#725 - MATT RIFE + TONY CARUSO (ADAM RAY)

Summary

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Kill Tony #725 – MATT RIFE + TONY CARUSO (ADAM RAY)

Recorded at Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee | July 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

Episode #725 of Kill Tony is a supersized, arena-scale event held in Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena. Hosted by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban, the show features comedian Matt Rife and Tony Caruso (a character played by Adam Ray) as special guests. The format remains classic Kill Tony: a mix of stand-up newcomers and regulars deliver one-minute sets, followed by ruthless, hilarious interviews. Special moments this episode include a record number of first-timers gracing the stage, a historic performance by an 11-year-old, and raucous crowd energy emblematic of both Nashville and the show's loyal fanbase.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Opening & Introduction (03:54 - 08:49)

• The show opens with high energy from a stadium crowd as Tony and Redban introduce the band and hype up the venue.
• Adam Ray, in the guise of the elderly Tony Caruso, provides a slapstick and irreverent entrance, bringing physical comedy:
  • “He is 82 years old and moves a lot. Oh, he's dying, folks.” (08:28 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• Matt Rife is brought up to a huge ovation, with Hinchcliffe declaring Nashville the “eye of the storm.”

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2. Bucket Pulls: Comedians Take Their Shots

First Timer Showcase

This episode features a string of first-time performers, each granted a minute. Notable interactions follow each set.

Cassandra Ramos (13:07)

• Content: Jokes about interracial marriage, bedroom roleplay, and family dynamics.
• Interview reveals: Owns "Slothful Waffle", a food truck, with her white husband; she’s half-Black, half-Ecuadorian.
• Memorable exchange:
  • "Your first time on stage is going up first in an arena. Holy shit. That is amazing." (14:17 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• Timestamp: [13:07 – 20:06]

BC (20:34)

• Content: Observational jokes about fat people and footwear.
• Back-and-forth: Roasted for his appearance, admits to being a set builder and former crack user, five years sober.
  • "What's the most white trash thing about you, other than your smile?" (25:20 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• Timestamp: [20:34 – 26:22]

Jonathan Rachels (26:58)

• Content: Awkward social dynamics as a tattooed H-VAC worker; “first time doing stand-up.”
• Notable: Tattoo story, jokes about being a “black sheep,” and getting tattoos to beat hair loss.
• Timestamp: [26:58 – 33:20]

Stefan Ramirez (45:09)

• Jokes about: Metallica, abusive uncle, and navigating masculinity/gay culture.
• Fun Fact: Former cremator, shared odd/crazy stories from the job, including finding porcelain dolls in ashes.
• Quote: “I once upon a time had a part time job as a cremator.” (48:23 – Stefan Ramirez)
• Timestamp: [45:09 – 50:50]

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3. Golden Ticket Regulars Light Up the Room

Aaron Belial (34:40)

• Jokes about going blind in one eye, healthcare, and being treated “like a pet.”
• Mic-drop: “I'm gonna get pet insurance and identify as a fucking [dog].” (35:43)
• Adds high-energy, positive attitude; roasts Matt Rife with: “I look like you if your mom used a coat hanger.” (38:39)
• Timestamp: [34:40 – 40:53]

Fiona Cauley (51:52)

• Birmingham’s pride; wheelchair-bound, brings up the “hierarchy within the disabled community” and southern platitudes.
• Gold: “From where I'm sitting, you all are looking like a bunch of pussies to me.” (53:00)
• Piss jar story: Shares a wild ex-boyfriend anecdote about sleeping with jars of urine on the bed—instantly iconic crowd moment.
• Launches her new podcast, “Ramping Up,” with her fiancé.
• Timestamp: [51:52 – 59:57]

Cam Patterson (69:05)

• Edgy jokes about domestic violence told through a lens only Cam can master.
• Riffing: Boot-wearing leads to a volley of cowboy puns and country artist roasts from the hosts and guests.
• Highlights: “You look like broke Black Mountain.” (71:37 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• Timestamp: [69:05 – 74:47]

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4. Breakout & Crowd-Pleaser Moments

Finnegan Timothy O’Malley (aka “Finn”)—Age 11 (113:02)

• The youngest ever to perform on Kill Tony, delivers a poised, clean, genuinely funny set on after-school care and the YMCA.
• Tony: “A star is born. How old are you?” Finn: “11.” (115:58)
• Wins a golden ticket on the spot; invited to perform at Madison Square Garden.
• Timestamp: [113:02 – 120:04]

Golden Ticket Fourway Face-Off (121:16)

• Rick Diaz, David Jolly, Drew Nickens, and Jack Shaw each have a rapid-fire minute.
• Crowd noise meter picks Jack Shaw (by 0.4 decibels!) to advance to MSG, but David Jolly also awarded.
• Tony consoles Drew Nickens, providing a heartfelt teaching moment about competition and growth.
• Timestamp: [122:51 – 131:33]

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5. Other Notable Sets and Interactions

• Robbie (77:33):

  • Opens with vagina-size jokes, self-deprecating bits about his daughters and his failed band career.

• Kenny Cabanaugh (91:05):

  • Booed for rambling about being Canadian; Tony roasts him for blaming every bad joke on nationality.

• Martin Phillips (Golden Ticket, 95:01):

  • Standout “French horn” and Ted Bundy punchlines.
  • “Nobody talks about the lives he saved, right. I'll end it there.” (95:14)

• Evan Burke (Veteran, 108:48):

  • Brought up for his 15 years of experience after run of first timers; delivers sharp, survivor’s humor.

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6. Show Finale: William Montgomery (133:38)

• Tennessee’s own lights up the crowd with his anthem “Rocky Top” and a flurry of topical jokes and hard left turns.
• Notable: “Red Band's mom is such a bad slut, she couldn't blow a Breathalyzer.” (136:59)
• Brings classic chaos, signature energy, and crowd interaction—including a topless moment with an enthusiastic audience member.
• Ends amid laughter and absurdity, William quipping, “I was born in Tennessee. I will die in Tennessee.” (142:42)
• Timestamp: [133:38 – 144:30]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Crowd Energy:
  • “Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives?” (04:59 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• On Nashville’s Resilience:
  • “We're out here dodging tornadoes. I don't think there's anything that could fucking stop us in the world.” (05:50 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• On Golden Tickets:
  • “Finn, you are the newest golden ticket winner on Kill Tony.” (118:34 – Tony Hinchcliffe)
• Redban as Roasting Machine:
  • “You look like both the pedophile and the undercover cop that's going to arrest him.” (22:18 – Redban)
• Meta Moment:
  • “This is the only show where anything can happen in the moment. All the other television hosts have a teleprompter. They pre-interview their guests...This is Kill Tony live.” (108:24 – Tony Hinchcliffe)

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Episode Structure & Flow

• Unique Format:
  • A rapid succession of first-timers, then the show shifts into regulars delivering polished minutes.
  • Spontaneous crowd involvement, on-the-fly veteran (“how long have you been doing comedy?”) segment, child prodigy moment, and a decibel-metered contest.

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Overall Tone

The episode is relentlessly irreverent, highly energetic, and teeming with roast comedy, crowd interplay, and improvisation. Tony guides the chaos with wit, Redban peppers in sound effects and shock laughs, and the guests dial up both support and savage mockery. The tone ranges from brash and edgy to wholesome (with Finn’s debut), frequent heartfelt asides underscoring the tight bond the show has with its community.

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Final Thoughts

This marathon Nashville show stands out for its sheer range—the historic first child golden ticket winner, a slew of first-timers, multiple regulars going all out, and an audience deeply, sometimes brutally, involved in the action. The episode exemplifies what makes Kill Tony unique: unfiltered, live, unpredictable comedy.

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(End of summary. Timestamps embedded within each segment for ease of reference.)

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything.

[Red Band]

The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Red Band]

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last baby whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fire O' er the ramparts we watch were so gallantly straight and the rock gets red glare the bombs burn stinging air Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Or say does that star spangle thunder get away? O' er the land of the free. And the hope all of the. Cactus.

[Guest Comedians]

I love you guys.

[Red Band]

It's this red bank coming to you live from the Bridgestone arena here in Nashville, Tennessee for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives?

[Red Band]

And yee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are live in Nashville, Tennessee. Make some goddamn noise for Brian Redb. And how about one more time for the undeniable.

[Red Band]

Winona Judd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep it going for the best zenman in the land.

[Red Band]

Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Big

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mike, Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Matt Muling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And that is indeed D madness. Live in the flesh. Bridgestone Arena. Saturday's a little bit louder than Friday. I like this, champ. That's what the I am talking about. We are in some energy tonight. Nashville, Tenn, Tennessee. We're out here dodging tornadoes. I don't think there's anything that could fucking stop us in the world. Before we continue, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made an episode like this possible. You guys ready to start tonight's show? Let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to introduce two guests. First guest that I'm going to introduce is, believe it or not, one of the newer guests in the history of the show. This former comedian, he retired. He was doing it for a couple decades and he retired and now he's trying to come back, make a name for himself. And so far, as a guest on the show, he's done a pretty good job. This is the arena debut and the return of one of our New favorite guests, makes some noise for Tony Caruso. Oh, wait a second. It seems like they really like this guy. He's got a lot of energy tonight.

[Red Band]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Guest Comedians]

Whoa.

[Red Band]

Tony Caruso is back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. He is 82 years old and moves a lot. Oh, he's dying, folks, so. Oh, yeah. Come on over here. Tony moves a lot like Dr. Phil. He's a wild boy.

[Red Band]

Nashville, we tried to get up tonight or what? We're trying to get up. Who's trying to get up tonight? I got a question for you. Who's got two thumbs and may or may not have a hooker in his room at the Marriott right now? This guy

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony is here.

[Red Band]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Can you believe Those knees? Those 82 year old knees feel good.

[Red Band]

It's all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Save it, save it. Ladies and gentlemen, your other guest, another literally, truly one of the best comedians in the world. I love this guy. You guys are in the eye of the storm tonight as I bring up literally a second time guest, one of my favorite guests in the history of the show, one of my favorite comedians, and one of the world's favorite comedians makes some goddamn noise for the one and only Matt Rice.

[Red Band]

Oh, yeah. B. We are doing this tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are living the kill Tony life with Tony Caruso and Matt R. On a Saturday night in Nashville, Tennessee.

[Red Band]

Let's fucking go. What's up, Nashville?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are starting the show differently than normal tonight because I like to try different things and fucking excitement, experiment, as you know from my sex life. So we are going to start tonight's show with a bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, we're taking a chance here. Normally I like to start it with something steady. I have this show designed to kind of fucking blow up as it goes. So does that sound exciting at all? How many of you think the best bucket pool of the night going to be from Nashville? How many of you think it's going to be from Atlanta? Ooh, ooh la la.

[Red Band]

Felt racist. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show? Oh, my God, you guys are ruthless. Absolutely, absolutely ruthless. Let me remind you all how it works. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them. I conduct an interview with them. We meet them all at the same time. I can almost guarantee you that this is every. Bucket pulls first time performing in an arena. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Bucket pool number one. That is indeed from Austin, Texas, the one and only Heidi. Ladies and gentlemen. Jesus fucking Christ almighty. I believe in God, and I think it exists within those ass cheeks. Who loves America, huh? Ladies and gentlemen, your first bucket poll of the night representing Getting the episode started. Make some noise. We're gonna meet them all together. Cassandra Ramos is first. And here we go. It has beg.

[Guest Comedians]

Sorry, I'm nervous. So I was talking to my cousin last week, and I was asking him, you know, do you have any advice coming from a man's perspective how I can keep things a little spicy in the bedroom? And he said, you know, I like white bitches. We got that in common. I was like, okay. So he said, what I like to do to keep it spicy is I like to introduce some racial slurs. So he's like, go ahead and call me, you know, and he comes in and she says, oh, give me that N word, dick. So I was like, I'll try that. I offered it up to my. My husband, and he said, great, let's do honky. If you don't know what that means, it's. It. It's like back in the 1920s, a white man would drive through and honk his horn at the black prostitutes. So he comes in the bedroom. Now give me that nigger pussy.

[Red Band]

Thank you.

[Guest Comedians]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly one minute from Cassandra Ramos. Hello, Cassandra.

[Guest Comedians]

I'm so nervous. It's my first time on stage ever. Ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your first time on stage is going up first in an arena. Holy shit. That is amazing. I figured you've been on stage before since you look like you'd play Cinderella in a new Disney reboot.

[Red Band]

I was in a band called N word Pussy in middle school.

[Guest Comedians]

I like that.

[Red Band]

Love that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So this is your first time doing stand up?

[Guest Comedians]

We own a food truck and a business in Columbia, 45 minutes from here. And it's like a mall. Thank you. It's like a indoor mall, and we put on, like, a local.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say we, you mean.

[Guest Comedians]

My husband and I.

[Red Band]

He.

[Guest Comedians]

He helped coordinate a community. A comedy show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Guest Comedians]

So. But I mean, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he's a white guy.

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, he's white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of food truck is it?

[Guest Comedians]

Slothful Waffle. It's waffles. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just straight up regular waffles.

[Red Band]

Waffles.

[Guest Comedians]

We've got slothy Cristos. It's like, you know, Monte Cristo. It's really good. All handmade. We make all our sauces ourselves. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's it called?

[Guest Comedians]

I'm sorry, what's it called? Slothful Waffle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's like.

[Guest Comedians]

He's wearing the shirt right now. He signed up, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, okay.

[Red Band]

Slothful Waffle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What made you want to do this tonight?

[Guest Comedians]

We like to roast each other and we watch your show every week. So I was like, yeah, I'll sign up.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Guest Comedians]

I'm not going to get picked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there you go. It happened.

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, the first one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Guest Comedians]

I'm 28.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

28. How long have you been married?

[Guest Comedians]

For a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And where'd you meet him?

[Guest Comedians]

At Palm Springs, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but what were you doing in Palm Springs?

[Guest Comedians]

We worked, like, the street fair. He had the business out there, and I was working at a booth, and we met there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was doing the waffle thing. And what booth were you working at?

[Guest Comedians]

I was working at a coffee booth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A coffee booth?

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, I could see that. Coffee and Waffles sounds like a good name for an interracial couple.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it.

[Red Band]

What's some of the. What's some of the most racist that he'll say to you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A bit. Good question. Really?

[Guest Comedians]

Use the hard R. I'm only half black, so it's, you know, mega. Not her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the other half?

[Guest Comedians]

Ecuadorian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ecuadorian.

[Red Band]

I think that still counts. Yeah, I think that's black in most states. No. Ever been to Temecula, California? It's black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ecuadorian? Could be. It sounds like the first name of a black guy. Right. Alabama University. Ecuadorian. Jenkins.

[Red Band]

Touchdown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ecuadorian. Clink scale. I love it. What, do your. Your parents still together?

[Guest Comedians]

No. No. I have a stepdad since I was 12. They're together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So Mom's Ecuadorian.

[Guest Comedians]

My mom's black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the. The black one stayed. Wow. Do you ever talk to your Ecuadorian dad? Do I talk to my Ecuadorian dad?

[Guest Comedians]

Not really. He's a loser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your stepdad?

[Guest Comedians]

White.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. Hell, yeah. So he's around. Very supportive. It's such a trope. All the white people on this stage don't have two white parents together. That were part of our childhood. So it's all jokes. Anyway, who.

[Red Band]

Who do people say you look like if they stop you on the street?

[Guest Comedians]

Chili from tlc, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Guest Comedians]

I don't want no scrub. Scrub.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we know tl.

[Red Band]

Pretty good.

[Guest Comedians]

He was Looking at me like it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Tony Caruso didn't listen to a lot of you. I believe you. When? During TLC's reign?

[Red Band]

No, I was more. Who's the member of TLC that got murdered at the Cheesecake?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lisa? Left Eye Lopez. Well, no. Yeah. Wait, no. She died in a car accident.

[Red Band]

A plane crash. Yeah. It doesn't matter, but it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

What? But it's a. You ever get like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're thinking about, there's a white racist lady that's thinking of Aaliyah yelling plane crash repeatedly from the crowd. You're getting Left Eye Lopez and Aaliyah confused. Take it from me. Hip hop entrepreneur Tony Hinchcliffe in Nashville. I'm one of the most knowledgeable rap minds in the world. Only in Nashville. Anyway, what kind of music do you listen to?

[Guest Comedians]

I listen to a lot of rock. I like Tool, Disturbed, Corn Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of having a white stepfather. All the white stepfathers in the crowd are going crazy right now. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you what. I love your energy. Do you have something you want to say?

[Red Band]

Yeah. I was gonna ask, do you guys ever. To cut my life into pieces?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All types of music.

[Red Band]

Is that. Is that O.J.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

simpson song?

[Red Band]

Cut my wife into pieces. Too soon, man. Too soon. Is it? No, it's too late. Do you always dress like you've been fingered in a Spencer? Do you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It works.

[Red Band]

It's a good look. It's a good look.

[Guest Comedians]

I got a lot of kids, so only when I go out. Yeah.

[Red Band]

You look stunning.

[Guest Comedians]

Thank you.

[Red Band]

You look wonderful. Don't murder me, husband.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very rarely does a first time performer get a big joke book. But I love your energy. I love your charisma. I love everything about you. Great interview. Fucking awesome. Cassandra Ramos has started tonight's show with an adorable little B gang.

[Red Band]

First time ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, your next bucket poll is bucket pole number two. Let's see what happens here as I bring up the comedian known simply as BC bc. Oh, there's the lovely bow with indeed bucket pole number two.

[Red Band]

Y' all ever look at fat people and start feeling bad for they shoes? Nah. Cause I was wearing a fucked up pair of New Balances. Leg kind of looks like you got a flat tire. Foot's hanging over the sole like a muffin top. I call them bitches off balances. Now we all see him waddling around looking like the Michelin man. And look, I love fat people. One of my best friends is fat, but he pissed me the fuck off the other Day because he was wearing. No, he wasn't wearing nothing. He was fucking getting out of his car and he kicked a bottle of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hershey Sy

[Red Band]

out of his car. And I'm like, bro, are you making chocolate milk in your car in this wet. God damn y', all. Bro. No, I had the right to make fun of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Shut the up BC over here.

[Red Band]

Got you. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello, how are you? Relax, Take a step over there. Get back on the KT over here. No, Tony. Tony, it's okay. Jesus. We need a fucking seatbelt for Tony Caruso over here. Hello. How are you?

[Red Band]

I'm doing okay. Tony, how you doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Very good. I think it's absolutely adorable. You look like a Down syndrome. Logan. Paul, this is incredible. Look at you.

[Red Band]

You look like both the pedophile and the undercover cop that's going to arrest him. Are you Adam Ray right now, dude? No. Are you bombing in front of 20, 000 people? I don't have a wig on, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

somehow it looks like you do. You. You look like you're wearing one of those wacky raccoon hats. Get more over there. I don't know why you keep coming up on us like that. Jesus Christ. Very good. Don't talk so much. Only speak when spoken to. How long you been attempting stand up comedy?

[Red Band]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years? Where at?

[Red Band]

Atlanta, Louisiana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Atlanta?

[Red Band]

Yes, sir. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. You guys don't like it. Atlanta. All right, we get it. You could. We got it, guys. Weird. Weird. Nashville's one of the greatest cities in the world, by the way. Let me tell you something. Take it from me, you guys are too great of a city to boo cities like Atlanta. You shouldn't even be concerned with them all. I get it. I would expect them to boo you, but I'm surprised that you boo them. Better cities are supposed to just be cool with other cities. You guys are good enough. I'll give you the encouragement that your parents did. You guys are good.

[Red Band]

I don't think they are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God, you're disgusting. It looks like your eyes are getting closer together as the interview goes on. He's slowly turning into a cyclops, ladies and gentlemen. Look out at that red light in the camera. Look at that.

[Red Band]

Look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You see that camera?

[Red Band]

So rude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, keep looking at the camera. Stop looking at us. I don't want you to look at us anymore. His bangs are growing and his eyes are getting closer together. This is absolutely a moment in Kill Tony history. Stop looking at us.

[Red Band]

I'm. I'm looking at you now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stop looking at us. Look out at the camera. I'm going to end the interview then. You stupid. Look at the camera. There you go, right there.

[Red Band]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you look at us again, I'm kicking you off the stage.

[Red Band]

You're mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just keep. Yep. Welcome. You signed up for it.

[Red Band]

If you know somebody with a weird neck tattoo and a tattoo on his knuckle and his eyes are too close together, call the number below 1800. It's down syndrome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Patrick Sway. Wow. Okay, Red band. Throwing in the second down syndrome joke on the same human. That's almost a record.

[Red Band]

Not redband.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Nobody likes you.

[Guest Comedians]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bc. Let's talk about it. What do you do for work?

[Red Band]

I'm a set builder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A what?

[Red Band]

A set builder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of sets are you building?

[Red Band]

Mainly commercials. Like, I, I've been working for Home Depot commercials the past like month and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most white trash thing about you, other than your smile?

[Red Band]

I smoked crap, Tony. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you really?

[Red Band]

I used to. Five years clean. No, no. Buzz kill, buzz kill, buzz kill. Crack is fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, more.

[Red Band]

Likable. There's something likable about him. I don't know what it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are saying he is likable.

[Red Band]

I wouldn't say I'd let him open for me, but buy him a hotel room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But he's, you know, I, I. Wow.

[Red Band]

There's something about you that I don't, I wanna, I don't know, you seem like you got some. Secrets aside. I did your breaks before. What's that? I did your brakes. What do you mean you did? Are you retarded? What do you mean you did my brakes? You fixed my brakes? Yeah, I ride a bird scooter. Quit lying to the crowd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bp. Before I let you go, anything interesting about your life other than the fact that you used to smoke crack?

[Red Band]

I lived in Hawaii for a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go. Here's a little joke book.

[Red Band]

Hey, I caught it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna keep it moving. Bp, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes, Tony. There we are, right on cue. Bucket pool number three. Indeed. We're doing something different here tonight. You guys like bucket pools? Well, here's the third one right down the barrel. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds uninterrupted from Jonathan Rachels. Jonathan Rachels.

[Red Band]

You know, it's kind of hard to gain people's respect when you look like Ari. Matty fucked MGK for his green card. But I was outside and this old guy stared at me. And I was thinking, this could go two ways he walks up to me, puts out his hand, he says, man, I thought you were one of them gays. And so I grabbed his hand and I pulled him real, real close and I said, I am one of them gays. Everybody thinks code switching is cool until you get around a group of gay people and then it's not so cool anymore. And that's my time. Thank you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Jonathan Rachels. Welcome to the show, Jonathan. Hell yeah, I love it.

[Red Band]

Yeah, I forgot everything they told me to do backstage, so my bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't even know what that means.

[Red Band]

Okay, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You mean like stay in one spot for the interview? What did they tell telling you?

[Red Band]

I forgot I said that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, but can you remember now? Is there any recollection? What are we telling people before they come on stage? What do we tell them?

[Red Band]

This is your show. You're supposed to know that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm not supposed to know that. You're supposed to know that, you hillbilly messed up piece of. Telling you these goddamn bucket pools are coming up with a attitude tonight. And you better kiss the throat. Bend the knee to your king pieces of goddamn. You're supposed to know what the bucket

[Red Band]

fools have to do. You're supposed to be a bucket fool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Piece of. I'm going to send you in BC to go do shitty karaoke on Broadway tonight.

[Red Band]

I. I sing a mean I write s not tragedies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, let's have some fun here. What do you do for work? What head shop do you sell skateboards at? Exactly.

[Red Band]

Hot Topic. Do you really for real? No, I do H Vac, yes sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Hell yeah, H vac. That makes sense because you suck. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. How long you been doing stand up?

[Red Band]

This is my first time ever doing stand up comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. Two people debuting in an arena only on kill. Tony, this show is crazy.

[Red Band]

You look like the lead singer the of Coldplay. Quit the band and got a job at Starbucks. That's a compliment. Dunkin Donuts? Better. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you look like that?

[Red Band]

Because I do H Vac.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

Okay, but seriously, I'm a black sheep. That's pretty much why. Yeah, my whole family dresses like you, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

What the does that mean at home right now, Andrew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, wait.

[Red Band]

Gay for real? Absolutely not. But I can't be. Don't say it definitively, Abs. If you're asking, I can be. I. I could do better. Suck his dick. Suck his dick. Suck his dick. Suck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go.

[Red Band]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go. Live from the Bridgestone Arena.

[Red Band]

You know how many women I just made jealous right now? You look like Paul Wall on Ozempic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn.

[Red Band]

Meet Davidson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. It is an interesting look. I think what's standing out to me is it looks like you have hair growing over a tattoo. Am I seeing that correctly up there?

[Red Band]

You absolutely are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you have. Did you get a tattoo on like a bald head and then grow your hair in afterwards?

[Red Band]

So my family has like a receding hairline, so before it happened to me, I was like that and shaved my head and tattooed it, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what, you went to Turkey and got the operation over the tattoo?

[Red Band]

Dude, I wish I was born with a really small dick. So I've been. I've been trying since I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. There's not a dick enhancement operation or Red band would be in the hospital right now. Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Wait, which one of your tattoos is like the coolest tattoo? Okay, I love that you asked that. So my ex got the same tattoo of me and so instead of covering it up, I have. Do not get matching tattoos with dumb wow. Dick arrow pointed to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So.

[Red Band]

Wow. Not bad. That's pretty good. I also have a knee slapper. It says you crack me up. That's pretty good. Yeah, you don't have to tell that one out loud, but yeah, the first one's pretty cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun, Jonathan, when you're not doing whatever it is that you do? H Vac. You don't. This is your first time doing stand up. You must have some hobbies.

[Red Band]

No, man, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You mean to tell me your entire personality is guy with tattoos?

[Red Band]

Dude, I'm a. I'm like the most famous person at my local Circle K. I just want you to know that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

That's a big deal. Yeah, he's let people his ear gauge

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for a dollar in the parking lot.

[Red Band]

Kit Kats are expensive. What's your favorite thing to get at Circle K? Don't think, just answer. You're at Circle K now. What are you buying? Go to buy at Circle K. I'm sorry, right? Water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Good question. Tony Caruso. We love it when Tony off. Why don't you ask four follow up questions to the Circle K thing? All right. Okay, Jonathan. Well, okay. Well, go drink some water, buddy. There's a little joke book. Oh, wow. Mr. Cool Guy with the tattoos with the ear gauges. You're from Nashville. Jesus, you're from Nashville. From Augusta, Georgia. There he goes.

[Red Band]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Red Band]

Boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Augusta, everybody. There you go. A city

[Red Band]

I still stand by my circle K question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you, Tony. We got a replay of him trying to look cool, catching the joke book and not. Okay, well, let's move on to a golden ticket winner. Ladies and gentlemen, your first of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy has been going through a lot lately and he is here for you. His first time in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee. One of the legendary golden ticket winners of the show. It's been a while. This is a new minute from Aaron Belial.

[Red Band]

I've been in hospitals all week with no insurance because I'm going blind in my left eye. And they're like, it's not pink eye, it's not glaucoma. Did you get acid in your eye? Do I look like someone who is allowed to work with acid? No, you idiot. I ate a tide pod, bruh. God just doesn't like me. He saw me minding my own business and thought, fuck, I missed a spot on the left side. I've been trying to figure out American healthcare and I don't get it. You can get pet insurance for like $80 a month. Month. And it covers 90%. You save like $6,000 a year to be a fucking Chihuahua. You know what? Maybe those teenagers with litter boxes in school are fucking genius. People already talk to me loud and cute. They pat my head. I'm gonna get pet insurance and identify as a fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Belial.

[Red Band]

So if you see my girlfriend walking me around on a leash, it isn't a kink. I just didn't like my hmo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah. The one eyed king Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Rocking a new eye patch just when shit couldn't get any more fucked up. This is absolutely incredible. This is like if fucking someone took Dale Earnhardt's car and that he wrecked and then knocked a headlight out for no reason after the fact. This is just incredible. The already broken the. The brand, the king of the show comes up unable to speak.

[Red Band]

Yeah, I was already up enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, God already took all the consonants from you. And then he took an eye. It's like a bad, bad Wheel of Fortune episode. Tony. Yeah.

[Red Band]

I've been to five American doctors in a week and I have no health insurance and I quit my job. But I'm able to pay for all the doctors in cash just with the money I make as a comedian. I appreciate the out of all of this. You could just push me down a hill, but instead you allow me to get rich by making fun of you. And I love Getting rich. Making fun of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you know what it is? It's an eye for an eye around here. Kill Tony and thank you.

[Red Band]

Now, when do I get my new Corvette, Daddy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right. Keep dreaming, Captain Hook. I mean, I don't know. I think. I think Halloween is right around the corner for you.

[Red Band]

You son of a bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God damn it.

[Red Band]

Who is that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How dare you. Oh, God, he's typing so fast. Oh, he's making some kind of crazy noise. He's got something up his sleeve.

[Red Band]

I'm a pirate. He's a mud pirate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you son of a. Oh, you son of a. Sit down, Tony. Sit down. Oh, God. They're all on their feet. Oh, my God. My God. How dare you call me a. You son of a. Okay. What do you got something for red band. What are you pointing at?

[Red Band]

People keep telling me I look like Matt Rife and I get offended for you. Can you believe these? I look like you if your mom used a coat hanger. Yeah. Oh, my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Wow. The caruso jacket of prot action.

[Red Band]

He's a good looking guy. I'm on it. You got boy band looks. You look like liam payne.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now.

[Red Band]

We take that jacket, it's going to fall off for sure. I am too young to get that joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Well, Aaron, I mean, so funny, man. What else is going on in life? Everything else good. You doing good? Other than the whole eye and arm and walk and voice and Canadian thing. This is just a Canadian. By the way, there's no real ailments.

[Red Band]

It's actually Adam Ray. This is your. This is your worst character, Adam. Hey, hurry up. I got to take a. Oh, I don't. I don't like the energy. All right. He made that weird laugh that scares kids. It's gonna be good. You look like you sheep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. No, I think he's talking to you, Tony.

[Red Band]

Who is that for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's for you.

[Red Band]

Oh, sounds like somebody's jealous they can't get into the petting zoo on weekends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think he gets in for first. If Aaron could a sheep, he probably would. But the sheep's like, what the. Is this thing coming at me? I'm going to get out of here.

[Red Band]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a one eyed monster pretty fast. Oh, okay.

[Red Band]

It took you that long to type that? Son of a. I got you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. If Matt Rife loses an eye next. Whoa. Okay.

[Red Band]

He took away Spider Man. Spider. Oh, that is cold blooded. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aaron Belial, your energy and your positive attitude. Is a goddamn headwind in this. Make some goddamn noise for Aaron Belial, everybody. There you go, The lovely Heidi, everyone. For those of you trying to get your sweat and your dicks out of your stomach after watching five minutes of Aaron Belial, there's Heidi as a little refresher of what an American looks like, not a one eyed Canadian savage. Back to the bucket we go. We having fun tonight. Here we go. Another innocent soul signed up for the opportunity. This is a minute uninterrupted by Jeremiah Maltese. Jeremiah Maltese or Maltese perhaps. Jeremiah Maltese. Jeremiah Maltese one more time for Jeremiah Maltez.

[Red Band]

Thank you. It's 2025 and there seems to still be a lot of gender confusion, but I think I'm actually racially confused. Yeah, yeah. I've been with. I've been with one black woman in my life and I don't know, I mean, I've been with a few halvesies, but all the black friends in my life, you know, they tell me that it doesn't count. Apparently there's a threshold of blackness. You know, there's like Taylor Swift, Beyonce and Whoopi Goldberg and, I mean, I guess I just didn't hit the mark. I don't know. But what's funny, the funny thing is the nigger bar seems to be a lot lower than the actual black bar. So, like, people my whole life have told me that I'm not black, but I say all the time and nobody gives a look at Puerto Ricans. Fat Joe. Fat Joe says in just about every one of his songs, nobody gives a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Jeremiah Maltez, welcome to the show. How are you?

[Red Band]

I'm doing pretty good. Good. I'm doing pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Red Band]

This is my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Your first time doing stand up? What made you want to start here today?

[Red Band]

It's, well, it's very funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, is. You should have done that part during your minute. Then

[Red Band]

Donald Trump gave me a seven month vacation and I get fired at the end of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What did you do for work?

[Red Band]

I worked for the government.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do for the government?

[Red Band]

I did like systems maintenance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. How were you working from. Okay, shut up. Jesus Christ. Were you working from home?

[Red Band]

I was working from home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were getting away with murder?

[Red Band]

I guess so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On the taxpayers dollar.

[Red Band]

I was doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are finding out right here, live in real time that the reigning, defending President of the United States, United States, got you to stop stealing money from us.

[Red Band]

Thank you, Joe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're welcome, Mr. President.

[Red Band]

I voted for Trump.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, thank God you did. Here's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along here. A lot of first timers here tonight. We're going to keep it moving. Make some noise for your fifth bucket pool, Stefan Ramirez. We're just going to fly through the. This one. Stefan Ramirez. Yeah. Bucket bull number five. Okay.

[Red Band]

When I was a boy, I thought Metallica was a Christian rock band because they have the Enter Sandman song with the prayer, I thought to myself, maybe

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

my uncle still has a chance of getting into heaven.

[Red Band]

Sure, he beats his wife and sells drugs to kids, but at least he sings the prayer. I called in and checked in on him recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Murder suicide

[Red Band]

wasn't really the fairy tale ending I was hoping for. I don't hang around gay dudes. Not that I don't like them. I do. I just don't want to buckle under queer pressure and do something I don't want to do. I don't want to go buy hair gel. I don't want to sip coffee out of a mug with a sassy phrase on it. Being gay sounds expensive and I don't got money, but if a gay dude offers me some Lululemon shorts, I'll suck that dick to China.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. The crowd liked it. They're very interesting selections here tonight. Stefan Ramirez, how long you been doing stand up?

[Red Band]

Under a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Under a year? Where at?

[Red Band]

Here in Nashville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. This is where you're born and raised?

[Red Band]

No, I'm from Canada originally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where in Canada? Ooh la la. Where?

[Red Band]

Alberta. Calgary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, very good. The home of Brett the Hitman Hart. Tony Caruso.

[Red Band]

Well, it's interesting that you're from such a progressive place like Canada because you look like the guy who gave the money to the kid who shot up the school to buy the gun. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. A lot of math there. You look like the guy that gave the money to the guy that went to the gun store and then purchased.

[Red Band]

Look, this Red Bull is laced with fentanyl. BC did it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, step in. Ramirez, what do you do for work exactly? You look like you inhale some type of toxic fumes at a job. Am I right?

[Red Band]

Every now and then, yes. I'm in construction.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What exactly do you do in construction?

[Red Band]

Specifically? Renovations, new builds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay. And what made you want to start standup comedy? I've always. I've been a fan since 2018 from

[Red Band]

your show and certain podcasts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In the past year. How often do you go to, like, open mics and stuff to Practice and perform.

[Red Band]

I try to do as as many as I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Zany's just actually has a new open mic. They opened a new room here in Nashville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So the lab is now connected to Zany's, one of the great comedy clubs in the world, which is here in Nashville, Tennessee.

[Red Band]

So I get out as much as I can. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. How much is. How often is that?

[Red Band]

I try to get once a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. At least. All right. What's your love life like?

[Red Band]

Married, three children.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. How old are your kids?

[Red Band]

We got eight, five and three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all boys, all girls. What's the first?

[Red Band]

Two boys and then this girl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Very interesting stuff. And what's a fun fact about your life that we'd be interested in? Interested to know about you?

[Red Band]

I once upon a time had a part time job as a cremator.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, go on.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band thinks that's the guy that puts cream on cakes. Very excited. I can see a full erection here. How was that? Did you enjoy that?

[Red Band]

It was weird. It was just a job to fill. To fill some time and earn some extra money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No experience needed. You ever grab a tip before you burn them?

[Red Band]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good question. Do you ever grab a tit if it of a dead female corpse?

[Red Band]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before you burn them?

[Red Band]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would you tell us if you did?

[Red Band]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you wouldn't?

[Red Band]

No. Is it illegal or you just chose not to be? Fun. You got to find out how certain people die every now and then. How it's like written on their like certificate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What's a weird one that you saw?

[Red Band]

We had this one lady, she was probably 25 years old, and she put her head in a circular saw, chop saw.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And just.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let me ask you this. When you're doing that job, is it kind of just like a wooden box?

[Red Band]

Yeah. Sometimes they're like beautiful caskets. Sometimes they're cardboard boxes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Red Band]

And yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever take one of the cardboard boxes and just like do something fun? You ever peek in it?

[Red Band]

Well, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You?

[Red Band]

Yeah. That's what you ever use the ashes for a shuffleboard? You do sometimes find things in the furnace after people are cremated because they want to be buried with their dolls and stuff. So there's like porcelain dolls sometimes in the ashes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's scary. You open it, you think there's a little baby in there. Yeah.

[Red Band]

You ever find something like a fidget spinner or a butt plug or something like a Beyblade? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there ever things left behind that were like in their Body like a bullet or a.

[Red Band]

Like certain dentures and whatnot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's creepy, too.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's funny because. But both a set of teeth and a porcelain doll would be two of the most frightening things to open up me. Like. Oh, God.

[Red Band]

I've seen. I've seen both those.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yikes. Yeah. Incredible. Well, that's interesting. Indeed. I like you in the interview. That was definitely, you know, something. Here's a medium joke book.

[Red Band]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good job, Stefan Ramirez. You know, we have knocked out five bucket bulls and a golden ticket winner already. And now is a time in which something very special will happen, because, ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is from Nashville, Tennessee. She's an absolute icon of kill Tony. An absolute shining star. This is a brand new minute from the one and only, the great and powerful Fion.

[Guest Comedians]

Oh, my God. Hell yeah. Okay, so did y' all know there is a hierarchy within the disabled community? No, it's true. Like, the harder it is for you to go to the bathroom by yourself, the more street cred you have. The Crips or whatever. Like, if I see some. Okay. And a rented scooter, she's holding the door for me. Like tony said, I am from here.

[Red Band]

And.

[Guest Comedians]

Being in the south, though, y' all say this to me all the fucking time. Hey, you know, God gives his. His toughest battles to his strongest warriors. You heard this? Yeah. Well, from where I'm sitting, You all are looking like a bunch of pussies to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fiona Cauley, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. I mean, an unbelievable set yet again. Absolutely incredible in front of your own home field advantage here at the Bridgestone arena in Nashville, Tennessee. Incredible. You've done it again. How do you feel?

[Guest Comedians]

Disabled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's perfect. Perfect answer. You're right in the sweet spot of the show. I gave you a good spot, much like your parking situation.

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, that's how I dropped my fiance. Honestly, just dangle that parking decal in front of him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

Manor sluts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Spot digger. That's what we call that. An old spot digger instead of a gold digger. Yeah, he's digging for a spot. One of those front row hoes, you know what I mean?

[Red Band]

Hell, yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

Mother r the blue or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of those next to the door. One of the those. All right.

[Guest Comedians]

I liked it. You were in a roll with me, Ocean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Fetch. Fetch your crusher. I love it. So what else is going on in life, Fiona?

[Guest Comedians]

It's so fucking good right now, which I feel like when stuff is good, you kind of think about the best.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

Does that make sense?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Guest Comedians]

There's something I haven't told you about I thought would be fun. Yeah.

[Red Band]

You can walk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That would be the greatest twist ever.

[Guest Comedians]

You got up and started the next episode.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If she started dancing and running off the stage like Tony Caruso. Just like

[Red Band]

M. Night Shyamalan over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Guest Comedians]

I know we recently talked about the engagements. Not always. Good. Okay. I used to date this guy, and he had a thing where he would piss in Mason jars.

[Red Band]

Hold on.

[Guest Comedians]

And keep them, like, lined around his fucking bedroom. Okay. I didn't, like, realize what it's. Cause he didn't want to walk down the stairs to use the bathroom. And I fucking butt scooted down the stairs. I'm a lady. But one time, I was unaware these were full of piss. And I was gonna fuck him. And as one does. And I fell on the bed in a cold jar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A cold jar of piss fell on your head?

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Were you a redhead before that?

[Guest Comedians]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It could have some type of, like, lemon. Lemon juice effect, perhaps?

[Red Band]

I love that. Can you send me a link to that? A link? Like an Internet? Yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

Oh, yeah.

[Red Band]

That sucks. Wait, so how many.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me stop you there.

[Red Band]

Go ahead, Matt R. How was the moonshine? What did it have? It. Did it have a tang to it?

[Guest Comedians]

Hey, it tasted better than it smelled.

[Red Band]

Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm kidding.

[Red Band]

No, you're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, there might be something to this. Your condition again. What's it called?

[Guest Comedians]

Free drinks at Taxia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have they researched piss being poured on the head of people that have gotten this before?

[Guest Comedians]

It's where it all started. Oh, my God. That's like a fourleaf clover to my people. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah, I'm fine, Tony. Red band also has Mason jars of piss.

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, you look like a Mason, Jer.

[Red Band]

Yeah, that's not a compliment. Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Red Band]

Do your wheelchairs come in different flavors?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great question, Tony.

[Red Band]

Like orange? Like, do you get another. Like, do you get to pick the color, or was this just what they gave you?

[Guest Comedians]

It's one color. It's kind of a bold choice to be the only one.

[Red Band]

I love it.

[Guest Comedians]

I don't know what to do for the wedding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the wedding. You know, this wedding. I'm just telling you right now, I can just picture so many amazing things happening. I am using our account on DraftKings. You using the promo code Kill Tony, Just to let you know. And I am betting on the fact that whoever is closest to the back of the wheelchair will be the one that catches the bouquet at the wedding. I see it going perhaps as short as three to four feet. It's going to be one of the. Yeah, it's going to be.

[Guest Comedians]

It's not a toss. It's a drop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure the back wheel of your chair is going to be catching that bouquet at the wedding. Yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Fiona, you are an absolute killer. You are charismatic. You are beautiful, you're cool as fuck. Everybody loves you. You started a new podcast, you told me. With your fiance, Matt Taylor. Congratulations. That's very ramp.

[Guest Comedians]

Ramping up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ramping up is the name of the podcast.

[Guest Comedians]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's with a guy named Matt Taylor.

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, a good one. There's a bad one. I heard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't. We don't know. No, we don't know. What are we talking about? Some guy named Matt Taylor right now?

[Guest Comedians]

He gets brought up constantly. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Has it ever been brought up in an arena on the biggest comedy show in the world?

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, good point.

[Red Band]

I'll. You see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Very good. Absolutely amazing. Fiona, we love you. You have done it yet again. How about one more time for Fiona Cauley? An absolute crusher. Killing it. Fiona Cauley, ladies and gentlemen. She was with a guy that peed in Mason jars. A fun fact. In fact, he now pees in toilets, and she pees in Mason jars. Oh, how life hits you fast sometimes. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going back to the bucket. How do we like that idea?

[Red Band]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

60 seconds uninterrupted for bucket poll number six. Goes by the name of Dustin Callahan. Dustin Callahan is next on Hilt.

[Red Band]

Cody. What's up, Nashville? I grew up in the projects as one of five white kids. I went to an all black school. What they don't tell you when you go to an all black school is when you get that yearbook. It's the worst Where's Waldo ever. They're, like, right there. So I didn't look like anybody growing up. So a girl in high school one time told me I looked like Kevin Bacon from Footloose. I got real excited. I rushed home. I asked Jeeves, who's Kevin Bacon? Because I'm older than Google, and when I saw his goofy ass face, I've never wanted to fight a bitch so hard in my life. So a couple weeks ago, I did one of those 23andMe DNA tests. Turns out I'm transgender. I was born male, but I grew these tits when I got fat. No, I'm just kidding. I'm Irish. And Native American. So we got a lot of DUIs in my family. Thank you. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Dustin Callahan making his Kill Tony debut. Welcome to the show, Dustin.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you look? Like all three pawn stars at once.

[Red Band]

Well, it takes a lot of effort, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is absolutely incredible what I'm seeing and feeling from you. You look like you run some kind of fucking hot dog eating competition or something like that. Or a participant or something. What do you do for a living with a look like this?

[Red Band]

I'm a civil engineer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A civil engineer? Well, that's an odd job. Okey dokey. It's an old Bond reference from 30 years ago that I shouldn't have said. Yeah. Okay. What exactly do you do as a civil engineer?

[Red Band]

So I oversee a construction site and I'm the middleman between the contractor and the engineers that designed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Better to be a middleman there than on an airplane. Am I right? You don't want to be stuck next to this guy. What's your favorite airline to fly? Southwest. Anyway. No, go ahead. What do you do for fun?

[Red Band]

Watch a lot of comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. When you're not watching comedy, what do you like to do?

[Red Band]

I like to go out and go on hikes and stuff, believe it or not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Rife. What do you think about his hiking? Lies this to something you just. He just puts on a dating site bio.

[Red Band]

I think you look like Kirby swallowed Kevin James. Pretty. You have such a good energy about you, dude. Thank you. I can tell you're a very nice person. Yeah, I am a nice person. Stop it. Where's your favorite place to hike? What do you like? I like Radner Lake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Red Band]

It's near here. It's a local spot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There must be a lot of ice cream shops around that lake.

[Red Band]

Not anymore. Covid took them out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I'm surprised Covid didn't take you out. A very interesting shape to you. Your legs are shorter than your torso.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

From waist and neck. You are bigger than your legs. Much bigger. It is incredible.

[Red Band]

It's like Hank Hill off A King of the Hill. You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is an anomaly.

[Red Band]

Yeah. You look like a guy that puts syrup on ketchup.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Yeah.

[Red Band]

But you're. You're very likable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank Tony G. So pointing out people's likability.

[Red Band]

I'm a big. I'm a big. That's the first thing I look for in a comedian. It's a likability factor. Even though you dress like you play trombone in the Mighty Mighty Boss don't, which is a Compliment. That's a tough gig to get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Looks like he plays in the Mighty, Mighty kidney stones. Do you have any hobbies other than comedy and watching comedy and going on fake hikes?

[Red Band]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's nothing you look forward to once a year? The county fair or something?

[Red Band]

I like going to the Marine Corps Birthday ball when it comes to up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, you are shaped like a birthday ball. What exactly is the Marine Corps Birthday Ball? Can explain it for the people, the. The. The non.

[Red Band]

The Marine veterans in active duty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you a Marine veteran?

[Red Band]

I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, there you go. That would have been something to say early on. Look at that. Oh, put the hat back on.

[Red Band]

What a surprise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did. What did you do in the Marines?

[Red Band]

I was a water engineer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A water engineer?

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, who better than a weather balloon for that job? My goodness gracious.

[Red Band]

Wait, he said. Somebody said. Who said you look like Kevin Bacon. Some girl in high school. You sure she wasn't referring to Bernie Bacon? The guy who set the record for you the most Bacon in one day? Is that a real guy? Yeah. Google it. I don't know who that is. We'll cut this out. What is your. What is your. What's the last time you did stand up before tonight? Last Thursday. How'd that go? It went good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, stand up is hard. And for him, standing up is hard. You could tell he's a marine cuz every time he tries to stand up, he goes o. He's got short legs and a big body. You're carrying around a lot of weight. How are your knees?

[Red Band]

Well, the right one shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See, I knew that.

[Red Band]

So I'll stand on this leg a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Yep. Hell yeah. Okay. Have you ever always worn those kind of hats or is that your thing? Like I do to clair hats?

[Red Band]

Last night I didn't wear a hat, but tonight they were like, put the hat on. I was like, okay, great story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's they?

[Red Band]

The comedians in the comedian section.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The comedians talking you into putting the hat on?

[Red Band]

Yes. Let's see it without it. Can I see without it? Yeah. All right, never mind. Never mind. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. You kind of have a tiny head, too. You are misshapen. It is incredible. Short legs, big body, long arms, tiny head. All right, I love it. What do you guys think? Big joke book. How many of you think a little joke book? Buck. How many you think a big joke? Buck. Dustin Callahan.

[Red Band]

Thank you, Nashville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. All right. On to another very, very, very, very, very special treat. See, because we went through so many bucket pools early in the show now you get special treats more often. Isn't that exciting? I present to you one of the greatest regulars in the history history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, a once in a generation talent. An absolute juggernaut. A superstar found, discovered and molded here in the kil Tony universe. This is the great and powerful Cam Patterson.

[Red Band]

This today. Today's. Today's a pretty good day, man, but it's been pretty weird for me, dawg. I got a homegirl that's in the hospital right now because her boyfriend had beat her and she got like a black eye and she got some broken ribs and a fucked up leg. And she was telling me how she felt. Like the whole world around her was like coming down and she didn't know how to feel. And I just asked her, I said, well, what did we learn? And then she went, don't. Your boyfriend's favorite comedian, he hit that with a bag of rocks. That's crazy, dog. That's all I got. I'm getting out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. 50 plus seconds from cam Patterson.

[Red Band]

And that was it, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds like a true story to me.

[Red Band]

Now that really happened. Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

look at this sweet, sweet cowboy looking. Looking like.

[Red Band]

Look at him. Look at the boots, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sweatpants with boots is the most ratchet I've ever seen.

[Red Band]

But it's hard, though. This is why Beyonce didn't win. Look at the boots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Howdy.

[Red Band]

Hat, Blazing saddles. Was that the gay movie? That's not the gay movie, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Red Band]

As long as it wasn't the gay movie, I'm happy. I'm good, dog. It's good. You look like crooks. And done what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lil Nas Xon.

[Red Band]

No. No. Okay, that's better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ex Conway 20. Come on, Johnny. Who stole my cash?

[Red Band]

Dolly Parton in the black guy. Darius Rucker. Who are these people, though? That's a regular guy. That's a real guy. That's a regular.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a real black guy.

[Red Band]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Darius Rucker. I'm sorry. I apologize. Yeah, right down the middle there, right? That's your Darius Rucker apology camp. I apologize. My real. I'm so sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keith from the urban neighborhood.

[Red Band]

I like my boots. My boots is clean. I got taller. I'm taller in these boots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you got the horses in the back.

[Red Band]

I like that one. I like that one. That was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Red Band]

That was my favorite one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like broke Black Mountain.

[Red Band]

No. You know what's crazy? I'm never dressing up on this show ever again. Dressed up to the Knives in my finest boots. Now I'm getting called a bunch of gay slurs and everybody up. Little Nas X up Black cowboys for us, man. Toby Keith. Your son Away from my daughter, Y'. All actually Wynonna Thug.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, this is fun.

[Red Band]

That. Keep going. I like these.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is fun.

[Red Band]

Unfaithful Hill. I'm never wearing a cowboy hat again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dog Scary Underwood.

[Red Band]

Dolly pardoned. That was good. That was good. That was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great.

[Red Band]

I spent too much on this to be called all these mean names.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Willie rape my daughter. Nelson.

[Red Band]

Wait a minute. That was even. No, no, no, no. Garthe. What's your credit like Brooks. Okay, that's better. It got better. It got better. We back, we back. We back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kenny Rogers. Rogers. Chicken.

[Red Band]

No. Thank y' all for having some integrity. God damn. About time. It took 12 of them. You pieces of the Hennessy of Tennessee. That was good. That was good. I like that one. All right. Call me that. Yeah. Damn. The Hennessy of Tennessee. That's good. I like that one. That's good. Good. That's better. That's better. I like that one. That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Alan Blackson.

[Red Band]

Okay, you're losing them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Smashing grab mouth.

[Red Band]

That's not even fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band. Red band. Save it for the comedians. Hit a sound effect. Red Band. Jesus Christ.

[Red Band]

Are y' all booing Red, man? That's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's fun when you get to hear what they think of your jokes, isn't it?

[Red Band]

And I was evil.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It.

[Red Band]

That's good, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Red Band]

This is great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You love Nashville.

[Red Band]

Oh, Nashville is dope, man. I like Nashville a lot, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Hell, yeah. Like, now. Nashville is great, man. Hell yeah. Bachelorette party. I said this last night. Bachelorette party should all die. But besides that, I have a great city. Nice city.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Red Band]

I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dustin Lynched.

[Red Band]

Okay, okay. That's a Jim Crow. I was just saying that happened this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

George Straight Foreman.

[Red Band]

Okay. I'm never wearing a cowboy hat again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Muling.

[Red Band]

Y' all missed Crip Stapleton.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? That was good.

[Red Band]

Hey, you know what? I want to. I want to throw this hat into the crowd. But it was $400. Mark this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Luther King, Pink Floyd, Mayweather. It's not really country.

[Red Band]

I don't know a lot of these people. Y' all naming. That's what's me up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know, I know. I'm looking up the 100 greatest country artists. What about.

[Red Band]

What about do something with Morgan Wallen? I like Morgan Wallen. Do something with Morgan Wallen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Morgan Ballin.

[Red Band]

I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, they don't like Morgan Wallen. Interesting.

[Red Band]

What y' all do like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

None.

[Red Band]

Oh, I. Wait, no. Tony, Tony, Tony. Wait, wait. They love me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Whoa,

[Red Band]

wait. I got one. I can't believe we haven't even thought of it. Kid. Kid Rock lock. Nope. Oh, I still left on the hat throw. That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Red Band]

We'll cut it. We'll cut it out. You cut that in post. We got to cut that. Was that. Was that really a 400 hat? You. It got Rockstar on it, too. It's fine. It's whatever. Yeah. Lady got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Red Band]

Hell, yeah. You find me, I'll sign it for you, too. If you find me. For sure. Real

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

shit.

[Red Band]

What are the. What are the material of the boots? This Ostrich.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wait a second.

[Red Band]

You know, I used to hunt ostrich. What? I used to hunt ostrich. It's a fun. It's a fun animal to shoot. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. He's wearing ostrich boots and fried chicken socks. Ladies and gentlemen, it's absolute

[Red Band]

smash and grab.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mouth.

[Red Band]

You guys didn't like that one. You already.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Already.

[Red Band]

That was terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam, you did it again. Another new minute. So much fun. We love you. Thanks for crushing as always and giving us something fun to make jokes with. He's turning country, folks. One more time for Cam Patterson. And now we go to bucket pool number seven. See what happens here with the comedy stylings of Robbie, ladies and gentlemen. Robbie is next on Kill. Tony. Robbie. Here's Robbie, everybody. One more time for Robbie. One more time for Robbie, everybody.

[Red Band]

I don't understand why sometimes subjects are okay to talk about and sometimes they're not. Like the size of a woman's vagina. I was at work the other night and Becky runs in and says, tasha's in labor. She's at six centimeters. And a half hour later she's like, she's at seven centimeters. I'm like, man, she's talking about how large this woman's vagina. Vagina is in nine months ago when I was telling everybody how this soon to be single mother's vagina was so tight. I have to go see HR that doesn't make any sense. She will be a singer mother because I will not have any more kids. I've got three. They're disappointing enough. I have a atheist lesbian daughter and a daughter that dates a Mexican. And I don't know what's worth the one that's going to. To the godless dyke that's not going to go to heaven with me or the one that's coming Catholic. I also have a son and that's my minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Robbie, how long you been doing standup?

[Red Band]

About a minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, yeah. This is your first time as well. A lot of first timers here tonight. Night. Very interesting. What made you choose tonight to start?

[Red Band]

Because this was closer than Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did you think about.

[Red Band]

I've been planning on doing a minute at Austin and this was closer, so I pulled the trigger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you think about trying at an open mic, perhaps, instead of an arena and in front of millions of viewers at home?

[Red Band]

I considered it. But I also like the idea of saying first time ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure you like the idea of saying that. Is it something that you're going to continue to do now that you've done is.

[Red Band]

I am a lot cooler in front of a crowd than I thought I would be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work?

[Red Band]

I have two jobs. I do custom cabinetry and I cook at a restaurant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. He's a co cook and he makes cabinets. Very interesting. Tell us a fun fact about your life that we'd be surprised to know about you. You're here.

[Red Band]

I'm not very interesting, I don't guess. I used to be in a band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What did you do in the band?

[Red Band]

I played bass. I. They only got successful after I left, so I. I guess I was probably the anchor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense.

[Red Band]

Yeah. They.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

I'm not very good at this part of it, am I?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

When did you decide to cut your own hair? Is it the. Is it the scar? Is that the. It's a little. It's a little piece up top. That's got me curious. That's the worst man bun I've ever seen. I got rained on on the way in. I don't know if you noticed tonight, but there was not good weather after the signups, and so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we've been in here, here. Okay, Robbie, Here you go. There's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving. Thank you, Robbie. We're going to keep it moving.

[Red Band]

I thought that was the lead singer of Smash Mouth for a minute. Too soon?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. All right, all right. Like I said, we knocked out a bunch of bucket pools. Now the place will go wild as I bring to the stage another one of the greatest regulars in the show's entire history. This young man on such a patriotic night is as excited as possible to hopefully one day become the newest citizen of the United States of America. A true, fully fledged rock star that goes by the name of the Estonian assassin.

[Red Band]

Ari. Matty. I love nashville. There is one problem, though. Last time I was in Nashville, I was at a house party talking to bitches. And I was talking to this girl. Things were going great. Nothing creepy, a little smooch, you know, I didn't touch the pussy, but I felt the heat, you know what I'm saying? And then some dude at the party behind me pulls out a guitar. All guys, all guys know this feeling. You're talking to a girl at a party and then you hear that, you're like, fuck, there goes my pussy. Fuck your guitar. Play that shit at home. I know what you're trying to do. I don't trust any guy who's good at something. I know what you're doing, you fucking creep. And I get it. Listen, I get. Bitches love the guitar. It's a romantic instrument. If I had a guitar, I would pull it out right now. You know, I'm Estonian. We didn't grow up on the guitar. Eastern Europeans, we grew up on the accordion. You ever hear an accordion? It literally sounds like communism. If you put your ear close enough to an accordion, you can literally hear it go. There is never enough bread. You don't get wet to an accordion. You fucking kill yourself to one. Thank you so much, Ari.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matty. His reputation for doing twice as much work as he has to continues with a new 2 minute and 5 seconds. Debuted right here at the Bridgestone arena in Nashville, Tennessee. I gotta tell you, you keep dressing like that, citizenship is right around the corner. Look at that.

[Red Band]

A year ago at an open mic. Look at me now. Matt R. Shiny my shoes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of the top grossing ticket selling comedians of last year. Shining your shoes.

[Red Band]

Listen, Matt, I gotta tell you something. I usually never know if a man is handsome. You know, when a girl goes, he's handsome, like, what the fuck you talking about? Looks like Shrek. But you, Matt, I gotta tell you, whatever gender you wanna be, I'm gonna fuck that gender, dude. Dude, all I'm saying is your transition would be cheap. You throw a wig on this motherfucker, got 10 out of 10. Dude, don't you flirt with me. I jerked off to you three times in Nosferatu. You were good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Red Band]

You're a beautiful man. God damn,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love this.

[Red Band]

So symmetric. Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really is undeniable.

[Red Band]

If Hitler only had you. What? If Hitler only had you. You're the poster boy for a symmetrical blue eyed. I follow Kanye. Let's see what happens. See what happens? See how the music goes?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a little Accordion. I told Red Band to make sure it makes sense when he hits the accordion button. And that's the moment that he went with everybody. He's coming off a slight hangover. We were at Kid Rock's bar last night and we locked, left and we left and we forgot Red Band. And he thought we were still there for another two hours without looking. So he stayed at Kid Rock's bar until the wee hours of the night. And then he yelled at us for leaving him at Kid Rock's bar. How can you leave me? We argued about it the whole drive here from the hotel. I said, you have to stay with the group. We can't leave you. And he goes, Oh, all right. So, all right, sorry. Let's talk about it. Because this city really is special, you know, I. We love Austin. It's its own thing. And every day of the year we have fun there. It could be a random ass Sunday. God save you if you're there on a Monday. Tuesdays are unbelievable for their own reasons. Wednesdays in Austin are their own thing. But every time this crew comes to Nash Nashville, we talk about the word residency. Comes up the word let's stay a couple extra days comes up the words let's hang out. Love the food, love the vibe, love the people, love the music, love the stores, love the energy, love the tornadoes. We love the tornadoes.

[Red Band]

This was a tornado, dude. We're having a tornado party tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is the show really a show if you didn't hear fucking and tornado sirens beforehand, you know what I mean?

[Red Band]

That was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is rock and roll.

[Red Band]

I got a room. Room 216 at the Laquita Inn in Memphis tonight. Tornado party.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Little three hour drive to Tony Caruso's party.

[Red Band]

Well, thanks for the room, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So what's your favorite part of national feel? So.

[Red Band]

Well, today I was by. Dude, that tornado warning. Did. Did your phones go off too crazy? Cuz in Austin all I have is Amber alert. It's just pedophile. It's always San Antonio, actually. Yeah, yeah, San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody gets always Latinos trying to kidnap their kid that they want more visitation rights to. It's not actual like pedophiles. It's always a couple arguing over their kids. Just a fun fact. If you're wondering why there's so many.

[Red Band]

It is funny that when you see an Amber alert and it says like the lady's name last scene with the kid, it's always like, oh, it's a mother trying to reconnect with his child. And every Time you see a fucking dude, you're like, yep, he's him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's stick to the accordion for a little bit here.

[Red Band]

Yeah. It was like that tornado came. Like, it was literally 90. I was by the pool with another guy. Chilly Willy. 90 seconds later, dude, we're on the. At the hotel. The rooftop bar, dude. A chair. I don't know where it went. Killed. Somebody just flew off. Morgan Wallen. Yeah. With another guy. Literally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look.

[Red Band]

That was Fiona's chair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because a tornado, for context, to the worldwide watchers, is a pretty American thing.

[Red Band]

Never seen anything. I've never seen a launch. I thought, poltergeist, guys. The lawn chair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Flew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

And then a guy working for a hotel goes out there, fights the lawn chair back. I'm like, miguel, get back here, dude. This is why you need immigrants, dude. Only an immigrant will run and get a lawn chair that ain't his. Ain't no American going out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Well, Ari, Maddie, we're gonna have fun tonight out on the city. One of my biggest drinking buddies, one of my favorite pals, one of the funniest people off stage. One of the funniest people on stage. Truly one of the top young rising comedians in the world. One more time. Ferrari, Maddie. And with that, it is time for bucket poll number eight. It could be the next Starry Maddie. Could be the next Cam Patterson. We found them all. Oh, my God. God bless America. Usa. Usa.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Kenny Cabanaugh, everyone. One more time for Valerie Vaughn and those American hangers, huh? One more time for Kenny Cabanau.

[Red Band]

Yeah. Yeah. What's up, Nashville? Sorry I was a little late getting up here. Rife and I were getting blowjobs by Haley in the back. She had to hawk to us so we could come out here and talk to you. Holy shit. They know I'm Canadian. 51st state. 51st state. Hold up, hold up. Are you booing me because I'm Canadian? Damn, there's been like five of us. I was like, I'm going to be the only Canadian here. They kind of me over backstage. But seriously, Nashville, if you've got a problem getting it up, this is the place to come because the women here are insane. Honestly, I was flying in this morning, 6:30, came right across the prison. Largest women's prison in the United States. So it's Easy ass after 10 o' clock if you need to get any. All right, guys, I love you. I hope you guys have a good night. Thanks for having me here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yikes. Kenny Cabanaugh plowing through booze the entire time. Not really sure how to handle it, huh? Leaving pauses for jokes and then asking them if they're booing you because of this, they're booing you because of that. A lot of big basic mistakes there. How long have you been doing standup comedy?

[Red Band]

Couple years. Just, you know, we're Canadian, so we're stupid and it happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're making excuses. I would just stop saying that you're Canadian for every single answer.

[Red Band]

Stay away from it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not working out well for you. Canadians booed our national anthem a few weeks ago. They left a back face in our mouth, not me. You know what I think? I think those Canadians better stop doing our national anthem and I think they better start learning it. Just pandering to my new staunch Republican base. Are you excited to be part of the 51st State of the United States of America?

[Red Band]

Yeah. Oh, say can you see Baby, we

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

can do this all right there we do it. Okay. What do you do for work?

[Red Band]

I work at a work for a large American company up in Canada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You work for a large American company up in Canada. You think there's any chance of that company moving back to America due to the new tariffs?

[Red Band]

No, they're huge in America. We're here. We love America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Weird answer. Craziest thing about your life before I get you out of here fast.

[Red Band]

Last two broken vertebraes right after high school. So I'm not supposed to do anything too out there, but still live on the edge and have fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Ouch. How'd you break your vertebrae?

[Red Band]

Wrestling in high school?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, this crowd hates you. I'm. I'm going to save you. Here's the little joke book. Kenny Cabana, ladies and gentlemen.

[Red Band]

Have a good night. Nashville.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So mean me?

[Red Band]

No, not you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crowd. They're ruthless. You heard them. I'll ask again. How many you like it when comedians do good on the show? How many you like it when comedians do bad on the show? They love it. These people want blood. You guys must be in your glory tonight. But with that, I have bad news for you. Because right now I'm bringing up who might be one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Here with the brand new minute, this is Martin Phillips.

[Red Band]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on,

[Red Band]

Man? You know, a lot of people say a guitar is a sexy instrument, but. But you don't want that underrated, sexy instrument, the French horn. Cause you gotta stick your fist in it, you know? Anyway, Serial killer Ted Bundy volunteered at the. The suicide hotline. So nobody talks about the lives he saved. Right. I'll end it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good. Perfect. He's done it again. Another great minute by Martin Phillips. Boy, oh, boy, are they adding up. You're done doing it, man. You're living the dream. How do you feel?

[Red Band]

Good? Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's cool.

[Red Band]

It's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You love Nashville. Yeah.

[Red Band]

It's an out east place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Knocking it out.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What you been doing while you're here?

[Red Band]

Oh, chilling, you know, tornado siren.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was taking a nap and it's

[Red Band]

like going to basement. I was like, if I die, I die. I'm not like, yeah, I'm not leaving this bed, you know, I don't see anything, you know, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, yeah. Perfect.

[Red Band]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedians]

So.

[Red Band]

Oh, I. This morning I didn't see you at the drag brunch. I went to at Zany. I was looking for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Either I wasn't there or I'm just that damn good.

[Red Band]

See to Tonia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your name? What's your drag name? Tonia. All right, never mind. Holy red band. Really? I.

[Red Band]

It's Tony H Clip.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. It's true. Tony with an eye. One eye. Just like Aaron Belial. I love it, Martin.

[Red Band]

You know, there are people, they messed up the. The order and where everything was, was my name. It's like, you guys, you didn't mix me up on the show. You know, it's like, God damn it, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There was a lineup back there or something. No, us, the lineup tonight with the regulars. Well, yeah, yeah. They're like, okay, you weren't supposed to be on tonight.

[Red Band]

I know, I know, exactly. But they're like, oh, sorry. That was actually supposed to be Aaron's day. That was like every time that you mixed us up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you guys are both Crips, if you will. Part of the same gang.

[Red Band]

In the gang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have the same unbelievable walk. That. That's true. But you have a voice.

[Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And two eyes.

[Red Band]

I got that working for him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I got. Yep. You are not his type, if you will.

[Red Band]

Oh, that's my impression of the ear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. You son of a.

[Red Band]

Pretty good. Not bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips. I'm glad you survived the tornado. Anything for Martin.

[Red Band]

Guys, got a party in room 316 of the LA Quinta Inn in Memphis, Tennessee, tonight, if you can make it there. Any tornadoes down there? No, no, just poppers and whores. Oh. What's your favorite drug? What's your favorite drug? What drug? Can you do that's not going to make you all wobbly tobbly?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Red Band]

Like what? Like. Like what drug can you do that'll make you not freak out on me, you know? Well, try them out. Let's see what you got. Shoot me out. It's gonna be so hard to hit a vein.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh,

[Red Band]

yeah. Go. Do it through my toes. Do it. That's. That's how other. Yeah, do it through my toes. That's going to be the name of your next special.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin, we love you. The fans love you. Everybody loves you. We're going to keep it moving one more time for the golden ticket goat. Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. I do believe he has the record for most appearances of any golden ticket winner. All right. Right.

[Red Band]

He's attacking him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Tony Caruso going a little hard in the fight.

[Red Band]

Saved his life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's the lovely Heidi. My goodness. I mean, it's always. Especially after the handicap people, where she really shines. It's just like a refresh. It's like getting an extra life on a video game, you know what I mean? Just feels good. You feel safe when she's around. How about a hand for the event staff right here working hard at the Bridgestone Arena. This guy's coming in with a mop. Clearly somebody vomited when. When that last Canadian guy did his set. A lot of Americans vomiting in the crowd tonight at the disgusting first time Canadians that have dared show themselves and such an American venue. Okay, bucket pool number nine. We still have energy. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Calip Lee or Caleb Lee. C, A, L, E, P.

[Red Band]

So what I've come to realize, y' all is people on social media. They don't want help, they don't want. They want attention while living miserable. This girl on my timeline is so annoying. This road I'm on is so lonely. Nobody likes me, nobody cares. If I don't get 25 likes by the end of the night, I'm gonna kill myself. So I messaged her, right? One human to another, like, hey, I don't know what you got going on, but people love you, Jesus loves you. And I just hope things get better. And she fucking left me on red. No, I swear to God, y'. All. For what? Already selling weed to her. But now I understand when no one likes your ass. Kill yourself. Look, Nashville, I know that is up, man. And she is just a teenager.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And my sister.

[Red Band]

Y' all like the boo boy. I'll tell you what.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, y' all like to boo? Not exactly what you want your closing catchphrase to be during a comedy set in an arena? Caleb, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Red Band]

I've been doing stand up about four years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Red Band]

Dayton, Ohio, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dayton, Ohio. Okay. Oh, they don't like Dayton either. Wow, what a shocker here in Nashville, Tennessee. Okay, what do you do for work?

[Red Band]

I'll be selling weed. Doordash. Kind of getting in between right now. My job, if you're. If you're a weed dealer, deals trucks with cuffed jeans that is about to be garbage. Easiest drug dealer ever. You know, you imagine him showing up with your food and it's like a half eaten, and they're like, boo. And he's like, man, you guys are like the boo doordash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, I love.

[Red Band]

Oh, you're likable. This is a new shirt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you, Caleb?

[Red Band]

29.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You sure? And just to make sure I'm saying this right, your name is Caleb. Caleb. Caleb with a picture P. With a P, Yeah. C, A, L, E, P. You're booing the name. You know what he says you guys like to boo. Honestly, I'm with you on that one.

[Red Band]

Boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Caleb, what do you think? Your mother, whose womb you came out of, she held you in her belly for nine months and at the end she looked at you and goes, that's Caleb. What do you think she was thinking?

[Red Band]

She was white trash on Xanax.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Caleb with the P. That is incredible. What does she do? What? What does. What does she ring up at a register for a living? What's a urine cost?

[Red Band]

An urn. Urn. She's dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rip a year. She's in a yearn. That is only. That is only something a guy named Caleb would say. My mother, she's in a yearn. It's a urn. As in he will never earn a living as a comedian. It's an urn. Wow. Oh, my goodness. The cremator that we met earlier used to put bodies in a yearn. Everyone, according to Caleb. So how did she die?

[Red Band]

Around the pandemic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or something like that. Or something like that. Are you not. You don't have your finger on the bad.

[Red Band]

I brought my dead mom up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry. It's okay. It's fine. It's actually the most interesting part of your entire appearance so far, sir. What's the story with the rest of your life?

[Red Band]

Well, I know this is probably a bad time to plug it, but me and my friend Jeff Allen, we have the long.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me cut you off right there. No one cares about an open mic in Dayton, Ohio.

[Red Band]

Caleb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Caleb, this was so rough for you. You might as well have been from Canada. The least liked American of the night, Tony Caruso. Do you have any advice for this young buck? I mean, just a few years ago, he was the young kid in the movie Unbreakable. And now. That's the wrong movie, isn't it?

[Red Band]

Yeah. I was going to invite you to my party at the La Quinta Inner Room 316 in Memphis, Tennessee tonight. But we already have a Caleb showing up tonight. Bringing the energy down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Caleb, I'm gonna save you as well, my friend.

[Red Band]

Best of luck to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who do we think? How many bucket pulls do we have up there, huh? Out of all of you. All right, sit down. All of you, sit down. I'm gonna do something I've never done before. And Colt, you have a better angle than me. We've had so many first timers tonight. I'm just being present. I'm being in the moment right now. I'm gonna ask you a question. You guys have to be honest. Everybody sit down. Stand up. If you've been doing it longer than five years. All right, Right now. Sit down. If you've been doing it less than 10 years, How many people are standing? Is that a black guy with his shirt off that's been doing it longer than 10 years?

[Red Band]

10 years of comic

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

hell, yeah. Is that true or are you lying? Black guy. Okay, finds. Okay, who's been doing it 15 years? Anybody? Not him. That's not who I'm talking to. I'm talking to that guy up there. Hold on. Who's been doing it the longest out of everybody up there? You're all pointing at that guy. Is that true? Can anybody else argue that? How long have you been doing a black guy with his arms up? 10? How long have you been doing a guy in the baseball hat? Show me with your hands. Jesus Christ. 15. You've been doing it 15 years. Come on down and do a minute. Let's go. We're just living in a moment.

[Red Band]

See this kid?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That kid? Sign up. You signed up. You have a minute. Get your ass back there. Are we having fucking fun tonight or what? This is the only. Every other television host you've ever seen has a teleprompter. They pre interview their guest.

[Red Band]

This is Kill Tony live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything can happen in the moment. All right, ladies. Ladies and gentlemen, your 15 year veteran going first tonight, doing 60 seconds. Goes by the name of Evan Burtz. Evan Burtz. Let's see what happens Here.

[Red Band]

What's up, Nashville? Thank you for doing that, Tony. I'm blessed. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to be alive, y'. All. When I was 17 years old, I was almost killed in a car accident. I was sitting in the middle of the back seat, not wearing a seatbelt. That's where they made me sit. And we're all familiar with what that's called. It's called riding bitch. Right. And I don't know why they call it that when it was the two guys sitting beside me who died. Who's the bitch now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

All right. I'm just kidding. Everyone survived the accident, but those guys are dead opioids. Thank you, guys. I appreciate this. This was awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, all right. Your name again?

[Red Band]

Evan Burke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Evan Burke.

[Red Band]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Evan Burke. And you've been doing it 15 years,

[Red Band]

since 2009, so I guess a little longer than that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Where at?

[Red Band]

All over. Started in Charleston, South Carolina. I'm from Atlanta originally. Go Braves.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You. I know.

[Red Band]

It's a rough start. It's a rough start. And then I spent some time in New York and Los Angeles. I actually did a show with you in Los Angeles. You probably don't remember. I was definitely an add on. I was an add on. Is that the Ice house? Valentine's Day, 2020.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, very good.

[Red Band]

I remember because you made a woman cry in the front row. It was pretty awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did. Do you remember what happened there?

[Red Band]

Yeah, you. She looked really good. She was there with her significant other, and you said she looked like a lady of the night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all it took.

[Red Band]

Yeah, she. She was soft. She couldn't. She shouldn't have been in the front row.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No chance. I love it. What do you do for. How do you make a living?

[Red Band]

I have a day job. I work remotely for a research company so that I can do comedy. I haven't put all the eggs in the comedy basket so that I can reinvest in my comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Red Band]

Yeah. I mean, I self produced my own comedy special using the money that I made from my day job. Matt Rifle knows about self producing comedy specials over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y.

[Red Band]

So, yeah, big fan of you. Thanks, man. Glad to see you here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Appreciate it. Dude. Yeah.

[Red Band]

What is the name of the research company? One more time. What is the name of the research company?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good question. Tony Caruso. Everyone's itching to know the name of the research company. I love it when you ask questions like that. Tony Caruso. I love it. It leads us in a Great direction. It's going to be a bunch of. Of jokes that come from this. Let's see what happens here. What's the name of the research company?

[Red Band]

I'm having a party at the location, 316. I'm sorry. I love you. Thanks for bringing me out. Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my. Wait, you sounded like out of gray there for a second.

[Red Band]

Go ahead. What do you got? It's a company called Alpha Sense. Rated one of the best places to work by some nerds of nerds. Yeah, some. Some outlet, you know? Know, you're right. It was. What are you researching? Like, what is the thing that gets. We're making hedge funds richer. Nothing that these people are going to be all too excited about. Me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right, all right. I'm going to tell you what. We're going to keep it moving. We're getting deep in the show. Here's a big joke book. There you go. Congratulations.

[Red Band]

Thank you so much. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A little balance to the scale. So many newer comedians. One year, two year, one year. First time, first time, first time, first time. And then what? I open up the other opportunity for a comedy veteran to come out and some little kid had the balls to show his face. And now, without a doubt, for the first time ever on Kill, Tony. This is. I don't even know how old is he? Okay, I guess they're already bringing him out. Everybody, it's Sin again. One more time for Finn.

[Red Band]

Again,

[Guest Comedians]

Just to be clear, I'm not Canadian. Hi, my name is Finnegan Timothy o'. Malley. Clearly, my mom named me to be an alcoholic by 21. Every day after I go to school, I have to go to hell. But most of you know it as the ymca. The people who work there are barely older than us. They just went through puberty themselves. I can see their pimples. My friend Jackson is taller than most of them there, mainly because Jackson is a 5, 4 beast. Every day when we walk in there, we're forced to wash our hands like we're carrying a disease. And then we have to eat food that expires in two days because we can't waste.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You are a dumbass retard, Red band. I love that you laugh at these moments. Oh, he's flipping you guys off. You're wrong. You're retarded. Let's go back to the podcast punchline that anybody with common sense, not to mention somebody working on this show for 12 years, would know not to interrupt you. Here he is with his. The end of his joke. It's Finnegan Everybody literally destroying lied.

[Guest Comedians]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wait.

[Red Band]

Do that last one again and hit the punchline.

[Guest Comedians]

And then we have to eat food that expires in two days because we can't waste food. If they keep this up, then war expire in two days.

[Red Band]

What are you talking about? Red.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timothy o', Malley, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived to the Kill Tony universe. He's being given the jacket of Tony Tony Caruso, AKA the Lombardi trophy of the Kill Tony universe.

[Red Band]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

Get him up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go. Finnegan. Timothy Finnegan. Timothy o'. Malley. Holy. A star is born. How old are you?

[Guest Comedians]

11.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

11 years old. Have you ever done stand up comedy before? I have, yeah, it seems like it. You seem actually funnier than the guy that's been doing it 15 years. He's been doing it longer than you've been alive. And here you are, Pure charisma. Fucking the look of vibe and energy. I was nervous that you weren't going to speak directly into the microphone or have actual fucking jokes. And you did it all. You nailed it all like a pro. This is incredible. Do you live here in Nashville?

[Guest Comedians]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you live?

[Guest Comedians]

Lexington, Kentucky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And you came here tonight with your. Your dad, your mom? Who'd you come with?

[Guest Comedians]

Both.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Both. And they help you write sometimes? You run your jokes by them?

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you write those yourself?

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah.

[Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. And. And you're a fan of the show?

[Guest Comedians]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They let you watch it?

[Guest Comedians]

My dad mostly watches and I join in and sometimes I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing. Tony Caruso is going to ask you an obscure, stupid one ended question right now. What's the name of the energy company? We'll be right back.

[Red Band]

I'm having a party at the Lita Inn, Room 316, Memphis, Tennessee. Your parents can come. Do you want to go? No, No, I do got to say. I do got to say. It's. You were funny. You were funny and you were. You were clean. I don't think you even cursed in front of 20,000 people. Have you ever cursed ever in your life?

[Guest Comedians]

Multiple times? Times?

[Red Band]

Yes. Oh, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your. What's your. What's your favorite curse word? Finnegan? Timothy o'. Malley.

[Red Band]

Great question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've never gotten a curse in an arena before? This is the moment.

[Red Band]

Oh, he's always powering up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, what is it? Oh, come on.

[Red Band]

Don't build. Don't build him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna give him one more chance.

[Red Band]

Don't boo him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on. One more curse word.

[Guest Comedians]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This show is as live and as wild as it gets.

[Red Band]

Unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 minutes ago there was a 0% chance of you getting on other than your name being in the bucket. Probably right? And now here you are after crushing and Finnegan Timothy Timothy O', Malley, the first 11 year old in the show's history. Do I have news for you. You are the newest golden ticket winner on Kill Tony. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it happens. Live in the moment. Oh, they're giving him a Red Bull.

[Red Band]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get him. In AR15, you get to have a naughty, naughty Red Bull. How exciting. And Finnegan Timothy O' Malley from Lexington, Kentucky. One last thing. You are 11, you are funny. You have enough time to write another minute before August 16th. There's a venue called called Madison Square Garden and you will be performing there at the world's most famous arena at 11 years old. You ready to catch this joke book? Here it comes.

[Red Band]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Almost had it all, everybody. Almost had it all. It's fantastic and I love to continue. You a cigarette? No, no cigarette. No cigarette. How loud can this place get for Finnegan Timothy O. Ali. Finnegan, you did it. Congratulations. Welcome to the family. The 11 year old Finnegan Timothy O Ali. You can go, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah. Where the hell are you his parents at? You guys cool? We good? Are we good? Okay, good. I have consent. Jesus Christ. Consent to lug them around to Madison Square. Oh, the mom's crying. How adorable. Look at that. She just told the dad it's not his. I love it.

[Red Band]

She just told the dad he's not his.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is we have parents permission to have the 11 year old on the show and at Madison Square Garden just for any creeps watching. She just quit her job. Y that just happened in real time, in real life. And now Michael and now what's crazy is that kind of steps on the toes of something crazy that I had planned here, but we're going to go through with it anyway. I had four extra golden ticket winners that were here that wanted to go on stage tonight and do a minute. So what I've decided to do before the show is have all four of them come out at the exact same time. They're going to each do a minute and at the end of each minute without any interview, they're going to hand the mic to the next person. They're going to go minute, minute, minute, minute, minute. And then at the end of those four minutes, you get to decide who you like the most. And they get a spot at Madison Square Garden and whoever you like the least has to take six months away from the show. Ooh, does this sound like fun? Well, make some noise for them. Here they come at once. First it's Rick Diaz. Ooh. Next it's David Jolly. Third is Drew Nickens. And fourth is Jack Shaw. So we're going Rick, David, Drew, Jack going first with 60 seconds. Make some noise for Rick Diaz.

[Red Band]

I'm so happy to be doing this. I have such a great track record battling other comedians on this show. Anyway, anybody else depressed or what? Yeah, I woke up this morning. I didn't mean to. I don't suffer from sleep apnea. I suffer from awake breathing. When I was a kid, I broke a window at home, and my parents were like, rick, just stop trying to get in. I was talking to my therapist and I was like, you're not taking any notes. And he was like, I'm trying to forget this. A girl told me, you can do whatever you want to me. So I disappointed her. She was like, is that a gun in your pocket or. It's a gun. Thank you guys very much. You've been great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly one minute by Rick Diaz. He hands the microphone to David Jolly. Makes some noise for David Jolly.

[Red Band]

How y' all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico. Hell, yeah. We in God's country, baby. You know what I mean? Remind you of the old days, back when we be. When we could be Americans, you know, everybody don't get offended by every thing. You know what I'm saying? We're goddamn Americans. A man have a bad day at work, he come home and he punched that bitch in the face. This is my wife. What you mean I can't hit my wife? That's crazy. Hell, yeah. The good old days. I'm glad we didn't have social media back in the good old days. Cause we also didn't have this thing called child abuse. Can you imagine getting your ass whooped on your grandmama? Facebook Live? That bitch got them long ass titties swinging in the camera. Everybody in the comments like, oh, take his jaws off. Kick him in his ass. Hell yeah. Every year. Oh, that's my time. Thank y'. All. Y' all been a bunch of fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drew Nickens.

[Red Band]

I wasn't born this way. I actually was assaulted by some airmen. I got a tbi and I actually lost a tooth that night. And it was really scary because I had to pick myself up. So I picked myself up. I picked up that tooth, and I put that bitch right under my pillow for the tooth fairy. Am I right? And it was $2 under my pillow the next day. She knew I had a head injury before I did because there was a Chris Benoit action figure on the side of my bed with a fucking take care on a post it note. On a lighter note, I learned how to pleasure a woman from my grandma. She said, if you want to make the hoe, squirt, you got to give that hoe the retarded wave. That's why you do the Star Trek symbol. You slide that thing up and then you wave like a retarded guy at a bus stop. Like, you got to make that noise so it sounds like her vibration. Like, and you gotta make it eye contact. Women are horrified when I do that joke. I only do that for entertainment purposes only. Unless you're down. Thank y' all so much,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ladies and gentlemen, Jack Shaw.

[Red Band]

Nashville. I got a girlfriend. I love her so much, guys. I do. But I'm Jewish and she's Christian, and this bitch is going to hell, man. Oh, man, I love her so much, dude. I do. But I have to protect her now. I have someone to protect. So I went to the gun range for the first time. Motherfuckers. Oh, my God. Now I want a fucking gun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Guys,

[Red Band]

it was so much fun. I get why kids bring them to school, dude. Understand. I grew up in Los Angeles, California. I grew up liberal, anti gun. Why would anyone want a gun?

[Guest Comedians]

No guns.

[Red Band]

And then I picked up a gun and I was like, nancy Pelosi is a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jack Shaw, ladies and gentlemen. Well, this is another fun experiment. Why don't you guys line up how you performed? Rick, come on, you guys, step up, step up. Rick, Diaz, David, you guys would go side by side. There we go. Jack, over here. They're not the smartest people, as you could tell. Okay, now I've been informed by the great director Anthony in the the magical eye in the sky that he's been able to obtain an audio level measurement system here in house. It's in the back of the house. There it is right there, as you can see. Check, check, check, check, check. One, two. Okay. You guys were able to get it up to 106 during the test. So we're gonna do this very officially so that the crybabies on the Internet and anywhere else see how we're doing it by science Tonight. Actual science. The technology seems to be getting better as the Netflix deals start rolling in. Ladies and gentlemen, you decide who goes to Madison Square Garden. And you also decide who's taking six months away from the show. Never before has so much decision Making been in the hands of an audience and who better than Nashville, Tennessee to decide? With that said, here we go. Go how many of you and try to not go twice. That would be my recommendation. Pick it in your head now and make noise for that person when I say that person's name or else you're gonna it up. How many of you have Rick Diaz winning this tonight? That got up to what? 103? 103.7 was his maximum. How many of you have David Jolly winning this? 113 point. What is it, Anthony? 113.9. All right, how many of you have trunks Nickens winning this? Oh boy. 94.8. Drew, Drew, don't wear the sadness on your face like that. Jesus. This is a very tough art form, Drew. You're in a. You're in a battle against great comedians. You're doing just fine. Drew. How many of you have Jack Shaw winning this tonight? 114.3. Oh my God. By 4/10 of a point, Jack Shaw pulls it off. This ended up a little more depressing than I thought it would be. Drew, we love you. Everything's okay. What do you want? You want some? Step up to the mic, Drew. How do you. Are you okay?

[Red Band]

It is what it is, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everyone loves you, Drew. You've been doing it less time than these three guys. Don't take it so hard on yourself. You have to understand that being part of a competition like this is much better than not being part of a competition audition like this. You're in the game, Drew.

[Red Band]

Yes, sir. Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Tony. Thank you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nashville, Drew Nickens and based on Goddamn son of a. In principle, just because it was within 0.3. Let's get David Jolly up to at MSG. Why not? There they go. Give it up for the boys. Jack Shaw's going to max Madison Square Garden. David Jolly to Madison Square Garden. Barely beating. Boy, that was really close. He had 103.7. Sucks for everybody. Kind of. Hey, it's fun that I take chances. It's fun that we have fun. One more time for the boys there. That's different little measurement system. And how much fun have we had tonight? Geez Louise. I mean there's just no show like this. I hope you know that we're making history every time we do one of these fucking arenas. Musicians know the set list, they're going to play stand ups, know what they're going to do. You know when they come up here to do an hour later long set but only on Kill Tony are we pulling names out of a bucket and having fun. And you know, I think that there's only one way to end a night like this. I present to you. Some people call him the Memphis Strangler. Some people call him the Vanilla Gorilla. From. From Memphis, Tennessee, I present to you the Big Red Machine. Ladies and gentlemen, here in his home state, the record holder for appearances and interviews.

[Red Band]

This is William Montgomery,

[Guest Comedians]

Tennessee.

[Red Band]

Rocky top, you'll always be oh, sweet o to b. Good old rocky top rocky top, tennessee good old rocky top rocky top, tennessee. Rocky top, you'll always be home sweet home to me good old rocky top rocky top, tennessee. Rocky Top, you'll always be A sweet of the best Good old Rocky Top Rocky Top dead I said Rocky Top, you'll always be oh, sweet of the bay Good old Rocky Top Rocky Top dead us. Rocky top you'll always be up with up to me good old rocky top rocky top, tennessee. Is Jeffrey Goldberg, the journalist who just published a story about the Trump administration texting him war plans. The biggest snitch of all time. If the Trump team texted me war plans, my ass ain't writing a damn article. I'm gonna be sending gifts back like Rocky and Apollo Creed shaking hands, saying shit like, let's roll, Patriots. And sending selfies of me wearing camouflage in my bedroom. Red Band's mom is such a bad slut, she couldn't blow a Breathalyzer. And she's an old one, too. Amy Schumer has had such terrible side effects from the weight loss drug Ozempic that she says she's gonna lose weight naturally. Step one, she said, is to reduce her ice cream sandwich intake from five to three a day. The mayor of Minot, North Dakota, got busted for sending a masturbation video to a city employee. And I'm just over here trying to figure out how in the hell did the mayor of Minot, North Dakota, get his hands on a Red Band video?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Red Band]

Red Band does these nasty solo male jacking off shit. Okay, that's my time, Tony. Thank you so much, William.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lights out. Montgomery has done it again. The man who's done it more than anyone. More sets, more interviews, more verses of Rocky Top, 10 Tennessee or whatever.

[Red Band]

Rocky Top, you'll always be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Man, you know how to get this crowd into a tizzy. This is incredible.

[Red Band]

About to have a stroke up here right now. Tony, I love that. I'm light headed to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love that, William. We love that about you. You give it all a lot of energy. A lot of people have said we expect William to die on that stage. He gives us all.

[Red Band]

I hope not too many people are saying that, but no. Tony, I'm so sorry. I actually ended up going out with Kid Rock after the show last night. We went to the beautiful Vanderbilt University campus and literally kidnapped four women at Vanderbilt. Kid Rock and I. So I was having a good time last night. Toadette.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Red Band]

There's blood everywhere. Toadette. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible.

[Red Band]

Kid Rock is kind of a racist. Toadette. That's the major thing I learned last night. But he's really nice. No, I love his BA with the BA song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's not racist. He has black family members. He has a half black granddaughter. He has a black lesbian drummer. I know this because he mentions it every five minutes when you're hanging out with him. Right after he says the N word. I'm kidding. I'm joking. William, I don't know if you noticed it, but there's a lady holding up a sign over here. Here. Did you see that sign that she held up? I'll show my tits for a big joke book. William, what do you. What do you think we should do with this lady, huh?

[Red Band]

I think she's kind of really ugly, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Red Band]

I'm trying to see your titties tonight, Tony. Holy. Get back in the cage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to see those. You want to see those Rocky tops?

[Red Band]

Hell, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I kind of do. Let's see what we got here. Anthony, you got that shot?

[Red Band]

The kid. The kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no, there's an 11 year old. No, I forgot. There's 11 year old.

[Red Band]

That can't be his first titties. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how gays are made. Oh, he's got his hat over his face. Get a shot at that over there. They're not always tucked in their pants. Turn hard left, camera guy. There you go. Right there. Get a shot of that. Anthony, show them what's going on there. Please, for the love of God. There you go.

[Red Band]

Like he's heading Epstein's Island.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm getting word that we have a slow motion replay available of those Rocky tops that we saw a second ago. Let's see a slow motion replay only in Nashville.

[Red Band]

Only on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. What is this show? Oh, there's people. This is the most ridiculous show of all time. I'd like to apologize to the Bridgestone arena and the city of Nashville, Tennessee.

[Red Band]

Sweetheart, I would love to invite you to my party at the La quinta. Wow. Room 316, Memphis, Tennessee. He Finnegan's going, Williams, going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dreams are coming true here tonight. We got to see that lady's sweet, sweet rotisserie.

[Red Band]

What were those, what were those metal things in your nipples?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, those things were. Those were some beefy tits, my friend. My goodness, you know that she's from Tennessee because those look like the tits of a volunteer for sure.

[Red Band]

Wait, Tony, what the is that supposed to mean, man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Supposed to mean someone who like volunteers. Volunteers at a soup kitchen or something like that. Kind of. Not the actual college, but someone that would volunteer for something. Someone that wouldn't get paid to do something. That's what I meant, like an actual volunteer. Those were some huge tits though. Any lady want to show their small tits for a small joke book. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Shut up. William. How do you feel?

[Red Band]

Feeling good, Toad. Feeling really good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're back in your home state of Tennessee. Is there anything you want to say to these people before we get you out of here?

[Red Band]

I just want to say it really is a pleasure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was born in Tennessee. I will die in Tennessee.

[Red Band]

Don't shake your head like a idiot, okay? That's what I can say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you see him, did you see him play the West Hollywood bear during an 11 year old destroying having the moment of his life earlier to see Red band do that?

[Red Band]

Yeah, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're not even going to make a joke about it. You're just going to say I know, that's like the meanest thing you could have done right there.

[Red Band]

I know. Well, I mean it was funny. I thought it was funny. I was laughing over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Oh, Redbit. No, you gave him a lot of confidence there. That's very nice of you. William. William, I noticed that you always, always. That you always love Tennessee. I've seen you live in California. I've seen you live in Texas. Do you think you'll ever just be over Tennessee? You think you'll just be done?

[Red Band]

Tony, that's so weird. I don't think it'll be over Tennessee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William Lightsaber Montgomery. The big red machine. The middle. This strangler. The vanilla gorilla indeed has done it again. Guys, how about a hand for the one and only one of the best in the world, Matt R. How awesome. What an honor to have him. He's on the screen day golden tour. It is Matt Rife, official dot com. But you guys probably have tickets. You guys are the best comedy fans in the world. If he's coming to your town, get him. Every show is different and fun. That's guaranteed with him. Master Improviser Master Stand up. Anything else, Matt?

[Red Band]

No, I love Nashville. Thank you so much for having me. Get on safe. Love you. God bless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony Caruso is having a party tonight at the La Quinta Inn. But it says here that he's promoting the tours of adam Ray and Dr. Phil. They are both on tour. That would be Kill Tony. Hall of famers. Kill Tony, Guest of the year. You look suspiciously like those guys.

[Red Band]

The party starts in about 15 minutes, so get there early. Finnegan, bring your parents. We got tons of Zima.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The entire band and the musicians, all of them are playing at Brooklyn bowl tonight. If you guys are looking for something to do, they're going to be absolutely crushing at a venue called Brooklyn Bowl. Guys, how loud can this place get for one of the best musicians in the world?

[Red Band]

Marcus King was with us all night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The lovely Ellie King. One more time for truly one of the all time goats. Winona Judd's performance earlier, her and the great Cactus Moser was on the drums. Unbelievable. Get [e-mail] for everything. Dr. Phil, Adam Ray, Tony Caruso, Matt Rife. Official for everything. Matt Rife. We are on Netflix April 7th. That's at 2am Tomorrow night, believe it or not. 2am 3am East coast time. So 3am 2am 2. You guys. Three hours behind LA or two. Great. Oh, it's midnight every time zone. So midnight night. Tomorrow night on Netflix. Our Netflix debut up Kill Tony. How exciting is that, huh? One more time for all the comedians. Thank you to the comedians that signed up. Oh, look, there's a cool clown over there. Look at that guy. God damn, that would have been cool. Red Band.

[Red Band]

Love you guys. Sorry kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We absolutely love Nashville, Tennessee. God bless Nashville and God bless, bless the United States of America. Thank you.

[Red Band]

We love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. Ra.