#664 - KAM PATTERSON + WILLIAM MONTGOMERY + CASEY ROCKET

Summary

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Kill Tony #664 Detailed Episode Summary

Recorded live at Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX — May 21, 2024
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe
Co-Host: Brian Redban
Special Format: “Bucket Bizarre” — All three Kill Tony regulars (William Montgomery, Cam Patterson, Casey Rocket) are panelists.

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Main Theme

This “Bucket Bizarre” episode of Kill Tony featured a marathon of comedian bucket pulls, with the panel comprising only the show’s three regulars: William Montgomery, Cam Patterson, and (making his first full-panel appearance) Casey Rocket. The format leaned into the unpredictable, high-chaos energy of open mic comedy and irreverent, rapid-fire interviews that have made Kill Tony so successful, but with a more intimate, inside-baseball twist as the regulars traded stories, roasted contestants, and riffed on each performance.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Opening & Introduction ([00:00–07:58])

• Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban introduce the night, highlighting that the regulars are now serving as panelists.
• Brian jokes about his arduous travel and William’s thriftiness (15-hour journey for a $100 flight).
• The regulars riff about being nervous, adjusting to sitting still on the panel (especially Casey).

“Sitting still is the equivalent to like a bad mushroom trip for Casey.” — Tony Hinchcliffe (06:56)

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2. First Comedian: David Jolly ([07:59–15:43])

• David’s set is birthday-themed stand-up, riffing on 90s PBS shows, Bert and Ernie, and magic school bus conspiracies.
• Edgy, raucous race banter with the panel. Roasts fly both ways; William and Cam riff with David about age and race.
• Notable exchange: jokes about Ms. Frizzle's hygiene and a callback to red hair as a sign of uncleanliness.

“Yesterday you took the... you took the cheapest flight you could find, didn’t you?” — Tony to William (05:26)

“She ain’t teach them kids nothing. I ain’t seen no syllabus, no notebook, no nothing. All they doing is flying in and out of frogs’ assholes all damn day.” — David Jolly (08:04)

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3. Rapid-Fire Bucket Pulls

(All times approximate and slightly truncated for clarity)

Remy Swiss ([15:43–23:21])

• Deadpan jokes about being a “sugar daddy” due to pre-diabetes.
• Talks career (weed industry → Tesla), multilingualism, and dry humor style.
• Panel questions his high energy claim; attempt at showcasing 12 ways to say "thank you."
• Roasted for Wilford Brimley and jizz-a-beetus joke.

“You went from Breaking Bad to making bad jokes.” — Brian Redban (18:14)

A Armstrong ([24:07–34:41])

• Face tattooed with an “A” (branding himself), recounts a wild tale of being raised playing with a monkey as a child in Japan.
• Self-deprecates: "I'm high as fuck," answers rapid-fire about his past, job at Goodwill, comedy hustle.
• Notable monkey impersonation.

“It's a branding genius. Brand yourself.” — A Armstrong (25:45)

Solomon Kraft ([35:38–45:53])

• Surreal stories: Yearlong South America motorcycle trip, Navy "special warfare" boats for SEALS.
• Wild, detailed recount of a threesome with an Italian girl and a trans woman in Germany ("ground rules": trans woman keeps clothes on, gives oral).
• Interview becomes rowdy, riffs about toothpaste, drugs, and sex.

"There’s nothing better than lines of blow and ground rules. Sure. Listen up." — Tony Hinchcliffe (42:05)

Uncle Lazer ([46:37–53:08])

• High-octane, absurd energy. Sketch about doing cocaine with Jehovah's Witnesses.
• Banter with Casey and Cam about a bad mushroom trip, being locked in a freezer at Redban’s club, milk as a cure.
• Wild storytelling (“I’m pregnant. We’re expecting a nephew!”).

Derek Dimple ([54:13–65:21])

• Substitute teaching material with edgy undertones.
• Reveals he’s a professional sperm donor — details of “spunking for dollars” at $110 a pop.
• Panel tries to quantify, in comedic detail, the mechanics of sperm donation, donation pay, and audience incredulity.

“How much do you get paid for that?”
“$110 per pop.”— Brian & Derek (63:12–63:14)

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Roman Schmidt ([65:51–79:13])

• Dairy farm upbringing, Mario Kart allegiances (Yoshi/Luigi), and jokes about social workers/prostitution confusion.
• Most notable: described being the designated "shooter" in school shooting drills—telling, controversial story about firing blanks during a drill at his rural Wisconsin high school.
• Panel (esp. Casey) riffs on "school’s out for summer" catchphrases.

“It was the first time I had that kind of, like, powerful feeling, you know?” — Roman Schmidt (77:18)

Isaiah Pichardo ([80:06–91:15])

• Only his fourth time on stage, drove straight from Indiana to Austin after watching Kill Tony the night before.
• Edgy, very dark/opening jokes about women who "fall asleep" on their babies, and personal material about his mother leaving when he was 12.
• Panel psychoanalyzes him, ties mother issues to dark humor, pushes him to workshop material.

Jacob Kantor ([92:12–95:37])

• Tour guide in Dallas (JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald angle), jokes about Uber driving and conspiracy theory.
• Very short, efficient material; reveals new relationship with fellow comic Sagan Butler.

Luke Nukem ([96:51–100:02])

• Wine/women analogy run; "women are like wine, I can’t afford it." Edges toward trafficking punchline.
• Talks music, gives an impromptu original rock/blues style song.

Eddie Larsa ([100:21–103:23])

• Fat kid/diabetes/restaurant worker/self-roast jokes.
• School shooter/pedophile “unloading” punchline draws panel’s laughter.
• Shares that his parents gave him away three different times—foster system background.

Sherry Basji ([104:25–105:54])

• Only 2nd time on Kill Tony, Iranian immigrant jokes ("Iran, I ran so fast..."), women/terrorism/gay terrorist jokes.
• Strong panel praise, immediately re-booked on Redban’s Secret Show.

“Once you go Persian, you’re like, hey, nice rug.” — Sherry Basji (105:34)

Sagan Butler ([107:15–111:53])

• Jokes about being treated like a disposable Kodak camera, polygamy, and being “outnumbered” in polygamy relationships.
• Reveals she’s a single mother of four (two with special needs), postpartum doula—crowd and panel impressed with both material and background.

Hans Kim (Finale, Regular Set) ([113:01–117:30])

• One of the show’s most popular regulars closes: P. Diddy sex trafficking, being Asian in Austin, Raytheon & student protest jokes.
• Tony and the panel riff with Hans about cocaine, playing Settlers of Catan, stalking his ex, and awkwardly revealing he slept with her again.

“I promised I wouldn’t talk about it, but we had sex.” — Hans Kim (117:14)

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Notable Quotes

• “You went from Breaking Bad to making bad jokes. Science.” — Brian Redban to Remy Swiss ([18:14])
• “I'm not gay. Nothing gay about that. Totally.” — Solomon Kraft, after discussing a threesome with a trans woman ([43:54])
• “Keep your clothes on. Suck my d*ck, let’s go. Your rules are absolutely incredible—this is like the XFL or something!" — Tony Hinchcliffe to Solomon ([43:17])
• “$110 per pop.” — Derek Dimple, professional sperm donor ([63:14])
• “How big are your loads, man?” — Brian Redban, riffing on sperm donation ([62:28])
• “I got a brand for myself.” — A Armstrong, about face tattoo ([25:45])
• “I was born in Japan—there was a monkey born in a tree right by my house. She had a baby at the same time my mom had me, and they let us play together.” — A Armstrong ([31:27])
• “You are like if Turtle from Entourage did meth.” — Brian Redban to A Armstrong ([33:16])
• “I'm a Goodwill intern, I help people in the computer lab.” — A Armstrong ([27:58])
• “I was the school shooter for the drill.” — Roman Schmidt ([75:20])

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Classic Kill Tony: Irreverent, edgy, overwhelmingly high-energy.
• Panel Chemistry: With all regulars as panelists, a sense of inside jokes and friendly roasting—the trio engage more deeply with the comedians and with each other.
• Raw, Unfiltered: Newer comics’ nerves, wild stories, and darker material are pushed and explored with little censorship.
• Showcase for Regulars: The episode puts the growth, wit, and chemistry of William Montgomery, Cam Patterson, and Casey Rocket on display.
• Recurring Themes: Comedy hustle, childhood trauma, addiction, sexuality, and the struggles/motivation of young stand-ups.

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Memorable Moments & Timestamps

• Bucket Bizarre explanation (03:19)
• Casey Rocket’s first time as full panelist (06:54)
• David Jolly’s wild PBS/Ms. Frizzle routine + birthday riffing (08:04–15:43)
• Solomon Kraft’s trans/Germany story (41:14–43:17)
• A Armstrong’s monkey childhood story and impersonation (31:27–32:27)
• Derek Dimple on sperm donation logistics and pay (62:01–63:14)
• Roman Schmidt as "drill school shooter" (75:20–77:18)
• Isaiah Pichardo’s entire journey—driving direct from Indiana (81:29–85:00)
• Sherry Basji’s “Once you go Persian...” punchline (105:34)
• Hans Kim’s closing bit + honesty about stalking/sleeping with his ex (113:01–117:26)

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Final Thoughts & Context

The episode showcased the breadth, grit, and unpredictability of the Austin stand-up scene, how the regulars have grown into riff machines, and gave an array of newer and fascinating voices a moment in the ring. The rough-and-ready essence of Kill Tony was on maximum display, blending jaw-dropping comedy stories, real-life trauma, and pure off-the-cuff joy.

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For more shows, comics on tour, merch, and the Killers of Kill Tony tour, visit the regulars’ socials or killtony.tv.

Transcript

[Brian Redban]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony

[Derek Dimple]

Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliffe.com everything Golden

[Brian Redban]

Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliffe.com if you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to Death Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Rat coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hexglin. Who's ready for the best fucking evening of their lives, huh? Here we go. You made it. Indeed. To the number one live podcast in the world. Make some noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Brought to you by Game Time, Liquid Death Connect, Mobile Health, a bunch of great sponsors. Amazing stuff. How about a hand for the best damn band in the land, huh? My goodness gracious. Fernando Castile, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez, the great and powerful mutilator. Matt Muhling on the electric guitar. Carter Arrington joining on a very special electric guitar. And of course, the great and powerful D Madness here on the bass. A lot of fun stuff coming right up. Before we start, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's show? How many of you watch every episode every week? Well, you're in for a treat. This is a very, very, very special episode. We've done this before, but not with exactly these three human beings because everything has changed. Everything has evolved. I present to you a bucket bizarre episode where we will get many bucket pulls out. More than normal. Because your three guests tonight are the three regulars of Kill Tony here the entire episode. I present William Montgomery Camp Patterson and Casey Rocket. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. The boys. Our sweet, sweet boys. William Montgomery, Cam Patterson. And the one and only Casey motherfucking Rocket. Yippee. Nobody knows the show better than these three gentlemen. William, hall of famer, record holder for most appearances on the show in the show's history. How are you doing tonight, my sweet William? Tony, I didn't know if we were allowed to touch the microphones.

[Casey Rocket]

Yet?

[Brian Redban]

No, I'm doing good. I was in St. Louis this past weekend and it took me 15 hours to get back yesterday. And I took an airplane. I didn't even drive.

[Casey Rocket]

It was 15 hours.

[Brian Redban]

You had layovers.

[Casey Rocket]

Layover city.

[Brian Redban]

Yesterday you took a. You took the cheapest flight you could find, didn't you? Yes. Very thrifty man. William is a little behind the scenes information for you. 15 hours worth of layovers, that's like a two and a half hour direct flight. But you wanted. What was. How much did you pay for your ticket? I think I paid like $100 or something. So it was very cheap. But. So you saved about $5 an hour from buying the direct flight. That's good work. Town international Superstar. Savings about $75 in sacrifice of 10 hours. That's absolutely incredible. The great and powerful Cam Patterson is here, ladies and gentlemen. The man, the myth, the legend. Always rocking a brand new white T shirt. Life is good, Cam. How you feeling? Good, man. I'm happy to be back on the panel, man. I'm excited. This absolutely always fun. We always have fun together. And his first time on panel, ladies and gentlemen. Crazy to see him sitting still. This is the one and only Casey Rocket, everybody. There he is. Live in the flesh. There he is. There. There he is. That's the guy. I know Casey. Very uncomfortable. It'll be fun. It'll be okay.

[Sagan Butler]

Right, Cam?

[Roman Schmidt]

Ok.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. We're good. I love it. Sitting still is the equivalent to like a bad mushroom trip for Casey. We're gonna be okay, right? I can do this. It's okay. We're gonna have fun tonight. You guys know how the show works. An entire giant bucket of comedians has signed up for tonight's festivities. I pre pull one of these names and they go wrangle them from the bar across the street and that's that. The rest is history. You guys ready to start tonight's show? Oh, yeah. How could I forget? I've been doing this 11 and a half years. Jesus Christ. They get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry of us. Hollywood bear. Who's ready to start tonight's show? Huh? Getting tonight's show started. America's favorite uncle. You know him, you love him. Make some noise for David Jolley, ladies and gentlemen.

[David Jolly]

How y' all doing tonight?

[Brian Redban]

White people in Puerto Rico.

[Roman Schmidt]

Hell yeah.

[David Jolly]

Today my birthday, I just turned 43 and hell yeah, I realized we get generation Z like a lot of shit. You know what I mean? Cause y' all was raised, like, on the Internet and stuff. We ain't had the Internet growing up. You know who raised us? It was pbs. And we ain't had no business watching that shit either. Remember the magic school bus? Everybody on that bitch was on acid. That bitch. Me and Frizzle. One number, the goddamn hippie. Man, I bet that bitch had a bush on that beaver. Bushy beaver bitch. She ain't teach them kids nothing. I ain't seen no syllabus, no notebook, no nothing. All they doing is flying in and out of frogs, assholes all damn day. Get your freaky ass out of here, Ms. Frizzle. Then they gave us the gay agenda. Nothing against gay people, but we were too young to know about gay people at that age. Remember the first gay couple on pbs, Burt and Ernie? Them niggas was homosexuals. The real kind, too, with the dick in the booty. You know what I mean? The real fucking kind. I remember one episode they had Ernie on there, right? He got a rubber ducky. He just having a good old time. He go burp freak ass, then bust in the bathroom. Hey, Ernie. Hey. Hey, how you doing there, big boy? You got a lot of muscles on you, don't you? Yeah. Need a little help with that lower back. Then they cut the commercial. All you hear? Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

You little twink. Yeah, all right. I'm sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Thank apologizing to the streets of Sesame. David Jolly with a brand new minute and a half to get it started. We sent the bear away. We wanted to hear where you were going with this Burton, Ernie Gay joke. Absolutely fun. Incredible stuff. Stuff. Thank you, David. How do you feel?

[David Jolly]

I feel good.

[Brian Redban]

It's really your birthday? It's your 43rd birthday right now.

[David Jolly]

Oh, yeah, my bad. I forgot about the microphone.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you're on a. You're on the show.

[David Jolly]

Forgot about that part.

[Brian Redban]

Someone's back on crack again. You got to love to see it.

[David Jolly]

Get your ass out of here, man. You that Tony?

[Brian Redban]

You are the oldest looking 43 year old I've ever seen in my entire life. Just to let you.

[David Jolly]

Hey, you only got six months.

[Brian Redban]

No, it's. You better get that Botox two months before. I'm 40, not 43.

[David Jolly]

No, I'm just saying.

[Brian Redban]

But, you know, y'. All.

[David Jolly]

Y' all white people's skin be horrible as hell. You got about three months.

[Brian Redban]

You look 75. Shut the. Yes, you do. You look like David Jolly's grandfather, white lady.

[David Jolly]

I look pretty good on him. I bet y' All. Can one of you white women out here?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[David Jolly]

I might one of them. It's my birthday too. Oh, I'm doing that for Martin Luther King, Mother.

[Brian Redban]

Damn. Patterson do that with Malcolm X.

[David Jolly]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Casey Rocket]

We should find one for him to. Nah, man.

[David Jolly]

No, I don't need no help.

[Brian Redban]

He'll find his own. Yeah, find his own.

[David Jolly]

I might have to rent one. Get real out here. It's my birthday.

[Brian Redban]

Happy birthday. Okay, thank you, Red. Jesus Christ. The old demented birthday song. Where did you find that? The creepiest soundboard, I bet. What is that? Happy birthday.

[David Jolly]

Special ed kids. There's some slow kids hanging out. Getting slow as hell with helmets on.

[Brian Redban]

How have you been? How have you been celebrating so far?

[David Jolly]

I just got out of a plane, you know, I'm just chilling, you know, we hanging out, man. We had the greatest comedy club in the world, you know. Yeah, that's enough celebration enough. You know, we hanging that.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[David Jolly]

That's it. You know, the usual. Probably do some jokes in the little boy tonight. You know how it roll.

[Brian Redban]

Love the green shirt. Were you playing at the Masters?

[David Jolly]

Nah, it's a nice shirt, ain't it? I got it from the.

[Jacob Kantor]

Not a pass.

[Brian Redban]

You were playing the Masters. The face says you have a master.

[David Jolly]

That was good. Oh.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that was good. Oh, that was good. That was good. Wave face.

[David Jolly]

That was good.

[Brian Redban]

All right, that's gonna be edited out. He's laughing. It's his birthday.

[David Jolly]

It's a joke. It's a joke, man. It's a joke.

[Brian Redban]

Never called anybody slave face before, but I'm.

[David Jolly]

That was good.

[Brian Redban]

And a little comfortable tonight. It was good. It was all right. That was a good one.

[David Jolly]

I ain't have a comeback. Cause I'm high as hell, you know what I mean? So that's why I don't ever come back. I'd be like you, Tony. I don't have no comment. I'm hiding a.

[Brian Redban]

You're doing just good. What are you high on marijuana? Okay, good.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, I don't drink no more.

[Casey Rocket]

Right.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How did you replace your drinking?

[David Jolly]

You were with sweets with a whole lot of sugar. I'm pretty sure I got diabetes now.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

I'd be eating like a pint of ice cream a night. It just. I just get like the shakes. Like I be down there at sunset. I'd be in the green room with all kind of chocolate all on my face.

[Brian Redban]

Well, yeah. Red Bands Comedy club probably has a lot of sweets there. I'm guessing chocolates. Yeah. Yep. And you're also. Which is crazy because you're made of chocolate. Is correct.

[David Jolly]

Yep, yep. Chocolate 99, Hershey's. Hershey's Dark chocolate.

[Brian Redban]

That's right.

[David Jolly]

None of that white chocolate. I ain't racist. I'm just saying, no offense, white people, you know, that sounded racist. You got to watch yourself. I ain't trying to get counsel, you know.

[Brian Redban]

You guys all know David. You guys like his set tonight? What do we think? Anything crazy? I thought it was great.

[David Jolly]

Hey, thank you, man. Appreciate that.

[Roman Schmidt]

Casey.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Good to see you, brother.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

I did want to say we. A lot has happened since then, but you were talking about Ms. Frizzle's Bush.

[David Jolly]

Yes, that got a bush, Man, I'm telling you, she look like her hygiene ain't really up to date. You know what I mean?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, she's nasty. What is it because she has red hair? David, what are you trying to say? I mean, seriously, immediately, I'm thinking Ms. Fris right here.

[David Jolly]

Is that what it is? No, I mean, it's just that dress she wear every fucking episode, you know what I mean? So it ain't no way she putting no water on that goddamn Krabby Patty down there, you know what I mean?

[Brian Redban]

What's wrong with the same clothes, nigga?

[Roman Schmidt]

Huh?

[Brian Redban]

What's wrong wearing the same clothes every day?

[David Jolly]

Hey, I ain't got. Hey, man, you all right, man? I ain't got nothing to say about that. I just seen you wash them pants, though. You know what I mean? I ain't never seen that bitch put nothing in the washer. They just flying outta fucking frogs, assholes all damn day, you know what I mean?

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely.

[David Jolly]

Hey, you had some real racist shit to say right here.

[Brian Redban]

It was a good one.

[David Jolly]

You should have let it go, baby.

[Sagan Butler]

Go ahead.

[Brian Redban]

What are you talking. What are you talking about? How do you know what I have in my eyes?

[David Jolly]

I'm looking in your eyes.

[Brian Redban]

You're so high. You think you know what I'm gonna say?

[David Jolly]

All right, I'm sorry, Tony. I apologize. My bad.

[Brian Redban]

It's okay, William. Anything for David Jolly. I mean, if you want to see what her pubes look like, I could show you. After the shot right there. I could stick my penis in between

[Casey Rocket]

my leg and it looks like a redheaded girl's pussy.

[David Jolly]

Damn.

[Brian Redban]

I love you, David. Way to get the show started with the bang. Thank you so much. Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday. All right, here we go. We've pre pulled a name and your first bucket pull of the night goes by. The name of Remy S. Weiss or Remy Swiss even perhaps makes a noise for Remy 60 seconds uninterrupted for Remy Swiss mothership.

[David Jolly]

What up?

[Remy Swiss]

Hell yeah. Recently became a sugar daddy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Remy Swiss]

It's not because I'm rich, it's cause I'm pre diabetic and my nuts come out honey roasted.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

My name is Wilford Brimley and I got jizz a beatus. I got that hyperglycemian. Started dating a furry recently. Can you believe this chick? Anybody guess what kind of animal she likes to dress up as? Just guess. Great guess. No. Great guess. No. Opossum. Sean dressed up like a possum. Yeah, sex is terrible. Every time I want to bang, she just lays on the ground and plays dead till I leave her cunt. Can you believe that? Dang.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Stop listening to women two weeks ago. I'm done.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Everything they say could be argued as misinformation. Yeah, right. How come every time you put mis in front of something, it fucks it up completely? Right? Misinformation, miscalculation. Right. Now you can't say Mr. Because every time you do that it makes things cooler. Like Mr. Information, Mr. Calculation. My name's Remy Swiss. Appreciate him.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Remy Swice. Right in the nick of time. I could hear the bear inhaling to roar there. Remy, welcome to the show.

[Remy Swiss]

Thanks for having me.

[Brian Redban]

You know who else plays dead? The audience during your set. Welcome to the show, you giant sperm. Look at you.

[Remy Swiss]

Oh, you like that?

[Brian Redban]

This is incredible. How long you been doing stand up, Remy?

[Remy Swiss]

First time I did open mic was 2006.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. And then what happened? Stopped until just now.

[Remy Swiss]

Recently? Yeah. Got back into it a couple years ago and decided to move down here and see what happens.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Where'd you move from?

[Remy Swiss]

Oklahoma City. Thank you for asking.

[Brian Redban]

You're welcome for asking. You're not going to need to do that after every question I ask you. So you made the big move to do stand up. You moved to Austin for stand up comedy, Correct, sir. Okay. I love it. What do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Remy Swiss]

Well, I got a job at Tesla right now, but I was in the weed business for about five years before I came down here.

[Brian Redban]

Well, you just lost your job at Tesla.

[Remy Swiss]

What do you mean? Elon's cool. He's all about free speech.

[Brian Redban]

I know, I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. But the weed thing was something else. What'd you do in the weed business?

[Remy Swiss]

Mostly business to business sales. But I got to work in a laboratory and Make a bunch of stuff.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Remy Swiss]

Yep.

[A Armstrong]

All right.

[Remy Swiss]

Like edibles and weed pens and all kinds of stuff like that.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. A laboratory. Look at you. You went from breaking Bad to making bad jokes. Science. Okay. All right, Remy. Very, very interesting, interesting stuff. What do you do for fun? Tell us more about you.

[Remy Swiss]

I like to drive, believe it or not. Yeah, yeah, driving. I love racing and stuff like that. So if you know anybody with some fast ass cars that need to be pushed to the limit, I'd be more

[Brian Redban]

than happy to, like, yeah, I would totally love for you to drive my super fast car. There's nobody I would trust more than somebody who's making Wilford brimley references in 2024. Cam Patterson, who is that? Yeah, it's exactly. He literally hasn't done anything since you've been out of the womb. But he used to. Used to do diabetes commercials. And what was he, like the Quaker oatmeal guy or something? Right? He's like, yeah, it was all about oatmeal. Matt Muling, our senior oatmeal correspondent, knows all about oatmeal. I am interested in you. What else? What are we missing here other than fast cars? Remy, what else? What's something that's kind of like maybe you. It's like a guilty pleasure, you know?

[Remy Swiss]

I'll leave that to your imagination.

[Brian Redban]

No, no, you won't. You're on the show. You signed up.

[Remy Swiss]

No, I like to stay busy. I like to make people laugh and I like to drive a bunch. I like to travel. I mean, learn languages. How about that?

[Brian Redban]

What kind of languages do you know?

[Remy Swiss]

Well, I speak English, Arabic and Spanish and I know how to say thank you in like 12 other languages.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Hello. This and that. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

God, not impressive. Only thank you. That's it?

[Remy Swiss]

You don't need much.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, maybe it is impressive.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Casey, what do you think about this? Can you do it? Do it with the 12 months? Yeah. 12.

[Remy Swiss]

Okay.

[Casey Rocket]

Oh, you got.

[Brian Redban]

No, no, no.

[Remy Swiss]

Allow me, allow me. I gotta start, I gotta start. All right. French is merci and Farsi is mercy as well. So there's two and I'm gonna count them.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Arabic. Arabic is shukran.

[Casey Rocket]

Right.

[Remy Swiss]

German, Donkeshane. Right. Obrigado is Portuguese. Gracias is Spanish. Shishan is Chinese. Oregato is Japanese.

[Brian Redban]

Can you say I'm bombing indifferently

[Remy Swiss]

learning it right now.

[Brian Redban]

Fun, fun, fun, fun. How do normal comedy sets go for you?

[Remy Swiss]

High energy. I come out. If I have an option to go first, I like to go first.

[Brian Redban]

And like, what ethnicity are you?

[Remy Swiss]

I'm Middle Eastern by descent. Both my parents are from Jordan.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. My goodness. And you, like, you're a high energy guy. 100% high energy middle Easterner. That's incredible.

[Remy Swiss]

I'm more of an Okie than anything.

[Brian Redban]

AC Car bomb. What do you do with the energy? I don't really see you being a high energy guy. Can you give us an example of what you do? Perhaps a crab walk or something like that? Casey, you're our energy.

[Casey Rocket]

Crab walk.

[Roman Schmidt]

Do it.

[Remy Swiss]

Y' all gonna make it be. Y' all gonna make a big deal about me stealing Casey's joke.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it wasn't. Wait, but one time you said jizz a Beatties.

[Remy Swiss]

That was cool. Yeah, it means a lot. I was sitting on that one for a minute.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that was Hyper. Hyperglycemon.

[Remy Swiss]

Who's saying that? Right?

[Brian Redban]

That was funny.

[Casey Rocket]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Interesting stuff. What's your love life like?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah, it's. I go. I'm very direct these days. And if you're not trying to start a family, I'm just like. Yeah, I'm not trying to mess.

[Hans Kim]

What?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

[Brian Redban]

You just go right up to women like, can I come inside of you?

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah. 100. 100. They know I'm gonna. Girls don't want to knock them up unvaccinated, by the way.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, you look quadruple boosted. Yeah.

[Remy Swiss]

Hell yeah. All them rhinos.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, Red band has pulled up 12 different ways to say you're bombing. Yeah. Estoy fracasando. Look at the Mexicans cracking up over there. They're dying. French.

[Remy Swiss]

That was pretty good.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it's German. There you go. There you go. Stop. A sendo un fiasco.

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah, sure, I. I know those words.

[Brian Redban]

I bet you do. I bet you do. Well, we're gonna show you some mercy and get you out of here nice and quickly with a. A tiny joke buckle. Hey, look at that. You made it.

[David Jolly]

Boom.

[Brian Redban]

Congratulations. Y' all have a good night. Remy twice making his Kill Tony debut. 2006. So. What the is that? That's 17. Oh, my God. He started before me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's a year before me. Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill myself. All right, your next comedian out of the bucket. You've seen how this can go. It's not easy, folks. You just saw an 18 year veteran up here doing best minute, and now we're going to see the stylings of a. Armstrong. A. Armstrong. Oh, hell yeah.

[A Armstrong]

You know, on Kill Tony, when you sign up, you have to write your Full name. So, like, nobody believed that my name was A. The first time I signed up was at the Heb Arena. And I remember, like, she finally, like, checked my ID and she went, holy shit. Your name is A. It's the difference between a chicken fried steak and a country fried steak. A chicken fried steak is, like, breaded, and a country fried steak is inbredded. There's this dude that walks around, like, congress in front of 7:11, and I swear, every day I see him, and he only says four words, and it's like, hey, can I have a dollar? Right? So, like, I see this guy every day, and I started, like, making fun of him in front of my girlfriend, and, you know, she was like, we would laugh about it, but I felt bad about it. One day I had some money, so I decided to go see the guy and, you know, like, felt bad about making fun of him, so I'd give him a dollar. And he said different words this time. He finally said, hey, you got $2?

[Brian Redban]

Hey, Armstrong. Welcome to the show. I'm excited about this. A. How are you up here? A. I see you're very easily distracted. A must be short for ADD Yeah, I like that one. I love it. For those of you that haven't noticed, A literally has an A tattooed on his face. You want turn towards the audience, show them that? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the side that it's on.

[A Armstrong]

I'm a branding genius. Brand yourself.

[Brian Redban]

I love it.

[Casey Rocket]

Kill Danae.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, indeed. Casey Rocket. What does that shirt mean?

[A Armstrong]

Oh, it's a local band in Austin. It's called Rickshaw Billy's Burger Patrol. But people got sick of saying it, so they made a shirt like this.

[Brian Redban]

Casey is immediately becoming one of my favorite panelists ever.

[A Armstrong]

By the way, Casey's awesome.

[Brian Redban]

What the is? There's so much we have to get to A Armstrong. Let's get through it. One of the parts of your set, you said that the guy only says four words. You proceeded to say six words after that.

[A Armstrong]

I'm high as.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that's everybody's excuse tonight. Except for Remy Swiss was completely sober, Everybody.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. What are you high on today?

[A Armstrong]

Just weed. Just weed? I don't smoke weed. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What made you get a tattooed on your face?

[A Armstrong]

I really had just gone through a divorce, and I. I was a big little peep fan, and he said something.

[Brian Redban]

You were?

[A Armstrong]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I am. I am.

[A Armstrong]

He died, so he. He died.

[Brian Redban]

You a big little Pete fan? You're a white guy. Am I correct?

[A Armstrong]

I know. I love Little people.

[Brian Redban]

You're just a straight white. You're a straight white male. Am I correct?

[A Armstrong]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You're not Latino?

[A Armstrong]

Well, no, I'm half Mexican.

[Brian Redban]

Half Mexican. Okay, that makes sense. That's why only half your face is tattooed.

[A Armstrong]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. You got your white side and your left side. Oh, my goodness. What in the world do you do for a living?

[A Armstrong]

I work at the Goodwill as an intern for the corporate office.

[Brian Redban]

You're an intern?

[A Armstrong]

I am at a Goodwill, yeah. That's a.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have to pay them for that job?

[A Armstrong]

I would. It's easy.

[Brian Redban]

Wait a second. What? Did they pay you for that?

[A Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[A Armstrong]

I get paid.

[Brian Redban]

Have you been to prison before?

[A Armstrong]

No. No, no, no, no, no. I just believe in myself. I thought we covered this. We went through this already, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

What does an intern at the Goodwill office do exactly?

[A Armstrong]

I help people in the computer lab. So I help, like, homeless people find jobs and a. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[A Armstrong]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah. A fan favorite here. The debut of a Armstrong. That's amazing. How long have you lived in Austin?

[A Armstrong]

Since October.

[Brian Redban]

So, okay, where you live before that?

[A Armstrong]

Miami, Florida.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. It's all coming together now.

[A Armstrong]

Face tattoo, knuckle tattoos. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing this.

[Brian Redban]

Miami, huh? What were you doing for work in Miami?

[A Armstrong]

I was a. I worked at, like, for a company called Siemens. Don't laugh. It's a big company. It's a big company. Anyway, I was, like, air conditioning tech. I went to school for, like, five years.

[Brian Redban]

You went to school for five years for what, two years?

[A Armstrong]

To figure out I hated doing H Vac. And I like telling jokes.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. I love your energy. You seem such a nice guy. What. What else do you do? What do you do for fun?

[A Armstrong]

I really just hang around comedy clubs. All the time? Yeah, all the time.

[Brian Redban]

You get in a lot of spots?

[A Armstrong]

I'm not really, but I've made my own show, so, like, I wasn't getting booked, so I decided to start booking myself.

[Brian Redban]

That's the fucking way to do it, buddy.

[A Armstrong]

I call it the A list. It's next door.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. It's Shakespeare's.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Very cool. That's amazing. I love it. William.

[Casey Rocket]

Wait, why do you call it the A list?

[Brian Redban]

I'm kidding. You have that fucking thing on your face. I see why. Holy.

[A Armstrong]

It's short for add.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I see you already took that for your own. I love it. He's half white, half Carlos Mencia.

[A Armstrong]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, what's your love life like?

[A Armstrong]

My girl had to go To Detroit to take care of her father because he's dying. So I'm only going to be here for another month and then I'm moving up there. No, no, no. She's white.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. She's white.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah. She's beautiful.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right. Nobody. Nobody said you were dating a monster or anything like that. How long have you been with her?

[A Armstrong]

Like six months.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[A Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right. And you've been giving her that goodwill, huh?

[A Armstrong]

I'm making an impact.

[Brian Redban]

You're making a what?

[A Armstrong]

I'm making an impact.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[A Armstrong]

Sorry I lost my voice last week.

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah. Okay. How'd you lose your voice?

[A Armstrong]

Making fun of people in the back of the creek.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, shit.

[A Armstrong]

It was fun. I should have been there.

[Brian Redban]

I probably should have.

[A Armstrong]

It gets wild back there sometimes.

[Brian Redban]

I know. I know.

[A Armstrong]

I love you, Rebecca.

[Brian Redban]

Rebecca's great. The creek is great. We love everybody. Wow. Tell us, like, what's the craziest thing that's happened to you in your life? You seem so interesting. You seem like you've really.

[A Armstrong]

Well, I was born in Japan, so I started out in an interesting.

[Brian Redban]

Do you know how to say thank you in Japanese?

[A Armstrong]

I thought you covered that with Remy.

[Brian Redban]

I didn't know that one. He doesn't know how to say I'm bombing in Japanese, but he does know how to say, they're bombing us in Japanese. Okay, so tell us, you just got that? Fuck, yeah.

[A Armstrong]

It was a super dope joke.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, absolutely. Indeed, it was. So what were you saying? Interesting thing about.

[A Armstrong]

Oh, all right, all right. So I was born on an Air Force base, Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa, Japan. And at the same time, there really wasn't many kids. So there was a monkey that was born, like, in a tree right by my back fence. And she had a baby at the same time my mom had a baby and they let us play together. And that was my best friend. That was my best friend for a

[Jacob Kantor]

year and a half.

[A Armstrong]

Let's fucking go.

[Brian Redban]

An instant legend playing your best friend was a monkey the first two years of your life.

[A Armstrong]

It's true. It's true.

[Brian Redban]

I believe it. I really.

[A Armstrong]

I do a monkey impersonation. You want to see it?

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[A Armstrong]

Thank you very much.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Wow.

[A Armstrong]

We in the house tonight.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness, look at this. One of those magical Kill Tony moments.

[A Armstrong]

Can I get a golden ticket? I think I deserve it.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, there. And it all comes crashing down. Red band. Anything you want to say to this guy? No, no. Our air conditioning's fine at the sunset. Damn. Wow. If you only came out Wearing a wig on this secret show. Oh, look at that.

[A Armstrong]

I'm an old man and I still got nice.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you're like if Turtle from Entourage. I did meth. This is incredible. What a stud. Hey, Armstrong, anything else we should know about you before I throw you this

[A Armstrong]

buck, Man, I love Austin. This is my city. I love.

[Brian Redban]

God damn right. Anything else for a Armstrong panel? We good? Casey? One thing you kind of glossed over. He said, I've never been to prison. I just believe in myself. Which is a great line. That's awesome.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How did I miss that? You are spot on. What did you mean by that exactly?

[A Armstrong]

I had explained to you that I believe in myself. That's why I tattooed my name on my face.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I love it.

[A Armstrong]

It's a branding idea that.

[Brian Redban]

I love that you have other tattoos. What do your hands say?

[A Armstrong]

You.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A Armstrong]

Exclamation mark.

[Brian Redban]

God damn. I can't believe you have three words tattooed on your hands like that.

[A Armstrong]

I got a tattoo for free. It's Miss Piggy frying bacon, and it says, don't judge me. You want to see it?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wow. Casey, why is it so big? It's so big. It's huge.

[A Armstrong]

It hurt like a.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Well, hey, Armstrong, you know, you're a real person. It's unbelievable the different shapes and sizes of people that we get in here. I like your style. You seem like a genuinely cool guy. It's amazing to think that you've come this far being raised by monkeys and whatnot. I like style. Here's a big joke book. Congratulations on a great Kil Tony debut. That is the arrival of a Armstrong. How about a hand for the band, huh? Keep it going for your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, Solomon Kraft. Here is Solomon Kraft.

[Solomon Kraft]

I've been clean for two months now. Thanks. By clean, I mean I'm not using fluoride toothpaste. Yeah, I used to be a real degenerate. This one time I was driving drunk across a bridge and I thought it'd be funny. They hit every single construction zone cone with my car. The next day, I woke up in a panic. I was like, fuck. Then I thought it wasn't the booze that caused this reckless behavior. It's because I brushed my teeth with Crest this morning. Another time, I was in Colombia on a three day coke bender and these ladies wanted more money. I refused, so they beat the shit out of me. The cops got involved. It wasn't very good. And it wasn't because I had gripping addiction problems. It was because I brushed my teeth with Crest that morning. That's why every time I'm having sex with a girl and she looks up at me and stops and says, did you just come inside me? I'm like, oh, shit, babe, Sorry. I brushed my Tifa fluoride this morning.

[Roman Schmidt]

Thanks.

[Solomon Kraft]

That's my time.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Solomon Kraft. Is it Kraft or Krat?

[Casey Rocket]

Kraft.

[Solomon Kraft]

Like macaroni and cheese.

[Brian Redban]

Gotcha. Yep. Welcome to the show, Solomon. How long you been doing stand up?

[Solomon Kraft]

Three weeks. Just moved here.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. You started here in Austin?

[Casey Rocket]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

And where'd you move from? A fucking canoe in the Bahamas or something.

[Solomon Kraft]

Somewhat accurate. I've been on a month long or a year long motorcycle trip through South America, so I just got back here.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. You look like a guy that's been on a year long motorcycle trip through South America.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How's that been going for you?

[Solomon Kraft]

It was going pretty good. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

With some crazy shit that you saw. How many times did you get robbed?

[Solomon Kraft]

Actually, I got robbed zero times. But like I said, I did get beat up by some escorts in Colombia. Yeah, Some stuff like that.

[Brian Redban]

Like women.

[Solomon Kraft]

Women escorts? Yep.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. So how did that go down?

[Solomon Kraft]

Well, I was. It was sober for a month, Right. I've been going in and out of sobriety and I was like, let's do a month long sober in Medellin, Colombia, which is kind of hard. And then I broke sobriety and went on a three day coke bender. And these escorts beat the shit out of me.

[Brian Redban]

Why did they decide to beat the shit out of me?

[Solomon Kraft]

Because they wanted more money. And I was like, I'm not gonna give you more money. You guys should leave. And then they got aggressive. They wanted me to leave the apartment. And I knew if I left the apartment with them, I would have gotten robbed or killed. So I stayed in and they started hitting me.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, so with their fists?

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah, yeah, with their fists.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, there on the back side of your head.

[Solomon Kraft]

On the head? Yeah. Chest?

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. My good. How big were they?

[Solomon Kraft]

Oh, they were much smaller than me. Not their thighs and ass. But was it everything else? What's that?

[Brian Redban]

Was it hot at all?

[Solomon Kraft]

I was. Yeah, I was panicking. I was panicking. Like I said, the cops got involved,

[Brian Redban]

but only three days of a coke bender in Colombia.

[Solomon Kraft]

Only three days.

[Brian Redban]

You look like you've only been off a coke bender in Colombia for three days.

[Solomon Kraft]

It's accurate.

[Brian Redban]

It is absolutely incredible. Do you play musical instruments with a face and head like that?

[Solomon Kraft]

No, I do not. I Wish at all.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have any special skills or talents?

[Solomon Kraft]

Not in the musical nature, no.

[Brian Redban]

What. What other nature might you have talents in?

[Solomon Kraft]

I. I don't know. I spent six years in the Navy. I was in special warfare. Naval Special warfare. So I drove the boats for the seals and stuff like that.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Where did you drive the boats?

[Solomon Kraft]

At Stannis, Mississippi. So that's where all the river boats are.

[Brian Redban]

You were. You were fighting wars in Mississippi?

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. Wow. Yep. My goodness. What's the craziest thing that happened out there on the bayous of Mississippi?

[Solomon Kraft]

Nothing crazy on the bayou, but I did do two deployments, and I thought I was going to go to, like, Iraq or Afghanistan, but I went to Dominican Republic and Thailand, So I had 14 months of vacation time. It's pretty good.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. This is crazy, because you're kind of fulfilling. Exactly the. Like, the jokes that I made about you when I first started talking to you. I canoe in fucking Bahamas, and you were on a naval ship in Thailand. And we were in.

[Solomon Kraft]

On land. So we bring the boats. We're on. On land the whole time.

[Hans Kim]

Okay.

[Solomon Kraft]

So we're with, like, the Army Green Berets, the Thai Green Berets.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. So in Thailand. Any ladyboy action there?

[Solomon Kraft]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Tell us about that. Let's get into that a little bit. Let's talk about it.

[Solomon Kraft]

So I knew this would come up, so I didn't. I didn't do any.

[Brian Redban]

Did you bring a presentation of something?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

So

[Solomon Kraft]

guy in the back, if you can bring out the presentation. No. So I didn't. A few of us did mess around with some lady boys in Thailand. I won't mention their names, but since I'm up here, when I was in Germany, I did mess around with a trans woman.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, let's talk about that.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah. So again, cocaine was involved and alcohol. I went to a whorehouse in Munich, Germany, and I was with this nice, fine young lady from Italy or something. And then this trans, transgender lady comes over, and she's like, can I come too? And I was like, no, no, no, no. And then I went back.

[Brian Redban]

You could tell that she was transgender? Yeah.

[Solomon Kraft]

No, you could tell, but she looked very feminine. She was very beautiful.

[Brian Redban]

How could you tell if she looked very feminine and very beautiful?

[Solomon Kraft]

Just like the Adam's apple, you know, some of the jawline, like.

[Brian Redban]

But you were with a beautiful Italian girl, you said. And you were leaving. The trans German girl says, can I go with you?

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah.

[Solomon Kraft]

She wanted to do a threesome. And at first I was like, no. But then I went in the room, snorted a couple lines of coke, and I was like, hey, let's get that girl back.

[Brian Redban]

Right? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So that's not even a three song. It's kind of a foursome. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like having a chick. A chick and another dude.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And you. Yeah, That's a lot. That's a lot of parties. Two sets of tits, two sets of dicks. It's a wild threesome. That's the. The math on. That is insane.

[Solomon Kraft]

I lost count.

[Brian Redban]

So, yeah, absolutely. So you're sucking her, And then what happens?

[Solomon Kraft]

So I laid down some ground rules

[Brian Redban]

when she came back, when I. Yeah, of course. Nothing better than lines of blow and ground rules. Sure. Listen up.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah, no, I said. I was like, hey, listen. I was like, you keep your clothes on. All right, this is.

[Brian Redban]

Let me just say, this is the greatest disguise I've ever seen Uncle Laser do in my entire life. This is absolutely insane. Incredible that we found Uncle Laser's Colombian cousin. That's exactly what he would do. I don't know what you want me

[Casey Rocket]

to say here, Tony, but I.

[Brian Redban]

We were having a good old time. It was a good old time. Relax. Okay, so keep going with the story. I'm sorry to keep interrupting, but you're a little thunderball of entertainment here.

[Solomon Kraft]

So she came in. I was like, like, okay, listen, keep your clothes on. You can wait.

[Brian Redban]

This is one of your ground rules. Keep your clothes on.

[Solomon Kraft]

Because I didn't want to be like, she takes it off. And they're like, oh, no, you're actually a guy and be turned off. So I was like, you got the. The real girl can take her clothes off, that stuff.

[Brian Redban]

And then you didn't let her even take her top off, the woman part. Did she have boobs?

[Solomon Kraft]

She did, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

She had fake boobs?

[Solomon Kraft]

I believe so.

[Brian Redban]

Or like medically induced boobs of some.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah, something like that.

[Brian Redban]

But you told her, keep that top on.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yep. So. And, yeah, she sucked me off, so.

[Brian Redban]

And then what? Hey, hey. It's a cocaine. This is unbelievable. It's like, okay, here's some ground rules. Keep your clothes on. Suck my dick, let's go. Your rules are absolutely incredible. This is like the XFL or something like that. Like, what was wrong with the girl's mouth? Mouth? You know, like the female's mouth. Yeah. What was up with the beautiful Italian girl? She's just watching, like, medical Vespucci.

[Solomon Kraft]

No, I think we're, like, making out.

[Brian Redban]

Well, yeah, right? You're making out. You're like, totally a woman.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Solomon Kraft]

I'm not gay.

[Brian Redban]

Right? Not gay at all. Nothing gay about that. Totally. Got to keep everyone's clothes on every. Everyone knows that if the clothes are on, it ain't gay. William Montgomery, I am just so curious. Were you using Crest at this time? Pressed toothpaste.

[Casey Rocket]

That's all I was thinking about.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Was this all happening on the bed, or did you take her for a floor ride? Hello. Hello. These are toothpaste jokes. Hell, yeah. You didn't see her butt at all. The old Colgate Two more toothpaste trans jokes. Not easy. Gotta write them now. Did not have these prepared. Not easy at all. So gent up. Seeing her tube.

[Solomon Kraft]

Negative on the transgender girl?

[Brian Redban]

No. So her clothes stayed on the whole time?

[Solomon Kraft]

They did, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And then you and the Italian girl. Did you guys have sex in front of the trans German?

[Derek Dimple]

It's.

[Solomon Kraft]

It gets pretty blurry from the half, like, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You got butt, dude. You got butt. Welcome to another episode of you got butt fucked. There it is. There's red bands, three fart sound effects for this episode. A very special blasting off for Solomon Craft. Very, very interesting. Now, Solomon, before we let you go, anything else crazy we should know about you? I mean, I feel like there's probably a fucking plethora.

[Solomon Kraft]

Yeah, no, I mean, there's a ton of stories and stuff, but, yeah, no, it's. I've been here for three weeks. I've been having.

[Brian Redban]

So let me tell you, your minute was a little bit fucking lackluster. I'm sure the nerves got to you a bit. You've really loosened up since being here. Your interview was incredible. Fun times. Here's a big joke book. You saved it with the interview.

[David Jolly]

Thanks.

[Brian Redban]

Sign up again. Sign up again. You know, normally I would go to the bucket at this point, but since in a wild, wild, strange turn of events, the bucket of destiny has guided us in a direction where I do indeed right now get to introduce Solomon Crafts, long lost country cousin, here with a brand new minute. This is Uncle Lazer.

[Casey Rocket]

Y' all ever try to get the Jehovah Witness boys to do cocaine with y' all at the front door? You know, the Jehovah's right. They travel in tandem. They pull up to her yard and they're huffing mountain bikes, the finest silks from the J.C. penneys, singing songs and praising their Lord, Tom Cruise. Yeah. And I'm like, listen, Ezekiel, okay? I don't give a fuck about the guy from Mission Impossible. Do you want to go polish off last night's eight ball with me. Ezekiel stepped up the challenge. We stayed up all night in my garage, so the sun came up. Talking about, you know, the Underground Railroad and how it was actually underground the whole time, you know, Right that morning when he got on that bicycle and bid me a goodbye, he had the best bike ride of his life to the top of that damn hill. But colors were brighter, the air tasted sweeter. He must have got confident. He must have let Jesus take the wheel, because on the way down through that hill, he blew past a stop sign and he got hit by a Greyhound bus. The Lord works in mysterious ways. My name's Uncle Lazer.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, Uncle Lazer, with a brand new minute. Uncle Lazer, how's it going?

[Casey Rocket]

You know, fucking. Throwing fucking bad dick at even worse people. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Redban]

That's right. There he goes. Reach out for his Zen. What do you guys think? Casey, are you sad? Are you sad? Sad? Good question. Are you sad? You do seem a little bit down.

[Casey Rocket]

Listen, guys, I was in Chicago this past weekend, and after the show, I stumbled into a McDonald's, and I saw a nice young lady sitting under a picture of Grimace at the fall of Berlin.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Casey Rocket]

And I sat down next to her, stroke up a little conversation with her. Next thing I know, she tells me she's got a couple rocks for sale. One thing leads to another, and we get to her house. She's one of them Midwestern gals, big meat and potato kind of gal, right? The rocks end up being crack. We made endless love all night. She kept going, don't stop. Don't stop. And at one point, all I could

[Brian Redban]

say was,

[Casey Rocket]

I ain't ever gonna stop.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Casey Rocket]

And then as I came, I wasn't even with a woman. I was actually jerking off to Tony Inchcliffe's vanity magazine cover. My Lord.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Derek Dimple]

What a treat.

[Brian Redban]

That was unbelievable.

[Casey Rocket]

No, I'm doing great. Casey,

[Brian Redban]

he pre wrote a joke that hit all of us in his head.

[Casey Rocket]

I wrote it in the green room. I was gonna do it up here, but I was like, ah. I never ran it. But before, I was like, it.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, there you go. Look at you out here taking chances.

[Casey Rocket]

I'm actually gay.

[Brian Redban]

We believe you. We believe you. We already knew that. There was a guy up here before you that was with. With a full set of powerful hair and beard, talking about doing blow and trans people, and it was like, you.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, well, I gave that up for lint. Ever since I joined that. Ever since I joined that Mormon community or Jehovah Witnesses or Whatever they are.

[Brian Redban]

You guys all know Uncle Laser. Cam, hit him with dog, man. We locked in, man. Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

You want to tell them about it or what?

[Brian Redban]

Don't say it like that. That's not. Hey, that. That sounds insane. You want to tell them about what we were talking about? You want to talk about it? I think we should talk about crazy, bro. Me and uncle did mushrooms a couple weeks ago. We got locked in the elevator for 15 minutes and. Oh, well, you need to tell them

[Casey Rocket]

the proper way, cuz.

[Brian Redban]

Go ahead, Uncle Lee.

[Casey Rocket]

Everybody's going to thank you that nobody

[Brian Redban]

knows how to take a 20 second story and make it four minutes. Sorry you. Uncle Laser. Let's do it, Cam.

[Casey Rocket]

Everybody's gonna think I gave Cam the mushrooms. He gave me the mushrooms as I'm driving and he took less than me and gave me more. And I take mushrooms in public all the time. It's fine. But these are drug.

[A Armstrong]

These.

[Casey Rocket]

These were different. Yeah, were they not they us up.

[Brian Redban]

I heard. I kind of heard about this. Yeah, we all have the same barber. Oh, yeah, he was there. Yeah, he told me about that.

[Casey Rocket]

You wanna. You wanna film?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, I got the very short version of the story. My barber knows that I don't like to talk much while getting my hair.

[Casey Rocket]

That's a good man. That's. He's my favorite.

[Brian Redban]

I like to look at my.

[Casey Rocket]

Well, so we're trimming balls in the green room with jelly room. Cam won't sit still. And I'm like, dude, they're gonna know we're on this. And he goes, we need milk, man. And I said, Cam kept going, we need milk, man.

[Derek Dimple]

We need milk.

[Casey Rocket]

And he's pacing and then Jelly roll walks in and he's like, what's up, fellas? And I'm like, I'm not gonna lie to you, man. We shouldn't be here. I said, we took too many. Cam's like, we need milk. I said, we need to go home, Cam.

[Brian Redban]

That's all I thinking about. Nigga, give me now, bro. All I need right now is milk. Is milk supposed to make the mushrooms chill out or something?

[Eddie Larsa]

That's what I heard.

[Brian Redban]

But now look, it was a lie. Didn't happen. It didn't help at all. Yeah, we took the miss at 9:30, I think. I think we was on the business

[Casey Rocket]

till about 3, 4 in the morning.

[Brian Redban]

In the morning? Oh, they me up, dog. We went to the cooler at sunset. We was in the. Was in the green room.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, he kept sitting in the freezer. Yeah, you kept sitting in the Freezer.

[Brian Redban]

You kept sitting in the freezer.

[Casey Rocket]

He's just sitting in the freezer.

[Brian Redban]

Freezer. Oh, yelling at.

[Casey Rocket]

Yelling at white women going, hey, ma'.

[Brian Redban]

Am.

[Casey Rocket]

Just like screaming. I'm like, game Guy, stop.

[Brian Redban]

There was white women.

[Casey Rocket]

Just, you know, some of the waitress

[Brian Redban]

I was collecting white women in the green.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, he had the door open from the freezer. He just wanted to be in the freezer.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. This is Red Band's establishment, everybody. For those of you wondering, wow, where can I get a delicious beverage from that place? When I wonder what the. Wonder what the cleanliness is like of that. The freezer white one, you know, so they're fine.

[Casey Rocket]

Corner pocket.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. So how does this end? What are you guys doing at four in the morning while coming down from a mushroom trip?

[Casey Rocket]

You want to tell them why you

[Brian Redban]

keep saying it like that? It sound like. It sound fucking insane when you say

[David Jolly]

it like that, man.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, Cam, I got some milk. You just got. You just got to work for it a little. Little bit. Close your eyes. Suck it out of this tube. Oh, your lips are still cold from the freezer. God damn.

[A Armstrong]

Holy.

[Brian Redban]

This is the cold, coldest. The ice job. Okay, so how does it end? How does the story end?

[Casey Rocket]

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.

[Brian Redban]

We're expecting a nephew. Laser on the way.

[Remy Swiss]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Well, Laser, fun times. You got a new minute out. You've been wanting to do this for a while. Here you go. You did it again. You're in the. In the universe. Thank you, Laser. Of course, Uncle Laser out there on tour. Catch him, uncle laser. Comedy.com for tickets. And back to the bucket we go. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? Am I right, people? What a this goddamn sausage fest of a show we have here. A glimpse of light. All right, back to the bucket. We know this young man, very, very goofy. Goofy looking comedian that's been on the show a few times. Here is the long return of Derek Dimfel, everybody. Derek Dimple.

[Derek Dimple]

That's right. Class, listen up. It's substitute teacher time. I used to be a substitute teacher and now I'm a substitute comedian. I came here to do two things. Tell jokes and explain Coulomb's law. And I am all out of jokes. Substitute teaching wasn't as difficult as I thought until I realized I could just give anyone a bathroom pass. I'd send half the class to the bathroom if it made my life easier. Assistant principal would come in. I'd be like, I don't know what happened. That's Right. I have a voice like Michael Cera, Kermit the Frog, and Jordan B. Peterson had a baby. Some untoward things would happen while I was subbing. Kids would tell me to suck their dick to my face. Is that really what you want, Carlos? With everything that's in the news? I know what I look like, and I fit the profile. I look like I'm about to shoot up this school, but I will shoot ropes all over you. I know I'm a substitute, but I'm no sub. I will fuck you in the ass, you little twerk ol. Sped Sheeran's gonna play a little ditty on your prostate.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Derek. Dimple.

[Derek Dimple]

Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Is it dimple or Dimple?

[Derek Dimple]

Dimple.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Dimple. D, I, M, P, F, L. Oh, wow.

[Derek Dimple]

You have beautiful eyes.

[Brian Redban]

That is unbelievable. Four consonants in a row. Me? Yeah, you've seen me many times.

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah, I know. You got these Tom Cruise eyes. They just, like, blast a laser right through my face.

[Brian Redban]

Tom Cruise eyes? What the. Jesus Christ, Derek, thank you. Obviously, you've had time to prepare since your last appearance on the show. You've been planning on telling me I have beautiful eyes.

[Derek Dimple]

No, it just came out.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, look at that. Fresh off of nibbling on a little boy's ear at a snooker tournament in England this week.

[Derek Dimple]

Hey, no, I sent him away with a bathroom pass. I didn't say any of that.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Derek, you did really, really good, according to the audience here tonight. I didn't think it was that funny, but you. You did really good with the crowd. I will say, I don't know how it translated to the Internet.

[Derek Dimple]

I may be autistic, but I love eye contact. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Brian Redban]

All right. You've been working hard, huh? How long you been doing stand up now?

[Derek Dimple]

Three years now. Almost to the day.

[Brian Redban]

Right? Three years. And I remember you from. From way back, right? You've been at all the Kill Tony locations.

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah, my first signup was kill Tony 500 with over at the Paramount. Yeah, I was nine days into comedy at that point.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. Look at you now out here working beats on these people. Have you felt like you've been getting better? Okay, there you go. All right. Obviously, that's a trick you got up your sleeve there. A lot of, like, Kermit reference references. Kermit, Miss Piggy, Muppet references tonight. And then you get pulled out of the bucket. It's absolutely incredible. Derek, what do you do for work?

[Derek Dimple]

I am a sperm donor.

[Brian Redban]

What? Oh, God. Our future is Cam Patterson. That should be illegal. Yeah,

[Derek Dimple]

a lot of surprise. Little ginger chatterbox is going to be popping up around the world.

[Brian Redban]

You're not a ginger, dude. Holy.

[Casey Rocket]

What the.

[Brian Redban]

What do you call a white guy that tries to be a ginger?

[Casey Rocket]

A piece of idiot.

[Brian Redban]

You're not a ginger.

[Casey Rocket]

You have, like, blonde hair or something. It's fine.

[David Jolly]

But just so you know.

[Derek Dimple]

It's just everyone calls me a ginger

[Brian Redban]

because the beard, but like, ginger. Okay, but a ginger. I know. Like a white guy that tries to be black is.

[Casey Rocket]

Oh, no, that one, brother.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yes. Yes, you do. It's. It's a ninja. No,

[Derek Dimple]

I think the term is neighbor.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no, I don't want to call it a wigger, but. Right. Yes, but is there a word for. I'm asking you, William, is there a word for a white guy with light brown hair that tries to be a ginger? Is it a winger?

[Jacob Kantor]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right. A winger. Welcome to. Welcome to my inner improv course. Ladies and gentlemen, Casey Rocket Cam. Did she say a ninja? Was that your guess? I was confused. I didn't know what he wanted me to say. I don't know. A ninja. It's a crazy guest. I'm still blowing. Let you get sperm into people, bro. Yeah. Oh. How is that possible that you're qualified to do that? What is the testing regimen for a man to have to donate sperm?

[Derek Dimple]

Not rigorous.

[Brian Redban]

Right. They're not concerned about you when you come in looking like you?

[Derek Dimple]

No. I guess they're desperate for cum.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Wow.

[Derek Dimple]

I walked into the office and the intake lady, she was like, really good looking, but she had, like, lip filler work done. And I was thinking like, oh, no, they want expensive jizz, but they took mine. So.

[Brian Redban]

Now let me ask, did they keep you posted on, like, hey, you've got like, 15 kids out there now.

[Derek Dimple]

Oh, well, I did tick the box that when they're 18, they can come say hi.

[Brian Redban]

Are you serious?

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah. I'm rolling the dice.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Derek Dimple]

It might be the only way I can have kids. Shut the fuck up.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have to. Do they pay you pay extra for that, or you just did that for free?

[Derek Dimple]

No, I volunteered.

[Brian Redban]

You're talking about checking the box? Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Like, why would you ever do that unless they paid extra? I mean, you got. I kind of want to lose. Right. They can't come after you for money or anything like that or whatever.

[Derek Dimple]

I kind of like myself. I think I'm a likable person.

[Brian Redban]

And if they did, I mean, can you imagine 18 years from now, some person coming up to you being like, hey, you're my dad. Can I have some money? And you're like, did your mom tell you how I was making money? Like I jizzed in a cup for a living?

[Derek Dimple]

Just do what I did, son.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Unbelievable. He's like, I'm a substitute teacher.

[Derek Dimple]

I'm also a substitute husband.

[Brian Redban]

I guess so. I guess so. What do you do for fun, Derek, when you're not doing standup?

[Derek Dimple]

Well, lately I've been really enjoying some pitch and putt golf.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Derek Dimple]

Down at Butler.

[Brian Redban]

It really is unbelievable. Another one of the fucking gems of this city. It is a super duper fucking putt putt on steroids here in Austin, Texas. Butler, pitch and putt, another fun thing to do during the day. How often do you do that?

[Derek Dimple]

About once a week. Maybe once every two weeks. I shot a 30 the other day. Par is 27 on that course.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. You shot a 30 into one of the semen cups.

[Derek Dimple]

Yes. No, I shoot more than 30 into the semen cups.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Now, when you do that, is there something that you look at? Is there? Do they let you watch porn? How does that go down? They just put you in a room. Take us through the. Take us through the process here. Well, you walk through, sit in the cooler on mushrooms.

[Remy Swiss]

Yeah.

[Derek Dimple]

Right. Keep your balls. Keep your balls on ice first. But yeah, you go back into, like a little medical examining room and there's like some cabinets and they have. They have wipes for cleanup and they have lube for doing the thing. And they have a drawer full of Hustler magazines. But I just watch porn on my phone.

[Brian Redban]

Right. That seems like that would be the move. Do they have good wifi at this place?

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah, but when I'm ambitious, I just use my imagination.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What do you think of when you use your imagination?

[Derek Dimple]

Big tits.

[Brian Redban]

That's what you're into.

[Derek Dimple]

I love big tits.

[Brian Redban]

You do? You love big tits?

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Do you like big old city boy

[Derek Dimple]

lacroix is over here. He has six nipples.

[Brian Redban]

Don't stare at me, you bastard. What the hell? None of that. None of that. Did you just say Casey has six nipples?

[Derek Dimple]

Like a rottweiler.

[Brian Redban]

What the hell? Is this true, Casey? Look, man, this isn't about me. How big are your loads, man? This isn't about me. That's a great question. Question. Let's go back. How big are you? We're bragging about how big your loads are. Do you have exceptionally large loads, big

[Derek Dimple]

enough to cover six nipples?

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Making callbacks.

[Derek Dimple]

I imagine they're average sized.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Derek Dimple]

I Don't have hyperspermia or anything like that. That's when you have, like, a re. A really huge load. But it's actually not good for getting people pregnant because there's a little bit of semen and a bunch of cum stuff, and so it. It doesn't swim too well. I read a lot online.

[Brian Redban]

How much do you get paid for that?

[Derek Dimple]

110 per pop.

[Brian Redban]

Are you serious? How many times can you do it a week?

[Derek Dimple]

Oh, every two days. You can.

[Brian Redban]

So you go back every two days and shoot a load in a cup?

[Derek Dimple]

It's how I make a living. Well, yeah, no, every two days I shoot.

[Brian Redban]

Do the other open micrs know about this? These guys. These guys are sweating bullets, postmating for eight hours a day to make $110. They're gonna. They're gonna all be like, wait, what?

[Casey Rocket]

What the.

[Brian Redban]

Wait. Jizz in a cup.

[Eddie Larsa]

Holy.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, if you're, like, driving by one, why not just go 110 bucks? 110 bucks used to be what we would work a bartending shift in Columbus, Ohio, for back in the day. Stocking shelves and wiping down bottles. And here you are, just wiping down bottle. This is absolutely fucking incredible. $110 a pop.

[Derek Dimple]

Well, ever since I couldn't keep selling beer, I had to find an alternative income source. Never mind.

[Brian Redban]

He used to sell beer in the alley. He was one of those. Oh, you were one of the back alley beer sellers. Back when we had everybody stand in the alley, I had the house. How much money were you making a week during doing that?

[Derek Dimple]

$300 every night at Kiltoni.

[Casey Rocket]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

$300. And you would go jerk off the day before that, and then 300, and then you jerk off the next day. So we're already at over $500 in three days. That's stepper money. Yeah, it is. It's unbelievable, Derek.

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah, you got to get it somehow.

[Brian Redban]

All right, well, very, very interesting stuff. Amazing that you found a way to survive like this. You have a joke book already?

[David Jolly]

I.

[Derek Dimple]

Well, you gave me a. A medium joke book, but no, I do not.

[Brian Redban]

Let's just say that you have a medium joke book.

[Derek Dimple]

It was a small one, so it means no.

[Brian Redban]

You know what? I'm gonna give you this keychain. We have a cool little Kill Tony keychain, because, again, I didn't think this set was funny. You killed with the audience. I don't know how to describe it. People like energy.

[Derek Dimple]

Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

I think there's some people on mushrooms here tonight. We Have a table table that's laughing at everything here. All right, we're gonna keep it moving along. Your next buck. You guys having fun out there? Your next bucket pool. The Bucket of Destiny. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Roman Schmidt. Roman Schmidt.

[Roman Schmidt]

So I've always wanted to commit an obscure crime, like mail fraud. Ironically, male fraud's also what my dad calls trans people. No. I was lucky enough to grow up with my dad and mom. Cause I grew up on a dairy farm, so my dad. No excuse to leave and get milk. No, I was very blessed. I do have buddies who weren't so lucky. And they had stepmoms. And they're like, she's a fucking bitch. Like, I never got that. Cause from the videos I've seen, they seem pretty cool. For the longest time, I thought social worker was a politically correct way of saying prostitute. So when I found out that my older sister was going to school to be a social worker, I was like, dad, are we okay with this? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, is grandma on board? He's like, grandma actually suggested. She thought she'd be great at it. Dirty old hat. So for three years, I thought my older sister was going to school be a whore. Turns out she's just working with him, so. Thank you. I'm Roman Schmidt.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Okay. The Kiltoni debut of Roman Schmidt.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Hello. How are you? It's so nice to meet one of Derek's young children, Roman. How old are you?

[Roman Schmidt]

22.

[Brian Redban]

22 years old. You live here now?

[Roman Schmidt]

I just moved here, like, five months ago.

[Brian Redban]

Five months ago. From Wisconsin, correct? Madison.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah. That's where I was doing stand up. I'm from a small town called Colby, though.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. You were doing stand up at.

[Roman Schmidt]

It's a comedy on State.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. One of the best comedy clubs in the country. How long did you do it there?

[Roman Schmidt]

Two years, and I moved here.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. Amazing. What do you do for work?

[Roman Schmidt]

I serve at a mini golf place and then valet every once in a while, but not too much.

[Brian Redban]

You serve at a mini golf place? Is it Butler pitch and putt?

[Roman Schmidt]

No, it's.

[Brian Redban]

It's crazy. There's, like, all these repetitive things. Tonight, Holy Moly.

[Roman Schmidt]

It's a new thing.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Holy Moly. Where's that at?

[Roman Schmidt]

It's right on, like, third street, but on the other side of 35, like, right behind that Whole Foods and Target over there.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. That's very close to here.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What's Holy Moly? Like, what's it like over There.

[Roman Schmidt]

It's okay.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. Quite the salesman.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Unbelievable.

[Hans Kim]

They.

[Roman Schmidt]

They got like.

[Brian Redban]

They're gonna love your ringing endorsement.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah. I'm working one shift for the next two weeks, so I don't know if they really want me either.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Roman Schmidt]

So. But I don't. It's. They're trying to be a mini golf place with a bar, but it's more of a bar with. With super small mini golf, so.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Roman Schmidt]

It's still pretty much a hoot. Still.

[Brian Redban]

It's still fun, you know, It's a real hoot.

[Roman Schmidt]

Hoot and a holler if you ask me. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely. Absolutely. So what are 22 year olds that just moved to Austin up to nowadays? Tell us about what you think is fun when you're not working or doing stand up.

[Roman Schmidt]

I don't do much anything else. I pretty much work and I go straight and I. I do stand up all night. That's pretty much it. I'm pretty much. I play Mario Kart every once in a while, but.

[Remy Swiss]

Oh, okay.

[Roman Schmidt]

That's about it.

[Brian Redban]

What's your character? What's your choice of.

[Roman Schmidt]

I'm a Yoshi Luigi guy.

[Brian Redban]

So real ones, very agile, high speed. Yeah, high speed, very agile on the corners. I'm a Wario guy.

[Roman Schmidt]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. I come from behind and get your ass just dope, dope, do. I'm Red.

[Casey Rocket]

Shell. Green.

[Brian Redban]

Green. Green. I'm Toad. Yeah. I would beat the out of you, dude. I'm a drifter, man. Wario. Yeah, you're drifting. All right. Wario's a. How about you guys? What are your Mario Karts? What are your. I'm guessing you're the Donkey Kong of the. Cam's. The Cam's the only one that doesn't slip on the bananas. He gets a speed boost from them. This is a racist episode of Kill Tony. When I can do the jokes with my black friends, I do them. Other black guys must watch the show and be like, I'm going to kill that meet up. He just say, slave face. Get the out of here. Slave face was great. Slave face was crazy. Slave face was crazy. That is. It's gonna. We're still gonna bleep. We're gonna beep this every time I say it. And then these are gonna go online and be like, he said slave face. They were beeping. Slave face. I use Yoshi.

[Casey Rocket]

I use Yoshi.

[Brian Redban]

You're a Yoshi guy. Okay, Casey, there's this big. I recently discovered this. There's this. There's this big worm and a top hat.

[Roman Schmidt]

It's real wiggler.

[Brian Redban]

The Wiggler.

[Roman Schmidt]

Wiggler.

[Brian Redban]

So I thought it was just a nickname. The Wiggler. But it's his real name.

[Roman Schmidt]

That's his name.

[Brian Redban]

It was so cool to think like a new Mario Kart character. This crazy new guy named the Wiggler. You guys wouldn't believe some of this stuff. Wow. He's a big ass worm.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah, he's huge.

[Brian Redban]

And he has a top hat on. This sounds like you. This sounds like a Casey Rocket. Not a bit. He's this fat ass, big ass, top heavy worm. Wow. Oh, and he's the coolest. Tony. You gotta see this guy. Oh, my God. I'm pretty sure he just performed here a minute ago. And William, what is your Mario Kart character?

[Casey Rocket]

Big Waluigi fan.

[Roman Schmidt]

Oh, I. I do like a little Waluigi, Andrew.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. And what was yours again?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yoshi or Luigi.

[Brian Redban]

Right. Yoshi or Luigi. You're split on it. You're 50.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What makes you go with Luigi?

[Roman Schmidt]

He's not Mario. I feel like he's the neglected one, you know? He's the best one.

[Brian Redban]

You think so, huh?

[Roman Schmidt]

I believe so. I don't trust anyone who picks Mario, so I just like you're a. I

[Brian Redban]

don't know if anyone. Does anyone pick Mario out there? Oh, you do. Look at this guy with a very sad face. Just.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, you do. Wow. Really? That is incredible. Have you ever won Matt Muelling? We need to have a Mario Kart tournament Kill Tony Mario Kart tournament live stream. $80. $80 per ticket. Buy your Mario Kart Kill Tony tournament tickets. Okay. What's your love life like, Roman Schmidt? You seem like a straight up super virgin.

[Roman Schmidt]

No, I'm a bit of a dry spell right now. That is for sure. Yeah, right.

[Brian Redban]

You're just focused on stand up comedy.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What's your dream girl look like? What does she look like? Better be black. Yeah, right.

[Roman Schmidt]

Gia Duddy. You know, look up on Instagram. That's Dutty.

[Brian Redban]

What's her name?

[Roman Schmidt]

Gia Duddy.

[Brian Redban]

Gia Duddy. D U, D, D Y Specific

[Roman Schmidt]

G I A.

[Brian Redban]

How do you spell that? D U. Say it into the microphone, you creepazoid.

[Roman Schmidt]

Oh, D U, D U, D D Y D her.

[Brian Redban]

Now is that just a normal girl? Let me see this. Let me see this.

[Roman Schmidt]

She looks like.

[Brian Redban]

Like a normal girl. It's a good old regular fat. I like.

[Roman Schmidt]

I like the curly hair.

[Brian Redban]

The girl or something?

[Roman Schmidt]

No, she was on the draft like a year ago.

[Brian Redban]

What draft?

[Roman Schmidt]

Will Levis's girlfriend.

[Brian Redban]

I'm a. Oh, whose girlfriend? She tried to take his phone. And then.

[Casey Rocket]

And then he was.

[David Jolly]

No, no, no.

[Hans Kim]

This is.

[Roman Schmidt]

Will Levis is a white guy. Oh, you're talking about CD Lamb.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. She look good, though? Yeah, she's all right. I'm.

[Roman Schmidt]

I like curly hair.

[Brian Redban]

That's why you like curly hair. There we go. You could have just. Just said that.

[David Jolly]

I know, but that.

[Brian Redban]

You know, you said Dutt's gonna get sent this, right?

[Remy Swiss]

I know. I.

[Roman Schmidt]

After. I said. I'm like, I'm an idiot.

[Brian Redban]

Literally. Literally, like, at least 400 people are gonna be like, gia, you were brought up on Kill Tony. And she's gonna be like, oh, my God, how can I make money off this? Just a normal.

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Whose girlfriend was she again?

[Roman Schmidt]

Will Le. He's a quarterback of that Tennessee Tit Titans.

[Brian Redban]

Oof.

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Are they still together?

[Roman Schmidt]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, being a quarterback for the Tennessee Titans, he's got a lot to work with over there already.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah, he's a handsome dude. He's pretty big.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Roman Schmidt]

He. I'm gonna be honest. You should see him. He's. He's a. He's a stud.

[Brian Redban]

You're like, stalker. Wow. Aren't you?

[Roman Schmidt]

I'm a big sports guy. I love the draft, so that's. I just watch it all.

[Brian Redban]

Do you want her or him? Nigga, who the fuck you want, man?

[Roman Schmidt]

I would prefer her. I'll, like, put that out.

[Brian Redban]

But you would be. You would snap him the ball if he wanted it. Roman. What else? What are we missing here? Anything else crazy about your entire life's history or anything?

[Roman Schmidt]

The one and only time I ever shot a gun was inside my high school.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, now we're talking. So tell us more.

[Roman Schmidt]

It was my senior year. I get called to our high school counselor. And I get in. There's like, four other guys, and our counselor comes in. She's like, so we're gonna do a school shooting, and you guys are gonna be a part of it. And I, like, half jokingly go, can I be the shooter? And she's like, we're not doing that. We're doing a fake basketball game. So we do that. Wait, that's the setup for the. What's going to happen? So we do the high school one. I get pulled out of class later by the middle school counselor. And he goes, I heard you wanted to be the school shooter. And I was like, shit. And I was like. So I was honest. I was like, yeah, I said that. And he goes, do you want to do that for the middle school drill? I was like, yeah. So the next day, I got pulled out of class again. I got dressed up, and all the middle schoolers were in our, like, auditorium, and they gave me a gun with blanks, and they told me, just aim at the ground. Don't. I was like, okay. And he told me to.

[Brian Redban]

An actual gun with blanks?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah. I aimed at the ground. He shot one before I entered. And he goes, go in there. And. And I blew my load way too fast. It was bang, bang, bang, bang. And it was out.

[Brian Redban]

And all the kids started screaming and.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Casey Rocket. Did you say anything cool before you started shooting?

[Casey Rocket]

School's out for summer.

[A Armstrong]

No.

[Roman Schmidt]

Now I wish I would have. That sounds so much better.

[Brian Redban]

You didn't say anything. You just walked in, just right at the ground.

[Roman Schmidt]

It was the first time I ever had that kind of, like, powerful feeling, you know? I didn't know. I was like, this is crazy.

[Brian Redban]

My goodness. They just gave the only time Alec Baldwin ever wishes he was you. That is how you shoot a gun with a blanks and at. At the floor. Absolutely insane that they would give you a real gun. This was in Wisconsin.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah. That's like, the second craziest school shooting drill we had.

[Brian Redban]

What was the first craziest?

[Roman Schmidt]

They didn't tell us we were having a school shooting drill.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it's just Derek Dimple jerking off in the auditorium. 110. 110. 110. All right.

[Derek Dimple]

Imagine being the parents of the kids

[Brian Redban]

coming home and saying that there was a shooting tonight. Yeah. Like that's. They didn't tell you. And they had somebody else with a gun in blanks.

[Roman Schmidt]

So they sent an email out five minutes before to all the teachers. But I was in lunch. I wouldn't have been told. And that cop came in. He just had, like, a fluorescent shirt saying, shooter for that one. And he goes, what would you do? And we were, like, joking around, like, oh, we'd fight you. And they, like, shot blanks. And we're like, oh. So we ran out. And, like, I knew it as a joke, so I was like, oh, that's funny. Scared us a little bit. But there was kids, like, jumping through, like, the lunch tray return table. Kids ran home. It was.

[Brian Redban]

This school is insane. What school district is this?

[Roman Schmidt]

It was Colby School district.

[Brian Redban]

Colby School district?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah. They. We didn't. We had. That was my sophomore year, and then we didn't have one for my junior

[Brian Redban]

year because I bet this is the most insane I've ever heard of in my entire life. That is crazy. Did the news ever pick up online?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah, that one they did. Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Wow.

[Roman Schmidt]

That one, they were like, what happened? And they're like, went down and that was about it.

[Brian Redban]

Well, Roman, very interesting interview. Very, very fun set that you are. You're very, very good at this. Very promising. Everybody's moving here. I don't know if you guys are noticing, but this is where all. All the people, they used to move to New York or la, and now they're coming here to Austin, Texas. That's the debut of Roman Schmidt, everybody. There he goes. On to the next one. Hey, pick your character. I'm a Wario, and I'm a gonna win your next bucket pole. Goes by the name of Isaiah Pichardo. Isaiah Picardo.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

So a friend of mine, she recently lost her baby. It was horrible. She accidentally fell asleep on it. I can't even make a joke on that yet. I gotta let her breathe. I was at a house party and their dog was running around, and the homeowner, she was like, she bleeds a lot and it gets blood stains all over the carpet. I said, ah, I'm pretty experienced in that. I know what you can do. See, you kick that bitch in the back instead of the face, you won't bleed as much. Just a tip, you know? It was crickets. They looked at me like I was crazy and I had to save myself. So I was like. Like, that's why they're called bitches, right? Sorry, that. That was awful. Thank you. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Isaiah Pichardo or Picardo?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Pichardo.

[Brian Redban]

Pichardo, yes, absolutely. More like Ricardo. That was fucking crazy, bro.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Ballsy move. How long you been doing? Stand up.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

This is my fourth time.

[Brian Redban]

Fourth time ever. Okay, that makes it great. I thought you were gonna say 2006. That'd be crazy. I love it. How old are you, Isaiah?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

23.

[Brian Redban]

23. Fourth time ever. Takes a lot of balls to come up here in this situation like this. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Yeah. Where are you from?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Indiana.

[Brian Redban]

Indiana. And is that where you still live? Yes.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And what are you doing in Austin? You visiting or what's up?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

To be honest, I was watching Kill Tony last night. I was like, I'm gonna go to that.

[Brian Redban]

And you were watching last night.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Last night.

[Brian Redban]

And you're like, I'm gonna go to that tomorrow. In Austin?

[Derek Dimple]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You were in Indiana last night watching YouTube. And you're like, I'm gonna go to that tomorrow.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yep.

[Brian Redban]

And you bought a ticket last night and you flew here today?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, I drove.

[Brian Redban]

You drove from Indiana?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I haven't slept. Yeah. I just drove straight here.

[Brian Redban]

That is wild. That is unprecedented. Amazing. And the fucking. So you could have just as easily have been over across the street at a dingy 6th street bar, standing there doing nothing. And then you would have had to drive home to Indiana, accomplishing nothing, and instead, here you are.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yeah, I don't even know. I don't even know.

[Brian Redban]

Well, let's figure it out. Isaiah, you've only done stand up four times. Someone fell asleep on a baby. That's crazy. She bleeds a lot. Kick it. Crazy bitches. Crazy. Yeah, so it's all crazy what you're talking about here. So let's figure out what about you you should be talking about. Move that mic stand to the right side of you there. Oh, yeah. Throw it over there. You feel that? You feel the difference?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You're Mexican, right?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Mexicans usually are used to performing behind walls. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. He's from Indiana, so he's whiter than all of us. Really? Yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Literally.

[Brian Redban]

Incredible. You're wearing a Grateful Dead shirt.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You a hippie? You a little stoner?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I guess, Yeah, a little bit.

[Brian Redban]

What do you do for work? You work at a rent a center or something like that?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, I work at Walmart. Dc, man.

[Hans Kim]

Just close.

[Brian Redban]

That's as close as it gets. Yeah, that's as close as it gets. What do you do at the Walmart?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Just throw boxes, man. Run a forklift.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Unload trailers. That's about it. Just manual labor.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely. What do you do for fun?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Comedy. And then I like to, you know, throw darts, shoot pool. You know, I just get into random things at random times and, like, what, go all this, you know, comedy? I. I did stand up last March, and I was like, this is kind of fun. And then I, you know, now I'm here.

[Brian Redban]

So now you are here. Yes. Now you are here. Cam, my favorite part about this set is when you say kit lady in

[Casey Rocket]

the back of the head, somebody just went, what?

[Derek Dimple]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

There was one guy in the back of the room that got a bigger laugh than everything that you said. But this is how it starts. I mean, it is not easy just starting out. Crazy. 23. Fourth time on stage. You were in Indiana last night?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Last night?

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Incredible. How was the drive? Tell us about.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Was awful.

[Casey Rocket]

It was.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

It was not a good drive.

[Brian Redban]

How far did you make it before you're like, what the. What the fuck am I doing?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

About halfway. I was like, man, I shouldn't do this. And now that I'm here. I'm like, man, I shouldn't do this.

[Brian Redban]

Ah, there you go. There's something in there.

[A Armstrong]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

When you, like, lose yourself, you're pretty funny. How much money did you spend on gas?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

It was like 40 bucks to fill it up the first time, and the second time it was like 40, so about 80 something bucks.

[Brian Redban]

Not bad. I think bad. To go from the fucking top of the country to this bottom. Where's that 12?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

May have been three times I haven't slept.

[Brian Redban]

You know Williams, Williams, thinking about driving from St. Louis right now. He's like, what the fuck was I thinking? 15 hours worth of flights for a hundred dollars. You could have saved 20 bucks and driven half the way twice as fast.

[Casey Rocket]

Thanks for making me look that, dumbass.

[David Jolly]

Holy.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. Isaiah, you still live with your parents? Yeah. What do they do for. What do they do for work?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

He works at Toyota.

[Brian Redban]

He works at Toyota? Yeah. How about she. Mom. What does she do? Just chills.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I. I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

You don't know what your mom is? She. Does she live with you?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No.

[Brian Redban]

No. Okay. How long has she not been in your life?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

She dipped out when I was like, 12, 13.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Where'd she dip out to? Do you know?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I don't know. I was like, about three or four years later, I saw her at a gas station at the same town I lived in. So she was probably around.

[Brian Redban]

But do you know anything about her? Does she do drugs or something?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, she's doing all right now. She's living with a sweet old lady in her basement and just, you know.

[Brian Redban]

How do you do that? She's doing all right.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I see her every now and then, but it's kind of like you just

[Brian Redban]

see her at the gas station, that's it.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Do you ever talk to her on the phone?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, not really.

[A Armstrong]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Why is that?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Because I guess it's on me now to kind of go see her, and I just kind of don't do it.

[Brian Redban]

You don't do it. Cause you're like. You left me at 12.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I mean, I see her every now and then, but it's kind of awkward, so it's just like.

[Brian Redban]

Why is it awkward?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

It's just like we're different people now. That's long and gone. It's just like we're on a different.

[A Armstrong]

Right.

[Brian Redban]

His material is all about hating women, too. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was. I was just getting to that. Makes sense that you're going around kicking. No, no. Any. Any psych psychologist would say this Makes perfect sense.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I was afraid of that.

[Remy Swiss]

And I had another.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I had another bit that I had round up where I was going to be like, ah, Mexican Casey Rocket.

[Brian Redban]

And I was like, thank God you didn't do that.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Redban]

What were you gonna do after that? Let's see some more Mexican Casey Rocket. I feel like. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Mexican Casey Rocket.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

I feel like a Percocet with a dick. That's about all I got.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, good, good, good, good. Very good, Very good. Another fun fact about psychology is that your opening joke is about a woman randomly falling asleep on her baby. What? Do you. You don't see any connection here between your mother abandoning you and the woman issues in your 60 seconds? No, no, no. Totally unrelated.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, I get that. No, I get. I was afraid.

[Brian Redban]

No, you're okay. You're okay. It's okay. We. We're all products of crazy psychology, I always say. There's so very few funny people that had both parents in their lives like, that had a normal life, you know, comedians are, you know, kind of traumatized, spontaneous. The type of people that would get in their car from Indiana and drive here, these open mics in Indiana. What types of things did you talk about on stage there the minute that you did tonight?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

No, I had the dog joke in one of them, but I have different bits.

[Casey Rocket]

Like, what?

[Brian Redban]

Do you remember any of them?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Yeah, I could run. They're not good.

[Brian Redban]

But let's give it a shot. I'm just curious. Maybe we can fix them.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

So we got any couples here tonight?

[Brian Redban]

Any what?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Couples? We got couples here.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely. Tons of couples.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

So couples. You know, this is gonna sound bad, but women tend to send. Tend to ask their significant other, hey, so would you love me if I was like a beetle? Would you love me if I was a cricket? Would you love me if I was, you know, some inanimate object? So.

[A Armstrong]

Fuck.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

So there's a better way to ask your man, you. Thank you. Ask your man, would you still love me if I was a gay, big black man with a fat cock? See, like, if my girlfriend asked me that, I love her to death, but if she asked me that, I'd be like, why are you going through my phone?

[Brian Redban]

What? Thank you. Look at. Look out there. Look at those people. What the. You don't know what works and what doesn't. No, I don't. You have no idea. Hey, I got bad jokes. I could do one of those. And I can. I could do one of my shitty jokes and kill if you want me to it's wild, man. There's something in there. There's a little seed of something in there. Isaiah Pichardo, do you really have a girlfriend?

[Isaiah Pichardo]

Oh, well, no, she. I do not.

[Brian Redban]

You're a funny guy. You're a funny guy. I'm going to. I. I can only give you a little joke book, but, I mean, you know what? You drove all the way here from Indiana. I'm going to give you a big one. Fill this up, start writing. Thank you.

[David Jolly]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Use your hatred towards your mother to fuel your wild success. Make some noise for Isaiah Pichardo. It's a long drive to Indiana, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. How can you. Whoa. John D's in the house, ladies and gentlemen.

[David Jolly]

Oh.

[Brian Redban]

Holy. Who says black people show up late to work? I love it. Well, let's blast through some of these bucket pools. I was expecting to get through more, but God damn it. Some of these interviews have been so entertaining that I kept people up here for a while. Let's fly through some of these, make some noises. Let's do a minute by Jacob Cancer out of the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, Jacob Kantor.

[Jacob Kantor]

So, I'm from Dallas and I'm a tour guide downtown. I do the JFK tour. And part of the JFK tour, we let you meet this lady who was friends with Lee Harvey Oswald when she was a kid. I swear to God, they just wheel her out like she's Hannibal Lecter. Everyone just shoots her with questions. But it means that I've met someone who's met Lee Harvey Oswalt. And now you've met me, so you're welcome.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome.

[Jacob Kantor]

No, I'm really just an Uber driver with a history degree, so I like to drive past Dilly Plaza, and I like, the CIA killed the President here. And just. They don't say anything. I just know I'm not getting a tip. And about that time, I'll start to go into, like, my RFK Jr. Spiel. Usually I get like, isn't he a conspiracy theorist? And I was like, you'd be a conspiracy theorist, too if the CIA killed your dad and your uncle. And he is in the political sphere, he is the closest thing that we have to Batman. I mean, really, if you think about it, fighting against the corruption of the establishment that shot his family. All right, thank you.

[Brian Redban]

I'm Jacob, exactly a minute from Jacob Cancer. Jacob, welcome back. You were just on. Correct.

[Jacob Kantor]

Yes, I was. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome back. Welcome back. Casey, what do you think about this young buck? I see Jacob everywhere. Yeah, he was in Dallas yesterday. Wow. He's in Dallas yesterday.

[Jacob Kantor]

I came to see his show is fucking great Hyenas.

[Brian Redban]

And then now he's here and he's. You just run into him random places like Isaiah and his mother. I thought it was really funny. Yeah, it was great. Jacob, you. You always do good here. You already have a big joke book, right? You were just here. What else? What? Since your last appearance, what's changed? What's going on?

[Jacob Kantor]

Nothing's really changed. I got on secret show, which was fucking badass.

[Brian Redban]

How did that go for you?

[Jacob Kantor]

It was really good. I kind of, like, ran short time by like 30 seconds and had a mini freak out. But everyone told me it was, like, funny because I like, admitted I ran out of material and some people laughed.

[Brian Redban]

So adorable. How long of a set did you do?

[Jacob Kantor]

I think I. Well, I. I was filming it from the back, so I didn't have the time on my phone. But I ran. I think I ran out of material at like 9 minutes and 30 something seconds.

[Brian Redban]

That's good. Well, why did you say that you ran out? Why didn't you just get off?

[Jacob Kantor]

Because it was 10 minutes.

[David Jolly]

I don't know.

[Jacob Kantor]

I hadn't seen the light yet.

[Brian Redban]

You have to do 10 minutes.

[Roman Schmidt]

Well.

[Jacob Kantor]

Oh, well, I was just going and I hadn't. I'm not used to doing comedy in that big of room, so I didn't see the light in the back.

[Brian Redban]

It was exciting.

[Jacob Kantor]

It was very exciting.

[Brian Redban]

It was fun.

[Jacob Kantor]

It was a lot of fun.

[Brian Redban]

Is it the most fun you've ever had on a stage in your life, actually?

[Jacob Kantor]

Well, the green room was really fun. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

It's backstage too.

[Jacob Kantor]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Cam's hair hitting on you from the cooler. You're tripping on mushrooms thinking he's a white bitch. I just spell it out for you.

[Casey Rocket]

Hey, yo, white.

[Brian Redban]

I'm freezing in here. Help me in the cooler. Go suck my dick in this cooler real quick.

[Remy Swiss]

White.

[Brian Redban]

Poor Jacob. Why is Cam calling me a white? I love it, Jacob. What else? Is anything else going on? We're flying through bucket pools right now. We're going turbo.

[Jacob Kantor]

No, I've just. I've just been going to comedy shows. I've recently started seeing someone that's going well. She's actually here tonight too.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. Where's she at?

[Jacob Kantor]

She's in Dallas too, so she's a comic, so it's been going well.

[Brian Redban]

She's here tonight?

[Jacob Kantor]

Yeah, she is.

[Brian Redban]

Where?

[Jacob Kantor]

She's over at Poor Choices.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, why don't you go tell her to come to a minute?

[Jacob Kantor]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

There goes Jacob Cantor. Ladies. Right now? Yeah. We're gonna fly through it. Where's Colt? Colt's still wrangling people. Okay, well, let's get the names up here and then we'll do it, but. Took a while.

[Jacob Kantor]

Should I leave right now, or.

[Brian Redban]

Where'd you meet this girl?

[Jacob Kantor]

We're actually from the same hometown, but I met her through mutual friends. It was like a group from my hometown that eats in Dallas on Sundays. So she actually dated my brother's best friend when they were in high school, and then. No, it's not weird or anything. We met. This is like 10 years ago, so I'm.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Well, go tell her that she's. What's her name?

[Jacob Kantor]

Jacob.

[Brian Redban]

Her name's Jacob. You're also dating a girl named Jacob? She's incredible. Incredible. I love it. Did you meet her in Germany?

[Jacob Kantor]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what's her name?

[Jacob Kantor]

Sagan Butler.

[Brian Redban]

Sagan Butler.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, Go get her. Tell her that she's gonna go up. Did you hear that, Colt? Sagan Butler. We're gonna fly through it. Another quick minute by Luke Newcomb. Here we go. I promise. Bucket pulls. We're gonna get minutes out. Turbo bucket mode. Is that okay with you guys? Make some noise for Luke Newcomb. Everybody, a minute by Luke Nukem. Hell, yeah. Here he is.

[Casey Rocket]

Give it up for Kill Tony.

[Brian Redban]

All right, just do the minute. Here he is, Luke Nukem, everybody. Give it up for the ladies. Yeah, women.

[Casey Rocket]

Women are like wine. I can't afford it.

[Brian Redban]

It's not something I can keep around the house.

[Casey Rocket]

Anytime I have one, I am being judged.

[Brian Redban]

How quickly I finish. Just bottoms up. Now, women and wine, they have the

[Casey Rocket]

same quality where as they age, they

[Brian Redban]

get older day by day.

[Casey Rocket]

You would think they had already peaked, but they do somehow become even more expensive. That's when you're dating. It's a little different when you're trafficking.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Casey Rocket]

Women, Wine.

[Brian Redban]

They're in the cellar.

[Casey Rocket]

Alert the authorities.

[Brian Redban]

Now. Women are like wine.

[Casey Rocket]

I don't know where to find a decent white.

[Brian Redban]

That market is flooded with California trash,

[Casey Rocket]

and it gives me a headache.

[David Jolly]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

I've been Luke Newcomb.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you so much. There you go, Luke. How long you been doing standup? About a year. Okay. Where do you live? Austin. Here in Austin. What do you do for work? Work? I. I'm a server at the Putt Putt course. Hell, yeah. Okay. All right. Most interesting thing about you. We're flying through bucket pools right now. It's an extra special part of the show.

[Casey Rocket]

Besides doing this, I'm a musician.

[Brian Redban]

And what music do you play? What type of rock and roll? I saw.

[Casey Rocket]

I write songs, play guitar.

[Brian Redban]

You don't sing?

[Casey Rocket]

I do sing. I sing the songs I write.

[Brian Redban]

What kind of. What kind of. What kind of songs?

[Casey Rocket]

Rock and roll.

[Brian Redban]

But I mean, like, do you cover anything and roll?

[Casey Rocket]

I don't do covers.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, can you explain to them the chord progression and the speed real quick? I can do something like that. Say it right into the microphone. Just tell them it's a G chord with the 45. Oh, without me playing guitar as well.

[Jacob Kantor]

Absolutely correct.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. You're just going to sing. Let's go. You're going to sing real quick. We are going to sing and we're going to fly through it real quick. So start telling them. A minor, C, F. You look like you with. Absolutely. You got that. You got that. What's the. What's the group give us? Give them the groove.

[Casey Rocket]

Got me crazy I've been seeing them lately I've been seeing them daily Baby, they're coming.

[Brian Redban]

Here we go.

[Casey Rocket]

Call me crazy I'm seeing them lately

[Brian Redban]

I'm seeing them daily Babe, they're coming

[Casey Rocket]

here Call me crazy I've been lost in the lady temptation Pouring from the

[Brian Redban]

devil's Brazil it's one a sinner each

[Casey Rocket]

one the same Everybody doing good?

[Brian Redban]

Good as you. All right, there he goes. Luke Nukem. Little joke book. On to the next one. Your next comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds. We gotta get through it. Make some noise for Eddie Lursa. 60 seconds by Eddie Lursa.

[A Armstrong]

Out.

[Eddie Larsa]

I've accidentally been working in restaurants for the last 20 years. I was watching a fat kid eat the other day and it made me realize that if I have a kid, I want to have a fat kid. Because he's either going to overcome heavy adversity and build strong character, or the little guy loses a foot and we don't walk from the back of the parking lot anymore. And it's cool if some of you didn't like that joke. There is a certain type of person that normally doesn't, and that's type two. I also figured out how to stop school shootings. We have to segregate schools again. What you do is you take all the lonely white kids with gun fascinations and you put them in their own schools. In these schools, all of the teachers will be known pedophiles. Because at the end of the day, school shooters and pedophiles are the same. They both just want to unload on kids. I'm Eddie Larsa.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you amazing Eddie Larsa with a fantastic set. Great job, Eddie. How long you been doing? Doing stand up?

[Eddie Larsa]

Just over a year now.

[Brian Redban]

Over a year? That's incredible. That was so good. Where are you based out of?

[Eddie Larsa]

I'm here in Austin now.

[Brian Redban]

How long have you been here?

[Eddie Larsa]

Since October.

[Brian Redban]

A lot of people moved here in October. Incredible. Where'd you move from?

[Eddie Larsa]

Florida.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What part of Florida?

[Eddie Larsa]

I was in New Smyrna beach, right by Orlando.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh, Cam Patterson. What's the. You ever been there before? You ever do any show that I did. I was gonna. I was gonna say crime, not shows. I've never did crimes in New summer

[Casey Rocket]

at the beach ever.

[Brian Redban]

Just in case they looking for me. I never did cries in New Smyrna Beach. There you go. Case dismissed.

[Eddie Larsa]

No, it's true. We don't have black people out there, so it's perfect.

[Brian Redban]

That's why we will do crimes there. But I've never did crimes New Smyrna beach, ever. Eddie, what do you do for work?

[Eddie Larsa]

I'm a bartender.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that's right. You mentioned. You mentioned that. And what else is going on? What's the craziest thing about your life?

[Eddie Larsa]

Craziest thing about my.

[Brian Redban]

Through an extra fast portion of the

[Eddie Larsa]

show, I was given away by my parents three times in one year when I was 16.

[Brian Redban]

Given away to who?

[Eddie Larsa]

Group home, foster parents, and the guy who eventually became the guy I call my dad now.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. What were you doing at 16 that made them do that? Or what were they doing?

[Eddie Larsa]

Vibing.

[Brian Redban]

Like vibing. Casey, Rocket, you're just too chill. You're just too cool. He's too laid back.

[Eddie Larsa]

They couldn't handle that amount of cooling.

[Brian Redban]

They're like, this kid is just vibing. We gotta get him out of here.

[Eddie Larsa]

No, my mom, she needed to have a life, so we had to go so she could pursue her life. It was. It was exciting.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. What was that life that she was trying to pursue?

[Eddie Larsa]

My mom was actually a professional jazz and blues singer in the D.C. area.

[Casey Rocket]

Wow.

[Roman Schmidt]

Yeah.

[Eddie Larsa]

So I made the sacrifice, you know, go mom.

[Brian Redban]

That makes sense. Being an entertainer runs in your runs in your family. That's kind of a. Your. Your set was well beyond what most people at A year at. We're flying through this bucket right now trying to set a record for a bucket pool. So there he goes. Eddie Lursa, ladies and gentlemen. Keep signing up. Eddie. We want to see another minute and do a longer interview. We got a woman out of the bucket. This young lady made her debut only recently and was absolutely hysterical. Here she is again. This is the second set ever by Sherry Veggi, ladies and gentlemen. Sherry, thank you.

[Sherry Basji]

I am originally from Iran. You may know it as Iran. Iran.

[Sagan Butler]

So fast.

[Sherry Basji]

And I never looked back. Yeah, but don't be afraid of me. You know, there are no terrorist women. Can you imagine me going, stop it? But also, women don't work in the Middle East. Yeah, I don't know if you've heard there's been some downsizing, layoffs, furloughs, stoning. Yeah, let's not even talk about equal pay between the men and the dead women. That's a whole nother Netflix special right there. Yeah. So while we're on the subject of terrorism, how come there are no good looking terrorists out there? Where are my GQ terrorists at, huh? What, are they calling in sick on jihad days? And I haven't seen any gay terrorists either. I mean, that's pretty obvious. Like, what are they going to do with 72 virgins up in heaven? Give them highlights or redecorate the harem?

[Sagan Butler]

Persian women rock.

[Sherry Basji]

Once you go Persian, you're like, hey, nice rug.

[Brian Redban]

Sherry Baseji has done it again, her second ever appearance. Aaron's Red Band here told me that you did absolutely unbelievable at the secret show when you were put on it super recently, Thursday night or whatever. How's everything else going, Sheri?

[Sherry Basji]

Great. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Remind us again, how long have you been doing standup?

[Sherry Basji]

Since last May, the last round. But I used to do standup years ago. Before you were born.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, absolutely. God, for some reason it turns me on when you talk like that. It's incredible. You know me, you are kind of like a hotline little desert cougar. It is kind of incredible. It's like something about you, you're a little. You're a little firecracker or shoe bomb or something, I'm not exactly sure. Boom. I love it. I love it. Sherry, you were just on this show. You just killed again. We're flying through the bucket tonight. How about one more time for Sherry Basi Redband? I would love to have you back on the secret show show Thursday. Oh, look at that. Back on the secret show. Once again, proof that anyone with a vagina gets booked on this secret show by Brian Redband. Welcome to show business, everybody. If you're wondering how it works, the young Harvey Weinstein of Austin, Texas, hard at work over here. Jesus Christ. All right, I made Jacob a promise that I put his girlfriend up. Makes some noise for Sagan Butler. One minute, one minute. Sagan Butler.

[Sagan Butler]

So, my love Life pretty much consists of guys treating me like the old school Kodak cameras. Sure, they'll let me take all their shots, but then they forget about me and nothing ever develops. Yeah, in their defense, I do have something in common with those cameras. Yeah. If you wind me up and smack me just the right way, I, too, will flash. It's gotten to the point where I'm like, you know what? Polygamy doesn't even sound that bad to me. You're meaning to tell me I'm in a relationship with this man and he's wildly outnumbered. There's nothing I've ever wanted to do more in my life than to stage a coup with my gal pals. All right, fucking try me. At minimum, we're gonna unionize. And if we go on strike, old dude is fucked. Oh, you don't think domestic work is work, then. Good luck keeping the 72 kids and the sourdough starter, Al. I don't know where I'm at, but that's all I got for you.

[Brian Redban]

57 seconds from Sagan Butler. I love it. Is that lisp? Natural? Have you always.

[Sagan Butler]

It's the braces.

[Brian Redban]

The braces.

[Sagan Butler]

It's the braces.

[Brian Redban]

It's an adorable delivery you have.

[Sagan Butler]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Minimize. Want to minimize the 72. It's incredible. How long you been doing stand up?

[Sagan Butler]

I start. I start. I started in January.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Yeah. New here in Austin.

[Sagan Butler]

I'm in Dallas.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right. So you live in Dallas. What do you do for work?

[Sagan Butler]

I am a certified postpartum doula lactation educator, placenta encapsulator and birth doula and postpartum educator.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus Christ. Are you. Are you also an intern at a Goodwill? What doesn't she do?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, I'm also a waitress, so, you know.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Absolutely. That's where you make the real money, right?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely. And you're dating Jacob. How's that been going?

[Sagan Butler]

Fantastic, actually. I wrote that joke before I started seeing Jacob, by the way. So we'll see how it goes.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. Amazing. And you guys are out doing spots together, having fun?

[Sagan Butler]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Everything's good. What's the craziest thing about your life that we would find interesting during this? The interview portion of only a couple million people will see it. Give us something good.

[Sagan Butler]

I am a single mom of four.

[Brian Redban]

Are you fucking serious?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah. I'm also a special needs parent.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness gracious. So your kids sound like you do. I got. I got braces so that I can relate to my special needs kids. Fire trucks. Look, I sound just like you now, Billy.

[Sagan Butler]

I just wanted to make him feel, you know, normal. So I took one for the team.

[Brian Redban]

Single mother of four. How old are you?

[Sagan Butler]

I'm 32.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, okay. You're like a reverse David Jolly. You seem younger than. You seem younger than 32.

[Sagan Butler]

Sunscreen.

[Brian Redban]

Sunscreen. You know, glitter. And the hair. Nigga, this.

[Sagan Butler]

The freckles, the glasses, the braces. It's just. I'm.

[Brian Redban]

Glasses, the braces. The sensation of September since 30th. You. You just love making S noises with those braces.

[Sagan Butler]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So how many of the four kids are special needs?

[Sagan Butler]

The oldest two.

[Brian Redban]

The oldest two. And what are their special.

[Sagan Butler]

I have a nonverb. My oldest, non verbal autistic, he's 10. And then I have a nine year old who's also on the spectrum. But he's. He's a frickin savant dude. Like he's way too fucking smart.

[Brian Redban]

How is he Savanty?

[Sagan Butler]

Well, he taught himself how to read before the age of two and that's how he became verbal.

[Brian Redban]

Holy shit. So Cam, this kid beat you by 24 years. This is too year old. Can spell better than your father.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

This is unbelievable. Wow, that is so cool. So like. So it's. How old is the one now? The one that read it too?

[Sagan Butler]

The. The. Which one? That one. Oh, he's nine now.

[Brian Redban]

He's nine.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, he taught himself a lot of like foreign Alphabet, so he knows the Russian Alphabet, the Greek Alphabet, the Coptic Alphabet.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, I think he performed here earlier. He knows how to say thank you in 12 different languages.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, something like that.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. We are flying through the absolute end of this show. We got to turn it and burn it. Congratulations. A great set.

[Sagan Butler]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

I am out of joke books.

[Sagan Butler]

Have a good night.

[Brian Redban]

I'm out of joke books, but here, take one of those. Just for shits and giggles. At least you leave with something. Back to Dallas. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your absolute final comedian of the night. We did it, by the way. We got through 11 bucks bucket pools tonight. And two of our favorites, David Jolly and Uncle Laser. Which leaves us with just one regular. You guys will never guess who it is. This man has been taking a hiatus in preparation for the Forum. The rematch between him and Rick Diaz, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. You watched him grow up from living in a van to being a wild sellout touring success. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kiff. Thank you.

[Hans Kim]

Holy. That last girl, huh? I thought my English was bad. P. Diddy is getting charged with sex trafficking, which apparently is a big deal. I just don't think that's the worst thing he did. Whenever someone gets charged with sex trafficking, it's like they're saying, hey, it's okay to molest people. Just don't take them sightseeing, okay? If I'm getting molested, I better get a free trip to Disneyland. I don't want to get raped in a dungeon the whole time. Sucks having black hair, because when I find hair in my food, I don't know if it's mine or if I get to yell at the help again. Tents are going up in the universities, which means it's time to invest in Raytheon. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Fuck, yeah. That is Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. Fantastic. Hansi, how we feeling?

[Hans Kim]

I feel great, Tony. Thank you for having me back. I'd love to come back more anytime.

[Brian Redban]

We love you, Hans. Literally, anytime you want, you can.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you, Tony. Cocaine's pretty expensive.

[Brian Redban]

Are you back on it? Are you back on the hard stuff, Hansi?

[Roman Schmidt]

No,

[Brian Redban]

Hans. Did you just lie to me, Hans?

[Hans Kim]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Hans is also an autistic savant. For those of you that don't know, one of his amazing traits is he cannot tell a lie. What have you been doing lately with the. The. With the cocaine, Hans? You've been doing some dirty 6th street blow.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I mean, this is pretty good stuff here.

[Isaiah Pichardo]

This is.

[Hans Kim]

This is a good street for.

[Brian Redban]

What do you do after you do cocaine? What Exactly. What game on your phone do you play?

[Hans Kim]

I've been playing a lot of Settlers of Catan on my phone. Colonist IO Is that really what you

[Brian Redban]

do after doing cocaine?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. I mean, I've been rearranging my house a little bit. I recently went to Eeyore's birthday.

[Brian Redban]

Tell us about that. What do you mean?

[Hans Kim]

Eeyore's birthday is a nice little thing that they do here in Austin at Pease Park. They just have, like, a bunch of people gather together and, you know, run around and. And it smells kind of bad.

[Brian Redban]

It's like a music festival.

[Hans Kim]

It's like a. Yeah, but no music.

[Brian Redban]

Casey. Rocket. Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

[Eddie Larsa]

Eeyore?

[Brian Redban]

Is that what you're saying, Eeyore?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, it's like a thing here.

[Brian Redban]

And you do cocaine and you went to Eeyore's birthday. That's awesome. That's so cool.

[Hans Kim]

I think that's what Eeyore needed, is a little cocaine.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that's true. He was so Sad. Hell yeah.

[Casey Rocket]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, this is incredible, Casey. You just found out about a festival where there's no music and people just running around. How excited are you right now?

[Remy Swiss]

Fucking.

[Brian Redban]

My heart's thumping. I'm excited. That's cool.

[Remy Swiss]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Redban]

That is incredible. What do you tend to do at Eeyore's birthday? Is that what you said?

[Hans Kim]

Yes. Yeah, Well, I was there to follow my ex, but happy birthday.

[Brian Redban]

You're stalking your ex girlfriend?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Again, he cannot lie, people. That's why I love. It's just so funny people. I. I can't imagine a better interview than you in the world. They've always been fantastic. So how's stalking your ex girlfriend going, Hans?

[Hans Kim]

It's great. I.

[Brian Redban]

Does she ever notice you?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, she said hi to me. I got invited in last night.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh.

[Hans Kim]

I promised her I wouldn't talk about it, but we had sex.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. That is the most Hans Kim thing of all time. You think you're probably gonna get in a little trouble now that you said that, huh?

[Hans Kim]

In three weeks,

[Brian Redban]

ladies and gentlemen. We gotta put a ribbon on it. That was Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. How about one more time for the great William Montgomery. Visit his Instagram. He's on tour. Go to his link tree to find dates. Selling out all around the world off of his link tree. Guess who else only has a link tree on Instagram? It's Cam Patterson. Selling out all around the world. These guys do not have websites. Casey Rocket comedy dot com. He's also on tour. All three of these guys on tour, killing all around the country. It's a lot of fun. I mean, you guys have gotten to watch them grow in front of your very eyes. There's not a show like this in the world where you get to watch a new minute every single week. And Ryan Je Belts Artisan. Yes. Which reminds me, the Killers of Kill Tony comedy tour is starting where they're all going out, different groups and different weekends and different times all around to giant, giant venues, massive theaters all around the country. The some of the regulars, some of the golden ticket winners. The great Jet Ski Johnson. A lot of. A lot of great. A lot of the greats that you love are on tour right now. Killers of kilton.com for tickets there. The drawing from Ryan Je belt is in. And it is indeed incredible. How about one more time for the best stand band in the land. By the way, Matthew Muling just dropped a brand new single, Challenge Day. Go check it out@Matthew TM.org MatthewTM.org for the new song challenge day from open 2.0. How about one more time for Carter Arrington on the guitar behind me, Matt Muhling. The great D Madness, everybody. Michael Gonzalez, Fernando Castillo, Raul Bahalo and Carlos Sosa are all on the world tour with Zach Brown. Our horn players are doing football stadiums every Saturday with Zach Brown. How about one more time for them? One of my favorite additions to our cast of all time. They fill this. They fill rooms with un unbelievable energy. No Chris Rogers tonight. Red Band. Check out the sunset strip.atr sunsetstripatx.com secret show every Thursday. I love it. If you haven't yet, check out the live stream of the forum and the YouTube Theater filmed on May 10 and May 12. But a new level of production for us. We got the director of the U UFC and we really, really upped the ante on this. We're trying to make it so that our pay per views are big, giant comedy events. But as far as the home field advantage here in Austin, we love you guys. That was so much fun. Thank you. Good night everybody. It. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Sam.