Tony Hinchcliffe (105:22)
Hey, guys, it's Ari Shapir, habitual line stepper, and Kill Tony regular, really, from the beginning, honestly. I mean, I was there in the Belly room days. The Main Room, Houston, the Vulcan, the Comedy Mothership, the LA Forum, Madison Square Garden. And now, here at the greatest comedy festival in the world, Skank Fest, hosting the greatest live podcast in history, Kill Tony. And I honored it. I honored this meeting of great minds in the way that only I can do. I stepped over a line. Regrettably, YouTube will not be able to show what I did, but, man, let it be said, it was wild. It was the greatest moment in Skankfest history. Definitely the most talked about of the year by far. I had acidic Jewish friends that found out about it on their own. Not through me or anybody else. On their own. It was nuts, you guys. It was. Is nuts. But YouTube can't show it. Honestly, Streamers wouldn't be able to show it. TV wouldn't be able to show. The Dark Web would have a problem with it. But honestly, that should be a lesson to you. You should come to live shows. Live shows are where the craziest things happen. And I've been there for some nuts playing that. You guys haven't seen stuff that got cut out. I was there when. When David Lucas got sick of Tony's comebacks and he just got mad. I don't know, but he's tried to attack. We tried to tackle him, Tony being a wrestler. Wrestler. But background reversal, pulled a single leg, used David's severe body weight against him, pulled him to the ground, pulled his pants down, and gave him what David later called the greatest butt of his life. I was there. What other moments? Oh, I was there when we met Cam Patterson's real parents, a white couple that adopted him and raised him from a young boy in a small town outside Boise, Idaho. Yeah, Cam doesn't talk that way. That's an affectation he puts on. He's also into shells, not rocks, but it's good for the show, so we had to cut it out. I was not there for the Diddy episode that I heard about from lots of people and rumors and innuendo. No one will tell me exactly what happened. They just go, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Even Tony goes, I don't want to talk about it. Release the episode, Tony. I want to see that Diddy thing. All the only thing I heard from people was they go with during that Diddy episode was they go, david Lucas was hungry for it. What does that mean? David Lucas was hungry for it. Damn. I don't know. Anyway, I wanted to even tell you was what I did, but Red Band said he. I can't. He said, even if I tell you what happened, YouTube might demonetize their account. Red was visually shaken by this. That's how great a moment it was. And what. Let's give it up for Tony for being able to put on a thing like. Like that, man. I stepped over a line. He set up a line that I can step over. God, he rules. Actually, I'm switching allegiances now from the Yankees to the greatest franchise kill Tony. God. I want to tell you, it was an announcement. It was an announcement that my new tour just went on sale right now. God. The Farewell Tour. I'm doing a short tour and then I'm leaving the country. Yeah. Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Alberta, Florida, Pittsburgh, Denver. And I'm ending in Anchorage, Alaska. They got Lake Tahoe in there. A few other places. Go to Ari Shafir.com right now for tickets, reasonably priced. I say 50 tickets at 20 bucks each for every theater I do for the poor people. It's a wild, fun show. But after that, I'm calling it the farewell tour because I'm leaving. I'm leaving to reflect on the style of comedy I've gotten into now. Of course, my jokes are good. My last special was one of the most widely regarded specials of all time. 7 million views on YouTube too. Go check it out right now. But I do a thing on podcasts where I just like to go for it. And after this one, I don't think there's anywhere left to go. I did the math. Me and Tony and Red Band talked about it later. Jeff Ross wouldn't talk to me after this. He said, I gotta be not around you for a while. Norton left immediately went to masturbate. I think the next place I can go is human sacrifice, and I don't think. I don't think I can do that. Also, human sacrifice is too much blood. And for YouTube, if they can't show blood here. How are they going to show? But maybe I'm saying too much. So I'm going to go walk the earth, everyone. I'm going to do this farewell tour. Tickets available@rsufair.com right now. Portland. Is it Portland? And then. And then I'm gonna go reflect on. On. On what I am. I think I'm done. I think I'm just going back to regular jokes. The next time you see me on Kill Tony, my dick won't come out. That's. That's hard and fast. Not. We won't cut it out. It just won't be on there when I'm on Rogan. I'm not gonna piss in Bud Light bottles anymore. I'm not gonna piss in any bottle. I'm just going back to Jo jokes on podcasts. Stand up was always just jokes, but podcasts, I like to go for it. So, guys, let's get back to the episode. I'm going to hand it back to Ohio's probably greatest twink in history, Tony Hinchclove. Tony, please guide these guys into the end of the episode. And I'd like to apologize to Red Band most of all for having to clean up my mess. Literally, for having to clean up my mess. Guys, it was such a fun moment. People were. It was wild. It was wild. Tony, take it. Take it away, man. It was so fun. Redhead was like, emotionally hurt. Red man later was like, I don't know what to do. Derosa said like, I. He needs help. I'm Ari Shafir and I've been triggering the untriggerables since 2001. Enjoy the rest of the episode. I'll see you next time. I'm on Kill Tony.
