#665 - JIM FLORENTINE + ERIK GRIFFIN

Summary

Kill Tony #665: Jim Florentine + Erik Griffin

Date: May 28, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Guests: Jim Florentine, Erik Griffin
Regulars: Casey Rocket, Cam Patterson, William Montgomery
Notable Comedians from the Bucket: Drew Nickens, Alexander Marcano, Jordan Shelby, Josh Castro, Lorena Benedetto, Eric Gallegos, Dubs General

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Episode Overview

This milestone episode of Kill Tony is a riotous, high-energy showcase featuring the return of two fan-favorite guests, Jim Florentine and Erik Griffin, who join hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban at Austin’s Comedy Mothership. Kill Tony maintains its signature mix of live unscripted comedy, rapid-fire roasts, unpredictably selected amateur comics, and wild crowd interactions. The night becomes an unprecedented triumph for one persistent comedian, Drew Nickens, whose journey from “bucket pull” to instant crowd hero dominates the show — setting new records for consecutive stage appearances, culminating in an unforgettable feel-good episode.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. The Panel and Theme of the Night (00:44–03:49)

• Tony Hinchcliffe opens with thanks to the house band and introduces the guests.
• Jim Florentine and Erik Griffin are welcomed, setting the tone for sharp, spontaneous commentary.
• Tony teases a “night of Texas chaos” and jokes about pushing the limits ("We'll see if Hollywood lets me do some Texas chaos out there." [03:19]).

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2. Casey Rocket Pumps Up the Crowd (04:46–09:50)

• Casey Rocket, regular and absurdist riff master, opens with a high-energy, surrealist monologue:

  “Lord, forgive me, because I'm about to riff.” [04:46]

  • Recurring bit: “When men were men” with intentionally over-the-top, bizarre examples.
  • Interacts with Tony and the panel, riffing on Roombas as "floor compasses" and winding up with:

    "You become the thing you hate the most. So interesting." [09:40]

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3. The Drew Nickens Saga: Underdog to Legend

First Bucket Pull & Interview (10:41–27:44)

• Drew Nickens, a comedian with a documented brain injury from the Air Force, is drawn first from the bucket.
• Delivers a minute about strip clubs and his struggle dating (“Charity work was the name of my phone” [11:56]).
• Interview deep dive reveals:
  • Drew has been signing up for Kill Tony every week for ten and a half months, commuting from Dallas.
  • Story of his brain injury from getting bullied in basic training.
  • Panel riffs:

    "He should put that joke in his act. They got a laugh." – Jim Florentine [13:41]
    "I just want to know how he's a greeter and he gets a brain injury from that." – Jim Florentine [15:27]

Feel-Good Moment: Austin Kiss (24:09–26:38)

• Tony initiates the “Kiss Me” segment for Drew (“Is there a female out there that wants to come up here and fucking steal the show tonight?” [24:09])
• Riley, an attractive audience member, comes onstage and gives Drew his first Austin kiss—audience erupts.

  “This, take a breath. Is Drew’s first Austin kiss with a fucking 10 from Austin, Texas.” – Tony [26:12]

Legacy: The Drew Nickens Callback Phenomenon (42:17, 63:36, 78:04, 89:04)

• Tony repeatedly brings Drew back for additional stand-up sets each time the energy lulls or a comic bombs:
  • Second Set: Jokes about battle rap names and being terrible at it (“I named myself after Tom Hanks. I named myself Lance Corona.” [42:17])
  • Third Set: “Dating apps are tough for me when I have a head injury... It looks like a special needs bus.” [63:36]
  • Fourth Set: Yu-Gi-Oh and grandma’s sex advice (“My grandmother taught me two things about sex. The first thing is, if the blowjob sounds like a washing machine, you’re doing it wrong.” [78:04])
  • Tag-in for Musical Segue: Joins in on Eric Gallegos’s guitar song, delighting the crowd.
• Drew’s confidence and comedic material visibly improve on each return.

  “You came out here like you were fucking Eddie Murphy.” – Erik Griffin [44:00]
  “You can get away with anything. This is unbelievable. You just admitted to an all out sexual assault. It is incredible. You have done a month's work of Kill Tony in one night.” – Tony [80:07]

• Drew sets records for most appearances in a single episode (seven stage appearances, four full sets).

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4. The Bucket Comics & Panel Banter

Alexander Marcano (28:58–41:24)

• Well-dressed, composed comic who fails to follow Drew’s electric energy.
• Interview highlights:
  • Consulting firm job, “modest” salary (~$120K), dating woes.
  • Panel roasts his lack of excitement despite a good life (“He got more laughs shadow boxing than a stand up. He’s too good looking to do stand up.” – Jim Florentine [34:04])
  • Embarrassing breakup story:

    “Every pussy in this room just dried up.” – Erik Griffin [38:25]

Jordan Shelby (46:21–50:55)

• Mothership staffer, brand-new to Kill Tony’s stage.
• Delivers smart, silly material (“Give a man a fish... two years later he’ll fuck your girlfriend.” [46:27])
• Reveals his dad tours with Phil Collins—genuine applause.
• Earns a secret show offer and joke book from Tony.

Dubs General (60:40–63:06)

• Brings edgy material about “being afraid of retarded people” and Goonies references.
• Panel is unimpressed, leading directly to more Drew Nickens stage time as a palate cleanser.

Josh Castro (68:56–77:02)

• Conspiracy theory-themed set, flat reactions.
• Panel teases his jump from “couple years” of comedy to “nine years,” and the convoluted living situation.

Eric Gallegos (82:31–90:15)

• Returns after a year, talks fixing cell phones, delivers musical comedy with live guitar (audience mildly responsive).
• Drew Nickens is brought in as backup vocalist, delivers another standing ovation.

Lorena Benedetto (90:47–97:34)

• First female comic of the night, heavy Venezuelan accent, sexualized stories about emigrating and learning English from porn.
• Tony has her attempt a Spanish joke for the band.
• Reveals she works at a law firm, dances on stage by Tony’s prompting, and requests a bigger joke book.

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5. Regular Segments & Notable Quotes

Cam Patterson (52:45–60:15)

• Tales of his uncle relapsing on crack and the familial drama it caused (“I didn’t relapse on crack. Crack saved my life.” [53:40])
• Refuses to answer if he prefers white or black women when pressed after the “Kiss Me” segment:

  “Let the record show that is the first time in his history on the show that Cam has pleaded the fifth.” – Tony [59:30]

William Montgomery Closes (99:12+)

• Signature loose crowd work and dark one-liners (“Sometimes I walk up to a cemetery and say, that could be us. But you playing.” [99:15])
• Admits to hitting someone with his car after a show-related altercation.
• Banters with Tony and Redban about set lengths and quirky life updates.

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Notable Quotes & Banter

• “You become the thing you hate the most. So interesting.” – Casey Rocket [09:40]
• “We gotta keep it moving, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, hard to follow. Make some noise for your next bucket poll...” – Tony [28:38]
• “You could change the world with a kiss. Just one kiss from you...” – Erik Griffin [70:40]
• “One kiss, the energy, he came out the second time. The confidence, it is unbelievable. He’s a new man. Thirty minutes ago, nobody knew what a Drew Nickens was.” – Tony [44:47]
• "You guys are why I do this." – Drew Nickens, after becoming the episode’s star [80:58]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Casey Rocket Set: 04:46–09:50
• Drew Nickens First Set & Interview: 10:41–27:44
  • First Austin Kiss: 24:09–26:38
• Alexander Marcano Interview: 28:58–41:24
• Drew Nickens Second Set: 42:17–44:47
• Jordan Shelby: 46:21–50:55
• Cam Patterson Regular Set: 52:45–60:15
• Dubs General: 60:40–63:06
• Drew Nickens Third Set: 63:36–65:38
• Josh Castro: 68:56–77:02
• Drew Nickens Fourth Set: 78:04–80:07
• Eric Gallegos + Drew Tag-In: 82:31–90:15
• Lorena Benedetto: 90:47–97:34
• William Montgomery Closer: 99:12–101:56
• Finale and Farewell: 108:29–end

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Memorable Moments

• Drew Nickens’s Transformation — From nervous, brain-injured comic to all-time episode star with confidence surging after a surprise onstage kiss.
• Panel Roasting Polished Comics — Good-looking or “normal” bucket-pull comedians get ruthlessly critiqued, especially after Drew’s success.
• Repeated Audience and Panel Standing Ovations — Drew’s repeated returns lead to rare, multiple standing ovations and genuine joy.
• Live Kiss Segment — The “Kiss Me” bit with Riley becomes one of the most memorable Kill Tony moments, “one of the greatest moments in our 11-year history” per Tony [26:13].
• Panel Playful Bickering and Callbacks — Tony, Jim, and Erik riff endlessly on Drew’s journey, audience/lady power, and recurring inside jokes ("Get your ass back there and write another minute, we might need you." [81:21]).

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Tone & Atmosphere

The show is fast-paced, raw, irreverent, and heartfelt, blending brutal honesty, supportive moments, and relentless ball-busting. The audience is electric: on their feet, shouting for more, and swept up in Drew’s underdog story. Tony and the panel maintain the show’s roast-heavy but celebratory atmosphere, frequently breaking the fourth wall to highlight the historic, special nature of the episode.

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Summary

Kill Tony #665 is instantly a classic — notable for the rise of Drew Nickens from “bucket guy” to beloved recurring act in one wild night. The episode is marked by its unpredictability, laughter, and sense of community, as comics, crowd, and panel rally to create a live comedy moment for the ages.

• “You just left a 17-minute impact on this show in front of over a million people. Congratulations.” – Tony Hinchcliffe to Drew Nickens [26:43]

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliffe.com everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliffe.com if you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to Death Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Drew Nickens]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Henchman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Fuck yeah. You did it, ladies and gentlemen. You made it to the number one live podcast in the world. You guys excited, huh? Make some noise for Brian. Red Band, this is Kill Tony brought to you by squarespace.com how about a hand for the best damn band in the land? Ladies and gentlemen, that is indeed Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Huevos rancheros, Michael Gonzalez, the great Matt Muhling on the electric, John Dees on the motherfucking keys. And this, my friends, is the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, Lordy. A lot of fun stuff planned for tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Very exciting stuff, ladies and gentlemen. Two of my favorite guests in the history, history of the show. Two of the best to ever be on two of my favorite stand up comedians. Make some noise for the great and powerful Eric Griffin and Jim Florentine. Yes, absolutely. Eric Griffin, Jim Florentine. Welcome, gentlemen. Yeah, Eric Griffin von [e-mail] that's Eric with a K. Jim Florentine on tour. Jim florentine.com the podcast. Everybody is awful. Welcome back, guys. How are you?

[Jim Florentine]

Those jokes were amazing. Yeah, you're gonna kill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Jim Florentine]

We're gonna do a live on Netflix, which is gonna be great. Yeah, so I can't even cut any of those jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we're gonna see. I have, I have a feeling I might. I have a feeling they might cut to something real quick. The band just starts playing or something like that. I'm like, I got more. We'll see. We'll see if Hollywood lets me do some Texas chaos out there.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah, they're gonna lower Ari Shafir into acid while you do that Kobe joke. Like every Kobe Joby gets lower.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Well, you guys know how the show works. Over 240 people signed up for the chance to perhaps get pulled out of this bucket tonight. If I do pull them out, that means they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then, or else we bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And so I've pulled the name out of the bucket. We go wrangle them from the bar across the street. And while that happens, ladies and gentlemen, I get to bring up one of our amazing regulars. How many of you are real fans of this show? Well, you guys are in for a treat. You know em, you love em. Ladies and gentlemen, rising superstar. Make some noise for Casey Rocket, everybody.

[Casey Rocket]

Thank you. Hell, yeah. Lord, forgive me, because I'm about to riff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Very cool.

[Drew Nickens]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

God. Ms. When men were men in this country, you know what I mean?

[Lorena Benedetto]

Just.

[Casey Rocket]

Ms. When men were men, you know what I'm talking about? Talking about when men were men, you

[Alexander Marcano]

know what I'm saying?

[Casey Rocket]

Talking about dressing up like a deer and scaring your Latino neighbors, you know what I'm saying? Como sedice the wendigo. You know what I'm getting at? Talking about when men were men, you

[Jim Florentine]

know what I mean?

[Casey Rocket]

When men were what men, folks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey.

[Casey Rocket]

Talking about when men were men. Talking about calling in late to work because you got caught in a saw trap again, you know what I'm saying? Talking about when men were men.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talking about men were men. Fuck, talk about that, folks.

[Casey Rocket]

Hey, men were what men? I'm talking about talking about adopting a kid, getting him really sick just so you can meet John Cena, you know what I mean? I'm talking. Then avenging Shawn Michaels loss at WrestleMania 23. Talking about men were what men? I'm talking about having a daughter fall in a well, and she comes back every seven days to crawl out of people's television screens, you know what I'm saying? Talking about when men were men, guys, hey, I'm talking about. I'm talking about pulling a gun on Papa John and demanding he apologize for saying the N word.

[Cam Patterson]

You know, you really let us down, Papa.

[Jordan Shelby]

All right.

[Casey Rocket]

Thank you. I'm Casey Rocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have a good night.

[Drew Nickens]

All Right?

[Alexander Marcano]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Casey Rocket, talking about when men were men. When do you think that ended? When did men say stop being men?

[Jim Florentine]

God.

[Casey Rocket]

What do y' all think? 1983, maybe. Probably 83. When was the last year the Celtics won a championship?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe 1983 even it was 83. I think it was either 83 or 83 back when men were men. Casey Rocket, you did it again. Lord has forgiven you for. You did, Riff. Indeed I did.

[Casey Rocket]

I really did. It's just tough, man. When I was a kid, we used to take Roombas to school. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Roombas.

[Drew Nickens]

Roombas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The vacuum cleaner.

[Casey Rocket]

The vacuum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The floor robotic vacuum cleaner. Those were a thing when you were a kid?

[Casey Rocket]

When I was a kid, men were men. We used to take. We used to take Roombas at school. And if it hit a crack, you were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were fucked, man.

[Casey Rocket]

You're going the other way. Hopefully your school was north, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. The old floor compass.

[Casey Rocket]

That's what they call them. The old floor compass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. The Roomba. Do you have a Roomba now?

[Cam Patterson]

Nah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a handheld vacuum cleaner of some kind?

[Cam Patterson]

Nah, man.

[Casey Rocket]

Sorry, I said that kind of cryptically, as if something bad happened with the Roomba. Not since the accident. I don't have a Roomba. The Roombas are just wide enough to suck a kid under. You wouldn't know it. I lost a son. No, I don't have a vacuum. But I'm working on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. That's the sound of a Roomba. For those of you that don't know, that is red band soundboard at full effect. Amazing. How old was your son when the Roomba sucked it up? What do you call that?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sixteen years old. Wow. Tiny little guy.

[Casey Rocket]

But it was a. It's a chicken or the egg. Was it a big Roomba or was it a small sun? And. It was the perfect storm, really. The room was just big enough and my son was just small enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. An afflortion, if you will.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah, really late stage afflortion.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, 16 year old afflortion. I love it. So what else is going on? Casey Rocket Been dealing with that.

[Casey Rocket]

And something like that never really goes away. So I'm trying to make the best of it for now. Yeah, it's been a bad summer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I

[Casey Rocket]

spending time working on my novel and hanging out with you guys.

[Eric Griffin]

Oh, Eric Griffin, your novel. Please tell us more about what you're writing about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm guessing thing it's called When Men Were Men a novel by Casey Rocket.

[Eric Griffin]

Jim, there's a whole Roomba chapter.

[Jim Florentine]

I just want to know how he sits still. To write a book, like, how you have to really sit and focus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have. I. I'm guessing you have a standing table and it's on wheels, and you're on rollerblades, and you're just flying around the room like a Roomba.

[Casey Rocket]

Like a Roomba, huh? You become the thing you hate the most. So interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Casey Rocket. I love the way you get a show started. My friend. You are quite the silliest goose that's ever geesed amongst us. I love your style. A lot of fun stuff happening. He's on tour. Caseyrocket, Comedy dot com. We love you. Thank you, guys. So fun. Appreciate it. And like that, the show has begun. And now things get really, really interesting as we go to our patented Bucket of Destiny, where anything can happen. Obviously. Could be a crazy person. Could be the next talent. Could be somebody that has been signing up for years. Could be somebody who just got here today. Make some noise for your first comedian. Drew Nickens, everybody. Drew Nickens.

[Drew Nickens]

My name is Drew Nickens. I have a head injury from the Air Force. That's why I sound like I took seven Benadryl before I came on stage. I love strip clubs because for $20, you can talk about your favorite episodes of Dawkins Creek. And I came in, and I was halfway through season two, and she goes, jaquavius. Cause I never get my real name in a strip club. She goes, jaquavius. You have such a unique voice. You should be a Muppet character. It hurt. Cause ain't nobody trying to fuck a Muppet. Am I right? Ah, man. I had friends with benefits for a little bit. Yeah, it was real cool. And I used to give her grocery store flowers sex. That means that it wasn't Louis bag or Lambo sex, but it was pretty cool. And she was taking a shower one time, she left her phone, and she came in, and I was like, you know what? Let me call it. Let me see what cute nickname she gives me. Is she gonna give me Marv from Home Alone? Is she gonna give me special needs Jack Harlow? You know what she gave me? The bitch was doing charity work. Charity work was the name of my phone. That's been my time. Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah. Drew Nickens getting the buckets started for us tonight. I think we all have a brain injury now. I love it. Drew, how long you been doing standup?

[Drew Nickens]

I've been doing stand up about six Years, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Where at?

[Drew Nickens]

I live in DFW now. I've done it in DFW for about four years. And I've been in Shreveport before that and College Station, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, a little bit.

[Drew Nickens]

Everywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, You've been everywhere. Right next to each city's nuclear plant.

[Drew Nickens]

I wish it would explain a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened when you were in the Navy? What happened to your brain?

[Drew Nickens]

I was in the Air Force, and I got bullied real bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By your own.

[Drew Nickens]

By people. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Drew Nickens]

But you know what? It's made me realize that I need to treat people kindly and just be the best person I can be. You know, when you get things like that, you can be sad or mean, but you do whatever you can, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going. Keep going. What are you saying? Keep going. Keep. Keep. Keep that flowing.

[Drew Nickens]

I just. I just know that it happened for a reason.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what happened exactly? I got to know now. You bullied somebody and then they bullied you back?

[Drew Nickens]

No, no, no, no. I. I was weirdo. I liked wrestling. I liked Yu Gi. Oh. I was an easy target.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Sometimes this answers the question chicken or the egg? Right here. Do people with brain injuries like wrestling or does the.

[Drew Nickens]

No, no. It was before the brain injury. I liked wrestling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Drew Nickens]

And then I really enj. Hell, yeah, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. Let's go, Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

He should put that joke in his act. They got a laugh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jim Florentine]

He reminds me like a Kramer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

And I think maybe he uses the N word. He might get more laughs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. Eric Griffin.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

I just want to know, so you made it into the Air Force?

[Drew Nickens]

Yes, sir. They'll select. I had a 57, sir. It's a 50 to get in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. We found our Kramer, everybody. Oh, my goodness. So when you say you had a 57, it's a 50 to get in. What do you have to do? What is that score exactly?

[Drew Nickens]

Sir, it's from the asvab. It's a test to score your intelligence in certain areas. So I think I can score, like, a 46 now. Okay, maybe nine points.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think we need all the help we can get. I think they would let you in no problem. What were you doing in the Air Force? Please don't tell me you were flying fighter jets.

[Drew Nickens]

I'm too tall for that. You're about the same height of a pilot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I slop gun over here.

[Drew Nickens]

Yes, sir. I. I was working in basic military, trading as a personnelist. I used to bring the people off the bus, get their paperwork scan Them in Eric Griffin.

[Eric Griffin]

Oh, so you were like the Air Force greeter.

[Drew Nickens]

Goddamn. Like a Walmart greeter. Right.

[Cam Patterson]

Holy.

[Eric Griffin]

He was this guy,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim, what do you think?

[Jim Florentine]

I just want to know how he's a greeter and he gets a brain injury from that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, explain to us the moment that you had the brain injury. You were. You were with the guys. What did they do to you?

[Drew Nickens]

They, they. They beat me up real bad. I stood up for myself because they told me. They were like, drew, you need confidence. You need to stop, like, letting people pick on you. And then I came in and I was like, nah, dog, you ain't gonna do that to me. And then he. Yeah, everything happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened? Tell me what. Tell us what happened. Is it hard for you to talk about it?

[Drew Nickens]

Is. It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Well, then we won't talk about it.

[Drew Nickens]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't want you having. Flash, flash, flash. Wow. I think I'm fucked up.

[Drew Nickens]

It isn't contagious, I swear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know, I'm feeling a kind of. Feel it. I kind of fucking feel it. Okay, so what did the doctor say? That you had a. What did you have a little bleed in your brain or something?

[Drew Nickens]

They just said that I had like a really bad concussion and I got 80% disability from the Air Force, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, 80%. God, what a bunch of cheap fucks. I mean, Jesus, give the poor guy his full fucking hundred percent. Wow. What? And how. Did the guys give you that haircut too, on your way out?

[Drew Nickens]

No, I got it from a guy

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

who's your brain and your whole fucking head, dude.

[Drew Nickens]

No, I got it from a guy who doesn't speak English. I was too afraid to leave the chair, so now I look like a whiter Patrick Mahomes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true, that's true. Okay, so you don't have a job now, right?

[Drew Nickens]

I do. I am a cashier for a legal poker room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, that sounds pretty cool. Here in Austin, Texas?

[Drew Nickens]

No, no, I live in Dallas. I work midnight to eight every Sunday and then I sleep for two hours and then I come here to try and get on kill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, how many times have you signed up for the show?

[Drew Nickens]

I've been signing up for ten and a half months, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been signing up every Monday for ten and a half months?

[Drew Nickens]

Other than three weeks where I lost my wallet and I got a new car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Unbelievable. That is. That is incredible what happens here. This bucket of destiny has a mind of its own. And so do you. There's nothing quite like it. So Tell us more, Drew. You've waited this long, I'll extend the interview. What. What else do you do? What are you up to?

[Drew Nickens]

So, I love the country dance. I'm really good at it, even though I look 2.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[Drew Nickens]

I. I have to have a partner to spin around, but I don't think we got anywhere. O. Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell, yeah. Welcome to the Special Olympics. Holy. This party is already jumping. Wow.

[Drew Nickens]

I did it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness gracious.

[Eric Griffin]

The country feels safer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's wild is I thought. Look at it. I feel like you really clunked up his country dancing, Eric. You were kind of the weakest link in that one. I forgot which one has a hole in their brain for a second. You were looking smooth up there, Drew.

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, other than country dancing, what else are you into?

[Drew Nickens]

I love boxing, if that's shocking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no, this is not good.

[Drew Nickens]

You're up. You're up. I like to watch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you that. Wait a second. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh.

[Drew Nickens]

Gotta be patient, right, Mr. Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell, yeah. Absolutely. Look at you. The craziest thing is you read better than Floyd Mayweather

[Drew Nickens]

and I don't hit women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there you go. There you go. Not yet, you don't. Jim Florentine. No.

[Jim Florentine]

It's too bad he didn't learn boxing before those guys ganged up on him.

[Drew Nickens]

God damn, I could have learned the Philly shell before that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you that may have missed it, by the way, you know, Eric got up and danced with him, then he said he likes boxing, and Eric pointed at Jim and goes, europe. Amazing. Drew, you are so fun. What else about you? Tell us something else.

[Drew Nickens]

So something that D. Manners probably won't believe either. I'm actually half black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're half black?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Zero.

[Drew Nickens]

I knew that was coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Zero percent of the room believes you. Did you think this before the brain injury or was this. Was this one of those things? Like that lady that bumped her head and then she, like, got an Asian accent or whatever?

[Drew Nickens]

No. So my. One of my brothers looks like Klay Thompson. The other one looked like Brittney Griner, and they look like me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Okay, ladies, shut the fuck up. What are you nuts? Jesus Christ. Let me see pictures. Jesus. Someone more retarded than you? Drew, that's fucking incredible. We're having fun. Let me ask you this. Are your parents. What do your parents look like?

[Drew Nickens]

So, my dad looks like Viscera.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A big black guy.

[Drew Nickens]

Big black guy. He's like £450.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six foot, six holy shit.

[Drew Nickens]

I love him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. He's a badass motherfucker. What does your mom look like?

[Drew Nickens]

She's about 5, 10. I'm not gonna give her weight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Albino. She's no she. Red band. You're so stupid. She's white. Yeah, white. He said he's half black and his dad's black. So why would she be an albino? To make it look like that. You don't think your mom may have cheated on your father?

[Drew Nickens]

No. If you see my dad, I look like my dad in the face. And a credit score. The dance moves and something else.

[Josh Castro]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got the old fucking whoa.

[Drew Nickens]

Ooh. God gave me a lot to go wrong, but goddamn, he gave me one thing that could go right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Holy shit. How are we talking about. What are we talking about?

[Drew Nickens]

A big heart? An Alfred trunk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love this guy.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. You are something else, buddy. So you've been doing stand up again for how long would you say?

[Lorena Benedetto]

A year?

[Drew Nickens]

Six years, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six years. What's the longest set you've ever done?

[Drew Nickens]

I. I've done 15 minutes. Four times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

15 minutes, four times. How did that go?

[Drew Nickens]

Longer set I've done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that go for you? Good.

[Drew Nickens]

Great. I did a show at Camus last year and I did really well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where. Where was the show?

[Drew Nickens]

In Dripping Springs, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Wow. Yeah. You got a little Dripping Springs on the side of your mouth. I'm kidding. I'm joking. You don't. I love it. So let me ask you something about this giant fucking cock ears. You use this thing ever. You get to put it to work sometimes. You ever go.

[Drew Nickens]

Sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I love it. Hey, you girls. Yeah.

[Drew Nickens]

I haven't been on a date in two years. It's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You haven't been.

[Drew Nickens]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you something. You ever. You're up in Dallas all the time. You ever. When you've been in Austin, Texas, you ever. You ever give a girl a kiss? You haven't had an Austin kiss yet?

[Drew Nickens]

No, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, we do a little segment on this show. We do a little segment on this show called Kiss Me. We've been doing it for years and years and years. And I always say, kill Tony. By far the best comedy fans on planet Earth. Is there a. Is there a. Is there a female out there that wants to come up here and fucking steal the show tonight? Drew, Nick, you. Oh, Eric, you don't point at the person. Jesus Christ. Is there, Sweetheart? Come on up here. Get up here, lady. Come on. Who's got her hand up back there. Oh, my goodness.

[Eric Griffin]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here she comes, ladies and gentlemen. The shit is about to go down. How many of you have been fans of the show for a long time? Oh, my goodness. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

[Drew Nickens]

I got brain damage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome. I think we're about to see exact. What kind of pants are you wearing, Drew? We might be able to see that fucking. This chick looks cute, dude. We might see the full. Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on, hold on a second. Wait, wait. I haven't kissed a girl in Austin yet either. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. This is about to be one of the greatest moments, I'm calling it right now in our 11 year history. Ladies and gentlemen, what's your name? Riley. Riley. Riley. I love it. You work at the Betty. Oh, yeah. One of the newest bars here in town. We love the Betty. Ladies and gentlemen, Riley, you are about to make absolute history. This, Take a breath. Is Drew's first Austin kiss with a fucking 10 from Austin, Texas. Kiss me.

[Drew Nickens]

Kiss me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Riley. You are unbelievable. Riley, Riley, Riley. Take a joke book. Take a joke book. There you go. Would you like to be on the secret show Thursday

[Drew Nickens]

or Tuesday

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

or tonight?

[Casey Rocket]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Eric Griffin]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is kill tony. Drew, you waited ten and a half months. You've been driving fucking two and a half hours every Monday for ten and a half months. And you just left a 17 minute impact on this show in front of over a million people. Congratulations. Here's the big joke book. You know what? I'd love to have you on the secret joke. The secret show.

[Drew Nickens]

He booked it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The secret show. His first Austin kiss and his first kil. Tony. One more time for Drew Nickens, everybody. Yes. And so it has begun. We are the number one comedy show in the world.

[Drew Nickens]

Ow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is the hottest chick that. That's ever come up to this, like. And there's. I don't think we've ever done it with a fully brain damaged guy before. That. This is magic.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah, that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That.

[Eric Griffin]

That was pretty amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's pretty amazing.

[Eric Griffin]

You know, and it was dark over there, so I thought a monster was gonna walk up, you know, And I was like, oh.

[Drew Nickens]

And then I was like, oh.

[Eric Griffin]

Even I was feeling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's unbelievable. It was a fucking 11. Which is also how big his dick is. Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

How crazy is that?

[Drew Nickens]

That?

[Jim Florentine]

He had a horrible set. So I guess this is going to be really bad. And then all of a sudden he makes out with a 10 and he's doing red Band show on Thursday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's unbelievable.

[Drew Nickens]

Dreams happen on Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that was our first bucket pull of the night. We gotta keep it moving, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, hard to follow. Make some noise for your next bucket poll. Alexander Marcano. Alexander Marcano.

[Drew Nickens]

Holy shit.

[Alexander Marcano]

Austin, Texas. There are a lot of people in here. And I also have never kissed a girl. All right, I am under prepared and overstimulated, so let's get into it. I studied statistics. People think that means I'm good at math. I'm good at gambling. That's what I'm good at. I like to take risk. And there's no better example of that than my dating life. The women I like are not what you would call a safe investment. All right, moving on. I think people are going back to all natural, organic, you know, non gmo. But have you tried ecstasy? I think it's pretty good. I think it's delicious. I say try it. Unless you're my employer, in which case I never have and I never would. I'm from Chicago. We've been getting a lot of your care packages, Texas. I'm talking about the migrants on the buses. Yes, we've been getting them. All right, I think I'll cut the joke before I embarrass myself. Thank you very much.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

think you already embarrassed yourself. What was that? How was that joke going to end? Come on, let's just plow through it. Alexander, you just got buried by a guy with half a brain. So it's okay. Let's talk about how is that joke going to end. Buses, migrants, you're in Chicago. Go ahead.

[Alexander Marcano]

Well, you know, it's just a little. It's difficult for me. Right. Seeing people on the streets, they look like me, they speak my language, they share my culture. It all just makes me feel superior. No, just kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're. They're funnier than you. The migrants are funnier than you. Straight off the bus, funnier than you. Alexander. Hello. Welcome.

[Alexander Marcano]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a good looking guy. No brain damage whatsoever.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable how weird this show is.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Bro.

[Drew Nickens]

Bro. I'm sorry.

[Eric Griffin]

I was just thinking that like that guy was so weird, so retarded, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

You know what I mean? And we were like loving everything about him. And you come up here all handsome and like. We're just kind of like you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it is incredible. Alexander Marcano, how long have you been doing stand up comedy? I'm so nervous. Even though I ask everybody, I'm really nervous right now. To ask you that. I get the feeling about a year. Oh, okay.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's terrible. It's okay. All of it in Chicago?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, I started in Orlando.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you live here now?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, I live in Chicago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what made you start in Orlando?

[Alexander Marcano]

Oh, that's just where I lived. I'm from Orlando, Florida, and then I moved from Orlando.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you move to Chicago?

[Eric Griffin]

Work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you work at a bank or something close.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, I work at a consulting firm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, okay. All right, Alexander, what made you want to start stand up comedy? Did somebody tell you you're funny?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, unfortunately I just like watching it, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Has it gone well for you?

[Alexander Marcano]

I've had better nights.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Better nights than this?

[Alexander Marcano]

Yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Better night than this. Somebody laughed at some point.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yes, there was a time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay, what's

[Drew Nickens]

the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your process exactly? Like, what do you. When you're writing a joke? Like, what are you doing? Are you sitting behind a desk? Are you at your office?

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, I'm usually. I'm usually sitting at a desk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At work or at your place?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, no, no, I do this alone. I wouldn't. I wouldn't do this around people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You shouldn't do it around people. That's exactly what I was getting at is you should not do comedy around people. I think you're more of a by yourself kind of guy.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perhaps zoom comedy or something like that. Okay, so let's talk about it, Alexander. What else? Have you ever done anything else entertainment wise?

[Alexander Marcano]

Not for an audience, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What have you done? Not for an audience. Only fans. Yeah, seriously, like what?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, I mean, I like to go around Chicago, take pictures. I like to box. Just kind of like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You box, you box?

[Alexander Marcano]

I mean, not with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, let's see. Put the mic in the mic stand. Let's see some shadow boxing.

[Drew Nickens]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Who the fuck do you think you're talk.

[Eric Griffin]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. All right, hold on. Stop, stop, stop. I have an idea. Oh, no. How many of you think we should bring Drew back up here? I'm just kidding. No, just kidding. That would be the saddest episode of Kill Tony ever where it's like, wait, we found the most likable guy and then he died. Some guy who just bombed beat him to death. What do you guys think over here?

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah, I think he looks like the guy that gave the guy brain damage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He may have been.

[Eric Griffin]

You know what I mean?

[Jim Florentine]

He got more laugh shadow boxing than a stand up. He's too good looking to do stand up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

You know, when you can't. It's not believable when he's saying he's not getting girls and they're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Jim Florentine]

His type. Yeah, he's getting a lot of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

This is what comedy's supposed to look

[Cam Patterson]

like,

[Eric Griffin]

so go fuck yourself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I mean? But you are a good looking guy. You have. You do good with the ladies, obviously. You a ladies man?

[Alexander Marcano]

Not as well as you all are making me out to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Why do you think that is? Where's the hiccup?

[Alexander Marcano]

Probably I'm not as funny as I need to be, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, but I mean, some girls are just in. I mean, you're financially secure, correct? Very financially secure. Oh, look at this. Jesus Christ, Riley, don't look at him like that. Very financially secure. What are we talking about, quarter mil a year?

[Alexander Marcano]

No, no, no, please, no. I make a modest living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's that, six figures? Yeah, 120 a year?

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, let's say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's say indeed.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you have your own, what, little apartment in Chicago.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, I got a nice two bedroom. Just me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like how you look at the audience when you say something you're proud of. Yeah, I make a modest living. Yeah, you know, a two bedroom. He's hypnotizing us. You think I'm funny? Amazing. Alexander, what else? What do you do for fun? What's the wild side of Alexander Marcano? You kind of seem like a guy from Chicago that works at a consulting firm.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, I mean that. That is true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the wild side? You have a. You have a membership to like a something or what do you.

[Alexander Marcano]

No, I don't have any memberships to anything, my friends. I like to go to Vegas once a year. We go on a binge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do there?

[Alexander Marcano]

A lot of gambling and a lot of illicit substances.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. What kind of substance are you? A little wolf of Wall street over there?

[Alexander Marcano]

I mean, I. I've never done cocaine. I feel like that one might. Might be a little dangerous for me, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Well, how illicit do you get?

[Alexander Marcano]

I like the psychedelics. I think they're fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You go to Vegas and do psychedelics or Molly?

[Alexander Marcano]

I don't know where Molly falls in the category, but somewh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, look at you. What's the most fun thing you've done on Molly? I can't picture you on Molly whatsoever.

[Alexander Marcano]

Well, Orlando has a bunch of raves, so I was at a rave in Orlando. That was my Molly experience.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What happened there? How'd that go for you?

[Alexander Marcano]

I actually got it for free, which I've been told you shouldn't take.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is correct.

[Alexander Marcano]

But they seem trustworthy. They said they liked me, and I'm a sucker for people that like me. So I said, all right, I'll try it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, luckily, you don't have to worry about too many people liking you. Alexander.

[Eric Griffin]

Dude, I was gonna say you make everything sound boring as fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you know, you said you went

[Eric Griffin]

to a rave with Molly, and everybody in here is like, oh, I don't

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

know if I want to go to that.

[Eric Griffin]

You gotta, like, loosen up, man. God damn. So I was at a. I went

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to a rave at.

[Eric Griffin]

It was Molly

[Drew Nickens]

that I got from.

[Eric Griffin]

Free from a black guy on the street.

[Jim Florentine]

Did you at least get laid at the rave?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. What. When's the last time you got laid?

[Alexander Marcano]

A week ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so, like, how did that go down? You have a steady girl in Chicago?

[Alexander Marcano]

We broke up, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You broke up a week ago?

[Alexander Marcano]

About.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what happened? Take us through that process. Oh, man. It's okay. It's all right. This is a show about honesty. Oh, that's the sound of her leaving, everybody. We have the audio of her leaving. I'm out of here. Alexander, you're fucking boring. Okay, so what happened?

[Alexander Marcano]

I felt that she was about to tell me she loved me, and I thought, better to get out now.

[Drew Nickens]

Whoa,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this. Can you believe this?

[Eric Griffin]

Dude, Every pussy in this room just dried up.

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, because it's. I, I. It's because I, I have feelings for someone else. Yes, I know. Yeah. And I felt wrong. I felt like it wasn't right to stay in the relationship, so I ended it.

[Jordan Shelby]

That's.

[Alexander Marcano]

That's why.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Eric Griffin]

This is the only time women would be like, where's the. Have you seen the spongebob?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. So what made you think she. First of all, how long were you with this girl that you thought was going to tell you that she loved you?

[Alexander Marcano]

Only, like, two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Only, like, two months. And what made you feel like she was going to tell you that she loved you?

[Alexander Marcano]

Well, we were. You know, she was inviting me over to meet her friends and things were moving along, so I just felt like, what else?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else was moving along? She. It took two months for her to introduce you to her friends? That sounds better than right on pace.

[Alexander Marcano]

No, but, but just. I don't know. We just spend a lot of time together. It felt like we were getting close.

[Eric Griffin]

Ah.

[Alexander Marcano]

Just. I don't. I just got nervous, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There was the sex. Fun.

[Alexander Marcano]

Oh, great.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what was it about the other girl that you liked more?

[Alexander Marcano]

Who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You would know. Only you would know. It's a question for you that only you could answer. What, literally? I'll tell you who doesn't know. Fernando Castillo. Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa. Huevos rancheros. And Michael Gonzalez. Eric Griffin. Jim Florentine.

[Eric Griffin]

What's your name? He doesn't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He doesn't know. Drew Nickens might know. Okay, all right. Okay. Well, let me. Go ahead, Eric.

[Eric Griffin]

So you were. You're in love with one girl.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

Then you started seeing another girl for two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Alexander Marcano]

When I started dating my girlfriend, okay, I did not have these feelings for this other girl. I thought I was over her. It was a previous engagement.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Eric Griffin]

Well, guess what? Janet's here now. Janet.

[Drew Nickens]

Come on out,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim.

[Jim Florentine]

I just want to know what the girl's gonna, she's gonna see this, obviously, this episode.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

That he broke up with her right before she's gonna say, I love you. What is she gonna think?

[Alexander Marcano]

Yeah, I mean, I, I, I tried to explain.

[Jim Florentine]

And did she know about the other girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Jim Florentine]

You got to put this episode up tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna give you a little joke book, Alexander. We got to keep the show moving along. No doubt about it. And during Alexander's. During. Go ahead. Go ahead, Alexander. During his interview. I'm gonna be honest with you. It's my show. I decide everything that happens here. And I made a decision in my own brain. And I thought to myself, you know, Alexander took so much energy out of this room that I'm gonna do something I've never done before. I checked to see if somebody had another minute. Ready? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the return of Drew N.

[Drew Nickens]

You know, back in the 90s, you used to be able to do porn and then buy out all the tapes in your tri state area. And no one would know that you got gang bang. But the Internet, it's forever. And you know, they have kids, porn stars, and Aiden Kate, and they're Jayden. They'll be like, hey, clean your room. And they'll be like, no, mom, I saw you got gang banged by 10 guys. I'm not doing anything. Well, I have a real skeleton in my closet. I used to be a battle rapper and I was so terrible. I named myself after Tom Hanks. I named myself Lance Corona. Y' all want to hear some bars? When your girl mad at you, she said, get over here. Like scorpion. I give that girl that Deadly deed, that assisted suicide, that Dr. Kevorkian. You, girl want me so badly I fell up in that pussy like. My name is Sean Bradley. Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. A minute, 20 seconds from Drew Nickens, the first ever comedian to do two sets on Kill Tony in its history.

[Drew Nickens]

I got.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I.

[Eric Griffin]

I want to say the power of Kill Tony. You go on Kill Tony one time, and the second time you come out, you came out here like you were fucking Eddie Murphy. This motherfucker came out the second time

[Drew Nickens]

like, oh, all right. It's good to be back. He was talking about pussy. This guy he's wearing. What happened backstage?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He comes out wearing a leather suit.

[Eric Griffin]

We opened the curtain. Riley was like,

[Jim Florentine]

This could be the biggest comeback in comedy history. This is the. I've never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is unbelievable.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30 minutes kiss does to him.

[Jim Florentine]

One kiss. The energy, it came out the second time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The confidence, it is unbelievable. He's a new man. Thirty minutes ago, nobody knew what a Drew Nickens was. He came out literally to 70% of the people got on their feet. I don't know if that translated to fucking the video, but it is. We want. Drew. People are yelling over here on the side of the room, Drew, how did you feel after that set?

[Drew Nickens]

I feel a lot better after that one. Thank you all for giving me a second chance. I appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew, stay close. Have another minute. Ready?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna get back to the bucket, and if we need you, I'm gonna fucking bring you out.

[Drew Nickens]

Be ready.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every time somebody bombs tonight, we're bringing back Drew Nickens. You better start right, motherfucker. All right, back to the bucket. We go

[Eric Griffin]

get some panties. Ready to throw up here too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about a hand for Heidi, ladies and gentlemen? Heidi's gonna. All right, forget. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Jordan Shelby, everybody. Here we go. Jordan Shelby.

[Jordan Shelby]

Hey, guys, my name's Jordan. Thank you. I'm 29. If I've learned anything in my life, it's that the saying is true. Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and two years later, he'll. Your girlfriend. This joke is for Steven. Why'd you do that? You guys ever think about what. What white gang signs would look like? Oh, what's up, motherfucker?

[Drew Nickens]

Oh.

[Alexander Marcano]

Oh, shit.

[Jordan Shelby]

Oh, you're on the wrong block, bitch. Kick your fucking ass, brother. Oh, I'm Jordan.

[Eric Griffin]

Thank you, guys.

[Jordan Shelby]

Have a good night, everybody. Bye.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Jordan Shelby. Beat. That was fucking amazing. Oh, my goodness. That was great, man.

[Jordan Shelby]

Thanks. Johnny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi, how are you?

[Jordan Shelby]

Good, how are you guys?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jordan works here at the Mothership full time. Have you been on this show before though? I can't remember. No, never. And it's kind of crazy. I've never seen you do standup before. You know, sometimes I randomly will walk through the back of the little boy while some people are on and this and that, but. But I never have gotten to see you. And you, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna be honest with you. For some reason I didn't think you would be that funny. You don't seem to be that funny, but it's like a big misdirect when you are. It makes it a surprise and that's fucking awesome. Your stuff is very, very silly and well written and smart and not expected at all.

[Alexander Marcano]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You kinda look like you would be like a stoner, kinda like dumb joke guy. So when it's kind of smart and silly, it's a relief and a fun release. Eric Griffin.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah, man. I gotta say too, after all that energy from the other guy, you came out here, you did it steady. A little rocky at first, but then when you hit him, hit us with the Steve joke, we all were like this. Okay, good. Finally somebody's funny. So good job, man. That really was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, fantastic. How long have you been doing stand up?

[Jordan Shelby]

About seven.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven years. All of it here in Austin. Where you from?

[Jordan Shelby]

First three were in la.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Jordan Shelby]

Mainly open mics and then I moved out here with Dylan Sullivan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, we love Dylan. Comedy Store guy. Did you get to spend some time at the Comedy Store before?

[Jordan Shelby]

I was kind of too early. It was like a fortress. So I was just hiding doing open mics. And then when the opportunity to come out here, I came with Gotcha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Absolutely amazing. So seven years. And you're from LA originally? Born and raised, yes, sir. Which part?

[Jordan Shelby]

Hollywood proper. Until I was like 11 and then the valley.

[Drew Nickens]

Wow. 11, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Being raised in Hollywood is crazy. That is such a rare interesting thing. What did your parents do for work?

[Jordan Shelby]

My. My dad's from LA too. He plays the saxophone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Jordan Shelby]

That's all he does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Look out. Carlos Sosa. Raul Vallejo or Fernando Castillo. I'm not really. That might be. I'm not really sure which one that is. I'm just kidding. It's Carlos Sosa. I'm kidding, like I'm kidding. It's WebOS Rancheros. I know which one it is.

[Jordan Shelby]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your dad plays the sax.

[Jordan Shelby]

Yeah, my Dad's so much better than that guy at Saxon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, stop it. No, he's not, you crazy bastard. Carlos plays with Zack Brown in football stadiums every Saturday. He's not raising children on this dirty streets of Hollywood. Yeah. So your dad does that professionally? Yes, sir, at a high level.

[Eric Gallegos]

Pretty high.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are some of his. Like, what does he do regularly?

[Jordan Shelby]

He only plays. He's really good.

[Eric Gallegos]

Saxophone.

[Jordan Shelby]

It's all he does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, like, where. Where. Where does he play? Where?

[Jordan Shelby]

Oh, he. The last time Phil Collins was touring, he tour with Phil.

[Drew Nickens]

He was in the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right. Okay, okay. That's a name to drop, okay? That's respect, Mason.

[Eric Griffin]

Checkmate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's his name?

[Jordan Shelby]

Oh, he's gonna love George Shelby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

George Shelby. Hi, dad. Hell, yeah.

[Jordan Shelby]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, son. Thank you. It wasn't Steve. It was me all along.

[Jordan Shelby]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a funny guy, Jordan.

[Jordan Shelby]

That me, not my girlfriend, am I right? Oh, no, P. Daddy, I was not right. They hated that. They hated that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's crazy, Jordan. I love it. What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas?

[Jordan Shelby]

Oh, man, just doing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just do this. Amazing. Amazing.

[Jordan Shelby]

And I watch parkour videos and that's about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Shelby]

Just grinding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I like your style, man. What's the longest set you've ever done?

[Jordan Shelby]

30 something. 30 something plus. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Yes, sir, I'd love to have you on the secret show if you can

[Drew Nickens]

get out of work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Brian. And a big joke book. Jordan Shelby, welcome to the Kill Tony universe. That was one of those jealous jokes, you know, like, wow, that was amazing. Very, very funny. Very, very distinct, cool voice. Oh, thank you so much. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? Come on, a little. Fuck it. Oh, Jesus. All right. Guess I'm gonna get trash tonight. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we've been having fun up until this point. And now it's time to go to one of the cornerstones of the show. This young man is a fucking sensation. You know him, you love him. This is a brand new minute from Kill Tony's own Cam Patter. My.

[Cam Patterson]

My uncle had. He smoked a lot of crack. He a crackhead. And he had relapsed a couple days ago, he came back home. When I was back, he had like a bunch of lumps on his face and one of his arms was broken. And that's not funny, bitch. And he was telling the whole family, he was like, I was in a really bad car accident. I did not relapse on crack. And everybody was like, nigga, you relapsed. I Promise you, I did not relapse on crack. I was in a really bad car accident. And a couple days later, he was like, hey, nephew, can you take me to the store real quick? And I took him to the store and he was like, let me tell you something. Everybody in the family believed me when I said I got in a car accident. But I really relapsed on crack. And I was in the west end of Atlanta, and these young niggas was beating my ass. Cause I had some money on me. They tried to extort me, right? And I wasn't finna get my money. Cause I'm not a bitch, right? And they were beating me up, and I thought I was gonna die. And when I thought I was gonna die, I said, hey, hold on. Stop. Stop beating me up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a minute.

[Cam Patterson]

If you gonna kill me, let me smoke crack one more time. And he said, you know what they did, nephew? They let me smoke some crack and they let me go home. Them some good people, he said. He said, I didn't relapse on crack. Crack saved my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable.

[William Montgomery]

Unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. You did it yet again.

[Cam Patterson]

I was a risk one right there. I ain't know if I did that one yet. I was scared, like, did I talk about crack at this one time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we're gonna find out, that's for sure.

[Cam Patterson]

They definitely gonna tell us if I did. Goddamn it. Can I tell you something, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I've never kissed a girl in Austin before.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, you ain't shit. I ain't a. I ain't never kissed

[Cam Patterson]

no in Austin before,

[Drew Nickens]

Howard. You want me to be. I ain't never kiss.

[Cam Patterson]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we'll see about that. We'll see about that. 90% of the girls that come up here for the kiss me segment, you would literally be like, no, I've kissed a girl. I'm good. I'm good. I've kissed, bro.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm tell you some real shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

When you said it, I was like, this is gonna be some big ass, ogre, dirty, ugly bitch.

[Casey Rocket]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

And then. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right?

[Cam Patterson]

God's daughter walked out like, good.

[Eric Griffin]

Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was truly unbelievable, man.

[Cam Patterson]

She is beautiful. I love you. Yeah, yeah, I know where she at. I love you. Yeah, I know. I seen the whole. I was here the whole time, nigga. I been in the room. I love her. Yeah, it's okay. You kiss the retard, baby. You feel what I'm saying? I like rocks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Unbelievable. Un. Fucking believable. She works at the Betty, the best new bar in Austin, Texas. You Gotta fucking go there sometime.

[Casey Rocket]

Final.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gotta stop hanging out in the fucking freezer of comedy clubs and go hang out sometime in the actual city. Okay. Eric Griffin. You've seen Cam before?

[Eric Griffin]

No, I'm this. I just feel Riley might be a little scared.

[Cam Patterson]

Why would she be scared of me? Well, I don't know.

[Eric Griffin]

Who is she?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Eric Griffin]

I mean, oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

oh, oh.

[Eric Griffin]

I. I would want to ask Riley

[Drew Nickens]

who.

[Eric Griffin]

Who her father would be most disappointed by.

[Drew Nickens]

The retard

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

or. You say it. Only you can say it, Eric.

[Drew Nickens]

N. We know what we're saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

I saw Riley run out of the room real fast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. Cam, why do you have a robber's mask on?

[Cam Patterson]

It's not.

[Drew Nickens]

It's a ski.

[Cam Patterson]

It's a skiing mask. I'd be going skiing sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's so funny?

[Drew Nickens]

I'll be skiing and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Austin.

[Cam Patterson]

No, I'm lying. Like, I've never skied in my life. I ain't got no haircut, and I wear this like a. I wear this like, so I don't got to show my hairline.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, cool.

[Cam Patterson]

I'll be thinking about like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like Dave Attell. There you go. What else is going on?

[Cam Patterson]

I think I. I did a couple days with Bert in some arenas. That was cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell, yeah. Arenas with the great Bert Chrysler. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How'd that go?

[Cam Patterson]

It was. It was amazing. It was. It was a great learning experience. I was with some real veterans of the game, so it was cool to be around and see, like, you know what I'm saying? All that shit was dope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have fun after those shows.

[Cam Patterson]

It was dope. We made knives and shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, we made knives. We went. We played disc golf. That's not a good game. I hate that game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Disc golf is fucking stupid, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no.

[Cam Patterson]

Disc golf. The dumbest game of all time. I hate disc golf.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

Y' all just made that. Cause y' all not athletic enough to do other sports. Like.

[Drew Nickens]

Well, just stand here.

[Cam Patterson]

Fuck that hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just stand here and throw it.

[Drew Nickens]

It'll be fine. Fuck y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Cam Patterson]

Fuck y'. All. And disco off. I lost real bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's fun. You just got to have somebody show you how to do it. You got to keep your arms straight.

[Cam Patterson]

I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You went like. I can already tell what the. You were doing. I already. I know you well enough to know how you would throw a spe. Yeah. De just said you'd be flailing. You be flailing around.

[Cam Patterson]

Would you play disc golf?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you? Would you play disc golf?

[Eric Griffin]

Are you talking to the blind guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D Madness. I guarantee you is better at disc golf than Cam Patterson. He understands the fundamentals and aerodynamics of a disc Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

Cam, keep touring with Bert. Then you'll be playing pickleball soon, too.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, that game's stupid, too.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, it's corny. White people play.

[Cam Patterson]

Y' all made mini tennis, Y' all man it. That's why I like to call it stupid little tennis. Call it dumbass tennis. Can we talk about the again? I love her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you want to throw your disc in her, huh? Got that right. You prefer white women over black women?

[Cam Patterson]

Nah, nope, nah. I would not answer that question on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let the record show that is the first time in his history on the show that Cam has pleaded the fifth.

[Cam Patterson]

I love my grandma. Nigga, you crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. Your grandma watches every episode since the

[Cam Patterson]

last one, since Tucker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Love it. Yeah, Grandma's famous now. I love it. Well, I mean, Cam, what can I say? You're a fucking. You're the man. You did it again. You make it look easy every single week. It is. Is not at all. And anybody who thinks it is, I double dog dare you to try it. You're the man. Cam Patterson on tour. Go to his link tree on his Instagram for tour tickets.

[Cam Patterson]

I love you, white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was throwing him hearts the whole

[Drew Nickens]

time, but I didn't want to, like, tell him that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We got to keep moving along. Ladies. Ladies and gentlemen. Back to the bucket we go. Makes the noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Dubs General. Dubs General everybody, here he is. Dubs General

[Eric Griffin]

I'm afraid of retarded people. When I was growing up, my mom worked at a place. We called it the Helmet place. Cause everybody had on helmets. My dad would drop me off at my mom's job and say, go and get your mama. You know how scary it is at nine years old when you hear this sound? It's okay. They not in here. The reason why I'm really afraid of retarded people is because I watched the movie the Goonies. Anybody else? Just me. If you didn't.

[Drew Nickens]

Hey, you guys.

[Eric Griffin]

Y' all know that retarded people are the strongest people on earth. I was watching this retarded porn. Don't judge me. And the dude was jacking off, and he ripped his whole dick off.

[Josh Castro]

He was like,

[Eric Griffin]

all right, that's enough for me. My name is Doves General Y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Eric Griffin]

Thank y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Don't you do it. Hold On a second here. Hold on a second here. First of all, I have to pre pull another name out of this fucking bucket. You just did a whole set minute long. You said retarded 15 times.

[Drew Nickens]

True.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you think it went?

[Eric Griffin]

Better than the last time. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't imagine what happened last time.

[Eric Griffin]

Better than last time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, what the happened last time?

[Eric Griffin]

Last time I got zero laughs. And then I said that I opened for you and you was like, yeah, you didn't do well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. You reminded me that I let you open for me in one show at the end. Improv in Tampa, right?

[Eric Griffin]

Two shows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tampa. Oh, you did two in Tampa. Okay. Yeah, we had two in the same night.

[Eric Griffin]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. And it didn't go that great. Didn't, right? No, it didn't. And I can't have people opening and not doing great cuz it doesn't set a good tone for the show. Very true, but that's right, you reminded me of that. I was just asking about the set, but you reminded me of an entire terrible evening of comedy that you did.

[Eric Griffin]

Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

I didn't know David Lucas took Ozempic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you know what, I'm just gonna. I'm gonna keep it moving along here. You already have a little joke book, right?

[Eric Griffin]

No, I do not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't?

[Eric Griffin]

No, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, here's one.

[Eric Griffin]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes, Dubs Jeff, ladies and gentlemen. And you know, I mean, there's many, many names in this bucket. Like I said, 250 names. But every once in a while, again, I just have to fucking use my power. And you know, when a guy does a minute and he wants to say the word retard and he wants to make Goonies references during his set, I think there's only one thing we can do. I present to you a brand new

[Drew Nickens]

minute by Drew Nicket. Dating apps are tough for me when I have a head injury. I swear to God, it is hard to convince someone when you look like Sloth from the Goonies that you are not going to kidnap them in a hundred. 140 characters or less. I had this girl, her name was Rylan. She was a good girl. I loved her. She said, drew, you need some hoes in your life. Let me take over your dating app profile. And I got you. I came in, I went, oh, this is gonna be romantic. There's gonna be no matches. And she's gonna be like, you're the match for me and I'm gonna get a girlfriend, guys. And then she Came in, she goes. Week later, she's like, I got the sauce for you. I open up my dating apps, and it looks like a special needs bus. There was a girl with a colostomy bag. There was a girl with a wheelchair. Like, I wanna paralyze you. I don't want you to be paralyzed already. All right, that's been my time. Thank y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, people are on their feet in Austin, Texas. The first comedian to do two sets, the first comedian to do three. Reset. This is the return of Drew Nickens. Drew, every time I send you back, you come back funnier.

[Drew Nickens]

What's going on back there?

[Eric Griffin]

I think I'll get some of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know, but it's just Riley and Heidi back there, so I don't think it's hard to figure out what's going on back there. This guy's busting nuts and taking names. Holy. How do you feel, Drew?

[Drew Nickens]

I feel so good right now. I'm going out of work tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you know, of course, this is. It's unprecedented what's happening here. It's a true break from format. From now on, people that do great on this show are going to be like, I did great, but they only had me up once. I'm famous now. I can sell tickets for the rest of my life. But, I mean, I'm no Drew, Nick, Him and mom months.

[Drew Nickens]

You guys are great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. It is great. You crazy bastard. Eric Griffin.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

This feels like one of those feel good episodes of American Idol, you know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like.

[Eric Griffin]

Like, you're gonna have to do like a whole a package about him before the show. We're gonna have to go to the air force base.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I mean?

[Eric Griffin]

We get to talk to the guys. Like, you know, I didn't know when I hit him that it was gonna be like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

oh, that guy's going to get killed. Yeah, the Kill Tony fans are going to find that.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah, just give us. Give us some names.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, Jim.

[Jim Florentine]

I think the kiss turned his whole set around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

You know, he started off. I mean, first of all, he does, like, his worst material when he first comes out. And then he has his killer material a second and third time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. He's coming out guns ablaze.

[Jim Florentine]

Like, why wouldn't you do that the first time? This stuff that you did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's brain damaged. He doesn't know what the going on. What kind of question is that?

[Drew Nickens]

Where have you been?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It took three. It took three. It took three sets For Jim to be like, what are you, Drew? This is amazing what's happening here tonight.

[Eric Griffin]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. We're having fun in this goddamn room. I'm telling you. Go back there, come up with another minute. Anything can happen. This is Kill Tony. There he goes. We gotta keep it moving along. All right. Back to the bucket we go. A brand new minute, a brand new comedian. Make some noise for Josh Castro, everybody. Josh Castro.

[Josh Castro]

What's up? I believe in conspiracy theories, but I have friends that believe in weirder conspiracy. Conspiracy theories. So I always try to out conspire them. You know what I mean? Fight fire with fire. They always tell me. Weird conspiracy theories. They tell me, josh, did you know that the earth is flat? And that's what I tell them with. That's what I hit them with. Yeah, but did you know that the Olsen twins killed Bob Saget? Think about it. Everything they touch dies. Their career, their appetite. Heath Ledger. Oh, sorry. A lot of Full House fans. I'm sorry. I'll go ahead and cut it out, guys. I'll cut that out. I also believe in another dumb conspiracy theory. I don't believe that Stevie Wonder is really blind. Think about it. He's been telling us in his songs this whole time, isn't she lovely? How would he know? Very superstitious riding on.

[Cam Patterson]

How would he know?

[Josh Castro]

There's. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think we're getting to the point now where people purposefully aren't laughing so that I bring out Drew Nickens again. You gotta really earn these laughs tonight. My goodness. Josh Castro. You look like an unfunny Jared Nathan. You know Jared Bad to the Bone? Never heard of him. He's a. He's a guy that's globally mentally challenged who's also funnier than you.

[Josh Castro]

Oh, man. Jeez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lot of. A lot of amazingly talented handicapped people that come to this show. Yeah.

[Eric Griffin]

Let this be a message to all the pretty white women in here right now. You could change the world With a kiss Just one kiss from you One kiss from you One kiss from you could change well, I don't know if it can help him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Josh is indeed struggling. Your glasses are fogging up from the insides. It is incredible. You are sweating. You're nervous right now. Yeah. Okay. How long you been doing standup?

[Josh Castro]

A couple years now. About nine years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nine years?

[Josh Castro]

More or less.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You say couple years? Nine years, yeah. Couple years. Nine years. You know that a couple is two. Like a happy couple.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Two people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you said nine. That's a jump. That's a cool. That's a jump. So, okay, how long have you really been doing it? Nine years?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, More or less.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay. Where at. Where have you been doing the nine years at here?

[Josh Castro]

Starting? I started in San Antonio, and then I came up here to Austin for a while. So I've been here. Out here in Austin. Austin?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in Austin?

[Josh Castro]

I live in the outskirts in Leander.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. There you go. That makes sense. What do you do for work?

[Josh Castro]

I work at a taco truck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, all right. Yeah. Michael Gonzalez literally just goes, yeah, this is the most Mexican humanly possible. What are your tacos like?

[Josh Castro]

They're called drowned tacos. They're called El Peritos. That's the name of the restaurant down south.

[Drew Nickens]

Thousand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, okay. Yeah, Michael. Guys, do we know about this place?

[Josh Castro]

Try it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They've never heard of it.

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, El Parito. Yeah, El Chuco. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, someone knows about it.

[Eric Griffin]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's pretty badass. Is it your taco truck?

[Josh Castro]

No, it's my friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you just work for your buddy?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, I work for my friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Does that pay well?

[Drew Nickens]

It's.

[Josh Castro]

It's a job, so it gets me by gas money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Gas money indeed. Do you live by yourself?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say pretty much, like, I mean, your answers are so diabolically insane.

[Jim Florentine]

What? I think he means he lives with a couple people, which is nine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Josh Castro]

One for every year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. You know, I live with this happy couple. It's a. There's 17 of us.

[Drew Nickens]

Us. Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so when you say pretty much, what exactly do you mean?

[Josh Castro]

I have a roommate that just moved out, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Why'd your roommate move out?

[Josh Castro]

Just didn't work out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why didn't it work out?

[Josh Castro]

She got pregnant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not by me.

[Cam Patterson]

Not by me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Holy shit. Someone's jerking off into your chorizo over there. She got pregnant, but not by you. But she was Latina as well. Yeah, absolutely. That's what they do. Okay, so she got pregnant, and she moved in with the guy that got her pregnant.

[Josh Castro]

I'm guessing she left.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So are you looking for a roommate?

[Josh Castro]

Nah, we're good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say we, when you say we, who are you talking about?

[Josh Castro]

Me and my wife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You said you live alone. How long have you been with your wife?

[Josh Castro]

About 10 years. Same as comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 years?

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More than just a couple years. Okay, okay. 10 years with your wife. And what does she do for a living?

[Josh Castro]

She works at a bank.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She works at a bank? Yeah. What does she do at the bank? She's a teller.

[Josh Castro]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. She works at the bank. And you have kids?

[Josh Castro]

No kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do. How is it she's Latina as well?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How is it possible you've been with the Same woman for 10 years and you don't have a kid? What exactly is going on over there? There? You're not shooting your horchata down the highway. What's going on?

[Josh Castro]

That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Josh Castro]

Limonada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean?

[Josh Castro]

It's a different drink.

[Cam Patterson]

Lemonade.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a different drink. Lemonade. Your cum is yellow. I am lost over here. My goodness gracious. You don't have sex, huh?

[Cam Patterson]

Who.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why is your come yellow?

[Josh Castro]

No, I'm just saying it's not. It's not yellow.

[Eric Gallegos]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not your wife?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Churo.

[Josh Castro]

Churro. Like a churo. Like the cum out of a churro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like. Like a cinnamon stick?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, more or less.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, okay, so you're saying your cum comes out solid

[Josh Castro]

before it's fried. That's nasty.

[Eric Griffin]

I think his wife is at the bank looking at all the money other people are making.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I mean?

[Josh Castro]

Like, that's why I don't have any kids.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's like, amazing.

[Eric Griffin]

That taco truck money is not, you know, amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you coming inside of her?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been. You've been coming inside of her for 10 years.

[Josh Castro]

More or less.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More or less? How's that possible? Can't be less. If it's more, it's more.

[Josh Castro]

We're trying. We're trying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're trying?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, we're trying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you think the problem lies? Oh, look, it's a blind musician that conveniently left before you started accusing Stevie Wonder of not being blind somehow. D Madness is instinct. So are so strong. He knows exactly when to go take a lemonade.

[Eric Griffin]

He had to go call the association to make sure.

[Josh Castro]

I didn't know he was blind. I didn't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't know? Have you ever seen the show before?

[Josh Castro]

Yeah, I didn't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think? He just has a handler and. And wears goofy glasses and doesn't ever look directly at. At anyone.

[Josh Castro]

It's a lot of commercial breaks, so I didn't see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never. What? Josh, you're wild, dude. I don't know whether you should be less or. Honestly, this episode. I think maybe, perhaps being more retarded might help you, seeing how this episode's gone, but. What? Get out of here. Josh. They're goes. Josh. Everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, I mean, what the. You know. I present to you a brand new minute from Drew Nickens.

[Drew Nickens]

I used to play Yu Gi oh. That's why I get all the bitches. And Yu Gi oh is so strange. Cause you could, like, do cocaine in the bathroom and then go see two people Naruto fight over cardboard. What the hell is that? When you're traveling, it always ends up about sex. And my grandmother taught me two things about sex. The first thing is, if the blowjob sounds like a washing machine, you're doing it wrong. My washing machine was broke, so I thought it should have sounded like. And if you're gonna learn how to donkey punch a bitch, you better learn how to hit medium. I was in the back of a Ford Focus, and she said, let's try this. And I hit that hoe. And she goes, hit it with your chest. And I hit that hoe like I was a UFC fighter. And it knocked her out like a window skip, you know, like, no, no, no, no. Here I am, stuck thinking I'm going to prison. Here I am, stuck thinking I'm going to prison. And then she. I look and the bitch has smelling salt in the cup holder. She lied. Thank y', all, ladies and gentlemen.

[Eric Griffin]

He got so famous, he's about to get canceled. All in one night.

[Drew Nickens]

It's great. You guys think someone would actually let me donkey punch them?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. You can get away with anything. This is. This is unbelievable. You just admitted to an allout sexual assault. It is incredible. You have done a month's work of Kill Tony in one night. The first person to not only do two sets, not only do three, the first person to do four sets in one night.

[Jim Florentine]

And make out with a 10.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And make out with a 10. It is an incredible thing. You've been coming for 10 and a half months. You've been signing up every single week. This is incredible. How do you feel now?

[Drew Nickens]

I feel so good. I feel like everything was worth it. All those hard nights, all those sad days. Thank you, guys. You guys are why I knew this. Y' all are the best.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Drew Nickens]

Yes. Give it up for yourself. Thank you, Mr. Tony, for the opportunity to show this stuff. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you know what to do now. Get your ass back there and write another minute. We might need you. We might need you.

[Drew Nickens]

No way.

[Eric Griffin]

No way.

[Drew Nickens]

Fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean. I mean, who. Who fucking gives a shit at this point?

[Drew Nickens]

Point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seems like everybody's having a good old time. I've never seen. I've never seen an audience get on their feet. Six Times during an episode either. There's a lot of records happening tonight. I hope it translates well to the Internet. It's just gonna be a bunch of people like that got sucked here, Tony. And everybody in that room was crazy that night. Lord knows they'll find something to complain about. Let's get back to this bucket. We'll keep it moving along. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. For some reason, I can't stop laughing when trying to restart the actual show that we do. Make some noise for Eric Gallegos, ladies and gentlemen, Eric Galagos.

[Eric Gallegos]

I was recently told that I look like Skrillex if the drop came on the downs beat. I mean, I think I look more like Skrillex if he ate Jackie Chan, but dubstep jokes, not very relatable. Unless you love Molly. Yes, good old Molly, as I like to call it. Sneaky Fentanyl. You guys, I was recently watching a news segment about a blind guy that kept stabbing people with his walking stick. The news reporters were like, innocent stabbings or felon Keller. You guys, I have a sister and she loves to play with guns. Sorry. I had a sister who loved to play with you guys. That's my time. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, there we go. And we're back. Eric Galagos getting everything back on the bus bucket. Pull track here. Welcome to the show, Eric. Have you been on before?

[Eric Gallegos]

Last year in September.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. It seems like things are going better.

[Drew Nickens]

Yeah.

[Eric Gallegos]

Austin rules.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about that. What do you do for work, Eric?

[Eric Gallegos]

I fix cell phones on the weekends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Like crack screens? Yeah. Only on the weekends.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, I try to just do on the weekends. That way I have more time for stand up on the weekdays.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. What's your living situation?

[Eric Gallegos]

I am, like, about to move into a new place. Like this week I was living with a roommate. He moved to Michigan, so I'm about to move in with another comic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would your roommate move to Michigan?

[Eric Gallegos]

He got a good job in Michigan

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

working remotely from Michigan. A good job.

[Eric Gallegos]

He used to do construction. Now he gets to tell the guys what to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, in Michigan.

[Eric Gallegos]

In Michigan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Has he ever lived in Michigan? Michigan.

[Eric Gallegos]

He's from Michigan, so yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. That makes sense.

[Eric Gallegos]

Went back home, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That means back home you go. Not really an upgrade from Austin to Michigan. One of the worst states on planet earth. If you don't know. It's a college football reference, ladies and gentlemen, Red Band and I are both from Ohio. So, Eric, you fix cell phones on the weekend. What else do you do? What do you do for fun? How long have you been doing stand up?

[Eric Gallegos]

Like a year and two months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for fun, man?

[Cam Patterson]

Video games.

[Eric Gallegos]

I like to write music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You play music?

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, I play music. Play guitar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You play guitar?

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, I like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you play guitar?

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did it go?

[Eric Gallegos]

The song last time I was on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Was it okay? Do you remember? Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Eric Gallegos]

You had some things to say that were funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what did I say? You sucked.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, pretty close to that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You sing?

[Eric Gallegos]

I mainly play guitar. I'm more of a guitar player, but I sing in my own.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jim Florentine]

She might have got better in a year, so it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been practicing?

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, I play. I play pretty often.

[Eric Griffin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think you're better than you were a year ago?

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Muling. What do we think here? We need to get a guest guitar. Yeah, we do need to get a guest guitar. That is a really good idea. Matt doesn't like Mexicans playing his guitar.

[Eric Gallegos]

If it helps, I listen to your latest single and that was dope as.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhoh. I bet he's going to give you his guitar now. He's the guy that knows how to get a guitar. Here we go. Oh, that's right. Epsilon 2.0.

[Drew Nickens]

You're so easy, you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Open 2.0. Epsilon is the single. The new single is challenge day and you can find that@Matthew tm.org MatthewTM.org to check out Matt's unbelievable music. I mean, you know, the. The audience gets to see before the show starts. These guys play for quite a bit. There you go. That's as far as you get to go. He's bringing the mic over. We're giving you.

[Eric Gallegos]

I want to spit on Eric.

[Eric Griffin]

Please don't.

[Eric Gallegos]

I'm really gonna try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt. Matt is suffocating. The good news is is Drew Nickens knows cpr. So Matt's about to get a little mouth to mouth from Drew Nickens. All right. No, I'm kidding. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, the boy wonder living his dream. If.

[Eric Gallegos]

Hell yeah. I'm going from like A to G.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you need a pit?

[Eric Gallegos]

I got one right here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You brought one with you. Holy shit.

[Eric Gallegos]

Fuck yeah. I come prepared. Hell yeah. Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Eric Galagos. Sam. Oh,

[Drew Nickens]

Couldn't get away. I'm trying to find be. Could get away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Save going.

[Drew Nickens]

Keep going, keep going. One more verse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, all right, all right. One more time. We saved you with a little Drew Nickens there at the End. One more time for Drew. His fifth appearance on the show in an hour and a half a half. That is beyond a record. Four sets, five appearances. Eric, you finally got to see what an applause break looks like. Finally. Jesus.

[Eric Gallegos]

Thank God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was the return of Drew Nickens that did that. But you got to look out there and kind of live a fantasy. I mean, I'd imagine having behind you and half the roof getting on its feet. Must have felt good. It's like. It's like playing VR with Red Ban or something like that. All right, Eric, you already have a small joke book from your last time.

[Eric Gallegos]

Yeah, I do. Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Well, you know, I'm about. I'm about growth on this show, so why not get a big one? Fill it up, do better.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Shelby]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, we're flying through it. I pulled to get a lady. We've not had a female comedian yet tonight. So I scoured through the bucket, makes my sphere. First female comedian of the night. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Lorena Benedetto. Lorena Benedetto.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Hello, everybody. Yeah, this is my accent, so you better pay a lot of attention. The same attention I paid to understand porno movies. You know porno movies? Like, you got it, motherfuckers. Can I curse here? Yes. Cool. You know I ran away from my country, Venezuela. Yes. I know those low class people who just cross the border. I came eight years ago by plane with a visa. It's aspiring now. Yeah. I ran away because I fuck with a lot of people. I fuck with some politicians and I fuck with the whole police department. So they put me in jail. So I fuck with the sheriff and he let me go. That is because I'm a freedom fighter. I fuck a lot in my country. Now I'm kind of fucking. I mean, looking, looking. I'm learning English. Watching a lot of porno now. Yeah, it's cheaper than Duolingo. It's my time now. I can say another joke. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Lorena Benedetto, seconds away from the bear. So, Lorena, welcome to the show. How long ago did you leave Venezuela? By the sons of your accent, it was at 10am

[Lorena Benedetto]

I know I sound like I just crossed the border. No, but I came eight years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight years ago. And you went straight to Florida.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Absolutely.

[Cam Patterson]

And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And do you still live in Florida?

[Lorena Benedetto]

I just moved here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You moved to Austin? How long ago?

[Lorena Benedetto]

Two weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two weeks ago. Okay. What's your setup like? How do you feel? You live alone?

[Lorena Benedetto]

I Right now I'm living with a friend in the north.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. In the north.

[Lorena Benedetto]

This is the north. No, but in the north. North, like close to Round Rock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Pflugerville.

[Lorena Benedetto]

No, Cedar Park.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cedar Park.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I don't wanna say my address because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't say your address. Good. Yeah. Don't say your address. Address you live by. You live near the Heb center, though. I know that. That's in Cedar Park. Yes, that is our home field arena here in Austin, Texas. We go, we perform in the north.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Finally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Lorena Benedetto]

I did five years of Spanish and then I'm doing. I've been doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do a joke in Spanish. Face the Face the horn players and the drummer there. I want to see. I want to see if you can make them laugh real quick with a Spanish joke. Go ahead, just face that way. Congratulations to the guys sitting in the front row there. Yet another gift from me to this audience. I'm a giving. I'm in a giving mood tonight. Did it for five years.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I. I blank in Spanish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You blank and in Spanish?

[Lorena Benedetto]

Yes. Okay, I have to translate because I'm talking in English and now I have to translate myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you can't remember.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Okay, Yeah, that's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Some light chopping.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Now you understand why I do spine English better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Jim.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't think the guys in the band speak Spanish because they do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Either they don't speak Spanish or she just did. La Bamba Bomb being capitalized there. Lorena, Lorena, Lorena, Lorena. So you moved to Austin for stand up comedy?

[Lorena Benedetto]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and what do you do for work? How do you make a living?

[Lorena Benedetto]

I. I work for a law firm. So if you have an accident, call me. I gonna get you the compensation you deserve. Queen Benedetto is my Instagram queen since the Queen Elizabeth died. I got her spot. Same age, but I know Botox. I dance too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You dance?

[Lorena Benedetto]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, sa. You get a party started it. All right, all right, all right. One more time for Drew Nickens. A record six appearances, four sets.

[Eric Griffin]

Special needs Community's on fire.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it is, dude. It is. Drew just won. This is like a guy winning every medal at the Special Olympics. It's like cleaning house. He's doing some Michael Phelps shit. Special Olympics level. I love it. Lorena, congratulations. Welcome to Austin. Here's a little joke book. What's that face you're making? What was that face?

[Lorena Benedetto]

I want a bigger book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've been waiting.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I drove from Miami to here again like last summer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got to do better. The good news is Red band's probably going to book you on the secret show. Good catch. Lorena Benedetto, ladies and gentlemen.

[Lorena Benedetto]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A don't be sad, just cuz of the joke book. What are you.

[Lorena Benedetto]

I want the bikini too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want what?

[Lorena Benedetto]

The bikini.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The bikini.

[Lorena Benedetto]

The girl has a beautiful bikini. I wanted to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not getting that bikini. Lorena Benedetto, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes. Lorena Benedetto. Hi. Okay.

[Drew Nickens]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what that means. Ladies and gentlemen, there's only one way to end a show like this. You know him, you love him, you've seen him six times tonight. No, I'm kidding. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. He has the record for all time appearances on one episode of a show.

[Drew Nickens]

No kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm kidding again. Ladies and gentlemen. Kill Tony. Hall of Famer. The Legend. The Big Red Machine. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Memphis Strangler. The Saskatchewan Slayer. This is William Montgome.

[William Montgomery]

I do this shit every week, you dumbass.

[Cam Patterson]

Holy.

[William Montgomery]

Sometimes I walk up to a cemetery and say, that could be us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you playing.

[William Montgomery]

An Iranian rapper has been sentenced to death for anti government lyrics. The only thing more dangerous than being an Iranian rapper is being connected to Hillary Clinton. Hey, Redban, are you from the Everglades? Cause you're the only man. It's like manatee 10 ic the punchline. Okay, that's a good joke.

[Drew Nickens]

Holy shit.

[William Montgomery]

You know, Kool Aid gets all the credit. But Jim Jones actually used Flavor Aid to send his flock to heaven.

[Drew Nickens]

Jonestown. Jones down.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, okay, that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. William Montgomery. The Thunderbolt Lightning. The Blitzkrieg. William Montgomery. How do you feel, William? Liam.

[William Montgomery]

I thought the Red Band Manatee joke would go better. It did not. I mean, I was thinking, man, it like, are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 IC. So man, it Everglades. But yeah, sucks. Okay, thanks, dumbass. I don't really care about your dumbass opinion. Idiot. When I ask for your opinion, I'll ask for a dumbass. Did I just ask for. You fucking idiot. You look worse than ever. Why do you come at me? Oh, I did 48 fucking seconds tonight. Thanks for announcing it to everybody, you fucking piece of shit. Redman, it's been a great fucking episode. Don't do this to me on the fucking ending, man. Seriously. It's been such a wonderful episode.

[Drew Nickens]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're messing it up for me, Redman. Have you been Enjoying it? Let me ask you. But I've been loving it back there. Redman's the best. It. I don't even have a day.

[William Montgomery]

Okay. My voice is actually heard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But let me ask you, because you do watch every episode as it's happening up there in the balcony or in the green room on the television that live streams what's happening in this room. What do you honestly think about the evening for Drew?

[Alexander Marcano]

Nature?

[William Montgomery]

I think it's been wonderful. I've been cheering for him. I mean, he scares the shit out of me. Back there, when we were talking, he seems legitimately a little scary, but he's been doing wonderful. He's been great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's been great.

[Drew Nickens]

I love Drew. Drew.

[William Montgomery]

Okay. Dumbass. No, he's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Technically. You bringing him out here makes seven appearances for him tonight. Just a fun fact for you. It is incredible. What else is going on, William? Tell us.

[William Montgomery]

I got back from St. Louis. It took me 15 hours to get back yesterday. That was a horrible trip. And then Tony on Friday was very scary. I did some show, and on the second show on Friday, some guy is just yelling really loud in between the jokes. Just acting, just totally crazy. And I see him, and he's moving his arms a lot, so something's mentally wrong with him. So I let it continue on, and it's fine. And then I get off stage, and three seconds later, he's in front of my face in the green room, which was a little scary. And then they kick him out, and he got hit by a car in the parking lot. So kind of an eventful night for this guy, but it was horrible. It scared me. I'm glad he didn't have a knife. He could have killed my ass.

[Drew Nickens]

Let's bring him out again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. It does sound awfully like it wasn't Drew Nickens, right?

[William Montgomery]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Drew Nickens]

No, it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Was he? The guy literally got hit by a car.

[William Montgomery]

Got hit by a car out in the parking lot. It was by me. I hit the guy. Literally. It's literally the first body I legitimately have. Tony. I'm always joking about murdering people. He's literally my fucking first legit body. He was totally dying out on the asphalt. It's literally he's dead, and I hit him. He came in the green room really hot. So that's what happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. Wow.

[William Montgomery]

I don't care anymore. I have that skin cancer again. I mean, things are looking really bleak for me right now. So I'm literally. If you come in the green room accosting me, I'M going to hit you with my car. Or worse. No, or worse, Tony.

[Eric Griffin]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, Tony, I actually tried all brands buds the other day. You really did. You tried all brands, but it was really good. But I found out it's just got so much sugar in it. It's like. It's literally like Grape Nuts, but soft. And a shitload of sugar.

[William Montgomery]

Well, that's no different than everything else you shove into your mouth, Holly. What are you talking about? What are you talking about, dumbass? Don't come at me. Don't announce I did 48 seconds to everybody. Dumbass minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was 51. It was 51 by the end. He exaggerated by a few seconds. I saw 51.

[Josh Castro]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Highly debatable. Depends on when you start the clock.

[William Montgomery]

Fair enough. We'll get it up there next time. We'll really get it next time. I swear to God, Tony. We'll get it next time. I'm literally. I'm not good. I'm shaken up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What is you so shaken up?

[William Montgomery]

Just the thing with the car. Just literally. I hit the guy with a car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, Is that the first time you've done that? Let me ask you.

[William Montgomery]

Looks like somebody has yellow fever at that table. He's with an Asian chick. I'm kidding. I'm working on crowd work. Okay. Yikes.

[Jim Florentine]

Okay, he's up to 55 seconds now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it wasn't the first time you've hit somebody with a car. Let me ask you this, William. You think it's the last time you hit somebody with a car?

[William Montgomery]

Tony, I don't think I'm ever gonna. Yeah, no. I'm probably never gonna stop. My voice is fucked up. I gotta figure it out. Tony. I'm going out on the road, doing all these shows, and my voice is wrecked. After I'm about to have to go to Philly this coming week, I'm legitimately nervous. My voice is wrecked. I don't know what to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Vocal exercises during the day when you're playing video games.

[William Montgomery]

Hey, redbay. And how do you do it? How big is that dick you suck when you're doing that, you fucking nasty piece of shit? And I've seen the pictures. You're blowing the smoke out of your nostrils when you're sucking that dude's dick. It's the weirdest thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I'm supposed to blow in the dick hole. Where am I supposed to blow it?

[Jim Florentine]

In the nickel.

[Drew Nickens]

God. Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't do that.

[William Montgomery]

Don't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Redman roasting him.

[William Montgomery]

Don't do that to me, dude. Don't do that to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't do that. This show is out of control. That's that sweet little dog William. Really good. It is.

[Drew Nickens]

No.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's doing great.

[Drew Nickens]

I love that little.

[William Montgomery]

No, I really do. We kiss all day long. I love kissing that little girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want you. You. I think a lot of people that are yelling.

[William Montgomery]

Sing it, dumbass. I'm looking right at your bald ass, dumbass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on. This was kill Drew Nickens. We did it again. Brought to you by squarespace.com ericgriffin.com Jim florencine.com check out everybody is awful, the podcast from Jim Florentine. Follow Drew Nickens. His social media is Lance Underscore Corona. His rap battle name, Lance Underscore. C O R O N DNA. Stay out here, Lance. Take us out. Stay out here. Guys, how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Fernanda Garcia, Raul Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, D Madness, John Bees and Matt Mulling. The drawing from Ryan J E Belt is in and it is awesome. Let's see what Chris Rogers was cooking up over there. Oh, Cam Patterson. Drew, what do you. I mean, this has been a story of your night. Any. Any last words you want to say before we all go home?

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you guys so much. You guys have been amazing in here. Everyone in here. I couldn't do this without y'. All. Y' all are great. Thanks for letting me let. Thanks for letting me tell jokes to try and be funny. I love y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. One more time for Drew Nickens. We love you.

[Drew Nickens]

Thank you. Good night, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Sunset Strip comics.

[Drew Nickens]

Check out Drew Nickens doing more than 48 seconds at the Sunset Strip Thursday at the secret show. Sunset Strip atm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The stream for the Forum. Few tickets left for the first night of Madison Square Garden. Very few. Good night, everybody. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Drew Nickens]

Sam.