#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON

Summary

Kill Tony #718: JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON

Date: May 13, 2025
Location: The Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Guests: James McCann, Kim Congdon
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, with Brian Redban

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Episode Overview

This Kill Tony episode brings together two fan-favorite guests: James McCann, fresh from his first American tour and lauded for his loyalty to Tony after a controversial show in NYC, and Kim Congdon, the first-ever regular on the show. Broadcast from Joe Rogan’s Comedy Mothership, the episode delivers the standard Kill Tony format: open-mic comedians drawn from the bucket attempting a one-minute set, followed by raucous interviews and crowd work. Tonight’s show is especially memorable for eclectic contestant stories, edgy humor, and perhaps the most uniquely compelling bucket-pull interview in Kill Tony history.

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Main Themes and Episode Highlights

• Loyalty in Comedy: Tony opens by recounting James and Kim’s unwavering support post-MSG controversy (02:30).
• Comedy as Community: Banter about road gigs, show camaraderie, and veterans of the Kill Tony scene.
• The Bucket of Destiny: Stand-up newcomers and regulars offer their best (and sometimes worst), leading to unpredictable, improvisational interviews.
• Guest Chemistry: Aussie James McCann and sharp-tongued Kim Congdon keep Tony on his toes, riffing on every set.
• Insanely Unique Interview: Comedian Alex Tarshon’s 30+ minute multi-part interview sets a new Kill Tony record for offbeat, fascinating content.

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Key Segments & Notable Moments

[04:00] — James McCann & Kim Congdon Introduction

• James McCann: Fresh off the road, part of the Shane Gillis “Philly Mafia,” lauded for comic craft and as a “fellow autistic man” (03:57).
  • “He was so good to me at first, I thought at some point he’s gonna try and fuck me. And he never did.” — James McCann [04:32]
• Kim Congdon: Praised as the show's first regular with upcoming headlining gigs (05:15).

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[06:52] — David Jolly: Recovery & Portland Tales

• Celebrates “21 months sober,” makes light of his chequered past with AA.
• Portland bits highlight local drug laws and street culture, sparking riffs about crackheads, liberal politics, and social outliers.
  • “Sometimes at night, me and Joe Rogan go dress up like Batman and beat the shit outta homeless people.” — David Jolly [09:00]
• Band and panel exchange classic roasts about the cities and the hosts’ own quirks.

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[13:14] — Joseph Paul Alampi: A Legendary Bomb

• Takes the stage in a wig and moo moo, delivers a chaotic, nonsensical set.
• The panel comments astoundedly, leading into one of the show’s most chaotic interviews:
  • “It must be crazy to bomb in a moo moo.” — Kim Congdon [15:39]
  • “There might be a comedian inside of you.” — James McCann [21:21]
• Explores his jobs (security guard, tai chi instructor), eccentric life, and bizarre anecdotes, none of which quite land.
• Memorable for sheer awkwardness and Tony’s relentless, compassionate roast.

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[22:48] — Isaac Kane Brown: The Power of Honest Jokes

• Self-deprecating, anxious delivery; jokes about dating “red flags," fighting gay thoughts, and dark comparisons between veterans & trans people.
  • “Have you guys ever noticed that veterans and trans people are a lot alike?” — Isaac Kane Brown [23:30]
• His honesty about nerves (“I don't know what to do with my hands, dude.” [27:10]) endears him to the panel and audience.
• Panel explores his job (selling Yu-Gi-Oh! cards) and social anxieties.
• Awarded with a “Big Joke Book” and an invite to higher-profile shows. [31:00]

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[32:05] — Chado: Second Chances & Cannabis College

• Shows marked improvement since last Kill Tony spot.
• Works as a “cannabis college” founder, teaching budtenders.
• Discusses his psychological thriller novel with a female serial killer, unique family dynamics, and 25-year marriage.
  • “I've been told I have dad dick.” — Chado [36:36]
• Panel riffs on keeping bedroom life exciting, adult kids at home, and small-town living.

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[41:20] — Zach Hollis: Macabre One-Liners & DJ Life

• Delivers rapid-fire, ultra-dark one-liners with mixed reactions.
  • “Sometimes I fantasize about orgies so they don't let me near schools anymore.” — Zach Hollis [41:53]
• Panel discusses his day jobs (karaoke DJ, DoorDash), video game addiction, and romantic life.
• Banter on homeownership, finances, and monotonous relationships.

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[47:57] — Tommy Tickles: Ranch Life & Dark Humor

• Farmer/rancher from Fredericksburg, shares pet cemetery business idea and twisted jokes.
  • “If your pet’s not dead yet, I'll knock $50 off if you let me kill it.” — Tommy Tickles [50:24]
• Charming tales from his ranch: protecting livestock, bottle-feeding baby animals, hay truck stories.
• Recurring bits about roasting Tony, keeping married life spicy, and rural oddity.
• “Sometimes I don’t know if she’s going to cut me or fuck me.” — Tommy Tickles [59:04]

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[61:51] — Kansai Yasuda: Sushi, Roommates & Palate Cleansers

• A “golden ticket” regular from Japan, connects his breakup to palate cleanser sushi gags.
  • “So this bitch use me for palate cleanser..." — Kansai Yasuda [62:46]
• Stories on living with a black roommate, cultural exchanges, and Mario Brothers gameplay.
• Tony leads classic Asian accent mimicry and sausage pronunciation gags.

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[72:31] — Alex Tarshon: A New Kill Tony Legend

• 11-year comic; finally picked after 20 months of signing up (not wearing socks for luck).
• African-Italian, “second-generation inbred” with a tiny pinky and 8 dogs (“emotional support animals”).
• Shares stories about:
  • Being at rock bottom with a face infection and 8 dogs.
  • An encounter with a deaf woman offering him money (“it's not just she was offering me money, you know?” [89:21]).
  • His preference for dating deaf women, Craigslist plus-size encounters, seat-of-your-pants life details.
• Reveals a self-made cartoon called "Nig Nigga" ([110:20]), available on YouTube (“Purebread Retard” channel)—prompting incredulity and astonishment from everyone.
  • “You’re a black Italian cripple with too many dogs.” — James McCann [83:13]
• Multiple callbacks throughout the night—record-breaking, multi-part interview, and promises of new shoes from Tony.
• Alex Tarshon’s interview is universally declared a Kill Tony all-timer.

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[115:13] — Lisa Jane Spencer: Aussie Culture Shock & Wordplay

• Newcomer comedian, only 4 days in America.
• Bit on “white people still pretending not to say the N-word,” pivots to Nutella wordplay.
• Banters with fellow Aussie James McCann about racism, trucks, Australian football, and culture shock.
• Reluctant onstage matchmaking with Alex Tarshon (who offers to take her out for pizza at Jets).
  • “We got our very own Love on the Spectrum happening right here on Kill Tony.” — James McCann [121:06]
• Lisa is visibly unsettled by Alex (and his eight dogs).

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[124:57] — William Montgomery: The Vanilla Gorilla Delivers

• Resident “hall of fame” regular closes the show in trademark fashion: bombastic, politically incorrect one-liners about sports and conspiracy theories.
  • "If you love Ed, Edd & Eddy, you’re going to love Alex’s very racist cartoon..." — William Montgomery [124:57]
• Wraps up with tales from touring, eating tons of seafood, and muses on virulently quirky American life.
• Exchanges hats with James for a bit of comic relief (“The durag is too powerful...”).

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Notable Quotes

• Tony Hinchcliffe [14:22]: "Shockingly, unbelievably, incredibly, unbelievably, shockingly bad. I mean, just wow."
• Kim Congdon [15:39]: "It must be crazy to bomb in a moo moo."
• James McCann [21:21]: "There might be a comedian inside of you."
• Isaac Kane Brown [27:10]: "I don't know what to do with my hands, dude."
• Chado [36:36]: "I've been told I have dad dick."
• Tommy Tickles [50:24]: "If your pet’s not dead yet, I'll knock $50 off if you let me kill it."
• James McCann [83:13]: "You’re a black Italian cripple with too many dogs."
• Alex Tarshon [109:37]: "...then the person who helped me, he's like, 'My name is Vivian,'... this is my 'It's a Wonderful Life' moment."
• William Montgomery [125:37]: "And they named him Jihad Campbell. He's an explosive linebacker, really willing to sacrifice his body."

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Recurring Themes

• Outrageous Honesty: Many contestants overshare bizarre, deeply personal stories, especially Alex Tarshon’s acutely candid life.
• Dark/Self-Deprecating Humor: Death, sobriety, drugs, disabilities, and sexual quirks abound.
• Diversity of Experience: Contestants come from all walks: ranchers, karaoke DJs, dog hoarders, substitute teachers.
• Panel Chemistry: The guests expertly improv, riff, and roast every performance, with Tony anchoring the show’s relentless pace and surreal energy.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Guest Welcomes: [00:44 – 05:14]
• David Jolly Set/Interview: [06:52 – 12:19]
• Joseph Paul Alampi “Moo Moo” Interview: [13:14 – 22:18]
• Isaac Kane Brown’s Set/Interview: [22:48 – 31:20]
• Chado’s Cannabis College and Family: [32:05 – 41:02]
• Tommy Tickles’ Ranch Life & Roasts: [47:57 – 60:38]
• Kansai Yasuda’s Roommate & Sushi: [61:51 – 72:02]
• Alex Tarshon Epic Interview, Part 1: [72:31 – 88:44]
• Alex Tarshon, Part 2 (Gambling, Cartoon): [106:43 – 114:00]
• Lisa Jane Spencer, Australian Culture Shock: [115:13 – 123:13]
• William Montgomery Closer: [124:57 – End]

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Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential Kill Tony experience—irreverent, unpredictable, and packed with oddball energy. Whether celebrating the craft of established comics like McCann, basking in Kim Congdon’s sharp wit, or mining comedy gold (and chaos) from the bucket, Kill Tony #718 epitomizes the glorious madness that keeps fans coming back. Do not miss the saga of Alex Tarshon—a new legend is born!

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Recommended For:
Fans of unscripted, edgy stand-up, those who relish comedy’s wild side, and anyone eager for real-life stories that are stranger (and funnier) than fiction.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, literally, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Radman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in

[James McCann]

Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get up for Tony Hitch Club. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? All right, yippee. Make some noise to Red Band, everybody. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Come on. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez. Nachos Belgrande. Chorizo chalupa, huevos rancheros. We got the great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar tonight, Lacking vitamin D. Speaking of D on the bass guitar, that is indeed D madness, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my goodness, what a show we have lined up for you guys on this beautiful Monday evening. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Here we go. You guys ready to start tonight's show? This is Kill Tony. Brought to you by ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter, prize picks and to Cove. Every single week, I book two of the best guests humanly possible. What I love about this show tonight is that this is a booking of two of my favorite guests of the year, two of my favorite guests, people that came through on the clutch for me when the entire world was against me immediately after a specific event at Madison Square Garden that I did last year. I don't bring it up very often, but I'm bringing it up now because a lot of people canceled that night. A lot of people wanted to stay away. And these two comedy warriors are like, let's go. Throw me in. I'm down for you even when it's dark. I'm down to play with Tony Hinchcliff, and they are back here with huge projects selling out around the country. Two of my favorite comedians in the world, two of the best guests in Kill Tony history, including the first regular ever on this show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for James McCann and Kim Congdon. Yes.

[David Jolly]

Yes,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kim, have a seat there. James, come over here. Stay right here. James, come over here. Theree they are. Two of the best. James McCann is back. Many people sang. A frontrunner for guest of the year 2025.

[James McCann]

Yeah, there's a lot of fellow autistic men out there looking after their own. Very proud. It's great to be back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They love James McCann. He's doing his first ever American tour. That's right, Tony, get tickets.

[James McCann]

Why? We're doing Georgia. We're doing other places too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

11 Days is one of the best comedians around here at the Mothership and all around the world. Part of the Shane Gillis Philly somehow mafia. Even though you're from Australia, he found you. He takes you around doing arenas all around the world.

[James McCann]

Yes. He was so good to me at first. I thought at some point he's gonna try and fuck me. And he never did. That's true, he never did. He hasn't. He's a good. He's actually a good man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how I always felt about Rogan. I'm still waiting for it at some point. I've always been waiting. I'm like, one day, there's gotta be a reason here. I mean, I know I'm good. I know he sees me work hard, but at any point he's just gonna grab me by my waist and do whatever he wants with me. And it never happened.

[Kim Congdon]

They're like, it can't be blowjobs forever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You son of.

[James McCann]

Kim. Bitch, get your mind out of Bronx. No, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did not invite you here to make jokes like that. Kim.

[Kim Congdon]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kim Congdon. The first ever regular in Kill Tony history, writing and performing a new minute every week. 12 fucking years ago, back when barely anyone was watching. And now you're a legend doing Brea and Oxnard. May 14, May 15, kimkongdon.com, the Kim Congdon takeover. So you guys know all about the show. You guys are veterans of the game. Over 200 human innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket. Tonight I'm gonna let this fuckin Little red band, fuckin stuntman pull the first name this little fat boy. Hell yeah. And like that, it has begun. While they go wrangle that comedian. When I pull their name, they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview and then we all talk to them together. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Great. Your first comedian doing an uninterrupted minute tonight is one of our favorite old time, good old fucking golden ticket winners. This guy, a legend. Used to be a fucking fraudster on the streets. And now regularly doing spots with me on the road with the killers of Kil Tony with his own things with Cam Patterson always working. It is America's favorite uncle. Make some noise. This is a new minute from David Jolly, everybody. Here we go.

[David Jolly]

How y' all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico. Hell yeah. It's been 21 months since I had a drink. That's pretty fucking cool, right? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I had to do it cold turkey. Cause I tried to do it like with AA meetings at first, but every time I went to an AA meeting, I needed a fucking drink. Them people lives be miserable as hell, you know what I mean? Like, God damn, do it already, bitch. Nobody gonna miss your ass. It got to the point where I started going to the meetings and I just spiked the coffee. You know what I mean? Get you back to your regular self, you know? Then it got so bad, I started coming to the meetings drunk as hell, you know. I started coming to the meetings drunk, and they'll kick me out of the meetings. And I'm like, fuck, you can't keep me out of this AA meeting, man. I'm crying. It's a fucking cry for help right now, you know? You can't kick me out of this AA meeting. This isn't an AA meeting. It's a PTA meeting.

[Zach Hollis]

All right?

[David Jolly]

That ain't go as good as I thought it was gonna go, right? Hey. All right. That's my time.

[Alex Tarshon]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of my favorite lines in all of comedy that didn't go as well as I thought it was.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, that'd be real, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. David, that was a new minute. This is true, huh? You've been sober for 21 months.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, well, it's like July 12th or something. I just had to figure a number out. And I can't count that well sometimes under pressure. So it's like 21, 22, some shit like that, you know?

[Kim Congdon]

It was Juneteenth.

[David Jolly]

It's been a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

boom now.

[David Jolly]

I was drunk as on Juneteenth. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is a big day of celebration for you? When do you tend to get be happy, you know?

[David Jolly]

I mean, every day I wake up and be happy, man. Cause I'm alive, man. You know, Like, I got a good life. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

You do you feel me? Like, I'm doing. I'm doing real well, but, like, you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

used to be a real troublemaker. Do you. Does that side of you ever creep up? Do you ever, like, get the urge to, like, write a fake check or anything like that?

[James McCann]

Well, not.

[David Jolly]

See, the way. What I do now is a lot of people don't know about this, but sometimes at night, me and Joe Rogan go dress up like Batman and beat the shit out of homeless people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

We just beat. You're Robin, but it's spelled R, O, B, I N apostrophe.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, you know. You know how to smell it. That's it. That's it. Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the riddler. With a hard R. With a hard

[David Jolly]

R. It's gotta be a hard R. You know it ain't right without a hard R. Absolutely. Just like a hard dick. Ain't that right, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. I love both. We love both. What else is going on, David?

[David Jolly]

Jolly Shit, man. I was in Portland this weekend. I was pretty fucking cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Portland, Portland, Portland. Oh, there you go.

[David Jolly]

Y' all understand what I'm saying?

[Kim Congdon]

That's a grocery store in his neighborhood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

No, man. Portland, Oregon. That place, pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what's cool about it?

[David Jolly]

Shit, I was smoking weed, walking down the road and shit. Just the police walked by. That ain't even bother me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

Well, you were the first black man they had ever seen in Portland.

[Alex Tarshon]

Right?

[David Jolly]

You're right. You're right, you're right. No, they seen Cam first. That's whose shows it was. You know what I'm saying? I was number two, but it was cool. I seen a crackhead smoking, like, a crack pipe right in front of the courthouse. It was crazy because, you know, everything legal out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a mirror? Was there a mirror in front of you?

[David Jolly]

Hey, fuck you, Tony. Fuck you, motherfucker. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

I love you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[James McCann]

I went to Portland once, and it was the gayest homeless people I'd ever seen. I. I don't want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That.

[David Jolly]

It wasn't a whole lot of homeless people, though. It wasn't that many where I was at. Like, right there by the club.

[James McCann]

Fentol might have cleared that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Portland's an absolute crazy place.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Terrible.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, it wasn't that bad where I was at. I ain't really do no research, you know. I ain't really, like, driving around looking for crackheads or nothing, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fun fact about Portland, my agent told me this. It's a fun fact. He thought that I would find it Interesting. Last week, he told me that there's a theater there that says that books comedians. That makes still to this day mandatory that you're vaccinated for Covid if you want to get into this theater. So you could sit around a bunch of people that get sick five times a year, but at least you feel like you did something.

[James McCann]

I did that. The other thing, they have, like. What are they? The sign language lady. And I did a set in Portland with a sign language lady doing my set. And halfway through the set, she just crossed her arms and refused to communicate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

What I was saying to the deaf.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very liberal there.

[Kim Congdon]

It's very liberal. I feel like the police in Portland lock their doors when they see black people.

[David Jolly]

What? Hey. The show. She was there on Saturday. As soon as I got on the stage, I was like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was just doing.

[David Jolly]

She was doing all kind of shit with her head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. She was like.

[David Jolly]

She just stopped at a point.

[Kim Congdon]

She was calling the police and signing.

[David Jolly]

Basically. Basically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was going on gang signs. Incredible.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, David. Well, way to get the show started. You did it. There's a new 50 seconds from David Jolly. And it has begun. Here we go. All right. Let me just say we don't need to shake everybody's hand as we go off this. It's good that you did it with David, you know, David, but it was

[James McCann]

an opportunity to do our cool black handshake together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's see it now. I want to see it.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Let's do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Alex Tarshon]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wow. All right, David. There you go. There you go. There he goes, everybody. David. All right. Oh, my God. You know what that sound means. The lovely Heidi has arrived. Wow. Absolutely incredible old car horn indeed. All right, your first bucket pool, people. This is where it goes down. This is where stars are born and idiots are found. Anything can happen. This is kill. Tony. Your first bucket bowl of the night is Joseph Paul Alampi, everybody. Joseph Paul Alampi. Here we go.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I would exterminate those bugs like I was in the party in the 1940s. For room and board, of course, that's a callback. Okay, Give a. Let's give it a round of applause for Mary, everybody.

[David Jolly]

Mary.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Mary. Oh, hi there. Oh, my God. This is a different sort of ship.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

This guy. I'm Mary. Sometimes the aliens talk to me in my sleep or when I'm awake, etc, etc. And I'm all out of fucking tinfoil. Wait, go back on the X. Where's the X? I don't know. Is the X in my Head. Did I take any X? Stop taking X because I think it's like in the psychic sphere or something. My grandson, My grandson was also electrocuted. I was electrocuted. I'll break the fifth wall. I love you, Tony.

[David Jolly]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shockingly, unbelievably, incredibly, unbelievably, shockingly bad. I mean, just wow. Nothing. Kim Congdon.

[Kim Congdon]

Dude, when he came out, I swear to God I thought it was Roseanne and she finally got dementia. Dad, he looks like the dude from that movie split.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Adam Gay. Okay, red band. Maybe put that fucking mic down permanently. Lock it up. Lock it up.

[James McCann]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay.

[James McCann]

You know in Back to the Future where Michael J. Fox plays to his parents generation. Your kids are gonna love that. You're not ready for it yet, but that's 20 years time. I'm doing the most charitable read I can, friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am so intrigued by how bad that was. Joseph, Paula Lampi, how long have you. Over here. Joseph, look right at me. How long have you been doing stand up comedy?

[David Jolly]

About a year.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Two years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About a year. Did you prepare anything? It seemed like that was very improvised. What do you have written down on your hand there? I love talking to you. Now this like real guy that's like I up some dude in a wig that just like bombed, man. I love it.

[Kim Congdon]

It must be crazy to bomb in a moomoo.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I'm a cuckoo in a moo moo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you still definitely had nothing prepared.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I feel like if I put that dress on a wig on any other dude in this room, they'd be like so much funnier than you. Right? Did you.

[James McCann]

But they didn't. Tony, he's, you know, it's like abstract art. A four year old could do that. But they didn't. He's out here taking chances. That is true if it was not a good one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very fun. Very positive, very positive analysis of what just happened here.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, but this is like one of those chances where you a hooker with no condom and get a disease, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right, so let's just. Joseph, stick with me over here. Over here, Joseph, you ready? So you've been doing it a year. Give me a joke that you prepared for tonight. Like something that you would do like that. Where you're like, all I have to do is say this like this and this will work. What was something that you had in your head on your handwritten anything? What do you got there? Because you didn't do any of that on your hand, did you? Oh, my God, you have so much cat. You have writing all over your hand and you did nothing. She said, wow, look, there's a band.

[Kim Congdon]

Can I read one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's just let Joseph say, what do you think the best joke?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Well, I just have stories or whatever. Like what does that mean? So cat piss girl. I didn't have sex. I still haven't sex right now. I haven't. So I didn't have sex for like two years. And I moved to Tampa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

And so I was, you know, I was talking to this girl outside for like a half hour and I believe she was intoxicated.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joseph. Yeah, keep going.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Okay, sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're so desperate for a laugh that like somebody sneezing in the crowd throws you you off. Like, oh, is that a laugh? You're like pausing for there's nothing happening here. You have to hit something for it to be funny.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

So we went up to her room to uhhuh. She starts blowing me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Except the smell of ammonia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Made my dick go soft.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

And that was it. This, that was your pile of your

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

one year in the game. That's your number one go to no real. Wow, they hard. Joseph. Paula. Oh my God. How old are you?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

50?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is that? Is that not a wig? I thought that was a wig. Oh my God, it's Gary Busey. Oh my God.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For all of you 7 year olds listening, that's a. It's a.

[Kim Congdon]

He looks like Bruce Willis now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

You're not really 50. You're not really 50, are you?

[Alex Tarshon]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, are you really 50?

[James McCann]

You're not 50.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Drink lots of water, listen to your grandmother, eat your vegetables.

[James McCann]

You've got huge full lips.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

That's another one. Yeah, I was made fun of for having huge lips as a kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's that joke?

[Kim Congdon]

You heard it, you said nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that it? You just have setups for your jokes? Do you know that? You haven't finished Blow.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

They used to call me blowjob boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so whoever called you blowjob boy should be the one signing up for the show. You see that, cuz they're kind of funny. You're just repeating something that somebody called you once. Okay, what do you do for work, 50 year old?

[Alex Tarshon]

I got laid off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what did you used to do?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I was a security guard. I was a personal trainer, a tai chi instructor. I think Red Band would benefit from me if you want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How? Because personal trainer is that what you're implying?

[Kim Congdon]

No.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I would love to train Red band and I'll help them out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, whatever. Jesus, Joseph.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

God damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God. Do you have any crazy, crazy life?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

I was electrocuted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh? I believe that. I definitely believe. My brow flew right off. There you go.

[Cameron Frisk]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Robocop.

[Kim Congdon]

He does look like power.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we get a couple more references from the 80s, please? Red band, can we get perhaps another Gary Bucy or RoboCop reference? What do you got, you guys? There you go. All right, there it is. There we go. It's got a lot of energy tonight. Is there any redeeming quality about you whatsoever? You did nothing. Funny. I like that. It's of kind. Kind of character, but you did nothing. You got electrocuted once and people made fun of you. What else?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Well, you don't want to hear how

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got electrocuted if it's interesting. My guess is it was a accident.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

So I used. So I used to play outside of a deli and they. They didn't ground the ice box, the ice machine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

So I put my hand on the one pole and the other pole and ra.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Then I did it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the story of you getting electrocuted.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

This is the hardest. Yeah, go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's my ass, Tony. No no no no no. Stick with me in the ass. Stick with me, Joe.

[James McCann]

That's better. That's better. That's a character.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

What about your big fucking blowjob lips? Did they ever make fun of your big blowjob lips? You have beautiful emerald.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the. See, you said it there at the end. I have beautiful lips. That's.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

No, I said emerald eyes. I was gonna do it as Mary, but You know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shut the fuck up. Joseph, Paul, Alampi. There's something in there, man. I see it. Right? You can kind of see it. When he gets mad, you can kind

[James McCann]

of see there's a. There might be a comedian inside of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Read another. Read another joke off your fucking hand.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Well, I went to an all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been doing this a year. Hurry the fuck up.

[James McCann]

Also keep getting angry at Tony. That was great.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if nobody's there? If I say the N word in the word in the woods, do ninjas start to fall out of the sky? Because, you know, whatever the fuck I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

was, nothing makes any sense with you. I gotta get you out of here, Joseph. Jesus Christ. You know what? I don't think you get a Little joke. Buck Joseph. Paula Lampy. Maybe next time sign up again. Joseph James. Seriously, do not fist bump everybody that comes out here. It's so annoying. Stop. It's fucking retarded. What, are you making friends? Are you networking here tonight?

[James McCann]

It's a lonely city.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. It's not. Another three word name coming at you. Ladies and gentlemen, another bucket poll. Clearly, anything can happen. Clearly this show is not produced at all. Make some noise for Isaac Kane Brown. Isaac Kane Brown.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I've been d. Dating a girl recently with a pretty big red flag. I think it's Chinese or something. I'm not too sure. I've been thinking I should be in the ufc the way I've been fighting these gay thoughts. I think it's gonna come down to a decision. I think the black guy's gonna win. I don't know. Have you guys ever noticed that veterans and trans people are a lot alike? Like, you don't have to ask them. They'll tell you about it. They have a hard time finding employment. And sometimes they kill themselves, Which is honestly just a burden off our shoulders.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Isaac Cain Brown. Completely saging the room of Joseph Paul Olampi. Two comedians, six names in total. Isaac Kane Brown. Totally different guy. No wigs, no dresses, jokes. It's incredible what jokes do on this show.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing standup? Isaac Kane Brown?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

A little over two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two years? Where at?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Started in Illinois. Peoria.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. A lot of greats from Peoria. Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Isaac Kane Brown. What do you do for work?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I sell Yu Gi OH cards.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

James McCann has entered the chat. That's some kind of like, what can you anybody?

[James McCann]

It's. Yeah, it's a trading card game from Japan. But do you have to be in that store?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

No, I just. I kind of like, buy them and then sell them on ebay.

[James McCann]

You're a shark.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah. Yeah, I overcharged the shit out of them. It works out great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. There's a demand for that. For Japanese playing cards. Yeah, kinda. Okay. All right. What do you do for fun?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Honestly, I get really high and then walk through the park and get scared. That's kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At least you're walking and being real. That makes sense. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Scary.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

There's a lot of people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is scary. What's. What scares you? Just. Just the idea of being seen and.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, no. Just like basic human interaction terrifies this out of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do people say hi to you when you're at the park?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah, I just walk fast when they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. How old are you?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I'm 28.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

28. Absolutely. Selling Japanese cards, doing comedy, and being scared in the park. I love it. What's your love life like? Are you really dating a girl that has red flags?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I am. I have recently started dating a girl that's been fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's very sweet. How long. How long have you been in this relationship?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Four months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four months. What does she do?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

She's a dog groomer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A dog groomer?

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

The eye contact's freaking me the out.

[David Jolly]

I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah. He's acknowledging my eyes tonight. My emerald eyes as Joseph Paula Lamp, he called them. Whatever the that means. Sunglasses on. They're so blue. They are so blue. They are blue. Oh. Shockingly, strikingly blue. Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Dude, he is shaking like he just shot a buck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think my eyes are scary now? Wait till you see me walking in the park at this.

[Alex Tarshon]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna find out what park you go to. No. And I'm just gonna walk around waiting for Ian.

[Alex Tarshon]

Go.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, I hate every second of this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, this show's so crazy. What a difference one bucket pool makes from the next, huh? This guy's just being honest up there, saying he's scared.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I don't know what to do with my hands, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm. Nobody really does.

[James McCann]

If you figure it out, you let me know.

[Chado]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. It is an interesting thing.

[James McCann]

You can grab the stand. You can put them behind your back. You can.

[David Jolly]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, put them behind your back.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, that's powerful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right?

[David Jolly]

All right, cool.

[James McCann]

No one's rocking that one. I've been thinking about doing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what?

[James McCann]

I'm thinking about doing all my. My jokes like this. Hey, everybody, I'm from Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, teacup over. That would be crazy. This one.

[James McCann]

If you're a gay or a woman, that's an option.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Okay, yeah, I'm neither of those, but, yeah, keep going.

[David Jolly]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could also hold the microphone.

[James McCann]

Oh, the two hands.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Take it out of the microphone. We know. Red band. We know that they can hold the microphone. Red band, I love it. So, Isaac Kane Brown, let me ask you. There's got to be something. When you go to the park, you just walk with your shoes on and just. You just like, stay on, like, a path. Do you cut through? Do you go. Go on grass? You take a horse sometimes you have a little horse, little miniature pony.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I try to start on the trail, but then people Keep walking by and I'm like, ah, they're looking at me. So I just. I walk straight through the middle of the park as fast as I can to my Uber.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. That is amazing to me. How about at nighttime? What do you do for fun at nighttime?

[Kim Congdon]

Eat gogurt.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Honestly, I just try not to masturbate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love masturbating. Absolutely incredible.

[James McCann]

I want to give that one a fist bump. I want to celebrate that. I want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love it.

[James McCann]

Oh, boy. If you get out there on the road as a stand up comedian alone in those hotels, good luck, friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you like to masturbate to? Isaac Kane Brown? You're the kind of guy that looks like you like jerking off to, like, memories.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

I really just like the videos where the women are giving, like, words of encouragement.

[James McCann]

Stop, stop. He's gonna come.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Wow, there's a lot of white people here.

[Zach Hollis]

That's.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Is there one black guy here?

[Tommy Tickles]

I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course there's a black guy. Look, there's one right there.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Oh, do you guys, like count them?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because they're in the dark.

[James McCann]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[David Jolly]

Oh, wow.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

They're so close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. So what kind of words of encouragement do these ladies say that you're into? Like, what's one that you've heard? I've never even seen this before. I get.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Good boy. That's.

[Zach Hollis]

It's pretty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

You know, I don't like this anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

That is hard because they're telling you you're a good boy, but you're doing a very dark and shameful thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

And then you feel really good. Then you feel really bad. It's a. You're trapped.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

It's very Catholic. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

James McCanner, Senior Catholic Chorus.

[James McCann]

Speaking my language. I understand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Isaac Kane Brown, good news for you. We're going to send you upstairs to go get seen by the talent booker of the comedy mothership, Adam Egot, right now. And you get a big joke Buck. Oh, Jesus Christ. That has to be your worst nightmare. I'd love to have you on the secret show too. And you get to do the secret secret show on Thursday.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You go that way. What other way would there be? It's like this way. This way towards where I came from. All right, so there you go. That's the two extremes of what can happen here on Kill Tony. It's basically, the show's over. We just have to kill time for another hour and a half. But between those two guys, that's what the show is. Some of it's absolute hot diggity dog. And we talk to those people, and some of them are just naturally funny. We'll see what happens next. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Chado, everybody. Chatto.

[Chado]

Thanks, guys. I really needed that. It's been a rough week. My son, he. He came out to me as trans this week. He said, dad, I think I'd be happy if I was a woman. I said, son, I've never met a happy woman. I almost recently died also. The last couple weeks, I woke up in the hospital. My wife was next to me crying. I thought, well, this is the woman who's been there for me. I finally got somebody, you know, I can be there for and trust. And she's like, chad, please don't die. I can't get Hulu on the tv. Yeah, I have these. We have a lot of animals, but I have this one little girl dog who keeps on getting out of the fence every time I put her in the backyard. And every time she does, she gets fucking pregnant. Yeah. So I've been putting a little plan B in her dog food. I used to wake up and step in dog and be like, really mad. Now wake up in the middle of night, step in something like, God, I hope that's dog. That's a public Persona joke, Shadow. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Welcome, Shadow. You've been on this show before?

[Chado]

Yeah, it's been. Been a while, but, yeah, I feel

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like there's a huge improvement since last time you were on the show. Am I correct? Do you feel that? Yeah, yeah, huge. Have you been working hard?

[Chado]

Oh, yeah, you know, at least five nights a week, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, five nights a week. And when's the last time you were on the show?

[Chado]

It was September 11, 23.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's if I remember. You were so bad. It's one of the worst things to ever happen on September 11th. This is proof. I remember. I remember looking at your face and body and being like, this guy's bad. So it's just. It just goes to show, who knows, a few years from now, Joseph Paula Lampe could come back up here and crush. Then I'll be like, didn't you once suck up here? Wow.

[Chado]

I appreciate you saying, I crushed. That's cool, man. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right, Shadow, how old are you?

[Chado]

40. I'll be 44 this year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long have you been on stand up?

[Chado]

Three years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. And what do you do for work?

[Chado]

I own a cannabis college.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A cannabis college? Yeah. Explain to us what that is.

[Chado]

I teach people how to work in the cannabis industry. Like, you know, good budtenders if they what they should know to recommend for certain elements, etc.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like you would be good at that job.

[James McCann]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Professor. A professor of cannabis college.

[Chado]

I'm a pot fessor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I bet that kills at the cannabis college. It does all the students.

[James McCann]

That's some higher education. Am I right? Everybody, come on now. Come on, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on now. Everybody. I love it. How do you start a cannabis college? Can anybody do that?

[Chado]

Yeah, there's no record.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, a website.

[Chado]

Just a lot of marketing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, a good, clear website. An easy to spell, easy to no website. Nothing like the way to get tickets for James McCann's USA tour in which you would have to go to JDF McCann with2ns.com. That's his website that he was as well. We're working on MCC A, N N. But it's JDF, not James McCann, not James McCann. Comedy JDF. So you could just guess 10,000 times.

[James McCann]

Once again, that's JDF McCann, M double C-A- double N.com and then you have to click a couple things to get to the tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

But once you get there, it's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Chatto, what do you do for fun?

[Chado]

I just published a novel, a little psychological thriller.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's it about?

[Chado]

It's about a female serial killer. She's got ocd, but she gets her relief through her victims, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so how does it end?

[Chado]

She walks away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She just walks away.

[Kim Congdon]

Don't they all?

[James McCann]

That's the happy ending to your novel, is that the serial killer finds inner peace and doesn't have toll.

[Chado]

It's told from her point of view. So you see her whole life go through it and you kind of want her to walk away from this point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

Because she's killing innocent people.

[Chado]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she killing innocent people or is there a type that she's killed who

[Chado]

doesn't deserve to fucking die at this point?

[Zach Hollis]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, all right. I absolutely agree.

[Kim Congdon]

He looks a lot like my dad. I really just have to say that. Really fucking weird. Yeah.

[Chado]

I've been told I have dad dick.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

No, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Kim Congdon]

That's not what I was saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at this facially. Looks like your dad.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, kind of. You also look like Adult Rock, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adult Rock as in the wrestler Kid

[Kim Congdon]

Rock if he ate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

But he does look like my dad. It's weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Do you play music or anything? No, you just look like that. You've just always looked like that.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you don't. Can't play a single goddamn instrument.

[Chado]

I was prophesized that I was gonna be a musician growing up in church, you know, churches and so I tried every thing. I am not musically talented at all. God was wrong on that one. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And you have a girlfriend, Chad?

[Chado]

I've been married 25 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're married 25 years. What does she do for a living now?

[Chado]

She. She takes calls on for ups or U haul. U haul, Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chado]

Same thing.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you keep things interesting in the bedroom? 25 years. How often are you guys having sex? Once a month? Once a week?

[Chado]

Once a couple times a week still.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how does that go? Is it normally at night? In the morning.

[Chado]

Usually the morning. I'm kind of wore out and I'm usually doing mics and she's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, I get it.

[Tommy Tickles]

She's.

[Chado]

She's asleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's your move? You just. When she's asleep, I close the door

[Chado]

and lock it and. And that's it. She. She can't get out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great. Ladies and gent, I just had a rape confession here, cuz.

[James McCann]

You got. You got kids who are going to.

[Chado]

But they're adult kids. But they still live at home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's kind of how adults.

[Chado]

Are they in their 20s?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

How.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how many still live at home?

[Chado]

Well, my daughter just moved in with her grandma, but my son still lives in. In his room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old's your son?

[Chado]

He's 23.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's he doing with his life?

[Chado]

Nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean nothing?

[Kim Congdon]

You should. Your wife. Louder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what.

[Chado]

That's what it takes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Instead of locking the door, you should leave it open. Yeah, that should get him. Jesus Christ. That should get him out of there.

[Zach Hollis]

I agree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Either that or he's going to come and start jerking off. Right? The room, watching mom and dad go at it.

[Chado]

He's got pretty good bits. I'm going use.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That sounds like a real do nothing. Does he have a job?

[Chado]

He just. He got recently fired from Pinballs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But how did he get fired from Pinballs? What do you have to do?

[Chado]

He was going to the bathroom too much. As was. He was hiding out. The bathroom, Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay, so what's he gonna do now?

[Kim Congdon]

In his defense, he has to jerk off every time he hears a click.

[Chado]

I've been taking him to a lot of interviews. He's kind of visually impaired, so I have to drive him around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Visually impaired? Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong with his eyesight?

[Chado]

He's got. He's got a few things. He's got the shaky eye thing, and he's got the degenerative thing where he's can't.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

It's.

[Chado]

It's losing his eyesight. He draws really good comics right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you thought about teaching him how to play bass guitar? Yeah, yeah.

[Chado]

My talent has passed on.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay. And the daughter lives with your grandma now?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah.

[Chado]

She couldn't put up with our. Because we were too strict, so she moved in with Grandma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she's living with Grandma?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Getting banged out by black dudes at grandma's house.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that pretty much what's going on, you think?

[Chado]

No, she had a bad relationship here. That's why she moved there. Get away from that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where does Grandma live?

[Chado]

Grandma lives in Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So she's kind of out there in the middle of nowhere.

[Chado]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cameron Frisk]

She's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Worse than Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James McCann]

I need to look after my daughter. I'm gonna send her to the teen pregnancy capital of the world.

[Chado]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

I actually love Oklahoma.

[Chado]

That's where we're from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James McCann]

Tulsa, man.

[Chado]

Oklahoma City. Edmond is where I grew up, also.

[James McCann]

I'm done with. That's all I know now about Oklahoma.

[Chado]

Tulsa. Yeah. Yeah. That's a place called Tulsa in Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When? You don't know. All right.

[James McCann]

Are you Indian?

[Chado]

No, just the hair.

[James McCann]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't have to, like, if you don't know. Yes, I know. Yeah. You don't have to just make noise. I mean, Red Band gets away with it every week, but you don't have to just. If you don't. If you don't have, like, a thing, you don't have to do anything. Last time you were on, you got a little joke book.

[Chado]

I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, guess what, Chatto? This time you're leaving with a big joke book.

[Chado]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. There he goes. Chatto, everyone. We're having fun. Look at this, the episode. We're moving on. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Zach Hollis, everyone. Okay, there's Heidi again. There's Heidi. And here comes Zach Hollis, everybody.

[Zach Hollis]

The other day, my smart watch notified me that I was having a fantastic workout. I was taking a shit. I don't think I could ever have a normal job because every time I tighten that tie, my dick gets hard. I've been getting into BDSM lately. Or at least that's what my girl tells the cops. Sometimes I fantasize about orgies so they don't let me near Schools anymore. I think I'm pretty good at flirting, but it's hard to tell between all their muffled screams.

[Kansai Yasuda]

You know,

[Zach Hollis]

I don't like to waste leftovers, so I always eat the fetus afterwards. Why do people fantasize about having a zombie apocalypse? You could eat people right now. Like, you don't have to wait, man.

[Alex Tarshon]

All right.

[Zach Hollis]

I think that's probably about my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just a bunch of creepy bullshit.

[Zach Hollis]

I know.

[James McCann]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's really frightening. Kim Congdon.

[Kim Congdon]

I've never seen a comedian do none liners.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is almost impressive. It's a lot of good topics, a lot of good premises and just a

[Zach Hollis]

fun show, you know, It's a short amount of time, so I was really trying to squeeze what I could in there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you did. Yeah.

[Zach Hollis]

It's not much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I give is the same amount of time that everybody's always gotten on this show. Okay. How long you been doing stand up?

[Zach Hollis]

About two years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Zach Hollis]

All around town. Roscoe's Kickbutt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Austin is the answer. What do you do for work Right now?

[Zach Hollis]

I'm a karaoke DJ on the weekends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Karaoke dj? Tell us about that. What is that like?

[Zach Hollis]

Oh, it's awful, man. They're always trying to skip the line. Bullshit around. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did they offer you money? Do you Every week? Yeah.

[Zach Hollis]

They try to bribe their way on stage. Like the worst excuse I've had was I'm dying of cancer.

[James McCann]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you let them cut the line?

[Zach Hollis]

No, of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Remember what song they wanted to do?

[Zach Hollis]

No. I mean, it was a while ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, very incredible stuff. Karaoke dj. Nothing else about it.

[Zach Hollis]

I mean, I'm doing doordash on the weekends or I'm doing doordash in between doing DJ stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But really say you're doing doordash, does that mean you're ordering it clean?

[Tommy Tickles]

Clearly?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as much as I can, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you like to eat? You are shaped a specific way.

[Zach Hollis]

I mean, I love a good burger, you know, that's always nice.

[Kim Congdon]

You are shaped like a bee.

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah, they used to call me a bear in college because I'm so damn hairy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, okay. All right.

[Zach Hollis]

Not in a good gay way. Just insulting.

[James McCann]

I was gonna say. I don't think that's what that means. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun, Zach?

[Zach Hollis]

For fun? I'm big into video games. Yeah, I'm addicted to them. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What video games?

[Zach Hollis]

I'm playing a new one, Claire Obscure, that came out this week. It's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that like, what do you do on that game?

[Zach Hollis]

It's a rpg. It's turn based, so big budget story. It's really nice. I like it a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So interesting. What's your love life like?

[Zach Hollis]

My love life? Me and my girl bought a house about 15, four months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, nice.

[Zach Hollis]

Headed towards marriage eventually. We'll see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How can you afford a house?

[Zach Hollis]

Who the hell knows? I worked hard before that, but now I'm trying to get into comedy, so, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do before that?

[Zach Hollis]

I used to repair restaurants.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah. Work with power tools.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, nice. And you saved money doing that?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah, a good bit. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now you have a house? Yeah, it was one bedroom, two bedroom.

[Zach Hollis]

It's a three. Three bedroom? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. Absolutely amazing. What are you doing with all those bedrooms? Shh.

[Zach Hollis]

I mean, got my computer in one, got the dogs in the other, and then we stay in the last one,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you know, computer in one, dogs in the other. How many dogs do you have?

[Zach Hollis]

We have two. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. And what do they do in that room?

[Zach Hollis]

Mostly on the floor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Bunch of disgusting today so far. Pull out of the buckets of incredible people, girls whose places smell like cat piss. There's guys with floors filled with.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, well, he's not walking them.

[Zach Hollis]

No, I mean, that's. That's fair. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. So, Zach, what's your house payment like?

[Zach Hollis]

Oh, it's. It's pretty bad. It's like 2000. Before bills and everything on top of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before bills. How much money do you have?

[Zach Hollis]

Not enough, I'll tell you that much. It's getting scary quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us a ballpark.

[Zach Hollis]

Maybe like 10k in the bank. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10k in the bank? We're going at 2k a month. How much money is the wife making?

[Zach Hollis]

Honestly, I'm not sure. I've never asked her about. Direct question. She's definitely the breadwinner right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you look like the bread eater. Yeah, I am.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My goodness. And what does she do again?

[Zach Hollis]

She works for a nursing certification board, so she certifies nursing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's like a real job?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah, apparently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And she's fully supportive of you chasing your dreams?

[Zach Hollis]

She loves it. Yeah, she's super excited for it. She come to your show sometimes when working afford. Obviously our schedules don't really align, but. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long have you been with her?

[Zach Hollis]

Like, three, four years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom?

[Zach Hollis]

They're probably not, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How often are you guys Having sex.

[Zach Hollis]

I don't know. Maybe like three times a week. Maybe three times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's pretty good for a guy built like you. What does she do that turns you on? You have you into something.

[Zach Hollis]

She likes to. She likes to insult me a lot and beat me down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell, yeah. Looks like I could fuck you very easily. All right. Well, what is it, Zach Hollis?

[Zach Hollis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations, buddy. There's a little joke book. Next time, I would say, take your time and pick your. Pick your favorite jokes and commit to them instead of rushing through it. There goes Zach Hollis, everybody. Starting a little fire during the show here. It's like a little tiny fire. Little tiny fire on Kiltoni. All right, let's get another bucket. Pull up here. This looks like an interesting name. You guys having fun out there? Let's meet another one. This one goes by the name of Tommy Tickles, everybody. Tommy Tickles. Hey, we know Tommy. It's the Return of Tommy Tickles, everybody.

[Tommy Tickles]

They say that opposites attract. If opposites really did attract, then my wife really wouldn't have a penis. I'm always broke, looking for new ways to make money. Last week, I took an ad out in the back of a men's magazine offering $50 blowjobs. Now I just gotta get my wife on board. I've written several books. Nine Different Ways to Skin a Cat. You gotta skin it if you're gonna eat it. I've been married 13 years. The next book I wrote, I dedicated to my wife. 101 Ways to Kill youl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Tommy Tickles]

That book was quickly followed by A Sequel, 101 Things to Do in Prison.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Tommy Tickles. Look at you. You're back. I remember you.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yes, sir. I came back. I was here right at Christmas time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I remember you. How could I forget you? You're like a little fucking. You're like a mouse.

[Tommy Tickles]

Well, I'm a farmer. Rancher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, You're a farmer and a rancher. And where is that again?

[Tommy Tickles]

Other side of Fredericksburg, about two and a half hours away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You have your own little property out there.

[Tommy Tickles]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Look at him. He's such a.

[Tommy Tickles]

If anybody needs to bury your body, my Instagram account is Tommy tickles 2025.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay? Tommy tickles 2025. This guy's trying to make money disposing of bodies. Live here on Kil. Tony.

[Tommy Tickles]

I'm trying to start a pet cemetery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. Everybody tonight is frightening. Out of the bucket. I don't know if anybody's keeping track of that. I'm pretty sure that everyone pulled out of the bucket tonight has made a joke about eating either humans or an animal.

[Kim Congdon]

Dude, sit on the end again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's scary. It's okay. Tommy will just bury you on his property for $50. That's all. What is there to be scared of

[Tommy Tickles]

if you have a pet that you need to bury? A pet?

[Kim Congdon]

I'm less scared of the murder and more scared of the tickles, to be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tommy Tickles.

[Tommy Tickles]

If your pet's not dead yet, I'll knock 50 bucks off if you let me kill it.

[James McCann]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. Tommy. You're a wild boy, Tommy Tickles. How old are you?

[Tommy Tickles]

I'm 50. 50 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

50. Take note that Tommy is the same

[Tommy Tickles]

age as the first comedian that you never stop dreaming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, and you, your red band's also 50. Tommy tickles. Absolutely incredible.

[Tommy Tickles]

I'm looking better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you look. You, you're. You're looking good, Tommy Tickles. You're in good shape.

[Tommy Tickles]

Last time you let me roast you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did. I did.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah. You ready?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yes, go ahead. Tommy Tickles. I'm ready for more Tommy tickles.

[Tommy Tickles]

Ranker.com recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. What is that?

[Tommy Tickles]

You about to find it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay, go ahead. Tommy.

[Tommy Tickles]

Ranker.com just listed ranked its top comedians of all time. Ron White was ranked at number 14. Joe Rogan came in at number 89. Tony Hinchcliffe comes in his pants every time he sees Ron White and Joe Rogan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a very good one, Tommy Tickles. That's very good. That's every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I come in my pants when I see two of my good friends. Ron White and Joe Rogan. Yeah, give me another one. Tommy, roast me, buddy.

[Tommy Tickles]

You're Snow White's eighth dwarf.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm five nine, but all right, Tommy. I guess I'm a fucking dwarf even though I'm taller than you, you old Jesus Christ piece of shit.

[Tommy Tickles]

You're a very good looking guy. Some might say you're easy on the eyes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, emerald eyes.

[Tommy Tickles]

Because there's no eyes in the word. Because there's no eyes in the word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, very good. That's two. We. We literally, by the way, it's funny. We have a new job we had to make today. We have people now a fun fact about the backbone behind the scenes of Kill. Tony. We don't really reveal stuff often, but we have two. We hi had to hire two people to keep track of every time we say the word on this show because if we accidentally miss it and it goes on YouTube, it gets completely demonetized, therefore wasting an unbelievable amount of money.

[James McCann]

Who are these working at? YouTube?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. It turns out it's a computer. Now they have a computer. And it takes us, two humans, to compete with their computer because somehow they will find a. In an episode, there's nothing you could do to hide. All right.

[Tommy Tickles]

You also have a. A very nasal voice. When you get stuck in traffic, they call it nasal congestion.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. Tommy, I swear to God, you make fun of me one more time, I'm gonna the out of you.

[Tommy Tickles]

Okay, here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tommy, you live out in the country. What's it. What's some crazy that goes on out there? Like, you ever have someone, like, run out of fuel and come up and like. Or anything, like, knock on your door? You have guns?

[Tommy Tickles]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I love country people. I love it. How many guns do you have, Tommy?

[Tommy Tickles]

I don't count. A lot of them were inherited, you know, like, passed down. So we just have, you know, guns for just doing what guns are supposed to be used for, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you use the guns for?

[Tommy Tickles]

If you need your pet killed, you go to Tommy Tickles, 20, 25.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you out there killing pets? When's the last time you killed a pet?

[Tommy Tickles]

No, I don't kill pets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any pets?

[Tommy Tickles]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of pets?

[Tommy Tickles]

I've got a boxer dog. Great White Pyrenees. We've got llamas.

[Kim Congdon]

Three black guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do with the llamas? What do they do?

[Tommy Tickles]

They protect the sheep and goats from. From coyotes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What they. So if a coyote comes. A llama. What does the llama do?

[Tommy Tickles]

They'll chase them off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, they chase off. Coyotes are scared of llamas? Yeah.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can't a coyote kind of up a llama? No.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess size intimidates them, huh?

[Tommy Tickles]

If they ganged up on him, he could. But normally the best thing about a llama is the scent that they. They put off. So it kind of smells like a horse or a mule, and coyotes don't like that either. So just having them around protects the babies from even other critters like raccoons and fox.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I. I could just hear. Talk about this.

[Tommy Tickles]

We just had a baby. Baby llama.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. It's incredible. Tell us more what it's like out there on the ranch of Tommy Tickles. What else could. What else could one expect? If we. If we were. If we drove up on your property, what would be some things that we saw or would recognize out There it

[Tommy Tickles]

looks like a circus. There's just a mass of chickens and we bottle baby. A lot of animals that come in from other ranches and you know, they say if they have a problem, they can bring it to us. And, you know, we've got a few tricks to where we can, you know, keep the babies alive. And so there's right now my wife's bottle baby bottle feeding 19 different little baby goats and sheep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

19 baby goats and sheep. Oh, my God.

[Tommy Tickles]

It's a full chick is stripping lots of bottles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is absolutely incredible.

[Tommy Tickles]

And now they think that they are your best friend and they kind of think that they're human. And my wife is about the same way. She treats them way better than she treats me.

[Kim Congdon]

Look at, she's fucking them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at the smile on your face.

[Tommy Tickles]

Always comes up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. All these other people that we've pulled out of the bucket tonight up here trying to keep it together. They seem so stressed out. And then Tommy Tickles drives out from the countryside, having the time of his life. Happy to be here.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of. What kind of. What kind of what? You got to look. You got like an old timey pickup truck, don't you?

[Tommy Tickles]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, what is this?

[Tommy Tickles]

Chevy Silverado 2500.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Okay, so. Yeah, because you use it for shit.

[James McCann]

Yeah.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You put stacks in it and whatnot.

[Tommy Tickles]

Hay and heavy equipment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know a lot about. I know a lot about ranching. Yeah. Sometimes you got to throw a haystack in the old pickup truck.

[Kim Congdon]

You know, Red van knows a lot about blue cheese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's true. That's a salad dressing joke. Ranch and blue cheese. You should really record all this stuff that's to going. Going on in your ranch, though. Like that's so popular on tik tok and YouTube. Have you ever thought about a lot of money?

[Tommy Tickles]

I do my stand up set in front of one of the animals. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. No, I'm, I'm, I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on.

[James McCann]

You're doing stand up to the guts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

No, you're doing kid friendly stand up on the TikTok.

[Tommy Tickles]

My goat ate my homework. Really ate half my notes one day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really good jokes. What's that go to?

[Tommy Tickles]

Name Clown face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Clown face. Oh, my God, this guy's adorable. I would watch your reality show.

[Tommy Tickles]

Oh, yeah. No, it's a circus. It's worth watching if I ever get around to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is absolutely incredible. What were you about to say just then?

[Tommy Tickles]

You and red band remind me of IHOP signature dish, Rudy Tooty Fresh and fruity.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you know what? Here I am being nice. I'm being a nice guy, saying, I'm more interested in your life. I'd watch a reality show, and then here you are insulting me.

[Tommy Tickles]

I have watched your roasts on YouTube and there's nothing that I could say that would come close to how good, you know, you do your roast. But you're also kind of evil. So I don't really feel bad about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Reputation of mine that people think I help more people than any. I treat these bucket pools like you treat farm animals. I give them all a chance. Sometimes I fucking psychologically bottle feed them. Tommy, I've been asking people this question. How long have you been with your wife?

[Tommy Tickles]

13 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom?

[Tommy Tickles]

Oh, she keeps things exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Give us a little bit of that. What do you mean by that? Excuse me. Exactly.

[Tommy Tickles]

Sometimes I don't know if she's going to cut me or fuck me.

[Kim Congdon]

I think she's the girl from his novel.

[Tommy Tickles]

She's exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So can you give us an example of a time in which you didn't know whether you were going to get cut or like. What do you mean by that? Exactly. She storms in or something or what happens? Exactly.

[Tommy Tickles]

She said something one day and we were sitting in the truck, and I said, oh, you want to drive? And I threw the keys in her direction and it accidentally hit her. And she got out of the truck and she started running away. And I was like, oh, shit, I better catch her. So I was going to catch her, but she kept on running further and further away. And it's real soft dirt out there or whatever, so I had to tackle her. She keyed my truck and then it was all. It was better after that, you know,

[Kim Congdon]

not the domestic abuse at the Tickle farm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I thought it was gonna end in you guys fucking. I didn't realize it was gonna be a. Yeah.

[Tommy Tickles]

Then things got exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys had makeup sex right after that.

[Tommy Tickles]

Very passionate, this woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Was it in the truck or did you guys. Back when you got back home at the circus. Yeah, right. Absolutely. Wow. Hell, yeah. Well, Tommy Tickles, the last time you were on, did you get a big joke book?

[Tommy Tickles]

Yes, I did. Would you sign it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah, I'll sign it. I'll sign it. Okay. Yeah, I'll sign it. Do you want me to do it now? Yeah. Adorable. There you go. Tommy Tickles. That's for you, buddy. Congratulations. There you go. Tommy Tickles, everybody. I bet he's an interesting, interesting follow. I want to see what's on, going, going on, on that ranch. I want to see with my own eyes. Okay, we're gonna break things up here for a second as I introduce one of the newest golden ticket winners on this show. I'm getting this guy on back to back weeks because he has to go back to Toronto and be a. A very Asian man in Toronto soon. And he's going to be there for months. So here he is before he leaves Austin, Texas with a brand new minute. This is Kansai Yasuda.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Thank you. Thank you. Hey, guys. I used to date with this girl, beautiful girl. And after we dated for one month, she dumped me. And I was devastated. I was sad because she didn't tell me at least why. So I went up to Facebook and see what was going on in her life. Turns out she used to date with this huge black masculine man. And after dumping me, she's back with this huge, same black masculine man again. And do you guys eat sushi?

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Yeah.

[Kansai Yasuda]

You guys eat. Do you guys know there's the reason why there's a little ginger right next to sushi? Yeah, it's a palate cleanser.

[James McCann]

Yeah.

[Kansai Yasuda]

So this bitch use me for palate cleanser because she didn't want to eat big black tuna twice and a low. You know, she. She have to eat pickle. Ginger penis in between. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

K.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Hello.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Hi. Wow.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Hi, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, Kai.

[Zach Hollis]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of my favorite interviewees in the history of the show. You're so stoic. You're so Asian.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're welcome. You've been in Austin for a couple weeks now. How's it been going for you?

[Kansai Yasuda]

It's amazing. I got. I'm living with the black roommate right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're living with a black roommate?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What is that like for you?

[Kim Congdon]

Well, he's wearing his clothes. You look like George talkies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Kansai Yasuda]

George talkies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

George talkies. What do you think that means, Kansai?

[Kansai Yasuda]

George talkies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you get it right, I'll give you a million dollars.

[Kansai Yasuda]

George talkies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kim, you idiot. I just offered him a million dollars. Silly bitch sat here like, explaining with many words.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Bruckman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is correct. Brackman. There you go. You just won a million dollars.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's it like having a black roommate?

[Kansai Yasuda]

It's a. It's. It's very new culture to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Explain exactly what you mean. What is different about the black culture than what you're used to in both Canada and Japan?

[Kansai Yasuda]

It's. He Every day he chase. He want to chase holes. That's what

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

chases. What?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Chases, chase holes. That's, that's. Chases hoes, chases hoe every day and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Kansai Yasuda]

And I'm. I'm like tired because you're tired because

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he's bringing them home and they're making noise.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Making so much noise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you can't, you can't sleep at night, there's so much noise.

[Kansai Yasuda]

I go out, I just go outside and then go to library or like, you know, just go to coffee shop and then write.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right.

[James McCann]

See, a Japanese man knows he doesn't have to chase the hoes. You know, you stand next to them on public transport and you grab. That's the. I know it's a beautiful part of your culture.

[Zach Hollis]

Yes.

[James McCann]

A big fan.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah, we tapped it ass, you know, in a train.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you had a black roommate, but now you're about to head back to Canada this week, am I correct?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what is he gonna do now that his roommate is leaving?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Well, he's gonna chase some holes again, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but how's he gonna. Aren't you helping pay rent?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Oh, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was.

[Kansai Yasuda]

He's just letting me stay, so. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Wow. This is Trump's America, everybody. To where young black men can support having an immigrant on their couch. Who would have thought that the economy would be so good so fast? Me, I did. I thought that's.

[Zach Hollis]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Kansai Yasuda, give us something else. What have you been doing for fun here in Austin? We know that you're working hard. We know that you do a lot of spots. You're a draw. People are booking you on their shows. Especially since you have this new Kil Tony fame. The bump.

[Kansai Yasuda]

The bump.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The bump.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Hans Kim.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Took me to his tour.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Wow, look at that.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Kansai Yasuda]

We went to. I went to his house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Kansai Yasuda]

And two fat cat. He had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Two fat cat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two fat cat.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. One's really gay. Very good. Okay.

[Kansai Yasuda]

And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. So what did you guys do with the two fat cat? Just tried to not eat them the entire time.

[Kansai Yasuda]

It was. It was difficult, but yeah, that was too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fat cat.

[Kansai Yasuda]

And then we pray. Mario Brothers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, God, that is so Asian. Just two Asian guys playing mari. Playing a Nintendo. Oh, you like a Nintendo too? Yeah, I like a Nintendo. Oh, there's a fat cat. Fatakata and Nintendo. Who are you going to be? I'll be a Luigi. I'm going to be the princess. Oh, I'm gonna say Switch. I'm going to be a toadstool. What character are you on?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Mario at Warui Wai.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, very good.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Waluigi Wai.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Why do you go with Waluigi?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Well, it's. Yeah, it.

[Chado]

It.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Waluigi looks like. Waluigi looks like Tony a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you. Are you making fun of me? Everyone's taking shots. All I do is help everybody, and everybody comes up. Oh, this lady's shooting imaginary guns at me. This lady in the front row is like, what the fuck is going on here? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm getting fireballs. Fireballs. Shut the up. Oh, now you want to cheer? All right. Kansai Yasuda, we're going to miss you so much. Have you guys seen Kansai around town?

[James McCann]

I've never seen you before. I think you're great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He really is.

[Kim Congdon]

I've seen a few of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you excited to go back home to Toronto and sit around and eat ramen every day?

[Kansai Yasuda]

I want to eat ramen every day here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You eat ramen every day here too?

[Kansai Yasuda]

I eat ramen. The Korean ramen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Korean ramen?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Yeah. I cook it with my black friend and then.

[Alex O'Brien]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's in the. What's in the ramen?

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sausage and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

sausage. Sausage. Wow. I lived 40 years, I never heard it called that.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sausage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn, that is saucy. Sausage. Wow. Sausage.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sausage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sausage. Try it like this. Try it like this.

[Alex Tarshon]

Go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sausage.

[Kansai Yasuda]

I eat sausage. I love sausage. I love ramen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sidge.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sausage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chi. S. Sidge.

[David Jolly]

I love.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Say sage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just say sidge.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sidge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sidge.

[Kansai Yasuda]

Sidg.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you don't have to make it Italian. You don't have to make it Italian. Just because I extra Asian everything with you doesn't mean you need to Italian it with me. So try this. Just watch me. Watch me. Go. Sidge. Now go. Now go. Sausage. Sausage. Nah, it's still a little sage. You're trying to make it an A. Let's stick with an I here. Even though it is an A and a U, but it sounds like an I. Sausage. No, no, not sausage. Let's try it one more time. Watch me, watch me. Sidge. Sidge. Sausage. Sausage. Do it, do it.

[James McCann]

Noise at the end.

[Chado]

Sausage.

[Tommy Tickles]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, just sausage. He's so Asian.

[Kim Congdon]

Are getting smaller.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sausage.

[Kansai Yasuda]

It's hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's try it in a full sentence. Waluigi ate lots of sausage. Waluigi ate a lot of sausage. God damn it. Kansai Yasuda. We love you, Kansai. You're killing it. Enjoy Canada. We'll see you soon.

[Joseph Paul Alampi]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of the top young rising stars on the show. That is indeed Kai, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're gonna keep. What? Yeah, he's great, right? Yeah, we love him. We love Kansai Yasuda. All right, your next bucket poll. This looks like a new name. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Alex Tarun. Alex Tarun.

[Alex Tarshon]

So I'm not transgender right now, but I am thinking about it. So I might be a translator. I'm actually kind of odd. I'm odd like an eight ball. I'm even black. I'm even black. I got this odd problem I'm trying to figure out. So there's three planes that depart from a Boston airport within a 20 minute window and collide with a building each. Now, if X represents the plane that hit the Pentagon, I'm trying to solve for why the government won't show me the footage. 20 years, still figuring it out, you know. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

58 seconds from Alex Tarun. Am I saying that correctly? Tarun.

[Alex Tarshon]

Tarun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tarun. Okay. What ethnicity are you exactly?

[Alex Tarshon]

I'm African. Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Alex Tarshon]

A lot of Sicilian in there too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right. African and Italian.

[James McCann]

This the accent the last guy was doing? It was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean?

[James McCann]

Sausage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sausage. Sausage, Sausage. Alex, how long you been doing stand up comedy?

[Alex Tarshon]

About 11 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, 11 years. Where at?

[Alex Tarshon]

Mostly New York.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Alex Tarshon]

A little bit of Portland didn't work out well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay. How did you end up in New York? Is that where you're from?

[Alex Tarshon]

Oh, yeah, I'm from Westchester.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. And you live here now?

[Alex Tarshon]

Mm, yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you move here?

[Alex Tarshon]

This baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Baby. Jesus Christ.

[Kim Congdon]

It's those eyes, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just the old emerald eyes of Tony Hinchcliffe. That's my new nickname. Emerald eyes. Okay. Look at you. I mean, holy shit. You look like you would be the first pick in the garbage man draft. It is just incredible what's happening here.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, you know what, I've been trying to sign up for a while and I keep trying different things. Like, I actually just gave up on socks completely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on a second. I'm going to need a second here, everybody. So you're saying that you've been signing up for the show for a while and you haven't been getting pulled randomly out of the bucket? And you think that doing different things, for example, not wearing socks would help make you lucky enough to get pulled out of the bucket?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I kept wearing, like. I kept wearing, like, pants and like, like clothes and stuff. And I was like, you know what? It's not working.

[James McCann]

You can't argue with results. This man is here. The system works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's gonna be 65 people that stop wearing socks next week because of this moment right here. Wow. What are some other things that you did to help you. How many weeks have you signed up? This is a question that I always wanted to ask people. More I should do.

[Alex Tarshon]

It's. It's been about like 20 months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

20 months in a row.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And every Monday you sign up and you don't get pulled out of the bucket. And then this is the first week that you. You go, what do I.

[Alex Tarshon]

Pretty sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I.

[Alex Tarshon]

Pretty sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get out of there. I'm going to stop wearing socks and look at you now. Wow. Do you always wear the. The. The do rag on your head?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, usually I like to wear a hat for like, that big, like, I'm black reveal, you know?

[Kim Congdon]

But we can see your hair.

[Alex Tarshon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. It is incredible because you don't really seem black or Italian. I guess when blacks and Italians made. It just comes out Persian Prince or something like that.

[Kim Congdon]

His smoke detector just goes off whenever he makes spaghetti.

[Alex Tarshon]

I'm actually second generation inbred.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Explain to us exactly what you mean.

[Alex Tarshon]

All right, so I don't know if you can see it from here, but I got this mini pinky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yes, we can. Definitely.

[Alex Tarshon]

I got one of the minis.

[James McCann]

Warn people before that happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D Madness. Saw that little pinky. That is unbelievable. That is the most random thing to say. He's like, well, I don't know if you could see it from there, but I have a very tiny pinky. It's like a blatant thing. Anybody from any distance can notice that you have a shockingly small pinky. That is amazing. I love the presentation of your small pinky. And you're saying that this is because family members above you, your ancestors were fucking one another?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. So, like, my dad's parents were related, but, like, not my parents.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Black or the Italian side?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, on the black side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Baking soda. What?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, technically, most Sicilians are kind of, you know, because it's an island, you know, so it's a lot of, you know, I. All I. My only problem is the pinky. Trust me, it's just the pinky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very suspicious. I don't think anyone's believing that now that you say it. No one's believing it. So are there you have brothers and sisters?

[Alex Tarshon]

Four. Four. Three brothers, one sister. I think I talks, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they have some things wrong with them?

[Alex Tarshon]

My younger Brother is on steroids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not. That's not. That's not.

[Kim Congdon]

He's trying to grow his pinky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they have anything wrong with them? Just ones on steroids. What is he doing? Why. Why is he on steroids?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, he's. He's got, like, body dysmorphia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Alex Tarshon]

And he thinks, like. He thinks that's gonna win his, you know, his girlfriend back or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. That is a ruthless thing to say on this show. Do you and your brother not get along?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, we're good friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. Hell, yeah.

[James McCann]

You got anything you'd like to say about people you don't like?

[Alex Tarshon]

You know, I got my best friends, Adam J. And then Andrew Guarino. Just want to shout them out. Love those guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't do that.

[Alex Tarshon]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't do that. We're gonna bleep those out. I promised them because we bleep on this show now.

[Kim Congdon]

Full.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are we at? 7? 9 if we count your little buddies. All right, Alex Toshun.

[Alex Tarshon]

I got eight dogs, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have eight dogs?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What? What? You live here?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By yourself?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you have eight dogs? Are they all outside?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, they're indoors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have eight indoor dogs. Okay.

[Kim Congdon]

If you want to get rid of them. Any of them. I know a farmer.

[Alex Tarshon]

Oh, yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. Tommy Tickles. You just inherited eight new dogs. Why do you have eight dogs? Explain to us how this happens.

[Alex Tarshon]

So the crazy thing is I just left my two dogs alone for a while, and then they just like. I thought my little dog was just getting fat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they.

[Chado]

Do the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do the new dogs. Do they all have tiny pinkies?

[Alex Tarshon]

No. They're great, though. They're cool. They're really sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you left your two dogs alone? Unneutered, unspayed? They. Did some of the puppies die?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, I got all of them. All six.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So now how long ago did that happen?

[Alex Tarshon]

About almost seven weeks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven weeks. So you have seven week old puppies? Yeah.

[Alex Tarshon]

It's pretty sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you trying. You're just keeping them? You're gonna keep them?

[Alex Tarshon]

So I have to get, like, emotional services. Like, like, it's like a doctor's note for eight dogs because you can't have more than, like. You can't have more than, like, five dogs in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you go ahead, James McKinney.

[James McCann]

What, you're gonna try and take eight emotional support dogs on a jet? What are you talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you seen this guy's pinky? He needs them.

[James McCann]

He's Got to nibble down the rest of the fingers. With wild dogs, you need the government to approve having more than five dogs.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. Or you need to have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trump's gonna ship these things to El Salvador. That's what's going on. This is a new era we're living in, buddy. No break in the rules with this new federal government. What kind of dogs are they?

[Alex Tarshon]

It's mostly pit, so.

[Kim Congdon]

All right, that's the black side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is.

[Kim Congdon]

I know what he's doing with these eight dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're teaching them how to fight.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, one of them bit the other one's tail today, so apparently something called litter mate syndrome, where, like, they're just automatically going to start fighting because they're not normally. Like, normally people don't keep their dogs together like that, so you don't even

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

need to train them. Look at that.

[James McCann]

You start filming it. For TikTok, you make the Ultimate Fighter. But for dogs, you see which one's got some fight in it, that's the one you keep. You send the rest to the farm. Are you really. Are you proud of the one that bit the other one? Is that your favorite one now?

[Alex Tarshon]

My favorite one's Porky.

[James McCann]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why is Wife. Why is Porky your favorite?

[Alex Tarshon]

Porky was the. The only brown one. Everyone else is black, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Some weird racism. I guess you can get away with it 50% of the time.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, the. The hard part about my blackness is, like, nobody believes me.

[Tommy Tickles]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I agree. I could see why. Yeah, it makes sense. What do you do for work?

[Alex Tarshon]

I do jets pizza delivery on South Lamar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You were expecting the crowd to go wild. Red band. You've tried this pizza? Our senior pizza. It's my favorite pizza. Really?

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You gotta get the crust with all this on it.

[Alex Tarshon]

We're giving away free pizzas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you doing that? Explain to us why.

[Alex Tarshon]

I talked to my boss. He said if I got on, we could give away free pizzas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's the. Normally, when someone comes up with a promotion plan like that, they would say where or when the free pizzas would happen.

[Kim Congdon]

If you don't wear socks,

[Alex Tarshon]

just show up to South Lamar jets pizza and ask for a big win.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that you?

[Alex Tarshon]

That's my boss, Mr. Win.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Now, what do you think this guy's going to do when he gets absolutely overwhelmed with people saying, hey, I'm here from the Kill Tony guy. He said that I'd get a free pizza. What do you think's gonna happen?

[Alex Tarshon]

I'm just hoping for a big Big delivery, a lot of tips.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. By tip you mean to your finger.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well. Well, personally, I'm going off the rails. I'm losing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing just fine. You're doing great.

[James McCann]

On paper, you are the best interviewee ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you're doing great.

[James McCann]

You're a black Italian cripple with too many dogs. This.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. I take. I take the stats here. I got it written down here. Tarshoon. I spelled it. I misspelled it. How it's pronounced. Eleven years, African, Italian, New York, Westchester, little pinky.

[James McCann]

I mean, you're chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of boxes, eight dogs. So here's a big question for you, all right? I specialize in different cultures and stereotypes. That's my bread and butter. And now I happen to know for a fact a half black, half Italian is someone that loves women. Yeah, right. You do.

[Alex Tarshon]

The problem.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a problem. Let's talk about that problem. Go ahead. Tell us why it's a problem, how it's a problem. Some things that have come up in your life. You have eight dogs that you're living with and you want pussy all the time. So tell us. Tell the people what it's like.

[Alex Tarshon]

So basically I've come to a conclusion that basically, women, they all say they're different, but they all sound the same. So that's why I've only, like, been going after deaf women. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love you. I love you. That is some real. That's some black belt, Jedi level shit. So explain to us where you're finding these deaf women at.

[Alex Tarshon]

So basically, I was at, like, rock bottom one day, huh? Which is not far from right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, okay. I thought you were talking about the bar or a restaurant for a second.

[Alex Tarshon]

So I was like, what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before we move on, why were you at rock bottom?

[Alex Tarshon]

So I had a. I fell on my knee on the sidewalk and it got infected and the infection went to my face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. It was a staph infection.

[Alex Tarshon]

It was like. I don't know. I. It was like I was on it. To be honest, I don't remember exactly it was. But it was like. It was actually pretty bad.

[Kim Congdon]

Sickle cell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How did it. How did it get to your. How did. What did it do to your face?

[Alex Tarshon]

It started, like an all red and puffy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And how long did you do. Was it after the fall on the knee? In which.

[Alex Tarshon]

The fall on the knee, like, I didn't know because it was such a big collision. And it got like cellulose or cellulitis? Or something like that, like the deep infection.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how many days after the fall on the knee did your face start getting puffy?

[Alex Tarshon]

About a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you were at rock bottom. They gave you antibiotics, right?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, I just had my car got stolen because I live in Portland.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Portland. That's come up a few times tonight.

[Alex Tarshon]

And I was. I was limping to go get some free food from the pantry, and all of a sudden there's this beautiful woman and she's holding. This is a true story. She's holding like a pile of money in her hands and she just goes, do you want any money?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the greatest show ever invented. There's nothing like this fucking show. Just to let you know, every other show in the fucking world, the people are vetted. Like the podcast host knows who they're talking to that day. Every other fucking, not to mention television show, everything we were raised on, they know what questions they're gonna ask. The other person knows what the fucking answer is. They try to make it look natural. This show is so different. What the fuck? What the fuck is going on? Deaf woman with a pile of cash. And she sent it. That sounded accurate. That sounded like a deaf woman. So you're next to her and what do you say to that?

[Alex Tarshon]

I said, well, a couple things. I was like, you kind of caught me at a bad time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You told her that?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, it's not a great time for me. Like, you know, but I said, one day I'm gonna be on tv. When you see me on tv, you give me a call. And she said, okay, bye.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See you on tv. You gave her your number?

[Alex Tarshon]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, how would she give you a call?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I was hoping she'd see me on tv.

[Kim Congdon]

He's gonna get famous and death jam her in the ass.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I figured, like, while, like, while I'm getting through my, like, phase of having no money and eight dogs, like, like I'd get like, to the point where I could finally like have a relationship. You know what I mean? Now's not a good time for it. You know what I'm saying?

[James McCann]

So you got a knee injury that infects the face and you go home to your house with no money and eight dogs and you go, one day love.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James McCann]

This is.

[Alex Tarshon]

You don't find a lot of women like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you don't ever. No one ever has. No one has ever seen a deaf woman with a pile of cash. Not going for it, asking to give it out.

[James McCann]

You start to sound like a three year old grown up and tells a story, you know, and kids. That kids are like. And then there was an apple, and the apple talked to me. And then I fell on my knee, and the knee hurt my face. And there was a woman, and she couldn't hear, and she gave me money, but I walked away. I went home. I had eight dogs at that house. I love you. You're the best quality person I've ever met.

[Alex Tarshon]

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Especially great person for the blood that runs through your veins. I mean, Italians are real pieces of shit. You know what I mean?

[Tommy Tickles]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Guess that was too much. All right. God, I thought you were talking about being inbred. I didn't even know. Okay. Thank you, Red Band, for all the help that you provide over here. Sixteen minutes into this interview, I still feel like I haven't gotten enough.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, it's nice meeting y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're so sweet. This guy. You're unbelievable. Believable.

[Kim Congdon]

He's gotta go. He has eight dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where this deaf woman changed your life to the point to where you are now into deaf women, but you didn't do anything with her?

[Alex Tarshon]

No. Basically, like. And I thought for myself, like, same day, I was like. Well, like. Because she was, like, offering me money, and I was like, this is pretty sweet. And then, like, later on, I'm walking in the grocery store, like. And I sit down and, like, some other woman, like, offers me money. And I was like, it wasn't the same because, like, she thought I was homeless. And I was like, all right. So, like, it's not just that she was offering me money, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you take the money? No.

[Alex Tarshon]

No. And also, she was black, too, so I wasn't really feeling it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not into black women?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not really. You've been with the black woman?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you not. What was it that stood out to you?

[Alex Tarshon]

She had a really nice Afro. I thought she was pretty, but she also had, like, some kind of, like. Like, I ended up, like, kind of getting sick afterwards. Like, she.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. What kind of sick did you get from the black woman? Oh, you might be the greatest interview in the history of the show. So honest. So, like, putting on a clinic.

[Alex Tarshon]

It was basically, like, a couple hours into this and, like, my air mattress already mostly deflated, And she just starts coughing, and I'm like, you all right? It's like, no, I'm kind of getting over something. And I'm like, geez, I'm kind of getting over something. And then all of a sudden, like, I was just sick for, like, another week. Oh, this sucks. So that was. That was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Alex Tarshon]

And then there was. There was. There was one. There was one. There was one. Everyone has one giant, fat black lady off Craigslist, but that doesn't count.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, she was off Craigslist?

[Alex Tarshon]

That doesn't. You know, it doesn't really count.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where did you meet her at?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I met her at my. I met her at her house. You gotta understand. It was Albany. It was Albany. I didn't have a chance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Hold on. I asked. Oh, God. I asked if you see, I asked if you found her on Craigslist, and you said no. Right.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, yeah, but I found her. Craigslist, but then I met her at her house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, Got it. Okay. Didn't find her. Okay, so you did find her on Craigslist, and then your first time meeting her physically was at her house?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

Okay.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you got sick.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that kind of turned you off from black women?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. The thing is, I got sick even though we. We also did it in the shower. It didn't help at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did it in the shower? What made you guys do it in the shower? You both like voluptuous hair. You said that she had an afro. You have what appears to be.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, we started in the shower, we moved over to the air mattress, and to be. To be perfectly honest, you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, here we go. There he goes. He's loaded up, and here it comes. To be perfectly honest.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, it was. Well, I mean, I don't know if I can make this any worse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing just fine, buddy.

[Alex Tarshon]

We kind of filmed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. You just matter. Yeah, it started in the shower. You're both getting over something. What made you guys film it? Whose idea was.

[Alex Tarshon]

I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Liv.

[Alex Tarshon]

I was living in Albany. It was over to Summer, like nobody was there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Upstate New York.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. And I knew I was going to need something for later. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you asked her permission to film.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait a second. There's a little pause. Little big smile there.

[Alex Tarshon]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you. This was at her house?

[Alex Tarshon]

So you couldn't. No, no. It's at my house. We went back to my house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You met her at her house, then you took her back to your house? Why?

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I mean, I just. That's kind of where I just. That's just kind of where I live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you were at her house?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had sex at her house?

[Alex Tarshon]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. You just met her at her house. Did you immediately Take her in your car to your house.

[Alex Tarshon]

I never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys hung out. Oh, you didn't have a car.

[David Jolly]

What did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you guys get from her house to your house?

[Alex Tarshon]

Just walked right home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You walked? How far of a walk was that?

[Alex Tarshon]

Like three, four of a mile, Something like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So not far.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, not far. Two blocks, something like that, you know, not bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, there's a big difference between two blocks, three quarters of a mile. Okay, this has gone way too far. I've been informed by Red Band that it's gone 21 minutes and I don't remember anything about the minute at all. But I'll tell you, you are an unbelievable fucking interview. You sign up next time, I don't want you to ever wear fucking socks again. You hear me? I'm going to try to get you out of this bucket again. There he goes. Alex Tarsu. Wow. Good Lord. There's the lovely Heidi of everybody. She'll knock your socks off. All right. It's a tough, tough follow. Tough to follow. Alex Taron. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Cameron Frisk. Cameron Frisk gets a minute.

[Cameron Frisk]

My buddy's dad just died in a motorcycle accident and then he got super religious after it happened and he's like, cameron, I accept Jesus as my one true father. Like, nice. Now you got two dads that don't talk to you, jackass. He's like, you want to come to church? He's like, I'd rather ride on the back of your dad's motorcycle when he crashed. I'm not gonna lie to you. Everybody tells me my mustache makes me look racist. I was like, wait till you hear my mouth. You're gonna love it. Now a little bit about me. I do, I hate reverse cowgirl. Unpopular opinion. I do. I hate reverse cowgirl. That's just cause I love fucking straight cowboys. Where my fellas at? Horns up, boys. Listen, I came here to suck dick and tell jokes and I'm all out of jokes, fellows. I didn't get these tonsils removed for nothing. Let's get this golden ticket over with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. Don't count your chickens over there. Cameron, welcome. How are you? Is this your first time on the show?

[Cameron Frisk]

Second time I was on like a month ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, welcome back. How has life changed since the first time you were on?

[Cameron Frisk]

People have been coming to my work now and coming and being like, hey, I saw you on Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your work again?

[Cameron Frisk]

I work at Piranha, the smoothie coffee shop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kyle owns yeah, we love, we love Prana. It's a great, great place. East side 7th Street. Yeah.

[Cameron Frisk]

Everybody in my hometown hit me up, which was pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your hometown?

[Cameron Frisk]

Ojai, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. The energy vortex.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yes, the energy vortex, absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's all coming back to me now. Prana has a lot of like, it's a, it's a famous place for like hot chicks to go to.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yes, very famous. Hot chicks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Cameron Frisk]

I don't know if they're famous, but tons of hot chicks there. For sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The place is famous for having hot chicks. Not famous. Hot chicks.

[Cameron Frisk]

What he said yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay.

[Cameron Frisk]

Smoke shows.

[Chado]

All of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. What do you do for fun, Cameron?

[Cameron Frisk]

I've been traveling. Like, I went to Africa last year. That was the craziest thing I've probably done in a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you go to Africa?

[Cameron Frisk]

I'd never been out of the country other than like Canada for one hour and me and my girlfriend were like. I was like, I want to go to New York. And she's like, how about Africa? And I was like, perfect. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you keep an eye on her the whole time she was there?

[James McCann]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very suspicious.

[Cameron Frisk]

She was kind of a hot commodity there. I did talk to like one of the chiefs there and I was like, get a little, get a load of this thing right here. I was like, I'll trade her four goats. And he like laughed. He's like, ha, three. And I was like, it's not bad. Three goats is a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I think you're trying to. It's hard to follow the interviewing style of Alex Tar.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, of course. He's the man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know Alex.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah. He has a crippling gambling addiction and I hang out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get Alex back up here. Get Alex back up here. He's such a. This is what we're going to do. We're going to trade out your boring white guy interview. Oh yeah. Is Alex still here? Can we obtain him?

[James McCann]

Let's get Alex become a known commodity at the area where everyone's hanging out waiting to get on the show.

[Cameron Frisk]

He's, he's, he's an earful to talk to. He's the man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where the. Alex get out here. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the return. The long awaited return. Does anybody work here? Get Alex Tarshon for me. Fuck is going on? What could he possibly be doing?

[Kim Congdon]

Well, he is half black, so he's gonna be late.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So yes, he's in the back, but no, he's not here. Tell. How do you know about his gambling addiction.

[Cameron Frisk]

Guys, we were just hanging out and talking and he was like frantically pacing, looking at his phone. It was on like 5% and he was just tweaking. He's like, I don't know. I think my phone's going to die. Should I pull out? I might lose $100. And I was like, you just have my charger thing. Because I kind of wanted to see the gambling continue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did he win?

[Cameron Frisk]

I don't think so, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Cameron Frisk]

I didn't see him finish. It was like. It was basketball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. So very interesting. Guy with eight dogs, lives by himself. It's a crippling gambling addiction.

[Zach Hollis]

Who would have thought?

[Kim Congdon]

I like that. At the end of it, he was like, you could have my socks. It's all I have left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else about Alex? Tell us more about Alex Tarshon. I'm just gonna interview people.

[Cameron Frisk]

Did he tell you guys about his cartoon he made?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my.

[James McCann]

He did not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God.

[Cameron Frisk]

Maybe the most racist piece of animation I've ever seen. It's crazy, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going.

[Cameron Frisk]

I don't know what it's called, but it's pretty much Ed Edd? N Eddy with a lot more N words in it. It's fantastic, but it's hard to watch. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And this is like a comic book.

[Cameron Frisk]

No, it's like full on. Like, he drew out the cartoon, like, not by hand, but digitally and then made it into a thing. Took him months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like an actual cartoon.

[Cameron Frisk]

It's a real ass cartoon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[James McCann]

And he.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he showed it to you on his phone?

[Cameron Frisk]

I think he just told me to look it up and I just went in that little rabbit hole and. Yeah, it was very interesting. That's for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you remember the plot line or anything like that?

[Cameron Frisk]

It was pretty much. I swear to God, it's just pure racism. Most of it. Like, that was pretty much the plot line was Ed Edd? N Eddy. But they're black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Kim Congdon]

It's called N N and ne.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Will somebody for the love of God, get me Alex Tarshew? I need Alex Tarshew. Nice. In fact, never let him leave again. Let's just keep him. Let's keep him. Let's do what he does with his eight dogs. Keep him chained up right at the back post here.

[Cameron Frisk]

Because he can't be far.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he can't be far. Okay, Cameron, what's the most interesting thing about your life before we get out of here?

[Cameron Frisk]

At the moment, I pretty sure I might have a child in Denver, Colorado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What makes you say that.

[Cameron Frisk]

Well, when I was like, 14, some girl had sex with me on a boat. And then. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you now?

[Cameron Frisk]

I'm 27.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so go ahead.

[Cameron Frisk]

And then. And then she got pregnant. But she had a boyfriend at the time, never said anything to me, and moved to Denver, Colorado. And then I would stalk her Instagram and, like, keep updates on the photo of the kid to hopefully it started looking like her husband and not me. That's what I was rooting for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it's a girl.

[Cameron Frisk]

It's a girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And so is the girls grown up? What, does she. She have a mustache?

[Cameron Frisk]

She looks like the cutest little Civil War baby you've ever seen. No, I don't know. I honestly. She deleted her Instagram and I've lost all contact at this point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, what a sad end to a stalker's story.

[James McCann]

She didn't delete it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She blocked you, by the way.

[Cameron Frisk]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Cameron, what's your living situation?

[Cameron Frisk]

I live in an apartment. It's not bad. One bedroom.

[Isaac Kane Brown]

Big.

[Cameron Frisk]

I got a fireplace now, which I didn't have in California, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You afford that just from working at Prana?

[Cameron Frisk]

Barely, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Cameron Frisk]

Yeah, well, rent's a lot cheaper here. It's like $2,000. And you don't have to live in a garage like you do in California, which sucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is cool.

[Cameron Frisk]

So I have a fireplace now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. There you go, Cameron.

[Cameron Frisk]

Moving up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What size joke book did you get last time?

[Cameron Frisk]

I got a little one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that sounds about right. Ah, damn it. Let's give you a medium one. Slow but steady improvement.

[Cameron Frisk]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cameron, frisk everybody. There he goes. Let's get through another bucket pool here, ladies and gentlemen. It goes by the name of Alex o', Brien, everybody. Here comes Alex o'. Brien. Alex o'. Brien.

[Alex O'Brien]

Y' all are beautiful. First class. High dollar. I'm gonna be like Nick Cage. I'm gonna be gone in 60 seconds, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Alex O'Brien]

Ma', am, do you know what your problem is? Not shit. Nothing. You're doing great. You're killing the game. I appreciate you being out here. So I have two things for you. Bank robbers and playing hinders. My grandma used to say, playing hinders. Oh, we playing hinders, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Alex O'Brien]

Playing hinders. Which meant inappropriately touching something as a kid from another person. Now, we didn't play hinders, but we did play doctor a little bit. We got played doctor a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'd be like, oh, is your elbow hurt?

[Alex O'Brien]

Let me get some aloe, rub that on There real quick. Your low back hurt. Get some aloe on the doctor. Rub that on, make you feel good. Make me think about hinders as I'm an adult. I think hinders might have been fucking butt stuff and I think my grandma might have been into that a little bit. She'd be asking us to play hinders. I tell you that to tell you this. The bank robber situation. Bank robber situation is. Some of y' all men know about this is when you're tucked into your waistband, your opportunity is looking straight up at you. It's goddamn robbing the bank. Just put the fucking money in the bag. Oh my God. It's a dangerous thing to have. So you're playing hinders, you're putting the money in the bag. It's a great thing. What do you got for me, Tony?

[Kim Congdon]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ almighty. Kim Congdon.

[Kim Congdon]

This guy is talented as fuck. I'm going to say it right now. He made 60 seconds feel like an hour. That was beautiful.

[Alex O'Brien]

That's all I can ask.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever done stand up before?

[Alex O'Brien]

Only fucking five times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, and how. How many times have you signed up for this show?

[Alex O'Brien]

This is my ninth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ninth time signing up. And your first time on? Correct.

[Alex O'Brien]

That's accurate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God. What do you do for work?

[Alex O'Brien]

Well, I'm a substitute teacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh.

[Alex O'Brien]

And a comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No you're not.

[Alex O'Brien]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Alex Tarshon]

I was waiting for that.

[Alex O'Brien]

Got me dialed in. Substitute teacher.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Alex O'Brien]

38.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What made you start stand up now at 38 years old?

[Alex O'Brien]

So I got super good at coke over Covid, like really good. I wasn't teaching and I was like, yo, man, this stuff is, you know, keeping me occupied and in my house. And so I had to reset my life. And when I did that, I said to myself, jim, Jesus, maybe I should just move the out of Seattle where it rains too much and pretend like I'm funny on stage. So far, no good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the worst. You're the worst. You're adorable, but you're the worst. Where are you originally from? Florida.

[Alex O'Brien]

Seattle, Washington.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that makes sense. That makes perfect sense.

[Alex O'Brien]

SAD seasonal affective disorder.

[Cameron Frisk]

Come out here.

[Alex O'Brien]

I'm feeling a little bit better. But you still do coke right now? No siree bob.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How. What happened?

[Alex O'Brien]

Two and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two and a half years sober?

[Alex O'Brien]

Yeah, I was. I was like borderline scared. Schizo. I was really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It kind of stuck with you. Some people do enough to where they just kind of stay.

[Alex O'Brien]

Maybe that was just the natural effect and it was just enhancing A little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Okay. Have you ever met Alex Tarshon before?

[Alex O'Brien]

I heard good things. What have you heard my name repeated over and over again? Me going, am I Anya? And backstage. And then the person in front of me. That's as much as I've heard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, right. What's the most interesting thing about your entire life? Nobody has any idea what you talked about for your minute, by the way.

[Alex O'Brien]

Just a bunch of gibberish. Absolutely gibberish. All right, noted. I appreciate that feedback. I did a background dance. I was a background dancer for Run DMC One time at a PE conference. I killed it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Kim Congdon]

You have one of the most hateable faces I've ever seen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, let's go.

[Kim Congdon]

I gotta say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go.

[Kim Congdon]

When you're yourself and you're an actual douchebag and you. Like when you did that thing before you did the bit, there's like little glimpses of maybe you could do something there. But you have to go with that douchebag face. You can't hide it. Like, we're looking at it present.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ever use it to your advantage?

[Alex O'Brien]

You know, I used to. I was super good at it. Like, you know, not a good person for a while. For Christ's sake. Cocaine. But no, not anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how. How would you use it to your advantage?

[Alex O'Brien]

How would I use it?

[Cameron Frisk]

My advantage?

[Alex O'Brien]

I would. I'd be like, yo, what's up, girl, what's poppin? Brand new whip just hopped in. And then she'd be like, oh, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not how I got you.

[James McCann]

A heterosexual.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck. Fuck. There's only one thing to do right now. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back Alex Tarshon, everybody. Thank you so much. Yeah. Crowd goes wild. We're upgrading our out. Alex's the fuck out of here. Alex Tarshon. The world wants more of you since you were gone. Since you've been gone. We heard. We learned that you have a crippling gambling addiction.

[Alex Tarshon]

Oh, yeah? Who told you that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even Matt Muling just gave a good oh. Like. It's like. You are a geyser, my friend. You are just a flowing vat of natural material. Yeah, we heard about it. We heard about it from Cameron Frisk. Do you know Cameron?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, he does.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you know Cameron. So tell us about this gambling problem.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, basically, I figured out right now it's all about the arbitraging.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's all about the what?

[Alex Tarshon]

So you just. You just bet both sides. You automatically win like a dollar or two and you just keep rolling it

[James McCann]

over but you're meant to do that with millions of dollars on either side. And you.

[Alex Tarshon]

We're snowballing. We're snowballing.

[James McCann]

Are you. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what to do with this guy. It's the greatest interview of all time.

[Alex Tarshon]

You want to. You want to hear a quick story about how I save someone's life?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Yes.

[Alex Tarshon]

So me and my first pitbull are walking down by the river, and I'm looking for my cell phone because I lost it, and it's nighttime, and I want to ask someone if I can call, like, my phone and their phone, but they don't want to do that because it's nighttime and stuff. So I see this one guy. I don't want to ask him, but I don't. And then I'm walking by the river, and I see this body floating in the river, and I was like, oh, my gosh. I run back to the guy. I'm like, hey, we gotta call the ambulance and stuff, like. And he's like, all right. He doesn't believe me necessarily. So we go back to the river. No one's there, but they float under the pier. So I'm like, it's, like, February, and it's, like, really cold, and I'm like, she'd probably freeze her in there because she. You know. So I did was. I took off all my clothes, and I just started going into the river, and it was the Hudson River. So I was kind of like, I've never been in here. I don't know how deep it is, but, like. So I just thought, I get in there, and she must have been, like, at least 250, but, like, in the water, I could still move her, and, like, I'm getting her up on, like, the rocks and stuff. The guys helped me get her up and stuff. We get my dog on top. We're trying to warm her up. And then, like, the thing is, though, is, like, when the fire department came and all the ambulance and stuff, like, I was so proud to tell them, like, who I was and stuff. But the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The.

[Alex Tarshon]

The person who helped me, like, he's like, my name is Vivian. And I'm like, whoa. Like, because, like, the only thing I wanted was, like, for, like, a hot chick to see this, and I'm like, bro, are you a hot chick, though? And he was like, yeah, like, I'm transgender. And he's like, yeah, I came to the river to kill myself, too. But, like, this is my it's a wonderful life moment. So I'm not Going to do it. And I'm like, that's pretty sweet. That's pretty sweet. Thank you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about this cartoon you made.

[Alex Tarshon]

Oh, they told you. No one told you about that? All right, so it's basically the black version of Ed. Edd and Eddie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going.

[Alex Tarshon]

Okay, so basically it's called Nig Nigga.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going.

[Alex Tarshon]

All right, so it. The episode four is my favorite because it. It has, like, a Buzz Lightyear. Like, you remember, like, when Buzz Lightyear was Mrs. Nesbit? Sure, everyone forgets about that. But I had this whole bit about, like, how, like, Buzz Lightyear comes back to see his friends, and he's, like, just missing an arm, and he's, like, wearing, like, a girl hat and apron. And then, like, all the characters, like, we gotta, like, get out of here before Buzz infects us with his gay. Before. Before we know we'll all have our arms out our socket wearing a lady hat. And you see, like, Mr. Potato Head, like, missing an arm. Be like, hey, boys, I've always been Mrs. Potato Head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, where can people find these cartoons at? Plug it.

[Alex Tarshon]

So you gotta go to. You gotta go to. What the hell is my name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Alex Tarshew.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. But right now it's purebred retard on YouTube.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's your name?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, Purebred.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, like your bread. Retard. All one word. Are there any underscores or anything?

[Alex Tarshon]

Bread, like the food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, bread like the food. Pure bread. Retard. What made you go with bread like the food on that one was Purebred Retard Regular taken.

[Alex Tarshon]

Well, I used to be. I used to be Inbred Retard. And then that got me in a lot of trouble, like on Instagram and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the part that you think got you in trouble? Not the retard part.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm sure the guy with the pinky stole that handle.

[Alex Tarshon]

You know, for a long time, I would Google, like, like, why do I have a mini pinky? But I didn't know how to spell pinky. Like, I think I used, like, do, like, P, I, N, K, like Y or something like that. Or I, E. I don't remember. But, like, I can't really spell that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you say spelled it wrong.

[Alex Tarshon]

I couldn't spell pinky for a long time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a bad speller.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How bad do you think you are? Pretty bad.

[Alex Tarshon]

I'm more of a math guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More of a math guy. Okay. Are you good at math?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, I do okay.

[Tommy Tickles]

Wow.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah, I did that one. That's me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We found the cartoon. This is incredible.

[Alex Tarshon]

I saw that. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A Tarshon cartoon.

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah. That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is. It is. For those of you wondering what the spelling of this cartoon is, it is N I, G, comma, N, I, g, G, N, N, I, G, G, A. I don't know if I'm allowed to spell that word. We'll see. We'll see. But it is a real cartoon. Wow. I definitely can't say it, but I think I'm allowed to speak. Spell it.

[Alex Tarshon]

Thank you.

[David Jolly]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of these have you made?

[Alex Tarshon]

I got four right now. Working on part five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Incredible. Even your, like the. Even the, like, 20th most interesting things about you are so interesting.

[Alex Tarshon]

Hey, you want to see the Feast Day Resistance?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The what?

[Alex Tarshon]

You want to see the best part?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Alex Tarshon]

Hey, look at my shoe. Look at my shoe. Ready?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Is your shoe broken?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What size shoe do you wear?

[Alex Tarshon]

10.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Alex Tarshon]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. My shoes would be a little too big on you. I was gonna give you my shoes.

[Kim Congdon]

Someone's got a size 10 in here. Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's got a good size 10? Anybody?

[Kim Congdon]

Someone give these man your shoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look, hold on. There's a guy in a Hawaiian shirt standing up. There he goes. I think he's. Oh, he's leaving. Everybody's leaving. Okay, you got a size 10. No, 12's not gonna work. No, he's gonna get an infection in his face. You got a pair of tens?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Throw them up here. Throw them in. Throw them up here.

[James McCann]

Ew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. Those look terrible. No, pass them back. Pass them back. He's better off. He's better off without. I'll tell you what, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you an automatic minute next week, and I'm going to present a new pair of size 10 shoes to you. A brand new pair. And we're going to go through another interview. This one lasted 10 minutes. You add that to the 21 before, that's 31 minutes. Technically, I do believe with the two commandments combined, you do hold the record for the most interviewed person in the history of the show in a single night. I already gave you a big joke book. There you go. Alex Tarshon, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna keep it moving along. We realize that we haven't had a female comedian here tonight, so we're gonna get one up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a minute from Lisa Jane Spencer. Make some noise for Lisa Jane Spencer.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Hello. I know I Sound retarded, but I'm just Australian. Yeah. So I'm just wondering, are we still pretending white people. Are we still pretending that we don't say the N word? Like, when they're not around, obviously. I remember learning about it. I was young, my brother was young. And my brother got back from a friend's house, and he was talking about this cereal that he had. You guys call it Cocoa Crispies. We call it Cocoa Pops. But see, he called it N and pops. Yeah. So my mom banned that. Yeah. But yeah, we just learned to hide it. Right. You just learn to hide it. And my favorite is just doing it in the. In the car, you know, listening to Kanye. That's my favorite. I'm talking about eating Nutella.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep going. Finish it.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I'm talking about eating Nutella.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's it.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Lisa Jane Spencer, ladies and gentlemen. We're welcome to the show, Lisa. We're going to go to our senior Australian correspondent, James McCann.

[James McCann]

Lisa, you've dishonored our country. These people already think we're extremely racist because of our racism.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I was just Teller, though. I was just. I was just talking about either.

[James McCann]

Can you tell me what it meant?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Okay, well, I was alluding to that. Yeah. The N word. But actually. But actually I was talking about Nutella.

[James McCann]

You were saying the N word that you weren't meant to say was Nutella.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yeah, Nutella.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys, the. The two Australians are creating some kind of feedback here, it seems.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

And I. I hadn't. I. I did have an ending of it, but I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you had an ending to the joke.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I did have an ending.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What was the ending to the joke that I asked you to do? I was gonna tell you three times.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I was gonna say, relax, I'm just Australian. We just call Rocky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Red band. Red band.

[James McCann]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're just Australian. What?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

We just call each other.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Very good.

[James McCann]

We do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna have to bleep that one.

[Kim Congdon]

Why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's another bleep. Even when an Australian says that, it counts. Even though you guys.

[James McCann]

You can probably say pufta, though. Yeah, Pufta's our. But I don't think YouTube knows about Pufta yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

YouTube's robots don't know about poofta. What does that mean exactly?

[James McCann]

Sort of a light in the loafers type individual.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

It means gay. You're gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Yeah, okay.

[James McCann]

Where are you from in Australia?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Melbourne.

[James McCann]

Terrible city. I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I apologize. Oh, I love Melbourne.

[James McCann]

You love Melbourne?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love Melbourne. My Favorite city in Australia.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

It is nice. There's like nice parts of it like the peninsula, Dandenong Ranges.

[James McCann]

No, I had an engagement breakdown in Melbourne. It's a shit city and I can't say enough bad things about it. They monopolize our football. They stole our Grand Prix. They talked down on the people of Adelaide. Shame on Melbourne. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Kim Congdon]

But there's not a lot of Nutellas.

[James McCann]

There's actually Kim. After the South Sudanese war, there was a huge influx of Nutellas in Melbourne. And they had have changed the game in Australian football. Every team has a great big seven foot Nutella now out there. Yeah.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yeah.

[James McCann]

How long have you been in America?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Literally like four days.

[James McCann]

Four days?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James McCann]

What's the weirdest thing about America so far?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

The weirdest thing?

[James McCann]

Yeah.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Okay. Well, last night I was standing next to a truck that was like double the size and that was like a normal car.

[James McCann]

Yeah. Now, I don't know why they made trucks so big here. They just made them big enough to kill children without knowing about it. And they. They want them big enough to kill a basketball playing Nutella. Do you know what I'm saying about these trucks? It's too much. I apologize.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever seen a half Italian, half Nutella before? Let me show you one. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Alex Tarshon, everybody. I don't know which one's more creeped out by the other right now. Having quite the standoff. She looks scared to death, by the way.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I don't know what's happening.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. This guy is one of the most interesting people in the history of the show.

[Alex Tarshon]

Be scared of 40% of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You only have to be scared of 40% of them. Have you ever seen anything like that on the streets of Melbourne?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. She looks genuinely frightened. I don't know if the cameras are picking it up. Alex, have you ever hung out with an Australian person before?

[Alex Tarshon]

No, not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at this. Absolutely incredible. If you were going to take her on a date, where would you take Lisa Jane Spencer?

[Alex Tarshon]

Hear him in the Jets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a pizza place on Lamar.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I do like pizza.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like pizza? Oh, you're in for a treat, man.

[James McCann]

We got our very own Love on the Spectrum happening right here on Kill Time.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you like dogs?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you like dogs?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Dogs. I love dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of do you like?

[James McCann]

How many dogs do you love? What would be a reasonable number of

[David Jolly]

dogs for a man to have?

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Just one.

[David Jolly]

One.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we got.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I don't have a dog. I don't. I used to have a dog, but it died.

[James McCann]

This man's got eight dogs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just want to let you got eight dogs.

[Kim Congdon]

What are you into anything weird sexually? Like two in the pink, half in the sting?

[James McCann]

This is very rude. He has a. He has a funny hand. He has a funny hand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's got a weird pinky. She is scared to death, ladies and gentlemen. Again, when she faces you guys, she starts to smile and everything, but when she looks directly at him, there's a specific, like ghostly look that comes over her face of concern.

[Kim Congdon]

It's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wish we had like a reverse camera. I guess we can't really do it.

[James McCann]

Lisa, I want you to know this is just what America's like. It's like this every single day forever.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I was at that show last night. I've forgotten.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Alex, let me ask you a question. After you took her to jets, then what would you do with her?

[Alex Tarshon]

Probably bring it in my van.

[Kim Congdon]

Australians love vans, dude.

[Lisa Jane Spencer]

I don't. No, I don't date van people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he doesn't. Here's the twist. Is that. That's just a great. Every question I ask him is brilliantly answered. He doesn't live in his van. He has his own place. Eight dogs and an air mattress. Look how proud. Look how proud he is. He loves his life.

[Kim Congdon]

He's about to get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, he's so cool. I'm buying him a new pair of shoes. I've never even done that before. 12 years we've been doing this show. I'm buying him new kicks.

[Alex Tarshon]

Hey, you know. Oh yeah, I'll buy you shoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Alex, look at this.

[James McCann]

What are you gonna do, skin the dogs? You got no way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at this. You've heard of love at first sight. This is fear at first sight. A sweet little Australian who did n word jokes. Now looking at a half pinkied inbred Nutella. Okay, Lisa, just cause I'm in a good mood, I'm gonna give you a big joke book. You don't really deserve it for any reason, but I'm just. Alex Tarshon has brought me so much joy here tonight that you're leaving with a big joke book. How about one more time for Lisa Jane Spencer? And how about one more time for the final time? Alex Taron, everybody. Guy's been signing up for ever over a year. Wow.

[James McCann]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crowd is on their plate feet. People on the balcony are standing up. This is chaos. All right, we'll see you next week, Alex. There's only one way to end an episode like this, and you damn well know that. It has to be the ringer of all ringers. The Memphis Strangler. It is the vanilla gorilla. The one and the only, the big Red machine. The hall of Famer. This is William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

And by the way, if you love Ed and Eddie, you're going to love Alex's very racist cartoon. I've actually been a backer. I've given him a lot of money. It's a wonderful cartoon. Well, it happened. Virginia Giffrey got suicided this past week in Australia after having been hit by a school bus going 80 miles an hour a couple weeks before. In the immortal words of Hillary Clinton, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So the Philadelphia Eagles drafted a guy named Jihad Campbell. My math may be off, but wasn't he born after 9?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

11.

[William Montgomery]

And they named him Jihad Campbell. He's an explosive linebacker, really willing to sacrifice his body.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He'll fast.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, he's fast. In college, I heard he banged 99 virgins. And if you think the New York Giants can tower over him, he will fly right into them two at a time. If he launches into two people hard enough, a third might fall down, and folks will claim it was a controlled demolition. Also, there's a rumor Mossad knew about Jihad Campbell, but failed to warn the Patriots. Okay, I ain't taking no shit. That's my impression of a constipated man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. Wow. Damn. We know who the interview of the night was. But, my God, let there be no question, the set of the night goes to the man who's done it, Tony, more than anybody, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times. And meanwhile, here he comes, swinging his sledgehammer of destruction yet again. And you did it with a do rag on.

[William Montgomery]

And for the record, this thing smells like toning. No, I'm kidding. Alex is so funny, but I swear I was smelling his ass, and I was like, oh, my God, is he going to let me wear this? And then he put it on me, and I'm like, dude, this smells like. Yeah, it smells like eight dogs living at the apartment with you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight dogs and a lot of pizza. Yeah, My goodness. But totally worth it. The hardest I've laughed all night was on your entrance. Your material followed the entire way through. An entire 60 seconds of laughter. All gas, no brakes. The big red machine has arrived.

[William Montgomery]

So nice to be here. It's all the. It's all the rowing I've been doing, Tony. I'm at 200,000 meters already in this month.

[James McCann]

Okay, Tony.

[William Montgomery]

I'm up to over 500,000 meters since January.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

So I am going. And then I almost broke my big toe. I think a couple of days ago I was moving some piece of equipment and it fucking fell right on my big toe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[William Montgomery]

It hurts so bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me just warn you, you might have a face infection in no time.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I hope not. He also had a staff infection. Didn't he have a staph infection? There's somebody else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know. It's a bit. Basically, cellulitis is kind of an extension of that. I think a lot of you know that I'm a Canadian doctor, so, you know, we're all.

[James McCann]

You gotta put him down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're not going down that path again. Okay. So, William, you look fantastic. You're absolutely gonna. Glowing. So have you been on tour?

[Tommy Tickles]

I have.

[William Montgomery]

I was in Virginia Beach, Virginia, this past weekend. It was a wonderful time. I ended up eating a whole bunch of seafood and. Tony, I'm serious. I don't think I'm ever really going to stop eating the seafood. I love some seafood. I was eating some of the fried shrimp.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, what other. What Some kind of. What are some other kind of seafood?

[William Montgomery]

I was eating fried fuck flounder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh.

[William Montgomery]

I was eating fried grouper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

I was eating fried redfish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

And hush puppies, which is also like a fried breading bread.

[Kim Congdon]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

But, yeah, it was really good. And I walked on Virginia beach and had a really good time. And it. Honestly, I felt like I was in Mogadishu or something. It seemed kind of crazy. I'm looking out at the ocean as this. Just big ships cruising around everywhere and just the people on the beach. It's like, where am I? But I loved it in Virginia Beach. Everybody that came to see me was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, what, what about Mogadishu? It's just.

[William Montgomery]

I swear I just had like this, like this feeling of where. What country am I in? It just looked like crazy looking out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, There's. There's James McCann, your fellow. Your fellow fellow.

[William Montgomery]

I know it is so nice to say fellow ginger friend.

[James McCann]

I. You look so cool with the durag.

[William Montgomery]

Thank you so much, man. I think you could get away with it, cuz I feel like I can get away with it right now, so.

[Cameron Frisk]

I think you could get away with it.

[James McCann]

I'm afraid that there's stuff in it like a flea or something or.

[William Montgomery]

James, let's switch hats. I think you could.

[James McCann]

No, I don't think they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's switch hats.

[James McCann]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. The crowd wants it.

[James McCann]

James.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. Oh, my God. That's great.

[Tommy Tickles]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, my God. Wow. James McCann. I think his pinky's getting shorter in real time.

[Kim Congdon]

Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Somehow you look totally different than everybody.

[James McCann]

Shut your ass. Anyway, Excuse me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's a whole new man. This is the new James McCann.

[James McCann]

Oh, now's the time to say it, but I'm too afraid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, I was a. Yeah, Nutella.

[James McCann]

I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

[David Jolly]

Damn.

[James McCann]

Now I won't do it anymore.

[William Montgomery]

I think that was a pretty bad mistake, James.

[James McCann]

We got a swap. We got a swap. The durag is too powerful. Give me my hat back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

James McCann is on a USA trip tour. Get [e-mail] William Lights Out Montgomery has done it again, ladies and gentlemen. He's on tour. Kim Congdon's on tour. Kimcon.com with a C O N G D O n. She's a brea. May 14th Oxnard, May 15th. James McCann is everywhere. It is a true American tour again. J D fmcan with2ns.com yeah, three ends now.

[James McCann]

Feel free to bleep that. Maybe it's one of the parts of the show that just stays in the room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ExpressVPN zip recruiter prize picks and to is the drawing from Ryan. Je belt is in. It is incredible. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Red Band.

[James McCann]

Check out the Sunset Strip. Atx.com Love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No doubt about it. Here we go. London, England. Madison Square Garden. Everything's right around the corner. A lot of other fun stuff. Another more huge announcements and everything non stop with this goddamn show. Somehow it just continues on and on we go. Live audience, thank you. We love you. Thank you. Good night everybody. James McCann. Kim Congdon.

[Kim Congdon]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to Sunset Strip stripatx.com for tickets.