
Dr Phil (Adam Ray), Akaash Singh, Jason Ellis, Preacher Lawson, William Montgomery, Casey Rocket, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Kino Loasis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 04/22/2024 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: TALKSPACE: To celebrate May & Mental Health Awareness Month, and the power of talking it out in therapy, Talkspace is offering every listener of Kill Tony $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to https://Talkspace.com/TONY SQUARESPACE: Need to build a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/KILLTONY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! MOOD: Add more relaxation to your summer plans with MOOD! For a limited time only, get 20% off your first order and a FR...
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Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad tv. There you can also find everything Death squad, including ShopSquad TV for merchandise and the Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas. Links to that are at Death Squad TV. Tony has his own website, tonyhinchcliffe.com he's on tour. He's everywhere. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com Kill Tony has merch. Killtonymerch.com and don't forget, if you missed the Kia forum or the YouTube theater shows, you can watch the replay. Get your tickets atkilltonylive.com and now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Big coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yeah. You did it. You made it. You did it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by Talk Space and Squarespace. Speaking of space, the great red bands here, ladies and gentlemen. Taking up so much. Taking up space. How exciting. How about a hand for the best goddamn band in the land, huh? Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Eli Menendez. This is a sounds like a migrant bus. Matt Muling on the Elect and the great and powerful D Madness on the bass guitar. You guys are here on a really special night. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you, Sam. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? Well, well, well. You know, one of the things that I love about this show, and I always say this, not always, but sometimes I do a little brag slash proud moment, which is like, you know, I. I think we were one of the first ones to really shove Tim Dillon in front of everybody and shove Shane Gillis in front of everybody and really like proudly feature these guys before the whole world knew about them. We're doing it again. Another great top young rising comedian in the world with a brand new special out called Gaslit. And also joining him, he is indeed the reigning, defending, undisputed, undefeated 2023 guest of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Akash singing Doctor. He is Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. He goes by Dr. Phil. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's back in the flesh for the first time since New Year's Eve.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, baby. We're back. Feeling good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dr. Phil starting his own network, running a media empire. A lot going on. We've missed you since New Year's Eve. What's going on?
Dr. Phil
Well, Heath Quarters gave me HPV a couple weeks ago just by hugging him, so. Guess we'll figure that out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was a magical, magical two nights in an arena. You got guest of the year awarded by another imposter, Dr. Phil, who sent in a video gifting you guest of the year. That was weird.
Dr. Phil
It's a great time. I haven't been that fired up since Cool Runnings came out on dvd. Raise your hand if you've seen Cool Runnings. Raise your hand if you've never seen a black person.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Deep head. Somebody needs you.
Dr. Phil
There it is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The way D Madness raises his hand is very suspicious, by the way. I don't know if you guys notice that. You might need a little coaching on that D. Yeah.
Dr. Phil
You got any sound effects for the Weird Salute Red Band?
Pedro Franco
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
You don't have to, by the way. No.
Preacher Lawson
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. He does not. Akash Singh has a brand new special on YouTube. Gaslit Akash Singh comedy on YouTube. The one hour special special. Akash and I have been doing stand up together for 17 years. We used to. And Adam. We used to all do coffee shops. Juicy places or smoothie places. Not juicy places. Juicy. We used to do juicy places too.
Dr. Phil
Sleeping A Juicy Couture.
Cam Patterson
Hell yeah.
Dr. Phil
Store. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We basically have done all of the worst gigs you can imagine. And here we are now sold out MSG twice. Give it up for this man right here. Yeah.
Casey Rocket
Let's go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. One of the kings of New York landed there. There. 9, 11, 20, 2001. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. You guys have both done the show multiple times. I have another special announcement tonight. 259 people. 259. It could be a record. I'm not exactly sure. I don't think we've ever actually kept count, but 2, 5, 9. It crowded in a bar across the street right now, hoping that one of the young buck producers runs over there and yells their name. Then they get held backstage until it is their time. I'm gonna pre pull a name now. A very lucky name. And while they are wrangling that person, we will get the show started. You know how it works. They get 60 seconds their time Is up. And you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to fucking. How do you fuck this up? How? Why are you hitting other buttons before that fucking thing? Dude, it's unbelievable. God. You have the easiest job on planet Earth. It's a fucking. The kitten button. The same soundboard that you've been hitting for 11 fucking years. At 60 seconds, you hear the sound of a kitten. Wow, impressive. That means you have to wrap it up then. Or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There it is. And then I interview them and we find out more about them.
Dr. Phil
And I'm excited.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tony, Dr. Phil, the guest of the year 2023 is here.
Dr. Phil
Well, hey, you guys made it easy. You're the best comedy fans in the world. I'll just say that much right now. And you know what it is. Okay. Were you excited? What are you smoking right now, player? Just tooting on a cigar. Just chewing on a cigar. Aren't you supposed to smoke it? They won't let you. Well, not with that attitude. Yeah, you got to believe in yourself.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ladies and gentlemen, getting tonight's show started with a brand new minute. One of our new regulars on the show, an absolute phenom. He's in tight quarters on this show, but if you ever see this guy on a big stage doing stand up, it is a sight to see. But this right now is a brand new minute from our very own Casey Rocket.
Casey Rocket
Hell, yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, very good. Sorry I'm late, guys. Police caught me playing rollercoaster tycoon again. Fucked up part is I don't have a computer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right.
Casey Rocket
Six people died. All right. Hell yeah. Very cool. Sorry to the victims.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right.
Casey Rocket
We're doing good. Hell, yeah. God, it's been a tough week. I'm such a little brat. My parents tried to send me to adult military school recently, so. AKA the coast guard. All right. This is a navy crowd. All right. Hell, yeah. Love that.
Dr. Phil
God.
Casey Rocket
Okay, cool. Got myself on that one.
Cam Patterson
I.
Casey Rocket
God, I had a lot of crazy friends growing up. My best friend, his name was Mark McKinney, and he used to take a bunch of Adderall and play Red Dead Redemption. And he would just skin horses for like nine hours, and I would just watch him save the pelts. Big boy and. All right, I'll leave it there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you. I'm Casey Rocket. All right. The wild world of Casey Rocket has graced us yet again. Casey, another brand new minute. You look fantastic tonight. This is a new look for you.
Casey Rocket
Just trying to dress up. Thank you, guys. So much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
An absolutely adorable bundle of charisma. You are the ultra likable Casey Rocket. Dr. Phil. You ever seen anything quite like a Casey Rocket?
Dr. Phil
No, this is my first time seeing it live. You're dressed like Fozzie Bear's agent, but I love your. But your energy is palpable.
Brett O'Brien
I don't know.
Dr. Phil
Are you on anything, or is this just all a zest for life?
Casey Rocket
Zest for life. I was in small claims court for the roller coaster thing.
Dr. Phil
Oh, I don't think anybody in here doesn't believe that. Are you a big roller coaster guy, Casey?
Casey Rocket
I built a whole park and it. Yeah, it collapsed. Trying to save money, I used aluminum.
Dr. Phil
Red band. Redeemed himself.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Red Band Redemption.
Dr. Phil
There we go.
Casey Rocket
Come on, now.
Dr. Phil
Look, I was there. That's what it is.
Casey Rocket
Very good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fantastic. Casey, I noticed you came out with a briefcase tonight.
Casey Rocket
Yeah, well, okay, we talked about it. If you weren't here last week. I've been a receptionist for the law offices of Tarlow and Tarlow for Shout Out. Shout Out. Tarlow and Tarlow. And they were kind enough to represent me during my civil case, so I didn't have anywhere to put this. This is what I brought to court. This is kind of embarrassing. I guess I could show you a couple things that were in it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, that'd be great.
Casey Rocket
Okay. So these are just stuff that was gonna help my case.
Dr. Phil
Perfect. Red band.
Casey Rocket
This is stuff. I was. Small claims court. It was like 5 or 6 million, and so they said, bring some stuff that you think would help with your case. So I brought a shower cap and Blu Ray of Shutter Island.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Casey Rocket
And if you're not much of a reader, paperback of Shutter Island.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Casey Rocket
I got some. Let's see, I got some headshots. These are kind of nice. It's just kind of me looking kind of handsome.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Big boy lacroix. Big boy lacroix. Oh, my goodness.
Casey Rocket
Your Honor, could. Your Honor, you really think I could do something like that? That's what I thought.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That does not look like the face of a man that would build a theme park out of aluminum.
Casey Rocket
That's what I said. You could tell they didn't believe me. A headshot of character actor John Hawks. I don't know if that was going to help. It was kind of like an alternative suspect thing. It's like no one knows where John Hawks was when it happened. They didn't really buy it. There's a bunch of fucking cassettes. This is a heart cassette. Paul Simon.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, is that the soundtrack?
Casey Rocket
Johnny Cash. It's mostly cassettes in here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I think I see the soundtrack to Shutter island in there.
Casey Rocket
That's absolutely right. It's funny you bring that up. Garth Brooks, famed soundtrack to Shutter island. Director's cut.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Casey Rocket
Was. Yeah, I think that was Rodeo was the song they played over the beginning tracks.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Casey Rocket
This is just some stuff that I've been kicking around in court lately, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. Have you thought about taking a gel blaster into the courtroom with you?
Casey Rocket
Gel blaster, you say?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, actually, I have.
Casey Rocket
Gel blaster is actually one of the better things to take into court. Huh. It's funny you bring that up, Joe.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Huh?
Casey Rocket
Let's. Follow me here. May I present to you the RIF attorney, Joe Blaster. This is how I would defend it, ladies and gentlemen of the court.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jell Blaster.
Dr. Phil
Bl.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Aster. Aster. Ari Aster.
Casey Rocket
Hereditary. Hereditary. Terry P. Terry's Burger Erger.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on. Give me time.
Casey Rocket
Damn it. Scary cow. Not cow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cow. Ow.
Casey Rocket
Hurt. Has anyone been hurt by my client here? Very cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have the craziest brain I've ever heard of. You are great at what you do. Thank you. And no one else does that. That is for sure.
Casey Rocket
The Riff attorney.
Dr. Phil
Can you imagine being in a court of law and hearing an attorney? Go, Burger. Burger. You know what I. I mean? Case closed, Your honor. It is Burger Ergo. That's my new screen name on Xbox Live.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. Always putting on a big show. Always with some fun things. I cannot wait to see what you do at the LA Forum. And of course, Madison Square Garden. Two nights coming up.
Dr. Phil
They're not ready.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah. I'm excited about the future with the great Casey Rocket.
Casey Rocket
Thank you, guys. So fun. Hell yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Gentlemen. And so it has begun. Casey showing us what a wild minute looks like these. Those guys have to do it every week. Not easy. Oh, wow, Look. It's the lovely Heidi. Everybody make some noise for Heidi. Everyone, a little something for the incels on YouTube right now. And so we move on to the bucket. You guys know how this works. This is where anything can happen. This is where we find great talent. It's also where we. Where we meet crazy people. Some of them don't prepare. We find out everything we can about them. You guys get it? All right, let's get it started. Your first bucket full of the night. Goes by the name of Brett O', Brien, everybody. Here we go. 60 seconds from Brett O'. Brien.
Brett O'Brien
I was watching that show my 600 pound life, and before the lady got on the scale to weigh herself, she took off her shoes, Like, that's the issue. Your crocs. I'm pretty sure it's your moose heart. Then her dog started chewing on her shoe. She was like, damn it, biscuit. I was gonna eat that. No, actually, I weighed myself after sex the other day, and I was heavier, which I thought was strange. I'm like, there's no way there's half a pound of cum in my ass right now.
Dr. Phil
All right, thank you, guys.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow, a great set. 59 seconds on the dot for Brett O'. Brien. Fantastic. My friend, you've been on this show by before.
Brett O'Brien
Yep, I've been on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Has not gone that well before.
Dr. Phil
Not that well.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Getting better.
Brett O'Brien
Getting better.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long you been on standup now?
Brett O'Brien
Almost five years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Almost five years. And how long have you been in Austin?
Brett O'Brien
Like, almost three.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Where were you doing it before that?
Brett O'Brien
Dallas.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's right. Yeah. There you are. So you're getting better here in Austin. You doing a lot of spots?
Brett O'Brien
Trying to do a lot of spots, grinding, you know, huh?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely. What do you do for a living again?
Brett O'Brien
I'm in software sales.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, ladies.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah, that checks out. Dr. Phil. What do you think about this guy?
Dr. Phil
Well, your name's Brent.
Brett O'Brien
Brett.
Dr. Phil
All right, take it easy. Jesus fucking Christ. Trying to get to know you, Brent. Brett. Brett, Brett. You hit the comedy trifecta topics for me, okay? Fat jokes, chick cum jokes. Got em. Dog joke. You nailed it. It. Which one did you write first? Because you came out swinging. Really funny. Great timing. Misdirection. Did you write. Are you like a come joke guy first or is it like, did you have the come in your butt and then the joke came?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, yeah, I've always.
Dr. Phil
I'm trying to ask.
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, Come has always been at the heart of my act.
Dr. Phil
For real. Do you have a plethora of cum jokes? It's a fun topic.
Brett O'Brien
Not as much as I would like,
Tony Hinchcliffe
but have you ever come inside of a fat dog?
Dr. Phil
Good question, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How about, how's that for a trifecta doctor?
Dr. Phil
Save it for the. Save it for the roast in Los Angeles.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, no, there's no rose. There's no rose in the air right now. If there was one specifically said, don't mention the roast. It's okay. It comes out.
Dr. Phil
He's doing the Dr. Phil roast. Sorry. Surprise. I'm doing a roasted Dr. Phil in LA. Who's gonna go? Raise your hand. I'll give you a free ticket tonight.
Cam Patterson
Can I.
Dr. Phil
Can I plug that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
That would be an honor.
Dr. Phil
Okay, great. I'm doing it. Yeah. Well, you Were already on it. You told me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah. Okay. Improv.
Dr. Phil
Here we go. And here we go. You got a sound effect to save this right now, Red man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, right.
Dr. Phil
Maybe a cat. That's not a cat. There we go. All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So, Brett, when's the last time you were on the show? How long ago was that about.
Brett O'Brien
It was a year ago. With Adam Ray or with. Yeah, Adam Ray. Y.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. And so how's your life changed in the past year? What are some things that you're doing with your life other than. Than standup comedy?
Brett O'Brien
What has changed? Well, I interviewed for a promotion the other day. I bombed the interview.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's not change, dude. Yeah, same shitty life twice.
Dr. Phil
Yeah.
Brett O'Brien
Yeah. We're one failed interview closer, so we're, you know.
Pedro Franco
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Where do you work again?
Brett O'Brien
A software company. That's right.
Dr. Phil
Is there a name of.
Brett O'Brien
It's called Ninja 1. Oh, Ninja 1. Yes.
Dr. Phil
Is it run by an Asian guy?
Brett O'Brien
It's not ran by an Asian guy. We just look up to him a lot.
Dr. Phil
Okay. And what do you do for them that you're trying to get promoted?
Brett O'Brien
I. I do cold calls.
Dr. Phil
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Wow. Can you give us an example of what a cold call from you sounds like?
Brett O'Brien
Sure thing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My phone's ringing. Hello?
Brett O'Brien
Hey, It's Brett with Ninja 1.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jesus. What are you. Why do you sound like you're outside of my window?
Casey Rocket
Right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Scared. Yes. How can I help you? What then? What's a Ninja One? Ninja Wand. What?
Brett O'Brien
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, it's getting scarier.
Brett O'Brien
I'll call you back.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm sorry. I had you on speakerphone the whole time.
Dr. Phil
Can I try? Can I try?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Phil
Can I try one? Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Here you go. It's ringing.
Dr. Phil
What's up, Phil?
Cam Patterson
Hey.
Dr. Phil
Hey, Doc.
Brett O'Brien
It's Brett with Ninja 1.
Dr. Phil
Oh, what's up, Brett? Yeah, you called last night, but I told you to off. What? You still got buckets of cum in your butt. What's going on? Insane. See you, Mitch.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Damn Dr. Phil. Cold as ice. You might have.
Dr. Phil
You might have to put that promotion on hold, playboy.
Brett O'Brien
It's a hot lead for me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So you're trying to get a promotion? What else? What do you do for fun, Brett? You very, very, very dark Dahmer energies to you. You're holding on to that microp strangling a woman.
Brett O'Brien
I frequent rainy at night, you know, looking for.
Dr. Phil
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Brett O'Brien
I'm just kidding.
Cam Patterson
No.
Brett O'Brien
What do I do for fun? I play golf. I go out and drink at bars and the normal stuff.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Drinking normally go for you. You seem like the kind of guy that would close it up.
Brett O'Brien
Close it up? Yeah, I lock the doors.
Dr. Phil
Funny. Funny.
Brett O'Brien
No, it ends with me getting drunk, and usually that's about it. You get home, you think. Damn it, man.
Dr. Phil
You blew it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You blew it. No luck with the ladies? I.
Brett O'Brien
My girlfriend dumped me, like, a month ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What did she say? She dumped you. How did she dump you? Text. In person.
Brett O'Brien
In person.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How did she do that? Did she come to your place? You go to hers?
Brett O'Brien
She came over.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What did she say exactly?
Dr. Phil
Let's replay that phone call. Hand me the phone.
Pedro Franco
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Red van. Hit me with the jingle.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was in person. Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Oh, hey, baby. Why'd you call me? I'm in the living room. Yeah, sorry. What's up? Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait. She broke up with him? So how did he break up with you? Dr. Phil. It really helps.
Brett O'Brien
I'm not great at improv.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Give me my phone back. Burger er.
Dr. Phil
Burger er?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Burger Erger
Tony Hinchcliffe
gives me a lot of material for the upcoming roast of Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil
I can't wait for you to do it. It's a real thing. Stop laughing. Trying to. Brett's trying to pour his heart out. So she broke up with you?
Brett O'Brien
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. She broke up with you? So are you guys sitting in the living room?
Brett O'Brien
No. Front door. Just. Basically. She was on a mission, I imagine.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So you crack the door. What did she say exactly?
Brett O'Brien
I was. I think we were going to just hang out, and she was like. She came over with, like, a lot of my stuff, so I figured, like, that's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long have you two been together before?
Brett O'Brien
Like, two years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. She came over with some stuff. And what did she say exactly?
Brett O'Brien
I need space. I want to be on my own. That type of thing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jesus Christ. Redb.
Brett O'Brien
Something about another guy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Soundboard. Okay. And what did you say? Like, what, this is kind of lady?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, I just said.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why?
Brett O'Brien
What did. I. Was it something I did?
Dr. Phil
You know what I mean?
Brett O'Brien
She was like, no, you know, the. Like, I just want to be by myself because she. I graduated in 21, and she graduated, like two years later, so she's still with her family. And, like, I was trying to. Talking about moving together, and she was like, I don't. Not ready for that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Casey Rocket
What's.
Dr. Phil
What sort of stuff of yours did she bring by? Like, what?
Brett O'Brien
Jackets, shoes, artifacts of clothing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Artifacts?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, clothing, artifacts.
Dr. Phil
Who describes clothes like that?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, I don't know if that's even how you say that. Articles of clothing.
Dr. Phil
Articles.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. That's a whole different one. An artifact of clothing would be your king Tut, mummy, hat like that?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
She brought my old chalice. That's how I knew it was over. Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Have you. Have you followed her on Facebook? Is she, like, seeing anybody? Have you. Have you tried to stalk her? I mean, I know the answer to that, but have you tried?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, she's. She's. She's laying low, keeping under the radar.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You think so?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, I hope so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You don't think she's getting pounded out by another guy right now at this very moment?
Brett O'Brien
I'd hope. I'd like to hope not.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you notice that it made you funnier? There's a thing in comedy where a lot of people say that heartbreak makes comedians funnier. Did you write these, Joe? The 600 pound life joke. How old is that?
Brett O'Brien
Like six months? It's old.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, how about the old full of come?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah, I've been. I've been sitting on those for a minute.
Christian Alexander
They got over his breakup, I think.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Have you written any new jokes since the breakup?
Brett O'Brien
Let me think. Yeah, I think so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Why don't you try one?
Brett O'Brien
I don't understand why. Why people are so afraid to die alone. Because if you're not dying alone, you're dying with, like, a group of people in a mass tragedy. I think I'd much rather die alone.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Brett O'Brien
There's a little more.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you get a little joke book last time you were on the show?
Brett O'Brien
No, I got big joke book and then secret show I've been on. This is my fourth time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right? Yeah. I'd love to have you back on the secret show Thursday.
Brett O'Brien
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. Another door opens. You can catch him at the secret show wearing artifacts of clothing and like that, that. It moves on. We have another bucket pull. Make some noise for Sherry Vaseji. Ladies and gentlemen, Sherry Baseji. Oh, hell yeah.
Sherry Vaseji
Yay. I am originally from Iran.
Cam Patterson
Boo.
Sherry Vaseji
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Stop it. Stop it. There are no terrorist women. Come on. Did you forget two seconds ago, Gillili lili? That means celebrate. You know, just don't do it in the airport.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Sherry Vaseji
You know, this idea of covering yourself up in the Middle east is called hijab, and in Austin, it's called a thong. Yeah, let's keep Austin weird. Yeah. So my pronouns in the Middle east
Tony Hinchcliffe
are
Sherry Vaseji
which translates to shut the fuck up, bitch. There's more.
Dr. Phil
There's more.
Sherry Vaseji
Or I will stone you. I need some rocks. Where is Cam Patterson? Yeah, so, you know, as a. As a Middle Easterner, whether I bomb or I am the bomb, it's a Win, win.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. Sherry the Segi coming in hot. Wow, that was so much better than I expected it to be. When I first saw you walk out, I'm like, oh, this is going to be wacky and weird, but I didn't think it would be fantastic. That was a good set. I love it.
Sherry Vaseji
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The bomb, bomb part at the end. Little bit, you know, a little bit easy for compared to the rest of your set, but it was fantastic. Sherry, how long you been with standby?
Sherry Vaseji
Up this last time since last May. But I used to do standup years ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Akash, how does it feel to have your grandmother up here? I. I swear to God, I felt like my mom was up there. I got so happy. You see me smile? I have one question. When you came out and you said boo to the audience, you screamed at one guy, boo. Did you mean to say Jew?
Christian Alexander
That's what I've been trying to figure out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I think you misspoke. I think you missed a punch.
Sherry Vaseji
I don't think take sides.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You are something else. How long you been in America?
Sherry Vaseji
Since 78. Before you were born.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is true. That is true. How old were you in 78?
Sherry Vaseji
13.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, and where did you guys move to?
Sherry Vaseji
Northern California. I went to high school there, then went to school in Fresno State.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And you've only been doing it for a year?
Sherry Vaseji
I used to do stand up from 97 to 2003 and then it was a little bit too messed up up up here so I needed to step back and kind of clean up.
Dr. Phil
And what do you mean by that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is Dr. Phil. He can help you. Perhaps you've heard of Dr. Phil?
Dr. Phil
Cuz we're all a little messed up upstairs and you know, and I talk about that in my book. We've got issues. We've all. We've all been knocked down and we're trying to get up again. Who said that? Jumba Wumba. You got. Got it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're never going to keep them down.
Dr. Phil
So Sherry, when you're not dressing like a Sesame street character, do you have, do you have hobbies? How do you keep your head clean of negative thoughts?
Sherry Vaseji
I. I meditate. I got therapy.
Jason Ellis
Okay.
Sherry Vaseji
Classes.
Dr. Phil
What kind of classes?
Sherry Vaseji
Spiritual classes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like what?
Sherry Vaseji
Regression, Past life regression and stuff like that. Okay, so it was all in the past life.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You've had some childhood trauma and whatnot? Yeah. Is this all before your move to America?
Sherry Vaseji
Probably when I was in my mom's womb, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. Your mom's womb.
Sherry Vaseji
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Dr. Phil
How long have you been doing stand
Sherry Vaseji
up since last May, Right?
Dr. Phil
You just started.
Sherry Vaseji
Kind of. But I used to do stand up
Tony Hinchcliffe
years ago in Iran.
Sherry Vaseji
No. No.
Dr. Phil
Okay, well, where the did you start? Stand up Sherry?
Sherry Vaseji
In la.
Dr. Phil
In la. Green. Well, you're very funny.
Sherry Vaseji
Thank you.
Dr. Phil
Do you. What, what's your writing process like?
Sherry Vaseji
I talk to myself during the day and then stuff downloads and I write
Tony Hinchcliffe
it because her husband doesn't allow her to read or write. So she has to talk to herself.
Dr. Phil
That was funny.
Sherry Vaseji
Gay granny.
Dr. Phil
That's cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So, so Allah, your material comes from.
Dr. Phil
Wow. Tony, you might, you might get a spot on the Secret show for that joke.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, oh, right on the roof. Oh, wait, we can't any higher because the ceilings are so high. It's high enough for Sherry to fly a Boeing 747 into it.
Pedro Franco
So.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sherry, I love it. Are you married?
Sherry Vaseji
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're single? You're just a Iranian mountain cougar. Just out here. I love it.
Sherry Vaseji
Trying to get to the younger guys. Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Oh yeah. Is that what you like? How young we talking like Heath Cordis or like, or like, you know, Gene Wilder? By the way, I think you stole that jacket from.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is true.
Dr. Phil
I'm, I'm, I'm deflecting. I'm, I'm envious.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm with me.
Dr. Phil
And you'll be in a world of your imagination. Take a look and you'll see Iranian Sherry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Dr. Phil running it into the end zone. 2020, 23, reigning defending guests of the year.
Dr. Phil
I think, I think there's a lot of good stuff coming your way. You're, you're, you know, because it's a nerve wracking thing to come up here. No part of you shaking, you're poised, you grab that mic, you wooed. Everybody was rooting for you right out of the gate. So I don't know, I'm excited to
Tony Hinchcliffe
see where you're do have a natural stage presence. It is incredible. For only a year, it's unbelievable. Have you done other things on a stage before? Performance wise?
Sherry Vaseji
I did a little bit of acting when I was in la, of course. And.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Were you in anything we'd recognize? Perhaps one of the Al Qaeda terrorist videos?
Sherry Vaseji
Maybe the mother of an Al Qaeda terrorist.
Dr. Phil
Okay. You could play that. Yeah. There's movies. There's a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love your style. It is absolutely incredible.
Sherry Vaseji
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So what else do you do for fun? What does a lady like Sherry do?
Sherry Vaseji
I try to walk in the morning. I like to have a boyfriend.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're such a sweet little thing. You'd like to have a boyfriend? Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?
Sherry Vaseji
No, I don't like dating. I guess maybe that's the problem.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So like your last like hangout or hookup? How long ago was that? What was the situation there? You and only.
Sherry Vaseji
It's been a while.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're Akash, gut type.
Sherry Vaseji
Yeah, it's been a while.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It may be brown guys only for
Sherry Vaseji
me to recognize what the junk looks like. Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Oh.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, hell yeah.
Dr. Phil
Well, I'm not going to take my penis out. But, but I think, I think, I think, you know, it's one of those things like riding a bike. I think once you got back, do it, you'd be like, I remember that there were two balls, you know, saggy, saggy. Oh yeah. Now what is your ideal guy? You said younger, but do you need like a physically fit guy? Cuz some girls are into dad bods, right?
Sherry Vaseji
I like tall, skinny, white.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ooh.
Sherry Vaseji
Vegan.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Vegan.
Sherry Vaseji
Vegan, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Vegan. Why is that part of the.
Sherry Vaseji
Because I'm a vegan.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh my goodness.
Sherry Vaseji
I know, I know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You think you're going to find a full grown vegan, Tall, muscular.
Sherry Vaseji
I want someone better than me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You want someone what?
Sherry Vaseji
Better than me. My standards are kind of.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So let me ask you something because you have it all together here, but it seems like you have to do a lot and you know a lot of different things to keep your mental health proper, which is a very common thing amongst funny people. Have you ever. When's the last time you ate meat?
Sherry Vaseji
This last round, about two years ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And did that do anything to your brain? Did you feel better for a second there? Eating what you're supposed to eat as a human being on planet Earth?
Dr. Phil
Boy, somebody listens to Joe Rogan, huh?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Listens. Listens.
Dr. Phil
He's right though. Meat is better. It helps your body. Okay? And I talk about that in chapter 11. Meat helps your body. Body suck a From time to time and see what your. See what your brain comes up with. That's chapter 12 and 13.
Sherry Vaseji
I'm not completely off meat.
Dr. Phil
Oh, so you'll eat some meat?
Sherry Vaseji
When? When I have a boyfriend.
Dr. Phil
Oh, so if a boy. Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, look out.
Dr. Phil
Okay, now that we're here, how do you start? You're in the bedroom. What's your first move? For real? Because there might be a guy out there listening right now. It's like, I need to know if Sherry means business. I need to know if heavy petting is involved, if anal is first base or third base. Where do you like to start, Sherry? Take me through it. We got time.
Sherry Vaseji
A nice dinner.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, I'm already out, so I think that there's. Yeah, you lost me at food. And taking you for that I gotta pay for. No, I'm joking.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, Sherry, we have a guy. We have a guy on the line right now that wants to say something. Perhaps an eligible bachelor. Let's see what he has to say.
Dr. Phil
I love hemp protein.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's one of my favorite proteins for. We sell it on it. We sell hemp protein. How about that guy?
Dr. Phil
He never calls in either. That was special.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's the owner of the club, Joe Rogan, talking about how he loves hemp protein.
Sherry Vaseji
Oh, okay, okay.
Dr. Phil
Not impressed.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My guess is he's not tall enough for Sherry. It's all order.
Dr. Phil
Well, Sherry, I just came out with these Dr. Phil hoodies that you guys can get wherever Dr. Phil hoodies are sold, which is only one spot. They say we'll be right back on the back. And I only. I only give them to people that I connect with. So I want you to put that on and just live your best life. Because. Because, you know, and. And once you find that special someone, you use it to clean up the mess, you know, but. But I like your mojo. And I actually. I'm truly fired up to your comedy career. Goes. Because you're fearless and that's what you need, player.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I always say. I love the different shapes and sizes and ages and the variety of people we get, you know, all types of different artifacts of people that we get up here. And I love, love, love that you signed up for the show and came out with your explosive energy tonight. Thank you. That was fantastic.
Sherry Vaseji
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Here's a big joke, bug. Whoa. Whoa.
Sherry Vaseji
I kick too.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God, Cherry. Making me wish I was a little bit taller. And I love it. How loud can this place get for the great Sherry beside you? Thank you, Sherry. Amazing. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you right now. A very, very special treat.
Cam Patterson
Treat.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Before there were golden ticket winners on this show, you know, it still existed. The show started 11 years ago, and I think it was about, geez, six, seven, eight years ago, we found this guy. Probably closer to seven or eight years ago, we pulled this man out of the bucket. Maybe longer was in the belly room. I remember that very clearly. And he went on. He's been on to great success. Sells out thieves, leaders all around the world. He was originally just literally one of the best bucket pools ever from way back in the day. I told him, you're gonna be a star. Nothing can stop you. And he's nice enough to grace us with a brand new minute for the first time in absolute many years, ladies and gentlemen, you know him from America's Got Talent and so many other great things. Make some noise for the great Preacher Lawson.
Preacher Lawson
All right, all right, all right, all right. Thank you. Thank you. I think that women avoid eye contact with dudes because if they look at us for, like, two seconds, we just assume they like us. You have one second, and you gotta get out of there. Ladies, one, one thousand. Go save yourself. Cause in a man's brain, we, like, 1, 1000, 2. You're like a dream come true. That's what we think. You gotta go. It's so funny. If a woman looks at a man for two seconds, we like, oh, she want it. But if a man looks at another man for two seconds, we like, you trying to fight, bro. Who you looking at for two seconds? Unless they're gay. But you know if they're gay or not because their chin is down, right? You can tell that's the giveaway right there. Same rules apply. One, one thousand.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Whoa.
Casey Rocket
Hey.
Preacher Lawson
Whoa.
Dr. Phil
Whoa.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Preacher Lawson
I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I don't even know why I told y' all that, but I haven't had one. I haven't had a gay roommate. One time. He didn't say it was gay, but I seen him on Grindr. I was like, you gay? Man, what you doing out here, man? What you doing? That's the last time we playing Twister. My name's pretty lost.
Cam Patterson
God damn.
Pedro Franco
Yeah.
Cam Patterson
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn. Oh. Legend of the game.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My man, the great Preacher Lawson with a new one hour special. My name is Preacher. Out on YouTube right now. YouTube. Preacher Lawson. It is so cool to have you back, man.
Preacher Lawson
Thanks for having me. This is awesome, man. I appreciate it, man. This is awesome.
Dr. Phil
You're gangster, baby.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
So funny.
Preacher Lawson
It's crazy, man. After shows, people like, you got to go on Kill Tony.
Cam Patterson
I was like, I was on there, like, four times. Why would I go back on.
Preacher Lawson
I didn't know y' all were doing stadiums.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long ago? How was your debut on Kill Tony?
Preacher Lawson
Oh, man, 2016. 2016. So about eight years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yep. Amazing.
Preacher Lawson
That's crazy.
Casey Rocket
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I remember it like it was yesterday. You were by far one of the best bucket pools we ever had at the time. And I remember just going, you're going to be a star. This is it. And then you went, you fucking did it. It was incredible.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah, man. I appreciate It. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was awesome.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You just have that natural touch. Back then, we had no male record regulars. It was a thing that we. Because there was no females that were signing up back then, so we made all the women regulars. And so it wasn't even an option to have a male regular at the time or a golden ticket winner. We didn't have that built into the format of the show yet. We were lucky to have, you know, funny 250, some people signing up, but back then it was maybe 20, 30 max at times. But we found you and you went on to fulfill the prophecy. What else is going on in life, Preacher?
Preacher Lawson
I don't know, man. I'm just touring right now. Now I'm just touring and auditioning, man, doing this, you know, LA thing, man. You know, the place you love, you know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah, I do. I do love la. I could never live there again. But it's fun to visit and it means, you know, a lot of sentimental value to me. I left a lot of artifacts there and, yeah, I'm pumped about life. How's Texas been treating you, Preacher?
Preacher Lawson
I was on a bird yesterday. Someone threw water on me when I was. Yeah, that was weird. Weird. I think they thought it was funny,
Tony Hinchcliffe
like, out of a cop.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah, I was just. I was on a bird and I was like, you know, this is going to be cheaper than an Uber. And then someone was like, what about water? And they just threw it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn.
Dr. Phil
Well, I was trying to get your attention and you wouldn't turn around. I said, preacher, I remember you from the Comedy Store. And you said, you old man. And I was like, well, here comes the water. Hope you're not a gremlin.
Preacher Lawson
That's exactly what I said.
Dr. Phil
Now, Preacher, offer, offer. Go ahead.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A cup of water. It's crazy to think how far we've come from the fire hoses back in the day.
Preacher Lawson
Oh, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dr. Phil, go ahead. I.
Dr. Phil
That's all you, Tony. I'm good right here. Yep. Anyways. With a Z. Preacher, I first saw you at the Comedy Store and I was like, this guy's funny. He's likable, and he's pushing the envelope. And then you did a backflip. When did. How are you always. Have you always been so flexed? I don't know what I'm trying. I'm turned on. What are you. When did you get.
Brett O'Brien
I've been.
Preacher Lawson
I've been black my whole life.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I was going to say. Thank you. I was going to say that was crazy. Yeah. Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Trying to Distance himself from my racist fire hose joke. Go straight in it. Now can you explain to us how you do a back flip? How is it humanly possible that someone with your skin color can go around hipping and hopping around down?
Dr. Phil
You're going to make my mustache fall out, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That was more racist than the fire hose thing.
Dr. Phil
It was, it was.
Tony Hinchcliffe
But people are able to jump so high. We'll be right back.
Dr. Phil
I mean that. We could just end the show, can't we? I'm like, I think, yo, but for real. When did you know you could jump that high?
Tony Hinchcliffe
When did.
Dr. Phil
No, but. But for real, because you know, I'm not athletic, so I. I'm just. Oh, I'm jealous, you know, like. Like when to even.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Can you teach me how to shoot a basketball?
Dr. Phil
You're putting words in my mouth, Tony. Okay, I'll put something in your mouth and you know what it is.
Preacher Lawson
Oh, man.
Dr. Phil
Okay, well, let's. Let's change topics then. You're special. What's it called again?
Preacher Lawson
It's called. My name is Preacher.
Dr. Phil
That's right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you forget that?
Dr. Phil
What's that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
The easiest dimensional name to remember. My name is Preacher.
Dr. Phil
I want to know why you named it that. Why you called your special. My name is Preacher.
Preacher Lawson
I. I named it my. Well, first off, it's my name.
Dr. Phil
Right, I know that.
Preacher Lawson
And then. And yeah, I just think that that's what it encapsules my name.
Dr. Phil
But is there a joke. Yeah, I do a joke about it.
Preacher Lawson
I do a joke about my name being Preacher.
Dr. Phil
Right?
Preacher Lawson
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So it's great branding thing.
Dr. Phil
It is great. Well, it's a tough thing to title something like that. Like for we've got issues. I just go. I said, well, what are we all trying to overcome? Issues. And who's trying to overcome them? We are. Right. So maybe you guys can stop ganging up on me and just answer a simple question, you high flying black guy. Now, am I the hidden camera show. I'm about to bring out Chariot and in front of everybody, if you don't start. If you don't start shaping up and shipping out. I'm sorry, Preacher.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
You know I love you and I'm just trying to, you know, I wanted you to, you know, share the love of your specialty.
Preacher Lawson
I didn't know that was the actual Dr. Phil book, man. Real now. Is he sponsoring you? What is this, man?
Dr. Phil
Yeah, I had it made especially for this bit. No, this is a. It's a real book. Pretty sure that I. That I wrote. So let's stick to the script player.
Preacher Lawson
That's awesome, man.
Dr. Phil
Wait, but how long you been doing stand up again?
Preacher Lawson
15 years.
Dr. Phil
15 years. It feels like. Yeah. Is there a time when it gets easier or is it just the grind of it always pretty consistent?
Preacher Lawson
I feel like everything's always hard, you know, I feel if it's too easy, I think I'm getting lazy.
Dr. Phil
Right.
Preacher Lawson
You know what I mean? So, I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Completely agree. I think a comedian is always in competition with themselves to get better and, you know, to try to impress an audience in a city that maybe saw you a year ago or a year and a half or whatever it is before you go back. It's like, that's the thing. Yeah.
Preacher Lawson
Because if you do the same jokes, they're not coming back.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's true. That's true. And you know, you're fucking killing it. You're amazing. It's such a special treat to have good.
Dr. Phil
I love you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The point is, for those of you that have been watching Kill Tony forever, it's the return of Preacher Lawson. And for those of you that don't know, go watch the one hour special. My name is Preacher. Out now on YouTube, the man, the myth, the legend, Preacher Lawson.
Dr. Phil
So funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And we keep moving along. Back to the bucket we go. It's been a good bucket tonight so far. Let's see what happens here. A new minute from Pedro Franco. Pedro Franco, ladies and gentlemen. All right.
Pedro Franco
I'm Brazilian, man. I love America. I really.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I really do.
Pedro Franco
I think it's a great place. The thing I don't like, I get called Mexican all the time. I'd be the tallest Mexican in the world, dude. I mean, dude, I got called Mexican by a cop. I was like, officer, how many Mexicans do you know that can see over the wall? Are you serious? It's no sense to me, dude, trying
Dr. Phil
to be a better person.
Pedro Franco
I am. I quit porn. I think that was huge for me because, I mean, porn is just sad, dude. You know, everything about porn is sad. Even the fucking ads are sad. Click on a porn video, the ad comes on. Are you horny and alone?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Pedro Franco
Why are you attacking me? I'm using your website. It's the only business that does that. Like, imagine went to McDonald's like, oh, you want to make chicken, you fat fuck? It's like,
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't get it.
Pedro Franco
All I'm saying is we're using their website, you know, they should be hyping us up. Click on the videos like, you ready to jerk off again, like a winner?
Tony Hinchcliffe
As a matter of fact I am.
Casey Rocket
Thank you.
Pedro Franco
Appreciate it. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, all right, all right. Amazing. What a fantastic minute. Pedro Franco, welcome to the show.
Dr. Phil
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is your first time on the show, correct?
Pedro Franco
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
First time I could remember you. You have a. You have a whole thing too.
Pedro Franco
Yeah, yeah, the couple weeks ago. Right, Two weeks, I think. Shane was drinking and I ran into him in the street. Remember that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, you don't know that. Why do people bring up random things?
Pedro Franco
I thought that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I was hanging out with a friend of mine.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on, just stop.
Avery Hutto
Sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're saying that you ran into me and Shane on the street?
Pedro Franco
Yeah, it was super random.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. No, it's not random. Sometimes we walk on the street. How would I remember you from the street? Did you say you did comedy or something?
Pedro Franco
No, he was like. He was going to drink and then me and my friend went with him because we were hanging out with hun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's what we're always doing. Yeah, okay, let's just stop.
Pedro Franco
That's what you meant. I'm sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, I was just saying welcome to the show.
Pedro Franco
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long you been doing stand up comedy?
Pedro Franco
Six months.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Six months.
Dr. Phil
Funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All of it here in Austin?
Pedro Franco
Yeah, pretty much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. You know, it's. It's funny because. Cuz I always thought those ads before porn were like crazy, but I never really had an angle on it. It's one of the first times in forever where I can honestly say I'm kind of jealous of that bit. Like that's like kind of amazing. It's right there on the surface. But yeah, what the fuck? Those ads are crazy. We're blatantly horny and alone.
Pedro Franco
They don't gotta like highlight that, you know. That's the whole thing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're fucking with us. Are you overwhelmed with pussy? Like. No, I'm about to jerk off. It's pretty blatant. It's a great take though. That's what I'm saying is you have a very natural, you know, it's right here on the surface.
Dr. Phil
Brazilian porn is one of my favorite categories. But I don't just type in Brazilian. I need like layers. So it's like Brazilian mom comes home early from Iraq back to surprise Brazilian stepson who's watching, you know like, you know, AirBuds 6. He gets bored so he, you know, Brazilian stepmom, you know, titties, you know. When did you move? All right, we'll edit this out. When did, when did you Move to America.
Pedro Franco
Like 2016, I think I'm here 90 years.
Dr. Phil
First impressions.
Pedro Franco
Love it, dude. Great place.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Best country on planet Earth.
Dr. Phil
It is, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It is.
Dr. Phil
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. So do you do jiu jitsu?
Pedro Franco
I did it for, like, two months, and then I came to Austin. I don't have time anymore.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right, you're too busy swimming in pussy. What do you do when you're not doing standup comedy in Austin?
Pedro Franco
Dude, I just do this because, like, my visa's up, so I have to leave. And it's true. I have to leave.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have to leave?
Pedro Franco
I gotta leave in two months. So I just been focusing on standing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They're gonna make you leave.
Brett O'Brien
Y.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Meanwhile.
Pedro Franco
I know it's ridiculous. I know. Like, I can leave and walk back in, but I can't stay.
Dr. Phil
If you want. I know some guy named Adam Ray. He might buy you a hotel if you just tug it. His heart.
Pedro Franco
Appreciate it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
I mean, he's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't think buying a hotel is going to help us go.
Dr. Phil
It's not going to happen. But, I mean, you can reach out,
Tony Hinchcliffe
you know, it's going to be. It's going to be on your bill. The kicked in Door by ice. That for deports him.
Dr. Phil
God damn it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I didn't think you'd put me down on incidentals, too. Oh, my God.
Dr. Phil
Is there. Are there Brazilian standup comics? Like, how do you figure out that this is something that you could do?
Brett O'Brien
Dude, I don't know.
Pedro Franco
I just kind of, like, I always loved it, and then a friend of mine, like, made me do it, and I had a good time.
Dr. Phil
So have you seen American Comedy?
Sherry Vaseji
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Who'd you like? Who got you fired up? Louie. Yeah. Yeah. Here you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, absolutely. What do you do for a living? How do you make money?
Pedro Franco
I work in rental cars.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Rental cars?
Casey Rocket
Yeah.
Pedro Franco
I'm gonna say the name of the place because, I mean, I'm leaving the country anyways. I work for Enterprise.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm leaving. Wow.
Pedro Franco
They're not sponsoring me.
Dr. Phil
I don't give a.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know? Yeah, they're not gonna do it.
Pedro Franco
Yeah, but that's what I do. It's boring. I don't like it. Just pays my bills pretty much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Being broke hurts, and I talk about
Dr. Phil
that in my book. We've got issues. You need money to have fun. Go ahead.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tony, what's your love life like? You're tall, you're Brazilian. I can't even imagine what's going on here.
Pedro Franco
Single, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
If you're vegan. I know a 90 year old Ian
Pedro Franco
woman that I was listening in the back. I mean, I need a marriage to stay. So that would be if I can work out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Dr. Phil
Let's do it tonight. That.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Dr. Phil
Can you imagine?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is there a. Is there any chance there's a. What's it called?
Dr. Phil
Is there an ordained minister?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is there an. Is there an ordained minister here where everybody's point. Wait, there's so many of them. This is crazy. Welcome to Texas, where everybody's like, God bless this guy. Wait a second.
Dr. Phil
This guy. This guy who looks like a DJ in Grand Theft Auto. You're a minister? You got a badge or something? I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You got your ID on you?
Cam Patterson
Wait, okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is Sherry still here?
Dr. Phil
Is Sherry still here?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sherry back there?
Dr. Phil
Oh, my God. This could actually work. This is kind of what he described or she described.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It is, bro. Say you're a vegan, dude.
Dr. Phil
Say you're a vegan and she will open up every door and hole, I swear to God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We. We know you beat your meat, but now you gotta sneak your meat. Because if your wife finds out. It's not the first time an Iranian woman's been in an arranged marriage. By the way, this is absolutely right on schedule. We're gonna tell her you're a Brazilian heir and she might be down for this. This is absolutely incredible. We're waiting for Sherry. Can we get the little. This guy puts the mini in Minister, come on up here.
Dr. Phil
Here he comes.
Brett O'Brien
D.
Dr. Phil
Please welcome to the stage Sean McVeigh, the coach of the Los Angeles Rams.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is wild. This could be the first ever kill. Tony.
Dr. Phil
He's a hot guy. I'm Sean McGay right now. Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey.
Casey Rocket
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know, is this legal?
Dr. Phil
Was that.
Pedro Franco
Is that legal?
Dr. Phil
I don't know, dude. We're just trying to have some fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Dr. Phil
What's up, dog? Nice to meet you. Play your pleasure.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. We found the Rainy street serial killer, everybody. This is amazing. Absolutely incredible. What's your name, sir? Tal. What is it?
Preacher Lawson
Tall.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tall. Wow, that's ironic. That's like the guys next to his name being short.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, my name's Hair. Hit me. Red band.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And my name's straight. All right,
Brett O'Brien
Here you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your name is Tall. That is incredible. What do you do for work, Tall?
Preacher Lawson
I work on a credit card.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You work on a what?
Preacher Lawson
A credit card.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You work on a credit card? Holy.
Avery Hutto
I'm in charge of getting people to sign up for a credit card.
Dr. Phil
There we go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. All right. What can you. You probably can't say the company, right?
Preacher Lawson
Amazon.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Incredible. Well, you're about to probably get somebody a visa here in a second. Incredible. D Madness has seen enough cleaning the house. D. Madness's middle name. 2020 Vision, by the way.
Pedro Franco
Yes. If I'm good at cleaning houses because I'm Latino. Did you hear that?
Avery Hutto
I thought you were Portuguese.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You guys Latino? Still having your own podcast over there? What the is going on? Stick with me, ladies and gentlemen. You know her, you love her. Make some noise again for Sherry Viseji, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Now, Sherry, you left such a impact on us that this is the very extremely rare occasion in which we have somebody back on the show. Now, this young man, Pedro Franco right here, this tall, brown, vegan. Let. Yeah, he. Let me just say I need you.
Dr. Phil
Guys, guys, we don't have instant replay, but I'm going to show you what Cherry did when she found out that he was vegan. Ready? Tell me you're vegan.
Pedro Franco
I'm vegan.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah.
Dr. Phil
That was hot. Keep going, Sherry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Sherry Vaseji
Did I do that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Amazing. So, Sherry, we're in a little bit of a situation because Pedro is from Brazil. He's been here since 2000, 2016, and he needs to marry an American woman in order to get to stay in America. Now, the. The man next to you, believe it or not, his name is Tall.
Dr. Phil
That might be a red flag.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And, Sherry, the. The. The man next to you, Tall is an ordained minister. Her. So with that said, Pedro, I do believe now is the time to pop the question. Ask Sherry. Get down on one knee.
Dr. Phil
Get down on one knee.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's. He's literally. He got down on one knee. He's still taller than Tall. Incredible. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Pedro Franco.
Pedro Franco
Sherry, will you help me stay in the greatest nation of the world?
Sherry Vaseji
I believe I'm American enough that I could probably help you.
Dr. Phil
That's right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. That's good enough. That's good. Tal. What do you say? Do you pronounce them? What do you just say?
Dr. Phil
Do you? Yeah. Do you?
Sherry Vaseji
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah, baby. That's it. Let's go. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kill Tony. A. Wow.
Dr. Phil
Maybe.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dreams have come true here. Sherry, you are an instant kill Tony legend. Pedro, you had a fantastic minute. Congratulations. It looks like things may be going your way.
Dr. Phil
Does she get to do the secret show for this show?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Literally trying to, like, think of something that we could do for her. Can she do the roasting of Dr. Phil?
Dr. Phil
Would that be possible? I'll fly to LA and you can do the roast of Dr. Phil.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You got to have someone do. Sherry, what's the longest set you've ever done?
Sherry Vaseji
I can. Oh, I can do 15 to 20 minutes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why don't you let us open the show on Thursday after Fog Chow? Why don't you come over to the secret show on Thursday? You're going to open it up. Sunset Strip Comedy Club. What is it, 8:00pm oh, my God. Goodness gracious. Dreams are coming true. Here, Tall. Did you sign up for the show?
Jason Ellis
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. There you go. Thank you, Tall. Thank you, Sherry. And thank you, Pedro, ladies and gen. Pedro, take one of these. Damn, he catches like cherry. Woo. God damn. What an episode. What an episode so far. And now. Now, ladies and gentlemen, the bucket pools have been so good that. This is crazy. It's time for another one of our regulars, Everybody. One of the best to ever be a regular in the history of the show. This young man is on fire here with a brand new minute. This is the one and only Cam Patterson.
Cam Patterson
I'mma fuck that guy's wife, man. They just got married and I'm happy for them, but I like fucking old women, dog. That's not a part of the minute. I just want to tell y' all that I will fuck that old lady.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right?
Cam Patterson
I don't understand helping the homeless if you're not going to give them a house. I think that's. That's dumb. My barber likes to go on 6th street and get home people haircuts. And I think that's fucking stupid. Cause you gotta understand something. They get they money because they look homeless. If you give them a haircut, you just fucking up their uniform, dawg. And if I see a homeless nigga with a better haircut than me, I might punch his ass. Really? You piece of shit. Like I'm not gonna get no money to no homeless nigga with no clean ass. Drop fade. That's not finna happen, Susan. A drop fade when you kind of cut the size a little bit and then you keep the rest. I'm done.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Holy shit. This is what we do. My goodness gracious.
Cam Patterson
We doing it, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn.
Cam Patterson
Come on, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have done it yet again.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, it was fun.
Dr. Phil
That was good.
Cam Patterson
I like that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, that might be.
Dr. Phil
That might be my favorite one so far.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cam Patterson, absolutely unstoppable right now. He is on fire. We did an episode of the Dr. Phil show yesterday.
Dr. Phil
Oh, yeah, baby. Get ready. Tony, Cam and William at the same time, baby, last night. Yeah, you guys murder that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was fun.
Cam Patterson
What's they had on?
Pedro Franco
A thong.
Cam Patterson
That was disturbing.
Dr. Phil
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Cam Patterson
Disturbing.
Dr. Phil
Somebody came out in a thong. And then. And then, you know, Cam said the N word or something, you know.
Cam Patterson
But that's my favorite word, man.
Dr. Phil
You guys murdered it, man. It was fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cam, that is an amazing joke about giving the homeless people haircuts. Unbelievably fantastic. Smart, funny, everything. As always, you came through riding the momentum of what happened on stage.
Cam Patterson
That was insane.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah. That was crazy. It's a wild show.
Cam Patterson
I was asking you in the back, like, can they do that? Can that really happen? Is that legal? Nick? He said, hell yeah. That's what he said.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You wanna get mad?
Cam Patterson
Hell yeah. What the fuck, man? That's not a real thing. That's not real shit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, it'll be interesting to see. I don't know if the. I don't know if I just finna
Cam Patterson
kick that nigga door in.
Christian Alexander
Steal.
Dr. Phil
You said you like older women. Sherry. Did we find out how old Sherry was? Was maybe late 50s, early 60s?
Tony Hinchcliffe
73. So you moved in 76 minus 13. So 63.
Dr. Phil
63. Is that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, no, she was born in 63, which means she's
Dr. Phil
61. Thanks.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, I the out that lady.
Dr. Phil
You would. Yeah, yeah.
Cam Patterson
She ain't get a new CHL yet. I had that already, you know what I'm saying?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow.
Dr. Phil
What does that do to you again? CHL does what? Just burns a little bit. Let her a little bit can fight through that.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, it's good.
Casey Rocket
Yeah.
Cam Patterson
Is fun, man.
Dr. Phil
You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know. You don't have to school me on the signs of burning.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Good time, man.
Cam Patterson
I like that. I like chlamydia.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cool as, bro. Is that one of your cousins? Chlamydia. Chlamydia.
Cam Patterson
Jenkins, I'm going to name my daughter that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You bleeding?
Cam Patterson
What's going on right here?
Dr. Phil
Probably okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is he bleeding?
Dr. Phil
Am I bleeding?
Cam Patterson
Little neck, look. Got a little neck. Little something like your neckline right there.
Dr. Phil
Is this a decoy? So you can steal my wallet?
Cam Patterson
Why would I steal your wallet, Dr. Phil?
Dr. Phil
I don't know. But if you're here, who's outside? Target selling candy bars for their baseball team. Sorry. Once it was here, I had to do it.
Cam Patterson
I don't play baseball. I play basketball.
Dr. Phil
That's right. That's right. You told me that. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Come on.
Dr. Phil
Last night on the show, What I love about last night's show, I can't wait for you guys to see is Cam opened up, man. We got some real deep cut history from you.
Brett O'Brien
Hell yeah, man.
Dr. Phil
I don't Know, you were such a superstar athlete and your coach was. That was crazy.
Cam Patterson
Yeah, man. Coach Sarge.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, Coach Sarge. You guys will see.
Pedro Franco
But.
Dr. Phil
But now. And he hasn't reconnected with you, has he?
Cam Patterson
Huh? The funny thing is, he did tell me one time. He always had his saying. He'll be like, y. Understand something. I'm always right. I'm never wrong. I might be wrong in the moment, but I'm always gonna be right. And then the last day I. I seen him, he told me, he said, I don't know why you played basketball, nigga. You should be a comedian. You goofy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And he was right.
Cam Patterson
He was right as. So you know, his head.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Phil
Now, I have another question for you, Kim, and don't take this the wrong way. Can you do a backflip? And if you can, and if you can, appreciate you. I'm going to give a costly assist on that one.
Cam Patterson
I could do a backflip.
Dr. Phil
You can.
Cam Patterson
We learned it from birth.
Dr. Phil
Yeah.
Cam Patterson
Out the womb. We just start flipping, dog. Just come out flipping like how dolphins come out swimming. We just. All right, let's hit it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know what I'm saying? It's very easy.
Cam Patterson
You can't flip.
Dr. Phil
I mean, I can flip a girl over if I'm her on her period. Come on, on now.
Cam Patterson
Talk to me. That was weird, but I like it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait a second. Strange. Well, I.
Dr. Phil
Could I talk about it more in my book, in chapter 12. We've got issues. Don't let a period stop a Tuesday from being the best day ever.
Cam Patterson
You got an audio version of that?
Dr. Phil
I'll sign it for you. Okay, I got you. If you flip for me.
Cam Patterson
Wait, what? If you flip for me? What kind of weird scenario is this? Dr. Phil, flip for me. They going to flip. Just do a flip, man.
Dr. Phil
I didn't say the nword or the man thing. I was sincerely trying to make plans for the weekend. All right. I love you, Cam.
Tony Hinchcliffe
La too, man.
Dr. Phil
I need to see. I need to see a Tony. A tour and see Cam out there. Is it just bananas when he comes out?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Unbelievable. I don't know why you would use the word bananas. God damn it.
Cam Patterson
Dr. Feel.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely. That's crazy.
Dr. Phil
I swear to God that one was on mistake.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, it must be a blast out there. I bet it's just a good old bowl of watermelon out there, huh? I bet it's just a ro. Like a rotisserie chicken just spinning around. God damn it. God.
Cam Patterson
The man just said black chicken. He just. What the.
Preacher Lawson
This is great.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My Goodness, I bet it's just a goddamn Medea goes to the fun house. Wow, Dr. Phil, you are accidentally out of control tonight. You've got issues.
Dr. Phil
When I talk about that in chapter 16, about my own personal struggles and what I'm doing to overcome them. Thanks for the plug, Tony. You know what plugs feel like, don't you?
Tony Hinchcliffe
All that. What? Oh, man.
Dr. Phil
Redban, you got a butt plug sound effect or something?
Casey Rocket
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right.
Dr. Phil
Wait. What did he do? I didn't hear it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was a fart noise. Brilliant red band. Right on.
Dr. Phil
Kids are watching.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. Cam, you did it again. We absolutely love you. You're a freak of nature. Absolute, absolute bananas. The best. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. And back to the bucket we go. Not easy to follow that. And so, on a mission. 60 seconds from Christian Alexander. Here we go. What's up?
Christian Alexander
How we doing? We can all agree there's a homeless epidemic. Like the other day I saw a homeless lady with a fat ass. She came up to me, can I have a dollar? And I was like, would I ask like that? I'll give you a home, bitch. Poor thing barely spoke a lick of English. I was like, what's your name? She goes, what a beautiful name. Took her home, hosed her down. Mom, this is rural. She be staying here a while. She helped me. Started believing in God. Cause I busted a nut inside of her, right? And I was like, God, if you real please don't let her be pregnant. And exactly a week later, her ass got hit by a car. Won't he do it? Nah, fuck that. My car did get towed. Totaled.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm not gonna get a homeless pregnant.
Avery Hutto
What the.
Dr. Phil
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Yet another set. Christian Alexander, welcome. This is your first time on the show?
Christian Alexander
Yes, sir.
Pedro Franco
What's up?
Tony Hinchcliffe
How old are you?
Christian Alexander
23.
Tony Hinchcliffe
23 years old. How long you been doing stand up?
Christian Alexander
Two years consistently, but four years my first time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You from time to time. Texas.
Pedro Franco
Houston.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Austin. Houston. And that's where you live now? Yep. With your mom?
Christian Alexander
Oh, 100%.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. The free rent. Absolutely. What do you do for work? Ah,
Christian Alexander
I work at Adidas and it's great. Cuz I got a foot fetish. So I see a lot of hoses.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Toes up. Oh, look at that.
Dr. Phil
What do you. What's your. What size do you like?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Size S7Y. Wow. He knew exactly what he's into there. Is that a size 7 in men's or women's?
Christian Alexander
Women only.
Dr. Phil
O yeah.
Christian Alexander
Men's is disgusting.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Women do that.
Dr. Phil
Pretty your feet. Is there something about the foot. Like, what do you love about it?
Christian Alexander
The stank.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The stank.
Avery Hutto
Wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're a dirty little boy.
Cam Patterson
Look.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My goodness. Christian, do you have a girlfriend?
Brett O'Brien
No. No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why do you say it like that?
Christian Alexander
Because inflation.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Very cheap for a guy that lives with his mother. Inflation. Do you know what that means?
Christian Alexander
Kind of.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Kind of. What do you do for fun? What does a 23 year old like Christian Alexander do for fun?
Christian Alexander
Drink and drive.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really?
Christian Alexander
Practice it. Practice.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. The Houston pastime of drinking and driving. Driving. What else? What do you like to drink, Christian? You. A tequila.
Christian Alexander
Tequila soda. Yeah, I was trying to get a shot back there, but I was thirsty. Huh.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I can't demand. Have you been drinking today?
Casey Rocket
Oh, yeah.
Christian Alexander
It's Austin.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What?
Christian Alexander
This is Austin, huh?
Dr. Phil
Inflation. Inflation. Tony?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah? Do you have to drive home tonight to Houston?
Christian Alexander
No, I got my dad's credit card, so I ain't really paying for nothing.
Dr. Phil
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, new Amazon credit card. Card. All right. So mom and dad are still together?
Christian Alexander
Yeah, but I wish they weren't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why?
Christian Alexander
Cuz, I don't know. Maybe my mom might be cheating. Who knows?
Tony Hinchcliffe
What makes you say that?
Christian Alexander
She's a Walmart couponer, but she never has coupons. And she goes like every day, like, where the coupons at? You know what I mean?
Dr. Phil
No, we don't.
Christian Alexander
What the. You go to Walmart every day, you bring back like nothing. You say you're a couponer, but you never see any coupons.
Dr. Phil
Oh, gotcha. So she's saying that she's looking for the discounts and the deals, but she never comes home with any actual items.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Christian Alexander
No, she comes back like the same cereal.
Dr. Phil
What kind of cereal?
Christian Alexander
Reese's Puffs. That's probably her boyfriend's favorite. Who knows?
Dr. Phil
Oh,
Tony Hinchcliffe
wow. This is very suspicious. What does dad do for work?
Christian Alexander
I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You?
Christian Alexander
He's a manager, but like, I don't know what he works in. She rock. I don't ask, we don't talk. You know what I mean? He's my dad.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's Mexican.
Dr. Phil
Why don't you and your dad talk anymore?
Christian Alexander
We don't watch wrestling anymore, you know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, you used to watch wrestling together?
Brett O'Brien
Yeah.
Casey Rocket
It was cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You didn't catch this last Wrestlemania?
Cam Patterson
I did.
Christian Alexander
Oh, my God, it was crazy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was crazy.
Christian Alexander
It was crazy. I jumped up and down when Cena came up.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What was your favorite part? Cena?
Christian Alexander
No, the cena. I was like, oh, my gosh. John Cena?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Christian Alexander
Then Undertaker came out and my. My heart sank to my ass.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's True.
Dr. Phil
Me too.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It got me. Got the best of me too. There it. It got me.
Christian Alexander
I didn't like Randy Orton though. He was a little too like fat.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, we're getting off subject. Going a little too, too inside Baseball. Christian, what's your love life like?
Dr. Phil
Desperate.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really?
Christian Alexander
A little bit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Yeah.
Christian Alexander
I like taller women.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh yeah.
Christian Alexander
I like them all, but mostly taller women.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, so wait, do you like a big foot or you want a tall
Casey Rocket
girl with little feets?
Christian Alexander
She got skinny ones with veins on it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You talking about her foot? Yeah, that's what she's talking about. So you like a. You like a veiny, stinky foot?
Christian Alexander
She works hard. I got to stink. You know what I mean? She works a lot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Little hair. Well, she's going to have to work hard with young ladies. The ass. Incredible.
Dr. Phil
When's the last time you spoke to your father, Christian?
Christian Alexander
I told him I loved him the other day. Man, his. He's paying for a lot of that. I. I got to be appreciative and grateful.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, it doesn't. Well, I feel like there's a lot of stuff you haven't said to him and Red Band, if you can hit me with some soft piano music. I wouldn't. I would love to role play a little conversation to warm you up for the real one you should be having soon. Okay, Red.
Cam Patterson
Ben, hit me.
Dr. Phil
I'm going to play Christian's dad. And Christian, you play yourself in this.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There's no way you could it up. Christian, this is your father. What's your dad's name?
Christian Alexander
Mayo.
Dr. Phil
All right, so here I'm gonna you knock on the door. Hey, who is it? This is my. Or is that the be the delivery guy?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, she.
Dr. Phil
Christian. What's up, dog? How's Adidas treating you, player? How the foot? Ben, you smell some good feet lately? No, I just kid. I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love you.
Dr. Phil
I say, come on. I miss you, dog. We never watch wrestling anymore. Remember John Cena? Remember when John Cena came?
Tony Hinchcliffe
I remember that.
Dr. Phil
Remember? I know I used to take you to wrestling all the time, but you know, inflation, you know, I can't take you anymore.
Christian Alexander
You've never talked to me this much.
Dr. Phil
Holy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Another one. My goodness. Christian. Alexander, before we let you go, what's something about your life that would really surprise us? You ever like the craziest thing that's ever happened to you that you think makes you different than everybody else? You ever almost die or.
Christian Alexander
I was molested as a child.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that true?
Dr. Phil
Yeah, it Was a up time, man. I remember I came home.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Were you really kind of about a woman?
Christian Alexander
You know, really count, you know what I mean?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Who was the woman? Matia.
Christian Alexander
We're still friends on Facebook too, so, like.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like Tyler Perry?
Brett O'Brien
Bigger.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, what? He said Mya. Not. Not Medea. Oh, I thought you said Medea.
Dr. Phil
It's a classic. Medea. Ikea kerfuffle. Wait, how old was she when you were getting. How old were you?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, what do you remember about this? What did she do to everything, dude?
Christian Alexander
Nah, nah, nah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What did she do to you? It's okay.
Christian Alexander
She just put on a little porn. I was like, we're gonna do what they doing.
Dr. Phil
Oh, Jesus.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait a second.
Christian Alexander
And I was like, let's do it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your tia for the. For the white people. Can you explain what your TIA is?
Christian Alexander
They know what's up. This is Texas, you know what I'm saying?
Tony Hinchcliffe
And also millions on the Internet right now. So go ahead and explain. What the. Atia is my dad's sister, Right? Yeah, you had. You had ants in your pants. Thank you. Right there. Top five molestation joke you will ever hear in your life. That is true.
Dr. Phil
You're on fire tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That was unbelievable. Oh, my God. Hey, keep talking about your trauma. We'll think of more puns. You can read all about it in my book. We've got tissues. Oh, you know what? Oh, my God. It's a big joke book, my friend. And you know what? Since you were molested when you were little, here's a little joke book, too. First person to ever get two joke books. Make some noise for Christian Alexander, ladies and gentlemen.
Dr. Phil
Great job, baby. Keep at it, player. Keep at it. Great to see you. Great joke. Great interview.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, you know, before we get to this bucket pool, actually, we have someone special. A. You know, the. The. The molestation thing reminded me there is a young teen who.
Dr. Phil
I can't believe I didn't ask him. Who touched you? You know? What do you mean, Christian? Who touched you? That's how I got famous. Was. Who touched you? Oh, I didn't ask him.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, I didn't know that.
Dr. Phil
Yeah. Can we bring him back out? I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was his tia.
Dr. Phil
What's that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was his tia.
Dr. Phil
I know, but I don't know what that is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He just explained it. His paternal.
Dr. Phil
No, but I don't know. I. I should have asked before he said
Tony Hinchcliffe
was his. It was his aunt.
Dr. Phil
Right, but I. I should have asked before he said it. Can the music get louder somehow? I can't Hear you, Tony. I can't hear you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on, hold on. Jesus Christ. All right, so moving forward, not backward. There's a young teen who, you know, wanted to talk with you. Dr. Phil. He's trying to solve some issues in his life, and he just so happens to be on a hit podcast with a new friend of the show, Tony Hawk. Ladies and gentlemen, from the podcast Hawk vs Wolf, here to talk it out with Dr. Phil. Make some noise for the great Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Jason Ellis.
Jason Ellis
You, Tony Inchcliffe.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Molestation. That's what we're going with.
Jason Ellis
How many books do I get? I got molested by, like, five people
Preacher Lawson
when I was growing up.
Jason Ellis
How many books do I get?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Now's your chance, Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil
Who was your favorite?
Tony Hinchcliffe
No. Jesus Christ.
Dr. Phil
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who. Who touched you sidebar. Was your favorite, right?
Jason Ellis
I think the older ones, the women, were my favorite because. Not as gay as I used to be.
Dr. Phil
How old are we talking? And how old were you when it was transpiring?
Jason Ellis
First ones were real little, like four to, like, six.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Six. And then.
Jason Ellis
Oh, who cares? I'm fine now.
Sherry Vaseji
What do they. What do they.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What do they do to you when you're that young? Because you can't get hard that young, right?
Dr. Phil
You'd be surprised, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, you. You seem like the kind of guy that actually probably could get hard at 4 years old.
Jason Ellis
Jason, I don't know if that's a compliment or not.
Dr. Phil
It's not. It's not.
Pedro Franco
Well, then.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You again, tough guy. You seem like it's your guy. Like you could get hard when you
Jason Ellis
tough guys get hard when they're four. That's right.
Pedro Franco
Yeah, they do.
Christian Alexander
Yeah.
Dr. Phil
Well, okay, so now. I like your shirt, by the way. Is this one of the girls that did it? Oh, that's.
Jason Ellis
I'm trying to.
Preacher Lawson
I'm.
Jason Ellis
I'm. I'm trying to show you that I'm into women.
Dr. Phil
Hell, yeah.
Jason Ellis
Speaking of women, Sherry, if that wedding. That thing doesn't go well, I'll drop some bombs in her bag, dad.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, I like that.
Brett O'Brien
Oh,
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jason Ellis. Ready to pound out a little sand rabbit, you know what I'm saying? A little bit of that.
Dr. Phil
That was my nickname in middle school.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Trying to find out the. The. Some. Some fun from the. All right. Like, jokes hit me at once. I short circuited there. I love it. So, you know you said you're not gay anymore. What are you talking. I'm not.
Jason Ellis
I wasn't gay. I don't know who's gay or you or Me?
Avery Hutto
Seriously?
Jason Ellis
Like, just because I admit it, that might be the only difference.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, you're. You're gayer than me. You did gay.
Jason Ellis
I think the only difference between you and I being gay and people making fun of us is I back it up.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn right.
Jason Ellis
That's why I didn't do. A minute, everybody.
Tony Hinchcliffe
But an interesting thing happened. You told me about it earlier.
Pedro Franco
You.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You were kind of gay.
Preacher Lawson
Bye.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You were bi.
Jason Ellis
Or pan, if you want to be, like, super gay about it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And then you quit drinking. And what happened? You're gonna find this interesting, Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil
I can't wait.
Jason Ellis
I. I don't really like it anymore.
Dr. Phil
The.
Brett O'Brien
The.
Dr. Phil
The taste or what it does to your. Or what it does to your mind.
William Montgomery
That's a valid question.
Jason Ellis
Yeah, I just don't feel like doing it anymore. I used to want to fuck everybody all the time. Anybody, like trans girls, guys, everybody. I was kind of like, the more the better.
Dr. Phil
How about Maphrodites?
Jason Ellis
Yeah, fuck it. Have you got one?
Dr. Phil
Well, I know a couple.
Jason Ellis
Yeah, I did know. I knew a guy that was born a girl, and he had a vagina and a half a penis with a rubber one stuck on it, and they made balls out of his clit. So he had balls, a dick and a vagina and no boobs. And a beard.
Cam Patterson
Whoa.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The beard really throws it off.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah.
Jason Ellis
I'm single, by the way. Can you believe that?
Dr. Phil
Wait, so a ball, a vagina, and a.
Jason Ellis
And there was a button in between the balls. If you pressed it, he would come.
Dr. Phil
No joke.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Are you serious?
Jason Ellis
Yeah, unfortunately, yes.
Dr. Phil
That's called a butthole, Jason. Hate to break it to you, but a butthole is also a bug. He had one of those. Chapter 22, the butthole button.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's true.
Dr. Phil
You can get a copy.
Jason Ellis
I might need that, especially after this thing.
Dr. Phil
Well, no, you're a. You're an open book, and I like that. You always have been, right? I think you're a pretty fearless guy on stage and off stage.
Jason Ellis
Yeah, it looks like it, right?
Dr. Phil
Yeah. What do the tattoos mean?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Some.
Jason Ellis
No, I mean, just to be. To protect my small child. Fear, like terrified self inside. I went to therapy for that.
Dr. Phil
I love that. Yeah. Are any of the tattoos pre or post gay?
Jason Ellis
They're all gay, actually.
Dr. Phil
Okay. What's on your head?
Tony Hinchcliffe
A wolf.
Dr. Phil
I love that.
Jason Ellis
And then an eagle on the back and some snake around, like, I got. I like animals.
Dr. Phil
Me, too.
Jason Ellis
Small world.
Christian Alexander
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The Jason Ellis. You're going on tour? What are you doing on this tour, Jason?
Jason Ellis
Comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it.
Dr. Phil
Yeah.
Jason Ellis
Accidentally, like, I tried to. I've been. I got fired from serious. That was a really cool moment.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Jason Ellis
I used to think that was what I was gonna be as a radio person for the rest of my life. And then Sam Tripley was like, you should do comedy. And I was like, I work. Like, how would that work? And then they fired me. And I was like, now would be a good time to try comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Jason Ellis
And then because I got fired, it was, like, really depressing. And I felt like I hated my. Myself, which made me fit right into comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, that's exactly.
Brett O'Brien
Yeah.
Preacher Lawson
I got a lot of good friends.
Jason Ellis
We all hate each other and ourselves.
Avery Hutto
It's great.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long have you been trying comedy now?
Jason Ellis
For, like, four years now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And you love it?
Jason Ellis
I fucking. The best thing about it is I get nervous, I get scared, like I do with skateboarding and fighting. But when I fuck up, I don't have to go to hospital.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Jason Ellis
I just get, like, really depressed and go home and, like, you know, rain gets sad. Like all you guys used to before you were good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's true.
Preacher Lawson
Yeah.
Jason Ellis
It's fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's a shame there's not a button that makes things all better. Oh, there is.
Jason Ellis
It's just. I don't want to press it anymore.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jason, thank you for swinging by.
Jason Ellis
Thanks for having me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Versus Wolf available everywhere. He's on tour at the jason ellis.com. one more time for Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Come on, make some noise for Jason Ellis, everybody.
Dr. Phil
Very funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Another bucket pool. We are moving smoothly through it. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Avery Hutto. Avery Hutto, everybody. Here we go. Clap for Avery, everyone.
Avery Hutto
So I actually used to date a girl who's bisexual. She's kind of like a medium gay. You wanna know something embarrassing? When her and I first started dating, she had actually slept with more women than I have. But here's the deal. I grew up like a super strict Catholic, so I fucked way more dudes.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, we actually.
Avery Hutto
She broke up with me because I used to beat her all the time in board games. Yeah, we'd be playing Monopoly. She'd start to win. I'd get super amped up, and then I'd punch her in the face. Yeah, I'm trying not to do cocaine anymore. It's making me too powerful. Yeah, my favorite thing to do on cocaine was try to stand completely still. It makes you feel like you're hitting a grind on Tony Hawk's pro skater. We got any. Any ketamine fans in the audience? Dude, Fucking losers, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fucking losers, dude.
Avery Hutto
There's nothing worse than anybody who likes ketamine. Ketamine's for people who got punched in the face and they're like, oh, yeah. That was awesome. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Avery Hutto, this is your first time on the show?
Avery Hutto
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing standup?
Avery Hutto
About six years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Six years? Where at?
Avery Hutto
I started in Detroit, then Chicago, then here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long have you been here?
Avery Hutto
About two years now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You love it?
Avery Hutto
I love it.
Pedro Franco
It's so much fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What made you pick? Austin, Texas?
Avery Hutto
I was in Chicago, broke up with a girl. I had some friends who were moving down here, and I'm like, fuck it, let's go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Nice. I love it. What do you do for work?
Avery Hutto
I work at a cowboy boot company.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, nice. Yes. Allen's Chisos.
Avery Hutto
Chisos Cowboy boots.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where's that at?
Avery Hutto
South First.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Chisos.
Avery Hutto
I don't think you should come in and get some cowboy boots.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I think I might.
Avery Hutto
Okay. I would love that. I. I'm there at the store, so I love it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely. It's going to be good to have someone that speaks English. Was that.
Dr. Phil
Was that the dream? To work, selling cowboy boots? What was the real dream, Avery?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cowboy.
Avery Hutto
Honestly, once you get into cowboy boots, it's hard to see anything else.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It really is pretty cool.
Brett O'Brien
Look it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm serious.
Avery Hutto
Dr. Phil, check these bad boys out.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, those are.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Those are sweet.
Avery Hutto
Those are some badass cowboys.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Checks out.
Dr. Phil
What? What sort of. You got all different types. Are they made from animals or where do you get them from?
Avery Hutto
This is going to be a genuine cowhide leather. That's our retired dairy cow. We also make AAA grade ostrich if you're interested.
Dr. Phil
I'm not.
Avery Hutto
Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dr. Phil, aren't you from Houston? You. You wear boots.
Dr. Phil
I don't. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why aren't you interested in this guy's boots?
Dr. Phil
I don't know. Cuz I. I sometimes I go in and out of being interested.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My God. What's happening right now?
Dr. Phil
I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're going to make my mustache fall off.
Preacher Lawson
After.
Dr. Phil
After Cam tried to steal my wallet, I got frazzled. All right, wait now, Avery, you said you had a girlfriend or.
Avery Hutto
No, not anymore.
Dr. Phil
No is comedy. Did you get into it for the gal factor or did you. Are you not trying to focus on that part?
Avery Hutto
I do not get girls with my comedy.
Dr. Phil
How about at the cowboy boot store?
Tony Hinchcliffe
More.
Dr. Phil
More girls.
Avery Hutto
Some Latina baddies.
Dr. Phil
Some Latina baddies. What do they say to you?
Avery Hutto
Hola.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah.
Dr. Phil
What do you say hola.
Pedro Franco
Okay.
Dr. Phil
Pretty hot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The rest is history.
Preacher Lawson
That's how it goes.
Avery Hutto
That's how it goes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. What do you do for fun, Avery?
Avery Hutto
I like to read and write. That's Big Book Guy. I like to hang out at the library with the homeless.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sounds suspiciously like what a guy that can't read would say.
Avery Hutto
The words are good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. What else? What about the Wild side of Avery?
Jason Ellis
Yeah.
Avery Hutto
So I've had problems with cocaine my whole life. I grew up in Detroit, and I may have been a wayward child smoking crack on the east side.
Dr. Phil
Oh, wow.
Casey Rocket
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. God damn. Detroit got white crackheads. What the. Wow, that's crazy. That city's falling apart. You didn't do meth or anything? Just straight to crack.
Avery Hutto
Just straight to crack. They don't call it crack, so it sounds like more fun. They're like, hey, you want some, girl? And you're like, oh, we're having a party.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They call it girl.
Brett O'Brien
Yeah.
Avery Hutto
Boy and girl. Crack and heroin.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. That is amazing. I can't believe you're on such hard stuff. You look like you would have, like, play a game boy or something like that.
Avery Hutto
The stress, because I was so stress free from all the drugs.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The best place to stay off of cocaine at. When's the last time you did some?
Avery Hutto
So it's been. I've been in and out, but it's been a couple months now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. The last time you did it, where was that? How does that happen? How do you give in to temptation?
Avery Hutto
Oh, I don't like to do cocaine with other people. I don't think that's fun. I like to. I get it. And then I go back to my house, and then I do lines, and then I just write for hours and read books. I'm a crazy person.
Dr. Phil
Like suicide notes or. What do you write?
Avery Hutto
Just journal.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is this stuff that you write, do you ever read it back?
Avery Hutto
It's not bad.
Dr. Phil
Do you got any? I don't have any on me.
Avery Hutto
I. I can bring it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
If Bill did a line of blow right now, I would absolutely lose my mind.
Dr. Phil
I mean, I've never done it. I was just kidding, but I think that. I think that there's. What are you doing to your pants?
Avery Hutto
I'm just readjusting.
Dr. Phil
Okay. Thought you were gonna pull a coke out of your cop or something. Avery. What. What. What do you write? What is. Like the. Like you said, you write when you're. Do you ever do something stupid on coke?
Avery Hutto
I mean, I got into a relationship and you think you love the other person, but really you love the cocaine.
Dr. Phil
Right? Did she do it too?
Avery Hutto
Yes.
Dr. Phil
Okay, so you guys were just a match made in. What the fuck? Yeah. Did you guys have sex on coke?
Avery Hutto
We did. We would write love letters to each other on cocaine and then we would have sex.
Dr. Phil
Was the sex weird or was it great?
Avery Hutto
It was really good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I've never heard anyone make coke. Coke sound gayer. Nothing better than ripping a fat line and riding a love letter.
Dr. Phil
The dude, it feels good. Dude.
Avery Hutto
If you feel drugs are bad because you get sad and lonely, but if you're filled with love on drugs, you're like, everything's pretty good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Listen how lonely those women are over there.
Cam Patterson
A
Tony Hinchcliffe
wow.
Dr. Phil
Yeah. You're not wrong.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely incredible. Alex, fun times. You made your Kill Tony debut. Here's a joke book. There you go, dude. To keep it moving along. All right.
Dr. Phil
Bet it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Make some noise for your next bucket pole. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Angela K. Angela K, everyone. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? The lovely Heidi follower at Gina with three A's. Hg and how about one more time for Angela K, everyone?
Angela K
So I had a colonoscopy recently and, you know, there's really not a whole lot that's pleasant about being molested by a wall, you know? And what's even worse than that is, like, the whole process to get ready for it. Like, you gotta fast with a liquid diet for 24 hours and drink a whole gallon of this crap that I can only describe as Satan's jizz. Like, holy Jesus balls, Batman. That stuff is so bad that they even tell you to mix it with like some sweet tea or some crystalite or something. So I did. I mixed it with some crystal a lot. You know what it tasted like? Tasted like Satan just inside some raspberry lemonade. On a positive note, though, I did like that sleepy time cocktail that they gave me that will make you not give a man like it is. I didn't even care when I woke up in the middle of the procedure, man, Like, I saw them messing with this nasty, fat, nasty, juicy palpitation up. And I was like, ooh, that's gross. And then I woke up. It was the next day, but now I get to have surgery. It's awesome. Like, they're gonna turn my colon into a semicolon. Okay, thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm Angela K. Okay, Angela K. Finally, a bucket pool. That wasn't good all night. It took us to get there. Incredible. Everything's right back on schedule again. It's been eight I was getting distraught at how good they were. Yeah. Thank God you bombed. That is amazing.
Dr. Phil
Angela, how did you feel that went?
Angela K
I had fun with it. I feel like I just got roasted by Elf on a Shelf, but there you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. I wore a red vest tonight, everybody. Indeed. You got me.
Angela K
I love you, Tony. You're awesome.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you. Thank you so much. That was one shitty colonoscopy set.
Angela K
Thank you. It was a shitty time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go, guys. That's the joke I just made. How long you been doing stand up?
Sherry Vaseji
Five years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where at?
Angela K
Just here and there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm not like, what do you do for work? What convenience store are you a cashier at?
Angela K
I shop for Instacart.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, I was very close.
Christian Alexander
Yeah.
Angela K
Very close.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Angela K
Customer service. I'm all about it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Dr. Phil
Do they. What sort of weird deliveries have you made? Like, you know, someone shows up and maybe it's Hans Kim, and he's like, hey, where's my. Where's my condom? Or I don't know what is. What does Hans order?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Probably rice. Yep.
Dr. Phil
So, thanks, Red Man. If. If someone comes to the door and they're being, I guess, inappropriate, how do you handle that?
Angela K
Well, I actually haven't had that happen. I like to just, like, throw their on the door and leave.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, Take a picture.
Sherry Vaseji
Bye.
Angela K
See you later.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Let me ask you something. All that talk about colonoscopies, probably kill at a hospice type of setup.
Angela K
Probably.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What's wrong with your.
Angela K
So. Well, you heard of the contaminated water at Camp Leune?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Angela K
Yeah. Well, I lived there when I was a baby.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. So you have Instacart and Insta Shart?
Angela K
Yeah, something like that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, thank you so much. Fantastic. So what's going on with your butt? You got an old leaky bum bum now?
Angela K
No, there's a. There's a polyp in my sequum that they can't get with the. The little things in your cecum?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yes. Oh, it's called a sequum.
Angela K
Yeah, there's a. There's. You gotta seek them, too.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where's it at?
Angela K
Over on the right side. Like, right by where the small intestines be. The large intestines.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. It's interesting name for something like that. It's called the cecum. I'm going to have to seek it out. Okay, seek them jokes. Can you just leave the pull up? Like, do you have to do anything with it?
Dr. Phil
Good question. Red band.
Angela K
Wait, do I what? Say that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean. I mean, since it's just a pull up, do you have to get it removed or can you just keep it?
Angela K
I mean, no, because if I keep it, it'll turn to cancer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, so they got to pull up on your polyp.
Angela K
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. And what are they going to do? They're going to suck it out, Cut it out. These people are all. Have to go vomit right now. A line of people going to vomit.
Dr. Phil
A little polyp talk. What's wrong with you?
Angela K
No, they're going to. They're just. They're going to cut it out, and then I got to, like, sit around for Camp Leun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We always hear about this, right, in infomercials. Oh, there's some fake fans. Yeah, tell us. Tell us about it. What was it? There's contaminated water.
Angela K
Yeah, contaminated water. Like the. From, like, a dry cleaner. And then the marines were, like, putting their weapons cleaners in the ground water and all that. Fun. Yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They're very proud. Again, a huge fan of Camp Lejeune and ruining people's.
Angela K
Yeah, people's. People's kidneys. All that fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How about the people's elbow?
Christian Alexander
I mean,
Angela K
I couldn't answer that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Finishing maneuver from the Rock. Another thing that happened at this past WrestleMania, all within 10 minutes of John Cena and the undertaker coming out. It's absolutely incredible. Back to the insides of your dark. So when are you planning on having this procedure done?
Angela K
Well, I have the consult next Monday,
Tony Hinchcliffe
so we have a special surprise for you. We had the first wedding here. Here on Kil. Toni. We're about to have the first. Okay, doctor, I got some gloves.
Dr. Phil
Done it before. I'll do it again. Now, is there. Are you nervous to. To get the procedure? Do you like going under like that, or is that because they put you on good drugs? Right.
Angela K
Well, I mean, yeah, the drugs are fun, but I. Yeah, I'm not. I'm. I'm ready to get it over with.
Dr. Phil
Good.
Angela K
You know, writing jokes about it is actually helping.
Brett O'Brien
Well, good.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, you got to turn something like that for your benefit. Are you going to put on some jams? They let you have music they put their fist inside or what? What do they put inside you to grab it?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Good jokes.
Dr. Phil
There you go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dark side of the moon, perhaps. Shitty jokes. Baby, come back. Okay, I'm bombing now. This is great. Is Camp Leun contagious? This is a airborne disease.
Dr. Phil
All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We have a little joke book. But you know what? I'm gonna be honest with you, Angela. Bonsai made extra tiny joke books. Can you catch this?
Avery Hutto
Maybe.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. We're gonna keep it moving. There goes Angela K. Ladies and gentlemen, an action packed episode this has been. There's only one way to put a ribbon on something like this, ladies and gentlemen. Some people call them the Memphis Strap Wrangler. Some people call him the Yankee from Yabuki. Some people call him the Grand Rapids Wrangler. The Big Red Machine, the Vanilla Gorilla. This is indeed lights out William Montgomery.
William Montgomery
Hillary Clinton said that if Trump wins the election, he'll start killing his enemies, which is honestly a little ironic, because if there's one thing that bitch knows about, it's killing your enemies.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fuck.
William Montgomery
I don't know if y' all have been following the Trump trial up in New York, but Trump's case went up in flames last week. Wait, no, it wasn't Trump's case, but the dumbass protester who set himself on fire in front of the courthouse. But seriously, that gallon of gas cost the guy eight and a half dollars. So if he would have just waited until Trump got reelected, he could have burned himself up for half that much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, that's my time. Thank you. Huge to close. All four people at the table clapping with their hands up at the same time. Almost seems like this next election's a no brainer. William, an unbelievable set. You did it yet again. How do you feel?
William Montgomery
I feel pretty good. Other than finding out I got to go to the dermatologist again. I have skin cancer again, right on my nose.
Brett O'Brien
So.
William Montgomery
Tony, I'm really not in a very good spot right now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh my goodness. Is the, is it in your cecum?
William Montgomery
Yeah, it's in my cecum. It's right. No, it's behind my cecum. The doctor said, let me see your cecum, and I let him see the cecum and it's behind there.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you guys play hide and go see come? Uh huh. Oh, oh. A good seacum joke. Five minutes after I needed it. Either a secum. Okay, Billy boy, you have skin cancer.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, I have it again.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have it again? Where's it at?
William Montgomery
It's right on my nose. It's on the left side of my nostril.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Can you point to it?
William Montgomery
Yeah, it's kind of hard to see,
Dr. Phil
but can you, can you pick it off or.
William Montgomery
No, it starts to bleed. I accidentally scratched it last night and started bleeding. So yeah, it's real downer when I'm looking out of the window. I've have just all these people. I honestly have been looking. A lot of people moving out, coming in. It's a lot of people to watch. The, the, the gate, the front Gate hasn't been working for like two weeks, so it's been a free for all. For all these freaks coming in, stealing from the trash can. And yeah, it's sad. I mean, when I can't be looking out because I'm dealing with blood coming out of my nose, it's sad. I mean, that's what I live for. Akash.
Dr. Phil
Skin cancer is one of the rougher ones to get sympathy for too, right?
Tony Hinchcliffe
It is.
William Montgomery
Oh, yeah. Do you agree? You fucking idiot?
Avery Hutto
It.
William Montgomery
Who are you with your daughter tonight? Who is that?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Wow, William. So much going on. We shocked the world on Friday night. Took you back to your home state of Tennessee to perform at literally the greatest venue on planet Earth. The Ryman Auditorium, AKA the Grand Ole Opry, AKA the Mother Church.
Dr. Phil
And
Tony Hinchcliffe
how did it make you feel up there?
William Montgomery
Do what?
Dr. Phil
It was wonderful.
William Montgomery
It was a wonderful feeling being able to go back to Tennessee, where sadly, my best friend Swoo died. He was from Nashville. It was a. It was sad. I revisited his house that I went to that he found his body in. He died on the couch. Yeah, it was really bad. You can't mix cocaine and Xanax. But, yeah, I went back to the house, went back to the scene. It was really hard.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, I was very special. Sad interview with William Montgomery.
William Montgomery
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cancer. My. Oh. Performing at the best venue in the world. Yes. My friend died miles from there. It's kind of incredible. You could have said anything in the world just then. Partying with Jelly Roll, the Black Keys, Wynonna Judd. But you're still thinking about Swoon, it seems.
Christian Alexander
Swoo.
William Montgomery
Yeah. Also Hans Kim, he threw me a. A vape with on it. So that was horrible. He was like, no, there's on it. Drop it. I was like, what'd you just do, you idiot?
Casey Rocket
And.
William Montgomery
And had to go wash my hands. It was doo doo all over my right hand. So I'm going to get Hans back for that. I don't know why he did that.
Dr. Phil
What are you going to do?
William Montgomery
I don't know. I might fucking break into his place. I know where he lives and just wait in his closet. He has a gun that I know I could get from his fucking ass. So we'll see.
Dr. Phil
Yeah, I guess we will. Shit, yeah.
William Montgomery
Yeah, we'll see. I'm not in the mood for it tonight, Dr. Phil. I'm in a real nasty mood tonight.
Dr. Phil
I could tell.
William Montgomery
Real nasty tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Whoa. He's fired up.
William Montgomery
I swear to God, I wish I was feeling better, but I got Cancer again. I feel real nasty tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe
SW Is dead. You know what, William?
William Montgomery
He's never coming back.
Dr. Phil
William, you seen the new Barbie movie?
Cam Patterson
No.
William Montgomery
I saw the Civil War movie, and
Tony Hinchcliffe
I thought it was about the 1800s. It was not about that. What was it about?
William Montgomery
War photographers. I thought it was going to be like the fucking Civil War, but wasn't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're a big fan, obviously of the Confederacy. So, William, you know, let's keep this moving. William. It was an unbelievable set, but it seems like the interview portion this evening's a little bit serious, a little bit dramatic. So you know what maybe we should do? I think maybe you should have a seat at the table and maybe we put a ribbon on this episode with a brand new minute from. I don't know, maybe, just maybe, the 2023 guest of the year. And a guy. And a guy. I don't know. I don't want to make any bold predictions, but I was would say off of this episode alone, a guy who appears to be the front runner for 2024 guest of the year. Why don't we pull a little switcheroo? Joining the panel, William Montgomery. And closing out the show, this is Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil
One more time for William Montgomery, everybody. Here he is right here. William Montgomery, dressed like a guy who works at a bowling alley, but it's also going to kill himself on his last day of work. Wrote a couple jokes down here. A couple about William. I said, william looks like. William looks like you have sex with girls and then you give them fleas. Thought that was funny. Said probably say that again to myself later. William lies a lot, mostly on cardboard boxes at bus stops. So put that one in the keeper kink. Let's see. Tony. Tony Hinchcliffe. Tony. How can we call this kill? Tony, you look like you're like you died two weeks ago.
Christian Alexander
All right.
Dr. Phil
Sounded better in my head on the drive over. Tony, you look. Look like the second coolest kid in homeschool. Pretty good. Yeah. This guy liked it. I like that guy for liking it. Tony, you look like the kid on the milk carton who went missing, then got found, then got molested. So in that. In that order. So check the game tape if you're a psychopath. Brian Redband's here. Or as I like to call him, Judd Appetizer. Let's see. Brian. And Brian's my favorite guy. Brian, you look like you smell like deli meats. What's going on, player? No, Brian's one of my favorite people. Brian, you were my favorite character in Men in Black. Did you ever get that sugar water to. All right, we'll leave it there. There's more to it, but I'll. I'll send you a link. Congrats on the engagement. By the way, Brian, you look exactly like a guy who would be engaged to an Asian. No, you're. You're the sweetest. And I'm happy for you both. Brian, you're like a cuddly teddy bear. That bear had a sex doll. What else we got? Cam Cam Patterson was here. Give it up for Cam Patterson, everybody. Cam Cam is short for camp counselor. Who touches the kids.
Christian Alexander
All right.
Dr. Phil
Casey Rockett. Casey boy. One more time for Casey Rocket. Now that guy is just kill. Tony has really given him a platform to be him himself, and now he's going to take his talents to the Garden and. And just cause a scene. Casey, Casey, you look like you're doing a walkathon for schizophrenia. Case. You look like you name a flavor for your boogers before you eat them. Yeah, I like that one. I like that one a lot. Casey, you look like a model train conductor. I don't know. Casey's got more lithium than a Tesla battery. And then I just wrote Hans Kim at the end here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So that's it.
Dr. Phil
That's my time, everybody. Thank you so much, Dr. Phil. I love you guys. You guys are an amazing crowd. Or not. Kill Tony. Best show in the world. I love you guys.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Akash sings the new special Gas Lid. And Akash sing comedy on YouTube. Thank you. To connect mobile health, the IB drips, talk space, Squarespace, Gel Blaster, Red Rose, Yellow Rose Hall, Law Firm Ninja Buses. The drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in and it is incredible. Let's see the drawing from Chris Rogers. Whoa. A brand new William Montgomery. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Follow these guys. Watch them lives. Do everything. Follow them. Have fun. This week in Austin, Texas. Those of you visiting, make sure you catch the stream of Los Angeles Live, the forum, and the YouTube Theater. A lot of crazy stuff happening there. You're not gonna believe it. You're not going to want to wait for it to come out on YouTube. So just buy, buy it. Support the show. It's a huge production. We got the director from the UFC doing it. A very, very expensive, high level production. We're going all out for these shows. The Madison Square Garden in the Forum, trying to go to another level with this crazy show, which sounds crazy, but I don't know, I believe in it. A lot of special stuff happening. Another shout out to Jason Ellis the Jason Ellis stuff.com Hawk vs Wolf Akasha special Gaslit out. Now Akash sing comedy and Preacher Lawson's new special My name is Preacher at Preacher Lawson on YouTube. Red band I'll be in San Diego with Casey Rocket in July. Go to American Comedy co.com Love you guys. So much stuff happening. Go to killmerch.com I designed the new NASA hoodie, which I love and I already have two of and a lot of other really cool stuff@killmerch.com kill tony live.com for the live streams. One more time for Akash singing Dr. Phil. We love you guys. Thank you. Good night everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Sam.
Recorded: May 13, 2024 | Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
This high-energy episode of Kill Tony delivers on all cylinders—the chaotic, electric vibe of Austin’s Comedy Mothership, loaded with outrageous and unfiltered stand-up sets from comics of every stripe. The show’s panel features host Tony Hinchcliffe, co-host Brian Redban, and regular band jabs, with an outstanding guest lineup, including Adam Ray as “Dr. Phil,” reigning Guest of the Year, and rising star Akaash Singh. Preacher Lawson and Jason Ellis both make memorable appearances.
The evening is a celebration of new comedic voices, surprise returns, wild crowd interactions, and spontaneous live-show magic—including a tongue-in-cheek onstage wedding and deeply personal interviews. The theme centers on the unpredictable nature of live stand-up, the camaraderie and competition within the comic community, and the catharsis that comes from finding raw hilarity in real-life hardship.
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Kill Tony #663 is an unapologetically wild ride—equal parts open-mic anarchy, hyped-up roast, support group, and variety show. The comedy veers from absurdist bits (Casey Rocket), straight-up darkness (breakups, trauma, molestation reveals), and wild crowd stunts (onstage arranged marriage). “Dr. Phil” (Adam Ray) brings relentless riff energy, delivering a roast so potent that every regular and guest gets a memorable shot.
Between sincere encouragement and sharp-tongued destruction, the show celebrates the courage it takes to be vulnerable on stage. There’s catharsis in all that weirdness—whether aspiring comics are bombing, crushing, oversharing, or living out mock-deportation weddings—laughter’s the universal language that makes it work.
Episode MVPs:
For more episodes and tickets to future live shows: killtonylive.com
Merch: killtonymerch.com
Guest specials: "Gaslit" by Akash Singh and "My Name Is Preacher" by Preacher Lawson available on YouTube