#674 - SAM TALLENT + ARI MATTI

Summary

Kill Tony #674 with Sam Tallent & Ari Matty

Date: July 30, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Panel: Sam Tallent, Ari Matty (first time panelist)

Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony features the return of Sam Tallent—an audience and panel favorite—joined for the first time on panel by Kill Tony regular and Estonian import, Ari Matty. The show continues its signature live draw “bucket” format, blending one-minute stand-up sets from aspiring and established comedians with rapid-fire, unscripted interviews and razor-sharp panel commentary. Highlights include the classic mix of absurdity, heartfelt backstories, roast-style humor, and unforgettable audience interactions.

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Key Discussions & Highlights

Introduction & Panel Banter (00:36–05:57)

• Energy at the Mothership: Tony amps the crowd, introducing the band and his star-studded panel. He jokes about D Madness missing due to a backache, dubbing tonight a "bare bones" show musically.
• Panel Intro:
  • Sam Tallent is welcomed back as one of the show’s greatest guests.
  • Ari Matty is introduced as “the Estonian assassin,” with banter about his ongoing attempts to secure US citizenship:
    • Tony: “We are in a race against time. What do we have, seven months?” (03:48)
    • Ari: “Six months now.” (03:55)
• Sponsor Plug: Brief mentions—skipped for summary clarity.

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Opening Comic: Martin Phillips (05:57–14:19)

• Set Recap:
  • Jokes about cat-calling, state porn bans shadowing him as he moves, and his strategies as a babysitter.
• Panel Interview:
  • Sam: “I'm a huge Martin fan… now that clip [accusing Martin of child porn] is going around in a very specific community.” (07:57)
  • Tony and Sam riff on Martin’s body, style, and masturbatory habits with good-natured roasts.
• Notable Quote:
  • Sam: “You are indeed a squiggly motherfucker, Martin.” (08:38)
• Memorable Moment: Audience and panel join in as Martin deftly responds to the banter, keeping spirits high.

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Phoenix Provocateur – Compelling Bucket Pull (15:04–28:35)

• Set Themes:
  • Discusses being Black and trans; jokes about conservative attitudes, gender, and capitalism.
• Interview Highlights:
  • Tony: “You tried to be a Cowboys cheerleader, is that true?” (18:01)
  • Phoenix talks about her background in dance, drag, and entertainment, and fields probing (sometimes raucous) questions about trans life in Texas, restroom debates, and relationships.
• Quote:
  • Phoenix: “I'm black before I'm pretty.” (17:42)
• Memorable Panel Roasts:
  • Sam: “Now, Ari, in your home country of Estonia, he would have been euthanized in birth.” (12:04)
  • Tony to Phoenix: “You could be the mayor of Austin. Really.” (21:52)
• Vibe: Phoenix’s candor, humor, and improvisational skill stand out—winning over the crowd and panel.

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Adrian Escamilla – The Scooper Act (30:02–39:19)

• Set:
  • One-liners about worshipping the devil, politics, and Netflix laziness.
• Interview: Reveals 10+ years in comedy, and explains his trademark “scooper” prop—ultimately, with the band’s help, performs a chaotic, music-and-scooper routine live.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Tony: “After 10 or 11 years of comedy... you have decided that a scooper... is a safety hazard.” (36:13)
  • Sam: “It’s crazy that you can figure this [device] out and that scooper guy couldn’t do anything.” (82:39)
• Memorable Moment: The improvised “scooper” song collapses into comedic farce, with panel and band stepping in to rescue the set.

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Bobby Brown Jr. – Wheelchair Chronicles (39:58–48:00)

• Set:
  • Jokes about his dream of being a Nickelodeon actor, commentary on industry scandals.
• Interview:
  • Panel riffs about his personal life, homelessness, and new job pushing wheelchairs at the airport.
  • Blind passenger anecdote draws big laughs:
    • Bobby: “She was just asking me about her life… She kept saying, 'I can’t wait to see you on Netflix someday.' She’s blind.” (45:01)
• Quote:
  • Tony: “With a name like Bobby Brown Jr. I definitely don’t want to use your bathtub.” (43:31)

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Cam Patterson – Road Comedy, Kool Aid Rider (48:41–56:07)

• Set:
  • Stories from a tractor pull in Indiana, observations on being Black in overwhelmingly white spaces, and encounters with Amish culture.
• Panel Reactions:
  • Sam: Reads Cam’s hilariously on-the-nose comedy rider.
    • “An adequate amount of bottled water… assortment of gums and mints… Beef jerky… Homemade Kool Aid... and two Black and Milds.” (51:24)
  • Banter about Kool Aid's cultural significance and how different clubs prepare it for Cam.
• Quote:
  • Cam: “If you don’t bring me Kool Aid, I’m not going.” (54:47)
• Memorable Panel Roasts:
  • “Drank the Kool Aid”—Patrice O’Neal callback and diabetes jokes.

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Standout Bucket Pulls

Dallas Urban (56:49–59:55)

• Concedes self-defeat and repeats “I suck” throughout his set, leading to “the bomb squad” cleanup.

Drew Nickens – Unleashing the Regular (60:47–65:38)

• High-energy “energy drinks” routine, driven by awkward charm.
• Quote:
  • Tony: “You are the biggest 11-year-old we've ever had on this show.” (64:59)
• Panel encourages Drew, referencing his head injury and childlike demeanor.

Chloe Labranche – Sober NYC Firebrand (66:25–77:38)

• Set:
  • Dark humor: rape, 9/11, and child molestation one-liners.
• Interview:
  • Candid talks on alcoholism, rehab stories, and wild escapades—stealing vodka, waking up in a hospital gown, crashing UCLA frats.
• Quote:
  • Chloe: “I'm an alcoholic—but I'm not a loser… I'll do pills, you know.” (67:57)
• Panel Reaction:
  • “I love it. That's your catchphrase. 'Relax.'” (71:54)
• Highly praised for holding the room, improvising, and being a “true comedy vet.”

Aaron Belial – The Canadian Crippler (79:31–87:40)

• Set:
  • Disability humor about “faith healers” and the unable-to-heal.
• Interview:
  • Updates on AGT, moving to Austin, and upcoming stem cell treatments.
  • Quote:
    • Aaron: “If they make me talk [with stem cells], I’m going to be pissed.” (83:21)
• Memorable banter about “youth and age Asia,” and panel jokes about euthanasia in Estonia.

Jacob Marshall – Mom’s Spotify Debut (88:11–97:49)

• Awkward set about a post-breakup Apple Watch notification.
• Panel:
  • Discovers his mother is a “ridiculously hot” country singer, “D’Lee,” launching into a hilarious faux obsession with her Instagram and OnlyFans (which proves a false alarm).
  • Tony: “You fed us your mother on a hot platter…” (98:08)
• Quote:
  • Jacob: “My mom recently started a country music career…she’s released her first three songs.” (91:01)

Tom Feeback – Chicago Newcomer (98:51–108:13)

• Set:
  • Bits about aggressive football coaches and tough love from 1990s dads.
• Interview:
  • Just moved to Austin from Chicago (“for comedy”), delivers Uber Eats, shares a bizarre naked-customer delivery story.
  • Discusses moving with his non-adventurous nurse girlfriend from high school.
• Memorable Panel Joke:
  • Ari: “If I was a girlfriend and my boyfriend is on the biggest podcast in the world: ‘Not that adventurous’ …dude.” (104:20)
• Quote:
  • Tony: “If you lived in Estonia, you would be euthanizing people now.” (100:52)

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Hall of Fame Closing: William Montgomery (109:23–119:45)

• Set:
  • Topical jokes: presidential debate, stage six “dementia” burn, Applebee’s/Hispanic jokes, Dairy Queen shout-out.
• Panel Banter:
  • Recap of memories with Sam Tallent, tales of heavy drinking, and recent weight loss.
  • William floats a presidential run: “The real losers on all of this are the American people. How do we have two fucking old men up there?” (115:46)
• Quote:
  • William: “I want to run for president and fly.” (115:49)
  • Proposes a Dairy Queen on every corner and a tongue-in-cheek hardline on Applebee’s diners.
• Raspberry Moment: Sam Tallent blows a “raspberry” on William in one of the show’s silliest, most physical send-offs.

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Running Gags and Memorable Callbacks

• “Euthanized in Estonia” – Recurring roast about panelist Ari’s home country.
• Kool Aid – Cam Patterson’s comedic rider becomes a running through-line.
• Parental Roasts – Multiple comics get riffed on for family stories, especially Jacob’s “hot mom” and Bobby Jr’s homelessness.
• Bomb Squad – After a set bombs, Drew Nickens is called on to “save” the room.
• Regulars and Golden Ticket Winners – The show warmly celebrates its community, with callbacks to Cam, Aaron, Martin, Drew, William, and others.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tony Hinchcliffe: “You are indeed a squiggly motherfucker, Martin.” (08:38)
• Phoenix Provocateur: “I'm black before I'm pretty.” (17:42)
• Sam Tallent: “If he was born in Estonia, he would have been euthanized by the arts council.” (37:21)
• Cam Patterson: “If you don’t bring me Kool Aid, I’m not going.” (54:47)
• Chloe Labranche: “I'm an alcoholic—but I'm not a loser… I'll do pills, you know.” (67:57)
• Aaron Belial: “If they make me talk [with stem cells], I’m going to be pissed.” (83:21)
• Tony: “You fed us your mother on a hot platter…” (98:08)
• William Montgomery: “The real losers on all of this are the American people. How do we have two fucking old men up there?” (115:46)

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Recommended Segments with Timestamps

• Phoenix Provocateur’s Interview: 15:04–28:35 – A masterclass in honest, comedic crowd work about identity, drag, and Texas life.
• Scooper Act Meltdown: 32:06–38:20 – Surreal, prop-laden attempt at musical comedy, saved by panel and band.
• Chloe Labranche’s Rehab Story: 71:05–76:18 – Candid, hilarious deep-dive into addiction, relapse, and making it through UCLA frat parties.
• Cam Patterson’s Kool Aid Rider: 51:07–54:47 – Wildest comedy rider ever read out loud.
• Jacob Marshall’s Mom Reveal: 91:03–93:50 – Turns from interview into “roast of a country-singer mom”—a true highlight.
• William Montgomery for President: 115:49–119:49 – Absurdist, densely riffed campaign speech to close the show.

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Tone and Energy

Typical of Kill Tony, this episode is wild, relentlessly funny, and sometimes chaotic, blending genuine heart with harsh and hilarious roasts. From touching personal disclosures to “too far” punchlines, the show’s spirit of inclusiveness and unpredictability is palpable, making it essential for fans of live comedy and those curious about the raw, unscripted creative process.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #674 stands out for its strong, fearless panel and a particularly memorable mix of comics—from local hopefuls (and their hot moms) to regulars and golden ticket heroes. First-timer Ari Matty stacks up well beside Tony and Sam, holding his own in the brutality and fun. With breakouts from Phoenix Provocateur, Aaron Belial, and Chloe Labranche, the episode exemplifies Kill Tony’s unique live-wire blend of risk, laughter, and community.

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For more, watch the full episode or check @KillTonyShow and guests’ socials for clips and future live dates!

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliff.com everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliffe.com if you want to check out the sunset strip or get some death squad merch, go to Death Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redneck coming to you

[Brian Redban]

live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give it up for Tony X club. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Yeah. Make some noise for Brian Redban, everybody. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land. Bare bones tonight. D Madness. Woke up with a backache. So no D, no horn players. But we have the great Michael Gonzalez here tonight. Powerful Matt Muhling on the electric guitar and the one and only John B's on the keys, the absolute bare bones band. Tonight they have a new Instagram Kill tonyband. There you go, the Kill Tony band. Look out. There you go. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. A lot of exciting stuff in store. Sh to ways to. Well, ways. The number two. Well, a lot of great stuff happening over there. Stem cells, IV drips, absolutely everything you can imagine. Exciting stuff going on. So with no further ado, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Announcer]

The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys ready to start tonight's show? Every single week I have two of the funniest comedians on. One of these guests was just on very recently and I love him so goddamn much that I had to have him back because he's in town and he's one of the best in the world. The other guest tonight, it is his first time ever being on panel. You know these guys, you love them. Make some noise for Sam Talon and Ari. Maddie. Sam Talon. All right, Maddie, Ari, sit over here. Right there. Very, very Ari. Matty. Kill Tony regular rotating regular turned panelist here tonight, the Estonian assassin Ari. Matty's first time at the table. Welcome.

[Ari Matty]

Hell, yes. Welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you working on your American accent.

[Jacob Marshall]

Yes, I am, actually.

[Brian Redban]

Hello.

[Ari Matty]

I have an intolerance for Those of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you that don't know, we're trying as fast as we can to get Ari Matty his American stuff citizenship. We are in a race against time. What do we have, seven months?

[Ari Matty]

Six months now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months. Every single week it goes, it goes down. One month. Somehow. It is incredible, but we are on a mission from God. Sam Talent is.

[Sam Talon]

What happened to that Visa paper I signed for you? It didn't count.

[Ari Matty]

No, it counted. That's the one I'm on right now. My little angel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Sam Talent, one of the great guests in the history of the show, is back.

[Sam Talon]

Thank you, guys.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to have a lot of fun tonight.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, I'm glad to be here. Thank you to Kill Tony Nation for somehow selling out my shows in Batavia, Illinois last weekend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. Thank you. Yeah, the Kill Tony bump is real. And Sam is out on tour. Samtalent.com with two L's in the middle. He's an A.B.S. truly one of the best standups working today, and we're happy to have you back at the helm here. Thanks for having me, Ari. Matty's first time on panel. Ari, you know very well how the show works, but just in case you don't know, two hundred and sixty human beings signed up for the chance, the opportunity to get up on this show tonight. Anything can happen. We know barely any of them. Some of them traveled in today. Some of them have been signing up for months after months after months. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them. I conduct an interview, we talk to them. We find out what's interesting about them. What else maybe they could talk about out of their entire lives. The whole thing is improvised. Anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's show? That's a crazy name. We're gonna go wrangle the first bucket pool. While we do, we're going to bring up a golden ticket winner to start tonight's show. Very, very exciting stuff out of our rotating opening regulars. This is a. This is a different situation. We have a golden ticket winner in the house. You know him, You. How many of you are die hard fans of Kill Tony? Oh, look at this right now.

[Martin Phillips]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You waited until the very, very start of the show. Absolute morons we have here. Running into cameramen and photographers on his way out. I mean, you gotta Love my fan base. It is absolutely insane. Absolute fucking morons. Ladies and gentlemen, your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds. Legendary golden ticket winner. Make some noise for the great and powerful Martin Phillip.

[Announcer]

Cool.

[Martin Phillips]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey.

[Martin Phillips]

I was. I was cat calling the other day, and I was like, here, kitty, kitty. You know, and that works so that I was like, hey, get that ass over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool.

[Martin Phillips]

Last summer, I moved here from Virginia. Before I moved, they passed the porn ban law that. And it passed in here in Texas. This law keeps following me around. I don't know what I did. I don't know who to blame. I think it's my parents. I think I'm 18 and older down there, you know, so my own law, it's called that Martin watch porn. Okay, cool. My sister has kids and they have energy out there. That energy comes from food. So when I babysit, I starve them. All right, cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips. A minute, seven seconds to start the show. Martin. Sam, what do you think about Martin tonight?

[Sam Talon]

Martin's the man, dude. I'm a huge Martin fan. We were on a show in the past where I accused you of having child pornography. And. And now that clip has been like, that's the clip. That's the clip. Yeah. Yes. And it's going around in a very specific community.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

But it's like on hood memes. And so, yeah, it's like 30,000 comments on hood memes. And then like, my black friends will hit me up and be like, damn, you did this squiggly motherfucker bad.

[Martin Phillips]

I respect that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. You are indeed a squiggly motherfucker, Martin. Absolutely consistently hilarious. I love your stuff set tonight. Cat calling. Who are you doing this to? Where were these women at?

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, no, I. My apartment complex has a lot of stray cats. That was actually about cats that thought with it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are from Virginia, which I was reminded of during your set and also by your everything else. Yeah. What relatives, Virginia? What relatives had to. For you to end up like this?

[Martin Phillips]

Who knows? It's long. Long line of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no.

[Martin Phillips]

My dad is sadly from Mississippi, so I think that. I think we solved it there. I think so. Those people.

[Cam Patterson]

Y.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a porn band following you around. Yeah, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Be careful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. No doubt about it.

[Sam Talon]

You must jerk off. Crazy, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Only if I use this hand. There's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, the old lasso. Look at him go. I love it.

[Sam Talon]

Get out the magic wand and bless it.

[Dallas Urban]

Yes,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. Whip it good. I love it. Is your dick also bent? Every wacky direction I'd imagine your dick is shaped like the letter S. I didn't. That's the sound. That's what I picture you jerking off

[Sam Talon]

sounding like when he gets a boner. It looks like an applause meter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Martin. What else? What have you been doing for fun in beautiful Austin, Texas?

[Sam Talon]

Stop taking the stairs.

[Martin Phillips]

No, actually I don't, surprisingly. I don't like elevators because I don't like. I have a fear of getting stuck, so I make it worse for myself, actually, by taking stairs.

[Sam Talon]

But, wow, your calves are cut, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

So anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway. Okay. You're segueing us out of our own questions. Very good. Moving things along here. Would you like to ask us some questions? Perhaps?

[Martin Phillips]

I guess you don't take the stairs either.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Oh, my goodness. Wow. The Squiggly versus the Jiggly. It's a battle of the titans. Titans we have here tonight absolutely incredible. Martin Phillips. I love it, man. I fucking love it. You're out here killing it. You have a Taylor Swift shirt on. Have you seen her live?

[Martin Phillips]

No, I gave me this shirt because I didn't have $900 hanging around, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Martin Phillips]

I was at the last concert. I was at, I saw Taylor Swift before it caused thousands of dollars. So I'm an og. I was there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Swifty.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're a shifty, Swifty.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Now, Ari, in your home country of Estonia, he would have been euthanized in birth. They would have left him on a rock and let the crows eat him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They would have stoned him.

[Martin Phillips]

Not Disney. Now this thing. No thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Martin, you're doing comedy full time

[Martin Phillips]

now, at least for the summer. You know, school is out, but I've been talking about it out of town, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. I forgot you're a substitute teacher.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, yeah. So I always do comedy full time in the summer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, it's been good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. And what else? You been on any dates or anything lately?

[Martin Phillips]

Not quite yet, but this one. Check message page. He was like, you invited me. My ex boyfriend. So looks promising.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. I don't know.

[Sam Talon]

Who was your ex boyfriend? Earthworm Jim.

[Martin Phillips]

That's what I was thinking. I was like, is that a good thing?

[Sam Talon]

That was a video game art.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah. So I am somebody's type, I guess. Somebody out there.

[Ari Matty]

Dude, I would pay so much money to watch you come. It must be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. It is true.

[Martin Phillips]

If the price is Right. You know, I mean, hey,

[Sam Talon]

dude, how come you have so many wrist accessories?

[Martin Phillips]

They put these on me to stay, not get kicked out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here, Door guys. Here.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, they have no respect whatsoever.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These fucking door guys.

[Martin Phillips]

I thought it was a lot, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, it is. That's a lot. That's a hazard for you that could get caught on things.

[Martin Phillips]

Well, it would break easily. You probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Sam Talon]

You're someone with erratic arms. That is dangerous.

[Martin Phillips]

Only this one's erratic. This one.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, yeah, that one's normal for sure.

[Martin Phillips]

Wait. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay. Let's talk to your liver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell,

[Sam Talon]

this is not alcoholic.

[Martin Phillips]

Damage been done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips, you are an absolute consistent killer. Way to get it started tonight. Great stuff. And here we go. The Bucket of Destiny has spoken. This is where we meet people all together. Anything can happen. This is where we've met every regular, every golden ticket winner. These people are very excited. They could have the moment of their life. They could have the worst moment of their life. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to your first Bucket bowl tonight, Phoenix Provocateur. Phoenix Provocateur. Oh, my goodness. Here we go.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

All right, breeders, buckle up. So I love whenever I hear conservative men give a fuck about anything but themselves. Especially when they say shit like, trans women shouldn't be able to use a women's restroom because all I hear is, I want titties in the men's restroom. When I was deciding on going through with my medical transition or not, I kind of just put it on a final scale of, all right, do you really want to wear dresses or do you really want to wear suits? Do you really want to pay for hair and nails, or do you want to wear the hair and nails? And the only thing that made me want to stay in my masculinity was, oh, there's rights over here. But I'm black, so I'll figure it out later. I do think that being trans is more about capitalism instead of self expression. Only because I'm gonna have tits, a dick, and a grip, I'll be able to go anywhere and fuck anything I want to. Thank you. My name is Phoenix Provocateur.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Phoenix Provocateur. Welcome to the show. You know, I always say what I love about this bucket and this show is that we get all different types of people, all different shapes and sizes of human beings. And you are a perfect example of what I'm talking about. This is absolutely incredible. I get it. Welcome to the show. Where should we even begin?

[Ari Matty]

Dude, America is crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Phoenix, how long have you been doing stand up comedy?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I started last October.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what made you want to start stand up last October?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I've been an entertainer for a while and I've always watched comedy kind of for afar. And I was like, why don't I just throw my foot or my stilettos in the hat and see what happens?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, your foot couldn't fit in the hat, so that's perfect. What kind of. I don't fucking know. I've short circuited. I did, I did. What kind of entertainment were you doing before?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I started as a competitive dancer in high school and did that through college and then I did drag after that whenever. I couldn't become a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader because I have a nine inch dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. This is absolutely incredible.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I'm black before I'm pretty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But that's. That's amazing. That is unbelievable. I have 430 more questions. This is amazing.

[Sam Talon]

I have a question. Can we see it?

[Ari Matty]

No,

[Brian Redban]

I tried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was a good attempt. That was a good attempt. So, Phoenix, I mean, my goodness, here we are. You tried to be a Cowboys cheerleader, Is that true?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I didn't try, but I was kind of like trained and I danced with a lot of the girls that are on the team and even some of the hip hop team that they have. But I just, I was like, fuck it. I don't want to do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Sam Talon]

You might not have been able to be a cheerleader. You should try it out for tight end. It'd be good for the league.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My guess is that end isn't so tight anymore.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

It's tighter than my boyfriend's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, wait, it's tighter than your boyfriends?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Because I have a dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, wouldn't his be loose?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

No, mine is tighter than his.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. I got it. Okay. There we go. It's hard for me to think when all the blood is rushed down to my penis. So I'm at a little bit of a disadvantage right now. I'm trying to pay attention ever since I. All right.

[Sam Talon]

You must be thinking of so many

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

slurs, I don't even know where to begin. I love it. So, Phoenix, how do you make a living? Now.

[Sam Talon]

Go on, girl.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Basically just through. Just through drag. My boyfriend works, so I don't really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does your boyfriend do?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

He's a crane operator.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's a crane operator.

[Sam Talon]

He needs it to move that thing around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. There it is. I can't. Oh my goodness.

[Sam Talon]

She Would have been euthanized in your home country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

That's why he came here.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. A little taste of Phoenix. So what made you go with the name Phoenix Provocateur?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Well, honestly, it was my drag name at first. I went with a different one. It was Carmela Delight, But I felt like it made me seem too nice. But I'm more bitchy, so I'd rather be the bitch that's nice than the nice person that's mean or whatever. You know, it's a different thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel the exact same way. I love it. So what was your joke about conservative men? I kind of didn't get it at the beginning. They want to see titties in the restroom. Explain the. To me.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I was basically just saying that, like, they're fighting against, like, letting trans women in the restroom, so they want people like me to be in the men's restroom, and I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you want to go to the restroom at? Where do you want to take off on my chest?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Meet me in stall number two.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sam Talon]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've always.

[Sam Talon]

I'm going go do my stretches.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I forgot the question. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a great sense of humor. I love how you're rolling with everything. What restroom do you want to use? What makes you most comfortable?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Well, I use the women's restroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I'm a little too hyper feminine to even attempt. Even when I go to, like, the gym and stuff, I just kind of, like, avoid going to the lockers in general, because I don't. I found that, like, in my position, I'm either going to be the victim or potentially, like, make somebody else feel like the victim. And in those situations, I just wait till I get home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us an example? Cause I'm curious. I genuinely don't know anything. I have just been hanging out at comedy clubs, and, you know, now I'm a Texan, so, you know, life's crazy out here in Texas. How long have you lived here?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

My whole life.

[Cam Patterson]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're born and raised in Texas?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Austin, all over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Great. You look like you could be the mayor of Austin. Really? So give me an example of something that's happened to you, because I always hear this restroom debate, like, in a locker room or a restroom. What's, like, the worst thing that's happened to you when you say you could be the victim? I'm curious to know, like, what. What's happened?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

This is probably a couple years ago. I haven't really had a issue since, but I was in College out in Nacogdoches, East Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nacogdoches?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Jack, my ex.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. That sounds like a dangerous place for someone like you.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Especially if I'm dancing on the 50 yard line for the football games. Absolutely. It was pretty intense, but I was selling tickets for a competition or whatever and this dad came in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of competition?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

A dance competition.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

It was like. I think it was like high schoolers and middle school dance thing. We were just hosting it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no. Every. No. What dad could possibly have a problem with you selling tickets to middle schoolers for an event?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I wasn't selling tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Don't get mad at me now. I'm not. You weren't. Not Nacados anymore.

[Sam Talon]

It's easier to get the kids in if they don't have to use money.

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I was. I don't even think they were tickets. I think they were like pamphlets as people were coming in to say the schedule of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. What kind of dad would have a problem with you handing out middle schoolers pamphlets? No, this is great. I know. I would love it If a second 7 foot tall dragon lady was handing my kids pamphlets or something. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

They must have thought you were from the future.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

This was back in like 2017. So he was ahead of his time with us, but like he basically threw a fit in front of my coach and everybody was like, I don't want that thing going to the bathroom. And I was like, I'm standing at the front door outside in 72 heat or degree weather in fucking Nacogdocha, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I don't want your little snot nose brat. I fucking hate kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I think that you should be able to go to the bathroom in the ladies room. That way your dick doesn't get in the urinal

[Phoenix Provocateur]

or so you don't try to suck it.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is getting lit up. Sam is getting lit up tonight.

[Sam Talon]

I'm a fan of the movement.

[Cam Patterson]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Phoenix. I love it. So what else do you do for fun? Tell us more about the life of Phoenix Provocateur.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I travel for drag and stuff whenever I can. I just did a show in Midland at the beginning of last month and then I was in Nashville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there anywhere you go to visit where racism isn't rampant? No. Like, I did a show on a burning cross the other night. I've actually done one in a church. What?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I've done a drag show in a church before.

[Martin Phillips]

You did?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have. Wow.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

In Midland, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Church of Satan, like absolutely incredible.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

No, just a bunch of white people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Phoenix, have you always kind of identified as a woman? Is that how that works? Am I saying that right?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sam Talon]

He's really trying, Phoenix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know I'm a shit talking Texan. I'm not gonna use any bad words with you.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I'm more Texan than you are. You're in my territory, sweetie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, looks like we're about to have a big, big dick competition. Whoa. Jesus. Oh my God. Holy shit.

[Sam Talon]

She's gonna lasso you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

You gotta help me get it from between my shoulder blades first, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness. So tell us, what else? What hobbies? Or anything else other than drag or just dancing?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I sew sometimes. I don't really wear wigs, so. But I got some. It's just creative, that's all natural up there. For this quarter. For this quarter. I have to think about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are those. Did you get. Are those. What's that?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

They're growing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're growing. So you're like on hormones?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Yeah, it's been about a year as of like the 15th of last month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you feel on them?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Emotional.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You feel like a real bitch.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Do the tits make it easier to go to war with alien?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Most guys aren't worried about these at all when they know I have that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What comes out of them? Oat milk or muscle milk? I'm not exactly. Where does muscle milk come from? I'd imagine. All right.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

It's your dad's cum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. Oh my God. My 76 year old hobbled father. I was wondering why he's been walking with a walker the last few times I've seen him. Now it makes sense. He's getting.

[Sam Talon]

She's fucking your dad in the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Announcer]

He was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was fine last year. And then this last visit, he's hobbling around. It's all making so much sense. So, Phoenix, you live here in Austin?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what are some of your favorite local spots so that I know where I can accidentally run into you?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Besides the mothership?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. You seem more of like a fathership kind of guy.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I don't.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I don't even.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Besides the mothership, what else in this city? You like live music?

[Phoenix Provocateur]

I do live music. Good restaurants. I don't. I haven't tried a lot of stuff growing up, so. I'm still learning.

[Sam Talon]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I haven't, I haven't. You tried stuff. You were just putting the meat in the wrong hole.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Sure, sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Well, Phoenix, very fun times. Very fun interview. You know, you are your minute. Kind of green, but promising. You're definitely a polarizing figure. Very compelling, very interesting to watch, and a great interview. I love this show because, you know, these people of different. Like I said, shape, sizes, mentality. Backgrounds. Come here. And the fact that we can all laugh together and roll with everything together and you don't sue me or anything afterwards is perfect and amazing. Here's a little joke book to commemorate your start. Oh, I almost made it in between those. She's a real woman. Oh, shit. Oh, my goodness. Make some goddamn noise for Phoenix Provocateur, everybody. Very fun start to the bucket tonight. Hell, yeah. Congratulations, Phoenix. Welcome. We'll see you around. Damn, you guys are out of control. This band is out of control. All right, your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds. Going to Adrian Escamilla, everybody.

[Adrian Escamilla]

I used to worship the devil. Like, worship the devil. Then she moved out and took the kids. Here's an idea for a new Netflix film. The running time's about two and a half hours. It's a story about a man who's been scrolling on Netflix for about two and a half hours. This film is rated PG for. Please get a life. AOC Alexandria Ocasio Cortez will be starring in a remake of the science fiction classic the Fly. Only now it's going to be called the Horse Fly. On the subject of filthy animals that you can ride, Jada Pinkett Smith. Yes. Actually, after what happened to Chris Rock at the Academy Awards, I think we ought to dedicate the entire month of March to Chris Rock. We'll call it March for Chris Rock. What do you think? Make it a public holiday, like Lincoln's birthday, who coincidentally was attacked by a deranged actor himself. John Wilkes Baldwin was his name.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Right?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Adrian Escamilla, are you the dad that

[Ari Matty]

made fun of my sweet angel Phoenix,

[Brian Redban]

you bastard.

[Adrian Escamilla]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay, Adrian. Sam,

[Sam Talon]

it's just brutal for him to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

have to follow Phoenix. It is a transition. It is a tough follow. No doubt about it. The person before you, super charismatic, entertaining, and you come in the world's laziest Ninja Turtle. This is incredible. Adrian, how long you been doing standup?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Since 2013. Well, actually, technically, the first time I tried is 2009, but what do you think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, 11 years in the game and wow. What do you do for a living?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I work at home. I am a payment processor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're processing payments?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Yeah, laundering shit.

[Sam Talon]

Can we get your hands out of your pockets, please?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank Absolutely incredible. What's the band aid on the arm for?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Oh, I just donated plasma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Today is. So we're finding out how you really make money.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How often do you do that?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Twice a week. I made 300 today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Balling out of control, ladies and gentlemen.

[Sam Talon]

It hurt like a son of a Joker shirt. That's good.

[Adrian Escamilla]

It hurt like a son of a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you know, it is so scary to think that if we get into an accident, it could be your blood put into us. I mean, there's really no quality check whatsoever. Okay, Adrian, what else in life? What are some hobbies? What else are you doing? What's distracting you from getting better at stand up comedy? Ouch.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Well, technically, this isn't what I usually do for. Oh, I'm setting myself up here. Technically, I don't tell jokes on stage. Usually when I get on stage, I don't talk at all. This is like the first time in a long time I've told jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do when you get on stage?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I would love to show you, but they won't let me bring up my deal here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're what?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I usually use like a prop or something that like, it's like a performance deal, but, like, they won't let me use it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is it? A performance deal? Describe it. Better than that.

[Tom Feedback]

It's like a.

[Adrian Escamilla]

It's a scooper and, like, use it to make things sing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A scooper?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I use it to, like, play the music. It's pretty cool. I think a lot of people like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A scooper to play music.

[Adrian Escamilla]

They play music and I use it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They play music and you.

[Ari Matty]

Is anybody in the bathroom?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does anybody have his scooper? Where do we keep his scooper at? He has a USB drive with music on.

[Sam Talon]

So that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you have it ready and you're excited. Is it trademarked music? Cuz YouTube will flag us.

[Adrian Escamilla]

That's what I was worried about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. We're a show on that network. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Bummer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Well, there goes that idea.

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's. It's trademarked. Copyrighted music?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Well, you put yourself in quite the hole here, Adrian.

[Sam Talon]

And you sure that's not the one with CP on it?

[Adrian Escamilla]

What?

[Sam Talon]

Hands out of the pockets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you so much. You have a scooper and music plays. So can you give us an example of a song that plays with your scooper?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Name any song and I can play it. I can use the scooper with it.

[Sam Talon]

Beethoven's Fifth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, how about you use your hand?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I can't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why can't you do that? You're so stuck to the scooper.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Art, bring it out here. Let someone bring it out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where is it?

[Adrian Escamilla]

It's by the entrance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, somebody grab his fucking scooper. Jesus Christ. Almight. Oh, my God. Is that it? This is what you lug around with you to perform? Art. Okay, John Dees, I need you to play something that's not an actual famous song so that YouTube doesn't flag it. Here we go. 1, 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Anyone gonna sing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Adrian Escamilla]

I need someone to sing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sing. Okay, Sam.

[Sam Talon]

This was easier than writing a joke. I do this instead of actually trying a comedy. This is the thing that keeps me from killing myself. I will have my revenge on Tony. Hinge clip. I will use his skin as a mask. This looks like Mario should be dodging it. This looks like Luigi lives in fear of it. Now I know why your forearms are so strong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm going to stop you right there.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, how about a hand for damn talent carrying the comedy part of the scooper act. Adrian, grab, grab, grab that microphone. Matt Muling is even jumping in here. He literally only talks once every six months. Saying that's really the whole bit, so. And what's. What's crazy is I always host the show and I have the same, same question for you. You, after 10 or 11 years of comedy experience, you have decided that a scooper, which, by the way, I agree with my entire team, is a safety hazard.

[Ari Matty]

That's not how you use that. You know,

[Sam Talon]

you usually use it to clean up.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Yeah, that's what I was worried about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been using that scooper as a comedic prop?

[Adrian Escamilla]

It started, like, around the pandemic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Sam Talon]

We all went a little crazy.

[Adrian Escamilla]

Absolutely, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

What else did you do to the scooper during the pandemic?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Don't ask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, Ari, I don't know if you know this, but after seeing his prop act, I must say that if he was born in Estonia, he would have been euthanized

[Sam Talon]

by the arts council.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That really is unbelievable. I don't want to critique you too hard because I'm pretty sure this is how Hitler was made the vaccine this country up.

[Brian Redban]

That's that booster, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. It is true. Are you vaccinated and boosted?

[Adrian Escamilla]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That's why you're allowed to donate plasma. Am I correct? They don't take the plasma. Vaccinated. Boosted people, they don't give a shit.

[Adrian Escamilla]

They just want the blood.

[Sam Talon]

Sounds like you.

[Brian Redban]

I want the blood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adrian. Eskimillo. Well, I wish you the best of luck, man. I really think you need it. I encourage you to take chances creatively and try things outside of the scooper. It seems like you've really boxed yourself in. Yeah. I'd imagine you do a lot of open mics, correct?

[Adrian Escamilla]

Absolutely right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the comedians laugh because you're doing something so different, but there's no way that works in real life.

[Sam Talon]

And if you make it, you're gonna have to split the check with the scooper.

[Adrian Escamilla]

That's true. True.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke book. There you go. Adrian Eskimilla. Oh, my goodness. That was crazy.

[Ari Matty]

That scooper is gonna be my nightmares, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That might be one of the craziest commitments to art that I've ever seen. He couldn't even do the thing.

[Sam Talon]

He's dependent on someone else doing the thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He can't. Yeah. There's so much wrong with that. Somehow. Phoenix Provocateur is the best bucket pool of the night so far.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to see how things go from here. Make some noise. This guy's been on this show before. Make some noise for Bobby Brown Jr. Right out of the bucket. Here he is. Hell, yeah.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I'm living my dream doing comedy right now, man. This crazy, you know?

[Sam Talon]

Thank you.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

But when I was a kid, I had a different dream, you know, I really wanted to be an actor. When I was a kid, I used to beg my mom. I was like, mom, please let me audition for Nickelodeon. Please, mom. Yeah. Little did I know I was begging to get fucked. That's weird.

[Tom Feedback]

That's.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Y' all see the Nickelodeon documentaries. It's kind of crazy, man. They had all kind of weird requirements. Dan Schneider said, apparently, if you want to be on Nick at night, you got to start taking dick at night. Yeah. When they said get slime, nigga, they meant get slime. Netflix offered those people $3 million to tell the stories about what happened to them, you know? And when the documentary came out, my mom made me watch it with her, right? She was like, look, Bobby. Look what I saved you from. I had to remind her, ma, these people just made $3 million. You didn't save me, Ma. You blocked me. That's what happened. Thank you guys so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Bobby Brown Jr. Welcome back to the show.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

What up, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I'm doing great, man. Good to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Good to see you. Very fun. Good set. Rock solid. How long you been doing stand up again?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Almost six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I six Years. Where was most of that at?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Jacksonville, Florida, Man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, man. Dang.

[Sam Talon]

Now what are you giggling at?

[Ari Matty]

6 years. Wait till you get to the scoopa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is true. You've only just begun. Compared to the last comedian. Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I think you look great without the makeup, Phoenix. I'm just kidding. I know Bobby. He's very funny. We've worked together before.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Good to see you again, buddy.

[Sam Talon]

Only black guy in a corduroy hat that I trust because you're the only one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly would you trust him with? Well, a house.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I could watch your house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could watch my house from the outside? Yeah, that is correct. Incredible. Bobby, where'd you get those necklaces at?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I got one of them from Walmart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how about the other exact matching necklace?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

This one came out one of those gumball machines like so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They really are. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna make a joke about it, then I stopped myself cuz I thought maybe that was actually one of the answers and I was correct. Incredible. Tell us about your lips situation, Bobby.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Oh, I'm actually very excited you asked me this, Tony, because a couple weeks ago y' all had an episode come out in the YouTube arena. Congratulations. You let Cam Patterson tell 3 million people that I was homeless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I have an apartment, guys. I got an apartment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Thank you, Bobby. I'm gonna say this in Tony's defense. No one lets Cam Patterson do anything. He does whatever he wants.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's true.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I have an apartment, though. It's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How many roommates? One.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

One.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why the long.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I don't. Yeah, it's one. I promise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You promise? Now I really don't believe you. Why would you promise such a thing?

[Sam Talon]

How many living roommates, Bobby?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. With a name like Bobby Brown Jr. I definitely don't want to use your bathtub. I know that.

[Sam Talon]

That was a great joke. That was a great joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but you are no relation to the actual Bobby Brown. You just like going by Bobby Brown Jr. Because it makes people think you might be that Bobby Brown Jr. And it gives you more opportunities and lets you in places that you wouldn't normally get in. Isn't that correct? I know this for a fact. The answer is yes. Yes, it is.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Absolutely no. It's actually a weird situation. I just. I actually. My name is Bobby Brown Jr. Because my. You know, my dad was Bobby. Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I'm Tony Soprano iii. Yeah, absolutely.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I actually just found out like a couple years ago that I have a different biological dad though. So I'm named Junior after somebody who's not my dad. You know, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Congratulations. We have a special award. Blackest guy of the night. Wait, no, I'm getting. I'm getting worse. Word. Phoenix is actually the recipient of that award.

[Sam Talon]

Do you have to change your name to Michael Vick Jr. He was a football player.

[Ari Matty]

The dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know. Yes, the dogs, absolutely. This new apartment. Bobby Brown Jr. How are you paying your rent?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I work at the airport now. I. I just. I push people. Old people and disabled people. I push them in wheelchairs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're a wheelchair pusher?

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there's someone that thinks.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Appreciate your job over there. Wow, that's a real stupid. Over there.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. She thinks you're doing a good deed. She's probably a nice lady.

[Sam Talon]

Okay, who are the worst tippers?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Like. Like what race? What do you. I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's start there and then we'll go

[Sam Talon]

read the room, dummy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, can you that.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not cuz he's black, by the way. It's cuz he's stupid. No, I'm kidding. Tell us about pushing people in wheelchairs.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah, the people. I don't know. Disabled people are kind of funny, you know, Like I was.

[Sam Talon]

I know. That first guy was great. That's pretty much the whole thing in this show.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

No, they. They real supportive. I. I pushed a lady who goes to like there's like a school for the blind here in Austin. So I was. I was pushing her in a wheelchair. She was just asking me about her life. I told her I do comedy and stuff like that and she was real supportive, you know, but one time she's like, not even one time. She kept saying, I can't wait to see you on Netflix someday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's blind.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah, that's what I realized.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I thought she was being nice and then I realized after she was blind, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you showed her though. You pushed her to the wrong game gate. You're flying spirit. Incredible. Wow. So you have blind people. Anything else crazy ever happen at the airport?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I mean, homeless people try to break in and sleep there, you know, but that's your thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. That's why you stumbled on how many roommates you have.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

It's a real house, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right. You have your own bedroom room. Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah,

[Brian Redban]

yeah.

[Ari Matty]

That sounded sketchy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Dude, you have your own bathroom. You don't share a bathroom with anybody.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I don't think so. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't think so?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

No.

[Ari Matty]

Bobby, Bobby, are you still homeless?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. So what else? What do you do for fun.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I started.

[Martin Phillips]

I don't.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I go to the movies now out here in Austin, you know.

[Sam Talon]

You go to the movies?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah, listen, I.

[Sam Talon]

It's.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

It's moving here. I had to find some new to do that's fun. They don't got beaches out here like I'm used to, so I don't know.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, those Jacksonville beaches.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Hey, you know.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

You should come one day.

[Sam Talon]

I have been out there. That's how I got hep C. What

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

do you do when you go to the beaches of Jacksonville?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I mean, you look. Walk on the beach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You walk on the beach?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't do anything else.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

There sharks in there. You're not going to swim or nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

You got to be vigilant.

[Sam Talon]

They don't like dark me. You can use that, Bobby. I have no use for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bobby, you've been on this show before. Did you ever get a big joke book?

[Dallas Urban]

I did.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

I got one, Tony. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Congratulations, Bobby. Great stuff. There he goes. Bobby Brown Jr. We're going to keep it moving along. And what are the odds that his position out of the bucket was perfect to bring up a man who believes in Bobby Brown Jr. A person who I do believe put Bobby up in his apartment for a while. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. This is a brand new minute from our very own Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

That nigga still. That Nigga's still homeless. 100%. I recently was in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and I went to a tractor pool. Oh, you've heard of this? It's just like this. It's a lot of white people, but y' all are like, really nice. Y' all look like good, like black people. They was like, how did you find out about. A tractor pool is like a Klan rally with a theme. It was. At one point, they started booing. They started booing one of the racers. And it was just me and three other black people walking through a sea of whites just hearing boo. And one white guy went, don't worry, we not booing you. That's the next chant, right, Aaron, at the tractor pool, they had the Amish there. I've never seen the Amish in my life. I'm from Florida, dog. So I saw him, I was like, oh, shit, it's the Amish. And they were like, oh, fuck, it's a nigga. And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn it, I say it every week. I'll say it again. You. You have done it again. Coming in, just storming with the best jokes of the night. Absolutely incredible. All from another weekend on the road. You are able to sell tickets, make money, and at the same time, make more material. You are a fully operational machine. Absolutely incredible. Tractor pull in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Sam Talent, I just want to say this.

[Sam Talon]

So, Cam, we booked you to do that festival I'm running in of all Arkansas in October, Diamond City Comedy Festival. And we received your writer today. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Sam Talon]

Now, I just. I just want to read what's on this writer.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Oh, please.

[Sam Talon]

If anyone had any doubts, the Cam's the blackest man alive. So an adequate amount of bottled water, or that's normal. I need to have an assortment of gums and mints, you know, for your perfect smile.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Beef jerky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Sam Talon]

Or as you guys call it in Estonia, beef. You know, and then this is where it gets a bit specific.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Homemade Kool Aid. No. You're joking. No, bro. No way. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And hey, hey, Sam.

[Cam Patterson]

And it better fucking be there, though. It better fucking be there.

[Sam Talon]

I'm gonna make it personal.

[Cam Patterson]

I need that.

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Sam Talon]

And just to follow up, in case. In case that wasn't definitively black enough. Two. And then in parentheses, the number two. Black and mild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Oh, my God. And it's so. There's not even a specific. Even John Dees is confused at your Ryder, and he has the exact same rider. Where's the chicken? Jon wants to know.

[Cam Patterson]

They usually have it at, like, the clubs and shit. I don't gotta ask for chicken. They got chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What flavor? Kool Aid. You didn't even say.

[Cam Patterson]

Whatever Kool Aid you. So I'm rating all the Kool Aids. So the best place so far has been the Mic Drop in San Diego. They made all the Kool Aids in every flavor. And that was delicious, right? Hilarities was pretty good. And then when I was in Springfield, swear to God, no lie. When I was in Springfield, there was a black dude with gold teeth and dreads, and he was like, what's up, nigga? I'm making your Kool Aid. I never saw him again.

[Sam Talon]

I'm gonna say the same thing to you. In Arkansas,

[Cam Patterson]

They just hired a Kool Aid maker, dog. That was it. And I never saw him again. Ever again.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That is incredible. So you always drink the Kool Aid everywhere you go?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I tasted too much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck is Kool Aid? Whoa. What? Why is it so cool?

[Ari Matty]

What's the.

[Cam Patterson]

You don't got Kool Aid in Estonia, nigga.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Cam, I'm going to leave it to you to explain to this Estonian man what Kool Aid is.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, so Kool Aid, like a packet, right? That you get like, it's like a flavored packet with a little bit of sugar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's doing Martin Phillips's hand right now.

[Cam Patterson]

Kool Aid is a little flavored little packet, right? And it got like a little bit of sugar in it. And you mix it with water now to make good Kool Aid. What the is this,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John? It's your very own John D's going against John. This one playing a little Kool Aid undertone music.

[Ari Matty]

How do you make good Kool Aid?

[Cam Patterson]

So look, to make good Kool Aid, right? See, Tony would make Kool Aid, he'll put like little bit of water, right? Kool Aid, you know what I'm saying? And then a small piece of semen, right?

[Ari Matty]

And cuz he's gay.

[Cam Patterson]

Because he's gay, right?

[Sam Talon]

And then you're learning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have Kool Aids

[Cam Patterson]

and a little bit, just a little bit of sugar, right? I make Kool Aid. Same exact thing. Two packets, Two packets of Kool Aid, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Water, sugar, the whole pack, lots of sugar.

[Ari Matty]

Isn't diabetes a big problem in the. I don't think this is a good career choice to put so much sugar.

[Cam Patterson]

That's not the reason. It's one of the reasons, but not the main reason.

[Sam Talon]

It got Patrice o'.

[Brian Redban]

Neill.

[Ari Matty]

That's the expression. He drank the Kool Aid.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. Yes.

[Sam Talon]

Very good learning.

[Cam Patterson]

This is good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this is everywhere you go, they have Kool Aid.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Or you won't go on stage.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I won't get up. If you don't bring me to Kool Aid, I'm not going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. And what else? When you're on the road, are there other things you like to do? Was there other things in Fort Wayne, Indiana perhaps that you did or.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, no, I just. I just know one thing. I know one thing. I found out. I want to Amish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Don't shake your head, Red man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want to smell, man.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't give a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know that? From Ohio? From your country in Columbus, Ohio, that Amish pussy?

[Cam Patterson]

We got a Amish dude.

[Ari Matty]

Hell yeah. They don't know about Reddit. They don't know nothing. Listen, they don't even know MySpace.

[Cam Patterson]

Listen, I'm a fuck. An Amish dog.

[Ari Matty]

Me too.

[Cam Patterson]

I want to Amish really bad. I want to fuck Amish really bad.

[Ari Matty]

Bad.

[Cam Patterson]

But I was thinking about. They were like, we can get you on the farm. But I don't want to go to the farm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they will because. Because they.

[Cam Patterson]

They stuck in the past, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I don't know what past they stuck in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No Kool Aid out there in Amish country.

[Sam Talon]

You also have to fight through the coarse pubic hair.

[Cam Patterson]

That's fine.

[Sam Talon]

An Amish lady's pubes look like your hair.

[Cam Patterson]

That's fine.

[Sam Talon]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

That's fine.

[Sam Talon]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, fuck me.

[Sam Talon]

Amish, it's like fucking through chore boy.

[Cam Patterson]

Dude, how cool that'd be. I'd be the only black person to fuck Amish. Cam Patterson in black history likes rocks. Fuck the Amish

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

legend, Cam. You're a fucking machine. We love you. There he goes. The legend, the man, the myth, the machine Cam motherfucking Patterson. We found him out of the bucket it in late May of 2023. And there you go. Who knows your next bucket pool could be the next future superstar of the show. We're going to meet them all together. Make some noise for Dallas Urban, everybody. The debut of Dallas Urban. Oh, he's been on before. The return of Dallas Urban.

[Dallas Urban]

What's up, bubby?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Dallas Urban]

I went from £230 to £185 in a year and a half. Cause, yeah, we're working my ass off and stuff. And the best thing that's happened to me is fucking all those beautiful little fat white girls and mixed race kids over in Pflugerville, y'.

[Tom Feedback]

All.

[Dallas Urban]

That's all I can tell you, man. I'm telling you, little Trayvon McAllister needs a dad and I'm here for it. He's gonna be a left tackle for a Super bowl winning team and I'm here for it. Yo, I don't even give a fuck if they had yellow team teeth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just saying.

[Dallas Urban]

Oh, man, I don't understand how incels exist, man, when those women exist. I'm just saying, dude, like I had one trust fund girl here and my dick is not a block of cheese. It's more of a little smoky of anything like that. Why are you grading it? Oh, God damn, I suck. This sucks, Tony. I suck, man. I absolutely suck, man. Oh, good lord. I will, I will, I will, I will. You don't know how. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. This sucks, man. I am horrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude. All right, I'm gonna stop you there because you're over a minute now. You started repeating I suck at 47 seconds.

[Dallas Urban]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir, sir, that's my bad yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, sir. No, sir. Dallas, what makes you even attempt this?

[Dallas Urban]

I really don't know. I guess I'm just not a Kill Tony guy because, like, I've done this my fourth time and I am very ashamed of myself right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you. When you say you're not a Kill Tony guy, does that mean you funny?

[Dallas Urban]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Yes, sir. Okay.

[Sam Talon]

He's stepping on your punchlines, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. These. These guys, these. They just come in and really, he's apologizing silently now. He just mouthed the words, I'm sorry to me.

[Sam Talon]

Dallas, have you considered getting fat again?

[Brian Redban]

It would help, dude.

[Dallas Urban]

It would fucking help.

[Sam Talon]

It seems like it's worked for me. Dallas.

[Dallas Urban]

Rock it good, though.

[Sam Talon]

Thanks, man. You, too, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Dallas. Yes, sir. What do you think? How long you been doing this now?

[Dallas Urban]

Maybe like three years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years.

[Dallas Urban]

Most of the time here and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And like, when you say here, where do you mean?

[Dallas Urban]

In Austin, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay, so three years. Why don't we hear the best joke you've ever written?

[Sam Talon]

Got this, Dallas.

[Dallas Urban]

Best joke I ever written.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on this show multiple times. You say you're not a Kill Tony guy. Let's hear your very best joke. Here it is, three years in the game. Alice Irvin. Yes, sir.

[Dallas Urban]

Okay. I found out I was adopted. And I got to meet my biological mom when I was 20 years old, 14 years ago. And she gave me five numbers to look up. And they were all black dudes. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

Yes, sir.

[Dallas Urban]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not even a. That's not even a joke.

[Sam Talon]

It's just a sobering reality.

[Dallas Urban]

I mean, like, they called her Salad Tosser. And I'm just like, oh, that explains everything about me sexually. So, like, that explains so much. Man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dallas, I'm gonna let you off easy tonight.

[Ari Matty]

Your hair got more gray during the set.

[Sam Talon]

He had a lot of confidence when he came out. I thought it was going to go well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He did. I thought so, too. Dallas, you're gone. Goodbye, Dallas Urban. There he goes. Put the mic in the mic stand. Can you guys. Boo, Dallas Irvin. There you go. Get it. Go, Dallas. Go. Get the out. There you go. Very good. That was a true bomb. That is a no joke book. Do not pass go. Do not come collect $200 bomb. Luckily, we have a solution. Now, when somebody bombs, we call in the bomb squad. We have a superhero that specializes in performing after somebody bombs. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds from the great and powerful Drew.

[Brian Redban]

Nick. All right. Ever since I've been made a regular By Tony, my DMs have been popping. I'm talking short. I'm talking tall. I'm talking skinny. I'm talking. What? It's crazy. Some of them are young and fresh. Some are a little old reliable. They're amazing. And some are good and healthy for me. Some are dangerous and toxic, but they make me feel so alive. They all want me to. They love my energy. They even want to be with me. They'll do whatever it takes. They'll even pay me. I mean, these energy drink companies are really thirsty for me, man. Thirsty as hell. And they all want to recruit me like I'm the next Billy Mays. But wait, there's more. There was this health influencer. She slid in my DMs. She said, Drew, I love you. You're so cute, but I'm worried about your heart. And I said, baby, it's safe with me. She said, no, Drew, I'm worried about your heart. It's going to explode. That's when I shotgun an energy drink. And then I blocked that. Thank you all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew Nickens, he loves energy drinks, ladies and gentlemen. I love it. So, Drew, welcome. Another new minute for you. How's life going?

[Brian Redban]

It's amazing, Tony. Everybody's been so supportive. Everybody's been so kind. There's some funny duddies but them. We're having a good time, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you're damn right. So, Drew,

[Sam Talon]

he's the new regular?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, one of the new rotating regulars.

[Sam Talon]

All it took was a guy with a head injury to replace Hans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. So, Drew, are there really a lot of girls in your DMs?

[Brian Redban]

Hell, no, Tony. I swear. There's four girls in my DMs and seven energy drink companies, dawg. The ratio is crazy.

[Ari Matty]

Four girls. Drew, you doing great, dog. Dude, I got nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Ari Matty]

Nada. Purple bacon, nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Brian Redban]

I like your haircut, Ari.

[Ari Matty]

Thank you, Drew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is. It's so good to be hanging out at recess with you two right now.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

You're the foreign kid who has to be friends with Drew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I'm kidding. I love you. You're a light backstage. I'm so happy for you, man.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you so much, Mr. Talent. I really appreciate you. He's one of the best in the game right now. Let's give it up.

[Sam Talon]

Stop. Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. So, Drew, I love it. And you know you had your first Texas kiss here. If you go on dates at all, you like girls. Right?

[Brian Redban]

Yes. I love girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get married?

[Brian Redban]

You like women? Yes, I like women too. Hell yeah, Sam.

[Sam Talon]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You been on any dates or anything?

[Brian Redban]

Other than the Taco Bell? In the car that I ate with a girl, I got friend zoned over spicy nuggets. Tony.

[Sam Talon]

Ooh, that was an Uber driver. Drew.

[Brian Redban]

She didn't have red hair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew, what else have you been doing? Have you checked out Austin, Texas at all? Have you gone out? Gone around?

[Brian Redban]

I like to go to malls and go to the outlet malls and find shoes and then I like to go to the arcade and play. Big buck Hunter. I had the time of my life. I went to one of your ghetto malls here in Austin. I think it's called Lakeway or something. It was amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You are the biggest 11 year old we've ever had on this show. It's perfect. We also had a big woman on the show earlier too.

[Sam Talon]

You're growing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You know, Ari, I don't know if you know this, but in your country he would have been euthanized.

[Ari Matty]

Holy. Nobody's made it so far.

[Sam Talon]

I think he. He survived a euthanation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we didn't say it about Cam and Bobby Brown Jr. But I promise you they would have been euthanized as well.

[Brian Redban]

It's cuz I'm black, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're correct, Drew. Very good. Wow. Somebody's got kool Aid on his rider.

[Brian Redban]

So one time, Tony, I put five hour energy in my kool Aid. That was amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. True.

[Announcer]

He's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew, we love you. You pulled us out of another bomb. That's another new minute from Drew Nickens, everybody. It goes on and on. Can't understand how we last so long. We must have superpowers. All right, your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds. Going to Chloe Lebranche. The truth train keeps rolling. Chloe Labranche. Here she is. Make some noise for Chloe, everybody.

[Announcer]

I hope you guys don't mind if I start with a light joke. Okay, cool. I went home with this guy the other night and he started raping me. But then I looked up and I saw he had a Yale diploma hanging over his bed. And I was like, nah, he's fucking me. I was, thank you so much. I was thinking about the women who were fucking the hijackers in 9 11. I feel like women always give men the benefit of the doubt, you know? They're probably like, ah, they're on a boys trip. We know who did it. Relax. As a woman, I'm really sick of pedophiles. I'm sick of these men fucking these kids. Cause it's like these kids, you know, they're stealing our jobs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chloe Labranche. This is your first time on the show, right?

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Announcer]

Like 11 years when I'm not in rehab.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. 11 years. And what were you in rehab for?

[Announcer]

You know, I'm an alcoholic, but like, I'm not a loser. I'll do pills, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Announcer]

If you have them, I'll take them. Same.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What kind of pills were we doing?

[Announcer]

What do you have, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just have testosterone and Cialis, so

[Announcer]

they'll probably get me on JFL. So let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

JFL's not a thing anymore.

[Announcer]

We're bringing it back when I go trans. That's how you get new faces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Chloe, where are you from?

[Announcer]

New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

New York. Do you still live in New York?

[Announcer]

I do do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do you do for a living?

[Sam Talon]

Paint houses, I'm guessing.

[Announcer]

Yes,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it is quite the getup. They did make an all female Ghostbusters.

[Announcer]

Yeah, this is the reboot of the reboot. Not going to go well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Sam Talon]

At least we know you're not on your period.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Announcer]

Yeah. It's because I'm on Tony's pills, so I don't get it at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. Period blockers. So, Chloe, you live in New York. How do you make a living?

[Announcer]

I relax. I actually work for Phoenix. No, I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Announcer]

I hold her dick on the red carpet.

[Sam Talon]

No, it's at eye level. For you.

[Announcer]

That was good, Sam.

[Sam Talon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just thinking about Phoenix's cock again. So what do you do?

[Announcer]

Oh, I'm a part time assistant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right, Very good. Part time assistant. You make enough money to survive in New York City?

[Announcer]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Sam Talon]

Well, you sleep in a cupboard, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. So you're an alcoholic, you say. But you're in recovery.

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been sober?

[Announcer]

I just got my first year on June 11th.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations.

[Announcer]

Yeah, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the trick? How do you do it? How does someone stay sober?

[Announcer]

Well, you try for eight years and then. Yeah, and then nobody wants to drink with you anymore, including yourself. So that's really it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. You go to meetings and stuff.

[Announcer]

Stuff, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keeps you in check.

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have like a story when at those meetings, like you have like a good story? Like some people are like, I was driving a car and. And then I saw my baby seat in the back and it was wrecked or whatever. What's yours?

[Announcer]

That was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that it? Okay. I nailed it. There you go.

[Announcer]

No, I have a lot. I could like sell my bottoms on ebay. I got a lot of problems. I. Oh, here's a good one. So I was at rehab in Malibu and I. My boyfriend, we just met, but in rehab you have to get boyfriends immediately. And so he got kicked out cause his drug dealer baby dog threw drugs over the hedge and then everybody got fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What kind of drugs again?

[Announcer]

I'm curious. Xanax and coke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah, the best. Yeah, that's like giving Drew Nickens a case of hot girl speedball.

[Sam Talon]

Oh yeah, it's also a big fat guy speedball.

[Announcer]

No, but then I should I keep going with the story?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

100%.

[Announcer]

Oh, okay. Yeah, Relax.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. That's like your catchphrase.

[Ari Matty]

Everybody needs to relax.

[Announcer]

It's probably me. I'm always projecting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So zanny and coke comes over the head.

[Announcer]

Yeah. So I'm fucking this guy right now. No. He gets kicked out and then we're allowed to have our cell phones at Malibu at Promises. Not a good place and. Cause they think we're like executives, but.

[Sam Talon]

So you're just a part time assistant?

[Announcer]

I mean, I met Mariah. Carey's a manager there. Pretty big deal for rehab. Anyway, so then he gets kicked out and then I'm all upset, so I make this plan. I'm gonna run away to see him. So I convinced them to take me to the alumni meeting downtown in Malibu where all like the Promises alumni's are doing whatever better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bunch of preachy motherfuckers.

[Announcer]

Yeah. So they take my phone to my wallet and then I have two people watching me who came to watch. And then one turns around and I run and I go into Ralph's and they sell vodka. So I steal a bottle of vodka.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stole it?

[Announcer]

Yes. Cause I didn't have a wallet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, Right.

[Ari Matty]

I love you, Chloe. Yeah, Chloe don't give a fuck.

[Announcer]

It gets a lot better. So then I got like blacked out in this like skate park as an adult. Yeah, I'm on a list now. No. So then I go back to the meeting and I have like my bottle of vodka and I start like screaming, can I have a cigarette? And I start screaming. I'm like. I walk in the meeting, I'm like, fuck you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck you.

[Announcer]

You guys don' what it's like to have a problem. So they call the ambulance and they make me go to the hospital outside ucla. And then like I get let go from the hospital at, like, 7:00am I'm wearing a hospital gown. I have a bag just of, like, Marlboro Lights and a crop top. And so I don't know what to do. But across from the UCLA hospital are the UCLA frat houses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh. Oh, party time.

[Announcer]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's fucking go.

[Announcer]

So I walk in, right? And I start fucking this guy. No, I get it, I get it, I get it. No, so I knock on the door of sae, and so I know the code. If anyone wants to know, you just say, phi Alpha Brother. And I go in and I'm like, wearing a hospital gown. And they have to let me in. Cause I say Dakota. And I'm like, I need a fucking drink. They give me, like, a beer. And I'm like, come on, don't you have anything harder? And they're like, well, last night we had, like, jungle parties. So, like, we used all the hard alcohol, but we have beer and the hot girls. I'm like, oh, we're not saying you're not hot, but. So then I'm like, drinking a beer, preaching. I'm like, you guys never do drugs, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What time of the day is this?

[Announcer]

7:00am wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, wow, wow.

[Announcer]

Yeah. So then I don't have a phone, so I get one of the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By the way, I can't believe I had to ask. I. You're blatantly from New York. This is incredible, the way you're smoking and telling this story. So then another thing.

[Brian Redban]

I went up 7am, I'm in LA. I don't want to be there. Them.

[Announcer]

So I says to the guy, All right, relax. Fall back.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, Chloe. Absolutely incredible. So a year sober.

[Announcer]

I didn't finish the story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go on.

[Announcer]

So then I get one of the frat guys. He's snorting Aderall before a test, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're like, there's my boy.

[Announcer]

Yeah. I was like, there's a guy I'd like to marry. And I get him to call me an Uber back to Malibu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Announcer]

What a gentleman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Spoiled little rich UCLA kid snorting Adderall, sending you on your way. No sexual interactions. He just got you an Uber to Malibu from ucla.

[Announcer]

I wasn't looking too good, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Sam Talon]

Didn't want a fucking Indian guy.

[Announcer]

They could already smell the alcohol on me. I didn't want that too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely amazing, Chloe Labranche. Amazing. What else are you into? What do you do for fun now that you're sober?

[Announcer]

I like to go to horror movies. I like to play soccer.

[Sam Talon]

What are you, the ball?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, relax.

[Announcer]

It was like, look at us go, you know, it's like we're like Davitel and Ross right here.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Dibs on a tail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing, Chloe. Absolutely incredible. So what brings you to Austin, Texas?

[Announcer]

I was featuring for Corinne Fisher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Announcer]

At the creek.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, awesome.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And look at you now.

[Sam Talon]

Another rock bottom.

[Announcer]

No, I said to Voss, I'm like, I want to go and kill Tony. He's like, as a judge? I was like, no, a contestant. He's like, jesus, who said that? Rich Voss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, yeah, yeah, there you go, Rich.

[Announcer]

Yeah. Second name drop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Rich. Just wish he could have as good of a set and interview as you had here tonight. Incredible stuff, Chloe. Very, very amazing. And you know, I said it earlier, but we have all different types of people that come here. There's nothing I think is cooler than when a real comedy vet that knows the ins and outs and their way around an actual improvised interview and following a lead and taking the ball and running with it. And you just did that for 11 and a half minutes. Here's the big joke book. It's made a real time. Texas leather. There you go, Chloe. There she goes. Chloe Lebranche making her Kill Tony debut. Taking a chance, signing up, getting pulled out of the bucket. Amazing. And now we have a very special treat, ladies and gentlemen, A golden ticket winner, A legend of the show. You know him from this show from going on, being found by Howie Mandel on this show, Brought over to America's got Talent. Made it all the way to the semifinals. They screwed him. They had to mess up his microphone and his phone in order for to eliminate him or else I think he would have won the whole goddamn thing. He's back. The Canadian crippler. Make some noise for Aaron Belial, everybody. Come on, you could do better than that. It's the return of Aaron Belial. One more time for Aaron Belial.

[Aaron Belial]

Being disabled, I often run into people who try to recruit Jesus to fix me. I was in a taxi one time and he pulled over to tell me that he once cured an ear infection by praying. He says he can cure me. Since cerebral palsy and ear infections are exactly the same, I don't have a lot of options. So I'm like, okay, let's see what you got, big boy. Didn't work. I tried to pray his body odor away. That didn't work either. This poor broken man was so sad. I actually needed to apologize to him for still being disabled. It's okay, buddy. It's okay. You'll get it next time. I still have faith in you. It's not you, it's me. Next time a religious person tries to pray to heal me, I'm gonna start curling up the other arm and say,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you made it worse. Another new set by Aaron Belial. Very fun, Aaron. Always on fire, Ari. Why are you laughing like that? The wheels are turning over here.

[Ari Matty]

I hear another euthanasia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You beat us to it on that one.

[Sam Talon]

I feel like this guy's into youth and age Asia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, look at the. Look at this guy.

[Aaron Belial]

People keep asking me if I've been in porn and I'm like, no, that's Martin Phillips.

[Ari Matty]

I did get you two mixed up. For the first two weeks I was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

here, a lot of people in Denmark,

[Aaron Belial]

all disabled people need to wear a dandelion necklace to mark them. Here, we need to wear neon green bracelets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are going to be on forever, by the way. There's no getting those off of that wrist. That. Those are permanent bracelets. You son of a. Oh, you son of a. You did it again. Absolutely amazing, Aaron, you have some new facial hair. That's incredible. Amazing stuff. You can do that. Yeah. That's not affected by your condition whatsoever. Amish. Yeah, that is.

[Aaron Belial]

I need hormones to grow it better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Okay. And you've been doing the road. Things have been going good. You're making money selling tickets off of Kill Tony Fame. People love you. You're doing good. You have no idea how to respond to that.

[Aaron Belial]

Not agt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, agt. Oh, thanks for giving them the credit. Very good.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yes. The fan base of AGT is dead is what he's saying. They're old and they. They. Yeah, exactly.

[Cam Patterson]

Right?

[Sam Talon]

It's crazy that you can figure this out and that scooper guy couldn't do anything.

[Brian Redban]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It turns out he just has to have the scooper permanently attached to his arm the entire time. I love your act out this. The guy in the front row almost fainted from awkwardness. It was incredible. The poor guy didn't know what to do. Amazing stuff, Aaron. Oh, here we go.

[Aaron Belial]

I'm not sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Fuck that guy. Yeah. So, Aaron, what else is going on? You're in Austin, Texas. You're dressed.

[Aaron Belial]

I moved to Austin yesterday and tomorrow I'm getting stem cells, so that should be interesting. I told him I only want them from the neck down. If they make me talk, I'm going to be pissed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. That would be hysterical.

[Sam Talon]

I thought Red Band was the sound effects guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. So stem cells coming down. We don't know what can happen. We got nothing to lose, that's for sure.

[Sam Talon]

It's hold me up from here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Aaron Belial]

I could ruin my career.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. If you have a voice that will be incredible. Absolutely impossible. I'm guessing, right?

[Sam Talon]

What would be the first word you would say if you could say. Speak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, please. Please. Autocorrect's about to take this from us.

[Aaron Belial]

It starts with N. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Ch. That is the perfect answer.

[Sam Talon]

That was the first English word you learned too?

[Ari Matty]

Oh, hell yeah, dude. I've said that more than I've said hello. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aaron Belial. What else is going on?

[Aaron Belial]

It's Nana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nana.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, N. N word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And also I'm bombing. No, no, you're not. No, you're doing just fine. You're doing absolutely great. Warning. Warning. Warning. Overload. System overload. Overdrive. I love it. Aaron, so you moved to Austin. What's going on? What's your living situation? Better than Bobby Brown Jr. I take. I live in a one bedroom, one bathroom unit.

[Aaron Belial]

I'm living in one of the fans. Spare units.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fans. A fan of the show has a spare unit. Absolutely. Speaking of spare units, who could forget Phoenix Provocateur? She has, uh. Oh. Oh, look at him. He's jumping the clock.

[Sam Talon]

You could live in her foreskin.

[Aaron Belial]

I can't believe Tony said he doesn't know how to identify as a woman. That's like me saying I don't know how to fall down a flight of stairs,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you son of a bitch. Do you fall sometimes? Is that a thing that happens only in love. Incredible.

[Sam Talon]

Did I steal the words right out of your Bose speaker?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are amazing. I absolutely love it. So, stem cells tomorrow. Anything can happen. Stem cells famously course through the body and find things that need repair and cling to them and work on it.

[Aaron Belial]

And my next appearance is gonna be crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you get to choose black or white?

[Cam Patterson]

Stem cells?

[Sam Talon]

Like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that like an option?

[Aaron Belial]

We shall see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. That was a frightening tone you had there. We shall see. Throw a few extra E's in there, dude. We shall see. I love it. Well, Aaron, you're a fucking machine. Literally and metaphorically. We love you. You've done it again. Anything else? I see you scrolling.

[Announcer]

You son of a bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, get out of here. Get him out of here. There he goes. Aaron Belial, Golden 10 Ticket Winner, Defender, Always a solid set. From America's Got Talent, semi finalist, Kill Tony. Golden ticket winner, Aaron Belial. Onward. We Go with the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next comedian. Jacob Marshall, everybody. Jacob Marshall, right out of the bucket. Here he is.

[Jacob Marshall]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Jacob Marshall]

So I used to have an apple watch. I don't anymore. I got rid of it. I hated it. Cause there's this thing you can do with apple watches where you can connect them to a friend that has an apple watch, and it'll tell you when they finish a workout, which is terrible because backstory. I was dating this girl for, like three and a half years. We break up. It's a Saturday night, a few months after the breakup. I'm sitting on the couch with my best friend watching a UFC paper, and at midnight, I get a notification on my watch that says, kylie just finished a 17 minute cardio exercise. So y' all are smarter than me. Cause I looked at my friend, I was like, it's a little late for a run. He was like, jacob, she's not running. She's being ran through right now, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Ari Matty]

That's all I got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Exactly a minute your ex fucked after you broke up. Okay.

[Sam Talon]

What's your name again, bro?

[Jacob Marshall]

Jacob Marshall.

[Sam Talon]

Jacob Marshall. Good work.

[Jacob Marshall]

Thanks, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up, Jacob?

[Jacob Marshall]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Jacob Marshall]

Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How often do you come to Austin?

[Jacob Marshall]

About every three months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what brought you here today? Just this.

[Jacob Marshall]

My aunt's in Paris right now, so I'm dog sitting for her for two weeks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ants in Paris. One of my favorite Jay Z, Kanye west songs.

[Sam Talon]

Paris, Texas. Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so your aunt's in Paris, you're house sitting for her, Is that what you said? Yeah, she lives here in Austin. Okay. She have a nice house? Yeah, it's not bad. Okay. Have you noticed Bobby Brown Jr. Sneaking in? I love it. Okay, Jacob, what do you do for work?

[Jacob Marshall]

I'm like, I'm in sales. It's kind of boring. Like marketing technology. It's not super exciting stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not kind of boring, Jacob. That's ridiculously so boring. Overwhelmingly boring. What do you do for fun?

[Jacob Marshall]

I go out. I like live music a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I go out.

[Jacob Marshall]

My mom actually recently started, like, a country music career, so I've been, like, reluctantly supporting that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your mom recently started.

[Sam Talon]

Did your dad just die?

[Jacob Marshall]

They're long divorced. No, dude. Like, she's 54. She sold her house in Dallas, moved, like, out to the country, adopted, like eight cats, and then was like, I'm going to Nashville to record a country music album.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, so she lost her fucking mind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude.

[Jacob Marshall]

She's like a meth head boyfriend Away from being Joe.

[Tom Feedback]

Exotic. It's incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you heard this album? What's it called? Where can we find it? What's it called?

[Jacob Marshall]

She's released her first three songs.

[Brian Redban]

Where?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Jacob Marshall]

It's on Spotify.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's it called?

[Jacob Marshall]

Oh, God.

[Announcer]

Her first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you pretending like you don't know your mom's name right now? What?

[Jacob Marshall]

We're promoting it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay.

[Jacob Marshall]

It's called Kissing Frogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah. Let's go. No, don't. Okay. Very good, Red band. Very good commitment. Go to Spotify and actually look up the thing that we're talking about.

[Jacob Marshall]

Her name is Delee, which is spelled D apostrophe, L, E, E. Oh, no shit.

[Ari Matty]

Holy shit.

[Sam Talon]

That's like a name from your home country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Yeah, she is hot. Wow. Let's listen.

[Ari Matty]

Oh, yo, yo, yo. Your mom's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, your mom's banging, bro. You actually do have a ridiculously hot moment. Yo, we are the 1635th. Listen on Spotify. 1635. Can you get your mom on the show sometime? I hate that.

[Announcer]

That.

[Jacob Marshall]

That went so much better than my set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all, dude. Yeah, it's un. Unbelievable.

[Ari Matty]

Did your. Did your friends like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, Red band.

[Ari Matty]

When you were growing up, did your friends, like, joke about banging your mom?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. She's fire

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

everybody.

[Ari Matty]

And the divorce was rough, I hear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever heard another man. Your mom.

[Jacob Marshall]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Talon]

You got to get your mom a Fitbit, dude. Not.

[Brian Redban]

It ain't going to be 17 minutes,

[Ari Matty]

you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. She's kissing more than frogs out there, dude.

[Ari Matty]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's bangin.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. It's bothering you so much that it makes me just want to ask more questions about your mom. Well, I.

[Jacob Marshall]

She writes her music with chat GPT, which, like, hurts me to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't give a. Oh, yeah, that doesn't matter. Do you talk to her often?

[Jacob Marshall]

Like once a month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, once a month.

[Sam Talon]

It's time for her to talk with her mouth full.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Sam Talon]

Your mom would suck off anyone on this stage right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably.

[Ari Matty]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yes. Absolutely. Incredible. Incredible. What do we got there? Oh, Redband just followed her on Instagram. Your mom now has 62 followers, and one of them is Red.

[Brian Redban]

Gonna.

[Ari Matty]

Your mom, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it.

[Ari Matty]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the worst. She immediately accepted the follow request. She is live. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red man is DMing your mother right now.

[Sam Talon]

Message.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yo, what's up, boo? Hit send on It. Let's see if she responds. Please tell me this is going to get seen in real time. This could be one of the greatest moments in the show's history. If she randomly responds to red band,

[Sam Talon]

this is the first message she's ever received.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, man. This is absolutely incredible.

[Sam Talon]

You did this to your mom. I'm sure the Kill Tony fans will be very nice online.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good news is she's about to. Literally. Yeah, her following is about to. I mean, more than double, more than triple it's going to be. She has 62 followers right now. Remember the moment where your mom had 62 followers? She is D L E E official on Instagram.

[Sam Talon]

No, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you looking for the delete imposters, just know. Go to D L E E official.

[Ari Matty]

No, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the official account. In case there's another account that has more than 62 followers.

[Sam Talon]

Pictures.

[Ari Matty]

More pictures.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man, I'm so glad my mom is dead.

[Brian Redban]

My mom did, too.

[Ari Matty]

Thank God.

[Brian Redban]

Dude.

[Ari Matty]

Oh, she's vibing. There's some videos, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. She's live on this one.

[Ari Matty]

Oh, why did the divorce happen?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man, there's. There's video of this. Nobody is paying attention to her at all. This is incredible.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how did it make you feel when your mom left you and started her music career in her mid-50s? 50s?

[Jacob Marshall]

Not great. It feels way worse now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jacob Marshall, do not look up my mom.

[Jacob Marshall]

On only fans, red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh. It's the difference. It's okay.

[Cam Patterson]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. It's okay. False alarm. It's a different D. It's a different D On I don't know about this.

[Brian Redban]

Like, I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, I was wondering how

[Jacob Marshall]

she funded the album, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

she's kissing more than frogs, it turns out. Wow. Unbelievable.

[Jacob Marshall]

She did buy an Audi recently. I was like, I don't know where this came from.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Like, wow.

[Jacob Marshall]

It's not from music sales. It's not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's using AI for only fans avatar.

[Sam Talon]

Also, it seems like.

[Jacob Marshall]

Well, then at least it's not really her. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Jacob, before I let you go, most interesting thing about your entire life other than that's okay. Red band. That's a different red band. Come on, get out of here. Yeah, exactly. Just went down. Someone else. Some other D. Lee's rabbit hole On

[Ari Matty]

Good enough for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just blowing up pictures and zooming in on tits. You pig. All right, Jacob, anything else about you? Your mom really stole the show. Here tonight.

[Jacob Marshall]

I guess I found out recently I have a boyfriend.

[Tom Feedback]

Dick.

[Jacob Marshall]

That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that mean?

[Jacob Marshall]

I. I didn't know what it meant. The girl that told me basically said, it's, like, not too big, not too small, like the Goldilocks of penis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's terrible.

[Sam Talon]

It was. I was like.

[Jacob Marshall]

It sounds like a really, like, nice way of saying I have a small penis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? You say this lady said something. It's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. Is this your boyfriend?

[Ari Matty]

Dude, guys like that always have the biggest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

They're not girthy, but they're long. Yeah, they look like a marsupial's tail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Jacob Marshall, you know what? The set was very, in my opinion, kind of just. Okay. I liked the premise, but you didn't really take it that much. Take it that far, or take any real chances with it. But I will say this. Since the interview you fed us your mother on a hot platter, I'm going to give you a big joke book. There he goes. Jacob Marshall, everybody. All right. One more bucket pull. You guys still having fun? All right. Okay. Make some noise for Tom. Feedback, everybody. Your final bucket poll of the night. Tom be back.

[Brian Redban]

What's up, guys?

[Tom Feedback]

It's good to be here. I. I grew up playing football, and football coaches never have anything nice to say. You know, like, my coach always be like, you suck. You're a pussy. Your mom's a whore. Yeah. And that would always hurt my feelings because my dad was the coach, and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we weren't even at a game.

[Tom Feedback]

I'm like, dad, I'm nine and it's Christmas, you know, so let me. My dad was tough on me growing up. I feel like dads aren't tough anymore. Dads now are complete pussies. It's true, you know? Cause I was at the store the other day, I saw this dad with this kid, and the kid was being bad, and the dad's just saying all the time, he's like, cars sell.

[Dallas Urban]

Carson.

[Tom Feedback]

Carson. Carson. One, two, one. I was like, dude, you fucking suck.

[Brian Redban]

Dude, you.

[Tom Feedback]

My dad would never have to say my name that many times. Growing, my dad would go like, hey, the fuck? And that was it. That's all I got. Dads have these. I'm not saying, like, hit your kids or anything, but they should be a little intimidated, you know? Cause, like, the scariest thing that my mom could tell me growing up is, I'm gonna tell your dad. Yeah, you tell a kid in 2024, you're gonna tell his daddy, be like, who?

[Ari Matty]

Bill.

[Announcer]

Bill.

[Tom Feedback]

How about this?

[Martin Phillips]

Bill.

[Tom Feedback]

How about that? All right, Guess. Thank you,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tom. Be back. Welcome to the show, Tom.

[Tom Feedback]

How you doing, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good minute.

[Tom Feedback]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time on, right?

[Tom Feedback]

First time on here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Tom Feedback]

Like three and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Tom Feedback]

Chicago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you visit here often?

[Tom Feedback]

I just moved here like three weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations. Thank you. Just out of curiosity, what made you move to Austin, Texas? Texas?

[Tom Feedback]

For comedy, man. I was doing comedy in Chicago and, you know, I was doing a lot there, so I was like, I want to expand a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could have gone anywhere. You could have gone to New York, you could have gone to LA. And you picked Austin.

[Tom Feedback]

Yes. Yeah. 100, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Smart move. Just want to make sure people listening from New York and LA hear that. Anyway, that was really good, man. Oh, thank you.

[Tom Feedback]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you make a living, Tom?

[Tom Feedback]

Right now I'm doing Uber Eats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uber Eats? Yeah, it's a terrible job. Job. Okay.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, that's the great job. No, you don't have any creeps in your car. Uber Eats is easy, bro.

[Sam Talon]

No, you're thinking of Uber. Alice,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you could have had a different job. You know that if you lived in Estonia, you would be euthanizing people

[Dallas Urban]

now.

[Ari Matty]

He looks European. He looks good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

He's got dominant features, blue eyes. I like it.

[Tom Feedback]

German. Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that. Was that an Estonian gang sign? You just threw up right there.

[Cam Patterson]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[Sam Talon]

This is the biggest thing to ever happen to Estonia, dude, you on this show.

[Ari Matty]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Ever since the wall fell or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was Latka Gravis. Did he say. Did he claim Estonia? I can't remember. Latke Gravis, Andy Kaufman's alter ego character, at one point.

[Ari Matty]

He did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think it was Estonia.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

He picked like, some. And then, then our famous claim to fame in Chino man, where Pauly Shore made the show that the caveman is from Estonia, dude. National news in Estonia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ari Matty]

1996. Four years into our country, Hollywood are coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brendan Fraser.

[Ari Matty]

Brendan Fraser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oscar winning Brendan Fraser. That is your boy. Okay. Uber Eats. So what's the craziest thing that's happened in your Uber Eats career?

[Tom Feedback]

Craziest thing that's ever happened. One time I went to take a delivery and the guy told me to come in the house and yeah, he was completely naked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Tom Feedback]

Sores all over his body. He just had pill bottles everywhere and piss jugs everywhere.

[Ari Matty]

You bastard.

[Sam Talon]

He didn't have to Come in the house. But, you know, he came on the porch instead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why did he invite you in? Did he want you to put the bag somewhere?

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah, he wanted me to put the bag on his bed. He. Well, he was like £700, so he couldn't get up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Jesus.

[Sam Talon]

That was when I was Brendan Frazier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Ari Matty]

So you went in there and was it. So you dropped the bag and was he, like insinuating something happening or what was.

[Tom Feedback]

Well, he was completely naked.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, but what was the vibe?

[Tom Feedback]

He had a towel over his dick.

[Ari Matty]

That was the vibe.

[Tom Feedback]

The vibe. It was a good vibe. I liked it. I'm into it.

[Sam Talon]

He tried to tip, but he couldn't see it through his belly fat.

[Ari Matty]

Did you see his dick or was it. No. Yeah, I watched 600 Pound Life. There's nothing there, dude.

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah, it's like inverted in his body, dude.

[Ari Matty]

Sure, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. Tom, what do you do for fun?

[Tom Feedback]

For fun other than stand up? Hang out with my girlfriend. Hang out with the dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. You have a girlfriend? Yeah.

[Phoenix Provocateur]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you meet her?

[Tom Feedback]

At high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does she do?

[Tom Feedback]

She's a nurse. She actually just got a job down here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she's a nurse in Austin, Texas?

[Tom Feedback]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have her. Do you ever have her dress up as a nurse and you guys role play? She orders Uber eats and calls you into the house. She only has a towel. There's piss jugs everywhere.

[Sam Talon]

She has her good dance goes on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we don't really.

[Tom Feedback]

She's not really that adventurous, you know, But I do like the scrubs. The scrubs are pretty hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about the non adventurous sex.

[Ari Matty]

That was a bad comment, dude, to millions of people about your girlfriend, though,

[Tom Feedback]

you know, I'm just being honest, you know, I don't know.

[Ari Matty]

Just being honest, dude. Oh, my God, you're so. Dude, if I was a girlfriend and my boyfriend is on the biggest podcast in the world. Not that adventurous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's perfect. So let's talk more about it. You guys have the same type of sex regularly or is sex regular? Do you have.

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah, sex is regular.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it. But it's also. But it's also, it seems very plain, you. Missionary position.

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah, missionary doggy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's pretty much like missionary doggy. That's it. Nothing else? Does she ever get on top?

[Tom Feedback]

Yeah, she gets on top sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She gets on top sometimes.

[Sam Talon]

She's so tired from work, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. From providing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From carrying the relationship, relationships, finances on her back.

[Ari Matty]

My boyfriend's an open mic. I'm doing 16 hour shifts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My girlfriend's not adventurous enough.

[Brian Redban]

Dude, I'm tired.

[Ari Matty]

You,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari, Maddie. Opening up the plate playbook here in the late innings. I love it.

[Sam Talon]

Getting involved in the fourth quarter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. I love it. Ari. Maddie. One of the most fun people to drink with and hang out with at this club. I'm very excited about this first panel appearance for you, Ari. Oh, back to Tom Feeback. That's your real name? Feeback? B, A, C, K. Yep.

[Sam Talon]

Why would he choose that as his stage name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, it's very bizarre. Okay. And you've been with the same girl since high school?

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you now? 26. 26 years old. So is that the only girl you've ever had sex with?

[Ari Matty]

You've never been blown?

[Tom Feedback]

I've been blown before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh? Blown. Blown like say blown. Blown like blow job, right? Yes.

[Sam Talon]

Never heard yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just never heard anybody say it like that. Have you been blowing? That Estonian accent's a little tricky when you're facing that way. I can't read your lips.

[Ari Matty]

I think I need a Bose speaker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, so it's the only girl you've ever been with sexually?

[Tom Feedback]

I've been with a couple girls.

[Sam Talon]

Does she know that?

[William Montgomery]

Who?

[Ari Matty]

You cheat too, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Not cheater. Not cheating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that'd be crazy if he admitted that on the show. I've been with a couple girls this week.

[Ari Matty]

I want an adventure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Okay, Tom, anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go?

[Ari Matty]

Except the boring ass sex?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know.

[Tom Feedback]

I think the boring sex is, you know, everyone wants to get, like, choked and slapped and.

[Jacob Marshall]

I don't know.

[Tom Feedback]

It just seems weird to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, you know what?

[Sam Talon]

You should go to Estonia, bro.

[Ari Matty]

Dude, we'll choke you. We'll you and suck you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

There's a gimp on the flag.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Tom Feedback]

I don't even know where Estonia is.

[Sam Talon]

The flag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, hey. Be nice. Be nice.

[Sam Talon]

The flag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know where Estonia is?

[Sam Talon]

Blue and then white and then black. Blue.

[Ari Matty]

Black and white. I had to think about that.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Sam Talon]

It looks like the black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds like my band. All right.

[Sam Talon]

It's the same colors as the Blue Lives Matter hat.

[Ari Matty]

It is? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Which may very confusing for us because you guys don't have black people.

[Ari Matty]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Tom Feedback. Congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket. A very, very, very good set. You're leaving with a big handmade leather joke book. Tom Feedback, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about your girlfriend and that. Words of the great Montel Jordan. That is how we do it. And there's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen. It is with the hall of Famer, the record holder for all time appearances, all time interviews, all time everything. He is the Great Red Goat, the Memphis Strangler, the tijuana tarantula, the St. Louis Laredo, lazy Boy, the Vanilla Gorilla, the. What's the main one? Oh, yeah, the Big Red Machine. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a. Indeed, William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

After watching the first presidential debate, I just want to say, don't blame me. I voted for Morgan. And Morgan, the debate was so crazy that at one point they argued about golf, which is kind of insane because one of the only times Biden told the truth was when he said he was a six handicap and he is stage six dementia. In a poll taken after the debate, 72% said Biden is suffering from some sort of cognitive impairment. And the other 28% said. Man, I thought that old ass man was dead. A man recently threw a Big Gulp on Chicago's District Attorney Kim Fox. Wait, Redband. Isn't that your mom's porn name? Fucking slut. Hawk. Hawk to more like Cardinal Sin. Okay, that's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59 seconds on the date not from the Golden Goose. I almost had it, Tony.

[William Montgomery]

I almost had it. My goal was 60 tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did 59 seconds. You were one second away. The big red riot himself. A beautiful, beautiful man looking more wizardly every day.

[William Montgomery]

Well, it. It could be Tony. The air conditioner went out at the apartment this morning, so it's currently 85 at the apartment. So I had been laying around the apartment all day. I got Dairy Queen twice on Uber Eats. I ate two different blizzards today. One, it was really great. One had a bunch of toffee in it, and the other one was. Was animal cookies. It was an animal cookie one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that sounds amazing.

[William Montgomery]

It was really good. Yeah, it was pink. It was really good. But that was helping keep the temperature down.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red. Red bands. AC is working fine. And he also had two blizzards today on Irrational. I love how you. You get so sensitive when William's on stage. You're so sick of it. You're so sick of your mom getting called a slut every week.

[William Montgomery]

Well, it's probably because she's legitimately sick right now, is why he's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, how do you know that? We talk.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, that's not a joke. I mean, we talk. Yeah, she's not doing good right now.

[Sam Talon]

Do you want to plug your mom's Instagram page?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Wait, I was never Going to say this, but there was one time we were in Mitzi's after this and we all are looking at our Instagrams saying, oh, what pops up when you put on your homepage? And literally Red Band gets his phone out and it's a bunch of women breastfeeding. Oh, my gosh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was the funniest thing.

[William Montgomery]

It was bad babies getting breastfed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The only one. True. No, you actually are. And what's funny is that you think other people get recommended this a lot, but you don't know that Instagram's algorithm directly shows you things that you watch all the time. Yes. I mean, it is incredible. Half of the things. There's also George Floyd. What's the George Floyd one there? How does he mix? How does he fit into all the breastfeeding videos?

[Sam Talon]

Is it George Floyd breastfeeding? I know in Estonia the breast milk is powdered. Okay.

[Ari Matty]

I mean, you're Soviet Union. Yes. Sam, you fat?

[William Montgomery]

You're doing good, Sa. It looks like you're losing a little bit of weight. Are you losing some weight?

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, I'm down £45 this year.

[William Montgomery]

Congratulations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible.

[Sam Talon]

Sober, like you, bro. I quit boozing.

[William Montgomery]

And also Ozempic. Didn't you get on Ozempic a couple weeks ago?

[Sam Talon]

Oh, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How have you been doing it? How have you been losing the weight?

[Sam Talon]

I just quit drinking. 12 Miller Lights a night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. You have been non alcoholic tonight and you are normally a heavy drinker.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, yeah, I love them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what made you quit drinking?

[Sam Talon]

Turns out I'm morbidly obese. Oh, morbidly, William.

[William Montgomery]

No, you're not.

[Sam Talon]

That's one of the worst adjectives I know.

[William Montgomery]

Well, you're working on

[Sam Talon]

is historically.

[Bobby Brown Jr.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you still drink? Have you switched to hard liquor or anything? Or you just sober now?

[Sam Talon]

I had some natural wine on my birthday, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. And also Tim Dillon made me drink in Copenhagen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Sam Talon]

We went to a very fancy restaurant. They had a wine pairing and he went, he'll have that. Why wouldn't he have that? That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's a good Tim Dillon you got.

[Sam Talon]

It's good. Why would it be bad?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like that. Yeah, I like that. Now, you two used to work together in Denver, Colorado. William lived there for a while. You're one of the kings of the Denver comedy scene, Sam. Talent.

[Cam Patterson]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we had a great time.

[William Montgomery]

We used to have the best of time.

[Sam Talon]

Can I ask you something?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Did you read the new Cormac McCarthy books?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I read the first one. I Did not read the second one.

[Sam Talon]

They sucked. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

It was kind of sad. It's his last book. It was kind of sad. It wasn't great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I didn't know this was the time for a literary conversation. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That wasn't great.

[William Montgomery]

It was sad.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. We had a lot of great times together and we were still boozing relentlessly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We were.

[William Montgomery]

I remember being at your house. You lived in that house, in that compound looking thing and just getting Wake up now. Drunk.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Down in Waco, Tex. Yeah, same. Lived in Texas for a little bit in like, 2016.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

And it got really weird. He literally. He did have these people that were following him. At that point in time. I was just. Sam and I were good buddies, and he invited me there. And it was so weird watching Sam, he would sharpen his knives, and it was so weird watching him storm in this bedroom one night, just filleting this guy's face while he's still alive.

[Sam Talon]

Well, he didn't want to admit that I was the one. True.

[William Montgomery]

I know, I know, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Duh. William, you joked a lot about the debate. Did you watch it?

[William Montgomery]

I did watch it. And, Tony, I think it is scary for all of us. I try not to ever really get political on this show, but I swear to God, the real losers on all of this are the American people. How do we have two fucking old men up there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is going on?

[William Montgomery]

I want to run for president and fly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. After watching the debate, Tony, I'm gonna run.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What are some of your platforms? Tell us what? Some of the things that you're gonna do to make God get fucking Hispanic people out of Applebee's donut. Wow. The Hispanic people there don't look excited about this at all. Well, they'll learn to love it. You're just going to kick them out of Applebee's? Specifically only Applebee's.

[William Montgomery]

Are you cool with that, dude?

[Brian Redban]

Huh?

[Sam Talon]

Who's going to cook the food? William?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else? Tell us more about your platform. William, I know that you're improvising all of this in the moment, but I'm interested to find out what else you would do as president. Because I'm telling you, William, you have a real chance at one winning this thing.

[William Montgomery]

I think so, too. I mean, we need to. We have to, I think, maybe open up the borders a little more. Because I swear, when I see these Hispanic people getting kicked out of Applebee's, we need to keep the train going. Because, Tony, the Hispanic people will stop going to Applebee's. Once they find out they're going to get kicked out. But if we open up the border, we're going to have a never ending supply of fucking and Hispanic people to kick out of the Applebee's at.

[Sam Talon]

Tony.

[William Montgomery]

That's not l. That's not all Tony. We need a Dairy Queen on every corner. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. And how are we gonna pay for these Dairy Queens? William? God.

[Cam Patterson]

From the.

[William Montgomery]

Are you a trade deficit going? Antonio we have to deal with the trade deficit first and foremost. How would we gotta get our team going in the right direction? I mean we got to get really strict with countries like China. I mean we got to tell them we're not going to buy their chips anymore. We're not going to buy their little plastic things. We're going to set up an embargo on China.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seriously, what kind of Chinese chips are you buying? All right, I'm sorry. I can't help myself. I can't help myself.

[William Montgomery]

But yeah, all kinds of stuff. But I'm just really excited about the opportunity. I mean, we'll see.

[Ari Matty]

China is a problem. That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about that. You go ahead. I can't say it anymore. You say it.

[Ari Matty]

I read some blogs. It is a huge problem. And the fact that your presidential candidates are two old men with the alternate sounding like Martin Phillips is a big problem.

[William Montgomery]

It's a giant problem. I mean, how are we ever going to be to the tip of the iceberg again in the world? Political socioeconomic, comics data, Tony. How are we going to get there? It's not going to be with two fucking old guys running for president. It's going to be off of the back of maybe some balding redheaded person that is going to go after. I'm going to. I'm going to fucking go after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I absolutely agree. I truly think the best man for the job is a balding red headed person.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you, Tony. And I'm just so hot. And it's so hot at the apartment. I'm just dreading. I'm not even kidding. I'm dreading going back to the apartment to tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band.

[William Montgomery]

Can I stay at your place? I know I go after you about your mom and. But please, you have two places. Can I not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure. Oh, thank you. Oh, wow. Look at that.

[William Montgomery]

Thanks so much. You're welcome.

[Sam Talon]

Thank you.

[Dallas Urban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible.

[Brian Redban]

Oh yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I'm sweaty. Do you see all this, Tony? It's really not good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It. It is incredible ice cream.

[William Montgomery]

That's literally all I ate today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've Been eating ice cream all day. You're sweating profusely. You're wiping off your hand all over your shirt.

[Sam Talon]

You're getting very close to me. I want to give you a raspberry.

[William Montgomery]

Do you really want to?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't think of a better way to. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sam. Hey. Yeah. There you go.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. A true raspberry on one of the greatest red berries I've ever. Transgenders.

[Sam Talon]

You're really sweating that toffee, buddy.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, no, it's not good. I mean, it's getting worse by the minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You taste the blizzard animal cookies.

[Sam Talon]

Tastes like Patrice o' Neill's piss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love, love this run for president. Are you gonna go all the way through with it? Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. I mean, Tony, I think I probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William Montgomery has done it again. And that is another episode of kill Tony. Samtalent.com with two Ls. The man is on tour. I swear to God. One of the most fun, hilarious stand up comedians. If you love him on this show, wait till you see what he does all the by himself with a microphone as a standup. A true, true monster out there. Samtalent.com Anything else, Sam?

[Sam Talon]

Pittsburgh and Detroit this month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, subscribe to my YouTube. I have a cool travel show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, subscribe to this YouTube as well. That'd be great. I always forget to say that my producer Yoni always yells at me for not saying subscribe to this button right now also. There you go. Sure. Ari. Maddie, plug something.

[Ari Matty]

Ari. Matty, comedy. Ari. M A T I Comedy on Instagram. Everything there. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

R m a t. T I Comedy on Instagram. Everything's there. We he needs the followers we have to get him.

[Ari Matty]

And I need to make it quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of you want to see Ari as an American citizen? There you go. The drawing from Ryan Je belt is in of Sam Talon. Absolutely incredible shout outs to the horn players in deep madness who couldn't be with us here tonight. A lot of fun stuff coming up on this show. Incredible, incredible stuff. Thanks to all of our regulars and golden ticket winners and bucket pools tonight. And to you guys, the live audience that comes every week fills it to the gills. The hardest ticket in town. Anything else? Check out the Sunset strip Comedy Club. Sunsetstripatx.com Love you guys. A lot of fun announcements coming around the corner from me. I'm going to finish my touring schedule strong. So that's going to be announced very, very soon here it's going to be an easy rest of the year. Madison Square Garden and a very couple other special things coming around the corner. Thank you to our live operation audience. Go have fun. Austin, Texas. We love you. Good night everybody. Thank you.

[Announcer]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to [e-mail] for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sa.