
Joe List, William Montgomery, Casey Rocket, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, DMadness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Kino Loasis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban –02/12/2024 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Brian: @Redban Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com So if you want to get way more shows and save money while you’re at it go to https://expressvpn.com/killtony. Don’t forget to use our link so you can get three extra months free. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code KILLTONY for $20 off your first purchase. See why 4 out of 5 employers who post ...
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Redban
Hey, this is Redban and you're listening to the Death squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at desquad tv. And don't forget to check out everything Tony Hinchcliffe@tonyhinchcliffe.com and the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas. Go to sunsetstripatx.com and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey y', all, the LA Forum is
Yoni
right around the corner and contrary to a lot of people's rumors, there are still tickets available for that. The YouTube Theater two days later has sold out. Also, there's still a few tickets available for night one at Madison Square Garden, the two night super mega event, the biggest in Kiltoni's history. Travel. Go there, we'll see you there. And I am on tour with stand up comedy. Me and some of your favorite cronies from the show do our own stand up sets. I'm going to be in Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Boston, Massachusetts, Baltimore, Maryland, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Dallas, Houston, Texas, St. Louis, Missour, Nashville, Tennessee, Fort Lauderdale and Orlando. And then that is all of the standup on the road I am doing until 2025. I'll be releasing that special just after May. We'll see you guys on the road. Nothing but love. Here is another episode of Kill Tony.
D Madness
Hey, this is Redneck coming to you
Tony Hinchcliffe
live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
D Madness
Get up for Tony Hitchcock.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives?
D Madness
Hey, good day everybody. Ah,
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fuck yes.
Yoni
You're at the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony. How you guys feeling?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Brought to you by Red Rose, the
Yoni
Yellow rose Gel Blaster, CM Smokehouse Austin Security Guard Service, ninjabuses.com the Great Hall Law Firm, Connect, Mobile Health, where you get IV drips. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh?
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's the great Carlos Sosa on the horns, Raul Vallejo on the horns. Fernando Castillo on the horns. Michael Gonzalez on the drums, the mobile mailman, Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Please, please. John D's on the keys.
Yoni
And hear no evil, See no evil.
Tony Hinchcliffe
D Madness on the bass guitar, the one and the only.
Yoni
Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now.
Sunset Strip Promo
The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You guys all ready to start tonight's episode or what? Every single week, I present one of the funniest comedians in the world to be on this show. I'm excited about this one. You know, when it's somebody's first time on this show, I always have them with other people. Kind of get them acclimated to the flow of everything. This is one of the funniest and smartest and coolest stand up comedians out of New York. Amazing stuff coming from him. Specials out. Bunch of great stuff. You guys are going to absolutely love him. His first time rolling solo on Kill. Tony, make some noise for the great and powerful Joe List, everybody.
D Madness
Yeah, you can do better than that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Make some noise for Joe L. There you go.
Yoni
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. The horn players are on one tonight. I love that.
Yoni
Fill in the room, Joe List. How we doing?
Joe List
I'm doing great. I've. I've actually been on the show before.
Yoni
No, I know, but you were on with Sugar Shan ou.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah.
Joe List
Oh, okay. Sorry.
Yoni
Yeah. I was saying when I have people on for their first time, I have them on with other people to acclimate them so that they understand the flow of everything. And now you're here.
Joe List
I misunderstood. I thought you forgot about me. I almost killed myself back there.
Yoni
Nope.
Joe List
I told the guy, I'm like, I'm not going out. He forgot about me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I suck.
Joe List
I blew it.
Yoni
Joe, tell us what you got going on. What do you want people to go see? Where's it at?
Joe List
Big Show, May 2, Los Angeles. Regent Theater. Fly in, come out, go see. I'm up against Burr. That crazy show. Bill Burr, Maniscalco, Nate Barghesi. They're all at Hollywood bowl at the same time. And my show's on Skid row.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A little nervous on May 2nd.
Joe List
I might bring in homeless people if no one comes. So please.
Yoni
Unbelievable. You're also. One week before we do a arena in Los Angeles, The LA Forum. May 10th. A little fun fact for you. The return to Los Angeles, where it all started. So very exciting. We're going to your hometown, beautiful Madison Square Garden, doing two nights, August 9th and 10th.
Joe List
It. That's a nice room. I've done it before. Believe it or not, I open for somebody. I didn't sell it out. Obviously.
Yoni
It's fun.
Joe List
It's a good room.
Yoni
Legendary.
Joe List
We're very played there.
Yoni
That is true. And Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Joe List
Yes. They fought each other.
Yoni
They actually did in. And actually, no, that was a separate thing. But they did. They did something. It wasn't at msg. I think that was in the Philippines or the Forum or something. It doesn't matter. Who gives? A point is, you know how the show works. Joe. You guys know how the show works.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Over 200 people signed up to be in this bucket.
Yoni
We'll let that one be the first bucket pool since the wind blew it out. We're gonna go grab them from a bar across the street. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, the time's up and near the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, and then that means they have to wrap it up immediately after. That doesn't really apply for our regulars. We kind of let them do whatever they kind of want, and the rest is history. You gu ready to start tonight's show?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, you guys are in for a very, very, very, very, very special treat.
Yoni
Last week we announced that Hans Kim, who's opened shows for almost three years continuously for us, is taking a hiatus until May when he battles Rick Diaz in the rematch at the LA Forum for regular ship.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Since Rick Diaz didn't have to write
Yoni
and perform a new minute every week
Tony Hinchcliffe
until then, we found it unfair that
Yoni
Hans Kim would have to. So last week, we announced a brand new regular for the first time since Cam Patterson, a new regular who's going to start every show from now on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And this is his first scheduled opening of the show. Are you guys excited? Make some noise. For the present and the future, it's the one, one and only Casey Rocket. Terry. Terry Bradshaw.
Casey Rocket
Donald Shawn.
William Montgomery
Is this your hero?
Casey Rocket
Pass that around. We're having fun.
Yoni
All right.
Casey Rocket
Sorry I'm late, guys. I drank a bottle of Robitussin last night and I got stuck in Jumanji again. So it hasn't. Hasn't been the best summer. Ain't no fuss when you're on the tus.
D Madness
All right,
William Montgomery
folks.
Casey Rocket
Researchers say there's two types of people in this world. Sure, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, the researchers. But what do they say? They say there's two types of people in this world. The men who go to war and the women who love them. If you ask me, ladies and gentlemen, there's three types of people in this world. The men who go to war, the women.
D Madness
Oh, fuck.
Casey Rocket
Who loved them. And the third type of person, the type of guy who likes to cool down at night with a nice warm glass of tus.
William Montgomery
Wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Making it look extremely easy getting the show started A brand new minute from
Yoni
the great and powerful Casey Rocket with
Tony Hinchcliffe
a special Terry Bradshaw remix of a set here.
Casey Rocket
Yeah, there was a long pause at the beginning, and I was like, do
William Montgomery
I go through with the Terry Bradshaw?
Casey Rocket
Because I wasn't sure if it was a pro Bradshaw room. Turns out it most definitely was.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It definitely was.
Yoni
It's super topical. Coming. Fresh off of the super bowl last night. People are thinking about Terry Bradshaw. He's fresh on the mind, and you nailed it.
Casey Rocket
Who could blame him? It's Bradshaw on the brain.
Deshawn Johnson
Yep.
Casey Rocket
That type of year.
Redban
His photo is still getting passed around
Tony Hinchcliffe
the room right now, by the way.
Joe List
I just saw it.
Yoni
It is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's being bounced around.
Yoni
No one's selfishly holding on to it. It is being spread like absolute wildfire. A goddamn sensation. Casey Rocket has arrived. Joe List, have you seen Casey before?
Joe List
I have. Casey's the first comic I saw at Mothership, and I thought I was gonna see, you know, Joe Rogan, Tom Segura, and this lunatic came out and I was like, oh, this is different.
Nico Casablancas
Yeah.
Joe List
And my favorite thing is watching the people that did not get it. That was really enjoyable. Just. These two are just baffled by this. They're like, I hope this isn't all night. And it was really fun. I'm a fan.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It is amazing. He has.
Yoni
He has this thing where if you don't know him, it's kind of interesting.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And then once you see him the
Yoni
second time, you're like, okay. And then it just increases from there over and over and over again. The more you understand that this is actually how this man operates on stage, the funnier it gets.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The longer sets are some of my
Yoni
favorites because you could actually watch them
Tony Hinchcliffe
lose weight during the actual set. And. And just to let people know, like,
Yoni
he is being heavily restricted here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, he has drums directly behind
Yoni
him, a cliff to the right, a table to the left. But when this guy. When there's not all a bunch of. On this stage, he uses the entire stage, the backstage, the two wings. I mean, he goes absolutely everywhere. Famous for having a bunch of stuff on him, including random print ups of pieces of paper. Casey, where do you get these printed at?
Casey Rocket
Yeah, I go to Walgreens.
Yoni
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Pointless sound effect, everybody.
Joe List
Okay.
Casey Rocket
That's just big Walgreens crowd. Yeah, I go to hear that Walgreens pop every time I. Yeah, I go to Walgreens. And, yeah, I had to kind of explain to him what was happening. My picture budget is through the fucking roof.
Yoni
Yeah.
Casey Rocket
So honestly, yeah, 50, 60 bucks a week. They're only like a dollar each.
Yoni
So amazing. And you. Do you go through all of these things, Joe, I feel like this is a big show.
Joe List
With time, you may be able to afford a printer.
Yoni
Those inkjets are expensive.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They add up.
Yoni
But I'll tell you what, Casey. I actually dug into this information a little bit, and my great produce yoni found out that you get them printed at Walgreens, and we went ahead and spent $200 on a Walgreens
Tony Hinchcliffe
gift card. So this will get you through a couple weeks, I do believe of print ups. That's right. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe, my friend. That's a real Walgreens gift card. He's getting emotional.
Yoni
For those of you just listening to
Tony Hinchcliffe
the podcast, there's a tear in his eye. We've never seen him get this real before. This emotional music playing is happening in the moment.
Yoni
Everybody's feeling it up here. The horn players are also crying a little bit. Their eyes are filled. Their eyes are filled with water. For those of you just listening to
Tony Hinchcliffe
the podcast, if you're watching, close your eyes and let me describe you what's happening. D Madness is actually crying, which is unprecedented because I don't believe he has tear ducts. Something's flowing out of there. Perhaps there's a leaky ceiling or something like that. The room has gone emotional. There's a woman delivering a baby in the audience right now. She's gone into labor. The Walgreens gift card was just too overwhelming. Casey, how do you feel? How do you feel, Casey?
Yoni
$200 in Walgreens gift cards.
Casey Rocket
You know, when I was a kid, My dad said, titty boy lacroix. What do you. He used to. He would call me little Tibs.
Deshawn Johnson
And
Yoni
he.
Casey Rocket
But he loved me in his own way. And he said, what do you want when you grow up? And I said, $200 to Walgreens. And he stopped me, and he said, shh. And he said, what? What do you want it for? And I said, I want to print out pictures of Terry Bradshaw. And I want to print out pictures not just of Terry Bradshaw, but I want to print out pictures of John Hawks.
D Madness
Okay? And I want to print out.
William Montgomery
I want to print out another picture of Terry Bradshaw.
D Madness
Is that so wrong? Huh?
Tony Hinchcliffe
God.
William Montgomery
It's not about me.
Casey Rocket
It's about you. It's about this country.
Yoni
It's about America.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Oh, he's emotional again. Very emotional, Casey. That should get you through a couple
Yoni
weeks of printing pictures. $200 from the fine people over at Walgreens. We could not be more excited that you're part of the squad here. Your first schedule spot opening an episode of Kill Tony where we're excited about next week and every week moving forward.
Casey Rocket
I'm excited.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's an honor, guys.
Deshawn Johnson
So fun.
Casey Rocket
This is really, really cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you. Make some noise. To the great and powerful Case.
D Madness
Holy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And like that, it has begun a partnership at one point considered unfathomable, a union like this. But the Rocket has joined Kill Tony. We found him out of the bucke bucket, the same bucket that we found Cam. Out of that we found David Lucas. Out of that, we found Hans William, everybody.
Yoni
So any one of these bucket pools could be the future of the show.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Or it could be a completely mentally ill person who is threatening and dangerous to the core. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted to your first bucket pool. Nico Casablancas, everybody. We're gonna meet them all.
Yoni
How we doing, Mother ship? How we doing?
Nico Casablancas
Damn. I have to follow Casey Rocket. That is nerve wracking. Anyways, I'm sure most of you guys saw the super bowl yesterday. Of course. Reva McIntyre with a beautiful rendition of the national anthem. Give it up for Rea McIntyre right now. Yeah. I don't know if you know that when she actually got announced, Biden had actually signed an executive order to change the national anthem. Yeah. To a single mom who works two jobs, who loves her kids and never stops. So apparently she didn't get the message either. So that's why. But, yo, happy birthday to the Baja Blast. Any Baja Blast lovers in the crowd right now, Give it up, yo. 20 years old. 20 years old. Baja Blast. Not that I love more than baja blast and 20 year olds. So that's what me and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common. That and saying the N word to Jamie Foxx. So that's. That's my time. I'm Nico Casablancas. Thank you, guys.
Yoni
Boo.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I knew the second he said, following Casey Rocket.
Deshawn Johnson
Oh, boy, what a predicament.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You could have gone up after anything, and that would have happened absolutely anything.
Nico Casablancas
Dude, I love Casey Rocket.
Yoni
No one asked you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We know. We love Casey Rocket, and that's why
Yoni
he's on the show regularly. And that's why this is your one time ever, probably ever in the history you spent most of your time saying, give it up for things. We got. Reba McIntyre was about 10 seconds of
Tony Hinchcliffe
your set, and then one guy.
Yoni
One guy. And God only knows what drugs this
Tony Hinchcliffe
man is on, but one guy in
Yoni
the very middle of the room. Loved it. It was complete Silence. Other than one guy deep right there in the darkness. Like, I have it kind of spotted, but it's very. It's a very dark patch right there. And then you spent the next 15 seconds making noise for Baja Blast. Give it up for Baja blast. So between Reba and Baja blast, the audience made about 25 seconds worth of noise for those two things combined, in which then you segued into. It's 20. It's 20 years old.
Nico Casablancas
Yeah, it's 20 years old.
Yoni
This year you said that you like 20 year olds, which has nothing to do with Baja blasts.
Brendan Higgins
It's 20 years old.
Nico Casablancas
I, I a Baja Blast.
Yoni
Yesterday you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A Baja Blast.
Nico Casablancas
Yeah, I put it on my. Well, I didn't put that part on my Tick tock, but.
Yoni
Oh, my God. And then what was the final thing you almost said? Something compelling. You say the N word to what?
Nico Casablancas
Jamie Foxx. Me and Leonardo DiCaprio have that in common. We like seeing the N word of Jamie Foxx. Django Unchained joke, right?
Yoni
No better time than. I mean, Django Unchained came out about
Tony Hinchcliffe
half a Baja Blast.
Yoni
Again, it's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, not quite that in the
Yoni
universe, but I guess it's kind of a reach. Joe List, what do you think about this fat magician?
William Montgomery
Well,
Nico Casablancas
my mom just told me I was fat, too, so. Thank you.
D Madness
Thanks.
Nico Casablancas
Thank you for that.
Yoni
Everything you say sucks.
Joe List
Well, like I said, my favorite part of Casey is all the people that didn't get it. And way more people didn't get you. So that was fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, if you like people not getting it. This is basically Dave Chappelle right here.
Yoni
I mean, he is the reverse. Absolutely. People just absolutely awestruck at what you prepared. How long have you been doing standup?
Nico Casablancas
A little under two years.
Yoni
Wow.
Nico Casablancas
Really?
Yoni
You work hard at it. You do, like a few spots a week or something. Are you really lazy? Terrible work ethic.
Nico Casablancas
I've been doing it consistently every week, at least four mikes a week for the past six months.
Yoni
Okay, so you really, really started going hard six months ago. How's it going for you out there?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that your best minute?
Nico Casablancas
No, I actually just made both of those jokes up today.
Yoni
Okay, why don't you tell us the best joke that you've come up with in two years? I don't know why. God, why in the world you would go on a show or millions of people are going to eventually watch it and go.
Joe List
Came up with this on my bird
Tony Hinchcliffe
scooter on the way here.
Nico Casablancas
I thought it was good. I don't I don't know what to tell you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I thought wrong.
Yoni
But now I want to know, in all of your time, four mics a week for six months and a year and a half of procrastinating. Before that, I want to know what your very best quick joke is. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, with his very best. A name you will easily forget. It's Nico Casablancas.
Nico Casablancas
So my mom told me that I should not pursue my dream of doing comedy. And I was like, why would I listen to a fucking woman that married the first dick that she sucked? You know what I mean? Like, fucking.
Joe List
Your mom sounds wise beyond her years, frankly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sounds like a brilliant woman to me.
Yoni
What do you do for work, Nico? How do you make a living? What kind of weed do you deliver?
Nico Casablancas
I am a consultant at a accounting company.
Yoni
What do you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What kind of consulting are you doing at a comedy? Are you making things less funny?
Nico Casablancas
Yeah, because I'm charging them more money
Yoni
to, like, tell us what you do with the thing.
Nico Casablancas
So I just upsell people to bigger plans to make sure that they get all the shit that we're doing. It's software as a service. Sales.
Yoni
But how. What does it have to do with comedy?
Nico Casablancas
No, I didn't say comedy.
Yoni
Oh, he didn't. Oh, you said you're a consultant at a what?
Nico Casablancas
At an accounting company.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow.
Yoni
I totally misheard that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's incredible.
Yoni
Sometimes the sound people don't understand. There's like a. I think you're just
Joe List
so desperate to hear comedy right now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, absolutely. It is true. But now that he mentions accounting, you,
Yoni
do you do comedy like a accounting consultant?
Nico Casablancas
Thank you. Thanks.
Yoni
What do you do for fun? You seem like your face has a little wear and tear. You a heavy drinker?
Nico Casablancas
Yeah, I DJ. I've been going to music festivals. I've been to 77 festivals. Been doing that since 2009.
Yoni
What's your DJ name?
Nico Casablancas
Solstice.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. You got a laugh there. That's. That's a bigger laugh than your best joke and your full minute tonight.
Nico Casablancas
Yeah.
Yoni
Solstice.
Nico Casablancas
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So you're a gay DJ Day. Even though we're both Solstice, right? Yeah. I hope you like this song. I'm playing it for the next three hours, everybody.
Yoni
Why Solstice?
Nico Casablancas
I. Equinox was, like, just, like, too much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You were going to go with Equinox?
Nico Casablancas
I wanted something that, like, embraced, like, the themes of, like, two different, like, opposing things. Like, so I thought, like, summer and winter would, like, be good. I wanted to get deep in it. Because, like, I have a passion for music. So what about maybe.
Joe List
What about, like, funny and you something like,
Yoni
Holy shit, bro. What are some of the songs that you play? Like, what do you. Do you have your own techno?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have your own style?
Nico Casablancas
No, nothing up right now.
Yoni
So you just play other people's music?
Nico Casablancas
Yes.
Yoni
Right?
Nico Casablancas
Yes.
Yoni
Okay. And what's the most magical night you've had? 77 festivals. A lot under your belt, A lot of slightly above your belt, as well as you are.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your mother is correct.
Yoni
You are getting fat and you're. You shouldn't do comedy. What's the Most amazing time?
Tony Hinchcliffe
77 music festivals.
Nico Casablancas
Probably the first time I did the best acid that I'd ever had, and it was at Electric Forest. And I felt like I was in touch with the trees and the molecules were, like, coming in my body and stuff like that. And like. Yeah, yeah. Like, I felt like I was like, really?
Yoni
I feel bad for the trees on that one.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God, this guy's one of us.
Yoni
Would have been funnier to actually pull
Tony Hinchcliffe
a tree out of the bucket tonight. Have it perform.
Yoni
Nico, congratulations. You're leaving here with a very small
Tony Hinchcliffe
joke book via the great bonus eye. Real handmade Texas leather. There goes Nico. Not much to him, folks. That's what happens. This ain't easy. Comedy's not easy.
Yoni
Only about a small percentage of people are funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Make some noise for your next bucket poll. Brendan Higgins, everybody.
Yoni
Here we go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Anything can happen. Give it up for Brendan Higgins, gang.
Cody Odell
Come on.
Brendan Higgins
Hey, thank you for having me, team. I'm in from out of town. I, I, I'm a Mets fan, as you could probably tell. When I bought this hat. Thought I was going to be a backwards hat guy. A lot of my heroes are backwards hat guys. Mike Piazza, Baboni Turtle from Entourage. I realize it's a very specific kind of white boy. You can pull off the backwards hat. Forwards, I look relatively stable, right? You know, maybe I get a girlfriend. Maybe I'm married. Maybe I have kids. Maybe they love me, right? It's all on the table. Hat goes backwards. My ass is divorced, you know, no custody. Kids are asking to use their mom's last name. It's looking ugly. I just, I feel like I look backwards. Like I'm trying to command respect. That's just not getting commanded, you know? Like, I look like a bouncer who gets his ass beat every night, you know, free cover at my bar. Just bring two knuckle sandwiches, you know, I look like a youth pastor who got fired for offering to buy the Kids, cigarettes. They didn't even take me up on it, you know, they were waiting for my ass to slip. It was ugly. I look like I. I always have a cracked iPhone screen, you know what I mean? Like, even when I get a new iPhone, they don't give it to me. They throw it down a flight of stairs, tell me to go get it. You know, the. The one thing everybody tells me over and over with the backwards hat.
Yoni
There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You did it.
Yoni
You went beyond your time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sorry.
Jeff Scott
Thank you.
Yoni
Brendan Higgins, everybody.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So let's talk. Brandon. Brandon. Hi, Brandon. There you go.
Joe List
Right?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You thought that was it, huh?
Brendan Higgins
I did think I was sneaking out of here.
Joe List
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. No, no, Brandon, it's not going to be that easy tonight.
Yoni
How you feeling?
Tony Hinchcliffe
How does that feel right now?
Brendan Higgins
God, I got to tell you, I feel fat. Oh, my God. I had so much barbecue today, I didn't think I was going to get on stage, you know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's what did it. It was today's barbecue that made you like that. An incredible amount of food you must have consumed.
Brendan Higgins
I was at 32 until noon.
Yoni
And then you go right ahead. There you go. Okay. Brendan Higgins, how long you been doing stan up?
Brendan Higgins
I started in College in, like, 2014. But not, you know, every day, right?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah.
Yoni
Okay. How long have you been taking it seriously? Or have you not?
Brendan Higgins
God, I hope to start taking it seriously soon. Yeah, you know, I guess maybe today is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What, do you go up every once
Yoni
in a great while?
Brendan Higgins
No, I. I host my. I live in New York. I host my own show. I'm trying to get in with the clubs, but it's a racket. You know, it's a lot of.
Yoni
Is it a racket or is it quality based content?
Brendan Higgins
It's a little bit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The New York scene is a racket. Before it seems like if you're funny, you're going to spot.
Jeff Scott
Really?
Brendan Higgins
No, I don't find that it's a lot.
Yoni
Well, I guess you go ahead. No, I want to hear.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I want to hear New York comedian Brendan.
Yoni
Let me help you, by the way, because this is a podcast. If someone's talking, you have to wait
Tony Hinchcliffe
till that person's done talking.
Yoni
Now, with that said, I want to hear what Joe List has to say about the New York scene being a racket. How long have you been doing stand up in New York?
Joe List
17 years. 17 years and no, it's a real racket. You got a really.
Brendan Higgins
Give it up for Joe List, everybody.
Eric Jordan
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Brandon. He's still talking. You.
Joe List
You have to, like, do well, to get paid spots, it's a little up. You gotta.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yep. There's your racket.
Joe List
Yeah, you gotta. You gotta write and then do the stuff and have it get laughs every night. And then you get spots in exchange for money.
Yoni
Yeah.
Joe List
It's up.
Yoni
It's a total.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's a real pyramid scheme.
Joe List
It's a rig deck.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
What do you do for actual work?
Brendan Higgins
Text sales.
Yoni
Tech sales. Indeed. You do look like you would be an accounting consultant. What do you do for fun, Brendan? Seem like you have some deep dark secrets.
Brendan Higgins
I go to a lot of concerts. I don't know rap and emo music mostly.
Yoni
Use a vpn.
Brendan Higgins
Yeah.
Yoni
Yeah, you do, don't you?
Brendan Higgins
When need be. Yeah, I guess.
Yoni
Yeah. Wins need be. What do you do?
Cody Odell
Sorry?
Yoni
When you use your vpn, what do you do?
Brendan Higgins
And nothing that cool, like watching TV shows from other countries. You know there's a Wong Car wide TV show coming out of China right now. I'm trying to get my hands on. On.
Yoni
There's a what?
Brendan Higgins
It doesn't matter.
Yoni
You're a great interview. ExpressVPN.com Kill Tony is the best VPN, just to let you know.
Brendan Higgins
Yeah, goddamn right.
Yoni
Yep. And if you use it right now, you get three extra months of ExpressVPN absolutely free. I'm sorry. When I'm selling my soul, sometimes phlegm
Tony Hinchcliffe
comes out of my throat.
Yoni
I feel a little guilt. That comes over me. Tell us a dirty little secret about you. What would surprise us about you, Brad?
Brendan Higgins
Brendan, what would surprise. I was a diver in college, believe it or not.
Yoni
Wow. Diving into what? Birthday cakes?
Joe List
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, they.
Brendan Higgins
They used to call me the Jackie Robinson at diving. I was doing it for all the kids who are their shirts in the pool. Those were. Those were my people.
Yoni
You were the what?
Brendan Higgins
The Jackie Robinson of diving?
Yoni
Why would you be the Jackie Robinson?
Brendan Higgins
I was doing it for the kids who wore their shirts in the pool. I was. I was risking breaking the boards every day. You know, I was getting a new demographic.
Yoni
Black people would find that interesting. Interesting that you consider yourself the Jackie Robinson of something.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Especially with something that.
Yoni
There you go again, Brendan.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're absolutely terrible.
Yoni
And you don't listen while on a show. Here you go. Here's a little joke book. You suck. You suck. There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Put the mic in the mic stand.
Yoni
You're done.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're uninterviewable. I tried to help you. I literally coached you through it. Jackie, stop talking when other people are talking. It's impossible. You guys having fun out there?
Yoni
Here we go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Let's see what happens next. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eric Jordan, everybody. Eric Jordan.
Yoni
Here we go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
60 seconds from Eric Jordan.
Eric Jordan
Hey, I just moved here from Cal, California. Please don't keep my car, though. I'm not woke. None of that, I promise. I moved here because the governor there is fucking a terrible person and he doesn't stand for anything. So I moved to Texas because the governor does stand for something. He just can't fucking physically stand. That's the sad part. But anyway, so at my job, about a year and a half ago, I almost got fired for giving a kid a haircut in class because I'm a teacher. Apparently, it's illegal to groom a child.
Yoni
Wild.
Eric Jordan
I had no idea. So that was news to me. So since I moved to Texas, I've been taking, like, three shits a day. I have no idea why. I guess it's P. Terry's. I don't know. Because there's no Peterry's in California, so that might be it. Every time I take a. I know. It's pretty graphic. Every time I take a. It's just explosive. It's explosive. It looks like July 5th on Cesar Chavez Boulevard or MLK. Okay, that's it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Joe List
We have.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is a tough one here tonight. Oh, my God. Eric Jordan with straight booze from the audience, clearly very inspired by Closer.
Yoni
Inspired by the Great Red Band over here. If.
Tony Hinchcliffe
When you're not laughing at a. I so much joke, you know that there's no effort behind it whatsoever.
Yoni
PT Terror.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My goodness. Just on.
Yoni
Peter. Are you really a teacher? Yeah, I am. Okay. What do you teach?
Eric Jordan
It's actually an engineering class at a vocational school.
Joe List
All right.
Eric Jordan
Ninth grade.
Yoni
Okay. All right. How old are you?
Eric Jordan
I'll be 41 in April.
Yoni
41. When did you start standup comedy?
Eric Jordan
It's my first time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. Thank God for that. You.
Eric Jordan
You pop my comedic cherry. I made sure that you pop my comedic cherry.
Yoni
Okay. All right.
Eric Jordan
Sorry.
Yoni
There we go. Absolutely.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
Starting on Kill Tony is a tricky, tricky thing. So when you say popped your cherry, what do you think's gonna happen now moving forward? Yeah.
Eric Jordan
Comedic wise? I don't. I'm not putting a lot of stock in comedy. I moved here for music.
Yoni
What type of music do you do?
Eric Jordan
I just sample music.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You just sample music?
Eric Jordan
I sample. I'm not. I'm not talented like these guys.
Yoni
What. Do you have any talents at all? Do you have any special skills?
Cam Patterson
Skills?
Eric Jordan
I mean, I'm good at building stuff because I You know, I'm an engineering teacher, so.
Yoni
Okay, Joe List. What do you think about this guy?
Joe List
I would, I mean, could you build an act?
William Montgomery
No.
Joe List
I mean, you have great teeth, you're very handsome and I feel like you probably have a good life. You're teaching children, yet you don't belong here.
Yoni
It's true.
Joe List
You're a beautiful man and you're serving the community. You should move forward into the audience, turn around and enjoy a nice show.
Eric Jordan
I actually teach in California on a sabbatical.
Joe List
Oh, even better.
Yoni
You teach in California? You a surfer?
Eric Jordan
No, I, I live in Fresno, the worst part of California.
Yoni
Okay, so he does. You know, Joe has a great point. You're a good looking guy. What do you utilize that? You single?
Eric Jordan
I am single.
Yoni
What type of a game do you have? What's your move to get ladies?
Eric Jordan
Oh, man, I'm, I'm eating potatoes, man. As, as you could tell, these people didn't really accept me. And they don't really accept.
Yoni
Is that true? Girls don't like you? You go to bars or anything?
Eric Jordan
I don't know, it's, it's weird, man. I, I, I, I don't know, it's.
Yoni
You're a little bit shy.
Nico Casablancas
This is incredible.
Eric Jordan
Maybe so. I mean, the, you know, this Austin's got the most beautiful women in the world.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I do know that. I agree. None of them are here tonight. But, but they are, they're out there somewhere. Deep. Deep. And perhaps in the darkness or something like that, but
Redban
still in Vegas.
Joe List
I mean, I, I get laid. You must. I mean, how are you not getting laid?
Yoni
Explain to us what goes wrong. You want to mimic a date? Let's pretend like we're on a date.
Eric Jordan
Let's do it.
Yoni
Pretend like I'm a hot chick.
Eric Jordan
Okay.
Yoni
Okay, here we go. I'm just a hot chick. Just got my hair cut super short because I'm fucking. I just got out of a really bad relationship. Oh, hi. How are you?
Eric Jordan
Hey, I'm good, How are you?
Yoni
Good. What's your name? Name?
Brendan Higgins
Eric.
Eric Jordan
What's your name?
Yoni
I'm Tanya.
Eric Jordan
Tanya. I like Tanya.
Yoni
Man, you're a really good looking guy. What do you do?
Eric Jordan
I'm a teacher.
Yoni
You want to get out of here?
Eric Jordan
Yeah, I can teach you a few things.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Whoa, look at that.
Yoni
All right, let's get an actual girl
Tony Hinchcliffe
up here to see how he buckles under the pressure.
Yoni
How long have you been in Austin?
Eric Jordan
About a month and a half.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Month and a half.
Yoni
And you have no game whatsoever? You haven't hooked up with A check.
Eric Jordan
I did.
Yoni
You did Tell us what happened there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where did you find her?
Yoni
Out on Bumble.
Eric Jordan
It was on Bumble? Yeah.
Yoni
That's the one where. What, the chick decides or something?
Eric Jordan
Yeah, they have to initiate the contact.
Yoni
Right. Okay, so if someone initiated contact with you, what did she say?
D Madness
She.
Eric Jordan
She was really pushy.
Casey Rocket
She was really pushy.
Yoni
In what way?
Eric Jordan
She was. You could tell she was more like. She wants a relationship and I'm not here for relationship.
Yoni
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sorry.
Casey Rocket
I'm just.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What happened? You guys go on a date?
Yoni
Date?
Eric Jordan
Actually, she just came to my place. It happened, and then yada, yada, yada.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Doesn't sound a relationship.
Yoni
Pretty much sounds like she wanted to get.
Eric Jordan
That's. Well, she did, but she wanted more than that, and I.
Yoni
How do you know? What did she say? You're laying there in bed. You just busted it up. Where you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where'd you come at? In a condom or what? You do her, hers or yours? You came on your own stomach?
Eric Jordan
No, not on mine.
Brendan Higgins
On hers.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey, it could happen.
Eric Jordan
Yeah, of course it could happen.
Tony Hinchcliffe
If on bottom position and they have
Yoni
to get up quick. Sometimes you have to just blow it where it lies.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely.
Yoni
You have to play it as it lies. You know what I mean? You just have to go with it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's Happy Gilmore style.
Eric Jordan
Absolutely.
Yoni
Rule 22A says play it as it lies. You have to shoot your load. I mean, no point in getting the comforter and sheets all up, right? You take the load. Grab a side towel. Right. Paper towel if you have. You seem like you'd have some pet Terry's napkins next to the bed loaded with those. Yeah, whatever you got. It takes you. Perhaps a joke book you could wipe it up with.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Empty, nice clean pages there.
Yoni
I love it. So you blew on her stomach and then you got a towel or something, right?
Eric Jordan
I let her go to my shower.
Yoni
You let her. She went straight to the shower.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, I was.
Yoni
Okay.
Eric Jordan
That's icky, man. Okay, I don't want any of that.
Joe List
Well, you gotta wipe first. You can't add water.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What the Icky. It's your come.
Jeff Scott
Yeah, it's not.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Some other dudes come. You would wipe up or something. That would be kind of creepy.
Yoni
But it's yours. It was in your body.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Balls.
Eric Jordan
That's true. That is very true.
Yoni
You consider it icky?
Eric Jordan
Well, I don't want to touch it.
Yoni
You don't want to touch your own cum?
Eric Jordan
Smells like first aid.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your c. Smells like first aid. Aid.
Yoni
First aids.
Eric Jordan
No, not aids. I knew you.
Roy Mendoza
I knew where You.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You knew I was going to say that.
Joe List
You watching you for a while.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Watching the show for a long time. I popped your cherry.
Eric Jordan
That's true.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I knew you were going to say first dates. I shouldn't have said it. You son of a.
Yoni
It's got the word A in it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All you had to do was add an.
Redban
Did you watch the super bowl on Nickelodeon? Oh, I didn't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like.
Yoni
I don't get it. Why would he watch it on Nickelodeon?
Redban
They had the super bowl on Nickelodeon, but it was all slime and spongebob.
Joe List
They like, put it on a lot of graphics.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah,
Tony Hinchcliffe
the reach was for icky on that one.
Yoni
Okay, okay, okay. Wow. Most interesting thing, Joe Live. What do you think about.
Joe List
I just think that your cum smells like first aid is way funnier than anything in that notebook. I mean, that's if you came out with come smells like first date. I don't even know what that means, but I'm like, I'm listening. Y. Yeah.
Yoni
Yeah.
Joe List
Okay.
Yoni
Yep.
Joe List
Then there's hope for you. That just gave me a new hope.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Maybe this is 100% still not your
Yoni
calling, but 41 years of life, it doesn't have to be funny, but just tell us something that makes you different than everybody else. Something that happened to you or how perhaps all you were raised or some fun fact about life.
Eric Jordan
Well, I talked about. I came out here for music and I sample music and. And you and I, we're kind of grew up in the same era, so. I know. Hey, I'm a big fan. I know you're a little younger than me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What are you getting at? Let's go.
Eric Jordan
Well, I sample music and I've been doing a lot of eight bit stuff, so a lot of, like, old Nintendo games that we probably both grew up on.
Yoni
You know what I mean?
Eric Jordan
And it's different. A lot of people that have heard it have said, hey, that's pretty.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where's it at?
Eric Jordan
It's on my MacBook.
Deshawn Johnson
At home.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Not.
Eric Jordan
Not here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow, you are a marketing genius, my friend. There it is. Three little joke books in a row. It's a. It's a fairy tale. This is like a kid's book right now. Three little joke books. Three little joke books. I have a friend that's visiting. He's writing a children's book.
Yoni
Make some noise for my friend Willie Hunter up there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There visiting from la Comedy Store legend, former many multiple time guests of the show. All right, this person is on the inside. You've seen three little joke books handed out tonight. Perhaps someone from your very own audience, a representative of you will turn the tide for the bucket pools tonight. Make some noise for the inside zone. Jeff Scott, everybody. Jeff Scott. I'm not seeing it. Where's Jeff at that? From the farthest corner, of course. Madison Square Garden, the forum. So much fun stuff happening. Of course, huge announcements at the ends of those shows. As always with our big shows where we always announce where we're going next, the people in Europe might be excited at an announcement.
Yoni
We pre pull the next name.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Here's the audience's own one of you. It's Jeff Scott.
Yoni
All right.
Jeff Scott
Growing up, I would only watch lesbian porn. I didn't want to see another man's dick. I thought that would, you know, give me the gay. And when I was younger, having the gay was a sin. But you see porn, well, that's where I learned all my sex moves from. So until I was like 24, I was out here scissoring bitches.
Eric Jordan
I'm.
Jeff Scott
I'm trying to get back in the dating scene right now. I just had a first date recently with a girl. I took her to a pet store after lunch. I figured we could look at the puppies. And while we were there, she kept telling me how much she loved reptiles. I thought it was going great, but as soon as I get back to my house and I finally get my pants off, she gets all mad at me. And I was like, what? Earlier you said you love turtles. I really am trying to focus on my stand up career right now, but I don't have any social media, you know, no Instagram, Snapchat, nothing like that. In fact, right now, the only social media I have is Jerkmate. I don't know if it's all my career or not, but the chicks keep laughing. Seriously, though, if I would have known there was gonna be this many hot chicks here, I would have put a sock in my pants or something. My problem is I'm all balls. But, you know, they say one in 50 men do have a micro penis. My question is, which president was it? No way. It was Obama. Michelle's not putting up the with that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Keep going.
Yoni
I want to hear the end of them.
Eric Jordan
Clinton, Kennedy.
Jeff Scott
They're out for obvious reasons, but personally, I kind of think it was Lincoln dude, because what type of cuckold was that? We had such a good thing going.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Very good.
Yoni
Thanks, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jeff Scott, straight out of the audience.
Yoni
I love it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Let's get into it.
Yoni
How long you been doing stand up?
Jeff Scott
About a year. Year.
Yoni
Now about a year. We're at oh Chicago, I love it. Chicago, Very good place for comedy. What do you do for work?
Jeff Scott
I build swimming pools.
Yoni
You build swimming pools in Chicago?
Jeff Scott
In Chicago, yes, sir.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. If you like swimming two months out of the year.
Jeff Scott
Exactly. Exactly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jeff Scott.
Jeff Scott
That's why I'm here.
Yoni
Yes, I love it. So very interesting, Jeff. Lesbian porn, turtles. Jerk. Made all the way through. I loved the Lincoln joke. It was great. Joe List, what do you think about this guy?
Joe List
Yeah, that was fantastic. I mean, straight out of the audience. You killed. You make your own sweatshirts. It was really. I mean, what can't he do?
Yoni
You are in the audience tonight. You're a fan of this show. You came here with people. How did you end up here? You bought it.
Jeff Scott
I came with my girlfriend. I've been in standby for, like, last six weeks. Since you stopped doing the HEB standby tickets.
Yoni
Right. So you've been, like, waiting in the line first?
Jeff Scott
Yeah, Every day? Every Monday.
Yoni
Really? What time do you get here? This is an interesting thing. I've heard rumors about this about, like, people. How long people wait.
Jeff Scott
I don't want to give it away. I get here at noon.
Yoni
Okay. Yeah, you're afraid people show up at 11:30.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Now, I don't want to give it away.
Yoni
I see what's going on. So you get here at noon. Do you bring, like a chair or something?
Jeff Scott
Yeah, I get here early, so I get the parking spot right next to it and I bring a chair and yeah, I just kick it all day.
Yoni
Cool, man. And you've been signing up every week?
Jeff Scott
Every week, yeah. Sundays.
Yoni
And then you finally got pulled?
Jeff Scott
Finally, yeah.
Yoni
How many has it been?
D Madness
Many.
Jeff Scott
How many weeks since you've been back from heb? So six, is it?
Joe List
Yeah.
Yoni
Six weeks. That sounds about right. Amazing stuff. I love it. Tell us more about you.
Jeff Scott
Oh, well, actually, I knew I was going to get picked tonight, so I was standing in line and a bird pooped on me.
Yoni
Really?
Jeff Scott
And everyone. I didn't know, I was mad, but everyone in line was like, that's good luck. You're getting on tonight. And I can't believe I got on tonight.
Brendan Higgins
That's crazy.
Yoni
That's incredible. I was going to say, how the
Tony Hinchcliffe
did you know that you were getting on tonight?
Yoni
Everybody always has conspiracy theories. I'm very excited to find.
Nico Casablancas
Right there.
Jeff Scott
You can't see it. My girlfriend did a good job cleaning it up.
Yoni
Hell yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Yoni
Absolutely incredible. Hell yeah. She fell in love with your scissoring abilities.
Jeff Scott
Yeah.
Yoni
That's why I wonder Over.
Jeff Scott
Yeah, she's right out there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yep.
Yoni
No, I know. I get it.
Jeff Scott
I know you can hear it. Yeah.
Yoni
I know how. I know how the architecture of the building is. She's definitely out there somewhere. I love it. So how old you are?
Jeff Scott
Are you 31?
Yoni
31. What have you been doing with your life up until this point? You've been building swimming pools.
Jeff Scott
Building swimming pools. Loving it. Plumbing, electrician plumbing. All the fun stuff.
Yoni
Look at you, a man of many talents. How long have you been with your girl?
Jeff Scott
13 years.
D Madness
Wow.
Yoni
Incredible. My goodness, look at that. She's done more for turtles than the elimination of plastic straws. That's incredible. I love, love it. Incredible stuff. What does she do?
Jeff Scott
She's a wedding planner.
Yoni
A. Adorable. And you guys aren't married?
Jeff Scott
We're not married, no.
Tony Hinchcliffe
13 years.
Jeff Scott
13 years.
Yoni
Yeah.
Joe List
We're not.
Jeff Scott
We're not big into it. We're not big into it.
Joe List
You can't write better than this. We've been dating a wedding planner for 13 years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, it's true.
Joe List
I hope you do that as a biff.
Jeff Scott
All right.
Yoni
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is a really good. You literally can't.
Yoni
You.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The first three bucket polls definitely can't write anything like that.
Yoni
And here you are in the interview portion, just absolutely, absolutely smashing. With better premises than anybody came up with before you. Other than, of course, the great Casey Rocket, who hit Terry Bradshaw right on the head multiple times.
Jeff Scott
You can't beat that. You can't beat that.
Joe List
Can I ask you a question?
Yoni
Absolutely.
Joe List
Has there ever been a proposal on Kill. Tony, stop.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Joe, Joe. There has. There has. There was one in Sydney, Australia, and between a chubby white guy and an Asian girl. And then there was one on New Year's Eve.
Yoni
You'll never believe it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Chubby white guy and an Asian girl. Did she.
Yoni
She didn't prepare a minute, though, right?
Jeff Scott
No, she doesn't. She doesn't understand.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Yoni
And you don't want to bring her up here, do you?
Jeff Scott
We don't. If you want, she'll come up. She loves attention, so.
Joe List
Oh.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. Wow. I see why you've been dating for 13 years.
Yoni
Holy.
Joe List
I love that. You know, she loves attention, but still won't propose and give her a wedding.
Yoni
Is there a reason why you haven't proposed yet?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're afraid to go.
Jeff Scott
We're not big into it. No kids, no marriage.
Yoni
Afraid to go to the deep end.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Swimming pool builder.
Yoni
Sons of.
Redban
What about the tax break?
Jeff Scott
I guess. Yeah, I guess. Does it make a lot of sense?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Good question, Red man. What about the tax break?
Redban
What's the Longest set you've ever done.
Yoni
Jesus Christ.
Jeff Scott
Like 10 minutes? 10:15.
Redban
I would love to have you for like do a five minute set on
Tony Hinchcliffe
the secret show Thursday.
Jeff Scott
Amazing.
Eric Jordan
Heck yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Secret show. And guess what, my friend. Six weeks in the making. The first big joke book of the night. Jeff Scott, everybody. He's Jeff Scott. Jokes on Twitter or Instagram or one of the two. Jeff Scott, famously the name of a 30 year comedy store piano player legend who passed away during the global pandemic. One of the reasons why so many people left the Comedy Store and la. He was really the guy that was a staple there. So his spirit lives on.
Yoni
And new comedian Jeff Scott.
Tony Hinchcliffe
One more time for your own Jeff Scott, everybody. And now the momentum shall flow as we switch to one of our esteemed, brilliant, unbelievable regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a phenom. You know him, you love him, he's an international superstar. Kill Tony Zone, Cam Patterson, everybody.
Cam Patterson
I'm talking to a white girl right now. Obviously we in Austin, that's all we got. So I'm having a time.
Joe List
Good.
Cam Patterson
But the weird thing about it is she, she was like kind of raised in the hood a little bit. So she say nigga a lot. And I like to say nigga a lot. That's my favorite word. But she said more than me. You feel what I'm saying? And usually when a white person said nigga to my face, I would be upset. But we fucking, so she get a pass. But I really want to bring around my parents. You feel what I'm saying? I really wanted to meet my people. And I don't want her to say nigga around my dad. Cause then he gonna have to fuck her too. You feel that? That's just the law. That's how that works. That's how that works. Imagine if my granddad was there, he gotta fuck my girl too. And I want all white men to understand something. You can say nigga also. I'm not. You can also say. Would you like to say sir, if you wanted to say, all you got to do is get in the ass by a big ass black gay man. And you earned it. Also, that wasn't a great ending.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All good. I love it.
Cam Patterson
Hey, I did that exact same ending, little boy. It did the exact same thing. I still tried.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's good. That's exactly what it's all about, going for it.
Yoni
You have expendable minutes. You're allowed to do whatever the you want. You're here every week. It's a not an easy job whatsoever. And you're out here doing it. You disguise that punch about your dad having to so good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I didn't see it coming.
Yoni
And I knew that you had something funny coming.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And still you got me.
Casey Rocket
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
Fantastic stuff as always, Joe. You like saying the N word? What you think about his set?
Joe List
Yeah, no, I love it. We have the same favorite word. No, I. I'm a huge fan of. I watched him in the. The little boy the other day. He blew the room apart. I'm a fan. I don't know what else to add, man.
Cam Patterson
Thank you, man.
Tony
Hilarious.
Yoni
You really are a goddamn sensation. Where'd you meet this white girl at?
Cam Patterson
She from. She from the city.
Eric Jordan
We.
Cam Patterson
We pretty cool. She's from Orlando and.
Yoni
Oh, from Orlando. Okay. And what does she do? What. What kind of hair does she do for a living?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cornrows or braids or.
Yoni
Nah, she dance.
Cam Patterson
She a dancer.
Yoni
She's a. Is she a stripper?
Cam Patterson
No, no, no, She's a professional dancer.
Yoni
On a pole?
Cam Patterson
Sometimes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Amazing time.
Cam Patterson
There's a pole.
Yoni
There are the strip clubs in Orlando, Are they fully nude?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Cam Patterson
They get ass naked.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Of course. It's Florida. As if it's coming out of my mouth.
Yoni
I'm like, it's Florida.
Cam Patterson
What the bucket naked hand?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Bucket.
Cam Patterson
Bucket naked. Like bucket super naked.
Yoni
Like, damn super naked naked?
Joe List
Yeah.
Yoni
Wow. I can't even imagine how much more naked you could get than regular naked. I mean, what are they doing, shaving their pubes up there or something? It's crazy. I love it. Absolutely incredible. Joe, this is funny.
Joe List
Normally when someone says, you know what I'm saying? You almost always do. But in that instance, I actually didn't know what you were saying. I was like, I have no idea what you're saying. Buck. Did you say bucket naked?
Cam Patterson
Bucket naked? Like super naked?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like bucket, yeah.
Cam Patterson
Nah, like bucket. Like bucket it naked. You get what I'm saying, right? Bald.
Joe List
I feel like you're adding.
Cam Patterson
Do you understand it? You, the bald get it?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, he understand. His head is bucket naked.
D Madness
For sure.
Joe List
The audience can't see, but this is handsome Ari Shafir, you look like a very attractive Ari.
Yoni
It really is. It's incredible. Likable. You Jewish?
Eric Jordan
Everyone says I am, but I'm not.
Cam Patterson
You got.
Yoni
What do you think this is, World War II, bro?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Come on. Everyone thinks I'm Jewish, but I'm not.
Joe List
Not. Not even. Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. Everyone says I'm Jewish. People are like, you'?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Goddamn Jew. What are you. You went to Catholic school? Yeah. A lot of people Went to Catholic school. You Jew. Anyway, Catholic school, what does that matter?
Jeff Scott
Look at me.
Cam Patterson
I love you.
Yoni
A.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Look at that. Look at that. A little Ash Wednesday for you. Catholic school, boy. We got a little mark on his forehead now. We gotta get Cam some hand lotion asap. Yoni, we have any Vaseline? We got a thumbs up from Yoni.
Deshawn Johnson
Hey, man.
Eric Jordan
A Casey.
Cam Patterson
A gift card. I'd be going to Walgreens all the time.
Yoni
Oh, I'm always.
Cam Patterson
I'm always at Walgreens stealing a whole bunch of.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you're looting, dude.
Yoni
You don't need a gift card to lose. You're just allowed to do whatever you want as long as it's not behind the plastic cases.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know how it works.
Yoni
I love it. So you met the stripper in Orlando or out here?
Cam Patterson
Yeah, in the city.
Yoni
Okay. In the city of Orlando. Yeah. I love it.
Joe List
When you.
Yoni
Was it this last time or. You knew her from before?
Eric Jordan
Yeah, before.
Yoni
Okay. You've known her a while. She have a good stripper name?
Cam Patterson
No, I don't know it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You don't know her stripper name?
Cam Patterson
I don't like to ask about her job life.
Yoni
Her job life.
Cam Patterson
When you come home, baby, enjoy yourself. You know what I'm saying?
Yoni
That's right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You only know her by her real name.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, I don't even know that. But I love her.
Yoni
You are? I'm in love. You are. What's your most favorite thing about her? Does she do something special in the bedroom?
Cam Patterson
Fat ass.
Yoni
Oh, love, maybe.
Cam Patterson
Real happy. Come on now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love that.
Yoni
What's your favorite thing to do with
Tony Hinchcliffe
a woman with a fat ass?
Yoni
Do you like to hit it from behind or perhaps.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, put your thumb in the booty.
Yoni
I never did that.
Deshawn Johnson
You put it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, he just pointed to the girl.
Yoni
Look at that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is incredible.
Yoni
I do believe she likes that. He get it.
Cam Patterson
And that nigga shoot deer. That I understand.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.
Yoni
He get it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He puts the buck in bucket naked. You know, True hunter right here. A slayer of deer.
Yoni
I love it, Cam. You did it again.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, absolutely unbelievable.
Yoni
You're a fucking absolute
Tony Hinchcliffe
specimen of what should go on here. With appearances, energy, charisma, writing, execution One more time for the great and powerful Cam Patterson, everybody.
Yoni
The best, the man, the myth. He's on tour with me all over the country right now. We're finishing it up.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's going to be done in May.
Yoni
Some fun. Few more giant theaters to go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Make some for your next bucket pool. His name is Roy Mendoza, everybody. Roy Or Ray Mendoza. Here we go.
Roy Mendoza
Go Austin, Texas. How the are we doing out here tonight, man? Y' all looking beautiful. I'm a local, by the way, just so I know. So give me a little extra love. Come on, give me a little extra love. No. By the way, Cam, me and Cam have a lot in common. He loves saying the N word a lot. I actually say the N word for my breakfast. I had my bacon and eggs, say the N word five times, and brush my teeth. That's just my natural regimen. But anyways, on a serious note, guys, I just came out of a. Of a very long term relationship. So, you know, it's been tough. My ex was actually my nephew's ex, so obviously y' all can see I'm Hispanic if y' all haven't seen the mustache yet. But I have, I guess some. Some trailer trash genetics somewhere along the way. So it's been difficult, you know, because I almost became a great uncle to myself. So it's been, it's been interesting. It's been interesting. But yeah, man, this is beautiful. This is, you know, seeing Joe list people like this out here, you know, it's inspiring. Trying to do. Trying to do my thing out here, you know, I'm trying to get some Louis CK money out here. All right, thank you, guys. That's my time.
Yoni
What the. Man?
Tony Hinchcliffe
What is going on? Is it Ray or Roy?
Roy Mendoza
Roy, brother.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Uh huh.
Roy Mendoza
Roy.
Yoni
Okay, yeah. So how long have you been attempting stand up comedy?
Roy Mendoza
I have been attempting. Attempting to stand up. This is my second open mic. My first time I did an open mic was at the original Cap City back in like 2018.
Yoni
So what made you come back here tonight? What made you have this grand return?
Roy Mendoza
Comparing yourself, being a huge fan and nutting up? Because I'm. I'm a local from here and I said, you know what? Y' all been here for so long, I need a nut up, come out here and at least do it, you know, get that out of my system.
Yoni
And how do you think it went?
Roy Mendoza
Not great. I felt like it went better at Cap City. There was like 14 people and I made like two of them laugh, so it felt a little bit better.
Yoni
Yeah.
Roy Mendoza
Yeah, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yep.
Yoni
That ratio is a lot better than what you did here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Exactly.
Joe List
So much to say. I mean, it seems like maybe you're a fan of mine, so I thought you were fantastic.
Yoni
Awesome.
Roy Mendoza
Everybody go see fourth of July. It's a great movie.
Joe List
This is the best comedian on the show.
Roy Mendoza
He knows what he's doing, if he needs extras and Mexicans maybe.
Yoni
You know. There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Shut up, Mendoza. No, I shout out Mendozas.
Joe List
At first. I, you came out like a con. You like, you look like a guy that does a lot of comedy, but there was a lot of wasted time demo, I think.
Yoni
Yep. And it's, it's. Yeah, yeah.
Joe List
But you look like a comet. Like, you look, you're standing and glasses.
Roy Mendoza
The, the, Yeah, I got a generic Mexican ass vibe looking, so I can totally pass for Frank Castillo. A lot of other Mexicans out there that are doing the same thing, so.
Joe List
Yeah, yeah, no, you just showed the jokes.
Yoni
They're doing jokes. Yeah, that's the thing you're missing. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Trying to make that Louis CK money with zero punch lines whatsoever. I hear you.
Yoni
So before I let you go, tell us something interesting about your life. You good at something? You ever do anything?
Roy Mendoza
Yeah, man. So I, I was trying to refrain from saying this, but I've been a drummer since I was a kid.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I've been really. Since you were a kid? How old are you?
Roy Mendoza
But how old am I? Yeah, I am 32.
Yoni
32.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And how old were you when you
Yoni
started playing the drums?
Roy Mendoza
I was three years old.
Yoni
Okay. You're God awful. A comedy. If you lose this, will you never do Stan up again?
Roy Mendoza
The, the drum off?
Yoni
Yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I just needed special retirement version. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Mexican drum off. Hold on, hold on.
Yoni
Wait.
Roy Mendoza
No, no, no. I, I, I'll definitely do a drum off, but I think it'd be a lot better if we could perform some type of song like Z.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, you don't make the rules.
Roy Mendoza
All right, let's go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you're insane.
Roy Mendoza
Let's go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is it Ray or, or Roy?
Roy Mendoza
Roy.
Yoni
Roy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, Roy, you know how this works. You're gonna do a drum solo, you're
Yoni
gonna keep it a little around 30 seconds or so or less.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And. And then Michael Gonzalez goes. If you win this drum off, you're
Yoni
the brand new drummer on Kill Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Which means you're unfunny, unlikable ass will
Yoni
be here every single week performing on this show. You will take Michael Gonzalez's job. One of the most professional, absolute legendary drummers in the history of the show and in all of Austin, Texas.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And he will have to become a.
Yoni
What do you do for a living?
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's gonna have to be an insurance agent. It's a switch. For those of you that don't know. If he loses, Michael becomes an insurance agent and Roy Mendoza becomes the new drummer on kil. Tony here with a drum solo. This is a Mexican drum off. This is Roy Mendoza,
D Madness
Sam.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, Roy Mendoza with an attempt, an absolute attempt, and here to defend his throne. Undefeated all time in Mexican dramas, this is indeed Kill Tony's very own Michael Gonzalez. Here he is repping the ladies soccer team of Austin, Texas, and clearly representing a little bit of Genghis Khan on his head. Everyone, this is Michael Gonzalez with a drum solo.
William Montgomery
Michael.
Yoni
Michael Gonzalez.
D Madness
Sam.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, God. Oh, boy. I think we're having a little retirement party here tonight, everyone. How many of you have Roy Mendoza winning that? Oh, Rick Diaz, like response there. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? People on the Internet, believe it or not. Well, I swear to God, there are people that will say the Roy Mendoza won that. It's very funny. I swear to God. This was facing me backwards.
Yoni
The backside of this little joke book
Tony Hinchcliffe
with a hanging little man on a noose. It says no bueno on the back
Yoni
of this little joke book.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And I'm giving you this as a retirement present.
Yoni
You understand? You're no longer allowed to do stand up comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Do you understand? Deal. You want to share?
Yoni
Shake on it. You're retired.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Roy Mendoza, everybody. There he goes. Holy. The first ever retirement edition of a Mexican drum off. We having fun tonight? Anything can happen. Let's keep it moving. Your next bucket pool. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Desean Johnson, everybody.
Yoni
1, 2, 3, 4am Music.
Deshawn Johnson
I don't have any jokes. I just came here to scare white people.
D Madness
Raar.
Deshawn Johnson
What's going on? It's Black History Month and I can't celebrate it. Cause I'm not a real nigga. As you can tell by the size of my pants. Some bitch outside said I was the first nigga she ever seen with a thigh gap. That fucking bugged me. I can't celebrate Black History Month cause I'm also a nigga that went through an emojis phase. You know that shit. My mom's a cunt and my dad haze. No. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. I don't have any jokes. I just came here to find a white girl with a fat ass and a good credit score. I'm trying to make waffle colored niggas. Is any. Can we make waffle colored niggas, please? Yeah, I'm trying to fuck my way into a cottage. Does that one have a cool cottage? Do you have a cottage, sir? All right, fair enough. Does that mean a nigga's done? What's up?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fantastic. It does mean that a man is done.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Deshawn, I gotta tell You. That was absolutely fantastic. The best bucket pull of the night.
Yoni
Not from the inside. That was great. I love it. You disguise your punchlines by saying you don't have jokes, and then you do a joke. Exactly. Most of the bucket polls tonight didn't have jokes. Didn't say that they didn't have jokes, and just didn't have jokes. You did something totally different outside of the box. Black History Month is booming. I can't tell where the black leather stops and your neck begins. Exactly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You are quite the. You are a beacon of Black History Month. Truly. I can't think of a better representative than you.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, yeah. You feel comfy up here, obviously, right?
Yoni
Absolutely.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm right at home. Yeah, man.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from Canada. That's probably why.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's true.
Deshawn Johnson
I'm really not a real nigga.
Yoni
So you're comfortable, too. I was born in. Raised in an all black neighborhood. And you are from Canada. So who would have guessed?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Exactly, exactly, exactly Would have guessed.
Yoni
What part of Canada are you from?
Deshawn Johnson
I'm from Toronto, Canada.
Yoni
I loved that. Toronto, Canada. The rare black Toronto, man. I love it. I love it. What was it like growing up in Toronto?
Deshawn Johnson
It was difficult.
Yoni
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
A lot of people, such as yourselves, you know, called me since.
Yoni
Really? They do that in Canada?
Deshawn Johnson
Since I was a child.
Yoni
They apologize immediately after.
Deshawn Johnson
No, I mean, I was outnumbered too, Right. So there's not much I can do.
Yoni
Right.
Deshawn Johnson
So. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yoni
Okay. Tell us more about your life. What do you do for. How old are you?
Deshawn Johnson
I'm 28.
Yoni
Wow, 28. Okay. Beautiful. And what do you do for work?
Deshawn Johnson
I'm a scammer. I scam white people for a living. I'm a retired scammer, so everything's fine. You're fine.
Yoni
How do you do it? What's your scam? Tell us about it.
Deshawn Johnson
Come on.
Yoni
Come on. This is a fun show.
Deshawn Johnson
What kind of. What kind of watch you got on?
Yoni
This is a good interview.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You can't scam me out of my role. I don't see. That's impossible.
Yoni
Wait, where'd it go? Holy.
Deshawn Johnson
I'm tricky. I'm tricky.
Yoni
Okay, so what was the scam that you were doing? I'm curious.
Deshawn Johnson
The thing is, I'm really a scammer, so I can't really talk much about it.
Yoni
Really?
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah.
Yoni
Can you tell us about a scam that you used to do that you don't do anymore? Come on, give me something here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
These interviews are tough tonight.
Yoni
God, these people are making me work for it.
Casey Rocket
Okay.
Deshawn Johnson
I Used to have a lot of American bills. Like, in Canada, they can't verify American bills. So I used to tell. I actually got arrested for this. To be honest.
Yoni
There's no double jeopardy there.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah. So I get a lot of counterfeit bills. I buy, like, fucking lot of leather shit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I believe that you are rocking the
Yoni
leather pants, the leather jacket.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, Yeah, I did get arrested for it.
Yoni
How did they catch you?
Deshawn Johnson
I was driving. I was driving one day and, you know, I just got pulled over and they're like, deshawn, you've been wanted since October. It was like, I've been wanted for two years. And then they just arrested me and sat in a holding cell and ate crackers and, you know. Holding cell? Yeah. Canadian police are nice. I never had any bad runners with the police or anything.
Yoni
Yeah, Canadian police famously nice apologies.
Deshawn Johnson
I once shot a. In the head with a BB gun and that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
See, that's the difference between Canada and America right there. Yeah, the difference is the word BB before the gun.
Deshawn Johnson
You know what?
Tony Hinchcliffe
The only difference, it was the same up there.
Deshawn Johnson
It wasn't a BB gun. It was like, you know that. You know the guns they used to, like, put down inmates? So it's like a real gun. Oh, it was like a Sig Sawyer issued gun with like a metal pellet. And then I shot. Well, this guy was beating on my aunt, and then I. And then I shot. Shot him. Then I shot him in the head. And. And then the police came and I told him that I had a BB gun and he told me to hide it.
Yoni
The police officer told you to hide it?
Deshawn Johnson
The police told me to hide.
Yoni
Is he white or black?
Deshawn Johnson
He was white. He was white.
Yoni
Unbelievable. Look at that. Because he knew that that guy was a perp. What? He was a perp. He was a perpetrator.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He was a bad guy.
Deshawn Johnson
The.
Joe List
The.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That.
Deshawn Johnson
That beat on my aunt or. Who was the perpetrator?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
That's bad. Yes.
Deshawn Johnson
No, no, no. He was not a perpetrator at the time. He was bleeding and everything, so it was like. It was pretty. Yeah, Yeah, I was the per. But I was the perp, Tony. And yeah, I. I just. Police. And police in Canada suck. That's. That's my point.
Yoni
The per, I do believe, is the
Tony Hinchcliffe
name of the criminal in this instance,
Yoni
Perp is also the name of your favorite drink.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I think we're getting it all confused here.
Yoni
This is tricky.
Deshawn Johnson
This is tricky. Okay.
Yoni
I am tricky.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, yeah.
Yoni
Tell us more about you. You're so likable. Very, very funny. How long you been doing stand up?
Deshawn Johnson
Five months.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Five months.
Yoni
That's it. Incredible. Very, very good.
Deshawn Johnson
Thank you.
Yoni
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long are you in Austin for?
Deshawn Johnson
I just got here today.
Yoni
Okay, you got it.
Deshawn Johnson
So white.
Redban
White.
Deshawn Johnson
Oh, you got a girl with you? All right. You gotta. You got a. With you. So I'll get good. It's not good.
Yoni
Exactly. He puts his thumb in her butt sometimes.
Deshawn Johnson
Hey. Hey.
Yoni
Hell yeah. So how long you plan?
Deshawn Johnson
As long as I can. As long as I can.
Yoni
Okay. And you doing any scams while you're here?
Deshawn Johnson
Hopefully not. Hopefully I can get some sets. Hopefully I could, you know, actually do real work.
Yoni
Right.
Deshawn Johnson
And. And get better as a comic.
Yoni
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
And throw that life away, man. I want to.
Jeff Scott
I don't.
Deshawn Johnson
I don't need anything else. I have everything. I have all the fucking.
Yoni
You've been doing this for five months and you love it. You think?
Deshawn Johnson
I love this, bro. This is amazing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Deshawn Johnson
Like, this changed my life. It's really.
Yoni
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You seem like you're going to be doing this absolutely forever.
Yoni
Incredible. Joe List.
Joe List
I mean, I thought it was hilarious. For the first 30 seconds, I thought you were a bucket naked. I really did. I was like,
Deshawn Johnson
listen, I respect you and all, Joe, but I. When I'm tapped into the streets, I will. I will hire a. To stick a pipe in your ass. Dog, relax.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He eats crackers like you in his jail cell.
Joe List
Is that offensive? I'm just saying. I. I thought you were nude. That's funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Someone's not leaving with the watch. They came in with facts.
Deshawn Johnson
What kind of watch you got on?
Joe List
Holy. I don't have a watch. I'm not a watch guy. You can have my wedding ring. I don't want it anymore. Anyway. No, it was hilarious. I loved it. I think you're great.
Deshawn Johnson
Thank you, bro.
Joe List
Beat me up.
Cam Patterson
What the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He loves you. He's a big fan. He loves you so much.
Yoni
He's been smoking your thumb since he got up here.
D Madness
Oh.
Joe List
All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Okay, Johnson, what do your black parents
Yoni
do up in Toronto? How did they end up up, up there?
Deshawn Johnson
Jamaican.
Nico Casablancas
Uhhuh.
Deshawn Johnson
I'm Jamaican.
Yoni
Did they go through America? Like, how does that happen? They.
Deshawn Johnson
No, man. They just landed in Canada.
Yoni
How do you land in Toronto? You go down the river and up as a Jamaican.
Deshawn Johnson
You find a. You find a. And then you marry her. And then you're just there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Joe List
That's how my parents did it.
Nico Casablancas
Yeah.
Yoni
That's a whole different life.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
What's your love life like? You're a good looking, very charismatic.
Deshawn Johnson
I've Been. I've been fucking chast. I've been fucked over, man.
Yoni
Tell us about it, please. This sounds great.
Deshawn Johnson
I have an ex and she's a bitch.
Yoni
Why is she a bitch? What did she do to you?
Deshawn Johnson
I'll tell you this, her favorite song was that icon of pop song, I
D Madness
don't care, I love it.
Deshawn Johnson
And that, that shit is like. That shit is like the national anthem for I fuck niggas, but I'm too afraid to tell my dad. You get. I was trying to fuck my way into a white dad for years. Cause they have time for their kids and shit and boats. Last time I seen my dad, last time I talked to him, he said he was five minutes away. And that was 30 years ago.
Yoni
Wow, you are very, very funny. How did your relationship end? Did she break up with you? You broke up break up with her?
Deshawn Johnson
She a named Chuck.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, no.
Deshawn Johnson
Hi.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Megan.
Deshawn Johnson
Megan can see this you, sir?
D Madness
Yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And you know what? I'm just gonna say it because I'm with you. You Chuck?
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You son of a.
Yoni
And he did this at her place or you guys did.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You guys.
Yoni
Were you guys living together at the time? No, he accidentally put on some leather pants afterwards.
Deshawn Johnson
We weren't living together. It was.
Yoni
How'd you find out about it?
Deshawn Johnson
I went through. I went through her phone. I went through the bishop's phone. Yeah, I don't give a. I almost
Tony Hinchcliffe
did a spit take and then I
Yoni
got control of it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Then you called me the N word and I almost did another spit take. Yeah, you almost got me twice with that mouthful.
Deshawn Johnson
Went through her phone. It was crazy. I mean, what did you see?
Yoni
What did you see?
Deshawn Johnson
I saw that she saw.
Yoni
You said. She just said Chuck.
Deshawn Johnson
No, it was because I had. Oh my God. Do we have to do this right fucking.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is the shit. This is. I swear to God.
Yoni
You haven't been here, but this is
Tony Hinchcliffe
the best fucking interview of the night right now. Everybody else was scared. They didn't want to be honest. They gave me nothing to work with. This is the hardest hosting job in the world. What I do in front of a
Yoni
bunch of fucking strangers. And you're making it fun and easy.
Deshawn Johnson
I appreciate that, nigga.
Yoni
Now tell me what happened. Absolutely. It is black history month.
Deshawn Johnson
So I with white girls because they got non threatening farts.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Before we go there, I know you're
Yoni
trying to change the subject here, but I want to.
Deshawn Johnson
I want to go back, eat trail, mixing grass.
Yoni
That's true, that's true.
Deshawn Johnson
All right.
Yoni
You Know what? You know what? Favorite kind of ground meat. They love Chuck.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, so some chuck.
Yoni
Beef. Wants Chuck.
Deshawn Johnson
Now you, now you on a side.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. I'm like, what's up, Chuck?
Yoni
Okay, so you see Chuck in the phone and then what happens? What do you do? You confront her right away. Is she asleep at the time? Is she in the shower? How'd you get the. How'd you get. Phone.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah, all I can remember because I was just so enraged. She had a robe on. And I just remember a roll bar. She had a robe on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A robe on, right, Absolutely.
Deshawn Johnson
All I could remember.
Yoni
Yeah, she had a robe on.
Deshawn Johnson
All I could remember, we had just. Oh, this was. Oh, you know what? Okay, I'm remembering now.
Yoni
Yep.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow, this is a traumatizing moment. You're having Vietnam flashback right now.
Yoni
It
D Madness
come back, is that.
Deshawn Johnson
Don't do that. Don't do that. Okay, let me tell you the story. Yeah, so I'm there, I went through a phone, I went through a laptop. I went through a laptop, right? And then I seen. Oh, come over and. At like a specific time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, right.
Deshawn Johnson
And previously she had told me she had just kissed Chuck, you know, And. And I just kind of let it.
Yoni
Right?
Deshawn Johnson
Because yeah, at this point in time, dude, I was sad. I was traveling all the way back and forth. I was. It was a long distance relationship.
Yoni
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
So I was traveling all the way back, Montreal. She was in this. This shitty town called Brantford, Ontario.
Yoni
Yeah, go ahead.
Deshawn Johnson
So I had went through her iPad while she was in class because it was university at the time. And then.
Yoni
What kind of a hair does she do?
Daisy Hart
Huh?
Yoni
She was a cosmetic school.
Deshawn Johnson
She's white. She's a teacher now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, oh, I forgot she was white. That makes sense.
Yoni
A good old teacher.
Deshawn Johnson
She's. She's a teacher now.
Yoni
A teacher of things.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Go ahead.
Yoni
You are.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're doing good.
Yoni
I'm making callbacks to things from earlier
Tony Hinchcliffe
you don't know about.
Yoni
It's okay, just trust me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I like you.
Yoni
I got you.
Deshawn Johnson
Okay, okay, okay. Okay. So I had my car, nigga. What?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, go ahead. I was going back to her with the road, but now you're going to a car.
Yoni
You got your car.
Deshawn Johnson
I have my car.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Deshawn Johnson
And she's like, oh, could you pick me up from fucking. From, from class?
Yoni
Yeah, you're swerving all around the road. Yeah, go ahead.
Deshawn Johnson
I pick her up and like, I know that she had fucked Chuck. And I'm just there driving. I'm like, oh, yeah, everything's fine. Like, I'm I'm like, really? I'm. I'm psychotic. So, yeah, I'm psychotic. So I'm just driving. I'm acting like everything's normal. We get back to the house, and I say, you know, I'm. This one last time. Oh, because her one last time. That's why she had the robe on, right?
Yoni
You her one last time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We.
Deshawn Johnson
One last time. I get my leather jacket on. Yeah, I put my leather jacket on. I get up, and then I head for the door. She's like, where are you going? I said, no, I'm gone. And then I went to the car, and she ran outside in her robe. I could remember this vividly. It is very traumatic, but I'm telling you, because I'm on Kill Tony. And then I'm. Okay, cool.
Yoni
Very smart. You are the devil.
Deshawn Johnson
You let me sell my soul on this show.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're killing it, bro.
Deshawn Johnson
That's.
Yoni
You heard.
Tony Hinchcliffe
D Madness. D. Madness said trust. He's at absolutely spot on there. He knows how.
Yoni
He doesn't need to see me to know how good I am at this. He can feel it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There's an energy.
Yoni
D Madness day, by the way, is Valentine's Day. This Wednesday, he's playing at The Skylark Lounge, 6 to 8. Go ahead.
Deshawn Johnson
This is sad. I mean, that's not the first vicious horn I went through. I also.
Cam Patterson
Hold on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on a second. Finish the story.
Yoni
She comes out in the room, robe, and then you say what?
D Madness
You.
Deshawn Johnson
I'm gone.
Yoni
You didn't tell her why?
Deshawn Johnson
No, she figured out after, but I didn't tell her. I went and drove all the way back home afterwards. Yeah, we still talk to this day.
Yoni
I know you, Chuck. And she's like, you know, I don't care. I love it.
D Madness
Oh, okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. It was all set up for that.
Cam Patterson
The devil.
Casey Rocket
You're the devil.
Yoni
I was just trying to get there the whole time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love you react to my jokes how black people react to magic tricks.
Yoni
Like, you're the devil.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This guy's got demon powers. How did he get to that joke?
Yoni
How the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You'd run away right now if you knew which direction.
Deshawn Johnson
If I wasn't on Kill Tony, I would have ran out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yes.
Deshawn Johnson
Yes, I would.
Yoni
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah. I also went through another phone.
Yoni
Yeah, I'm gonna talk to you all night.
Deshawn Johnson
I drove.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I drove.
Deshawn Johnson
We went all the way to Mexico. It was her birthday, right?
Yoni
What. What is right, white lady? So you went to Mexico?
Deshawn Johnson
Went to Mexico. Everything was fine. Everything was great. You know, I'm. I'm. That so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, so me too. That's how I feel on the inside.
Deshawn Johnson
I feel the energy.
Yoni
You do.
Deshawn Johnson
Kind of feel you. Niggly not, but not full. Not full, but I feel you.
Yoni
Y. I feel you. Yep. I got two black. Black organs. My heart. No, nothing, Nothing, nothing.
Deshawn Johnson
Mexico. Yeah, right. Fucking. We're in Mexico. Having a great time, going zip lining, doing all these white activities. I've never done, like swimming and shit. So we're fucking. We're fucking in Mexico. I go through the bitch's phone. You know who she's texting? This is a great time. No, not Usher. Chuck.
D Madness
No, man.
Deshawn Johnson
She is texting the most randomest person. She's texting Marlon, Wayne's son.
Yoni
Oh, my God.
Deshawn Johnson
Sean Wayne. And this. This.
Yoni
This is a little.
Deshawn Johnson
He's like 17.
Yoni
Yeah.
Deshawn Johnson
And she's. You know what she said to him? He's like, what are you doing?
Yoni
She's.
Deshawn Johnson
He's like, what are you doing in Mexico? And she's like, oh, I'm on a girls trip.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Joe List
You.
Deshawn Johnson
Natalie.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Yoni
She's like, I'm on a girls trip. Look at all these leather pants. I swear.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Desean Johnson.
Yoni
Anything for Deshawn. Are you crazy?
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is the booking you should be doing.
Redban
No, no, I'm just saying, because of ExpressVPN, I will allow you to come to the club if you can do a five minute set Thursday.
Deshawn Johnson
Thousand percent. I'm here.
Nico Casablancas
There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Five minutes. You're booked. And the double gun. Bonsai big joke book. Welcome to the family, Deshawn Johnson. Everybod. The shit is going down. Now we're gonna get back to this. Believe it or not, DeSean, who's from Toronto, Canada, and just by complete coincidence on my lineup, there happens to be a golden ticket winner here tonight from Toronto, Canada, an absolute legend of the game. You know him from this show and of course from America's got Talent. This is the great and powerful the return of Aaron Belial, everybody. I love it. I don't care.
D Madness
Hey,
Tony Hinchcliffe
Come on, make some noise. One more time for Aaron. Lights out, Belial live here on Kill.
Yoni
Tony.
Aaron Belial
One of my first jokes was comparing myself with Stephen Hawking. But in light of the recent controversy, I want to clarify. I don't like children. The closest I've ever been to Epstein island was Chuck E. Cheese. I was just trying to steal pizza and one kid came up to me and he's like, this animatronic thing is broken. You kid. This is why I don't like you guys. I could never Keep up with all the kids running around. Hawking must have had Turbo on his chair. From now on I'm just going to compare myself to someone less problematic. Like Helen Keller. At least until we find out something like just cause she couldn't see, hear or speak didn't mean she wasn't a hansy bitch. Excuse me, Ms. Keller. My balls aren't Braille.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The great Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Right down the barrel. His own position, his own perspective. Material that only he can do.
Yoni
Another absolutely fantastic set. Aaron, how we feeling tonight? How's it going? What's shaking? Other than your left hand. Oh, oh. Oh my God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh my God. What is happening?
D Madness
That's gross.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh my God.
Yoni
Oh, that thing.
Aaron Belial
So this week is actually my one year Kill Tony anniversary. I want to try something different here. Can I be real for a sec?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on.
Yoni
Repeat that again. You don't have to type it all the way out, do you? Oh, you do.
Aaron Belial
I want to be real for a second sec.
Yoni
Yeah.
Aaron Belial
Growing up in my situation was really shitty. I wanted to be understood and nobody wanted to listen. And it made me depressed for 25 years. Then I started therapy and comedy and got on Kill Tony. And now I'm making a living having fun. People care what I have to say. And it's partly because I work 80 hours a week. Like I have eight arms. But it all started here. You're always doing what you can to help and I really appreciate that, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Damn. Don't touch me. Ever. For the rest of the history of the show.
Yoni
Don't touch me. Wow. Thank you, Aaron. That's very, very sweet of you. I mean, absolutely unbelievable. The type of love that I feel from you I really can only describe. And by typing it through a phone and having a robot voice speaking back to you,
Aaron Belial
I'm speaking the language of comedy, which turns out to be my real voice from a guy who has always wanted to be heard. Thank you. You're like the Jesus of the special needs community. Please don't die. If you die, we are all fucked.
Yoni
It is true.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Except I actually exist, unlike Jesus. But I do.
Yoni
I text with you quite often. You are one of the nicest human beings. A true Canadian. Not like that last guy that was here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you.
Yoni
Have you ever seen him do stand up? Deshawn Johnson, he's from Toronto. Funny guy. You don't remember him? The one black guy in Toronto. You were too busy crossing the other side of the street when you saw him.
Aaron Belial
They're all black dude.
Yoni
Yeah, he's like Deshawn's like, there's no way I can get the watch off
Tony Hinchcliffe
this guy's left wrist. I don't know what's going on here.
Redban
Lock down.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is more crooked than Hillary Clinton. I don't know what's going on on there.
Yoni
Is that thing reaching? Is that. Is that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is it. Is it stay the same?
Yoni
Has it always been at that angle? It's kind of going backwards. It's getting tighter.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
It seems like you're trying to grab
Tony Hinchcliffe
your own wrist right now.
Yoni
It's some type of jiu jitsu or something like that. It is absolutely incredible. The clock is about to strike 3:30 here on your left hand. Here he goes. He got my 3:30, 30 joke. That's what that was a little Canadian. There's a. There's a transaction. Currency exchange.
Aaron Belial
Can you get me a gift card for stem cells?
Tony Hinchcliffe
We might be able to actually do something.
Yoni
We are friends with the great Brigham over at ways too. Well, which actually famously injects stem cells into people and heals them rapidly and does miraculous stuff. The reason why Aaron Rod Rogers was ready for the playoffs had the jets not completely blown it is because of Austin's own ways to. Well, I would be interested to see what would happen if we injected your
Tony Hinchcliffe
wrist with stem cells. It seems like it couldn't hurt.
Yoni
That's for sure. I'm pretty sure.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm pretty sure it's not gonna get any worse.
Yoni
Is that something you'd actually want to do? Yeah. Okay, let's try it. That'll be a fun, fun episode.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Just keep some Narcan on deck and
Redban
do a GIF animation.
William Montgomery
Like.
D Madness
Hey.
Yoni
Holy the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on.
Yoni
Deshawn Johnson's inside is to get back
Tony Hinchcliffe
to his seat real quick. Look at this white guy.
Yoni
Oh, boy. It's a long walk, Aaron.
Aaron Belial
How can it get any worse? Fall off and stop getting caught on.
Yoni
That is true. Anything else crazy going on? Anything you want to promote or plug or anything like that?
Aaron Belial
I got jumped on 6th street on New Year, so I bought a taser cane online. I'm so excited to electrocute someone.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Yoni
You have a taser cane. That's a thing? So you're actually going to try to fight somebody back?
Aaron Belial
Next time someone tries to jump me, I'm going to taser them on one side until they look like me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Unbelievable.
Aaron Belial
Pretty soon, all of 6th street is gonna look like a scene from a zombie movie.
Yoni
Everybody.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. D loves it.
Yoni
Aaron, you're a freak. What else?
Aaron Belial
On the way here, a crackhead comes up to me. And this is not a joke. He says, oh, my God. Do you have the polio? No, but I have the thunder.
Yoni
What?
Redban
I don't get that one.
Yoni
Me neither. I don't. Oh, the electric cane. Okay, do you have polio?
Joe List
Well, I thought I was addicted to my phone.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I want the electric chain now.
Yoni
All right, D. Madness is out of control.
Aaron Belial
Okay, I'm pretty sure I saw Joe List Action bar play. I'm pretty sure I saw Joe List naked at the Chuck E. Cheese. Naked in the ball pit.
Yoni
Oh, you son of a. Is this true, Joe? He's ratting you out over here.
Joe List
One time.
Yoni
Okay, Aaron, if they found a way
Aaron Belial
to combine me and Joe, we might make one full person.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Holy.
Yoni
Anything else, Aaron? You're killing. You're fantastic.
Aaron Belial
You look like Caillou if he recovered from brain cancer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. You're just roasting. Joe. How dare you? Yeah, I put you out in front
Yoni
of these great comedians and you just come out and burp bridges that you
Tony Hinchcliffe
can barely walk across
Yoni
in. Absolutely incredible.
Aaron Belial
He started it.
Yoni
Look, anytime you make fun of somebody, just remember there's five fingers pointing back at you. Anything else, Aaron? For the love of.
Aaron Belial
I'm sorry. Do you want a hug?
Joe List
Sure. Is this a trick?
Yoni
All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. Absolutely.
Yoni
Absolutely adorable. Aaron Belial. Here we go. You going to plug something or promote something this weekend?
Aaron Belial
I'm going to be in Halifax, then I'm going to the Ohio area. March 21, I'm at WISE guys in Vegas and then Wichita. Come out and get your tickets.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tickets@mutecomedian.com Mutecomedian.com no doubt about it. Go see him support these gangsters that we have. Reigning, defending golden ticket winner, one of the few, the proud, an absolute lightning cane of jokes.
Yoni
One more time for the great Aaron Belial, everybody. We are. We started a little late.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Daisy Hart, everybody. Daisy Hart.
Daisy Hart
Hi, everybody. I'm Daisy, the world's worst Asian. I'm allergic to shellfish, so no Susie Daisy for me. I also delivered my first baby at 18. I'm Asian. I already ruined that one. I was gonna say I'm not actually a Mexican since I delivered at 18. It was an emergency delivery for one of my friends. And I made the horrible life decision of becoming a nurse that night because I delivered a super premium baby. And, you know, 10 years later, lots of trauma later, I learned through therapy that, you know, I can try to make a joke about my life and hope that it comes out funny. But looking at your face, it's not coming out funny tonight. But also I had some one liners, like guys that do yoga. Are you guys able to suck your own dicks? Because I'd really love to learn how to do that so I can increase my hyper. My hyper independence, as my Uber driver told me it's called. But my doctor says it's really just a control freak issue. So that's why I like to do things where I'm in control, like making boys into sissies. So there we go.
Yoni
Okay, Daisy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Art. Welcome, welcome.
Yoni
I love it. Treating this like a true therapy session up here.
Daisy Hart
You know, free therapy for the week. I had to skip last week.
Yoni
Okay. Hi, Daisy. How long you been doing standup?
Daisy Hart
I actually have only done, like a burlesque comedy, like, sexy story thing at Poor Choices one time, like last year.
Yoni
Okay, what made you want to come here where there's millions of viewers with no real practice?
Daisy Hart
Well, I did actually practice and, like, totally forgot everything whenever I got out here, which is just kind of like my little sixth grade talent show where we came out with no microphones and tried to sing. So it's like reliving that trauma all over again. But no, that's totally fine.
Yoni
Okay. A lot of trauma. You big. You have big crazy eyes, Daisy, tell us more about you.
Daisy Hart
I have very big eyes for Asian, you know?
Yoni
Are you really Asian? Are you sure?
Daisy Hart
I'm a first generation American.
Yoni
What kind of Asian are you?
Daisy Hart
Filipino. So the Mexican of Asian.
Yoni
How Filipino are you?
Joe List
Half.
Yoni
And what's the other half?
Daisy Hart
Portuguese, which I hear is the cause of slavery. So I learned that this year.
Yoni
A lot of sad, fun facts.
Daisy Hart
Sorry. Yeah.
Yoni
Jo List, what do you think about. About Daisy here?
Joe List
Well, she forgot her act and I wish I could also.
Daisy Hart
I apologize. I really hope that it would be better, but I came with a friend for both of our first times and didn't think that both of us would get on here. Like, I thought once he got on, like, I was like, in the.
Yoni
Your friend also got on?
Daisy Hart
Yeah.
Yoni
Who was your friend?
Daisy Hart
Roy Mendoza.
Yoni
Oh, jeez.
Daisy Hart
Was that bad? I told him to practice.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, I'll tell you, you did exactly as good as he did.
Daisy Hart
Oh, exactly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did he tell you?
Yoni
Did you guys get to talk in between this?
Daisy Hart
No.
Yoni
Oh, you don't know? He's retired for life.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I. I literally retired.
Yoni
He. We retired.
Daisy Hart
He's the drummer at church forever for him.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that what he was?
Yoni
That's how you know him?
Daisy Hart
No, not through church. I know him through, like a. Insurance sales Job, which is even worse.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. It's all real.
Yoni
This is. Is incredible.
Daisy Hart
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is a. This is the story of an evening.
Yoni
200 people sign up, and you two
Tony Hinchcliffe
get pulled out of this goddamn.
Daisy Hart
I know. I really thought I had, like, other jokes saved up, but.
Yoni
Do you have other jokes? Are you remembering them now?
Daisy Hart
Not now that I'm looking at your face. No, my face is. I mean, a lot of my jokes are, like, about turning boys into sissies.
Yoni
And why. Why do you do that? That in real life?
Daisy Hart
I mean, I really want to, like.
Yoni
Let's talk about your real life.
Daisy Hart
My real life. So I, like, tend to turn boys into that point where they question their sexuality.
Yoni
You know, I could kind of see why.
Daisy Hart
Yeah. I mean, I'm a little bit masculine for being a girl.
Yoni
What's masculine about you?
Daisy Hart
I don't. Just my vibe, maybe. Hopefully.
Yoni
Maybe. Hopefully. You think so?
Daisy Hart
I'm super confident about that, as you can tell. Yeah.
Yoni
Where do you live?
Daisy Hart
Here in Austin.
Yoni
And you think you're masculine?
Daisy Hart
I mean, for a girl? Like, I'm not as girly as girly girls. I'm not good at girls stuff.
Yoni
That's what every girl says.
Daisy Hart
I mean, some girls say that some girls are good at it. You know, they can contour and, like, make themselves look like a completely different person. But I at least, like, look the same when I take my makeup off.
Yoni
So when you take your makeup off. Okay. You look the same?
Daisy Hart
Pretty much the same.
Yoni
What do you look like with. Without glasses?
Daisy Hart
Like this.
Yoni
Okay. All right.
Daisy Hart
Like, I can see less? A little bit.
Yoni
Okay. Yeah, you definitely don't look.
Daisy Hart
You look better. No, I'm just kidding. You look great.
Yoni
That was a good one.
Daisy Hart
You look very.
Yoni
Almost got a laugh there. You got a O. But it was close.
Tony Hinchcliffe
At least it was some kind of a reaction a little bit.
Yoni
That's good. You're getting closer to being compelling, Daisy. So you're allergic to shellfish? You had to help a chick have a baby when you were 18?
Daisy Hart
Yeah.
Yoni
Okay.
Daisy Hart
I didn't mean to say, like, I delivered it with a clothes hanger, but.
Yoni
And you want to learn how to
Tony Hinchcliffe
suck your own dick?
Daisy Hart
I mean, if I had a dick, I would definitely want to learn how to suck it. I feel like it'd be very efficient that way.
Redban
Seems like you want one.
Daisy Hart
I do. I actually, I've tried a few on, you know, with the strap on sets, you get to pick your own.
Yoni
So you've been with a woman before?
Deshawn Johnson
Yeah.
Yoni
You enjoy that more than being with a man?
Daisy Hart
I'm 50. 50.
Nico Casablancas
I'm.
Daisy Hart
I'm very in the unicorn land of people.
Yoni
Old, are you?
Daisy Hart
How old do I look?
Yoni
40.
Daisy Hart
40. I always tell people I'm 40. Do I really look 40? Yeah, it's both.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's your eyes.
Redban
It's your eyes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You've seen a lot with those eyes.
Daisy Hart
I have seen a lot. I was. I was forced into like childhood nursing slavery at like 5. So.
Yoni
What do you mean by that? Is that true?
Daisy Hart
Yeah, my parents had a care home, so like, I worked with old people like the whole beginning of my life. And then I've been a nurse the whole rest of my life. Life since then. So.
Joe List
I'm tired. Yeah.
Daisy Hart
Yeah, I'm tired too. Like, I could take an eternal sleep.
Yoni
Whatever trauma that you've suffered is like airborne.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You carry it with you. It's contagious.
Daisy Hart
I was really hoping that I had to, like, healed enough to come out and make it funny and then, like, you know, have a good time with it.
Yoni
You ruined. You're having a good time.
Redban
She ruined my Asian fetish. Like, I. I'm not.
Daisy Hart
I mean, it's a good thing you're getting married, though. You found one. So you tricked her into it.
Yoni
Look, she knows her stuff. You are right. You tricked her into it.
Redban
All that money.
Yoni
Daisy, anything interesting about your life before we let you go?
Daisy Hart
I've done a lot of awake liposuction and tummy tucks, so that's really fun.
Yoni
What do you mean you've done that?
Daisy Hart
I worked for a company that does. You know, I've worked in. Worked in surgery before as a nurse, so. But I didn't realize when I did my interview that our company does the.
Yoni
Isn't it weird when you're doing surgery and you, you're the one in the corner that just keeps cutting herself?
Daisy Hart
I. I mean, I didn't really cut myself too much. I'm scared of my own blood.
Yoni
You're scared?
Daisy Hart
But I'm really good at cutting people's tummies.
Yoni
Really? They would let you do that?
Daisy Hart
I mean, they let you with a cauterizer. You know, you do tummy tucks and get rid of all that extra skin that the girls get after they have all the babies.
Yoni
You. They would let you?
Daisy Hart
Well, me and the doctors. So, you know, the doctors that are like the surgeons that are okay with you, you know, doing more, they let you do a little bit more because they're training you. So, I mean, you're just cutting off skin that's going to go in the garbage. Anyways, so.
Yoni
Right. Okay, Daisy. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, very, very interesting.
Daisy Hart
Something more scary than can you catch.
Tony Hinchcliffe
See if you catch like a boy. You think you're so manly.
Yoni
Put your glasses on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't want you to. I don't know if that's going to
Daisy Hart
make it any better. I'm still Asian.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're so manly for a girl. Here comes the joke book I could just have. Not fair. Just kidding. There she goes. Daisy heart, everybody. Daisy heart.
Yoni
Poof.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yikes. Okay, your final bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Cody Odell, everyone. Cody Odell.
Yoni
Here he is. Cody Odell, everybody.
Cody Odell
How's it going, guys?
Brendan Higgins
Do I just.
Cody Odell
I just start, I guess I've never done this. How's it going, guys? I was listening to this podcast, and this guy was like, these only fans. Women aren't these only fans. Girls aren't traditional women. Right. I was like, this guy's clearly never heard of the oldest job in the world. Clearly have never heard of the oldest job in the world. Have you?
D Madness
Hey.
Cody Odell
Of girls are traditional, Right? All right.
Yoni
I've been looking for an apartment.
Cody Odell
I've been looking for an apartment, and I saw a listing, and it said the walls were painted agreeable gray. And I have a problem with that. You know, like, we don't even agree on how to spell gray.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Cody Odell
Some people spell it G, R, E, Y, Right, and other people spell it wrong. Right, Exactly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There it is. The absolute maximum amount of time for Cody Odell. Cody, how do you feel right now?
Cody Odell
Now I feel like I did. I could have done better.
Tony Hinchcliffe
But, you know, that's an honest answer. That's an honest answer. I could have done better.
Yoni
Cody, how long you been doing stand up?
Cody Odell
14 years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What do you mean?
Yoni
What do you mean you've been doing
Tony Hinchcliffe
it for 14 years?
Cody Odell
I did my first Cap City open Mike in, like, 2010. I mean, I've been around. I lived in New York for a while, came back. I know I'm a musician mostly before I did comedy.
Yoni
Okay.
Cody Odell
And then my band quit, So I just.
Yoni
14 years in the game. Joe, you ever seen Cody Odell up there in New York?
Joe List
No, I've never seen Cody before. I'm interested that your whole band quit. That's. I got. I'm not. I don't. I don't like to be mean. I'm not a mean guy, but that's literally the worst standup set I've ever seen ever.
Deshawn Johnson
From a.
Cody Odell
From a bad person in a bad fan or just.
Joe List
No, no. Any person.
Yoni
No, Any person.
Joe List
That was tremendously bad.
Yoni
Damn, that was.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love.
Joe List
I mean, I don't know if I could try to be that bad and succeed.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Joe's like, I'm not good at being mean, but watch this.
Joe List
That was really wild.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love that reaction.
Yoni
Joe, that might be one of my
Tony Hinchcliffe
favorite reactions to anybody doing anything ever. Like, you're literally like, I've never seen it before. Like, you're cracking up. It was unbelievable.
Yoni
Cody, I think I've seen you around town playing music. What do you, what do you do musically?
Cody Odell
I'm a drummer and vocalist.
Yoni
You're a vocalist? Okay. Can we do like a song that you can do? A song that these guys can do?
Cody Odell
We can do what, Sir Duke, if you guys want to do.
Yoni
This is going to be one of those moments where you realize this guy should never try stand up again.
Joe List
I'm excited. This is one of my favorite songs. I'm excited.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Can we, can we make a deal
Yoni
real quick before we do this? Because I could tell this is going to kill.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm going to do the opposite because I am in full control and the
Yoni
creator of the show. I want to do the opposite of what we did with Roy Mendoza. I think that if you do great, you should retire from stand up comedy. Do we have a deal? Can we possibly retire you from stand up here?
Cody Odell
I was literally sitting over here in this, in this bar and I was thinking, like, I sold out the love of my life for comedy. And then I came in here and this was, no, no, it's fine.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't like, I'm just like, hold on, Cody.
Cody Odell
So I got to do it. I guess it's like infected me.
Yoni
Stick with me here. When you say you sold out the love of your life for comedy, what exactly do you mean? Because I think it's the only thing you've. You're ever going to sell out in your entire life.
Cody Odell
I just, just like pursuing comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I did it, like, because of that.
Cody Odell
Well, I just, I became an asshole. So I ruined the relationship. How does an asshole, you know, going out till like 4 o' clock in the morning in New York City, getting fucked up and wow. I quit drinking like almost two years ago, so.
Yoni
So it's something you'll never stop doing is stand up comedy.
Cody Odell
I'm going to do it because I love it. I like, I don't care if I make it. Like, in a sense, I know I'm funny. I may have not had a good set tonight, but.
Deshawn Johnson
Right.
Cody Odell
There's been people that have had a great Set and they're fun suck. So you guys are great. I love you all. Thank you. But yeah, I mean, it's so.
William Montgomery
Yeah, I've done it.
Cody Odell
To not get bad on one set. Although this.
Yoni
Hold on, Cody, stick with me here. I don't want you to have a
Tony Hinchcliffe
mental breakdown live in front of a million people. I'm gonna help you through this. When you say there's people that have had a great set and then they suck, you mean, like, they only have
Yoni
a minute of good material, and then they come back and they. It gets rougher.
Cody Odell
I'm saying, like, I've seen somebody do it for, like, four months and murder a room, but then I've seen somebody, you know, do it for a long period of time, and Blake might just not have a good set, you know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Cody Odell
Kind of how it goes.
Redban
Worst set Joe has ever seen in his life.
Cody Odell
Yeah, that's. That's crazy. I like you must not have been a very many open mics.
Yoni
14 years. 14 years in the game. Was that a newer minute? The gray.
Cody Odell
That's a newer minute for sure.
Yoni
Okay, how about this? How about we do 14 years? Your best, most effective joke you've ever written in 14 years. Here it is, ladies and gentlemen. 14.
Tony Hinchcliffe
14 years. This is the best joke ever from Cody Odell.
Cody Odell
I think Disney ruined relationships just because they set the bar too high. You know, I just. Like, I. Am I. Guys, Am I right? I mean, like, do anybody have a castle here? Like, the beast? Even he was a mutant. He had an enchanted castle.
Eric Jordan
Right?
Cody Odell
Like, of course she's not gonna be satisfied with my one bed, one bath. Like, yeah, exactly. No, it's. I'm not taking a girl on a magic carpet ride. Like, maybe a magic Kia ride. Just be like, I can show you a mortgage. Shining, shimmering interest. Tell me, princess, now when did you last let's all someone co. Sign.
D Madness
A whole new loan?
Yoni
A dazzling rate you never knew. No one to tell us no. You need collateral. That's the end of this joke.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. That's better than the first minute. Let's end it with a song. A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.
D Madness
Music is a whirlwind sound web language we all understand they can feel it all. They can feel it all the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Okay. Cody Odell, honestly, before, I thought you should retire from stand up and be a musician.
Yoni
Now I think you should retire from both.
Tony Hinchcliffe
But here you go with a little joke book. There he goes. Cody o', Dell, ladies and gentlemen These musicians, something else. Go to matthewtm.org check out Matt Muling's new single. And go to john d's.bandcamp.com check out his whole repertoire of music. There again, D. Madness Day is Valentine's Day.
Yoni
Check them out at the Skylark Lounge, six to eight. All right. Jesus Christ.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The last two bucket pools.
Yoni
I'm sure there's a few, few people watching online that have killed themselves and
Tony Hinchcliffe
won't even get to see the final comedian of the night. He's a legend, everybody. He is the only.
Yoni
Actually, he's not.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We have two living members of the hall of Fame now. David Lucas has also joined the fray. But this man, record for most. Most sets, most interviews, most everything. Some people call him the Sultan of San Antonio. The Duke of Davenport Court, the Islander
Yoni
of the British Isles.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The Tijuana Tornado, the Des Moines Drowning.
Joe List
Dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ladies and gentlemen, the Memphis Strangler, the Big Red Machine. The one and only William Montgomery, everybody.
William Montgomery
I just would like to first off say, Cody, the singing wasn't that much better, you fucking idiot. And I swear to God, I felt a little threatened when he was like, oh, some people have good minutes. I'm thinking, dude, fuck it, kill yourself.
Yoni
Okay?
William Montgomery
They recently found three Chiefs fans frozen to death and their buddies back here yard. Apparently, right before they died, one of them said, wouldn't it be cool if we watched the super bowl with Toby Keith? They're in hell. I'm insinuating they're in hell.
Joe List
Okay,
William Montgomery
real quick, housekeeping note. If anybody finds a Tamagotchi pet lying around, please return to red band. He was gonna feed it, but he was too hungry and it fell out of his pocket. Knuckles from the Sonic Universe is getting a standalone film. Not to be outdone, Kirby from the Nintendo Universe is getting a standalone. Only fans. Apparently, Kirby has a special talent that I had to see to believe. And, yeah, it's true. Kirby swallows that whole. Okay, that's my time. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. 1 minute, 15 seconds from the legend, the man that's done it more than
Yoni
anyone ever has in the history of the show, the Big Red Machine, William Lights Out Montgomery.
William Montgomery
Yeah, I mean, I would honestly like to see that piece of shit Cody
Tony
try to do this fucking week in
William Montgomery
and week out, just by his stinky fucking attitude. Tony, I swear to God, right off the bat, it's like. Like he thinks he could. Dude, you could never do this, you piece of. I'm back there getting way too high. I hear that idiot come up on the stage. I'm Literally worried about Tama, the Tamagotchi
Tony
pet from Red Band. That's all I'm thinking about. Okay.
Yoni
He kind of did have a terrible attitude. That part did stand out to me, where he goes, some people have a good set and then they suck. Like, it's like, well, yeah, but you want to have more good sets than bad sets.
Jeff Scott
But yeah, it's like, do the math, you dumbass.
William Montgomery
Like, seriously, it's these delusional weirdos in this place.
Yoni
I love it. Oh, your mustache blew up just then. You could do that. It almost blew off. That's incredible. I didn't know you could do that. That's a.
William Montgomery
Well, it was actually a $400 surgery
Tony
I got this past Thursday.
Yoni
Tony, what did they do exactly?
William Montgomery
They added more hair. They got from the back of my head kind of back here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yoni
Where there's hair. Yeah.
William Montgomery
And yeah, they did an implant. They started out.
Tony
I'm thinking about implants on the top of my head. Tony. I was actually.
Yoni
Have you thought about perhaps taking some of your beard hairs and putting them on the top?
William Montgomery
Tony, I look like a black person. They're all frizzy.
D Madness
Ah, Move on.
Yoni
Aboard. Aboard.
William Montgomery
Ah, no.
Eric Jordan
But yeah.
William Montgomery
Tony, I don't think it could work.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That mustache is flying every which direction tonight. It is amazing that we have done
Yoni
this publicly for so many years. And every week you find new things.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This mustache thing is killing me.
William Montgomery
You don't think it's funny, you fucking idiot. I've been looking at you this whole fucking time. You seem like a real weird weirdo. Oh, I see your nasty. Look at Slotson right beside you now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know who that is?
Yoni
That's the great actor Edward Norton right there. I don't know if you know that. He was the Incredible Hulk.
D Madness
Holy.
Yoni
Yeah, it's a star studded audience. The great Matthew McConaughey is watching from the. From the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Don't look, you idiot. I'm this white trash return. The Matthew McConaughey. Even know he was there, you idiot? Shut up.
Yoni
There's a. It's a star studded audience. A lot of. A lot of. A lot of hip people been getting into Kill Tony lately.
Tony
Yeah, I actually got a letter. Tony brings that up because I got a letter from the founder of Vitamix.
Yoni
He.
Tony
He's a really nice old man these days. But yeah, he wants me to be their new sponsor. Not to bring it up because of the sponsor sponsorship, but yeah, the vitamin. I mean, it's like the dude, he's a legend.
William Montgomery
I grew up Tony I started.
Tony
I did this weird thing when I was in Salt Lake City. I started buying coins on an infomercial.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, God. No.
William Montgomery
I swear to God. Now I bought 500 worth of coins,
Tony
and if I sell each one individually, they're gonna make me $2,000. I got a couple of them. I spent a thousand dollars. I have.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How many?
Tony
4,000.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How much did you spend on the
Yoni
$500 worth of coins
Tony
with T? I don't know. I mean, I ended.
William Montgomery
I spent 1500.
Yoni
You spent $1500 on $500 worth of coin?
William Montgomery
If I sell.
Tony
No, it's worth.
William Montgomery
I bought two packs.
Tony
It was worth 4,000. So I'm looking at tripling my money.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Yoni
And you're. You plan on doing this coin by coin, perhaps to audience members. What's your plan of executing this exactly?
Tony
I don't know. I got to figure it out. I. I did just recently start. I've been a big ebay lurker for many years, and I'm finally starting to make my presence known on ebay. I'm posting everything. I'm doing these pictures of these coins. I started drawing as well. Tony. I've gotten really good at drawing the Kennedy half dollars. I have so many half dollars that are about to be on the market on my ebay site. But you can't. Honestly, I have an ebay site. I'm really. I might. I don't know. I might have to hang all this up.
Yoni
Where can people find your ebay site at
Tony
Williams Coins? On ebay, just Williams Coins is my show.
Yoni
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There's going to be a lot of
Yoni
people looking up Williams coins.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I implore you in the next three weeks to actually build that ebay. The way you looked at me made
Yoni
me think that you may have been kidding, and I took it a little serious.
Joe List
Yeah.
Tony
Did you think that was funny? Edward Norton, you idiot.
William Montgomery
I hated you in the Hulk, you dumbass. Why did you have to destroy?
Tony
Destroy?
D Madness
Yeah.
Yoni
Oh, I have bad news.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There actually is a Williams coins already 24,000 items sold. 534 followers. And bad news. They have much better coins than you have. Than you are, Tony.
William Montgomery
That is my actual ebay site. I wanted to get it out tonight. I have been selling coins on ebay for the past, yeah, 10 years. So I was trying to think of a creative way to get it out there. But yes, that is.
Tony
Actually, I've made a lot of money on that, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Yoni
That is incredible. I had no idea about this coin business. I'm always finding out new. Very interesting. Intriguing Things about you, such a compelling subject. You were out last week with a sinus infection. Would you like to tell us about that?
D Madness
I was.
Tony
I'm gonna be honest with y'.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All.
Tony
At the very beginning, I was just. I can always tell I'm starting to get sick when I just start getting so hungry. I just. I have this insane appetite.
Yoni
I just start.
Tony
I'm so starving. Just walking around the apartment, just look at. I'm like, what, do I have macaroni in here? What do I have? I got macaroni. But hold on. Where's the milk in here? And then it's like, wait, I got the milk. Do I have the butter in this play? And then I just get so starving, Tony. And I have to start walking around.
William Montgomery
And then I start eating peanut butter crackers.
Tony
And I'm like, yeah, sure enough, I got a sinus infection, my throat. I'm coughing every. Everywhere. I'm eating peanut butter crackers everywhere.
William Montgomery
I'm waiting to call your ass, Tony.
Tony
And I'm scared to death. I'm gonna think Tony's gonna be so angry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You didn't wait till the last minute. You waited till about 20 minutes before
Yoni
the show started last week to let me know. You were really stalling.
Tony
I was. And hold on. Why was that so funny?
William Montgomery
I always like you, Michael, but why was that so funny?
Yoni
That was fun, but, yeah.
William Montgomery
No, I honestly was sick. Sick, Tony. I swear I was sick.
Yoni
I believe you, okay? And now I'm starting to not believe you, though I did believe you, but now you. The way you're telling me.
Tony
Promise. I was.
Yoni
Tell us some more of your symptoms. What kind of symptoms did you.
Tony
Well, it's horrible. I started playing the Last of Us 2 remaster again.
William Montgomery
And they have this new game mode. No, Tony. I started having these horrible nightmares. We have this plant situated in the bedroom, and it looks like somebody's head. And I wake up and I think there's zombies in there. And the first time it happened, I said, oh, hello.
Yoni
What were you eating at the time?
William Montgomery
My girlfriend was like, why would you. It's a zombie. You probably shouldn't.
Yoni
What were you. What were you eating when you were playing these games? Rattle off some food for us.
William Montgomery
You know, I was eating that macaroni attack. You know, I thought, I eat a macaroni.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's macaroni and cheese for those of you that don't understand.
William Montgomery
And prunes. The prunes have been helping my bowel movements, Tony. I took a shit today. There was, I swear to God, three feet long. I had to get it out of the water to get my tape measure out. I had to figure out how to use the tape measure to measure it because the is so floppy. So then I had to tape measure that. Tony. It was nasty. And there's everywhere. And I'm trying another puzzle tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What's on the puzzle this week?
Yoni
What type of.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, the mustache almost blew completely off on that one. What kind of puzzle are you doing this week?
William Montgomery
It's weirdly enough. It's a bunch of Jewish people that look like him. It's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow. Spotted again.
William Montgomery
Yeah, it's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
William Montgomery
Oh, my gosh. Are you a gentile? You're jewish as well?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, cool. Wow. That almost. That almost hit the ceiling on that one. The mustache is climbing the walls.
Yoni
All right, all right, hold on a second. Let's hold on a second here. William, what are you passionate about this week before we let you go? Joe, you've seen William before. What'd you think about this performance?
Joe List
Many times. I loved it.
William Montgomery
Tell me straight.
Joe List
No, I loved it. I'm still around.
William Montgomery
Tell me what you think.
Joe List
I'm still rattled from the last guy. I'm not gonna sleep. I feel terrible.
Yoni
It is incredible.
Tony
No, he asked you a question about what you thought about my set.
Joe List
I know.
Tony
I don't really give a About that idiot before me. He answered Tony's question.
Joe List
I thought the set was lights out killer.
William Montgomery
You don't believe that.
Tony
It's really. I don't believe you.
Joe List
So.
Tony
And that's fine. Everybody's allowed to have their own opinions.
Joe List
No, I loved it. I still love it. Still going. Yeah,
Yoni
it is true. And to think right now, Cody o' dell is walking down the street, probably with his hands in his pockets, pretending like nothing went wrong tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Rationalizing, like, yeah, I had a bad set this time, But I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna show them.
Yoni
Because when they see some other jokes that I've written over the last 14
Tony Hinchcliffe
years, you know, that.
Yoni
That relationships be like Disney world was just the tip of the ice. Iceberg. The tip of the spear.
Jeff Scott
Yeah.
Tony
I mean, he's got a lot of promise. If he just sticks with it, I think he really could turn it around. I mean, it's 14 years. Whatever. Rean's doing it, what, 20 years and he's still.
Joe List
Ah, What are we going to hear
William Montgomery
about the dolphin again? You dumbass. I'm kidding. I love you, red A.
Yoni
They love each other, Red band. You want to tell them that you love him too?
Redban
I love you.
William Montgomery
I love you.
Nico Casablancas
Too.
Yoni
Oh my God, what a magical moment. I feel like Red band's about to propose again.
Redban
All right, you know.
Yoni
Oh, look at this, look at this. All right, William, anything else before we let you go? Anything you want to promote or anything like that?
Casey Rocket
Just play.
Tony
Everybody is so sweet. Anybody's ever gotten a cameo. So sweet. Tony, we are it. I am balls deep in those right now. That's. Honestly, I was so scared about getting the sign is. It's Valentine's Day. Been doing a bunch of you happy Valentine's Day's messages to people. It's been a whole lot of fun and I greatly appreciate it. But it starts turning into my biggest nightmare when it seems like every thing that comes out of my mouth. Okay. I don't know where I was going.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Yoni
Aboard Abor.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where are your tickets on sale?
Yoni
You have some up upcoming tour dates, correct?
Tony
Yeah, you can just find it on my Instagram. Yes. Going to a number of places. Very excited.
Yoni
Find it on his Instagram.
William Montgomery
Find it on my Instagram.
Tony
I don't know. I need somebody to help me build a website. I mean, I gave some fucking idiot $20,000 like four years ago and worth
Yoni
of coins or actual money or.
Tony
No, it was actually money. It was travelers checks. And he was like. So now he has my domain name. I was trying to get William Montgomery. Comedy is turning into a. I'm about to sue his ass.
Joe List
It wasn't Deshawn. Was.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Could have been.
Yoni
We never found out what his actual scam was. But I will tell you this, my friend, it's an easy to build website. If you just take the one simple step of going to Squarespace.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The one that begins with squ would
Yoni
be that one red band.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh my God.
Yoni
And using the simple promo code, which this is back when it was kind of hard to find. Fine on the thing. Cuz they used to send the whole goddamn thing.
Tony
But yeah, I've so appreciated all the cameo messages. Oh my gosh.
Yoni
There it is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tony.
Yoni
The promo code. Tony, go to squarespace.com 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Tony
A bunch.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Yoni
William. Anything you're passionate about.
William Montgomery
Yeah, I've been.
Yoni
You're going to eat some Mac and cheese when you get home? Maybe. Yeah, I'll probably.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Tony
I gotta heat up the oven. The microwave stop working on your microwave Stopped working.
William Montgomery
Yeah, Tony.
Tony
I mean, I'm having a really bad day today. Yeah, it's fucking. I'm trying to heat up my eggs earlier in the microwave when I wake up.
Yoni
Have you ever thought about boiling the noodles for your macaroni and cheese, Man,
D Madness
I ain't never get up on the noodles.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There he goes. William Montgomery, everybody.
Joe List
We did it again.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Joe List. Tell us you have dates coming up. Joe List.
Yoni
What's the website?
Joe List
Comedian joelist.com?
Tony Hinchcliffe
yes.
Yoni
Comedian joelist.com. he's on tour everywhere.
Joe List
Your special is three specials on YouTube. They're all there. You can go see them all.
Yoni
It's all under Joe List.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Comedy.
Joe List
Absolutely. Yep.
Yoni
There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How about one more time for the great Joe List? Come on. The drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in. It's fucking awesome. He draws every episode while the show happens. Ryanjebel.com let's see what Chris Rogers drew up.
Daisy Hart
Whoa.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The newest member of the regime, Casey Rocket with the crab claws. That's an instant classic, guys. They're gonna play us out. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Michael Gonzalez, D Madness, John Dees and Matt Muhling. Thank you to all of our sponsors. Gel Blaster, Yellow Rose, Red Rose, cm,
Yoni
Smokehouse Austin, Security Guard Service, Ninja Box Hall Law Firm and Connect Mobile Health.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Red Band, San Diego.
Redban
Check out me and Casey Rocket and a couple other people in July. American Comedy code dot com.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody.
D Madness
Sam.
Sunset Strip Promo
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
D Madness
Sam.
Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe | Co-Host: Brian Redban
Special Guest: Joe List
This episode of Kill Tony features New York comedian Joe List as the guest, joining hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban, plus the show’s regulars and house band. True to Kill Tony tradition, aspiring comedians—including first-timers and regular performers—draw names from the bucket to perform a raw 60-second set before being roasted or mentored by the panel. This particular episode is packed with playful brutality, contrasting comic styles, deeply personal stories, and the live chaos that defines the show.
[03:55–04:55]
Notable Quote:
“I might bring in homeless people if no one comes.”
— Joe List ([05:41])
[07:17–08:00]
[08:42–16:01]
Memorable Exchange:
“I go to Walgreens… my picture budget is through the fucking roof.”—Casey Rocket ([12:14])
Panel gifts him a $200 Walgreens card, leading to an emotional, mock-touching moment.
Notable moment:
Panel draws out Nico’s “best joke” on the spot, leading to a harsh critique but instructive feedback.
[49:49–56:27]
Best Interview of the Night:
“This is the best fucking interview of the night right now. Everybody else was scared, they didn’t want to be honest. They gave me nothing to work with. This is the hardest hosting job in the world—what I do in front of fucking strangers. And you’re making it fun and easy.”
— Tony Hinchcliffe ([76:00])
[111:15–126:34]
Casey Rocket (on receiving Walgreens gift card):
“When I was a kid, my dad said, titty boy lacroix… he said, what do you want when you grow up? And I said, $200 to Walgreens… to print out pictures of Terry Bradshaw.” ([14:23])
Joe List (on New York comedy scene):
“You have to, like, do well to get paid spots. It’s a little up. You gotta write and then do the stuff and have it get laughs every night. And then you get spots in exchange for money.” ([29:00])
Tony (on bucket pulls):
“Any one of these bucket pools could be the future of the show. Or it could be a completely mentally ill person who is threatening and dangerous to the core. Anything can happen.” ([16:32])
Deshawn Johnson (on relationship betrayal):
“Last time I talked to him, he said he was five minutes away. And that was 30 years ago.” ([74:41])
This Kill Tony episode captures the wild ups and downs of a legendary live comedy experiment: established comics like Joe List rub shoulders with raw newcomers, regulars dazzle with polish, and a few open-mic hopefuls crash and burn before a famously unforgiving—yet attentive—audience and panel.
Highlights include Casey Rocket’s ascension and tearful Walgreens bit, Joe List’s honest mentorship, a wild extended interview with Deshawn Johnson about heartbreak, scams, and surviving, and earnest moments from special-needs standout Aaron Belial. It’s a masterclass in the chaos, heart, and brutality that make Kill Tony the world’s #1 live comedy podcast.