Tony Hinchcliffe (0:00)

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the HEB center here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony H. CL who's ready for the best night of their lives. Yippee. What the is up HB Center? Welcome, welcome. Make some noise for the great Brian Red Band, everybody. What a Monday night delight this is. What's up everyone. Welcome. How about a hand for the best damn band in the land? Raul Vallejo. Fernando Castillo. Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande. The great Michael Gonzalez, AKA Big Mike on the drums. Joining us tonight, the great and powerful Marcus King on guitar. Unbelievable. Matt Muhling also on the electric John Dees on the keys. And that is indeed the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar, everyone. Holy moly. How exciting is this? How many of you traveled to be here in Austin, Texas tonight? You know, everybody says it, everybody says it, but I really mean it. We have the best damn fans in the world. True fans of real comedy, the backbone of free speech here in the greatest country on planet planet Earth. Isn't it amazing that we could get together to hear some filthy fucking chaos on a Monday night? Sold out arena second Annual Sold out arena the night before New Year's Eve. I'm fucking pumped you guys know how it works. Before we get it started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Guys, are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, size, style, setting, cut, color, clarity, carat. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than Bluenile.com Redban Tony I love Blue Nile. At Bluenile.com, you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine. At a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. You're so right, Redban. You know, since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Your surprise will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, even delivered overnight, Blue nile has a 100% satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and returns so you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get $50 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code Tony at bluenile.com.com that's $50 off with code Tony at bluenile dot com blue nile dot com Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one assistance. Switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms@mintmobile.com Live from Radio City Music hall, it's the SNL50 homecoming concert featuring performances by Arcade Fire, the B52, Backstreet Boys, Bad Bunny, Bonnie Raitt, Brittany Howard, Randy Carlisle, Chris Mart, Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Devo, Eddie Vedder, Jack White, Jelly Roll, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Mumford and Sons, Post Malone, the Roots and more. Celebrating 50 years of SNL music. February 14th at 8pm Eastern. Catch it live on Peacock. Tonight's episode is brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. We love them. Our longest standing sponsors here in Austin, Texas. They're somewhere in one of the suites. Shout out to Jonathan and all of our great friends over there. And they are having a special deal at the Yellow Rose tonight. If you show them your ticket stub from tonight, no cover charge at the Yellow Rose. How cool is that? So laughter, fat tits in your face, you get it all. What's better than that? I get that every time I sit next to Red Band. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what, huh? Well, tonight we have three guests, ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna bring them out one by one. Does that sound like fun or what? Your first guest has this year, taking the show over by goddamn storm, instantly becoming one of our favorite guests in the entire show's history. Makes some goddamn noise. You know him from a lot of your favorite movies, his podcast, and the unbelievable appearances on Kill. Tony, make some noise for the great Harlan Williams. Oh, my God. An instant legend. There he is. You want to say something? Go ahead, say something. Tony, thanks for having me here. And I just want to say I have seven brothers and sisters. My brother Chris, who I hate, he's here tonight in the top. He told me he was suicidal. Jump, you prick. Have fun tonight. And Wang Chung tonight. Let's go. Harlan Williams, your second guest is not only a hall of famer on this show, not only, I mean, he's just taken over the entire industry this year of comedy, but he is still, as of this day, the current reigning president of the United States of America. This is Joe Biden. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Whoa, Wobbly legs, Biden. Unbeliev. Joe Biden is here. Oh, whoa. Those. Those knees are holding strong. Someone's been chilling on beaches. I'm on nad CBD and hpv. Joe Biden has arrived. Good to see America. I got a catheter in my. Tony, make this quick. You. Good to see you, Carlos. One more guest. Austin legend. A man who I can't even believe was able to fit it in his schedule. Probably the one of the busiest human beings on planet earth. One of our favorite comedians, the legend who got this whole Austin, Texas started, it is Joe Rogan. Oh, yes. This is Kill Tony. This is about to go down. Three legends of the panel of this show. We're all here. Doesn't get much better than this on a Monday night. We have a bucket filled with hundreds of names. The comedians are all around us somewhere. I don't know if there's a section there they are back there. I'm going to pre pull a name. You guys know how this works. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And I think we have a West Hollywood bear. There he is. It's Drew Nickens tonight, everybody. That's the real Drew Nickens. How about a hand for Drew, everyone? And While we wrangle that first comedian, we will get it started with a brand new minute. I think we should get it started with a bang. Huh? What do you guys think? Some people think you should make a show like this, where it builds the whole time and gets bigger and bigger. I like the. I'll ask again. Should we start it with some fucked up crazy shit? Well, then I'm gonna bring up one of the greatest regulars in the entire history of the show here with a brand new minute. Trul Truly, one of the top rising comedians in the world. This is a brand new minute from the one and only Cam Patterson. Why I gotta follow the Star Spangled Banner? This crazy now. You know, I went back home for Christmas. It was great. My favorite thing about Christmas, I got a little money now, so I like to go give homeless people food and shit. But I like to play games with them. So I went and got 100 pieces of chicken wings, and I went to a park with a bunch of homeless people and I gave all the chicken wings to one homeless nigga. And I called it Cam's Hunger Games. Made the eyes be in your favor, nigga. My favorite thing was I realized that me and my family, we can't play charades. We don't play it right. It's not a good game for my family. Cause charades, you can't really talk. You gotta just act shit out. And my uncle got a card, and this all he did, I swear to God, he just went. And then my auntie went, 2004? What the fuck that mean? I have no idea. My grandma just said cocaine. And then nobody got it right. And I picked the card up in the car, said penthouse. And I said, how did that even make sense to be a penthouse? And my uncle went, you don't get it. We got cocaine, strippers, and you upstairs. That my time. I do that. Cam Patterson. What's up? How's it going, my friend? I'm good. This is crazy. It is. The arena thing is becoming casual. Yeah. How do you feel? I feel great. I got slides on right now. Nigga, life is good. Like, pretty great, man. You do have slides on every time. Nigga, we did Madison Square Garden, but this shit pretty cool, though. Yeah. It is basically the heb Garden. There is his feet tight shit, covered in socks. Thank God. You can almost tell by the shape of the socks that there's some weird shit going on with those feet. I was finna get a pedicure, but my toes need armor. I realized that. Yeah, your toes need what? Armor. Armor. Yeah. Spell that word. Fuck you, Harlan. What do you think about the young buck? I was gonna ask, bro, that whole run you did about the chicken in the park. Yeah? Is there any chicken left? Cause daddy's starving. Okay. Yeah. I would just say the weirdest man. Yeah. Coming from a guy who's dressed like he works at a strip club in a video game. Do you sell cocaine, Joe Biden? Why you dress like that? Because I got this on Teemu. Spell it. I can spell that. I can spell that real easy. T, E, M, U. Very good. I spell bucket phenomenally. Joe Biden got his outfit off Timo Timu. He also got his vice president off Teemu as well. Wait a minute. This is Biden? I thought this was Arnold Palmer, for Christ's sake. In your dreams. Huh? The tea. The who? The T. What's the full sentence? It's a tea. Oh, the tea and lemonade. It's a tea and lemonade. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Arnold Palmer was also a human being. He wasn't just tea. He was a golfer who liked lemonade mixed with ice tea. Iced tea and lemonade. It's like not the wrapper, the beverage. Lemonade. It's like a lemon flavored Kool Aid, if you will. And iced tea is a drink, not just a wrapper. I know iced tea is. Okay. Sometimes I translate things for you. Would you call me the N word on my birthday next year? You're not gonna be here next year. That's your opinion. That's. You know what? You know what? No, that was hilarious. You won yourself a fruit by the foot. Tight. I love it. Cam, what else is going on? Not really. I did a show this weekend. My cousin brought her boyfriend and she 22 and he 36, so we were trying to figure that out. I thought about killing him, but he was scary, so we couldn't do that. Yeah, that wasn't a good option. Have you. You met him already? I just met him. Yeah, I met him this weekend. What was that like? It was strange. Cause he threatened to kill her brother, which is my other cousin. And I didn't know how to talk to that. You know what I'm saying? So that's going on right now. Wow, there's a lot going on. I don't know what. I can't even make that funny. That's just. What? What's that in your hand? He gave me a fruit by the foot. The old president. He just gave me a fruit by the foot. Yeah, when it. When you leave the Oval Office, they give you a Bunch of snacks. And they. That's a retirement home. Huh? Nothing. They told me. They said, give a fruit by the foot to your favorite new black guy. You got it, baby. Buy you some shoes for your birthday. I won't eat that, man. Ron Jeremy does the quality control on those. Who is that? He makes iced tea. Patterson. You have gotten this show officially started with the new minute. And now we roll to the Bucket, the backbone of the show, where we've met every comedian who's ever been on it. It all starts with the luck of a draw. These arena pools have notoriously always been rough. Oh, my goodness. When I hear the pop of the crowd, I know it's gotta be the one. Heidi. There she is. Live in the flesh. It is indeed bucket pool number one. And it goes by the name. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Bill Rhodes, everyone. Bill Rhodes is first here on Kill Tony, live from the Heb Center. What's up, guys? Did you guys know that in Texas alone we have eight indoor shooting ranges? That's a lot. They're easy to find. All you have to do is Google public schools. I don't condone public school shootings. I was a teacher for 11 years. Thank you. Out of. Out of 11 years. Nine years my students voted me favorite teacher. Two years, my peers nominated me to be the teacher of the school year for the entire district. After talking to my peers and my students, the local police department started referring me as a person of interest. I'm not a teacher anymore because some bitch named Amy and Human Resources didn't think my comedy was as funny as everybody else. Fuck Amy and Human Resources. I know when you look at me, you're like, this guy definitely voted for Trump. After January 6th, I couldn't vote for Trump. That's a joke. If you're a federal law enforcement, I was teaching kids. If you're local law enforcement, I was nowhere near those kids. Guys. Thank you. Bill Rhodes. Welcome, Bill. How are you? You just confessed to a lot of half crimes there. Yes, sir. So what did you do? Anything? Actually, I got fired from my set on Kill Tony a year ago. You got what? I got fired from teaching over being on Kill Tony a year ago. So you did a set on Kill Tony? Yes, sir. That people saw it, reported you to the school. Yeah, Amy and Human Resources saw it. You're the Pflugerville guy, right? Hutto. I was that Hutto guy. So what exactly did you say that got you in trouble? Did they see your nipple piercings through your shirt? They're Not n piercings. I'm fat. These are terminals for my pacemaker. This guy's full of jokes. What exactly did they fire you for? I. When I was on before, I compared. I worked in the prison system, so I compared working with inmates to working with students. So basically I said the only way to get fired from either job is to fight one or one. Here. You get a fruit by the foot for that joke. Sweet. Whoa. Yeah, it's hilarious. President. Unbelievable. Looks like you've had a few football fields worth of fruit. It's funny. Some of my old football players are actually out here somewhere tonight. When you say old football players, what exactly do you mean? I was a coach. My son and some of his. Were you really a coach or is like the. Are you just saying you're a coach? Like the. Wow. Yeah. Tim Waltz. I forgot his name and I love that I already forgot that guy's name. Tim Waltz said that he was a football coach. Turns out he wasn't. I was legit. Can I see your titty flashers again? Dude, it looks like you had your stomach stapled and they missed. What exactly made you want to get your nipples, Pierce? Midlife crisis. I don't know. How long have you had those through your nips? About maybe a year. Wow. Who made you do it? Was it when you got fired from being a teacher because of being on Kill Tony? Yeah. Really? Well, no, I actually. I got it done during the school year my last year teaching. What do your kids think about them? My daughter was with me when I got them done. That's weird. You should go to jail. Yeah. Yeah. How old's your daughter? She's 16. I took her to get her nose pierced and she was like, I bet you won't get your nipples pierced. Wow, what a white trash off you and your daughter were having there. Jesus Christ. What's your daughter's only fans? Red band. Hey, hey, hey. Come on, come on. Red band. You can't ask what is your daughter's only. Send me the link. Call me in two years. Okay, Very good. Give me my fruit by the foot back. No, you can keep it. So what are you doing for work nowadays? Bill Rhodes. I think it's obvious. He's a Greek sponge fisherman. Yeah, that, and I do comedy now. Full time. Yes, sir. And where do you get paid to do comedy? I've been Fort Lauderdale, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Oklahoma. Little Rock, Arkansas. Okay. I love it. I love it. And what else has been going on? When you've been. How do you feel the daytime that you used to spend in schools? Are you still on that same sleep schedule now that you're no longer a teacher and a full time comedian? I. I get up. I fish in my spare time when I have time. My wife works from home, so I get to spend time with her too. Now more time with her. How long have you been with your wife? We're coming up on five years. Five years. How long haven't you been with your wife? 39. That's right. You're right. That's correct. So when you came home with nipple piercings, was your wife excited about it? Yeah, she's into it. Did she suck on them? Yeah. Let's cut to a clip. Oh, we don't have it. Are you on my only fans? What'd you say to me? I like your mojo. You're a good American. Working hard. Appreciate you. What do you love about comedy? Say that again. What do you love about comedy? I get to sit up here and just talk and have fun. Enjoy making people laugh. Well, how does it feel being in an arena? This is great. Like, I graduated high school like three miles away from here at Leander High School, so it's cool just being in my hometown. Look at that. I thought he was gonna say, graduated high school three months ago. It would have all made sense. Dude, would you do us all a favor? Like, I feel really selfish, but would you mind turning around and showing the crowd the muffin top on the back of your head? Let's see it. Wow, look at that. You should get that pierced. You should get that buttered and then pierced and then let Joe Biden sniff it. That is quite the flap. Have you ever tried to stick anything fun back there? I used to hold a pencil back there sometimes when I was a teacher. Let's cut to a clip. Seems like it would work. I want to see if we could fit a medium joke book in there. Can you see if. Can you put it in there and. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. You know what? Just for that, you're getting a big joke. Thank you, Tony. There he goes, Bill Rhodes, the first bucket pool of the night. And like that, it has begun. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Guys, are you popping the big question? Sure. It's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement. Ratio, shape, size, style, setting, cut, color, clarity, carrot. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to Learn fast. There's no better place to start than blue nile.com Redbin Tony I love Blue Nile. At blue nile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find out. A traditional jeweler. You're so right, Redback. You know that since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Your surprise will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, even delivered overnight, Blue nile has a 100% satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and returns so you can make sure sure the ring you pick is the one. And because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. Right now, get 50 off your first purchase of 500 or more with code Tony at bluenile.com.com that's $50 off with code Tony at bluenile dot com blue nile dot com this podcast is sponsored by Bluechew. My friends have better sex with Bluechew. Bluechew is the original brand offering chewable tablets. These erection enhancing tablets help men achieve stronger, harder and longer lasting erections for sexual activities. Bluetooth is putting its money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. The process is simple. Sign up@bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Bluechew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arrives. The best part? It's all done online. 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Because this young buck who's going to do a new minute, put his golden ticket on the line a year ago versus Hans Kim and lost in a best out of three super tournament minute by minute competition. This is the long awaited return of former golden ticket holder, Rick Diaz. All right. I went to a nightclub and the waitress told me, be careful because people have been getting drugged. And I was like, oh, no. Then I went to the toilet and at the urinal next to me, there was a guy peeing. And he was staring right at my dick. And I noticed because I was staring right into his eyes. We don't talk much in my family. We don't talk much. We don't even have a group chat. I tried to set up the group chat, but everyone in my family was like, there's already a group. I dated a girl for a while and one day she gave me a 20 by 20 Rubik's Cube. 20 by 20. And she told me, if you manage to solve this, I will suck your dick. It took me all night to unglue and reglue. Thank you very much, Rick Diaz. It's been a long time, Rick. How's it going? It's been a long time, sir. Welcome, welcome, welcome. You look exactly the same. Just as thin and malleable as ever. I am beautiful, breakable piece of human flesh. I am very brittle. Absolutely. I don't know what it is with your physique, but I want to make love to you in a corn maze. This can be arranged. I was fucking around, guy. I was not. Okay, what time and what field, I will find it. Will find it. I'll send you a John Deere letter. Oh, please, sir, do so. I love it. So, Rick, what's been going on? Anything crazy? A few things have been going on. I went shooting guns for the first time. How far back did you blast? First shot, bam. Dislocated my shoulder. Yeah, they made me fill out a mental health questionnaire. And according to American gun laws, I'm stable. So was the guy before his tits. That's mean. I thought Canadians were nice. Wrong. President Biden, what do you think about America's current gun laws? Hey, well, you know, everybody's got a, you know, your body, your choice. Right? Right. I mean, clearly. Look at you. You look like Gumby. What's Your diet, like what you have, what you have for breakfast this morning. What did you have for dinner two years ago? Nothing. What does your cum look like? Transparent. No further questions. Tony, I love it. Well, what else? Anything else? Rick, I have some news. Okay. Yeah. Thanks to you and Redband and Harland, I can now work in the United States. Wow, look at that. Yeah, it's all thanks to you. I tried to reach out. I was, you know, doing all my paperwork and all the application, and I wanted to message you to update you on how I was doing before I got my papers. And then I see you at the Trump rally and I'm like, oh no, I'm getting deported before I got ported. Yeah, but the thing is, to come to the country, you have to go through immigration lawyers. And the first law firm I got in touch with refused to work with me because they said that Tony Hinchcliffe is a racist. And they wrote a little letter. Do you want me to read it? No, we're okay. All right. It's a good letter. Is it a good letter? Yeah. Okay, sure, read the letter. All right. It's definitely nothing I've never heard before. How long is this letter? No, I got it. Don't worry about it. It's got to be short and enough. My staff recognized that your primary purpose for coming to America is to work with Tony Hinchcliffe. Sorry. Redban, apparently co creating the biggest podcast in the world was not recognized by these people. Yeah, Tony Hinchcliff, a comedian whose work has a strong connection to racist material. Tony is not racist. He's about as racist as he's gay. It's actually true. I see. Met from far away. Then you get to know me. Yeah. And I'm not at all. Quite the opposite. Exactly. I actually asked Chad GPT is Tony Hinscliffe racist? And chatgpt said there's no sufficient evidence to support the claim that Tony Hinchcliffe is racist. Uh huh. That's good. Here comes a twist then. I also asked about Red Band. Okay. And Chad GPT said there's no sufficient evidence to support the claim that Brian Redban is a comedian. Oh my God, look at that. Oh, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward. I owed you one. This guy's gotten cocky since he's legal, huh? Yeah. You watch it. I got two more weeks in office. I could get you deported. Motherfucker, you just closed the government. So. Huh, that's three hours ago news. Sorry. You don't know what you're doing. So is that the end of the letter? Now you want more Is there more? A little more. Is it worth it? It's pretty worth it. Okay, Rick Diaz finishing the letter. Any second now. Yeah. As an employer, I do not want my staff to have an ongoing relationship with his staff. Well, which is crazy. Obviously, they had no idea that Heidi was working on the show. Because we all want an ongoing relationship. Yeah. And Heidi is now getting a restraining order. Yeah. Is that it, Rick? I have two more. Okay, let's go. Jesus Christ. I know, I know. I wish you the best in your work and aspirations in the American market, the market that is most befitting for your art. I guess the most befitting American market for my art is a motherfucking arena. Yeah, screw that law firm. Exactly. You almost had a bunch of stupid liberal lawyers. Yeah, then I found lawyers that wanted money. Well, Rick, you did it. You made your return. Congratulations. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Appreciate you. Back we go. Great job. Wonderful, Great job. All right, your next bucket. Pool. Bucket pool number two. Goes by the name. Oh, there's the great Valerie Vaughn. Heidi with some drinks. You gotta love it. These ladies have been with us through many arenas. Now, how about another hand for Heidi and Valerie, huh? All right, your next bucket pull. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Thomas E. Miller. Thomas E. Miller, everybody. And here we go. One more time for Thomas Miller. Hey, Austin. I work in a massive warehouse. And my job is as a problem solver. And what I basically do is I'm the high priest of the Internet's most fucked up things. Basically, I come into work one day and I see this thing just staring at me through what I can only describe as an abyss of desire. I picked this thing up to try to figure out what the fuck it is. And I kid you not, it's 65 pounds of just pure straight silicone. Sin I this thing. Hold on a second, Thomas. Guys, I forgot to say this earlier. Save your booze until the end of the set. Keep going, Thomas. It's also not Thomas, it's Jacob. Talk right into the. Talk right into the mic. Okay. You got his name. So there's. There's this giant. That was a very Thomas thing to do right there. Apparently so. Go ahead, David. Damn. Okay, okay. Digging myself a hole. So the warehouse I work out there was this. Yeah. So I. Yeah, I'll cancel it there. See if I can save myself in an interview. Come on. Thomas Latrane. Keep going, keep going. Okay, okay, so I. So you're Jacob Ackland. Yes. Is that correct? Yeah, I was thrown off. I Was like, Thomas. I was like, yeah, we pulled two names. Okay. And I guess we sent you out in the wrong order, so. Are you okay, man? You look like you're freaking out. Just. Yeah, a little bit. Have you ever done method? You know, maybe after tonight. Maybe after tonight you should try it out. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, it can only go once. I don't think I can get worse than this. You need some confidence. You need something to give you unreasonable confidence. I should have done a couple lines, I think, man. Yeah, just try it once. So, Jacob, let's talk about it. How long have you been attempting stand up comedy? You can probably guess. This is my first time. Okay, what did you try to talk about tonight? What was the goal? The goal? Right into the tip of the mic. Okay. So the goal was basically to talk about this sex story that I saw at work, and it was basically 65 pounds of just. What? Just. Just straight female bits. Basically high. High thigh to low torso. Wait a minute, 65 pounds? Yeah. I went to big. What the is it made out of? Just straight silicon. I don't know what they put in there to make it so heavy, but it is just straight silicone. I. The Amazon or the. I work at Amazon and I had to weigh that out. Not anymore. Yeah, yeah. Gotta have to find a new job. It's 65 pounds. Yeah. Or 65. I had to weigh it out because, like, problem solver, basically, I just have to make sure if something's at the wrong warehouse to send it to the right warehouse. You got to go to the correct rubber warehouse. Yeah. Apparently we only carry flashlights about this big, and we have to send it to the one next door that carries flashlights this big. So, you know, but the joke that I was getting at was basically, you try to take that through tsa, they'll stop you for having way too much liquid. Then you'll be sitting in the security line trying to scrape out the acid. Yeah. What the. Not it. Jake. Try. Try it. You sh. You sound like me on a couple melatonin. Y. Jacob, what do you do exactly for a living? I. I do work at Amazon. I'm just a warehouse associate. Not anymore. I. Yep, yep. Yeah. So what do you do for fun? I worked a lot before or when I had a job. I smoke. Jesus Christ. Yeah. What made you want to start stand up comedy tonight in an arena? Not having a joke, a story, any hobbies or anything about you in the world? What made you choose? Like, I'm gonna go up there and I'm gonna not show them. Yeah. Why do you, like, come up with this idea of, like, maybe if I go up there and do everything backwards, this will be great for everybody. Dude, dude. He doesn't need it. He's got personality. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, it was my first Kill Tony show. I kind of was riding a minute, or I thought I was, but there he goes, everybody. Jacob Ackland, you can't make it up. I implore you not to sign up for this show as a spur of the moment idea. Last second at a fucking arena. Just don't start on an arena, please. Good God. That's the American dream right there. They're playing funeral music. You gotta love nachos. Belgrande, the Mexican arm of the Kel Tony Band. We keep them all on a separate border over there. Oh, whoa. Mr. President, good day. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Guys, I'm a boss and hiring is important to me. According to research, a major challenge that many employers face is the pressure to hire quickly. And it's a tough hurdle to overcome because it's so time consuming to search for great candidates and sort through applications. Well, if you're an employer who can relate, I have one question for you. Have you tried ZipRecruiter? ZipRecruiter has figured out how to solve this very problem. In fact, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony Redban. Tony ZipRecruiter one of our oldest sponsors. We love ZipRecruiter they're the best hiring site out there. Did you know ziprecruiter is the hiring site employers prefer the Most based on G2. How fast the ZipRecruiter smart technology starts showing your job to qualified candidates immediately. That is nuts, Red Band. And I love nuts. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology works fast to find top talent so you don't waste time or money. See a candidate who'd be perfect for your job. You can use ZipRecruiter's pre written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates. So relax employers and let ZipRecruiter speed up your hiring. See for yourself. Just go to ziprecruiter.comkiltoni right now to try it for free. Free. That's the same price as a genuine smile from a stranger, a picture perfect sunset, or a cute dog running up to you and licking your hand again. That's ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire this podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Guys, are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, Size, Style, Setting, Cut, Color, Clarity? Carrot. If you're like most people, you may have no idea, but trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast. There's no better place to start than blue nile.com Redbien Tony I love Blue Nile. At blue nile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find out. A traditional jeweler. You're so right, Redback. 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He did so good that I said I want his first time in an arena to be tonight. 30th December 2024. This is one of the top future comedians. A buzzworthy door guy at the mothership. This is a brand new minute and the second ever appearance by Law Coger. Everyone. This is Law A whole different vibe than Jacob. So I'm glad. I'm glad schools are banning racist books because my white middle school teacher would read the N word out loud from a book he wrote. The Adventures of Huckle Nigger Nigga Nigger. Yeah. My favorite type of women are the ones with a lot of tattoos because I also have been molested. Yeah But I still believe in God. Like, one time I was about to fail a test, so I prayed to God not even 30 seconds later. Nine, 11. Thank you, God. Out. Lock. Coger. You did it. Those are jokes. Total opposite from Jacob Ackland, who is just on the stage. Yeah, what happened with that guy? He were. What? I said, what happened with him? It's not what happened, it's what's going to happen. Don't kill yourself, bro. By the way, he had a tattoo of you getting molested. Let's cut to a clip. Let's cut to a priest. Actually, it was a woman. What? It was. It was a young lady. You were molested by a young lady? It's called making out, dude. Yeah. Greatest day of my life. Was she older or younger than you? She was older than me. How much older? Like a senior. It was like she was probably like eight years older than me. I was like 11. Oh, so she was a teenager? Yeah. Wait, she was what? Whoa, dude, you were molested by an underage girl? I was an underage boy. An underage boy? Yeah. So she was trans. What the hell's he talking? I was a little kid. I understood him better. La. So she was eight years older than you? Is that what you said? Yeah. So she was like. Yeah, she was like 18, 19. What exactly did she do to you? Oh, she the greatest head. Wow. And you were 11? Yeah, I was. You know, like when you growing up, you in the hood and shit. I know all about it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I remember getting my dick sucked by 18 year olds when I was 11. Let's cut to a clip. I can airdrop it to you. Okay. Law, what's your love life like nowadays? It's pretty trash, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah? Yeah. I think I have autism. What does that mean? You know, just socially awkward. Everybody got autism? Yep. Thank you, Dr. Fauci. Oh, God. Have you always felt this way? Nah. I mean, I got a. I got an uncle who's like very, very autistic and we act just alike. How much older was he than you? Oh, that guy's like. That guy's like 70 years old. Okay, so. Could still happen. Keep it in the family. No, thanks, I'm busy. La. You've been killing it on this show. Appreciate it. Fun. How's everything else going in life? How were your holidays? They were terrible, actually. Tell us about it. Yeah, I don't do shit. I just read books. I just read books. I cry. Whoa, whoa. What do you cry about? Forrest Gump. The ending? Nah. Huckleberry Finn. The ending? Nah. I just be chilling. Like, I don't really be doing, like, nothing crazy. What was the last book you read, Yo? All right, it was called Yo. That'd be a great book. Who wrote it? The Hulk? I've been reading. My last book was a romance novel. Really? What's that guy? I read a romance novel. You read a romance model called Y.O. no, it wasn't. It wasn't called YO. I've been trying to get, like, my banter up. Well, you might want to start with words with more than two letters. Yeah. So. So what was YO about? What was the book about? What was the romance novel book about? It was about, like, you know, like you just meeting somebody. Like, it was a woman who met a guy at, like, this coffee shop. Some, you know, high school love affair. Fifty Shades of Gray. Pretty close. Pretty close. And, yeah, they just ended up just fucking. Wow, how romantic. What a book sounds like. Sounds like the dream. Dream. Sure it wasn't the Bernstein Bears and Bears? Was it black people? No, it was pretty disappointing, actually. It was a book about white people. Yes. And you're just sitting there reading it. I'm just sitting there reading it. I. I picture them to be black. Right, Me too. Yeah, that's what. That's what. That's what Disney does with all the movies nowadays days. Exactly. White characters. All right. Well, well, Law. How did it feel? Your first time in an arena? Yeah, it felt great. You know, it's cool. You. You did it, Law. You handled it well. Law. Coger. Ladies. Appreciate you. Appreciate you guys. And it keeps moving along. Ooh, this looks like a fun new name. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket. Bucket pole. Goes by the name of Deepak Sahota. Deepak Sahota, Bucket. Poll number three is Deepak Sahota. Here he is. Everybody make some noise for Deepak, everyone. So the government has been real hush hush about the drones. Is it aliens, China, or is Biden looking for his son? He just got pardoned and already gone. We all know that animals are evolving. Coyotes have learned how to drive and started a lucrative human trafficking business. As you grow older, it gets difficult to find your inner child. Especially if you had an abortion. All right, I'm gonna cut you off right there, Deepak. You know, it's crazy. I meet so many kids, Kill Tony fans everywhere. I meet so many people that say they're going to the show. I meet people that say they're signing up for this show. I never meet anybody as crazy as you. And Jacob. That have been pulled two out of the three bucket pools. Rambling conspiracy theorists. How are you? Deepak, have you ever done comedy before? I. This is my first comedy appearance. We're not surprised. These people. Yeah, but what you don't realize is he's been in movies. Do you recognize him? He was E.T. no. He was the yellow villain in Sin City. Remember that? He was. That's a great call. Yeah. Hey, better than. I get Dobby a lot. Yeah. You get who a lot? What, Dobby? Gobby. Who the hell's Gobby? Harry Potter. Dobby from Harry Potter? I don't watch girl movies. Gollum schmele. All of these things are acceptable answers us. Hey, for. Can I. Can I address the whole drone thing? Yeah, yeah, please do. First of all, I enjoyed your slam poetry. Oh, it's funny. The abortion thing was funny. Your body, your choice. But look, the drones. It's just me having a little bit of fun before I leave office. Who cares if they fly a little low? They sniff your head? They finger your butt? Come on, it's a free country. Are you afraid of drones? You're afraid of robots. What's your favorite color? You don't need to answer any of the president's questions. Let me ask you this. Plead the fifth. Oh, okay. Thank you. Deepak, I have a question for you. You kind of have, like, crazy eyes. They're going back and forth, left to right. I don't know if we have a shot of Tony. I'm happy you asked that. Oh, okay. Why don't we show the people? Why don't you look out at that camera? You see that big red dot out there? Not at the humans. Deepak, look at the camera. Nope. Down, middle, up, up. No, Deepak, look at straight ahead. Those red lights. Straight ahead. See that? No, look straight out. Deepak. No, not. Oh, my. Look at the screen. This guy's completely insane. Right there. Stare at it. No, keep looking at it. Deepak, look at the red light right there. Lift your head up straight. Deepak. It's kind of tilted. There you go. You guys getting that? That wobbly eye that I'm seeing there? It's like he's constantly looking at a mosquito. Yeah, Biden just. President, I'm terrified. First of all, let's go to our senior medical correspondent, Joe Rogan. What do you think that is? If I was a referee, I'd stop the fight. Like, son, you can fight another day and it is all over. So I can elaborate if you like light. Yes. Let's hear about this So I was born with a medical condition called nystagmus. It is the involuntary movement of the eye so they do shake. As a result of that. I have low vision. I am legally blind. Do you know how to play the bass guitar? People are fucking booing that you're legally blind. You guys are so vicious. Fuck your vision. Damn. If Helen Keller walked out here, they'd stone her to death. This is an anti blind, pro autism audience. We have here tonight who loves autism on the spectrum. Are you on any medication? Say that once again. Are you on any medication? No, there is no medication. You should get on. Dr. Rogan, any recommendations? Edibles as strong as you can tolerate. Let's find out what's really going on behind those eyes. Deepak, what do you do for work currently, I am a educator. What kind of educator are you? Reading and writing. You know what? You know what he'd be great at, though? A referee. A referee at a tennis match. That's true. More like ping pong. Cuz those eyes just keep going back and forth. You'd be the best in the game, and I want to be with you in an earthquake. You would be very calming. You'd be the only guy in the room with your eyes not moving around. If he ever gets Parkinson's, no one will ever know. I know. Does the eyeball thing become a problem when you date? No, they. When I'm looking at you, nothing's shaking. You're seeing shaking. I'm seeing something stable. However, my vision is 20 over 150, so I do got to get closer to see everything more clearly. Is Harlan moving right now? He looks like he's pleasuring himself. Whoa. You ever been in a corn maze? What I meant by, is it a problem dating? Like, how do other people feel about it? They're like, do they have a problem getting close to you? Yeah, they're like that. Once more. Do other people have a problem getting close to you with your fucking crazy eyes? Yes, it is. I'm told it's very intimidating when I do make eye contact with people. I don't think intimidating is the right word. Like, my eyes do the same thing every time Heidi comes out. They were doing the same thing backstage when I was waiting. What's. What's the. What's the closest amount of eye contact you've had in the last 48 hours? Hit me with some slow, sweet music right now. Get up there, baby. Oh, here we go. President Joe Biden. We've seen this before, folks. We going to do a staring contest. Yeah, let's do it. You guys get to vote. The winner of this staring contest gets a fruit by the foot. Oh, here we are. The second time. Biden versus. What are the drones? There were no drones. It was Snooki's Uber eats order. It was your son, wasn't it? Where are you from? Austin. What's your favorite movie? Matrix. What's your favorite food? Pizza. What's the last time you said your own name during sex last night? Wow. There's something there. There's something behind these crazy eyes. Wow. Wow. I gotta tell you this. One of my favorite book tosses in the history of the show that's about to happen right now. Very rarely do I get to warn people how exciting this is about to be. You can't give him a book. The fucking guy can't read. I'm visually impaired, not illiterate. How many optometrists have you caused to commit suicide? Be honest. I plead the fifth. All right, Well, I plead the six. Fuck you. Okay, so the great people over at Prize Picks, we have found out, have set the over under. The odds of him catching this are plus 3500. Throw it that way. I am an unbelievably accurate. A famously accurate joke book thrower. And now I will hit the chest of Deepak. Stay right there. You ready? Come on, Deepak. Here we go. Yeah, here he goes. Legally blind, my ass. Wow. Yeah. You want to see legally blind? I'll show you legally blind. Watch this. That's legally blind right there. No sex right off D. Madness's elbow. There he goes. Deepak Sahota. Later, Deepak. Legally blind. This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. During tax season, your personal info travels to a lot of places. Between payroll, your tax consultant, and the IRS. If your W2 gets exposed, that's just the ticket for identity thieves. That's why Lifelock monitors millions of data points every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Don't let identity thieves take you for a ride. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply. Fall in love with low prices. All in the Fred Meyer app. Buy two. Get three free on delicious 12 packs of Coca Cola, Pepsi or 7Up. Then find low prices on thousands of items like sparkling ice water, Kroger brand chips and more, all with your car. Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to download the Fred Meyer app to save big today. Fred Meyer, fresh for everyone. Prices and product Availability subject to change restrictions apply. See site for details. That was fun. We have a golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen. And this is a very, very special golden ticket winner. You know this young lady very well. One of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. First time in an arena. From Nashville, Tennessee, this is Fiona Cauley. Everybody make some noise for Fiona, everyone. Baby girls, first arena. Is that really cool to give someone a standing ovation? Marlon, you gotta wait. This is the. One more time, everybody, for Fiona Cauley, everyone. So people, they are very curious about my dating life because I think it's hard for them to imagine that someone would be willing to take all this on. But I'll let y'all know. Men fucking love women that but can't run away. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Rape. I just want to thank Tony for letting me be here. It's really surreal. Like, if 16 year old me could see me now, she'd be like, fiona, why the fuck are we in a wheelchair? Fiona Collie, her condition continues to progress just like her comedy. Both are accelerating at a great rate. How is your thing going? You look great and a great performer. I want one more time for Fiona. I was gonna say the same thing. She looks great. Especially wearing Joe Biden's lingerie. You're welcome. Figured you wouldn't miss it. Great job. Nice to see somebody else moving slow. Crushed it. Very funny. Thank you. Got a lot of spunk. Why don't you go over and sniffer, Double dare me. A triple dog dare. You get over there, Biden. You know you want to do it. Wow. Get over there and sniffer. Good. Some one's getting Biden. Get over there. Look at this mean green machine. Oh, yeah. A unbelievable. Snip them back. Snip them back. Oh, someone's getting a fruit by the Pointless. No, I ran out of fruit by the foot. Harlen, you got a pack of ultra ribbed condoms. Wow. I love ripped ribs. You got any barbecue sauce? It's so, so, so stupid. Ultra ribbed. I want barbecue sauce. I love ribs. What the. That's me. Stupid. So, Fiona, how's everything going? How was your travel? Here, here. It was better. I got a new wheelchair. Again? Hell yeah. You got new wheels. What are. What's the difference between that chair and the old chair? You got a cup holder there? Yep. I put a cup holder on all of them. Okay. Someone's got a drinking problem. Drinking and driving problem. There you go, Biden. Watch out for the reservoir. This this is the first time I've used a condom in 50 years. Joe Biden. You should cut a hole in it like your wife did. Oh, yeah, circumcise that microphone. Hey, look. Hey, America. I finally got a knife from Joe Rogan. Put that on your bingo card and it. Thanks, Joe. Unbelievable. True story. By the way, Jill did cut a hold of in a condom and fully lubricated microphone. It's hard to take them off. Yeah, you might want to insert it first. Don't tell me how to live my life. Oh, my God. Wow. Where's that blind kid? I can throw it to him. Don't think it's a hot air balloon. You're so funny. What is the update on this new wheelchair? What's your max speed on that thing? It's actually slower, but it is American made, so hell yeah, they'll fix it so this one can be fixed. Yeah, I love it. I can't. But the. Yep, it's a shame it's slower. If it was faster than your old one, I'd say you could stage dive here tonight. But there's a bit of a barrier there between you and the audience. I'll do my best. No, no, it's okay. I know how that'll go. That'll be a. That'll be a sad fall right off the front. Have you ever sat on the joystick of that wheelchair? Oh, red band. Why do you do this, Brian? Stick. I took the blow to that one one haring through it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Nope, don't. Nope, don't. No, that's okay. Just put it down. Nope, don't put it the down. Put it. Nope, don't do that. There you go. Great stuff. Physical comedy during a podcast. That's a disgusting question, by the way. Have you ever sat on the joystick of your wheelchair? Okay, that's why they call it a joystick. That's true. That is true. Anything else crazy going on, Fiona? Oh, man. I just recovered from a concussion. Whoa. How is that even possible? It seems like out of all the people that will not get a concussion, it should be you. Someone stable in a chair that probably gets laid down softly into a bed at night. What happened? I think it all comes back. Back to the joystick. Too much joy in that stick, you know? Yeah. What happened? I was in a handicap stall wearing these shoes, and I fucking fell and smashed my head on the grab bar. The thing that's supposed to fucking protect me. Betrayal. Betrayal is what happened. Yeah. What did it feel like? The concussion? What did it feel like. Yeah. If you could describe it to us, it was the worst job interview I've ever been to. It felt like my dad. I'm just kidding. No, no, I'm fine. No one hit me, so I'm lying right now. Fiona, you're absolutely crushing it. Tomorrow night, we announce where the next arena stop for kill Tony will be. Historically, on night two, we always announce it. And tomorrow night, on New Year's Eve, we will announce where the next huge arena show is. And I'd like to be the first to tell you that it is going to be the highest attendance in the history of Kiltoni and that you will be on that show. You will catch her there. You'll find out where tomorrow night. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise one more time, as loud as you can for Fiona Cauley. Great job, Fiona. Great job. Wow. They're coming. Grab the mic. Oh, red band. Come on. Red band, red band. You don't have to make that noise. Back to the bucket we go. Everybody, we're going to meet this person all together. Even though the name kind of looks familiar. Let's see what happens here. 60 seconds. Going to Chuly Joy. Chuly Joy, everyone. Here we go. The comedy stylings of Chuli Joy. What's up, Austin? How you guys feeling tonight? So I just moved to Austin a couple months ago and I've already seen a bunch of fights. And the other night, I saw the most confusing one yet. It was two non binary people fighting each other. I turned to the guy next to me and I'm like, who's winning? And he's like, they are. And I'm like, who? And he goes, they? And I'm like, okay, how the am I supposed to know which one he's talking about? Well, I guess all that matters is they won. All right, there it is. Chuly Joy. Chuli, you've been. You've been on this show before, right? Yeah, the Skank Fest episode. Sorry. Okay. Yeah. Good to see you again. I remember that. Head anywhere? Yeah. Wide. Pretty big. Yep. That is your identity, is it? Yep. All right. You look like Macy Gray and Lenny Kravitz and had a baby. I'd agree with that. I'd agree with that. It's a compliment. No, I. I would say so. Two of my favorite Spotify listens. What ethnicity are you with an amazing head of hair like. Like that? I'm Cuban and Puerto Rican. Whoa. Oh, my goodness. Somebody. Second one. Cuban and what? Puerto Rican. Oh, wow. What a mix, right? Yeah. I mean, time to Take out the trash. You know, damn, that's a zinger. You can get the time to take out the trash. Merchandise on your way out, everybody. It's brand new catchphrase. It's time to take out the trash. So how did you feel when. Because that was after Skank Fest. Yeah. Yeah. I was in the news for calling half of your bloodlines original island garbage. Because there's a garbage problem and a garbage patch. Yeah, yeah. So it was pretty weird. Weird because I was so excited to finally get on Kill Tony, you know? And, like, you say that and like, my whole Puerto Rican side are like, we are not trash. We are not trash. And I was like, oh, this is not gonna end well for me. Like, that's family. That's how I felt at the time. Yeah, well, we were in the same boat. Like, it got so bad. Tony called me for the boat. What? What was that? You. Well, you it up. Go ahead. Did you try to explain to your Puerto Rican family that I wasn't calling the people garbage? Did you try to explain the joke? Yeah, I told them that you were a cool guy, you know, and it was like, jokes are jokes. And I also said that I was on the show before. You said that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Look at you now. What do you think they're going to say about this? They're going to think it's awesome, right? Yeah. Yeah. They're back on the Kill Tony team. You're damn right. Everybody is. What do you do for work, Chuly? Well, you know, I have a house in Florida, but, like, I'm in between jobs. I just moved to Austin, so, like, I need a job. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm looking. What are your skills? What. What do you bring to the table? I would say sales. What else? Public speaking. You know, just like being in front of people. I don't know what have you. I like people before. What would you be good at selling? I was selling clothes. I worked at different stores. Stores? Like vintage stores? Yeah, different things. Is that you got the elbowless jacket? No, actually. Actually, no. My buddy gave this to me. But like, everything else back though, it looks like it's a gang jacket. What's. What's your gang? Rose. Rose Ave. Oh, Rose Ave. Dog town. So like a flower gang? A flopper gang flower. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley and get pollinated. I would. I would take you down, dude. I wouldn't want to meet you buck naked in a garden. You wouldn't? No. I changed my mind. I would. All right, Psych. It's opposite day, Chulie. What else? Tell us something crazy about your life that we didn't learn last time you were on. How about he went through puberty when he was 12 on his head? I was in the first government funded PSA for marijuana. Wow. Yeah, I would. Thank you guys. I would have guessed that. What did you. I know. It was like. It was like, drive high, get a dui. And I was like, in front of a. A grill, pressing the button, but there was no tank. So it was like. Grilling high is now legal, but getting. All right, Chuli. All right. Did you get a little joke book last night? I didn't get any joke books. You did. Guess what? You're getting a little one here today. There he goes. Truly joy, everybody. Thanks, guys. This guy high as some people. He's like Mexican Matthew McConaughey. Too soon, ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian looks high, but he's not. This is a legend of the show. Kill Tony hall of Famer this if. If you know the words, sing along. This is Hans Camp. A brand new minute. This is Hans Kim. This is Hans Camp. This is Hans Cam. Hey, what's up? It's good to be here. It's a great time right now to be a comedian at the comedy mothership. We all got jobs in the new administration. I'm in charge of agriculture. Fiona Colley is in charge of immigration. She's the new border collie. Tony Hinchcliffe recently got in trouble for calling Puerto Rico an island of garbage, which is a compliment. He's from Ohio, which is landlocked garbage. I'm glad Trump is in office again. I can't believe the Democrats shut down the whole country for a disease that only kills old people. What are we gonna ban next? Stairs? I'm glad Covid happened. It got rid of a horrible group of comedy audiences. I can't wait for a pandemic that targets bachelorette parties and Dominicans. That's my time. Thank you so much. Boom. Hans Kim, one of the legends of the show, has returned. How did that feel, Hans? It felt great. After the first joke, it felt amazing, but yeah, the second and third were great. Yes. There you go. Play by play. Analysis of your performance. Fun. I had a lot of fun. You're lucky that people from Ohio all speak English and have a good sense of humor. Yeah, unlike those Puerto Ricans. Whoa, Nobody said that. Jesus Christ, Hans, you're gonna get me in trouble over here. So how's life been going? What's going On. It's been great. I have just been. You know, as you said when I saw you on Friday, I've just been staying at my house, farting on my girlfriend for a couple months. Yeah, I recently went hunting. I was in a blind next a feeder. So not really the kind of hunting that Joe does. But, yeah, I actually killed a whole deer and it was kind of small. It was a small deer, which is even harder to hit. So I think you killed a baby deer. Yeah. Oh, my God, Hans, that is not cool. Did anyone tell you how old they thought the deer was? Did they analyze the size of it? No, we just were shooting out there. I missed two. I hit one. Dude. How bad of a driver do you have to be to drive through a zoo? Do you notice he's always smiling? No matter what, You've got a permanent, like, happy grin. Like, have you ever really hit, like, a kid in a wheelchair and you're just like, yeah, I only have two expressions. Eyebrows up, eyebrows down. He has two, too. Pants up, pants down. Hans, you look like the accountant for the squid games. That's a compliment. Thank you, man. I'm pretty good at math. Hope I can count on your vote in 2095. That is true. A lot of pandemic. Pandemic themed jokes. They are trying to say that there's a new pandemic happening right now. England said to stay at home. Bird flu, they're calling it. I believe this one comes from. There it is. I got it. This is patient zero right here. Just starting. Is that the bird? The bird that flew into the jet engine? No, I'm just. Sorry. How dare you? So, Hans, how does it make you feel? The pan? I'm sorry. I don't know. There's a billion of us, we're just out here coughing on each other. We were like, it's not a. We're a petri dish for new pandemics. Sorry about that. But we did give you gunpowder, so that is true. What else is going on, Hans? Anything else crazy? I recently went to Cancun with my girlfriend. We stayed in a resort. It's beautiful. It's like a whole other country down there. Was it one of the cheaper resorts in Cancun? No, it was quite expensive. I told her I got the cheapest room and then I got her the most expensive room. It was $7,000. But that's. I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that in front of a sold out arena. I also have started playing Carcassonne as a board game. Oh, Carcassonne. Yeah. And you know, I recently was in Nashville. I, you know, enjoy having sex with my girlfriend. Okay. Wow. Hans just short circuited there. Me. One of my favorite things to do is hotel sex. What's your favorite position when you're in Cabo with your girl? With your. With that guy? What you do? You spent $12,000. What you guys do? What you and that guy do? We did a lot of missionary. I. Let's cut to a clip. We don't have it. What else did you do? We did sideways sex on our sides. Wow. Wow. She likes to make it casual. She faces the other way. Yeah. So it's just super lazy doggy style. It's like a dog that fell over. Yeah, it's like. It's like the deer. The baby deer that you shot. How old was this deer? I know that you went with somebody that probably has some hunting experience. And they were like, oh, this isn't right. I want to know exactly how terrible of a deed you did. It was a female baby. It was about that tall. It was like a cat. I felt like I killed a cat. Well, then it couldn't have been that tall if you felt like it was a cat. The Maine Coon. But no. Yeah, I killed it. I did a little neck shot right through the neck. Oh, absolutely terrible, Hans. You should never go hunting again. You gonna get a taxidermied and put it in the living room or something, guy? Yeah, it'll just fit in a corner. So. Huh. It'll. It'll fit in the corners. Doesn't take up too much space. Little. Okay, that's your house. I'm gonna check in with our senior hunting correspondent, Joe Rogan here. I want to call a game warden right now. I don't know what the you did, but this is America. We don't eat dogs and you can't shoot babies. Piece of. Jesus Christ. That is correct. Well, Hans, you did it again. Another great minute. And you, as always, made us feel super awkward and weird during your interview part. But it's always full of insane information. Out there shooting baby deers, having sideways sex. Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. Tony. Tony. Yeah. Can I ask a big favor? Yeah. Stop the music. Guys, hold on, hold on. Hold the music here. It's a new year, right? I think I want to send the message. We go into the new year helping people. This may be unprecedented, but for 30 seconds, could you bring back out the guy with the kooky eyes? I want to help him. I want to cure him. Him. Do we have the guy with the kooky eyes anywhere. The guy with the. The kooky wiggly eyes. There he is. Deep. Can we bring him back up? Here he is. Bring him back out. I got. Just give me 30 seconds. I got a cure for this guy. Bring him out on stage. I want to go into the new year helping solving this. Guys, I have a feeling someone's about to get an ultra ripped condom rubbed into his eyes. Everybody, I want to help this kid. Kid. Here he is. Wow, look at that. Backstage cameras. The great Notorious productions. How about a hand for the whole crew here working tonight? Bring him out. The great Anthony Giordano in the truck directing it. We've never had backstage cameras before. This is actually exciting for me. What was his name again? His name is Deepak Sahota. All right, here he comes. Here he comes. Here he is. Here's Deepak. Come on over, Deepak. All the way across here. Come on out here, Deepak. I want to cure you, dude. Harland Williams has an idea on how to cure Deepak. Zoom in again on those eyes. Zoom in again on his eyes. See if we can get a zoom on these crazy eyes. There they are. Can we get a little bit tighter on those really crazy eyes? A little tighter. Oh, my God. Now let me ask you, buddy. Do you want me to cure you? Keep looking at the camera. Deepak, I'm over here. Just say yes. Just say yes. It's show business. Say yes. Do you believe in me? Do you trust that I can heal you, Deepak? Give me the cure. Okay. All right. Harland is looking at him directly in the eyes. Oh, my God. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, he is scared. Oh, my God. Deepak, those actually work. That is absolutely incredible. Let's zoom in on Deepak again. Deepak, look out there at the people. Let's get that close. Cam. Step up to the microphone, Deepak. Step up to the microphone. How do you feel right now, Deepak? You look like a whole new man. You're welcome. I feel like a visionary. I'm telling you right now. If we could just brown up the skin around those straight eyes a little bit, you would be unstoppable. You actually look better with those glasses on. I never before have we ever seen in the history. Keep looking out there. Keep looking straight out there. You're never gonna make it into Sin City 2. Now, unfortunately, never before in the history have we ever seen an anyone put on comedic glasses and become a good looking man. These are great glasses. To challenge somebody to a staring contest in. I beat you at that for the record. Whoa, Deepak, just for old time's sake, put your finger on the glasses like that. Hold them steady. Yeah, hold them. Now shake your head. Yeah, yeah. Just for old times. There he goes. Harlan Williams has the touch of a God as he has cured Deepak. Do I get to keep the glasses? Those are for you. You are healed, my man. Welcome to 2025. 2025. Healing is alive in 2025. Deepak has been cured of his old shaky eyes. And now we roll on to the fifth bucket pool of the night. Make some noise for Andrew Champion, everybody. Here's Andrew Champion, bucket pool number five. One more time for Andrew, everybody. What the is up, Austin? My friend has an Indian Siri. It's kind of sketch. I was taking him home one time and he's like, I got you on the address. And it was like. I was like, bro, I'm not listening to that. It's gonna take me to an ATM machine and tell me to dump all the bitcoin I have. And he was like, hey, man, stop hating on my Siri. That's my guy. That's my guy. Stop hating on him. And I was like, dude, I'm not trying to get kidnapped at Microsoft headquarters. It's not. Not happening. Put your ATM card in the machine and dump all of your bank account into the saving account. Redeem the credit card, please. And he was just like, man, stop hating on my guy. Stop hating on my guy. Was like, dude, I'm not hating on your guy. Stop calling him your guy. Cuz he wasn't saying you're. He wasn't saying he was his guy. Replace your guy with some word that I can't say. Thank you. That was my time. Okay? A bunch of Indian stereotypes used in the form of a Siri to deliver the jokes. Andrew Champion. Look out there, straight at that red light out there. And let's just take note that he has the exact same eyes as the glasses that Harlan just put on the last guy. Unbelievably, just creepy normal eyes. There they are. Bring Deepak back out. Bring Deepak back out. I think that is. I think Deepak just put on a backwards black hat and did a new minute making fun of his own family. So, Andrew, how are you? How long you been doing standup? This is my second time ever. Okay, what made you start stand up? When was your first time? Time at the secret group in Houston. Okay, an open mic. How long ago was that? About a month and a half ago. And here you are in arena for Your second time, which is crazy. We've had almost all first times. Second times tonight, out of the bucket. What made you want to sign up for an arena for your second time ever on stage? This was my Christmas gift, so I was like, you know, might as well sign up. There you go. Who got you this gift for Christmas? My mom. Wow. Is your mom here? She. She is. Did. Did she write a minute? She did not. But she has plenty of stories that embarrass me in front of all these people. Wow. Well, your face is doing that for you. What do you do for work, Andrew? I work at the Houston Improv. Okay. You're a door guy there? Yes, sir. Okay. What do you love about Houston? Pretty much nothing. I'm trying to move. You're trying to move here to move. It could be on the list, but it's kind of set up for Colorado Springs right now. What makes you want to move to Colorado Springs? I have a lot of good friends there, and, you know, I'm trying to get out of the house on my own, kind of. What do you and your friends do when you guys hang out? Smoke? Yeah. Indoors, obviously. In a car. Okay. President Joe Biden. Yeah. I like your bling. Thank you, man. Yeah. You buy that yourself, or was it giving it to Biden? A prostitute? A down payment. Dr. Pepper. What'd you say? Is it a down payment? A down payment. How much did it cost you? It was a Christmas gift. Who was it a gift from? My parents. Yeah. Wow. Your parents gave you that thick necklace. That's true. Houston, right there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sipping on faux Fos. What about the bracelet? What's. What's the story on the bracelet, my guy. Hey, move forward a bit. You're kind of hiding behind everyone I can't see. There you are. What you tell us about the bracelet, my guy. One of them is a shark tracker, and then the other one. A shark tracker? Yeah. You know we're like, 3,000 miles from the nearest ocean, right, buddy? You're afraid of sharks? Not really. Why? Do you have a shark tracker? Yeah, good question, Arla. Then the other bracelet's from an ex girlfriend. So it's what? It's from an ex girlfriend. And you still wear this bracelet from your ex girlfriend? I do. What? Gave you a shark tracker bracelet? That one was from my mom, but. Oops. We'll be right. How long ago did you and this ex girlfriend breaks up? Officially, like, three months ago. Okay. Did she ever give you any hammerhead? Occasionally. You know, when I asked if you could say Anything to her right now? Look at that red light down there and say something to this girl that broke your heart three months ago. And wiggle your eyes back and forth like you're in an earthquake. And put your hand on your head like you're a shark. I love you still. Michaela. What the. We actually have a. Hold on. We have her on. Why don't you look at the red light? That is incredible. Absolute spitting images of one another. Here, put. Put a condom on your microphone phone. You do have. No, don't. Yeah, definitely don't do that. Just put that in your pocket. Put it in your pocket. Look back at that camera again. Can we zoom in one more time? And can we just take note that this is what a parentless Shane Gillis would have looked like? Let's just take note that if he had no mother and father that loved him, this is how it shape would have ended up looking like he should be attacked by a shark. That fucking guy. Look at him. That's pain. Gillis, what's the weirdest drug you've ever done? You have very low levels of vitamin D. I haven't ventured out from weed. Do you hate vegetables? No, I actually love vegetables. You do? Yeah. Well, Fiona collies backstage, so. Oh, yeah. Come on. We're having fun. That guy's standing for you. Yeah. That's the kind of jokes we like. Just absolutely wrong. So is Fiona right now. She's running away. Fun stuff. Andrew, here's a little joke book. Congratulations. No glasses necessary. He's leaving with deepak eyes, ladies and gentlemen. I like that guy. As I pre. Pool for the next bucket for you. Hold the music. We have come to a very special part of the show, ladies and gentlemen. As the show has progressed and we've hit so many milestones, we have been able to hit levels that I never thought before we could ever hit. And we have the respect of so many people that I've looked up to for so long. And it is incredible and surreal to bring up this next special treat and very special comedian. He's been one of my favorites since as far back as I can remember. And I can guarantee you he's one of everybody's favorites. The fact that he's here to grace us with his presence truly boggles my mind. Ladies and gentlemen, dropping in on this show, I present to you one of the greatest of all time and the first comedian ever in history to sell out an arena. This is Andrew Dice Clay live and in the flesh. Baby. Oh, my God. Test. You know I'll Tell you the truth, I didn't even know I was going to make it here tonight. The only. You know what I mean, Joey? Mr. President, you gotta understand. Half these planes don't even take off anymore. And I wanted to be here. So I'm walking around the airport and I see this Spirit Air, some guy there with a. With a pit doodle trying to fucking check in. And I just cut him off. And I say to the lady, I go, look, I gotta get on this airline. I see you're going to Austin. How much for first class? She's going, $35. I go, 35? Here's 100. Keep the fucking change. And she goes, but the bags. The bags are going to be 750 a pair. Yeah, okay, good for me, right? So now I get on the plane, it's not even like a real first class. It's like folding chairs. And there is no. There's no. It's first class and last class, like standing room, like a fucking train. And in the first class, there's no movies, there's no entertainment of any kind. I'm thinking, thinking this is going to be a long flight till. Till about 45 minutes into the flight is when the MMA fight start in the aisles where some Karen says something to some guy and then her husband and everybody starts swinging it out. There's fucking blood splattering. And just when you think it's all calming down, some guy in last class go goes, I just want to kill everybody. And he starts trying to open the emergency door. And I gotta tell you, in my whole years of flying, I never saw a pilot come running through the aisle swinging like an animal. It was like watching Joe Pesci and goodfellas where he'd go, you. I'm gonna fucking end you. I'm telling you. I. I just can't take the fucking holidays, you know, Two weeks I'm in New York. My chick is from here, actually, and. And about two weeks into December, you know, she's like, she loves Christmas, but she's looking like under the tree, she's going, did you forget to put something there? And I'm going, did you forget to blow me? I mean, depending on how good you fucking blow me, I'll go into the 23 degree fucking weather. But it might be JCPenney, it might be Macy's, not sure. Or if it's that fucking good Sacks fucking fifth Avenue. How does that sound? And then, and then everywhere you go, every party, it's a fucking turkey, starting with Thanksgiving, right? Another fucking. Do you Know nobody likes turkey. When you go to somebody's house during the year and you come with a nice bottle of wine, you look at the guy go, what are we having? Steak, chops. The guy goes, turkey. I go, give me the fucking wine back. Yeah, honey, put your coat on, walk out the door. Go ahead, walk out the door. We're not friends with them no more. And then what I love about all of you, when I see you at parties when you're reading the stuffing, you're all just terrible fucking actors because you're all like, oh, my God, this stuffing is beyond belief. And you're all saying that because we all know that the stuffing, for hours on end has been baked in the s hole of the turkey. And you can't believe there's no turkey. Fucking asshole taste. There's no asshole smell on this stuffing. And then my girl comes over to me, she goes, babe, what part of the turkey do you want me to save for you? Do you want the wing or do you. The breast or the. Or the thigh? I go, you know what? Let me have the clit. I already ate out of its asshole. Let me have the fucking clit. Look at other nice couples in the front. What's your name, honey? Any idea? Remind me to pin your tits after the show. I like you, the red fucking dress with those big fucking pig tits. I love that shit. Big fucking pig tits and a fat ass. What's better than that, right, my friend? What'd you meet, like on. On a site? That's the thing. Today we meet on the site. Swipe to the left if you just think she's a big, fat, ugly cow. Or swipe to the right if you could see cumming all over her. See, years ago. See, a lot of people don't realize I'm a romantic, okay? 35 years ago, you'd meet a girl at a club, at a bar, take her for dinner. You let her think you fucking listen to her. Really, that's what you want to be the. And then you don't even realize. All of a sudden, her pants are on the floor near your bed with her bra and her thong. You're in 69 position with her on top and you're working over her fucking sour grapefruit between her legs as you're staring into the eye of her asshole. And I'm thinking, I don't even know her favorite color. All right, you've been a great crowd. God bless. Have a great new year. Good night. Thank you. Holy shit. Come on, people. The legend, the undisputed king Andrew Dice Clay. Holy wow. Coming off an amazing weekend at the Mothership. It's amazing he's stuck around for us. How about one more time? He can still hear you. The legend, Andrew Dice Clay. And this is indeed bucket pool number six, right? Yep. That's what we got. You guys having fun out there? It never would have been imagined in this world that you could one day be on a comedy show and be pulled out of a bucket in an arena, having to follow Andrew Dice Clay. But this next lucky human has the job to do. 60 seconds. Going to your next bucket pool, Luke Sky Stam. Luke Stam, everybody. Here he comes. One more time for Luke, everybody. I'm tired of pretending that I have to care about homeless people, because I hate homeless people. They always come up to you asking you for something they don't need, like a dollar. It's like, bitch, you don't even have legs. What are you gonna go spend it on? You know, they never come up to you, ask you for something they do need, like a piggyback ride to the nearest bridge. That way you can toss them off into the river. That's a win win, because if they die, they get to move into the house of God. And if they live, they believe been stinking up the corner for a week anyway, they can start fresh and clean 20 miles the fuck away from me. Now, I understand there's a lot of veterans that are homeless, and I want to have a soft spot for them, but it's hard for me, too, because we taught them how to make money. It's like as soon as they became homeless, they forgot how to point a gun in someone's face. Why are you asking me for a dollar? Come and take it. I fucking love it. A real bucket pool. A half a standing ovation in a goddamn arena for Luke Stam, and it is becoming a full standing ovation. What an unbelievably surreal situation. Five bucket pools before you. Barely anybody moved the crowd at all. Andrew Dice Clay comes up, crushes, and you have no problem following it. A true professional and an unbelievable performance that you will undoubtedly remember for the rest of your life. And you're gonna remember you did it all with that stupid mustache on your face. Almost trimmed it today, too. Welcome back to the show, Luke. You've been on once or twice. This is my third time. Yep. Third time for Luke Stam. You live here in Austin? Yeah. How long you been doing stand up? About 4 and a half years, something like that. And how. Yeah, Joe, I was gonna say that. Homeless veteran That's a solid joke, dude. Oh, very, very fun. Yeah, it's great. Especially your passion. You held on to the mic stand. You stayed right in the pocket. You knew what you were saying. You looked at the audience the whole time. You see these people that have been doing it. That's from his reference of tripping from 45 seconds ago for those of you wondering how far Redban is behind on the soundboard right now. And you delivered it passionately. You believed in what you were saying. You thought it was funny to you. And you. That's cuz I hate homie. Homeless people. You don't have to pretend. You also played. They're disgusting. It is true. It is true. And I was one for a while, so it's fine. Yeah, you still are wearing the same clothes you were then. Yeah. Let's go with the President of the United States for. Well, first of all, I've never seen someone so angry about giving out a piggyback. But second of all, what was your favorite thing about being homeless? The no cares in the world, I guess. Get to. I was hammered the entire time. I don't remember. What was your favorite food when you were home? My favorite food when I was your mother's. Wow. Jesus Christ. That's what you get Joe Biden for asking questions. That is the correct answer. Wait, come in. You mean my mother's dead, you fucking pervert. You do look like you ate wells for a homeless guy. Oh, yeah, no, he looks like he ate some homeless guys. Yeah, you won't give a piggy back, but you do have a piggy anymore. Oh, there you go. You just jump in whenever you want. There. Very good. We know you're not homeless anymore. I'm going to do the joke that you stepped on. You won't give a piggy back, but you do have a piggy front. Still worth it really would have been better if you wouldn't have answered questions from a few seconds before. And here we go. How long have you been on home? Less. I moved here in April. At the end of April. How do you make money now that is. I do. Valet of. We've talked about this. Yes, that's right. At Baskin Robbins. Yeah. All right, so you have a home now. Describe your home. I mean, you were homeless. Do you have a condo? Do you have a house? What do you got? I live in an apartment with two other people. Do you have a bedroom? Yeah, I got my own bedroom on bed. I live with a married couple now, so I get like all the perks of Sex? No, no. I get to hear all of it. But what sort of noises? Fresh meal every night? Yeah. Dude, that mustache. I gotta ask you, the way it's twirled up on each side, just so I know, is there a woman somewhere tied to a railway track right now? Now? Yeah. Every. Every hour I'm on stage, one less woman an hour is getting. It's hard to tear about the homeless from the guy who owns Monopoly. Let me. Let's go back for a second to this living situation. Yeah. So you said that you hear them and stuff and having a bunch of fun from the other side of the wall? Yeah. It's the only way I can fall asleep peacefully. Amazing. So you've gotten used to it. Yeah, right. Does hearing people have fun on the other side of a wall make you a Mexican? I hope not. I was finally able to get one out. You gave me some space to get a full one out there. It was perfect. You're welcome. Thank you, Luke, for permission. You have the. You have the energy of somebody that feels like they're going to shoot up a bua de beppo. Bukit a beo. You got it. You bet. Luke, what do you do for fun? I just do standup when you're not doing standup. For example, we found out tonight Hans Kim shoots baby deers. Oh, he shoots baby deer. Well, what would I do for fun if I had the time to. Yeah, I like killing animals. Okay. He did not say the word hunting, folks. It's a very big red flag. You don't have to hunt down a frog to stomp on it. Wow. Is that what you do? Have you done that? Oh, that's a great T shirt. Think of what I would do for fun that you ever punch the out of a puppy. I've. I've struck a few dogs in my day. You've shocked a few dogs? No. Struck them. You shot corn. You don't shock dogs, dude. Wow, the crowd is booing. Made them turn on me. They are turning on you. It's a punch. You didn't exactly answer the have you punched a puppy? Question correctly. Not punched a puppy. There you go. Wait till their skulls get as thick as Joe's and then you can really give it to them. What does that mean? I don't know. Wow. We should get this guy a shark tracker bracelet. Come on. This is an amazing show where you could watch somebody make it and then slowly fall off the mountain right in front of your eyes over seven minutes. Oops. Well, know you're going to be homeless. In a week, right? Can't wait. Least there'll be lots of strays you can beat the out of. That's how you get good at it. What'd you say about his mother again? I forget something about her twat. Oh, that's the one I used. Okay, you got a big joke book last time you were on. Yeah. Here's a big H E B joke book for you. Luke Stam. I'm going to try to remember the first, first four minutes of this whole interaction. Luke Stam, everybody. There he goes. The set of the night. As far as bucket poles go. And let's do another regular. Ladies and gentlemen, you guys are about to go crazy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the greatest, greatest regulars in the entire history of the show. A man who is destined without a doubt to eventually get his American citizenship. This is a brand new minute from one of my funniest friends in the fucking world. The real deal, the Estonian Assassin. This is Ari Matty. Okay, okay. Which one of you bitches do I gotta marry to get this passport, huh? Can be a guy too. I don't give a. I don't care about the gender. I care about the documents. I'll easily suck dick for freedom, you know, I'm saying, and I'm listen. I'm like a professional immigrant. I know everything about visas. I watch 90 Day Fiance like it's game tape, dude. The key that I've learned, the key is pregnancy. That's why Texas is perfect. No abortion. Sounds like a guarantee. Who's trapping who, bitch? But to be fair, knowing my luck, it would be very me that I do get someone pregnant here. But then it turns out she's also an illegal immigrant. Now we give birth to a Mexican Estonian. The most useless passport in the world. World. Thank you very much. Hey. Hey. The one, the only, the great, the powerful, the established Estonian assassin, Ari Matti. Wearing a very fancy Estonian Fila full jogging suit this evening. Yeah, it looks like you just came from a badminton tournament. What the hell's going on? Badminton? Yeah. What's that? It doesn't matter, it's. You make iced tea? I love a badmint. I don't know what are some big Estonian sports? They don't have badminton there? No, we have like. Oh, disc. Oh my God. One time I said on this podcast that we don't have any athletes and all the Estonians lost their mind. We have a female disc golf. Oh, what a sport. Yeah, a big disc golf crowd. What a stupid sport. Have you ever played it? Yeah, I tried it. Wow, what an experience. You did it with like the heavy disc and everything and people that knew what they were doing. Yeah, it's boring. Ah, I think it's cool. Walk around in nature like an. With my little discus. Even Red Band just said he thinks it's a cool sport. Redban loves that sport. It's all in the wrist. It's like golf, but with a. He plays biscuit golf. Yeah. He throws biscuits into his mouth and he celebrates afterwards. What do you love? What do you do for fun here in America? I don't really ever ask you that. I got my first BB gun, a little. Oh, you can just get them at the store. It's crazy, huh? Yeah, just 30 bucks. Kill a squirrel. You're killing. There's a. Did you say a B gun? Sorry, what did you say? A BB gun. BB gun. He calls that a stutter gun. Yeah, I thought you said a pee pee gun. Where are you from? Great question. Joe Biden. He's from Estonia. Hey, Joe Biden, can you take a moment from Pardoning Rapist and give me this fucking passport? What do you think, America? Should I pardon the Estonian assassin? Are you from the USS Hard R? I'll give you a pardon. Hit me up on Venmo. How you doing, Joe Rogan? This is the closest you two have come to doing a podcast together? I offered. I was on Facebook. This is a great moment. President Joe Biden, why did you not do Joe Rogan's podcast? Oh, just sleep. You got to call me when I'm awake from 3 to 3. 15. Come on, look it up, Jamie. Oh, you know some of the terminology you. Have you w. Listened to or watched an episode? Oh, yeah, yeah. Which one? There's a part about Bigfoot. Come on. I think you just say things that your advisors tell you when you remember key words. Huh? Ari, what do you think about there being a new president right around the corner? How do you think this looks for your. Well, I'm nervous about his immigration policies, so I don't know how this will be. The inauguration is on my birthday though, so very exciting day for all of us, huh? Yeah, absolutely. I do love that Tony keeps saying we got you and that the visa things are fine. I haven't got an email. Tony, it's okay. March 15th is coming up. That's when my work visa expires. You're going to be just fine. Anything else? Sorry, Maddie, what else is going on? You're back. Well, okay, okay, I'll. Okay, okay. I'll tell you So I was having a great day, you know, scrolling on Instagram. You know, I was following some titties, you know. Yeah, titties. Yes. Michael gets it. One straight guy. What do you guys don't like? Titties? And I follow a lot of, you know, bitches with titties. So I follow this one girl. I've been following her for a few. Few years. Apparently, you know, know, and she comes up on my feet. She's a cutie patootie. And I do the usual thing. I'm not a pervert, so I don't message them. I do the usual thing. You scroll, like, a few pictures, you know, not all the sexy ones. Maybe a few ones with the dog to let them know I like you as a person, you know, you like their photos. Yeah. You scroll back a little, and because I'm verified, it comes. Comes up like, you know, so then she ruins my day. This is what she writes to me. She goes, wait, I'll find it. Oh, is this gonna be like Rick Diaz's immigration letter? No, no, no. She go. She writes. She writes me a dm. She goes, you. You. You weirdo. You're only liking my pictures since I developed anorexia again. So I wrote, P pack. When does it kick in? Don't step into the snake pit if you don't want to get bit. No, no, no. This is what she writes before she reported me. She goes, you. She goes, you ruined my day, you piece of. So I wrote back, no, I it. And dinner is still ahead. Xoxo. Oh, my God. Rude. I was trying to be nice. I didn't know you have anorexia. You. Wow. That is anger in the air tonight. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah, it ruined my day. I'm not a pervert, you know. I'm a nice guy. I just liked your pictures. Also. Also, yeah, you post big titties. Of course I'm gonna follow. It's a great T shirt. It's incredible. I have a feeling her day gets ruined pretty easily. Yeah, probably, right, Moody? Yeah. Amazing. Did you say she had big titties? Big, big, big, big titties. But she's anorexic. I know, right? That's what I'm. I didn't even notice. What's her Instagram? Let's look at it. Oh, red bands in interested. Red ban. I don't want. Anyway. No, definitely don't do that, you know, Definitely don't do that. Well, Ari, you did it again. Thank you. Killing it in a suit. The Estonian dream. Thank you. Ari. Maddie. Here we go. Bucket pole number seven, ladies and gentlemen. Goes by the name of Carly Rose. Carly Rose is next. God damn. How about another hand for Heidi, huh? Here she is. Carly Rose, everybody. I always hear people talk about being the personality hire at their job, but I'm disabled, so I do not work. But I was the personality hire at my children's hospital Hospital. And. And that's a lot to ask of a dying 13 year old. Morale is super low and my jokes just don't kill like cancer on the sixth floor. But honestly, being disabled is not that bad. I come with like built in party tricks. I have two different options for body shots and I also don't need any alcohol to black out. I'm really easy to date rape. You just have to make me stand still for five minutes and I will hit the fucking floor. Okay, Carly Rose. There you go. Now I know why those other guys were angry. Carly, you performed like someone that would have purple dyed hair. So let's just get into it. How long have you been doing stand up? Not very long. Okay, you want to be more specific? Well, I've been working around comedy for about three years. I worked at a venue out in Satellite Beach, Florida. Okay. It's a record store. And then I started comedy photography and then I got into doing stand up. There, we're good. Almost getting to the answer now. How long have you been doing stand up? How many times have you done stand up? Any of those? Handful of times. Like four times. Okay, what made you sign up tonight? Just wanted to give it a shot. Yeah. All right, let's check in with the President of the United States. Joe. Hey. Hey. She's a. She's a real American. Give her a chance. Give her a chance to answer. Yes, thank you for my disability. I love my 900amonth. I. I didn't know we said that. What's with the second belly button? That was my next question. Yeah, it's from a feeding tube. The feeding tube? Why did you have a feeding tube? Are you the anorexic that's in Ari Maddie's dms? Nope. My stomach's paralyzed, so I don't digest properly or absolutely absorb nutrients properly. So I'm just perma skinny. Oh, wow, this is getting weirder. Oh, let's check back in with Joe Biden. Well, we're trying to lower the prices of feeding tubes, so give me some time. Let's check in with Joe Rogan here. Joe, what do you think? I'm just gonna say red band. A boy can dream that's it. Imagine you two just hanging out at night. You sucking on her feeding tube when she's asleep. Just straight to the mouth, slurping it down. It's like a never ending milkshake. Baby Red Ben drinking out of his baba. Oh, you have an iron deficiency. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever pictured. Yes. Boom. Ooh. Indeed, Big Sir. I love it. So what do you do with life now, with purple hair like that? I bake a lot. And I sing. What do you sing? Karaoke. What do you sing at karaoke? I like Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. Okay. Nah, screw it. Anything else? Any redeemed gaming qualities that might make this crowd? I don't know. You guys think we should hear her sing? Yeah. Come on. All right. Great call, Joe. Can I just start whenever? Well, you're gonna hear the band, they're gonna play and you know, it's like kind of the song kind of. Yeah. Do you know how it goes? I'll start you up. Yeah. I just feel like I'm gonna pass. I remember when I remember when I remember I remember when I lost my mind. There you go. Oh, there was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions had an echo in so much space when you're out there without care yeah, I was out of touch Thought they wanted Because I didn't know enough I just knew too much. Is that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? That make me crazy? Possibly. There you go. You did something tonight. Look at that. Would you like to go to the secret show tonight? Right. And Pflugerville. Jesus Christ, let me suck on that. What's your favorite food to eat out of the feeding tube? I used to get in trouble for eating Jolly Ranchers. Cuz when you drain it, it looks like blood. Oh my God. You used to put Jolly Ranchers directly into your feeding tube? No, but I did do a shot once directly through my feeding tube. Cuz why would you want to taste it? Joy Ranchers and vodka. He soaked it. Yeah, just like white gummy bear shot. Yeah. Imagine her doctor being what the fuck am I fixing you for? Well, that's what they said when I took the tube out myself. Why? Is your hole infected again? Shocked. Thinking about all the years he spent medical school fucking carefully stitching her together. He walks into the medical room, she's just smoking a cigarette through her fucking stomach. Hey, Doc, did my test results come in? Just inhaling through the stomach, exhaling through the mouth. Jesus Christ almighty. You ever fart backwards and Suck a full hot dog wiener inside. I can't say I have. I can't say I have. You will. You will one day. Has that ever been done before? Did you ever get sexual with it in any way? Did a guy ever shoot his load in your tube or anything? No, no. But I did get my uterus removed and that has been very fun sexually because there's just no worries anymore. Wait, why did you get your. Wait, there's some baron women clapping in the audience. What made you get your uterus removed? All of my illnesses are genetic and I just felt like it was a responsible decision to not pass this on. Wow, that's incredible. Amazing. You hear that, Latinos? You can do that. Yeah, if you put your mind to it. You don't have to procreate. Stop. The Latinos are actually nodding in agreeance. I see you up there. They're like, hey, not a bad idea, dude. Tony, what I say about doing the accent, it's hilarious. So how long ago did you get the uterus removed? How long ago? Yeah, ballpark. It was actually last year. Friday the 13th in October. Wow. Amazing. Jason Vorhees would be very proud. Thank you. So how exactly did sex change after getting your uterus taken? I used to have a lot of pain with sex, so there's none of that. And I knew I wanted to move to Texas and obviously the whole abortion thing here, so it's really nice to not have to worry about that ever. You can't get me pregnant. It's great. You just. You don't have to worry about having to get an abortion. That is correct. That is true. There's a lot of horny men cheering for this right now. You can really tell who jerking off today and who didn't. Sorry to disappoint. I have a boyfriend. There's already someone loading in there. Wow. What does your boyfriend do for a living? He's a comic. He's a shop vac. He's the guy with the mustache. He makes his money being a full time comedian. He works at a dispensary as well. Right, there it is. Aren't you a dispensary? In a way, yes. No, I'm like a bank. You ever squeeze out chocolate chips, cookie dough and make cookies? I'm more like a bank than a dispensary because you make deposit, you make deposits. Gotcha. All right, well, very fun. Carly, you're leaving here with a medium sized joke book. Fun interview. You saved it with all. Great job, crazy life experience. Stay safe in those streets. I Feel like I know too much. I feel like I don't know enough. We have a. I've been informed by somebody's advisors that we have a special treat. I don't know if you remember this President Joe Biden, but somebody just put my ears that some of your advisors said that you prepared a little something for tonight. You guys, I'm not. I'm going to be done being president in about two weeks. And I am looking to pick up a new hobby. And I thought I could do a minute here on Kill Tony tonight. You guys might have to do a minute. Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing. The President of the United States of America. We've seen this before. Always great, great sets from this guy. One more time for Joe Biden. Hey, America, how we doing? One more time for Joe Rogan, Tony Hcliff and Arlen Williams, everybody. Come on, come on. Keep it going over here. We got a kid over here. David Lucas. Give it up for the star of Sex and the Obesity. I love that guy. David's the only guy with a harder time with stairs than me. We'll keep it in. People say I don't take the border problem seriously. I say, why you think I moved David to Texas? You want to get in this country, you got to go through his fat ass. Come on. Keep it going for Hans Kim, everybody. Come on. He's still here. Keep it going for Hans Kim. Hans is autistic. Or as I call it, he's ho chi. Mintally retarded. What else we got, Ari? Maddie, didn't I. What are you doing here? Didn't I trade you to get Brittany Griner back? Happy holidays early. You look. Ari. You look like you have a 401 KKK. Ari look like he watches Disney movies just to see the parents die. Roofy Howser MD all right, what else? We got red bands here. Red Band looks so sad. It's just because he's. He saw the list of foods that RFK is gonna ban, like bagels and fruit. Red Band looks like even his knees have double chins. I love you, Red Band. Congrats on the engagement. What else we got? Hans Kim buys his clothes on Amazon. Tony looks like Marty McFly got on the DeLorean and said it to gay guy. That's all it'll be. I'm just President Joe Biden. I got two weeks left. Maybe I'll get Santa comedy going. I'm gonna go take a pee. I gotta take a pee. I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll see you guys. I Gotta go to the bathroom. He's gotta go. It's a channel. Roman. I was on the Joe Rogan Experience. He was on this is Kil Tony, but yeah, you were with Joe. He's going pee. Look at that. Walk away. Is that not iconic or what? He's just in character. Every step with that walk. Holy crap. He's doing. Oh, he doesn't know he's on the backstage camera. That's Adam Ray, everybody. Look at that. Ah, there he is. There's Joe Biden. Okay. He snapped right out of character. Okay, while we're waiting for the president, Joe Biden to finish urinating, we will, we will roll something. We have something very special for one of the members of this panel here. It's been a special secret that we've kept a surprise. Guys, why don't we roll that video if it's ready, let's see what we got here. Wow, what a treat. Holy crap. Look at this. Sachi couldn't decide if she wanted to be a Smurf or Barney for sake. No, Harlan, you can't do that, buddy. No, Harlan, no. I present to you the great and powerful Harlan Williams. Oh, Harlan Williams. First time on this show. We wanted him for ten and a half years, we got him. Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams is the only comedian on the stage with a degree from DeVry and. Coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut pie. Coconut, coconut, coconut pie. Give me an interject here. Just real quick. Have you ever eaten a baby? Hang on. Sorry. Lyme disease. Cinnamon angels fly, fly away. Would like to write a check to help this young fellow on his way. And he's writing out an actual check. Can you describe exactly what it says there that check? $300,000 with no name or nothing else. See, I'm actually a member of a dolphin bank with no numbers. No, no, let me read it to you. It up real bad. My guy. I made my guy. How about a whole five guys right there? Coconut, coconut, coconut pie. Harlan Williams. You look like Tyler Perry presents Back to the Future. Well, at least I'm not back to the buffet. How about that? This is the only guy I know. Everyone else in the country has Lyme disease. This has got key. Lyme disease, eye disease. Yo. This cooking this old. You're my tonight. How about that? That's right. Surprise, surprise. The 2024 guest of the year is Harlon Williams, everybody. Congratulations. Of course, here to present you with the award, last year's guest of the year, Adam Ray. SL. Dr. Phil, Joe Biden. SL Elaine SL. Jeremy, make some noise. For the 2024 guest of the Year. Much, much deserved Harlan Williams sp. Speech. Speech. Speech therapy. Therapy. Therapy. I'm very emotional right now. How could I know this was going to happen? Holy smokes. This was unexpected. I really didn't even have any idea that this was gonna happen. And to be named Comedy Sex Machine is unbelievable. I really had no idea this was gonna happen. But honestly, I'm very grateful. You know, I just threw him on the ground. I don't care. Hang on, I gotta snort some. Had to snort some color, whatever they are. I'd like to thank a few people, if that's cool. I'd really like. Sir, if you could sit down. I'm in the middle of a fucking speech. I hate when my dad comes to these things. I'd like to thank Donnie's face braces. As you know, my sister's eyes were this far apart for about four years, and Donnie got the braces on her eyes and her faces are back together. I want to thank Crab Legs R Us. My sister has demented legs and walks like a crab, so I want to thank her. And I want to thank one of my earliest comedy influences. I didn't know what comedy was until I was a little boy and I was watching Sesame street like we all did. And there's someone I want to thank on Sesame street, the Count. Who knew that even numbers could be so hilarious? 1. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 2. Ah, ah, ah, Ah. 3. Don't spoil it. Fuck you. 4. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Folks, I want to thank Tony. He's doing a great thing, bringing comedy to a whole new level. Unbelievable. It's really unbelievable. Sort of starting a whole new revolution in comedy. Joe Rogan, who kicked it off with his wonderful podcast and everything he's contributed. Joe, you're amazing. Tony. And folks, my joy in life is to bring laughter to you guys. So the only thing I'd ask in return, go to my podcast, the Harland Highway. Everyone watching, subscribe, take thanks 5 seconds. Subscribe, and let me bring the laughter to you. Thank you, Tony. Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Joe Biden, if you know who you are. And I love you guys. And I'm going to promise this year to keep fixing more freaky up eyes. Thank you. Unbelievable. Harland Williams. Amazing. Just a little fun fact for those of you. There's no way that he knew he was going to be guest of the year. The funny part of that is that he's been sitting on and has had trophies shoved in his Pants all night, literally not knowing that he was going to win anything. Just the easier thing is the odds. Eyes. Yeah, well, I brought the eyes. If I had to read a speech, I was going to say, let me put my glasses on. And I realized that guy with the shaky rattlesnake eyes was a godsend and I had to give it over to him. So that's called comedy karma right there. Thank you, Lord. Tell about Dimitri. Dimitri. Okay, so when Joe had me on his podcast, which by the way, give a hand to Joe, his man, this guy, the best in the world. So when Joe had me on his podcast, I went in at the beginning, I had another thing in my pants. I had a big, long, like 2 foot long rubber snake. And when I sat down with Joe at the beginning, I told him I had a tapeworm. And at the end of the show was sitting in my pants for three hours as I pulled it out at the very end. And my proudest moment is Joe left it on his table. We did it about five months ago, right, Joe? He left my little tapeworm named Dimitri on his table. And about two months ago, he did an interview with the most powerful man in the world, Donald Trump, the future President of the United States. And I told Joe I was so happy because sitting between Donald Trump and Joe Rogan was Dimitri, my tapeworm. So thank you, Joe. I love you, buddy. Thank you, everybody. Harlan Williams. Thank you, Red Band. Joe Rogan. President Joe Biden, indeed. Check out the Harland Highway. Harland is hilarious all the time. Much deserved. 2024 Guests of the year. We've done a lot tonight. We've seen feeding tubes. We've seen it all. People with wobbly eyes. Guest of the year, the return of Rick Diaz, Law Coger, Fiona Colley, Hans Kim, Andrew Dice Clay. And I can think. There's only one way to end an episode like this. Ladies and gentlemen, it is that time for the all time record holder in appearances, the record holder in interviews, overall minutes on the show, the first ever living member of the Kill Tony hall of Fame and the reigning and defending most powerful regular in the history of the show. Some people call him the heb produce manager, the crown prince of Cedar park, the Aardvark of Austin, the pervert of Portland, the Disclaimer of Des Moines, the Memphis Strangler, the Alaskan, the zip recruiter Zone. Bruh. This is the big Red machine, William Montgomery. Happy Kwanza sun. Oh my gosh, Texas, it is so wonderful to be here tonight. I'm actually wearing this outfit as a sign of respect for the ancient Chinese tradition of Quanza. And I would like, in accordance with the scriptures, to read some fortune cookies, if that's okay with you today. And take this pitch, Spirit Airlines is going to start a frequent fighter discount where you earn a free trip after only four fights. Okay, I've got 20 in here, so let me. Do you want one of the condoms? Jimmy Carter will die on March 12, 2025. Okay, I guess I'm that one up. Okay, let's. I'm celebrating Quanza tonight. Yeah. Oh, this is a long one. Okay, let me. The way you talk about the hot Latinas in the movie Encanto will turn on your therapist so much, she'll ask to lie on the couch next to you. Okay, let's keep moving. My hands are so sweaty right now. I'm sorry. In the year 2025, Lizzo will surpass a thousand pounds. Okay, got y'all back with that fat. You know or hate celebrating Kwanza this year as a part of Make a Wish, your son will wish he could perform the upside down Spider man kiss. But sadly, Toby Maguire says no. No. Okay, last one. Let's keep her moving. The waiter has a gun. And you must tackle them now. Now. Do it. Tackle them. Dinner man. Okay, that's my time. I doubt it. I love the energy tonight. Yeah. William Montgomery has done it again. The streak continues. William, I'm making Joe sneeze over here. Did he make me sneeze? That's a new co. We got a plan for it. Joe is allergic to overly processed fortune cookies flying through the air. Obviously we're finding this out tonight. What made you go with this Asian theme tonight, William? I started working out again. Tony, I am feeling so good. I'm going to enter the American Ninja Warrior. Tony, seriously, I've been playing way too much Call of Duty. I'm off of Call of Duty. I worked out for the first time earlier today. Tony, I'm gonna win American Ninja Warrior. Wow. Can you imagine? Can you imagine if the Legend of Kill, Tony will. If I don't win American Ninja Warrior In 2025, hands will roll. Wow. You better hope throwing isn't one of the competitions, cuz I'm going to hit on. Okay, you can feel. I think you just killed somebody with a fortune cookie. This is amazing. So what type of workout did you do today? I was doing kettle bells. I was just walking in lines with the kettle bells. It was real hard. It was 35 pounds. Kettle, kettlebells. I bet you were walking. Look at you. You did one 35 pound kettlebell in your hands and you walked around with it. And I was walking around with it. Yeah. Because I was thinking, aren't the guys in prison real big? Because they're just in the yard moving the weights around? Well, now's a good time for us to check in with our senior fitness correspondent, Joe Rogan. Yeah. It's a good start. It's what? It's a good start. It is a good start. Thank you. I know I got to start somewhere slowly. I know I got to do slowly but surely, But I didn't do that with the Call of Duty. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to have fun. And I see all these people leaving. It's like a nightmare. I had a real hell of a die back in Memphis. I get back to Memphis. My dad. Dad's cat got killed, literally. I get back to Memphis, and my father follows the car holding a bucket. And I go greet my father. And there is a dead cat in the bucket. Let's cut to a clip. It is weird. There is a thing where people sometimes scatter out on you at the last second thinking that it's Tony. I'm just trying to have fun. Fun tonight, dude. Yeah. That's what it's all about. I'm feeling better than I've ever felt. It's true. You look great, William. You look great. Your body's in great shape. You're almost ready to write. You look like you're in a model regular clothes for Bass Pro Shop. That's a compliment. Take it off. People are yelling, take it off out there, William. I want to show off this new body worked out. I don't think y'all want to see my thing right now. Yeah, we do. Sounds like they want to see it to me. Want to see my thing right now? I'm serious. It'd be a disaster. Everybody would laugh. So I can't do that. I mean, there was a woman up here earlier with a feeding tube hanging out of her stomach, so I'm pretty sure. Well, the people have spoken. William, do you want to see? Oh. It appears as if, though, we're going to get. Wow. Oh, my goodness. He's gonna do some ninja warrior. Oh, what is he doing? Whoa. Oh, my goodness. This is ninja warrior. Wow. Wow. A jelly roll. That is a jelly roll. Wow. Two jelly rolls in a row. I learned that shit literally earlier today. I learned that in a day, so that's amazing. Can you do a blueberry blintz? You put the salt. I thought it was a Face. You put the salt in somersault, William. So is that what you think? Is that the step one to winning Ninja Warrior? Some sideways somersaults? That's what Hans Kim does after he comes. I know. His mom was commenting about it last night. His mom and I were watching him last night. You were talking with Hans's mother? Yeah, we were in the room with Hans. Really? Got one of those massager things and he was putting it on his fucking dick. And Hans's mom and I were watching his ass cut to a clip. I'm kidding. That one I thought we had. Wait, What? The weirdest night. It is such a. This is what we love. The chaos of kill, Tony. One second you're watching Comedy Gold, the next there's a lady bombing with a feeding tube. Some guy with wobbly eyes. Anything can happen. Yeah. What was going on with that guy's eyes? I wasn't hearing the volume, but I was seeing that guy's eyes. Yeah, they were going back and forth. William, you look like you play pickle ball with actual pickles. Just on D Island. You got it. What? That's where I would play. I play on the Big Island. I thought that was going to get a laugh, but I was mistaken. So. I'm having a real bad quanza today, people. Give me a break, seriously. So you came out dressed like an Asian with an Asian hat, an Asian kimono, Asian pants. But I noticed you didn't do an Asian voice at all. Oh, Tony. Me so sorry, Tony. Miso H. Wow. Wait. That wasn't really a good. Can you do me so horny? Wait, can you do an Asian Me so honey. So sorry. Little Jamaican there. One day he's going to run for president. This clip's going to surface. He could win, William. What else before we see you tomorrow night? Anything else? Just probably going to start playing a little Call of Duty when I get back. We are fun Double XP Weekend. Tony. I gotta chill. I gotta chill. I'm getting so close with my. I can't remember the camos I'm working on right now on Zombies. But my Opal. Okay, William. Tomorrow's New Year's Eve. I'm sure we're gonna go hard tomorrow. Big, big night. You always go big for those big shows, Tony. I think you know we ain't have a job going on on the last night. Let's go make some noise. William Montgomery, everybody. This is Kil. Tony. Brought to you by the yellow rose and the red rose. Free entry of the yellow rose with a ticket stub. Tonight. Make some noise. I can't believe we were able to lucky enough to have him stop by. The great Joe Rogan, everybody. Come on. One more time for 2023 guest of the year. Believe it or not, that's Adam Ray. Behind Joe Biden's beautiful, beautiful face and hair, the legend, the newest guest of the year, 2024, Harlan Williams. The Harland highway. Check out everything. Adam Ray. Let's check out the art from the artist Chris Rogers. Drew tonight and Ryan je belt are both here. We're going to check out their live art that they did. Ooh. Chris Rogers and Ryan J. E Bell. Hell yeah. Amazing. Booyah. Chaos. I love it. Ryan J with the guests. Beautiful, stunning. Make some noise for yourselves. How many you are coming back tomorrow now night. Well, we will see you then. It's going to be a wild one. Congratulations to you guys. You also have a episode that dropped on YouTube while we were all here hanging out. So go enjoy that if you want and you'll get three episodes in 48 hours. We love you. God bless this audience. Love you guys. God bless the United States of America. Joe Rogan, Adam Ray, har Williams. We love you you. See you tomorrow. Thank you. Sa.