#644 - KIRK FOX

Summary

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Kill Tony #644 – KIRK FOX

Date: January 9, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe
Co-host: Brian Redban
Guest: Kirk Fox
House Band: Michael Gonzalez, Paul Diemer, D Madness, John D & Matt Muling

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Episode Overview

This episode features the much-anticipated return of comedy veteran Kirk Fox (Reservation Dogs, Parks & Rec, Jury Duty). The ever-chaotic comedy lottery at the Comedy Mothership delivers an array of aspiring comics, regulars, and memorable interviews, all wrapped in the unique, fast-paced, and brutally honest Kill Tony style.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Kirk Fox's Return and Introduction

• [02:50] Tony builds anticipation for Kirk Fox, praising his comedy chops and TV credits.
• Notable Quote:
  • Tony on Kirk: "He is truly one of my favorite comedians on planet Earth and a lot of your favorite comedian’s favorite comedian." (03:08)
• Lighthearted struggles with microphones and banter about the show set the tone for the night.
• Over 200 comedians signed up for a shot at performing 60 seconds on stage.

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2. Hans Kim: Fan-Favorite Regular

• [07:12 - 15:43]
• Hans opens with jokes about dryers, stepmoms, and the Cybertruck.
• Post-set banter dives into topics like:
  • Remote-controlled airplanes stuck in trees, purchasing a $150 pole to retrieve it.
  • Kimchi roommate disputes.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Hans: "My girlfriend’s still white and I’m still rich." (08:41)
  • Tony: "You saved a $200 plane with a $150 pole. That’s economics." (09:46)
• Friendly roasting, including riffs on race, kimchi ("smells like a foot farted in here"), and a quick rundown of Hans’ odd investments.

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3. Bucket Pulls – Audience Comedians

Paul Ciphers

• [16:11 - 24:53]
• Material: Buying Adderall off the street, relationship woes, "worst year of my life," and getting dumped.
• Interview highlights:
  • Works at Vulcan as a barback and PA, dreams of moving up.
  • Gets sentimental about a breakup; Tony tries to encourage a cathartic sing-a-long to Foo Fighters’ "Everlong" (23:00).
• Memorable Moment:
  • Tony: "I gotta tell you, wherever she packed up and went off to, she packed up again after that song." (23:51)

Anthony Papali

• [25:24 - 34:36]
• Material: Texas abortion laws, Indian stereotypes, getting kicked out of the Coast Guard for smoking weed.
• Interview highlights:
  • Admits he overplayed his military story last time; openly jokes about his Indian accent.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Tony: "The way you said ‘education,’ I could hear your Indian for the first time." (29:31)
  • Anthony: "I’m trying to change the image of Indians—we’re bad boys." (27:48)

Michael White

• [35:02 - 48:49]
• Material: Life as Corpus Christi’s "spaghetti plug," living homeless, racial profiling, and battle rap.
• Interview highlights:
  • Delivery spaghetti out of his apartment via Facebook, ex-girlfriend drama, and raps live on the show.
• Notable Moment:
  • Spaghetti business plan detailed ("$10 a plate, $5 for gas") and live rap performance on ADHD.
  • Tony: "Your set—absolutely god awful. However, I find you so entertaining, you still get a big joke book." (48:10)

Cam Patterson (Regular Set)

• [49:38 - 54:43]
• Material: Surfing with an apparently "gay" instructor, being a strong swimmer, family stories from Florida tour.
• Interview highlights:
  • Childhood and family anecdotes, show recaps, and crowd rapport.
• Notable Quote:
  • Cam: "I drown four times, but on the surfboard, nigga, I was fine." (52:18)

Justin Landers

• [55:18 - 63:46]
• Material: Miniatures from his wife, "Hamburglar" roleplay, white trash stereotypes, bull riding.
• Interview highlights:
  • Talks being a fabricator/welder, raising a rodeo son, a lifetime of hillbilly adventures.
• Notable Quote:
  • Tony: "You look like one of the half-a-devil’s-rejects... Purgatory reject or something like that." (59:48)

Frank Awasika

• [64:09 - 72:18]
• Material: Social anxiety, picturing women pooping, self-deprecating virgin jokes.
• Interview highlights:
  • Pivots on his "virgin" status to talking about not drinking alcohol, then fumbles a story about waiting tables.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Tony: "If you’re in the interview part, all you have to do is answer honestly and you can look good... Whatever that was." (72:28)

Chen

• [73:10 - 88:26]
• Material: Christmas "gift of life" rants; awkward, meandering first set.
• Interview highlights:
  • Reveals being a considerate trans woman on a male-to-female journey, loves Dungeons & Dragons, Magic, and World of Warcraft.
  • Open, nerdy, philosophical musings on gender and dating.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Chen: "Until I become passable, I'm not going to push myself on people." (86:07)
  • Tony: "You’re basically pitching this show as a dating app right now." (78:20)

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4. More Noteworthy Sets and Interviews

Sam Castillo

• [90:08 - 102:11]
• Material: Indian ex-girlfriend, being a twin, addiction/sobriety, and boxing.
• Interview:
  • Sober sex jokes, road rage stories, fighting with his dad and twin brother, mediocre boxing demonstration.
• Memorable Banter:
  • Tony: "You fight like the Notre Dame logo." (94:44)

Bill Rhodes

• [103:09 - 114:49]
• Material: Middle school parallels with prison life (he’s a teacher), C’s in high school, discipline, riot team past.
• Interview:
  • Single dad, high educator energy, history teacher in Huto, TX.
  • Deep dives on ex-wife's departure, stories from prison system, and anecdotes about smart-aleck students faking Tourette’s for class disruption.
• Notable Moment:
  • Student faking Tourette’s, Bill was his biggest advocate before learning it was a ruse (112:02).

Tanner Tuttle

• [115:30 - 120:16]
• Material: Addict parents, birth weight, burnt spoons at dinner, comedy club manager in Vegas.
• Interview:
  • Bought a house at 21 via a crash deal, sold it for profit, discusses his naked roast appearances.
• Notable Quote:
  • Tony: "You look like the corpse of Kurt Cobain." (116:52)

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5. William Montgomery (Regular Closer & Hall-of-Famer)

• [121:44 - End]
• Material: Fat people on Southwest, ketamine joke about Matthew Perry, Ukraine grenade bombing, bombing in Chicago.
• Banter:
  • Five-year anniversary as a Kill Tony regular.
  • Vivid breakdown of sleep paralysis and puzzle addiction.
  • Ends with audience participation (with Carter “Shanklin”) in a slapstick "human puppet arms" bit.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • William: "If you’re so morbidly obese… you don’t need to be getting on a plane, you need to be getting on a StairMaster." (121:44)
  • Tony: "If there was a video game of pedophiles, you’d be the final boss, Mr. Rhodes, the middle school teacher." (114:01)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Tony [03:08]: "He is truly one of my favorite comedians on planet Earth and a lot of your favorite comedian’s favorite comedian." (on Kirk Fox)
• Hans Kim [08:41]: "My girlfriend’s still white and I’m still rich."
• Michael White [40:10]: "I used my rap fame to start a spaghetti delivery service out of my kitchen."
• Tony [48:10]: "Your set—absolutely god awful. However, I find you so entertaining..." (to Michael White)
• Anthony Papali [27:48]: "I’m trying to change the image of Indians—we’re bad boys."
• Bill Rhodes [112:06]: "His tics were like, ‘Boy, sure has some big titties.’”
• William Montgomery [121:44]: "If you’re so morbidly obese… you don’t need to be getting on a plane, you need to be getting on a StairMaster."

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Most Memorable Segments

• Paul Ciphers sings Foo Fighters’ “Everlong” at Tony’s request ([22:53])
• Michael White details his ‘spaghetti hustle’ and delivers a live ADHD rap ([46:32])
• Frank Awasika’s virginity interview spiral and poker face confusion ([65:59] - [71:55])
• Chen’s candid discussion about being a considerate trans woman and gaming geek revelations ([74:52] - [86:07])
• Sam Castillo’s awkward boxing demo and fighting both his dad and twin brother ([94:31] - [101:05])
• Bill Rhodes’ epic tale of a student faking Tourette’s for a year—genius or troublemaker? ([111:00] - [113:08])
• William Montgomery’s puppet arms bit with a drunk audience member, tying up the episode with chaos ([130:55] - [133:47])

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The Tone

Raw, irreverent, and quick-witted—the hosts, guests, and audience embrace the awkward, the authentic, and the hilariously uncomfortable. Kill Tony’s legendary format and the return of Kirk Fox create a rowdy, unpredictable episode that spotlights both the dreams and delusions of aspiring comics.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #644 is a quintessential Kill Tony experience: comedic surprises, wild personal stories, and on-the-spot roasts, made even richer by Tony and Redban’s fearless interviewing and Kirk Fox’s sharp insight. Highlights include original characters (Michael White's spaghetti scheme), the show's embrace of the underdog, and the always unpredictable "bucket pulls."

Replay this episode for:

• Uncensored comedy
• A peek behind the curtain at struggling and up-and-coming standups
• Riotous crowd work and sharp-tongued wisdom from veteran comics

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For full performances, crowd reactions, and the much-loved chaos, catch the visual experience on YouTube!

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at desquad tv. And don't forget to check out everything. Tony [e-mail] and the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas. Go to sunsetstripatx.com and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Back on my standup tour at the end of January, hitting all the spots that I didn't hit on the fully grown tour before this. Vancouver, Portland and Seattle. You're next. January 25th, 26th and 27th. And then Los Angeles, California. I do stand up. Denver, Colorado, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Dallas, Houston, St. Louis, Nashville, Fort Lauderdale and Orlando. I'm so pumped for these upcoming dates. Really excited for you to see it. Taking some of my favorite openers with me. You may recognize some of them. Get tickets [e-mail] this is going to be my last stretch of the stand up tour for the rest of 2024. It's all just performing in Austin and Kiltoni from there. So hope to see you soon. Hey, this is Redman coming you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Clear. Who's ready for the best night of their lives tonight, huh? Yippee. Make some noise for Red Band everybody. We've been doing this little show for over a decade. It is the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony. How you guys feel? Good. Shout out to gel Blaster, Red rose, Yellow Rose, ninjabuses.com, hall Law Firm, Austin Security guard service and connect Mobile health. You can get an IV drip. Use the code kill15 to save 15%. Here's a little bit more for the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. The Sunset Strike comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Fan's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's episode? You guys big fans of the show? How many of you have been big fans of the show for a long time? Well, you guys are in for a treat because this is the return and it's been years pre pandemic since we had this guy on as a guest and he is one of the record holders for all time guest appearances and one of the all time greats. Someone who is more Than anything. On top of being nominated for an Emmy as an actor and so many great things he's been on, but truly he is one of my favorite comedians on planet Earth and a lot of your favorite comedian's favorite comedian. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of one of my all time favorites. The great and powerful Kirk Fox, everybody. Huge. Now sit here, Kirk, over here. Fuck, yeah. The great Kirk Fox, everybody. Reservation dogs, parks and rec. The new jury duty up for an Emmy. But more than anything, one of the real comedians of our era at the Comedy Store. A legend and a legend about that.

[Red Band]

But it seems important to you, so we'll just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. We're going to have a lot of fun. The reason.

[Red Band]

Is this the right mic? I don't want to interrupt you. I know the rules you gave me, but is this the mic you want me on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. No, no. Do you. Was that you? Do you do that? Hold on. Don't press on the thing, man.

[Red Band]

I don't want any trouble. Just like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that good? We got that. Okay.

[Red Band]

But that was next to me. You understand why I grabbed it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Totally.

[Red Band]

Okay, so someone fucked up already.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. Put that away to never be used again.

[Red Band]

Okay. Frame it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to have fun, Kirk, you know how it works. Over 200 souls signed up for the chance to get one minute on this stage here tonight. If I pull their name out of

[Red Band]

the bucket, right, Souls?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay. That would get scary if it was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just see death here in the spotlight. Okay. But yes, you know how it works. They get 60 seconds.

[Red Band]

I mean, it's been a while. I'll be honest with you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted.

[Red Band]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

60 seconds.

[Red Band]

I know. We're just getting the kinks out. I'll be done in a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up. Then they're also gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts them. And then I ask them a bunch of questions and we find out more about who we pulled out of the bucket. I'm gonna pre poll right now. Our first comedian and they have to go across the street to a special bar and get the person I believe they yell it. What do you yell it through a megaphone, Colt? You do? Yeah. All right. Well, there he goes. I didn't even know that. I've always wondered, like, why did someone just yell the name?

[Red Band]

Did you store them across the street? Is this what happens?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. There's a bar.

[Red Band]

You don't want to keep souls in here, so that's good. You put the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Red Band]

At a new bar. I'm with you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I take the humans to the bar. We keep the souls here. Okay.

[Red Band]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, I interview them. The whole thing's improvised. It's all crazy. You guys are. Know what? You guys know where you're at. You guys ready to have a great fucking show tonight or what? But while they get that poor, poor person from across the street, we're going to get the show started with a fucking legend of the show, everybody. You know him as a guy that used to live in his fucking van. And now I tell you, he's living his dreams. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you know the word. You guys know the words.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you for that long song. I have been putting dryers all throughout my neighborhood because I want to catch a stepmom. I love taking Ubers, you know, it's gonna be a good Uber if you can't tell if it's the driver's name or his license plate. I've been thinking about getting the new Cybertruck. Cause I want a car that tells people not only is my dick small, but I wax my balls as well. My girlfriend recently told me that I have the best personality of any man she's ever dated. Which is sad. Cause I didn't know my dick was that small. All right, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ok, that's Kim. Did you say dryers? Was that the first?

[Hans Kim]

Yes. Dryers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

As in like washing machine? Washing machine, dryer dryers, yes. Because stepmoms use dryers.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, they get stuck in them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, okay. It's a type of porn that he watches, Ryan.

[Hans Kim]

I watch American porn. Not the Japanese shit that you're into.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you guys have actually flip flopped. It's like Tom Hanks and the little boy in the movie Big. You should be liking Japanese porn. And he should for sure like stepmom's cotton dryers. But the world works in mysterious ways. How you doing, Hans Kim?

[Hans Kim]

I'm doing fabulously. You know, my girlfriend's still white and I'm still rich.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Super likable.

[Red Band]

That can all change. So that's good. That could all change. A few of those. A dryer joke could change everything. But it's all right. You came out with confidence. I spoke with you downstairs and you had high hopes. A lot can change, man. You come up two. Two. Two stories. Two floors?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, two floors.

[Red Band]

Each step got you closer to this moment. I do love you, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We Love you. Hans, what's going on in your life?

[Hans Kim]

I recently bought a remote control airplane and I got it stuck in a tree and so I bought a $150 pole and got it out and got my $200 airplane out with.

[Red Band]

Yeah, these are the investments that can take you in the other direction pretty quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is. 150 dol dollar pole for a $200 airplane.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, it's a 30 foot pole. I, I mean I still have, I'm not going to return it. I, I, I'm, I'm going to use it, you know, I feel.

[Red Band]

But you saved money on the tree, right?

[Hans Kim]

The Christmas tree.

[Red Band]

See, I can suck too. I'm just showing you that it's, it's universal. Sure got quiet. They thought something was coming and I just showing them that it can sometimes not come.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hans, let me ask you something. A 30 foot pole, is that what you needed?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, it was pretty high up there. Just poked it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does it retract?

[Hans Kim]

Yes, it folds in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Folds in. I think. Yeah, I think D Madness has one of those over here somewhere.

[Cam Patterson]

Steven.

[Michael White]

Gotta put up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you think you're going to use it in the future? Are you going to use it to mostly like talk shit? Like I wouldn't touch you with a 30 foot pole. And I know because I have a 30 foot pole.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. I mean my reach is unlimited. I mean 30 foot, but yeah, I could touch a lot of things from far away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, that's going to help you when you're near the playground next time you need to get a. Yeah, 31 foot restraining order is what they need from you.

[Red Band]

Did you get the plane out?

[Hans Kim]

Yes. Poked it out, fell in the water. I dried it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wouldn't it be great if we could do that to the planes during 9 11. Just fucking poke them out real quick. So the whole thing didn't like if we just would have gotten rid of that jet fuel.

[Red Band]

Still can. There's pieces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So the plane falls down as it's still working?

[Hans Kim]

Yes. But then I crashed it again and the front wheel caved in. So I'm going to return it and get a new one.

[Michael White]

Wow.

[Red Band]

But you'll keep the pole for next time?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think Asians are better than normal people at flying airplanes?

[Hans Kim]

We're about exponentially worse. The third dimension really sends me in a tail loop. Start spinning around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah.

[Red Band]

Those were words I didn't understand. But once again you are confident in the delivery and we'll go with it.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you, Kirk. I'm here for you, it's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you watch the plane fly into the tree?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I was controlling it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What's the range on something like that?

[Hans Kim]

Probably like a thousand feet.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Anthony Papali]

Can you.

[Red Band]

So you were flying low?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I was showing off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you see up like. Like, like normal people or do you have special goggles and a camera on the airplane?

[Red Band]

You don't need to see up when you have a 30 foot pole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, to demagness that shit.

[Red Band]

Just feel up there.

[Hans Kim]

I can see up. Yes, Brian, I can see up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If he wouldn't, it would have been a Malaysian airplane. It would have disappeared. Everybody. Electronic air. Electronic airplane jokes. That's. Kirk said you should have watched the news. The Malaysian plane disappeared. I think it was 15 years ago or something like that.

[Red Band]

I mean, I would have had to have started 15 years ago. I'm waiting for this coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Red Band]

So Malaysia went down. It'll be all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It disappeared.

[Red Band]

It'll be okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hans, anything else crazy we need to know about you tonight?

[Hans Kim]

One of my roommates is not a fan of my kimchi.

[Red Band]

Is that your girlfriend Kimchi?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It does smell really bad, though. It stinks.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, it's food. If you process it as food, it's like, whatever. That's food. It's okay. Why do you have to make a big deal about it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did the roommate say?

[Hans Kim]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn. What the hell? Wait, I am so confused with the race of this roommate. There's a part where I thought it was black and then it got white halfway through.

[Hans Kim]

Where's that? Chinese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think it's black again. Going back to black.

[Hans Kim]

Smells like a foot farted in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that what he said?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, it was pretty poetic.

[Michael White]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yo, it smelled like a foot farted in here like that. Yeah, right.

[Hans Kim]

God damn my N word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Now I know for a fact that it is indeed.

[Red Band]

I just like watching to see where it goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's going farther and farther.

[Red Band]

It's not getting there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're almost there.

[Hans Kim]

I'm not gonna say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So would you guys settle on the kimchi battle?

[Hans Kim]

He just told me that it's smelly and I was just like, well, you know, I'm a Korean roommate. This is like par for the course. You're lucky I'm not bringing out the ginseng. That's another Korean thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have a garage?

[Hans Kim]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should get a garage refrigerator for the kimchi.

[Hans Kim]

Oh, okay. I don't have to go in the garage every time.

[Michael White]

So what?

[William Montgomery]

It's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry. It's like somebody cooking fish every day, you know, you don't want your whole

[Frank Awasika]

house to smell like fish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to deal with a. An Asian. Yeah. He has to say it now. I'm not allowed to say it anymore.

[Red Band]

Can we think we can think it right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we bleep it?

[Red Band]

Is that what it's called?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I love it. Hans, every single week, you start the show in an amazing fashion. You did it tonight. There goes Hans Kim everywhere.

[Anthony Papali]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim.

[Red Band]

Hans, I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. All right, back to the bucket. We go make some noise for your first bucket bowl. Obviously, this is where shit can be out of control. Makes noise for Paul Ciphers, everybody. 60 seconds. Uninterrupted of stand up comedy by a hopeful that was contained in a bar all night. This Paul Ciphers.

[Paul Ciphers]

I like to take Adderall, but I don't have health care, so I have to buy it off of drug dealers. I got some a few weeks ago. I brought it home. I was like, damn, this is some good shit. And then three days later, I was like, damn, this is some crystal meth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what this is.

[Paul Ciphers]

This has been the worst year of my life. I'm glad it's ending. It started off pretty rough. Last year on New Year's Eve, I got hit by the same drunk driver two times. I was sitting in the passenger seat and my dad punched me in both of my eyes.

[Chen]

So.

[Paul Ciphers]

That's what I get for trying to kiss him when the ball dropped. You know what I mean? I'm kind of tired. This morning I saved a woman from a train. I pushed her out of the way and let all those guys fuck me instead. So. Thank you guys very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

60 seconds exactly from Paul Ciphers. Fuck yeah. You let all guys the. You. You gay?

[Paul Ciphers]

No, I'm not Just in the joke. Well, if you want me to be.

[Red Band]

Whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. This guy's down for anything. Lucky D. Well, if you want me to be, Hell yeah. Welcome to show business, buddy. Yeah. All right. Have you been on this show before?

[Paul Ciphers]

I have over at Vulcan and one time at Antones as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow, we're going to have to bleep that.

[Paul Ciphers]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Paul Ciphers]

Five or six years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All of it in Austin?

[Paul Ciphers]

No, I moved here three years ago from Worcester, Massachusetts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, Worcester. That comes up a lot on this show. Worcester.

[Paul Ciphers]

A lot of us are here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's the most famous comedian from there?

[Paul Ciphers]

Doug Stanhope, maybe. Louis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sort of. Yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a huge scene out there in Boston and how you said five or six years total.

[Paul Ciphers]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What do you do for work?

[Paul Ciphers]

Right now I'm working at Vulcan as a door guy and a bar back and. And then just whatever else. I can pick up shifts on 6th street doing that kind of stuff. Yeah. And I just started as a PA Here a week or two ago working for you, so it's been fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Yeah. That's amazing. You just started. Thank you. Good stuff. Yoni,

[Red Band]

if you're buying Adderall off the street, you're going to find a lot of work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for the show? I gotta know.

[Paul Ciphers]

They just brought me on. I'm just running. Grab one if they tell me. Teaching me what to do. Yeah, Just brought me on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. But what do you. What have you done?

[Paul Ciphers]

I've helped set up chairs. I've done that. I have given the gel guns to the people when they get off stage and I tell them, great job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. From the great people over at Gel Blast. Yeah, that's a great.

[Red Band]

And you're getting paid for that, Austin seems like the place to be.

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Thumbs up. You're fucking getting paid. I'd be make a fortune.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, we're paying this guy? I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't believe. So Yoni's saying. No, Yoni's going like that. My Jew executive producer is literally like, I love it.

[Paul Ciphers]

Getting paid an experience.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I like that. That's very, very. I mean, that seems to make sense. If what you're doing is going. Good job. Use a gel blaster once every 10 minutes. Seems like pretty much fucking nothing.

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

Helping with signups and stuff. Yeah, yeah, anything they want to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure? Are you sure that you're supposed to be helping? Yeah, this guy's just an invader. Like, I've been one of your top young, rising production assistants. You might know me as the fastest rising producer of chairs. Moving behind table, Gel blasters being handed out. I'm about to be the president of show business in minutes at this pace.

[Red Band]

And have you seen his thumb? He's got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a strong thumbs up. I love it. So, Paul, tell us something interesting about your childhood.

[Paul Ciphers]

Oh, my childhood? Not much. I cried during Powder the Pop Warner football a lot until my. My brother's played football for a long time and I just cried so many times. My family told me I shouldn't go back anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So do you cry now?

[Paul Ciphers]

Well, my Girlfriend just moved all of our stuff out of her apartment and left me a week ago, so I've been crying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Red Band]

I guess you didn't pull her chair out enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I mean, I don't know, but I noticed something really interesting. Maybe hold your thought, because what I took from that. I don't know if any. If anybody else noticed this. But you didn't say that your girlfriend broke up with you. You said, my girlfriend got her stuff and moved it out a week ago.

[Paul Ciphers]

No, she broke up with me, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, okay. Just making sure that you know that.

[Paul Ciphers]

No, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You seemed really hopeful there for a second. The way I analyze that is like, well, she thinks she broke up with me, but now she took all her

[Red Band]

shit, but she's just making room for more love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She took all of her shit and her human body, but her soul is with me. Do you think you could cry for us if we. If we helped? Was there a song in particular that she loved or that she would play a lot?

[Paul Ciphers]

I don't think I could cry here. I'm in a pretty good mood right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you again. Was there a specific song that she. That reminds you of her?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't know.

[Paul Ciphers]

Maybe. Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know? How long were you with her?

[Paul Ciphers]

I mean, I'm sure there's songs that remind me. I don't know if they'd make me cry, though, if they play.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not what I'm asking. Okay, sure. Take the cry.

[Paul Ciphers]

Let's go with the song Everlong by Foo Fighters. That would make.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you. What are your thoughts when you think about Everlong from the Foo Fighters? What does it remind you of? A time with her?

[Paul Ciphers]

No, they're not just the lyrics of the song, you know, they're just. Just a sad song in general, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, is that it? Can we get a spotlight on? Paul? I'll play it, too, if you keep playing it. Don't stop now. Let's go. Let's go through. Just look out there. Look at the. Look at the camera. Wait, are you trying to sing? Is that what.

[Paul Ciphers]

No, I mean, I can try. I'm not good at it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, go sing.

[Red Band]

I've waited here for you she might

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

see this ever long this could win her back tonight. Come on. You got this, Paul.

[Paul Ciphers]

I'll throw myself into who

[Red Band]

out of

[Paul Ciphers]

red, out of her head she sang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You packed your bags But I'm in love with you and I wonder. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop. No, no, no. I gotta tell you, wherever she packed up and went off to, she packed up again. She's going farther away. She's going. She's going the opposite direction. I don't know. She went to New Jersey.

[Red Band]

I think she's coming back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a chance she went to New Jersey.

[Paul Ciphers]

That's how shitty.

[Red Band]

Did you guys ever watch football together? Did that ever come into play?

[Paul Ciphers]

No, that never came up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

Yeah, just fucking. What was it about Pop Warner that just would break you into tears? I mean, we skipped over what started it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't like being tackled?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah, I was not good at it. Very bad at it.

[Red Band]

Did they tackle you before the game or something?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah, just. Even the Oklahoma drills and stuff just beat the shit out of me. So I was out real young. You asked me something about my childhood. I just had to, like, spin the wheels, pick something in the right light.

[Red Band]

You do look like a beautiful woman, though. She's a strong light. Good backlight for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the longest standup set you've ever done?

[Paul Ciphers]

20 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. Look at that. Paul Ciphers. Mickey's.

[Paul Ciphers]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have his joke book already, huh?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah, I have, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. There you go. Paul Ciphers. You have a small one and a big one. That's amazing. I love that. It's fun to hear the people that have had. Did I fucking miss a bucket pull? Oh, that was him. Oh, sweet. Perfect. Yep. There's the one that we funneled. And the new one goes out, makes noise for Anthony Papoli, everybody. Straight out of the bucket, Anthony Papoli. 60 seconds. What's up?

[Anthony Papali]

Dude, I'm not from Texas, all right? And I'm trying to learn about Texans. And what I've learned about Texans is you guys like your guns, your hunting, your fishing, just terminating everything out here, really, you know, except pregnancies. You guys are like, no, sir. Those aren't in season, you know? No, sir, But I bet you can sell abortion to Texas, you know, you just gotta take it out of Planned Parenthood and then drop it in a Bass Pro shop, you know what I'm saying? Like, every abortion free box of ammo, you'd have a line out the door, man. You go in, your girl gets the abortion. You pick up a Salt Life T shirt and fucking Roll Tide, baby. Let's go, dude. Have some fun. I don't know how I feel about abortion, though. You know? Like, on one hand, I think it's a woman's Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To choose.

[Anthony Papali]

Right. But sometimes, you know, you see a little kid and you're like, oh, look at that guy. He didn't get aborted, you know? But then you remember he goes to school in America. So you're like, oh, he's got plenty of time. He's got plenty of time to be aborted. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah. Anthony Papilli. Am I saying that right? Papilli.

[Anthony Papali]

Papali.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Papali.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, that makes more sense. Papali. Hell, yeah.

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on this show before, correct?

[Anthony Papali]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And remind us, what. What are you again? What are you? What's your ethnicity?

[Anthony Papali]

100 Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, always.

[Anthony Papali]

Seriously, though, I'm an Indian guy, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're an Indian guy.

[Justin Landers]

I'm Indian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I love it.

[Red Band]

Got the 100, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Anthony Papali]

Pretty Indian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Anthony Papali]

I just got out of the military, and so I'm kind of figuring out what to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What'd you do in the military?

[Anthony Papali]

I was in the Coast Guard. Worked on ships and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What'd you do?

[Red Band]

I see something in boating maybe in your future.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe.

[Anthony Papali]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What'd you do on the ships?

[Anthony Papali]

Just, like, navigation stuff. Worked in public affairs. I gotta be honest, last time I was on here, I said I was in the military, but I didn't say that I did get kicked out of the military. I got kicked out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got kicked out?

[Anthony Papali]

I got kicked out, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How? The rare Indian misbehavior. An anomaly.

[Anthony Papali]

I'm trying to change the image of Indians. We're bad boys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're bad boys. What exactly does an Indian do to get kicked out of the military?

[Anthony Papali]

I had a puff of marijuana, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had a puff of marijuana?

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah, I had a little bit of marijuana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More than a puff?

[Anthony Papali]

More than a puff? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you say a puff?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't know. I'm nervous and I'm excited.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's adorable. It's an adorable answer. How old are you, Anthony?

[Anthony Papali]

I'm 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30 years old. How long you been doing stand up?

[Anthony Papali]

Eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How much you been here in Austin?

[Anthony Papali]

About two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two months?

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you move from?

[Anthony Papali]

I was. I was in, like, the Orlando area for a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you doing in the Orlando area?

[Anthony Papali]

Well, I was stationed in Cape Canaveral before I moved here, so Orlando was, like, the closest big city.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Yeah. And you talked a lot about abortion? I did, yeah. Yeah, a lot.

[Anthony Papali]

A lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All the trimesters, you talked about abortion of your side? All of them.

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is. What is Indian culture and abortion? What are those two things? Like, what's the crossover there?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't think it exists. I think they just let, like. If you want an abortion, I think you let nature take over, you know, like in India, you just look like a cobra come in or. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or a cow.

[Anthony Papali]

Or a cow. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah.

[Red Band]

Those babies don't last that long if a cobra's involved. I know that.

[Anthony Papali]

Not that long.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where were you raised?

[Anthony Papali]

California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What part? Bay Area. San Francisco. Okay. And what convenience stores do your parents own?

[Anthony Papali]

7 11, Dunkin Donuts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seriously, what do your parents do for work?

[Anthony Papali]

My dad does, like, education consulting, and my mom doesn't do anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The way you said education, I could hear your Indian for the first time.

[Anthony Papali]

You want me to turn it up or not? You want me to?

[Cam Patterson]

Yes.

[Anthony Papali]

You guys are so racist. I knew I was gonna get a laugh if I did that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course. Yeah. It's funny.

[Red Band]

You buried the lead, my friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Anthony Papali]

Stupid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, my dad, he works in education. That's what I heard. That's what it sounded like. It was a real switch.

[Red Band]

Abortion sounds funnier with that accent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, they got an abortion tr.

[Justin Landers]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

spot on. Indian accent activated.

[Anthony Papali]

It's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, right? See, it's good.

[Red Band]

What you do in the Coast Guard. If I could ask, did you ships, but what.

[Anthony Papali]

I worked on boats. I did, like, navigation stuff. I was on a gun crew.

[Red Band]

So you're stone. Just trying to guide ships.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Good thing we haven't been to at war for a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the ships are docked.

[Anthony Papali]

They're docked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What's the most Indian thing about your Indian father?

[Anthony Papali]

What's the most Indian thing about my Indian father? Yeah, other than the fact that he's Indian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does he do something super Indian?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't know. My dad came here when he was, like, 18. Became.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever walk in and he's like, floating in the living room, like, meditating or something. You're like, dad, how do you do that?

[Anthony Papali]

That'd be sick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One day you will have douchebald. That's great. Watch. It's gonna be like, I'm not gonna know. It's gonna be Indian Heritage Month or something like that. I'm like, oh, God, here we go.

[Anthony Papali]

I got your bag. I'll defend you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So offensive. How dare you say we talk exactly like that?

[Anthony Papali]

No, my dad is very Americanized. He came here and fell in love with America. Listens to, like, classic rock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long was he in India for?

[Anthony Papali]

18 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

18 years. But meanwhile, every other word that you said didn't sound Indian. But your. But you. When you said education sounded super Indian.

[Anthony Papali]

I think it just ingrained in me because my dad used to make me just study so hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you talked to your dad?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't know, like a week maybe, Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you something. You think that if we called your father.

[Anthony Papali]

Oh, fuck, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Said hello to him for a second, got up, barometer of what he kind of sounds like, right? Because you said he's super Americanized. So my guess is that he might not sound that Indian, right?

[Anthony Papali]

I don't think so, personally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me neither. But here's my point. Here's what I want to do. I want to get a little. A test tube. His fucking natural accent, his American accent. Then I want you to ask him what he. What field he works in, okay? Because I want to see if his education sounds Indian, because I bet the fucking. I bet the genie doesn't fall far from the tree. And you're.

[Anthony Papali]

He probably is not going to say the word education just for that. He'll just say consulting.

[Red Band]

Was he proud that you took all the education knowledge and went into the Coast Guard?

[Anthony Papali]

Oh, dude, he's here. He was pretty worried. You know, Indian people come here, they become doctors, engineers. And I was like, can we call

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

your dad real quick?

[Anthony Papali]

You want to call him and call him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's call him. That's his phone. Okay.

[Anthony Papali]

Oh, that is my phone. Oh, y. Yeah, yeah. Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It happens quick. We take it off of them when they come through the back support.

[Red Band]

What if he.

[Anthony Papali]

You want me just hold it like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, put it on speaker. Make sure your volume's all the way up. And here, I'll actually. I'll hold the phone and you just listen.

[Red Band]

See if he could reset my phone.

[Anthony Papali]

Don't tell him about the abortion jokes.

[Red Band]

No, you're here.

[Anthony Papali]

I didn't pick up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn it.

[Red Band]

I hope he's okay.

[Chen]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It would have been so funny if the answering machine was like, hey, guys, sorry I couldn't make it to the phone. Have a big day tomorrow. Working in. That's what I was shooting for. But I guess they're not gonna find out tonight.

[Red Band]

Does your dad smoke weed? Sorry, Tony.

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah, I think he does it now, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. When you say now, you mean you think he started long after you left the house and joined the military? You don't think he was smoking the whole time?

[Anthony Papali]

I think he probably did when he was a teenager and then started once I Left the house again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why are you saying it like it's

[Anthony Papali]

a. I don't know, dude. I'm not sure. I don't know. I really don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn, we have so much to talk to this guy about.

[Red Band]

Something shady.

[Anthony Papali]

My dad is shady. My dad is.

[Red Band]

You're not telling us everything. Look, man, I got kicked out of the Coast Guard. But was it just for weed or.

[Anthony Papali]

Just weed? Honestly, Missile, I'm a good guy. Hey, guys. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good person. I just like fucking smoked weed, right? I love America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, he's starting to sound like a terrorist. All right, Tony, make a note of

[Red Band]

his name and let's keep a track of this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony Papaler. Did you get a little joke book last time? You're on.

[Anthony Papali]

I got the big one last time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, there you go. Here's a little one.

[Anthony Papali]

Oh, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony Papali. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right, on we go. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Michael White, everybody. Michael White. You guys having fun out there, huh? He is michael white.

[Michael White]

What's up, atx? I'm from Corpus Christi, the city of Salinas. I live two hours away from Mexico, so my white privilege doesn't activate until I enter Hays County. And there's not a lot of black people in my city for the police to harass. So I'm like the substitute teacher. I lived in the streets for five years. Cause my stepdad didn't like me wiggle. Oppression is real. I got my first car when I was 21. So after sleeping at bus stops and couch hopping in the projects for four years, I was able to live in my car until I got my own apartment. When I didn't have a car or when my car isn't working, I run errands on foot. If I walk far enough, CCPD will run up illegally, search me and check me for warrants. And they always say it's because you match a description. So if you ever see anyone who still wears tall tees with a do rag on top of his hat, call Crime Stoppers. They been looking for that dude since I was 16 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I fucking love it. Michael White. Hell yeah. This is like your 8 mile right now.

[Michael White]

Dude, somebody just told me that on TikTok.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it.

[Michael White]

When I was live outside, you only had one shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And let me tell you, you did not miss your chance to blow. Yo, yo. It's a good 8 mile reference right there, okay? So let's just Jump right into it. What the. I love it. Where are you from? Okay.

[Michael White]

Corpus Christi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Corpus Christi.

[Frank Awasika]

Yeah.

[Michael White]

The city of Selena.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been there.

[Michael White]

The lady that Cardi B is trying

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to be like, oh, don't start any wars here, my friend. We got no beef here. Sorry, Cardi. All right, so let's talk about it. Michael, so much. By the way, I literally am so excited about this, I don't even know where to begin. So are you aware that you have a scream mask tucked into some type of sideways baseball cap or something like that? You know what you're dressed like right now?

[Michael White]

Oh, yeah, laundry day. I had to wear your mama muscle shirt. Strong ass bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love. Have you done stand up comedy before?

[Michael White]

I've actually. I've been a performer since I was 13 as a musician and a battle rapper. But I always been funny in my raps and people always leave comments on my rap battle saying, you're not a rapper, you're a stand up comedian. And it took me like forever to swallow my pride and start doing stand up comedy because I felt like they were discredit, you know, people were discrediting my rap skills. And I would discredit myself too if I fell into that and just started doing it. But I was like, fuck it, whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They were right. I love it. So how many times, how often have you tried stand up then?

[Michael White]

Oh, I just started like a year and a half ago. That's when I started doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're doing a lot of it in Corpus Christi. Yeah, yeah.

[Michael White]

And I upload. I upload it to my TikTok and shit. I'm one of those type of comedians. I don't repeat. I don't go to open mics and repeat the same shit every week. I record it, upload it, and then I come up with a new one. Upload it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, you just have a ton of really bad. You have a ton of shitty.

[Michael White]

If you make me a regular, I'll always have something new.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, no, I don't know. Stop it. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Crazy people trying to sabotage. Do it, you haters. I love it, man.

[Red Band]

Okay, now, is this your look, If I could ask, is this kind of your style or is this just for tonight?

[Michael White]

Look, look around. Does anybody else look like me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it is a complete.

[Michael White]

Okay, this is my style. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I claim it is that Wayne Bryant

[Michael White]

right here on the Kill Tony show is trademarked. So Drake can't steal this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think Drake has been stealing your. Some of your swagger Style.

[Michael White]

Oh, man, when he put hair clips on his head, man, I used to put hair clips on my. On my head and I can't do it no more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't, cuz Drake did it.

[Michael White]

Yeah, they. I called them. They were my. I puto. I call them puto clips. I used to put them on cuz I'm a puto. The. My acronym is players undermining their ops power.

[Red Band]

You. You say you swallow a lot of pride, right? You swallow a lot of yo. You swallow pride.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the manic episode is beginning right in front of us. This is crazy.

[Michael White]

I'm having flashbacks.

[Red Band]

Are so loose, you can't tell if he's swallowing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is unbelievable. Who knows? This time next week, Drake might be dressed like Rick Moranis. Shrunk him. This is incredible.

[Red Band]

I do think the cops are doing the right thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Red Band]

you do fit a description.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you this, Michael White. What do you do for work?

[Michael White]

All right, so I'm one of the most known artists in my city. So I used my rap fame to start a spaghetti delivering service out of my kitchen. My. My. Cause my ex. My ex girlfriend from. From Italy taught me how to make the best spaghetti. You know what I'm saying?

[Red Band]

She taught me how to make. He needs that to be the opener.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a delivery app.

[Michael White]

I'm the spaghetti plug in myself. Nah, Facebook. Facebook is the app now. But here's the thing, though. I only do it when I need to pay a bill. And when I don't need to pay a bill, I spend my time on my career. That's why I'm always broke, begging my tick tock for money to eat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on. Stick with me here, stick with me here. So when you need some money. Are you. Are you joking? Are you serious? You make a bunch of spaghetti and you people pay you for it around Corpus Christmas?

[Michael White]

Yeah. Hey, man, we.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We almost made it through that whole thing without.

[Michael White]

We love food.

[Red Band]

And Corpus gives him a CD and a bowl of spaghetti. We love food. And Corpus out of his trunk that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he sleeps in, bro.

[Michael White]

You know how easy it is to sell food in carpets? Everybody sells food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it.

[Michael White]

I say, oh, man, while I'm cooking, I meet my quota. Like I'm. I'm right there messaging everybody my cousin while I'm cooking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how much spaghetti are we talking about? You sell it in. What kind of containers are you putting?

[Michael White]

My quota is 14 plates in a night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how do you.

[Michael White]

Which is $10 a plate, $5 of gas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, hold on. Michael, stick with Me over here, Mike. Michael, over here. Michael. Michael, over here. Stick with me here. Okay? What do you put the spaghetti on when you deliver it to people? Is it a plate with tin foil? Is it a gladlock container to go boxes? Oh, like styrofoam folding to go boxes. So you invested in the styrofoam boxes? Yeah. So you're. The most you do is 14 or the minimum you do is 14?

[Michael White]

Yeah, I do about 14.

[Hans Kim]

That's what I do.

[Red Band]

But you could do more.

[Michael White]

It's kind of the word, you know, because my re up. My re up cost like 55 bucks

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to do favorite interviews.

[Michael White]

I was like, you. You making more money than selling a 50 pack of Coke. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, okay, hold on. This was my next question. How much are you selling each container of spaghetti for?

[Michael White]

It's $10 each, and then $5. $5 for the gas fee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you. You make $140 a night, working very hard, making and delivering this spaghetti. And meanwhile, you were talking about it like you're cooking coke like your Scarface. You're making all the money.

[Michael White]

The re up is 55, so the rest is profit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The biscuit.

[Michael White]

The what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you say biscuit?

[Michael White]

I said. I said the re up is 55, and the rest of it is profit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the rest of it.

[Michael White]

The rest of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The rest of it.

[Red Band]

Do people come to your house for the plate? You go out there in the world, you just go out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The way you. The way you say that you deliver makes me think that your house might not be the greatest conditions for somebody to come eat spaghetti at. Can you describe your place for us? Is it a studio?

[Michael White]

It's like an efficiency size, you know, But. But here's the thing. You know, it's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's Not Amore by Dean Martin. Welcome. Hey, come on in. It's Michael White. Who wants. Who wants a spaghetti?

[Sam Castillo]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's one of the nicest guys. He'd give you the wife beater off his head. You're gonna love this guy's spaghetti. It's so good. Look, don't judge the size of his clothes. Don't judge a man.

[Michael White]

Everything bigger in Texas.

[Red Band]

Yo,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I honestly want to try this spaghetti. Let me ask you this. Can you give us an example of how you make it?

[Michael White]

Well, my ex from Italy, she taught me how to make it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, but what do you remember?

[Michael White]

I'm not going to tell the whole world my recipe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Leave a couple key ingredients out. Give us. Give us the backbone of your Sauce.

[Michael White]

I don't know how to do that without. Without snitching on myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's like, come on, dude, it's tomato sauce. Go ahead, give us a little bit. Start rattling off your quantity.

[Michael White]

Well, I mean, I, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No one's here to steal your spaghetti recipe.

[Michael White]

I mean, okay, the basics is tomato sauce, hamburger meat, and then the rest is me making it live.

[Red Band]

Apart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm going to die.

[Red Band]

Hey, wait, wait.

[William Montgomery]

Why.

[Red Band]

Why would she leave you? Why would your fucking ex leave a guy making spaghetti, man? Is she a waitress?

[Michael White]

Nah, I left her, man. She was crazy. Yeah, man, I got two scars on my face because of her. Yeah, what did she do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She forked you

[Michael White]

spaghetti. You know how women are, man. They don't know how to lose a conversation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What'd she do to your face, man? She was.

[Michael White]

Whenever we'll be talking and if I happen to be winning, just nails come out of nowhere.

[Red Band]

Did she have to call you chef?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Okay, but seriously, though, you said tomato sauce and hamburger.

[Michael White]

Tony, why do you look like you seen the star spanking triangle banner? The old version.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I don't know why I look like that. Why?

[Michael White]

I don't know, but I feel like if I wanted you to suck my dick, you wouldn't do it because you're racist.

[Red Band]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is. There was. There's a lot to unpack in such a short use. The good economy of words there. I don't know which part to figure out.

[Red Band]

He confused you with food talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable.

[Red Band]

There's a slow burn.

[Michael White]

I'm sorry. I'm hangry. I need some spaghetti.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much spaghetti do you eat? Is that pretty much your whole thing?

[Michael White]

Like I said, I only do it when I need to pay a bill. When I don't need to pay bills, I focus on my career as an entertainer. That's why I'm always broke.

[Red Band]

I want to hear, keep one for yourself.

[Michael White]

And I beg my TikTok for money to feed me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are such a fucking interesting person. But I do want to hear some of this rapping before you leave. What kind of. All right, tell them. Tell them what kind of beat you on or whatever. Look at Michael.

[Michael White]

All right, I do my song, my adhd. Go make the beat like this. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Michael White]

I don't smoke a dream, but I don't be knocking people that do. I'm just saying my 80ad is all I need.

[Red Band]

Look at me.

[Michael White]

My 80ad. My 80ad is all I need. I don't smoke a dream but I don't be knocking people that do I'm just saying wee My 80 ad is all I need look at me, my 80 ad My 80 ad is all I need Getting ready to hit the club with my pilot so they can get they drank on and I'm the designated driver so I gotta get my thank gone I ain't even trippin though I don't even be drinking, bro I just love spitting flows, making money and hitting I'm a sober motherfucker but I be acting like I'm on it Got my ADHD on full speed supersonics have me a unsweet tea so I can I add my own sugar Go live in the paint bouncing off the wall like Aruga Pull the ricochet like TMC hold up man everybody in the club thinking I'm on EXO when it's just me I'm from the street I'm naturally ghetto or maybe come mama had me taking riddle in since I was five Till I'm old enough to not sing no more Now I'm allowed to be five Now I'm allowed to go live and live in my childhood One more time like what I'm gonna put it down like a millionaire light skinned thug I don't smoke a drink but I don't be knocking people that do I'm just saying weed, my ADHD is all I need look at me, my adhd, my ADHD is all I need all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's actually fucking pretty goddamn interesting.

[Michael White]

But I want to be a stand

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

up comedian, so no, it's not gonna work out, buddy. But you're a hell of an interview and that was fantastic. You're set. Absolutely God awful. Let there be no no question. However, I find you so entertaining, you still get a big joke book and a big gel blaster. So there he goes. Michael White, everybody. The Kill Tony debut of Michael White. Proof that anybody can fucking get pulled out of the bucket. We have very low standards here on Kill Tony. That turned around, man. Literally. The people that walk the line of absolute anything in album happen.

[Red Band]

But the recipe, not bad. Simple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's basically sauce, hamburger meat and magic. Like what? Hamburger meat. I love the words. The words hamburger meat say so much about what that sauce has to be like. Didn't call it beef. Specifically hamburger meat.

[Red Band]

He knows what works, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You never know what we'll find out of the bucket. We once found this, this guy out of the bucket. Now he's a goddamn superstar. One of our best regulars ever. Make some Noise for the great Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Hey, that nigga dead, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I killed him dead hell, man.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, let's get into the joke. I went. I went surfing for the first time a couple days ago. I did not like it. Cause I can't swim that good. Well, I can swim very good for a black guy. You know what I'm saying? I can dog a paddle my ass off, but y' all motherfuckers got me beat. You know what I'm saying? And the dude I was surfing with, he was gay. Or maybe I thought he was gay. He was gay as hell, dawg. You know what I'm saying? And we was in the ocean. I thought he wanted to fuck me. So I was scared. And he just said.

[Bill Rhodes]

He.

[Cam Patterson]

He just kept saying, like, nice shit. Like, oh, you look so good in that wet suit. You like, a real good swimmer. Like, you trying to fuck me, sir? This is terrifying. And then at one point, we seen, like, this beautiful last sunset. The sunset was beautiful, dog. Like, it was nice. And then I looked at him, he looked at me. And then we kissed. Now I'm playing. Listen, I'm talking. I saw that beautiful last sunset, bro. I'm like, damn, but this shit is beautiful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he looked at me.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm like, it is beautiful. It kind of looked like heaven. And I was like, yeah, it do. And he went, if heaven was a real thing. And I got scared. Cause I don't want to be in the ocean with no atheist thinking that's crazy. You feel what I'm saying? You don't even believe in miracles, bitch. That's insane. Like, I'm dying. And I'm like, oh, God, help me. Nobody's coming to save you, nigga.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody finna save you. I down my time. Fuck, yeah. Cam Patterson, the new minute. 22. 2 seconds.

[Frank Awasika]

For real?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, with the durag, that. I like that, man.

[Red Band]

He cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was.

[Cam Patterson]

I probably got hepatitis or something. Now with this goddamn durag on my head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Worth it for that laugh. Worth it for that laugh, my friend. That was very surprising, especially since he thought Drake was going to steal from him. Took a matter of seconds for Cam Patterson, of all people.

[Cam Patterson]

Give me a do rag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. I don't think that's a. That's a don't rag. That's what that is.

[Cam Patterson]

This not safe, I'll tell you that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a brown spot on it. Yeah, that is something wild. That's like an old pilgrim thing or some. So wild. Did you really learn how to surf?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I Did?

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I went surfing in. In Malibu for the Cam and the White.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

That was dope. I got up on the board, I stood up, and that nigga really was. I think that nigga was trying to fuck me. That was pretty scary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. And you were able to stand up on the board, on the wave?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I'm like, athletic as fuck. I can really do almost anything. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How were you when you didn't have a surfboard to hold on to? What you mean like you're swimming out there?

[Cam Patterson]

Well, I drown four times, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on

[Cam Patterson]

the surfboard, nigga, I was five. You understand me? I was really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Red Band]

So it was your instructor that had the crush on you?

[Cam Patterson]

I'm pretty sure he was gay. Yeah. Most def.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Was he, like, holding you by your waist, helping you, like, get on the thing and stuff?

[Cam Patterson]

Nah, but he was saying, like, weird, like, you gonna. You look great in that wetsuit. When my ass was at. I was like, it's not. It's a bodysuit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Leave me alone, bro.

[Cam Patterson]

This is scary. That's terrifying, dog. How should I say to a.

[Red Band]

But it was a. It was a wetsuit. It wasn't just you, right?

[Cam Patterson]

I went there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a wetsuit, too. Yeah.

[Red Band]

Hell, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm confused now.

[Michael White]

They laughing.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm very confused. What just happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They laugh.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm like, wait a minute.

[Red Band]

What do you mean, brother?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you talking about?

[Red Band]

With regards to what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh? What else is going on in your world, Cam?

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, we just did them shows in Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Back home was epic. Massive, massive venues in Florida with a lot of your family?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, a lot of my family came up. My best friend came. My brother came.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is, I got to meet one of your real best friends from the streets. I mean, full on ankle bracelet, probation. I mean, straight up. Sometimes just taking off and running. When he saw the security people at the theater with us, were they with us?

[Cam Patterson]

All right, that's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but it was fun. Tell us about it. Anything else?

[Cam Patterson]

It was cool. No, I mean, that was it. We hung out a lot. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was his dad there? Of course. Did you talk about this spelling thing from a couple episodes ago? We didn't get a chance to. We were so busy. There was so much going on. He actually. His dad had soul food waiting for us in the green room. It was.

[Cam Patterson]

You missed that, man. We had a good dinner with my.

[Michael White]

My uncle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, stand how you guys ate more after that. There was.

[Cam Patterson]

We had A whole dinner. That was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're waiting on you.

[Cam Patterson]

They want to start eating until you got there. And I was like, man, I told

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

them to eat without me there. They UFC was starting. I couldn't. I couldn't eat a second dinner in three hours with. Yeah, a bunch of black people.

[Red Band]

Bunch of surfers, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that. You know, those big surfing athletic types.

[Cam Patterson]

If y' all want to cancel, Tony, my family love that, man. Where the camera. They love my. They love Tony.

[Red Band]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. I did feel bad missing the thing, but two Kel. Tony fans were fighting in main events in the UFC this past weekend.

[Red Band]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unfortunately, did not turn out so well. Thank you, Cam. You're the man. Rock and roll. Fuck yeah, Cam Powders. All right, you guys having fun out there? How many of you like it when people do good on this show? How many of you like it when people do bad on this show? Wild, Rude, Ruthless. Make some noise for your next comedian. Out of the bucket. Justin Landers, everybody. Justin Landers.

[Justin Landers]

How's everybody doing tonight? You know, my wife, she makes and sells a lot of miniatures. So we got boxes of these things around the house. And the other day I was off diggin in one and I found this little bitty Lone Ranger mask. And immediately I thought, we're taking this in the bedroom, we're gonna do some role playing. And at first I thought I'd just strap it on my dick and call him the Armless Bandit. You know, he just runs around stealing the pussy. But instead I put it on my wife's vagina. And I'll be damned if that thing didn't look like the Hamburglar. So I shoved a French fry in it. And now she won't role play anymore. Now when I told my wife that joke, she goes, you better not tell that shit on stage. And I go, why not? She goes, cause I don't want a bunch of people thinking my pussy looks like a hamburger. I thought, well, they all kind of look like hamburgers. Some of them are double meat with lip lettuce. I tell you what, I'll take mine with no pickles. She goes, I'll tell you what, you can take your no pickles and go fuck yourself. My name is Justin Landers. Thank you all for playing along.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Justin Landers with a minute. Fuck yeah. Hello, Justin. How long you been doing stand up?

[Justin Landers]

A year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A year? Where at what trailer park exactly are you doing?

[Justin Landers]

Washington State's where I started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Washington State. Out there in the fucking real country. The Greenlands. Euphrate Euphrate.

[Justin Landers]

No, we were from Centralia is where from I came.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Centralia. Fuck, yeah. How big were the audiences that you were?

[Red Band]

It's the Wooster of the North.

[Justin Landers]

Yeah, they were probably 30, 40 people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30 or 40 people. I love it. And was that the type of material you were doing, talking about the miniatures and whatnot? Yeah. What is exactly like a miniature? Like collective item?

[Justin Landers]

No, like miniatures. Like dollhouse.

[Chen]

She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Talk right into the.

[Justin Landers]

She makes, like, dollhouse furniture. Food for dollhouses. So we just got these boxes of miniatures.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. You're still up there in the country of Washington?

[Justin Landers]

No, we live in Bastrop now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What are you doing for work?

[Justin Landers]

I'm a welder fabricator.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Hell yeah.

[Red Band]

That's it with miniatures or bigger houses. Because if they're small, you got to go bigger. That's. Just let your wife know that that's where the money is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe that's just soldering when it's that small. So you're out there welding. What else about you? What do you do for fun?

[Justin Landers]

Well, anymore, I haul my son around rodeos. He rides bulls. And I did that for about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old's your son?

[Justin Landers]

Sixteen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sixteen. And you. And how long did you ride bulls for?

[Justin Landers]

I rode bulls for about 15 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Not anything crazy.

[Red Band]

Big ones or little?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big ones. Some miniature bulls.

[Justin Landers]

Yeah, they've got them.

[Red Band]

You gotta stay on eight minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Then you just fall off out of boredom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. We're going to the. No deal. All right. All right. So what are your goals with stand up comedy? What do you think's going on here? What do you see yourself doing?

[Justin Landers]

Well, I started because I was 46. My son, he's 16. He's got a couple more years of school, and I was wondering what the hell I was gonna do with myself. So I wrote a few jokes and started hitting some open mics. And it worked out a little bit. Got started opening a few shows and got about eight minutes worth of material. That's pretty solid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Justin Landers]

That's about where I'm at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. How's the crystal meth blab going? Have you ever tried. What's the most hillbilly thing about you? Because I know what people from eastern Washington are like. We have some friends, the great and powerful Davey Wester, who has cerebral palsy and always has a big lip of tobacco. And it's leaking out of his. How are you? Dur da da da da. He's one of the paid regulars at the Comedy Store. And I could see A little bit of him in you. I see that maybe it was a grandfather or someone really close in your genealogy. A family member. It's very. That's what they do there. Tell the people that I'm not making this up. That is what it's like. It's basically, as you could tell, Billy Bomb Thornton here looks like one of the half a devil's reject. There you go. Look like the Purgatory reject or something like that. Damn. All right, so what's something white trash

[Justin Landers]

about you so white trash about me? Well, I've lived in trailer parks. I sound like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's one of the big ones for sure. Yeah.

[Justin Landers]

And I've been pouring broke most my life, so there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. I love it. How do you. What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up or not since your rodeo days are behind you.

[Justin Landers]

Oh. Anymore. I just hang out with my wife and my kids mostly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been with your wife? Life?

[Justin Landers]

17 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What is it? How do you. How do you stay erect while her. After 17 years, is there something you imagine. Is there something about her that drives you crazy? I'm interested.

[Justin Landers]

It still works for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's all good. Yeah, she works for you.

[Red Band]

So the role play, that was just something you were trying? Yeah, that wasn't.

[Justin Landers]

Well, I've seen the mask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Justin Landers]

Do something right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ever put your. Are you ever so sick of your wife that you use the welder's mask when you're her?

[Justin Landers]

No, but I put on a pair of shafts before, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, hey, that's a. That's a normal Wednesday night for me, you know what I mean? All right.

[Red Band]

Dude, you might get some more noises out of her if you brought a blowtorch into the bedroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God.

[Red Band]

Yeah, it's a big Washington angle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, here she is right now. His lovely wife. There she is.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank you.

[Red Band]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Justin. Well, hell, yeah, we have another one, right? I feel like there's something more, though. I feel like there's something I'm missing about you here. You ever almost die or save anybody's life or anything like that?

[Justin Landers]

Yeah, I've almost died several times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Let's hear about some of those. That's what I'm kind of wanting to.

[Justin Landers]

They were all bull riding stuff. I got jerked down so hard one time when bull hit me on the end. The chin, the back of my head in the middle of my back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hard as a rock.

[Sam Castillo]

Right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to slow down. You almost made me come in My pants just then. I'm sorry. Because on this show, I'm gay, everybody.

[Red Band]

You remind me of me. If I did something really bad once. You look like I could have gone that angle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, a hundred percent. That was you trying crystal meth one time.

[Red Band]

Parks and Rack or Method?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Parks and Rec or Parks and meth? Parks and meth.

[Red Band]

Meth in a park.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever do a crazy drug? You seem like you maybe have skipped the hard stuff and just gone straight to sniffing. Like a normally legal substance, like a.

[Justin Landers]

I've tried a little bit of everything, but anymore I narrow it down to, you know, hallucinogens and weed like everybody else.

[Red Band]

But yeah, I got a lot of fans out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like it.

[Red Band]

So is glue involved with miniatures? Miniatures? No glue. No Elmers or just Elmer a neighbor.

[Justin Landers]

Just testers model glue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. Rubber cement.

[Justin Landers]

Not for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keyboard cleaner. Computer keyboard cleaner.

[Justin Landers]

These are all really white trash drugs you're throwing at me, huh?

[Bill Rhodes]

God damn.

[Red Band]

I don't know what led us to even go that down that road.

[Cam Patterson]

Fentanyl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever do any fentanyl?

[Michael White]

No. Fentanyl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever drink water? Seem like you're like strictly Mountain Dew or something like that? Is the energy that I'm like, you have.

[Red Band]

Is the boy winning? Does he. Does he do good out there?

[Michael White]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Do you take a piece of it? A piece of the money? If he's making money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Piece of the belt buckle?

[Justin Landers]

Yeah, I got one of his buckles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow, look at that. There was. That was the moment where I came in my pants, everybody. All right, Justin. Fun times. Here's a little joke book. Thank you. Justin Landers, everybody.

[Red Band]

You gave him the miniature?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's getting miniature. Kirk said a miniature joke book. All right, this looks like a new name. Let's see what happens here. Makes it nice for Frank. A wife. Frank Awasaka or Awasika. Yeah.

[Frank Awasika]

So when I was younger, I used to have a lot of trouble talking to pretty girls, to my uncle. He told me they're just living, breathing, shitting human beings, just like you. But now every time I talk to a woman, I picture them taking a shit. Why do y' all eat so much

[Red Band]

corn

[Frank Awasika]

if you couldn't tell by that last joke, I am a virgin.

[Hans Kim]

Yep.

[Frank Awasika]

Vaginas have a long history of ducking me. I was a C section. Yeah, I joke about it now, but I'll tell you what, that one hurts me the most. I was trying to get into that pussy for like nine months, All that, and the doctor just cockbacked me, bro. He Pulled me out of there and he was like. I was like, man, what the heck? And he was like, man, I had to get you out of there. Your head is huge. And she's been pushing for like 72 hours. And there's corn all the way over my operating table.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Frank Awasika, by far, one of the funniest floating pink hats we've ever had on the show before. Absolutely incredible. I've never seen a pink hat do an entire 60 second set like that before. That was amazing. Frank, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Frank Awasika]

Few years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Frank Awasika]

We're at mostly here in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here in Austin. Is this where you're born and raised?

[Frank Awasika]

No, I was born and raised in Houston, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Houston, Texas? Hell yeah. A lot of fans of Houston here. Are you really a virgin?

[Frank Awasika]

Yes and no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us an. Can you give us an explanation on exactly what you mean?

[Frank Awasika]

Okay. At the time of riding the joke, whenever people ask me that question, I kind of sideways it, right? Because the. The term virgin is a social construct, I guess you could say. So when.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whenever they.

[Cam Patterson]

Whenever you.

[Frank Awasika]

Whenever you guys ask me about it, I'm talking. You're talking about like, oh, has he been in some punani? But whenever I say I'm a virgin, I'm talking about alcohol. Like, I don't drink alcohol.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what?

[Frank Awasika]

I'm a virgin. To alcohol. At least when I wrote that joke. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what.

[William Montgomery]

What the fuck just happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's crazy. You. You admitted to a totally different thing that had nothing to do with the C section. So have you been inside of a woman or a man or anything before? Are you a virgin?

[Frank Awasika]

These are real personal questions you're asking me, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. I don't know what show you thought you signed up for, but you're in it.

[Red Band]

It's not all corn and games.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. This is the real deal. I mean, you mentioned it. You talked about it during your set, so I'm just going back to try to figure out. Yeah. Yeah, Tony, what else we could talk about.

[Anthony Papali]

I've.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've. Yeah, I've.

[Frank Awasika]

I've been in some pussy. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. How old are you?

[Frank Awasika]

I'm 26.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

26 years old. What do you do for work?

[Red Band]

I fuck pussy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there's many twists and turns.

[Frank Awasika]

I've recently had a change of occupations, and right now my main source of income is poker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Poker? Yeah. Okay.

[Frank Awasika]

But it's also my main source of debt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what are we talking about? How much do you spend or how many hours do you Spend playing poker.

[Frank Awasika]

Too much. Too much. Maybe like seven, eight hours. Hours a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A day. So you're online most of the time, right? So. Wow.

[Red Band]

That's your even talking to him? He doesn't want to tell you what he has.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Awasika]

I don't like to give out personal information.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're keeping your cards very close to your chest.

[Red Band]

That's good for comedy. You're gonna go places.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Hold it all in and make up shit.

[Red Band]

Make them guess. Make up him. Figure out my joke on the river.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. So tell us more about you. What can you talk about? Frank Awasa. What do you do for fun? Tell us more about Frank.

[Frank Awasika]

I like to play. What do I like to do for fun? Hold on.

[Red Band]

Huh?

[Frank Awasika]

Last time you asked me this question, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you were. You've been on this show before. Oh, you have a big joke book.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do I not remember you? What's. What's under the pink hat?

[Red Band]

He won that in a poker game.

[Frank Awasika]

I like to play basketball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What?

[Frank Awasika]

I like to play basketball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you look at your. You wrote it down to remember that.

[Red Band]

Wait, let me see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What.

[Red Band]

I like to play fucking basketball. I am a basketball player. My friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Frank, you're an interesting character.

[Frank Awasika]

Yeah, I try to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what? I asked you what you do, but I feel like we got off track. You switched occupations. What is it now?

[Frank Awasika]

Poker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what was it then? You said you switched occupations?

[Frank Awasika]

Well, I didn't switch. I got into. At my last job, I got into a bit of an altercation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, tell us about that.

[Frank Awasika]

Okay, so, all right, so it's a. Not that serious. It's a wee bit of a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just tell us the story, we'll decide if it's serious and everything else.

[Cam Patterson]

What happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where were you at? What kind of job was this?

[Frank Awasika]

I'm waiting these tables right in a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

waiter at a restaurant.

[Frank Awasika]

A middle aged woman comes in. She has short hair, a business suit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Karen, Karen.

[Frank Awasika]

You can say that she looks kind of like Jamie Lee Curtis, but imagine she always had a rock in her shoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Frank Awasika]

She comes in and she. Everything's all right, right? She's wearing a suit. I'm like, all right, you can have a seat. And everything's normal. It's business casual and she orders a lobster. And great choice, because the tip on that is like $8 at the time. So, you know, I'm already liking her. The tip on that is like $8. And then, okay, long story short, I get her the food.

[Red Band]

Never thought I'd miss miniatures. Fuck.

[Frank Awasika]

Long story. Okay, so we get her the food, right? And not even 10 minutes goes by

[Red Band]

and, oh, it's gone by.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's

[Frank Awasika]

not even. Ten minutes goes by, and then she's like, excuse me, that right. I have to go. She was like, I'd like to check. And I was like, oh, I hope everything's okay. She's like, yeah, no, I just have to get out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn it. Yeah, keep going.

[Frank Awasika]

So she's like, yeah, no, no, I just have to get out of here. And I was like, okay, well, I can get you a doggy bag. She's like, no, no, no, it's okay. I'm not gonna finish it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You call it a doggy bag or a to go box?

[Frank Awasika]

Doggy bag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah. All right, you're going down. Treacherous territories here. Go ahead.

[Frank Awasika]

And she goes, no, no, no, it's okay. I would just like to check. So I slapped her across the face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Frank Awasika]

I said, you got to get your shit together, Sharon. You can't be wasting all this food. There's starving kids in Africa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're, like, joking right now?

[Frank Awasika]

Yeah, I'm joking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what really happened?

[Frank Awasika]

I didn't work. I was not a waiter. I, I, I worked at a. Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all right. There he goes. Frank Awasa, everybody. Not his best night. Hell yeah. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. It happens to everybody. Frank Awasika, everybody. There he goes. Absolutely. There goes Frank, everyone. Yikes. Maybe it's low blood sugar. These people tend to get diabetes and whatnot, so it could be anything. Let's not judge a book by its.

[Red Band]

I feel I just got diabetes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something could be. It could be a medical event or something like that. That's all.

[Red Band]

Can you imagine playing poker with him? But everyone would just fold so easy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you're in the interview part of this show, all you have to do is, like, answer the questions honestly and you can end up looking good. But yikes. Whatever that was. All right, make some miss for your next bucket poll. You guys said you like it when people do bad, so I don't feel bad for you guys at all. Your next bucket poll. Anything can happen. This looks like a new name. One word name. We love those. Make some noise for Chen, everybody. Let's see what happens with Chen, the Kil Tony debut. I do believe of Chen. It is indeed Chen, everybody. Come on, make some noise for Chen, everyone.

[Chen]

Hello. Hello. So Christmas is upon us. It's a season for gifts and, well, Jesus, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Chen]

And so then you have to think about the different kind of gifts that we get. And, well, the one gift that always irked me was something like the gift of. Of life. Because the person who mentions it usually follows it up with, like, what you owe them. Like, you know, when you go to church, they talk about the gift of life. When you go visit your mom, she's like, I gave you the gift of life, so you owe me. But the thing with these kind of gifts is, like, I didn't ask for it, I'm just giving it. And by the time I'm already here, it's already too late. So I don't know. So gifts are these kind of things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Chen, everybody. Absolutely. All right, let's talk about it. Chen. Fuck yeah. I love it. You are a. Are you an Asian woman? What's going on here exactly? I don't know. Exactly. I don't know what they are right now. Oh, man. What's going on, Chad? I'm just kidding. How are you? You okay? Is this your first time doing standup?

[Chen]

No, I actually. Okay, well, actually. Well, first time doing stand up, but this is not my first mic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Chen]

Yes. And about the previous question, I'm actually trans, but.

[Michael White]

But.

[Chen]

But the thing is, I'm not like one of those that force people to call me, like, pronouns, because I think that's just wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which direction are you going in trance? I don't even know where you started and where you're going. I don't know if that's a rude question, quite honestly. This is kill Tony, and I can say whatever I want, so I have no regrets here, but I'm really. You're. You're. You're. I really have no. It could go either way, Right?

[Red Band]

The pronoun now, it would be a crapshoot. Right.

[Chen]

I'm actually going from male to female.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Male to female. Beautiful. Beautiful. I love it. It's stunning. No, it's great. No, you're very pretty. It's amazing.

[Red Band]

Well, you're on the right track.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band is two shots of tequila away from the out.

[Chen]

I mean. I mean, the beer goggles are really helping around the scene, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So, Chen, that's great. This is all good to find out. I love it. So when did you realize that you were a woman or feel like you were a woman? When did that start? How old are you right now?

[Chen]

I'm 32, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

32. So when does it start for you?

[Chen]

When I was. Well, when I was young. I. Well, it's not so. Okay, okay, okay. This is one of those really weird ones, because when you look at people who became trans, a lot of times it's people who strongly want to be a woman when they first started out. But I'm not like that. It's more like, first of all, like, I'm okay with being a boy, but don't want to be a man, and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're okay with being a boy, but you don't want to be a man?

[Chen]

Yes.

[Red Band]

Are you sure you're on the right track?

[Chen]

Well, and also, I don't have the desire to dominate things either. In fact, I'm actually submissive, but that's another topic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, red band. Look how excited Red band is submissive.

[Chen]

And. Well, and I also like cute and soft things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like what?

[Chen]

I like cute and soft things, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

I'm right here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. And I think we're all about as soft as it gets right now.

[Red Band]

And personally, you're close enough.

[Chen]

Well, thank you. That means a lot to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's. What are we out here? You thinking about turning your egg roll into a rice bowl? What's going on here? What are we talking about? Let's get into the. Look.

[Chen]

Look, the first time I came to kill Tony was when I was September 4th, actually, this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of this year.

[Chen]

Of this year?

[Sam Castillo]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were on the show.

[Chen]

No, I was in the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I was gonna say your transition's going really well, because I do not remember you at all September 4th. You were in the audience.

[Chen]

Yes. And it captivated me. And I'm here for the violence, so don't go easy on me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. I was told this before by a former opener in Dallas.

[Red Band]

Passive. Watch it hard.

[Chen]

And I'm also submissive, and I like paying, so, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, back to submissive. You're really pushing this. You're basically using the. Shadow is a dating app right now. I love it. So you started your set with hello, hello. Is that a trademark, do you think, moving forward?

[Chen]

Well, for both sexes, not yet, but if it is something that I'm subconsciously doing, I might as well make it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, now, you're wearing a Dungeons and Dragons hoodie, so let's just jump right into that. Are you a pro player?

[Chen]

Actually, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Someone's very upset about that. They had very high expectations for your Dungeons and Dragons.

[Chen]

However, I do play Dungeons and Dragons online, and I also played.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You also play a little Dungeons and Faggons. You know what I'm saying?

[Chen]

I can promise you Dungeons, but not so much Dragons.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. I bet there is indeed the old brown dungeon over there. Very submissive.

[Red Band]

I'd love to see your action, avatar.

[Frank Awasika]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you, a cleric or.

[Bill Rhodes]

What are you?

[Chen]

Oh, I'm actually. I'm actually a druid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh. About it. So, yeah, you're. You got quirky spells.

[Chen]

I like nature things, but I mix in fire and holy at the same time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I mean, I have no idea what you. The. You're talking about. It's unbelievable. It's very interesting. Do you also play Magic the Gathering?

[Chen]

Actually, that one I do play, yes.

[Michael White]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are shocked. Wow. I do believe the crowd goes wild in absolute shock and horror. Nobody saw it coming. You do actually, Tony. I do. I love the dramatic pause there. Wow. Tell us more. Rattle off some more nerd things about you. It's very interesting.

[Chen]

Well, I play World of Warcraft with my friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Hit it again, Hit it again. Hit it again. All right, tell us. Tell us something else.

[Chen]

Well, hard mode, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you play in expert mode?

[Chen]

Expert mode?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you play most games in expert mode?

[Chen]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, actually, I am surprised at

[Chen]

that one because I'm actually more American than Asian. So if you have expectations of me carrying the whole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of American are you? Native American. I'm not exactly sure. All right.

[Chen]

Believe it or not, I'm actually born from Wuhan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Chen]

Which is unfortunate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And I think you're gonna end up in a laboratory.

[Red Band]

I saw that. I saw that. I could tell. I spent a month there.

[Chen]

There's. There's many things to talk about, but.

[Red Band]

Oh, we have time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, we do. You're gonna. You're gonna have a extra long interview here. No doubt about it. Very compelling story. So tell us more about this transitioning adventure. What are some things you do to be more. If you're becoming more ladylike or some goals for you or whatever. Are you basically just saying anyone can you. At any time in your.

[Chen]

Well, I am bi, so, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But how often have you. How often do you hook up with women? And when you do, do you consider that like a lesbian relationship? Do you have them, like, eat out where your balls are? I don't know. These are my questions. Welcome to Texas. This is figuring out trans in Texas. So Tony Trans Texas. Tony Triple T. So actually, I only

[Chen]

been with one woman before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before one women. I like how you use plural there. I don't believe you. I've only been with one women. Did it identify as multiple women?

[Chen]

No, she was an exchange student.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really are goddamn American. Look at that pounding out an exchange student.

[Chen]

She got her citizenship, and I guess I wasn't as successful as she wanted, so it didn't work out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. So you put your wiener and her. Her pee pee hole.

[Chen]

No, she's a girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, but I'm saying you put your penis in her vagina.

[Chen]

Used to. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Red Band]

I've already forgotten what direction you're going in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Red Band]

Which way's the transition?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You used to, but now you don't. Why don't you? You can't.

[Chen]

I don't think having sex with your wife's ex wife's vagina is part of the alimony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So was your wife.

[Chen]

She was my wife at one point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great. We're like. We're figuring out a riddle while doing an interview at the same time. Well, Tony, the reason why I don't put the penis in the vagina is because it's my ex wife. Oh, look who's back. Famous homophobe D Madness. Ladies, just in time for your worst nightmare. Dee, we've been missing you. We've been missing your scoffs and earplugs for minutes over here. You're gonna love this. This one D. I'm excited. Let's just say we got a she madness trying to turn into a he madness or some shit like that the

[Chen]

other way, but yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you practiced your woman voice yet?

[Chen]

I actually looked into it today, but let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear. How many of you want to hear a little bit of. All right, here she is. Chen, everybody. Oh, so hard to be woman. Oh, oh. I'm more American, and I am Asian. I was doing laundry the other day, and I'm like, oh, this so much fun. Cause I'm a lady. I love being lady. I'm gonna cook spaghetti better than the other guy. I sell lo mein noodle out of my pants. All right, I'm sorry. We'll edit that out. Don't cancel me.

[Chen]

No, no, no, no, no. It's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry. I'm sorry.

[Chen]

And look, look, I actually haven't been practicing a woman voice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, let's hear it, though. Let's hear what you think. Come on. Let's just try a little bit. I can't do it.

[Chen]

It doesn't work. Because it only works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was born of the dog. I am a woman ladylike. I'm a druid.

[Chen]

No, Tony, I'm trying. Tony, my women voice voice only right now. My women voice only comes out when I have sex, so. Oh, So I can't really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael, shove your Helmet up his ass. Real quick. Guess what I came back for. D. Madness is officially freaking out. That's if you're wondering. He doesn't have a mic on, so I'll keep you guys posted.

[Red Band]

You might still be, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Chen]

It's true, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so, Chen, so your lady voice only happens when you're having sex?

[Chen]

Yes, unfortunately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, but what else. What else is happening? What are some things you do? Are you, like. Do you, like, overly. You, like, get dressed up as a woman? You have, like, dresses and stuff?

[Chen]

Not publicly, because I don't want to make people uncomfortable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't make people uncomfortable.

[Chen]

Like, I'm like a really. I'm like a really considerate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're really pretty. Let me ask you this. Hold on a second, because you just said something really interesting. You just said you're a considerate trans.

[Chen]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So are you saying that other trans people are inconsiderate for being so blatant and overly annoying about their stance on everything? You think that they're being inconsiderate? You with your powerful voice in the absolute field?

[Chen]

Well, the. The way I see it is that until I become passable, I'm not going to push myself on people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Frank Awasika]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And why do you think so many other unpassable people People try. Hey, I'm here. This is the. The interview. Idiot meets trans person. Live well. Egg roll into a rice ball.

[Michael White]

No,

[Chen]

it's something like this. It's actually really hard to be a guy, if you think about it, because

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've been saying that my whole life. I've been really struggling with it.

[Red Band]

Yeah, go on. Yeah, now you're talking.

[Chen]

Because. So I know it was hard to be a guy, but I didn't have the words for it until I saw this channel called Ho Math on YouTube. It's actually pretty good.

[Red Band]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's more.

[Red Band]

Go on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Homath.

[Chen]

Homath. Yes. It's good stuff. And he mentioned that. So for when. And this is almost too simple, but for guys, guys value looks, value, like personality, and then maybe share some hobbies.

[Anthony Papali]

Right.

[Chen]

But for women, when they look at guys, your ability to provide goes on the nice value, but your ability to be mean but also be dominating goes on the bad boy scale. So for a man to be desirable, they both have to have the ability to provide, but they also have to have the ability to dominate and also make her feel, I guess, wanted. I guess.

[Red Band]

Yeah. And I was thinking the same thing. That's really fucking. You're right on.

[Chen]

And it's one of those things where once you become trans, where you look at the world from both the men's perspective and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. I almost said dude, but I stopped myself. I got so ADHD during your explanation of that that I literally started thinking about the song ADHD from the guy that makes spaghetti out of his, what he called industrial size apartment, which I'm pretty sure is a fucking janitor's closet. Okay, I love it. Any other fun facts about Chen that we should know?

[Chen]

Well, well, there are actually plenty. My. So when I was in the audience, like, everyone here, I made a promise that I wanted to be good on stage because I saw the basis here. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Chen]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Cam Patterson]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. What is about to happen right now?

[Chen]

Because look, look, comedy is the antitoxin to social media, if you really think about it. Because if you look at social media, people are, like, having fantastic lives all the time, right? But in comedy, people bomb a lot of times. So you realize that life is not as good as social media, but it's also not as bad as, you know,

[Red Band]

stand up comedy, transitioning, complicated.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it really is. It really is.

[Chen]

But.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Chen, a very, very interesting interview. I'm gonna give you a big joke book because I like the interview. Fun stuff. Here you go. Ooh, Catches like a man. There goes Chen, everybody. You're gonna get a gel blaster as well. Absolutely. She bows. I don't know if you guys noticed, there's a little Asians left in her. All right, we're going back to the bucket Makes noise for Sam Castillo, everybody. Sam Castillo.

[Sam Castillo]

Just got out of a long relationship. It's hard to move on, you know, it's hard to forget her because she's from India, so all my clothes still smell like her food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Sam Castillo]

it's a very loving home, but, you know, it's rough. I remember when I met her family,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

everyone in her family.

[Sam Castillo]

Arranged marriages. And they told us, if you guys get married, you're gonna be the first ever love marriage in our family. I said, same for mine. Now I'm dating again. I'm a recovering drug addict. Dating sober's difficult. Sex is sober is difficult. Cause you actually have to, like, be there, you know, you can't just phone it in drunk. Like, it took me two and a half hours to come the other night, and this girl was like, oh, my God, you have so much stamina. I was like, no, I just don't love you. It's difficult. The school was like, I get addiction. I'm addicted to spin class. And I was like, I've never stolen from my family to ride a bike that goes nowhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that. All right. Thank you, guys. Give it up for Sam Castillo. Hi. Hey.

[Michael White]

Welcome to the show.

[Sam Castillo]

Where is everybody?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sam, how long you been doing comedy for?

[Sam Castillo]

About five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years here in Austin, Texas?

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah, I started here.

[William Montgomery]

Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was your first car?

[Sam Castillo]

My first car, it was a GMC truck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Did you get a hand me down or did you, like, save up for it or.

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah, it was a. It was a hand me down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kurt, what do you think about this guy?

[Red Band]

You know, it's interesting. So Indian food. Indian food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yikes. You suck, dude. No, I'm kidding. I didn't see anything. How did it go? Do it again. 1, 2, 3, 4. No. Okay. Holy shit. What the. Are you. Dude, what did I miss? How do you think it went if you had to update me? I got two iv. A double bag of IV drip today from our good friends over at Connect Mobile Health. Went for the double bag and it turns out you get one of those and drink. And drink water. Sometimes you're just. I had to make a choice. Either I pee or I pee my pants. I have a feeling I would not have peed my pants. By the sound of the audience during your set, though.

[Red Band]

So you're recovering from. What's your drug? What was your drug?

[Sam Castillo]

Oh, one of my drugs of choice.

[Red Band]

Well, you said you're.

[Sam Castillo]

I was a cuff addict.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

What was it?

[Sam Castillo]

Pills. I was addicted to everything pill wise. Mainly benzos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They had pills on the shire? Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Castillo]

I was addicted to Xanax, was the main one. I was also a coke addict. I was also an alcoholic.

[Red Band]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's my wildest night?

[Sam Castillo]

Wildest one? I just got a public intoxication two days after getting a minor in possession. It was like my first week here. That was when I was at the minor possession.

[Red Band]

You were with a young girl?

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A miniature, as we call them. Yeah.

[Red Band]

Are you transitioning?

[Sam Castillo]

I just got done.

[Red Band]

Your hair is transitioning for sure.

[Hans Kim]

Hell, yeah.

[Sam Castillo]

Was the last comic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Went from a Bilbo to a Frodo. All right. I love it. What do you do for work?

[Sam Castillo]

I'm a line cook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been doing stand up?

[Sam Castillo]

About like five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years. All of it in Austin? Yeah. Okay. How's it going for you?

[Sam Castillo]

It's going pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was your best joke tonight? Do it again.

[Sam Castillo]

Best joke tonight was when you're sober, you Actually have to have sober sex with somebody. It's difficult to like. You have to be there. You can't just fake it drunk. The other day, I had sex. It took me two hours to come, and this girl was like, wow, you have a lot of stamina. I just told her, no, I just don't love you.

[Red Band]

I liked it better the first time.

[Sam Castillo]

Well, I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did it get a laugh the first time?

[Sam Castillo]

Okay, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Thanks for being there for me. How old are you?

[Sam Castillo]

I just turned 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun?

[Sam Castillo]

I just started boxing. It's a lot of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, put the mic in the mic stand. Let's get a spotlight, and let's. And let's see a little bit about boxing. You got some boxing for me, Matt Muelling. All right, look out that way. Don't look at me. In box. All right, here he goes. He's boxing. Oh, wow. Absolutely terrible. Horrific. You have to get your right hand up. You have to.

[Red Band]

You're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They don't. You don't remember them telling you that? Whoa. You almost hit yourself there. Oh, you're beating them the out of yourself. Whoa. Oh, my God. Oh. You're literally the worst boxer I've ever seen. I mean, it's literally.

[Sam Castillo]

I'm like, three weeks.

[Red Band]

Have you started or.

[Sam Castillo]

I'm like, three weeks into it.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At a gym. At a boxing gym. You go to a boxing gym for the last three weeks, and that's where you're at with.

[Sam Castillo]

I'm like, boxing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

1.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the fundamentally. It's fundamentally the weakest boxing I've ever seen.

[Sam Castillo]

I know.

[Red Band]

I've never seen. And you're paying for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get your hands up.

[Red Band]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

That looks like a free lesson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any idea how many times you would have gotten hit in the face by anybody with using that form in any. Not only boxing, but even any fight whatsoever?

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah, it would have been fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I know a guy that makes spaghetti would have beat the shit out of you, dude. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Biggest fun fact about your life that we would find interesting. Your entire life? 30 years.

[Sam Castillo]

I'm an identical twin.

[Red Band]

Oh, is he a drug addict also?

[Sam Castillo]

No, no. He's a naval officer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you think you guys ended up so different?

[Sam Castillo]

Just our parents had really pushed us in different life paths, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us an example of what you mean by that.

[Sam Castillo]

My dad's just, like. He had to, like, go to court order, anger management therapy. He was just a Real crazy guy. I was like, his therapist. He just kind of like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you get angry now, too, sometimes? No. 30 years old, you have a. You think you have a little spark of that in your.

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah, I work on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's the last time? Last time you got really angry? Can you tell us about that?

[Red Band]

Did you hit someone?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I'm gonna show you.

[Red Band]

Nay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any idea how low. Much lower I can. Can keep my hands? Come on. You fight like the Notre Dame logo. Come on, Sucker and succotash. Do you want a piece of this, huh? Well, blow me the. All right, what the fuck was my last question?

[Sam Castillo]

Oh, last time I got really angry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, come on, tell us about it.

[Sam Castillo]

Just, I had, like, a bit of road rage. I have a bit of road rage problem.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I mean, a specific time, a good angry time.

[Sam Castillo]

I like. I guess I fist fought my dad recently. Well, a couple week months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fist bumped, fist fought. Okay, let's talk about. Please. So how does it start? Take us. From the very beginning.

[Sam Castillo]

My dad was just like. Just give me a hard time about my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, what. What is he saying? Try to be specific. It doesn't have to be funny.

[Sam Castillo]

I'd gotten out of a relationship. He's like, you move. You got a roommate at 30. You're, you know, breaking even when you feature on the road. You're like kind of a. You're a loser. I'm like, yeah, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does your dad do?

[Sam Castillo]

He's a. What's it called? Not a suit. He's a superintendent for construction sites. So he, like, is a. He builds high rises, right? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay, so he's talking shit to you about being an artist. Are you making a little bit of money at all?

[Sam Castillo]

I'm paying about half my bills with comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know. Do you live with them? No. Right. You live on your own?

[Sam Castillo]

I got a roommate right now, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay, so he's boxing instructor.

[Red Band]

What's that? Is your roommate a boxing instructor?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. No.

[Red Band]

So he pays the rent. Does he try to fight?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so your dad is telling you that you're just breaking even, featuring on the road, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you say, what, you never chased your dreams, dad?

[Sam Castillo]

Well, he was a. He was a failed actor, so I told him. You're a failed fucking actor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, by the way, if you guys don't know, because I know there's some Texans here, maybe you don't know this, but if you're a failed actor, there is nothing worse in the world than being called A failed actor, like, it is like a. It's. It's an unbelievable thing. A failed actor is a rare, rare bird because they have to depend on other people to hire them for a specific thing.

[Red Band]

And a failed actor with a failed son, I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Red Band]

That's when it starts adding up. You just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you have to realize.

[Red Band]

You guys fought. I would have liked to have seen that fight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. We're getting to it. We're almost there. Okay, but let me just tell you. Let me just tell you, because I. I know this, but, like, failed actors have a thing where, like, they go. They go their whole lives so they'll see, you know, fucking movies with great actors and they go. They think to themselves, I could have done that. What kind of look does he have?

[Sam Castillo]

He's got, like, a jet black mustache. I'm half Mexican, so he's just got, like, full, hairy forearms and, like, it looks like El Chapo. He's very chubby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Very chubby. And he really tried to act for a while. He tried hard.

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah. He was like a stage actor. Like, was a thespian and whatnot. Went to college.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now he's a construction superintendent. You're chasing your dreams. Yeah, it's okay. So you called him a failed actor, and then he lunges at you.

[Sam Castillo]

He told me I was gonna die alone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that one. That's actually one of my favorite insults to use on my children that I hate. Yeah, I'm kidding. I don't have kids, but I would, if you were my kid, I would say that.

[Sam Castillo]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. He says, you're gonna die alone. And then what do you say to him?

[Sam Castillo]

I just was, smartass. I just go, I'm gonna fucking die with roommates.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, it's even worse. That's amazing. I like that. I love it. You just talk harder. You talk deeper. Shit about how sad I'm gonna die with fucking roommates and cold ramen noodles on my lap, bro. With a empty Pop Tart wrapper at my feet. Missing one sock for some reason. That's how I'm gonna die. All right, so then what happens? And so then he's like, put down your dukes.

[Sam Castillo]

And then my mom starts to, like, cry. And so we.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Sam Castillo]

So then we, like, get a few swings in. We stop up, and we stopped.

[Red Band]

But no one connected, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just. Just. Just body shots for sure. Even though your head fully exposed. I mean, absolutely incredible. So when was this fight?

[Sam Castillo]

It was a few months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So you're like this dad Got the best of me. I'm going to the boxing gym.

[Red Band]

I'll be ready. I'll be ready next time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You and your dad have a rocky relationship?

[Sam Castillo]

We're good now. Kind of the one that made me push into boxing was I fist fought my brother and he knocked over the Christmas tree, and so that's why I started boxing, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So you fought your brother?

[Sam Castillo]

I also fought my brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your twin brother?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. A battle of the Titan.

[Sam Castillo]

Really me up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. He went into the Navy and you went into the nothing. Right?

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Red Band]

Did he knock over the tree trying to hit you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he was pretty drunk.

[Sam Castillo]

He spun around and knocked over the tree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck. All right, Samwell, I honestly have no idea what happened during your set. I went pee for the first time in absolute years during somebody's set. But you're still getting a little joke book. There he goes. Sam Castillo, everybody. I don't think I can can do the double bag of the IV anymore. Before a show, get a little pee bag under the. I think we need a pee bag. Yoni, order peabags. Thy shall piss in thy throne from here on out. For I almost soiled my shorts on this day. All right, back to the show. And we're back. Hello, everybody. All right, Red band saying this should be be the last bucket pull of the night, but we started a little late. I don't know. Make some noise for 60 seconds uninterrupted from Bill Rhodes, everybody. Bill Rhodes,

[Chen]

Short as baby.

[Bill Rhodes]

We'll just take this up here. Good evening, everybody. I am Bill Rhodes, the foul mouth teacher. I am actually a teacher which is kind of up because as a college student, I was absolutely horrible. If you pull up my high school transcripts, you can see this young lady right here is not the only one with 34 C's in this room. Before I became a teacher, I worked in the prison system for a long time. I was a riot team commander, a captain. And I felt like I needed something more like dangerous, something more exciting in my life. So I started teaching middle school. The more I worked with inmates and students, I realized there's a lot of parallels, right? So constantly I heard just constantly bitching about, like, the cafeteria food, how horrible it was. They constantly. I was constantly telling them, walk on the right side of the hallway and to the only way to get fired is to fight one or one.

[Justin Landers]

Right?

[Bill Rhodes]

And even then, I feel like I'd just get shipped to another campus. Thank you. I'm Bill Rhodes. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bill Rhodes. Okay. Hi. Bill, how are you?

[Bill Rhodes]

Hey, Tony, how are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great. So you're really a middle school teacher?

[Bill Rhodes]

Unfortunately, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Are you one of, like those, like. What's that show? Like scared to Death or something like that? Like Scared straight Scared, get your together?

[Bill Rhodes]

Constantly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Bill Rhodes]

Constantly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I love it. Where are you doing this middle school teaching at?

[Bill Rhodes]

In a little big town called Huto, Texas. I'll probably get fired for saying that. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go Hippos. There you go.

[Bill Rhodes]

You know hippos, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are the hippos.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Bill Rhodes]

That's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How the did you. You know that that's where I live?

[Anthony Papali]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I literally. I live more in also. You live in the home of the hippos? Yeah. You have. You're a hippo that has a home in the home of the hippos.

[Bill Rhodes]

Don't tell anybody I was here, please.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, it's on the Internet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Okay. Bill Rhodes, how long have you been attempting standup comedy?

[Bill Rhodes]

About two and a half months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What made you want to start doing this?

[Bill Rhodes]

I have to entertain seventh graders constantly. So I figure if I could, like, I. I don't know, I feel like I could juggle on a unicycle, and sometimes kids don't get it. So I had. I had to, like, step up my game and do something better to get the attention of people, specifically kids.

[Red Band]

Could you juggle on a unicycle?

[Bill Rhodes]

God, no. I'm bad as I have no coordination whatsoever.

[Red Band]

Right. And can I say one thing, Tony, man, Parallel. It's one word. One word. Right. Are you an English teacher?

[Bill Rhodes]

I am a history teacher.

[Red Band]

Okay. I'm just letting you know, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me tell you where the history of the word parallel comes from. You said a para. A parallel.

[Bill Rhodes]

Correct.

[Red Band]

Incorrect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Say it again. Parallel. Parallel. Parallel. Parallel.

[Bill Rhodes]

I'm not a math teacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not. Wouldn't be math either. We're going down. We're going down a lonely road here. I'm not a gym teacher, Tony. I. I love it. Okay.

[Red Band]

Not an intelligent teacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Slightly smarter.

[William Montgomery]

Degrees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Bill Rhodes]

C's get degrees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

C's get degrees. Okay. Absolutely. Mediocrity all the way. I love it. Is that where you're from, Bill?

[Bill Rhodes]

I'm from Taylor. Thrall in that area.

[Anthony Papali]

Close to home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have like a motorcycle or something like that? Why do you look like.

[Bill Rhodes]

I kind of look like someone from Sans Sons of Anarchy butt fuck. Someone from Duck Dynasty in a Walmart bathroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Michael White]

But no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure.

[Red Band]

I feel like most of your students will end up in prison.

[Bill Rhodes]

And I would be the first person to send them money for ramen noodles. I love my kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on here, Bill. Let's slow it down. What is your secret diamond double life? Because there's definitely something going on. You have, like, a leather mask that you wear on weekends or something.

[Bill Rhodes]

Boring as I'm gonna be, I'm boring. I. I have three kids that I had custody of for most of my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happened?

[Bill Rhodes]

Recently. Recently remarried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's slow it down. You said that you have three kids who you had custody of most of your life. You still have custody of them?

[Red Band]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Bill Rhodes]

Mom had, like, the Internet and did other things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean? She left. And what did she do?

[Bill Rhodes]

Left me with three kids. I don't care.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. You didn't follow up at all?

[Bill Rhodes]

No. My kids are with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Do you know where she is?

[Bill Rhodes]

She is. I don't know. Wherever some guy on the Internet was from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. How do you know she left you for some guy on the Internet? She told you that? Kind of, right? Tell us more.

[Sam Castillo]

So

[Bill Rhodes]

I went. When I worked at a prison, I worked long nights all the time. And I came home, and one day, she just decided she didn't want to be there anymore, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did she leave a letter or something?

[Bill Rhodes]

No, she was there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She told you in person?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Bill Rhodes]

She was like, I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She said that?

[Bill Rhodes]

Yeah. For real?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you already a middle school teacher when she said that?

[Bill Rhodes]

I was a high school teacher at that time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you were watching once, the fat kid playing dodgeball, weren't you?

[Bill Rhodes]

I am still the fat kid playing dodgeball, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Okay. So how old are your kids?

[Bill Rhodes]

My youngest is 15. My boys are. It's my daughter. Fucking have one. That's it. And my boys are 19 and 20.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. 19 and 20. Are they built like accountant beefcakes as well?

[Bill Rhodes]

My younger son is. He looks like he didn't have a mom. Like, he fell right out of my ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Red Band]

He looks like he didn't have a mom, you said?

[Michael White]

Yeah.

[Bill Rhodes]

For real.

[Red Band]

He didn't.

[Bill Rhodes]

She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Red Band]

She left pretty quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you overcompensate for them not having a mom? Did you do some, like, Mrs. Doubtfire at all?

[Bill Rhodes]

I bought a Jeep Wrangler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bill Rhodes]

No, I. I used to take my daughter to get, like, pedicures, manicures, stuff like that. And just, you know, you're a good daddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stepped up. Look at that, he stepped up. That lady said.

[Red Band]

Was that ch. Is Chen sitting back out there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Chad. Yeah, well, I'd be concerned, cuz if Chad's doing his woman's voice, you know what that means? Oh, my goodness. It smells like a Wuhan lab leak back there. All right, Bill Rhodes. Wow. Interesting. So what's your love life like now? What are you. What are you into?

[Bill Rhodes]

I'm coming up on my fourth year of marriage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, congratulations. You found a second wife.

[Bill Rhodes]

I did. And my wife, she had never been married, no kids. So, like, my daughter finally has somebody to not hate in the house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting.

[Red Band]

You keep your new wife off the Internet.

[Bill Rhodes]

I actually wasn't big on the Internet until I met her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and then what. What did with that? What changed?

[Bill Rhodes]

I became a teacher.

[Justin Landers]

I don't know.

[Bill Rhodes]

I worked in the prison system for a long time. I just didn't have time. And when I became a teacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do in the prison system?

[Bill Rhodes]

I was a riot team commander. Like, I beat people up for a living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You catch a lot of guys butt raping other men?

[Bill Rhodes]

I actually didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you didn't.

[Bill Rhodes]

I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did, actually. Can you explain to the people what that's like? And so, so slowly, Red.

[Bill Rhodes]

When a daddy and a daddy love each other very much.

[Red Band]

No, that's parallel.

[Bill Rhodes]

Yeah, parallel, parallel.

[Justin Landers]

Ll.

[Bill Rhodes]

No, I mean, I walked into the barber shop and saw one guy, you know, doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What on.

[Red Band]

On doing his. Doing his hair?

[Bill Rhodes]

Yeah, he's getting his wang mouthied like they were earning barber credit. What was that?

[Hans Kim]

I don't know.

[Bill Rhodes]

They were earning barber credit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It. Okay, it's prison talk.

[Frank Awasika]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Red Band]

They call it barber credit, not blowjob credit.

[Bill Rhodes]

It was a blowjob. He was sucking his dick for haircuts.

[Red Band]

That's where the money is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great. Craziest thing you've seen happen as a middle school teacher while this thing that surprised you that you've seen these rabble rousing kids nowadays up to in the classroom.

[Bill Rhodes]

I had a kid for an entire year, fake that he had Tourette syndrome and he would, like yell shit out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's gonna be the fucking smartest kid you ever taught.

[Bill Rhodes]

And so I. I have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, that's genius.

[Bill Rhodes]

I have Tourette syndrome. Like, I used to have, like the little twitches and stuff. So, like, I fell in love with this kid. I'm like, oh, you know, I'm gonna.

[Sam Castillo]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not like that. Slow down. What are his tics?

[Bill Rhodes]

So his tics are like, boy, and sure has some big titties.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And These are people in the classroom.

[Bill Rhodes]

I have that tic in the classroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. He's a genius. Are you aware that he's a genius?

[Bill Rhodes]

I didn't. I didn't know until after spring when I called his. And she was like, what? Tourette syndrome.

[Red Band]

It works in a barber shop now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. This kid's gonna be the President of the United States one day. That's hilarious.

[Bill Rhodes]

Be the next old, white, rich, racist rapist in the White House.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. So he would just say things that he wanted to. He would just say things that he wanted to say. Say. Yeah.

[Bill Rhodes]

And he pretended like it was a medical game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And not only did he not get in trouble, but you're like, it's okay. You're all good, buddy. It's okay.

[Bill Rhodes]

I. I'm the dumbass that didn't call Mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Was he doing it? Did you end up talking with teachers about it, or were you too embarrassed? Were you the only one that felt. Fell for it?

[Bill Rhodes]

I was his advocate. I was like, I have tourism too, guys. You have to give him a chance. And he was like, let me suck on them titties.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's awesome.

[Cam Patterson]

Was that.

[Red Band]

You're the student saying that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm honestly jealous of this kid, that I didn't think of that. When I was in middle school, I

[Bill Rhodes]

tried to get him. I tried to get him moved to honors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is.

[Bill Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm serious. That's a sign of intelligence.

[Red Band]

How were the titties, though? Be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, okay, they were seventh grade.

[Bill Rhodes]

I'm not allowed to see, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, tell me after. You would be. You would be the most ruthless. If there was a video game of pedophiles, you would be the final boss. There's no doubt about it. It's like, oh, you got to deal with Mr. Rhodes, the Middle school teacher. Of you.

[Red Band]

15 years working in prison that he went to an elementary school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think you're going to get to my prison? Riot experience.

[Bill Rhodes]

Does it hurt when I touch you there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there you go. Look, he jumps right into it. The son of a. All right, Bill Rhodes. Fun times, my friend. You're chasing a wild dream. We're going to bleep the school system that you mentioned. Mentioned.

[Bill Rhodes]

That's all right now I'm trying to get fired. I need something else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, then we will. We will leave it in.

[Red Band]

Just be you, man. You're on track.

[Bill Rhodes]

Thanks, Mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Thank you, guys, everybody. All right, here you go. Take one of those. Oh, no, you dropped it. Now you gotta keep it here. Oh, here, give me that one back.

[Red Band]

It stink drop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just kidding. Here, Here you go. Bill Rhodes, everybody. There goes Bill Rhodes. Bill Rhodes.

[Anthony Papali]

There you go.

[Red Band]

Sorry, sorry. I got Tourette's, man. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Genius kid. That kid that made up the Tourette's is going to be here in 14 years. Killing at 21 years old. Mark my words. All right, make some noise. To your final bucket pull of the night. Tanner Tuttle, everybody. Tanner Tuttle. Very interesting name. Let's see what happens here. Tanner Tuttle.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Hey. So growing up I had druggie parents. I don't know if anyone else grew up with drug addicts or anything. It kind of gives it away though when they come to a comedy club because they don't clap like this. They clap like this, so it really, really sticks out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So.

[Tanner Tuttle]

But also, like, when I was born, I was a healthy sized baby. I was £8 15 and a half ounces, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Decent sized baby.

[Tanner Tuttle]

My parents still tried to fight the nurse and the doctor in that room. My mom's waving a shivering like that baby was supposed to be a full £9. Where the fuck's that other half ounce at? They're my drunkies.

[Hans Kim]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Red Band]

Yeah, Cool.

[Tanner Tuttle]

It's like I. I get it. Like it sounds bad, but it's like growing up, I always had a roof over my head. We had food on the table every night. We were super proper. When we would eat too. Like everything had to be in the right order. Okay. Your forks on the left, your knife and burnt spoons to the right. All right, that's my time. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Tanner Tuttle. Hi, Tanner.

[Red Band]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you from?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Las Vegas? Originally, Cedar City, Utah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, now you live in Vegas. How long have you lived in Vegas?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work there?

[Tanner Tuttle]

I work at a comedy club.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what do you do at the comedy club?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Manager. So just whatever they need me to do that day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you manage a comedy club, right? You look like the corpse of Kurt Cobain. That's incredible. Unbelievable.

[Tanner Tuttle]

It just looks like anyone's welcome there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I guess. So what do you do for fun living in Las Vegas when you're not working?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Oh, man, I like, you know, go to the gym and stuff like that. I enjoy bowling a lot, playing basketball, just like little activities.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Really? You do those things?

[Sam Castillo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet you're great at basketball, huh?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Master of none. I guess. Like.

[Frank Awasika]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. You have a good like two step finger roll layup.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Dude, I'm More of like a rebounder. Box out again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, if I asked you to box out right now, it would end up like the boxer said he could box earlier. Slow motion, very bad form.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Just like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was worse than that.

[Hans Kim]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even you had a very much higher. He had no idea that the face might be a good thing to protect in a fist fight. He's been boxing for three weeks. Anyway. Tanner Tuttle. What are you on Adderall?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Negative. I'm a little nervous and stuff. Just drinking tequila.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. No uppers whatsoever.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Negative, negative, negative.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wouldn't do it in a million fucking years. No chance at all.

[Tanner Tuttle]

I mean, you heard about my parents? Nah. I've watched them be druggies. I was like, nah, I ain't doing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. That makes sense.

[Red Band]

Not doing drugs. Booze is my thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Red Band]

That's your thought.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Booze and weed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Booze. Even if it's from the audience, it doesn't matter. How long you been doing stand up?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years? Yeah. Wow. And you love it?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, absolutely. And you don't want to say the club in Vegas that you're the manager of?

[Tanner Tuttle]

I enjoy it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would it. Would it. Would it hurt you or help you to say it?

[Tanner Tuttle]

That. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, let's skip it then. All right. Tell us something interesting about your life that we'd be surprised to know, other than your parents were drug addicts.

[Tanner Tuttle]

I did. I bought a house when I was 21.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you do that?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Dude, I have no idea. Honestly, I was in 2011. I just needed to buy a house. I was tired of paying rent, so I was like, yo, can I buy this house? And they were like, yeah, your credit score is good enough. So I bought a house on my own at 21.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the down payment?

[Tanner Tuttle]

None.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the monthly payment?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Oh, dude, 540, if that. A month. So this was 2011, the market crash. I paid 70 grand for the house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

House, wow.

[Red Band]

How old were you when you lost? Lost the house.

[Tanner Tuttle]

That's why I moved to Vegas. No, I actually just sold it this past summer, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How much did you sell it for?

[Tanner Tuttle]

Like, 180, 190. Because it was to my friend. So I, like, was like, you're helping me out. Help me. Like, let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Do a little deal and stuff. So I ended up profiting, like, I think, like, 35, 40K or something like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable.

[Tanner Tuttle]

So like, now it's like, I want to take that money and travel and do comedy. More places than just Vegas. And that Kind of stuff, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you look homeless before you sold the house?

[William Montgomery]

Yep.

[Sam Castillo]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

100% incredible.

[Tanner Tuttle]

So I did this because, like, I, like, grew the beard, and everyone's like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah, you look good.

[Tanner Tuttle]

I'm like, I look good looking trashy. And they're like, yes, man. I'm like, okay, if everyone else seems to like it, I'll keep it going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't like it. You want to know what you look like before, though? Maybe we could shave half and then do a side by side. All right. Anything else crazy we should know about you before we let you go? Tanner Tuttle.

[Tanner Tuttle]

I did the. I did the Naked Roasted Skank fest the past two years and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did people say about your. About your junk on the naked roast?

[Tanner Tuttle]

From what I heard from everyone else, I was the biggest one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's what I heard. God works in mysterious ways. I bet it was. My guess is it was mostly pew.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Yeah, no, I. I cleaned up for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Tanner Tuttle]

I cleaned up for it. Trust me.

[Anthony Papali]

I.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Then this past year, everyone was like, he was the only one that looked trim. And I'm like, okay, why is everyone looking.

[Hans Kim]

But.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Naked Rose. Right. All right, Tanner Tuttle. Well, thank you very much for coming on. Here's one of these. We gotta keep it moving. We're running into overtime. Only one person left for this. Only one person can do the job that needs to be done in this very moment. Kill Tony. Hall of Famer. One of the legends of the game. The Parliament of Portland. The Memphis Strangler. The Tijuana Tarantula. The Harlem Globetrotter. The Bronx Bomber. The Geriatric Juggler. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Big Red Machine. This is indeed the one and the only William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Southwest Airlines is giving free extra seats to fat people who can't fit in a regular seat. If you're so morbidly obese that your fat ass can't fit in a Seagull airline seat, you don't need to be getting on an airplane. You need to be getting on a Stairmaster

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

with your fat ass.

[William Montgomery]

But seriously, you don't need to be getting on an airplane. I'm sure there's a Cheesecake factory within driving distance of your house, fat ass. Apparently, Matthew Perry died because he ate too much ketamine. Shit, I ain't ever gonna eat another carrot. Last week in Ukraine, a man walked into a meeting room with 100 people, pulled the pin on three grenades, and rolled them into the crowd, killing everyone. Only person I've seen bomb worse than that is Red Band during his standup,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he killed 100 people, dumbass. That's a botch.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, that's my time. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One minute, 18 seconds from the great red God. William Montgomery. Very fun. William, the. The extra seats on an airplane StairMaster.

[William Montgomery]

That's what messed. Honestly, if you're fat, though, don't get on the StairMaster. That's what destroyed my sciatic nerve.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true?

[Justin Landers]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

That's why I had to stop working out. I haven't worked out in probably eight months. I'm starting to get. Get numb in my arm. Who was laughing at that? Yeah, no, it's been eight months. I need to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good job, Thomas.

[William Montgomery]

But I need to start working out again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did somebody tell you that not working out would help you with your sciatic nerve?

[William Montgomery]

No, it just was hurting so bad. I mean, I have to sleep on my stomach at night. If I sleep on my back, which my sciatic nerve is hurting at, that gives me sleep paralysis. I have to sleep on my tummy at night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you explain to us what happens when a guy like William Montgomery gets sleep paralysis? Step by step? Go right ahead and take us through it. So you're sleeping. You're laying on your back. Where do you normally keep your hands when you're sleeping? On your backslide?

[William Montgomery]

No, just by my sides, kinda. Yeah, on either side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happens? Oh, yeah, frightening. Like, go ahead. Frightening.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

No, but I'm laying on my back and I just kind of wake up and something is wrong because I cannot move anything. And I'm just opening up my eyes and I just see this, like, thing in front of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you describe the thing?

[William Montgomery]

It's like, remember the Creature from the Black Lagoon?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who could forget that?

[William Montgomery]

It looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon. No, I can't even really describe what it does. It's literally just a shadow figure. Oh, great job, dumbass. I'm having the fucking set of my

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

life up here right now. Holy shit.

[William Montgomery]

What I was just saying was about

[Tanner Tuttle]

to really take off.

[William Montgomery]

Dumbass. That's all your fault.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, he's. He's pointing at the lady. And next to him, the guy. Wow. They're all throwing that poor lady under the bus. But I think it was the guy on the. Oh. Oh, okay. They're just some drunk Texas people.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude. All right, so, William, back at it. Ketamine, carrots. Love it. Hoodie, who from the get. Absolutely love it. Hooty who?

[William Montgomery]

I was doing a bunch of that and in Chicago. I was there this past weekend. And if A joke didn't land, which was, I don't know, 75% of them. It really wasn't a good percentage for me. This past weekend I would just do a Hootie Hoo and everybody would respond and it really would really help me out moving forward. So, yeah, I was at like 75%, just bombing just nobody, which really was kind of messed up my pride a little bit. I was thinking I was making some strides with this whole stand up thing and I swear to God, I only like 25% of the shit I'm saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you do one of the jokes that didn't go so well for you? Can you give us an example of one of the jokes that were bombing during your headlining set? 7 sold out shows at a 75% bomb ratio. It was very interesting.

[William Montgomery]

So one of them that I thought was gonna go well was. So I got high the other day and thought blood was coming out of my ears.

[Red Band]

It was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These people seem to love that. It's not a fully formed joke at all.

[Red Band]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But your fans love that. That didn't go well in Chicago. Let me ask you this. Could you hear a paper cup fall during your show in Chicago like we heard here tonight?

[William Montgomery]

No, I couldn't. I haven't been around people that rude before. I mean, that's so rude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, come on.

[William Montgomery]

It's literally my five year anniversary tonight for being a regular on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. So you that up, sir? Sir. Five fucking years of this shit, sir, and you fuck it up. How do you feel, sir? You okay knowing that you ruined his five year anniversary of being on the show? Really? Wow. Are you a fan of the show? Do you know where you're at? Did you sign up? No. Right? You're thinking about it. You think you have anything you could possibly do that would be funny? If I told. If I told you to come up here, you think you could do something funny? What's your name? What's your name, sir? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't come over here. What's your name? Carter. What? Carter Shankle. I don't believe you. But. Okay, okay, forget it. Carter, Sit back down. Creepazoid. This guy's gonna come up here just to molest me. I'm not having it. Yeah, Carter Shank. Yeah, dude. What time did you start drinking today, Carter? As soon as I got to your show. Right. Okay. What did you have tonight?

[Red Band]

Cheetos and soda.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many? At least five. There you go. The lady next to you was guessing five the entire time Five an hour.

[Red Band]

That's healthy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's. Yeah, it's what America's bred on.

[Red Band]

Heir to the Shadow Shanko fortune right there. Shankles, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Red Band]

You know the Shanklins? Fuck, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, the Shanklins.

[Red Band]

Tennis, bowling, Vomit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William, what else is going on in your life? You do any puzzles or anything lately?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I started a brand new one. It's a hammock scene in a. In, like, a snowy meadow, I think in Switzerland. But there's a hammock setup between two big old pine trees. There's birds on the pine trees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's.

[William Montgomery]

There's Frisbees caught up in the trees. It's. There's running shoes. A bunch of different colored pairs of running shoes at the base of both of the trees. So that's been a real hard part of the puzzle, Tony, just figuring out which tree the running shoes are underneath, because they're two pretty similar looking, pretty giant trees. And then this freaking. This hammock in between the trees. I mean, when you're dealing with a rope and stuff in a puzzle, it's so incredibly difficult. I swear to God, Tony, I'll be looking at the fucking pieces in front of me for like, five or six hours before I even touch one. It's literally. This was taking me forever. I'm scared to touch the pieces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Red Band]

Soothing, man. Listening to you talk, I just. I miss Shanko.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Old Carter Shankel over there. All right, you want to do a joke, Carter Shankel? What do you think, William? What do you think about this, William? I'm gonna let you decide because you're fucking in control right now. It's your time. No, we know you're not a comedian with pre pan jokes, you fucking drunk idiot. I wanted to see how stupid you could make yourself look up here.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, get your ass up here, Mr. Shanklin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Carter Shanklin, everybody. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh. He's taking the shortest. Oh, my God. He took the drunk path. He took the old drunk staircase of the sky right there.

[Red Band]

Very red.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Carter Shanklin, ladies and gentlemen. I like that. Come on, make noise for Carter, everybody. All right, Carter, do something. Put the mic right up to your mouth. Look out there and say something funny. Look out there and do it, and

[William Montgomery]

I'll act like I'm your arm. Arms?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, hold the microphone, William. William, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me help you guys. Or else he's gonna have three arms. Let William hold the microphone. Okay, Put your arms behind your back. Okay, here we go. Okay. All right, ladies, and gentlemen, make some noise for Carter Shanklet with William Montgomery Arms. For the first time in the history of this round, we're up for an Emmy, by the way. Make sure you.

[Red Band]

Geez, I didn't even have to say wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make sure you wave to the people, Carter. Wave to the people. Okay. No, Carter.

[Anthony Papali]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry, sorry. This is. This. This is how they should give DUI tests. All right, Sorry. For this next one, I'm gonna put my arm. I need you to put your arms behind your back. I'm gonna be your arms. How many fingers is he holding up, Carter? Looks like two.

[Red Band]

The question is, where are the other fingers?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Well, your fingers are on my dick, dude.

[Tanner Tuttle]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. Where'd that second head come from? Wait, go back. Go back. Go back? Yeah, go back to them, Kino. Do you say something funny to the people, Carter? Well, the guy behind me is the

[Anthony Papali]

one that's controlling us all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nah, no, he's just your arms, dude. What are you talking about? The guy behind me has taken over power of my brain. He's certainly taken over a few things. Oh, Carter, look at you, the natural. Why are you doing that weird thing with your left arm, Carter? Well, close that, please. Whoa, whoa. All right, this is getting weird. William, do something with your left ar. If you're gonna do it, you have to, like, do it. You're not supposed to leave your arms. Oh, it's got all sorts. Try to react to what he's doing with his arms, Carter. I. I. Well, geez. Hold on a minute.

[Red Band]

I'm almost there.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, that was a horrible idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I liked it. No, it was great. That was great.

[Red Band]

Was very funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Carter, Mercedes is going to help you down. How about a hand for the great and powerful Mercedes, everybody? She's got you, buddy. Don't try anything stupid, Carter. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Did you guys feel that? You know he's drunk when you make that. The whole ground shook there, Carter.

[Red Band]

Scared the out of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, he's got.

[Red Band]

In the basement, he's got. Yeah, he's a serial killer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When shank is in your last name. You know, you have a long line of. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, my dick was touching his butt the whole time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what he's talking about. You got the best of him. You got the best of that guy, William. That's the butts.

[Red Band]

All right, Your DNA is going to be on a crime scene now, just so you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else is going on, William? Have you been eating your Kellogg's Fiber Buds.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I ate some today. It had been a couple days. I didn't bring any to Chicago, but yeah, I ate some.

[Red Band]

What's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's. You didn't bring your Kellogg's all fiber? You don't take them on the road with you?

[William Montgomery]

No, I tried, but tsa, last time they took me into a room after they thought something was up with the Buds. I've been drinking, Kirk. I've been drinking, eating a bunch of Kellogg's Auburn Buds. And yet TSA got me in one of their places in Chicago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mix it with milk or something like that. Why would they confiscate a box of cereal?

[William Montgomery]

I guess trying to figure that one out. I mean, it really messed up. Messed up my entire trip. I was trapped in Chicago for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there anything you're passionate about right now in life? Anything new? Anything has you fired up a little bit, perhaps?

[William Montgomery]

I wish there was. Yeah, it's been. I've been having a real downer time recently. So I pray to the Lord above, Tony that in the coming days I'll be able to cheer about something. But, Tony, the past week, there's been nothing to cheer about. I mean, everything's falling apart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What about your massive victory making Carter Shanklin look stupid up here? Do what? Does that fire you up? The fact that you made Carter look a little bit stupid? Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, I actually really loved making Carter Shanklin happy up here. I mean, it was the first time he had ever been on a. I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

loved making Connor Shanklin. Oh, shit. Oh, wow.

[Red Band]

I hated it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. It was a horrible mistake. Wow. Are you ever gonna stop? I'm never gonna stop loving Carter Shankloo. All right, there he goes. William Montgomery, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. E Belt is in and it is fucking more awesome than ever. Make it loud for the great and powerful Kirk Fox. Ladies and gentlemen, reservation dogs, parks and rec, jury duty, out now. Now. Check it out on Amazon. Unbelievable comedian. See him any chance you get. He's still based out of la, but one of the highly recruited now people to we're trying to get him out here. And how many of you think Kirk should move to Austin, Texas?

[Red Band]

If Earl Shankel's got a room, I'll stay there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think Carter Shanklin's got a outhouse for you, my friend. Look at that. Oh, yeah, look at that. If you like the sound of guys that both pee and vomit at 5am in the middle of the night, Carter Shanklin, one more time for the great Kirk Fox, everybody. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? That's Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Paul Diemer on the horns, D Madness on the bass, John D's on the keys. And the great Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Thank you to Gel Blaster, Red rose, Yellow Rose zinibustes.com Hall Law Firm awesome Security Guard Service and Connect Mobile help Red Band Check out the secret show at the Sunset Strip. Atx.com I love you guys. We love you. Thank you. Good night everybody. Thank you. Sa.