#663 - DR. PHIL (ADAM RAY) + AKAASH SINGH

Summary

Kill Tony #663 – Dr. Phil (Adam Ray) + Akaash Singh

Recorded: May 13, 2024 | Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX

Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony delivers on all cylinders—the chaotic, electric vibe of Austin’s Comedy Mothership, loaded with outrageous and unfiltered stand-up sets from comics of every stripe. The show’s panel features host Tony Hinchcliffe, co-host Brian Redban, and regular band jabs, with an outstanding guest lineup, including Adam Ray as “Dr. Phil,” reigning Guest of the Year, and rising star Akaash Singh. Preacher Lawson and Jason Ellis both make memorable appearances.

The evening is a celebration of new comedic voices, surprise returns, wild crowd interactions, and spontaneous live-show magic—including a tongue-in-cheek onstage wedding and deeply personal interviews. The theme centers on the unpredictable nature of live stand-up, the camaraderie and competition within the comic community, and the catharsis that comes from finding raw hilarity in real-life hardship.

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Key Segments and Highlights

1. Panel & Opening Banter

• Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban, "Dr. Phil" (Adam Ray), Akaash Singh
  • Reflect on the show's legacy of finding new comedy talent before the mainstream catches on (“shoving Tim Dillon and Shane Gillis in front of everybody”) [05:30].
  • Announce Akash Singh’s new special "Gaslit" and riff about brutal early gigs: “We’ve done all of the worst gigs you can imagine. And here we are now, sold out MSG.” – Tony [07:59].
  • Adam Ray inhabits Dr. Phil with "media mogul" energy, leading to wild character banter and running jokes throughout.

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2. Stand-Up Showcases and Comic Interviews

Casey Rocket – Regular Set

[10:46]

• Zany, surreal and “adorable bundle of charisma,” per Tony. Casey riffs on “rollercoaster tycoon” and small claims court (“Fucked up part is, I don’t have a computer. Six people died. Sorry to the victims.”).
• Wild courtroom prop bits involving a briefcase full of odd items, culminating in “The Riff Attorney, Joe Blaster.”
• Dr. Phil: “Can you imagine being in a court of law and hearing an attorney go, ‘Burger!’” [16:46].

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Brett O'Brien (Bucket Pull #1)

[18:28]

• Delivers self-deprecating, edgy material about body image (“My 600 Pound Life”), sex, and relationships.
• Reveals a recent breakup: “My girlfriend dumped me, like, a month ago” [24:46]. Crowd and panel riff mercilessly, especially after Brett calls clothes “artifacts.”
• Quote:
  • “My standards are kind of…” – Brett
  • “Artifacts of clothing?… That’s a whole different one.” – Tony [26:56]

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Sherry Vaseji (Bucket Pull #2)

[29:31]

• Iranian-American comic with sharp, bold jokes about Middle Eastern culture and immigrant life. Jokes about “pronouns in the Middle East” and “bombing” (as a comic and not).
• Candid interview reveals a lifetime balancing mental health, meditation, and comedy, plus a hiatus from stand-up: “Used to do stand up from '97 to 2003, then had to clean up…” [31:58]
• Great chemistry with panel:
  • “I meditate, I got therapy…past life regression.” – Sherry [32:41]
  • “You got a lot of artifacts of people up here.” – Tony [40:01]
  • On dating: “I like tall, skinny, white vegans.” [37:01]

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Preacher Lawson (Special Drop-In)

[41:54]

• Returns for the first time in years, fresh off a new YouTube special "My Name Is Preacher."
• “I’ve been black my whole life.” – Preacher, when asked if athleticism is natural [46:08].
• Animated panel banter about fame, Austin life, and wild audience encounters.
  • Adam/Dr. Phil: “I’m just jealous. When did you know you could jump that high?”
  • Preacher: “I’ve been black my whole life.” [46:08]
• Discusses evolution of the show and challenge of keeping material fresh: “If you do the same jokes, they’re not coming back.” [49:50]

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Pedro Franco & The Kill Tony Onstage Wedding

[50:37 to 62:51]

• Brazilian comic Pedro Franco crushes with bits about porn ads and being called Mexican by cops.
  • “I quit porn. I think that was huge for me…” [50:57]
  • “Why are you attacking me? I’m using your website!” [51:15]
• Reveals his U.S. visa is expiring and jokes about needing a marriage to stay.
• The show orchestrates a mock wedding with Sherry Vaseji (“I want someone better than me…my standards are kind of…”) [37:28], and an audience member named Tall as impromptu minister.
  • “Say you’re vegan, dude!” – Tony, matchmaking [57:17]
  • Crowd goes wild; Dr. Phil presides. “Once you find that special someone, use it to clean up the mess.” – Dr. Phil, gifting a hoodie [40:01]
• Everyone gets involved in prolonged riffing and celebration as the show encapsulates its anything-can-happen philosophy.

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Cam Patterson (Regular Set)

[64:23]

• Delivers acerbic material about homeless outreach (“If I see a homeless with a drop fade better than mine, I’m mad!”).
• Admits to a fetish for older women: “I will fuck that old lady.” [64:23]
• Discusses heartbreak, athlete background, family, and more with Dr. Phil.
  • Quote: “I like chlamydia.” – Cam [67:37]
  • Group riffs on race, stereotypes, and absurdities with signature unfiltered abandon.

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Christian Alexander (Bucket Pull #3)

[72:30]

• Raw set about hooking up with a homeless woman, foot fetishes, and dark family suspicions.
• Reveals he was molested by his Tia (aunt), leading to a typically Kill Tony mix of candidness, jokes, and awkwardness.
  • “I was molested as a child…by my Tia.” [79:48]
  • “You had ants in your pants.” – Tony, turning trauma to puns [81:22]
• Extended roleplay and Dr. Phil therapy session parody.

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Jason Ellis (Special Appearance)

[84:09]

• Shares his own childhood trauma and recovery; discusses sexual orientation (“I was kind of pan…when I stopped drinking, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.”) [87:01]
• Gives insight on transitioning from action sports/radio to stand-up.
  • “The best thing about [comedy] is…when I fuck up, I don't have to go to hospital.” [89:45]
  • “If you feel sadness and loneliness on drugs, it’s bad. If you feel love, it’s pretty good.” – Avery wraps up.

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Angela K (Bucket Pull #4)

[97:59]

• Dark humor about colonoscopies and health, with a run of medical/colonic puns from the panel.
  • “They’re gonna turn my colon into a semicolon.” – Angela [99:12]
• Panel interrogates about Camp Lejeune exposure and health history; supportive yet still savage.

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William Montgomery (Regular Set, Closer)

[105:29]

• Mixes dark political jokes with recent health struggles (“I have skin cancer again, right on my nose.”) [106:35]
• Proceeds to derail interview with a blend of self-pity and menacing energy.
  • “SW is dead. He’s never coming back.” [110:22]
  • Tony: “William, it was an unbelievable set, but it seems like the interview portion is a little bit serious…”

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Dr. Phil (Adam Ray) – Closing Roast Minute

[111:50]

• Roast set on all the regulars, including Tony, Redban, William, Cam, and Casey Rocket.
  • “William looks like you have sex with girls and then you give them fleas.” – Dr. Phil [111:50]
  • “Tony, you look like the kid on the milk carton who went missing, then got found, then got molested.” [112:38]
  • “Casey, you look like you name a flavor for your boogers before you eat them.” [114:45]
• Smashes the panel and audience, capping the show with raucous energy: “Kill Tony, best show in the world. I love you guys.” [114:46]

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Most Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the unpredictability of live stand-up:
  “This is where anything can happen. This is where we find great talent…we also meet crazy people.” – Tony [28:13]
• Sherry Vaseji’s best lines & the wedding:
  “I like tall, skinny, white. Vegan.” – Sherry [37:01]
  “Say you’re vegan, dude!” – Tony matchmaking on stage [57:17]
• Heartbreak as a creative catalyst:
  “A lot of people say that heartbreak makes comedians funnier.” – Tony [27:44]
• Unapologetic self-exposure:
  “I was molested as a child.” – Christian Alexander [79:48]
  “Who was your favorite?” – Dr. Phil, going dark immediately after [84:22]
• Preacher Lawson owning the panel:
  “I’ve been black my whole life.” [46:08]
• Panel’s relentless riffing:
  “Artifacts of clothing would be your King Tut, mummy hat, like that?” – Tony [26:55]

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• [05:30] – Panel intros and early banter, Akash Singh’s special plug
• [10:46] – Casey Rocket’s new minute and interview
• [18:28] – Brett O'Brien’s set and brutal breakup talk
• [29:31] – Sherry Vaseji’s powerhouse set; panel interview
• [41:54] – Preacher Lawson’s performance and reunion chat
• [50:37] – Pedro Franco’s set, American life, and comedy wedding
• [64:23] – Cam Patterson’s regular set, relationship to older women, and post-show interview
• [72:30] – Christian Alexander’s wild confessional set
• [84:09] – Jason Ellis: trauma, sexuality, and comedy origin story
• [97:59] – Angela K’s set (“Satan’s jizz” and colonoscopy chat)
• [105:29] – William Montgomery’s closer, medical woes, and Tennessee stories
• [111:50] – Dr. Phil/Adam Ray’s savage closing roast

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The Episode’s Vibe & Takeaways

Kill Tony #663 is an unapologetically wild ride—equal parts open-mic anarchy, hyped-up roast, support group, and variety show. The comedy veers from absurdist bits (Casey Rocket), straight-up darkness (breakups, trauma, molestation reveals), and wild crowd stunts (onstage arranged marriage). “Dr. Phil” (Adam Ray) brings relentless riff energy, delivering a roast so potent that every regular and guest gets a memorable shot.

Between sincere encouragement and sharp-tongued destruction, the show celebrates the courage it takes to be vulnerable on stage. There’s catharsis in all that weirdness—whether aspiring comics are bombing, crushing, oversharing, or living out mock-deportation weddings—laughter’s the universal language that makes it work.

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Episode MVPs:

• Casey Rocket (for wild prop work & charisma)
• Sherry Vaseji (for owning the stage and powering through for true Kill Tony legend status)
• Dr. Phil (Adam Ray) (for relentless roasts & keeping chaos funny)
• Preacher Lawson & Jason Ellis (for providing both heart and comedy gold as surprise guests)

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Listen For

• How spontaneous crowd participation becomes show history: The mock wedding with Pedro & Sherry
• Panel’s ability to coax both raw confessions and killer punchlines
• Sprawling, unique chemistry between the rotating guest panel and new comics

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For more episodes and tickets to future live shows: killtonylive.com
Merch: killtonymerch.com
Guest specials: "Gaslit" by Akash Singh and "My Name Is Preacher" by Preacher Lawson available on YouTube

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad tv. There you can also find everything Death squad, including ShopSquad TV for merchandise and the Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas. Links to that are at Death Squad TV. Tony has his own website, tonyhinchcliffe.com he's on tour. He's everywhere. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com Kill Tony has merch. Killtonymerch.com and don't forget, if you missed the Kia forum or the YouTube theater shows, you can watch the replay. Get your tickets atkilltonylive.com and now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Big coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yeah. You did it. You made it. You did it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by Talk Space and Squarespace. Speaking of space, the great red bands here, ladies and gentlemen. Taking up so much. Taking up space. How exciting. How about a hand for the best goddamn band in the land, huh? Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Eli Menendez. This is a sounds like a migrant bus. Matt Muling on the Elect and the great and powerful D Madness on the bass guitar. You guys are here on a really special night. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you, Sam. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? Well, well, well. You know, one of the things that I love about this show, and I always say this, not always, but sometimes I do a little brag slash proud moment, which is like, you know, I. I think we were one of the first ones to really shove Tim Dillon in front of everybody and shove Shane Gillis in front of everybody and really like proudly feature these guys before the whole world knew about them. We're doing it again. Another great top young rising comedian in the world with a brand new special out called Gaslit. And also joining him, he is indeed the reigning, defending, undisputed, undefeated 2023 guest of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Akash singing Doctor. He is Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. He goes by Dr. Phil. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's back in the flesh for the first time since New Year's Eve.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, baby. We're back. Feeling good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Phil starting his own network, running a media empire. A lot going on. We've missed you since New Year's Eve. What's going on?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, Heath Quarters gave me HPV a couple weeks ago just by hugging him, so. Guess we'll figure that out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a magical, magical two nights in an arena. You got guest of the year awarded by another imposter, Dr. Phil, who sent in a video gifting you guest of the year. That was weird.

[Dr. Phil]

It's a great time. I haven't been that fired up since Cool Runnings came out on dvd. Raise your hand if you've seen Cool Runnings. Raise your hand if you've never seen a black person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Deep head. Somebody needs you.

[Dr. Phil]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The way D Madness raises his hand is very suspicious, by the way. I don't know if you guys notice that. You might need a little coaching on that D. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

You got any sound effects for the Weird Salute Red Band?

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

You don't have to, by the way. No.

[Preacher Lawson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. He does not. Akash Singh has a brand new special on YouTube. Gaslit Akash Singh comedy on YouTube. The one hour special special. Akash and I have been doing stand up together for 17 years. We used to. And Adam. We used to all do coffee shops. Juicy places or smoothie places. Not juicy places. Juicy. We used to do juicy places too.

[Dr. Phil]

Sleeping A Juicy Couture.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Store. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We basically have done all of the worst gigs you can imagine. And here we are now sold out MSG twice. Give it up for this man right here. Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. One of the kings of New York landed there. There. 9, 11, 20, 2001. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. You guys have both done the show multiple times. I have another special announcement tonight. 259 people. 259. It could be a record. I'm not exactly sure. I don't think we've ever actually kept count, but 2, 5, 9. It crowded in a bar across the street right now, hoping that one of the young buck producers runs over there and yells their name. Then they get held backstage until it is their time. I'm gonna pre pull a name now. A very lucky name. And while they are wrangling that person, we will get the show started. You know how it works. They get 60 seconds their time Is up. And you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to fucking. How do you fuck this up? How? Why are you hitting other buttons before that fucking thing? Dude, it's unbelievable. God. You have the easiest job on planet Earth. It's a fucking. The kitten button. The same soundboard that you've been hitting for 11 fucking years. At 60 seconds, you hear the sound of a kitten. Wow, impressive. That means you have to wrap it up then. Or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There it is. And then I interview them and we find out more about them.

[Dr. Phil]

And I'm excited.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, Dr. Phil, the guest of the year 2023 is here.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, hey, you guys made it easy. You're the best comedy fans in the world. I'll just say that much right now. And you know what it is. Okay. Were you excited? What are you smoking right now, player? Just tooting on a cigar. Just chewing on a cigar. Aren't you supposed to smoke it? They won't let you. Well, not with that attitude. Yeah, you got to believe in yourself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, getting tonight's show started with a brand new minute. One of our new regulars on the show, an absolute phenom. He's in tight quarters on this show, but if you ever see this guy on a big stage doing stand up, it is a sight to see. But this right now is a brand new minute from our very own Casey Rocket.

[Casey Rocket]

Hell, yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, very good. Sorry I'm late, guys. Police caught me playing rollercoaster tycoon again. Fucked up part is I don't have a computer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

Six people died. All right. Hell yeah. Very cool. Sorry to the victims.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

We're doing good. Hell, yeah. God, it's been a tough week. I'm such a little brat. My parents tried to send me to adult military school recently, so. AKA the coast guard. All right. This is a navy crowd. All right. Hell, yeah. Love that.

[Dr. Phil]

God.

[Casey Rocket]

Okay, cool. Got myself on that one.

[Cam Patterson]

I.

[Casey Rocket]

God, I had a lot of crazy friends growing up. My best friend, his name was Mark McKinney, and he used to take a bunch of Adderall and play Red Dead Redemption. And he would just skin horses for like nine hours, and I would just watch him save the pelts. Big boy and. All right, I'll leave it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. I'm Casey Rocket. All right. The wild world of Casey Rocket has graced us yet again. Casey, another brand new minute. You look fantastic tonight. This is a new look for you.

[Casey Rocket]

Just trying to dress up. Thank you, guys. So much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

An absolutely adorable bundle of charisma. You are the ultra likable Casey Rocket. Dr. Phil. You ever seen anything quite like a Casey Rocket?

[Dr. Phil]

No, this is my first time seeing it live. You're dressed like Fozzie Bear's agent, but I love your. But your energy is palpable.

[Brett O'Brien]

I don't know.

[Dr. Phil]

Are you on anything, or is this just all a zest for life?

[Casey Rocket]

Zest for life. I was in small claims court for the roller coaster thing.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, I don't think anybody in here doesn't believe that. Are you a big roller coaster guy, Casey?

[Casey Rocket]

I built a whole park and it. Yeah, it collapsed. Trying to save money, I used aluminum.

[Dr. Phil]

Red band. Redeemed himself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Red Band Redemption.

[Dr. Phil]

There we go.

[Casey Rocket]

Come on, now.

[Dr. Phil]

Look, I was there. That's what it is.

[Casey Rocket]

Very good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. Casey, I noticed you came out with a briefcase tonight.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, well, okay, we talked about it. If you weren't here last week. I've been a receptionist for the law offices of Tarlow and Tarlow for Shout Out. Shout Out. Tarlow and Tarlow. And they were kind enough to represent me during my civil case, so I didn't have anywhere to put this. This is what I brought to court. This is kind of embarrassing. I guess I could show you a couple things that were in it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that'd be great.

[Casey Rocket]

Okay. So these are just stuff that was gonna help my case.

[Dr. Phil]

Perfect. Red band.

[Casey Rocket]

This is stuff. I was. Small claims court. It was like 5 or 6 million, and so they said, bring some stuff that you think would help with your case. So I brought a shower cap and Blu Ray of Shutter Island.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Casey Rocket]

And if you're not much of a reader, paperback of Shutter Island.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Casey Rocket]

I got some. Let's see, I got some headshots. These are kind of nice. It's just kind of me looking kind of handsome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big boy lacroix. Big boy lacroix. Oh, my goodness.

[Casey Rocket]

Your Honor, could. Your Honor, you really think I could do something like that? That's what I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That does not look like the face of a man that would build a theme park out of aluminum.

[Casey Rocket]

That's what I said. You could tell they didn't believe me. A headshot of character actor John Hawks. I don't know if that was going to help. It was kind of like an alternative suspect thing. It's like no one knows where John Hawks was when it happened. They didn't really buy it. There's a bunch of fucking cassettes. This is a heart cassette. Paul Simon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, is that the soundtrack?

[Casey Rocket]

Johnny Cash. It's mostly cassettes in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think I see the soundtrack to Shutter island in there.

[Casey Rocket]

That's absolutely right. It's funny you bring that up. Garth Brooks, famed soundtrack to Shutter island. Director's cut.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Casey Rocket]

Was. Yeah, I think that was Rodeo was the song they played over the beginning tracks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Casey Rocket]

This is just some stuff that I've been kicking around in court lately, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Have you thought about taking a gel blaster into the courtroom with you?

[Casey Rocket]

Gel blaster, you say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, actually, I have.

[Casey Rocket]

Gel blaster is actually one of the better things to take into court. Huh. It's funny you bring that up, Joe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Casey Rocket]

Let's. Follow me here. May I present to you the RIF attorney, Joe Blaster. This is how I would defend it, ladies and gentlemen of the court.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jell Blaster.

[Dr. Phil]

Bl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aster. Aster. Ari Aster.

[Casey Rocket]

Hereditary. Hereditary. Terry P. Terry's Burger Erger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Give me time.

[Casey Rocket]

Damn it. Scary cow. Not cow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cow. Ow.

[Casey Rocket]

Hurt. Has anyone been hurt by my client here? Very cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have the craziest brain I've ever heard of. You are great at what you do. Thank you. And no one else does that. That is for sure.

[Casey Rocket]

The Riff attorney.

[Dr. Phil]

Can you imagine being in a court of law and hearing an attorney? Go, Burger. Burger. You know what I. I mean? Case closed, Your honor. It is Burger Ergo. That's my new screen name on Xbox Live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Always putting on a big show. Always with some fun things. I cannot wait to see what you do at the LA Forum. And of course, Madison Square Garden. Two nights coming up.

[Dr. Phil]

They're not ready.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. I'm excited about the future with the great Casey Rocket.

[Casey Rocket]

Thank you, guys. So fun. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gentlemen. And so it has begun. Casey showing us what a wild minute looks like these. Those guys have to do it every week. Not easy. Oh, wow, Look. It's the lovely Heidi. Everybody make some noise for Heidi. Everyone, a little something for the incels on YouTube right now. And so we move on to the bucket. You guys know how this works. This is where anything can happen. This is where we find great talent. It's also where we. Where we meet crazy people. Some of them don't prepare. We find out everything we can about them. You guys get it? All right, let's get it started. Your first bucket full of the night. Goes by the name of Brett O', Brien, everybody. Here we go. 60 seconds from Brett O'. Brien.

[Brett O'Brien]

I was watching that show my 600 pound life, and before the lady got on the scale to weigh herself, she took off her shoes, Like, that's the issue. Your crocs. I'm pretty sure it's your moose heart. Then her dog started chewing on her shoe. She was like, damn it, biscuit. I was gonna eat that. No, actually, I weighed myself after sex the other day, and I was heavier, which I thought was strange. I'm like, there's no way there's half a pound of cum in my ass right now.

[Dr. Phil]

All right, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, a great set. 59 seconds on the dot for Brett O'. Brien. Fantastic. My friend, you've been on this show by before.

[Brett O'Brien]

Yep, I've been on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Has not gone that well before.

[Dr. Phil]

Not that well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Getting better.

[Brett O'Brien]

Getting better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been on standup now?

[Brett O'Brien]

Almost five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Almost five years. And how long have you been in Austin?

[Brett O'Brien]

Like, almost three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where were you doing it before that?

[Brett O'Brien]

Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Yeah. There you are. So you're getting better here in Austin. You doing a lot of spots?

[Brett O'Brien]

Trying to do a lot of spots, grinding, you know, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. What do you do for a living again?

[Brett O'Brien]

I'm in software sales.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, ladies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, that checks out. Dr. Phil. What do you think about this guy?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, your name's Brent.

[Brett O'Brien]

Brett.

[Dr. Phil]

All right, take it easy. Jesus fucking Christ. Trying to get to know you, Brent. Brett. Brett, Brett. You hit the comedy trifecta topics for me, okay? Fat jokes, chick cum jokes. Got em. Dog joke. You nailed it. It. Which one did you write first? Because you came out swinging. Really funny. Great timing. Misdirection. Did you write. Are you like a come joke guy first or is it like, did you have the come in your butt and then the joke came?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, I've always.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm trying to ask.

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, Come has always been at the heart of my act.

[Dr. Phil]

For real. Do you have a plethora of cum jokes? It's a fun topic.

[Brett O'Brien]

Not as much as I would like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

but have you ever come inside of a fat dog?

[Dr. Phil]

Good question, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about, how's that for a trifecta doctor?

[Dr. Phil]

Save it for the. Save it for the roast in Los Angeles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, there's no rose. There's no rose in the air right now. If there was one specifically said, don't mention the roast. It's okay. It comes out.

[Dr. Phil]

He's doing the Dr. Phil roast. Sorry. Surprise. I'm doing a roasted Dr. Phil in LA. Who's gonna go? Raise your hand. I'll give you a free ticket tonight.

[Cam Patterson]

Can I.

[Dr. Phil]

Can I plug that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That would be an honor.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay, great. I'm doing it. Yeah. Well, you Were already on it. You told me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Okay. Improv.

[Dr. Phil]

Here we go. And here we go. You got a sound effect to save this right now, Red man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. Phil]

Maybe a cat. That's not a cat. There we go. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Brett, when's the last time you were on the show? How long ago was that about.

[Brett O'Brien]

It was a year ago. With Adam Ray or with. Yeah, Adam Ray. Y.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And so how's your life changed in the past year? What are some things that you're doing with your life other than. Than standup comedy?

[Brett O'Brien]

What has changed? Well, I interviewed for a promotion the other day. I bombed the interview.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not change, dude. Yeah, same shitty life twice.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah. We're one failed interview closer, so we're, you know.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Where do you work again?

[Brett O'Brien]

A software company. That's right.

[Dr. Phil]

Is there a name of.

[Brett O'Brien]

It's called Ninja 1. Oh, Ninja 1. Yes.

[Dr. Phil]

Is it run by an Asian guy?

[Brett O'Brien]

It's not ran by an Asian guy. We just look up to him a lot.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay. And what do you do for them that you're trying to get promoted?

[Brett O'Brien]

I. I do cold calls.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. Can you give us an example of what a cold call from you sounds like?

[Brett O'Brien]

Sure thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My phone's ringing. Hello?

[Brett O'Brien]

Hey, It's Brett with Ninja 1.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. What are you. Why do you sound like you're outside of my window?

[Casey Rocket]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Scared. Yes. How can I help you? What then? What's a Ninja One? Ninja Wand. What?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's getting scarier.

[Brett O'Brien]

I'll call you back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry. I had you on speakerphone the whole time.

[Dr. Phil]

Can I try? Can I try?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Can I try one? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go. It's ringing.

[Dr. Phil]

What's up, Phil?

[Cam Patterson]

Hey.

[Dr. Phil]

Hey, Doc.

[Brett O'Brien]

It's Brett with Ninja 1.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, what's up, Brett? Yeah, you called last night, but I told you to off. What? You still got buckets of cum in your butt. What's going on? Insane. See you, Mitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn Dr. Phil. Cold as ice. You might have.

[Dr. Phil]

You might have to put that promotion on hold, playboy.

[Brett O'Brien]

It's a hot lead for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're trying to get a promotion? What else? What do you do for fun, Brett? You very, very, very dark Dahmer energies to you. You're holding on to that microp strangling a woman.

[Brett O'Brien]

I frequent rainy at night, you know, looking for.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Brett O'Brien]

I'm just kidding.

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Brett O'Brien]

What do I do for fun? I play golf. I go out and drink at bars and the normal stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drinking normally go for you. You seem like the kind of guy that would close it up.

[Brett O'Brien]

Close it up? Yeah, I lock the doors.

[Dr. Phil]

Funny. Funny.

[Brett O'Brien]

No, it ends with me getting drunk, and usually that's about it. You get home, you think. Damn it, man.

[Dr. Phil]

You blew it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You blew it. No luck with the ladies? I.

[Brett O'Brien]

My girlfriend dumped me, like, a month ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did she say? She dumped you. How did she dump you? Text. In person.

[Brett O'Brien]

In person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did she do that? Did she come to your place? You go to hers?

[Brett O'Brien]

She came over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did she say exactly?

[Dr. Phil]

Let's replay that phone call. Hand me the phone.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Red van. Hit me with the jingle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was in person. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, hey, baby. Why'd you call me? I'm in the living room. Yeah, sorry. What's up? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. She broke up with him? So how did he break up with you? Dr. Phil. It really helps.

[Brett O'Brien]

I'm not great at improv.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give me my phone back. Burger er.

[Dr. Phil]

Burger er?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Burger Erger

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

gives me a lot of material for the upcoming roast of Dr. Phil.

[Dr. Phil]

I can't wait for you to do it. It's a real thing. Stop laughing. Trying to. Brett's trying to pour his heart out. So she broke up with you?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. She broke up with you? So are you guys sitting in the living room?

[Brett O'Brien]

No. Front door. Just. Basically. She was on a mission, I imagine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you crack the door. What did she say exactly?

[Brett O'Brien]

I was. I think we were going to just hang out, and she was like. She came over with, like, a lot of my stuff, so I figured, like, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you two been together before?

[Brett O'Brien]

Like, two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. She came over with some stuff. And what did she say exactly?

[Brett O'Brien]

I need space. I want to be on my own. That type of thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Redb.

[Brett O'Brien]

Something about another guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Soundboard. Okay. And what did you say? Like, what, this is kind of lady?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, I just said.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Brett O'Brien]

What did. I. Was it something I did?

[Dr. Phil]

You know what I mean?

[Brett O'Brien]

She was like, no, you know, the. Like, I just want to be by myself because she. I graduated in 21, and she graduated, like two years later, so she's still with her family. And, like, I was trying to. Talking about moving together, and she was like, I don't. Not ready for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Casey Rocket]

What's.

[Dr. Phil]

What sort of stuff of yours did she bring by? Like, what?

[Brett O'Brien]

Jackets, shoes, artifacts of clothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Artifacts?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, clothing, artifacts.

[Dr. Phil]

Who describes clothes like that?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, I don't know if that's even how you say that. Articles of clothing.

[Dr. Phil]

Articles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's a whole different one. An artifact of clothing would be your king Tut, mummy, hat like that?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She brought my old chalice. That's how I knew it was over. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Have you. Have you followed her on Facebook? Is she, like, seeing anybody? Have you. Have you tried to stalk her? I mean, I know the answer to that, but have you tried?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, she's. She's. She's laying low, keeping under the radar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think so?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't think she's getting pounded out by another guy right now at this very moment?

[Brett O'Brien]

I'd hope. I'd like to hope not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you notice that it made you funnier? There's a thing in comedy where a lot of people say that heartbreak makes comedians funnier. Did you write these, Joe? The 600 pound life joke. How old is that?

[Brett O'Brien]

Like six months? It's old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how about the old full of come?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah, I've been. I've been sitting on those for a minute.

[Christian Alexander]

They got over his breakup, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Have you written any new jokes since the breakup?

[Brett O'Brien]

Let me think. Yeah, I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Why don't you try one?

[Brett O'Brien]

I don't understand why. Why people are so afraid to die alone. Because if you're not dying alone, you're dying with, like, a group of people in a mass tragedy. I think I'd much rather die alone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brett O'Brien]

There's a little more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get a little joke book last time you were on the show?

[Brett O'Brien]

No, I got big joke book and then secret show I've been on. This is my fourth time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Yeah. I'd love to have you back on the secret show Thursday.

[Brett O'Brien]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Another door opens. You can catch him at the secret show wearing artifacts of clothing and like that, that. It moves on. We have another bucket pull. Make some noise for Sherry Vaseji. Ladies and gentlemen, Sherry Baseji. Oh, hell yeah.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Yay. I am originally from Iran.

[Cam Patterson]

Boo.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Stop it. Stop it. There are no terrorist women. Come on. Did you forget two seconds ago, Gillili lili? That means celebrate. You know, just don't do it in the airport.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sherry Vaseji]

You know, this idea of covering yourself up in the Middle east is called hijab, and in Austin, it's called a thong. Yeah, let's keep Austin weird. Yeah. So my pronouns in the Middle east

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

are

[Sherry Vaseji]

which translates to shut the fuck up, bitch. There's more.

[Dr. Phil]

There's more.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Or I will stone you. I need some rocks. Where is Cam Patterson? Yeah, so, you know, as a. As a Middle Easterner, whether I bomb or I am the bomb, it's a Win, win.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Sherry the Segi coming in hot. Wow, that was so much better than I expected it to be. When I first saw you walk out, I'm like, oh, this is going to be wacky and weird, but I didn't think it would be fantastic. That was a good set. I love it.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The bomb, bomb part at the end. Little bit, you know, a little bit easy for compared to the rest of your set, but it was fantastic. Sherry, how long you been with standby?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Up this last time since last May. But I used to do standup years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Akash, how does it feel to have your grandmother up here? I. I swear to God, I felt like my mom was up there. I got so happy. You see me smile? I have one question. When you came out and you said boo to the audience, you screamed at one guy, boo. Did you mean to say Jew?

[Christian Alexander]

That's what I've been trying to figure out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you misspoke. I think you missed a punch.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I don't think take sides.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are something else. How long you been in America?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Since 78. Before you were born.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. That is true. How old were you in 78?

[Sherry Vaseji]

13.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and where did you guys move to?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Northern California. I went to high school there, then went to school in Fresno State.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you've only been doing it for a year?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I used to do stand up from 97 to 2003 and then it was a little bit too messed up up up here so I needed to step back and kind of clean up.

[Dr. Phil]

And what do you mean by that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is Dr. Phil. He can help you. Perhaps you've heard of Dr. Phil?

[Dr. Phil]

Cuz we're all a little messed up upstairs and you know, and I talk about that in my book. We've got issues. We've all. We've all been knocked down and we're trying to get up again. Who said that? Jumba Wumba. You got. Got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're never going to keep them down.

[Dr. Phil]

So Sherry, when you're not dressing like a Sesame street character, do you have, do you have hobbies? How do you keep your head clean of negative thoughts?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I. I meditate. I got therapy.

[Jason Ellis]

Okay.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Classes.

[Dr. Phil]

What kind of classes?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Spiritual classes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Regression, Past life regression and stuff like that. Okay, so it was all in the past life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've had some childhood trauma and whatnot? Yeah. Is this all before your move to America?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Probably when I was in my mom's womb, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Your mom's womb.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

How long have you been doing stand

[Sherry Vaseji]

up since last May, Right?

[Dr. Phil]

You just started.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Kind of. But I used to do stand up

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

years ago in Iran.

[Sherry Vaseji]

No. No.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay, well, where the did you start? Stand up Sherry?

[Sherry Vaseji]

In la.

[Dr. Phil]

In la. Green. Well, you're very funny.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Thank you.

[Dr. Phil]

Do you. What, what's your writing process like?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I talk to myself during the day and then stuff downloads and I write

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it because her husband doesn't allow her to read or write. So she has to talk to herself.

[Dr. Phil]

That was funny.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Gay granny.

[Dr. Phil]

That's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, so Allah, your material comes from.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow. Tony, you might, you might get a spot on the Secret show for that joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, oh, right on the roof. Oh, wait, we can't any higher because the ceilings are so high. It's high enough for Sherry to fly a Boeing 747 into it.

[Pedro Franco]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sherry, I love it. Are you married?

[Sherry Vaseji]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're single? You're just a Iranian mountain cougar. Just out here. I love it.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Trying to get to the younger guys. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh yeah. Is that what you like? How young we talking like Heath Cordis or like, or like, you know, Gene Wilder? By the way, I think you stole that jacket from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm, I'm, I'm deflecting. I'm, I'm envious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm with me.

[Dr. Phil]

And you'll be in a world of your imagination. Take a look and you'll see Iranian Sherry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Dr. Phil running it into the end zone. 2020, 23, reigning defending guests of the year.

[Dr. Phil]

I think, I think there's a lot of good stuff coming your way. You're, you're, you know, because it's a nerve wracking thing to come up here. No part of you shaking, you're poised, you grab that mic, you wooed. Everybody was rooting for you right out of the gate. So I don't know, I'm excited to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

see where you're do have a natural stage presence. It is incredible. For only a year, it's unbelievable. Have you done other things on a stage before? Performance wise?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I did a little bit of acting when I was in la, of course. And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Were you in anything we'd recognize? Perhaps one of the Al Qaeda terrorist videos?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Maybe the mother of an Al Qaeda terrorist.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay. You could play that. Yeah. There's movies. There's a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love your style. It is absolutely incredible.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what else do you do for fun? What does a lady like Sherry do?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I try to walk in the morning. I like to have a boyfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're such a sweet little thing. You'd like to have a boyfriend? Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?

[Sherry Vaseji]

No, I don't like dating. I guess maybe that's the problem.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So like your last like hangout or hookup? How long ago was that? What was the situation there? You and only.

[Sherry Vaseji]

It's been a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're Akash, gut type.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Yeah, it's been a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It may be brown guys only for

[Sherry Vaseji]

me to recognize what the junk looks like. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, I'm not going to take my penis out. But, but I think, I think, I think, you know, it's one of those things like riding a bike. I think once you got back, do it, you'd be like, I remember that there were two balls, you know, saggy, saggy. Oh yeah. Now what is your ideal guy? You said younger, but do you need like a physically fit guy? Cuz some girls are into dad bods, right?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I like tall, skinny, white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Vegan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Vegan.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Vegan, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Vegan. Why is that part of the.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Because I'm a vegan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I know, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think you're going to find a full grown vegan, Tall, muscular.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I want someone better than me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want someone what?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Better than me. My standards are kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let me ask you something because you have it all together here, but it seems like you have to do a lot and you know a lot of different things to keep your mental health proper, which is a very common thing amongst funny people. Have you ever. When's the last time you ate meat?

[Sherry Vaseji]

This last round, about two years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And did that do anything to your brain? Did you feel better for a second there? Eating what you're supposed to eat as a human being on planet Earth?

[Dr. Phil]

Boy, somebody listens to Joe Rogan, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Listens. Listens.

[Dr. Phil]

He's right though. Meat is better. It helps your body. Okay? And I talk about that in chapter 11. Meat helps your body. Body suck a From time to time and see what your. See what your brain comes up with. That's chapter 12 and 13.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I'm not completely off meat.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, so you'll eat some meat?

[Sherry Vaseji]

When? When I have a boyfriend.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, so if a boy. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, look out.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay, now that we're here, how do you start? You're in the bedroom. What's your first move? For real? Because there might be a guy out there listening right now. It's like, I need to know if Sherry means business. I need to know if heavy petting is involved, if anal is first base or third base. Where do you like to start, Sherry? Take me through it. We got time.

[Sherry Vaseji]

A nice dinner.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I'm already out, so I think that there's. Yeah, you lost me at food. And taking you for that I gotta pay for. No, I'm joking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Sherry, we have a guy. We have a guy on the line right now that wants to say something. Perhaps an eligible bachelor. Let's see what he has to say.

[Dr. Phil]

I love hemp protein.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's one of my favorite proteins for. We sell it on it. We sell hemp protein. How about that guy?

[Dr. Phil]

He never calls in either. That was special.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the owner of the club, Joe Rogan, talking about how he loves hemp protein.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Not impressed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My guess is he's not tall enough for Sherry. It's all order.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, Sherry, I just came out with these Dr. Phil hoodies that you guys can get wherever Dr. Phil hoodies are sold, which is only one spot. They say we'll be right back on the back. And I only. I only give them to people that I connect with. So I want you to put that on and just live your best life. Because. Because, you know, and. And once you find that special someone, you use it to clean up the mess, you know, but. But I like your mojo. And I actually. I'm truly fired up to your comedy career. Goes. Because you're fearless and that's what you need, player.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I always say. I love the different shapes and sizes and ages and the variety of people we get, you know, all types of different artifacts of people that we get up here. And I love, love, love that you signed up for the show and came out with your explosive energy tonight. Thank you. That was fantastic.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a big joke, bug. Whoa. Whoa.

[Sherry Vaseji]

I kick too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, Cherry. Making me wish I was a little bit taller. And I love it. How loud can this place get for the great Sherry beside you? Thank you, Sherry. Amazing. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you right now. A very, very special treat.

[Cam Patterson]

Treat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before there were golden ticket winners on this show, you know, it still existed. The show started 11 years ago, and I think it was about, geez, six, seven, eight years ago, we found this guy. Probably closer to seven or eight years ago, we pulled this man out of the bucket. Maybe longer was in the belly room. I remember that very clearly. And he went on. He's been on to great success. Sells out thieves, leaders all around the world. He was originally just literally one of the best bucket pools ever from way back in the day. I told him, you're gonna be a star. Nothing can stop you. And he's nice enough to grace us with a brand new minute for the first time in absolute many years, ladies and gentlemen, you know him from America's Got Talent and so many other great things. Make some noise for the great Preacher Lawson.

[Preacher Lawson]

All right, all right, all right, all right. Thank you. Thank you. I think that women avoid eye contact with dudes because if they look at us for, like, two seconds, we just assume they like us. You have one second, and you gotta get out of there. Ladies, one, one thousand. Go save yourself. Cause in a man's brain, we, like, 1, 1000, 2. You're like a dream come true. That's what we think. You gotta go. It's so funny. If a woman looks at a man for two seconds, we like, oh, she want it. But if a man looks at another man for two seconds, we like, you trying to fight, bro. Who you looking at for two seconds? Unless they're gay. But you know if they're gay or not because their chin is down, right? You can tell that's the giveaway right there. Same rules apply. One, one thousand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Casey Rocket]

Hey.

[Preacher Lawson]

Whoa.

[Dr. Phil]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Preacher Lawson]

I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I don't even know why I told y' all that, but I haven't had one. I haven't had a gay roommate. One time. He didn't say it was gay, but I seen him on Grindr. I was like, you gay? Man, what you doing out here, man? What you doing? That's the last time we playing Twister. My name's pretty lost.

[Cam Patterson]

God damn.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn. Oh. Legend of the game.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My man, the great Preacher Lawson with a new one hour special. My name is Preacher. Out on YouTube right now. YouTube. Preacher Lawson. It is so cool to have you back, man.

[Preacher Lawson]

Thanks for having me. This is awesome, man. I appreciate it, man. This is awesome.

[Dr. Phil]

You're gangster, baby.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

So funny.

[Preacher Lawson]

It's crazy, man. After shows, people like, you got to go on Kill Tony.

[Cam Patterson]

I was like, I was on there, like, four times. Why would I go back on.

[Preacher Lawson]

I didn't know y' all were doing stadiums.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago? How was your debut on Kill Tony?

[Preacher Lawson]

Oh, man, 2016. 2016. So about eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Amazing.

[Preacher Lawson]

That's crazy.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember it like it was yesterday. You were by far one of the best bucket pools we ever had at the time. And I remember just going, you're going to be a star. This is it. And then you went, you fucking did it. It was incredible.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah, man. I appreciate It. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just have that natural touch. Back then, we had no male record regulars. It was a thing that we. Because there was no females that were signing up back then, so we made all the women regulars. And so it wasn't even an option to have a male regular at the time or a golden ticket winner. We didn't have that built into the format of the show yet. We were lucky to have, you know, funny 250, some people signing up, but back then it was maybe 20, 30 max at times. But we found you and you went on to fulfill the prophecy. What else is going on in life, Preacher?

[Preacher Lawson]

I don't know, man. I'm just touring right now. Now I'm just touring and auditioning, man, doing this, you know, LA thing, man. You know, the place you love, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, I do. I do love la. I could never live there again. But it's fun to visit and it means, you know, a lot of sentimental value to me. I left a lot of artifacts there and, yeah, I'm pumped about life. How's Texas been treating you, Preacher?

[Preacher Lawson]

I was on a bird yesterday. Someone threw water on me when I was. Yeah, that was weird. Weird. I think they thought it was funny,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, out of a cop.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah, I was just. I was on a bird and I was like, you know, this is going to be cheaper than an Uber. And then someone was like, what about water? And they just threw it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, I was trying to get your attention and you wouldn't turn around. I said, preacher, I remember you from the Comedy Store. And you said, you old man. And I was like, well, here comes the water. Hope you're not a gremlin.

[Preacher Lawson]

That's exactly what I said.

[Dr. Phil]

Now, Preacher, offer, offer. Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A cup of water. It's crazy to think how far we've come from the fire hoses back in the day.

[Preacher Lawson]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Phil, go ahead. I.

[Dr. Phil]

That's all you, Tony. I'm good right here. Yep. Anyways. With a Z. Preacher, I first saw you at the Comedy Store and I was like, this guy's funny. He's likable, and he's pushing the envelope. And then you did a backflip. When did. How are you always. Have you always been so flexed? I don't know what I'm trying. I'm turned on. What are you. When did you get.

[Brett O'Brien]

I've been.

[Preacher Lawson]

I've been black my whole life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was going to say. Thank you. I was going to say that was crazy. Yeah. Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Trying to Distance himself from my racist fire hose joke. Go straight in it. Now can you explain to us how you do a back flip? How is it humanly possible that someone with your skin color can go around hipping and hopping around down?

[Dr. Phil]

You're going to make my mustache fall out, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was more racist than the fire hose thing.

[Dr. Phil]

It was, it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But people are able to jump so high. We'll be right back.

[Dr. Phil]

I mean that. We could just end the show, can't we? I'm like, I think, yo, but for real. When did you know you could jump that high?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When did.

[Dr. Phil]

No, but. But for real, because you know, I'm not athletic, so I. I'm just. Oh, I'm jealous, you know, like. Like when to even.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you teach me how to shoot a basketball?

[Dr. Phil]

You're putting words in my mouth, Tony. Okay, I'll put something in your mouth and you know what it is.

[Preacher Lawson]

Oh, man.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay, well, let's. Let's change topics then. You're special. What's it called again?

[Preacher Lawson]

It's called. My name is Preacher.

[Dr. Phil]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you forget that?

[Dr. Phil]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The easiest dimensional name to remember. My name is Preacher.

[Dr. Phil]

I want to know why you named it that. Why you called your special. My name is Preacher.

[Preacher Lawson]

I. I named it my. Well, first off, it's my name.

[Dr. Phil]

Right, I know that.

[Preacher Lawson]

And then. And yeah, I just think that that's what it encapsules my name.

[Dr. Phil]

But is there a joke. Yeah, I do a joke about it.

[Preacher Lawson]

I do a joke about my name being Preacher.

[Dr. Phil]

Right?

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's great branding thing.

[Dr. Phil]

It is great. Well, it's a tough thing to title something like that. Like for we've got issues. I just go. I said, well, what are we all trying to overcome? Issues. And who's trying to overcome them? We are. Right. So maybe you guys can stop ganging up on me and just answer a simple question, you high flying black guy. Now, am I the hidden camera show. I'm about to bring out Chariot and in front of everybody, if you don't start. If you don't start shaping up and shipping out. I'm sorry, Preacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

You know I love you and I'm just trying to, you know, I wanted you to, you know, share the love of your specialty.

[Preacher Lawson]

I didn't know that was the actual Dr. Phil book, man. Real now. Is he sponsoring you? What is this, man?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I had it made especially for this bit. No, this is a. It's a real book. Pretty sure that I. That I wrote. So let's stick to the script player.

[Preacher Lawson]

That's awesome, man.

[Dr. Phil]

Wait, but how long you been doing stand up again?

[Preacher Lawson]

15 years.

[Dr. Phil]

15 years. It feels like. Yeah. Is there a time when it gets easier or is it just the grind of it always pretty consistent?

[Preacher Lawson]

I feel like everything's always hard, you know, I feel if it's too easy, I think I'm getting lazy.

[Dr. Phil]

Right.

[Preacher Lawson]

You know what I mean? So, I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Completely agree. I think a comedian is always in competition with themselves to get better and, you know, to try to impress an audience in a city that maybe saw you a year ago or a year and a half or whatever it is before you go back. It's like, that's the thing. Yeah.

[Preacher Lawson]

Because if you do the same jokes, they're not coming back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. That's true. And you know, you're fucking killing it. You're amazing. It's such a special treat to have good.

[Dr. Phil]

I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The point is, for those of you that have been watching Kill Tony forever, it's the return of Preacher Lawson. And for those of you that don't know, go watch the one hour special. My name is Preacher. Out now on YouTube, the man, the myth, the legend, Preacher Lawson.

[Dr. Phil]

So funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we keep moving along. Back to the bucket we go. It's been a good bucket tonight so far. Let's see what happens here. A new minute from Pedro Franco. Pedro Franco, ladies and gentlemen. All right.

[Pedro Franco]

I'm Brazilian, man. I love America. I really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I really do.

[Pedro Franco]

I think it's a great place. The thing I don't like, I get called Mexican all the time. I'd be the tallest Mexican in the world, dude. I mean, dude, I got called Mexican by a cop. I was like, officer, how many Mexicans do you know that can see over the wall? Are you serious? It's no sense to me, dude, trying

[Dr. Phil]

to be a better person.

[Pedro Franco]

I am. I quit porn. I think that was huge for me because, I mean, porn is just sad, dude. You know, everything about porn is sad. Even the fucking ads are sad. Click on a porn video, the ad comes on. Are you horny and alone?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pedro Franco]

Why are you attacking me? I'm using your website. It's the only business that does that. Like, imagine went to McDonald's like, oh, you want to make chicken, you fat fuck? It's like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't get it.

[Pedro Franco]

All I'm saying is we're using their website, you know, they should be hyping us up. Click on the videos like, you ready to jerk off again, like a winner?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

As a matter of fact I am.

[Casey Rocket]

Thank you.

[Pedro Franco]

Appreciate it. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, all right. Amazing. What a fantastic minute. Pedro Franco, welcome to the show.

[Dr. Phil]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your first time on the show, correct?

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time I could remember you. You have a. You have a whole thing too.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah, yeah, the couple weeks ago. Right, Two weeks, I think. Shane was drinking and I ran into him in the street. Remember that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you don't know that. Why do people bring up random things?

[Pedro Franco]

I thought that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I was hanging out with a friend of mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, just stop.

[Avery Hutto]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're saying that you ran into me and Shane on the street?

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah, it was super random.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, it's not random. Sometimes we walk on the street. How would I remember you from the street? Did you say you did comedy or something?

[Pedro Franco]

No, he was like. He was going to drink and then me and my friend went with him because we were hanging out with hun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what we're always doing. Yeah, okay, let's just stop.

[Pedro Franco]

That's what you meant. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I was just saying welcome to the show.

[Pedro Franco]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up comedy?

[Pedro Franco]

Six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months.

[Dr. Phil]

Funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All of it here in Austin?

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. You know, it's. It's funny because. Cuz I always thought those ads before porn were like crazy, but I never really had an angle on it. It's one of the first times in forever where I can honestly say I'm kind of jealous of that bit. Like that's like kind of amazing. It's right there on the surface. But yeah, what the fuck? Those ads are crazy. We're blatantly horny and alone.

[Pedro Franco]

They don't gotta like highlight that, you know. That's the whole thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're fucking with us. Are you overwhelmed with pussy? Like. No, I'm about to jerk off. It's pretty blatant. It's a great take though. That's what I'm saying is you have a very natural, you know, it's right here on the surface.

[Dr. Phil]

Brazilian porn is one of my favorite categories. But I don't just type in Brazilian. I need like layers. So it's like Brazilian mom comes home early from Iraq back to surprise Brazilian stepson who's watching, you know like, you know, AirBuds 6. He gets bored so he, you know, Brazilian stepmom, you know, titties, you know. When did you move? All right, we'll edit this out. When did, when did you Move to America.

[Pedro Franco]

Like 2016, I think I'm here 90 years.

[Dr. Phil]

First impressions.

[Pedro Franco]

Love it, dude. Great place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Best country on planet Earth.

[Dr. Phil]

It is, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So do you do jiu jitsu?

[Pedro Franco]

I did it for, like, two months, and then I came to Austin. I don't have time anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, you're too busy swimming in pussy. What do you do when you're not doing standup comedy in Austin?

[Pedro Franco]

Dude, I just do this because, like, my visa's up, so I have to leave. And it's true. I have to leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to leave?

[Pedro Franco]

I gotta leave in two months. So I just been focusing on standing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're gonna make you leave.

[Brett O'Brien]

Y.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Meanwhile.

[Pedro Franco]

I know it's ridiculous. I know. Like, I can leave and walk back in, but I can't stay.

[Dr. Phil]

If you want. I know some guy named Adam Ray. He might buy you a hotel if you just tug it. His heart.

[Pedro Franco]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

I mean, he's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think buying a hotel is going to help us go.

[Dr. Phil]

It's not going to happen. But, I mean, you can reach out,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you know, it's going to be. It's going to be on your bill. The kicked in Door by ice. That for deports him.

[Dr. Phil]

God damn it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't think you'd put me down on incidentals, too. Oh, my God.

[Dr. Phil]

Is there. Are there Brazilian standup comics? Like, how do you figure out that this is something that you could do?

[Brett O'Brien]

Dude, I don't know.

[Pedro Franco]

I just kind of, like, I always loved it, and then a friend of mine, like, made me do it, and I had a good time.

[Dr. Phil]

So have you seen American Comedy?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Who'd you like? Who got you fired up? Louie. Yeah. Yeah. Here you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. What do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Pedro Franco]

I work in rental cars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rental cars?

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Pedro Franco]

I'm gonna say the name of the place because, I mean, I'm leaving the country anyways. I work for Enterprise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm leaving. Wow.

[Pedro Franco]

They're not sponsoring me.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't give a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know? Yeah, they're not gonna do it.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah, but that's what I do. It's boring. I don't like it. Just pays my bills pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Being broke hurts, and I talk about

[Dr. Phil]

that in my book. We've got issues. You need money to have fun. Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, what's your love life like? You're tall, you're Brazilian. I can't even imagine what's going on here.

[Pedro Franco]

Single, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you're vegan. I know a 90 year old Ian

[Pedro Franco]

woman that I was listening in the back. I mean, I need a marriage to stay. So that would be if I can work out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

Let's do it tonight. That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

Can you imagine?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there a. Is there any chance there's a. What's it called?

[Dr. Phil]

Is there an ordained minister?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there an. Is there an ordained minister here where everybody's point. Wait, there's so many of them. This is crazy. Welcome to Texas, where everybody's like, God bless this guy. Wait a second.

[Dr. Phil]

This guy. This guy who looks like a DJ in Grand Theft Auto. You're a minister? You got a badge or something? I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got your ID on you?

[Cam Patterson]

Wait, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is Sherry still here?

[Dr. Phil]

Is Sherry still here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sherry back there?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God. This could actually work. This is kind of what he described or she described.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is, bro. Say you're a vegan, dude.

[Dr. Phil]

Say you're a vegan and she will open up every door and hole, I swear to God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We. We know you beat your meat, but now you gotta sneak your meat. Because if your wife finds out. It's not the first time an Iranian woman's been in an arranged marriage. By the way, this is absolutely right on schedule. We're gonna tell her you're a Brazilian heir and she might be down for this. This is absolutely incredible. We're waiting for Sherry. Can we get the little. This guy puts the mini in Minister, come on up here.

[Dr. Phil]

Here he comes.

[Brett O'Brien]

D.

[Dr. Phil]

Please welcome to the stage Sean McVeigh, the coach of the Los Angeles Rams.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is wild. This could be the first ever kill. Tony.

[Dr. Phil]

He's a hot guy. I'm Sean McGay right now. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, is this legal?

[Dr. Phil]

Was that.

[Pedro Franco]

Is that legal?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know, dude. We're just trying to have some fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

What's up, dog? Nice to meet you. Play your pleasure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. We found the Rainy street serial killer, everybody. This is amazing. Absolutely incredible. What's your name, sir? Tal. What is it?

[Preacher Lawson]

Tall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tall. Wow, that's ironic. That's like the guys next to his name being short.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, my name's Hair. Hit me. Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And my name's straight. All right,

[Brett O'Brien]

Here you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your name is Tall. That is incredible. What do you do for work, Tall?

[Preacher Lawson]

I work on a credit card.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work on a what?

[Preacher Lawson]

A credit card.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work on a credit card? Holy.

[Avery Hutto]

I'm in charge of getting people to sign up for a credit card.

[Dr. Phil]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. All right. What can you. You probably can't say the company, right?

[Preacher Lawson]

Amazon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. Well, you're about to probably get somebody a visa here in a second. Incredible. D Madness has seen enough cleaning the house. D. Madness's middle name. 2020 Vision, by the way.

[Pedro Franco]

Yes. If I'm good at cleaning houses because I'm Latino. Did you hear that?

[Avery Hutto]

I thought you were Portuguese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys Latino? Still having your own podcast over there? What the is going on? Stick with me, ladies and gentlemen. You know her, you love her. Make some noise again for Sherry Viseji, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Now, Sherry, you left such a impact on us that this is the very extremely rare occasion in which we have somebody back on the show. Now, this young man, Pedro Franco right here, this tall, brown, vegan. Let. Yeah, he. Let me just say I need you.

[Dr. Phil]

Guys, guys, we don't have instant replay, but I'm going to show you what Cherry did when she found out that he was vegan. Ready? Tell me you're vegan.

[Pedro Franco]

I'm vegan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

That was hot. Keep going, Sherry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Did I do that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. So, Sherry, we're in a little bit of a situation because Pedro is from Brazil. He's been here since 2000, 2016, and he needs to marry an American woman in order to get to stay in America. Now, the. The man next to you, believe it or not, his name is Tall.

[Dr. Phil]

That might be a red flag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And, Sherry, the. The. The man next to you, Tall is an ordained minister. Her. So with that said, Pedro, I do believe now is the time to pop the question. Ask Sherry. Get down on one knee.

[Dr. Phil]

Get down on one knee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's. He's literally. He got down on one knee. He's still taller than Tall. Incredible. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Pedro Franco.

[Pedro Franco]

Sherry, will you help me stay in the greatest nation of the world?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I believe I'm American enough that I could probably help you.

[Dr. Phil]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. That's good enough. That's good. Tal. What do you say? Do you pronounce them? What do you just say?

[Dr. Phil]

Do you? Yeah. Do you?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah, baby. That's it. Let's go. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kill Tony. A. Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

Maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dreams have come true here. Sherry, you are an instant kill Tony legend. Pedro, you had a fantastic minute. Congratulations. It looks like things may be going your way.

[Dr. Phil]

Does she get to do the secret show for this show?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Literally trying to, like, think of something that we could do for her. Can she do the roasting of Dr. Phil?

[Dr. Phil]

Would that be possible? I'll fly to LA and you can do the roast of Dr. Phil.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got to have someone do. Sherry, what's the longest set you've ever done?

[Sherry Vaseji]

I can. Oh, I can do 15 to 20 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you let us open the show on Thursday after Fog Chow? Why don't you come over to the secret show on Thursday? You're going to open it up. Sunset Strip Comedy Club. What is it, 8:00pm oh, my God. Goodness gracious. Dreams are coming true. Here, Tall. Did you sign up for the show?

[Jason Ellis]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. There you go. Thank you, Tall. Thank you, Sherry. And thank you, Pedro, ladies and gen. Pedro, take one of these. Damn, he catches like cherry. Woo. God damn. What an episode. What an episode so far. And now. Now, ladies and gentlemen, the bucket pools have been so good that. This is crazy. It's time for another one of our regulars, Everybody. One of the best to ever be a regular in the history of the show. This young man is on fire here with a brand new minute. This is the one and only Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

I'mma fuck that guy's wife, man. They just got married and I'm happy for them, but I like fucking old women, dog. That's not a part of the minute. I just want to tell y' all that I will fuck that old lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right?

[Cam Patterson]

I don't understand helping the homeless if you're not going to give them a house. I think that's. That's dumb. My barber likes to go on 6th street and get home people haircuts. And I think that's fucking stupid. Cause you gotta understand something. They get they money because they look homeless. If you give them a haircut, you just fucking up their uniform, dawg. And if I see a homeless nigga with a better haircut than me, I might punch his ass. Really? You piece of shit. Like I'm not gonna get no money to no homeless nigga with no clean ass. Drop fade. That's not finna happen, Susan. A drop fade when you kind of cut the size a little bit and then you keep the rest. I'm done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. This is what we do. My goodness gracious.

[Cam Patterson]

We doing it, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn.

[Cam Patterson]

Come on, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have done it yet again.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it was fun.

[Dr. Phil]

That was good.

[Cam Patterson]

I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, that might be.

[Dr. Phil]

That might be my favorite one so far.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam Patterson, absolutely unstoppable right now. He is on fire. We did an episode of the Dr. Phil show yesterday.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah, baby. Get ready. Tony, Cam and William at the same time, baby, last night. Yeah, you guys murder that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was fun.

[Cam Patterson]

What's they had on?

[Pedro Franco]

A thong.

[Cam Patterson]

That was disturbing.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Disturbing.

[Dr. Phil]

Somebody came out in a thong. And then. And then, you know, Cam said the N word or something, you know.

[Cam Patterson]

But that's my favorite word, man.

[Dr. Phil]

You guys murdered it, man. It was fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam, that is an amazing joke about giving the homeless people haircuts. Unbelievably fantastic. Smart, funny, everything. As always, you came through riding the momentum of what happened on stage.

[Cam Patterson]

That was insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. That was crazy. It's a wild show.

[Cam Patterson]

I was asking you in the back, like, can they do that? Can that really happen? Is that legal? Nick? He said, hell yeah. That's what he said.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wanna get mad?

[Cam Patterson]

Hell yeah. What the fuck, man? That's not a real thing. That's not real shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it'll be interesting to see. I don't know if the. I don't know if I just finna

[Cam Patterson]

kick that nigga door in.

[Christian Alexander]

Steal.

[Dr. Phil]

You said you like older women. Sherry. Did we find out how old Sherry was? Was maybe late 50s, early 60s?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

73. So you moved in 76 minus 13. So 63.

[Dr. Phil]

63. Is that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, no, she was born in 63, which means she's

[Dr. Phil]

61. Thanks.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I the out that lady.

[Dr. Phil]

You would. Yeah, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

She ain't get a new CHL yet. I had that already, you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Dr. Phil]

What does that do to you again? CHL does what? Just burns a little bit. Let her a little bit can fight through that.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it's good.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Is fun, man.

[Dr. Phil]

You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know. You don't have to school me on the signs of burning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good time, man.

[Cam Patterson]

I like that. I like chlamydia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool as, bro. Is that one of your cousins? Chlamydia. Chlamydia.

[Cam Patterson]

Jenkins, I'm going to name my daughter that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bleeding?

[Cam Patterson]

What's going on right here?

[Dr. Phil]

Probably okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is he bleeding?

[Dr. Phil]

Am I bleeding?

[Cam Patterson]

Little neck, look. Got a little neck. Little something like your neckline right there.

[Dr. Phil]

Is this a decoy? So you can steal my wallet?

[Cam Patterson]

Why would I steal your wallet, Dr. Phil?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know. But if you're here, who's outside? Target selling candy bars for their baseball team. Sorry. Once it was here, I had to do it.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't play baseball. I play basketball.

[Dr. Phil]

That's right. That's right. You told me that. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on.

[Dr. Phil]

Last night on the show, What I love about last night's show, I can't wait for you guys to see is Cam opened up, man. We got some real deep cut history from you.

[Brett O'Brien]

Hell yeah, man.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't Know, you were such a superstar athlete and your coach was. That was crazy.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, man. Coach Sarge.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, Coach Sarge. You guys will see.

[Pedro Franco]

But.

[Dr. Phil]

But now. And he hasn't reconnected with you, has he?

[Cam Patterson]

Huh? The funny thing is, he did tell me one time. He always had his saying. He'll be like, y. Understand something. I'm always right. I'm never wrong. I might be wrong in the moment, but I'm always gonna be right. And then the last day I. I seen him, he told me, he said, I don't know why you played basketball, nigga. You should be a comedian. You goofy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he was right.

[Cam Patterson]

He was right as. So you know, his head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Now, I have another question for you, Kim, and don't take this the wrong way. Can you do a backflip? And if you can, and if you can, appreciate you. I'm going to give a costly assist on that one.

[Cam Patterson]

I could do a backflip.

[Dr. Phil]

You can.

[Cam Patterson]

We learned it from birth.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Out the womb. We just start flipping, dog. Just come out flipping like how dolphins come out swimming. We just. All right, let's hit it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I'm saying? It's very easy.

[Cam Patterson]

You can't flip.

[Dr. Phil]

I mean, I can flip a girl over if I'm her on her period. Come on, on now.

[Cam Patterson]

Talk to me. That was weird, but I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. Strange. Well, I.

[Dr. Phil]

Could I talk about it more in my book, in chapter 12. We've got issues. Don't let a period stop a Tuesday from being the best day ever.

[Cam Patterson]

You got an audio version of that?

[Dr. Phil]

I'll sign it for you. Okay, I got you. If you flip for me.

[Cam Patterson]

Wait, what? If you flip for me? What kind of weird scenario is this? Dr. Phil, flip for me. They going to flip. Just do a flip, man.

[Dr. Phil]

I didn't say the nword or the man thing. I was sincerely trying to make plans for the weekend. All right. I love you, Cam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

La too, man.

[Dr. Phil]

I need to see. I need to see a Tony. A tour and see Cam out there. Is it just bananas when he comes out?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. I don't know why you would use the word bananas. God damn it.

[Cam Patterson]

Dr. Feel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. That's crazy.

[Dr. Phil]

I swear to God that one was on mistake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it must be a blast out there. I bet it's just a good old bowl of watermelon out there, huh? I bet it's just a ro. Like a rotisserie chicken just spinning around. God damn it. God.

[Cam Patterson]

The man just said black chicken. He just. What the.

[Preacher Lawson]

This is great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My Goodness, I bet it's just a goddamn Medea goes to the fun house. Wow, Dr. Phil, you are accidentally out of control tonight. You've got issues.

[Dr. Phil]

When I talk about that in chapter 16, about my own personal struggles and what I'm doing to overcome them. Thanks for the plug, Tony. You know what plugs feel like, don't you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All that. What? Oh, man.

[Dr. Phil]

Redban, you got a butt plug sound effect or something?

[Casey Rocket]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Dr. Phil]

Wait. What did he do? I didn't hear it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a fart noise. Brilliant red band. Right on.

[Dr. Phil]

Kids are watching.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Cam, you did it again. We absolutely love you. You're a freak of nature. Absolute, absolute bananas. The best. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. And back to the bucket we go. Not easy to follow that. And so, on a mission. 60 seconds from Christian Alexander. Here we go. What's up?

[Christian Alexander]

How we doing? We can all agree there's a homeless epidemic. Like the other day I saw a homeless lady with a fat ass. She came up to me, can I have a dollar? And I was like, would I ask like that? I'll give you a home, bitch. Poor thing barely spoke a lick of English. I was like, what's your name? She goes, what a beautiful name. Took her home, hosed her down. Mom, this is rural. She be staying here a while. She helped me. Started believing in God. Cause I busted a nut inside of her, right? And I was like, God, if you real please don't let her be pregnant. And exactly a week later, her ass got hit by a car. Won't he do it? Nah, fuck that. My car did get towed. Totaled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not gonna get a homeless pregnant.

[Avery Hutto]

What the.

[Dr. Phil]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yet another set. Christian Alexander, welcome. This is your first time on the show?

[Christian Alexander]

Yes, sir.

[Pedro Franco]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Christian Alexander]

23.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

23 years old. How long you been doing stand up?

[Christian Alexander]

Two years consistently, but four years my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You from time to time. Texas.

[Pedro Franco]

Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Austin. Houston. And that's where you live now? Yep. With your mom?

[Christian Alexander]

Oh, 100%.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. The free rent. Absolutely. What do you do for work? Ah,

[Christian Alexander]

I work at Adidas and it's great. Cuz I got a foot fetish. So I see a lot of hoses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Toes up. Oh, look at that.

[Dr. Phil]

What do you. What's your. What size do you like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Size S7Y. Wow. He knew exactly what he's into there. Is that a size 7 in men's or women's?

[Christian Alexander]

Women only.

[Dr. Phil]

O yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

Men's is disgusting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Women do that.

[Dr. Phil]

Pretty your feet. Is there something about the foot. Like, what do you love about it?

[Christian Alexander]

The stank.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The stank.

[Avery Hutto]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a dirty little boy.

[Cam Patterson]

Look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. Christian, do you have a girlfriend?

[Brett O'Brien]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you say it like that?

[Christian Alexander]

Because inflation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very cheap for a guy that lives with his mother. Inflation. Do you know what that means?

[Christian Alexander]

Kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kind of. What do you do for fun? What does a 23 year old like Christian Alexander do for fun?

[Christian Alexander]

Drink and drive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Christian Alexander]

Practice it. Practice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. The Houston pastime of drinking and driving. Driving. What else? What do you like to drink, Christian? You. A tequila.

[Christian Alexander]

Tequila soda. Yeah, I was trying to get a shot back there, but I was thirsty. Huh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't demand. Have you been drinking today?

[Casey Rocket]

Oh, yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

It's Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Christian Alexander]

This is Austin, huh?

[Dr. Phil]

Inflation. Inflation. Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah? Do you have to drive home tonight to Houston?

[Christian Alexander]

No, I got my dad's credit card, so I ain't really paying for nothing.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, new Amazon credit card. Card. All right. So mom and dad are still together?

[Christian Alexander]

Yeah, but I wish they weren't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Christian Alexander]

Cuz, I don't know. Maybe my mom might be cheating. Who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What makes you say that?

[Christian Alexander]

She's a Walmart couponer, but she never has coupons. And she goes like every day, like, where the coupons at? You know what I mean?

[Dr. Phil]

No, we don't.

[Christian Alexander]

What the. You go to Walmart every day, you bring back like nothing. You say you're a couponer, but you never see any coupons.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, gotcha. So she's saying that she's looking for the discounts and the deals, but she never comes home with any actual items.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

No, she comes back like the same cereal.

[Dr. Phil]

What kind of cereal?

[Christian Alexander]

Reese's Puffs. That's probably her boyfriend's favorite. Who knows?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wow. This is very suspicious. What does dad do for work?

[Christian Alexander]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You?

[Christian Alexander]

He's a manager, but like, I don't know what he works in. She rock. I don't ask, we don't talk. You know what I mean? He's my dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's Mexican.

[Dr. Phil]

Why don't you and your dad talk anymore?

[Christian Alexander]

We don't watch wrestling anymore, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you used to watch wrestling together?

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

It was cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't catch this last Wrestlemania?

[Cam Patterson]

I did.

[Christian Alexander]

Oh, my God, it was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was crazy.

[Christian Alexander]

It was crazy. I jumped up and down when Cena came up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was your favorite part? Cena?

[Christian Alexander]

No, the cena. I was like, oh, my gosh. John Cena?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

Then Undertaker came out and my. My heart sank to my ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's True.

[Dr. Phil]

Me too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It got me. Got the best of me too. There it. It got me.

[Christian Alexander]

I didn't like Randy Orton though. He was a little too like fat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we're getting off subject. Going a little too, too inside Baseball. Christian, what's your love life like?

[Dr. Phil]

Desperate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Christian Alexander]

A little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

I like taller women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah.

[Christian Alexander]

I like them all, but mostly taller women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so wait, do you like a big foot or you want a tall

[Casey Rocket]

girl with little feets?

[Christian Alexander]

She got skinny ones with veins on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You talking about her foot? Yeah, that's what she's talking about. So you like a. You like a veiny, stinky foot?

[Christian Alexander]

She works hard. I got to stink. You know what I mean? She works a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Little hair. Well, she's going to have to work hard with young ladies. The ass. Incredible.

[Dr. Phil]

When's the last time you spoke to your father, Christian?

[Christian Alexander]

I told him I loved him the other day. Man, his. He's paying for a lot of that. I. I got to be appreciative and grateful.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, it doesn't. Well, I feel like there's a lot of stuff you haven't said to him and Red Band, if you can hit me with some soft piano music. I wouldn't. I would love to role play a little conversation to warm you up for the real one you should be having soon. Okay, Red.

[Cam Patterson]

Ben, hit me.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm going to play Christian's dad. And Christian, you play yourself in this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no way you could it up. Christian, this is your father. What's your dad's name?

[Christian Alexander]

Mayo.

[Dr. Phil]

All right, so here I'm gonna you knock on the door. Hey, who is it? This is my. Or is that the be the delivery guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, she.

[Dr. Phil]

Christian. What's up, dog? How's Adidas treating you, player? How the foot? Ben, you smell some good feet lately? No, I just kid. I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love you.

[Dr. Phil]

I say, come on. I miss you, dog. We never watch wrestling anymore. Remember John Cena? Remember when John Cena came?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember that.

[Dr. Phil]

Remember? I know I used to take you to wrestling all the time, but you know, inflation, you know, I can't take you anymore.

[Christian Alexander]

You've never talked to me this much.

[Dr. Phil]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another one. My goodness. Christian. Alexander, before we let you go, what's something about your life that would really surprise us? You ever like the craziest thing that's ever happened to you that you think makes you different than everybody else? You ever almost die or.

[Christian Alexander]

I was molested as a child.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, it Was a up time, man. I remember I came home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you really kind of about a woman?

[Christian Alexander]

You know, really count, you know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who was the woman? Matia.

[Christian Alexander]

We're still friends on Facebook too, so, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like Tyler Perry?

[Brett O'Brien]

Bigger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? He said Mya. Not. Not Medea. Oh, I thought you said Medea.

[Dr. Phil]

It's a classic. Medea. Ikea kerfuffle. Wait, how old was she when you were getting. How old were you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what do you remember about this? What did she do to everything, dude?

[Christian Alexander]

Nah, nah, nah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did she do to you? It's okay.

[Christian Alexander]

She just put on a little porn. I was like, we're gonna do what they doing.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second.

[Christian Alexander]

And I was like, let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your tia for the. For the white people. Can you explain what your TIA is?

[Christian Alexander]

They know what's up. This is Texas, you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And also millions on the Internet right now. So go ahead and explain. What the. Atia is my dad's sister, Right? Yeah, you had. You had ants in your pants. Thank you. Right there. Top five molestation joke you will ever hear in your life. That is true.

[Dr. Phil]

You're on fire tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was unbelievable. Oh, my God. Hey, keep talking about your trauma. We'll think of more puns. You can read all about it in my book. We've got tissues. Oh, you know what? Oh, my God. It's a big joke book, my friend. And you know what? Since you were molested when you were little, here's a little joke book, too. First person to ever get two joke books. Make some noise for Christian Alexander, ladies and gentlemen.

[Dr. Phil]

Great job, baby. Keep at it, player. Keep at it. Great to see you. Great joke. Great interview.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, you know, before we get to this bucket pool, actually, we have someone special. A. You know, the. The. The molestation thing reminded me there is a young teen who.

[Dr. Phil]

I can't believe I didn't ask him. Who touched you? You know? What do you mean, Christian? Who touched you? That's how I got famous. Was. Who touched you? Oh, I didn't ask him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Can we bring him back out? I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was his tia.

[Dr. Phil]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was his tia.

[Dr. Phil]

I know, but I don't know what that is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He just explained it. His paternal.

[Dr. Phil]

No, but I don't know. I. I should have asked before he said

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

was his. It was his aunt.

[Dr. Phil]

Right, but I. I should have asked before he said it. Can the music get louder somehow? I can't Hear you, Tony. I can't hear you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, hold on. Jesus Christ. All right, so moving forward, not backward. There's a young teen who, you know, wanted to talk with you. Dr. Phil. He's trying to solve some issues in his life, and he just so happens to be on a hit podcast with a new friend of the show, Tony Hawk. Ladies and gentlemen, from the podcast Hawk vs Wolf, here to talk it out with Dr. Phil. Make some noise for the great Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Jason Ellis.

[Jason Ellis]

You, Tony Inchcliffe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Molestation. That's what we're going with.

[Jason Ellis]

How many books do I get? I got molested by, like, five people

[Preacher Lawson]

when I was growing up.

[Jason Ellis]

How many books do I get?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now's your chance, Dr. Phil.

[Dr. Phil]

Who was your favorite?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Jesus Christ.

[Dr. Phil]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who. Who touched you sidebar. Was your favorite, right?

[Jason Ellis]

I think the older ones, the women, were my favorite because. Not as gay as I used to be.

[Dr. Phil]

How old are we talking? And how old were you when it was transpiring?

[Jason Ellis]

First ones were real little, like four to, like, six.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six. And then.

[Jason Ellis]

Oh, who cares? I'm fine now.

[Sherry Vaseji]

What do they. What do they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do they do to you when you're that young? Because you can't get hard that young, right?

[Dr. Phil]

You'd be surprised, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you. You seem like the kind of guy that actually probably could get hard at 4 years old.

[Jason Ellis]

Jason, I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

[Dr. Phil]

It's not. It's not.

[Pedro Franco]

Well, then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You again, tough guy. You seem like it's your guy. Like you could get hard when you

[Jason Ellis]

tough guys get hard when they're four. That's right.

[Pedro Franco]

Yeah, they do.

[Christian Alexander]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, okay, so now. I like your shirt, by the way. Is this one of the girls that did it? Oh, that's.

[Jason Ellis]

I'm trying to.

[Preacher Lawson]

I'm.

[Jason Ellis]

I'm. I'm trying to show you that I'm into women.

[Dr. Phil]

Hell, yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Speaking of women, Sherry, if that wedding. That thing doesn't go well, I'll drop some bombs in her bag, dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I like that.

[Brett O'Brien]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jason Ellis. Ready to pound out a little sand rabbit, you know what I'm saying? A little bit of that.

[Dr. Phil]

That was my nickname in middle school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Trying to find out the. The. Some. Some fun from the. All right. Like, jokes hit me at once. I short circuited there. I love it. So, you know you said you're not gay anymore. What are you talking. I'm not.

[Jason Ellis]

I wasn't gay. I don't know who's gay or you or Me?

[Avery Hutto]

Seriously?

[Jason Ellis]

Like, just because I admit it, that might be the only difference.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're. You're gayer than me. You did gay.

[Jason Ellis]

I think the only difference between you and I being gay and people making fun of us is I back it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn right.

[Jason Ellis]

That's why I didn't do. A minute, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But an interesting thing happened. You told me about it earlier.

[Pedro Franco]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were kind of gay.

[Preacher Lawson]

Bye.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were bi.

[Jason Ellis]

Or pan, if you want to be, like, super gay about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you quit drinking. And what happened? You're gonna find this interesting, Dr. Phil.

[Dr. Phil]

I can't wait.

[Jason Ellis]

I. I don't really like it anymore.

[Dr. Phil]

The.

[Brett O'Brien]

The.

[Dr. Phil]

The taste or what it does to your. Or what it does to your mind.

[William Montgomery]

That's a valid question.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, I just don't feel like doing it anymore. I used to want to fuck everybody all the time. Anybody, like trans girls, guys, everybody. I was kind of like, the more the better.

[Dr. Phil]

How about Maphrodites?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, fuck it. Have you got one?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, I know a couple.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, I did know. I knew a guy that was born a girl, and he had a vagina and a half a penis with a rubber one stuck on it, and they made balls out of his clit. So he had balls, a dick and a vagina and no boobs. And a beard.

[Cam Patterson]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The beard really throws it off.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

I'm single, by the way. Can you believe that?

[Dr. Phil]

Wait, so a ball, a vagina, and a.

[Jason Ellis]

And there was a button in between the balls. If you pressed it, he would come.

[Dr. Phil]

No joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, unfortunately, yes.

[Dr. Phil]

That's called a butthole, Jason. Hate to break it to you, but a butthole is also a bug. He had one of those. Chapter 22, the butthole button.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Dr. Phil]

You can get a copy.

[Jason Ellis]

I might need that, especially after this thing.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, no, you're a. You're an open book, and I like that. You always have been, right? I think you're a pretty fearless guy on stage and off stage.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, it looks like it, right?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. What do the tattoos mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Some.

[Jason Ellis]

No, I mean, just to be. To protect my small child. Fear, like terrified self inside. I went to therapy for that.

[Dr. Phil]

I love that. Yeah. Are any of the tattoos pre or post gay?

[Jason Ellis]

They're all gay, actually.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay. What's on your head?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A wolf.

[Dr. Phil]

I love that.

[Jason Ellis]

And then an eagle on the back and some snake around, like, I got. I like animals.

[Dr. Phil]

Me, too.

[Jason Ellis]

Small world.

[Christian Alexander]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Jason Ellis. You're going on tour? What are you doing on this tour, Jason?

[Jason Ellis]

Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Accidentally, like, I tried to. I've been. I got fired from serious. That was a really cool moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

I used to think that was what I was gonna be as a radio person for the rest of my life. And then Sam Tripley was like, you should do comedy. And I was like, I work. Like, how would that work? And then they fired me. And I was like, now would be a good time to try comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

And then because I got fired, it was, like, really depressing. And I felt like I hated my. Myself, which made me fit right into comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's exactly.

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Preacher Lawson]

I got a lot of good friends.

[Jason Ellis]

We all hate each other and ourselves.

[Avery Hutto]

It's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been trying comedy now?

[Jason Ellis]

For, like, four years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you love it?

[Jason Ellis]

I fucking. The best thing about it is I get nervous, I get scared, like I do with skateboarding and fighting. But when I fuck up, I don't have to go to hospital.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

I just get, like, really depressed and go home and, like, you know, rain gets sad. Like all you guys used to before you were good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Preacher Lawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

It's fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a shame there's not a button that makes things all better. Oh, there is.

[Jason Ellis]

It's just. I don't want to press it anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jason, thank you for swinging by.

[Jason Ellis]

Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Versus Wolf available everywhere. He's on tour at the jason ellis.com. one more time for Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Come on, make some noise for Jason Ellis, everybody.

[Dr. Phil]

Very funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another bucket pool. We are moving smoothly through it. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Avery Hutto. Avery Hutto, everybody. Here we go. Clap for Avery, everyone.

[Avery Hutto]

So I actually used to date a girl who's bisexual. She's kind of like a medium gay. You wanna know something embarrassing? When her and I first started dating, she had actually slept with more women than I have. But here's the deal. I grew up like a super strict Catholic, so I fucked way more dudes.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, we actually.

[Avery Hutto]

She broke up with me because I used to beat her all the time in board games. Yeah, we'd be playing Monopoly. She'd start to win. I'd get super amped up, and then I'd punch her in the face. Yeah, I'm trying not to do cocaine anymore. It's making me too powerful. Yeah, my favorite thing to do on cocaine was try to stand completely still. It makes you feel like you're hitting a grind on Tony Hawk's pro skater. We got any. Any ketamine fans in the audience? Dude, Fucking losers, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fucking losers, dude.

[Avery Hutto]

There's nothing worse than anybody who likes ketamine. Ketamine's for people who got punched in the face and they're like, oh, yeah. That was awesome. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Avery Hutto, this is your first time on the show?

[Avery Hutto]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing standup?

[Avery Hutto]

About six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years? Where at?

[Avery Hutto]

I started in Detroit, then Chicago, then here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been here?

[Avery Hutto]

About two years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love it?

[Avery Hutto]

I love it.

[Pedro Franco]

It's so much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you pick? Austin, Texas?

[Avery Hutto]

I was in Chicago, broke up with a girl. I had some friends who were moving down here, and I'm like, fuck it, let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. I love it. What do you do for work?

[Avery Hutto]

I work at a cowboy boot company.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Yes. Allen's Chisos.

[Avery Hutto]

Chisos Cowboy boots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's that at?

[Avery Hutto]

South First.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Chisos.

[Avery Hutto]

I don't think you should come in and get some cowboy boots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think I might.

[Avery Hutto]

Okay. I would love that. I. I'm there at the store, so I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. It's going to be good to have someone that speaks English. Was that.

[Dr. Phil]

Was that the dream? To work, selling cowboy boots? What was the real dream, Avery?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cowboy.

[Avery Hutto]

Honestly, once you get into cowboy boots, it's hard to see anything else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is pretty cool.

[Brett O'Brien]

Look it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm serious.

[Avery Hutto]

Dr. Phil, check these bad boys out.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, those are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are sweet.

[Avery Hutto]

Those are some badass cowboys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Checks out.

[Dr. Phil]

What? What sort of. You got all different types. Are they made from animals or where do you get them from?

[Avery Hutto]

This is going to be a genuine cowhide leather. That's our retired dairy cow. We also make AAA grade ostrich if you're interested.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm not.

[Avery Hutto]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Phil, aren't you from Houston? You. You wear boots.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why aren't you interested in this guy's boots?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know. Cuz I. I sometimes I go in and out of being interested.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My God. What's happening right now?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're going to make my mustache fall off.

[Preacher Lawson]

After.

[Dr. Phil]

After Cam tried to steal my wallet, I got frazzled. All right, wait now, Avery, you said you had a girlfriend or.

[Avery Hutto]

No, not anymore.

[Dr. Phil]

No is comedy. Did you get into it for the gal factor or did you. Are you not trying to focus on that part?

[Avery Hutto]

I do not get girls with my comedy.

[Dr. Phil]

How about at the cowboy boot store?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More.

[Dr. Phil]

More girls.

[Avery Hutto]

Some Latina baddies.

[Dr. Phil]

Some Latina baddies. What do they say to you?

[Avery Hutto]

Hola.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

What do you say hola.

[Pedro Franco]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Pretty hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The rest is history.

[Preacher Lawson]

That's how it goes.

[Avery Hutto]

That's how it goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What do you do for fun, Avery?

[Avery Hutto]

I like to read and write. That's Big Book Guy. I like to hang out at the library with the homeless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds suspiciously like what a guy that can't read would say.

[Avery Hutto]

The words are good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What else? What about the Wild side of Avery?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah.

[Avery Hutto]

So I've had problems with cocaine my whole life. I grew up in Detroit, and I may have been a wayward child smoking crack on the east side.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, wow.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. God damn. Detroit got white crackheads. What the. Wow, that's crazy. That city's falling apart. You didn't do meth or anything? Just straight to crack.

[Avery Hutto]

Just straight to crack. They don't call it crack, so it sounds like more fun. They're like, hey, you want some, girl? And you're like, oh, we're having a party.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They call it girl.

[Brett O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Avery Hutto]

Boy and girl. Crack and heroin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That is amazing. I can't believe you're on such hard stuff. You look like you would have, like, play a game boy or something like that.

[Avery Hutto]

The stress, because I was so stress free from all the drugs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The best place to stay off of cocaine at. When's the last time you did some?

[Avery Hutto]

So it's been. I've been in and out, but it's been a couple months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. The last time you did it, where was that? How does that happen? How do you give in to temptation?

[Avery Hutto]

Oh, I don't like to do cocaine with other people. I don't think that's fun. I like to. I get it. And then I go back to my house, and then I do lines, and then I just write for hours and read books. I'm a crazy person.

[Dr. Phil]

Like suicide notes or. What do you write?

[Avery Hutto]

Just journal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this stuff that you write, do you ever read it back?

[Avery Hutto]

It's not bad.

[Dr. Phil]

Do you got any? I don't have any on me.

[Avery Hutto]

I. I can bring it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If Bill did a line of blow right now, I would absolutely lose my mind.

[Dr. Phil]

I mean, I've never done it. I was just kidding, but I think that. I think that there's. What are you doing to your pants?

[Avery Hutto]

I'm just readjusting.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay. Thought you were gonna pull a coke out of your cop or something. Avery. What. What. What do you write? What is. Like the. Like you said, you write when you're. Do you ever do something stupid on coke?

[Avery Hutto]

I mean, I got into a relationship and you think you love the other person, but really you love the cocaine.

[Dr. Phil]

Right? Did she do it too?

[Avery Hutto]

Yes.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay, so you guys were just a match made in. What the fuck? Yeah. Did you guys have sex on coke?

[Avery Hutto]

We did. We would write love letters to each other on cocaine and then we would have sex.

[Dr. Phil]

Was the sex weird or was it great?

[Avery Hutto]

It was really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never heard anyone make coke. Coke sound gayer. Nothing better than ripping a fat line and riding a love letter.

[Dr. Phil]

The dude, it feels good. Dude.

[Avery Hutto]

If you feel drugs are bad because you get sad and lonely, but if you're filled with love on drugs, you're like, everything's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Listen how lonely those women are over there.

[Cam Patterson]

A

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wow.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. You're not wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Alex, fun times. You made your Kill Tony debut. Here's a joke book. There you go, dude. To keep it moving along. All right.

[Dr. Phil]

Bet it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for your next bucket pole. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Angela K. Angela K, everyone. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? The lovely Heidi follower at Gina with three A's. Hg and how about one more time for Angela K, everyone?

[Angela K]

So I had a colonoscopy recently and, you know, there's really not a whole lot that's pleasant about being molested by a wall, you know? And what's even worse than that is, like, the whole process to get ready for it. Like, you gotta fast with a liquid diet for 24 hours and drink a whole gallon of this crap that I can only describe as Satan's jizz. Like, holy Jesus balls, Batman. That stuff is so bad that they even tell you to mix it with like some sweet tea or some crystalite or something. So I did. I mixed it with some crystal a lot. You know what it tasted like? Tasted like Satan just inside some raspberry lemonade. On a positive note, though, I did like that sleepy time cocktail that they gave me that will make you not give a man like it is. I didn't even care when I woke up in the middle of the procedure, man, Like, I saw them messing with this nasty, fat, nasty, juicy palpitation up. And I was like, ooh, that's gross. And then I woke up. It was the next day, but now I get to have surgery. It's awesome. Like, they're gonna turn my colon into a semicolon. Okay, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Angela K. Okay, Angela K. Finally, a bucket pool. That wasn't good all night. It took us to get there. Incredible. Everything's right back on schedule again. It's been eight I was getting distraught at how good they were. Yeah. Thank God you bombed. That is amazing.

[Dr. Phil]

Angela, how did you feel that went?

[Angela K]

I had fun with it. I feel like I just got roasted by Elf on a Shelf, but there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I wore a red vest tonight, everybody. Indeed. You got me.

[Angela K]

I love you, Tony. You're awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Thank you so much. That was one shitty colonoscopy set.

[Angela K]

Thank you. It was a shitty time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go, guys. That's the joke I just made. How long you been doing stand up?

[Sherry Vaseji]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Angela K]

Just here and there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not like, what do you do for work? What convenience store are you a cashier at?

[Angela K]

I shop for Instacart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I was very close.

[Christian Alexander]

Yeah.

[Angela K]

Very close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Angela K]

Customer service. I'm all about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Do they. What sort of weird deliveries have you made? Like, you know, someone shows up and maybe it's Hans Kim, and he's like, hey, where's my. Where's my condom? Or I don't know what is. What does Hans order?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably rice. Yep.

[Dr. Phil]

So, thanks, Red Man. If. If someone comes to the door and they're being, I guess, inappropriate, how do you handle that?

[Angela K]

Well, I actually haven't had that happen. I like to just, like, throw their on the door and leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Take a picture.

[Sherry Vaseji]

Bye.

[Angela K]

See you later.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you something. All that talk about colonoscopies, probably kill at a hospice type of setup.

[Angela K]

Probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's wrong with your.

[Angela K]

So. Well, you heard of the contaminated water at Camp Leune?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Angela K]

Yeah. Well, I lived there when I was a baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. So you have Instacart and Insta Shart?

[Angela K]

Yeah, something like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, thank you so much. Fantastic. So what's going on with your butt? You got an old leaky bum bum now?

[Angela K]

No, there's a. There's a polyp in my sequum that they can't get with the. The little things in your cecum?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Oh, it's called a sequum.

[Angela K]

Yeah, there's a. There's. You gotta seek them, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's it at?

[Angela K]

Over on the right side. Like, right by where the small intestines be. The large intestines.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. It's interesting name for something like that. It's called the cecum. I'm going to have to seek it out. Okay, seek them jokes. Can you just leave the pull up? Like, do you have to do anything with it?

[Dr. Phil]

Good question. Red band.

[Angela K]

Wait, do I what? Say that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean. I mean, since it's just a pull up, do you have to get it removed or can you just keep it?

[Angela K]

I mean, no, because if I keep it, it'll turn to cancer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, so they got to pull up on your polyp.

[Angela K]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And what are they going to do? They're going to suck it out, Cut it out. These people are all. Have to go vomit right now. A line of people going to vomit.

[Dr. Phil]

A little polyp talk. What's wrong with you?

[Angela K]

No, they're going to. They're just. They're going to cut it out, and then I got to, like, sit around for Camp Leun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We always hear about this, right, in infomercials. Oh, there's some fake fans. Yeah, tell us. Tell us about it. What was it? There's contaminated water.

[Angela K]

Yeah, contaminated water. Like the. From, like, a dry cleaner. And then the marines were, like, putting their weapons cleaners in the ground water and all that. Fun. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're very proud. Again, a huge fan of Camp Lejeune and ruining people's.

[Angela K]

Yeah, people's. People's kidneys. All that fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about the people's elbow?

[Christian Alexander]

I mean,

[Angela K]

I couldn't answer that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Finishing maneuver from the Rock. Another thing that happened at this past WrestleMania, all within 10 minutes of John Cena and the undertaker coming out. It's absolutely incredible. Back to the insides of your dark. So when are you planning on having this procedure done?

[Angela K]

Well, I have the consult next Monday,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

so we have a special surprise for you. We had the first wedding here. Here on Kil. Toni. We're about to have the first. Okay, doctor, I got some gloves.

[Dr. Phil]

Done it before. I'll do it again. Now, is there. Are you nervous to. To get the procedure? Do you like going under like that, or is that because they put you on good drugs? Right.

[Angela K]

Well, I mean, yeah, the drugs are fun, but I. Yeah, I'm not. I'm. I'm ready to get it over with.

[Dr. Phil]

Good.

[Angela K]

You know, writing jokes about it is actually helping.

[Brett O'Brien]

Well, good.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, you got to turn something like that for your benefit. Are you going to put on some jams? They let you have music they put their fist inside or what? What do they put inside you to grab it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good jokes.

[Dr. Phil]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dark side of the moon, perhaps. Shitty jokes. Baby, come back. Okay, I'm bombing now. This is great. Is Camp Leun contagious? This is a airborne disease.

[Dr. Phil]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have a little joke book. But you know what? I'm gonna be honest with you, Angela. Bonsai made extra tiny joke books. Can you catch this?

[Avery Hutto]

Maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. We're gonna keep it moving. There goes Angela K. Ladies and gentlemen, an action packed episode this has been. There's only one way to put a ribbon on something like this, ladies and gentlemen. Some people call them the Memphis Strap Wrangler. Some people call him the Yankee from Yabuki. Some people call him the Grand Rapids Wrangler. The Big Red Machine, the Vanilla Gorilla. This is indeed lights out William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Hillary Clinton said that if Trump wins the election, he'll start killing his enemies, which is honestly a little ironic, because if there's one thing that bitch knows about, it's killing your enemies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck.

[William Montgomery]

I don't know if y' all have been following the Trump trial up in New York, but Trump's case went up in flames last week. Wait, no, it wasn't Trump's case, but the dumbass protester who set himself on fire in front of the courthouse. But seriously, that gallon of gas cost the guy eight and a half dollars. So if he would have just waited until Trump got reelected, he could have burned himself up for half that much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's my time. Thank you. Huge to close. All four people at the table clapping with their hands up at the same time. Almost seems like this next election's a no brainer. William, an unbelievable set. You did it yet again. How do you feel?

[William Montgomery]

I feel pretty good. Other than finding out I got to go to the dermatologist again. I have skin cancer again, right on my nose.

[Brett O'Brien]

So.

[William Montgomery]

Tony, I'm really not in a very good spot right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness. Is the, is it in your cecum?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's in my cecum. It's right. No, it's behind my cecum. The doctor said, let me see your cecum, and I let him see the cecum and it's behind there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you guys play hide and go see come? Uh huh. Oh, oh. A good seacum joke. Five minutes after I needed it. Either a secum. Okay, Billy boy, you have skin cancer.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I have it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have it again? Where's it at?

[William Montgomery]

It's right on my nose. It's on the left side of my nostril.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you point to it?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's kind of hard to see,

[Dr. Phil]

but can you, can you pick it off or.

[William Montgomery]

No, it starts to bleed. I accidentally scratched it last night and started bleeding. So yeah, it's real downer when I'm looking out of the window. I've have just all these people. I honestly have been looking. A lot of people moving out, coming in. It's a lot of people to watch. The, the, the gate, the front Gate hasn't been working for like two weeks, so it's been a free for all. For all these freaks coming in, stealing from the trash can. And yeah, it's sad. I mean, when I can't be looking out because I'm dealing with blood coming out of my nose, it's sad. I mean, that's what I live for. Akash.

[Dr. Phil]

Skin cancer is one of the rougher ones to get sympathy for too, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah. Do you agree? You fucking idiot?

[Avery Hutto]

It.

[William Montgomery]

Who are you with your daughter tonight? Who is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow, William. So much going on. We shocked the world on Friday night. Took you back to your home state of Tennessee to perform at literally the greatest venue on planet Earth. The Ryman Auditorium, AKA the Grand Ole Opry, AKA the Mother Church.

[Dr. Phil]

And

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

how did it make you feel up there?

[William Montgomery]

Do what?

[Dr. Phil]

It was wonderful.

[William Montgomery]

It was a wonderful feeling being able to go back to Tennessee, where sadly, my best friend Swoo died. He was from Nashville. It was a. It was sad. I revisited his house that I went to that he found his body in. He died on the couch. Yeah, it was really bad. You can't mix cocaine and Xanax. But, yeah, I went back to the house, went back to the scene. It was really hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I was very special. Sad interview with William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cancer. My. Oh. Performing at the best venue in the world. Yes. My friend died miles from there. It's kind of incredible. You could have said anything in the world just then. Partying with Jelly Roll, the Black Keys, Wynonna Judd. But you're still thinking about Swoon, it seems.

[Christian Alexander]

Swoo.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Also Hans Kim, he threw me a. A vape with on it. So that was horrible. He was like, no, there's on it. Drop it. I was like, what'd you just do, you idiot?

[Casey Rocket]

And.

[William Montgomery]

And had to go wash my hands. It was doo doo all over my right hand. So I'm going to get Hans back for that. I don't know why he did that.

[Dr. Phil]

What are you going to do?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. I might fucking break into his place. I know where he lives and just wait in his closet. He has a gun that I know I could get from his fucking ass. So we'll see.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I guess we will. Shit, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, we'll see. I'm not in the mood for it tonight, Dr. Phil. I'm in a real nasty mood tonight.

[Dr. Phil]

I could tell.

[William Montgomery]

Real nasty tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. He's fired up.

[William Montgomery]

I swear to God, I wish I was feeling better, but I got Cancer again. I feel real nasty tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

SW Is dead. You know what, William?

[William Montgomery]

He's never coming back.

[Dr. Phil]

William, you seen the new Barbie movie?

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[William Montgomery]

I saw the Civil War movie, and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thought it was about the 1800s. It was not about that. What was it about?

[William Montgomery]

War photographers. I thought it was going to be like the fucking Civil War, but wasn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a big fan, obviously of the Confederacy. So, William, you know, let's keep this moving. William. It was an unbelievable set, but it seems like the interview portion this evening's a little bit serious, a little bit dramatic. So you know what maybe we should do? I think maybe you should have a seat at the table and maybe we put a ribbon on this episode with a brand new minute from. I don't know, maybe, just maybe, the 2023 guest of the year. And a guy. And a guy. I don't know. I don't want to make any bold predictions, but I was would say off of this episode alone, a guy who appears to be the front runner for 2024 guest of the year. Why don't we pull a little switcheroo? Joining the panel, William Montgomery. And closing out the show, this is Dr. Phil.

[Dr. Phil]

One more time for William Montgomery, everybody. Here he is right here. William Montgomery, dressed like a guy who works at a bowling alley, but it's also going to kill himself on his last day of work. Wrote a couple jokes down here. A couple about William. I said, william looks like. William looks like you have sex with girls and then you give them fleas. Thought that was funny. Said probably say that again to myself later. William lies a lot, mostly on cardboard boxes at bus stops. So put that one in the keeper kink. Let's see. Tony. Tony Hinchcliffe. Tony. How can we call this kill? Tony, you look like you're like you died two weeks ago.

[Christian Alexander]

All right.

[Dr. Phil]

Sounded better in my head on the drive over. Tony, you look. Look like the second coolest kid in homeschool. Pretty good. Yeah. This guy liked it. I like that guy for liking it. Tony, you look like the kid on the milk carton who went missing, then got found, then got molested. So in that. In that order. So check the game tape if you're a psychopath. Brian Redband's here. Or as I like to call him, Judd Appetizer. Let's see. Brian. And Brian's my favorite guy. Brian, you look like you smell like deli meats. What's going on, player? No, Brian's one of my favorite people. Brian, you were my favorite character in Men in Black. Did you ever get that sugar water to. All right, we'll leave it there. There's more to it, but I'll. I'll send you a link. Congrats on the engagement. By the way, Brian, you look exactly like a guy who would be engaged to an Asian. No, you're. You're the sweetest. And I'm happy for you both. Brian, you're like a cuddly teddy bear. That bear had a sex doll. What else we got? Cam Cam Patterson was here. Give it up for Cam Patterson, everybody. Cam Cam is short for camp counselor. Who touches the kids.

[Christian Alexander]

All right.

[Dr. Phil]

Casey Rockett. Casey boy. One more time for Casey Rocket. Now that guy is just kill. Tony has really given him a platform to be him himself, and now he's going to take his talents to the Garden and. And just cause a scene. Casey, Casey, you look like you're doing a walkathon for schizophrenia. Case. You look like you name a flavor for your boogers before you eat them. Yeah, I like that one. I like that one a lot. Casey, you look like a model train conductor. I don't know. Casey's got more lithium than a Tesla battery. And then I just wrote Hans Kim at the end here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So that's it.

[Dr. Phil]

That's my time, everybody. Thank you so much, Dr. Phil. I love you guys. You guys are an amazing crowd. Or not. Kill Tony. Best show in the world. I love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Akash sings the new special Gas Lid. And Akash sing comedy on YouTube. Thank you. To connect mobile health, the IB drips, talk space, Squarespace, Gel Blaster, Red Rose, Yellow Rose Hall, Law Firm Ninja Buses. The drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in and it is incredible. Let's see the drawing from Chris Rogers. Whoa. A brand new William Montgomery. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Follow these guys. Watch them lives. Do everything. Follow them. Have fun. This week in Austin, Texas. Those of you visiting, make sure you catch the stream of Los Angeles Live, the forum, and the YouTube Theater. A lot of crazy stuff happening there. You're not gonna believe it. You're not going to want to wait for it to come out on YouTube. So just buy, buy it. Support the show. It's a huge production. We got the director from the UFC doing it. A very, very expensive, high level production. We're going all out for these shows. The Madison Square Garden in the Forum, trying to go to another level with this crazy show, which sounds crazy, but I don't know, I believe in it. A lot of special stuff happening. Another shout out to Jason Ellis the Jason Ellis stuff.com Hawk vs Wolf Akasha special Gaslit out. Now Akash sing comedy and Preacher Lawson's new special My name is Preacher at Preacher Lawson on YouTube. Red band I'll be in San Diego with Casey Rocket in July. Go to American Comedy co.com Love you guys. So much stuff happening. Go to killmerch.com I designed the new NASA hoodie, which I love and I already have two of and a lot of other really cool [e-mail] kill tony live.com for the live streams. One more time for Akash singing Dr. Phil. We love you guys. Thank you. Good night everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Sam.