#690 - ARI SHAFFIR + JIM NORTON

Summary

KILL TONY Episode #690 - Ari Shafir & Jim Norton Recorded Live from Austin, Texas | Release Date: November 5, 2024

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Introduction: A Dynamic Arena Setting

The episode kicks off with hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban welcoming the live audience to Skank Fest in Las Vegas, Nevada. This marks their first arena act in years, promising a more relaxed and interactive atmosphere compared to their high-production shows in places like Austin's Mothership. The hosts set a casual tone, hinting at a "loosey goosey" and fun-filled episode ahead.

Special Guests: Ari Shafir and Jim Norton Take the Stage

At [03:00], Tony and Brian introduce their special guests for the night—comedians Ari Shafir and Jim Norton—highlighting their prior performances at Madison Square Garden and the challenges Ari posed by costing the show $100,000. Jim Norton brings his signature blend of humor, managing to make the audience both laugh and feel emotionally moved.

Notable Quote:

• Brian Redban [03:55]: "Word on this street is that MSG is interested in working with us again, literally under the only request is no Ari Shafir."

Interactive Segments: Engaging the Live Audience

The hosts incorporate interactive segments, involving audience members in "brand new minute" sets. Casey Rocket, a Las Vegas-themed comedian, delivers a memorable performance at [05:55], filled with humor about gambling, cultural observations, and personal anecdotes.

Notable Quote:

• Casey Rocket [06:25]: "I OD'd on whippets and Spencer's Gifts last night. And they tried to revive me using smelling salts, but they accidentally gave me poppers."

Bucket Pulls: Showcasing Emerging Talent

Throughout the episode, Tony and Brian engage with aspiring comedians through the "bucket pull" segment, giving them 60 seconds to perform. Hector Garcia [13:02], Armando Hernandez [86:10], and Connor Loughran [42:05] are among the contestants who showcase their unique comedic styles, ranging from edgy jokes to personal stories about overcoming challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• Hector Garcia [13:02]: "Got a good shot at that red and yellow motherfucker by the rails."
• Armando Hernandez [86:10]: "I have this thing in that car I call Civic Superpowers. I don't give a fuck what happens in that car."
• Connor Loughran [42:05]: "You ever get post nut clarity? Pre-nut reality came rushing in real quick."

Humorous Banter and Host Dynamics

The chemistry between Tony and Brian is palpable, marked by their irreverent humor and playful teasing. Their interactions often lead to spontaneous comedic moments, such as discussing unconventional relationships and personal quirks.

Notable Quote:

• Tony Hinchcliffe [24:32]: "What do you really do? I took a severance. They gave me a severance. I'm like, hell, yeah. I'll see y'all later."

Guest Performances: Ari Shafir and Jim Norton Shine

Ari Shafir and Jim Norton both deliver standout performances, blending personal stories with sharp wit. Ari's set delves into his experiences with moving back to Texas for family reasons and navigating the stand-up scene, while Jim Norton's performance balances emotional depth with comedic brilliance.

Notable Quote:

• Jim Norton [30:52]: "This is like the worst episode of Parent Trap."

Behind-the-Scenes Moments and Surprises

The episode features unexpected appearances and moments of spontaneity. Jeffrey Ross makes a surprise appearance [97:29], sharing stories from past shows and adding to the night's lively atmosphere. Additionally, the house drummer Michael Gonzalez participates in a drum solo competition, showcasing his musical talents and adding a unique flair to the event.

Notable Quote:

• Jeffrey Ross [97:29]: "It's nuts, you guys. It was. Let it be said, it was wild."

Conclusion: Reflecting on a Wild Night

As the episode draws to a close, Tony and Brian reflect on the chaotic yet entertaining night. They highlight the memorable performances, the strong bond among the hosts and guests, and the vibrant energy of the live audience at Skank Fest.

Notable Quote:

• Brian Redban [112:16]: "This was Kilto Tony at Skank Fest. Thank you. We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much."

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Key Takeaways and Highlights

• Venue and Atmosphere: Transitioning to an arena setting provided a fresh and more interactive experience for both hosts and live audience.
• Guest Dynamics: Ari Shafir and Jim Norton brought considerable star power, each delivering compelling and humorous performances that resonated with the audience.
• Audience Engagement: Interactive segments like the "bucket pull" allowed emerging comedians to shine, fostering a sense of community and support within the comedy scene.
• Host Chemistry: Tony and Brian's playful and edgy banter enhanced the overall entertainment value, keeping the energy high throughout the episode.
• Unexpected Surprises: Special appearances and spontaneous moments kept the audience engaged and contributed to the night's unforgettable atmosphere.

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• Casey Rocket [05:55]: "I OD'd on whippets and Spencer's Gifts last night."
• Brian Redban [03:55]: "Word on this street is that MSG is interested in working with us again, literally under the only request is no Ari Shafir."
• Jeffrey Ross [97:29]: "It was wild, you guys."
• Jim Norton [30:52]: "This is like the worst episode of Parent Trap."

Final Thoughts

Episode #690 of KILL TONY stands out as a vibrant and chaotic celebration of live comedy, featuring top-tier guests, enthusiastic audience participation, and the unmistakable chemistry between Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban. Whether you're a long-time listener or a newcomer, this episode offers a comprehensive snapshot of the whirlwind that is Skank Fest, delivering laughter, surprises, and unforgettable moments from one of the most dynamic comedy podcasts.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here in Las Vegas, Nevada, for a brand new episode of Kill Bronies. Get a Freddy. Who's ready for the best Skank Fest.

[Brian Redban]

Night of their lives. Oh, make some noise for Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Guys, we're back at skankf. For the first time in years, we're in an arena act and now you get to see us in a real room. How's that? Fuck yeah. You get to watch a podcast that makes money. Make some noise for Skank Best. Luis J. Gomez. Rebecca, Christine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're here.

[Brian Redban]

It's been years. These shows here, specifically at Gang Fest, are famously vulgar, a lot dirtier, a lot sloppier. There's a lot more feedback all the time. There's a lot of weird noises that happen that we're not normally used to with our high level of productions, both in arenas at the Mothership in Austin. So it's gonna be loosey goosey, fun, fun. I'm gonna be pouring into this crown royal a little bit earlier than usual. Very loose, fun episode. Is that co you guys? Are you guys happy to be here? If there's anybody that expected a different show or anything or wants to go do something else, feel free to leave. We'll bring other people in and is that cool? Everybody happy? Well, in that case, this is a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band secret show every Thursday. Go to [e-mail] for tickets.

[Brian Redban]

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Here to watch us watch comedians 2. I can't believe I was able to get them. Two of the greatest comedians in the world. Two of our favorite comedians in the world. Two of two of the best comedians at Skank Fest. Two of the best guests in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise for Jim Norton and Ari Shafir. Oh, my goodness. Jim Norton and Ari Shaffir. First time hanging out since Madison Square Garden with you guys. Jim with fucking two absolutely incredible sets, back to back nights and fucking to see. The love that New York gave you was incredible. Ari Shafir ended up costing us $100,000.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And typical Jew.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And a lot of trouble.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We tried, man. We tried to play by the rules.

[Brian Redban]

Word on this street is that MSG is interested in working with us again, literally under the only request is no Ari Shafir. It is unbelievable that the world's greatest, most famous venue in the world is like, look, we love you guys. Let's run it back One thing, no Ari Shafir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can bring Diddy, but not Ari Shafir. Diddy's doing a whole fucking residency.

[Brian Redban]

We're going to have fun tonight. You guys know how it works. We have a bucket, a little bit of a lighter load than usual, but that's cool. We're going to deal with it. It was a special super secret pop up show here at Skank Fest. Nobody knew about it except for a very, very small amount of extremely. Like seven people knew about it. And so we wrangled comedians real late with like 30 minutes left before the showtime. But if I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted, you know, their time is up near the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry Fremont street bear. You guys ready to start tonight's show? I'm gonna pre pull a name. They're gonna wrangle the human being. Somebody from over here is gonna get them. This looks good. Good enough to start. And while we do that, let's have a regular do a brand new minute, huh? Does that sound cool? You guys know the ladies and gentlemen here to do a brand new minute. Make some noise for the undeniable superstar. This is the great and powerful Casey Rocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Luck be a lady tonight. Snake eyes. God, I'm just trying to get my back blown out. This motherfucker put me in a little basket, push me down the river like baby Moses trying to get baptized. All right, cool, man. Love this city. City like this night like tonight. It's good. Get away from the fat cats on Capitol Hill, you know what I mean? They got their little grubby fingies and everything. Movies, tv, especially movies, you know Moulin Rouge? No, Moulin Asian, you know what I mean? It's just crazy to think about. And I was watching all the Terminator movies last night, which was hard because I hate machines. And I thought I'd do a palate cleanser. So I watched all the Transformers movies and I was like, you gotta be funny.

[Brian Redban]

I can't get away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I OD'd on whippets and Spencer's Gifts last night. And they tried to revolve, they tried to revive me using smelling salts, but they accidentally gave me poppers. So my butthole was massive and crazy to think about around the holidays. All right, thank you. I'm Casey Rocket. Have a good night.

[Brian Redban]

Casey Rocket of very, very lovely Vegas themed set. You have a set of dice and some brand new undeniable Las Vegas shorts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's kind of sexy to think about.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Very cute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kind of just shaking that thing. Yeah. Hats off to the Casey bulge. Not bad. Thanks. Yeah, it's real flat front though. I didn't think about that. I adjusted it so it would be that. So that's funny, but I adjusted it like that.

[Brian Redban]

The rocket doesn't fall far from the tree in this thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's actually funny you bring that up because I actually adjusted it to look like that so it could have. Totally normal. Wouldn't worry about that. You look good.

[Brian Redban]

How you been enjoying Las Vegas, Casey?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's fine. Whoa. Are you only here for this? I'm here for Skankfest. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Uh huh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Having fun? It's fun. I lost a bunch of money on roulette, so it's been tough. Who's that black hooker?

[Brian Redban]

No roulette table.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But they gave me something kind of cool.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh, consolation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you lose a couple hundred, they give you some kind of cool. So this is from Hera's casino. There's a picture of the Grinch with a gun, so it's kind of cool to think about. And it's signed by Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

It's kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know.

[Brian Redban]

Casey famously gives out pictures sometimes during his sets. One of the many trademarks of the great Casey rocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Happy to be here. Where do you get a pair of shorts like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These old things? Yeah. You're dressed like half the hookers I've met in this town.

[Brian Redban]

That's usually what they change into at 6am after they don't shower and they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don'T tuck as well.

[Brian Redban]

You can see the thong through it, by the way. Yeah. The underwear that you're wearing underneath are blatantly more comedic than the shorts that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You put on over them.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, we're not going to make you do it because you're so smart and such a great artist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you want me to pop them off?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, this is Skank Vest. What do you guys think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See what you're working with, buddy? Oh sh.

[Brian Redban]

Oh shit. Oh shit. A master of reveals. Oh yeah. Even the band is getting into this. Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They know.

[Brian Redban]

How about a hand for Elementop, the band tonight? Ladies and gentlemen, Joel Rutkowski, Nick Liberatori and Dave Lacey. Oh my goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a bolt. That's a bolt. Actually, that's more realistic. This is what I wanted to avoid. Damn. That's a hog, bro. That's nice. That's nice. This is so embarrassed. I've never been so embarrassed.

[Brian Redban]

It Looks like you have 13 erections right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how my underwear looks in the back. Smuggling in two of Diddy's victims in there. Oh, this is my nightmare. What a nightmare.

[Brian Redban]

Casey, you are such a goddamn superstar. Always the funniest. Hair all the way. I mean, there's just no break between your thighs and your pubes. I can tell. That is just. It is hair all the way around. For those of you that might be interested in what the body hair of one of your favorite comedians looks like, it is 360 degrees all around the thigh with, no, there's no lightening of it at all. Literally. Looks like. I mean, a full grown werewolf.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very hairy, Tony. Thanks for asking. A lot of hair down there and.

[Brian Redban]

It'S growing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kind of good.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that came from within.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got goosebumps down there.

[Brian Redban]

Although it's all standing up, I can tell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, it'd be great if you left all the hair and only shaved your asshole. Do it, do it, do it, do it. I do it. I can't do it now. I would. I'd love something like that. It feels good to have you guys looking at me. Not typically something I do. So this is good for business.

[Brian Redban]

It's a special Skank Fest secret wild episode. Casey, thank you for getting it started. You are a legend. We love you. There he goes, the great Casey, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, goodness gracious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Escape us.

[Brian Redban]

This is Kill Tony at Skank Fest secret show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Heidi is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro right now, literally. And Valerie Vaughn is the full time ring card slash waitress for the elbow. One more time for Valerie, huh? I'd hate to be the blind guy in the audience for that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was better than I imagined. Constantly.

[Brian Redban]

So now it's bucket time, everybody. We're gonna meet one of these young skankfest comedians. Maybe it's someone in the audience. Maybe it's someone that's been hoping to get on this show for years. Anything can happen. We're gonna give them 60 seconds and talk to them all together. Make some noise for Hector Garcia, everybody. Here we go. Hector Garcia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What up? We got any fans of borderline racism in the house? Yeah, I'm Mexican. I'm on the fence about it. You know, I could go either way. I like racism in fun places like, you know, pool. You guys like pool is my favorite racist game in the world, guys. You go up to a pool table, what do you see? Just the white ball chilling all free. But the colored balls are all locked up right you gotta bail them out. What happens if you're color? You fall off the table, Back to jail, you go. Wait till you post bond, but when you're white, you slip through the cracks. You come back at the other end. White ball privilege, bro. They put you anywhere on that table you want, man. Line me up over here. Got a good shot at that red and yellow motherfucker by the rails. Half the balls are white, right? Like some kind of still want to see us on holes. People chalking up, throwing up white powder like LeBron James. They make the black ball go last, like some kind of final boss. You got a battle, like, show enough at the end of the movie or what happens? You accidentally make the black ball. Everybody out of the water. We can't swim in that shit no more. Drain it, fill it back up again. There's not even a Mexican ball. I think there's an undocumented Mexican ball. Lives inside the pool table, comes out at night, does all the hoagies and shit. Why else would it look so nice? He's hiding from the white and green ball. That's the Border patrol ball. The 14. Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Hector Garcia. Proof that we have no border right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He wrote this joke like, a year ago.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome, Hector. How long you been on stand up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About eight, eight, nine years.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. Where at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mostly in Phoenix, but I'm from Texas. Just moved back.

[Brian Redban]

You just moved back to Phoenix?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was living in Phoenix. I just moved back to Texas, like, last month.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what part of Texas?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

West Texas. Way in. The way in. The oil fields.

[Brian Redban]

El Paso.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, three hours east of there. Midland, Odessa area. Pecos, Texas. My hometown. Pecos. It's El Paso. Yeah, I liked. I like that you stuck with your theme. There's a moment there where it wasn't going, let's just say. Well, but you. But you kept going and the jokes were good, and you were just like, fuck this audience. And they finally came around and they laughed. So I respected that a lot. And it's something we all do. So next time we play pool, we'll remember that. Bomb.

[Brian Redban]

It is true. You stayed in the pocket. You were very comfortable. Those are the pocket. Wait, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because of what he was talking about. Pool pockets.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Brian Redban]

So, Hector, what do you do for a living?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just left my job. I used to make chips.

[Brian Redban]

What kind of chips?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not Tostitos. I made microchips. You know, we sold it to Tostitos. They put it in their machines, then they make the chips.

[Brian Redban]

You make microchips?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I used To.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what do you do now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just free right now. I'm not working. Left my job, like, two months ago because I ran out of paid time off.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're doing stand up.

[Brian Redban]

So if you had an unemployed Garcia on your kill. Tony. Bingo. Car. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I took a severance. They gave me a severance. I'm like, hell, yeah. I'll see y'all later. So you left it with no net just to kind of do stand up? No, they gave me. They gave me a good. A good chunk of money to leave to quit. Oh, yeah? How much did they want? The iridium?

[Brian Redban]

How much? I'm curious to know how much?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They gave me like $30,000. What, to quit? You must have been a shit employee. Get the hell out of here.

[Brian Redban]

Right, yeah. The way you were talking about this severance package, I was picturing maybe the light six figures, but 30,000 is what you're left with. How much do you have Left now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About 2000.

[Brian Redban]

When are you going to start looking for a job, Hector?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here? Pretty soon, man. Probably next month, I think. Next? I got my resume updated already.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What does it say on your resume other than making chips? Not Tostitos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I grew up doing tires and tow truck with my dad.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Man of the people. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever thought of getting into the coyote ing relatives across the border? It's tax free. That'd be a good way to fill seats at a show, right? I used to put you guys in the El Paso improv for a minute. Coyote comedy.

[Brian Redban]

So, Hector, you just moved back to the middle of Texas. Seems like a tough place to do standup comedy. What's your plan with the comedy? It is, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I started there. When I first started, there was like one mic a week I had to drive an hour to get to. And, like, that's why I moved to Phoenix, because there's so many mics over there. I was like, better opportunity. But now I've been. Got my feet under me. So moving back, hopefully I get to Austin. I got a lot of friends out there that I stay with when I go over there. So we do over there and hit shows and stuff like that. So.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You quit your job and then just move to a place that has no comedy? Things are looking up.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. What made you. What made you exactly go back there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Family. My family's getting old. My mom's getting old. Dad's getting old. I'm over here chasing this comedy thing, and they're, you know, I don't Want them to pass along? Why? Why? They're not leaving me. No severance.

[Brian Redban]

So what's your plan? Just to wait until they die and then move to a better city?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, just to be back there, man. Just to make that my home base. And, like, because I live in rv, so, like, I'm pretty mobile. Mobile homeless. You know, I could live anywhere.

[Brian Redban]

Move back. What's your love life like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Newly single guys, no kids, never married.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, you sound nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No kids. Mexican. No kids. 40 kids.

[Brian Redban]

You look like Wetback Mountain. All right, Hector.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he looks at his job. I'm not going to quit you unless.

[Brian Redban]

You give me a little severance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was actually dating a black girl, seeing if I could have a baby with her. You know, a wet, black.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa, look out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like the confidence of grabbing the mic stand after that. Well, that's pretty much it.

[Brian Redban]

There he goes. Hector Garcia, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next one. Thank you, Hector. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Even though I work at a comedy club, it is technically my office. While there are many different types of offices out there, one thing's for certain. Choosing the right candidate for any office is a huge responsibility. Well, if you're hiring and want to find the best candidate for your office, you need ZipRecruiter. And right now, you could try it for [e-mail] Kill Tony Red Ban Tony I love ZipRecruiter. It's the best website out there for hiring. ZipRecruiter is the hiring site employers prefer for most, if not all, based on G2. How fast does ZipRecruiter smart technology start showing your job to qualified candidates immediately. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technologies works fast to find top talent so you don't waste time or money. And remember, if you want to find the right candidates for your office, you need Zip Recruiter cy. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter for free. Ziprecruiter.comkiltony Again, that's ZipRecruiter.comkiltony ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire. Hey, it's Kaley Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Brian Redban]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Brian Redban]

So whether it's Cousin Kevin's Kazoo concert in Kansas City. Go, Kevin. Or Becky's bachelorette bash in Bermuda. You never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the Priceline app today. Your savings are waiting. Go to your happy place for a happy, happy price with Priceline's Black Friday sale. Save now and travel later with our best deals of the year. Go to your happy price, Priceline. We're gonna keep it moving along. Make some noise for Peter Angelo. Peter Angelo is next. Your next owner of the Orioles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going? A little about me. I'm gay. And that's a surprise to me. Cause I look like I trick gay men to beat them up later. All my dates just look like a hate crime hostage situation. I don't know where I fit in, because I'm a redneck. I like doing redneck shit. I like guns. I was a personal truck driver, but I don't really fit in with my redneck friends. I don't mesh them politically or ideology. But I don't fit in with my gay friends either. I just fit in my gay friends, but I don't know what. I don't. What's with me? Like, I'm pretty sure I was built in a lab by the gay agenda. Like, for the most part, they're making dudes who could host Queer Eye and look good on a parade float. Best I can do is drive the float. They'll be like, can I wave? They're like, nah. We tinted the windows, so I think there must have been a scientist in the bowels of a laboratory. Finally got his experiment right. He's like, guys, I finally did it. I made a gay who could infiltrate a neo Nazi rally. Then you cut to me at a cross burning like, guys, white power. But a mouth is a mouth. I'm Peter Angelo, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, Peter Angelo. I was having trouble keeping track. Everything. So are you gay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You are gay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What the fuck, man?

[Brian Redban]

Wait, you're gay and I'm not?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[Brian Redban]

This is fucking unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't believe you.

[Brian Redban]

And somehow you would know. You're like a good referee for this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is like the worst episode of Parent Trap.

[Brian Redban]

Unbelievable. How long have you been gay for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, Tony, that's not really.

[Brian Redban]

No, let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My whole life.

[Brian Redban]

Really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like Larry the Cable gay. Yeah, I was gonna get him done. I was gonna change my name to Larry Fox the Kid. Yeah, that works. Your top or bottom? Both. I would hate to be under that fucking amount of torque. Yeah. I don't know how my boyfriend does it? I like the fact that Ari's like, I'd be delighted to fuck you, but you on top. You gotta be a lighter guy. We're not having that. I'm not a queer. You're not a starter gay. You're like, I've been there for a while gay. Work up to me.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. Stone Cold Steve bottom. Absolutely incredible. You might be one of the toughest looking gay men I've ever seen in my life. This is incredible. You look like a bear that hunts bears.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah? Yeah. What kind of guys do you, like, attract? Do you attract guys that like little cubs or what are they? I attract a lot of bears, but I like twinks. I like. I like the small twinks. Absolutely excellent.

[Brian Redban]

Looks like we have a new golden ticket winner. Ladies and gentlemen, Love Connection. Yeah. Uncle Gazer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not bad.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love the material. It's personal. Interesting. I wish I had heard more about your opinions on the game of pool.

[Brian Redban]

Turns out you're the one that loves putting balls in holes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I sure do. Sure. Do you ever put your ball in an ass? No. I gotta try that, though. Yeah. All right, that's the next step. Residuals. Now. Did you. How did you come out to your parents? Were they shocked? Would you hold them down and say, this is what's happening. I got something to tell you. Taste it, dad. Taste it. Why didn't you hug me? Spill my finger? They were fine with it, but again, I think they were scared of me, so it worked out. Oh, that's right. He's either a school shooter or he's gonna blow his friends. Let him blow his friends.

[Brian Redban]

Either giving the shots or taking them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So that's what it sounds like when I come. No.

[Brian Redban]

What do you do for a living?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was a commercial truck driver for years. Yeah? Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

A gay truck driver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now it's comedy. And I am an axe throwing instructor.

[Brian Redban]

What? An axe throwing instructor?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I teach people to throw axes. Let me show you how to split something open.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yeah. Let's attack the wood. Spread those ax cheeks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I fuck you? Let me ax. Did you ever hold an ax to a guy's throat as you're fucking from behind? Oh, they love that. That's my favorite thing. It was a joke question. Look, I'm sorry. It's my life, so I was hitting a lot of. A lot of real issues here in my life.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, I was just going to ask you about rest area.

[Brian Redban]

That was actually my next. That was actually exactly where I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Going with it break it down for us.

[Brian Redban]

You know, truck drivers famously have lot lizards and whatnot. Is there gay. Is there like a lot jizzard or something? Is there a gay version of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, probably, but like, Grindr exists. I don't need to go pick up a prostitute or anything on the i5 though. How are you going to find one? It's always so easy. Have you opened Grindr?

[Brian Redban]

Try it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If I open Grindr Hero, my phone would explode. It's nuts.

[Brian Redban]

Like, yeah, I don't need to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I lied in a lot of guys because. Because, like, I'm, you know, straight passing the trucker. They think that's extra hot and they're like, oh, fuck me in your truck. And I'm like, no, I don't really want to do that.

[Brian Redban]

Well, where do you fuck them? In their ass?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, mine.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely incredible. I just can't picture you taking it in the ass. It seems like he's fucking with us for comedic effect. In fact, how many of you want to see a guy fuck him in the ass right now on this stage? Is there a gay man out there that's willing to fuck this? This is Skank fest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The next bucket bowl just has to take it. Let's call my boyfriend. Get him up here.

[Brian Redban]

Is your boyfriend here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's not at the festival right now, but he's with me in Vegas? Yeah, he's a 150 pound Chinese man. Oh, is it Hans?

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Where did you meet this guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Grinder?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I guess the Grinder is just the answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does he rub you wrong time every day.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you. You stopped driving a truck? Yeah. Why didn't you want to in the truck? That seems like it'd be kind of fun. Yeah, it's just full of dirt and sweat and. Well, clean it. You gotta smell it later.

[Brian Redban]

That's what an asshole's filled with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, look.

[Brian Redban]

Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good point.

[Brian Redban]

Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look, it takes enough work to douche my ass. I'm not gonna do a truck too.

[Brian Redban]

My goodness. And so, I mean, this is just incredible. You think you're ever gonna get gay married?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nah, nah, I don't think so. Just doesn't interest me.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that's not fun, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would I do that?

[Brian Redban]

Right? You're just having fun playing with your ding Dong. That's your boyfriend's name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So much fun. I mean, Peter Angelo. I gotta be honest with you. This is one of my favorite interviews in a fucking long time. This guy's great big gay bear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got books?

[Brian Redban]

We don't have any joke books with us tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He deserves one.

[Brian Redban]

But I'll tell you what, here's what I will do. If you win, you eventually make it to Austin, Texas. I will give you an automatic spot on whatever kill Tony you show up to at the mother show. You get a minute there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Peter Angelo, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah. All right, we're going to do something fun right now. Before we get back to the bucket, I'm going to bring another regular up here. God damn it. Jesus fuck. Christ almighty. Mommy wants me. What a fucking show this is. God damn it. One more time for Valerie Vaughn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I mean what a fucking. This is unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, what a great night. You get tits in your face, I get a cold brew. Cold brew. Sit next to an old Jew. It's not even a full one. It's pre opened and tired. Not even cold. It's warm still. Here, give that half a mo a beverage and let him shut up.

[Brian Redban]

Make some fucking noise for Jim North. He has been crying somehow was just able to make me cry and sweat at the exact same time. I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm now covered in liquid. It's not Peter Angelo's semen. Ladies and gentlemen, another special treat. This is a super secret, amazing pop up show. So it's amazing to me how many of our amazing built in star comedians that were able to join us tonight. This next man is one of the fastest rising stars in all of comedy. His only mission left in life is becoming a citizen of the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin, Ari Mati.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Please do, bitch. I had to move apartments. You ever do that, sir? Cool. I had to move apartments because the last apartment I got, it was on the 32nd second floor. It was one of those high rises with one of those balconies. And let me tell you, my mental health is not at a position where I can have an immediate solution.

[Brian Redban]

To.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All of my problems. Dude, I couldn't even chill because I would just get high and look at my balcony like, do it, pussy. I've never thought about killing myself, but I have romanticized it. I would love to kill myself over something minute. Like my girl gets back and she's like, you got the wrong coffee beans again. And I'm like, haha. Like I have a friend right now, he's trying to leave his girlfriend. And his girlfriend did the classic emo thing where she goes, you know, if.

[Brian Redban]

You'Re gonna leave me, I'm gonna kill myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I never understood how is that a threat. Like, I don't like you bitch, and now you kill yourself. Sounds perfect. Thank you very much.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely unbelievable yet again. Another brand new minute from the all powerful Estonian assassin, Ari Matty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, my angel. Tony.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, absolutely incredible. I'm going to be honest with you. I missed the first 25 seconds because I. It is. I don't know why, but I even wrote it down. You got tits in your face. I got a cold bl. I don't know why. That is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks, but it's killing me. And I wrote it down to get it like out of my system. I couldn't hear or think about anything else while wiping tears away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Jim Norton, for ruining my moment.

[Brian Redban]

You got tits in your face. Thank you, Jim. Turns out I got pause a cold brew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, thank you, Tori.

[Brian Redban]

Oh my God. Ari. Maddie. Brand new Vegas shirt clearly fresh out of the box.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, the lines are. Fucking steamer is already roasting me in the green room, dog. A golden shirt that's not ironed. What an oxymoron. I get it, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Fuck Estonia. Famous for their saunas. Not so much for their steamer zobbies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I tried to. Okay, fuck. Stop laughing. I tried. I tried to iron it, but it's made of plastic. It started melting. Dude, I almost burned down the Golden Nugget, so I can't fucking iron it, Tony. You know, unlike Estonia, we don't have rolling blackouts. So you can just steam it in the shower with hot water. It'll never run out. Wow. Okay. I've never thought about American tub jewelry.

[Brian Redban]

Jewish solutions. You can use the shower for free. The hot water in the shower creates steam. Therefore you don't need to rent or buy a steamer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The steam doesn't cost anything, he says. Oh my God, I love. I don't. I actually don't care for that at all.

[Brian Redban]

Ari, how are you enjoying Vegas? Tell us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. I highly recommend the Golden Nugget. What a piece of. It's the best, dude. It's the best. It's got that smoke in the walls. Makes me want to get a wife and hit her. You know what I'm saying? Trust me. So does staying at the Circa. Is this your first time in Vegas? Yeah, first time. Wow. I played my first gamble yesterday. I gamble. You ever do that? Yes. I don't wear condoms. I lost all of it.

[Brian Redban]

What did you play?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Black and jack.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a big. It was a lady with a big tits and I just kept giving her money. And then I think they bend the rules there and they try to fuck, but.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then I saw a fist fight in the pool today. Oh, in the pool? Yes. The Golden Nugget has a pool. Oh, sure. That wasn't Peter and his boyfriend. That wasn't a fight.

[Brian Redban]

Who won the fight in the pool?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the security did. But it is funny when two guys are starting to fight in the pool because, you know, they have to like. Yeah, like, talking and shit. Going at each other so slow.

[Brian Redban]

Just how close were you to this fight?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very close.

[Brian Redban]

Can you hear? You could hear what it was about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I heard fuck you. No, fuck you. Oh, well.

[Brian Redban]

Written by the people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's funny when that sort of stuff starts happening, how the men will, you know, clear the way, but women are always in the way of punches and kicks, too. No spatial awareness, just bitches with cocktails. Yeah, it's old Vegas too, when you can't pay attention to your surroundings. Bitch.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah, no doubt about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you. Have you really romanticized killing yourself? Are you just kidding? No, no, no. I'm not concerned. I'm just curious. You're not concerned? No, no. You seem fine. No, but it is, you know, easy way out. I always feel good. If I feel stressed about my set, I'm like, I can just do it. No one you can instant call Tony. Hall of Famer.

[Brian Redban]

That's no doubt about it. That fucking In Memoriam video would kick ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or if I jump off something and make it come back. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I get it. No doubt about it. Positive push. It would be wild to make you an American citizen. Post life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's Mortem Mortimer, posthumously. Yeah, both good words. Yeah, all good words. Post life is off. Not bad though. How you like in America? What's going on with this green card? It's fucking annoying. I know I have a temporary work visa, but I think we can hook it up.

[Brian Redban]

You know, there was a woman that proposed to you. The audience is not. I don't think there might. So perhaps I should let people know that at the top of your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's Estonian, dude. I know this girl.

[Brian Redban]

You found an Estonian?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, she's Estonian. Literally. What are we going to do with two useless passports?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, she a mad against.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You.

[Brian Redban]

What? What would you do to Ari, Maddie, if he said yes? Would you really marry him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Would you suck his dick until it comes in your mouth? All right. These are Estonian angels. Don't talk to them like, Okay, I apologize. These are not American women. They will Steal your tough.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, she just threw an actual ring at ar. Maddie. Oh my goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This. That's. That's law. Look at this, huh? Is this. What is your. Did your husband give you this? Ah, okay. See, this is how we do. We scam our way to citizenship.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's very attractive, very beautiful. Yeah, she's. They're all a banger.

[Brian Redban]

Look, you like Estonian women, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love them.

[Brian Redban]

So what's stopping you from being with this beautiful woman that just threw a ring at you? What am I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a pretty good sign. Okay, I said yes.

[Brian Redban]

There you go, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari.

[Brian Redban]

Maddie's getting married.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's happening, everybody? Ari's getting his green card. Let his dick sucked.

[Brian Redban]

Anything else we should know, Ari?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, not right now. I'm hoping better luck at the casino today, you know? Are you able to work in America? Yes, you can? I am. Okay, great. Yes, totally legal. I mean, stand up. Can you. Can you get. Take jobs and stuff? Absolutely. Okay, nice. How am I promoting my own shows then?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Ari's doing great stuff. Theater is all around. The Killers of Keltoni is own gigs, a ton of stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, it's going really good. Everybody's very supportive. Okay, this is.

[Brian Redban]

It's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't we bring up Jim Norton's bit again? Get this crowd back on board. I didn't hear you, but I agree with it.

[Brian Redban]

You're killing it, Ari. Great. Thank you so much. Another new set, Ari. Matty, join the rest of the show. Maybe. And it goes on and on. Your next bucket pull, Tony. Gentlemen, we're going. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, one second. I just.

[Brian Redban]

This is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the wrong flavor. If I could get another flavor. Valerie, if there's any chance I get a different flavor of White Claw, what.

[Brian Redban]

Flavor would you like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just another flavor. I'll tell you if it's right after I get it.

[Brian Redban]

You have no request of another flavor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a watermelon.

[Brian Redban]

No, no no. Get the fuck out of here. Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Almost forgo where we were until this fucking bum genie came out of a. Jesus Christ. Welcome to Skank. Can I have the white hole Is kidding, you retard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus waiting for it too.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Some of these people literally spend like half of their net worth to come to Skank Fest for three days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, so much.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, Jesus Christ. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, this is. Right.

[Brian Redban]

I'm finally realizing why Ari only shaved half of his face. That is the let me rub my head between your tits side of his face. Can we get another cold brew for Jimmy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm thirsty too, guys. Did you piss in a glass and throw it on me? I'm talking to you, Ari. See how the night unfolds.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Could be the next star. Could be the worst set of the night. Anything could happen. Make some noise for Connor Loughran, everybody. Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They didn't tell me there were going to be boobs backstage. That's not fair. We'll try this. Anyway. I recently got an Amber alert on my phone while I was watching porn. Can't have those moments back. You ever get post nut clarity? Pre nut reality came rushing in real quick. I tell you, I was getting into it. I was watching the video. All of a sudden that alarm goes off. I was like, oh my God. I guess they're looking for you. I right on. Sick of these woke movies, guys. I tell you, I'm sick of them. They're getting into superhero movies now. Even those are woke. Ant Man. What's next, Uncle Lady? Guys. All right, good enough.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm calling it. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Connor Loughran. Welcome. Connor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, buddy.

[Brian Redban]

You were just on the show a couple weeks ago in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It got me here.

[Brian Redban]

It's been amazing. Yep. Louis J. Gomez was one of the panelists and he invited you here to Skank Fest and here you are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, buddy.

[Brian Redban]

It's all happening.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very funny writing. I like the writing. The jokes were good. I love the fact that you use the breasts. He came out as your opening line. Used. Something's really funny, man. They were unavoidable back there. I had to talk about. Oh, no. I mean, you used it on stage. That was a fucking deuce. They are lovely.

[Brian Redban]

It is. Connor, tell us more about you that we don't know yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. We talked about. I'm a convicted felon last time. Oh, what'd you do? I wasn't. For what? Drugs? Don't worry. Not one of those bad ones.

[Brian Redban]

It's okay. It's not that big of a deal to be a felon. You could still be president of the United States.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Change the game hopefully. Listen, brother, my hair's not real either. Let's fucking do this thing.

[Brian Redban]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Getting after it. Nice. More about me. Shit. I've been doing comedy six years in Cincinnati. Just moved. Austin. Got on your show. Fucking immediately felt like a bunch of strokes of luck. It's feeling great.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How's Vegas treating you? What are you doing for fun here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'M so. Like, I had to book myself. I mean, I do pay my own way. That's fine. Who gives a fuck? But I'm at Boulder State, and it is. It is the. It's not a woo thing. Saddest hub of, like, down and out. We're gambling the rant people that you've ever seen in your life. Like, it's like the people that were getting their heads slammed in the door in the movie casino. That's who's at Boulder Station.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like there's a little resentment there, too. Like, I'm having a great time. The hotel sucks. I hate to pay my own way. Glad Lewis invited me. Paid for nothing. I don't have enough to say all that. Exactly. Yes. But, yes. You covered me. I appreciate you.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. No, that's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much time did you do in jail? Sorry. Like, seven minutes. Do you mean stand up? What's that? Sorry. 90 days. Whoa. Actually, let me be clear. 76 days. I wrote a letter to the judge to get out early. I was like, hey, my grandpa's dying. And he was. But seriously. And so, like, the judge let me out early, gave me early release. And then for that week, I became the write a letter to the judge guy for the entire cell block, like. Cause it worked. He's like, this guy's got some degree of verbiage. He'll pull it off.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a movie in that somewhere. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Catch me if you will. Thank you. All the black guys, like, can I get all I got, too? Like. Nah. Doesn't work that way. I actually hung out mostly. I hung out with the black guys. In jail, in prison. There were black people. No. Yeah. There's a ton. There's a ton. That's who I hung out with. It was actually, like. It's a disproportionate amount. I was like, I don't remember this many outside, but here they are.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah. Not in the neighborhood that you grew up in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not. I'm actually from South Hills, Pittsburgh. Born a block away from Wiz Khalifa, if you can believe that. You can't.

[Brian Redban]

Ok. Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure.

[Brian Redban]

You must have been the yellow he was rapping about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I went to camp with Biz Markey. I do cook a good yet you say he's just a friend.

[Brian Redban]

Holy shit. All right, Connor. Well, what else is going on? Anything else we should know about? What was some of the worst stuff that happened to you in your days in prison?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, my cell, they snored as loud as, like, three dads yeah. You know, like how loud a dad snores. It was, like three of them.

[Brian Redban]

What did he do to get in jail?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. Snore too loud. I didn't talk to the guy. I is. Jail's not like prison. You don't ask everybody why you're here. Because it's not rapists. Nobody's, like, trying to fucking up a guy because he's in jail for rape. You're in prison for rape.

[Brian Redban]

But your cellmate, you should probably have talked to him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I talked to him a little. Listen, I'm trying to forget this a little bit. What's your favorite color? It was me. All right, well, like, he was a snore. Also, the rape, I guess. No, I mostly hung out with the Crips because there was a comedian, a fellow Cincinnati comedian. His cousin was in the Crips, and while I was locked up, he goes, you know, marquis. I was like, yeah, I just played spades with those guys all day. Yes, it worked out. They'll call you gay for doing that. Fun fact. There's, like, a racial hierarchy in jail.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What shouts out?

[Brian Redban]

Just Chandler from cell block.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gay for doing what?

[Brian Redban]

Stick with the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You'd gay for hanging out with black dudes. Like, if you're. If you're at a table playing cards with black dudes, they're like, you're definitely getting by those guys. I'm like, I. Maybe if they're cool with it.

[Brian Redban]

But, yeah, if you don't write the letter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Connor. Well, fun times. Congratulations. Congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket twice in three weeks. Conor lofran, everybody. Hey, y'all. This podcast is sponsored by Kalshi. Do you know who will win the presidential election? I know. I certainly have no idea. Or how many seats the Democrats or Republicans will win in the House or Senate. Well, there's finally a legal way to bet on the outcome of these elections via a platform called CalShee. CalShi is the first legal exchange where you can trade or bet on any event, including but not limited to elections. That's right. You can trade on that. Cal. She went to court and. And one legal approval for election betting. For the first time in 100 years. You can trade on that red band, Tony. I love Kelshi. I've been using the platform, and I am loving it. The payouts work like this. You buy for X cent and get $1 if you're right per contract. So if you buy something for 33 cents and you're right, you get three times your money and you can buy as many contracts as you want. They have markets on who will win the presidential election, who will control the House and Senate and who will win swing states and more. Calshi is already being used by hundreds of thousands of people and has facilitated close to $1 billion worth of trades. Kalshi is the only place to trade on these events in all 50 states. So put some skin in the game. Let's take an example. Right now Trump and Kamala are trading about 50, 50 meaning if you place a bet on either, you will double your money. If they end up winning. That's pretty good. So put your money where your mouth is and give Kalshi a try. Sign up using our link kalshi.com Tony and the first 500 traders who deposit $100 will free $20 credit. That's Kalshi. K a l s h I.com Tony to get a $20 credit. We're proud to have Kalshi as a sponsor and I hope you check them out. Your next bucket pool is inside. It is one of you. I have been informed that it is one of you. And it is the one that goes by the name of Sam Adamo, everybody. Or Adamo perhaps. Is this him here? Sam, come on up. Sam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sam. Adam. Bro. I drive a fucking piece of shit. It sucks. I drive a Honda Civic with 200,000 miles on it from 2009. It's my favorite thing. It's the best. I have this thing in that car I call Civic Superpowers. I don't give a fuck what happens in that car. Like I was driving down the street the other day, there was a guy next to me in a Maybach. It's a fucking two hundred thousand dollar car. He's fucking weaving to avoid potholes. He's scared. He's a fucking prisoner. I'm free like a bird. Fucking cutting people off. I'm not even checking my blind spot. I'm like, you want to do this? Fucking balls in your court. You want to touch me? This is your call, bro. You know why is it legal to fuck a 16 year old? Because it's above the age of consent. But you can't see a picture of her after because it's considered child pornography. I didn't write the laws. It's just, you know, I don't know how much sense it makes. It's like you could suck on her tits in real life, but if you see them digitally, you're doing five. Who wrote this? Cock tease.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, Sam. Adamo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[Brian Redban]

Adamo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adamo?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Adamo. What ethnicity are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Italian. Family's Italian.

[Brian Redban]

100% Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Both sides. Which is gay to talk about, but it's what it is.

[Brian Redban]

It's not gay. I was just curious because your eyebrows look Iranian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Those things are fleek esque.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I get that a lot.

[Brian Redban]

You take good care of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta suffer to look good. Yeah. Do you color those in?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you darken them. That's a trend right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I get them very aggressively waxed. Skin comes off. It's a whole thing, but it's the price you pay. Your accent says Feast of San Janeiro, but your eyebrows sing October. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Where are you from, Sam?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Montreal, Canada.

[Brian Redban]

You still live there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I'm from there. Born and raised.

[Brian Redban]

Born and raised, still there. How do you feel about Montreal?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. It's kind of weird. We got French, so it's a weird city. Like the stand up scene is kind of, you know, it's split in half. We don't, you know, to do it in English is a little odd, but it works. It's a good feeder city. Fucking, you know, it's a fun city. A lot of people come to give it a rip, which is nice, but a lot of tourists, a lot of fucking random French people just come to English shows.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa, whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shut off. Get him out of here. How many years? Yeah, seriously, how many years?

[Brian Redban]

This isn't that show, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Old enough to fuck your mother, you can go to.

[Brian Redban]

Go to one of the podcasts that don't have a format if you want to yell stuff out. It's every other podcast anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like that you seemed a little. At one point, you seemed like you kind of gave up like a little bit of faith. Like you seemed like you, like, ah. You felt defeated. But then you asked like a really important question that I've been looking for an answer for. Yeah, I'm asking a hard hitting question and I felt like I would really hope there's a lawyer here that could answer. It's quite the pivot. Yeah. But I had no choice. It wasn't going well and we had to double down. It is what it is. Yeah. You know, the room of this magnitude is a little different to what I'm used to. You know, the pacing's a little off, but you know, whatever, I'm happy to be here. Appreciate it.

[Brian Redban]

What is this piece of shit car that you speak of?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a Honda Civic 2009 quality car. I call it the Batmobile. Oh, it's Great. It can take a licking. It does whatever it's gotta do. It's still alive, it's affordable.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it's a Jewish Cadillac.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. You roll back the odama, put it on blocks. Driving in reverse for a couple hours.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. What do you do for work, Sam?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drop shipping. I've been doing standup two years, so I just fucking gotta make it work. So.

[Brian Redban]

Drop shipping. Drop shipping?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. What is that? What? It's E commerce. I sell shit online, okay? He buys a bunch of cheap shit.

[Brian Redban]

And resells it on Amazon for five times more. Yep, we figured that out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mostly just sex toys, dildos. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Really? Is that true? Are you trying to be funny?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's the fucking God.

[Brian Redban]

Explain to us the business model of specializing in dildos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. And a friend of mine would like to know, how do you get shit off one?

[Brian Redban]

Spoiler alert. I'm the friend. What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, another spoiler. It's my shit. I'm doing purple if you want. Whatever. It's, it's, it's not that glamorous. But when you start, there's a real temptation to look up the names of the people looking to buy them and just don't do that. Just don't. Don't look up the people buying dildos. It's very demoralizing. Like, what do you mean? It's a lot of gay men. Oh, that's not what you'd expect. It's a lot of gay men to the Bible belt. It's a lot of gay men. Like in the South. I've sold like zero in years. Like two, three years to anyone in New York. Like, no one has any shame there. It's just all. It's all people in like Alabama, Mississippi, they're buying from a Canadian wap. Fuck. It was just pressing, pressing the fulfillment button. Like, you disgust me. And I'm just, you know, bunch of big double headed ones to J. Trudeau. I knew that would bomb.

[Brian Redban]

Sam, what do you do for fun? You seem like the kind of guy that buys bottles at nightclubs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fucking hate those guys so much. No, I. No, I don't drink much. I played soccer competitively most of my life. I don't now since kind of starting stand up. But yeah, I like to play in the winter on like a recreational team, bro. I got kicked off my team last year actually, so I'm without a club right now. Without a team.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why did you get kicked off? Because an article was written about me in the. In a newspaper. Pedophile.com. oh, I have a podcast and I was talking about the indigenous and the local in Canada. Yeah, it's tough. And the local newspaper. The local newspaper on the reservation bordering Montreal wrote about it. They know how to write now. Yeah, it's great. It's incredible. And no, the guys on my team got freaked out and they. They kicked me off, so for fear that it might, you know, they might get us. You know, you could be a shame if I came out on the number one live podcast in the world. Just said what the team name is and would you cover.

[Brian Redban]

Can you tell us what you said about the indigenous on your podcast?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I told him to put the bottle down.

[Brian Redban]

You know, I like this version of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, it's. It's ruined many a native family where I'm from. It is what it is, you know? Yeah. This guy's so much better than a stand up.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yeah. This. This loose version of you that's like, I shouldn't, but I'm gonna say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, bro. Everyone tells me yourself now, you're not like, trying to be anything. I know. I was sitting down. I went up cold. It is what it is, man.

[Brian Redban]

But no, you're getting warm now, is what you're saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure, yeah. Yeah. My. My dick is growing right now, bro. That's what it is. My Lululemon underwear on them.

[Brian Redban]

So are your eyebrows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the eyebrow. Are you coloring those in? Those aren't natural. I swear to God. You want to touch them? You want to rub your face on these? Go ahead, we gotta do it now. Okay. Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like Trump's hair. Damn, it's thick.

[Brian Redban]

It is, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like something you stop up a hole and not let mice into your apartment.

[Brian Redban]

What's your love life like, Sam? What's it like for a dildo seller for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have a girlfriend. Her family's very proud of me. No, I've been dating my girlfriend for six and a half years. So we met in school.

[Brian Redban]

You've been with the same girl for six and a half years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Does she ever get high on your supply of dildos?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She got one.

[Brian Redban]

She got one? Yeah. What color is it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's whatever color my skin is.

[Brian Redban]

You made sure of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not getting a black one, end of story. It's my dick, Tony. It's my dick. You have a great look to your face. You have great facially, like. Do you act as well? No, no, I've never acted. There's no money for. There's no Money in. Stand up in Montreal early. You're not. We don't have any. I don't have an agent or anything. It's not. Mike Ward makes money. Pardon? Mike Ward makes money. He does, yeah. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He said he's really good to us up there.

[Brian Redban]

So do you spend most of your time in Montreal? You go a lot of other places. You ended up here because you're a fan of the Skanks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My buddy's actually on the festival. He's got a club up there. I'm a regular at his club. So he just had me come down. He said he signed up. He's the best. He's awesome. So I'm just taking it in, man. I'm kind of a couple years in. Just wanted to take it in. I'm sure he's glad you're not saying his name. What's up?

[Brian Redban]

How old are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

27.

[Brian Redban]

How long you been on standup?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A little over two years.

[Brian Redban]

So this is a pretty big deal for you right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's huge. Yeah. It's fucking massive. I'm really happy to be here. I've been in New York a couple times, but I've never been this far west. So it's great to be around, you know, the festivities, where it's at. Man. Dude. I rarely see, like, potential in someone, but this. This you is. Is like, if you find this you on stage, you'll be great.

[Brian Redban]

I was just going to say the exact same thing. Absolute. And it's not because of your time up here. It's because there was something in the passion of what you were saying and the way that you were saying it. It's not because you were warmed up. It's because you felt like it was kind of wrong what you were saying, but you wanted to say it because it was wrong when you said it. But it's not really wrong because you're in the free speech mecca. I can imagine why you would be a little bit more scared in Canada, where people have gotten in trouble for jokes and can get in trouble. And you're prime minister is a giant fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He is. He talked at my school when I was 15, and I was like, no one's gonna buy this. And eight years later, he was elected.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Next thing you know, you're selling dildos to Change for D. You know, But, I mean, what are you gonna do? Yeah, but. But you're right. Like, it's, you know, it's. That's what got me in on the podcast, though, when I was talking about the natives, I wasn't celebrating it. I'm like, this is an inconvenient thing. What are you gonna do? It's, you know, trying to help you. You know, it's.

[Brian Redban]

What is your dad and what are your mom and dad doing? Like, what are they like, they have pasta. Pasta every Sunday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, we. Yeah, we would do that mostly.

[Brian Redban]

And your dad's super Italian. What does he do? Works in the leather shoe business or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He sells back hands at home. Yeah, no, no, he does. And he's. He. He's. He's educated. He's not a retard like most Italian.

[Brian Redban]

What does he do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's like me. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Over here. What does he do, Sam?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's. He works in marketing. He just.

[Brian Redban]

He's got a job and moms stay at home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, just also white collar.

[Brian Redban]

What does she do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Insurance.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Jeez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. There's a lot of questions, Tony. Is your mom Italian?

[Brian Redban]

Jesus Christ. All right, all right. I'm not gonna. No one's ratting your family out. Make some noise for him. The kill Tony debut of Sam Adamo, ladies and gentlemen. Wild times out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If Skank Fest was real, somebody be in a seat right now.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If Skank fest was real, someone would have just taken a seat.

[Brian Redban]

If Skank felt Fest was real was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, somebody would have stolen his seat while he was up here.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I have a water?

[Brian Redban]

Someone may have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have very tiny waters.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could I have a water?

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Truly Joy. Truly Joy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, what's up? So I recently hit one year clean and sober, and it's pretty tough looking like this because no one believes me. The other day, this guy came up to me and he told me that I reminded him of that cool turtle from Finding Nemo. Honestly, that wasn't the first time I've heard that. Then this other guy comes up to me and tells me that I look like if ketamine was a person. I thought that was pretty accurate. I get it, though. I look fried. I look like if Cheech fucked Chong and had a baby. Got time for one more? All right, guys. What do you call a gay dude that doesn't get sensitive? A cool ass dude. What do you call a lesbian that doesn't get sensitive? A cool ass chick. What do you call a non binary person that doesn't get sensitive?

[Brian Redban]

Welcome, welcome. Julie went a little over your time there. We're so close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi.

[Brian Redban]

Hi. Choli. Am I saying that right, Julie?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you got it.

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah. So your entire identity is what you look like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kind of.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that's what it seems like from your minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So let's talk about it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like four months.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, where do you do that at? What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I started in LA at 4th wall in Hollywood. Okay. That place.

[Brian Redban]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you just don't know. No, not the fourth. You know la. I do know la. Oh, cool, you've taken a meeting.

[Brian Redban]

This is incredible. You definitely do have a look to you. Have you always had that type of charisma, hair everything?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, for sure.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Awesome. Do you surf?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't really surf.

[Brian Redban]

Skateboard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love. I like riding longboards.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you. Did you ever do shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shots. I made a joke about this last night out of my. I've been hearing that, like, all day, every day, and I haven't heard it, like, at all since I'm in Miami. Came out because I'm from Florida and, like, it was crazy. Wait, is that the. The sexy and I know it guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him. Every day I'm chuckling.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like that? I like the stuff you said about yourself. The Chichen Chong joke. The first two you had about your appearance were good. Yeah. And the joke jokes, like you. We do that, like when we first start, just to fill the time. But you should concentrate more on your own stuff because you're very interesting looking. You have an interesting point of view. Ketamine was a great line. Ketamine. I got a question for you. What do you call a non sensitive, non binary person?

[Brian Redban]

They.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool. Oh, good.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. The bear. The bear punched up your joke. Truly. What exactly do you do for a living?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I have a house in Florida that I own and I rent it, so.

[Brian Redban]

So you're homeless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm more or less like nomadic, but I've been living in LA for the last, like, six or seven months.

[Brian Redban]

Where do you live in la?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I live in Santa Clarita at my.

[Brian Redban]

Friend'S house, on his couch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have a room. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Is it the living room?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's actually.

[Brian Redban]

I can't picture you having your own enclosure. Of all the things you look like, you look like a guy that doesn't have his own bedroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, believe it or not, I do.

[Brian Redban]

Well, this belongs in Ripley's. Cause I do not believe it. You have a room that has a door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do?

[Brian Redban]

You close it when you locks. No way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Dude, is it a real Lock. Or do you do it with your imagination?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude. Okay, for real, what do you do during the day when you're not at the gym working on your calves. That's a twig. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, my God. It's good. You know, how do you even stand on those? What holds you up, you little puppet leg. Thank God the air conditioning is off or you get blown.

[Brian Redban]

Those are the most realistic looking prosthetic legs I've ever seen. You got the hair and everything. They put hair on them now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God bless us. All of us.

[Brian Redban]

My goodness. This guy. No size change between the calves and the thighs whatsoever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Zero.

[Brian Redban]

Incredible. It's a very leg driven episode of Kill Tony. We're getting to see a lot of people in short for the first time. Skank Fest, famous for their short wearing comedians. You come to this festival often?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is my first time. I honestly came out here to sign up for Coltonia on Wednesday. How did you know? I didn't even know.

[Brian Redban]

Well, we had a sold out giant massive show on Wednesday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good way to get the word out.

[Brian Redban]

So you signed up on Wednesday?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And you just stuck around?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Somebody told me about an open mic last night, so I just went there.

[Brian Redban]

And then you went.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I went to the open mic last night and.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, you stuck around for an extra night. You know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm out here. I want to do comedy. Like, I'm just gonna go to Skank Fest and then I just found myself in the line for the secret show for you. Yeah. It's a wonderful skank. Yeah. So this is technically my third time signing up for Tiltoni because I was in Austin like a week and a half ago, so I was just like, damn, third times a charm, I guess.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you. Well, that really makes you think what you just said.

[Brian Redban]

It's amazing. Have you ever had a concussion?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Do you remember how you got the concussion? Well, I'm curious because he's wearing one of those new pads that they put over the football helmets on top of his head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You know, it's like being tall, you run into shit a lot, you know? I do know, and I don't know what you're talking about. I've been tall my whole life. Yeah. You also don't have that much hair, bro. No offense. Like, I got like hair in my eyes, so, like, I'll bump into shit.

[Brian Redban]

You know that that's a decision that you make having hair like that, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like my hair. I actually cut my hair like a year ago and I didn't like it that much. Like, I like the curls.

[Brian Redban]

You like it like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Even though you're massively concussed and blaming it on the hair that gets into your eyes. You're suffering. You'd rather I would.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've got a concussion just walking into shit. No, you said the hair, though. But if you hit your hair against the wall, that didn't give you a concussion. Dude, if you're. So the last time I feel like I got a concussion, right, I was in my friend's warehouse and he has like this like. It's like a. A two story short ass little thing and I was going underneath and I thought the fucking garage door thing was open and I went, whoop. And I hit the top right there. Oh, my God, that shit hurt so bad. Red band. Solid job there. You know, that was right on it. Red, bad. That was underrated. Red band. How was I supposed to know? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm legitimately jealous of your hair. I'm supposed to be negative about stuff, but then, no.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely incredible. What's your love life like? You seem like the kind of guy that would fuck everybody's girlfriends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're living under a muff. Well, I do have a special person in my life. Fucking a retard? No. But like a month and a half ago I asked her for a break because my life has been. The only thing that's going well right now, I would say is comedy, but everything else has been. I'm not sure I'd say that. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're doing great. You're doing great. I apologize. So what was too stressful that you couldn't handle? Honestly, it was just like, she's like amazing. You know what I mean? And I was just like. My life was just, just. I was just like going crazy, to be honest. Like, I was like having mental breakdowns. My living situation sucked. Like, I thought people were my friends and they were kind of like dicking me over and I was like going down and I was just like, I don't know where I'm going to be.

[Brian Redban]

Were you on drugs?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I've been sober for over a year now.

[Brian Redban]

But what were you on before the soberness?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Weed and cocaine mostly.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you get sober? What made you decide to like. I'm glad you. You ask that. Thank you. Thank you. I got sober. Thank you. Jews are great questions. I got sober because I was doing shitty drugs with shitty people and having shitty experiences.

[Brian Redban]

How do you think they felt?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You Were their bottom.

[Brian Redban]

They're like. They're like, dude, I did cocaine until 8am with a weeping willow last night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got Chia regrets. Wow. Were you sober when you hit your head or were you drinking? No, I was sober the last time. Like that time I talked about. Yep.

[Brian Redban]

The house in Florida that you rent out for your entire living, did you inherit that from a dead grandparent?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did. Yeah, right.

[Brian Redban]

How long ago did that happen?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That my grandfather passed away or that I got. He died when I was. I would say, like 17 years ago.

[Brian Redban]

And you got the house how long ago?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Over Covid.

[Brian Redban]

And how much do you get a month from that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1800.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Why was there such a gap between when he died and they gave you the house? Are they hoping anyone else was taking sister first? This is what happened. So my mom bought the house or my dad. Sorry. My grandfather bought the house, but also put my grandmother's name and my mom's name. So it was like once they passed away, it was in my mom's name. And then Covid happened.

[Brian Redban]

We're gonna go to our senior real estate correspondent, Ari Shafir on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what you gotta do is diversify. First of all, that's the most important thing. You could have sued your mom for neglect. Yeah. And got in that house earlier. You got it. That's the important thing. Those are assets, regardless.

[Brian Redban]

Instead, all you got from your mother is her hair. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's enough of that. Truly, Joy, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Way too long of an interview. What was Tony thinking? Wait a second. Wait a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on a second here. What the fuck? Our house drummer, Michael Gonzalez. What are you still doing in Vegas? You were supposed to go home. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the full time kill Tony drummer Michael Gonzalez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get him a stick.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you, Michael. I didn't know you were still here. I don't know what's going on, but something tells me that I can't pass up on an opportunity like this. I think we should have a fucking Mexican drama. Well, Dave Lacey. The great Dave Lacey. Wait, right. Nick Liberator. We're gonna do a little drum solo competition, and then we'll get right back to the comedy show. But this is always fun. These are two of my favorite drummers in the history of comedy. Nick, famously the drummer of the goddamn comedy jam, where we've all performed and had a shit ton of fun, and it's a fucking freaking nature. Michael Gonzalez. I've worked with every single week and all around the world for the last almost four years continuously. So let's have a look. What do you guys think? A little drum solo competition. Wow. Holy. The great drummer of Elementop. That's E L E M P N O P Y. And now our house drummer, still in Las Vegas. Nobody knows how nobody he knows why. Just performed in front of 8,000 people on Wednesday night at the Resorts World Theater, making his Skank Fest debut with a little drum solo. Make some noise for Michael Gonzalez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus. I think we all won here tonight. How many you have Nick Liberatori winning that one? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning that one? You know what that means. We'll see you back in Austin on Monday. You're still the drummer. Still the drummer of the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

How about one more time for Nick, though? Stepping in. We're going to go with one of our regulars, I do believe, ladies and gentlemen. I hope he's ready. I've not been able to warn the crew, but this should be and hopefully is a brand new minute from one of the greatest regulars in the entire history of the show. Another absolute shooting star. This is a brand new minute, AKA or a riff session, if you will, from the great and powerful Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My little sister just came out and told my dad that she was gay. It worked.

[Brian Redban]

It's on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, we got it back. We good? My sister just told my dad that she was gay. And my dad is not progressive. My dad is 64 years old, so he don't. He got a brother that's been gay his whole life. He's 57. My dad's going, he not gay. He just confused.

[Brian Redban]

That's what he was saying the whole time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And my sister came out and told me, daddy want to take. I like girls. And my dad went, hey, I'm gonna tell you something. You been my daughter for 18 years.

[Brian Redban]

I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm always gonna love you. And it doesn't change anything I feel about you, but you going to hell. And my sister said, well, see you in hell then, nigga. And then my dad said, I'm not gonna be on the gay side of hell, I'll tell you that.

[Brian Redban]

Much as if hell had two sides.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wonder if Hitler went to heaven. What if he did? The dude did kill his son. Okay, that's it. I didn't have anything.

[Brian Redban]

Exactly one minute from Cam Patterson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have fucking nothing, dog. I do not. This is what's up.

[Brian Redban]

You're fantastic. That was terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'M going to kill myself.

[Brian Redban]

I. I told Cam that we were doing a pop up Kill Tony literally about three hours ago. So I'm mad as I'm not happy at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who are these? I'm mad as fuck right now. I have got a head. I'm mad as fuck.

[Brian Redban]

Don't mad. Fuck you, I'm mad. We love you, Cam. I'm angry. Everybody loves you. I've never seen you sweat, sweating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, it's terrible, dog.

[Brian Redban]

I like to be decent at comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sometimes I. I'm. Blow my brains out, Cam.

[Brian Redban]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm mad.

[Brian Redban]

I never. You are soaking wet right now. I've never seen you swim before, but I'd imagine this is how wet you would be. This is how wet you would be if you could swim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like me waiting for my HIV results. Cam is wearing his free Kill Tony shirt, by the way. Hell, yo, we. Brandon N, what's up with you?

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love being called that by you. It's always wonderful. Can I get a napkin? Somebody give me a napkin, please. What? I just want to wipe my face. I am sweating like a motherfucker. Use my shirt. Nah, I'm okay. Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Cam, how are you enjoying Vegas? It's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've been to strip club two nights in a row. I'm making it.

[Brian Redban]

I've been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've been making them do push ups in my section.

[Brian Redban]

You make the strippers do push ups?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, bitch.

[Brian Redban]

Earn the money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Wow. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

I've never heard of anything quite that diabolical before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's pretty funny.

[Brian Redban]

How many? I like it a lot. How many can they do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not a lot. Not that many, dog. And. And they can't do like, girl push up need like real nigga push up. You know what I'm saying? And I. If you get. If you do more than 10, I give you a hunting right there.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But they never get more than 10.

[Brian Redban]

All right. They never do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's always Beautiful to see AB. To get to 8, you just throw them some rocks?

[Brian Redban]

No, I throw pennies on them when they do three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who. Where are those pennies now, huh? That was good.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Push ups, huh? Anything else you make them do sit ups or any. Are there any other challenges? N. They always be like, I could do squats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, push. Push ups.

[Brian Redban]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Push ups.

[Brian Redban]

They're all working on that ass. But strippers have a weak upper body.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Horrible upper body.

[Brian Redban]

Well, no, not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not really because they gotta climb a pole and so they should be good at it.

[Brian Redban]

They should be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most they've done. One did 50. 50. Yeah. Yeah. She scared me. That's just scary. I gave her.

[Brian Redban]

I think I gave her like 150.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got 150 for that. Hell, yeah. I'm a good person, man. I'm supporting.

[Brian Redban]

That's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Having a good time, man.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That minute fucking suck. I'm gonna kill myself.

[Brian Redban]

No, no, you're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's actually kind of interesting. It was stuff about, like, the idea of heaven or hell.

[Brian Redban]

Nah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it's gonna be something one day. Yeah, it will be. And then I had talked about an interview and shit. I'm mad.

[Brian Redban]

I loved that minute. I absolutely loved it. You're at Skank Fest. They're not used to seeing these people. Aren't used to seeing or trying to decipher black people talking. So what you think may have been a failure really wasn't. You had the white people in the room that are used to black people laughing. There you are. All 14 of them, agreed. All 12?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. That was great. The family stuff was funny about your sister being gay? No, but it's got potential. She's a good minute. Yeah. It's disgusting what she's doing, but like. Oh, yeah, she going to hell. Father's right. 100%. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How old is this sister? She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

18.

[Brian Redban]

18. Wow. Do you think she's really a lesbian?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. You think she's faking it? No, she lied. She probably. I mean, I met all her boyfriends. They all scared me, so.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

She's in the public school system at 18, so now she in college. Okay. Now she's in college.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

But, yeah, she fits. She thought she was a lesbian. Wow. In the public school system is when she figured that out. Yeah, probably right. Has she ever brought any. Have you ever seen her with a girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Brian Redban]

She just told your dad she's a lesbian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She like to play jokes on him?

[Brian Redban]

I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think she's joking? You're hoping she's joking. I know she's joking.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably not, though. Who knows?

[Brian Redban]

You're just like your dad. You think she's confused?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She is. Why are you okay. Why are you gay? Confused. They're going to hell. Do you know your dad's brother, you said is gay? Yeah. He gay? Do you know him?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do you know your dad's brother? And your dad, is he.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dead.

[Brian Redban]

Kenny Patterson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up.

[Brian Redban]

Stand up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up. Stand up.

[Brian Redban]

Where is he?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up.

[Brian Redban]

Stand up. Where the fuck's Kenny? Oh, my God. There he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kenny rules.

[Brian Redban]

There he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kenny rules.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask him. Let me ask.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. Is your brother gay? No. No, no. Oh, is that your dad? That's my dad. I'm sorry, I thought you were the gay brother.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, shit. I was throwing your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would you do that? That didn't make it more gay.

[Brian Redban]

He's going along with it. He's going along with it. He's doing the right thing. Kenny Patterson's the man. He was also, of course, at the theater on Wednesday night backstage, and indeed we had an. I had a 15 minute row session on his feet. They are the most frightening feet you've ever seen in your life. If you really want to see the true stars of Skankfest, now that you have identified Kenny Patterson, glance at his feet, try to get close to him. Later on in the night, catch a fucking glimpse. It looks like literally he walked through a volcano to get here. They are unbelievable. You don't know where the ash and. And the. I mean, it is unbelievable. I don't know when exactly they're going to get amputated, but it won't be much longer. My guess is February, because those feet are about to be black history.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Athletes feet.

[Brian Redban]

Cam, we're all family. You know, you gotta all these sets. You are doing something that is just absolutely inconceivable. Let me remind you guys that you know Cam more than any other regular ever in the show's history, that you're used to, including one of the newest ones, Ari, Matty. Cam has been doing it much, much less and moved less time by a half a decade. And also, Cam just moved to a real comedy city fucking a year or two ago. Like, I mean, you were stuck out in Florida at open mics where David Jolly was Dave Chappelle and fucking, you know, you just raised the bar recently. So people are really getting to watch you perform at an extremely high rate. The fact that you have fucking unbelievable sets that you love 95% of the time is an unbelievable batting average for someone like you. So just know that you're a fucking legend and that everyone else isn't as good as you. There he goes. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. Fucking star. Another person from the inside. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds uninterrupted from a brand new comedian out of the bucket. Armando Hernandez, everybody. Oh, my God. You gotta be fucking Sid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go. Let's go. Oh, yes.

[Brian Redban]

Make some fucking noise for Armando Hernandez. Is this not working?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's get this popping. Yay. Yay. Hell yeah. Hey, give it for my pal Justin there, man. The best guide dog that Skink Fest can afford. You know, saying they really pulled out all the stops there. Got me a helper human. I tell you, man, let me get a little orientated here. I don't want to just cling onto this thing like it's my fucking dick. And I'm five years old on night. What you ain't? I've never seen a blind dude use echolocation before, you know what I mean? It's gonna get really awkward when I start trying to touch the judges faces and do some roasting, you know, I mean, I'm gonna be like, who got the humpty hump nose? Or it's gonna be like Rocky Dennis from fucking Mask. I'll be like, you're beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Well, I tell you what, I often get compared to Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles and I find it to be an inaccurate. Mainly because there is a blind Latino that's already famous. Feliz Navidad. And you know, it's just way more accurate. You know what? Ray Charles is pretty accurate. I love to do dope and lay the pipe. That's my time, folks.

[Brian Redban]

Armando Hernandez. Hell yeah, Armando. How does it feel? You just performed at the Sphere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I had no Sphere. Well, also, I love the fact that, you know, everybody gave me a standing ovation and the titty girl was over here flashing me, you know.

[Brian Redban]

How do you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's usually how I imagine all this shit going.

[Brian Redban]

How do you know there's a titty girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was mentioned by name a couple times also. Isn't it unfair? Have her like, let me. We could do a little squeeze and say, how do you do? To one another. That could be arranged, right? I mean, Jesus Christ, it's only fair if you're. If you're blind. Do you feel a bomb? More than.

[Brian Redban]

What did you feel?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel it. Four senses, extra strong. I thought it was going. It was a little bit of a rough set, but you really brought it home with the Jose Feliciano reference at the end. I thought that was great.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it was a rough set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good for the holidays.

[Brian Redban]

It was a rough set. But enough about your eyes. So, Armando, what's up? Were you born blind?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. 2 Head trauma accidents occurring throughout my childhood resulting in detached retinas. I'm just lucky, I guess. God decided to hit me with the Three Stooges. Boink.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, let's go back to the head injuries. What or what exactly happened? A trampoline accident.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you Just rocking really hard. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Did you have a really, really, really, really, really big haircut before and you couldn't see and you were running into.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Things, you know, just doing all them things that you get your head rocked, you know? I don't know. What specifically would you like to know about it? One was a football accident.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And one was at a water slide park.

[Brian Redban]

At a water slide park?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You hurt your head. You detached a retina. Buddy, you got to give us more information than that. So did you now it's a now defunct organization. There's no litigation. Ari.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on, hold on. Armando, no jokes. At this point, we're trying to figure out the real deal here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I was just with some, you know, kind of grimy cousins from the Bay Area, and we was running away from the security because they got up to no good in the water slide park, and I slipped, fell, hit the back of my head and had to get up and keep running with these fucking. Yeah, I mean, punk teenager cousins of mine.

[Brian Redban]

So let me ask you this. You had the football accident first, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

And did one retina detach then?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. And that took about a year or two to, you know, get over the hump. And then the same shit happened. Fucking when I was 12.

[Brian Redban]

Did you find out or something that you have, like, a genetic retina problem or is this just an absolute insane coincidence?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the Stanford doctors wanted to make me a guinea pig fucking exam monkey with that same thing in mind. It was kind of like, can we prove a genetic linkage to being predisposed? And I did have somebody in my family have such a detached retina and fucked up eyes that his eyeball actually, like, came out of his shit because of loss of pressure and shit.

[Brian Redban]

So wait, you're saying that the Stanford doctors wanted to study you and you said it like, you said, no, correct?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's just. It was weird. And they, you know, were unable to kind of get any direct linkage. So I was able to get a bunch of surgeries kind of like done by people who would otherwise not have interest. So they tried, you know what I mean, God bless them. But here I am, you know. Can you see shapes or anything? No. I have some light sensitivity in the right eye still. So if you, like, held up a fucking exam, you know, I might shy away. Like Nosferatu or something.

[Brian Redban]

Like a flashlight. If we put it right up to your eye, you would see it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, it sucks because I can't see headlights till it's way too fucking late.

[Brian Redban]

And if you Got hit by a car. I mean, that would be insane because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I'll tell you, Tony, I have been hit by cars, but those are head injuries for another day.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. Armando, you did it. You got pulled out of the bucket. The stairway's right to your right. Go right ahead. Run off, Armando. Wow. Welcome to Skank Fest, ladies and gentlemen, where, wow. Detached retinas are a real thing. We have a special treat for you right now before we get back to the bucket. A Kiltoni legend coming hot off of a set, Madison Square Garden. Make some noise for a new minute or so from the great dark, dark, dark night of late night comedy. Anything can happen. Making his return, this is the great Brian Holtzman, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, you think the blind guy's tripping over himself behind stage. I just want to be on a kil, Tony, where everybody's healthy. Why does it always have to be some kind of. I like my friends to be healthy, that's all. I never go anywhere without my baby oil. Room number? P. Diddy. You know, and in case you're traveling on the plane, you always want to have a small size as well. P. Diddy. I mean, do you have to fuck everyone? We all have dildos in the house, but not 1300. Your wife's sister comes over. Can I put this dildo in your ass? You know how hard it is to get your luggage back in a plane crash? You survive. I was in first class. Everybody was killed. I won my fucking bag. It was a blue bag with a white stripe. And I want my motherfucking bag back. I don't care. I want my goddamn back. Why do women work out in the gym? I want a girlfriend that can snap my neck. Oh, yeah, that's what I want. I want a girlfriend who can snap my fucking neck. Get the fuck out of the gym. If you come back, I'm going to rape you. I'm not going to rape anybody. I don't even have a knife. I know this has killed Tony, so I have to make sure I don't repeat myself or you'll never see me fucking again. Raise your hand if you're handicapped. Do you have to keep parking in a handicap spot even when it's late at night? No. Pity. I don't go to rich people's homes. You don't go to rich people's homes? I was at a party in the Hollywood Hills once, and they had a woman taking a poo on the bottom of a glass coffee table. I wanted to fit in, so I got under there. And I found it quite rewarding. There was a fat chick stealing Heinekens out of the refrigerator. They tied her to a straight back chair and tortured her. Everybody lined up and took turns telling her fat jokes or one person thought that was funny. Somebody who likes fat chicks, I get. No, you've been a great audience. And I'm wearing this tonight because I got a job at Benihana. Do I get interviewed or I just leave?

[Brian Redban]

What do you want? Yeah, we can do anything. How you feeling?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like. I feel like. I always feel out of place and fucking fucked up in the head.

[Brian Redban]

Make some fucking noise for Brian Holtzman. How you enjoying? All right, there goes one more time for Brian Holtzman, everybody. The great Valerie Vaughan getting us drinks tonight. Absolutely stunning. Let's have one more special treat. Come up and say hello real quick. I know for a fact that this guy just arrived, just popped in to Las Vegas, Nevada, and it just so happens to be not only one of my favorite comedians of all time, not only one of my mentors, not only one of my true best friends, but also the creator and one of the obvious main stars of the Roast of Tom Brady. Ladies and gentlemen, popping in to say hello real quick, the rosamaster general, Jeffrey Ross. Hi, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's up, Jack?

[Brian Redban]

Keep it going for the availables.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ, man.

[Brian Redban]

Ari, you look half great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is great.

[Brian Redban]

You look half Jim Norton, half. I don't know what the happened me. How do I look?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Terrible, dude, like always. I look like Bruce Willis if his.

[Brian Redban]

Trainer also had dementia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I look like Vin Diesel if he.

[Brian Redban]

Were neither fast nor furious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But we're not here to roast me. We're here to say hi.

[Brian Redban]

This is fun. I love that you just popped in out of nowhere. I didn't know you were doing a pop up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And when I heard, I rushed out.

[Brian Redban]

Of the burrito place I was at. I came down. I had to see what hat Red band was wearing. Yeah, his best 711 shirt. So good to see you, Jeff. This is exciting. How was Vegas this week? How was the big arena show? It was crazy. It was exhausting. It's been a wild, wild trip. And fucking Vegas has the best of me right now. But we're fucking hating. I tried to get a hotel room in New York. New York. But it was sold out. So I'm staying at Newark. Newark?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jeff. I haven't seen you since the Garden. Since Madison. I heard you're allowed back. Don't allow me back.

[Brian Redban]

You're the one who got kicked out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is disappointing.

[Brian Redban]

News.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just sinking in right now.

[Brian Redban]

Ari pulled out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love the liberty. Can I not go see them?

[Brian Redban]

Did anybody see Ari pull out a giant dick?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fake dick at the Garden.

[Brian Redban]

Msg Kill Tony, make stand up great again. Yeah, it was unbelievable. It was a great night. You had to drop the mic performance, it was so fucking cool. Unlike tonight where I'm just sweating my fucking one Tesla clock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's great. Yeah. You're just saying hi. There's no pressure.

[Brian Redban]

I know, but I didn't expect to be up here. There is a really good looking crowd. Sir, can you put your legs together, please? Your left ball's hanging out the right side. It's fun. This is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is great.

[Brian Redban]

This looks like a fucking refugee camp.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you doing, sir?

[Brian Redban]

Is everything all right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It doesn't.

[Brian Redban]

Look at me. You're hardcore fans who come to the Pop up show, Tony. How many people were at Tony's arena.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Show the other day?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow, that's more than I thought. That's amazing. Incredible MSG when he had Joe Biden.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Donald Trump at the same time. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Donald Trump's coming back for real. I heard he has a assassination scheduled for Thursday. He's going to do assassination attempts in all the swing states before the election. Can I hang out for the next bucket pool? Yeah, let's grab another chair up here for Jeff Ross. Thank you, everybody. Oh, yeah, baby. I love this so much. Kill Tony for life. I love it. And by the way, one last thing. Tony. Yeah. Your fans, for whatever reason, they all know about Brody. I saw a lot of Brody shirts walking. Yeah, Brody Stevens fans. No, the great. The great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got another mic or no? Yeah, we got one.

[Brian Redban]

Ari. Scoot down here. People know me. It's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go.

[Brian Redban]

There are a lot of Brody shirts. A fun, fun fact about Brody T shirts. I don't know if you guys know this, but you wash them, you dry them, and they hang themselves. Positive push. So I tell Brody's. I know it's long, but I just. I don't know why I'm in a Brody mood. You know that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's Brody's best joke. You know, he would talk about going.

[Brian Redban]

To the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. You know this one. And he said, there's a nickel back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tour jacket at the Rock and Roll hall of Fame.

[Brian Redban]

Did you know that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did not.

[Brian Redban]

It's in the lost and found, but enjoy it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead. I don't know. Shout out to. Shout out to Brody. Took the stairway to heaven.

[Brian Redban]

How dare you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Brian Redban]

Brody, all of our. One of our favorite best friends ever. And, yeah, comedy's wild, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like it. Great to be here at this Hurricane Katrina shelter.

[Brian Redban]

It is a vibe. You guys still having fun? We hanging out. We're deep in this show. It's been a long show. And we have one more special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. One more regular was able to make it here, ladies and gentlemen. When you first saw this young man, he was living in a van, addicted to open mics. Here with a brand new minute. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kim. What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Love it here in Vegas. I don't know what you guys have against Oakland, but I feel bad for them. You guys took the Raiders, you guys took the A's. You guys even took the crime and homelessness. There's nothing for black people to do in Oakland anymore. Vegas is the only place you can tell people you're a magician and they don't immediately think you're a pedophile. There's like Hogwarts for douchebags. Yeah. Love the. Love that the Jews were blowing up those pagers in Lebanon. The Hezbollah pagers. I didn't realize that terrorists had to have pagers. What are they on call? Hobbes. Did you get my text? Yes, I did. Thank. Yeah, I have a very liberal sister, you know, she's so liberal, she goes to adoption centers and tells the kids that they should have been aborted. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Han's Kim, ladies and gentlemen. That was Hans. Kim. That was Han's Kim. That was Han's Kim. That was great. Hans. I could tell you were expecting the Hogwarts for douchebags to get a bigger laugh. You kind of panicked, but it was great. You had great local fucking jokes. You wrote those on this most recent trip, I'm guessing right now. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm glad that this came up because I was going to do it on the other one, but I'm glad that I had the chance. Thank you. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

That's a great story. You were going to do it on the one on Wednesday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, some of them. The magician one. I'm glad I didn't do that one there. That's much bigger than this. I love Hans. I love you. Your jokes are mean. Most of them are well written. I think you're great.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I enjoy a good pedophile joke. Racist joke. Oakland. I was just terrific. Thank you. Trying to rally them for you.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Seems like you have a little something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got pissed so bad, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Really? You have to pee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do. Hold on. I'm really sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. I'm really sorry, dude, but I gotta piss.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, no, wait, wait. We get in trouble every time you take your dick out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This ain't msg. Hold on. I was kidding about wanting piss thrown on me.

[Brian Redban]

This is desecration of the American flag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For so fucking long.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, what is. What do they have here behind? What is going on? Is this a shield of some kind? What is going on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, guys, it's Ari Shapir, habitual line stepper, and Kill Tony regular, really, from the beginning, honestly. I mean, I was there in the Belly room days. The Main Room, Houston, the Vulcan, the Comedy Mothership, the LA Forum, Madison Square Garden. And now, here at the greatest comedy festival in the world, Skank Fest, hosting the greatest live podcast in history, Kill Tony. And I honored it. I honored this meeting of great minds in the way that only I can do. I stepped over a line. Regrettably, YouTube will not be able to show what I did, but, man, let it be said, it was wild. It was the greatest moment in Skankfest history. Definitely the most talked about of the year by far. I had acidic Jewish friends that found out about it on their own. Not through me or anybody else. On their own. It was nuts, you guys. It was. Is nuts. But YouTube can't show it. Honestly, Streamers wouldn't be able to show it. TV wouldn't be able to show. The Dark Web would have a problem with it. But honestly, that should be a lesson to you. You should come to live shows. Live shows are where the craziest things happen. And I've been there for some nuts playing that. You guys haven't seen stuff that got cut out. I was there when. When David Lucas got sick of Tony's comebacks and he just got mad. I don't know, but he's tried to attack. We tried to tackle him, Tony being a wrestler. Wrestler. But background reversal, pulled a single leg, used David's severe body weight against him, pulled him to the ground, pulled his pants down, and gave him what David later called the greatest butt of his life. I was there. What other moments? Oh, I was there when we met Cam Patterson's real parents, a white couple that adopted him and raised him from a young boy in a small town outside Boise, Idaho. Yeah, Cam doesn't talk that way. That's an affectation he puts on. He's also into shells, not rocks, but it's good for the show, so we had to cut it out. I was not there for the Diddy episode that I heard about from lots of people and rumors and innuendo. No one will tell me exactly what happened. They just go, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Even Tony goes, I don't want to talk about it. Release the episode, Tony. I want to see that Diddy thing. All the only thing I heard from people was they go with during that Diddy episode was they go, david Lucas was hungry for it. What does that mean? David Lucas was hungry for it. Damn. I don't know. Anyway, I wanted to even tell you was what I did, but Red Band said he. I can't. He said, even if I tell you what happened, YouTube might demonetize their account. Red was visually shaken by this. That's how great a moment it was. And what. Let's give it up for Tony for being able to put on a thing like. Like that, man. I stepped over a line. He set up a line that I can step over. God, he rules. Actually, I'm switching allegiances now from the Yankees to the greatest franchise kill Tony. God. I want to tell you, it was an announcement. It was an announcement that my new tour just went on sale right now. God. The Farewell Tour. I'm doing a short tour and then I'm leaving the country. Yeah. Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Alberta, Florida, Pittsburgh, Denver. And I'm ending in Anchorage, Alaska. They got Lake Tahoe in there. A few other places. Go to Ari Shafir.com right now for tickets, reasonably priced. I say 50 tickets at 20 bucks each for every theater I do for the poor people. It's a wild, fun show. But after that, I'm calling it the farewell tour because I'm leaving. I'm leaving to reflect on the style of comedy I've gotten into now. Of course, my jokes are good. My last special was one of the most widely regarded specials of all time. 7 million views on YouTube too. Go check it out right now. But I do a thing on podcasts where I just like to go for it. And after this one, I don't think there's anywhere left to go. I did the math. Me and Tony and Red Band talked about it later. Jeff Ross wouldn't talk to me after this. He said, I gotta be not around you for a while. Norton left immediately went to masturbate. I think the next place I can go is human sacrifice, and I don't think. I don't think I can do that. Also, human sacrifice is too much blood. And for YouTube, if they can't show blood here. How are they going to show? But maybe I'm saying too much. So I'm going to go walk the earth, everyone. I'm going to do this farewell tour. Tickets [e-mail] right now. Portland. Is it Portland? And then. And then I'm gonna go reflect on. On. On what I am. I think I'm done. I think I'm just going back to regular jokes. The next time you see me on Kill Tony, my dick won't come out. That's. That's hard and fast. Not. We won't cut it out. It just won't be on there when I'm on Rogan. I'm not gonna piss in Bud Light bottles anymore. I'm not gonna piss in any bottle. I'm just going back to Jo jokes on podcasts. Stand up was always just jokes, but podcasts, I like to go for it. So, guys, let's get back to the episode. I'm going to hand it back to Ohio's probably greatest twink in history, Tony Hinchclove. Tony, please guide these guys into the end of the episode. And I'd like to apologize to Red Band most of all for having to clean up my mess. Literally, for having to clean up my mess. Guys, it was such a fun moment. People were. It was wild. It was wild. Tony, take it. Take it away, man. It was so fun. Redhead was like, emotionally hurt. Red man later was like, I don't know what to do. Derosa said like, I. He needs help. I'm Ari Shafir and I've been triggering the untriggerables since 2001. Enjoy the rest of the episode. I'll see you next time. I'm on Kill Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Antibiotics.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, shout out to our sponsors if we still have bouncers. One more time for the roastmaster general, Jeffrey Ross. One more time for one of the all time greats of the show, Jim Norton. And one more time for this naughty, naughty boy, Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And one big round of applause for Brian Red Ban and Tony the Golden Pony.

[Brian Redban]

And another thank you to LM Joel Ratkowski and Nick Liberatori Skagfest. Thank you. Congratulations on being here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Love you guys. Sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, God, this place is chaos right now. True bloody piss. This was Kilto Tony at Skank Fest. Thank you. We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It.