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Tony Hinchcliffe
Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs or whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, y'all. The number one live podcast in the world is going back out on the road again. Our first time since Madison Square Garden of last year. Truly traveling. As you probably know, Night two of Nashville, sold out. But you can still get tickets for night one, April 4th. There is also the London O2 Arena. Massive, massive arena. It's our only show in Europe that is. June 7th. I'm doing standup comedy in some arenas like the Mavericks center just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. April 18, Reno, Nevada. The Grand Theater, the Honda center in Anaheim, California. I can't believe I get to go all the way back to the west coast to do standup in a legendary arena like that in Anaheim. May 9th. Resorts World in Las Vegas. May 10th. Announcing this week, Connecticut, the Mohegan Sun. I'm doing standup on July 11th, Edmonton, Canada. July 18th, Vancouver. September 14th. And if you're a wrestling fan, I will be hosting the roast of WrestleMania Sunday night four, 20 after night two of WrestleMania right there in Vegas. Huge guests, huge surprises. Make sure you check out the Sunset Strip comedy club on 6th Street. And of course, the Comedy Mothership shows will be going on sale soon for another big Monday release. We love you. God bless America. Enjoy the show. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Killtown. Give it up for Tony. It's Clown. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh? Yippee. Make some noise for Brian Redburn, everybody. And one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Live in the Flesh. Fernando Castillo. Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa. Michael Gonzalez. Nachos Belgrande. Si, senor. That's Big Mike on the drums. Huge. It's a little bit bigger. Every single week. He's growing like a Chia pet. Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, John Dees on the keys. And this is indeed Live in the Flesh. D Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, my God. How exciting is this? We have a hell of an episode ahead of us. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. This episode is brought to you by the Nissan Armada Pro 4X. With a twin turbo V6 engine, ready to propel your adventures. Up to 8500 pounds of towing capacity to haul all your favorite toys and space for eight passengers. Nissan's most powerful car yet will chew up and spit out anything you throw at it. Learn more about the all new 2025 Nissan Armada at nissanusa.com Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's manual for additional information. Always secure cargo Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone Paying Big Wireless Way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com this message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, saving, save, spend wisely and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk free@greenlight.com Spotify. You guys ready to start the show or what? This is Kill Tony brought to you by Zip, recruiter and Shopify. I'm so excited about tonight's guests. This is actually a repeat of two guests that have been on together before. One of them has the newest special on Amazon called Anonymous. We love him. One of our New York brethren. The other is literally perhaps easily known as the greatest guest in Kill Tony history. Former guest of the year, reigning hall of famer. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Adam Ray and Rich Boss. Oh my God. Adam Ray. They're on their fucking feet. They are on their feet. The best fans in the world. You know you love them. Oh my God. Sit down. Sit your fucking asses down. Rich Boss has the newest special on Amazon. It's called Anonymous. Welcome Rich. Thank you for having me. And I'm glad because I requested Adam. Yeah, yeah. And thank you for coming, Adam. Yeah. I'm telling you, this is great. Thank you. Good to be back. I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, the man, the myth, the legend. A lot of people mention his name when they're on this show. Where do I even begin? The great Tony caruso's favorite comedian. Dr. Phil's favorite comedian. Jeremy's favorite comedian. Dumb girl. What's her. What's her name? Why am I Elaine? Elaine's favorite comedian. A lot of people remember her. You tried to me in costume that night. Yeah. Remember that red band gets enough vodka red bulls in him, he just goes for what he sees. Happy to be back. I love this show, dude. Good to see you guys. And we love. And my wife who loves the show is seeing it live for the first time tonight. Give it up for her. She's here. Very best. We love her. Not gay. And my wife is home. Somebody else keep it going. For rich boss, that's a big deal. He let somebody step in. And I will not wait another moment before saying that. Adam Ray just launched a 40 city plus comedy tour. Adam Ray, comedy.com. the man is thriving. Me, we got one of his phil going. Dr. Phil is on tour. You can get those tickets at adam ray, comedy.com. all of these shows are unbelievable. Adam and I were door guys together at the comedy store. Yeah. 17 and a half years ago. Just me. What were you saying? I was going over auditions that I wasn't gonna book. He was like, tony, I got two lines as the waiter. Does this sound good? Your food, sir. Antonio's like, you're not gonna get it. You should quit and move to Austin. We sucked. We sucked. But God damn it, we kept working and non stop every single night, having fun, cracking each other up. And we believed in Joe Rogan. That's right. Thank God for him. That is correct. That's all it takes. A work ethic, a hope, a dream, and Joe Rogan. And I'm still a doorman. Yeah. Hey, hey. It's fine. 282 comedians signed up for the opportunity to be in this bucket. Absolutely anything can happen. We're gonna let this young librarian pull the first name here in the front row. Congratulations. Here it is. We're going to go wrangle that first comedian that is out of the bucket. But while that happens, and just a reminder, if you don't know they get 60 seconds, you know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten and they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry west Hollywood Bear. And then I interview them and we find out more about them. These people out of the bucket have no idea that they're going on stage until just minutes before. But I do have a few regulars and special treats on tonight's lineup. And we will start this one with a bang. It is as big of a bang as it gets. Ladies and gentlemen, starting tonight's show, your first minute is indeed another Kil Tony hall of famer. He is indeed the record holder for all time appearances on this show. Some people call him the Vanilla Gorilla. Some the Memphis Strangler. Some people call him the Big Red Machine. This is William Montgomery. There's a new sexual identity that's becoming very popular. It's called self partnered. But it's weird because when I was growing up, they just called that jacking off. I'm over here twerking my ass off and y'all can't even make it rain. That is the disgruntled undercover cop in an all black club. This next one is a gastroenterologist about to retire, but he finds out he has one last colonoscopy to perform. Man, I'm getting too old for this shit. Okay, I was going for Danny Glover Lethal Weapon on that one. Fuck. An Air India flight had to turn around and go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin. And people were surprised by that. Okay, that's my time. Thank you. Booyah. Another minute from William Montgomery. Sounds low. What just happened there? Are you guys fucking with knobs? Like in between things? Sound guys, we good? I mean, seriously. He's with the knobs. I don't know why you would turn me down. And then you have to. I'm going up first and I don't. With the knobs. Keep me up. Keep me up. You guys are. I got to take your chair right now. Dumbass, you're trying to do too much. Keep my volume up. Tony, call me in early tonight. Keep it up. They'll yell at them some more. William. Yeah, I mean, seriously, don't fuck it up. This is a big thing. Your wife is watching for the first time. Don't fuck this up. Can you do it once as Danny Glover? What y'all doing with the sound back there? So good. Wait, for a second there, I closed my eyes and I thought Danny Glover was here. That was absolutely incredible. I had no idea you were a master of impressions. What other impressions can you do? Oh, what do you mean? Tony? Yikes. Leave it in. Yoni Filipino. Oh, hello. Do you want some French fries? French fried rice. French fried rice, Yes. A very popular treat in Filipino culture. What else do you got? That's still Danny Glover, by the way. Yeah, Tony. Okay. Yeah. Who was that? I was going for like Antonio Banderas or something. Oh, yeah. Tony. Where's my horse, man? That is. That wasn't as good. That's a. Can you do an impression of a guy that uses hair conditioner? What the is that supposed to mean, right? Oh, because I don't have air. If that thing was any drier, it'd be my wife's. I love how you roasted you, him, and your wife at the same time. She's on here. That's a triple threat. That is absolutely incredible. That's like a French fried rice or something like that. William, how's this week treating you? It's wonderful. I'm up to 80,000 meters on the row machine, Tony. I am not stopping. I'm doing it every day. I'm doing 10,000 meters a day. Nobody's gonna stop me doing this, Tony. Wow. I'm feeling as strong as ever. I went to the fucking doctor last week. My. My blood pressure was okay. Those a giant concern for me. I thought my blood pressure would be horrible, but it was okay. What was it at? I think it was 1:50 over 1:40 or something. Is that. What is it? Is that good? That's good. Great. They told me that's some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard. Yeah, that is incredible. 150 over 140. Absolutely amazing. Wait, hold on. So your wife's is really that dry? I don't know. I haven't seen it in two years. What is the self partnered thing that you mentioned? I've never heard of that before. Self partnered. It was again, it was a lot of what I was doing. I think in high school. It's when you basically choose to just love on yourself. You don't need any fucking. You don't need any woman in your life. You don't need any man in your life. You just work on yourself. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Do you have a girlfriend? I do have a girlfriend, but I'm also self partnering. Really? So I'm working on myself and I'm also in a good relationship. So it's. I'm doing two things right now. Wow. It's like a partnering and I have a relationship. Like a threesome. Yeah. Self partnering and a girlfriend. I know because I'm working on myself right now. And I'm also in a good relationship, so it's. Yeah, it's like I'm doing two different things. Right. You ever role play in the bedroom? You ever do a little Danny Glover in there? Little Danny lover Bitch. Get your ass on the bed. Now. That's stupid. Does. Does she ever think she's having sex with a scallop with all just because of how I look. No pigment. Yeah, yeah. Hey. They fucking laughed. Please help me. Tony. Trying to be me. You're doing great, William. You're an international rock star. Everyone loves you. You've been rowing a lot. Been rowing. What do you listen to when you row? America. America's first album. The album with Horse with no name on it. The album's about 45 minutes long and I wrote for about 42 minutes. Right. All the songs. Yeah. It's been America this past week. What do you do with the other three minutes that's remaining in the music? Is that what you listen to? That? I get off of the row machine and I curl up in a ball on the ground thinking I'm fucking dying. So I don't really listen to the last. Right. Three minutes of it. Very good. Incredible. Red Band has been looking for a physical outlet. He needs to exercise. Would you be able to train him to row? I would love to, if you would be willing. Red Band. Seriously? I try to talk to him about this all the time, about getting better, but it's like you refuse to. I think you've gotten too used to being sedentary at your places where you live. I think you've gotten way too used to that. You're very still. Let the record show I was picking bugs off of you before the show because Bugs thought that you were a rock. 50 guys. Wow. How old are you, William, at 38. Wow. You are something else. Yeah. You don't look a. You don't look older or younger. You literally look like you fought in the Confederate Army. It's absolutely incredible. He does. He looks like a time in life. Civil War chess set piece. Yeah. General Montgomery believe you look like the first guy that claimed he saw Bigfoot. That is true. I like that one. That's a compliment. Wait, what do kids. How old do kids think you are when they meet you? Have you met kids? This is a weird question. I tell people I'm 29 when I meet them. I tell everybody I'm 29. Yeah. What do they say? Let me see your ID. Yeah, yeah. A lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think people believe me. Have you been. You've been around kids? Like nieces and nephews or. Yeah, I have Two little nieces. You strike me as someone that would be good with kids. And I mean that. Yeah, because you're silly, right? Yeah. Oh, I love my sweet little nieces. You ever go to the playground and just, like, stand there and stare at kids? No, just to be funny. Because, like, you have a look. I can't. You have a look in which that would kind of be hilarious. It would be funny if you did that and, like, had, like, a prank show and videotaped the parents around that are, like, watching you watching the kids and, like. I don't know. I'll think about it. This. There you go. We have a pitch set up with Tubi, so we'd love to include that. Yeah. Yep. Deals are in place with Tubi. William, we love you. I got to tell you, you look better than ever. You look healthier than ever. The row machine is doing you good. Thank you, Tony. How about your first comedian of the night, William Montgomery, huh? That's as big of a deal as it gets. To start the show. And now we switch over to the bucket. We're going to meet this person alog together. Absolutely. Anything can happen. Every regular, every golden ticket winner, they were all found out of this very bucket with a little undertaker watching. Anything can happen. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Cameron Frisk. Cameron Frisk. Thank you, sir. Fuck yeah. I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of divorce, people getting remarried, acting like I should give a fuck again. You need to come to the rehearsal. You gotta come to the rehearsal, bitch. It's your third wedding. The fuck are we rehearsing? You've walked down the aisle to living on a prayer three times. Different groom, same finger. Figure it the fuck out. But, Cameron, I know it's important. You gotta fit it in your schedule. You gotta fit it into your schedule. How about you fit into your first wedding dress and I'll fit it into my schedule? Yeah, all those wedding cakes are adding up, Mom. You fat bitch. Yeah, my mom loves that joke. Yeah, my mom's always wanted one thing, too. It's just for one of her children to be successful, which is always hurt. Because I'm an only child. I was like, all right, let me spitball you this idea. How about you have another kid and give this one to a mom that won't fuck it up? How about that? I'm Cameron motherfucking Frisk. Thank you, guys. Cameron Frisk. A rare episode where we have two confederate soldiers back to back. Absolutely incredible. The south has risen again. Do you Know a lot of divorced people that are getting remarried. Yeah. I literally went to this girl's third wedding. It's insane. White trash people love just fucking. I don't know, destroying vows with people, it's crazy. That's so wild. I've never heard of such a thing. Rich, very funny. But as a Jew, when you came out like this, a little offensive, I apologize hard. You guys are so sensitive here, people. Such a. You can't put your hands in the air a certain way around us anymore. Yeah. You better be autistic, man. Yeah. What. How long have you been doing stand up? A year and eight months. Let's go. Where are you from? I'm from Ojai, California. Oh, what. What's your fallback plan? Fall by pan? Go back to doing construction like, already? Keep doing this, man. A year and eight months is nothing. You just keep doing it. And let me tell you something, you do it. Where have you been doing the year and eight months? Mostly in Ojai. No, there's no stand up in Ohio, so I was going to, like, Ventura and then driving to LA a bunch when I was. Were you born and raised in Ojai? Yeah, it's a. They say it's a natural energy vortex. Do you feel that? Absolutely not. That's some hippie woo. But you wouldn't even know that because you were born and raised there, right? Yeah. Do you feel a little bit slumpy and slouchy when you're in other places now you just go to Sedona and I feel better now. Not at all. I feel like you're kind of white trash, though, right? Because, you know, people that are getting remarried. One could say that you are. You drink pbr? Yeah, I drink a. Yeah, PBR vibes from you. Certain people. I can just chewing tobacco people are all the good stuff, right? Absolutely. And what do you do for work? Well, now I'm a barista because I quit construction and when I moved here. What? The toughest job in the world. Fucking. This is what the baristas and California look like now. Holy trans lesbian women. Yes. Wow. Do you work with a lot of lgbtq? No, a lot of lesbians. But you've been there? There. There's hot women that work there. Wait, I've been to the coffee shop in Ojai? No, to the one in Austin where I work now, Prana. Oh, okay. You work here? Yeah, I work. I know I do. I was a house painter for like 14 years, then moved here. Literally couldn't get a job doing anything. No. There's jobs everywhere. Couldn't get hired and then that place was the only place that hired me, so. And. But your work background is. What are you good at? Construction. I guess. You were looking for a construction job in this city and you settled for barista? Yeah. Are you. Have you. Have you looked outside at all? I did literally Cranes and applied. It's great. I applied. Literally the fastest growing city, I think, in the country right now. I know. I guess. Did you try? I did try. I've lied to like 300 jobs. It's crazy. What's the dream job? Did. Dream job. Well, obviously this. But I don't know, probably owning a. A contracting business to build. If this doesn't work, you should. You should just start that from scratch. You should do that and you should hire people using zip recruiter and the promo code. Ken, I use zip recruiter. They didn't. It didn't work for me. Do you mean. Really? You mean it worked for you too much? Yeah, it did. Yeah. I had too many offers. That was the problem. Do you mean any hot girls making coffee? There's so many hot girls. Town is full of hot ones. Do you close any deals? No. No. I've brought my girlfriend here. I brought sand to the beach. I mean, what the fuck is wrong? I don't know. What does your girlfriend do for a living? She works in tech, so she's crushing it. Wow. She works in construction tech? Yeah. AI company. She sells it. I build it. Yeah. Okay. You think she's going to hold on to you? I hope so. How long have you lived in Austin? Six months. Six months. How long have you been with her? About three years. Three years. How do you keep things interesting? How do you stay loyal and happy with one woman for three years? Just curious to know. Yeah, well, don't cheat on her. That'll. That'll do it. Don't get married to her. Quite. I'm not asking you what not to do. I'm asking you what you do to keep things exciting. To keep things exciting. I don't know. She's. She's a badass. She's fun. I don't know. It's. That's. If you made more money than her, what would your answer be? We'd be on a boat. We'd. Yeah, we'd be doing funner things, I think. What do you do for fun? What do I do for fun? I skate. What kind of. What kind of skating? Roller skating? No, it's not good. Tony, we're skateboarding. You can. You can roller Skate and not be gay. No. Yes. Yes, you can. Where? Yes, you can. Yeah, you can. Backwards. You can go backwards, Tony. Go backwards all the time. Yeah, because you gotta. Yep, I do. I roller 69 on wheels. Yeah. I roll to watch your back if you are. I roller skate backwards on construction sites. Yes. That'll land your job. And all. All that I wear is a hard hat. That. And a vest, of course. Because safety first. Yeah. But God damn it, if one more hammer gets shoved up my ass. All right. Oh, I gotta learn how to roller skate. All right. You ever up somebody's name on the coffee cup and they freak out? No, we don't even. We don't even write their names. Do you work the overnight shift? No. Oh, that's a different place. That's okay. I. That one up. No, no, that's a different place. Now, when you're making coffee and construction guys come in, do you get kind of jealous? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. You like to see what your life could have been? Yeah. Movie Family man with Nicholas Cage. It's nice. My body doesn't hurt after the other day, but it is weird. Like now everything's about sustenance because at first, like, sustenance and fruit was gay when you're on the construction site. So it is weird being in, like, a pink apron. Being, like, selling coffee now. And I'm like, you know how to paint walls inside of a house? Yeah, of course. Well, good news. Red Band is going to book you. They hire you to paint some walls. I would love. There you go. There you go. Wow, there's a little joke book. Thank you, sir. Sign up again sometime. There goes Cameron Frisk, ladies and gentlemen. And like that, the show has begun. And I'm gonna buy a car coffee from me tomorrow. Play that game, Red Band. Local hero Adam Ray contributing to the economy. No hotels tonight. Yes. 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But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. And I'm gonna bang his girlfriend. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Charlie Ch. Here we go. Charlie G. Out of the bucket. What's up, y'all? If I kill myself and find out reincarnation's real, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. You know, I don't know if you guys, I don't know if you guys can tell, but I live in a van, right? And ever since I started living in a van, I came out as a hobosexual, right? Meaning that I sleep with women for their bed, right? I'm always on Tinder trying to find a place to stay. And they always say the same thing, right? They're always like, you just want to fuck me and leave. Right. And I always have to go. Oh, I'm for sure staying. You know, my kink is shower sex. It is pretty, like, sketchy. Dating women, like, while living in a van. Right. Like, they never want to come back to it until they find out I have a cat. Right. And that just flips the script, right? It goes straight to like, let's go to your van. I want to meet your cat. Right. I guess they figure if. Is there more to that? Yeah, I just. You want to finish it? I guess they figure if I haven't killed the cat yet. No. Okay. That's it. Yeah. Charlie G, ladies and gentlemen. You really live in a van? Yeah. Yeah. You're the first comedian tonight that looks like they don't live in a van. Yeah, I do. It's incredible. You have a good. You have a good. You clean up your act. You're out there looking professional. You look like you sold the van to the guy and you're like, I swear I didn't come in this thing. Right, Right. I used to do real estate in New York. And then. Incredible. You live in a van. It looks like you live in a hearse. Yeah, no, I'm not Dylan. Dylan's Lauder. When three people show up and they only have a table for two, how do you handle it? Okay. He looked like a major D. It didn't work. Already six for six. Rich, Rich, relax. Just take a breath. When. When it doesn't work, you don't have to tell, you don't have to say it didn't work because they definitely know it didn't work. Like a guy that's out at third base, the umpire's like, you're out and you go to the crowd. I'm out, everybody. I did not make it to third base. I was. Was out. Okay, let's get back to Charlie here. What's up, old Charlie boy? How old are you? How old AM I? I'm 32. 32 years old. How long have you lived in the van? I started full time about November. What a part time van Liver. Yeah. Well, I lived in an apartment and like the van for a minute. Yeah. For like a year. And then explain Matt Muling, who never talks. It was right with me. I literally. He had to say it because we're all thinking it. How does that work? Why would you live in an apartment and a van part time? Well, I have the apartment and then like, if I wanted to travel for the weekend, like, or for like, A week. Like, I had, like, no hotel to worry about. I can go anywhere. I lived in, like, New York City at the time, so, like, what? Jersey City. But. So I would just go. Huge fucking difference. No, that might be the biggest difference ever. It's. I mean, whatever. That is absolutely unbelievable, the jump that just happened there. I live in an event. Sorry, the sidewalk. But it's pretty much the same thing. I mean, now with your van, do you have a fake cast and a couch? No, not at all. It's not that big. Thank you. Wait. That's fucking one of the best jokes. You'll. What the fuck? What the hell happened here? No, no, no. You know what I might want you to say when the joke jokes don't work after all, because that. You don't get that joke. No. What's it from? The serial killer that was. Had a fake cast and a couch, and he had a van, and he would go to colleges and go, hey, can you help me get the couch on the van? What year was this? Science of the Lamps, right? No, I was. It said something. What? Who? Ted Bundy. Right? That's what you're talking about. The serial killer from the 70s who thinks O.J. did it. Okay. All right, let's get back to Charlie G. So this guy isn't my favorite. Rich Voss is out here. Just gotta throw darts, man. Ted Bundy. What a Ted Bundy. I mean, how far back are you gonna go with your references? When I was 30, a lot of people don't know Julius Caesar lived in a van at one point. Okay, there he is. Charlie G. Tell us more about your life. Yeah, I did, like, real estate for, like, most, like, everything out of college, and then I hated it. And I lived in a van for all of last year. Started comedy last year. You love it? Yeah, it's great. Like a sprinter van. Like a van. It's a 2006 Sprinter, so it's not a nice sprinter, you know? There you go. Good question. The exact van is an important thing. Lord knows the difference between a sprinter and an Econo van. Huge difference. We want to know exactly whether it's a sliding door or get in through the back door. Not sliding door, but there's solar panels, like a stove. Wow. Solar panels. I mean, it's comfortable. I got a bed. Okay. Yeah, you got a bed? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. In 20, 25. How do you. See, you don't have a girl, right? But you brought people back to the van. Yeah. Yeah. How does it. Do you have any trepidations when you're trying to elicit a, you know, friend to come back. Like, what's the opening line? I guess. I mean, in Austin, I just go back to their place. Like, that hobosexual is like, actually my life. What if their place like, my roommate's home. And like, it'd actually really be better if we went to your place. Like, what's your. What do you do? It's not my place. You're like, I'll give you a ride to my place. Yeah. And. And if you pick up a homelessness girl, you could drop her off anywhere. Oh, my God. Rich. Rich. What? What? What is going on over here? I made fun of you for doing old jokes. Then you just did the oldest joke ever. But I wrote it. That was amazing. Charlie, tell us the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in your life. Life. Oh, man. Like kindergarten. I myself like kindergarten. Yeah. Okay, how about, like, as an adult. Let's talk about now. I mean, I know there's some. I mean, when it was four, I couldn't tie my shoes in front of my mom. Yeah, well, like an adult embarrassing story. Yeah. Okay. We all ourselves in kindergarten did that. You're right. You're right. One time. Rich, Rich. Say it. Say it. Tony, go ahead. Rich himself in kindergarten. And diapers weren't invented yet, so. And I was 12. How about as an adult? As an adult, like, one time in college, I myself. Wow, this guy just shits himself. Yeah. How many of you think I should make him himself right now on this stage? Look right at that. No way. You see that red dot back there? We're looking right. You see a little red dot, right? I want you to stare right at her and then just. We're losing D Madness. He can't. When you're blind, the smell of. No, you're right. All right, Charlie, Fun times. Congratulations. I really loved the kill myself. Kill myself joke. That's a really, really, really good joke, you know? Yeah. Appreciate that. There you go. Here's also came out with confidence. That's always. Oh, no, thank you. It's your first time on the show, right? Yeah, first time on the show. Came out, you had a game plan. That always matters, so good job. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate it. Yep, Good stuff. There he goes. Charlie G. Hobo. Sexual, kind of like, you know, he's better than that. But the kill myself reincarnated, kill yourself spunny. All right, we having fun out there. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pole goes by the name. Oh, my God. I know what that noise is. The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Look at that. The crowd goes wild. She barely does anything at all. It's unbelievable. She just lifted up the mic stand and sat it back down. Crowd goes nuts. She doesn't need to. You gotta love it. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Daniel Velasquez, everyone. Daniel Velasquez. Hey. I started standup a few years ago after my mom passed away, and the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money was an orange pool table. Pretty cool purchase. But that was the first time I realized a smart parent died. And I guess. I guess there were some signs that my dad was, like, a dumb guy. I didn't realize kind of how out of touch he was until he started dating again. I got him his first iPhone and he got on one of those old person dating apps, I think it was called, like, Our Time or Time's up or something. And he immediately started getting spammed by bots. And I had to tell him, like, hey, dad, those are like, bots. Those are fake accounts. They don't engage with those. But he was, like, so foreign to the concept of bots. He was like, yeah, I don't care. They look hot. I'm gonna fuck the bots. Thank you, guys. It's my time. Exactly 59 and a half seconds from Daniel Velasquez. A very funny set. Welcome back, Daniel. You've been on this show before. Yes, sir. How are you? Good to see you. Yes, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. Everyone's good. You've been on this show before. You were funny last time. You're funny this time. Remind us what we did in the interview portion last time. You made fun about me. You made fun of me for being crippled, so. Oh, well, there we go. Perfect. Welcome back. These people, they sign up, they come back for more. They can't get. I will say that is the reason why I didn't do any disabled jokes this time. You know what? Now that I am looking at you and hear you, I see you are indeed very disabled. But your jokes are amazing. Thank you. You have the ability to make people laugh with. Thank you. I really appreciate it. You always have. Have. Okay, I didn't know. You see, I didn't know you were a cripple. I thought you were. Well, you're old, so I wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. I knew your eyes are going there, Rich. They are. I'm just kidding. Oh, no, you were funny as. Appreciate you, boss. You were funny. You literally. I know you haven't been here very long, but you've literally, in 59 seconds, said eight more funny things than Rich boss has tonight. It's incredible. I was killing up to the last guy. Jesus. Fuck. I'll sit here like this. Fuck. It's incredible. Daniel, you're so awesome. You are built for this. What exactly is your disability? Cerebral Palsy. I love it. Okay. Indeed, I love it. I am a big supporter of the cerebral palsy people. Perfect. You'll get a spot at the secret show, no doubt. He didn't give it to me last time, so I wouldn't expect it this time. Redman didn't light you up at the fucking secret show. Is that true, Red Band? I see a lot of people don't know this. A little fun fact. Behind the scenes, I'm the good guy and Red band's the bad guy. No, I'm kidding. Why didn't you give him a spot last? I don't remember last time. I think you're probably funnier this time because he didn't rely on your cripple jokes and stuff. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Why would he talk? Thanks for coming out, everybody. That was headlined Red Band on threads. Wow. I remember you being very funny last time. How long you been on stand up? This will be. It'll be four years in October. Four years in October. And do you have a. You what? Do you. You do you have a job making right turns? I work at Chick Fil A. You work at Chick Fil A? Holy. Let's go. I love it. The one here on six Street? No, in Kyle, Texas. Just sh. South of here. Yeah. Okay. Too old to work there, man. I got to quit, dude. I'm too old to work there. You're too old. Say my pleasure at 29. Dude, you can't do that, dude, it's. That is amazing. What's the Chick Fil A uniform, red polo work slacks, lack of self respect, you know. So he's asking about his outfit, and then you hit the chicken button. He goes, why would there be a chicken? Okay. How often do you eat Chick Fil A? Every day. That's my one free meal a day. Dude. What do you. I'm a broke comic. What the. Dude. Absolutely incredible. How about. What's the longest amount of time you've done? Like, I have, like, 20 minutes. I like. Yeah. That's cool. You make a good gardening gnome. I'm back. Please make that T shirt your face on the front. So fun. Daniel, what's something we should know about you that we didn't learn about you last time you were on the show. I kind of alluded to it, but my mom passed away a few years ago, and that's why I started stand up. Okay. How did your mom pass away? Yeah, my mom died from COVID Which I got. Which everybody was, like, really surprised because you had like, a 2% chance of dying from that if you got it. But it's always surprising. Even. Even less than that. Yeah, even less than that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's always surprising if you didn't know the percentage of being born with cerebral palsy. So that didn't really surprise me that much that she passed away. She hit the double. Yeah. Double whammy. Unlucky. That's why I kind of started standing up, because it was like, things can't get much worse. Might as well swing for the fucking fences, dude. Absolutely. Absolutely. Question. Absolutely. Were you. Were you working at chick fil A before she passed? No. No, I was not. I was. I talked about this last time I was in the Paralympics, before this. So I was kind of busy doing that. What was your sport in the Paralympics? I was hacky sack. Yeah. What are we talking about? Your joke book. Okay. What was your sport in the paralympics? No, I was. I was a sprinter. I was a Paralympic sprinter. You were a sprinter? They got sprinters in the Paralympics? Uh huh. You'd be surprised. Holy, dude. What are you. I want to see you and Rich Voss in a foot race so badly right now. I would. I'm not gonna do it, but I would dust him in the alley right behind you, 100%. I can just picture Rich trying his best. His hat flies off. Daniel beats him, turns to the camera and goes, I'm back. That would be the most handicapped race of all time. Absolutely incredible. He said he would dust me in the alley. That's. Well, it doesn't take much. You got threatened by a chick fil A cashier that would dust you in the alley. It's. It's been a rough episode for Rich so far. This is the most fun I've had. The sad thing is, in two years, I'll be opening for him. Hey, Daniel, speaking of opening, I've got a Dr. Phil live at Bass Concert hall on April 19th. You want to open the show? Yes, sir. Let's go, man. Let's go. Yeah. Hey. April 19th, Bass Concert hall, man. Huh? Yes, sir. Wow. But you got. You got to quit your job and kill Rich V. No. Be my honor to kill a legend like this man. TF9. Rich Voss. Guys, let him hear Rich Voss, dude. Giving it up. Giving the flowers. April 19th. Yes, sir, absolutely. Thank you so much. On Instagram, I got you a huge venue. Very exciting. Easy way. All you have to do is tap it in here. Red band. The ball is right next to the cup. Do you know how to paint? No. Where's your sound? Where's that sound? Give me that sets. Hello. Good. Good job, red man. Not a straight line, Red man. I'd love to have you, obviously, on the secret show Thursday. Yes, sir, I would love to. I would love to. You already have a big choke book, right? You already got one of these, right? Yes, sir, I got one already. Perfect. Perfect. I don't want to throw things at you. Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen, with a free power stunt. Thank you, guys. I don't know what he said. I'm hoping he didn't say Free Palestine. I'm just going to pretend like that didn't happen. The boy's got some weird politics. Everyone got a. Yeah. He's gonna be great. All right. I mean, an amazing performance. How about one more time for Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. And here's the scariest part. By the time companies tell you your data was stolen, it's already been nearly a year. 277 days. 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And with over 20 million pairs sold and thousands of five star reviews, guys everywhere love their Tommy John. Plus you're fully covered with Tommy John's best pair you'll ever wear or it's free guaranteed. Grab 25% off your first order now at tommyjohn.com Spotify Save 25% at tommyjohn.com Spotify See Cypher details. Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, is the brand newest golden ticket winner here on this show. This is indeed, indeed, in fact his first time ever cashing in on his golden ticket. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Colin Sledge, everyone. Now watch them all together here. Colin Sledge. Thank you. I got fired from Chick Fil A. Apparently ladies didn't like the way it was saying, my pleasure. You know, I've never been able to coast on the way I look. You know, I was never that hot. But I'm interesting. You know, I can make girls think. I make girls think stuff like, hey, is that guy following me? One time this girl getting into my car for a date she agreed to. First thing she said was, just so you know, I have pepper spray in my purse. It's like just so you know, you shouldn't tell me where it is. That is exactly a minute. Call in. Sledge has arrived, everyone. His first cash in of his golden tickets. So technically his second minute ever on the show. That was absolutely fantastic. Thank you. I love your delivery. It's very, very dry. It's unlike anything that we've had as far as regulars and golden ticket winners go. It is incredible. It's almost Jazzleneck esque, but you make Fun of yourself. And you do more than one punchline every three and a half minutes. So it's a total different vibe. It's absolutely incredible. Thank you. You acknowledge that you're human and. And you make fun of yourself sometimes and real things, not just made up characters, and I love that. Colin, how's life been going for you? It's been pretty fun the last few weeks, I bet. Yeah. Your life has officially changed. Tell us more about that Colin, you fucking creep. Well, so actually, literally the first. The night I got the golden ticket. Thanks. By the way, we almost got arrested going back to Houston, so I'm pretty sure the golden ticket got my friends out of jail, so they should also thank you. Really. Is that true? What do you mean? Well, we got pulled over and. How many comedians are in this car? Two. Two. One I can name one will remain nameless, but they. You don't have to name any of them. The question was, how many people were in the car? Okay, two. Two other people in the car. Not your other personalities or anything? No, they were real. They're real. Two real humans with hearts and lungs and brains. Yes. And they. They both had. Are you driving? I was driving, yes. Okay. What kind of car are you driving? Just so we could finish painting the paint. A Mazda CX5. Oh, that's exactly what I thought. Okay, so you're driving to Houston and what happens? We get pulled over in Elgin and. Oh, that's like a real Texas cop, right? Yeah, Texas Highway Patrol right there. Oh, my God. He was a big fan of you, actually, so that might have helped. Are you serious? You dropped the name of the show that you were on and everything. It wasn't me. It was one of the other comics. But yes, she did drop. Wow, Smart. We did that once with Rogan in Columbus, Ohio, many years ago. Six or seven years ago. And by the way, Ohio State Highway Patrol famously, famously, famously, never gives warnings, never lets you off. If you go fucking five, six miles an hour over the speed limit in Ohio and you're pulled over by an Ohio state trooper, you get a fucking ticket. And was. It was you, right? Yeah, you fucking nailed it. Because I'm like, yeah, we're just working. We're doing a podcast. And what'd you say? You're like, I don't remember. I think I was like, yeah, we're. I'm on JRE every now. You nailed. No, you nailed the line. You're literally like, yeah, you know, I work with Joe Rogan sometimes. We're in the comedy business. And he's like Joe Rogan. Okay, go ahead. Well, she wanted our IDs, and one of my friends lost her driver's license because she's sort of a mess, and. Oh, we got a warning, by the way. I didn't finish the story. Go ahead. She. Thank you for clarifying. Okay. She didn't have her driver's license, but she had her passport. And so she gave the cop her passport, and she said when they took the passport to the cop car, she said, I think there might be weed in the passport. Hell, yeah. And I was like, what percent chance do you think? And she was like, a hundred percent. Was it in, like, a baggie? No, it was just in the pages. Jesus Christ. Pockets? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, Look, I. I thought you were really funny. Hold on, Rich, we're in the middle of a thing here. Go. Go ahead. Give your analysis and then we'll. We'll just edit it out. No, cuz I thought he's. Listen, I'm doing a firehouse in Allentown, and if you want to open, I could have. Okay. All right. Very good. All right. Okay, so back to the story. She says there might be weed in the passport. And. And he's in, like, the cop car at this point. It was a lady. It was a Latina lady cop that took the passport. Yeah. Think we all watch this. Let's go kill Tony Nachos, Belgrande fans. That's what. That's what's up. She was not just the Mexican dudes that get horny. No, she was not the fan. Oh, she wasn't a fan? No, it was another guy. Oh, okay. Wow. It was a white guy. All right, well, all right. Sorry about that. All right. Almost had her. But, yeah, she. Well, I was in a good mood because obviously. And so I thought, she's probably not even gonna notice. And then she came back and she was like. We noticed just the weed and the pages of the passport. And this is incredible. And again, this is a Texas state trooper. I don't know. I didn't pay attention. Okay, there's some cop. Okay. Yeah, it may not even have been a cop at all. You may have gotten pulled over by an illegal immigrant wearing a badge. And you stoners with weed in your passports are like, I'm so sorry. Other cops pulled up. That's when I thought they were going to jail. Not me, though, because I was. I had a legal Delta 8 Gummy. They had weed. That was. Okay, so then what happened? They searched. They frisked all of us, and Sat us on the curb in the cold. And then they searched my car and they found some more of her weed, maybe. And then the other passenger, they found more weed, a fair amount of weed and a scale and little baggies. Oh, my God. So now it's an illegal drug dealing operation. Well, I think the scale I'm gonna go with. He has an eating disorder. Okay, that's hilarious. And then, by the way, I would love to see you on Family Feud. I'm gonna go with. This guy's got an eating dis. By the way, what's on your pants? Did you paint red man's house? What is that? That? I, I, I, I spilled bleach. Okay? Don't bully me. Okay, so let's go back to the story that we're in the middle of. And then what happened? They set us on the curve frist us. And then they found the scale. More wheat. And then what happened? And then they made her pour out all the weed from her passport and, like, step on it. And then how much weed did she have in a passport? It wasn't shake. It was real weed. Like, it was nugs of weed. She, it was like, it was like, folded in the pages. I don't know how much it was. I didn't, I didn't ask. Absolute insanity. By the way. I have carried a lot of weed on me, and I have a passport. I understand the dynamics of a physical passport. She's. It's a. Like, roll joints or something. She, like, pours it from the. So literally the most thing to roll joints on or with in the world, like cutting coke with your license. She's a. Well, that would actually be better than rolling weed on a passport because it could come off a license. It's plastic. The paper would retain it, and the THC crystals would be all over it. Yeah, you could at least rinse off a fucking license. Yeah, she, she's sort of my number one advisor in comedy. Okay, so then what happened? Then they, they asked him, like, why do you have the scale and the, and the baggies? And I think he just didn't answer, which is probably good. And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go. I did. I think it was because we were talking about, like, why, where are you coming from? And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after kill Tony. And he was like, you know, the white guy cops like to get on. And then my friend was like, yeah, you got a golden ticket. And he was like, well, congrats he was really nice. Wow. Yeah, that definitely worked. That's. That's what it was. He's like, cool. You want to shoot this guy for no reason? I. Yeah, I'm a big fan of kt. I thought about being like, you can have the joke book if you don't arrest my friends. But I think that would be bribing a police officer, and it may have. You did everything just fine. So nobody got in trouble? No, I got a warning. For what? What was the initial stop for? So my Mazda CX5 has a tail light that's out. No. Well, yes. That's what happens. Y. So, no, the headlights are always on. I can't turn them off. And so when the. When the lights get switched off, somehow I don't notice because the headlights are always on. Absolutely unbelievable. I don't understand a single thing that you just said. I notice when your lights are off. Well, I know the lights are on because they're always. But the tail lights are behind me, and I can't tell if they're not functioning. That is true. So I got a warning for that. They didn't get a warning for copious amounts of weed. I don't know what that's about, but. Incredible. Adam Ray, Love to ask a question. When you smile, it's. It's real warm. But you didn't smile. Well, don't do that. But when you smiled. But when you smile organically, it. Yeah, like that. But you didn't smile at all during your set, really. Right. I couldn't. No. Is that. What's the. What's the choice to go from? I don't really make decisions. I just feel it out, you know? Yeah. So your material is always kind of. You like to. You just. You know, your point of view is to keep it dry and. And. Yeah, that's what I usually do. Yeah. Yeah. It's also when I get nervous, I tend to just shut down completely. It works. I'm not nervous now. For the record. Yeah. Yeah. We're not cops. I'm not a. Yeah. I'm gonna sit down to swan. Colin, you're so different than everybody else. And that we have on our normal roster, we. Welcome to the family. There he goes. His first cash in of his golden ticket. Call in, Sledge. Back to the bucket we go, Ladies and gentlemen. This looks like a fun name. I'm excited about it. Make some noise for Kansei Yasuda. Kansei Yasuda. Here we go. Hey, guys. Hello. I'm a little bit of a shy person. Especially when I'm talking to girls. And reason why is that? Because I'm a nicest person in the world. The other day, I was walking down the street with my homies, and all of a sudden we came across with this fat ass. And all my homies went crazy. They were like, oh, I want to hit that ass. I want to hit that ass. But not me. I was actually seeing a future with that fat ass. I was seeing every sunset and sunrise with that fat ass. I was holding a fat ass child with that fat ass. A little bit about myself. I was born in 1996, so that makes me a reincarnation with Tupac. Tupac say small eyes on me. Thank you. Wow. Kansei Yasuda has arrived to kill Tony. I gotta tell you, man. Man, I like your style. You have such a command of the stage. So fun to listen to and to watch. Thank you, Donnie. You're very welcome. You're welcome. Thank you. I love it. Kansei, how long have you been doing standup? Five years now. Five years? Where at? Get it out of the way, Redb. Where have you done the five years? At Tokyo. Three years, and then two years in Toronto. In Toronto? Yeah. And Tokyo is. Is that where you live now? Yeah, I live right now. Toronto? Yeah. Okay. What made you move to Toronto? Why, of all the places, did you pick there? Because I wanted to go as close to the United States. Yeah. Have you? Yeah. Did you think about going to the United States at all? And they'll send me away when I. Why? Why would they do that? Because I don't have a visa. You don't need a visa to go to Canada? They have, like, a special type of visa for me. What kind of visa is that? It's like a Asian express. So. Yeah, they send a lot of Asian people. Yeah. To Canada and then just let me work there for two years. Wow. I could listen to you talk about anything. This is incredible. This is absolutely amazing. So you're 100% Japanese? Yeah, I'm half Korean, too. Oh, Korean, too. All right. Absolutely incredible. Your mom is South Korean? My mom is Japanese. Yeah. And my dad. And your dad is the Korean. And they met in Japan? Yeah, they met in Japan, but my mom didn't know he was Korean. She thought he was Japanese. Yeah. And drink the Japanese. And then. And then. And then they got married. And then. Surprise. Oh, my. Absolutely unbelievable. A natural freak talent. We're witnessing it live in real time. This is what the show is all about. Absolutely incredible. Thank you very much. I don't even need you to, like, do comedy. You could just, like, read the back of a Cheesecake Factory menu. It is incredible. So are you an only child? Yes. How'd you know? Hi. Because I think you're only allowed to have one E over in Japan, so that's incredible. Okay, relax. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. So amazing. Amazing. And so your mom had you and what do. What do your parents do? They're still in Japan. Yeah, they're still in Japan. They own nail salon. A nail salon? They do that even over there. I thought they just came here to own nail salons. My God, they must. Must be high level nail salon people. That's incredible. Unbelievable. Rich Voss, are there comedy clubs in Japan? I mean, one in Tokyo. In Tokyo? Yeah. Do American comics work there? Yeah, they come around sometimes. Military, right. Rich is looking for a gig. Rick. Rick's like, I'm playing the karaoke bar. He sounds like a romantic. Do you have a girlfriend? I do have a Filipino Japanese girlfriend. Oh, wow. Amazing. Is she in Toronto? Yes, she. I met her in Toronto like two months ago. Amazing. Where did you meet her at? At the ramen shop. At the ramen shop. Absolutely. In. Isn't this the plot of Rush Hour? This is unbelievable. This is everything you're saying. I feel like I've watched in a movie. We are in one of those moments right now where it's just amazing. You are just such a fun interview. This might never end. I might keep you up here all night. This is absolutely amazing. Amazing. So what does she do for work? She works at the ramen shop. She works at the ramen shop. Oh, my God. Absolutely incredible. Your delivery and cadence is so goddamn perfect. Yep. Everything you say, I feel like it's gonna end with you handing a child a katana, you know what I'm saying? Like the way that she works at the ramen, like, it's got so much. It's so soft but powerful. You know what I'm saying? But it's just. Just facts about your life. Have you always been this calm, cool and collected? I think so. It's absolutely incredible. So how do you make money, Khan? I work at the hotel. Oh, what do you do at the hotel? Front desk. Front desk. Wow. And what do you do for fun? What do you. What do you want? Are some hobbies of yours? I eat ra. I eat ramen. At the place your girlfriend works? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What's your favorite ramen? Miso ramen. Wow. Wow. Could be the name of your special too. Yeah, Special Miso ramen. Yeah. Yep. So, K, this is incredible. And you are so funny. What made you come to Austin, Texas? Texas to do comedy and kill Tony. When did you get here? I got here a week ago. Okay. Did you sign up a week ago for the show? Yes. Yes. Okay. And you didn't get up and you've been doing spots around town, just trying to do open mics and stuff? Yeah, I did open mics. Couple open mics. Have you been doing a lot of spots? Yeah, I did one. Just one. Shakespeare, and then I won the Shaker Spirit. How much longer are you in town for? I'll be here until like a week. Okay, one more week. Two more weeks. I don't know. Whatever. Whatever it takes. Absolutely. You're gonna be leaving. What's your girlfriend's name? Miyuki. Oh, that was adorable. Adorable. Miyuki and Kansei Yasuda. Thank you. This is absolutely amazing. Kansei. I love it. Adam Ray. First name again. It's. It's K. Yasuda. Ka. I know I've already done this once, but I'm actually going to be in Toronto May 1st through the 3rd at the Comedy Bar. Do you want to host? We need somebody to host all weekend. Yes. Wow. Wow. Yeah. On. We need to host. I feel like you need. You got 10 minutes? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, 10 minutes. 10 minutes. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Rich. Thank you. Have you ever been to Allentown? Red Band? I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. And I just can't help myself. I feel like I want to interview you forever. We already have too many of them, but God damn it, I'm giving away another one. Kansei Yasuda, you are a golden ticket winner here on Coltoni. Absolutely incredible. Amazing. The Secret show, the golden ticket, Toronto, Canada, and Allentown, Pennsylvania. You did it all, buddy. God bless you. Kansayasuda has arrived. We're gonna see them again soon. Absolutely unbelievable, my friend. That is what it's all about. This is a message from sponsor Intuit. TurboTax Taxes was getting frustrated by your forms. Now Taxes is uploading your forms with a Snap and a TurboTax expert will do your taxes for you. One who's backed by the latest tech which cross checks millions of data points for absolute accuracy. All of which makes it easy for you to get the most money back, guaranteed. Get an expert now@turbotax.com, only available with TurboTax Live full service. Seek guaranteed details@turbotax.com guarantees. It's always a good time to celebrate your Team with designs for every occasion. Starbucks cards are the perfect thank you for employees and clients alike. Did you know that you can easily order gift cards in bulk directly From Starbucks at starbuckscardb2b.com Give your team the recognition they deserve with a gift they're sure to use. They're thoughtful gifts for special occasions, events, or just because with digital, physical and customizable card options, gifting is made easy through Starbucks card b2b.com and now someone's gotta follow that. Your next Bucket poll goes by the name of Jim Talley, everyone. Jim Talley. Jim Talley is next. Hell, yeah. All right. How y'all doing tonight? Good. Fuck yeah. Give it up for my partner in crime there. Ah, shit. Let's see if this joke works too. All right, all right, here we go. Oh, shit. My homeboy just came to my house the other day crying cause he found a video of his girlfriend sucking a dick. I know, man. The fucked up part about it was the dick was mine. I know, man. Hear me out. Oh, here's where the shit got fucked up. I had to then sit there and listen to this motherfucker's critiques on my dick as if it wasn't mine. The motherfucker was spazzing too. He was like, how the fuck she gonna cheat on me with that? My dick way bigger than his. I'm just looking like. I mean, it's not little, right? Like maybe it's easier on our jawline or something. My. Why you big shaming, right? Like I was defending an unknown penis, essentially. Right? All right. Oh, shit. Well, that's it, guys. Thank you, Jim Telly. Wow. How fun. Very fun to go off of that rush hour energy in your openings. Very fun. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up, Jim? I'm going on three years. Three years. We're at Houston, Atlanta. I'm getting close. Africa. Oh, my God. Hilarious. That was funny. How you doing, man? Thank you, man. Where have you been doing stand up at? I started in South Florida. I went to North Dakota for one year. Now I'm here. Wow. What made you go to North Dakota? I knew this question was coming. Yeah. Believe it or not, white dick, if I'm being honest with you, my sister married a white man. Yeah. Dick was so good, I moved there. I think you just found your new catchphrase. Take us through that process. What made you follow your sister up to North Dakota? That's an interesting story. So she. Actually. They met in South Florida on one vacation. I used to live in Africa, right? Yeah. Just I have to preempt that, but no. So they met in Florida, and he fell in love with black pussy so much that he went to Africa, and then she moved back to North Dakota, and life was cheaper, and I was tired of Florida and I was like, you know what? I want to go to North Dakota. He was in South Florida. Yes, sir. And this guy, according to your exact words. Yes, sir. Loved black pussy so much. Damn right. That he left South Florida, a hot spot of black pussy, to go to the actual fucking North Pole of black. Exactly, exactly. Africa. Exactly. Oh, my God. I know, I know. They're still married to this day. Goddamn it. Wow. That is incredible. Shout out, Justin. Justin is in North Dakota right now, like, well, thank you. You got that right. Yeah, I. You got that right. He looks like a white Pete Davidson, if I'm being honest with you. Well, Pete Davidson is a white Pete Davidson, so. Oh. I said, oops. Yeah. Yep. No, he is. My bad. I didn't think blonde and white. Same. I didn't. The cast, the cat. Whoever does the casting at SNL also thought Pete was half black when they got him, so. Anyway. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't think Shane's liver had this much energy. Right here. What? Who? Shane's liver. Shane's. Oh, Shane. Oh, you're list, Right. What? I got it. I'm black. I'm wearing all black. And Rich. Shane's liver. Oh, got it, got it. All right, Very good. You know what? I think Rich is having mini strokes during this show. I said to him, I go, is this funny? He goes, you got to do it. This I love. You're blaming Adam on your jokes. He said it was funny. It's weird. My daughter. My oldest daughter married a black dude. I mean, so I heard the family. Really? Yeah. I'm not racist. Wow. People think I'm racist because I have two drinking fountains at my house. No signs above them. Jim, what did you do for work in North Dakota? Jim, that's funny. I work for AT&T. Okay. Worked. Yeah. And what do you do now? I am working for another company in sales. Okay, very good. And do you have a steady girlfriend? I do. I do. Yeah. She followed me up to North Dakota and down here as well. And now you live here in Austin, Texas. How long have you lived here for? I just got here December 31st. December 31st. And what made you want to move to Austin, Texas, of all places? Stand up comedy man. Right. And you love it. How old are you? I'm 31. Turning 30. 31. Wow. You're. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible. What does that mean, Tony? I don't know. You could have said anything. I would have said that. That work. You could have been 25, 55. You really could have been anything. Have you ever been a volunteer firefighter? I'm getting volunteer firefighter vibes, sunglasses. Down. Yeah. My bad, guys. No, it's okay. Yeah, I know. I do look like a security guard right now. I get it. Cut or uncut. Jesus. Rich Voss asking that. The tough questions over here. When do the sunglasses go on? You wear them outdoors? Yeah. Or is it just for show? No, I were. I was, like, actually wearing. I was actually wearing them, but, like, you know, it's dark now, so. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. Were you ever. Were you ever racially profiled in your time in North Dakota? Surprisingly, no. No, because before I cut my hair, I actually had blonde hair, and they're just not used to seeing black guys up there, so I didn't look threatening at all. You had blonde hair? Yeah. Cam Patterson told me to cut it off because he said my hair looked like it had aids. Don't laugh at that. Fuck that, nigga. I'm just playing. I love Cam. Jim, you're so funny. What's something else we should know about you before we let you go? Oh, shit. You know, I. Like I said, I grew up overseas. I speak multiple languages and shit. I speak French, for example. You speak French? What did you just say? I speak French 100%. Like, I'm 100% fluent in French. Wow. What other languages do you speak? An African dialect called Wolof. Breadman. Don't you play that shit. Oh, wait a second. No, no, no. Just hold on. Let him do the thing. I want to hear you lies. And we're about to come out. What can you say in. Don't tell me. Boom. Asalaam alaikum. Wow. Yeah. What did that mean? So I just say, hey, I'm here on Kill Tony. And I'm saying pretty much. Good. Blessings to you guys. Let's go. Dude, when. When. When you lived in Africa and you would walk down to the river to do your laundry? No, I took the zebra. I took the zebra. What else? What else can you do? Oh, I know how to do nunchucks. Really? I swear to God, I don't. I don't have them on me, but I do know. Yeah. Do we have any. We do have nunchucks. I had a feeling. We have a special. Oh, my God. This place is unbelievable. We have a special Kill Tony Toy box, where we have all the things we might ever need, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my. Yep. Oh, my God. Give me. Give me a single Spotlight Kino. Wow. Holy. This is incredible. He could have played both characters in Rush Hour. Absolutely unbelievable. Wow, wow, wow. I mean. Yeah, you kind of did it. Yeah, yeah, it was good. How long you been doing that? About a year and a half now. Let's go. Where does it ever come into play or come into, you know? Whoa. I just use it for Kill Tony now. You did? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Nunchuck Barry over here. Whoop nobody's ass with these. Jim, I. Wait, what? Rich? You would have thought the last guy would have done that. Yes. Rich is literally doing a different podcast tonight. He's listening that you can't see, but he has a little head. It. What's the longest set you've ever done, Jim? If I'm being honest, 36 minutes. 36 de you on the Secret Show. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, absolutely unbelievable. Jim Telly has arrived. Here's a big joke book. Jim, thank you so much. Sign up again, Come back. We need more Jim Telly in our lives. So much fun. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to the stage, coincidentally, the man that told Jim Telly to cut his blonde hair. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. This is the one and only Cam Patterson. I did not say his hair looked like it had aids. I said it looked gay. That's what I said. I said it looked gay as hell. Cut it off, you bitch, nigga. That's what I said. I did y'all a favor. He did a good job. I'm proud of him. Let's talk about Trump. He's funny. He's funny to me. Very. I'm not a political guy. I'm not very political, but it's very funny that he hired a 13 year old kid with cancer to be the head of the Secret Service. That's funny as fuck to me. He likes it a lot. That's a. It's funny. Cause my grandma weird. Cause she weird about it. Cause the kid is black, she don't know how to feel. And I was like, grandma, how do you feel about Trump hiring a black kid to be had Secret Service? Cause he has cancer. And my grandma said, I don't give a fuck about that retard. And I said, grandma, he has cancer. She went, same thing. No, it's not. Which is crazy, right? And what funny to me. This is what I think about a lot. This made me really happy. He don't know it's fake. He has no idea that he's not the head of the Secret Service. He think he runs the Secret Service. What's funny is like, Trump has got onto something that African N knew a long time ago. Child soldiers are amazing. You understand that? Like, you fuck with Trump, I will kill your family, nigga. And I love it. It's pretty dope for me. And the last thing I would say is I'm thinking about this. I've been thinking about this a lot. It's funny. Cause last year, Trump got shot in the ear and everybody's making fun because he had two women at Secret Service. And it's funny to think that he, instead of that, he was like, fuck all that bullshit. I'm a hire a retarded 13 year old nigga with cancer. Because that's better with two women than a gun. You know what? I' man, I said it backwards, but you get it. You get what I was doing. What can I say that I haven't said thousands of times before? Absolutely incredible. Ken Patterson, we fucking love you too, baby. Is hilarious. What a great premise. Y'all don't see this nigga over here in jail. Y'all don't see him. He's been in jail clothes the whole show. Oh, yeah, this white man in prison, over. Oh, he's wearing the official Cam Patterson white T shirt. That's terrifying that he has that. Yep. Y. Okay, sit back down, Cam. Sorry. It's not great to wake these kind of people up. Oh, yeah. Thank God for calling on me. He was. He was all right. Now he's all right. He's back to chill. I like your style, jail dude. The. It's definitely done Meth a bunch. Real drugs, real hardcore one too. No, no. I thought that was me and makeup for a minute. Just have good energy. Good energy over there. I like that. What made you dress like a jail guy? I've been in prison. I served 13 months and I found Kill Tony when I was in there. They show. They show Kill Tony in prisons? Yes. With the right phone. You. You snuck a phone in prison and you watched Kill Tony. Right, Right. He didn't have a phone up his ass. Okay. Wow. What a teaser. What a. What a night. I mean, holy. This is a wild night. There's guys that watch Kill Tony while in actual prison wearing a prison outfit. That. This is absolutely incredible. Even this guy too. I mean, that's amazing. Oh, he gonna stab all of us. Well, either way. Either way. It's gonna be either way. Yeah, he's gonna. What is doing? He humping something. That was scary. The rest of my shit over here. N. That was terrifying. He humped the air opening. That was crazy. Fuck. Rich Voss first, please. Wait a minute. I don't know if it's a prison outfit. It's fucking culottes. You got shorts. That's a prison outfit. And the welcome to the roast of Rich box. It doesn't matter. I. The problem is I came out too hot and I follow it. Did you walk? Did you walk here? What? Cuz your knuckles are scraped. Oh, my God. Rich, put the mic down. Put the mic down. Put the mic. This place is in chaos. Us right now. That took my brain like I was like, wait, what does he mean? Oh, wow. I've never seen. He called me a monkey. That's some. That's a real. Hey, that's what up. I guess the streak's over. No, it bombed that bomb too, also. Oh, my God. This party is out of control. I've never seen D Madness clench his fist before. He's back here ready to defend his sweet, sweet Cam Patterson. He f to punch the out of Adam Ray. He don't know who the out. Holy. We'll reent. I swear to God. You got to be close. You got to be close. Oh, my God. Holy. Holy. Cam, I mean, you've done it. We've done so many interviews. I gotta tell you, I love that new joke. Absolutely incredible. Super topical, right on the dot. 13 year old with cancer in the news all week. The State of the union and everything. You nailed it. Adam, anything? Yeah, great, great. New big Cam. I mean, there's always. Every time I see always something new. Appreciate you, man. I love it. Keep killing it, baby. Thank you, man. Yeah, you're absolutely killing it. An unstoppable force. Oh, Rich Voss wants to say one more thing. This guy's got the. I know how to pick him. He's gonna end up on snl. I guarantee it. Rich. Rich. That's not even a thing anymore. Rich. Rich is like. I. I know it when I see it. He's gonna end up on Johnny Carson any day now. I swear to God. This guy. We need to get him on Star Search. He's going to be Star Search. Oh, I swear to God. I swear to God, when M. Griffin finds this guy, it's going to be incredible. Oh, I swear to God. Hey, I. I want to book you at the last sub. I swear to God. Hey, you know what? You should perform at the Dinosaur Factory, Rich in the Allentown There he goes. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. What an episode. We're having fucking fun tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull. Whoa. Wow. Shirley Temple Heidi getting big pops tonight. The ladies lover. The dudes lover. Absolutely incredible. This guy's going to jerk off right now in the bathroom. It's absolutely unbelievable. Hi, this is Debbie, your blinds.com design consultant. Oh, wow, a real person. Yep. I am here to help you with everything from selecting the perfect window treatments to. Well, I've got a complicated project. Oh, not a problem. I can even schedule a professional measure and install. We can also send you samples fast and free. Hmm. I just might have to do more. Oh, okay. So the first room we're looking at is for guests. Shop blinds.com now and save up to 45% on select styles. Blinds.com rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, what's up? This is Joe from Pass Gas podcast by Donut Media. We're an automotive history podcast, but you don't have to be a car person to enjoy our show. We tell the craziest stories, like the first Race Across America. It was basically 45 days of hell. Or how the humble caravan saved Dodge and allowed them to make the Viper. We've been doing this podcast for over five years now, and there are still so many crazy stories. It amazes. Amazes me. It's basically like hanging out in the garage, chopping it up with your friends, hanging out, good vibes. So check out past gas, wherever you get your podcasts. Your next bucket poll has been on the show a couple times. You know, it's just so fun every time this young lady is on. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Juanita, everybody. Here we go. Hey. So I started working at a restaurant, and I'm annoyed with my manager because she doesn't say anything to the little kids running around. And I used to be a corporate manager, and I would lie, so I'd be like, hey, you guys, we don't want the kids running around because we have some broken glass or, hey, y'all, we just had a service dog eat a piece of Oreo cheesecake and diarrhea all over the main dining room. We're gonna wanna keep the kids right here. Hey, y'all, our buster is a registered sex offender and he's really horny. And your kids are super hot. So we're just gonna wanna keep them neatly stowed right here at the table. Anybody uncircumcised? Yeah, me too. Juanita. Juanita, always a decent minute. But your Interviews are absolutely priceless. Let's start here. One thing that I noticed right from the very, very top of your set. Do you notice what you did? Oh, I said oshuna shay even before that. No, I didn't. You went like that. Is that a thing that you think a lot of trans comedians have to do when they probably, you know, have some voice issues? For those of you that don't know or haven't put it together yet, if you're easily tricked and would have ended up sucking a fat cock tonight. Right. Oh, Juanita was originally a wand. All right, Juanita, welcome. Thank you. So let's talk about it. You said that you're. Are you really uncircumcised? Is that an actual thing? Yeah, I was born in Mexico. They don't do that there, huh? No. They keep the corn tortilla right there, huh? Yeah, it was pretty common. That's a Mexican thing. Rich fox boss clearly hates trans people. He's completely shut down. He doesn't know what to do. He's just looking back and forth, super confused. Shell shot from the whole night. What the. I didn't know that was a dude. I got. I got hard for nothing. Not. Not for nothing. Oh, wow. Hey. Whoa. We'll be right back. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. That's right. So, Juanita, how's life going? Remind us again, how long you been doing standup? About three years. Three years. What do you do for work? So right now I'm working at a restaurant. Actually, I'm working at a restaurant. What are you doing at the restaurant? Just serving. Just serving rotisserie chicken that cost $36 at a restaurant called Fressa's. Oh, I actually like that place. Yeah, I love that place. Should I not. Should I not love it? No, they're amazing. They're actually like. They feed us, like, three times a day. They're amazing. They are very consistent. Good meal. What were you saying there? Let's go to our own resident rotisserie chicken, Rich Voss, who's been spinning around all night. Slowly and slowly turn. She said they feed her three times a day. I just said, no, dear. It's like she's picking up double shifts. Oh, listen, look, you're doing comedy, you're having fun. Do it all before you go to hell. That's what I. Yeah, I'm trans, so that's what's going to happen. When did you know? When did you know you wanted to make the switch? I knew my whole life, but I didn't do it until I was like, 30. What? Why? Oh, because, like, I. It's. I got, like, a linguistics degree, and I wanted to be an interpreter. And so, like, I don't know. I just couldn't. I didn't know how to navigate, like, the professional and then, like, also being trans. So I just. I was, like, trans around. Like, my friends. Like, were your friends trans? No. Right. Actually, didn't really, like, have any trans friends until I moved to Austin. Okay. All right. Those are your friends. Okay. So, Juanita, when you say you knew your whole life that you were a man or a woman in a man's body, what do you mean? Like, how did you first know? Like, how does that kind of happen? Were you excited to, like, do the dishes or something? No. I get in trouble a lot for doing faggy shit, like playing with Barbies. And, like. No, but I knew. And, like, in my mind, I had this little fantasy where, like, one day we were gonna go to the doctor, and they were gonna do some testing, be like, oh, no, we made a mistake. And you're like, oh, okay. But, no, that didn't happen. But, yeah, I would, like, fantasize as a child, I would fantasize about that. Yeah. Sometimes, like, in a hotel, I'll put my dick between my legs and. And I'll run around the room going, who's a pretty girl? Yeah. So Rich is asking, did you do that? Yeah, similar. Similar experience. You nailed it. Yeah. Spot on. Still do sometimes. Saw. Juanita, do you have a. What? What are you into? You into boys? Girls? How does this work? Work exactly? I like men. You like men? Like, big old white man? You like big white men to treat you like a lady, and then. So have you ever been on, like, a date with maybe someone that maybe, like, didn't know? Like, did they. Like, do you have to. At what point? What's it like doing? That used to happen, and then, like, now I just get it out of the way. I'm like. Because it can be, like, a little dangerous, of course. And so especially here in town. Texas. Yeah. No, no, no. So I learned. I learned you're not the only one carrying a concealed weapon. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, no, no. That's definitely happened before. Where? So you get it out of the way, right? You get it out of the way early. What was a close call? Was there ever one where, like, I don't know. No. I think the only thing I can think of is just like. Like, sometimes, like, I can kind of. Like. I used to be able to, like, tell when a Guy was, like, about to, like, kind of, like, grab my crotch or something. And, like, oh, like, before you do that, like. And then. So I got a secret. What's the role? Would your voice get that deep when you would say that? Yeah. Cause I think you could tell after that that I go. I'd go full Jerry Springer. The reason I brought you here, Quantavius. Oh, I was born a man. Funny. So when you would have to do that, if it got to that point, if they were about to grab your crotch and you double made sure, like, whatever. How, like, would they. Would they just keep going? Would they? Would it? Oh, yeah. They don't give a right. Yeah. At that point, either they knew or they're down for an adventure. No. Yeah, it's. It's usually, like, sometimes they get more excited, right? They're like, oh, like, I got one. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Come for the chicken, stay for the beef. All right, Juanita, what do you do for fun? What's a hobby of yours? I like painting a lot. And then I, like, do. Uhoh. Uhoh. They have so many walls. Put your political views aside for one night. You like painting? What else? Painting? I like doing karaoke. I like doing. What's your karaoke song of choice? Do you go boy or girl on that one? Are you doing Celine Dion or Dion? Celine. Both the violins in the stream. How do you know about Dion? No, I go like Selena usually do. Selena. Okay. All right. That's a good one. Can we get a little. Can we get a little a taste of the Selena nachos? Belgrande's been waiting for me to get a Selena song for years. Here. Here we. All right, all right. I'm gonna stop you there. That is amazing. That is amazing. Somehow you sound like Selena, and you look like the lady that shot her at the same time. Absolutely incredible. That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night. Oh, my God. You already have a big joke book. Yeah. Hell, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise of Juanita, everybody. I don't know why you have to do one thing. What's going on, Juanita? I want to challenge Rick Diaz for his golden ticket. No, no. That's not how it works, Juanita. That's not how it works. There goes Juanita, everybody. Thank you so much. Adorable, Adorable. This a little. The man came out at the end there. I want to take Rick Diaz's job. Wow. All right, your next bucket poll. Looks like a new name. Goes by the name of Lisa Smith, everybody. Lisa Smith. Here we go. Okay, this Is great. Where are my white men at? Okay, great. I think the funniest thing about World War II, you guys love, love it. I think the funniest thing is how adorable Japanese people became after, like, these people used to be scary. They used to be like kamikaze pilots and samurais. And then after the war, they were like, konnichiwa, we're cute now. I could say that, though. I could say that because I'm a weird black person. And everyone knows all weird black people are Japanese for some reason. I don't know why, but I am gonna name my baby Super Kawaii. Super Kawaii Leonard. Okay, great. You guys watch basketball. I think the second funniest thing About World War II is one of Oppenheimer's girlfriends killed herself because just like white women gotta make everything about them. Okay, thank you. Lisa Smith. Welcome, welcome. Hey. Hi. Hello. How are you? This is your first time on the show, right? Yeah. At Mothership? Yeah. Okay. Where was the other time? At Vulcan. Okay, so it's been a few years. All right, awesome. How long you been doing stand up? Oh, like nine years. Nine years. All of it here in Austin, Texas? No, Atlanta. Duh. Oh, well, that was my next guess. Yeah. Anyway, Atlanta. How long have you been in Austin? Like, three years. Three years. Absolutely. Perfect. What do you do for work? Work? I serve tables at, like, a crab restaurant. At a crab restaurant. A lot of servers here, too. Yeah, at a crab restaurant. And, Lisa, your set was very funny, filled with punchlines. World War II. I would not have guessed that you would come out with a full minute of World War II material. Guns ablaze and like that. Absolutely incredible. Tell us more about you, Lisa Smith. Okay, I. I like scrawny dudes. I like anime. Okay, great. That was one of them. When you say scrawny dudes, you mean scrawny black dudes or white dudes? It can be whatever. Well, okay, it could be white. And black is number one and two. But I've fucked every race, white and black. Ever been to a Hampton Inn, Lisa? You're into anime. What else? Let me ask you this. When you say scrawny dudes, how scrawny are you talking? What's like, the smallest guy you've ever hooked up with? If you had to guess his weight. 1:30. Ish. 130. Yep. That's pretty light. Do you know who Heath Cordis is? Yeah, I don't. I don't know. He's a tiny, tiny little boy. Right. Spinner. Where is he? No, I'm kidding. Is Heath here? But he have eyes on Heath. He might be under one of your tables running around right now. He likes to pick up little things that people drop. Do you have a job? What do you do for work? She works at a crab restaurant. She's a server at a crab restaurant. Hell, yeah. She said that. Oh, okay. Sorry. Y. What? Where. What. What do you. What's your position there? Server. She's a server and a crab. This moment is brought to you by the Rich V School of Comedy, where. Where anyone can listen and then just say whatever they want. And then followed up with a. I'm back. Classes are going on right now, Monday through Wednesday, 3 to 3:15. She's. You're so likable. I could see you on SNL. They got like four of her on SNL already. That's exactly what SNL wants. On snl. There's a lot of me in New York. Yeah. Yep. No doubt about it. Lisa, tell us something crazy about your life. Tell us something wild. What would surprise us about you? My whole family's crazy. Yeah. Three trying to fight me before I left Atlanta. What did they try to fight you for? Okay. Okay. This is gonna be good. Oh, yeah. This is gonna be great. Well, 1 thought I was trying to fuck her girlfriend. Do you do that sometimes? Do you hook up with chicks? No. I hear my voice. I know I'm straight. And then one, I did fuck her boyfriend. And then the last one, I don't know. I don't know. I think she thought I was better than her. Why would she think that you thought that she was better than her? I think my voice sounds affluent. But I'm poor. But I think that kind of gets black. Black women don't like that. Black people don't like that. They don't. Sorry. They don't. Is this true? Black people? The black people look very confused. John Dees, are you the child of Macy Gray and Cam Patterson? It is. I would love that. Yeah. How long has your hair been like that? It's a really, like. It's a great quality. It is incredible. Is there a barber shop at the Underground Railroad that you went to? All right. Wow. Oh, even John. You're not going to laugh at that. Jesus, John. John's gotten too used to the show. Four years has gotten to his head. Used to laugh at jokes like that. Aha. Can I touch your hair? Oh, my God. Red band. No. Let me answer that for you. You cannot touch her hair. Do you have a boyfriend now? Yeah, I guess. A comedian. You date a comedian? No, I used to do that. I stopped. Why? Who the fuck are you hollering? What's that? That means are you trying to. Are you trying to go on a date with her? Are you hollering at her? Oh, no, no. I couldn't handle that. Where do you work? Do you have a job or do you serve at a crab restaurant? Do you. I serve tables at a crab restaurant. What. What? Who are, like, your influences when you first got into stand up? Wow, these are like real questions. Yeah, that. That is a very, very serious question you got there. What is this? Inside the Actors Studio? What's your favorite curse word? What turns you on, Rich Voss? What turns you off? For Doris? What would you do if you weren't doing stand up comedy? Should probably be a server in a crab restaurant. Here's the big joke book. We're gonna. There she goes. Make some Lisa Smith. We're having fun here tonight. All right, make some noise for your next bucket poll. Ladies and gentlemen, it is Will Owens, everybody. Will Owens, shut your ass up. I hope all y'all doing well. I'm feeling great. My wife and I just finished adopting an at risk. You? Yeah, we got a little crack baby at the crib. And Chef, every morning before work, I pick them up, take a deep breath, get a little contact high. Shit. Better than coffee, man. I do have a question. I'm asked this side of the room because some of y'all look like y'all grew up in the system. What's the return policy on an orphan? Anybody know? Is it 30 days? Do I still need the receipt? At this point, I'll take store credit. This little nigga gotta go. They told me he was refurbished. Good as new. Hey, he came out. That box broken? All right. Oh, before I get out of here, somebody please take a picture of me so my wife doesn't think I'm cheating. Will Owens, you have one more. I was gonna say just send her the picture in three hours. There you go. Will Owens. So you are married? Yeah, married. And do you really have a kid? Yeah. It's not a crack baby, though, but yeah. I mean, that was my next question. When you say orphan, you adopted it? No, that's just a joke. I just write jokes. Okay. All right, Relax. Well, Jesus Christ Almighty. That's why. All right. That's why I was here. Okay, relax, Will. You're. You're doing okay. Relax, relax. You're not in court right now. Relax, Will. It's okay. I'm going to take. I want this to go good for you. Too. Will, how long you been doing stand up? About two and a half years. Where at? Houston. You know, everybody fucking groaned earlier when I asked the black guy. Atlanta and then Houston. Just take note. Atlanta, Houston. I'm just saying South Florida would be the third guess where the guy was from. All right, so, Will. Houston, Texas. Two and a half years. You still live there? Yeah, I'm not from Houston. I just moved there. Were you originally from San Bernardino, California? What made you move to Houston? It's cheaper. Okay. All right. Yeah, that's about it. And what do you do for a living there? I'm a staff and agency recruiter. Okay. All right. You like that job? Yeah, I love it. Okay. Yeah. What do you do for fun, Will? Fuck y'all. Everyone likes you, Will. Everybody likes you. Laughing at my job? No, they're just laughing. They just think you're likable, Will. It's a good thing. Thank you. You're doing good. Ready to turn on everybody real fast. Very defensive. Will. Yeah. You always that. Are you always that quick? To y'all, you that. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's a joke, but you kind of mean it. Yeah, only to my friends. I can't be my true self to strangers. Oh, I think that's what Ted Bundy said. Yeah. Now it's good to work. And you, too, can use a punchline like that. If you take classes at the Rich Boss School of Comedy, operators are standing by. Classes are 630. They take Venmo and cash. 3 to 3:15, Monday through Tuesday. That's your birthday. Six thirty. Oh, thanks, Rich. That's a big part of the comedy show. Hey, you guessed my birthday. Just if you want to play that number. 6:30. Like your J's. You look good, man. New sneakers you know about. Did you know what J's are? I got 50 pairs. I'm a headliner. Wow. A headliner. A headliner. I've never heard of such a. How do you get to be a headliner? Who gets. How do you get to go up last at the comedy club? All right, co headliner. Oh, my God. They're. They're not Jordans. All right, Will. Tell us something crazy about your life. Tell us a fun fact about you or us. Something about your life that would surprise us or that. That wouldn't. Anything, really. Just. I met my. One of my brothers when I was in, like, high school. Whoa. Yeah. I didn't even know he existed that week before. You're. This is from, obviously your father's side. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Low Hanging fruit, that one, huh? Was it emotional? No. Yeah, no, shit was like a ghetto mori episode and shit. Yep, that happens. That's a thing that happens to white people too. That be happening to some white people. That be. Where'd you meet him? Like jail. So my. The Red band school of comedy is. Is taking submissions now at the Sunset strip. It's a 20 minute course. You get a certificate at the end. What made you meet your brother then? Was that your dad's idea? No, I don't think either one of us knew he existed. For real. My sister's good friend, she was hanging out and my sister's good friend's mom walked in, asked her her name, she told her her full name and she was like, oh, are you related to Willie Owens Jr. And she was like, that's my dad. And then she was like, oh, you want to meet your brother? And then she was like, little, come in here, meet your sister. So cash. And then my sister called me like, little nigga, come in here, meet your brother. Yeah, but we're cool now. Wow, what I said about that happening to white enough people. It doesn't happen like that. It's not exactly like that. Have you guys kicked it since you reunited? Yeah. Talk to him all the time. Yeah. You guys find that you have a lot of things in common? No. Okay. All right. Well. Well, what else? Anything else other than staff and recruiting? What, you have any hobbies or anything like that? Just for real, Just being a father. Comedy. Right? Every day. How old's your kid? Two. Two. Two years old. Is that Will Owens the third? No, it's a girl. Oh, hell yeah. Were you happy when you found out you were having a girl? Yeah, I was happy. I would have been happy no matter what it was, you know, I just wanted a healthy kid. What's the toughest part about being a dad? Toughest part about being a dad? Staying there. Yep. No, not a black dad again. That number for the rich Voss. 255. Will Owens, the. Thank you so much. She's Kill Tony debut. It has happened. Will Owens. All right, we're going to speed through this next part of the show. I have another golden ticket winner. Literally, famously, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody. Here you go. Cool. Hey, what's up? Okay. Yeah. Okay, cool. It was Ash Wednesday recently. I couldn't make it to church, so I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead. I was concerned. She's great, mate. It's the only ash I had. But anyway, I'm a lover, not a fighter. So when someone tries to fight me, I try to have sex with them. No matter. Like let's do that this another way. Let's meet at the middle, you know. Cause test it anyway. No, I don't think I can fight many people. I think I got old people and children. So if you're under eight or over 80, stay the fuck out of my way. 59 and a half seconds for Martin Phillips. These people are dialed in super professional. Thank you. 100% all time batting average for Martin Phillips. How's life going, Martin? You look fantastic. Oh, now he's this corduroy. Oh, it's corduroy. Yeah, yeah. Goodness. Now he's Friedberg, dude. Hell yeah. Nothing better than a corduroy shirt on the first 85 degree day of the year. It was cold in the morning. Okay, okay. Put it on in the morning. You dress up in the morning and then no matter what happens, I. I take my outfit. Okay. I stick stick with my fashion. Nice old black. Wow, dude. Yeah. Favorite color or something. You called her blind or you are you talking right now? What the is going on? Exactly? What's going on? Are you going to a future to roll at you? You are so lucky. I don't understand what you're saying. Look great. What. What is happening over here? Just cuz you can't take the shirt off. Just cuz you can't unbutton your buttons after you get all dressed in the morning. Come on. Come on. No, no, no. Out. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, we've run out of time. Oh. Oh, the place is going wild. Oh. Oh, what a twist. Oh, oh. Oh. This is how you kill me. How the. Now the shoes. How the hell is this the biggest show in comedy right now? This doesn't make any sense. We have dudes with cerebral palsy taking off their shirts to standing ovations and Netflix is like, how do I get involved? This is absolutely incredible. That tough part is going to to be button back up, right? Yeah, it's going to be. I didn't think about that part. You're going to see Juanita with a new green corduroy do rag later wrapped around her head. Martin, that could be your new closer. Oh. Oh, yeah. Take off the pet. I do that sometimes. I do that spurt. Kreisure. I think the pants. Hell yeah. Has, has anybody ever tried to use you as a dildo? Oh, okay. He's back. He's back. Martin, Phillips, A cold, cold blooded assassin. You are truly the fucking man. Is there anything else crazy we should know about you before moving on? You know, all you guys, everybody, they love you. Yeah, dude. You know, I've been doing so well lately. I don't think I have to substitute anymore. Yeah, I love that. No more substitute. Tea reaching. You're on tour, you're doing the road a lot. You're selling tickets. Yo, can I say this? Martin Phillips Did a Dr. Phil live in Las Vegas in January. And he came out first. And the place 4, 100 people went nuts when he came out. Dude, you're a beast, Martin. You're so goddamn nice and funny, man. Yeah. So I can retire. Sounds stupid to eat. Yeah, but crazy. Thank God. Last days I substituted. I did something I'd ever done before at work. Well, I shit my pants at the job and while you were teaching. Luckily it was at the end of the day. Cause I don't think I could have hid that from the kids. I think they would have known I shit my pants. Wow. And what was it exactly that you were doing when you shit your pants? You're a substitute teacher, so you play a lot of videos and stuff? Yeah, well, you know, I just. I just had the feeling of shitting. But then I have a classroom of students, so I was like, oh, I can wait till the end of the period. And I could not actually. Yeah. But luckily it happened after a wet of rewearing jeans. Oh, I was wearing khakis. Oh my God. Wow. And was it a lot? Was it like a little shard or was it. Let me tell you, it was. It was a vast amount of feces. Wow. Not to quote my own joke, but I was like, what am I going to do with all this? Wow. Was. What did you do? Take us through the moment. It looked like it looked like I peed out my butt. Yeah. So anytime someone describes as a vast amount of feces. Yeah. Wait, were you wearing. So you got to wear like NBA tearaways next time be nasty. Hold on. Take us actually through it now. You, you. Your pants. And there's a ton of. It is an unbelievable amount of. And you always, always have. Let's just let me slow it down here. Let the record show that he is not like a. You know. Well. Right. But he's also not like a comic that just would say that he his pants and that he. A lot to tell a funny story. Like you go to my school of comic. Exactly. Right. So this being one of the more intellectual true joke writers on the show's fucking roster. This is actually incredible. And honestly, it's maybe not surprising. I do happen to poop myself more often than you would imagine. It's. I mean, you always walk like you just shit your pants. I have to go to a doctor and I have, like, ibs. It's always. So let's go. Let's go back. Okay. All right. What is it, the last period of the day? Last period, Right. Last period. And you, like. And you're. Bell rings, kids out. I'm like, okay, hey, let's go. Right. I start towards the door. And I'm like, so how did you get out of there with all that in your pants? Was it running down your leg at all? I don't think I. I walked slowly and I was. I waited a few minutes for all the school buses to leave. Wait, wait, wait. You know, there was one kid left behind. Was like, Mr. Phillips, are you okay? And he was like, get the fuck out of here, kid. Are you having a fever? So I just sat down and waited. And I sat down. It was squishy. I was like, oh. I knew it was a vast amount, so I was like, oh, all that. But how do you get to your car? Don't you have to, like, clock out? What does substitute teachers do? You just balance, dude. You know, I. I guess I don't know how it works. It's funny. Was. I sat in the teacher's chair, I waited, I got up. I left a wet bark on the teachers, too. Oh, my God. You're like the wet bandits from Home Alone. So. So he probably thought I. It was a prank by a student. He probably didn't think it was by the guy who substituted for him that day. Right. But I had a whole life. I tried to clean it up. I don't think I did not follow through on the chair. So who knows what happened to it, but anybody. I think it's a sign that it is indeed time to give up substitute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's God telling you it's. That's a wrap. Yeah, yeah. You left your mark on that school. Yep. You left your mark in the community. I walked with my knees bent like this, which isn't much different than normal. It got a whole. And I got a, you know, nothing. I think it helped this shit. So then luckily I have a sea protector on my car so I can sit on the seat. But then I threw that out after I got home. And then I just went straight to the shower and threw everything away and washed up. And nobody knows at that school, except all the millions of dollars. Now they know they don't go to the middle school I was at. Wow. Incredible, Martin, what can I say? You fill our hearts every time you're on. Just like you feel the backside of your pants when you're teaching. We love you. You've done it again. Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. All right, before. You know what. You know what I'm in the mood to do? I'm in the mood to do something fun here right now. And I know we're running late, and you people got here hours ago. You want to end it now? You think we should do something fun? Prison guy, what's your name? What is it? Old finger. Offender. Oh, Offender. Offender. Okay, I wanna. I wanna. Guy in the green shirt, make a little space here. Make some noise for Offender. Everybody, a minute from Offender. Come on. There you go. Get to the microphone. There you go. No, right there. Your time starts, Offender. Come on. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, my God. I want to say this. I did my time like a man. That's right. Take that, Britney Griner. Couple things about prison you should know in case you decide to go. Farting is considered a form of flirting. And I had to learn that the hard way when I let one rip and I heard a dude way down the way, he said, hey, I hear you calling my name down there. And if you didn't laugh at that joke, I guess that's one of those moments in life where you should have been there, because that was funny, but I was scared. You know what I'm saying? I hated when the guards made me strip down because they never tipped. I felt like that was rude as hell. There is one more thing. I will go right ahead. There is a. You've done your time, but we're sending you back for. For more. I appreciate it. Yeah. There is. Is one sound that haunts me to this day. It's not the sound of a man getting raped or two men enjoying it. What? Too many? What? Two men enjoying it. Two men enjoying it. Okay. It's actually the sound chains make when you walk. Yeah, it sounds like chink Cheek. Cheek. Okay, Offender, I give you a shot there. Again. That's the rich Voss school of comedy. Is. That's actually. He actually is a double. He's a. He's got his. He went to both schools. Okay, Offender, let's talk about it real quick. How long were you in prison for? I did 13 months. 13 months? What did you get sentenced to prison for? I had 2 grams of pot, 0.1 of cocaine. When I was 26, I was on the run for about six years. Okay. In Alabama. It's a felony in Alabama. Sorry, my voice sounds. So you're okay. Don't worry about it. We gotta fly through it. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. So how long have you been listening to Kill Tony? Did you find it in prison or before? Yes, sir. So I found it in prison and I. Luckily I was like a low level offender. Huh. Sorry. And so I was able to go out into the free. I was in a work release camp after a certain amount of time and I was able to go out. Thank you, Redbone. Yeah, keep going. I was able to go out every day into the free world and I would work at the. This chicken plant and I would listen to Kill Tony. I didn't even get to watch it. And Michael Layer was actually the comedian that convinced me, like, gave me the inspiration. Amazing. The late, great, one of my favorite humans ever, the great Michael Lair. So you did that. So you found it there? Was it somebody that recommended it to you? How'd you find it in prison? I actually believe that, to be honest with you, was Jre. I think I'd seen you guys on there. We were talking about it. So you tried it out. This is way before you guys came to Texas. You ever done standup comedy before? So I've been doing stand up now. I moved here two and a half months ago, and I've been doing it every day for three to five months a day since I've got here. Dude, that's how you do it. I love it. I waited three years. I live on my short bus. I dedicate my life to this. This is all on a short bus. Yes, sir. I'm an Alabama. And it checks out. I love it. Yeah, I love it. And do you have a job? No, sir. Comedy is the career and passion that I'm choosing, so I'm dedicating all of my time. How do you survive, though? How do you make a little bit of money to survive? What are you just committing crimes? Oh, it's going to be the fifth. Yo, come on, tell the truth. You know, this show, you know, it's better when you're on it. Tell the truth. Yeah, so I sell some of the best goddamn weed that I grew myself. You're. You're growing it in the short bus or outdoors? No, I used to live in Oregon. I was a professional, professional pot grower. So when I went to go turn myself in, I drove my short bus across country. When I got done, I went back to Oregon And I recently I had to get my license. I had to do a lot of steps to move here to Austin to follow this dream. Right. So I like have literally the past three years been dedicating to try to get. How old are you? I am 36. 36. You know what? I'm gonna have you paint red band's house. Hey, hey. I'm more professional than that one guy. No, I love it. I'm done to. Just kidding. No one's letting you in their house. Come on. Come on. I mean, maybe you get it. Come on. Maybe John Cena. If he's having a John Cena lookalike party. That's a compliment. Where do you get your material from? So, like, I obviously do have all of the prison material that I do, but I have my normal stuff as well. And I practice every day. I've been out on the street, like literally barking for the past week. So I'm sorry, My voice is barking to get people into the comedy show so that you can do it spot. Is that what you're talking about? Are you literally barking because you're on crystal meth? No, no, no. Okay. No math, right? Yeah, I mean, that's. Do you still partake in things? Are you still kind of a party boy? No, sir. Just marijuana. Just marijuana. 100. You don't drink thca? Sure. But you don't drink. You don't do coke anymore? No, sir. So I do drink a little bit, Officer. Okay. Sorry. Since you're a Kill Tony fan, I'm going to let you off the hook. Yeah. I appreciate it. It. Hey, can I tell you one thing that I really have? Like, it's special. It's really good. Okay. Do you feels like it's going to be. You know the Kony bingo board? Yeah. I have a tattoo of it on my thigh that I got while I was in prison. You have a Kill Tony T. I have to see Kill Tony be your boy. Y'all want to see it? Yeah. Just make some noise. You gonna show it? What the going on here? Let's do it. We're running out of time, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. That is incredible. That is the actual Kill Tony entire bingo card. That is unbelievable. That is incredible. I got your life together. Well. Well, I guess so. I love it. I love it. Offender. Congratulations. Here's a big joke. There you go. Oh, Jesus. Right off his face. Hey, I'm sorry. Sorry. You're catch cases. You're okay. We gotta finish the show. Go have fun. Get out of here. Wow. Dude. One more time. For Offender, everybody making dreams come true. And now, Working Man. Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, this is it. The moment you've been waiting for. A show that featured two golden ticket winners. Two. I mean, the Closer went first. So I guess there's truly only one way to end an episode like this, and that is with Unlike Offender, a guy who's still trying to get his American citizenship. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Estonian assassin, the one and only, the great and powerful Ari Mati. Yo, yo. A friend of mine got cheated on by his girl. Very sad. And he found out that she cheated. The only way men find out that they've been cheated on, she told him. Let's be honest, men ain't figuring shit out we don't notice. When you get a new haircut, you think I'm gonna notice a sparkle in your eyes? You think I'm gonna notice an overall glow about you? Dude, I can't imagine how easy it is to cheat on a guy. I could come home, the other guy is in the closet, smell of sperm is all across the apartment. I'll still be like, baby, what you cook is that full? You could have the other guys come fall out of your pussy. I'll be like, holy, I'm killing it. I'll tell my friends my baby girl. Come. White dude cheating on a woman, though, different story. They can tell even if they don't have evidence. They'll just look at you, fucking. You'll just fucking. Dude, if you want to cheat on a woman, you gotta meet that other bitch in, like, Guadalajara with a fake passport. You gotta destroy the evidence after. You gotta fucking. You might have to drown that bitch. You might have to. You might have to drown her in the lake. Like, sorry, mamacita, but the bitch will know you're seeing Tommy Amora. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. Crazy. It's crazy. What's going on here is crazy. We are witnessing a great comedian become one of truly the Truly. I really believe you're, like, one of the best in the world right now. It's crazy. Very nice of you. We're watching it happen in real time in the public. It's pretty crazy. It is crazy. You're a superstar. Yeah. My life, dude. 1212 fucking years. Nobody wanted me. The festivals didn't want me. Jfk, jfl. I hope you fucking burned to hell. Yep, they. They did, by the way. They went bankrupt. Somebody bought him. I hope he dies, too. I've auditioned to every fucking festival. I've been to London, Melbourne. Fuck you. Nobody wanted Me. And then I finally found this motherfucking hardcore comedy community. Yeah, that's it. You chased it down. So, Adam, do you want to jump in here? Yeah. Ari, where do you work? Do you have a job? What's. Do you. Okay, all right. No. Do you get recognized? Like, you mentioned that, like, you're obviously like in Austin. Yeah, but I think it's like the Kill Tony fans, they're always so cool, you know, they want to be cool. You know, they don't want to run up to guys are always weird, you know, they're like, what's up, player? You know? Yeah. What is your demo? Lie. Mostly men. All men. All men. It's always men. Yeah, men. Always after shows in the corner. That was a great new tag. I noticed you were fucking. That's a great new tag. I really amazing rule of three. It's a good compliment though. That is an insane no. It is. Of course. Yeah. The best fans. Yeah. I'm gonna go off of. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I want to cover something here that I did notice this week and Red Ban has brought it up on this screen. The Estonian mp. What does that stand for? Main prime or something? Even I'm blanking. What he's done. He's something with money, but he's okay in the government. No, he's in the European whatever commission. The guy's haircut is. Is crazy. I know. Everybody's been sending me this meme this whole week. Yeah. Have you guys seen this fucking haircut? I know people do this a lot in Estonia. I mean, in modern day politics you gotta stand out. Yeah, yeah. He has a really hot girlfriend too. Banging. Really? Check out the girlfriend. I bet he does. He's got that kind of energy. He's got fucking party boy energy. I know it is a crazy haircut, but if you're in front of a commission from a small country that nobody gives a fuck about. Yeah, this is a great start. You got to stand out. Out. We're gonna put the picture of them over the screen during this part so that people can fathom what the hell we're talking about. Cuz it is a goddamn absolute mental illness. It's an architectural. It's an architectural. Is that a word? Architectural? Looks like the guy who farted at offender. Yeah, I just wanted to say your name again. Oh, this is the prisoner, right? Yeah, that's the guy over there. I thought. I thought. And yes, you are very, very prison. Ari. Anything else we should. You want to say before we put a ribbon on this episode Killers of Kill Tony. Amazing, you know? Yeah, dude, we go out sometimes to party. Dude, you should check out the crew. We go. It's David Jolly, me and Martin Phillips. These bouncers don't know what the fuck kind of Avengers are walking in. Just a fucking. The blackest guy you've ever seen. A fucking Nazi and a crippled. It's like a. It really. It's like a fucking anecdote when we just walk into bars. Yeah. And I love the way they look at Martin from the distance. They're like, what the fuck? How fucked up is this guy? This guy's. And he's gotta be like, I'm not fucked up. I'm just. Just like this. And you too can learn a Martin Phillips impression at the Rich Voss school of comedy. Absolutely incredible. You do some impressions? It's usually in the green room where I see him. That crash. What was the other one? What was the one? I sneak him out sometimes. Yeah, Yeah. I didn't realize. What was the other one? You had another one, though. I don't. Maybe it's not good to do it if I don't know who it is. But who was it that you. You were doing one the other night that had me. Well, David Jolly is really fun. I, I wait, you have. You have a David Jolly? God damn. Hell yeah. Ari. You like? I mean, there, there's not. I mean, I could go on and on. So I'm not going to. Thank you to all the fans. Thank you for supporting me. You're watching it in real life. A rock star, an international superstar. How about one more time, did you guys have fun tonight, huh? One more time for your reigning defending hall of famer and 2023 guest of the year, Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Phil is on tour. Adam Ray is on tour. You get tickets for all those events which are giant theaters. This guy is thriving. Adam Ray, comedy dot com. And how about one more time for rich boss, ladies and gentlemen. His new special is on Amazon. It is called Anonymous. We absolutely love you guys. Thank you to Zip, recruiter and Shopify. The drawing from Ryan Nje belt is in and it's absolutely stunning. That does. That is an incredible drawing. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Netflix kill Tony joining forces April 7th. Whatever you do, I don't think I've ever really asked you guys for anything. But watch it. Tell your friends friends to watch it. When you go to somebody else's house, just turn it on. Turn it on everywhere. Have your friends turn it on. We're gonna do a little campaigning. Is everybody gonna watch on April 7th? It's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be. It's gonna be our. It's gonna be really, really good. It's gonna. Let's check out what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Oh, wow. It's me, Russ, in a paying homage to Stone Cold. See, if I lifted weights, I could. I could. All right, April 7th. We did it. 12 years of doing this show and now the world will know we are going to be shoved right down their throats. Red Band Love you guys. I love you. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America, world peace all. We love you. Thank you. Good night everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. This podcast is brought to you by Aura. 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