#656 - MARK NORMAND + DAN SODER

Summary

Kill Tony #656 with Mark Normand & Dan Soder

Date: March 26, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX

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Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony brings together hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban with elite guest comedians Mark Normand and Dan Soder. Filmed before a packed crowd in Austin, the episode showcases a dynamic roster of up-and-coming and established comics drawn from the show's legendary bucket. Regulars, newcomers, and hall-of-famers hit the stage for 60-second sets, with classic Kill Tony candid interviews, roasts, and nonstop riffing. The show is packed with memorable stories—sobriety confessions, wild sexcapades, brushes with the law, and more—as well as a surprise birthday celebration and special appearances by David Lucas and David Jolly.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Opening & Guest Introductions

• (00:44–06:00)
  • Tony Hinchcliffe hypes up the crowd, introduces the band, and brings in guests Mark Normand and Dan Soder, calling them “two of the funniest, New York’s finest.”
  • Heidi and Jet Ski Johnson are introduced, bringing “feminine energy” and sharp comic timing.
  • Memorable riff: On Heidi’s confusing Instagram handle:
    • Mark Norman (04:39): “It’s like a tough WiFi password.”
    • Dan Soder: “I’ve been calling her Gina all night.”

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2. Regular Sets & Banter

Casey Rocket (First Regular)

• (07:12–13:11)
  • High-energy absurdist riffs (e.g., “I’m pregnant,” “Nights like this I wish I was still covered in mud…”)
  • Banter about sobriety:
    Mark Norman (10:27): “Damn, dude, that must have been a wild ride when you weren’t.” Casey Rocket: “There’s some residual stuff going on for sure… upstairs.”
  • Confesses to huffing ether, “Hillary Duff huff… there’s a demographic for huffing.”
  • Sober for years, not religious: “Thought it was from God.”
  • Story about a fan passing out from edibles at his show: “Had to do a riff resurrection.”
  • Timestamps:
    • Riffing sobriety: (10:15–11:29)
    • Religious discussion: (11:18–12:06)

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Raul Sanchez (First Bucket Pull)

• (13:51–21:31)
  • Wry bit about drinking and highway confusion, procuring Advil from condom machines.
  • Authentic interview: Mexican-American, Army vet, disabled via VA, former cocaine user.
  • Banter plays on, then subverts, Latino stereotypes and military stories.
  • Admits to coming into the US illegally as a child, then joining the Army.
    Tony Hinchcliffe (19:39): “You came here illegally and just joined the Army. See, that’s fair.”
  • Timestamps:
    • Army/cocaine confession: (16:38–21:31)
    • On addiction ending:
      Mark Norman (21:33): “A natural end to an addiction.”

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Pamela Galvez

• (23:43–30:59)
  • Wild, candid set about pegging and plans to open a “pegging gym for women.”
  • Sheila, Dominican RN, open about bisexual ex, heart surgery, and disability.
  • Discussion on taboo topics, ethnicity, and breakups:
    • Mark Norman: “Peg Bundy—how many times have you done it?”
    • Pamela: “Five times. It was amazing.”
  • Dan Soder (28:55): “Anyone else hard, excuse me?”
  • Breakup on Valentine’s Day after 3.5 years because she was “too crazy.”
  • Timestamps:
    • Pegging riff: (23:43–25:47)
    • Heart surgery: (27:27–28:07)
    • Relationship talk: (29:38–30:59)

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JP Hinsdale

• (31:37–47:54)
  • Set about day strip club visits and self-effacing humor.
  • Heartfelt about Kill Tony changing his life—started standup after being pulled in a previous show:
    • JP (33:44): “You’re the reason I kept going.”
  • Comes out as bisexual, shares wild Lyft stories involving unsolicited offers for oral sex.
    • Tony (39:02): “Now you’re going to be turned down by two genders.”
  • Invited to perform at the Kia Forum in LA after four years of persistence.
  • Timestamps:
    • On being inspired by Kill Tony: (33:08–34:05)
    • On newly out bisexuality: (38:50–40:50)
    • Forum invitation: (47:04–47:24)

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Cam Patterson (Regular)

• (49:04–55:01)
  • Set about a chaotic bisexual threesome, riffing on sexual bravado and personal anecdotes.
  • Explains sex “with slides on” for traction, likened to a “Scooby Doo chase scene.”
  • Banter with Tony, Mark, and Dan about sexual techniques and personal style:
    • Cam (54:29): “Got to grip the hole... Don’t come off at all, bro.”
  • Timestamps:
    • Sexual bravado: (49:04–54:29)

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3. Newcomer Showcases & Interviews

Tanner Amiglio

• (56:15–64:14)
  • Jokes about activism, parents' sex life, and Filipino heritage.
  • Age 21, 11 months into standup, works for Tom Segura’s podcast.
  • Riffed as “the kid from Jungle Book” and a “cartoon turned human.”
  • Mark Norman (58:33): “I have never seen a person so ready for a firework accident.”
  • Invited to Redban’s Secret Show.

Brandon Battic

• (89:36–95:11)
  • Jokes about OnlyFans, urinals, and looking like he’s from a different era.
  • Two years’ experience, just moved from Massachusetts, former record store employee, fencer for 10 years.
  • Banter about fencing, “rich parents,” “Rob Zombie’s son” jokes.

Alex Hobson

• (79:35–88:26)
  • Canadian comic, 52, only 11 sets in.
  • Deadpan interview: online paper grader, late start due to “passionate” and “violent” ex-wife from China.
  • Ping-pong of puns about his marriage breakdown: “When did you build your great wall?” “When did she become an unfortunate cookie?”

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4. Veteran Snap Roasting

David Lucas (Surprise Hall of Famer Pop-In)

• (64:44–69:24)
  • Walks in, immediately roast battles with Tony, Mark, and Dan:
    • Lucas: “Tony looks like a gay puffer fish.”
    • Normand: “You deflated Patrice O’Neal.”
    • Lucas: “You look like a rich person’s dog.”
  • Promotes new special, drops uncancellable George Floyd punchlines, “Kill Tony is the real movement, y’all better believe that. We’re doing Madison Square Garden!”
  • Timestamps:
    • Roasting: (64:44–69:24)

David Jolly

• (70:12–78:26)
  • Crowd favorite, jokes about aliens and “turquoise pussy.”
  • Recaps opening for Tony at sold-out theaters, eating pizza and ice cream with the crew in Youngstown, OH.
  • Hilarious back-and-forths with Tony and Mark. Tony does Cat Williams impersonation roasting Jolly.

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5. The William Montgomery Finale

• (96:06–105:24)
  • Topical “lights-out” one-liners: “Everybody says dogs are racist, but mine’s actually homophobic...”
  • Real-life stories: confronting a homeless man outside his apartment, binging on Butterfingers while high, bombing at his own show (in his head).
  • Hilarious side conversation about the phrase “coon's age” and its origins.
  • Birthday celebration for D Madness; William leads the audience in singing Happy Birthday.
  • Timestamps:
    • Standup set: (96:06–97:00)
    • Homeless man incident: (98:13–98:56)
    • D Madness birthday: (105:37–end)

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Notable Quotes & Riffs

On the randomness of the bucket:

• Tony Hinchcliffe (36:13): “This is a perfect example of the randomness of the show… persistence and everything is—whatever, you’re fat. Let’s talk, what do you like to eat, JP?”

On Cam’s threesome:

• Mark Norman (51:06): “What a cool threat: ‘I’ll fuck your mom.’ I'd be like, I’ll listen, I’ll listen to her stories.”

On JP Hinsdale coming out:

• Tony Hinchcliffe (39:02): “Now you’re going to be turned down by two genders.”

On Pamela’s pegging gym:

• Mark Norman (26:41): “24 Hour Shitness.”

On roasting Tony’s shirt:

• David Lucas (67:09): “I’ve never seen a loose Allen Iverson sleeve, nigga, that shit weird.”

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Show Energy & Guest Tone

• Banter is quick, savage, and playful—classic Kill Tony.
• Mark Normand and Dan Soder riff freely, pushing edgy lines while keeping it in the spirit of roast comedy.
• Tony steers the show with his signature blend of support, sarcasm, and relentless crowd work.
• The regulars and guests all trade war stories, get vulnerable, and spin the wildness of comedy life for the crowd.

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Noteworthy Moment with Timestamps

• Mark and Dan riff on Heidi’s Instagram (04:36–04:44)
• Longest candid riff about huffing and sobriety (10:45–11:16)
• Pamela discusses pegging, ethnicity, and heartbreak (23:43–30:59)
• JP Hinsdale’s bisexual Lyft stories (38:50–44:09)
• Cam’s “slides-on” sex technique demo (54:29–54:29)
• David Lucas drops in for an impromptu roast battle (64:44–69:24)
• William Montgomery’s “homophobic dog” one-liner (96:06–96:20)
• D Madness’ surprise birthday cake finale (105:37–end)

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Conclusion

Kill Tony #656 is a tour de force of live standup, spontaneous crowd-work, and raw, rapid-fire comedy with Mark Normand and Dan Soder matching Tony’s pace. It’s an episode full of unexpected reveals, savage roasts, and genuine standup breakthroughs—perfect for both hardcore fans and first-timers looking to see what the world’s #1 live podcast is all about.

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For More

• Full episode: [YouTube, DeathSquad.TV]

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Note: All quotations represent the speakers’ original language and tone, and timestamps are formatted as (MM:SS) for reference to the conversation flow. Advertisements, show intros/outros, and non-content sections are omitted for clarity.

Transcript

[JP Hinsdale]

Hey, this is Redban and you're listening

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to the Death squad podcast network.

[JP Hinsdale]

This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at desquad tv.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And don't forget to check out everything

[JP Hinsdale]

Tony [e-mail] and the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas. Go to sunsetstripatx.com and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcock. Ready for the best night of their lives tonight, huh? Yippee. Thanks so much for Red Baron, everybody. Yeah. You did it. You made it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world right now. How we feeling tonight? Yeah, baby. This is indeed Kill Tony brought to you by Squad, Squarespace, Shopify, Red Rose, Yellow Rose and Gel Blaster. How about one more time for the best stand band in the land, huh? Joining us tonight's special guest, Terrell Shahid. Over there on the saxophone, Austin local legend, of course on the drums, the great and powerful Michael Gonzalez. Matt Muhling is out touring tonight. We are here with the band leader, the legend every show in Austin, Texas. The one and only John D's on the keys and fan favorite and one of my own personal favorites, the great D Madness on the bass guitar. Everyone, a lot of fun stuff planned for tonight's episode. Before we started. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show? Well, well, well. You know, thank God I might be one of the best comedy book planet Earth because when I smell talent, I attack. It's always been that way. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present you two of the best goddamn comedians on planet Earth and two of our favorite guests in the history of the show. Two of my funniest friends. Make some noise for Dan Soder and Mark Norman. Let's fucking go. High ranking elite guests of the two of our favorites, two of the funniest, New York's finest. New York's finest. Not just at comedy, but at life on 9 11. They were saving people, pulling them from the buildings. Oh, how about a hand for the lovely Heidi, everybody? I mean, holy right when this sausage fest got a little too sausagey Here she is. To add a little feminine energy. Energy. Some good, some good mojo. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? Follow her@gina.a a a dot hg. It's the worst Instagram handle of all time. Completely hot. Worst marketing of all time for a hot chick. Literally, Gina is not even her name. Her name is Heidi and her Instagram is Gina with dot hg. Yeah, it makes no sense.

[Dan Soder]

I've been calling her Gina all night.

[Mark Norman]

It's also that weird Instagram handles like a tough WI fi password.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it really is. It's absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, we're happy to have you guys. Welcome. We have one more special treat, ladies and gentlemen. One of the greatest band members in the history of the show is here joining us, ladies and gentlemen, you know where you love her. This is the great Jet Ski Johnson, everybody. Oh, only the old school fans know about that. Jet Ski's hilarious and she also plays the horn, but she has a live mic and is absolutely phenomenally, phenomenally hilarious. And when she is, when she says something funny afterwards, everybody goes vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. You guys get it? Yeah, do it. You have to do louder than that. Try again. Okay. There you go. You guys get it.

[Mark Norman]

I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. It's fun. You'll see when it happens in action. She's a little sniper. Hi, Jet Ski.

[Cam Patterson]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm no Heidi. I'm all personalities and it has begun. There you go, motherfuckers. Absolutely. Other than that, you guys know how it works. Over 200 innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to perhaps get 60 seconds on this stage. We'll let this little hangar go up first and while we wrangle the first comedian. And as you know, they get 60 seconds, you know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. And then I'll say, bring out the angry best Hollywood bear. And then we interview them, we talk to them about anything that could be happening in their lives or what might makes them interesting or what might be funnier for them to talk about. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? While we grab the lucky human that will be going first out of our bucket polls, we have a regular on this show. He has been starting every episode for the last few weeks. He's an absolute sensation. A local icon, a comics comic, and also a fans comic. An absolute freak of nature. A bundle of energy, a power source. He literally is like A solar panel. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the great and powerful. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Casey Rocket. The world is a vampire. Hell yeah. There we go. Very cool.

[Dan Soder]

Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Maybach music. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very cool.

[Dan Soder]

Get lost. God.

[Casey Rocket]

I'm riffing for two tonight, boys. I'm pregnant. Okay, cool.

[Dan Soder]

Get lost.

[Alex Hobson]

God.

[Casey Rocket]

Nights like this, I wish I was still covered in mud, Hiding from the predator, you know what I mean? Hoping he'd get close so I can steal a kiss.

[David Jolly]

All right,

[Casey Rocket]

I gotta get outta here. I got a date tonight, fellas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Her name, Hot singles. Her location in my area. The sex, casual and anonymous. No strings attached. Is she HIV positive? Oh, no. Is she gonna try to steal my wallet later? Oh, yeah. Is it a decoy wallet?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell y.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'll take it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll end it on that.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. And that is the launch of my Casey Rocket.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

An absolute force of fucking nature. And meanwhile, you've done it again.

[Casey Rocket]

Thank you, boys. Happy to be here. Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's also running for mayor.

[Casey Rocket]

The pleasure is all mine, Tony. Happy to be Here in the 21st district of Austin today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely zero laughs.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Okay.

[Casey Rocket]

Sorry about that. It was going good. It's going good.

[Raul Sanchez]

Before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. In the moment. Wild. The great Jack the Riffer, some people call him. You have a lot of these nicknames, right?

[Casey Rocket]

Cal Rifkin Jr. Yeah. Riffy longstockings, The Boy who Rift.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, the Hack Brown Band.

[Casey Rocket]

I didn't know. That's not one of them, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ken Riffey Jr. Perhaps.

[Casey Rocket]

Ken Riffey Jr. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Who?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Riffraff.

[Casey Rocket]

Riffraff. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Choosy moms choose Riff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah. Riffs. It's. It's what's for dinner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Riffing strokes for referent, folks.

[Casey Rocket]

That's right.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah. Stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band got excited on that one. I love it. So what's been going on, Casey, Rocket? Everything good?

[Casey Rocket]

Been good.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

I was in Chicago Thursday, Wisconsin, Friday rally yesterday. Been going around. It's been going good. So been doing that Philly tomorrow. Big laughs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. You're just flying around.

[Casey Rocket]

Flying around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rally yesterday. What kind of rally was it?

[Dan Soder]

Was there a ticky torch?

[Mark Norman]

He really does look like he sets up the rallies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You look like the first half of the show. Intervention. Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

It's not true. It's not true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, the interesting thing about Casey is that. And I don't want to, like, blow your cover or get too personal, but you're sober, right?

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, I'm sober. I've Been sober for years. Yeah. Maybach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Damn, dude, that must have been a wild ride when you weren't.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. Tell us some stories.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, there's some residual stuff going on for sure. Upstairs. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Aids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aids, yeah.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

You don't get sober from that. That's permanent.

[Dan Soder]

That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It does appear as though you did do enough drugs to just last ride the wave.

[Mark Norman]

Casey, can I ask you a personal question?

[Casey Rocket]

Absolutely.

[Mark Norman]

Was it huffing?

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, we used to huff ether. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Nice.

[Casey Rocket]

Ether, Air duster.

[Dan Soder]

Whippets.

[Casey Rocket]

Whippets, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Good tie. You need me, we can get them.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, I used to huff. Yeah. Hillary Duff huff. Yeah, I used to huff. Yeah, that's all about it.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

There's a demographic for huffing.

[Dan Soder]

Are you a religious guy? Where do you get your energy?

[Mark Norman]

Wait, do you think that's what religious people are like?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Do you think they just get their. Their energy from God?

[Dan Soder]

He's got the Lord in him.

[Casey Rocket]

Thought it was from God.

[Mark Norman]

He really does.

[JP Hinsdale]

He does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can craft this.

[Mark Norman]

And Pentecostal, he gets nuts.

[Dan Soder]

You got born again Christian vibes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is true. You ever go to church, Casey? No.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Casey Rocket]

No, not me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happens if you step inside of a church?

[Casey Rocket]

Turn to stone, I guess.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

He really would look like he could crawl on the ceilings without notice. You're like, oh, my God, he's here. That's gonna haunt me later.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just take a straw, put it right in the holy water, Let him know you're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.

[Dan Soder]

Casey. Atheist.

[Casey Rocket]

Atheist. I thought you said Caseyist.

[Dan Soder]

I was like, yeah, sorry, I'm a Casey.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I think you have a new name for your fans, Casey.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, there you go.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah. Casey enthusiast. We were in Chicago on Thursday and big Casey Rocky crowd. And this guy, I guess, ate too many edibles and he passed out in the second row. He, like, fell on his face and had to do a riff. Resurrection. Had to bring it back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The second riffing.

[Dan Soder]

What? Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Geez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ.

[Dan Soder]

God damn that Chinaman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very scary.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Jesus. That is like you're trying to show anger,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Casey. You're an absolute machine. No better way I can imagine in the world to get an episode of this show started with your energy, with your jokes, your bing, bing, boom, boom. You truly are. Thank you, sir. Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

So fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Make some noise for Casey, Rocker. Ladies and gentlemen, that is how you do it. The regulars of Kill Tony are freaks of nature. Now we go to the bucket. Now, this is where we found all of the regulars. This is where anything can happen. Maybe it's the best set we've ever seen in the history of the show. Maybe it's the worst. Maybe they're a genius. Maybe they're insane. Maybe they're a 20 year veteran. Maybe it's their first time. Your first bucket pool of the night. Getting 60 seconds uninterrupted. Goes by the name of Raul Sanchez. And here we go. Thank you.

[Raul Sanchez]

I like drinking, man. Makes me a pleasant human being. Sometimes I get a little too fucked up, though. Like, one time I got so drunk, I caught myself speeding on the highway because I confused the number of the highway with the speed limit sign. I was like 97.

[David Jolly]

Fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was pretty specific.

[Raul Sanchez]

No, Then I thought, I better go 92 just to be safe. You know how the cops are around here, man. You guys never got that fucked up. Dude, one time I was at a bar, I got hammered, right? And I started talking to this chick and we hit it off, right? So I decided to buy one of those condoms from the machines in the bathroom.

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah.

[Raul Sanchez]

And then later that night, we were about to get it on, I opened it up and it was to Advil. But I was so drunk, I was like, man, technology's come a long way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness gracious. Raul Sanchez has arrived, ladies and gentlemen.

[Raul Sanchez]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With an unbelievable minute. Oh, my goodness. Now, Raul, I know you, you're a great comedian from Dallas, am I correct?

[Raul Sanchez]

San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

San Antonio, that's right. You were on the show there, correct?

[Raul Sanchez]

No, no, no. This is my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I know you from. How did you end up opening?

[Raul Sanchez]

I opened. I opened for you in Cap City when I used to live here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Raul Sanchez]

And you were coming down here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Yeah. And I had you do it a few times after that, right?

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah, a couple of times. I think two or three times I featured.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because you're hilarious. Appreciate. Look at you. I love it. Now you're in the mix here. That was great.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, man. Yeah. That was killer. You're really good. And just in true Mexican fashion, you're gonna take our jobs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is true, Dan.

[Mark Norman]

What I love about Raul is he feels like you're just hanging out with a dude you work with, that you get drunk with and you're like, dude, Raul's fucking hilarious. You hear him talking about highways, it's fucking nuts.

[Dan Soder]

It's all the landscaping, guys getting together. Yeah. Raggedy.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And then they call him gay for being too funny.

[Dan Soder]

Right? Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me about it. So, Raul, you're. You're a freaking nature how long you been doing standup?

[Raul Sanchez]

Thirteen years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thirteen years.

[Dan Soder]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. I love that. People that have been doing it that long sign up for the show. You come here, you flex, you showcase your goddamn skills. And now look at you. You're right here, absolutely thriving in the mix. How do you make a living just from stand up?

[Raul Sanchez]

Stand up. And I also get disability from the va. Oh, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a veteran?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raul Sanchez]

They're four years in the. In the Army.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mexican Army?

[Raul Sanchez]

No, the Alamo Airborne Infantry.

[Dan Soder]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were in the Air Force?

[Tanner Amiglio]

Oh, no.

[Raul Sanchez]

Airborne Infantry. Jump out of plane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Boy, the migrants are getting good air dropping them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. That's a way to get over the fence. Incredible. So what were you doing? You were jumping out of planes?

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah. And then. Well, not in country. Once we were in, like, Iraq and Afghanistan, it was a lot of, like, just busting people's doors open in the

[JP Hinsdale]

middle of the night.

[Dan Soder]

Okay. Kill any kids?

[Raul Sanchez]

No. These are, like, fully grown men.

[Dan Soder]

All right. Hell, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I feel like if someone from the army was here, they'd go like, hey, we were kicking doors down, and people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, so. But sometimes you would jump out of an airplane?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Raul Sanchez]

I mean, it was like. You have to practice it, like, for when you. I guess if we ever get into a real war with, like, people that got, like, real stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, luckily that. That's never happened in our lifetime. Instead, we just like to practice a lot, I guess.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't picture. I don't think I've seen a lot of mad Mexican people jumping out of the old jumping bean, you know what I mean? I haven't seen this before.

[JP Hinsdale]

There's a lot, actually, There are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So we have them doing.

[Mark Norman]

Wait, did you just try to compare Mexicans jumping out of airplanes? Like, the black people swimming. It feels like you made the jump. I mean, like, I don't see. You don't see a lot of Mexican skydivers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I don't.

[Dan Soder]

They like the land. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They like to be right on ground level. Landscaping land people. They are people of the land.

[Dan Soder]

Hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You come from a big family, Raul?

[Raul Sanchez]

No, it's just me and my sister.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Another stereotype completely broken by Raul Sanchez.

[Raul Sanchez]

Well, I. Actually. We did come over here illegally back in 91.

[Mark Norman]

You were out. You didn't have to say anything.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, you're a.

[Mark Norman]

You were defining a new generation of Latinos. But 91, we struggled. Straight up stuck in.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right. You talk about the Army.

[JP Hinsdale]

This.

[Dan Soder]

You're. You're an Open pamphlet.

[Mark Norman]

Thank God you didn't get captured.

[Cam Patterson]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good one though. I mean, you're one of the good ones.

[Dan Soder]

You come over comedians. Comedians. Second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How is that a bad thing? How is that? The Mexicans are laughing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, but if you follow the trinos,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just got a thumbs up, a brown thumb. Yeah, I just got it.

[Dan Soder]

That joke was over the line and so is he.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I don't want to cross anybody's borders here, but that is incredible. So you came here illegally and just joined the army. See, that's fair. That's how it should be. You want to come here illegally, join the army. I like serve your time. The Asian Mexican's not having this. He's just pissed right now.

[Dan Soder]

Asian Mexican, you don't see him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and he looks shaped Samoan. He's got everything.

[Mark Norman]

They call him Don Mo.

[William Montgomery]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That wasn't your joke. It was a genuine. I'm regathering myself. I love it. Raul, what else would we be surprised to know about you in your life? This is a very interesting set and interview. You're absolutely killing.

[Raul Sanchez]

I used to be a drug addict.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, okay, what, what are we talking? What kind of drug?

[Raul Sanchez]

Mostly cocaine. Like, like free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. A lot of. Lot of people going 97 and a 75 back there. Hell yeah. Where would you do the cocaine? What was like your routine? Where would it get. What would it.

[Raul Sanchez]

My homie was a dealer and we used to just kick it in his like back room behind his parents house. Like he was set up there. And we used to just like stay up all night and to do cokes that we threw up. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I don't mean to judge your friend, but he sounds like a really shitty coke dealer. He's like, yeah, we're going my parents and just do all my stash.

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah, it was pretty bad idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would you guys do for fun after you do the cocaine? What would you guys do?

[Raul Sanchez]

Around the time that I started doing stand up. So it was. And after a while, like stand up starting to get in the way of the coke. It got out of hand pretty quick and I ran out of money and I just stopped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Mark Norman]

A natural end to an addiction.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up started getting in the way of my addiction.

[Dan Soder]

But stand up one. You're still doing stand up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You have one minute of material.

[Raul Sanchez]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ever get tempted to do it? You ever have a moment of weakness?

[Raul Sanchez]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what does that take? Is that. Does that happen when you're.

[Raul Sanchez]

Oh, I just do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. That's a way to do it. Absolutely. He's admitted to three felonies here, for those of you keeping track.

[Dan Soder]

Army border jumping, drugs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every time. I'm like, he's one of the good ones. He's like, I do cocaine all the time. Like, okay, no, not any army. All right, what do you got here illegally? Oh, what do you think about Cadillac converters? Like, do you get them for free or do you buy them?

[Raul Sanchez]

No, somebody tried to steal one out of a rental of. Out of our house. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd love to have you on the secret show sometime if you can.

[Dan Soder]

Appreciate it. Thank you.

[David Jolly]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You passed the catalytic converter test. It's one of the only ways to get booked on this secret show. This is a legit, nice leather joke book. You could fucking do blow off it or something like that. He's generic. Raul on social media, all one word. I mean, that's as about as good as it can get out of the bucket. Make some noise for Raul San. Appreciate it. Oh, wow. What a start of the show. So far this. Right now, we're on pace for episode of the year. It happens that quick. Oh, look at the lovely Heidi. I mean, my goodness gracious. Are we the luckiest people on planet earth or what?

[Mark Norman]

I'm sorry. I looked at your boobs.

[Dan Soder]

At the bottom boob.

[Mark Norman]

I feel like I really got caught. I looked over. She's like, you need to screw forward. I was like, I'm sorry.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I know it's hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think that's bad? I saw D. Madness. Look at her boobs, too. That's. That's the weird part. He's like, All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Pamela Galvez, Everybody. Pamela Galvez. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Oh, here we.

[Pamela Galvez]

What's up, everybody? So I want to open up a pegging gym for women so that we can have nice, strong cores, because I used to date this bisexual guy, and we used to have strap on Sundays. And, oh, in case you don't know what pegging means, pegging means when a girl, I guess, wears a plastic dick and puts it in the butt of the guy. And it made me really appreciate what you guys go through. It's a lot of fucking work. It's a lot of work to do this. And it's very hard to find the hole, too. And I thought, like, all the position that I thought, like, when he was on top of me, that would be Easy. No, that wasn't easy. But guys, if your dick could get pregnant, you wouldn't want to stick it everywhere. So just, you know, because you guys always want to like stick your penises everywhere. So. Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. 55 seconds from Pamela.

[Pamela Galvez]

You what, wanted to stay on time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. You're on time. Rare for your people.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah, cuz, you know, I'm never exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm never on time. What ethnicity are you exactly?

[Pamela Galvez]

Dominicana. Dominicana. Dominican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we got a one. Time's good enough.

[Mark Norman]

She was hypnotizing Mark. Mark was starting to. Mark was starting to present to her.

[Dan Soder]

I want some rice and beans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She said it three times. You say Dominicana three times. Guava juice shows up out of nowhere. This is an incredible Dan.

[Mark Norman]

Peg Bundy. How many times have you done it, Peg Bundy?

[Pamela Galvez]

Oh, I did it like five times. It was amazing.

[Mark Norman]

Same dude?

[Pamela Galvez]

Same dude. Yeah, it was amazing. So ladies, please try it. Please try it. Oh, you feel so powerful. I was like, oh, now I get it. What? God. It's a good feeling. So okay, you know, returning the favor.

[Dan Soder]

Anyone else? Anyone else? Hard excuse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pamela Galvez]

It's getting hot in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. There goes the jacket. Look at this. This is like a fucking. This is like a all.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, don't say Dominican again or they'll appear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. Has anyone ever told you that? You're like if Frederick Douglass and Frederick Krueger had a baby. I like it. How long you been doing stand up, Pamela?

[Pamela Galvez]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Pamela Galvez]

New York City and LA and Miami and, you know, you gotta spread around, right? You gotta spread yourself around, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. Spread those cheeks.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yes, exactly. And lube it up too.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I'm scared shitless of this lady.

[Pamela Galvez]

I told you, I. I want to open up a pegging gym for women.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, bad idea.

[Cam Patterson]

Good core.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

24 hour shitness.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah, that does happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so, Pamela, what do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Pamela Galvez]

I am a registered nurse.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no. I thought she was cuz he sex offender.

[JP Hinsdale]

School nurse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's the jet skis. The jet skis have arrived. D mad. All right, we get it. You're going PD madness there. There he goes. 15 minutes into the show, his first pee break, everybody. There he goes. A true professional D Madness.

[Dan Soder]

I bet you're going hard with that thermometer in there, huh? And then the butthole.

[Pamela Galvez]

Loop it up, baby. Loop it up. Tony. So I know you wanted to be a heart doctor. See, I have. I had open heart surgery.

[Dan Soder]

Okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ASD asd.

[Pamela Galvez]

Atrial septic defect. So you know heart. We're heart people, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That's all I just wanted. So what was the defect? Supraventricular tachycardia.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Look at that.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No big deal. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What? Tony, you have no heart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. I know. That's like the. It's like the ultimate tail. You know, a man with no heart wanted to be a hot doctor. A little boy. Shocking. Oh. So when did you have the surgery?

[Pamela Galvez]

When I was seven years old.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Pamela Galvez]

I wear my scar very proudly, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. Absolutely.

[Pamela Galvez]

We should all wear our scars and everything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Over here, over here.

[Pamela Galvez]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really long, long answers to yes or no questions. What do you do for fun, Pamela?

[Pamela Galvez]

I like to go to the beach and swim and do comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you like to swim?

[Pamela Galvez]

I love to swim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of swimming do you do?

[Pamela Galvez]

It makes me feel free. Like no, you know, there's no. No gravity. You're just. Just you and your thoughts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's kind of how water works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's also how people from the Dominican Republic get here.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. Following your ancestors footsteps there, Pamela. What else? Tell me something interesting about you. Swimming isn't really cutting it for me.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, I know

[Dan Soder]

where. Where you at on Dominican saying the nword. Is that allowed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good question.

[Pamela Galvez]

That's a. That's a. That's a. Yeah, that's a. That's a touchy one. So what do you.

[Dan Soder]

What do you think? You're Dominican. Dominican. Dominican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I. I don't like. I don't.

[Dan Soder]

You don't do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You would pass the test on a police.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd pull you over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You definitely register with an.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pamela Galvez]

So I also do comedy for disabled comedians. I'm disabled too. You just can't see it, you know, cuckoo, obviously. And so. Yeah. So really, it's very passionate of mine. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dan Soder.

[Mark Norman]

The more and more we go on, the more and more I see how crazy that guy is for letting you peg him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you know what?

[Mark Norman]

You feel like you didn't have a safe word at all?

[Pamela Galvez]

No, it's gonna. He broke up with me on Valentine's

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Day of this year.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah, just now. He just broke up with me on Valentine's Day.

[Mark Norman]

What was his reasoning?

[Dan Soder]

My ass is bleeding.

[Pamela Galvez]

He couldn't handle my. My craziness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He broke your heart. You broke his back. Absolutely incredible. On Valentine's Day. How did, how did he break it to you? Was it a text call?

[Pamela Galvez]

Text after 2 and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

3 and a half years.

[Mark Norman]

3 and and half years in a text. Good for his butt lady.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yes. Thank you. Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Damn. Pegasaurus. Work it, work it.

[Pamela Galvez]

I like that one. I like that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like that one.

[Pamela Galvez]

Pegasaurus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. So he left you on battle. You guys didn't get to hang out on Valentine's Day?

[David Jolly]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Did you get him anything? Did you have something prepared for Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day. Perhaps some melted bedroom chocolates or something like that to blend in with the sheets?

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah, that's why you always have to have tissue on the side to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pamela Galvez]

Clean it up.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gosh. Wow.

[Pamela Galvez]

We're still.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pamela Galvez]

We're talking about poop stuff and butts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's you. What you did. You brought that up. Congratulations. That was your 55 seconds. You created this for yourself, Pamela. Here's a little joke bug. There you go. All right. We're having fun here. You guys having fun? All right, another bucket pull. Here we go. Anything can happen. Make some noise for Jay Hinsdale, everybody. Jay Hinsdale. Here he is. Jay Hinsdale. Oh, crap.

[JP Hinsdale]

I was at a strip club during the day recently. I wasn't there for any particular reason. I was just trying to get my mom's engagement ring back. Going to a strip club during the day is weird, though. Going to a strip club during the day is kind of like going to a haunted house at night. It's dark. You feel like you're not supposed to be there. Walls are covered in ectoplasm. Seeing a stripper during the day is weird, too. Seeing a stripper during the day is kind of like seeing Batman during the day. They both got cool costumes, but you can see the scars. Batman fights crime. Stripper fights crime. The catch and release is a little different for the stripper, but she does keep criminals off the streets for an unspecified amount of time. And if you read the comics, that's better than Band. Sorry, I have a touch of the tism.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yet another unbelievable minute here tonight. Jay Hinsdale. Am I saying that correctly? Jay?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah. I usually go by JP But I forgot to add the P. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Well, welcome. Have you been on the show before?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, I was actually on the show the first episode you did with an audience after Covid at Antones. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Our first episode in Austin.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah. You ruined my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did? How did I do that?

[JP Hinsdale]

You gave me dreams and hope and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

look where it got you.

[JP Hinsdale]

I know, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible.

[JP Hinsdale]

This is amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what have you been doing? How long have you been doing stand up?

[JP Hinsdale]

Four years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't start on the show. You were doing it for a year or so before.

[JP Hinsdale]

I was doing it for three months and I got pulled. It was. It changed my life, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, amazing. Tell us more about that. I'm interested for the people at home to hear what happens when you make an impression on Kill Tony. How did it change your life?

[JP Hinsdale]

I just.

[Dan Soder]

It.

[JP Hinsdale]

I was three months in, man, and I was like, you know, you're at the point when you start where you think you're kidding yourself. And, like, you, like, were so fucking nice to me. Like, that was crazy. No, like, for real. Like, you were like, you're the reason that I kept going.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You hear that, you faggots? It's mint. I love it. Absolutely.

[Mark Norman]

That would have been the perfect sense before he shot you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He does have the name of an assassin, Jay Hinsdale, who then assassinated Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Dan Soder]

It was a great set. Really good set.

[JP Hinsdale]

Thank you.

[Dan Soder]

I appreciate it. Unlike you, your jokes have no fat on them.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, I know, but I. I once went to an antifa sponsored vegan barbecue for trans awareness.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, no.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, I found out they don't accept trans fats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Dan Soder]

You've got the face of Shane Gillis and the body of David Lucas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. You are a machine, J.P. hinsdale. I'm just gonna write in the P and call you J.P. is that okay?

[JP Hinsdale]

That's great. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. You're welcome. So now you've been doing it, what'd you say, four years?

[JP Hinsdale]

Four years? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what, you make a living doing it?

[Casey Rocket]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. How do you. How do you provide for yourself?

[JP Hinsdale]

I had to wait for a relative to die.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, good.

[Mark Norman]

Shows patience, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

Held on a good long while and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You're next, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I love it. Who was it? Grandma. Yeah. How did she die?

[JP Hinsdale]

Oh, she was just. It was getting that time. I was like. Honestly, it just happened this year. It was pretty messed up, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, was there a. Okay, red band. Relax. Jesus Christ.

[JP Hinsdale]

Mostly because my mom didn't die and that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, Sorry.

[Mark Norman]

Well, now we know your pecking order.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

She had a pegging order.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah. So hindsight's 2020 with a dildo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay, JP Touche, Touche. There you go. All right. So what do you. You live in Austin? Yes, sir. What do you do for fun?

[Raul Sanchez]

This.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Have you been signing up a lot? We haven't Seen you in.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah. I've been signing up since I moved here and even before I was coming out every month Monday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So we haven't gotten you on since the first episode in Austin, Texas, which is well over three years ago.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you've been signing up continuously.

[JP Hinsdale]

Like off and on when I could get here. But in the past three months, I've been signing up every week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Yeah, it's tricky with hundreds of people in the bucket. This is a perfect example of the randomness of the show. But, you know, I was just telling. I think. I think it was Rogan the other night that, you know, William signed up for. I think it was a year or something crazy. Continuously. And didn't he never once got up? And then after a year, we pull his name out of the bucket. Now he has the record for most appearances and interviews all time on the show. So it goes to show that, you know, persistence and everything is. Whatever. You're fat. Let's talk. What do you like to eat, jp Pee.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, dude.

[Dan Soder]

What don't you like to eat? Let's start there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the late night gluttonous pleasure?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, tell us. Taste, oracle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Taste.

[Pamela Galvez]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

It's not.

[JP Hinsdale]

Not no. When I can. But it's a delicacy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

[Mark Norman]

I bet you eat it all up too, buddy.

[JP Hinsdale]

Oh, like German chocolate ca.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible that you're the bucket pool that doesn't have the heart surgery scar in between your breasts.

[JP Hinsdale]

No, it's only because I can't afford it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Well, you be careful. We might start a heart surgery. Incredible. Jp, do you ever exercise? What's the most motion that you do in a week?

[JP Hinsdale]

Get out of bed. That's pretty difficult.

[Dan Soder]

There you go.

[JP Hinsdale]

I do have a bad leg, so every makes things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's. What's wrong with your leg?

[JP Hinsdale]

I broke it and I didn't have health insurance, so it just kind of healed wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, is it. Is it visible?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

You want to see it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we would love to see. Oh. Oh, you got a homeless leg.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man. The ankle goes. For those of you who are just listening to the podcast, the ankle stays the same size all the way up to the knee. Yeah, there's no definition there.

[Mark Norman]

I bet you could boot the shit out of a soccer ball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, bring Raul back up. Let's see. Okay, jp, anything else that we should know about you before letting you go back?

[JP Hinsdale]

I did just come out this year as bisexual.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

[JP Hinsdale]

I did it at 40, just in time for it to be Gross.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy. Absolutely.

[Dan Soder]

Now you're gonna be turned down by two genders.

[JP Hinsdale]

I know.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

Twice the rejection. I don't know if my heart can take it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible trouble. Yeah, I don't think your heart can take much. So what made you come out as bi? How does this happen exactly?

[JP Hinsdale]

You might understand this, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, of course. You son of a bitch. This is what happens. You changed my life, Tony. You made me believe in my dreams, Tony. It's all thanks to you, Tony. You're gay, Tony. Every Monday.

[Mark Norman]

Well, he does have the cattiness of a gay guy.

[JP Hinsdale]

Like, I don't know. Have you ever been in a relationship so toxic that you considered taking dig again?

[Mark Norman]

What's like.

[JP Hinsdale]

I didn't like it so much when I was 11, but I matured a lot since then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. This is all moving too fast.

[Mark Norman]

That was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is all moving too fast to me. Were you in a relationship with a girl and she broke your heart?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that happen? She break up with you on Valentine's Day?

[JP Hinsdale]

No, like our. Our psychological problems were too connected. This got bad.

[Mark Norman]

Is she dead?

[JP Hinsdale]

No, not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's on the pecking order for sure.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

Not for lack of trying.

[Mark Norman]

It goes mom, Rebecca.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And then my stupid dead grandma.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. So how's the bisexuality been working? Are you on an app or something like that?

[JP Hinsdale]

Guys are savage. Yeah, like savage.

[Mark Norman]

Is that. I don't know if it's good or bad.

[JP Hinsdale]

Bad savage. Like, dude, I don't like. Man, I. I remember the first night I was out, this like guy was coming up, he's like, hey, can I blow you in the bathroom? And I was like, I'm just new to this. I'm not quite ready for this yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. What a gay dude. Get that dick sucked, bro. Yeah, we go to Barnes and Noble. You want to suck my dick? I'm new at this.

[JP Hinsdale]

But literally like five minutes later, he's like. First he's like, understand. Then five minutes later he's like, hey, you want me to suck your dick in the bathroom? I was like, dude, we just talked about this. I was like, take it easy, but

[Dan Soder]

let somebody see your dick. I know, cuz you're not seeing it.

[JP Hinsdale]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus.

[JP Hinsdale]

I had somebody describe it to me once. Apparently it's majestic.

[Dan Soder]

Well, if it's anything like your leg, it's huge.

[JP Hinsdale]

What kind of decide to behold either way?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What are the apps you're on? Uber Eats.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah. Grub Sub.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. So what gay shit have you Done.

[JP Hinsdale]

Well, I was driving live for a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? What?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, I was driving. Well, look at my first. My first night I was driving Lyft. Like, I picked up this dude at a bar, and, like, he was just sitting in the back. He was, like, making out with this dude when I picked him up. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Making out with a woman when you picked him up?

[JP Hinsdale]

No, he's making out with a dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[JP Hinsdale]

And then he gets in the car and he's like, I hate this shit. And I'm like, what? I'm like. He's like, I hate hooking up with straight guys. Yeah. And I was like, that guy was straight? And he's like, yeah, he came in with his girlfriend. I'm like, I'm pretty sure he didn't come out that way. Yeah, he was like. So we're just sitting, talking, having, like, a normal, chill conversation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And while you're driving him.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's he going?

[Mark Norman]

Home.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, he's going home. And then we. Then we get to his destination.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's like, take off your hat again. You're like a gay jelly roll. Look at this. Everybody look at this fucking smelly roll. Oh, my goodness. You gonna sing the national anthem for us? I love it.

[JP Hinsdale]

I mean, if you want, I'll get the words wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Can you see? All right, so what happens then?

[JP Hinsdale]

Well, he's like, hey, you want me to suck your dick?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. We've heard this before.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Why are you like, a bug zapper? For people who suck dick. Just, everyone's like, I gotta suck this guy's dick. I've always wanted to know what it feels like to have a belly on my head as I polarize.

[Dan Soder]

It's a moth to a flamer.

[JP Hinsdale]

Look, I. I understand it less than you do. I. You know, I've never heard somebody ask me that question until recently.

[Mark Norman]

Well, when it rains, it pours.

[JP Hinsdale]

It does. But he goes like, hey, man, you want me to suck your dick? And I'm like, I thought about it. Like, that's really nice of you, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you are the worst at turning down jobs. I'm new at this. Oh, that's very nice.

[JP Hinsdale]

But then he was like.

[Dan Soder]

Like, blowing on the clock.

[JP Hinsdale]

I know, I know. I. I would have got more than just the tip. Okay, so, like, he's like. I'm like, thank you, but I'm. I'm okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By the way. Let me just point out that you can tell D Madness is homophobic. It's because he keeps playing the law and Order. He thinks being Gay is so wrong that it's a crime. Like, we hear you, D. Ma. You're saying so much with your bass guitar right now. Like, that's not.

[JP Hinsdale]

Look, I. I grew up Irish Catholic, so I feel the same way about myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then what happened? I cut off your story.

[JP Hinsdale]

So then he's like, well, at least let me see it. And I was like, I. I was. I was an ultra boy. I'm not. It's like, I know that trick and fool me once. Shame on you. He's like, well, at least describe it to me. And I was like, it was like two in the morning. It's like I've never had to describe my penis. Challenge accepted. You know, so, like, it didn't take long. I explained it then, you know, after that, he was like, how are you going to describe your penis to me and not let me see it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I ask you how you described your penis?

[Mark Norman]

It was a windy night.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was new at this.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Mark Norman]

I was feeling my loins burning in a certain direction.

[JP Hinsdale]

I mean, it's. It's distinguished, but it leans a little to the left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just like your leg.

[JP Hinsdale]

Exactly. It's a structural issue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[JP Hinsdale]

But anyways, like, he's like. His logic was sound, so I was like, I guess I have to do it. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

Are you saying this guy argued you into being gay?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And did he pay you for the ride?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, man. That's got to be a violation of lift.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, probably. It's a good thing I don't do that anymore.

[Dan Soder]

You're a hooker.

[JP Hinsdale]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, what kind of dudes are you into? Have you. Do you have a specific type? Cuz you're what you would be described as A bear. Is that correct?

[JP Hinsdale]

I guess that's what everyone keeps telling me. No, I'm like, technically I'm pansexual, but I don't like talking to a frying pan. Yeah, more of a skillet.

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what do you mean by pansexual? Explain that to us Republicans in the room.

[JP Hinsdale]

I really. I really hate explaining this, but it's basically. It's not the package, it's what's inside you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like holes.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, you do.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But not the mouths of innocent humans.

[JP Hinsdale]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because you're new at this.

[JP Hinsdale]

I am new at this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very, very. So who have you hooked up with?

[JP Hinsdale]

I don't know. A couple of dudes. I'm not like, getting names and shit. I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't want their names.

[JP Hinsdale]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

The amount of Gay eye rolls that you have probably been so many where they're like, yeah, fine, you're new.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Jp, I find you to be extremely interesting. How long of a set do you think you've acquired in your four years of being a stand up comedian?

[JP Hinsdale]

Longest set I've done is 45 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

45 minutes. Where are you originally from?

[JP Hinsdale]

I'm from LA.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

LA?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's where your family's from?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would not have guessed that, but no, I've been.

[JP Hinsdale]

I've been here for. I've been here for about 18 years, so I've been here long.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. You're from la?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting. You know what, jp? I find your story to be so incredibly compelling. What part of LA are you originally from?

[JP Hinsdale]

I. Glendale. I've lived all over Glendale, Long Beach, Burbank.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've lived all over Los Angeles. And Meanwhile, on. On May 10, we will be at the Kia Forum. The Forum. Have you heard of this arena? The world famous arena? How would you like to do a minute at the Forum in ls? You would?

[JP Hinsdale]

Thank you.

[David Jolly]

Well, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got it. JP Hinsdale will be performing. You have family there?

[JP Hinsdale]

No, they're all dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're all dead?

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What about your pecking order? Is mom still alive?

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah, but she's here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's in Austin.

[JP Hinsdale]

She knows she's just around.

[Dan Soder]

That would have been great if he was like, I'm not. I can't accept it. I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I was gonna have. I was gonna have you invite her out to the show, but I guess only Grandma's gonna be watching your performance at the Forum. Red Band. I would also love to have you on the secret show Thursday if you can.

[Dan Soder]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Alex Hobson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He started here and it will end here. JP Hinsdale and Hinsdale5000 on social media. You probably never got one of these. Bonsai wasn't with us back then. There you go. Goes. He made it happen. He's just became an arena act. Ladies and gentlemen, JP Hinsdale, everyone. And like that, magic happens. He goes from signing up every single week to going back to where he started his life in Los Angeles, performing in an arena. Only under the condition that he lets me suck his dick, of course. So keep an eye on that. Could be taken away at any point. He likes to play hard to get.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And soft to get at the same time. It's very bizarre, ladies and gentlemen. As you see, dreams can come true on this show. And none bigger than the One that you're about to see. An absolute force of nature. One of our regulars writes and performs a new minute every single week. I present to you a freak. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the one and only Cam Patterson. Hey, are you

[Cam Patterson]

that last nigga?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gay as hell, dawg.

[Cam Patterson]

Gay as super duper gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very gay.

[Cam Patterson]

Unlike that guy, I like bitches. I love women. They cool as hell. I had a threesome for the first time a couple weeks ago. And I made two women come to the same conclusion that I'm pretty bad at sex. I'm mad because I told them that joke. They laugh harder than y' all did. I hate them hoes. I hate them with my whole heart. That shit really pissed me the fuck off. It was weird. Cause like, at one point, one of the girls got mad at the other girl. Cause I was fucking the other one too much because her pussy was better. I'm a genius, you know what I'm saying? And so she got mad and went

[David Jolly]

to a different room.

[Cam Patterson]

So I had to fuck him in different rooms. So just imagine me, butt ass naked, 14 inch dick. Don't think about it too hard. 14 inch dick soup, flaccid. I'm soft, not even hard yet. Just dragging the floor. And I'm running butt ass naked with my socks and slides still on. Because if you fuck without your socks and slides on, you gay. That's gay as hell, dog. You fuck butt ass naked, that's gay as shit, right? So I'm running back and forth like a Scooby Doo chase scene, right? Just fucking. Just hitting that shit, right? And I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a good time. And I called my homeboy. I was like, hey, man, I had a threesome last night. That shit was dope. And I explained I was going back and forth, back and forth. He was like, you ain't have a threesome. They ran a train on you. That's it. That's Cam Patterson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah, Cam Patterson. I love it. That's a new minute.

[Cam Patterson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Originally heard about it in an interview. Yeah. And there it is. The actual bit. Unbelievable interview to. It all turns into material.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Them already gonna hate me for that one, but. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's all right. I'll their mamas on. You know that's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Get their moms pregnant.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, that's a good idea. I should do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fun thing about a hater's mother is that you can come inside of her all you want.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let her deal with the reaper repercussions.

[Cam Patterson]

I Can be your stepfather some like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Norman]

God damn. What a cool threat. The out of your mom. I'm gonna. I'd be like, I'll listen. I'll listen to her stories.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, Cam, you're absolutely killing what else is going on in the world. You really did that, huh? Yeah. Two different rooms.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it was upset with each other. One of them was just mad cause the other one way too much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you went in there and what'd you say to her? You're like, hey, I want to stop

[Cam Patterson]

being mad, but okay, that's a direct approach. Yeah, stop being upset, dumb ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah. You threw a dumb in there. Absolutely. Super insulting.

[Mark Norman]

I'm writing it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, keep going.

[Dan Soder]

That's good.

[Mark Norman]

Settle down, you dumbass.

[Cam Patterson]

Cuz some women like to be talked to aggressively. You know what I'm saying? She like to be. You know what I'm saying?

[Mark Norman]

This feels like a up hitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know Know who to talk to aggressively and who to not

[Cam Patterson]

talk to the aggressive ones aggressively, you know what I'm saying? She really like overly aggressive. You got to be aggressive back. Like I don't hit women, but I shake the out of you know what I'm saying? I shake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you know that the one girl's vagina was better than the other girl's vagina if you the one girl first?

[Cam Patterson]

Cuz I tried both of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You tried both of them?

[Mark Norman]

The old Pepsi Challenge.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, Yeah, I tried both on. I like, oh, this is what? Way better.

[Dan Soder]

What do you mean?

[Cam Patterson]

It was like the other n. Just like more like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like more wet.

[Cam Patterson]

You feel what I'm saying?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, a little je ne sais quo.

[Cam Patterson]

You ever had like. You ever had like a stuffy nose and one of your nose is just like one side of your nose just like. Yeah, super wet and the other side of this dry. That was the other bit.

[Mark Norman]

But Cam, have you ever laid on your side and let the snot fall into the other one and then it opens back up? How cool is that? What I'm saying is should have switched rooms. Maybe the pussy would have been better

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in the other room.

[Dan Soder]

It's too bad there's no nose spray for pussy. Open that shit up. You know they needed that.

[Cam Patterson]

I will tell you my favorite part about the threesome is I went outside. I went outside on the phone with my homeboy about some shit and then I came back in and one of the girls was eating other girl pussy. And I was like, man, life is great, man. And so, so I decided I had, like, two entries I could choose to go through at this point in life. You feel what I'm saying? I could either, like, just shove my dick in her mouth or, like, the other one and I shoved my dick in her mouth. And I think that was a pretty good decision.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Choose your own adventure.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. What a post game conference. I could have gone, puss, wet mouth. Don't regret it.

[Cam Patterson]

Don't regret it. Great idea. I liked it a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's also take a. Take note that during all of this talk about women and women eating each other out, not once have we heard from the homophobic bass Player D Madness who played it 18 times during all the gay talk earlier. Literally, things. Gay things are criminal. Unbelievable.

[Dan Soder]

And you with the slides on.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, I got to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

You got to.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, cuz you go socks, they're on the carpet.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, you got to have, you know what I'm saying, good traction, you know?

[Dan Soder]

Yes, you. You definitely have. I'm running to the liquor store outfit on traction.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, you on a lot. If you on a lot. You feel what I'm saying, man? Like, not on really carpet, but if you like on, like, hardwood, be slipping

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and so you stay at the edge of the bed and you bring them kind of towards you.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I like that whole touch slides.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It would be hard to keep them on in the missionary position.

[Cam Patterson]

Trust me. I keep them on, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You keep them on.

[Cam Patterson]

You gotta grip the hole with your toes a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. That is incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

Don't come off at all, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you just listening to the podcast, he got up on his toes like Michael Jackson.

[Cam Patterson]

Got a grit in the hole.

[Raul Sanchez]

Look, look at me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me.

[JP Hinsdale]

Look.

[Cam Patterson]

Grip them.

[Dan Soder]

Grip it.

[Cam Patterson]

Go ahead. Got a grip.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. This guy just agrees with whatever you say.

[Cam Patterson]

Yes, Mr. Black Man. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Yes, yes. I'll buy candy for your uniforms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

My AU team, man. Come on with me, dog. You feel what I'm saying? We trying to go to Florida and play in the AAU tournament, man. Trying to get there, bro. I did that before.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I was like 19, not playing basketball in, like a year. Did that before.

[Dan Soder]

I can see it. I think I bought those skittles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. All right, Cam. I mean, you did it again. An absolute unbelievable performance yet again. Just choke, choke, choke, choke, choke. Nobody does it quite like him. Make some noise for Cam Patterson, everybody. Come on, you can do better than that. Make some noise for Cam, everyone. God damn it. Out there daydreaming. Your next bucket poll is from the Inside, he is one of you. Make some noise for Tanner Amiglio. Tanner Amiglio from the inside. I do. Well. Nope. Is that him? Tanner, you here? There he comes. All right, from the back. How many of you like it when people do good on this show? How many of you like it when people do bad on this show? Well, there you go. A bunch of ruthless people in this room tonight. Absolute monsters. Make some noise for Tanner Amiglio, everybody. From the inside, one of your very own. One more time for Tanner Amiglio.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I get confused watching the news a lot. Like, I'll see like a protest going on and you'll see like a bunch of fat people. And like, they're activists. Like, what the you active about fatty fat.

[Mark Norman]

Sh.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I like listening to my parents have sex. I don't care what you think, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're my parents, bro. Fuck you.

[Tanner Amiglio]

It's fun to think about, you know, like, my dad's shorter than my mom. My dad's Asian.

[Raul Sanchez]

It's cool.

[Tanner Amiglio]

He just teeter totters on her. I know. He's doing a good job too. Like, I hear my mom go, oh, yeah, yeah. My dad's all, yeah, get the footy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Asian. Don't get mad at me, bro.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. A great minute. Tanner Amiglio. Am I saying that correctly? Tanner?

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah, you are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pamela Galvez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to the show. This is your first time, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dan Soder.

[Tanner Amiglio]

What up, Dan?

[Mark Norman]

What's up, dude?

[Dan Soder]

How are you?

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm doing great, dude.

[Mark Norman]

You really look like a kid that was kidnapped and then returned.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I. I just kept asking, like, oh, dude, let me play the iPad. He was like, get the out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. How old are you?

[Tanner Amiglio]

21.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

21 years old. Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Man, I feel like Kevin Spacy cuz this twink is cute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's going down. It is going down.

[Dan Soder]

Stinky.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm a little cute stinky boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. All right. There you go.

[Mark Norman]

How many animals have you killed with rocks?

[Dan Soder]

Wait, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So many actually, though. No, answer it.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I've killed. Killed rabbits, squirrels. I killed not with a rock, but with my car. Like three hogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the one with your car?

[Tanner Amiglio]

Like, three hogs? Like three. Three at once instead of two birds, one stone. My car. Three hogs.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. Hot.

[Mark Norman]

Honestly, you can't beat that logic, right?

[Dan Soder]

That's good. Yeah. You look like a kid.

[Mark Norman]

God damn.

[JP Hinsdale]

Dude.

[Mark Norman]

I have never seen a person so ready for a firework accident.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is unbelievable. This is incredible. You're a little bundle energy. Tanner. How long have you been doing stand

[Tanner Amiglio]

up this Is going to be 10 months? No, no, 11 months in March.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Oh, that was March.

[Dan Soder]

Yes, 11 months, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, you mean a year in March?

[Tanner Amiglio]

No, no, a year in April, because I turned 21 in March, so I started in April.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. All right, well, everything is happening right now. I know.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy.

[Mark Norman]

I don't know why. Got so much cartoon turned into a human energy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

there it is. Yeah, that's the sound.

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So, Tanner, how do you make a living?

[Tanner Amiglio]

I work for Tommy Buns and Mama Jeans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah, I was actually switching on the podcast when you were on. Not today, pal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah. And you asked with the great Jamie Lynn. The great Jamie Lynn and Robbo, of course. Yeah, you asked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when.

[JP Hinsdale]

Wait, wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't even get to the fucking. I didn't know. You guys don't even know what he asked? Just hold on.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, when I'm mad, my nose shakes.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Tony really likes the Sopranos, which is dope. And he was wondering about this Pink Floyd song that kept popping up when someone was killed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was Van Morrison, but yes, Van Morrison sings the chorus on the Comfortably Numb version of Christopher Maltisanti's death.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yes. Yeah, I learned that from when you were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know. They asked the great David Chase, the creator. The almighty creator of the Sopranos universe, and he answered that, and he did.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Your eyes are so much bluer than I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He didn't even know. You're talking about my eyes right now. I'm talking about David Chamber Chase answering my question that I asked on a Sopranos podcast right now.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Sorry, dude.

[Mark Norman]

He's been living with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. Just let him have it. It's like, I don't know, Peter, Captain Hook's coming around.

[Dan Soder]

Let him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My eyes are blue. Yeah, man, but, yeah, he didn't even know. He didn't even make the connection.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Blue is your little vest.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, geez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is going on? What is going on here? Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Will you guys stop flirting?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God. What a cute. What a me. Cute.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want Tony?

[Dan Soder]

You're back in with the Asians.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Popular.

[Dan Soder]

We love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna get my revenge.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm a dirty Asian, though. You know we're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of Asian are you?

[Tanner Amiglio]

Filipino. We're not clean. We're like tree Asians. We're arboreal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That means they live in the.

[Tanner Amiglio]

The trees for you. Arboreal is in the trees.

[Dan Soder]

God, this is the worst planet Earth ever. The are in the trees. Yeah, Man. You look like the kid From a jungle book. I was going to say

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mowgli.

[Dan Soder]

Mowgli the little Indian.

[Mark Norman]

Is that what you have to calm you down like? It's the bare necessities. Those simple bare necessities.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. The extra forehead.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Dan, your forehead's as wide as my ass, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Tanner.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm just kidding.

[Mark Norman]

Sweet. Zing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Boxcar Child.

[Dan Soder]

Zing is his dad's name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, Tanner, you're a freaking nature. Have you been funny your whole life? You're 21.

[Mark Norman]

Old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Years. Years old. Were you a little rabble rouser in school? Such a rabble rouser. Okay.

[Mark Norman]

Son of a. I swear to God,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this kid just have you spank it, Tony.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Disrespect it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

You guys are going to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are. I'm taking him to the pitching putt this week and get them all liquored up on sugar or something like that. Oh. You originally from Austin, Tanner?

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you from?

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm from San Clemente, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's a shame. So close to the Forum. If you weren't an.

[JP Hinsdale]

Sorry.

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have a question. How did I this up for myself? You.

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your eyes are bluer than I thought.

[William Montgomery]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tanner, what do you do for fun? What else are you into other than comedy?

[Tanner Amiglio]

I love fishing. I grew up working on fishing boats. That's like my favorite thing to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Yeah. Wow.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I figured you're more of a bait for. For Red Chris Hansen show or whatever that was called.

[Tanner Amiglio]

Oh, yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. People in, they tell them that there's cookies and lemonade and shit if they bring the pizza.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are. Okay. Chris Hanson.

[Mark Norman]

Chris Hansen's like, you're not supposed to actually up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's the vibe that I was getting.

[Dan Soder]

It's like, open the door.

[Tanner Amiglio]

I'm already naked. I'm like, all right, we're doing this.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I ask you a question?

[Mark Norman]

Did you that kid?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I offered to suck his dick and he told me he was new at this. Tanner, I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday if you can.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And here's the big joke book. There you go, buddy. The Kill Tony debut of Tanner Am Miglio and ladies and gentlemen, on this what appears to be a fucking Home Run Derby episode. Oh, shit. I mean, ladies and gentlemen, Kill Tony hall of famer David Lucas has stepped out. For those of you just listening to the show, what a pleasant surprise. Absolutely incredible.

[David Lucas]

I didn't want shit. I just wanted to tell Tony he looked like a gay puffer fish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my.

[David Lucas]

I bet if I tickle your booty, you'll blow.

[David Jolly]

Up.

[David Lucas]

Up right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how it works.

[David Lucas]

Look at Dan Soda. That look like he got on a hockey helmet. Big head ass.

[Mark Norman]

You and your wobbly fish eyes need to shut the up. You deflated Patrice o'. Neal.

[David Lucas]

You look like an intelligent Tom Green.

[Mark Norman]

I'll take that. I'll take that.

[Dan Soder]

Damn. I feel like I'm between a black guy and a cop. Take it easy.

[David Lucas]

That look like he coach at a private school. Get your

[Dan Soder]

God willing basketball. All right, you candy apple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David Lee.

[David Lucas]

Look at your Adam's apple.

[Mark Norman]

God damn, boy.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. You've never eaten an apple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh.

[Dan Soder]

You have a harder time breathing than George Floyd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, don't say that.

[David Lucas]

I just got canceled for that joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry, sorry. That's why.

[David Lucas]

All right, but if they would have kneeled on your neck, they would have had to curve their knee.

[Dan Soder]

That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that.

[David Lucas]

Adam's album.

[Dan Soder]

It's a doozy.

[David Lucas]

That's a mesothelioma, whatever that called.

[Dan Soder]

And that's a diabetic.

[David Lucas]

That's my bro. That's why we.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Kill Tony. Hall of famer, one of only three, one of only two living. David Lucas.

[David Lucas]

Yeah, I'm out here, bro. I just wanted to come out here, man, and let y' all know my special dropped March 6th, you know what I'm saying? Filmed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Lucas]

And they tried to cancel me over that George Floyd joke, but it don't work. That was a crackhead that I really, in real life would have shot that. It wasn't. It wasn't a joke. He was 66. That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Incredible. That was quite the situation. You were put under you.

[Mark Norman]

I thought you were talking about George Floyd.

[Dan Soder]

That's one way to put it.

[JP Hinsdale]

Situation.

[Dan Soder]

He's the guy from Jersey Shore.

[David Lucas]

Well, I told you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Lucas]

What kind of shirt is that under that vest?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you asking me exactly?

[David Lucas]

I ain't never seen a loose Allen Iverson sleeve. Nigga, that shit weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you.

[David Lucas]

You look like you got on a church sock. Nigga, your ass.

[Dan Soder]

Church sock?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck?

[David Lucas]

That's a Stacey Adams shirt. Nigga your ass. The Steve Harvey line of scuba diving gear.

[Dan Soder]

You gonna take that from Stacy Abrams?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my man.

[David Lucas]

Get your old Yorkie looking ass up out of here, boy. Look like a rich person, dog out here. That.

[Dan Soder]

I like it.

[David Lucas]

Out of here with that.

[Dan Soder]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do look like a rich person. St.

[Dan Soder]

I should be in a lady's purse.

[David Lucas]

That look like he swallowed a ping pong ball. Nigga, your ass. But when you take a go, that shit take 30 years.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[David Lucas]

Take a sip of that coke. I'll be finished next month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[David Lucas]

It don't stop, baby. We out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is huge. And you're gay.

[David Jolly]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are literally bigger than ever.

[William Montgomery]

It is.

[David Lucas]

Nigga, I seen you on the P. Diddy affidavit. Nigga, your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[David Lucas]

You was at a swimming pool with meat meal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, no one knows more about being puffy than you do. It's a P. Diddy joke.

[David Lucas]

You be puffy in the morning from the AIDS medication. Nigga, your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are notoriously big.

[David Lucas]

And you are notorious fag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, son of a bitch. He got me again. It goes on and on forever. Can't understand how. How we last so long. Absolutely incredible.

[David Lucas]

You know, we do this shit, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else, David?

[David Lucas]

You know, I'm out here, bro. I'm out here in these cities, man. Bakersfield, North Carolina. Fucking stress factory. I got the Wilbur at the end of the year. We out here doing it. Kill Tony is the real movement, nigga. Y' all better believe that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goddamn right.

[David Lucas]

We're doing Madison Square Garden. Do you niggas understand that shit?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Yep.

[David Lucas]

Everybody associated with Kill Tony, a killing. Don't forget that. That's all I got to say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David Lucas, everybody. You got to love it. What a special pop in.

[Dan Soder]

Stand up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you, David.

[Dan Soder]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolute legend of the show. We're going to be getting trash tonight. No doubt about it. And I was saying before he even came out, I was saying on a what appears to be an all home run derby episode of Kill Tony, I have pulled one of the most amazing names I could have possibly have pulled out of the bucket. Genuinely, somehow one of the. Out of the hundreds of signups I have pulled, Kill Tony Legend. Make some noise for David Jolly, everybody. Oh, yeah. Gang violence has arrived. How y' all doing?

[David Jolly]

How y' all doing tonight?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

White people in Puerto Rico,

[Alex Hobson]

y' all

[David Jolly]

heard the news that the aliens was real? Y' all heard that? It's fucking crazy. The real question is, when are we gonna be able to fuck these aliens? I seen Avatar. I've been waiting on this shit a long time. I ain't never had no turquoise pussy before. I'm gonna be the first nigga in a polyamorous relationship with two Martian hoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna be like, hey, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooga. You went, eh, eh, eh. Y' all Come down here and suck my dick.

[David Jolly]

Cause I already know if they keeping them aliens at Area 51, it's a nigga on that midnight shift. He just wait for Roger to go eat his cheese sandwich. All right, thank y', all, man. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Only 42 seconds.

[David Jolly]

Oh, my bad. All right. All right, y'.

[Alex Hobson]

All.

[David Jolly]

Y' all ugly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. 48 seconds from David Jolly.

[David Jolly]

What up, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going, my friend? Welcome.

[David Jolly]

You know, out here. Getting there. You're having a good time, ain't we?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn right. You working tonight?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, I'm working.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. I love you.

[David Jolly]

Thought I'd just walk around. Well, don't answer that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. You don't want to know. David, incredible that I pulled you out of the. But do you always sign up when you're working?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, every time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I love it.

[David Jolly]

Well, and I. I was sitting up there and then I seen. I seen Brian look at Colt and I was like, I think this might be my name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're goddamn right. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you.

[David Jolly]

What up, Mark?

[Dan Soder]

Hey, it's good to see you. I mean, you were great in Blood Diamond. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Jolly]

You was good in Honey. I sh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Out of my nose. Genuine snot flew out of my nose on that one while I was to trying. Trying to light a cigarette. That was incredible. He's swift. A very rare treat on this show is liquids flying out of my body. Surprisingly so. David, welcome back. Since the last time that you've been on this show, I had you do some spots on my Tony Hinchcliffe and current friends you killed. And then I invited you on the road and I mean, I don't know why I was surprised, but your level of intensity in giant theaters was so incredible. Incredible that I had you back and back again. So you've been kind of part of this rolling crew. Tell these people what it's like doing sold out theaters around the world with me.

[David Jolly]

That retarded.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you describe it a little bit better?

[David Jolly]

I mean, because like you got. It takes so much time. Like with the jokes. Because you tell the joke, then it's 2, 000 people, you know, with the timing. It's great though, man. It's fun. We having fun on the road. Crash cracking jokes, always giving Hans Kim every day. You know what I mean?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[David Jolly]

That's the best part to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it really is. And we also roast you a lot. It's really.

[David Jolly]

I don't give a damn, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we know. Hans doesn't really give a damn either. Everybody's happy to be on the ride I took you to. We went to Cleveland and Pittsburgh this past weekend, and we stopped off in Youngstown, Ohio, which is Midway Point. And you went to my mom's house?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, we hung out good over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A little fun fact, though. I told my mom that. Who was. Who else was with us? It was Yoni, Christy, Hans, Cam, Daddy, and Cam and Cam's dad. But I had. I told David to wait in the car five minutes. And after she let everybody in, I didn't tell her that David was coming. And. And then I had him just bang on the door really, really hard to freak her out.

[David Jolly]

But she was a good spirit. After she put the gun down,

[Mark Norman]

what did she do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it was unbelievably hilarious. You got to have Youngstown Pizza, Bellaria uptown pizza.

[David Jolly]

Ice cream was fado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's Handle's ice cream. It tasted famous. You've had it.

[Dan Soder]

Very good. Very good.

[David Jolly]

I thought. I thought it was going to taste like purple drink, but it tasted like grape, so that was ice cream we did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We got grape flavor.

[David Jolly]

Purple drink.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[David Jolly]

It's good, right?

[Dan Soder]

Very good.

[David Jolly]

I know you had it, Dan. You like you from the hood, man.

[Mark Norman]

I love purple drink.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah? Yeah.

[David Jolly]

It's delicious. I'm telling you, it is.

[Mark Norman]

No, I know it is.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is.

[Dan Soder]

What the hell is that?

[Mark Norman]

Like me in a hot tub.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh.

[Mark Norman]

Were you friends with them dorks

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David Lucas and David Jolly, back to back? I. It's a shame because I was trying to get Cat Williams on this episode last week, but he obviously had other things to do. I wonder what Cat Williams would have said about your performance here tonight. It makes me wonder. Can't even do a full minute. The man, they got him working the door, baby. Can't even do a damn four minutes of shit. Shame. Get away from me, White. I don't be

[JP Hinsdale]

a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Having no snow bunnies up in my pimping.

[Dan Soder]

That's good.

[David Jolly]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Dan Soder's new special on the Road is on YouTube now. Please give him the full kill Tony bump.

[Dan Soder]

Let the killer smudge. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my.

[Dan Soder]

It's good. I see you getting better every day. I see at the club. You're always good. Your material's gold. Oh, wait, that's your teeth.

[David Jolly]

I followed you last night.

[Pamela Galvez]

Sorry?

[David Jolly]

I followed you last night.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. Home. Yeah. No, no, I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[David Jolly]

On the open mic on the Cruise show.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah, that was.

[David Jolly]

Got you was on the stage when I left.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. No, you're right.

[David Jolly]

I'm just with you. M. Don't bear me one day.

[Mark Norman]

Mark feels like he's talking to the door guy of his building right now. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. It's raining.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Dan Soder]

It's cold out.

[Mark Norman]

I. I gotta go.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. How's your kids?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, he good.

[Dan Soder]

All right. You're taking care of him. That's nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He does not know where they are.

[David Jolly]

He ain't coming. College. Actually, he pretty good.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got a kid in college?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What college is he going to?

[David Jolly]

Bethune Cookman University in Daytona.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's it called?

[David Jolly]

Bethune Cookman University. Bethune Cookman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bethune Cook.

[David Jolly]

Bethune Cookman. You hear me, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goddamn. What's that mean? Google it. Bethune Google it.

[David Jolly]

What the. Is that? What is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that? What is.

[David Jolly]

What song is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom.

[David Jolly]

What song is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that Boom. You know what song that is?

[David Jolly]

I don't. I ain't here.

[David Lucas]

Play it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brian, you know what song that is?

[Pamela Galvez]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's your morning alarm clock. And by morning, I mean 1pm I'm sure that's good. We know you ain't contributing to the Bethune Cook fund.

[David Jolly]

Why not?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're giving them college money.

[David Jolly]

No, I'm giving it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what they just said.

[David Jolly]

I'm giving. I'm giving. Giving him money. Not Bethune. Bethune, Right. I went to fam. Bethune. Google that. White people. Bethune Cookman University in Florida. A. M. Are two historically black colleges that he know. Don't you know? Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's black Theon from earlier.

[David Jolly]

The guy, he know. He know what I'm talking about, man. It's two prestigious universities.

[Dan Soder]

So weird hearing black guys talk.

[Raul Sanchez]

College.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Present.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Quite the community you guys have built for yourselves.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, I'm doing all right. I'm pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I mean, right? You're doing just fine. Yep. Between God and ged, you're doing just fine. Man, oh, man.

[David Jolly]

You

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

realize we love you. Incredible. To have David Lucas and David Jolly back to back back since he had to apologize for doing jokes about you. Not a lot of people know this, but this is the actual George Floyd. He was an actor the entire time. He's alive and well. He's totally fine.

[Mark Norman]

I was.

[David Jolly]

I was in the Bahamas. That's what I was doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y.

[David Jolly]

Smoking weed with Tupac and, you know, doing cocaine with Elvis. You know, the usual, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Gang violence and, you know, the vibes.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Theon, that's enough talking while the show's going on.

[Dan Soder]

It's not a movie theater.

[David Jolly]

Hey, hey, relax. He a kick. He gonna kick y' all out. I'm telling y', all, you gonna be out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What is this? Medea Goes to a comedy show?

[Dan Soder]

Relax, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This incredible. David Jolly, you're a sensation. What can I say? Everybody loves you. You're coldblooded killer. What else, David?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Appreciate David Jolly. All right, we keep moving along now. We started a little late. We're gonna go a little bit longer. Make some nice for your next bucket pool. Alex Hobson, everybody. Alex Hobson is next on Kiltoni. Such fun interviews. Whoa. Make some noise for Alex Hobson, everyone.

[Alex Hobson]

Hey, everybody. I hope you're all in a good mood tonight. I have. That's a good thing. That's a good, good thing. I have. I've been in Texas for two whole weeks and I'm absolutely loving it. I'm on a road trip from Canada and a lot of things are similar. For example, the proud patriotic animal of Canada is the beaver. So that's one thing that we have in common with Texas, which is nice, because the proud animal symbol of Texas. Texas is also a beaver. That beaver's name is Bucky. He is. He is incredibly popular. Adults love him. Kids love him. Very popular guy. All right, folks, hope you keep having a great night.

[David Jolly]

That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks. Wait a second. Alex, first of all, you're the happiest angry looking guy I've ever seen in my life. I'm not sure what to make of this. It's so fun to see Santa on his off hours, though. There he is. Awesome. Thank you.

[Mark Norman]

Damn, dude, that. That set was ZZ Stop.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You're like a gay wizard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Alex, what is going on here? Exactly? What are you. That's your first time doing standup, correct?

[Alex Hobson]

It is my 11th time tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean to you? Exactly? Exactly?

[Alex Hobson]

What is. What does tonight mean? Or what does 11th time? It means I've done. I've done open mics up in Canada, but only a few.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're 11th time. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought he meant, too. He can travel the whole world in one night. Yeah, yeah. It is very Santa. Like, except he slays sometimes. This was more. Oh, dear. So, Alex, you've done stand up 11 times total. What do you do for a living? What type of prison guard are you exactly?

[Alex Hobson]

I mark essays.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You mark essays?

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Like you. I mark you, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That is an interesting. What do you mean you mark essays?

[Alex Hobson]

Like, I work for a university, but everything's online, so that's why I'm able to be here visiting. Here.

[Mark Norman]

You're a paper grader?

[Alex Hobson]

Yes, I am a paper grader online, yes.

[Dan Soder]

So you'll never be in a school shooting? Unfortunately.

[Alex Hobson]

Unfortunately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long. How long have you been an online marker?

[Alex Hobson]

For quite a while. For like 12 years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Alex Hobson]

Basically was doing my education in stages. Did you know, did a BA did an MA and then got partway through a picture.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Itchy.

[Dan Soder]

Are you William Montgomery's dad?

[Mark Norman]

Okay, an answer. That was weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you married? What have you done with your life? How old are you?

[Alex Hobson]

I am 52.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And what have you done up until this point? What made you start stand up so

[Alex Hobson]

late was in a marriage where freedom wasn't really available.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about this marriage. How long did it last, by the way?

[Mark Norman]

Who was the restrictive one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Him or her? Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Norman]

He looks like he's got someone chained to a radiator.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. No, your honor, I'm the victim of the domestic violence. I swear.

[Dan Soder]

Evil youth pastor energy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So what happened with the marriage?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about the marriage.

[Alex Hobson]

It was one of those things that started out, and I thought that it was someone that was. Was amazing and passionate and driven. And so I said to myself, you know, if the first night is like this, you know, then, you know, what else will be good? You know what else will be intense? The divorce. And it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long was the marriage?

[Alex Hobson]

12 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what was so intense about the divorce?

[Alex Hobson]

Just. Yeah, just tell us the truth. Was married to a very passionate, very driven, very intense.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say that she's passionate, give us some type of example of how she's passionate. What do you mean? In the bedroom? Yes. Okay. What ethnicity was she?

[Alex Hobson]

Chinese, from China.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. There you go. Truth comes out. The Asians holding strong on this one.

[Mark Norman]

Damn, you got tiger momed, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[David Jolly]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Was she from China?

[Alex Hobson]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, did you come in a box?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Alex Hobson]

She was actually from a very wealthy Chinese family. I met her while she was traveling.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Kim Jung. Wait, that's Korea. That's Korea. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So the marriage ended up being just general. So. So that's Chinese.

[Mark Norman]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a Chinese.

[Dan Soder]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

She just egg rolled over. Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was like kung pao.

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah, there was a lot of that.

[Mark Norman]

She was abusive?

[Alex Hobson]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it. Come on.

[Dan Soder]

She hit you with nunchucks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, a little choppy chop. Put you in a finger trap or.

[Cam Patterson]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did she do. Do to you?

[Alex Hobson]

A lot of. Mostly a lot of throne dishes, lack of control.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

China. Yeah, she's trying to. China, babe. That's our good China. I'm the good China. I'm the good China. My goodness. Being betrayed by a Chinese person. It's like, dang. You know what I mean? Was he really. She was smaller than you, though, right? Like, I'm very fragile.

[Alex Hobson]

No, not really.

[JP Hinsdale]

No.

[Alex Hobson]

Like, I. I. When I went to China and went to Beijing and met her dad, and her dad was a little bit taller than I am, and I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not short, so that's crazy.

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was taller than you?

[Alex Hobson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You met her there and you took her to go. Chinese takeout

[Alex Hobson]

and one of those very strange things. We met in St. John's Newfoundland. So I'm from British Columbia. We met way on the other side of Canada. So it's kind of like being from Seattle and then meeting someone in New York and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Mark Norman]

So wait, this is your sleepless in Seattle.

[Dan Soder]

She just looks with one eye open.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us more about this fucking spicy dish. What else would she do to you? What else. What was like the. Where did you draw the line Exactly. Where did you build your great wall?

[Dan Soder]

What were the pepper steaks in the sand?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. When did the wons of fun end? So stupid.

[Dan Soder]

What were the highs and low mains?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When did she become an unfortunate cookie?

[Dan Soder]

Was she spy ballooning on you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. More Mr. Rice guy. When did you know you were a gong? Yeah. Did you jump on the old Panda express and get out of there? You know what I mean?

[Dan Soder]

Did she start Covid. Sorry.

[Alex Hobson]

If she could have, she would have got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. That. My goodness. She was in the airborne division. All right, so 12 years. What was the final. What was the last straw? Even though they don't really put straws in the to go bags if you order. Okay. All right.

[Dan Soder]

You're good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trying to shoehorn these Chinese jokes.

[Mark Norman]

I really thought you were gonna say what was the last straw hat, but I didn't know.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is the one that's called punch up. Right there. That is. Are correct. Okay.

[Alex Hobson]

Basically watched it go from passionate and spontaneous into passionate, spontaneous and violent, and just tried to. Tried to keep everything as comfortable as I could for the sake of the kids and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many kids?

[Alex Hobson]

Two kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Lucky numbers. Two. Seventeen. All right.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're saying she went from sweet to sour?

[Alex Hobson]

I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Absolutely. No doubt about it.

[Dan Soder]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So have you been with Another woman since then.

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah. I actually went because I went from someone who was very thin where we didn't have a lot in common, where every conversation, things got a fat now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Alex Hobson]

Someone from very close. Grew up on a ranch like I did, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Grew up on a ranch and a thousand island by the looks of things.

[Alex Hobson]

Indeed.

[JP Hinsdale]

Indeed.

[Dan Soder]

Count it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness gracious. So you found a woman and are you gonna settle down with her?

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah. Things are happier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are calmer.

[JP Hinsdale]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys Netflix and Chill.

[Alex Hobson]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are into that. What do you watch? Love on the Spectrum.

[Alex Hobson]

Yeah, that's clever. We definitely do that now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[Alex Hobson]

I finally watch a lot of stand up, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Very cool. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Alex, thank you so much. Fun Times. Your 11th time ever on stage. Here's a little joke book for you. You tried your best. I like your style. You were honest in the interview. That goes a long way. Alex Hobson, everybody. Okay, all right. We're getting through it. Let's make this the Last Bucket poll tonight. That seems to make sense. Make some noise for your final comedian of the night. Brandon Battic, everybody. Brandon Battic.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[N]

I just turned 25, which sucks because I feel like I look like I killed a guy in the 70s. It's been lonely, man. I tried my hand at OnlyFans the other day. It's cool. It's his website where people post nudes. But to see the nudes, you have to pay a subscription fee. I was on this goth girls account. I look at her price, $25 a month. It's like, really girls out here competing with hbo? Max, Are you fucking kidding me, man? Like, listen, I bet your pussy's good, but it's not the Sopranos. Let's be real. Get a writer's room and an anime adaptation, then we'll talk. But I'll just stick with the centerfolds for now. I was using the bathroom before this. I hate using urinals, man. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is that people can see my back as I masturbate?

[Dan Soder]

Stories?

[N]

I'm Brandon back. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Granimatic. Hi, B. Brandon. Welcome to the show. How's it going? Your first time on, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah.

[N]

Big fan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. Hell, yeah. How long you been doing standup?

[Dan Soder]

Two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where are you from?

[N]

Worcester.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Worcester, Massachusetts. Do you live here now? Are you visiting?

[N]

I've been living here for a week now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, one week. How's it been going for you? Tell us about your week in Austin, Texas.

[N]

Sucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why does it suck?

[N]

I live above The Lot Lodge. It's the bar down the street. Because I was looking for a. I'm currently unemployed and it sucks, man. Between the hours of 3pm and 2am if you lay on my floor, you just vibrate, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You got a place above a bar?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah.

[N]

And then the water sucks, you shower, and you're just dirtier, you know, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[N]

The worst.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Incredible. So what do you do for work? I know you're unemployed right now, but what are you looking for?

[N]

So I actually in. In Massachusetts, I worked at a record store for two years. As you can tell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's crazy. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Looking at.

[N]

Maybe we're at like Waterloo or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think you're gonna get a job there?

[N]

I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just based off. You're gonna be like, look at.

[N]

Based off my smell, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay. Okay. So what types of things do people that work at record stores actually, like, know? They.

[N]

They know how to roll a joint. That's confirmed all the time. Blunts, joints. The business side, not so much. They never. They never tend to know how to run a business.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Incredible. 25 years old. Vinyl has never even been a thing since you've been alive, literally. Bluetooth forever. Yeah, right. Okay.

[N]

I was born past the CD era.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Yeah. No doubt about it. This is one of them. Red band, half your age. Half your age. That's what it looks like. It looks like the same age. It's incredible.

[Dan Soder]

You look like you've been hiding in the Jew tunnels.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ha.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[JP Hinsdale]

So are you Jewish?

[N]

No.

[Dan Soder]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are your face.

[N]

I'm Albanian.

[Raul Sanchez]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God worshiping Jews is what they are, folks. I do believe you Catholic. Used to be, but then what happened?

[Dan Soder]

I diddle.

[N]

I found Satan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Okay.

[N]

I'm a atheist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is okay. It's a little black hole sun for you.

[N]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So tell us something interesting about your life, Brandon. We get it. You're 25, you work in a record store, but you don't.

[Mark Norman]

You're into Satan like they all are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[N]

Interesting fact, when I was a kid, I used to breed a Betta fish. The Chinese fighting fish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Yeah, our last comedian was married to one. Yeah, yeah. He was a Beta cuckfish. Killing it on the jet ski. So other than raising betta fish as a child, is there anything else that we might be surprised to know about

[N]

you, Brandon B. I. I did fencing for 10 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Dan Soder]

Putting up that border wall. Oh. Oh, I white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I see actual fencing. Okay. I'm starting to figure this out. It's Starting to make sense. Rich parents, middle class. That's what rich parents. People with rich parents hide.

[Mark Norman]

The fact that his father is Rob Zombie. This is Josh Zombie, the son of Josh Zombie. His government name is Michael Zombie.

[Dan Soder]

He's like Marilyn Hansen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What does your father do for a living?

[N]

He sold car insurance, actually.

[Mark Norman]

He digs through the ditches and burns through the witches.

[N]

That's at night.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brandon back Battic a decent set. Welcome to Austin. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe. There goes Brandon Battic, everybody. Quick one for him tonight. And that brings us to that undeniable moment in the show where only one thing in the world can possibly happen. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Kill Tony. Hall of famer and record holder for all time sets and interviews with a brand new minute. Yes, yet again, the Memphis Strangler. The tijuana tarantula. The St. Louis Laredo. Lady Killer. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Big Red Machine. This is indeed William Montgomery with a brand new minute. Oh, my goodness, it's him.

[William Montgomery]

Everybody says dogs are racist, but mine's actually homophobic. I tried to take my dog to San Francisco and she said, and I quote, either board me or euthanize me. 47 year old Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny was recently found dead in prison. Russian officials said he died from sudden death syndrome, which is kind of weird because I didn't even realize he knew Hillary Clinton. This is a really weird rumor, but I just heard the Aaliyah plane crash happen because the pilot tried to ghost ride the whip. Okay, that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Wow. Doing it like only he can do it. Ladies and gentlemen, William Lights Out Montgomery with another super topical set mixed in with an Aaliyah plank crash. Unbelievable. I love it. You cover the death of the. What was it? The journalist?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, Alexi Navalny. I mean, it's. It's really crazy how Hillary Clinton really has reached her tentacles even to the far reaches of our planet Earth. I mean, I'm almost a little worried to even talk about her fucking old ogre looking fucking ass right now because. And I'm worried, Tony. I'm worried about myself today. I was watching. I was at my perch and I was watching this homeless man go through the garbage can for a couple hours and I finally got up the nerve to get a bag of trash that I just made. And I went out there and I started talking to him in this really aggressive, massive southern accent, just trying to scare his ass.

[Dan Soder]

And he's just looking in a mirror. All right, all right.

[William Montgomery]

But yeah, I Mean, yeah, I was.

[Dan Soder]

What you do you kill him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[William Montgomery]

But I did go back out there. I got my pocket knife and I went back out there because he was still out there. And I said, you can go through the shed. Just clean it all up. And when I get back, I had to leave somewhere. When I get back, all the shit's still on the ground. So I go up to him and I'm like, hey, are you gonna clean

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

all this shit up?

[William Montgomery]

What are you gonna. Are you leaving it there? And then I was like, have fun on the streets. And my freaking. I got in trouble. My girlfriend heard me say that, and she was like, you seemed okay, okay. But then when you said, have fun on the streets, she took offense to that. So maybe I shouldn't have said that. But he started coming at me, Tony. And I ran up the stairs of my apartment like a little, because I didn't want to have a confrontation. But he. He came at me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you let me just. I just want to let you know why Red Band and I are holding back laughter right now, deeply. Because all the stuff that William talks about tends to be. You know, I don't want to give away the kayfabe and the beauty of the show. Show. But, you know, it's not always real with William. You know, the sponsorship, some of the things that he says and does. But when it comes to the living neighbor of his neighborhood, William Montgomery, everything that you hear is real. So when he's saying that he's going to build an escalator in his apartment. Not true. Right? But when he's talking about seeing things outside of his window. Window. Or sitting on his perch, These are the things that he talks about in the green room before a show, in a theater. These are the things he talks about on an airplane, at fancy restaurants, at Mitzi's after an episode of Kill Tony, when everybody's talking about thriving and the future, Arenas, he goes, this neighbor, it's like a real thing. So this story, the reason why Red Man's dying of life. Laughter. Is because we know that that actually happened today.

[William Montgomery]

It did.

[Dan Soder]

The only thing I don't believe is the girlfriend. That part stood out to me.

[William Montgomery]

But would you have guessed? Or what would you say, like a boyfriend or what would you. Or just. Or just by myself.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I assume you're in a trailer rotting away.

[Cam Patterson]

I have been.

[William Montgomery]

I was eating butterfingers this weekend in two bites. I was getting.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa.

[Raul Sanchez]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, I ate like five of them. I had the munchies so bad on Saturday night.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. A little weed.

[William Montgomery]

Yes. Smoking a little weed. And yeah, I ate five butter fingers and ten bites.

[Alex Hobson]

Nice.

[Dan Soder]

That's. That's an accomplishment.

[Casey Rocket]

Stats.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, Good. Good numbers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you talking about the actual full size Butterfinger or were you going bite size here?

[William Montgomery]

No, full size. Not king size, but regular size.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You weren't choking on the Butterfinger?

[William Montgomery]

No, I mean, if I can get half of it in my mouth, the whole I can literally, with a little pushing, get it down my throat. Because literally you don't get as full if you're just kind of forcing it down your throat. And I really wanted to eat Butterfingers. I was having a bad time during one of the sets. All the sets went good at Spokane, but the first Friday, I see these two pieces of sitting in the very front and they immediately position, position their phone where it looks like it's recording me, which is fine. But then halfway through, in real time, I'm thinking they're recording me. I'm bombing. So I'm having this whole inner monologue thing during the set. So it's a disaster in my eyes. I think it was fine for everybody else, but it was scary, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what did you do? Did you acknowledge the phone?

[William Montgomery]

I didn't, but I was acknowledging everybody else. I was calling everybody else a and going really aggressively after everybody. But I was too scared because I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

thought the phone be positioned to look like it's really recording. Was it flat on the table?

[William Montgomery]

It was positioned up on something with the speaker part where closest to me. So, I mean, that means they were recording me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You didn't think about saying anything.

[William Montgomery]

Too much of a pussy, man. I mean, that's why it killed me earlier with that homeless dude. I should have got my knife out and really finally showed somebody who's boss. Because, Tony, I swear, all I talk about strangling so much, there's a side of me that really wants to start strangling or something. So tonight could have been my chance. I probably could have gotten away with that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I don't understand, William. What I don't understand.

[William Montgomery]

You think that's funny, you dumbass. You'd be the first person I fucking got. And everybody would think you just had a fucking heart attack or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dumbass.

[JP Hinsdale]

Except for all the cum everywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you were to choke me. There you go. He trapped you. He trapped you into bombing just then. Yeah, okay, so what I don't understand is, you know, I see you here all the time. I take you on the road all the time. You're Always crushing. How is it possible that at your own show where people are specifically buying tickets to William Montgomery, why do you feel like you were bombing? How does that happen?

[William Montgomery]

No, I don't think I actually was just in my head, I'm thinking that's happening. So it's. I don't. I don't. I don't think it was actually happening. I think it was actually going okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[William Montgomery]

So it was. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

What about a special? We're gonna have a. We're gonna get like a special on YouTube from you soon.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, we'll see. I mean, it's taken me freaking coon's age to come up with 45 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't believe you're allowed to be able to. I don't think.

[Mark Norman]

No, no. With the beard taking me, it clears.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long is a. What? You said how long is that length of time? I guess maybe we should ask John D's or D Madness. Okie dokie. You know, actually, that reminds me, I think we have something for D Madness, don't we? Can we bring that out now? Would that be crazy to do that? That this is kind of improvised? Just grab it right now and then we'll do that. So, William, is there anything you're passionate about this week? Have you been eating your all fiber brand buds?

[William Montgomery]

I did earlier today. And actually in Spokane, I had the best pancakes I've ever had in my life. I've never had a pancake with not only buttermilk but also sourdough mix. And with the pancakes, it was to die for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

Actually fucking kind of pumped about that. That was it, Spokane?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that where you learn the terminology, Akun's age?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

After one of the shows, these five or six kind of scary looking white dudes came up to me from Coeur d'. Alene. But yeah, they were pretty nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We've actually looked it up. A coon's age means a very long time. It is an American is that has fallen out of favor and is considered offensive to many people. Coon is a slang for raccoon. Coined in the mid-1700s, the term coon's age was first used in the early 1800s and in fact owes its origin to the folk belief that raccoons live a long time. Look at that. Not racist at all.

[Dan Soder]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just about the long life of a little animal. There you go. Theon's finally laughing. Now he's allowed to laugh. For a raccoon, it is long believed the Folk belief that raccoons are long lived.

[JP Hinsdale]

I never thought it was racist, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean. Well, that's racist to not think it's racist. Actually, it's more racist to not think it's racist. A seat.

[Dan Soder]

All right, this segment feels like a coon. You're gonna be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're gonna see this one on YouTube and you're gonna see this one on YouTube and you're gonna be like, hey, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Heidi. First of all, I haven't said anything about this tonight, but first of all, I'd like you to see how beautifully this cake is decorated. I know. Don't know if you can tilt that towards them without it falling off. But at midnight it is indeed D Madness's birthday, everybody. And we've had a cake decorated, as you can tell. It says Happy birthday D Madness on it. I don't know if you guys can see that. And I think it's only fitting that to end tonight's episode of Kill Tony Williams. William, you should lead us in singing Happy Birthday to D Madness, everybody.

[William Montgomery]

Happy birthday to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday D Madness. Happy birthday. Say to you. Blow out the candle. All right. Blow out your. Blow out your candles, D Madness. It's right in front of you. Blow, blow. Yeah, you got it. I'll give it to you. And that is tonight's episode. Make some noise for Dan Soder on the road. Literally right now. Go to dan Soder on YouTube and watch his special. I want him to get the full effects of the Kill Tony bump. One more time for Dan Soder. How about one more time for the great and powerful Mark Norman, Everybody. Mark Norman, Comedy.com for all of his tour dates Tuesday with stories we might be drunk. Two of the best podcasts out there. Check out Soder's podcast, sodor. How about one more time you time for Jet Ski, everybody. She's on tour. Jet ski johnson comedy.com jet skijohnson.com yeah, the drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in. It's absolutely stunning. Thank you to Squarespace. Shopify. Red rose, yellow rose gel blaster. Let's see the drawing from Chris Rogers. Oh, Cam. And David Jolly. Unbelievable. How about one more time for the band Sorrel Sh, Michael Gonzalez, Jet Ski Johnson, John Dees. One more time for the birthday boy, D Madness. Check out the Sunset Strip. ATX.com Love you guys. Congratulations to JP Hinsdale joining us at the Kia Forum. Still some tickets left from Madison Square Garden. We will see you guys soon. We love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. It. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Sa.