#729 - CHRIS O'CONNOR + RYAN O'NEILL

Summary

KILL TONY #729 – CHRIS O’CONNOR + RYAN O’NEILL – DETAILED PODCAST SUMMARY
Date: July 29, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Panel: Tony Hinchcliffe (host), Brian Redban (co-host), guests Chris O’Connor & Ryan O’Neill

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This wild and unruly episode of Kill Tony spotlights two of Tony’s longtime comedy favorites—Chris O’Connor (of Netflix’s Tires) and Ryan O’Neill (Slop Quest Podcast)—who join the hosts and band for a night of unpredictable stand-up. Buckets-of-dreams hopefuls, seasoned weirdos, and rapidly rising stars take the stage for their shot at a minute of live comedy in front of a crowd and millions online.

The show quickly spirals into a hilarious, gritty exploration of comedy’s fringes—touching on everything from drugs, heartbreak, and strip clubs to map fetishes and viral sensations—showcasing the best and worst of the scene in Austin.

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KEY SEGMENTS & HIGHLIGHTS (with Timestamps)

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1. Show Intro & Panel Banter

00:12–05:34

• Tony introduces the packed Mothership, the regular band (feat. D Madness), and this week’s guests.
• “This is, believe it or not, the one and only, the great and powerful, the force of nature D Madness on the bass guitar…” – Tony Hinchcliffe [00:12]
• Guests’ credits: Ryan recently moved to Austin, Chris stars in Netflix’s #1 comedy Tires.
• The rules for comics: 60 seconds, then panel interview.

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2. “Golden Ticket” Opener: COLIN SLEDGE

05:34–11:23

• Jokes about being bullied, social awkwardness, and living in his parents’ garage at age 30.
• “My parents didn’t really believe in me sexually…” – Colin Sledge [05:34]
• Admits he teaches piano, does comedy, and hit two doves with his car en route: “It felt spiritually very damaging.” [08:38]
• Extended riff on garage-apartment living and a BMW named Susan; playful banter on being so close to a car.

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3. BUCKET PULLS: Emerging Comics & Their Interview Chaos

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Surge Am: One Year In, Offbeat

12:26–20:35

• Disjointed set referencing "human trafficking," his gay sister at Chick-fil-A, and drunken freestyling.
• Tony puzzled: “Here’s the catch, Surge. Is that almost nothing you said made any sense whatsoever.” [14:41]
• Panel dissects his nonsensical punchlines, leads him to freestyle live (“There is a 0% chance this is going to go good.”).

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Jason Vest: Racy “Massage Parlor” Tales

20:52–27:19

• Outlandish story about losing virginity to an “old Asian woman,” advice for “paying for pussy,” and being ex-National Guard recruiter.
• Admits addiction issues: “My wife’s got to hide the peanut butter jars.” [24:48]
• Tony: “You are the weirdest dude. Can’t quite figure it out. You’re an interesting guy.” [26:17]

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Patrick Lake: Science, STIs, Divorce

27:56–38:58

• Jokes about bad doctors; deep-dive interview: material scientist, newly divorced after 15 years, wife’s cheating led to STIs and “meetups in the woods.”
• Tony: “You caught an STI. Which one?”
• Patrick explains Portuguese prostitutes in the woods, how he met his ex at a scientific conference.
• “You go into the woods and it’s just—just pussy everywhere.” – Tony Hinchcliffe [37:24]
• Gets applause for surprising interview vulnerability.

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Wisdom Anderson: Juneteenth Firing & Radio Life

39:26–47:22

• Comic’s real name is Elgin; riffs about being fired by a white woman on Juneteenth, his “two parent black household,” and haphazard answers on marriage and work.
• Admits being a radio personality in Houston.
• “Every single answer that you’ve given on this show is psychotic.” – Tony Hinchcliffe [45:26]

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Vinnie Flores: Heroin, Family Dysfunction

48:15–57:34

• Startling story: shot crack and heroin with his sister at 17, both on the run—set delivered deadpan as “relatable.”
• Life since: barback/doorguy in Austin, former welder from Michigan.
• Admits to attending barefoot wedding for his sister who married a 50-year-old in Ohio.
• “This is like a tourist ad for the state of Michigan. This is incredible.” – Tony Hinchcliffe [53:14]

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Timmy No Breaks: Viral Disruptor Returns

59:00–70:52

• Immediately raucous—demands trumpet sound effects, calls for creative control:
• “Who’s ready for the best minute of their lives?... What do you do for a living?... I’m just trying to find a natural way into this fucking airport sushi joke.”
• Banter with panel over viral status since his last appearance; claims Hilary Duff DM’d him and boasts: “I went to play laser tag and brought a real gun.”
• Tony gives him a “golden ticket” for his raw, off-the-wall energy: “You are the newest official golden ticket winner of Kill Tony.” [70:18]

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Isabella Carrozza: Stripping and Autism

71:54–78:24

• Comic and stripper, jokes about EFT therapy, “inner child massages,” working as cam girl, autism diagnosis.
• Panel explores her claim of being asked to fart on a customer for $2,000.
• “I am the DMV worker of strippers.” – Isabella [75:54]

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Mason Bird: Formerly 500 lbs, Now on Fire

80:17–88:01

• Jokes about being compared to Rosa Parks on an airplane and eating habits as a massive man losing weight.
• Lost 150 lbs by eating one 4,000-calorie meal per day (“Three chicken quesadillas from Taco Bell, two Cheesy Gordita Crunches...two drinks so they think it’s for two people.” [83:00])
• Hobbies: maps and geography.
• Tony: “Is that because you’re shaped like a globe?” [84:49]

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Max Sadawi: Jewish, Scuba, and Thailand

88:28–96:53

• Jokes about being named Max, sibling rivalry, and quick shift to “gayest thing” he’s ever done; recounts being a diving instructor in Thailand, having underwater sex (“It’s called the 10 Meter Club.” [94:07])
• Panel teases him about ladyboys and his sexual exploits.
• Discusses challenges of being Jewish in the current cultural climate.

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Micah Brown: Anal, Surgery, and the Jobless Life

97:35–104:13

• Set ties anal sex to surgery and drugs; claims he left his serving job after having his foot inside a woman’s vagina.
• Panel incredulous over his “winning streak” of foot sex, music video appearance, and quitting work (“I’m negative $24,” “I don’t think you understand, man!”)

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Bill Williams: Murder Shows, Dating, and Societal Mix

105:47–112:07

• Tight observational jokes on dating and true crime reenactments.
• One year in comedy: “My first year, I did 305 [open mics].” [107:14]
• Candid about being a former truck driver, DWI, and single dad of five: “They found a beer bottle in my truck, and then a week later I got a DWI.”
• Panel celebrates his journey, story of stealing a Lexus at 16, and being a committed father.

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4. Regular Set – Ari Matty (The Estonian Assassin)

114:44–124:43

• Expresses anxiety and jealousy in relationships, with riffing on “Dylan,” the archetypal friend who’s always “too close” to a girlfriend.
• “You suck a few dicks to throw me off. All of a sudden, eating my girl’s pussy…The only thing to do next week, I’m sucking Dylan off just to see if it’s true.” [116:37]
• Stories of touring Florida, feminist punk shows, getting a service dog into a venue, and obtaining a Tito Ortiz belt.

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS
(Timestamps in MM:SS)

• “Here’s the catch, Surge. Is that almost nothing you said made any sense whatsoever.” – Tony Hinchcliffe [14:41]
• “You are the weirdest dude. Can’t quite figure it out. You’re an interesting guy.” – Tony to Jason Vest [26:17]
• “You go into the woods and it’s just—just pussy everywhere.” – Tony Hinchcliffe [37:24]
• “Every single answer that you’ve given on this show is psychotic.” – Tony to Wisdom Anderson [45:26]
• “This is like a tourist ad for the state of Michigan. This is incredible.” – Tony Hinchcliffe to Vinnie Flores [53:14]
• “Who’s ready for the best minute of their lives?... I’m just trying to find a natural way into this fucking sushi chef joke.” – Timmy No Breaks [59:00]
• “You are the newest official golden ticket winner of Kill Tony.” – Tony crowns Timmy No Breaks [70:18]
• “I am the DMV worker of strippers.” – Isabella Carrozza [75:54]
• “Is that because you’re shaped like a globe?” – Tony to Mason Bird [84:49]
• “It’s called the 10 Meter Club.” – Max Sadawi on underwater sex [94:07]
• “I’m negative $24.” – Micah Brown [104:08]
• “My first year, I did 305 [open mics].” – Bill Williams [107:14]
• “You suck a few dicks to throw me off. All of a sudden, eating my girl’s pussy.” – Ari Matty [116:37]

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EPISODE TONE & ATMOSPHERE

In true Kill Tony fashion, the night was a freewheeling expose of comedy’s up-and-comers, oddballs, and stars—gritty, risque, raw, and always teetering between disaster and brilliance. The hosts, band, and panel handle madness with sharp wits, dropping memorable quips and giving (sometimes tough) deserved spotlight to the show’s wildmen and soul-baring interviewees.

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SEGMENT HIGHLIGHTS BY TIMESTAMP

• Panel introductions and comedic banter: [00:12–05:34]
• Colin Sledge’s “garage-apartment” saga: [05:34–11:23]
• Surge Am’s chaotic 60 seconds + freestyle: [12:26–20:35]
• Jason Vest’s unhinged prostitute stories: [20:52–27:19]
• Patrick Lake’s STI divorce drama: [27:56–38:58]
• Wisdom Anderson’s radio and Juneteenth tale: [39:26–47:22]
• Vinnie Flores’s hard drugs family history: [48:15–57:34]
• Timmy No Breaks’ viral insanity: [59:00–70:52]
• Isabella Carrozza’s stripper stories: [71:54–78:24]
• Mason Bird’s weight loss/globe jokes: [80:17–88:01]
• Max Sadawi’s Thailand/ladyboy confession: [88:28–96:53]
• Micah Brown’s anal/surgery gags, foot sex: [97:35–104:13]
• Bill Williams’ redemption/parenting: [105:47–112:07]
• Ari Matty’s jealousy/Florida tour bits: [114:44–124:43]

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FINAL REMARKS

This episode epitomizes Kill Tony: a hectic parade of comedians’ rawest moments, delivered with biting honesty, chaotic energy, and unscripted magic. From viral newcomers to honed regulars and a panel eager to riff, roast, and reveal, it’s an unforgettable slice of Austin’s live comedy scene.

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcock. Who's ready for the best night of your lives, huh? Brian Ripan, ladies and gentlemen. And the best damn band in the land, huh? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez, Big Mike on the drums. This is Sean Greenberg joining us again here tonight. Matt Muling's away, the great John D's on the keys. And this is, believe it or not, the one and only, the great and powerful, the force of nature D Madness on the bass guitar, everyone. Oh, my God, what a special. There's a special vibe in the room tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Other than BlueChew, ZipRecruiter and Shopify, who are exclusively the sponsors of this episode. Here's the others.

[Brian Redban]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunset stripatx.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys ready to start tonight's show? You know, every single week, I book two of the best comedians in the world. We're really doing it, Red Band. We're really doing it. And this week is no different. It's not St. Patty's Day, but they are both extremely Irish. One is one of the greatest MCs in Comedy Store history. The first man to ever bring me on stage May 7, 2007. And the other one is truly one of my favorite comedians, one of my favorite drinking buddies. They're both two of my favorite comedians. Make some noise for tonight's guests. It's Chris o' Connor and Ryan o', Neill, everybody. Monsters. Two of the funniest people I know. Ryan o', Neill, Chris o'. Connor. It's the O episode episode of Kel Tony. Welcome to the show, guys. Ryan o'. Neal, Chris O Connor. What an exciting start to the episode. Guns a Blazing. Everything is happening. Ryan o' Neal has the Slop Quest podcast and he's at Ryan o' Neal comedy on everything with two L's. Chris O Connor is one of the stars of the show Tires. I don't know if you guys know the number one comedy series in the world. He's in Cleveland on August 15 and 16. Team A, Chris O connor.com. literally the world's worst website for tickets. A Chris O Connor. Is there an apostrophe in that website? He is Chris O' Connor comedy on everything, social media. Very, very exciting. We are going to have some fun tonight, you guys. Ryan O' Neal was a guest, I believe, very early on 11, 12 years ago. Belly room, main room. You've done it all. I've done it all. First time at the mothership. Ryan o' Neill moved here this week. One of the best comedians in the world. Thank you. Chris o' Connor moved here last year. One of the best comedians in the world. Fuck, yeah. It's very exciting, but you guys know how it works. You've all done it. 230 tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Two, three zero. Waiting in a bar next door, hoping that they get pulled out of this bucket. I'm going to let the world's palest woman pull the first name here. There's a lot of other things I could have made fun of. I don't know why you're getting offended. I chose pale, which is the nicest of the things I could have said. And hell, yeah. So the first bucket poll is getting wrangled. You guys know how it works. When I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview. And me and my esteemed panel all have fun figuring out what else they should talk about or what else about their lives is interesting. They go from a comedian to a podcast guy guest in 60 seconds. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's show? Well, while we go wrangle that first bucket pool, we are going to watch a golden ticket winner start the show with a brand new minute, everybody. The calm, cool styles of make some noise for Colin Sledge. Everyone, a new minute from Colin Sledge.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you. I'm here to bust it wide open. Okay. I got picked on in school when I was growing up. One time, this kid put a sticker on my back that said kick me. He thought that was funny. So I put a sticker on his back. It was just a target. He was like, I don't get it. I was like, you'll get it tomorrow. I was always nervous around girls growing up. I mean, I still am, but when I was growing up, my dad used to tell me, it's important to remember that girls are more afraid of you than you are of them. And I said, why? He said, you're creepy. They don't like you. You're gonna be alone for a long time. My parents didn't really like believe in me sexually when I was growing up. One time my parents found this girl's panties in my bedroom. My dad confirmed he's like, so you think you're a girl, huh? Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's done it again. Another strong new minute by the dry skin stylings of Colin Sledge. Hey, welcome back Colin.

[Colin Sledge]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this true? Were you bullied as a, as a kid kind of kid?

[Colin Sledge]

Somewhat. Nothing too hardcore, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how about as an adult? Are you bullied as an adult?

[Colin Sledge]

Only on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Colin and your dad, are you close with your dad?

[Colin Sledge]

Yes, very close. I sort of live with them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh you do? How old are you?

[Colin Sledge]

I'm 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

30. Living with their parents. Have you ever not lived with your parents?

[Colin Sledge]

I went to Mississippi State for one year and then I transferred back to your parents house. Yeah, well I went to a college. Yeah, see I had a good year there maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, one year in Mississippi State. So you've lived with your parents 29 out of 30 years. It says here on my spreadsheet that I have here. So what's your plan?

[Colin Sledge]

What's my plan? Well, I was thinking about, you know, moving, getting a place here so I could sort of be in both cities at the same time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, if you got a place here, you wouldn't be in the other city at the same time.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, well, driving back and forth like. Well I sort of hit a bird on the way here and I don't want to drive back anymore because I have like a guilty conscience now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you hit a bird with your car?

[Colin Sledge]

It might have been two.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I was, was it some kind of jungle bird perhaps? According to my co host Brian Redban,

[Colin Sledge]

I think it was two doves. And I don't know if I hit both or just one but I was. Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were they turtle doves? Perhaps.

[Colin Sledge]

I, I don't know, I'm colorblind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you might have the worst luck on planet Earth if you hit turtle doves. That means you're going to have a rough Christmas from what I know.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, it felt spiritually very damaging.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it. Tremendously bad luck. Doves mate for life. So you killed one of them?

[Colin Sledge]

The other one? Yeah, don't remind me. I don't want to widow a dove. I kind of hope that I got both of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. You were asking about a job, right? Like what was your plan for a job?

[Colin Sledge]

I think he Just wanted me to move out of my parents house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was like, what's the plan? You're like, oh, let's just get another place. Oh yeah, yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

I teach piano and I do comedy and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, sick.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you like living with your parents? It's pretty. Yeah, we're close.

[Colin Sledge]

Pretty chill. You know, I have a garage apartment, so I, you know, there's some degree of space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Just make sure your dad doesn't warm up the car in the morning. You fucking die, dude. So how long have you lived in the garage?

[Colin Sledge]

I guess when I moved back from college they might have built it so I would be further away from them, but. Yeah, it was around that time. Huh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

College. College. Okay.

[Colin Sledge]

Did I say it weird?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I'm sorry. So it's separate from the house. There's not a direct doorway. Yeah. Okay, that's exciting.

[Colin Sledge]

And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But when you say garage, does it mean there's a garage door on the front?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, there's a, there's a garage door and then there's a regular style door next to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh. But you, that's, that's just all you in there. There's no cars in the garage?

[Colin Sledge]

Well, there's, there's one car in the garage you can pull in the garage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you sleep next to a car?

[Colin Sledge]

No, there's an apartment above the garage.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Above?

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah, it's a garage apartment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah.

[Colin Sledge]

I don't sleep next to the car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you're so close. You're saying it like I'm the asshole. You sleep directly above a car. So whether it's your next door neighbor or it's just below you. Yeah, you're next to a car. Yeah. Up or down? Side to side. Yeah.

[Jason Vest]

From, from.

[Colin Sledge]

That's fair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're next to a car, buddy.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Basically the car is on the bottom bunk. You're in bunk beds with a car as far as I'm concerned. What kind of car is it?

[Colin Sledge]

It's. It's my stepmom's BMW, Susan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. Seems like there's one thing in that garage that your parents don't want to live without.

[Colin Sledge]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the BMW. Do they ever hint to you that it's maybe time to like get away from them?

[Colin Sledge]

Not really. But you know, I sort of. I sort of feel like it is time anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have siblings?

[Colin Sledge]

I do have, I do have a brother. He lives in Honduras.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See, your brother is moved very far of your parents garage.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. In fact, in Honduras there's a chance of hitting an actual jungle bird. There it is. The sound of a jungle bird, everybody. Colin, you got it started with the new minute. Congratulations. Fun times. That's the way that it works. Golden ticket winner with a strong minute to show you how it's done, Colin Sledge. Now, this is where things get interesting, because we go to the sweet spot. Sweet Bucket of Destiny, which means we're about to either meet somebody or see somebody again that most likely meets somebody. That. These could be crazy people. It could be the next great talent of the show, or it could be pure insanity. They could be a 15, 20 year veteran of comedy. They could be a couple months in. It could be their first time. It could be whatever. You get it. Ladies and gentlemen, your first Bucket poll of the night goes by the name of Surge am. Surge am. Here we go.

[Surge Am]

Oh, what's going on, guys? Here in Austin? Yeah, that guy lived in my garage. Oh, no. Yeah. Someone once told me that human trafficking is horrible. I look back and I go, hey, man, just because that's how I got to this country doesn't mean that you could fucking talk shit about my life. You know what I'm saying? My sister's part of the LGBTQ community. Clap it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But for her. But for her.

[Surge Am]

That stands for let's get another bottle of tequila. You know, fucking drunk. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it doesn't make sense. You know what doesn't really make sense? She's bisexual and she works at Chick Fil A, so technically, she's a LGBTQ CIA agent. Yeah, yeah. Immigration got it last week. Yeah. People will say I'm a happy drunk. Just hasn't gotten drunk enough. Have you ever woken up still drunk driving on the street? All right, sir. Jn, thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Repeating his name at the end of his set like he wants you to remember where you saw that magic come from. Sir. Jm Forget the name. Wow. How long you been doing Stand up, Serge?

[Surge Am]

I've been doing it for about a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How often. How often are you working this out?

[Surge Am]

So I started my early 20s, but. And I started at the Secret Group in Houston, and I just came out to Austin. I watched Kiltoni. I saw Enrique Chacon on. I was like, dude, I remember this guy. I moved from Colorado to Austin, so I can, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been in Austin for?

[Surge Am]

About a month. I've been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About a month. And you've been doing a lot of open mics and stuff.

[Surge Am]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So doing those jokes.

[Surge Am]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And people are laughing in the room at these open mics. Yes, they are.

[Surge Am]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it mostly comedians? Is it.

[Surge Am]

Sometimes they're comedians. Sometimes there's actual audience. Audience members and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, here's the catch, Serge. Is that almost nothing you said made any sense whatsoever? So if there are people laughing, you're performing in front of insane people. That's the good news and the bad news.

[Colin Sledge]

Heard.

[Surge Am]

Yeah, I got you. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ryan o'. Neill. This is why we can't have Latinos anymore. Sir, you're fucking it up. Yeah, yeah. You're ruining it for everybody. Your first joke. The guy sleeps in my garage, but we just talked to him about how he slept in his parents garage for 29 years. The other years of Mississippi State, so that didn't make sense. Human trafficking. People complain, but that's how I got here. Not really a joke. Sister. Sister's gay, but she's lgbtq. Let's get another bottle of tequila. Doesn't make. Not. Not a joke. Yeah, like you're calling, well, my sister's a drunk. Like that's a setup. Y. Yeah, yeah. She works at Chick fil A, which makes her lgbtq CIA. Why? Why? Why does that make her CIA working at Chick fil A? Explain that one. Just. Let's just. Let's just go with that one. I have questions. I have more questions than a 60 second set should ever have about specifically your 6. I don't even care about your life. I'm obsessed with how weird that set was. So explain the CIA Chick fil A. I don't know.

[Surge Am]

I just. You know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know. No, I do.

[Ari Maddi]

I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wrote it. You should at least have some weird theory.

[Surge Am]

I thought about the letters. I just added the CIA at the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But. But. But if it was Chick fil A, why would it be CIA?

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, no.

[Surge Am]

I. Huh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't look at the audience for help.

[Bill Williams]

His.

[Surge Am]

His sweaty armpit. I just like. Oh, my bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Well, no, stick with me up here, buddy. I'm getting easily distracted.

[Surge Am]

Yeah, yeah. So. I don't know. I came up with it. I was drunk one night and just thought about it and I thought. I thought it was. Personally, I thought it was funny. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. I think it's a good joke. Thank you. I think it's a good joke. Serge, look, he's just setting it. He's an artist. He's just setting the table. He doesn't have to feed you.

[Max Sadawi]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what I mean? And then at the end, you Said your sister got deported by immigration, but that. That didn't happen either, right?

[Surge Am]

Yeah, no, it did not happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Is your sister really gay?

[Surge Am]

She is gay.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know?

[Surge Am]

She has a girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Surge Am]

I do not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Surge Am]

I'm a server at the moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you're a server? Yeah. Okay.

[Surge Am]

Yeah. At a restaurant called Sawgrass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. Oh, you D. You made a noise there. You like Sawgrass?

[Timmy No Breaks]

You do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you get when you go to Sawgrass? D Madness. Tell the. Tell the truth. Oh, you're saying steak. You're lying.

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Really? Okay. Okay, dude. Real answers from the great D Madness. A steak? Hell, yeah. Ex fiance. That's a sad. Oh, you got D mad already? Maybe for you. You guys can't hear what he's saying. Might be sad for you. You ass. Punk ass. D does not let anyone get a thing in on him, by the way.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D, how do you like your steak? Medium rare. Medium rare? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. All right, Serge, what do you do for fun? Give us one good redeeming quality about you. Something that's gonna make this whole room like you out of nowhere.

[Surge Am]

I just. I used to make music and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of music would you make?

[Surge Am]

I just freestyled and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

listen to the noise the crowd makes when there's someone that we all know will not be good at freestyling. There is a 0% chance this is going to go good. This is going to be incredible. Chris o'. Connor. It's just letters. Lgbtqcia. I was having a really good day up until now, until I got pulled out of the bucket. Turns out I suck at this. All right, Surge, how long did you freestyle for? This is something you took kind of seriously.

[Surge Am]

Yeah. Yeah. I moved out of Colorado, and we were. I was just making music and music videos and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, talk. Talk to Michael about a beat. Michael, play it nice and light so that we can all hear exactly what the hell he's saying. And this, ladies and gentlemen, on a show where absolutely anything can happen is Surge Am.

[Surge Am]

Yeah, I guess my set was actually pretty phony. I don't even know. I got my 60 seconds on kill. Tony, clap it up. Here we go. Once again. When I shine I will never show anybody that I pretend. Yo, fuck it, my sister is gay. I made it every day as my motherfucking host. But you know that I don't even care about these hoes. Imma go getter. Yeah, that's Me. Everybody knows when I never fucking sleep, I write stupid jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that was exactly how I thought it was gonna go. Serge, here's a little joke book. Oh, boy. Wow. Wow. There he goes. Serge am. Everybody make some noise for Serge. He tried his best. Tried his best. Oh, listen to that, pop. The great Heidi has arrived, everybody. There she is. Live in the flesh. All right, keeping it moving along. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Jason Vest, everyone. Jason Vest.

[Jason Vest]

I lost my virginity at the Asian massage parlor by a saggy, tittied, wrinkly, old ass Asian woman that looked like Mr. Miyagi. She had a raspy voice. She was like spillo y. Her name was Mama San. She taught me many lessons, and this is what she taught me. When paying for pussy at the Asian massage parlor, always tell Mama San you have a latex allergy. Even when you don't, there's a pretty good chance she cannot accommodate your request and you'll get bareback sex for free. Make sure your happy ending ends with you nutting in that bitch's cervix. Yeah, drain your ball sack, not your bank account. Always tell Mama, son. Always ask Mama San if she's got a new girl on rotation. Add some variety to your Asian pussy portfolio, guys. Geez.

[Micah Brown]

All right.

[Jason Vest]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Jason Vest admitting to rape as his comedy set tonight. Whoa, whoa. How are you doing?

[Jason Vest]

Good, Tony. I'm doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've always wondered what Santa's elves do in the off season. This is incredible. So last time you were on this show before, and you did, you talked about a lot of crazy, like, sex stuff, and here you are, guns a blazing. Right on. Brand, is any of this true?

[Jason Vest]

Oh, yeah. I'm the Anthony Bourdain Asian man. I was always going to massage parlors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And what happened? You said that like it's in the past. Now you no longer go.

[Jason Vest]

I'm reformed. And now I just help men achieve success by giving advice. Helping. Helping my brethren out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you reform?

[Jason Vest]

How did I reform? I got married, okay. And she said, well, you can't be having sex with Asian pussy anymore. So I've been married for 20 years, guys. 20 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. 20 years. Years. No one's excited about.

[Jason Vest]

Do a woman. Do a woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's going to love this set. Yeah, love. Amazing. So, Jason, remind us, how long you been doing standup?

[Jason Vest]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what do you do for work?

[Jason Vest]

I'm retired from the National Guard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Wow. Thank you for your service.

[Max Sadawi]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where did you serve exactly? The North Pole. There it is the sweet song. Santa landed on the roof he wants to see.

[Jason Vest]

I was a recruiter for the National Guard in Jackson, Michigan. Lake George, New York. And I worked in Chicago, Illinois too,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for a little while. Okay, wow. Some of the most. Some of the places where we need our military the most. Okay, what's the craziest thing that happened? What's the most like, violent thing you had to do in the military at the National Guard?

[Jason Vest]

Most violent thing I ever had to do. I never really had to do anything violent. I was a recruiter. So it was like a basic job. People come in and they want to join the military. You lie to them to get them to join. It's just a simple process.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's a trick you would use to get them to join?

[Jason Vest]

I would tell them anything. Like, let's say someone came in and they wanted to be a cook. Right. Being a cook. Nobody joins the military wants to cook the damn food. They want to do cool Rambo shit. So I'd be like, listen, you're going to be like an executive chef for the president or some shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, very.

[Jason Vest]

I was a top recruiter for the Michigan Army National Guard. Tony, we talked about this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Damn, brag a lot.

[Jason Vest]

Braggadocious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Okay, Jason, what's something interesting about you that we didn't find out last time you were on the show?

[Jason Vest]

Something interesting about me? I am a compulsive eater.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Let's talk about it.

[Jason Vest]

I mean, my wife's got to hide the peanut butter jars. I am a compulsive eater. Recovering alcoholic. And I just treated for food. I just traded booze and everything for food. And I just compulsively.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most piggish thing you've ever done? Eating food?

[Jason Vest]

I spent $45 in DoorDash from Whataburger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's actually not that bad. Yeah, it's like I seen your food order. I follow you. Yeah, those middle of the night Instagram stories by Redb Wendy's. Oh yeah, no doubt about it, Chase. And what does your wife do?

[Jason Vest]

My wife is a photographer and she works for an orthodontist office. And so she like runs like a call center. She works from home and she helps me edit my videos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. And remind us, what kind of videos are you making, Chase?

[Jason Vest]

I make content. I make a lot of massage parlor videos where I use my past experiences to help men get Asian pussy. Like I do. I do that as a service.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, no one needs this advice.

[Jason Vest]

Have you been?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. You just pay for Sex.

[Jason Vest]

It's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, that's the point.

[Surge Am]

Etiquette.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How dare you? The condom is for your protection. Oh, no. I go bareback, brother. Bareback. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

[Jason Vest]

Bareback.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are the weirdest dude. Can't quite figure it out. You're an interesting guy. What's the craziest video that you've ever made?

[Jason Vest]

The craziest video I ever made was a true story. So I got on Kill Tony the last time, and my social media clips blew up. I told a drunken story, and these big corporate whiskey lobbyists reach out to me and ask me to make content to get people to stop drinking Crown Royal. Because in Canada, they're throwing American whiskey off the shelves over this Donald Trump tariff bullshit, and they wanted me to make videos. And first off, I grew up in Michigan on the Detroit border. I'm like, I didn't feel comfortable doing it. And the guy was like, it's $700 for a 30 second video. I'm like, fuck Canada. Some of the best stories are drinking American whiskey. Am I right? Jack Daniels. Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fireball. All right, Jason, what. What size joke book did you get last time?

[Jason Vest]

I got a big one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, guess what? Here's a little something to add to your collection. It's a little one. Ah, the first catch of the night. Jason Best. There he goes, everybody. Whoa. I just accidentally ripped this in half. That's a first, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise. You guys having fun out there, huh? Couple of very odd bucket pulls to start the show, but it's okay. Make some noise for your next bucket poll. Patrick Lake, everyone. Patrick Lake.

[Patrick Lake]

When when cops that are looking to get laid get rejected, do they jump straight into stop resisting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stop resisting.

[Patrick Lake]

Stop resisting. A doctor's office from my hometown was raided. The doctor there was arrested and charged with crimes related to trading sex for pills and sexual imposition on patients. And as a patient of that practice, when news broke, I couldn't believe that someone told. That was Dr. Feelgood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I went to Doc for back pain,

[Patrick Lake]

and everything started normal enough. Doc started checking me over and then doing those resistance checks, you know. Don't let me push your arm down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good.

[Patrick Lake]

Then the other side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good.

[Patrick Lake]

Don't let me pull your pants down. Wait, what? But before I could say anything, my pants and drawers were at my ankles. And Doc said, don't let me make you come. Well, doctor. And as I stood there getting topped off by my doctor, I realized I didn't know my insurance covered this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I didn't even have CO pays Patrick Lake. Hello, buddy. How are you doing?

[Patrick Lake]

Well, how are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good. How long you been doing stand up?

[Patrick Lake]

Just celebrated three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How did you celebrate? By being worse than ever. Did you celebrate by burning every joke you've ever written and starting from absolutely absolute scratch?

[Patrick Lake]

That's something like that, yeah.

[Bill Williams]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. Where was this? Three years at hell. I'd imagine that if you die and go to hell, you're the full time comedian. You know, keep doing your act 24 hours a day and everybody has to stay awake and watch it all the time. Yeah, close.

[Patrick Lake]

Dayton, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dayton, Ohio. Pretty close. One of the closest cities to hell on planet Earth. Patrick, what do you do for work?

[Patrick Lake]

Material scientist was how I spent most.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly is a material scientist?

[Max Sadawi]

Scientist.

[Patrick Lake]

A nerd. I've got a background in chemistry, chemical engineering, and then specialize in nanomaterials.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what exactly are nanomaterials?

[Patrick Lake]

Like an additive to composites and parts, excellent properties into like, aerospace and defense applications. Mostly used by the military.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And do you have to wear like a hard hat or a mask or something?

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, occasionally, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, like a mask, mask.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Is it dangerous?

[Patrick Lake]

I mean, it can be if you were like trying to eat it or breathe it. Yeah. But as long as you handle it safely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever seen anybody eat it or breathe it?

[Patrick Lake]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You've never seen anything go wrong with nanomaterials?

[Patrick Lake]

I personally have not, no. Yeah. Trying to be safe practices and all.

[Surge Am]

Are you thinking about all that up

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

shit while you're working with nanomaterials?

[Patrick Lake]

No, I got into comedy as like a, you know, kind of a relief,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a release, kind of. Let's just take the night off. You ever drug and rape chicks in a hospital? Just trying to relax here, guys. Just trying to. My.

[Patrick Lake]

My dot got me started off on the wrong foot.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You married?

[Patrick Lake]

I was just recently divorced.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How recently did you get divorced?

[Patrick Lake]

First, like it finalized two months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two months. Fresh on the market. How long were you married for?

[Patrick Lake]

15 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

15 years. Explain to me what went wrong.

[Patrick Lake]

I think it was an accumulation of things, but it came as a big surprise to me. I thought we were in counseling and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about the accumulation, if you don't mind, because this is the most interesting thing about. Since you arrived at the stage. This, you know, the interview here is like kind of raw.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah. Nanomaterials.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Pretty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Nanomaterials. Wasn't cutting it. So when you say there was an accumulation of things that the 15 years went wrong, what do you mean? Exactly.

[Patrick Lake]

Well, she was catching a lot of bodies during those 15 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. How do you know she. She was catching bodies?

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, there were. There were lots of signs.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us some of the signs? We're all very interested.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, well, sti.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Now we're talking. This is very compelling. Give this guy a round of applause, huh? That's what I love about this show is all of a sudden it just hits you out of nowhere, and at least I'm on the edge of my seat. Ryan o'. Neal. You feel good about this, right? Yeah. Was this all happening while you were collecting turquoise?

[Micah Brown]

Like what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Patrick Lake]

I got distracted. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Should have spent more time paying attention.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep your eye on the prize.

[Patrick Lake]

That's right. Yeah. It's a pretty stone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Know. Okay, so sti. And you. So you caught an sti. Which one? Out of curiosity.

[Patrick Lake]

Actually, I didn't. She did. And it would just on one of those appointments, I was like, hey, honey, you want me to come along? And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, and you went along with her,

[Patrick Lake]

and I went along.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're in the room and the doctor says, well, you have.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah. Oh, I'm just going to go ahead and send in some.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's a suspicious man right there. I'm going with you. Yeah, I want to see what it says. My God. I want to see the lab results. Yeah. I find this so compelling. So can you kind of paint the picture for us? Yeah.

[Patrick Lake]

I mean, like, she had a fishy smell. And I was like, yeah, that'll do it. This is a little bit odd. And then, you know, she was kind of trying to glaze past that with the doc, and I was like, you know, hey, honey, what about that little fishy smell? And then, you know, the doc did a swab, and as soon as she got close to my then wife, she said, oh, nope, I'm going to call in a prescription for antibiotics. And I said, well, do I need some too? And she said, oh, no, you'd be fine. There's only a.

[Surge Am]

You sure?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's just not Filipino shit. Known for the smell. So the reason why you didn't need a swab, I'm guessing, is because you guys weren't actively having sex.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, the thing that she was diagnosed with there was bv, bacterial vaginosis, which apparently us fellas don't have to take

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

something for us, right? So. So did she admit to you, like, on the spot, on the drive home?

[Patrick Lake]

Oh, no, no. And she's going to deny till she's dead. She's like, you know. I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but how do you.

[Patrick Lake]

You don't get these things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know that she definitely did something?

[Patrick Lake]

I mean, there were girls trips and there were, you know, there's. She left her, like, message board open on the computer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What messages did you see? Just out of curiosity.

[Patrick Lake]

I mean, like, making plans for, like, you know, meetups in the woods when she'd go on. She's a run.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Patrick Lake]

In the woods.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah. The old jungle bird has arrived again. Go ahead.

[Patrick Lake]

There's. There's two reasons for that. One, I live in Yellow Springs, Ohio, so it's like a crunchy town. Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Patrick Lake]

And two, she's Portuguese, and that's like, where the prostitutes go into the woods, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? That's the thing with Portuguese women. Portuguese. Portuguese.

[Patrick Lake]

It was wild. The first time I was in Portugal, driving to the beach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Portuguese. Okay. How do you know Portuguese? Swimming in the woods. That is a stereotype I never heard. I thought I. All I do all day is I study stereotypes. I've never heard this one.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, we were on, like, a family excursion in Portugal, like, to the beach, and we had to, like, drive through a section of, like, a wooded area, and there's like, clearly a prostitute standing at the edge of the woods. And I was like, what is a woman doing in a nightgown, like, at 11 o' clock in the morning next. You know, I mean, it's like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not that this episode is brought to you by Bluechew, by the way. It's a little fun fact. ZipRecruiter and Shopify. Wow, this is so interesting.

[Jason Vest]

It's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were there any Ryan o'?

[Ari Maddi]

Neill?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I. Yeah, I like how you led with girls trips when you have messages of her meeting in the woods. Yeah, you should have just led with that.

[Patrick Lake]

Well, I mean, you know, she was. She was indiscriminate terms of gender, you know, hooking up with guys and girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting. Do you know what kind of red band's hard as a rock right now? Do you know she grow up here or did you import her?

[Patrick Lake]

An import.

[Colin Sledge]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really did. Where did you find her? Online.

[Patrick Lake]

We actually met at a conference. Yeah, we were at a scientific.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it a Sex Addicts Anonymous conference? Okay.

[Patrick Lake]

No, it was like a science and engineering conference. I was like, wow. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you could take the girl out of Portugal, but you can't keep her out of those woods. You know what I'm saying? That's the old.

[Patrick Lake]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a science conference.

[Patrick Lake]

It really Was. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was she a scientist, too?

[Patrick Lake]

Yep. Yep, she is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You think she'd be better at covering her tracks? One would think it must rule to be a kid in Portugal. Go into the woods. It's just. Just pussy everywhere. That's all we did as kids. You go into the woods and, like, ride bikes and shit, look for pornos. There's just naked ladies walking around. It sounds like they're eating each other out. It's amazing. Build a fort, get your ticks on. You know, the usual kid stuff. Wow. But you didn't have any kids with her or anything?

[Patrick Lake]

Oh, we do. We had two kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. Okay. So you got kids. Are they yours?

[Patrick Lake]

They are, yeah. Yep. I like. Yeah, my kids look exactly. I've got three kids. They all look exactly like me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure? Really? Are you positive?

[Patrick Lake]

Like, really positive?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Patrick Lake]

I have a girlfriend now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure one of them doesn't look like a tree or something like that? Do you have a brother?

[Patrick Lake]

I do have a brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there we go. Has she ever hung out with your brother, perhaps?

[Patrick Lake]

I mean, yeah. I mean, yes. Yeah.

[Surge Am]

Wow.

[Patrick Lake]

I'm not too worried about that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you should be. You should be. What does your brother do? He's a hunter. Amazing. Well, Patrick, like I said, the set was one thing, but you know what? Your interview was so goddamn badass that I'm giving you a big joke book. A big black one, just like your ex wife's probably has right now.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Definitely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. There go goes Patrick Lake, everybody. All right. Damn. Damn. That was a hell of an interview. Oh, my goodness. All right. This looks like a brand new name. I know it for a fact. That's always exciting. Makes the noise for Wisdom Anderson. Wisdom Anderson is the fourth bucket poll.

[Wisdom Anderson]

God damn. That was a bad bitch up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shit.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Where'd y' all find her at? God damn. Let's get to the minute. Like, I heard y' all talking about stereotypes earlier, and I probably did the blackest shit you could probably do. I got fired by a white woman on Juneteenth. Like, I mean, how the fuck does that even happen? I thought that was the one day y' all was supposed to chill on us. Just the one fucking day y' all was supposed to chill on us. But God is a colorful asshole like that because if he wouldn't have did that, I wouldn't have been here. So I'm like, I know you was looking out for me. I know you was looking out for me. But I should have known, though. Some shit started to happen different in my life, I started looking at white women a little bit differently. Started looking a little bit better to me. I said, I got to be coming into some motherfucking money because only money can get a white woman to start talking to you. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck is going on right now. Okay? Y' all looking at me like, this nigga is not fucking funny. I knew I was going to get

[Vinnie Flores]

you with that one.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I knew I was going to get

[Surge Am]

you with that one.

[Wisdom Anderson]

But I like to get into the riffing and shit. I wasn't going to come up with a fucking set. Y' all got to pay me for that. This shit for free. Oh, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wisdom Anderson, Is that your real name? Wisdom?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Fuck no. I got a slave name. My name is Elgin. Come on now, that sounds like some shit. You get on your feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's better than wisdom. I mean, Wisdom sucks. Wisdom sucks. Wisdom, how long you been doing stand up comedy? Better question, how do you look like both main characters from the hit movie White Man Can't Jump? You look like Wesley Snipes in the body and face. And you have the hat of Woody Harrelson in that movie.

[Wisdom Anderson]

You know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Woody's hat and everything else. Wesley Snipes. This is incredible.

[Wisdom Anderson]

You know what it was? I played baseball. That's what it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I played baseball.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What position?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I had two parents. That's. That's why I got to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's go one question at a time here, Elgen. No, I'm kidding, Wisdom. All right, so how long you been on standup?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I've been funny my whole life. In front of black people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess you just stopped before you came out here.

[Jason Vest]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, so how long you been doing stand up?

[Wisdom Anderson]

20, 21.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I wrote my first joke during COVID It was a fucked up time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, relax. Let's just go one question. Are you on drugs or anything right now?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Next question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, crack is the answer, everybody. So this is.

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, no, no, no. Just a little bit of trees. A little bit trees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, a little bit of trees. Well, no cocaine. No. Okay, when you say a little bit of trees, did you. The last guy's wife. Okay, next question. Stick with me here. I mean, what do you do for work? Exactly? Did you really get fired on Juneteenth?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Why would the. I would come up. Yes, that really happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Some people write jokes.

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, no, no. That really. I only talk about my real life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so. Okay, very good. You might want to try jokes.

[Wisdom Anderson]

You gotta switch it up. I get paid for real jokes. I wouldn't come up here and tell a real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, stick with me. Stick with me here. Wisdom. Now that's wisdom. Yeah. Hey, how often do you get paid for real jokes? What are we talking about here?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Last October, I did the House of Blues in Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I mean, how did you get that gig? You didn't headline it, right? It wasn't live from the House of Blues. Wisdom Anderson.

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, no. I was a feature act because I'm on the radio and I tell jokes. On the radio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

DJ? No DJ.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I'm a personality. I work for iHeart, so I actually write jokes for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay, got it. Don't get mad with.

[Wisdom Anderson]

No, no, I'm great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so he write jokes for the radio. The first joke that you wrote during COVID what was that joke? Do you remember?

[Wisdom Anderson]

It was about white people getting free kidneys. It was something about that. It was about alcohol and kidneys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You made D Madness ashamed of his race. So he's gonna. He's gonna step away for a second. He's gonna come back in white face. Okay, so what job did you get fired from on Juneteenth?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I was working at smu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Smu? Explain to the people exactly.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Y' all know what that is? It's a lot of white people. There's Southern Methodist University.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What were you doing at a university? What exactly were you mopping up at a university?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I told you, Tony, I come from a two parent black household. I played base. I played baseball. You know, I gotta be a little smart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so let's go back to the questions, smart guy. What was the job that you had at the university?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I was teaching tech.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were teaching tech?

[Micah Brown]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how and why did you get fired?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I made white children tears.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You made white children's tears? Yes. Okay, what did you do to make white children cry?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I told him, hey, you're selfish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what was the context of this? Wisdom.

[Wisdom Anderson]

He was being selfish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was going on? Wisdom.

[Wisdom Anderson]

He wanted the teacher to only solely focus on him. Can you. So, so we. So I teach tech students to teach youth tech. So the teacher in the classroom, you're like Tech nine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's just get off of this whole confusing university thing. The ring around your neck. Whose ring is that? Where did you get. Get that from?

[Wisdom Anderson]

I mean, Amazon. You can find anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bought that off Amazon?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Yeah, why wouldn't I. Why would I buy real gold? I can't really get that Shit from Africa. Shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why the fuck would I buy real gold? Every single answer that you've given on this show is psychotic.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Yes, it's supposed to be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The last comedian that was up gave honest answers about his whore ex wife and crushed. It was so interesting.

[Wisdom Anderson]

You. You didn't ask about that. Well, I can tell you this, okay? I haven't in probably about 276 days. So that should let you know I'm married. That should let you know. Right there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Roughly.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Right there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Roughly 276 days.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Roughly 276. I've been keeping count. If any married men are in here, y' all know the problem. Y' all know the problem.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're married.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Oh, y' all don't. Oh, it's just me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm trying so hard with you. You are on the show right now. Do you know this? Yes. Okay. You're married. This is where you would answer the question. Are you? Okay, so the ring around your neck, when I asked, what's the ring?

[Wisdom Anderson]

It's not a wedding ring, okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just a random ring.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Just a random.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't wear a ring on your finger?

[Wisdom Anderson]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Why?

[Wisdom Anderson]

When you're not at home, I gotta somehow my side let me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you're not. But you just said you didn't have sex in two. Do you see why this interview isn't a real interview? Okay, so you're admitting to having sex. Stick with me here. You're admitting to have sex. This is why radio is completely dead, by the way. It's because they don't really communicate with people. They're not thinking anybody's listening.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I don't talk about this on the radio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I know you don't talk about this on the radio. You're not allowed. But you're allowed here. So you cheat on your wife. You already said it.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I'm blessed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, I'm just trying to ask you. I'm trying to confirm or where you could go. No, I was kidding.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Look at me. You know, bitches want to me. Tony, come on now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God, dude. I tried so hard. There he goes. Wisdom Anderson, everybody. There he goes. It's okay. Wisdom. There you go. There he goes. Wow. The rare uncharismatic black man. Very rare. A rare bird, if you will. A rare bird. No, that's not the black bird. No, it's the rare African bird. There you go. All right, your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, on this very interesting episode, make some noise for Vinnie Flores, everybody. Vinnie Flores.

[Vinnie Flores]

All right, so I'm A rookie to this comedy field, right? And one of the things that a lot of the veterans tell me is that you gotta be relatable. You gotta relate to your audience. So has anybody here ever done crack or heroin? See, when I was 17, I shot crack one day and heroin the next day with my older sister. We were in a motel on the run from the police, and she was actively being pimped out. That's never happened to anybody here. I'm just trying to be relatable here, guys. Listen, I'm sorry, all right? You know, it's not my fault, okay, that you guys didn't have a family full of people that love to make memories. And speaking of my sister's pussy. Yeah, you're goddamn right that shit got returned customers, ladies and gentlemen. That shit put food on the table. We had to leave every two hours. And you know, that deserves a purple heart because her pussy got absolutely murdered. All right, thank you. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Vinnie Flores keeping the exact momentum of every bucket pull so far tonight. Incredible. Is it just completely insane, people signing up now? It's exciting. No one wants to make it anymore, huh? People just want to come up here and absolutely just flop around. Vinnie, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Vinnie Flores]

About five months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five months. What made you start?

[Surge Am]

I.

[Vinnie Flores]

The show is a big reason, and also I want to stop this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are no longer contributing to a positive comedy environment in the world. Okay. What do you do for work, Vinnie?

[Vinnie Flores]

I work at a bar right now on 6th Street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a bartender or a door guy?

[Vinnie Flores]

Door guy, bar back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And. And how long have you lived in Austin?

[Vinnie Flores]

About five months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you live before that?

[Vinnie Flores]

Michigan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michigan?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. The rare Michigan Flores, huh?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, there's a few Max kids out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you doing for work in Michigan?

[Vinnie Flores]

I was a welder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welder?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why aren't you welding here? That's a good paying trade.

[Vinnie Flores]

I have about four years experience, and everyone out here has got, like, 20. So it's super competitive out here, so I have a hard time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unlike comedy. Right, I get it. Let's go somewhere a little easier. Wow. Vinnie, is it true about the crack and the heroin?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yes, that's all true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about that. Tell us about your history with cracking heroin.

[Vinnie Flores]

So I'm half white, half Mexican, and my white side is, like, Michigan white trash pretty much. So, yeah, my mom was addicted to heroin. And, yeah, I mean, I ended up. I got. I tried it one time with my Older sister. And then after that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old were you when you tried it?

[Vinnie Flores]

I was 17.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were 17 years old? And did you inject heroin or smoke it?

[Vinnie Flores]

Injected it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So 17 years old, you had never done it before? Had your sister been doing it?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, but she was actually on the run from a halfway house, so she had been given like some pill or something to where she couldn't take opiates. So she was shooting up crack. So that's why the day before I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ended up being cracked, she was injecting it.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like, melted down with vinegar? I guess.

[Patrick Lake]

I guess.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wolfgang fuck over here. Fucking teaching us how to cook crack. Wow. So she, like, helped you do it and showed you how to do heroin?

[Vinnie Flores]

I actually had to kind of coax her into it because, I mean, listen, I was young and at the time I was like, I'll try anything at least one time, you know, I want to. I want to experience the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I guess this is good for the world to hear what goes on to Michigan 17 year olds. This is the dragon that they're chasing. So tell us about the first time the heroine hit those veins of yours.

[Vinnie Flores]

So like I said, I already shot something the day before. And she told me that the first time you shoot something, you would puke. So I guess I kind of got that out of the way. And yeah, I was just sitting on the hotel bed and it hit me like a brick wall. And I just remember watching the Simpsons and trying to laugh and it was like a zombie laugh, like. And then I just passed out and I woke up wanting to do more heroin immediately.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so you started looking for heroin?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, so part of that story is since we were on the motel, my sister's boyfriend was also there who was pimping her out. And that night that I shot the heroin, she. We were going to get cigarettes from the gas station and we jaywalked. And they're all on the run for felonies. I'm just on the run for, like weed misdemeanor in Michigan. And we're in Ohio at the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody has warrants?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, everybody has warrants.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All three of you?

[Vinnie Flores]

It was us three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're jaywalking and we're jaywalking cigarettes.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is like a tourist ad for the state of Michigan. This is incredible.

[Vinnie Flores]

This was actually in Maumee, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, don't talk about my mom like that. Mommy. Ohio? I've never even heard of that. Top left corner.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, yeah. So I'm from Adrian, which is like it's 40 minutes from Toledo, so I'm, like, on the border. So if we want to do anything, we go to either mommy or Toledo area.

[Max Sadawi]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Which is. Okay. You got busted. Jaywalking, I'm guessing, is where the story is going.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah.

[Jason Vest]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Vinnie Flores]

And then so the cop, obviously, notorious

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

jaywalker, Constant Jaywalker D madness, is back, everybody. This motherfucker. Crosswalks do not matter to him. All right? Very famous jaywalker.

[Bill Williams]

Okay?

[Vinnie Flores]

So obviously, since he has felony felonies in his name, he immediately just got booked. And I'm a minor at the time, so they're like, okay, well, we need to take you to a guardian. And I had no choice but to go back to the motel where my sister and her boyfriend's friend was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And luckily, boyfriend's friend now all of a sudden. Go on.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, yeah.

[Vinnie Flores]

There was four of us. Okay. And then it could have been. It could have been fucking her. I don't know that everybody was fucking her, but,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah, marry a scientist right after this. Keep going, keep going. Just keep going.

[Vinnie Flores]

We went back to the motel, and then the cop just kind of let me go in there, and then he went away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then he didn't notice that you were on heroin at all?

[Vinnie Flores]

I wasn't on heroin yet. This is, like, right before that was. This was that night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Vinnie Flores]

And then I ended up doing his heroin, but I couldn't do, like, what he would normally do. I guess that's what she was telling me because I would overdose, so I only did a little bit and then skipped forward. Woke up wanting to do more, and turns out that the boyfriend's friend stole all the heroin, and that just left me and my sister in the motel. And then we were kind of fucked after that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Best Thanksgiving ever, right? Sounds like you were fucked before that, too. It also sounds like every time you did heroin, you would just fall asleep and then wake up craving it. No real enjoyment whatsoever. Often when I asked people what it was like after they did heroin, they're like, oh, my God, I felt like a billion dollars. It's a feeling unexpected, explainable. You're like, I went to sleep and woke up?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I would say it is probably, like, the best drug I've ever done. I mean, the feeling of it was like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you feel like you were five, nine? Vinnie, what's the coolest thing you've ever done in your life, other than heroin?

[Vinnie Flores]

The coolest thing I've ever done in my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Any big accomplishments? You ever saved somebody's life or do anything, you know, amazing. Win an award, perhaps.

[Vinnie Flores]

Nothing crazy like that. I used to play in band, so that's like. That was some of the coolest stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do in a band?

[Vinnie Flores]

I played g. I played guitar and bass. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Don't worry, I'm not asking you to play.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank God.

[Vinnie Flores]

Thank God.

[Colin Sledge]

That's what I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Denny, what ended up happening to your heroin using crack injecting sister, what's her only fans.

[Vinnie Flores]

She's doing good, supposedly, right now. I mean, she's a little iffy. She ended up marrying like some 50 year old and they had a wedding in mommy. And she was barefoot for that wedding.

[Colin Sledge]

And.

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah, so now she's just chilling, I guess. Just smoking weed. That's what she says. I mean, I don't know. They might be doing.

[Colin Sledge]

Correct.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you go to the wedding?

[Vinnie Flores]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I went to the wedding. Was he barefoot, too?

[Micah Brown]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why was she barefoot?

[Vinnie Flores]

It's white trash. I mean, she literally forgot her shoes at the. At the motel that they were staying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, it's.

[Vinnie Flores]

It's pretty bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michigan's gross. We have to start deporting half Mexicans, too. That's what this means to me. I don't know if you guys are with me on this, but I think we. I'm going to call my friends in the administration and say I support it if they're illegal.

[Vinnie Flores]

I support it 100%.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I support it. Okay, Vinnie. All right, buddy. Well, you know, here's a little joke book for you. You can't mix it with vinegar, melt it down, and then smoke it. But you can write some jokes.

[Vinnie Flores]

All right, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Vinny Flores, everybody. Keep writing. Keep trying. Vinnie. I had to tell people that so they don't relapse on heroin. And on their way out, they're like, okay, you told me to do it again. Like, keep signing up. Keep signing up, Vinnie. Keep writing and signing up. Vinny. Don't give up tonight, Benny. I'll see him slouched over in the alley tomorrow, okay? This is a moment that a lot of people have been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, the man I'm about to bring to the stage. This is only his second appearance ever on the show, ever. He's not a golden ticket winner, he's not a regular, but the man went so insanely out of control viral his last time on the show that I absolutely had to bring him back. A disruptor of the force of natural moving comedy. Some people are saying the next big thing, ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the long awaited return of Timmy no breaks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Who's ready for the best minute of their lives? What do you do for a living? You're a student, not what I'm looking for. What do you do for a living? Oh, fucking mother. What do you do for a living? And you, what do you do for a living? Time check. All right, come on, guys, let's go. What do you do for a living? Fuck you. Come on, you. What do you do for a living? I'm just trying to find a natural way into this fucking sushi chef joke. Does anybody work at an airport sushi restaurant? I mean, I relinquish my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, the hardest I've laughed all night. The long awaited return of the 4th of 6th Street, Timmy. No breaks, all gas, no brakes. This guy left a dinosaur paw print sized footprint on the show the last time he was on hard in the paint. Some people said the next big thing famously handed off his joke book to the man in the front row, whoever it was. And tonight threw his sunglasses at a person in the front row. It's becoming.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Give him back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timmy no Breaks has arrived. Back to the Kill Tony universe. Timmy, how we doing?

[Timmy No Breaks]

We're good. I'm a little disappointed, to be honest. I. I told you I wanted Dan Cook. No offense, I mean, you know, but fucking you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, you wanted him on the panel next time you were on. Is that what you said?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. I hit you up with some requests. They said a bucket of mhls. I said dan Cook. And you know, none of them are here, so I don't know what the fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I tried my best to get him. Wasn't easy. We have to settle for Chris o' Connor and Ryan o' Neal tonight.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're Ryan o'? Neal?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

This for you. You just got served. Got your ass. Open it up. Yeah. Why don't you show everybody what that is? Why don't you show everybody what that? That's a picture of my niece's volleyball team.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, rush this, man. Wow. All gas, no brakes. Indeed. The people's champ of kill, Tony, the

[Timmy No Breaks]

people's golden ticket winner. Bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right, the people's golden ticket winner. I'm gonna pretend. Pretend like you didn't call me a right there. Because I like you. We're going to keep it that way.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No disrespect, I respect what you're doing. I love you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Timmy. I love you too. So tell us, what does Timmy no breaks do when he's not on stage?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I Mean, Well, I recently got in some trouble. I went to play laser tag and brought a real gun. That was not good. Can I just say something, guys? When I hit a punch, give me some fucking trumpet. I mean, what's going on? Not yet. When I hit it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My God. So, Timmy, there's so many questions I didn't get to ask you last time you were on. Like, what's what? I can't even up imagine what a confident human like you. What is your love life like, Timmy? No breaks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I mean, I gotta say, it's definitely changed. I've had a bunch of bitches slide into my dam. I had Hillary Duff slide into my dams. Yeah, more like Hillary Muff that has a vagina. Fucking Mr. Clean. Clean out your fucking ears. God damn. I'm sorry, Tone. I'm sorry. Doing my best, but fucking, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So Hilary Duff slid into your DMs. Was this after the Kill Tony appearance?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, it was after. It was after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've really blown up from it. Tell us what life is like since that one appearance. You might be the most talked about human ever after only one appearance in the show's history. 12 and a half years of the show, and you might be, in 60 seconds, in one interview, the most famous character ever.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yes, it's been great. You know, I got to do David Lucas's fishing podcast, so I made it, By the way, where the. Was the trumpet there? Guys, come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think he deserves something a little more. That's like a negative horn you're given. It should be like A. Or something like that, right, Tone?

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, give me a D. You give

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

him a D. Give him a D. What's a D?

[Timmy No Breaks]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, okay, I see it now. I like it.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That was a D. That was a D. They nailed that one that time. That was a D. They really did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So, Timmy, no breaks. Where are you originally from?

[Timmy No Breaks]

So I'm from Jersey. You already asked me that. But that's okay, Tone? Yeah, Tony, it's okay for some of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the new people here.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh, yeah, you probably saw my Kill Tony, so this is just gonna be repeating it. But yeah, I'm from Jersey. What the fuck else is new?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And is there anything that you miss about New Jersey?

[Timmy No Breaks]

You know, I miss the morning spotlight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Spotlight for Timmy. No, Briggs, no doubt about it. Whatever Timmy wants. Every member of the Kill Tony crew should know whatever Timmy asks for, Timmy gets. From this point forward, there's a thumbs up from the great Yoni. Timmy, go ahead. What do you miss about Jersey?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I miss the mornings, you know, walking out, fucking walking up to bitches saying, hey, bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I'm talking about. That's what. Taco Bell.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. That's what I miss most, you know? We're good on the spotlight. Thank you. Well, good. We got out of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's my story. I'm sticking to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tone, I don't want to keep you up here all night, you know, I don't want to be a bother to you. Let me know when you want to go. You're the first person ever that I'm giving full creative control over here.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I'm good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on. You're good now. You want to go or you. You're good to. You're good to stay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Tony, it's your show. I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no. I'm. I'm literally, again, I've never told the crew, you get whatever you want. I've never given creative control to anybody. All right, Timmy, let's do this. Here's something I really want to know. And I don't know if I asked you this last time, but if I. If I did, I'd like to apologize in advance.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Tone. It's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. What? How do you make money, Timmy? No breaks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, you asked me that, right, Tone? You know, I used to sell weed. Before that I was selling coke. Now I'm just coasting on comedy. Tone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold the horns on that one. Hold the horns.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. It wasn't a punchline. That's for real. I'm doing big shows. Bigger, you know, I'm doing Heb. I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timmy, no breaks is doing Heb.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Let me. Let me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The grocery store or the arena.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Tony, you watch your mouth.

[Wisdom Anderson]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, Timmy. Sometimes I fall back on my habits here for making fun of people on this stage. Sometimes. I mean no disrespect to me.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, hey, no disrespect taken. Let me say this.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I think you have what it takes.

[Vinnie Flores]

I do.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I don't. I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want you to open for me

[Timmy No Breaks]

at Lucky Duck open mic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lucky Duck open mic. One of the best venues in Austin, Texas. No ceiling, no audience, and no breaks. Yeah. Timmy, what can I say that I haven't said a thousand times about the New York Yankees? I mean, you are just an absolute fucking empire of your own. A one man empire. Can I ask you? Where do you get a jacket like that?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Glad you asked, Tone, so my dad would take me in the spotlight. John Dees, let's go. So my father, he would take me to the circus all the time. They would shove these midgets down in this fucking cannon. One time they aimed it at a wall, shot this midget right into the wall. Bang, the midget slid down. Some guy put a fucking leather jacket over this midget.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I left.

[Timmy No Breaks]

And I got this at Goodwill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah, bitch. Wow. Timmy, I feel like if we keep you up here any longer, I'm gonna have to give you a percentage of the royalties of this episode, and I cannot begin to do that. So, I mean, I'm going to. Unless there's anything else you'd like to say or do, I'm going to give you. Or. Or we could talk about anything you'd like. If you'd like to ask me a question or anything. We could do anything you want.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Take your entire life, Tone. What's the most interesting thing about you?

[Ari Maddi]

Go.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Your entire life. Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, you know, it's a tough question. No, I mean, I. I guess the most interesting thing about me is probably that I.

[Timmy No Breaks]

It's not easy, is it? Yay,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timmy. No breaks. Let it be known that at this moment, I am without a doubt registering you as officially without it. Even though you don't want it and you don't need it. You are the newest, official golden ticket winner of Kill, Tony. You can come back anytime you want. The tour de force. The Sultan of 6th Street.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Thanks, Willy Wonka.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. I am excited to be opening for you at the Lucky Duck open mic. I will see you there next and we'll talk about the future. Ladies and gentlemen, one more time for the great Timmy. No breaks, everybody. Wow.

[Jason Vest]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Holy. One of those moments you'll never forget. Wow. All right. A bucket pole has to follow that. Not easy, ladies and gentlemen. Not easy. The chatter in the room, for those of you watching the show, is unbelievable. Men are proposing to their girlfriends. This guy's going to do some type of drug right now in the bathroom. There's a lot going on here. The place is in absolute chaos. And it's time for another bucket pool. Make some noise for Isabella Carrozza.

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah. My therapist introduced me to EFT tapping. Whenever you get nervous, you take deep breaths and tap on your face. She was like. Think of it as, like, a massage for your inner child. I don't think my inner child needs any more massages. I started going to therapy because I would get really bad anxiety in social situations and become a huge bitch to whoever I was with. And my boyfriends Would just be like, oh, it's cause you're Italian. And then I went to therapy and she was like, you have autism. And I was like, I'm Italian. She was like, you're retarded. During the pandemic, I worked as a cam girl. I didn't do anything. I just took my vibrator and did stand up comedy with it. The men were like, shut up and pee. Sorry, I. Fuck is that 60 seconds? It was like six minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was. Yeah, you got it right. Right when you said it, that was it. Isabella Carrozza, ladies and gentlemen. Isabella. Hi, Isabella.

[Brian Redban]

Hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on this show before, but it's been a while, right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, a few years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long you been on stand up?

[Brian Redban]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years. All of it here in Austin?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, mainly.

[Patrick Lake]

Love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Brian Redban]

I'm unemployed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unemployed. How do you survive?

[Brian Redban]

I'm a stripper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where are you a stripper at?

[Brian Redban]

I don't want to say, because last time men came in and asked me to fart on them, which is a real thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band. You naughty, naughty boy. Red band. Okay. Wouldn't that make you money?

[Brian Redban]

It did, but it was just. It was a lot. It was overwhelming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ran out of gas? Yeah, all gas, no brakes. Wow. Did you fart on the guy?

[Brian Redban]

I tried, he got. We went into the back for like an hour, and I made like $2,000. And I was like, I'm trying because during the interview, I said, if men get too handsy, I fart on. I was like, ha ha. But he took it serious and he went to the red rose and was like, wow. Yeah. I just said, where?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Went to the red rose. But it didn't smell like roses when you were done with them, huh? Isabella, how long have you been stripping

[Brian Redban]

for on and off? Like six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what are some of the. Other than the fart thing, what's some of the craziest stuff that you've seen? I imagine it's a lot at a strip club.

[Brian Redban]

What is Crazy stuff. I mean, sometimes, like, girls fight, but I feel like nothing really crazy. I've seen, like, you know, men will whip out their dicks, and that's terrifying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, but like, it's kind of like, I just kind of show up and take money and leave. It's kind of cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cool.

[Brian Redban]

It's an easy job. Yeah, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, guys, having a girl. What's the on and off? What brings you back into the game?

[Brian Redban]

I was like, I don't Know, I always kind of did it on the side of what I do. So I was like an ophthalmologist technician.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the Red man? Was that you? Part time optimum.

[Brian Redban]

Can I take a seat?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band's just accidentally hitting buttons over here. What's going on now? Wait, what just happened?

[Brian Redban]

Can I take a seat?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you just fart?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What just happened? Put my balls under there.

[Brian Redban]

I just like sitting when I'm on stage. Is that fine?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you do this at work video.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gotta stay in the frame. Okay. There you go. Wow. The world's laziest stripper. Everybody who wants a floor D? I have a Floridan's from Isabella.

[Brian Redban]

I am like the DMV worker of strippers. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean?

[Brian Redban]

I just, like, I have. I'm very cranky. I'm 29 now, so, like, I'm kind of over it. Who said that? Who did?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Who made that noise?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

29 is kind of old for a stripper, right? It is.

[Brian Redban]

Strippers age and dog years. I. Yeah, I'm 29.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you ever done a full nude strip club before in la?

[Brian Redban]

I did. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cooter balls. You ever do cooter balls? What's cooter balls? Explain to these people what cooter balls are. Our senior strip club correspondent Brian Red Band is here, ladies and gentlemen, where they sit there with their legs open. You try to, you know, crumble a ball and, like, make a basket inside their vagina.

[Brian Redban]

I would.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Disgusting. Red band. Gross. I can't believe you would ask that. Have you ever done cooter balls before?

[Brian Redban]

No. I would climb to the top of the pole, let go. I would not do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris o', Connor, how'd you become an ophthalmologist?

[Brian Redban]

No, I'm not an ophthalmologist. No, I just. Actually, I met the doctor at the strip club, and he was like, do you want a job?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Nothing crazy happens at the strip club. That's what you said before.

[Vinnie Flores]

That's insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

An ophthalmologist hired you?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've gotten a lot of random jobs and stuff like that from dancing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do at the office?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I don't work there anymore, but I would just, like, assess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

After she was Dee Madness ophthalmologist, she lost her job. So he used to have 2020 vision?

[Brian Redban]

No, just him in, like, surgery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She farted into his eye sockets and the rest is history. Have you ever been a nanny before?

[Brian Redban]

A nanny? No. I think I could Be good with kids.

[Ari Maddi]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you about to hire her to, like, cat sit for you or something? Yeah. Okay. Isabella, what do you do for fun when you're not doing standup or stripping, sitting on the floor?

[Brian Redban]

This weekend I went to Venice beach and I did, like, eight grams of mushrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

So much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, like, what. What happens when you're on mushrooms like that?

[Brian Redban]

Well, I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do in Venice Beach?

[Brian Redban]

It's fun. I once did 8 grams of mushrooms and went to the strip club, and that was crazy that it was on. I made a lot of money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you notice, were you on the beach obviously when you did it, or in a place?

[Brian Redban]

I was on the beach.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you notice that when the waves were coming in that the waves kept going through the sand?

[Wisdom Anderson]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was once on mushrooms at a beach and I saw this, and they just keep going. And you realize that it's all just one thing. Anyway, I had a. Just a quick question. A Mexican guy was on the beach, too. Grams, you're not. I feel like you're not even seeing the beach. Yeah, dude, you're in space.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, this guy gave me, like, a drink, so I, like, chugged it and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

what you should do.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Brian Redban]

And it was. It was a lot of fun. I had, like, you know how everybody rollerblades on Venice Beach? There's, like, this Mexican guy, like, plummeting towards me, and he was like, no, it was just the best time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was like, oh, by yourself?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I do that a lot. But now I feel like. I hate saying that on Kill Tony, because your fans are crazy and I'm gonna go missing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You sound like one of the fans. Wow, I'm anxious.

[Brian Redban]

Where are you guys from?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. It's the stripper in you. Fun times. Isabella, this is a. This is a medium sized joke book right here. That's a good one. Isabella Carruzza, ladies and gentlemen. Hell, yeah, man. Man. Good old. Ooh. There's been a lot of talk of birds on this episode. Look at the lovely Heidi, everyone. I mean, unbelievable. And this man's last name is Bird. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for bucket pool number seven. Mason Bird, everybody. Mason.

[Mason Bird]

A teenager told me I look like a school shooter the other day that shoots insulin instead of bullets. He was like. Your least favorite part of a school shooting would be missing lunch. It better not be pizza day, dude. I swear to God. I feel like the only way I can personally relate to Rosa Parks is when I'm walking through the center of an airplane and everyone's Staring at me like, that motherfucker better not sit next to me, dude. Barry taking his ass to the front of the plane where the big fellas belong. No, I get it, though. Like, I saw a dude fatter than me walking through the airport, and I was like, that motherfucker better not get on my plane, dude. It was a mirror.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mason Bird, everybody. The best set from a bucket pull of the night has finally happened here, more than halfway through the episode. Mason, a fantastic set. How long have you been on stand up comedy?

[Mason Bird]

About three years, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years? Where at?

[Mason Bird]

Mostly Detroit. I moved here a couple months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very nice. So you live here in Austin, Texas now?

[Mason Bird]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What do you do for work?

[Mason Bird]

I work at Jersey Mike's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Mason Bird]

Make it Mike's way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jersey Mike's official sponsor of Timmy. No breaks. How long have you worked at Jersey Mike's?

[Mason Bird]

About three months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three months. What did you do in Detroit when you.

[Mason Bird]

I was a sous chef at a bar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. All right. A sous chef at a bar. What exactly?

[Mason Bird]

I just like, did a lot of the prep, hiring, did most of the cooking on the line as well. I was like, everywhere.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think that it's good for a guy like you to constantly, constantly be working around food?

[Mason Bird]

Believe it or not, I actually, since I started working in the food, I lost like £150. I used to be £500.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Oh, my goodness. Incredible. What did you do to lose the weight? Tell Redban how you lost weight.

[Mason Bird]

It's just so I'd eat one meal a day. That way I could get. Cause I like to eat like 4,000 calorie meals, and I would just limit it to once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when you say 4,000 calorie meals, like, give a. Give us give this audience an example of like, what.

[Mason Bird]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The most piggish you've ever been.

[Mason Bird]

Oh, all right. I get. So I like to get like three chicken quesadillas from Taco Bell, two cheesy gordita crunches, and I get two drinks. That way they think the food's for two people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What drinks do you get? Just.

[Mason Bird]

You got to mix it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got.

[Mason Bird]

You got it. I like the Baja Blast and Cherry Pepsi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Amazing. Absolutely incredible. So you still eat the same type of stuff, but just once a day now?

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, just get it all in at once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, man. God damn. Fascinating. A funny guy. You have great jokes, great delivery. Everything's right on schedule. How. How long ago were you that fast that.

[Mason Bird]

Two years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So it's all Just happening fast.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Funnier and lighter at the same time. Constantly.

[Mason Bird]

We're trying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Amazing. Amazing. You guys, I just want to know, what time do you have to go bigfoot hunting tonight?

[Mason Bird]

He likes to come out around 2:30. US.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your glasses, can you see out of those? They're a little smeared.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, I touched my face. It was from the snack wrap earlier, I'm not gonna lie.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timmy, no cakes over here.

[Mason Bird]

Timmy, all cakes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. And you're also a ginger. You have that going for you.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Represent, Mason. What else? What do you do for fun? Tell us more about your life. What's interesting about you?

[Mason Bird]

I like to look at maps. Like, I know all the state capitals. I'm very proud of that. Yeah, I'm really into, like, maps and geography and topography and all that kind of stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that because you're shaped like a globe?

[Mason Bird]

Yes.

[Ari Maddi]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. What got you into maps?

[Mason Bird]

I've just always been super. Like, there's a Nat Geo thing when you were a kid, and I was super into that, like answering history questions and maps and stuff like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, other than maps, what else are you into?

[Mason Bird]

That's fair. I really like eating once a day a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you look forward to these meals? Oh, it's like, what time of the day do you usually execute the meal at?

[Mason Bird]

Anywhere from 11:30 to 12:30 at night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you wait all day?

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, I just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you go for it at night. Okay. Just unravels a big map and just eats all. Well, well, well. Oh, let's see. Here is anyone who knows all the state capitals has a lot of placemats in their lives. So let's just go for last night. For example. Do you remember your order last night, what you ate last night?

[Mason Bird]

Yes, I know exactly what I ate last night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was it last night? How many people want to hear what Mason Bird ate last night? Let's go. Single Spotlight on Mason bird.

[Mason Bird]

It was two snack wraps with ranch, two snack wraps, spicy, two McDoubles, large coke, and a large Sprite.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I've done that before. Yeah, I've done that before. This guy's like the rain man of meals.

[Vinnie Flores]

I bet you could give him any

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

date and he could tell you what he ate and what's state he was looking at on the map? Florida. Have you ever thought about with. When you're sacrificing all day and you're hungry and it's the last meal of the night and you. Or I mean, the first meal of the day at Night. Have you ever thought about replacing the most disgusting, heavy, caloric meals humanly possible with something healthy and losing, like, a few pounds in a day?

[Mason Bird]

Yeah. But the thing is, like, if I do that for two weeks, I explode and spend, like, $70 at taco bell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, so it's a. You'll just go out of control.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, it's like, I have to. Like, I'm gonna be out of control. We just have to learn how to dance with it. Yes, sir. How to dance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, that's map money. You know that? That's wild, man. When you get done with the meal, are you full?

[Surge Am]

No.

[Mason Bird]

Or you're like, all right, I'm more just, like, sad. And I'm like, man, I should have got another burger, dude.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what do you do? You just kind of go to sleep.

[Mason Bird]

Smoke weed, go to sleep. Sometimes I'll look at old, like, Facebook photos of me when I was really fat, and I'm like, I'm doing good, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, you are, buddy. Yes, you are. Redband. I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday, Mason Bird. And you have a big joke.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Bug.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Mason Bird has arrived to the kil. Tony Universe, ladies and gentlemen. How exciting is that? Thank you. One more time for Mason, everyone. All right, bucket bowl number eight, right down the barrel. Make some noise for Max Sadowi, everyone. Max Sadali.

[Max Sadawi]

Thank you. As you heard, my name is Max. It's not short for anything. I think my parents knew I was gonna be stupid. They took one look at me, they said, three letters, it's enough. I got an older brother. His name's Nathaniel. Yeah. I googled his name because I'm petty like that. Found out Nathaniel translates to gift from God. Beautiful. No, fuck him. Cause then I checked my name. My name is the number one name in the world for dogs. You know how many times I meet a girl, introduce myself just for her to say, oh, my God, that's my dog's name. It's not a good thing. She's not like, oh, my God, that's my dog's name. Let's go back to my place, we'll do a doggy. Maybe my imagination, she'd be doing that. She'd be like, who's a good boy? What else about me? I'm Jewish. Yeah. None of you look surprised. I get it. Nobody was falling out of their chair right now. No one was like, whoa, this guy's Jewish. Thought he was Swedish, maybe Irish, maybe Andrew Tate. I'm aware.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have a mirror.

[Max Sadawi]

All right. That's my time. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Max Sadowi, everybody. Am I saying that right? Sadawi.

[Max Sadawi]

You're honestly probably the first person to ever get my last name right. So thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. I get to open for Timmy. No breaks. Very excited about it. I have a new era of confidence around me. Max, welcome. Stand up's a newer thing for you. How long you been doing it?

[Max Sadawi]

I'd like to say just moved to Austin. So recently? Two months. But I was doing it abroad for a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Max Sadawi]

But not, like, consistent. Like, I'm doing it now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. When you say abroad, where were you doing it?

[Max Sadawi]

I was living. I was living in Thailand for a bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. Wow.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What made you want to hang out in Thailand for a while? What could possibly be there? Fewer Maxes

[Max Sadawi]

wasn't the plan. It just kind of happened during COVID

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you went during COVID Right before,

[Max Sadawi]

actually, I was traveling Southeast Asia, and then global pandemic hit, and you just stayed in. Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So tell us about that. Tell us about your adventures.

[Max Sadawi]

Okay, so January 8, 2020, I landed in Southeast Asia. I remember the date. And I was in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't think of, like, a war. That's about the worst time to land in Southeast Asia.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, Tony, it was amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you liked it?

[Max Sadawi]

It was great.

[Micah Brown]

Okay.

[Max Sadawi]

Yeah, I was. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how soon until you started little boys, Little boys, lady boys, whatever.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something went down there. Let's talk about it. Max, it's okay. Your parents are watching.

[Max Sadawi]

Never the lady boy, Tony. I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long were you in Thailand for?

[Max Sadawi]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm gonna ask you one more. What's your lady boy body count?

[Max Sadawi]

No one ever believes me. I get it.

[Surge Am]

Did you think about it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You thought about it.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, you think about it. Some of them are gorgeous. But that's. But that's a tell, Tony. That's a tell.

[Patrick Lake]

I know, I know.

[Max Sadawi]

I know. It's a lady boy. Because gorgeous women don't come up to me like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John Dees has a question. John, would you like to ask it in the microphone? I like the way you ask it. Say it the way you just said it. Are you gay, dog? Perfect. Nailed it.

[Max Sadawi]

I get called gay a lot in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me, too, buddy. But are you. Are you gay?

[Max Sadawi]

I'm not gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're not gay. Okay. What's the gayest thing you've ever done other than sound like that? Fuck ladyboys in Thailand and then lie about it for the rest of your life?

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, shit. The gayest Thing I've ever done, I was finger up the butt count as gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your own or your dad's? Jesus, their dad. Great, man. Okay, Max, what do you do for work?

[Max Sadawi]

So I was working as a scuba diving instructor. That's what I was doing over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Super gay.

[Max Sadawi]

Super gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Under the sea. Under the sea. Suck all the dicks under the sea. Okay. What made you stop being a scuba diving instructor, man?

[Max Sadawi]

Trying to take comedy more serious. So came down here. This is where all the hype is at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you stopped being a scuba diving instructor to come do comedy in Austin, Texas?

[Max Sadawi]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that what you were doing in

[Max Sadawi]

Thailand, being a scuba diving instructor?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. When you weren't inside of.

[Max Sadawi]

Yeah, that's what I'm doing in Thailand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Pulled that respirator right out of his mouth, and he got into comedy. Okay, Max, craziest thing that ever happened to you while scuba diving or instructing scuba diving.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This lady, boy, it's not gay if it's underwater. Come here, you little mermaid. Is that where you got finger in your ass?

[Max Sadawi]

If you want to. If we were getting honest, I did underwater, actually. That is something I did. Yeah. It's called the ten Meter Club.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Tell us about that. How does that go down exactly?

[Max Sadawi]

Yeah, so you got to find somewhere where there's, like, sandy, so there's no, like, corals or anything, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Max Sadawi]

And basically, you just put some extra weight than you normally would to get down there and make sure you're not wearing a wet suit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Max Sadawi]

And once you. Once you get down there, Basically doing a doggy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Doing it with the respirator on and everything.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is like when Red Band with his sleep apnea mask on. Very rarely do I make myself laugh quite as hard as I just did, But I pictured it, buddy. I pictured it. My old pal. All right, so how long did this sex underwater last? Just a ballpark.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, fair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By ballpark, I mean the fact that you both had balls. The person you were talking,

[Max Sadawi]

it wasn't long. It would probably be, like, maybe, like, five minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you came.

[Max Sadawi]

Yo, honestly, when I came, it was funny because we're both. It's called neutrally buoyant. So you're not on the bottom, you're not on the top. And 1,500.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. You prefer bottom.

[Max Sadawi]

Well, right. Right before I came, I basically just like, pushed her off, and she'd just see her go like. I never got to do that in my life. That was hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is pretty cool. That is cool. Was there, like, a Chum trail. Like when she.

[Max Sadawi]

The fish came.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, I bet they did. Not in that way. Not. They're like. This cum tastes like shit.

[Max Sadawi]

My family's gonna be watching this.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Of course.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. That's why you won't admit that you're gay. I know. That's what we know, Max. Amazing. What's it like being Jewish nowadays? How do you feel about everything? There's a lot going on. How do you feel about it?

[Max Sadawi]

We're doing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go right ahead. I'm gonna let you take control because that's what you people want. Oh, my favorite. Juioni's not laughing. I might be crossing a line right now.

[Max Sadawi]

Oh, man. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a delicate line to be crossing right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know you guys have your lines and your borders, and I know those lines are always moving in your favor. How do you feel being a Jew nowadays? Pretty simple question. You could answer it any way you want.

[Max Sadawi]

I like being Jewish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. I like being the most watched shows in entertainment. So that's all I'm gonna ask.

[Max Sadawi]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fantastic. Max Sadawi. Here, my friend, is a big joke book. Oh, thank you. The people running show business to see that the Jew is getting a big joke book. There he goes. Max Sadowi, everybody. We're having fun here tonight. All right, bucket pole number nine. Make some noise. You guys have an fun out there. Still. Make some noise for Micah Brown, everybody. Micah Brown.

[Micah Brown]

Light bulbs are gay because they busted my ass. Am I right? Anal's a lot like surgery. Have you guys noticed this? Anal is a lot like surgery. You got to wash your hands all the way down to your elbows. You got a prep. You can't eat the day before. My surgeon hates it when I eat before we do anal, dude hates it. The drugs help. Have you guys noticed this surgery used to be really bad before the drugs? Hey, man, here's a shot of whiskey and bite down on this. You know what I'm saying? It helps with the anal too, okay? The drugs. The thing that ties them all together, though, like anal and surgery. Is that the only thing worse is anal surgery? Stay away from those light bulbs, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Micah Brown. There he is. Micah Brown. Okay, Micah, welcome, welcome. Wow. No one's even clapping for you. A whole set about anal, and somehow it was the shittiest set of the night at the same time. What are the odds? Welcome, Micah. How long you been doing stand up?

[Micah Brown]

Not long enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how long is that?

[Micah Brown]

Five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, My God. There's red bands. One fart noise of the episode. Okay. Five years. Ryan o'.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Neill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was just saying this guy looks like Fentanyl. Tom Cruise. Hell, yeah. You really do. You do look like that. Every mission is impossible to you. Amazing. What do you do for work?

[Micah Brown]

I don't. I quit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You quit? You quit Blockbuster 14 years ago. You just haven't done anything. Sponsored now. What did you quit?

[Micah Brown]

I was serving at Fressa's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. And Too good place with, like, the chicken quesadillas. Like a chicken bowl.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that place. Beans and rice. Perfect meal. One of my favorite meals.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a server there.

[Micah Brown]

I was a server there.

[Ari Maddi]

Wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did. Why. Why'd you quit? Great place. It was a great place. It's not a great place.

[Micah Brown]

No, it's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So why'd you quit?

[Micah Brown]

Well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh.

[Micah Brown]

Things started going really good for me. I got my foot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got your what?

[Micah Brown]

I got my foot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your what?

[Micah Brown]

I was hanging out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Wait. Let's go back. You got your word. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Micah. You got your what?

[Micah Brown]

There's a woman's vagina on my foot. And I couldn't go back to work after that. It was like. This is. This is a true story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They serve chicken. That's why Red band's making a chicken noise. For those of you wondering what a chicken has to do with getting your foot. So let's slow it down. Let's.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah, let's slow it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what exactly happened here? How does a woman's vagina end up on your foot while you're serving tables at Fresa's?

[Micah Brown]

Supposed to go to work. Hanging out with a friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, why would you hang out with a friend at work? Oh, you hang out with a friend instead of for work. Got it.

[Micah Brown]

I was. Things are going good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at me. Stop looking down.

[Ari Maddi]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead, man.

[Micah Brown]

It was really fun. It was really awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So a girl?

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris o'. Connor.

[Micah Brown]

She was a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a day.

[Micah Brown]

It's Austin. I was trying to figure it out. She's got a girlfriend who's dating a boy, and she was getting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's no way the story is this complicated, dude.

[Micah Brown]

It ended up with cocaine and my foot getting. I don't know how to get.

[Mason Bird]

You did the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With your foot foot, right? Yeah.

[Micah Brown]

She told me to put my foot on the couch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Micah Brown]

And she got on the couch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you wear a sock?

[Micah Brown]

No. Is that full? After the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't. You don't wear protection during Foot. No, man. Okay, so let me ask you this.

[Micah Brown]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it toes or the whole foot?

[Micah Brown]

Well, I had three fingers in before, so it was the whole foot. I only have a nine and a half. It's not that big.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got the heel in and then what, Work found out about it?

[Micah Brown]

No. It's like, things are going good, man. I don't need to go back to Fres's and deal chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you do. Yeah. No. Yeah, you do. No one's paying you. You guys don't get there.

[Micah Brown]

You guys don't get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, help us to understand. This is the interview portion of the show.

[Wisdom Anderson]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Here we go.

[Micah Brown]

Foot got. Got to be in a metal music

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

video all in the same day, same week. Okay?

[Micah Brown]

Then my buddy calls me. I get to go on a canoe trip in Maine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Micah Brown]

I could not go. The chicken thing was not going well. This is better than the chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you make money now?

[Micah Brown]

I don't think you understand, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We found your catchphrase. That's for sure.

[Micah Brown]

Like, I'm getting my foot. I'm getting flown out to Maine, and you want me to sell chicken?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you make money Now?

[Micah Brown]

I'm open to suggestions. Like, it hasn't come up yet. It hasn't come up yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you thought you were on a hot streak, and you were just like,

[Micah Brown]

I can get another serving job. You can. They'll give them to you. You all. You guys can work at Fresnes. I guarantee it. They told me they would hire me back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're, like, on a sabbatical, right? Okay. They're definitely not hiring you back.

[Micah Brown]

Oh, they love me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Zero, I would bet. You have a zero percent chance.

[Micah Brown]

How much?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I know for a fact they're not gonna. You just called out. Called them out by name.

[Micah Brown]

You don't think they'll hire me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're not gonna hire you back.

[Colin Sledge]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna look a little scared now. You're like, no, no, no. It's like you were really.

[Micah Brown]

I don't need the job job. So I just want to know, how

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

much money do you have?

[Micah Brown]

I'm negative $24.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So where do you sleep? $50. Where do you sleep?

[Micah Brown]

I'm hired back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you sleep at night tonight? Huh?

[Micah Brown]

I've got a friend named Brendan Mahaney. He's the best. We call him Sarge, and he takes care of all of us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. So that's re. Is that where you tonight. Is that where you slept?

[Micah Brown]

Unless the foot girl hits me back. Maybe I'll go there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, here's a little joke. There you go, buddy. All right. Yep. Hard to catch when you are blitzed out of your mind on Hard, Hard Drugs, everybody. There goes Micah Brown. Very interesting bucket pools tonight. Very interesting. We should have, like, an actual psychiatry pinterest backstage to connect with these people right after their sets. By the way, Fressas is really good. Don't like. Yeah, don't let the foot drug addict guy ruin freshes for you. Highly recommend it. Very simple, clean meals. I'm actually surprised you eat there.

[Patrick Lake]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're half chicken, man. It's great saying everything that I feel. Your final bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen. You guys ready for this? I know, I know. It's one of those nights where it's hard to be excited about the bucket, but anything can happen. Make some noise for Bill Williams, everybody. Bill Williams.

[Bill Williams]

I like watching murder shows,

[Mason Bird]

you know,

[Bill Williams]

like true crime, forensic files, stuff like that. But I noticed recently that whenever they do the reenactments, the actors are always way better looking than the real victims. Somebody's all sad like, oh, man, can't believe they murdered that beautiful lady. But then I see the real victim, and I'm like, man, It's all good. I'm dating, and dating's hard. The other day, I saw this gorgeous woman sitting at a bar. I walked up to her and said, you're stunning. You must work out all the time. She said, no, and I'm a mom. I said, wow, you don't even look like you had kids. She said, if I told you that this body gave birth to five children, what would you say? So I said, goodbye.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Thank you.

[Colin Sledge]

I'm Bill Williams.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bill Williams. Fantastic. I like your style. I like your delivery. I like the whole thing that you're working with here. How long you been doing stand up?

[Bill Williams]

One year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One year. Wow. We're at San Antonio. San Antonio, that's where you're from?

[Bill Williams]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Bill, you perform a lot. You do a lot of, like, mics in San Antonio?

[Bill Williams]

A lot of mics. My first year, I did 305.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I see. I had a feeling. Some people say they do this three, four, five, six, seven years, and they're doing it maybe once a week, maybe twice a week. You know, that adds up fast. I could literally tell that you've been actually working at it. What do you do for work?

[Bill Williams]

Nothing.

[Colin Sledge]

Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Jesus. This is so.

[Bill Williams]

I had so much time to hit mics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why we're in a deficit right now, not a lot of tax paying, contributing employment in the country right now. How long have you been unemployed for, Bill?

[Bill Williams]

A year. Like, I lost my truck driving job and I just hit it hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you lose your truck driving job?

[Bill Williams]

They found a. They found a beer bottle in my truck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I had a feeling.

[Bill Williams]

And then a week later I got a DWI so I couldn't drive anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yep, that happened. Are you a Native American?

[Bill Williams]

No, there is some Native American in my family, but we'll see. Mexican, white, Spanish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Bill Williams]

A whole bunch of mix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, awesome. Like Comanche. Do you know what kind of Indian?

[Bill Williams]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know what kind of.

[Bill Williams]

I have no idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You seem like I could. I could picture you on a horse, like riding sideways with an arrow, but that's kind of racist to say, but not really because you do look like that. Have you ever dressed up like a Native American for Halloween, perhaps, or something? Something like that. Where's Sarah Sloan? Is Sarah Sloan here?

[Bill Williams]

She's out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sarah Sloan.

[Bill Williams]

She's at Shakespeare's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Well, she does a great horse impression.

[Colin Sledge]

Oh, yeah, I've heard it.

[Bill Williams]

I've heard it. I've heard it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bill, what do you do for fun?

[Bill Williams]

I mean, really, this is. All I do is comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like to drink a lot, right?

[Bill Williams]

Not anymore.

[Colin Sledge]

I had.

[Bill Williams]

I had to quit because of dwi, you know, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you already lost your job. Shouldn't you just double down on that?

[Bill Williams]

Yeah, but I was on probation. They made me do a breathalyzer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bill Williams]

Like, I had to blow into that machine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're not drinking anymore?

[Bill Williams]

I'm not drinking anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? Yeah. Okay. What else do you do other than comedy? What else are you into?

[Bill Williams]

I mean, that's it. I got a bunch of kids and a couple grandkids now, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. Yeah. How many kids do you have?

[Bill Williams]

Five kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I'm out of here. Five kids. Incredible. How old are they?

[Bill Williams]

The youngest is 17 and then they're 18, 21, 24, 27.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Bill Williams]

45.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. You're killing it. You look better than all the 20 some year olds that were on the show. We had a stripper up here earlier that looked 55. Incredible. Incredible, Bill. Yes, sir. Wow. Amazing. So what's it like raising kids? Tell us what some crazy shit you've been through as a father. As a Native American father.

[Bill Williams]

I mean, they're pretty chill. Like, you know, I was kind of crazy growing up, and they always said, like, you're gonna See, when you get older. But my kids are chill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're amazing. When you say you were crazy as a kid, what do you mean? What are some of the things you would do?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Do?

[Bill Williams]

When I was 16, I stole Alexis from the Institute of Texan Cultures.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to fist bump me. All right, I'll give it to you. Yeah, yeah, of course. What made you steal Alexis?

[Bill Williams]

I was walking downtown San Antonio, and we're walking through the parking lot of the Institute of Texan Cultures, and there's Alexis with the keys hanging from the trunk. And so that was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. And where did you take this car? What did you do?

[Bill Williams]

Man, we were dumb. You know, we're 16. We thought we knew. We drove around for three days. First of all, wow. Picking up our friends, going cruising.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Bill Williams]

And then we were driving around the east side of San Antonio like, you know, thinking we're gonna find a chop shop, like we even know where that's at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we got pulled over.

[Bill Williams]

The cops chased us. My friend was driving at that time. He took off, hit a tree. We all jumped out, started jumping fences. The driver got away. They caught me and the other guy. We spent two weeks in juvenile.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Patrick Lake]

Yeah.

[Bill Williams]

Good times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. How many kids did you have at that time?

[Colin Sledge]

Zero.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Are you still with the baby mama?

[Max Sadawi]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been separated from her?

[Bill Williams]

Since 2013, I think. Or separated before that, but divorced. 2013.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How often do you get to see your kids?

[Bill Williams]

All the time. My boys. My two youngest boys live with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, cool.

[Jason Vest]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing. So you're like, a real active father also chasing your dreams and being very funny.

[Bill Williams]

Yep. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many. How many minutes do you think you've accumulated in this year? 300. Some sets under your belt, but 25 minutes? About 25 minutes. Amazing. I find you to be incredibly hilarious. Thank you. I'd love to have you on the secret show.

[Vinnie Flores]

Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sarah Sloan at. Give me Sarah Sloan. Where's she at? Sarah, come out here real quick. The great Sarah Sloane, everybody. Kill Tony Royalty. You know, I think as a mode of celebration is in the air for you winning a set at the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. And since you are one of the funniest Native Americans that's ever been on this show, I find it fitting that Michael plays the Indian drum, and the great Sarah Sloan does her impression of a horse. Sarah, grab that mic and let it grip. Huh? You can grab. Grab his. Yeah. Keep doing your Indian stuff. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Sarah Sloan's horse impression. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Sarah Sloan, Bill Williams. Bill, you're leaving here with a true Native American leather joke book. Yeah. One of the greatest Native American comedians in Kill Tony history. Bill Williams, everybody. There he goes. That guy needs to do a Indian job dance. Yes. Five kids. He could make it rain. Bill Williams. And now we've come to a part of the show. Now, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm gonna be honest with you. William Montgomery is out for the night, everybody. However, just when you think there's no way to possibly put a ribbon on an episode like this, I must tell you that there is one more performer, one more, more regular that is going to do a brand new set for you. Fresh off of sold out theaters almost every weekend. Absolutely smashing the universe. I watched him do a long set last night on a Sunday when everybody else is off and it's nothing but up and comers. This guy's here doing long sets, going over notes. He literally works more and harder than any other guy comedian I know because he is trying to become an American citizen. But yet still he remains the Estonian assassin. This is Ari Matty.

[Ari Maddi]

So I've been dating a. See, the problem with me is I'm a jealous guy. I can't help it. I went through her like Instagram and there's like a lot of pictures from Miami. But she works at Chick Fil a,

[Colin Sledge]

you know,

[Ari Maddi]

I go through the pictures. No guy you might see like a ligament, you know. You know, like a hand on a knee. You try to zoom into that hand, it's a fucking prehistoric. That's who's paying. And she's got this fucking friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every.

[Ari Maddi]

See, every fucking girl has this, has a friend, some Dylan, you know, that guy who's lingering around your girl, always playing the long game. You know, you ask her about Dylan, she's like, dylan?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're worried about Dylan?

[Ari Maddi]

I've known him for a decade. I think he's gay. And then you meet Dylan, you look into his eyes. He ain't gay. He's on the bench. Fucker. You look at Dylan like, I know the game, Dylan. A wolf knows a wolf. You suck a few dicks to throw me off. All of a sudden, eating my girl's pussy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like, oh, my God, isn't this crazy?

[Ari Maddi]

So the only thing to do next week, I'm sucking Dylan off just to see if it's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you so much.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Double. Let the record show that that is 2 minutes and 5 seconds. Once again, Ari, Maddie doing double work over performing. Absolutely hysterical after that huge intro I gave. And knowing you and everything, you would think I'd be smart enough to know that you're about to be hilarious. Meanwhile, I decided to take my first sip of this delicious whiskey coke during your calm setup. And you got me. You got me real good. It blasted. I blasted air out of my nose and it splashed up in my face and all over me and Red band's legs. Red band's wearing shorts so it raw dogged his sweet little hairy kneecap right here. I'm like, oh, he's on the setup. I'll be fine. She's taking a trip to Miami and she works at Chick Fil A. And it got me. The air came out and water came up and our drink came up. Amazing stuff, Ari. Maddie, absolutely hilarious.

[Colin Sledge]

Thanks, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are covering something that I think. I think a lot of people go through and I've never really heard it talked about quite.

[Ari Maddi]

So are you a jealous guy, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not really. I mean, but I know. I know exactly. You look like a jealous guy.

[Ari Maddi]

You look like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I look like a lot of things.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Is this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir, I told you not to look at other men. Sir.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Who is this?

[Wisdom Anderson]

Dylan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I will say this is everybody I've ever hung out with. Every girl is like, oh, he's gay. There's always that guy. Dude, every.

[Ari Maddi]

Every guy here is with a girl. They know exactly who the I'm talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

[Ari Maddi]

It's always a dude and chicks have no idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, he's nice.

[Max Sadawi]

You.

[Ari Maddi]

We're all trying to.

[Micah Brown]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ari Maddi]

No man is trying to help you. We're all creeps.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely true. I'm always hanging out with a girl and they're like, no, that's my gay friend. I'm like, what's his number? So, Ari, tell us more. What's going on in life, buddy, you're absolutely crushing it. Last night you were in a theater in Jacksonville.

[Ari Maddi]

It was Saturday. I was in Jacksonville Friday. Orlando. I love Florida. It's so much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, people are crazy. It is a fun place to visit.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddi]

When I was Patterson in Orlando, you know, he's from there. Dude, it was huge. 200 black people and me.

[Vinnie Flores]

It was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yep.

[Ari Maddi]

Crazy, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's how it is sometimes. No doubt about it. Cam Patterson rolls deep. Every single one of his cousins. Whether you're in Florida.

[Ari Maddi]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or Atlanta. Atlanta is another big hotspot for the Patterson family. I know them all. I know them all. They all know me. We all get along. Sometimes I do a little Crip walk in the green, impress my black friends. Because I am part of the culture. Believe it or not, I am blacker than I am gay.

[Ari Maddi]

My favorite is, like, when we're on the group chat for the gig. And then the promoter will be like, any guest list Cam is like, woo, woo. Plus 7. Dookie Shoes plus 12, Bing Bong plus 8. He's a good guy. He went to prison.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I met Dookie Shoes. I actually know his cousin Dookie Shoes very well. Everybody's like, fresh out of prison or about to go to prison or something like that. It's so fun. You would think that that stereotype was a little less true. But not with the. The Patterson clan. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. So that's fun. Florida's fun. How about after the shows? You're a little wild boy out there.

[Ari Maddi]

Yeah. Oh, we went to Iowa, Dean. Ever heard of it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Iowa? It's like Estonia of America. Yeah, it is. Ultra white, white, ultra white, ultra chill. Cam Patterson wasn't at that gig, was he?

[Ari Maddi]

Nope. And we went to, like, Me, Martin, Phillip. Oh, David Jolly was on there. We're the crew. Me, Martin, David Jolly. If you don't know by now, we're the crew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Holding it down.

[Ari Maddi]

And we went to like a concert, just randomly. It was like a rock concert. One of those. It was like a feminist band. Yeah, you can't even call them chicks. You have to.

[Colin Sledge]

It's.

[Ari Maddi]

They, you know, it's one of those. Between every song there would be like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

this is for all the men out

[Ari Maddi]

there who don't take no for an answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bang bang. You're a rapist.

[Colin Sledge]

You know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bang bang.

[Ari Maddi]

Entrance was five bucks for whatever you are. But if you're a guy, 15, I respect that. So it was just me, David Jolly, and Martin at this gig.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, did you go there trying to fuck chicks?

[Ari Maddi]

Yes. That's why I go to gay bars and feminist extravaganzas. They don't even know what's coming. I'll be the Dylan there. Oh, my God. God. Totally fucking marginalized community. Dude, can I finger? They die. And then while they're rocking out this feminist extravaganza, while we're Me and David Jolly, door there. Martin was meeting us there. Cause you know, he takes time to get to places. I ain't got time to fucking wait for this. Fucking stoplights in Des Moines are short. I see Martin. Me and David see Martin behind the window. He's like knocking on the window. I'm like, what the. And he's got his dog, you know, Andy, the little fucked up dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin Phillips has a service animal.

[Ari Maddi]

Yeah, it's not a. It's just a dog, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, in.

[Ari Maddi]

In his sense, it's definitely a service animal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Pretty sure everybody that's that handicapped. Yeah.

[Ari Maddi]

And he's out there with Andy and he Then he texts me, they're not letting him in with the dog. You should have seen me, dude. Fool Karen. I go straight to the manager. I Google federal law in America. You can't even ask why the dog is there. Fuck you.

[Vinnie Flores]

I just kept.

[Ari Maddi]

No, you should. Me and David. And David Jolly too. He's like, yeah, you know, dude, the owner comes to the bar and he's like, explaining that it's law. If there's food being served, there can't be a dog allowed. I know, dude. I'm fucked up. I'm literally yelling at the bar, like, federal law. David's in the back showing the gun. You know, we're fucking. If the feminists on stage only knew the work I've done. And I got that motherfucking dog in, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. You are a legend. And yeah, Ari, Matty.

[Ari Maddi]

And also, hello, Ryan o'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Neal.

[Ari Maddi]

And also, does anybody remember the time I went to Florida, I went to Tito Ortiz's bar and I needed my fucking belt for the fucking raffle?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Ari Maddi]

Remember when T. Ortiz fucked me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddi]

And you know me, dog. I'm getting my belt. So, Heidi, can you bring out my fucking belt?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. He won the Tito Ortiz. Tito Ortiz. Where you at? Wow, that is incredible. How'd you end up getting it?

[Ari Maddi]

Actually, Tito sent it to me. He's a very nice guy.

[Patrick Lake]

He said

[Ari Maddi]

he's a very nice guy. He literally told me, you gotta stop Kill Tony people from coming in and calling me a liar and a thief and a scammer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he said it's a whole thing.

[Ari Maddi]

People, groups and groups. You Tito, liar. Where's the belt?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that.

[Ari Maddi]

That's the Kill Tony world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't with us. Damn right. Very rarely do I sick the Kill Tony universe on anybody. So, Tito, good job playing along. Fantastic stuff. You are indeed the reigning defending Kill Tony champion as well. Ari Mackey. Ladies and gentlemen, the fourth of nature, the Estonian assassin. The drawing from Ryan J. Fault is in. How loud can you guys get for my fantastic guest tonight? Chris O' Connor is in Cleveland August 15th and 16th. 16th at hilarities. Go to a chrisoconnor.com or go to the link that's at Chris O' Connor Comedy Connor with the last two letters being or speaking of or, that's the first room I ever performed in in my entire history of stand up comedy at the Comedy Store and the first MC to bring me up. The first comedy show I ever saw in my life was hosted by one more time, Ryan o', Neill, everybody. With two L's at the end. Go check out Slop Quest. The podcast is available everywhere. Yeah, absolutely. And check them out at Ryan O' Neill with 2L's comedy.com thank you to BlueChew, ZipRecruiter and Shopify One more time for the best damn band in the land. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight, everybody. While we all said, wow, that's amazing. Cam Patterson on like some type of little boat. Absolutely amazing. That looks great. Local artist Chris Rogers, follow him at Chris Rogers Art right on social media. Yep. Red Band. Check out the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. Brian Cowan has a new improv show Wednesdays, Sunset Strip, atx.com Love you guys. We're doing it. We're really doing it. Red Band, we're living the dream. Madison Square Garden. I do stand up on the 15th of August. We do kill Tony for the third time at Madison Square Garden August 16th. When I go to Madison Square Garden, crazy stuff tends to happen. I don't know if you guys know about this, but it's a very, very have a amazing history at that venue. A lot of other fun stuff happening. I'm doing standup everywhere. Getting ready for a big special taping at the end of September. So check me out. Doing standup. I promise you it's very, very good. And that is about it. Did you guys have fun tonight? Thank you. We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin,

[Brian Redban]

Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sam.