#716 - CHRIS O'CONNOR + TIM BUTTERLY

Summary

Kill Tony #716: Chris O'Connor + Tim Butterly

Date: April 29, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Panelists: Tony Hinchcliffe (host), Brian Redban (co-host), Chris O'Connor, Tim Butterly
Notable Guests: Chris O'Connor (Stuff Island podcast, Tires Season 2), Tim Butterly (Dad Meat podcast, on tour)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony features the high-energy debut of comedians Chris O'Connor and Tim Butterly as panelists. Returning and first-time performers from the iconic "bucket" showcase rapid-fire one-minute sets, followed by riff-filled interviews packed with roasts, crowd work, and wild anecdotes. Standout moments include a climactic Mexican Drum Off, sets from fan-favorite regulars Hans Kim and Cam Patterson, and plenty of outrageous crowd banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Segment Highlights

1. Panel & Band Introductions (02:18–06:05)

• Tony Hinchcliffe introduces recurring figures (band, staff) with inside jokes and resumes.
• Announcement of the debuts of both Chris O’Connor and Tim Butterly as panelists.
• Chris and Tim share their anticipation and a bit of “first time” nervous energy.

Memorable Quote

"He looks like he’s in round 15 of one of those old boxing matches. His eyes are swollen shut."
—Chris O’Connor on Hans Kim (53:05)

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2. Bucket Comedians & On-Stage Interviews

Colin Sledge (08:34–13:24)

• Dark, dry humor about family, therapy, and teaching piano ("My co pay went from $50 to $90, so I haven’t seen her in the new year" – 10:36).
• Gets ribbed about his “eccentric” vibes and experiences sharing comedy sets with his therapy clients' families.
• Panelist riff: "Piano tuners are the real serial killers." –Colin Sledge (13:08)

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Josh Gideon (14:16–21:28)

• Set: Mixed heritage jokes, Foot Locker work stories, and military service.
• Admits to being shy in relationships, yet jokes about skipping dating for hookups.
• Memorable crowd work:
  • Tony: "For a second there, I didn’t think you could say the N word, but I guess the half Haitian allows it, huh?" (15:18)
  • Chris: "So you help people find shoes at a Foot Locker?" Josh: "That's all I do." (16:44)

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Audrey Scott (22:02–30:02)

• Edgy, self-deprecating jokes about hula hooping, working at a sandwich shop, and fighting a serious roach infestation at home.
• Panel riffs heavily on hula hoop stereotypes and the horror of kitchen cockroaches.
• "I bought these Amazon [roach repellers] … They just started dancing to the rhythm. I swear to God." – Audrey (29:15)
• DIY pest control and difficulties with a hippie housemate discussed at length.

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Neil Rubenstein (31:09–41:06)

• Set: Self-roasting as a “big guy,” kidnapper jokes, Brooklyn muggings.
• Deep-dive interview covers his days as a touring musician, voice loss (“just screaming a lot, growing up” – 39:00), and having a platinum record for background shouting on Taking Back Sunday albums.
• “My dating profile says, ‘I’ll break your lawn furniture.’” (34:16)

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Riley Gilmore (42:58–49:12)

• Deadpan, absurd observations: "Sad ending massage" and “thoughts and prayers” musings.
• Reveals that he works at the club, has a gardening hobby, and delivers a running bit about his “lion impression”—which devolves live on stage.
• Tony: "That is the first time anyone has ever asked us what we're up to." (45:39)
• Ends with a passable owl impression to huge audience amusement.

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3. Standout Regular Spot: Hans Kim (51:12–57:48)

• Hans delivers a polished, sharp set on Asian identity, Trump, and cat ownership.
• Reveals recent life changes: now walking two “used cats” in a stroller, to the panel’s mock horror.
• Quotes:
  • “It’s the gayest shit in the world—walking cats in a cage.” –John Dees (55:43)
  • “Every creature dreams of freedom, you know? … But it’s like you’re taking them out in a rolling prison.” –Hans Kim (55:30)

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4. Crowd Highlights & “Bucket” Performers (Selected):

• Poncho (58:20–64:39):
  Low-energy Mexican comic, tries to bail after 20 seconds. Panel relentlessly roasts his brevity and “giving away nothing for free,” prompting a memorable double middle-finger exit to crowd boos (64:09).

• Patrick Christopher (79:38–87:37):
  Jokes about marriage, dark crowd work. Challenges the house band to a Mexican Drum Off—with a real drum solo. Loses, but gets sent up for an audition in front of the club booker.

  • “I got her fixed after we got married.” –Patrick (82:39)
    (on how he and his wife stayed childless, referencing cancer recovery, then making it darkly funny)

• Ray Cheneby (88:26–97:33):
  Absurdist jokes about goth girlfriends, cum, and learning Spanish. Panel discusses his odd Hinge profiles & efforts to get EU citizenship via Slovakian ancestry.

  • "I have to lie about [being a comedian], talk about Palestine and art. I really know how to con them into me." (94:36)

• Mike IO (98:50–108:41): Nigerian-American comic, riffs on immigrant family, food (fufu), and cultural adjustments (flies, working in nursing homes). Charismatic, with a high-energy Q&A about differences in sexual practices among races, and the realities of working-class African immigrant life in Minnesota.

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5. Closing Regular Spot: Cam Patterson (109:38–116:28)

• Drops irreverent set about bouncers, club security, and racial stereotypes; brings down the house.
• Updates on his life: “I got two new cars … 96 Impala with 24s … and a purple Infiniti.”
• Shares story about a border crossing with his father, whose old domestic abuse charge prevented him from entering Canada.
• “My dick don’t discriminate, man. I accept any pussy I get right now, you know?” –Mike IO (106:12)
• “If I were a bouncer and I patted you down and you had a bigger dick than me, I would not let you in the club.” –Cam Patterson (110:46)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “All piano teachers are probably like that, right?” –Tony, roasting Colin Sledge’s “vibes” (12:52)
• “I recommend some sandals, I guess.” –Josh Gideon, when asked what shoes he’d recommend to Redban (17:05)
• “The Hula Hooper is one level away from the person with the ball on the rope.” –Chris O’Connor (26:21)
• “I could tell you were goth because when you took a shit on my chest, the shit had a piercing.” –Ray Cheneby (88:26)
• “I just want white people to think I have some real shit—that’s all I want.” –Gordon Dixon, showing off his obviously fake watch (75:44)
• “You know, my room is actually not a bad place, but the kitchen’s hell.” –Audrey Scott on her living arrangements (28:27)
• "That is the first time anyone over there has asked us what we're up to." –Tony, after a comic turns the tables to question the panel (45:39)
• "My dating profile says, ‘I’ll break your lawn furniture.’" –Neil Rubenstein (34:16)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| MM:SS | Segment/Event | |---------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:18 | Show kicks off, hosts and band introductions | | 05:31 | Chris O’Connor and Tim Butterly first time panelists | | 08:34 | Colin Sledge’s set + interview | | 14:16 | Josh Gideon’s set + life as a Foot Locker employee | | 22:02 | Audrey Scott’s set + tales of roach warfare | | 31:09 | Neil Rubenstein’s set + tales from music touring | | 42:58 | Riley Gilmore’s set + failed lion impression | | 51:12 | Hans Kim’s regular spot + his “cat stroller” saga | | 58:20 | Poncho’s botched set; booted with double middle birds | | 79:38 | Patrick Christopher’s drum-off, audition news | | 88:26 | Ray Cheneby on language, Hinge, and Slovakia | | 98:50 | Mike IO on Nigerian family and American “booty” | |109:38 | Cam Patterson’s set and updates on his “purple” car | |118:41 | Closing remarks and panel thanks |

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Overall Tone and Style

• Outrageous, fast-paced, and gleefully unfiltered: In typical Kill Tony style, the show flows from sharp insult comedy and deep crowd/audience roasting to offbeat, relatable stories, always punctuated by the guest panelists’ quick jokes and playful skepticism.
• Interactive and unpredictable: Several participants try wild bits, impressions, or abruptly walk off stage, resulting in extended riffing from the panel and crowd.
• Ensemble banter is the backbone; Tony, Chris, Tim, and the band jump between sincere encouragement, relentless roasting, and running inside jokes.

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Noteworthy Takeaways

1. Panel chemistry: Chris O’Connor and Tim Butterly bring a fresh energy, seamlessly blending inside jokes with sharp observations on each performer.
2. Bucket comics range from killer to cringe: As always, there are breakout performances and a few instant trainwrecks—a huge part of the show’s charm.
3. Memorable “regular” segments: Hans Kim’s cat stroller saga and Cam Patterson’s “purple car” story become instant classics.
4. Big opportunities: Two comics (Neil Rubenstein and Patrick Christopher) are sent directly upstairs for an audition with Mothership’s booker—rare, noteworthy moments confirming their strong sets and interviews.
5. Community & comedy scene: Several guests have just moved to Austin or come from other cities (Virginia, Florida, Nigeria), reflecting the show’s draw as a proving ground for comics nationwide.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a showcase of everything Kill Tony does best—raw new comic energy, big laughs from established guests, and a comedic room that thrives on unrestrained personality and crowd momentum. Alongside some signature unfiltered roast material, it delivers memorable moments, unexpected success stories, and a classic Mexican Drum Off. Newcomers and regulars alike leave their mark on one of the show's strongest recent panels, with the chemistry between Tony, Chris, and Tim pushing the laughs to new heights.

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[For more, listen/watch the full episode at DeathSquad.TV or the official Kill Tony YouTube channel.]

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, literally, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Huge announcement. I am doing standup comedy in Madison Square Garden, Friday, August 15th. This is a standup comedy show featuring me and the killers of Kill Tony. All your favorite regulars and standup comedians from the show doing guest spots on it. The artistry presale is this Wednesday at 10am and it goes till Friday, May 2nd. The special password is Tony25. That's Tony25. All one word. Local pre sale starts Thursday, May 1st at 10am Also, the ticket drop for the Kill Tony tapings at the mothership is this Tuesday, April 29th at noon. This is your warning. Those tickets are available@comedy mothership.com the tickets for the Killers of Kill Tony Plus Tony Hinchcliff at Madison Square Garden on Friday, August 15th are available at tony hinchcliff.com and there's still a few tickets available for the huge stand up comedy show at Resorts World Saturday, May 10th at 8pm Those tickets are available at tonyhenchcliff.com so Vegas, New York City and Austin, Texas. The chambers are loaded and ready to be shot off. Go to the respective websites and buy tickets and see stand up comedy and the new tapings of Kill Tony upcoming for the months of May, June and [e-mail] the stand up [e-mail] now a brand new episode of the number one live comedy podcast in the world. This is Kill Tony.

Sam. Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitchcliffe. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Make some noise for Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And indeed it is the best damn band in the land. Right there. You saw it live in the flesh. Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Cholula Chalupa, Matt Muhling representing the whites on the band with a black wife, little black kids and seven cats.

[Chris O'Connor]

John Dee's on the keys, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this beautiful little camper right here on the bass Is D Madness live in the flesh. This is indeed Kill Tony, brought to you this week by Bluechew and Nick.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tonight, nicotine pouches. What an amazing episode we have. There's chaos in the room. A guy just broke a beer bottle

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

over his own head. He's so excited. Before we get started, here's a little

[Chris O'Connor]

bit more of the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very, very excited about this one, ladies and gentlemen. Sometimes we have repeat guests.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sometimes we have new guests. Sometimes we have big, famous celebrities. Sometimes we have funny motherfuckers. This is one of the latter episode. This is the debut of both of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

these guests on panel, two of the

[Chris O'Connor]

funniest humans in the world. Two guys that I've wanted to get on forever, and it just so happens

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

they're on together here tonight. Make some noise for Chris O' Connor and Tim Butterly. Oh, yeah. Chris O'. Connor. Tim Butterly. Oh, my God. Chris O'. Connor. Tires Season 2, coming out June 4th. His podcast, Stuff Island.

[Chris O'Connor]

Welcome to the show, Chris.

[John Dees]

It's good to be here. Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Chris O'Connor]

And Tim Butterly, welcome.

[Heidi]

That was a very polite response from your audience after all that build up. Hey, guys, I'm Tim.

[Ray Cheneby]

Nice to meet you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tim Butterly's show dad, meet.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's on tour. Timbutterley.com it is your guys's first. First time on the show, which is absolutely crazy.

[John Dees]

I know. It's pretty exciting. I planned to, like, get a good night's sleep last night, you know, have a quiet Sunday. And instead, I got incredibly drunk at the Masters. Yep, I was at the Masters. While Rory was making history, I was laying in the grass farting 300 yards away from whatever he was doing. My farts got a big roar from the crowd.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hell, yeah. Well, you look great. You don't look hungover, inflamed, whatsoever. So it's gonna be awesome. We're happy to have you. Since it's your first time, I should tell you, 275 people signed up for the chance to get on this show tonight. If they get pulled out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up, and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. This guy has a tattoo of a spider behind his ear, so I'm gonna let him pick the first one right off the top. Look at that. Yeah, looks good to me. And the show shall begin. To start tonight's show, we have a golden ticket winner making his third ever appearance on the show. Can't think of a worse time for that to happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dees really wasted that one tonight. Leaning on your keyboard, just high and falling asleep as usual. It's kind of crazy at this point. You would think you'd be able to survive five minutes into the episode without doing something absolutely stupid, but there you are. There you are, high and tired. John Dees, his debut album, High and Tired, coming out soon. Or you could see it live on the show every Monday as he falls asleep leaning against sound effects on his keyboard. He wears sunglasses because he literally falls asleep during the show. Going up first tonight, the third ever appearance of a golden ticket winner that

[Chris O'Connor]

we like around here. Let's see how the third minute goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The comedy styling is one minute uninterrupted. Going to Colin Sledge, everybody. Here we go.

[Colin Sledge]

Okay, thank you. So when I was in middle school, my Texas history teacher, Mr. Gomez, used to tell us all the time, you don't know how good you have it in America, because back home in Mexico, my family has to jack off horses for money. And I was confused. I was like, where are the horses even getting the money? Okay, so. So my parents want grandkids, right? And I don't really want to give them grandkids, so I thought I'd give them the next best thing, a homemade cream pie video. You know, my parents hate to see me coming. Okay, so I'm in therapy now, right? And my therapist asked me recently if I ever had any homicidal thoughts. I was like, I ain't gay. You ever say that shit again, I'll fucking kill you.

[Josh Gideon]

Oh, yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

Thanks, y'.

[John Dees]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Colin Sledge. Smart, funny.

[Chris O'Connor]

Such a serious man, Colin. You're having fun. You smile there.

[Colin Sledge]

This time I smiled.

[Chris O'Connor]

This time you did smile a little bit. Look at you.

[Audrey Scott]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

Adam Ray said I'm pretty when I smile, so.

[Chris O'Connor]

Adam Ray said that?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, the last time he said that.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible. How's life going for you, Colin?

[Colin Sledge]

It's been okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

Should I answer more? Should I say tell more of what I've been up to or you want to ask something?

[John Dees]

Why did your therapist ask you if you're having homicidal thoughts?

[Colin Sledge]

Oh, that was made up. That was a lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's pretty believable.

[John Dees]

Pretty fucking believable.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do you see a therapist?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, my co pay went from 50 to 90, so I haven't seen her in the new year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Colin Sledge]

I emailed her my Kill Tony appearance, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

You did?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, she says it was funny.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. All right.

[Colin Sledge]

I'm gonna go back soon, probably.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Went from 15 to 90.

[Colin Sledge]

50 to 90.

[Chris O'Connor]

50 to 90. I don't know if you know this, my dear friend Colin Sledge, but the amazing people over at Talkspace, you can talk to a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours, just by going to talkspace.comtony and enter the promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love Talkspace.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks, Redban.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely. Thank you for setting us up for that. That's good. That's good. I could afford an extra 1,000 of your therapy sessions because of what I just said.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Colin, what goes on in your life? Tell us. You seem like you're built for comedy. You seem like, you know, this is your thing, but I can't picture you doing anything else. Do you do anything else?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, I still teach piano.

[Chris O'Connor]

You do?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Teach piano?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aw.

[John Dees]

That's a murderer's job for sure.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is.

[Colin Sledge]

I got One of my piano families found out about this because, yes, the dad who had never said anything other than like, hello and goodbye was like, golden ticket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's pretty cool.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah. And then his wife wanted me to demonstrate that I knew how to play piano.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. That's tricky for you. We've done that once before. Turns out you get a little nervous.

[Colin Sledge]

Yes, I did okay there, though.

[Heidi]

Was it the husband or wife that was going to bat for you that you could be around the kids and it's okay?

[Colin Sledge]

It was. It was. The wife hired me. Yeah. What was the interview like?

[John Dees]

What was the interview like?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, they just got on referral. They're like, hey, you teach piano to this other kid and she's good, so you can teach our kids. That was it. Yeah. That's pretty.

[John Dees]

So nothing in person?

[Colin Sledge]

No, it was. I mean, I don't remember.

[Chris O'Connor]

You don't remember?

[Colin Sledge]

It was a while ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, all piano teachers are probably like that, right?

[Chris O'Connor]

Wouldn't you think so?

[Poncho]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

That's serial killers.

[John Dees]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

I do get a pass for being a little eccentric. That's how I refer to it.

[Chris O'Connor]

That makes sense. That is an eccentric.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I guess you could come across eccentric.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah. Piano tuners are the real serial killers.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ah, very interesting. I did not know that.

[John Dees]

That's some inside piano stuff.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

Because they're like piano people, but they can't even deal with other people. They just need to be alone for, like, the entire time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. I'm sure the piano people listening to the show are cracking up right now. Colin, we love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great set. There you go. You got it started. The show has begun. And now to the bread and butter of this show, the beautiful, beautiful Bucket, where. Oh my God. I mean, unbelievable. What a sight for tired, weary eyes. It's the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. All right, back to the Bucket or to the Bucket. For the first time, we're gonna meet this person all together and find out all about their life. Let's meet him. He goes by the name 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Josh G. Gideon. Josh Gideon.

[Josh Gideon]

Have y' all ever broke y' all straw while trying to open it and it ruins your drinking experience? Do you think babies feel the same way when sipping on Pierced Nipples? Is that the. Because they got to take the piercing out, right? And when they do, you think it comes out in three, like a Bellagio fountain. Logistics. I don't know a little bit about myself. I am half Haitian and y' all heard what Trump said, how we eat pets. I'm also half Korean, so I guess you could say I really got that dog in me, you know? Who knew a Haitian dad and a Korean mom would make a beige Hawaiian punch guy? Who knew? That's what I'm over here looking like, crouching tiger headed nigga.

Fuck it.

All right, that's my time.

[Chris O'Connor]

I appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Josh Gideon. Welcome, welcome. Hi, Josh. For a second there, I didn't think you could say the N word, but I guess the half Haitian allows it, huh?

[Josh Gideon]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like to see you get away with that. If you were just Korean, I would have loved it. I would have loved was clean.

[Chris O'Connor]

John D. Is our senior N word official on the on the scene. Absolutely incredible. Very Korean to be dropping a word like that. But here you are. How long you been doing standup?

[Josh Gideon]

It was about be three years in May.

[Chris O'Connor]

Where at?

[Josh Gideon]

I started out in Newport News, Virginia and just moved out to San Antonio in October.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, you were in the middle of Virginia. What do you do for work?

[Josh Gideon]

I work at Foot Locker now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[John Dees]

Perfect.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Does it look like a Foot Locker guy does it?

[John Dees]

You walk into full Locker, you be like, this guy knows what the he's talking about.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Heidi]

They cut your hair like that when you, like when you join the army.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They pick it out when you get hired at footlong.

[Josh Gideon]

Right. That's what they do.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow. So you wear the referee shirt and everything. That makes sense. Half Haitian, half Korean. Split black and white right down the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Middle wearing a referee shirt.

[Chris O'Connor]

That makes sense. Wow. So you help people find shoes at a Foot Locker?

[Josh Gideon]

That's all I do.

[Chris O'Connor]

Are you good at it?

[Josh Gideon]

I'm all right. I could find shoes in a couple seconds, I guess.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Josh Gideon]

Is that what you're asking?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. What would you recommend for a guy like Red Band if he walked in

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

there, if he's like, hey, everybody says I'm fat and ugly and I need. I need two shoes. What would you say to him?

[Josh Gideon]

I'd recommend some sandals, I guess. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow,

[Chris O'Connor]

You guys had sandals there. Okay, what do you do for fun, Josh?

[Josh Gideon]

Play basketball.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Josh Gideon]

Okay, basketball. And I lift weights. Starting just now.

[Ray Cheneby]

Recently.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just started lifting weights just now. And you play basketball. Have you played basketball your whole life?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah, basically.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, so you play basketball, you say the N word.

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

How about the Korean side of you?

[Heidi]

Still the N word.

[Colin Sledge]

That's right.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do that's Korean? Any Korean activities?

[Josh Gideon]

I take off my shoes when I enter my crib.

[Gordon Dixon]

Oh,

[Chris O'Connor]

very good. I'm guessing your dad is the Haitian and your mom is the Korean. Just getting absolutely pounded and filled with

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just a huge Haitian cop.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do you think about that a lot? Do you think about how your mom is absolutely decimated. Your innocent little Korean mother, just a sweet little lady, just absolutely getting ravaged

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

by your father's Haitian.

[John Dees]

It's gotta be every slow day at Foot Locker. Just a mind prison.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do you ever just see. You ever had footlogger and you see a pair of X ray extra long

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

black socks hanging from the shelf and you're like, God, what my dad has done to my mother's is terrible. Never.

[Mike IO]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

My goodness, Josh. So you live in San Antonio. What made you go from Virginia to San Antonio?

[Josh Gideon]

So I got out the military. I did four years in the Air Force.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, wow. What did you do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Amazing.

[Chris O'Connor]

You went from the Air Force to Air Force One. Absolutely amazing.

[Gordon Dixon]

That's right.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible.

[John Dees]

I didn't realize, kept crashing the planes.

[Chris O'Connor]

The Korean side.

[Mike IO]

That's right.

[Chris O'Connor]

I keep forgetting he's Korean. Okay, so what did you do exactly in the Air Force?

[Josh Gideon]

I. I painted airplanes.

[Colin Sledge]

Wow.

[Josh Gideon]

Painted airplanes. I worked on the F22s. Just painted gray.

[Chris O'Connor]

Amazing. Amazing.

[John Dees]

That rules. That's like cool paint, isn't it? I mean, is it like special paint?

[Josh Gideon]

I mean, there's metals in there, I guess.

[John Dees]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right.

[John Dees]

That's a top secret paint. I think that's a cool fucking job.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's your love life like, Josh? You seem like a good looking guy. Are you Haitian with the ladies? Are you more Korean? You a little shy guy?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah, I'm very shy. I'm very Korean, I guess you could say.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ah, that's where the Korean side comes out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Josh Gideon]

But, yeah, I'm single, but I'm not really putting myself out there for real.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, well, like, the last date that you went on, like, what was that like? Where? How did you find that person? How'd that go?

[Josh Gideon]

I haven't really gone on a date like that.

[Colin Sledge]

For real.

[Josh Gideon]

I haven't even gotten a date since high school.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really? When's the last time you kissed a girl?

[Josh Gideon]

I mean, I. Oh, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, there you go. There you go. Well, you blew that one, buddy. You had a. Could have had a fun time coming your way, but you want to brag about going straight to fucking. I don't date. I just insert my dick right into a woman when I meet her.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible, Josh. I think that's called rape.

[Josh Gideon]

That's consent.

[Chris O'Connor]

But wow, you really are Haitian after all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

Is that a Haitian thing?

[Mike IO]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, don't do that. No, don't. I don't want that.

[Chris O'Connor]

This isn't a fucking one man show. Anything else crazy we should know about yet?

[Josh Gideon]

Nah, just chilling, dude. Doing comedy, just.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do your parents think about you doing this?

[Josh Gideon]

They're actually high key, supportive, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

They're what?

[Josh Gideon]

They're high key supportive. They're supportive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

High key, high key, high key.

[Heidi]

It's the ancient Korean art of supporting your son. Start reading a fucking book sometime.

[Mike IO]

Tony,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we are very high key of you selling Nike. We are Hikey. There you go, buddy. Congratulations. Welcome to Kiltoni. That is your first bucket pull of the night, Josh Gideon. And the show shall continue with your second bucket pull.

[Chris O'Connor]

And here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She goes by the name of Audrey Scott, everyone. 60 seconds uninterrupted, going to Audrey Scott.

[Audrey Scott]

I'm very good at Spanish.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hola.

[Audrey Scott]

But I can't roll my R's unless I'm saying the N word. And everyone's like, oh, my God, she can roll her R's like distraction. I. I'm gonna be honest with y'.

[Chris O'Connor]

All.

[Audrey Scott]

I. I don't like child porn. So funny about that, you freak.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right?

[Audrey Scott]

Because every time I watch it, right? Every time I shove that flash drive right into my fucking PC to watch my cp. Acting's too immature. Kids are always like, oh, where am I? I'm hungry. Grow. It's show business, baby. How the fuck did you think Bieber made it? He got ushered into the diddying Baby, baby, baby oil Diddy did it hot take. The brand of the baby oil was Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. And that's it. Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Audrey Scott, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Audrey, Hi.

[Chris O'Connor]

You look like a half Korean that was in the Air Force, but surprisingly,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm guessing you're not the half Korean,

[Audrey Scott]

because I'm from Virginia. My dad was Air Force and that guy just stole my whole thing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, your whole story? Yeah. Oh, my good.

[Audrey Scott]

Should have kamikaze, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Gordon Dixon]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

There you go. Hi, Audrey.

[Audrey Scott]

Hello.

[Heidi]

If you need a backup identity, maybe go for journalist covering a race war

[Audrey Scott]

side job. Top 10 side hustles of 2020.

[Chris O'Connor]

Audrey, welcome. How long have you been doing stand up?

[Audrey Scott]

Five and a half years.

[Chris O'Connor]

Five and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work?

[Audrey Scott]

I bartend at Roscoe's Comedy Club and I produce. I host mics there and I produce some shows. And then I also make sandwiches during the day and I do voice acting as well.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, so you make sandwiches during the day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that's the correct answer. Just had to do a little digging there. Get around all the bullshit.

[Audrey Scott]

They're easy, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That you definitely don't make money doing. And then there we found it right at the end. 12 hour shifts of sandwich making.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it.

[Audrey Scott]

It's less than that.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it. Okay. Five and a half years. All of it here in Austin?

[Audrey Scott]

No, I started in Virginia. I started in the mountains.

[Chris O'Connor]

You really? That's another Virginia to Texas transfer. That really is incredible. That happened back to back like that.

[Audrey Scott]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What's your favorite sandwich to make?

[Audrey Scott]

It's called a wreck. It's a potbelly signature sandwich. You get a portion of salami. Yeah. Shout out to potbelly man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Nice. I. I host a show with them every week.

[Audrey Scott]

It's the best open mic in Austin.

[Cam Patterson]

You know,

[Audrey Scott]

free sandwich on the way. Yeah, it's a. It's roast beef, salami, turkey, ham, and then Swiss cheese on top. It goes pretty hard, actually.

[Chris O'Connor]

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. Audrey, what do you. What do you do for fun sauces on?

[Audrey Scott]

I've been hula hooping recently. I got a hula hoop at Walmart when I was buying roach poison for roaches. Just in my house, because I have roaches in my house. They're really bad. But the hula hoop's been, like, really helping out.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right.

[Heidi]

Have you learned any cool tricks yet?

[Audrey Scott]

No, I'm not like, the edm, like, slutty level yet where I'm like, you know, we're just wearing sequins and. But I'm getting, like, an hourglass figure from. I just go like this in my backyard.

[Chris O'Connor]

What kind of tricks should she know?

[Audrey Scott]

You can, like, throw it and catch it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude.

[Heidi]

There's a whole show you can do with that thing.

[Audrey Scott]

You can hooch it everywhere. I can do that.

[Heidi]

Still just working on the hips, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It turns out I could do that.

[Audrey Scott]

Do the neck and the arm. But now I'm mastering the hips, so it's a new challenge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get rid of that thing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Get rid of that thing.

[John Dees]

It's the worst person at every festival. Hula hoop lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[John Dees]

It's the hula hoop, dude.

[Audrey Scott]

It's not. It's a really good exercise. Like, I don't. I don't want to go to the gym and get filmed by an influencer. Like, have a sweaty fat person on equipment.

[Chris O'Connor]

This is correct here. The Hula Hooper is one level away from. From the person with, like, the ball on the rope.

[Audrey Scott]

That, like, it's just, like, a side thing. I don't identify as a Hula Hooper. That would be weird.

[John Dees]

That's what I'm saying. You got to get rid of it now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah,

[Audrey Scott]

Maybe I'll do pogo stick or unicycle or something.

[John Dees]

Pogo stick, actually pretty cool.

[Audrey Scott]

They scare me, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pogo stick, I like.

[John Dees]

I've never been mad at someone on a pogo stick.

[Poncho]

Really?

[Audrey Scott]

Have you ever seen someone on a pogo?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah, stick.

[John Dees]

But I was happy. Maybe it was just a kid or something.

[Chris O'Connor]

Let's talk about the cockroaches. Audrey, you know you let them.

[Audrey Scott]

I didn't cause them, man. There was this bitch named Suzanne who lived in my house before me, and she left, like, a whole fridge of organic food in the house and just left it. And then.

[Chris O'Connor]

Did you make sandwiches out of it?

[Audrey Scott]

No. You think I make sandwiches after getting off work making sandwiches? That would be psychotic. That would just be. I don't hate myself that much. That much. All right?

[Chris O'Connor]

I have a line.

[Audrey Scott]

I hula hoop, but I don't make sandwiches for myself after I make sandwiches. But since he left all this fucking product of, like, cabbage and, like, organic steak and now there were roaches in the fridge.

[Chris O'Connor]

Let's.

[Audrey Scott]

In the fridge.

[Chris O'Connor]

They were in the fridge.

[Audrey Scott]

They were in the fridge.

[Chris O'Connor]

How do they get in the fridge?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Audrey Scott]

I don't know what's going on. And I spray them all the time. And I live with, like, a hippie who doesn't want to, like, kill everything And I want to be bomb the whole house and he won't let me. Oh, he won't let me. Yeah, it's bad. It's so bad. And you know if a cockroach goes in your ear, it can't go backwards, so it just goes in your head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you had a cockroach go in your ear?

[Audrey Scott]

I might, you know, like, I. I don't know, but it's scary to think about.

[Heidi]

Heidi, bring out the scope. We're having the first ever kill Tony ear. Roach off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Chris O'Connor]

This is incredible.

[Audrey Scott]

It's bad. It's really bad. If you.

[Chris O'Connor]

If. If you had to guess how many roaches you see on an average day or night.

[Audrey Scott]

Oh my God, it's so bad. I can't go in my kitchen cuz my room is clean. Cuz believe it or not, like, my room is actually not a bad place to be in my. The kitchen's hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But doubtful.

[Audrey Scott]

Yeah, I know. That's why I said believe it or not. That's why.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you ever asked or gotten an exterminator?

[Audrey Scott]

I've been begging for one. I've been begging for an exterminate. Yeah, but the, the main, the main roommate, like, he's the one who, like Gatekeeps, you know, the information to the landlord. You know, I can't just directly talk to Dana for some reason.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is that the landlord's?

[Audrey Scott]

That's Dana. Dana's my landlord.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[John Dees]

Like, was it an

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

outside?

[Audrey Scott]

My kitchen is like my hoop. Hard enough they'll leave.

[Heidi]

You're doing bug behavior to get his attention,

[Cam Patterson]

taking over.

[Audrey Scott]

Yeah, I even tried. Like, I bought these Amazon. Like, they're like. Oh, we use like certain sound frequencies to get rid of them. They just started dancing to the rhythm. I swear to God. Yeah, they just like, liked it.

[Chris O'Connor]

They just enjoyed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cockroach correspondent Brian Redband says that does not work. He would know there's anybody that has food scattered around his kitchen.

[Audrey Scott]

But I would say, on average, I see fucking 12 a day.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, wow.

[Audrey Scott]

And they're big and small. They're. They're big ones and they're like the tiny ones. Oh, I'm going crazy. My God, I'm going insane.

[Heidi]

You should see how many live ones you can fit into a sealed envelope and give that to the landlord.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes, that's a great idea.

[Audrey Scott]

I don't want to like, I love every other bug. I'm a huge bug fan, but they really. I sprayed one 20 times. It took me 20 times to spray one. That's poison for it to die.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Well, Audrey, absolutely incredible.

[Audrey Scott]

Thanks.

[Chris O'Connor]

Here's a. Here's a little joke book. You don't want that. Here you go. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There she goes, Audrey. Ladies and gentlemen, on to the next one. We go

[Chris O'Connor]

on to the next one. This looks like an interesting name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. There she is. The one and the only Heidi. Look, Just making this stage nice. Fixing the logo halfway. Halfway fix of the logo.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just a few degrees away from a perfect turn of the logo. But she tried.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, this looks like a fun name. Make some noise for Neil Rubenstein, everybody. Neil Rubenstein.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Everyone's good? We're good. All right. Yeah, no, yeah, No, I get it. Cause you guys saw me. You're like, this guy ain't afraid of nothing, you know? And then you heard me, and you're like, oh, he's afraid of the dark. That's what that is. I was told I sound like the person I look like I kidnapped. Am I doing all right? Okay. I don't mind being a big guy, you know, Usually pretty safe, Right? Like, I remember one time I was walking in Brooklyn, and this is before Brooklyn was a yoga studio, you know, so streets are so riddled with crime and gluten. And this dude popped out to mug me, and I was like, nah, man, get the next guy. And he was like, okay, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just scared him up.

[Neil Rubenstein]

This is mint. Everyone should give this a shot. Oh, all right, Cool. That's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are adorable, Neil Rubenstein.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is it Rubenstein or Rubenstein?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Whatever's comfortable.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. I love it.

[Audrey Scott]

That's a good answer.

[Chris O'Connor]

Good.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Just spell it right, you know, so, yeah, incredible.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you're Jewish?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah. Yeah. Is that.

[Chris O'Connor]

And you're also a deli. That's incredible that you could be both. You're a Jewish deli. All under a one stop shop.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I don't get that.

[Chris O'Connor]

But all right. It is. Because you're filled with food.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Oh, yes. Oh, a very.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You truly are a Reuben.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah. Great.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are filled with Reubens, as in the sandwich that the cockroach girl makes during the day. Yes.

[Neil Rubenstein]

That was a callback.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes, indeed. Thank you.

[Mike IO]

Look at you.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah. He's killing it.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it, Neil, you're very funny. How long you been doing stand up?

[Neil Rubenstein]

10 years.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could tell.

[Chris O'Connor]

Where at fuck was that?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I started in New York and I live here now. Well, I'm staying here now. I don't know if I live here, but we'll see.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. How Long have you been here?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Since January.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Do you like it?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I like the city very much. I liked it as like when I would visit the scene. I like the scene. But now that I'm like. Because when you're like, visiting, they're like, oh, come do my show, come do my show. And now that I'm here, they're like, fuck you, dude. So. But it's all right.

[John Dees]

I like it.

[Chris O'Connor]

We like you.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Thank you. Cool, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Other people, anyone who does that's just afraid that you're going to be funnier than them or something like that.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Well, yeah, I like to think that, but who knows, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

You're adorable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, right.

[Chris O'Connor]

So likable. And how are you?

[Heidi]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, that's good. Yeah, that's good.

[Neil Rubenstein]

All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

Cool, cool, cool. I don't know what to do here. I don't know whether to roast you or snuggle with you, Neil. Little cutie pie.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Snuggle, snuggle.

[Heidi]

Do you have any dark secrets?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I have so many dark secrets, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Let's find out about it.

[Heidi]

What's the darkest thing about you?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I don't know, man. There's so much. I try to leave that behind, you know, just trying to fix the things I broke, you know, like the floor furniture. Yeah, yeah, mostly patio furniture.

[Mike IO]

Yeah,

[Neil Rubenstein]

that's my dating profile. Says, I'll break your lawn furniture.

[Chris O'Connor]

Amazing.

[Heidi]

And is that Tinder or Grindr?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Both.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work, Neil?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I had been a full time comedian, but sort of still doing that, but I, you know. You gotta side hustles now?

[Chris O'Connor]

Cause what are some of your side hustles?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I just pa. Like, not like personal assistant stuff. I used to tour manage bands, so I have like that skill set. So I help out a bigger comic on like some of their scheduling and itineraries and stuff.

[Chris O'Connor]

Very cool. We like that. That's cool, Neil.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Keep it around, you know.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for fun? You got hobbies?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah, I like. I like baseball.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you like about baseball?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I just. I think it's a wonderful sport. I think it's. It involves athleticism and strategy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nachos and helmets and peanuts and Cracker Jacks.

[Chris O'Connor]

Don't care if you baby back ribs.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah, I like. I like going to baseball games because I can have someone rub sun block on me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, absolutely. You a y?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Is that what that was?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yankees or Mets?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Mets.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Look at that. You have a Mets tattoo.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yes, sir.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely Incredible. I don't think I've met a bigger Mets fan.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Bigger in Size or in.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's all I know.

[Mike IO]

I'm not that big.

[Heidi]

I'm actually wearing Mr. Met's head under this shirt right now.

[Chris O'Connor]

You said you're not that big. What are you. What are you trying to say?

[Neil Rubenstein]

No, I'm saying like this. I mean, I'm tall.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's what we're.

[Patrick Christopher]

I'm not like.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I'm not like using a Rascal.

[Mike IO]

Fat.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I still fit in the booth at Applebee's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I just.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I'm just a.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's a great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's a great measurement system.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Like, yeah, airplane bathrooms are difficult, but fucking who?

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Neil Rubenstein]

You have trouble.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, he doesn't. I'm saying like, you are three Carlos Sosas worth of human.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't look at my band. That's the cut. I'm just saying like that. Don't compare yourself to my band.

[Chris O'Connor]

Don't you dare. Over here, Neil. Over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You son of a. I like.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I like them so much though.

[Chris O'Connor]

They're great. They really are.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I kind of look like I'm Redman back from the future to tell him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't do it. There's still time. Don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, you know how to tickle my heart. Neil Rubenstein.

[Heidi]

Red Band. That's your looper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to kill him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is your destiny.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Neil is a baseball hat away from being the new co host of Kill Tony. This is incredible.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I couldn't fill those shoes. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we'll find. We know a guy that works at Foot Locker. We'll find out about that.

[Chris O'Connor]

Neil, tell us more about your life.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Oh, man. I don't know what do you. I don't know what to. I don't know where to start.

[Chris O'Connor]

Been married. You have?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah. Married, no kids. Raised by wolves.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you mean raised by wolves?

[Neil Rubenstein]

H. My parents, you know, everyone's got a thing. Played with, played and toured with some rock bands.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then when you say you played with some rock bands, what do you mean? What did you do?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I just. In a hardcore band. Long time ago.

[Chris O'Connor]

What you do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sing?

[Chris O'Connor]

Play guitar. You sang? Let's play some hardcore music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of you want to hear Neil sing a little bit?

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to. Oh. One, a, two, a. One, two, three, four. Come on, Neil. Look that way. Come on. I have a tiny voice. Hold on. All right, stop, stop, stop.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I have a. I have a tiny little voice now. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

What are you talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't pull a Val Kilmer on us right now.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I destroyed my voice.

[Heidi]

Did you not always sound like this?

[Neil Rubenstein]

No, no, I destroyed my voice.

[Heidi]

He damaged his vocal cords, Tony. Yeah, he's technically disabled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Gold,

[Neil Rubenstein]

finally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I get one of those little

[Neil Rubenstein]

placards for my car?

[Chris O'Connor]

What? What?

[Neil Rubenstein]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That guy's just saying sing.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Did you miss the whole thing? We just did a thing about not doing that.

[Chris O'Connor]

My goodness. So what happened to your voice exactly?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Just screaming a lot, you know, growing up.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you can't sing anything anymore?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I can't really get louder. Like, I. Like, I can do a little bit of projecting, but I can't, like, sound cool.

[Chris O'Connor]

You used to sound cool.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I. Maybe it depends on your screaming. Kind of like screamy and shouty. A lot of shouty.

[Mike IO]

Did you.

[Heidi]

Did you sound like this when you had to quit the band?

[Neil Rubenstein]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, guys. I don't know if I can sing about anymore. It's been real, guys. Peace out, everybody. I gotta hit the bricks.

[John Dees]

Did the tattoos. The tattoos come before or after you lost your voice?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After.

[John Dees]

That makes sense.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I think, like, I started them and then. Yeah, I started late, though. I didn't start getting tattooed to, like, early 20s, right.

[John Dees]

You gotta look scary.

[Chris O'Connor]

What was the name of the big, big band you were in?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I wasn't in a big. I am on a Taking Back Sunday record to Taking Back Sunday records.

[Hans Kim]

Whoa.

[Neil Rubenstein]

But just like, background screaming. Not like I'm not a member, but I have a platinum record, which is nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What's that?

[Neil Rubenstein]

A platinum record?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, you know what a platinum record is. But what is the name of the record?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Back before where you want to be and tell all your friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And that's under your name?

[Chris O'Connor]

Neil Rubenstein.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I'm on. I mean, I'm not a member of the band, but I'm on the record. And, like. Yeah, I mean, if you Google me. Yeah, they're. They're up there.

[Heidi]

A lot of us know Taking Back Sunday. Could you even just maybe give us,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, a hum of the part that you were on?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's the.

[Neil Rubenstein]

It's the brand new lyrics.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, no.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I did that.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you mean?

[Neil Rubenstein]

They were like, we're. This song is about Jesse.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is that. Somebody shut that lady up back there. Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do I have to say that?

[Chris O'Connor]

How many times would she have to just be annoying before somebody sends somebody the fuck back there? Jesus Christ, people. That's 17 staff members just fucking watching.

[Heidi]

Okay, Would someone please mosh that lady right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Literally begging for it. Spin kick that broad so annoying.

[Chris O'Connor]

So what were the lyrics?

[Neil Rubenstein]

What is lyrics? It's have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt. And again when your head goes through the windshield.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. Hell yeah. Wow. A fucking classic. Wow.

[Neil Rubenstein]

I was a bad guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's the first thing you do when

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you wake up in the morning?

[Neil Rubenstein]

Go back to sleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band. You know, I don't have a secret show this week because of Moon Tower. But if you're in town next Thursday, I would love to have you on the secret show. There you go. And you know what else?

[Neil Rubenstein]

I am flying to Milwaukee for show.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow, look at that.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ever since Minecraft you have this big ego.

[Gordon Dixon]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll tell you what, Neil, I'm going to send you upstairs to the little

[Chris O'Connor]

boy and you're going to perform in front of the booker of this club, Adamiga, with 10 years of experience.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'll see if you can buckle down and give them a good set. You could be a regular old comedian here if you do good. There goes Neil Rubenstein, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's get another bucket. Pull up here, shall we? All right, we know this young buck, he does work here. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Riley Gilmore, everyone. Riley Gilmore.

[Riley Gilmore]

The other day I got a sad ending massage. They jizzed on me. So it was just gotta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the fuck, dude?

[Riley Gilmore]

Fucking Groupon. Mom, can you pick me up? Not going back there, but that place sucks. I was thinking about that phrase, thoughts and prayers. It's like people said after tragedy, they're like, I send you my thoughts and my prayers. I get send your prayers, that makes sense. But it's like you want to send your thoughts, say yeah, Praying for your family tits. Thinking about getting a bike.

[Chris O'Connor]

What else?

[Riley Gilmore]

Fucking might have lasagna later, but fucking lasagna titties. That'd be cool, but. All right, that's it for me, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you very much. Wow, an unbelievable minute from Riley Gilmore. Incredible.

[Chris O'Connor]

You've been on this show a few times, right?

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah, back in the 80s.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hell yeah. It's been a long time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It has been.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was back in the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With the Vulcan days, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

How's it been going? Dude, chill, bro. I love it. I don't know, I love it. Fantastic. What else, Riley? Tell us something interesting about you or your life that we would find.

[Riley Gilmore]

I've been gardening. Okay, you guys with that, I don't

[Chris O'Connor]

know what Are you growing over there?

[Riley Gilmore]

Squash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Riley Gilmore]

Berries. Blackberries.

[Mike IO]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah. So that's pretty much it.

[Chris O'Connor]

But have you been eating your.

[Cam Patterson]

Almost.

[Riley Gilmore]

They're almost ready. Gotta.

[Chris O'Connor]

How big is the squash right now? Oh, hot. That's hot.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah. Remind you of anything?

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Poncho]

Yeah.

[Heidi]

This is a great look for chasing children out of your berry farm.

[Riley Gilmore]

I'm trying to keep those kids away. They keep.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, man. Mr. Gilmore's looking through the window. Let's get out of here.

[Cam Patterson]

Ron.

[Heidi]

It's Old man Gilmore. Yeah, but great set, man.

[Riley Gilmore]

Thanks. What are you guys up to?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's one of the all time great moments in this show's history. That is the first 12 years. Hundreds and hundreds of episodes. Thousands of different guests and bucket poles. It is the first time anyone over there has asked us what we're up to. It's the first time for everything, it turns out.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go with it, man. We're podcasting. We're podcasting. Dude, just chill. Oh, hell yeah. I love it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tell us about being a comedian in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Riley Gilmore]

It's a crazy life. You know, a lot. Lots of pussy.

[Poncho]

No.

[Riley Gilmore]

Basically, I just have to take out the trash after you guys leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

I do see you doing that a lot. Yeah, I love it. You are like the trash guy.

[Riley Gilmore]

Do you ask for that trash guy around here?

[Chris O'Connor]

Do you ask for that?

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah, no, they promoted me. I used to work recycling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But

[Riley Gilmore]

no, I just love it. You know, I love cleaning

[Ray Cheneby]

and.

[Riley Gilmore]

So I'll get you later, bro. I got you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[John Dees]

I used to be a trash guy. I love being the trash.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah, dude.

[John Dees]

I would speak beers out when I was taking the trash out, and I would just drink.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[Riley Gilmore]

You gotta squirt it at the end up.

[John Dees]

Smoke a cigarette by the trash.

[Chris O'Connor]

I've never been a trash guy, but I was known as the garbage guy a couple months ago

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in the news.

[Riley Gilmore]

Nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

Riley, give us one more crazy fun fact about your life.

[Riley Gilmore]

I can do a good lion impression.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, this is very exciting. Let's get the lighting right. Kino, hit us with that single spot. Ladies and gentlemen, we've. This is the first ever time in the show's history where we've had an impression of a lion. Riley is very excited. He has a lion's mane filled with carrot tops, pubic hair lining his chin. There's nobody better to do a lion impression than him. And this is that moment Riley Gilmore does his lion.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this is what it sounds like. Okay, I guess it's a.

[Riley Gilmore]

This is a thank you thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's more of a.

[Chris O'Connor]

More of a snake, perhaps.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Darth Vader getting hit in the nuts.

[Riley Gilmore]

I need to drink more water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's a very parched lion, Libby.

[Riley Gilmore]

Can I try it again?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you want, you want. So this guy's offering some water? Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

The stranger in the front row.

[Riley Gilmore]

Thanks, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

There it is.

[Riley Gilmore]

Some $15 water right here.

[Chris O'Connor]

Should be very good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not lying.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right, here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, this is. This sounds like Neil Rubenstein adjusting his sleep apnea mask in the middle of the night. I'm not even that big. I mean, I'm not even that big. Here he is, doing the lion one more time. Ladies and gentlemen, anything can happen. This is Kill Tony, and this is Riley Gilmore's lion.

[Riley Gilmore]

I can't do it. I can't do it.

[Chris O'Connor]

I can't do it.

[Riley Gilmore]

It was so good in the lobby. All right, that's it.

[Chris O'Connor]

This is.

[Heidi]

Man, he had it right up until the lion impression. God damn it.

[John Dees]

I think we got to sanitize that microphone.

[Chris O'Connor]

This guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I lost his lion voice. What lyrics did you write for Taking back Sunday?

[Riley Gilmore]

Let me try to save it. I'll do an owl.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, you know what happens here.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're lying ain't working.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go with the owl. We've never had this before. Hundreds of episodes.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tens of thousands of episodes of hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first ever owl impression in guil Tony history. Brace yourselves for the owl of Riley Gilmore. Wow. We're getting word we are up for the first ever podcast Emmy. Unbelievable. Ryland, I'd love to have you on the secret show next week. Thanks, brother. You have one of these?

[Chris O'Connor]

You already got one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there you go. Riley Gilmore. Wow. How much fun are we having tonight, huh? This is a fun episode, and we have pure momentum.

[Chris O'Connor]

So why don't we do something fun and special? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you right now one of the greatest regulars in the show's history. Ladies and gentlemen, he. It's been a long time since he's been on this show. Here to grace us with a new minute, Kill Tony legend. Kill Tony legendary regular. Make some goddamn noise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans K. Hey, what's up?

[Chris O'Connor]

It's good to be here.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you, sir. I am Hans Kim. That's my. And I am Asian. Or as I'm known in Texas, I'm Chinese. So there will be 145% tariff added to your bill.

[Poncho]

Tonight,

[Hans Kim]

take a good look at this shirt. You're gonna have to make it soon. Love Seeing Trump do optional side quests for no reason. It's like watching a cat play Oregon Trail trying to get a mineral deal out of Ukraine. What is this guy? Cam Patterson. I'm not retarded, but I want your ox. I blame the Democrats. Why would you send a woman out against Trump? This guy grabs women by the pussy. He's got a finishing move.

[Cam Patterson]

He's 2.

[Hans Kim]

0 against women right now. He's the best transgender athlete we have. All right, that's my time. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was Hans Kim. That was Hans. Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim.

[Chris O'Connor]

That was Hans Kim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hans, welcome back.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A fantastic set.

[Hans Kim]

Good to be back.

[Chris O'Connor]

Everybody loved it. Absolutely amazing. One of the greatest interviewees in the history of the show. Look at the way that you look at me. Look how just perfect you are. You're focused. You're ready for anything. Let's check in with the panel here. Chris o', Connor, what do you think about.

[John Dees]

I was just gonna say it's hard to see. It's hard to see the way he looks at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. He looks like he's in round 15 of one of those old boxing matches. His eyes are swollen shut.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is absolutely incredible.

[Heidi]

It looks like he's wearing, like, racist disguise glasses. That's nuts.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hans, catch us up. How's life been going for you?

[Hans Kim]

It's been going pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Good to be back. You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Geez. Got a little attitude to him.

[Chris O'Connor]

Don't know if I like that.

[Hans Kim]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tell us about your life, Hans. It's been a while since you've been on. It's been great material.

[Hans Kim]

Been domesticated.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Hans Kim]

I have a cat stroller now.

[Chris O'Connor]

You have a what?

[Hans Kim]

I have a stroller for my two cats.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my God. That is incredible.

[Heidi]

Raising them like ve.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chris O'Connor]

How. I didn't even know you had cats.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, my girlfriend, she has a couple friends that can't take care of the cats, so they gave them to her.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you have just formerly owned cats?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, used cats.

[Chris O'Connor]

Used cats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just sloppy seconds.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just beat up pussy. Are they nice? Are they nice cats?

[Hans Kim]

They're very nice. They're great cats. One's fat and old. It's like a dog. It's kind of dumb.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah, I could see. It's like us. It's like us, Red man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One's fat and old, the other one gay as fuck.

[Heidi]

Red.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ben, you got Me. Wow. Boom. I don't know if I'll ever recover from that one. Out. Ouch. Red band giving thumbs up to the photographer. It's an incredible moment. Troy Conrad, world famous comedy photographer, right there in the moment. Red Bands magic moment.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right, Hans, catch us up with what else has been going on. You have a cat stroller, so you walk your cats.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, they hate it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Why do you do that? It seems like they wouldn't like that. They're house cats, right?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, but it's like every creature dreams of freedom, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

And it's like you're taking them out in a rolling prison, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They can't get out.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, they're so.

[Chris O'Connor]

Connor, what do you think about this?

[John Dees]

It's fucking psychotic. Walking cats in a cage also, what

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

if someone sees you?

[John Dees]

It's the gayest shit in the world.

[Chris O'Connor]

Are you at all worried about your reputation? The paparazzi saying, we got Hans TMZ

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and we got HANS Kim walking two cats down 6th Street.

[Hans Kim]

I feel like that's content, you know, it's like, you know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

breaking news is

[Mike IO]

up there with the hula hoop.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is incredible. Perhaps you can let the hula hoop girl borrow your cats and they can chase down the hundreds of cockroaches that she has. Hans, anything else we should know about you before moving on?

[Hans Kim]

I hung out with Heath yesterday. We got drunk. Heath Cortez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love Heath Cordes around here. Fresh off of playing Elon Musk's son on the Netflix.

[Chris O'Connor]

Kill Tony?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, he's. He drinks a lot of alcohol.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He does. This is not a joke. That little shit fucking pounds them down.

[Hans Kim]

Is Jello shots last night, which is weird. Doing Jello shots of someone that looks like a child.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is. It is.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is crazy. He's a fun guy to drink with, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he does.

[Chris O'Connor]

He fucking throws him back. It doesn't make much sense, but the boy can drink.

[Hans Kim]

He's a good guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's a good guy.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. I put him in a Waymo, which is cool.

[John Dees]

No driver, also not a good look.

[Chris O'Connor]

So he got trashed and you just put him in the back of a driverless car?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Did you select the destination of that car?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I controlled it the whole time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow,

[Chris O'Connor]

that is frightening.

[Heidi]

There wasn't enough room in the cat stroller.

[Josh Gideon]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tim Butterly. I love it. Hans, you did it again. Fantastic set. Fantastic goddamn interview. One of the legends of the Kill Tony universe, Hans Kim.

[Chris O'Connor]

Back to the bucket we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, Hans was found out of the bucket. All of our regulars Were once discovered out of the bucket.

[Chris O'Connor]

And your next comedian could be the next big discovery. Anything can happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Back to the bucket we go. It's a one word name. Make some noise for Poncho, everybody.

[Chris O'Connor]

I do believe it's the Kill Tony debut of Poncho.

[Poncho]

You know what's the worst time to be a. When you're hiding it from your wife and kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Colin Sledge]

Oh.

[Poncho]

That's all you get for free. Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Poncho, you have. You have 34 seconds left.

[Heidi]

You're killing.

[Poncho]

If you're gonna cheat on me, cheat on me with a lesbian. You know why? That way I know you really never got penetrated by a big, veiny, real dick. Y' all were just playing with dildos and licking each other. Yeah, I should have ended earlier.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still have 10 seconds.

[Chris O'Connor]

Poncho, do another joke. Poncho, what's on?

[Josh Gideon]

Going.

[Chris O'Connor]

Going on? Do you know what show you're at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus, Poncho.

[Chris O'Connor]

What kind of Mexican named Poncho tries

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to do one third of the necessary work and then leave? What the is going on here? I'm doing this for free.

[Poncho]

This is free. This is what you get for free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Even if I was paying people to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

get pulled out of the bucket, I

[Chris O'Connor]

wouldn't give you anything right now.

[John Dees]

True.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, Poncho, let's talk about it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Poncho]

Three and a half years.

[Chris O'Connor]

Three and a half years. And you literally have 20 hot seconds of material.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where.

[Chris O'Connor]

Where were these three and a half years?

[Poncho]

At LA. And I actually performed part of my minute in front of you. When you were in Ontario, you brought. You brought me up. I was one of the people on the stage. And you're like, I can't believe you thought this was gonna work. And then everyone laughed and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, I don't remember this.

[John Dees]

Yeah, I'll show him.

[Poncho]

Because you asked me like, you.

[Heidi]

You asked me like, hey, what do

[Poncho]

you do for work? And I'm like, I do comedy. And you just laughed at me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do you remember this?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[Mike IO]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

And you gave me a minute and

[Chris O'Connor]

I fucked up at the end of the show. I gave you a minute.

[Poncho]

Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that was. That was bad then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Poncho, this was many years ago, right?

[Poncho]

Like two years ago.

[Chris O'Connor]

Couldn't have been two years ago. I remember every improv.

[Poncho]

Ontario. Or the other one.

[Heidi]

Brea. Or Brea.

[Poncho]

My bad. I.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It doesn't really matter.

[Poncho]

Doesn't matter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about a Poncho.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work? Valet You're a real valet guy In Long Beach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In Long Beach.

[Poncho]

I'm from la.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. So what's your favorite car to.

[Poncho]

To valet driving? The car is rough. I love to do that. Yeah, don't valet your cars because you get a Mexican like me to do it. I don't care about my job, so.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, Poncho, Poncho.

[Heidi]

What's the nicest car you've ever taken a joyride in?

[Poncho]

That's a good question. Lamborghini Urus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Chris O'Connor]

You drove somebody's Lamborghini?

[Poncho]

Yeah, and then I figured out it was just an Audi. Just feels like an Audi. So I would prefer an Audi R8, you know, like an RS.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Josh Gideon]

Over.

[Chris O'Connor]

And what do you drive in real Life?

[Poncho]

Toyota Solara 2005. Shit's clean. Clean title.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's just like an Audi.

[Poncho]

No, no, no, don't compare it.

[Chris O'Connor]

If it was up to Trump, you'd be Audi to country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So stupid. I just came from Mexico.

[Poncho]

I actually visited Mexico. The Mexicans that are going to get deported, they're going to be all right, bro. Mexico's awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you stay at a resort somewhere? No. What did you win? An all inclusive vacation. You're like, this isn't bad. I went to the Rancho.

[Poncho]

I went to the Rancho to go visit my family. My mom's from Tepee Nayari and. Oh, nobody.

[John Dees]

I hate when they switch like that.

[Heidi]

Yeah, doing that fucking avatar talk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mexico.

[John Dees]

Shut up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My mother's from Huevos Rancheros.

[Chris O'Connor]

Where's your mother from?

[Poncho]

Tepee Nayari.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's close to.

[Poncho]

It's close to Puerto Vallarta.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tapatio, what do you think is the most Mexican thing about you?

[Poncho]

That's a good question. I think it's, I'm lazy, not his

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

work ethic, says Michael. I'm really lazy. I'm really lazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Michael.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Throwing his own people under La Autoboost.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, what else?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Poncho.

[Chris O'Connor]

Why do you go by the name Poncho?

[Poncho]

Because so people won't confuse me by. Confuse me with Arabians or like any other brown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think people would think you're Arabian?

[Poncho]

They do think I'm Arabian. They think I'm hairy or something.

[John Dees]

It's probably the laziness.

[Poncho]

So I say Pancho so people be

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, oh, no, he's the only time people would think you're Arabian is if they see you joy riding around in a Lamborghini.

[Chris O'Connor]

Poncho.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go, buddy. Here's a little joke book. Oh, my goodness gracious. Oh, and he gives the Crowd the finger Poncho. Poncho with a complete heel turn. Oh my God. Poncho turn. Turning on the crowd. Heidi is here to fix it. Oh my goodness. And then a hero comes along. Poncho leaving with double birds.

[Chris O'Connor]

Double Mexican birds for free. Absolutely. Absolutely incredible. All right, your next bucket pool goes

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

by the name of Jordan Pablo, everyone.

[Chris O'Connor]

Jordan Pablo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having fun here today. From Poncho to Pablo.

[Josh Gideon]

Hello guys. I couldn't tell my ex girlfriend what I was into in the bedroom cuz then none of her friends would wear open toed shoes around me. I, I've been in the, the closet for a long time about my foot fetish cuz I was smelling all the shoes. Yeah, I don't know what you guys are trying to do when you meet the right lady. I'm just trying to get off on the right foot. I don't know, even when I get with a girl, I don't even know what to fucking do. I was with this girl the other day, she's like, choke me, choke me. I'm like, is it that bad? She's like, no, I've been bad. I was like, no, you were great. Thank you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, 48 seconds of Jordan Pablo.

[Chris O'Connor]

Jordan, welcome to the show. This is your first time here?

[Josh Gideon]

Yes, sir.

[Chris O'Connor]

How long you been on stand up?

[Josh Gideon]

5 ish years.

[Chris O'Connor]

Years. Where at?

[Josh Gideon]

Colorado.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work?

[Josh Gideon]

Waiter back there now I have no job. Doordash.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, yeah, you're a waiter back there now you have no job. Door dash. So you live here now. Trying to put this together in order. That's a weird answer.

[Josh Gideon]

Yes sir. Yes sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

You live here?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah, I just moved here.

[Chris O'Connor]

How long have you lived here?

[Colin Sledge]

A week.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

What have you seen about the, what do you know, what have you seen?

[John Dees]

I don't know if you're interested in a valet job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think one just opened up.

[Poncho]

I don't know.

[Josh Gideon]

I did Acid Wednesday and I went to the, the little room over there and I, I was talking just like you. I had no idea what I was doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. Well, that's the end of your career. No, no, no. All right, Jordan, what do you do for fun?

[Josh Gideon]

I like to go see concerts, comedy shows, lsd. Sometimes I try to talk.

[Chris O'Connor]

Are you really into feet as much as you've implied?

[Josh Gideon]

No, I, I, that's crazy. You noticed that, like I only like. No, I like, I just want to give my girlfriend a massage after a long day. My algorithm shows me a lot of them, but other Than that. I'm kind of. I don't know. I don't like kids. I. I just like that they look defeat.

[John Dees]

But your algorithm's showing you a lot of feet.

[Chris O'Connor]

Because staring at the pictures of feet.

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[John Dees]

And liking them. And messaging the girls.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

I don't know.

[Josh Gideon]

I like them, but, like, it's hard to admit that to any girls, so I ease my way into it. I tiptoe into it.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right, what else about you, Jordan?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Any hobbies or anything interesting? Interesting?

[Josh Gideon]

My. My parents own cattle in the ranch in Mexico.

[Chris O'Connor]

Are you Mexican?

[Josh Gideon]

I'm Mexican, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Okay.

[John Dees]

What'd you think of the last guy?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah, that's my cousin. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, Jordan. So you're door dashing. How's door dashing? Going in on? Horrible.

[Josh Gideon]

Like, the pin, like, is, like, just, like, way off. I never know which apartment number to go to or the building numbers are just all block compared to Colorado.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah, I think.

[Colin Sledge]

I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

They're not in, like, order here.

[Josh Gideon]

A weird order. I don't know. That I don't understand.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. That's interesting. You find this to be a thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you doing it downtown? Is that you're doordashing downtown?

[Neil Rubenstein]

No.

[Josh Gideon]

Freaking north side. A lot of stuff.

[Chris O'Connor]

Lugerville.

[Josh Gideon]

Yes, Lugerville.

[Patrick Christopher]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My nest cam.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah.

[Josh Gideon]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's red band that you've been delivering. The Duke of Doordash. I love it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Jordan, what's your love life like in real life?

[Josh Gideon]

Oh, it's kind of bad. I just, like. I clean to girls I like. I find a girl and she likes me. I pretend I love her, and then I just. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah. It's kind of. I'm a coward. I don't know. I don't know how to admit what I actually like. I don't know how to, like. I'm afraid of conflict. It's a dumb thing.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Heidi]

What's the furthest you've gone out of your comfort zone for these women?

[Chris O'Connor]

Good question.

[Josh Gideon]

I don't know. When I was 14 in Mexico, like,

[Chris O'Connor]

were you Impreto Volater?

[Josh Gideon]

It was a quinceanera. And, like, my cousins were, like, egging me on. They're like, you gotta make the band dedicate a song to her. And I was like, can you do that? And I just met this girl, and they're like, he loves you very much. And then they played, like, a really dirty, like, sex song. It was super weird. Yeah. That's the best I've done.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible. Jordan, what's the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?

[Josh Gideon]

Smoke weed.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really? That's the last.

[Josh Gideon]

Smoke weed and talk to you or no, watch.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Watch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Smoke weed and talk to me? Is that what you just said?

[Chris O'Connor]

Am I hearing this right? Am I tripping?

[John Dees]

I'm starting to think this feet thing is really just.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah,

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[John Dees]

He loves.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[John Dees]

Tell these girls about your foot thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No,

[Josh Gideon]

no, I just. I watch you. I'm a huge fan. I watch Tik Tok. That's my last thing I do. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you fall asleep watching this show?

[Josh Gideon]

Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Adorable. Adorable.

[John Dees]

That's. You should have lied about that. That's what you should have lied about.

[Josh Gideon]

Makes my dick hard, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, incredible.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do your parents support you doing comedy?

[Josh Gideon]

They do. They haven't heard a lot of my jokes, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

How old are you?

[Josh Gideon]

25.

[Chris O'Connor]

25. Okay. Well, there you go. You're right on pace. Jordan, here's a little joke book for you. There you go. Congratulations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On to the next one we go. Oh, some Mexican music they like. That means the band likes Jordan. Pablo. Notice poncho did not get that kind of treatment. All right, your next comedian goes by the name of Gordon Dixon. Everyone, Gordon Dixon.

[Gordon Dixon]

Make some noise, Austin.

[Cam Patterson]

Let's go.

[Gordon Dixon]

Florida is in the. I just moved from Florida. Anybody from Florida in here? There's three people in here that can't read. That's what we. I took a girl on a date yesterday. She got a. She got a T bone steak. I ordered a filet McNiggin. That's how I knew she's. Oh, you're from Florida. I said, you racist. Anyways, Austin's weird. I've been here a year now. I just found out that my roommates were swingers.

[Colin Sledge]

That's awkward.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah, I found out the hard way. I woke up to them having sex on top of me. That's not. Whole room smelling like booty hole on corn chips. I knew, but I'm single, so of course I fucked. You know what I mean? I fucked raw, too. I didn't give a fuck. That is what you do when you have old people with dementia. That's what you do. You fuck old people. And after I came to my senses, I was like, listen, mom and Dad, y' all gotta get outta here. All right? That is. I don't think I could get better than that. That's my time.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm going to Dixie, yo. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gordon Dixon, his own mother and father.

[Gordon Dixon]

When in Florida. When in Florida.

[Chris O'Connor]

That is wild. Florida, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Parents.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gordon, welcome to the show. How long have you been Doing comedy.

[Gordon Dixon]

Almost six years now in July.

[Chris O'Connor]

Six years? Where at?

[Gordon Dixon]

Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a state.

[Gordon Dixon]

Tampa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I started in Tampa.

[Gordon Dixon]

Side splitters. Try out the size.

[Chris O'Connor]

You still live there?

[Gordon Dixon]

No, no, I live here now. I live here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

How long have you lived here?

[Gordon Dixon]

About a year now.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you love about Austin, Texas?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everything.

[Gordon Dixon]

It's crazy out here. I love it. Everyone's on some. So I'm on too now. I do edibles now. It's a good time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, everyone's on some.

[Gordon Dixon]

Everyone's is on something.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What do you do for work?

[Gordon Dixon]

I work at Shakespeare's, the bar over next door. I'm a door guy. Bartender? Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Amazing.

[Gordon Dixon]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Come see me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What do you do for fun, Gordon? Other than edibles?

[Gordon Dixon]

Other than. Oh, I like karaoke. I'm a karaoke guy. Really terrible at singing, but I like karaoke.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, what's your go to song?

[Gordon Dixon]

Oh, my go to song is Get Low by Flo Rider and T Pain. There's nothing better than a girl with apple bottom jeans with a booty. That's what I'm saying. A lot of dudes in the front, but there's some girls in the ass here. I know it, I know it. At least three. The ones from Florida, I know they got ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you do a line of the

[Chris O'Connor]

from this song for us?

[Gordon Dixon]

I can't. I can't. Shorty had him. Apple bottom.

[Chris O'Connor]

GG's.

[Gordon Dixon]

Boost with the fur.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The whole club will look at her. She hit the floor. Wow. Perfect. Just out of tune enough for us to not set off the algorithm on YouTube that will dock the entire payment of the episode and give it to T Pain.

[Gordon Dixon]

Oh yeah, gotta love T Pain.

[Chris O'Connor]

Florida pain, baby. Florida pain. Tallahassee, whatever. Okay, what do you miss most about Florida?

[Gordon Dixon]

The beaches. I miss the beaches. Y' all don't got nothing out here. This is terrible out here for water.

[Chris O'Connor]

What did you like to do at the beaches?

[Gordon Dixon]

I'd like to just be on the beach. I'm 40, so I like to watch people. I'm a creepy old 40 year old. I'll just be yeah, girl. Especially when and they got a thong and ass. I be like, yeah, girl. 20 years ago, I'll you

[Cam Patterson]

now I

[Gordon Dixon]

just beat off to the memory.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm like, yeah, this is wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely wild.

[Gordon Dixon]

I love it.

[Cam Patterson]

Incredible.

[Heidi]

Tim, I'm not a watch guy. Is that a very nice watch he's wearing?

[Chris O'Connor]

That is a watch off of Amazon. That looks like a very nice watch, am I right?

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah, it's a fake Shop. It's a fake shop. It's f. Shock. That's what they call it. Yeah. Cost me $10. All y'. All, this look good.

[Patrick Christopher]

He.

[Cam Patterson]

He thought it was real.

[Gordon Dixon]

I just want white people to think I have some real. That's all I want.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, I knew the second you came out here was the first thing I noticed.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm like, look at that fake ass watch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably from Florida. And there he goes, I'm from Florida.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's up?

[Gordon Dixon]

It is straight. Cam sold me it when I met him in Orlando. Cam was like, I got a watch for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to watch?

[Gordon Dixon]

I was like, I'll take it a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He didn't suck.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gordon, what's the craziest thing you've seen over at Shakespeare's? Right next door here? Sixth street is crazy. This is famously. So the 36. This is insanity all the time.

[Gordon Dixon]

I think a black blind guy is the craziest thing I saw. No, I saw a homeless dude jerk off for 30 minutes outside.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30 minutes outside of Mothership, by the way.

[Gordon Dixon]

And I had to. Yeah, jerked off. I was looking at him because I didn't know what the fuck he was doing, and he was jerking off and looking at me. And we made eye contact and came together. That's how I knew. This is Austin

[John Dees]

lying to the people. Seeing you look at him.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Dees]

Why are you looking over there? I just can't tell what he's doing.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's crazy that a guy is horny enough to jerk off on 6th street, yet not horny enough to come in under 30 minutes.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah, I know. And I was watching them, too. I feel like my eyes are good enough for you to come whenever I watch you. That's crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, I mean, what was the last

[Heidi]

five minutes of that like?

[Gordon Dixon]

It was. It was ecstasy, cuz.

[Cam Patterson]

My.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you hopeful?

[Heidi]

Were you kind of like, rooting for him to not finish?

[Gordon Dixon]

I was hard as. So we were having fun together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, but seriously, did he come?

[Chris O'Connor]

Did you see him come?

[Gordon Dixon]

I don't know. I called the cops, right? I was like, that's.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's crazy.

[Gordon Dixon]

It's fun of Mitzy, man, you disrespecting m like that. That's crazy, bro.

[John Dees]

30 minutes into it, you're. I should probably call.

[Gordon Dixon]

Wasn't 30 minutes. It was like 25. But after that, it was like, yeah, that's enough, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you got this big, bro.

[Gordon Dixon]

I was like, you call that a dick?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm like, let me.

[Heidi]

Let me show you a real dick.

[Gordon Dixon]

Come on. I'm black. When they were carrot counts.

[John Dees]

Checked in at the 10 minute markers. Like, come on, dude, finish.

[Chris O'Connor]

And he was still going.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

The cops came before he did.

[Gordon Dixon]

He stopped for the cops come. He saw the cops coming. He was like, oh, let me put it away. I was like, oh, I'm miserable now. Wow, I miss him. He was a good guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Incredible. And if you had to describe this guy, what exactly did he look like?

[Gordon Dixon]

The guy, he didn't have that hat on, but I'm sure he had that tattoo right there. He definitely had that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? That's him. All right.

[Gordon Dixon]

You want to do the secret show? I'm like, yeah, keep going. Right, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do it then.

[Gordon Dixon]

Love you, red man. I've been in your green room. Don't kick me out the next time you see me.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, we like you, Gordon.

[Gordon Dixon]

Thank you.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're a good guy. What ethnicity are you?

[Gordon Dixon]

My dad is African and German and my mother is Cape Verdean, which is African and Portuguese mix. So I'm white and white, black and white, White, white, black and white.

[Chris O'Connor]

Black and white.

[John Dees]

I'm a white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm a white.

[Gordon Dixon]

I'm half of you and half of him. Where there's. If you two, I'll come out. That's what happens.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you think is the whitest thing about you?

[Gordon Dixon]

The white My name, Gordon. That is the whitest thing about me.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you think is the blackest thing about you?

[Gordon Dixon]

Definitely my credit score. It is 69, so. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I will because here you go, Gordon.

[Chris O'Connor]

Thanks for swinging by.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Oh, Jesus.

[Gordon Dixon]

That's the widest thing about that's the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

widest part about you. The catching ability of Gordon Dixon. We're having fun here tonight. We are blasting through this episode. Everything is running very smoothly.

[Chris O'Connor]

Your next bucket pool goes by the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

name of Patrick Christopher, everyone.

[Chris O'Connor]

Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We still having fun out there.

[Patrick Christopher]

Austin, what is up? How you doing? Hell, yeah, man. So I've been married for 12 years, so I'm ready to start dating again. I want to know what love is, you know? Nah, my wife's my best friend. There's nothing sad about that. But she makes jokes, too. She has jokes of her own too, you know, like anytime she's feeling her age, feeling old, she's like, oh, just trade men already, you know, just trade me in for a newer model. Like, she's a car, right? And I love my wife. I would never trade her in. I do want to get a rental, though, you know, something fun, something new to me. Maybe something yellow. A lot of people don't get that joke, man. I had one lady yell out, what about a blue one? It's like, how you know I like choking bitches.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yes. Patrick. Christopher. Hell yeah. Thumbs up to the band, Patrick. Welcome.

[Chris O'Connor]

Chris o'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Connor.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you think about this guy, Patrick?

[John Dees]

Christopher. I did not expect you to walk out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, dude.

[Patrick Christopher]

I get a lot of gigs that way. Sometimes I think they get in a black guy. I was like, well, I say it. All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it. You're funny. How long you been doing stand up?

[Patrick Christopher]

Seven years.

[Chris O'Connor]

Seven years? Where at?

[Patrick Christopher]

San Antonio.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Patrick Christopher]

Yeah. Actually, do y' all remember I did the kill Tony, like seven years ago?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I don't remember that.

[Patrick Christopher]

Red band knows we had a moment

[Chris O'Connor]

and you guys remember each other. Would you guys eat food together? Eat food together?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Roast. God, Tony, what did you guys eat? Writer of thirteen, Comedy Central.

[Chris O'Connor]

Rose, what did you eat? All right, Patrick, what do you do for work?

[Patrick Christopher]

I work for a medical clinic. I do insurance.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that's a lie.

[Patrick Christopher]

No, no, no, that's very true. It's very sad because I was doing comedy full time and then I had to get a real job, so that's.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Your wife is also Latino?

[Patrick Christopher]

Yes. Latina?

[Josh Gideon]

Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

What does she do?

[Patrick Christopher]

She's a server.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Yep, she's Latino. All right. And you have kids?

[Patrick Christopher]

No kids.

[Chris O'Connor]

No kids. Let me ask you something, because this is a anomaly. How do 2 married for 12 years Latinos not have kids?

[Patrick Christopher]

I got. I got her fixed after we got married.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, okay. You got her fixed or you got fixed?

[Patrick Christopher]

No, I got her fixed.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my goodness gracious. Look at that.

[Patrick Christopher]

She had cancer. We had to deal with it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Patrick Christopher]

Don't back up now.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Patrick Christopher]

12 years in remission?

[Chris O'Connor]

Hell yeah.

[Patrick Christopher]

Zero kids.

[Chris O'Connor]

Zero kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she had what, ovarian cancer?

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was that tough to go through?

[Chris O'Connor]

How long were you not allowed to her for?

[Patrick Christopher]

It's been 12 years.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're a funny guy.

[Patrick Christopher]

Thank you, man. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

My goodness gracious. Abs, what do you like to do for fun?

[Patrick Christopher]

When I'm not doing comedy, I play drums.

[Josh Gideon]

I used.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No fucking way. No way. A Mexican that plays drums and is funny. This is a Mexican drama. You guys know how this works? Patrick does about a 20 to 30

[Chris O'Connor]

or so second or so solo. If the audience decides that his solo is better than Michael Gonzalez's solo, then, my friends, Patrick, Christopher will have to move from San Antonio to Austin to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

be the full time drummer of Kil Tony. If Michael Gonzalez loses, he will have to Move to San Antonio and the barren vagina of Patrick Christopher's wife. Anything can happen. This is Kill Tony. And this is a Mexican drum off. And this is Patrick Christopher.

[Gordon Dixon]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crowd goes wild. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Chris O'Connor]

Chris, what do you think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All that not really paid off. Yeah, that guy's got absolute heavy on the drums. Yeah, a lot of pent up energy and testosterone. Patrick, get back out here. John D. Said, come out here. Watch this ass whooping. The band all backs each other up. I get to hear. We get to hear a lot of fun stuff that you guys don't always get to hear. They defend each other. Patrick, that was a fantastic drum solo. But now the all time, undefeated, all time Mexican drum Off, reigning defending champion of Kiltoni, this is Michael Gonzalez. Wow. Wow, wow. We'll be wet back after these messages. All right, come on. All right, how many of you have Patrick Christopher winning this Mexican drama? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? No doubt about it.

[Chris O'Connor]

No doubt about it. Patrick, get back up there. How do you feel right now, Patrick?

[Patrick Christopher]

Out of breath, Dude, I'm out of shape, dude. I said I played drew drums. I don't play drums currently.

[Neil Rubenstein]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a funny guy, Patrick. You know, I've never done this. I've never done this twice in one

[Chris O'Connor]

night, but I'm seven years of comedy. Everything you've done has been funny. I'm gonna send you up to have Adam me get look at you as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're going straight up to do a spot in front of the booker of the mothership right now.

[Patrick Christopher]

Right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right now. And I'd love to have you on the secret show next week. And here's the big joke boat. Patrick Christopher, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God, what a episode this is.

[Heidi]

Also, can you put in a good word with Adam for me when you get up there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even Tim hasn't gotten to perform in front of the booker of the mothership. All right, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Ray Cheneby, everybody. Ray Cheneby. Hello.

[Ray Cheneby]

I had sex with my first goth girl recently. That was pretty cool. I could tell she was goth because when she took a shit on my chest, the shit had a piercing. She told me she didn't think cum was good for your skin. Can you believe that? I told her, no, I know that cum is good for your skin because my belly button is glowing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at this shit, bitch. Take a look. Fucking idiot.

[Chris O'Connor]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do mass shootings,

[Ray Cheneby]

But it's with a T shirt gun. I'M the mascot for Texas State.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give it up.

[Ray Cheneby]

But when you open the T shirt, it says, don't come to school tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Ray Cheneby]

I like how Michael Jackson said it

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

didn't matter if you're black or white, and then decided, Wow. Ray Chenevy. My God. Unbelievable. Fantastic.

[Chris O'Connor]

You've been on this show before, right? Right?

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah, it's been a couple years.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. You're much better now.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been working hard.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

How long you been on stand up?

[Ray Cheneby]

Almost four years now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Four years. All of it here in Texas?

[Ray Cheneby]

All of it in Texas, Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Is this where you're born and raised?

[Ray Cheneby]

I was actually born in New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

That makes sense.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Says a absolutely retarded woman in the middle of the crowd. Her mind is completely blown at the fact that you could be from one of the most populous places in the United States. United States of America.

[Heidi]

He doesn't even look that gay.

[Chris O'Connor]

You do have some wacky eyes, do you, Ray? I'm guessing upstate New York, an hour north.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. You have dark, frightening eyes, Ray.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Beautiful belly button, but frightening eyes.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work, Ray?

[Ray Cheneby]

I'm sorry?

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you do for work?

[Ray Cheneby]

I work at the Sunset Strip.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Look at. Oh, look at this. Look at the CEO over here. The boss man, the proud boss.

[Chris O'Connor]

Brian Redband.

[Ray Cheneby]

I do. I do AV there and then. I'm also a AV contractor. Like, I do contract work. I work in hotels and stuff.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's got to be hard to do AV in a place with unbelievably high ceilings. You fill the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fill the room with.

[Ray Cheneby]

I work very hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. It takes a lot of work.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What's it like working for Brian Redban? A lot of people say he's one of the nicest bosses, that he brings his extra donuts and stuff. He's great.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah. My main positive feeling is that after secret Show, I get to steal goodies and weed drinks, so that's nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think he.

[Chris O'Connor]

By the looks of his face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He didn't know that you were doing that, though. Give him four weeks off.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right, I'm.

[Ray Cheneby]

Holy shit. My job.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ray, what do you like to do for fun? Looking absolutely frightening.

[Ray Cheneby]

Let's see. Right now I'm. I'm trying to learn Spanish really hard. Is that lame?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, it's good. What do you know so far?

[Ray Cheneby]

Just the basics. I. I can't really even communicate. It's taking a long.

[John Dees]

We just thought it would be more like letting people on your.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah, I only know those words.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you know how to say?

[Ray Cheneby]

I could say, like,

[Hans Kim]

fuck.

[Ray Cheneby]

I was trying to, like, talk to people in the, in the fucking lair over there about just, like, Shakespeare's. Shakespeare's.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[John Dees]

Doesn't know English that well.

[Ray Cheneby]

I was just trying to talk to them about, like, that. I went to. I was in Cuba for a couple of weeks a long time ago, and that's, like, the one phrase that I know how to talk about is like, oh, I was in Cuba a long time ago. And then they're like, yeah, really? And then they start speaking to me in Spanish, and then I, like. All I do is like. I just.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Audrey Scott]

Oh,

[Ray Cheneby]

see, I do the Chinese eyes or whatever.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right, so absolutely nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know how to say nothing in Spanish?

[Ray Cheneby]

No, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the answer of the question from two and a half minutes ago.

[Ray Cheneby]

You know, it's, you know, it's funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I, I, I never met a

[Heidi]

du Lingo dropout before.

[Ray Cheneby]

I, I do duolingo obsessively. But also, like, I'm pretty good at listening to it because I, I listen to. I, I like listening to. I, I listen to, like, Tom Segura and Espanol over and over again, the same episodes, just to, like, learn. And that's mainly what I do. So I can't really speak, but I can, like, understand when they're talking shit about me in a line. A food truck, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

Right.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right. Anyways, how do, how do you say. How do you say the guy with creepy eyes ordered multiple tacos?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's your love life like, Ray? What do you stare at?

[Ray Cheneby]

Nothing right now. Working on finding someone to stare at. It's been a couple months.

[Riley Gilmore]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like a date. Like, what's the last date you went on? Like, how does that go down? Are you on the apps?

[Ray Cheneby]

I am on the apps. I'm going to hinge. I'm a big hit on that.

[Chris O'Connor]

What is your bio, like, damaged? Your bio say that you work at Sunset Strip?

[Ray Cheneby]

No, I try. And I try and pretend I'm not a comedian because I mostly hook up with liberal chicks that think I, they think I'm a white supremacist. If I'm even a mile within, I'm even remotely close to the place. So I, I lie the whole time. I talk about Palestine and art. I know how to, I really know how to con them into me. And then I go back to. I lie about,

[Heidi]

he's using cheat codes.

[Ray Cheneby]

I talk about, I talk about communism. I talk about The Berlin Wall. I do all that and then just

[John Dees]

every picture of the hinge profile is eyes closed.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah.

[Ray Cheneby]

For a long time my profile was really scary. I didn't, I didn't adjust it the correct way. I had weird. I didn't smile any of my photos and I showed my friend it and they were like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So like, so frightening in this photo.

[Chris O'Connor]

What did that look like? What is you not smiling look like? Show us the. That is scary as hell.

[Ray Cheneby]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have any of the liberal girls that you've hung out with found out that you have common sense?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever been like caught?

[Ray Cheneby]

Well, it's like I. I'll always go on a dates and I'll like, I'll go into it and really I'll try and talk about how I like speaking my mind, use certain language like that. And then I test the waters and sometimes they'll be like, oh no, that's not okay. I'll just be like, oh fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Please fuck me. Please fuck me. I'm gonna shoot up a school if you don't fuck me right? Please help me.

[Ray Cheneby]

I have to like. I give in eventually. I'm just like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wow.

[Ray Cheneby]

Do this for the people of insert high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Ray Cheneby]

Compelling. Yeah.

[John Dees]

Can't imagine how terrified I'd be on a first date if someone was like, I really like to speak my mind, Thinking they're being clever.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow, Ray, anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go?

[Ray Cheneby]

Shit. I guess I'm trying to become a citizen of Slovakia right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. Oh shit. This is some fucking create.

[Heidi]

Heidi, grab the map.

[Ray Cheneby]

There's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a beautiful castle.

[Heidi]

I want to be in a vampire.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is going on in Slovakia to

[Chris O'Connor]

where you are trying to become a citizen?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Guarantee you haven't learned a word of their language yet. Zero percent chance of that. Fucking.

[Ray Cheneby]

It's really a bad language. It's a terrible but. Oh God, if they're listening, I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me in, please.

[Chris O'Connor]

What is it about Slovakia that you want?

[Ray Cheneby]

So I'm. I have like. My ancestors are from there and I want to be able to get citizenship there so I can like own property and then also be able to like work there. So as like a comedian. It's like just a good idea I think if I want.

[John Dees]

How close are you to owning?

[Ray Cheneby]

But not, not just in Slovakia would be anywhere in the EU you get full citizenship.

[Colin Sledge]

So.

[Ray Cheneby]

God, I'm not going to get in now because of this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to own property Slovakia?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Ray Cheneby]

You could own it. Anywhere in the EU if you do that.

[Chris O'Connor]

So where would you buy property?

[Josh Gideon]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could.

[Ray Cheneby]

Like Spain or somewhere.

[Josh Gideon]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that what you would do? This doesn't make any sense.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm just trying to figure it out. So you live in America, you're an American citizen.

[Ray Cheneby]

I would.

[Chris O'Connor]

I would keep the.

[Ray Cheneby]

It's dual citizenship.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sure, I got that. But instead of buying property in the greatest country in the world, you would buy property in, I don't know, anywhere in Europe. Like, don't even have an exact.

[Ray Cheneby]

Spread my wings, you know, Maybe just keep the options. It takes, like, two years to get citizenship.

[Chris O'Connor]

It takes many, many years for you to learn Spanish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, I'm fucked. I have no chance.

[Heidi]

When you start getting booked in Slovakia, could you put in a good word for me, please?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would love to have you on the secret show next week.

[Ray Cheneby]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go. Right, here's the big joke, Buck. All right. One last bucket poll. One last bucket poll. Make some noise for Mike. Ayo, baby. Mike. IO baby. Oh, yeah, here he is, Mike. All right. Yo, bye bye.

[Cam Patterson]

Woo.

[Mike IO]

That's the black dance right there. The Dougie. Don't matter what beat is going on, man. The N going Dougie, man, this is a nice crowd. This is not an open mic for sure. A little bit about myself. IO baby. That's a crazy non American last name right there. Born and raised in Nigeria. Don't get scared when I tell people, dad, they want to put their phones away, man. Think I'm going to send them an email.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's chill.

[Mike IO]

It's not coming. Nah. Being born and raised in Nigeria, man, make you appreciate things that y' all in America take for granted. You know, clean air, clean water. Y' all got nice water here, man. The one in Nigeria. You can see germs and demons in that thing break dancing. You could see Chris Brown in your cup. I'm trying to tell you, man, you take a sip, you don't know what you're gonna catch. You might catch a demon or disease. You might need a doctor or priest, you know, to relieve you of your pain. That's what you might.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Okay, that's my time, Mike.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ayo, baby. How do you say that?

[Mike IO]

Ayo baby. Ayo baby.

[Heidi]

That's a crazy last name for a black guy. Cause it's also the perfect thing to scream at your dad as he's leaving you.

[Mike IO]

Nope. I got a father. Unfortunately.

[Heidi]

You guys have a good night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, Ayo baby.

[Mike IO]

Got a father.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Leafy.

[Mike IO]

Both of them, dad. And mom, they both stay together. It's the African thing, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Mike IO]

Yeah, man, when you poor, you stay together. You don't.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. And they're in Nigeria right now?

[Mike IO]

No, no, they're in Minnesota, freezing they ass off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Mike IO]

Yeah, that's where I landed first, in Minnesota.

[Chris O'Connor]

My goodness. What made you guys go to Minnesota first? You saw the Georgia.

[Mike IO]

Nigeria.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Mike IO]

Have you been to Nigeria?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've been to Minnesota. I'd rather. I'd rather go to Nigeria, to be honest with you.

[Mike IO]

You go to Nigeria, you're gonna want to leave and go anywhere but Nigeria.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes, I think I would fit in just fine there.

[Mike IO]

Oh, Tony, they're gonna smell you right from the plane, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

What does that mean?

[Mike IO]

We can't smell too much?

[Chris O'Connor]

What does that mean? Here we go.

[Patrick Christopher]

How.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old were you when you moved

[Chris O'Connor]

from Nigeria to the United States?

[Mike IO]

I was about 13 years old.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, and what was the biggest difference that you noticed other than white people food? Okay, let's talk about Nigerian food for a second. Tell us about the cuisine of Nigeria. Go ahead, man.

[Mike IO]

We got the. The primary one is fufu.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, sounds good. What's fufu?

[Mike IO]

So fufu is like. It's like a doughy substance. It's made out of yams. You know, you put yams and then you put water. You pound it up and then it's turn.

[Josh Gideon]

It turns.

[Mike IO]

It's like a gangster ass mashed potato.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band. That's the sound effect of flies all around the. The foo foo.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, no. Get out of here. Get out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man.

[Mike IO]

Hey, you know, it be like that, man. You know, when it's hot, the flies come around.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[Mike IO]

But yeah, foo foo. We got that again. It's a doughy substance and then the different kind of soups that you get with it.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it, I love it. What do. How did your parents get American citizenship? Are they part of a special program or something?

[Mike IO]

Something, yeah. Lottery visa. Lottery visa, yeah, lottery visa. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That must be Judge Bush. Okay.

[Mike IO]

Got me here. Republican, baby.

[Chris O'Connor]

George W. Bush, a Republican?

[Mike IO]

Yeah, he signed that thing.

[Chris O'Connor]

No doubt about it. We know him very well. So you went from the Bush because of a Bush?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was waiting on that.

[Mike IO]

I was waiting on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Mike IO]

He took me. Judge Bush took me out the Bush. That's.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you ever seen a lion?

[Mike IO]

Oh, man, we ate them all in Nigeria, man. They ran out, they bounced.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Mike IO]

They went to freaking Botswana. And then where the white people at? They nice over there.

[Chris O'Connor]

Lot of whites.

[Mike IO]

We was grilling them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lot of Whites in Botswana.

[Mike IO]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. What did your dad do for work in Nigeria?

[Mike IO]

Oh, my God. Crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

You work at a Foot Locker?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd imagine there's a lot of them out there.

[Mike IO]

No. Ain't no Foot Locker in Nigeria.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hell no.

[Mike IO]

We'll eat that too. He was a. He was a photographer in Nigeria, which didn't get him a lot of money. That's why we left, like, of animals and stuff, of hungry people. You know, the kids with the fat bellies and their goddamn flies in their eyes.

[Chris O'Connor]

What does he do for work in Minnesota?

[Mike IO]

Oh, man, you nursing home. That's what Africans come here to do. They get right into nursing home.

[Chris O'Connor]

They. They're like nurses.

[Mike IO]

Well, nursing home. So nursing assistants.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right. Okay, okay. That makes sense.

[Heidi]

Racking up easy W's on the patients. I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

You guys have seen the videos about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it.

[Mike IO]

We're the ones looking after the white grandparents. That's what they doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Slapping them around.

[Cam Patterson]

Y.

[Mike IO]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sign your way with this contract. Ying.

[Mike IO]

Take your pill, Mr. Jefferson. Shut up your mouth. Take your pill, bastard. Bring over the next one.

[John Dees]

Just serving foo foo all day.

[Chris O'Connor]

What is this about? My grandma's eating. Why is there flies all over it?

[Mike IO]

She using. Using our hands too. That's. That's one thing you got to do with food. You got to use your hands to eat it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What do you do for work here in America?

[Mike IO]

Oh, man, I did a lot of things. I used to sell cars. I used to work at a factory now in Austin. I. I drive. I drive for Amazon. I do Amazon and then I do Uber on the side again.

[Chris O'Connor]

You went from the Amazon to.

[Mike IO]

To the Amazon?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazon.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely, man.

[Mike IO]

It's just something about that boot and Amazon.

[Chris O'Connor]

Bush to bush. Amazon to Amazon. This is the American dream. What was that? Hey, it was a little jungle bird. That's actually the name of that sound effect is Jungle Bird, man.

[Mike IO]

Yeah. Yes, sir.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it. What do you do for fun, man?

[Heidi]

I bless the reins.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness gracious. He's doing it alive. We're getting word it just started raining outside. It is a downpour here in Austin right now.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike IO]

Hopefully they don't got your goddamn umbrellas. I just summoned them.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely incredible, man.

[Mike IO]

I don't know. I try to stay away from the police. That's what I do for fun, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yep. That must.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a full time job.

[Mike IO]

They're out of them, man. You know, so regular things.

[Chris O'Connor]

What are our thoughts about fat bootied White bitches, man.

[Mike IO]

Oh, this is very good. I like. I like it. I like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like it.

[Mike IO]

I saw a lot of big booty black women in Nigeria, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

What? Do you prefer black or white, man?

[Mike IO]

I don't, man. My dick don't discriminate, man. I accept. I accept any. Any pussy I get right now, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. When's the last time you got pussy?

[Mike IO]

You seem like, I got some coming this weekend.

[Colin Sledge]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got some coming?

[Mike IO]

Yeah, yeah, I got some. I got some pussy. I got some drinks coming this weekend. God damn it. Some.

[John Dees]

Order it through Amazon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Mike IO]

Some coochie on the way.

[Chris O'Connor]

You gotta come in prime, huh? Where's it coming from?

[Mike IO]

Where's it coming from? Yeah, you know, she's Spanish. She's Spanish. You know what I mean? I tried to try something new. Try a little Mexico.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Mike IO]

I've tried black. I was in Minnesota. I tried white a lot out there, you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. What? Do you notice the difference between the white vagina and the black vagina?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Vagina,

[Mike IO]

man.

[Chris O'Connor]

This one's on you.

[Mike IO]

It's white vagina. Like it a little rougher? They like, like a little rougher, man. I don't know. Black women.

[Chris O'Connor]

When you say they like it a little rough, what exactly do you.

[Mike IO]

You could smack a white in the ass and she be cool with it. Black women, they try to take an emissions, man. Oh, that's too hard. Ah, that's too hard, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

You would think. You would think based on history, it would be the other way around.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Hey, yo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey.

[Mike IO]

Hey. Hey, man. How many panthers died for this curtain to look fly right here, man? Any. It's a lot of.

[Chris O'Connor]

Anyway.

[Mike IO]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, Mike, before I let you go, one more crazy thing about your life that makes you different. What's something that you're into or that we would be surprised to know about you?

[Mike IO]

I got a college degree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No way.

[Mike IO]

Yes way. Fucking finished, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Mike IO]

Ain't using it, though. Ain't using it, though. Relax, baby. Social science. I'm working at Amazon.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wow.

[Mike IO]

Shit. Didn't help my black ass.

[Chris O'Connor]

My goodness.

[John Dees]

Where'd you go to school?

[Mike IO]

I went to Winona State University. Well, I went to juco first. I went to junior college first. Rochester, Minnesota. Rochester Technical College and then went to Winona State. The hell is that?

[Heidi]

Did you. Did you say what your major was?

[Mike IO]

Social. Social, actually. Social work. Social major. Yeah, social work. Helping people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very noble.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are awesome. I like your style. The minute was a little rough. You're a little rusty. You could. You're. You got. But you are so charismatic. The interview, absolutely unbelievable. I think you need. You do a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You keep doing spots, keep getting out, keep working it out, and you're gonna be just fine. Mike. IO, baby, you can't even make it up. Ayo, baby. Well, there's only one way to end

[Chris O'Connor]

a show like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William Montgomery is sick. And Ari Matty is in Estonia. So I present to you one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, Ladies and gentlemen, here with yet another new minute. The guy who misses less than anybody.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's always here, never says, hey, can I take a week off? Hey. I don't know. He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His work ethic is unbelievable. He is the undeniable, the one and only. This is Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Without slavery, I could have been that nigga.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yikes.

[Cam Patterson]

I be going to clubs and shit. I go to clubs a lot. And I went to a club recently back home in Florida, and one of the bouncers had, like, had one of the wand things, and he wanded the bottom of my feet. And I left that line immediately, dawg. Cause I don't want to go nowhere. They getting foot pistols in. That's crazy. That's psychopathic. And I. I also have a theory about bouncers. Not the bouncers here, because they are regular people, but I think, like, bouncers anywhere else are all gay. That's what I think. Think they big gay niggas. That's what I think. Big undercover gay niggas. Cause every time I go to a club, they pat me down. They always touch my dick. My dick get touched every single time. And if the club is full, they probably touch 200 dicks. It's a lot of dicks to touch as a straight man. Gay ass nigga. That's crazy. Just gay. And if I was a bouncer, and I'm not. Cause I'm not gay. But if I was. If I was a bouncer and I patted you down, you had a bigger dick than me, I would not let you in the club.

[Mike IO]

No, my girlfriend's in there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, bucko.

[Cam Patterson]

There's gonna be a bunch of little dick niggas doing little dick dances and shit like that. You know what I'm saying? I began to appreciate y'.

[John Dees]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is how it's done. Yet another new minute and some change for Cam motherfucking Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolute anomaly. How are you, Cam?

[Cam Patterson]

I'm good, man. How you feeling?

[Gordon Dixon]

Great.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Such a fucking fun episode tonight, right?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[John Dees]

Yeah,

[Cam Patterson]

been cool to see, dog. That one Mexican that came out and said immediately was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And Psychopathic.

[Cam Patterson]

That was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then it all went downhill from there. He tried to get out 23 seconds into his set.

[Heidi]

Appreciate.

[Chris O'Connor]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good night.

[Chris O'Connor]

That was incredible.

[Cam Patterson]

That's all good.

[Audrey Scott]

Started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It may have been one of the wildest. Like, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

He started with pure heat and then he left with a barrage of booze and double birds.

[Cam Patterson]

He meant that, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, man. He turned on this crowd. Cam, my God, you have been a relentless regular on this show.

[Gordon Dixon]

Appreciate you.

[Chris O'Connor]

And yet you did it again. What's going on in your life now?

[Cam Patterson]

I got a new car. I got two new cars.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, you have two cars. Okay, well, that's not the way we

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

were hoping you would.

[Cam Patterson]

You don't know where they are, though. You don't know where they are.

[Gordon Dixon]

Are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, I'm sure when I find out what they are.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, you'll be more excited.

[Chris O'Connor]

One is a Chevy Impala.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I know that.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I bought 20 inch rims.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, 24.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, 24. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And you wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

96.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. It is an unbelievable car. He insisted that I go to the parking lot and check it out when he got it. And I gotta tell you, I was really proud of you. It was incredible. The.

[Chris O'Connor]

The rings are shiny. The inside is classy as hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of space.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

For.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yep.

[Cam Patterson]

For that car.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yep.

[Cam Patterson]

For that car.

[Chris O'Connor]

For sure.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, that's the car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you done it yet?

[Cam Patterson]

No, but I'm going to. I'm telling you, I'm a that car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Cam Patterson]

And I got, like. I got sauces in me, too, so the seats rattles. Her pussy get wet because like a vibrator, like.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, nigga.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm fucking that car.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. And you have a new car.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

Yep.

[Chris O'Connor]

What is this one?

[Cam Patterson]

I'm on Facebook. Marketplace. Too much. There's a problem. It's a 2014 Infiniti.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. What made you get an Infinity?

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Genetics.

[Cam Patterson]

What did he say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did he say?

[Cam Patterson]

My daddy had an Infinity. My granddaddy had an Infinity. Everybody had Infinities, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your sister Infinity also had an Infinity. To the stage. Infinity.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Chris O'Connor]

Cam. Why would you get a second car?

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you thought about buying property?

[Cam Patterson]

Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

But you.

[Cam Patterson]

I thought about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I ain't.

[Ray Cheneby]

I ain't.

[Cam Patterson]

That's all I did. I thought about it. I'm getting out. We doing shit.

[John Dees]

Okay, well, how do you feel about Slovakia,

[Cam Patterson]

where that's at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't Fucking know.

[Cam Patterson]

What is that?

[Chris O'Connor]

What color is this? Infinity.

[Cam Patterson]

It's like a. It's like a. It's like. I don't even know how to explain.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like.

[Cam Patterson]

It's got a rap on it.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like purple.

[Cam Patterson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. From the second you said infinity, I'm like, I shouldn't ask him the color. It's kind of a boring question in front of millions of viewers. But I'll bet it's purple.

[Chris O'Connor]

I want to ask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet it's.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's purplish.

[Cam Patterson]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know. I can see the color.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like purple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like almost black, but it's got like a purple tint.

[Gordon Dixon]

Pink.

[Chris O'Connor]

Plum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John D's, our senior black correspondent, is saying plum. And we know that it's plum. I can literally. I know you well enough to know the look on your face. I could show you on a. I will have Bread band bring up the color thing and I will show you the color. And you're gonna drop the mic because I'm gonna nail it.

[Cam Patterson]

How you think it's plum? Why do you think it's plum?

[Heidi]

What?

[Cam Patterson]

Why you think it's plum? What make you think it's plum? What makes you believe it's a plum color?

[Josh Gideon]

I don't understand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, that's kind of just like normal. Okay, here. Maybe this one. This chart right here brought up a rainbow.

[Cam Patterson]

That's gay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well,

[Heidi]

dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude with a purple car.

[John Dees]

Rainbow's kid.

[Heidi]

Stupid gay.

[Gordon Dixon]

Super gay.

[Cam Patterson]

Purple is cool. It's not purple, though. It's not purple, but if it was purple, it'd be fucking cool. It's not plum, you fuck. I mean, I cut that out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna pick this square right here. How close am I to correct? That's the fucking color, dude.

[Cam Patterson]

Go up a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's plum, dude.

[Mike IO]

Pink?

[Cam Patterson]

No, not pink.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's a little. It's a little darker than that, but it's got that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That you're wrong.

[Chris O'Connor]

If you had to say the color of the car, how would you describe it?

[Cam Patterson]

Purplish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God. So much fun.

[Chris O'Connor]

What else, Cam? Anything else we should know about?

[Cam Patterson]

Ah, that's it. Really. Oh. Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, no.

[Gordon Dixon]

There is no.

[Cam Patterson]

No. So I was going to the Caterpillar.

[Chris O'Connor]

We went to Canada this weekend.

[Cam Patterson]

It was in Toronto. And my dad been to Canada a couple times. Like a lot with me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, Kenny Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Like, a lot with me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Legend of Kenny Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

It gets stronger today. So he go to Canada a lot and then we went through the. What is it? The immigration or whatever the fuck what them niggas is. Yep, Customs.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yep, Customs.

[Cam Patterson]

Went through customs. And the dude was like, y' all gotta go inside for a second. And so we going. It's me, my dad, and my sister. And we go inside. Cause we drove. And we drove over there from Buffalo. And we went inside and he just. The lady just called my dad over, and then she was like, yeah, you got like a domestic abuse charge from 99.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Cam Patterson]

And I was born in 99, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. He just went, well, see y' all

[Cam Patterson]

in Buffalo, nigga, I don't know what to tell you.

[John Dees]

He made his wife purple.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh.

[Cam Patterson]

And then they mean a walk back to. To America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't go to Canada if you have any kind of charge like that.

[Cam Patterson]

He got in three times and he told the lady that. He was like, I got in three times. She was like, we didn't see the first couple times. He was like, you're a dumb. And I was like, wait a minute. Don't do it again. Not here.

[Heidi]

This ain't the place to do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam, you are the man. Thank you so much. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Killing it. Cam Patterson. How about one more time for tonight's guest? Tim Butterly is on tour. Tim butter.com Tim Butter Show Check out Dad Me. One more time for Chris o Connor, everybody. TY Players Season 2, June 4 Stuff island is this podcast. Thank you to bluechew and nicked nicotine pouches. These guys are on tour. Check them out. A Chris O'Connor.com and TimButterly.com the drawing from Ryan J. Belt is in.

[Heidi]

Thank you very much for having me, Tony. It was a pleasure.

[Neil Rubenstein]

Dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tim Butterly.

[John Dees]

Dream come true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris o'. Connor. Fun times, gentlemen. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Red band. Check out the Sunset Strip. ATX.com love you guys. Go rewatch the Netflix special. Shout out to to our good friend Shane Gillis for holding it down as the great Donald Trump and Kyle Dungan and Adam Ray and everybody, Rogan Segura.

[Chris O'Connor]

All the special treats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just Jeff Ross, everyone. Live audience, thank you so much. We love you. Good night, everybody.

[Josh Gideon]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.