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. Incredible. You left a long pause after the Flintstones joke while people were laughing at how unbelievably stupid the joke was. Oh, yeah.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I disagree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You loved it.

[Jeremy]

I thought that was the best joke. Joke. Yabba dabba. Don't not do that joke anymore.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Thank you.

[Jeremy]

Keep doing it.

[Adam Lucky]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but don't not do that joke anymore.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I was trying to figure out how to tell him to keep doing it while also having some fun with that word.

[Benjamin]

Are you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you think about perhaps saying yabba dabba do keep doing that joke.

[Jeremy]

Not until just now.

[Hans Kim]

Tony.

[Jeremy]

Hey, what are you, a Flintstones fan?

[Benjamin]

Oh, love the Flintstones.

[Jeremy]

Who's your. Okay, little Flintstone trivia?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, this is Flintstones trivia. Here we go.

[Benjamin]

I'm probably gonna fail at this.

[Jeremy]

Well, what's up, guys? My name is Jeremy. Welcome back to do you know the Flintstones? I'm here with Vladi Divat and. Sorry, I already forgot. What was your first name again?

[Benjamin]

Benjamin.

[Jeremy]

Benjamin. Him? But he's Yugoslavian. No, Vugoslavian.

[Benjamin]

He knows.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah.

[Hans Kim]

No, they.

[Benjamin]

They asked me if I was Lithuanian. I was like, no.

[Jeremy]

Right. Let's just get. Okay, you ready to play we do know Flintstones. Okay, who is married to Wilma?

[Benjamin]

Fred.

[Jeremy]

Lucky guess. What does Fred scream every time he gets his Fruity pebble stolen? Oh, if you lose, Cam's gonna come out here and shoot you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Benjamin]

Shoot me?

[Brandon La Caruba]

No.

[Jeremy]

So have you seen Fruity Pebbles commercial?

[Benjamin]

I've seen the Fruity Pebbles commercial.

[Jeremy]

He's like, red lime, yellow, orange, lemon lime and lead. And to get to Fruity Pebbles, I gotta trick Fred. Who trying to trick Fred?

[Benjamin]

Oh, wait, Barney. Barney's trying to trick.

[Jeremy]

He got it right. Give it up for him. He got it right. Last one. You're two for two. Last one. What is the name of the bird that does the duck? That. This is the bird. What is the name of the bird? You guys seen Flintstones? So you know when they open the dishwasher and it's a fucking bird and he's like, oh, now I gotta do the dishes again. Who the fuck is that guy?

[Benjamin]

Is it the pterodactyl? I don't know.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, but what's his fucking name?

[Benjamin]

Washing man.

[Jeremy]

Who?

[Benjamin]

The washing bird. The. If I know.

[Jeremy]

Hit me with a. With a budget. Red Man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. That's a red band with a buzzer. Here you go. Not even on. There you go.

[Jeremy]

Yep. That'll have to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wrong.

[Jeremy]

His name is Allen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Should have known that.

[Benjamin]

I'm sure he made that up.

[Jeremy]

Thanks for playing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, thank you. All right, here you go. Here's a little joke book. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen. Benjamin. Going to keep this fun train moving along really good. Sure. Here you go. Here, you know what? Get back up there for a second. I have a couple more questions for you. What do you do for a living?

[Benjamin]

I actually. So I teach English and I actually run a comedy club in Lithuania.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You run a comedy club in Lithuania?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where? How long have you been in Lithuania?

[Benjamin]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you end up there?

[Benjamin]

I'm a yes man. Someone asked me if I want to live there and I said, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Someone asked you if you wanted to live in Lithuania? Who's this someone?

[Benjamin]

A good friend of mine. It's a very long story. So I was doing my master's degree in China and one of my best friends was Lithuanian there. And he said, why don't you come live in Lithuania? I'm like, all right. Didn't do any research.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how'd it go? What's.

[Jeremy]

I thought you said it was a long story.

[Benjamin]

Yeah, I was making it short for you.

[Jeremy]

Oh, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's Lithuania like? Tell us, what's different about Lithuania in America?

[Benjamin]

Well, Lithuania is a very interesting country. It's like this duality. Like, actually it recently came out. It's the top happiest country in the world for people 30 and below. And also number one in the EU for suicide.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't go to your comedy club.

[Benjamin]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's. Wait, number one for suicide.

[Benjamin]

Suicide in the eu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gary. I should have waited.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are the people that go to your comedy club. There you go. See, it's amazing.

[Benjamin]

I've been trying to reduce the numbers of suicide there through murder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh,

[Jeremy]

I have a question. Do you. Who is the, like. Who's like the fucking Dane Cook of Lithuania? Like, who's your fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pretty sure. I'm pretty sure you're looking at him, Jeremy.

[Benjamin]

It's just me and three other people.

[Jeremy]

That's it.

[John Crist]

Total comedians.

[Benjamin]

Oh, no. Lithuanian comedians is like them. But there's like, Oleg Shirai would be the olive scribe Sharia.

[Jeremy]

And he's like, the best.

[Benjamin]

I would say he's one of the best.

[Jeremy]

That's awesome. Is there, like a secret show there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like Red band has special skills or talents or hobbies or anything?

[Benjamin]

Me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yes, you. You're the one that's up there. Yeah.

[Benjamin]

I gotta make sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, there he goes, everybody. There goes Benjamin. We're gonna keep it moving along. Me. Me. That's a first in the show's history. I do believe me. He said he goes, me. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? I think I need that tonight. All right, your next comedian. We know this guy. He works here at the Mothership. A very solid local comedian. Make some noise for Adam Lucky, everybody. It's been a long time since he's been on this show. Here's the new minute from Adam Lucky.

[Adam Lucky]

I've been doing some pretty grade A Alpha. I do lay it down pretty good for a guy with resting. I will follow you home face. I will. Ladies, take that to the grave, which will be tonight if you play your cards right. I very generous lover. A lot of people tell me because a lot of times when I have sex with a woman, I let her live. And I think that's pretty badass. I like dirty. I never understood the concept of talking during sex.

[William Montgomery]

Cause a lot of times when you

[Adam Lucky]

have sex with a woman and you talk, it'll wake her up. And then it's just like, hey, boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gross.

[Adam Lucky]

Mad about that. I don't know. I guess no means no. I'm all about that. But if they can't say no, Kobe.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Am I right, guys?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's fine.

[Adam Lucky]

You can make jokes about Kobe. He wasn't as perfect as everyone thought I was. Real trick parent, real helicopter dad. That's what I am.

[Chris Diorio]

It's fine.

[Duncan Stone Street]

It's.

[Adam Lucky]

You're allowed to do it these black.

[Chris Diorio]

Okay.

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah. Is that not a minute? Oh, there it is.

[Hans Kim]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Okay. Adam. Lucky, welcome back. Adam.

[Chris Diorio]

What's up, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been a long time since you've been on this show. You've been on many times. Vulcan, here, everywhere, Right? Yeah.

[Adam Lucky]

I think four years ago was the last time. I just moved to Austin when I did it. Yeah.

[Noah Dasat]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds about right. How's life been going for you? Tell us about it.

[Adam Lucky]

I'm working here. My wife ended up getting a job being manager at the creek in the cave. So that's pretty badass too.

[Jeremy]

Okay.

[Adam Lucky]

We have a daughter and she's doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How Old's your daughter?

[Adam Lucky]

She's five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five. Incredible. So you're a father even though you look like a grandmother.

[Jeremy]

I know.

[Adam Lucky]

I thought I looked like an Adam Ray character.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's Adam Ray?

[John Crist]

It might be me.

[Adam Lucky]

Maybe it's me.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, if you were him, that'd be wild. Dude, that be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It actually is. You know how long he had to be in hair and makeup to look like you, Adam? Like that's exact.

[Jeremy]

That's exactly what I was just kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is an anime. It's. It's.

[Jeremy]

You're. We'll edit this out. So what is your. What is your favorite joke of yours? Because I really like. Your opener. Was great. Came out with good energy. You're super likable.

[Adam Lucky]

I have this one joke where I just. I name off every word that rhymes with trigger and I really think that's pretty badass.

[Noah Dasat]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's hear that. Let's go with it. Adam, how does that go?

[Adam Lucky]

I can't remember it. I haven't done it in a long time. I forgot the punchline to it. My bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

You ever seen the Flint Zone? Flintstones?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Jeremy, we can't. Flintstones. Everybody thinks that rhyme with trigger.

[John Crist]

That could be a Joel McHale show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Jeremy]

Should we call Joe McCale?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Oh, here we go. Adam, is your five year old smart?

[Adam Lucky]

I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, she's for a kid.

[Adam Lucky]

She's kind of talking sometimes.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, she talks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Shut the up. What's she talking about?

[Adam Lucky]

Nonsense. Spends 40 minutes telling me that she likes Bluey. So that's pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's Bluey?

[Adam Lucky]

It's a show that like kids and like retarded adults watch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Do you watch it?

[Adam Lucky]

I fucking love it.

[Jeremy]

Yes. What's it about?

[Adam Lucky]

It's just like deep storytelling. It's like really kind of like, you know, it's kind of hard to understand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about when you're getting away from the lady and the kid, what do you like to do other than stand up comedy? Any. Anything else?

[Adam Lucky]

Well, up until recently I was doing a lot of drugs and booze, but I've cut back on that later lately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what drugs?

[Adam Lucky]

Cocaine, a lot of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When did you stop doing cocaine? Or how often do you still do it if you do?

[Adam Lucky]

I stopped doing it. I say like two months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how often were you doing it before?

[Adam Lucky]

I'd say like a double Hans game amount.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, so what? How, if you had to guess, ballpark it.

[Adam Lucky]

I don't know, I was doing it probably like five times a Week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Damn. Off of a young comedian salary. Eat.

[Adam Lucky]

I mean. Yeah, well, you know, my wife wasn't stoked about that part. I'll be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[John Crist]

I see that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the craziest thing you've done on a night of drinking and cocaine?

[Adam Lucky]

I'm boring as hell. I just go home and jack off for seven hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, dude, that's really my favorite thing to do.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, what is? It's badass. What is? Jerking off on coke. Like, cuz I've. I've been. I've been my nuts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Jeremy]

What is it? Jerking off on coke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like.

[Chris Diorio]

Oh, it's awesome.

[Adam Lucky]

I finished Pornhub like six weeks ago. I'm done.

[Jeremy]

You shot every video?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I finished it.

[Adam Lucky]

I got an achievement like on Xbox.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's badass. Seven hours of jerking off. Well, it works.

[Adam Lucky]

It's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that how long it takes for you to come?

[Adam Lucky]

Well, no, it's just you. It's so much fun on cocaine. You don't want to stop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Especially keep coming.

[Adam Lucky]

No, no. I hold it up until like one major bust.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's incredible.

[Jeremy]

Jesus Christ. You have neighbors?

[John Crist]

Not anymore.

[Adam Lucky]

They moved. They got tired of the howling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, incredible.

[Jeremy]

I've jerked off on Diet Coke before. That's fucking pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On Diet Coke?

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Had like six Diet Cokes before I went to bed and then fucking saved it up for one big bus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anna. Unbelievable. Craziest porn you've ever seen? What are you. It's like the weirdest shit that you got into. You ever get into a weird phase with it?

[Adam Lucky]

I mean, like, not into it because I'm not fucking gay or anything, but I watched two dudes fuck each other in the ass at the same time. That was probably the craziest thing I ever saw.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Lucky]

Two dicks inside of each other's. It's a lot of bending and flexing. Impressive as hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's where I normally start base. That's just how I get hard. Okay. Yeah, that's pretty wild. That's about as gay as it gets. You said right before, you said that you watched two dudes fuck a man in the ass at the same time. You said it's like not gay.

[Adam Lucky]

I wanted to make sure. I wanted to see if I was gay or not. So I just tried everything. So I'm still. I haven't fucked a black guy yet. So that's the only thing I gotta try. Then I'll know. Then I'll know if I'm gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we got good news for you. Deep madness. We Have a beautiful woman who wants you to fuck her in the ass up here. Nice, nice long hair.

[Adam Lucky]

My pussy's in the back, though.

[Jeremy]

That's gonna be the name of your next special. My pussy's in the back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Adam, if you. Two months off the hard stuff, if you had to give some advice out there to someone, perhaps trying to get off of hard drugs, perhaps they live in the middle of nowhere, Star, Mississippi, or something like that, what would your advice be?

[John Crist]

I don't know.

[Adam Lucky]

If you got nothing going on, I would just say keep doing it. Who gives a fight?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Adam Lucky]

I have, like, a family, and I'm trying to, like, get better at comedy, so I stopped for that. But, yeah, if I live, I had nothing going on. I'd done that until I died. I think that's a good call also.

[Jeremy]

Well, you're. You're super funny, man, so don't die.

[Adam Lucky]

Well, I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best.

[Jeremy]

All right, well, die then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adam, I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Benjamin]

I love to.

[Jeremy]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's been four years. I don't think we were even giving out joke books back then. So take one of those mama jamas made by the great bonsai, who also made me this sweet, crazy ass vest. Diabolical vest. There you go. All right, back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to your next comedian, who goes by the name of Noah Dasat. Noah Dasat. Make some noise for Noah, everybody.

[Noah Dasat]

This is my joke book. I lost it recently, and a homeless man picked it up. He read it, and he made notes in it. And I saw him later, and he

[Hans Kim]

was just like, here.

[Noah Dasat]

And first thing he wrote to me is, it's okay to be white. Which I don't think he's been to Florida, and definitely not Florida prison. I remember my first day in Florida prison. They were like, hey, man, you got to stick with your race. And I looked around, and I was like, you know, my only tattoo is a star.

[Jeremy]

David.

[Noah Dasat]

And I was like, I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These people have. They all have swastika tattoos.

[Noah Dasat]

I don't know who I'm supposed to

[Cam Patterson]

hang out with,

[Noah Dasat]

but, yeah, I mean, realistically, I prefer to hang out with my black friends. So I just spend a lot of time alone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm guessing that's the end. Pulled back, looked at me. Noah Desat. Shockingly, not the worst set of the night. Welcome, Noah. What's going on, bud? Step up to that microphone, man. I feel like you have no idea where you are right now. What's going on, buddy? How are you, man?

[Noah Dasat]

Hey, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[Noah Dasat]

Nice to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, good to see you. See you. What have you been doing your whole life, man?

[Noah Dasat]

Just getting into all types of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's talk about it. How long you been doing?

[John Crist]

Stand up into it.

[Noah Dasat]

I. I haven't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your first time ever?

[Noah Dasat]

Well, it's the first time I prepared.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that was the prepared set or did you.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, yeah, that was prepared.

[Jeremy]

I would love to see you go off the cuff right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Grab the microphone and hold it in front of your face so you don't you. That completely insane lean in thing that you were about to make a habit out of. Wow. You know, it's crazy when I get an applause break from Red band. We've been doing this a long time together. It was crazy what you were doing. You don't even know that though, cuz. You don't know.

[Noah Dasat]

I have no.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude. I don't know. Dude. All right. No. What. What Delta 8 shop do you work at exactly? What do you do for work?

[Jeremy]

Work.

[Noah Dasat]

I really just wanted to work the door, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where?

[Noah Dasat]

Here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I don't even do the hiring or the firing here. I have no control whatsoever. But zero percent chance that's happening. That's not how it works. Literally, some of the funniest humans in the world work here. Well, yeah. Okay. Word. Yeah, Words. Those were words. So, Noah, what. What do you do for work now?

[Noah Dasat]

I'm trying to figure that out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're trying to figure out what you do for work now? Hold on, Jeremy, I really need to just interview this guy. Let's get into it. Stick with Noah just for a. Hold on to those thoughts, though. I don't want to. I don't want to block you, Jeremy, but I got a. There's a lot of work to be done here. This is a. ER and this guy's just split wide open. So when you say you're trying to. To figure out what do you do? You don't have a job is what you're saying.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, well,

[Jeremy]

good lord.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible.

[Noah Dasat]

A lot, bro. I didn't have. I did not have a dollar in my pocket for five months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay? Yeah, okay.

[Noah Dasat]

How?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? How? No, don't put the five away. No, Jeremy, put that five away. How did you end up broke, Noah? I've been struggling with interviews tonight, and then I come across this gold mine. I just feel like we're about to get in the Zone right now, Noah. Me, not you.

[Noah Dasat]

I'm an artist. Yeah, I'm an artist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of artist?

[Noah Dasat]

So I'll do, like, graffiti. Okay. And I just, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So the money in your life that you have made, how did you do that?

[Noah Dasat]

At times I hit licks. Hit licks?

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean exactly to you?

[Noah Dasat]

Like. Like middleman, like exports, you know, west coast to east coast marijuana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You okay?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was very close with my Delta 8 prediction.

[Hans Kim]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you trans. You have been part of transporting marijuana coast to coast?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did you drive it? I feel like you don't have a license. Do you have a driver's license?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do. Do you use it? Do you have a car?

[Noah Dasat]

I don't have a car.

[Chris Diorio]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't have a car. Right? You almost looked at me like, yeah, of course I do. But you don't. Okay, let's talk about it.

[John Crist]

We're gonna be interviewed for this netflix documentary. 100, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Noah, how old are you?

[Noah Dasat]

41.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

41 years old. Here you are. I love this. I love having all different shapes and sizes of people on. People get mad when somebody doesn't have a great set. And I continue the interview, but I think there's something behind those fucking eyes. No, I see it. I see it. There's something there. It's not funny yet, but there's something there. What makes you, in a million years, want to work the door at a place like this?

[Noah Dasat]

Oh, I'm just. Yeah, just. My life's just a pretty chaotic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it. What's the chaos in your life?

[Noah Dasat]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us a couple examples here.

[Noah Dasat]

Fighting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get into fights or there's fighting in your life?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, I've gotten into a lot of fights.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, when's the last fight you got into?

[Noah Dasat]

I've been like, just today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, tell us about today's fight.

[Jeremy]

Oh, Jeremy,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

tell us about today's fight. Fight.

[Noah Dasat]

Oh, yeah, no, there's somebody. He said he want to spar, you know, and then.

[Cam Patterson]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you? Paint the picture a little bit, Noah.

[Noah Dasat]

I'm down at the Springs. I'm down at the Barton Springs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're. You're halfway in the river. You're in the river. You're.

[Noah Dasat]

I'm by the river.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By the river.

[Jeremy]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this guy comes out of nowhere and he goes, I want to spar.

[Noah Dasat]

I know. It's. It's been the last few days. I've just been, like, kind of, like helping people train, I guess, up there, or like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, what so, yeah, see, how does that. Hold on, Joe.

[Jeremy]

If I want to spar, you'd be like, cool, meet me by the river. And then we just start shadow boxing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ask. Hold on, guys. Hold on a second. This is absolute insanity.

[William Montgomery]

And I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. This interview is just beginning.

[Jeremy]

That was like the part of Jumanji when the monkeys come out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, okay, so let me get this right. You hang out by the river. All right, all right, stop, stop, stop.

[Jeremy]

Put the game away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. Sonoa. You hang out by the river. That's kind of. Oh. First of all, how did you end up in Austin? How did. What made you come here? What made you come to Austin, Texas?

[Noah Dasat]

So I was living in Houston with a mother of my daughter, and she decided to come live in a housing project out here because it was free. And, you know, I came and I wanted to be close to my daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. How old's your daughter?

[Noah Dasat]

She's eight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight years old. Very good. There's a lot of. A lot of kids being raised by drug addicts around here. For those of you, the last comedian is a four year old, two months off of blow. What are your drugs that you do to Kill Tony? Yeah, these are the Kill Tony babies, ladies and gentlemen. Real education system here. We're gonna leave them all with Jeremy at the daycare center here soon, and that's what's up. Okay.

[Noah Dasat]

Hilarious.

[Jeremy]

So you remind me of my camp counselor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on a second. I'm still working here. I need to get information out of Noah. So what drugs have you done? What do you. What do you like?

[Noah Dasat]

Mostly just marijuana, but some psychedelics just for the medicinal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Just for the medicinal benefits. Seems like they're working pretty well.

[Noah Dasat]

Consciousness benefits?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's the. What's the biggest breakthrough that you've had consciousness wise on a psychedelic drug? You ever have a real moment, Honey bear bong?

[Noah Dasat]

Well, I took mushrooms recently. Recently. And I felt that it simultaneously brought me closer to myself and removed me from what I was. So that was pretty fantastic.

[John Crist]

Amen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. The lady that thinks that tum was a lime is agreeing with you right now in the audience. An audible. Yeah. From the exact spot that that lady was in. What are the odds? Okay.

[Jeremy]

You know, she goes to bars and she's like, yeah, can you put a tum in my voice? Vodka soda.

[Cam Patterson]

All right.

[Jeremy]

That sounded funnier in my head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Noah, you have an 8 year old. What does your baby mama do for a living?

[Noah Dasat]

She's in graduate school to be a therapist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. And who watches the kid when she's at school?

[Noah Dasat]

I don't live with her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, yeah, there. Which leads me to my question. Who takes care of the. Of your child while your baby mama is at school? It's your eight year old. The question that we're talking. Your eight year old daughter. Am I correct?

[Noah Dasat]

It's a. Yeah, a variety of people. She's very popular. Her, Her. Her Mimi, her grandma. Yeah. On both sides. Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Very good. Various. Is she Latina, your baby mama?

[Noah Dasat]

She's not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's not, no. She's still regular white girl.

[Noah Dasat]

She's pretty regular. She's off white. She's Greek. So she's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, off white. I like that. When you don't think about the answer. You're kind of funny if you try to, like, not think. You just go with your initial. Let's try that starting now in this interview. Okay. Try to, like, not be embarrassed or think of what's cool. Let's just go with your gut there, because off white. That's kind of. All right. That's what I always say. That's a bumper sticker. Make it straight to print. Thank you, Yoni. Okay, so, Noah, your next question. Without thinking of the answer. Okay, here we go. What's your love life like now?

[Noah Dasat]

I'm addicted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Addicted to sex.

[Noah Dasat]

Addicted to sluts.

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Addicted to sluts.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So take us through. I love this, by the way. I'm right about you when you don't think about it. Fucking amazing. So tell us, what's your addiction like? How does it work? Is it a daily thing or is it. Does it a lot happen by the river? Are you like, what's up, babe?

[Noah Dasat]

Well, like, I like to, like, I'm. I always just tell people, like, what up, pimp? You know, you tell that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You say that.

[Noah Dasat]

I say that to people even though I don't want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You say that to girls?

[Noah Dasat]

No, dudes. You know what I mean? Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you. You are. When you say you're into sluts, do you mean both men and women? No. Oh, just women. Okay, so here's my question. When you see a woman who appears in your mind to be slutty, what's your, like, opening line with her?

[Noah Dasat]

Oh, I don't do all that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Noah Dasat]

What I mean? That's the whole point, right?

[Jeremy]

It's like, what the are you talking about right now? I literally am trying so hard to, like, follow. But you Keep changing the topic. It's like, like if you were like a McDonald's drive thru guy and I was like, can I eat some fries? And you were like, yeah, I mean, we'll go to space eventually. I'm like, or give me the fries.

[Adam Lucky]

All right.

[Jeremy]

So how many sluts do you think about in one day? Don't even think, just answer. Like, how many sluts you thinking about right now? How many sluts?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just you, baby.

[Jeremy]

Semi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just you.

[Jeremy]

Just. Yeah, okay. Sorry, I'm not going to you.

[Noah Dasat]

I didn't know how.

[Benjamin]

Answer that.

[Jeremy]

My first time is not going to be with a guy from Salute your shorts. That's a Nickelodeon TV show. Look it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Whoa, whoa. All right, Noah. I just can't get enough of this. There's something about you. I just can't stop. So how often do you see your 8 year old?

[Noah Dasat]

I saw her on Monday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but how. This is, first of all, this is Monday. So the answer would either be a week ago or today.

[Cam Patterson]

That's true.

[Noah Dasat]

It was exactly a week ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it was exactly a week ago.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so when, if you had to guess, was the time before that? Is it like a once a week thing? Once every couple weeks?

[Noah Dasat]

It's as much as I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that? Which seems like you have a pretty wide open fucking schedule, dude. Pretty fucking open for business. Business out there teaching free sparring lessons by the river. Can't even.

[Jeremy]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I literally like, don't even need to think of jokes. I could just repeat back your answers. Okay, so how often?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying to see her, her more. It's, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does the baby mama not only let you. Sometimes.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, it could be like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It can be like that. Is it like that? Let me ask you this.

[Noah Dasat]

I want to say as much as I can. Yeah, I, I just. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you think your baby mama doesn't want you seeing the 8 year old more often? Sometimes the show's silly. Sometimes it's, you know, wild. This is like a serious cool moment. At least I think so. And I'm the creator and executive in charge.

[Noah Dasat]

She would love to have me see her more. She would love that. I think that there are times when she feels that the connection that we've made and her attachment isn't totally secure. And so in that way she would like, you know, that trust to be developed and melded together into something beautiful and. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. You said absolutely nothing there, by the way. Incredible. It was words. You're literally A male hippie. Kamala Harris. It's incredible. You answered and gave no answer at the exact same time. This is amazing. I'm so in. You have me in, like, gargoyle formation right now. I'm, like, climbing onto my chair because I'm trying to figure out this puzzle that is you. Tell us about some more of the chaos in your life. Have you been arrested before?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Rattle it off. What were you arrested for?

[Noah Dasat]

Well, the last time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last time?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, the last time. I just needed a place to live, and I was. I looked up on Zillow. Like, places that were, you know, abandoned or, like, they're being rented.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Noah Dasat]

And then I found, like, a tree house in the back of this place that had a really nice, like, pool. And I was, like, swimming in the pool in my underwear. And then somebody came on the loudspeaker, and they're like, get out of my pool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They were on a loudspeaker?

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you on drugs during this?

[Benjamin]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were in somebody's tree house?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And they come over the loud.

[Noah Dasat]

Well, no, I was in their pool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Noah Dasat]

And so they were watching me swim in the pool, and they were like, hey, get.

[Jeremy]

Get out of there.

[Noah Dasat]

And then I thought, you know, maybe they won't see me going to the treehouse. So then I was just like, in the tree house for how long? Probably like an hour or something. And then I was gonna leave, but the mosquitoes. Because the mosquitoes really bad. And I was like, this probably maybe isn't the best place to, like, squat, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[John Crist]

Because of the mosquitoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were getting bit by mosquitoes. Plus the person was literally like, please

[Jeremy]

get off my property.

[Noah Dasat]

Straight up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get out of my pool and off my property. That didn't allow speaker somehow in their backyard. And you're like, maybe that tree house. Let me go. The way your brain works is incredible. It's good to see you smiling, though, even, you know, like, this shit's crazy.

[Noah Dasat]

This is crazy.

[Adam Lucky]

That's why.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then the police show up, and they're like, get the out of the trio. Right.

[Noah Dasat]

Well, it's embarrassing, but I kind of, like, just curled up and thought maybe they, like, wouldn't see me, even though they had their lights, like, right on me. It was kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happened? Did they climb up the tree house? Did the police come up? Or did you eventually. Oh, you have a little crick in your neck.

[Jeremy]

I think you just put a curse on us, actual. You ever seen the ring when the kid's like. You're like, are you stretching your neck? She's like, something like that. Don't have bananas later.

[Duncan Stone Street]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's funny. This is the treehouse.

[Jeremy]

I would watch six seasons of you living in a treehouse with nothing to survive on but mosquitoes and your thoughts and that. And an outcast album.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how long were you in the pool for? Just give me a guess.

[Noah Dasat]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ballpark. How long were you in the pool?

[Noah Dasat]

Like, 20 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

20 minutes. And someone's like, please, get out of our pool. Right? And then you're like, there's a treehouse. I'm going to sneak up in the treehouse. How long were you in the treehouse? House. Give me a guess.

[Noah Dasat]

Like an hour.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And then all of a sudden. Did you hear alarm? First of all, red band actually brings up a great question. How many. How many times do you think you got bit by mosquitoes while in the treehouse? Just take a guess.

[Noah Dasat]

Like 30 times, probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. 30 bites. Absolutely incredible. So you've been bit by 30 mosquitoes. You're held up in the treehouse. The police come and what do they say? Come down from the tree house. What do they give us? Just give us a guess of what they said. What do you remember?

[Noah Dasat]

Why are you crouching in there? We already got the light on you, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's nighttime. Correct. Oh, yes. Okay. This isn't even how I pictured it. That's amazing. That's a huge part of the story. So they're literally shining a flashlight and you're like, they don't know, but you're in a fucking tree house. I knew that they probably knew, but

[Noah Dasat]

I thought what if on the off chance that they don't, it'd be just funny as fuck. You know what I mean? But that's just to me, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then did they go up? Did a. Yeah, yeah, they climbed.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, they climbed up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And they did more than one come up into the tree house. They're like, jesus, this fucking mosquitoes, dude. How many police officers came up into a treehouse?

[Noah Dasat]

Three or four or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four officers came up. Okay. I. I'm like. I feel like I'm losing my mind right now. It's been 20 minutes of me interviewing this guy.

[Jeremy]

Fascinating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is fascinating. I found out basically nothing. What's your next move? What do you think? How long have you been in Austin?

[Noah Dasat]

Four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, wow. And you've never had an actual job in Austin?

[Noah Dasat]

Oh, no, I have. I worked at this healing arts center for the Last few years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Healing Arts Center.

[Jeremy]

Fake place.

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah.

[Chris Diorio]

Like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

what do they do there?

[Noah Dasat]

They have all these different healing modalities, melodies, you know, people who practice yoga, who do Reiki, who do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do there?

[Noah Dasat]

So I was. I did a mural. I was a host, I was a barista, and most recently I was a non alcoholic bartender.

[Adam Lucky]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there's a lot of bugs around. Okay. All right, I'm gonna put a ribbon on this. Okay.

[Jeremy]

Can I say something?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremy]

So the last time you saw your girl was when?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Monday.

[Jeremy]

Right. And you're trying to reconnect with her, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, sir.

[Jeremy]

Like, have you ever taken her to dinner and done something nice?

[Noah Dasat]

Yeah, I would love to.

[Jeremy]

You never have.

[Noah Dasat]

No, of course I haven't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you give him money. I know what you're thinking right now.

[Jeremy]

I'm not gonna. Okay, good. No, I was just saying, do something nice sometime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Jeremy]

I'm not that fucking piece of shit, Adam Ray. I don't just give away free shit. I was saying you should maybe think about doing that. Take her to dinner, say, I don't fucking care about you. Let's get this back on track.

[Noah Dasat]

I absolutely enjoy. Like, I'm in love with every moment I'm with her and I appreciate every moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I get to do is the coolest thing that you've done for her. She's eight years old. Seems like you kind of visit and then dip. What's like, the most bonding moment?

[Noah Dasat]

I showed her how to build an icosahedron out of, like, building blocks. Like, I showed. I showed her how to build all the five platonic solids out of building blocks, which I think was pretty cool.

[Jeremy]

Yep.

[Noah Dasat]

The five regular convex polyhedra that Plato discovered in the. You know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you done mushrooms with her already?

[John Crist]

What is happening?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke, bug. Look, I fucked up. The Internet's gonna be furious at me for this. No way.

[Jeremy]

This is great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm calling it now. You don't need to say anything. I already know I fucked up.

[Chris Diorio]

I'm never listening again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After that interview, I'm done forever. Why the did that happen? It's like, why did he have that dead beat up there for 22 minutes?

[Chris Diorio]

It was Brad Pitt from True Romance and stood up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. No. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool goes. Are you guys still having fun out there? Your next comedian. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Brandon La Carruba. Brandon La Caruba. Here he is.

[Brandon La Caruba]

What's going on, everybody? I got married in November of 2021, and thank you. Divorced, April of 22. Thank you. I don't know what lived longer, our marriage or our fetuses.

[Jeremy]

It was one of.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I don't know. I don't know the answer. It was definitely one of them. I had a pretty smooth divorce, though, I gotta say. You know, Kind of got through it pretty easy. But worst part about being single, for me, I was single in my late 20s in New York, you know, Only thing to were emos, Jews, and microwaved bagels. So it's not really. I know that's what I said. That wasn't great until you get all three of those things together. An emoju with a bagel, a nice Blink180 Jew chick. I'm a big fan. You know, they. I like them. They like me. They like all the small things. They're a little naggy, though. Like, if they text you and you don't text them back immediately, they're calling you up immediately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, where are you? I'm so horny.

[Brandon La Caruba]

And I'm like, just give me the bagel.

[Jeremy]

I'm.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I'm good.

[Jeremy]

Thank you.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I'm Brandon.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Okay.

[Duncan Stone Street]

This is.

[John Crist]

This show is wild.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Sure is.

[John Crist]

I've never experienced anything like this in my life, Sean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I swear. It's never like this.

[John Crist]

Like, I don't know what's real and what's a character.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I really have no idea. I have no idea. It's not you, it's me, John.

[John Crist]

I'm not over the last guy, but here we are.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Hey. There we go. What's going on, fellas?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[John Crist]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I'm great. This is a cool night for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing standup?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Five and change.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five and change where? We're.

[Brandon La Caruba]

We're at a lot of New York. Long island, regrettably, but yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah, yeah. Just moved here about two months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been on this show before?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I have not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. So five and some change. You're doing a lot of Blink 182 material. The entire minute was Blink 182.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

They're back, though. They're back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that, like your thing? You the Blink182 guy, or. No, just this minute.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I love girls that love Blink182, so I. I tolerate Blink. A little whiny for me, but no, it's good. What are you talking about?

[Jeremy]

What's your.

[Brandon La Caruba]

What's my.

[Jeremy]

Like.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Like the Arctic Monkeys? I like anime intro songs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, Red Bands.

[Duncan Stone Street]

I know.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I knew Red Band would like that. Some Evangelion is a good way to work out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Someone wants to do the secret show this week. Brandon, let's talk about it. What do you do for work?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I. I'm a manager at a Office Depot. And I. Yeah, it brings in the money. And I. I host game shows.

[Heidi]

Imagine having to take orders from this guy.

[Jeremy]

That was. That was so mean, Jesse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry.

[Jeremy]

No, but I. But it will be funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us an example of what you sound like as a manager? Let's say Jeremy here, this sweet guy right here, was one of your employees, and he put the staplers on the wrong shelf at an office. Office Depot. And he tends to do this a lot. He should have it figured out by now. And here we go. And action.

[Jeremy]

Hey. So I got done putting all the skateboards away. I cleaned all the shit off the bathroom walls, and I gave the candy back to that. The other guy that works at Office Depot with us that you said was that he was like, I gave it back to him. So the staples are all in the right place. Face, though. I put all the tables away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You.

[Jeremy]

You're welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let him respond. Jeremy. Go ahead.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah, first I'd wipe the spit off my face, and I'd be like, I don't. I didn't understand a word you said. But there's codes. Tells you where to put the stuff. You got to put it up there, or else we got to let you go.

[Jeremy]

Well, you guys change the codes every other month, so I don't know what code is the right one. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Can you, like, text me this? Can you write this down?

[Jeremy]

I've been working here. You know my dad owns Alphativo, right? I got you fired so fast.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Get it done. Do it. I hate that job.

[Jeremy]

Do you really?

[Hans Kim]

No, it's okay.

[Brandon La Caruba]

It's okay. I like my other job more, though. I host game shows at a place in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of game shows?

[Brandon La Caruba]

It's a ripoff of Family Feud and Wheel of Fortune mostly. And we have our own names for it for copyright, but it's. It's really fun.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Love doing it. I'll plug them. Game on. Atx. Good time?

[Benjamin]

Yeah.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you a big Mark Norman fan?

[Brandon La Caruba]

He's the only famous guy I've opened for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know how I could tell?

[Brandon La Caruba]

How?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because you move, act, and react like him in every single while. Isn't that crazy that I was able to guess the one guy that you opened for?

[Noah Dasat]

Comedy.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I believe it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah. Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Right?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I Can't believe he's a man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible. Incredible. Okay. Brandon La Caruba.

[Brandon La Caruba]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last time you did series. How old's your daughter?

[Brandon La Caruba]

How old's my daughter?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. We've had a streak the last.

[Brandon La Caruba]

So it's funny you ask. I. I've been telling as a joke that I have a. I'm a single dad with a black daughter. I. I have a. I have a bunny rabbit. I don't have a daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I'm a man with a rabbit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How long have you had a rabbit for?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I've had a rabbit since I've been seven, but they only live, like, ten years, so it's been like four or five rabbits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

Wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And have you ever done hard jobs, Jeremy? I'm sorry.

[Jeremy]

You have a rabbit and you're not a magician. Awkward. What the. Man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do with this rabbit?

[Brandon La Caruba]

They're cool pets. They're like tiny dogs. They can learn tricks. They know their name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What tricks? Tricks. Does your rabbit. No.

[Brandon La Caruba]

All right. She's not good at tricks. I got her from a previous owner. Didn't teach her any tricks in those formative years, so, you know, she's not really into doing tricks. She's kind of setting her ways.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brandon La Caruba]

But, no, they're cool. They're cool pets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are there any tricks that any rabbits can possibly do?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah, you can, like, make them. Do you want to do, like, what? All right, like, you put your arm out, and they'll. They'll hop over your arm like they know.

[Jeremy]

No way. Sorry. I was expecting you to say, like, she'll fucking drive me when I'm drunk. You know, That's a cool trick. What's her name?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Her name? Lily. Cool. Yeah, no, she's cool. They don't eat carrots. Bugs Bunny made that up. Don't feed. Don't feed rabbits carrots. It gives them Bunny diabetes. It's bad for them.

[Jeremy]

Great band name.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yes.

[Jeremy]

Welcome. Bunny Diabetes.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is one of the most insane episodes of this show I've ever seen in my entire life. And I've been there for all of them. Ladies and gentlemen, there's a man that comes to every episode. He's literally not making eye contact with me or the show. He's just sitting there looking down. I just caught you, chief. Literally looking down. Like, why? What have I committed Mondays to in my life? I could have all these years. It's like literally having.

[John Crist]

What do you. So you have it. Is it Invisalign?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I have Invisalign, Yeah. And I sound like him when I don't wear him. Roasted wasn't even. I, I do, I, I talk like this without them.

[William Montgomery]

It's bad.

[Jeremy]

I wish I could afford a bitch line. I did go with the fucking low

[Brandon La Caruba]

ramp break places, you know, Smile, Direct club. I get it.

[Jeremy]

How much was the InVision line?

[Brandon La Caruba]

It's too much, man. It was like 2500 bucks. Yeah, it was worth it though. I mean, my teeth look way better, so.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much did you pay for your rabbit?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Free? I, I stole that lady from previous owner. She was, she was mistreating her and they were giving her up. So I was like, sweet, I got a new rabbit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mistreating a rabbit.

[Brandon La Caruba]

So they're not like hamsters. You gotta let them out. You gotta give them at least a room to run around. And they had them, they had them locked up in the basement, in the cage. It's not cool.

[Cam Patterson]

It's like doing that.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Imagine doing that to a dog. They're going to be pretty pent up and not happy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rabbit like cuddle with you ever or anything like.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah, I mean, she likes getting pets. She likes, you know, like hanging out and I'll scratch her head and. But that's about it. If you pick them up, they think they're gonna get eaten, you know?

[Jeremy]

Right.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Animals of prey. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. What's your love life like when you bring a girl back and she sees a fucking rabbit in a fucking cage? What does she say?

[Brandon La Caruba]

They tend to be very into it, man. Chicks love the bunny. Chicks love the bunny. And they, they just hang out with the bunny, you know, feed her treats, hop around.

[Jeremy]

I've never heard that.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Hey, man, come over and meet my rabbit. I'll show you a good time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My ex had a rabbit and there's little.

[Adam Lucky]

Everywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have little pieces of everywhere in your house?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah, no, I do. You gotta vacuum them up though. They're dry. They're like Cocoa Puffs. You gotta suck them up. You can't.

[Jeremy]

You said you love Family Feud, right? You host Family Feud.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I do, I do.

[Jeremy]

So let's play a little round. Name one. Name one thing. Name one chick that you. When she saw your rabbit. And I'll be Steve Harvey. I'll be Steve Harvey. You answer. You answer. Ready?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Sarah, who.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is an amazing Steve Harvey impression.

[Jeremy]

Okay. I've never done that Steve Harvey before. So you tell one girl. One girl?

[Brandon La Caruba]

Yeah. No, they, they again, they. It helps.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brandon, the most interesting thing about your life that's ever happened.

[Brandon La Caruba]

I went to Auschwitz once. That was pretty wacky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How was that?

[Jeremy]

Too soon?

[Brandon La Caruba]

It was a. It was a choir field trip for high school.

[Jeremy]

School?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were in the choir?

[Brandon La Caruba]

I went to college for singing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, can we hear a little bit of 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4?

[Brandon La Caruba]

You guys know Knee Socks by the Arctic Monkeys? That's lame. That's a great album. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Come on. They can do anything.

[Brandon La Caruba]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They can do anything.

[Brandon La Caruba]

How about Brandy by Looking Glass? You guys know Brandy?

[Heidi]

We'll follow you.

[Jeremy]

How about the Schindler's List theme song?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh.

[Brandon La Caruba]

There's a port on a western bay and it serves a hundred ships a day. Lonely sailors pass the time away and talk about their homes. The sailors say, Brandy, you're a fine girl.

[Jeremy]

You're a fine girl. A good wife you would be, you would be.

[Brandon La Caruba]

But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Fuck yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Brandon La Caruba. Here you go, buddy.

[Benjamin]

Coming at.

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Booyah. There he goes. All right. Your final bucket pool of the night, ladies and gentlemen. I love this name. We're gonna see what happens here. Make some noise. Your final bucket pool. It's Jenny with an eye. Jenny with an Eye, ladies and gentlemen. Here comes Jenny with an Eye live here on the show. That. Oh, she's inside. Wow. One of your very own inside. Jenny with an Eye, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Jenny, make some noise. You're here at one of the craziest episodes. Here's Jenny with an Eye.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I saw a build bo on the way over here. It had Nike slogan on it. Just do it. And I thought, that makes sense. Cuz all I picture were kids in sweatshops and their boss yelling at them, just do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just. Just fucking do it.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Oh, you sucking me dick? Yeah, I'm Puerto Rican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Represent. I'm a very white Puerto Rican, though, if you can't tell from my accent. But don't worry, I'm still toxic with bad credit and a bitchy attitude. Probably because I seen the bottom of my mom's Chancleta more than my father. But I'm tired of people always asking me, what type of Mexican are you? I given up. I'm like, I'm the lazy kind and the legal kind. This lady I worked the other day, she was like, if you're Puerto Rican, have you ever stabbed anybody? I was like, no, I never stabbed anyone today. I'm about to stop you next, bitch, if you keep talking. All right, you guys, I'm Jenny with an I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Jenny with an Eye.

[Jenny with an Eye]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on, Jenny? How Long you been doing stand up?

[Jenny with an Eye]

I'll make a year next month on my birthday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where you been doing it at?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Orlando, Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're just visiting here?

[Jenny with an Eye]

I'm visiting, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work in Orlando?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Real estate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You good at it?

[Jeremy]

It?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make good money?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, I'm here, I get to travel. It's, you know, not bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love

[Jeremy]

could be your catchphrase. That's a good way to attack. You know how like I have and that's what's up to end my jokes. Yeah, that could be. You say you're joking, you go,

[John Crist]

I like it.

[Duncan Stone Street]

Kind of fun.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't have to do it for the special.

[Jeremy]

For the special?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Are you doing special?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Jeremy]

Oh, well, not with that attitude. Yeah. You gotta believe in yourself.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah. I mean, someday. Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Could you.

[Duncan Stone Street]

What?

[Jeremy]

I'm trying to get a move out of my apartment soon to a duplex.

[Jenny with an Eye]

You want to open up for me?

[Jeremy]

Sure. Sure.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah. All right.

[Jeremy]

Are you serious?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Oh my.

[William Montgomery]

Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a crazy day for Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Don't with me right now. It's been a while. Well, where, where do you perform? In Orlando. Orlando and like the improv?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Okay.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

I mean, you're kind of scary, but. Yeah, I mean, but you're looking fun. What's your favorite thing to do if we, if we after the show, like what do you like to drink or karaoke?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah, sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you really do for fun?

[Jenny with an Eye]

I go out, I go to the gym, I travel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you go out, what do you like to do?

[Jenny with an Eye]

I drink with friends. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have a good time.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Tequila. I like tequila. I like Tito's. Yeah.

[Jeremy]

About Four Loko.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can do that.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Twisted tea or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know about Four Loko, Jeremy?

[Jeremy]

Oh, well, it's a long story, but let's just say Jerry and I, the one time we fucking had like a night out, we fucking drank a Citino 4 loco. And let's just say we. We grabbed a couple of bird scooters and let's just say we fucking went over to that guy Brandon's house and fucking taught us bunny some tricks and it rhymes with suck your dick and

[Jenny with an Eye]

hey, sounds like a good time.

[Jeremy]

Meow. And so. No, I don't know. It's too crazy though.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jeremy]

I like your jacket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks. Okay. What's your love life like? Jenny with an eye. With an eye.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I'm in a relationship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. What's Your boyfriend friend do for work?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Same thing. We met at work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's in real estate.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you guys. You really do have a catchphrase there.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you guys hook up on a work site?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Explain to us how that happened.

[Jenny with an Eye]

You know, I was slacking on my sales, and he kind of helped me, and it's been love ever since.

[Jeremy]

I mean, I feel like I've seen this video, you know? I mean, and you're looking oddly familiar.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Pornhub.

[Jeremy]

Wait, so, question. As a guy who hasn't done it yet, what did your guy do that made you go like, okay, you can do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, what do you start with?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Well, he has a big. You know.

[John Crist]

Whoa.

[Jeremy]

No, I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huge. Whatever you just did with your hands.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, that was that big.

[Jenny with an Eye]

He's Puerto Rican.

[Benjamin]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Oh, this guy's. Oh, that is a huge. This guy's waving his deck. Represent.

[Jeremy]

That was his talk talking, not the guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does 1% mean?

[Jenny with an Eye]

1%?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jenny with an Eye]

What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you just say 1%?

[Jenny with an Eye]

No, I said represent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. I couldn't hear you through your very thick Puerto Rican accent. Okay. Very proud people indeed. What's your favorite thing about being Puerto Rican?

[Jenny with an Eye]

The food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What are the famous foods of the Puerto Rican culture?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Rice and beans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Mexican food. Huh? La cucaracha.

[Jenny with an Eye]

La cucaracha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

La puposa. No, Gordo chicas.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Banner, Senior Puerto Rican food correspondent.

[Brandon La Caruba]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never heard you speak another language before.

[Jeremy]

Whoa. Red man living la vida loco over here, huh?

[Jenny with an Eye]

That's all his pornhub searches.

[Hans Kim]

Wow.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Tony, see the size of that. Size of that ring she's wearing?

[Noah Dasat]

Huh?

[John Crist]

The size of that ring she's wearing is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me see. Where's the ring?

[Cam Patterson]

Bling.

[Jeremy]

Bling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Look at that. You are Puerto Rico. You've invested all of your money into something.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I'm not pregnant, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Jeremy]

Are you guys trying. You guys trying to have a kid?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Nah.

[Jeremy]

Why not?

[Jenny with an Eye]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because he pulls out is. By the reaction. He's not really giving you a choice.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Nah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He pulls out and shoots it all over the homeowner's manual. That's in the.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I have an IUD because, you know, Puerto Rican, Latina women, you know, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Jenny with an Eye]

I gotta have that, you know, baby kill killer thing, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Jeremy]

What's an iud? Is that like an iou?

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Jeremy]

I'm serious. I don't know what that is.

[Jenny with an Eye]

It's a thing that they put up inside a woman's vagina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Why to that way you don't have kids or you don't get pregnant. It's like birth control.

[Jeremy]

So when the jizz comes up, it just. It's like, get out of here.

[Jenny with an Eye]

Yeah, just like.

[Jeremy]

I don't want no jizz. That's why I got an IUD up inside me hanging out the passenger side. I don't know the rest after that, but hey, that's fucking cool. Well, that's what's up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jenny with an I. I like your style. I'm giving you a medium sized joke book. There she goes. Jenny with an I. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we've come to that point of the show in which there's simply nowhere else to go other than the hall of famer, the record holder for all time interviews, appearances on this show. All time. New minutes. I present to you the Virginia ham. The Toledo track star. The Memphis strangler. The vanilla gorilla. The. This is indeed the Big Red machine. William Montgomery, everybody.

[William Montgomery]

Last week in North Korea, flooding killed 4,000. Kim Jong Un reacted to the floods by executing 30 government officials. Apparently, Kim Jong Un was pissed that he wasn't the one who killed the 4,000 people. Am I a bad person for not watching the Paralympics?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

That wasn't even really a joke. Okay. I remember when my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother and the rumor around town was that it wasn't actually hers. See, normally you would say like his. Okay, let's keep this moving. I was up in Minnesota this weekend, and I've got to say, I'm so impressed with Kamala Harris, running mate and current governor of Minnesota, Tim Waltz. The guy is my hero. It's insane. He not only took out a Nazi bunker by himself during World War II, but he's also taken the Minnesota Vikings to three straight Super bowl wins. So I love Tim Walls. That is my time. Tony Hinchcliffe. Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you roll your eyes like that, William?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. My throat is killing me, Tony. At the end of my final set at the Mall of America this past weekend, all the shows were great, but I was tasting a lot of blood in my mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So why do you think that was from yelling?

[William Montgomery]

I think I was literally tasting blood, so I might need to go to the doctor or something. My throat literally feels like strep throat right now. It's really a nightmare. I was not in the best mood today.

[Jeremy]

I've googled it. You can drink your own Blood. It's fine. I cut myself from eating stuff all the time and just drink the bread.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't want to be in between this. Willie. I'm an electric star of the show. Very interesting that this throat thing, blood in the mouth, that this is all happening because you've been screaming, famously screaming, for longer than anybody, over half a decade here live on this show weekly.

[William Montgomery]

Why it has, Tony, I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your health is giving out now.

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. I mean, I've been kind of. I have my. I'm off of the stimulants. I haven't been taking my Adderall recently, which is a good thing, but I'm still not hungry. I haven't been as hungry recently. I think I probably have cancer or something. I think I'm probably. I'll find out soon. I'm dying is my only thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been to a doctor lately?

[William Montgomery]

I've not been to a doctor other than a dermatologist in years. Since the. Since the Armenian women in Glen Green. I can't remember where it was. Somewhere in la.

[Jeremy]

You want to set?

[John Crist]

Glendale?

[Adam Lucky]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is this?

[Jeremy]

Lime.

[John Crist]

Just take it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Tom.

[William Montgomery]

But yet, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

It's very disconcerting. I think it's all of the.

[Adam Lucky]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

It's the longer shows. Yelling. I'm yelling too much, Tony. I know people hate it, but I have fun doing it. It seems like people have a good time, but I'm going to have to do something. Something different. Something's got to change, Tony. I mean, it's turning into a nightmare.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are some options?

[Jeremy]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe sort of more jokes. Like, kind of like talking like this. Maybe just maybe. Maybe more kind of low. And then it really won't hurt my voice if I just kind of talk. Do you like. Do you like that, John? When I kind of talk like that, do you think that's kind of funny?

[John Crist]

I'm into it.

[William Montgomery]

Cool.

[John Crist]

I like most of the. I feel like the ailments you have are internal because I'm. You look great.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you. You look great, too. What is that accent? Are you from Tennessee?

[Noah Dasat]

I am.

[William Montgomery]

I'm from Tennessee as well.

[John Crist]

Really?

[William Montgomery]

Where are you from?

[John Crist]

Nashville. I live in Nashville.

[William Montgomery]

I'm from Memphis.

[John Crist]

Let's go. Let's be friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool.

[William Montgomery]

Sounds good. Nice to meet you.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I didn't know what you were gonna say.

[Jeremy]

You guys gonna fuck? What's going on right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta tell you, I've Never seen William warm up to anybody like this.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's wonderful. I love a fellow fellow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tennessee. And.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, I'm sorry I dropped it.

[Jeremy]

Well, been there before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just. Just guessing here. We'll see.

[William Montgomery]

You're gonna make me eat this. And it had fallen on the ground before.

[Jeremy]

Do whatever you want. Oh, William. Has anyone ever told you you look like carrot tops floor after he shaved his balls? It's a compliment.

[William Montgomery]

I love Carrot Top.

[Jeremy]

I love Carrot Top.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

One of my. My favorite comedians, Carrot Top, David Lucas and Seinfeld.

[William Montgomery]

I love that last.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's quite the. That's quite the list you have there. Carrot Top, not in that order. David Lucas and Seinfeld.

[Jeremy]

Yep, that's my dream show. Open for those three. Same show for one of those charities the first guy was talking about. I love the small. The quiet joke thing, William, with like some sweet music underneath it, like some drums, something.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe just some music like that.

[Jeremy]

I would listen to a whole album of you doing that. Oh, yeah, we do a joke with that.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Well, thank you all so much for being here. Austin, Texas. It is really a nice time. I've actually been having a pretty rough go of it recently. I think I have some sort of cancer in my tummy, but it's making it so I'm not really hungry. So I am losing weight, so that kind of helps because sometimes I. I see these fat asses walking on the street and I just think, what is their fucking issue? It's like, is it a gland problem? Is it a self control problem? It's just these fat, nasty people I see and I just want to fucking shoot them with the gun that I have. But yeah, it's so nice to be here, Austin. I'm hoping I can be around for a little longer, but I really haven't been feeling good recently, so. But it seems like John and I are maybe some buddies, so maybe you

[John Crist]

inch it a little close, bud.

[William Montgomery]

Band, help me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think though, you know, I'm. I'm just trying to take it all in here. And the thing that stands out to me is you. You know, the kill Tony fan base. I think the thing that's gonna stand out to the universe that listens to us, you every single week is this not screaming thing. Have we.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, they're gonna have to get used to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have. You have stopped.

[William Montgomery]

I'm stopping. I'm not gonna scream anymore. I can't, Tony. I'm literally in horrible pain right now. I was scared to come up here tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was scared to death.

[William Montgomery]

I Haven't gotten strep throat in many years. I got my tonsils taken out with my brother Vance. Yeah, it's not good. So I just can't yell anymore. So we're gonna go quiet. And if it doesn't work quiet, I'm gonna move back home to Memphis and just quit doing comedy.

[Jeremy]

I'm like.

[William Montgomery]

I'm getting to the part where I'm getting sick of this and I'm gonna.

[John Crist]

You gotta keep going.

[William Montgomery]

Really?

[John Crist]

You gotta keep going.

[William Montgomery]

Do you ever go through times like that, John, where you don't want to keep on doing it?

[Duncan Stone Street]

What.

[William Montgomery]

What helps you make it through?

[John Crist]

I reach out to my friends.

[Chris Diorio]

Really?

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Could I get your number after this? I'm not even kidding. Could I? Because I really need somebody like you right now. Okay.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Well, no, I was kidding. I thought you were.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

You can't say it right in front of everybody, but yeah. Tony.

[Jeremy]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

I'm going to have to. We're going to have to see, I'm going to have to evolve. I'm going to have to change everything up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when it comes to screaming, you have stopped.

[Jeremy]

I'm done.

[John Crist]

Heard it here.

[William Montgomery]

I'm finished screaming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, completely stopped.

[William Montgomery]

It's done. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, D Madness says he doesn't believe you. What do you have to say to D? Look D in the eyes and tell

[Duncan Stone Street]

him,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

oh, look D in the eyelids. Look D in the eyelids.

[Jeremy]

You missed it earlier when William was getting really, really honest. D Madness goes, I can see. I can see the darkness. So funny.

[William Montgomery]

But yeah. Tony. So we'll see. Oh, excuse me. D Man as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But that's okay.

[Heidi]

We'll see.

[William Montgomery]

But yeah, so we'll see. Tony.

[Adam Lucky]

I don't know.

[John Crist]

It might be bubbling up. I feel like the yelling is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could. I could just do sound bits of everything.

[Noah Dasat]

He says.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we're going to need sound effects of him back in the day when he was in his prime, yelling.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So I'm going to get on that red band. Get on that. Will you be able to help me with that?

[Chris Diorio]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I don't know if you have any idea how fast red band moves, but it's. Yeah, it's going to take a couple weeks. He's got to do about 425 hours of VR and then he's gonna get around to it. We'll circle around.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

Thanks, man. Yeah, you could get audio sound bites and play them and you could, like, lip sync to them.

[William Montgomery]

You know, that's a really great Idea. Maybe I can do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, like, singers do that, right? Singers do that. Their song. So you could do that for your jokes.

[William Montgomery]

You could do that.

[Jeremy]

But, like, here, I'll do it for you, right? Let's do like. I'll lip sync to you, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Hey, how's it going?

[Jeremy]

No, wait, no. So you don't. So you. You don't talk, but you move your mouth like a marionette and I'll do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like.

[Jeremy]

I could be backstage for you. Ready?

[William Montgomery]

Let's do it.

[Jeremy]

Hi, guys. So lately I've been going through a tough time. I know I look like Ronald McDonald if his. If cocaine was his happy Meal dam, but that's just because I'm having a fucking rough quake. I fucking look like Sasquatch. Fuck the Chucky doll. I look like fucking Casey Rockett's dad. I look like if I shave my beard, there's just a sign that says, yeah, I got hpv.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You tricked me.

[Jeremy]

What? You tricked me. And I never take a shit off. All right,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that's this episode of Kill Tony brought to you by DraftKings. Everyone's gonna get a refund at the door. Underweb. The drawing from Ryan. Jiggy belt is in. The drawing from Chris Rogers is right over there. Let's see what he got today. Ooh, Ari. Matty.

[Jeremy]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari had the night off tonight, but that's beautiful. How about another hand for the best in the land? Make some noise for the debut of Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen. Jeremy, what do you want to plug tonight? Plug something. Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Oh, so you guys can find me on tiktokswhatsup. But I'm a real big fan of his comedian Adam Ray. And he's got these Dr. Phil live shows in theaters, big tour starting to adamraycomy.com and he's got a fully improvised show. Live Stream. Stream. October 30th. Buy your tickets at Adamray Live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about one more time for the kill Tony debut of John Crist, everybody. Huge tour [e-mail] is podcast net positive. Thank you, John.

[John Crist]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One more time for John and Jeremy, everybody. Thank you to Trap Kings Red band.

[Jeremy]

Thank you guys so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love you all. We love you. Thank you. Good night. Everybody ready? Sa.