#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN

Summary

Kill Tony Episode #708 - H. Foley + Kevin Ryan

Release Date: February 25, 2025

Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban
Recorded Live From: Austin, Texas
Guests: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Podcast Network: Death Squad TV

---

1. Introduction to the Episode

In Episode #708 of Kill Tony, hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban kick off the show with their signature high-energy introductions before delving into an evening filled with laughter, insightful conversations, and standout performances from both recurring and new comedians. Recorded live from Austin, Texas, this episode features special guests H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, renowned for their podcasting prowess.

2. Spotlight on H. Foley & Kevin Ryan

Timestamp: [04:34]

Tony and Brian warmly welcome H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, the dynamic duo behind the "Are You Garbage?" podcast. They delve into the essence of their show, which humorously critiques and exposes the quirks of guest comedians. Tony remarks:

"They find out what's kind of trashy about the guests. And there's a lot."

H. Foley humorously acknowledges his standing on the show:

"It turns out for sure I'm garbage."

This candid banter sets the tone for the episode, highlighting the playful yet sharp comedic exchanges that define Kill Tony.

3. Comedy Performances from the Bucket Pool

Throughout the episode, several comedians are "pulled out of the bucket" to deliver a one-minute uninterrupted set. These performances are a mix of raw talent, personal anecdotes, and edgy humor, often prompting reactions and jokes from the hosts.

a. Enrique Chacone

Timestamp: [06:34]

Enrique opens the show with a stand-up set addressing topical issues such as immigration and personal identity. His humor is sharp and relatable, touching on themes like:

"Your dad, he was a veteran in El Salvador. He hated communism, I hated communism, and fuck communism."

Tony praises Enrique's performance, noting his ability to tackle serious subjects with a comedic twist.

b. Brooke Riddell

Timestamp: [07:27]

Brooke, a first-time guest, discusses her role in creative advertising for Disney. She shares insights into her work:

"We do creative advertising for Disney movies. So, like the billboards and the movie posters and trailers."

Her interaction with the hosts reveals her creative process and personal life, including her relationship dynamics and entrepreneurial ventures with her husband.

"We opened up an Airbnb in the cabin, you know, like in the middle of our property."

c. Phoenix Provocateur

Timestamp: [16:09]

Phoenix, a recurring guest, navigates discussions around personal relationships and cultural identity. She humorously addresses her status and societal perceptions:

"I'm a trans Asian, man. I think I'll be the most annoying person to deport on a flight."

Her candidness and humor provide a fresh perspective, engaging the audience with her unique experiences.

d. Adam Mitchell

Timestamp: [39:16]

Adam shares a comedic recount of his childhood interactions with Mormon missionaries and his Jewish upbringing. His storytelling is both humorous and nostalgic:

"I was a 13-year-old kid. They knock on the door, I open, hello, sir. Can we please talk to you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Really? Get the fuck out of here."

His ability to weave personal anecdotes into his performance showcases his storytelling prowess.

e. Javier Ramirez

Timestamp: [48:50]

Javier, a returning guest, combines personal stories with sharp humor, discussing topics like dating and societal observations:

"There's this guy standing in the mirror somewhere, like, taking a shirt off, like, oh, yeah, I'm at the gym... like, shut the fuck up."

His performance is marked by its edgy humor and relatable content, earning applause from the live audience.

f. Colin Sledge

Timestamp: [69:36]

Colin offers a mix of observational comedy and personal insights, reflecting on his experiences working at a mall and his interactions with customers:

"I was hooking up with this girl and she was like, you know, talk dirty to me. I was like, what do you want me to say?"

His relatable humor and delivery make his performance a highlight of the evening.

g. Gus Horn

Timestamp: [82:02]

Gus transitions from a nuclear engineering background to comedy, sharing his journey and the challenges he's faced:

"I have a master's degree in criminal justice. Yep, I have hands-on experience."

He humorously discusses his weight loss journey and the impact of personal relationships on his career path.

h. Jasper the Disappointing Mime

Timestamp: [93:52]

Jasper delivers a unique mime performance, blending silence with expressive gestures. Despite the unconventional format, his performance garners attention and reactions from the hosts:

"I'm a mime. Just because I'm a mime doesn't mean I'm French. Don't be a mimophobe."

i. Seth Tilly

Timestamp: [101:51]

Seth shares his experiences working for airlines, infusing humor into his portrayal of workplace dynamics and personal anecdotes:

"I work for the airlines. All kinds of shit goes on there."

His candid storytelling and humor make his performance engaging and memorable.

4. Noteworthy Interactions and Highlights

Timestamp: [113:08] – [120:24]

The episode culminates with a series of interactions highlighting the camaraderie between hosts and guests. Notably, Tony and Brian engage in playful banter with guest William Montgomery, blending humor with personal anecdotes. Additionally, the introduction of past episodes' memorable moments, such as the story of "Gareth Pursehouse," adds depth to the episode's narrative.

Tony highlights the importance of vetting guests to maintain the show's quality:

"There's a real fucking reason why that no one, no matter how funny or whatever they may be, has the courage to be like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna let anyone sign up."

5. Concluding Remarks

As the night winds down, Tony and Brian reflect on the evening's performances, acknowledging the diverse talents and unique perspectives each guest brings to the table. The episode encapsulates the essence of Kill Tony—a blend of sharp wit, candid conversations, and an ever-evolving lineup of comedic talent.

Notable Quotes

• Tony Hinchcliffe:
  "If you get pulled out of this bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means you have to wrap it up then."
  [06:19]

• Enrique Chacone:
  "And I'm like, damn, dad, that's kind of gay. If you do that shit to me, I'm gonna come. Thank you. That's been my time."
  [08:41]

• Brooke Riddell:
  "I have something called the DACA status, which, if you're a Republican, you probably don't fucking give a fuck."
  [12:19]

• Javier Ramirez:
  "All right, Cliff, how do you feel about all this? How do you think that minute went for you?"
  [41:18]

• Gus Horn:
  "I started comedy when I was about to finish my master's about eight years ago."
  [85:00]

---

For more episodes of Kill Tony, visit Death Squad TV on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening.

[Brian Redban]

To the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything.

[Brian Redban]

The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs or whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Man.

[Brian Redban]

Coming you live from the comedy mothership.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here in Austin, Texas, for a brand.

[Brian Redban]

New episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Make some noise to Ray Ban, ladies and gentlemen.

[Brian Redban]

What's up, everyone?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's the best damn band in all of the land. Proving it you yet again. Make some noise for them, everybody. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande. That is Big Mike, believe it or not. That is. He's the biggest little boy we've ever seen in our lives. Isn't he adorable, ladies and gentlemen? A micro machine of a drummer. How about a hand for the great Matt Muhling, everybody? Fresh off of an audition to be one of the new Home Alone villains. Clearly the great John Dees is here, everyone. And absolutely adorable, dressed like a skeleton. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, that is indeed D madness on the base. Oh, my goodness. Everything is in its place. The crew is golden tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Brian Redban]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get an expert [e-mail] only available with.

[Brian Redban]

TurboTax Live full service.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seek guaranteed [e-mail] who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Ladies and gentlemen, two of my favorite comedians, two of the best guests in the history of the show. If you guys know and love comedy podcasting, then you know these motherfuckers. Absolutely amazing. Literally the best two of the best guests possible. Make some goddamn noise for the REU garbage guys. Kevin Ryan and H Fol sit there. Oh, yeah. No, you sit here. Yeah, there he is. There they are. Kevin Ryan, H. Foley On a beautiful, beautiful Monday evening. Welcome, gentlemen.

[Brian Redban]

Let's go, mothership. God damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For you guys that don't know they are the hosts of literally what I consider one of the only listenable comedy podcasts in the world. I don't really listen or watch anybody's podcasts, including all my best friends, but these two run a show. Are you garbage? And you find out what's kind of trashy about the guests. And there's a lot.

[Brian Redban]

There's a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, it turns out for sure I'm garbage.

[Brian Redban]

You were not classy. That's definitely. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nope. Born poor. Sure had to survive. Had to make some things happen. Many a trips to subway. Load up the sub. $5 back in the dizzle.

[Brian Redban]

Grew up on black olives.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Maraschino cherries show up in my DNA to this day. I got a blood test. Two percent maraschino. What's been going on, boys? Everything good? Route 66. The new special are you garbage Special on are you garbage on YouTube. So YouTube.com are you garbage? What's. What do you guys do there?

[Brian Redban]

We did Route 66 tour Chicago to LA on a bus. Did nine cities, nine shows in like 10 days. And we filmed the whole thing. All a lot of behind the scenes, a lot of lot of the live show. It's a good time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a great time.

[Brian Redban]

This is nice. This is new, isn't it? You don't know. You used to normally do this little panel. We come out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, you know, I like you guys.

[Brian Redban]

This is real. I feel like I'm on Graham Norton. I love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Graham Norton. Wow, you really made it. Graham Norton. What a reference.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, you know that show no one watches. That's what it feels like I'm on right now. What are you talking about? Good show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

British trash. Yeah, but you guys have been on this show numerous times. Much like Graham Norton's favorite guest, I've had you on multiple times. You guys know how it works. If you get pulled out of this bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means you have to wrap it up then. Or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm gonna let one of these lovely lesbians in the front row pick out a name to start the show. That'll be. And while our sweet, sweet crew goes and wrangles the comedian from across the street, we're going to get it started with one of our favorite golden ticket winners in the history of the show. An absolute sweet, sweet, sweet little fucking enchilada that we found many years ago in Houston, Texas. A long tenured golden ticket winner here with a new minute. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the adorable and powerful. This is Enrique Chacone, everyone.

[Brian Redban]

That was. Hello. And illegal. How the fuck we feeling, Austin? Yeah, man, I heard that ICE is detaining Latinos. That look illegal, man. That's why I tell everybody that I'm a trans. You know, not the kind that chops your dick off. The kind that's really good at Rubik's Cuban, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm a trans Asian, man. I think I'll be the most annoying person to deport on a flight like, oh, man, I know I don't have, but can I at least get the window seat and an extra foil blanket? I want to go back into my country looking like an illegal pop tart, you know, my dad, he was a veteran in El Salvador. He hated communism, I hated communism, and fuck communism. I can't even share an appetizer. He used to tell me how he would torture communists, right? Apparently he used to tie them up naked, throw cold water at them and slap their feet afterwards so they can get pneumonia and die. And I'm like, damn, dad, that's kind of gay. If you do that shit to me, I'm gonna come. Thank you. That's been my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah. There he is. Ooh. Takes the glasses off after this set. What a little rock star we got. Holy. I love it. Enrique, rock solid. One of my favorite minutes of yours.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talking about topical stuff.

[Brian Redban]

Relatable as, bro. I'm actually at risk of deportation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet you could slip right out of their grasp. Look at you. Look at how sweaty you are. Enrique. It is literally. We keep a thermometer here at all times. People think it's a joke. It's real. 67.3 degrees Fahrenheit. 67 degrees. And look at that forehead right now.

[Brian Redban]

Can you control that? Can you turn it down? The kid's right. I didn't take my jacket off. Thought I was having a goddamn. You got a couple of big guys here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that when you ask the doctor after he takes your blood pressure? Hey, can you turn that down, dude? I don't even know, man. I'm just having fun, dude. I don't even share appetizers, dude.

[Brian Redban]

My cholesterol is loud as. That's why I wear it. That's why I'm wearing these tight ass jeans. They help with the blood pressure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are ridiculous.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Those are compression jeans. Yeah. Holy. My man. I'm lying. These are actually airbrushed on me, you know, I mean, you are true. I'm a kinky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like an ice cream cone. Very tiny ankles. Getting bigger as it goes up. Sugar cone and a lot of sugar cone. That's what I'm looking for. Our senior ice cream cones correspondent, Brian Redband, correcting me. It is a sugar cone, not a baby cone. We all know the differences in the cones. Do you have xivia? Has anyone ever called you a sugar cone before?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. But hey, at least people would pay $5.75 to lick me, you know what I mean? Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's some people vomiting in the crowd right now. Absolutely incredible. You have a wrist band that looks extremely tight. Seems like your hand is going to be deported before the rest of you.

[Brian Redban]

What is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that wristband? And can you. How are you ever going to get eyes.

[Brian Redban]

Eyes gave it to me. They're like, okay, you're cool right now, but we're watching you. And they gave me this. Looks like you're actively swelling up right now. Yeah, I'm just, you know, turning puffy like a nipple here, dude. Oh, man, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great. Dude, it is. He's wiping the sweat out of his eyes. You would think he's in round 10 of a boxing match right now.

[Brian Redban]

Jake, Paul, where you at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His hair is sweating. I've never seen sweaty hair coming from the top of his head. He's literally. I may have made a lot of ice cream cone references while he melts up here tonight.

[Brian Redban]

He's got a winter coat on. Leave the kid alone. Exactly. Look, this is all just a big global warming advertisement, all right? It's hot up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not. We have the facts, Enrique. A great set. Are some of your family members illegal? Let's talk about.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, well, maybe we shouldn't. They're out there somewhere in Texas. Yeah, man. Actually, but actually, my status. I have something called the DACA status, which, if you're a Republican, you probably don't fucking give a fuck. You know, it was given to me in 2008 by Barack Obama. So take. Technically, he's my daddy, you know, but, yeah, I have a driver's license and a social. I can vote. But I can like your page on Facebook. That's something that I found out I can do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But they don't let you vote. The Democrats that let you here don't want you to vote. I've Never heard of such a thing.

[Brian Redban]

They don't, but they still want me to donate $5 to the Blue or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I bet.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By blue, do you mean your left hand that is slowly turning?

[Brian Redban]

I just. That ring's tight as too life to get off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That thing's never coming off. What kind of ring is that? What do you got there?

[Brian Redban]

It's a. It's a ring that my girlfriend gave me, bro. We're damn near engaged, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Did you get her a ring as well, or.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I did get her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it an onion ring? No way, Tony. I don't be sharing those, dude. Those are for me, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Those are appetizers. Oh, shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I brought one home for her, but that shit didn't make it to her fingers.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, you're still invited to the wedding, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet I am. Yeah, I bet. What else is going on? Things are good with the girl?

[Brian Redban]

Things are good with my girl, man. Well, you know, I recently opened up an Airbnb, so. That's badass, right? And you know what? Like, I've never heard that sentence ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, what do you mean by that exactly?

[Brian Redban]

So I. I have a seven acre property with my girl, right? So we opened up an Airbnb in the cabin, you know, like in the middle of our property. And you know, I thought I was going to be an entrepreneur and everything right after I did that, but now I'm just a housekeeper, a maid and a handyman, so I just kind of regressed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Are there people staying at your Airbnb?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I have a 4.89 stars right now on there, so, you know. You know, I've been cleaning them bed sheets, bro. I'm the one that's cleaning that, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. Look at you. What was the negative part to make it not a five star though? Yeah, what do you think? Drag sweaty sheets.

[Brian Redban]

They could probably hear me snoring, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know how far is this property from where you sleep?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it's like maybe like 30 steps away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30 steps away. It's connected. You guys share a wall?

[Brian Redban]

No, we don't share a wall or anything. It's divided by like a fence, you know. That's the only wall. I can't go across and back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, that is true. Oh my goodness. Look at the sweat pouring. It's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

Nobody got an extra towel over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Enrique, remind us all how old you are.

[Brian Redban]

I am 28 years young right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

28. 28. And by the amount of sweat he just on the Kill Tony death poll just passed up Brian Redban on the mountain top. Absolutely incredible. Brian is 50 and gray and you just passed him up. At 28 years old, you are the most likely to die next. How does that make you feel, Enrique?

[Brian Redban]

You know, make. Make the funeral special, please, for me at the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Enrique Chacone, everybody. Getting the show started.

[Brian Redban]

I love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, it is time to go to the Bucket, the famous part of the show where we meet people, find people. Could be the next great talent, could be somebody that thought they were gonna do great. Could be somebody's first time, could be a 20 year veteran here to try to make it for the first time ever in their lives. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first Bucket pool of the night. It is Brooke Riddell, everyone. Brooke Riddell here on Kill Tony, brought to you by Talk Space and Shopify. I love to eavesdrop.

[Brian Redban]

I was listening to this black couple talk about their friend Janae. Who? Crazy bitch. Okay, so she has this on again, off again relationship with her boyfriend, right? She leaves him, she starts performing naked, heavily, using drugs, and then finds out she has aids. So she goes back to her boyfriend, right, and is like, you know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I still love you, Forrest.

[Brian Redban]

They were talking about the plot of Forrest Gump, and my racist ass thought Jennae was just this interesting black woman with a past. So I don't eavesdrop anymore. Been thinking about the Holocaust a lot lately. Specifically. Cause I just got a dog and my landlord doesn't know, so he'll start barking, right? And I'm like, shut up, the Gestapo's coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta keep it quiet.

[Brian Redban]

What would Ann do? She'd write it down. Famously, she'd write it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks, guys.

[Brian Redban]

I've been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brooke. Brooke Riddell. Hello, Brooke. This is your first time on the show, right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice to meet you. How long you been on Stand up?

[Brian Redban]

Stand up for two years. Where at L. A?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah. Why do you laugh when you say because? I know.

[Brian Redban]

Because we know. We know how you feel about L. A.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean? I lived in L, A for almost two decades. How do I feel about.

[Brian Redban]

Well, when I signed up, they were like, I'm sorry. When they said how long and where, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who said that? One of the production assistants.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, sorry. We all love LA here. We love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you from la?

[Brian Redban]

I'm from Solvang, California. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Applause break from Red Band. That must mean there's a Friendly's Burger joint there or something. I don't know. What's solvent?

[Brian Redban]

Solvang is the Danish capital of America. And it's actually where I think Karen's from who's been on your show a few times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Karen?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah. Karen Jones.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. That's a wild name to drop.

[Brian Redban]

All right, well, I'm just name to the town.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Brian Redban]

We don't claim her anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you Danish?

[Brian Redban]

I'm not, no. I'm actually Finnish. But hey, Tomatoes. Tomatoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Well, I was wondering when you were gonna finish. When you were performing, seemed like it was never gonna end. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. But I am kidding, Brooke. Amazing. So two years you're in la, now you live there. How's that going for you? Tell us your thoughts.

[Brian Redban]

It's going well. I. Well, it sucks because the fires. But hey, we like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, hey, maybe what started the fires, by the way.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that's true. A lot of dried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of dried hay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And I've been doing groundlings and performing in clubs around la. And so it's an honor to be here on this stage and perform for you guys. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. What do you do for a living, Brooke? How do you make money?

[Brian Redban]

I do creative advertising.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. What does that mean exactly? What do you do?

[Brian Redban]

I do it for Disney movies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So, like, what are some ideas that you come up with? Are you the one that's like, make it a black person. It's time for. It's time for more black people. This movie wasn't good enough when it was white. We need more black people. Am I right? Black. All right, so what do you do at Disney? What are some things that you do?

[Brian Redban]

Creative advertising. So, like the billboards and the movie posters and trailers and stuff like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, very good. What do you think about the direction of Disney right now? What would be a note that you would have to the head of Disney if he was here right now? Yes. By the way, Red Band thinks it's Mickey Mouse. He thinks that the CEO of Disney is the actual Mickey Mouse.

[Brian Redban]

A note would probably be less notes because I feel like everyone has their hands in the pie and that's what makes things not organic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's an unbelievably great answer. Yeah. Mickey does not like that at all.

[Brian Redban]

Ha ha. You're fired.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Can all fat guys do that? This is incredible. This is amazing. I didn't know.

[Brian Redban]

Let me try. Ha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're fired.

[Brian Redban]

No. Hey, I'm Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I guess I haven't stopped thinking about friendlies in five minutes who don't like a fribble.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So, Brooke, you're down in the big city now. You're originally from, like, the middle of nowhere, California. And so how. What do you do for fun when you're in LA trying to have some fun?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I love doing this. I also love to, like, paint, and I'm very creative. I do calligraphy, so. And my husband's also comic who's across the street, so we're both doing this together. You can't believe I got pulled first. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. How long has he been doing stand up?

[Brian Redban]

Two years as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You guys started at the same time?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I've been doing improv and, like, sketch comedy longer, but then once he started to do it, I thought I should try to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Is he funnier than you?

[Brian Redban]

No, that is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a good answer. I like that.

[Brian Redban]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There we go. Good. All right, Mickey, I love it. What's something we'd be shocked to know about you? Interesting fun fact about your life?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I thought solving was pretty interesting because no one knows what the hell that is, and it's a Danish capital, but my family actually owns the Danish bakery there that does all of the gingerbread houses for, like, the celebrities of the world. So. Gingerbread.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Look how excited H. Foley is right now. This is. He cannot hide his giddiness.

[Brian Redban]

He's slipping out of his seat right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's. He's wondering if you could have a. Perhaps a gingerbread mansion. Is there perhaps a neighborhood for sale of gingerbread houses?

[Brian Redban]

Come drop bushes. I'm in love.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He wants to Airbnb some of these gingerbread houses.

[Brian Redban]

This fat guy's eating the sidewalk. That's not even gingerbread. Solving's the town is called Solving and Solving the Murder. It's in California, and it's the Danish capital, so a lot of Danish people live there. Yeah. And a lot of gingerbread houses. Yeah, it does look like a gingerbread house town.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a bunch of wineries.

[Brian Redban]

It's an awesome place to take, like, a girl. That's how we end up in some witch's pot or some shit like that. Right this way, boys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bread pan.

[Brian Redban]

They get together. I hear there's a whole town made of gingerbread. They meet up at their meetings and fucking share stories. It's like Midnight Cowboy. We're on a bus. My nose is bleeding. Don't worry, Foley, I'm gonna get you there. Nobody saw Midnight Cowboy, okay? Deep cut. If you watch Graham Norton, you know what I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. What does your husband do for work?

[Brian Redban]

He works for goop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean? What is that, Gwyneth Paltrow?

[Brian Redban]

Well, he works in the supply chain, but he was hot. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was. Wow. There's some real supply sluts in the audience tonight. Jesus Christ. Yeah, get back on the receiving. Get back on the line, bitches.

[Brian Redban]

They make vagina candles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Brian Redban]

Polly's second favorite thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Gingerbread houses and vagina candles.

[Brian Redban]

That's a Disney movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. I love it. Well, Brooke, congratulations. You got pulled first. You got it started. Here's a little joke book. Go show it to your husband. And it goes on and on. One more time for Brooke, everybody. There she goes. The show has begun. Hello there. I'm so happy to see you. And I'm happy to see you, Red Band. This podcast is brought to you by Nicked Nicotine Pouches. We're only using nicked pouches now, and our favorite flavors are citrus ice, berry, lemon ice, and spearmint. If you're looking to ditch smoke and tobacco but still want that nicotine fix, you've got to check these out. Let me tell you why Nick's pouches are better than the others on the market. They're made with natural coconut fiber filling, which is soft in your mouth, not rough or scratchy. Other brands use wood pulp, which can hurt your gums, and not something I want in my mouth for hours at a time. And, you know, what's in my mouth matters to me. They use all natural flavors for a cleaner, more authentic experience. With 10 incredible flavor options. The pouches are slim and invisible and people can't notice when you have one in. Plus, you can choose your strength between 3, 6, or 12 milligrams per pouch. Tony I love Nick Strawberry Watermelon Ice. It's the best nicotine pouch out there. The flavor in Nick pouches seriously last longer than any other pouches. Not to mention they have the best flavor selection. We made a switch to nicked nicotine pouches, and we know you'll love these too. Right now, Our listeners get 35 off when you order through our exclusive URL NYKDPouches.com Tony this special offer isn't just for your first purchase. Use it up to three times. Don't wait. Get 35 off now at NYKD pouches.com Tony that's NYKD pouches. Com Tony NYKD products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. And nicotine, as we know is an addictive chemical. Your next comedian I do believe has been on before. Make some noise for Phoenix Provocateur, everybody. Phoenix Provocateur. Here we go.

[Brian Redban]

So one of the best parts about my life right now is that my boyfriend goes to work all day and then he wants to come home and suck my dick. So sometimes going around straight people feels like going cow tipping. Are they awake? Are they not? We'll get there. So over the holidays, my great grandma told me that the best nigga to be or the worst nigga to be. My bad, the worst nigga to be is a white nigga. Now this is a 90 year old woman. She tells me shit like that all the time. She told me when she was little that she used to terrorize white kids by saying, God loves us more because he took the time to color us in. I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense. And then they had me and I think she questioned everything after that. But it's okay. It's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, all right, that's it for Phoenix.

[Brian Redban]

I'll stop there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. This is your second time on this show.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How could I forget a Phoenix Provocateur. Never one of the rare. Whatever the you are. I don't even know exactly how to label you. Some type of African dragon or something like that. I'm not exactly.

[Brian Redban]

You can call me whatever you want as long as you pay me eventually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, looks like I'll stick with Phoenix Provocateur.

[Brian Redban]

That's what I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not in the business of paying these bucket pools.

[Brian Redban]

Just curious how much. Just for my personal information.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A what if.

[Brian Redban]

Just give me your wallet. We'll make it work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hurry up.

[Brian Redban]

Almost hard right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Time to slowly take things out of your wallet and then hand it to it.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Her, her, her.

[Brian Redban]

I got about seven layers on, so we'll make it through the whole wallet. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think he's more interested in the bottom layer.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Phoenix, welcome back. Do you live here in Austin?

[Brian Redban]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work again?

[Brian Redban]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't work? Wow. Oh my goodness. You really are a woman.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The supply ladies are pissed. We work so hard.

[Brian Redban]

I've been with an oil filled man for a couple years, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

An oil field man?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I. I cook, clean, smoke dick and suck weed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

We'll put it together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right. That's amazing. And you guys live together full time?

[Brian Redban]

Yes, it's been about five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much time does he spend on the oil field now?

[Brian Redban]

He works In a crane here. But before, it was like four years before we moved out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Is the crane that he works on in your pants?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is the oil field that he works with your ass? I have so many questions. That's cool. That's fun. What do you guys do for fun? What's a date night for people like y'all? Is he always. Is he, like, excited? Like he's white? Oh, wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is he taller than you?

[Brian Redban]

No. There's not a lot of people that are taller than me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Muelling has a great question. He's putting it together. White guy, works in oil fields. Is it Uncle Laser? The world wants to know if your five year relationship is Uncle Laser.

[Brian Redban]

He wishes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet. I bet. Wait, why does he wish he's Uncle Laser or Uncle Laser wishes?

[Brian Redban]

Uncle Laser wishes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Guaranteed. Uncle Laser. Where was I? I asked a good question.

[Brian Redban]

What was the last job you had? The last job I had? I was delivering for Amazon. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So there's that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. You still have a package.

[Brian Redban]

And I broke my. Talk about the back door. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kevin's been waiting for that package for four and a half minutes.

[Brian Redban]

And it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is prime and it looks like it came from the Amazon. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Hey. What? No, no, it came from El Paso.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's right. El Paso. My goodness. So how old were you when you moved to Austin?

[Brian Redban]

It was like a year ago. Okay, so 27.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there anything you miss about El Paso?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

El Paso family.

[Brian Redban]

There's family out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did they miss you for sure? Yeah, of course they love you.

[Brian Redban]

I'm the most colorful person in the family. Of course they fucking miss me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. And you're probably, what, the most flamboyant, Right. Eccentric, you would say.

[Brian Redban]

For now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, what do you think's happening? You got a little nephew acting a fool? No.

[Brian Redban]

A bunch of them, A lot of them want to be entertainers, so they're gonna be colorful one way or another.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what's happening with these kids. Nothing but their iPhones, iPads all the time. They're fucking vaccinated. These kids are coming out gay as, and there's a whole new purple wave coming.

[Brian Redban]

That part.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

I just saw a TikTok the other day of this kid. Or there's this guy standing in the mirror somewhere, like, taking a shirt off, like, oh, yeah, I'm at the gym or whatever, and this kid walks in and he goes, oh, this is the boys bathroom. And the kid goes, yeah, I know. I'm a boy. I Just wear girls clothes and then slams the stall door behind him. Like, shut the fuck up. Like, mind your own business. You lose. I thought it was the cuntiest thing I've ever fucking saw because that was me as a kid. I'm not weird. You're weird. Mind your own fucking business.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah. Okay, stop. All right, perfect. So, Phoenix, how's comedy been going? What have you been doing? What are some good gigs you've done lately? What are you looking forward to?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I just did Nashville again probably a couple of weeks ago, and honestly, I don't know. I'm just looking to try to, like, break the glass ceiling a little bit. I've been on stages for, like 14 years, so at this point, if I'm not getting paid, I don't really move off my couch because I got dick and weed and champagne at home. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible. Such a. You know what you like. You know, these people that, like, stayed the same gender their whole lives, they fucking. They make things too complicated, it seems.

[Brian Redban]

For sure. For sure. Colors and knowing where your asshole's at is a lot of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I always said. This grandma of yours, are you still close with your grandma?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All my family, they're all. We're all a little senile, but, yeah, we're all still around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Senile.

[Brian Redban]

Crazy. Just crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great.

[Brian Redban]

We're all crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does grandma think about. Did she know that you were going to and when do you think? Think everyone.

[Brian Redban]

You're really tiptoeing around this. I've never seen Tony blush. That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Being on my. Being on my tiptoes is the only way to hang out with Phoenix. She is a big lady. I'm not that big. Damn. Are a power forward. What are you talking about? You are getting rebounds above everybody on this now.

[Brian Redban]

She got high heels on. If I did a jump split, all of the lights on 6th street would go out. And that's just because of my dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet it would. I bet it would. I love it. So all your time on stage, you said 14 years, you've been on stages. What were you doing again the rest of the time?

[Brian Redban]

I became a national champion as a dancer, and then I became an infamous drag queen here in the state of Texas, where I just bring fear amongst everybody. They hate to see this ponytail. Oh, I don't have a ponytail right now. Normally I do, but they hate to see this fucking hair coming because I'm one of the highest paid girls on any fucking show I'm on. And that's with tips. Crowd applause. Whatever. Yes. So I come here to say. I don't come here to ask if I'm entertaining. That's already been proven, verified, and decorated. I come here to get another ring, if that makes sense. Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Brian Redban]

Sharpen another knife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Guys, what do you think about Phoenix Provocateur?

[Brian Redban]

It's, like, oddly turned on and also very, very scared.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Goes both ways.

[Brian Redban]

You're captivating. Yeah. That's the brand. It's working. I am confused. I'll give you that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are from New York. I bet you didn't think that we had these in Texas.

[Brian Redban]

Avatars. Well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll take that. I'll take that.

[Brian Redban]

Like that. A lot of people don't know that Texas is known for its trannies and its drag queens. We're everywhere here. It's just not something the media wants you to know. We're fucking here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fake news is not reporting that. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. H. Foley, what are you. You're being awfully quiet over there.

[Brian Redban]

I know. This is right in Foley's wheelhouse, by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. He loves sweets. I don't know if Adam's apple is on that list of his favorite sweets.

[Brian Redban]

There's surgeries for that. I'm a Tober lone man. Don't worry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a what again?

[Brian Redban]

European candy. It's long Tootsie Roll.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, is this another Midnight Cowboy reference coming here? Some deep cuts coming for me. I love it. Do you. Have you ever played sports?

[Brian Redban]

A bunch of sports, yeah. I did track. I literally almost said cock. Country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cross country.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, cross country. Basketball. And then dance was my main thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So did I make you dance last time you were here?

[Brian Redban]

You didn't. They were playing Dude Looks like a Lady the last time I was here. And that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry about that. I don't think that was a coincidence. This band can really have. They play that all the time for everybody. I don't know why. With that.

[Brian Redban]

I want to say y'all are lucky I put my microphone down, because I would have lit y'all asses up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, she would have licked y'all asses up. Did you hear that? Can you believe that? All right, can we get like, a. Just a few seconds of a dance move or something like that?

[Brian Redban]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One, two, one. All right. Hey. This party is wild.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible. That is so ladylike. That is so ladylike. That is incredible. Like, that's the part where it's like, oh, it's a fucking lady.

[Brian Redban]

I told you I would have been a DCC if I didn't have a 9 inch dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's a DCC?

[Brian Redban]

A Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Redban]

But I also found out they only get paid $500 and I can make that in brunch, so fuck that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Absolutely incredible. The guy in the front row is very excited. I do believe. Oh, yeah, I do believe your dick slapped him in the forehead during one of those dance moves. That is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

It's still taped between my shoulder blades. You are fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Phoenix. You got a big joke book last time you were here.

[Brian Redban]

No, I got a little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, guess what, my friend. There you go. There's. Were you going to catch it with your ass? That's incredible. Phoenix Provocateur, everybody. There she goes. We'll wait a second. No way. Wow. I have been informed that the first girl's boyfriend has randomly been pulled out of the bucket by our production team. Oh, the lovely Heidi is here, everybody. So here he is. This is Brooke Riddell's husband, who she said, she's funnier than. This is a minute uninterrupted from Adam Mitchell, everybody. Here we go.

[Brian Redban]

So I want to tell you about the time Mormons came to my door to spread the word of Jesus Christ for the first time. I was a 13 year old kid. They knock on the door, I open, hello, sir. Can we please talk to you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Really? Get the fuck out of here. They're like, no, we have to. Plus he's watching, like, all right, here's my mom. You know, they always ask for the parent. My mom's like the most Jewish lady ever. She comes to the door, hello, boys. How can I help you? They're like, hello, miss, can we talk to you about Jesus? Follow me. I do have a pile of leaves, two rakes and a trash can. If you please clean the leaves. I'd love to listen to you talk about Jesus. And they did. And they mowed the lawn and they cleaned out the garage and they came back. I think my mom was the only person in our little town abusing. I mean, listening to these kids, it was great. They were doing the Lord's work and my work. I didn't have to do chores for months. All right, thanks, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Adam Mitchell. Okay. Hi, Adam.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's it going?

[Brian Redban]

Good, how are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good. This is a magical night for you.

[Brian Redban]

This is a dream come true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your wife was pulled out of the bucket two bucket pulls ago.

[Brian Redban]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In between you guys was A massive black tranny. The only thing separating you guys was. Was a Phoenix provocateur. 76 in. In the air, boohemoth of a lovely lady. She can dance. She's multi talented. She left here with a big joke book. Did you see her?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Beautiful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at this guy trying to make it in showbiz. This guy wants to be in one of his ladies Disney commercials. Absolutely beautiful.

[Brian Redban]

Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm kidding. All right, Adam, welcome, welcome. How's it going? So how do you feel about all this? How do you think that minute went for you?

[Brian Redban]

I think it went pretty well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pretty well?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. Some of those people. Some people. That's about the amount of people that voted for Kamala Harris in the last election. Small percentage. I love it. Adam, tell us something that we don't already know about. What do you do for work again? Jesus Christ.

[Brian Redban]

How could you forget?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You've been doing stand up for two years. You started because your girl was kind of doing improv and sketch, right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. So she started about two years ago. I started about a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And what's the highlight of your comedy career so far? What's the most fun you've ever had doing this?

[Brian Redban]

I got to do the Ice House.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A few weeks ago in Pasadena.

[Brian Redban]

That's right. That was a lot of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long did you do on that set?

[Brian Redban]

I think I did six or seven minutes. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And you kept their attention? You kept it going?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What other types of things did you talk about? You obviously did that Mormon story, because if you're willing to do it in front of millions of viewers, then that's part of it. What else did you talk about?

[Brian Redban]

I talk about Mexicans and my big. My big juicy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you say? Hold on a second here. We're going to get to that. We're going to get to that juicy ass. What do you say about Mexico? Mexicans on stage. I have to know what the most white human being I've ever seen in my life. A guy who lives in a Danish super white community now, la. But okay, what is it?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, it is in Southern California, so I got a ton of Mexican friends and people I admire and that. They're just super prideful people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you sound like me after the Trump rally. This is great. I have a lot of Latino friends. My band's Latino. Everyone's Latino.

[Brian Redban]

That's the whitest shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I have tons of friends.

[Brian Redban]

They're great, admirable people. Yeah. No one says That I love taco salad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. Okay. So what do you say about the Mexicans on stage?

[Brian Redban]

So Mexico only has one gas station, Pemex. And Mexicans love to put Pemex stickers on their car. And, like, you never see anybody with, like, an ARCO sticker, but you'll see, you know, Americans with NASA stickers. It's a cool government agency. They went to the moon, allegedly. So what Mexicans, I guess, are thinking is, you know, pemex may not get us to Mars, but it will get us across the border. You say I'm doing deep cuts? Yeah, you never had a toblene before? You fucking animals. This guy's talking about Mexican Wawas the. Get Phoenix back out here, God damn it. Some eye candy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so, Adam, let's talk about your. Your actual life some more. Your childhood. Normal. You do anything weird? What's going on with you?

[Brian Redban]

Raised by my single mom, was one of the only Jews in our little town. You know, regular kids would ask me if Jew celebrated Thanksgiving every November. You know, just normal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. You're not from the town where your wife is, right? Yeah, we're from the same town. We're high school sweethearts, man. Wow. One of the only Jewish families in a Danish and Finnish area. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was that rough for you? Was there a lot of anti. Semitism, as you guys call it?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, I got called.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know why it's called was there.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, you get called Jew here and there, but I do it right back. That would qualify.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How did they say it? What was the meanest? Anybody do an impression of the guy? That was the meanest.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so I think people expected me, since I was Jewish, to be smart in class, so they'd copy my work and just get it all wrong. So one day the kid behind me would, like, sneak over after he failed the test because I also failed it, and he'd just go, Jew. Wow. He wasn't wrong. Yeah, he got that right. Yeah. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. How's your single mom doing?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, she's great. She just retired. She paints murals at the school she retired from. Yeah. She's an artist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Very nice. And what exactly are you doing on this supply chain?

[Brian Redban]

I just make sure everything gets made and gets to the warehouse before it's supposed to launch. That's what I would say if you asked me what supply chain management is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That seems like the most basic answer humanly possible.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. My goodness. Adam, one last question. What Scares you. What are you scared of?

[Brian Redban]

What am I scared of? Well, I'm a bit. I love cars, so I think dying in a car accident, because I drive a lot, I love cars, so probably dying in a car accident, driving too fast and being too reckless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you drive fast?

[Brian Redban]

What kind of car do you have of an E93? The BMW 328. It's nothing crazy, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

It's a 14 years old. Yeah. It's sick. You are Jewish. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And you're inside of a.

[Brian Redban]

It has a gas leak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It has a gas leak. Oh, okay. That's a attempt at a Jew joke. I see. Wow. All right, well, you and your girl can take your two tiny joke books and make a big one out of it if you try hard enough. There he goes. Adam Mitchell. We're having fun here. Everything's right on schedule. Hello there. And this podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Guys, I love working in podcasting. I love having my own show. Getting to do this in the best comedy club in the world with amazing guests. I'm feeling grateful. If you're doing what you love to do, there's nothing better than being surrounded by people who love it as much as you. And if you own your own business, you want to hire employees who love what they do to boost the overall success of your business. Plus make it a pretty great place to work. But how do you find passionate employees who are a good fit for all of your roles? Zip Recruiter and right now you could try it for [e-mail] Kill Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter is a hiring site that employers prefer the Most.

[Brian Redban]

Based on G2.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How fast does ZipRecruiter smart technology start showing your job to qualified candidates immediately. Not to mention ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology works so fast to find top talent. So don't waste your time or money. Amazing, higher experience. People who are excited about what they do with Zip Recruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. See for yourself. Go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free. Ziprecruiter.com Kill Tony Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com Kill Tony. ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire. It's an exciting time. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. His name is Javier Ramirez, everyone. Javier Ramirez.

[Brian Redban]

Hello, everybody. Hello, world. Good to be here. Okay. Let's talk about it. Contrary to popular belief, I have not yet gone through puberty. I am puberty. That is my favorite way to say. I say I go inside of teenagers. Huh? Who's with me? No. Oh, no. But yeah, I just moved back to America. Very happy about that. It's cool to see slimy people sell everything, even kids. So wonder what a commercial. Yeah, Come on down. We're running a sale on new children with features such as feistiness and easy disposability. Ooh. Call now or Visit our website, theclintonfoundation.org do you guys like impressions? Yes. All right, here's one. I have a pussy. I promise that's Michelle Obama. Usually I'm not good at those, but that one is spot on. All right, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Javier Ramirez closing with his best joke. Always a smart move. Erases the memory of all the creepy you talked about before.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I do love kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no, I want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry, go ahead. No, sure. If you're gonna. You're gonna be creepy. Go right ahead. Gives us something to work with.

[Brian Redban]

How you doing, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you? How are you? You've been on this show before?

[Brian Redban]

Yes, once, and I was on with Matt Rife. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Good to see you guys, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, buddy, how are you? Hey. Good. Doing good. Yeah. What's going on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. All right. So what do you do for work?

[Brian Redban]

So I work in tech, but I'm really trying. Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going. And you're really hoping to what, Just.

[Brian Redban]

Do more voiceover stuff? More comedy? I've been doing a lot of comedy, and I love it. My God, am I enamored with it. Yeah. I just moved back to America, so I'm very happy to, like, bomb. Just being here is the dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it seems like you'd be very good at voiceover. It seems like you would be good at that. Have you done anything? What have you done? Yeah, I have friends that work over at Disney if you need some.

[Brian Redban]

I love the Jews.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Getting word you were just hired by Disney. Congratulations.

[Brian Redban]

It's all happening as trans. I'll do it. Yeah, just. Just like regular commercials and like, ivrs and like, dumb stuff. It's just like. It's a weird industry now, you know? So comedy is really where it's at, you know? I feel like. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you say. Hold on a second. Hold on. Can you say. This is a brand new episode of Kill. Tony. Live from the comedy mothership, ladies and gentlemen, Tony. Hinchcliffe.

[Brian Redban]

This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony, live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know how to press random buttons at inopportune times? This is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. Holy. This is amazing. Oh, here we go.

[Brian Redban]

I'm coming for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Fart noise. All right, all right.

[Brian Redban]

That's what he does. He's the best in the business. But I'm coming for you, fatty. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Oh, my goodness. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Great. Oh, look out, Rose. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Got my ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Javier, what do you do for fun?

[Brian Redban]

Well, really, I do a lot of, like, hang out at comedy clubs. I come see shows, go swimming, harass people. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you go swimming at? What kind of swimming is this? Are you the guy drowning gay guys in the river?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Come on over here. Let's go for a swim, my little friend. Love it. No one's gonna hear you scream. I muffle them, baby. You know. But, yeah, just mostly a lot of comedy. I'm always at a creek and. Yeah. Hanging out, you know? Yeah, a lot of comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When did your voice start to sound. How old were you? When your voice started sounding about 15.

[Brian Redban]

It was very confusing. Did not really know. How long have you been a ghost? Get out. There you go. You know, it was. I was definitely creepy from before that, so. You know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was creepy before that?

[Brian Redban]

Everything about it. You look like if AI made a pedophile. Oh, thank you. I earned this mustache, I'll tell you that right now. He's only got four fingers. It's a deep cut. Wait, what? Really? Why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's from the Graham Norton show, right?

[Brian Redban]

Trying to expand to European markets here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Javier, do you have a girlfriend?

[Brian Redban]

I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you. What are you exactly, Javier?

[Brian Redban]

No, I'm actually. I haven't kissed anybody here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, very funny. All right.

[Brian Redban]

No, I. I'm not. It's hard to date here in Austin. There's a bunch of whores around, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, that doesn't make any sense. That would mean that it's easy to date.

[Brian Redban]

Well, yeah, you know, it's been fun, but, you know, I really want to, you know, a traditional. You know, I just moved back from Costa Rica, so it's like I wanted one that I could talk to, you know what I mean? What.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you. What do you mean? I don't know what you mean.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. It's. It's just that he's white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, go ahead, light it out.

[Brian Redban]

No, no, I Love. I love the whites. I love all of them. You know, it's just fun. It's just like. It's a dating city, you know? So it's not really. I'm trying to. What? What, you're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This part. You've had answers for everything up until this part right here.

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's a date with you? Like what. What is. What. What's going on here?

[Brian Redban]

I bomb a lot. No, it's fun. I like to, you know, have fun with them. And then. He sounds like he's never talked to a girl before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is freaking me out.

[Brian Redban]

I talk to him and we go swimming. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think we should make this guy sweat. Let's do a little segment on a date with Heidi, everybody. Heidi, we've done this before. There's nothing like watching a nervous man who's not good at dating. Look Heidi directly in the eyes. Heidi, grab that microphone right there. Let go of her hand, you freak. All right, let's get the lighting right for this, guys. This is a little date session. There you guys are. Good to see you.

[Brian Redban]

Javier, you look fantastic. Heidi, how are you? Good to see y. So what do you like to do usually when you're not with Tony? I like to dream about being with Tony. Oh, yeah. Do you like to read books? Do you listen to books? I do. I do both, actually. I listen and I read books. I would love to read to you, baby. Let me tell you with that voice, you can tell me literally anything. Yeah. You like smut? I don't like this. Well, do you? I don't know. What is smut? Well, I've come to realize, you guys, what you're reading is horrible. Terrible things. I don't know. What do you like to read, Heidi? I like to read.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really are bad at this, Javier. This is absolutely incredible. A lot of. A lot of two questions at a time. Do you read books? Do you listen to books?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Just one thing at a time. Yeah. Yes. A lot of Dostoevsky philosophical books.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Heidi, we get it. You're smart, too. Don't show off.

[Brian Redban]

Heidi is smart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make it about Javier. Heidi, make it about Javier. Javier. Javier, we're going to give you another shot. Let's pretend like you're deeper into the date. Right? You guys have already eaten. The waiter just asked if you guys want dessert. She wanted cheesecake. He walks away. Now you're planning your next move. Javier, what do you say to Heidi? Look her directly in the eyes. Do not break eye contact with Heidi. Heidi, you do not have to touch him, during this segment.

[Brian Redban]

Really got into it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The waiter walks away. And action.

[Brian Redban]

So do you like. Do you like a dark spirit?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Can you think of anything creepier to say? Jesus Christ, Javier, do you like it when ghosts crawl out from under your bed?

[Brian Redban]

Are you into Worms by any kids? Please don't take me to Ladybird late. Oh, no, baby, you're going straight in a barrel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right.

[Brian Redban]

I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, let's. I'm trying so hard, Javier. I'm trying to get you to close strong. Let's try it again. Dessert order taken. Waiter walks away. And action.

[Brian Redban]

Do you like Latin men? Latin men? Have you ever been with Latin? Very passionate lovers? You do know that? Yes. Hey, shout out my beans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Keep it on. Keep it on the fucking day. Keep it on the fucking day.

[Brian Redban]

What is it about a Latin man that you find attractive? I like the passion. Yes. Yes. I like the language. I love the language. I love the voices. Oh, yeah. You know, we all sound like this. Yes, hopefully. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I love. I have a studio if you want to go check it out. You know, we could record or do stuff. What sort of studio are we talking here? I do audio stuff. Do you like books?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Heidi, get out of here. He's short circuiting. All he can talk about is books. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? A lot of people don't know this. Heidi speaks like 11 languages. She's like the Hans land of this show.

[Brian Redban]

I've spoken with Heidi. She's very smart. I don't like to say that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what did you say?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah, well, I spoke to Heidi before. Like when I did the show. I spoke to Heidi more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You spoke to Heidi?

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you say you worked with Heidi?

[Brian Redban]

No, no, no. After the kill Tony from last time. Right. Just spoke. Oh. How are you guys on doing, huh? I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should be. You could be just a lot more relaxed. It's unbelievable what women do to you. What do you. What happened to you? Did someone. Did someone bully? Were you bullied by a woman or something?

[Brian Redban]

I hear my set. Come on now. No, I love women. I'm trying to do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like a robot. This is me. This is me in the mirror before going to work.

[Brian Redban]

I love women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a man and you love women?

[Brian Redban]

Yes. You're a real man and you love women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a good comedian and a good friend. Jesus, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Who knew the movie phone guy was such a Creep coming this summer. Me. All right, why don't you just tell me how you want me to murder you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Javier? Did you get a little joke book last year?

[Brian Redban]

I got a little one last.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. And that remains the same.

[Brian Redban]

Doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Javier Ramirez, everybody. What the was that? Put that in the mic stand, Javier. Jesus Christ.

[Brian Redban]

My bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of. Ramirez doesn't finish the job? Put the mic where you found it. Put it on the X, you crazy bastard. This diva over here, you can't close with a woman or a set. Javier Ramirez, ladies and gentlemen, we have another. Not even a regular, not a golden ticket winner. He's always been a special utensil, a very polarizing figure. You know, word is, is that the people on the Internet don't like him. People in live crowds love him. It seems we can't really. He's one of the most polarizing figures in the history of the show. Here with a new minute. Make some noise for the long awaited return of Uncle Laser.

[Brian Redban]

All right, relax. You're who I'm talking about. Listen, Kanye west said you fat means you a broke, okay? Y'all might as well call me Section 8 housing, all right? Because I love a thick. Where my thick at? I can hear your mouth breathing. Calm down. I hear your mouth breathing, all right? I like a built like a nose tackle. Like a worn SAP. They said, where y'all meet? I said, in the fucking A gap. Of course. That's where we met, right? Once. I met a thick Mexican bitch at a quincetta the other day. It's a Mexican birthday party, okay? She was sitting there looking like Nacho Libre. I said, hello, how you doing, darling? She was breastfeeding a seven year old, which I thought that was a little olden age to be doing all that, but la familia, you know, whatever. But she had that second titty out, just blowing around in the breeze. I said, now, who's that for? I went in there and got me a little suckle that tasted like horchata. I love her very much. My name is Uncle Laser. Y'all been great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Uncle Laser. Shell showing growth, showing improvements. A grower, a grower, a grower. He just keeps growing while still being 5ft 1 inch.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, dude, grew by a power plant. I'm built like a Clydesdale.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something like that. Something like that. I loved it, man. Pure momentum through the whole set. Where my thick ladies at? A lot of them in the back. There was a lot of them back there. A lot of noise in the darkness. A lot of ladies like Please, not near the front. Not near the front. Could tell the back went wild for the thick ladies. How's it going, Uncle Laser?

[Brian Redban]

Going good. She brought Phoenix up here and said that I had sex with her. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She claims to be with an oil man.

[Brian Redban]

I was in the back going, no, no, you know, not in front of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Brian Redban]

But listen, you get them bottom and bottom mimosas, bottomless mimosas at the. Bottomless mimosas at the fucking drag brunch. And you get them boys dressed up like girls up there dancing Lady Gaga's I Was Born this Way. And I'm like, were you really? You know, and I'm just like, what's happening? So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lazer. Oh, my goodness, pure momentum right now. This could be his greatest performance yet. Everybody I could tell, I've seen him. I've seen him have moments like this before. This is. We are going to relapse tonight. Laser 101. I've seen it before. All it takes is a few minutes on this show for him to lose control of his entire life. I am not kidding, by the way. It's funny because it's true and he knows it. This is one of those moments where right now he's just thinking about pure cocaine.

[Brian Redban]

With that being said, if anybody's got a grandma. So you have to show in the bathroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Have you guys seen Laser before?

[Brian Redban]

I have it. This guy's. I mean, I've seen your clips and stuff. You're awesome, dude. Who doesn't like him? That's crazy. This is. I mean, the powerhouse. What the. Yeah, I'm just. I'm actually gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing.

[Brian Redban]

I did. I just want to say one thing. Santa Fe, New Mexico. Oh, no. You went down there for a ski trip, have fifteen hundred dollars worth of Uncle Laser merch. And then homeless tore the camper off the back of my truck. Stole my goddamn merch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, there's a bunch of homeless people wearing Uncle Laser merch right now. Can we get some fucking fans in Santa Fe, New Mexico, to go around to the alleyways and take some pictures for us, please? I need this so badly. Please tag Uncle Laser and kill Tony show and Red Ban, please.

[Brian Redban]

Serious matter, can we please get it returned?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Ban is already looking at the satellite cameras in Santa Fe, New Mexico. We're trying to zoom in. We could not be more excited. I don't know if these homeless people know that they can afford Uncle Laser merch. It's very available. The prices are ridiculously low.

[Brian Redban]

I woke up the next morning, I'M I'm fine in this shit. Cause they stole my snowboarding gear and shit too. I went down there to an encampment and Paulie sure was down there teaching them magic tricks. I'm sure he. I'm pretty sure he's building a fucking army. We need to watch out for him, you know. But hey, it's fucking. I hate them fucking homeless. I wish we could hunt them like deer. I mean, it's a tax system. It's ethical. You get two homeless and one bicyclist each year. I mean, I don't even run red lights. I just throw fucking batteries at em. I fucking hate them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What kind of batteries? Aaa D batteries.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

The heavy bashing. Actually 9 v them. We'll hit them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Heavy duty. Yeah, Heavy duty. I love it. Laser. And what's your love life like right now? What's.

[Brian Redban]

I got a woman down from Buffalo. We just got one of those stripper dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it a buffalo? Is that what you said?

[Brian Redban]

A little French bulldog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, you know the woman I'm dating?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

She's a doctor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a doctor. Oh my God. Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

What a dumbass. Because I'm not a doctor, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I'm just guessing. She's a proctologist.

[Brian Redban]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Specializes in. She's got a lot of work on her hands.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Nah, we hanging out. I thought I had cancer the other day. Colon cancer. It runs in my family. But like my shits kept coming out like crooked, right? Like. And they have like a little groove in them and I'm like. Like everybody. Like when you go to McDonald's you get like the McFlurt and they do the like and it makes that little spin motion. They coming out like that. And I was like. It turned. I finally. It was a. I've been doing the coffee edemas and one of them coffee beans got lodged in that wouldn't break loose. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Brian Redban]

I say I'm dating a doctor. That's why. So you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Incredible. And she's a doctor. She lives here now.

[Brian Redban]

She's a physical orthopedic. She's got a medical degree. I don't quite know what she does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Okay. Seems like you're a very good listener back at home. All right, Lazer. I mean, unbelievable set. You have this. You've taken this pro wrestling energy throwback and you've only been doing it how long?

[Brian Redban]

January was three years full time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three year veteran of the game. Uncle Lazer. Thank you guys learn to love it. He is coming to your town. People of New Mexico, go to Santa Fe. Take pictures. If anyone who gets me pictures of homeless people wearing Uncle Laser merch gets a. I don't know what? Something, something. We'll figure it out.

[Brian Redban]

He's fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just know you'll bring me great joy. Okay? We having fun out there, huh? Make some noise for your next bucket poll. It is Colin Sledge. Colin Sledge, everyone. Here we go.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you. So I used to work at the mall at Express. One time. These two ladies went in the same fitting room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And when that happens, apparently you're supposed.

[Brian Redban]

To say, I'm sorry, we only allow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One person at a time in the fitting rooms.

[Brian Redban]

But what I said was, oh, yeah. In my head it was really quiet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, but they said I shouted it.

[Brian Redban]

I always. I always say the wrong thing, you know? Like I was hooking up with this girl and she was like, you know, talk dirty to me. And I was like, what do you want me to say? I'll just say whatever you want. Just tell me what to say. And she was like, just make me feel like a slut. I was like, you're such a slut. You're having sex with me. And at the end, she was like, did you even come? I was like, fisted. You? No. So why are you talking shit? Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah. Colin Sledge. I love it. You're your own thing. Thing. You got your own voice, your own in who you are. Amazing. How long you been doing stand up?

[Brian Redban]

We'll call it three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Where at?

[Brian Redban]

Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Always Houston. Okay. You still live in Houston?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I live in Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Is that where you're born and raised?

[Brian Redban]

Yes, born and raised.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What do you do for a living? I'm a piano teacher. Amazing. I love it. It makes perfect sense. You have your own rhythm. You do look like you play the organ at a haunted house. This all makes perfect sense. I love it. Guys. Colin Sledge. Can you believe what you're saying? He killed.

[Brian Redban]

That was fantastic, man. Congratulations. Killed it. Thank you. He is a creepy, but he's funny. I feel like birds go quiet when you walk in the park. I mean, man. My friends say I have resting serial killer face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

They're imaginary. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My friends in my head say.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Colin, you are your own thing.

[Brian Redban]

Dude. The way he looks at you like a bird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

His head turns fully around. Where's the camera? Where's my camera at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Straight out there. There's one over there.

[Brian Redban]

What the fuck?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're everywhere. It's wild that there's not a red light on that one in the back. Is there one back there? What do you would cover up the red light? That's weird. Okay. All right. So, Colin, what does a guy like you, scary as fuck, what does a guy like you do for fun? When you want to let loose a little bit?

[Brian Redban]

What part of the woman's body do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like to eat first?

[Brian Redban]

Strike me as a shoulder blade man. Which. Which question should I answer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stick with mine. Stick with mine.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What cemetery do you live?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you like to do for fun? What would surprise us about you? What would surprise you about me? I quit comedy for eight years and.

[Brian Redban]

I just sort of got back six months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. What made you quit eight years ago? I just wanted to do something with my life. What did you end up doing with your life?

[Brian Redban]

Not very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why I came back. Wow, look at you. Unbelievable. So what else? Tell me more about you. When you want to let your hair down and not be so creepy, what do you do? What do you do for fun? I hang out after open mics.

[Brian Redban]

That's. That's a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You hang out with other comedians? Yeah, I love it. And other than that, like, other than they.

[Brian Redban]

So when they diagnosed me with autism.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, there it is. There it is.

[Brian Redban]

You had to get a diagnosis for that? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was still in the car. He pulled in. They're like, you got it. You gotta keep going. Yeah, he pulled in in reverse.

[Brian Redban]

Buddy, we're not even gonna charge you to copay. You got enough problems.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they could tell in high school.

[Brian Redban]

Just the other kids, but I had to pay a lot of money and I didn't get diagnosed until I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like 27 or something. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

But yeah, they. They had me go to like a autistic support group, but I was just a bunch of guys staring at the wall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was too high functioning for that.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, well, you were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was. I was the most charismatic guy there.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus must have been a real who's who. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so I had to find, like, I was too high functioning for the.

[Brian Redban]

Autistic people and not high functioning enough for the normal people. So I started doing open mics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And those are sort of.

[Brian Redban]

That's perfect. Yeah. Bridges the gap, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Colin.

[Brian Redban]

Good dresser, sharp, sharp kid. I worked at the mall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did? Wow. What did you do at the mall?

[Brian Redban]

I yelled at ladies going in changing rooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's right. That was part of my set. Yeah, yeah, I remember now. I remember now. For some reason, I pictured you, like, in the middle, like, with, like, sunglasses.

[Brian Redban]

He's got real kiosk vibes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Not Main Store. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wasn't much for the customer service aspect.

[Brian Redban]

You don't say. I like people cleaning, you know, Cleaning. Yeah. Folding shapes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, yeah, sure. Folding is good for you.

[Brian Redban]

I don't even think he worked. He just went to Express and they let him fold the clothes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does this fucking guy work here?

[Brian Redban]

I'm busy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. How else do you flex your autism?

[Brian Redban]

The piano stuff in the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, and I. We've never. I don't think we've ever done this before in the history of the show. But, John, I'm mean, this is a one in a billion snag right here. I don't know how blatantly he can get out. He'll get out just fine. He'll climb somewhere. Matt will let him out. D. Is it. I mean, John D's. Is it okay if we let this virtuoso step in for a second? I think he's asleep right now. Everybody, ladies and gentlemen, put that mic in the mic stand there. Colin and myself. And.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Deez is furious. This poor sportsmanship over here. My God. Shut the up. Come on, D. All right. Yeah. Make sure it's the piano. Last thing we need is him freaking out and screaming because it comes out like a violin or something.

[Brian Redban]

Violin. It's a violin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Colin, looking very uncomfortable as a blind man walks by. Okay. Yeah, he's blind. Yeah. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we never, ever, ever let anyone touch our amazing band leader John Dees's piano. But I have to know what's going on with the stylings. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the musical debut. And just let him play. Let's not back him up, right? Let's just let this. Just feel the flow of the stylings of Colin Sledge, everyone. Here we go.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. This is the only thing I've memorized.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, I mean, you can play anything you want.

[Brian Redban]

This is the only thing. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chopsticks. What is this Charlie Brown shape? Can I have a piano? Yeah. Dees has. John, Dees has set you up for failure. He wants to be the only good piano. Piano player. He's literally one of the most profitable musicians in Austin, but he. Can you play something you don't have memorized? Everybody's having a good time. All right, that's enough. Colin, you play like one of your students. I literally play piano better than you. No, Michael, no.

[Brian Redban]

I need to sustain okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You need to sustain. There is a pedal down there.

[Brian Redban]

There's. There is, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's multiple.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I'm not doing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're so funny. I feel like the interviews with you could go on forever and ever. Do you feel at home here?

[Brian Redban]

Weirdly, yeah, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Weirdly, yeah. How much material do you think you have if you had to do a rock solid, great set?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I kept writing for the eight years, so I don't. I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a lot of material? I have a lot of material. Okay. We're gonna do three things here. First of all, Red Band. He lives in Houston. That is correct. That's a two and a half hour drive right now. If you want to do the secret show Thursday. There you go.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. And I want the talent booker here at the Comedy Mothership to see you. And the open mic here starts in about 50, 15, 20 minutes. So if you stick around, you're going to get to showcase for the talent booker, the very famous Adam Egot, booker of here, former booker of the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, former co host of the Norm MacDonald Show. And I want you to do a guest spot on my show here at the Comedy mothership, Wednesday at 7. It's a sold out show. It's going to be a lot of fun. Is that okay? Do you have enough. Is it driving too?

[Brian Redban]

I'll make it work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're going to make it work. I think you will. That makes sense. But your interviews are so good. I think you should really come back here more. So you know what? But I'm gonna give you a golden ticket as well. That is just. There's just a level of autism. There's a level of autism missing from this show. Since Hans Kim is always busy on the road nowadays and we need someone like you, you're gonna fit in just fine. Congratulations. Here's is the big joke Buck. Colin Sledge, ladies and gentlemen, has made his Kill Tony debut here. Colin Sledge. He's even got a good name.

[Brian Redban]

Dude, look at that. Look at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it.

[Brian Redban]

That guy was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, this lady's going to suck his right now. Just when you think. Just when you think. He's got everything going for him. Ooh, this guy's got a good name too. Anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Gus Horn, everyone. Gus Horn. Here we go. Oh. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, good to be here. My name is gus horn. I'm 32 years old. I live In Atlanta, Georgia these days. I don't know if you can tell from my accent, but I am fat. I've been trying to work and I've been going to the gym. I got a trainer at the gym. Got so happy losing weight, you know, the train was like, gus, what are your goals at the gym? Do you want to bulk or do you want to cut? I was like, dude, just want to see my dick again, man. That's without a mirror. That's. I started losing weight recently and people want to ask you, how much weight do you want to lose? What's your goal weight? And I never knew how to answer that because I haven't been small since I was small, so I don't know. But recently I figured out my goal weight is I want to lose enough weight so that I can go skydiving. I don't know if you guys know there's a weight limit for skydiving and I am too fat for gravity, apparently, so that's my goal. I want to go skydiving twice. Actually, anybody can go once. There's no, no requirement if it's a one time thing, you know, so. Thank you, Gus Horn. Wow. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. Welcome, gus.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

31.

[Brian Redban]

32.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

32.

[Brian Redban]

Yikes. You look great, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What have you been doing this whole life that makes you look like a 60 year old Bosnian veteran? War veteran.

[Brian Redban]

I studied a lot, so that's not it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you study? Cookbook.

[Brian Redban]

That too. Yeah, I was a nuclear engineer. I used to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Holy.

[Brian Redban]

Too much time down at the reactor, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. Where were you a nuclear engineer at?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, man. I worked in New Jersey for a while and also in Austria, in Vienna. Austria, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that where that accent comes from?

[Brian Redban]

No, I'm Brazilian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brazilian?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Well, you look a Brazilian years older than you are.

[Brian Redban]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stupid.

[Brian Redban]

That was a home run, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stupid.

[Brian Redban]

That was the best joke I've ever had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stupid. Oh, we got D Madness back. There he is. There he is. Okay, so a nuclear engineer and you don't do that anymore, huh?

[Brian Redban]

My last job was about a year and a half ago and I've been trying to do comedy full time since then, but I'm running out of money, so. Okay, we'll see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So what do you think's gonna happen? What's happening? Tell us about it. You left a major, serious, safe, secure engineering job in order to chase your dreams of being a stand up comedian? Tell us about the process of that.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I started comedy when I was about to finish My master's about eight years ago. And then I figured if I had spent all that money and time studying, I would do that for a little while while I did comedy. And then last job I had, I was able to save a little bit of money. So I been trying to do it full time the last year and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And where do you do it at? How often do you get to perform?

[Brian Redban]

Mostly in Atlanta, pretty much every day. But I've traveled all over. I've done it over 20 countries.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've done stand up in 20 countries? You speak different languages?

[Brian Redban]

Portuguese and English. Yeah, but mostly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you do a joke in Portuguese for us?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, how long of a joke do I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just 20 seconds. You can really say anything. We don't know what it. I just want to know what it sounds.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's good. Little Portuguese from a little pork and cheese. That's what I call that right there.

[Brian Redban]

My man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely adorable. You guys could be a act together. A groundbreaking new comedy act.

[Brian Redban]

Stage breaking to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Absolutely. So, Gus Horn. Unbelievable. You were born in Brazil?

[Brian Redban]

I was born in Washington, D.C. but my parents moved back when I was a baby and I lived there until I was 16. Okay. Horn. Not a Brazilian name, right? It's one of my last names. It's like from the German side. But my last last name is Pereira, so. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. As in Alex Pereira?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And is he part of your family?

[Brian Redban]

Unfortunately, no. It's the most common. Is one of the most common last names in Brazil.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I know. And then there's the horns. You're a little bit German.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I think it's from the German before. Like the before what you're thinking of? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what did the Germans do? What did you guys do? There is a little Horn. There's a horn. There it is. Okay. Anything ever go wrong when you were nuclear engineering? You ever have a little. Little. Was that Chernobyl situation?

[Brian Redban]

I worked in decommissioned power plants, so they were shut off already. But when I was doing an internship, there was a guy who got caught growing weed inside the power plant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, dude. This weed is the bomb, dude. This shit is fucking nuclear, dude. I can't even imagine. Did you get to try some of this weed?

[Brian Redban]

I didn't know him. It was just like a rumor in the office. But yeah. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, that batch had to be crazy. That is amazing. Nobody tried it. Just a rumor.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gotta love a rumor like that. I mean, we love rumors. So, Gus, what's your love life like?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, man, I became single about 10 days before Valentine's Day of last year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so how did that happen? How did you become single?

[Brian Redban]

We got a puppy together, and then we broke up two weeks later, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Amazing. Who brought the puppy home? Was it your idea?

[Brian Redban]

We got it delivered.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Uber Eats. Yeah. You got a puppy delivered? How did this happen?

[Brian Redban]

I was living in Austria and there was a breeder in Hungary, and so they brought it over. Wow. Oh, and then, yeah, she kept the dog. What kind of dog? An Australian shepherd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

He's cute. Yeah, he's nice. What's his name? Charlie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, poor Charlie.

[Brian Redban]

He has an Instagram.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He does. Do you look at the Instagram from time to time?

[Brian Redban]

There's only one picture, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. And it's. It's. It's. It's sad for you to see Charlie, isn't it?

[Brian Redban]

I saw him a couple months ago. I went back to where I used to live and we met up for a couple times. So I saw the dog. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Did you hang her? That was my next question. Did you bang her? Not the dog.

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm not poor, innocent Charlie. But your ex. No.

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was the puppy kind of like a way to try to save the relationship, you think?

[Brian Redban]

We had a lot of issues before, for sure. Yes. It was a bad decision, but it seemed good at the time. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you been with a woman since that woman?

[Brian Redban]

Not seriously, but, I mean, one offs. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Physically you have. Yes. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about. Oh, there's Charlie. Charlie's. Charlie's calling into the show right now. Charlie, we're here with your former owner, Gus Horn. Charlie, do you miss. Do you miss Gus at all? Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus, Charlie, you're out of control. This dog is. What? Oh, my God. All right, all right, that's enough. Hang up on Charlie.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, when you said one offs, you meant one night stands, right? That's what you meant? Yeah. Okay. I never heard it put like that before. Yeah. It's my foreigner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you. Where do you find these girls?

[Brian Redban]

Fog of the chow. Gus is all you can eat, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's been sitting on that since the word Brazilian came up. Everybody, you know, Red band. That is. That's what he thinks Brazil is.

[Brian Redban]

Where do I find him? On dating apps.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're right. I. I know. Just picturing meat being cut off in front of you when. As a Brazilian, when you were done with the relationship, did you just flip your coin over to let her know that you weren't down for anything?

[Brian Redban]

I put it on red yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Back to green, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So these. These girls, where do you. Did I ask you where you find them at? Where you meet them at?

[Brian Redban]

Mostly hinge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, okay, so it's app. So, like, the most recent date that you went on, this was in Atlanta?

[Brian Redban]

No, this was in Austria when I was visiting there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In Austria. So, like, what do you do with a woman in Austria? What does a guy like Gus Horn do with a woman on a date from a dating app? Do you just have her come straight to your place?

[Brian Redban]

No, I took him to see my show and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A comedy show?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Smart.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happened?

[Brian Redban]

Then we got drinks and then we went back to her place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's right. You get them laughing. Yeah, a couple drinks. What do you like?

[Brian Redban]

And then? And then? And then I apologize. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that? Is that you? You have Fiona's laugh saved on a keyboard. Oh, my God, that's amazing. Hold on. Wait till it gets quiet. I want to hear it one more time right now. Just hit the button. That is incredible. This is amazing. I've been trying to get Red Band to add new sound effects for 13 years. DC is back there just with his own secret collection. What else do you have back there? Anything else? You just saved Fiona's laugh. I love that. Hit it. Hit it. One more time is amazing. Aha. Oh, you guys got to do like a remix with that. You got to put that into a song that belongs somewhere. Could play it at her funeral. Oh, come on. Shut up. Shut up. She's inevitably going to die. There you go. See? She thinks it's funny, Assholes. She has an incurable disease. Am I not supposed to joke about it? All right, Gus, you are a very, very funny man. Congratulations.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been Austin, Texas for?

[Brian Redban]

Supposed to leave tomorrow, but I don't have a job, so I can change things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you gonna go? Atlanta.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what's your setup in Atlanta? You have an apartment, a house.

[Brian Redban]

Staying with my parents for a little while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, staying with the parents. Oh, damn. There's a fucking gold digging bitch. It's furious in the back. Here's a big joke book, Gus. Congratulations. Very funny. Very funny. Gus Horn, ladies and gentlemen. Sign up again sometime, Gus. I got to tell you, this is an interesting name. Some more beers? Oh, it's going down over here. All right. This is an interesting name. Definitely a first time bucket pull. Let's see what happens here. This is the kil Tony debut, no Doubt, of Jasper the disappointing mime Jasper The Disappointing Mime. Here he is, everybody.

[Brian Redban]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hello.

[Brian Redban]

I'm sorry, were you guys expecting a bonjour? Well, first of all, that's racist of you. Just because I'm a mime doesn't mean I'm French. Okay? Don't be a mimophobe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, the name holds true. Jasper, the Disappointing Mime.

[Brian Redban]

At least I don't lie to you guys. All right, all right, hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys want to see something funny?

[Brian Redban]

Really funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean. All right.

[Brian Redban]

I'm not trusted with anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Let's just do the show how we normally do it. Sorry, your time to do something funny was then. That was it. Okay, Jasper, first of all, let me remind you that white mimes use more white face paint than you've used tonight. You are blatantly. This is one of the best ways to not get deported I've ever seen, being a mime. White face, day 58.

[Brian Redban]

No one has noticed a thing, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been doing comedy, Jasper?

[Brian Redban]

Not that long, actually. That's good. A few years. A few years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A few years. How long have you been doing the disappointing mime act?

[Brian Redban]

Like, six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months. What made you want to switch from being you to a disappointing mime?

[Brian Redban]

I was already disappointing, so I just decided to add something to it. How'd that get sadder than what just happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who told you? Who told you you were disappointing before?

[Brian Redban]

My family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. This is absolutely incredible. Did they see you perform?

[Brian Redban]

Never. Not once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what did you do that made them so disappointed in you?

[Brian Redban]

Well, my dad's disappointed that I didn't finish mime college, and my mom's sad that I didn't follow her profession, but I don't have a stripper body, so I can't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So hit it.

[Brian Redban]

I got one laugh. That's. That's good enough for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Guys, that's it. Fiona gets the credit for that. Okay, Jasper, what do you do for work in real life?

[Brian Redban]

Bartender. Because, well, I need a drink. Otherwise, being up here, just sad. This is the happy me, all right? Other me is sadder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true? Are you trying to be funny?

[Brian Redban]

No, that's true, man. I didn't lose my virginity until I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was 22, and the only reason that.

[Brian Redban]

Happened is because I got robbed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what?

[Brian Redban]

That's a whole nother story. You don't have time for it. Don't worry about it, okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna keep it moving along here. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. There you go. No, we don't. Let's get one more up here. Why not? Absolutely.

[Brian Redban]

I like them. Now that belongs to the Graham Norton show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, sometimes it's like, sometimes you have to ask yourself, oh, they're miming. They're miming music. Wow. They're jamming so hard. Dee's doing it too. Dee gets it somehow D. Somehow Dee knows what they're doing. The. The. The absolute fucking synergy of this band is incredible. To where the blind guy's like, I do believe that is, as far as I can remember, the first mime that we've ever had on the show and definitely the first disappointment. Painting mime. You gotta like that he owns it. I was gonna ask him to lose the character and do stand up as himself, but it just. There's just something. There's a. There's a line you walk on this show. You know, there's a reason why other podcasts don't just pull names out of a bucket. There really is. There's a real fucking reason why that no one, no matter how funny or whatever they may be, has the courage to be like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna let anyone sign up. And a big part of the reason why is because every once in a while you get a Jasper, the disappointing mind. Someone in which you're like, wow, is this one day gonna be used as evidence in a federal court? We've only had one bucket pool ever end up being a murder. And you know, it's true. It's true. There's date lines and everything about it.

[Brian Redban]

Gareth Pursehouse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gareth Purse House. And yeah, made an A movie about it. Yeah, there's a lot going on. They've only just begun uncovering the great mystery of Gareth Purse House, who murdered Drew Carey's ex girlfriend while, yeah, he got pulled out of the bucket while Drew Carey, in an unbelievable turn of coincidences, was performing upstairs at the Comedy Store that night. Gareth Pursehouse pulled out of the bucket in the main room. And then only, I think a few weeks or a couple months later, after a terrible performance on the show, murdered his ex girlfriend, who was also Drew Carey's ex girlfriend. Yeah, Boo is right. Murders are bad, lady. There's a lot of. Oh, yes, Boo the murderer. Brilliant stuff happening here. I love the heckling from the crowd during a mimes performance, by the way. I gotta give you guys. Some guy was ready to kill himself doing that. Yeah, yeah. If anybody sees a little French beret with brains next to it on the sidewalk later, we're going to know what happened. We are Waiting for your final bucket pull of the night. Any second now, young Colt will be walking through that door. What's. What's the point of having headsets for the producers if he still has to run across the street?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, you could like just text somebody, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Isn't there a better system for this? Is there anything.

[Brian Redban]

They're just smiling at us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's great. I love Just keeps.

[Brian Redban]

We've had a way better week than last week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is unbelievable. We are indeed coming off of the episode in which we all lost count. There was an absolute record setting amount of bucket pool. We got rid of every little joke book. And I mean, like, it would be faster if I got up and walked over and got the person and walked them back. Like, there's headsets, there's walkie talkies, like a high level show. We got a fancy table now and somehow it takes seven minutes for a. Yeah, here we go. Here it comes. Any second now. There he is. We need a better system for this. You guys ready for your final bucket pull of the night? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, here it is. Make some noise for Seth Tilly. Seth Tilly.

[Brian Redban]

Good morning. I tried to get a job at Goodwill. They turned me down. I couldn't pass the background check. So now I work for the airlines. All kinds of shit goes on there. There's. I walked into the back room. I have a bad filter on my mouth. I walk into the back room and it smells like pot and pussy in the back room. It was 10 bags that needed to be, you know, just rerouted to Atlanta, Georgia, whatever. And smelled like pot, pussy. And I want to be a respectful man. I went for another P word. I said walk in. I said, smells like pot and piss. Well, my supervisor looks at me, female, she looks at me and says, it's your upper lip. I look back at her, I told her, you're lower cunt. Who remembers the movie Deliverance? They make it a sequel. It's called Deliverance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. I can't believe we waited for that. That was a long, long waiver. Hi, Seth. Welcome. How are you? Step up to that mic. How long you been doing stand up?

[Brian Redban]

April 1st make a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

April 1st will make a year. Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Speaks in those southern riddles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Where are you from?

[Brian Redban]

Lake Charles, Louisiana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lake Charles, Louisiana. Absolutely. You do you like crawfish?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I eat the up, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're goddamn right. Hell yeah, you do. Tis the season. Tis the season around here. It's crawfish season. You sucking heads.

[Brian Redban]

I don't suck the heads. It's too metallic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Too much. What?

[Brian Redban]

Too metallic. It has a metallic taste.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn. I didn't realize Lake Charles was the farm over there.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, but I'm open to a pussy eating contest in Lake Charles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. You have some real swagger to you. What do you do for.

[Brian Redban]

Looks like he just came out of a coma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he does. He has the. He has the swagger of a. A snowman that just turned into a real human. What do you do for work?

[Brian Redban]

I literally work for the airlines or airlines really do. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Brian Redban]

That's why they're dropping out of the. Are you a pilot? Oh, no, they're not that dumb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for the airlines? Baggage.

[Brian Redban]

Baggage, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, absolutely. Working on the old supply line. I love it. Absolutely. And what do you do for fun? You seem like a guy that has a lot of pastimes, a lot of.

[Brian Redban]

Hobbies, so I had old Xanax addiction.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How does that start? How does a Xanax addiction start?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I can tell you how it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stops at the airport. Yeah, how does it stop?

[Brian Redban]

You can't trust a pill that you take and you can spell it backwards and it still spells the same name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's for once.

[Brian Redban]

I was on 2mg annex, Tony, and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know how much that is.

[Brian Redban]

That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the Xanax bore.

[Brian Redban]

And you could break them into four quarters. I call that user friendly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I'm sure there's some people half asleep, cracking up out there on Xanax. People waiting. Like, I've been waiting. I've been waiting for Xanax. Comedian. So how does it start? My question, my much more interesting question was how does someone start? I'm always so intrigued to know how these things happen. I steer clear of all drugs except for alcohol, marijuana, and mushrooms a few times a year in order to not get addicted to anything. So how does a Xanax addiction start? I've never even. I took melatonin. Like, I. Like I've done that, like, once. And it was. It's crazy. I sweat. I have crazy dreams. I sleep, slept, walked. I took a half of one the next time. Same exact shit. I can't do anything. Tell me how a Xanax addiction starts. So you take the pill, right?

[Brian Redban]

But you get some fucking water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think he might.

[Brian Redban]

You put it in your mouth, Tony, what are you getting?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's get some zany bars and figure this out.

[Brian Redban]

Now y'all want to know. So you take it And a lot of people it knocks out. Right? Not me. It. It just puts my ass into a almost sexual feeling. Wait, you know. You know, when you leave that. Like that life of sex. Did you say a homosexual feeling?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I said almost sexual.

[Brian Redban]

Almost sexual. Almost.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Almost sexual.

[Brian Redban]

I was gonna say, let's get some zany bars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. But what made you take that? Was there. Was there a lady that's like, you should try one of these. Something like that. That first pill. Where do you get it? How do you find it? How do you know you even like it? How do you want it?

[Brian Redban]

I caught it, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The first time you caught it, you caught it like it's a fish?

[Brian Redban]

No, more like a catcher's mitt. How long have you been off, Dan? Three hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Year and a half. Year and a half, y'all. Yeah. Yeah. Like. Like it's a fight. It's a bad fight, y'all. The alcohol and Xanax, a beer with it. It's like. It's like there's a tingling. The feelings I'm up. Like I'm being, like, real, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, I get it. Again. That's why I don't try these things, because I'm afraid I'll like them. Seems enjoyable.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a smart man, huh? Yep. Okay, so what else, Seth? What else have you been doing your whole life? How old are you?

[Brian Redban]

I am 38.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. What is going on tonight? There are a lot of extremely. I'm 17, Tony. Like, what is going on in here?

[Brian Redban]

Crawl dads and Zannies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's unbelievable when Red Band looks younger than all the bucket poles.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, what would you do for a Xanax bar?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. This guy loves Xanax.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Fighting it, don't it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? You're fighting it right now.

[Brian Redban]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Your upper lip tells me different.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it isn't.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, that's what she said, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Okay. With the rest of your life, Seth, what else have you done? You've. You've lived a full life. Other than Xanax, what have you done?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I have a master's degree in criminal justice. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yep. I have a hands on experience. Not from the good side. I also do computer. Do computer work and actually gave Raman Rayban Oops. Oops. Right. Uh, gave him a firmware update earlier, but he's gonna deny it. But to his phone. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is absolutely incredible what's happening here.

[Brian Redban]

It was on Wi Fi 4. He wasn't on 2.6. He knows. I feel like I'm on Xanax. What the Are you talking about? Ram. Bam. Do you know what he's talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know what he's saying?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know what he's talking about. You gave me a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A firmware update, and I'm on.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, he's checking. It's not going to show you. It's not going to tell you that I gave you that update. Come on, now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean? Can you explain to us normal people what a firmware update from. You would.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, he would. He was not on 802.11 ax, and he knows exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. Oh, look, I'm denying it. Oh, yeah. Look at. Look, he's checking it. It. I'm on a vpn. I'm just a. A computer nerd. I'm with you right there. I'm with you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little joke book, my friend. You're going. There you go.

[Brian Redban]

Caught that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two disappointing mimes in a row, everybody. All right, now, you know, this episode had a lot of momentum early on, and slowly, right towards the end, got very sad. And I think there's only one way to end an episode like this. Jolt us alive one last time with the stylings of the hall of Famer with the most appearances ever on the show, the most interviews. He's back, and he's redder than ever. This is the Memphis Strangler. The Sioux Falls Foley. The Xanax. Zanzibar himself. The Knickerbocker of New York. The Big Red Machine. This is William Montgomery.

[Brian Redban]

I feel like we should ramp up President's Day just a notch. Like we should all be forced to kneel on rugs that face the Washington Monument and pray to the gods that we elected. So the buzz in Hollywood is they're making a prequel to Cliffhanger, and it stars a volcano. Cause volcanoes make mountains. That cliff. Okay, let's keep moving. Fuck. Elon Musk says that millions of people receiving Social Security payments are between 150 and 200 years old. With one person being 360 years old. Red band. I knew your mom was old as shit, but damn. Fuck. Germany is cracking down on hate speech. Seems a little ironic. Okay, that's my time, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59.99 seconds. Like the man who's done it more. I was so close to a minute ever. You nailed it, my friend.

[Brian Redban]

I was so close to a minute. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are the absolute best, William. One of the most loved human beings in all of the art form. An international superstar, unlike Anything we've ever seen or fathomed before.

[Brian Redban]

Tony. I felt so bad for the mime guy. He seemed genuinely not to talk about other stuff, but that seems sad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me about it.

[Brian Redban]

Sad about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me about it.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. It just seemed like he was really feeling bad. It seemed like he was really depressed. And I want to say thank God I'm still back off of the Call of Duty camo grind. And, Tony, I've literally. I've been doing the row machine. Guess how many miles they do row machines in meters, but guess how many miles I've done since the beginning of February on the row machine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many?

[Brian Redban]

61.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Brian Redban]

I am doing a shit ton. It's wonderful. I'm listening to Blues Traveler exclusively. It's been a very therapeutic big thing for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you thought about. Because we have a very, very beautiful, very famous river here. Have you thought about rowing in real life?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. Well, I've looked up clubs. They have clubs here in town.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So maybe one of you don't even need a club. You could just have your thing. You could just have your thing and go out there, your canoe.

[Brian Redban]

I need to figure it out. I need to figure out the logistics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have your own kayak. Could have a kayak.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In row.

[Brian Redban]

Maybe I'll start doing that. We'll see. I don't know, Tony. I'm figuring it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there something about. Where is the rower in your house? Exactly what part of the.

[Brian Redban]

It's not in my house. It's at a gym. It's at a gym. It's not at my house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maybe if I can get out of.

[Brian Redban]

The one bedroom apartment, I'll. Maybe at some point. It's a dream to get a rowing machine. I get in my car today, Tony, and the fucking volume doesn't work. I'm trying to listen to some Blues Traveler. I was going to listen to Hook on the way over here and the fucking volumes busted on the fucking Volvo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? How could that possibly be. How could the volume be busted?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know. I was trying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Now, when you say the volume's busted, does that mean you can hear it a little bit?

[Brian Redban]

No, not at all. It wasn't even working at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. My goodness. So. But when you get to the gym, you put in headphones, correct?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I guess. The kind that you just put inside of your ear. Ear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that would be. That would be.

[Brian Redban]

So you kind of do. It's a good kind to do, Tony. I swear, I don't Think I've eaten enough food. I've been burning all these calories. I feel insane. I feel crazy, kind of. I had a Cliff bar on the way over here, but I don't think I've eaten enough. It's not good right now. I feel like I'm sweating. I feel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do or you are? There is a little bit of perspiration happening. Happening. There's a lot of food up in the green room. You didn't want to partake in any of that?

[Brian Redban]

No, not ever since it got me sick. I cannot believe y'all still have that food up there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[Brian Redban]

I cannot believe y'all still have him make bringing the food up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean it got you sick?

[Brian Redban]

Like a year ago. Got me sick as I ate one of the cheese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't you kind of always get sick from things?

[Brian Redban]

I just think seven tacos up there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

No, I'm kidding. It's pretty good food. It's good. I don't know. I just didn't eat it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Didn't want any of it today.

[Brian Redban]

Just didn't want any of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You'd rather be hungry?

[Brian Redban]

Rather be starving? What kind of car do you drive, William? Volvo. Okay. That's it. Just curious. Safe cars. It's a safe kind of car. Is it newer or an older model? Maybe 2012. Okay. Volume don't work. Volume does not work. Today's the first day that happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How far is the gym?

[Brian Redban]

I feel like now he suspects Foley broke the knob on the volume.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How far is your gym? How long is your drive in your car?

[Brian Redban]

10 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you drive over the river to go row in a gym?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your gym's on that side of the river.

[Brian Redban]

It's over by In Attack. I watched what is the office space last night? Yeah, it's right by In Attack. It's very close to In Attack. I took a picture outside of the building today. I did put the timer on my phone, but I'm standing right before the entrance of In Attack. It looks almost the same, too, right? I know. It's so exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever thought about perhaps inviting Red Band with you? You guys could row together.

[Brian Redban]

Can you swim? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. William A fun fact. He's a superior athlete. A former cycling champion motherfucking state champion of Tennessee.

[Brian Redban]

I will be honest. There weren't a lot of people in the race, but the state champion of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tennessee, he's very close with Austin Zone, Lance Armstrong.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it was wonderful. We, my mother and I, I don't Think I've said this on here, but my mom and I met him when my mom was helping my brother move to town and we meet Lance Armstrong up there and my mom's talking to him and she's like, yeah, William's dad rides a lot. Not as good as you, obviously. And he looks at her and he's like, yeah, no, yeah. Oh my gosh. It was kind of insane. I love, love the guy. I still love the guy, but it was insane. Yeah. Nobody was insinuating my sweet father was faster than Lance Armstrong. It was insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't normally talk about my personal life on the show very much, but I golf with Lance Armstrong, that's one of my golf buddies. And he is ridiculously competitive. Even though he's great at everything, he's still very competitive. So to hear that, to hear that your mom, the sweet southern, little tiny sweet lady, so sweet, she's been on this show. One of the great guests are the Montgomery's. The only duo of parents to ever sit on the panel of the show. To hear that she said, well, not as good as you obviously is just. I can't even imagine what he must have thought. Just what a stupid piece of shit she is in that moment, in that moment. Even though I don't think that. I know that he thought that. There's no doubt about it for sure. Just what a dumb piece of white trash, this lady.

[Brian Redban]

Stupid woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, stupid woman. Crazy thing.

[Brian Redban]

Real racist too, you're saying. Yeah, stupid white woman. He was calling her that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's fun. William, what else is going on before we get out of here?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I'm getting. Nobody wants to hear this, but I'm getting back on the all brand buzz because, Tony, I've been drinking protein shakes after I work out and I've been going to and three days without shitting. So I've got to get back. But it's so weird. Tony, everybody, again, be careful. This is really a warning. I used to love the Albry and Buds. I was eating them every day for probably a year and then I had to stop. I overdid it. So now I'm looking at it every single morning and I can't bring myself to open up the box but I'm going to have to because I'm now at day two of not shitting and I ate a bunch of food last night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. This is very, very, very in depth interview.

[Brian Redban]

You should have done her laugh. That was so funny, the laugh you have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we could do it right now.

[Brian Redban]

Hit it you haven't shit in, like, two days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two.

[Brian Redban]

A.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1, 2, 3, 4. That is an amazing sound effect. Brought to you by Talk Space and Shopify. William, you are the absolute best. You are a legend.

[Brian Redban]

We love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we did it again. These are the RU Garbage Boys.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Route 66 out now. On their YouTube. Go to YouTube. Type in are you garbage? Truly one of the funniest podcasts. Two of the funniest human beings. Are you garbage? Are you R o u t e 66. There it is. Turn that up. Thank you so much, everybody. Red band, you want to say anything, check out the secret [e-mail] Love you guys. Big, big announcement. Coming, coming. Stay tuned for those of you that live around the world. Chris Rogers, what do you got tonight? What do we got over there? Oh, Matt Muling. Look at that. Wow. Unbelievable. Incredible. All right, audience, we love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

So the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Saint.