Tony Hinchcliffe (0:00)

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Ratman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitchcock. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? All right. Yippee. Big sorry, sir. Red Band, everybody. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Come on. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Chorito, Chalupa, Huevos Rancheros. We got the great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar tonight, lacking vitamin D. Speaking of D on the bass guitar, that is indeed D madness, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my goodness, what a show we have lined up for you guys on this beautiful Monday evening. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. All right, let's talk about how Amazon prime makes everything better. You know the moment you're binge watching different things and you realize that prime has more to offer than expected. Amazon prime isn't just fast delivery though, let's be honest, getting snacks or a last minute prop delivered the same day is a lifesaver. It's also Amazon Music to Vibe to and all the things that make life more interesting, right? Ban. Whether streaming a stand up special, building the perfect playlist for the next show, or gaming, getting new gear delivered fast, prime helps make it all happen and maybe even delivers a few laughs along the way. So whether comedy, drama or just the perfect new joke book is the Vibe. Remember, prime is there for it. I do it all on Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. Amazon.comprime this episode is brought to you by State Farm. Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want is a great feeling. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Member week is here at Lowe's. Don't miss your chance to get up to 40% off hundreds of items like paint, outdoor and home essentials and more. Shop our exclusive deals happening in store and online now through May 14th. Not a rewards member. Join for free today and get ready to save more Lowe's. We help you save loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details@lowe's.com Terms subject to change. Here we go. You guys ready to start tonight's show? This is Kill Tony. Brought to you by ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter prize picks and to cove. Every single week, I book two of the best guests humanly possible. What I love about this show tonight is that this is a booking of two of my favorite guests of the year. Two of my favorite guests. People that came through on the clutch for me when the entire world was against me immediately after a specific event at Madison Square Garden that I did last year. I don't bring it up very often, but I'm bringing it up now because a lot of people canceled that night. A lot of people wanted to stay away. And these two comedy warriors are like, let's go. Throw me in. I'm down for you even when it's dark. I'm down to play with Tony Hinchcliff. And they are back here with huge projects selling out around the country. Two of my favorite comedians in the world. Two of the best guests in Kill Tony history, including the first regular ever on this show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for James McCann and Kim Congdon. Yes. Yes. Kim, have a seat there. James, come over here. Stay right here. James, come over here. Theree they are. Two of the best. James McCann is back. Many people sang a frontrunner for guest of the year 2025. Yeah, there's a lot of fellow autistic men out there looking after their own. Very proud. It's great to be back. They love James McCann. He's doing his first ever American tour. That's right, Tony. Get tickets. Why? We're doing Georgia. We're doing other places, too. 11 Days is one of the best comedians around here at the mothership and all around the world. Part of the Shane Gillis Philly somehow mafia. Even though you're from Australia, he found you. He takes you around doing arenas all around the world. Yes. He was so good to me at first. I thought at some point he's gonna try and fuck me. And he never did. That's true. He never did. He hasn't. He's a good. He's actually a good man. That's how I always felt about Rogan. I'm still waiting for it at some point. I've always been waiting. I'm like, one day, there's gotta be a reason here. I mean, I know I'm good. I know he sees me work hard, but at any point he's just gonna grab me by my waist and do whatever he wants with me. And it never happened. They're like, it can't be blowjobs forever. You son of. Kim. Bitch, get your mind out of Bronx. No, no. I did not invite you here to make jokes like that. Kim. Hello. Kim Congdon. The first ever regular in Kill Tony history, writing and performing a new minute every week. 12 fucking years ago, back when barely anyone was watching. And now you're a legend doing Brea and Oxnard. May 14, May 15, kimcon.com, the Kim Congdon takeover. So you guys know all about the show. You guys are veterans of the game. Over 200 human innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket. Tonight I'm gonna let this fuckin Little Red band fuckin stuntman pull the first name this little fat boy. Hell yeah. And like that, it has begun. While they go wrangle that comedian. When I pull their name, they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview and then we all talk to them together. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Great. Your first comedian doing an uninterrupted minute tonight is one of our favorite old time, good old fucking golden ticket winners. This guy a legend. Used to be a fucking fraudster on the streets. And now regularly doing spots with me on the road with the killers of Kil Tony with his own things with Cam Patterson always working. It is America's favorite Uncle. Make some noise. This is a new minute from David Jolly, everybody. Here we go. How y' all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico. Hell yeah. It's been 21 months since I had a drink. That's pretty fucking cool, right? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I had to do it cold turkey. Cause I tried to do it like with the AA meetings at first, but every time I went to a AA meeting I needed a fucking drink. Them people lives be miserable as hell, you know what I mean? Like, God damn, do it already, bitch. Nobody gonna miss your ass. It got to the point where I started going to the meetings and I just spiked the coffee, you know what I mean? Get you back to your regular self, you know? Then it got so bad, I started coming to the meetings drunk as hell, you know? I started coming to the meetings drunk, and they'd kick me out of the meetings. And I'm like, fuck, you can't keep me out of this AA meeting, man. I'm crying. It's a fucking cry for help right now, you know? You can't kick me out of this AA meeting. This isn't an AA meeting. It's a PTA meeting. All right? That ain't going as good as I thought it was gonna go, right? Hey. All right, that's my time. There you go. Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favorite lines in all of comedy that didn't go as well as I thought it was. Yeah, that'd be real, you know? I love it. David, that was a new minute. This is true, huh? You've been sober for 21 months. Yeah, well, it's like July 12th or something. I just had to figure a number out, and I can't count that well sometimes under pressure. So it's like 21, 22, some shit like that, you know? It was Juneteenth. It's been a boom now. I was drunk as fuck on Juneteenth. Yeah. Yeah. What is a big day of celebration for you? When do you tend to get be happy, you know? I mean, every day I wake up and be happy, man. Cause I'm alive, man, you know? Like, I got a good life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You do? You feel me? Like, I'm doing. I'm doing real well. But like, you used to be a real troublemaker. Does that side of you ever creep up? Do you ever, like, get the urge to, like, write a fake check or anything like that? Well, no. See, the way what I do now is a lot of people don't know about this, but sometimes at night, me and Joe Rogan go dress up like Batman and beat the shit out of homeless people. So. Wow. Yeah. He's a black man. Yeah, we just beat. You're Robin, but it's spelled R O, B I N apostrophe. Yeah, you know. You know how to spell it. That's it. That's fucking good. Hell yeah. You're the riddler with a hard R. With a Hard R. It's gotta be a hard R. You know it ain't right without a hard R. Absolutely. Just like a hard dick. Ain't that right, Tony? Whoa. I love both. We love both. What else is going on, David? Jolly shit, man. I was in Portland this weekend. I was pretty fucking cool. Portland. Portland, Portland. Oh, there you go. Y' all understand what I'm saying? That's a grocery store in his neighborhood. Yeah. No, man. Portland, Oregon. That place, pretty cool. You know what's cool about it? Shit, I was smoking weed, walking down the road and shit. Just the police walked by. That ain't even bother me. Wow. Well, you were the first black man they had ever seen in Portland. Right? You're right. You're right, you're right. No, they seen Cam first. That's whose shows it was. You know what I'm saying? I was number two, but it was cool. I seen a crackhead smoking, like, a crack pipe right in front of the courthouse. It was crazy. Cause, you know, everything legal out there. Was it a mirror? Was there a mirror in front of you? Hey, fuck you, Tony. Fuck you, motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. I love you, man. I know. I went to Portland once, and it was the gayest homeless people I'd ever seen. I don't want to that. It wasn't a whole lot of homeless people, though. It wasn't that many where I was at. Like, right there by the club. Fentol might have cleared that out. Yeah, Portland's an absolute crazy place. Terrible. Yeah, it wasn't that bad where I was at. I ain't really do no research, you know, I ain't really, like, driving around looking for crackheads or nothing. You know, Fun fact about Portland, my agent told me this. It's a fun fact. He thought that I would find it interesting. Last week, he told me that there's a theater there that. That books comedians that makes still to this day, mandatory that you're vaccinated for Covid if you want to get into this theater. So you could sit around a bunch of people that get sick five times a year, but at least you feel like you did something. I did that. The other thing they have, like, what are they? The sign language lady. And I did a set in Portland with a sign language lady doing my set, and halfway through the set, she just crossed her arms and refused to communicate. Yeah. What I was saying to the deaf people. It's very liberal there. It's very liberal. I feel like the police in Portland lock their doors when they see black people. What yeah. Hey, the show. She was there on Saturday. As soon as I got on the stage, I was like. She was just doing. She was doing all kind of shit with her. Wow. She was like. She just stopped at a point. She was calling the police and signing. Basically. Basically. That was going on gang signs. Incredible. Yeah. All right, David. Well, way to get the show started. You did it as a new 50 seconds from David Jolly. And it has begun. Here we go. All right. Let me just say we don't need to shake everybody's hand as we go off this. It's good that you did it with David, you know, David. But it was an opportunity to do our cool black handshake together. Let's see it now. I want to see it. Let's do it. Wow. Oh, shit. Wow. All right, David. There you go. There you go. There he goes, everybody. David. All right. Oh, my God. You know what that sound means. The lovely Heidi has arrived. Wow. Absolutely incredible old car horn indeed. All right, your first bucket pool, people. This is where it goes down. This is where stars are born and idiots are found. Anything can happen. This is kill. Tony. Your first bucket bowl of the night is Joseph Paul Alampi, everybody. Joseph Paul Alampi. Here we go. I would exterminate those bugs like I was in the party in the 1940s. For room and board, of course, that's a callback. Okay, give a. Let's give it a round of applause for Mary, everybody. Mary. Mary. Oh, hi there. Oh, my God. This is a different sort of ship. Holy. This guy. I'm Mary. Sometimes the aliens talk to me in my sleep or when I'm awake, etc. Etc. And I'm all out of fucking tinfoil. Wait, go back on the X. Where's the X? I don't know. Is the X in my head? Did I take any X? Stop taking X. Because I think it's like in the psychic sphere or something. My grandson. My grandson was also electrocuted. I was electrocuted. I'll break the fifth wall. I love you, Tony. Wow. Shockingly, unbelievably, incredibly, unbelievably, shockingly bad. I mean, just. Wow. Nothing. Kim Congdon. Dude, when he came out, I swear to God, I thought it was Roseanne. And she finally got dementia. He looks like the dude from that movie Split. It's Adam Gay. Okay, Red band. Maybe put that fucking mic down permanently. Lock it up. Lock it up. All right. Okay, okay. You know in Back to the Future where Michael J. Fox plays to his parents generation. Your kids are gonna love that. You're not ready for it yet, but that's 20 years time. I'm doing the most charitable read I can, friend. I am so intrigued by how bad that was. Joseph, Paula Lampe. How long have you. Over here, Joseph, look right at me. How long have you been doing standup comedy? About a year. Two years? About a year. Did you prepare anything? It seemed like that was very improvised. What do you have written down on your hand there? I love talking to you. Now this like real guy that's like I up some dude in a wig that just like bombed, man. I love it. It must be creepy crazy to bomb in a moomoo. I'm a cuckoo in a moomoo. Okay, so you still definitely had nothing prepared. I do. Like, I feel like if I put that dress on a wig on any other dude in this room, they'd be like so much funnier than you. Right? Did you? They didn't. Tony, he's, you know, it's like abstract art. A four year old could do that, but they didn't. He's out here taking chances. That is true. That's a very, it was not a good one. Very, very positive, very positive analysis of what just happened here. Yeah, but this is like one of those chances where you fuck a hooker with no condom and get a disease, you know? Okay, all right, so let's just. Joseph, stick with me. Over here. Over here, Joseph, you ready? So you've been doing it a year. Give me a joke that you prepared for tonight. Like something that you would do like that where you're like, all I have to do is say this like this and this will work. What was something that you had in your head on your hand? Written anything? What do you got there? Because you didn't do any of that on your hand, did you? Oh my God, you have so much shit. Cat. You have writing all over your hand and you did nothing. You said, wow, look, there's a band. Can I read one? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let Joseph fucking say. What do you think the best joke? Well, I just have stories or what does that mean? So, Cat piss girl, I didn't have sex. I still haven't sex right now. I haven't. So I didn't have sex for like two years and I moved to Tampa. Uh huh. And so I was, you know, I was talking to this girl outside for like a half hour and I believe she was intoxicated. Joseph. Yeah, keep going. Okay, sorry. You're so desperate for a laugh that like somebody Sneezing in the crowd throws you off like, oh, is that a laugh? You're like pausing for? There's nothing happening here. You have to hit something for it to be funny. So we went up to her room to uhhuh. She starts blowing me. Uhhuh. Except the smell of ammonia. Uhhuh. Made my dick go soft. Uhhuh. And that was it. That's this. That was your pile of your one year in the game. That's your number one. Go to no real. Wow, they hard. Oh my God. How old are you? 50? What is that? Is that not a wig? I thought that was a wig. Oh my God, it's Gary Busey. Oh my God. Wow. For all of you 7 year olds listening, that's a. It's a. He looks like Bruce Willis now. Wow, you're not really 50. You're not really 50, are you? Huh? I'm sorry, are you really 50? You're not 50. Drink lots of water, listen to your grandmother, eat your vegetables. You've got huge full lips. That's another one. Yeah, I was made fun of for having huge lips as a kid. Okay, what's that joke? You heard it? You said no. Is that it? You just have setups for your jokes? Do you know that you haven't finished? They used to call me blowjob boy. Okay, so whoever called you blowjob boy should be the one signing up for the show. You see that, cuz they're kind of funny. You're just repeating something that somebody called you once. Okay, what do you do for work? 50 year old? I got laid off. Okay, what did you used to do? I was a security guard. I was a personal trainer, a Tai chi instructor. I think Red Band would benefit from me if you want to. How? Because. Personal trainer? Yeah, what you're implying. No, I would love to train Red Band and I help them out. Okay, whatever. Jesus, Joseph. God. Do you have any crazy, crazy life? I was electrocuted. Uh huh. I believe that. I definitely believe right off. There you go. All right. Robocop. He does look like power. Can we get a couple more references from the 80s, please? Red band, can we get perhaps another Gary Bucy or Robocop reference? What do you got, you guys? There you go. All right, there it is. There we go. It's got a lot of energy tonight. Is there any redeeming quality about you whatsoever? You did nothing funny. I like that, it's of kind, kind of character. But you did nothing. You got electrocuted once and people made fun of you. What Else. Well, you don't want to hear how I got electrocuted. If it's interesting. My guess is it was a accident. So I used. So I used to play outside of a deli and they. They didn't ground the ice box, the ice machine. So I put my hand on the one pole and the other pole and that's it. Then I did it again. That's the story of you getting electrocuted. This is the hardest. Yeah, go ahead. Fucking fuck me. No, it's fuck my ass, Tony. No, no, no, no, no. Stick with. Fuck me in the ass. Stick with me. Just. That's better. That's better. That's a character. What about your big fucking blowjob lips? Did they ever make fun of your big blowjob lips? You have beautiful emerald on there. That's the. See, you said it there at the end. I have beautiful lips. That's. No, I said emerald eyes. I was gonna do it as Mary, but you know what? Shut the fuck up. Joseph Paul Alampi. There's something in there, man. I see it, right? You can kind of see it when he gets mad. You can kind of see there might be a comedian inside of you. Read another. Read another joke off your fucking hand. Well, I went to an alt. You've been doing this a year. Hurry the fuck up. Also keep getting angry at Tony. That was great. If a tree falls in the woods, doesn't make a sound if nobody's there, if I say the N word in the woods, do ninjas start to fall out of the sky? Because, you know, whatever the fuck I was, nothing makes any sense with you. I gotta get you out of here, Joseph. Jesus Christ. You know what? I don't think you get a little joke, Buck. Joseph Paula Lampy. Maybe next time sign up again. Joseph James, seriously, do not fist bump everybody that comes out here. It's so annoying. Stop. It's fucking retarded. What, are you making friends? Are you networking here tonight? It's a lonely city. It's. It's not. Another three word name coming at you. Ladies and gentlemen, another bucket pull. Clearly, anything can happen. Clearly, this show is not produced at all. Hi there. This podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. May is mental health awareness month. And Talk Space, the leading provider of online therapy, helps you face whatever is holding you back. With a caring licensed therapist with Talk space, you're not alone. One in five adults in the US Experience a mental health condition each year. But less than half of people who need treatment receive it. It's the Talkspace mission to help close that gap by making high quality therapy and psychiatry more convenient, fast and affordable. It's easy to get started. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours. Talkspace makes getting help convenient. You can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home and exchange text, voice or video messages with your therapist too. Talk Space makes it easy, accessible and affordable to face your challenges, whether it's a mental health condition, relationship, conflicts, past trauma or everyday stre and find your path to move forward with resilience and peace. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Now let my man Ray Ban tell you more about why we love Talk Space. I love Talk Space. I think therapy is amazing and can lead to some real moments of transformation. Talking out my feelings to a licensed therapist has helped me tremendously. Yes it has. Take care of yourself this month and every month with Talk Space. Talk Space is in network with most major insurance plans, but if you pay out of pocket as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com Tony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S P A C 80 to match with a licensed therapist today go to talkspace.com Tony & enter promo code SPACE80. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. You know the origins of this podcast were once just a dream. That dream turned into the podcast and business you are listening to today. Starting your own business is a dream a lot of us share, but too many of us let it remain just a dream. Don't hold yourself back thinking what if I don't have the skills? What if I can't do it alone? Turn those what ifs and the why nots with Shopify by your side. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. What if I can't design a website? Shopify's got you from the get go with beautiful ready to go templates to match your brand style. What if I need a hand? Get help every day with tasks like enhancing product images, writing product descriptions, or generating discount codes with Shopify's AI tools created for commerce Redban. What if people haven't heard about my brand? Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns. And what if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with our award winning 24. 7 customer support turn those dreams into and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com kill Tony go to shopify.com kill Tony shopify.com kill Tony. Make some noise for Isaac Kane Brown. Isaac Kane Brown. Uh, I've been dais dating a girl recently with a pretty big red flag. I think it's Chinese or something. I'm not too sure. Uh, I've been thinking I should be in the ufc. The way I've been fighting these gay thoughts. I think it's gonna come down to a decision. I think the black guy's gonna win. I don't. Have you guys ever noticed that veterans and trans people are a lot alike? Like, you don't have to ask them. They'll tell you about it. They have a hard time finding employment, and sometimes they kill themselves, which is honestly just a burden off our shoulders. Wow. Isaac Cain Brown. Completely saging the room of Joseph Paul A lamp. Two comedians, six names in total. Isaac Kane Brown. Totally different guy. No. No wigs, no dresses, jokes. It's incredible what jokes do on this show. Yes, sir. How long you been doing standup, Isaac Kane Brown? A little over two years. Two years? Where at? Started in Illinois. Peoria. Okay. A lot of greats from Peoria. Richard Pryor, Sam Kenison. Yes, sir. And Isaac Kane Brown. What do you do for work? I sell Yu Gi OH cards. James McCann has entered the chat. That's some kind of, like, what. Can you anybody? It's. Yeah, it's a trading card game from Japan. But do you have to be in that store? No, I just. I kind of, like, buy them and then sell them on ebay. You're a shock. Yeah. Yeah, I overcharged the shit out of them. It works out great. Wow. There's a demand for that. For Japanese playing cards? Yeah, kind of. Okay. All right. What do you do for fun? Honestly, I get really high and then walk through the park and get scared. That's kind of. That's good. Least you're walking and being real. That makes sense. Yeah. Scary. There's a lot of people. It is scary. What's. What scares you? Just. Just the idea of being seen and. Oh, no. Just, like, basic human interaction terrifies the out of me. Do people say hi to you when you're at the park? Yeah, I just walk fast when they. Hell, yeah. How old are you? I'm 28. 28, absolutely. Selling Japanese cards, doing comedy, and being scared in the park. I love it. What's your love life? Like, are you really dating a girl that has red flags? I am. I have recently started dating a girl that's been fun. She's very sweet. How long. How long have you been in this relationship? Four months. Four months. What does she do? She's a dog groomer. A dog groomer? Yeah. Wow. Okay. The eye contact's freaking me the fuck out. I can't. Oh, he's acknowledging my eyes tonight. My emerald eyes as Joseph Paula Lamp, he called them. Whatever the that means. They're so blue. They are so blue. They are blue. Oh. Shockingly, strikingly blue. Yeah. Dude, he is shaking like he just shot a buck. You think my eyes are scary now? Wait till you see. See me walking in the park at this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna find out what park you go to. No. And I'm just gonna walk around waiting for you. Oh, I hate every second of this. Ah, this show's so crazy. What a difference one bucket pool makes for the next, huh? This guy's just being honest. He's scared. I don't know what to do with my hands. Dude. Nobody really does. If you figure it out, you let me know. It's. Yeah, yeah. It is an interesting thing. You can grab the stand. You can put them behind your back. You can. That's good. Yeah, put them behind your back. Oh, that's powerful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? All right, cool. No one's rocking that one. I've been thinking about doing that. Wait, what? I'm thinking about doing all my. My jokes like this. Hey, everybody. I'm from Australia. Oh, Teacup over there. That would be crazy. This one, if you're a gay or a woman, that's an option. Okay. Yeah, I'm neither of those, but, yeah, keep going. All right. You could also hold the microphone. Oh, the two hands. Yeah, that's. Take it out of the microphone. We know red band. We know that they can hold the microphone. Red band, I love it. So, Isaac Kane Brown, let me ask you. There's got to be something. When you go to the park, you just walk with your shoes on and just fucking. You just, like, stay on, like, a path. Do you cut through? Do you go on grass? You take a horse sometimes. You have a little horse, little miniature pony. I try to start on the trail, but then people keep walking by, and I'm like, ah, fuck, they're looking at me. So I just. I walk straight through the middle of the park as fast as I can to my Uber Wow. Absolutely incredible. That is amazing to me. How about at nighttime? What do you do for fun at nighttime? Eat gogurt. Honestly, I just try not to masturbate. I love masturbating. Absolutely incredible. I want to give that one a fizz bump. I want to celebrate that. I want to. You love it. Oh, boy. If you get out there on the road as a stand up comedian alone in those hotels, good luck, friend. What do you like to masturbate to? Isaac Kane Brown? You're the kind of guy that looks like you like jerking off to, like, memories. I really just like the videos where the women are giving, like, words of encouragement. Stop, stop. He's gonna come. You're gonna. Wow, there's a lot of white people here. That's. Is there one black guy here? I can't. Of course there's a black guy. Look, there's one right there. Oh, do you guys, like, count them? They're in the dark. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. They're so close. Yes, yes. So what kind of words of encouragement do these ladies say that you're into? Like, what's one that you've heard? I've never even seen. Seen this before. I get. Good boy. That's. That's pretty. Wow. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I don't like this anymore. Wow. That is hard because you. You. They're telling you you're a good boy, but you're doing a pretty dark and shameful thing. Yeah. And then you feel really good. Then you feel really bad. It's a. You're trapped. Yeah. Yeah. It's very Catholic. Yeah. James McCann, our senior Catholic chorus is speaking my language. I understand. Well, Isaac Kane Brown, good news for you. We're going to send you upstairs to go get seen by the talent booker of the comedy mothership at Amigot right now. And you get a big joke. Oh, Jesus Christ. That has to be your worst nightmare. I'd love to have you on the secret show, too. And you get to do the secret show on Thursday. Yeah. You go that way. What other way would there be? It's like this way. This way towards where I came from. All right, so there you go. That's the two extremes of what can happen here on Kill Tony. It's basically, the show's over. We just have to kill time for another hour and a half. But between those two guys, that's what the show is. Some of it's fucking absolute hot diggity dog shit. And we talk to those people and some of them are just naturally funny. We'll See what happens next. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Chado, everybody. Chatto. Thanks, guys. I really needed that. It's been a rough week. My son, he came out to me as trans this week. He said, dad, I think I'd be happy if I was a woman. I said, son, I've never met a happy woman. I almost recently died also. The last couple weeks, I woke up in the hospital. My wife was next to me crying. I thought, well, this is the woman who's been there for me. I finally got somebody, you know, I can be there for and trust. And she's like, chad, please don't die. I can't get Hulu on the tv. Yeah, I have these. We have a lot of animals, but I have this one little girl dog who keeps on getting out of the fence every time I put her in the backyard. And every time she does, she gets pregnant. Yeah. So I've been putting a little plan B in her dog food. I used to wake up and step in dog and be like, really mad. Now wake up in the middle of night, step in something like, God, I hope that's dog. That's a public Persona joke, Chado. There you go. Welcome, Shadow. You've been on this show before? Yeah, it's been. Been a while, but yeah, I feel like there's a huge improvement since last time you were on the show. Am I correct? Do you feel that? Yeah, yeah, huge. Have you been working hard? Oh, yeah, you know, at least five nights a week, you know? Yeah, five nights a week. And when's the last time you were on the show was September 11th. 23. Wow. That's if I remember. You were so bad. It's one of the worst things ever happen on September 11th. This is proof. I remember. I remember looking at your face and body and being like, this guy's bad. So it's just. It's just goes to show, who knows, a few years from now, Joseph Paula Lampe could come back up here and crush. Then I'll be like, didn't you once suck up here? Wow. Well, I appreciate you saying I crush. That's cool, man. Thank you. Okay. All right, Chado, how old are you? 40. I'll be 44 this year. And how long have you been on stand up? Three years now. Right. And what do you do for work? I own a cannabis college. A cannabis college? Yeah. Explain to us what that is. I teach people how to work in the cannabis industry. Like, you know, good budtenders, if they. What they should know to recommend for certain Elements. Etc. You look like you would be good at that job. Thank you. Thank you, Professor. A professor of cannabis college. I'm a pot fessor. Okay. I bet that kills at the cannabis college. It does all the student. Some higher education. Am I right? Everybody, come on now. Come on, everybody. Come on now. Everybody. I love it. How do you start a cannabis college? Can anybody do that? Yeah, there's no record. Yeah, a website. Just a lot of marketing. Yeah. Yeah. A good, clear website. An easy to spell, easy to know website. Nothing like the way to get tickets for James McCann's USA tour in which you would have to go to JDF McCann with two n's dot com. That's his website. That he was able as well. We're working on it. MCC A, N, N. But it's JDF, not James McCann. Not James McCann. Comedy JDF. So you could just guess 10,000 times. Once again, that's JDF McCann. M double C a N dot com. And then you have to click a couple things to get to the tickets. Yeah. But once you get there, it's great. Yes. Chado, what do you do for fun? I just published a novel, a little psychological thriller. Okay, what's it about? It's about a female serial killer. She's got ocd, but she gets her relief through her victims, you know? Okay, so how does it end? She walks away. She just walks away. Don't they all? That's the. The happy ending to your novel is that the serial killer finds inner peace and doesn't have. It's told. It's told from her point of view. So you see her whole life go through it and you kind of want her to walk away from this point. Yeah. Because she's killing innocent people. Yeah. Yeah. Is she killing innocent people or is there a specific type that she's killed who doesn't deserve to fucking die at this point? Right. Well, all right. I absolutely agree. He looks a lot like my dad. I really just have to say that. Really weird. Yeah. I've been told I have dad dick. Yeah. No. Wow. That's not what I was saying. Wow, look at this facially. Looks like your dad. Yeah, kind of. You also look like Adult Rock, but Adult Rock, as in the wrestler Kid Rock if he ate. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah. But he does look like my dad. It's weird. Well, do you play music or anything? No. I like that you just look like that. You've just always looked like that. Yeah. And you don't. Can't play a single goddamn instrument. I was prophesied I was gonna be a musician growing up in church, you know, churches. And so I tried every thing. I am not musically talented at all. God was wrong on that one. Yeah. Okay. And you have a girlfriend, Chad? I've been married 25 years. You're married 25 years. What does she do for a living now? She. She takes calls on for ups or U haul. U haul, Sorry. Okay. Same thing. Yeah. How do you keep things interesting in the bedroom? 25 years. How often are you guys having sex? Once a month? Once a week? Once a week. Couple times a week still. Okay. How does that go? Is it normally at night? In the morning. Usually the morning. I'm kind of wore out and I'm usually doing mics and she's, you know. I get it. She's asleep. So what's your move? You just. When she's asleep, I close the door and lock it. And that's it. She can't get out. Great. Ladies and gentlemen, we just had a rape confession here because you got. You got kids who are gonna be standing. But they're adult kids, but they still live at home, so it's kind of adults. Are they in their 20s? Yeah. And how many still live at home? Well, my daughter just moved in with her grandma, but my son still lives in. In his room. How old's your son? He's 23. What's he doing with his life? Nothing. What do you mean? You should. Your wife. Louder. Yeah, that's what. That's what it takes. Instead of locking the door, you should leave it open. Yeah, that should get him. Jesus Christ. That should get him out of there. I agree. Either that or he's gonna come and start jerking off right inside the room watching mom and dad go at it. He's got pretty good bits I'm gonna use. That sounds like a real do nothing. Does he have a job? He just. He got recently fired from Pinballs. But how did he get fired from Pinballs? What do you have to do? He was going to the bathroom too much is what he's doing. He was hiding out in the bathroom, right? Yeah. Okay, so what's he gonna do now? In his defense, he has to jerk off every time he hears a click. I've been taking him to a lot of interviews. He's kind of visually impaired, so I have to drive him around. Visually impaired? Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong with his eyesight? He's got. He's got a few things. He's got the shaky eye thing, and he's got the degenerative Thing where he can't. It's. It's losing his eyesight. He draws really good comics right now. Know. Have you thought about teaching him how to play bass guitar? Yeah, yeah. But my talent has passed on. Yeah. Right. Okay. And the daughter lives with your grandma now? Yeah. She couldn't put up with our. Because we were too strict, so she moved in with grandma. So she's living with grandma? Yeah. Getting banged out by black dudes at grandma's house. Yeah. Is that pretty much what's going on, you think? No, she had a bad relationship here and that's why she moved there. Get away from that. Where does grandma live? Grandma lives in Oklahoma. Wow. So she's kind of out there in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, yeah. She's. Yeah. And grandma's worse than Oklahoma. Yeah. Yeah. I need to look after my daughter. I'm going to send her to the teen pregnancy capital of the world. I actually love Oklahoma. That's where we're from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tulsa, man. Oklahoma City, Edmond. That's where I grew up also. It's. I'm done with. That's all I know now about Oklahoma. Tulsa. Yeah. Yeah. There's a. That's a place called Tulsa in Oklahoma. Oh my God. When you don't know you. Are you Indian? No, just the hair. Okay. You don't have to like, if you don't know. Very good at your. Yes, I know. Yeah. You don't have to just make noise. I mean, red band gets away with it every week, but you don't have to just. If you don't. If you don't have like a thing, you don't have to do anything. Last time you were on, you got a little joke book. I did. Well, guess what, Chad, this time you're leaving with a big joke. Thank you, guys. Yeah. Yeah. There he goes. Chado, everyone. We're having fun. Look at this, the episode. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Via. Look, life moves fast and sometimes you just need a way to relax, recharge or stay focused without making things more complicated than they already are. You ever try meditating but then get stressed about how bad you are at meditating? Same. 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Sometimes I fantasize about orgies so they don't let me near schools Anymore. I think I'm pretty good at flirting, but it's hard to tell between all their muffled screams. You know, I don't like to waste leftovers, so I always eat the fetus afterwards. Why do people fantasize about having a zombie apocalypse? You could eat people right now. Like, you don't have to wait, man. All right. I think that's probably about my time. Just a bunch of creepy bullshit. I know. I'm sorry. It's really frightening. Kim Congdon. I've never seen a comedian do none liners. Yeah. Is almost impressive. It's a lot of good topics, a lot of good premises and just a bunch of, you know, it's a short amount of time, so I was really trying to squeeze what I could in there. Yeah, you did. Yeah. It's not much. I give is the same amount of time that everybody's always gotten on this show. Okay. How long you been doing stand up? About two years now. Where at? All around town. Roscoe's Kickbutt. So Austin is the answer. What do you do for work Right now? I'm a karaoke DJ on the weekends. Oh, a karaoke dj. Tell us about that. What is that like? Oh, it's awful, man. They're always trying to skip the line. Bullshit around. Yeah. Do they offer you money? Do you? Every week, yeah. They try to bribe their way on stage. Like the worst excuse I've had was I'm dying of cancer. Wow. Did you let them cut the line? No, of course. Remember what song they wanted to do? No. I mean, it was a while ago. Okay, well, very incredible stuff. Karaoke dj. Nothing else about it. I mean, I'm doing doordash on the weekends or I'm doing doordash in between doing DJ stuff. But really say you're doing doordash, does that mean you're ordering it clearly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as much as I can, you know. What do you like to eat? You are shaped a specific way. I mean, I love a good burger, you know, it's always nice. You are shaped like a bee. Yeah, they used to call me a bear in college because I'm so damn hairy. Yeah, okay. All right. Not in a good gay way. Just, you know, insulting. I was gonna say. I don't think that's what that means. What do you do for fun, Zach? For fun? I'm big into video games. Yeah, I'm addicted to them. I love it. Yeah. What video games? I'm playing a new one, Claire Obscure, that came out this week. It's Amazing. What's that like? What do you do on that game? It's a rpg. It's turn based. It's a big budget story. It's really nice. I like it a lot. So interesting. What's your love life like? My love life? Me and my girl bought a house about four months ago. Okay, nice. Headed towards marriage eventually. We'll see. I love it. How can you afford a house? Who the hell knows? I worked hard before that, but now I'm trying to get into comedy, so, you know. What did you do before that? I used to repair restaurants. Okay. Yeah. Work with power tools. All right, nice. And you saved money doing that? Yeah, a good bit. Yeah. And now you have a house? Yeah, it was one bedroom, two bedroom. It's a three bedroom. Yeah. Three bedroom. Wow. Incredible. Absolutely amazing. What are you doing with all those bedrooms? I mean, got my computer in one, got the dogs in the other, and then we stay in the last one, you know, computer in one, dogs in the other. How many dogs do you have? We have two. Yeah. Okay. All right. And what do they do in that room? Mostly on the floor. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Bunch of disgusting today so far. Pulled out of the bucket. This is incredible. Just people. Girls whose places smell like cat piss. There's guys with floors filled with shit. Well, he's not walking them. No, I mean, that's. That's fair. Yeah. My goodness. So, Zach, what's your house payment like? Oh, it's. It's pretty bad. It's like 2000. That's before bills and everything on top of that. 2000 before bills. How much money do you have? Not enough, I'll tell you that much. It's getting scary quick. Give us a ballpark. Maybe like 10k in the bank. I don't know. 10k in the bank? We're going at 2k a month. How much money is the wife making? Honestly, I'm not sure. I've never asked her that direct question. She's definitely the breadwinner right now. Well, you look like the bread eater. Yeah. My goodness. And what does she do again? She works for a nursing certification board, so she certifies. Nursing. That's like a real job? Yeah, apparently. And she's fully supportive of you chasing your dreams? She loves it. Yeah, she's super excited for it. She come to your shows sometimes when working afford? Obviously our schedules don't really align, but. Yeah. And how long have you been with her? Like, three, four years now. Okay. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? They're probably not. Honestly how often are you guys having sex? I don't know. Maybe like three times a week. Maybe three times. That's pretty good for a guy built like you. What does she do that turns you on? You haven't you into something. She likes to. She likes to insult me a lot and beat me down. Oh, hell yeah. Looks like I could you very easily. All right. Well, what is it? Zach Hollis? Yeah. Congratulations, buddy. There's a little joke book. Next time I would say take your time and pick your. Pick your favorite jokes and commit to them instead of rushing through it. There goes Zach Hollis, everybody. Starting a little fire during the show here. A little tiny fire. Little tiny fire on Kiltoni. All right, let's get another bucket. Pull up here. This looks like an interesting name. You guys having fun out there? Lets meet another one. This one goes by the name of Tommy Tickles, everybody. Tommy Tickles. Hey, we know Tommy. It's the return of Tommy Tickles, everybody. They say that opposites attract. If opposites really did attract, then my wife really wouldn't have a penis. I'm always broke, looking for new ways to make money. Last week I took an ad out in the back of a men's magazine offering $50 blowjobs. Now I just gotta get my wife on board. I've written several books. Nine different Ways to Skin a Cat. You gotta skin it if you're gonna eat it. I've been married 13 years. The next book I wrote I dedicated to my wife, 101 ways to kill youl Wife. That book was quickly followed by A Sequel, 101 Things to Do in Prison. Okay, Tommy Tickles. Look at you. You're back. I remember you. Yes, sir. I came back. I was here right at Christmas time. I remember you. How could I forget you? You're like a little. You're like a. Like a mouse. Well, you're adoring a rancher. And where is that again? Other side of Fredericksburg, about two and a half hours away. Okay. You have your own little property out there. That's right. Hell yeah. Look at him. He's such a. If anybody needs to bury your body, my Instagram account is Tommy Tickles2025. Okay. Tommy Tickles2025. This guy's trying to make money disposing of bodies. Live here on Kiltoni. I'm trying to start a pet cemetery. Okay. Wow. Everybody tonight is frightening out of the bucket. I don't know if anybody's got keeping track of that. I'm pretty sure that everyone pulled out of the Bucket tonight has made a joke about eating either humans or an animal. Dude on the end again. Yeah, it's scary. It's okay. Tommy will just bury you on his property for $50. That's all. What, what is there to be scared of if you. If you have a pet that you need to bury a pet? I'm less scared of the murder and more scared of the tickles, to be honest. Tommy Tickles. If your pet's not dead yet, I'll knock 50 bucks off if you let me kill it. Wow. Oh, my God, Tommy. You're a wild boy, Tommy Tickles. How old are you? I'm 50. 50 years old. 50. Take note that Tommy is the same age as the first comedian. You never stop dreaming. Oh, and you, your red band's also 50. Tommy tickles. Absolutely incredible. I'm looking better. Yeah, you look. You're. You're looking good, Tommy Tickles. You're in good shape. Last time you let me roast you. I did. Yeah. You ready? Okay. Yes, go ahead. Tommy Tickles. I'm ready for more Tommy tickles. Ranker.com recently. Hold on. Wait, wait. What is that? You're about to find? Oh, okay. Go ahead. Tommy ranker.com just listed ranked its top comedians of all time. Ron White was ranked at number 14. Joe Rogan came in at number 89. Tony Hinchcliffe comes in his pants every time he sees Ron White and Joe Rogan. That's a very good one, Tommy Tickles. That's very good. That's every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I come in my pants when I see two of my good friends. Ron White and Joe Rogan. Yeah, give me another one. Tommy, roast me, buddy. You're Snow White's eighth dwarf. Okay, I'm five nine, but all right, Tommy. I guess I'm a dwarf even though I'm taller than you, you old Jesus Christ piece of. Yeah, very good looking guy, you. Some might say you're easy on the eyes. Yeah, emerald eyes in the word. Because there's no eyes in the word. Okay, very good. That's two. We literally, by the way, it's funny. We have a new job we had to make today. We have people now. A fun fact about the backbone behind the scenes of kill. Tony. We don't really reveal stuff often, but we have two. We had to hire two people to keep track of every time we say the word on the show because if we accidentally miss it and it goes on YouTube, it gets completely demonetized. Therefore wasting an unbelievable amount of money. Who are these working at? YouTube. That's right. It turns out it's a computer. Now they have a computer. And it takes us, two humans, to compete with their computer because somehow they will find a. In an episode, there's nothing you could do to hide. All right. You also have a very nasal voice. Like, when you get stuck in traffic. They call it nasal congestion. Okay, there you go. Tommy, I swear to God, you make fun of me one more time, I'm going to the shit out of you. Okay, here we go. Tommy, you live out in the country. Country. What's it. What's some crazy that goes on out there? Like, you ever have someone, like, run out of fuel and come up and like. Or anything, like, knock on your door? You have guns? Oh, yeah, Yeah. I love country people. I love it. How many guns do you have, Tommy? I don't count. A lot of them were inherited, you know, like, passed down. So we just have, you know, guns for just doing what guns are supposed to be used for, you know? Yeah. What do you use the guns for? If you need your pet killed, you go to Tommy Tickles, 20, 25. Are you out there killing pets? When's the last time you killed a pet? No, I don't kill pets. Do you have any pets? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of pets do you. I've got a boxer dog. Great White Pyrenees. We've got llamas. Three black guys. What do you do with the llamas? What do they do? They protect the sheep and goats from coyotes. Wow. So if a coyote comes. A llama. What does the llama do? They'll chase them off. Like they chase off. Coyotes are scared of llamas? Yeah. Yeah. Can't a coyote kind of up a llama? No. Yeah, I guess so. If they size intimidates them. Huh. If they ganged up on him, he could. But normally the best thing about a llama is the scent that they. They put off. So it kind of smells like a horse or a mule, and coyotes don't like that either. So just having them around protects the babies from even other critters like raccoons and fox. Wow. I. I could just hear talk about this. We just had a baby. Baby llama. Wow. It's incredible. Tell us more what it's like out there on the ranch of Tommy Tickles. What else could. What else could one expect? If we. If we were. If we drove up on your property, what would be some things that we saw or would recognize out there? It looks like a circus. There's just a mass of chickens and we bottle maybe a lot of animals that come in from other ranches. And, you know, they say if they have a problem, they can bring it to us. And, you know, we've got a few tricks to where we can, you know, keep the babies alive. And so there's right now, my wife's bottle, baby bottle, feeding 19 different little baby goats and sheep. 19 baby goats and sheep. Oh, my God, it's a full. Chick is dripping lots of bottles. This is absolutely incredible. And now they think that they are your best friend and they kind of think that they're human. And my wife is about the same way. She treats them way better than she treats me. Look at. She's fucking them. Look at the smile on your face. Always comes up. It's incredible. All these other people that we've pulled out of the bucket tonight up here trying to keep it together. They seem so stressed out. And then Tommy Tickles drives out from the countryside, having the time of his life. Happy to be here. Yeah. What kind of. What kind of. What kind of. You got like an old timey pickup truck, don't you? No. All right, well, what is this? Chevy Silverado 2500. Oh, wow. Okay, so. Yeah, because you use it for. Yeah, yeah. Stacks in it and whatnot. Hay and heavy equipment. I know a lot about. I know a lot about ranching. Yeah. Sometimes you got to throw a haystack in the old pickup truck. You know, Red van knows a lot about blue cheese. And that's true. That's a salad dressing joke. Ranch and blue cheese. You shouldn't really record all this stuff that's going on at your ranch, though. Like, that's so popular on tick tock and YouTube. Have you ever thought about a lot of money? I do my stand up set in front of one of the animals. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. No, I'm. Hold on. You're doing stand up to the goats. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're doing kid friendly stand up on the TikTok. My goat. My goat ate my homework. Really Ate half my notes one day. Really good jokes. What's that goat's name? Clown face. Clown face. Oh, my God. This guy's adorable. I would watch your reality show. Oh, yeah, no, it's a circus. It's worth watching if I ever get around to it. Sure. Wow. This is absolutely incredible. What were you about to say just then? You and Red band remind me of IHOP's signature dish, Rooty Tooty Fresh and fruity. Okay, you know what? Here I am being nice. I'm being a Nice guy saying, I'm more interested in your life. I'd watch a reality show and then here you are insulting me. I have watched your roasts on YouTube and there's nothing that I could say that would come close to how good, you know, you do your roast. But you're also kind of evil. So I don't really feel bad about it. Reputation of mine that people think I help more people than any. I treat these bucket pools like you treat farm animals. I give them all a chance. Sometimes I fucking psychologically bottle fucking feed them. Tommy, I've been asking people this question. How long have you been with your wife? 13 years. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? Oh, she keeps things exciting. Okay, give us. Yeah, give us a little bit of that. What do you mean by that exactly? Sometimes I don't know if she's going to cut me or fuck me. I think she's the girl from his novel. She's exciting. So can you give us an example of a time in which you didn't know whether you were gonna get cut or fucked? Like, what do you mean by that exactly? She storms in or something or what happens? Exactly. She said something one day and we were sitting in the truck and I said, oh, you wanna drive? And I threw the keys in her direction and. And it accidentally hit her. And she got out of the truck and she started running away. And I was like, oh, shit, I better catch her. So I was going to catch her, but she kept on running further and further away. And it's real soft dirt out there or whatever, so I had to tackle her. She keyed my truck and then it was all. So it was better after that, you know? Domestic abuse at the tickle farm. Yeah. I thought it was going to end in you guys. I didn't realize it was going to be a. Yeah. Then things got exciting. You guys had makeup sex right after that. Very passionate, this woman. Wow. Was it in the truck or did you guys. Back when you got back home at the circus. Yeah, right. Absolutely. Wow. Hell, yeah. Well, Tommy Tickles, the last time you were on, did you get a big joke book? Yes, I did. Would you sign it? Okay. Yeah, I'll sign it. I'll sign it. Okay. Yeah, I'll sign if you want me to do it now. Yeah. Adorable. There you go. Tommy Tickles. That's for you, buddy. Congratulations. There you go. Tommy Tickles, everybody. I bet he's an interesting, interesting follow. I want to see what's going on on that ranch. I want to see with my own eyes. This podcast is sponsored by Bilt. Attention Renters. If you haven't heard of Built, you're about to thank me. Earn your favorite airline, miles and hotel points through Built just by paying your rent on time. Let me explain. There's no cost to join, and just by paying rent, you unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and more. When you pay rent through Built, you unlock two powerful benefits. First, you earn one of the industry's most valuable points on rent every month. No matter where you live or who your landlord is, your rent now works for you. Second, you gain access to exclusive neighborhood benefits in your city. Built in neighborhood benefits are things like extra points on dining out, complimentary post workout shakes, free mats or towels at your favorite fitness studio, and unique experiences that only Built members can access. Everybody Tony I love Built. I can't believe you get so many benefits just from paying your rent. And when you're ready to travel, Built points can be converted to your favorite miles and hotel points around the world, meaning your rent can literally take you places. So if you're not earning points on rent, my question is, what are you waiting for? Start paying rent through Built and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to join built.com Tony that's J-O-I N B I L-T.com Tony make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. That's J-O-I-N-B I L T join built.com Tony to sign up for Built today. All right, let's talk about how Amazon prime makes everything better. You know the moment you're binge watching different things and you realize that prime has more to offer than expected. Amazon prime isn't just fast delivery though. Let's be honest, getting snacks or a last minute prop delivered the same day is a lifesaver. It's also Amazon Music does vibe to and all the things that make life more interesting. Red Band Whether streaming a stand up special, building the perfect playlist for the next show, or getting new gear delivered fast, prime helps make it all happen and maybe even delivers a few laughs along the way. So whether comedy, drama or just the perfect new joke book is the vibe, remember, prime is there for it. I do it all on Prime Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. Amazon.comprime okay, we're going to break things up here for a second as I introduce one of the newest golden ticket winners on this show. I'm getting this guy on back to back weeks because he has to go back to Toronto and be a, a very Asian man in Toronto soon. And he's going to be there for months. So here he is before he leaves Austin, Texas with a brand new minute. This is Kansai Yasuda. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, guys. I used to date with this girl, beautiful girl. And after we dated for one month, she dumped me. And I was devastated. I was sad because she didn't tell me a reason why. So I went off to Facebook and see what was going on in her life. Turns out she used to date with this huge black masculine man. And after dumping me, she's back with this huge same black masculine man again. And do you guys eat sushi? Yeah. You guys eat. Do you guys know there's the reason why there's a little ginger right next to sushi? Yeah, it's a palate cleanser. Yeah. So this bitch used me for palate cleanser because she didn't want to eat big black tuna twice in a low, you know, she, she have to eat pickled ginger penis in between. Thank you. Kansai Yasuda. Hello. Hi. Wow. Hi, Tony. Hello, Kansai. Hello. One of my favorite interviewees in the history of the show. You're so stoic. You're so Asian. Thank you. You're welcome. You've been in Austin for a couple weeks now. How's it been going for you? It's amazing. I got. I'm living with the black roommate right now. You're living with a black roommate? Yeah. Okay. What is that like for you? Well, he's wearing his clothes. You look like George Takis. What? George talkies. George talkies. What do you think that means, Kansai? George talkies. If you get it right, I'll give you a million dollars. Please. George talkies. Kim, you idiot. I just offered him a million dollars. Silly. Just out here like explaining with many words. Bruhman. That is correct. Br Man. Br Man. There you go. You just won a million dollars. Yes. Okay, so what's it like having a black roommate? It's a, it's, it's very new culture to me. Yeah. Explain exactly what you mean. What is different about the black culture than what you're used to? In both Canada and Japan, it's. He. Every day he chase. You want to chase hoes. That's what chases. What Chases. Chase hoes. That's. That's Hoes. Hoes, Hoes. Oh, hoes. Ho. Chases. Hoes. Chases hoe every day and. Huh. And I'm like tired because you're tired because he's bringing them home and they're making noise, making so much noise. And you can't, you can't sleep at night, there's so much noise. I go out, I just go outside and then go to live bloody or like, you know, just go to coffee shop and then write. Right, right. See, a Japanese man knows he doesn't have to chase the hoes. You know, you stand next to them on public transport and you grab. That's the you I know. It's a beautiful part of your culture. A big fan. Yeah, we tapped it ass, you know, in a train. So you had a black roommate, but now you're about to head back to Canada this week, am I correct? Yes. So what is he gonna do now that his roommate is leaving? Well, he's gonna chase some holes again, right? Yeah, but how's he gonna. Aren't you helping pay rent? Oh, no, no. He was. He's just letting me stay, so. Yeah. Really? Yeah. All right. Wow. This is Trump's America, everybody. To where young black men can support having an immigrant on their couch. Who would have thought the economy would be so good so fast? Me, I did. I thought that's a no. All right, Kansai Yasuda, give us something else. What have you been doing for fun here in Austin? We know that you're working hard. We know that you do a lot of spots. You're a draw. People are booking you on their shows, especially since you have this new kill Tony fame. The bump. The bump, the bump. Hans Kim. Yes. Took me to his tour. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Wow, look at that. Yeah. Huh. We went to. I went to his house. Oh, yeah. And two fat cat. He had. He had what? Two fat cat. Two fat cats. Yeah. Huh. One's really gay. Very good. Okay. Yeah. And then. Huh. So what did you guys do with the two fat cat? Just tried to not eat them the entire time. It was. It was difficult, but yeah, that was two fat cat. And then we play Mario Brothers. Ah, God, that is so Asian. Just two Asian guys playing Mario, playing a Nintendo. Oh, you like a Nintendo too? Yeah, I like a Nintendo. Oh, there's a fattacata. Fattacata and Nintendo. Who are you going to be? I'll be Luigi. I'm going to be at the princess. Oh, I'm going to switch. I'm going to be a toadstooler. What character are you on? Mario at Warui. Ah, very good. Waluigi. Wow. Why do you go with Waluigi? Well, it's. Yeah, it is. Waluigi looks like Waluigi looks like Tony a little bit. Oh, you. Are you making fun of me? Everyone's taking shots. All I do is help everybody and everybody comes up. Oh, this lady's shooting imaginary guns at me. This lady in the front row is like, what the fuck is going on here? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm good. Fireballs. Fireballs. Shut the up. Oh, now you want to cheer? All right. Kansai Yasuda, we're going to miss you so much. Have you guys seen Kansai around town? I've never seen you before. I think you're great. He really is. I've seen a few of them. Are you excited to go back home to Toronto and sit around and eat ramen every day? I want to eat ramen every day here. You eat ramen every day here too? I eat ramen. The Korean ramen. The Korean ramen? Yeah. I cook it with my black friend and then. Whoa. What's in the. What's in the ramen? Sausage and sausage. Sausage. Sausage. Sausage. Wow. I lived 40 years, I never heard it called that. Sausage. Sausage. God damn, that is saucy. Sausage. Wow. Sausage, Sausage, Sausage. Try it like this. Try it like this. Go. Sausage. I eat sausage. I love sausage. I love about ramen. Sidge. Sausage. Try sidge. I love. Say sage. Just say sidge. Sidge. Sidge. Sidg. No, you don't have to make it Italian. You don't have to make it Italian. Just because I extra Asian everything with you doesn't mean you need to Italian it with me. So try this. Just watch me, watch me. Go see Sidge s. Now go. Now go. Sausage. Sausage. Nah, it's still a little sage. You're trying to make it an A. Let's stick with an I here. Even though it is an A and a U, but it sounds like an I. So sage. No, no, not sausaging. Sausage. Let's try it one more time. Watch me, watch me. Sidge. Sid. Sausage. Sausage. Do it, do it. Noise at the end. Sausage. Yeah. No, just sausage. He's so Asian. His hands are getting smaller. So say she. It's hard. Okay, let's try it in a full sentence. Waluigi ate lots of sausage. Waluigi ate a lot of sausage. God damn it. Kansai Yasuda. We love you, Kansai. You're killing it. Enjoy Canada. We'll see you soon. Thank you. One of the top young rising stars on the show. That is indeed Kansayasuda, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're gonna keep. What? Yeah, he's great, right? Yeah, we love him. We love Kansai Yasuda. All right, your next bucket poll. This looks like a new name. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Alex Tarchun. Alex Tartun. So I'm not transgender right now, but I am thinking about it. So I might be a translator. I'm actually kind of odd. I'm odd like an eight ball. I'm even black. I'm even black. I got this odd problem I'm trying to figure out. So there's three planes that depart from a Boston airport within a 20 minute window and collide with a building each. Now, if X represents the plane that hit the Pentagon, I'm trying to solve for why the government won't show me the foot. 20 years, still figuring it out, you know. Thank you. Thank you very much. 58 seconds from Alex Tartun. Am I saying that correctly? Tartun. Tarshun. Tarshun. Okay. What ethnicity are you exactly? I'm African. Italian. Wow. A lot of Sicilian in there too. Okay. All right. African and Italian. That's the accent the last guy was doing. It was great. What do you mean? Sausage, Sausage, Sausage, sausage. Alex, how long you been doing stand up comedy? About 11 years. Wow, 11 years. Where at? Mostly New York. Okay. A little bit of Portland didn't work out well. Right. Okay. How did you end up in New York? Is that where you're from? Oh, yeah, I'm from Westchester. Okay. All right. And do you live here now? Mm, yep. What made you move here? This baby. Okay. Baby. Jesus Christ. It's those eyes, dude. It's just the old emerald eyes of Tony Hinchcliffe. That's my new nickname, Emerald eyes. Okay. Look at you. I mean, holy shit, you look like you would be the fuck first pick in the garbage man draft. It is just incredible what's happening here. Well, you know what? I've been trying to sign up for a while and I keep trying different things. Like, I actually just gave up on socks completely. Hold on a second. I. I'm going to need a second here, everybody. So you're saying that you've been signing up for the show for a while and you haven't been getting pulled randomly out of the bucket? Yeah. And you think that doing different things, for example, not wearing socks, would help make you lucky enough to get pulled out of the bucket? Well, I kept Wearing like. I kept wearing, like, pants and like, like, clothes and stuff. And I was like, you know what? It's not working. You can't argue with results. This man is here. The system works. It's going to be fucking 64, five people that stop wearing socks next week because of this moment right here. Wow. What are some other things that you did to help your. How many weeks have you signed up? This is a question that I always wanted to ask people. More I should do. It's. It's been about like 20 months. 20 months in a row. And every Monday you sign up and you don't get pulled out of the bucket. And then this is the first week that you. You go, what do I. Pretty sweet. Can I just get out of there? I'm going to stop wearing socks and look at you now. Wow. Do you always wear the. The. The do rag on your head? Yeah, usually I like to wear a hat for like that big, like, I'm black reveal, you know? But we can see your hair. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. It is incredible because you don't really seem black or Italian. I guess when blacks and Italians made. It just comes out Persian prince or something like that. His smoke detector just goes off whenever he makes spaghetti. I'm actually second generation inbred. Explain to us exactly what you mean. All right, so I don't know if you can see it from here, but I got this mini pinky. Oh, yes, we can. Definitely. I got one of those minis. Got to warn people before that happens. D Madness. Saw that little pinky. That is unbelievable. That is the most random thing to say. He's like, well, I don't know if you could see it from there, but I have a very tiny pinky. It's like a blatant thing. Anybody from any distance can notice that you have a shockingly small pinky. That is amazing. I love the presentation of your small pinky. And you're saying that this is because family members above you, your ancestors were one another? Yeah. So, like, my dad's parents were related, but, like, not my parents. Black or the Italian side? No, on the black side. What? Bacon soda. What? Well, technically, most Sicilians are kind of, you know, because it's an island, you know, so it's a lot of, you know, I. All I. My only problem is the pinky. Trust me, it's just the pinky. Very suspicious. I don't think anyone's believing that now that you say it. No one's believing it. So are there. Do you have brothers and Sisters? Four. Four. Three brothers. One sister and I got eight dogs, too. Do they have some things wrong with them? My younger brother's on steroids. That's not. That's not. That's not. He's trying to grow his pinky. Do they have anything wrong with them? Just ones on steroids. What is he doing? Why? Why is he on steroids? Well, he's. He's got, like, body dysmorphia. Huh. And he thinks, like, he thinks that's gonna win his, you know, his girlfriend back or something. Oh, wow. That is a ruthless thing to say on this show. Do you and your brother not get along? No, we're good friends. Okay. Hell yeah. You got anything you'd like to say about people you don't like? You know, I got my best friend's Adam J. And then Andrew Gino. Just want to shout them out. Love those guys. Don't do that. Sorry. Don't do that. We're going to bleep those out. I pro. I promised them. Cuz we BLEEP on this show now. Full. What are we at? 7? 9 if we count your little buddies. All right, Alex Toshun. I got eight dogs, too. You have eight dogs? Yep. What? What? What? You live here? Yeah. By yourself? Yeah. And you have eight dogs? Are they all outside? No, they're indoors. You have eight indoor dogs. Okay. If you want to get rid of them. Any of them. I know a farmer. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. That is true. Tommy Tickles. You just inherited eight new dogs. Why do you have eight dogs? Explain to us how this happens. So the crazy thing is I just left my two dogs alone for a while and then they just like. I thought my little dog was just getting fat. Do the new dogs, do they all have tiny pinkies? No. They're great, though. They're cool. They're really sweet. So you left your two dogs alone? Unneutered? Unspayed. They fucked. Did some of the puppies die? No, I got all of them. All six. Wow. So now how long ago did that happen? About almost seven weeks. Seven weeks. So you have seven week old puppies? Yeah. It's pretty sweet. Are you. You're just keeping them? You're going to keep them? So I have to get, like, emotional service. Like it's like a doctor's note for eight dogs because you can't have more than like. You can't have more than like five dogs in Austin. So you go ahead, James McCann. What, you're gonna try and take eight emotional support dogs on a Jet, what are you talking about? Have you seen this guy's pinky? He needs them. He's got to nibble down the rest of the fingers. With wild dogs, you need the government to approve having more than five dogs. Yeah, or you need to have. Trump's gonna ship these things to El Salvador. That's what's going on. This is a new era we're living in, buddy. No break in the rules with this new federal government. What kind of dogs are they? It's mostly Pitle, so. All right, that's the black side, that is. I know what he's doing with these eight dogs. Okay, so you're teaching them how to fight? Well, one of them bit the other one's tail today, so apparently something called litter mate syndrome, where, like, they're just automatically going to start fighting because they're not normally. Like, normally people don't keep their dogs together like that. So you don't even need to train them. Look at that. You start filming it. For TikTok, you make the Ultimate Fighter. But for dogs, you see which one's got some fight in it, that's the one you keep. You send the rest to the farm. Are you really. Are you proud of the one that bit the other one? Is that your favorite one now? My favorite one's Porky. Okay. Why is Wife. Why is Porky your favorite? Porky was the. The only brown one. Everyone else is black, you know. Okay. Some weird racism. I guess you can get away with it 50 of the time. Yeah, it's the. The hard part about my blackness is, like, nobody believes me. Right. I agree. I could see why. Yeah, it makes sense. What do you do for work? I do jets pizza delivery on South Lamar. Wow. You were expecting the crowd to go wild. Red band. You've tried this pizza, Our senior pizza. It's my favorite pizza. Really? Yeah. Wow. You gotta get the crust with all this on it. We're giving away free pizzas. How are you doing that? Explain to us why. I talked to my boss. He said if I got on, we could give away free pizzas. Okay, what's the. Normally when someone comes up with a promotion plan like that, they would say, say where or when the free pizzas would happen. If you don't wear socks, just show up to South Lamar jets pizza and ask for a big win. Is that you? That's my boss, Mr. Wynn. Wow. Now, what do you think this guy's going to do when he gets absolutely overwhelmed with people saying, hey, I'm here from the Kill Tony guy. He Said that I'd get a free pizza. What do you think's going to happen? I'm just hoping for a big, big delivery. A lot of tips. Hell, yeah. By tip you mean to your finger. Well. Well, personally, I'm going off the rails. I'm losing it. You're doing just fine. You're doing great. On paper, you are the best interviewee ever. Yeah, you're doing great. You're a black Italian cripple with too many dogs. There's. It's true. I take. I take the stats here. I got it written down here. Tarshoon. I spelled it. I misspelled it. How it's pronounced. 11 years. African, Italian, New York, Westchester. Little pinky. I mean, you're chicken. A lot of boxes, eight dogs. So here's a big question for you, all right? I specialize in different cultures and stereotypes. That's my bread and butter. And now I happen to know for a fact a half black, half Italian is someone that loves women. Yeah, right. You do. The problem. It's a problem. Let's talk about that problem. Go ahead. Tell us why it's a problem, how it's a problem. Some things that have come up in your life. You have eight dogs that you're living with and you want pussy all the time. So tell us. Tell the people what it's like. So basically I've come to a conclusion that basically, women, they all say they're different, but they all sound the same. So that's why I've only, like, been going after deaf women. You know what I mean? I love you. I love you. That is some real. That's some black belt, Jedi level shit. So explain to us where you're finding these deaf women at. So basically I was at, like, rock bottom one day, which is not far from right now, actually. Wait, you okay? I thought you were talking about the bar or a restaurant for a second. So I was like, what? Before we move on, why were you at rock bottom? So I had a. I fell on my knee on the sidewalk and it got infected and the infection went to my face. Okay. It was a staph infection. It was like. I don't know, I. It was like I was on antibiotics. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was like. It was actually pretty bad. Sickle cell. Okay. How did it. How did it get to your. How did. What did it do to your face? It started, like, in all red and puffy. Okay. And how long did you do. Was it after the fall on the knee in which the Fall on the knee. Like, I. I didn't know because it was such a big collision. It got like cellulose or cellulitis or something like that, like the deep infection. So how many days after the fall on the knee did your face start getting puffy? About a week. Okay, so you were at rock bottom. They gave you antibiotics, right? Yeah, I just had my car got stolen because I live in Portland. Oh, Portland. That's come up a few times tonight. And I was limping to go get some free food from the pantry, and all of a sudden, there's this beautiful woman, and she's holding this. True story. She's holding, like, a pile of money in her hands, and she just goes, do you want any money? This is the greatest show ever invented. There's nothing like this show. Just to let you know, every other show in the world, the people are vetted. Like, the. The podcast host knows who they're talking to that day. Every other, not to mention television show, everything we were raised on, they know what questions they're gonna ask. The other person knows what the answer is. They try to make it look natural. This show is so different. What the fuck? What the fuck is going on? Deaf woman with a pile of cash. And she sent. It sounded. That sounded accurate. That sounded like a deaf woman. So you're next to her. And what do you say to that? I said, well, a couple things. I was like, you kind of caught me at a bad time. You told her that? Yeah, it's not a great time for me. Like. Like, you know, But I said. I said, one day I'm gonna be on tv. When you see me on tv, you give me a call. And she said, okay, bye. See you on tv. You gave her your number? Nope. Well, how would she give you a call? Well, I was hoping she'd see me on tv. He's gonna get famous. And death jammer in the ass. Well, I figured. I figured, like, while. Like, while I'm getting through my, like, phase of having no money and eight dogs, like. Like, I'd get, like, to the point where I could finally, like, have a relationship, you know? I mean, now's not a good time for me, you know what I'm saying? So you got a knee injury that infects the face, and you go home to your house with no money and eight dogs and you go, one day, love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is. You don't find a lot of women like that. No, you don't ever. No one ever has. No one has ever seen a deaf woman With a pile of cash. I'm going for asking to give it out. You start to sound like a three year old grown up and tells a story, you know, and kids are like, and then there was an apple, and the apple talked to me. And then I fell on my knee and the knee hurt my face. And there was a woman and she couldn't hear and she gave me money, but I walked away. I went home. I had eight dogs at that house. I love you. You're the best quality person I've ever met. Hey, thank you, thank you. You. Thank you, thank you. Especially great person for the blood that runs through your veins. I mean, Italians are real pieces of. You know what I mean? Okay, all right. That was too much. All right. God. Thought you were talking about being inbred. I didn't even know you talked about. Okay, thank you, Redband, for all the help that you provide over here. Sixteen minutes into this episode interview, I still feel like I haven't gotten enough. Well, it's nice meeting you all. Oh, you're so sweet. This guy, you're unbelievable. He's gotta go. He has eight dogs. So where this deaf woman changed your life to the point to where you are now into deaf women, but you didn't do anything with her? No. Basically, like. And I thought for myself, like, same day, I was like, well, like, because she was like, offer me money. And I was like, this is pretty sweet. And then, like, later on, I'm walking in the grocery store, like, I sit down and like, some other woman, like, offers me money. And I was like, well, it wasn't the same because, like, she thought I was homeless. And I was like, all right. So, like, it's not just that she was offering me money, you know? Did you take the money? No. No. And also, she was black too, so I wasn't really feeling it. You're not into black women? No, not really. Not really. You've been with the black woman? Yeah, one time. What did you not. What was it that stood out to you? She had a really nice afro. I thought she was pretty, but she also had, like some kind of like. Like, I ended up, like, kind of getting sick afterwards. Like, she. Tell us about that. What kind of sick did you get from the black woman? Oh, you might be the greatest interview in the history of the show. So honest. So, like, on a clinic, it was basically like a couple hours into this and, like, my air mattress is already mostly deflated. And she just starts coughing and I'm like, you all right? It's like, no, I'm kind of getting over something and I'm like, jeez, I'm kind of getting over something, and then all of a sudden, like, I was just sick for, like, another week. It sucks. So that was. That was it. Wow. And then there was. There was. There was one. There was one. There was one. Everyone has one giant, fat black lady off Craigslist, but that doesn't count. Wait, she was off Craigslist? No, it doesn't really count. Where did you meet her at? Well, I met her at my. I met her at her house. You gotta understand, it was. Was Albany. It was Albany. I didn't have a chance. Oh, okay. Hold on. I asked. Oh, God. I asked if you see, I asked if you found her on Craigslist, and you said no. Right. Well, yeah, but I, I, I found her on Craigslist, but I met her at her house. Right, got it. Okay. You didn't find her. Okay, so you did find her on Craigslist, and then your first time meeting her physically was at her house? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. And then you got sick. Yeah. And that kind of turned you off from black women? Yeah. The thing is, I got sick even though we. We also did it in the shower. It didn't help at all. You did it in the shower? What made you guys do it in the shower? You both like voluptuous hair. You said that she had an afro. You have what appears to be a. Well, we started in the shower, we moved over to the air mattress, and to be perfectly honest, you. Oh, here we go. There he goes. He's loaded up, and here it comes. To be perfectly honest. Well, it was. Well, I mean, I don't know if I can make this any worse. You're doing just fine, buddy. We kind of filmed it. Hold on. You just met her? Yeah, it started in the shower. You're both getting over something. What made you guys film it? Whose idea was. I think I was living. I was living in Albany. It was over to Somers, like nobody was there. Upstate New York. Yeah. I knew I was gonna need something for later. You know what I mean? So you asked her permission to film? Yes. Wait a second. There's a little pause. Little, big smile there. Absolutely. So you. This was at her house? So you couldn't. No, it's at my house. We went back to my house. You met her at her house, then you took her back to your house? Why? Well, I mean, I just. That's kind of where I just. That's kind of where I live. But you were at her House? Yeah. You had sex at her house? Nope. No. You just met her at her house. Did you immediately take her in your car to your house? You guys hung out. Oh, you didn't have a car. How did you guys get from her house to your house? Just walked right home. You walked? How far of a walk was that? About like three quarters of a mile, something like that. Wow. So not far. Yeah, not far. Two blocks, something like that, you know, not bad. No, there's a big difference between 2, 3/4 of a mile. Okay, this has gone way too far. I've been informed by red band that it's gone 21 minutes interview and I don't remember anything about the minute at all. But I'll tell you, you are an unbelievable fucking interview. You sign up next time, I don't want you to ever wear fucking socks again. You hear me? I'm going to try to get you out of this bucket again. There he goes. Alex Tarsu. Wow. Wow. Good Lord. There's the lovely Heidi, everybody. She'll knock your socks off. All right. It's a tough follow. Tough to follow. Alex Tarshon. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music and fast free delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more. Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms@mintmobile.com Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket full goes by the name of Cameron Frisk. Cameron Frisk gets a minute. My buddy's dad just died in a motorcycle accident and then he got super religious after it happened and he's like cameron, I accept Jesus as my one true father. Like, nice, now you got two dads that don't talk to you, jackass. He's like, you wanna come to church? He's like, I'd rather ride on the back of your dad's motorcycle when he crashed. I'm not gonna lie to you. Everybody tells me my mustache makes me look racist. I was like, wait till you hear my mouth. You're gonna love it. Now, a little bit about me. I do. I hate reverse cowgirl. Unpopular opinion. I do. I hate reverse cowgirl. That's just because I love fucking straight cowboys. Where my fellas at? Horns up, boys. Listen, I came here to suck dick and tell jokes, and I'm all out of jokes, fellows. I didn't get these tonsils removed for nothing. Let's get this golden ticket over with. All right, all right. Don't count your fucking chickens over there. Cameron, welcome. How are you? Is this your first time on the show? Second time I was on, like, a month ago. Okay, well, welcome back. How has life changed since the first time you were on? People have been coming to my work now and coming and being like, hey, I saw you on Kill, Tony. What's your work again? I work at Piranha, the smoothie coffee shop Kyle owns. Yeah, we love. We love Prana. It's a great, great place. East side, 7th Street. Yeah. Everybody in my hometown hit me up, which was pretty cool. What's your hometown? Ojai, California. Yep. The energy vortex. Yes, the energy vortex, absolutely. It's all coming back to me now. Prana has a lot of, like. It's a. It's a famous place for, like, hot chicks to go to. Yes, Very famous hot chicks. Yes. I don't know if they're famous, but tons of hot chicks there. For sure. The place is famous for having hot chicks. Not famous, hot chicks. What he said. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Smoke shows. All of them. All right. What do you do for fun, Cameron? I've been traveling. Like, I went to Africa last year. That was the craziest thing I've probably done in a while. What made you go to Africa? I'd never been out of the country other than, like, Canada for one hour. And me and my girlfriend were like. I was like, I want to go to New York. And she's like, how about Africa? And I was like, perfect. That's. Did you keep an eye on her the whole time she was there? It's very suspicious. She was kind of a hot commodity there. I did talk to, like, one of the chiefs there, and I was like, get a little. Get a load of this thing right here. I was like, I'll trade her four goats. And he, like, laughed. He's like, three. And I was like, it's not bad. Three goats is a lot. Okay. I think you're trying to. It's hard to follow the interviewing style of Alex Tar. Yeah, of course. He's the man. You know Alex. Yeah. He has a crippling gambling addiction and I hang out with. Get Alex back up here. Get Alex back up here. He's such a. This is what we're going to do. We're going to trade out your boring white guy interview. Hell yeah. Is Alex still here? Can we obtain him? Let's get Alex become a known commodity at the area where everyone's hanging out waiting to get on the show. He's, he's. He's an earful to talk to. He's the man. Where the. Alex. Get out here. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the return. The long awaited return. Does anybody work here? Get Alex Tarshoon for me. Is going on. What could he possibly be doing? Well, he is half black, so he's gonna be late. So yes, he's in the back, but no, he's not here. Tell it. How do you know about his gambling addiction? We were just hanging out and talking and he was like frantically pacing, looking at his phone. It was on like 5% and he was just tweaking. He's like, I don't know. I think my phone's gonna die. Should I pull out? I might lose $100. And I was like, you just have my charger thing. Because I kind of wanted to see the gambling continue. Did he win? I don't think so, no. Wow. I didn't see him finish. It was like. It was basketball. Huh. Very interesting guy with eight dogs, lives by himself, has a crippling gambling addiction. Who would have thought? I like that. At the end of it, he was like, you could have my socks. It's all I have left. What else about Alex? Tell us more about Alex Tarshon. I'm just going to interview people. Did he tell you guys about his cartoon he made? Oh, my. He did not. God. Maybe the most racist piece of animation I've ever seen. It's crazy, honestly. Keep going. I don't know what it's called, but it's pretty much Ed Edd N Eddie with a lot more n words in it. It's. It's fantastic, but it's hard to watch. I love it. Wow. And this is like a comic book. No, it's like full on. Like he drew out the cartoon, like not by hand, but digitally and then made it into a thing. Took him months. It's like an actual cartoon. It's a real ass cartoon. Wow. And he. And he showed it to you on his phone? I think he just told me to look it up and I just went in that little rabbit hole and. Yeah, it was very interesting, that's for sure. Do you remember the plot line or anything like that? It was pretty much. I swear to God, it's just pure racism. Most of it, like that was pretty much the plot line was Ed. Edd N. Eddy. But they're black, okay? It's called N, N and N. Yeah. Well, somebody, for the love of God, get me Alex Tarshon. I need Alex Tarshew. Nice. In fact, never let him leave again. Let's just keep him. Let's keep him. Let's do what he does with his eight dogs. Keep him chained up right on the back post here. Going to say he can't be far? No, he can't be far. Okay, Cameron, what's the most interesting thing about your life before we get out of here? At the moment, I pretty sure I might have a child in Denver, Colorado. What makes you say that? Well, when I was like 14, some girl had sex with me on a boat. And then. And then. How old are you now? I'm 27. Okay, so go ahead. And then. And then she got pregnant. But she had a boyfriend at the time, never said anything to me, and moved to Denver, Colorado. And then I would stalk her Instagram and like, keep updates on the photo of the kid to hopefully it started looking like her husband and not me. That's what I was rooting for. And it's a girl. It's a girl. Yeah. And so is the girls grown up? What is she? Does she have a mustache? She looks like the cutest little Civil War baby you've ever seen. No, I don't know. I honestly. She deleted her Instagram and I've lost all content. Attacked at this point. Wow, what a sad end to a stalker's story. She didn't delete it. She blocked you, by the way. Maybe. I don't know. All right, Cameron, what's your living situation? I live in an apartment. It's not bad. One bedroom, big. I got a fireplace now, which I didn't have in California. So you afford that just from working at Prana? Barely, yeah. Amazing. Yeah, well, rent's a lot cheaper here. It's like $2,000. And you don't have to live in a garage like you do in California, which sucks, that is. So I have a fireplace now. Okay, there you go, Cameron. Moving up. What size joke book did you get last time? I got a little one. Okay, that sounds about right. Ah, damn it. Let's give you a medium one. Slow but steady improvement. Appreciate it. Cameron, frisk everybody. There he goes. Let's get through another bucket full here, ladies and gentlemen. It goes by the name of Alex o' Brien, everybody. Here comes Alex o' Brien. Alex o' Brien. Y' all are beautiful. First class, high dollar. I'm gonna be like Nick Cage. I'm gonna be gone in 60 seconds, y' all. Ma' am, do you know what your problem is? Not shit. Nothing. You're doing great. You're killing the game. I appreciate you being out here. So I have two things for you. Bank robbers and playing hinders. My grandma used to say, playing hinders. Oh, we playing hinders, y' all Playing hinders. Which meant inappropriately touching something as a kid from another person. Now, we didn't play hiners, but we did play doctor a little bit. We got played doctor a little bit. We'd be like, oh, is your elbow hurt? Let me get some aloe. Rub that on there real quick. Your low back hurt. Get some aloe on the doctor. Rub that on. Make you feel good. Make me think about hinders as I'm an adult. I think hinders might have been fucking butt stuff, and I think my grandma might have been into that a little bit. She'd be asking us to play hinders. I tell you that to tell you this. The bank robber situation. Bank robber situation is. Some of y' all men know about this. It's when you're tucked into your waistband and your opportunity is looking straight up at you. It's goddamn robbing the bank. Just put the fucking money in the bag. Oh, my God. It's a dangerous thing to have. So you're playing hinders, you're putting the money in the bag. It's a great thing. What do you got for me, Tony? Okay. Jesus Christ Almighty. Kim Congdon. This guy is talented. As I'm gonna say it right now, he made 60 seconds feel like an hour. That was beautiful. That's all I can ask. Have you ever done stand up before? Only fucking five times. Okay. And how. How many times have you signed up for this show? This is my ninth. Ninth time signing up. And your first time on Christmas, Correct? That's accurate. God. What do you do for work? Well, I'm a substitute teacher. Uhhuh. And a comedian. No, you're not. Thank you. Thank you so much. I was waiting for that. Totally not that. Got me dialed in. Substitute teacher. How old are you? 38. Okay. What made you start standup now at 38 years old? So I got super good at coke over Covid. Like, really good. I wasn't teaching, and I was like, you know, man, this stuff is, you know, keeping me occupied and in my house. And so I had to reset my life. And when I did that, I said to myself, jesus, maybe I should just move the fuck out of Seattle where it rains too much and pretend like I'm funny on stage. So far, no good. You're the worst. You're the worst. You're adorable, but you're the worst. Where are you originally from? Florida. Seattle, Washington. Oh, that makes sense. That makes perfect sense. Sad Seasonal affective disorder. Come out here. I'm feeling a little bit better. But you still do this right now? No, siree Bob. How? What happened? Half years. Two and a half years sober. Yeah, I was. I was like borderline schizo. I was really good. It kind of stuck with you. Some people do enough to where they just kind of stay. Maybe that was just the natural effect and it was just enhancing a little bit. Right, okay. Have you ever met Alex Tarshon before? I heard good things. What have you heard my name repeated over and over again? Me going, am I on yet? And backstage, and then the person in front of me. That's as much as I've heard. Okay, right. What's the most interesting thing about your entire life? Nobody has any idea what you talked about for your minute, by the way. Just a bunch of gibberish. Gibberish. All right, noted. I appreciate that feedback. I did a background dance. I was a background dancer for Run DMC one time at a PE conference. I killed it. All right. You have one of the most hateable faces I've ever seen. Yeah, let's go. I gotta say, the moments when you're yourself and you're an actual douchebag and you. Like when you did that thing before you did the bit, there's like little glimpses of maybe you could do something there. But you have to go with that douchebag face. You can't hide it. Like we're looking at it present. Do you ever use it to your advantage? You know, I used to. I was super good at it. Like, you know, not a good person for a while. For Christ's sake. Cocaine. But no, not anymore. So how would you use it to your advantage? How would I use it to my advantage? I would be like, yo, what's up, girl, what's poppin? Brand new whip just hopped In. And then she'd be like, oh, that's not how it goes. Are you a heterosexual? Fuck. There's only one thing to do right now. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back Alex Tarshon, everybody. Thank you so much. Yeah. Crowd goes wild. We're upgrading our Alex's the out of here. Alex Tarshon. The world wants more of you. Since you were gone. Since you've been gone. We heard. We learned that you have a crippling gambling addiction. Oh yeah? Who told you that? Even Matt Muling just gave a good. Oh fuck. It's like you are a geyser, my friend. You are just a flowing vat of natural material. Yeah, we heard about it. We heard about it from Cameron Frisk. Do you know Cameron? Yeah, you know Cameron. So tell us about this gambling problem. Well, basically I figured out right now it's all about the arbitraging. It's all about the what? So you just. You just bet both sides. You automatically win like a dollar or two and you just keep rolling it over. But you're meant to do that with millions of dollars on either side. And you. We're snowballing. Snowballing. Are you. Sorry, I don't know what to do with this guy. It's the greatest interview of all time. You want to. You want to hear a quick story about how I saved someone's life? Yes. Yes. So me and my first pitbull are walking down the. By the river and I'm looking for my cell phone cuz I lost it. And it's nighttime and I want to ask someone if I can call like my phone and their phone. But they don't want to do that because it's nighttime and stuff. So I see this. I see this one guy and I want to ask him, but I don't. And then I'm walking by the river and I see this body floating in the river. And I was like oh my gosh. I run back to the guy, I'm like hey, we got to call the ambulance and stuff. And he's like all right. He doesn't believe me necessarily. So we go back to the river. No one's there, but they float onto the pier. So I'm like, it's like February and it's like really cold. And I'm like she'd probably freeze her in there cuz she, you know. So. So I did was, I took off all my clothes and I just started going into the river and I. And it was the Hudson river. So I was kind of like I've Never been in here. I don't know how deep it is, but, like, so I just. I thought I get in there, and she must have been, like, at least 250, but, like, in the water, I could still move her. And, like, I'm getting her up on, like, the rocks and stuff. The guys helped me get her up and stuff. We get my dog on top. We're trying to warm her up. And then, like, the thing is, though, is, like, when the fire department came all the ambulance and stuff, like, I was so proud. Tell him, like, who I was and stuff. But the. The. The person who helped me, like, he's like, my name is Vivian. And I'm like, whoa. Like, cuz, like, the only thing I wanted was, like, for, like, a hot chick to see this. And I'm like, bro, are you a hot chick, though? And he was like, yeah, like, I'm transgender. And he's like, yeah, I came to the river to kill myself, too. But, like, this is my It's a Wonderful Life moment, so I'm not gonna do it. And I'm like, that's pretty sweet. That's pretty sweet. Thank you. Thank you. Let's talk about this cartoon you made. Oh, they told you. They told you. All right, so it's basically the black version of Ed. Edd N. Eddie. Keep going. Okay, so basically, it's called Nig Nigga Nigger. Keep going. All right, so it. The episode four is my favorite because it. It has, like, a Buzz Lightyear. Like, you remember, like, when Buzz Lightyear was Mrs. Nesbit? Sure. Everyone forgets about that. But I had this whole bit about, like, how, like, Buzz Lightyear comes back to see his friends, and he's, like, just missing an arm, and he's, like, wearing, like, a girl hat and apron. And then, like, all the characters, like, we gotta, like, get out of here before Buzz infects us with his gay. Before we know, we'll all have our arms out our socket wearing a lady hat. And you see, like, Mr. Potato Head, like, missing an arm. Be like, hey, boys, I've always been Mrs. Potato Head. Where can people find these cartoons at? Plug it. So you gotta go to. You gotta go to. What the hell is my name? Alex Tarshu. Yeah, but right now it's purebred retard on YouTube. That's your name? Yeah, Purebred. Like, like your bread. Retard. All one word. Are there any underscores or anything? Bread. Like the food. Food. Oh, bread. Like the food. Pure bread. Retard. Yeah. What made you go with bread. Like, the food on that one was purebred. Retard. Regular. Taken. Well, I used to be. I used to be in bread. And then that got me in a lot of trouble. Like, on Instagram and stuff. That's the part that you think got you in trouble? Not the part. I'm pure. The guy with the pinky stole that handle. You know, for a long time, I would Google, like, like, why do I have a mini pinky? But I didn't know how to spell pinky. Like, I think I usually like to do, like, P, I, N, K, like Y or something like that, or I, E. I don't remember. But, like, I can't really spell that. Well, you spelled it wrong. I couldn't spell pinky for a long time. You're a bad speller. Yeah. Yeah. How bad do you think you are? Pretty bad. I'm more of a math guy. More of a math guy. Okay. Are you good at math? Yeah, I do okay. Wow. Yeah, I did that one. That's me. We found the cartoon. This is incredible. I saw that. Yeah. A Tarshoon cartoon. Yeah. That's good. It really is. It is. For those of you wondering what the spelling of this cartoon is, it is N, I, G, comma, N, I, G, G, N, N, I, G, G, A. I don't know if I'm allowed to spell that word. We'll see. We'll see. But it is a real cartoon. Wow. I definitely can't say it, but I think I'm allowed to spell it. Thank you. Wow. How many of these have you made? I got four right now. Working on part five. Hell, yeah. Incredible. Even your, like. Even the, like, 20th most interesting things about you are so interesting. Hey, you want to see the Feast Day Resistance? The what? You want to see the best part? Yeah. Hey, look at my shoe. Look at my shoe. Ready? What, is your shoe broken? Yeah. What size shoe do you wear? 10. Really? Yeah. All right, all right. My shoes would be a little too big on you. I was going to give you my shoes. Someone's got a size 10 in here. Come on. Who's got a good size 10? Anybody? Someone give these man your shoes. Look, hold on. There's a guy in a Hawaiian shirt standing up. There he goes. I think he's. Oh, he's leaving. Everybody's leaving. Okay, you got a size 10, you got. No, 12's not going to work. No, he's going to get an infection in his face. You got a pair of tens? Yes. Throw them up here. Throw them in. Throw them up here. Ew. Wait. Those look terrible. No, pass them back. Pass them back. He's better off. He's better off without. I'll tell you what. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give you an automatic minute next week, and I'm going to present a new pair of size 1010 shoes to you. Yeah. A brand new pair. And we're gonna go through another interview. This one lasted 10 minutes. You add that to the 21 before, that's 31 minutes. Technically, I do believe with the two combined, you do hold the record for the most interviewed person in the history of the show in a single night. I already gave you a big joke book. There you go, Al. Alex Tarshon, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna keep it moving along. We realize that we haven't had a female comedian here tonight, so we're gonna get one up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a minute from Lisa Jane Spencer. Make some noise for Lisa Jane Spencer. Hello. I know I sound retarded, but I'm just Australian. Yeah. So I'm just wondering, are we still pretending white people. Are we still pretending that we don't say the N word? Like, when they're not around? Obviously. I remember learning about it. I was young, my brother was young, and my brother got back from a friend's house and he was. He was talking about this cereal that he had you guys call it Cocoa Krispies. We call it Cocoa Pops. But see, he called it N Pops. Yeah. So my mum banned that. Yeah. But, yeah, we just learned to hide it. Right? You just learn to hide it. And my favorite is just doing it in the, in the car, you know, listening to Kanye. That's my favorite. I'm talking about eating Nutella. Keep going, Finish it. I'm talking about eating Nutella. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Lisa Jane Spencer, ladies and gentlemen. We're welcome to the show, Lisa. We're gonna go to our senior Australian correspondent, James McCann. Lisa, you've dishonored our country. These people already think we're extremely racist because of our racism. I was just talking about Nutella, though. I was just talking about. Even though. Can you tell me what it meant? Okay, well, I was alluding to that. Yeah. The N word. But actually, but actually, I was talking about Nutella. You were saying the N word that you weren't meant to say was Nutella. Yeah, Nutella. You guys, the, the two Australians are creating some kind of feedback here, it seems. And I, I, I had, I, I did have an ending of it. But I didn't. Yeah, you had an ending to the joke. I did have an ending. Okay, what was the ending to the joke that I asked you to do in the. I was gonna. Three times. I was gonna say, relax, I'm just Australian. We just call Rocky. Okay. Red ban. Red ban. Okay, you're just Australian. What? We just call each other. That's right. Very good. We do. We're gonna have to bleep that one. Why? That's another bleep. Even in Australia. Even when an Australian says that it counts. Even though you guys. You can probably say poofta though. Yeah, Puft is our. But I don't think YouTube knows about Pufta yet. They YouTube's robots don't know about poofta. What does that mean exactly? Sort of a light in the loafers type individual. It means gay. You're gay. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Where are you from in Australia? Melbourne. Terrible city. I know. I apologize. Oh, I love Melbourne. You love Melbourne? I love Melbourne. My favorite city in Australia. It is nice. There's like nice parts of it like the Peninsula, Dandenong ranges. No, I had an engagement breakdown in Melbourne. It's a shit city and I can't say enough bad things about it. They monopolized our football, they stole our Grand Prix. They talked down on the people of Adelaide. Shame on Melbourne. Wow. Damn. But. But there's not a lot of Nutellas. There's actually Kim. After the South Sudanese war there was a huge influx of Nutellas in Melbourne and they have changed the game in Australian football. Every team has a great big seven foot Nutella now out there. Yeah. Yeah. How long have you been in America? Literally like four days. Four days? Yeah. Yeah. What's the weirdest thing about America so far? The weirdest thing? Yeah. Okay. Well last night I was standing next to a truck that was like double the size and that was like a normal car. Yeah. No. I don't know why they made trucks so big here. They just made them big enough to kill children without knowing about it. And they. They wanted big enough to kill a basketball playing Nutella. Do you know what I'm saying about these trucks? It's too much. I apologise. Have you ever seen a half Italian, half Nutella before? Let me show you one. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Alex Tarshon, everybody. I don't know which one's more creeped out by the other right now. Having quite the standoff. She looks scared to death by the way. I don't know what's happening. It's okay. This guy is one of the most interesting people in the history of the show. Got to be scared of 40% of me. You only have to be scared of 40% of them. Have you ever seen anything like that on the streets of Melbourne? No. No. She looks genuinely frightened. I don't know if the cameras are picking it up. Alex, have you ever hung out with an Australian person before? No, not yet. Wow, look at this. Absolutely incredible. If you were going to take her on a date, where would you take Lisa Jane Spencer? Hear me? The Jets. It's a pizza place on Lamar. I do like pizza. You like pizza? Oh, you're in for a treat. Pretty good, man. We got our very own Love on the Spectrum happening right here on Kill Time. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like dogs? What? Do you like dogs? Dogs. I love dogs. What kind of do you like? How many dogs do you love? What would be a reasonable number of dogs for a man to have? Just one. One. Oh, we got. I don't have a dog. I don't. I used to have a dog, but it died. This man's got eight dogs. I just want to let. You got eight dogs. What are you into anything weird sexually? Like two in the pink, half in the stink. This is very rude. He has a. He has a funny hat. He has a funny hat. He's got a weird pinky. She is scared to death, ladies and gentlemen. Again, when she faces you guys, she starts to smile and everything, but when she looks directly at him, there's a specific ghostly look that comes over her face of concern. It's true. I wish we had, like, a reverse camera. I guess we can't really do it. Lisa, I want you to know this is just what America's like. It's like this every single day forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I was at that show last night. I've got Alex. Let me ask you a question. After you took her to Jet's Pizza, then what would you do with her? Probably bring her to my van. Australians love vans, dude. I don't. No, I don't date van people. Here's the twist. Is that. That's just a great. Every question I ask him is brilliantly answered. He doesn't live in his van. He has his own place. Eight dogs and an air mattress. Look how proud. Look how proud he is. He loves his life. He's about to get pussy. Dude, he's so cool. I'm buying him a new pair of shoes. I've never even done that before. 12 years we've been doing this show. I'm buying him fucking new kicks. Hey, you know, I'll buy you shoes. Wow, Alex, look at this. What are you gonna do, skin the dogs? No, wait, look at this. You've heard of love at first sight? This is fear at first sight. A sweet little Australian who did N word jokes, now looking at a half pinkied inbred Nutella. Okay, Lisa, just because I'm in a good mood, I'm gonna give you a big joke book. You don't really deserve it for any reason, but I'm just. Alex Tarshon has brought me so much joy here tonight that you're leaving with a big joke book. How about one more time for Lisa Jane Spencer? And how about one more time for the final time? Alex Tarshon, everybody. Guy's been signing up for ever over a year. Wow. Wow. The crowd is on their feet. People on the balcony are standing up. This is chaos. All right, we'll see you next week, Alex. There's only one way to end an episode like this, and you damn well know that. It has to to be the ringer of all ringers. The Memphis Strangler. It is. The vanilla gorilla. The one and the only. The Big Red Machine. The hall of Famer. This is William Montgomery. And by the way, if you love Ed and Eddie, you're gonna love Alex's very racist cartoon. I've actually been a backer. I've given him a lot of money. It's a wonderful cartoon. Well, it happened. Virginia Giffrey got suicided this past week in Australia after having been hit by a school bus going 80 miles an hour a couple weeks before. In the immortal words of Hillary Clinton, if at first you don't see succeed, try, try again. So the Philadelphia Eagles drafted a guy named Jihad Campbell. My math may be off, but wasn't he born after 9? 11. And they named him Jihad Campbell. He's an explosive linebacker, really willing to sacrifice. His body heal fast. I mean, he's in college. I heard he banged 99 virgins. And if you think the New York Giants can tower over him, he will fly right into them two at a time. If he launches into two people hard enough, a third might fall down and folks will claim it was a controlled demolition. Also, there's a rumor Mossad knew about Jihad Campbell, but failed to warn the Patriots. Okay, I ain't taking no shit. That's my impression of a constipated man. Okay. Wow. Wow. Damn. We know who the interview of the night Was. But my God, let there be no question, the set of the night goes to the man who's done it, Tony, more than anybody, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times. And meanwhile, here he comes, swinging his sledgehammer of destruction yet again. And you did it with a do rag on. And for the record, this thing smells like shit, Tony. No, I'm kidding. Alex is so funny, but I swear I was smelling his ass and I was like, oh, my God, is he gonna let me wear this? And then he put it on me and I'm like, dude, this smells like. Yeah, it smells like eight dogs living at the apartment with you. Eight dogs and a lot of pizza. Yeah, my goodness. But totally worth it. The hardest I've laughed all night was on your entrance. Your material followed the entire way through. An entire 1660 seconds of laughter. All gas, no brakes. The big red machine has arrived. So nice to be here. It's all the. It's all the rowing I've been doing, Tony. I'm at 200,000 meters already in this month. Okay. Tony. I'm up to over 500,000 meters since January. Wow. So I am going. And then I almost broke my big toe, I think a couple days ago. I was moving some piece of equipment. Equipment. And it fell right on my big toe. Oh, my goodness. It hurts so bad. Let me just warn you, you might have a face infection in no time. Yeah, I hope not. He also had a staph infection. Did he have a staph infection? There's somebody else. I don't know. It's a. Basically, cellulitis is kind of an extension of that. I think a lot of you know that. I'm a Canadian doctor, so, you know, we're all. You got to put him down. We're not going down that path again. Okay. So, William, you look fantastic. You're absolutely glowing. I could say so. Have you been on tour? I have. I was in Virginia Beach, Virginia, this past weekend. It was a wonderful time. I ended up eating a whole bunch of stuff. Seafood and. Tony, I'm serious. I don't think I'm ever really going to stop eating the seafood. I love some seafood. I was eating some of the fried shrimp. Oh, what? What others? What? Some kind of. What are some other kind of seafood? I was eating fried flounder. Oh. I was eating fried grouper. Oh, my God. I was eating fried redfish. Wow. And hush puppies, which is also like a fried breading bread. Wow. But, yeah, it was really good. And I walked on Virginia beach and had a really Good time. And it honestly, I felt like I was in Mogadishu or something. It seemed kind of crazy. I'm looking out at the ocean as there's just big fucking ships cruising around everywhere and just the people on the beach. It's like, where am I? But I loved it in Virginia Beach. Everybody that came to see me was great. What about moogies a day shoe? It's just. I swear I just had like this. Like this feeling of where. What country am I in? It just looked like crazy looking out. Oh, There's. There's James McCann. Your fellow. Your fellow. I know. It is so nice to a fellow ginger friend. I. You look so cool with the durag. Thank you so much, man. I think you could get away with it because I feel like I can get away with it right now, so. I think you could get away with it. I'm afraid that there's stuff in it like a flea or something or. James, let's switch hats. I think you could. No, I don't think they. Let's switch hat. Oh. Oh. The crowd wants it, James. Wow. Oh, my God. That's great. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Wow. James McCann. I think his pinky's getting shorter in real time. Somehow you look totally different than everybody. Shut your ass. Anyway, Excuse me. He's a whole new man. This is the new James McCann. Oh, now's the time to say it, but I'm too afraid. Hey, I was a cow. My ninja. Yeah, Nutella. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. Damn. Now I won't do it anymore. I think that was a pretty bad mistake, James. We got a swipe. The durag is too powerful. Give me my hat back. James McCann is on a USA tour. Get tickets@jdfmcann.com William Lights Out Montgomery has done it again, ladies and gentlemen. He's on tour. Kim Congdon's on Tour Store kimcongden.com with a C O N G D O N. She's a brea. May 14th Oxnard, May 15th. James McCann is everywhere. It is a true American tour. Again. JJ, D F McCann with2ns.com she has three ends now. Feel free to bleep that maybe of the parts of the show that just stays in the room. ExpressVPN zip recruiter prize picks into Cove as the drawing from Ryan Je belt is in. It is incredible. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Red band. Check out the Sunset Strip. Atx.com Love you guys. No doubt about it. Here we go. London, England, Madison Square, Go Garden. Everything's right around the corner. A lot of other fun stuff. Another more huge announcements and everything non stop with this goddamn show. Somehow it just continues on and on we go. Live audience, thank you. We love you. Thank you. Good night everybody. James McCann Kim con it. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets SA.