#659 - DAVID SPADE + DAVE ATTELL

Summary

KILL TONY #659: DAVID SPADE + DAVE ATTELL
April 16, 2024 | Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX

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Episode Overview

This landmark episode of Kill Tony brings together two comedy giants: Dave Attell (promoting his new Netflix special "Hot Cross Buns") and David Spade (host of "The Superfly" podcast, known for SNL, "Just Shoot Me," "Joe Dirt"). Recorded live at Austin’s Comedy Mothership, the show features up-and-coming comics performing one minute of stand-up, followed by rapid-fire, often irreverent interviews and panel roasts. The episode spotlights the unpredictable energy of live comedy, celebrates comedy community camaraderie, and delivers a blend of brutal honesty, absurdity, and career wisdom from masters of the craft.

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Table of Contents

1. Opening Banter & Guest Introductions
2. Regular Casey Rocket’s Set & Banter
3. Bucket Pulls – Highlights from Contestants
   • Caleb Barge
   • J.P. Lambiase
   • Giovanni Vadana
   • Corey Smith
   • Zebulon
   • Kent Hunter
   • Nate Barnard
   • Yvette Palafox
4. Notable Quotes & Moments
5. Headliner/Regular Sets & Closing

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1. Opening Banter & Guest Introductions

[00:45–04:19]

• Tony Hinchcliffe welcomes a packed crowd, intros band & co-host Brian Redban.
• Announces tonight’s special lineup: “Two all-time greats... Dave Attell and David Spade!”
• Attell plugs his new special, “Hot Cross Buns” on Netflix, cracks first joke:
  • “Next time you stroke me, please use some lube.” – Dave Attell [03:54]
• Spade jokes about being sent to the wrong place:
  • “I think I went in the wrong room... was supposed to be at traffic school now.” [04:19]

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2. Regular Casey Rocket’s Set & Banter

[06:06–12:09]

60-second Set:

• Surreal, absurd start: “A lot of people say ‘my body, my choice,’ but I always say ‘somebody should be on The Voice.’ I’m a very good singer.”
• Dark, zany grape-choking childhood story:
  • “I used to swallow grapes whole till I was 12... because that’s how kings eat grapes.” [06:49]

Panel Banter:

• Tony: “Where does your writing process come from?”
• Casey: “Most of the time I’ll just remember. I used to swallow grapes. Maybe that’s funny.” [07:55]
• Running gag with Spade: Fake photos together (Casey, Spade, Mucinex mascot)
• Spade: “It feels a little AI, but I don’t mind it.” [10:42]
• Attell: “Never seen a guy so lonely with a laser printer.” [11:34]

Tone: Wild, surreal humor, riffing blends Spade’s dry wit and Attell’s snipes with Casey’s absurdity.

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3. Bucket Pulls – Highlights & Panel Reactions

A. Caleb Barge

[12:48–21:03]

• Topic Highlights: Christian upbringing, evolution skepticism, foot job porn, Costa Rican vasectomy ($250), rocky relationship with conservative dad.
• Memorable moment: Live on-stage failed attempt to call estranged father.
• Attell: “First of all, it was calming and refreshing. Kind of like a pile of burning books.” [14:15]

B. J.P. Lambiase

[21:36–30:44]

• Italian-adoptive background (“Asians don’t adopt white babies; why buy C students?”), complicated YouTube breakup, legal woes, gender/sexuality fluidity, pro laser tag player, claims of living in car post-breakup.
• Spade: “Did pretty good. You’re also not Italian, so there’s a lot of ‘not’ things happening.” [24:00]

C. Giovanni Vadana

[30:58–38:25]

• Sets about dating, being a “Dreamer” (DACA recipient), family disappointment, eats ass, “I love black booty and white drugs.” [36:40]
• Attell: “For a guy with your background, at least iron your slacks. Come on.” [37:25]

D. Corey Smith

[38:57–49:59]

• Baldness, house haircut stories, 11-year veteran storyteller, wild sex life: two threesomes, both partners eating his ass.
• Tony, on the explicit details: “This guy is singlehandedly causing a super-strain of an STD. This is how coronavirus started.” [49:28]

E. Zebulon (Zeb Green)

[65:32–74:41]

• 20 years of chronic pain (“married to pain”), losing 130 lbs, failed marriage jokes, morbid stories, spinal injury, inspirational journey.
• Attell gives a helium balloon to ‘cheer him up’: “The breath of a dying man.” [73:50]
• Tony: "I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday!" [74:27]

F. Kent Hunter

[75:25–82:32]

• Discusses previously arranged “virgin” date, comedic failures, social awkwardness, not losing his virginity: “I personally wasn’t that attracted to her.” [77:44]
• Spade: “Team up with the threesome guy and get some tips.” [80:30]

G. Nate Barnard

[83:31–97:29]

• Bits: Dating app for school shooters ("duck left, duck right"), girlfriend crisis actor, OnlyFans, Armstrong brothers, Whole Foods job stories.
• Wins audience kiss (by Sarah, a Persian audience member): “This might be the greatest mismatch of looks in the history of this segment.” – Tony [95:01]
• Nate: "I've been signing up for a year and a half straight." [97:27]

H. Yvette Palafox (First-Time Comic)

[98:34–114:28]

• Debut standup: Santa/sexual joke, nerves visible.
• Tony and panel give notes, write new jokes for her, probe her background (Spanish/Apache heritage, “party manpower” business, stories about ex, dog custody, and crashing a Trump parade).
• Hilarious slip: “95% of my business is Indian community.” "Not Native Americans, Indian-Indians."
• Attell: "Don't sign anything Tony gives you..." [104:11]
• Tony: “There’s something about you I really like. You're funnier than you know.” [114:15]

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4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Tony introduces high-stakes lineup: “This one’s been not months, but many years in the making.” [02:10]
• Attell on killing time: “Never seen a guy so lonely with a laser printer.” [11:34]
• Spade on J.P. Lambiase: “Did pretty good. You’re also not Italian...” [24:00]
• Corey Smith’s sexcapades:
  • “Had both of them eat my ass. Did the whole ‘rusty trombone’ situation.” – Corey [47:27]
  • Tony: “Front door to back door, they eat your ass, then what happens?” [46:39]
• Boos and cheers for first-timers; advice from legends Attell/Spade peppered throughout
• The Comedy Kiss Cam:
  • “Look at the confidence change on Nate Bernard. He has color in his face!” – Tony [95:35]
• Balloon for pain relief: “All it took was a quarter-filled balloon...” [73:39]
• Writing 'joke session' for Yvette: Tony, Spade & Attell brainstorming one-liners for her unique background.
• Tony on Zebulon’s journey: “Comedy, literally, saved my life... I just need comedy, not to eat.” [71:24]
• William Montgomery on doing standup:
  • “I have had it before...two litre bottles of urine at a time. I just hang on to them.” [119:23]

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5. Headliner/Regular Sets & Closing

Martin Phillips – Golden Ticket Winner/Regular

[50:49–57:49]

• Jokes: True crime podcast (needs to murder people first), Dalmatian/firehouse, vacation vs. marriage analogy, impersonates RFK Jr.
• Banter: Shares story of fan including NDA in DM; tribute to late comic friend J. Agbonne.
• Panel: "Awesome joke writing," – Dave Attell [53:13]

Colt – Producer & Performer

[58:44–64:09]

• Martial arts background, surprise yo-yo routine, major staff appreciation/fan favorite.
• Panel riffs: “Funny, flexible, with that yo-yo thing available, this guy, hang on to him, Tony.” – Attell [63:26]

William Montgomery – Headlining Regular

[115:47–126:47]

• Jokes: Spade looks too young, Redban/soliciting tens, Hillary Clinton joke streak.
• Famed for crowd work, Cameo fame, and collecting bottles of urine.
• On growth: “Now you're doing 50+ minutes and glancing at the notebook only at the very, very end of these sets.” – Tony [121:00]
• Panel: “You do exude confidence.” – Spade [117:20]
• William: "I've been dedicating my life to this...I've been pissing in bottles, stupid." [124:16]

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Notable Quotes (w/ Timestamps)

• “Next time you stroke me, please use some lube.” — Dave Attell [03:54]
• “This might be the greatest mismatch of looks in the history of this segment.” — Tony Hinchcliffe, Kiss Cam [95:01]
• “Never seen a guy so lonely with a laser printer.” — Dave Attell [11:34]
• “I used to swallow grapes till I was 12...that’s how kings eat grapes.” — Casey Rocket [06:49]
• “Two threesomes, both partners eating my ass...this guy is singlehandedly causing a super-strain of an STD!” — Tony/Panel [49:28]
• “If you continue, take the notes, enunciate...don’t combine your words...this could be something really fun for you.” — Tony to Yvette [114:15]
• “You’re the best in the history of the show.” — Tony to Montgomery [126:48]
• “You reset the bar of what the fuck a comedian is supposed to be. Literally. You are the best.” — Tony on Dave Attell [127:56]

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Final Thoughts & Tone

The evening is a loving, sometimes merciless blend of roast, genuine encouragement, and insider comic camaraderie. The interplay between Attell and Spade is electric—Attell brings dark, quick jabs; Spade offers sly, dry tag-ons. Tony masterfully threads new comic’s nerves with panel support, while the band and regulars keep the funny unrelenting and fresh.

This is a must-hear (or must-see) for fans of sharp comedy, behind-the-scenes craft, and live unpredictability. It’s also a celebration of risk, resilience (as highlighted by Zebulon), and the everyday weirdness that feeds true stand-up.

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For more: Watch Kill Tony live Mondays, or subscribe for weekly episodes. Dave Attell's "Hot Cross Buns" is now on Netflix.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redban and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at desquad tv. And don't forget to check out everything.

[Brian Redban]

Tony [e-mail] and the Sunset Strips, my

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

new comedy club in Austin, Texas. Go to sunsetstripatx.com and now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you

[Brian Redban]

live from the comedy mothership here in

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitch. Clip. Ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Yeah. You made it. Make some noise to Redban, everybody. Hey, we're here. You did it. You're at Kill Tony, the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Talk Space, Squarespace and Freeze Pipe. How about a hand for the best? Deal. Damn band in the land, huh? That's the great on the horns, Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo. That's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Matt Muling on the electric guitar. John B's on the keys right behind me. And of course, the great and powerful D Madness on the bass guitar. Everybody, before we get started tonight, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking episode, huh? Well, well, well. As you may know, I book every single episode of this show. This one has been not months, but many years in the making to get our two guests at the same time. How lucky are we? Two of the all time greats, ladies and gentlemen, our guests tonight are Dave Attell and David Spade. Oh my God. Magical. The audience is on their goddamn feet. David Spade, David's Hill. Oh, shit. Yeah. Ye.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah. You're in it tonight, motherfuckers. Dave Attell, the new special, Hot Cross Buns on Netflix.

[Dave Attell]

Thank you, Tony. Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back, Dave.

[Dave Attell]

And there's no better place to pitch it than Austin, Texas. Am I right, guys?

[J.P. Lambiase]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. You had an amazing weekend here. I. I came to your show last night. It was un believable. Truly one of the best in the world.

[Dave Attell]

Well, you know what? Next time you stroke me, please use some lube.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here we go. Oh, wow.

[Dave Attell]

First joke of the show. Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. David Spade, your First time on the show. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to Austin. Welcome to Kill Tony the Superfly podcast with Dana Carvey. Available everywhere.

[David Spade]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But tonight you're at Kill Tony, right?

[David Spade]

I think I went in the wrong room, but supposed to be a traffic school now. Thank you for having me. And this is going to be a great seven hours. I cannot wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, we're going.

[David Spade]

Ready to hear some jokes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are going long tonight. And lucky for us, over 200 innocent souls have signed up for the opportunity. 200 plus, over 200. They're all piled in at a bar next door. The great poor choices here on 6th Street. And they've probably made some poor choices tonight because some of them are wild. Anything can happen. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear and that interrupts them. And then I interview them. We find out more about them and what they could be talking about or should be talking about. And that's how that goes. We're pre polling the first name. And while they go wrangle that person from across the street, we will start with one of our esteemed regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, how many of you are fans of the show?

[Dave Attell]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, as you may know, Hans Kim is taking a little vacation right now. And we have had a thunderstorm of a new regular. Absolutely force of nature, A cold blooded assassin. Ladies and gentlemen, kicking off the show with an uninterrupted 60 seconds, I present to you the great and powerful Casey Rocket.

[Casey Rocket]

Tell me something, girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very cool. Hell yeah.

[David Spade]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

That was actually pretty good, folks. A lot of people say my body, my choice, but I always say somebody should be on the Voice. I'm a very good singer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, cool.

[Casey Rocket]

Get real. I'm starving. Can I get a People's Temple, please?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

It's like a Shirley Temple, but Jonestown style. So it's pretty cool. It's where they crush up a bunch of Vicodin and put it in a cup of flavor Aid instead of dying. I live for the first time in my entire life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on,

[Casey Rocket]

tell me something cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Get real. I used to swallow grapes whole until I was 12 years old.

[Kent Hunter]

And

[Casey Rocket]

so, like, three times a week, I would. I would choke on grapes and. Cause that's how kings would eat grapes in cartoons. They'd have a big bushel of grapes. So three times a week, my mom would run in my room and be choking on grapes. And it's like Don Vito on Viva La Bay.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'd be like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And she'd go, you're not a king.

[Martin Phillips]

We love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not a king. And I was like, love means nothing when it seeps from the lips of a harlot. Thank you. I'm Casey Rocket.

[David Spade]

All right.

[William Montgomery]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1 minute, 15 seconds from Casey Rocket. Another unbelievable performance. Absolutely weird as hell. I love the. In the entrance tonight, the old man turned into young man maneuver.

[Casey Rocket]

It's like a Willy Wonka thing, is that I was trying to do. Like when Willy Wonka walks down the street and, oh, he can't walk. He's so scary. And I'm young.

[Dave Attell]

It was me.

[Caleb Barge]

I'm young.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I didn't pick that up.

[Casey Rocket]

It's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A force of nature, the grapes thing. I mean, where. What is your writing process exactly?

[Casey Rocket]

Most of the time, I'll just remember.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

I used to swallow grapes. I was like, I guess that maybe that's funny and it's kind of funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, it is true. Definitely funny. I've also noticed that you sing a part of a new song every week, and I love it. Is that a thing? Like, how do you. How do you decide what song you're going to kind of sing?

[Casey Rocket]

Listening to my heart and trusting. Trusting my managers and my agents and, you know, down the grapevine, they kind of tell me what they want to pump up the charts. So it's a Nashville thing. It's part of the Nashville scene.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. Okay.

[Casey Rocket]

Big Nashville crowd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. We're just on the road this weekend with the great William Montgomery. How'd that go? Where'd you guys go?

[Casey Rocket]

We went to Tacoma, Washington.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Went to Tacoma. Yeah. Did some. Did some shows.

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

It was fun. Yeah. Me and William, big riffs. It was cool. It's cool to meet these guys. I was gonna say it's really good to meet you, but, David, we've already met. Do you remember when we met?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

I think you were my best boy tonight. No, I'm kidding.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Tell me.

[Casey Rocket]

I thought you might not remember, so I brought some pictures of times that we've hung out before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, we've seen this before. Casey has a. A partnership with Kinko or Walgreens Print Shop.

[Casey Rocket]

These are me and David. We've been friends for years. That was us with the Mucinex guy.

[William Montgomery]

LA Dodgers game.

[David Spade]

He was so weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was.

[Casey Rocket]

He was so weird. Got very slimy. Yeah, that was kind of cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he is wearing the same sunglasses tonight. Same look.

[David Spade]

That's my look, man.

[Casey Rocket]

A couple guys taking in the ball game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Just a good time.

[Casey Rocket]

We called it an early night and then we went home and the space shuttle Challenger exploded.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God. That took me off guard. Something romantic about it, though.

[Casey Rocket]

That's not how you want to end any night at the ballpark. And so we're watching it and still

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it still happens in the morning.

[David Spade]

We stayed all night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. Sometimes Casey can't decide which one of two pictures he wants to use, so he uses both.

[Casey Rocket]

Just pushing the story along. We're watching it and then, you know, we're kind of taking it out. You loved it. You know, just. Oh, my God. We couldn't take our eyes off of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. So we start.

[Casey Rocket]

Oh, you faced the camera on that one. So everyone could really see that he was watching it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. You don't remember any of this, David?

[Giovanni Vadana]

No.

[David Spade]

It feels a little AI, But I don't know. I don't mind it.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I didn't know.

[Casey Rocket]

Then we decided we were going to stop it from ever happening again. We put it. We suited up commando style and we shut down NASA from the inside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[David Spade]

Well, those were the days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Anytime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Well, it's good that you're used to doing this because when you're for your next gig where you're holding up a song, we'll sing for food. I think that

[Casey Rocket]

I thought this one was kind of fun because it's the ending of Fight Club. So we're holding hands and we're like, I met you at a very strange time in my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the Mucinex guy is also in the corner of that one.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Is he?

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, yeah, he's down there.

[David Spade]

He couldn't shake that dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is absolutely incredible.

[David Spade]

Crowd bugger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David, Tell. You ever seen anything quite like a Casey?

[Dave Attell]

I've never seen a guy so lonely with a laser printer. I never are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We let you talk now. You got way, dude.

[Dave Attell]

Fucking big ones go by. By the way, has anything could ever come out of an envelope like that? Can I say that? That?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you doing now?

[Dave Attell]

Wake up, David.

[David Spade]

I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Casey. You're a goddamn superstar. We absolutely love you. Thanks for getting this show started again. That's how it's done, ladies and gentlemen. A new minute every week from the newest regular, Casey Rocket. Casey.

[David Spade]

Let's do it again sometime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we found that. Everybody. Casey, Cam. Everyone, you. Oh, look, it's the lovely Heidi, everybody. With some Liquid Deaths and some American spirits. The whole kitten caboodle tonight. Unbelievable stuff. Our first bucket pool is behind the curtain and ready to go. Ladies and gentlemen. Anything can happen. Could be the next superstar of the show. Could be an insane person. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Caleb Barge. We're gonna meet them all together. Caleb Barge, everyone.

[Caleb Barge]

How's it going?

[J.P. Lambiase]

Cool.

[Caleb Barge]

I was raised really religious. And my parents put me in a private Christian school. And there they taught me that we were created by God and we did not evolve from monkeys. If anybody here believes we did not evolve from monkeys, I want you to go home and Google foot job porn. Have you seen that shit? Foot job porn? A girl jerking a dude off of their feet. That's the most monkey shit I've ever seen in my life. Freeze your hands up to eat bananas. I found this thing link. It's Footjobhorne.com. my dad was a really religious one. He was. He did not like gay people at all. He told me this once. He was like, caleb, the way that gay guys have sex, it's disgusting. They do each other in the butt. That's where poop comes from. I was like, dude, they're not doing each other well. They're taking a shit. Right? Every hole in the human body has a non sexual function. And when it's not doing that function, that's when you're supposed to stick your penis in it. Right? You don't try to get a blowjob from somebody eating a sandwich. You wait without eating a sandwich. Right? You guys are awesome. Thank you so much.

[Giovanni Vadana]

That was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Caleb Barge. Solid minute.

[David Spade]

He came a little under.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, didn't he?

[David Spade]

I didn't hear the meow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Yeah, it was right there. 59 seconds. Yeah. Nailed it. Dave Attell, I would say.

[Dave Attell]

What's your name again?

[Caleb Barge]

Caleb.

[Dave Attell]

Of course it is. Now, I thought you were an Ezekiel, but, Caleb, it was. First of all, it was calming and refreshing. Kind of like a pile of burning books. And I think your dad will back me up on that.

[J.P. Lambiase]

All right.

[Dave Attell]

I liked it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

I thought the energy was just right for the situation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it was good. Really solid Christian school monkeys, evolution. Foot job porn. Dave, you ever watched foot job porn?

[Dave Attell]

Where I come from, we call it river dance.

[Nate Barnard]

Now,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

come on, y'. All.

[Dave Attell]

Sorry. I'm getting ready for the little room upstairs. Caleb, how long you been doing comedy?

[Caleb Barge]

13 years.

[Dave Attell]

13 years. And before that?

[David Spade]

Huh? I bet the under on that. Oh, no, I'm kidding, Dave. Caleb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for a living, Caleb?

[Caleb Barge]

I work from home. I'm a project coordinator.

[Dave Attell]

You would Know this. What time Is the Buc ee's open now?

[Caleb Barge]

Buc ee's open? I don't know, 6:00am no, it's 24 hours, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right, 24 hours. No doubt about it.

[Caleb Barge]

That's where you can watch all the foot job porn you want to in the bathrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of projects are you coordinating from home?

[Caleb Barge]

So tech, like tech jobs and stuff like that. Like big Fortune 100 client companies want to like update their mapping software and stuff, so they contract it out. So I just run it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun? 13 years in stand up comedy. Where. Where did you do the 13 years

[Caleb Barge]

at New York City.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you live here now or you just.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I just moved here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago?

[Caleb Barge]

December.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

December, yeah. What do you love about Austin? Anything stand out to you so far?

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I mean, it's. I got really tired of New York City. I mean, I like just. It's. There's. You can actually walk around and there's not a million fucking people. I really enjoy that. And the food's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Caleb Barge]

You know, I really like it here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, what do you do for fun, Caleb? Tell us something about your wild side when you're not doing stand up.

[Caleb Barge]

I did some traveling the past few years, so. Yeah, I went to Costa Rica.

[David Spade]

Okay, nice.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I got a vasectomy there.

[Dave Attell]

Was that your idea of the courts? Whose idea was that?

[Caleb Barge]

Definitely mine. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's.

[David Spade]

That's the place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The old Costa Rican vasectomy.

[Caleb Barge]

It was 250 bucks. I put it on a credit card. I was just like, hell, yeah.

[Kent Hunter]

Wow.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you weren't scared? It didn't seem like 250 was a little low.

[Caleb Barge]

I don't. Well, I'll do anything not to have a kid, you know, like also getting far. His way of using condoms. Condoms suck. I'd rather just do that. But yeah, it was. It was actually a very pleasant experience. The doctor told me a joke before he did the operation. It was good.

[David Spade]

Were you awake during, you know.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I was awake the whole time. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the joke that the doctor told me?

[Caleb Barge]

Okay, so he said it in Spanish and then the nurse translated so to me and she was like. He said, you're now like the guy the sugar that doesn't make women fat. And I was like, that's a pretty good joke for a doctor.

[Yvette Palafox]

You know,

[David Spade]

let's fly him in.

[Dave Attell]

So did you get the.

[David Spade]

Sounds like he's got a tight one joke.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Nice.

[Dave Attell]

So when you got back to The States and shout out that heroin. What was that like?

[William Montgomery]

Shot.

[Caleb Barge]

The heroin was good.

[Dave Attell]

What happened back?

[Brian Redban]

We.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goodness. That's okay. He's blind. He can get away.

[Dave Attell]

I thought that was the bonus round sound.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Caleb, one last question. What's the thing that we would be most surprised to know about your entire life history, other than a Costa Rican vasectomy from a guy telling you jokes for $250?

[Caleb Barge]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a weird childhood or anything like that?

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah. Christian upbringing can do that. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are your parents still super Christian?

[Caleb Barge]

My mom is still, but she's cool, like my dad. Me and my dad don't really talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you talked to your dad?

[Caleb Barge]

Like, four years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how did that conversation go and end?

[Caleb Barge]

It was on Father's Day. It was weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it.

[David Spade]

Well, he's here now,

[Caleb Barge]

so he got. He's very conservative. And. And I went out and I marched for Black Lives Matter when I knew before it was bullshit, you know, And.

[Dave Attell]

Whoa.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, they fucking. They scammed people.

[Dave Attell]

That's a YouTube channel over from here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, but he. Yeah, he just, like. He judged me. Soon as it was Father's Day, I called him up and he judged me immediately. And I just was like, I'm tired.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did he say exactly? Can you remember what he said?

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, he was like, this is fucking hilarious. He was just like, you weren't out marching, were you? I was like, yeah, it's the first thing you said to me. And I said. And he was like, this music's great. And he was like. He was like, oh, I didn't think you were smart. He basically said I was dumb for marching. And I was just like, all right, well, happy Father's Day, dad. It's like, this is weird.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been four years since you called him.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I just was tired of that shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we get a phone unlocker up here? We have his phone. You want to call your dad and tell. Can we call your dad and.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many. You think we should call his dad right now?

[David Spade]

I've got his old number.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you. When you hit. When you.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I don't.

[Caleb Barge]

I don't have his number, but I'm gonna try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's.

[Dave Attell]

Dialing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's just. Let's just guess.

[Dave Attell]

Whoever picks up, call him dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaker. Okay, put it on speaker and put the butt of the phone up to the microphone. Speaker. The butt of the phone. The bottom. There you go. Right to the tip. Not the side? What? Do you have a hard drive in there? What's hanging from the bottom of your phone? It's not even ringing.

[Caleb Barge]

It's ringing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you out of data? You have daddy and data issues. Is it on speakerphone?

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, Tony, it's on. You've taken the show to a new level, buddy. Watching a guy make a phone call. Awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. It's live. Okay. No, no, don't put the voicemail up there. Okay.

[Dave Attell]

Well, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you have it. Looks like he still hasn't forgiven.

[Dave Attell]

I guess you'll have to connect with your. I guess you'll just have to connect with him through QAnon, you know?

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah, I think he's into that shit, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Well, we tried Caleb sign up again. Solid minute. Congratulations.

[David Spade]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke book. Actually, you know what? Here's a big joke book. There you go. It's good.

[David Spade]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Caleb Barge, ladies and gentlemen. And that's how it starts. Congrats, Caleb. All right, we got another bucket pool. We're gonna keep it moving. Make some noise for your next comedian. 60 seconds uninterrupted for J.P. lambiase, everybody. J.P. lambias. Here comes J.P. yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I don't know if you guys can tell from the lights, but I'm Italian,

[Giovanni Vadana]

all right?

[J.P. Lambiase]

The truth is, I was bought by a couple Italians, okay? And that's the thing, though. I see a lot of. See a lot of white people buying Asian babies. Okay? It's true. My parents bought three, but I don't see a lot of Asians buying white babies. Like, that doesn't make any sense, right? Like, why would Asians spend money on a C student? My. My girlfriend, actually. She cheated on me with another Asian. Yeah, it's cool. It's not her fault. She said she thought it was me. Turns out it was Hans Kim. I didn't see it coming. Is that a minute? That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Dave Attell]

Nice.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

Whoa. He gets extra points for doing his time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly a minute. Welcome to the show. J.P. lambiase. Is that how you say that last name? You do not look like a lambiase.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Yeah, it was. It was a friend. It was Italian name. They made it French, so it's Lambiase because they wanted to get over here. Good. So I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which coast did they arrive from?

[J.P. Lambiase]

New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you're really Italian.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'm a New Yorker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I was actually raised very Italian.

[Dave Attell]

Hey.

[David Spade]

Hey.

[J.P. Lambiase]

What up, huh?

[Dave Attell]

Whoa. Get a test now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So your parents are what, the mom is Asian Calabrese, huh?

[J.P. Lambiase]

Dad's Sicilian grandparents are racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. But seriously, what kind of Asian are you?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'm South Korean. I'm not. The other part.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Good. Great.

[Dave Attell]

Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, J.P. how long you been doing stand up?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I started in 2010.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. Another veteran of the game. Two people, 26 years of experience between the first two bucket pools. That's incredible.

[David Spade]

13. It's funny that. 13 years and they lean at the tape at a minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You know what I mean? They.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'm not good.

[David Spade]

No, I didn't. No, no, you did pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're also not Italian, so there's a lot of not things happening.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Also my wife through it. You know what I'm saying?

[Dave Attell]

No, you did good.

[David Spade]

You did good.

[Dave Attell]

Wait, are. You're not Asian, or.

[David Spade]

You are.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I was Ra. Like, two weeks old. I was adopted. Like, two weeks old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I don't know stuff.

[Dave Attell]

Evidently, you don't know how to do laundry, so I really. Come on. It was just sitting there. I thought that would be you, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, I know. It's okay. It's okay. Those are something else. Those pants. I don't know how you got into my stockpile of pants today, but. Got him from your laundry. That's the joke I just made. Red band. Very good.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, you do have some awesome calves. I mean, the crowd will back me up on it. Those are dynamite calves. It's a cultural thing, I assume.

[David Spade]

I think we found the guy that kills people at the lake because he doesn't want to get his pants wet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. Is it true that your girlfriend really cheated on you?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'm in a legal battle. She's suing me. And the lawyer said none of that's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you just lie about everything? Because it's like, it fucked up an interview.

[J.P. Lambiase]

You're not helping the case, though, because, like, she's calling me a liar. And now, like, Tony, you're calling me a liar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, and this.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Wait, this is like. This is not live, right? Not live. Yeah. Three weeks or two weeks. Okay, I just gotta call him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on, jt? You signed up for the show. I didn't realize that we had law issues with you. I don't know what to avoid.

[Dave Attell]

I don't know. Don't do anything crazy, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You need to wear less tight pants that help blood flow.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, you're kind of like a Hulk below the waist. I mean, I could see getting angry.

[J.P. Lambiase]

This is. I've never gotten as much validation in One night, what happened was we had. We did YouTube together and she. We separated, and then I didn't want to work on the channel anymore, and she sued me. So I decided to just drive from Orlando to Austin, Texas, for the only reason to be here. Like, this is why I'm here, guys. Like, this is. This is why I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. And here.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Not to be pandering, but, like, right. This is why I'm here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But here you are, and you're in it right now.

[J.P. Lambiase]

This is, like, incredible. I'm not going to sleep tonight. And I'm just so happy and fortunate to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I really.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I really am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you've seen the show a lot. You know where you're at.

[J.P. Lambiase]

I. I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're in the interview part right now.

[J.P. Lambiase]

And last Wednesday, we locked eyes when you did your show with Joe Rogan. It was great. You asked me what agent I was, and I'm just like, oh, he looked at me. And then today you walked by me. It was amazing. I didn't want to acknowledge it because I gotta be gay a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's.

[Kent Hunter]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So maybe a lot of it. Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

All right.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it. Was your girlfriend a girl?

[J.P. Lambiase]

She suing me because I'm gay? Like, that's actually part of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I mean, doesn't matter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jp, jp, jp, stick with me over here.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Okay? Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry. Are you really being sued by a girl?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I'm being sued by a female.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. And you used to do a YouTube show with her. Did you guys really date? Did you?

[Dave Attell]

We did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For 10 years. Sleep together for 10 years.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Okay, so then fiance. Fiance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we're getting closer. She was your L Man squeeze.

[Dave Attell]

So you.

[David Spade]

She put the low main and low maintenance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

So you said, heck, I'll just take her pants and get out of town. Is that really.

[Zebulon]

These are mine.

[Martin Phillips]

I paid for them.

[David Spade]

Another YouTube related breakup.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Lululemon baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. So what was your YouTube show about? Food.

[J.P. Lambiase]

We. Healthy junk food. No, actually. Shouldn't actually advertise it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I actually remember you from that. I thought you were on the show before. I'm like, I know this guy.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

But I don't. I don't do that anymore. And I don't Legal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, I love it when people sign up for the show. They can't talk about anything. I will.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Yes. I'll actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Let's just.

[O]

It.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Let's just do it.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

It's a food channel. And then I went row. Well, she went rogue. And I Went rogue. And then I lived in my car, which is really fun. Like, trust me, it's like. I'm like. You know, I like living in small spaces. I don't know what it is. And then I came here. And then. And then that's it. Yeah. Okay, good. That was a horrible story anyway.

[David Spade]

I can't believe you leaked that pertinent information.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Yeah, it was.

[Dave Attell]

Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

I think we found our new host of the Golden Globes right here. Welcome aboard, son.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is it. This is it. Either that or he's the new SNL fucking cast member after Shane gets canceled or whatever. Jp, before I let you go, what is a special skill or talent that you have?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I was professional. Laser tag.

[Dave Attell]

Really? You look more laser wax to me than a tag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are very hairless. Do you shave your legs?

[J.P. Lambiase]

I got that through all high school and middle school. I got bullied a lot because of. Honestly, because of this perfect dolphin feet I got, like. I just don't. There's no hair. I just don't have the follicle growth on that. I do have, like, a big bush, though.

[David Spade]

Oh, all right, let's look at a clip.

[Kent Hunter]

So

[J.P. Lambiase]

it all went there, I guess. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when you say kind of gay, like, are you hooking up with dudes and chicks right now? Or what's the. What's the. What's the.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Oh, no. After what I went through for 10 years, I'm completely just doing my own thing. I'm not. I'm not with anyone. I would do, like. I admitted it. Like, I saw this trans comic. She was really pretty. I'm like, dude, I will. I would do that. Like, you'd made a good choice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would you do? What would you do with the trans comic? Describe exactly what you would do.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Well. Well, I mean, again, like, I'm. I'm grinding. I'm out here trying to, like, rebuild myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[J.P. Lambiase]

And if she was just like, hey, if you were to, like, do something with me, what you do, I'd be like. I'd be like. Well, you know, like. Like, get on kill, Tony. Like, I would. Like, honestly, I would.

[Dave Attell]

I would.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. Here's a little joke book. There you go. J.P. lambia. Say, ladies and gentlemen. Amazing. There he goes, everyone. It's a long walk in those pants. There he goes. All right, we're gonna keep it moving here. This guy's name is also Italian. Could be an Asian guy. Make some noise for Giovanni Vadana, ladies and gentlemen. Giovanni Madonna. Oh, here's Giovanni, ladies And gentlemen.

[Giovanni Vadana]

What's up, guys?

[Dave Attell]

I know it is.

[Giovanni Vadana]

So I just got out of a long relationship. I've been trying to date more, and dating women in Austin is insane. I had a back problem the other day, and I go back to her place and she's like, take your shirt off. I'll give you a massage. And usually, you know what that means it's gonna be, you know, massage, Take my shirt off. And then she started doing this. She gave me a Reiki massage. Listen, just grab a rake. Rake my back. I don't know, like, stick a finger up my ass. Do anything besides massage my energy, bitch. Like, ah. Damn Reiki massage, man. It's wild. Dayton's wired especially. I'm 30 now, and I know I'm 30 because every time I drive by a house, first thing pops in my head. It's like, that's a nice yard. I like that. I'm a yard guy. Anyways, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh. You're welcome. Giovanni Badonna. Doing the Reiki version of stand up comedy. Not really touching anyone in the room at all. Wow, that was incredible. How long you been doing stand up, Giovanni?

[Giovanni Vadana]

A year. Consistently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here in Austin?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Giovanni Vadana]

I work next door at Shakespeare's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh, you've been on this show before, right?

[Giovanni Vadana]

A year ago, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, you had a towel on your waist. Yeah, yeah, I remember. You were in the middle of a shift.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And here you are. You've been working hard at it for the past year.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I really. I really have. I've given up a lot for this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what have you given up exactly?

[Giovanni Vadana]

My truck. My truck got repoed. I call my mom once a month. Yeah, I stopped talking to my mom, so that's part of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why did you stop talking to your mom?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Disappointment, mainly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was disappointed.

[Giovanni Vadana]

No, I'm disappointed in my comedy career.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, interesting. But your mom loves you.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I'm the favorite for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many kids does she have?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did the other two do? You're the favorite.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where? The bar back unfunny comedian is the favorite.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, sorry. I eat ass, so that's all that matters.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I feel like it's important. People should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You talking about your set tonight?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Giovanni, tell us more about you. What do you do for fun? What do you do when you're not doing standup?

[Giovanni Vadana]

I snowboard. I was a snowboard instructor for a while. That was interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We were so bored during your set.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, well, dude, Reiki massages, you know, but no, I'm, you know, I'm undocumented. I'm a DACA recipient. That shit's tough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A what?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Dhaka.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that?

[Giovanni Vadana]

A dreamer. Yeah. Oh, I dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean? Dave?

[Dave Attell]

He's dreaming for a real stage time, I think, right now. But I loved it, buddy. That was straight up, full tilt, regular stand up.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

[Dave Attell]

And the hat took some of the mean out of it. I love that. I like a guy who's here, but also can run a miniature golf course. Yeah, that's great.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're. Is it. So basically you're an illegal immigrant.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah. I need to get married, so if anybody wants to give me a green card, that'd be great. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are they? Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Where he's originally from and all that.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, I'm from Mexico. No, Mexico.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Giovanni Vadana]

From Bama. Grew up young at 6 years old. Didn't know that you need to be born in a certain location to get paperwork. Grew up thinking I was white. I was fucked up when I found out I wasn't. And then the worst part is I wanted to get my motorcycle license at 14. They're like, no, get out.

[David Spade]

Whoa, you beat the rush.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah. You seem white. You have no accent whatsoever. I know.

[Giovanni Vadana]

That's why I'm still here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most. What's the most Mexican thing about you?

[Giovanni Vadana]

I love tamales.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Tamales are great. I can't make them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good old tamale music there. Okay.

[Dave Attell]

This is pretty sweet, buddy. It's something you don't really see in Texas now.

[Yvette Palafox]

Dude.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, you go ahead, Dave.

[Dave Attell]

No, I was just gonna say, dude, have you ever been back that way to do stand up?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, Right now.

[Dave Attell]

Have you?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Honestly, this is. Might be a bummer. So DACA dreamers, they are allowed to leave the States, but I am not allowed back in, so I'm not fucking leaving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure you're not allowed back in right now? Seems like pretty much everybody's coming.

[Dave Attell]

True.

[Giovanni Vadana]

True.

[Dave Attell]

You're right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think you're gonna be the one that they stop? They're like, no, let the bus loads through. That guy with the checkered hat and a motorcycle. No.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you have a towel on tonight as well. It's like your trademark.

[Giovanni Vadana]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[David Spade]

I don't think they let you back in once you're over. Once you're here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it seems like you're safe. It's like you get on base, you call a timeout, the umpire is cool.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah. I don't know what that means, but okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Baseball. You need to learn this for your test if you want to become an American.

[Giovanni Vadana]

That's why I need a green card.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You better study. Okay. Giovanni. Madonna. Anything else crazy we should know about you before we let you go?

[David Spade]

No.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I eat ass. I love when you say you eat. I love black booty and white drugs. That's about it, you know.

[Dave Attell]

Give it up for your next mayor. Come on, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true? Black booty and white drugs?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Kent Hunter]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, which one do you like sniffing the most, dude?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Have you ever done both at the same time?

[Dave Attell]

No.

[Giovanni Vadana]

It's pretty nice. You should try it. That's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when you say you eat ass, do you go straight for it? Right from the gut?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah. You gotta spit on it first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like you're like, oh. And then you lick your own loogie.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Dave Attell]

I don't buy it. I don't buy any of this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Should we see? I do the white drugs I want.

[Dave Attell]

First of all, a guy with your background would not dress like this, all right? He at least would iron his slacks. I mean, come on.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Dude, that's so funny you say that. I'm so self conscious about that.

[Dave Attell]

About what? Wrinkles. All right, well, you know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting.

[Giovanni Vadana]

I mean, I am.

[Dave Attell]

If it doesn't work out here, there's always Canada, you know what I mean? Come on, buddy, live the dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make it happen.

[Dave Attell]

Let them stay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last time you were on, you got a little joke book?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Little joke book, yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Well, go fill it up with jokes. Giovanni.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Oh, wait, my dog ate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My dog ate it, Giovanni. But you have a dog?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Two dogs. Blue nose, Pit bulls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have two dogs right now?

[Giovanni Vadana]

No, no, they're at home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's home?

[Giovanni Vadana]

The ghetto. Riverside. Riverside, yeah, ghetto. First time I moved in there, first thing I heard across the way let me in. And an hour later, across the other way, bang, bang. So, yeah. Gunshots.

[David Spade]

Your dogs talk.

[Dave Attell]

That's a good one. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Giovanni Badonna. There he goes, everybody. Giovanni. Right back to next door, he goes. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian. 60 seconds goes to Corey Smith, everyone. Corey Smith. Here we go.

[Brian Redban]

I'm bald, but I. I don't. I don't miss having hair. I miss taking chances with haircuts. I used to stop by, like, a random house business and just take a chance with a haircut. You know, they don't have an actual sign. Just like the number seven and the scissor logo. Break that down for the seven. That's how much the haircut costs. The scissor logo means they don't speak English. I walked into this place in Chicago, this lady knew I didn't speak Spanish, but she wasn't gonna lose a customer. She grabbed me, marched me to a chair, sits me down, wants to do the whole thing without talking actual words. Just picks up clippers, holds next to my head and goes eh. I said, uh, puts those down, picks up scissors, goes eh. I don't think there's a third choice. So uh huh. And then she just proceeded to give me the haircut she assumes all white people get. Top three haircuts of my life. I hung out and had Kool aid with her kids. Support your local house business.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Thank you.

[Dave Attell]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, wish you would have cut some of those jokes out of your set tonight.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Corey Smith. Absolutely. Did you. Was the first thing that you said I'm Paul.

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What'd you say about bald? Bald, got it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got really confused there. I heard Paul over here. Sometimes the audio ricochets a weird way. But indeed you are bald.

[Brian Redban]

I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would you say that when it's

[Brian Redban]

obvious, you know, it's like a butchered up old joke. I'm usually a storyteller and that's like the only thing I could really fit in this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Dave.

[Dave Attell]

But as the new guardian of the galaxy, let me ask you. You do kind of have like a superhero with no power feel about.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Thanks, boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long you been doing standup, Corey smith?

[Brian Redban]

Going on 11 years. Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

11 years. There's a lot of veterans here tonight. And that was your best minute, you seg.

[Brian Redban]

No, that's the only minute I could fit. I've got like seven minute bits and five minute bits. Couple four minutes.

[David Spade]

Storyteller, right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Sounds like a thread.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That is incredible.

[David Spade]

Maybe he should be on Ellen.

[Brian Redban]

This sucks. Getting roasted by my hero right now. One of them's named Dave, but. Holy, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. Way to bring down the mood even further. Don't know digging here.

[Dave Attell]

I thought. You did great, buddy.

[Brian Redban]

Thanks, man.

[Dave Attell]

So what's. What's up? What's next for you there, Corey?

[Brian Redban]

I'm gonna cry this off and finish my bullet. Bourbon and chill. We're playing Yahtzee outside.

[Dave Attell]

Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Dice on the street. 6th street.

[Dave Attell]

I believe around here they call it ceelo.

[David Spade]

Yah. No wonder everyone's moving to Austin. That sounds. I'm just waiting for the air conditioner to freeze me again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for a living?

[Brian Redban]

Collect unemployment. Professionally. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Nice you're what?

[Brian Redban]

I collect unemployment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thought you said you're a cuck. Unemployment. Close enough. Yeah, close enough. What was the last job that you had?

[Brian Redban]

I managed a Ninja Nation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that?

[Brian Redban]

It's like an obstacle course for kids.

[Dave Attell]

Really?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Is that hard with your bracelet?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Used to run an obstacle course for kids.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. Of his basement.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Getting out of bed in the morning.

[David Spade]

It's called unlocking the door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that job end for you?

[Brian Redban]

I. I took the opportunity to get fired when they were basically. I knew I wanted to get fired from this job, and I mentioned a couple code violations, and then two weeks later, there it is.

[Dave Attell]

Whistleblower.

[Brian Redban]

Whistleblower. Yeah. Dude, it's super easy to get fired from a job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the problems with the children's obstacle course that you blew the whistle on?

[Brian Redban]

No, I, like, I started as the assistant manager in sales, and I was just basically the front desk bitch the whole time. So. Yeah, burn it all down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They didn't let you play with the kids?

[Brian Redban]

No, that was too much, actually. Too much.

[David Spade]

You know, you get a job to get near the kids and they put you right up front. I get it, I get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Disappointing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. That's how it works. What's your love life like, Corey?

[Brian Redban]

Honestly?

[Dave Attell]

No, no, no, not at all. Lie. Lie.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Dave Attell]

Way to go, buddy.

[Brian Redban]

I. I swear to God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

I actually had two threesomes this week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two different threesomes?

[Brian Redban]

Two different threesomes, back to back. Swear to God, man. I'm not playing.

[Dave Attell]

It took two cops to put you in the car? Is that what happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing

[Dave Attell]

Dave of hell.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Two different threesomes this week. So where did this happen? The obstacle course?

[Brian Redban]

No, dude, I. Both in my place.

[David Spade]

Did the kids get put in timeout for that?

[Brian Redban]

Getting double Dave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So explain to some of these people that are out there, a lot of single. Our fan base is a lot of single men. Explain to these young men how they could have their own threesome, too. How does this happen twice in one week? I mean, you must be killing it at Yahtzee.

[Kent Hunter]

Outside.

[Brian Redban]

Honesty kills the game. Just be honest, you know? Hey, I'm talking to someone else. They're into chicks, they saw your profile, think you're hot, you want to come over?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so they came over to your place, and then what happens?

[Brian Redban]

I'm sorry? Well, I mean, we did a little marijuana, a little drinking.

[Dave Attell]

The first.

[Brian Redban]

The one girl showed up first, so we had some sex before the other girl showed up because it took her like 45 minutes. Her husband sent her over.

[Dave Attell]

Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

One of those situations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dave.

[Dave Attell]

What a day at the RV park. Wow. Is this LCJ four five five or Niner?

[David Spade]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Hail of the Chief, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you bang one girl and you finish. You sit around waiting for the other girl and then the other girl comes. And then what happens? Take us through step by step.

[Brian Redban]

Step by step. I made the one girl answer my door and bring her in. So I'm already sitting in the bedroom. And then the other girl told her to start sucking my dick. And I had both of them eat my ass. I did the whole arch your back backwards, the rusty trombone situation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I bidet.

[Brian Redban]

So it's clean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

Even Tony. I've never seen you like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am.

[Dave Attell]

Even your spray on tan is blushing. I mean, really

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

very excited right now. This is incredible. So we had two girls eat your ass.

[Nate Barnard]

Correct.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you had never met them before this?

[Brian Redban]

I met one before this. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Nate Barnard]

Yep.

[Brian Redban]

And then the other one was a hinge date supposedly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay.

[Brian Redban]

I'm sorry. By the way, in three weeks, whenever you see this. This is my bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, don't apologize. It's the best interview of the nights so far.

[Caleb Barge]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

Well, there you go.

[Dave Attell]

Really is.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You'll get some dms. Don't you? When you talk to the police, I take out parts. Like, I made her do this, I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

made her do that.

[David Spade]

Made her open the door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. So from the front door to the back door, they eat your ass. And then what happens? Let's keep going in order here. Step by step.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

The new arrival was sitting on my face and the old arrival was sitting on my crotch. And then they just decided to switch places maybe 10 minutes in.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

And then my back. I mean, I'm old. So I had to switch positions. Switched into doggy style. And the one girl continued to eat my I. Her doggy style.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. I'm an animal. I'm really sorry, Mom. I. So I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mom's getting her ass ate right now. It runs in the family. She is an animal, too. There's Red Band's fart sound effect for the episode. One per episode, guaranteed. Always.

[David Spade]

When you're in a threesome, it's always embarrassing to ask who's closer to the Tylenol? My back's acting up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Acetaminophen, if you will. So how many times do you come during this night with two different women? Because I got a four. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I got a four. I've been on a mad run. I can't keep. I like Every day, four or five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you use any performance in enhancing drugs?

[Brian Redban]

Never have. Scared of it because of my heart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's wrong with your heart?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. Just fat all my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How'd you lose the weight?

[Brian Redban]

Jiu Jitsu.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I used to be £335.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You went from Rear Naked Choke to Rear Naked Folk eating your ass.

[Brian Redban]

I got laid when I was a fatty too. It's just about honesty. I don't know what it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible.

[Dave Attell]

But here you are now as a young Putin impersonated. I assume the women are throwing themselves at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Corey Smith, Wildly horrible step, but an unbelievable interview. Your honesty during the interview is the same reason why this was a success. And. And why you get threesomes all the time. Before I let you go, I only talked about one threesome. Let's cover the other one real quick. Is this the same main girl in the other threesome or is it two different.

[Brian Redban]

So I tried five different girls on the second girl. We kept trying because the one girl wanted to have a threesome really bad. We kept trying and trying and trying. Two people said yes but never showed up. The two people that said yes hit me up the next morning. So I said, come get it. And at 11am they came and got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's go. All right, hang on a second.

[Brian Redban]

I didn't plan on talking about this, but I made the one girl suck the other girls off of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me. Wait, no shower in between? Explain what that means.

[Brian Redban]

The night before's got sucked off the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

next morning by new shower.

[Brian Redban]

They told me not to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. This guy is single handedly causing a super strain of an std. Right. This is how coronavirus started. It all comes back to Corey Smith. So how many times do you think you came the next morning?

[Brian Redban]

Just twice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just twice. So a total of six? We could guess in 24 hours?

[Brian Redban]

In 12? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. 12 hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. This guy is incredible. You ever think about getting a Costa Rican vasectomy?

[Brian Redban]

I don't even know what that is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there you go. Here's a little joke book. There he goes. Corey Smith, everybody. All right. Unfortunately, the great Cam Patterson could not make it here tonight. I know. Very, very sad. His first Monday miss since he's become a regular. He's in Florida visiting family, taking care of business right now. However, in his place tonight, we do have one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a new 60 seconds from the great Power. Martin Phillips, everyone. Martin Phillips.

[Martin Phillips]

I'm starting a true crime podcast. I just have to kill the people first. Yeah, they're. Please come to us. I'm like, subscribe.

[J.P. Lambiase]

And like,

[Martin Phillips]

we're at the bottomies. Like, that's next episode, you know. You know, we always see, like, dalmatians at the firehouses. I never understood why, but I think I figured it out. I think it's like, they go to the scene, like, hey, sorry your house burned down. Wanna pet our dog. That thing fucked me up. Okay. That thing was. Okay. Well, bottom being okay, I'm not married. I'm too, you know, too hot of a man. You can't, you know, hold me down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But

[Martin Phillips]

my friend get me marriage advice. He was like, yeah, treat it like a job. I was like, man, I've been pretty shitty, mind you. You know, I've been fired, you know, and that's why I came up with a better analogy. Treated it like a vacation. Cause you stay up for it, you look forward to it, then we get there, it kind of sucks. But we're here, and we're gonna have a good time. Dan making the best stuff that.

[J.P. Lambiase]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips with a brand new 1035.

[Dave Attell]

That's how you do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Again, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Always 100% of the time. An unbelievable set, incredible performance tonight. How many threesomes have you had this week? Oh, that.

[Martin Phillips]

More than that guy. But I've heard you say you are

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

an unbelievable fucking performer, Martin. Dave, what do you think about this guy?

[Dave Attell]

First of all, we got a picture before the show, but it's all a blur.

[Giovanni Vadana]

And.

[Dave Attell]

The tech joke. All right.

[David Spade]

Hell, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

What do I think? Yeah. Awesome joke writing.

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, thank you.

[Dave Attell]

How long you been doing it, buddy?

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, a while. Like a decade or so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's actually.

[Martin Phillips]

Believe 10 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Believe it or not, that's less than most of the bucket pools. Tonight. We had two 13 and 11 years and a bar back from next door. But so far, the performance of the night. How's life been going for you, Martin?

[Martin Phillips]

Good. You know, actually, I'm dressed up a little bit nicer tonight for a reason, because Ariel and I have heard from millions of people that I sound like this one guy. So I'm officially becoming an RFK junior Impersonator.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how you do it.

[Dave Attell]

This guy killed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Martin Phillips]

I got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it's contrary. It's. It's interesting. You're like, if RFK Jr. Took the vaccine.

[Dave Attell]

Nice one, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I love it. Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

So I'm really excited. There's not too many people I can impersonate, so I'm really happy. That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible, Incredible. You're running. He's running for president. You're waddling for president. That's amazing. What else have you been up to, Martin?

[Martin Phillips]

You know, just hanging around and chilling. I don't know.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

What was that joke that got stepped on? I didn't hear the end of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was it?

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, it was like. Like the Dalmatian out of the power. It was like the reason. And they're like, hey, start your house burnt out, want to pet our dog. That's all we can do. That's all we got. Okay, okay, good, good. Okay, good, good, good. Okay, good, Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ever get girls hitting you up, fans of the show trying to hang out with you or something like that?

[Martin Phillips]

Well, here's a. This is a crazy story. It was. I didn't think. It's not even signing in my DMs. I got an actual email. It's just like spam, you know, and she hit me up in a regular message, but then at the end, you're, oh, P. S. I'll sign an NDA.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh.

[David Spade]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wake up,

[Dave Attell]

wake up.

[Martin Phillips]

But, yeah, that's her background effort. And she reveals she's in a open marriage, so. And she said she hadn't been with anybody for five years, so barely an open marriage. But, you know,

[Dave Attell]

now after the show, when you go back to the laboratory, I was going to ask you,

[J.P. Lambiase]

what

[Dave Attell]

projects are you working on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Martin, what else you been doing around Austin, Texas? How's Texas been treating you?

[Martin Phillips]

It's all right.

[Caleb Barge]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

It's a bold stuff, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah. I have a boring life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what? What does it seem like? What goes on?

[Martin Phillips]

I can recognize life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

I just lost it. Like, you've been out in town, they recognize, so it's worldwide, you know, I'm coming for you people, you know, so. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, man. You absolutely did it again. You're unbelievable. We love you, Martin Phillips. Anything else we should know about? Great jokes, letting you go?

[Martin Phillips]

I'm good. Yeah. I don't want change the don or anything, but a friend of mine, a comedian I met in D.C. he. It is, you know, he passed away. He's gone, but he left his special out there, so you can't remember him. Good Guy. Just search on YouTube. J. Agbonne. It's out and through. AI said it, so check it out. Rest in peace, good guy. And RFK Jr. Approves it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, thank you. There he goes. Martin Phillips.

[David Spade]

Martin, Martin.

[Dave Attell]

Great, great one, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh, thank you, Heidi. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. This is an exciting one because this is one of our producers. A guy that fucking hustles around for the show. Does a lot of work around here. Normally. This is the guy that goes and grabs everybody and brings them back. So he's very excited to perform. I think he signs up all the time, rarely ever gets pulled. Makes the noise for Colt, everybody. It's cold. You know you love him from back in the day.

[O]

You either. You either die, Matt Rife, or you live long enough to see yourself become Dane Cook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good, Good.

[O]

No, I'm an Austin local. I've been here in Hell Austin three years now. It's going great. You hear a lot of weird stuff on 6th Street. The other day this guy walked up to me and he goes, hey, man, you know albino people eat the best ass. I was like, what?

[Yvette Palafox]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck?

[O]

He goes, yes, because they already have pink eye. My God. Weird eyes, those folks. You guys like politics? Palestine? I don't think they're pals with any Steins.

[Kent Hunter]

Thank you.

[O]

That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a great joke.

[O]

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's funny.

[O]

Good to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah, Colt, you are. You're always here, but you're never there.

[O]

Yes, sir, I know, I know. Happy to be here now, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. David Spade. What'd you think about this Young?

[David Spade]

I thought good stuff, I think. I like pink guy. I like Palestine. That's a good one. And I think you had three, right, so boom, boom, boom. Yeah, I think two out of three hit. That's pretty good. Those two are good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, sir.

[Caleb Barge]

Appreciate you.

[David Spade]

Yeah, the mat, Dave, you like that?

[Dave Attell]

I think. I love how Tony is insourcing. This guy's a runner for the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Who's next, your maid? What's going on here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nicolta became a part of the show many, many years ago. He famously. We found him on a road show in Dallas, Texas, and we found out he can kick really high. He's a kung fu. What are you? You were the Kung Fu champion or something?

[O]

Chang Hung style Taekwondo. I was a 4th degree black belt and competed internationally a lot.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[O]

Sorry. I'm getting nervous. I don't know. I don't do it anymore. Really? I'm getting nervous. You're gonna ask me to kick?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, just kick real quick. Don't make a big deal about it. No big deal. Here he is. Ladies and gentlemen. Whoa.

[Dave Attell]

Hell. Holy man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

What an insult to the last act.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Look at that. Do it again. Dave didn't see. Do it again. Do it again. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. You would kill it at the children's obstacle course.

[Dave Attell]

That would kill.

[O]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do.

[Dave Attell]

80 pounds of bat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bad news.

[O]

85. 85.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us more, Colt. What else is about your life? What's been going on?

[O]

Oh, my gosh. I love my life. I'm so blessed. You and Red Band have completely changed my life. I ran and operated a martial art academy for many years. And after Covid, of course, before that, I got on your show. I closed my school down and I moved down here. Started working at the Vulcan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[O]

Now proudly work at the Sunset Strip. I'm a sound guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[O]

And I'm loving life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're doing a lot of comedy.

[Caleb Barge]

Absolutely.

[O]

Like 14 times a. Times a week, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, I learned something about Colt recently. He is like a crazy yo yo champion. He. He like a badass. You have a yo yo on you?

[O]

I do. Backstage, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we got to get that. Yo yo, everybody.

[Dave Attell]

Yo yo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Somebody knew it was coming. Look at that. Oh, yeah. This is some yo yo music right here.

[O]

Give me some cool music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And it's time to yo yo, everybody. Here we go. Go. Oh, oh.

[Dave Attell]

Walking the dog.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Walk the dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Where's the trombone at? Give me some trombone on this.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rock the baby. Wow.

[David Spade]

Around the world.

[Dave Attell]

That's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible.

[Dave Attell]

Hey, Tony. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. David's out.

[Dave Attell]

Tony, it's official. The comedy boom is over. I mean, it's over now. That's it. That's it. Get out while you can. Yo yo tricks. I heard you also do bird calls.

[O]

Can you do that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[O]

I actually. I can spin plates on sticks as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good.

[Dave Attell]

This guy is the complete package. Funny, flexible, and with that yo yo thing available, I mean, really, this guy, you better hang on to him, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

This guy's going places.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. He's one of our hardest workers. One of our great, great, great, great people on the squad. Good for the morale. Good for everything. What else, Colt? Okay, that's it. You already have access to any joke book you want? Pretty much.

[Caleb Barge]

You could just.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Oh, do I? Oh, shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've never gotten a big one?

[O]

No, sir. That was before my. That was.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Dave Attell]

If you give him this now, what are you gonna give him for Christmas? I mean, really? You cheap piece of. You cheap prick.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Yeah, hopefully a ra.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a Big joke, Bug. Merry Christmas, Colt. Christmas came early. Oh, my God. That is the funniest. Oh, my God. How about another amper, David Tell, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, absolutely, truly killing Tony, as always. His new special Hot Cross Buns is out now, so make sure you go see it immediately. All right. I'm excited about this next bucket poll because it's a one word name that I've never seen before. I don't believe so. Those are always interesting. They tend to either be absolutely hysterical or crazier than shit. Let's see what happens with the comedy styling. 60 seconds of Zebulon, everybody. The kill Tony debut of Zebulon. Okay, here we go.

[Zebulon]

So I got a theme going on, which is heavyset. It both describes my body type and the material I'm going to do. So let's start off in a good place, though. I'm celebrating 20 years of marriage, some noise. I appreciate it. It's actually not that great. She's a really annoying bitch that's always on my back. No, I'm not married to a woman. I'm married to chronic pain. I've been in pain every day for the last 20 years with a spinal injury. So hip, hip hooray. I guess despite all the pain, maybe because of it, drugs aren't that effective. I used to take 180 milligrams of morphine every day. Never got me high. It kind of helped the pain. Most of it for me was getting me super constipated, so it definitely wasn't the shit. I'll be honest with y'.

[Yvette Palafox]

All.

[Zebulon]

Sadly, I'm thinking about divorce and pain. She's just always on my nerves. I just haven't had the courage to pull that trigger yet. All right, that's my time. Thank y'.

[Giovanni Vadana]

All.

[Zebulon]

I'm Zeb Green.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Zepon.

[Zebulon]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Welcome to the show. Zephylon. What a cool name. Mortise that come from?

[Zebulon]

Yeah, it is a Hebrew name, but my mother got it from the 70s TV show how the west was one. Zebulon McCahan. I'm country as.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How country? Where were you raised?

[Zebulon]

Hot Springs, Arkansas.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Zebulon]

I was on here about a year ago. I've lost like £130 and grew a beard since then, so.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice one. Did you go by the name Zebulon then?

[Zebulon]

I went by Zeb Green. So recently I've changed my stage name to Zebulon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Zebulon]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What made you change your name? Does that.

[David Spade]

He moved to Mars.

[Zebulon]

Exactly.

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah.

[Zebulon]

I don't Know, I just felt like it had a little more presence to it, something more unique. And I. To be honest with you, I felt like I've grown in my confidence over this last year, and it made me feel more confident on stage. Like, it just like Zebulon, like, go up there and fucking kill the shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I love it. I love it. Is that your real first name?

[Zebulon]

So my full name is Brian Michael Zebulon Green. I have way too many names. Yeah, so it's my third name. I go by Zeb and then on stage, Zebulon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What do you do for a living?

[Zebulon]

So I was in the aerospace industry for a long time, but I'm disabled. My back's all up. Like, I was talking about myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your back? Get up.

[Zebulon]

Car wreck. Somebody hit me from behind and it tore my nerve root and crushed my spine. So my spine's fused together and my nerve roots torn. And I have a spinal cord stimulator installed. You know what that is now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us.

[Zebulon]

So I have, like, wires in my spine and a battery in my back, and it basically interrupts the pain signal in my brain and tells my brain not as much pain as I'm in. So instead of being a 10 out of 10 all the time, I'm usually a 5 to 6 out of 10 all the time, so I can function right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're in pain?

[Zebulon]

Yeah, I can't feel my left leg hardly. And because I, you know, do all these mics and waiting on mics and everything, but it's a lot better. From 2007 to 2019, I was basically bedridden in pain before they put the stimulator in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how high can you kick?

[Zebulon]

I would not attempt that because I'd fall off stage and kill somebody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So absolutely no. Definitely kidding. What do you do for fun, Zebulon? What takes the pain away?

[Zebulon]

To be honest with you, and I know this is the cheap answer, is just comedy. Like, I can't really do much other than that, because grinding on mics, waiting around, which I love, that's all part of the game. People around town know me because I carry my own chair around with me. When you do open mics, you're in a club that's full of empty chairs. But I have my own chair. It looks ridiculous, but I have to have it for comfort. So usually during the day, I'm in so much pain from doing all the activities, I just recover and get ready to go grind again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there anything that could help this pain? Is there anything? An operation. Have you heard about Anything?

[Zebulon]

Well, they're scared to cut the nerves because you could lose mobility. So I've tried, you know, I've tried morphine. I've tried. They put me on fentanyl. That didn't work. I've tried, like, this year. I was raised kind of a religious background. We can get into my. My whole life has been pain. It's very interesting. So I never tried a lot of substances, but I tried alcohol, weed, mushrooms, all at different times last year. None of that worked. Like, nothing works.

[David Spade]

So don't tell me there's something negative about fentanyl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was fentanyl like? Can you describe it to us? What was that like?

[Zebulon]

Yeah. So for me, which is ridiculous, I have a joke about it. I can tell you in a minute if you'd like. So for the fentanyl, y' all know it's supposed to be 100 times more powerful than morphine, so they gave it to me. And they give you, like, a transdermal patch, soaks in your skin. It's supposed to be very effective. They told me to put one on, and they said, because you haven't had anything in your body in a long time, it'll probably put you right to sleep. I go home, nothing happens. I call them, and they're like, hey, take some hydrocodones with it. That didn't do anything. And they said, we'll put two patches on. I did that and took hydrocodones. It didn't do anything. I actually sent the patches to the manufacturer and had them tested. They're like, these are full of fentanyl. You should be, like, dead or something. And I was like, no, I'm good. So just, nothing works. And so pain is kind of like the theme of my life. I've always been in pain, and it's like what pushes me forward, and it's just what it is, what it is.

[Dave Attell]

So right now, what are you on right now?

[Zebulon]

Just. I have the stimulator in my back, and that's it.

[Dave Attell]

Okay, well, it's definitely not Ozempic.

[Zebulon]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever thought about. How did you lose the weight originally?

[Zebulon]

So to be quite honest with you, when I came up here, it was February 13th of last year. Y' all are still at the Balkan. The day I moved to Austin, and I got called on kill, Tony did comedy and.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Zebulon]

And so when I got home, I just thought about everything, and I was like, you know, if I ever want to fit in a plane seat, if I'm ever lucky to Travel enough, you know, travel to go do comedy. I was like, better lose this weight. So I just quit eating, and I was suicidal, and all kinds of things were going on when I did comedy when I moved here. And comedy, like, literally saved my life because fortunately, people have been laughing. So. Yeah.

[Kent Hunter]

So I just.

[Zebulon]

I was basically like, I don't need it. I need comedy. I don't need to eat. So.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you just stopped eating?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And the fentanyl patches still didn't work.

[Zebulon]

Well, I live over there. No, well, I didn't. Haven't tried them. I tried the other substances. They didn't work. But I live in the same building that Celia. Celia Contreras lives in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Zebulon]

So my apartment's so bad that, like, for I. I mean, now, anyway, my apartment's so nasty, I can't even cook in it. So that helped. I'm poor and I was like, I can't cook in here because the rats and the roaches. So I'll just not eat. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Zebulon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Shit, you got me stumped here, Zeb.

[Zebulon]

Okay, I can tell you about the beginning of my life. It's even worse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So amazing. So stand up comedy is the only time when you're really not focused on

[Zebulon]

the pain, pretty much. And even I have to. I have a resting pain face, you know, so I'll have to remind myself, like, late at night, depending on how many mics I've done, because, you know, obviously from just even sitting in a chair hurts me. Like, the only thing that makes the pain even better is laying on my right hip and getting the pressure off of it. So sitting in the chair, waiting on mics, doing mics, standing up, all that, you know, by the end of the night, I'm really in a lot of pain. And so when I get on stage, I can get it out of my mind because I know how to compartmentalize. But I'll realize sometimes my countenance won't be good, you know, because I'm in pain. I'm like, oh, I need to fake this because people are listening to me. They're like, well, this guy's not having fun. Why are we. You know? And so I've learned how to, you know, I'm having fun, but it's just the pain. You know what I mean? So I just learned how to dictate that on my face.

[Dave Attell]

So I think I know how to cheer him up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is true. This is a real balloon from the great Dave Attell. Absolutely incredible. Why did he have a balloon on true Balloon at. Absolutely amazing.

[David Spade]

Oh, you got it.

[Dave Attell]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a real balloon. It's a happy birthday balloon. Wow. How do you feel now?

[Dave Attell]

You feel better?

[Zebulon]

4 out of 10 on the pain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

0 out of 10 on pain. David tell. Doing the Lord's work out here. Who would have guessed that all it took was a quarter filled balloon to be able to.

[Dave Attell]

I'm winded by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Anytime that pops, you can. You can smell the sweet scent of American spirit.

[Dave Attell]

The breath of a dying man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Zebulon, I. I was very, very, very intrigued by your. Your tale and your story. Congrats on losing the weight and getting funnier and all this. How much time do you think you've acquired altogether, Santa?

[David Spade]

Him, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long's your longest set?

[Zebulon]

I say this very humbly cuz I'm just over a year. But I have 25 proven and then a lot of stories with it too. So I've been grinding, grinding hard as on so6.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Cool.

[Dave Attell]

Keep at it, brother.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Keep at it.

[Dave Attell]

It gets better.

[David Spade]

Keep at it. Dude, you're doing great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Awesome too. There you go. A book spot. Less pain. Dave making some adjustments to the balloon.

[Dave Attell]

You ever want to talk to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Turn that frown upside down. There's a happy face on that balloon now. There he goes. Zebulon, everybody. He's got a spot. The fun train keeps moving along as I pull another name out of the bucket. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, Everybody? Gina with 3A's HG on Instagram. An absolute charismatic sensation. We love her around here. And with that, your next bucket pool. Kent Hunter, everybody. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Kent Hunter. Here we go. Here's Kent, everybody.

[Kent Hunter]

Last time I got on the show, Tony had arranged a date for me, which was really cool because I got to live out my lifelong dream of appropriating Indian culture. Whenever I get nervous, my legs have a tendency to start shaking. And so my mom told me to help with the nerves to just imagine the audience naked. So if you guys see me start shaking tonight, I'm not nervous. I'm just really horny. Earlier this month, my sister was in a car accident and she's all right, but the car's totaled. Personally, I would have chose to celebrate International Women's Day another way. But what do I know? I have a penis and a car that works. Oh, there we go. I was thinking the other day, I was like, if someone has with Parkinson's has an orgasm. Do they stop shaking?

[William Montgomery]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, then.

[Dave Attell]

Nice.

[Nate Barnard]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. A full minute from Kent Hunter. Very lucky man. You get pulled out of the bucket a lot.

[Kent Hunter]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your second time in just a few weeks, correct?

[Kent Hunter]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And last time you were on, we talked about how you were a virgin.

[Kent Hunter]

We did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I sent you on a date. We got you on a date. I gave, I think, a couple hundred bucks, sent you off to a nice restaurant.

[Kent Hunter]

It was fantastic.

[Nate Barnard]

Thank you very much for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that go? Take us through it. The people want to know.

[Kent Hunter]

It went really well. That was actually the second nicest restaurant I think I've ever been in in my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The first nicest restaurant.

[Kent Hunter]

Calford Chop House in Jacksonville. I don't know if you've ever been there. Very nice restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think I've been there, actually. One of the best restaurants. Yeah. Okay.

[Kent Hunter]

It's like one of the only.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you got me there. I think you're right about that one. Rings the bell.

[Kent Hunter]

Yeah, but it was really nice. It was cool. Me and her, we just talked comedy, most of it. We both comedians, so we just had a good time, just enjoyed some amazing food and got to talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you guys got to do spots at the secret show.

[Nate Barnard]

We did.

[Kent Hunter]

That was fantastic. Thank you for that as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And did you lose your virginity?

[Kent Hunter]

I did not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I did not. So where do you think it went to wrong?

[Kent Hunter]

I don't know. I personally wasn't that attracted to her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Kent Hunter]

And wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look who. Look at the little picky virgin over here. Jesus Christ. That's like giving an Ethiopian a big Mac and then being like, I'm good. I'm all right. I'm not that hungry. Tony. I actually heard from her after he. He left immediately after his spot, and she told me some things about what happened at the beginning of the day.

[Dave Attell]

Uh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. There's the gossip machine. Brian Redband. Here we go. Did you tell her certain things that. That needed to happen at this date? Like, you weren't.

[Brian Redban]

This was just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you just say what you heard? And. Well, I didn't.

[Kent Hunter]

I didn't mess with her because I was. I appreciate what you were doing for me, but I was a little uncomfortable with the whole situation, so I let her know before.

[J.P. Lambiase]

What?

[Kent Hunter]

Like, I don't know. I just personally just wanted to do it on my own. Just figure out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you again?

[Kent Hunter]

20.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're 20?

[Kent Hunter]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Well, I mean, no rush. All right. How's it doing, man?

[Dave Attell]

I knew I shouldn't have given away that balloon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. So how do you think you're gonna do it on your own? If I can't help you, no one can help you. Even when it naturally happens, like a buddy puts in a word, you know what I mean? Like, hey, Kent likes you. He's good. A good guy, right? You know, like people get help, you don't want an assist at all. What are you, Kobe Bryant? Cuz you gotta shoot the shot yourself? See, Kobe jokes don't even work anyway. You can't even do a good ball hog joke anymore. They used to be what he was famous for. Now it's a helicopter crash. You know what I mean? No. Real B hog.

[Kent Hunter]

I guess I am like Kobe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Kent Hunter]

I guess I am like Kobe. Though I keep crashing and burning.

[Caleb Barge]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Hell yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Oh my goodness gracious. Absolutely.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

Young man at a crossroads. Five years away from renting a car. Look at young guy in his second fancy restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what else is going on? Kent, you've been on the show a lot, so we've talked a lot. Is there anything about your life we haven't covered that might be interesting? You get pulled out of the the bucket a lot.

[Nate Barnard]

I know.

[Kent Hunter]

This is all support I'm worried about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I never know what to talk about in every way. Except for that whole dry dick thing, you know what I mean?

[Dave Attell]

Nice.

[Kent Hunter]

I wonder if that's why he loves me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, probably not. It's not real. None of it's real.

[David Spade]

Maybe you could team up with the threesome guy and get some tips.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Have you ever thought about watching another man, two chicks.

[David Spade]

Go film it

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

turns out his ass is the third best restaurant you've ever been to.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Kent, anything else? Do you have any special skills or talents other than stand up comedy or anything?

[Kent Hunter]

Not really. This is all I care about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all you care about.

[Dave Attell]

When that guy was out here. Yo, yo, yo. Did you get hard? What?

[Giovanni Vadana]

He did.

[David Spade]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there a type of porn that you enjoy?

[Kent Hunter]

We talked about this last time. It's all lesbian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lesbian porn. Elsa, right?

[David Spade]

Not a good song. So you seem like a kind of good looking dude. I. I feel like you would do okay out there.

[Kent Hunter]

I'm really awkward. Socially awkward.

[Brian Redban]

I'm.

[David Spade]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just saying

[David Spade]

thanks for leaking all the secrets. Got a peek in the diary.

[Dave Attell]

How tall are you?

[Kent Hunter]

How tall?

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Kent Hunter]

Six, three.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

What do you think of that, ladies, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all that matters.

[Dave Attell]

Tall man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's all.

[Dave Attell]

Anyone have a gutter that needs cleaning? He's dressed for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think it's like a. Do you think it's like a religious thing that's holding you back? Is it. Do you think the Lord's watching or something? No, I don't think it's.

[Kent Hunter]

I just. I'm very. Like I said, very awkward. And I have trouble talking to women as a lot of it, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. Okay. All right.

[David Spade]

Have you ever DMed on Instagram? There's not too much of it.

[Kent Hunter]

Not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Too weird. Have you ever.

[David Spade]

Okay, I give up.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Yeah.

[Kent Hunter]

I don't know.

[Dave Attell]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really don't care about it. I know.

[Casey Rocket]

I'm just.

[Kent Hunter]

I figured it'll happen when it happens. I'm not too. I'm just gonna focus on comedy for now, and it'll happen when it happens.

[Dave Attell]

All right, well, how did you like the new Ghostbusters? The poor kid, you're boxing him in the corner here with all this sex stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kent, you already have joke books. You've been on this show a lot. Another new minute. Congratulations. Thank you, Hunter. There he goes. Kent Hunter. Not to be confused with a cunt Hunter, because this guy's not looking for cunt at all. He's just doing the comedy thing. And when it happens, it'll happen. You know what I mean? All right. Love the band. How about a hand for the band tonight? Are they the best or what? Oh, my God. Unbelievable. All right, we're flying through them tonight. Make some noise for Nate Barnard, everybody. Nate. Nate Barnard is next on Kiltoni. Here we go. Put your hands together for Nate, everybody. These guys wait all night for this. Everybody gets a hello.

[Nate Barnard]

I've been working on a dating app for school shooters. It's called Call them fun. We gotta get them shacking up, not shooting up. Get them distracted from what they're good at. Other dating apps are like, swipe left, swipe right. Our dating app is like, duck left, duck right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Nate Barnard]

My girlfriend is a crisis actor. She gets upset about all this shit that never happened. I've been watching so many OnlyFans leaks, I can only get off to women who can't make it financially. People always pick on Lance Armstrong for taking drugs, but his brother landed on the moon. Could you imagine living up to that amount of pressure?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Nate Barnard, rock solid set, big laughs from the crowd.

[David Spade]

No one says good night or at any ending.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just.

[David Spade]

They fade away from it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I love it. Nate, welcome. This is your first time on the show?

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time I would remember a face like yours. How long you been doing stand up?

[Nate Barnard]

About six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years. How old are you?

[Nate Barnard]

32.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years. 32. Where you been doing stand up at?

[Nate Barnard]

Started in Connecticut for about five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah.

[Nate Barnard]

It's a wasteland. Yeah, Hartford. All the shitty open mics, like, Irish bars with, like, drunk people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Connecticut. Famously one of the worst places in America.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, famously.

[Nate Barnard]

It was a dark time in my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is that where you were born and raised?

[Nate Barnard]

Grew up in Massachusetts, but yeah, moved to Connecticut.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you move to Connecticut?

[Nate Barnard]

My mom's church was in Connecticut, and she was, like, driving hours, and I was like, you should just move, you know? Like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You suggested the move.

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes you just gotta be like, you can't just drive, you know, a couple hours every week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, with Jesus as her co pilot, you would think that it would be easy. Nate, what is. What do you do for work?

[Nate Barnard]

I work at Whole Foods.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do at Whole Foods?

[Nate Barnard]

I'm in the dairy aisle. I'm just in the back, like, really slugging it out.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah. I'm on, like, 500 milligrams of caffeine. Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, my first real legit, like, on a tax form job was at a grocery store. And a lot of people don't know this, but dairy people spend most of their time inside of a refrigerator.

[Nate Barnard]

They found out I was good at dairy, and then they're like, you're only working dairy now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's a. It's a.

[Nate Barnard]

It was kind of easy for three weeks, and then they're like, yeah, it's

[David Spade]

a blessing and a curse.

[Nate Barnard]

It's my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Dave Attell]

See, I. I had it right. I trade. I pictured him as a Trader Joe's

[Nate Barnard]

man, but I don't talk to those people.

[Dave Attell]

I get it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like the Red Sox and the Yankees, vicious rivalry.

[Dave Attell]

Give us a story from the Whole Foods. Something happened there. A cart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something with a cart.

[Nate Barnard]

There's, like, two teens, like, run. Like, one was in a grocery. Like. Like in the grocery cart, the other's pushing it.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Nate Barnard]

And they just, like, slammed into, like, a end cap with beer in it and just, like, went everywhere.

[David Spade]

End cap.

[Nate Barnard]

And then.

[Dave Attell]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's using the lingo. The ant inside baseball. Right there.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Giving you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Behind the end cap is the display area at the end of an aisle.

[Nate Barnard]

But, yeah, there's this black lady, and she's like, that woman is a oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wait, who said that?

[Nate Barnard]

There's, like, a crowd gathering. Sorry, I'm rushing the story, but over

[David Spade]

by the end, Cap.

[Nate Barnard]

Well, like, everyone was watching all the beer fall and. Yeah,

[David Spade]

I will give you this. Nate and I, I, I. We'll come back to Whole Foods in a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But we got.

[David Spade]

Remind us, but I think it was very challenging. It's very hard to start your set with school shooting jokes. That's. So it was an uphill battle, as you found and. But you really turned it around on the day.

[Caleb Barge]

He did.

[Dave Attell]

You really did, buddy.

[David Spade]

You saved it and got him back, and that's. That's a tough thing to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we've seen that a couple times tonight. I noticed that with Colt as well. He did that weird Matt Rife Dane Cook joke and ended with that great Palestine pals of Stein's joke.

[David Spade]

They're not front loading it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's like if you. If you move the best stuff to the front, changes the momentum of your entire set, the whole wave, so.

[Dave Attell]

And the Lance Armstronger was. That was pretty awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

For a guy who looks like he doesn't have a car but a bike, I assume that one just rode itself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your first time on the show. Tell us more about you. What do you do for fun?

[Nate Barnard]

Well, I'm running. I'm riding those electric bikes around a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love that. Look at the smile that came on your. I'm really poor came alive.

[Nate Barnard]

It's not great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That really woke you up there. The electric bicycle brings you great joy because it's like you're working out, but you're not.

[Nate Barnard]

It's not. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know who loves electric bicycles more than anybody? I know. Fitness king Brian Redban. Have you been e. Biking? Oh, yeah. Do you. Do you have a Super 73?

[Brian Redban]

What do you have?

[Nate Barnard]

I use the cheap city bike.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. That is.

[David Spade]

The girls are pulling their panties back up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Nate Barnard]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it brings you great joy. Where do you take these electric city bicycles to and fro?

[Nate Barnard]

Like, around the. That, like, trail around the river, lake thing or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you lived in Austin?

[Nate Barnard]

It's been about two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two years. And you love it? Yeah.

[Nate Barnard]

It's pretty great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, pretty great. Like, a thousand times better than Connecticut.

[Nate Barnard]

Oh, yeah. Like anything's better than Connecticut.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. They don't even have electric bikes in Connecticut, do they?

[Zebulon]

No, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David, tell.

[Dave Attell]

I was just wondering when we get back to this whole Foods thing, because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's get back to it. That is the grocery store of choice of Most people that can afford it. You almost die.

[David Spade]

That one.

[Dave Attell]

No, they always say, you know, that must be a place to have you run into some, like, milfs or something like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They say milks. Yes, he works in dairy.

[Nate Barnard]

Whole milk, 2%.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Nate Barnard]

Given that vitamin D. No, it's just beautiful. Like college age women and then like the homeless.

[Dave Attell]

Ah.

[David Spade]

Who are you turned on by more? Yeah, I know my answer.

[Nate Barnard]

I got a lot to learn from the homeless.

[Dave Attell]

So do they. Do you guys have, like, nicknames there? Like yours is like white meat. Like, what do they call you there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's your grocery store nickname?

[Nate Barnard]

Most of them in the shadows, you know, in the back in the dairy cooler.

[David Spade]

Smart Lelo.

[Dave Attell]

Back in the dairy cooler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it the original Whole Foods here in Austin that you work at or the one that's the creepy small one by the freeway?

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah, the target one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. Oh, no. Oh, no. Anybody that knows the city knows you don't go to that. Whole Foods. They tried to, like, slam it into this super sm. It's like the sunset strip of comedy clubs.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Except the ceilings are lower. Believe it or not, at the Whole Foods. I'm not kidding.

[David Spade]

I have one last question for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, of course.

[David Spade]

When you go in those freezers, do they lock? Does anyone get locked inside or they have a system there?

[Nate Barnard]

No, the door slides open.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I mean, ideally, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

don't you

[David Spade]

always hear about people freezing in there? Is there a big button you push or anything? You ever thought about it? Jesus, I'd think about it all day if I was there. He's like, I guess it would be a bummer.

[Nate Barnard]

I think I'm gonna die on the electric bike. You know, like, that's.

[David Spade]

Oh, better chances.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever wrecked on. Have you ever gotten into an accident on the electric bike?

[Nate Barnard]

I collided with this liberal guy like a month ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A liberal guy?

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no.

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no. You were.

[Nate Barnard]

I was like, ejected to the other side of the trail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't know Biden.

[Nate Barnard]

It might as well have been Biden. But I was like, are you hurt or anything? Do I owe you money or anything? And he's like, don't go on the left side of the trail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Yeah. He leaves to the left in every way.

[Dave Attell]

So liberal. Have you gotten to take out? Do you mind if I ask or wait?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, go ahead.

[Dave Attell]

Do you mind if you. Have you checked out the town yet? Because it seems like you know a lot about it. Do you know the town?

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah, a good amount.

[Dave Attell]

Like, where have you been? I. I Guess not a barbershop.

[Nate Barnard]

But no, no, no. This is my work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is an interesting haircut. I do believe that's not my best word. That's a six all the way around, huh? Is that what you asked for, a 6 or a 7? Is that a 7? Say, easiest haircut ever.

[Nate Barnard]

I think it started as a two, but it just kind of grew to this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a smart guy for that haircut.

[Caleb Barge]

That.

[Dave Attell]

That haircut screams homeschooling. That's what it does to me. No fancy barber shops.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it was a two. And you weren't getting enough pussy, so you went to a seven.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Smart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The face it up. The face says dairy, the hair says bag boy. It's an incredible situation. What's your love life like?

[Nate Barnard]

Empty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. I love the look back to the audience. My goodness gracious. Have you been on a date recently or anything?

[Nate Barnard]

I'm trying to get rid of my air mattress first.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're putting that. You're putting the cart in front of the horse there. Let me tell you, everybody knows you gotta. You gotta practice with the air mattress. You have to.

[Nate Barnard]

It's like a hard level.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You have to. You have to say that, John Dees. You gotta pop that air mattress. See, John D's doesn't talk a lot, but when he does, it's like lightning

[David Spade]

when girls come over you see? Say before you get in here, you don't have any sharp objects or keys in your car?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Spade]

You don't have a compass from school or anything?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nuva ring. Yeah. There's a guy that's 300 pounds sleeping with a little green balloon tonight. So you think you have it rough?

[David Spade]

You know, I like his disposition. He's not a stage hog. He sort of just takes it in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I like that.

[Dave Attell]

Like, he's working at Whole Foods. He's pretending to listen. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you. Have you been with a girl since moving to Austin?

[Nate Barnard]

No, not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you kissed a girl since moving to Austin? Really? Is there a girl out there? You know, we do this thing every once in a while on the show where there's a hero from the audience, a young lady that comes up and gives a guy his first Austin, Texas, kiss. Is there a woman out there that wants to be a hero? Tonight we have a segment on this show called Kiss Me. It's been a long time. We got one. All right, come on up. Kiss Cam. Don't raise their hand if you don't mean it. We don't play hard to get over here. Oh, this is a little smoke show. Look out, dude. Someone's about to have milky underwear. Oh, my goodness gracious. Wow. This is unbelievable. This might be the greatest mismatch of looks in the history of this segment.

[Dave Attell]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

okay. All right.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here he is with his first Austin kiss. Wow, Wow, wow. Yeah. Amazing. Look at the confidence change on Nate Bernard. He has color in his face. Everything just changed. Big smile like he's on an unlimited ebike on somebody else's account.

[Nate Barnard]

Yep.

[David Spade]

He almost beat the out of me for shaking her hand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's getting protective of his girl. What's your name, sweetheart?

[David Spade]

What's your name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Look at this. I love it. Unbelievable. There's a very proud husband out there. I do believe that's Andrew Tate in the audience tonight. You never know who's gonna be here at Kill Tony. It's an. My name is Sarah. What is it? Sarah. Hi, Sarah. What do you do for work?

[Giovanni Vadana]

Corporate America?

[Yvette Palafox]

Work for motor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that accent? I'm Persian.

[David Spade]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? Since you're Persian, this sounds crazy, but Bonsai. The guy that makes the joke books every week for some reason lately he's been putting one up here. A big joke book that is just completely made of hair. There's hair, animal hair, on both sides. And who better to get a big hairy joke book then a Persian girl? Sarah, everybody. An American hero. Maybe not American. And you, Nate, of course, you're leaving here with a big one. Yeah. And your first kiss, Sarah. Thank you so much. Nate, how do you feel?

[David Spade]

Thank you.

[Nate Barnard]

Amazing, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Tell us more. What was that like? What was that like? Kissing another man's wife?

[Nate Barnard]

Ideal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You miss Persian Sarah in a makeout session?

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, man. What happened the second you leave?

[Nate Barnard]

I kissed some guy's wife.

[Dave Attell]

You would?

[Nate Barnard]

Yeah, I kissed some guy's wife.

[Dave Attell]

All right, well, don't yell Beetlejuice. I go get a writer.

[Nate Barnard]

Make it happen again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you feel?

[Nate Barnard]

Really good. It's been like a year and a half. Signups.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You've been signing up for a year and a half Straight.

[Nate Barnard]

Straight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goes to show you. The bucket's crazy. It's got a mind of its own. It'll bring shaky leg. What's his name? Kent Hunter up here once every three. Three weeks. And you waited a year and a half. You were patient and you got your first Austin kiss. You had a good set and we got through it. There he goes. Actually. Actually, I would love to have you at the Whole Foods of Comedy Club's. Third Thursday for the secret show. Whoa. You just got booked on a real show. Thursday night, 8:00pm, Sunset Strip Comedy Club. We realized through eight bucket pools that we did not get a female up here. I pulled until we got a female comedian. So your final bucket poll of the night, Ladies and gentlemen, representing the women, make some noise for Yvette Palafox. Yvette Palafox. Hell, yeah. Make some noise for Yvette, everybody.

[Yvette Palafox]

True story. After a Christmas party, airbase passed out the house. Nothing was stirring except for that dick when I took off my blouse. So down on my knees to suck it like a skeeze when all of a sudden, Santa. If any of y' all think it's Santa, like, I think y' all forgot we're at Kill Tony right now, you know, so just cover your ears because. Yeah, just cover your ears. And for the rest of y', all, where was I? Oh, yeah, I was sucking some head, so I was giving a blowjob like, da, da, da, da. Santa

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

belly.

[Yvette Palafox]

I have a belly like Santa. And so does my dad. Yeah, that's it. It was my dad. So what does one say when they have a dick in their mouth? Very fishes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. I don't know the time. Okay, 58 seconds from Yvette Palafox.

[David Spade]

Is that last line Merry Christmas?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think so. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

That was. I give that a high C for seasonal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Yeah. Nice.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you.

[David Spade]

Last week you could have done that joke. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jizz the season.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to the show. Yvette, this is definitely your first time on the show.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would remember if there was a female groundhog on the show before. Welcome.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, bite your neck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm kidding. You're lovely. You're absolutely lovely. Stunning. Exactly what I'm into. You're exactly my type. Anyway, have you ever done. Oh, have you ever done it? This is not an easy job, people. Have you ever done stand up comedy before?

[Yvette Palafox]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations.

[Yvette Palafox]

So, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this something that you've always wanted to do? What made you try this tonight?

[Yvette Palafox]

I was at south by Southwest and the guy said, you're funny. You go on Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who said that?

[Yvette Palafox]

The guy in a comedy crew. Like, he was a volunteer, like a part of the comedy crew. And so he's like, you should try it out. So this is my second Monday coming up here and I got picked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Absolutely adorable. And what do you do for a living?

[Yvette Palafox]

I am a professional party event. Like a service like bartending cleanup, a servers, Like, I provide the manpower for all the, like, events.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[David Spade]

I think she's got a good look for comedy if you're just started. Yeah, I think just keep working on it. I think you're getting there.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you.

[David Spade]

It's very nerve wracking here. Very nerve wracking.

[Kent Hunter]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not easy at all. How long did you prepare for this? Did you write a lot?

[Yvette Palafox]

I came up with my minute the next day after they told me about you. And so I tried it out on them, and I was like, all right, well, I'll just go with that. And then, I mean, I practiced on the drive up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, let's figure out more stuff about your life that you can talk about about your real life.

[David Spade]

Yeah, let's write her some jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Let's have a little writing session for Yvette Palafox.

[Yvette Palafox]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that last name? I've never heard of such a last name. Palafox.

[Yvette Palafox]

Paulofox.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Yvette Palafox]

It is Spanish. So I'm actually one of the people that's like, no, I'm Spanish Indian. When everybody's like, yeah, all right, you're a Mexican. But I'm like, no, it's Spanish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're like a Native American kind of.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, if the Land O Lakes girl ate only Land O Lakes. How's that for a start?

[Yvette Palafox]

I do cook with a lot of butter. You're right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's a butter joke, everybody. For those of you that don't know, a lot of young bucks out there don't remember, there used to be a Native American woman on the Land O' Lakes butter box.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so that's one joke better than anything you said tonight.

[Yvette Palafox]

Why, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. These are all yours. Let's keep going.

[Yvette Palafox]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you plan events, you clean up.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Yvette Palafox]

I don't plan them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Yvette Palafox]

They call me and they ask me, and I just provide the manpower, service organizer.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I'm not a party host. I'm not like a wedding planner or anything like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the wildest thing. Thing you've seen at one of these parties? What. What goes on? You ever seen a guy have Two threesomes in 12 hours?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I haven't. About 95% of my business is Indian community.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is what?

[Yvette Palafox]

Indian community.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, so you really work with, like, Native Americans?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, no, no. More not like the different, whoa,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you just wrote a better joke than Orlando Waves thing.

[Yvette Palafox]

Right.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Then I don't know if you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know that. Yeah, it Was the nicest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, that was incredible. Not those Indians, but the.

[David Spade]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that was incredible. You really are funny. It's amazing. We're digging it out of you tonight.

[Yvette Palafox]

Well, Sanjay, who's my original OG Indian, like, went out with him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talk a little bit slower.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, yeah. So Sanjay, my OG Indian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sanjay, your OG Indian?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah. That got me into the community. Wow. We went out when I. It was a St. Patrick's Day and I just woke up in jail. But I was like. I didn't know if I was funny or not, and I thought I was, but I saw him literally the next weekend and he was like. We all discussed it. We were trying to debate if you're racist or funny. And we decided with funny. So I was like, okay. If they said it, then okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's always the answer. If you're wondering if somebody's racist or funny, it's funny.

[Dave Attell]

So.

[Yvette Palafox]

So, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

What exactly is her background?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is it says what you are? Spanish and Native American.

[Yvette Palafox]

Apache.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Apache.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Dave Attell]

Well, whatever happens tonight, don't sign any paperwork Tony gives you, okay? Really? You know how that goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. 90% of all of your earnings from here on out are going to go to.

[Yvette Palafox]

If not more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Single. Yes or no?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes.

[Dave Attell]

What kind of guy you looking for?

[Yvette Palafox]

Not my ex.

[Dave Attell]

Oh.

[Yvette Palafox]

He was from the Bronx. I met him on the subway in Manhattan.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, you see? You've traveled.

[David Spade]

How could that.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I thought he was from Manhattan and he was from the Bronx.

[Dave Attell]

Really?

[Yvette Palafox]

He said I wasn't funny?

[Dave Attell]

No,

[Yvette Palafox]

he didn't think I was gonna get picked and he didn't think I was funny, so.

[Martin Phillips]

Haha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He didn't think you were gonna get picked tonight. You still talk to your ex?

[Yvette Palafox]

I have his dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it a hostage situation?

[Yvette Palafox]

It was more of a situation. He couldn't have it in his apartment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he lives here in Austin as well?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, he lives in New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in New York?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I live in San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You took the dog to Santiago?

[David Spade]

I haven't followed one story yet.

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I was in New York. I met him on a subway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Subway. You seem more like a Jimmy John's kind of girl. All right, shut up. Shut up. Yeah, shut up. I'm an Indian.

[Yvette Palafox]

Like that? Something like that. But when I. He. His dog needed a place to stay and I was like, gonna be a good girlfriend. I was like, well, if I was up there, babe, I would watch the dog for you. And that somehow Ended up in, like, me flying out there on a road trip back with the dog because I said I was gonna watch him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dave Attell]

Do you ever miss Neil?

[Yvette Palafox]

He called my bluff. Oh, yes, I do. But I have to now.

[Dave Attell]

Give me your phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing stuff. So, Yvette Palafox, I want to find out more about you. I think we should keep this writing session going a little bit longer here. So you wear that ring on your finger, but you're single. How did the breakup happen? How did you and your ex break up? What was the last straw with the Subway Bronx guy?

[Yvette Palafox]

He thinks it's because of another guy that I told him about, but it was really because he hasn't paid me back all the loans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many loans did you give him?

[Yvette Palafox]

Dog food. What are we talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's Dog? Give us an example of the amount of money for a dog food loan.

[Yvette Palafox]

Well, no, no, no. Like, and cash app in the people's

[David Spade]

court, by the way.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, I want to be on that. That's my bucket list.

[David Spade]

Oh, it is?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah. To be on people's court.

[David Spade]

Name a little higher.

[Dave Attell]

That's a bucket list.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, yeah, that is that in Price is Right.

[David Spade]

You should say it's on my bucket list, Popeyes.

[Yvette Palafox]

No, sorry, what was the question?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know if there was one.

[J.P. Lambiase]

Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I don't remember anymore. How did. So how much is a loan for dog food? Just a ballpark will do here. It's not. There's not like a grand prize or anything right now?

[Yvette Palafox]

Dog food, he owes about 80.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then for $80.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, but then we have the shots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us a ballpark on that.

[Yvette Palafox]

That was around 150 or so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

150. So we're up to 230. Keep going for the tolls.

[Yvette Palafox]

When the. Running the car on the way back, he was supposed to pay for tolls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do we got in tolls? If you had to guess, the tolls

[Yvette Palafox]

in Austin alone was, like, 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30. We're up to 260. Yeah. I would break up with anybody that owed me 260.

[Nate Barnard]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no doubt about it. You made the right choice. I would take their dog forever.

[Yvette Palafox]

Well, it was like I loved him, so it was like, I'll do this for you. You called my bluff on it. I'll watch the dog. But now, then it became like, hold the dog hostage, maybe collateral.

[Dave Attell]

Right.

[Yvette Palafox]

But then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're still bugging them about this? 260.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, well, it's more than that, but I'm not bugging him. We broke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, when you say more than that, are there things you said? Dog food first.

[Yvette Palafox]

Because that's what he was supposed to pay this last time that he said he was going to pay for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was supposed to give you $30 for dog food?

[Yvette Palafox]

No. 50.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

50. Okay, okay. And you said that you told him about a guy. Yes, but why? What was the guy? What's the story with this guy that you told him about?

[Yvette Palafox]

The guy is Topo Chico.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And his name is Topo Chico?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I met him at a gas station.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You met a guy at a gas station?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes. Trying to open my. Topo Chico.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Yvette Palafox]

And hold on, wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You met him at a gas station? And what? You need water?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have some water. Anybody? Give him.

[O]

Give him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give her a water.

[Yvette Palafox]

Oh, this stuff's funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a new one.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Please, please don't faint right now. You okay? Okay.

[Yvette Palafox]

My mouth is really dry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to suck off Santa Claus or something?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a real ho, ho, ho. All right, let's keep it moving.

[Yvette Palafox]

You don't get it overbite like that other ways, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You're doing good. Is this an Apache thing? This need for water? No. Oh, the other Indian is. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Okay.

[David Spade]

What are the top three best tribes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Apache, Apache, number one. Number one.

[Yvette Palafox]

Telugu. That's in India. That's a. I mean, I'm. But sure it's a tribe. And then Aztec.

[Dave Attell]

We got it, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wait, is that you?

[Yvette Palafox]

These.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. He's so proud of himself. For the Indian people.

[Dave Attell]

What were you waiting for it to rain? I mean, really?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. This is incredible.

[Dave Attell]

I think you're awesome. You know that? You know that about yourself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome.

[Yvette Palafox]

Thank you.

[Dave Attell]

The first time ever. You've never done Santa before?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, never.

[Dave Attell]

How awesome is that, huh?

[Yvette Palafox]

I think it's pretty good. I told myself, like, I'll try this out, and if I am good or somewhat good, then I might actually not stop you. I'll put effort into it, you know, and actually do an open mic. But I was like. I was, like, holding out.

[Giovanni Vadana]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So any kids? Any sour Apache kids?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, A rescue. A little Chihuahua mutt thing. So,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

okay, yeah. Wildest thing you've ever done in your life?

[Yvette Palafox]

I crashed a Trump. Like a Trump parade and then ended up in the rally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on.

[Dave Attell]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? You crashed?

[David Spade]

We buried the lead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A Trump parade? Was this at the Capitol?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, no, no. I think it was, like, they're planning at the rally for the Storming of the Capitol. It was like when he lost the election and, like, all those trucks were going around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Yvette Palafox]

Like the Trumpers. I decided, like, to crash in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what made you want to do that? Were you on the side of right or were you against Trump?

[Yvette Palafox]

Well, I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no one even laughed. You gotta love Texas. They're like, no joke detected. No, no, like, nobody laughed it. That was amazing.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, no, I did have a blue bingo dapper on me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[J.P. Lambiase]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're answering questions I didn't even ask.

[Yvette Palafox]

No, no, no, I'm just. Just saying I. I had a blue bingo dapper and so I was like, okay, you had a blue bingo dapper. So I just put that, like, wrote some stuff on the, like, on the, like, windows and then. Sorry. Not sorry you lost.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yvette Palafox]

I was like, trump says that he lost the election because it was right when they announced on NPR that he did lose it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh. And then you love npr.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, I do, actually. And I don't know, I wrote some other stuff. Just saying, like, you lost.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? And then you lost.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah. And then every time they noticed that, like, I was not a Trumper, they tried to squeeze me out, but it was my dad's truck, so I would just, like, gun it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were in a semi truck?

[Yvette Palafox]

No, I was in his, like, Tundra that has like, a weird bumper sticker. But anyways, that's a different thing. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn.

[Yvette Palafox]

I was in a truck called the retired porn star.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yvette Palafox]

With Biden stuff. But, yeah, I was in the parade or their thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yvette Palafox]

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, D. Madness is furious right now. I mean, he's literally so unprofessional on the show. He's like, get this the out of here. It's unbelievable the. That he mutters, like, in my ear. I don't think he knows exactly how close we are on the show. He just hears, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He just touched me. Oh, my God. Sometimes there's a rumor going around, and Red band mentioned this earlier, that D Madness really isn't blind. They said that someone. He said that someone contacted him and said that every time Heidi comes out, deep madness is looking directly at her. Checks her, checks her out.

[Zebulon]

There's photos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta see this. I'm gonna look more into this. You gotta. That would be the most unbelievable long setup joke of all time. Please save it for Madison Square Garden. Oh, what's that be? You sense.

[Dave Attell]

What happened? What happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. You know, I normally don't do this for first time comedians Especially when they're set was, you know, you tried your hardest, but I don't know, there's something about you that I really, really like. I think you're really likable. And I think that if you continue to, you know, take some of the notes that you got here tonight and, you know, enunciate nice, take your time. You're a little bit of a fast talker. You kind of combine your words all together and do it well, anything. But if you do that and people understand what you're saying, I think that this could be something really fun for you. You are funny. I don't think you know how funny you are, but it's in there. That whole head thing with the Indian was unbelievable. Can you catch a joke book?

[Yvette Palafox]

Yes, I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Oh, there you go. Make some noise for Yvette Palafox, ladies and gentlemen. And that was your final bucket pull of the night, which could only possibly mean one thing in the world. There goes the event. Everybody, everybody, Yvette Palafox. There she goes, everyone. There she goes, everybody. Wow. One more time for the lovely Heidi as we come to this, the final, final horizon of the show. You know what it is? Kill. Tony hall of famer, the record holder for all time appearances, minutes and interviews on the show. I present to you here with a brand new minute. The legend, the big Red machine. The Memphis Strangler. The Vancouver Vandal. The one, the only, the Vanilla gorilla. Lights out. William Montgomery, everybody.

[William Montgomery]

Earlier, when David tried to get in the club, they stopped him at the door and I said, do you not know who this is? This is David Spade. And the doorman said, yeah, but it's 21 and up. David, you look great. Okay, that's what I was going for on that one. David Spade and Red band have a lot in. David only dates tens. And that's exactly who red band solicits. 10 year olds. Red band. That's what I was going for.

[Casey Rocket]

Okay?

[William Montgomery]

And Austin Junior High school just got a new basketball coach. I think his name is John Calipari. Okay. They lost to Oakland.

[David Spade]

Ah.

[William Montgomery]

People are upset that federal agents shot and killed the director of the Bill and Hillary Clinton airport last week. I don't really know what all the fuss is about because mysterious death was in his job description.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Abort. Abort.

[Casey Rocket]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is my time.

[William Montgomery]

And I'll be honest, people ask me if I'm gonna ever stop telling these Hillary Clinton jokes. I'm never gonna stop telling these fucking Hillary Clinton jokes.

[Dave Attell]

Joke.

[William Montgomery]

He's literally killing people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. That's true. That is another new set from the great William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. That's how you do it.

[David Spade]

Nice job, William.

[William Montgomery]

Thanks, David.

[David Spade]

I haven't seen all the other minutes, but I'm glad I was here for this one.

[Dave Attell]

You.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you.

[David Spade]

You do exude confidence, I will tell you that.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

And, well, thank you so much. Yeah. And the joke about them not letting you in, it was just about how nice you look. That's all. I was just trying to say you look really nice tonight.

[David Spade]

Thank you. No offense, I understand how it works, but thank you for saying for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For sure.

[David Spade]

I understand. I might be. I might get some crossfire.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I warned David that sometimes you can be weird with the guests and that you're just kidding.

[Dave Attell]

Well, for sure to ask you now, right? How many. How many times have I seen you? At least twice.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, at least twice. Two or three times.

[Dave Attell]

How does it feel to be the headliner of a no money show? That's what I want to know.

[William Montgomery]

It's very exciting. That's why book me on Cameo, please, William.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is William Rich, by the way? He's the number three creator on Cameo and has been for the past year. Yeah, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

It's been great. It's been. I genuinely appreciate anybody who's ever got one. And also, Tony, I started doing this thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, you collect your urine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's it. It's pretty blatant. What? Where we're going with this. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Red band here. Do you want to catch us at some apple juice?

[Dave Attell]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

I just TT'd in a bottle. I thought it was gonna be funnier than that.

[Nate Barnard]

Here, do you want it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me if it's warm.

[William Montgomery]

Is it warm?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check the temperature, sir. You could feel the bottom. It's hot. Oh, wow.

[William Montgomery]

It just came out of my dick, dumbass. Holy. And I peed all over the fucking bottle, idiot. Holy shit.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a real souvenir right there.

[William Montgomery]

But, yeah, no, Tony, I was in Tacoma this past week and the shows were fun. I did six shows and they didn't have a bathroom anywhere close to the green room. So you know how much liquid I drink.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible.

[William Montgomery]

At that time, the trash cans were filled up with bottles of urine after. After every night. So that was exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I made you.

[Dave Attell]

So did you get homesick or. No. With all that urine, you look like a guy collects urine.

[Brian Redban]

You really do.

[William Montgomery]

I have had it before when I was living in Los Feliz in la. I was living in this basement thing at one point and I had bottle, two liter bottles everywhere. I was able to fill up two liters of urine of urine at a time. And I just hang on to them.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[David Spade]

Save it for cameo.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. You've been adding shows to every weekend that you do on the road. And every single thing that I hear about you on the road is ridiculously 100% positive. I mean, people's minds are completely blown. The people absolutely love you. They go in with high expectations and they leave wanting more and getting a full show. You're taking Casey Rocket with you A lot of these weekends. I can't even get Casey because he's pre booked with William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Casey has been coming on a good amendment. Yeah, Casey does great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of the dynamic duo.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah. It's been a lot of fun. And I have you two thank for that. Sweet Tony.

[David Spade]

You're welcome.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you so much. Not you so much. Red band. Yeah, I thought I was gonna get you to catch the bottle of urine, dumbass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But not tonight, I guess. I mean, you know, I don't ever like to get too serious or deep with you, William, but it is absolutely, absolutely incredible. The length of sets that you're doing and the reviews that I've been getting from these sets from fans that have seen you and stuff. We watched you go from not being able to do. What was the length of time that you would be able to do without looking at a notebook or note cards when I first met you? Eight minutes impossible.

[William Montgomery]

Seven or eight minutes impossible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now you're doing 50 plus minutes and glancing at the notebook Only at the very, very end of these sets.

[William Montgomery]

Yes, only glancing, Tony. At the very end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And when we first moved to Texas. When we first moved to Texas and you gained sobriety, me and Joe Rogan were viciously on you about not looking at the notebook and using it less and connecting with the audience more. And you have flourished in that situation, correct?

[William Montgomery]

I am trying.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Damn right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have. Yeah, you really have. It's absolutely incredible. And it's not usual. We very rarely get a chance to get serious. And I especially hate doing it in front of Davitel, who's about to kill me right now.

[Dave Attell]

No, I was going to ask him. He's on the road now. What's his favorite town? What do you like? Dude?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Spokane was wonderful. Honestly. Tacoma, I think Chicago and Tacoma, I've been the best receipt. They all go. They all go well. But really, Coma and Chicago were wonderful.

[Dave Attell]

I Didn't know Air Tran went there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William. What else is going on in life? What's going on?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. I've literally. Tony, this is the busiest. And it's a good thing, but it's the busiest I've ever been. I'm doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fucking schedule is Cameo.

[William Montgomery]

It's totally filled. Yeah. Which is great. But just so busy now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I absolutely love it.

[William Montgomery]

So be careful what you wish for. The dumbass is signing up for this shit. Cause it's way too much.

[Caleb Barge]

Much.

[William Montgomery]

I'm way too busy right now. It is careful what you wish for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is kind of funny. I've been thinking that lately because I. I finally have life exactly how I've always wanted it. And now I have to go on the road, and that sucks. I remember when I, you know, I was on an air mattress and I was in the back seat of my car and I was on couches a long time ago. Like, man, I would just love to be on the road. And the hotels were so nice and so stuff like that. It gets tricky out there. Now I'm, you know. You know, we have a vast sums of money, and now I have to go places.

[William Montgomery]

And I was wondering. I heard earlier I didn't even get a big notebook for Christmas. Tony.

[Dave Attell]

Holy.

[William Montgomery]

I need a big notebook.

[Dave Attell]

What is that about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, it's right around the corner.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's right around the corner. Keychain. Oh, there is a Kiltoni keychain. Would you like a Kiltoni keychain? Yeah, I love keys.

[Dave Attell]

Once you get a house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that suit. Do you see how he caught that? I mean, it's unbelievable. You see these guys that get pulled out of the bucket, they have to focus. They take it dead on. They'd get behind it like an ins.

[Dave Attell]

Such an insult.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Give him a keychain. When he has no house or car. That really is that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He has. He has his own condo and he just. He has so much money that he put an escalator inside of it. He bought an escalator. You want to tell Dave about your escalator?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Dave, I don't know.

[Dave Attell]

You have an escalator in your apartment.

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Dave Attell]

You live in a mall.

[William Montgomery]

It was 300. $300,000. What do you think about that, David Spade?

[David Spade]

That's five cameos according to my calculation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, the people love you. I did a. I did a meet and greet in Boston. Who's. What?

[William Montgomery]

Dumbass is laughing at that? You dumbass. Holy shit. That's funny.

[Yvette Palafox]

To you, you idiot.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

I've been dedicating my life to this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck have you been doing, you dumbass?

[William Montgomery]

I've been pissing in bottles, stupid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very passionate man. He's a very passionate man. Dustin Poirier posted on Instagram, william Montgomery never got to stop meme this week and quoted you in his victory at. In the Octagon two weeks ago. You watch ufc?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, you do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've seen you in a lot of those. He. He said his. His. One of his famous lines is, I'm never going to stop. And Dustin Poirier literally quoted him twice after winning a ufc. It was so unbelievable that when he said it, I'm like, there's no way that has anything to do with kill. Tony.

[William Montgomery]

Justin actually met up with me in Tacoma, Tony. I don't know how. Yeah, I don't know how. I didn't tell you this. There's a place called the University of Puget Sound, and we got on campus and we both started beating the shit out of a couple of coeds at University of Puget Sound. Literally. And this dude is mean as a motherfucker. He was so viciously mean, but also really sweet. But it was fun hanging out with Dustin in Tacoma this past weekend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William, you're an absolute fucking phenom. I mean, is there anything else we need to know about or talk about? Anything you want to plug or anything like that?

[William Montgomery]

If you're watching this again, there's a little bit of a delay, but if you're in Philly, see if I'm. I'm in Philly soon. St. Louis soon. I think that that's all I can remember. There's more stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is there anything you're passionate about this week? Have you been eating your all. Oh, can I tell you another thing is somebody gave me a gift during one of the meet and greets this weekend that I was doing, and it was marijuana in Massachusetts. And they're selling marijuana. And the name with a nice label and a nice can is all brand buzz.

[William Montgomery]

That's genius.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is genius. And people are literally like, you've become part of this crazy zeitgeist of, you know, entertainment and comedy and everything.

[William Montgomery]

David, maybe get me on Dickie Roberts, too. If you make another Dickie Roberts, get me on the second one.

[David Spade]

I'll put you on the short list.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool, cool.

[David Spade]

I'll need a love interest.

[Caleb Barge]

Oh,

[David Spade]

just brainstorming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. William, we absolutely love you. You're a freak. You're the best.

[David Spade]

Good job, William.

[Zebulon]

Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the best in the history of the show. Make some goddamn noise for William Montgomery, everybody. And we did it again. Another amazing drawing from the great Ryan J.E. bell. Let's see what Chris Rogers cooked up. Oh, look at that. William Montgomery over there that he started with a blank slate at the top of the episode and now he's got that David tell. Literally. I'm swear to God, you can quote me on this forever. I watched him last night and I'm going to tell you right now, this is serious. This is literally the best, best living stand up comedian in the world right now. Dave Mattel. I'm dead serious. Without any question, watch Hot Cross Buns on Netflix. That is a goddamn order. That's not a plug. That is a demand. If you're a fan of the show the Kill Tony Bump. I want Netflix to see this three weeks after it comes out. Which is tonight at midnight. Correct, Dave.

[Dave Attell]

That's right, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, seriously, Dave, I mean, you reset the bar of what the fuck a comedian is supposed to be. Literally. You are the best.

[Dave Attell]

Well, thank you, Tony. Can I get one of those books? Can you give me one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I only have little ones left, but that's all I need. You got a little joke book. Literally the best in the world just walked out with a little joke book. Dave, we love you. It is such an honor to have you here always. And how about one more time for one of the greats of all time? David Spade. His first time on Kill. Tony. Hopefully not the last. Thank you so fucking much for being here.

[David Spade]

Thank you for having me. It's a great crowd, super fun night. Thank you, band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks to all the unbelievable, fucking unbelievable time. Getting to have two people that I've always loved on this show. It's unreal. Thank you. To talk to Space Squarespace. Freeze pipe. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? The Kill Tony Band. Carlos Sosa, Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Michael Gonzalez, Matt Muling, John D and D Madness. Red Band. Anything else? Check out the sunsetstripatx.com Love you guys. We love you guys. We'll see you at Madison Square Garden and the Forum in la. We're coming. It's the revolution. Thank you guys. We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.