#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER

Summary

Kill Tony Episode #709 – Featuring Big J Okerson & Bill Maher Released on March 4, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In episode #709 of Kill Tony, recorded live from the vibrant comedy scene in Austin, Texas, hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban welcome a star-studded lineup of guests, including the renowned comedian Bill Maher and the legendary Big J Okerson. This episode is a whirlwind of hilarious one-minute stand-up performances, insightful interviews, and candid conversations that delve into personal anecdotes, societal observations, and the unfiltered world of stand-up comedy.

---

Main Guests

Bill Maher and Big J Okerson

Introduction and Banter

The episode kicks off with the energetic introduction of Bill Maher and Big J Okerson. Tony and Brian express their excitement about having such illustrious guests on the show.

• Tony Hinchcliffe [00:27]: “This is an incredible, incredible booking. One of the most legendary guests in the history of the show.”

Discussion on Kill Tony

Bill Maher humorously interacts with the hosts, discussing his unfamiliarity with the show’s format and making light of the unique dynamics on stage.

• Bill Maher [07:10]: “I love this show, though. What was your name again?”

Promotion and Personal Insights

Bill Maher takes a moment to promote his favorite comedian, Kyle Dunnigan, and shares personal insights about discovering his Jewish heritage.

• Bill Maher [22:09]: “I found out four months ago that I'm Jewish. That's how good Jews are at hiding.”

• Bill Maher [24:05]: “I've never thought of it, but you're right. She was very smart.”

Humorous Exchanges

The conversation flows seamlessly between humor and personal stories, showcasing Bill’s trademark wit and Big J’s charismatic presence.

• Bill Maher [22:12]: “Because I'm not making any money on my investment properties. What the fuck?”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bill Maher [07:36]: “I love my sharia more, by the way. Great song.”
• Bill Maher [22:09]: “I found out four months ago that I'm Jewish. That's how good Jews are at hiding.”

---

Hans Camp

One-Minute Stand-Up

Hans Camp returns to the stage with a fresh one-minute set, reflecting on the aftermath of the recent elections and societal changes.

• Hans Camp [10:57]: “I can't wait for the grocery store prices to go down as soon as we're done kicking out all the people that grow our groceries for us.”

Interview and Personal Stories

Tony engages Hans in a heartfelt conversation about his mother's passing and the impact it had on his life, blending humor with emotional depth.

• Hans Camp [38:52]: “She couldn't speak anymore. She was like...”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Hans Camp [10:57]: “I never used to say retarded, but now I say retarded. In New York, we don't say that.”

---

Miles Johnson

Short Stand-Up

Miles Johnson gears up for his one-minute performance, bringing his unique comedic flair to the stage.

Interactions and Banter

Tony and Brian commend Miles for his impeccable timing and humor, reinforcing his status as a top-notch comedian.

• Brian Redban [13:08]: “I haven't seen Miles in a while and I will say he's getting too handsome for comedy.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Brian Redban [13:13]: “I mean, it's all autumn colors, but it's all of the autumn colors. Your hair's coming in nice. You look fantastic.”

---

Eve Ellen Bogan

One-Minute Stand-Up

Eve Ellen Bogan delivers a sharp and edgy one-minute set, touching on her experiences relocating from New York to Texas and the cultural adjustments that followed.

• Eve Ellen Bogan [34:00]: “I moved here to Austin like a year ago from New York, which makes me better than everybody.”

Interview and Personal Challenges

The conversation shifts to Eve’s personal struggles, including coping mechanisms like self-inflicted bangs and dealing with anxiety.

• Eve Ellenbogen [43:03]: “I cut my bangs to cope with my hair. That's better than a lot of things.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Eve Ellenbogen [34:00]: “I don't follow the Jew rules. I eat bacon. I love, love foreskin.”

---

Sharon Ruth Hensley

One-Minute Stand-Up

Sharon Ruth Hensley brings her sharp humor to the stage, discussing her transition out of being a sugar baby and her quirky habits.

• Sharon Ruth Hensley [47:11]: “I have hyperhidrosis. Someone should have told me sooner.”

Interactions and Personal Stories

Tony and Brian engage Sharon in a light-hearted conversation about her unique lifestyle and comedic perspective.

• Sharon Ruth Hensley [48:22]: “I prefer uncircumcised because they're really good at doing my favoriteest thing ever.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sharon Ruth Hensley [47:11]: “I have a nine and a half and have hyperhidrosis.”

---

Benny Boy

One-Minute Stand-Up

Benny Boy captivates the audience with a bizarre and entertaining story about attempting to steal a television, blending absurdity with dark humor.

• Benny Boy [66:31]: “I grabbed the TV and immediately I went, ah, this thing's too fucking heavy.”

Interview and Dramatic Narratives

Tony delves into Benny’s past, uncovering his brushes with criminal activities and his colorful adventures.

• Benny Boy [75:28]: “I signed up every week, all right?”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Benny Boy [66:31]: “The TV was too heavy for me to make it back to my truck.”

---

Chris Cabral

One-Minute Stand-Up

Chris Cabral humorously addresses a mix-up regarding the measurement of his penis, turning an embarrassing situation into comedy gold.

• Chris Cabral [74:14]: “They measured the umbilical cord instead of my penis. So, yeah, it was kind of embarrassing.”

Interactions and Personal Stories

Tony and Chris engage in a playful exchange about his stand-up journey and his unique experiences as a comedian.

• Chris Cabral [93:27]: “I was a park ranger in my civilian life.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chris Cabral [74:14]: “I've been watching these Joi videos. J O stands for jerk off instruction.”

---

Marvin Izzy

One-Minute Stand-Up

Marvin Izzy shares his tumultuous journey, including a heart attack and his struggles with addiction, all served with his signature humor.

• Marvin Izzy [86:28]: “I suffered a heart attack a year ago... I was on a red band diet.”

Interview and Personal Reflections

Tony and Marvin discuss his near-death experience, coping mechanisms, and his path to recovery, highlighting his resilience and comedic outlook.

• Marvin Izzy [90:27]: “A heart attack happened in my house. I felt weird in the chest.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Marvin Izzy [86:28]: “I was trying to get on the big AJ diet, but I just, you know.”

---

Jared Zeller

One-Minute Stand-Up

Jared Zeller offers an array of impressions, including a controversial take on Kamala Harris, blending political satire with personal anecdotes.

• Jared Zeller [102:05]: “I want to hear you, Kamala Harris, act like a real person, man.”

Interview and Personal Stories

The hosts encourage Jared to delve deeper into his comedic inspirations and personal life, unveiling his experiences and motivations behind his humor.

• Jared Zeller [113:07]: “I was in Moscow, Russia, and a little kid latched onto my leg.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jared Zeller [102:17]: “You know me, man. Hey, man.”

---

Cam Patterson

One-Minute Stand-Up

Cam Patterson injects raw humor into his performance, tackling topics like relationships, self-improvement, and societal expectations.

• Cam Patterson [117:00]: “I was a pimp. I sell pussy. Which is insane.”

Interview and Personal Insights

Tony and Brian engage Cam in a candid discussion about his comedic style, personal growth, and his perspectives on various social issues.

• Cam Patterson [121:27]: “I hate Disney World. It's for kids, man.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Cam Patterson [118:00]: “I'm done. Thank you so much.”

---

Host Interactions and Banter

Throughout the episode, Tony and Brian maintain a lively and dynamic rapport, seamlessly transitioning between guest segments, sharing inside jokes, and navigating the unpredictable nature of live comedy. Their interactions often highlight improvisational humor, reacting to guest stories with laughter, disbelief, and playful teasing.

Notable Host Quotes with Timestamps

• Tony Hinchcliffe [99:25]: “Do you think maybe you should get a dog instead of all those cats?”
• Brian Redban [95:07]: “That was definitely the scenic route to his truck.”

---

Themes and Highlights

• Personal Struggles and Triumphs: Many guests share deeply personal stories, such as dealing with family loss, battling addiction, or overcoming health crises, all while infusing humor to connect with the audience.

• Cultural Observations: Discussions often touch upon cultural differences, immigration, and societal norms, providing a comedic lens through which guests and hosts dissect everyday issues.

• Comedy and Creativity: The episode underscores the creativity and resilience required in stand-up comedy, with guests narrating their unique paths to finding humor in life’s challenges.

• Interplay Between Hosts and Guests: Tony and Brian’s ability to engage guests in meaningful yet humorous conversations adds depth to the episode, making it both entertaining and insightful.

---

Conclusion and Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, Tony hints at a significant upcoming announcement related to the Kill Tony show, enticing listeners to stay tuned for future developments. The hosts also express gratitude towards their sponsors—Via, BlueChew, ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter, and PrizePicks—for supporting the show. The lively atmosphere culminates in a heartfelt thank you to the audience, closing the episode on a high note.

Final Host Quote with Timestamp

• Tony Hinchcliffe [124:49]: “Thank you. Good night everybody.”

---

Notable Quotes Collection

• Bill Maher [07:10]: “I love this show, though. What was your name again?”
• Bill Maher [22:09]: “I found out four months ago that I'm Jewish. That's how good Jews are at hiding.”
• Eve Ellenbogen [34:00]: “I don't follow the Jew rules. I eat bacon. I love, love foreskin.”
• Benny Boy [66:31]: “The TV was too heavy for me to make it back to my truck.”
• Chris Cabral [74:14]: “I've been watching these Joi videos. J O stands for jerk off instruction.”
• Marvin Izzy [86:28]: “I was trying to get on the big AJ diet, but I just, you know.”
• Jared Zeller [102:17]: “You know me, man. Hey, man.”
• Cam Patterson [117:00]: “I was a pimp. I sell pussy. Which is insane.”

---

Final Thoughts

Episode #709 of Kill Tony exemplifies the show’s commitment to blending diverse comedic talents with unfiltered and authentic conversations. From Bill Maher’s reflective anecdotes to Benny Boy’s outrageous escapades, each guest brings a unique flavor to the table, making this episode a memorable installment in the Death Squad TV network’s repertoire. Whether you’re a long-time fan or new to the show, this episode offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and insightful banter that captures the essence of Kill Tony.

---

For more episodes and to support the show, visit tonyhinchcliffe.com and follow Kill Tony on Instagram and other social media platforms.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network.

[Brian Redban]

This episode of Kill Tony and every.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything.

[Brian Redban]

The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shopsquad tv.

[Brian Redban]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Wow, how exciting you are here at Kill Tony. Everybody make some noise for Brian Redband. There he is. How about one more time for the best fucking goddamn motherfucking band in all the land. The Kill Tony Band. Brought to you by ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter and Prize Picks. That is indeed huevos rancheros, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo and Raul Vallejo. Nachos motherfucking Belgrande. That is Big Mike live in the flesh. That is the real Big Mike. I know what you're thinking. He doesn't look that big. Well, the podcast adds two feet. This is the sweet, sweet Matt Muhling behind us dressed like a bum next to a barrel fire. This is the great John Dees. The hair is connected to the hat. Fun fact. And that is D Madness wearing his finest pajamas this evening. It is incredible. He rolled right out of bed. Right out of bed to be here tonight. We are gonna have so much goddamn fun. I can feel it in the air. Do you guys feel it? This feels like a hot crowd. I see a lot of goddamn Latinos out here hiding from ISIS right now. You cannot get deported at Joe Rogan's Comedy club. It's impossible. You're protected. In fact, we're all gonna give you all. We're gonna give all the Latinos in the room a little hand stamp to protect you, since we're all part of the current administration of the United States of America. Now, you will be protected as long as the hand stamp doesn't wash off. So you can't do any hard work for all. Right, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible tonight. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by via. Folks, life moves fast. And sometimes you just need a way to relax, recharge, or stay focused without making things more complicated than they already are. You ever try meditating? But then get stressed about how bad you are at meditating. Same. That's why I love Via because they actually make feeling good easy. Half a million customers can't be wrong. Via is changing the game in natural wellness, combining high quality hemp derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids to create real, effective, driven results, not just fancy packaging and empty promises. Want better sleep? More focus? A little boost in the bedroom? Or maybe you just need to chill out because your stress levels are currently at screaming into the void state status. Whatever you need, Via has a solution for you. If you're 21 or over, check out the link to Via in our description and use the code Tony to receive 15% off and free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to Via, get a free gift of your choice after you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Enhance your everyday with Via. It's perfectly browned, it's melty, it's sweet. It's the s'more you just cooked over the fire at Auto Cam. That's right, Hilton brings you new ways to stay where you don't just get nightly s'mores. You also get clubhouse happy hours to.

[Bill Maher]

Gather under the stars, all while staying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In custom designed airstrips, cabins and tents and insanely cool outdoor destinations. If auto camp sounds like a dream, it sounds like it's time to redeem those Hilton Honors [e-mail] Hilton for the.

[Bill Maher]

Stay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When Sweet Tarts dared to combine sweet and tart, they thought, why stop there? Why not create other exciting and unexpected combinations like rainbows and ropes, or fruity.

[Big J Okerson]

And gummy, or chewy and more chewy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why they created fun treats like Sweet Tarts, Twisted Rainbow Ropes, Gummies, Fruity Splits and Chewy Fusions. When you dare to combine, it's sure to blow your mind. Sweet Tarts Dare to combine. Visit sweettartscandy.com to shop now. You guys ready to start tonight's show? Huh? Well, well, well. You guys are here for another Legend episode of the show. This is an incredible, incredible booking. My mind is blown at the fun that is about to happen. One of the guests is one of the most legendary guests in the history of the show, one of the most utilized guests and who I consider to be a king of New York City. Visiting the other guest is one of the most legendary comedians of all time who's never been on the show before. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guest. Wow. Holy Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Bill Maher and Big J Okerson. Bill. Bill Maher. Big J Okerson. Oh, my gosh. How exciting is this?

[Bill Maher]

Okay, calm down. Calm down, people. I know it's exciting to see a big star on your little circus here, but. No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan of the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've never been on before, Bill. I've always wanted to book you. You're one of the few big comedians that I've never been able to have on.

[Bill Maher]

I love this show, though. What was your name again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Tony. I'm Tony.

[Bill Maher]

Why is the band so close to me, Tony? You know, I have a. A little rule to not have my back to black people. Well, I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're all right. The one we're directly behind you is blind, so he doesn' exactly where you are.

[Bill Maher]

I love my sharia more, by the way. Great song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a Stevie Wonder. That's D Madness. Those are two different blind black men, Bill.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know all my blind people. I guess I'm a big.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Bill. And Big J Okerson is back. While Bill Maher insists on promoting Kyle dunnigan.com who Kyle famously played RFK Junior and is one of the great comedians in the world.

[Bill Maher]

He's my favorite. I love him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you and Kyle Dunnigan become so.

[Bill Maher]

I just am a huge fan of his comedy. You can go online and if you Google Kyle Dunigan, Bill Maher, you'll see what a huge fan I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. And Kyle Dunnigan is on tour right now, so make sure you get [e-mail] Big J has a brand new special out them. They is out now. Them is out now. They comes out in April and that is on YouTube.

[Brian Redban]

YouTube.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big J Okerson, truly two of the best comedians working today. Big J, you've been on numerous times. We're so happy to have you back.

[Brian Redban]

I'm happy to be back, man. Austin, Texas, a bunch of fucking weirdos across street at a bar, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. They are waiting. Over 200 lonely souls, waiting, hoping, praying for the opportunity. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then. Or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. We all fucking try to help them out, Find out more about them. Find out what's interesting about Their lives. The whole thing is improvised. Have you ever seen this show before, Bill?

[Bill Maher]

You know, I haven't, but I. I'm a huge fan of the. I see the clips. You know, I have a black hooker here who's a huge fan. She's waiting in the green room, so I have to make this kind of quick. She charges about a bitcoin an hour, so I want to hurry it up. Well, plus, I'm actually a little. A little high right now. A little? Who am I kidding? I'm higher than a Sherpa pussy. You don't know Sherpas. They're in a high altitude. They bring fat people's stuff up Mount Everest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. This is exactly how I've always expected Bill Maher to be. This is incredible. I can't believe Bill Maher is here. While we go wrangle that comedian, the first bucket pull from across the street, we have someone special here to start tonight's show. It has been a long time since we've seen this young man. Ladies and gentlemen, a kill. Tony, hall of famer, former regular. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Camp. Hey, what's up, guys?

[Bill Maher]

Good to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm glad the election is over. That shit was horrible. Now the. Now the only campaign I have to worry about is trying to understand what Cam Patterson is saying to me. I. You know, I can't wait for the grocery store prices to go down as soon as we're done kicking out all the people that grow our groceries for us. Thank you, Latinos, for coming after your protest tonight. I don't get why Trump blames immigrants so much. How are they to blame? They just got here. They had no time to fuck anything up. These people who have been here a while, maybe they're the problem, huh? These fucking Native Americans, you know, they had their turn. Thank you guys so much. Wow. Exactly one minute. Hans Kim. Thank you, Tony, Back in front of everybody here.

[Bill Maher]

By the way, you didn't do the land acknowledgement. Don't you tiktokers like to do a land acknowledgement before the show?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what does that mean?

[Bill Maher]

Well, he brought up the Indian people. You don't know about land acknowledgments?

[Brian Redban]

Come on.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, you do.

[Brian Redban]

Every time you do a show, you're supposed to thank Indians for letting us do it.

[Bill Maher]

All right? Yeah, you say. You say this club is. Was situated on the unceded territory of the Chicka Paca people or whatever, and then, you know, you go we, you know, this is their land that we stole and they are never getting it back. That's what you do. That's what tiktokers too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, band, relax. Jesus Christ.

[Bill Maher]

I found that offense.

[Brian Redban]

He took us there.

[Bill Maher]

The drums was a little much wild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got this place in.

[Bill Maher]

I made a point and then they made it offensive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hans Kim, it has been a while. You're back. It was a solid minute. Big J, what do you think about this sweet boy?

[Brian Redban]

I haven't seen Hans in a while and I will say he's getting too handsome for comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Success is looking good on him. He's fashionably mismatched.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Brian Redban]

I mean, it's all autumn colors, but it's all of the autumn colors. Your hair's coming in nice. You look fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Big J.

[Brian Redban]

This is a compliment. Underneath all of it, I promise you.

[Bill Maher]

Would make a beautiful woman. Have you said that before to him?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he doesn't.

[Bill Maher]

If you want to go transition. Yeah, that's what the kids are doing. You know, they just play go fish with their genitalia now. That's the big thing. They're gonna go Asian.

[Brian Redban]

Asian is the best starting point for a good trans move, though.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, thousands of dollars of electrolysis, you don't have to spend.

[Bill Maher]

They're beautiful men.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are very hairless, Hans. Is this true? Yes, I. You know, I'm sleek. Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Aerodynamic like a dolphin, I'm guessing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it. What are your pubes like, Hans? Oh, they're a mess right now. Oh, I bet they look like a pile of pad Thai down there. They're Japanese porn level right now. Oh, yeah, it looks like you.

[Brian Redban]

But they're very. But they're pin straight, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's straight hair. It's amazing. Your Asian pubes are totally straight. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. Gets in the way. It overtakes my dick in like five months, you know. Well, that's because you have the keratin. Yeah. And having the dick of a five month old. Do you ever decorate it? Since you can do things with your pubes, do you ever do like haircuts or like perhaps like a big J mohawk type of look or like spiky? Ever put gel in it? I usually just go clean shaven. I did the Hitler once as a joke. She was not on board. She's Jewish. Ah, indeed. It's like a holocaust down there. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

If I was Asian, I would put a dragon condom on my wiener. When you unfurl, it's like one of those dragon costumes that 18 people get in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

For the new year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Have you ever done anything like that, Hans? Yeah, of course.

[Brian Redban]

Maybe some lanterns. I'm just thinking out loud.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Incredible. What you ever. You ever do, like, the chopsticks thing down there or anything? Like a ponytail? Like my balls or. I don't know what else is going on in life. I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana, doing the little Summit City, a big Summit City comedy club. There was a guy there when. A full confederate flag tracksuit. Nice. Holy.

[Brian Redban]

That's custom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Where do you get that? Yeah, I thought it was a new Kanye merch. Yeah. Either way you slice it, one of your people made it. Either they made it or they dry cleaned it. One or the other. We'll figure it out.

[Brian Redban]

A confederate tracksuit sounds like something Kid Rock gives you if you get wet at his house. He's like, oh, dude, my clothes are soaking wet. He goes, that's cool. Go grab a confederate dresser out of the guest closet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No doubt about it. You ever meet Kid Rock? Never. How about Kid Walk? Well, Hans, anything else we should know about before letting you go? I was on Dr. Phil Live. Amazing show. I was at Salt Lake City. Yeah. Talked about soaking a lot. Okay, what about soaking? Apparently, you lay on the bed and then someone jumps up like a tempurpedic commercial. Shake the bed. Yeah. You can't move. Moving is moving. Moving is fornication. It's against God. So you have to just put it in there. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And then a third person jumps on the bed. Yeah, I didn't know that part.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I've never heard of the jumping on the bed part either. That might have been a. It's not jumping. They sit there and shake the bed really hard to try to get you to fuck.

[Brian Redban]

So, yeah, it doesn't necessarily matter what they're doing the bed. It was the fact that there was other people in there facilitating the motions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's wild. All right. You guys just talked about it. You didn't do it. No, we didn't have sex on stage. Okay. All right, Hans. Well, you got spoiler alert. I was gonna watch. Hans, you got tonight's show started. It has begun. All thanks to you, the great Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. And now it has begun. And we go to the bucket, which has a mind of its own, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, there she is. Live in the flesh. The one and only Heidi.

[Bill Maher]

No, that's not the DEI I was hoping for. I like him a little darker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, your first bucket poll of the night goes by the name 60 seconds uninterrupted for Gabriel Kerr, everyone. Here we go. Gabriel Kerr.

[Bill Maher]

I saw an ad on a porn site recently and there's just a guy standing there by himself completely naked, right? And he's got his dick in one hand and a Pringles party stack can in the other. And they're the same size. So now I'm not watching porn, obviously. I'm googling how big that fucking Pringles can is. Save you guys the trouble. 16 inches. That's a lot of fucking Pringles. You know what I'm saying? Do the math that. That's two 8 inch dicks. That's two good dicks. I feel like you guys need a visual. I could stand here tonight with that Pringles can and fuck it and then another guy with the same size dick as me could fuck the other side and there'd still be a stack of Pringles in the center and it'd be safe to eat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gabriel Kerr with a minute and some change. Welcome. It's been a long time. You've been on the show numerous times before for. Welcome back, Gabriel.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A long time.

[Bill Maher]

It's been like three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. That was a good set.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been working hard on your stand up comedy?

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You still live here in Austin?

[Bill Maher]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Bill Maher]

Just this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just do stand up?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I had a rental property, but that. It's no longer a good business, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It'S no longer in business.

[Bill Maher]

A good business.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What happened to the business? Why is it no longer a good business business?

[Bill Maher]

Because the rates are through the goddamn roof.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interest rates.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's not profitable for you? Do you still have it? What are you doing with it?

[Bill Maher]

Breaking even.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Jared Zeller]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is like Mad Money with Jim Cramer except very unprofitable version of the show. Incredible. So, Gabriel, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Bill Maher]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years. How old are you?

[Bill Maher]

41.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how do you make money doing this?

[Bill Maher]

I produce a couple shows in town.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And they do good. They're weekly shows. Okay, guys, have you ever seen anything quite as adorable as Gabriel Kerr?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, me. I want to hire this guy to go to malls with me and try on clothes so I don't have to be embarrassed first. But do I look good in this? Your set was very funny, but mostly I was thinking, like, I guess I could pull off a white tracksuit. It was fun to find out. We look Great. Dude, fuck the haters. We look great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at this. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Over my hoodie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know two guys that are gonna fuck a Pringles can tonight together.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, man, I'll be honest with you. I could be another friend. And honestly, if my dick hits the Pringles, I'll eat the first few. Whatever comes out on my pre jizz, I'll eat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. It says plain, but they taste like French onion.

[Brian Redban]

This is sour cream and bleach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gabriel. What else is going on in your world, huh? What else is going on in life?

[Bill Maher]

I found out four months ago that I'm Jewish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Four months ago? Yeah. Wow. How did you find this out four months ago?

[Bill Maher]

That's how good Jews are at hiding. There was one in here for 40 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But how did you find out?

[Bill Maher]

My grandfather died and my grandmother told my dad that she's Jewish and had been like him her whole life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah, I kind of see it. Yeah, there it is. No doubt about it.

[Bill Maher]

And you got the yarmulke on your head right now, too. You got to push it down a little.

[Brian Redban]

Are you happy about the news? I feel like you said it like you just got terrible news.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, because I'm not making any money on my investment properties. What the fuck? Yeah, clearly I'm not a good Jew.

[Brian Redban]

He's like 23andMe called and they wouldn't give you the results. They were like, no, you gotta come in. What? I just wanna know, am I Irish or what? He goes, we just need you to come to the office, please. I've got terrible news for you. Put your house in order. You're Jewish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. This is incredible. So you found out four months ago. Did your grandpa leave you money? No, I thought he was Jewish.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, he took it with him to the grave.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. You still have used to, like, have, like, this crazy love life. I kind of remember. Right. Like threesomes or something. Right? Remind us, what was it again?

[Bill Maher]

My wife and I. Other women.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your wife and you other women? Are you guys still doing that?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's working.

[Chris Cabral]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Works great for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay. And when's the last time you did that?

[Bill Maher]

Six months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it Reddit that you find these people or.

[Bill Maher]

No, there's. There's apps just for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? They are called. Yeah, yeah. Red Band wants to know so that he could nuclear catfish a couple. I'll just be in the kitchen. You guys do your thing. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

He's trying to say politely, Tony, is these girls are fat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is it true they're bigger girls? No.

[Bill Maher]

Do you ever do the. The pegging thing? Have you ever tried that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Bill Maher]

I have a dick. Well, you have what? I have a dick. You can still get pegged. I have a butt plug in right now. In about a half hour. No, it's. Oh, like Bill Maher is the only one keeping the butt plug industry alive. A lot of people do it.

[Brian Redban]

There's a black prostitute in the green room controlling it from her phone right now.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, God, you're right. I'm going to have a prostate orgasm in a few minutes. And I am a squirter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Gabriel, you already have a big joke book, right? There he goes. Gabriel Kerr, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next one we go. Hey, everyone. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets. These erection enhancing tablets make men achieve stronger, harder and longer lasting erections for sexual activities. Bluechew is putting their money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. The process is simple. Sign [e-mail], consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Bluechew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night. So you can plan ahead or be ready whenever the opportunity arises. The best part? It's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. A red band, Tony. I love Blue Chew. They're giving men the best ed treatment out there. Bluechew won't stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. That is the mission. Does it work, buddy? Find out for yourself. With a free month, you could be missing out of some of the best sex of your life. Make life easier by getting harder and discovered. Discover your [e-mail] we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. To realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are Marines. We were made for this. We're in for a treat. This is without a doubt one of the funniest door guys here at the mothership and one of the funniest of the top young rising comedians in the world. It's a good fun chance for the world to get to see. And I don't know what kind of minute he's gonna do, but this is one of our favorite up and coming young comedians. Make some noise for the great and powerful Miles Johnson, everybody. Hello.

[Bill Maher]

This is an impression of a guy who's trying to be threatening, but he forgot his gun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, here it is.

[Bill Maher]

Are we gonna have a fucking problem here, pal?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wanna take it here, dipshit?

[Bill Maher]

Shit like that. I've been jerking my dick crazy. I've been watching these Joi videos. Have you guys seen these? J O, I gotta guys playing Ray Charles right now. That's all right. That's all good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's cool.

[Bill Maher]

It's always white ladies, though. I notice it's always white ladies in the Joi videos. Short for jerk off instruction, by the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Way, for cowards and women.

[Bill Maher]

It's short for jerk off instruction. Can I finish it? Yeah, okay. I think it's always white ladies in the Joi videos. I think it'd be cool if it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was an old black lady. Lady.

[Bill Maher]

Go ahead, Beat your dick off now, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, now.

[Bill Maher]

M. Come on, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You doing all this? J O y.

[Bill Maher]

You need to get a job. That's what you need to get. Your nasty ass, little freaky dicky ass mother.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Miles motherfucking Johnson, everybody. Thank you. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. What you see is what you get. Miles is hilarious. And a very, very nice boy as well.

[Brian Redban]

Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he's a nice guy.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I'm kind of. Yeah, I'm kind of like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. As much as I like you, Miles, I know almost nothing about you. You've worked here for a couple years and we've all been doing comedy together. You're very, very funny. And so tell us what's up? What do you do when you're not doing standup and. Or working here? Usually I'm hanging with my bitch. I wish I could do impressions of a black guy like you do.

[Bill Maher]

What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I do it. Everybody's like, whoa, I think it's cool. Go for it. Oh, I'm so blunt. What is that? Is that you? What's going on back there? Oh, I'm so blunt. John, what are.

[Bill Maher]

That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John, you having your own sound effects is becoming an immediate. What do you mean? Like, you okay? Oh, I'm so bl. That is me. That is me. That's from the British. The British black rapper turned Out. He was like a famous rapper, by the way. Guy in the front row. Oh, I'm so black. Time for some rap music. And that beat dropped, and it's like a historical moment in the history of the show. White guys were dancing. Whoa, Miles, what do you think is the blackest thing about you, other than your face and hair?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, probably my skin. And then.

[Brian Redban]

You throwed your lob to say dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God. Let's just take the body out of it. Let's just take the skin and body out of it. What are you. Are you like a point guard or something like that?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I can play the one and the five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Basketball joke.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, Miles has to. You got to give context to your things before you say them. They didn't get that basketball reference. When you said joi, I knew what you meant, but I'm a piece of shit and a lot of the crowd didn't. But it is a weird way when you give. It's too common for you. That's more the thing you worry about when you say things like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Like, I was giving a girl a, you know, a French toaster the other day. Just moving on from it without explaining that you're like. You guys never heard of that before?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Jerk off instruction. Is that your jam?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I've been. I mean, I've been watching them. I never learned how, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't have a dad. It's funny that you think that's what dads do. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Is that what I was gonna say? Is that what black people think dads do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I didn't have a dad.

[Bill Maher]

I never thought I learned how to jerk off.

[Brian Redban]

So your mom had to be your mom and your dad?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's tough, dude.

[Bill Maher]

I was trying that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Rubbing the old clit.

[Chris Cabral]

I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

Rub it till it feels good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mom. This doesn't work. Mom.

[Bill Maher]

Out of being so nasty right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just rubbing the old cryptorus, Miles. What else? Any other hobbies or fun things that you're into? You seem like the kind of guy that, you know. Chess club or something like that. Chess club?

[Bill Maher]

Bro, the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That looks swollen as.

[Jared Zeller]

Nah, man.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, I like. I meditate and it's not funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's badass.

[Bill Maher]

I like meditate and meditate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get into that in prison or something like that? Like, normally?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I used to be a black disciple, and then, I don't know, I tried to riff. I don't know how to do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're good.

[Bill Maher]

I like this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do?

[Bill Maher]

Do you have a younger sister or Niece asking for a friend. I do. But why do you want to. Nothing. Never mind. You want to tell her? No. My black hooker to hear. Anyway, let's move on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bill Maher likes black women.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. You can Google it. Yeah, it's well known.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Bill Maher]

Everyone, you know, likes their thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you.

[Bill Maher]

Would you fuck Wendy Williams? Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's badass.

[Brian Redban]

So far, the blackest thing about you.

[Bill Maher]

Is I would fuck Cantana Brown Jackson. Okay, this audience doesn't know who that is. That's why you didn't laugh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Miles, Miles, Miles, you are incredible. You are fantastic. You've done it again, Miles. I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You already have one of these. You don't. There it is. Boom. Big joke book for Miles Johnson. And the show continues. And your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eve Ellen Bogan. Eve Ellenbogen. Make some noise for Eve, everybody.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Hi, I'm Eve. I moved here to Austin like, a year ago from New York, which makes me better than everybody. And I don't really blend in very well in Austin. People tell me that. That I have, like, a real New York vibe, which I think is them being like, you're such a fucking jewel. You're such a dirty little Jew. And I'm like, I know. Spit on me. Make me come. Any other Jews allowed in here? Yeah, in the back. I'm not a religious Jew. I'm just a New York Jew, which is like, Jewish, but just for business purposes only. So I don't follow the Jew rules. I eat bacon. I love, love foreskin. Just, you know, together is the best way. On a bagel, it's like a sandwich, you know, it's like a bft, right? Like bacon, foreskin tears. Austin. Living in Austin has changed me a little bit. I never used to say retarded, but now I say retarded. In New York, we don't say that we're better. But then I moved to Texas and almost everyone is retarded.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. There you go. Everyone is retarded. Eve Ellenbogen, Bill Maher.

[Bill Maher]

Well, now that you're in Texas and you seem to be a bit of a floozy. Nothing wrong with that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a whore.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But I have a bit of advice for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Do you know what a Mexican abortion is?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. Okay. Well, you're inevitably gonna get pregnant. Okay. And when you get knocked up by a child to get a Mexican abortion, you get knocked up by a Mexican. A Mexican. And then ICE will get rid of the Baby, for you, it just makes the whole process easier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

That's a good tip. Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I try to help, and I.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Guess it's, like, free, which is, like a Jew thing.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah. So that's good. You guys don't like the Jew jokes?

[Brian Redban]

I don't think we like Jews.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

It's the vibe I got when you said, I'm Jewish. And one guy wooed and then someone shut him down.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

He was like, whoa. Somebody went.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Eve. This is your first time on the show?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been doing stand up?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

12 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

12 years? Years. Almost all of that in New York?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, I started when I lived in Korea. I lived in South Korea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You lived in South Korea?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can kind of see that with the haircut. Very South Korean haircut. Hans Kim was up here with the exact same hairstyle minutes ago.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

The first time I met Hans, I spoke to him in Korean, and he got hard. I think it was, like, because it reminded him of his mom, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So did you see his dick come out of his pubes?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

It's hard. You really got to spread them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But how were. Why were you in Korea?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I spent my 20s teaching English in Korea. I'm 40 now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to do that?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I just didn't want to have, like, a normal. I just didn't want to be in the US So I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah, well, I guess I grew up, and I knew that I would leave. I might. You're gonna. My mom died when I was a kid, and I was like, I gotta get out of here.

[Brian Redban]

Boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boo.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old were you when your mom died? Died?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Stop trying to me, Jay. I, I. I was seven when she died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did she die?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

She died from a brain tumor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Shout out brain tubers.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Does that, like, make me, like. Does that make me kind of like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven is a wild age to have that happen. Where did she, like, explain to you what was happening?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

She. No, she was very sick from when I was, like, five. You guys want to hear this, right? When I was, like, five. She's stopping. She was, like, a lawyer. She's very smart. All this stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You Red band and then she's the butt plug. And then she was very sick from when you were five? Yeah.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

So I can't tell you with this music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can. It's okay. Trust me. The music makes it all right.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

So then she couldn't speak anymore. She was like. And she wasn't really kind of there anymore. And so she didn't tell I knew from other people. But you don't really get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So there was a period of time when you're in kindergarten learning words and colors and everything.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I was like, learning how to spell my name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And meanwhile, your mom was unlearning how to misspell her name at the same time. So you got to pass up your mom in real time.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

You know, I never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaking of real time, Bill Maher is here every Tuesday.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I never thought of it, but you're right. She was very smart. And for a period of time, I was smarter. That's. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

You move to Korea because you are the triangle. That's low risk anal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Low main anal.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Row.

[Brian Redban]

Look. Low anal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mom says goodbye, and you say hello. Mom says goodbye and I say hello. Your mom is looking up at us right now, laughing. I'm kidding. Looking up. I'm kidding. She's not in hell. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She's. She's in heaven. Was she Jewish, too? She's Jewish. She's looking up at us right now. I love it. What's dad like?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

My dad is turning 90 next month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Look at this guy. Putting your mom to shame in years. It's incredible.

[Brian Redban]

What a dream, that guy. 40 years of being single without having to go through divorce or nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude. Incredible.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

He's. He's. He's very funny. That's, like, where it's. You know, our whole family kind of gets it from my dad. He always. James McCann was. Is like, friend of mine. And he loves a joke that my dad told him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Which I hate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear it.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

It was just a quick thing, and I was like, you know, his voice was going. And he goes, sorry, I'm a little horse. I'm a pony. And that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's. Wow. That is a wacky joke.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

James will say it. He'll be like, I'm a little horse. I'm a pony. Because my dad has a fun, Jewy way of saying.

[Brian Redban]

She was going to say an Edward joke or something.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, no, no, no. He doesn't have any race jokes. But there's so many sex jokes. And I have to be like, stop. Like, you're not. I don't want to know you this way. That's what I tell him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's retired, obviously. Yeah. What did he do for work?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

He did a bunch of things, like, first in math stuff, then he owned a little publishing company, then he went to art dealing, and then Controlling the media.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. We know.

[Brian Redban]

Just did the tour of Jewish work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Now he's just running the banks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And to think Gabriel found out he was Jewish only four months ago. He only had a dad like yours. I love it, Eve. So that's fun. So now you live in Austin for the last year.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah, I live in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

East Austin.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, I live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Because my hair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Is that right? So my hair. My bangs are not usually this severe. I did like a taping.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened? Did you d. Madness. Have you been giving free bang cuts lately?

[Brian Redban]

That definitely feels like a boyfriend cheated. She did it herself on a beer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did.

[Brian Redban]

Is this year. Trump's in office now. I don't want to guys anymore.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, no. It's like it's the end of the world. I'm so horny all the time. But no, I. I was have. I did a little taping thing on Friday and I panicked because I get anxious and so I was like on the phone just cutting my bangs and then I went. I think I did okay. And then it didn't look. It doesn't look that great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it'll grow in.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

That's what you learn when you have.

[Brian Redban]

Crazy thing to do alone yourself and super crazy to do while on the phone.

[Benny Boy]

Yeah, you had like one handed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah, it was cra.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like I was.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I was like, I'm in a moment. You know when you're in a moment and you're like, this is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's this.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Or cut myself and I. The banks. I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you think about putting it on speakerphone and setting the phone down? I was. I.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, I was like, in a moment. It was like, I have to do this right now.

[Brian Redban]

She's trying to live on the edge. It's the one step between this and suicide.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

You don't have.

[Jared Zeller]

It is.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

You don't have anxiety. Like, I don't really get crazy anxiety, but when I get it, it's like a full. Like, I'm not here right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you on medicine? Listen for that. No. Okay. How do you handle it? What do you. What are your.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I cut my bangs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's one way to do it. You're a cutter.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah, exactly. I just. I mean, I. I journal. I. I do a little yoga.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

I don't know. I just panic.

[Brian Redban]

Yell at mirrors a lot. You should be better, you basic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

If I talk to the mirror. Listen, I'm like a real basic bitch in some ways. If I talk to the mirror, I'm like, you're Doing great. Like that's what I do in the mirror. And then I'm like, you just cut those bangs. And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, everybody's thinking it. I know you just happened to sign up for my show. I know. It was. If you were on Politically Incorrect, Bill Maher would literally be asking you about those bangs.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

No, listen, I. It's fair. It's fair. There's a picture of me with as a kid where I did the exact same thing. But that was cuz my mother was dead and said, oh, you feel so bad.

[Big J Okerson]

You're so sad about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love your bank. It's very Three Stooges. Thanks right back. Oh, it's like you're looking over a fence upside down at me.

[Bill Maher]

I love it.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Has to do with how I feel in the moment sometimes. My bangs look great right now. You know, I'm getting it together. That's how I feel.

[Brian Redban]

I'll tell you what, the answer to the question, why are your bangs like that? Doesn't. It just brings up more questions. So it's like, hey, why are your bags like that? You go, I was on the phone. You just keep moving on. They're going to be like, that's.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Well, I was, I was coping is what I'm trying to say. I was coping with my hair. That's like, that's better than a lot of things. I don't really drink. Right. I'm better than all of you. All right, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't drink. But. But I can't. You end up with a drunken haircut.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I say knock a few back and go hit a salon, you know?

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Yeah, that's true. It'll. It'll grow in. I got them cut like a month ago and then they grow in faster than the rest of the hair. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Yeah, I love it. It's awesome. Eve Ellen Bogan, welcome to the Kiltoni universe. There's a big joke Buck. Eve, I'd love to have you on the secret show. Oh, look at that. And here you go. You just saw somebody get booked for a real show. Listening to music to distract your mind from thinking about getting that text back. Neutrogena knows you probably don't want all of this overthinking showing up on your face. And with Neutrogena Hydro Boost, it doesn't have to. Giving you weightless hydration that goes deep for juicy hydrated skin. Neutrogena Beauty to a science shop. Neutrogena Hydro boost at your nearest target. Today, your snacking routine can get a little dull. Time for an Oikos remix or Light and Fit remix. Like a crunchy storm of sea salt, praline pretzels, dark chocolate and butter toffee, showering down into a smooth, creamy yogurt. Enjoy six Remix varieties, three Epicomplete Protein Oikos Remix options or three Craveable Light and Fit Remix options. See remixyogurt.com Anything can happen here. Your next comedian. Ooh la la. Your next comedian goes by the name of Sharon Ruth Hensley, everybody. Sharon Ruth Hensley, everyone. Make some noise for Sharon, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Good evening. Kill Tony, people. I am Sharon Ruth Hensley, and I am deeply disappointed that I have aged out of being a sugar baby. Had I known all the ways life was not going to work out for me, I'd have been cool with being kept. Now all the men who can afford me want teenagers, which is super stupid. I passed the Perry part of menopause a while ago. You're not going to knock me up. I can't sue you for child support. I will understand your 80s references because I was alive then. But that's okay. Keep playing in the kiddie pool. Did y'all know there's a bunch of dudes out there paying big bucks for sweaty socks? I wear a nine and a half and have hyperhidrosis. Someone should have told me sooner. I'm gonna be able to keep myself. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Sharon Ruth Hensley. I don't think I've ever been softer in my life. This is incredible. Big J okerson.

[Brian Redban]

That was. I was. Wait. I thought at any given moment she was gonna tear her clothes off and have furries murder written on her body or something. Furries murder. I'm using your platform.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm from Texas, so I'm a carnivore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You're from Texas?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. What part?

[Big J Okerson]

I refer to it as the cesspool. Y'all know it as San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Incredible. You have real, like, liberal hippie vibes.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know. Don't apologize to me. I fucking hate those people. It's incredible that you.

[Big J Okerson]

I can kill my own deer and hang it up and gut it and skin it and cook all the good parts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely amazing.

[Big J Okerson]

My uncle was a career Marine Scout sniper and he trained me on a ranch in Fredericksburg.

[Bill Maher]

I'm starting to chub up. This is getting better. Okay. What else?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm probably one of the few people that, you know that has shot somebody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, tell us about that. This Is incredible little Dick Cheney situation here. No.

[Big J Okerson]

Bexar County Jail let a prisoner out on work release and didn't bother to check to see if he had a job. So he took a via bus to my house and cut my phone and electricity and got himself shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So a guy cut your phone and electricity?

[Big J Okerson]

He specifically told me it was so I couldn't call for help.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, how. Okay, let's just take it one step at a time. You kind of went Tarantino style there. You went the beginning and the end. Now we need to figure out that whole middle part where you find out that your phone and your electricity is cut.

[Brian Redban]

I murdered a felon. I'll see you guys later.

[Bill Maher]

Were you gonna cut your hair and call or were you just going to.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I. I'm old, so. It was before I had a cell phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so. So, okay, so take us through it. You notice your electricity's out, right? Is that the first.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no, he was outside trying to get in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Knocking. Was he knocking on your door, banging.

[Big J Okerson]

On the door, and the front door knob had been broken off and he.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Still couldn't get in at first?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what? Why would he go and then cut your electricity in your phone?

[Big J Okerson]

I guess so the cops didn't get there before he could get in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did he do that before breaking through your door?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not sure what the time frame on which particular criminal activity.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're jumping around here. So you're. Are you standing there with a gun in your hand? You're by yourself on the other side of the door, waiting for it to open so that you can shoot.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I was trained. One, be prepared. Two, if you have the gun out, you have to use it. Three, if you use it, you empty it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's go back to the question that I specifically goes home. It's a pretty simple question. Pretend like you don't know the story. Like the. Like the people here and the people watching at home. So the person's trying to kick down your door, Right? You're on the other side of the door.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With a gun.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you standing there?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With it pointed at the door?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you saying anything back to him while there's a hole in the door?

[Brian Redban]

Big J. I feel like she's gonna be practicing lines. You're gonna say you just fucked with the bull.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, I mean, you better.

[Brian Redban]

Checkmate, motherfucker. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just because.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, your lights are going out. Yeah, yeah, we found it. That's why we do these sessions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're about to make A long distance call to heaven. My uncle was a sniper.

[Brian Redban]

What are you doing? Twin Desert eagles under the things. What you pulling?

[Big J Okerson]

This guy?357 with hollow points.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Oh, my God. Take it easy, Cunt. Eastwood. I. This is incredible. Oh, my God. I. I thought. I thought your was dirty and hairy, but I didn't realize You're Dirty Harry. See the reference? That's a good. Yoni's not even smiling. All right. Incredible. A.357 Magnum with hollow points. Well, the sad thing is he was white.

[Big J Okerson]

No, the dude was a marathon runner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude was a what?

[Big J Okerson]

He was a marathon runner. So he was really muscular, but he was really thin. So the bullets just went straight in and out. They didn't have a time to expand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hilarious. Oh, my God. This is some real Texas wow. Well, the funny thing is, right, People in California and New York are like, what? The bullets didn't have time to expand. Wow. So a marathon runner. And by that we have figured out the race of the man. Am I correct?

[Big J Okerson]

No, he's very Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Mexican.

[Brian Redban]

None of us pictured that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

So you had to aim low.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Incredible.

[Brian Redban]

My face is up here. Juan.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was Miguel. But yes.

[Brian Redban]

Did you kill him?

[Big J Okerson]

I tried.

[Brian Redban]

Aw.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened?

[Brian Redban]

Hey, as long as you did your best, kiddo, we're still gonna go to Pizza Hut. We'll still go to Pizza Hut.

[Big J Okerson]

I am hungry. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fact that he's Mexican does make the catchphrases that she could have said to him a lot better. Right? Yeah. Did somebody order the migas tacos?

[Brian Redban]

Liv Moss. Hey, Pedro. The wall's that way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Brian Redban]

It does make it better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For whom does the Taco Bell toll?

[Big J Okerson]

I like that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Incredible. So you didn't kill him? No. How many times was he shot? Three. Three times. And he survived. God damn. This must be one of Big Mike's relatives in Espanol. What?

[Brian Redban]

Shoulder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

O neck.

[Big J Okerson]

Chest and shoulder. The shoulder was my offshot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did any of these ricochet off of his saxophone? How Mexican was this guy exactly?

[Big J Okerson]

They went into the floor and the wall behind them.

[Brian Redban]

Did your bullet hit the string of bullets that he had crossing over his. And then the one that was smoking from the hole in his 10 gallon hat?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. My goodness.

[Big J Okerson]

He was in the hospital for a month. Because when I hit the shoulder, that's actually what almost killed him. I hit an artery and he had to have several. He had to have several surgeries. And he still doesn't have full use of his arm, which he blames on me. So he's been looking to kill me since then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Bueno. No bueno at all. Do you know what he does for work? Is he the old.

[Big J Okerson]

He's disabled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. Right. Is he a citizen? Is he a legal citizen?

[Big J Okerson]

I enabled him to collect a check from the government for the rest of his life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Isn't that interesting? If an illegal immigrant committing an illegal crime gets shot by a legal American, they automatically get money forever.

[Big J Okerson]

No, he actually is from here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, in that case.

[Brian Redban]

God damn it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'll see about that. I'm gonna talk to my friends in the administration.

[Big J Okerson]

I would appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Was it his right arm? His favorite hand. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

So that's. So you, like, live life constantly looking over your shoulder? That's chill?

[Big J Okerson]

Pretty much, yeah. The first time I did a show, they wanted to promote it and I was so used to being in hiding. Like, I talked to my therapist and I was like, what do you think I should do? Like, if I'm gonna be in this and take it seriously, I'm gonna have to promote what do I do? And she goes, I don't think you're ever gonna feel safe anywhere. So I told the promoter, I was like, go ahead. And then I told them, I was like, well, you know what? If he's gonna kill me, he's gonna have to make a big show of it, you know? Like, I'm real good at seeing if somebody's tailing me or anything, so I've.

[Brian Redban]

Never wished more that I had a laser pointer to just quietly start, like, putting. Dude, dude, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Revenge is a. The good news is you should have killed me. I still got one good arm. You.

[Brian Redban]

They went right through my skinny body.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you thought about, like, having a stage name or not wearing your glasses or something like that? Yeah, that'll really throw them off. Redbud. Hey. I would kill you, but I don't think it's the right beach, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

We talked about it, like, the first time I signed up for an open mic. I put tbd, like, to be determined. And I was like, say tabiti. Like, it's foreign. And people thought it was really cute. They wanted me to keep it. But then I was like, I'm also a writer and I've already been published under Sharon Ruth Hensley. And everybody was like, just for professional purposes, you just need to streamline it and have both.

[Brian Redban]

Do you think maybe you should get a dog instead of all those cats?

[Big J Okerson]

I travel too much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't have cats, right? No, but it's amazing. Cause you seem like you do. No. But instead you fucking kick cats.

[Big J Okerson]

My last dog was a Rottweiler German shepherd mix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you hate Jews. Yeah, that tracks incredible. Boy, you cannot judge a book by its cover here in Texas because you seem like you would just be one of the worst people. It's incredible. Wait, let's see. Redband has a good point. We want to see. You seem like you could be one of those secret hot chicks. Look out there. And would you mind taking off your glasses and kind of like frilling your hair like that real quick? Just out of our own curiosity, can you look that way and. Whoa, whoa. I think I have a 357 in my pants. Now we've come full circle here.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you circumcised?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Jesus. I'm kidding, lady.

[Big J Okerson]

I prefer uncircumcised because they're really good at doing my favoriteest thing ever. Like, an excellent favorite.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

My favoritest thing ever. An excellent impersonation of those tubes filled with water and glitter and stuff. You know, like, now you see it, now you don't see it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I got it. Now finish the next.

[Big J Okerson]

I love an uncircumcised penis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have the thickest white accent I've ever heard. It's literally I can't understand you.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Like, my whole life, people are always like, where are you from? They always think I'm from up north.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it seems like you do. You seem like a wacky Canadian.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know what happened.

[Brian Redban]

She doesn't do a lot of talking. She lets the get home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right, well, Sharon Ruth Hensley, any relation to Hunter Hurst?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know, but I do love wrestling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. The interview, while absolutely incredible. You know, the set was that set. You are leaving here. Don't kill me with a little joke book. Is that a gasp from you guys? You want me to give her a big joke book? All right. Okay. Jesus. I've never heard the whole audience go aw at once like that. This is a true democracy here in America. There's a big joke book for you. You catch like a cat, lady.

[Big J Okerson]

I never said I was sporty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're killing it, lady. You're killing it. I'm sure some open micr is gonna bang the hell out of you tonight. Someone. Someone's blowing the dust off of that librarian tonight. I can tell.

[Big J Okerson]

Find me on Facebook.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Sharon, relax. There you go. All right. Facebook. Facebook.

[Brian Redban]

That Mexican. That Mexican should have thrown her a book. You would have had the higher ground.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You know, she has a secret Only fans. Yeah, that is a. That is a wild lady. You can tell. She has like a sex swing at her place. That's like a kinky, kinky old lady. You guys having fun out there? We just met a cat lady that's secretly a killer. Anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian. Benny Boy, everybody. Benny Boy. That's a new name Here. There we go. Oh, we know Benny Boy. All right. Hello.

[Benny Boy]

How you doing?

[Cam Patterson]

All right.

[Benny Boy]

I'm back. I'm not Nick. I'm back. Anyway, I smoked a lot of pot in the 80s and 70s, maybe 80s and 90s now. I don't care what the fucking temperature is. I'd get so high, it would take me an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes. I did some Coke. I watched it in seven minutes flat. What the fuck? Motherfucker. That amyl nitrate. I thought it was anal nitrate. I've been putting that shit up my ass. No wonder I didn't get high. Yeah, being on Kiltoni. I got some. Some work. I went to Tijuana. I was big down. I was big down there. They said, benjamin Grelli, pendejo grande. It means big funny man in Spanish. They told me, pendego grande. Benjamin Grelli.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was me, all right. Benny Boy.

[Bill Maher]

I think I and the guy just decided to stop smoking pots.

[Brian Redban]

This guy. This guy shot a Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it. This is Bill Maher. Benny Boy, you ever meet Bill Maher before?

[Benny Boy]

Bill Maher?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Benny Boy]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Real time Bill Maher. Club Random. No. Likes black hookers.

[Benny Boy]

Never heard of you. Never heard of you.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. Are you wearing your own merch?

[Benny Boy]

Bill Ma. Aren't you like Left Winger?

[Bill Maher]

Huh? Okay, okay, scram.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is wild that we've had two bucket pulls in a row that were both part of the Manson family. This is absolutely incredible. It's a real reunion here.

[Brian Redban]

This guy definitely plays guitar to a corpse. Just changes her clothes every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Benny, is that. Is that always been what you've gone by on the show? Why does Benny Boy feel like a new name to me?

[Benny Boy]

Because it's first time I used it. I usually use my regular name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why are you going by a new name?

[Benny Boy]

Seems a little bit late for a. I just.

[Brian Redban]

His voice, man.

[Benny Boy]

Just to mix it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Benny Boy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just mixing.

[Benny Boy]

And I thought you might see my name and go, oh, now that guy again. And you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just pull names out of the bucket.

[Benny Boy]

You don't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. The only way to mess it up is by having it be ineligible. Which means I can't read It.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which most likely means they're mentally ill.

[Bill Maher]

He's like. You're like a magician. You. You pull. You make terrible comedians disappear. It is your fortune cookies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Confucius say, benny, tell us, what have we not talked about? We. You've been on the show before just to catch Bill Maher and Big J Okerson up. And you famously, at one point in your life, were friends with Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker. Well, I was call him Richie.

[Benny Boy]

Yeah, well, that. That's what. That was his name, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, y.

[Benny Boy]

Hence. Hence the Richie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true, by the way. That's real. He used to kick it.

[Benny Boy]

Well, I wasn't friends with him. We just had the same heroin dealer. But it's not like I hung around with him and ate cereal with him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Benny Boy]

That would be weird. Eating cereal with a serial killer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what buddies do. Buddies Pass the Fruit Loops.

[Benny Boy]

Richie.

[Brian Redban]

If you had cereal money and milk money, you were getting heroin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You guys were heroin buddies?

[Benny Boy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't do anything gay like eat cereal together?

[Benny Boy]

Oh, no, no, no, no. You got to be gay to do that, Sharon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So did you ever share a needle with him?

[Benny Boy]

Oh, no, no. This was the 80s. You didn't share needles with anybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Benny Boy]

AIDS was rampant.

[Brian Redban]

Did you ever.

[Benny Boy]

You used to be a felon people with him? Did I what?

[Brian Redban]

Did you ever go and could attack people and murder with him?

[Benny Boy]

No. Never saw him actually out of that. That room. My. My dope dealer's room. He lived across the hall, had a pentagram on his floor.

[Bill Maher]

Usually heroin screws their brain. But you got away scot free. It's the.

[Benny Boy]

Oh, yeah, I did.

[Brian Redban]

There's a pentagram on the floor too. Like, it was like. Yeah, that was kind of weird. I guess it was a bloodletting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, Benny boy, tell us something about your life that you've never told us before. You have always been a great interviewee.

[Benny Boy]

Well, I got another story for you. Here we go. Okay, you want to hear about the time I stole a guy's TV while he got up to make a sandwich during a commercial?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stole his TV when he. Yes. Can we get proper lighting for this Kino? He's a great.

[Benny Boy]

A long time ago. I don't do that anymore. Unless I need a tv, that is. Yeah, I was in San Luis Obispo. I better not say the name. The guy might still be alive and who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He ain't coming for his tv.

[Benny Boy]

That's right. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lady that's going to be Murdered by a Mexican with one arm. Before this guy comes to his tv, just go ahead, tell the story, Benny.

[Benny Boy]

Okay, so I just moved into this guest house behind my art teacher's house. This is back in the 70s. And I moved in, I had all my furniture in there, sat down on my sofa and I realized, shit, Johnny Casson's going to be on tonight in about a half hour. And Richard Pryor was on that night, I remember distinctly, who happened to be one of my favorite comedian. And I said, I don't have a fucking TV. It's 11 o'clock, the news is on. 30 minutes, Carson's on. I don't want to miss the monologue. I'm going, where the fuck am I going to get a TV at 11 o'clock at night? I said, I better get in my pickup truck and go peruse the neighborhood. So I did. Driving down the street, not too far from my house, and I see a big picture window. And in the picture window is this beautiful color tv. Back then they weren't all color. This one was. So I kind of said, oh shit, there's a TV right there. So I pulled my truck down a few houses down away because I assumed I'm going to be running out of this house with a tv and I didn't want them to get my license plate. I didn't have time to steal a car. Plus I hadn't done that in a few years and I was a little rusty. So I packed my truck and I did my best cat burglar routine, crawled up to this guy's picture window, looked inside, and there's this dude sitting on the couch watching the news. I'm like, oh shit, someone's home. Wasn't used to going in houses when someone was home. I usually waited till they left. But right next to the TV was a screen door. It was summertime, so the door was open, but the screen was closed. And I'm saying to myself, the TV is right there, right next to the door. If I go around the back, I could just grab that TV and leave. But the fucking guy's there. Next thing I know, guy gets up, he goes up these stairs and he's in this little. In his kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and he starts pulling out mustard and ham, cheese. I'm like, this fucking guy's making a sandwich. It's gonna take him a few minutes to make that sandwich, right? You can't make. Only take me a few minutes to get that T. So he's making his sandwich. His back was to Me, I could see him up there. The TV's there, the door's there. Then he goes in the back somewhere, I assume to the bathroom or something, which is even better. It's like, oh, man, I gotta do this. So I run around the back of the house, I open the screen door very gingerly, like, and I push that little thing, you know, to keep the pump from the door from shutting there. What do you call that? Bill, would you have Door stop, dude. Door stop. Who said that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Benny Boy]

Guy's a genius.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it a doorstop?

[Benny Boy]

Doorstop Idol.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cheese it. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

So it's a story.

[Benny Boy]

I kept the door open.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going, Benny, keep going. You have pure momentum.

[Benny Boy]

And the TV was right there. I opened the door, the tv, I just had to take, like, literally one step. This wasn't a flat screen TV. These were heavy fucking TVs. This thing was way heavier than I expected. And as you can see, I'm a skinny runt. My rap name is Skinny Bastard. Anyway, I grabbed the TV and immediately I went, ah, this thing's too fucking heavy. I'm not gonna be able to make it back to my truck. And the guy's still not there. So I'm outside now, his door, and I look in the back and there's a cinder block wall and there's a shade up against the wall. And there's a ladder right there up against the shed. And I figured, okay, it's easier for me to get to that wall than it is to get to my truck. So I brought the TV back to the shed, climbed the ladder. I put the TV on the roof of the shed, which was right up against the cinder block wall. And there's an alley that goes behind this, all the houses where the garbage trucks go.

[Bill Maher]

I have a black hooker waiting. Let's go.

[Benny Boy]

So I put the TV up there.

[Brian Redban]

Sink, Daddy O sink.

[Benny Boy]

Put the TV up there. As I'm walking back, I look in there, the guy's back to making the sandwich. I see his elbows and stuff. I'm going, okay, he's cool. So I go back to my truck, get in my truck. I come all the way around me, two black hookers go down the alley, start my truck. I climb in the back of the bed of the truck so I could reach the TV from the roof of the shed. Got the tv, put it in the bed of the truck and put a little tarp over it just in case I got stopped, which I didn't. I drive around the alley, I go around the corner. Now I'm going up the street where the guy lives. To my amazement, there's already a cop car there. Police car was there already. So there's two cops and the guy on the front lawn. And all three of them are scratching their heads. And I can only assume they're going, so what the fuck happened? I got up to make a sandwich, come back, and my fucking TV's gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Benny Boy]

That was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Did you make it back in time to plug in the TV and catch the episode of Johnny Carson?

[Benny Boy]

Perfect timing. This is great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Benny Boy]

I couldn't have planned it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, that's our show coming next week when my guests are Benjamin Netanyahu and the Hot Tua Girl. That was a long story. That was a very long story. You got to be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He'S got.

[Brian Redban]

A lot of family that's still worried about him a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Benny boy, it boggles my mind, your ability to tell stories in the interview portion of this show.

[Benny Boy]

Yeah, well, I'm old. I got a lot of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, you just got to keep signing up and do it again.

[Benny Boy]

I sign up every week, all right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is it. This is your odds. Everything makes sense. You get pulled every few shows.

[Benny Boy]

Nothing personal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you crazy? It's a bucket full of names. Psychopath.

[Bill Maher]

You just said, what are you crazy?

[Benny Boy]

I thought you might see my name. Go that's guinea again, and throw it away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The what again?

[Brian Redban]

What stands out about you? Giddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you call yourself a guinea?

[Benny Boy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should do a podcast, by the way, with all these stories and like, of all the people that should have a podcast, you should.

[Benny Boy]

Yeah, yeah. I would love to do a podcast, but I'm not as smart as I look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's perfect. Benny, we love you. You already have a big joke book, right?

[Benny Boy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got one. Don't try to steal one from me here. I'm not making a sandwich.

[Benny Boy]

I saw.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Benny Boy]

I saw you at the secret show and I said, I need another big book. Mine was full. And you said to Yoni, get him another book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did we get you another book?

[Benny Boy]

No, that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. You're a real con artist, you know that? There he goes. Benny boy. Ladies and gentlemen, on to the next one we go. We're flying through him tonight. Benny. What? You just told a 15. 15 minute long story. What else could you possibly want? Last time I have a lady that I'm gonna have shoot you in a second right behind the curtain.

[Benny Boy]

Hey, no, remember, I'm not violent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Benny Boy]

I'm non violent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay?

[Benny Boy]

Last time I was here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Benny, I love you. You gotta go, Benny boy. Ladies, I'm gonna have security choke you the out. Get out of here. I gotta say go. Get out.

[Benny Boy]

It wasn't the first time I've been thrown out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Security. Okay, shut the up. Get out of here. Here. Unbelievable. A throwback to a different time.

[Brian Redban]

That was bat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it was great.

[Bill Maher]

Like a totally different show happened for 20 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't believe. I can't believe you have Benjamin Netanyahu and the Hawk Tua girls.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you wouldn't next week. After that I have Prime Minister Trudeau and Megan the Stallion. So it's a whole month of great shows that we have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So who books do you book it yourself? You always book somebody very important and like, you know, and then someone like that's just like a street rat.

[Bill Maher]

We have Kim Jong Un and the Cash Me Outside girl in April if you want to tune into that. Who else? Bill Martin, King Charles and the Burger King mascot. We got a lot of great people coming up. Real time with Bill Maher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kyle dunnigan.com is what Bill Maher is promoting tonight.

[Bill Maher]

No, I've done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh man, that is hilarious. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Via. Folks, life moves fast and sometimes you just need a way to relax, recharge or stay focused without making things more complicated than they already are. You ever try meditating but then get stressed about how bad you are at meditating? Same. That's why I love Via. Because they actually make feeling good easy. Half a million customers can't be wrong. Via is changing the game in natural wellness. Combining high quality hemp derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids to create real effective, driven results, not just fancy packaging and empty promises. Want better sleep? More focus, A little boost in the bedroom? Or maybe you just need to chill out because your stress levels are currently at screaming into the void status. Whatever you need, Via has a solution for you. Redband Tony.

[Benny Boy]

I love Via.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They are making some of the best hemp and THC products out there. Here's the best part. Via lets you customize your experience. Whether you're looking for daily wellness, laser focus or deep rap relaxation, AKA the kind of chill that makes you one with the couch. Via has it with products ranging from zero to high cannabinoid levels. They've got options for everyone. We're talking award winning effect. Forward Gummies premium indoor grown THCA flower and calming drops all made with organic lab tested hemp from trusted at independent American farms. None of that gas station nonsense and you don't have to jump through hoops or get some weird doctor's note. VIA legally ships nationwide discreetly because, let's be real, you don't want your nosy neighbors knowing your business. No medical card required, no sketchy parking lot meetups, just straight to your door with a worry free guarantee. Not sure where to start? No worries. Via has a product finder quiz that will hook you up with a perfect match in less than 60 seconds. Which, let's be honest, is less time than it takes to decide what to watch on Netflix. So if you're 21 and over, treat yourself to 15% off and get a free gift with your first order using our exclusive code Tony at viahemp.com plus enjoy free shipping on orders over $100. That's V I I A Hemp.com if you're 21 or over, check out the link to Via in our description and use the code Tony to receive 15% off and free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to Via, get a free gift of your choice after you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you Enhance your Everyday with Via Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

And so is the relief from EVGLIS.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After an initial dosing phase of 16 weeks, about 4 in 10 people taking achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

EBGLIS Lebricizumab LBKZ a 250mg per 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled. With prescription therapies used on the skin.

[Bill Maher]

Or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

EBGLIS can be used with without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe.

[Bill Maher]

Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting Epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection searching for real relief? Ask your doctor about eglis and visit ebglis.lily.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-5-4-5,5,9,7,9. Alright, your next comedian. We still having fun out there. Not everybody's. Just old people with crazy stories. Out of this bucket tonight, there's no way. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Marvin Izzy, everybody. Marvin Izzy.

[Marvin Izzy]

This is dope, yo. I'm having a good time, yo. Happy to be here, man.

[Bill Maher]

I'm really happy to be here, yo.

[Marvin Izzy]

Because tonight's normally the night when me and my wife, we do this thing called Netflix and chill. Y'all heard of that? Where she watches Netflix and I have to go chill somewhere else. I'm kidding, man. I love my wife, yo. I have to. She makes more money than me. I realize I'm the housewife. I noticed this the other night when I was ironing her work clothes, which is messed up because she work from home. I need a new weed dealer, man. Last time I hit my weed dealer up was voice text. I say, yo, you on deck. And I sent it. I ain't know, my phone heard, yo, you want dick? So he still serves me weed now. He just don't give me eye contact no more, man. And I need weed for like, you know, tolerate work, man. Like, I can't stand jobs, yo. Like, I don't participate in work functions like Secret Santas. Cause I always end up drawing the co worker I don't like, which is all of them. One time I drew the manager. I ain't know what to get him for Secret Santa, so I got him the best gift. I thought I could give him my two weeks notice. I'm Marvin. Izzy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Marvin, Izzy, Marvin. Welcome. What do you do for work?

[Marvin Izzy]

I'm gonna be an operations clerk starting this Monday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Operations clerk starting this Monday? What. What have you been doing up until this point? And this is this Monday, by the way. You were supposed to start today. It's Monday night now. I think you missed your ship.

[Marvin Izzy]

All right, so I'm unemployed.

[Bill Maher]

Now.

[Marvin Izzy]

I meant to say I start next Monday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what are you. What? Where are you an operations clerk at? That is a professional title. But you didn't tell us where you work.

[Marvin Izzy]

It's a manufacturing company that made me sign an NDA, so I can't say where they at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah, sorry, I.

[Marvin Izzy]

That's what I'm limited at and I just need to start this job, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Bill Maher]

Ever get shot in the shoulder?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your right arm is hanging low. It does look limp.

[Bill Maher]

Something's goofy over there, but okay.

[Brian Redban]

You do have the energy with the audience of like, look, I'm just Trying to get my life together. My wife had a kid while I was in prison. Trying to do the right thing in life. And if you don't laugh, I'm going to go back to murdering whites.

[Marvin Izzy]

Not just whites.

[Brian Redban]

Nice. Like, nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That ponytail is so tight back. It is incredible. You're Puerto Rican?

[Bill Maher]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely incredible. There is a certain amount of absolute pain that they put themselves through before you leave the house.

[Marvin Izzy]

Stretch out the forehead, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely incredible. What do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? Like in your daily routines and whatnot?

[Marvin Izzy]

Believe it or not, I'm watered down, bro. I'm not as Puerto Rican as Puerto Rican should be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You say watered down. Does that mean what you're.

[Marvin Izzy]

I don't eat rice and beans. I don't. I don't.

[Brian Redban]

How many kids do you have?

[Marvin Izzy]

One.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. But.

[Marvin Izzy]

But I did have her when I was 18, so I still gotta, you know, I gotta meet you. I gotta meet the standards in some way, you know?

[Brian Redban]

You live with her?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, no.

[Marvin Izzy]

She in college now.

[Brian Redban]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. Very Puerto Rican. Yeah, absolutely. Who has the tighter ponytail, you or her?

[Marvin Izzy]

Me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Redban]

Nice.

[Marvin Izzy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're saying that hers is loose?

[Marvin Izzy]

I hope that's the only thing that's right.

[Bill Maher]

Doge needs to get in control of your shell budget. I've had too much of this. It's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You better get it together, Bill Maher, because next week on your show, you have Vladimir Putin and Benny Boy. I'm getting words.

[Bill Maher]

That's the right place. Thanks for plugging that, by the way. I was hoping.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Too much fun. This is too much fun. Marvin. Izzy. What's something crazy we'd be surprised to know about you?

[Marvin Izzy]

I suffered a heart attack a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. How did that happen?

[Marvin Izzy]

I was on a red band diet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at red band Wendy's.

[Marvin Izzy]

I was trying to get on the big AJ diet, but I just, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what were you really doing? Tell us about it.

[Marvin Izzy]

I mean, it was just unhealthy eating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like. What? What, what, what? Fast foods.

[Marvin Izzy]

Just Popeyes, McDonald's, Burger Kings. See the thumbs up. The red band diet. You see what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever do any cardio that's genetic.

[Marvin Izzy]

No, I ain't really do. No, I really ain't take care of myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Marvin Izzy]

I'm 39.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus, you had a heart attack at 38?

[Bill Maher]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And where did this happen? How did this happen? Take us through the steps. You're right. You're right. So your right arm goes a little numb?

[Marvin Izzy]

Nah, real shit. Now you fucking with me. I did. I do. My shoulder does hurt, but I ain't know. It was, like, slouching and shit. Like, damn, you got me on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever spent any time in San Antonio?

[Marvin Izzy]

No, never been there. Never been there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Marvin Izzy]

Okay, now, so I came to visit, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Visit where?

[Marvin Izzy]

I came to visit Austin for my first time, like, a year ago, was crashing with David Jolly. And then I came back home, like, yeah, of course. And then, like, two weeks later, I had the heart attack. And then as soon as I got discharged from the hospital, like, the heart attack happened in my house. So, like, I felt weird in the chest, and then it was just like, this don't feel right. And I went to go get some fresh air, and then everything started spinning on me immediately. I was like, all right, we're going to the hospital. By the time I try to get a sweater, because hospitals are cold.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Marvin Izzy]

So I tried to get a sweater immediately. There was a complete detachment from my brain and my body that I was just like, no, call 911. And they came and picked me up, but they didn't believe that I was having a heart attack. They just thought I was ODing on cocaine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Were you?

[Marvin Izzy]

No. Again, no.

[Brian Redban]

Hang on.

[Marvin Izzy]

No.

[Brian Redban]

As a fat guy, are you blaming the wrong thing here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this little not real?

[Marvin Izzy]

I never did cocaine in my life. I'm a major pothead, but I never did coke. But not real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would have assumed you were ODing on cocaine as well. But ODing on cocaine and a heart attack are almost essentially kind of the same thing, right?

[Marvin Izzy]

Yeah, pretty much. But the thing that concerned them was I wasn't like, hypertension or anything. Like, I'm having this heart attack, but I had low blood pressure, so they wasn't taking my. My heart attack serious at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how long until they took you to the hospital? Were they.

[Marvin Izzy]

Well, it was. It was pretty fast. Like, they got me there within, like, 15 minutes, you know, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the doctor's like, it's a heart attack?

[Marvin Izzy]

No, they was observing and try to rule out everything first.

[Brian Redban]

I like, the energy of it was like, this guy thinks he's having a heart attack, I guess.

[Marvin Izzy]

Yes. Yeah, they. They ain't take it seriously. At some point, you know, they was just looking like, how much cocaine have you done? And I'm like, you know, my name's not Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Bill Maher]

That's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you got me. Never tried it before. But I guess that's a thing. I'm a gay cokehead.

[Marvin Izzy]

Nah. But after some point, they had to just rule it in and was like, yeah, you having a heart attack? So they admitted me, and they ran a procedure where they placed a stent in my artery because it was the LAD artery, which is known as the widowmaker. So I'm not supposed to be standing here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Marvin Izzy]

Yeah, they ran it through my wrist, which I'm happy because they said, if they can't run it through your wrist, they run it through your nuts. And I was like, well, I have two wrists and two balls. Let's just try each wrist first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Marvin Izzy]

Yeah. And I'm here to tell y'all about that. So big ups.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations. That is a fun fact. That is the laugh of Fiona Cauley that John Dees has saved on his keyboard. John Dees has some of his own sound. Hit it again, John. That is the great Fiona Cauley, golden ticket winner out of Nashville, Tennessee. Okay, Marvin, you. You've been on the show before, right?

[Marvin Izzy]

Last week in that turbo round.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, congratulations. You got your interview in. You got pulled out of the bucket. There he goes. You got a little joke book?

[Marvin Izzy]

I ain't get nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go, my friend.

[Marvin Izzy]

Hey, why not?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Marvin, Izzy. All right, we're flying through it, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Chris Cabral, everybody. Chris Cabral or Chris Cabrill, perhaps.

[Bill Maher]

Oh.

[Chris Cabral]

All right. Do y'all know I've. I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records. Y'all know this? Yeah, that's pretty cool. World's longest infant penis. Thank you. Thank you. I'm very proud of that. Very proud of that. In fact, the doctors wrote. They hand wrote in my medical records, it says, wow. We thought it was a baby anaconda. Yeah, I'm very proud of my records. In fact, I had my record for about one day. Only one day? Yeah. As it turns out, they measured the umbilical cord instead of my penis. So, yeah, it was kind of embarrassing there. But. But, yeah, so that's my. That's my one minute. Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. 42 seconds from Chris Cabral talking about his tiny penis.

[Chris Cabral]

Yes. Tiny. Tiny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, Chris. Welcome. How long have you been trying stand up comedy? Out.

[Chris Cabral]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. Where at? Where?

[Chris Cabral]

Charlottesville, Virginia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris Cabral]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. That is one of the saddest things that's ever happened in Charlottesville, Virginia. A true tragedy.

[Chris Cabral]

Man, that's brutal. That's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you got me. Chris, how long have you been a retired police Officer for?

[Brian Redban]

I have been like.

[Chris Cabral]

I have been a police officer. I have been way back in the day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, you just stepped on a joke and what?

[Chris Cabral]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nope, nope. Just. Yeah, go ahead, answer.

[Chris Cabral]

No, yeah, I was a. I'm a park ranger in my civilian life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what did you say originally?

[Chris Cabral]

I used to do law enforcement in the park ranger world. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Big J. What did you say?

[Brian Redban]

I forget.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris Cabrill just out here swinging that baby penis around. So what does that mean, law enforcement? As a park ranger, what were you doing exactly? Were you resting? Squirrel. Yeah, yeah, a little spit out the nut. Give me that fucking acorn.

[Chris Cabral]

Yeah, typical law enforcement stuff, but mainly people vandalizing things and kind of doing all that type of stuff. But now I do education for the parks. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaking of squirrels, next week on Bill Maher's show, he has President Zelensky and one of squirrels that he.

[Brian Redban]

All right, good show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't get enough of these Bill Maher bookings. Chris, there has been something that's been happening tonight. I'm gonna catch you up because the bucket pools are brought over here and kind of get to hear what's happening right before they come up. There's been a theme tonight with Eve Ellen. Nope. Sharon Ruth Hensley, older lady, kind of had a rough set and then an unbelievable interview. Benny Boy, mediocre set, game changing interview. A story that would win a fucking Oscar if podcasts had awards. Okay, now what I want you to do here.

[Chris Cabral]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is I want you to think in your head of something of your entire life. How old are you?

[Chris Cabral]

How old do you think I am?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no. Don't ask faggy questions like that. Stick with me here. Just look at me.

[Brian Redban]

55.

[Chris Cabral]

5.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, 5. 5. Very good. Stick with me here. I want you to focus because this could be gold. And we could go 3 for 3 with Unfunny Old sets having unbelievable interviews. If this goes how I think it can go, you're gonna come out of here feeling good. If it continues to go how you've been letting it go, you're gonna go, what the fuck was that?

[Brian Redban]

This is your moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your moment. You have 55 years to reflect on a story or a moment or something interesting about you that is going to change this fucking vibe, this moment that we're in right now, it's all come to this. It's your life. I need you to reflect in your head. Let me give you an example, okay? Sharon Ruth Hensley, a woman who appeared to own all of the cats, turns out, is a gun toting hillbilly, a Texan through and through, even though she looked like she voted for Kamala eight times in eight different states. Turns out she shoots people that try to invade her house with a.357 Magnum hollow point bullets that blast through marathon runners who are currently tracking her down. Right now, sweet little Benny boy comes up with some old timey jokes. It takes me seven hours to watch 60 Minutes. Next thing you know, him and the band jamming up here, talking about a guy making a little mustard sandwich, stealing his tv, a heavy tv, so heavy that he had to take it up on a ladder on his shed, drive his car around. Crazy.

[Brian Redban]

That was definitely the scenic route to his truck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Wild unclevable. Wouldn't even make sense in any other universe other than kill Tony. So now Chris Cabral. Cabral. Chris Cabral.

[Chris Cabral]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now is that moment, John, if you can give me a little something. Lighting. If you give me a little something. This is your moment, Chris. Tell us 55 years to reflect on. Tell us something. Something that would boggle our minds. That you've seen or been part of in your life. Now, this is Chris Cabral.

[Brian Redban]

We vamped for so long to give you time to think, and now this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that moment, starting now. This is Chris Cabral.

[Chris Cabral]

All right, I like the music there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't acknowledge anything. Just.

[Chris Cabral]

I was mugged by a two year old. Yeah. And that is true. That's a true story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, now tell us the story, Chris.

[Chris Cabral]

I was a. On the US national luge team. Y'all know luge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stop asking the audience for their approval. I can't believe. Three years and you've learned nothing about the art form. Chris, just focus in on the story. Don't. Don't acknowledge the art. Pretend like you're just crushing. Stare straight out there.

[Chris Cabral]

All right? I was in Moscow, Russia, and a little kid latched onto my leg. And this turned out to be a big. It was a big deal. I'm trying to get the kid off at a teammate with me. He would not leave this, like zero degrees in Russia. I'm grabbing his head, trying to pull it back. He's going. He just kept on. He wouldn't let go. The kid wouldn't let go. I was with a buddy of mine, a teammate. The mom came out, grabbed my teammates, and I'm still struggling with the kid. He wouldn't let go and his little snot was run down. It was crazy. And I remember I was pulling his head back and he's Going, no, no. And I finally shoved the little baby on the ground. I may have kicked him a little bit, too. Shoved him. And my friend threw the mom into a snowbank because it was the middle of winter. It's a winter sport. And we ran. We ran from the baby and we ran down the street in Moscow and we pounded on the bus to get in, turn around and we get in the bus and the baby was chasing us. We didn't know this. He stopped and he stopped crying. And then he latched onto another leg. So that was my getting mugged by a baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, two for three tonight isn't that bad.

[Chris Cabral]

Good story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a good story.

[Brian Redban]

That was 76% lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty wild. The good news, Ronald Reagan and the baby from that storier on Bill Maher next month.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Chris Cabral]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

Not bad.

[Bill Maher]

I love the plugs. Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Baby. An unbelievably bad story, Chris, you basically assaulted a two year old and threw a Russian woman into a snowbank.

[Chris Cabral]

Yes, that is true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. Chris, what are we missing about you? Anything else before I let you go?

[Chris Cabral]

I'm here in Texas. I'm a reservist in the Air Force and I'm retiring. It was just cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, okay. What have you done in the Air Force? You ever serve overseas other than beating up children?

[Brian Redban]

One person in the universe was excited to meet somebody on the luge team. And instead of embracing that moment of like, well, this is beautiful, he shoved the kid down and they, for no reason at all, brought the mother to watch and then threw her, if I'm understanding correctly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And then threw her into the snow. Like, fuck you, you dumb bitch. That's what you get for. Yeah, we're USA luge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Like, fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. Your perspective is amazing. Big J, you've seen what I was. I completely missed this. The kid was looking up to you.

[Brian Redban]

He's like, oh, my God. He's like, get the fuck this kid off me. Oh, my God. If I had a dime for every goddamn kid who wants to be my child. Because I'm just like a luge guy coming through town, man. Okay? I'm like anybody else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You snooze, you luge. Chris Cabral. Here's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. You're going to catch this. Sure. There you go. Chris Cabral, everybody.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, your final bucket poll of the night, everybody. It's been a Hell of a show. Make some noise for Jalot Zeller. Jared Zeller, everybody. Jared Zeller. Here we go. Oh, oh, look out. Here he is. Making some noise for Jared Zeller, everybody. Wait a second. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, then you play that when he's up here. No, no, that's not how it works. That's intro. Outro is when they're leaving. Intro is when the next person comes up. We're gonna give this guy a fresh start. Ladies and gentlemen, make some no. One more time for Jared Zeller, everybody.

[Eve Ellenbogen]

Thank you.

[Jared Zeller]

So I've been thinking a lot about what Kamala Harris would sound like if she was a guy. So I have an impression of Kamala Harris if she was a guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Please be a good crowd. Please be a good crowd.

[Benny Boy]

Hey, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, man.

[Jared Zeller]

You know me, man. Hey, man.

[Bill Maher]

Hey, man.

[Jared Zeller]

So, you know, I was walking to the store, man, just giving me some Valentine's Day gifts from my boo thing. Dougie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Doug, man.

[Jared Zeller]

You know Doug, man. You know my boo, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And, man.

[Jared Zeller]

No, but my. Nah, but, like, I'm looking for some flowers and mine. Some chalk. And then I pull up to the dude, right? With my chocolates and my flowers, and, man, you know, smelling old good. And my. And I pull up to the dude, right? And the dude, he was like, all right, bet that'll be $50. I was like, $50?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, yo. What the.

[Jared Zeller]

Here's an impression of my. The voice in my head when my jokes don't land the way I want them to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now. Now I am funny.

[Jared Zeller]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. It is bad and awesome at the same time. There's something. It was bad, but there's something weirdly hilarious about you. I love that you blame them.

[Brian Redban]

That was like a fever dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is what Benny boy was like when he was younger or something.

[Bill Maher]

Your act is, like, women over 30. Not for me, but you got talent. You do have talent. I think you should keep going.

[Brian Redban]

He's also dressed very sharp and at the same time, looks like a figment of an imagination. Yeah, like someone's imaginary friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It is incredible. You have a very odd charisma to you, Jarrett Zeller.

[Jared Zeller]

Oh, thanks, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're welcome. You're welcome. You seem a little twitchy, a little high energy. Are you on, like, Adderall or something?

[Jared Zeller]

No, just. Just vibes. Like this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, just vibes. All right. How long have you been visiting from California? Damn, bro.

[Jared Zeller]

I'm, like, actually a Texan. Shit. That's crazy. Okay, now. But my mom wants to Associate herself with being from California, even though she's not. So, like. I. Yeah, I get that, I guess. All right, that was a little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does your mom live in California?

[Jared Zeller]

No, she just likes to visit a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you visited there a lot?

[Jared Zeller]

She took me along. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is.

[Brian Redban]

And you thought it was gnarly, Chad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right. Jared, how old are you?

[Jared Zeller]

I'm 27.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been attempting stand up comedy?

[Jared Zeller]

Two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two years. Where have you been doing that at.

[Jared Zeller]

DFW Area and College Station, Brian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dallas, Fort Worth and College Station. We know it very well. And how often do you make it down to Austin, Texas?

[Jared Zeller]

This is my second time in Austin at. All right, what was the other time with my mom. She took me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Face the crowd. You're slowly turning around completely. You just made direct eye contact with the drummer there. I'm gonna help you out. When you get nervous, you spin around in 180 degrees. Your mom took you to Austin once.

[Jared Zeller]

What did you do to the Domain? We stayed by the Domain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You came to the Austin to go to the worst place in the city. That is incredible. Does your mom do real estate or something like that? What does she do?

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, she does red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band.

[Brian Redban]

That was fair. Fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band.

[Jared Zeller]

That's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band on fire. Right now. He is on fire. Okay, Jared, so this is absolutely incredible. 27. You've been doing it for two years. Is that your best minute or is that your newest minute?

[Jared Zeller]

Man, I feel like I know where this is going to go, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you think this is going to go? Face the crowd. Jerry, you're spinning around again.

[Jared Zeller]

Listen, Tony, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never seen anything like it before. You're like some type of like. Like one of those. What's the thing that you. That's in the middle of like a dinner table. What's that called, Nancy? Susan. What is Lazy Susan? Jared Zeller has the stage presence of a lazy Susan. Is your mother's name Susan?

[Jared Zeller]

No, but, man, it's close, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. That's.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Chloe?

[Jared Zeller]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stacy.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah. Stay with. Stay with the S. Stay with the S. Yeah, but I'm not gonna. You know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. You don't need to throw your mom under the bus.

[Jared Zeller]

Thank God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very close with your mother, aren't you?

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still live with her?

[Jared Zeller]

No, I just recently moved out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your first time living on your own?

[Jared Zeller]

Second time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened the first time?

[Jared Zeller]

The first time I had to move back in with my parents because I hit an 18 wheeler on a motorcycle with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you were in the motorcycle.

[Jared Zeller]

I was on it. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you had no helmet on and. Yeah, this is all starting to make sense. Were you twitchy and kind of jittery before that?

[Jared Zeller]

Dude, actually, I mean, yeah. Okay, but maybe it's more now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is. It has to be. It has to be.

[Brian Redban]

That was like coming out of a stupor when you said that. I was hit by an 18 wheeler on a motorcycle. All right, you're doing great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Then were you going down the freeway at some point and perhaps got a little nervous and turned around and started going the other way? Head on to traffic?

[Jared Zeller]

I don't know, dude. It was. Honestly, I. I don't remember. So, like. Yeah, that's nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But extreme head trauma.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, okay, so, Jarrett, you hit an 18 wheeler, so you had to go back live with your parents, right?

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, because I had the neck brace and the crutches. Like, I had to learn how to walk again, so they had to like, you know, help me at the shower chair, but, you know, all that stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn. All right.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

You're good looking, though. It feels bad for you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[Jared Zeller]

I'm good. I'm feeling it, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You dress well. You have good stuff going on. What's your. You have a good love life?

[Jared Zeller]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Definitely not.

[Bill Maher]

No, you dress well, but you're. You're one unbuttoned from douchebag. But you look good.

[Brian Redban]

You also have a Norman Bates relationship with your mother. I worry that you can't. Mother. Is this one good? No, mother. I like this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the mom's name in that?

[Brian Redban]

I don't remember the mother nor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, I forget it. Yeah. All right.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, I'm close to my mom, dude. I'm. Yeah, I don't give a. Dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Jesus. We get it. We know. We know she let you wear her pants to the show tonight. E for being Jarrett. What do you do for work?

[Jared Zeller]

I deliver blood from a blood bank to hospitals.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ.

[Jared Zeller]

Is that it? I feel like they. I don't see what the problem is. I don't. Oh, I see. Because I hit a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jared Zeller]

Hahaha. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right.

[Bill Maher]

I'll get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Bill Maher]

You might have saved that Mexican from earlier. He needed blood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is so interesting, Jared. I find you to be an interesting, interesting person. I can tell that you're funny.

[Jared Zeller]

Oh, thank God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you weren't. You weren't funny, but I can tell that in there is a funny guy. I can tell you have, like, funny motions and your timing and movement of funny is good. There's something in there.

[Jared Zeller]

Well, thank you, Tony. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you again. If you were. If you were to do your funniest joke that you've written in the two years that you've been doing it, what do you think your go to would be? It couldn't possibly be that crazy Kamala Harris impression.

[Jared Zeller]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was insane.

[Jared Zeller]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was just a racist impression of a black guy done by an extremely white guy.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Really? Nothing Kamala Harris related at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. It was her line, right?

[Brian Redban]

It was just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I was waiting for something about a candidacy or politics or something, and.

[Brian Redban]

It went too long. If he was just like, hey, man, what? It looked like that was the old impression. Oh, that's funny. But it was like, he's gonna. There's gonna be something.

[Jared Zeller]

Just notes noting all of this in two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta know what would your. If. If. If you know Johnny Carson and he's like, I might want to have you on my show after Richard Pryor on a stolen television tonight, all I want to see is one joke and I'll give you a spot. What would the joke be? Look out at the crowd.

[Jared Zeller]

You're turning around again, I guess, Johnny, it'd be a clean joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It doesn't have to be clean, but go ahead. Just pretend like you're on Kill Tony, the modern day Johnny Carson, and do a deep co joke.

[Jared Zeller]

So I don't know why people keep coming up to me and asking, like, they keep telling me, like, hey, I would never listen to a woman be president. And I'm like, dude, you listen to a groundhog tell you that there's six more weeks of winter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See how he danced with the music? He's a funny guy in there. There's a funny guy in there. Do you have funny friends? Do you hang out with funny people?

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, dude, I. Yeah, man. Three of them signed up tonight. We're all from College Station. They're probably, you know, I feel bad that I'm not representing them accurately, but, like, yeah, they're all, you know.

[Brian Redban]

I think you also made it weird when you said he wouldn't listen to a woman be president. The sentence was wrong.

[Jared Zeller]

I don't know, man. I'm just thinking, like, if I'm dressed, like, I clearly listen. Listen to my mom a lot. Like. And that's true. So it was like, okay, then the irony. I don't know. Like, I clearly look like I have a terrible black voice and Then it's like, Kamala, I thought, had a pretty odd black. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Both of those jokes were about a woman. And then you're. So. You got this weird relationship with your mom. Like, it's kind of fucking weird.

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, this is. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you were in a relationship?

[Bill Maher]

It's been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before we let you go. What's the craziest thing we should know about you, Jared? Your entire life? What's something wild? You've seen this show before. You know how the interview part of the show works. You're in it right now. What do you think would be something you would bring up?

[Jared Zeller]

Well, I mean, that motorcycle accident was pretty crazy. I would say, what's crazier is the pity. I thought I was going to get pity fucked after. And she just laid a missionary, and I was in no position to, like, roll her over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your mom? Fiona. Oh, Fiona. Who was this girl?

[Jared Zeller]

It was a girl that probably Freud would say reminded me of my mom. But I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't argue. I wouldn't make that argument. No, but she was nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what was crazier? See, I made. Well, like, I made a joke. You go ahead.

[Jared Zeller]

Well, so, yeah, I was in a neck brace. The doctor said the neck brace stays on during sex. Well, I mean, he said it just doesn't come off. And I was like, well, I really want to take it off. Because I was like, you know, and so she.

[Brian Redban]

She.

[Jared Zeller]

I thought, like, I was just gonna lay there, and she instead laid there. And so I had to, like, who.

[Brian Redban]

Told you you have the gift of gab? This is ridiculous storytelling. I have no idea what's happening.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His mom. I.

[Brian Redban]

It's not his mom. I know that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every time you talk, I have so many more questions.

[Jared Zeller]

Dude, listen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on a second. No, you listen. You listen to me. You listen at me. So you're hooking up with this chick. You have a neck brace on. Did you not think to go, hey, do you mind if you get on top?

[Jared Zeller]

Yeah, I just felt like I couldn't ask any. I felt like I was in no position to, like, demand or ask anything. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you wearing those pants at the time?

[Jared Zeller]

It was awkward, man. Yeah, it sucked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what happened? You were on top, and I just. There with the neck brace like her. And you, like, can't look at her because your neck's like that?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jared Zeller]

So I'm, like, staring at the wall and. Or, you know, like. Well, I'm just, like, wearing this prison. And so was a lot of work and. And I couldn't feel anything in the. This leg. So, like. And it wasn't like I could go to my physical therapist and be like.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, this was worse than being hit by a truck on a motorcycle. Well, dude, yeah, you know what's worse than that? And they just said like a weird almost fuck situation.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, the show almost over. My butt plug just fell out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't want to lose my go. You're right, Bill. We're gonna keep it moving. Here's a little joke book for you. Jarrett Zeller, everybody. Jarrett Zeller. All right.

[Bill Maher]

I also want to plug my show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month equivalent to $15 per month required.

[Bill Maher]

Intro rate, first 3 months only, then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms@mint mobile.com. okay, we've come to that time, ladies and gentlemen, and you are in for a very special treat, ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, here to close tonight's show. I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only. This is Cam Patterson, everybody.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. He just did a fucked up impression of me that pissed me the fuck off. How you gonna beat me before I go up, you dirty bitch. That made me angry as shit. And Kamala said, what the fuck? I'm doing it right now. As you can tell. That's my voice, bitch. It's good though. You know, it's funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm.

[Cam Patterson]

I feel. I feel good doing comedy, dog. I feel like I'm inspiring young black men to do better in life, dawg. That's not funny, bitch. That's good. I am like, I was walking down the street that day. A dude came up to me, said, but you gotta understand something, bro. Like seeing your ass dude stand up and shit, like cutting out of trenches. But that mean wanna change my life like real shit, dog. Like, yesterday was my last day ever selling dope. And I was like, that's beautiful. Oh, hell yeah. What do you do now? And he was like, I just do security and logistics. I was like, what the fuck does that mean. And he said, nigga, I'm a pimp. I sell pussy. Which is insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which is.

[Cam Patterson]

Cause, like, I don't even. I don't think I helped him at all, dog. He went from. He went. Went from drug trafficking to sex trafficking. Nigga, that's crazy. That's worse, actually. I like telling that joke because half of y'all laugh because that's funny. And the rest of y'all was like, how the. This nigga know the word logistics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm done. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Has done it again. Bill Maher.

[Bill Maher]

Cam, were you named after those things that follow you around every store you're in?

[Cam Patterson]

Who the fuck is Bill Maher? Nigga.

[Bill Maher]

It'S an old N word. I don't want to say it again. I just scream it in my pillow at night. I don't want to say it on live TV again. I got in trouble.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Big J Wilkerson.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, K. Always hilarious. Thank you, bro. I gotta ask you where you're from, because I don't know where you're from, but wherever it is, your voice is from there.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm from Orlando.

[Brian Redban]

Orlando?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

The west side?

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the difference between the west side and the rest of Orlando? Can you.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, it's the west side and it's the east side. Them a lot of Puerto Ricans and over there. And then the west side, just black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Brian Redban]

Where is Disney?

[Cam Patterson]

See this? Thank you for asking. The Disney not in Orlando, dog. Disney is 30 minutes away in Kissimmee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Everybody go. Orlando.

[Cam Patterson]

Is this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, the. We Not. Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

Disney World. I hate Disney World.

[Brian Redban]

Orlando. It ain't Disney out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's on the. What's on the south side of Orlando?

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know. That's. I don't know where that's at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You never drove through there.

[Cam Patterson]

Who knows where that is?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about the north side?

[Brian Redban]

Neither.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

One way south, one way north. Who knows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just pointed right and left. So I'm getting the feeling that you're not exactly sure what north and south mean. Correct. One ways north. The other way south. Incredible. Incredible.

[Brian Redban]

That's blowing my mind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why does everyone think it's Orlando?

[Chris Cabral]

Like, What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, 30 minutes away, so it's easy to be like, oh, it's Orlando. But it said Kissimmee.

[Brian Redban]

That's the airport. That's the airport you're flying.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. So everybody say, yeah, yeah, it's in Orlando. But it's not. They keep Disney away from like me, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Far away from like me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

What, for real though?

[Chris Cabral]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No. Why now? The last thing. The last thing.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I'm a good guy now. I do comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely tight shit.

[Cam Patterson]

That my uncle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. But you would go to Disney World a lot, right?

[Cam Patterson]

Fuck no. Fuck Disney World.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Cam Patterson]

It's pussy. It's for kids, man. And any grown adult that likes Disney past the age of four is fucking gay.

[Brian Redban]

Inarguable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. It's a lot of gay 5 and 6 year olds out there. It's not wrong.

[Brian Redban]

It's not wrong.

[Cam Patterson]

I hate this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What about the new Disney stuff?

[Cam Patterson]

What is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a lot of. There's a lot of Tron. There's a lot of Tron.

[Brian Redban]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tron. Right. Okay. There you go.

[Cam Patterson]

About Tron.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a way to. All right. They get that Tron thing in there. An adult, you own stock in Tron or something like that. Say Tron.

[Brian Redban]

Brian, we gotta work on your black people. Small.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, what about Tron? Sounds like one of your people.

[Cam Patterson]

I know, it's on my cousin ain't. Natron.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Natron. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's hilarious.

[Cam Patterson]

That's real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Cam Patterson]

His name is Natron?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Like in your phone it says Natron.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I think I've seen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold up. Wow. Oh, my goodness. You're getting your own.

[Brian Redban]

I saw you on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You.

[Cam Patterson]

I saw you on Instagram.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Natron. That sounds about right. Natron Jenkins, wide receiver, University, Alabama.

[Cam Patterson]

What'd I say? Right there. Look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

Natron. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, my cousin, his real name spelled how you think. Three apostrophes. Like Flavor Flav named them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So parentheses in there for some reason. What does an atron do for a living?

[Cam Patterson]

He do a lot of. He do about. Well, I gotta stop talking about him on this show, cuz last time he got fired. But. But he do. He do like about. He do a bouncy house like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A what?

[Cam Patterson]

Like a. He got a bouncy house business.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A bouncy house business?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get the out of here. Sort of go, holy shit. Yeah, money. What Benny boy would have done for a bouncy house while trying to steal a television. Can you imagine?

[Cam Patterson]

That was hilarious, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy old nigga.

[Cam Patterson]

Crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. You. No one loves a good stealing someone's TV story as much as I was.

[Cam Patterson]

Just like, whoa, this is genius.

[Brian Redban]

Wait till they eat the sandwich.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, I never thought about that, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, this guy's a logistic. Sticks of cheese. Unbelievable. Cam, you're a superstar. Another Rock solid minute. You've done it again. We love you. He's on tour. He's killing it all around the world. Ladies and gentlemen, the drawing from Ryan J. E belt is in. Bill Maher, ladies and gentlemen. Am I right?

[Bill Maher]

Tune in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He is is repping Kyle Dunnigan. Kyle Dunnigan.

[Bill Maher]

Tune into my next week we have Oprah Winfrey and the Storage wars cast. So check out my real time show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bill Maher, you are the man. Kyle Dunnigan is on tour. Kyle Dunnigan famously did an RFK junior impression on the show, which was absolutely, absolutely incredible. We love Kyle Dunnigan. It's amazing that we have that in common, that we love Kyle Dunnigan.

[Bill Maher]

Fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kyle Dunnigan.com. how about a big hand for the great Big J Okerson, everybody? Them. They. Them is out now on YouTube @Big J Okerson. They comes out in April. Big J, our big brother from another mother in New York. We've always said that.

[Brian Redban]

I love you, my man. Thank you so much for having me on short notice too. I appreciate. So thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely, truly. One of the greats, Big J Okerson, Bill Mars, Kyle Dungan. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew while we were goofing around. Ooh, Ari. Maddie, look at that. Wow. Who couldn't make it? Violently ill in the final minutes before the show. Yeah, he's. He's doing a. He's doing the Lord's work, touring the country out there. All these guys are working so hard. We have a. A massive announcement that is happening right now. I can't even say it right now, but when this episode is out, check out the Kill Tony show. Instagram and our own Instagrams, and you're gonna see what we're announcing, if not right now, then tomorrow. So it's a huge announcement. No, no, I can't announce it now. You're gonna find out with everybody else. This lady's seriously mad. Why the would you do that to us? I can't believe you did that. God, I can't imagine being your boyfriend. Look at this poor guy. God, what do you go through, sir? Is it really worth it? My God, that's sad. ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter and prize picks. We thank you unbelievable sponsors that keep the whole thing running. Shout out to Bonsai working overtime, kicking out these joke books [e-mail] a ton of new unbelievable merch. The new dark Kill Tony hat, which I love. This is now for sale. There's a new Kill Tony thermoses there. There's a whole bunch of fun shit out there. Killmerch.com and the tour dates are. Yeah, you're gonna find out. There you go. Big, big global, global announcement coming tomorrow or tonight. If you're a comedy fan, you have to check out Skank Fest this year. It's in New Orleans. You gotta go go to Skank Fest, get your tickets. Fucking amazing. Sells out immediately, so make sure you get it while you can and check out everything. Kyle Dunegan. Follow him on Instagram and all social media. Same with Big J. Check out their specials, see them on tour. Audience, we love you. Thank you for coming to Austin, Texas. God bless you and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. SA Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the.

[Big J Okerson]

Coverage I need like 24. Seven claims I'm on cloud nine.

[Bill Maher]

Clouds are wholly unable to support the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Weight of an adult human.

[Marvin Izzy]

What's happening?

[Bill Maher]

Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and searched, you'd find no cloud numbered nine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend.

[Bill Maher]

A flock of migrating snow geese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Geese who'd encourage you to leave your.

[Bill Maher]

24.7Geico motorcycle claims insurance behind, as they would take you in and even share their dinner of crickets, crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion that may occur from a clover cricket dinner. Geico expertise for your motorcycle.