#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE

Summary

KILL TONY #694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX – December 3, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this energetic, joke-packed episode of Kill Tony, host Tony Hinchcliffe and co-host Brian Redban welcome first-time panelists Shawn Gardini and Tommy Pope, both members of the Philly/“Shane Gillis Super Crew,” now Austin transplants. The night features the classic Kill Tony format: a blend of roasts, sharp wit, and uncensored interviews, as aspiring and established comedians perform standup and brave Tony’s panel afterward.
The episode revolves around themes of resilience, the wild variance of open-mic comedy, and the joys and lows of living as a comic in the “new comedy capital of the world.” It features heartfelt and hilarious moments, unique personal stories, riffs on current events, and the show’s trademark blend of genuine encouragement and brutal honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Opening & Introductions (02:15–04:53)

• Tony introduces the show's established formula and the packed lineup of guests, including new panelists Shawn Gardini and Tommy Pope.
• “You get to look in the crystal ball of the future of stand up comedy. These guys are part of the Philly Shane Gillis super crew.” (Tony, 02:45)

Sean Gardini & Tommy Pope—Welcoming the Panel

• Tony jokes about Gardini sounding like Joe Pesci (“You’re the closest I could get.”–Tony, 04:10).
• Panelists discuss their excitement about moving to Austin and joining its booming comedy scene.
• Sardonic banter about Italian-American representation (“Two Italians in this whole fucking city, me and the lead singer of the fucking band, and we’re fed up.” – Gardini, 04:27)

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Comedian Segments, Standout Jokes, & Interviews

Martin Phillips (06:49–14:19)

• Delivers quirky, self-deprecating jokes about participation trophies and WWII Nazis.
• Shares a story about a lost date due to Tony’s media controversies:
  “You being a Nazi fucked up my life a little bit.” — Martin Phillips, 08:46
• Tony riffs on the absurdity of being called a Nazi by the mainstream press.
• Sean Gardini, watching nervously:
  “How do you think I have this weird, uneasy feel, like it’s like watching a dog sneeze...” — Gardini, 13:08

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Jamisha Albo (14:51–24:07)

• Talks about being adopted by a Mexican/Italian family, transracial adoption, and growing up “the only black person in my family.”
  “My mom is a combination of white and Mexican, so when we’re in public, I call her Mexicaren.” — Jamisha, 15:49
• Admits to being a "terror" growing up despite new family (“I would lie. I would steal…” 20:52).
• Reveals she had an STD at age three due to her birth mother's lifestyle—sparking a string of explicit but supportive riffs from Tony.

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Cole Castle (24:47–30:47)

• Delivers jokes about sex, down syndrome, and “microdosing” disabilities.

• Reveals he gets most of his material from sexual encounters.
  “I’m really good at, like, the pillow talk after.” — Cole Castle, 29:04

• Tony has him do a staged “pillow talk” with fellow comic Heidi for laughs.

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Simon Perkovich (31:29–38:46)

• Leans into trans athlete discourse, then is razzed for sticking to prevalent topics.
• Describes life as a hippie/bartender/mushroom farmer and recent move to Austin.
• Inadvertently details having “lichen sclerosis” (a rare skin disorder) on his penis—drawing disgusted amusement from the panel. “Has anyone heard of lichen sclerosis?...It’s just like, pale, it’s just a little whiter, just on my dick.” — Perkovich, 37:20

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Seth Shepherd (39:13–45:04)

• Kentucky transplant; jokes about his Appalachian accent and struggles with learning Spanish.

• Talks about smoking cigarettes at age four:
  “My dad gave me my first cigarette when I was four.” — Seth, 40:56

• Recently quit a Papa John’s GM job to pursue comedy; seeks work in Austin.

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Cam Patterson Regular Set (46:38–53:43)

• Discusses being mistaken for a football recruit at a Colorado Buffaloes game.
• Describes meeting his idol Deion Sanders, being awestruck:
  “I froze like his manager, a big friend. Like, he liked the show and shit.” — Cam, 48:39
• Tony and Cam riff about “black feet” stereotypes and family, hitting both raw and affectionate notes.

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Juanita (55:48–67:29)

• A comedic, open, and self-aware set about being trans.
  “Sometimes I like to go to gender reveal parties. And drown the room in negative energy.” — Juanita, 56:24
• Shares intimate stories about transitioning, transracial identity (Mexican immigrant to Texas), and being out of work.
• Does impressions of Nicole Tran and Jennifer Coolidge on request.
• Tony praises her for “owning” her gender identity on stage.
• Juanita’s love life and encounters with eccentric men become interview fodder.

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Dusty Keith (68:25–74:33)

• Attempts a roast-style set directed at Tony (which mostly falls flat).
• Discloses background in physics and employment at a crossing guard—juxtaposed with stand-up aspirations. “I look like Chewbacca on chemo.” — Dusty, 71:48

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Uncle Laser + Special Cameo: Cowboy Cerrone (76:05–82:14)

• Uncle Laser provides a rollicking, wild Texas energy: stories about extravagant LA parties, OnlyFans, mingling with “Avatar” costumers and Oompa Loompas.
• Big surprise: UFC legend Cowboy Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone appears, announces desire for 50 UFC fights, and issues a challenge to Jake Paul: “If the guy wants to come to MMA, I’ll gladly whip his ass.” — Cowboy Cerrone, 82:01

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Edgar R (84:02–93:56)

• El Salvadoran ex-meth addict turned aspiring comic, working at Tesla.
• Shares stories of sobriety and being in the “wrong crowd.”
  “I was always at, you know, the Trap House... then there’s me in the corner with an acoustic guitar.” — Edgar, 84:49
• Plays guitar (original song); gets huge support from the crowd.
• Recalls a wild episode being carjacked during his meth days.

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De La Stoner (93:56–102:04)

• Entire persona is weed-centric—has a dab container necklace, joint behind his ear, and weed paraphernalia.
• Jokes about quitting blunts and his mother wishing he was gay, not a stoner.
• Reveals he and his girlfriend both work call centers and create “stoner content” on social media.

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William Montgomery (Regular Closer) (103:22–114:09)

• Offers a blend of surreal, topical, and “evergreen” jokes: “Jake Paul... his opponent is none other than Kobe Bryant.” — William, 103:41
• Roasts himself, panel, and audience plant with trademark deadpan.
• Talks about Pentecostal church upbringing, Call of Duty achievements (“almost have diamond camouflage on 15 of my weapons”).
• Banters with Gardini about drag, feeling down, and comedic resilience.

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Notable Quotes

• Tony on the show’s mission:
  “Anything can happen. Could be the future of comedy pulled out of the bucket. Could be absolute mental illness at 1,000 miles an hour.” (05:07)
• Sean Gardini, on Martin Phillips:
  "It's like watching a dog sneeze... I'm like, oh, he okay. He's okay. Let him sneeze. Let him get it out." (13:08)
• Jamisha Albo on family:
  “Growing up, my life was more like the movie Get Out, except with Mexicans, which was somehow worse.” (15:22)
• Juanita, on transition:
  “I just thought it was really obvious, and then actually, like, Amy, it is.” (57:41)
• Cowboy Cerrone (MMA legend):
  “If the guy wants to come to MMA, I’ll gladly whip his ass... I have two before July to get done, and I’m going to go out and give it hell.” (82:01–82:14)
• De La Stoner:
  “I don’t really smoke in the morning, because I’ll eat like a 500 milligram [edible] the night before... I wake up still high.” (98:45)

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Memorable Moments

• Panel’s Roasting Chemistry:
  The rapport between Tony, Gardini, and Pope leads to rapid-fire jokes (example: "arrows" for "hours" Italian mispronunciation riff, 04:34).
• Juanita’s Impressions & Life Story:
  Her honest, funny account of being a Mexican trans woman lands with panel and audience alike.
• Surprise Cameo:
  Cowboy Cerrone, UFC legend, issues a challenge to Jake Paul live on stage (81:05–82:14).
• Live Art Auction:
  Closing segment sees a Redban painting auctioned off, with William acting as auctioneer, raising $2000 for the artist and charity (111:53–114:54).
• Support for Sobriety and Comedy:
  Tony encourages comics sharing struggles (e.g., Edgar R’s meth recovery), blending humor with real support.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:45 – Guest introductions, Philly crew
• 06:49 – Martin Phillips standup & interview
• 14:51 – Jamisha Albo’s adoption & STD story
• 24:47 – Cole Castle’s “pillow talk” routine
• 31:29 – Simon Perkovich’s trans athlete jokes
• 39:13 – Seth Shepherd’s Kentucky upbringing & Papa John’s experience
• 46:38 – Cam Patterson’s regular set (Colorado trip, Deion Sanders)
• 55:48 – Juanita: trans journey, family, impressions
• 76:05 – Uncle Laser's set; Cowboy Cerrone live challenge (81:05)
• 84:02 – Edgar R’s meth recovery tale & guitar performance
• 93:56 – De La Stoner’s stoner persona & relationship
• 103:22 – William Montgomery, closing set and banter
• 111:53 – Live Redban painting auction

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Episode Tone and Style

• Unfiltered, fast-paced, and irreverent, marked by deep inside comedy talk.
• Tony Hinchcliffe marshals the chaos, quick to roast, but also to encourage and provide career advice to comics.
• The panel vibe is friendly and sarcastic, with playful barbs flying between Gardini, Pope, and the hosts.
• The episode is robust with audience interaction, real-life stories, and “supportive bullying” for both panelists and participants.
• Risqué subject matter (race, sex, trans issues, addiction) is handled with the characteristic boundary-pushing but comic sensitivity of Kill Tony.

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Summary Table of Comedians & Key Notes

| Comedian | Main Theme/Jokes | Notable Moments/Quotes | |------------------|--------------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------| | Martin Phillips | Self-deprecating, WWII Nazis, Tony scandal fallout | “...being a Nazi fucked up my life” (08:46) | | Jamisha Albo | Adopted, transracial, family, childhood hardship | “Mexicaren” joke, STD at 3 story | | Cole Castle | Sex, down syndrome, “pillow talk” | Living material, staged pillow talk | | Simon Perkovich | Trans athletes, hippie background, lichen sclerosis | “pale...just a little whiter, just on my dick” | | Seth Shepherd | Kentucky accent, childhood smoking, fried chicken | “First cigarette at 4” (40:56) | | Cam Patterson | Black athlete stereotypes, Mike Tyson stories | Audience loves regular | | Juanita | Trans identity, Mexican roots, impressions | Honest, self-aware, multiple voices | | Dusty Keith | Failed roast of Tony, physics background, crossing guard| “Chewbacca on chemo” | | Uncle Laser | LA party stories, wild energy, introduces Cowboy Cerrone | Cameo: Cowboy Cerrone calls out Jake Paul | | Edgar R | Meth recovery, music, Tesla job | Sings, plays guitar live | | De La Stoner | Stoner persona, family, social media | 500mg edibles before bed | | William Montgomery | Topical absurdity, church background, Call of Duty | “Almost have diamond camouflage on 15 weapons”|

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Closing Thoughts

• This episode showcases the vibrancy and unpredictability of Kill Tony: first-timers rub shoulders with regulars and legendary guests, and no detail or subject matter is off limits.
• Genuine stories of hardship and aspiration are met with laughter—even uncomfortable laughs—fostering a supportive but ruthlessly honest comedy environment.
• Panelists Gardini and Pope prove their sharpness, blending self-deprecation with big-room riffing.
• Standout moments include Cowboy Cerrone’s surprise challenge, Juanita’s authentic portrait of trans comedy, and the raucous, all-in auction ending.
• Tony’s steady hand ensures the show remains a “crystal ball for stand-up’s future”—raucous, real, and relentlessly funny.

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For full performances and more, check out the episode on YouTube or DeathSquad.TV.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliff.com everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliff.Com if you want to check out the Sunset strip or get some death Squad merch, go to Death Squad tv and. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redneck coming to you

[Brian Red Band]

live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get up for Tony.

[Sean Gardini]

It's gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Make some noise for Brian. Red Band, ladies and gentlemen.

[William Montgomery]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We've been doing this a long time. How about one more time for the best stand band in the land, huh? On horns, Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo and Fernando Castillo. Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Matthew the Mortician mewling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And this right here is the beautiful bold D madness live in the flesh on the bass guitar. This episode of Kill Tony is brought to you by Xipix and Express Expressvpn. A lot of fun in store for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin,

[Jamisha Albo]

Texas is now over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode? You guys can do better. Are you guys ready for a great night or what? Every single episode, I have two of the funniest people in the world on this show. This week, no different. This is both of these guests first time on the panel, which is very, very exciting. You get to look in the crystal ball of the future of stand up comedy. These guys are part of the Philly Shane Gillis super crew. Ladies and gentlemen, some of the newest residents to Austin, Texas, the new comedy capital of the world. I present to you two of your new favorite comedians. If you don't know them already, make some fucking noise for Sean Gardini and Tommy Pope, everybody. Here we go. Gardeni, welcome. Sit over there, Tommy. Over here. Get over here, Tommy. Hell yeah. Make some more noise for our guests tonight. Oh, yeah, baby. Sean Gardini is on tour. Cleveland, Buffalo, Baltimore, tampa. Coming up, seangardini.com for tickets. That's S H A W N. Sean, look at you, you adorable funny man. How are you? I'm here, baby. I'm happy you are here. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. We're gonna watch some wacky comedians. How about a hand for. Tommy Pope is here. Has the podcast Stuff island with Chris o'. Connor. Another berry berry funny man. How you guys doing? You excited to be here?

[Sean Gardini]

Fucking, this is delicious. I've always seen you from afar, Tom. This is very exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is very exciting up close. I always wanted to have. I always wanted to have Joe Pesci on this show.

[Sean Gardini]

Fuck you, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're the. You're the closest start. You're the closest I could get. You like that?

[William Montgomery]

You guys like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He asked me upstairs right now.

[Sean Gardini]

Two Italians in this whole fucking city,

[William Montgomery]

me and the lead singer of the

[Sean Gardini]

fucking band, and we're fed up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He asked me right before the show, he goes, how many arrows is this? I go, what? He goes, how many arrows? I go, what? It's like hours. I'm like, oh, my God, you were trying to say hours. Arrows. How many arrows is there? Two arrows. Yeah, two arrows.

[Sean Gardini]

We're all different. We're all fucking different.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sean Gardini, a soft spoken assassin. Yeah, more of a strong, silent type, but I'm very happy to be here. We're gonna have fun tonight. 25052 innocent souls signed up for tonight's show. They are stockpiled at a bar across the street. And if I pull their name out, one of our amazing producers goes and wrangles them from across the street. They come over and pace nervously right behind that curtain for a few minutes until it is their time to come up on stage. If, when it is their time, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted, you know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview and me and my esteemed panel find out more about them. Make friends, make enemies. Anything can happen. Could be the future of comedy pulled out of the bucket. Could be absolute mental illness at 1,000 miles an hour. You guys have seen this show before. Anything can happen. And now it begins. And we start tonight's show while we go wrangle that first comedian with one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show, truly. I mean, this guy, even though in the golden ticket range of comedians, really, basically a regular I put him up every single time he wants to go on stage. And every single time he does. Extremely great. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the return of one of our favorites in the history of the show. Getting things started tonight. This is 60 seconds from the one and only Martin Phillips.

[Martin Phillips]

My first participation trophy was my birth certificate. Got way too much credit on that. You know, women can go to the bathroom together. That's normal. But when guys do it, it's like, oh, we're gonna do coke. Okay. It's never gonna spend time together. They borrowed my dollars, so I was a part of it anyway. Any Nazis here? I'm never sure. After World War II, all the Nazis, they got charged with war crimes and a lot of them killed themselves in jail. It's like, whoa, way to make yourself look guilty. What we going by? You see that? They got rid of all the good lawyers. Ha ha. Okay,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips has done it again. Way to get things started. I was called a Nazi for two weeks by.

[Martin Phillips]

That's why I said the joke. I was like, this is for Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never been called a Nazi before, and I wouldn't have guessed that. My first times being called a Nazi were from every mainstream media outlet in the globally known as a Nazi. Me with my super multicolored panel and love for. Absolute love for disabled people. You know, us Nazis, we are wild Nazis. 2024, a whole different thing. We just hate ourselves. I love it. Martin, you did it again. You are so funny. How's life been going?

[Martin Phillips]

It's all right. It's cool. It's cool now. Actually, you being a Nazi fucked up my life a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me. Tell me about it. I want to know. Tell me how I fucked up your life.

[Dusty Keith]

So

[Martin Phillips]

before the election, I went on this coffee date. It was cool. It was fine. We're going to go out on second date after the election. She's like, I don't want anyone in my life associated with Jill, Tony. So, yeah, thanks a fucking lot, Tony.

[Jamisha Albo]

Thanks.

[Martin Phillips]

A fucking lie, you say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sean Gardini]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I saved you, buddy. I saved you. You almost fell in love with a mentally ill girl there for a second. Hell yeah. We both lean to the right, that's for sure.

[Martin Phillips]

That that's your favorite joke, you doing it every time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, thanks a lot. Thanks for. Thanks for letting everyone know that I've done that joke before. Martin. That's always great for comedy, you piece of.

[Cole Castle]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's so good, it's worth doing multiple times.

[Martin Phillips]

You're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Put Those hands back in those pocke. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mike Tyson, look out. Holy. Yeah, Martin, fantastic. Everyone loves your style. I can't believe it. I can't believe that I cost you a second date with a crazy girl. There was no other red flags.

[Martin Phillips]

She was nice. No, she was nice. I didn't.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Martin Phillips]

I didn't have any issues.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was she normal and able? Able bodied? Yeah. Or were you guys both out there just doing the wobbles? A normal person just spilling coffee all over the joint?

[Martin Phillips]

I, I, well, it was cold coffee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cold coffee. I'm guessing it was shaken.

[Martin Phillips]

Good one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I don't know.

[Martin Phillips]

She was cool out there. I didn't see any issues why we went out, but, yeah, she solved issues about me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she doesn't want to be associated with anything. Kill Tony. Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

Well, and I was like, I wasn't fucking there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wasn't there.

[Martin Phillips]

I wasn't fucking there. Yeah, I wasn't that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, that wasn't. Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

So I don't know. Oh, jeez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man. Well, she's probably not going out with anybody. She probably shaved her head and swore off sex for the next few years anyway, so no matter what, you'd still be rubbing that in your pocket right there. Oh, it's your phone. Okay. All right. I thought it was your fat for a second. What kind of dick do you have, Martin? What are we working with here? I've always wondered, is it a. Is it also a vibrator?

[Martin Phillips]

I guess if it's on me, it's about you right there. No, I think it's a regular penis. I, I believe it's, you know, normal. Okay, so it comes out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, are you comparing? Oh, you are circumcised. Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, I don't remember that, but they did, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

That doctor, that guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Very, very. One of the hardest circumcisions to do, I'd imagine. Stay safe still. Can people hold down the arms and the legs and the hips and the fucking shoulders?

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nurses. I need more nurses. This baby's wobbly, wobbledy wobble.

[Seth Shepherd]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Gentlemen. Have you guys ever seen anything quite like Martin Phillips before?

[Sean Gardini]

No, I. Dude, I've seen him before. He's fucking hilarious. But I get, I get anxious, you know? How do you think I have this, like, weird, uneasy feel, like it's like watching a dog sneeze

[Juanita]

where you.

[Sean Gardini]

I'm like, oh, she okay. He's okay. He's okay. Let him sneeze. Let him get it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big fan. Oh, thanks. B, the great Sean Gardini. What do you think about Martin Phillips? Huge fan. Love your style. Sorry you're not getting anymore. Yeah, but, you know, maybe it's for the best.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, maybe there's a silver lighting somewhere. I don't know. Don't know what I heard about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll put a good word out for you.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah,

[Sean Gardini]

Gardini's gonna put a word in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Sneezy dog leading the sneezier dog. I'll teach you some of my tricks.

[Martin Phillips]

You put the word out, Toddy.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

All right. I don't believe you, dude.

[Sean Gardini]

I'll jerk you off right now, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just have to leave your hand there.

[Edgar R]

He'll do all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, Martin.

[Cole Castle]

I don't like.

[Martin Phillips]

That was good. That was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Martin. You're an absolute rock star. We love you. Way to get the shit started tonight. You've done it again. The great Martin Phillips. And now we go to the bucket. We know this first bucket pull. She's been on this show multiple times. She got like, oh, the lovely Heidi, everybody. Big pop from the crowd. You gotta love it. Heidi has lighters. The Heidi lighters are out. I don't know. Where do people find them at Heidi?

[Jamisha Albo]

You can find them at the yellow

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

roads of Austin, Texas. Oh, they have to go to the actual yellow rose. Okay. All right. I thought that maybe they'd be online, but you have to take your ass to a real legit street strip club to get these lighters. All right. You know her, you love her. It's been a long time since she's been on this show. This is a brand new minute from Jamisha Albo, everybody. It's been a long time. She's back. Jamisha Albo.

[Jamisha Albo]

My name's Jamisha. I was adopted when I was six years old. I'm the only black person in my family. And when I tell people that, they think my life is a lot like that movie the Help. Yeah. Growing up, my life was more like the movie get out, except with Mexicans, which was somehow worse. My mom is a combination of white and Mexican, so when we're in public, I call her Mexicaren.

[William Montgomery]

Right?

[Jamisha Albo]

Like, she can eat tamales with the best of them, but like a white woman, she loves to say the N word.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah,

[Jamisha Albo]

Nordstrom, it's. But she is Mexican, so it's more like Nordstrom Rack. That bitch loves a hard R. Okay. I got kinky parents. You guys have kinky parents? Don't answer that. You see, here's the thing. About kinky parents. You shouldn't know that they're kinky. When I was 18 years old, my mom came out to me as bisexual, followed by the phrase, I'm gonna be in a relationship with your father and his girlfriend. Yeah, my parents are Mexican and their third is white. So when they're all together, I call them tres leches. Guys, thank you. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jamisha Albo has returned. Hi, Jamisha.

[Jamisha Albo]

Tony Hinchcliffe. Mr. President.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you? Thank you, indeed. So you were adopted? Is that what I'm gathering?

[Jamisha Albo]

I was adopted, yeah. Only black person in my family and so the end of that joke. So When I was 18, my mom came out to me as bi, and then she entered a relationship with my dad and the girl that he was cheating on her with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that sounds about right. That's not even that crazy. I'm used to much crazier shit with comedians. That's actually a pretty balanced breakfast of a pretty. Of a childhood. Wait until 18. Normally when parents say bye at 18, they mean goodbye. Goodbye, don't come back. See you later.

[Jamisha Albo]

You had a little bit of infidelity. Infidelity growing up, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More than infidelity. My entire thing. My mom and dad cheated on their significant others for 11 years secretly while raising families. They were the out of each other. And 11 years into it, my dad nutted inside of my mother and she got pregnant. My dad assumed that she would have an abortion, but she decided to have me.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dream love child. The youngest by 12 years. So being told that your mom's by at 18 to me is boring. You know what I'm saying? Because I was up. I did the math when I was a kid and called them out on it. Anyway, it's a whole thing. There's many podcasts where I talk about. Thank you for sharing Demon seed. I'm the bastard of Youngstown.

[Jamisha Albo]

Okay. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, we knew. It's interesting that you were adopted by Mexicans. How did this happen? That is. That sounds different.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah, so it's like Mexican and Italian. Mostly Mexican. I have a lot of Mexicans that live in Fresno, California. But yeah, six years old. My mom just wanted a girl, so she got me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She wanted a girl, so that's the only request. She's like, I just want a girl. And they gave her a black girl.

[Jamisha Albo]

A black girl? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's kind of like a fucking raw deal.

[Jamisha Albo]

2001.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn. Can I have a. Can I have a. Can I have a second draft pick here? The Mexicans are shaking their Heads at me right now. Oh, gosh, I love it. So what was it like being raised in a Mexican household?

[Jamisha Albo]

Good. A lot of tamales. Yeah, I'm recently. And I used to smoke a lot of weed, so I've replaced rolling blunts with rolling tamales now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it. Did you have brothers and sisters in the household?

[Jamisha Albo]

I do, yeah. So when I got adopted, my mom had a son from her first. We'll call it Encounter, who lived in Fresno. And then when I got adopted, I had a brother who's my age, so I'm 30 now. He's 30 as well. And then I have a little brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your brother came out of your mother's vagina?

[Jamisha Albo]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So why did they go shopping for a kid when she could have made one?

[Jamisha Albo]

No, she was also so pregnant when she adopted me, so I don't. She really just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, John. Dee's senior black correspondent on the show has something to say. What were you gonna say, John? That's the wrong microphone, John. What did you say? Okie dokie. Real great stuff, Dee. You get a little bit stronger every week at this show. No, I'm kidding.

[Jamisha Albo]

We love John. No. So, yeah, so she was pregnant with my little brother when she had me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then the band loves it when Deez fucks up. They're having their own side tables right now. Fucking love that shit. The band leader, John Dees. Okay.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah. So my mom was pregnant with my little brother when they adopted me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would possibly make a woman try to get an extra child while she's pregnant?

[Jamisha Albo]

I asked her, right? I was like, why did you decide to adopt me? And the only reason was because she wanted a girl. So that was it.

[Simon Perkovich]

Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she found out she wasn't having a girl. She found out the thing inside of her belly had a penis. I mean, does she even like the boy that's the same age as you? I love.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Jamisha Albo]

Hates me. Loves.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Loves the boy. Why does she hate you?

[Jamisha Albo]

I was a piece of shit growing up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Yeah.

[Jamisha Albo]

I would lie. I would steal. I know I'm nice now, but I was a fucking terror.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So even if you're raised by a different race, You still steal and lie. We're learning it's nature, not nurture. You're figuring it out here tonight. Deez is not smiling at this at all.

[Brian Red Band]

And this is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This was before. Mothers can make their boys girls if they wanted to. Yeah. You.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Yes. This was. This was pre trans.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yes, Pre, pre trans. My. My adoption. I've been a little Bit more into, like, the technical terms of my adoption. And it. It's called a transracial adoption when you're the only different race in the whole. Yeah, trans. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tommy Po. Who's calling it that?

[Jamisha Albo]

What's that?

[Seth Shepherd]

Who's calling it that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's what? Who's calling it a transracial? I thought it was just an adoption. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Where'd you be?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where did you learn that term?

[Jamisha Albo]

The Internet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, they'll just call anything trans nowadays. What did you steal when you were a kid? You said that you was I. Food.

[Jamisha Albo]

Surprisingly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of food?

[Jamisha Albo]

Anything, really. I was very. What do they call it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, food.

[Jamisha Albo]

Insecure as a child. So my birth mother was a drug addict and an alcoholic, so I was just like, how did you find that out? My mom, my current mom, and my foster parents. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So they told you. They're like, you're lucky you're with us.

[Jamisha Albo]

Well, so when I. I got put into foster care when I was three. So when I got to foster care, they found an std. Not trying to brag you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, you had an std When I was three years old. Three?

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You dirty slut. Jesus Christ. Wow, that is incredible. Oh, yeah. Tommy's going in for that hepatitis bet. Oh, yeah, look at this. You got that KFC hpv. Okay, shut up. We're having fun here. How often do you get to make black STD as a baby? Jokes. Come on. She needs love, dude. Oh, thanks.

[William Montgomery]

She need a tough hug from a whop.

[Sean Gardini]

Oh, greasy dego fucking hug.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How'd that feel? You may have given her a WASP stepdad, right?

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah, my neck is a little. It's a little wet, but so, yeah, so basically my birth mother had passed out on the couch and I just, like, left. And then the cops picked me up. And then from then on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And look at you now.

[Jamisha Albo]

You're full time comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love it. You love this game all the time. I noticed that you sign up all the time because I see you before the show because you get to perform in the little boy. There's a lot that goes on here. Some people you see more than others around.

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adam, you get the booker likes you. It's been a long time since you actually got pulled out of the bucket. Yeah. We're happy to have you. You already have a big joke book.

[Jamisha Albo]

It's filled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. I love it. You want another one?

[Jamisha Albo]

Please.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got it. Jamisha Alba. Boom. What a great catch. Hell, yeah. She can catch a joke book. She can catch an std. She can catch everything. Ladies and gentlemen, it's unbelievable. The stylings of Jamisha Albo, raised by Mexicans, still catches leather like a black person. Amazing. That's a football joke. It's a football joke. For those of you trying to clip things to make me look like a racist, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Coal Castle, everybody. Coal Castle.

[Cole Castle]

I like to have the TV on during sex, but you gotta be careful what show was on while you're doing it. Cause the only thing worse than finishing quick with a girl is finishing quick than hearing a laugh track immediately after. Now it just feels like a whole audience is degrading me. My go to genre to have on during sex. True crime. Because at least if I give her a bad performance, she can look at the TV and see some girl getting raped and murdered. And I can go, hey, could be a lot worse for you, huh? It's like, yeah, I didn't make you come, but you do get to go outside again, so count your blessings, all right? I was drinking with some family a couple weeks ago. My cousin with down syndrome came up to me, goes, hey, Cole, you should stop drinking. It's not good for you. And in my head, I was like, I'm not gonna stop drinking tonight until I'm on your level, little cuzzo. I also wanna be drooling on myself at some point. That's when I realized getting drunk is just microdosing down syndrome. There's a lot of similarities, you know? You're harder to understand. You eat more, you fall more, and no one's gonna trust you behind the wheel. So a lot of similarities, I think. I don't know. People start drinking and say, let's get fucked up. I say, let's get fucked downs. All right, thank y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Cole Castle. Very good set. How's it going, Cole?

[Seth Shepherd]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on this show before?

[Cole Castle]

Yeah, I was on a few months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, that. Did this go better than the last time, you think?

[Cole Castle]

I think it went about the same.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah, we'll see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah. Things could change.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, no, it already happened. We did. See.

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah.

[Cole Castle]

Okay. Well, you know, there's the interview, but, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, that's a good point. You're in it right now.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Have you had a broken nose before?

[Cole Castle]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Just looks like that.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn, that's.

[Cole Castle]

Appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're. Well, yeah, you're right. The interview, he's a long.

[Cole Castle]

I'll try to face you so you wouldn't, like, notice, but. Oh, yeah, Just seeing Someone so.

[William Montgomery]

Fuck.

[Sean Gardini]

You ever been hit by a car? What's this about? You got an excuse for that fucking face? That's crazy.

[Jamisha Albo]

Cole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing standup?

[Cole Castle]

Just at one year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One year? What do you do for work?

[Edgar R]

Sales.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you selling?

[Cole Castle]

I sell insurance to financial advisors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds terrible.

[Cole Castle]

It's not. I mean, I work from home. My, like, you know, my co workers are cool. That's really all I care about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Since when do all these things work from home? The pandemic.

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They just let everybody stay there?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Cole Castle]

I mean, after the pandemic, it's like they can just hire. Like, our office is in Florida, so it doesn't even matter. Like, I could.

[Sean Gardini]

Another sad story.

[William Montgomery]

Are your parents Mexican, too?

[Sean Gardini]

Can we pick it up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How old were you when you got your first std? I was.

[Cole Castle]

I went to Texas Tech. So Raider rash was a real thing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. You got that little.

[Sean Gardini]

Keeps going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got that little red raider in your pants, huh? Yeah.

[Cole Castle]

I thought it was a joke that I do watch out for raider ash. And I was like, yeah, all right. What does that mean, Raider Rash? It's basically like chlamydia at Texas Tech. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you got chlamydia?

[Cole Castle]

Yeah, they just said raider rash. It was std. But then, like, dude, everyone gets chlamydia there. Wow, dude. Yeah, I was like. I was studying finance, which is, like, kind of hard, but, dude, I couldn't even pass a test at the clinic. Those were the hardest.

[Sean Gardini]

You make me want to shave my mustache, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing. That is amazing. Cole, when's the last time you got an std?

[Cole Castle]

I don't know. If you don't get tested, you don't have one, so it's been a while.

[Sean Gardini]

I don't know.

[Cole Castle]

Probably since college, I think. Yeah, I got tested, like, a year ago. I'm good to go. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Cole Castle]

That's good. A year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You talk a lot about sex during your act. You have a lot of it. You have a steady girlfriend or.

[Cole Castle]

No, no, no, dude. I feel like I just can always come up with bits for during sex.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

During sex? Yeah.

[Cole Castle]

Or like, after. I'm like, if I can't write, if I have writer's block, I'm like, let me just bang someone, and then I could probably get a joke out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever. Have you thought about doing other things and writing jokes about it?

[Dusty Keith]

No.

[Cole Castle]

No, just sex right now. Just sex.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah. Riding that wave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Do you have any special maneuvers in the bedroom that you use on the ladies the old coal castle. The old sand castle. The old fucking cold trickle.

[Cole Castle]

No, I'm just. I'm really good at, like, the pillow talk after, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, sex.

[Cole Castle]

All right, but, like, I'll hold a mean conversation after and, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Cole Castle]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true?

[Cole Castle]

Yeah, Like, I think, like, the sex is all right, but the pillow talk is, like, all right, I'll hang out with that guy again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? Let's get Heidi up here. I want to see what this guy's pillow talk is like. Do a little. The lovely Heidi. Always an intimidating force when looking directly in a man's eyes. So you just fucked Heidi, Which I'm guessing is literally now I have to get tested. Yeah. So you and Heidi just fucked. You guys are laying down. Let's get a little example of your amazing pillow talk.

[Cole Castle]

Heidi, thank you for having sex with me tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very welcome. Your Make a Wish has come true. He won.

[Jamisha Albo]

He won.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep it going. Keep it going.

[Cole Castle]

So, like, do you, like, play Fortnite or, like, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I really love Grand Theft Auto.

[Cole Castle]

Grand Theft Auto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You probably always take the hookers and

[Juanita]

fuck them in the car, too.

[Cole Castle]

Yeah, I usually just kill them, actually.

[Sean Gardini]

All right.

[Cole Castle]

You're pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, I understand. I understand why you get the ladies.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Cole Castle]

Okay, cool. What are you doing after? Well, we just had sex, so give me, like, 30 minutes and, like, a Powerade, then, like, what are you doing later?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I can make you a Powerade.

[Cole Castle]

Oh, you can make Powerade?

[Jamisha Albo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cole Castle]

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'll try some of your Powerade.

[Edgar R]

Yeah.

[Juanita]

Okay.

[Cole Castle]

What color?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably blue. Blue.

[Cole Castle]

Okay. Yeah, I can do some blue. Heidi. Powerade.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What a master of pillow talk you are. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? Cole, what kind of joke book did you get last time you were a big one. You got a big one. There you go. There he goes. Cole Castle. Everybody on to the next one. You don't need to shake hands, Cole. There you go. All right, back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, this looks like a new name. Make some noise for the Kiltoni, I do believe debut of Simon Perkovich. Simon Herkovich. Here we go.

[Simon Perkovich]

What's up, everybody? Let me gauge the room. What do we think of trans athletes? Boo.

[Martin Phillips]

Why?

[Simon Perkovich]

I love trans athletes. Trans athletes are the best thing to ever happen to women's sports. Yeah, case in point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right now.

[Simon Perkovich]

Now we're talking about women's sports. Look at the ratings. Did you guys know there's a wnba? We haven't cared this much about women's sports. Since the 20s. And back then it was like, dude, should we let women play sports? Now it's the 20s again, and we're like, bro, should we play women's sports? And I feel the ladies pulling away.

[Brian Red Band]

I get it.

[Simon Perkovich]

You're mad. Cause you're jealous. You know, we make better women than you. We've got stronger legs, we're faster. We got bigger dicks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's me, Simon Perkovich, going in on Trans Athletes. Welcome to the show. This is your first time on, right?

[Simon Perkovich]

First time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would remember a perk of it if I've heard one before. How long you been doing stand up?

[Simon Perkovich]

Like, three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Simon Perkovich]

Telluride, Colorado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What's it like up in Telluride?

[Simon Perkovich]

It sucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah?

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah, Telluride sucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't ski there.

[Simon Perkovich]

It's a terrible resort.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Simon Perkovich]

It used to be really cool. It was like a hippie ski town. Now it's like Oprah lives there and, like, they turned every cool thing into a condo.

[Edgar R]

Ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were they, kind of like Austin? Yeah. No, Austin's amazing. You're right.

[Simon Perkovich]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. We don't know what you're talking about. City's great and Oprah is nowhere to be found. That's true. So does Oprah actually live there? It seems like that would be a slippery slope for her, for her very unhealthy body to.

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah, I don't think she can breathe up there. And we've never seen her. But she's got the biggest property in our area.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. Just in case the shit hits the fan, there's place for her to escape to. Luckily, that won't happen because. Anyway, I'll just keep going on. I want to get political here. That's me avoiding politics for a change. So, Simon, tell us more about you. What do you do for work?

[Simon Perkovich]

I was a bartender. Now I'm trying to figure it out. I want to work for farms and stuff around here. I went to the farmer's market. Just dropped off my resume with a bunch of people. Haven't heard anything back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of farming do you want to do? Yeah, do you know what I used to. What year are you in?

[Simon Perkovich]

25. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1925. Very good farming is an option. What are you talking about? Have you ever farmed before?

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah, I used to be a mushroom farmer. I'd grow, like, medicinal mushrooms. I worked on a pig farm. I've worked on an apple farm. Organic stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. You're a little hippie dippy, huh?

[Simon Perkovich]

I'm a Little hippie dippy. I think that if you don't make food in some way, you're kind of useless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Sean Gardini]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how I feel about other people. Yeah. Other people should make my food.

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's where you come in. That's what I do, and that's not what I do.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I eat the food. Mm. I drink your milkshake. Yeah. Tell us more. How long have you been in Austin, Texas?

[Simon Perkovich]

I've been here since Halloween. So it's been, like, two weeks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Halloween. Did you dress up for Halloween?

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah, I have this, like, robe that I do drugs and walk the desert in, and it kind of looks like the dude. So I was the dude for Halloween

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

with arms wide open. Jesus. We just got in a whole episode demonetized for me singing one line of that song. That exact line. No big deal. Just a quick hundred thousand bucks down the train. Thank you, Tommy. Wasn't even a dude joke. Just switched it to Creed. And it's okay. We'll bleep it. We've learned to bleep it. We have to bleep all the time now, which sucks. Oh, look at that picture of red band happening over there in the corner. I love this. Very rarely do I get sidetracked by the artwork, but I've never seen anyone draw red band so spot on before. Look at that. Absolutely nailing it over there on the left side. That's what you look like, dude. That's what you. I thought that was a mirror for a second, somehow reflecting your perfect face. That's what. Red bed. Add a little more weight on the cheeks. Unbelievable. Chris, nailing it over. Salute to you. I love it.

[Dusty Keith]

The.

[Brian Red Band]

The.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The paint ads. Oh, my goodness, Simon, you are so. You have so much charisma that a painting just took over the show while

[Jamisha Albo]

you were up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about you. What's the most interesting thing about your entire life?

[Simon Perkovich]

Most interesting thing about my life?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a theme to tonight's show because the first comedian got her first STD at 3 years old. Have you ever had an STD before?

[Simon Perkovich]

No, not yet. You know what? I do have something weird on my dick, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Simon Perkovich]

I. Has anyone heard of lichen sclerosis?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Tell us more.

[Simon Perkovich]

Okay. I tell people it's a birthmark. It sucks. It's Latin for it looks like there's lichen on your cock, and it's just like. It's just, like, pale. It's just a little whiter just on my dick, and it kind of grows a little Bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, fucking disgusting. It is, yeah. Have you had a doctor look at it before? Or are you just out there on the farms just digging in dirt, fucking living your life?

[Simon Perkovich]

Yeah, I had my. How did my dad diagnose it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is your dad a doctor?

[Edgar R]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Perfect. All right. Well, Simon, very, very interesting. We're looking at it like. Is a condition that causes patchy, discolored thin skin and usually affects the genital and anal areas. How about your anal area now?

[Simon Perkovich]

I can't see all the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I might have to give it a look after the show. Perfect. Wow. What a disgusting looking disease.

[Dusty Keith]

Contagious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't get it. It's not contagious, but he. But we don't even know if that's it. It could very easily be anything. You just think it's lichen syndrome.

[De La Stoner]

Yeah.

[Simon Perkovich]

So if you're a doctor, it could, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Cole, you're leaving here with a medium sized joke book. The audience laughed at your set, but trans athletes is kind of a. Kind of an easy subject. I want to hear you talk about more. Maybe more about your life now next time or something. Real perspective. There you go. Simon Perkins, for sure.

[Simon Perkovich]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. On to the next one we go. You guys having fun out there? Do you get it? You're in it. Anything can happen. Last week we had.

[William Montgomery]

We.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We coined a brand new golden ticket winner. I mean, anything can happen. Your next comedian goes by the name of Seth shepherd, everybody. Seth shepherd, your fourth bucket poll. Fifth comedian.

[Seth Shepherd]

Howdy, everybody. My name is Seth Sheppard and I'm from eastern Kentucky. Being from such a place means I come with an accent. An accent, mind you, that is mildly inconvenient, depending on the circumstance. For instance, I know a fair amount of Spanish. I just try not to speak it because it just sounds like a hate crime coming out of this mouth. Buenos dias, senor. Means, good day, mister. Coming for me, though, it sounds about as friendly as the soft crackling of a burning cross. Thank y' all so much. This is almost a dated joke, I guess because the election is over. But did y' all hear about the mechanic shop that the Harrison Waltz campaign Keep Going. Was trying to come out with? They mostly do electrical work and radiator work, but their real specialty was rebuilding trannies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Very tranny heavy episode tonight. Set. Shepherd, welcome. Seth, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Seth Shepherd]

This is less than my 10th time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Less than my 10th time. Look at you. You sound like a guy that's like 50 years older. Than you. How old are you?

[Seth Shepherd]

I'm 27.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God damn it. God damn it, Tony. I'm. I'm only 11 years old. I've been sounding like this my whole goddamn life. My first words were, objection.

[Seth Shepherd]

My dad gave me my first cigarette when I was four.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true?

[Seth Shepherd]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at this episode. STDs at 3, cigarettes at 4. What the fuck? This bucket is contaminated tonight.

[Seth Shepherd]

He said if you keep puffing, it won't go out. We're a Marlboro family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. That is the most Kentucky shit I've ever heard of in my life. Do you still live in Eastern Kentucky?

[Seth Shepherd]

No, sir. I moved here the end of September.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, by God, the end of September. Unbelievable. We went from the dude to the guy that narrates the Big Lebowski, and that was the story of the Dude.

[Seth Shepherd]

I have always wanted to do voiceover work. Yes, sir, you could.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a great narrator voice. It is incredible. Powerful stuff. So what the hell was I gonna say? What? How long ago did you move here again?

[Seth Shepherd]

The end of September. I was working a dog shit job and just didn't get time to get up on stage. I quit it last Saturday. Paid rent up to the end of January. So boom. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. So here you go. What's your living situation? What are you living in?

[Seth Shepherd]

Studio apartment by myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. You have a job here yet?

[Seth Shepherd]

I quit it last Saturday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You quit the job here in Austin?

[Seth Shepherd]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that job?

[Seth Shepherd]

It was a general manager spot for a. A chain pizza restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the chain?

[Seth Shepherd]

Papa John's. It was awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yep. Papa John. It's falling downhill. You would know our senior pizza correspondent, Brian Redband. Since Papa left, it's not the same. Yeah. Yep. Papa's got a brand new bag. Absolutely incredible. How have they fallen off exactly? Senior pizza course. It's just not the same anymore. It's bad when Domino's is beating you. Wow. What's the edge? It's just. It's just less garlic sauce. Yeah, I think it is. They don't have. The peppers are all, like, you know, horrible now. They're not saying the N word anymore. Yeah, no more N words. The peppers are bad. If we only knew a farmer that could help them with that. So, Seth, what are you looking to do now? You're done. You're done being a GM at Papa John's. What's next for you? What kind of job are you looking for?

[Seth Shepherd]

My rent is paid up to the end of January, so I'm hoping For a job at maybe one of the clubs or if there's a farm locally that needs pigs killed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've got guns. There's a lot of fucking farmers here tonight.

[Seth Shepherd]

Yes, sir.

[Cole Castle]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Do you have experience farming?

[Seth Shepherd]

Yes, sir, we grow. Back at dad's house, we grow whatever you can think of. Mushrooms, watermelons, anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why'd you say watermelon? Second,

[Seth Shepherd]

I've been trying to work on a joke about how I get asked a lot of the same questions as inner city black kids because I'm from Kentucky and everybody's like, how often do

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you eat fried chicken? I'm like, oh, I love the voice that you have for normal people. That was incredible. You really think very low of us. Of us non accent people. Well, where can I get some fried chicken? Make us sound like real dumbasses. Deep Madness has to take a watermelon break now. Thank you. Racist. Oh, he said watermelon. Oh, my God.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At a political rally. Oh, God. He heard it twice and was like, I got to get out of here. I love it. So what do you really think? I mean, you're not going to get a job farming? What. What can we really do for you?

[Seth Shepherd]

Anything need be done. I'm trying to get a job over Mr. Red Band's club.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mr. Redband. I've never heard him be called that before. Been working with this. He used to call me that at Papa John's every time I. Where's your noise? Give me your noise. That's a good one. Where's it at? There it is. Mr. Red Band. Oh, my God. Make sure those peppers are extra peppy. Mr. Redband put in an order. Why don't you help this guy get a job? Did you put an application in?

[Seth Shepherd]

Yes, sir. I sent it to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, I'll remember and see. I don't know if we're hiring, but why don't we just say it? Next person to get fired and that needs to get hired. Let's move them to the top of the list. They might be hiring, so I don't know. There you go. I'm gonna make sure somebody gets fired there in the next couple weeks. I can't remember. How was your fucking set? Kentucky. And then I wrote the letters SA Big. Welcome to the welcome to Austin, Seth Big joke book. Fill it up. I don't know what's going on anymore. Such a compelling interview. Seth Shepherd. His name's getting written down by Red Band. The motherfucker's gonna end up at the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. And you're gonna see him one day, and you're gonna go. I remember. That's the guy with the thick old accent. All right, is our guy ready over there? Yeah. Great. You guys are in for it. This is it. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. Not easy at all to move the crowd once a week for 60 seconds. Basically gives you an hour special every year. He's a prodigy. At his age, at his experience, to be this goddamn good, this cool, and such a great friend. Make some noise for the great and powerful Cam Patterson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

That last guy had, like, a slave owner voice. It was very terrible. You know, it's crazy. I went to a. I went to a Colorado Buffalo game recently, and I had on. I had on the uniform. I had, like, a jacket on. And a bunch of white people just thought I was a recruit. And that was the funniest shit ever. They're like, he can't be here to read. It's not a reader. This a running back, nigga. This is crazy. And it was cool. Cause I was in line the whole time. Like, one lady was like, are you gonna go here? You gonna come here? I was like, I might. I'm thinking about it a little bit. I got three schools lined up right now. It's Florida, Georgia, and here. You feel me? And then she was like, but you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

can't beat these views.

[Brian Red Band]

And I wanted to be funny, so I was like, you can't beat the white bitches. And then I walked off, and she was very confused. She was thoroughly confused. I also watched the Mike Tyson fight, and that was terrible. But listen, my favorite part about the whole fight was before, when they asked him how the fight was gonna go, and he said, vicious victory. And he turned around and his ass was out, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you know what's crazy to me?

[Brian Red Band]

Anybody else in this room, as a grown man, in a room with other grown men, you have your ass out. That's gay, right? But for Mike Tyson, that might have been the straightest shit I've ever seen in my life, dog. It was crazy. I'll tell you one thing. The cameraman, right? The cameraman, when he turned around, it was like a full view of the room, right? And then he zoomed in on his ass. Now, that guy, gay as fuck, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's.

[Brian Red Band]

I been. Cap. Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Appreciate.

[Brian Red Band]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is how you do it. What's up? Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

That was fun, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is good.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm happy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Done it again. Talking about your weekend in Colorado and Topical stuff. You take what you do and what you see, and you immediately recycle it into great material. 100% a machine. You were in Colorado on Saturday?

[Brian Red Band]

Hell, yeah. I was there since Wednesday. I did seven shows, thank y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Brian Red Band]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah. Seven shows.

[Brian Red Band]

A real bless her, bro. Real shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. You got to meet Deion.

[Brian Red Band]

Hell yeah. I froze like a motherfucker, boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You what?

[Brian Red Band]

I froze like his manager, a big friend. Like, he liked the show and shit. So, like, he said, come out. You know what I'm saying?

[Simon Perkovich]

Who's the fan?

[Brian Red Band]

His manager. One of his managers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Red Band]

And so I went to the. I seen everything, dog. And I met him, and I was like, what's up, Mr. Dion? I was saying I was sense, like, I could have got cut from the team, nigga. I was, like, really nervous, but I was happy. I was happy to be there. You feel what I'm saying? That shit was dope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I only know you met Dion cause I got a text from your dad, who always updates me on the highlights of your career when you're on the road. I was on the road at the same exact time doing a show in Southern California to an amazing, amazing time. Shout out to Fantasy Springs in Indio. Had a big, big, crazy, extremely Latino turnout. Anyway. And I get a text from your dad, who always updates me. You know, he just did this. He just did that. Thanks to you. And so what was Dion, like?

[Brian Red Band]

So the funniest shit my dad, you know, that's like, my dad hero. So my dad was like, I'm gonna talk to him. He was on the plane, like, thinking of, like, a plan what to say. And he got there, he was like, hey, Deon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, prom Tom.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm ready. And then Dion was like, for what? And my dad was like, I ain't think that far ahead into the conversation. I want you to on ready. I want you on ready, Reddy As. That's all it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did your dad and Dion compare their up feet?

[Brian Red Band]

No.

[Sean Gardini]

They should have.

[Brian Red Band]

That have been funny. That have been funny as. But you know what's funny? My dad got his toe done. We talk about it so much, he got pedicured. Yeah. So people to see him, they don't. They don't look bad no more. He don't got, like, slave feet no more. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't believe a pedicure saw that. He needs a chiropractor on those feet. Crack those toes back to where they belong. They were pointed every direction. There's no real way for you guys done. It's really just for me and Cam. This whole.

[Brian Red Band]

I can get a picture.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We should. Do we have an old picture? Oh, hell yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Trust me. I found it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's zoom in on that pick. Like Mike Tyson's ass. I want the people to see. Exactly. I mean, the toes are just. They look like they're like. Like palm trees, like, growing out other directions.

[Brian Red Band]

They terrible dog. Mom always said if we got the same feet. You feel me? My mom would always say, if he didn't claim you as your son. As your son, then you throw your toes and that's how you get it done. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

You had the same feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The good news is I've never seen your feet. Even if you're wearing sandals or flip flops, you always keep socks on them. Absolutely. No. There's no way I'm having him pull those.

[Brian Red Band]

Nobody ever seeing my feet. Everybody's room would die right now, I swear to God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I don't want to do it. I don't want to find out. I don't want to find out. The cam is 5% Falcon. Is it good? I could tell De's kind of has up feet just by the way he's laughing at all this. It. It is a black person thing. It's not, like, racist to say a stereotype. That's true. I looking at a lot of Texans that drove an hour and a half to be here from the country just like, wait, what? That's a thing? But it's a thing, right?

[Brian Red Band]

They all look very confused. I mean, I, I, I would not agree or disagree. I'll tell you that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is a thing.

[Brian Red Band]

I have, I don't know, all black people feet. My mama got good feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I see no weird. Oh, the women. The women.

[Brian Red Band]

That sound pretty weird when I said it. My mama probably got good feet. I don't know it. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have a picture of those? Huh? No.

[Brian Red Band]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, no.

[Brian Red Band]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you crazy, Kevin? No.

[Brian Red Band]

My mama ain't got. She only got feet. She is floating. She has me floating. That's all she do. She float. She don't got feet. Titties on ass. She has a ray of sunshine. That's what my mama is. She a fucking expectant color of a person. She's not even real. She is a voice. That's all she is. She a voice. She not a real person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. You guys have seen Cam Patterson before? Tommy, Sean, of course I mean, do

[Sean Gardini]

you remember when I be you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh? Do you remember when I pretended to be you on that blindfolded show?

[Brian Red Band]

Yes. That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We did.

[Brian Red Band]

We did a dating show.

[Edgar R]

I don't think they were buying it,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to be honest with you guys. Let's see it. What was it like? Wait, explain the premise. There was a blindfold show. Blind dating show. Okay. All right.

[William Montgomery]

We'll pretend we're blind.

[Cole Castle]

Do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I mean, there's not much to it. I just walked out. I said, hey, everybody, I'm Cam Patterson. I'm wearing flip flops right now. I swear to God, I'm black as hell.

[Cole Castle]

I'm not white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And they weren't buying it.

[Sean Gardini]

I don't know why, but they weren't.

[Brian Red Band]

Somehow it didn't work. For some reason, they didn't like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We accidentally said they didn't like it right now either.

[Brian Red Band]

They don't enjoy it right now. Fuck wrong with you niggas? Y' all like, okay, they seem very scared now. Thank you, K. I got your back, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're fantastic. Every week, the hat gravitates farther to the back of your head. Something holding that on. There's not. There's not a pin. It's magic. It's black magic.

[Martin Phillips]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How is that staying on? Can you show the side angle to the humans out there? It doesn't really make any sense.

[Brian Red Band]

This match. I got good hair, you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I swear to God, we are three weeks away from that thing just being on the back of your neck sideways. Does it come with the wig? Huh? It's a come with the wig.

[Brian Red Band]

What the you talking about? Red, man. Do you mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at. Look at the picture of red band in the corner over there. If you want to feel he look dead. Hey, the late, great red band over there, that's him after being found in a river. Somehow his hat stayed on the whole time as well.

[Brian Red Band]

That's Rigamurtis, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What it is?

[Brian Red Band]

RTIs Rigam mortis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rigamurtis Rigam mortise.

[Brian Red Band]

Rigam mortis. That been kicking in?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Really? Let's see your feet. Let's see your feet. Thank you. I bet it looks like five dead ets. Remember, when he's in the water, I bet it looks like five of those.

[Brian Red Band]

You said ETS. Yeah, I'm 25. Never seen that movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

E.T. e.T. Yeah, E.T. yeah, ETS nigga, that's right. Absolutely extraterrestrials. And hell yeah. If you ran into E.T. i know what you would do. You would steal his Bicycle

[Brian Red Band]

n smoke ET that'd be cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is nobody like you, buddy. I don't know if there's anybody I love quite as much as you. The great and powerful Cam Patterson, everybody. All right. On and on we go. Where we stop. Who the knows? Oh, this is very exciting. This young lady has been on this show before. We are in for a special treat with a great interview and 60 seconds uninterrupted. This is the return of Juanita, everybody. Juanita is back.

[Juanita]

How many of you kill Tony? People are unvaccinated. Don't get it. Don't get the vaccine. I'm transgender now. Didn't happen until after a second booster into Bud Light. Drink shiner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep it local.

[Juanita]

Sometimes I like to go to gender reveal parties. And drown the room in negative energy.

[Brian Red Band]

You don't know.

[Sean Gardini]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Juanita, I gotta tell you, I was excited to see your name. You've been on this show a couple times before. I was excited to see your name because I was looking. Looking immediately forward to the interview and the jokes that were gonna happen. But I gotta tell you, that's the best minute you've ever had by far. Thank you. On the show, I love to see you doing. Acknowledging being trans, owning it and talking about it. That's fun. It's always interesting to me. And I think the last time you were on, if I remember correctly, you didn't quite cover it. Right. And I was kind of like. Like in the interview, trying to hint at talking about it. This time, it's guns a blazing. You're definitely trans.

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no doubt about it.

[Juanita]

I just thought it was really obvious, and then actually, like, Amy, it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. That's what I'm saying, is that it is.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's best that you acknowledge it instead of me going, so, anything else about you, Juanita?

[Juanita]

Be like, so, what does your dick look like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I. What does it look like?

[Sean Gardini]

Well, Tony, I'd say you're more of a Juan than Anita.

[Juanita]

How you doing this? That's my dead name. You nailed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a Juan.

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now you're Juan gone.

[Juanita]

Yeah. Juan is gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's it like? When did you realize that you prefer being a woman or you are a woman or whatever you. Whatever it is, is I'm a lady. Hell, yeah.

[Juanita]

Sort of. My entire life, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I was a lady. He's a lady.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Juanita]

My entire life since I was, like, a little kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Juanita]

It was, like, a huge Secret. And then I didn't actually transition until I was like 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how old are you now?

[Juanita]

36.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

36. And you've been in Texas for how long?

[Juanita]

Since I was six.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Where were you before then?

[Juanita]

I was born in Mexico.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, born in Mexico. And you're here. So you are a transplant. She went to prison. Hold on.

[Brian Red Band]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Seth Shepherd]

Sean, if she went to prison, she should have. She could have got it for free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true. Oh, cheaper in Mexico, though. Sorry, I don't want to get.

[Juanita]

Dude, I should have stolen more stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Juanita, what do you do for work Right now?

[Juanita]

I'm unemployed. Anybody got a job?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Juanita]

But I'm collecting unemployment. I worked for like a tech company doing translations and then they had the same translations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

[Sean Gardini]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you were translating Spanish to English. Okay. Incredible. What, are you looking for a job now?

[Juanita]

Yeah, like bartending or doing whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know how to bartend?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you. What do you. What. What's like one of your favorite drinks to make?

[Juanita]

Just like a classic actual martini, so stirred, not shaken gin, dry lemon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are there any special trans drinks that you make? Like a unsurely temple or a.

[Sean Gardini]

Or perhaps she makes a martini and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

pours into a mirror like light bottle.

[Sean Gardini]

What?

[Juanita]

I. I get my boyfriend to come in a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make a mean. Used to be a Manhattan.

[Juanita]

Next bar job. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Sean Gardini]

Express yourself.

[Brian Red Band]

Martin

[Sean Gardini]

Guy Smith.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I love it. I love it. Juanita. What else? What are some hobbies? What else are you into when you're not doing stand up comedy?

[Juanita]

I like doing impressions and I like to paint.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Juanita]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I said you don't say. God damn it, Gardini, you know I love you.

[Juanita]

No, I love you too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After this. Hell yeah.

[Juanita]

Hell, I'm kind of into gingers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're into ginger? I was just kidding.

[Juanita]

I hope not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's amazing. I love it.

[Sean Gardini]

Paint your back, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I gotta know these impressions. I gotta see some impressions from the lovely Juanita. So excited about this.

[Juanita]

What's her name? Nicole Tran.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you Nicole Tran from Kill Tony fame.

[Juanita]

I keep doing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I've never heard anybody do a Nicole Tran impression. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Juanita doing Nicole Tran, which, by the way, has the word Tran in her name. It's a fun fact for those of you hearing the translator transplant. That's a Tran doing Nicole Tran. Can't make it up. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Juanita doing Nicole Tran.

[Juanita]

When I was a kid,

[Brian Red Band]

we did

[Juanita]

not play Ding Dong Ditch. We just ditch our friend. Ding Dong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's very good. Very good. That is what Nicole Tran sounds like.

[Juanita]

I have a good Tyra Vera, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay. Who else? What else?

[Juanita]

Maybe, like, trying to think. Oh, like Jennifer Coolidge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's hear Jennifer Coolidge.

[Juanita]

I'm doing jokes right now. Ah, that one's not as good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, anybody else you can think of? Juanita? Nope. Nope. John D. Is throwing out a request. Which one? Samuel L. Jackson. There she is. It's kind of hard to just get thrown an impression, but we're throwing you.

[Juanita]

Let's see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're throwing it right at you. Juanita, do you know what a Royale with Cheese is? Wow. Do it again, but this time, untuck your. From between your legs. No, don't do it, Juanita. Don't do it. Juanita. You are so cool. There is, like, this. There's like, a, you know, a stereotype, I guess, out there that trans people are all woke and annoying and this and that and you and you.

[Juanita]

I get in trouble for being racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me about it, baby. Juanita, Juanita. What's your love life like? Tell us more. You're into gingers? I want to know what your butt.

[Juanita]

All right. The last experience I had is kind of embarrassing. I was barking for a show on 6th, and this really, like, kind of, like, handsome, like, younger guy, he, like, walked by and he gave me eyes and was like, you should go in our show. And so we let him in the show, and I performed. I got off stage, he, like, hugged me, and then. And then, like, made out with him. And he goes, I don't think Mithra's gonna like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't think What?

[Juanita]

He said, I don't think Mithra is gonna like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the. Mithra?

[Juanita]

That's what I said. I was like, who the fuck is Mithra? And he goes, oh, she's the goddess. Her and Yeshua, they guide me. I was like, are you homeless? And he was like, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, wow. Wow. Somehow he was no homo and no homo at the same time. That is incredible. Yes. Homo and no homo.

[Sean Gardini]

Would you say he was transient?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, absolutely. For those of you marking off trans bingo cards tonight, everybody's won. No doubt about it. It is bingo across the boards. So you made out with a homeless guy and then what happened?

[Juanita]

I sent him home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I have a more interesting one just outside. Back outside.

[Sean Gardini]

You kicked him to the curb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You sent them out.

[Sean Gardini]

I dropped him in his sharp shopping cart push him down a hill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It does seem like you have some. You know, you seem like, you know, an offensive line woman. So, like, do you. Do you throw boys around? Like, what are you. What's your style?

[Juanita]

I like the big ones. I like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like, you like big guys to throw you around?

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Juanita]

I have a more interesting one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Juanita]

Rick Diaz showed me what Vanish Mode was on Instagram. Showed me his wiener.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Well, I don't.

[Juanita]

I don't know if it was big or if it just looked big in his pan's labyrinth hand, choking it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Juanita]

But seemed big.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. It seems absolutely disgusting.

[Sean Gardini]

I'm fucking hungry as hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm starving. Poor Rick.

[De La Stoner]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, I'll tell you why he would do it. He's a little. Obviously a little horny European boy.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Juanita, do I have his golden ticket? Juanita. No. Juanita, what is a typical day like for you? How does it start? Do you wake up feeling like a woman? Or is it kind of like, are you kind of like, oh, fuck, another fucking Monday. Shit. God damn it. And you're like, time to do the thing again.

[Juanita]

I was gonna say, I do have Shania Twain as an alarm clock, just to remember.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Juanita]

Don't forget you're a lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Does it ever play in slow motion? It's like, feel like a lady. All right, Juanita, you have a joke book?

[Juanita]

I have a little one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, guess what?

[Sean Gardini]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Juanita, ladies and gentlemen. Good old Texas trans. You know what I'm saying? We big and bulky, help you move type of lady that'll help you move a couch. There we go. For those of you whose dicks have gone into your stomach, there's the lovely Heidi to bring it back out a little bit, the old piece of ginger after this trans sushi we just had up here. All right, make some noise for your next comedian. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Dusty Keith, everybody. Dusty Keith is next on Kiltoni.

[Edgar R]

Tony doesn't.

[Dusty Keith]

Tony doesn't seem to recognize my name. I couldn't forget those hot pink rubber clip clown lips if I tried. Damn, they haunt me, man. I get the shaky memory. Though her senses were rattled by many a headboard and man's pelvis back in the day during her whoring times. And she's transitioned since. I'm sorry to dead name you, but, yeah, like me and the frat gentleman were admiring her 2 dick mouth yet 3 dick throat. You know, we measure things with what we have on hand down in the south and In a fever, she slammed down her sea breeze, dislocated her jaw and enveloped the three thickest frat gentlemen in the room. It was one of those incredible moments where time seems to come slow down as things come together. I witnessed it then. It was a dingularity. If need be, Tanya here could dis cater jaw and envelop an entire frozen turkey. Let's all go down to the heb so you can show them your merchandise. Girl still got a few seconds, huh? She earned a good name back in the day. Maniconda. For those moments.

[Seth Shepherd]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Dusty. Keith. Was that about me?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that was confusing because there was just a trans person on stage. I thought maybe you were trying to riff about her. It was all completely.

[Dusty Keith]

She was on this big tall guy. The first day I was here five months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing you say makes any sense.

[Martin Phillips]

The girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just take your time. Breathe a little bit. Dusty. Yeah. Dusty, Dusty, Dusty. So what was that supposed to be?

[Dusty Keith]

It was just a story about back in the day, but I thought it'd be funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Back in the day, but a made up story. Made up story about back in the day with me?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How do you think it went, Dusty? Horrible, right? Do you do stand up?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing it?

[Dusty Keith]

I want to do. It's been a year and five months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Months. A year and five months. Where have you been doing it at

[Dusty Keith]

Raleigh, Richmond, Newport News.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you thought that to come out guns a blazing and tell a madeup story about me?

[Dusty Keith]

I couldn't forget those hot pink rubber clown lips. If I tried, I thought it would land, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh well, we heard you the first time. I know, I know, I know, I know me. I have clear brother. I have hot pink. Pink rubber clown lips is what you're saying. Okay. These look hot pink.

[Dusty Keith]

You look like Peter Pan kiss a rat trap.

[De La Stoner]

No, I'm.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. I don't know. I have. I have beautiful lips, Dusty. My lips are a very, very tough thing to make fun of. They're pouty. They're unbelievably beautiful. Very plump. Heidi's giving me a thumbs up, which means pretty good, Dusty. We're good. But you took a shot at it. What have you tried to write about? You came up here, bunch of self roast.

[Dusty Keith]

I've got like a bunch like I'm the Mr. Clean Wolverine for a sparkly clean murder scene.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, look. Yeah, you could have talked about you. There's some light chuckles happening.

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah, I actually have done pretty Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very, very light. Chuckles. Happening. What else? Give us another one of your jokes that you spent a year and five months writing.

[Dusty Keith]

I look like a Shrek saber tooth teleporter at accident, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh? All right.

[Dusty Keith]

I'm stressed. I'm shedding. I got low T. I look like Chewbacca on chemo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. You look. You moved the crowd. I know. I'm trying to help you here, Dusty. You came out here thinking you were going to crush the old king on his throne, and here I am showing mercy on you, Dusty. Here I am. Here I am.

[Dusty Keith]

I see you. I see you trying to cook up some things for the. This hairy balding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not cooking up anything. There's no real point in making fun of somebody that. You know. You're right.

[Sean Gardini]

Give it up for Bomb Marine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Did he write that?

[Brian Red Band]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I actually. I up. I up to. I up. Did he slide you a note? Dusty, what do you do for work?

[Juanita]

Work?

[Dusty Keith]

I'm a crossing guard over here, but I haven't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a crossing guard? Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, this is amazing. Oh, my God. Did you graduate from high school?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah, I got a bachelor's of science in applied physics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You graduated from college?

[Dusty Keith]

Worked for the Big three, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Lockheed Martin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened? I don't like war. Really? That's incredible, since you look like the guy from Platoon. No, not Platoon. God damn it. Did he write that? Oh, you son of a. It's the wrong movie. The wrong movie? Sometimes we slip up. What's the movie? I'm trying to think. Full Metal Jacket. Full Metal Chat. Not fucking Platoon. Son of a. Did he say you like porn? That's why he got out of it? I have no idea. Red Band. And it becomes a crossing guard.

[Cole Castle]

He doesn't like war.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. There you go. Thank you, Red Band. So, Dusty, I'm gonna get you out of here super soon. You gave up on all that? You don't like war, but you do like being a crossing guard.

[Dusty Keith]

Well, I'm just doing minimal stuff to get on here, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To get on here.

[Dusty Keith]

I thought I would kill, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. All right, Dusty. Well, when you say minimal stuff, that means you're doing something other than being a crossing guard.

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah, I'm doing minimal, like, superintendent stuff around this, like, bee cave place I'm renting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any jokes that aren't about the way you look or make year and five months. I want to hear one joke. I'm gonna give you a shot to do One quick joke.

[Dusty Keith]

It's kind of long, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, forget it.

[Dusty Keith]

There's a new Titanic coming out. It's not too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Forget it.

[Dusty Keith]

I'll keep it 30. The Titanic is coming out soon, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The What?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah, the Titan is being rebuilt, and it's better to, like, set off for launch. And everybody's too focused on, like, the worst day, the big treasure. But no one focuses on the greatest day of shark life ever, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, okay, here's a little joke book, Dusty. Wow. Amazing, even unfunny, all the way to the absolute last breath. There you go. Put the mic in the mic stand, Dusty. There he goes. Dusty Keith. I mean, how hard can you bomb? That is incredible. No bueno. Juanita is about to eat him alive. All right, let's get a little palate cleanser in here, ladies and gentlemen. This guy, not a regular, not a golden ticket winner. Just a character that I like to throw in the mix every once in a while. Some people love him, some people hate him. One of the most polarizing figures in the history of the show. But we're. As of last time he was on the show, we're watching him get better and better according to that. We'll see how it goes tonight. Make some noise for the one and only, the return of Uncle Laser.

[Sean Gardini]

We did it. Tony Hinchcliffe did it. He got Trump elected

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

boy.

[Sean Gardini]

Went all the way down to Mascot Square Garden. Okay, Talk about at the Republican Party. Talk about the Puerto Ricans Came back with a what they call a tiny joke book. That was crazy. Went all the way up there getting tiny joke book lit. Listen, I didn't know there was 500,000 Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania. I didn't know there's 500,000 Puerto Ricos in Puerto Rico, okay? Island of trash, remember? And I didn't watch the election. I was worried. It got a little hairy there for a minute, Tony, didn't it? I mean, my God. Only way I knew it was over, I saw Hinchcliffe crawl out of Rogan's garage and he. He saw his shadow. That meant four more years of Trump, you know, talking about. Now, listen here. One man's trash is another man's treasure. And I dated me a Puerto Rican there. And let me tell y' all something. UTI in Spanish is the same in English, okay? She told me she had two pussies. Well, that second one smelled like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Uncle Laser. Trying. Trying being able to do what Dusty Keith could not.

[Sean Gardini]

I. I feel like if you're gonna do it, do it clever. Come at him in a. I dated poor, clever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You said nothing I haven't seen in my Twitter mentions over the past two weeks. Adorable. Adorable.

[Sean Gardini]

He won. We're safe, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, we are. How are you, Uncle Laser? How's it going, buddy?

[Seth Shepherd]

God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's all hitting him at once right now. It's all hitting him at once. He should have done the other minute. He should have done the other minute

[Brian Red Band]

that he had planned.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I had.

[Sean Gardini]

I mean, look, we had to go out to Puerto Ric. No one talked about. I like, we got to come out. Somebody got to be the heel here. Can I get sip of beer, dude? Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, don't, Laser.

[Sean Gardini]

Actually, I'm sober, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're what?

[Sean Gardini]

Sober.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. No one believes you. Tell us about you. This is two comedians in a row talking about me.

[Sean Gardini]

I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you, Uncle Ladies?

[Sean Gardini]

I'm good. Listen, I did this. My hair. Well, I went to the Halloween party there. Where he's in la. Beverly Hills.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sean Gardini]

All right. Which is a little. Only Fans Halloween. It's $10,000. First place for Halloween costume. You know, if you got the best costume, it turns out. Put a little eyeliner on, bleach her hair not that far from Joe's eyes. Okay, so. So I went after it, right? And I'm like, I'm gonna get first place. Sure. But when I got there, it's like Onlyfans party. And this couple was dressed up like Avatar people. They in the blue and you know, I like to connect with their tails. You know, in the movie, this motherfucker took us to Alice. Cause he was inside of her the entire party, walking around. And I. And they put us on stage. I got like second place. And then the guy that threw the party with the pillow talk guy, he. They come out and he's dressed like Gene Wilder from Willy Wonka. And he got a couple midgets with him. They're dressed like Oompa Loompas. I said, this is cool, you know, and. And they can sing out. You know, they come out singing a song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make the story a little longer. Keep going.

[Sean Gardini]

Anyways, a platform came up. I know where 14 butt ass naked women come out of this platform. They start fucking and blowing these midgets. And I can show you the video. I'm not even lying. And I'm like, I have I taken too many drugs or not enough, you know, because it wasn't just a song. It was an hour and 45 minutes. And I got third place. And now I look like this. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sober. Too many drugs. Are not enough. But yet he's completely sober. You don't even realize you confess your sins. What's that on your arm? What do you got there on your elbow?

[Sean Gardini]

I got the tennis elbow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Sean Gardini]

And. Which is. I don't even like tennis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know,

[Sean Gardini]

I watched a goddamn Jake Paul and Mike Tyson fight and I bet my life savings on Mike Tyson, you know, and punch the TV because he didn't even show up. And listen, I, I'm gonna advocate for something Tony, real quick if you don't mind. Now hold on, hold on. Listen. I know he likes fighting them old men, okay? And that's fine if you're into that. I'm an old women, not a big deal. But we need a good old American boy that ain't going to throw a fight for no $20,000 purse. I get it too. I, I'd have look like half a Iron Mike if they going to give me 20 million. But I need somebody who's not swayed by money, okay? I need some good hard blooded American young man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To do what? To fight Jake Paul.

[Sean Gardini]

To Jake Paul. And to say no. To fight Jake Paul. So I brought a friend of mine out, if you don't mind. He's gonna call him out on a national TV right here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay? You have a friend?

[Sean Gardini]

I got a friend now he just retired, but he got a full head of hair now. And Jake Paul said he want to get an MMA. Well, why fight Conor McGregor at 34? Why not fight Cowboy Donald Cerrone at 42 year debate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. UFC legend. Future UFC hall of Famer Cowboy Cerrone, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. One of the all time greats, 48 fights under his belt. UFC legend, Cowboy Cerrone. Welcome, Cowboy. Thank you, Austin. I appreciate it it. Yeah. Is this true what I'm hearing? Are you calling out Jake Paul right now? I mean if the guy wants to come to mma, I'll gladly whip his ass, but I got, I. Wow. I am, I am coming out of retirement. I have two more fights under contract. So I want 50 UFC fights. That's the number. So I have two before July to get done and I'm going to go

[Sean Gardini]

out and give it hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And if Jake wants, wants to jump in line for the ass whooping train, he can jump on and give me all the money. Yeah, you heard it here. God damn. Cowboy Cerrone here in the capital of Texas. The baddest cowboy of them all. We're happy to have you here, Mr. Cerrone. An absolute pleasure and I'm looking forward to Jake Paul's response here I know he's definitely not going to want to go us UFC against you. Would you be willing to go boxing with him? No, I'm terrible at boxing. Have no head movement. No, I. I need to take him down. And I saw the McGregor fight. I know. You don't have to tell me. God damn it. God damn it. Well, Cowboy, it is such an honor. We've had some of the greatest UFC fighters ever do cameos and pop in on the show, and it's an honor to add you to the list. You, Jake Paul. You, Jake Paul. Make some noise for Cowboy Cerrone and Uncle Lazer, everybody. Come on, Cowboy Cerrone. Legend. You gotta pee, Go pee. It's okay. Sean Gardini about to pee his little pansies. I try to tell these guys, go pee before the show. You have to pee. You're doing good. All right, your next comedian, 60 seconds, uninterrupted. Right out of the bucket. We're gonna meet him together. Make some noise for Edgar R. Edgar.

[Edgar R]

So I've been sober. Sober for about a year. Thank you. I don't really have much going on with my life, so getting off drugs is probably the best thing I've ever done so far. But I don't know if you could tell, but I used to smoke meth. And don't knock it before you try it, because once you try it, you can't knock it. Yeah, I smoked way too much meth. But, yeah, I was just really hanging out with the wrong crowd. You know, just, I was always at, you know, the Trap House. And just, if you can imagine it, it's, you know, a dark, smoky room, not unlike this one. And as you pan from left to right, you see, you know, drug dealers, gangsters, homeless people. And then there's me in the corner with an acoustic guitar, a smile on my face, asking if anyone has any song requests. Did not fit in. But, yeah, thanks to that, I met my girlfriend online through Was one of those apps. It wasn't Bumble, it wasn't Tinder. It was. Oh, yeah, it was an Na Zoom meeting for Ex.

[De La Stoner]

I heard that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. All right. Edgar R. Hello, Edgar.

[Edgar R]

Hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi.

[Edgar R]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going?

[Edgar R]

Pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Excited. So you did math?

[Edgar R]

Yes, I did a lot of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long did you do it for? How old are you?

[Edgar R]

33.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're 33? How long were you on meth for?

[Edgar R]

Like, seven years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Seven years. Breaking brown. What ethnicity are you?

[Edgar R]

Salvadorian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

El Salvadorian. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Is that a. Is that a thing with the El Salvadorians? Oh, yeah, they love meth. Oh, yeah, you said it.

[Edgar R]

Yes. Yes, sir. I'm the poster child.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wasn't me. I don't with these islands anymore. Is it an island?

[Edgar R]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. I got myself on that one. So seven years. How does it start? How does a sweet little Edgar like you end up starting crystal meth?

[Edgar R]

Kind of, you know, you just hang around the right dive bar in San Fernando Valley. You know, just. They'll offer it to you over the bar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. See, we're just at the. Just at the wrong bar.

[Edgar R]

The wrong bar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, I. Talk about his outfit, dude. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's.

[Edgar R]

Let's talk about it.

[Sean Gardini]

Looks like he's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just woke up in a lost and found box. It is incredible. You're dressed for the cold every season, dude. And cold every. It really is. This is absolutely incredible. Do you wear hats like that a lot, Edgar?

[Edgar R]

Mostly for work and for fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, mostly for fun. I could see that. I could see that. You look like a sweet little Labradoodle right now. The old El Salvadorian Labradoodle?

[Edgar R]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Edgar R]

I'm a material handler for Tesla.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work at Tesla?

[Edgar R]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that.

[Cole Castle]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think you still work for Tesla?

[Edgar R]

Probably not after this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay.

[Edgar R]

So next week? I got one more week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You'll be fine, Elon. Musk doesn't like laying anybody off. The good news is it's a short rocket trip back to El Salvador. So, Edgar, you said you wear the hat for fun. What do you like to do for fun?

[Edgar R]

Used to be drugs, now it's. I play music and I try to do stand up as much as I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been playing music for?

[Edgar R]

Like, longer than the meth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What do you do musically?

[Edgar R]

I play guitar, bass, drums, and piano. I shouldn't have said that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which one do you do the best?

[Edgar R]

What was that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think you do the best?

[Edgar R]

Guitar and drums.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's do guitar. Let's get that guitar up here. We have a special guitar. We're gonna see if Edgar can play. Wow, this was fast this time. Great job. How about a hand for our amazing production team here? Yoni, Christy, Colt, Monica, everybody. Jesus, Josh, Aya, Heidi. Okay, you ready? Let's try to let him go on his own a little bit and then you guys join in whenever. But, like, give him a little bit. I want to see if this guy sinks or swims over here. My guess is he swims.

[Edgar R]

Oh, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You better sing too. You Gotta sing. What's going on? All right, hold on. Do you have anything. Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's. Hold on one second. YouTube does a thing where they flag everything and they. Literally, all the money from this episode's gonna go to Sublime if you continue to do what you're doing. Do you have anything kind of original? Can you do something? Do you do anything that isn't covers?

[Edgar R]

Yeah, I got some originals. I don't know if they're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, here we go. One, two, one, two. La la la la la la Bamba. All right, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm the sign.

[Edgar R]

But are you not giving up? Will I give up? Cuz I'm getting mixed signals. Cause I'm an un boy. Well, I'm not for sure. Cause I don't care. He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, you can go, river,

[Edgar R]

So leave it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, I'm gonna stop you there. That was. That was good. That was good. That was good. John, that's enough. That's enough. You're killing it, John.

[Edgar R]

I liked his song better than the Sublime cover.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, I know. That's true. Matt Muhling, who only speaks once every four episodes, just made a really good point that your original was better than the Sublime cover.

[Edgar R]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. There's the lovely Heidi to take your guitar away.

[Edgar R]

Thank you, Heidi.

[Brian Red Band]

Thank you, Ben.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Man, don't look at Heidi's ass like that, Edgar. Jesus Christ. You could have watched it on YouTube. You had to look like that live just like that. Boy, you really are into instant gratification. What are you, a former meth head?

[Edgar R]

No, still current. Like it never goes away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Do you still get the urge to do meth sometimes, Edgar?

[Edgar R]

No, I get more of an urge to sign up for Kiltoni.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How often do you sign up for Kill Tony?

[Edgar R]

Every week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been doing that?

[Edgar R]

Since I moved to Texas in February. Like, I missed some days because I work Monday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We don't do it on Sunday, so. That's perfect that you miss Sundays.

[Edgar R]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Edgar R]

No, I just meant, like, I work. I work a really intense schedule, so being here, I'm losing sleep, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. And that's amazing. So did you have fun? Was it worth it?

[Edgar R]

Oh, this is. Yeah, this is. It finally paid off. But I mean, it's not just for this one. Thank you. But who do you think that is

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that Chris is drawing over there in the corner? Do you want to take a guess?

[Edgar R]

Is it that gay guy who's always showing up

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that is the correct answer. It's the gay guy that's always showing up. Stop it.

[Edgar R]

Is it him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. He took a little bit off your cheek because you completely look like me now. He did. He added some green. He tried to take some of that cheek away. Now you look like you have Bell's palsy. It's just like a droopy. That's red band. If he would have just kept getting vaccinated. It was a couple. You were a couple vaxes away from that red band. Look at that. Oh, God, I'd love it if your cheek drooped like that. I love it. Edgar, before we let you go, craziest thing we would be shocked to know about you, other than. Than the meth thing. You ever have anything crazy happen? You ever almost die, save someone's life? Anything crazy?

[Edgar R]

Yeah, a lot of stuff. But, yeah, I got my car. I had a car rental when I was on meth, and I got jacked by some gangsters, and some other gangsters got my back, and we went at gunpoint to go get my car back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. God damn. God damn. Edgar, you have a wild life, my friend. Well, we are gonna start you off with a little joke book. Keep signing up right a new minute, and let's see what happens. Make some noise for Edgar, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're getting there. We're almost to the finish line. This looks like a fun name. I don't believe this person's been on before. 60 seconds, uninterrupted to what I do believe will be your final bucket of poll of the show. Make some noise for De La Stoner, everybody. De La Stoner.

[De La Stoner]

Yo, what's going on, everybody? Name's De La Stoner. I recently stopped smoking blunts. I decided to start smoking joints now, and. But it's weird, though. Whenever I hang out with some friends, they. They'll pass me a blunt and I'll grab it and I'll look at it. But, like, in my head, I don't want to smoke it, so I just pass it back to them. And so in my head, I'm thinking, do they think I'm racist? And it really doesn't help that my black friend is the one that's passing me the blunt. And I was like, damn, I think he may think I'm racist. The first time I told my mom that I smoked weed, I thought she was gonna be really happy about it, and it wasn't. She started crying and she told me, I wish you would have told me you were gay. Instead, I was like, wow. And then I had my aunt next to me, and she said, fuck, yeah, mijo. I'm proud of you. Thank you, guys. My time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dela Stoner. You must have been high as shit when you wrote that material.

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, I was high on some cheesecake when I wrote that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was. That's the type of marijuana where you were literally eating cheesecake. It could be either one. What is that on your hat? The world wants to know. Is that a weed grinder?

[De La Stoner]

No, this is a empty dab bucket for anybody that smokes dabs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You are a true stoner. And that is a joint behind your ear.

[De La Stoner]

This is a joint? Yep. It's a real hemp on the tip as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. And what is that inside of your necklace?

[De La Stoner]

This is fake dabs. So just decorations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this is your entire identity. Your name is Dela Stoner. Your minute was all about smoking weed. You're covered in paraphernalia. I mean, this is incredible.

[Sean Gardini]

He's like a joint that fell on a barbershop floor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?

[Edgar R]

The joints attached to the hat?

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, I got the real one in the bag.

[Seth Shepherd]

Oh, cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't. You can't smoke his hat, Deez. So dare I ask what you do for work?

[De La Stoner]

I recently just quit my job this summer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the job that you quit?

[De La Stoner]

I worked for Kohl's call center, did customer service.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kohl's the store?

[Dusty Keith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

K O, H L S. Yeah.

[De La Stoner]

If you're calling for customer service, we're getting this guy highest.

[Edgar R]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy. Just a bunch of moms. Like, I bought the wrong pant size for my husband pants. Do you have different pants?

[De La Stoner]

You have no idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're like, listen, I don't know what the you want me to do.

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, I used to put people on hold just to hit the bong real quick and then go back to taking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you do that? You did it from home Home. Or did you? You would be. You worked a Kohl's call center? Yeah.

[De La Stoner]

After Covet, we went home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[De La Stoner]

I was smoking really heavy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Quit that job. Did you save up some money?

[De La Stoner]

No, because I did content or I do content.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of content?

[De La Stoner]

Stoner content? Comedy content.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On what?

[Edgar R]

Tick Tock?

[De La Stoner]

Instagram, Facebook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make money from that?

[De La Stoner]

I make money from doing promos for, like, dispensaries and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you survive off that, or you still live with your family?

[De La Stoner]

Oh, hell no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you live it by yourself?

[De La Stoner]

I live with my girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what does she do?

[De La Stoner]

She works in collections In a call center.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. She also works in a call center.

[De La Stoner]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she a big stoner as well?

[De La Stoner]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[De La Stoner]

She's gonna hate that I said that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? Because, I mean, it would be crazy if she was sober. Yeah, right. And you covered in paraffinism.

[De La Stoner]

I would save so much weed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it seems like it. Is it true that you don't smoke blunts anymore or was that just all to be get to that racist joke?

[De La Stoner]

No, I actually really did stop smoking blunts back in February.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By racist joke, I mean joke about him being a racist. Not that it was a racist joke. There's no such thing as a racist joke. Just there's racial jokes, but by rule, if it's a joke, it can't possibly be racist. Just a little something. Just a little something to remember. Unless it ends in the nword.

[William Montgomery]

Not me anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dea stoner. So, I mean, geez, what would we be surprised to know about you? Is there any time you don't smoke weed when you. Is there times where, like, you forgot to smoke weed?

[De La Stoner]

I don't really smoke in the morning because I'll eat like a 500 milligram the night before so I wake up still high.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true? Are you exaggerating?

[De La Stoner]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, 500 milligram edible. You'll eat before bed. Yeah.

[De La Stoner]

And I just like, have fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just piss and all over yourself, like what happens? No, I can't even imagine.

[De La Stoner]

It's a lot of fun. It's one of my favorite things to do when I'm not doing. Doing like content or comedy just to get really high.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Say hunting.

[De La Stoner]

Comedy or content?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, comedy or content.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so a 500 milligram edible so that if you do that, you don't have to smoke in the morning because you're still high from the night before. So when do you typically have your first smoke of the day?

[De La Stoner]

Right before I gotta go get my girlfriend lunch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get your girlfriend lunch every day?

[De La Stoner]

Since I'm not working, I just sleep in. Yeah. Wake up high and I'm like, cool, I'll take a shower. Still stone. And then whenever she shower.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible. That's actually shocking.

[De La Stoner]

I'm a clean stoner sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is amazing. That is amazing. So again, has there ever been a time where you didn't smoke weed?

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, before I was like 21.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happens? What happens? Do you think what would happen? Let's just say you didn't do an edible tonight. What would happen if you went. Went tomorrow and just didn't smoke anything? What do you think you would think about. How do you think your day would be different?

[De La Stoner]

Oh, I would definitely think about weed, for sure. If I wasn't gonna smoke, I wouldn't go nowhere because all my friends smoke weed. And so I'm just like, well, you know what? My girlfriend smokes too. So I would just probably just chill in the car all day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just go to your car and sit in it, Just chill?

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, because I'll be tempted to smoke smoke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That would make you. That anybody would want to smoke weed if they're just sitting in a car. That's probably the worst thing you could do.

[De La Stoner]

Yeah, that's right. I probably end up smoking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's true. There's nothing you could do to not smoke weed. Red Band. How much a day do you spend on weed, would you say?

[De La Stoner]

Well, since I do content, not as much anymore because they kind of just like, give it to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever taken just like two or three days off to reset so you can spend like five bucks a day?

[De La Stoner]

No, not at all.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Like, I know so many people that smoke every day, like him, like, go crazy all day. If you just take a couple days off, you reset your tolerance. And then you could smoke one joint and be high as. Like, I always wonder why people don't. Have you ever thought about doing that with food? God damn. Let's check in with the picture of Brian Redburn over there. Oh, your eye got bigger. Your right eye is now bigger. It's drooping. It's changing. This is going to be the most famous piece of art in Kill Tony history. By the way, I think you. We're going to do. Let's do a live auction after this.

[Dusty Keith]

Taking dick off for a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Poof. No sound effect for you after that one. Dayla Stoner, I implore you. You gotta fucking. I want to hear jokes about things other than just weed. Like, it's cool and all, but you, you gotta have some versatility, you know what I mean? Like, you gotta have some range and stuff.

[De La Stoner]

So definitely work on that.

[Seth Shepherd]

Her.

[De La Stoner]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do not use this as rolling papers. There's a little joke book makes noise for De La Stoner, ladies and gentlemen. All right, this is it. This is the part of the show that I mean, this is it. This has been a full episode. We've done it, We've ran it. This is the part where I see the audience looking around, tapping their loved ones, making eye contact. Because this is the only way to possibly end an episode like this. It is with the record holder for all time appearances, all time interviews on this show. The man has done it all. Every single week, writing and performing a new minute for over long over half a decade. You know his parents, you know his brothers. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Virginia ham, the Delaware donkey, the Memphis strangler, the vanilla gorilla. This is the big Red machine. William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen.

[William Montgomery]

I watched, I watched the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight this past weekend. And say what you will about Jake Paul, but the guy works hard. I mean seriously, you already have. Has another Netflix event scheduled for May, but this time it's a one on one basketball. First to 20 wins 10 million. And his opponent is none other than Kobe Bryant. This is my impression of an alien outing them.

[Sean Gardini]

Shit. Fuck.

[William Montgomery]

Let me do that one more time. Let me start that one more time. This is my impression of an alien outing themselves as an alien. Doctor, I have a hairache.

[Sean Gardini]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

I heard, you know, like a person would say headache maybe, but an alien wouldn't know exactly what to say. I heard Santa might come early this year. The bad news, Boeing built his sleigh. Okay, that's my time.

[Cole Castle]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. So silly. So William Montgomery, right down the barrel. Boeing might build his sleigh. St. Nicholas Wicks, just, you know, you have grown into quite the specialist, topical evergreen jokes. Some of them will work forever.

[William Montgomery]

Was that a little chimpanzee and like it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, that lady was against you. It sounded like. It sounded like. There's a lady over there that doesn't like you. Lady. Show yourself.

[Edgar R]

Oh no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who was that? Who laughed like that? Raise your hand. We have a little coward out there, William.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, we got a little fucking bitch out there. Yeah, bitch. I mean seriously, what do you think? It's fucking easy yet. Tony. It's, it's my six year anniversary is in a couple of weeks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's in December, being on the show.

[William Montgomery]

So yeah, bitch. That's every fucking week almost for six fucking years. Yeah, you probably have never done anything thing in your life for six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is the basic equivalent basically of six one hour specials. I mean if you count the interview which usually runs probably about six to eight minutes. I mean one could almost say that that's fucking like basic.

[William Montgomery]

What's your take on that Red band?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you agree? 61 hour specials.

[William Montgomery]

What do you think? Redband?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you write more comedy than any comedian in the world, I think.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I'm trying. Sometimes it's a disaster.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know if you notice a disaster up here, but I don't know if you notice. He said he thinks you've read comedy more than anybody in the world. Meaning that you look off a note card. I didn't say that. You didn't say red? No. Oh, good. Monitors and audio issues up here because.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, we actually ate dinner together last night, so I would be very offended if you try to come in my

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

fucking ass right now. I bought dessert for you guys. Did you know that? Did they tell you that? Yes.

[William Montgomery]

Oh my gosh. It was a wonderful Bananas Foster. They lit it on fire in front of us.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah, it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People over there let me know that you guys were there. I said, let me buy them dessert. So literally the least I could do.

[William Montgomery]

Well, redband.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There was a moment there where I'm like. I'm like, maybe I should pick up the whole tab for these guys. But they said that there was another couple there and I don't know if they're haters. And then I found out, yeah, it's two of my other best friends and I wish that I would have, but I didn't want any. Fuck. I don't know if you guys are hanging out with fucking libtards over there, so I know you guys are a little bit.

[William Montgomery]

Tony, you gotta come with us next time.

[Cole Castle]

Would you.

[William Montgomery]

Are you inviting with us next time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you inviting me today?

[William Montgomery]

Yes, I'd love to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you?

[Martin Phillips]

Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really want it?

[William Montgomery]

It's been a little while.

[Sean Gardini]

We need to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many. You think I should have dinner with these guys next time?

[William Montgomery]

Seriously? I freaking invite his ass to church every Sunday. He doesn't come to church with me on Sunday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do at church? Exactly. Exactly.

[William Montgomery]

Hallelujah. A bunch of that. Such a hallelujah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

I grew up in a Pentecostal. An epis. Pentecostal church. I grew up with speaking in tongues.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And can you give us an example of the tongues that you speak in? Keep going, keep going. Alip who?

[William Montgomery]

No, I don't feel it right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you don't feel it?

[Sean Gardini]

I feel in a good mood, but

[William Montgomery]

I don't feel it right now because I've been in a kind of a crummy mood recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's more about this crummy mood you've been.

[William Montgomery]

Ah, well, I think it does start. Is that what is funny?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir? I'm having a good time.

[William Montgomery]

Like it's not fun feeling down. Do you ever feel down?

[Sean Gardini]

Every day.

[William Montgomery]

Seriously?

[Sean Gardini]

Yes.

[William Montgomery]

Is it cuz you're gay?

[Sean Gardini]

No, I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

I just. I like drag shows and you look like somebody before they dress into the woman like you look like. Cuz I can tell you'd be a good looking woman if you did dress up in drag. I could tell you'd probably be a hot woman.

[Sean Gardini]

Listen, you're right.

[William Montgomery]

So that was actually a compliment. It really was.

[Sean Gardini]

Okay, I. I got a. I got a compliment for you. Huh? I got a compliment for you.

[William Montgomery]

Okay.

[Sean Gardini]

How tall are you?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know. Six foot.

[Sean Gardini]

Six foot? Yeah. I wish I was six feet. And every inch of me looked like, like. Like the hue of a pig's asshole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, hold on. Just another arrow. I thought we were done. We were done.

[Sean Gardini]

I was smiling at you. That's fucking random shot. I don't know why you took a shot at me.

[William Montgomery]

Things. Fine. I just said I took a shot at you because, Tony, why? I haven't been feeling that well. You would be proud of me if you understood Call of Duty. And I know you don't, and it's smart that you don't, but. Tony, I've almost have diamond camouflage on 15 of my weapons right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's amazing, Willie. Absolutely.

[William Montgomery]

Diamond camouflage, 15 weapons. It's kind of a big deal. Deal. I've been playing so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How close are you to diamond camouflage?

[Juanita]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. You almost have it. Is that what you said?

[William Montgomery]

I have it on 15 of my weapons right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's kind of a. Oh, I don't understand anything that you're saying.

[William Montgomery]

It's a big deal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you beaten the game yet?

[William Montgomery]

No, it's like there's no beating a game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No end to the game.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, you just play online and you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's.

[William Montgomery]

You can play forever.

[Sean Gardini]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So the war just goes on forever. What is this, the Biden administration? I'm sorry, I can hear complaints already. Oh, political now. Trump said he doesn't even know him. Yeah, he had to say that, didn't he? Didn't he have to say that? Oh, we won anyway, no big deal. Are we good with that thing, Christy? Okay, ladies and gentlemen, William, I want you to stay up here because I want you to do something we've never done before in the show's history. Because, you know, sometimes. I'm gonna be honest with you. Sometimes we do this show every week. Sometimes I don't even. I forget to shout out Chris. Sometimes I don't even notice he's painting. There's so much going on. But tonight has been a special night, hasn't it? Red band. It's been a real special night. And William, for the first time ever. You know, this show is wild. It's very improvised. I want you to be an auctioneer for the first time ever. Chris, come out here. Chris Rogers, local artist. Wow, look at this. Wildebeest. Wildebeest of a painting. Oh, Brian, you look beautiful. It literally does look just like red band. I'm making jokes. There's. There's no. There's no right way to paint a red band. It is a tough face. It changes a lot. It's very round. Is that what you think that looks like? Like. Okay, can we. Can we turn up house lights just a little bit? Can you give it that red tinge for my stand up? There it is. All right, so here's what we're going to do. You actually have to have the money that you bid. You have to be honest about it. No lies. And, William, why don't you start it the bidding edge.

[William Montgomery]

Do I hear 50?

[Juanita]

$50.

[William Montgomery]

You're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lot of 50.

[William Montgomery]

Do I hear 75? Do I hear 75? Do I Hear a Hundred? Do I hear 100? Do I hear 150 again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You actually have to have the money.

[William Montgomery]

250. Do I hear 250s?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going, William.

[William Montgomery]

If they say yes, I have 300.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think someone's bidding up on the balcony.

[William Montgomery]

300. 350. 350.

[Juanita]

350.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, keep going higher.

[William Montgomery]

400. 400. 400.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

400. 400.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going, William. 450.

[Sean Gardini]

450.

[William Montgomery]

450.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to the world's worst auction. You have to keep going higher, William.

[William Montgomery]

450.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

500. He just said 500.

[William Montgomery]

500.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Somebody at the top.

[William Montgomery]

500. 550.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, is that cowboy Cerroni bid Sal 600. Holy 600. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is there anyone going to top who's. Who's going up against Cowboy Cerronian here?

[William Montgomery]

600. We got a 650.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All the men. All the men just crawled into the fetal position. They just got alpha by a man in the tower over here. Whoa. 650. Holy. We have a true fan. This guy wants something to be able to hang on his bedroom wall so that when he's about to come too fast fast, he can glance at it. This picture of Red Ban. Nothing will stop you from coming. Like thinking about this beautiful face of the man that I've worked with for almost 18 years.

[William Montgomery]

Okay, okay, so we're what? It was 650.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does anyone want to top 650? No way. Oh, my God. Cowboy just said seven. Who said a Thousand. You have a thousand? Jesus, Josh, just bet a thousand.

[William Montgomery]

Thousand?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. This is incredible.

[William Montgomery]

A thousand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. 1,000. Are you gonna compete with a thousand? Can't compete. Cowboys out. It's not worth a thousand. Wait, there's somebody who's got it.

[William Montgomery]

A thousand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

100. 1100 right now. 1500.

[Brian Red Band]

Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Josh says this is amazing. By the way, just to let you know, Chris, we're giving 20% of tonight's donations to the landfills in Puerto Rico. Just a heads up, they have a serious landfill problem. For over a decade, I'm one of the only people in the world that knew about it up until three weeks ago. Thank you very much. 1500. Anybody want to top 1500? You'll be a legend. You'll get a shot. What? Oh my God. 2000. Holy out of nowhere.

[William Montgomery]

2000 out of nowhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. What's your name, sir? Eli has bet 2000. Oh my God. Jesus. Josh is out. Okay. Jesus Josh is the guy that takes care of D Madness. I guess. He's clearly been stealing money from D's wallet. Red band's going to sign. Are you sure you have 2,000? Eli, you're a hero. Is there anything you want to give a shout out to or anything? Okay. A man of mystery. Anybody going to beat 2000? Going once, going twice. This is, I do believe, 200. No, $400 going to Puerto Rican landfills. $2,000 total. Sold to the great Eli for $2,000. Wow. How about a hand for Chris Rogers? Red band being a great sport. The legend Killer, William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. And we did it. How about a hand for Tommy Pope? Check out Stuff island with his co host, Chris O Connor. One more time for the great Sean Gardini. He's on tour. Cleveland, Buffalo, Baltimore, Tampa. Sha gini.com these are the dogs. The drawing from Ryan Je Belt is in. This is what it looks like. Thank you to Zipix and ExpressVPN. Here's some amazing Zippix nicotine toothpicks. We want to thank you, Zippix. This episode is indeed sponsored by Zippix. Who wants some? These are great on airplanes and whatnot. They are an amazing sponsor. We absolutely love them. Shout out one more time for the great cowboy Cerrone challenging Jake Paul tonight. Martin Phillips. Cam Patterson. William Montgomery. We did it again. Everybody up one more time for the best damn band in the land. Our guests, the comedy mothership business is booming. Big announcements coming. Make sure you buckle up and get ready for the H E B Center. Two sold out arenas two sold out arenas. At the end of the year that stream is going up for sale if it's not already very soon, you could buy the weekend package. Little Christmas gift for those of you that love your husbands or boyfriends. Get them the two night New Year's Eve package. Red band. Check out Jet's pizza. It's way better than Papa John's.

[Cole Castle]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Thank you everybody. We love you. Good night. God bless Texas and God bless the United States of America. Thank you.

[Dusty Keith]

Sa.