#750 - LANCE ARMSTRONG + TIM BUTTERLY + MATT MCCUSKER

Summary

Kill Tony #750 - Summary

Guests: Lance Armstrong, Tim Butterly, Matt McCusker
Date: December 30, 2025
Venue: The Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe
Co-host: Brian Redban

Episode Overview

Episode #750 of Kill Tony is a riotous showcase of live, on-the-spot standup with comedians and characters drawn from the audience "bucket," plus drop-in sets from legendary comics. This special edition features cycling icon Lance Armstrong alongside comedians Tim Butterly and Matt McCusker on the panel. The crew welcomes local regulars and bucket comedians, accompanied by irreverent banter, crowd work, and recurring themes of family drama, tragicomic backstories, and crude medical discussions. Surprise appearances by Ron White and Pauly Shore add to the chaotic, celebratory atmosphere of the year-end show.

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Panel & Guests Introduction (02:23)

• Tony introduces the night’s special panel:
  • “Two of the best comedians in the world and one of the greatest athletes of all time… Lance Armstrong, Matt McCusker and Tim Butterly.” (02:35)
  • Shoutouts to panelists’ projects:
    • Matt McCusker’s Netflix special “Humble Offerings”; Tim Butterly’s “The Algonauts”; Tony jokes about golfing with Lance in Austin.
  • Memorable: “Holy shit. That's fucking Lance Armstrong... That's a fucking panel if I've ever seen one before.” (02:40)

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Standout Moments & Key Segments

1. Opening Set: Aya (05:40)

• Minute-long set:

  • Jokes on selling edibles, lucid dreaming, low standards for men and her friend keeping the Plan B box “to show the kid.”
  • Quote: “If a guy bought me a plan B, I'd be like, damn, you would make an amazing provider... I wouldn't even take the plan B. I would just keep the box to show my kid. That's how I knew he was the one.” (05:28)

• Post-set Interview:

  • Haircut adventure in NYC, considering her sexuality, and an Uzbek barber’s theory on “women's natural urge to be a bitch.” (08:00–09:30)
  • Booked for a “secret show.” (10:22)

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2. Remy Swiss (11:01)

• Jokes about being a “Southern Arab from Oklahoma” and majoring in “Milli Vanilli Facebook groups”.
• Crowd/panel riff on being Brown in Oklahoma post-9/11, acting Spanish to avoid suspicion.
• Quote: “Have you ever thought about joining a terrorist organization?” – Tony
  “Start my own.” – Remy (14:11)
• Millie Vanilli fan group anecdote—conflict with the dead member’s sister. (17:12)
• Memorable: “The guy that killed himself, his sister joined the group... tried to run it, and I was like, get the fuck out of here.” (17:21)

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3. Lino Rodriguez (19:20)

• Bit about being flashed by a homeless man, “club foot Puerto Rican from Mississippi.”
• Family backstory: father murdered with a baseball bat before Lino’s birth, mother handled single parenthood. (22:59)
• Quote: “My dad got murdered... while I was in the womb.” (23:37)

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4. Johansen (25:13)

• Growing up poor: left-over Hamburger Helper, father’s DIY euthanasia for the family dog.
• Wife is a doctor (internal medicine residency), plans to be a “gold digger” once she finishes. (26:47)
• Quote: “Five years retirement. I'm out of a job in five years.” (26:50)
• Honest discussion of balancing wife’s difficult job, “help desk” IT jobs, and their future. (28:12)

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5. Sir Winston Pickles (31:27)

• Signature dark clown persona; absurd one-liners about hitting a “dear old lady,” Christmas, luminol for bloodstains, and drag racing.
• Quote: “I was driving last night and I accidentally hit a deer. A dear old lady… She shouldn’t have to look left or right in her own kitchen.” (31:29)
• Living life in clown makeup, DoorDash in costume, and reactions from the public. (35:10–36:14)

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6. Taylor Farrer (37:16)

• Early political slogan jokes (Obama/Trump/Kamala/RFK) get mild reaction.
• Medical discussion on vasectomies, squirt (“is it piss?”) and sexual advice from the panel, especially from Lance Armstrong. (40:45)
• Quote: “When you get a vasectomy… you just continue making jizz goes out the open tube, and then your body just reabsorbs it.” (37:57)
• MIami ER physician assistant, married co-worker, candid answers about pull-out method and married life in MIami. (44:07)

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7. Michael Moses (45:51)

• Polished Canadian comic, biracial upbringing, white mom, black father (deceased in a robbery gone wrong). (48:55)
• Discusses social media project: ordering the same meal at restaurants until they recognize him – has gone viral.
• Recently engaged to a white woman, baby due in February.
• Quote: “I'm getting 50 million views on video... it's wholesome, I get to know a stranger, at the end we just raise money for them.” (52:00)

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8. Dedrick Flynn (55:00)

• Atlanta regular tells a heartfelt, funny Christmas theft story.
• Quote: “Santa ain't real. And that kind of took the Christmas love out of my heart… but my uncle Chris came in… with presents from somebody else's house.” (55:20)
• Banter about being clever “bad kid,” slingshot demonstration, and upcoming shows. (58:24)

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9. Lorenzo Tyree (62:06)

• Jokes about growing up poor, using grocery bags as trash bags, and family—father deported for scams, mother on drugs.
• Quote: “My dad actually died this year… pneumonia. What crime was he committing when the pneumonia got to him?” (64:13)
• Gives haircuts to homeless for content; works at a hemp shop. (67:29)

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10. Buffy (72:26)

• Slow-building, meandering delivery; jokes about dating, “Whoville” comparisons.
• Live breathalyzer: 0.15, panel riffs on her drunken performance, previous DUI, and her stunt driver work.
• Quote: “I'm a stunt driver… I saved up money to be here.” (79:15)

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11. Drop-Ins: Ron White and Pauly Shore

• Ron White (83:43–85:59):
  • Legendary comic pops in; classic bits on Kansas and California genetics. “Kansas is full of ugly quitters…” (84:12)
• Pauly Shore (86:46–88:29):
  • Drug humor about doing acid in a driverless car; playful roast of Charlie Sheen’s sobriety. “I did acid recently—anyone else?... After that, I give myself two stars.” (87:16)

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12. Liv Taylor (89:49)

• Subway jokes; tragicomic history (mother killed in car accident, widow from husband’s car accident).
• Veterinary tech, animal ER anecdotes, high suicide rates in her profession.
• Quote: “Human medicine and veterinary medicine don’t work the same… it’s very costly… people can’t afford it.” (93:10)
• Segues into anatomical oddities: dog’s clitoris and other veterinary trivia. (96:09–98:16)

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13. Ian Sharp (99:33)

• Edgy “free speech” set, riff on things you “can’t say” (Arnold Palmer punchline).
• 14-year comedy vet from Chattanooga, now in Austin. IT job, DnD/miniature hobbyist; honest about lack of dating and sexual success.
• Quote: “This is like my life… begging people to kiss me.” (104:52)
• Reveals former life as Christian metal vocalist—does a metal scream for the crowd. (106:14)

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14. William Montgomery (107:39) – The Closer

• Host Tony introduces him as the “record-holder for all time appearances” and “memphis strangler.”
• Timeless, absurd one-liners—Beethoven’s fifth is his “sell-out” symphony, Oklahoma hitchhiker signs, “Cliff notes” for Jesus’s Sermon.
• Quote: “Beethoven’s fifth Symphony is when he really sold out. His first EP, though…” (108:18)
• Banter with Lance Armstrong about bicycling fandom, Redban’s electric bike, comic roasting among regulars.

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Highlights & Notable Quotes

• Tony Hinchcliffe:
  “We meet people—all together—could be a completely crazy person. Could be an old person, could be a young person, could be white, could be super black, could be brown, could be Asian. Anything can happen. The whole thing's improvised.” (10:30)
• Lance Armstrong on being recognized:
  “So they really don't know what's happening when they come out?” (15:06)
• Dedrick Flynn, Christmas story:
  “Grandma, Santa's coming. She said, 'Nigga, Santa ain't real.'” (55:24)
• Pauly Shore:
  “I did acid recently. Anyone else do acid? The thing is don't do it at the fucking Sphere in Las Vegas. That's fucking gay.” (86:46)
• Michael Moses on his viral videos:
  “The concept… I go into a restaurant every day at the same time, I order the exact same thing, and I see how long it takes for them to ask me if I want the usual.” (52:00)

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Recurring Themes

• Comedians with dark family backgrounds: Several comics revealed stories of absent, murdered, or criminal fathers—a running theme in the interviews.
• Medical and body humor: Surgical techs, ER stories, debates on vasectomies and “squirting,” dog anatomy, and veterinary insights—often crude, always candid.
• Working-class and hustle culture: Multiple comics juggling comedy with jobs in tech, ride-share, vet offices, and smoke shops.
• Audience & panel camaraderie: Heavy panel interaction, roasts, and playful bullying (especially from Tony), with genuine encouragement and running in-jokes throughout.
• Drop-ins and legends: Legendary comics Ron White and Pauly Shore both pop in, do crowd-pleasing sets, and riff with the main panel.

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Notable Timestamps

• Panel introduction: 02:23
• Aya’s set/interview: 05:40–10:22
• Remy Swiss: 11:01–18:12
• Lino Rodriguez: 19:20–24:45
• Sir Winston Pickles (character): 31:27–36:47
• Medical riffing (“is squirt piss?”): 40:45–44:59
• Michael Moses interview (social media bit): 45:51–54:12
• Dedrick Flynn’s Christmas story: 55:00–61:19
• Buffy’s live breathalyzer test: 75:07–78:04
• Ron White drop-in: 83:43–85:59
• Pauly Shore drop-in: 86:46–88:29
• Liv Taylor on vet work/dog anatomy: 89:49–98:16
• Ian Sharp heavy metal scream/Q&A: 99:33–106:19
• William Montgomery closing set: 107:39–114:09

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Overall Episode Tone & Language

• The episode maintains a signature Kill Tony blend of rapid-fire roasting, dark and absurdist humor, honest storytelling, and support for emerging comics, all woven with live audience energy and steady, playful chaos.
• Frequent blue humor: sexual jokes, race and identity bits, medical and body references, raw language, and candid discussions of personal tragedy—always veering toward comedic catharsis rather than sentimentality.
• Notable for balancing crowd work, supportive panel feedback for new comics, and roast-style ribbing, all while the star guests (especially Lance Armstrong) are seamlessly included in the comedic mayhem.

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For Listeners New & Old

• This episode exemplifies the “anything can happen” spirit of Kill Tony: budding comics take big swings, legends show up unexpectedly, and everyone from global sports icons to Austin locals are on the receiving end of both sharp barbs and supportive encouragement.
• You’ll get tears of laughter—and maybe a few moments of genuine pathos—as the comics share their weird, wonderful, and sometimes tragic lives. The episode’s R-rated frankness, breakneck pacing, and wild guest appearances make it a classic for regulars and first-timers alike.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman. Come to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Who's ready for the best night of their lives? Yippee. Brian. Red Band, what's up? And that is the best damn band in all the land, ladies and gentlemen. Make some fucking noise. You are here at Kill Tony breath. You buy prize picks and Shopify. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande. Matt Muhling on the elect playing a signature guitar. JohnPage guitars.com the great John D's on the keys, ladies and gentlemen, with a brand new drop on Spotify called Oxygen. And this is indeed the one and only D Madness. Live in the flesh. We are here with an absolute hoot nanny of a show for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual kil Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th in Dallas. Dallas, March 28th. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie March 28th. TonyHinchcliffe.com get tickets now.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Secret show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Wow. You know, when I book these things, I try to be strategic. You know, sometimes this, sometimes that. Sometimes it's just the best comedians in the world. Sometimes there's a rapper, sometimes there's this or that. Tonight we have two of the best comedians in the world and one of the greatest athletes of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, three residents of Austin, Texas, I present to you Lance Armstrong, Matt McCusker and Tim Butterly. Yeah. Holy shit. That's fucking lance Armstrong, Matt McCusker and Zip. Holy shit. That's a fucking panel if I've ever seen one before. Matt McCusker here has a brand new special on Netflix. Humble offerings. Tim Butterly has A show with Matt McCusker called the Algonauts. The fourth Tuesday of every month at the creek in the cave. And how about a hand for fucking Lance Armstrong? Joining the chaos tonight, an amazing human being, and I can say one of my golf buddies here in Austin. That's how crazy life is. Exactly. It's amazing.

[Lance Armstrong]

Who knew?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna have a lot of fun. Over 200 innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to be pulled out of this bucket and get a minute on stage. It could change their life. They could absolutely automatically go from living in their car or whatever's going on, having six roommates that fart a lot, to being rich and wildly successful. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm gonna pull a name out of this bucket. I'm not gonna let this fucking pale meth head in the front row do it. I'm gonna do it myself. Oh, you got braces, dude. Holy shit. How old are you? 37. Finally getting it together. Look at you. Holy shit, you really are from Ohio. That's amazing. No better time than now. Dude, braces, they give you a discount when you get them when you're almost 40. Since most of your life is over. Braces the teeth. Finally fixing the teeth. What are you gonna do about the fact that your eyes are almost touching? They don't make braces for faces, do they? We're gonna have fun. We're gonna have fun. This episode brought to you by Free Cat.

[D Madness]

Beat his ass, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Punch him in the face. I could give him two black eyes with one punch. Just right in the middle. His eyes are right next to each other. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks and Shopify. While we go wrangle the first bucket pool of the night, we have an unbelievable golden ticket winner here for you. Your first performer doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds is one of the greatest members of our production team ever. We've absolutely watched her grow and thrive and get better and stronger at everything every single week. Ladies and gentlemen, going first tonight, make some fucking noise for Aya, everybody.

[Aya]

When I first graduated college, I was just doing random stuff to make money. I tried selling edibles. You ever get so high you forget you sell drugs and just end up running a non profit? It's kind of what happened. I couldn't afford to go on vacation, so I was just teaching myself how to lucid dream. See Hawaii at Night, I guess. Feel like if I had more money, my standards for guys would be a little bit higher. Like, a friend of mine, she had a one night stand with a guy and he bought her a plan B. And I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me because if a guy bought me a plan B, I'd be like, damn, you would make an amazing provider. I wouldn't even take the plan B. I would just keep the box to show my kid. That's how I knew he was the one. Okay, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly one minute from the great. Aya, everybody. Hi, Aya. Hey, Tony, how's it going?

[Liv Taylor]

Good.

[Aya]

How's it going with you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. That was a great set. Thanks for asking how I'm doing. Nobody ever does that. Yeah, it's a thankless job over here.

[Aya]

My first time probably asking you to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. Aya, tell these people about your life.

[Aya]

My life. I recently cut my hair. I think I was thinking I was like, oh. And trying to be attractive to women, but then I really thought about being a lesbian. And I heard that, like, vaginas are a little bit acidic and I have too many paper cuts to dig in there, but I do. I want to fall in love. I want to fall in love with someone like a. Preferably Indian. Because I don't know, when you fall in love with someone, you really get to know how their mind works. And Indian people always seem to have a really, really good song stuck in their head. Just. And I want to know the lyrics, you know, want to sing along.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I so special. So when you say you cut your hair, did you cut your hair?

[Aya]

No. Okay. So when we were in New York, I was like, I was going out in the town and there was this lonely Uzbekistanian barber, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna give him some business. And so I did, and I got this. Cost me $60. Is that like. I don't know, guys. Like, Is this 60 worth $60?

[Matt McCusker]

It kind of looks like he cut your hair to dance for, like a chic warlord.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I guess

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it is. It might be the best haircut available in Uzbekistan. That might be in the.

[Aya]

In the middle of his phone, like, in the middle of the haircut, he got a phone call from his girl. And yeah, she was mad at him, but I was like, dang, women. And he was like, yeah, like, men need to learn to control their urges, like their sexual urges, but women have this natural urge to be a bitch. And he was telling me about how women, we need to learn to Control that too. And I could see where he was coming from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Aya]

Cause I get that urge, too. I'll start fights with boys for no reason.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I love it. Now you have the haircut. They don't even know what you are.

[Aya]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could get scared when you say you wanted to be a lesbian for a second. Was that was. I'm trying to figure out the chicken or the egg because it seems like you got your hair cut and then you decided. Is that what happened? What happened first? Were you thinking about being with a woman and then you got the haircut? Or did you get that haircut and then that's what happens? Do you get a weird haircut and become a lesbian?

[Aya]

Yeah, I think it's like. It's like that. It's like. I don't know how it works for gay men. If you get the voice first and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

then the thought, you get the. You get the. You get the voice first and the thoughts happen. I can tell you from my own experience, it's true. Aya, you are an absolute fucking little angel. We love you. You're an amazing part of the team. It's so fun to watch you grow as a comedian. I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Aya]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just got booked on a real show and it has begun, Ladies and gentlemen, Aya has gotten the party started.

[Liv Taylor]

Started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now we switch over to the bucket, everyone. This is where chaos happens. We meet people all together. Could be a completely crazy person. Could be an old person, could be a young person, could be white, could be super black, could be brown, could be Asian. Anything can happen. The whole thing's improvised. You guys ready for your first bucket pool? Here we go, all together. Make some noise for Remy Swiss, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go.

[Remy Swiss]

How's it going? My name is Remy Swiss. I am of Middle Eastern descent. Both my parents are from Jordan, and on top of that, I'm from Oklahoma City. I was born and raised in Oklahoma, and that makes me a Southern Arab gentleman. That means I allow my women to work next to me rather than 10 steps behind. Everywhere we go, I might even hold her hand. My favorite sport is baseball. And I always wondered how come they don't have baseball in the Middle East. You know, here in America, we got the sandlot. Middle east, lots of sand. Love that. So I'm Arabic, right? I'm Arabic. That means my pronouns are hijab. Major League Baseball is going to start having games in India. Do you all hear about this? Yeah. They got cricket, we got baseball. They're Trying to bridge the gap internationally. You know what makes me laugh when I think about baseball in India? Every night at the ballpark is bobblehead night. Doesn't bobblehead sound like what you get from a Hindu girl when she goes down on you? Hey, I'm Remy Swiss. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Remy Swiss. If you had two Indian bobblehead jokes happening to start the show on your bingo card, if you would have bet $1 on prize picks, you would have won $3.5 billion. It's never happened before. And there it is, back to back prize picks. Use the promo code. Tony. Let him know we sent you. Hi, Remy.

[Remy Swiss]

Hey, Tony. How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. How are you? A lot of. A lot of. They got a lot of sand. That was crazy. It's like. Did you finish writing that joke?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're misunderstanding me. I'm saying you didn't like finish it. You have a premise there. And then it just ended with we got lots of sand. Okay, very good. Remy, how long you been doing stand up?

[Remy Swiss]

About four or five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About four or five years. Most of it here or in Oklahoma?

[Remy Swiss]

About half of it here and half of it in Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and where were you in, like an actual city in Oklahoma or out in the middle of nowhere?

[Remy Swiss]

No, Oklahoma City.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What was that like being a brown guy in Oklahoma City?

[Remy Swiss]

It was all right. You know, back at the turn of the century, I had to ex Spanish after 9. 11 for a little bit. But yeah, it's like, what would you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

do to act Spanish? Give us an example.

[Remy Swiss]

You know, like, wear beanies low to my eye and like the button up shirt with the two buttons at the top and everything open.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work, Remy?

[Remy Swiss]

Right now I uber and do comedy. Actually, I'm getting paid to do comedy now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's paying you to do comedy? Who is this person?

[Remy Swiss]

No, that's good stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you getting booked at?

[Remy Swiss]

I'm getting booked at the Creek. I got booked in New York a couple times. I got booked in Orlando.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's booked at the Creek. But he looks like he lives in a cave, am I right? The creek. And the Cave is the full name of the comedy club. The guys that know are laughing really hard right now because he does look like he lives in a cave. Okay. Have you ever thought about joining a terrorist organization?

[Remy Swiss]

Start my own.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What would that look like to you? What would be the first thing that would be the first attack that you would do?

[Remy Swiss]

Geez, probably my third grade teacher's house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. All right. You had a real answer there. Let's check in with Matt McCusker.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'd like to talk more about this Middle Eastern sandlot. I think you're onto something. The sandlot, The Middle east, they can, like, hit the ball over the wall, but instead it's just into Israel.

[Remy Swiss]

They gotta go over the wall to get it.

[Matt McCusker]

And then a baseball hits somebody and they drop a bomb on you, and then

[D Madness]

you're kill. Smalls has a different meaning with a suicide vest.

[Remy Swiss]

Man, I just realized this is Lance Armstrong.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Wow.

[D Madness]

Yeah, I bet you.

[Remy Swiss]

What a pull.

[D Madness]

I bet you never met an astronaut before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Lance Armstrong]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I watched Lance. What do you.

[Lance Armstrong]

So they really don't know what's happening when they come out?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. No, the whole thing's real.

[Lance Armstrong]

How many of these people are coming up here? We might have to be doing this a few times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, it's gonna happen. People are going to notice you and go, holy shit, you're Lance Armstrong. It's one of the fun things. Fun things with all the gray hair now you're fine. No one's even noticing. Look at this fucking guy. Osama been eaten over here. My goodness gracious. You're eating Al Qaeda foods out there, huh? My goodness gracious.

[Lance Armstrong]

But I like Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What have you done in Oklahoma?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah.

[Lance Armstrong]

Well, I grew up in North Texas, so we would, you know, I would go up there and race. I mean, I did. I liked it. I like Tulsa. Norman, Oklahoma City.

[Remy Swiss]

He's the man right there.

[Lance Armstrong]

Yeah. That's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Anything else crazy about your life, you'll

[Lance Armstrong]

be the one who's nice up here tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's good. That's a plan.

[Lance Armstrong]

Destroy these people of these got to be poor people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's going to be great. Wait till you find one that you don't like. It's going to. I can't wait. I've seen this happen before. People start off early. They go, I'm going to be nice. An hour later, you're going to be like, you suck, dude. You need to quit. Never do this again.

[Remy Swiss]

I. I run the biggest Milli Vanilli fan club page on Facebook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Millie Vanilli.

[Remy Swiss]

Wait, yeah. In 2014, I hashtag, does everybody know

[Lance Armstrong]

who Milli Vanilli is? See that? There's a. Yeah. There are enough young people, they're like, who?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah, they. They were my favorite band growing up. I say band, but then they got the. That went down. Happened to them. But yeah, in 2014, a hashtag milli Vanilli. And nothing came up. And I was like, I got to do something about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How's that going? Did you build it?

[Remy Swiss]

Over 7,000 people in the group.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

7,000 people, wow.

[Remy Swiss]

And it's the biggest one in the world. No big deal.

[D Madness]

Just out of curiosity, how many followers on the second biggest Milli Vanilli Facebook group?

[Remy Swiss]

I think, like, a thousand maybe.

[D Madness]

Fucking losers.

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah, yeah. Like, all right, so the guy that killed himself, his sister joined the group.

[Ron White]

Yeah, yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

And then she, like, tried to run it, and I was like, get the fuck out of here. And then someone else reached out on behalf, and I was like, if your friend.

[D Madness]

This is classic Facebook mod behavior, dude. Beat it, toots. I built this from the ground up.

[Remy Swiss]

I was like, you start your own. That's exactly what I said. I was like, they were my favorite band in the third grade anyways. And so someone reached out for her on her behalf to me, and I was like, if she wants the page, it's five grand cash American, and, yeah, I'll sign it over to you. You can do whatever you want with it.

[D Madness]

If you want your dead brothers band's Facebook page. If you want me to stop posting my standup clips on your dead brother's band Facebook page, that's $5,000. No, I keep that.

[Remy Swiss]

Keep that separate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It. Which Vanilli died? Was it Vanilli or Manili? Yeah, this is our senior Vanilli. My mom met Vanilli or one of the guys Elevator. When Blame it on the rain was number one. Like, that was her big celebrity moment.

[Remy Swiss]

So the guy that's still around, his name is Fab. Morvan is the guy that's still alive. And then Rob Pus was the guy that passed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing your knowledge of literally a laughing stock of a musical group. Absolutely incredible.

[Remy Swiss]

Eddie Murphy is my favorite comedian. What does that say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It says that your time here is done, my friend. There's a little joke book. There he goes. Remy Swipes, ladies and gentlemen. When people just start randomly naming their favorite comedians, you know the interview has ended. Uh oh, the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Check out her podcast, Love on the line@Heidy Regina.com. how about one more time for Heidi, Everyone getting us all liquored up up here. All right, your next bucket pool. 60 seconds uninterrupted going to Lino Rodriguez, everybody. Here comes Lino Rodriguez.

[Lino Rodriguez]

I'm so stressed out, guys. The other day, I got flashed by a homeless guy with the biggest blackest cock I'd ever seen in person. Shout out, Mia Khalifa. He had a cock that was so big. How big was it? He had a cock that was so big, I thought to myself, how is this guy homeless? How is this guy homeless? I got what I got. I got a place. This guy should have, a mansion. And before I knew it, he started a helicopter dick at me. And it was so big, I could hear the sound.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Lino Rodriguez]

The motherfucker was powering the Midwest by himself. And before I knew it, he took

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

flight

[Lino Rodriguez]

as if God was calling him to heaven. He started to terrorize all the 6th Street. You got a dollar?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you gonna finish that cigarette, Lino Rodriguez?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Going all the way to the Bear there. Hi, Lino.

[Lino Rodriguez]

How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good. That was okay. That was good. That's like the best you've ever done on the show, right?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yeah, I think so. It felt good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think so, too. You've been on many times. What have we learned about you? What are the big fun facts about Lino? Remind me.

[Lino Rodriguez]

I'm a club foot. Puerto Rican from Mississippi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yep. That makes sense. Puerto Rican from Mississippi, Jordanians from Oklahoma. It's a real melting pot we have here tonight. So how clubbed is that foot exactly? What does that mean? That your toes are like webbed. Are they there? What does that mean?

[Lino Rodriguez]

When I was born, they were upside down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your toes were upside down?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Shaped like a golf club. Wow. Yeah, I could wipe my own ass with my feet. It was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

okay. What do you do for work? Leno?

[Lino Rodriguez]

I work at the Vulcan Gas Company and I also work at a smoke shop selling weed out of a bus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how's that going?

[Lino Rodriguez]

We got robbed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that happen? Middle of the night or.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yeah, it was late night. They. They busted in the back of the bus and took all of our weed mushrooms. Very cool people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yeah, they busted in through the back door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How were you in there?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Oh, no, I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was partying somewhere else, but it was open. The band, they were selling stuff.

[Lino Rodriguez]

No, no, no, it was closed. They broke in. Late night. They knew what they wanted. They wanted our weed, they wanted our mushrooms, and they wanted our vapes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What else could they possibly want from a van that sells weed, mushrooms and vapes? It's not much else.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Cash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they're definitely not looking for your joke book, that's for sure. Lino, how long you been doing stand up?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Around four or five years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, five years. And it's going good for you, huh?

[Lino Rodriguez]

I'm having a good time. Yeah, I like it out here. I've been having a fun time out working in the local scene and building my way up from fucking shit, so.

[Michael Moses]

Yep.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Well, it's trying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it, I love it.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why, Lino? Why? What is that name? Is your parents named you that?

[Lino Rodriguez]

I'm named after my dad. My dad's name was Leno and then he got murdered, so they're like, we need another Lino.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your dad got murdered?

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Lino Rodriguez]

My dad was murdered, yeah.

[D Madness]

Tell us about that vape shop robbery.

[Lino Rodriguez]

No, no, the got murdered with the baseball bat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's right. Yep. It's all coming back to me now.

[Lino Rodriguez]

And he's not even a base.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Leno. How old were you when that happened?

[Lino Rodriguez]

I wasn't.

[Lance Armstrong]

Say, how is it this. This isn't adding up.

[Lino Rodriguez]

I wasn't born.

[Lance Armstrong]

You needed another one of you and he was murdered?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yes.

[Lance Armstrong]

Then maybe you have a different dad.

[Remy Swiss]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your mom.

[Lance Armstrong]

Follow me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Lino Rodriguez]

I mean, yeah, my mom, that big of a. You know. Now, my dad, he was murdered while I was in the womb. When I was in the tummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, damn. Okay. I mean, this is just such a

[D Madness]

crazy speech impediment to hear about a dead dad with. Because for a second I thought you were in the room when they murdered him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was in the same womb as he was. Could have been you. Could have been you little arm reaching out with a baseball bat. Okay, yeah. Little foot.

[Remy Swiss]

Club foot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That crazy club foot. He was either killed by a baseball bat or a mysterious upside down foot.

[Lino Rodriguez]

We were both clubbed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Absolutely. Like father, like son. The apple doesn't fall far from the Louisville Slugger. Lino, you've been up many times before. You always have. Gotten a little joke book, I'm guessing, right?

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, guess what, buddy. Today's the big day. Big joke book for you. Lino Rodriguez, ladies and gentlemen. Let's keep it moving along here with one more bucket pool. Before we get to a special treat, make some noise for Johansen. We're going to meet Joe. All together, one minute, uninterrupted for Johansen, everybody.

[Johansen]

What's up, guys? I was raised really poor. Just right off the bat. My parents would always try to hide it from us, though. They would always say shit like it's National Leftover Hamburger Helper Day. It's like it's been National Leftover Hamburger Helper Day for five nights in a row. Man, what are you trying to pull on us? I figured it out though. I did figure out we were poor when it came time to put down our family dog. It cost $45, and my dad was just like, nah, I'll shoot it. Right? But I was seven years old, man. I took that at face value. I was like, oh, I cannot get sick. We are not a minute clinic family at all. I'm just gonna be like, dad, I have a headache.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Die, bitch.

[Johansen]

That's cool though. That's cool. Austin's fun. I was walking down six and this girl goes, I'm having hot girl tummy issues. And then she lifted up her shirt and she just had a colostomy bag. That's not hot girl tummy issues. That's just a bag of shit strapped to you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Johanson, welcome. Is this your first time on the show?

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Taylor Farrer]

Welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. How long you been on stand up?

[Johansen]

Like two, probably two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two years? All of it here in Austin?

[Johansen]

No, I'm actually from Kansas City originally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, now you live here?

[Johansen]

No, no, actually I just moved down to Clearwater, Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what made you move to Clearwater, Florida?

[Johansen]

My wife is doing her residency down there, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is she doing a residency for?

[Johansen]

Internal medicine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Johansen]

She's a doctor. Five years. Five years retirement. I'm out of a job in five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Look at you, you little gold digger. What do you do for work?

[Johansen]

I just work like it right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Okay. Let me.

[Johansen]

If they see this, it's cool it. And I love it so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What kind of money are you making?

[Johansen]

Not enough to really be saying how much I love it, but right enough that I don't want to lose it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are the hours like?

[Johansen]

Just normal corporate shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

What are you doing?

[D Madness]

Help desk. Server admin.

[Johansen]

Yeah, server. Help desk.

[D Madness]

Help desk. That's bitch stuff. Yeah, it is bitch before I started, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Yeah.

[D Madness]

They really treat you like a fucking loser.

[Johansen]

And then you worked your way up to full time comedian. That's.

[D Madness]

Yeah, you're right. It is pretty impressive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Yeah, it is. It actually is. Joe, what's your plan to work yourself up to being a big time comedian? Because Clearwater, Florida, it's a little rough.

[Johansen]

Yeah, well, Tampa's. It's like. Tampa's got a okay scene. It's. It's not as like saturated, I feel like, but it's very much like you got to know who's who to get on the shows and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what else are you into? You have any other special skills or hobbies or anything that you're into?

[Johansen]

I wish I could say I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's got to be something.

[Johansen]

I will. I mostly just spend time taking care of my wife so that like, it's. I feel like it's.

[D Madness]

She would phrase it differently.

[Johansen]

No, I do. I really. Because I treat it like the same way. You would invest in 401ks. Me doing the laundry is my contribution.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's got to suck. Yeah. Does she just like tell you that when to eat her pussy and stuff? Yeah.

[Johansen]

She gets home from work and she goes, someone died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eat my box. Wow. Amazing. That is incredible. Does she kind of bring her work home with her sometimes and you have to hear about it?

[Johansen]

I check her on that shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean? Give us an example.

[Johansen]

She'll. She'll come home in a flurry and she'll just. Because she like, she'll like work ICU or something. Like four people will die and she'll go, yeah, today sucked. And I was like, yeah, but let's leave it at the door and let's go watch some movies or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Lino Rodriguez]

I've got.

[Johansen]

I don't know, I feel like a puppet master a little bit because I've. I've kind of like helped her cope by manipulating it sounds like, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been with her?

[Johansen]

We just got married this year. Four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, thank you. There's some people very impressed by a four year long relationship. Yeah, it's amazing.

[Lance Armstrong]

She come down here with you. Does she know you're doing this?

[Johansen]

She's at work right now, dog.

[Lance Armstrong]

Well, she's going to know.

[Johansen]

Yeah, let's hope. Yeah, she'll like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you just came to Austin for what exactly?

[Johansen]

Me and a group of guys from Kansas City. They came down here and I met up with them. And then we've just been like running the shows and Mike's out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See anything crazy while you were here in Austin?

[Johansen]

There was like. I mean, I hate to just be like, yeah, a homeless guy, but like there was some guy who like was just screaming at the top of his. Well, he started to get close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. God help you if you ever visit New York or Los Angeles.

[Johansen]

Yeah, yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm a homeless guy screaming. Fucking amazing. It's creepier when they whisper. Yeah, that's a great point. Red band.

[D Madness]

You guys drove down together?

[Johansen]

No, I flew.

[Remy Swiss]

They drove.

[D Madness]

Doctor wife money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johansen]

I go, yeah, you guys have nine hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're going to be sitting.

[D Madness]

They're going to be sitting in the farted up van driving back. You're the one that got on the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

show

[Matt McCusker]

Class, he was in a helicopter right above them.

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[D Madness]

You guys look so small from up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Joe, I liked your set. I thought it was funny and clever, so here's a big joke book. Congratulations. There he goes. Johansson. We're gonna keep it moving along. We have a special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. One of my favorite characters that we ever found here on this show is dropping in with a brand new minute. Make some noise. You know him, everybody. This is indeed the one and only Sir Winston Pickles, everybody. Here we.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Thank you. I was driving last night and I accidentally hit a deer. A dear old lady. What was she even doing up at 1am I told the cop she didn't look left or right before she crossed, and he said she shouldn't have to in her own kitchen. It's that time of year where I've got to decide whether to hang my Christmas lights or myself. Oh, I. I don't really need Chris. I don't really need Christmas lights there. I just need a bottle of luminol. I was in a drag race earlier today and I got disqualified for wearing sneakers instead of high heels. Okay, my time is up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir Winston Pickles. I love it. I love your style, Sir Winston. I hit a deer. A dear old lady.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Fantastic panel, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

So you've missed the. You missed the old opportunity to get Rob Rayner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that is true. We will not have Rob Reiner. He was coming up in a few

[Sir Winston Pickles]

weeks and ship has sailed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, you are one evil clown. I gotta tell you, Sir Winston Pickles, I love it. Great jokes. How's life been going, Sir Winston?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Very busy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Luminol. Redband wants to know what luminol is. Luminol is a thing I've watched every episode of Forensic Files that you can spray around the room. And if you light it up with a black light, it shows you where blood has been. So what he's saying is that he's murdered so many people that he doesn't have to put up Christmas decorations. He just needs to spray his place with luminol and it'll all light up. There you go. Smart and funny. If you know what luminol is. I think I was the only person in the room that knew what it was. Maybe a black light or something instead. You could say guy. Right? I mean, if, you know, he probably. He's got a smart.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

You don't need a black light with Luminal. It's a. It's a chemical reaction, Brian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, really? You don't need a black Light. Oh, okay. All right. It just lights up automatically.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Matt McCusker]

The black light would show jizzo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. See what's coming out of his Sir Winston pickle. You know what I'm saying? So, Sir Winston, take us through, like, a day in the life. Cause I think about you sometimes. I'm like, I wonder what the fuck he does during the day. I wonder what he looks like. Like, I find you to be an intriguing, intriguing man. So take us through.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Like, I just go around making a nuisance of myself in various stores.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Like, I go to I got a dick. Sporting goods work out on their equipment. Actually, I've just bought a roin machine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Would you.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Got a great price on it, but flooding the living room every night is costing me a fortune.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's just a boat.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

That's a kayak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what time of the day do you usually put on the makeup and everything?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Like noon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About noon. Amazing. And you'll, like, run errands and stuff?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes, run errands.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And you enjoy it, right?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It's cool.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do? What? What do you do when you're not in the makeup? Is there anything that you do? Like, you don't go to like a doctor's appointment like that, do you?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Once or twice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yes. What's one of the weirdest places that you've been in that makeup where you got a weird reaction? Dmv, do they let you take your driver's license? No, they don't let you do that.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Driving license picture is totally different.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. No, no, nobody wants to see that. Any other weird times where you're Sir Winston Pickles?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Well, when I used to doordash, I did try it twice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Yes. Doordash.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

The old ring cameras.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I can't even imagine. Yes. People must be scared to death.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

The tip. The tips were very high.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah. That's just straight up scary. I love it. And you're married, right?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes, unfortunately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she a clown, too?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

No, I should say my ex wife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a clown. No. Oh. What does that mean? See your ex after that. What?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I just said my. Unfortunately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Oh, I know. Yep.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gotcha. All right, Sir Winston. Well, another great set. So much fun. Always a pleasure to have you, Sir Winston Pickles, ladies and gentlemen.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The evil dark clown. So dark, yet so white. Sir Winston Pickles. There he goes, everybody. Sir Winston Pickles was on the show. All right, here we go. Your next bucket pool. Goes by the name of Taylor Fur Fairer. Taylor Fair. Make some noise for Taylor.

[Taylor Farrer]

So I'm still mad at Obama for not using, once you go black, you never go back for his reelection slogan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was right there.

[Taylor Farrer]

And it would have opened up the door for Trump to use orange as the new black. And then Kamala could have kept it going with, aren't you glad I'm not Biden? And then in a few years, RFK can run on the slogan, orange juice

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is giving liver cancer to children.

[Taylor Farrer]

You know, and I Google a lot of stuff. Like, the other day, I googled where the cum goes when you get a vasectomy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't know.

[Taylor Farrer]

And for those of you who don't know, when you get a vasectomy, they cut the tube that connects the balls to the outside, and you can't just plug it, right? You can't just put, like, a little cork in it, because you'll keep making jizz. It'll back up, and then your balls will explode, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Taylor Farrer]

That's why I Googled. Turns out they don't plug it. They just leave it open. So you just continue making jizz goes out the open tube, and then your body just reabsorbs it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's gay, dude.

[Taylor Farrer]

You mean to tell me that every time you orgasm, you're just coming all up inside yourself, not in God's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Taylor Farrer, welcome to the show. Taylor got funny there at the end. I don't know if you're quite the political comedian that you think you are. You seem like a guy that would talk about jizz being backed up into your own balls, and you really found your voice there towards the end. I love it. How long you been doing stand up, Taylor?

[Taylor Farrer]

It's like, my tenth time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. So you're new.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long? That's phenomenal for 10 times. Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Thanks.

[Pauly Shore]

Thank you.

[Taylor Farrer]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Great. How long ago was the first time?

[Taylor Farrer]

So I started actually, like, right before Pandemic, because I was in PA school, and I was doing it just for kind of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

PA school.

[Taylor Farrer]

Like physician assistant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Taylor Farrer]

So I was doing it during PA school. We would all go out together, and then.

[D Madness]

Wait, this is who that guy's wife is going to school with?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And.

[Taylor Farrer]

And I did it a few times, and then Pandemic hit, and I just stopped. And then I started back up a couple months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. What made you want to start back up a couple months ago?

[Taylor Farrer]

I just always wanted to do it, so I figured.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you live?

[Taylor Farrer]

Miami.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I could see that. That seems right. So what exactly do you do for work in Miami?

[Taylor Farrer]

I work at an er.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work in an er? Yeah, as a regular.

[Taylor Farrer]

I got pa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, and so what's some crazy stuff that you've seen? I have to be.

[Lance Armstrong]

Super crazy stuff there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Miami emergency room. I can't even imagine.

[Lance Armstrong]

Tell.

[Taylor Farrer]

Not long ago, this older, like 84 year old lady came in. She thought she had a uti and so we're checking her out for that and. And she, as a joke, that Wink.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just lost you your medical license, by the way.

[Taylor Farrer]

So we're checking out for the UTI and then she was telling the nurse that the reason why she thinks she had a UTI is because she was having sex and a bunch of liquid came out. And she said her boyfriend told her that squirting is a thing. And so then we had to tell her, yeah, that is a thing. And she did not have a uti. So she just came to the ER to tell us that she squirted for the first time and then she just.

[Matt McCusker]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. What's your Instagram? What a brag. Redban. Redban. You can't just say things like that. That's a real human being. What? Do you know what her Instagram is? All right, so that's pretty amazing. She came to you because she came. Yeah, it's impressive.

[D Madness]

If you don't mind, Lance wanted me to ask. Is Squirt pissed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, that's a.

[Taylor Farrer]

That's a great question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Taylor Farrer]

It's so yes and no, there's piss in it, but it's not all pissed question.

[Lance Armstrong]

But that wasn't my question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no.

[D Madness]

Don't put this on me, Lance. I'm sick.

[Taylor Farrer]

It's an important question.

[D Madness]

Oh, no.

[Lance Armstrong]

You're gonna like my question that you're gonna get blamed for. I really have a question. No, I want to hear the other one too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Save that question. Let's find out your breakdown of what do. What do you think the piss to what is the special liquid that comes out?

[Taylor Farrer]

So there is. There is urine in it. They've done studies where they show like. Like imaging. And you see the bladder does get emptied to some degree, but it's not all piss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Totally true. That is correct. I used to argue with Red Band we would get into vicious arguments. No, I remember I've always said it's. It's not P. Right, that's what I'm saying. I back in the day thought it

[Taylor Farrer]

was P, but like it always.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you go ahead.

[Taylor Farrer]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to another episode of Kill Taylor, everybody. You go ahead, you take over.

[Taylor Farrer]

It used to confuse me because, like, squirting is always clear. And I was like, there's no way that every woman's just super hydrated all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Taylor Farrer]

That's. That was what gave me pause.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're exactly right. I'm. I'm like. I was saying, I'm gonna go back to my thing and then we're gonna get to Lance's question. I'm a converted squirt believer. There was a period of time where I was anti squirt, was convinced it was just straight pee. But I gotta tell you, it's something else. It tastes way better than pee. Definitely. Red band said it. I might completely agree with him, but in any matter disgusting. Red man, you're so gross. Let's go over to Lance Armstrong.

[Lance Armstrong]

Yeah, but is that true about the vasectomy? That can't be true. It doesn't stay inside.

[Taylor Farrer]

I think there's.

[Lance Armstrong]

What you're supposed to know. I'm not a PA or a doctor or anything.

[Taylor Farrer]

There's different ways. One of the ways is to leave it open, but there's also ways that I think that they do actually.

[Lance Armstrong]

So there's. Anybody in the room had one of these things done?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did, yeah. Anyone give themselves a. Were you wondering this super vasectomy. What?

[Lance Armstrong]

Like, there's nothing comes out?

[Ian Sharp]

Oh, no, no.

[Taylor Farrer]

You still have seminal fluid coming out, but it doesn't connect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It tastes way better. It tastes way better. Red band says. Okay, I should have said that. That's great. It's a lot sweeter than regular. Come. I. I don't.

[Lance Armstrong]

I don't have any more questions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. The defense rests. I've.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm still on the squirt, so. Okay, some of it's P, some of it's P. What is the other stuff? Is it just like leftover jizz from the guy before you or like.

[Taylor Farrer]

That's usually it? Yeah, that's usually it.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey, I'm asking a doctor, guys. It's confidential.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a bunch of magical stuff. It's kind of like lady sweat, but inside of the thing called the vaginal sponge or something like that. The bladder sponge. There's like a thing. Top, top shelf. There's a whole system to it. I might know more than you. I looked into this. I watched a whole 30 minute YouTube tutorial. There's a system. Taylor, what's your love life like? You seem like a good looking guy. You're in Miami, you're married. Yeah.

[Ron White]

Wow.

[Taylor Farrer]

We met in PA school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. And is she also working in er?

[Taylor Farrer]

No, she works in aesthetics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Taylor Farrer]

Like Botox fillers, that kind of stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. And you? No kids. No. No. How does that happen? What are you doing? What's your method?

[Taylor Farrer]

Pulling out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just regular old pulling out.

[Taylor Farrer]

Right in time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just in time. You have a favorite place where you shoot your load? Good question, Tony. Thanks, Tony. Jeez, you people with your groans.

[Taylor Farrer]

Depends on the position. Probably the back.

[Dedrick Flynn]

God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're sick of her face at this point. Have you made her squirt her?

[Taylor Farrer]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting, right? Oh, no.

[D Madness]

That was the worst answer you could have given.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no, that's that Miami lifestyle, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now why do you think that is? Do you think she's just not hydrated enough first?

[Taylor Farrer]

That might be the answer. Yeah, that might be the answer. No, I think it's a. I don't know if it's a learnable skill, but I think there's some girls could do it, some can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe some girls are drier than your political jokes.

[Lance Armstrong]

She may not be old enough. Yeah, cuz that other lady was old. 80 something.

[Taylor Farrer]

That's true.

[Michael Moses]

Just wait.

[Taylor Farrer]

So we got to wait?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, you got to wait a little bit. I'll keep you updated any day now.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm surprised that guy didn't come with that old lady. I would have followed her there. Be like, yeah, I did that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was. Yeah, he's just in the lobby with a poster board. It was me just pointed to him. Amazing. Amazing, Taylor. Well, fun times. A good set. You picked it up towards the end. I like your style. There's a big joke book. Back to Miami. He goes, Taylor Ferrer. All right, we're moving at a great pace. I like this episode. This is fun. This looks like a new name. Make some notes from Michael Moses. Everybody back to the bucket with a minute uninterrupted from Michael Moses.

[Michael Moses]

Oh, what's up, Austin? I'm happy to be here, man. Happy to be out of house. Girl's mad at me right now. Just had a message on my phone. Message popped up. She looked at it. She goes, who's Amber? I was like, a kid is missing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right,

[Michael Moses]

I'm not Muslim. I'm not Muslim. I know I look Muslim, but I'm not. I got a white mom. Shit, she's very white. She's on a cruise ship right now. Okay. But like. And I grew up in a small town in Canada, 3,000 people. So Muslim people, they pass me and they're like, as Salaam alaikum. I'm like, ah, shamalamal ding dong. Dude, I have no idea what the fuck that is. My mom very white. She's very white. She's like. I said, she's on a cruise ship. She remarried white. This dude's so white. His name's Mark with a C. All right? Mark wears jean shorts, all right? Every time he gets startled, he's like, oh, jeepers. White. Mark's the white. He jumps in the water like this, okay? Plucks his nose. He's a grown man. I go, mark, jump into the water. Let the water go up your nose.

[William Montgomery]

Snot.

[Michael Moses]

Rocket it out and push it towards another family like a man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

He goes, nah, it stings.

[Michael Moses]

All right, my name is Michael Moses. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Moses, welcome to the show. Michael, if you're for first time on, right. How long you been doing stand up?

[Michael Moses]

13 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

13 years. Holy shit. Where at?

[Michael Moses]

Canada all over. Started Alberta. Toronto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And yeah, that's where you're born, Alberta.

[Michael Moses]

No. Yeah, no. Winnipeg middle, moved west, started comedy east.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, absolutely. So 13 years. And what ethnicity are you exactly?

[Michael Moses]

I'm mixed. I'm mixed. So, Tony, if you want to ask me the whitest thing about me, go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, all right, here we go. Guy's ready.

[Michael Moses]

Watch the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

13 years. He is prepared. What is the whitest thing about you?

[Michael Moses]

I don't use a washcloth in the shower.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. We don't do that. Do you use a loofah?

[Michael Moses]

No, you just go just bar to hand, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bar in hand. Wow. A lot of people are saying ew in the audience.

[Michael Moses]

Like, he has to touch my body.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're good, bro.

[Michael Moses]

You ain't touching me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What color is your loofah, Tony?

[Ron White]

Black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, me too. Look at that. We have that in common. Look at us. Hopefully we don't ever get them mixed up. All right, speaking of the color black, you know what question's coming at you next day?

[Michael Moses]

Madness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is? Don't make d madness jokes right now.

[Michael Moses]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is the blackest thing about you, Michael Moses?

[Michael Moses]

My grandma is 46 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Wow. Thank you. Sorta. That is amazing. That is amazing. So which parent is that? That's your mom?

[Michael Moses]

Well, yeah, my dad's the black one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. So how old's your dad, Rip?

[Michael Moses]

He was 37 when he died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

37.

[Michael Moses]

He did die by gunshot. That is probably the real blackest thing

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

about me that happens in Canada.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I thought you guys had it all figured out up there. 37. He was killed by a gun. What exactly went down there? D Madness is going to find the killer, right?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He does not like black men being killed. Oh, he's very aggressive about it. He's solved exactly zero murders. By the way, they call him a private eye.

[Michael Moses]

People with eyes can't find. So if he can do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I made that joke five seconds ago. So what happened? What happened where your dad got shot?

[Michael Moses]

It was a. So it was a. A clothing store robbery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So he was doing the robbery.

[Michael Moses]

Actually like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, let's take it one step at a time.

[Michael Moses]

No, your fault.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your dad was doing a robbery with his friends. With his friends. In Canada.

[Michael Moses]

In Canada.

[D Madness]

Denim jacket store

[Dedrick Flynn]

100.

[Matt McCusker]

I also think that beats the 42 year old grandma.

[Taylor Farrer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the exact store? Was it a Foot Locker?

[Michael Moses]

It was a clothing store. It was 100.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know the clothing store?

[Michael Moses]

No, I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You never asked.

[Michael Moses]

I this like it happened when I was 17. I've been too scared to find out because we don't. We actually don't know what happened to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the guys and so what do you

[Michael Moses]

be that guy who doesn't want to touch me right now?

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you know about what happened? So.

[Michael Moses]

So yeah, clone store. He went in friends did to rob the place. They knew the person who owned it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, right.

[Michael Moses]

And then there were P.E. like you know, customers and they tied them up. They all tied them up and put them in. And then this is what I've heard from my uncle who kind of went up there and like looked and my mom said, so things we want to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

believe your 18 year old uncle. Yes. Yeah, yeah, right.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah, exactly. So the thing with like my dad had that moment of this ain't right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Michael Moses]

And then you know, tussle back and forth, gun goes off. Gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah. Damn. Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's really fresh to death.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Oh, my bad.

[Ian Sharp]

Sorry.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah, no, no, we. We needed somebody to try to break the tension and that. Yeah, that was a good effort, man. The dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, brother.

[Michael Moses]

The dude with the black wife. Gotta go for it, bro, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Michael Moses]

I appreciate that coming from him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're exactly right. Incredible. So what's mom up to? She's alive.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah. Remarried. White.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She went white. So the mark things real amazing.

[Michael Moses]

100. Yeah, they love cruise ships. They own a big camper, they go camping all summer. She golfs and she just works and chills.

[Lance Armstrong]

Yeah, Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not bad at all. No, she's still in Winnipeg.

[Michael Moses]

No, she's like southern Alberta. Coaldale, Alberta. Hometown.

[Lance Armstrong]

Like Katie Lang never Mind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you gotta.

[Michael Moses]

You gotta try.

[Lance Armstrong]

Y' all know that song, the Big Bone Girl from Southern Alberta. Come on.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, try the fresh to death one.

[Lino Rodriguez]

She's from southern Alberta.

[Lance Armstrong]

That was a bad theme for dads dying tonight. The other, another dude, his dad got hit with a baseball bat.

[Michael Moses]

Who did it?

[Lance Armstrong]

We didn't get into that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We didn't even find out.

[Michael Moses]

Okay. Damn. You asked him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Okay, so Mom's back out on cruise ships. What do you. How do you make money?

[Michael Moses]

I do this comedy and then I have a social media channel. So it's a stupid concept, but the concept is I go into a restaurant every day at the same time, I order the exact same thing. And I see how long it takes for them to ask me if I want the usual. And I know, but it's got. I got. I'm getting 50 million views on video.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like. It's. It. That's a. That's.

[Michael Moses]

That is the concept is that. But then what happens?

[Remy Swiss]

It's.

[Michael Moses]

It's wholesome shit. You know, I get to know somebody, a stranger, turn them into a stranger, and then at the end of the, you know, week, we just raise money for them. I've, you know, gotten people, like $2,000. Actually helped the Korean lady, and now she can ship her son off to university in Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Michael Moses]

Money.

[Lance Armstrong]

So.

[Michael Moses]

Like that. So then social media money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like that, and then. Very cool.

[Michael Moses]

I'm doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So has there been one where it hasn't happened yet and you're still there, like two for two years or something?

[Michael Moses]

100%, bro. I'm doing Sandy's hamburgers here in Austin, Texas, Day 23. 2. These Mexicans do not speak to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Hilarious. Michael, what's your love life like?

[Michael Moses]

Don't. I actually. I just got engaged four weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Michael Moses]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she white?

[Michael Moses]

She's white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're following in your dad's footsteps. She's pregnant. Look at that.

[Michael Moses]

I am doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. This. Do you ever tie her up while stealing her clothes? Okie dokie. Following in his dad's footsteps. You guys remember? Yeah, I love it. How pregnant is she?

[Michael Moses]

Due February. Due February.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's common.

[Michael Moses]

It's coming, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Absolutely incredible. Michael. Fun times.

[Michael Moses]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did great. Your 13 years is very evident.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have great stage presence. Everything's amazing. Here you go.

[D Madness]

Also, you look like handsome Squidward.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[D Madness]

Lance wanted me to say that one.

[Michael Moses]

One light of the night right there. Tim Buckley ever. But thank you so Much, Tony.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Moses. All right, we've come to the point of the show where one of our regulars is right behind that curtain and ready he is the dark storm of Atlanta. I believe this. This guy is the absolute future and the present of the Kill Tony universe. Make some fucking noise for the one and only Dedrick Flynn, everybody. Here he is. What's up? Oh, man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I was raised in the ghetto, and I hate the ghetto. The ghetto stole Christmas from me, like, physically and mentally at the same time. About a week before Christmas, they came and took everything that, like, even our decorations. And then my whole family was downstairs and they were crying. But then I looked at my cousin Deli, and because we were both, like, 6 years old, we had, like, a childlike innocence. We both realized, it doesn't matter. Santa's still coming. And so we started getting kind of happy and kind of dancing. And my grandma was like, why the fuck are you dancing over there? And I was like, grandma, Santa's coming. Don't worry, we all can rejoice. And she said, nigga, Santa ain't real. And that kind of took the Christmas love out of my heart. But it was placed back there shortly after because my uncle. My uncle Chris. Cause you can't smell Christmas without Chris. He came in and he was like. He looked at my dad and he was like, yo, why you ain't got no decorations and presents for the kids? And we told him what happened. He said, that won't do. And then he came back into the house a couple hours later with, like, a fully decorated tree and presents from somebody else's house. So we just started opening them and seeing, you know what I'm saying? I got a green ranger in a Bobby playhouse sitting at it. We regretified the neighborhood that day. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Hilarious, Dedrick Flynn.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is amazing. Grandmas are the ones that do that. My grandma's the one that told me Santa isn't real. Oh, man, I remember it very clearly. Do you remember where you were when you just kids in school, like Red Bands, just finding out. For a man that eats milk and cookies every night, that's very surprising. Ho, ho, ho. Very jolly. There he is. D Madness, ladies and gentlemen. You say Santa Claus three times. He pops up out of nowhere for some reason. I love it. Wow, that story sounds so authentic. That's real, huh? Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That's a verbal photograph that I gave you right there. I think that is. That's exactly what happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, the ghetto of Atlanta. It just seems like an absolute treasure trove of material.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, you saw what he did to Casey Rocket. All right. That's what happens when you have a white boy that grew up around the same environment as me. You just did a nigga that pull a harmonica out for no reason at all. That's why I got this little slingshot right here. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit.

[Dedrick Flynn]

They don't got no metal detectors in here. I'm just waiting. Don't pop off. But don't worry. I got my concealed carry permit that I made. I laminated it. The cops won't know the difference.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You laminated it?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, yeah, laminated it. It's a Dedrick Slinky shoddy permit, state of Texas. And it's got a picture of me so they know that it's mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. It's a little bit light. Light skinned, but yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they didn't have any brown markers near me when I got the idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you put in the slingshot?

[Dedrick Flynn]

You have anything to hurt people? I just. Sometimes I got. I went and bought some marbles, but they let me in with the marbles. They took the marbles out of doors. So shout out to the mothership staff for a good sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They are very good at that. I want to see.

[D Madness]

They said, not so fast, ass Dennis the Menace society.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want to see if it works. Let's see how far you can shoot a little joke book out into the crowd. Oh, my God. That thing's got some distance. Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

About if I a like you, you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That went to the lobby. You just took out a thick white lady.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very strategic shot.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I know what I'm aiming.

[Matt McCusker]

The form was crazy too. I would have pinched it. You just put one finger and let go. That's crazy.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah. I used to shoot hornets at people in middle school. I was the ISS a lot. I was a bad kid. There's a lot of. Cause I knew Santa Claus wasn't real, so I gave up on being good.

[D Madness]

Look how intense the cop by the exit door is right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's got his hand on his pistol. I love it. Were you really a bad kid growing up?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I was just so smart that I would get done with my work early. And then. You can't just. I can't just sit down, you know what I mean? I gotta pass notes, you know, I gotta play my Game Boy. I gotta be a distraction. And I was really good at popcorn reading, so. Niggas love Me, Popcorn reading.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that?

[Dedrick Flynn]

That's when you see who's stupid in your class. Everybody take a turn. You had to, like, read a pass message and then you say popcorn like Tony. And then you start reading. And they, like, Johnny walked across the island and they like, that's island. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Hilarious. Oh, my God. I'm so good. It really is. It's unbelievable. I love it. Dedrick, what are you. What are you doing for Christmas? How are you celebrating this year?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I. I just bought my nephew this baller ass drivable gravedigger thing. It was like 500 for Uncle Daddy. Got it. You know what I'm saying? And then we're doing a Christmas show at the Earl that week. A bunch of the home. It's already sold out in Atlanta. We got like a. We got like, a Christmas band that's gonna play. I'm gonna do some pop punk Christmas songs on there. So it's gonna be fun and shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. You're doing Christmas songs. I love it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Clap for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I'm doing big things. Dedrick, you're the man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Hey, I love y'. All. Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Deadrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. One of the greats. And it goes on and on. We found Dedrick out of the bucket just five, six weeks ago or so. Anything can happen here. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Lorenzo Tyree, everybody. Here we go. Here comes Lorenzo.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I don't know if you guys can tell I'm nervous, But I got. I gotta let some off my chest. For real. I don't donate to thrift stores. I'm be honest. It's not that I don't want to. It's just. I can't. I'm poor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mm.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

And growing up. You know, I grew up in a small town. You think I want to see my neighbor two freaking streets down rocking my hand me downs better than me? Fuck that. Yeah. Growing up poor, I was also raised by my grandma. I'm based at Courage of Cowardly Dominican. No Courage of Cowardly Dog fans in here.

[Remy Swiss]

You.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

But growing up poor with my grandma, she would always have me reusing grocery store bags as, like, tiny trash can bags. You never do that, guys. Yeah.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Right?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Not bad, but damn. All right, we'll leave it there, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Yes, you will. Lorenzo. Tyree. We were waiting. We've waited for a bomb like you all night, Lorenzo. Even the people that have done bad before were doing good here tonight. And then you came out our first female comedian of the night. Look at you. Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Look at you. Gucci, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh, all right. Very good. You. You really got me there, Lorenzo. Amazing. So let's talk about it. How long have you been attending? Attempting stand up comedy?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I've been doing it for two years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

All around Austin. I. I started here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You started here at the Mothership? Come on.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I've been on before. You don't. You don't remember me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you. You have been on before?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

What.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did we find out in the interview last time you were on My.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

My dad's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Please tell me that your dad got murdered. Well, this is incredible. It's been three in a row.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

No, he actually died this year, I'm not gonna lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, really? How did he die?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Pneumonia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pneumonia? Jesus.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Got him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What crime was he committing when the pneumonia got to him? He's got a running theme here for a few comedians in a row. It's incredible. What was he robbing at the time?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

My childhood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. So the pneumonia got him? That was recent?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yeah, a couple months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you close with them?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

No, no, he lived in Dominica and I. I'm from Alaska. I don't know. I went there to see him. He was a piece of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you end up in Alaska if he's Dominican?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

So he ran. He ran from his crimes to Alaska.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were his crimes, by the way? People make, I mean, like, holy.

[D Madness]

This is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, people are like, wow, kill Tony. You know, maybe they're making a lot of stereotype jokes. It's like, we're not. We are not. We are just facing the truth. In reality, my father wasn't there for me. He was robbing places, trying killing people, committing crimes. Holy, man. Like, I'm trying to give everybody an opportunity here. And holy. This is like, if Asian people were coming out, like, sorry, I'm late. Got in a car accident. Like, this is crazy what's happening here. This is an eclipse. It's like a dark eclipse of darkness. This is incredible. Bunch of dead criminal fathers. Okay, so what kind of crimes was he committing? Was it. This was in Alaska?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Nah, he. He escaped to Alaska. That's where he got caught. But last scamming. He was a scammer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was a scammer. Okay, and what kind of scams was he doing, do you know? Exactly?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I think calls like, he would set up. I don't know too much about him. I. Yeah, all good. Yeah, all good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So he got caught In Alaska, committing crimes, and fled to the Dominican Republic.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Deported.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Deported?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Deported.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What year was this?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Free?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who was president at the time?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Like, 2001.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

2001, okay. Wow. He must have really committed crimes for Biden to deport him. It's amazing. Normally, he would just keep those people here and tell them to get out and vote anyway. Lorenzo. Tyrese. So what's mom up to?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Mom? Just like last time. She's still on drugs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Still on drugs? What kind of drugs is mom on?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Be real with you. The Neo kinds of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See her out there on your own, you're just doing it. How old are you, Lorenzo? She got a man, though, huh? No, I'm sorry.

[D Madness]

Lance wanted me to ask that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, all right, all right.

[Lance Armstrong]

I was a little curious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So how old are you, Lorenzo?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I'm 23.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

23 years old. 23 what?

[Michael Moses]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

23.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Okay. So you have any special skills or hobbies that you do when you're not doing standup comedy?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I've been cutting homeless people's hair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yeah, I actually retired.

[D Madness]

Are you getting their permission first?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

The black and mild and free haircut. They love it. They love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Do they really love it, or are you giving them the same haircut that you have?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Well, I buzzed a couple because I couldn't work with it. They had nothing up here, just straight sunburn. So. Yeah, I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many homeless people do you think you've given haircuts to? This is so interesting.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Eight on camera.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're making money off of it. Oh, you're absolutely doing it for your own personal gain. Wow. Incredible. Your parents would be so disappointed if they knew this was happening. Okie dokie. Nobody laughed at that. I guess I'm the asshole on that one. All right, 23. Been on comedy for two years. What else about you? How do you make money work at

[Lorenzo Tyree]

a little smoke shop?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there's another theme. Yeah, second one. There's a running theme here. You were getting robbed there.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Not yet.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Okay.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you say it's a what shop? Hemp hemp shop. Okay. How long have you been working there?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

About a year and a half. Okay, you have? Yeah.

[Ron White]

All right.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Yeah, I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your love life like?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

So I wasn't booed up when I last got here, but I have a girlfriend now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where'd you meet her at?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Hinge. Yeah, Hinge. Right after I got off, I was like, kill Tony might be regular. Oh, you posted all the photos of me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, she Tried to scam her. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[D Madness]

I'm sorry. Was I hallucinating or was. Did you come out and do, like, a titty dance?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. No, that's real. Yeah, that happened. That's crazy.

[D Madness]

I've never seen puberty stop at the neck before. That's nuts. Your head is completely untouched by testosterone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I use Minoxidil trying to get a beard, and that shit did not work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man. It takes time sometimes, Lorenzo. I saw that. Let's talk about it. When you met this girl on Hinge, where's the first place you went on a date?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

We went to Red Farm. Asian cuisine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Asian cuisine. How did that go?

[Johansen]

Pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything weird happen? No. Okay.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you took her back. Where? To your place. Her place,

[D Madness]

Alaska.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

We went on a long ass walk in the dark. I was like, are you sure you want to do. Like, this is kind of weird. And she's like, yeah, I do this all the time by myself. I'm like, like, what? Have you heard of the Rain Street Ripper? And she's like, yeah, but I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you're the one that should be worried about the Rainy Street Ripper, buddy. I don't know if you've seen his clientele, but it's you.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

It's us. It's us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. It is us. I know, but I put that one on you. I've already had about five gay jokes on me this episode. Okay, so, Lorenzo, how long have you been with her now?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

It's been five months. Six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's the highlight of it all? What's your favorite thing about having a girlfriend?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

She's really funny. Honestly, she's really funny. I'm not gonna lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Well, next time you should have her sign up. Oh, my God. No, Lorenzo, you're doing fine, buddy. You're just beginning. You're so young.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love doing it, right?

[Lorenzo Tyree]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got a small joke book last time? I did. Guess what? Tonight you're getting a medium size.

[Lorenzo Tyree]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're working up. We're working up. Let's go, ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Lorenzo Tyree. Thank God. All right. How about. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? All right, we're gonna keep it moving along here. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. Buffy, everyone. Buff. One more time for Buffy, everybody. Starting now.

[Buffy]

A little girl once asked me if I was from Whoville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Aya]

Okay, What.

[Buffy]

What is happening? Are y' all having bowel Movements.

[Aya]

Cool.

[Buffy]

The last guy I dated, I called Daddy because he too forgot my birthday, ghosted me and said I was too loud in bed. But I'm finally dating somebody that's not after just one thing. He's after two. Well, three if we count my mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Buffy, we're gonna stop you there. Wow. You got two and a half jokes out there in 60 seconds. Took a little while. You let the crowd kind of be symphony with you, if you will.

[Buffy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. Buffy. Have you done stand up before?

[Buffy]

I have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been doing it? It.

[Buffy]

I've been on here before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have.

[Buffy]

7:43.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

7:43. Absolutely. What, are we on now? Yeah. Okay. Perfect. Thank you. Red band. What a great partner. Okay. It's like two months ago. Did it go better last time? Are you a little. Are you under the influence of something right now?

[Liv Taylor]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing at all? No medicine? No alcohol? Nothing at all? Uh huh. What is that? What's that noise? What is the answer? You can tell the truth. It's okay. We all know it. We are positive.

[Buffy]

Shakespeare's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you have at Shakespeare's?

[Buffy]

Just a pitcher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just one pitcher with a vod. It's a vodka soda pitcher. Right.

[Buffy]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[Ian Sharp]

Okay.

[D Madness]

I had the bucket of Xanax special.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Liv Taylor]

Cool.

[Buffy]

Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not driving tonight, are you?

[Buffy]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Good. How do you travel? How do you get around?

[Buffy]

I typically drive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You typically drive, but you didn't drive tonight?

[Buffy]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure?

[D Madness]

You're leaving your car downtown, aren't you?

[Buffy]

Thank you.

[D Madness]

No, don't thank me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's just out of curiosity. Can we get the. Can we get the breathalyzer? Do we have the breathalyzer? Let's try this.

[D Madness]

Grab a Narcan just in case while you're at it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta get dust off the old breathalyzer here. Here we gotta.

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here she comes. The lovely Heidi with a breathalyzer. It's taken a few practice runs, but I think Heidi has actually trained on this now. Yes. So here we are, ladies and gentlemen. And do we have the. Do we have the police officer? Can he pop up real quick? Can we get our buddy up here? Is she blowing? She blew for a minute. 50, 15 seconds during your set. This should be pretty easy. Here's our resident police officer. Make some noise for Barbosa. What do we got? What's the reading there? It says flow Flo. What does that mean? Barbosa?

[Lance Armstrong]

Flow and flow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know what that means. Why don't we try it again? Heidi has The. The technical abilities of an absolute blow up doll, ladies and gentlemen. It's. It's incredible. There she is. She's blowing everyone. The breathalyzer. Can't get herpes twice, I heard. There you go. Something happening, Heidi. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. It's a real breathalyzer. And the answer is laughs.

[D Madness]

It's on a loading screen and the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. 15. So hold on. All right. All right. Let Barbosa. Tim, give Barbosa that microphone real quick. I don't.

[Buffy]

I don't know what that means.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, he's about to tell you. What would you. What would. What would. 0.15.

[Lance Armstrong]

11 5.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would that win her if you pulled her over? What would 0.15 she get? A little joke book. Big joke book. Definitely a big joke book. And a trip to jail. Ah, I love it. We gotta make sure. Keep an eye on her tonight. Don't let her hit the streets. D Madness, too. Don't let him drive tonight either.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's pretty high, right? That is high. I believe that's twice over the legal limit. Yeah. You. You performed like you were three times over the legal limit. So that's the good news. We're now.

[D Madness]

This changes everything. She started to find a rhythm by the end, and I think it makes it actually pretty impressive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is amazing. You may have found your voice. How about a hand for Officer Barbosa, ladies and gentlemen? Always amazing. The Austin Police Department. That's a real police officer. That's how present they are in la. You could call them and it'll take an hour and a half for them to show up here. It's like. Hey, can you come up here real quick? Texas justice over here. Have you gotten a DUI before?

[Aya]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Only one. Only one. Very good.

[Lance Armstrong]

What'd you blow on that one?

[D Madness]

The cop?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How much?

[Buffy]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you remember what you blew?

[Buffy]

It was in 2013.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's a whole different time. Back then, a 0.15 was worth 0.18.

[Buffy]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Buffy, what do you do for work? How do you survive?

[Buffy]

So

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

what is so funny?

[Buffy]

I didn't even answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're drunk. You signed up for this show.

[Buffy]

I know. I'm so excited.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Buffy]

No, I. I'm a stunt driver. I told you that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I remember you now.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm.

[Buffy]

I'm that person. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you been working lately?

[Buffy]

No, I'm in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So how do you make money when you're in Austin?

[Buffy]

Well, I saved up some money to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[D Madness]

While driving is stunt driving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After you've had a few, she's drifting in other lanes and shit like that. Amazing. And Buffy, what's your love life like? You're here in Austin, Texas. A bunch of rock stars all around you, musicians all over.

[Buffy]

It's changed since I've been on the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Buffy]

I've been offered a lot of ski trips.

[D Madness]

Is that a code for something?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Guys want to do cocaine with you on 6th Street.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's take a ski trip to Shakespeare's Half Price Pictures. I've been jacking off two guys.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Buffy]

No, when I was on here, I mentioned about not wanting to date older men because they were writing off activities like skiing. And so men in my DMs were offering me ski trips.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's nuts. Amazing.

[Buffy]

I'm like, they have money, so I should take them up on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you take anybody up on it, man?

[Buffy]

One guy offered me like golf lessons. And so we're going to have like a golf lesson.

[D Madness]

Looking for a third for tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[D Madness]

I don't know if you feel like driving the golf cart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure.

[Johansen]

Yeah.

[Buffy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It's.

[Remy Swiss]

It's.

[Lance Armstrong]

It's called a threesome, not a third Force. Threesome force.

[D Madness]

Lance, you old dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Buffy. What else do you told me to say that? What? Buffy. What else do you do for fun? What else makes Buffy Buffy? Other than the stunt driving and the attempting comet? What else? Oh, no.

[Liv Taylor]

Attack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Buffy]

Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[D Madness]

Did you just piss a little?

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never seen anyone get drunk or without drinking on stage. This is incredible. It's like a delayed release alcohol.

[Buffy]

Wait, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Other than the comedy and the stunt driving, what else do you do?

[Buffy]

And makes me leak a little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? God, you're retarded. There she goes, everybody. Buffy. You already have a little joke book, right?

[Buffy]

No, I have a big joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you it up tonight. There you go. There she goes. Buffy, everybody. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you're. Can I done it?

[D Madness]

Car keys, real quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sometimes you've done good. You get a big joke book. And then the next time you get a little overconfident, you have a picture of vodka next door. And then there she goes, everybody. Buffy, everyone. Buffy the vodka pitcher. Slayer. Well, I have a very very special treat for all of you. Ladies and gentlemen, a very, very, very. One of the greatest comedians in the world is here to bless us for a moment of stand up comedy. Not only is he one of me and Lance's favorite golf friends, he's also one of the coolest guys in the world. And like I said, one of the greatest comedians in the world, the guy that got this whole Austin party started. Make some noise for the one and only Ro. What a band. What a band.

[Ron White]

Worth the price of ignition. So I just got off a plane and I came. I actually heard Lance was gonna be on. I thought, I gotta come up here. And I just came in from Los Angeles. And my favorite thing about Los Angeles, Tony, is that the people out there. And, you know, I've always been kind of pro California, which is not always a popular thing, you know, and. But the people out there, just so goddamn pretty. And I. And I'll tell you how it happened. Back in the 1920s, they started making movies out there. And all these beautiful people from all over the world, all over America, flocked the fuck out there to be in the movies. And they couldn't all be in the movies. Some got regular jobs, but they met those people that were in the movies. They got together, they had these beautiful babies. And those babies grew up and met other babies from the same area. They got together and had even more beautiful babies. And almost the exact opposite thing is happening right now in Kansas. Kansas is full of ugly quitters. Have you ever been there? It's true. Those people that live on the west coast, their forefathers got on the Oregon Trail and fought hardships you and I can't even dream of with starvation and weather, crossing the Rocky Mountains. Not those people in Kansas. Their forefathers got on the Oregon Trail in St. Louis, Missouri. They got to Kansas, said Florida, it. I'm staying here, and I'm gonna fuck that fat girl right over there. We had a baby. It looks like a potato. And that potato grew up and met another potato from the same town.

[Dedrick Flynn]

And

[Ron White]

that's a downward spiral. Topeka. That's exactly how that fucking happened. Now, I generally just popped in to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

say hi, and that is amazing. You guys get to see exactly how the it's done. That's the difference between a bucket pool and a regular. And one of the greatest of all time, Ron White, you are the man. All right, man.

[Ron White]

Good to see you guys, man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Just want to say hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'll see you in a little bit. We'll party after this. Come on, guys. One more, more time for Ron White. Holy. What a show we have tonight. Unbelievable. Hey, what do we have over here? What do you. Oh, this guy. What do you want to. You want to come say hi? Pop out real quick. Look at this. It's like the Royal Rumble tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Absolutely. Anything can happen Popping in also to say hello. Another one of the greatest comedians of all time. Absolute comedy royalty. The son of Mitzi Shore, movie star, comedian. This is Pauly Shore.

[Pauly Shore]

Thank you. What's up? How's it going, dudes? Thank you. What's up? So I did acid recently. Anyone else do acid? The thing is, if you do acid, don't do it at the fucking Sphere in Las Vegas. That's fucking gay. I did it in the back of one of those waymos. Holy shit. The waymos are the fucking cars with no one fucking driving. I started freaking out. I started fucking driving the car. And after that, I give myself two stars. Two stars. At least I'm not sober, like gay ass. Fucking Charlie Sheen, bro. What a fucking sellout this guy is, right? Anyone here sober? That's not fucking cool, dude. I have friends that are sober. I got this one friend that's sober. He doesn't do shit. I'm like, you can't have a glass of red wine with your fucking dinner, bro. He's like, if I do that, they'll want to snore napal. I'm like, how the fuck do you go from wine to a fucking eight ball? He goes, I don't know. You fucking tell me, dude. And I have another friend of mine who smokes pot every day. You guys got these friends. He's throwing the marijuana he puts in his food. Went to his house the other day, had some chicken pot pot pie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Paulie motherfucking Shore. There you go. On to the next one. We're flying through it tonight.

[Pauly Shore]

Thank you for having me on your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some fucking noise for Pauly Shore. This is a goddamn party.

[Pauly Shore]

Thank you for having me on your program.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Now make some fucking noise for Shane Gillis. No, I'm kidding. That's not right. I don't ever do that. I lied. I lied. That was very naughty of me. Oh, this drunk guy's furious. Oh, yes. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I love it. And yet you pay for this. Oh, I love it. All right. Some poor innocent soul out of the bucket has to follow Ron White and Paulie Shore back to back. Make some noise for Liv Taylor, everybody.

[Liv Taylor]

Okay, I realize that I. I do look like I would never turn down a foot long. Okay. I do hate Subway, though. I think it's overrated. Any Subway fans in here? Okay, a couple. I think it's overrated. But also, like, I just think their subs suck. I. I think, like, I hate Subway because they managed to convince the entire world that Jared Fogel the subway guy. We all remember him, right? Managed to convince the entire world that Jared Fogle, the subway guy, lost over £250 by only eating subway and not fucking kids. Guys, we all know the saying. Weight loss is what? Diet and exercise. Okay. I've never fucked a kid, but I imagine it would take a lot of work. Okay. That's all I'm saying. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Liv Taylor, it's a tough spot you were in.

[Liv Taylor]

That was a rip. It was back. You said Shane, and I'm like, where the fuck is he, dude? Like, stop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, I know. You had to sweat it out back there. Literally and metaphorically.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Liv, welcome back to the show. You've been on before.

[Liv Taylor]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do we find out about you, Liv? Remind us a lot of sad.

[Liv Taylor]

It's okay, though. I'm a dad alive. I'm an orphan. Mom. Mom. Dad is alive. Mom's dead. Mom's dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did mom die?

[Liv Taylor]

She got hit by a car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

I was waiting for it. It's always some siren or horn of some sort.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Liv, has anything changed since the last time you were on the show? What's going on with you? What's up in life?

[Liv Taylor]

I'm, you know, just working, surviving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Liv Taylor]

I'm a vet tech.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

I work in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are the animals? Good.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. They're. I mean, I take it day by day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Any weird animals come in lately?

[Liv Taylor]

I had a really, really sad case today. It was a. It's called a septic abdomen, which is basically like intestine, something perf. So all the grossness gets inside, and you got to go in surgery and figure it out. I do the anesthesia part, so I keep the animal asleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dog or cat?

[Liv Taylor]

It was a dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did it survive the surgery?

[Liv Taylor]

It did survive the surgery. I'm very proud.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Liv Taylor]

It did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seems like. Is there a butt coming there?

[Liv Taylor]

It looked like there was a. But they did decide. They elected to euthanize at the. After.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. I cried.

[Liv Taylor]

It sucked. It's one of those situations where it was just a lot of money. And it was another situation with the dog. It was very, very young, and it was like a lifelong thing that they would have had to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the lifelong thing that it had?

[Liv Taylor]

What's called, like, a liver shunt. So basically, it only had a. It didn't metabolize things very well, so it only had, like, a certain lifespan. So it was like. It would have probably lived to maybe 4 years old.

[Matt McCusker]

Could they have Fed it till it exploded.

[Liv Taylor]

If it obstructed, for sure. For sure. Yeah.

[D Madness]

Is it true veterinarians have, like, a higher suicide rate than any other profession?

[Liv Taylor]

It is the number one. Number one for suicide rate, 100%.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Explain to us why that is.

[D Madness]

Because they're all wearing fucking chokers.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Yeah,

[Liv Taylor]

there's a lot of us that wear these in that. In that profession. I mean, you just. You just got to think about it. Like, human medicine and veterinary medicine don't work the same. So, like, insurances work the same. It's very costly, you know, when you have things happen with your animals, like emergencies and stuff. So, like, people just can't afford it.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah. I'm upside down on a cat right now.

[Liv Taylor]

People, people.

[D Madness]

$2,500 on a cat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't like. Like, what's happening with your cat?

[D Madness]

He ate half of a Nerf dart and it got stuck in his bow.

[Liv Taylor]

Obstruction. Obstruction.

[D Madness]

Dumb chubby charged us $3,000 to get it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's right next to you.

[Liv Taylor]

I saved your cat.

[Aya]

Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

Be thankful. That's years of schooling. You're welcome.

[Lance Armstrong]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. Liv, what else is going on in life? You have a boyfriend?

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, kind of, sort of. Well, I mean, I do if I'm. I'm also a widow, so I've just started getting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your guy died in a car accident.

[Liv Taylor]

Correct.

[Lino Rodriguez]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everything with cars.

[Lance Armstrong]

Lots of cars.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It's wild. You're a widow.

[Liv Taylor]

But I'm. Believe it or not, I'm. I'm a woman. But I'm an excellent driver. You could ask anybody. I don't care what anybody's. I am actually a really good driver. Anyways. That's why I'm still alive. Okay. Anyways, it's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a good driver and you do euthanasia. If you rewind it, it's a great joke. Okay. Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. So I'm still, like. I started seeing somebody when I first got here, and we were, like, seeing each other for a while, and I kind of just got into, like, this, like, panic mode, I think, where I didn't exactly know what I wanted, and I kind of just wanted to be by myself, but I think it's more so just like I want to figure out who I am as a person outside of being with somebody else. I know. I know. It's so sad. I'm back with this person. I'm back with this person. We'll make it exciting. I. Tony, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what exactly do you mean? I. Yeah, but, like, when you say that so aggressively. What exactly do you mean by that?

[Matt McCusker]

All the dogs?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Liv Taylor]

I mean, you know, like, I guess very straightforward said like, you know, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets kind of thing.

[D Madness]

Now, is dog squirt also pissed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good question.

[D Madness]

I'm sorry. Lance wanted me to know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This shit has to stop.

[D Madness]

Yeah, I agree, Lance. It's not going great.

[Liv Taylor]

No. But I did see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you see?

[Liv Taylor]

Did you see a dog clitoris for the first time a couple weeks ago?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. Yeah, tell us about it. They're evolving. They. This is good news for Redband.

[Liv Taylor]

I mean, basically, the dog came in because the owner saw, like, a mass on the vulva, which for men, that's the outside of the vagina. Just so you know. That's what it's called. There you go.

[Matt McCusker]

How much pressure do you got to put on them?

[D Madness]

Are you supposed to be inspecting your pets vulva And I didn't know that.

[Liv Taylor]

I mean, it's kind of there for you to see. You know, you can see if a dog. If a dog's a male or female just by looking at it for sure. But, you know, I mean, they were looking. They're looking pretty close, but it was just like right there. It was like. They said it was like a fleshy mass. And then just looking at it, the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how most guys would describe a clitoris in this room. Like, what is that? I don't even know what that is. What's that fleshy mass on the outside there?

[Liv Taylor]

Like?

[Buffy]

I don't know.

[Liv Taylor]

I think I'm. I think that's her clitoris.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So was it. Was it enough?

[Liv Taylor]

It was her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a big.

[Liv Taylor]

It wasn't. It was just. It was just not. It's not. That's not normally where it's like, what

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

kind of dog was it? What kind of. What was the.

[Liv Taylor]

It was like a doodle thing. It was stupid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a doodle thing with a. And it had.

[Liv Taylor]

They mix everything with poodles. They call them doodles. Like, do you know it's Instagram.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And bread bang.

[D Madness]

I'd love to have her on the secret dog show Thursday afternoon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're getting a little bone.

[Matt McCusker]

How much would it cost to get my dog's vulva bigger and like, some, like, nine breast implants?

[Liv Taylor]

It's a whole different specialty dog. That's a whole different. Different specialty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band asked him to ask that question. Wow. So.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Liv Taylor]

The job's a lot of fun. It can be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The job is fun.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Then they have clits.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, it's crazy. Your dog has a. If you have a female dog, it has a. Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do dogs squirt? Is that a thing during sex? Is that ever. Is that possible? Just out of curiosity. Expressing glands.

[Liv Taylor]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

expressing.

[Liv Taylor]

Expressing anal glands. That's different.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's different. Red band.

[Liv Taylor]

I have seen a male dog, like, you know how you'll see funny videos of dogs just, like, humping the air? I've actually seen a dog, like, finish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Liv Taylor]

It's. Ew. It's. It's. It was weird, but I mean, did it pull out?

[Matt McCusker]

Like, how did it.

[Liv Taylor]

No, it was just in the air like, he.

[Remy Swiss]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She does Fuck.

[Liv Taylor]

Hold on. Don't leave me hanging, dog. Don't leave me hanging, dog. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Liv, what size joke book did you get last time you were on?

[Liv Taylor]

I got a big one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, there you go. Keep filling it up. There goes Lib Taylor, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's get one last bucket pull up here. Your final bucket pocket pole of the night. Goes by the name of Ian Sharp, everybody. Ian Sharp. Here we go. We're gonna put our little ribbon on it after this. Wow.

[Ian Sharp]

Thank you guys so much. Thank you for having me here. Thank you for welcoming me into this. On this stage, into this free speech zone where I could say whatever I want with no repercussions whatsoever. Not like out in old free speech zone. You guys know what I'm talking about, right? Can you believe there's things I can't say today in America? For example, Arnold. Arnold, Fuck.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Arnold.

[Ian Sharp]

Pa. Arnold. You know that drink? It's like half sweet tea, half lemonade. Arnold.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Fuck.

[Ian Sharp]

I can't say it. Wish they change it, you know, to something I can say like, I don't know, like retard water, you know, I can say that anytime I want. Retard. It just rolls right off the tongue. You know, some people get mad at that joke, right? They say it's like it's punching down. They say, but if you pay attention, it's not about anybody, right? Like, I'm not calling anybody that. I'm not anti. I'm pro choice. Was that a minute? Was that not a minute?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. There we go. Hi, Ian.

[Remy Swiss]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this your first time on the show?

[Ian Sharp]

So I counted as my first. My first time was on, like a turbo round. So I just went up and did my minute and then you guys got me out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Was that a Vulcan?

[Ian Sharp]

No, it was here.

[Taylor Farrer]

It was here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was like the.

[Ian Sharp]

The record setting. Most guests Ever on the show.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, you're part of history. Welcome back. Ian. This went better, right?

[Ian Sharp]

Absolutely, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Ian Sharp]

Oh, God, like 14 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

14 years. Wow. Where at?

[Ian Sharp]

Chattanooga, Tennessee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What keeps you in Chattanooga?

[Ian Sharp]

Well, nothing. I moved here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All the pussy dogs have clits now. Ian, what do you do for work?

[Ian Sharp]

I do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tech support. Okay, that's cool. Senior IT correspondent Tim Butterley.

[D Madness]

Look, help desk is. That's where you start out. You don't make any money, everyone thinks you're a fucking creep and they treat you like dog. So it's like, this is a bro.

[Ian Sharp]

I feel so seen right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell,

[D Madness]

also, real quick. I really liked your stuff. I thought that was really great, great bit and I was really impressed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[D Madness]

I don't think they gave it up enough. I really love that.

[Remy Swiss]

Shocked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are adorable, Ian. You really are. What's the rest of your life like? What do you do when you're not doing stand up or doing I T?

[Ian Sharp]

A lot of dnd? I put like. I paint miniatures.

[D Madness]

Never mind dungeons.

[Ian Sharp]

Everything you would expect just by looking at me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dragons. What else other than dnd? There must be other things. You magic the Gathering.

[D Madness]

Do you need Warhammer? Sort of.

[Ian Sharp]

Kind of. I mean, I play other games like Warhammer, but I mean, you guys don't want to hear about that. I don't want to go into all that, but, you know, I mean, I.

[D Madness]

I, Bro, you're playing knockoff Warhammer. That's deep, man. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Ian Sharp]

What do you think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever humped the air and came.

[D Madness]

Tony. It's like there before the grace of God go I, man. God bless you, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You watch pornian? What do you think? It's a great. It's a great interview. You're killing it. Just. That could be every answer to every question. What would we find if we looked at your porn search history? What would we find? Ask me what I think.

[Ian Sharp]

So you want a real answer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I want real answers here. No. Yes. Liver shunt. Septic gut. Oh. Oh. That's over the line. All right. What. What would be your honest search history? Give us something good here and honest.

[Ian Sharp]

I. I like the older ladies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[D Madness]

Have you ever kissed an older lady in Austin, Texas?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you?

[Ian Sharp]

Not in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Is there an older lady out there that wants to come up and give this guy a kiss? That's a man for sure. We have the best fans in the world. Is there a woman over? We'll say 40 or 50 out there. Anybody? Still that guy really wants to get on stage. Really? There's not a. I guess there's not even really an older woman. This lady doesn't want it. You can't suggest people, sir. No, they have to want to do it. Come on, there's got to be someone out there.

[D Madness]

What about this lady sitting. Sitting with the male mermaid?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ma', am, I'm looking at you. Yeah. Where?

[Matt McCusker]

That's your husband.

[D Madness]

Holy.

[Matt McCusker]

Where's the lady that blew a 0.18? You guys got her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the.

[D Madness]

Would I sign up right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's nobody. We don't have a four year old. We don't have a hero out there. There's no older ladies. People are point. Still pointing. That's a man, everybody. There's some guys that are so drunk that they are still pointing at the same guy. Nobody. All right, well, someone run out real

[D Madness]

quick and find one.

[Ian Sharp]

This is like my life for begging people to kiss me. It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, dude.

[Lino Rodriguez]

No way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That I don't know about.

[D Madness]

Like a regular age lady or something.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we do. Like a glory hole kiss, maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I'll be on the other side waiting for you. So, Ian, have you gotten. No. No sexual partners whatsoever? You're not interested?

[Lance Armstrong]

What?

[Ian Sharp]

I mean, I wouldn't say that. I've done pretty well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Aya]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How dare you, Tony?

[Ron White]

I do all right.

[Ian Sharp]

I do okay enough to not be sad about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's cool, man. Yeah. You seem happy. I like you, Ian.

[Lance Armstrong]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like you. Thank you, guys. Anything else crazy we should know about you before I let you go?

[Ian Sharp]

I mean, I don't know. I used to kind of be in a marginally successful metal band when I was younger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. What was the name of the metal band?

[Ian Sharp]

Ooh, this is where it gets rough. We were called With Faith or Flames. We were a Christian metal band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What, What. What did you play in the band? I was the vocalist. I was really that guy. Can you give us an example? Can you get. Can you give us a.

[Ian Sharp]

It's been a while, but I'll try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are the songs copy written on YouTube or so?

[Ian Sharp]

I don't think so. I mean, like, I think all the rights have gone back to us at this point. It's been that long?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it'll probably set it off, but yeah. Can you do it slightly out of tune?

[Ian Sharp]

You want me like, you just want me to holler?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have an original? Yeah, just holler. Wow, that's amazing. Ian. Here's the big joke. Book. We love you. And hell yeah. Ian Sharp, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Jesus is flying. He died for our sins. All right, there's only one way to end an episode like this. And what an episode it's been. We have the great Lance Armstrong, Matt McCusker, Tim Butterly. We've seen so much. Aya, Sir. Winston Pickles. Dedrick. Ron White. Pauly Shore, Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the record holder for all time appearances, all time interviews, a living member of the KIL Tony hall of Fame. The greatest kill Tony Regular of all time, ladies and gentlemen, this is the Memphis Strangler. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Big Red Machine. William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Who is the luckiest man in America? Amy Schumer's husband. She's divorcing him. I was driving through Oklahoma this weekend and noticed signs that said, do not pick up hitchhikers. They may be escaped prisoners.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[William Montgomery]

So there are just so many escaped prisoners in Oklahoma that motorists need to be warned. Here's an idea. Use less steel on the escape prisoner warning signs and more on the jail cell bars. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like Beethoven's fifth Symphony is when he really sold out his first ep, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shit.

[William Montgomery]

I wrote a summary of Jesus Sermon on the Mount. And I think I'm just, just going to call them Cliff Notes. Okay, that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, he's done it again. Exactly one minute for the man that's done it more than anybody ever. William. Lights out. McGumball's Montgomery. Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a performance.

[William Montgomery]

So nice to see you. I'm feeling much better this week. I've been on the Row machine. And also, Lance, I really, I grew up watching bicycling with my father. And there's a funny story. My mother was in town maybe a year and a half ago and we see you up in the thing. And my mom was like, yeah. William and his dad used to bike a lot. William's dad was pretty fast. Not as fast as you. And without missing a beat, you say, yeah, no shit. It was hilarious. It really was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't say that at all.

[Dedrick Flynn]

No kidding.

[William Montgomery]

It really is an honor, though, Lance.

[Lino Rodriguez]

It really is an honor.

[Lance Armstrong]

I remember that. I, I, your mom was sweet. I followed you on Instagram. I was like, this is, this is cool.

[Remy Swiss]

This is.

[Michael Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I didn't say right.

[Lance Armstrong]

I thought it, but I didn't say it.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, fair enough. That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. William was a big time bicyclist back in his day.

[William Montgomery]

Still thought you're about to say bisexual.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, still has the calf muscles. Your legs are absolutely ripped. You still got it. It's amazing that your legs don't match your head at all.

[William Montgomery]

I know. I just continue to lose all my hair and I look sicker and sicker. I'm starting to look like Red Band. A little bit in the face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A little bit.

[William Montgomery]

Lance, don't you think you're still a very fit guy? Don't you think Redband needs to do some sort of exercise? I think his fucking fat ass needs to do some sort of exercise. Maybe for his New Year's resolution he can start losing a little weight or something. Don't you think even biking can help? I think something like that, you know, because Redban. Lance, listen to this. Red Band gets a. He finally gets a bike a couple years ago. But it's the kind of bike with

[D Madness]

a motor on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it is true. You can't even make it up. And to this day the pedals are just spotless. That thing. Straight motor, got no pedals. Didn't you have a poster of Lance on your wall growing up?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, I had many pictures of bicyclists on my wall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you were up. Okay, Red Band. Red Band.

[William Montgomery]

I think Red Band had a bunch of Miss Piggy posters.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

On the ceiling. Like a weirdo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's check in with Tim Butter.

[D Madness]

Red Band, do your tires still have those little tiny rubber spots going on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he uses the motor. He. He used the hell out of the motor. He's had to change the oil and he's. Oil? No, I know. It's electric.

[Lance Armstrong]

They're electric and it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, two motors to get my fat ass up the hill. But seriously, do you ever ride that thing? No, I do all the time. Really? In Pflugerville or. Yeah, I mean, I don't ride it much downtown because you can't really park it anywhere, but yeah. Oh, that's why you don't ride your bicycle? Yes, it's the parking is the problem. Like a five thousand dollar bike. Oh yeah.

[D Madness]

Lance, maybe. Maybe you could inspire Red Band by letting him ride on your pegs for a little while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on.

[William Montgomery]

Lance doesn't use pegs, dumbass. What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of succulents.

[William Montgomery]

What kind of succulist do you think Lance is? Dude, seriously. He's not a BMX rider, dumbass. He's not using Peg. Serious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William is.

[William Montgomery]

I got your back, Lance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, can you believe. Yeah. Appreciate it. William is on fire, by the way.

[Lance Armstrong]

By the way, all the poster talk, all this. You didn't follow me back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Fact, fact.

[William Montgomery]

Tonight, let me do it tonight, right after the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Too late. Block him, Lance. Yeah.

[D Madness]

Had your mom up there. Everything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was nice.

[Lance Armstrong]

And nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Why is that, William? Why didn't you follow him back?

[Johansen]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

I'm weird about it on there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I try to.

[William Montgomery]

There's no excuse at all. Oh, my gosh, Lance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you this, Nate.

[D Madness]

Why don't you name my friend Lance's three biggest wins?

[William Montgomery]

I mean, my personal favorite. What was it? 99 was your first Tour de France win. Was it in 99? That was my favorite.

[Johansen]

Honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Everyone knows Tor against Jan Ulrich.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember that.

[William Montgomery]

Pontani. Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I follow you, Lance. And I sent you a picture of a woman's butt a couple months ago. Yeah. You might know red bands won the tour to Italy at the Olive Garden. Yeah. Set the red record. Hey, I got a. I got a hack for you. You want to hear it instead of tour of Italy? Because I don't like the chicken parmesan. You just get a regular lasagna and a kids Alfredo. And as a second side, you're allowed to choose apples or spaghetti. You get the spaghetti and it makes a better tour available. Wow, look at the momentum of the show. Completely come to a halt, everybody. We were all laughing there for a while. And Red.

[William Montgomery]

Babe, be careful. I swear to God, I picture your ass finally having your deadly heart attack. Your face hitting the children's spaghetti.

[Michael Moses]

It's a.

[William Montgomery]

That's, like, so sad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William, lights out. Montgomery. We love you. What an appearance to be here.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One more time for William, everybody. And we did it. Thanks. Surprise, Fix and Shopify. Tim Butterly has The Algonaut the fourth Tuesday of every month with Matt McCusker, who's got his special humble offerings on Netflix right now. How loud can this place get? He had no reason to join us other than being a cool guy. Motherfucking Lance Armstrong. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Oh, that's a Matt McCusker. Look at that. That's amazing. How about one more time for the best? Damn bad and land. The drawing from Ryan J. E Belt is in red Band. Check out Sunset Strip. ATX.com secret show every Thursday. We love you guys. I don't. I don't know if it's sold out yet or not, but Kill Tony, the actual show. Kill Tony is going to Houston and Dallas in February and March. Actual tapings of the real show. So check that out if it's still available. And we love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. It. Sa. Wide awake in her whiskey hole.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I am.

[Aya]

The sunset Strip comedy club in Austin,

[Liv Taylor]

Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sam.