Brian Redban (0:00)

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Time. Hey, this is Red man coming to you live from the Bridgestone arena here at Nashville, Tennessee, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up and. Tony, Nashville, Tennessee, who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives? God damn motherfucking right, Nashville. Make some goddamn noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land here in Music City, USA? Fernando Castillo, R.A. vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez, Matt Muhling on the electric, John Dees on the keys. And right there, he thinks he's an Austin still. That is the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar. No reaction, no react. D. You don't even smile. You got fucking 15,000 people going crazy. You're sitting there with a straight face. There you are, you son of a bitch. How about. How about one more time for our little opening act, our little crowd warm up. Winona Judd. What kind of fucking dreamland are we in? We might stay here. Let's. Let's. Why don't we do a residency in Nashville for a while, huh? Amanda Jean Roland on the beautiful fucking national anthem. We are here in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. What a time to be alive. The number one live podcast in the world is here at Bridgestone Arena. Thank you so much for being here. We're gonna have so much goddamn fun. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. And starting now, bluechew is offering a combo so strong, it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making. Bluechew Max has arrived, and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis into one chewable. The combo acts fast. And let me tell you guys, be ready when she needs it and get your first month of Bluechew free. Great sex is a few clicks away. Sign up@bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options@bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluetooth free. When you use promo code Tony, just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code Tony. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Consider this your official notice that Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday 11th May is the day for all the moms in our lives, so let's show them how much we care. This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile and maybe even triggers a few tears with a special piece of jewelry from blue nile.com@blue nile you'll find thousands of independently graded diamonds and fine jewelry pieces at prices below your expectations. As the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase, thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Complement mom's classic taste by designing a one of a kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? Blue Niles jewelry Experts are waiting 247 via phone or chat. From tech specs to budget wrecks, they'll help you find a piece your mom will love. Red band oh Tony, I love Blue Nile. They make such classy pieces at affordable price points. It's so easy to purchase amazing jewelry from their website. I think I might get my mom a heart diamond this Mother's Day. You the sweetest little boy. My goodness, that is so thoughtful. Red band. Your gift will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside and in most cases even delivered overnight. And wave goodbye to buyer's remorse because Blue nile also offers 30 day returns and a diamond price match guarantee. So treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease of convenience by shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to blue nile.com today. That's blue nile.com the missing child is Lucia Blix, nine years old. Please let her come back home safely. Thursdays the kidnappers plumbed it meticulously. If money is what it takes to get her back, we're going to pay it. The secrets they hide you can't talk about this. You can't write about it. Are the clues. The mother's hiding something. I know it. To find her, Tell me where she is. The stolen girl. New episodes Thursdays Stream on Hulu. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Well, well, well. You know, we have two totally different shows between tonight and tomorrow night. Not easy to select, not easy to decide exactly who you're gonna have on a Friday night in Nashville. And I gotta tell you, I don't think I could have possibly have booked this fucking thing any better and any cooler. You are in for a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest. Who's going to be with us all night. One of the best, one of the best comedians in the world. A sniper, a genius. You know him, you love him. Make some noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman. Yeah, right there, baby. Mark Norman. Hell yeah. Let's go. Smoking his cigar backwards, ladies and gentlemen. What a badass. Well, you might as well stay up, cuz I'm warning you right now. This roof is about to explode. As I bring to the stage a first time guest in the history of the show. A man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode. Who better in Music City USA than perhaps one of the funniest, coolest musicians of all time. Nashville. I present to you live in the flesh, Nashville Zone. Kid Rock. Oh, it's about to fucking go down. My God. What up, Nashville? Can I get a little. Hell yeah. Let's fucking go. We are here. Kid Rock in the house. An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. Kid Rock, Mark Norman. You guys know how it works. Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket. They get 60 seconds on this stage. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which brutally interrupts them. I conduct an interview, we have some fun, we meet them all at once. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Who's ready to start tonight's show? I have selected the first bucket pool of the night. While we go wrangle them, I have one of our great golden ticket winners ready to get us started with a brand new minute. And by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak to get us started tonight. This is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips. Oh man, how cool. Anyway, I was on the road and a lady DMed me and she said, hey, I'll show you around town. And my pussy. I was like, damn, the city offers great tours. Like what, what a package deal, you know, it's not too many to see. You know, you might be stretching this out, okay? I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those moms deserve to look cool too, you know. And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill, you know. That was strange. When I was a kid, the tooth fairy was coming. So I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow with a note that said, and here's a full set, pay a bit. I included the guns. Martin Phillips getting us started here tonight. I love it. Martin, you are. This is a very special look. Oh, I'm a cowboy, baby. Hell yeah. I love it. You look like if Brokeback Mountain had an actual broken back, you know. And this is. I'd say I have something special on tonight because, you know, I do all these killers and girl Tony shows in big theater so I have more room to mess around. So right now I'm wearing three dollar tap shoes. Those are tap shoes. You know tap shoes. You know how to tap dance? It's walking, you know. Oh, okay. Well why don't you put the mic, why don't you put the mic on the floor? Let's see if we can pick it up. Hell yeah. Oh, shit. This is a first in kill Tony history. Who better to be our first tap dancer than the styling? It's easy. It's that and easy to do. Unbelievable. So. So book me if, if this isn't a make a wish, I don't know what is. This is a beautiful thing. It's like if somebody put a woody from Toy Story in the microwave. If there's a cash fries, just, just give it to him now, right? Oh, I love it. Martin, you're enjoying Nashville? Yeah, it's cool. I just got here this afternoon. But Jesus, you got thrown right into the vortex, huh? Yeah, I just jumped in, you know, and went little out with was a whole lot of outfits, also very hot. It's very uncomfortable actually. I'll tell you what, you wear that outfit, you go right down the street here to Kid Rocks. I'll have them waitin for you. You go in there, drinks are on me, and you crush as much pussy as you want tonight. Yeah. Let's go. Merton Phillips, the show has beg. There he goes. Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody. He's got us started here tonight, and it has begun. Martin Phillips. You'll see him at Kid Rock's bar getting trashed tonight. If you're wondering what he's like when he's trashed, he walks exactly the same. There's no way to know. Hello, everyone. You know, sometimes life throws a little roast your way. Maybe it's a Google review that has you looking like a villain, a mugshot you wish never happened, or a negative article that's haunting you like an ex at a party. That's where Net Reputation comes in. They specialize in cleaning up your online messes so you can focus on what really matters. Roasting, joking, and, you know, just having fun. So if your Google search results look like a dumpster fire, let Net Reputation put out the flames. Whether it's a negative review or an embarrassing article, they'll help you bury that stuff faster. Then I can bury a heckler. Visit netreputation.com where they'll make sure the only thing that shows up when people search your name is that you're a genius. Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke. Net Reputation. Check it out right now. Uh oh, there she is. Ladies and gentlemen, we spared no expense for Nashville, Tennessee, that is indeed hiding live in the flesh. And the great Valerie, everybody. The real deal. All right, it is time for your first true bucket pool of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna meet somebody here in an arena for the first time in Nashville history on Kiltoni. And the first bucket pool tonight goes by the name of Patrick Callahan. Here we go. The heartbeat of the show, the Bucket. And it starts with Patrick Callahan. Hey, what's up, guys? Wow. Wow. Let's get this out of the way. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I am a man. I know you thought I was a lunch lady, but yeah, I am a man. But I get called ma'am a lot. I'll go to the drive through, I'll order my food, and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am? I always panic a little bit. I'm like, no, no. Then I get up to the window, they're looking at me all confused. They're like, I thought you were a lady. I'm like, yeah, she's in the trunk. I got here to Nashville yesterday, and I smoked some weed. Hell yeah. And I had the best meal of my entire life. You guys ever tried bread? You ever toasted it? All right, guys, that's me. That's it. All right. All right. Patrick Callahan. Here you are. Well done. This is it. You're in it. A big house. In the big house. Hi, Mom. Hell, yeah. What's up, buddy? Does your mom look exactly like you? She does. It's kind of. People get us confused, you know. What exactly is your. What do you eat to be shaped like that exactly? It's a very specific shape. You have the arms of a normal sized man. You have the kind of head and neck of a normal sized guy. And even the chest, I dare say, is normal size. And then all of a sudden, it gets crazy. Are you preggers? Like, what is that? This is what happens when you lose, like £100 twice and then gain it back twice. How do you. When you. Oh. A lot of people in Nashville cheer for losing and regaining weight. Hey, that's what. I guess that's a pastime here. This is incredible. Oh, my goodness. What's up? This is incredible. So how did you lose the weight? Let's start with gain the weight. Your mom's cooking. It wasn't eating pussy. Hey, it's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know. Please don't do that. All right. You're not supposed to eat the plate, too. I know, I know. Yeah, that's true. Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. You do. You look like kid Rocky Road. This is incredible. Yeah. I get melted ice cream pretty much. Thanks. Red pan. We got red band and lap band. Hey, dude. Fuck, yeah. Red ban and bread pan. That's me. I love it. How long you been doing stand up, Patrick? Almost two years. Almost two years. All of it here in Nashville? In Dayton. Dayton? Yeah. Wow. You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life. I have a lady. Okay. You do? She's in the basement. Oh, okay. I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is. Yeah. I think her name is Wendy. True. I love it. I love it. You guys live together? Yeah. What's your house? Is it a white Castle? Yeah. It's close to one, you know. Yeah. You got skyline around? You know? I love it. What do you do for work? I fix ice machines. You got to be kidding me. Swear. Pretty. Pretty cool, right? All right. Amazing. Wow. How long you been doing that for? 10 years. 10 years fixing ice machines. It's sad. Yeah, I know. That's all right. Goodness. Wow. What do you do for fun? Comedy? I don't know. I make a lot of. I produce, like, podcasts and stuff. Trying to be red band. You know, wow. You really set your standard very high. Amazing. So you fart sometimes, Is that what you're saying? Sometimes, yeah. I have a cool soundboard. Incredible. Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us? We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance. I can whistle like a train. That's kind of cool. Oh, let's hear that. All right. Terrible. All right. Fuck me. Fuck me. I know. Wow. People hated you, your train whistle. They should. It's autism, you know, Sounded a lot like a ufo, something. Yeah, yeah. Amazing, Patrick. Amazing. Well, congratulations. You did get pulled out of the bucket. What do you guys think, big or little? How many? You think big? How many? You think little? How many? You like it when comedians do good on the show? How many? You like it when comedians do bad on the show? Oh, you are evil. Let's go. Medium for you, huh? There you go. It's his first time. Oh, no. It's his first time ever. Ever getting a medium. Oh, do we got a replay of that? Oh, we have the direction direct. We have the great Anthony Giordano in the director's truck telling me that we have a replay. We love replaying when people don't catch the books. Oh, there it is, right off his hands. Let's see it there. Play a little. Give me a little goofy horn on this. Here it comes. The moment of a lifetime in an arena. Oh, my goodness gracious. Wow, look at that. If. If only it was that hard to catch diabetes. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. Amazing. Guess what? The best beer on the market just got a whole lot better. Mini Rippers are mini cans of Voodoo Rangers. Highly drinkable juice. Force IPA or Tropic Force IPA. These mini cans deliver a quick impactful hit at 9.5 ABV and are great for moderation, storage, portability, and convenience. Red band. Tony, I love Voodoo Ra Ranger Mini Rippers. You need to try them if you like your beer staying cold down to the last sip. Plus, their mini size makes them the perfect pocket beer. It's a 10 out of 10 for me, Tony. You love keeping treats in those pockets. That's right, red band. From here on out, it's mini can full throttle. Because Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers are the new go to bed to start your night with a bang. Seriously, these mini cans are fun, portable, and pack a hell of a punch. There's nothing worse than drinking a humongous beer and feeling like you ate a loaf of bread. Plus, they get warm after a while. These stay cold. Find them at a nearby store or@voodoo ranger.com I implore you, go to voodoo ranger.com hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Nicked. Look, you've heard us talk about Nicked. They've taken nicotine pouches to the next level. They're the only pouches that we use these days. My favorite flavor is citrus ice by a mile. Nick Nick is a step ahead above the other pouches. They use the best ingredients for a cleaner, more refined experience. They're made with natural coconut fiber instead of wood pulp for a smoother, better experience that won't hurt your gums. Nick pouches come in different strengths to help you hit the sweet spot. 12, 6 and 3 milligrams with a range of refreshing mint, bold fruit, and unflavored options. There's always something to keep you satisfied. And coming soon, Nicked will have a 0 milligram option so you can dial in the perfect experience to suit your needs. Whether you're trying to kick chewing tobacco, traditional smoking products, or vape, Nick flavors hit just right. All right. Bam. Tony these nicked pouches are ridiculous. They're seriously the best. I love the Nick cans come with a built in disposable lid for your used pouches, meaning no litter and no mess. Ah, it's time to upgrade to nicked nicotine pouches. Just like we did right now. Our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL n y k d pouches.com Tony and you can use this code up to three times. Don't wait. Get 35 off now at NYKD pouches.com Tony that's nickedpouches.com Tony Nick products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Ladies and gentlemen, your next Bucket poll goes by the name of A.J. jackson. Straight back to the bucket we go. We want to see what the Nashville has to offer tonight. Oh, A.J. jackson brought a human with him. Yeah, I did. Make some noise one more time for A.J. jackson. So I got high as hell the other day and started watching Forrest Gump. And I realized why that movie is so timeless. Cause women are whores and men are. Chill out, buddy. All right, so I'm a 90s baby. I'm a big fan of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I think the Power Rangers. Badass, huh? Y'all know what else is badass? Abortion. Hell yeah. I think the. I think abortion clinics are still in the Power Rangers Thunder Right, Ozzy, get over here. Ozzy, come here. Cause abortion clinics, they'll be like, dude, the patient will get out on the desk and they'll be like, you ready? You ready? And the abortion doctors, they'll go, it's aborting time. Coat hanger saver, power up, baby blaster, blah, blah, blah, blah. Go. Go kill some babies. All right, we're gonna, we're, we're gonna stop you right there. Holy. Do realize we are in the Bible belt. Yeah. Hey, the up thing is I am Catholic. Sorry, Father. All right, get why you brought the dog. Now you're gonna need emotional support after that. Sure thing. Okay, A.J. okay, let's just talk about it here. First of all, this is the first time in this show's history where the dog did a better job than the comedian. We love the dog. I see why he was trying to get away from you the entire set. Absolutely embarrassing. Yes, sir. How long have you been doing stand up comedy? A little less than a year. Little less than a year. And you came out 2025 in an arena with Forrest Gump and Power Rangers references. Those are two of my favorite things. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Still two of your favorite things. 30 years, that's called autism. Are you just call yourself autistic? Are you really self diagnosed? I don't know if you've seen our autistic people on Kill, Tony. They're autistic as. Yeah, I'm more adhd. Attention deficit horny disorder. Every time I. Most people are like squirrel. I'm like, seems like you got a lot of excuses for being just a boring normal dude. I'm autistic. I'm ADD look at my dog. I got nothing. Power Rangers. Have you been diagnosed by a doctor with any of these things? Not Dr. Right. Dr. Right. Just ex girlfriends. Not too many of those either, Tony. I bet. Aj, Kid Rock, Power Rangers and Forrest Gump. I mean, save some for the rest of us. A.J. what do you do for work? So I'm kind of unemployed, if you couldn't tell. Okay, guys, save your booze. Save your booze until I ask for them. It's psychotic to just constantly boo. No, I did. I just moved to Nashville about a month. Month ago. From where? Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay, Tul. Oklahoma. I. I really can't help you. I'm trying to get them to not boo you. Every single thing you say is terrible to say. There's nothing good about Tulsa. I get it, I get it, I get it. Do you like country music? That's. That's the Wrong answer. This is incredible. I think if we would have planned this. If I'm like, okay, I'm going to create a heel that the crowd's just going to hate. That's literally why I asked that. I'm like, I'm just gonna give him a beach ball here. I don't really like country. I don't really like hot chicken. I don't like. I don't like rainy nights and temperate days. Can we at least get an applaud for the doll? Don't. Fucking God. So creepy for you to literally spell it out like that. Yeah, you know, I was looking. So what's the deal with the dog? Is this just. He's a more. He's a support animal. He is completely not trained. No, he's just chilling. This is definitely not. He's adorable. We love him. Everybody loves him. We kind of want to save him from you. Yes, but he's not an emotional support animal. Yeah, he's just. He's just like his daddy, I guess. Ass. Wow. I think. I think that's a bomb sniffing dog. I wonder if he'll. As long as there's peanut butter on there. I wonder if he'll catch the little joke book. Do you think? Can the dog, like catch things, Aussies? Does it ever catch anything if he looks at you? Hey, if I hit the dog in the face with a joke book, I'm going to feel bad. Oh, Ozzy. Ozzy, look. Ozzy. Ozzy. Marshall. Ozzy. This dog. Ozzy, look over here. Oh, my God. You. Have you ever taken this thing on a airplane before? Well, it's never an airplane. Never an airplane. Gotta be terrifying. There's 20, 000 people here. Hey, Ozzy, look. Ozzy, look. Post for the camera. This is the least trained dog I've ever seen in my entire life. I've seen. I've seen Costa Rican street dogs that are better trained than this thing. Hey, look at this. The bounty hunter was all right. All right. You take it. Ready? Boom. Wow. He caught it. I did one thing right. Oh, shit. Ah, the poor dog. Aj, get the out of here. You don't get to fist bump Kid Rock after that. Okay, so let's have a quick chat real quick. Save the booze for when they really, really, really, really deserve them. Granted, AJ deserved it, but God damn. See Sweet Heidi like a. Like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites. Just cleanses the room like a sage princess. All right, you guys ready for bucket pool number three? Yeah. Okay, but don't boo until the 60 seconds is up. Deal. There's some people booing me, saying, don't poo. It's pretty crazy, but. All right, here we go. Remember, if you boo the whole time, the rest of the world's gonna make fun of your city for being a shitty audience. And you don't want that little insider trading information, okay? You could boo if you want to. We get paid the same amount no matter how much you boo. Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket poll goes by the name of Ryan Adam. Ryan Adam. Come on, we gotta get a good bucket pull out of. Has anybody here ever taken the Am I Gay? Test on Facebook? If not, don't bother. It's 35 minutes of gay porn, and once you get to the end, there aren't even any questions. I checked twice. My grandpa, he used to babysit me, but now I babysit him. I took him to buy some groceries, and then in the middle of the aisle he goes, $5 for a bag of durians? Back in my day, I could get my dick sucked for a dollar. I said, grandpa, you can't. You can't trick me like that anymore. There we go. Look at that. Look at that. An amazing set. Ryan Adam has arrived at the Kill Sorna Universe. Yes, sir. I love it. You stayed in the pocket. There were 10 retards that still tried to boo during your setup at the top of the set. You plowed through it. You hit your punchlines. You killed it. You did it. Our first good bucket pull of the night. Ryan Adam. Incredible. Ryan, how long have you been doing standup? I'm going on seven years. Years? Seven years. Perfect. All of it here in Nashville. I'm from Atlanta. I drove up here today. I love it. Congratulations. That's my birthday. This is your birthday today. Birthday. Happy birthday, buddy. Yeah. How old are you today? I can't tell if you're 17 or 48. I'm 30. Oh, that's 30. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. What do you do for work, Ryan? I am a. I'm a restaurant manager full time in a. I work at a sex shop part time. Oh, yeah? Selling dildos. Yeah. Is there anything new hot off the market, coming up in the sex shop? Any state of the art technology we should know about? Yeah, we got one that's called the Showstopper. Ooh, what's that? I mean, I have one in my ass right now, but tell the crowd what it is. It's just like a giant, you know, dildo, and it has like a air suction control, little jackrabbit thing on It. Air suction. Showstopper. That's what we used to call a rape whistle. Tony. I actually have this. Like, the whole thing sucks out, though. Like, it comes out of the shell too easily. Well, it's like a little air pulse jackrabbit thing. We just got those on the shelves. They're like, little. It kind of like, vibrates, but it's just like. It sucks and then it pushes air out real fast. You really have one of these? Shut the up. What do you do with it? I. I used it once, but like I said. What did you use on your butt? No, no, no. It's a. Are you talking about the suction? Never mind. He's not even paying attention. He's just so convincing. Red man, appropriately wearing his Predator shirt in honor of Russell Brand. Hell, yeah. The number 17. Ish. Okay, very good. All right, red band. He also looks like the goalie from the big green right now somehow. Okay, so, Ryan, Adam, let's talk about it. You're born and raised in Atlanta. In Atlanta? Yeah. About like, 30 minutes south, but pretty much Atlanta. Okay. Yeah. And what do you do for fun? You got a girlfriend? A boyfriend? Are you really gay? I'm not really gay, but I do have a fiance, and she's great for fun. I like to ride my dirt bikes. Oh. That's about it. I like to go moto camping, where I go out into the woods with my dirt bike and set up a little camp and stay out there for a couple nights. Hell, yeah. And then comedy. Fun fact. Comedy. Every bike's a dirt bike if you use the showstopper right beforehand. The old muddy trails. Oh, yeah. I love it. Ryan, before we get you out of here, tell us something crazy about your life or childhood or something that would surprise us about you. My childhood. My dad was really big on math whenever I was a kid. Good. Ah. Wow. A huge pop in Nashville for crystal meth, ladies and gentlemen. Crystal meth. You can't. You can't even make it up. The crowd goes wild for meth, of all things. Absolutely incredible. They. They booed almost everything all night. You mentioned meth. Once the place goes nuts. Kid Rock. You said your dad was on meth. He was big on meth. Probably had a couple Kid Rock CDs. Yeah. Big on meth. He was also a preacher, too. A Baptist preacher. Wow. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Incredible. He was breaking bread and breaking bad at the same time. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Amazing. What does he do now? He's in, like, the trucking industry. He kind of got Past all that, married a nice lady, a nice subdivision. Oh, nice manager somewhere. I love it. That's making it 30 minutes south of Atlanta. And what does your fiance do? She's a bartender. Shout out, Ali, love you, baby. Wow, look at that. That. Is she here? No, she had to work. Oh, she's dead. Yeah. Well, she's gonna love to see how good you did here tonight. In an arena in Nashville, Tennessee. We have custom made Nashville joke books by the great bonsai. Who's in attendance live in the flesh right here. There you go, my friend Ryan Adam, your first killer of the night. Wait, other than Martin Phillips, of course. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. Amazing. Guess what? The best beer on the market just got a whole lot better. Mini Rippers are mini cans of Voodoo Rangers highly drinkable juice, Force IPA or Tropic Force IPA. These mini cans deliver a quick impactful hit at 9.5% ABV and are great for moderation, storage, portability and convenience. Red band Tony, I love Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. You need to try them if you like your beer staying cold down to the last sip. Plus their mini size makes them the perfect pocket beer. It's a 10 out of 10 for me, Tony. You love keeping treats in those pockets. That's right, Red Band. From here on out, it's Mini can full throttle. Because Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers are the new go to bed to start your night with a bang. Seriously, these mini cans are fun, portable and pack a hell of a punch. There's nothing worse than drinking a humongous beer and feeling like you ate a loaf of bread. Plus, they get warm after a while. These stay cold. Find them at a nearby store or@voodoo ranger.com I implore you, go to voodoo ranger.com this podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. You know, therapy can be costly, but talk space is affordable and in network with most insurance providers. Did you know that most insured members have a zero dollar copay? That's right, Tony. Talkspace virtual therapy provider makes getting the help you need easy and accessible and affordable. I think Talkspace is providing some of the best mental health treatment out there. Huh? Isn't that nice, you sweet boy. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider. That's the right fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours. You can also switch providers at no extra cost. Talk space makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist and as a listener of this podcast. You'll get $80 off your first month with talk space when you go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80 to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to talkspace.comtony, and enter promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com Tony promo code space ACE80. And now it is time for one of the regulars of the show, your first regular of the night. An absolute sensation once in a generation. Talent that we watch, write and perform a new minute every single week. Nashville. I present to you the Nashville arena debut of Cam Patterson. Yeah. Thank you. Hell yeah. Thank you. I just realized something about myself. I don't like phone sex. I was having phone sex with my girlfriend who was on facetime and she was playing with herself and I was beating my meat. And then she was like, can I use a toy? And I was like, yeah, no problem. You can use a toy. And then she pulled out an 11 inch green dildo and I was flabbergasted. Really, dog. Understand some. I said a toy, not hoax dick, you dirty ho. It's clobbering time, Dumbass bitch. That's crazy. And like, I don't listen. I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys to use, play to herself and shit, but it has to be the same size as my dick, no bigger. And I. I've been to her house a million times. I've never seen a green dildo there ever, dawg. Where has she been hiding this bitch for me? I really. I want to go there and cut it in half and have two of my deeds mix so she can use it when she need. Like that pissed me off, cuz. Understand something. That's like me going, you know what? Can I use a toy? And I just pull out a fat white. It's clobbering time. All right. I've been camping. Hilarious. Hey, Tony, wait. I got something. Oh, yeah. You know how I failed the last time? What? A drink with. Oh, you drank it. Oh, you dirty. Oh, what did you just do? Mark you up my whole trip. Oh, sorry. I thought it was vodka. No, it's water. That's water. Oh, can we get Cam another cup of water? You are you all good? Oh, but we'll get you another water there. God damn it. That wasn't for you. What the. I'm sorry. This all good, man. I thought you were my slave. Whoa, the going on. Yeah, there too many Crackers. To say that right now, man. All right. I mean, in. In his defense, we've never seen you dress quite so slavy before. Wait a minute. This is a whole new look. You wait a minute. You came out with OJ's glove on your head. Bacon. Sort of. Yes. We got Kid Rock and Crack Rock. This was a terrible idea. I spilled something on my shirt backstage. And then, like this. My head. My. I gotta cut my hair down. My hair don't look good right now. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. A lot. Damn. This not gonna work at all. Wow. You look like a control. Every time I see it, you're like if a box of Newports was a person. This magic trick brought to you by Hennessy. Sorry about that. We got Hennessy and Tennessee. What the hell are you about to do? There is no winning this. You're about to just spill a bunch of water on a stage. Okay. Okay. Before. Okay, good. It. That is incredible. Science Bill. Not a science guy. Bill. Bill N. The science guy. Hell, yeah. I'm happy. Absolutely. I'm so happy. That word. I'm putting this. Wow. Yeah. That is incredible. You're a crazy. That's a. You are like a real magician, Cam. I'm a magic man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Magic dog. I always thought you were more of a David Copper House, not a David Copper Field, if you know what I mean. That it flew over their heads. But I got what you saying. It's a lot of math. But when it'll hit you on your drive back to Atlanta or whatever. It's closest I could get to saying the. The N word. Okay. Forget it. Anyway. Absolutely incredible. Damn your mad magic. The jokes. Mark Norman, what do you think about this guy? That was fun. I didn't. I didn't see. You're a prop guy. Yeah, I know magic. Black people love science and hate their kids, but that was really something, I gotta say. Well done. That is amazing. He's been on this magic kick. I saw him backstage. He made a whole rotisserie chicken disappear. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize my face was up there. Yeah, it's cool, right? We have state of the art technology. Oh, what the. It's actually a mug shot that we got. We took it off of Kid Rock. This is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson? He's so confused right now. Like, who is this? He's got a lot of energy, this little guy. Teeth. He looks like he's in the kitchen. This little guy. That is one way of Putting it. That is one way of putting it. This the best ever, man. Absolutely. How do you like Nashville so far? I like Nashville. Nashville, nice. I don't like all the. The bridal showers. That's gay. The what? The bridal showers and. Oh, yeah, I don't like all that. The bachelorette. Nashville. Cool, though. I f. In Nashville. Nashville, nice. Yeah. Nashville is like white Atlanta. That's what it is. Really? Yep. Yeah, it's white Atlanta. It is. Yeah, it is. A lot of these bridal showers give second and third wedding vibes. I don't know if you're feeling the same thing. Feels like very few first weddings happen. Yeah. It's nice, though. White as. That's a big lady. Hell, yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. Big lady. You guys know how to spot him? Like, Doppler radars over. He's like, big lady. Big lady. Big lady. Big lady. Oh, my goodness. Hell, yeah. Look who's got the front row. Hell, yeah. These two have the best. Pretty sure that was a compliment. Hell, yeah. I. I will her. I would. I would her. You only noticed her, cuz. You look like Kool aid. You going to hell, nigga. I swear to God, those two people have the best three seats in the. You chose the wrong show to come 30 minutes later. It's a tomato. That's crazy. I love you, white lady. That's good. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. I love you, white. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. It's good. I love it. The first bucket pool. Put a wig on and sat in the front row. You gotta love it. Absolutely incredible. A tornado and a tomato. Go. Hell, yeah. Oh, my goodness, Cam, it's amazing. That is. I can't believe you were able to get the punchline to your joke to show up to the front row. That's a Tennessee Titan this guy's got. This guy's the one that gets in between those legs every night. Yeah. Yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah. Every night. Every night. He goes from Nashville to Rashville. Oh, this is Kill Tony Tyson. Gonna say, God bless you, soldier. We love it. You know what I'm gonna do? Here's a. Here's a big joke book. Check this out. This is. This is for her. Oh. Oh. It's over. It's over. Here, here's another one. Boom. Oh. Got it. It's a good catch, Cam Patterson, you did it again. You stud. Make some goddamn noise for the young star. 25 years old, a juggernaut, and you found him right here on Kill Tone. You guys ready for another bucket pool? Here we go. We're Having fun here in the dirty south here in Nashville, Tennessee. Make some noise for your next comedian. This is without a doubt, his name is Chris Dunn, everybody. Here comes Chris Dunn. What's up, Bridgestone? How we doing? I can't believe I'm gonna say this to an arena, but it's my wife's time of the month right now. Not her period. That's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills. It's pretty emasculating. I'm the one who can't for a week. I thought moving in together would solve the problem, but our pay periods haven't synced up yet. Mine's late. Are you kidding me? Shut the upper up. Why? Boo. Yeah, she's. She's four years younger than me, My wife. Okay, never mind. All right. Wow. I mean, let's just look at the science behind what just happened here. Just for people watching, wondering how comedy works in a crowd like this, and for the. Perhaps. Where are the bucket pools at? Where the comedians at over there. Yeah. Take note, you cannot leave pauses for laughter if there is no laughter. It's my wife's time of the month. I pay the bills. I'm no comedian. Yeah, clearly. Yeah. I'm just going to go out on a limb and guess that it might not be a good idea to tell your crowd to shut the up. Sorry. No doubt about it. You kind of did everything wrong there, Chris. Sorry about that. Yeah, apologies don't matter at this point. You're in the eye of the storm, my friend. How long you been doing stand up? Under two years. Just under two years? Under two years. Well, much like your last name, I do believe your career is done now. What do you do for work? It's not good. I'm a new Uber delivery driver right now. How old are you? 34. 34. And you're an Uber delivery driver? Mark Norman. Well, at least one of your deliveries is good. So how did life end up like this? How did you end up 34, a white guy, Uber delivering. What happened? I was in bands. I did okay. I kind of started over when I started doing stand up. So I've started living shitty again fairly recently. I was all right for a minute. You don't play music anymore? Not. Not professionally, no. But what, what, what did you do when you were doing it professionally? What instrument were you playing? Drums. What type of band were you in? Mostly like rock, punk rock type bands. But you decided to not do it anymore? Didn't like it. Always wanted to do comedy and started Doing comedy. Do you think you're better at drums than you are comedy right now? Yeah. You guys think we should have a fucking Mexican drum off right now? Well, well, well. Let me explain how this works to the great Kid Rock. We have a tradition on this show where if it just so happens to be that a comedian knows how to play the drums, well, then they get a 20 to 30 second drum solo and compete with the house drummer, and they go solo versus solo. And at the end of the Mexican drum off, the crowd decides who they like more. If Chris Dunn wins, the rules are are that he becomes the new drum off drummer for Kiltoni and has to move to Austin, Texas, and literally be the drummer every week. I can already tell the crowd hates this idea. They love Michael Gonzalez. But let's see what's gonna happen. Ladies and gentlemen, going first, this is Chris Dunn. All right, he lost a stick there at one point. Doesn't get much more embarrassing than that, unless you count the set that he had earlier. All right, we got a little replay of him losing his stick. Let's see that real quick, Anthony, let's see it. Absolutely embarrassing. Everything's going okay. And then. God. Oh, and it hits him in the head. Jesus. We didn't even notice that the first time. Let's see it again. See the replay up there. It's unbelievable. I mean, even God himself is like, nope. Look at that. All right, here to defend his throne. Undefeated all time in Mexican drum offs. This is the legend himself, the one true Mexican king, Michael Gonzalez. Wow. Well, oh, boy. I mean, what can I say? There was Kid Rock noticed your bell bib Devo homage in there. How many of you have Chris done winning the Mexican drop off? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? Well, well, well. I wish there was an even smaller joke book I could give you. Chris, this is a stunning, stunning performance. Congratulations. It could have gone anyway, but it went terrible for you, Chris. Chris, that's the heart. That's the nature of the beast, the thumping heart of kill. Tony. And you are a prime example of. There he goes. Chris Dunn, everybody. And Dunn. And you hear that music, you know that the Mexican has retained victory yet again. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. Starting now, bluechew is offering a combo so strong, it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making. Bluechew Max has arrived and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis into one chewable. The combo acts fast and let me tell you guys, be ready when she needs it and get your first month of Bluechew free. Great sex is a few clicks away. Sign up@bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part? It's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. I'd love to hear more from the Kiltoni residence Expert Red Band oh hey, what's up Tony? I love Blue Chew. They're giving the best ED treatment out there. Blue Chew won't stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. That is the mission. They say there's nothing sexier than confidence and bluechew can help you with your confidence where it counts in your pants. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options@bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluetooth free. When you use promo code Tony, just pay five dollar shipping. That's promo code Tony. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Consider this your official notice. The Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday, 11th May is the day for all the moms in our lives. So let's show them how much we care. This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile and maybe even triggers a few tears with a special piece of jewelry from blue nile.com@blue nile you'll find thousands of independently graded diamonds and fine jewelry pieces at prices below your expectations. As the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Complement mom's classic taste by designing a one of a kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? Blue Niles jewelry Experts are waiting 247 via phone or chat. Chat. From tech specs to budget wrecks, they'll help you find a piece your mom will love. Red Band oh Tony, I love Blue Nile. They make such classy pieces at affordable price points. It's so easy to purchase amazing jewelry from their website. I think I might get my mom a heart diamond this Mother's Day. You the sweetest little boy. My goodness, that is so thoughtful. Red band, your gift will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside and in most cases, even delivered overnight. And wave goodbye to buyer's remorse because Blue nile also offers 30 day returns and a diamond price match guarantee. So treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease of convenience by shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to blue nile.com today. That's blue nile.com. oh, my God. Wait a second, wait a second. That's better. Feminist Stacy. Oh, my God. Wait a second. We know this lady from the first few hundred episodes of the show. Feminist Stacy, One of the famous old band members, A feminist out of Los Angeles, California. How did you become one of the bucket pole girls? Feministic Kid rock, meet clit rock. Oh, God. Oh, no. And yes, it's at least five inches. Oh, my God. I cannot even imagine what that pussy looks like. Your beard is unkempt, Feminist Stacy. I'm not taking my. My estrogen pills at the moment. Oh, Jesus. You are extra angry tonight. Look at you, you savage beast. It's amazing all the booze that we've gotten tonight. The place is completely quiet. From a feminist in Nashville. Feminist Stacy. What are you up to? Oh, well, I've been in Austin trying to support women's rights to choose, so more Kill Tony regulars aren't born. Oh, my God. Why do you make these faces? Oh, no, don't do that. Feminist Stacy. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, disgusting. Disgusting. Mark Norman, I'm gonna queep on you next. No, don't do it, Stacy. I'll do it. I'll do it. No, don't do it. Anyone else? Hard Feminist Stacy looks a lot like Jeremiah Watkins, the former bandleader of the show out of Los Angeles, California. Many global tours under his belt, now doing, of course, all of his own shows. Working with Dr. Phil, working with the goddamn comedy jam. Working with. With stand up on the spot. Really? He's part of every comedy show in the world. And it's good to see your face, bucket. Pool number five will indeed be next. How about one more time for feminist Stacy with a little I love you, Nashville? Yikes. A little blast from the past of Kill Tony. All right, your next bucket bowl makes some noise. Oh, Jesus Christ. Can't we all do this at once? All right, here they are. We're keeping it moving. Thank you, ladies. How about one more time for Heidi and Val? God damn. I mean, Heidi's ass is unbelievably ridiculous. Usually I can keep it professional and not audibly say that, but how about one more time for Heidi's ass? Everyone, you can tell America is back by the sweet cakes of Heidi's ass. All right, your next bucket pole goes by the name of Mitch Kralinger. Everyone, 60 seconds uninterrupted for Mitch Kralinger. As someone who works in the field of marine biology, sometimes people ask me about sea level rise because that's a scary thing you hear about. I have to say, I'm not really all that worried about our ocean levels, like, rising up, because for me, I just see that as job growth. You know, like, I'm just getting more to explore. My career is growing at an alarming rate of a quarter inch a year. Which, to put that into perspective, that's the same rate that my hair is falling out. So if you see me in, like, a year from now, now you can look at the top of my head and then decide if you still really want to invest in that oceanfront property. One of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that they're. One of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their sex is determined by the temperature of their nest. So if the sand is really warm, then they develop as females, and if the sand is cold, they develop as males. Because even in the world of sea turtles, male males and females cannot agree on what type. Did I go over time? No. Even in the world of sea turtles, males and females cannot agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set to. All right. Jesus Christ dork. A very oceanic set. What's your question exactly? I'm curious. What's that? You're. You didn't go over your time? You just talked about dorky ocean for 67. That's what I was worried. I got the. Are you a comic or a substitute teacher? Exactly. That was odd. How long you been doing standup? About a year and a half. A year and a half? Is all of your material that you've written ocean stuff? What the is 60% of it? Why? Because it's what I do. I like passionate about the sea, you know? What exactly about the sea are you passionate about? About? I don't know. It's what I do for a living. What do you do for a living? So I'm an aquarist, so I'm in a department called aquatic sustainability. Oh, boy. Yeah. Wow. This Is the only time I'm not a Greta Thornburg. It's not what I'm. Don't worry, I'm. Ocean life is the only time you're around something wet. So what exactly is your job? Job at the aquarium or whatever? So aquatic sustainability. It's basically trying to make, like a lot of facilities, like, more aquatically sustainable for the environment. Like oceans, like aquariums and things like that. So I'm. They hate the ocean. I mean. Yeah, nobody really gives a. It's giant bodies of water and nothing seems to really be changing drastically. Tennessee is landlocked. Yeah, I know. I used to live in Tennessee. I used to live in Tennessee. Where do you live now? I live in Atlanta. Okay. All right. There we go. Okay. What's a redeeming exciting quality about you? Is there anything that isn't aquarium related? Because much like an aquarium, you are tanking right now. I know. Like, any fun facts? I can wiggle my ears individually. Whoa. That's actually crazy. I've never heard of such a thing. Look right out there at that red light on that camera and do one ear at a time. Let's see what we got here. Kid Rock. Oh, wait, you could do it. Oh, my God. Wait, Kid Rock can do it. It. Holy. Kid Rock has 145 more talents than you. That's incredible. Kid Rock, international superstar for three plus decades is like, I got that too. My ear wiggling, I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year White Boy of the year once again. Hell yeah. Yeah. Wow. Mitch Kinger. And so you thought that some of that aquatic material was just going to crush this arena tonight? No. Okay, so you kind of were planning on doing bad. Well, you know, just chances of getting on her, you know. So I was like, well, you know, I got my marine. Let me ask you this stuff. You're here right now. You. You're still here. You're still in it. Are you glad you signed up? Yes. Okay. Well, at least you have a good attitude. Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch Kralinger, everybody. We are running out of little tiny joke books fast. Bonsai nowhere to be found. I think he might be in the back sewing some up right now. This is unprecedented, the amount of little joke books that are going out. We get to take a break from bucket pools for just a moment. And this is a very special moment, ladies and gentlemen, because this spot was given out to this person many, many months ago. Because it was decided as soon as we knew we were doing the Bridgestone arena in Nashville that this specific all time great golden ticket winner, deserved a spot. Here she is, from Nashville, Tennessee, one of the all time great golden ticket winners. Her first time here at Bridgestone Arena. Make some noise for the great and powerful Fiona Colley. Wait a second. She looks better than ever. That's Heidi. Oh, one more time for Fiona calling. Hell, yeah. So I did recently get engaged. I really use the hell out of my. Make a wish. I'm marrying John Cena. Oh, my God. No. My fiance, he is like, a good bit older than me and they only like, like, okay. The only real difference I've noticed there is when I give him roadhead. I guess all head I give is kind of roadhead. When I give him road ahead, though, he will turn his hazards on like, what the fuck? Saved you first. Yeah. Thank y'all so much, Fiona Colley. Let's check in with Mark Norman first. Well, I gotta say, you suck dick. You're in a wheelchair. You're like Stephen Hawk. Tua. Boom. Holy shit. That is without a doubt your Doritos joke of the night, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Fiona, Fiona. How amazing is this? You're here in your hometown, down the street from your home club. You have some family in attendance, I do believe. You look fantastic. Thank you. Life is perfect. Kid Rock, born and raised. Nashville, born and raised. Yeah. You know, we call that here. She's a unicorn, right? Yeah, goddamn right. Kid Rock, meet Kid Roll. Let's see, if you guys were in a band, that would be the name. Rock and Roll. Oh, yeah. Rock and Roadhead. How exciting that you're officially engaged. I know. That's amazing. Anyone can do it. Okay. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Is your. Is your father gonna roll you down the aisle? No, I think I'm just gonna, like, army crawl or something. The best. This is what of those moments that can only happen on this fucking show. Just magical dialogue. And he's older, right? So you'll both be in a motorized scooter soon. Yeah, I'm excited to teach him how to use it. Hell yeah. I love it. Seriously, though, is your father in your life? Is that how that works? Does he kind of like, is he just gonna hold your joy stick and push it slightly forward and walk alongside of you? How does this work exactly? No, my mom will walk. Walk me down the. Yeah. Aisle. Okay. Perfect. Yeah. Well, we have good news for you. We are here at Bridgestone arena, and the great people at Bridgestone have donated a new set of tires for. It is incredible. So you can go through any type of weather. Ice. If the snow tries to stop you, you will plow right through. Is incredible. Wait, is your dad not around? He's somewhere. Oh, geez. He really missed out on some parking. Yeah, it's a really good point. And when did. When did your dad. Was he ever part of your life? He was. Yeah. And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road. Yeah, kind of. Really? Oh, geez. I was kidding. Oh, my God. Every once in a while I ask a question, you just find out the sad truth all together. No. E. E. You know, why don't you. I bet he ends up watching this. Why don't you look at that camera and talk? Tell your dad exactly I'm okay. Oh, him? Yeah. Yeah, he. He's somewhere. I heard recently. He said I stopped speaking to him because I got famous, but. Oh, I like that. Good for you. Spicy. Let's change the narrative. Yeah, I like that storyline. Goddamn right. He didn't walk out on you. You rolled out on him. No, I army grawled away from him. Fiona, you are an absolute fucking icon. You are. I mean, in this little Kill Tony universe, you might be one of the most beloved people. And tonight you came out fucking guns a blazing and absolutely crushed it. I've been so looking forward to this for you, and it's awesome. You did it. The American dream. How loud can this place get for the great Fiona Cauley, huh? We can stand. Hot wheels. All right. I mean, that standing ovation was a little offensive. All right, I do believe we have a bucket pool in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a one word name. Make some noise for Maniac, ladies and gentlemen, Maniac. It's a one word name. This should be interesting. All right, actually, this is Matt Adkins. They weren't able to find Maniac, I guess, and they handed me the piece of paper. So this is Matt Adkins. One more time for Matt Adkins. Yeah, so I've been doing comedy for about a year and a half, give or take. And you know, people, they ask you, how do you come up with jokes? What's your writing process? Sorry, I'm out of breath. But. And I tell them, well, it's pretty simple, man. It's a lot like my ex. You know, after a few drinks, they really start hitting me, you know? You know, I'm built kind of like Bugs Bunny, but, you know, I eat more than carrots. I eat ass. Yeah, you eat ass? Hell yeah. I also kind of look like Jesus if he sold fentanyl, you know? Yeah. I don't get it like he's kind of gaslighting us, talking about, oh, I came back from the dead in three days. Fuck. Whatever, dude. We do that nowadays. No problem. We got Narcan, dude. It's the big fucking deal. He needs to come back down here and see things have changed a little bit. That's it, I guess. Matt Adkins, welcome to the show, Matt. Thank you so much, Tony. How long you been doing stand up? A year and a half, give or take. Where at all here in Nashville? I go to Nashville. I go to Huntsville. I started in Venue 220 in Pulaski, where the KKK was founded. Oh, wow. Very exciting. Kid Rock is hard as a rock right now. What do you do for work? Well, I'm a painter. I paint. Not, like artistry, but, like, houses and stuff. Commercial. Whatever. Whatever you got. Okay. Absolutely. What do you do for fun? You look like you have some interesting habits. I mean, I kind of like to do any. A lot. I mean, I'm a skateboarder. Fucking. I'll go hiking. I'll fish. Oh, yeah. I'm like an ATV as a person, you know, all over the place. Okay. I really love it. How about drugs? You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin. Let's see. Acid mushrooms. One time in Indiana, I did a Suboxone. I almost fucking died. Tell us about that. Yeah, so I was like, with me and the homies, we. I won a contest at Hardee's. I worked at Hardee's. And, yeah, one of the people there was like, dude, sign up. You might fucking get on. I was like, I ain't no way. But here, you know what? If I do, I'll take you with me. I got on and then we was at the hotel, and he's like, man, we need some weed. And I was like, dude, I'll find us some weed. Watch a dude come walking out. And the way he walked out, he had that I'm a dealer walk. And I was like, he's got it. So I went over there and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dude's out of town. But I got these Suboxone strips, and I don't know. What did it make you feel like? For about 10 minutes, I felt really good. We were. I was rapping Tech9 in the trunk and. Hell, yeah, and a few other things. I was hanging out with this dog named Chico at the hotel, and then. Was the dog real? Yeah, the dog was real. Some old lady's dog. And then, shit, I don't know. We went to Wendy's and I think that's where it went downhill. Ah, I got a frosty and that made me throw up. And that's actually happened to Red Band. He just overdosed on the Wendy's one day. Oh, got a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy? Come on, come on. I love it. Tell us the craziest thing about your life. That other than your near overdose, I got my hair ripped out by a drill, which was. I thought it was my shirt too. I didn't even know. And my headphones, but shit, I don't know. I got struck by lightning kinda, I guess. Oh, some. You got struck by lightning? Yeah, well, it hit the house and I was hanging on to the back when refrigerators and freezers were separate. I was hanging out in my Spider man costume. And that's when I found out don't fuck with Electro. You know, I swear to God, I was in a spider man costume and it hit the house. I was like. And I. I swear to God, I flew from here to probably that stair set right there. Dude, up against the wall. I never felt nothing like that. No power like that before was crazy. Did. Did it change you? Did you notice a difference? Did it give you any special powers or anything? I feel like I could move quicker after that. Can we see how fast you can. Can you put the mic in the mic stand and show us some of the quick movements that you can do? Yeah. Look out, LeBron. Wow. Dude, you gotta start a cult. Okay, dude, I've been told that I could be a cult leader. Actually, I'm not even playing. Oh yeah, I can see that's the third person now within a week that's told me that. Just thinking about the thought of like. Can I get a fist bump from. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, bro, you're like Charles Manson but without all the ladies, right? Yeah. And he killed. All right, Matt Atkins, I like your style. Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend. Lightning does strike twice. Another drop joke book by Matt Adkins. All right, we finally wrangled a one word name all the way from section 104. Roby seat 12. We thought we had. What was that mark? You throwing plates over there? Trying to get into the crowd, but the wind caught it. This podcast is brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months. On average, companies take 277 days to report a breach. That's nine months where hackers have access to your personal data, your name, address, phone number, even your Social Security number before you even know it's out there. Think about it. Nine months is enough time for criminals to open accounts in your name, rack up debt and disappear. All while you're left dealing with the mess. And when the company finally tells you it's too late, the damage is already done. Data breaches aren't slowing down, they're getting bigger, and the delays in reporting them aren't helping. Right now, your personal information could already be on the dark web and you wouldn't even know it. How long do you want to wait before taking action? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users, phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura goes the extra mile by scanning the dark web for your sensitive info and alerting you instantly if anything is bound. And if ID theft strikes, no need to panic. Aura's US based 24.7broad resolution team works around the clock to fix it fast and get you back on track. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker, opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information, a password manager to help you create and store strong password passwords and more. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a U r a dot com defense. Certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details. Details McDonald's meets the Minecraft universe with one of six collectibles and your choice of a Big Mac or 10 piece McNuggets with spicy nether Flame sauce. Now available with a Minecraft movie meal at participating McDonald's for a limited time. A Minecraft movie only in theaters. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long awaited Maniac. Ladies and gentlemen, the Kill Tony debut of Maniac Fun Fact I'm not racist. In fact my ex wife is black. We were married for eight years, three kids together and just because I hate that bitch doesn't mean I hate all black people. It's case by case. Another fun fact I used to my couch. Oh, you? Yeah. When I was a kid, I'd fuck the shit out of that couch. The problem is, I trained on this couch, and the cushions go straight up and down just like this. And that's how I trained. I'd lay on top and punch straight down. So when I got my first piece of pussy, my angles were off. Pussy's more of an upshot. Right. So I had this poor girl laying on the bed, and I'm just laying on top of her, and I'm just stabbing straight down and just the out of the crease between her thighs. And I'm just giving it to her for like, 30 seconds. And then she stops me and she says, hey, guy, it's not even in. And I had already finished. Wow. Maniac. Holy. Look at the energy on this guy. Incredible. Mark Norman, what do you think? Was the couch still at the Raymore and Flanagan when you it? Nor was it. Every time, baby. Every time. Wow. Was it a black couch? Yes, absolutely. Leather. You know the one. Oh, leather. You know the one. All right. Couch too. Maniac, you are energized. Are you on Adderall or something? No, sir. No, sir. Just manic. This is just natural. Yeah, you're manic. Yeah. Do you have high highs and low lows? Absolutely, yes. Often did these manic episodes happen for you? My wife would have to tell you specifics, but pretty much every week, you know, we grind. And then, of course, exciting stuff like this. Bro, I'm manic as a. Right now. How y'all doing? Wow, I love it. You're very honest. A lot of people that come up here with bipolar disorder are not aware of it at all. Yeah, yeah. He's got ups and downs, sometimes drum. So let's talk about it. How long you been doing stand up? Four months next week. Four months. Wow. Sir, you, sir, you, sir, one of the least experienced comedians out of everyone, yet somehow you stayed in the pocket delivering your stuff. Super into it. Yes, sir. You didn't lose traction. Nothing threw you off at any point. What do you do for a living? I do H vac, Commercial and industrial. Yes, sir. Okay. And you said that you're married, which is very surprising. Married with seven kids. You have seven kids? Holy. Wow. Wow. Oh, my God. Got manic last weekend and build him a treehouse because that's what we do. Wow. How old are your kids from? So we got 18, 14. Soon to be 13, 12, 11, 10, and 6. Wow. This is amazing. How's the 18 year old turning out? She's doing fucking awesome. Got her own job. Wow. She's going to college? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Real regular college? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Wow. You must be so proud. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's amazing. Damn 7 kid, you're like Elon Musk without the. Yeah. The money. Just a bunch of rusty parts in the yard. Yeah, yeah. This is, this is feline Musk. Wow. So what do you normally do when you have this kind of manic energy? When you're not building tree houses or doing stand up? What do you do with it? So I pretty much grind seven days a week. I work for the greatest company, Southern mvp. And then I work for myself on the weekends doing H Vac, residential and all that, you know. And then I got a lot of hobbies, Boxing, comedy, you know, doing with my kids. Like I stay busy. Is it positive. Let's see some shadow boxing for Maniac. I gotta see it. I want to see your form. Put that mic in the mic stand there. Let's see what we got. Whoa. He's a southpaw, huh? Okay. All right. Little tippy tappy. All right. Incredible. You're fighting. Who was she? A big girl. Incredible. Wow. No smoke. What's the how do you as a father? Because I cannot picture you as a father to an 18 year old girl. Yes. Wow. Has she ever brought any boys home or anything? No. She's gay. Yeah. We rocking out to Harvard. Yeah. She came home. She's got a wonderful girlfriend. I love her to death. Right, right, right, right. She came to me about two, three years ago and she was like, daddy, I'm gay. You know, I hope, I hope this doesn't freak you out. And all I heard was no dick. And so. Wow. You know what I mean? It's all a father can really ask for. I love it. You talk about that on stage? No, not yet. Just now. You should. That's great. And it's personal to you? Yes, sir. Amazing. Amazing. So you were truly pleased when she told you that she was. Absolutely, absolutely. I love all my kids. Let me ask you this, what's your oldest son's age? He's 14. 14. So what would you say if the 14 year old boy told you that he was gay? I'd be freaked out if he was interested in touching anybody. No, no, not if he was gay. My 14 year old's autistic. He battles epilepsy. He don't let no one. He only let nurses touch him. So if he ever like wanted a connection with anyone in that kind of way, we would celebrate it. Absolutely. You know, know, heart swallowed maybe, but we would celebrate it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You said he suffers from epilepsy? Epilepsy, Yeah, I. I suffer from speaking weird. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe where it comes from. I like your style, Maniac. It's incredible. We got one big joke book for you, buddy. Sir, yes, sir. Got it. Appreciate you, big dog. Let's keep it moving along before we get back to this bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, I must warn you, this place is about to get very loud. I'm bringing up another regular and it's a very special regular indeed. This man has been an icon in the show's history, and soon, I'm sure we will be able to get him his United States citizenship. But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin. Ari, mate. I was walking home last night and guys will notice feeling, you know when you're walking late at night and you're like behind a woman you don't know and you're walking the same direction and there's that tension. She turns left, you turn left, she turns right, you turn right. And you're kind of in a rush, but you also don't want to seem like an assailant. It gets really strange, you know, when you notice that she knows you're there as well. The body language changes a little bit. They start clutching the bag, warming up the hamstrings, and then there's a really tense moment, you know, like when they finally look. And now you, like, gotta try really hard to not walk like a rapist would. A rapist do this? Then you take an alternate route and then you reappear from another street. You gotta be like, don't worry, I just live where you live. Thank you so much. Boom. Ari Matti. For the record, with a new minute, 55 seconds, this guy never misses, never takes a show off and goes above and beyond. Basically doing two sets at once. Almost a two minute long set. Of course, we let our regulars go as long as they want. Ari, how the fuck did that feel? You just did it again. But thank you. To be honest, I was kind of stressed back there. Huh? I love it. When I. The show started, they started booing. I was like, oh, dear God. If they bore near this act out, I'm. Huh. I love Nashville. Second time here for me. Oh my God, what a place. Tell us what. What do you love about it? The beautiful women, they got them. You got white girls that got some badonka dunk here. They do. I love that you notice that. Just A fucking. And I love the cellulite on your ass. I love is filled those craters would come. There is a very real thing that happened. That Hattie B. Ass. Yep. There's a belt. There's a big white girl ass belt. I noticed it because I'm from Ohio. And then when we went to la, everybody from Ohio that moved to California noticed that there's a fucking flat drop off. Girls from California tend to have no ass. No ass. California, no ass. Right. No ass. Built Texas. They got good asses. But here and here and up into Ohio. I'm sure Kid Rock actually knows. He actually probably has a map from his. A pirate ship like map of what white girl's asses sizes around the globe. And the jean shorts cut off with the boots. Very nice. The jean shorts. Oh yeah, we love the jean shorts. That hand was sticky. You got to love it. Where are my white girls with jean shorts and fat asses tonight? Anyway, this girl's raising her hand. How are we supposed to believe that? Get on your. Get on your chair, you slut. I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass. I guess everyone is. No one's beating our sweet little tomato pie up here. Hell yeah. Hey, Kool Aid. I love it. Kid Rock. Oh, my God. Such a big fan. Such an honor to meet you. I love you. Thank you. I love. We both say the N word. I love it. It's God's country. I love it. I love that the little boy church shirt you got ready to. Right. That's nice. It's my Def Jam shirt today. I saw it at the store. I was like, it's Def Jam time. I thought it was picture day. It's like a Cosby sweater. 80s Gap commercial, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a wild shirt. Would you get that from what, a vintage store or something? Yeah. I was at a secondhand store and I was skeptical because it looks so big and. But then I watched Def Jam all day. I was like, if. If they can pull it off, I got it. You know, saying I love it. I love it. I can't wait to get like a onesie with my face on it. You know what I'm saying? You know that Def Jam bam. People will buy that. That's merch. Yeah. What else do you have fun up your sleeve here in Nashville. Any other big plans? I don't know. You've been eat. Eating good while you're here. Yeah, it's that chicken. They love the chicken. They love the fried chicken. Everything that gives you diarrhea yeah, Nobody has a. Nobody has a solid shit in Nashville, huh? No. There's no abortion here, but you got the miscarriage with the food. You just pee out your butt. It's Bourbons tacos, barbecue. It is a healthy flow here. You know, normally you go on the road and your body kind of clenches up a little bit, you know, you tend to retain. If you're a comedian out on weekends, it takes a day or two for you to come up with a solid. Not in Nashville. Country fried steak and eggs at the Sun Diner. My favorite breakfast here in Nashville. And right afterwards, both times today and yesterday, I'm just speeding back to the hotel. It is unbelievable. They got that gumball. They really? Yeah. Got the gumbo ball. Yep. But no porn here on my phone. No, no. Crazy, right? What the is that? I didn't know what to do, so I. I bought a gun. I love it. All right, Maddie, you are a goddamn superstar. You did it again. You did it again, folks. The juggernaut, the Estonian assassin, Ari Matty. We're trying to get him his American citizenship. It's a lot harder than you think it would be. You could probably make a call, right? Kid Rock knows the guy. Ooh la la. Heidi and Val, absolutely killing it tonight. Time for bucket pool number eight, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Ryan Sharp, everybody. Here we go. You guys still having fun out there? Here he is, Ryan Sharp. How are we doing tonight? It's weird. I'm 23, I'm from Pittsburgh, and I went with a roommate. And it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate because some nights I'll be at work and I work overnight, so I don't get home till 2am and they'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter. Don't forget to clean up after yourself. Feels like living with a wife sometimes. And other times I'll wake up at 1:30 in the morning and I'll open my door and. And he'll just be standing there looking at me like that, like, hey, does this look infected to you? But it's okay. It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine. Yikes. So Ryan Sharp, basically saying that, blah, blah, blah, blah, you have a roommate and your roommate showed you his butthole once. You could have done that in five seconds. It took you 60. Okay, you're 23. How long have you been Doing stand up about a year year. Amazing. So is that your best joke? Yeah. Really? I've never claimed to be good at this. I, I got, I. Do you have anything shorter? Do you have like one short joke? Do you have like something that's like 10 or 20 seconds long where it's like. How is that possible? You must have one joke that has nothing to do with your roommate just showing you his butthole. I'm rooting for you here. I'm trying to help you. 23. There must be something, right? You got a one liner or something? Shut the up. With who booze a 23 year old, you fucking dorks. Shut up. Shut up. None of you chased your dreams at 22, so stop being a. Okay, Stop it. You can boo the 40 year olds that have been doing it eight years, but don't boo a 23 year old one year in. And that's coming from me. You got a short joke, pull your dick out. Okay, we're going to create you a short joke right now just by asking you the right questions about your life. You ready? You just gotta answer honestly. You're 23. Did you go to school? No, I dropped out of college. No. 10th grade. Okay, sweet. You dropped out of 10th grade. What made you drop out of high school at 10th grade? The prison system. Tell us more. Whoa. I was a really bad drug dealer and I got arrested in school. And how did you get arrested? Some kids like, oh, his backpack smells like weed. And they searched me and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack. Yep, that'll do it. Have you been selling drugs since then? No. No. That made you stop? Yeah. Did you go to the juvenile justice system? Yeah, I was there for about three years. Three years? Yeah. Oh my God. It's like the Lil Wayne of lil kids. That's incredible. They put you in juvie for three years? Yeah. Fuck. How old were you when you got caught with the weed in your backpack? 16. 16. And they kept you there until you were 19? Yeah. Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday. You were like the oldest kid in juvie? No, not really. Really? Yeah. I've never even heard of such a thing. Keeping a 19 year old in that system. Okay, all right, so you're a shitty drug dealer. What do you do for work now? I'm a manager at Chipotle. Hell yeah. Let's talk about it. Hell yeah. How long have you been a manager at Chipotle? About six months. Where is the Chipotle? Pittsburgh. Yes. Most of the people that work for You. Are they white? Mexican, Mostly black. Okay, we're getting closer now. We're almost to the joke. Can you guys feel it? A lot of black people working for you at a place. Place. And what's that like, Ryan? Feels good to have. No, I'm joking. I love it. He stopped himself and said, I'm joking. You did it. That's a joke. Feels good to have black people working for you, doesn't it? Indeed it does. When you tell them what to do, do they always listen to you? You seem like you'd be kind of easy to bully. No, they. They listen to me. I'm the most well rounded manager we have. When you say you're the most well rounded manager, I mean in more way than one. Yeah, sure. But what are the other managers like? Brain dead and. Wow. Let me be the first to tell you, you're fine. You no longer work at Chipotle. That's a wrap. That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage. Okay. You get free burritos. Yeah. Nice. Hell, yeah. If you couldn't tell, that's all I eat is food from work. Absolutely. What do you do for fun, Ryan? You're 23. You're into Pittsburgh. What do you do when you want to get wild? I. My buddy's actually a comic that I'm here with, and I record a lot of his stuff and I go out and do open mics and support all. All the bros and. Sure. Other than comedy, is there something else that you're into any other hobbies? Music. What do you do musically? I produce music. Yeah. Do you ever. Not as much anymore. But what do you do? You sing. What was that? You ever sing? No, no. What do you do exactly? I just make beats and mix and master. All right. Incredible. Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you besides this. This has to be up there. Come on, Ryan. This is what you want. I can't think of anything. Virgin? No. All right. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do? Have you ever done a trick that works for you? You have any special things you do to please a woman in the bedroom? You sure that's called sexual harassment nowadays? No, not. Not if she consents. Ryan, I'm saying that when you're having sex with a consenting woman, do you have any tricks or anything that you do? Any special maneuvers? The Eater burrito bowl. Yeah. Yeah. I pour the burrito, I take the burrito, and I empty it out and then eat it out of her. That's my Special. Go to Christ, Ryan. You are crazy. See this? This is wild. Do you love doing stand up? It's a fun hobby. I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway. It's just for the love of it. It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself. There you go. I guess that's about as good as it's gonna fucking get with the styles of Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Is any woman willing to fuck him? There's a dude that raised his. A couple dudes raise their hands. One guy. Sorry, buddy, I tried. Can't believe. Can't believe he's not luring those black chicks from work back to his apartment with those sick beats. He's probably been Ryan Clark. Sick beats. That is something to imagine, ladies and gentlemen. It's perfect. This. That. That set was pretty lackluster because I have something on deck that you're not going to believe. Not only is this one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, he also happens to be one of only three living members of the Kill Tony hall of Fame. This is a very special surprise drop in from Kill Tony Legend, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. One of the greatest roasters on planet Earth. This is David Lucas. Yeah, I'm sick of this body positivity. They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo, and even she was tired of being a fat bitch. She lost weight. They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year. And I'm a fat person. I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers, you know? Y'all saw that shit where that fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car. It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber. You should have ordered a tow truck. You know, you can't let nobody that size get in your car. That bitch get in your car. Your oil like, come on, man. That's. If she would have tried to get into my car, I would have turned into a Japanese granddaddy. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Too big. You big size. I love Nashville is full of white women. Yeah. I feel like if I don't white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain. All right, that's my time. They be looking. So Kill David Lucas. Yeah. Martin Luther King size comedy. Look at Tony. You got on Netflix without showing your. I'm surprised. I was like, I know they going to have this topless on the first episode. Hell yeah. Your sweat is streaming everywhere right now. You got on that. That can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you sweating. Kid Rock. What's up, Kid Rock? What's happening, bro? Kid Rock, of course, friends with the greatest president of the United States of America. A fun fact about David Lucas that you might not have guessed by looking at him is, is that David, surprisingly, is right wing, right thigh, and right breast. David's been up to the house. Yeah, yeah, I've been to your house, Kid Rock. You a partying motherfucker, bruh. You actually look dehydrated today. Somebody. He was at the house last night. We had fun last night at the Southern White House. David was at the Southern Waffle House. God damn, Tony, we you the only that took his pants off when he walked in the Kids Rock House. They got asses out. I love it. David, you are a beast. Hell yeah, bro. How you. How you been enjoying Nashville? Oh, bro, Nashville dope, bro. Got to hang out with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last night was in that. The 5:00am dog. You know, we were. Yeah, Kid Rock is the most partying. And we found out he only has two jokes that he says all night. Look at him. Kid Rock, you need an iv Nigga, you don't look all right, bro. You look like David Spade with aids. Hell of a week. Kid Rock look like the TEU version of Randy Johnson. I look like Brad Armpit. Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you got to drop it in water for it to expand you. You look dehydrated. Your ass need a sip of water. Somebody bring this a liquid iv Man, I don't like white trash Ellen. Great. Tony was the only girl to come to Kids Rock House and not get. I got lucky. I. I got out of there. Just don't know that. Yeah, couple of more beers, boy, them but goddamn cowboy boots would have been on the nothing. Yeah, mark, Kid Rock's got a lot of women, but David was the only one whipped last night. No. Can I tell the joke? Can I tell the joke? Driving up to Kid Rock's house? Sure. All right. If I tell it, it's not racist. So I'm. I'm the only black person in this suburban driving up to Kid's Rock Southern Mansion, right? And I noticed that I was the only black person after we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve, and I'm like, damn, it ain't no other niggas in the car. Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now. And Tony was like, we actually brought you to fight his other one. I was like, can't run that one. Oh yeah, there's Bojangles unchained. Mark you got on Capri pass. Shut your ass up. You got your ankles out like Heidi. What the wrong with you? You miss it, Ari? Maddie was wearing your shirt from eighth grade. It is true. We went from Ari Maddie to re fatty. This is incredible. Tony, shut the up. You look like you about to assassinate a with the pressure coming out of your ass. I put a 7662 round in that ass, boy. You can shoot a from a half a mile away. I know. Be silent. All you hear is drop dead. Oh, what a wild. I thought K was going to talk more tonight. All the we was talking last night. Oh well, it's a. It's a school night. It is. I have a show tomorrow. I don't drink before show, so I'm a little. Oh yeah yeah yeah. This nigga heart don't start beating till tequila touch his tongue. It is fitting that you're here at Bridgestone arena since you are burnt rubber. I do it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. Well, you got skid marks on the front of your draws, nigga. Tony, you look like the type of man that let other people fart in your pants. I don't know what it means, but it was funny. David's been eating lunch at Hattie B's and dinner at hepatitis B's. Tony looking like the type of to get in bed with a big T shirt and a bowl of ice cream. You're killing me tonight. This is a one sided victory for you. Hell yeah. It's like we sitting on the opposite sides of the car. You know what I'm saying? Kid Rock. That's my. What's up, Bobby? What up? Yeah, go for it. Come on. Call them. What you want to call them? The nword. I'm just joking. Don't do it, Mark. Don't get that man in trouble. He don't give a. I was just around. Kid Rock's the only white person to put the N word on an album. And nobody says that's how badass he is. No, no. Political correctness zero. The American dream. The first amendment at its final finest. But that makes you free, dog. You ain't like the rest of these gay ass artists that can't even sleep at night. You're free. It's true. Thank you. You're free too. Now Mark looked like he would have owned the only slave plantation the whole. A plantation full of RuPaul. I don't know. David Lucas. Yes, sir. Ladies and gentlemen. Yes, sir. You know what time it is? Done it again. You are a legend, the hall of famer, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. One more time for the great and powerful king of the roads, David Lucas, everybody. The man, the myth, the legend. We are flying through it. We're almost there. Let's get another bucket. Pull up, make some noise for Max Tidy, everyone. Max Tidy. The Kill Tony debut of Max Tidy. There's Heidi and here's Max Tidy. Hey, so I. I seen a video of a guy killing a bear with a blow dart gun the other day. Yeah, Cuz that's what pops up when you type in guy blows bear. Nashville. We shave our balls in here. We shaving our balls. Yeah, yeah. I like to do mine with the straight razor. Act like I'm holding my dick hostage. I start saying weird shit and I'm like, you know how I got these scars? My dick looks up like circumcision. Oh, man, you guys, this crowd probably doesn't have to imagine, but imagine getting into the Klu Klux Klan and finding out you're not a racist. How embarrassing is that? You gotta get the tattoo covered up. Just says J K, K, K A solid. Cool. I'll take that on a good note. Sup, Max Tighty. Welcome to the show. How's it going? Good. How long you doing stand up comedy? Nine years. Where at? South Bend, Indiana, mainly. Wow. Is that. That's where you still live? Yeah. Why? What made you stay in South Bend? A child. Okay, you made a child? That happened. Oh, are you dating one? Oh, I'm not Kid Rock, bro. Man, it takes a set of ball with the balls to make a joke like that. You've seen the crowd he's been running with. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, man. Epstein's Island. It's a joke. Okay, Dude, My family loves Kid Rock, bro. My family loves Kid Rock. Max, you better show goddamn respect to the King himself. Give it up for K Rock. Let him hear it. Come on. Well, you don't need to do that. They already love them a lot of hosting. Your turn. You're okay, Max. Is that your real name? Max Tidy. Max Tidy. What do you do for work? I work at a dispensary. Okay, how old's your kid? Six years old. Six years old and you're able to Support yourself and the kid off the dispensary job? Yeah, we've been doing the thing. Me, me, me, me, me, me. All of it in Indiana? That's legal there? I. I work in Michigan. I just recently moved to Indiana. Okay, so you drive up to Michigan? Yes. And you work there. How long's your drive? Daily? It's like half an hour. Yeah. And what were you doing before the job at the dispensary? I worked at a whiskey distillery. Okay. All right. Gateway occupations. Uh huh. And have you ever thought about. Are you still with the mom? No. Okay. Does she have visitation rights? Yeah, we, like. We have, like, a schedule set up. Okay. And how often do you have the kid? I get him like, for my two days a week, and then like every other Sunday. Then like once a quarter, I get them for a week straight. Talking about, like, my visitation rights right now. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. That's the decision that I made. I like that Kid Rock. Assuming those are super supervised. Is it? Dude, my dad loves you, bro. Why do you keep saying that? Everybody's dad loves kid. Rocking the obvious. That's a good point. Half the country. Yeah. Okay, Max, what do you think's the most interesting thing about you? You've seen this show before? You understand the interview portion of this show a little bit? I. I don't know about the most interesting thing. I could make them not like me more. Okay. Do it. If that's what you're. Can I do one more? Can I do one more bit? I mean, it's a. How long's the bit? It's like 30 seconds. 30? Maybe 20. 20? Let's make it 20. Let's make it 20. Have you guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? You guys heard everybody bad about these pirate guns? The R15? Oh, God. Yeah. I think they're mad about the shooting at that pirate bar, the Sandy Hook. Okay, we're gonna save you. Here's a medium joke book. There goes Max Tidy, everybody. Oh, there he goes. We have a special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. We're running a little bit ahead of schedule here, so I'm gonna get this guy up here. He is not a golden ticket winner. He is not a regular, but he is a developed character on the show. Make some noise. This is the Nashville arena debut of. Uncle. Y'all can tell I was probably addicted to cocaine at some point in my life, and I quit. But summer's coming, so we'll see. You know, we'll see. It sucks quitting. You're great at. Listen, I'M great at cocaine. I can turn a Sunday Funday into a no call show no Monday in a month the instant you hear me. But I had to quit. I started smoking pots. And this little hippie here, and she. All right, shut up. Listen, she smokes. This called dabs. You ever done dabs? Well, listen, for those. Y don't know what dabs are, is the highest rated thc that basically when you smoke dabs, it gives you down syndrome for the rest of the week. Week. Okay? He got to do that day. Not going to get to it, all right? And then she wants to get all sexual with me. She's like, hit me with that horse, daddy. And I'm like, first off, who talks like that, you know? Second of all, you're going to be lucky to get My Little Pony, you know, cuz I got cerebral pals be at this point. She goes, hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? I go, nuh. My mom's coming to get me. Don't worry about it. My name is Uncle Laser. Y'all been great, Uncle Laser. Coming from a place of experience and honesty, talking about what he knows. Very real stuff. This is the real guy. Live in the flesh. This is who he is. This is what he does. He keeps a harmonica on him at all times and a pair of outfielder sunglasses. He is an actual gas station. A gas station visiting human being rocking the stone cold muscle shirt right at home here in Nashville, Tennessee. It's a beautiful head of hair. Thank you, ozan. Thank you, Mr. Mark. Like a. Like a homeless. Pat McAfee. Dollar General. I'll take that. I take that. Hell yeah. How you been enjoying Nashville? Long. It's a good time. A lot of country folk out here. Good time. Just trying to put the country. You know what I'm saying? What are we talking about? Hell yeah. Yeah. How's it been going for you? Any wild nights? What you been doing, Tony? I mean, I know we're in Nashville and this is more of an Austin ref, but I think I found out who the Randy street wrangler is. Okay, for those y'all don't know there's a serial killer in Austin. He done killed like 30, like, boys that fit my description to a T. But the other night, there's a little girl I see, a little nighttime ballerina. And she calls me and she goes, hey, if I give you three $500, you come over here and me in front of one of my clients while he watches. And I said, is that gonna be cash or check? You know, And I went. And I get there and he's wearing. He's wearing a diaper, like an adult diaper. And I'm thinking when I drive there, I'm like, he's probably some decrepit old man, you know, just trying to live out a sexual fantasy. When I get There, he was 6, 8, 285 pounds and he was non verbal. He just looked at you real weird. He sounded like a diesel engine when he opened the door. And I had to fuck my best friend while he washed. Watched in a corner to the greatest hits of Creed. And I didn't know they had a Spotify playlist for cuckolding music, but. Son of a. What? What? Jesus Christ. Wide open with. Wide open. Oh, three foot nine with a ten foot dick. You know I'm talking about old son. Hell yeah. All right, Uncle Laser, get. Getting to perform in front of Kid Rock. This is my idol. I know. This is my. I don't know. I'm nervous as right now. No, thank you. It's good to. Don't be weird. This is incredible. This is like if David Lucas got to perform for the Kool Aid Man. Laser, I love it. You were on the. You were on the. The final part of the. My depth chart here, and you came in swinging, crushing. Great stuff, Uncle Laser. Thank you, Tony. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Nashville. I thought I was done with the bucket, but then we realized we have not had a female comedian yet tonight. So I went through about 50 names until I found one. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket poll of the night here. Finally, first female comedian of the night. Make some noise. One minute uninterrupted. Oh, that's right. Fiona was up. Yes. Your first standing female comedian of the night. Make some noise for it is. Joanna Dixon. Joanna Dixon. Hello. Hello. I'm too short for this. Hello. So I just got engaged to a comedian, which was really fun until I realized very quickly that date night equals open mic night and weekend away equals waking up at 6am getting in my car, driving eight hours to the Bridgestone arena parking lot for the Kill Tony show. So that was my. That's why we didn't ha. No. Yeah. So I didn't come into comedy for the things that, you know, people usually do. Money, fame, women, single ladies. Yeah, No, I. I just really wanted to be included in his hobby. Isn't that fun? Well, anyway, well, so, you know, he needed a host and I'm not afraid of a microphone. And people ask me all the time, what is it like to be engaged to the Fristo Kid. And I don't know if I'm in a real relationship or in the longest bit of his whole career. So. Yeah, that's my time. Oh, my goodness. Too short for the stand. It's okay. Joanna, how's it going? How long you been doing stand up? Like kind of two years. Kind of two years. Okay. Where at different kind of shows. My. My fiance, he runs the Music Depot in northwest Arkansas. So I. I host there. I host around northwest Arkansas. Okay. Yeah. All right. Tell us something interesting about you, other than your fiance. Yeah, well, the interesting thing is that my fiance is Mexican and loves my black cat. Okay. Other than your fiance. Name something unfianc related about your life. You. Me? Yeah. I. I'm a waitress. Okay. And I serve really horrible people that don't want to. To tip me. That's in northern Arkansas. In northwest Arkansas. Yeah. The land of Walmart. Walmart employees don't want to tip me money. So. Okay. Boy, do you talk about your fiance the whole time when you're delivering their food. Is that so horrible? Sorry you're not in a happy relationship. Relationship. That sucks. Oh, when's the wedding? Because he might get deported, that guy. Let's see this fiance. I'm being told that Anthony has found the fiance in the audience. He's right there, I think. I think he would be happy to be deported to south central la. How the is that guy live in northwest Arkansas? That's some lawn work. We heard it was NWA a nice white area. Where did you guys meet? At church, at the Lord's house? Where else would we meet? All right. He's in the relocation program. Did he want God's country? Yeah. Did he want to get up tonight? And then you ended up getting up. That's how it works. Oh, well. Sucks to be y'all. Joanna, Dixon, congratulations. You are the last little joke book winner of the night. All right, you know what, ladies and gentlemen, we've had a lot of fun tonight. I think there's only one thing left to do. I got to tell you, this is an amazing moment in the history of the show. If you could have told me at any point in the last 12 years that we would be lucky enough to be doing one sold out arena here in one of my favorite cities in the world, Nashville, Tennessee, I would have told you. Holy shit. That's incredible. It's amazing that we're doing back to back nights. Not only because I love Nashville and because I have so many awesome friends and what feels like family here in Nashville. The great zany's comedy club here in Nashville, one of the best comedy clubs anywhere in the world. The great Dorfman Brothers and Brian Dorfman and. And so many great people. The great Lucy. There's just so many great spirits here in Nashville, Tennessee. But there is one man who was born and raised in Tennessee who just so happens to have the record for all time appearances on the show, the record for all time interviews on the show. The hall of Famer, the Memphis Strangler, the Titan of Tennessee. The Dark Knight of Nashville. The monster of Memphis, the vanilla gorilla. This is the big Red machine. It's out. William Montgomery. Yesterday I got a sweet little dog Yesterday, yesterday But I never got a dog. Oh, my God, it's him. Live in the flesh. The goat. William Montgomery is here. Rocky top, you'll always be home Freedom to be Good old Rocky Top Rocky Top Jedi Rocky Top you'll always be oh, sweet o to be gone oh, Rocky top, rocky top 10 rocky top, you'll always be all sweet all to me Good old Rocky Top Rocky Top Tennessee, Nashville, Nashville. The weirdest thing happened to me today. I flew in on Delta and we did not crash. I'm shaking down this bullshit. Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour. And my only question is, where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour? You know that they find a school bus and you know Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker, saying the bus can't go under 50 miles an hour. I don't know if anybody realizes this, but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish. I mean, first it's Hollywood, then the banking system, now this. What's next, the right to vote? In response to the U.S. tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is because I'm going to have to get a second job to pay for this. No. You know, I love feeding Red Band's mom dog food. She crawls around like a dog on her hands and knees and she eats it off of my back, dude. And your mom can get up there, Redbird. Okay, that's my time. Thank. Thank you to Wow. I mean, every God damn time. The one true blood king of the show, Tennessee's own William Montgomery. Wow. Nashville, it is so nice. I had a horrible time in the hotel last night. I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas and then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was cancelled. And then I ordered a bunch of White Castle and I ate the White Castle Tony. And then about 30 minutes later, I get a text message and it's my pizza at the front desk. What did you do? Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle. So, Nashville, you going to make my ass fat up here? That happens. Uber delivery does that sometimes. I know, but. Oh, my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee. It really is. Tell me some of the things that you love about Tennessee. This is your home state. No comedian I believe has made it quite as wildly proud as you. I mean, there's so many greats from here. Well, I. Oh, I was. Excuse me, Tony. I was a PI Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee. And Tony, one of my. My. One of my fondest memories of the first time I fit a ton a funnel in my. The first time I butt chug Tony. That happened up in Knoxville, Tennessee, about three hours away. So it really is so nice signing up. Wow. Ended up getting raped a couple times that night. It was like real nasty, but so nice to be back. Wow. PI Kappa Alpha Alpha, huh? Yes. Red band was PI PI PI. Yeah, your fat ass. I see these pies. Tell me some more things that you love about Tennessee. You are home in front of an arena. Look at your face up there, all around that band. You see that up there, William? Well, I think people in this audience might. Might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Sevierville, Tennessee. Oh, yeah. I was putting it in the first time right outside of Dollywood. But yeah, so that's a good memory. Did that. Got a couple staph infections in my blood. Wow. Wow. Such honest answer from William Montgomery here. What's with the new outfit? I see you got a tracksuit on. Usually you look like you're in a jug band. I started doing the row machine a whole bunch. I've done 500. I've done 500,000 meters since January. And I got on the. The ebay, the Adidas ebay store. Shout out to Adidas ebay store. You can get everything for like half off, 75% off. So I've been going ham on ebay recently. But yeah, Adidas store. And they said if I mention it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony. So everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please, on the Adidas ebay site after this, please. Wow. Because I told them I'm going to mention the. The basketball socks. If so. If. If there's an influx of the basketball socks. They know it's Will know it's because of me. Tony. But wow. I think basket incredible. That is amazing. Bob with the bottom. Wait. Why was I not invited last night? Why could I have not gone to the party last night? Well, you flew in late. We invited you. Oh, yeah. And we invited you. Yeah. I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane who was telling me about how he's back in Austin, he has a lady with a family who he loves. And I'm thinking this guy's getting catfished. And then he starts telling me about Sasquatches. How when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on earth will still be around and the Sasquatches are going to come out. It kind of. So just waiting for that to happen. Toad. That guy was the weirdo. William, these people want to know what fires you up, dude. They want to. They want to see you amped up. I probably. Tony. Maybe some people. Tennessee can feel me on this. Maybe some lightning bugs. Maybe a little bit of funnel cake in this. Maybe some candy apples. Okay. That's all I got to. You were you were going down a list of universal fair foods. That is not Tennessee specialized to Tennessee. What are you planning on doing tonight? What's your big plan? What do you like to do in Nashville? I don't know. I'm gonna be hollering at Red Band, hopefully. And he's gonna let me go out with this ass. And then I'm gonna go back, order some Papa John's again. And then on purpose, order the White Castle. I gorged myself last night. I actually just found out that if you vomit in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food. I had never done it. I'd always heard about that before. It's an eating disorder, which is very sad. But I was stuffing myself last night, Tony. I was just so excited to be here in Nashville. So. I don't know. Probably going to eat some food tonight. I don't know if that's good for you to do this New White Castle and pizza. It's good for my heart. My coach told me it's good for my heart. My rowing coach. Seriously? Wow. Yeah. He's like, it puts a pressure on your heart. I wear my. My heart rate monitor when I'm doing it. My heart rate goes way up right before I put my finger in my mouth. I get so nervous before I make myself throw up. And my heart rate goes through the roof at the beginning part. Who. Who's your coach? Rosie. Odal roll she love. I'm sorry, Kid Rock. I don't think I understand that one, man. Oh, cuz she's a fat William. Lights out, Montgomery. I don't know. I want to see you around for a long time. I know you're making a joke about your rowing coach. I think you should stop eating White Kids Castle and pizza every night. Well, Tony, that's weird because I don't think I'm ever going to stop any White Castle. Nashville, Tennessee. How about one more time for the great and powerful William Montgomery. Tennessee's home. William the Big Red Machine Montgomery. Guys, this has been a crazy honor for me. Can you please do me a favor? Let's see how loud this place can get for motherfucking Kid Rock. An American patriot. A fucking legend of rock and roll and a legend of Tennessee. One more time for Kid Rock. And how about one more time for one of the great comedians of today. The great and powerful, powerful Mark Norman. Fresh off of the Ryman Auditorium last night. This guy's crushing it. Mark, anything you want to plug or shout out? I love Nashville. Thanks for having me. You guys are the. Make sure you check out Kid Rock's bar on Broadway. So much fun. How about one time? Tony is Cliff, everybody. Thank you to Wynonna Judd, Cactus Mosier, Amanda Jean Rowland McVader, Yoni Christie. Notorious Productions. Red Band. Love you guys. God bless Bridgestone Arena Outback Presents Zanies here in Nashville. And God bless the United States of America. We love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. It this podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest. All because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk, and the company that lost your data. They'll just apologize and move on. This can all sound really scary. Which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Or Aura. Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the dark web 247 for your phone number, email and Social Security number. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert so you can act before the damage is done. Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US based fraud resolution team that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners. A 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's aura.com defense certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.