#757 - JEREMY (ADAM RAY) + MATT RIFE

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Kill Tony #757

Guests: Jeremy (Adam Ray), Matt Rife
Date: February 24, 2026
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony, the world’s premier live comedy podcast, delivers its signature blend of unpredictable stand-up, wild interviews, and an anything-can-happen energy. Tonight’s panel features headliner and viral sensation Matt Rife alongside Adam Ray’s recurring character Jeremy, who becomes a standout presence throughout the night. The show is packed with returning fan favorites and new bucket pulls, touching on themes of delusion, addiction, relationships, and the carnivalesque parade of Austin’s eccentric comic hopefuls. There are unforgettable moments of chaos—most memorably a live onstage encounter with a self-proclaimed stalker—all kept rolling with Tony’s acerbic wit and the panel’s relentless riffing.

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Major Segments & Highlights

1. Panel Introductions & Housekeeping [01:01–04:55]

• Tony Hinchcliffe welcomes the audience and introduces Matt Rife (“one of the funniest human beings,” “the man, the myth, the legend”), delivering effusive praise.
• Matt Rife shares he’s “happy to be back in Austin” [03:07].
• Format Reminder: Comics get 60 seconds uninterrupted. When the kitten sound plays, time is up—run over and you get the ‘angry West Hollywood bear’ sound [03:27].

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2. William Montgomery Opens [04:55–13:44]

• Reigning king of all-time appearances, William Montgomery, opens the show with a chaotic minute covering Epstein, spam email woes, Tucson scooter theft, and a Blippi conspiracy.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “Give Epstein credit where credit is due. The guy had zero spam in his inbox.” – William, [04:55]
  • “There was one where all the kids are on the playground and Blippi shows up. It was the new Blippi. And he starts kind of messing with some of the kids in a weird kind of way. He’s touching some of them in their butt area. Seriously, the new guy is this freak kind of person, Tony.” – William, [07:46]
• Riffing on Blippi—a children’s entertainer who has been replaced by multiple actors—becomes a running theme and callback.
• William shares travel stories (including carrying a razor scooter on planes), his affinity for children’s shows, and a “Winnie the Pooh Squishmallow” he brings on the road.

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3. Bucket Pulls: New Faces & Absurd Interviews

Monique Jones Returns [14:11–21:44]

• Monique, a white woman with a “racially ambiguous” name, jokes about southern stereotypes and recounts surviving breast cancer and acting school with Paul Rudd and Adam Scott.
• Quote:
  • “I beat breast cancer.” – Monique [16:12]
  • “It looks like you have tits and you sound drunk, so this is amazing.” – Tony, [16:14]
• She had previously massaged Oliver Stone (“was not trying to get acting work… Should have jerked him off so fast. Dude.” —Matt Rife, [20:51]).

Jeremy’s Unfiltered Lunacy [23:05–34:43]

• “Jeremy” (Adam Ray) emerges as a breakout, delivering a set packed with intentionally awkward, irreverent one-liners about Burger King, Legos, Tobey Maguire’s dating choices, and more.
• Jeremy’s Bag of Trinkets: Every pocket in his fanny pack has a bizarre artifact—astronaut ice cream bars, toy animals, Magic 8-Ball, Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs, toothpicks.
• His candid weirdness and prop comedy win the room; Tony invites Jeremy to join the panel for the remainder of the episode.
  • “Would you guys think we should have Jeremy join on panel for the rest of the episode, huh?” – Tony, [33:45]
  • “Shut the fuck up.” – Jeremy, shocked at the invite, [33:49]

Anthony Fink, Polyglot with Bread Jokes [35:29–44:09]

• Set built around a yeast infection and bread puns; reveals he speaks six languages and has a black, long-distance girlfriend in New York.
• Is pressed for details on making a sex tape; jokes the tape is “out there” on Reddit.
  • “I speak six different languages.” – Anthony, [38:28]
  • “You can bomb in six different languages. It’s incredible.” – Tony, [38:32]
• The panel riffs on racial differences in the bedroom with wild, crass energy.

J.P. Leonard: Cajun Special Ed Administrator [45:16–53:25]

• Stand-up about Lafayette LA’s now-defunct Popeyes buffet (where Anthony Bourdain dined thrice before his suicide).
• Runs a local comedy scene and works in special ed, revealing an improbable, wholesome home life.
  • “All I’m saying is, how do we get Bobby Flay to Waffle House?” – JP, [46:13]
  • Role-plays crisis prevention scenarios with Jeremy.

Kyle: The Oklahoma Hermit [53:48–61:18]

• A first-timer who lives alone in a cabin built by his dad, Kyle’s self-effacing and vulnerable style charms the crowd.
  • “You can’t miss it again.” – on his own specificity, [55:48]
  • Does impromptu bird calls, admits he drove 500 miles just for the show.

Sir Winston Pickles: The Evil British Clown [62:02–68:57]

• Delivers crowd-pleasing black humor and explains his clown “half-and-half” getup.
  • “This, by the way, is little Kwame. I’ve been sponsoring this little guy in Africa... last March, my credit card expired. So he’s dead.” [62:02]
• Banters about clown sex, soothes Jeremy’s “clown fears,” and pokes fun at racial taboos.

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4. Standout Chaos: Stalker Live Onstage [84:18–98:44]

• Ryan Daughtery performs a set, then reveals he drove 25 hours, bringing a RING and FLOWERS (!) for comic Kim Congdon, whom he became fixated on after a 2-hour convo in 2022.
  • “I would say I think about you all the time since we first met.” – Ryan, [89:04]
  • “She’s dead, so I like her a lot more now.” – (re. his mom) [91:38]
• Wild imitation/role-play from Jeremy and “Lindsay” (Jeremy’s ventriloquist dummy girlfriend).
• Audience (and hosts) express palpable discomfort, culminating in Matt Rife suggesting to call Kim, who does not answer.
• Tony’s assessment:
  • “This is a live stalking that is happening right now... the only show in the world [with this].” – Tony, [90:00]
  • “Don’t you think... if you talk to her one more time... you’re going to only like her more, probably?... No, it’s the first one. Stalkerish.” – Tony, [97:21]

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5. Golden Ticket, Regulars, and Signature Riffing

Drew Nickens: TPI & Blippi Redux [99:49–106:27]

• Relishes a recent sexual conquest, delivers his customary blend of wrestling and self-deprecating humor.
• “Fuck yeah” on Blippi—railing against the new Blippi actor, echoing William’s earlier rant.
  • “I loved Blippi because it’s such a…innocent show…then they brought this new guy, and I was like, what the fuck? It turns me to fucking red.” – Drew, [104:10]
• Discusses having to respond to suicidal DMs from fans via Reddit.

Greg Bergman: Neurodivergence & Local Color [106:47–110:02]

• Prepared set lampooning the autism trend, local Austin talk, and being “sick of pedophilia—just hearing about it.”
• Recaps recent misfortunes (dog and grandmother’s deaths).

Thomas La Mountain: “Fast Sex with Old Women” [110:41–116:46]

• Brings energy back up with relentless, punchline-heavy jokes and a killer “Werther’s Originals” line about his balls.

Dedrick Flynn Closes Out [117:20–123:17]

• Former “Dark Storm of Atlanta,” now of Austin, Dedrick delivers the night’s tightest, most confident stand-up set, eviscerating Frontier Airlines and riffing on Black History Month.
  • “Motherfuck Frontier Airlines. Nigga, I hate them bag Nazis, and I don’t support Nazis.” – Dedrick, [117:20]
  • Closes with jokes about slingshots and cleaning up Austin’s 6th St.

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Notable Quotes

• Tony Hinchcliffe:
  • “Thank you. Exactly one minute of I can only describe as pure insanity.” [05:57]
  • “This is a live stalking that is happening right now...” [90:00]
  • “This episode is demented. Let the record show that I’m aware that this is an insane episode.” [110:02]
• Matt Rife:
  • “I would have jerked [Oliver Stone] off so fast. Dude.” [20:51]
  • “Kim’s gonna turn into a fucking lampshade, dude. Oh, my God.” [91:53]
• Jeremy (Adam Ray):
  • “You just got snaked!” [94:05, recurring]

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Timestamp Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Moment | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:07 | Matt Rife introduced | | 04:55 | William Montgomery set and interview | | 14:11 | Monique Jones’ return & breast cancer riff | | 23:05 | Jeremy’s set, fanny pack reveals, joins panel | | 35:29 | Anthony Fink’s bread/yeast story, speaks six languages | | 45:16 | JP Leonard, Popeyes buffet, special ed tales | | 53:48 | Kyle the cabin-dweller, bird calls | | 62:02 | Sir Winston Pickles, evil clown, “Kwame” joke | | 84:18 | Stalker Ryan Daughtery’s confession, Kim Congdon obsession revealed | | 99:49 | Drew Nickens on Blippi, TPI, wrestling | | 106:47 | Greg Bergman: autism & Austin, recent losses | | 110:41 | Thomas La Mountain: “fast sex with old women” bit | | 117:20 | Dedrick Flynn’s Frontier Airlines roast, closing |

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Tone & Language

The language is raw, unfiltered, occasionally offensive, and always quick on the punch. Banter is relentless, merciless, but in the unique spirit of the show that prizes improvisational insult, surreal humor, and letting the oddballs truly shine (or implode). Tony pulls no punches interrogating, riffing, or shutting down bits that derail, while Matt Rife and Jeremy play perfectly off his energy.

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Episode Summary in a Nutshell

• Chaos and Carnivalesque: Guests and bucket pulls range from practiced comics to total novices with wild personal stories. Props, fanny packs, recurring in-show gags (Blippi, Legos, razors, Tic Tacs), and crowd participation all feature prominently.
• Highlights:
  • William’s Blippi obsession.
  • Matt Rife’s smoldering charm and playful roasts.
  • Jeremy’s elevation from comic to panelist—fanny pack tomfoolery is a crowd favorite.
  • A live onstage stalker situation, deftly managed with equal parts humor and discomfort.
  • Black History Month, sexual misadventures, and stand-up about everything from opioids to Popeyes.
• Energy: Unpredictable, raucous, and deeply, unapologetically weird—a “demented episode” in Tony’s words, showing why no comedy show captures the circus of open mic humanity like Kill Tony.

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Hey, this is Grandman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Jeremy]

Get it for Tony Hitchcock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Thanks so much for Brian Randam, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the best damn band in all of the land. Everybody, you made it. You're here. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Bluechew, Talks, Space and Shopify. We got a little hoot nanny in store for you. How you guys feeling tonight?

[Anthony Fink]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas, March 28th. Go to Tony hinchcliff.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. Tony hinchcliff.com, get tickets. Now, who's ready to start tonight's show, huh, guys? Every single week, I book one or two of the world's funniest human beings. One of the biggest comedians on planet Earth is with us tonight. One of my favorite humans, a guy who I can say I've literally basically watched grow up over the past decade and a half and. And now he is a phenom. One of the biggest in the world, one of the best in the world. One of my favorites. Make some fucking noise for the one and only Matt Rife. Oh, yeah, baby Boom. The man, the Biff, the legend is with us. Matt motherfucking Rice on a Monday evening in Austin, Texas. Oh, yeah, Matt does arenas. He's doing Jacksonville, Louisville, all over. Official dot com. How's it going, buddy?

[Matt Rife]

Dude, good, man. Happy to be back in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So good to see you.

[Matt Rife]

48 hours. Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're such a relief on my eyes. I'm used to. I'm used to looking at Red band. And I get to look at. You are just a specimen. Stop. Charming, good looking. I mean absolutely, absolutely incredible. I'm in heaven here tonight.

[Matt Rife]

This is hospitality.

[J.P. Leonard]

I love this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're damn right. Always. We've had so much fun in the past. You know how the show works, Matt. I have a bucket with about 300 comedians names in it. It's absolutely incredible. I'm going to let. I'm going to let this. Gonna let this woman whose mother got kidnapped a couple weeks ago pick the first name out of the bucket. Good for you. Little special treat. You're getting away from all the stress, having a night out of laughter. Good luck with all that. By the way, if your name gets pulled out of the bucket, you know how it works. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. That means their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, you have to wrap it up then or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just loudly interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. Anything can happen. The entire thing is improvised. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Well, we have a special treat for you guys. Normally this guy would close the show, but tonight he is opening the show. He is the record holder for all time appearances on this show. All time interviews. What a way to get things started. Some people call him the Vanilla Gorilla. The Memphis Strangler, the Big Red Machine. This is indeed the one and only William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Give Epstein credit where credit is due. The guy had zero spam in his inbox. Meanwhile, Stubhub emails me every hour asking, wanna go to 17 concerts this weekend? I don't even get Viagra spam anymore. They're probably like, nah, dawg. This dude helpless. Don't even waste a digital stamp. Okay, quick housekeeping note. Probably not the best timing, but when I was in Tucson, somebody stole my razor scooter. So, you know, any help from the local authorities would be greatly appreciated. Okay, that was that one. Let's keep moving. So the mother of a morning show host goes missing and all y' all freak out. Where were y' all when the old Blippi went missing? Oh look, new Blippi. No explanation, no outrage. They replaced the Blues Clues host and we stormed the Capitol. Okay, that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Exactly one minute of I can only describe as pure insanity.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I was hoping the Blippi stuff. I finally got some sort. I've been watching a whole bunch of Blippi recently. Tony. It's a children's show and there's some new guy that is not the original Blippi anymore, but nobody's talking about it.

[Matt Rife]

What's a Blip? What is Blippi?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, Blippi is a tool. Is a character in a children's television show. And there's some new guy parading around is Blippi, but it's not the same Blippi. And it just pisses me off. It's like the woman on the fucking Today show, her fucking mom's gone and everybody's this uproar with everybody and Blippi. Are you looking at who Blippi is?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we're trying to look up new Blippi. We're trying to follow this conspiracy of yours. Make some noise if you heard of Blippi before William talking about it. Oh, wow, look at that, Matt. Looks like me. And you are too busy. You don't have.

[Matt Rife]

You know what that is?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a freak. Yeah, that is true. That's crazy. Watching this.

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. It makes me smile. It makes me laugh. I love it. It's better than Toddlers and Tiaras. I'd been watching that a bunch recently. Seriously? No, but in a sweet way. Because I think if I ever have. If I ever have kids, I want them to do that. I think. So that's why they're calling the police, dude. See, that's sad. That's what my parents say as well. Seriously, it's sad. That's why I'm watching Blippi. It's a fantasy of mine. Maybe a little child sitting a Blippi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think you've watched William 30

[William Montgomery]

or 40 the past week?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is it about doing the Row

[William Montgomery]

Machine and then watching Blippi in the afternoon?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you say this week?

[William Montgomery]

This week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

40 episodes. Yeah, I've been real. It's been real weird, Toady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is an example of some of the things that happen in an episode of Blippi.

[William Montgomery]

Well, there was one where all the kids are on the playground and Blippi shows up. It was the new Blippi. And he starts kind of messing with some of the kids in a weird kind of way. He's touching some of them in their butt area. Seriously, the new guy is this freak kind of person, Tony.

[Matt Rife]

And there's it. Michael Jordan

[William Montgomery]

because he's black or. No, no, no, no.

[Matt Rife]

You didn't see the video from last night from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, no, I saw. Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

Oh, he's diddling, dude.

[Hey Bulstad]

Oh, really?

[Matt Rife]

Oh, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

But I guess if you're Michael Jordan, you're allowed to. It's okay.

[Matt Rife]

I think he gets one.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is more than one actor who has portrayed Blippi. While creator Stephen John originated the role in 2014, actor Clayton Grimm took over the role for live tours and later appeared in videos, followed by Ben Mayer in other separate productions. The change was made to excuse.

[William Montgomery]

Nobody's even talking about Ben Mayer, Tony. That's a third person you're talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't even know about three blippies. This is absolutely incredible. Red Band is shock. It's very popular with many autistic children and adults. Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Red band. How would you describe yourself? How would you say yourself? But I do love it. I recently watched your Twitter. What is it? 12 hours of just cartoon noises and static noises. I watched that. That was a great new video of yours. Red band and fucking 12 hours of cartoon noises. That was genius.

[Matt Rife]

It's for.

[William Montgomery]

And you can do it when you're sleeping. Yeah, I was awake when I watched it and it was really good. But it was 12 hours of that. Red band. That's nuts. That's nuts. Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band specializes in making videos that help you fall asleep. The black screen with muffled cartoon sounds. You can also use any of the podcasts that he does or any of

[William Montgomery]

his stand up comes on in the background. Oh, the dolphins having sex.

[Jeremy]

We get it.

[William Montgomery]

You always say that joke, dumbass. No, I'm kidding. It is a funny joke. People having sex with dolphins or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is a funny joke. So let's talk about it. We went Epstein Spam, Stubhub. What was the joke in between the Epstein.

[William Montgomery]

I love being in email and being in Tucson. Just quick housekeeping announcement. I need my razor scooter back because I was in Tucson when I was there. It was. Honestly, it was a couple months ago. I left my razor scooter. I had it locked up on a telephone pole outside of the comedy club, and when I went back out there, it was gone and nobody's helping me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You take your own personal razor scooter on the road with you?

[William Montgomery]

I've been doing it recently. I get really fast in the airports. I was going. I was flying in Chicago recently, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you use that as your carry on?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, I have it in my backpack. A razor scooter can go down and it goes out of your back.

[Matt Rife]

But I can't. I can't bring toenail clippers. You can have an entire scooter in your carry on.

[William Montgomery]

What do you mean you can't bring toenail clippers? It's a work. You're kidding.

[Matt Rife]

No. You can't bring like small sharp objects. You're bringing an entire blunt object on an airplane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. Razor scooter, weapons. Especially with a guy walking through with a face like that, like. Oh, we can trust this guy. Nothing suspicious about him having a razor scooter. Yeah, but can have a razor scooter but not an actual razor.

[Matt Rife]

Interesting.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, that's the time we live in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else do you sneak through tsa? Give us an example. Of what.

[William Montgomery]

I don't think I need to be talking about what I'm sneaking through tsa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us an example, please. Name some things that are in your carry on bag. What else is in that bag? How many of you want to know what's in Williams backpack? O the world wants to know.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, Tony. I mean a lot of the time I got a couple boxers in there, Tony. What else?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what was that?

[William Montgomery]

Boxers like boxers or boxer breed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yes.

[Matt Rife]

Can you back up half a stone?

[J.P. Leonard]

Sorry.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Please.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Thank you.

[William Montgomery]

I have a bunch of cords in there, Tony, for different charging stuff. Yeah, that one wasn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, not that exciting. Okay. What else do you got that in there, William?

[William Montgomery]

A whole bunch of marijuana, Tony. I'm kidding. I never travel with that.

[Greg Bergman]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can. It's okay. They don't care about that. What else?

[William Montgomery]

Always my notebook today cuz I got my. I gotta looking at my jokes on the set, so I gotta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, come on, give us something that's a little off the beaten path. You have any, anything in that area in the front where it's like a bunch of little things kind of clanking around in there. Oh, he's thinking hard. This is gonna be good. And he oinks. Look at him thinking. This is what people that watch Blippi do with the microphone against their face. It makes them feel comfortable, like a fire truck. A lot of Blippi family.

[William Montgomery]

Oh my gosh, no, Tony. You know what I have been bringing? I got this really nice little Winnie the Pooh squishmallow. A real small one. And I sleep with that at night. And I've been bringing that with me. God help me, Tony. All right. I'm starting to sweat up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good. It's good for you to sweat sometimes. It's good for you. You've been rowing.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I'm up to 210000 meters since the beginning of February. We're talking of over A hundred what, 120 miles or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've.

[J.P. Leonard]

It's.

[William Montgomery]

It's I'm obsessively doing it now. So it's.

[J.P. Leonard]

It's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel good.

[William Montgomery]

I'm watching the kids shows. I'm doing rowing. Things are getting better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no better time for a successful person to be watching children's shows than right now. Nothing suspicious about it whatsoever. If anyone out in Tucson sees a razor scooter, the green wheels. Green wheels, Yep. There you go. If anybody has it, I made Matt laugh on them return it because it's so specific.

[William Montgomery]

The green wheels on there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is shockingly specific. William, what a great way to start the show.

[William Montgomery]

Thanks so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you. The legend, the hall of famer, going up first. What a way to get tonight's show. So you guys having fun already, huh? That's right. So now we slide over to our first bucket pool of the night. This is where things get interesting. This is where we meet people. This is the biggest moment of their lives, without a doubt. So make some noise for your first bucketful. Monique Jones, everybody. Here we go.

[Monique Jones]

How we doing? I'm aware that when you heard Monique Jones coming to the stage, this is not what you expected. I look like the lady who called the cops on Monique Jones. Dude, your Cabbage Patch Kid grew up, right? Makes it easy to look me up. It's Monique Jones, and I'm the white one. I first became aware of the racial profiling of my name in high school. From North Carolina. Anybody from the South? Hell, yeah. Grits, baby. What's up? How you doing? I went to meet my boyfriend's parents at his house, and his mom answered the door. I said, hey, I'm Monique Jones. And she said, really? God, look at you. Look at you. We were just talking about you over prayer. It was so nice of them to pray for me before they even met me. So nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get out the good napkin.

[Monique Jones]

She's a keeper. Okay. It's fucking racist.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi, Monique. Welcome.

[Monique Jones]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good stuff. You've been on this show before, correct?

[Monique Jones]

I have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago was that? Minute.

[Monique Jones]

It's 2018.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

2018. That is indeed a minute.

[Monique Jones]

Dom Herrera was on the Dom. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Awesome. The main room of the Comedy Store.

[Monique Jones]

Yep, main room. It was live, I believe, back then. 303.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

2018. Wow, look at that. Amazing. Here we are.

[Monique Jones]

Here we are. It's fucking packed in here. We used to be able to sit there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, enough about 2018. We're in 2026 now, you batty bitch. Welcome to the present. Here we are. So tell us, Monique. Update us with your life. What's changed in the past eight years.

[Monique Jones]

I'm still sober. I had just gotten sober in 2017. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. I beat breast cancer.

[Greg Bergman]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Monique Jones]

I got a pop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is all absolutely incredible because it looks like you have tits and you sound drunk, so this is amazing. It's all.

[Monique Jones]

Do I sound drunk? Am I not?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm kidding, Monique. Keep going. What else?

[Monique Jones]

I moved out here a couple of years ago, right after the surgery. Anyway, so now I took one of your boobs. They just took a lump. Lumpectomy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Monique Jones]

But then they took my hormones because they put you on those hormone pills that block your hormones. So I was a shell of myself until now. Until now. You guys are like, fuck, this is a comedy show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Monique Jones]

Anyway, I say you're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a shell of yourself. What exactly do you mean?

[Monique Jones]

Imagine, like, zero hormones, non detectable, and they give you drugs to block them because it was estrogen receptor positive, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, like, you can't get it. You don't want to get out of bed. You want to fucking die. I mean, just. And then one day you're like, okay. And then I do some comedy. And then I was. Anyway, it was just, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you get out of it? What? What?

[Monique Jones]

I started taking hormones again.

[Matt Rife]

Pretty ungrateful. Some people pay good money for hormone blockers these days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it. A lot of lumpectomies going on. All right. Where do you live now, Moody?

[Monique Jones]

I don't recommend it. I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in Austin, Texas?

[Monique Jones]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago did you move here?

[Monique Jones]

I moved here. End of 2023.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Monique Jones]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been signing up for the show since then? I have a little break.

[Monique Jones]

It's been intermittent. I wasn't. Right. I mean, I actually got here, I did some showcasing for Adam. I just. My body was not ready. That was a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bombed and out of the booker, and you're blaming your hormones on that?

[Monique Jones]

Yes. Fuck yes, dude. I was like. But he called me back twice.

[Greg Bergman]

Okay.

[Monique Jones]

Yeah, yeah. So I've gotten a little bit of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Sounds like you had one of the breasts out of the night. All right. There's no getting that one back. That lump is gone. So, Monique, tell us about what you've been doing for fun. Give us something exciting about your life other than your lack of hormones and whatnot.

[Monique Jones]

I was gonna. I was like, thinking, like, what do I say? What am I gonna talk about? I went to acting school with. Sorry. Now I'm gonna forget Paul Rudd and Adam Scott. So I thought that would be interesting to talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What year was that?

[Monique Jones]

That was like 94. I graduated. They graduated in 93 and 91.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Matt Rife]

I was born in 95.

[Monique Jones]

I know.

[Anthony Fink]

Dud.

[Monique Jones]

I feeling it.

[Jeremy]

Trying to.

[Monique Jones]

You could be my kid, dude.

[Jeremy]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's wild to think about.

[Monique Jones]

Mom. That is insane.

[Matt Rife]

No, my mom's got huge tits. Huge, huge tits, dude.

[Monique Jones]

I guess cancer free tits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess the t. I guess the funny skipped a generation with this family over here. Oh, no, Monique, you're. Oh, my name was Monique. I'd have the great first joke too.

[Monique Jones]

You gave me on that show. I look like the lady who would call the cops on Monique Jones.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're exactly right. So technically I wrote your one good joke for you. There you go. Eight years ago and it's still working.

[Monique Jones]

I thought for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Monique, any other crazy fun fact about your life that we'd find interesting?

[Drew Nickens]

I.

[Monique Jones]

My first roommate in. In that school, the American Academy, was Tim Conway's stepdaughter. It's pretty cool. Tim Conway, sure. It's an old reference and.

[Matt Rife]

Stepdaughter? Yeah, it's like a direct relative.

[Monique Jones]

Yeah, it's a Kill Tony crowd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Monique's a rough interview. I'm like, what's interesting about you? She's like, I want Uber drove for Blippi number three.

[Monique Jones]

I'm a massage therapist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Now, Red band's going to invite you to the secret show on Thursday. Congratulations.

[Monique Jones]

Yeah. Got something out of Oliver Stone for two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, really?

[Monique Jones]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Oliver Stone is.

[Monique Jones]

Heard of him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The director?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Monique Jones]

In Los Angeles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Monique, over here. I don't know why you keep fucking looking over there.

[Matt Rife]

How bad of an actor can you be to massage famous director and still not get work?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a great point.

[Matt Rife]

I don't know that for sure.

[Jeremy]

I don't know that for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a great point. You're talking about Oliver Stone, the director. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Anthony Fink]

What did he do?

[Monique Jones]

Right? I was not trying to get acting work from Oliver Stone. I was trying to just stay as

[Matt Rife]

massage mistake number one.

[Monique Jones]

And you're exactly right.

[Matt Rife]

I would have jerked him off so fast. Dude.

[Monique Jones]

I wasn't trying to get that kind of work though. But no, I should have. Yeah, I didn't.

[Matt Rife]

What did he do? What did he direct?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band said, jfk. Natural Born Killers. I do believe there's some good ones. It's a little. It's a little. Yeah. JFK is a good one Year did that come out?

[Monique Jones]

He's. He's still direct. He's he's like one of the most famous directors.

[Matt Rife]

I mean, he was watching this. I will jerk you off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, wherever. He was smart enough to be one of the few directors in Hollywood that would let something like this give them massages instead of. Instead of children or whatever they were doing. Oliver Stone. Red Band's typing in Oliver Jones. And now he's officially typed in Oliver Stones, plural. Everybody, if you're looking. There you go. There you go.

[Monique Jones]

Thanks, Redb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the Doors was a good one. He contributed to Scarface, but I don't think he directed it. It. But it says Scarface they're giving him credit for. But that was directed by. What's his name. That's right. Okie dokie. Well, Monique, fun times. Here's a medium sized joke book from Bonsai. Boom. There you go. Caught it right against the quarter tip. There goes Monique. Everybody, this is Kill Tony. It has begun. All right, to the bucket we go. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Two blonde bombshells at once. I can't handle this.

[Matt Rife]

I thought it was William again for a second. It scared the shit out of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, this seems too good to be true, everybody, because we've seen this guy before. This must be different than the name, because this guy's a legend on this show. If this is who I think it is. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Jeremy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it is him.

[Jeremy]

Make some noise if you have hiv. Gotcha. So what's up? My name's Jeremy. A little bit about me. Recently tried to get a job at Burger King, but closest one to me was within 500ft of a school. So I guess I can't have it my way. And that's what's up. Been doing a lot of Legos recently. Give it up. Yeah, they show you on the box what it's supposed to be when you finish it, but a friend of mine told me you can turn anything into titties. Thanks, Redband. I'm single. Tobey Maguire's not single. Tobey Maguire's 50 years old. He's saying a 20 year old. When asked to comment on the situation, Batman said, so I guess Spider man isn't a gay guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi.

[Jeremy]

My dream girl is Erica Kirk. Oh, yeah. I'm thinking about shooting my shot. No, she's fucking. She's fucking. She's hot, man. She fucking got over him quick. She was like. She was sad for two days and then she was like, it's all good. And then she was like, who wants a merch? My mom took my Pokemon cards when I was seven. I still haven't forgiven that bitch. That's what's up. My mom's boyfriend Jerry.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Fuck him.

[Jeremy]

I hope he dies in his sleep. He's always calling me a virgin. I'm like, that's not what your Fleshlight said last night. No, but I can't wait to have sex. I can't wait to do intercourse. I already know what flavor I want. Super duper black. But not like Halle Berry or Queen Latifah. I want that fucking girl on TikTok who sings Dr. Pepper, Baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's good and nice.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Doodle.

[Jeremy]

That's what's up.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm a fucker.

[Jeremy]

So good. She's gonna be like, jeremy's got a sweet dick, but he comes too fast. Dooly loop. All right. Fuck, I suck. I got a few others, but I was nervous. If I do these real quick. I used to ride scooters in Austin, but then I got hurt when a bunch of kids pointed at my helmet and called me a pussy. Now I take the bus. Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of the bus, which is crazy. Cause that's the best place to match the. Okay, you guys see if Bill Gates got an STD on Epstein island, he should have downloaded some antivirus software. That's what's up. You guys see that Michael Jordan video? Oh, Matt Rifer's talking about Michael Jordan video. He got. Dude, he got fucking. He was at Daytona 500 fucking. Just going like, fucking. He was like, I know. Scottie Pippen. Just some little kid. It's so fucking weird. What's with all these Michaels touching fucking butts? Michael Phelps is sitting at home like, I'm gonna just stay in the pool. I've been watching the Olympics. Don't let the media lie to you. The Jamaican pop team. Fucking dog shit. They be Jamaican. A bunch of mistakes out there. Shit. Nicki Minaj is a trumper. It's all good. All politics aside, I still banger that ass. Is a bipartisan issue. That's what's up. Keep it going for red Band. More like bread pan, you fat. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry. I love you. Ribband. Fuck. I'm sorry. Shit. What else? Roger Parks. Toby Maguire going for William Montgomery. That's one of my favorite comics of all time, William Montgomery. William Montgomery looks like Kathy Griffin fucked Peter Griffin and gave birth to Blake Griffin. And that's what's up. That's my time. Thank you so much, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. The great Jeremy. Ladies. Whoa. Whoa. Oh. Jeremy is back.

[Jeremy]

My heart is pounding.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have watched Jeremy make his comedy debut on this show.

[Jeremy]

We've super nervous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's been on panel once before, and now he's back. You signed up tonight, Jeremy. What brings you to Austin, Texas?

[Jeremy]

So I live in San Antonio and quick drive down. Mom's boyfriend Jerry has some work to do. I was like, he's talking to me. So I got in the car and I said, fucking go sign up for Kill Tony. And I did not expect to be called, to be honest with you. This is fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you pull out of your fanny pack?

[Jeremy]

Oh, I recently got into these astronaut ice cream bars. They're high in protein just in case Gayle King and Katy Perry are like, yo, Jeremy, you want to go to space tonight? I'll be like, fuck, yeah. I got some fucking treats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a real space bar.

[Jeremy]

Baked ice cream bar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it looks very Matt Rife.

[Jeremy]

I know you don't eat like this, but you want some? Yeah. No, it's not. Oh, you are funny, dude.

[Matt Rife]

Tell me this doesn't feel fake.

[Jeremy]

Dude, no way. These are real. They're very real. They were six bucks, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's got to be real. Jeremy, you take a bite before you kill Matt the Great.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, maybe. I mean, it's.

[Matt Rife]

Cheers.

[Jeremy]

Cheers, baby.

[Matt Rife]

Oh, dude, this is your diary.

[Jeremy]

I just. Cheers. Ice cream sandwiches with Matt Rice. That sucks. You want that breakfast? You don't have to eat that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that, 80% fentanyl? Oh, yeah. That's wild, Jeremy. What else you got in that? And you guys want to see what Jeremy has in his fanny pack? You don't.

[Jeremy]

You don't have to. So glad you asked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's the thing. It's not that bad. Really.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

For real?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are all bad.

[Jeremy]

Oh, dude, NASA's so pumped right now. NASA? NASA.

[Matt Rife]

I heard you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Jeremy]

All right, so I got a tiny box of Kids City critters with, like, mini animals in case you're bored. You. You got, like, raccoons in here and shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What exactly are do those do? Oh, my goodness.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Dude, I've been.

[Jeremy]

I've been to, like, three parties, and every time I'm sitting around a party mall, it's like, this place, this vibe, sucks. Everyone's fucking, and I'm just sitting there playing my second game gear, you know, listening to some Sugar Ray, and then I'll just. There'll be some fucking girl next to me, and she's like, so, what do

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you do for work?

[Jeremy]

And I'll be Like, I'm a snake guy, you know? She's like, oh, her boobs are like. So what else? Oh, koosh ball. How many times you been sitting around just being like, I'm so bored. And they just go, boop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

Not bored anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. You have so many fun things.

[Jeremy]

Oh, I got this at Bucky. Whoa. It's a. It's a. Like a match gate ball. It's got. You press it. It says yes. Try again maybe. So go ahead. You want to ask. You want to ask me a question?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How was your day today? Is it going well?

[Jeremy]

Okay.

[Matt Rife]

How could that even be on there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Jeremy]

Thanks for setting me up for that. So that's fun for parties and shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I.

[Jeremy]

Can I. Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Jeremy]

I didn't know that, girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't know they made those.

[Jeremy]

Well, you gotta get on Google, Tony. They got pretty much everything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs.

[Jeremy]

Yep, they're good. And nice cinnamon toothpicks. Big toothpick guy in 2026.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Wow, Jeremy, this is absolutely incredible.

[Jeremy]

Little bag in case you got, like, you want to be a good. You know, you pick up some or something. Austin. You know, Austin, there's a game I always play when I go outside in sixth grade. I go, is that real? Is that real shit or is that comb? You know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then you grab it and what then what do you do? How do you find. How do you find out if it is real shit or not?

[Jeremy]

I don't want to answer that. I pick it up, try to clean up the streets. And then I got Advil just in case I get heartburn, headaches, migraines.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You take Advil for heartburn?

[Jeremy]

Yeah. And I get. It's not. I don't say they're the boners are. You ever see those commercials where it's like, if your erection lasts more than four hours, you're. You know, you're probably black, you know, But. But there. My last doctor I went to, he was like, jeremy, you got. Taking Advil for your heart, your cholesterol. And, like, I get random boners and stuff. And, like, I'm only 38, so I'm like, that's what's up. But I don't want to be. You know, it's just. I don't know. I probably take too many pills, but. Matt, right, if you take pills, you take supplements and stuff, right? Dick pills or supplements, like vitamins and stuff?

[Matt Rife]

No, not really.

[Jeremy]

All natural.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Matt Rife]

All natural.

[Jeremy]

What's up?

[Matt Rife]

I popped a him or Two, though. Who Hymns.

[Jeremy]

Who's that?

[Matt Rife]

You never taking the pronoun pills?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Matt Rife]

Oh, dude, they're so good. You guys ever take a hymns pill?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay about it.

[Matt Rife]

Pretty funny, you guys. Pretty funny to not act like. You know what? That is pretty funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Better than hims is bluechew. If you guys really want Blue Chew, it happens to be tonight sponsor. Yes, I brought it up. Shopify. So if you're wondering what he said before when that beep happened. It was the N word, everybody. Matt said the N word.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm kidding. You have to say I'm kidding now we're like a conspiracy theory will start anyway. Jeremy, I gotta tell you, you are so interesting. And even though I have one of the biggest comedians in the world right now here, I think you know, I've always loved you, Jeremy. I've always considered you part of the family. I don't know what it is. You remind me of somebody that I maybe have an unbelievable working relationship with. Would you guys think we should have Jeremy join on panel for the rest of the episode, huh?

[Jeremy]

Shut the fuck up.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Shut the fuck up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, Jeremy. Get over here. Wow. Come on, Jeremy joining for the rest of the show. Jeremy, everybody. Wow. Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You got snake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Jeremy]

Red man's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he probably madness. Sorry, D. Redman figured out the one stupid thing he could have done with that snake.

[Matt Rife]

I'll talk to the blind guy.

[Jeremy]

It was super funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Luckily, D's laughing like.

[Jeremy]

What's up, D? Not much. She's still looking at me. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Jeremy, we're gonna get back to this bucket. We had Monique Jones on earlier. William Montgomery. Seems like you're all caught up.

[J.P. Leonard]

Don't touch me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a great. What a great panel.

[Jeremy]

I mean, walking Matt Rife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, this is incred. You can.

[Matt Rife]

When I met you, I looked like this. How long I've known you?

[Kyle]

That's.

[Jeremy]

So you're saying it gets better?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

All right.

[Jeremy]

That's what's up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10, 15 years. You could look exactly like that or red man.

[Jeremy]

I'll take either, though. I'll take either.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to get another bucket pull up here. How about one more time for Jeremy, everybody? Your next bucket full has to follow that. Not easy to do. We're gonna meet them all together. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Anthony Fink, everybody. One minute uninterrupted for Anthony Fink.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Thank you.

[Anthony Fink]

Thank you. What's up, Austin? I'm not a really smart guy. I've had two Disengagements in my life. My last ex, she broke up with me because she had a yeast infection. And yeah, she really loved this joke for two reasons. One, because I kept bringing up the fact that she had a yeast infection. The second reason was because while she was going through it, I kept chasing around the house asking her what kind of bread she was making. Like, is it sourdough? Then she'd get mad. I'd be like, well, you're definitely being a bit of a sour puss. Sorry, guys. I know you're tired of these bread jokes. Much like her, she got over them pretty fast. Just a real gluten for punishment. Like I said, I'm not really a smart guy. I used to think Lance and Neil Armstrong were the same guy until about 2009. Yeah. Nobody else. Okay. Got a crowd full of liars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Anthony Fink]

I don't have time to finish it. That'll work right there. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Anthony Fink. Anthony, do you have a hilarious stuff in your fanny pack by any chance that could help?

[Anthony Fink]

This took it backstage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony, how long you been doing stand up?

[Anthony Fink]

Five to seven years. I took a few years off during COVID but I started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say a few, did you. Do you perhaps mean five to seven years?

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah, five to seven.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's more like how often do you perform? How often do you get on stage these days?

[Anthony Fink]

Just like two to three times a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How come?

[Anthony Fink]

You know, just didn't get back in the swing of things until recently. So just kind of working, working my way back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened? Why did you take a break?

[Anthony Fink]

A couple reasons. Well, one, covet shut everything down and then waiting for it to come back. Work kind of got in the way. And what do you do for work shift? I don't work there anymore. I was working for Lockheed Martin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What were you doing there?

[Anthony Fink]

I was working on the production line. Nothing. No alien or cool stuff. Don't worry, guys. Nothing cool. At Lockheed, there's no big secrets. But I was just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody thinks you're doing anything cool.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah, no, I didn't think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't worry, I didn't think so. So Lockheed Martin took a lot of your time and your energy and now you're getting back in the stand up slowly at about two or three times a week. Yep. And you just did my girlfriend has a yeast infection bread jokes and closed it out with a big Lance and Neil Armstrong because they have the same last name but no real connection. You just said the. You thought they were the same person and you called the audience Liars.

[Anthony Fink]

I feel like everyone else has made that misconception. I'm not the only person.

[Hey Bulstad]

Right.

[Anthony Fink]

Does anyone else?

[Jeremy]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I mean, they both have the last name Armstrong. Let's talk about your life. Anthony, give us something interesting about you.

[Anthony Fink]

Interesting? I speak six different languages.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You can bomb in six different languages. It's incredible. What are the six languages? Languages?

[Anthony Fink]

I do English, Spanish, German, Chinese.

[Jeremy]

Can you do, like, a mashup? Like a comp. Like a. Like a German Japanese? Like a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a Chinese German type of Asian fusion?

[Anthony Fink]

Like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Matt Rife]

I don't know enough to call.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I don't think any of us

[William Montgomery]

do

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Spanish and German. What did you say?

[Anthony Fink]

Hola. Como estas and geminsams in. We're start. Just means together. We are strong in German.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yay.

[Jeremy]

No, that's what's up. That's a sweet sentiment. That's a sweet sentiment.

[Hey Bulstad]

Just got called gay by the guy

[Anthony Fink]

with blonde bleach hair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, that was Jeremy, the call.

[Matt Rife]

I was being nice.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That

[Anthony Fink]

and if Matt was doing a Matt R impression.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's okay. Sorry. It's okay. So tell us, what is your love life like? Do you have a girlfriend right now? Yeah.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah, I do, surprisingly enough. She lives in New York. She's a black woman.

[Jeremy]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, whoa.

[Anthony Fink]

It's all right.

[Matt Rife]

She's making pumper nickel.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. That is the Black east infection joke.

[Matt Rife]

Zing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Jeremy]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think we just pulled a Monique for him. I think Matt Rife just wrote your joke for you. Good. There you go.

[Anthony Fink]

Take it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the joke.

[Jeremy]

Where'd you meet her?

[Anthony Fink]

On Hinge? Yeah, she lived in Dallas at the time, and we met at a DeLuca pizza place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You met, like, you met online and then at a pizza place. So you ran into each other at a pizza?

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah, we met on Hinge. Messaged a couple times, back and forth. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happened? So you're eating pizza. What kind of pizza did you get that day? Do you remember?

[Anthony Fink]

I got a. Dude, I treat DeLuca like it's Cici's pizza, and I had, like, 25 slices. And leaving the crust on the table, like an absolute piece of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And yeah, you ate it on stage here tonight.

[Anthony Fink]

I sure did, but I usually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about her? Do you remember what kind of pizza she got?

[Anthony Fink]

It was. It's like a buffet style, so it's kind of really hard to say. They have, like, everything from, like, basics to a bunch of unique ones. It's like a think of Cece.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unique is her sister's name? Okie dokie. Anthony. So how long have you been with this black girl?

[Anthony Fink]

It's been a year and three months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does she do for work?

[Anthony Fink]

She is a communications director for a tech company.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there something that you realized when having sex with your black girlfriend that is different than having sex with a white woman? Can you tell this audience, especially Jeremy, really wants to know and if you

[Jeremy]

have any sort of video proof, that would be awesome.

[Anthony Fink]

Funny you should mention that.

[Jeremy]

No, I'm very serious.

[Anthony Fink]

Get with me after the show.

[Hey Bulstad]

I got you.

[Jeremy]

Let's go.

[Anthony Fink]

I got you. Yeah, no big difference. Would just be way more cheeks, that's for sure. It's warmer.

[Jeremy]

What does that mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. That is. That is what's.

[Jeremy]

What's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's warmer?

[Jeremy]

I think that's what I'm trying to ask. Yeah.

[Anthony Fink]

What's warmer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, like the inside of the vaginas.

[Anthony Fink]

The inside? Yeah, like the whole thing. Even the outside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jeremy]

Why is the outside also warm?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there's. There's a couple reasons.

[Anthony Fink]

That's a good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They absorb the sun

[Jeremy]

too much vitamin D will do that to you.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah, it's from all the perineum sunbathing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie.

[Jeremy]

Oh, wait a. Suck the energy out of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony, you said. Funny you mentioned that, like, you might actually have a sex tape out there. Do you? Did. Have you guys recorded yourselves having sex? Yes, but it's only for your own personal viewing.

[Anthony Fink]

No, no, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys made a porno?

[Hey Bulstad]

Yep.

[Anthony Fink]

It's out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where. Where can people find this at Red band.

[Anthony Fink]

You've got it pulled up.

[Jeremy]

Oh, you just got snaked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, oh, here it comes. Oh, whoa. Different couch.

[Hey Bulstad]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jeremy]

Sorry, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See, there's a snake on the loose. All right. Okay. So is it really out there? Did you really make a porn? Can you at least describe the porn to us? Are you playing a character? Is it just like, hey, what's up?

[Anthony Fink]

No, it's not great. Like, we don't have a production crew like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Didn't you go to acting school with Paul Rudd in 94?

[Anthony Fink]

Do I look that old?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How can people find it?

[Anthony Fink]

How?

[Jeremy]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How can people find the a sex tape? It's out there. What would it be labeled under?

[Anthony Fink]

It's on Reddit.

[Jeremy]

Is it on dashboard confessional.com? because you look like the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Okay?

[Jeremy]

Nobody knows who that band is. That sucks.

[Anthony Fink]

Hey, you're vindicated, okay? Yeah. All right, One person got that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's gonna be Able to see Anthony's finest work.

[Jeremy]

What was the coolest movie you did in the tape? Like, what was like. Because I haven't done it. So, like, what's. What If I'm gonna make a sex tape, what's the opening move?

[Anthony Fink]

It's the. The opening move on the sex tape.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, what's. What was the highlight of the sex tape? Let's ask that.

[J.P. Leonard]

Coming.

[Anthony Fink]

That was the best part of the sex tape. It was mostly just pov, close up. So no really, like, good moves to really see. Just. Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

I don't know that I want to see him.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Anthony Fink]

Gotta keep our faces out of it, you know?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

I've never jerked off the Danny Masterson before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That would be kid porn.

[Anthony Fink]

So you wouldn't want to do that, probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is probably a good idea. You do be looking like that. No doubt about it. Do people tell you that a lot?

[Anthony Fink]

I've gotten it lately.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah.

[Anthony Fink]

I've gotten the hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you going for that? Because it seems.

[Anthony Fink]

No, no, I'm not going for it, but I have been getting it lately. I don't know if it's the sideburns

[Jeremy]

or the yellow glasses, but with a real rapey vibe. Maybe it's that. You ever think about that?

[Anthony Fink]

Y' all are so safe with me. Y' all are so safe. Not you. You're safe. You're definitely safe, Anthony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's try again another time. Here's a little joke book. There he goes. Anthony Fink. We're going to keep it moving along. I tried. I tried with that one. All right, let's meet somebody else. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for J.P. leonard, everybody. Oh, there's Heidi. Make noise for Heidi, everybody. JP Laugh Leonard.

[J.P. Leonard]

I am from Louisiana. Cajun country. Settle down. And everyone wants to come to Cajun country. They want to see all the stuff we have. And I'm like, look, I live there. My favorite place closed during COVID And that was an all you can eat Popeyes buffet. That's right.

[Jeremy]

I don't know if you know this.

[J.P. Leonard]

Lafayette, Louisiana, is home to the only Popeyes Buffet in the world. And it was beautiful. Full menu, fried chicken, white meat, dark meat, all the sides you can have, and all the biscuits and ketchup you can fucking eat. And people ask me, was it good? And I'm like, you shut your damn mouth. And then I look them in the eyes and I tell them. In May 2018, world class chef Anthony Bourdain came to Lafayette to film an episode of his TV show. And he Ate at that Popeyes buffet three days in a row, and less than six weeks later, he killed himself. So was it good? You goddamn right it was good. All I'm saying is, how do we get Bobby Flay to Waffle House?

[Dedrick Flynn]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Anthony Fink]

That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. 56 seconds of J.P. leonard. J.P. you look like you're new here, right?

[Kyle]

I am.

[J.P. Leonard]

First time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[J.P. Leonard]

A little over 10.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 years. Where at?

[J.P. Leonard]

Lafayette, Louisiana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You've been there the whole time?

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Still live there? Yep.

[J.P. Leonard]

I run a scene out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. You have a family?

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah, I do. Wife, two kids, two dogs, three cats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Yeah, I love it. I love it. What do you do for work?

[J.P. Leonard]

I'm education, so I work from home now, so. Virtual school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Virtual school. What are you teaching?

[J.P. Leonard]

I'm not. I do special ed stuff. Ieps, all that good stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Jeremy, this may be one of your.

[Jeremy]

You speak my language.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

I also love Popeyes.

[J.P. Leonard]

I know. Good to see you again, though.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of your former great teachers.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, no, I definitely did. I did all that all the way through grade school. It was. I mean, I was one of the more advanced. You know, everybody was, like, chewing on, and I was like, let's.

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah, you can. But you can swallow. Yeah.

[Jeremy]

What's that?

[J.P. Leonard]

You can swallow.

[Jeremy]

So I could swallow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[J.P. Leonard]

Okay, keep going. All right.

[Jeremy]

I might be a virgin, but I'm. I still like, girl. Yeah. What the was that?

[J.P. Leonard]

None. None.

[Jeremy]

I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. J.P. can you get him?

[Jeremy]

Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

J.P. can you give us an example of times where you've noticed something funny while teaching special ed online?

[J.P. Leonard]

I didn't teach for long, so I do, like, IEPs and stuff, and I was a supervisor, like the. The plant. Jeremy. You got it. The plans for special education kids, you know, it's like the document. Yeah, but I was a assistant principal before that. I've kind of been in everything, so mostly out the classroom my whole time, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Is it. Is it easy doing that for the special ed industry? Because, like, I would call them an

[J.P. Leonard]

industry, but, yeah, it's. I mean, they're not out on the dial, but, you know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

they're on the dirt. You said it. Amazing.

[J.P. Leonard]

No, man, I loved it. I mean, I did teach for a couple years and then moved into supervisor roles and everything, but, yeah, I love it. Education. It's been 23 years I've been doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's great. That is just great. Jeremy, that's enough.

[Jeremy]

Any. Any of the kids Ever try to fight you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I've.

[J.P. Leonard]

I've been cool. I was cool. I was a. I was a cool teacher at the time I taught, so.

[Jeremy]

But did you. But did anybody ever, like, just off their meds on the spectrum just come for you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Jeremy]

Did you ever think. Did you ever take self defense? Like, did you ever think about, like, what if? Because you always got to be in any sort of. Of supervisor role. You got to play the what if game, right?

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah, you do. It's called CPI training Crisis Prevention. So you try to de. Escalate the thing.

[Jeremy]

All right, Hit me with some music real quick, fellas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's see what happens.

[Jeremy]

Let's say there's a little crisis. Let's say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's see if you remember your cbi. Here's Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Let's say. Let's say you're at a ATM machine, so you're trying to get some cash out. And I just got. I just got done getting Taco Bell and I realized I was a little short on cash and I gotta get some money to go back to get the nachos. Right, Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

And you're at the machine and all of a sudden.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And here we go. Wow.

[Hey Bulstad]

Look at.

[Jeremy]

Hey, brother, give me a gun or give me.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I have a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

So. All right.

[Matt Rife]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, here we go. You got a little.

[J.P. Leonard]

I gotta get more money.

[Kyle]

All right.

[Jeremy]

Hey, do you mind if I borrow a five dollar bill?

[J.P. Leonard]

No, you go sit.

[Jeremy]

I was just kidding.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Suck my dick.

[Jeremy]

What do you do?

[J.P. Leonard]

I won't suck your dick.

[Ryan Daughtery]

And you.

[J.P. Leonard]

You just go sit down.

[Jeremy]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

It works with them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

Way to improvise, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crisis prevented. Without a doubt.

[J.P. Leonard]

I've never had that much spit on my ear, so it was kind of weird, you know?

[Jeremy]

Well, it's not the first time. You probably had that.

[J.P. Leonard]

Oh, boy.

[Jeremy]

From the kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jp, how long have you been with your baby Mama?

[J.P. Leonard]

We made 22 years in December. Married.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you keep things fresh in the bedroom? How do you keep things exciting?

[J.P. Leonard]

We role play.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Yeah. Can you give us an example of some things that you've done?

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah. So the latest one, I act as, like, cartoon characters. And my new character, I'm doing the children's level with Donkey Eeyore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yes. This is gold. And who is she in this?

[Jeremy]

This?

[J.P. Leonard]

She's just herself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Hell, yeah.

[J.P. Leonard]

He likes donkeys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Who doesn't love a good old donkey?

[Matt Rife]

Dickon. Yeah, I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So can you give us an example of how you come in the room when you're donkeying it up.

[J.P. Leonard]

I walk on two legs because I was trained. And then. And when, you know, she wants to do stuff, and I'm like, okay, yeah. I'm like, I guess we can do that position.

[Anthony Fink]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then.

[J.P. Leonard]

And she keeps going, and I'm like, I've never done anal. Oh, look, poo. All right, so we need the poo joke.

[Dedrick Flynn]

All right.

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you.

[Matt Rife]

How do you come as Eeyore?

[J.P. Leonard]

Also buckets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a donkey.

[Matt Rife]

It's gotta be. You gotta go hard, dude.

[J.P. Leonard]

I'm pretty mellow, so you must have.

[Matt Rife]

I get that, Bob.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gone to the same acting school as Monique. Not a lot of commitment. Commitment there. Give us one more crazy fun fact about your life, J.P. leonard. You seem like you've seen a lot. A lot. Lafayette, Louisiana, is a crazy place.

[J.P. Leonard]

Yeah, it's. It sits there. It's interesting. No, I mean, other than in comedy, you know, run shows, produce shows, do a lot of podcast editing. And if I'm at home, I just like. I like a good cigar, a good glass of whiskey, and share rotisserie chicken with my dogs on the back patio, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Look at you. A real. Just good old American man.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Living the life. I love it. Anything else for jp, gentlemen?

[Matt Rife]

Too mellow?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

What's. There's. There's gotta be something going on. Like, you can't just be like, I just like kicking and hanging out.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Like, what's.

[J.P. Leonard]

That's what I do.

[Jeremy]

Oh, there's something up going on here, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, your whole set was about a Popeyes buffet. The highlight of your interview was rotisserie chicken.

[J.P. Leonard]

I used to be a really fatter dude food, so, you know. Oh, yeah, I lost, like, 80 pounds over the last year or so.

[Jeremy]

Oh, that's where all this comes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. That Ozempic.

[J.P. Leonard]

No, I couldn't afford Exempic, so I got the bootleg stuff, but, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Yeah.

[J.P. Leonard]

Just eating right, you know, and working out, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[J.P. Leonard]

You don't have to look at my pictures.

[Jeremy]

Say it again.

[J.P. Leonard]

You don't have to look at my pecs when I said that.

[Jeremy]

No, you look good.

[J.P. Leonard]

Oh, thank you.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. I bet you swallow

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

rotisserie chicken. Yes, sure.

[Jeremy]

If that's what you want to call it. Do you ever have. Did your wife ever, like. Because, like, you know, I've. My. You know, my. My. My boyfriend Jerry is always like, you know, your mom. I've been her for a while, so, like, at some point, we're gonna mix it up. Bring somebody else in the bed. Does your wife ever suggest that or do you ever get. I always feel that that's like coming in a marriage where it's like, you gotta fucking spice things up. Take somebody else into the.

[J.P. Leonard]

No, the biggest thing I did, I got a vasectomy. So that's it.

[Anthony Fink]

So prove it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Give me a cup. All right.

[Jeremy]

Okay. Gross.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jp, Fun times. Here's a medium joke book. Nice to meet you, buddy.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make the trip again. See, another minute. This is a one word name coming at you right now. So anything can happen here. What we've learned from many years of the show is one word names can be a little bit more wild than two word names. So make some noise for Kyle, everybody. One word, Kyle.

[Drew Nickens]

Guys,

[Kyle]

so the last, like, since, for like an hour, I was talking to a real comic and he was like, telling me, like, dude, this is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Like, coming up on stage your first night, I'm like, well, I don't want to do that. And, dude, here we are, of course. But like, my minute, I don't know when it started, but like, when you. When you come to sign up for this, you. They're like, why do you think you would be good? And I'm like, well, you're right, I

[Jeremy]

don't think I'd be good.

[Kyle]

And I just like, I heard there's this like, exquisite joy from, like, failing, like, public humiliation that you can't get anywhere else. And I'm here right now experiencing that,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kyle, with somehow the best bucket pool set of the night. No preparation whatsoever.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this is your first time ever attempting stand up. I love it. Welcome, Kyle, welcome. Straight from the Vietnam War, incredible Afghanistan. This is going to be a hell of an interview. I don't see how we can fail here, Kyle. So tell us, what made you want to start stand up comedy today?

[Kyle]

Okay, the answer I was going to give to the guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give the honest answer, but go.

[Kyle]

My one minute was. Was like, my life's too tragic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay?

[Kyle]

My life is too tragic to be taken seriously.

[Jeremy]

Like, by the way I look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Jesus.

[Matt Rife]

Evil William Montgomery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Matt Rife]

Where's his scooter?

[Drew Nickens]

Dude, you heard about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's right over there.

[Kyle]

You can't miss it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not only were you one of the more genuine sets, you're also one of the better looking bucket pools that we've had here tonight. So welcome to the Kill Tony universe. Okay, stick with me here, Kyle. What have you been doing with your life? This entire time so you could just ramble it off at once.

[Kyle]

Well, I was talking another comic about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Again, you don't need to reference other conversations. You could just answer the questions directly.

[Kyle]

I live in the woods in Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Kyle]

In a cabin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Are you. Are you on the run from something?

[Kyle]

Like wildlife?

[Jeremy]

What the does that mean? Are there a bunch of moose that are trying to get money out of you or something?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In Oklahoma?

[Jeremy]

In Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oklahoma moose. The old. It's not a joke there.

[Jeremy]

There's nobody to get it. Dude. What the. Go ahead.

[Kyle]

Elks. Mostly elks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what makes you want to make. What made you move to a cabin in Oklahoma?

[Kyle]

Family trust. We have a trust up there. Me and my dad built it when I was like nine or a kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And is your dad still alive? Yeah. Okay, so you hang out with your dad?

[Kyle]

I hang out in the woods by myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pretty much by yourself. Your dad's not there anymore.

[Kyle]

He's like. He has a. A law firm in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your dad has a law firm in Dallas. Okay. Then he built you a cabin in Oklahoma and said, here you go, kid.

[Matt Rife]

You stay here.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Dude, if you need a roommate, I am free because I'm in an Airbnb in San Antonio right now. It's not cheap.

[Kyle]

I know I'm like, kind of alone this. But I love my dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's awesome. Yeah.

[Kyle]

Like the smartest guy I've ever known.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Jeremy, you don't need to start applause breaks for loving enough for dads.

[Jeremy]

I don't know mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You hate Jerry. You hate Jerry.

[Greg Bergman]

He's.

[Jeremy]

Accept my mom's. What? Boyfriend? I don't have a dad. Do you want me to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

relax? Okay, Kyle, have you ever. You. You have a job? No.

[Greg Bergman]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you. You are dressed like a guy that doesn't have a job. Have you ever had a job? Okay, you would say yes at that part into the microphone, Kyle.

[Kyle]

My last job was at 7:11.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

Love that place.

[Kyle]

I worked there for like two weeks. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever commit any crimes?

[Kyle]

I was trying to get back in the army.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then project into the tip of that microphone. You have to talk a little bit louder. You don't to cup it. You could just talk. You don't have to do that. Just talk like a grown up into the tip of the mic.

[Kyle]

What was the question again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever committed any crimes? No.

[Kyle]

Violent crimes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Okay.

[Jeremy]

Ever steal any Kit Kats?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, my very specific question. Jeremy, he's trying to.

[Kyle]

Questions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trying to get.

[Matt Rife]

You ever steal any valor?

[Dedrick Flynn]

No.

[Jeremy]

When you were in the woods, did you ever see. You ever see a snake? Sorry, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kyle. Kyle, there any ladies out there in the woods? What do you do for fun? Like, what do you. How do you. Can you.

[Kyle]

I do bird calling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Let's hear some bird calls. Thank God Almighty, we got something out of them. Here we go with some bird calls.

[Jeremy]

Falcon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that a falcon?

[Kyle]

It's just a general call I do to all birds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Do you know any other calls? Bird calls. That's.

[Jeremy]

Female falcon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Female falcon. Jeremy is a bird specialist. Wait, Kyle, I'm gonna ask you again. What made you come down to Austin, Texas, for this? Do you know what this. Have you ever watched the show or

[Kyle]

something when you're that bored in the woods? Like, I just do shit like drive 500 miles on a scooter. And I'm like, this is kind of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were on a scooter?

[Drew Nickens]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you find this scooter in Tucson, Arizona, Green wheels?

[Kyle]

No, I bought it in Plano, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Drew Nickens]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People that appreciate a good call back there.

[Jeremy]

Wait, like, Dumb and Dumber style. You came all the way here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Let's go, dude.

[Dedrick Flynn]

All right.

[Matt Rife]

You ever ridden a train?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Matt Rife]

Steam engine.

[Kyle]

Not a steam engine.

[Matt Rife]

Should try it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It.

[Kyle]

I want to.

[Matt Rife]

You'd love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would love it.

[Kyle]

How'd you know I was autistic about trains?

[Jeremy]

Because you look like a conductor from a kid show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. That is true.

[Jeremy]

It

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

looks like he could be the.

[Kyle]

That's actually my dream job right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right, Kyle. I recommend preparing for this. Writing, memorizing your set and. And signing up again sometime. Come back, sign up again. I'm gonna send you back to Oklahoma with a little joke book. I think you got to give Jeremy his snake back. Here you go. There you go. Boom. There you go. All right. There he goes. Welcome to Kill. Will you let this guy go? What the is going on?

[Jeremy]

I felt bad he was gonna take it, and I was like, he's by himself.

[Drew Nickens]

Maybe he could talk to him.

[Jeremy]

But then I was like, I really. And I didn't want to give it away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I heard Jeremy say I paid for it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

What the.

[Jeremy]

It's 7 11, ironically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you. We love this guy around here. He's so different than everybody else here with a brand new minute. Make some noise for Sir Winston Pickles, everybody. O listen to the pop. Winston Pickle.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Hello. This, by the way, is little Kwame. I've been sponsoring this little guy in Africa for the last three years at 99 cents a week. And unbeknownst to me, last March, my credit card expired. So he's dead. No worries. His family's still getting a little bit of money. They sold his shrunken head to a tourist. I love America.

[Drew Nickens]

Right?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

It's the only place you can go to work, especially Olive Garden. Start your shift as a chef and end up as a head chef. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First of all, one of my favorite jokes of the night. How about a hamburger? Winston Pickles. But let's talk about that Olive Garden joke at the end. Chef. Head chef. What do you mean?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

A guy just fried his head? Committed suicide.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, got it, got it. Oh, that did, yes. And you. Red band. Red bands. Flag is at half staff for that. He's a huge, huge Olive Garden fan. It's been a rough week for you. Olive Garden guy killed himself in the deep fryer. And Wendy's are closing 400. 400 locations?

[Jeremy]

Wait, why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, they're downsizing and they're trying to redo their menu, make it cheaper because of the economy and all that. Five letters.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

You'll be downsizing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Red ban will be downsizing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. He's going to be down 400 too. All right. Sir Winston Pickles. Amazing, amazing material. Explain to the people what the half and half is. I don't know if everybody can see exactly what's going on there, but I

[Sir Winston Pickles]

actually saw this lady in Tucson last week, Nancy Guthrie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You saw her in Tucson?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah, she was on a. She was on a razor scooter.

[Jeremy]

She was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is Nancy Guthrie on the side of a half and half.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Well, somebody's got to do thinking because the FBI isn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. Nothing's happening. It seems Sir Winston Pickles is back. Jeremy, this must be very exciting for you.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, this is a real treat. I am afraid of clowns. But. But you're super funny, dude. Do you. Do you don't do birthday parties or do you.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

No, none of that.

[Jeremy]

Okay. Where are you from?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

England.

[Jeremy]

Let's go. Which. Which part? I. Yorkshire. Is that the Harry Potter part or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no.

[Jeremy]

How long did you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's just a. You ever.

[Jeremy]

You ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You thinking of the question right?

[Jeremy]

I've got it. Just don't know how to ask it. When I said I'm afraid of them. What? When you're having so virgin. Let's get out of the way. When I do do it, does it help to look like that? Like when you get to do it, do you fucking stay like that or do you Fucking change it up. When I do what do I need to fucking act it out? Like when you fucking. When you get to fucking it. Okay, maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe. Maybe use your words.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Just when you get to do intercourse and.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah, of course I do. Yes.

[Jeremy]

You say, are you stay like. Yes, let's go. Yes. Do you have a little squeaky towards you? Yes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Squeaky toys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Jeremy]

Let's go. All right, that's it, Matt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How far do you go with the paint? Is that. Is it full body?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Just finish it. The chest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yes, that makes sense.

[Matt Rife]

You black under there?

[Jeremy]

Yes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I'm hiding from ice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Black people can do that. Black people can do white face.

[Drew Nickens]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Cool.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

The other way around. You got a problem.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. Or a career. Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

You do any tricks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, the.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I don't own three of anything at home just to deter jugglers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we got news for you. If you want some tricks, we got Jeremy right here.

[Anthony Fink]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

There's only of one trick, so. All right, so close your eyes. Imagine you're on a beach right now.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes.

[Jeremy]

Give me some beach music, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go.

[Jeremy]

You're on a super, super sexy beach, right? And there's nobody there. It's just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just a lot of drums. I don't know if that's beach music.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, it's a Caribbean beach. And there's a lot. There's a lot of people that are out there. A lot of big ass titties, right? Everyone's hanging out. A lot of sexy women. And all the women start coming up to you. They go, oh, what's up, man? You. You black under there? Keep your eyes closed. And then. And then all of a sudden, there's, boom. There's like 30 women. They're all like, hey, I don't know if those clothes come off easily, but we would like to. And then open your eyes, and then there's a snake in front of you.

[Hey Bulstad]

Sorry, dude.

[Jeremy]

That was.

[William Montgomery]

Sorry.

[Jeremy]

Disrespectful. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could have thrown it at his chest. You didn't have to hit his face.

[Jeremy]

I'm so sorry, dude.

[Dedrick Flynn]

We had him close.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Don't even mean.

[Ryan Daughtery]

By God.

[Jeremy]

Is 7:11.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He had it. He has a snake.

[Jeremy]

But you really don't do any tricks, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Matt Rife]

So you're just the scariest drag brunch ever.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's terrifying. I love his dark jokes. The he's dead punchline was so crisp. I absolutely loved it. Yeah, crisp it was. There was a decisive delivery. It was. It wasn't like, really anything we've seen tonight. Jeremy tagging with. That's what's up. Yeah. And then there was a bunch of people that have done it for a total of 55 years that talked about bread and yeast infections, Popeyes, buffets and grits. The South. He's Dead was my favorite punchline so far.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

You're welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Sir Winston Pickles getting us through another great set. Thank you, Sir Winston.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fun times. Sir Winston Pickles, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing quite like him. A British evil clown. They don't make them like that anymore. It is terrifying. One more time for Sir Winston. You guys having fun out there? Back to the bucket we go. As you've seen tonight, absolutely anything can happen. It could be a evil British clown. It could be a man from the woods in Oklahoma. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. Hey, Bullstadt. Hey, Bulstad.

[Hey Bulstad]

Last time I was in Austin was about $200,000 earlier last year in rehab and. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Let that marinate for a second. So they don't take insurance and rehab, but you do get to learn one thing about rehab. Your roommate will always be the one that's trying to jerk off when they're on volume. It's two hours. Two hours of hearing this when you're trying to sleep. And it's not even the fucking good shit. Like, it's not even anyone that's next to you. So that's what I have to say about rehab. That and. Right. And the fact that you go to sober living, which is right next door. So my view from sober living house was all these fucking buildings that I couldn't come to, which was really exciting. And then I got served divorce papers. Yeah, it's just getting there, right? And then on top of that, I decided to become single again at 51. Well, I didn't decide.

[Monique Jones]

Ew.

[Hey Bulstad]

I didn't decide to become single. I was told that I'm single now, and I still have a credit rating of 820, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Hey, Bolstad, making what I believe is your Kill Tony debut, correct?

[Hey Bulstad]

It is my Kill Tony debut. Yes, sir.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you ever done stand up before?

[Hey Bulstad]

A couple of times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Couple of times. Where at?

[Hey Bulstad]

So I host the hey Bolstad show in San Antonio and shout Out.

[Jeremy]

You also look like you host an AA meeting in San Antonio.

[Hey Bulstad]

A lot of them. Hey, I got six months sobriety this month.

[Jeremy]

Let's go, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, But. All right. No so, hey, let's talk about it. Fuck it, right?

[Jeremy]

He's gonna go see if Jurassic park is still open.

[Hey Bulstad]

Oh, it's a tough crowd.

[Jeremy]

Are there gonna be any dinosaurs in this dinosaur tour? Where we're going, we don't need roads or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's.

[Jeremy]

That's a different movie. Oh, shit. A different movie. I've only seen Dragon Park 2, by the way.

[Hey Bulstad]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, Bullstad. Yeah, let's talk about it. How old are you?

[Hey Bulstad]

I'm 51.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

51. You don't look a day over 65.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That's.

[Hey Bulstad]

Well, that's jitsu for me. Jiu Jitsu makes my life a lot easier.

[Jeremy]

You do Jiu Jitsu?

[Hey Bulstad]

15 years.

[Jeremy]

What belt are you?

[Hey Bulstad]

Four stripes on my blue belt. Get ready for my purple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

Is that your new catchphrase?

[Hey Bulstad]

Getting ready to.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Hey Bulstad]

Why not?

[Jeremy]

For my purple.

[Drew Nickens]

All right.

[Jeremy]

Can I give one a little scenario?

[Hey Bulstad]

All right, I'm ready.

[Jeremy]

Let's say you're at the atm, and I'm just got back from getting some Taco Bell.

[Hey Bulstad]

I'm an atm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't hurt him. When this happens. Tables, dad. Don't hurt him. This looks like it could be a real. Yeah. Face the atm. That's the atm.

[Jeremy]

Give me all your money. Paul.

[Hey Bulstad]

Word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him.

[Jeremy]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. This is a bad idea. Jeremy. This is a bad.

[Monique Jones]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give him a minute. Give him a minute.

[Jeremy]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Oh. Jeremy. Jeremy, get back here. You're a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[Drew Nickens]

I love you.

[Jeremy]

Get ready for my purple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right.

[Hey Bulstad]

All the way in.

[Jeremy]

Do we just start dancing out of nowhere?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The only. The only person having any purple up here is John D&D. Mad now, their beverage of choice, buddy. Purple, full stat. I have a thousand questions for you. Let's get into it. You're 51. You're six months sober. What kind of party were you having exactly? To where you had to go to a $200,000 rehab facility?

[Hey Bulstad]

Ready? Fuck it. Let me see a gallon and a half of vodka a day. No one's allowed to tell me no. Basically, fly wherever I want, do whatever I want. And. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work? How'd you make that money to be able to do that? Fly wherever you want drinking a gallon?

[Hey Bulstad]

How shameless am I allowed to get?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just answer the question. Dude. It's been a rough. I own a rough night for interviews?

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah, I own a. I own a river outfitter in New Braunfels, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Hey Bulstad]

And I just been doing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've done that your whole life for

[Hey Bulstad]

a good 16 years now. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Hey Bulstad]

And yeah. I don't know, man. I just hustle. I'm a grinder like everybody else. Not grinder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Hey, Bulstad. So a gallon about good day. You were flying all over.

[Hey Bulstad]

Gallon and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. There you go. Was there drugs involved?

[Hey Bulstad]

Cocaine is always gonna be a beneficial thing to almost anything. If you want to stay up for a couple of days and shit your brains out.

[Matt Rife]

It's a skinny drug.

[Hey Bulstad]

I know.

[Drew Nickens]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months sober.

[Hey Bulstad]

You know what? I love you too.

[Matt Rife]

I love you too, man. I don't like that I can see your dick in these sweatpants.

[Hey Bulstad]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it is very.

[Matt Rife]

I really don't love it. Dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is very clear.

[Hey Bulstad]

Hey.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. You're ready to go to the strip club? That's what's up. San Antonio. Oh, I go to that one too.

[Hey Bulstad]

I'm having the best time ever. This is awesome.

[Jeremy]

Wait, you said you were divorced.

[Hey Bulstad]

Halfway through it.

[Jeremy]

Oh, a gallon and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, go.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, come on.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah, it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what?

[Hey Bulstad]

I, I, I, I wish her the best. I got nothing negative. Wish her the best.

[Jeremy]

But if you had to say one thing about it, wouldn't be here on YouTube forever.

[Hey Bulstad]

No, it wouldn't be here on everybody. Happy, happy in life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that you have kids, Bulstad.

[Hey Bulstad]

I got a daughter that's going to turn seven next month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. You're still in her life.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yes, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great. So what made you, what made you want to get in a stand up comedy?

[Hey Bulstad]

I talked to Pauly Shore when I was 17, when I lived in San Diego. And he, he dragged me around because I kept talking and Mitzi and them let me go on for Friday night and a Saturday night and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What year was this?

[Hey Bulstad]

This was, would be 1990. 92.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Still three years pre Matt Rife. And then that was absolutely incredible.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah. And then after that I went surfing and then went and got a job and whatever the fuck else happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the job?

[Hey Bulstad]

Motivational speaker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you speaking about?

[Hey Bulstad]

Positivity. And how to raise money for high school athletics. And if I, I would tell, I would tell the football players. If you have two girlfriends, you make them both sell that one that sells the most, you keep her. The other one's a loser anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sell what?

[Hey Bulstad]

Chocolate. Chocolate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And bro, this is a night of confusing interviews. Bullstead, stick with me up here just for a second because I want to know for my own information and Maybe we'll circle back to this crap. But you talked to Paulie Shore.

[Hey Bulstad]

So you're basically like, yeah, he was walking by. He had two blondes, one on each side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you said.

[Hey Bulstad]

I went. And I was like, man, what you do? That ain't. I had no idea. I'm 17.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you definitely knew who he was.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah, because he had two blondes, one on each.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And also because he had the face and hair of Paulie Shore.

[Hey Bulstad]

Well, that. He also, I think Encino man or something. Something was out and he was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, word. Okay. That's the answer. So you knew who Pauly Shore was. You talked shit to him. I want to know about. You met the actual Mitzi Shore.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah, and then I also met the man with the. With the crutches that had all that. He had all the stuffed animals on his crutches.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Hey Bulstad]

And they made me. They made me sit outside in the back in the parking lot because I couldn't come in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Correct. That makes more sense because earlier you said that they put you on stage.

[Hey Bulstad]

They did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Hey Bulstad]

But I had to wait outside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Stick with me here, Bullstead. Stick with me here. You ready?

[Hey Bulstad]

I'm ready.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say they put you on stage, was it by yourself?

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For how long?

[Hey Bulstad]

Five minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it three minutes?

[Hey Bulstad]

No, it was. It was. They have a light? I didn't know what the light was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it upstairs?

[Hey Bulstad]

No, it was in the main room. In the main room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did it have a red stage or was it carpeted?

[Hey Bulstad]

There was a piano. I just remember there was a piano there because I used it the second night I came up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a keyboard or an actual piano? So you were. I. Was it a red stage with red neon lights?

[Hey Bulstad]

I. I. That part I don't remember. But, I mean, everybody was super cool. It's just. It was in La Jolla.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go.

[Jeremy]

We'll start with that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Total different.

[Hey Bulstad]

Can someone. Can you just Venue.

[Jeremy]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am thinking you get nothing.

[Hey Bulstad]

Nothing and love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, both stat.

[Hey Bulstad]

Uphill, both ways.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do on stage since you had no comedic experience?

[Hey Bulstad]

I talked about getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you say about that?

[Hey Bulstad]

I said that I had gone to the planet Drool because I couldn't really do anything other than drool while I was getting it done. And there was a dentist that was in the audience, and he started heckling me. And. And so I just went all in and I just told him that maybe he needed a better profession.

[Jeremy]

Got him.

[Matt Rife]

Got him. Good, dude.

[Hey Bulstad]

17, bro. Why you got to pick on a 17 year old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Jeremy]

Which Paulie in the back? Like, boo, bro.

[Hey Bulstad]

No, he was so cool. Like, he was. He was really, really cool about the whole thing. And when I was done, then they. I got down, walked down off the stage, and they brought me over to the. Kind of towards the front, and then there's that hallway that goes back. And they wouldn't let me go in the back, but they let me hang out there. And then. Yeah, man, I just. Someone offered me 25 bucks for one of my jokes, okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See, every time I'm about to move on to something else, something like that, which is completely fucking insane when you say that.

[Jeremy]

What was.

[Hey Bulstad]

Was saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the joke that someone offered 25 bucks for? Do you remember that, by the way? That is the first time I've shushed somebody in 13 and a half years. That's how you make me feel, Bulstad. I've literally never said shh before. Thousands of hours of this show exist.

[Jeremy]

No, you roll.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're the first person that.

[Hey Bulstad]

No, you roll.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Hey Bulstad]

You'll be all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you remember the joke?

[Hey Bulstad]

So it was from the planet Drool, and I was talking about them pushing the needle, which was at this point, it was like this long, and they put it all the way through my gum. And I guess the guy, the comic that was back there, he was wearing a blazer and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not the question I asked. Go ahead.

[Hey Bulstad]

Oh, well, I'm getting to it. So he said, hey, man, I like that. He said, I like it. And he offered me 25 bucks. And I was like, well, fuck, all right, I need the money. 25 bucks, bro. That's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't remember the joke?

[Hey Bulstad]

I just told you the joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't. You just said that you shove a needle in his thing, and then you described what the guy was wearing.

[Hey Bulstad]

Talking about the kid.

[Matt Rife]

You can't hear D Madness behind me going, oh, my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Everyone's freaking out.

[Hey Bulstad]

All right.

[Matt Rife]

He said he's the worst comic he's ever seen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is amazing. Hell, yeah.

[Jeremy]

Here comes the purple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got it.

[Jeremy]

Oh, you got tattoos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it doesn't matter. Jeremy, pay no attention to the tattoos. There's a little joke book. There goes. Hey Bull. Stat, everybody. There's. Yeah, everybody. Nothing interesting about that man whatsoever on planet Earth. Your girlfriend's here. Yeah, you want to bring your girlfriend out?

[Jeremy]

Can she come out?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, sure.

[Jeremy]

Guys, can you bring my girlfriend out? Is that cool if she hangs out for a bit?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jeremy's Stay away. Bringing Your. You're bringing your girlfriend out?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, Drove up from Shant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is insane.

[Matt Rife]

You dropped your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is one of the most carnival esque episodes of Kil. Oh, my goodness. What?

[Greg Bergman]

Wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What in the world is going on here? What is. What. What is going on?

[Jeremy]

Check, check, check.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Jeremy]

Wait, don't worry about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't worry about it. Oh, my God.

[Matt Rife]

What the man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Jeremy]

What's up, Matt? Good to see you again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is your girlfriend's name? Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

I'm right here, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what's your name?

[Jeremy]

It's Lindsay. I can talk for myself. What'd I say about talking too much?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I love.

[Matt Rife]

He doesn't even try not to move his mouth.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, well, maybe take me to dinner, Matt, and I'll move my mouth a lot more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. What was that? A celebratory. What is that thing you did there with your.

[Ryan Daughtery]

You.

[Jeremy]

Tony,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this is the first time we've ever had a lady like you on this show. Lindsay.

[Anthony Fink]

Yes,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lindsay. You sound a lot like Jeremy. I gotta tell you. You guys must hang out a lot.

[J.P. Leonard]

Well, I have a cold.

[Jeremy]

Jesus. What's up, Red man? Redman and I are in the same VR channel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Oh, yeah. These are the types of people that hang out with you in the VR world. Should see her, Fraggles. All right.

[Jeremy]

What the did you say to me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is amazing. Is Lindsey gonna join us for the next bucket pool?

[Jeremy]

Is that cool?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, that's.

[Jeremy]

You guys mind if he hangs out for a couple? She's real to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, that sounds exciting. Someone's gotta be around here.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah, we're doing mostly mouth stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of these people have been.

[Jeremy]

How much of a lower half on this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here we go. Your next bucket pull. Lindsay, you know how the show works.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I have Facebook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Ryan Dordery, everybody. Ryan Daughtery. Here we go. This show continues.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I know I look like a Mormon CrossFit instructor or maybe only an extra in a Viking movie. I didn't get a supporting role. I have no lines.

[Thomas La Mountain]

I have.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Despite that, I have the emotional and financial stability of a 14 year old with a stolen credit card and divorced parents. I spend most of my money at the strip club on escorts and on weed, honestly. So my solution is I'm going to go to a medical trial here in Austin. They're going to inject my butt with HIV medication. And. In the cheek, not in the hole. In case anybody was wondering, I'm really staged. I'm really afraid of public speaking. So the only reason I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to finish that?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Only reason I did this was to try to get Kim Congdon's attention. I tried to send her flowers here.

[Hey Bulstad]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy. This is a live stalking. This is what this show's come to. Yes, the show has arrived. I. It was one thing when everyone was bombing guys just coming down from the woods to get all their socializing out of their system at once. But you coming the. You're here to get Kim Congdon's attention.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I drove 25 hours from car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing a part of Kil Tony live in which will one day be on one of those crime shows. This is incredible. It's happening. It's in real time.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow, Ryan, so you're. Is that really why you're here? Where did you drive 25 hours from exactly?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Carson City, Nevada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Carson City, Nevada.

[Jeremy]

I've been there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Jeremy]

I say about talking. Where in Carson City?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, great question, Lindsay. I love that you go right to questions. Maybe you missed the part that I always tell Jeremy and Dr. Phil Elaine. In which don't ask stupid questions for no reason because it derails the entire interview portion of the show. Lindsay.

[Jeremy]

Sorry, this is harder than it looks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Ryan, let's talk about it because this is going to be more of like a. Interrogation.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Solving a crime more than an actual Kill Tony interview. What was it that were you. Where did you see Kim Congdon where

[Ryan Daughtery]

you fell in love with September 1, 2022, at.

[Greg Bergman]

Oh, my God.

[Jeremy]

What the fuck?

[Ryan Daughtery]

At Mic Drop Comedy in San Diego. Kearney Mesa, to be more specific. I talked to her for about two hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Ryan Daughtery]

And I do really want me to say like some crazy stuff.

[Jeremy]

Fuck yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is most likely. This is most likely going to be edited it out of the show because sanity.

[Ryan Daughtery]

But I know how I look. I know how I look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not about the look.

[Jeremy]

It's more about the demeanor and the voice and everything else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Again, you're actually the best looking bucketball. You just beat out Kyle from the woods in Oklahoma. So again, it's not about your look. It's about the tone and the. What you said. But go ahead.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I told her that night. I said, you know Tony Hinchcliffe and Nikki Glazer. I assume you guys should roast my favorite athlete, Tom Brady. That was in 2022.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. The prophecy came true.

[Ryan Daughtery]

The prophecy came true.

[Jeremy]

Dude, you should tell me to fucking get a bunch of fucking sex going.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Sex or Sex.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't.

[Jeremy]

Sex, sex.

[J.P. Leonard]

Gotcha, gotcha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Ryan, you talked to her that night. Do you try to communicate with her since then?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah, I mean, this is like a. I could spend an hour explaining the psychosis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm. It gets scarier with every answer you give, Ryan.

[Ryan Daughtery]

It really does. It really does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay. So that's a yes. You guys do talk sometimes.

[Ryan Daughtery]

No, no, she doesn't answer my DMs. I got a comment reply, so that's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, if she was here right now and you could say anything you want to her, what exactly would you say if you had to keep it under 30 seconds?

[Ryan Daughtery]

I would say I think about you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

all the time since we first met, man. No, wait, wait.

[Anthony Fink]

Can I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, Lindsay.

[Jeremy]

Can I maybe offer up some female. Can I offer up female perspective? And what's your name again? Jeffrey.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Ryan.

[Greg Bergman]

Brian.

[Jeremy]

Sorry, you're giving off Dahmer vibes.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Dahmer vibes.

[Jeremy]

So I'll be Kim. And let's say you're meeting me right now for the first time.

[Anthony Fink]

Cool.

[Jeremy]

Do, do, do, do, do. Ooh, I have such a cool pussy. Oh, what's up, Ryan? Hey.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I didn't expect to see you here.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah, you fucking did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up?

[Jeremy]

How are you?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Long time no see. I'm not sure if you remember me. I like everything you post. I listen to every podcast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, hold on, hold on a second. I have to. I have to interject here.

[Jeremy]

I thought it was going pretty great so far, but that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The thing's great, but I gotta jump back into this. Hold on a second. Because this is the only show in the world. I don't know if you guys know this. The moment that's happening right now is very interesting because every other show in the world, you have a podcast, you book the guest, you do a little research on the guest, you ask them a few pre planned questions, right? You try to stretch it out, you try to make it conversational. On television, everything is in a teleprompter. There's cue cards everywhere. Every single thing you've ever seen before. Spoiler alert. Has been predetermined and was planned before you ever saw it. Except for this moment happening right now live in this room. This is a live stalking that is happening right now with our very good friend, one of the first regulars ever in the history of the show, the hilarious Kim Congdon, who is amazing and has been doing stand up 13 years.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, she rips.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So funny and so hilarious. You became obsessed with her. You Think about her all the time.

[Ryan Daughtery]

All the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there anyone else that you think about this, like, never in my life. Right.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I love her, like, more than my mom and my mom's dad.

[Drew Nickens]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say more than your mom, do you get along with your mom? She.

[Ryan Daughtery]

She's dead, so. I like her a lot more now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Ed.

[Matt Rife]

Jesus Christ, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Plot twist.

[Matt Rife]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you do that to her? Dude, did you do that to your mom?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Maybe with my personality. I don't know.

[Matt Rife]

Oh, my God. Kim's gonna turn into a fucking lampshade, dude. Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you've sent her flowers. She hasn't responded. He has. What does that say? A ring and flowers. You have a ring and flowers for Kim is what I've got. I've been handed a note. Is that true?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah, it's in a bucket and back. I didn't bring it on stage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. We don't allow people to bring things on stage and. Because they might end up up like you. So, Ryan boy, again, this is real. Pretty much all I can say right now. You've stumped me. And, yeah. Very, very highly likely.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That this won't make it to the show because it's kind of nuts.

[Matt Rife]

Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead, Matt. Rife.

[Matt Rife]

Can I call Kim and let him talk to me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Want me to. It's a great idea. Again, red band. When someone's making a call, the phone doesn't ring.

[Jeremy]

Oh, this is going to be so good. This is better than Love is Blind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, put it on speaker. Hit the speaker button.

[Jeremy]

Hey, it's kim condon.

[J.P. Leonard]

Wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeremy]

Hello?

[Matt Rife]

Hello?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. Well, you.

[Jeremy]

Hello? Hello?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You'd have to. You'd have to not have your headset mic on for this bit to work. Nope. No, you wouldn't.

[Jeremy]

Sorry. Bitch to the table.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wouldn't. You wouldn't use that one either.

[Ryan Daughtery]

You would.

[Jeremy]

Let me call her back. Let me call Kim back.

[Drew Nickens]

No.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not answering. It's. Ladies and gentlemen, this.

[Jeremy]

You just got slaked or Dr. Prepper Tic Tac.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when you brought a ring and flowers here.

[Matt Rife]

So much potential.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're expecting what exactly to happen? To run into her? That she'd be here, perhaps.

[Ryan Daughtery]

You want the realistic perspective.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, we do.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Realistically, I expect to be rejected. But just for closure, I have to, you know. You have to swing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what kind of closure exactly are you looking for?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Either. Either she's like, yeah, we could date. We could see how it goes. Or, no, like, this is crazy. This is a weird Way to approach a woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of women at the same time just said, that's it? Yes, that's it. Almost every woman, for the first time I've ever seen, agrees on something, on one thing. They all agree on this. They're all looking at me and shaking their heads yes, all at once. It's almost incredible. Let's check in with Jeremy.

[Jeremy]

Well, I got no experience here, so I think what you're doing is pretty chivalrous, but thank you. Thank you. Also, some girls like a guy to play hard to get, right? Or they want you to chase them. I mean, not literally chase them, but I'm fast. You're fast. See, that feels like something you should not say. Stop. But, like, what? So this is what I would know from the ladies, that.

[Drew Nickens]

What.

[Jeremy]

What point? When he's given a gift and they. And she doesn't respond, does he just take a hint?

[Matt Rife]

Like that time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that.

[Matt Rife]

The first time.

[Jeremy]

What she say?

[Matt Rife]

Let's see the ring. Oh, good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, is it a real ring? Is it a legit ring? How much? How much? Where'd you get it from? How much did you spend?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Not a lot. $250.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a lot. That's a lot.

[Matt Rife]

It's.

[Ryan Daughtery]

It's a. Well, open it and I'll explain it

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

if we have it. But let me ask you this, Ryan. Cause you met her once before, right? Only once. And she hasn't communicated with you since then.

[Ryan Daughtery]

So wait, she used to talk to me on stage at the Belly Room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, so you went to her show all the time?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Dozens of shows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And sometimes she would respond to you if you asked a question or heckled? Is that what you're saying?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah, it was kind of conversational, Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

During her set. Yeah. You would yell something out.

[Ryan Daughtery]

She would address me, and then I would respond.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. She would make fun of you. She would make a joke, and then you would respond, yes. Right. Okay. I can't remember. Question was. Hold on. God damn it. God damn it. Hold on. Nope. Hold on. So I'm getting suggestions from the crowd for questions, by the way, again, that's another first in the history.

[Matt Rife]

This is such a good documentary, dude. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible, because I don't think. Don't you think that if you talk to her one more time and she said to you, you know, Ryan, this is kind of wild. You're not my type. Right. I'm not into this. Don't you think that since you've only talked to her before once, in reality, that you're going to only like her more, probably.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Every time I hear her talk, I tend to like her more, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, okay.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Which is either stalkerish or nice, depending if I'm interested.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's the first one. Stalkerish, Ryan, one of the scariest things in the history of the show. Have you ever had another girlfriend?

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, don't say it like that.

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah, I'm 29. I'm 29.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, 29. Okay.

[Ryan Daughtery]

What's been dry 29 years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very possible. This is Jeremy right here. Okay.

[Matt Rife]

Your belt is at the end.

[Ryan Daughtery]

That is the loosest setting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's an unbelievable observation. There are 32 waist on the 32 ways. No more loops left. It is incredible. What's the longest relationship you've ever been in?

[Ryan Daughtery]

10 months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 months. Did the girl know that she was still in the relationship the whole 10 months?

[Ryan Daughtery]

Yeah, but she was AI.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I'm kidding.

[Matt Rife]

You can't make jokes like that, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Ryan, we're gonna let you out of here. I'm not sure whether this is one of the most compelling, compelling interviews and moments in the show's history or if

[Matt Rife]

it will, you're gonna set them loose back in the club.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's not going. They go right out the back door. And I can tell you there's a lot of security guys looking at me, very concerned.

[Ryan Daughtery]

I'm on violent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know we can tell. You seem like. You seem like you have good intentions, but it is a little creepy. Ryan. All right, there he goes. Ryan Daughtery, everybody. No joke book. Oh, nothing. Lindsay's slamming her hand on the table. She liked him.

[Jeremy]

I thought he was hot, but I'm a crazy girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are a wild girl, Lindsay. All right, you know what? Let's cleanse the stage. Let's sage the stage a little bit. With the return of a golden ticket winner who hasn't been on this show in a very long time. Here, ladies and gentlemen, could be a story of redemption. And who knows? Anything can happen. He's one of the wildest characters in the history of the show. You know him, he has the record for most all time appearances on one episode of Kel Tony. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the return of Drew Nickens.

[Drew Nickens]

Unlike the last guy, I just had sex for the first time in 18 months. She had a mullet. And I don't think I was her first special needs body because she knew how to seduce me. She was like, hell, yeah, brother. You look like Marv from Home alone. And a sexy Napoleon Dynamite trying to go back to my hotel room and watch YouTube. I was fucking jazzed. Cause I knew exactly what to throw on. Eddie Guerrero versus Rey Mysterio Halloween Havoc. 97. Am I right, ladies? I was a little nervous because I don't have the lover's touch. Because sometimes I bet animals too hard. But we got it cracking, dog. It's so much clapping and screaming during that hotel room session. People thought we were watching a black high school graduation. And I got a tbi. But that night, I gave her a tpi. A traumatic pussy injury. Cause I beat that thing up. And sensually. Thank y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Hell yeah. Welcome to Sex Offender. Kill Tony at everybody. This is a very special night.

[Drew Nickens]

It was consensual to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

[Drew Nickens]

That guy scared me. I almost had to break out. Recharge strength. Don't. With my homies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Kim Congdon is the homie. I got to tell you, I love this set, Drew. And for those of you that might not know that Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio match at Halloween Havoc. Absolutely amazing. You can show it to anybody. Believe it or not. You can actually show that to your girlfriend and watch that and she will be completely mesmerized. It's a true one of the greatest luchador matches of all time. It is for your professional wrestling. Two of the all time greats, and they're in their absolute prime at that period of their lives. Look at Michael Gonzalez agreeing. Our own little. That's right. Okay, Drew, how's life been going?

[Drew Nickens]

Life's been great, Tony. I just did my first sold out headlining set a couple weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. How long did you do? How long is that?

[Drew Nickens]

I did 45 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great. Amazing, Drew. Yeah. How many people were in the audience?

[Drew Nickens]

There was about 120 people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing, Drew.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were they all there at the end of the 45 minutes?

[Drew Nickens]

They were. They were having a good time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Time.

[Drew Nickens]

I'm. I give a good show. Guys. Don't listen to Reddit. I fucking hate them. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I, you. I don't even know why you go on there, Drew.

[Drew Nickens]

No, they send shit to me on Instagram. They're real mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, again, you don't need to. You don't need to, like, read these things. Have you gotten work off of your social media or anything?

[Drew Nickens]

Okay, so, so here's why I look at it. Because I've had two people come to me, like, with suicidal thoughts in my, like, general. And I've had to calm them down. And say, hey, true. Life's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

True. That's not your responsibility, buddy.

[Jeremy]

I did appreciate it, though.

[Drew Nickens]

You're welcome, Jerry.

[Jeremy]

Fuck Jerry. Dude. It was a dark time in my life.

[Drew Nickens]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think if people are coming to you as a last resort for their suicidal thoughts, Drew, that it might be time to just let them do what they're gonna do. You know what I mean?

[Drew Nickens]

I do. Ask you if they're Tablets Boys fans first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very funny, Drew. What else is going on in life? Shows, wearing awesome shirts. What else?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, my mom got me this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, I've been just touring the road with a lot of golden ticket winners, trying to get my set better, writing a bunch of stuff. Just doing the thing that you're supposed to do when you're a comic. Steadily improving and getting better, because that's what we're here for. I want to do this for the rest of my life, so we're never gonna stop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew, do you like the show Blippi?

[Drew Nickens]

Fuck, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about Blippi. Describe to the people what Blippi's about. So excited.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, I love Blippi, man. So I don't like the new guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck him. Bring back my Blippi. I loved Blippi because it's such a. It's like such an innocent show. They show educational things. The guy's a personality. Like, he wears. He wears the same thing every time. He's awesome. And then they brought this new guy, and I was like, what the fuck? It turns me to fucking red. I went on the Blippi Reddit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is it about the new Blippi that you don't like?

[Drew Nickens]

He's not the same guy that's like, Joe and Steve.

[Matt Rife]

How do you. How do you feel about the new Jake from State Farm and why he's

[Drew Nickens]

not black if it's Black History Month?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That fun fact. Drew Nickens is black. I'm not kidding. His father is 100 black. If you saw a picture of his father, you wouldn't believe it. I swear to God. No, he's like an albino

[Matt Rife]

black guy any way.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you done anything black this month to celebrate black history? Hell, yeah.

[Drew Nickens]

I went to Ross five times this week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit.

[Drew Nickens]

That's how did I get my toiletries. Ain't I right, brother?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Jeremy]

Wait, let's see how black you are. Here's a snake.

[Drew Nickens]

There's a snake on the goddamn plane.

[Jeremy]

Pretty funny. We'll keep it in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Jeremy really belts people with that thing. There's no, like showbiz. Like, toss up with this guy still looking for a picture of his dad. That's how black he is. He can't find a picture of his father. If you needed any more confirmation, let the two minutes that it took for him to find a picture. This guy's Puerto Rican at best. There's no way, dog.

[Drew Nickens]

He's. He's really black. It's just white outside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's light outside.

[Matt Rife]

This is. This is a good photo, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do like this.

[Drew Nickens]

That's my mom.

[Matt Rife]

It's your very white mom.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Matt Rife]

Say it.

[Jeremy]

Hell, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Jeremy]

That's what I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew, fun times.

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love Drew. We love Drew. Drew loves me. All right, make some noise for your next bucket poll. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Greg Bergman, everybody. Greg Bergman.

[Greg Bergman]

I don't know about you guys, but I am sick to death of pedophilia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Greg Bergman]

Are you sick of it? I don't mean sick of adults having sex with children. I've never been for that. Just the way I was raised. But I'm sick of hearing about it. You know, in New York, it was. All I heard about was privilege and race and. And that got annoying. Then I come to Texas, and all I hear about is vaccines of pedophilia. Vaccines, Pedophilia. It's all people talk about. Vaccines and pedophilia. If I hear about vaccines and pedophilia one more time, I'm gonna take 10 booster shots and fuck a kid. You know, I'm just. I'm bored of it. It's enough for. I want to see what the. You know, what all this fuss is about. You know what I mean? And autism, that's another thing. What a scam. Everyone in Austin says they're autistic. I'm autistic. You know, you want to be. You want to be autistic. You want to be neurodivergent. You think it makes you interesting. Okay, you're not autistic if you're too much of a stupid little creep to look the barista in the eye, okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a putz.

[Greg Bergman]

You want autistic. That's what people like you. I'll tell you. Autistic or neurodivergent. Last summer during the flood, I walked around in 100 degree heat, and I was afraid to use the bus card, but the mental hospital gave me for fear that the invisible material I thought would explode when I swiped it through the bus and blow everybody up. Have that My friends, is neurodivergent. Okay? So if you want a stupid lunatic, here I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Greg Bergman prepared, memorized his set, went through the words in the order that he prepared it. And meanwhile, I kind of still wish the stalker was on stage. Special kind of. Special kind of planned deliverance. Oh, Greg, has anything changed since the last time you've been on the show?

[Greg Bergman]

Well, yes. Two things happened. This is both true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Craig was on very recently as a penis implant.

[Greg Bergman]

Yes. When I left here, I was very. I got a big joke. Very happy couple Australian guys saw this set. They said, go to the creek. This is true. Go to the creek in the cave. I went to the creek in the cave. I slipped on the ice, fell, lost my joke book and bruised all my ribs. That's true. At least I think it was ice. It could have been the little greasy Mexican they were dragging away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay.

[Greg Bergman]

No, but it was true.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

That's a true story.

[Jeremy]

We'll be right back. I thought that's one thing, dude. Oh, Dr. Pepper. Tic Tac.

[Greg Bergman]

No, that was. That was true, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's destiny when God takes your big joke book from you.

[J.P. Leonard]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how you know it was never meant to be.

[Greg Bergman]

Oh, boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Greg. Yeah, I mean, it's just been. I just gotta. I just. Anything else that you thought about since the last time you were on? That would have been good to talk about in the interview portion, but now here we are.

[Greg Bergman]

I did.

[Jeremy]

I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

By.

[Greg Bergman]

My dog died. That's sad. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That happened in the past. Yeah.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah.

[Greg Bergman]

Past two weeks, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, how'd your dog die? Kill itself. It's.

[Greg Bergman]

It's.

[Jeremy]

Or did Christy Gnomes shoot it in the face? Yeah.

[Greg Bergman]

Yeah. Well, yeah, it's a suicide. Yeah. No, she died. Yeah, she died. It was just sad. And my grandmother died three weeks ago, but the dog died two weeks ago.

[Jeremy]

Sorry, dude.

[Greg Bergman]

I know.

[Jeremy]

Hey, man.

[Greg Bergman]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a party. It's a party. It's a party.

[Greg Bergman]

I had jokes that were good, too. I thought you wanted the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why didn't you do them?

[Greg Bergman]

Because I. I thought the first one was good. What the. The kid that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke book, Greg.

[J.P. Leonard]

I'm going to keep it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Moving along. Yes. He said no. No. Okay, there he goes. Greg Bergman, everybody. All right. One last bucket pool. This episode is demented. Let the record show that I'm aware that this is an insane episode. Are you guys at having fun? We have the most insane fans in the world. You guys will. You guys are Loyal to the soil. One last bucket bowl. Make some noise for Thomas La Mountain. Thomas La Mountain.

[Thomas La Mountain]

I like having a fast sex with old women. Yeah. I said I like having fast sex with old women. I call it going 90 to 70. Yeah. I love it. Fast sex with old. I love having fat. Call my balls Werther's originals the way I like these hip replacement hussies sucking on them. You know what I'm talking about? I like having fast sex with old women. Ladies and gentlemen. Am I the only one here? Do I look the only one looks having fat?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Thomas La Mountain]

No. No way. I like having fast sex with old. Oh, my gosh, folks. You know what I hate, though? I hate having slow sex with old. With young pussy. I hate having slow sex with young pussy. What am I running the government?

[Jeremy]

And even if I was, I would.

[Thomas La Mountain]

If I was running the government, I'd

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

be having fast sex with old women.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Folks, thank you. I'm Thomas Mountain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thomas La Mountain. I loved it. I almost forgot what it was like when people came up here and just did jokes. Hell yeah. Dude. Welcome, welcome. Hey, thanks. Is this your first time on the show?

[Thomas La Mountain]

No, I've been here before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, welcome back. Very funny. Where are you from from?

[Thomas La Mountain]

I'm from Nebraska.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long have you been in Austin?

[Thomas La Mountain]

I've been in Austin for eight months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight months? Yeah. You've been on the show only once before.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Only once before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do we find out about you? What was the most compelling? What was my favorite part of that interview, you think?

[Thomas La Mountain]

Oh, well, you. You found out that, like, I used to be a male model and you made me take my shirt off and you were. You liked it a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I did. Hell yeah. Now I remember having flashbacks.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Hell yeah. So how's Austin been treating you? What's been going on now?

[Thomas La Mountain]

It's been pretty good, man. You know, I got a cool job now. I've been doing a lot of spots. It's amazing. I love it here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the cool job?

[Thomas La Mountain]

I now I now I'm a. I have the greatest job of being a. I'm a fucking bell hop for a hotel, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Jeremy La Quinta.

[Jeremy]

No, I'm an awards rewards member there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Jeremy]

So if that's where you bellhop, then that's what's up. Laquitash has rewards.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of rewards?

[Jeremy]

We can't all fly on private planes, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of rewards do you get at the leaky La Quinta Inn?

[Jeremy]

Oh, breakfast before everybody else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to wake up earlier. This is a crazy deal. That almost seems like. Like it would be.

[Jeremy]

I thought this was a safe space. Guys are really hostile towards fun stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Breakfast before everybody else.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeremy]

So I wake up at 4. Breakfast is at 7. Also, I get the first dibs on clean sheets. I usually get, like. I don't know, like sometimes they. They have only a certain amount of waters behind the front desk. So I get first dibs on, like, the coldest waters.

[Thomas La Mountain]

They're all room temperature, man. All of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

La Quinta has only room temperature. That is your mind.

[Jeremy]

Well, you're clearly not in the rewards program. So cold ass water. But. But. So bellhop. That's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you love it?

[Thomas La Mountain]

It's a dream come true. Truly it is. It's a dream come true. I've always want. My dad was a bellhop. My grandpa was a bellhop. I hope. I hope my someday my son is a bellhop. Live on the legacy of hopping bells. That's right, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a girlfriend, Thomas?

[Thomas La Mountain]

No, I don't. I just recently. Just recently got out of a relationship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. How'd that end? Why'd that end?

[Thomas La Mountain]

I'll. I'll start the. Well, commitment. Commitment issues. What's up, Matt R. What's up, dude?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that, Thomas.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Well, funny. Funny.

[Jeremy]

Ask.

[Thomas La Mountain]

It just happened like, last week. And she was like, can we have a serious talk? And I'm like, for sure. And I got there, and she's like, let's not have it right now. I was like, all right, cool. And so I brought over Legos, you know? Cause I was like, let's do some Legos. A cool, like, Obi Wan Kenobi ship.

[Jeremy]

Fuck yeah.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, right?

[Thomas La Mountain]

Hell yeah, dog. And so I started doing the Legos. And then she was like, hey, can we talk now? And I was like, yeah, man, we're playing. I'm doing Legos right now. But sure, you know. And so we talked and, you know, it was like, oh, it's probably, you know, not good. We keep coming back to each other, you know. It's probably best. We're not really growing as people, you know. And it was. It was sad. Like, we, you know, but we both cry. We both hugged each other, you know. And at the end, she was like, oh, well, you know, I was like, well, maybe I should go. And she's like, yeah, you probably. That's probably best if you should go. And then I had to pick up my fucking Legos, like. And for a second, I was like, should I Just give her the legs. I give them. You know, they're like, no, they're my fucking Lego. You know, I'm gonna have the. I don't want the Legos. You know, So I had to be like, can you get up? I think you're on a leg. You know, it was.

[Jeremy]

It was.

[Thomas La Mountain]

It was really embarrassing. And then I packed up everything and I was like. I put on, you know, my backpack, and I was. I said bye to her, and I took a. Like, took like, a look around the room and being like, kind of like, oh, this might be, like, the last time I, you know, ever see this room. And then on the windowsill, I saw the Obi Wan Kenobi, like, minifig with, like, the lightsaber. I'm like, oh, thank God. I didn't forget that. Oh, my God. You know, it's his ship. I had to. It's his ship. Yeah, it wouldn't be. It'd be weird if I didn't have the Obiwan Kenobi minifigure with the lights. Yeah, it's the. Yeah, you get it. Yeah, you get it. So, yeah, that. That's. That happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. That's a great breakup story.

[Matt Rife]

You know, it'd be a great rebound. Kim Congdon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Matt Rife]

She's super available right now. I could put you on Contact. You seem super safe.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Does she with Legos?

[Matt Rife]

I'm sure she does. Almost positive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Call her.

[Thomas La Mountain]

Call her and see if she fucks with Legos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get a big joke book last time you were on?

[Thomas La Mountain]

I did, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. There you go. You already have it. There he goes. Thomas Lamountin, everybody. And now we've arrived at the end of the episode, and we have one regular that's going to close it out. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy is an absolute sensation. Formerly the Dark Storm of Atlanta, he's now the Dark Storm of Austin, Texas. Make some noise for the one and only Dedrick Flynn with a brand new minute, everybody.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Y' all. Motherfuck Frontier Airlines. Nigga, I hate them bag Nazis, and I don't support Nazis.

[Drew Nickens]

These niggas.

[Dedrick Flynn]

If you never had the unfortunate time to go fly Waffle House Airlines, these niggas got a metal box right there. And they say, this is a bag. No, nigga, that's a box. And then they say, you gotta put your bag. It's gotta fit in here. And if it don't, everybody that work at Frontier get to beat your fucking ass. They do. And they only hire niggas from Waffle House, so they know how to fight individually and as a unit. And if you didn't get your ass whooped, it's because you paid the $300,000 it costs to not have your bag fit in there. And the only reason they get to charge 300,000 motherfucking dollars is they ask you 300,000 motherfucking times. Do you want to buy a bag? Nigga used to buy a bag. I wouldn't fuck with us. By the guy. We've been waiting for a nigga not to buy a bag. We've been waiting. So I bought the bag online, and I got the bundle where you can pick your seat. How about these niggas sold me a windowless window seat. D gonna tell me to take my phone down. Cause I had it duct taped. Cause I'm claustrophobic, so I gotta look at something. Son. Didn't they gonna have a nerd to come back there? Talk about. The pilot said, you can't be selling snacks on the plane, Nick. I gotta get this money back. I was just selling, like, little burritos and shit. So I tried to become an entrepreneur. You know what I'm saying? It's Black History month. And they was like, but what about the gambling? Cause we was shooting dice on the plane. And so I said, hey, man, n. You telling me the captain told you to come say that? The same nigga I just sold two Adderall to before we took off this. Go. Get on the intercom and go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yo, I ain't gonna. I ain't gonna hold you, nigga.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Be my not Go. That's my time. I love y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great Dedrick Flynn with another two minutes. This guy does twice the work that he has to do. Without a doubt, the best set of the night. Dedrick, you are a freak of nature. How's life treating you?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Dude is so cool, dog. I get. My favorite thing now is, like, because I have other friends that are doing. Like, my boy Cam was opening up for you.

[Matt Rife]

Cam Bertram?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah. That's my best friend. Yeah, we got, like, five matching tattoos. Like, we've been best friends for forever.

[Anthony Fink]

Hey, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Dedrick Flynn]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

5.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You had opportunity to go get a tattoo with him, and you didn't go do it.

[Matt Rife]

Well, it shows up on me.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Monique Jones]

You like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I'll get a tattoo.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Never sees it, you handsome ass. I don't have to. You. You. Your new hair. You look like Kyle from Street Fighter. I love you so much. Yeah, you, man.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Matt Rife]

How you got gold teeth and a silver chain?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah. I'm getting that neck

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in that net

[Dedrick Flynn]

I just got on. Dumbass. You stupid fuck. You look so dumb right now in front of fucking everybody. Everybody knows I gotta take it a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

step at a time.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You're such a stupid bitch, dude. I fucking hate. And I know that shit you said about Atlanta too. N. I've been waiting to run into your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good.

[Matt Rife]

The airport's trash and I'll die on that hill.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Oh my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Die on that hill.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You are so mean to people, dude. And you. To have a face like that and be mean is. You're just so. That's just so up you, dude. Can I ask one question? You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yo, lips.

[Matt Rife]

What?

[Drew Nickens]

That's you.

[Jeremy]

I'm hot, so you get it.

[Matt Rife]

Why do you have a slingshot?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Oh, cuz that weird ass was talking about. I got to protect Kim, so I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my. My God.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah. And it's the Louis Vuitton. When this redneck made it for me in Huntsville, Alabama.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jeremy]

How long have you had a slingshot for?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I got several slingshots.

[Greg Bergman]

Let's go.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I got different ones for different, you know, things.

[Jeremy]

Different occasions.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, I got like a water balloon slingshot. I got the motorcycle that black people ride called Slingshot. I got that shit too.

[Jeremy]

What's that called again?

[Dedrick Flynn]

It's called slingshot.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you load into that to shoot?

[Jeremy]

Anything?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have some Advil right here or Dr. Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs. Anybody want to get. All right, who went to.

[Jeremy]

Who went to Advil?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's. Let's. Oh, it's a cat. We don't know if that'll work.

[Jeremy]

This guy in the second row wants it. That'll be dangerous and hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make sure you loft it up.

[Matt Rife]

The guy who for sure doesn't want it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, wow. That thing's aggressive.

[Matt Rife]

Get anybody.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Shut the up, dude. Oh, shut the up. You're not on the goddamn show. Never in 13 and a half years has a ruined a bit. I'm sick of you. Get his ass out of here.

[Matt Rife]

The guy who looks like he's on 60 days in.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, actually, you know what? Say something else. Say something else at rule one. Mowing my. We all thought he went over there, dumbass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your glasses.

[Jeremy]

It kind of looks like.

[William Montgomery]

I hate you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever shot anybody with your.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Sometimes I just sit on the roof, sunset, and then we just. I open up the window, just hit on 6th street with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, perfect.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Try to clean up the streets. Tony, there's some bad people out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't have to say sunset right there, by the way.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That's where I was.

[Hey Bulstad]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the truth.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You look. Everybody looks so stupid. Why would I lie? This is YouTube.

[Matt Rife]

They're gonna.

[Dedrick Flynn]

They're gonna know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dedrick, you are the absolute man. Your set was twice as much as you had to do. A brand new unbelievable. Two minutes. How about one more time for Dedrick Flynn, everybody?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Love y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Matt Rife official.com get tickets these of the best in the world. One more time for Matt rife, everybody. Jeremy is representing Adam ray tonight. Adamray comedy.com Jeremy's a big fan of Adam Ray. Adam is on the who is me tour. He's going to Vegas, North Carolina, South Carolina. He's going everywhere. Adamraycomedy.com for tickets. This episode is brought to you by bluechew, talk space and shopify. The drawing from Ryan je belt is in. It is incredible. It is indeed. Jeremy and Matt rife. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Oh, yeah, that's Matt rife with a mustache. That is a where he got my mustache. Machine gun Kelly, shout out to the great bonsai for making these amazing joke books and so many great leather handmade goods [e-mail] which is thriving with a bunch of great merchandise out there right now. Redban Check out the secret show every [e-mail] thank you. All right, people, we did it. We love you. Thank you. Good night. God bless this audience. God bless the United States of America. Thank you, everybody. Bye, guys. It's. Sam. Wide awake in her whiskey hole.