#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS

Summary

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Kill Tony #703 – Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias

Date: February 4, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Special Guest: Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias

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Episode Overview

In a highly anticipated episode, Kill Tony welcomes comedy superstar Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias to the panel for his debut appearance. With signature energy and a packed house, Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban guide the night through live stand-up, wild interviews, and crowd interactions. New and returning comedians take the stage for their shot, but nothing captures chaos quite like the deeply personal, raunchy, and hilarious stories that emerge from Kill Tony’s time-honored bucket system.

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Key Moments & Segments

1. Fluffy’s Grand Entrance and Banter

Timestamp: 04:27 – 06:16

• Tony and Redban hype Gabriel Iglesias’ first Kill Tony, joking he’s a dream guest since “the show’s inception 12 and a half years ago.”
• Lively introduction from the Grooveline band, with John D. poking fun at the “actual Mexicans playing that” for Fluffy’s intro.
• Quick tequila and "gay Vegas" vodka-Red Bulls set the party mood.
• Fluffy immediately gels with the panel, joking about the band’s racial separation (“Mexicans on one side, black people on the other”) (05:31), establishing the tone.

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2. The Format Explained

Timestamp: 06:17 – 07:14

• Redban explains how 212 aspiring comedians are across the street, awaiting their shot at 60 seconds on stage—timed by a kitten’s meow and the threat of the “angry West Hollywood bear.”

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3. Comedians’ Sets & Panel Feedback

a. Jack Shaw:

Timestamp: 07:14 – 14:24

• High-energy Jewish comedian opens (“Time for the Jewish portion of the show, guys.” – 07:27).
• Stories of Muay Thai, Prozac, and family dysfunction. Prozac gave him “the confidence to do comedy” (09:40).
• Panel riffs on Jewish stereotypes and “Jew Bitch” Muay Thai nickname.
• Reveals father’s comedy writing past (Hollywood Squares, The Nanny) and family’s “very Jewish” house.
• Memorable moment: “The most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people.” (13:59–14:10)

b. Tim Hanlon:

Timestamp: 15:05 – 22:32

• Jokes about Muslims being sober and how he'd have to “get hammered” for a suicide mission.
• Light ribbing from the panel about the riskiness of “Muslim jokes” and pushing taboo topics.
• Shares that he’s been on Prozac and standup since 2010; talks about LA vs. Austin life.

c. Jason Vest:

Timestamp: 23:09 – 37:47

• Veteran, former Cub Scout, and “internet freak” confesses to wild sexual escapades:
  • “I jerked off a Scout leader with a Nintendo Power Glove in the back of a 1986 Ford Escort.” (23:27)
  • Details foot fetish content for radio and online, and enables one of Kill Tony’s wildest interview segments: his Top 3 Freakiest Things Ever Done:
    1. Butthole fingered by a big woman at Waffle House (31:30)
    2. Paid a “South Korean woman” to “shit on his chest” (was actually a Filipino man!) (32:15–34:07)
    3. Unintentional footjob to completion for a Mexican on a Greyhound bus (35:39)
• The panel, audience, and Fluffy lose it repeatedly. "You are a freak."
• “You look like a wild, eclectic character... I bet you have a bunch of stuff on your walls at home.” (30:00)

d. Trev:

Timestamp: 38:42 – 46:29

• Set about losing virginity to a deaf girl, cocaine “habit,” lies about being a porn star (“Pro bono attorney at raw”).
• Panel quickly teases him about job, dad life (kids in San Antonio), his “one wheel” electric skateboard hobby, and ordinary post-divorce dad dating—juxtaposed to Jason’s outlandish stories.
• “Somehow you just destroyed Jason Vest as the gay comedian.” – Tony (42:12)

e. Cam Patterson (Regular):

Timestamp: 47:06 – 52:09

• Easily steals the room with reactions to the preceding chaos:
  “We should just stop the show at Jason. There’s no topping that n****, dawg. It made me angry how he started with, what's number three? I had a finger in my asshole.” (47:10)
• Details his “real relationship with crackheads” in his family and crowd-work with the panel and audience.

f. Eddie Larsa:

Timestamp: 53:40 – 61:20

• Jokes about Uber drivers (female/Asian stereotypes) and his bartending/comedy hustle.
• Describes himself as a felon for assaulting police officers while on acid in college (“I ate acid for two months straight…” – 59:19)
• Fluffy and John D. encourage him to lean into zanier real-life stories over generic Uber material.

g. Michael Scott:

Timestamp: 61:35 – 76:02

• Set focused on rapper Mystikal’s time as a minesweeper.
• Reveals he’s an ex-amateur MMA fighter (record: 2–2, jiu jitsu purple belt), works as a valet, and recently broke up with a fellow comic in Austin (“We broke up in the car on the way to an open mic”—70:57).

h. Yale Reams:

Timestamp: 76:55 – 88:54

• New in Austin from Columbus, OH. Well-crafted jokes about his girlfriend’s food-stealing and her cat’s feline AIDS (“Meowgic Johnson”).
• Discusses being financially supported by “real engineer” girlfriend, getting ‘fat and happy,’ and “gold digger to Golden Corral” transition.
• Crowd and panel get a demonstration of how he “eats pussy” (85:00).

i. Sandy:

Timestamp: 89:15 – 101:52

• Inland Empire service tech on his birthday, does crowd work, tells stories about strippers, dating homeless women, and “I like midgets” jokes.
• Cuts off finger in a UPS cart accident (demonstrates hand for crowd—95:47), only received $4,000 settlement.
• Fluffy and Tony riff about the dangers and uses of a half-finger, including "finger poof" for clitoral stimulation.

j. Rob Edwards:

Timestamp: 102:54 – 114:28

• Brings seasoned rhythm to the stage; jokes about accidental pregnancies, red vs blue states, Confederate flag as a reminder to “pull out.”
• Seven years in comedy, plumber by day in San Francisco (“A lot of old Asian money in those houses, I’m the first n**** to ever go in…”).
• Shares about crazy plumbing jobs, mental habits, and near-misses with “crazy” Puerto Rican exes and almost getting stabbed in a kitchen.
• “Race wise, I don’t think as long as you attractive and you know…” (111:54)
• Panel praises his confidence and asks him to do a longer set.

k. Ari Maddie (Regular):

Timestamp: 115:17 – 124:54

• Estonian assassin closes with hurricane and poverty jokes.
• Wild crowd work as panel encourages him to “blur” a Nazi salute (explained as autism spectrum behavior).
• Flameout/giveaway: Fluffy learns he has unintentionally left thousands in merch all over the world (123:08).

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Notable Quotes

• Tony Hinchcliffe (about Fluffy’s intro): “The one and the only, the great and the powerful, Gabriel Iglesias.” (04:27)
• Cam Patterson (on Jason Vest): “We should just stop the show at Jason. There’s no topping that n****, dawg.” (47:10)
• Jason Vest (on his freakiest deeds):
  • “I paid a South Korean woman to shit on my chest at the Oriental Health and Massage in Jackson, Michigan. Later… it was a 47-year-old Filipino man.” (32:15, 34:07)
• Yale Reams (on gold-digging): “I went from gold digger to Golden Corral.” (82:03)
• Rob Edwards (asked about race preference): “Honestly, the only color I care about is pink.” (111:41)
• Tony Hinchcliffe (to Fluffy, on leaving merch): “You are so, so rich, dude, you don’t even need it… this is like a guy Forbes writes about.” (124:23)

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Approx. Start | |-----------------------------------------------------|------------------| | Main panel intro & Fluffy arrival | 04:27 | | Explanation of bucket & format | 06:17 | | Jack Shaw | 07:14 | | Tim Hanlon | 15:05 | | Jason Vest & The Freakiest Segment | 23:09 | | Trev | 38:42 | | Cam Patterson (regular) | 47:06 | | Eddie Larsa | 53:40 | | Michael Scott | 61:35 | | Yale Reams | 76:55 | | Sandy | 89:15 | | Rob Edwards | 102:54 | | Ari Maddie (regular, closing) | 115:17 |

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Memorable Moments

• Jason Vest’s Freakiest 3: An infamous kill Tony segment now, Jason’s confessions blast the panel and crowd into hysterics and become a highlight of the episode (31:30–36:47).
• Fluffy Flabbergasted: Fluffy’s discovery that he has abandoned merch in countries around the world leads to major laughs for all.
• Live Demonstration: Audience and panel get a comedic masterclass on “eating pussy while fat” from Yale Reams (85:04).
• Birthday Finger Reveal: Sandy shocks the crowd showing his missing left index finger and joking about the payout and what he can and can’t do (95:47–100:10).
• Rob Edwards on “Pink” and Plumbing: Rob’s deadpan delivery on relationship and plumber life is a crowd and panel favorite, lauded for authenticity and stage presence (110:00–113:12).

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Final Thoughts

Not all chaos is created equal—tonight’s Kill Tony delivers one of its most outrageously memorable episodes, blending Fluffy’s star power with comics whose real-life experience, sexual deviancy, and blue-collar authenticity keep the panel and crowd on their toes. The interview sections—often funnier (and certainly wilder) than the prepared material—are a testament to the spontaneity that makes Kill Tony the #1 live podcast.

A+ for trainwreck magic, and Fluffy, you survived Kill Tony.

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Red Band]

Tickets are on sale for all my upcoming stand updates. Detroit, Atlantic City, Niagara Falls, Mount Pleasant, Michigan, West Valley City, AKA Salt Lake City, Utah, Reno, Nevada, Anaheim, California and Las Vegas, Nevada. Tickets for sale now for my stand up comedy featuring some of your favorite characters from the show, especially me. All Tickets [e-mail] right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up on Tony. Let's go. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

[Red Band]

Yee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Austin, Texas. Who's with us? Make some fucking noise, huh? Make some noise for Red Ban everybody, huh? Yes.

[Red Band]

Very exciting, very exciting stuff. How about another hand for the best stem band in the land, everybody? That is indeed the huevos ranchero side of the room, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is Grooveline.

[Red Band]

Horns, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on the horns, Big Mike Michael Gonzalez on the drums,

[Red Band]

the great Matt the Mutilator Muling on the electric guitar, John

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dees on the keys. The leader of the band, the great and powerful D Madness on bass guitar. Everybody, the whole crew is here.

[Red Band]

Very, very exciting stuff in motion. A very fun episode ahead. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready to start tonight's episode, huh? Look, you guys, you guys know me.

[Red Band]

When I book this show, sometimes it's three guests deep, sometimes it's two guests, sometimes it's one guest, sometimes it's a guest who has done the show a record setting amount of times. And every once in a while you get to be here for the very first guest appearance of a comedian. This is one of those moments you will never forget. For it is indeed this comedian's first time ever joining us. A guest that I have wanted since the show's inception 12 and and a half years ago. I present to you one of the greatest comedians in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His first time in the Kill Tony universe. This is Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias. Oh yeah, baby. Let's fucking Go. Hey, hey. Gabrielle in glaciers it is. Gabrielle places. Yes, indeed. The one and the only, the great and the powerful, Gabriel Ingles. Oh, yeah, baby.

[John D.]

That is an amazing intro. I'm so glad you have actual Mexicans playing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are fresh off of watching pro wrestling together.

[John D.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at the Mexicans are even videotaping it. You know, we're, you know this whole thing's being videotaped, right? Fernando, I love it, man.

[John D.]

You got all the Mexicans on one side and the black people and one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. You got to keep them separated.

[John D.]

Keep them separated.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know if that's for Fernando or Raul that was videotaping. I get them all confused. I just know Carlos is on the sax. To be honest, I've never memorized which one was the other one. And it's got, I've gotten by it so far without anybody knowing.

[John D.]

Austin, how are you? Yeah, Tony, thank you for having me, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are so pumped up, dude. Hell yeah.

[John D.]

Can you please tell everybody what you're drinking again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a gay Vegas. It's a sugar free Red Bull and vodka. Wow.

[John D.]

Or upstairs. I go, hey, what is that? He goes, it's a gay Vegas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I go, what?

[John D.]

I like how you described it though. I, I, I might order one. Who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we're going to, we're going to

[Red Band]

have some fun tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this is your first time.

[Red Band]

So let me tell you. 212 human beings up tonight. Two one, two is the magic number.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They are loaded in a bar across the street.

[Red Band]

If I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That means they have to wrap it

[Red Band]

up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear and that rudely interrupts them. I conduct an interview with them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We find out more about them.

[Red Band]

They get to talk to my esteemed panelists, Gabriel Iglesias, get some information and some feedback and some intel on what they could be talking about. It's a live interview. Everything is improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show? Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, while we go wrangle our first bucket poll, let's get it started

[Red Band]

with one of our esteemed golden ticket winners. This, his boy is from Los Angeles, California, and he is in town one of the most recent golden ticket winners on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, to start the show,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this is a brand new minute from golden ticket winner, Jack Shaw.

[Tim Hanlon]

Oh.

[Jack Shaw]

Time for the Jewish portion of the show guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lock the door, gas the room.

[Jack Shaw]

Let's have a good time, okay?

[John D.]

Oh, man.

[Jack Shaw]

I love being Jewish in Texas, guys. I'm exotic here, dude. I am. I've been making shit up, dude. I've been telling people we still eat babies. I'm having a good time, man. Oh, you guys didn't like that? Okay, that's fine. It's okay, man. I was an angry kid growing up. I got in some fights growing up. One time at camp, this kid hit me in the head with a ping pong paddle. So I kicked him in the balls. And, like, I know that's a cheap shot, but I was such a bad counselor, okay? I'm trying to learn how to fight. I started taking a Muay Thai class, which was pretty cool. And I don't know why that's funny. You fuckers.

[Yale Reams]

Dude.

[Jack Shaw]

Jesus Christ. It was pretty cool. The first day I got there, I found out that everyone gets a nickname, and this is true. My nickname was Jew Bitch. The Latino guys had a field day with that one, dude. No pun intended, man. But I found out

[John D.]

he's at the field.

[Jack Shaw]

I found out that the only way to get a new nickname was to fight for it. So I stuck with the nickname. All right, thank you guys so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jack Shaw.

[Jack Shaw]

Fuck yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been doing Muay Thai. Is that what you call it? Muay Thai?

[Jack Shaw]

Isn't that what it is? Maybe I'm in the wrong class.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, you're with cows. Muay Thai.

[Red Band]

It's Moi.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, Muay Thai.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Moi, Moi.

[Jack Shaw]

Muy, muy, muy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[John D.]

He's Jewish, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's an accent. No, it's Muay Thai.

[Jack Shaw]

We're having a Muay Thai. What are we having for dinner tonight? Muay Thai. Okay.

[Tim Hanlon]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jack is a wild boy. High energy.

[Red Band]

Do you take anything? Are you on Ritalin or something?

[Jack Shaw]

Dude, I'm on Prozac.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Yale Reams]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

So you're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm a hug, everyone.

[Red Band]

Dude, this is. You kind of calm down then, I guess.

[Jack Shaw]

No, Prozac didn't really, like, calm you down. It actually kind of gave me the confidence to do comedy.

[Red Band]

Really? Wow.

[Jack Shaw]

Like, I was super nervous and afraid of everything, and then I got on that. It was super helpful. So. Yeah, that's not funny. But it's a good thing.

[Red Band]

Yeah, no, it's fine. How long have you been on Prozac?

[Jack Shaw]

About since I started. Four years.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

So you started Prozac and immediately you started stand up comedy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Look at that. That's like a Pfizer Ad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Happening. How much did they pay you for that?

[Jack Shaw]

Anything I could get, dude. I'll take any money. Okay.

[Red Band]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony Fauci Berg over here.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Incredible. What were you super afraid of? What were some of the things that you were most afraid of in the world? You seem like you're still afraid of a lot of stuff,

[Jack Shaw]

the outside in general. Dude, I didn't like going out there. I was afraid. I was depressed, man. I just didn't like myself and, you know, it made me feel okay to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

look in the mirror. Jesus Christ, bro, seriously.

[Jason Vest]

How about.

[John D.]

Hey, how's your day, man? We'll make a comic. Hey, hug me, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, look at that. Oh, yeah. Woo.

[John D.]

Oh, God. Dude, I'm not that dude. I take Prozac too, man, but don't ask me no questions about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you went from Muay Thai to mui Mexican over here. Jack.

[Red Band]

How's life been? You've been here in Austin during all the fires? You're based out of la?

[Jack Shaw]

Yep, yep, I. I've been out here, dude. Life's been good.

[John D.]

I got.

[Jack Shaw]

I got a dog back home and

[Red Band]

is it a little scared Jewish dog?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a little.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, I do. He's trying to think of a pun. Couldn't think of one. Okay. He's a husky and a dachshund mix. So he's like a. He's like an angry.

[John D.]

Yeah. You're trying to figure out how they lined him up, huh?

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, I didn't do it. I didn't make it happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That poor little dachshund.

[Jack Shaw]

You better fuck this husky dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, get in there.

[Jack Shaw]

No, I do. He's staying with my parents right now. And my dad keeps threatening. My dad hates him a lot and he keeps threatening to put lighter fluid on him and send him to the Palisades.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Red Band]

I'm not.

[Jack Shaw]

It's just.

[John D.]

All right, go ahead, ask him more questions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, ask him more questions.

[John D.]

He was doing. You were doing good, bro. You should have quit while you were headed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Your dad is wild.

[Red Band]

What does your dad do for work?

[Jack Shaw]

He was a comedy writer for his career.

[Red Band]

Oh, my God. What did he work on?

[Jack Shaw]

He. He worked on a lot of game shows. He worked on the Hollywood Squares for a while. He worked on some sitcoms. He worked on the Nanny. Remember that?

[Red Band]

Of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fran.

[Red Band]

Wow, some Fran Drescher fans out there. Absolutely incredible.

[Michael Scott]

Wow.

[Red Band]

So he's retired now?

[Jack Shaw]

He's retired by force. He can't find any work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, it's super cool.

[Red Band]

I'm sorry, is he Jealous of you. Did he ever do stand up comedy?

[Jack Shaw]

He did, dude. And he's. He's really proud. He's really proud, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's proud.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[John D.]

We recognize him if we saw him on anything. No,

[Jack Shaw]

absolutely not.

[Red Band]

Wow. Why do you think his standup career never. Because he had you.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, 100%. Yeah. No, I ruined his life.

[Red Band]

Do you have siblings?

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, I have a brother. He's 10 years older than me. He's from my dad's first failed marriage. And he's Sonny, second with my mom.

[Red Band]

Okay. Wow. Damn.

[Sandy]

Sorry.

[Red Band]

What happened? Why do you think he went to. Is he still with your mom?

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay, so that stuck.

[Jack Shaw]

They do not love each other. No, that's not totally true. But I hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet.

[Jack Shaw]

You're such a fucking bitch, Sherry. You're such a. Don't.

[John D.]

Shut up.

[Jason Vest]

I don't want to hear Jack call

[Jack Shaw]

you a fucking bitch dud.

[Michael Scott]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Red Band]

And they're both very Jewish as well.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, extremely Jewish.

[Red Band]

What do you think? Before I let you go, what do you think's the most Jewish thing about your parents? What is it that really stands out to you to where you're like Jesus? You too.

[Jack Shaw]

Well, really the most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people. Right. Really is. It's a very Jewish thing to hate Judaism?

[Red Band]

Yeah. I think I'm Jewish now that you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

mention

[Red Band]

out that I was Jewish all along. Jack, way to get it started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are job man.

[Jack Shaw]

Thank you, guys.

[Red Band]

There he goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Time to get to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen.

[Red Band]

This guy's been on this show before. It's been a long time since we've seen him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I know what that noise means. The lovely Heidi is here. Everyone make some noise for Heidi Live and the Flash. I always love seeing the tourists faces

[Red Band]

when they actually get to see Heidi and they go. Yep. Wow. Yeah. Don't see those.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Yeah.

[John D.]

Everyone, Mexican side of the band. Salo. Salo, caballeros. Tequila it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first bucket pool of the night. It is the return of Tim Hanlon, everyone. It's been a while.

[Red Band]

Here's Tim Hanlon.

[Ari Maddie]

All right, what's going on, y'?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All?

[Tim Hanlon]

I. I just learned something for the first time. I probably should have known this.

[John D.]

Maybe you guys know.

[Tim Hanlon]

Did you know that Muslims are sober? They don't drink at all. None of them. That freaked me out. Like, even, like Muslim terrorists are stone sober. They're just drinking shots of milk, talking about tattoo America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, Jesus.

[Tim Hanlon]

That's scarier than thinking if they were smashed. I don't know, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe they could use a glass of

[Tim Hanlon]

wine, you know, calm the nerves a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

little bit, you know?

[Tim Hanlon]

I gotta talk for 60 seconds. I had two whiskeys back there, but

[John D.]

if I had to do what they

[Tim Hanlon]

had to do, if I had to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

strap on a suicide vest, I'd start

[Tim Hanlon]

drinking the night before, I'd be hammered. I'd show up drunk, they'd be like, Tim, it's 8:00 clock in the morning. I'd be like, well, it's 911 somewhere. All right, thanks, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Tim Hanlon. It's nice to get to meet Jack

[Red Band]

Shaw's comedy retired father.

[Tim Hanlon]

Okay, I've been around.

[Red Band]

You do look like a guy that used to write comedy for game shows here.

[Tim Hanlon]

I know his mom.

[Red Band]

Here you are, Tim. Welcome back. It's been a while since we've seen you. Yes, indeed. Muslims don't.

[John D.]

Hey, I'm not Muslim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Thank God for that.

[Red Band]

Thank God. Oh, damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ.

[John D.]

But I am Mexican. Heidi.

[Red Band]

Yeah, Tim, how long you been doing stand up?

[Tim Hanlon]

I started in 2010.

[Red Band]

2010?

[Tim Hanlon]

12 years? Something like that. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think you know what year it is.

[Red Band]

That would be.

[Tim Hanlon]

I haven't known what year it is in a minute, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

15 years.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, I kind of. I don't own the clock.

[Sandy]

I don't.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, okay. I just float around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You own a clock?

[Tim Hanlon]

I don't own a clock.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. How about calendar? That clock doesn't.

[Tim Hanlon]

2010.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Red Band]

What do you, what do you. What is your living situation like, Tim?

[Tim Hanlon]

It's better than most people would assume, man.

[Sandy]

I gotta.

[Tim Hanlon]

I got a nice house. I. I do have two roommates. I got a couple. Oh, a comic and his girl.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tim Hanlon]

But I got a nice house down in South Austin.

[Red Band]

Yeah, nice.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

You love it?

[Jack Shaw]

It's great.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Red Band]

Yeah, you have a lot.

[Tim Hanlon]

Don't lock my doors.

[Red Band]

A lot of clothes in your closet. You have a lot of choices or is like that.

[Sandy]

Here's the thing.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I used to have more.

[Sandy]

I give all.

[Tim Hanlon]

Every time I move, I just give clothes away. So there's some fly looking bums in LA right now. Like, I left LA and gave all my clothes away and this is what I kept. Yeah, this is my.

[Jack Shaw]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't like Johnny Cash, bro.

[Red Band]

Okay, I see Johnny Cash.

[John D.]

I look all right.

[Tim Hanlon]

All right.

[John D.]

No, you look all right, bro. I'd say more, but I'm wearing Jordans yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

You're wearing shorts.

[John D.]

I have no.

[M]

I have.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

It is incredible.

[Tim Hanlon]

I don't have my Hawaiian shirt on tonight. I'm sorry, bro.

[John D.]

Yeah, it. It works.

[Red Band]

Tell us what's been happening. Oh, yeah, they do match. A wise observation from John D. It is indeed brown. Yeah. Oh, my God. You are wearing camo pants.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What an embarrassing moment for you.

[John D.]

Oh, my God. Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're just lighting up Tim Hanlon. John's like, oh,

[John D.]

But he has a keyboard to cover up his. Bad choice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Incredible.

[Red Band]

I can't believe you guys both went with.

[Tim Hanlon]

Sorry.

[Red Band]

Look tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Tim, tell us about your process

[Red Band]

or your career lately. What's been going on in comedy started 15 years ago.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Came out guns ablaze. It's a good premise that Muslims don't drink. I feel like there was a little bit more there. You could have. I was waiting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Tim Hanlon]

There's more.

[Red Band]

You know, typical Muslim jokes. I'm waiting for a big boom at the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Never came. Really?

[Tim Hanlon]

I don't even know Muslims. I don't know if that's true or not. Is that true?

[Red Band]

No, they're.

[Tim Hanlon]

Guy that looked like him told me that. So I don't know.

[Red Band]

Drink? I'm friends with Asanamad. He doesn't drink on. What's the name of their wacky holiday? Ramadan. I'm probably going to get killed for

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

calling it a wacky holiday.

[Red Band]

There is a. There's a thing on my life. What do they call that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A ji. Jihad.

[Red Band]

Yeah. But, yeah, no, they drank. We went on a bar crawl to celebrate Ari Shafir's special release a couple weeks ago, and I promise you, Asana

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mod got fucked up. We all thought it would be a

[Red Band]

good idea, the six of us. There was a ton of us comedians, Ari Derosa, all of us, and we all thought it would be a good idea. Ari wanted to do a shot and a drink at a bunch of bars on the east side of True Crawl, which I've never really done before, and we fucking did it. And by bar seven, we thought it would be a good idea to all slam into the. The photo booth at once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of those.

[Tim Hanlon]

Oh, I know the photo booth.

[Red Band]

And all we got was a bunch of pictures of Hassan's head. So there's. There is proof of Muslim strength.

[John D.]

All right, Tim, what made you want to go in that direction out the gate? Like, you know, that's a. That's a. Like a tough area to go into

[Tim Hanlon]

that joke for right now.

[John D.]

Well, you know, you only get a minute, dude.

[Jason Vest]

Yeah.

[M]

Exactly.

[Tim Hanlon]

I do longer sets and stu. So most of my stuff is a little bit more developed and I figured that's got like a short and it's a newer joke, two months old.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, okay. But it's short. It's not like a story.

[John D.]

I got to come up here. Of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did I make the.

[John D.]

Did I make the. Is. Is a. It's a tough topic to go into.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah, I mean, I. I stopped being scared of jokes a long time ago.

[John D.]

I'm not scared of jokes, but I'm scared of Muslims. You know, I ain't here to offend. The views of Tim are not those of Gabriel Iglesias. I got you covered. Or Tony. Hell yeah, everybody. Yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thought.

[M]

I thought it was a fun.

[John D.]

I mean, it's pretty gangster. You went for it. I give you credit on that guy.

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

That's.

[John D.]

That's. You probably went after the heart. I mean, what. Think of another topic that would have been harder for him to go than Muslims.

[Michael Scott]

Abortion.

[M]

Blow up abortions in Texas.

[John D.]

You're probably right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Plaque abortions. Jesus. Red band.

[Tim Hanlon]

The hardest thing I had talk ever talking about especially like gun control. That's the worst thing. Don't. Don't say about guns. Yeah, that's the one thing. That's why I won't. I won't say about guns, though.

[John D.]

I learned that I love that it respects guns more than Muslims. Like, dude, man. Tim. I'm not Tim. We gotta talk after, bro.

[Tim Hanlon]

I'm not much of you.

[John D.]

Might need full camo after this show.

[Tim Hanlon]

I'm shifty, bro.

[Red Band]

Tim, you've been on this show multiple times.

[Tim Hanlon]

No, I was on only in the. In LA. At the. the Belly Room. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or the main room.

[Red Band]

Only once.

[M]

Yep.

[Tim Hanlon]

That's the only time ever.

[Red Band]

Really?

[Tim Hanlon]

I sign up everywhere. Yeah. I used to sign up every night for like years and I finally got on and then since you came out here, I haven't really signed up too much. But thanks so much for. For the opportunity, man. This is fantastic.

[Red Band]

There you go. Absolutely. Tim Hanlon is somehow only a second appearance ever. I could swear you've been on more than that. Here's a medium sized joke book. It'll match your. It'll match your get up.

[Tim Hanlon]

Thank you, brother.

[Red Band]

Make some noise for Tim Hanlon, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Little Elon Musk. Send off there after a. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. All right, there he goes. All right. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. Looks like a brand new name. Make some noise for Jusu Vest. Perhaps it's some rough handwriting. Jusu Vest or Vast Jusu.

[Red Band]

There he is. Wow, look at this.

[John D.]

Jason Vest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jason Vast, everybody.

[Jason Vest]

Thank you. Thank you.

[John D.]

Stay away from Muslim topics.

[Jason Vest]

Got it. I'm 40. Oh, sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Red Band]

We'll reset it one more time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The clock.

[Red Band]

Here he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for Jason Vest, everybody.

[Jason Vest]

I'm 46 years old, and I'm six years overdue for getting my prostate checked. I hate doctors, and I'm terrified to get the procedure done because I haven't had a man put a finger up my butt since I was a Cub Scout. For those of you that cringe, do not cringe. I was a loose boy. I was a loose boy. I was a slutty kid, and I fucked my way to the top of the Eagle Scouts. I jerked off a Scout leader with a Nintendo Power Glove in the back of a 1986 Ford Escort. And that's how I became the youngest Eagle Scout in history. Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. I'm a veteran. I'm a veteran, and I go to the VA medical system for my healthcare, and it's shitty. I get four Viagra tablets monthly.

[Michael Scott]

4.

[Jason Vest]

I spent 20 years in the military and one year in Iraq, and that only equates to four hard ons a month. That's why I voted Republican, because Donald Trump said he was gonna get us 10.

[Jack Shaw]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Jason Vest.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, let's go.

[Red Band]

This is your first time on the show, correct?

[Jason Vest]

Second time.

[Red Band]

Oh, there you go. I got it, everybody. Everything's backwards here tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude.

[John D.]

The visual I got from the Power Glove in the back of an Escort, I'm like, oh, my God.

[Jason Vest]

You felt that?

[John D.]

I felt that, dude. The Escort, the one that had the power seat belts, the automatic ones?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Jason Vest]

You know how.

[Red Band]

How long ago was your last appearance on the show?

[Jason Vest]

Almost a year ago, Tony. I was on in February last year.

[Red Band]

Did I tell you on that episode that you look like the guy from Ghostbusters 2 that makes Vigo the Barbarian

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

come to life out of the.

[John D.]

It is legal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's an amazing impression.

[John D.]

Oh, I've seen Ghostbusters to a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have that, though.

[Red Band]

You have those energies.

[Jason Vest]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's exactly what he would say if he was here right now. That's how he would say it.

[Red Band]

Absolutely incredible. How long you been doing stand up, Jason?

[Jason Vest]

Four and a half years, Tony.

[Red Band]

Where at?

[Jason Vest]

I started in Detroit, and then I moved to Chicago, and then I moved here a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

Detroit and Chicago. I cannot picture you fitting into either one of those cities at all.

[Jason Vest]

I haven't performed for so many white people in my life. I'm not used to it. I'm uncomfortable. Tony Ham.

[Red Band]

Incredible. Incredible. Yeah. I mean, you're used to performing in the back of Ford Escorts

[John D.]

with a Power Glove.

[Jason Vest]

Done.

[Red Band]

Incredible. What do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Jason Vest]

Jason, I'm retired from the military, and I live on my VA disability and my pension, and I make content. And I'm on the Loveline radio show on kroq.

[Red Band]

Nice. What branch of the military were you in? Navy?

[Jason Vest]

No, I retired. I was a National Guard recruiter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. National Guard recruiter. Did you recruit anybody? Like, you seem like you would be the worst with the Power Glove.

[John D.]

We got him in there.

[Jason Vest]

I hold the state record for the Michigan National Guard for the most enlistments in one month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Incredible.

[Jason Vest]

I lied to kids a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I bet.

[Jason Vest]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your body count must be incredible.

[John D.]

Insane. I've actually seen his content online.

[Red Band]

Really?

[John D.]

Yeah. Jason, you're very funny. Thank you so much.

[Jason Vest]

Thank you.

[John D.]

Your reviews of. He does these. These insane reviews of massage parlors.

[Red Band]

Is that true?

[Jason Vest]

It's part of the culture, brother.

[John D.]

Hey, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I've never seen a standing ovation from Red. Okay. Jesus Christ.

[John D.]

Hey, I'm the one that mentioned it. Why don't you give me fist bump, man? Oh, give me the Power Glove hand. Give me the Power Glove.

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys have DNA all over you now.

[John D.]

No, he actually puts out some really funny content that I've seen online every now. And that's why as soon as you walk in, I'm like, I recognize you from somewhere. And then I heard your voice. I'm like, that's right. That's right.

[Jason Vest]

You can't call your.

[John D.]

It's hysterical, man. I. I enjoy it. I've showed your videos to many people.

[Jason Vest]

Yeah. Thank you so much. Fuck, yeah. Thank you.

[Red Band]

Incredible. How long have you lived in Austin now?

[Jason Vest]

About a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, do you love it?

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Jason Vest]

Fuck, yeah.

[Red Band]

What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas?

[Jason Vest]

I write a lot of content. And. And that's pretty much it. Like, I write a lot of content. I hang out at home, and I review celebrity feet. Like, I got a foot fetish. And I review celebrity feet for kroc. That's what I do on the Loveline radio show. I suck the shit out some toes, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. Has the chance of a lifetime, everybody. Oh, my God, bro, you need to

[Jason Vest]

get a goddamn pedigree bottoms of Your feet are crusty as.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, they just look lovely to me.

[John D.]

Let me tell you something. You're talking right now, but I. I promise you, my feet are softer than most people's touch.

[Jason Vest]

God damn.

[John D.]

That's what the I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at now.

[John D.]

I need help putting on this sock. You know, what's up, dude?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

While all of that was happening, this

[Red Band]

guy's so gay that he made another

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

man faint in the front row.

[John D.]

By the way, the sock, it came off, man.

[Red Band]

It may have been.

[John D.]

I said they're soft. I didn't say what they smell like. Front row couldn't handle it. It's our first casualty here today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to see how many audiences

[Red Band]

dance members can die.

[John D.]

So you review feet.

[Jason Vest]

I do a review. You know who's got up feet?

[Red Band]

Who?

[Jason Vest]

Oprah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, bunions.

[Jason Vest]

Oh, her big toe look like a turkey leg from a goddamn Renaissance Fair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nasty.

[Red Band]

My goodness. That is incredible.

[John D.]

Can I ask for the honest review, though? Well, it was. I know the guy passed out, but that's Besides the point.

[Jason Vest]

7.5.

[Sandy]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[John D.]

That's right. I get a lot of petties.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[John D.]

I'm diabetic. I gotta take care of my feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. I love that.

[Red Band]

Absolutely incredible. What else would we be surprised to know about you, Jason? You seem like a wild, eclectic character. Like, there's so many things. I bet you. I bet you, like, collect things. You have, like, a bunch of stuff on your walls at home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Tony, I'm glad you asked. You could just see the I Got a sock collection.

[Jason Vest]

All right. It is what it is.

[Red Band]

Really?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Where do you get these socks from?

[Jason Vest]

Only fans. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Wow.

[John D.]

Gotcha, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Yep. Absolutely incredible.

[Jason Vest]

I'm a freak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Four more people just fainted in the audience.

[Red Band]

For those of you keeping track, Jason, I gotta ask you because we're finding out so much so fast. Indeed. You are a freak. What do you think if we had to go down, perhaps the top three freakiest things you've ever done in your entire life? People love this interview portion.

[John D.]

You know one of them,

[Red Band]

when people hear this show, they love when people tell the truth in the interviews and find out real shit. I feel like you just put the sock in your mouth and shook your head. I feel like you're willing to fucking really go for it. Here now I present to you the top three freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done in his life. Number three, I Got My Butthole Fingered

[Jason Vest]

in a Waffle House bathroom. By a big woman I met on plenty of fish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, so much to put together there. Waffle House, plenty of fish. Butthole finger, absolutely incredible. Inserted double dirted, triple skirted, smothered, covered a Waffle House bathroom. Wow.

[Jason Vest]

Picuin, Mississippi. Picuin, Mississippi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Remind me to never go to Picu, Mississippi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here we go. Number two freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done.

[Jason Vest]

I paid a South Korean woman to shit on my chest at the Oriental Health and Massage in Jackson, Michigan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And later.

[Jason Vest]

Well, I'm not done yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus.

[Jason Vest]

Done yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Leave some time for the crowd to go wild. Jason,

[Red Band]

leave some space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get these laughs. You deserve it. Okay, now wait.

[Jason Vest]

And later, I found out it was a 47 year old Filipino man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did I know that this segment was going to work? This is incredible. This guy like had this ready. You would have thought we prepared this like. Okay, I'm gonna ask you the three freakiest things you've ever. This segment is unbelievable.

[John D.]

I got to hear number.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold those horses. I know he's already knocked one of your socks off. Hold on.

[John D.]

I think the sock in the mouth is like somewhere like 93.

[Red Band]

I have.

[John D.]

Yeah. Honestly, after shitting on the chest, I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

only have four questions about number two. So

[Red Band]

you thought it was a Korean

[Jason Vest]

woman and later ended up being a 47 year old Filipino man? I ran into him at Walmart.

[Red Band]

So was that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, hold on. You didn't find out that night that

[Red Band]

it was a Korean woman?

[Jason Vest]

No, he ran into me at Walmart and he's like, bro, you don't remember me? And I'm like, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What? This is too abs. How.

[John D.]

How did you know the age? Like, were you guys buying the same medication or something at CVS or what? How did you know the age? What? You said 47.

[Jason Vest]

I could just tell by how he looked. He had the little wrinkles around the eyes. He was older than me. I was 25 at the time.

[John D.]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

And you were.

[Jason Vest]

You look like an older Manny Pacquiao.

[Red Band]

My goodness. Okay, so, but what type of was it? And this is what you were into at the time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Had you had that done before?

[Jason Vest]

Once before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Once before.

[Jason Vest]

It was at 25.

[Red Band]

Oh, it's definitely not. Nothing is your first rodeo. I feel like there's nothing that you haven't done. There's no doubt about it. You probably have aids

[John D.]

and he probably paid for it. Yeah, it's like, I gotta hear what number one is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta hear what number one real Quick, Real quick. I know. I. I want to know number one, too.

[Red Band]

You have a question?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, Matt Muhling only talks once

[Red Band]

every six and a half episodes. This should be exciting. Matt Muling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just.

[Sandy]

Did you not see the dude's junk

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

when he was dumping on your chest? Fucking unbelievably great question. I have no idea how I missed that. Unbelievably great question. Yeah. Are you. Were you just imagining it?

[Red Band]

Not there?

[Jason Vest]

Let's just say this. I'm seven years sober now.

[M]

Ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Do you remember. Do you remember how this came out? Was it solid, loggy, wet runny?

[Jason Vest]

I thought it was South Korean soft serve at the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. But it turns out it was. What? Filipino pudding. Okay, red band. There's your fart sound effect for the episode. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the number one freakiest thing that Jason Best has ever done.

[Jason Vest]

I unintentionally gave a Mexican gentleman a foot job to completion on a Greyhound bus en route to Biloxi, Mississippi.

[John D.]

I'm not gonna lie. I thought that was the beginning of my story. And I'm like, no, that's another Mexican he got. Wow.

[Sandy]

How.

[John D.]

Hey, so your review of my feet was real. That's all I want to know. That's all I care about.

[Jason Vest]

It's like 7.5.

[John D.]

Thank you, bro. Thank you.

[Red Band]

Let's just go.

[John D.]

We'll take your wins when you can get them, people.

[Red Band]

One second here. You said that you gave it.

[John D.]

I love you have more.

[Red Band]

Oh, it's incredible. The wheels are turning right now. How. What makes it an unintentional foot job? And when you say foot job, that means you jerked him off with your feet and it was unintentional how.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, this is very suspicious coming from you. You seem like a guy that would

[Red Band]

have a very intentional foot job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you wanted to give 14 loco

[Jason Vest]

the before 2010 formula back when that would you up. The OG's know. He knows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how.

[Red Band]

What were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the angle of attack on this situation?

[Red Band]

You're sitting next to the guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's a.

[Jason Vest]

He's a rope across the little way thing. And I just reached my foot across and that looked at me dead in my eyes and saying Bon Jovi bed of roses in broken English before he. He cummed on my face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did he come on your face?

[Jason Vest]

I was like, it blasted me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't even know where to begin. It's like Mad Lips. I don't even know where to begin. But I'm telling you this. You're getting a big Joke book, that's for sure. Thank you. I don't know what body part you're gonna shove this up, but I have a pretty decent idea. I always throw it like it. There he goes.

[Red Band]

The rare.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The rare catch from Jason Vest, ladies and gentlemen.

[Michael Scott]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to Kill Tony Gabriel Iglesias. This is all real. I.

[Red Band]

That. I mean, what can I even say?

[John D.]

I. I know that everything he was saying was real. It's not like stuff that, you know, he's not up here just trying to get. Get any, like, cloud or nothing. You know what I'm saying?

[Red Band]

Like, definitely not.

[John D.]

No. Yeah, that watch.

[Jack Shaw]

His.

[John D.]

His stuff is funny, but he never talked about stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[John D.]

Because I vouch for him at first. And then I'm like, oh, God, he's getting on. No, literally. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. Incredible the characters we find here on this show.

[Tim Hanlon]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it could happen again. Right now. A one word name is your next bucket pool. Make some noise for Trev, everybody. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Trev.

[N]

Oh, what's up, Austin?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, no.

[N]

I'm already cut off. All right. Man, I lost my virginity to a deaf girl and it caused this really weird fetish for me. I don't like deaf chicks, but I am a sucker for that accent. It's okay. They can't hear us. I have this really scientific job. I run these experiments. Recently, I experimented with cocaine. I just. I took a really small amount of it and turned it into a habit. And, you know, I also had this gig as a porn star for a while. I did these courtroom themed porno adult films. My stage name was pro bono attorney at raw. I was just going around introducing bitches to the penal system, you know, pounding that gavel. All right, cool.

[Red Band]

Okay, Trev. Hell yeah. Started strong, kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You lost me there at the end.

[Red Band]

You said you were doing porn?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, just regular porno.

[Red Band]

Where were you doing that at?

[N]

Well, I mean, that was a lie.

[M]

As a joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay.

[Red Band]

Would. Is the cocaine thing true?

[John D.]

He probably.

[Red Band]

About what's that?

[John D.]

I said he probably has a job where he can't be honest about the cocaine thing.

[Red Band]

He doesn't look like he has a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

job he could lose. He looks like he would get hired if they find out.

[Red Band]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's willing to work overtime. This guy might get a raise if he does cocaine.

[Red Band]

What do you do for a living?

[N]

I work in high tech security.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[John D.]

Blow while you're protecting something.

[Red Band]

Yeah, look at that. That's incredible. So, okay, how long you been Doing stand up.

[N]

I started in 2018, but I've only, you know, I didn't get serious until like 20, 21.

[Red Band]

What made you get serious then?

[N]

I had kids. I couldn't act anymore. I didn't have the time for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I wanted kids.

[M]

Kids?

[Red Band]

They passed away?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

How many kids do you have?

[N]

2.

[Red Band]

Where are they at now?

[N]

San Antonio.

[Red Band]

San Antonio with the baby mama?

[N]

Yep.

[Red Band]

Okay, and you guys are separated?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Red Band]

How long did that last?

[N]

11 years.

[Red Band]

You were with her for 11 years? How old are the kids?

[N]

11 and 15.

[Red Band]

11 and 15.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

So you were there for a while.

[N]

Oh, yeah.

[Red Band]

All right.

[John D.]

Is she the deaf one?

[N]

She wishes.

[John D.]

Oh, Sorry, bro.

[Red Band]

Why'd it end? What made the relationship end?

[N]

Oh, man, that's complicated.

[Red Band]

Okay, you're on a.

[John D.]

You're a dude, we're guys. What's up?

[Red Band]

Yeah, come on.

[John D.]

You make it complicated if you're talking to her.

[M]

Yeah, I don't know.

[N]

We just, you know, it. We got older. We got together, you know, early 20s, and then got older and realized, you know each other.

[Red Band]

Each other. Okey dokey. Where are you originally from?

[N]

I was born in Oklahoma. Grew up in Colorado.

[Red Band]

Okay, all right. And what do you do for fun?

[N]

For fun?

[M]

Comedy.

[Red Band]

What else? Other than comedy?

[N]

Pretty much the only other thing I ever do is just. So I like to ride my one wheel. I go out, you know.

[Red Band]

Okay, now we figured it out, all right? We just found who could be the gayest person that's been on the show

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

so far here today. Somehow you just destroyed Jason Vest as the gay comedian. I go out on my one wheel. Is that a cool name for a fucking unicycle? You know, I go out on my one wheeler.

[Red Band]

You have a unicycle?

[N]

No, it's like an electric skateboard. You know, one will come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I. I don't do weird. Like a wheel and it has a

[Red Band]

bunch of lights surrounded. I get it now. I get it now. So it's a fancy unicycle. Instead of pedaling, you have a remote control or something?

[N]

No, just.

[Red Band]

Just lean forward.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

That seems like it's the one that

[John D.]

they show those pit bulls on riding on the beach, right? Yeah. Okay, I know which one he's talking about.

[Red Band]

All right. How do you get into it?

[John D.]

I do not get on those.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can get on a normal skateboard. It'll end up with. It'll end up with one wheel, my friend. You make one wheeler. Is that a normal skateboards? How do you end up getting into onewheeling?

[Red Band]

Trev? You had a friend that was doing

[N]

it skateboarded, you know, as a teen and early twenties, and then got, you know, dad bought, couldn't skateboard anymore.

[Red Band]

Okay, what's your favorite thing to do with your kids? You got an 11 year old and a 15 year old. What are they into? What do you. How do you. How do you maintain being a cool dad? You live here in Austin and they're in San Antonio.

[N]

No, I live in San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you see them a lot?

[N]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, a lot, a lot.

[N]

Yeah. Like every day, every week, yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay. How do you. How do you entertain them? What makes you a cool dad?

[N]

We do video games a lot. I mean, that's their main thing. Yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay. All right. What do you think's the most interesting thing about you? Maybe it's just because you're going up after Jason Vest, who is one of the freakiest we've ever had in the show's history.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I got to tell you, this interview is unbelievably boring compared to. Well, I like comedy for hobbies, and

[Red Band]

I raise my kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We play video games. Come on. You're right. He had his chest on by not a woman. A Filipino man, 47. He found out at a Walmart. Finger up his butt at a Waffle house.

[M]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Pikachu, Mississippi. Accidental foot job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Greyhound bus.

[Red Band]

You got anything like this up your sleeve?

[N]

Oh, man. I mean, I hooked up on a Greyhound one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Yeah, that's just a woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, just a regular boring Jesus. Live your life, buddy. My God.

[Red Band]

Let me ask you this. You've been separated from the baby mama for how long?

[N]

Five years. Six years.

[Red Band]

Five years. You've been out dating A little bit.

[N]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

How do you do that? Do you just meet people? Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?

[N]

I did abs for a while and then just kind of nothing was happening there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at women in the eyes and

[N]

just be like, catch along the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What a hop on,

[Red Band]

like, whether your favorite hookup that you've had recently. How did that happen?

[N]

Oh, man.

[Red Band]

Take us through the evening. I'm gonna try to make you interesting here.

[N]

Trash evening.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a lot of heav you.

[John D.]

I have another sock. That's how that last thing started. Jason was pretty normal until I freaking showed up with my freaking size 11 and a half. I was buying you some time, bro.

[N]

Yeah, the most recent was Laredo. I did comedy down there and. And actually kill. Did you know? Pretty good job. Pretty good five minute set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[N]

And when I got off stage, the host was like, somebody suck his dick tonight. Wow.

[Jack Shaw]

So.

[N]

And I was there for work with a hotel, so, you know, it worked out.

[Red Band]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

And Jason Vest was on the show,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and looks like my work's just getting started.

[N]

No, it was a craze.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll suck your dick if you shit on my chest. Even tradesies.

[N]

It was a Korean woman, I swear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, that's what he thought, too.

[John D.]

Wait till you get to Walmart, bro. You're running to him then.

[Red Band]

Jason, I liked your set. Here's a big joke book. Fun times. Congratulations. Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or, I mean, Trav. I just called him Jason. There goes Trev, everybody. All right, we're gonna sage this room with the class act, one of our regulars. One of the best to ever be a regular on this show. Very, very hard job, writing and performing a new minute every week on this show. Ladies, gentlemen, and. And gentlemen, here he is. To do it again. This is a brand new minute from the one and only, the great and powerful Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't even want to touch this microphone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We.

[Cam Patterson]

We should. We should just stop the show at Jason. There's no. It's not going to get no better than that nigga, dawg. It made me angry how he started with, what's number three? I had a finger in my asshole. We should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He has to die.

[Cam Patterson]

I think people like that should be murdered and put on a list somewhere, dawg. He scares me with my whole heart. There's no top in that nigga. I know. I got a lot of shit about crackheads. All my dudes are mainly about crackheads. And it's funny to me. Cause I was thinking about it the other day when I was real high, and I was just like, man, it's fucked up. Cause most of y' all deal with crackheads, and y' all see em, like, on the street. Y' all just walk by like, they not real people. But I had crackheads in my family, so crackheads had my phone number. You understand? That's a different type of relationship with a crackhead. Like, y' all be like, I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You leave me alone, nigga.

[John D.]

My, like, what's up?

[Cam Patterson]

I know you got cash app, bitch. I need $5. I wanna buy crack today. It's insane. That's it. There I go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, get up outta here. Did it again, buddy. You did it again.

[Red Band]

Another minute.

[John D.]

Oh, to see that in person, man, that's freaking awesome. I've seen your clips before. You're very funny. But to just watch you come out and just. That's off the cuff. That was awesome.

[Yale Reams]

Thank you so much.

[Cam Patterson]

I really appreciate it.

[Red Band]

Thank you.

[John D.]

Funniest thing I've seen all night.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you so much.

[John D.]

Funniest thing I've seen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To be able to take that energy,

[Red Band]

make the callbacks to everything, acknowledge the room your way, and then Segway right into material you see. You were around a lot of crackheads, huh?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, a lot. Like, a lot. You know, it's funny, my. My uncle, he just passed away. He was a crackhead. He passed away.

[Red Band]

Is that the one that I met in Atlanta?

[Jack Shaw]

Yes.

[Red Band]

Oh, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Yes. You met. You know this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We had a lot of fun. I actually love that guy.

[Red Band]

I was. That was actually a taping I did that night. And in the green room, Cam decided to bring about, I don't know, about 43, 44 family members, odds are. And somehow the one that I bonded with the most out of this unbelievably

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

high amount of people was your crackhead uncle. Yeah.

[Red Band]

He was so fun.

[Cam Patterson]

He loves you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He loved me. He loved.

[John D.]

It was funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You remember no longer with us.

[Cam Patterson]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I said?

[Cam Patterson]

I said love. I said love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You said, you said, he loves you. He do love you.

[Ari Maddie]

He's still here somewhere.

[Red Band]

He's still there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's still. He's looking up at us right now. I love.

[Red Band]

What?

[Cam Patterson]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he looking down like this. Life is good.

[Red Band]

The good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The good crack is in hell, buddy. The good crack is in hell.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know. Maybe not. We have a good crack in heaven. Who knows?

[Red Band]

I. I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think heaven's more of, like, a heroin place. It's just more relaxed. I picture crack. D. Madness is reacting to this. He's a real musician who's probably done heroin and crack today. Probably when he just went back backstage. A real musician can stand with anybody.

[John D.]

What would be a crackhead? Heaven.

[Cam Patterson]

Crackhead.

[John D.]

Oh, unlock liquor store at night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Just a bunch of unlocked cars and like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Just a bunch of unlocked everything. Yeah, Just go in anywhere. It's like a video game, like Sim

[Red Band]

City or something like that.

[Cam Patterson]

He was the funniest nigga, like, ever, dog. I remember I was. When I first started doing stand up. He came back and standing up with my dad and shit. And I told him, I said, you wanna come downtown with me? And, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, just watch some shows. He said, where your shows at again? I said, they down, Tyson. I can't do that, nigga. If I Go with you downtown. You gonna be doing your little funny shit. You gonna look back. Okay, I'm smoking crack somewhere, so I really can't go with you. But I loved him. He was great. That wasn't as fun as I thought it was gonna be, but that's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I get it.

[Cam Patterson]

That's okay. Sometimes it don't hit that well.

[Red Band]

Yeah, well, you did the cross eyes to us.

[Cam Patterson]

I mean. Yeah.

[John D.]

You faced us when you did the quit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. There you go. See, you got to do it to them. That's the trick. Yeah.

[John D.]

Play it forward.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't make. Can't make the funny faces to us.

[Cam Patterson]

I wanted y' all to see me

[Rob Edwards]

be retarded for a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was fun.

[John D.]

It's good.

[Cam Patterson]

Man, this guy look aggravated. What's wrong with you, dickhead?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This man, this lumberjack Texas fella. I cannot relate to any of this crackhead material. I know any.

[Cam Patterson]

I know no crackheads in my life. None.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't do a white accent.

[Cam Patterson]

I realize that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait.

[N]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really can't.

[Red Band]

I ain't not be knowing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the hell was that? I don't know who no crackheads. Never.

[John D.]

That's my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The. Was that Kim Powder Patterson? Cam Patterson, playing a white guy. Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Absolutely incredible. We've never learned this about you before,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that you cannot do a white impression. Oh, wow.

[Cam Patterson]

I can only do one impression.

[Red Band]

Yeah. What is it?

[Cam Patterson]

It's. It's a.

[Rob Edwards]

It's a.

[Cam Patterson]

You know. You ever seen chowder?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chowder? Yeah. Like on his ass Clam? Yeah. Corn.

[Cam Patterson]

It's an old cartoon show, and it was a dude down there, his name Schnitzel. But he don't talk. All he. All he said, rata rata.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rider. Rider, Rider. Rata, rata rata.

[Cam Patterson]

That's all I can. He was black. That's all he said, though.

[Yale Reams]

Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

That's all. Look it up. That's all he said.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rider.

[Jack Shaw]

Rider.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I believe you.

[Cam Patterson]

And he was black, though. He was black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I believe that for sure. Wow. What was that on Cartoon Network?

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Red Band]

All right.

[John D.]

Sure.

[Cam Patterson]

Five foot with it. I liked it a lot.

[Red Band]

It's just a black cartoon.

[Cam Patterson]

No, it was a white.

[John D.]

It was.

[Cam Patterson]

It was for everybody.

[Red Band]

They just had one black character.

[Cam Patterson]

I mean, it was all, like, fictional. They was like.

[Rob Edwards]

You feel me?

[John D.]

Like, that's in the description. By the way, the guide. That's exactly what it says on the guide. Even I knew that.

[Red Band]

Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

Well, Cam, so much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did it again.

[Red Band]

Another monster performance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another new minute from Cam Patterson. Ladies and gentlemen, business is booming. We're flying through it here tonight. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. Ooh,

[Red Band]

the great Heidi gracing us with her amazing presence yet again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool. Goes by the name of Eddie Lursa. Make some noise for Eddie Lursa, everybody.

[M]

Thank you. I got my Uber on the way here and it was a lady driver, so, you know, I buckled up.

[Sandy]

Not.

[M]

Not just because she was a woman. I'm not a sexist. She was also Asian. Not that Asian people can't drive. They can, and that's the problem. Relax, relax. I'm kidding. It wasn't an Asian woman. It might have been an Asian man. I couldn't tell.

[Tim Hanlon]

No.

[M]

I hate Ubers, though. I hate Ubers. My worst Uber driver ever made me walk two blocks in the rain to get to the car. Loudly fought the entire ride with someone named Shut the fuck up, bitch. Where I ran multiple red lights, almost hit a person. Then this dude had tattoos up to his neck and three teardrops under his eyeball. Five stars, because that guy knows where I live. 25% tip. Thank you for the service. I actually found out when I. When I want to leave one star. I started getting dropped off down the street at my bitchy neighbor's house because she's kind of got it coming. All right, that's my time. Thank you. I'm Eddie Larsa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eddie Larsa. A lot of Uber material there.

[Red Band]

Here we go. Welcome. Is this your first time on the show?

[M]

Third time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

All right, welcome back, Eddie. How long you been doing stand up?

[M]

Almost two years now.

[Red Band]

Two years? All of it here in Austin?

[M]

Yeah, I started in. In West Palm, Florida, but I wasn't there very long. I moved here like six months in.

[Red Band]

Is that where you're originally from? West Palm, Florida?

[M]

No, I'm originally from Virginia. I lived in Florida for six years

[Rob Edwards]

before I moved here.

[Red Band]

Okay, what do you do for work?

[M]

Bartend.

[Red Band]

All right. And you still do that?

[M]

Yeah, bartend. I produce a lot of shows in town. I, you know, anything I can, but bartending is my main money.

[Red Band]

How often do you perform?

[M]

As much as I can. I mean, ballpark it. Five, five spots a week.

[Red Band]

Okay. And what do you do for fun?

[Michael Scott]

For fun.

[M]

I mean, out here? Mostly stand up. I like writing. I used to write fiction a lot back in my early 20s. I had a little like, self publishing company in DC. I wrote a bunch of short stories, a couple self published novels. That was like my main. I've written since I was a little kid. Like I'VE always loved writing.

[Red Band]

How about when you're not writing or just doing stand up, is there anything you like to do? It's a little bit more fun.

[M]

I like to snowboard. I haven't been in a long time. I used to live in Colorado. I used to go snowboarding a lot.

[Red Band]

You ever snow one wheel?

[M]

Never snow one wheeled.

[Red Band]

All right, Eddie, you have any pets?

[M]

Yeah, I have one dog.

[Red Band]

Okay. What's his name?

[M]

White Claw.

[Red Band]

Why did you name your dog White Claw?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gay dog, huh? One note, red band over here.

[Red Band]

Gay this. Okay, that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Part noise, part noise. All right.

[Red Band]

Why is it called White Claw?

[M]

Because he's all black. One white claw. And I was drinking White Claws heavily at the time when I got him.

[Red Band]

Oh, wow.

[John D.]

Coincidence. Yeah. Right. When you're doing a full. Now, what's the longest amount of time you spent on stage?

[M]

On stage? 15, 16 minutes. It's the longest that I've done.

[John D.]

15 minutes. That is the longest set. Okay. When you're doing a full 15 minute set, that what is your opening usually like? My opening, when you cut, like when you're coming out, you know you're gonna do a full set, you know, because usually, like right now, I feel like you came out and you're only given a minute, so you jump right into it versus giving the people a split second to try to understand where you're coming from. Jason didn't have to explain himself when he came out.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[John D.]

You knew some was gonna go down when he came out because everything about him told you that.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[John D.]

You, on the other hand, look very, very normal. Like you said, you're a bartender. Like, I totally believe it, I see it. But you only had a minute to perform. So what is your normal opening?

[Red Band]

That's a great question.

[John D.]

I would love to know.

[Red Band]

Like let's say you were doing a 15 minute set. What is. Sure the first, like 30 seconds look like. Deal.

[M]

I mean, you want me to do it?

[John D.]

I have like when there's no yeah,

[Red Band]

yeah, yeah, let's do it. It's opening bet. Let's pretend like I just brought you up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is him doing a 15 minute set, but not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for Eddie.

[Red Band]

Larsa. Make sure it's for Eddie, everybody.

[M]

Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here. It's a new year. Trump just got inaugurated on Monday. You know, some people are happy about it, some aren't. I didn't vote for Trump. Even though I look like this, I love with you, but I also didn't vote for Kamala. I Didn't vote. And some people feel a certain type of way about that. I stand by my decision. And I'll tell you why I didn't vote. Because I am a felon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is perfect.

[M]

Where my felons at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not only did that answer our question, how you open a set, but that

[Red Band]

also brings me to the most interesting

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

part of the interview.

[Red Band]

That was fantastic. How are you a felon?

[M]

Assaulting police officers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. I'm guessing this was in Florida, because that shit don't fly out here.

[M]

This was. This was in Virginia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay, okay.

[M]

Towards the end of my time, it was. I was in college for six months. I assaulted police officers. And I wasn't in college anymore after that.

[John D.]

What provoke that, dude? Cuz, you know, you look like you could get away with something already. So why. Why would you not go with the flow?

[M]

Yeah, it was a long. I was eating acid heavily at the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Oh, I thought you were.

[John D.]

Just thought he said ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, me too. He's just like, jason, like, here we go.

[John D.]

Was it at a Waffle House?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[John D.]

All right.

[M]

Actually, sorry. I did go to a Waffle House immediately upon getting out of jail.

[Red Band]

Hell yeah. That's where everyone goes.

[M]

It was great. No, I was in college and I was. I ate acid one time for like two months straight and I. I lost my mind. I was. I drank a bunch of Everclear Jungle Juice and there was a cop in my dorm when I got back and. And I didn't like that, I guess. I don't really remember exactly how it happened, but.

[Red Band]

What did the report say?

[M]

Oh, it was a 15 page police report. We were together for hours. I busted. I thought when they finally got me to the police car, like, I remember telling the cop that when he had me on in ankle cuffs and my hands back, that that's how I had his wife on the ground. And just being as disrespectful as possible when he got me in the car, I thought that if I went to jail, then I. Or if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't have to go to jail. So I got this scar because I busted my head open on the plexiglass between the front and the back of the police car and then went to the hospital, caught a felony at the hospital and had to go to jail.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[M]

Yeah. That was just pages like 1 through 3. I don't know how many of these.

[Red Band]

Absolutely incredible.

[John D.]

You need to talk more about stuff like this, dude, that's way funnier than your. Or whatever you did.

[M]

I have earlier,

[John D.]

that whole. Because I look like this. And you should follow it up with. And I didn't vote for Kamala either, because I look like this. Because, you know, at first glance, bro, I wasn't sure. Yeah, it could have.

[M]

I understand.

[John D.]

You could have gone either way without.

[Sandy]

You're.

[John D.]

You're really funny. You just needed an opportunity to get comfortable in front of the audience. That's what I noticed. Like, okay. Something tells me there's more. There's more than just that minute. So I'm glad we gave you that chance to do that for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eddie Larsa, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna keep flying through. You already have a joke book, right? There he goes.

[Red Band]

Eddie Larsa, third or fourth time on the show. Your next comedian goes by the name of Michael Scott. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Michael Scott.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody makes a noise for Michael Scott.

[Michael Scott]

You guys look like you with rap music, right?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Cool crowd. Okay, you guys remember rapper Mystical?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shake your ass.

[Michael Scott]

Watch yourselves. Show me what you're working with. That guy, Mystical. Mystical was my favorite rapper when I was a kid. It wasn't for the bars because he wasn't great. It was more the fact that I found out he was a combat engineer during the Gulf War. Mystical was a minesweeper. I liked to play this game where I imagine Mystical out there leading his troops during the Gulf War while preparing for his future rap career. He has. Hey, guys, hang back real quick. I gotta make sure it's clear. Is the minesweeper. Danger?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Watch yourselves. Get on the floor.

[Michael Scott]

All right, all right. That's all I got. Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Scott.

[Red Band]

Doing good. Doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Some super topical mystical material at the height of his career.

[Red Band]

Some references From, I think 22 years ago or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He got accused of rape recently.

[Michael Scott]

So I. It's back in the news.

[John D.]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I guess again.

[Red Band]

Yeah, but you're not talking about that. You're talking about the lyrics to the song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, I guess that's what got me thinking.

[Red Band]

Michael, how long you been doing standup?

[John D.]

Eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight years.

[Red Band]

Where at?

[Michael Scott]

California. Bakersfield. I started. I'm from Fresno. I started in Bakersfield.

[Red Band]

Nice. And you live here now?

[Michael Scott]

Yes, for a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A year.

[Michael Scott]

December 30th.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[John D.]

Where. Where in Fresno did you get to perform? When you. You said you started in Fresno.

[Michael Scott]

I started. I lived in Fresno. I started comedy in Bakersfield.

[John D.]

Okay. 661. Whereabouts in. In Bakersfield?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The.

[Michael Scott]

Well, Comedy club. They're going to love that.

[John D.]

They're going to love that.

[Michael Scott]

Daniel Bats all right.

[Red Band]

Is that the one where it's like a little cube that you stand on? Not a stage. It's like a box. I once performed in Bakersfield on a box.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I did. You don't forget gigs like that, Chance. No, I remember it was like, you

[Red Band]

know, you drove a few hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was like a couple hundred bucks.

[Red Band]

This is 15 years ago or whatever. And I got there, and you had to, like. It was, like, high enough to where you. Literally. There wasn't like, a staircase or anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had to, like, body yourself up and, like, throw a leg over and like, hey, what's up, everybody? And just, like, be confident and cool after that. I never forget having to. But you wouldn't have had a chance at this place. You would have been like, oh, I guess I'm standing next to a box for this performance. It was so weird. It was like four and a half

[Red Band]

feet up in the air, like, crawling up this. All right, so from.

[John D.]

So grew up in Fresno. First time performing was in Bakersfield. And then you went to. To Los Angeles?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Rob Edwards]

My.

[Michael Scott]

My parents live there in la.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[John D.]

What brought you out to Texas?

[Michael Scott]

I was dating a girl. She got a transfer for a job. We moved out here. We broke up. And then. Yeah.

[Red Band]

Now how long were you able to make it last? Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This from Dallas is losing her mind slowly throughout the show, becoming more and more annoying. Why did you gasp like that, lady?

[Red Band]

It's okay. You can answer. You want to make noises during the show. These are the repercussions. Why'd you. Why are you making noises about. About them breaking up everybody moving to Dallas.

[Michael Scott]

I don't live in Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody's moving to Dallas. Literally nobody wants to move where you live. Nobody. Even the people that have to for work don't want to move there. I like Dallas, but nobody's moving there. So control yourself, or else you're going

[Red Band]

to get embarrassed again like it's just happened. All right, let's go back to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Red Band]

So how long were you able to make that relationship work in Austin?

[Michael Scott]

Eight months.

[Red Band]

Okay. Where do you think it went wrong? Is this a white girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

God damn it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I knew it.

[John D.]

How did you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to know how I know?

[Red Band]

You know how Cam couldn't do an impression of a white person?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think Michael can do an impression impression of a black person. I'm a white guy that was raised in an all black neighborhood. I have a good ear and eye for these things. Michael Scott.

[Michael Scott]

We did this last time I was on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we did this makes sense. I. I'd imagine so, yeah. Yeah. Like, if you close your eyes, he's a white guy.

[Red Band]

Everybody close your eyes. Michael, say some nice things.

[Michael Scott]

Thank you for calling customer support.

[John D.]

And he hasn't said the N word once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And no, no. If you remember from my last set.

[Michael Scott]

I don't say the N word. I say ne' er do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, okay. No one remembers your last set. Pretend like that never happened. How long ago was that, Sam?

[Michael Scott]

Talent episode 668. I remember.

[Red Band]

Okay, so that's about July.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A year.

[John D.]

July.

[Michael Scott]

End of June.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, fine.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, like a couple months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Michael Scott]

Oh, I lost D. Madness. Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[John D.]

Huh?

[Red Band]

Oh, John D. Is giving you permission to say the NW. He wants to hear you say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My.

[Michael Scott]

What's up, W.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess I'm allowed to say it now, too. Oh, I, I, I didn't.

[John D.]

Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, all right.

[John D.]

Oh, my God.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael. What do you think is the blackest thing about you?

[Jason Vest]

You.

[Michael Scott]

All right, here we go.

[Sandy]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A woman out there just yelled to dance.

[Red Band]

Can you do dance like a black guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

Let's see this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give me some music here. Come on, Play some mystical guys.

[Red Band]

Bad me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I swear to God, I can. I swear to God I have a bad me. I can't dance right now. I swear to God, my. I tore my Achilles tendon. Come on. Hey, hey. Oh, there's the lighting.

[John D.]

Told you to say danger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, white guy. Go, white guy. Go, white guy. Hey. What do you want? Welcome to white dance party. All right. It doesn't.

[John D.]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My grandma is going to kill me. You let you dance for those white people?

[Red Band]

That's what she's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet that's exactly what she sounds like, too.

[Red Band]

What in the world would put you in that conundrum to where white people are asking you to dance for them? My dear, sweet Michael Scott, Your name

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is whiter than anything about you. By the way, my mom was going

[Michael Scott]

to name me Jerick. Actually, like, not Jared, not, Not Derek, but Jerich.

[Red Band]

Well, so I'm Michael Scott the second.

[Michael Scott]

My dad is Michael Scott.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jericho should be named Donald, because you dodged a bullet there. My middle name is Donnell. And he danced like Donald Trump. He did kind of dance like Donald Trump. We know who he voted for. He's like, I could totally dance like a black guy that. Oh, Michael, I love it.

[Red Band]

So did this white girl break your heart here?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Yeah, she did. Explain to us kind of how it.

[John D.]

That's right. That. That's what triggered this Whole thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[John D.]

The white girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are.

[Michael Scott]

You guys are really trying to kill me.

[John D.]

No, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Made me dance on my bag leg.

[Michael Scott]

All right, let's do this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah. You guys actually know her?

[John D.]

You dated a comic?

[Red Band]

Michael, can you answer the questions? Okay, go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know a lot of people.

[John D.]

You dated a comic?

[Michael Scott]

I'm work. Yeah.

[John D.]

Wow.

[Red Band]

Oh, she's a comedian.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay. It doesn't matter. Can you tell us how she broke your heart?

[Michael Scott]

If you will stop that.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lindsay Tyreek. This is an unbelievable interview, Michael. It's ridiculous. We talked about this last time. We talked about this.

[Red Band]

Like ant. Stick to the questions here. You're on my show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Red Band]

Okay. How did she break your heart?

[Michael Scott]

She started dating another comic. Started talking to another comic while we were dating. Told me they were friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then did they do a little writing together?

[N]

No.

[John D.]

Oh, God. Are we gonna start doing comic puns? She segued her vagina onto his microphone. She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She opened her mic.

[John D.]

She opened. How recent was recently was this. Sorry, if we're on you right now. What. How recently was this?

[Michael Scott]

Eight months. February. So almost here. Eighth. I remember it was the eighth, and it was on the way to kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We.

[Michael Scott]

We broke up in the car, about to get out the car to go to Poor Choices for the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The.

[Michael Scott]

For the money.

[M]

Wow.

[Red Band]

And did you continue to stay in Poor Choices that evening?

[Sandy]

Oh,

[Michael Scott]

did you, honestly? Yeah, I did sign up that night, and I still stayed, and I stuck

[Red Band]

around, and she signed up and stayed. So you guys are kind of, like, at the bar, just, like, looking at each other like.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[John D.]

And you still run into her, huh?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, no, we're actually really cool now. Like, it's funny. It's like, we're cool as now.

[Red Band]

Is she still with that other comedian guy? Guy?

[Tim Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Yeah. And they seem happy together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

And, dude, we hang out all the time.

[Red Band]

Is he a black guy?

[Michael Scott]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Michael Scott]

Could not be the opposite. It could not be more.

[Red Band]

Isn't that amazing? Once you go black, you never go back. But if you go Michael Scott,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you can go anywhere. You'll try a lot.

[Red Band]

I just want somebody that can dance. How'd you hurt your knee?

[Michael Scott]

Mma.

[Red Band]

Wow. Look at that.

[John D.]

He could fight.

[Sandy]

Dude.

[John D.]

Careful.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Before I did comedy, I was a fighter for. Yeah, for a while. For a good while.

[Red Band]

Oh, my goodness. Wow.

[Michael Scott]

I see him spinning quick.

[M]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

What kind of fighting were you?

[Michael Scott]

Jiu jitsu was my specialty. Purple belt.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

But, yeah, I love kickboxing. I love to kick. Yeah. Just. I keep Breaking. I'm. I keep. I'm fragile. I keep breaking.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[John D.]

Yeah. What Was your record?

[Michael Scott]

2 and 2. 2 and 2.

[Red Band]

2 and 2.

[Michael Scott]

2 and 2. I started off great and I kept. I had a habit of taking fights on short notice. Every promoter knew they could just call

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

me Old John straight off the broken bones jones over here.

[Michael Scott]

That's fucking solid.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah. It's just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They.

[Michael Scott]

So I never went pro. I was an amateur. Amateurs don't get paid. But if you're willing to take on anybody like they. You get paid a little bit under the table. So I would get like, timely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you made a little bit of side cash?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, so I'd make 400 to fight. Promoters knew they can call me, but I took my. I started off 2 and 0, and then I took my last two fights six days notice and then eight days notice and I got my.

[Red Band]

Just cannot for the life of me picture this. Like, did. Would you do your walk out with like the gloves and your glasses still on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You hand them to your coach right as you get in the octagon?

[Red Band]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I. You walked out with your.

[Red Band]

You would be four.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Zero right now now if your opponent didn't see you walk out with glass.

[Michael Scott]

If I could get hit in the eyes and my contacts wouldn't fall out, I would.

[Red Band]

Yes, I would be. You fought with contacts in.

[Michael Scott]

I did that one time and then I got hit and it went. I felt it.

[Red Band]

I felt it under here.

[Michael Scott]

And yeah, so what I would do. I never would fight with him. I just handed my coach and then I have him lead me to the cage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your eyes don't seem that bad with those glasses on, by the way.

[Rob Edwards]

Way, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, your eyes don't seem that bad with. I still think D Madness would beat the out of you right now.

[John D.]

Was you did your. Were your medical bills ever more than what you got paid?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Always.

[Michael Scott]

The thing is, amateurs don't. Amateurs don't get paid anything.

[John D.]

Anytime you're starting off, you're always like, yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Yep.

[John D.]

Like when he had to get on that box.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Red Band]

And I basically paid the same amount of. For gas that what I. To get me there and back.

[John D.]

And we just wanted the time you'd

[Michael Scott]

be paying for your medicals. Just to be licensed in California is like it Back then it was like. I think it was like 400 bucks or so or.

[N]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

It's like you're paying out of pocket to get your ass kicked, and then if you have broken bones, you're paying for that too. That's just how it Was so. I never got. I never went pro. It was just. I. Yeah, well, it sucks.

[Red Band]

What are your future goals, Michael?

[Michael Scott]

Other than I work at Hotel Ella. I don't know if you guys ever heard of it. It's a hotel here in Austin. It's a little boutique hotel.

[Red Band]

Is that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm a valet.

[Red Band]

35.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, right off at 30.

[Red Band]

Is that connected to that new sushi joint?

[Rob Edwards]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. There's a new all you can eat sushi joint.

[Michael Scott]

That's machi sushi.

[Red Band]

Unbelievable. Yeah. That's not that hotel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Okay. No. Oh, yeah. Dude, you're about to be in love. I've gone like three times in the past. Past two weeks.

[John D.]

Brand new out of a food combo. This is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they have a full size transformer

[Red Band]

out front, too, for you to, like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

stare at when you're digesting afterwards, which is amazing. Former bumblebee or something.

[Red Band]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's bumblebee.

[Red Band]

Oh, you've been there. A man known for his heavy protein intake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez, has been there. Bumblebees of Volkswagen.

[Red Band]

All right. Well, Michael, congratulations. You already have a joke book.

[Michael Scott]

Yes, a big one.

[Red Band]

There he goes. Michael Scott, everybody. We're flying through it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn, that was a long interview. Yeah. We're getting to know a lot about these people tonight.

[Red Band]

Makes them.

[John D.]

You didn't know you had a fighter here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He did not look like a fighter.

[Red Band]

He's got.

[John D.]

I feel bad for some of the jokes. Gonna catch me in the back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is one of those fluffy. That is one of those wild situations where you never know who you're talking to. Notice I got a. Not a lot nicer after he said he's a amateur fighter. Purple belt. Normally, if you see a black guy

[Red Band]

with a purple belt, he's a pimp.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. That's a joke I was gonna do earlier, but the time passed. But I got it out.

[Red Band]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Yale Reemez. Yale Reames, perhaps. Yale. Thank you.

[Yale Reams]

I've been getting into a lot of arguments recently. Most recently with my girlfriend. She snatches food off of my plate all the time. And her excuse is always, oh, come on. There's no yours or mine. It's all ours. I'm like, well, if that's how you feel, why do you get so upset when I try to put a thumb in our butthole? I also got into it with a friend of mine. I thought she was telling me a joke. She told me that her cat had feline aids. I Didn't think it was real. So my first thing that I said was like, I didn't even know your cat was a slut. And she goes, that's not how they get it. That's not how they get it. And I was like, where do you get it from sharing needles? What are you talking about? She was upset, but she shouldn't have named her cat Meowgic Johnson, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[John D.]

Oh, the timing on that. The timing on that.

[Red Band]

An amazing minute.

[John D.]

It's like meow was the punchline at the end of that.

[Red Band]

That's perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Magical.

[John D.]

So perfect.

[Red Band]

Dude, this is your first time on the show, right?

[Yale Reams]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[Red Band]

Welcome, Yale. How do you say that last name?

[Yale Reams]

Reams.

[Red Band]

Reams. Welcome, welcome. How long you been with doing stand up?

[Yale Reams]

About four years now.

[Red Band]

Where at?

[Yale Reams]

I actually just moved down from Columbus a couple weeks ago.

[Red Band]

Beautiful. Congratulations.

[John D.]

You do the Funny bone up there?

[Yale Reams]

No, they don't let me in there.

[John D.]

It's the thumb joke. I know the owner, he don't like jokes like that anyway. Yeah, I thought that was funny, man. That was hysterical.

[Yale Reams]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Red Band]

Why didn't they let you into the Funny Bone?

[Yale Reams]

They let me in for, like, the competitions. They do, like, the new comics competitions. He kind of books that they'd pass you. They book one person every 12 months to host, so it's just.

[Red Band]

Yeah, you're waiting around.

[Yale Reams]

There's too many people. Not enough spots.

[Red Band]

Exactly. A lot of these big cities, a lot of cool big cities like Columbus just simply don't have a real scene. So how long have you been here?

[Yale Reams]

Moved down here in December.

[Red Band]

The was so funny about that. There's some cool big cities that don't have a real comedy scene.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Columbus, admittedly, where we have lived, like, if you want to make money, open up a comedy club in Columbus, because there's only one.

[John D.]

Really?

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Yale Reams]

I mean, my hometown club there was. They had the new one called the Attic, and that one was, like, struggling for a while, but they're finally turning it around.

[Red Band]

Yeah. Okay. How long have you been here?

[Yale Reams]

December. I moved down in December.

[Red Band]

You love it already?

[Yale Reams]

Yeah, it's fun. It's. I love the fact that I can do a shitload of sets, even if they're shitty open mics. I love that I can do a bunch of sets in a night.

[Red Band]

Well, I'm sure people are recognizing how funny you are very quickly. How much material do you think you have that's as good as that minute?

[Yale Reams]

I could probably do 15 to 20.

[Red Band]

Nice. Have you done that? Length of a set before?

[Yale Reams]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Okay, awesome. What do you do for work?

[Yale Reams]

Nothing right now. I'm on the job hunt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

What did you do in Columbus?

[Yale Reams]

I used to work for an engineering firm. I used to do construction.

[John D.]

Some well paying stuff. Yeah, that's like, I.

[Yale Reams]

There's a reason I don't work for them anymore. They realize their mistake after a year and they were like, oh, this was a bad idea.

[John D.]

You clearly have some stuff you need to get off your chest.

[Red Band]

Hey, were you able to save some money from those jobs? How are you surviving?

[Yale Reams]

I have a rich girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Look at this. God bless America.

[Red Band]

What does she do for work?

[Yale Reams]

Engineer.

[Red Band]

She's a real engineer.

[Yale Reams]

A real engineer.

[Red Band]

Oh, my goodness gracious. Does she have glasses like yours?

[Yale Reams]

No, I think they're. I mean, she has glasses, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you can't even see. You can't even tell. You never looked at her. Never looked at her eyes before.

[Red Band]

How long have you been with her?

[Yale Reams]

About four years now.

[Red Band]

And she moved here with you?

[Yale Reams]

Yes.

[Red Band]

So if everything goes on pace, if everyone's girlfriend leaves them after eight months here, so you have about six months left with her, what are you gonna do for work then, motherfucker?

[Yale Reams]

Fucking doordash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nah, I'm kidding.

[Red Band]

I love it. And you love her?

[Yale Reams]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Sex life is active?

[Tim Hanlon]

Sure.

[John D.]

Yeah, sounds like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. You missed it. There was a soft sure that happened right there.

[Yale Reams]

No, I got fat as I gained about 50 pounds. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Did she into it? Is she like, oh, you're like a bear now?

[Yale Reams]

She's into it. I just end up saying I'm sorry a lot and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Because what happened when you got fat?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You kind of like. Like you like to be on bottom more.

[Yale Reams]

I don't want to anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Red Band]

Explain to us what that's like. We've never really had this conversation with

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a guy who's a gold digger that went from skinny to bigger. We've never really gotten to have this before. When women are gold diggers, they have

[Red Band]

to stay in shape.

[Yale Reams]

Yeah, I know. I went from gold digger to golden corral.

[Red Band]

There you go.

[Yale Reams]

I. No, I just. I gained. We both got too lazy and happy and we both got fat.

[Red Band]

Oh, she got fat too?

[Yale Reams]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Oh, you're in great shape then.

[Yale Reams]

Yeah, we're fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're fine.

[Red Band]

As long as the woman who you're

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

using for money also gained weight, then you're even Stevens.

[Red Band]

The only person who loses here is your mattress. So what do you think contributed to you and your girl both getting big?

[Yale Reams]

I don't know, I think love just looks a lot like giving up. I don't know. I don't.

[Red Band]

When did you notice that you were having problems in the bedroom? Was it immediate? Was it a slow burn? Is there anything that you're doing to overcompensate? Are you having trouble getting a wreck? Because I will tell you, we are sponsored by BlueChew. We can make you hard as a rock. Try your first month of BlueChew free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. I love BlueChew. We know. We know you do.

[Red Band]

Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band does it just to have

[Red Band]

something to snack on sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This episode is also brought to you

[Red Band]

by Shopify and Talk Space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I forgot to say that earlier. I was actually supposed to say that.

[Red Band]

Is there anything that you're doing to help the situation? Are you eating as much as you are fast food?

[Yale Reams]

I eat way more than I do.

[Red Band]

Okay, tell us about that. That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about your process there.

[Red Band]

Is there anything that you do? Is there anything that you've learned? Is there. Is your. Is there an evolution to your eating? Or do you eat the same way you did the first time you ate it?

[Yale Reams]

No, because every is different.

[Red Band]

Okay, well, I thought you were only with one woman here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You might need to literally start looking for a job.

[Yale Reams]

I thought you meant the first time ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. Okay. Right. Yes.

[Red Band]

So tell us about your evolution of eating as you've gotten fatter.

[Yale Reams]

I like it

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

sometimes you look at

[John D.]

me when you said that. Hey, can I order a drink since we're talking about freaking eating here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another tequila for my teeth?

[John D.]

Yeah, please. Thank you. I feel you brought all these questions, by the way. Hey, you asked me to be on the show. I didn't know. Can I get some of that medication too?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want some that.

[Red Band]

What is this? A nicotine pouch from our friends over at Nicked nykd.

[John D.]

I don't have a problem with cigarettes, man. What's that other. The pill. Where's the pill?

[Red Band]

Oh, Blue Chew.

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we don't actually have any on us. We were reading off of that. Never mind. I love the party though. Can I have a tequila and an erection, please?

[John D.]

I got plans. I.

[Sandy]

After this.

[John D.]

I got your back, bro. Don't worry.

[Red Band]

I love it. So again, tell us how you eat.

[John D.]

Let's hear about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's get the spotlight on him and take us through it.

[Yale Reams]

The truth. I just don't eat it laying down on the bed anymore. I. I sit down off the side of the bed cuz it's Easier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You are just taking the shortcut in every single way. Okay, now the light is on.

[Red Band]

You show us how you eat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look directly out into the audience. Oh, wow.

[John D.]

Hey, guys, what is. What does pussy eating music sound like?

[Red Band]

Yeah, can we get some pussy eating? Can we get a little diddly there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he's already exhausted. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going through the process here. Okay, her thighs are over your shoulders right now. You're doing the hard clean. It must not smell bad for you to stay in the mix like that.

[John D.]

All right, this is it right here. This is it right here. There you go. Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Oh, my goodness. He's doing the dolphin. The dolphin move. Wow. He ate her pussy. And her ash.

[John D.]

He ate her ash.

[Red Band]

Kill Tony ashtray. That was incredible. What's the longest you think you've ever eaten your girlfriend's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just of torture.

[John D.]

Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, look out. My Latino. My Latino horn players have heard eating enough times. They're jamming over there. They can only hear the word eating 10 times before they just start soloing out over there playing some romantic ass. Oh, he's getting.

[Cam Patterson]

He's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's getting louder and more powerful. Yeah. Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, and Raul Vallejo. All right. All right,

[Red Band]

Yale. Tell us something else crazy about your life or that we would be interested to know about you. Any fun facts about Yale Reams?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a great name.

[Red Band]

Very original name. We had a Michael Scott before years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a billion Michael Scotts.

[Red Band]

There's only got to be one.

[Yale Reams]

I mean, I was. I was named after a guy that died who was named after a pro football hall of Famer, NFL hall of Famer Reams Yale.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that makes sense.

[Yale Reams]

I got that one from dad, though, right?

[Red Band]

Okay. Any other fun facts about you before we should let you go?

[Yale Reams]

I was in the army for a few years.

[Red Band]

Oh, what'd you do in the army?

[Yale Reams]

I was 35, Mike. It's a intelligence collector, interrogator.

[Red Band]

Okay. Awesome. Awesome.

[John D.]

He wasn't a recruiter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

You've been doing.

[John D.]

I gotta tell you, when you came out, man, you. You feel very comfortable, very polished. There was no hesitation as soon as you started performing, man. Man, you were funny out the gate.

[Yale Reams]

Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot.

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Appreciate it.

[John D.]

I noticed that immediately.

[Yale Reams]

Thank you very much.

[John D.]

I had somebody start over earlier because I felt like there was something there. But right out the gate, you felt very comfortable. So 15, 20 minutes, man. I feel like you got more. But, you know.

[Yale Reams]

Thank you.

[John D.]

You know, that's Just me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love.

[John D.]

As long as you're. As long as your set is longer than your eating, I think you're gonna be okay. Yeah, focus on that, dude. Everything else will fall into place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I loved the minute. Congratulations. Congratulations, Red Band. You know, because you're from Columbus, Ohio, and you're a funny guy, I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Yale Reams]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're getting a big kill Tony Jukebox. Yale Reams, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived to kill Tony. How exciting. A real gig. He just got out of this. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. How lovely.

[John D.]

This is going well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. J, make some noise for your next bucket poll. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds uninterrupted for Sandy, everyone. It's Sandy.

[Red Band]

Let's see what happens here with Sandy.

[Sandy]

Hey, what's Crack and kill? Tony, how we doing tonight? We doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

I feel like, as a comedian, have a lot in common with strippers, you know? You ever seen a stripper bomb on stage? God damn, dude.

[John D.]

Not even a dollar at you, girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goddamn, dude.

[Sandy]

I remember one time I told the stripper, I was like, hey, girl, you know, I could save you from this lifestyle, right? And then she showed me her bank account, and I was like, hey, actually, can you save me? Nah, man. I have bad taste in women. I remember one time I was at the beach and I fell in love with this blonde girl, you know? I went up to her and she had dreadlocks. She was a surfer chick. I was like, hey, girl, how'd you get your dreadlocks like that? She's like, I've been homeless three years. And I was like, what the fuck? Scared me, man. I could tell she was on drugs, you know, because we're doing cute shit. I was hanging around her, we held hands. We took a long walk on the beach. We played I Spy. You guys ever played I Spy with the tweaker? Hey, they're fucking good, yo. They're good at that shit, man. I kept, like, saying, I spy an orange umbrella. And she would find it all quick, and then she would be like, I spy someone's catalytic converter. I'm like, what? Yeah, man. I like midgets, you know, they have a nice ass. The only thing bigger than a midget's ass are their foreheads. You feel me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Sandy, welcome, welcome. A minute from Sandy.

[Red Band]

Is this your first time on the show?

[Sandy]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. What pot for Farmport you raised at. Look at you.

[Red Band]

Pink Floyd shirt. That head.

[Sandy]

I love drugs.

[John D.]

I don't know. And I love how comfortable you are. You are Fluffy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the.

[Sandy]

How did I not see you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[John D.]

I. I have never snuck up on anybody. Thank you, man. Hey, hey, hey. I should wear black more often.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look good, brother.

[Sandy]

Good to see you, man.

[John D.]

Yeah, you're very comfortable. You came here and just felt chill, you know?

[Sandy]

Yeah. Now I've seen you. I grew up. My family loves you. I've seen you at the Citizens Bank Arena Toyota in Ontario.

[John D.]

Thank you, man.

[Sandy]

I'm from the ie so it's. It's cool to see. I know you started at the Ontario, so it's. It's cool.

[John D.]

This is about you, bro.

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[John D.]

You're funny, man.

[Sandy]

Thank you, man. I appreciate you, Fluffy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you guys have ever wondered what

[Red Band]

people from the Inland Empire look like, it is these two.

[Ari Maddie]

That.

[John D.]

That is your hair, right? That is your hair, right?

[Sandy]

I think so.

[John D.]

And the only reason I asked this because it's impressive and I haven't had it in a long time.

[Red Band]

Incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lot there.

[Red Band]

What do you do for work, Sandy? I gotta know.

[Sandy]

I'm a. I'm a service technician at apartment complex. So I do it. I fix air conditioners, I do plumbing, you know, it's cool.

[Red Band]

I love it. So you're just walking in there stone just as hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every. With electrical sockets. It's.

[Sandy]

You know how many times I've been

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

shocked, you know, cuz I was like, can't even imagine.

[Red Band]

Do you live at the apartment complex that you manage?

[Sandy]

30% off rent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They only give you 30% off.

[Sandy]

Hey, California, it's up out there a lot.

[John D.]

30% is a lot in California.

[Sandy]

Oh, damn it is, dude. It's good, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it's a.

[Red Band]

It's a full time job.

[Sandy]

Full time. Been there six years.

[Red Band]

So sometimes you get awakened in the middle of the night and this and that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Sandy]

And I got to go stop, you know, fix things and.

[Red Band]

What are some of the crazier calls that you've ever gotten? Have you ever.

[Sandy]

One time I was at BE Buffalo Wild Wings and they called me like, there's two apartments on fire. Can you come help? And I'm like, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Red Band]

They're like, hey, let's just see if

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we can get the kid to put out the fire. There's a fire.

[Red Band]

Who do we call? Call us Andy.

[Jack Shaw]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how they, that's how they manage fires in Southern California. I don't know if you guys have been. I don't know if you guys have been walk watching the news at all. We got a fire in The Pacific palisades.

[Red Band]

There's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's 20,000 cubic miles on fire.

[Red Band]

Who do we call?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sandy. Sorry.

[Red Band]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Millions of people. He's at a Buffalo Wild Wings right now. Gavin Newsome's first call. Did we try Sandy? Oh, my God.

[John D.]

Can I see your Gavin Newsome impression again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a.

[John D.]

Wait, wait, hold on.

[Red Band]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think I have one.

[Red Band]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think I.

[John D.]

Because your lips changed. Look at your lips.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We need to call Sandy. We have this under control. There's nothing that can go wrong with Sandy. I mean, look at him.

[Sandy]

I thought it looked good. It's my birthday today too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I'm gonna light a blunt.

[John D.]

So how long you've been doing this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years.

[Sandy]

Last three years. January 20th.

[John D.]

And where'd you start doing stand up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The IE.

[Sandy]

So I do. You know, I'm always at the Improv. Yeah, right there. Yeah, I started in the IE. I'm always in Riverside. Just everywhere, you know, LA. Try to hit Hollywood as much as possible. And. And so I grew up. Man, that's cool.

[John D.]

And then. So you. You're living out here now? You just.

[Sandy]

I just came to visit. My friends live out here, so it's. It's cool. And they let me sleep on the couch for, like, 10 days.

[John D.]

That's freaking awesome.

[Sandy]

Thank you. Thank you, Fluffy. Damn, I never thought Fluffy would be passing me a goddamn line. Dude, this is cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What birthday is this for you?

[John D.]

So who's.

[Sandy]

It's. You want to take a wild guess? Because people were getting it wrong all day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna assume you are siete ucho.

[John D.]

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say he's 23, 22, 29.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

No, people have been saying I look 43. I was pissed off.

[Red Band]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, people are like, he's the Mexican Danny DeVito over here. Hey, I'm the penguin. Hey, look, I'm. Hey, look, I'm the penguin, dude.

[Ari Maddie]

There you go.

[Sandy]

Red bad.

[Red Band]

Hell yeah. So what. Tell us more about you, Sandy. You've been to put out fires. You're an apartment manager. How long you been doing stand up? Let's talk about that.

[N]

Three years.

[M]

Three years.

[Red Band]

That's right. That's right.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

My first job, I got my finger cut off at work.

[Red Band]

So wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Holy.

[John D.]

Oh, gross.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, we have a. A lot of fainters in the front row tonight.

[John D.]

Won't do that again. Yeah.

[Sandy]

Never finger a fat chick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, the last time I do that job oh. Oh, I paid $10 too. Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

She ate you out. That is incredible. How did you lose that finger?

[Sandy]

Finger and fat girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm just kidding. Fireworks.

[Sandy]

Ups.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ups.

[Sandy]

Dude, I was 18 years old, first job ever. Two weeks into it, lost my finger. It was but pretty embarrassing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is exactly?

[John D.]

And why is it missing?

[Sandy]

Just a cart squished it off and I had to pull. I pulled off a glove and it just ripped it off even more. I was like, ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Sandy]

They tried to say they could save it. They couldn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

What can brown do for you?

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

So did UPS pay you well for that?

[Sandy]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Sandy]

How much?

[Red Band]

Why do I have to guess?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody? I don't know what's going on here.

[Red Band]

What is this, a circus?

[John D.]

He got free shipping for a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. Hey, they gave me. Me.

[Red Band]

They gave me 30% off.

[Sandy]

$44,000. 4,000. $4,000 apparently.

[Red Band]

Did you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did. Did you just settle immediately?

[Sandy]

No. I try to fight and they're like, no, this is as much as you get. Even the lawyers are like, no, this is as much as you're going to get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Incredible.

[Red Band]

You had a lawyer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a lawyer off a bus in the Empire 4? Ch.

[Ari Maddie]

Ch.

[John D.]

I like that. You top my joke using bigger numbers. I went two. You win.

[Jack Shaw]

You win.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't know what two was. I didn't even know you did the same. Oh, I. I didn't have any.

[Red Band]

I speak a no espanol.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy. Because I'm the governor of California. All right.

[Sandy]

I don't speak Spanish either, brother, so I'm good.

[Red Band]

Really.

[Sandy]

Mucho dog. That's all I know. Or Sakala, bolita. I don't even know what that means.

[John D.]

A little, but not a lot. Means he's got narcotics on him. Are we really surprised?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chichi Gordo.

[Red Band]

Oh, my God. Indexo Fingero. Sandy, what do you do for fun? You seem like a guy that has some hobbies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For sure.

[John D.]

He seems fun. He seems very fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sandy]

Just comedy, dude. That's all I do work in comedy. You know, just getting that time in as much as possible. That's why I've fallen.

[John D.]

What are you doing right now that you're not, like during the day before you got here tonight to do stand up? What do you do just to entertain yourself?

[Sandy]

Drink?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Sandy]

It's my birthday, so everyone's been buying me drinks. I mean, thank you, girl.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Listen to the dumb from Dallas, everybody who just realized that it's his Birthday because she so deep in her own

[Red Band]

world that she found that out seven minutes after everybody else did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Happy birthday. Please don't move to Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. At least she's hot. At least she's hot.

[Sandy]

I'll take that. Go, girl. Get it, girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At least she's hot.

[John D.]

You're high.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're high for a match made in heaven. Someone's about to get the lightest fingering of her life.

[Sandy]

I usually for the clit, I just vibrate it on the clay. Like you put 200, let it vibrate on the clit. They love it. It works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've heard a finger bang. That's like finger poof. Wow.

[Sandy]

It's my trigger finger too. I'm left handed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're left handed? Oh, that is so sad. Oh my God.

[John D.]

I thought that was the only, like, positive, like at least it was a left hand. You like, that's. That's probably how you got that in there, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

So happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are the times where you notice it affects you the most other than

[Red Band]

like obviously shooting a gun?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it hard to write?

[Sandy]

It's hard to do my job, you know, just fixing things at work, trying to get a screw again. It's hard, right? It's hard to write. Yeah, of course it's hard to write.

[John D.]

My.

[Sandy]

But I've always had sloppy writing. It's a left handed thing. What else is it hard to do?

[Red Band]

Jack off the left handed.

[Sandy]

We're left handed all the way, man.

[Red Band]

Wow. Absolutely.

[Sandy]

All my. All my. My. All my cousins are left handed too, which is kind of crazy. Never really hear that. My sister's left handed. Whole family's left handed.

[Red Band]

Absolutely amazing.

[Sandy]

Which explains why it looked like this probably. Goddamn. Someone said I look like a witch earlier. I'm like, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That does not make sense.

[Red Band]

Someone told you that you look like a witch?

[John D.]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Then what did you go?

[Red Band]

You went.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If I had a finger like that, I would be using it all the time.

[Red Band]

Be like, oh, Tony Hinchcliffe. You mean the half index fingered guy? It would be my identity. All right.

[Sandy]

Well, it's been fun, man. I Best birthday of my life, man.

[Red Band]

I bet it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday, my friend. Congratulations. What are you doing Thursday?

[Sandy]

Thursday I have a show in Palm Springs.

[Red Band]

Oh, well, there you go, Kelly.

[John D.]

Where in Palm Springs?

[Sandy]

It's a new spot. It's called the Rock Gallery. It's a cool spot. Luis CK will be headlining there next month, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's.

[Sandy]

And I'll be headlining there and I think the next week after him. So trying to just get it as much as possible, man.

[Red Band]

Okay. When do you head to Palm Springs?

[Sandy]

I'll be leaving tomorrow to get there by Thursday.

[Red Band]

What are you driving?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you walking?

[Sandy]

No, I'm. No, I'm hitchhiking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Taking horse and carriage. I have to leave tomorrow. The show's Thursday night. With the wind the way that it is, I must hit the Sunday roads, not Thursday.

[Sandy]

If I need to stay out here, I mean, I'll stay out here. I'll ditch the other show. I mean.

[Red Band]

I mean, it's a paid gig in Palm Springs, right? You've been booked on it for a while.

[Sandy]

A little bit.

[Red Band]

Right. So you're fine. How about next Thursday?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Next time you're in Austin, let us know.

[John D.]

Right?

[Sandy]

I will. Yeah.

[Red Band]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And happy birthday. Here's a big joke book. Here's some.

[Sandy]

Thank you, mister.

[John D.]

Let's eat tea. Let's ET Give me ET Left hand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Wait. Give me that stuff back real quick. I want to throw.

[Red Band]

I want you to catch it with your left hand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right hand's so fun. Give me the book back, too. Let's see what happens here. All right, Here. Let's have some fun.

[Red Band]

Welcome to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the Olympics, everybody. Oh, okay. Use your chest on that one. I'm gonna put it out there. Hey, very good. Here's some more here. Keep gushing. Here we go. Oh, okay. There you go. All right.

[Red Band]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sandy, everybody. All right, we're getting there.

[Red Band]

Let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's get one or two more up here. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Rob Edwards, everybody. Rob Edwards. You guys having fun tonight? Oh, make some noise for Rob Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.

[Rob Edwards]

Greetings, motherfuckers. How y' all doing? You good? That's what's up. I hate going home for the holidays, mostly. Cause every time I go back, they ask me the same shit. It's, rob, when you gonna bring us some grandbabies? Which I never know what to say to that. Cause I don't know how to put a timetable on an accident. You feel me? Cause I'm not gonna do it on purpose. So they're basically asking me, rob, when you gonna get into a car crash? Like, it's not on the vision board at the moment. I don't know what to say to these people. You feel me? Like, what's the math on that? How would I explain it? The math. Like, what's the math on that? Probability. What is the probability that I knock a chick up in a red state and can't sneak her into A blue state. What is. It's not very good. I'll figure it out. We'll find a way. Now, every time I talk about the Roe v. Wade shit, they're like, rob, you live in California. You ain't got to worry about that. And I'm like, nah, see, that's how you build bad habits. I'm not really with that shit. I might live in California, but I fuck like I live in Mississippi. You know what I'm saying? I take it very seriously. I have a Confederate flag in my bedroom just to remind myself of the situation I could be in. I gotta pull out. You know what I'm saying? And when I'm about to come and say, the south shall rise again, and then I pull out and nobody gets pregnant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rob Edwards. I love it.

[Red Band]

This is your first time on the show, right?

[Jason Vest]

Yeah.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Absolutely incredible set. And amazing that you're here to do it less than 24 hours after you won the AFC championship yesterday. I mean, one second you're going to the super bowl, the next kill.

[Sandy]

Tony, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Red Band]

What is it?

[Rob Edwards]

I'm in Ravens gear.

[John D.]

I lost.

[Red Band]

Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Red Band]

Well, I mean. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's really applicable for any NFL team.

[Rob Edwards]

I don't know, so I hope they pick me up. Money.

[Red Band]

You must have played. I mean, sports even as recently as today, it appears.

[Rob Edwards]

You know, I try to stay in shape.

[Sandy]

You know, I gotta try.

[Cam Patterson]

Bacon sort out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got.

[Rob Edwards]

I can jump a little bit.

[Red Band]

Yeah, you can. What's your vertical leap?

[Rob Edwards]

Back when I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He knows the number.

[Rob Edwards]

I mean, back when I was doing. Was like 38, 39. Back when I was in shape, 38,

[Red Band]

39 inches in the air. Red band. Can't even do that in stairs. He's got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could roll down some stairs. Down.

[Red Band]

Absolutely. Rob, what do you do for. How long you been doing? Stand up.

[Rob Edwards]

Be. It was seven years in October, so, like, seven.

[Michael Scott]

Where.

[Red Band]

All of it in Baltimore. Do you live here now?

[Rob Edwards]

Well, I do it. I'm from the Bay Area, so. California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Rob Edwards]

Been doing it out there in San Francisco.

[Red Band]

Okay. That's where you live now?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

It's crazy up there, right?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah. A lot of you think the homeless. It's a lot worse than it is down here.

[Red Band]

I know it is. It's quite frightening. And it's not even really just homelessness as much as it is, like, drug addicts.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Mental illness, crack.

[Rob Edwards]

Right in front of you. So, yeah, it's cool.

[Red Band]

We saw a lot of crazy Man.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah, I'm a. I'm a plumber. That's my day job. And somebody, like, OD'd under my van while I was working, so I was.

[Red Band]

Wow. Under the van?

[Rob Edwards]

I thought they were, like, stealing my catalytic converter, so I went over there to, like, stomp him out, and turned out he was, like, dying, so I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

was like, God already did that.

[Sandy]

Yeah, he beat me to it.

[John D.]

Oh, man.

[Rob Edwards]

He beat me to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do not steal the catalytic converter of the Lord's will.

[Rob Edwards]

You beat me to it for sure.

[Red Band]

Amazing. So you're a plumber in San Francisco?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

How long you been doing that for?

[Rob Edwards]

I've been plumbing for, like, 10 years.

[Red Band]

What made you get into plumbing?

[Rob Edwards]

I needed money.

[Red Band]

Hell, yeah. Seem like a guy that's good at laying pipe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of blood in that poop up there, huh? Red Band, our senior correspondent.

[Rob Edwards]

I was like, what? I didn't even hear what he said.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said, a lot of blood in the poop up there. Implying that San Francisco has an overwhelming amount of gay men and sickly men. He's not wrong.

[Rob Edwards]

He's not wrong. He's not wrong at all. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Red Band]

What is the worst plumbing situation you've

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ever had to go through that?

[Red Band]

What is literally the shittiest situation? 10 years of plumbing. I got to know. Big tall guy like you, it's got to be crazy out there is.

[Rob Edwards]

I mean, it's a lot of old. So it's a lot of old Asian money in there. So I'm like, the first nigger to go in a lot of these houses.

[Jason Vest]

And so.

[Rob Edwards]

I don't know. They just. I don't know. They try not to be, like. They try not to be racist, but, like, they accidentally be racist a lot of times. Oh, they don't know how to talk to black people like, the older Asian people, so.

[John D.]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're so tall. Yeah, you can do it.

[Rob Edwards]

I'm not gonna do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you mean what I did when I introduced them to the stage tonight? I caught myself. I'm like, all right. Makes when it's a raw bet. Holy. Oh, my God, he's so big in bracket. A bigger bracket, man.

[John D.]

More purple than you expected, huh?

[Rob Edwards]

Y' all ain't about to get me fired, Boy,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you. You were the tallest of prom. Yeah. Yes. Yes. The old typical Asian accent there from Mario.

[John D.]

Most of your crazy calls happen after hours, cuz usually that's when plumbers make the most money. Is because anytime I've had issues like, you know, it's always Calling after hours. And usually it's for something where you have no control over it. So.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah, I mean, kind of things have

[John D.]

you been called into?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah. On call type. What's. What's your question?

[John D.]

You're asking as far as, like, what's not the. Not the worst situation as far as like somebody being an. To you, but more so like the situation, like was a shower backed up, toilet backed up, the sink, the plumbing, was there something that was just pipes will break, bro.

[Rob Edwards]

Like that type. So you just gotta, you know, you go in there, shit's flooded or, you know, I mean, the worst is obviously like drain pipe. So. And stuff gets everywhere and then you gotta go in there and fix.

[Red Band]

Just incredible. Watching YouTube?

[John D.]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A veteran plumber talking to a veteran toilet clogger.

[John D.]

So we have a connection right here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He could probably show you some great ladies.

[Rob Edwards]

Flushing tampons. Ladies, please.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, they do.

[Rob Edwards]

That's the main one you run into.

[John D.]

You said 10 years of doing that, right?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[John D.]

Can you still get grossed out?

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah. I mean, you never get. You never get used to seeing shit. At least I don't, so.

[John D.]

Because I've talked to some plumbers that are like, I could eat lunch while fixing the freaking pipes. No, that's how. That's the level that I've seen some people get to.

[Red Band]

That is the most Mexican thing I've ever heard.

[John D.]

I could say it in Spanish and make it more Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, they're about to play a song or something. You keep that up.

[Red Band]

The road.

[John D.]

Stand up, man. Which I think is awesome. You have great timing. You came out very confident.

[Rob Edwards]

Oh, thank you. I was one. I got long setup, so I was like, I was wondering how my shit's gonna go here, but it went pretty.

[John D.]

What's the longest you've been on stage?

[Rob Edwards]

I mean, I'm. What do you mean? Like my time?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[M]

Yes.

[Rob Edwards]

45.

[John D.]

Oh, actually, he's been the first comic that's had a set longer than 15.

[Red Band]

Yeah, exactly. I. I love it. I would almost say, you know, my only note for you is I would put the mic closer to your mouth and kind of like use that bass and that power a little bit more and like drive it home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A red band doesn't understand how timing or beats work. So he thinks I'm making an actual joke over here. No, this is an actual stand up note.

[Red Band]

Like when you're doing your jokes that you clearly know how to do and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

write, it's so important that everybody's able

[Red Band]

to hear you for sure. And so it's a Blatant note.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wish I could give Red Ban a note and make him funny, but it's impossible. But I just did for you. He performs once a week at his own show. He performs once a week on his own show and puts himself up right where he wants to go, so. But you I can make better.

[John D.]

So from California you just came out here just. Just for kill?

[Rob Edwards]

Tony, I was in Dallas all week with my cousin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dallas, uh oh, but where is he from?

[Red Band]

Where was he at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do I live?

[Red Band]

All right, Rob, what kind of girls are you into? Big bootied.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Rob Edwards]

Big boot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll take care of the first. There's one part I'm positive of. Flat asses do not fly in the world of Rob.

[Rob Edwards]

You're talking about like color race?

[Red Band]

Yeah, sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly.

[John D.]

That's what he meant.

[Rob Edwards]

Honestly, the only color I care about is pink, so.

[Red Band]

Absolutely unbelievable. So is there anything you wouldn't fuck?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about that.

[Rob Edwards]

Race wise, I don't think as long as you attractive and you know, how

[Red Band]

about mentally or shape wise? There was someone that talked about loving midget earlier.

[Rob Edwards]

I can't do crazy chicks anymore, but yeah, yeah.

[Red Band]

What makes a girl crazy to you? What's a situation where you've had with a crazy woman?

[Rob Edwards]

Tried to cut me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So a Latina.

[Rob Edwards]

She was Puerto Rican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was Puerto Rican. Can't make it up. We love the Puerto Ricans.

[John D.]

We already know how you feel about Puerto Ricans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it is incredible. The one that tried to stab you, that's literally like their thing. Yeah, it is amazing.

[Rob Edwards]

Don't argue in the kitchen. Don't argue in the kitchen. That's the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, was in the kitchen.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Was she, mate?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was she cooking?

[Red Band]

Were you cooking?

[Rob Edwards]

No, she just. I was trying to leave and she was. The kitchen's next to the door, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, they'll find anything if it's in the living room, a TV antenna. They will get you with whatever they put.

[Red Band]

Possibly can find.

[Rob Edwards]

Perhaps safe proof. The house, I guess.

[Red Band]

Absolutely.

[John D.]

So mentally is only like, okay, no crazy girls. But he didn't say no to like, you know, like dwarfs or anything else.

[Red Band]

Yeah, no, it seems like everything else

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is on everything else.

[Rob Edwards]

Mostly normal sized women, I guess, is what has been the main thing, I guess. Yeah.

[Red Band]

All right, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's lying.

[John D.]

Say he's lying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm lying.

[Red Band]

Rob, seven years of standup comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Literally.

[Red Band]

I do believe my favorite set of the night, out of the bucket. So thank you so much. Here's a big joke book. Nothing for Rob, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thursday.

[Rob Edwards]

I'm not.

[Red Band]

Whoa, look at this red band trying to give spots away.

[John D.]

He's trying to offer you work, but you know.

[Red Band]

Hey, how about. How about Wednesday?

[Rob Edwards]

Wednesday I could. I could try to stay Wednesday.

[Red Band]

What are you. What's going on? What are you doing? What do you got this week?

[Rob Edwards]

I got shows later and then I got like court for some. On not. Nothing I did. Nothing I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, you got to go to court?

[Jason Vest]

Yeah.

[John D.]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is all right. Hilarious.

[Rob Edwards]

Not.

[John D.]

It's not racist. Cuz we already did this to a white person. Ask him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what? That weed is powerful. What did you do to where you

[Red Band]

have to go to court?

[Rob Edwards]

I don't even know if I can talk. It's just mostly jobs. Just somebody suing the company for some.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a witness.

[Rob Edwards]

Yeah, I was there when the job was.

[John D.]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Perfect.

[Rob Edwards]

Well, it's boring. I'm sorry.

[Red Band]

You're good. No, that was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great said. Great interview.

[Red Band]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rob Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. And with that funny Rob, we're gonna put a ribbon on it right now. Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the time to where there's only one way to end an episode like this. We have a regular on this show. Look, ladies and gentlemen. And we are very close to finding out whether he will get his citizenship to the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin, Ari Mary.

[Sandy]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[John D.]

Hello.

[Yale Reams]

Hello.

[Ari Maddie]

I went to North Carolina Asheville this weekend. It got hit by a horrible hurricane. It looked like a post apocalyptic movie. But then I went to the hotel room and I looked at Asheville before. I gotta tell you, the hurricane didn't do that much. Even the hurricane was like, oh, somebody already did this.

[John D.]

Louisiana is on fire. Louisiana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God, so sad. Where are the pedophiles gonna live now? My gong. Where are we gonna fuck the kids now? Eat my ass. La.

[Ari Maddie]

They asked me for a dollar at Whole Foods yesterday for the relief fund. La. Eat my ass. Who's that dollar gonna go to? Mel Gibson? Fuck you. I don't feel bad for people who lost a house because I wish I

[N]

had a house to lose.

[Ari Maddie]

You know what I'm saying? I wish I got a new start. I mean, I wish I had a start. That's probably the best part about being poor as shit, huh? And renting. I don't give a fuck if I go home after this gig and my apartment's on fire. The only thing I do is I put my hands out for warmth. I look at the landlord like, huh? I guess the lease is up now, motherfucker. A curse has been lifted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Wow. I mean, hey, Gabriel, what can you say? This is a superstar right here.

[Red Band]

I love that you're getting all this I'm still poor material out of the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

way before your fucking arena act.

[Ari Maddie]

I'm still poor, Gabriel. I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the same.

[Ari Maddie]

I don't have a plane.

[John D.]

This is the whitest foreigner I've ever met.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He is. This is my.

[Ari Maddie]

My love goes out to you.

[Rob Edwards]

Yes.

[Ari Maddie]

I'm sorry. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I didn't know what this is. I'm sorry. I'm autistic. I don't know what this is.

[John D.]

Oh, my God. So much for my show at the kids school. Might get a call soon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is wild. He can.

[Red Band]

I'm pretty sure he can do it. You guys were on that side of World War II.

[Ari Maddie]

Absolutely.

[Red Band]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Red Band]

So it's like how black people can say the N word. I think he can give the Nazi salute. Because your people.

[Ari Maddie]

Yes.

[Red Band]

Do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I'm trying to fix the situation. What would you do, Gabriel?

[John D.]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Maddie]

Put this on your next post.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're just gonna. We're just going to blur it or something. I guess no one will ever know. No. It's hilarious. It is kind of wild, right?

[Red Band]

You can. Autistic people can get away with stuff that blatantly non autistic people can.

[John D.]

They can get away with it till they acknowledge it. As long as they don't acknowledge it, I think they can pull off anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Red Band]

I've noticed. Elon, as much as he jokes around,

[John D.]

never says he's autist. Autistic, yeah. So then you can always make the case where. Well, you know, he's a little Asperger's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, whatever.

[Red Band]

Whatever it is.

[John D.]

Estonia, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Red band making his diagnosis. It's called the Spectrum now, guys. Anyway, Ari, how's life been going?

[Red Band]

Good.

[Sandy]

Yeah, good. I actually.

[Ari Maddie]

Asheville was super. It was actually a beautiful spot.

[Red Band]

I loved it. Wait, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was all one word?

[Ari Maddie]

Asheville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Asheville, North Carolina.

[Ari Maddie]

Yes, North Carolina. It was actually beautiful. Lots of hills, lots of pretty women, you know. Oh, those country girls, you know, with calluses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, what was that? Oh, you could feel it.

[Ari Maddie]

A rough hand job in Ashford.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ari Maddie]

A rough one. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I needed some relief beef, too. They have those working lady hands there, huh?

[John D.]

Yeah, the exfoliators.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Like thick necks.

[Red Band]

They do.

[Ari Maddie]

A thick neck.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

I love a.

[Ari Maddie]

They can, like, carry Me out of a fire.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's funny to think. It's funny to think that next week

[Red Band]

there's gonna be some blatantly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That girl in Asheville is going to be watching. No, I love this performance. She's just gonna be like, God damn it. My hands on my neck are insecurities to me. God, my sick neck.

[John D.]

Me off like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're going to come, boy.

[Ari Maddie]

I was like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am.

[Red Band]

It's a shame nobody's gonna see this

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

because they stopped watching after all the Nazi salutes.

[Ari Maddie]

Now we only have the cool people.

[Red Band]

It's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true.

[Red Band]

Actual comedy fans. I love it, Ari.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My God, so funny.

[Red Band]

Asheville, North Carolina, line, huh?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, she was awesome.

[Red Band]

What else you got? A real Texas shirt. Making sure you don't get Texas.

[Ari Maddie]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Making sure you don't get deported.

[Red Band]

This week.

[Ari Maddie]

I got to practice my accent, dude. Ice is out to get me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am from Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. That's what I say. Just like everyone else from Texas.

[John D.]

I don't know that he could get deported. Like, maybe to, like Dallas. Yeah, they're not really going to kick him out.

[Red Band]

I'd rather you just send me to Estonia. Anything but Dallas. It's like Asheville without the calluses.

[John D.]

Did you start off doing stand up in Estonia?

[Ari Maddie]

Because I know you went there. I was at the show. I was on the second balcony so far.

[John D.]

You were there at my show in Estonia?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, I remember. It was awesome. You did a lot of jokes. And then you left. By the way, you left boxes and boxes because my former manager, Lewis. See ya.

[John D.]

He's great.

[Ari Maddie]

Shout out, Louis.

[Sandy]

I love you.

[Ari Maddie]

He brought you out and I remember you had a lot of merch that you just left. I've never seen a performer just. You left boxes.

[Jack Shaw]

I left merch.

[Ari Maddie]

Box.

[John D.]

Don't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boxes. You actually do leave merch.

[Red Band]

I still have two bottles of Fluffy

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cholula Tapatio and I love it. And I swear to God, I even had to look on the thing cuz

[Red Band]

I swear it tastes better than actual tap.

[John D.]

No, but where do we need the mer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You left that here. You left it here at the mothership. You left some in Estonia right now.

[Ari Maddie]

So many.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the look of a man that is finding out he has left $9.5 million worth of marriage all over the world. Somebody screen grabbed that look he had

[John D.]

on his Facebook person get fired.

[Sandy]

I left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I left it here.

[Ari Maddie]

Dude, you left so many boxes of T shirts. Dude, there's. There's children in Estonia running around

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With Fluffy. T shirt, dude, there's.

[Ari Maddie]

We gave hundreds of T shirts, countries. Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know who else is running around his merch guy up on that balcony right now, like, oh, I've been living my dreams, mijo. I didn't want to carry that back to the van. You're so, so rich, dude. You don't even need it, dude.

[Red Band]

You don't even need it, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could be performing on a box in Bakersfield. You have it so good, dude. What do you need that tapatio for, dude?

[Red Band]

Look, dude, it's more expensive to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I found out it's more expensive to ship it to the next game.

[Ari Maddie]

He's gonna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're about to hear. You're about to hear the most Mexican accounting of your life, dude. I would ship it to the next city, but I'd lose my finger, dude. UPS is up. Fluffy, Please, Fluffy.

[Jack Shaw]

Please,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fluffy. I'll make it up to you. It's only $11.8 million, dude. It's all over the world. I can get it back, bro. I'll make some calls. Oh, God. It is so funny to think literally one of the top selling comedians in the world. Like, this is like a guy that, like Forbes and right? This is. This is like it. And he's finding out he has merch all over the world.

[John D.]

You understand? I'm gonna play this video in someone's review at the end of the year, right? There's somebody gonna get called into one office and I'm gonna be like, just hit play. Like, really? Estonia?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. If you go to a Gabriel Iglesia show, don't buy the merch. Just wait. The next day, near the arena back entrance.

[Tim Hanlon]

We give that shit away like we're in Africa, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely unbelievable. Make some fucking noise for Ari, Maddie. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you to Shopify and Talk Space. The drawing from Ryan J. E Belt is in and it is unbelievable. Let's see what Chris Rogers did. It was Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. I have to ask for a favor. How loud can this place get? For his first time on panel, Gabriel Iglesias, ladies and gentlemen, Motherfucking Fluffy. Check out the Legend of Fluffy now on Netflix. One of his many, many specials. Shopify Talk Space. Thank you all. Red Band. Check out the sunsetstripatx.com I love you guys. One more time for the best Zen band in the land. Matt Muhling, John Dees D man is Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, and Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez. Thank you. We love you. Watch the Legend of Fluffy if you haven't already and all of his great specials. We love you. Good night, everybody.

[John D.]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin,

[Red Band]

Texas, is now open.

[John D.]

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to [e-mail] for tickets.