#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS

Summary

Kill Tony Episode #712 – Adam Ray + Rich Voss

Recorded live at Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Date: March 25, 2025
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Co-host: Brian Redban
Guests: Adam Ray (comedian/actor, Dr. Phil impressionist), Rich Voss (legendary NY comic, special “Anonymous”)

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Episode Overview

This jam-packed episode celebrates the freewheeling, unpredictable spirit of Kill Tony—a live comedy podcast where up-and-coming comedians get one minute to impress on stage and then face a hilariously ruthless panel interview. Longtime friend and fan-favorite Adam Ray (now headlining arenas) returns with Rich Voss, a wry and legendary veteran, for a night of sharp roasts, heartfelt encouragement, and a parade of aspiring comics, Kill Tony regulars, and bucket pull wildcards.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. Antics with the Panel — Energy, Roast Battles, and Comedy Wisdom

• Adam Ray's Homecoming: Adam, riding a career high, teases his mega-tour and reminisces with Tony about starting as doormen at The Comedy Store (“We sucked. But, God damn it, we kept fucking working… and we believed in Joe Rogan.” – Tony, [07:20])
• Rich Voss’s Wry Banter: Rich delivers zingers, self-deprecating barbs, and occasionally, jokes intentionally old or awkward for comedic effect. Adam and Tony take turns ribbing him when his references ("Ted Bundy!") veer into the distant past.
• Comic Chemistry: Panelists volley gags at each other, roast the night's comics, and serve advice—celebrating persistence and authenticity in comedy, regardless of background.

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2. Comedians’ 1-Minute Sets and Interviews — The Bucket Parade

Kill Tony Regulars & Notable Sets:

• William Montgomery – [09:18]

  • Delivers rapid-fire, absurdist bits (“New sexual identity…self-partnered? When I was growing up… that was just jacking off.”)
  • Gets roasted over his age (“You look like you fought in the Confederate Army”—Tony, [15:34]) and unique look.
  • Shares rowing routine and “self-partnering” in his relationship.
  • Impressions segment includes a mock Danny Glover and “French fried rice.”

• Cam Patterson – [74:27]

  • Launches into a wild, topical bit on Trump hiring a cancer-stricken 13-year-old as Secret Service.
  • Admits to encouraging fellow comic Jim Telly to cut blond hair by calling it “gay as hell.”
  • Banters with panel about prison outfits, social perception, and delivers sharp lines about “child soldiers.”
  • Tony and Adam pay huge props: “Super topical, right on the dot… you nailed it.” (Tony, [79:55])

• Martin Phillips – [107:14]

  • Master of deadpan and awkward energy. Opens with a joke about using grandma’s ashes for Ash Wednesday.
  • Shares a vivid, gross-out story about shitting his pants as a substitute teacher and sneaking out. (“It was a vast amount of feces.”—Martin, [113:27])
  • Adam Ray recalls Martin crushing it opening Dr. Phil Live in Vegas.

Fresh Faces & Standout Bucket Pulls:

• Cameron Frisk – [17:47]

  • Skewers recycled wedding culture and white trash habits: “You’ve walked down the aisle to ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ three times…”
  • Opens up about being a construction worker-turned-barista, being outclassed by his techie girlfriend, and how he “brought sand to the beach.”
  • Honest on relationship loyalty (“Don’t cheat on her, that’ll do it.”) and adjusting to “fruit being gay” on construction sites.

• Charlie G – [25:56]

  • Admits to “living in a van” and invents the identity of “hobosexual”—someone who hooks up just for a place to sleep.
  • Self-deprecating yet confident, scores exchanges about van life logistics (solar panels, stove, cats as chick magnets).

• Daniel Velasquez – [34:39]

  • Jokes about family, loss, and disability: “The smart parent died” (after dad spends mom’s insurance on an orange pool table).
  • Shares journey from grieving to standup post-mom’s COVID death, his job at Chick-fil-A (“Too old to work there…Can’t take my pleasure at 29”).
  • Was a cerebral palsy sprinter in the Paralympics; Adam Ray offers him an opening spot at Dr. Phil Live ([41:47]), plus a secret show slot.

• Colin Sledge (Golden Ticket Winner) – [44:07]

  • Dry, slow delivery and awkward energy; laughs about getting pulled over with weed in a passport, narrowly escaping arrest via the “Kill Tony Golden Ticket.”
  • “Weed in my passport. 100%”—Colin’s stoned car-mate, [48:48].

• Kansei Yasuda (New Golden Ticket Winner) – [55:09]

  • Shy, charming half-Japanese, half-Korean comic from Tokyo/Toronto. “I was seeing a future with that fat ass…holding a fat ass child.”
  • Mesmerizes panel with cadence and storytelling (“You could just read the back of the Cheesecake Factory menu”—Adam Ray, [58:48]).
  • Discusses visas, his girlfriend from a ramen shop, job at a hotel, and wins Adam Ray’s opening slot at Comedy Bar Toronto ([63:01]).

• Jim Telly – [64:26]

  • Punchy retelling of a friend finding a video of his girlfriend cheating—with the twist that it’s Jim’s own dick on camera.
  • Background: Africa → Florida → North Dakota (where he followed his sister, who met a white guy with "great dick"), now Austin.
  • Reveals he’s multilingual, demonstrates nunchuck skills onstage ([72:10]), and gets booked on the secret show.

• Juanita – [81:46]

  • Trans woman comic, witty and frank, talks about working at a restaurant, being uncircumcised, handling awkward “reveals” on dates, and her love of karaoke, especially Selena.
  • Engages panel on trans dating realities and longtime feelings of womanhood.

• Lisa Smith – [91:55]

  • Punchy set on post-WWII Japanese “cuteness,” being a black anime fan, and turbulent family dynamics.
  • Reveals preference for scrawny partners, fights with family members in Atlanta, and being accused of “thinking she’s better” due to her voice.

• Will Owens – [99:13]

  • Deadpan jokes about adopting an “at-risk youth” (“crack baby”), then reveals he just writes jokes—“No, that’s just a joke. I just write jokes.”
  • Shares surprise meeting with half-brother in high school thanks to small-town drama, new fatherhood, and comedic defensiveness.

• Offender (Bucket wildcard; prison releasee) – [118:26]

  • Openly recounts 13 months in Alabama prison for drugs. Comedy became his post-prison passion; sells weed/works gigs, lives in a short bus.
  • Delivers prison-based humor (“Farting is considered flirting in prison,” [118:49]) and reveals a Kill Tony bingo card tattoo he got while locked up ([124:27]).

• Ari Mati (Estonian Assassin; show closer) – [126:21]

  • Kills it on cheating/relationship material (“Men never know they’re being cheated on—unless told by the woman.”). Tony dubs him “one of the best in the world right now.”
  • Ari rails against how comedy festivals ignored him, giving thanks for finding Kill Tony’s “hardcore” scene at last.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On grinding in comedy:

  “We sucked. But, God damn it, we kept fucking working… all it takes, a work ethic, a hope, a dream, and Joe Rogan.”
  — Tony Hinchcliffe ([07:20])

• On living in a van:

  “I came out as a ‘hobosexual.’ I sleep with women for their bed…My kink is shower sex. Dating women while living in a van is sketchy, until they find out I have a cat. Then it’s ‘let’s go to your van. I want to meet your cat.’”
  — Charlie G ([25:59])

• On disability, loss, and perseverance:

  “My mom died from COVID—which everybody was surprised because you had a 2% chance of dying from that, but you’d be surprised if you didn’t know the likelihood of being born with cerebral palsy.”
  — Daniel Velasquez ([39:42])

• On “prison flirting”:

  “Farting is considered a form of flirting…and I had to learn that the hard way.”
  — Offender ([118:49])

• On showing emotion in a hard set:

  “When you smile, it’s real warm…but you didn’t smile at all during your set…”
  — Adam Ray to Colin Sledge ([54:01])

• On dating as a trans woman:

  “Now I just get it out of the way [with men], because it can be a little dangerous, especially here in Texas.”
  — Juanita ([87:50])

• On stand-up’s joys and humiliations:

  “Honest to God, I poop myself more often than you would imagine…It was a vast amount of feces.” — Martin Phillips ([113:27])

• On finally finding comedy success:

  “Nobody wanted me…then I finally found this motherfucking hardcore comedy community.”
  — Ari Mati ([129:15])

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Timestamps: Important Segments

• [05:32] Adam Ray and Rich Voss introduced; reminisce on early comedy days
• [09:18] William Montgomery set & panel roast
• [17:47] Cameron Frisk set – marriage, barista life
• [25:56] Charlie G – “hobosexual” van-lifer
• [34:39] Daniel Velasquez – bot-dating dad, CP, Chick-fil-A, Paralympian story
• [44:07] Colin Sledge – dry delivery, weed-in-passport traffic stop
• [55:09] Kansei Yasuda – Japanese/Korean, fat ass-future, Toronto story
• [64:26] Jim Telly – betrayal jokes, nunchuck demo
• [74:27] Cam Patterson – Secret Service/cancer bit; panel banter
• [81:46] Juanita – trans woman, restaurant stories, dating revelations
• [91:55] Lisa Smith – WWII/anime/Atlanta drama
• [99:13] Will Owens – adoption bit, brother reveal
• [107:14] Martin Phillips – ashes, fighting by seduction, shitting pants story
• [118:26] Offender – ex-con, Kill Tony inspired him, prison flirting, bingo tattoo
• [126:21] Ari Mati (Estonian Assassin) – cheating & gratitude for Kill Tony

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Memorable/Recurring Gags

• Rich Voss’s Old References: Panel ribs Rich’s “ancient” pop culture knowledge (“Ted Bundy!”) and self-flagellation after bombs.
• Adam Ray’s “Rich Voss School of Comedy”: Ongoing in-joke mocking getting lost in conversations or stepping on punchlines ([95:31], [102:36]).
• Roasting Each Other Relentlessly: Tony, Adam, and guests continue the tradition of relentless, boundary-pushing roast—nobody’s safe (the disabled, trans people, ex-cons, old-timers, and each other included).
• Offering Gigs Live: Adam Ray books Daniel and Kansei for future shows; Jim Telly gets secret show spot; running joke about hiring comics for menial tasks (painting Redban’s house).
• Audience/Panel Surprises: E.g., prison-dress audience member (“Offender”) shares his prison-born Kill Tony tattoo; Tony gives out rare “Golden Ticket” slot on-air ([63:01]).

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Episode Tone and Style

• Raucous, Supportive, Unfiltered: The episode exemplifies Kill Tony’s mix of savage ball-busting, genuine mentorship, and spontaneous career-making.
• Fast-moving and Inclusive: Comics of every background (disabled, trans, immigrant, ex-con) get equal treatment—often with jokes that cut both ways, then encouragement to keep hustling.
• Self-Referential Kill Tony Culture: Regulars, catchphrases, and series in-jokes are peppered throughout, rewarding longtime listeners/watchers.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #712 radiates with the chaotic energy and heart that have made Kill Tony a weekly comedic event. From arena headliners trading war stories with open-mic hopefuls, to heartfelt real-life tales of overcoming adversity, bombing, or shit-your-pants moments, every performer gets five minutes of well-lit battlefield treatment before a brutally honest yet supportive jury of peers.

Best served with: a robust stomach, a thick skin, and an appreciation for the unpredictable journey from grinding open mics to headline stages.

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For aspiring comics and comedy fans alike, this is a definitive episode—equal parts roast, variety show, game-changer, and inspiration.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhenchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, y'.

[Rich Voss]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The number one live podcast in the world is going back out on the road again. Our first time since Madison Square Garden of last year. Truly traveling. As you probably know, Night two of Nashville, sold out. But you can still get tickets for night one, April 4th. There is also the London O2 Arena. Massive, massive arena. It's our only show in Europe that is. June 7th. I'm doing standup comedy in some arenas like the Mavericks center just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. April 18, Reno, Nevada. The Grand Theater, the Honda center in Anaheim, California. I can't believe I get to go all the way back to the west coast to do standup in a legendary arena like that in Anaheim. May 9th. Resorts World in Las Vegas. May 10th. And announcing this week, Connecticut, the Mohegan Sun. I'm doing standup on July 11th, Edmonton, Canada. July 18th, Vancouver. September 14th. And if you're a wrestling fan, I will be hosting the roast of WrestleMania Sunday night four, 20 after night two of WrestleMania right there in Vegas. Huge guests, huge surprises. Make sure you check out the Sunset Strip comedy club on 6th Street. And of course, the Comedy Mothership shows will be going on sale soon for another big Monday release. We love you. God bless America. Enjoy the show. Hey, this is Redbank coming live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Killtown. Give it up for Tony. It's Clown. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh? Make some noise for Brian Redburn, everybody. And one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Live in the flesh. Fernando Castillo. Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa. Michael Gonzalez. Nachos Belgrande. Si, senor. That's Big Mike on the drums.

[William Montgomery]

Huge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a little bit bigger every single week. He's growing like a Chia pet. Matt Muhling on the electric guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, John Dees on the keys. And this is indeed Live in the Flesh. D Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, my God. How exciting is this? We have a hell of an episode ahead of us before we get started. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start the show or what? This is Kill Tony brought to you by Zip recruiter and Shopify. I'm so excited about tonight's guest. This is actually a repeat of two guests that have been on together before. One of them has the newest special on Amazon called Anonymous. We love him. One of our New York brethren. The other is literally perhaps easily known as the greatest guest in Kill Tony history. Former guest of the year, reigning hall of famer. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Adam Ray and Rich Boss. Oh my God, Adam. They're on their fucking feet. They are on their feet. The best fans in the world. You do. You love them. Oh my God. Sit down. Sit your fucking asses down. Rich Boss has the newest special on Amazon. It's called Anonymous. Welcome, Rich.

[Rich Boss]

Thank you for having me. And I'm glad because I requested. Adam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rich Boss]

And thank you for coming.

[Cameron Frisk]

Adam.

[Rich Boss]

I'm telling you, this is great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good to be back. I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, the man, the myth, the legend. A lot of people mention his name when they're on this show. Where do I even begin? The great Tony caruso's favorite comedian. Dr. Phil's favorite comedian. Jeremy's favorite comedian. Dumb girl. What's her. What's her name? Why am I Elaine? Elaine's favorite comedian.

[Adam Ray]

A lot of people remember her. You tried to me in costume that night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Remember that Red band gets enough vodka red bulls in him, he just goes for what he sees.

[Adam Ray]

Happy to be back. I love this show. Great dude. Good to see you again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we love.

[Adam Ray]

And my wife who loves the show is seeing it live for the first time tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give it up for her. She's here. The very best. We love her. Not gay.

[Rich Boss]

And my wife is home. Somebody else keep it going.

[Adam Ray]

For Rich Boss, that's a big deal. He let somebody step in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I will not wait another moment before saying that Adam Ray just launched a 40 city plus comedy tour. AdamRay.Comedy.com. the man is thriving.

[Adam Ray]

Me. We got one. Is Phil going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Phil is on tour. You can get those [e-mail] all of these shows are unbelievable. Adam and I were door guys together at the comedy store. Yeah, 17 and a half years ago, just me.

[Adam Ray]

What were you saying? I was going over auditions that I wasn't gonna book. He was like, tony, I got two lines as the waiter. Does this sound good?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your food, sir.

[Adam Ray]

And Tony's like, you're not Gonna get it. You should quit and move to Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We sucked. We sucked. But God damn it, we kept fucking working and non stop every single night, having fun, cracking each other up. And we believed in Joe Rogan. That's right. Thank God for him. That is correct. That's all it takes. A work ethic, a hope, a dream. And Joe Rogan.

[Rich Boss]

And I'm still a doorman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Hey, hey.

[Adam Ray]

It's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

282 comedians signed up for the opportunity to be in this bucket. Absolutely anything can happen. We're gonna let this young librarian pull the first name here in the front row. Congratulations. Here it is. We're going to go wrangle that first comedian that is out of the bucket. But while that happens, and just a reminder, if you don't know they get 60 seconds, you know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten and they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I interview them and we find out more about them. These people out of the bucket have no idea that they're going on stage until just minutes before. But I do have a few regulars and special treats on tonight's lineup. And we will start this one with a bang. It is as big of a bang as it gets. Ladies and gentlemen, starting tonight's show, your first minute is indeed another Kiltoni hall of Famer. He is indeed the record holder for all time appearances on this show. Some people call him the Vanilla Gorilla. Some the Memphis Strangler. Some people call him the Big Red Machine. This is William Montgome.

[William Montgomery]

There's a new sexual identity that's becoming very popular. It's called self partnered. But it's weird because when I was growing up, they just called that jacking off. I'm over here twerking my ass off and y' all can't even make it rain. That is the disgruntled undercover cop in an all black club. This next one is a gastroenterologist about to retire, but he finds out he has one last colonoscopy to perform. Man, I'm getting too old for this shit. Okay? I was going for Danny Glover Lethal Weapon on that one. Fuck. An Air India flight had to turn around and go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin and people were surprised by that. Okay, that's my time. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Booyah. Another minute from William Montgomery. It sounds low. What just happened there? Are you guys with knobs? Like in between things? Sound guys. We good? I mean, seriously, you with the knobs. I don't know why you would turn me down. And then you have to. I'm going up first and I don't. With the knobs. Keep me up. Keep me up. You guys are. I got to take a chair right now. Dumbass. You're trying to do too much. Keep my volume up. Don't call me in early tonight.

[Lisa Smith]

Bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep it up. They'll yell at them some more. Will you?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I mean, seriously, don't it up. This is a big thing.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, can you.

[William Montgomery]

Your wife is watching for the first time. You'll fuck this up.

[Adam Ray]

Can you do it once as Danny Glover?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What y' all do with the sound back there?

[Adam Ray]

So good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, no. For a second there, I closed my eyes and I thought Danny Glover was here. That was absolutely incredible. I had no idea you were a master of impressions. What other impressions can you do?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, what do you mean, Tony?

[Adam Ray]

Yikes. Leave it in. Yoni.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Filipino. Oh, hello.

[Juanita]

Do you want some French fried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

French fried rice. French fried rice. Yes. A very popular treat in Filipino culture. What else do you got?

[Adam Ray]

That's still Danny Glover, by the way.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, Tony.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who was that?

[William Montgomery]

I was going for, like Antonio Banderas or something on that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Tony. Where's my horse?

[Cam Patterson]

Man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is. That wasn't as good. That's a spot.

[Rich Boss]

Can you do an impression of a guy that uses hair conditioner?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the is that supposed to mean? Right?

[Cam Patterson]

Oh.

[William Montgomery]

Cause I don't have air.

[Rich Boss]

If that thing was any drier, it'd be my wife's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love how you roasted you, him, and your wife at the same time. She's not here. That's a triple threat. That is absolutely incredible. That's like a French fried rice or something like that. William, how's this week treating you?

[William Montgomery]

It's Wonderful. I'm up to 80, 000 meters on the row machine, Tony. I am not stopping. I'm doing it every day. I'm doing 10, 000 meters a day. Nobody's gonna stop me doing this, Tony.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

I'm feel. I went to the fucking doctor last week. My. My blood pressure was okay. There was a giant concern for me. I thought my blood pressure would be horrible, but it was okay.

[Adam Ray]

What was it at?

[William Montgomery]

I think it was 150 over 140 or something.

[Adam Ray]

Is that. What is it? Is that good?

[William Montgomery]

That's good.

[Rich Boss]

Great, Great. They told me that's some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that is incredible. 150 over 140. Absolutely amazing.

[William Montgomery]

Wait, hold on. So your wife's is really that dry?

[Rich Boss]

I don't know, I haven't seen it in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is the self partnered thing that you mentioned? I've never heard of that before.

[William Montgomery]

Self partnered. It was again, it was a lot of what I was doing. I think in high school. It's when you basically choose to just love on yourself. You don't need any fucking. You don't need any woman in your life. You don't need any man in your life. You just work on yourself.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible.

[Rich Boss]

Do you have a girlfriend?

[William Montgomery]

I do have a girlfriend, but I'm

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

no self partnering really.

[William Montgomery]

So I'm working on myself and I'm also in a good relationship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's.

[William Montgomery]

I'm doing two things right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

It's like a farming and I have a relationship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like a threesome.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Self partnering and a girlfriend.

[William Montgomery]

I know because I'm working on myself right now. And I'm also in a good relationship. So it's. Yeah, it's like I'm doing two different things right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever role play in the bedroom? You ever do a little Danny Glover in there? A little Danny Lover?

[William Montgomery]

Get your ass on the bed. No, that's stupid.

[Rich Boss]

Does. Does she ever think she's having sex with a scallop?

[William Montgomery]

With all just because of how I look.

[Rich Boss]

Scallop, no pigment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Hey. They fucking laughed.

[William Montgomery]

Please help me, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Try to be me. You're doing great. William. What is. You're an international rock star. Everyone loves you. You've been rowing a lot. Been rowing.

[Adam Ray]

What do you listen to when you row?

[William Montgomery]

America. America's first album, the album with Horse with no Name on It. The album's about 45 minutes long and I row for about 42 minutes. All the songs.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

It's been America this past week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do with the other three minutes that's remaining in the music? Is that what it you listen to?

[Cam Patterson]

That?

[William Montgomery]

I get off of the row machine and I curl up in a ball on the ground thinking I'm fucking dying. So I don't really listen to the last.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[William Montgomery]

Three minutes of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Incredible. Red Band has been looking for a physical outlet. He needs to exercise. Would you be able to train him to row?

[William Montgomery]

I would love to if you would be willing. Red Band. Seriously. I try to talk to him about this all the time, about getting better, but it's like you refuse to. I think you've gotten too used to being sedentary at your places where you live. I think You've gotten way too used to that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very still. Let the record show I was picking bugs off of you before the show because bugs thought that you were a rock to 50 guys.

[Will Owens]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How old are you, William, at 38? Wow. You are something else. Yeah. You don't look a. You don't look older or younger. You literally look like you fought in the Confederate Army. It's absolutely incredible.

[Offender]

He does.

[Rich Boss]

He looks like a time in life Civil War chess set piece.

[Lisa Smith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

General Montgomery.

[Adam Ray]

William, you look like the first guy that claimed he saw Bigfoot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true.

[William Montgomery]

I like that one.

[Adam Ray]

It's a compliment. Wait, what do kids. How old do kids think you are when they meet you? Have you met kids? This is a weird question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's.

[William Montgomery]

I tell people I'm 29 when I meet them. I tell everybody I'm 29.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. What do they say?

[Martin Phillips]

Let me see your ID.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. A lot of that. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. I don't think people believe me.

[Adam Ray]

Have you been. You've been around kids? Like nieces and nephews or.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I have two little nieces.

[Adam Ray]

You strike me as someone that would be good with kids and I mean that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Because you're silly, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, I love my sweet little nieces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever go to the playground and just, like, stand there and stare at kids? No, just to be funny because, like, you have a look.

[William Montgomery]

I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a look in which that would kind of be hilarious. It would be funny if you did that and, like, had like a prank show and videotaped the parents around that are, like, watching you, watching the kids and, like. I don't know. I'll think about it. Okay, good. There you go.

[Adam Ray]

We have a pitch set up with Tubi, so we'd love to include that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yep. Deals are in place with Tubi. William, we love you. I gotta tell you, you look better than ever. You look healthier than ever. The real machine is doing you good. Thank you, Tony. How about your first comedian of the night, William Montgomery, huh? That's as big of a deal as it gets. To start the show. And now we switch over to the bucket. We're gonna meet this person all together. Absolutely. Anything can Happen. Every regular, every golden ticket winner, they were all found out of this very bucket with a little undertaker watching. Anything can happen. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Cameron Frisk. Cameron Frisk.

[Cameron Frisk]

Thank you, sir. Fuck, yeah. I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of divorce, people getting remarried, acting like I should give a fuck again. You need to come to the rehearsal. You gotta come to the rehearsal, bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's your third wedding.

[Cameron Frisk]

The fuck are we rehearsing? You've walked down the aisle to living on a prayer three times. Different groom, same finger. Figure it the fuck out. But Cameron, I know it's important. You gotta fit it in your schedule. You gotta fit it into your schedule. How about you fit into your first wedding dress and I'll fit it into my schedule? Yeah, all those wedding cakes are adding up, Mom. You fat bitch. Yeah, my mom loves that joke. Yeah, my mom's always wanted one thing, too. It's just for one of her children to be successful, which is always hurt because I'm an only child. I was like, all right, let me spitball you this idea. How about you have another kid and give this one to a mom that won't fuck it up?

[Cam Patterson]

How about that?

[Cameron Frisk]

I'm Cameron Frisk. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cameron Frisk. A rare episode where we have two Confederate soldiers back to back. Absolutely incredible. The south has risen again. Do you know a lot of divorced people that are getting remarried?

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, I literally went to this girl's third wedding. It's insane. White trash people love just fucking, I don't know, destroying vows with people, it's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's so wild. I've never heard of such a thing.

[Rich Boss]

Rich, very funny. But as a Jew, when you came out like this, a little offensive.

[Cameron Frisk]

I apologize.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are so sensitive here, people. Such a. You can't put your hands in the air a certain way around us anymore. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You better be autistic, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

What. How long you been doing stand up?

[Cameron Frisk]

A year and eight months.

[Adam Ray]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where are you from?

[Cameron Frisk]

I'm from Ojai, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Rich Boss]

What. What's your fallback plan?

[Cameron Frisk]

Fall by pan? Go back to doing construction like already?

[Rich Boss]

Keep doing this, man. A year and eight months is nothing. You just keep doing it. And let me tell you something, you do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where have you been doing the year and eight months? Mostly in Ojai.

[Cameron Frisk]

No, there's. There's no stand up in Ohio, so I was going to, like, Ventura and then driving to LA a bunch when I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you born and raised in Ojai? Yeah, it's a. They say it's a natural energy vortex. Do you feel that?

[Cameron Frisk]

Absolutely not. That's some hippie woo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But. But you wouldn't even know that because you were born and raised there, right?

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you feel a little bit slumpy and slouchy when you're in other places.

[Cameron Frisk]

No, you just go to Sedona and I feel better now. Not at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like you're kind of white trash though, right? Because, you know people that are getting remarried. One could say that you are. You drink pbr?

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, I drink a. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

PBR Vibes from you. Certain people. I can just.

[Cameron Frisk]

Chewing tobacco, pbr. All the good stuff, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. And what do you do for work?

[Cameron Frisk]

Well, now I'm a barista because I quit construction and when I moved here. What the toughest job in the world?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is what the baristas in California look like now. Holy trans lesbian women.

[Rich Boss]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Do you work with a lot of lgbtq?

[Cameron Frisk]

No, a lot of lesbians. But you've been there. There's hot women that work there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, I've been to the coffee shop in Ojai?

[Cameron Frisk]

No, to the one in Austin where I work now.

[Rich Voss]

Prana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. You work here. I know I do.

[Cameron Frisk]

I was a house painter for like 14 years, then moved here. Literally. Couldn't get a job doing anything. There's jobs everywhere. Couldn't get hired. And then that place was the only place that hired me, so.

[Rich Boss]

And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But your work background is. What are you good at?

[Cameron Frisk]

Construction, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were looking for a construction job in this city and you settled for barista? Yeah. Are you. Have you. Have you looked outside at all? I did literally cranes and applied.

[Cameron Frisk]

It's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Literally the fastest growing city, I think, in the country right now.

[William Montgomery]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you just.

[Cameron Frisk]

Man, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you try?

[Cameron Frisk]

I did try. I played like 300 jobs. It's crazy.

[Adam Ray]

What's the dream job?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did.

[Cameron Frisk]

Dream job. Oh, obviously this. But I don't know. Probably owning a. A contracting business to build. If this doesn't work, you should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should just start that from scratch. You should do that and you should hire people using zip recruiter and the promo code K. I use zipruiter. They didn't.

[Cameron Frisk]

It didn't work for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you mean really? You mean it worked for you too much?

[Lisa Smith]

Yeah, it did.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah. I had too many offers. That was the problem.

[Rich Boss]

Do you mean any hot girls making coffee?

[Cameron Frisk]

There's so many hot girls. Town is full of hot ones.

[Rich Boss]

Do you close any deals?

[Cameron Frisk]

No. No. I've brought my girlfriend here. I brought sand to the beach.

[Rich Voss]

I'm an idiot.

[Rich Boss]

Is wrong with you?

[Adam Ray]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does your girlfriend do for a living?

[Cameron Frisk]

She works in tech, so she's crushing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cameron Frisk]

She works in construction tech?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. AI company.

[Cameron Frisk]

She sells it.

[Will Owens]

I build it.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Rich Boss]

You think she's gonna hold on to you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you lived in Austin?

[Cameron Frisk]

Six months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six months. How long have you been with her?

[Cameron Frisk]

About three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. How do you keep things interesting? How do you stay loyal and happy with one woman for three years? Just curious.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, well, don't cheat on her. That'll. That'll do it. Don't get married to her quite.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not asking you what not to do. I'm asking what you do to keep things exciting.

[Cameron Frisk]

To keep things exciting. I don't know.

[Juanita]

She's.

[Cameron Frisk]

She's a badass. She's fun. I don't know. It's. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you made more money than her, what would your answer be?

[Cameron Frisk]

We'd be on a boat. We'd. Yeah, we'd be doing funner things, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun?

[Cameron Frisk]

What do I do for fun? I skate.

[Offender]

What kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of skating? Roller skating.

[Cameron Frisk]

No, it's not gay, Tony. Skateboarding.

[Juanita]

You can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can roller skate and not be gay. No. Yes. Yes, you can.

[Adam Ray]

Where?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, you can. Yeah, you can. Backwards. You can go backwards. Go backwards all the time. Yeah, because you gotta. Yep, I do.

[Adam Ray]

I roller 69 on wheels.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cameron Frisk]

I roll to watch your back if you are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I roller skate backwards on construction sites.

[Colin Sledge]

Yes.

[Cameron Frisk]

That'll end your job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And all. All that I wear is a hard hat. That and a vest, of course. Because. Safety first. Yeah, but God damn it, if one more hammer gets shoved up my ass. All right.

[Rich Boss]

Oh, I gotta learn how to roller skate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Adam Ray]

You ever up somebody's name on the coffee cup and they freak out?

[Cameron Frisk]

No, we don't even. We don't even write their names.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you work the overnight shift?

[Cameron Frisk]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's a different place. That's okay. I. That one up. No, no, that's a different place.

[Rich Boss]

Now when you're making coffee and construction guys come in, do you get kind of jealous? You know what I mean?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. You like to see what your life could have been?

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. Movie.

[Adam Ray]

Family man with Nicholas Cage.

[Cameron Frisk]

It's nice. My body doesn't hurt after the other day, but it is weird. Like, now everything's about sustenance. Because at first, like, sustenance and fruit was gay when you're on the construction site. So it is weird being in, like, a pink apron. Being, like, selling coffee now, and I'm

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, you know how to paint walls inside of a house?

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, good news. Red Band is going to book you. They hire you to paint some walls.

[Cameron Frisk]

I would Love to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. There you go.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a little joke book. Thank you, sir. Sign up again sometime. There goes Cameron Frisk, ladies and gentlemen. And like that, the show has begun.

[Adam Ray]

And I'm going to buy a coffee from you tomorrow. Play that game, Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Local hero Adam Ray contributing to the economy.

[Adam Ray]

No hotels tonight.

[Rich Boss]

Yes. I'm gonna bang his girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. Goes by the name of Charlie G. Here we go. Charlie G, out of the bucket.

[William Montgomery]

What's up, y'?

[Rich Boss]

All?

[William Montgomery]

If I kill myself and find out reincarnation's real, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. You know, I don't know if you guys. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I live in a van, right? And ever since I started living in a van, I came out as a hobosexual, right? Meaning that I sleep with women for their bed, right? I'm always on Tinder trying to find a place to stay. And they always say the same thing, right? They're always like, you just want to fuck me and leave. Right? And I always have to go, oh, I'm for sure staying. You know, my kink is shower sex. It is pretty. Like, sketchy. Dating women, like, while living in a van, right? Like, they never want to come back to it until they find out I have a cat, right? And that just flips the script, right? It goes straight to like, let's go to your van. I want to meet your cat. Right? I guess they figure if.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there more to that?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to finish it?

[William Montgomery]

I guess they figure if I haven't killed the cat yet, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Will Owens]

That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Charlie G, ladies and gentlemen. You really live in a van?

[Rich Voss]

Yeah.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the first comedian tonight that looks like they don't live in a van.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. You have a good. You have a good. You clean up your act. You're out there looking professional.

[Adam Ray]

You look like you sold the van to the guy, and you're like, I swear I didn't come in this thing.

[William Montgomery]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[William Montgomery]

I used to do real estate in New York, and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. You live in a van, it looks like you live in a hearse. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

No, I'm not. Dylan. Dylan's ladder.

[Rich Boss]

When three people show up and they only have a table for two, how do you handle it? Okay. He looked like a major D. It didn't work. Already six for six.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich, Rich, relax. Just take a breath. When. When it doesn't work, you don't have to tell. You don't have to say it didn't work because they definitely know it didn't work. Like a guy that's out at third base. The umpire's like, you're out. And you go to the crowd. I'm out, everybody. I did not make it to third base. I was out. Wow. Okay, let's get back to Charlie here. What's up, old Charlie boy? How old are you?

[William Montgomery]

How old AM I? I'm 32.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

32 years old. How long have you lived in the van?

[William Montgomery]

I started full time about November.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A part time van Liver before. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I lived in apartment and like the van for a minute. Yeah, for like a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then explain Matt Muling, who never talks. It was right with me. I literally. He had to say it because we're all thinking it. How does that work? Why would you live in an apartment and a van part time?

[William Montgomery]

Well, I have the apartment and then like, if I wanted to travel for the weekend, like, or for like a week, like, I had like no hotel to worry about. I can go anywhere. I lived in like New York City at the time. So, like, what? Jersey City.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But.

[William Montgomery]

So I would just go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huge difference. No, that might be the biggest difference ever. I mean, whatever. That is absolutely unbelievable, the jump that just happened there.

[Adam Ray]

I live in an event. Sorry, the sidewalk. But it's pretty much the same thing.

[Rich Boss]

I mean, now with your van, do you have a fake cast and a couch?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, not at all. It's not that big.

[Rich Boss]

Thank you. Wait, that's fucking one of the best jokes you'll ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck? What the hell happened here? No, no, no, I. You know what I might want you to say when the jokes don't work after all, because that.

[Rich Boss]

You don't get that joke.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's it from?

[Rich Boss]

The serial killer that was. Had a fake fucking cast and a couch and he had a van and he would go to colleges and go, hey, can you help me get the couch on the van?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What year was this? Science of the Lamps, right?

[Rich Boss]

No, I. Was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Offender]

Who? What?

[Rich Boss]

Ted Bundy. Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what you're talking about. The serial killer from the 70s who thinks O.J.

[Adam Ray]

did it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right, let's get back to okay.

[Rich Boss]

Charlie G. So this guy isn't my favorite.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich Voss is out here.

[Adam Ray]

Just gotta throw darts, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ted Bundy. What a Ted Bundy. I mean, how far back are you gonna go with your references? When I was 30, a lot of people don't know Julia Caesar lived in a van at One point. Okay, there it is. Charlie G. Tell us more about your life.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I did, like, real estate for, like, most, like, everything out of college, and then I hated it, and I lived in van for all of last year. Started comedy last year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love it?

[Will Owens]

Yeah, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's great, you know, sprinter van.

[Cam Patterson]

Like.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it's a 2006 Sprinter, so it's not an, like, nice sprinter, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Good question. The exact van is an important thing. Lord knows the difference between a sprinter and an econo van. Huge difference. We want to know exactly whether it's a sliding door or get in through the back door.

[William Montgomery]

No sliding door, but there's solar panels, like a stove.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Solar panels. I mean, it's comfortable.

[William Montgomery]

I got a bed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, you got a bed.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

In 20, 25. How do you see? You don't have a girl, right? But you brought people back to the van. Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

How does it. Do you have any trepidations when you're trying to elicit a, you know, friend to come back? Like, what's the opening line? Like, I guess.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, in Austin, I just go back to their place. Like, that hobosexual is, like, actually my life.

[Adam Ray]

What if their place.

[Martin Phillips]

She's like, my roommate's home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And, like, it would actually really be better if we went to your place.

[Adam Ray]

Like, what's your.

[Cameron Frisk]

What do you do?

[Martin Phillips]

It's not my place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, I'll give you a ride to my place.

[William Montgomery]

And.

[Rich Boss]

And if you pick up a homeless girl, you could drop her off anywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Rich. Rich. What? What? What is going on over here?

[Adam Ray]

That one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I made fun of you for doing old jokes. Then you just did the oldest joke ever.

[Rich Boss]

But I wrote it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was amazing.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Charlie, tell us the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in your life.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, man. Like kindergarten. I myself, Kindergarten. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how about, like, as an adult. Let's talk about now. I mean, I know there's some.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, when it was four, I couldn't tap my SHO in front of my mom. Yeah, well, like an adult embarrassing story.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. We all ourselves in kindergarten wouldn't do that. You're right.

[Will Owens]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One time. Rich. Rich. Say it.

[Jim Telly]

Say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony Rich himself in kindergarten. And diapers weren't invented yet, so.

[Rich Boss]

And I was 12.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about as an adult?

[William Montgomery]

As an adult, like, one time in college, I myself, wow, this guy just shits himself. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many you think I should make him himself right now on this stage? Look right at that.

[Kansei Yasuda]

No way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You see that red dot back there?

[Offender]

Look, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You see a little red dot, right? I want you to stare right at her and then just. Oh, we're losing D Madness. He can't. When you're blind, the smell of. No, don't yourself. All right, Charlie. Fun times. Congratulations. I really loved the kill myself. Kill myself joke. That's a really, really, really good joke.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know. Yeah, appreciate that. There you go.

[Adam Ray]

Here's also came out with confidence. That's always.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no.

[Adam Ray]

It's your first time on the show, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

First time out, you had a game plan. That always matters, so good job.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, thank you.

[William Montgomery]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, Good stuff. There he goes. Charlie G. Hobo. Sexual. Kind of like, you know, he's better than that. But the kill myself reincarnated kill yourself is funny. All right, we having fun out there. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool goes by the name. Oh, my God, I know what that noise is. The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Look at that. The crowd goes wild. She barely does anything at all. It's unbelievable. She just lifted up the mic stand and sat it back down. Crowd goes nuts.

[Colin Sledge]

She doesn't need to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta love it. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Daniel Velasquez, everyone. Daniel Velasquez.

[Colin Sledge]

Hey.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I started stand up a few years ago after my mom passed away. And the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money was an orange pool table. Pretty cool purchase. But that was the first time I realized a smart parent died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I guess.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I guess there were some signs that my dad was, like, a dumb guy. I didn't realize kind of how out of touch he was until he started dating again. I got him his first iPhone and he got on one of those old person dating apps. I think it was called, like, Our Time or Time's up or something. And he. He immediately started getting spammed by bots. And I'd tell him, like, hey, dad, those are like, bots. Those are fake accounts. They don't engage with those. But he was, like, so foreign to the concept of bots. He was like, yeah, I don't care. They look hot. I'm gonna fuck the bots. Thank you, guys. It's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly 59 and a half seconds from Daniel Velasquez. A very funny set. Welcome back, Daniel. You've been on this show before?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yes, sir. How are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good to see you. Yes, I'm good. I'm good. Everyone's good. You've been on this show before. You were funny last time. You're funny this time. Remind us what we did in the interview portion last time.

[Daniel Velasquez]

You made fun about me. You made fun of me for being crippled. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, there we go. Perfect. Welcome back. These people, they sign up, they come back for more. They can't get enough.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Say, that is the reason why I didn't do any disabled jokes this time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? Now that I am looking at you and hear you, I see you are indeed very disabled. But your jokes are amazing.

[Martin Phillips]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. You have the ability to make people laugh with. Thank you.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I really appreciate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You always have. Okay.

[Rich Boss]

I didn't know. You see, I didn't know you were a cripple. I thought you were.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Well, you're old, so I wouldn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I knew. Your eyes are going there, Rich.

[Martin Phillips]

They are.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I'm just kidding. You were funny as appreciate you, boss.

[Rich Boss]

You were funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You literally. I know you haven't been here very long, but you've literally in 59 seconds said eight more funny things than Rich boss has tonight. It's incredible.

[Rich Boss]

I was killing up to the last guy. Jesus.

[Lisa Smith]

Fuck.

[Rich Boss]

I'll sit here like this. Fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. Daniel, you're so awesome. You are built for this. What exactly is your disability?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Cerebral palsy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Okay. Indeed I love it. I am a big supporter of the cerebral palsy people.

[Colin Sledge]

Perfect.

[Adam Ray]

You'll get a spot at the secret show. No doubt.

[Daniel Velasquez]

He didn't give it to me last time, so I wouldn't expect it this time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band didn't let you up at the fucking secret show. Is that true, Red Band? I see a lot of people don't know this. A little fun fact. Behind the scenes, I'm the good guy and Red band's the bad guy. No, I'm kidding. Why didn't you give him a spot last time? I don't remember last time. I think you were probably funnier this time because he didn't rely on your crippled jokes and stuff. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Why would he talk?

[Adam Ray]

Thanks for coming out, everybody. Yeah, that was Red Band on Threads.

[Colin Sledge]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember you being very funny last time. How long you been on stand up?

[Daniel Velasquez]

This will be. It'll be four years in October.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four years in October. And do you have a. You what? Do you. You do you have a job

[Rich Boss]

making right turns?

[Daniel Velasquez]

I work at Chick Fil A.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work at Chick Fil A? Holy. Let's go. I love it. The one here on 6th Street?

[Daniel Velasquez]

No, in Kyle, Texas. Just south of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Too old to work there, man. I gotta quit, dude. I'm too old to work there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're too old.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Take my pleasure at 29. Dude, you can't do that, dude. It's fucking bullshit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is amazing.

[Adam Ray]

What's the Chick Fil A uniform, red

[Daniel Velasquez]

polo work slacks, lack of self respect, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So he's asking about his outfit, and then you hit the chicken button. He goes, why would there be a chicken? Okay. How often do you eat Chick Fil A?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Every day. That's my one free meal a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude.

[Kansei Yasuda]

What do you.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I'm a broke comic. What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, Absolutely incredible.

[Adam Ray]

How about. What's the longest amount of time you've done?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I have, like, 20 minutes.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Rich Boss]

You make a good gardening gnome. I'm back.

[Adam Ray]

Please make that T shirt your face on the front.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So fun. Daniel, what's something we should know about you that we didn't learn about you last time you were on the show?

[Daniel Velasquez]

I kind of alluded to it, but my mom passed away a few years ago. And that's why I started standup.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How did your mom pass away?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yeah, my mom died from COVID which, like, every

[Adam Ray]

Jesus.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Which everybody was, like, really surprised because you had, like, a 2% chance of dying from that if you got it. But it's always surprising.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even less than that. Yes.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yeah. Even less than that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's always surprising if you didn't know the percentage of being born with cerebral palsy. So that didn't really surprise me that much that she passed away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She hit the double.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Double whammy. Unlucky.

[Daniel Velasquez]

That's why I kind of started standing up. Cause it was like, things can't get much worse. Might as well swing for the fucking fences, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Adam Ray]

Were you working at Chick Fil A before she passed?

[Daniel Velasquez]

No. No, I was not. I was. I talked about this last time I was in the Paralympics. Before this. So I was kind of busy doing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was your sport in the Paralympics?

[Daniel Velasquez]

I was hacky sack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What are we talking about? Your joke book. Okay. What was your sport in the Paralympics?

[Daniel Velasquez]

I was. I was a sprinter. I was a parent sprinter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a sprinter? They got sprinters in the Paralympics, huh?

[Daniel Velasquez]

You'd be surprised.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy. Dude. What are you. I want to see you and Rich Voss in a foot race so badly right now. I would.

[Cam Patterson]

Would I?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Not going to do it. But I would dust him in the alley right behind you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

100%. I could just picture Rich trying his best his hat flies off.

[Adam Ray]

Daniel beats him, turns to the camera and goes, I'm back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. That would be the most handicapped race of all time. Absolutely incredible.

[Rich Boss]

He said he would dust me in the alley.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's. Well, it doesn't take much.

[Adam Ray]

You got threatened by a Chick Fil. A cashier that would dust you in the alley.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. It's been a rough episode for Rich. So far, this is the most fun I've had.

[Rich Boss]

The sad thing is, in two years, I'll be opening for him.

[Adam Ray]

Hey, Daniel, speaking of opening, I've got a Dr. Phil live at Bass Concert hall on April 19th. You want to open the show?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go, man. Let's go. Yeah. Hey, April 19th, Bass Concert hall, man. Huh?

[Rich Voss]

Yes, sir.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

But you gotta.

[Adam Ray]

You gotta quit your job and kill Rich Voss. Yeah, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Come out.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Be my honor to kill a legend like this, man. See a Rich Voss, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let him hear Rich Voss, dude.

[Adam Ray]

Giving it up. Giving the flowers. Course, April 19th.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yes, sir. Absolutely. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On Instagram, I got you a huge venue. Very exciting. Easy way. All you have to do is tap it in here. Red band. The ball is right next to the cup. Do you know how to paint? No. Where's your sound? Where's that sound? I mean, that sets a good. Good job, Red man.

[Rich Boss]

Not a straight line,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red man. I'd love to have you, obviously, on the secret show Thursday.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yes, sir, I would love to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would love to. You already have a big choke book, right? You already got one of these, right?

[Daniel Velasquez]

Yes, sir, I got one already.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Perfect. I don't want to throw things at you. Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen, with a free power sign.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what he said. I'm hoping he didn't say Free Palestine. I'm just gonna pretend like that didn't happen. The boy's got some weird politics, everyone. Yeah, he's gonna. All right. I mean, an amazing performance. How about one more time for Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen? Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, is the brand newest golden ticket winner here on this show. This is indeed, in fact, his first time ever cashing in on his golden ticket. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Colin Sledge, everyone. Now watch them all together here. Colin Sledge.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you. I got fired from Chick Fil A. Apparently, ladies didn't like the way it was saying, my pleasure. You know, I've never been able to coast on the way I look. You know, I was never that Hot. But I'm interesting, you know, I can make girls think. I make girls think stuff like, hey, is that guy following me? One time, this girl getting into my car for a date she agreed to. First thing she said was, just so you know, I have pepper spray in my purse. It's like, just so you know, you shouldn't tell me where it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is exactly a minute. Colin Sledge has arrived, everyone. His first cash in of his golden tickets. So technically his second minute ever on the show. That was absolutely fantastic. I love your delivery. It's very, very dry. It's unlike anything that we've had as far as regulars and golden ticket winners go. It is incredible. It's almost just neck ask. But you make fun of yourself and you do more than one punchline every three and a half minutes. So it's a total different vibe. It's absolutely, absolutely incredible.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You acknowledge that you're human and, and you make fun of yourself sometimes and real things, not just made up characters and I love that. Colin, how's life been going for you?

[Colin Sledge]

It's been pretty fun the last few weeks, I bet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Your life has officially changed. Tell us more about that Colin, you creep.

[Colin Sledge]

Well, so actually, literally the first, the night I got the golden ticket. Thanks, by the way. We almost got arrested going back to Houston, so I'm pretty sure the golden ticket got my friends out of jail, so they should also thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really. Is that true? What do you mean?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, we got pulled over and one of my friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many comedians are in this car?

[Will Owens]

2.

[Colin Sledge]

One I can name. One will remain nameless. But they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't have to name any of them. The question was how many people were in the car? Okay, two other people in the car. Not your other personalities or anything?

[Colin Sledge]

No, they were real.

[Adam Ray]

They're real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two real humans with hearts and lungs and brains.

[Colin Sledge]

Yes. And they. They both had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you driving?

[Colin Sledge]

I was driving, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what kind of car are you driving?

[Colin Sledge]

Just so we could finish painting the Mazda CX5.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's exactly what I thought. Okay, so you're driving to Houston and what happens?

[Colin Sledge]

We get pulled over in Elgin and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's like a real Texas cop, right? Yeah, Texas Highway Patrol right there. Oh, my God.

[Colin Sledge]

He was a big fan of you actually, so that might have helped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious? You dropped the name of the show that you were on and everything.

[Colin Sledge]

It wasn't me, it was one of the other comics. But yes, she did drop smart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We did that once with Rogan in Columbus, Ohio, many years Ago. Six or seven years ago. And by the way, Ohio State Highway Patrol famously, famously, famously, never gives warnings, never lets you off. If you go fucking five, six miles an hour over the speed limit in Ohio and you're pulled over by an Ohio state trooper, you get a ticket and was it. It was you, right? Yeah, you nailed it. Because I'm like, yeah, we're just working. We're doing a podcast. And what'd you say? You're like, I don't remember. I think I was like, yeah, we're. I'm on jre. You ever watch? No, you nailed. No, you nailed the line. You're literally like, yeah. You know, I work with Joe Rogan sometimes. We're in the comedy but business. And he's like, joe Rogan. Okay, go ahead.

[Colin Sledge]

Well, she wanted our IDs, and one of my friends lost her driver's license because she's sort of a mess. And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we got a warning, by the way. I didn't finish the story. Go ahead.

[Colin Sledge]

She. Thank you for clarifying. Okay. She didn't have her driver's license, but she had her passport. And so she gave the cop her passport, and she said when they took the passport to the cop car, she said, I think there might be weed in the passport.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

And I was like, what percent chance do you think? And she was like, 100%.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it in, like, a baggie?

[Colin Sledge]

No, it was just in the pages.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ.

[Adam Ray]

Pockets?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Look, I. I thought you were really funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, Rich, in the middle of a thing here.

[Offender]

Go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead, give your analysis, and then we'll. We'll just edit it out.

[Rich Boss]

No, cuz I thought he's. Listen, I'm doing a firehouse in Allentown, and if you want to open, I could have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right, Very good.

[Adam Ray]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So back to the story. She says there might be weed in the passport, and. And he's in, like, the cop car at this point.

[Colin Sledge]

It was a lady. It was a Latina lady cop that took the pass. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Think we've all watched this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go kill Tony Nachos. Belgrande fans. That's what. That's what's up. It's not just the Mexican dudes that get horny.

[Colin Sledge]

She was. She was not the fan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, she wasn't a fan?

[Colin Sledge]

No, it was another guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Colin Sledge]

It was a white guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, all right.

[Colin Sledge]

Sorry about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Colin Sledge]

Almost had her, but, yeah, she. Well, I was in a good mood because obviously, and so I Thought, she's probably not even gonna notice. And then she came back and she's like, we noticed the weed in the pages of the passport.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this is incredible. And again, this is a Texas state trooper.

[Colin Sledge]

I don't know. I didn't pay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or is it an okay, some cop? Okay, yeah, it may not even have been a cop at all. You may have gotten pulled over by an illegal immigrant wearing a fucking badge. And you stoners with weed in your passport are like, I'm so sorry.

[Colin Sledge]

Other cops pulled up, and that's when I thought they were going to jail. Not me, though, because I was. I had a legal Delta 8 Gummy. They had weed that was okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So then what happened?

[Colin Sledge]

They searched. They frisked all of us and sat us on the curb in the cold. And then they searched my car, and they found some more of her weed, maybe. And then the other passenger, they found more weed. A fair amount of weed and a scale and little baggies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. So now it's an illegal drug dealing operation.

[Colin Sledge]

Well, I think the scale I'm gonna go with he has an eating disorder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's hilarious.

[Adam Ray]

And then, by the way, I would love to see you on Family Feud. I'm gonna go with. Guys got an eating dis. By the way, what's on your pants? Did you paint Red Band's house? What is that?

[Colin Sledge]

I, I, I, I spilled bleach. Okay. Don't bully me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so let's go back to the story that we're in the middle of. And then what happened?

[Colin Sledge]

They set us on the curve. Fristos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then they found this. More weed. And then what happened?

[Colin Sledge]

And then they made her pour out all the weed from her passport and, like, step on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then how much weed did she have in a passport? It wasn't shake. It was much real weed. Like, it was nugs of weed.

[Rich Boss]

She.

[Colin Sledge]

It was like. It was, like, folded in the pages. I don't know how much it was. I didn't, I didn't ask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolute insanity. By the way. I have carried a lot of weed on me, and I have a passport. I understand the dynamics of a physical passport.

[Colin Sledge]

She use it to, like, roll joints or something. She, like, pours it from the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So literally the most thing to roll joints on, on, or with in the world. It's like cutting coke with your license.

[Colin Sledge]

She's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, that would actually be better than rolling weed on a passport, because it could come off a license. It's plastic. The paper would retain it, and the THC crystals would Be all over it.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could at least rinse off a license.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, she. She's sort of my number one advisor in comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so then what happened?

[Colin Sledge]

Then they. They asked him, like, why do you have the scale and the. And the baggies? And I think he just didn't answer, which is probably good. And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go. I did. I think it was because we were talking about, like, why, where are you coming from? And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after Kill Tony. And he was like, you know, the white guy cops like to get on. And then my friend was like, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you got a golden ticket.

[Colin Sledge]

And he was like, well, congrats. He was really nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah, that definitely worked. That's what it was.

[Rich Boss]

He's a cool.

[Adam Ray]

You want to shoot this guy for no reason?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I'm a big fan of kt.

[Colin Sledge]

I thought about being like, you can have the joke book if you don't arrest my friends. But I think that would be bribing a police officer, and it may have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did everything just fine. So nobody got in trouble?

[Colin Sledge]

No. I got a warning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For what? What was the initial stop for?

[Colin Sledge]

So my Mazda CX5 has a tail light that's out.

[Cameron Frisk]

No.

[Colin Sledge]

Well, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what happens. Yep.

[Colin Sledge]

So, no, the headlight are always on. I can't turn them off. And so when the. When the lights get switched off, somehow I don't notice because the headlights are always on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely unbelievable. I don't understand a single thing that you just said. I notice when your lights are off.

[Colin Sledge]

Well, I know the lights are on because they're always. But the tail lights are behind me, and I can't tell if they're not functioning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true.

[Colin Sledge]

So I got a warning for that. They didn't get a warning for copious amounts of weed. I don't know what that's about, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Adam, Ray, let's ask a question.

[Adam Ray]

When you smile, it's. It's real warm. But you didn't smile. Well, don't do that. But when you smiled. But when you smile organically, it. Yeah, like that. But you didn't smile at all during your set, really. Right. I couldn't.

[Colin Sledge]

No.

[Adam Ray]

Is that. What's the. What's the choice to go from?

[Colin Sledge]

I don't really make decisions. I just feel it out, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So your material is always kind of. You like to. You just, you know, your point of view is to keep it dry and.

[Colin Sledge]

And, yeah. That's what I usually do. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

It's also when I get nervous, I tend to just shut down completely.

[Adam Ray]

It works.

[Colin Sledge]

I'm not nervous now. For the record.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. We're not cops. I'm not a. Yeah,

[Rich Boss]

I'm gonna sit down this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Colin, you're so different than everybody else. And that we have on our normal roster. Well, welcome to the family. There he goes. His first cash in of his golden ticket. Call in, Sledge. Back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, this looks like a fun name. I'm excited about it. Make some noise for Kansei Yasuda. Kansei Yasuda. Here we go.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Hey, guys.

[Colin Sledge]

Hello.

[Kansei Yasuda]

I'm a little bit a shy person, especially when I'm talking to girls. And reason why is that? Because I'm the nicest person in the world. The other day I was walking down the street with my homies, and all of a sudden we came across with this fat ass. And all my homies went crazy. They were like, oh, I want to hit that ass. I want to hit that ass. But not me. I was actually seeing a future with that fat ass. I was seeing every sunset and sunrise with that fat ass. I was holding a fat ass child

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

with that fat ass.

[Kansei Yasuda]

A little bit about myself. I was born in 1996, so that makes me a reincarnation with Tupac. Tupac say small eyes on me. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Kansei Yasuda has arrived to kill Tony. I gotta tell you, man, I like your fucking style. You have such a command of the stage. So fun to listen to and to watch.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Thank you, Donnie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very welcome. You're welcome.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Kansei, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Five years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years? Where at?

[Adam Ray]

Get it out of the way. Red Bear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where have you done the five years? At Tokyo.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Three years and then two years in Toronto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In Toronto?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah. In Tokyo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is. Is that where you live now?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, I live right now in Tokyo. Toronto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Toronto.

[Will Owens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Thank you. What made you move to Toronto? Why, of all the places, did you pick there?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Because I wanted to go as close to United States. Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

Have you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Did you think about going to the United States at all?

[Kansei Yasuda]

And they'll send me away when I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? Why would they do that?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Because I don't have a visa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't need a visa to go to Canada?

[Kansei Yasuda]

They have, like, a special type of visa for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of visa is that? It's like Asian express.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, they send a lot of Asian people to Canada and Then just let me work there for two years.

[Rich Voss]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could listen to you talk about anything. This is incredible. This is absolutely amazing. So you're 100% Japanese?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, I'm half Korean too, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Korean too. All right. Absolutely incredible. Your mom is South Korean?

[Kansei Yasuda]

My mom is Japanese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Kansei Yasuda]

And my dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And your dad is the Korean. And they met in Japan?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, they met in Japan, but my mom didn't know he was Korean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She thought he was Japanese. Yeah. And drink the Japanese. And then. And then.

[Kansei Yasuda]

And then they got married and then.

[Adam Ray]

Surprise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my. Absolutely unbelievable. A natural freak talent. We're witnessing it live in real time. This is what the show is all about. Absolutely incredible.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Thank you very much.

[Adam Ray]

I don't even need you to, like, do comedy. You could just, like, read the back of a Cheesecake Factory menu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. So are you an only child?

[Cam Patterson]

Yes.

[Kansei Yasuda]

How'd you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because I think you're only allowed to have one E over in Japan, so that's incredible. Just. Okay, relax.

[Jim Telly]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Okay. So amazing. Amazing. And so your mom had you and what is. What do your parents do? They're still in Japan?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, they're still in Japan. They own nail salon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A nail salon? They do that even over there. I thought they just came here to own nail salons. My God, they must be high level nail salon people. That's incredible. Unbelievable.

[Rich Boss]

Rich Voss, Are there comedy clubs in Japan?

[Adam Ray]

I mean, one in Tokyo.

[Rich Boss]

In Tokyo?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Do American comic work there?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, yeah, they come around sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Military.

[Will Owens]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich is looking for a gig.

[Adam Ray]

Rick's. Rick's. Like, I'm playing the karaoke bar right now. Shabuya.

[Rich Boss]

He sounds like a romantic. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I do have a Filipino Japanese girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Amazing. Is she in Toronto?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yes, she. I met her in Toronto like two months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Where did you meet her at that?

[Kansei Yasuda]

At the ramen shop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At the ramen shop? Absolutely.

[Adam Ray]

Isn't this the plot of Rush Hour?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is unbelievable. This is everything you're saying.

[Adam Ray]

I feel like I've watched in a movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are in one of those moments right now where it's just amazing. You are just such a fun interview.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This might never end. I might keep you up here all night. This is absolutely amazing. So what does she do for work?

[Kansei Yasuda]

She works at the ramen shop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She works at the ramen shop. Oh, my God. It absolutely incredible.

[Adam Ray]

Your delivery and cadence is so goddamn perfect. Everything you say. I feel like it's going to end with you handing a child a katana. You know what I'm saying? Like, the way that she works at the ramen, like, it's got so much. It's so soft but powerful. You know what I'm saying? But it's just facts about your life. Have you always been this calm, cool and collected?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's absolutely incredible. So how do you make money, Kansei?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I work at the hotel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what do you do at the hotel?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Front desk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Front desk. Wow. And what do you do for fun? What do you. What do you. What are some hobbies of yours?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I eat. I eat ramen.

[Adam Ray]

It's a place your girlfriend works?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

What's your favorite ramen?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Miso ramen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Could be the name of your special too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Special. Miso ramen.

[Will Owens]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. So, Kansei, this is incredible. And you are so funny. What made you come to Austin, Texas,

[Kansei Yasuda]

to do comedy and kyotani?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When did you get here?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I got here a week ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did you sign up a week ago for the show?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yes.

[Colin Sledge]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And you didn't get up and you've been doing spots around town, just trying to do open mics and stuff?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, I did open mics. Couple open mics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you been doing a lot of spots?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah, I did one. Just one Shakespeare, and then I won the Shakespeare.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much longer are you in town for?

[Kansei Yasuda]

I'll be here until like a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, one more week.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Two more weeks. I don't know. Whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whatever it takes. Absolutely. You're gonna be leaving. What's your girlfriend's name?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Miyuki.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that was adorable. Adorable. Miyuki and Kansei.

[Cam Patterson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is absolutely amazing. Khansei. I love it. Adam Ray.

[Adam Ray]

First name again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Kansei Yasuda.

[Adam Ray]

I know I've already done this once, but I'm actually going to be in Toronto May 1st through the 3rd at the Comedy Bar. Do you want to host? We need somebody to host all weekend.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

We need a host. I feel like you got 10 minutes.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Oh, 10 minutes.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

10 minutes.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich.

[Cameron Frisk]

Thank you.

[Rich Boss]

Ever been to Allentown, Red Band?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Thank you. Thank you.

[Jim Telly]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. And I just can't help myself. I feel like I want to interview you forever. We already have too many of them, but God damn it, I'm giving away another one. Kansei Yasuda, you are a golden ticket winner here on Coltoni. Absolutely incredible. Amazing. The secret channel show, the golden ticket. Toronto, Canada and Allentown, Pennsylvania. You did it all, buddy. God bless you. Kansay Yasuda has arrived. We're gonna see him again soon. Absolutely unbelievable, my friend. That is what it's all about. And now someone's gotta follow that. Your next bucket pole goes by the name of J. Jim Telly, everyone. Jim Telly. Jim Telly is next. Hell, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

All right.

[Jim Telly]

How y' all doing tonight?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good?

[Jim Telly]

Fuck, yeah. Give it up for my partner in crime there. Ah, shit. Let's see if this joke works.

[Daniel Velasquez]

All right.

[Jim Telly]

All right, here we go. Oh, shit. My homeboy just came to my house the other day crying cause he found a video of his girlfriend sucking a dick. I know, man. The fucked up part about it was the dick was mine. I know, man. Hear me out. Here's where the shit got fucked up. I had to then sit there and listen to this motherfucker's critiques on my

[Offender]

dick

[Jim Telly]

as if it wasn't mine. The motherfucker was spazzing too. He was like, how the fuck she

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

gonna cheat on me with that?

[Jim Telly]

My dick way bigger than his. I'm just looking like. I mean, nigga, it's not little, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like,

[Jim Telly]

maybe it's easier on her jawline or something. My nigga, why you dick shaming nigga?

[Cam Patterson]

Right?

[Jim Telly]

Like I was defending an unknown penis, essentially.

[Will Owens]

Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jim Telly]

Shit. Well, that's it, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Jim Telly. Wow. How fun. Very fun to go off of that rush hour energy in your opening. Very fun. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing standup gym?

[Jim Telly]

I'm going on three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years? We're at Houston, Atlanta. I'm getting close.

[Jim Telly]

Africa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Hilarious. That was funny.

[Jim Telly]

How you doing, man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, man. Where you been doing stand up at?

[Jim Telly]

I started in South Florida. I went to North Dakota for one year, and now I'm here.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you go to North Dakota?

[Jim Telly]

I knew this question was coming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jim Telly]

Believe it or not, white dick, if I'm being honest with you, my sister married a white man, man. Yeah, Dick was so good, I moved there.

[Adam Ray]

I think you just found your new catchphrase.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Take us through that process. What made you follow your sister up to North Dakota?

[Jim Telly]

That's an interesting story. So she actually. They met in South Florida on one vacation. I used to live in Africa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, yeah.

[Jim Telly]

Just have to preempt that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All of that shit.

[Jim Telly]

But no. So they met in Florida, and he fell in love with black pussy so much that he went to Africa. And then she moved back to North Dakota, and life was cheaper. And I was tired of Florida and I Was like, you know what? I want to go to North Dakota.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was in South Florida.

[Jim Telly]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this guy, according to your exact words.

[Jim Telly]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Loved black pussy so much. Damn. Right. That he left South Florida,

[Rich Boss]

a hot

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

spot of black, to go to the actual North Pole of black.

[Jim Telly]

Exactly, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Africa.

[Adam Ray]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Jim Telly]

I know, I know. They're still married to this day. Goddamn it.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible.

[Jim Telly]

Shout out, Justin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Justin is in North Dakota right now. Like, well, thank you.

[Cam Patterson]

You got that right.

[Rich Boss]

Yeah, I.

[Jim Telly]

You got that right. He looks like a white Pete Davidson, if I'm being honest with you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Pete Davidson is a white Pete Davidson, so. Oh.

[Jim Telly]

I said, oops.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah.

[Jim Telly]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he is bad. It's all.

[Rich Boss]

I didn't think blonde and white.

[Jim Telly]

Same.

[Rich Boss]

I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The cast, the cat. Whoever does the casting at SNL also thought Pete was half black when they got him. So anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

I didn't think Shane's liver had this much energy right here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Who?

[Rich Boss]

Shane's liver.

[Jim Telly]

Shane. Oh, Shane. Oh, yes, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Jim Telly]

I got it. I'm black. I'm wearing all black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Rich.

[Martin Phillips]

Shane's liver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, got it, got it. All right, very good.

[Rich Boss]

You know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think Rich is having mini strokes during this show.

[Rich Boss]

I said to him, I go, is this funny? He goes, you got to do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This. I love. You're blaming Adam on your jokes. He said it was funny.

[Rich Boss]

It's weird. My daughter. My oldest daughter married a black dude. I mean, so I heard the family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

I'm not racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Rich Boss]

People think I'm racist because I have two drinking fountains at my house. No signs above them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim, what did you do for work in North Dakota? Jim.

[Adam Ray]

That's funny.

[Jim Telly]

I work for AT&T.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jim Telly]

Worked. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do you do now?

[Jim Telly]

I am working for another company in sales.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, very good. And do you have a steady girlfriend?

[Jim Telly]

I do. I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jim Telly]

She followed me up to North Dakota and down here as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now you live here in Austin, Texas. How long have you lived here for?

[Jim Telly]

I just got here December 31st.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

December 31st. And what made you want to move to Austin, Texas, of all places?

[Jim Telly]

Stand up comedy man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? And you love it. How old are you?

[Jim Telly]

I'm 31. Turning 33.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

31. Wow. You're. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible.

[Jim Telly]

Who's that for? You, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. You could have said anything. I would have said that. That. Yeah, it works. You could have been 20, 25, 55. You really could have been Anything. Have you ever been a volunteer firefighter? I'm getting volunteer firefighter vibes. Sunglasses. Down. Yeah.

[Jim Telly]

My bad, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's okay.

[Jim Telly]

Yeah, I know. I do look like a security guard right now. I get it.

[Rich Boss]

Cut or uncut?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. Rich Voss asking that. The tough questions over here.

[Adam Ray]

When do the sunglasses go on? You wear them outdoors? Yeah. Or is it just a floor for. For show?

[Jim Telly]

No, I were. I was, like, actually wearing. I was actually wearing them, but, like, you know, it's dark now, so.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Incredible. Were you ever. Were you ever racially profiled in your time in North Dakota?

[Jim Telly]

Surprisingly, no. No, because before I cut my hair, I actually had blonde hair, and they're just not used to seeing black guys up there, so I didn't look threatening at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had blonde hair?

[Jim Telly]

Yeah. Cam Patterson told me to cut it off because he said my hair looked like it had aids. Don't laugh at that. That nigga.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I'm just playing.

[Jim Telly]

I love Cam.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jim, you're so funny. What's something else we should know about you before we let you go?

[Jim Telly]

Oh, you know, I. Like I said, I grew up overseas. I speak multiple languages and shit. I speak French, for example.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You speak French? What did you just say?

[Jim Telly]

I speak French 100%. Like, I'm 100 fluent in French.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What other languages do you speak?

[Jim Telly]

An African dialect called Wolof bread.

[Adam Ray]

Man.

[Jim Telly]

Don't you play that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wait a second. No, no, no. Hold on. Let him do the fucking thing. I want to hear you lies.

[Jim Telly]

And we're about to come out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What can you say in. Don't tell me.

[Jim Telly]

Salaam alaikum, manga feet.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[Jim Telly]

So I just say, hey, I'm here on Kill Tony. And I'm saying, pretty much. Good blessings to you guys.

[Kansei Yasuda]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, when. When.

[Rich Boss]

When you lived in Africa and you would walk down to the river to do your laundry?

[Jim Telly]

No, I took the zebra.

[Adam Ray]

I took the zebra.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else. What else can you do?

[Jim Telly]

I know how to do nunchucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Jim Telly]

I swear to God, I don't. I don't have them on me, but I do know. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do we have any. We do have nunchucks. I had a feeling. We have a special. Oh, my God. This place is unbelievable. We have a special Kill Tony toy box where we have all the things we might ever need. Ladies and gentlemen.

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Oh, my God. Give me. Give me a single. Spotlight Kino. Wow. Holy. This is incredible. He could have played both characters in Rush Hour. Absolutely. Unbelievable. Wow. Wow. Wow.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, yeah, you kind of did it. Yeah, yeah, it was good. How long you been doing that?

[Jim Telly]

About a year and a half now.

[Adam Ray]

Let's go. Where did it ever come into play or come into, you know?

[Jim Telly]

Well, I just use it for kill. Tony.

[Adam Ray]

Now, goddamn it, let's go. You did?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Nunchuck Barry over here to whoop nobody's ass with these. Jim, I. Wait, what? Rich, you would have thought the last

[Rich Boss]

guy would have done that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, yes.

[Jim Telly]

Appropriation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich is literally doing a different podcast tonight. He's listening that you can't see, but he has a little headphones in. What's the longest set you've ever done, Jim?

[Jim Telly]

If I'm being honest, 36 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

36. You on the Secret Show. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, absolutely unbelievable. Jim Telly has arrived. Here's a big joke book. Jim, thank you so much. Sign up again, Come back. We need more Jim Telly in our lives. So much fun. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to the stage, coincidentally, the man that told Jim Telly to cut his blonde hair, one of the great regulars in the history of the show. This is the one and only Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

I did not say his hair looked like it had aids. I said it looked gay. That's what I said. I said it looked gay as hell. Cut it off, you bitch, nigga. That's what I said. I did y' all a favor. He did a good job. I'm proud of him. Let's talk about Trump. He's funny. He's funny to me. Very. I'm not a political guy. I'm not very political, but it's very funny that he hired a 13 year old kid with cancer to be the head of the Secret Service. That's funny as fuck to me. He likes it a lot. That's. It's funny cause my grandma weird. Cause she weird about it. Cause the kid is black, she don't know how to feel. I was like, grandma, how do you feel about Trump hiring a black kid to be had Secret Service? Cause he has cancer. And my grandma said, I don't give a fuck about that retard. And I said, grandma, he has cancer. And she went, same thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's not.

[Cam Patterson]

Which is crazy, right? And what funny to me. This is what I think about a lot. This make me really happy. He don't know it's fake. He has no idea that he's not the head of the Secret Service. He think he run the Secret Service.

[Adam Ray]

What's funny is like.

[Cam Patterson]

Like Trump has got onto Something that African N knew a long time ago. Child soldiers are amazing. You understand? Like, you fuck with Trump, I will kill your family, nigga. And I love it. It's pretty dope for me. And the last thing I would say is I'm thinking about this. I've been thinking about this a lot. It's funny. Cause last year Trump got shot in the ear and everybody's making fun because he had two women as secret service. And it's funny to think that he, instead of that, he was like, fuck all that bullshit. I'mma hire a retarded 13 year old nigga with cancer because that's better with two women than a gun. You know what I'm saying? I said it backwards, but you get it. You get what I was doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What can I say that I haven't said thousands of times before? Absolutely incredible, Patterson. We fucking love you too, baby. Is hilarious. What a great fucking premise.

[Cam Patterson]

Y' all don't see this nigga over here in jail. Y' all don't see him. He's been in jail clothes the whole show. Oh, yeah, you don't see this white man in prison? Over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I didn't. Oh, he's wearing the official Cam Patterson white T shirt.

[Cam Patterson]

That's terrifying that he has that.

[Adam Ray]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y. Okay, Sit back down, Cam. It's not great to wake these kind of people up. Oh, yeah. Thank God for me. He was. He was all right. Now he's all right. He's back to chill. I like your style, jail dude. That. That's definitely done meth a bunch.

[Cam Patterson]

Real drugs. Real hardcore ones too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no.

[Adam Ray]

I thought that was me in makeup for a minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just have good energy. Good energy over there. I like that. What made you dress like a jail guy?

[Offender]

I've been in prison. I served 13 months and I found Kill Tony when I was in there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They show. They show Kill Tony in prisons?

[Kansei Yasuda]

Yes.

[Adam Ray]

With the right phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. You snuck a phone in prison and you watched Kill Tony. Right, Right. He didn't have a phone up his ass. Okay.

[Rich Boss]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Cameron Frisk]

Teaser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a. What a night. I mean, holy. This is a wild night. There's guys that watch Kill Tony while in actual prison wearing a prison outfit. That. This is absolutely incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

Even this guy too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, that's amazing.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, he gonna stab all of us. Well, either way. Either way.

[Adam Ray]

It's gonna be either way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

What? He humping something. That was scary. The rest of my shirt over here. That was terrifying. He humped the air opening. That was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck.

[Cam Patterson]

Rich Voss first, please

[Rich Boss]

I don't know if it's a prison outfit. It's fucking culottes. You got shorts. That's a prison outfit.

[Will Owens]

And the street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to the roast of Rich Box. It doesn't matter.

[Rich Boss]

I. The problem is I came out too hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you walk?

[Rich Boss]

Did you walk here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Rich Boss]

Because your knuckles are scraped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Rich, put the mic down. Put the mic down. Put. My displace is in chaos, boss. Right now.

[Cam Patterson]

That took my brain like I was like, wait, what does he mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. I've never seen Call me a monkey. That's some. That's a real bug ass.

[Cameron Frisk]

What up?

[Rich Boss]

I guess the streak's over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it bombed that bomb too.

[Cam Patterson]

That also bomb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. This party is out of control. I've never seen D Madness clench his fist before. He's back here ready to defend his sweet, sweet Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

He f to punch the out of Adam Ray. He don't know who the.

[Rich Voss]

Out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy w re.

[Cam Patterson]

I swear to God. You got to be close. You got to be close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Holy Cam. I mean, you've done it. We've done so many interviews. I gotta tell you, I love that new joke. Absolutely incredible. Super topical, right on the dot. 13 year old with cancer in the news all week. The state of the union and everything. You nailed it. Adam, anything?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, great, great. New Bigham. I mean, there's always. Every time I see always something new.

[Cam Patterson]

Appreciate you, man.

[Adam Ray]

I love you, baby.

[Will Owens]

Thank you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're absolutely killing it. An unstoppable force. Oh, Rich Voss wants to say one more thing. This guy's got the.

[Rich Boss]

I know how to pick him. He's going to end up on snl. I guarantee it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich. Rich. That's not even a thing anymore.

[Cam Patterson]

Rich.

[Rich Boss]

He's going to end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rich is like, I. I know it when I see it. He's going to end up on Johnny Carson any day now. I swear to God. This guy, we need to get him on star search.

[Rich Boss]

He's going to be star search.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I swear to God. I swear to God. When M. Griffin finds this guy, it's going to be incredible. Oh, I swear to God. Hey, I. I want to book you at the last sub. I swear to God. Hey, you know what? You should perform at the dinosaur factory, Rich?

[Rich Boss]

Rip in the Allentown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God, what an episode. We're having fun tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull. Whoa. Wow. Shirley Temple Heidi getting big pops tonight. The ladies lover. The dudes lover. Absolutely incredible. This Guy's going to jerk off right now in the bathroom. It's absolutely unbelievable. Your next bucket pole has been on the show a couple times. You know, it's just so fun every time this young lady is on. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Juanita, everybody. Here we go.

[Juanita]

Hey. So I started working at a restaurant, and I'm annoyed with my manager because she doesn't say anything to the little kids running around. And I used to be a corporate manager, and I would lie, so I'd be like, hey, you guys, we don't want the kids running around because we have some broken glass. Or, hey, y', all, we just had a service dog eat a piece of Oreo cheesecake and diarrhea all over the main dining room. We're gonna wanna keep the kids right here. Hey, y', all, our busser is a registered sex offender and he's really horny. And your kids are super hot, so we're just gonna wanna keep them neatly stowed right here at the table. Anybody uncircumcised? Yeah, me too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Juanita, Juanita, Always a decent minute. But your interviews are absolutely priceless. Let's start here. One thing that I noticed right from the very, very top of your set. Do you notice what you did?

[Juanita]

Oh, I said oshuna shay even before that. No, I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You went like that. Is that a thing that you think a lot of trans comedians have to do when they

[Juanita]

probably, you know, have some voice issues?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For those of you that don't know or haven't put it together yet, if you're easily tricked and would have ended up sucking a fat cock tonight. Oh, Juanita was originally a wand there. All right, Juanita, welcome.

[Juanita]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's talk about it. You said that you're. Are you really uncircumcised? Is that an actual thing?

[Juanita]

Yeah, I was born in Mexico.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They don't do that there, huh? No, they keep the fucking corn tortilla right there, huh?

[Juanita]

Yeah, it's pretty common.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a Mexican rich. Voss clearly hates trans people. He's completely shut down. He doesn't know what to do. He's just looking back and forth, forth,

[Rich Boss]

super confused, shell shot from the whole night. What the. I didn't know that was a dude. I got. I got hard for nothing.

[Juanita]

Not. Not for nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, whoa, hey, whoa.

[Adam Ray]

We'll be right back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. That's right. So, Juanita, how's life going? Remind us again, how long you been doing stand up?

[Juanita]

About three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three Years. What do you do for work?

[Juanita]

So right now I'm working at a restaurant. Actually, I'm working at a restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you doing at the restaurant?

[Juanita]

Just serving. Just serving rotisserie chicken that cost $36 at a restaurant called Fressa's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I actually like that place. Yeah, I love that place. Should I not. Should I not love it?

[Juanita]

No, they're amazing. They're actually, like. They feed us, like, three times a day. They're amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're a great, consistent, good meal. What were you. What were you saying there? Let's go to our own resident rotisserie chicken, Rich Voss, who's been spinning around all night, slowly and slowly.

[Rich Boss]

She said, they feed her three times a day. I just said, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like she's picking up double shifts.

[Rich Boss]

Oh, listen, look, you're doing comedy. You're having fun. Do it all before you go to hell. That's what I. Yeah,

[Juanita]

I'm trans, so that's. That's what's gonna happen.

[Adam Ray]

When did you know. When did you know to. You wanted to make the switch?

[Juanita]

I knew my whole life, but I didn't do it until I was, like, 30.

[Adam Ray]

What? Why?

[Offender]

Oh.

[Juanita]

Cause, like, I got, like, a linguistics degree, and I wanted to be an interpreter. And so, like, I don't know. I just couldn't. I didn't know how to navigate, like, the professional and then, like, also being trans. So I just. I was, like, trans around, like, my friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, were your friends trans?

[Juanita]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Juanita]

Actually didn't really, like, have any trans friends until I moved to Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are your friends. Okay. So, Juanita, when you say you knew your whole life that you were a man or a woman in a man's body, what do you mean? Like, how did you first know? Like, how does that kind of happen? Were you excited to, like, do the dishes or something like that?

[Juanita]

No. I get it. I get in trouble a lot for doing fat. Like, playing with Barbies. And, like, no, but I knew. And, like, in my mind, I had this little fantasy where, like, one day we were gonna go to the doctor, and they were gonna do some testing, be like, oh, no, we made a mistake. And you're like, oh, okay. But no, that didn't happen. But, yeah, I would, like, fantasize as a child, I would fantasize about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Sometimes, like, in a hotel, I'll put my dick between my legs, and I'll run around the room going, who's a pretty girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So Rich is asking, did you do that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Juanita]

Similar. Similar experience. You nailed it. Yeah, spot on. Still do sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Saw. Juanita, do you have a. What? What are you into? You into boys, girls? How does this work exactly?

[Juanita]

I like men.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like men?

[Juanita]

Like big old white men?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like big white men to treat you like a lady and then. So have you ever been on like a date with maybe someone that maybe like didn't know? Like did they like do you have to. What. At what point? What's it like doing?

[Juanita]

That used to happen and then like now I just get it out of the way. I'm like. Cuz it. It can be like a little dangerous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course. And so especially here in Texas.

[Juanita]

Yeah. No, no, no. So I learned I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not the only one carrying a concealed weapon, you know.

[Juanita]

Yeah, no, no, no. That's definitely happened before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you get it out of the way, right? You get it out of the way early. What was a close call? Was there ever one where like I don't know, you say it?

[Juanita]

No, I think the only thing I can think of is just like sometimes like I can kind of like. I used to be able to like tell when a guy was like about to like kind of like, like grab my crotch or something and like. Oh, like before you do that like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then I got a secret. What's the full. Would your voice.

[Adam Ray]

Would your voice get that deep when you would say that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Cuz I think you could tell after

[Juanita]

that I'd go, I'd go full Jerry Springer. The reason I brought you here. Quantavius. Oh, I was born a man.

[Adam Ray]

Funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when you would have to do that, if it got to that point, if they were about to grab your crotch and you double made sure, like whatever. How like would they. Would they just keep going? Would they? Would it? Oh yeah.

[Juanita]

They don't give a right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. At that point, either they knew or they're down for an adventure.

[Juanita]

No. Yeah, it's usually like sometimes they get more excited, right? They're like, oh, like I got one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Look at his food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Come for the chicken, stay for the beef. All right, Juanita, what do you do for fun? What's a hobby of yours?

[Juanita]

I like painting a lot. And then I like do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhoh. They have so many walls.

[Adam Ray]

Put your political views aside for one night.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Crap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like painting? What else?

[Juanita]

Painting. I like doing karaoke. I like doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your karaoke song of choice? Do you go boy or girl on that one? Are you doing Celine Dion or Dion? Celine. Both the violins in the stream.

[Juanita]

How do you know about Dion now I go like Selena usually do. Selena.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Can we get a little. Can we get a little a taste of the Selena nachos? Belgrande has been waiting for me to get a Selena song for years. Here. Here we go. All right, all right. I'm gonna stop you there. That is amazing. That is amazing. Somehow you sound like Selena and you look like the lady that shot her at the same time. Absolutely incredible.

[Adam Ray]

That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You already have a big joke book.

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise of Juanita, everybody. Can I do one thing? I don't know why you would have to do one thing. What's going on, Juanita? I want to challenge Rick Diaz for his golden ticket. No, no, that's not how it works, Juanita. That's not how it works. There goes Juanita, everybody. Thank you so much. Adorable. Adorable there a little. The man came out at the end there. I want to take Rick Diaz's job. Wow. All right, your next bucket poll. Looks like a new name. Goes by the name of Lisa Smith, everybody. Lisa Smith. Here we go. Thank you.

[Lisa Smith]

Okay, this is great. Where are my white men at? Okay, great. I think the funniest thing about World War II, you guys love, love it. I think the funniest thing is how adorable Japanese people became after, like, these people used to be scary. They used to be, like, kamikaze pilots and samurais. And then after the war, they were like, kenichiwa, we're cute now. I could say that, though. I could say that because I'm a weird black person. And everyone knows all weird black people are Japanese for some reason. I don't know why, but I am gonna name my baby Super Kawaii. Super Kawaii Leonard. Okay, great. You guys watch basketball. I think the second funniest thing About World War II is one of Oppenheimer's girlfriends killed herself. Cause just like white women gotta make everything about them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, thank you. You. Lisa Smith. Welcome, welcome.

[Lisa Smith]

Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi. Hello. How are you? This is your first time on the show, right?

[Lisa Smith]

Yeah. At Mothership. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where was the other time?

[Lisa Smith]

At Vulcan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so it's been a few years. All right, awesome. How long you been doing standup?

[Lisa Smith]

Oh, like, nine years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nine years. All of it here in Austin, Texas?

[Lisa Smith]

No, Atlanta. Duh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, that. That was my next guess.

[Lisa Smith]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, Atlanta. How long have you been in Austin?

[Lisa Smith]

Like, three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. Absolutely. Perfect. What do you do for work?

[Lisa Smith]

I serve tables at, like, A crab restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At a crab restaurant. A lot of servers here too. At a crab restaurant. And Lisa, your set was very funny, filled with punchlines. World War II. I would not have guessed that you would come out with a full minute of World War II material. Guns ablaze and like that. Absolutely incredible. Tell us more about you, Lisa Smith.

[Lisa Smith]

Okay, I. I like, like scrawny dudes. I like anime. Okay, great. That was one of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say scrawny dudes, you mean scrawny black dudes or white dudes?

[Lisa Smith]

It can be whatever. Well, okay, it could be white and black is number one and two. But I've. I've every race, white and black.

[Rich Boss]

Ever been to a Hampton in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lisa, you're into anime. What else? Let me ask you this. When you say scrawny dudes, how scrawny are you talking? What's like the smallest guy you've ever hooked up with? With, if you had to guess his weight.

[Lisa Smith]

130 ish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

130. Yep. That's pretty light. Do you know who Heath Cordis is? Yeah, I don't. I don't know. He's a tiny, tiny little boy spinner. Where is he?

[Lisa Smith]

No, I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is Heath here? But he have eyes on Heath. He might be under one of your tables running around right now. He likes to pick up little things that people drop op.

[Adam Ray]

Do you have a job? What do you do for work?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She works at a crab restaurant. She's a server at a crab restaurant. Hell yeah.

[Cameron Frisk]

She said.

[Adam Ray]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, sorry.

[Juanita]

Y.

[Adam Ray]

What, where, what, what do you. What's your position there?

[Lisa Smith]

Server.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a server at a crab.

[Adam Ray]

This moment is brought to you by the Rich Voss School of Comedy where. Where anyone can listen and then just say whatever they want and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And followed up with a. I'm back.

[Adam Ray]

Classes are going on right now, Monday through Wednesday, 3 to 3:15.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's.

[Rich Boss]

You're so likable. I could see you on SNL.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They got like four of her on SNL already. That's exactly what SNL wants on snl.

[Lisa Smith]

There's a lot of me in New York. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. No doubt about it. Lisa, tell us something crazy about your life. Tell us something wild would surprise us about you.

[Lisa Smith]

My whole family's crazy. Three trying to fight me before I left Atlanta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did they try to fight you for?

[Lisa Smith]

Okay, okay.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, this is going to be good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah, this is going to be great.

[Lisa Smith]

Well, 1 thought I was trying to her girlfriend and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you do that sometimes? Do you hook up with chicks?

[Lisa Smith]

No, I, I hear my voice. I know now I'm straight. And then one, I did fuck her boyfriend. And then the last one, I don't know. I don't know. I think she thought I was better than her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would you, why would she think that you thought that she was better than her?

[Lisa Smith]

I think my voice sounds affluent. But I'm poor. But I think that kind of gets. Black women don't like that. Black people don't like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They don't. They don't. Is this true? Black people. The black people look very confused. John D's.

[Adam Ray]

Are you the child of Macy Gray and Cam Patterson?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Lisa Smith]

I would love that.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. How long has your hair been like that? It's a really, like, It's a great quality.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. Was there a barber shop at the Underground Railroad that you went to? All right. Wow. Oh, even John. You're not gonna laugh at that? Jesus, John. John's gotten too used to the show. Four years has gotten to his fucking head. Used to laugh at jokes like that. Aha. Can I touch your hair? Oh, my God. Red band. No. Let me answer that for you. You cannot touch her hair.

[Rich Boss]

Do you have a boyfriend now?

[Lisa Smith]

Yeah, I guess.

[Rich Boss]

A comedian. You date a comedian?

[Lisa Smith]

You? No, I used to do that. I, I, I stopped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? Who are you hollering?

[Rich Boss]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That, that means are you trying to, Are you trying to go on a date with her? Are you hollering at her?

[Rich Boss]

Oh, no, no. I couldn't handle that.

[Adam Ray]

Where do you work? Do you have a, a job with. You serve at a crab restaurant? Do you?

[Lisa Smith]

I serve tables at a crab restaurant.

[Adam Ray]

What? What? Who are, like, your influences when you first got into stand up?

[Lisa Smith]

Wow. These are like real questions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that, that is a very, very serious question you got there. What is this? Inside the Actors Studio?

[Adam Ray]

What's your favorite curse word? What to do Turns you on. Rich vs. What turns you off?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fedoras. How about this?

[Adam Ray]

What would you do if you weren't doing standup comedy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Should probably be a server at a crab restaurant. Here's a big joke book. We're gonna. There she goes. Makes noise for Lisa Smith. We're having fun here tonight. All right, make some noise for your next bucket poll. Ladies and gentlemen, it is Will Owens, everybody.

[Adam Ray]

Will.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will Owens, Shut your ass up.

[Will Owens]

I hope all y' all doing well. I'm feeling great. My wife and I just finished adopting an at risk youth. Yeah, we got a little crack baby at the crib and shit. Every morning before work, I pick them Up. Take a deep breath. Get a little contact high. Shit. Better than coffee, man. I do have a question. I'm asked this side of the room because some of y' all look like y' all grew up in the system. What's the return policy on an orphan? Anybody know? Is it 30 days? Do I still need the receipt? At this point, I'll take store credit. This little nigga gotta go. They told me he was refurbished. Good as new. Hey, he came out. That box broken?

[Juanita]

All right.

[Lisa Smith]

Oh.

[Will Owens]

Before I get out of here, somebody please take a picture of me so my wife doesn't think I'm cheating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will Owens, you have one more.

[Will Owens]

I was gonna say just send her the picture in three. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will Owens. So you are married?

[Will Owens]

Yeah, married.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And do you really have a kid? Yeah.

[Will Owens]

It's not a crack baby, though, but yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, that was my next question. It was. When you say orphan, you adopted it?

[Will Owens]

No, that's just a joke. I just write jokes.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, relax. Well, Jesus Christ Almighty. That's why. All right.

[Will Owens]

That's why I was here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Relax, Will.

[Rich Boss]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're doing okay. Relax. Relax. You're not in court right now. Relax, Will. It's okay. I'm gonna take. I want this to go good for you, too, Will. How long you been doing standup?

[Will Owens]

About two and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Will Owens]

Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, everybody groaned earlier when I asked the black guy. Atlanta and then Houston. Just take note. Atlanta, Houston. I'm just saying, South Florida would be the third guess where the guy was from. All right. So, Will. Houston, Texas. Two and a half years. You still live there?

[Will Owens]

Yeah, I'm not from Houston. I just moved there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you originally from San Bernardino, California? What made you move to Houston?

[Will Owens]

It's cheaper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Will Owens]

Yeah, that's about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do you do for a living there?

[Will Owens]

I'm a staff and agency recruiter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. You like that job? Yeah, I love it. Okay. Yeah. What do you do for fun, Will? Fuck y'. All. Everyone likes you, Will. Everybody likes you. Laughing at my job? No, they're just laughing. They just think you're likable, Will. It's a good thing.

[Will Owens]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing good. Ready to turn on everybody? Real fast ass. Very defensive. Will.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Are you always that. Are you always that quick? To y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Adam Ray]

You do that a lot?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Juanita]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

It's a joke. But you kind of mean it.

[Will Owens]

Yeah, only to my friends. I can't be my true self to strangers.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, I think that's what Ted Bundy said. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now it's good to do. It works.

[Adam Ray]

And you too can use a punchline like that. If you take classes at the Rich V School of Comedy, operators are standing by. Classes are $630. They take Venmo and cash. Three to 3:15, Monday through Tuesday.

[Rich Boss]

That's my birthday. 6:30.

[Adam Ray]

That's your birthday? 6:30?

[Rich Boss]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, thanks, Rich. That's a big part of the comedy show. Hey, you guessed my birthday.

[Rich Boss]

Just if you want to play that number.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

6:30.

[Rich Boss]

I like your J's. You look good, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

New sneakers, you know about. Did you know what J's are?

[Rich Boss]

I got 50 pairs. I'm a headliner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. A headliner. A headliner. I've never heard of such a. How do you get to be a headliner? Who gets. How do you get to go up last at the comedy club?

[Rich Boss]

All right, co headliner.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. They're.

[Will Owens]

They're not Jordans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Will, tell us something crazy about your life. Tell us a fun fact about you or something about your life that would surprise us or that. That wouldn't anything really. Just.

[Will Owens]

I met my. One of my brothers when I was in like high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Will Owens]

Yeah, I didn't even know he existed that week before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. This is from obviously your father's side. Yes. Yeah, yeah,

[Adam Ray]

yeah.

[Will Owens]

Low hanging fruit, that one, huh?

[Adam Ray]

Was it emotionally?

[Rich Boss]

No.

[Will Owens]

Yeah, no, it was like a ghetto Mori episode. And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, that happens. That's a thing that happens to white people too. That be happening to some white people.

[Cam Patterson]

That be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you meet him?

[Will Owens]

Like, like jail. So my.

[Adam Ray]

The Red Band School of Comedy is. Is taking submissions now at the Sunset strip.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a 20 minute course. You get a certificate at the end. What made you meet your brother then? Was that your dad's idea?

[Will Owens]

No, I don't think either one of us knew he existed for real. My sister's good friend, she was hanging out and my sister's good friend's mom walked in, asked her her name, she told her her full name. And she was like, oh, are you related to Willie Owens Jr. And she was like, that's my dad. And then she was like, oh, you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

want to meet your brother?

[Will Owens]

And then she was like, little, come in here, meet your sister.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Cash.

[Will Owens]

And then my sister called me like, little nigga, come in here, meet your brother. Yeah, but we're cool now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What I said about that happening to white enough people. It doesn't happen like that. It's not exactly like that.

[Adam Ray]

Have you guys kicked it since you reunited?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Will Owens]

Talk to him all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You guys find that you have a lot of things in common?

[Will Owens]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Well. Well, what else? Anything else other than staff and recruiting? What? You have any hobbies or anything like that?

[Will Owens]

Just for real, Just being a father. Comedy, right? Every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old's your kid?

[Will Owens]

Two.

[Juanita]

Two.

[Will Owens]

Two years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that Willowens iii?

[Will Owens]

No, it's a girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah. Were you happy when you found out you were having a girl?

[Will Owens]

Yeah, I was happy. I would have been happy no matter what it was. Was, you know, I just wanted a healthy kid.

[Adam Ray]

What's the toughest part about being a dad?

[Will Owens]

Toughest part about being a dad? Staying there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Rich Boss]

No, not a black dad

[Adam Ray]

again. That number for the rich V255.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will Owens. Thank you so much. She's kill Tony debut. It has happened. Will Owens. All right, we're gonna speed through this next part of the show. I have another golden ticket winner. Literally, famously, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody. Here you go.

[Cam Patterson]

Cool.

[Martin Phillips]

Hey, what's up?

[Adam Ray]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay, cool. It was Ash Wednesday recently. I couldn't make it to church, so I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead. She's great maid at this time. The only ash I had. But anyway, I'm a lover, not a fighter. So when someone tries to fight me, I try to have sex with them. Like, let's do that this another way. Let's meet it the middle, you know, because this deal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

Anyway, no, I don't think I can fight many people. I think I got old people and children. So if you're under eight or over 80, stay the out of my way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59 and a half seconds for Martin Phillips. These people are dialed in super professional.

[Martin Phillips]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

100% all, all time batting average for Martin Phillips. How. How's life going, Martin? You look fantastic.

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, now he this cord.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's corduroy goodness.

[Martin Phillips]

Mountain F, dude. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing better than a corduroy shirt on the first 85 degree day of the year.

[Martin Phillips]

It was cold in the morning. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You put it on in the morning. You dress up in the morning. Morning. And then no matter what happens, I.

[Martin Phillips]

I take my outfit. Okay. Stick with my fashion. Nice. All black. Wow, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Favorite color or something. You called her behind her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you talking right now? What the is going on? Exactly what's going on?

[Martin Phillips]

Are you going to a funeral?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, you are so lucky. I don't understand what you're saying.

[Martin Phillips]

No, you look great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What is happening over here? Just cuz you can't take the shirt off. Just cuz you can't unbutton your buttons after you get all dressed in the morning.

[Adam Ray]

Come on, Mart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, Mart. No, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, we've run out of time. Oh. Oh, the place is going wild. Oh. Oh, what a twitch.

[Offender]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. This is how you kill me. How the. Now the shoes. How the hell is this the biggest show in comedy right now? This doesn't make any sense. We have dudes with cerebral palsy taking off their shirts to standing ovations and Netflix is like, how do I get involved? Absolutely incredible.

[Martin Phillips]

Fun part is going to be button back up, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's going to be.

[Martin Phillips]

I didn't think about that part.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're going to see Juanita with a new green corduroy do rag later wrapped around her head.

[Adam Ray]

Martin, that could be your new closer.

[Martin Phillips]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Take off the pant. I do that sometimes. I do that. Or reverse Bert Kreischer. I think the past.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Rich Boss]

Has. Has anybody ever tried to use you as a dildo?

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's back.

[Martin Phillips]

He's back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips, a cold, cold blooded assassin. You are truly the man. Is there anything else crazy we should know about you before moving on?

[Martin Phillips]

You know, all you guys, everybody, they love you. Yeah, dude. You know, I've been doing so well lately, I. I don't think I have to substitute anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. No more substitute teaching, watching. You're on tour, you're doing the road a lot. You're selling tickets.

[Adam Ray]

Yo, can I say this? Martin Phillips Did a Dr. Phil live in Las Vegas in January, and he came out first. And the place 4, 100 people went nuts when he came out.

[Rich Voss]

Dude,

[Adam Ray]

you're a beast, Martin. You're so goddamn nice and funny, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

So I can retire. Sound stupid? Yeah, but crazy. Thank God. Last days I substituted. I did something I'd ever done before at work. Well, I shit my pants at the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

job and while you were teaching.

[Martin Phillips]

Luckily it was at the end of the day because I don't think I could have hid that from the kids. I think they would have known I shit my pants.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And what was it exactly that you were doing when you shit your pants? You're a substitute teacher. So you play a lot of videos and stuff?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, well, you know, I just. I just had the feeling of shitting. But then I have a classroom of students, so I was like, oh, I can wait till the end of the period. And I could not, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But luckily it happened after rewearing jeans.

[Daniel Velasquez]

Oh.

[Martin Phillips]

I was wearing khakis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Wow. And was it a lot? Was it like a little shard or was it.

[Martin Phillips]

Let me tell you, it was. It was a vast amount of feces.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

Not to quote my own joke, but I was like, what am I gonna do with all this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What did you do? Take us through the moment.

[Martin Phillips]

It looked like. It looked like I peed out my butt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So anytime someone describes as a vast amount of feces.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, were you wearing. So you got to wear, like, NBA tearaways next time.

[Martin Phillips]

Not be nasty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Take us actually through it now. You.

[Adam Ray]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your pants. And there's a ton of. It is an unbelievable amount of. And you always have. Let's just me slow it down here. Let the record show that he is not like a. You know.

[Martin Phillips]

Well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. But he's also not like a comic that just would say that he. His pants and that he.

[Martin Phillips]

A lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To tell a funny story.

[Offender]

Like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You go to my school of comic.

[Martin Phillips]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So this being one of the more intellectual, true joke writers on the show's roster. This is actually incredible.

[Martin Phillips]

And honestly, to be honest, maybe not surprising. I do happen to poop myself more often than you would imagine. It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, you always walk like.

[Adam Ray]

You just shave.

[Martin Phillips]

I have to go to a doctor, and I have, like, ibs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's go. Let's go back.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. What is it, the last period of the day? Right? Last period.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you, like. And you're.

[Martin Phillips]

Bell rings, kids, out. I'm like, okay, let's go. I start towards the door, and I'm

[Jim Telly]

like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how did you get out of there with all that shit in your pants? Was it running down your leg at all?

[Martin Phillips]

I don't think I walked slowly. I waited for. I waited a few minutes for all the school buses to leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Adam Ray]

You know, there was one kid left

[Martin Phillips]

behind who was like, Mr. Phillips, are you okay?

[Adam Ray]

And he's like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

get the out of here.

[Martin Phillips]

Kid having a fever. So I. I just sat down and waited. And I sat down. It was squishy. I was like, oh. I knew it was a fast amount.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But how do you get to your car? Don't you have to, like, clock out? What does substitute teachers do?

[Martin Phillips]

Just balance, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know? I guess. I guess I don't know how it works.

[Martin Phillips]

It's funny. I sat in the teacher's chair, I waited and I got up. I left a wet bar, called the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

teachers, oh, my God, you're like the

[Adam Ray]

wet bandits from Home Alone.

[Cameron Frisk]

So.

[Martin Phillips]

So he probably thought it was a prank by a student.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He.

[Martin Phillips]

He probably didn't think it was by the guy who substituted for him that day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Martin Phillips]

But I had a lie, so I tried to clean. I don't think I did not follow through on the chair. So who knows what happened to it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But anyway, I think it's a sign that it is indeed time to give up substitute.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, you too.

[Adam Ray]

That's God telling you that's a wrap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You left your mark on that school.

[Juanita]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You left your mark in the community.

[Martin Phillips]

I walked with my knees bent like

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this, which isn't much different than normal.

[Martin Phillips]

It got a hole and I got a, you know, nothing. I think it held the shit. So that luckily I have a seat protector on my car so I can sit on the seat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

But then I threw that out after I got home, and then I just went straight to the shower and threw everything away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Rich Boss]

Washed up.

[Martin Phillips]

And nobody knows at that school except

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

all the millions of people now they

[Martin Phillips]

know they don't go to the middle school I was at.

[Rich Voss]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Martin, what can I say? You fill our hearts every time you're on. Just like you fill the backside of your pit pants when you're teaching. We love you. You've done it again. Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. All right, before. You know what. You know what I'm in the mood to do? I'm in the mood to do something fun here right now. And I know we're running late, and you people got here hours ago. You want to end it now? You think we should do something fun? Prison guy, what's your name? What is it?

[Adam Ray]

Old finger Offender. Oh, Offender.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Offender. Okay, I wanna. I wanna get. Guy in the green shirt. Make a little space here. Make some noise for Offender. Everybody a minute from Offender. Come on. There you go. Get to the microphone. There you go. No, right there. You're. Time starts, Offender. Come on. Hell.

[Offender]

Fuck yeah, dude. Oh, my fucking God. I wanna say this. I did my time like a man. That's right. Take that, Brittney Griner. Couple things about prison you should know in case you decide to go. Farting is considered a form of flirting. And I had to learn that the hard way. When I let one rip and I heard a dude way down the way, he said, hey, I hear you calling my name down there. And if you didn't laugh at that joke. I guess that's one of those moments in life where you should have been there. Cause that shit was funny, but I was scared. You know what I'm saying? I hated when the guards made me strip down because they never tipped. I felt like that shit was rude as hell. There is one more thing I will say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go right ahead. There is a sound. You've done your time, but we're sending you back for more. I appreciate it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Offender]

There is one sound that haunts me to this day. It's not the sound of a man getting raped or two men enjoying it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Too many. What?

[Offender]

Two men enjoying it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two men enjoying. Okay.

[Offender]

It's actually the sound chains make when you walk. Yeah, it sounds like chink, chink cheek.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, offender, I give you a shot there again.

[Adam Ray]

That's the rich boss school of comedy.

[Cam Patterson]

Is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's actually, actually. He actually is a double. He's a. He's got his. He. He went to both schools. Okay, offender, let's talk about it real quick. How long were you in prison for?

[Offender]

I did 13 months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

13 months. What did you get sentenced to prison for?

[Offender]

I had two grams of pot.01 of cocaine when I was 26. I was on the run for about six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Offender]

In Alabama.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a felony in Alabama. No doubt about.

[Offender]

I'm sorry, my voice sounds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're okay. Don't worry about it. We gotta fly through it.

[Offender]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So. So how long have you been listening to Kill Tony? Did you find it in prison or before?

[Offender]

Yes, sir. So I found it in prison and luckily I was like a low level offender.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry.

[Offender]

And so I was able to go out into the free. I was in a work release camp after a certain amount of time and I was able to go out. Thank you, Red Bane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, keep going.

[Offender]

I was able to go out every day into the free world and I would work at this chicken plant and I would listen to Kill Tony. I didn't even get to watch it. And Michael Lair was actually the comedian that convinced me, like, gave me the inspiration.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. The late, great, one of my favorite humans ever, the great Michael Lair. So you did that. So you found it there? Was it somebody that recommended it to you? How'd you find it in prison?

[Offender]

I actually believe that, to be honest with you, was Jre. I think I'd seen you guys on there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We were talking about it. So you tried it out.

[Offender]

This is way before you guys came to Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever done stand up comedy before for.

[Offender]

So I'VE been doing stand up now. I moved here two and a half months ago and I've been doing it every day for three to five mics a day since I've got here.

[Adam Ray]

Dude, that's how you do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, sir. Yep.

[Offender]

I waited three years. I live on my short bus. I dedicate my life to this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is all on a short bus?

[Offender]

Yes, sir. I'm an Alabama, and it checks out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Yeah, I love it. And do you have a job?

[Offender]

No, sir. Comedy is the career and passion that I'm choosing, so I'm dedicating all of my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you survive, though?

[Jim Telly]

How you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you make a little bit of money to survive? What are you just committing crimes? Oh, it's going to be the fifth. Yo, come on, tell the truth. You know the show, you know, it's better when you're honest.

[Offender]

Tell the truth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Offender]

So I sell some of the best goddamn weed that I grew myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're growing it in the short bus or outdoors?

[Offender]

No, I used to live in Oregon. I was a professional piece pot grower. So when I went to go turn myself in, I drove my short bus across country. When I got done, I went back to Oregon and I recently I had to get my license. I had to do a lot of steps to move here to Austin to follow this dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Offender]

So I like, literally the past three years, been dedicating to try to get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Offender]

I am 36.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

36. You know what? I'm going to have you paint red band's house.

[Offender]

Hey, hey. I'm more professional than that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I love it. I'm just kidding. No one's letting you in their house. Come on. Come on. I mean, maybe you get it.

[Juanita]

Come on.

[Adam Ray]

Maybe John Cena. If he's having a John Cena lookalike party, that's a compliment. Where do you get your material from?

[Offender]

So, like, I obviously do have all of the prison material that I do, but I have my normal stuff as well. And I practice every day. I've been out on the street, like, literally barking for the past week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I'm sorry, my voice is barking to get people into the comedy show so that you can do a spot? Is that what you're talking about? Are you literally barking because you're on crystal meth?

[Offender]

No, no, no, no.

[Jim Telly]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No math, right? Yeah.

[Offender]

I mean, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you still partake in things? Are you still kind of a party boy?

[Offender]

No, sir. Just marijuana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just marijuana. 100%. You don't drink thca. Sure, but you don't drink. You don't do coke anymore?

[Offender]

No, sir. So I do drink a little bit, Officer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Sorry. But since you're a Kill Tony fan, I'm gonna let you off the hook.

[Offender]

Yeah, I appreciate it. Hey, can I tell you one thing that I really have? Like, it's special. It's really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

Do feels like it's going to be.

[Offender]

You know the Kill Tony bingo board?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Offender]

I have a tattoo of it on my thigh that I got while I was in prison.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a Kill Tony T. I

[Offender]

have to see Kill Tony be your boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y' all want to see it? Yeah.

[Offender]

Just make some noise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gonna show it. What the going on here? Let's do it. We're running out of time, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. That is incredible. That is the actual Kill Tony entire bingo card. That is unbelievable. That is incredible. I got your life together well. Well, I guess so. I love it. I love it. Offender, congratulations. Here's a big joke. There you go. Oh, Jesus. Right off his face. Hey, I'm sorry. Sorry. You're.

[Offender]

I catch cases, not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. Okay, we got to finish the show. Go have fun. Get out of here.

[Adam Ray]

Wow, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One more time for Offender, everybody. Making dreams come true. And now, Working Man. Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, this is it. The moment you've been waiting for. A show that featured two golden ticket winners. Two. I mean, the closer went first. So I guess there's truly only one way to end an episode like this, and that is with unlike Offender, a guy who's still trying to get his American citizenship. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Estonian Assassin. The one and only, the great and powerful Ari Mati. Yo, yo.

[Rich Voss]

A friend of mine got cheated on by his girl.

[Juanita]

Very sad.

[Rich Voss]

And he found out that she cheated. The only way men find out that they've been cheated on, she told him. Let's be honest, men ain't figuring shit

[Will Owens]

out

[Rich Voss]

we don't notice. When you get a new haircut. You think I'm gonna notice a sparkle in your eyes? You think I'm gonna notice an overall glow about you? Dude, I can't imagine how easy it is to cheat on a guy. I could come home, the other guy's in the closet, Smell of sperm is all across the apartment. I'll still be like, baby, what you cooking? Is that full? You could have the other guys come fall out of your. I'll be like, holy, I'm killing it. I'll tell my friends my baby girl come. White dude. Cheating On a woman, though. Different story. They can tell even if they don't have evidence.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They'll just look at you fucking.

[Rich Voss]

You'll just fucking. Dude, if you want to cheat on a woman, you gotta meet that other bitch in, like, Guadalajara with a fake passport. You gotta destroy the evidence after. You gotta fucking. You might have to drown that bitch. You might have to. You might have to drown her in the lake, like. Sorry, mamacita, But the bitch where now you're seeing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tommy Amor.

[Rich Voss]

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

[Juanita]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy. It's crazy. What's going on here is crazy. We are witnessing a great comedian become one of truly the truly. I really believe you're, like one of the best in the world right now. It's crazy.

[Rich Voss]

Very nice of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're watching it happen in real time in the public eye.

[Rich Voss]

It's pretty crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is crazy. You're a superstar.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

My life, dude. 1212 fucking years. Nobody wanted me. The festivals didn't want me. Jfk, jfl. I hope you fucking burned to hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, they. They did, by the way. They went bankrupt.

[Rich Voss]

Somebody bought him. I hope he dies too. I've auditioned to every fucking festival. I've been to London, Melbourne. Fuck you. Nobody wanted me. And then I finally found this motherfucking hardcore comedy community.

[Offender]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that's it. You chased it down. So, Adam, do you want to jump in here? Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Ari, where do you work? Do you have a job?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's.

[Adam Ray]

Do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[William Montgomery]

No.

[Adam Ray]

Do you get recognized? Like, you mentioned that. Like, you're obviously like, in Austin.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, but I think it's like the Kill Tony fans, they're always so cool. You know, they want to be cool. You know, they don't want to run up to. Guys are always weird. You know, they're like, what's up, player?

[Colin Sledge]

You know?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. What is your demo? Lie.

[Rich Voss]

Mostly men. All men. All men. It's always men.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

Men. Always after shows in the corner. That was a great new tag.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I noticed you were.

[Rich Voss]

That's a great new tag.

[Adam Ray]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really amazing.

[Rich Voss]

Rule of three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a good compliment, though. That is an interesting.

[Colin Sledge]

No, it is.

[Rich Voss]

Of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

It's the best fans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I'm gonna go off of. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I want to cover something here that I did notice this week and Red Ban has brought it up on this screen. The Estonian mp. What does that stand for? Main prime or something even.

[Rich Voss]

I'm blanking what he's done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's something with money, but he's okay.

[Rich Voss]

In the government? No, he's in the European whatever commission.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The guy's haircut is crazy.

[Daniel Velasquez]

I know.

[Rich Voss]

Everybody's been sending me this meme this whole week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

Have you guys seen this haircut?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know people do this a lot in Estonia.

[Rich Voss]

I mean, in modern day politics you gotta stand out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rich Voss]

He has a really hot girlfriend too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Banging. Really?

[Rich Voss]

Check out the girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet he does. He's got kind of energy. He's got fucking party boy energy.

[Rich Voss]

I know it is a crazy. Erica, but if you're in front of a commission from a small country that nobody gives a fuck about. Yeah, this is a great start.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got to stand up. Out. We're going to put the picture of them over the screen during this part so that people can fathom what the hell we're talking about. Cuz it is a goddamn absolute mental illness. It's an architectural. It's an architectural. Is that a word? Architectural. Architect.

[Adam Ray]

Looks like the guy who farted at offender. Yeah, I just wanted to say your name again.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, this is the prisoner, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's the guy over there.

[William Montgomery]

I saw an.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thought.

[Rich Voss]

And yes, you are very, very prison.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari. Anything else we should you want to say before we put a ribbon on this episode?

[Rich Voss]

Killers of Kill Tony. Amazing, you know? Yeah, dude, we go out sometimes to party. Dude, you should check out the crew. We go. It's David Jolly, me and Martin Phillips. These bouncers don't know what the fuck kind of Avengers are walking in. Just a fucking. The blackest guy you've ever seen. A fucking Nazi and a crippled.

[Offender]

It's like a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really.

[Rich Voss]

It's like a anecdote when we just walk into bars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cameron Frisk]

And I love the way they look

[Rich Voss]

at Martin from the distance. They're like, what the fuck? How fucked up is this guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy's. And he's gotta be like, I'm not up. I'm just like. Like this.

[Adam Ray]

And you too can learn a Martin Phillips impression at the Rich Voss school of comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. You. You do some impressions. It's usually in the green room where I see him. That crash. What was the other one? What was the one that.

[Rich Voss]

I sneak him out sometimes.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I didn't realize.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is the other one? You had another one though? I don't. Maybe it's not good to do it if I don't know who it is. But who was it? It. You. You were doing one the other night that had me.

[Rich Voss]

Well, David Jolly is really fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I wait, you have. You have a David Jolly? God, Damn. Hell yeah. Ari, you like? I mean, there's not. I mean, I could go on and on. So I'm not going to.

[Rich Voss]

Thank you to all the fans.

[Offender]

Thank you for supporting me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're watching it in real life, rockstar. An international superstar. How about one more time? Did you guys have fun tonight, huh? One more time for your reigning defending hall of famer and 2023 guest of the year, Adam Ray. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Phil is on tour. Adam Ray is on tour. You can get tickets for all those events which are giant theaters. This guy is thriving. Adam Ray, comedy.com. and how about one more time for rich boss, ladies and gentlemen. His new special is on Amazon. It is called anonymous. We absolutely love you guys. Thank you to zip recruiter and shopify. The drawing from Ryan nje belt is in and it's absolutely stunning. That does. That is an incredible drawing. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Netflix kill Tony joining forces April 7th. Whatever you do, I don't think I've ever really asked you guys for anything. But watch it. Tell your friends friends to watch it. When you go to somebody else's house, just turn it on. Turn it on everywhere. Have your friends turn it on. We're gonna do a little campaigning. Is everybody gonna watch on April 7th? It's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be. It's gonna be our. It's gonna be really, really good. It's gonna. Let's check out what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Oh, wow. It's me, Russ, in a paying homage to stone Cold. See, if I lifted weights. I could.

[Rich Boss]

I could.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. April 7th. We did it. Twelve years of doing this show and now the world will know we are going to be shoved right down their floor Throats. Red band. Love you guys. I love you. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. World peace stall. We love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. The sunset strip comedy club in Austin, Texas. Texas is now open.

[Colin Sledge]

Check out red band's secret show every Thursday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.