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Tony Hinchcliffe
This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile Guys. Are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, Size, Style, Setting, Cut, Color, Clarity, Carat. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than bluenial.com a red band Tony I love Blue Nile. @blue nile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. You're so right, Red band. You know that since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Your surprise will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, even delivered overnight, Blue nile has a 100% satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and returns, so you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get $50 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code Tony at blue nile.com.com that's $50 off with code Tony at bluenile.com bluenile.com what's the best time of day to get a deal? All day with Jack in the box's all day big deal meal. You get to choose from four entrees.
Brian Redban
Like the supreme croissant and five tasty.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sides, plus a drink starting at $5.
Brian Redban
So hurry in or take your time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You've got all day at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile Guys. Are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, Size, Style, Setting, Cut, Color, Clarity, Carat. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than blue nile.com Redbien Tony I love Blue Nile. At bluenial.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. You're so right, Red band. You know that Blue nile has a 100% satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and return so you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get $50 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code Tony blue nile.com.com that's $50 off with code Tony at blue nile.com blue nile.com hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the death squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at d Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV for death squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever, Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Tickets are on sale for all my upcoming standup dates. Detroit, Atlantic City, Niagara Falls, Mount Pleasant, Michigan, West Valley City, AKA Salt Lake City, Utah, Reno, Nevada, Anaheim, California and Las Vegas, Nevada. Tickets for sale now for my standup comedy featuring some of your favorite characters from the show, especially me. All tickets are@tony hinchcliff.com right now. SA hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up on Tony. Let's go. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Austin, Texas. Who's with us? Make some noise, huh? Make some noise for Red Band, everybody, huh? Yes. Very exciting. Very exciting stuff. How about another hand for the best stem band in the land, everybody? That is indeed the huevos ranchero side of the room, ladies and gentlemen. That is Grooveline. Horns, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo on the horns, Big Mike Michael Gonzalez on the drums, the great Matt the Mutilator Muling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, the leader of the band, the great and powerful D Madness on bass guitar. Everybody. The whole crew is here. Very, very exciting stuff in motion. A very fun episode ahead. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Hello there. 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Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. Who's ready to start tonight's episode? Huh? Look, you guys, you guys know me. When I book this show, sometimes it's three guests deep, sometimes it's two guests, sometimes it's one guest, Sometimes it's a guest who has done the show a record setting amount of times. And every once in a while you get to be here for the very first guest appearance of a comedian. This is one of those moments you will never forget. For it is indeed this comedian's first time ever. Joining us, a guest that I have wanted since the show's inception 12 and a half years ago. I present to you one of the greatest comedians in the world. His first time in the Kill Tony universe. This is Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias. Oh, yeah, baby. Let's fucking go. Hey, hey. Gabrielle in glissance. It is Gabrielle in glissance. Yes, indeed, one and the only, the great and the powerful Gabriel Ingles. Oh, yeah, baby.
Gabriel Iglesias
That is an amazing intro. I'm so glad you have actual Mexicans playing that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We are fresh off of watching pro wrestling together.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Look at. Mexicans are even videotaping it. You know, we're, you know this whole thing's being videotaped, right? Fernando, I love it, man.
Gabriel Iglesias
You got all the Mexicans on one side and the black people and one white.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's right. You got to keep them separated.
Gabriel Iglesias
Separated.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't know if that's for Fernando or Raul that was videotaping. I get them all confused. I just know Carlos is on the sax. To be honest, I've never memorized which one was the other one. And it's gotten. I've gotten by it so far without anybody.
Gabriel Iglesias
Austin, how are you? Yeah, Tony, thank you for having me, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We are so pumped, dude. Hell yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Can you please tell everybody what you're drinking again?
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's a gay Vegas. It's a sugar free Red Bull and vodka. Wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
I go, hey, what is that? He goes, it's a gay Vegas. I go, what? I like how you described it though. I, I might order one. Who knows?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, we're gonna, we're gonna have some fun tonight. And this is your first Time. So let me tell you, 212 human beings signed up tonight. Two. One, two is the magic number. They are loaded in a bar across the street. If I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up, and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear and that rudely interrupts them. I conduct an interview with them. We find out more about them. They get to talk to my esteemed panelists, Gabriel Iglesias, get some information and some feedback and some intel on what they could be talking about. It's a live interview. Everything is improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Huh? All right, while we go wrangle our first bucket pool, let's get it started with one of our esteemed golden ticket winners. This boy is from Los Angeles, California, and he is in town, one of the most recent golden ticket winners on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, to start the show, this is a brand new minute from golden ticket winner, Jack Shaw. Oh, shit.
Brian Redban
Time for the Jewish portion of the show, guys. Lock the door, gas the room. Let's have a good time, okay?
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, man.
Brian Redban
I love being Jewish in Texas, guys. I'm exotic here, dude.
Gabriel Iglesias
I am.
Brian Redban
I've been making shit up, dude. I've been telling people we still eat babies. I'm having a good time, man. Oh, you guys didn't like that? Okay, that's fine. It's okay, man. I was an angry kid growing up. I got in some fights growing up. Like, one time at camp, this kid hit me in the head with a ping pong paddle. So I kicked him in the balls. And, like, I know that's a cheap shot, but I was such a bad counselor, okay? I'm trying to learn how to fight. I started taking a Muay Thai class, which was pretty cool. And I don't know why that's funny, you fuckers. Dude, Jesus Christ. It was pretty cool. The first day I got there, I found out that everyone gets a nickname. And this is true. My nickname was you, bitch. The Latino guys had a field day with that one, dude. No pun intended, man. But I found out. Cause it's a field. I found out that the only way to get a new nickname was to fight for it. So I stuck with the nickname. All right. Thank you guys so much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jack Shaw.
Gabriel Iglesias
Fuck you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You've been doing Muay Thai. Is that what you call it? Muay Thai?
Brian Redban
That what it is? Maybe I'm in the wrong glass, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
With cows. Mui Thai. It's moi.
Brian Redban
Oh, oh, more Thai.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Mo mo, mo mo mo.
Gabriel Iglesias
He's Jewish, man. Accent.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, it's Muay Thai, dude.
John Dees
We're having a Muay Thai.
Brian Redban
What are we having for dinner tonight? Muay Thai. Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. Jack is a wild boy. High energy. Do you take anything? Are you on Ritalin or something?
Brian Redban
Dude, I'm on Prozac.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really? Yeah. So you're. And I hug everyone.
Brian Redban
Dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is. You kind of calmed down then, I guess.
Brian Redban
No, Prozac didn't really, like, calm you down. It actually kind of gave me the confidence to do comedy. Really?
Gabriel Iglesias
Wow.
Brian Redban
Like, I was super nervous and afraid of everything, and then I got on that. It was super helpful, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Amazing.
Brian Redban
Yeah, that's not funny, but it's a good thing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, no, it's fine. How long have you been on Prozac?
Brian Redban
About. About since I started. Four years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Yeah. So you started Prozac and immediately you started stand up comedy? Yeah. Look at that. That's like a Pfizer ad, right? Happening. How much did they pay you for that?
Brian Redban
Anything I could get, dude. I'll take any money. Okay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. Anthony Fauciberg over here. Yeah. Incredible. What were you super afraid of? What were some of the things that you were most afraid of in. In the world? You seem like you're still afraid of.
Brian Redban
A lot of stuff, the outside in general. Dude, I didn't like going out there. I was. I was. I was depressed, man. I. I just. I just didn't like myself. And, you know, it was. It made me feel okay to look in the mirror.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jesus Christ, bro.
Gabriel Iglesias
Seriously, what the tell? How about, hey, how's your day, man?
Tony Hinchcliffe
What?
Gabriel Iglesias
Make a comic. Hey, hug me, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, look at that. Oh, yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dude, I'm not that. Dude.
Gabriel Iglesias
I take Prozac too, man, but, you know, hey, don't ask me no questions about that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You went from Muay Thai to mooie Mexican over here. Jack. How's life been? You've been here in Austin during all the fires. You're based out of la?
Brian Redban
Yep, yep, I've been out here, dude. Life's been good. I got a dog back home and.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is it a little scared? Jewish dog? It's a little.
Brian Redban
Yeah. He's trying to think of a pun. Couldn't think of one. Okay. He's a husky and a dachshund mix. So he's like a. He's like an angry.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah. You're trying to figure out how they lined him up, huh?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Brian Redban
I didn't do it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I didn't make it happen. That poor little Datsun.
Brian Redban
You better fuck this husky dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, get in there.
Brian Redban
No, I do. He's staying with my parents right now. And my dad keeps threatening. My dad hates him a lot. And he keeps threatening to put lighter fluid on him and send him to the Palisades.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Brian Redban
I'm not.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's just.
Gabriel Iglesias
All right, go ahead, ask him more questions. Yeah, ask him more questions. He was doing. You were doing good, bro. You should have quit while you were ahead.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is incredible. Your dad is wild. What does your dad do for work?
Brian Redban
He was a comedy writer for his career.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. What did he work on?
Brian Redban
He worked on a lot of game shows. He worked on the Hollywood Squares for a while. He worked on some sitcoms. He worked on the Nanny, if you remember that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Of course. Fran. Wow. Some Fran Drescher fans out there. Absolutely incredible. Wow. So he's retired now?
Brian Redban
He's retired by force. He can't find any work.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Brian Redban
Yeah, it's super cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm sorry. Is he jealous of you? Did he ever do stand up comedy?
Brian Redban
He did, dude, and he's really proud. He's really proud, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's proud.
Brian Redban
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Would we recognize him if we saw him on anything?
Brian Redban
No, absolutely not.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Why do you think his standup career never. Cause he had you.
Brian Redban
Oh, 100%. Yeah. No, I ruined his life.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Do you have siblings?
Brian Redban
Yeah, I have a brother. He's 10 years older than me. He's from my dad's first failed marriage on his second with my mom.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Wow. Damn.
Matt Muling
Sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What happened? Why do you think he went to. Is he still with your mom? Yeah. Okay, so that stuck.
Brian Redban
They do not love each other. No, that's not totally true, but I hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I bet.
Brian Redban
You're such a fucking bitch, Sherry. You're such a.
Carlos Sosa
Don't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Shut up.
Brian Redban
I don't want to hear Jack call you a fucking bitch, dude. I don't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. And they're both very Jewish as well.
Brian Redban
Extremely Jewish.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What do you think? Before I let you go, what do you think's the most Jewish thing about your parents? What is it that really stands out to you? To where you're like Jesus. You too.
Brian Redban
Well, really the most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right.
Brian Redban
Really is. It's a very Jewish thing to hate Judaism.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. I think I'm Jewish. Now that you mention. This is how I find out that I was Jewish all along, Jack. Way to get it started. You are.
Gabriel Iglesias
Good job, man.
Brian Redban
Thank you, guys.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There he goes. Time to get to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen. This guy's been on this show before. It's been a long time since we've seen him. Oh, I know what that noise means. The lovely Heidi is here. Everyone make some noise for Heidi. Live in the flash. I always love seeing the tourists faces when they actually get to see Heidi and they're. Yep. Wow. Yeah, don't see those. Hell yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, everyone, Mexican side of the band. Salo. Salo, cabarros. Tequila it is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first bucket pool of the night. It is the return of Tim Hanlon, everyone. It's been a while. Here's Tim Hanlon.
Matt Muling
All right, what's going on, y'all? I. I just learned something for the first time. I probably should have known this. Maybe you guys know. Did you know that Muslims are sober? They don't drink at all. None of them.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That freaked me out.
Matt Muling
Like, even, like, Muslim terrorists are stone sober. They're just drinking shots of milk, talking about death to America, like, Jesus. That's scarier than thinking if they were smashed. I don't know, man. Maybe they could use a glass of wine, you know, calm the nerves a.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Little bit, you know?
Matt Muling
I got to talk for 60 seconds. I had two whiskeys back there, but if I had to do what they.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Had to do, if I had to.
Matt Muling
Strap on a suicide vest, I'd start drinking the night before.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'd be hammered.
Matt Muling
I'd show up drunk. They'd be like, Tim, it's 8:00 in the morning. I'd be like, well, it's 9, 11 somewhere. All right, thanks, guys.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, Tim Hanlon. It's nice to get to meet Jack Shaw's comedy retired father. Okay, I've been around. You do look like a guy that used to write comedy for game shows here.
Matt Muling
I know his mom.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Here you are, Tim. Welcome back. It's been a while since we've seen you. Yes, indeed. Muslims don't.
Matt Muling
It's okay.
Gabriel Iglesias
Hey, I'm not Muslim.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah. Thank God for that. Thank God. Oh, damn. Jesus Christ.
Gabriel Iglesias
But I am Mexican. Heidi.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, Tim, how long you been doing stand up?
Matt Muling
I started in 2010.
Tony Hinchcliffe
2010? 12 years?
Matt Muling
Something like that. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't think you know what year it is. That would be. I haven't known what year it is in a minute, bro. 15 years.
Matt Muling
Yeah, I kind of.
Carlos Sosa
I don't own the clock.
Matt Muling
I don't yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Matt Muling
I just float around.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You own a clock?
Matt Muling
I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right. How about calendar? That clock doesn't really.
Matt Muling
It's 2010.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. All right. What do you. What do you. What is your living situation like, Tim?
Matt Muling
It's better than most people would assume, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I gotta.
Matt Muling
I got a nice house. I. I do have two roommates. I got a couple. Oh, a comic and his girl.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Matt Muling
But I got a nice house down in South Austin.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Nice. Yeah. You love it? It's great.
Matt Muling
Yeah, it's awesome.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you have a lot.
Matt Muling
Don't lock my doors.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A lot of clothes in your closet. You have a lot of choices or is like, that it? Here's the thing. Yeah.
Matt Muling
I, I. Yeah, I used to have more.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I give all.
Matt Muling
Every time I move, I just give clothes away. So there's some fly looking bums in LA right now. Like, I left LA and gave all my clothes away and this is what I kept. Yeah, this is my.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I. You don't like Johnny Cash, bro. Okay, I see Johnny Cash.
Matt Muling
I look all right. All right.
Gabriel Iglesias
No, you look all right, bro. I'd say more, but I'm wearing Jordans.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you're wearing shorts.
Gabriel Iglesias
I have no. I have no.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah. It is incredible.
Matt Muling
I don't have my Hawaiian shirt on tonight. I'm sorry, bro.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, it. It works.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tell us what's been happening. They do match. A wise observation from John D. It is indeed brown. Yeah. Oh, my God. You are wearing camo pants. What an embarrassing moment for you.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right? We're just lighting up Tim Hanlon. John's like, oh, it.
Gabriel Iglesias
But he has a keyboard to cover up his. Bad choice.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. I can't believe you guys both went with sorry luck tonight. So, Tim, tell us about your process or your career lately. What's been going on in comedy? Started 15 years ago. Yeah. Came out guns ablaze. It's a good premise that Muslims don't drink. I feel like there was a little bit more there. You could have. I was waiting.
Matt Muling
Yeah, there's more.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know, typical Muslim jokes. I'm waiting for a big boom at the end. Never came. Really?
Matt Muling
I don't even know Muslims. I don't know if that's true or not. Is that true?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Some guy that looked like him told me that.
Matt Muling
So I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Drink. I'm friends with Asanamad. He doesn't drink on. What's the name of their wacky holiday? Ramadan. I'm probably gonna get killed for calling it a wacky holiday. There Is a. There's a thing on my life. What do they call that? A ji. A jihad. Yeah, but, yeah, no, they drank. We went on a fucking bar crawl to celebrate Ari Shafir's special release a couple weeks ago, and I promise you, Asana Mod got fucked up. We all thought it would be a good idea. The six of us. There was a ton of us fucking comedians. Ari Derosa fucking all of us, and we all thought it would be a good idea. Ari wanted to do a shot and a drink at a bunch of bars on the east side of True Crawl, which I've never really done before, and we fucking did it. And by bar seven, we thought it would be a good idea to all slam into the. The photo booth at once. One of those.
Matt Muling
Oh, I know the photo booth.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And all we got was a bunch of pictures of Hasan's head. So there's. There is proof of Muslim strength.
Gabriel Iglesias
All right, Tim, what made you want to go in that direction out the gate? Like, you know, that's a. That's a. Like a tough area to go into.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That joke for right now.
Gabriel Iglesias
Well, you know, you only get a minute, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, exactly.
Matt Muling
I do longer sets and Stu, so most of my stuff is a little bit more developed, and I figured that's got like a short.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's a newer joke, two months old. Okay.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, okay.
Matt Muling
But it's short. It's not like a story. I got to come up here.
Gabriel Iglesias
Of course.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did I make that? Did I make the. Is.
Gabriel Iglesias
Is a. It's a tough topic to go into.
Matt Muling
Yeah, I mean, I. I stopped being scared of jokes a long time ago.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm not scared of jokes, but I'm scared of Muslims. You know, I ain't here to offend. The views of Tim are not those of Gabriel.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yes.
Gabriel Iglesias
I got you cover. Or Tony. Protect everybody.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. I don't know. I thought.
Matt Muling
I thought it was a fun.
Gabriel Iglesias
I mean, it's pretty gangster. You went for it. I. I give you credit on that guy. Yeah.
Matt Muling
Really?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, That's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's.
Gabriel Iglesias
You probably went after the heart. I mean, what. Think of another topic that would have been harder for him to go than Muslims.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Abortion.
Matt Muling
Blow up abortions in Texas.
Gabriel Iglesias
You're probably right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Plaque abortions. Jesus red band.
Matt Muling
The hardest thing I had talked ever talking about, especially, like, gun control. That's the worst thing. Don't. Don't say about guns. Yeah, that's the one thing. That's why I won't. I won't say about guns.
Gabriel Iglesias
I learned that I love that it respects guns more than Muslims. Like, dude, man. Tim. I'm not Tim. We gotta talk after, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm not much.
Gabriel Iglesias
You might need full camo after this show.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm shifty, bro. Tim, you've been on this show multiple times.
Matt Muling
No, I was on only in the. In LA. At the. @ the Belly Room. Yeah. Or the main room.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Only once.
Matt Muling
Yep. That's the only time ever.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really?
Matt Muling
I sign up everywhere. Yeah, I used to sign up every night for like years, and I finally got on and since you came out here, I haven't really signed up too much, but thanks so much for. For the opportunity, man. This fantastic.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. Absolutely. Tim Hanlon is somehow only a second appearance ever. I could swear you've been on more than that. Here's a medium sized joke book. It'll match your. It'll match your get up. Thank you, brother. Make some noise for Tim Hanlon, everybody. There he goes. Little Elon Musk. Send off there after a. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. All right, there he goes. Good day. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Guys, I'm a boss and hiring is important to me. According to research, a major challenge that many employers face is the pressure to hire quickly. And it's a tough hurdle to overcome because it's so time consuming to search for great candidates and sort through applications. Well, if you're an employer who can relate, I have one question for you. Have you tried ZipRecruiter? ZipRecruiter has figured out how to solve this very problem. In fact, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony Redban Tony, ZipRecruiter, one of our oldest sponsors. We love ZipRecruiter. They're the best hiring site out there. Did you know ziprecruiter is the hiring site employers prefer the Most based on G2? How fast the ZipRecruiter smart technology starts showing your job to qualified candidates immediately. That is nuts. Red Band. And I love nuts. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology works fast to find top talent so you don't waste time or money. See a candidate who'd be perfect for your job. You can use ZipRecruiter's pre written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates. So relax employers and let ZipRecruiter speed up your hiring. See for yourself. Just go to ziprecruiter.com kill Tony right now to try it for free. That's the same price as a genuine smile from a stranger, a picture perfect sunset, or a cute dog running up to you and licking your hand. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire this podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Guys, are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, size, style, setting, Cut, color, Clarity. Carrot. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than blue nile.com Redbien Tony I love Blue Nile. At blue nile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. You're so right, Red Band. You know that since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Your surprise will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, even delivered overnight, Blue nile has a 100% satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and return, so you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get 50 off your first purchase of 500 or more with code Tony at bluenile.com.com. that's $50 off with code Tony at blue nile.com blue nile.com all right, your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. Looks like a brand new name. Make some noise for Jusu Vest. Perhaps it's some rough handwriting. Jusu Vest or Vast Juicy Nusu. There he is. Wow, look at this.
Gabriel Iglesias
Jason Vast.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jason Vast, everybody.
John Dees
Thank you. Thank you.
Gabriel Iglesias
Stay away from Muslim topics.
John Dees
Got it. I'm 40. Oh, sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, I'm sorry. We'll reset it one more time. The clock. Here he is. Make some noise for Jason vest, everybody.
John Dees
I'm 46 years old and I'm six years overdue for getting my prostate checked. I hate doctors and I'm terrified to get the Procedure done. Because I haven't had a man put a finger up my butt since I was a Cub Scout. For those of you that cringe, do not cringe. I was a loose boy. I was a loose boy. I was a slutty kid, and I fucked my way to the top of the Eagle Scout. I jerked off a Scout leader with a Nintendo Power Glove in the back of a 1986 Ford Escort. And that's how I became the youngest Eagle Scout in history. Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. I'm a veteran. I'm a veteran, and I go to the VA medical system for my healthcare, and it's shitty. I get four Viagra tablets monthly.
Carlos Sosa
4.
John Dees
I spent 20 years in the military and one year in Iraq, and that only equates to four hard ons a month. That's why I voted Republican, because Donald Trump said he was going to get us 10. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, Jason Vest. Okay. All right, let's go. This is your first time on the show, correct? Correct.
John Dees
Second time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, there you go. I got it, everybody. Everything's backwards here tonight. Dude.
Gabriel Iglesias
The visual I got from the Power Glove in the back of an Escort, I'm like, oh, my God.
John Dees
You felt that, dude.
Gabriel Iglesias
The Escort, the one that had the power seat belts, the automatic ones. Yeah. Oh, God.
John Dees
You know how.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long ago was your last appearance on the show?
John Dees
Almost a year ago, Tony. I was on in February last year.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did I tell you on that episode that you look like the guy from Ghostbusters 2 that makes Vigo the Barbarian come to life out of the.
Gabriel Iglesias
It is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's an amazing impression.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, I've seen Ghostbusters to a lot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You have that, though. You have those energies.
John Dees
Thank you. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. That's exactly what he would say if he was here right now. That's how he would say it. Absolutely incredible. How long you been doing stand up, Jason?
John Dees
Four and a half years, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where at?
John Dees
I started in Detroit, and then I moved to Chicago, and then I moved here a year ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Detroit and Chicago. I cannot picture you fitting into either one of those cities at all.
John Dees
I haven't performed for so many white people in my life. I'm not used to it.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm uncomfortable.
John Dees
Tony Ham.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. Incredible. Yeah. I mean, you're used to performing in the back of Ford Escorts. Incredible. What do you do for a living? How do you make money, Jason?
John Dees
I'm retired from the military, and I live on my VA disability and my pension, and I make content.
Carlos Sosa
And.
John Dees
And I'm on the Loveline radio show. On kroc.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Nice. What, what branch of the military were you in? Navy.
John Dees
No, I retired. I was a National Guard recruiter.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. National Guard recruiter. Did you recruit anybody? Like, you seem like you would be the worst with a power glove.
Gabriel Iglesias
They got him in there.
John Dees
I hold the state record for the Michigan National Guard for the most enlistments in one month.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My God.
Gabriel Iglesias
Because. Power glove, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible.
John Dees
I lied to kids a lot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, I bet. All right. Your body count must be incredible.
Gabriel Iglesias
Insane. I've actually seen his content online.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah. Jason, you're very funny.
John Dees
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Gabriel Iglesias
Your reviews of. He does these, these insane reviews of massage parlors.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that true?
John Dees
It's part of the culture, brother.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey, man. Wow. I've never seen a standing ovation from Red. Okay. Jesus Christ.
Gabriel Iglesias
Hey, I'm the one that mentioned it. Why don't you give me fist bump, man? Oh, give me the Power Glove hand. Give me the Power Glove.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you guys have DNA all over you now.
Gabriel Iglesias
No, he actually puts out some really funny content that I've seen online every now. And that's why as soon as you walk it on, like, I recognize you from somewhere. And then I heard your voice, I'm like, that's right. That's right.
John Dees
You can't call your.
Gabriel Iglesias
It's hysterical, man. I, I, I enjoy it. I've showed your videos to, to many people.
John Dees
Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. How long have you lived in Austin now?
John Dees
About a year.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tony, do you love it?
John Dees
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas?
John Dees
I write a lot of content and, and that's pretty much it. Like, I write a lot of content. I hang out at home, and I review celebrity feet. Like I got a foot fetish. And I review celebrity feet for Kock. That's what I do on the Loveline radio show. I suck the out some toes, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, has the chance of a lifetime, everybody. Oh, my God, bro.
John Dees
You need to get a goddamn pet again, brother.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn.
John Dees
Bottoms of your feet are crusty as, dude.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They just look lovely to me.
Gabriel Iglesias
Let me tell you something. You're talking right now, but I promise you my feet are softer than most people's touch.
John Dees
God damn.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's what the I'm talking about.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow, look at that.
Gabriel Iglesias
Now I need help putting on the sock. Yeah, you know what's up, dude?
Tony Hinchcliffe
While all of that was happening, this guy's so gay that he made another man faint in the front row.
Gabriel Iglesias
By the way, the sock, it came off, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It may have been.
Gabriel Iglesias
I Said they're soft. I didn't say what they smell like. It's our first casualty here today.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We're gonna see how many audience members can die for your review. Feet.
John Dees
I do a review, you know. You know who's got up feet?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Who? Oprah.
John Dees
Oh, bunions.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh.
John Dees
Her big toe look like a turkey leg from a goddamn Renaissance fair.
Gabriel Iglesias
Nasty.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My goodness. That is incredible.
Gabriel Iglesias
Can I ask for the honest review, though? Well, it was. I know the guy passed out, but that's Besides the point.
John Dees
7.5.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you. Wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's right. I get a lot of petties.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm diabetic. I got to take care of my feet.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love that. That. I love that. Absolutely incredible. What else would we be surprised to know about you, Jason? You seem like a wild, eclectic character. Like, there's so many things. I bet you. I bet you, like, collect things. You have, like, a bunch of stuff on your walls at home. Well, Tony, I'm glad you asked. I could just see the.
John Dees
I got a sock collection.
Matt Muling
All right.
John Dees
It is what it is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really?
John Dees
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where do you get these socks from?
John Dees
Only fans. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Matt Muling
Holy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
Gotcha, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yep.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely incredible.
John Dees
I'm a freak.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Four more people just fainted in the audience. For those of you keeping track, Jason, I gotta ask you, because we're finding out so much so fast. Indeed, you are a freak. What do you think if we had to go down? Perhaps the top three freakiest things you've ever done in your entire life. People love this interview portion.
Fernando Castillo
You know one of them?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. When people hear this show, they love when people tell the truth in the interviews and find out real shit. I feel like a. You just put the sock in your mouth and shook your head. I feel like you're willing to really go for it here. Now I present to you the top three freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done in his life. Number three.
John Dees
I got my butthole fingered in a Waffle House bathroom by a big woman I met on plenty of fish.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. So much, much to put together there. Waffle House, plenty of fish. Butthole finger, absolutely incredible. Inserted, double dirted, triple skirted, smothered, covered a Waffle House bathroom. Wow.
John Dees
Picune, Mississippi. Picayune, Mississippi.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. Remind me to never go to Picu, Mississippi. All right, here we go. Number two freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done.
John Dees
I paid a South Korean woman to shit on my chest at the Oriental Health and Massage in Jackson, Michigan. And later. Well, I'm not done yet.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jesus. Done yet. Leave some time for the crowd to go wild. Jason. Leave some space. These get these laughs. You deserve it. Okay, now wait.
John Dees
And later I found out it was a 47 year old Filipino man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How did I know that this segment was going to work? This is incredible. This guy, like had this ready. You would have thought we prepared this like. Okay, I'm gonna ask you the three freakiest things you've ever. This segment is unbelievable.
Gabriel Iglesias
I gotta hear number.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Right. Hold those horses. I know he's already knocked one of your socks off. Hold on.
Gabriel Iglesias
I think the sock in the mouth is like somewhere like 93.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I have.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah.
Carlos Sosa
Honestly, after on the chest, I only.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Have four questions about number two. So you thought it was a Korean.
John Dees
Woman and later ended up being a 47 year old Filipino man? I ran into him at Walmart.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So was that a. Wait, hold on. You didn't find out that night that it was a Korean woman?
John Dees
No, he ran into me at Walmart and he's like, bro, you don't remember me? And I'm like, no.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What? What? This is too abs.
Gabriel Iglesias
How did you know the age? Like, were you guys buying the same medication or something at CVS or what? How did you know the age?
John Dees
What?
Gabriel Iglesias
You said 47.
John Dees
I could just tell by how he looked. He had the little wrinkles around the eyes. He was older than me. I was 25 at the time.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. And you were.
John Dees
You look like an older Manny Pacquiao.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My goodness. Okay, so. But what type of was it? And this is what you were into at the time. Had you had that done before?
John Dees
Once before.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Once before. It was 25. Oh. It's definitely not. Nothing is your first rodeo. I feel like there's nothing that you haven't done. There's no doubt about it. You probably have aids.
Gabriel Iglesias
And he probably paid for it. Yeah, it's like, I gotta hear what number one is. I gotta hear what number one real quick.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Real quick. I know. I. I want to know number one, too. You have a question? Oh, Matt Muling only talks once every six and a half episodes. This should be exciting. Matt Muelling.
Ari Mannis
I just.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you not see the dude's junk.
Brian Redban
When he was dumping on your chest?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fucking unbelievably great question. I have no idea how I missed that. Unbelievably great question. Yeah. Are you. Were you just imagining it? Not there.
John Dees
Let's just say this. I'm seven years sober now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ah. Okay. Do you remember. Do you remember how this came out. Was it solid? Loggy, wet runny?
John Dees
I thought it was South Korean soft serve at the time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. But it turns out it was. What? Filipino pudding. Okay, red band. There's your fart sound effect for the episode. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the number one freakiest thing that Jason Best has ever done.
John Dees
I unintentionally gave a Mexican gentleman a foot job to completion on a Greyhound bus en route to Biloxi, Mississippi.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm not gonna lie. I thought that was the beginning of my story. And I'm like, no, that's another Mexican he got.
Matt Muling
Wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How.
Gabriel Iglesias
Hey, so your review of my feet was real. That's all I want to know. That's all I care about.
John Dees
It's like 7.5.
Gabriel Iglesias
Thank you, bro. Thank you. Let's just take your wins when you can get them, people.
Tony Hinchcliffe
One second here. You said that you gave a. I.
Gabriel Iglesias
Love you have more.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, it's incredible. The wheels are turning right now. How. What makes it an unintentional foot job. And when you say foot job, that means you jerked him off with your feet and it was unintentional how. Yeah. This is very suspicious coming from you. You seem like a guy that would have a very intentional foot job if you wanted to give 14 loco the.
John Dees
Before 2010 formula back when that would you up the OG's know. He knows.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So how. What were. What was the angle of attack on this situation? You're sitting next to the guy. He's a.
John Dees
He's a rope across the little way thing. And I just reached my foot across and that looked at me dead in my eyes and saying, bon Jovi, he's bed of roses in broken English before he. He cummed on my face.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How did he come on your face?
John Dees
I was like, it blasted me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't even know where to begin.
Carlos Sosa
It's like Mad Lips.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't even know where to begin. But I'm telling you this, you're getting a big joke book, that's for sure. Yeah. Thank you. I don't know what body part you're going to shove this up, but I have a pretty decent idea. I always throw it. Look, there he goes. The rare. The rare catch from Jason Vest, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Welcome to kill Tony Gabriel Iglesias. This is all real. I. That. I mean, what can I even say?
Gabriel Iglesias
I. I know that everything he was saying was real. It's not like, stuff that, you know, he's not up here just trying to get. Get any, like, cloud or nothing. You know what I'M saying, like, definitely not. No. Yeah, that Watch his con. His stuff is funny, but he never talked about stuff like that. Yeah, because I vouched for him at first and then I'm like, oh, God, he's getting on. No, literally. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's incredible. Incredible. The characters we find here on this show. Wow. And it could happen again. Right now. A one word name is your name Next. Bucketful. Make some noise for Trev, everybody. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Trev.
Matt Muling
Oh, what's up, Austin?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh.
Matt Muling
Oh, no. I'm already cut off. All right. Man. I lost my virginity to a deaf girl and it caused this really weird fetish for me. I don't like deaf chicks, but I am a sucker for that accent. It's okay. They can't hear us. I have this really scientific job. I run these experiments. Recently, I experimented with cocaine. I just. I took a really small amount of it and turned it into a habit. And, you know, I also had this gig as a porn star for a while. I did these courtroom themed porno adult films. My stage name was pro bono attorney at raw. I was just going around introducing bitches to the penal system, you know, pounding that gavel. All right, cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, Trev. Hell yeah. Started strong, kind of. You lost me there at the end. You said you were doing porn.
Matt Muling
Yeah, yeah, just regular porno.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where were you doing that at?
Matt Muling
Well, I mean, that was a lie. As a joke.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Okay. Would. Is the cocaine thing true?
Gabriel Iglesias
You probably.
Tony Hinchcliffe
About what's that?
Gabriel Iglesias
I said he probably has a job where he can't be honest about the cocaine things.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He doesn't look like he has a job he could lose. He looks like he would get hired if they find out.
Ari Mannis
All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's willing to work overtime. This guy might get a raise if he does cocaine. What do you do for a living?
Matt Muling
I work in high tech security.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow. Okay.
Gabriel Iglesias
While you're protecting something.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Look at that. That's incredible. So, okay. How long you been doing stand up?
Matt Muling
I started in 2018, but I've only, you know, I didn't get serious until like 20, 21.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What made you get serious then?
Matt Muling
I had kids. I couldn't act anymore. I didn't have the time for that and I wanted to.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Kids. They passed away?
Carlos Sosa
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How many kids do you have?
Matt Muling
2.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where are they at now?
Matt Muling
San Antonio.
Tony Hinchcliffe
San Antonio. With the baby mama?
Matt Muling
Yep.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. And you guys are separated?
Matt Muling
Yep.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long did that last?
Matt Muling
11 years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You were with her for 11 years? How old are the kids?
Matt Muling
11 and 15.
Tony Hinchcliffe
11 and 15. Okay, so you were there for a while.
Matt Muling
Oh, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right.
Gabriel Iglesias
Is she the deaf one?
Matt Muling
She wishes.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, sorry, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why did end. What made the relationship end?
Matt Muling
Oh, man, that's complicated.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, you're on a.
Gabriel Iglesias
You're a dude, we're guys. What's up?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, come on.
Gabriel Iglesias
You make it complicated if you're talking to her.
Matt Muling
Yeah, I don't know, we just, you know, it. We got older, we got together, you know, early 20s, and then got older and realized, you know, fuck each other.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fuck each other. Okey dokey. Where are you originally from?
Matt Muling
I was born in Oklahoma, grew up in Colorado.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, all right. And what do you do for fun?
Matt Muling
For fun? Comedy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What else? Other than comedy?
Matt Muling
Pretty much the only other thing I ever do is just. So I like to ride my one wheel. I go out, you know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, now we figured it out, all right? We just found out who could be the gayest person that's been on the show so far here today. Somehow you just destroyed Jason Vest as the gay comedian. I go out on my one wheel. Is that a cool name for a unicycle? You know, I go out on my one wheeler. You have a unicycle?
Matt Muling
No, it's like an electric skateboard. You know, one will come on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, I, I, I don't. It looks weird. Like that has a wheel and it has a bunch of light lights around it. I get it now. I get it now. So it's a fancy unicycle. Instead of pedaling, you have a remote control or something?
Matt Muling
No, just lean forward.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. That seems like it's the one that.
Gabriel Iglesias
They show those pit bulls on, riding on the beach, right? Yeah. Okay, I know which one he's talking about.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. How do you get into it?
Gabriel Iglesias
I do not get on those.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You can get on a normal skateboard. It'll end up with, it'll end up with one wheel. You make one wheeler. Is that a normal, Normal skateboards. How do you end up getting into one Wheeling? Trev, you had a friend that was.
Matt Muling
Doing it skateboarded, you know, as a teen and early twenties and then got, you know, dad bought, couldn't skateboard anymore.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, what's your favorite thing to do with your kids? You got an 11 year old and a 15 year old. What are they into? What do you, how do you, how do you maintain being a cool dad? You live here in Austin and they're in San Antonio.
Matt Muling
I live in San Antonio.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, so you see them a lot?
Matt Muling
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like a lot a lot. Like every Day? Yeah.
Matt Muling
Every week. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. How do you. How do you entertain them? What makes you a cool dad?
Matt Muling
We do video games a lot. I mean, that's their main thing. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. All right. What do you think's the most interesting thing about you? Maybe it's just cuz you're going up after Jason Vest, who is one of the freakiest we've ever had in the show's history. But I got to tell you, this interview is unbelievably boring compared to. Well, I like comedy for hobby and I raised my kids. We play video games. Come on. You're right. He had his chest on by not a woman. A Filipino man, 47. He found out at a Walmart finger up his butt at a Waffle House.
Matt Muling
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Pikachu, Mississippi. Accidental foot job. Greyhound bus. You got anything like this up your sleeve?
Matt Muling
Oh, man. I mean, I hooked up on a Greyhound one time. Time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Yeah, it's just a woman.
Matt Muling
Yeah, just a reg.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jesus. Live your life, buddy. My God. Let me ask you this. You've been separated from the baby mama for how long?
Matt Muling
Five years? Six years?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Five years. You've been out dating? A little bit.
Matt Muling
Oh, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. How do you do that? Do you just meet people? Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?
Matt Muling
I did abs for a while and then. And just kind of nothing was happening.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Loud on the one Wheeler. Look at women in the eyes and.
Matt Muling
Just be like, whatever I can catch along the way. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wanna hop on, like whether your favorite hookup that you've had recently? How did that happen?
Matt Muling
Oh, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Take us through the evening. I'm gonna try to make you interesting here.
Matt Muling
Travel.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is a lot of heavy lifting.
Gabriel Iglesias
I have another sock. That's how that last thing started. Jason was pretty normal until I freaking showed up with my freaking size 11 and a half. I was buying you some time, bro.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, exactly.
Matt Muling
The most recent was Laredo. I did comedy down there and. And actually kill. Did you know? Pretty good job. Pretty good five minute set.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah.
Matt Muling
And when I got off stage, the host was like, somebody suck his dick tonight night.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Matt Muling
So. And I was there for work with a hotel, so, you know, it worked out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my goodness. Wow. And Jason Vest was on the show and looks like my work's just getting started. No, it was a crazy I'll suck your dick if you on my chest. Even tradesies.
Matt Muling
It was a Korean woman, I swear.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ah. That's what he thought, too.
Gabriel Iglesias
Wait till you get to Walmart, bro. You're running to him then.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jason, I liked your set. Here's a big joke book. Fun times. Congratulations. Thank you. Don't or I mean Trav. I just called him Jason. There goes Trev everybody. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. Guys, there's never been a better time to start your own business. There's so much power to starting a new company in the new year. Shopify is how you're going to make it happen. Happen and let Red Band tell you how. Tony the best time to start your new business is right now. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running with easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skills required. All you need to do is drag and drop. Yes, that's right. They're powerful social media tools let you you connect all your channels and create shoppable posts and help you sell everywhere people scroll. Shopify makes it easy to manage your growing business. They help with the details like shipping taxes and payments from one single dashboard, allowing you to focus on the important stuff like growing your business. What happens if you don't act now? Will you regret it? What if someone beats you to the idea? Don't kick yourself when you hear this again in a year because you didn't do anything. Now with Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. Think established in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/tony all lowercase go to shopify.com/tony all one word lowercase to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com/tony this podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Guys, are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, Size, Style, Setting, Cut, Color, Clarity Carrot if you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than bluenial.com Redbin Tony I love Blue Nile. At bluenial.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine after a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. You're so right, Red Band. You know that since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Your surprise will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what what's inside. In most cases, even delivered overnight. Blue nile has a 100 satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and returns so you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get 50 off your first purchase of 500 or more with code Tony at bluenile.com.com. that's 50 off with code Tony at blue nile.com blue nile. All right, we're gonna sage this room with the class act, one of our regulars, one of the best to ever be a regular on this show. Very, very hard job, writing and performing a new minute every week on this show, ladies and gentlemen, here he is. To do it again. This is a brand new minute from the one and only, the great and powerful Cam Patterson.
Fernando Castillo
I don't even wanna touch this microphone, nigga.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We.
Gabriel Iglesias
We should.
Fernando Castillo
We should just stop the show at Jason. There's no. It's not gonna get no better than that, nigga. Dawg, I was. I was. It made me angry how he started with, what's number three? I had a finger in my asshole.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We should.
Fernando Castillo
He has to die. I think people like that should be murdered and put on a list somewhere. Dawg. He scares me with my whole heart. There's no top in that n.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I.
Fernando Castillo
Know I got a lot of shit about crackheads. All my dudes are mainly about crackheads. And it's funny to me. Cause I was thinking about it the other day when I was real high, and I was just like, man, it's fucked up. Cause most of y'all deal with crackheads and y'all see em, like on the street. Y'all just walk by like they not real people. But I had crackheads in my family, so crackheads had my phone number. You understand? That's a different type of relationship with a crackhead. Like, y'all be like, I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You leave me alone, nigga.
Fernando Castillo
My like, what's up? I know you got cash app. I need $5. I wanna buy crack today.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's insane. That's it.
Fernando Castillo
There I go. Well, get up outta here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Got it. Did it again, buddy. You did it again. Another minute.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, to see that in person, man, that's freaking awesome. I've seen your clips before. You're Very funny. But to just watch you come out and just. That's off the cuff. That was awesome.
Fernando Castillo
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thanks.
Gabriel Iglesias
The funniest thing I've seen all night.
Fernando Castillo
Thank God. Thank you so much.
Gabriel Iglesias
Funniest thing I've seen.
Tony Hinchcliffe
To be able to take that energy, make the callbacks to everything, acknowledge the room your way, and then segue right into material, you see. You were around a lot of crackheads, huh?
Fernando Castillo
Yeah, a lot. Like, a lot, Bill. You know, it's funny.
Brian Redban
My.
Fernando Castillo
My uncle, he just passed away. He was a crackhead. He passed away.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that the one that I met in Atlanta? Yes. Oh, yeah.
Fernando Castillo
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You met.
Fernando Castillo
You know this.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We had a lot of fun. I actually love that guy. I was. That was actually a taping I did that night. And in the green room, Cam decided to bring about, I don't know, about 43, 44 family members, odds are. And somehow the one that I bonded with the most out of this unbelievably high amount of people was your crackhead uncle. Yeah. He was so fun.
Fernando Castillo
He loves you, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He loved me. He loved. It was funny. You remember no longer with us. What? What I said.
Fernando Castillo
I said loved. I said love.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You said, you said, he loves you. He do love you.
Gabriel Iglesias
He's still here somewhere.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He's still there. Yeah, he's still. He's. He's looking up at us right now. Oh, he look. What? No.
Fernando Castillo
He looking down like this. Life is good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The good. The good crack is in hell, buddy. The good crack is in hell.
Fernando Castillo
I don't know.
Rob Edwards
Maybe not.
Fernando Castillo
We have the good crack in heaven.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Who knows? I. I think. I think heaven's more of like a heroin place. It's just more relaxed. I picture crack D. Madness is reacting to this. He's a real musician who's probably done heroin and crack today. Probably when he just went back backstage. Real musician can with anybody.
Gabriel Iglesias
What would be a crackhead? Heaven Crackhead. Oh, unlock liquor store at night.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah.
Fernando Castillo
Just a bunch of unlocked cars and like that. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Just a bunch of unlocked everything. Yeah, Just go in anywhere. It's like a video game, like Sim City or something.
Fernando Castillo
He was the funniest nigga, like, ever, dog. I remember I was. When I first started on stand up, he came back on stand up with my dad and shit. And I told him, I said, you wanna come downtown with me? And, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, just watch some shows. He said, where your shows at again? I said, they down, Tyson. I can't do that. Nigga, if I go with you downtown, you gonna be doing your little funny shit, and you gonna look back. Okay, I'm smoking crack somewhere, so I really can't go with you. But I loved him. He was great. That wasn't as funny as I thought it was gonna be, but that's fine.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I get it.
Fernando Castillo
That's okay. Sometimes it don't hit that well.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, well, you did the cross eyes to us.
Gabriel Iglesias
I mean, you faced us when you did the qu.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, there you go. See, you got to do it to them. That's the trick. Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Play it forward.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You can't make. Can't make the funny faces to us.
Fernando Castillo
I wanted y'all to see me be.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That was fun.
Fernando Castillo
It's good. Man, this guy look aggravated. What's wrong with you, dickhead?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Tired of this, man. This lumberjack Texas fella. I cannot relate to any of this crackhead material. I know any.
Fernando Castillo
I know no crackheads in my life. None. I can't do a white accent. I realized that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, wait. Yeah. You really can't. I ain't not be knowing. What the hell was that? I don't know no crackheads.
Fernando Castillo
That's my.
Ari Mannis
The.
Tony Hinchcliffe
With that Cam Powders and Cam Patterson playing a white guy. Oh, my God. Absolutely incredible. We've never learned this about you before, that you cannot do a white impression. Wow.
Fernando Castillo
I can only do one impression?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. What is it?
Fernando Castillo
It's. It's a. It's a. You know. You ever seen chowder?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Chowder?
Fernando Castillo
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like on his ass Clam? Yeah. Corn.
Fernando Castillo
It's a. It's an old cartoon show, and it was a dude down there, his name Schnitzel, but he don't talk. All he. All he said, rata, rata, rata, rata, rada, rata, rata, rata, rata. That's all I. He was black. That's all he said, though.
Matt Muling
Wow.
Fernando Castillo
That's all. Look it up. That's all he said. Rider.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I believe you.
Fernando Castillo
And he was black, though. He was black.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, I believe that for sure. Wow. What was that on Cartoon Network? Okay.
Fernando Castillo
Hell, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right.
Ari Mannis
Sure.
Fernando Castillo
Five foot with.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I liked it a lot. It's just a black cartoon.
Fernando Castillo
No, it was a white.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, it was.
Fernando Castillo
It was for everybody.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They just had one black character.
Fernando Castillo
I mean, it was all, like, fictional. They was like. You feel me?
Gabriel Iglesias
Like, that's in the description. By the way, you hit the guide. That's exactly what it says on the guide. Even I knew that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely incredible. Wow. Well, Cam, so much fun. You did it again. Another monster performance. Another new minute from Cam Patterson. Ladies and gentlemen, business is booming. We're flying through it here tonight. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. Ooh, the great Heidi gracing us with her amazing presence yet again. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool. Goes by the name of Eddie Lursa. Make some noise for Eddie Larsa, everybody.
Matt Muling
Thank you. I got my Uber on the way here and it was a lady driver, so, you know, I buckled up. Not just because she was a woman. I'm not a sexist. She was also Asian. Not that Asian people can't drive. They can, and that's the problem. Relax, relax. I'm kidding. It wasn't an Asian woman. It might have been an Asian man. I couldn't tell. I hate Ubers, though. I fucking hate Ubers. My worst Uber driver ever made me walk two blocks in the rain to get to the car. Loudly fought the entire ride with someone named Shut the fuck up, bitch. Where I ran multiple red lights, almost hit a person. Then this dude had tattoos up to his neck and three teardrops under his eyeball. Five stars because that guy knows where I live. 25% tip. Thank you for the service. I actually found out when I. When I want to leave one star. I started getting dropped off down the street at my bitchy neighbor's house because she's kind of got it coming. All right, that's my time. Thank you. I'm Eddie Larsa.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Eddie Larsa. A lot of Uber material there. Here we go.
Carlos Sosa
Welcome.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is this your first time on the show?
Matt Muling
Third time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. All right, welcome back, Eddie. How long you been doing stand up?
Matt Muling
Almost two years now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Two years? All of it here in Austin?
Matt Muling
Yeah, I started in, in West Palm, Florida, but I wasn't there very long. I moved here like six months in.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that where you're originally from? West Palm, Florida?
Matt Muling
No, I'm originally from Virginia. I lived in Florida for six years before I moved here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, what do you do for work?
Matt Muling
Bartend.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right. And you still do that?
Matt Muling
Yeah, bartend. I produce a lot of shows in town. I, you know, anything I can, but bartending is my main money.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How often do you perform?
Matt Muling
As much as I can. I mean, ballpark it. Five, Five spots a week.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. And what do you do for fun? Fun?
Matt Muling
For fun. I mean, out here mostly stand up. I like writing. I used to write fiction a lot back in my early 20s. I had a little like, self publishing company in DC. I wrote a bunch of short stories, a couple self published novels. That was like my main I've written since I was a little kid. Like I've always loved writing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How about when you're not writing or doing stand up, is there anything you like to do that's a little bit more fun?
Matt Muling
I like to snowboard. I haven't been in a long time. I used to live in Colorado. I used to go snowboarding a lot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That you ever snow one wheel?
Matt Muling
Never snow one wheeled.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, Eddie, you have any pets?
Matt Muling
Yeah, I have one dog.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, what's his name?
Matt Muling
White Claw.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why did you name your dog White Claw? Gay dog, huh? One note, red band over here. It's a gay this, a gay that.
Rob Edwards
Gay.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Gay, Gay, gay, gay. Part noise, part noise. Gay. Okay. All right. Why is it called White Claw?
Matt Muling
Cuz he's all black. One white claw and I was drinking White Claws heavily at the time when I got him.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
Coincidence. Yeah. Right. When you're doing a, a full. Now what's the longest amount of time you spent on stage?
Matt Muling
On stage? 15, 16 minutes. It's the longest set I've done.
Gabriel Iglesias
15 minute set is the longest set. Okay, when you're doing a full 15 minute set, what is your opening usually like? My opening when you cut, like when you're coming out, you know you're going to do a full set, you know, because usually like right now I feel like you came out and you're only given a minute so you jump right into it versus giving the people a split second to try to understand where you're coming from. Jason didn't have to explain himself when he came out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
You knew some shit was gonna go down when he came out because everything about him told you that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
You on the other hand look very, very normal. Like you said you're a bartender, like I totally believe it, I see it. But you only had a minute to perform. So what is your normal open opening?
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's a great question. I would love to know, like let's say you were doing a 15 minute set, what is sure the first like 30 seconds look like. Deal.
Matt Muling
I mean, you want me to do it?
Gabriel Iglesias
I have like when there's no.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it. His opening bet. Let's pretend like I just brought you up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is him doing a 15 minute set, but not really. Make some noise for Eddie Larsa. Eddie, everybody.
Matt Muling
Thank you, thank you. Happy to be here. It's a new year. Trump just got inaugurated on Monday. Some people are happy about it, some aren't. I didn't vote for Trump even though I Look, like this I love with you. But I also didn't vote for Kamala. I didn't vote. And some people feel a certain type of way about that. I stand by my decision. And I'll tell you why I didn't vote. Because I am a felon.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is perfect.
Matt Muling
Where my felons at?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Not only did that answer our question, how you open a set, but that also brings me to the most interesting part of the interview. That was fantastic. How are you a felon?
Matt Muling
Assaulting police officers.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. I'm guessing this was in Florida, because that shit don't fly out here. This was.
Matt Muling
This was in Virginia.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay.
Matt Muling
Towards the end of my time, it was. I was in college for six months. I assaulted police officers. And I wasn't in college anymore after that.
Gabriel Iglesias
What? Provoke that? Dude, you know, you look like you could get away with something already. So why. Why would you not go with the flow?
Matt Muling
Yeah, it was a long. I was eating acid heavily at the time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I. Oh, I thought you were just. Yeah, me too. He's just like, here we go.
Gabriel Iglesias
Was it at a Waffle House?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
All right.
Matt Muling
Actually, sorry. I did go to a Waffle House immediately upon getting out of jail.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. That's where everyone goes.
Matt Muling
It was great. No, I was in college and I was. I ate acid one time for like two months straight and I. I lost my mind. I was. I drank a bunch of Everclear Jungle juice. And there was a cop in my dorm when I got back, and. And I didn't like that, I guess. I don't really remember exactly how it happened, but.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What did the report say?
Matt Muling
Oh, it was a 15 page police report. We were together for hours. I busted. I thought when they finally got me to the police car, like, I remember telling the cop that when he had me on in ankle cuffs and my hands back, that that's how I had his wife on the ground. And just being as disrespectful as possible when he got me in the car, I thought that if I went to jail, then I. Or if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't have to go to jail. So I got this scar. Cause I busted my head open on the plexiglass between the front and the back of the police car and then went to the hospital, caught a felony at the hospital and had to go to jail.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Matt Muling
Yeah. That was just pages like 1 through 3. I don't know how many of these.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely incredible.
Gabriel Iglesias
You need to talk more about stuff like this, dude. That's way funnier. Than your. Or whatever you did. I have earlier that whole because I look like this and you should follow it up with. And I didn't vote for Kamala either, because I look like this. Because, you know, at first glance, bro, I wasn't sure. Yeah, it could have.
Matt Muling
I understand.
Gabriel Iglesias
You could have gone either way without.
Ari Mannis
You're.
Gabriel Iglesias
You're really funny. You just needed an opportunity to get comfortable in front of the audience. That's what I noticed. Like, okay. Something tells me there's more. There's more than just that minute. So I'm glad we gave you that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Chance to do that for sure. Eddie Larsa, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna keep flying through. You already have a joke book, right? There he goes. Eddie Larsa, third or fourth time on the show.
Carlos Sosa
This is an ad from BetterHelp Online Therapy. We always hear about the red flags.
Tony Hinchcliffe
To avoid in relationships, but it's just.
Carlos Sosa
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Tony Hinchcliffe
Those qualities so you can embody the.
Carlos Sosa
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Tony Hinchcliffe
H-E-L-P.com your next comedian goes by the name of Michael Scott. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Michael Scott. Everybody make some noise for Michael Scott.
Carlos Sosa
You guys look like you with rap music, right? Yeah. Cool crowd. Okay, you guys remember rapper Mystical.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Shake your ass.
Carlos Sosa
Watch yourselves. Show me what you're working with. That guy, Mystical. Mystical was my favorite rapper when I was a kid. It wasn't for the bars because he wasn't great. It was more the fact that I found out he was a combat engineer during the Gulf War. Mystical was a fucking minesweeper. I liked to play this game where I imagine Mystical out there leading his troops during the Gulf War while preparing for his future rap career. You guys. Hey, guys, hang back real quick. I gotta make sure it's clear. Is the Minesweeper.
Matt Muling
Doot doot, doot, doot, doot, doot.
John Dees
Danger.
Carlos Sosa
Watch yourselves.
Gabriel Iglesias
Get on the floor.
Carlos Sosa
All right, all right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's all I got.
Carlos Sosa
Let's go.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Michael Scott. Doing good. Doing good. Some super topical mystical material at the.
Carlos Sosa
Height of his career.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Some reference differences from 22 years ago.
Carlos Sosa
He got accused of rape recently. So I. It's back in the news.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It was okay, I guess.
Gabriel Iglesias
Again.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, but you're not Talking about that. You're talking about the lyrics to the song. That's.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, I guess that's what got me thinking.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is, Michael, how long you been doing stand up?
Carlos Sosa
Eight years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Eight years. Where at?
Carlos Sosa
California. Bakersfield. I started. I'm from Fresno. I started in Bakersfield.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Bakersfield, Nice. And you live here now?
Carlos Sosa
Yes, for a year. A year. December 30th.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Okay.
Gabriel Iglesias
Where in Fresno did you get to perform when you. You said you started in Fresno.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I started.
Carlos Sosa
I lived in Fresno. I started comedy in Bakersfield.
Gabriel Iglesias
Okay. 661. Whereabouts in. In Bakersfield?
Tony Hinchcliffe
The.
Carlos Sosa
Well, Comedy club. They're gonna love that.
Gabriel Iglesias
They're gonna love that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Daniel Bats. All right, Is that the one where it's like a little cube that you stand on? Not a stage. It's like a box. I once performed in Bakersfield on a box. Oh, I did. You don't for like that where by chance. No, I remember it was like, you know, you drove a few hours. It was like a couple hundred bucks. This is 15 years ago or whatever. And I got there and you had to, like. It was like, high enough to where you. Literally. There wasn't like a staircase or anything. You had to, like, body yourself up and, like, throw a leg over and like, hey, what's up? Everybody just like, be confident and cool after that. I never forget having to. But you wouldn't had a chance at this place. You would have been like, oh, I guess I'm standing next to a box for this performance. It was so weird. It was like four and a half feet up in the air, like, crawling up this. All right, so.
Gabriel Iglesias
So grew up in Fresno. First time performing was in Bakersfield. And then you went to. To Los Angeles?
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, My. My parents lived there in la. Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
What brought you out to Texas?
Carlos Sosa
I was dating a girl. She got a transfer for a job. We moved out here. We broke up. And then. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Now, how long were you able to make it last? Jesus. This from Dallas is losing her mind slowly throughout the show, becoming more and more annoying. Why did you gasp like that, lady? It's okay. You can answer. You want to make noises during the show. These are the repercussions. Why'd you. Why are you making noises about them breaking up everybody moving to Dallas?
Carlos Sosa
I don't live in Dallas.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Nobody's moving to Dallas. Literally nobody wants to move where you live. Nobody. Even the people that have to for work don't want to move there. I like Dallas, but nobody's moving there, so. So control yourself, or else you're gonna get Embarrassed again. Like it just happened. All right, let's go back to you.
Carlos Sosa
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So how long were you able to make that relationship work in Austin?
Carlos Sosa
Eight months.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Eight months. Okay. Where do you think it went wrong? Is this a white girl?
Carlos Sosa
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
God damn it. I knew it.
Gabriel Iglesias
How did you know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You want to know how I know? You know how Cam couldn't do an impression of a white person? I don't think Michael can do an impression. An impression of a black person. I'm a white guy that was raised in an all black neighborhood. I have a good ear and eye for these things. Michael Scott.
Carlos Sosa
We did this last time I was on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, we did this makes sense. I I'd imagine so.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Like, if you close your eyes, he's a white guy. Everybody close your eyes. Michael, say some nice things.
Carlos Sosa
Thank you for calling customer support.
Gabriel Iglesias
And he hasn't said the N word once.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And no, no.
Carlos Sosa
If you remember from my last set.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't say the N word.
Carlos Sosa
I say ne'er do.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, okay. No one remembers your last set. Pretend like that never happened. How long ago was that, Sam?
Carlos Sosa
Talent episode 668. I remember.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, so that's about July. A year.
Carlos Sosa
July.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, fine.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, like a couple months ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Carlos Sosa
Oh, I lost D. Madness. Holy. All right.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, John D. Is giving you permission to say the N word. He wants to hear you say it.
Carlos Sosa
My. What's up?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. I guess I'm allowed to say it now, too.
Carlos Sosa
Oh, I, I, I didn't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, God. Well, all right.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God. I, I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Michael, what do you think is the blackest thing about you?
Carlos Sosa
You all right? Okay. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A woman out there just yelled to dance. Do you. Can you do dance like a black guy? No. Let's see this. Give me some music here. Come on, Play some mystical guys. Add me.
Carlos Sosa
I, I swear to God, I can.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I swear to God, I have a bad knee. I can't dance right now. I swear to God, my. I tore my Achilles tendon. Come on. Hey, hey. Oh, there's the lighting.
Gabriel Iglesias
You to say danger.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, white guy. Go, white guy. Go, white guy. Hey. What do you want? Welcome to white dance party. All right. It doesn't.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
My grandma is going to kill me.
Carlos Sosa
You let you dance for those white people? That's what she's.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I bet that's exactly what she sounds like, too. What in the world would put you in that conundrum to where the white people are asking you to dance for them? My dear, sweet Michael Scott, your name is whiter than anything about you, by the way.
Carlos Sosa
My mom was going to name me Jericko. Actually, like, wow. Not Jared, not Derek, but Jericho. Well, so Michael Scott the second. My dad is Michael Scott.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Jericho should be named Donald because you dodged a bullet there.
Carlos Sosa
My middle name is Don L. And.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He danced like Donald Trump. He did kind of dance like Donald Trump. We know who he voted for. He's like, I could totally dance like a black guy. Oh, Michael, I love it. So did this white girl break your heart here? Yeah. Yeah, she did explain to us kind of how it happened.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's right. That's what triggered this whole thing. The white girl.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Oh, man. You guys are.
Carlos Sosa
You guys are really trying to kill me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, man.
Carlos Sosa
Made me dance on my bad leg. All right, let's do this.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah. You guys actually know her? Her?
Gabriel Iglesias
You dated a comic?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Michael, can you answer the questions? Okay, go ahead.
Gabriel Iglesias
We know a lot of you dated a comic.
Carlos Sosa
I'm work. Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, she's a comedian.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. It doesn't matter. Can you tell us how she broke your heart?
Carlos Sosa
If you will stop.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Carlos Sosa
Lindsay Tyreek.
Tony Hinchcliffe
This is an unbelievable interview, Michael. It's ridiculous. We talked about this last time. We talked about this. Like ant. Stick to the questions here. Year you're on my show.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. How did she break your heart?
Carlos Sosa
She started dating another comic. Started talking to another comic while we were dating. Told me they were friends.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And then did they do a little writing together? No. Oh, God.
Gabriel Iglesias
Are we gonna start doing comic puns? She segued her vagina onto his microphone. She.
Tony Hinchcliffe
She opened her mic like, she opened.
Gabriel Iglesias
How recent was recently was this. Sorry, if we're on you right now. What. How recently was this?
Carlos Sosa
8 month February. So almost a year.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Valentine's Day or 8th.
Carlos Sosa
I remember it was the 8th and it was on the way to kill Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We.
Carlos Sosa
We broke up in the car about to get out the car. Hard to go to poor choices for the. For the money.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. And did you continue to stay in Poor Choices that evening? Honestly? Yeah.
Carlos Sosa
I did sign up that night and I still stayed and I stuck around.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And she signed up and stayed. So you guys are kind of like at the bar just like looking at each other like.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
You still run into her, huh?
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, no, we're actually really cool now. Like, it's funny. It's like we're cool as now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is she still with that another comedian guy? Yeah, yeah. And they seem happy together. Yeah.
Carlos Sosa
And dude, we hang out all the time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is he a black guy? No. Wow.
Carlos Sosa
Could not be the opposite. It could not be more.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Isn't that amazing? Once you go black, you never go back. But if you go Michael Scott.
Carlos Sosa
You can go anywhere.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You'll try a lot. I just want somebody that can dance. Hands. How'd you hurt your knee?
Carlos Sosa
Mma.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow, look at that.
Gabriel Iglesias
He can fight. Dude, careful.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. This is incredible. Yeah.
Carlos Sosa
Before I did comedy, I was a fighter for. Yeah, for a while. For a good while.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my goodness. Wow.
Carlos Sosa
I. I see him spinning quick. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What kind of fighting were you?
Carlos Sosa
Jiu jitsu was my specialty. Purple belt? Well, yeah, but. Yeah, I love kickboxing. I love to kick. Yeah. Just. I keep breaking.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm.
Carlos Sosa
I keep. I'm fragile. I keep breaking.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
What Was your record?
Carlos Sosa
2 and 2. 2 and 2.
Tony Hinchcliffe
2 and 2.
Carlos Sosa
2 and 2. I started off great and I kept. I had a habit of taking fights on short notice. Every promoter knew they could just call.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Me Old John straight off the Broken bones Jones over here.
Carlos Sosa
That's fucking solid. Yeah. Yeah. It's just.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They.
Carlos Sosa
So I never went pro. I was an amateur. Amateurs don't get paid. But if you're willing to take on anybody like they, you get paid a little bit under the table. So I would get, like, timely.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So you made a little bit of side cash?
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, so I'd make 400 to fight. Promoters new they could call me, but I took my. I started off 2 and 0, and then I took my last two fights six days notice and then eight days notice and I got my.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Just cannot for the life of me picture this. Like, did. Would you do your walk out with, like, the gloves and your glasses still on? You hand them to your coach right as you get in the octagon. Really? Yes. You walked out with your. You would be 4 and 0 right now if your opponent didn't see you walk out with glass.
Carlos Sosa
If I could get hit in the eyes and my contacts wouldn't fall out, I would. Yes, I would be.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You fought with contacts in.
Carlos Sosa
I did that one time and then I got hit and it went. I felt it. I felt under here and. Yeah, so what I would do, I never would fight with him. I just hand him to my coach and then I have him lead me to the cage.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Your eyes don't seem that bad with those glasses on, by the way. Way, though, like, your eyes don't seem that bad with. I still think Deep Madness would beat the out of you right now.
Gabriel Iglesias
Was you did your. Were your medical bills ever more than what you got paid?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Always.
Carlos Sosa
The thing is, is amateurs Don't. Amateurs don't get paid anything.
Gabriel Iglesias
Anytime you're starting off, you're always like, yeah.
Carlos Sosa
Yep.
Gabriel Iglesias
Like when he had to get on that box.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, exactly. And I basically paid the same amount of. For gas that would I. To get me there and back.
Gabriel Iglesias
And we just wanted the time.
Carlos Sosa
You'd be paying for your medicals. Just to be licensed in California is like. Back then it was like. I think it was like 400 bucks or so or. Yeah, it's like you're paying out of pocket to get your ass kicked. And then if you have broken bones, you're paying for that too. That's just how it was. So I never got. I never went pro. Is just. I. Yeah, well, it sucks.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What are your future goals, Michael?
Carlos Sosa
Other than I work at Hotel Ella. I don't know if you guys ever heard of it. It's a hotel here in Austin. It's a little boutique hotel.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that.
Carlos Sosa
I'm a valet.
Tony Hinchcliffe
35.
Carlos Sosa
Yeah, right off at 30.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Is that connected to that new sushi joint?
Carlos Sosa
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. There's a new all you can eat sushi joint.
Carlos Sosa
That's machi sushi.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Unbelievable. Yeah. That's not that hotel.
Carlos Sosa
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Gabriel Iglesias
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah. Dude, you're about to be in love. I've gone like three times in the past two weeks.
Gabriel Iglesias
Brand new out of a food combo. This is funny.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They have a full size transformer out front too, for you to like, stare at when you're digesting afterwards. Which is former Bumblebee or something? It is. It's bumblebee. Oh, you've been there. A man known for his heavy protein intake. Big Mike Michael Gonzalez has been there.
Carlos Sosa
Bumblebees of Volkswagen.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, well, Michael, congratulations. You already have a joke book.
Carlos Sosa
Yes, a big one.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There he goes. Michael Scott, everybody. We're flying through it. Damn, that was a long interview. Yeah, we're getting to know a lot about these people tonight. Makes them.
Gabriel Iglesias
You didn't know you had a fighter here?
Tony Hinchcliffe
He did not look like a fighter. He's got.
Gabriel Iglesias
I feel bad for some of the jokes. Me in the back.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is one of those fluffy. That is one of those wild situations where you never know who you're talking to. Notice I got a. Not a lot nicer after he said he's a amateur fighter. Purple belt. Normally if you see a black guy with a purple belt, he's a pimp. All right. That's a joke I was gonna do earlier, but the time passed, but I got it out. That's good. All right, your next Bucket pool. Goes by the name of Yale Reemez. Yale Reames, perhaps. Yale.
Yale Reams
Thank you. I've been getting into a lot of arguments recently, most recently with my girlfriend. She snatches food off of my plate all the time, and her excuse is always, well, come on. There's no yours or mine. It's all ours. I'm like, well, if that's how you feel, why do you get so upset when I try to put a thumb in our butthole? I also got into it with a friend of mine. I thought she was telling me a joke. She told me that her cat had feline aids. I didn't think it was real. So my first thing that I said was like, I didn't even know your cat was a slut. And she goes, that's not how they get it. That's not how they get it. And I was like, where do you get it from sharing needles? What are you talking about? She was upset, but she shouldn't have named her cat Meowgic Johnson, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, the timing on that. The timing on that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
An amazing minute.
Gabriel Iglesias
It's like meow was the punchline at the end of that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's perfect. Magical.
Gabriel Iglesias
So perfect.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dude, this is your first time on the show, right? Yes.
Yale Reams
Yes, it is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Welcome, Yale. How do you say that last name?
Yale Reams
Reams.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Reams. Welcome, welcome. How long you been in standup?
Yale Reams
About four years now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where at?
Yale Reams
I actually just moved down from Columbus a couple weeks ago.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Beautiful. Congratulations.
Gabriel Iglesias
You do the funny bone up there?
Yale Reams
No, they don't let me in there.
Gabriel Iglesias
It's the thumb joke. I know the owner, he don't like jokes like that anyway. Yeah, I thought that was funny, man. That was hysterical.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you.
Yale Reams
Thank you very much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why didn't they let you into the funny bone?
Yale Reams
They let me in for, like, the competitions. They do, like, the new comics competitions. He kind of books that they'd pass you. They book one person every 12 months to host. So it's just.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you're waiting around for.
Yale Reams
There's too many people. Not enough spots.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Exactly. A lot of these big cities, a lot of cool big cities like Columbus just simply don't have a real scene. So how long have you been here?
Yale Reams
Moved down here in December.
Tony Hinchcliffe
The was so funny about that. There's some cool big cities that don't have a real comedy scene. Columbus, admittedly, where we have lived. Like, if you want to make money, open up a comedy club in Columbus.
Gabriel Iglesias
Columbus.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Because there's only one. Really? Yeah.
Yale Reams
I mean, my hometown club there was. They had the New one called the Attic and that one was like struggling for a while, but they're finally turning it around.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Okay. How long have you been here?
Yale Reams
December. I moved down in December.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You love it already?
Yale Reams
Yeah, it's fun. It's. I love the fact that I can do a shitload of sets. Even if they're shitty open mics. I love that I can do a bunch of sets in a night.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, I'm sure people are recognizing. Recognizing how funny you are very quickly. How much material do you think you have that's as good as that minute?
Yale Reams
I could probably do 15 to 20.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Nice. Have you done that length of a set before?
Yale Reams
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, awesome. What do you do for work?
Yale Reams
Nothing right now. I'm on the job hunt.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. What did you do in Columbus?
Yale Reams
I used to work for an engineering firm. I used to do construction.
Gabriel Iglesias
Some well paying stuff. Yeah, that's kind of like I.
Yale Reams
There's a reason I don't work for them anymore. They realize their mistake after a year and they were like, oh, this was a bad idea.
Gabriel Iglesias
You clearly have some stuff you need to get off your chest, bro. You know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey, were you able to save some money from those jobs? How are you surviving?
Yale Reams
I have a rich girlfriend.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. Look at this. God bless glass America. What does she do for work?
Yale Reams
Engineer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
She's a real engineer.
Yale Reams
A real engineer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my goodness gracious. Does she have glasses like yours?
Yale Reams
No, I think they're. I mean, she has glasses, but.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you can't even see. You can't even tell.
Yale Reams
You never looked at her, these ones.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Never looked at her eyes before. How long have you been with her?
Yale Reams
About four years now.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And she moved here with you?
Yale Reams
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So if everything goes on pace, if everyone's girlfriend leaves them after eight months. So you have about six months left with her. What are you going to do for work then? Motherfucker?
Yale Reams
Fucking door dash.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'm kidding. I love it. And you love her?
Yale Reams
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Sex life is active? Sure.
Brian Redban
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Sounds like it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hold on. You missed it. There was a soft sure that happened right there.
Yale Reams
No, I got fat as shit. I gained about 50 pounds. So.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, is she into it? Is she like, oh, you're like a bear now.
Yale Reams
She's into it. I just end up saying I'm sorry a lot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And cuz, what happened when you got fat? You kind of like. You like to be on bottom more.
Yale Reams
I don't want to anymore.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Really? Explain to us what that's like. We've never really had this conversation with a guy who's a gold Digger that went from skinny to bigger. We've never really gotten to have this before. When women are gold diggers, they have to stay in shape.
Yale Reams
Yeah, I know. I went from gold digger to golden corral.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go.
Yale Reams
I. No, I just. I gained. We both got too lazy and happy and we both got fat.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, she got fat, too.
Yale Reams
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, you're in great shape.
Yale Reams
Yeah, we're fine. We're fine.
Tony Hinchcliffe
As long as the woman who you're using for money also gained weight, then you're even. Stevens, the only person who loses here is your mattress. So what do you think contributed to you and your girl both getting bit?
Yale Reams
I. I don't know. I think love just looks a lot like giving up. I don't know. I don't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
When did you notice that you were having problems in the bedroom? Was it immediate? Was it a slow burn? Is there anything that you're doing to overcompensate? Are you having trouble getting a wreck? Because I will tell you, we are sponsored by BlueChew. We can make you hard. Hard as a rock. Try your first month of bluechew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. I love Bluechew. We know. We know you do. Red band. Red band does it just to have something to snack on sometimes. This episode is also brought to you by Shopify and Talk Space. I forgot to say that earlier. I was actually supposed to say that. Is there anything that you're doing to help the situation? Are you eating as much as you are fast food?
Yale Reams
I eat way more than I do.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, tell us about that. Tell us about your process there. Is there anything that you do? Is there anything that you've learned? Is there. Is your. Is there an evolution to your eating? Or do you eat the same way you did the first time you ate it?
Yale Reams
No, because every is different.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay, well, I thought you were only with one woman here. You might need to literally start looking for a job.
Yale Reams
I thought you meant the first time ever. So.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Right? Yes. So tell us about your evolution of eating as you've gotten fatter.
Yale Reams
I like it.
Gabriel Iglesias
Why did you look at me when you said that? Hey, can I order a drink since we're talking about friggin eating pussy here?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Another tequila for my teeth?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, please. Thank you. I feel you brought all these questions, by the way. Hey, you asked me to be on the show. I didn't. Can I get some of that medication too?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You want some that. What is this? A nicotine pouch from our friends over at Nicked nykd.
Gabriel Iglesias
I don't have a problem with cigarettes, man. What's that other. The pill. Where's the pill?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, Blue Chew. Yeah. Oh, we don't actually have any on us. We were reading off of the. Never mind. I love the party, though. Can I have a tequila and an erection, please?
Gabriel Iglesias
Hey, I got plans after this.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I got your back, bro.
Gabriel Iglesias
Don't worry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. So, again, tell us how you eat.
Gabriel Iglesias
Let's hear about it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Let's get the spotlight on him and take us through it.
Gabriel Iglesias
The truth is awesome.
Yale Reams
I just don't eat it laying down on the bed anymore. I. I sit down off the side of the bed because it's easier.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. You are just taking the shortcut in every single way. Okay, okay. Now the light is on. You show us how you eat. Look directly out into the audience. Oh, wow.
Gabriel Iglesias
Hey, guys, what is. What is eating music sound like?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, can we get some eating? Can we get a little diddly there? Oh, he's already exhausted. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going through the process here. Okay, her thighs are over your shoulders right now. You're doing the hard lean. It must not smell bad for you to stay in the mix like that.
Gabriel Iglesias
All right, this is it right here. This is it right here. There you go. Oh, God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah. Oh, my goodness. He's doing the dolphin. The dolphin move. Wow. He ate her. And her ash.
Gabriel Iglesias
He ate her ash.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Kill Tony Ashtray. That was incredible. What's the longest you think you've ever eaten your girlfriend's. It's just some torture.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, look out, my Latino. My Latino horn players have heard eating enough times. They're jamming over there. They can only hear the word eating 10 times before they just start soloing out over there playing some romantic ass. Oh, he's getting. He's. It's getting louder and more. More powerful. Yeah. Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo and Raul Vallejo. All right, all right, Yale. Tell us something else crazy about your life or that we would be interested to know about you. Any fun facts about Yale Reams? You have a great name. Very original name. We had a Michael Scott before years. Like a billion Michael Scotts. There's only got to be one.
Gabriel Iglesias
I mean, I was.
Yale Reams
I was named after a guy that died who was named after a pro football hall of Famer. NFL hall of Famer.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Reams, Yale. Oh, that makes sense.
Yale Reams
I got that one from dad, though, right?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Any other fun facts about you before we should let you go?
Yale Reams
I was in the army for a few years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, what'd you do in the army?
Yale Reams
I was 35. Mike. It's a intelligence collector, interrogator.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Awesome. Awesome.
Gabriel Iglesias
He wasn't a recruiter.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No. Yeah, you've been doing.
Gabriel Iglesias
I gotta tell you, when you came out, man, you feel very comfortable, very polished. There was no hesitation. As soon as you started performing, man, you were funny out the gate. Thank you.
Yale Reams
Thank you. That means a lot.
Gabriel Iglesias
Appreciate that. I noticed that immediately.
Yale Reams
Thank you very much.
Gabriel Iglesias
I had somebody start over earlier, cuz I felt like there was something there. But right out the gate, you felt very comfortable. So 15, 20 minutes, man. I feel like you got more, but, you know, that's. You know, that's just me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love.
Gabriel Iglesias
As long as you're. As long as your set is longer than your eating, I think you're going to be okay. Focus on that, dude. Everything else will fall into place.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I loved the minute. Congratulations. Congratulations, Red band. You know, because you're from Columbus, Ohio, and you're a funny guy, I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.
Yale Reams
Hell yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
And you're getting a big kill Tony Joke book. Yale reams, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived to Kill Tony. How exciting. A real gig. He just got out of this. Oh my goodness.
Gabriel Iglesias
Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How lovely.
Gabriel Iglesias
This is going well. J.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Make some noise for your next bucket poll. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds uninterrupted for Sandy, everyone. It's Sandy. Let's see what happens here with Sandy.
Ari Mannis
Hey, what's crack and kill? Tony, how we doing tonight? We doing good. Yeah. I feel like as a comedian, have a lot in common with strippers, you know. You ever seen a stripper bomb on stage?
Gabriel Iglesias
God damn, dude.
Ari Mannis
Not even a dollar at you, girl. God damn, dude. I remember one time I told the stripper, I was like, hey, girl, you know, I could save you from this lifestyle, right? And then she showed me her bank account and I was like, hey, actually, can you save me? Nah, man, I have bad taste in women. I remember one time I was at the beach and I fell in love with this blonde girl, you know, I went up to her and she had dreadlocks. She was a surfer chick. I was like, hey, girl, how'd you get your dreadlocks like that? She was like, I've been homeless three years. And I was like, what the scared me, man. I could tell she was on drugs, you know, because we're doing cute. I was hanging around her, we held hands, we took a long walk on the beach. We played I Spy. You guys ever played I Spy with the tweaker? Hey, they're fucking good, yo. They're good at that shit, man. I kept like saying, I spy an orange umbrella. And she would find it all quick and then she would be like, I spy someone's catalytic converter. I was like, what? Yeah, man. I like midgets, you know, they have a nice ass. The only thing bigger than a midget's ass are their foreheads. You feel me?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. Sandy, welcome, welcome a minute from Sandy. Is this your first time on the show?
Ari Mannis
Yes, sir.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah. What pot farm were you raised at? Look at you. Pink Floyd shirt, that head.
Gabriel Iglesias
I love drugs and I love how comfortable you are. You are Fluffy.
Ari Mannis
What the. How do I not see you?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
I. I have never snuck up on anybody. Thank you, man. Hey, hey, hey. I should wear black more often.
Ari Mannis
You look good, brother. Good to see you, man.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, you're very comfortable. You can out here and just felt chill, you know?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Ari Mannis
Now I've seen you. I grew up. My family loves you. I've seen you at the Citizens Banker in or Toyota in Ontario.
Gabriel Iglesias
Thank you, man.
Ari Mannis
I'm from the ie, so it's. It's cool to see. I know you started at the on, so it's cool.
Gabriel Iglesias
This is about you, bro.
Ari Mannis
Yeah, funny, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate you. Fluffy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
If you guys have ever wondered what people from the Inland Empire look like, it is these two.
Gabriel Iglesias
That. That is your hair, right? That is your hair, right?
Ari Mannis
I think so.
Gabriel Iglesias
The only reason I asked this because it's impressive and I haven't had it.
Ari Mannis
In a long time.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Incredible. There's a lot there. What do you do for work, Sandy? I gotta know.
Ari Mannis
I'm a. I'm a service technician at apartment complex. So I do. I fix air conditioners, I do plumbing, you know, it's cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I love it. So you're just walking in there stone just with electrical sockets. Kids.
Ari Mannis
You know how many times I've been shocked, you know, cuz I was like.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Cuz I got even Imagine. Do you live at the apartment complex that you manage?
Ari Mannis
30% off rent.
Tony Hinchcliffe
They only give you 30% off California.
Ari Mannis
It's up out there.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's a lot. 30% is a lot in California.
Ari Mannis
Oh, damn it is, dude. It's good, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
But it's a. It's a full time job.
Ari Mannis
Full time. Been there six years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So sometimes you get awakened in the middle of the night. Night and this and that.
Ari Mannis
Yep. And I gotta go stop, you know, fix things.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What are some of the crazier calls that you've ever gotten have you ever?
Ari Mannis
One time I was at Buffalo Wild Wings and they called me, like, there's two apartments on fire. Can you come help? And I'm like, no.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What? They're like, hey, let's just see if we can get the kid to put out the fire. There's a fire. Who do we call? Call us Andy. Holy. That's how they. That's how they manage fires in Southern California. I don't know if you guys have been. I don't know if you guys have been watching the news at all. We got a fire in the Pacific Palisades. There's 20,000 cubic miles on fire. Who do we call? Sandy. Sorry, sorry. Millions of people. He's at a Buffalo Wild Wings right now. Gavin Newsom's first call. Did we try Sandy? Oh, my God.
Gabriel Iglesias
Can I see your Gavin Newsome impression again?
Tony Hinchcliffe
That's.
Gabriel Iglesias
Wait, wait, hold on.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't. I don't think I have one. I don't.
Gabriel Iglesias
I don't think I. Cuz your lips changed. Look at your lips.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We need to call Sandy. We have this under control. There's nothing that can go wrong with Sandy. I mean, look at him.
Ari Mannis
I thought it looked good. It's my birthday today too.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh. I'm gonna light a blunt just for you.
Gabriel Iglesias
So how long have you been doing this?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Three years.
Ari Mannis
Last three years. January 20th.
Gabriel Iglesias
And where'd you start doing standup?
Ari Mannis
The IE. So I do. You know, I do. I'm always at the Improv. Yeah, right there. Yeah, I started in the IE. I'm always in Riverside. Just everywhere, you know, LA. Try to hit Hollywood as much as possible. And so I grew up. Man, that's cool.
Gabriel Iglesias
And then. So you're living out here now or you just.
Ari Mannis
I just came to visit. My friends live out here, so it's. It's cool. They let me sleep on the couch for like 10 days.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's freaking awesome, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you.
Ari Mannis
Thank you, Fluffy. Damn, I never thought Fluffy would be passing me a goddamn blind dude.
Gabriel Iglesias
Cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What birthday is this for you?
Gabriel Iglesias
So who's. It's.
Ari Mannis
You want to take a wild guess? Cuz people getting it wrong all day.
Gabriel Iglesias
I'm going to assume you are. I'm going to say. I'm going to say he's 23.
Ari Mannis
3, 22, 29. Yeah. No, people have been saying I look 43. I was pissed off. What the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, People are like, he's the Mexican Danny DeVito over here. Hey, I'm the penguin. Hey, look, I'm. Hey, look, I'm the penguin dude.
Ari Mannis
There you go red, Brad.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah. So what? Tell us more about you, Sandy. You've been asked to put out fires. You're an apartment manager. How long you been doing standup? Let's talk about that. Three years. Three years. That's right. That's right.
Ari Mannis
Yeah. My first job, I got my finger cut off at work.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So wait. Oh, my God. Holy.
Carlos Sosa
Oh, gross.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh. Oh, no.
Ari Mannis
Oh.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We have a. A lot of fainters in the front row tonight.
Gabriel Iglesias
Won't do that again.
Ari Mannis
Yeah, Never finger a fat chick. You know, the last time I do that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That John.
Ari Mannis
Oh, I got paid $10 here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. She ate you out. That is incredible. How did you lose that finger?
Ari Mannis
Finger and fat girl. Now I'm kidding.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Fireworks.
Ari Mannis
Ups.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Ups.
Ari Mannis
Dude, I was 18 years old. First job ever. Two weeks into it, lost my finger. I was. But pretty embarrassing.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What is exactly?
Gabriel Iglesias
And why is it missing it?
Ari Mannis
Just a cart squished it off and I had to pull it. I pulled off a glove and it just ripped it off even more. I was like, ah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
Ari Mannis
They tried to say they could save it. They couldn't.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. What can brown do for you?
Carlos Sosa
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So did UPS pay you well for that?
Ari Mannis
No. Guess how much.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Why? Why do I have to guess every. What's going on here? What is this, a circus?
Gabriel Iglesias
He got free for a week.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I don't know. Hey, they me. They gave me 30% off. Four.
Ari Mannis
$4,000. $4,000 apparently.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Did you. Did you. Did you just settle immediately?
Ari Mannis
No, I. I tried to fight and they're like, no, this is as much as you get. Even the lawyers are like, no, this is as much as you're going to get.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my God. Incredible. You had a lawyer? Was it a lawyer off a bus in the Empire? Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
Gabriel Iglesias
I like that. You top my joke using bigger numbers. I went two. You win.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You win. I didn't know what two was. I didn't even know you did the same. Oh, I didn't. I didn't. I speak a no espanol. Crazy. Because the governor of California. All right.
Ari Mannis
I don't speak Spanish either, brother. So I'm good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Huh? Really?
Ari Mannis
Poquito peron no mucho dog. That's all I know. Or sakala bolita. I don't even know what that means.
Gabriel Iglesias
A little, but not a lot. Means he's got narcotics on him. Are we really surprised?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Chichi's gordo. Oh, my God. The Quito indexo. Fingero. Sandy, what do you do for fun? You Seem like a guy that has some hobbies. For sure.
Gabriel Iglesias
He seems fun. He seems very fun.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah.
Ari Mannis
Just comedy, dude. That's all I do work in comedy, you know, just getting that time in as much as possible. That's why I've fallen.
Gabriel Iglesias
What are you doing right now that you're not like during the day before you got here tonight to do standup? What do you do just to entertain yourself?
Ari Mannis
Drink? I don't know. It's my birthday, so everyone's been buying me drinks. I mean, thank you, girl.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Listen to the dumb from Dallas. Everybody who just realized that it's his birthday because she's so deep in her own world that she found that out seven minutes after everybody else did. Oh, my God. Happy birthday. Please don't move to Dallas. Jesus Christ. She's hot.
Ari Mannis
At least she's hot. I'll take that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Go, girl.
Ari Mannis
Get it, girl.
Tony Hinchcliffe
At least she's hot.
Gabriel Iglesias
You're high.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Ari Mannis
You're high for a match made in heaven.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Someone's about to get the lightest fingering of her life.
Ari Mannis
I usually for the clit, I just vibrate it on the clit. Like you put 200 let it vibrate on the clit.
Matt Muling
They love it.
Ari Mannis
It works.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You've heard a finger bang. That's like finger poof. Wow.
Ari Mannis
It's my trigger finger too. I'm left handed.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Like. Oh, you're left handed. Oh, that is so sad. Oh my God.
Gabriel Iglesias
I thought that was the only, like, positive. Like, at least it was a left.
Ari Mannis
Hand, you know, like.
Gabriel Iglesias
No, that's. That's probably how you got that in there, huh?
Ari Mannis
Yeah, that's how it happens.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What are the times where you notice it affects you the most other than like obviously shooting a gun? Is it hard to write?
Ari Mannis
It's hard to do my job, you know, just fixing things at work, trying to get a screw again. It's hard, right?
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's hard to write.
Ari Mannis
Yeah, of course it's hard to write. My. But I've always had sloppy writing. It's a left handed thing. What else is it hard to do? Jack off.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Left handed.
Ari Mannis
We're left handed all the way, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wow. Absolutely. All my.
Ari Mannis
All my. My. All my cousins are left handed too, which is kind of crazy. You never really hear that. My sister's left handed. Whole family's left handed.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely amazing.
Ari Mannis
Which explains why it looked like this, probably. Goddamn. Someone said I look like a witch earlier. I'm like, what? That does not make sense.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Someone told you that you look like a witch?
Ari Mannis
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Then what did you go? You went If I had a finger like that, I would be using it all the time. Be like, oh, Tony Hinchcliffe. You mean the half index fingered guy? It would be my identity.
Ari Mannis
All right, well, that's been fun, man. I. Best birthday of my life, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I bet it is. Happy birthday, my friend. Congratulations. What are you doing Thursday?
Ari Mannis
Thursday I have a show in Palm Springs.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, well, there you go.
Gabriel Iglesias
Where in Palm Springs?
Ari Mannis
It's a new spot. It's called the Rock Gallery. It's a cool spot. Luis and K will be headlining there next month, so it's. And I'll be headlining there and I think the next week after him, so. Trying to just get it as much as possible, man.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. When do you head to Palm Springs?
Ari Mannis
I'll be leaving tomorrow to get there by Thursday.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What are you driving? Are you walking?
Ari Mannis
No, I'm. No, I'm hitchhiking, Taking horse and carriage.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I have to leave tomorrow. The show's Thursday night. With the wind the way that it is, I must hit the Sunday roads, not Thursday.
Ari Mannis
If I need to stay out here, I mean, I'll stay out here. I'll ditch the other show.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, I mean, it's a paid gig in Palm Springs, right? You've been booked on it for a while.
Ari Mannis
A little bit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Right. So you're fine. How about next Thursday? Next time you're in Austin, let us know, right?
Ari Mannis
I will. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
There you go. And happy birthday. Here's a big joke book. Here's some.
Ari Mannis
Thank you, mister.
Gabriel Iglesias
Let's eat tea. Let's eat tea. Give me E.T. left hand.
Ari Mannis
E.T. phone home.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah. Wait, give me that stuff back real quick. I want to throw. I want you to catch it with your left hand. Right hand's so fun. Give me the book back, too. Let's see what happens here. All right, Here. Let's have some fun. Welcome to this Is the Olympics, everybody. Oh, okay. Use your chest on that one. I'm going to put it out there. Hey, very good. Here's some more. Keep gushing. Here we go. Oh, okay. There you go. All right. There you go. Sandy, everybody. All right, we're getting there. Let's. Let's get one or two more up here. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Rob Edwards, everybody. Rob Edwards. You guys having fun tonight? Oh, make some noise for Rob Edwards.
Rob Edwards
Greetings, motherfuckers. How y'all doing? You good? That's what's up. I hate going home for the holidays mostly. Cause every time I go back, they ask me the same shit. It's Rob, when you gonna bring us some grandbabies? Which I never know what to say to that. Cause I don't know how to put a timetable on an accident. You feel me? Cause I'm not gonna do it on purpose. So they're basically asking me, rob, when you gonna get into a car crash? Like, it's not on the vision board at the moment. I don't know what to say to these people. You feel me? Like, what's the math on that? How would I explain it? The math. Like, what's the math on that? Probability. What is the probability that I knock a chick up in a red state and can't sneak her into a blue state? What is. It's not very good. I'll figure it out. We'll find a way. No, every time I talk about the Roe v. Wade shit, they're like, rob, you live in California. You ain't got to worry about that. And I'm like, nah, see, that's how you build bad habits. I'm not really with that shit. I might live in California, but I fuck like I live in Mississippi. You know what I'm saying? I take it very seriously. I have a Confederate flag in my bedroom. Just to remind myself of the situation I could be in. I gotta pull out. You know what I'm saying? And when I'm about to come and say, the south shall rise again, and then I pull out and nobody gets pregnant.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Rob Edwards. I love it. This is your first time on the show, right?
Rob Edwards
Yeah. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Absolutely incredible set. And amazing that you're here to do it less than 24 hours after you won the AFC Championship yesterday. I mean, one second you're going to the super bowl, the next kill.
Rob Edwards
Tony, I don't know what you're talking about.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What is it?
Rob Edwards
I'm in Ravens gear. I look lost.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, okay. All right. Well, I mean. Okay. It's really applicable for any NFL team.
Rob Edwards
I don't know, so I hope they pick me up. Money.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You must have played. I mean, sports even as recently as today, it appears.
Rob Edwards
You know, I try to stay in shape.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You know, I got to try. Bacon sort out.
Rob Edwards
I got. I can jump a little bit.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, you can. What's your vertical leap?
Rob Edwards
Back when I was.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He knows the number.
Rob Edwards
I mean, back when I was doing. Was like 38, 39. Back when I was in shape.
Tony Hinchcliffe
38, 39. Inches in the air. Red band. Can't even do that in stairs. He's got. I could roll down some stairs. Down. Absolutely. Rob, what do you do? For how long you been doing stand up?
Rob Edwards
Be. It was seven years in October, so. Like, seven. I love it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where? All of it in Baltimore. Do you live here now?
Rob Edwards
Well, I do it. I'm in the Bay area, so. California.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay.
Rob Edwards
Been doing it out there in San Francisco.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. That's where you live now?
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It's crazy up there, right?
Rob Edwards
Yeah. A lot of you think the homeless is a lot worse than it is down here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I know it is. It's quite frightening. And it's not even really just homelessness as much as it is, like, drug addicts.
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Matt Muling
It is.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Mental illness.
Rob Edwards
Crack right in front of you. So it's cool.
Tony Hinchcliffe
We saw a lot of crazy, man.
Rob Edwards
Yeah. I'm a plumber. That's my day job. And somebody, like, OD'd under my van while I was working, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, wow. Wow. Under the van.
Rob Edwards
I thought they were, like, still in my catalytic converter, so I went over there to, like, stomp him out, and turned out he was, like, dying, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I was like, God already did that.
Fernando Castillo
Yeah.
Rob Edwards
He beat me to it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, my.
Rob Edwards
He beat me to it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You do not steal the catalytic converter of the Lord's will.
Rob Edwards
Beat me to it for show.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Amazing. So you're a plumber in San Francisco. Go.
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
How long you been doing that for?
Rob Edwards
I've been plumbing for, like, 10 years.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What made you get into plumbing?
Rob Edwards
I needed money.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah. Seem like a guy that's good at laying pipe. A lot of blood in that poop up there, huh? Red Ban, our senior correspondent.
Rob Edwards
I was like, what? I didn't even hear what he said.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He said, a lot of blood in the poop up there. Implying that San Francisco has an overwhelming amount of gay men and sickly men. He's not wrong.
Rob Edwards
He's not wrong. He's not wrong at all. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Hell, yeah. What is the worst plumbing situation you've ever had to go through that? What is literally the shittiest situation? 10 years of plumbing. I got to know. Big tall guy like you. It's got to be crazy out there is.
Rob Edwards
I mean, it's a lot of old. So it's a lot of old Asian money in there. So I'm, like, the first to go in a lot of these houses. And so I don't know, they just. I don't know. They try not to be, like. They try not to be racist, but, like, they accidentally be racist a lot of times.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, they don't know how.
Rob Edwards
They don't know how to talk to black people. Like, the older Asian people. So. Oh, you're so tall. Yeah, you can do it. I'm not gonna do it.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, you mean what I did when I introduced them to the stage tonight? I caught myself. I'm like, all right. Makes one as a raw bedroom. Holy. Oh, my God, he's so big in bracket. Big.
Gabriel Iglesias
More purple than you expected, huh?
Rob Edwards
Y'all ain't about to get me fired. Boy.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You.
Matt Muling
You were the tallest.
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yes, yes. The old typical Asian accent there from Mario.
Gabriel Iglesias
Most of your crazy calls happen after hours because usually that's when plumbers make the most money. Is because anytime I've had issues like, you know, it's always calling after hours, and usually it's for something where you have no control over it. So.
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
I mean, we've been called into.
Rob Edwards
Yeah. On call type shit. What's the. What's your question?
Gabriel Iglesias
You're asking as far as, like, what's not, though? Not the worst situation as far as somebody being an asshole to you, but more so, like, the situation, like, was a shower backed up, toilet backed up, the plumbing, was there something that was.
Rob Edwards
Just pipes will break, bro. Like that type. So you just gotta, you know, you go in there, shit's flooded or, you know, I mean, the worst is obviously, like, drain pipe, so. And stuff gets everywhere, and then you gotta go in there and fix.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Just incredible. Watching YouTube.
Gabriel Iglesias
No.
Tony Hinchcliffe
A veteran plumber talking to a veteran toilet clogger.
Gabriel Iglesias
So we have a connection right here.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Use the handle and stuff it down has.
Rob Edwards
He could probably show you some great flushing tampons. Ladies, please.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, they.
Rob Edwards
That's the main one you run into.
Gabriel Iglesias
You said 10 years of doing that, right?
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Can you still get grossed out?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Rob Edwards
I mean, you never get. You never get used to seeing. At least I don't. So.
Gabriel Iglesias
Because I've talked to some plumbers that are like, I could eat lunch while fixing the freaking pipes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
No, that's how.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's the level that I've seen some people get to.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is the most Mexican thing I've ever heard.
Gabriel Iglesias
I could say it in Spanish and make it more Mexican.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, they're about to play a song or something. You keep that up.
Gabriel Iglesias
Stand up, man. Which I think is awesome. You have great timing. You came out very confident.
Rob Edwards
Oh, thank you. I was one. I got long setup, so I was like, I was wondering how my shit's gonna go here, but it went.
Gabriel Iglesias
What's the longest you've been on stage?
Rob Edwards
I mean, I'm. What do you mean? Like, my time?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yes.
Matt Muling
45.
Rob Edwards
5.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, actually, he's been the first comic that's had a set longer than 15.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, exactly. I. I love it. I would almost say, you know, my only note for you is I would put the mic closer to your mouth and kind of like use that bass and that power a little bit more and like drive it home. A Red band doesn't understand how timing or beats work. So he thinks I'm making an actual joke over here. No, this is an actual stand up note. Like when you're doing your jokes that you clearly know how to do and write, it's so important that everybody's able to hear you for sure. And so it's a blatant note. I wish I could give Red Ban a note and make him funny, but it's impossible. But I just did for you. He performs once a week at his own show. He performs once a week on his own show and puts himself up right where he wants to go, so. But you I can make better.
Gabriel Iglesias
So from California, you just came out here just. Just for kill, Tony, I was in.
Rob Edwards
Dallas all week with my cousin and just Dallas.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Uh oh, but where is he from? Where was he at? Where do I live? All right, Rob, what kind of girls are you into? Big bootied. What?
Rob Edwards
Big boot.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'll take care of the first part. There's one part I'm positive of. Flat asses do not fly in the.
Rob Edwards
World of Rob, you talking about like color, race?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, sure, exactly.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Anything.
Gabriel Iglesias
That's what he meant.
Rob Edwards
Honestly, the only color I care about is pink, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Absolutely unbelievable. So is there anything you wouldn't fuck? Let's talk about that.
Rob Edwards
Race wise, I don't think as long as you attractive and you know, how.
Tony Hinchcliffe
About mentally or shape wise? There was someone that talked about loving middle midgets earlier.
Rob Edwards
I can't do crazy chicks anymore, but yeah, yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What makes a girl crazy to you? What's a situation where you've had with a crazy woman?
Rob Edwards
Tried to cut me.
Tony Hinchcliffe
So a Latina.
Rob Edwards
She was Puerto Rican.
Tony Hinchcliffe
She was Puerto Rican. Can't make it up. We love the Puerto Ricans.
Gabriel Iglesias
We already know how you feel about Puerto Ricans.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, it is incredible. The one that tried to stab you. That's literally like their thing. Yeah, it's amazing.
Rob Edwards
Don't argue in the kitchen. Don't argue in the kitchen. That's the.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, was in the kitchen.
Rob Edwards
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Was she ma. Was she cooking? Were you cooking?
Rob Edwards
No, she just. I was trying to leave and she was. The kitchen's next to the door, so.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, they'll find anything if it's in the living room, a TV antenna. They will get you with whatever they possibly can find.
Rob Edwards
Perhaps safe proof. The house, I guess, absolutely.
Gabriel Iglesias
So mentally is only like, okay, no crazy girls. But he didn't say no to like, you know, like dwarfs or anything else.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, no, it seems like everything else is on everything else.
Rob Edwards
Mostly normal sized women, I guess, is what has been the main thing, I guess. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
All right, There you go.
Carlos Sosa
He's lying.
Gabriel Iglesias
He's lying. I'm lying.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Rob. Seven years of standup comedy. Literally. I do believe my favorite, favorite set of the night, out of the bucket. So thank you so much. Here's a big joke book. Nothing for Rob, huh? Thursday I'm not. Whoa, look at this red band. Trying to give spots away.
Gabriel Iglesias
Trying to offer you work, but you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Know, hey, how about. How about Wednesday?
Rob Edwards
Wednesday I could. I could try to stay Wednesday.
Tony Hinchcliffe
What do you. What's going on? What are you doing? What do you got this week?
Rob Edwards
I got shows later and then I got like court for some. On nothing. I did nothing. I did.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, you gotta go to court?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah. Thank you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is all right. Hilarious.
Gabriel Iglesias
It's not racist because we already did this to a white person. Ask him.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Wait, what? That weed is powerful. What did you do to where you have to go to court?
Rob Edwards
I don't even know if I can talk. It's just mostly jobs. Just something somebody's suing the company for.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Oh, you're a witness.
Rob Edwards
Yeah, I was there when the job.
Gabriel Iglesias
You're good.
Rob Edwards
So you're good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Perfect. It's boring.
Rob Edwards
I'm sorry.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're good. No, that was great. Great said. Great interview. Thank you. Rob Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. And with that photo, Rob, we're gonna put a ribbon on it right now. Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the time to where there's only one way to end an episode like this. We have a regular on this show, ladies and gentlemen, and we are very close to finding out whether he will get his citizenship to the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin, Ari. Maddie.
Ari Mannis
Hello. Hello. Hello. I went to North Carolina Asheville this weekend.
Tony Hinchcliffe
It got hit by a horrible hurricane. It looked like a post apocalyptic movie. But then I went to the hotel room and I looked at Asheville.
Ari Mannis
Before.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I got to tell you, the hurricane didn't do that much. Even the hurricane was like, oh, shit, somebody already did this.
Ari Mannis
LA is on fire.
Tony Hinchcliffe
La. Oh my God.
Ari Mannis
So sad.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Where are the pedophiles gonna live now?
Ari Mannis
Where are we gonna fuck the kids now?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Eat my Ass.
Ari Mannis
La.
Matt Muling
They asked me for a dollar at.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Whole Foods yesterday for the relief fund. La. Eat my. Who's that dollar gonna go to? Mel Gibson? Fuck you. I don't feel bad for people who lost a house because I wish I had a house to lose. You know what I'm saying? I wish I got a new start. I mean, I wish I had a start. That's probably the best part about being poor as shit, huh? And renting. I don't give a fuck. If I go home after this gig and my apartment's. The only thing I do is I put my hands out for warmth. I look at the landlord like, I guess the lease is up now. Motherfucker.
Ari Mannis
A curse has been lifted.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Thank you.
Fernando Castillo
Wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I mean, hey, Gabriel, what can you say? This is a superstar right here. Here. I love that you're getting all this I'm still poor material out of the way before your arena act. I'm still poor, Gabriel. I don't. This is insane.
Gabriel Iglesias
I don't have a plane. This is the widest foreigner I've ever met.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He is. This is my. My love goes out to you. Yes. I'm sorry. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I didn't know what this is. I'm sorry. I'm autistic.
Ari Mannis
I don't know what this is.
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God. So much for my show at the kids school. I'm gonna get a call soon.
Tony Hinchcliffe
That is wild. He could. I'm pretty sure he can do it. You guys were on that side of World War II.
Matt Muling
Absolutely.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Okay. Absolutely. So it's like how black people can say the N word. I think he can give the Nazi salute because your people. People. Yes. Do that. Okay. I'm trying to fix the situation. What would you do, Gabriel?
Gabriel Iglesias
Oh, my God.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Put this on your next post. We're just gonna. We're just going to blur it or something. I guess no one will ever know. No, it's hilarious. It is kind of wild, right? You can. Autistic people can get away with stuff that blatantly non autistic people can.
Gabriel Iglesias
They can get away with it till they acknowledge legit. As long as they don't acknowledge it, I think they can pull off anything.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've noticed Elon, as much as he jokes around, never says he's autistic. Yeah.
Gabriel Iglesias
So then you can always make the case where. Well, you know, he's a little Asperger's. Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Well, whatever. Whatever it is.
Gabriel Iglesias
I mean, Estonia, though.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dr. Red band making his diagnosis it's called the spectrum now.
Gabriel Iglesias
Yes.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Say anyway. All right. How's life been going? Good.
Ari Mannis
Yeah, Good.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I actually. Asheville was super. It was actually a beautiful spot. I loved it. Wait, what? That was all one word. Asheville, Ash. Asheville, North Carolina. Yes, North Carolina. It was actually beautiful. Lots of hills, lots of pretty women, you know, o those country girls, you know, with calluses. Wait, what was that? Oh, you could feel it. A rough hand job in. Oh, my goodness. A rough one. I love it. I needed some relief too. They have those working lady hands there, huh?
Gabriel Iglesias
Yeah, the exfoliators.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, yeah. They have, like, thick necks. They do. A thick neck, yeah. Wow. I love a. They can, like, carry me out of a fire. It's funny to think. It's funny to think that next week there's going to be some blatantly. That girl in Asheville is going to be watching this performance. She's just going to be like, God damn it, my hands and my neck are insecurities to me. God, my th.
Gabriel Iglesias
Neck me off like this.
Tony Hinchcliffe
You're going to come, boy. I was like this. I am. It's a shame. Nobody's gonna see this because they stopped watching after all the Nazi salutes. Now we only have the cool people. It's true. That is true. Actual comedy fans. I love it, Ari. My God. So funny. Asheville, North Carolina. Yeah, she was awesome. What else you got? A real Texas shirt. Making sure you don't get Texas. I love it. Making sure you don't get deported this week. I gotta practice my accent, dude. Ice is out to get me. I am from Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. That's what I say. Just like everyone else from Texas.
Gabriel Iglesias
I don't know that he could get deported, like, maybe to, like, Dallas. Yeah, they're not really gonna kick him out.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'd rather you just send me to Estonia. Anything but Dallas. It's like Asheville without the calluses.
Gabriel Iglesias
Did you start off doing stand up in Estonia?
Tony Hinchcliffe
Because I know you went there. I was at the show. I was on the second balcony so far.
Gabriel Iglesias
You were there at my show in Estonia.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Yeah, I remember. It was awesome. You did a lot of jokes and then you left. By the way, you left boxes and boxes because my former manager, Louis. See ya. He's great.
Ari Mannis
Shout out, Louis. I love you.
Tony Hinchcliffe
He brought you out and I remember you had a lot of merch that you just left. I've never seen a performer just. You left boxes.
Gabriel Iglesias
I left merch box. Don't do that.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Boxes. You actually do leave merch. I still have Two bottles of Fluffy Cholula. That's Tapatio. And I fucking love, love it. And I swear to God I even had the look on the thing cuz I swear it tastes better than actual tap.
Gabriel Iglesias
No, but where do we need the money?
Tony Hinchcliffe
You left that here. You left it here at the mothership. You left some in Estonia right now. So many. This is the look of a man that is finding out he has left $9.5 million worth of marriage all over the world. Somebody screen grabbed that look he had on his Facebook.
Gabriel Iglesias
What person gets fired?
Tony Hinchcliffe
I'd have to.
Brian Redban
Your.
Tony Hinchcliffe
I left it here. Dude, you left so many boxes of T shirts. Dude, there's children in Estonia running around.
Matt Muling
With fluffy T shirt.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Dude, there's. We gave hundreds of T shirts. Countries. Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy. You know who else is running around is merch guy up on that balcony right now. Like, oh, I've been living my dreams, me. I didn't want to carry that back to the van. You're so rich, dude. You don't even need it, dude. You don't even need it, bro. You could be performing on a box in Bakersfield. You have it so good, dude. What do you need that Tapatio for? Dude, look, dude, it's more expensive to. I found out it's more expensive to ship it to the next game. He's going to. You're about to. To hear. You're. You're about to hear the most Mexican accounting of your life. Dude, I would ship it to the next city, but I'd lose my finger. Dude, UPS is up. Fluffy, please. Fluffy, please. Fluffy. I'll make it up to you. It's only $11.8 million, dude. It's all over the world. I can get it back, bro. I'll make some calls. Oh, God. It is so funny to think literally one of the top selling comedians in the world. Like this is like a guy that like Forbes and right, this is. This is like it. And he's finding out he has merch all over the world.
Gabriel Iglesias
You understand? I'm going to play this video in someone's review at the end of the year. Right there, there's somebody going to get called into one office and I'm going to be like, just hit play. Like, really? Estonia?
Ari Mannis
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe
If you go to a Gabriel Glacier show, don't buy the merch. Just wait. The next day, near the arena back entrance, we give that away like we're in Africa, dude. Absolutely unbelievable. Make some noise for Ari. Maddie. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. To Shopify and talk Space the drawing from Ryan J. E Belt is in and it is unbelievable. Let's see what Chris Rogers did. It was Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. I have to ask for a favor. How loud can this place get? For his first time on panel, Gabriel Iglesias, ladies and gentlemen, Fluffy. Check out the Legend of Fluffy now on Netflix. One of his many, many specials. Shopify Talk space. Thank you all. Red Man. Check out the Sunset Strip. ATX.com I love you guys. One more time, but the best MBN in the land, Matt Muling, John de Madness, Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo and Big Mike Michael Gonzalez. Thank you. We love you. Watch the Legend of Fluffy if you haven't already. And all of his great specials. We love you. Good night, everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin.
Gabriel Iglesias
Texas is now open.
Tony Hinchcliffe
Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.
Gabriel Iglesias
Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Podcast Summary: Kill Tony Episode #703 – Featuring Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias
Podcast Information:
The episode kicks off with an enthusiastic introduction of the esteemed guest, Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, hailed by Tony as "one of the greatest comedians in the world." The hosts set a vibrant tone, expressing their excitement to welcome Gabriel to the Kill Tony universe.
Notable Quote:
Tony and Gabriel engage in light-hearted banter about their recent activities, including watching pro wrestling together. They discuss the live recording environment, highlighting the presence of the house band and the energetic audience in Austin.
Notable Quote:
The segment transitions to introducing various audience members ("bucket pool winners") who are invited on stage for live interviews and quick comedic performances. Gabriel actively participates by interacting with guests, offering feedback, and enhancing the comedic atmosphere.
Notable Interaction:
Throughout the episode, multiple guests join the stage, each sharing outrageous and humorous anecdotes. Gabriel serves as both a moderator and a comedic foil, ensuring the interactions remain lively and entertaining.
Highlights:
Jason Vest's Wild Stories [33:00 – 46:00]: Jason shares bizarre experiences, including accidental encounters and unconventional exploits, prompting hearty laughter and reactions from Gabriel.
Notable Quote:
Tim Hanlon's Muay Thai Experience [15:00 – 18:00]: Tim discusses his nickname from Muay Thai classes, adding depth to his character and eliciting humorous exchanges.
Notable Quote:
Jason Vest's Admission and Gabriel's Response [46:00 – 62:00]: Gabriel validates Jason's stories, blending genuine support with comedic remarks.
Notable Quote:
Interactions with Other Comedians [62:00 – 80:00]: Comedians like Yale Reams and Rob Edwards share personal stories and comedic material, with Gabriel offering insightful and humorous commentary.
Notable Quote:
The episode is peppered with memorable quotes that highlight the comedic chemistry between the hosts, Gabriel, and the guests.
As the show progresses, the interactions become more dynamic, with Gabriel often stepping in to support or amplify the humor. The hosts maintain a balance between guiding the session and allowing guests to shine, with Gabriel's presence adding an extra layer of comedic flair.
Notable Quote:
The episode wraps up with closing remarks from the hosts, thanking Gabriel for his participation and highlighting upcoming events and specials. The camaraderie between the hosts and guest leaves listeners with a sense of community and anticipation for future episodes.
Notable Quote:
Engaging Guest Presence: Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias plays a pivotal role in enhancing the show's dynamic, seamlessly interacting with both the hosts and the myriad of guests.
Vibrant Audience Interaction: The live audience adds energy, with guests often sharing wild and humorous stories that keep the content lively and unpredictable.
Comedic Chemistry: The interplay between Tony, Red, Gabriel, and the guests creates a rich tapestry of humor, balancing scripted segments with spontaneous comedic moments.
Diverse Content: From personal anecdotes and stand-up bits to playful teasing, the episode offers a varied and entertaining listening experience.
For those unfamiliar with Kill Tony, Episode #703 serves as an excellent introduction to the show's format—blending live stand-up comedy, interviews, and audience participation. Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias' appearance is a standout, showcasing his comedic prowess and ability to elevate the show's energy.
Remember: This summary focuses solely on the content-rich segments of the episode, omitting advertisements, intros, and outros to provide a clear and comprehensive overview of the main discussions and interactions.