#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU

Summary

Kill Tony #696 – SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU

Date: December 17, 2024
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Guests: Dave Landau (comedian), Sketch (streaming personality)

Overview

This episode of Kill Tony featured a vibrant mix of new and returning comics trying their hand at 60 seconds of standup, followed by the signature irreverent panel interviews. The episode showcased the dichotomy of a veteran comic (Dave Landau) and a first-timer to live comedy (Sketch), adding a fresh energy to the banter. As always, the show was a mix of jokes, brutal honesty, wild personal stories, and supportive roast-style encouragement.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

Introduction & Setting the Tone (00:32–07:28)

• Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban hype up their upcoming New Year’s Eve double shows, promising an “uncensored” and “super annual” Kill Tony event (00:32–02:23).
• Brief comedic back-and-forth about “Harry Potter” spelling launches into playful, riff-heavy banter (03:22–04:31).
• Tony introduces his guests:
  • Dave Landau: 20-year standup comedy veteran newly moved to Texas (06:21).
  • Sketch: World-famous online streamer, appearing in front of a live audience for the first time (05:38), “This guy’s used to just sitting there, no pants on.” – Tony (05:41).
• Tony: “Tonight we’re gonna have a wild time—over 250 human beings signed up for the bucket.” (06:32).

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Golden Ticket Winner: Aya (07:32–15:52)

[Featured 1-Minute Set at 08:06]

• Aya’s Jokes: Navigating asexuality, broke college life, getting free tuition, and her diabetic father’s love of honey and dates.
  • “My dad also has diabetes, but I would never sell his insulin to pay rent.” (08:36)
• Interview Highlights:
  • Aya just graduated from UT Austin with a film degree (09:41).
  • Describes her dad feeding tasks to a meth-using white “slave” in the backyard and the awkwardness that brings (13:01).
  • The panel riffs on her family’s quirks, making light of deep topics with a supportive tone.
  • Tony: “We’re gonna all watch her grow together. A star is born here on Kill Tony.” (15:52)

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Bucket Pulls – Comic Mini-Sets & Panel Roasts

Matt Walker (16:43–23:32)

• Returns after a haircut-joke set the prior week, riffs on his new bald look and unlucky bucket timing.
• Classic Kill Tony chaos about the randomness of bucket pulls and audience skepticism of show ‘production’ (18:39).
• Personal tale about his car getting towed due to an expired license and small-town Texas policing: “He was a short Asian cop...like, it’s relevant, bro.” (21:18)
• Rapid-fire jokes and gentle roasts about his life choices, closing with: “The universe wants it, bro. Jelly, you know, jelly roll.” (23:30)

Danny V (24:04–33:58)

• Set Touchpoints: Looks, jokes about cops and turtles, being a DoorDash driver, living in his car, and a harrowing family history.
• Reveal: Father’s imprisonment for murder after drug-fueled violence (28:08–29:49).
• Candid, unfiltered interview about addiction, trauma, and aspirations to be a comedian or, failing that, a plumber or electrician.
  • “It’s a shame you can’t make a phone call to prison whenever you want. That would be great.” – Brian Redban (32:42)
• Encouraged by the hosts—given a joke book and told, “Seems like a nice guy. Got his life together.” – Tony (33:58)

Mason Davis (34:05–43:15)

• Set Theme: Struggles to get laid living with Star Wars/Mavel fans, a failed attempt at romancing a “black beautiful queen” neighbor, and being pegged “for reparations.”
• Honest admission of awkwardness with women; moved from Oregon, saved $5,000, and now works at Boot Barn (36:44).
• Warmly roasted for lack of romantic experience, ongoing struggles in the dating world, and for moving from a peaceful small town to the chaos of Austin.

Michael Ridley (44:15–51:08)

• Set Concept: Gym-related ego fantasies, former fat kid anxiety, dealing with “Asian nipples.”
• Reveals recent sickness (“I’ve been sick for, like, two or three days... I have hyperhidrosis.” – 46:42/46:45), vaping, sweating, and self-deprecating humor.
• Relapses after two years of sobriety—bluntly discussed with the panel in real time. “If you can’t drink and keep it together, what’s wrong with you?” (49:44)
• Panel prompts him to re-show his “hairy Asian nipples,” giving the moment absurd spectacle (48:29).

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Regular Spotlight: Cam Patterson (51:56–58:59)

• Set: Childhood bullying, dysfunctional parenting, and a story of being outed by his own father—delivered with perfect timing.
  • Notable line from Cam’s Dad: “Who the fuck is he bullying, midgets?” (52:48)
• Leads to a riff-heavy segment on D Madness’ wardrobe, his inability to see (due to blindness), and playful “roast” interplay between Cam, D Madness, and the panel.
• Cam and Sketch trade stories about their night together, culminating in a comic saga about lending and retrieving a favorite jacket.

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More Bucket Pulls

Tim Warner (62:55–73:07)

• 14-year veteran comic, openly discusses experiencing shame, mental health struggles, and the isolation of sobriety: “All these new memories of not being a great human being... very tough for me to forgive myself.” (65:05)
• Set includes observational takes on Trump, Biden, Zen competitions, and women going celibate as protest—panel urges him to refine premises for clarity and punch. (63:08)
• Rewarded with a spot on the “Secret Show” to re-ignite his comedic fire (72:39).

Elazar Guzman (73:57–80:12)

• Set: Grew up Jehovah’s Witness, comedic woes about sex life and dating mishaps, capped by a classic UTI-sounding-like-UTI gag.
• Interview touches on his Puerto Rican heritage, producing his own comedy shows, and attempts at finding love and success in Austin.
  • “I fucked once since I’ve been out here.” (78:21)
• Self-deprecating style, ingratiates himself to both panel and audience.

Eric Ray Stone (82:05–90:14)

• Set: Miami-to-Baltimore culture shock, ex-girlfriend turned sex worker, service provider vs. escort joke.
• Interview: Lives with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)—uses a cane; panel compares him to “Mr. Glass” and Manson family cult leaders (84:39).
• Discloses family history in Cuba involving “explosives and not so fond of communists”—delivered with a mysterious air.
• Endearing awkwardness in dating and social situations, comic self-awareness about fitting in and not fitting in, e.g., “I have no idea how to two-step; I can barely take one step.” (89:32)

Jerry Debo Smith (91:08–98:50)

• Set: Mixed heritage (Black/White), health and credit score jokes, tales of growing up in DC, high-energy performance.
  • “My dick is huge, but my credit is fucked up, son.” (91:39)
• Highlights:
  • Former San Antonio comic, proud of his Seinfeld/Deebo merch, candid about his late mother’s struggles and father’s criminal past.
  • Discusses his three children with three different mothers, riffs on failing credit and “special attention.”

Sam Cokes (99:20–104:03)

• Set: Insecurity seeing muscular homeless, embarrassing hobby of squirrel hunting on dates.
• Reveals background: Canadian (Sarnia, Ontario), tree-planter in Australia, now door-to-door HVAC salesman in Austin.
  • “You plant thousands a day, so it adds up.” – Sam, explaining his 10–25 cent-per-tree wage (102:18)
• Lighthearted conversation about growing up in a predominantly white, Black- and Mexican-free environment. “What’s heaven like?” – Tony (103:39)

Gina Hyena (104:30–109:22)

• Set: Darkly comic about abusive ex (a pimp), Italian-Jewish family, winding up dating a psychiatrist instead.
  • “My dumb ass tried to turn a trap house into a trap home.” (104:35)
  • “Strong backhand, but fiscally responsible.” (104:39)
• Now living in New York, reflects on her time hiding out from her ex, compares dating a psychiatrist to “Coco the Gorilla,” and jokes about being listened to for the first time in her life.
• Invited back to the Secret Show.

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Hall of Fame Closer: William Montgomery (110:52–119:20)

• Set: Classic non-sequitur, topical, and self-roasting William: failed gang background check, Hunter Biden, Planet Fitness corpse joke (“The good news is he smelled like shit. The bad news, he had–goddammit I messed it up...”). (111:55)
• Spirals into holiday talk: Thanksgiving with Tony and Redban (“Redban brought a bowl of marshmallows, like the dumbest–it was like what a little child would bring.” – 112:38), plans to get “more Christmasy” each week, and a uniquely William riff-off listing favorite Christmas things (candy canes, Snickers, dog for Christmas).
• Sketch gives William a “Ben Franklin” roast over his hair—a highlight moment.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Tony (to Sketch): “This guy’s used to just sitting there, no pants on.” (05:41)
• Brian Redban (on Danny V’s story): “It’s a shame you can’t make a phone call to prison whenever you want. That would be great.” (32:42)
• Cam Patterson: “She called my dad. She put him on speakerphone. And my dad was talking to her...then my dad just went, ‘Hey, Cam, stand up.’ And I was 5’1” at the time. And then he just went, ‘Who the fuck is he bullying, midgets?’ and hung up the phone.” (52:48)
• Dave Landau (on Mason’s doormat): “I think you gotta get rid of that Jedi fucking doormat.” (39:29)
• Michael Ridley: “If you can’t drink and keep it together, what’s wrong with you?” (49:44)
• Gina Hyena (on her ex): “He was half Italian, half Jewish. Perfect crossbreed for a pimp. Strong backhand, but fiscally responsible.” (104:39)
• William Montgomery: “Redban brought a bowl of marshmallows. It was like what a little child would bring—it really was, like, the stupidest.” (112:38)
• Eric Ray Stone (on Baltimore): “Baltimore’s just Detroit that got crabs.” (82:39)

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Important Timestamps

• Aya’s opening set/interview: 08:06–15:52
• Cam Patterson’s regular set, roast of D Madness: 51:56–58:59
• Michael Ridley’s real-time relapse confession: 44:15–51:08
• Gina Hyena’s return and memorable “trap house” set: 104:30–109:22
• William Montgomery’s holiday closer: 110:52–119:20

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Episode’s Signature Tone & Appeal

True to Kill Tony’s spirit, the episode balanced raucous comedy with genuine vulnerability. Comics openly discussed mental health, sobriety struggles, family tragedies, and the painful (sometimes hilarious) realities of chasing comedy dreams. The panel’s constant riffing, support, and sarcasm, matched with Dave Landau’s veteran roast energy and Sketch’s outsider charm, created an unpredictable, engaging, and at times touching show.

For new listeners: This episode is a perfect encapsulation of why the Comedy Mothership and Kill Tony have become the epicenter of America’s surging standup scene—a wild mix of supportive brutality, honest storytelling, and laughs at every turn from both the comics and the brilliant, raw panel.

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Follow the Guests:

• Dave Landau: davelandau.com / Blaze TV’s "Normal World"
• Sketch: Twitch & YouTube superstar

For Upcoming Shows & Secret Show Tickets: KillTonyLive.com
Podcast on YouTube & all platforms.

Transcript

[Redban]

Hey, this is Redban and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhenchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode

[Tony Henchcliffe]

of Kill Tony, the uncensored live stream

[Brian Red Band]

of two nights here from Austin, Texas,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

December 30th and 31st.

[Brian Red Band]

You can snuggle up in the cold with your loved ones or all by yourself or with a bottle of tequila or whatever you're into in this crazy world. Snuggle up, stay warm. December 30th and 31st with the completely uncensored kill Tony's live from the H E B Center in Austin, Texas. This is a new super annual amazing event. It is our biggest two night event of the year and we're super excited about it. It is on sale now. Kill Tony live dot com. Get it for your loved ones. Get it for yourself. Love it or hate it. Live December 30 and 30.

[D Madness]

Hey, this is Red Rick coming to you live from the comedy mothership here

[Redban]

in Austin, Texas for a brand new

[D Madness]

episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Give it up for Tony. It's great. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh?

[D Madness]

Yippee.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Make some noise for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen, one more time for the best damn band in the land. Everybody. Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo. Michael Gonzalez, Cinco de Mayo. Matt Muling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And this is indeed the one and only, the great and powerful D Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, yeah. Feels good in here.

[Brian Red Band]

Tonight we're gonna have a lot of fun. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Aya]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.

[Aya]

Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Brian Red Band]

Happy to have you guys here. Just a few, a few. Harry is spelled H A R R Y by the way. Not, not Harry.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

H A I R Y. Good job. You thought he was a Harry Potter, like a guy with a lot of hair. We haven't even begun yet.

[Brian Red Band]

It's unbelievable.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Anyway, what is that even for? What are you doing over there? I just see you typing in H A I R Y Potter.

[Brian Red Band]

Like a.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Like A Harry. Like he's not even Harry. His first Name's Harry.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. NinjaBuses.com you can get an unbelievable bus trip to the H E B Center December 30th and 31st back to downtown Austin, Texas. It's your new favorite holiday tradition, the two night event Kill Tony Live from the HEB Center. Get a ninja bus and be safe. You don't have to worry about ubering or drinking and driving on the big New Year's Eve nights.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So be smart. Ninjabuses.com Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode? Every single week, I am two of the funniest people in the world.

[Brian Red Band]

You know what I love about this month? This is new guest month here on Kiltoni. And these are two brand spanking new ones.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

One is a comedy veteran who just

[Brian Red Band]

moved to Texas from beautiful New York City. The other is one of the most famous streamers in the world who came to visit the show last week. The whole staff fell in love with them and we decided to have them here one week later.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for tonight's guests. It's Dave Landau and Sketch. Oh boy. Oh my God. Dave Landau.

[D Madness]

Sketch.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Get over here. Sketch. Sit down, buddy. Dave Landau. Dave Landau. Sketch. Oh my good. This episode is sponsored by Zipix. Dave landau's on tour.

[Brian Red Band]

Davelandow.com sketch is one of the most famous streamers in the world. Never done stand up comedy before in your life, am I correct?

[Sketch]

No, sir. First time in front of a live audience.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Look at that. This guy's used to just sitting there, no pants on.

[Brian Red Band]

Whatever is going on in the wild world of streamers, I don't know, I don't ever see see any of it. But I guess the kids love it.

[Sketch]

Hey, it's a little more formal but I'm ready to. I came here ready to up, so

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I guess we'll nailed it. How about a hand for Sketch? His first live audience. You guys are it. That's pretty exciting. Dave Landau, a 20 year standup comedy veteran.

[Brian Red Band]

Quite the opposite. Quite the mix here we have. Welcome Dave.

[Dave Landau]

Thanks for having me.

[Brian Red Band]

We're going to have a lot of fun tonight.

[Dave Landau]

I'm looking forward to it.

[Brian Red Band]

Very funny man. I've seen a stand up, a new resident to Texas, am I correct?

[Dave Landau]

I've been in Dallas for a while. I've been coming to Austin finally, which is its own state, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Exactly. Isn't that the truth?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We're going to have a wild time tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

Over 250 human beings signed up for this bucket oh, Jesus. I just spilled 12 names on the fucking thing.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Anything can happen.

[Brian Red Band]

I've been doing a thing where I have an audience member pick the first name. You have a great kill. Tony, shirt on, sir. Go right ahead. Guy in a Philadelphia Eagles hoodie over here. There we go. Let's do it. That looks fine. Not inside. Go wrangle him. And while they wrangle that comedian from across the street, let me remind you guys that that bucket pool gets 60 seconds. Everyone does. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

And then I conduct an interview.

[Brian Red Band]

We have fun with them. We figure out what else is interesting about them. What else could they joke about? Is that how their set always go? Anything can happen. It's always wild. The whole thing's improvised. You guys ready to start tonight's episode?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Let's start it with a very special time, everybody.

[Brian Red Band]

This young lady was made the most recent golden ticket winner just two or three weeks ago. And this is her first scheduled brand new minute on the show. We're all very excited. The youthful, the powerful, the brand spanking new first scheduled appearance makes some noise for golden ticket winner, the Kiltoni re

[Tony Henchcliffe]

debut of Aya, ladies and gentlemen. Aya, starting off the show.

[Aya]

I'm in college. College is cool. I like it because it's a time where you can learn things about yourself. Like, I recently found out that I'm asexual. Okay, I'm asexual. So I'll sleep with any of my professors for a good grade, except if they're women. My straight A student.

[Gina Hyena]

No.

[Aya]

Yeah, a straight A student. A lot of girls my age have sugar daddies. I don't know. I couldn't do it. It doesn't seem right. Like, my dad also has diabetes, but I would never sell his insulin to pay rent. I'm like, too scared of reaching for one of the needles and then it pokes me. And now I have diabetes. I can't afford diabetes. $35 for a pair of socks? No, thank you. No. I'm broke. I'm so broke. The other day I googled how to make gas at home. Step one is to control Afghanistan. So, okay, thank you, guys.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Aya, the new, newest golden ticket winner with a brand new minute.

[Brian Red Band]

Aya, where are you going to college?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Aya?

[Aya]

Well, I just graduated. I wrote that joke while I was in college, but I was at ut. I just finished there.

[Brian Red Band]

Nice.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What did you. What did you study there?

[Aya]

I studied film.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, cool.

[Aya]

So I didn't do a lot of learning, but it's nice to walk around the campus and stuff. They. I like. They have hammocks and stuff, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Hell yeah. Pretty chill. Is that expensive college or do you get like a scholarship?

[Aya]

No, I went for free. So the government. Thank you. Government.

[Brian Red Band]

Absolutely, absolutely. The federal government? Was it the state government?

[Aya]

I think it was a little bit of both. So UT gives out. Like they're really generous. Yeah, really generous people out there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

To people like you.

[Aya]

Yeah, that. Yeah, they've told me I'm special in a lot of ways. They really have. Yeah, they like because I'm a woman, so they like. They want you there and stuff.

[Brian Red Band]

You ever do anything for extra scholarship money? Like wear a burqa or drag a

[Tony Henchcliffe]

rainbow flag around or protest or anything?

[Aya]

I. I had to do that stuff in high school. No. Yeah, I used to do that stuff in high school.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it.

[Dave Landau]

So you weren't googling gas because you're pro Palestine?

[Aya]

No, I actually don't even use Google that often. It was just a joke.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I thought you were gonna say I don't even use gas. That you had an electric car. You have electric car energies.

[Brian Red Band]

What kind of car do you have?

[Aya]

Oh, I know I have a. Like a gas car.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, very good.

[Aya]

Yeah, it's a Toyota.

[Brian Red Band]

Hell yeah. Sketch. What are you thinking over here?

[Danny V]

I see you so asexual.

[Sketch]

It is. What do you think about me then?

[Aya]

Are you actually asexual?

[Sketch]

You could probably Google that one. I don't know if anyone's been on Twitter.

[Aya]

I actually. I actually like thought I was asexual at one point, but I had an eating disorder, so I was severely malnourished. So maybe just try eating more.

[Sketch]

I like them all different types.

[Aya]

That's sweet.

[Dave Landau]

Actually, people can't hurt you anymore.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Speaking of all different types, does your

[Brian Red Band]

dad really have diabetes?

[Aya]

Yeah, he does. Type 2. So it was his fault.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Aya]

Yeah, he deserves it.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you think it was that gave him type 2?

[Aya]

So my dad is like obsessed with honey. So he got it from like honey and then like dates, like the. The Arab, like dried fruit, which is so lame. He doesn't like eat cakes or sugar. It's just natural sugars that gave it to him.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow. Honey and dates. It's amazing.

[Brian Red Band]

Those are Red Band's healthiest snacks.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Redban]

Oh, bother.

[Brian Red Band]

There you go.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's my business partner, everybody. The old Harry Potter. Time to shave your Potter down. For he is Harry you'll figure it out. I can't wait. I can't wait. Any second now it's going to all make sense.

[Brian Red Band]

I. I love it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What else?

[Brian Red Band]

Anything else? Before we let you go, anything else crazy going on in life?

[Aya]

Yeah, my dad has like, this guy living in his backyard.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Whoa.

[Aya]

And he's like. He keeps giving him tasks to do around our backyard. Like, my dad has like, a white slave, basically.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Aya]

And it's. He's like on meth or something. And he hangs out and he's been building a fence for my parents for like three months.

[Dave Landau]

Those are called Mexicans.

[Aya]

No, no, this guy. Because my dad, like, he doesn't. He doesn't know Spanish and he doesn't know English very well. So him communicating with someone who doesn't speak English, this would be really tough. But. So he likes white labor, so.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

So the guy sleeps in your dad's backyard.

[Aya]

So I don't really. I don't live with him, but he's always there when I'm there. And sometimes he disappears for a little bit. My dad says every time he pays him, he disappears for three days.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Dave Landau]

That's called a drug addict.

[Brian Red Band]

That is incredible. Well, very interesting stuff. Have you ever talked to this guy in your dad's backyard?

[Aya]

No. I gave him cake the other day. He got really happy.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Your dad's just like, God, I wish that was me.

[Aya]

Yeah. Yeah. He couldn't have.

[Brian Red Band]

His diabetic father.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Aya]

Diabetes.

[Brian Red Band]

Does he still use honey? Does he still.

[Aya]

Yeah, he can't get over it. Like the. Every single night, even if he's good all day. He'll like, binge a bunch of dates before he goes to bed. Or like, he'll like, I've walked on him. Just spoon.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

By the way, red band posted on Instagram At 4am last night a moldy Wendy's burger that he ate. He both complained about the burger. Burger and also ate. What'd you eat? Half of it wasn't moldy.

[Redban]

It was burnt.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

The bread was burnt.

[Redban]

Yeah. No, the bread. No, the whole burger was burnt.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's what you were complaining about. But you also said something about mold.

[Redban]

No, because last time I had a problem with Wendy's, it was moldy.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

And you complain online every time you get late night drunk fast food and it's not good.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

A wildly successful podcaster goes online to complain about. Do they ever give you what you want after that? Does that ever pay. Pay off? Is Wendy's ever like, here's 20 bucks or something, dude.

[Redban]

Oh, yeah, all the time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Really?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. And that's what you do it for.

[Redban]

It's fun, man. It's like coupon clipping, you know?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Do you ever clip coupons?

[Redban]

No, no, but I use coupon codes online, you know, where's my honey voice at?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay, Aya, way to get this show started. Amazing stuff. I love it. We're gonna all watch her grow together. A star is born here on Kill Tony. The Kill Tony first ever scheduled set by Aya, everybody. Oh, snap. Heidi has arrived. Everybody make some noise for Heidi. And we make the big switch to the bucket. Everybody is where gets wild. Sometimes we're meeting somebody that we've never seen before. Sometimes it's the return of somebody that's been on years ago, maybe months ago, maybe a couple weeks ago. Anything can happen. Your first bucket pull of the night, 60 seconds uninterrupted goes to Matt Walker, everybody. Matt Walker. Oh, it's Matt Walker. Oh, my God. Make some noise for Matt, everybody.

[Matt Walker]

Hey, how's it going, everybody? So I recently got kicked out of the hair club for men because I recently shaved my head. But it's okay because I've been asked to join some other clubs. I think because of my algorithm. I've been asked to join pool leagues like the Q Balls and stuff like that. But I reached out to make a wish because it looks like I'm now suffering for cancer and I won't be able to make my next minute because I'll be going to Disney World with Joe Rogan. So. But yeah, things have been changing for me. I used to have a crazy dish comb over, so it's been just opening my eyes to new things. I was just on last week, so my episode hasn't came out yet. So I had a joke that was kind of relevant to that, but I was kind of going with was something that needed to be brought to my attention, you know, that I needed to shave my head. At first I thought Tony might have been being a little mean and insensitive, but sometimes it takes to take a good hard look in the mirror that nobody close to you will tell you that, you know, maybe it's time for Puerto Rico to shave their head.

[Mason Davis]

Thank you.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That doesn't make any sense at all, but it's adorable. Matt Walker.

[Matt Walker]

Thanks, guys.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So let me give a little context to this bucket pool. The odds of this happening are absolutely insane. Matt was on last week, so. And so Matt came out with the world's most diabolically. You just have to take my Word for was the worst haircut you've ever seen in your entire life. Barely anything was left. And, I mean, it was just.

[Brian Red Band]

It's like, if I took this on

[Tony Henchcliffe]

a bald head and just made, like, 11 lines, I swear to God, it was, like, combed down, like, to here

[Brian Red Band]

to make it look like.

[Redban]

Yeah, like a Sharpie at one point, like an egg.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What's amazing is you should have waited.

[Matt Walker]

I know, bro.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

The odds of this happening are beyond insane. People think that this show. I've heard rumors that the show is, like, produced and that the bucket pools are fake. If it was, this wouldn't be happening right now.

[Matt Walker]

Not to cut you off. I actually told Red Band that last week because the guy with the beard and the cowboy hat, how he comes on, he's been on multiple times and stuff.

[Brian Red Band]

You told Red Band what, that it

[Matt Walker]

doesn't seem so random, that maybe, like, it's not all, like, bucket pools or whatever, But, I mean, yeah, it's. It's completely random.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Well, it clearly is.

[Brian Red Band]

If you would have waited another couple weeks, you would be a star.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All these people would know you, and they'd be like, oh, I know, bro.

[Matt Walker]

I know.

[Brian Red Band]

You got a little excited here, and

[Tony Henchcliffe]

you did all your I don't have hair jokes, and they're like, yeah, so what?

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, no, I hear you. No, I hear you. Time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You know, Didn't I tell you I

[Brian Red Band]

was just gonna put you up in a month.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, that too, as well.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

But you couldn't wait.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, well, I was just here. But, bro, I mean, it was ins. The chances of me being pulled out of the bucket. I know. I've heard people say this. It's like, man, why are you saying that? You know, maybe just don't sign up, you know?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, don't sign up.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, exactly, bro.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Red Band]

No, I hear you would have been a star.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Well, that would have been a huge set.

[Matt Walker]

Hopefully it'll still kind of carry. I mean, I couldn't just.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It'll resonate. It'll resonate with the people at home.

[Mason Davis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's for sure. But these people are like, who gives a. About your bald head, dude?

[Mason Davis]

I was aware.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So what? What else? Do another joke. But you people are gonna see. Yeah, you're gonna see this guy.

[Brian Red Band]

The only time in the show's history

[Tony Henchcliffe]

in which we insisted on shaving somebody's head.

[Matt Walker]

I would just say to give me a little break. Like, I did come. Not that it was great. They're great. It was great material. But I did. That was only in like five, four, five days that I was coming up with all these. My head just been spinning, bro, trying to come up with ideas.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Well, it's much easier to spin now with a. Yeah.

[Matt Walker]

Spin on top.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

The old soft top you got up there.

[Matt Walker]

But, yeah, this I appreciate. I appreciate the opportunity you gave me last week.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, Jelly Roll, relax. Jesus Christ. Fucking acceptance speech over here.

[Brian Red Band]

Look at your fucking. The carpet matches the drapes down there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So, Matt, have you thought about anything

[Brian Red Band]

that we didn't talk about in your interview last week that might be interesting?

[Matt Walker]

No, but yesterday I just got pulled over with an invalid license, and they. The cop would not give me a break, bro. He told my. And I had to wait.

[Brian Red Band]

You had an invalid license?

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, because my. And it's really just because the dmv, they don't have enough people to give you a new license. He was a complete. Just jerk about it, dude. My birthday was on the 16th of November, so my license is, you know, had.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Need to be fired.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah. Expired.

[Brian Red Band]

Not like suspended or on November 16th. He didn't let you off?

[Matt Walker]

No, dude. He was a jerk.

[Brian Red Band]

Where was this?

[Matt Walker]

Garden Ridge, Texas. It's right outside of Cibolo. He was in. He was an Asian cop. Short Asian cop, dude. Like, it's relevant, bro.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

He was a short Asian cop.

[Matt Walker]

He was a jerk. Even his supervisor came, was like, this guy's a jerk. I was like, bro, he want me to meet me in the middle. Like, I cannot.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

His supervisor came, he made him give me a break.

[Matt Walker]

And then he hated it, dude. He like, walked away, like, you know, because his supervisor is like, you need to give that a warning. That's bull. Bullshit, you know, Right? My dad had to come pick me up.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, dude. They told my shit.

[Matt Walker]

I got it out in an hour. He was like. He was trying to tie me up. I was like, bro, I'm get it out today. Like, you're not going to. And I'm broke right now. It was like my last three, 400 bucks, but, you know, it's just another bump in the road, dude. I've been watching videos and lately about, like, how some of these things are gonna make you stronger, more resilient, you

[Cam Patterson]

know what I'm saying?

[Dave Landau]

So

[Matt Walker]

it's all Jelly Roll, bro. I think Jelly Roll was one of. One of those videos.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It's pretty Jelly Roll. Not to be confused about the egg roll that wanted to arrest you yesterday.

[Brian Red Band]

So your car got towed and you had to get it out?

[Matt Walker]

Yeah, I got it out. I called because It's Sunday, bro. He was trying to. Dude, he was trying to get me tied up.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What does that mean, tied up?

[Matt Walker]

Like, just trying to hinder me, I guess. He was just trying to make. Make my life hard, bro.

[Brian Red Band]

You know, this is like a small Texas town.

[Matt Walker]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Matt Walker]

And I actually do work for a lady that lives in Garden Ridge who. She's probably like the.

[Tim Warner]

Not that.

[Matt Walker]

I mean, she's got a Ferrari in her garage and all this shit. The rich ass lady.

[Brian Red Band]

But what do you do for this lady?

[Tim Warner]

It is.

[Matt Walker]

Does kind of have a little vibe to it, you know, she's older lady.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

But what do you do with this lady?

[Matt Walker]

Dude, she has me do every. Like, she's like a Martha Stewart type, bro. She has me do. Bring down all her Christmas decorations out of the garage, like, from her.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you been building a fence for some guy?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I think we're figuring this out slowly. Building fences for diabetic brown people out there.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Matt Walker. Well, we met you last week. You already have a joke book. You have a new outlook on life. I was gonna give you a spot

[Brian Red Band]

in a few weeks, but you just did it. Nah, come on.

[Matt Walker]

We still do that one, right?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay, well, stop signing up. You're a lucky. So stop signing up. All right?

[Matt Walker]

The universe wants it, bro. Jelly, you know, jelly roll.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay. Get out of here. There goes Matt Walker. Jesus Christ.

[Redban]

Wait till you guys know what happened.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah. You're not going to believe it. It's literally. It's proof that the show's not set up. I do believe. All right, your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Danny V. Danny V is next on Kill Tony. Here we go.

[Danny V]

Thank you. Thank you. So I am aware that I look like one of Joe Rogan's sperm. I look like an Oompa Loompa that joined the Nazis. So there was this. The reason, I think. I think the reason why police officers don't have turtles as pets is you can't kneel on their necks. I saw this homeless guy with a sign that said hot, hungry and homeless. It's like, that's pretty self absorbed. If you think you're that sexy, just have some sex and get out of poverty. I mean, if Kamala Harris did it, why can't you? I think the only reason why white guys date black women is to ensure that their kids don't have. Have bigger or that do have bigger dicks than them. Sorry, I fucked that up. Now's my time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, Danny B. This is your first time on the show, Danny.

[Danny V]

On the show. Yes.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Welcome.

[Brian Red Band]

How long you been doing standup? About a year. About a year.

[Danny V]

We're at Vegas.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, welcome, welcome. One year and Las Vegas. What do you do for a living, Danny?

[Danny V]

Sorry, what was that?

[Redban]

What do you do?

[Brian Red Band]

What do you do for a living?

[Danny V]

For a living? I just moved to Austin, so right now I've been doing doordash.

[Brian Red Band]

You've been doing D D dash.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

Do you eat the food?

[Danny V]

No, I'm a good doordasher.

[Brian Red Band]

Good doordasher. Do they give you guys ratings?

[Danny V]

Yes, they do.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. Yeah. You ever deliver late night Wendy's to.

[Danny V]

Me and Red Ben have a straight up line. He just texts me whenever he needs it.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow. You even knew what I was talking about. That's incredible. I love it. So, Danny, you been doing it a year. What made you come here today?

[Danny V]

I mean, the show and the comedy opportunities that are out here in Austin.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. You're visiting for a few days?

[Danny V]

No, I live out here now.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, nice. So you were in Vegas. When did you move to Austin?

[Danny V]

About four weeks ago.

[Brian Red Band]

Four weeks ago. What's your living situation like?

[Danny V]

I live in my car.

[Brian Red Band]

You live in your car?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. Where you been parking it at nighttime? That's something I always like to ask people that live in their car. It's a tricky situation out here.

[Danny V]

I park it in, like a gym parking lot.

[Sketch]

Okay.

[Brian Red Band]

You have a gym membership?

[Danny V]

Yes, that's how I shower.

[Dave Landau]

Well, he seems very pro police with

[Tony Henchcliffe]

the George Floyd joke.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, there's no. I don't know. Do cops not have turtles?

[Danny V]

I mean, I've never seen one with one, so, I mean, it would just. The connection makes sense to me.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you ever seen an Asian cop before?

[Danny V]

I mean, you never see them with cats now, do they?

[Brian Red Band]

What do you do for fun, Danny

[Danny V]

V. So just like a lot of outdoor stuff, like hikes, walk around, do shit like that, listen to comedy, try to do that.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. All right. And what kind of car is it that you live in?

[Danny V]

It's a 2015 Hyundai Accent.

[Brian Red Band]

2015 Hyundai Accent. I love it. Okay. So were you born and raised in Vegas?

[Danny V]

Born and raised in Vegas.

[Brian Red Band]

How does that happen? What are your parents like? I've always wondered that.

[Danny V]

How does someone get born? So my mom is a recovering addict alcoholic, and my dad, my real dad is in prison. He's been in prison since I was three years old.

[Brian Red Band]

I like that one.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You have a little Vegas. We have a little Vegas soundboard.

[Brian Red Band]

Jackpot. I love it. So your real dad has been in prison?

[Danny V]

Yeah, since I was three.

[Brian Red Band]

For what?

[Danny V]

He murdered a guy and.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, here you go. Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you know the context of the murder? Can you describe what happened?

[Danny V]

So both my parents were using pretty heavily, like, meth and, like, kind of crazy shit like that. And then one day he came home and broke my mom's nose.

[Gina Hyena]

So.

[Danny V]

So she. She took me.

[Mason Davis]

Yeah, she.

[Danny V]

She took me to, like, one of her friend's house, and she had, like, two guys, like, sleeping over. Cause she was, like, kind of scared, and my real dad was understanding.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, that's a great idea.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Nothing makes a guy that'll punch you in the nose happier than two fucking dudes at the house.

[Danny V]

Right? Well, I mean, that's.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you know why he punched her in the nose in the first place? Just out of curiosity?

[Danny V]

I never really asked.

[Dave Landau]

My mom just only good at cooking meth and not food.

[Danny V]

She fucked up the meth while she was cooking.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sounds like a wild house.

[Brian Red Band]

Maybe it is better you live in your car.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So, okay.

[Brian Red Band]

Punches her in the nose. You don't know. Why go to a house with two dudes?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

And then.

[Danny V]

And then. So he was drinking and drugging that whole night, and then he kind of, like, stalked her and saw that there were two dudes there. He thought she was fucking them.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Danny V]

And he broke in, killed one guy, and then stabbed another guy in the shoulder and.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Danny V]

Paralyzed his arm.

[Brian Red Band]

Paralyzed. His arm's still paralyzed? Yes.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you ever met that guy?

[Danny V]

I have not.

[Dave Landau]

If you do, make sure to shake the right hand.

[Danny V]

I'll just play with the other one, like. Yeah.

[Gina Hyena]

Get up.

[Brian Red Band]

What did he do to the other guy? Stabbed him in the heart. How did the one guy get off of just a shoulder?

[Danny V]

So I, like, after, like, the one guy, like, he was just dead, and I think he, like, stabbed him in the heart a couple times.

[Brian Red Band]

That'll do it.

[Dave Landau]

And stops the heart from beating and pumping blood. Easier to clean up the mess.

[Mason Davis]

I got you.

[Danny V]

It was pretty messy. It was a pretty messy experience. But yeah. So, like, after he stabbed that, like, the second guy, like, the house woke up and he, like, he dipped and he just went to a bar after and just, like, drank until the cops came.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[Danny V]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I love that people were mad they got woken up.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Just when things couldn't get any worse.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm just trying to get some goddamn sleep around here.

[Dave Landau]

You stop the kitchen stabbings.

[Brian Red Band]

Is that where it was? Was it in the kitchen? I feel like it was.

[Danny V]

No, he. He stabbed them in different bedrooms.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh. Were any of them sleeping with your mom?

[Danny V]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow. That is up.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Red band with a wise observation over here. That's fucked up. Yes, that is up.

[Brian Red Band]

Unbelievable. So he was in prison when you were three. Do you go visit him sometimes?

[Danny V]

I visited him once when I was, like, 12, and I really, like, just

[Brian Red Band]

have anything fun in a Vegas prison. I mean, even at their airport, they

[Danny V]

have vending machines where you could buy, like, whole mini pizzas. Like the Red Bear.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Did you have a pizza there?

[Danny V]

I did have a pizza there, yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Brian Red Band]

And it was good.

[Danny V]

It was decent, you know, it was like the Red Bear once.

[Brian Red Band]

Did your dad ever ask you for money or anything?

[Danny V]

No, he. I haven't talked to him in, like, 10 years.

[Brian Red Band]

And he has a life sentence, right?

[Danny V]

No, he actually has. I want to say, like, 20 more years.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, wow.

[Danny V]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

So, okay. Not bad.

[Dave Landau]

He'll find you.

[Danny V]

Yeah, that's actually. That's a big worry that my mom has, is that he's gonna come out and finish the job.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

No, really?

[Redban]

Does he know that they weren't them? Like, does he go, I up? Like, has it. Is he.

[Danny V]

I mean, he, like, the one time I did talk to him, he, like,

[Brian Red Band]

tried to stab you. The one time you talked to him,

[Danny V]

he, like, he expressed that, like, he was sorry and, like, he wished he could take stuff back, and he was just, like, not in the right state of mind. I mean, it was all messed up and stuff, right?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, exactly. And you haven't talked to him since you were 12?

[Danny V]

I talked to him probably, like, a decade ago, so. Probably like, when I was 20. That was about it.

[Brian Red Band]

It's a shame you can't make a phone call to prison whenever you want. That would be great.

[Danny V]

I could tell him to call back next time.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, we'll figure it out. So, Danny, is doordash the end all be all for you? What do you. What?

[Danny V]

Hell no, dude.

[Brian Red Band]

What type of job are you looking for? What do you want to get into?

[Danny V]

Ultimately? I do want to be a comedian, but, like, the backup plan is to be, like, a plumber or electrician.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you have talents in those fields?

[Danny V]

I mean, I'm mechanically inclined. I was in the army National Guard. I didn't deploy or anything, so I don't deserve, like, any credit, but.

[Gina Hyena]

Okay.

[Sam Cokes]

Yeah.

[Danny V]

Thank you.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What did you do there? Oh, wow.

[Brian Red Band]

There you go. A little stubby middle finger for you. Okay, well, if anyone needs an electrician or a plumber in Austin, I mean,

[Danny V]

I'm open to any job. I'm pretty versatile.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. How can people find you?

[Danny V]

I mean, you want to plug my Instagram or what do you.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sure.

[Brian Red Band]

Is that good for you?

[Danny V]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, go ahead.

[Danny V]

Comedian Danny V. There you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Comedian Danny B.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Is only a year in, living out of his car. Seems like a nice guy. Seems like he's got his life together. A lot of common sense, good answers. There he goes. Danny B.

[Brian Red Band]

And Danny. Danny, Danny.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Even though the performance was just okay, you got a lot. A lot of work to do. So here's a big joke book for you. Danny B, everybody. All right, your next bucket pole goes by the name of Mason Davis, everybody. We're moving along. Make some noise for Mason. Here we go. Mason Davis, everybody. Here he is. One more time for Mason.

[Mason Davis]

Used to live with a couple guys that are super into, like, Star wars and Marvels. Marvel. Don't get me wrong, those are great movies, but do you guys know how hard it is to get laid when your front doormat says, all Jedi is welcome? Like, I thought we were friends, man. Whose side are you on? I don't know. It was a nice brand new apartment. I wanted to show it off, but it was just decorated like it was the set of the 40 year old virgin. It was really unfortunate. Did you guys know that pussy dehumidifiers are a real thing? Turns out it was actually just my apartment.

[Matt Walker]

I don't know.

[Mason Davis]

I recently found out that my neighbor is a black beautiful queen. And I'm not the smoothest with the ladies, but I finally worked up the courage to go and introduce myself. I went up, talked to her, said my name. She said her name back, and then a bee started flying around her head and she screamed and took off running. Now if you're just walking your dog across the street, enjoying your morning, you can't see a fucking bee. You just see a white man and a black lady having a conversation and she takes off running. I don't know. We did finally hook up recently, though. But I let her peg me, but it was only, like, reparations.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, Mason Davis. There it is. Okay, let's talk about it. Is any of that true? Is it a black.

[Brian Red Band]

Really? You have a black beautiful queen neighbor?

[Mason Davis]

I do. That part is true. I didn't let her peg me, though.

[Brian Red Band]

Right.

[Mason Davis]

We didn't hook up, I should say.

[Brian Red Band]

Right. Okay. Okay. How long you been doing stand up?

[Mason Davis]

About a year and a half. Year and five months.

[Brian Red Band]

All of it here in Austin?

[Mason Davis]

No, I just moved here September.

[Brian Red Band]

From where?

[Mason Davis]

Oregon.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. Portland or out in the middle of nowhere?

[Mason Davis]

Out in the middle of nowhere. I was living about an hour and a half south of Portland, so I was driving up there like once a week.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, that's the true middle of nowhere. This has been a very meth heavy episode so far. Everyone has had some almost direct correlation to meth in some way, either with their parents or fixing fences or something. You were close to a lot of meth there in the middle of Portland, am I correct?

[Mason Davis]

I didn't live there, but yes. Driving through, you'd see a bunch on the road.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

On the road, dropping meth on the wrist.

[Brian Red Band]

You would see a lot of methy type of characters.

[Mason Davis]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you do for work, Mason?

[Mason Davis]

Right now I work at Boot Barn.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. How did you get into boot Barn?

[Mason Davis]

I went there with my dad when I first moved here. He was looking for a pair of boots and was like, this would be a pretty good. Okay, pretty good job. And so.

[Brian Red Band]

And they're like, you have no experience with boots, but you're white.

[Mason Davis]

Perfect for the job.

[Brian Red Band]

There you go. All right, guys, what do we think about Mason Davis?

[Dave Landau]

Oh, so the black queen was. Cause of the bee?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, good question.

[Dave Landau]

I'm kind of just wondering the joke. And I'm not insulting you. You're just wondering what the fuck.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

No, I agree with Dave on this.

[Brian Red Band]

I noticed that he laughed and I laughed both at your setup. A combined 38 years of standup experience between me and Dave, and you both had us giggling at the setup, and then it kind of went nowhere.

[Dave Landau]

You do look like somebody who would marry a black woman. And people are like, why the are they together? Like, have you ever seen those people?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

And then you have one of those weird, white, blondie, freckly creeps.

[Mason Davis]

I mean, that the.

[Dave Landau]

That no one wants.

[Brian Red Band]

Did you try with her? Did you try Mason?

[Mason Davis]

Did I try hooking up with her?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Mason Davis]

I mean, yeah, I'm just. Like I said, I'm not that good with talking to girls, so just introducing myself was a big step.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Can you do.

[Brian Red Band]

Can you look straight out there and say exactly what you said to her?

[Dave Landau]

Yo, what up, bitch?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

For a second, I thought that was it. Okay, look out there and give us an example of what you said to

[Brian Red Band]

this beautiful black queen.

[Mason Davis]

My name is Mason. I just moved here. What's your name?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, hell no.

[Brian Red Band]

What the fuck? Creepy ass motherfucker looking like all the characters of Friends mashed together.

[Dave Landau]

My rent's gonna go up.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you ever been with a black woman before?

[Mason Davis]

I have not.

[Brian Red Band]

No. Have you been with a white woman before? No. When's the last time you were with a white woman. Ooh.

[Mason Davis]

Oh, like three or four years ago.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

Why do you think that is?

[Mason Davis]

Damn.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, that hurt. Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I think you gotta get rid of that Jedi fucking doormat.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's why I moved.

[Mason Davis]

That's why I moved.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

That is amazing. So now you live here?

[Danny V]

Yes.

[Brian Red Band]

And do you have roommates still?

[Redban]

Nope.

[Brian Red Band]

You live by yourself?

[Mason Davis]

Yep.

[Brian Red Band]

Huh.

[Mason Davis]

No, I got an apartment.

[Brian Red Band]

How are you able to afford that Boot barn?

[Mason Davis]

And I saved a good. I used to be a welder and so I saved up a couple of bucks before I moved.

[Brian Red Band]

How much did you save exactly? I'm always so interested when people tell me they save money. This is an unorthodox show. It's not normally a common thing to ask, ask somebody how much money they saved, but this is that type of show. Just out of my own curiosity, can I guess? Yeah, I'm gonna say you saved $8,500.

[Mason Davis]

I wish it was about 5,000.

[Brian Red Band]

Damn, man.

[Mason Davis]

I appreciate the guest, though.

[Dave Landau]

Working at a Texas boot barn. Like, what's your most common question from somebody? Like, which one?

[Mason Davis]

Usually it's in Spanish.

[Dave Landau]

Kicking them over the border. Oh, it's for fence climbing?

[Mason Davis]

No, it's usually just like a bunch of. Because it depends on the people that come in. Because some people, like have worn boots before, so they're just looking for a certain thing. And some people are like, I have never worn boots before.

[Dave Landau]

Whores.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What do you think?

[Mason Davis]

I was being nice.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you think made you want to be a stand up comedian, Mason?

[Mason Davis]

I just. I used to. I made all my friends laugh and I really enjoyed that. And then I just.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you have any childhood trauma?

[Sam Cokes]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

Parents are happy all together?

[Mason Davis]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

No murders or anything? No, nothing at all. You just made your friends in Oregon laugh?

[Mason Davis]

Yeah. And I was getting good and I was getting better at stand up when I was doing it, but I wasn't doing it that much.

[Brian Red Band]

Doing a lot of spots here in Austin, trying. What do you mean by trying? What is that?

[Mason Davis]

I'm hitting a lot of open mics. I haven't.

[Brian Red Band]

Right. Is that working for you?

[Tim Warner]

Yeah.

[Mason Davis]

Get better. Writing more.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it. What else do you do for fun, Mason?

[Mason Davis]

I'm just trying to figure out the city because I moved here pretty recently. This is my first time living in a big city and it's. It's a little overwhelming at first, but I've been falling in love with it. I've been trying to figure out where the cool little spots are and Fentanyl dealers Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What part is. Was overwhelming? Can you give me an example of the overwhelming?

[Mason Davis]

Like, in Albany, where I'm from, there's not a street that shuts down for bars. There's maybe one bar. One or two bars. And so when I came down to that the first night, I was like, this is degeneracy. And it was. It was awesome. I loved it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, it is lovely.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it, too. Well, Mason, very good. Fun times. Anything else we should know about you before I get you out of here?

[Mason Davis]

I crashed a motorcycle. My buddy's motorcycle.

[Brian Red Band]

How did that happen?

[Mason Davis]

I was driving in the. In the. At night, and I didn't know that the turn or the road turned, and I just went straight.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, shit.

[Mason Davis]

Into a field and. But we're doing good now, so.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Did you get hurt?

[Mason Davis]

I split my knee open. Like, kneecap, like, volcanoed out. And you could, like, see my kneecap.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, wow.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

But.

[Mason Davis]

But didn't break anything, so call it lucky.

[Brian Red Band]

Was the motorcycle totaled?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Mason Davis]

And it wasn't even mine. That was the worst part.

[Brian Red Band]

So how did you pay your friend back?

[Mason Davis]

I just paid for it.

[Brian Red Band]

You just paid for it? Straight up. How much was that?

[Mason Davis]

I think it was, like, 1600, 1700.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

What kind of motorcycle?

[Mason Davis]

It was a Gixxer. Gixxer 600.

[Dave Landau]

Sounds racist.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah. All right, Mason.

[Brian Red Band]

Well, you.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It is.

[Brian Red Band]

It has begun for you. Welcome to Austin, Texas.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

There's a little joke book. Mason Davis. Let's get one more bucket pull up here. This young man's been on this show a few times. One week ago, One week ago, he said to me at Mitzi, the bar connected to the mothership. He said to me, I'm ready. I'm ready for another minute.

[Brian Red Band]

I go, why are you telling me this?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

He goes, I just want to let you know I'm ready.

[Brian Red Band]

I go, don't tell me.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Just keep signing up. And show me. The Bucket of Destiny has spoken. He has been pulled out of a bucket, out of 250 people. Let's see how it goes. This is a new minute from Michael Ridley.

[Michael Ridley]

I've been going to the gym recently.

[Danny V]

It's like a new thing for me. Like, the last two weeks, I've had

[Michael Ridley]

adhd, so it's, like, hard to stick to a routine. And I've only been going for two weeks, and I'm realizing I'm already encountering, like, an ego problem. Like, I'm finding myself shirtless in the mirror, listening to Beethoven after a workout, and I can hear an ego demon gassing me up from the back and he's saying things like, look at what you have become. Look at what you have become. They used to make fun of you. You used to wear your T shirt in the pool with your little Asian nipples poking through. But soon, my child, soon the moon will encapsulate the sun and the king will take his rightful place upon the throne.

[Elazar Guzman]

Really?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yes, my child, yes.

[Brian Red Band]

There is a God locked away inside

[Michael Ridley]

of you, and we will set him free. See, I've just been trying to get healthier.

[Matt Walker]

And

[Tony Henchcliffe]

there you go. Full minute, 16 seconds from Michael Ridley.

[Michael Ridley]

Hey, what's up, Tony?

[Brian Red Band]

How are you, dude?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What, are you running this thing? I love it. How are you, buddy?

[Michael Ridley]

I'm doing good, man. I'm freaking out.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What's up, brother?

[Sketch]

Hey, what's up, bro? It's good to see you, dude. Good to see you, too.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

I'm happy.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, I can tell you're very happy.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, I'm super happy, dude.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, relax, Michael.

[Brian Red Band]

Let's jump right into it. How do you feel like that went when you were randomly coming up to me, telling me that you're so ready? Is that how you thought it would go?

[Michael Ridley]

Huh?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

No, not at all.

[Michael Ridley]

I thought it was gonna be way better than that. I've been closing on that one for a while. And it gets big, pops. It's always like that, really.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You know what I mean?

[Michael Ridley]

I also, like, have a lot of nerves. I just. Your boy. I don't know what the fuck happened, Tony, but I was a little thick, and I just finally feel good enough to come out of the. And I'm half thick, sick as hell. Like, I don't know, bro.

[Mason Davis]

I was like, we're sick. Yeah.

[Michael Ridley]

I've been letting people hit my vape, Tony, and don't do that around here. Everybody's eating booty Hole and spreading disease and.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, Michael, Michael, Michael. Stick over here.

[Dave Landau]

Your water next to me.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I'm sorry, Dave, how long have you been sick for?

[Dave Landau]

You're sweating like an AIDS patient.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, I. I have hyperhidrosis. How dare you, dude?

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, Michael, so how long have you been sick for? What have your symptoms been.

[Michael Ridley]

Probably Covid. I don't know. Probably some new shit.

[Cam Patterson]

Definitely.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's not what I asked you at all. How long have you been sick for? I've been sick for.

[Michael Ridley]

I've been sick for, like. I've been sick for, like, two or three days. I've just been in the crib for three days.

[Brian Red Band]

And then you decided to come out

[Tony Henchcliffe]

tonight in public around a bunch of

[Brian Red Band]

people who can't get sick.

[Michael Ridley]

No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm good.

[Brian Red Band]

You don't look fine.

[Michael Ridley]

I always look kind of sick. Like, ever since COVID you can't be a sweaty Asian guy in public.

[Sam Cokes]

It's just.

[Michael Ridley]

You just always look like.

[Brian Red Band]

That is true.

[Michael Ridley]

I've always been sweaty, like, and I've always been a sweaty guy.

[Sam Cokes]

But.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So you feel great today? I feel so good today, but I'm being serious.

[Brian Red Band]

No symptoms at all?

[Michael Ridley]

No, no, no, I'm good.

[Eric Ray Stone]

I'm good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[Michael Ridley]

I've just been in the house. I'm happy to be out of the house. You've been locked up in the crib, sick, and now you're like, I want to be social.

[Brian Red Band]

You say a lot of stuff in between questions. Do you really have little Asian nipples? You said that during your set.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Is that true?

[Michael Ridley]

Nah, they're big and brown, dude.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

They are. They.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, I got some brown areolas. I got some fat boy nipples, dude.

[Brian Red Band]

Really?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Huh?

[Dave Landau]

Dinner plates?

[Michael Ridley]

No, more of, like, probably like a half dollar.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, not bad.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, not super big, but not super small either.

[Sketch]

How's it. How's the hair on those things?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

How is the hair on those things? The world wants to know.

[Michael Ridley]

I have to, dude. I shave them. I have to shave them. They're so sporadic. I have, like, Asian fibers right there come off of them.

[Matt Walker]

They, like.

[Michael Ridley]

They'll thread through my shirt sometimes.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

How many of you want to see these hairy Asian nipples? We've been talking about them. It's that. That time he's been going to the gym. Let's see what happens here, ladies and gentlemen. Whoa, look at that. That demon is full of. Soon the king will take the throne. What the is this demon seeing?

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, the whole joke is that I'm still kind of fat as hell.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, you look like a bag of rice.

[Sketch]

I wasn't really expecting much from a guy that goes to the gym with Bobby Lee.

[Michael Ridley]

They always do that.

[Brian Red Band]

Everybody.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So, Michael Ridley, what else is going on in life?

[Brian Red Band]

Have you really been going to the gym?

[Michael Ridley]

I was for a little bit, but then, dude, I. I was sober for, like, two years. I started drinking again, dude.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, is that what happened last week

[Brian Red Band]

when you came up to me and said you're ready, that you're gonna do so good?

[Michael Ridley]

I relapse, you know?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Now it's all making sense.

[Brian Red Band]

I got to witness a real life for relapse.

[Danny V]

I didn't.

[Michael Ridley]

I. I wouldn't really call it a relapse.

[Sam Cokes]

More of a return.

[Brian Red Band]

It's the same thing, dude.

[Michael Ridley]

If you can't drink, dude, what the are you doing?

[Elazar Guzman]

Dude?

[Michael Ridley]

Like, if you can't drink and keep it together, what's wrong with you?

[Mason Davis]

What are you, gay?

[Michael Ridley]

I don't know.

[Brian Red Band]

Can you keep it together?

[Michael Ridley]

I think I've been doing pretty good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Do you think every comedian after a

[Brian Red Band]

Monday night taping comes up to me and goes, just to let you know, I'm ready?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You think that's what I do all

[Brian Red Band]

night after the tapings is just field comedians going, I'm ready?

[Michael Ridley]

Your boy was like four or five crowns deep. Like, yeah, chatty.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, so was I. And I was bored as at the conversation. Last thing I want to do while

[Brian Red Band]

trying to drink my sorrows away is have sweaty little Asian men. Ready when you are.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's me.

[Brian Red Band]

Sketch.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I'm doing that. I'm doing that sketch.

[Brian Red Band]

Sketch is looking around.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sketch has puppy like behavior sometimes. Just like.

[Brian Red Band]

What's that?

[Dave Landau]

He just wants to see those Asian nips again.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, dude, run it back. They are big with. When you have glasses that thick, those are big Asian nips. They're medium to us.

[Brian Red Band]

Meaty.

[Sketch]

Just. Just my type, though.

[Brian Red Band]

That's right. Absolutely.

[Dave Landau]

I thought you quit all that.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

No.

[Sketch]

Make a return too.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hey, Return of the Dragon. Michael Ridley.

[Brian Red Band]

Congratulations.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You got pulled out of the bucket again. There he goes. Michael Ridley, everybody. Getting to watch a man relapse in real time. That'll be a story to follow. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it is that time. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, an international superstar, I present to you a brand new minute from the one and only Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm glad y' all like that little gag. Cause I am not ready, I'll tell you that much. This. This minute, it's funny. Cause I've been trying to figure this minute out, and I don't know how to tell it for real. All I know is I used to be a bully, right? I used to hurt people a little bit when I was in elementary school and middle school and shit like that. And I would get suspended all the time. And one day they wanted to call my parents, but they didn't understand that I was getting. I was doing all this bullying. Cause my parents aren't the best parents in the world. You know what I'm saying? And she wanted to call my dad real bad. And I was sitting in the office and she was looking at me, scolding me and stuff. And she called my dad. She put him on speakerphone. And my dad was talking to her. She was like, your son's a bad person. He's gonna get expelled. He's bullying other students. He hit somebody with a baseball bat. You need to talk to him. And then my dad just went, hey, Cam, stand up. And I was 51 at the time. And then he just went, who the is he bullying, midgets? And hung up the phone. That's my time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Thank you so much, Cam Patterson. Cam's dad. I say it all the time. Such a character.

[Brian Red Band]

Such a.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Such a vat of hilarity to draw from with.

[Cam Patterson]

That really happened, bro.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I believe. I know your dad. I know that happened. Very, very funny, man.

[Mason Davis]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt Walker]

I'm glad that worked.

[Cam Patterson]

That should have been bombing all day. Nigga.

[D Madness]

I been running around.

[Cam Patterson]

I was supposed to be here earlier. I run around with a whole bunch of soldiers. That shit was eating dicks all day.

[Brian Red Band]

Well, going up after. Oh, look, there he is. His dad, everybody.

[D Madness]

Nigga, we back. Who put that hat on him, man? Why they put that hat on him? Cause you can't see it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That is a great.

[D Madness]

That's a gay ass hat, man.

[Brian Red Band]

That is.

[D Madness]

Who put that hat on? D Madness, man. The going on right now. The show going to shambles right now, and I put a gay ass hat in front of D. Madison. You got a pink hat on. You know that? You got a pink hat on, D. You know what pink is? It's bedazzled. It's bedazzled. And he don't know. Oh, oh, he. Oh, oh, the nigga don't know colors. Oh, I ain't know that. Oh, I forgot he was blind. Oh, man, I forgot he was blind. Okay, I'm sorry. Still, though.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Are you gonna give him his damn bass guitar?

[D Madness]

Josh, what the fuck?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Josh, you have two jobs.

[D Madness]

What the going on right now, man?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Jesus Christ, man.

[D Madness]

Show going to shambles. God damn.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

This poor guy. He just sits D up here to get roasted to death.

[Brian Red Band]

You have any idea how stupid your head is?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

He's just sitting there like, what the going. At least give him his. There it is. Oh, man.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my God. D Madness is normally an absolute master of style. D. Can we get him on mic? Is that mic part of the thing? Let's. Let's use this one here, Ds so that it makes it to the show. This one's.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Is that on the air? Is D's mike on the show? Yeah, use.

[Brian Red Band]

Use that one. D Madness. That's.

[Redban]

Try to edit those out.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah. Matt. Matt. Shut the hell up.

[Brian Red Band]

Up.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, I'm kidding.

[Brian Red Band]

We're all friends here. D Madness We. We don't often get to talk to

[Tony Henchcliffe]

you deep and personal.

[Brian Red Band]

I like a moment like this where it's a little bit off the beaten path. Now, normally, for those of you that might not know, or maybe it's your first episode. D. Madness is a master of style. I don't know how you pull it off. I don't know what kind of advisors you have or what exactly goes on. Why are you handing him a different mic? What's going.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Why are you with this poor guy?

[Brian Red Band]

So, D, can you take us through. What is it like, getting ready for, like. I mean, how do you know what that hat looks like?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, geez. Come on. Don't give him the auto tune mic from the musical performance. Give him a real mic. Ds, come on. All right, very good. Very good.

[D Madness]

God damn, man. The show coming in shambles and.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, I do.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I do like the texture of the hat.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know what it looks like, but I do like.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hey, D. That's all I know is texture look like. It has great texture. Yes, it is a good hat. It actually is cool.

[Brian Red Band]

It is a little bit pinker than

[Tony Henchcliffe]

you would wear if you knew what it looked like. Like one of the most famous homophobes in the show's history.

[Redban]

It looks like Tiffany Haddish's underwear.

[Brian Red Band]

Like, thank you.

[Cam Patterson]

That was terrible.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It looks like weird ass reference.

[Dave Landau]

If you threw a fanny pack on, you'd look like every older black woman going to Vegas.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Well, ain't that wonderful?

[D Madness]

It's up.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I'm gonna keep all this in mind

[Tony Henchcliffe]

next time I talk. What'd you say, D?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I'm gonna keep all this in mind next time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, he's gonna. He's gonna get you back, Cam. Next time.

[Brian Red Band]

Next time.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You smell funny. You're getting roasted.

[D Madness]

Yes, bro.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Brother Darkness. I'm get you, Brother Darkness. He just called you.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, I call. I called him. I call him Darkness. He called me Blacker. So, yeah, you know, it switches from

[Tony Henchcliffe]

time to time, you know.

[Sam Cokes]

Darky, bro.

[Cam Patterson]

What's up, Blacker? What's up?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah, you know, they all mean the

[Brian Red Band]

same to me, D. Madness. Do you have any final words you'd like to say to Cam Patterson, who decided to shift all of this part to you and that roastable hat? Hold on.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Actually, Cam, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to look at my T shirt.

[D Madness]

Well, most people. How you know what it say?

[Cam Patterson]

I know what it say. I know what it say.

[D Madness]

Nigga, you look.

[Cam Patterson]

Nigga, I know what it say.

[D Madness]

Hey, hey, you know what?

[Matt Walker]

Real.

[D Madness]

I've been beefing with the blind my whole life.

[Cam Patterson]

It's kind of crazy.

[D Madness]

It's a. It's a blind.

[Cam Patterson]

When I first started doing st, it was a blind lady. She was in a wheelchair. And they would always bring on stage, and. And I was hosting the show one time. All right, all right, hold up. Wait a minute.

[D Madness]

I'm telling my story now. I swear to God. Another goddamn strong go by. I'm too daddy.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay, calm down. Cause the words is me up. I read it and say, you big dummy. But it was a blind lady. It was a blind lady to come to the show. She was in the wheelchair.

[Dave Landau]

What a cunt.

[Cam Patterson]

No, you're the closest to me, right? But she would. It's gonna bomb now. Cause it took too long. But she would always be like, I love him. Cause he's so black and he's so short. And I was like, how you know I'm short? And she was like, you real close to my ear. Cause she was in a wheelchair. You know what I'm saying? And I hate that bitch.

[Brian Red Band]

I hate her.

[Cam Patterson]

Hope that bitch never see you again. Goddamn.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We're gonna go to the second most blind person in the room here, Sketch.

[Sketch]

I could see pretty far. Pretty far.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

There you go.

[D Madness]

Tell him. Sketch. You see real good. Hey, him. Yeah. You're on the same level.

[Cam Patterson]

It's like riding up a retarded key.

[D Madness]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hey, me and Kim hung out last

[Sketch]

night, and he spent the night at my house.

[Cam Patterson]

No, I didn't.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yes, he did.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No, Whoa. Hey.

[D Madness]

He did.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hey.

[D Madness]

Know the.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, hey.

[D Madness]

Hey. I did not stay tonight. I was there for a long time,

[Cam Patterson]

and we drank a little bit, but I did not stay tonight. I'm up.

[Sketch]

And then he sent his homeboy to come grab his jacket this morning at Tattoo Trip.

[D Madness]

Hey. Oh, man. I knew it was gonna trip. I knew it was gonna look bad.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay, wait.

[D Madness]

I'm sorry.

[Cam Patterson]

You all right?

[D Madness]

You good?

[Cam Patterson]

Don't sue nobody, nigga. All right?

[D Madness]

Listen. Understand something.

[Tim Warner]

Wait.

[D Madness]

Earth that sort of.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm glad you brought this a good story.

[D Madness]

It's a funny story.

[Cam Patterson]

So, Sketch, we did the stream last night, and Sketch gave me a lot of, like, gifts and shit, so I wanted to give him something back in return, right? So I gave him my jacket off my back, right? What do you mean when you say it like that? Listen, so I gave him my jacket off my back, right? And it was my favorite jacket. So I got back in the car with my homeboy, my girlfriend, right? I got Back in the car. Had to clarify that. Got it back in my homeboy and my girlfriend, so. So I got in the car, and I was drunk, and I was like, man, it was such a good time, man. But I gave him my favorite jacket. And I just kept saying that over and over again. And my homeboy is a good friend, also a crazy person. So he went this morning and just got my jacket back. And I woke up, and it was just in my living room. That's the whole story.

[Sketch]

The whole story.

[D Madness]

Sometimes it always gotta have a punch. Hey, hey, hey,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Cam, don't wipe your nose with the towel that you wipe the COVID mic with.

[Cam Patterson]

No, I didn't. I lose.

[Sketch]

You're going to get us both sick. Come on, now.

[D Madness]

Hey.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, sketch is crushing live.

[D Madness]

That was good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, my God, Cam, you're so gay. We're going to give you d Madness's hat as a gift.

[Michael Ridley]

Left

[Gina Hyena]

it.

[D Madness]

Do what you want. Do what y' all want. Do what the you want from me.

[Cam Patterson]

I want to know that he's just sitting there shaking his head, very disgusted at me right now.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Look at this beautiful black queen we have here. Oh, we're having fun here tonight. How loud can this place get for the always impacted Cam Patterson? One more time for Cam, everybody. The man, the myth. And the show goes on. Back to the bucket. This guy's been getting on this show for years. This is. We've seen him a lot.

[Brian Red Band]

Very lucky, lucky man.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

And he's back again. Make some noise for a new minute from Tim Warner. Always fun styles of Tim Warner.

[Tim Warner]

So Trump was elected president, right?

[Danny V]

Yeah.

[Tim Warner]

But yet Biden is still in the White House. Like, I think this is really awkward. Like, you ever been in a relationship that ends before the lease does? One of his on the couch, the other's in the bedroom. Every time you come out, they're just like, all right, listen. No, come on, man. The guy you're with, he's garbage.

[Brian Red Band]

Hear me out.

[Tim Warner]

Just hear me out. A lot of women now apparently, are going celibate to protest Trump's election, which I just think is crazy. You know? Just when you thought they couldn't get any worse at driving.

[Aya]

Oh.

[Tim Warner]

Recently saw a sticker for a Zen competition. How the hell does this work? I'm at peace. I'm at more peace than you.

[Michael Ridley]

All right.

[Tim Warner]

That's all I got.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Tim Warner. All right.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hi, Tim.

[Brian Red Band]

How's it been going?

[Tim Warner]

Ah, all right. How are you?

[Brian Red Band]

Good, good, good. Remind us all, how long you been on stand up again?

[Tim Warner]

14 years.

[Brian Red Band]

Now 14 years. Okay. Why? I was gonna say, normally it goes better than that. That was something. What do you think went wrong there? Tim, 14 year veteran.

[Tim Warner]

Oh, Jesus. A lot of takes, dude, but, you know. Yeah. Oh, being sober hasn't helped. Dealing with a lot of shame without, like, getting up and escaping reality and just, you know, accepting things. That's been. That's been a.

[Brian Red Band]

How long have you been sober now?

[Tim Warner]

We are on two years and one month.

[Brian Red Band]

We remember that.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We remember when you went sober, a lot of those initial sober performances.

[Brian Red Band]

We're good. Rock solid.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you think's going on with you? You've been going to meetings and stuff. What's happening?

[Tim Warner]

Yeah. Been doing everything.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tim Warner]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

Just had.

[Tim Warner]

I've had a difficult four months, like I said, just dealing with shame, dude. Like, part of. With the clarity. It's like all these new memories of just not being great, not being a good human being. And I don't know, it's like. Like in a movie at the end of it when you had the big reveal and it's just like, oh, I thought I was a decent person. It's just like, no, you're kind of a piece of shit your whole life and taking it all on at once. Like all of the moments, it's just pretty heavy, you know, and it's very tough for me to forgive myself, you know, for the past. It's just tough, you know, Hilarious.

[Sketch]

Do you forgive your barber?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Got him.

[Brian Red Band]

Why would a woman being celibate make her a worst driver? Did I miss something there? Did I miss, like, part of the setup?

[Tim Warner]

I just think they're really, like. At least here, I think a lot of them are aggressive, so I figured not would make them even more aggressive and that would just be double aggressiveness.

[Brian Red Band]

There's a woman shaking her head yes out there.

[Tim Warner]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

As of though, to say that if

[Brian Red Band]

she wasn't sexually active, she would be a worse driver. I find it to be an interesting take. I was kind of waiting for something there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Zed.

[Brian Red Band]

Is that what you said?

[Tim Warner]

Zen.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Zen.

[Brian Red Band]

I heard Zed. That makes more sense. That's that. I think. Yes.

[Dave Landau]

Did.

[Brian Red Band]

Yes. I think. I think a lot of people, I don't know, they didn't really get anything. I liked the premise of the Biden still being in the White House while Trump's definitely the inevitable president, but that kind of went. That was kind of like you have to, like, have roommates to get that perhaps. And this seems like no one in this audience has had a roommate in their entire lives by the reaction that we got. Anything else you've been working on? Maybe. Maybe another new thing or something. Maybe something else. A new quick little joke. You're a. You're. You're funnier than that minute. Every time you've been on the show, it's been funnier than that.

[Tim Warner]

Yeah.

[Redban]

You've been gone for a while, right?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Like.

[Redban]

Like four or five months. I haven't seen you on social media doing positive shit all over my Instagram.

[Brian Red Band]

Is that normally what he does?

[Redban]

Yeah, he usually puts, like those, like, live laugh, love type. He's like, I'm sober now. He's like doing all these messages. And I actually thought about you recently and I was like, what the fuck you've been up to? Is there something else that has happened recently? Are you not sober?

[Dave Landau]

Are you trying to get up?

[Tim Warner]

No, I guess I'm just. I don't know.

[Danny V]

I.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you been living, laughing and loving?

[Tim Warner]

Actually, yes, but. But, yeah, this has been a struggle. I've been by myself, basically.

[Redban]

All right.

[Tim Warner]

The shame thing, I've never thought I'm good enough. I don't think I'm good enough. Right. So I did.

[Dave Landau]

You are a comic.

[Sam Cokes]

Thank you.

[Tim Warner]

Yeah, so I did the stupid. The. The competition in Austin thing. Worse than this. Completely bombed. Didn't make it to the next round. Whatever else.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you think went wrong there and then. Let's get back to your next one.

[Tim Warner]

No one should have moved on. That was such. They began the show. The first person on the show brought, like, everybody, right? So the first person up brought everybody, went over their time. They're completely eliminated. There's 13 people after that no one cared about. And I was last and I didn't give a shit. I came up with a shit.

[Brian Red Band]

Those of you that don't know, which I'd imagine is 99.7% of our listeners, at least there is a famous old competition here in Austin. Austin called Austin's Funniest Comic, which was a thing. Which was a thing that, like, mattered before this invasion of real comedians coming

[Tony Henchcliffe]

from LA and New York, more experienced

[Brian Red Band]

people from a more tougher club in

[Tony Henchcliffe]

which has better performers.

[Brian Red Band]

So you have to be better to be able to be on the lineup and stand out. So this Austin's Funniest Comic thing is still a thing that people try to win and try to get on, but it is based on.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It is voted on by the audience. So people invite an audience to come.

[Brian Red Band]

So the more people you know, the better your odds are of winning. And Tim, by The sounds of your lonely, lonely diatribe. I'm guessing you got about nobody to go there, right?

[Tim Warner]

Oh, I did it. I didn't advertise it like that. I don't want to, but I don't want to stack the audience. I like to win based on, like, me being funny.

[Brian Red Band]

Trust me, I get it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I did that once.

[Brian Red Band]

When I first started, there was a competition at the Ice House. I got second place. I won a side of fries.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I wore a shirt and tie for that. I thought I would be a shirt and tie comedian back in my first

[Brian Red Band]

few weeks, literally, of doing standup. May 2007, someone just poured a drink on their own head in memory of my side of fries.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Anyway, this shit's gone off.

[Brian Red Band]

It's fucking.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Can we get Cam back up here to talk shit to D Madness? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, Tim. So your competition goes awry and then what happens?

[Brian Red Band]

We went way off base here.

[Tim Warner]

Oh, no, it's just. I don't know. I started questioning a lot of things. Hung out by myself. I don't know. Just soul. I don't know, searching, you know? And now I've come out of it and I don't know. I shot 2 for 14 tonight. You know, that's what it is.

[Redban]

Did a woman drive you to this competition?

[Brian Red Band]

Thanks, buddy.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Was that okay?

[Dave Landau]

So what was your drug of Choice? I've been 15 years sober, so I'm just curious.

[Brian Red Band]

I don't know.

[Tim Warner]

Whatever I was given. Really?

[Mason Davis]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

You ever have a man?

[Mason Davis]

I can get?

[Tim Warner]

I mean, I just drank, which just led, like, all the time, which just led to ventures, you know, hookers and fight clubs and coke. And I turned down heroin. That's smart. Thank you. But, yeah, it's mostly, you know, I was in New York a lot, so

[Dave Landau]

a lot of people just go and see the, like, you know, sites.

[Tim Warner]

Well, I saw the sites that aren't on a map, let's put it that way.

[Brian Red Band]

You know, Tim, I've tried with this

[Tony Henchcliffe]

interview to dig us out of this deep hole that I take full responsibility for putting us in.

[Brian Red Band]

I don't think it's you. I think it's me. But you know what I think? I think you need something to look forward to in life. I think you need something to fire you up and tell you that things are going to be okay. So how would you like to open up?

[Redban]

Would you like to do better at the secret show Thursday?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You got a real spot on Thursday. Look at that smile. That's a real, real smile there. Does that sound like fun, Tim? Yes, Michael, relax. Jesus Christ.

[Tim Warner]

Yes.

[D Madness]

The.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Are you just gonna beat the drum forever?

[Brian Red Band]

Short circuit.

[Tim Warner]

Right?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We believe in you.

[Redban]

We know something's not right.

[Brian Red Band]

We believe in you, Tim.

[Redban]

So I would love to see you do better Thursday.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

There you go. Tim Warner, everybody. That's the first time where I. This was going to be like, you want to open up the secret show? I don't know why. All right, we're having fun. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? Like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites. She cleanses us with her spirit. Live laugh, love. Isn't she? Live laugh lovely. All right, we got another bucket pull. This looks like a new name. I hope it is. We've had a lot of. A lot of old characters here tonight. Make some noise for Elazer Guzman. Elia Elazier Guzman.

[Elazar Guzman]

Hey, everybody, My name is Elazar. He tried his best. Yeah. I probably shouldn't have smoked before this. You guys ever smoke and then feel like you're gonna have a heart attack? I gotta stop smoking meth. I'm kidding. But I grew up Jehovah's Witness. Oh. Never get that reaction. Usually, even Mormons are like, yikes. So it made stuff like my birthday recently really weird. I just recently turned 34.

[Danny V]

Thanks.

[Elazar Guzman]

I've been freaking out about it. Felt like I hadn't had enough sex in my life. So my last month of being 33, I just tried to go on as many dates as possible. And this last date I went on, this girl was like, look, I want to have sex tonight, but I have a uti. And I said, look, I don't care what school you went to.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

A laser. Am I saying that right?

[Elazar Guzman]

It's Elazar.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Elazar. Elazar. There's a second E in there.

[Brian Red Band]

Silent.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It looks like Eleazar or Eliezer.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah, it's. It's.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

People say that a lot. Yeah, people say it when they read it.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, about 100 of the people.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Just making sure. You tried to make me look like a fool,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Elazar. Obviously. How long you been doing stand up?

[Elazar Guzman]

11 years.

[Brian Red Band]

11 years. Awesome.

[Elazar Guzman]

We're at New York City, New Jersey, all over the country.

[Brian Red Band]

Fantastic. You live in Austin now?

[Elazar Guzman]

I live in Austin, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

How long? Eight months. What do you do for work?

[Elazar Guzman]

I work at NADC Burger.

[Brian Red Band]

Whoa,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

nadc?

[Brian Red Band]

Not a damn chance. That is one of the best burgers in the entire city, owned by our very good friends. You have fun working there.

[Elazar Guzman]

I love it there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

A lot of pride.

[Brian Red Band]

It's a great place. Amazing. You get high on your own supply. You eat the burgers over there?

[Elazar Guzman]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

So addictive.

[Elazar Guzman]

I'm broke as fuck, so I eat

[Sam Cokes]

a burger every day.

[Redban]

Yeah?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing. You getting a lot of spots around town?

[Elazar Guzman]

Not really. I just kind of make my own shows. I've been producing for a while, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, I love that. Very smart view. If you put on a good show and book the people that you think are funny, eventually it will pick up steam. Is it a weekly show?

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah, I have three right now.

[Brian Red Band]

Very smart. This is what I think more people should do and try. Especially if you're a more experienced comedian. At 11 years, how long were you doing it in New York for?

[Elazar Guzman]

Pretty much the whole time, except for the past eight months.

[Brian Red Band]

Right?

[Tim Warner]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What was the part where you said in all around the country?

[Elazar Guzman]

So I did some tours through Tennessee and New Orleans, Texas, but just like bar shows. Arizona.

[Brian Red Band]

Very cool stuff like that. Very cool.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What were you doing for one of those people?

[Dave Landau]

Pronounce your name right?

[Elazar Guzman]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, it seems like they wouldn't.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Eleazar. Eleazar. What were you doing for work in New York City?

[Dave Landau]

Just introduced him as 9 11.

[Elazar Guzman]

I was a busser.

[Brian Red Band]

A busser?

[Elazar Guzman]

A busser.

[Brian Red Band]

A busboy. Yeah, but you say a busser like you're not a boy at all.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah, no, I say bus man, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, absolutely. What else about your life?

[Elazar Guzman]

I write stories.

[Brian Red Band]

What kind of stories?

[Elazar Guzman]

Short stories and novels.

[Brian Red Band]

Nice.

[Elazar Guzman]

And doing that for most of my life.

[Brian Red Band]

You do that like on a typewriter or a computer?

[Elazar Guzman]

Mostly on my phone. Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What's your love life like? You seem like a good looking guy.

[Elazar Guzman]

Not great. I'm a little awkward, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah?

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah. So you know, I fucked once since

[Eric Ray Stone]

I've been out here.

[Brian Red Band]

That's all that matters.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Fuck, once. That's all you need. How about love? When's the last time you were in love? You ever been in love?

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah, a couple times.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

How long ago was that?

[Elazar Guzman]

Maybe like two or three years ago.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, what happened there?

[Elazar Guzman]

She was psycho, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, that happens. Yeah, that happens everyone once in a while. She a bad driver?

[Elazar Guzman]

No, but she carried a gun.

[Brian Red Band]

She's in New York City.

[Elazar Guzman]

No, no. Yeah, actually New Jersey.

[Eric Ray Stone]

She's from New Jersey.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Landau]

That's not a psycho, that's just New Jersey.

[Brian Red Band]

Elazar. What is that? Are you Mexican?

[Elazar Guzman]

No, I'm Puerto Rican.

[Brian Red Band]

Ah, nice.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, My favorito.

[Dave Landau]

I hear their garbage.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

No, nobody heard that. Nobody said Anything. I haven't seen that at all. Anywhere or any at any point. No one's ever said such a thing. Have you been to Puerto Rico?

[Elazar Guzman]

No.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I have. At one point. It was one of my favorite vacation spots.

[Sketch]

What happened?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Had to get a president elected real quick. No big deal. Just had to.

[Brian Red Band]

Had to.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Had to do my due diligence. Shut up. Shut up. Thank you, Tony. You're welcome, Mr. President.

[Brian Red Band]

You're welcome.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Anytime, anytime.

[Brian Red Band]

For you. So are your parents obviously both Puerto Rican?

[Elazar Guzman]

No, my mother is Puerto Rican and my stepfather is my Mexican.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, did you talk to your mom about any of the incidences that happened a few weeks ago with. Oh, no, with my thing.

[Sam Cokes]

She.

[Elazar Guzman]

She kind of stopped giving a. About the political stuff a while ago, so.

[Brian Red Band]

She didn't. But I mean, Puerto Rico was in the news.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

She's been to Puerto Rico.

[Elazar Guzman]

I've been avoiding saying anything about it, honestly.

[Redban]

Perfect.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, it's a lose lose situation.

[Elazar Guzman]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

And look at you now.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Little does she know that I just.

[Brian Red Band]

Just gave you the biggest opportunity of your life. It all comes full circle, just like an island.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, fun times. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the show. Here's a brand new bonsai leather, real Texas leather joke book. And that is the kill Tony debut of Eleazar Guzman. The only Eleazar spelled Eleazar. E, L, E, a Z A R. Another bucket pole. This looks like a fun name. It's a three word name with pretty silly handwriting. So this is a good sign. Make some noise. For what I believe is the kill Tony debut of Eric Ray Stone, everybody. Eric Ray Stone.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Hi everybody. So I'm originally from Miami, which I know is the last thing you expect somebody that looks like this to say. Yeah, I fit it in a lot better since I moved to Austin. But you know, most people that are born and raised in Miami feel like any place is better than Miami, you know, like most places. But then I moved to Baltimore in the middle of the winter. And you know what's not better than Miami? Fucking Baltimore in the middle of the winter. Yeah, like even the bridge was like,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

fuck this, I can't take it anymore.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Like, let's be honest, Baltimore's just Detroit that got crabs. That's it. And when I moved to town, I only knew one person in town, which was an old ex girlfriend. And about a week before I moved, there she goes. Listen, I gotta tell you something. I've been working as a stripper. And I know you told me you were a bartender and got a concussion. That shit don't happen. But also, I've been working as an escort. I said, okay, great. She said, but I don't like people calling me an escort or a sex worker. I think of myself as a service provider. I was like, nah, bitch at and t is a service provider.

[Sam Cokes]

You a hoe. Let's keep it real.

[Eric Ray Stone]

All right. Thank you. That's been my time.

[Brian Red Band]

Eric Ray Stone, welcome to the show.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Thank you, Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

Hell yeah. Your hair and everything. It seems like you would be crazier than you are. You, like, got it together. Yeah.

[Mason Davis]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

You look like you're gonna tell a bunch of people to go kill Sharon Tate.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, you do.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Look, you have cult leader energies, but you're just everyday night nice guy. That's right. I love it. Eric Ray Stone.

[Brian Red Band]

How old are you, Eric?

[Eric Ray Stone]

I'm 30.

[Brian Red Band]

30?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah, I know. Years have not been kind to me, have they?

[Brian Red Band]

What's been going on?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You have a cane?

[Brian Red Band]

For those of you listening to the

[Tony Henchcliffe]

podcast, like D madnesses, he has a cane.

[Eric Ray Stone]

I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What is that?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Ehlers Danlos syndrome. Eds. It means my connective tissue sucks. The only famous person I know that has it has Billie Eilish, but I don't have her theta, so nobody gives a shit.

[Brian Red Band]

So your connective tissue, like your tendons and things like, is that what that means?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah, tendons, ligaments and cartilage, you tear them a lot?

[Sam Cokes]

Yeah.

[Eric Ray Stone]

When I was younger, I played a lot of sports and did a lot of really stupid things, so I thought I was just getting injured because I was doing really stupid things. Yeah, it turns out no, God has a sense of humor too.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You're like Mr. Glass.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Landau]

Except he looks like a guy that would hang him.

[Redban]

You try fish oil?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, fish oil, very good. Red band, very good.

[Dave Landau]

What if that cured you right away?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah, this whole time.

[Dave Landau]

Stand up like grandpa in the Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory.

[Brian Red Band]

We love a good old.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Good old Dr. Redban over here recommending fish oil or Wendy's at 4am These are red bands, lists of vitamins.

[Brian Red Band]

Eric Ray Stone. How long you been on stand up?

[Eric Ray Stone]

A little over three years now.

[Brian Red Band]

Little over three years. You start here. Baltimore. Miami.

[Eric Ray Stone]

I started in Miami and then I went up to Baltimore for quite a bit of time and then I came back to Miami. Was working at the improv for a couple years down there.

[Brian Red Band]

Interesting. Yeah. The Miami improv man. Amazing. Was I ever there when you were there?

[Mason Davis]

You were, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Sounds about right. Were you working front door at sound booth? Front Door. They had you at front door. Dangerous position for a man with eds. Did you look like that when you were in Miami?

[Eric Ray Stone]

I'm sorry?

[Brian Red Band]

You look like. You look like that. You're the only guy that looks like that in Miami?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Pretty much.

[Brian Red Band]

You and Jorge Masvidal?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

The other ones with canes are pimping his girlfriend.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing. How long have you rocked the cane?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Ever since I had a hip reconstruction. That didn't exactly go great.

[Brian Red Band]

What happened?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Well, I was supposed to heal from the surgery and I didn't, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Did you try fish oil?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

You did?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Cocoa butter, ironically, they actually make you stop fish oil before you go into surgery. Like, that's one of the things they were really specific about. I was like, that's odd, but okay.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, interesting. No explanation for why they made you stop fish oil?

[Eric Ray Stone]

No, there was an explanation, but I smoke a lot of weed, so I don't remember exactly what it was.

[Brian Red Band]

That makes sense. Do you live in Austin now?

[Eric Ray Stone]

I do. I just moved to town about a month ago.

[Brian Red Band]

How do you like it so far?

[Eric Ray Stone]

I'm loving every minute of it.

[Michael Ridley]

It.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. What's a guy like you do for fun around here? I know everybody else said hikes earlier,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I'm guessing putting on the Ritz.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Look at him cracking up over here. Look at him just dying of laughter.

[Dave Landau]

That was funny.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you do for fun in Austin town, Texas?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Well, every day since I've been. Since I've been here, comedy. But I've actually been hanging out at Sunset Strip a lot. I got a lot of friends that work there.

[Brian Red Band]

Look at that. Look at that. Some fish. All right, tell us something crazy about your life, Eric. What's a fun fact that would surprise us about you? You ever do anything crazy or see anything crazy or family or anything?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah. So I found out not too long ago that apparently a lot of my family that was in Cuba, that are now millionaires here were political prisoners because we were very fond of explosives and not so fond of communists, so. Yeah, I did not know that.

[Brian Red Band]

Can you really just spell out what you just said?

[Eric Ray Stone]

I'd prefer not to, because there's, you know.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Dave Landau]

Well, he makes bombs, and he looks like a guy who makes bombs.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah. Guys with.

[Dave Landau]

He just finished his manifesto before he walks up here. And I mean that with love.

[Sketch]

That and the Ten Commandments.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You've been moseying along, Eric.

[Brian Red Band]

You have a look to you that is incomparable to most. Does this. Do you go on dates and stuff?

[Mason Davis]

Do you have a. Yeah.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Actually, I went on a date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever met about two weeks ago.

[Brian Red Band]

How'd it go? Great. Eric Ray Stone.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Not a fan of the organ music on that beat there.

[Brian Red Band]

How'd it go? What'd you guys do? You went to.

[Eric Ray Stone]

We went out to a bar with her friends and then we went dancing, which was not very dancing for me.

[Dave Landau]

That was her telling you to leave?

[Brian Red Band]

Well, yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eric Ray Stone]

I should have taken the hints.

[Brian Red Band]

We're gonna go dancing if you want to go. You're like, like, sure, let's go.

[Eric Ray Stone]

I like a challenge. What can I say?

[Dave Landau]

We're gonna run a marathon.

[Brian Red Band]

What kind of dancing was it? Was it like Latino music or.

[Eric Ray Stone]

No, it was Texas two step, and I have no idea how to do that.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, you can barely take one step. It's incredible. Absolutely amazing. You didn't know how to do it,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

but did you learn?

[Brian Red Band]

Did she show you?

[Eric Ray Stone]

She tried.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Have you guys talked since then?

[Brian Red Band]

Does this look like something that's going to continue?

[Eric Ray Stone]

Probably not. I told her way too much about my family and history, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, you explained to her whatever you said.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yep.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, that'll do it. Yep.

[Sam Cokes]

Yeah, she had.

[Eric Ray Stone]

What's funny is we then made out afterwards, so, like, it didn't seem like a deal breaker, but then she blocked me the next day.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, well, there you go.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That's what happens when you cane block plastic girl.

[Redban]

It's probably all from the fish oil.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You probably have horrible oil. All right, the fish oil, very good. The running fish oil joke that literally only you laughed at callback.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it. Let's do. Let's do a big joke book for you. Eric Raystone.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

There it is. And there he goes. On to the next one we go. You guys still having fun out there? Very interesting bucket pulls this episode. A lot of names we've seen before. This is a back to back, three word name. Very interesting. A very rare treat. Three word name, back to back, two in a row. Make some noise for Jerry Debo Smith, everybody. Jerry Debo Smith.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Ah, the whites. Hey, a lot of people can't tell by looking at me, though. I like to tell people this all the time, but I'm actually mixed myself. My mom is white, my dad is black. So a lot of pros and cons to being a mixed kid. Like, the biggest con to being mixed is that I got high blood pressure and mesothelioma. That's fucked up, y' all laughing. But some mornings, I don't know what the fuck wrong with me. And here's the best part. This is the part I like the most. I have a big dick and a high credit score.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Burr

[Jerry Debo Smith]

my eyes up here, nigga. Get the fuck outta here. All right, I'm lying. Listen, my dick is huge, but my credit is fucked up, son. My dad told me a long time ago when I was a kid, he says, doesn't matter if you got good credit. If your dick big, you'll find some fat white woman to buy you anything you want. I said, niggas, you talking about my mother. I almost whooped his ass that day. That was the day. Thank you.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow. One of the performances of the night, the Kill Tony debut of Jerry Bebo Smith, Eagles Nation.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

My.

[Brian Red Band]

All right. You from Philly?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No, I'm from dc, but I live in San Antonio.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, welcome, welcome. How long have you lived in San Antonio?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Well, I started my career in San Antonio in 2010. They got my picture on the wall at Laugh Out Loud.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, very good. Very good.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I know he ain't asking me that, but I felt like a. Gotta shine. Gotta shine.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Is your picture on the wall anywhere else, Jerry? Perhaps

[Tony Henchcliffe]

a convenience store or something?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No, sir. No, sir. I ain't never been to jail, not a day in my life. And I'm caught up on my child support for the rest of you motherfuckers, too.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I love it. How many children do you have, Jerry?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I have three.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

And they all got their own mother because they need the special attention. If you gonna have them, that's how you have them.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That is funny.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Thank you. I've never heard that twist on being a terrible father before. You're a funny guy.

[Brian Red Band]

Thank you.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I appreciate that.

[Brian Red Band]

So you've been doing it about 14 years?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

14 in November?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. I love it. It is November.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah. Oh, I mean.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, upcoming November.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No. Oh, last month. Then I missed something.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, October.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

October.

[D Madness]

You.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Congratulations. Congratulations.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I've been over there for two hours.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it. Jerry Debo Smith. Why do you go by three names?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Because, like, a lot of my name is Jerry Smith. Cause I'm fucking white. My mom thought that shit would be cool in the hoods of dc, so I had to smack a lot of niggas around to get Deebo in the name and shit. So that's my real nickname. So I like to go by my nickname when I'm on stage. I don't want to go by Jerry Smith. Nobody will come see me.

[Brian Red Band]

I like it, though.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I get it. You have a Deebo hoodie, but it's with Seinfeld.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Seinfeld, that's my favorite show, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk over you and shit.

[Brian Red Band]

No, that's great.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

But that's me sitting on Seinfeld couch smoking a blunt and shit. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Red Band]

I love it.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

That's my merch. If y' all want to buy it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Jerry D. Bowsmith.com Seinfeld's really your favorite show?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah, it's my favorite show.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow, you really are a Jerry. That is.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

That is.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

The last per minute on that show is amazing.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I totally agree. You ever watch Golden Girls?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah, I do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

LPMs for days.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Like. Like, I swear.

[Dave Landau]

Your mom picked the television, didn't she?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No, I did. That's my favorite show. Yeah, my mom died way before Seinfeld came on.

[Dave Landau]

I'm sorry.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No, don't. It's all good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

How did your mom die?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

1995, she had.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, no. Seinfeld was banging.

[D Madness]

Did it.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I thought it started in, like, 89. I mean, 90. 98. I'm sorry. I'm high dog. This a samurai. All right. The he say what the. And I look back, and this a samurai on the jumps. All right, we both fucked up over here. A sleeveless samurai. Get that nigga.

[Aya]

I'm sorry.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I don't mean. They told me not to talk over y' all and let me shut the fuck up. I feel weird being up here. Cause I feel like I'm for sale. There's too many white people in here.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You're doing great. You're doing great. You're not for sale. Okay.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

All right. Just know I got bad knees, nigga. I ain't going in the fields.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You got better knees than the last guy.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I seen him. That's funny as shit.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I'm gonna be quiet. I'm waiting for you now.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You're doing good.

[Brian Red Band]

You're doing good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Let the laughter die. Let it die. Anyway, when did your mom die?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

In 1995.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

But how. How did she die?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Kidney failure.

[D Madness]

You.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Did she have.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Y' all gonna see a kill somebody here tonight.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Did she have diabetes or.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No? No, she didn't. She was white. Diabetes is on my dad's side. That's on the other side.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. She just had random kidney failure.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No. Well, she's. I don't want to put her business out there, but she used to smoke cocaine and, you know, like.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, okay. It's all right.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

She met your dad.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ain't wrong, though. It ain't like he wasn't a drug dealer and shit.

[Brian Red Band]

Red Band is wondering how to have kidney failure from cocaine. Is that a common thing I don't know anything about?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Well, no, I just. I don't know. I don't think that's. I mean, she used to do. That's the only thing I can say, you know what I'm saying? That she used to do drugs and she had no other problems other than

[Redban]

that she was snorting it wrong?

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Snorting it. I probably was. I didn't come here to kill nobody. But I'm about to kill one of these four on this stage. I got one more, mama. Joking. I. I'mma somebody up show y' all why my name is Debo.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, Jerry. Relax, Jerry.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I'm just playing. I'm just playing. I'm just with y'.

[Matt Walker]

All.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I'm having fun.

[Sketch]

Yo mama's so fat.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

The all the way in the corner talking. I wouldn't be at. Look, the police. I wouldn't be able to get to you and.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Hey, Debo.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Yes, sir.

[Dave Landau]

You should take his chain.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

That shit fake.

[Dave Landau]

That's his.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, shit.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

That's shining like a motherfucker. It's fake and your eyes crossed a little bit. They got you, my nigga.

[Sketch]

It was close. It was a close call.

[Brian Red Band]

Are all your kids in one city or.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

No? No, my oldest son is 13 and my daughter is 12 and they live in Virginia. And my son, I have a seven year old here in Texas.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, that's right. We can't play that anymore. Else YouTube will get us in trouble. All right. So, so interesting, Jerry. So, so funny.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Amazing stuff.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

First time you've seen a comic from San Antonio would be funny, huh?

[Brian Red Band]

We've had a couple. We've had a couple.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

I watched the show. I watched the show and them are

[Brian Red Band]

like, you might be the best. You might be the best.

[Redban]

I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

And here's the big joke book sign up again. Come back. We need people like you, Jerry Debo Smith. All right, we're gonna fly through these last two bucket pulls real quick. Turbo rounds. Brand new minute coming at you. This looks like another new name. Make some noise for Sam Cokes, everybody. Sam Cokes.

[Sam Cokes]

Do you ever see like a super cut homeless guy and just feel terrible about yourself? Fuck the gym. I'm gonna start fighting my demons on street corners. That's some high intensity interval training right there. I had a date recently. It was a first date. The topic of hobbies came up. Now, I like hunting, but what's worse is I can only really afford to hunt squirrels, so. Yeah, I mentioned that. And there's nothing to gain by admitting you're a squirrel hunter on a first date. Yeah. That is a lose lose situation. If you're wondering. Because death responded, like this gal did, which is, oh, my God, get this redneck asshole away from me. Or they can be into it, which I think is worse somehow, if they're like, oh, my God, you kill rodents and skin them and eat their flesh. Wow, you're such a provider. That's so masculine. That could be dicey. That could be dicey. I don't know if I'm equipped for that, but that's my time, guys. Thank you.

[Brian Red Band]

Sam.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Cokes. Hello, Sam.

[Sam Cokes]

Hello.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

How are you?

[Brian Red Band]

How long you been on stand up?

[Sam Cokes]

Almost a year. Almost a year.

[Brian Red Band]

Where at?

[Sam Cokes]

Mostly in Austin.

[Brian Red Band]

Where at before that?

[Sam Cokes]

Oh, you know. Shakespeare's.

[Brian Red Band]

No, but where before Austin?

[Sam Cokes]

Oh, a little in Detroit, but mostly here in Austin.

[Brian Red Band]

Is that where you're originally from?

[Sam Cokes]

No, I'm from Ontario, Canada. A town called Sarnia. Yes.

[Brian Red Band]

What is it?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sarnia.

[Sam Cokes]

Sarnia.

[Eric Ray Stone]

Yeah.

[Sam Cokes]

Like Narnia with an S. Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Someone booing you. There you go.

[Matt Walker]

Yeah.

[D Madness]

What the hell, man?

[Sam Cokes]

What the.

[Brian Red Band]

You do look a little Trudeau esque.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I will say that. You got the before. Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Throw on some blackface, we'll know for sure.

[Tim Warner]

Yeah, right.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We're gonna find out a bit Trudeau,

[Brian Red Band]

you know what I'm saying?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Sam Cokes]

I. I do sales, Tony.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What are you selling, Sam?

[Sam Cokes]

Eight. I do H Vac. Says I'm going door to door. Selling. That's right. I know. I realize. I feel like I'm leaving a wake of, like, mildly annoyed people behind me the whole time. I haven't really reconciled that, but it's fun. I enjoy it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Tell us the craziest thing about your life.

[Sam Cokes]

Well, the craziest thing. I mean, I lived in a van in Australia for a year.

[Brian Red Band]

Why?

[Sam Cokes]

Yeah, so that was kind of. That was exciting.

[Brian Red Band]

But why?

[Sam Cokes]

I was planting trees there. I was planting trees in Australia.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, why?

[Sam Cokes]

For money.

[Brian Red Band]

You got paid to plant trees?

[Sam Cokes]

It's a good coin. Yeah. A lot of people think it's volunteer work, but you actually get paid per tree, and once you get good at it, it's actually pretty good.

[Brian Red Band]

How much do you get paid for planting a tree in American money?

[Sam Cokes]

I never planted trees here, only Canada and Australia. But it's like various. Only 10 to 25 cents per tree. But you plant thousands a day, so it adds up.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Even the Mexicans are like, what the f. See all of their faces just like, dude.

[Cam Patterson]

What?

[Redban]

Dude.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Dude, that's cheap.

[Brian Red Band]

Dude, get the out of here, bro. What the.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You guys ever hear of something so crazy? White boys planting trees for a dime.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Dave Landau]

I guess people do come here to do the white people jobs.

[Sam Cokes]

Here's the thing, though. You plant thousands a day, okay? So, you know, you can make pretty good. Pretty good money. It's hard work, but it's fun to live in the middle of nowhere, have crazy parties in the bush with a bunch of weird hippie people. It's cool.

[Brian Red Band]

Very cool. Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

That's $100.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mason Davis]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

But I guess that's a lot for a little Canadian boy. What do you think's the most Canadian thing about you?

[Sam Cokes]

Most Canadian thing about me? I don't know, man. I didn't play hockey. That's pretty Canadian, I think. Planting trees, man. Like, that's pretty Canadian. Like. Like, I have a lot of trees. Most Canadian thing about me, man, I don't know that I hate Trudeau. I think that's pretty Canadian. That's pretty. That's a consensus these days. Like, that guy kind of sucks.

[Brian Red Band]

Were there any black people where you were raised?

[Eric Ray Stone]

No.

[Sam Cokes]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

Were there any Mexicans?

[Sam Cokes]

No Mexicans either? No.

[Dave Landau]

What's heaven like?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

Amazing

[Tony Henchcliffe]

this is.

[Sam Cokes]

I enjoyed it. I don't know why I left. Honestly, in hindsight, it's pretty. Pretty good up there.

[Dave Landau]

Sounds quiet,

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sam. Here's a little joke book. We're flying through the rest of this episode. There goes Sam Cokes, everybody. Got through a lot of bucket pools tonight. This is our 10th and final bucket pool of the night. This young lady's been on this show before. It's been a long time. Make some noise for a brand new minute from Gina Hyena, everybody. Gina Hyena.

[Gina Hyena]

I'm not even goth. I just dress like this because my ex used to hit me. Every once in a while, I have somebody come up after the show and be like, that's awful. You don't deserve that. And it's just, like, get to know me better, you know? It's my fault. It's totally my fault. Not just because I talk back, but it's my fault because I dated a pimp for four years. Yeah, that should have been a fling. My dumb ass tried to turn a trap house into a trap home. It's. Yeah, calm down. He wasn't. He wasn't black. Texas it was. I'm Italian. I couldn't do that to my Italian family. You know, like, I could take a criminal home, but I'm not gonna push it. It's. It is embarrassing. He was half Italian, half Jewish. Perfect crossbreed for a pimp. Strong backhand, but fiscally responsible. Embarrassing. Embarrassing to hold it down for a cheap criminal. Embarrassing to waste your twenties or tight your youthful outlook. Date a guy that hits you when he didn't even play for the NFL. When I meet young girls, I tell them, date an athlete. Just don't take the elevator. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Boom. One minute, nine seconds. Gina Hyena. Punchline, punchline, punchline, punchline, punchline. Amazing.

[Brian Red Band]

Welcome back. It's been a long time since we've seen you. How's it going?

[Gina Hyena]

Oh, great. I haven't been here. This is awesome.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Fantastic.

[Brian Red Band]

Where you been?

[Gina Hyena]

I've been in Philly. I live in New York now. I've been doing shows in San Diego, Albany. It's been fun.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it. I love it. Amazing, Amazing set. What else is going on?

[Gina Hyena]

I mean, just. I'm just trying to get into comedy. I got to get more online, so this is. This is awesome to be here. It's awesome to see you guys in this. This is fucking fantastic.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

A fantastic set.

[Gina Hyena]

Trying to write, trying to bring it more to life. That's all true on that whole thing.

[Brian Red Band]

Didn't you live here for a while?

[Gina Hyena]

I did. I lived here 2018-2020. So I moved down here out of the blue. That was actually. Cause when I was dating that guy, some shit got hot, allegedly. And I moved to Texas. Didn't know anybody. And then I started comedy a year later. Cause I was like, nobody knows me. I can have a stage name, whatever. And then lost my job during COVID Had to move back to New York. And then everybody from comedy moved here. I've been kicking myself and trying to come back as much as I can.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it.

[Dave Landau]

So you're hiding from a pimp on one of the biggest shows in the world.

[Gina Hyena]

Entertainment podcast comedy. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, I think he quit. He had quite a portfolio, but that was. That's, like the most. Most fun one to talk about, you

[Brian Red Band]

know, he got out. He got out of Pimpin.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah. Now he's a real. Real estate. Real estate. He grew into the Jewish jeans.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, good. He went from.

[Gina Hyena]

And I didn't get one. Gucci bought me Michael Kors once. I. That's the only time I thought I was gonna rat on him.

[Brian Red Band]

Pimping to real estate.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Who goes from hoes to hoes. So stupid.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I'm not going to going. I'm not going host at homes with you. Our own inside jokes.

[Dave Landau]

It's nice you find an industry to be a bigger piece of shit.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah. For real. For real. No, I actually, we. It wasn't even that that made me break up with him. He told me he wanted to get me pregnant. And that's when I like finally like, pictured it from a third party perspective. He met my family, whole thing.

[Dave Landau]

Did the doctor say, try not to punch the baby?

[Gina Hyena]

How else are you gonna know it's breathing?

[Michael Ridley]

True.

[Dave Landau]

And if you shake them too hard, you don't know.

[Gina Hyena]

I like the idea of coaching, being like, slip. Right. You know, I know all his moves now. I got away from that, moved down here, moved back, got.

[Brian Red Band]

Are you dating anyone now?

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah, I'm actually dating a psychiatrist. Not my psychiatrist, but I'm not that hot. No, it's. He's great. He's.

[Brian Red Band]

He's.

[Gina Hyena]

He's great. He's awesome. I have no to talk about him. I could talk about dating down here all day.

[Brian Red Band]

How long have you been with this psychiatrist?

[Gina Hyena]

About eight months now.

[Brian Red Band]

And what's that? Like, does he.

[Gina Hyena]

He communicates. It's weird as.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, he like, asks you about you.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. And then just sits there and listens.

[Gina Hyena]

He listens.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Gina Hyena]

It's like Coco the Gorilla. Like, you just like, communicates back. It's weird as.

[Brian Red Band]

That's wild.

[Aya]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

That is why.

[Gina Hyena]

Yeah. Not. I'm not used to it. Like, the first time he ever asked me if I needed reassurance, I thought we were about to fight. Like, I didn't know the. That was supposed to be like. Yeah, I'm his muse.

[Brian Red Band]

It's Gina.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You are very, very funny.

[Brian Red Band]

Red band.

[Redban]

Are you in town this week?

[Gina Hyena]

I am.

[Redban]

I'd love to have you back on the secret show.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

There you go. Another one.

[Gina Hyena]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It's been a while since we've seen you. Do you have a one of these? Gina, you have one of these? There you go, Gina. Hyena. Booyah. Follow her. Eggs and hot sauce. The letter N. Eggs and hot sauce. All right, this is it. We did it. 10 bucket pulls down. Absolutely fantastic episode of the show. There's only one way to put a ribbon on it. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Kill. Tony hall of fame record holder for all time appearances on the show, all time interviews, a man like no other in this show's history. Tens and tens, perhaps hundreds of Hours of entertainment given to us by who some people call the Memphis Strangler. The Zipper epic Zorro. The vicar of the vape pen. The vanilla gorilla. The Virgin of Virginia. This is indeed the big red machine, William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Tony. First off, you know, I'm not a virgin, and, you know I don't smoke

[Tony Henchcliffe]

a vape in, so.

[William Montgomery]

And also just, I hope the girl who's just on realizes that I think a lot of the time psychiatrists are psychopaths. So I hope she realizes that. I tried to join a gang, but

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I couldn't even pass a background truck.

[William Montgomery]

Despite repeatedly saying he would never do it, Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter. And I'm going to be honest, I had no idea that knocking up a stripper after having sex with your dead brother's widow was a crime. It also shouts out to Hagrid in the crowd tonight, it looks like we got Hagrid from Harry Potter out there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Employees at A Planet Fitness recently found a guy who had been dead in a tanning bed for three days. The good news is he smelled like shit. The bad news, he had.

[D Madness]

God damn it, I messed it up. Red band, why'd you play the song?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

He was dead in the tanning bed for three days. The bad news is he smelled like shit. The good news, his skin had enough nice glow to it.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay, thank you. He has done it again. Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest, reddest machine of them all, William Lights out, Thunder Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

So nice to be here tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

We love you, William.

[William Montgomery]

Tony, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Tony and I in red band, we spent Thanksgiving.

[Brian Red Band]

We did have a big, wonderful Thanksgiving together. We had a big family Thanksgiving, family style.

[William Montgomery]

It was wonderful. Tony actually brought some really good baked ham, and red band brought a bowl of marshmallows. Like, the little marshmallows. It was like, the dumbest. It was like the stupidest thing. It's like what a little child would bring or something. It really was, like, the stupidest. But your ham. You did. Tony, was wonderful. And then I had a wonderful Native American Heritage Day after that. And, Tony, that's where I actually got my hair done. I went to.

[Dave Landau]

Oh.

[William Montgomery]

So I was able to. I told him to do it in Rasta colors. But, yes, it is for Native American Heritage Day. I was able to get it on Friday.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

You see, you looked like both a

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Native American and a pilgrim at the same time.

[Mason Davis]

How fun.

[William Montgomery]

But, yeah, it was fun. And then I've gotten to. You're not going to want to hear this, Tony. I've gotten to practice Prestige number seven in Call of Duty. We just experienced which Tony is. Is a pretty big deal. Most people I'm playing with in these. In these game rooms or, I don't know, Prestige three or four or something. I'm a Prestige seven right now, so.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Do you know about Call of Duty? You're more of a Madden guy, right?

[Sketch]

But sir, but Call of Duty.

[William Montgomery]

Do you know about that at all?

[Sketch]

Oh, yeah, I. I don't play it, but I do know about it.

[William Montgomery]

So Prestige 7 is pretty good, right?

[Sketch]

It's pretty impressive.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Along with that hairline.

[William Montgomery]

No, that was like. That was a nice thing. That was a nice thing.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Sketch is. Is ready. People are trying to start. Sketch chants out there in the crowd. His first time in front of a live audience has bullets in the chamber. Ready to go. Absolutely ready.

[William Montgomery]

So it's nice so.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Right?

[Danny V]

It was.

[Sketch]

It was awesome.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

What?

[Sketch]

What was nice?

[William Montgomery]

No, you were being nice saying that at the hairline. Like there was like a nice thing, Right?

[Sketch]

Oh, I like it a little. Ben Frank.

[William Montgomery]

Okay. Help me, Tony.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What's going on?

[Brian Red Band]

You're doing good.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You're doing good. What's going on?

[Brian Red Band]

I don't think anyone's ever referred to you as Ben Frank Franklin like before. But I do see it and I'm surprised no one has.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. My gosh. I'll take it. Right around Thanksgiving.

[Redban]

It's fun.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you.

[Brian Red Band]

Maybe you guys can fly kites after this together. Have you ever flown a kite before, William?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, one time I was in Destin, Florida, Tony. And I was able to. They used to have those big spools that you could. Big things of string for the kites. And I remember connecting two of those big spools together. And the kite got so high up in the air and a storm came in and. And I was having to hold the spool down by the sand because it was shocking me, Tony. It was up that high. So I got a cut up really high one time.

[Brian Red Band]

Did you look like that before?

[William Montgomery]

No, it was when I started losing my hair and.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I like the. Okay, okay.

[William Montgomery]

That didn't make sense. Idiot. Like, I'm bombing up here. I'm not even in a good mood right now now.

[Brian Red Band]

And didn't make sense. I do like the green shirt. You're obviously winding up for the Christmas spirit. Perhaps you're going to get more Christmasy each appearance this December.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

I am.

[William Montgomery]

I am so excited. We are in the month of Christmas. We're in quarter four, month of Christmas. It is my Favorite time of the year. So, Tony, get ready for it. I'm going to be getting even more Christmas. Christmasy as we get closer to Christmas. So everybody get really excited for that.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

You like to rattle off some of your favorite things about.

[Brian Red Band]

About Christmas. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, William Montgomery, rattling off some of his favorite Christmas things.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What excites you about Christmas?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. I mean, you get family and friends coming together.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

All right, we're obviously, we're starting with the.

[Brian Red Band]

With the lighter stuff here. Yeah, it's gonna get more exciting as it goes.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Here he goes.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, you get family and friends. I mean, sometimes you might get like, wait, Tony, hold on. My throat. I'm really still not doing okay.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Just rattle stuff off. Doesn't matter.

[Brian Red Band]

You don't have to scream it.

[William Montgomery]

William doing so bad. Tony and I have this horrible fever right now.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm doing really bad right now. Really depressing. You can literally have said anything in the world other than that.

[William Montgomery]

It would have been better, but my mom's angel cookies. Really looking forward to those.

[Brian Red Band]

I mean, okay, that's one thing. What else?

[William Montgomery]

Chocolate chip cookies.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, naming different types of cookies, ladies and gentlemen. This is not going as I expected it to go at all.

[William Montgomery]

What happened there?

[Brian Red Band]

You want to find out what happened did happen.

[William Montgomery]

Were they all drunk or. How'd y' all knock it over?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Oh, you had to have your arm

[Brian Red Band]

around your lady there.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We started talking about Christmas.

[Brian Red Band]

This guy was trying to get cozy

[Dave Landau]

with the nipples. Give everybody new Covid.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Perhaps. Perhaps it could be a winter of death and danger for your families. According to WhiteHouse.gov somebody was sick.

[William Montgomery]

So I was talking on the microphone. Was sick.

[Dave Landau]

No, can't cleaned it off. Thank God. Yeah,

[William Montgomery]

because that's something I start thinking about, Tony. I'm like, oh, my God. What if somebody before me is sick? It's like I'm gonna get sick up in this. Like, sometimes I'm not even.

[Dave Landau]

One guy could barely walk.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Yeah, it's true.

[Brian Red Band]

It's true.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

He had a cane. And spoiler alert, it was not a candy cane. Rattling off some of William favorite Christmas things. But you could tell by the music

[Brian Red Band]

and the sleigh bells.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Here he is with some more Christmas things master improviser William Montgomery. You can say anything Christmas related. People are literally yelling out things. All you have to do is repeat them into the microphone for the millions of people watching at home. Here he goes. Christmas thing things with William Montgomery. You hear the sleigh bells. Here he goes. Perhaps the lighting is going to help him rattle off some Christmas things to put a ribbon on this episode.

[William Montgomery]

Candy canes and stickers bars and butterfingers and Snickers bars and candy canes on Christmas. Candy canes and snickers bars and snickers bars and candy canes and candy canes at Christmas. Christmas this year is going to be fun at my mama's house. We're going to get a dog for Christmas this year. That's what my dad says.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. Amazing. William Montgomery Montgomery. Okay. How loud can this place get for the great and powerful William Montgomery? We did it again. This episode is brought to you by Zippix, our amazing sponsor. Here's some cinnamon zipix for the holiday season. Some sweet whiskey for this guy. Some zipix. Ooh, peppermint watermelon. Is there perhaps a cool black guy?

[Brian Red Band]

Nope. All right.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

It's going to a Latino. There you go. All right. El mocha. All right. There you go.

[Brian Red Band]

A little mocha.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Thank you, Zippix. The drawing from Ryan Je Belt is in. How loud can this place get for sketch? Ladies and gentlemen, his first time in front of a live audience. Check us. I mean, you're. You probably already follow him on Twitch and YouTube. He's a global superstar. But if you don't follow him there, he streams Davelandow.com. that's L-A N D A U dot com. Hilarious. Tonight, he's on tour. Go to Davelandow.com for tickets and check out Normal World on Blaze TV featuring Dave Landau. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Over there. Oh, John D's. Look at that. That's you, John.

[Brian Red Band]

That's what you look like. It is.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

That's good, right?

[Tony Henchcliffe]

We are going to be auctioning that off after the show. We're gonna also auction finishing off the painting.

[Jerry Debo Smith]

What do you say?

[D Madness]

Oh, no, you d. Oh.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

What do you say?

[Brian Red Band]

Nothing.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

John D's on keys. How about one more time for the best stand band in the land, everybody. We did it. Thank you all. Red band. Check out the Sunset Strip. Atx.com Love you guys. This is it. This is your last chance to get this stream for.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, you have a.

[Tony Henchcliffe]

Have another week. Yeah. New Year's Eve, the stream is on sale. You're gonna want to see it live. December 30th and 31st. Completely sold out two arenas. We're doing it again here in Austin, Texas, the new comedy capital of the world. God bless you all and God. God bless the United States of America. Thank you, everybody. Good night,

[D Madness]

Sam.