#731 - MATT MCCUSKER + SHANE GILLIS

Summary

KILL TONY #731 - MATT MCCUSKER + SHANE GILLIS

Date: August 12, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Guests: Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Redban

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Overview

Episode #731 of Kill Tony is an “absolute scorcher”—literally and figuratively. With both AC malfunctions and a stacked lineup, the world’s #1 live comedy podcast welcomes back favorites Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis. The episode is dominated by playful, raucous energy as comedians and hosts riff on the sweltering conditions, rapid-fire roasts, and deeply personal revelations from both established “Golden Ticket” winners and a diverse group of open mic newcomers. The show features its hallmark blend of unpredictable interviews, off-the-cuff banter, and on-the-spot career advice, all wrapped in a locker room tone and punctuated by running gags about heat, guinea pigs, OnlyFans math, and strip club economics.

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Major Episode Themes

• Overcoming Adversity (e.g. broken AC, personal losses, life struggles)
• Heat as a Comedic Device and Recurring Gag
• Comedian Origin Stories—Dark, Surprising, and Oddly Inspiring
• Degenerate but Endearing Honesty about Sex, Work, Drugs, and Family
• Screenwriting, Sex Work, and Subculture Mash-Ups
• Recurring References: Guinea pigs, OnlyFans, the AC Guy, Dollhouse ATX, sex club anecdotes
• Shameless self-promotion and sponsorship reads integrated with the show’s chaotic style

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Detailed Breakdown & Key Moments

1. Opening & Setting the Scene

• 0:42–3:02:
  The episode opens with frantic commentary about the venue’s heat (“an absolute scorcher...81.1° F, 71% humidity”). Tony Hinchcliffe and Redban joke about the hardships, making heat the first running bit.

  • “Texas, late in July. Welcome, welcome. Holy shit. ACs be breaking. Doesn't matter how much Spotify gives you. ACs be breaking in Texas.” — Tony Hinchcliffe (02:00)

• 3:20–4:40:
  Tony hypes up the night’s big guests—Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis—as “the comedy lottery” and moves into explaining show logistics (the bucket, time limits, and sound cues).

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2. Guest Introduction & Running Heat Bit

• 4:51–5:09
  Redban and Tony continue riffing on the oppressive heat, including a detailed breakdown of which rooms are cool (“open mic room: 69°, green room: 71°, stage: broiling”).

  • “This is where God has decided the heat will lay tonight.” — Tony Hinchcliffe (04:57)

• 5:09–07:04:
  The format is explained (comics get 60 seconds, then are interviewed). Tony jokes about audience members sweating, segueing into the first Golden Ticket winner.

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3. Comedian Highlights & Key Interviews

Martin Phillips (Golden Ticket Winner)

• 07:04–12:02:
  Martin opens with a heat riff and a series of oddball jokes about Jewish friends and circumcision (“God told Abraham...maybe he waited too long”).
  • Admits he’s a “heavy sweater,” wasn’t prepped for the heat.
  • Shares a new car purchase, says: “I got a Prius. So it's official. I am gay.” (10:35)
  • Martin gets quick roasts from panelists for repeated “I am gay” punchlines.
  • Notable Moment: The drinking game riff—take a sip each time Martin says “I am gay.” (11:14)

Daniel Shepherd

• 12:49–18:47:
  “Brutally honest” but nervous; jokes about age, TV (“The Sopranos... Friends is really a show about Jennifer Aniston’s nipples”), and a “brother in law” pun.
  • Tony and guests uncover a dark family backstory: Daniel’s father died 10 months prior, leaving him a $70K inheritance (now half-spent).
  • “He died in my arms at home... Roku City on the screen.” (15:02)
  • Honest reflections on life, workplace aspirations, and relationships with his sister.

The AC Guy (Dean)

• 18:52–21:22:
  Dean the AC guy is brought onstage. Fixes the AC, reveals that haze from smoke machines triggered the system. Gets a hero’s reception and plugs Airco Air Conditioning.
  • “Eight years in the game. What's your love life like, Dean?” — “I'm married.” (20:40)

Paul

• 23:19–27:47:
  First time; “Islamic terrorism/virgins” joke. Discusses screenplay about Shaquille O’Neal, Charles Barkley, and William Montgomery as a “homeless wanderer.”
  • “They’re phenomenal together.” (26:06)

Michael Scott

• 28:01–34:33:
  Self-mocking, riffs on rabbit/guinea pig breeding. Recalls childhood overrun by guinea pigs (“14 at one point, selling them back to the pet store”).
  • Memorable discussion of jacking off in a room full of guinea pigs and the trauma of his mom accidentally killing four.
  • “My mom accidentally killed four of them once, though.” (32:41)
  • Ends with panel impersonations of his family and running guinea pig jokes.

Yoshika Gonzalez

• 35:52–44:36:
  Latina OnlyFans creator; plays on stereotypes and sex work (“30 cents a day” joke). Talks about selling vintage items and working in AV, with panelists riffing on her subscriber pitch and her strained relationship with her parents (“My dad said he never loved me... two years ago”).
  • “For 30 cents a day, you can help a short bitch pay her rent.” (35:52)
  • Panel riffs on OnlyFans math and jokes about her wish list (“no one will buy me a printer”).

Aya (Golden Ticket Winner)

• 45:08–49:17:
  Polished set on Jehovah’s Witnesses and sex offenders. Interview showcases her cool demeanor—shares a “pasta boiling” teaching moment with her father, and a dream sequence about saving a girl from a “trap house” by warning her she’ll “end up fat.”
  • “Distance only makes the heart grow fonder [of children].” (46:23)

Jenny Rodriguez

• 49:40–53:08:
  Mixes jokes about disabled partners, handjobs during movies, and Mexican identity. Explains day job at a tire shop and time in clown school; can’t perform a clown trick without props.
  • “Do a lot of balloon animals...need props.” (51:41)

Truly Joy

• 54:29–61:03:
  Set about dating apps, jacking off in the mirror, and being a dominant (Dom) personality in the bedroom. Admits he’s bad at dating apps, DM me if you need a Dom.
  • “You last 25 minutes with yourself when I do it?” (56:41)
  • Panel and guest banter about dom/sub roles and “spank bank” contents.

Mighty Mike

• 61:31–69:47:
  Jokes about laundry, food, being broke, and Nigerian/American black differences (panel riffs on head-nods, paying bills). Honest about debt, FedEx job, and pulling out to avoid kids.
  • “I pull out game real good, man. I ain't gonna lie, bro.” (67:39)

Shay Phillips

• 70:24–74:30:
  Houston-based; “fake Kimbo Slice” riff. Admits to being literal about the “daddy” kink (“makes me want to leave”). Shares Navy story of saving a drowning child on Marshall Islands.
  • “Every time she says ‘ooh, Daddy,’ I’m like, ‘you know what? We out of milk…’” (71:09)

Nate Ortiz

• 77:03–84:59:
  Set about Tinder failures, being mistaken for a “Puerto Rican mom from the back,” matching with women who look like him. Interview reveals recent job loss due to lateness (coke until 7am), and a non-binary ex who went through identity changes during their relationship.
  • “From the front, I look like if Hagrid started a Twitch channel; from the back, looks like I’m washing dishes while salsa dancing.” (77:29)
  • Discusses cocaine, weight loss, ex’s pronoun preferences.

Joe Filey

• 86:23–97:45:
  White trash riff; skin-tone reveal party for his niece. Says he’s “the one white guy in the hood they didn't fuck with.” Works at a weed shop, spends at Dollhouse ATX, candidly describes getting a “Charlie Sheen” (coke on dick) with a sex worker and pegging at the strip club.
  • “That was the manager special. It was a $75 manager special on a Sunday and I got pegged.” (97:18)

Ramis / Ramby

• 98:15–106:22:
  Mover turned call center worker. Childhood in Phoenix, then Wisconsin (to raise daughter with white mother). Reflects on prejudice and family tension, past brushes with the law (ecstasy ring), but boasts a clean record and a successful 21-year-old daughter.
  • “I was born at six months, two pounds...I’ve been a miracle over and over again.” (105:29)

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4. William Montgomery's Headlining Set

• 107:41–119:11:
  Memphis Strangler, mainstay of the show, riffs on his first film role, cults, and interventions, including jokes about religion and Red Lobster appetizers.
  • “If you don’t want me to join a cult, quit wearing all those groovy clothes in your propaganda videos. And we get free juice.” (108:31)
  • Discusses prepping for a friend’s intervention (“I was starting to write some earlier...should I just go from the heart?” 114:54)
  • Panel riffs on heroin, drug recovery, William’s new vocabulary (“poly substance drug user”), and his dietary fiber routine.

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5. Closing Remarks & Plugs

• 119:57–120:48
  Rapid-fire plugs: Matt McCusker in Atlantic City (Aug 16), Matt & Shane’s Secret Pod on Spotify, Blue Note NYC, and the show’s sponsors.
  • “Thank you. Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis. The band will be at Blue Note in New York City…” (120:06)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “This is where God has decided the heat will lay tonight.” — Tony Hinchcliffe (04:57)
• “I got a Prius. So it's official. I am gay.” — Martin Phillips (10:35)
• “He died in my arms at home... Roku City on the screen.” — Daniel Shepherd (15:02)
• “For 30 cents a day, you can help a short bitch pay her rent.” — Yoshika Gonzalez (35:52)
• “Distance only makes the heart grow fonder [of children].” — Aya (46:23)
• “You last 25 minutes with yourself when I do it?” — Tony Hinchcliffe to Truly Joy (56:41)
• “That was the manager special. It was a $75 manager special on a Sunday and I got pegged.” — Joe Filey (97:18)
• “I was born at six months, two pounds...I’ve been a miracle over and over again.” — Ramis / Ramby (105:29)

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Recurring & Memorable Gags

• AC and heat updates: Tension and comedy of the failing and restored air conditioning, culminating in the "Dean, the AC Guy" segment.
• Guinea pig callbacks: Multiple comics reference guinea pigs and pet death.
• Screenwriting and OnlyFans: Two separate comics reference hustles and economic math, providing cross-talk and collaborative pitch jokes.
• Sex work and strip club tales: Unapologetic, graphic anecdotes—especially Dollhouse ATX in-depth review.
• Extreme honesty: Many comics candid about deaths, jobs, identity crises, and substance habits; pivot instantly from pathos to punchline.

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Final Thoughts

A characteristically chaotic, relentlessly funny episode of Kill Tony, balancing roast battle energy with moments of surprising emotional candor. Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis deftly amplify both degeneracy and kindness, making for a memorable, sweat-soaked night at the Mothership. The broken AC becomes both metaphor and microcosm for the comics' struggles and resilience, as every comic onstage literally and figuratively sweats under the lights. By the end, the show’s defining elements—edgy riffing, crowd interplay, and celebration of the underdog—are on full display.

For newcomers and fans alike, Episode #731 encapsulates the unique spirit of Kill Tony: part gladiatorial arena, part group therapy, and all unapologetic stand-up chaos.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening

[Daniel Shepherd]

to the Death Squad podcast network.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and

[Daniel Shepherd]

anywhere you get podcasts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Daniel Shepherd]

You can also check out shopsquad TV

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv.

[Daniel Shepherd]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is CR coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony. Hence, Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? E. Oh.

[Redband]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

hell yeah. Make some noise for Red Band, everybody. Keep it going for the best damn band in the land. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by Express the Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande. Michael Gonzalez, Sweating bullets. Big Mike on the drums. Matt Muhling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys. And that is D Madness. Live in the flesh. Ladies and gentlemen, an absolute scorcher. We're sitting here at 81.1 degrees Fahrenheit, 71% humidity. The AC guy is here. Make some noise for the AC Gu, Texas, late in July. Welcome, welcome. Holy shit. ACs be breaking. This is a real live show. Anything can happen. Happens everywhere. Doesn't matter how much money Spotify gives you. ACS be breaking in Texas. A good old stress test here today. You see people fanning themselves. There's a Latina woman with an actual portable fan. I don't know how she snuck that in. They lock up phones, but I guess you're allowed to shove a portable fan up your puss. Anything can happen here. As you could tell, this is an action packed episode. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Texas is now over.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's ready to start tonight's show, huh? Well, well, well. You know, every single week I book the show. And I can tell you with no ego, we're really doing it. Red Band. This is one of those very special nights. You guys hit the fucking comedy lottery. You did it. You did it. This is one of those big ones. Ladies and gentlemen, I present two of the greatest guests in this show's history. This is indeed Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker. It is hot in here. Shane dillon, matt mccus. It's crazy how much hotter it is out here.

[Redband]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's. Mike.

[Redband]

Hey. Hey, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

2, 3, 4.

[Redband]

It is unbelievably hot. Like blows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible.

[Redband]

I don't want to bring it up because I know that, you know, you're thinking about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crazy thing is that the AC works well in some places. Right now, the other room, which is an open mic filled with absolute bottom of the barrel peasants, they are, they're chilling 69 degrees in there. The green room, 71 degrees right behind that curtain. Very, very nice.

[Redband]

It was nice right behind there. And Matt, right before we went on, it's like, it's not that bad. I was like, wait till we walk out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is where God has decided the heat will lay tonight. Matt, how you feeling down there?

[Matt McCusker]

Pretty good. I'm thinking we can like alternate breathing between guys and girls every 30 seconds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna have to come up with some kind of plan. The AC guy is here. I'm gonna ask management if anyone's listening. Wave to me before he leaves. I want an update. Maybe we can get the AC guy to agree to a quick appearance live. Live appearance. Maybe he can explain himself. Whatever we do, do not let that guy leave without giving me some. I know he was just planning on another quick stop on a 6th street fucking dungeonesque bar, but he might end up in front of 5.5 million people real quick. Who gives a fuck, right? Should we harass the AC guy? Anything can happen here. You guys have been guests numerous times on the show. 305 human souls signed up for tonight's show. Matt and Shane know what the fuck is up. The bucket gets crazy. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. Then you know their time is up and they hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them. I conduct an interview. It's gonna be a lot of fun watching them truly physically sweat. Tonight they are in for the shock of their lives. None of them know that the AC is broken here. So they're in a nice air conditioned bar next door right now. They're gonna be in the nice air condition backstage and they're gonna walk out and they're gonna think it's them. So let's have some fun before we get to that first bucket pool. I have a golden ticket winner here ready to debut a new minute of stand up comedy. We're gonna watch them all together, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first comedian of the night. This is Martin Phillips. Everybod.

[Martin Phillips]

Dang, it is fucking hot. Holy shit. Oh my God.

[Michael Scott]

Okay.

[Martin Phillips]

Growing up, I didn't have many Jewish friends. Not on purpose, but I was never invited to apartments. But I think it's too late, you know, I think people would take notice that I specifically hung out with 13 year old Jewish boys. I was like, no, I just want to party with different banger. But anyway, circumcision started because God told Abraham to do it. He also told him to kill his son. And he took it back as a test. So maybe he waited too long to say something. You know, he came back, he was like, oh, by the way, you know, oh crap, you did it. Uh, it looks great. You told everyone to do it. Uh, oh, get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Martin Phillips with a brand new minute, acknowledging the heat up top. How does the heat affect your condition?

[Martin Phillips]

Sweat like a motherfucker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything else? When it gets real hot, can you like straighten out your legs or anything?

[Martin Phillips]

I think I just get heat exhaustion, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're human other than.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, I'm a heavy sweater, so I'm definitely gonna strip up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Heavy sweater. You're dressed for the occasion. You're one of the only people wearing shorts tonight on the crew.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, you text me like 15 minutes ago, so I don't know. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perf. And nobody needed to know that, but I guess that's fine. I needed a last second opener there, Martin, and gave you the opportunity of a lifetime. But I guess you've exposed my lack of preparation in front of the world.

[William Montgomery]

I didn't have time.

[Redband]

Yeah, if he's going to toss pants on, you got to give him like four hours

[Martin Phillips]

any time.

[Redband]

You got to call him on Friday, brother. We're going to need pants by Monday. Me too. By the way,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin, you ever have a bad experience putting on your pants?

[Martin Phillips]

No, I, I could fit them on okay. You know.

[Redband]

Oh, dude, yeah, yeah, I know you.

[Martin Phillips]

Dude, you. Yeah, it was a button up shirt. They may be, but man, if I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

can do the same.

[Martin Phillips]

Get the, you know, it's, it's easy.

[Matt McCusker]

That looks smooth as hell.

[Redband]

That was nice. Yeah, yeah, that's better than me. I gotta like lay down.

[Martin Phillips]

You fat.

[Redband]

He deserves that. My joke was better, but yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Martin, what else has been going on in your life, man?

[Martin Phillips]

I got sweat in my eye, my glasses are fogging up. I bought a new car myself. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Martin Phillips]

Not Because I crashed the old one. Okay? I just needed a new car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what kind of car did you get?

[Martin Phillips]

I got a Prius. So it's official. I am gay. I guess I want to get the same car as you have that I could pull up, be like, hey, twinsies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. And then I'd have to get a Prius just to be different.

[Martin Phillips]

And it would make sense because you're gay, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Yes, Martin, that would be. Yep, that would be implied. Only two I'm gays so far in two and a half minutes. This is another episode of Kill Tony. I blend in with the others.

[Martin Phillips]

That's the drinking game. Every time. Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you drink, Martin?

[Martin Phillips]

Sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari. Maddie tells us some crazy dude.

[Martin Phillips]

That's not even true, dude. Ari's been saying shit. I'm like, I go to bed, Ari is the one out till 6am by the one time I take a truck with Ari and invitation. Yeah, I was drunk. Yes. And it doesn't make me look any more able, but doesn't it makes it worse? I think actually, like, my hotel was like a block away. I had the Uber, like it was. I was not gonna make it there, so. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But awesome. Well, Martin, you got the show started tonight. Thank you so much. A golden ticket winner. Reigning defending Martin. Martin Phillips. Is the AC guy there, Zach? No, he's on his way down. But we do have an update incoming. We'll hold him back there while I bring up the first bucket pool of the night. You guys know how this part works, is where gets a little crazy because we're gonna meet somebody. Could be the next star of the show. Could be a insane person. Make some noise for your first bucket pull of the night. It's Daniel shepherd, everybody. Daniel Shepherd.

[Daniel Shepherd]

So my birthday's coming up in a few days. I think I look great for 36. The problem with that is I'm turning 26, so that fucking sucks. I've been watching this show about guinea pigs. It's pretty funny. Interesting. It's called the Sopranos on hbo. Perhaps y' all have heard of it. Another great show is Friends. But I think an even better show is Seinfeld. Because if Seinfeld is the show about nothing, that means Friends is the show about Jennifer Aniston's nipples. I forgot to equate how they were similar. I'm a little nervous. I just had some sushi recently. I just had some sushi recently

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

over

[Daniel Shepherd]

in the hood at this new place called Nigiri.

[Paul]

Please,

[Daniel Shepherd]

I ordered the unagi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah, they didn't have a drive through, but they had a drive by. And last joke. What do you call a black lawyer? A brother in law. All right, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Thank God you didn't do the punchline I thought was coming there. Holy

[Martin Phillips]

Matt.

[Matt McCusker]

I liked watching the autism bleed through and you're like, I forgot to equate

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that last thing to the other.

[Redband]

Yeah, straight to sushi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it.

[Redband]

Sushi next.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So the three shows that you've been watching recently, Sopranos, Seinfeld and Friends.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you just get, what, a VCR player or something? How are you just starting these three decade old jokes?

[Redband]

Since eighth grade, he's like, I got

[Daniel Shepherd]

Friends is a lot like Seinfeld. I just, you know, that was kind of the point of the joke and I almost didn't include that. And I autistically added it, you know? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you remember what the correlation between the three was?

[Daniel Shepherd]

Friends is like Seinfeld without any Jews.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Daniel Shepherd]

My. My father wrote that joke, helped me write that joke before he died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. When did he die? 25 years ago.

[Daniel Shepherd]

He died 10 months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. How did he die?

[Daniel Shepherd]

He had a lung condition. So he had connective tissue disease which paralyzed his stomach and that drained into his lungs and destroyed his lungs. And then he died in my arm.

[Redband]

Knew it.

[Daniel Shepherd]

He died in my arms at home one day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What.

[Matt McCusker]

What was. What was on the tv?

[Daniel Shepherd]

It was the Roku TV in the background.

[Matt McCusker]

Just a Roku screen.

[Daniel Shepherd]

The Roku, like damn Roku City, you know?

[Redband]

He died gazing into the sunset. No. So one last sunset. It was Roku.

[Matt McCusker]

How long. How long ago Was this?

[Daniel Shepherd]

Like 10 months ago.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, shit.

[Joe Filey]

All right.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Like, it was a. My sister's birthday was the day before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? October 1st.

[Daniel Shepherd]

October 1st.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Dan, did your.

[Matt McCusker]

Did your sister bust into the room like Kramer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, whoa,

[Redband]

she must not have blown out all the candles or something.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah, no, she was in a big fight with my dad, so she wasn't home at the time.

[Redband]

Oh, so maybe she did blow out the candles and made a nasty little wish.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Oh, yeah. I don't even think she saw him the day before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Redband]

Well, I'm really. That's really horrendous, man.

[Joe Filey]

Sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

Sorry to hear that.

[Joe Filey]

For real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What were they arguing about? The. Your sister and your father at the time of the is death. The people at home want to know.

[Daniel Shepherd]

My dad. My sister was. My sister would try to attend to my dad a lot and there was some pushback with like a sick guy being told what to do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was she trying to get him to do.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Oh, just like. She's just kind of up his ass kind of person. I guess my sister's a little bitchy.

[Redband]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I don't remember. I just. I tried not to really pay attention. I just saw a lot of arguing.

[Redband]

God damn, dude. This is, like, really, really, really. Yeah, you're really bringing it.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah, but she feels so bad.

[Redband]

You like Star Wars? What's going on there? Let me guess. Your dad watched.

[Daniel Shepherd]

No.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Star Wars Rules.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the best sith.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Yeah. Kylo Ren could have been the best. Yeah.

[Daniel Shepherd]

They ruined it solo. I like. I like Ben.

[Redband]

Yeah, for sure. Hell, yeah, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you do for work?

[Daniel Shepherd]

I'm between jobs right now. I lost some life insurance from my father's death.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much. How much exactly did you get?

[Daniel Shepherd]

$70,000.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

70,000. Can't believe.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I promise I would never talk about that. I don't know why I just nonchalantly said that.

[Matt McCusker]

No, you're finding the silver lining. You got 70 GS and.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah, it's over. Half over. Halfway gone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Question. Did your sister get the same amount?

[Daniel Shepherd]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Sister got cut out of the life insurance mostly. Wow.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Poor thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I feel bad for her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you just called her a. In front of 5 million people a minute ago, but now she's a poor thing that you feel bad about. Yeah, okay.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah, it's like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Very fun. And how much more of the 70, 000 you have left? It's been 10 months. You don't have a job. What are we at now?

[Daniel Shepherd]

25,000.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

25,000. Going fast. It's going fast. So what's your plan? What type of job are you looking to get?

[Daniel Shepherd]

I was into welding for a minute, but that's kind of, you know, laborious and hard to. It's hard to juggle comedy. I burned myself really bad here. And then I am looking into some kind of audio video thing.

[Truly Joy]

There we go.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I'm really good with that filmmaking background and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Short films. Well, there you go, Daniel. Well, welcome. Congratulations. You got up on the show.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you so much. Daniel shepherd, everybody. There he goes.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, here's a. Here's a little joke book, Daniel. There you go. Nice catch. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word that the man that we all want to talk to is here. I present to you for the first time in the show's history, this is the AC Guy. Wow. Wow. Look at the crowd going absolutely wild. This is incredible. A monumental moment in the history of kill Tony. 12 years and 3 months. Yet we've never spoken to an Asian SE guy live on the show before. Sir, what is your name?

[Daniel Shepherd]

My name is Dean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dean. Hell yeah.

[Redband]

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crowd is doing their own.

[Redband]

Let's see if he actually. Did you fix it?

[Matt McCusker]

I feel it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, damn. Wow. Unbelievable. Dean, tell us about it. What was the issue? So the issue was you guys tripped

[Paul]

the smoke alarm with your smoke smoke machines.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it was the haze, the new upgrade to the cameras. A little bit of haze.

[Martin Phillips]

A little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do we avoid that in the future?

[Martin Phillips]

Dean, truthfully, if you're using smoke machines, probably not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we can't do it. All right, let's reset the cameras. Recalibrate the cameras to zero. Haze, I'm your biggest fan. There you go.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Martin Phillips]

This is awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Dean, how long have you been working in ac? About eight years. Eight years. Wow. You're very good at what you do. I noticed that it wasn't long that you were here. You came here about five to 10 minutes before the show started. You were able to figure it out. Eight years in the game. What's your love life like, Dean? I'm married. No, I'm married. Nice. Hell yeah.

[Redband]

She must be a very lucky cold woman.

[Martin Phillips]

It is pretty cold in my house, yeah.

[Redband]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Well, Dean, have you ever thought about trying stand up comedy? Do you like comedy?

[Martin Phillips]

I'm about to have a heart attack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. Well, we were all about to have heat stroke before you came around. So now we're even Steven's Dean. Thank you so much. Make some noise for Dean. Dean.

[Paul]

Dean.

[Nate Ortiz]

Dean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, what a special episode. 82.8 degrees. For those of you wondering, we're hoping that goes down at some point. Dean, why don't you stick around until this thing starts to lower?

[Redband]

Yeah, you might. You might want to delete that first guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He'll be fine. Shout out to Airco Air conditioning coming in and doing their job. I think that's a great plug for them. Airco here in Austin, Texas. The trusted air condition Air conditioning associates of Kill Tony and the Comedy Mothership. Wow.

[Redband]

We'll see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a plug.

[Joe Filey]

It better work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, I hope Dean doesn't get fired. No, he won't. A free ad for airco. H vac. You can get airco yourself just by going to airco.com. i'm guessing. I'm hoping here. Yeah, it's plumbing, heating and ac. It's the website out any. There we go. Air code? Yeah, go to aircomechanical.com. get yourself some AC. All right, just saved Dean's job. Everybody. It's about a. It's about a thirty thousand dollar ad. Read right there. It's open 24 hours, column 512-537-1234. Based out of Round Rock, Texas. Forty years in the business. Airco air conditioning, electrical and plumbing. Five stars. All right, your next bucket pull is a one word name. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Paul. Paul.

[Paul]

Islamic terrorism. I don't get it. 72 virgins. I don't even get out of bed for less than 100 virgins.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Paul]

Thought this would be easier. I was so nervous back. This is my first time. I was so nervous backstage even after I rubbed a couple out. That's right, I'm an assassin. I usually don't bring this up, but my family and I hunt vampires. No, we are not Van Helsing. You're not knee deep in vampires right now because of one family. I apologize. Hey, tits. You want a small joke book? Hey, T bone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Paul, everybody. Very good, Paul. So clearly a fan of the show. And you, you chose to sign. This is truly your first time.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to do it like this? What made you want to pick tonight?

[Paul]

Actually, I got injured last year and I. Fuck. And I had to have surgery and is off work. And I wrote a screenplay and I wrote a screenplay for William Montgomery. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Paul]

Trying to. I thought if the set was good enough.

[Redband]

Well, if this was a taste, we need more.

[Matt McCusker]

Can I get the elevator pitch?

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear the movie, the elevis, the

[Paul]

elevator, not the synopsis, the elevator pitch.

[Matt McCusker]

Elevator, please.

[Michael Scott]

Okay.

[Paul]

Shaquille o' Neill and Charles Barkley.

[Redband]

Fully.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The way you said Shaq Keel had

[William Montgomery]

me, I mean, really convinced about saying Shaq.

[Paul]

I bored.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. With his full name.

[Paul]

They are used to be partners. They were. They were private investigators, but they had a falling out 15 years ago. They hate each other. And they find out their kids kept in touch and they're gonna get married. They have a fight, they. They lose the ring. And then they gotta chase these bikers all across the the country to find the ring.

[Martin Phillips]

They don't.

[Paul]

They don't want to have the wedding, but they don't want to let their kids down.

[Matt McCusker]

And they considered having them play aliens and basketball.

[Redband]

So this is like Wild Hogs with NBA tonight.

[Paul]

Yes, Wild Hogs.

[Redband]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But those are tough gets.

[Paul]

They're Phenomenal.

[Redband]

Together.

[Ramis / Ramby]

They're.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Paul]

There's no doubt missing out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what was the job that you had before all of this?

[Paul]

I'm a construction worker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you got injured on a construction site?

[Paul]

No, I was helping someone move.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And a total separate injury. Is it a back injury?

[Paul]

No, my. I snapped my distal bicep tendon, so I had to get surgery.

[Nate Ortiz]

What the.

[Redband]

Were you carrying?

[Paul]

It was. I was in the wrong position. It was a tv. It was. I was just in the wrong position.

[Matt McCusker]

A flat screen.

[Redband]

Yeah, they're like these things.

[Paul]

It was a plasma, and if you know anything about a huge fucking plasma.

[Matt McCusker]

I gotta brush up on Newtonian physics. I didn't know how much the plasma weighed.

[Martin Phillips]

My bad.

[Paul]

Oh, my God. It's insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's just take one second here to talk about the minute of comedy that you prepared. Islamic terrorists. 72 virgins. I don't get out of bed for less than 100 virgins. What the are you talking about? What do you mean by that?

[Redband]

Yeah, what don't you get about it? Yeah, it's a fucking classic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It.

[Redband]

It's a classic, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just out of curiosity, last question. What is Williams character in this movie that features Charles Barkley and Shael o'? Neal?

[Paul]

He is a homeless wanderer, but we find out he's a fugitive. But Shaq and Chuck it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you call him Chuck now? Wow, you're so close with him.

[Paul]

No, no, he. He's fine with that. They get mugged, and they have to enlist William to help them finish their mission.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Very good. Here's a little joke book. There you go. There goes Paul, everybody. Good luck, Paul.

[Redband]

Paul, what's your last name? What is it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, there goes Paul.

[Redband]

Everybody want to have that one?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. The lovely Heidi has arrived, ladies and gentlemen, a delicious Bud Light. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Michael Scott, everyone. Michael Scott. Oh, we're down to 81.9 degrees.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Hey,

[Michael Scott]

I know what I look like. I know what I sound like. I hear it, too. Guys, I got the vibe of. I just got cast as Donatello in Tyler Perry's new Ninja Turtles movie. Yeah, he's the tech guy.

[William Montgomery]

I get it.

[Michael Scott]

I'm a weird kid. I was a weird kid. I had a lot of animals. I had a. I started off with two rabbits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I ended up with 14.

[Michael Scott]

That being said, I've seen rabbits fuck a lot, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's pretty crazy.

[Michael Scott]

It's like one rabbit minding his own business. That was my white one. Then my black one would Come hopping along, mount it, furiously fuck it for about 10 seconds, and then everyone takes off running. My question, guys. Why does rabbit sex only last 10 seconds? Is it evolution or is rabbit pussy just as good as I think?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yes. Michael scott, Wow. Is this true? You have that many rabbits?

[Joe Filey]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well,

[Michael Scott]

technically I had guinea pigs, but rabbits fuck like crazy, so it's funnier. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Guinea pigs appears to be the magical word combination of the day.

[Martin Phillips]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been used by two out of three bucket pools in an unprecedented anomaly. So, Michael, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Truly Joy]

Eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eight years? Where at?

[Michael Scott]

Fresno, California. Bakersfield, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Is that where you still live?

[Michael Scott]

No, I'm out here. Yeah, I've been here since December 30th last year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Awesome. What do you do for work?

[Michael Scott]

I work valet at Hotel Ella. And I just got a new job two months ago at Benefast. I deliver construction equipment to sites.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome. Yeah, absolutely.

[Michael Scott]

That's cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Michael Scott, what do you do for fun?

[Michael Scott]

I used to train mma. I play poker, watch movies, video games. I got cats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many cats do you have?

[Michael Scott]

Three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three cats.

[Redband]

What are their names?

[Michael Scott]

Whiskey Waffles. Those are my two girls. And I got tanuki. He's the boy.

[Redband]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's cat?

[Michael Scott]

Everything I dreamed of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. How many guinea pigs did you have at the.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah, 14.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had 14?

[Michael Scott]

Started with two and they just kept it. Got to the point where I was selling them back to the. The pet store.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah. Just a bunch of inbred, angry guinea pigs. Yeah. Incredible.

[Matt McCusker]

How old were you when you had these guinea pigs?

[Michael Scott]

12 ish.

[Matt McCusker]

So you were living with your parents?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What were they saying about all the guinea pigs?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They need guinea pig. Well, you better get the guinea. All right, now. What did they say? Oh, the police are on their way. I saw. I saw an opportunity. Everybody relax, guys, relax. These kitty pig. Man, your bedroom be stinking. Michael. It did all right.

[Paul]

It did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It did stink. This is what they said, right? Yeah. Did they kind of sound like that or did they speak perfect, perfect American English like you? They're.

[Michael Scott]

Oh, my mom.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Filey]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Michael Scott]

She sounds like me, just not like a guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Northern California black.

[Redband]

So you had. How many of those. How many of those guinea pigs were in your room at once? So you did have. So you had 14 in your room? Yeah. And you were jacking off in there in front of 14 guinea pigs. How many times you jack off in front of 14 guinea pigs? A lot I so many.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I perform better in front of a crowd.

[Michael Scott]

What can I say?

[Redband]

You could hear him. You had to be able to hear him while you were jacking off.

[Ramis / Ramby]

They.

[Redband]

You're like whiskey. Be quiet. Yeah, Michael Scott's trying to jack off around here.

[Michael Scott]

My mom accidentally killed four of them once, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did she do that?

[Michael Scott]

She's not going to like that. When I was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's going to be much madder at my impression of her than.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I think.

[Michael Scott]

You're right. I was at school one day and I had one. I had them in four, three separate cages. And she took one of the cages because she said it was a hot day, so she wanted to give him some air. So she took the cage and put it outside in the hot sun.

[Redband]

She killed them on purpose. You had two?

[Michael Scott]

I think I had three too many.

[Daniel Shepherd]

One survived, though.

[Redband]

You had a lot of guinea pigs.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Redband]

If you were my son, I would have. Yeah, Yeah. I would have put those. Bag. Those guinea pigs in a bag and got to smack them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's fine.

[Redband]

Stop watching my son Jackal, you pervert.

[Michael Scott]

That's why I got him.

[Martin Phillips]

Behold.

[Redband]

Behold my son. My children.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you bury the dead?

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you bury them?

[Michael Scott]

Backyard.

[Martin Phillips]

Nice.

[Redband]

Yeah. What type of. You know, you put up, like a

[Michael Scott]

monument to them, A shoe box.

[Redband]

They weren't anything above shoes.

[Michael Scott]

They were like pumas, too.

[Shay Phillips]

Yeah.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Redband]

You didn't put anything above ground to commemorate?

[Michael Scott]

No, not around.

[Redband]

You didn't give a. About them hoes?

[Michael Scott]

I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was a kid.

[Michael Scott]

I didn't know tombstones were, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right. Definitely the one that survived didn't have any special powers or.

[Daniel Shepherd]

He was.

[Michael Scott]

He was the first one. He was the. He started the whole thing. His name was Hammy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hammy?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

Hampton J.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Guinea pig was his name.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did the J stand for? Jenkins.

[Paul]

Jew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Jew. Okay. I love it. Michael, he was Jewish.

[Matt McCusker]

Were the other hamsters Jewish? In this mass genocide?

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Michael Scott]

I ran a guinea pig concentration.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They could not survive the mama cost. Oh, man. Wow.

[Michael Scott]

Mama cost.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did she ever explain herself why she really. She said it was hot on the inside. You know what? Honestly, if there were 14 guinea pigs in this room when I got here tonight, I would have sat four outside in a cage, too. Thank goodness for Dean from Erico Air conditioning Company.

[Redband]

Well, well, hold on. Let's see. It's still hotter than hell in here. We need to bring Dean back and kill him. Put him outside, put him in the cage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Michael, I'd love to have you back on The Secret show, man.

[Michael Scott]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's the big joke book. Michael. Michael Scott. Fantastic. We are moving along smoothly here. Bucket pool number four. This is. Is definitely a new name and I'm excited about it. Make some noise for Yoshika Gonzalez. Yoshika Gonzalez. Oh, okay. One more time for Yoshika, everybody.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Hi. A little bit about me or whatever. I'm having a sale on my only fans. Yeah. So for 30 cents a day, you can help a short bitch pay her rent. No, I am a sex worker. And I figured it's actually better than dating. Cause I usually date white men and that's a fucking pyramid scheme. So they just. They just do weird shit like, lie first of all, drink Mountain Dew and prioritize themselves. I don't. I'm just too Latina for that, you know? No, you don't. Yeah, I'm too Latina for that. Cause I'm like sucking dick, you know, washing the dishes. And in return, they make me keto fucking pancakes. Like, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yoshika Gonzalez. Hell yes. So many questions. Let's begin.

[Redband]

One of my questions. Scott's guinea pig survived. Made it all the way down here.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Excuse me.

[Redband]

No, it's not about you.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I. I got a. I. I have a. I have a serious question. When you do your sex work, you get picked up in front of the Home Depot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just kidding.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

No, but when you do your sex work, you go to the Home Depot, don't you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Sounded like a burn zero.

[Redband]

That's what you get, dude. You come into. You come at the queen. You best not miss

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yoshika Gonzalez. Hell yeah. You are definitely a specific type. Do you. Do you. Do they. Is this a condition? Is there a label for this challenge? No. You look like a tall midget. Oh, you look like a. I'm.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm a shorty. They used to be short back in the day, in the 60s, you know? I don't know what's going on now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yoshika, how long have you been attempting stand up comedy?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

For a year now. It's my last resort into screenwriting.

[Redband]

Oh, you gotta team up with Paul.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is why.

[Redband]

The new Farley Brothers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is a special episode. We have two. Two screenwriting references and two guinea pig references, and somehow they're all mashing together right here with Yoshika Gonzalez. Yoshika is an interesting name. What does that mean? How do you end up with a Japanese name?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

It's. I was named after a Japanese film camera. Yoshi. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't know?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I don't know. My dad used to say different. Like a hooker one time.

[Redband]

Hey. Called a shot,

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

cashier a book, and then. Then he told the truth, I guess.

[Matt McCusker]

38 cents.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

You said 30.

[Matt McCusker]

30 cents.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

30 cents a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that real? 30 cents.

[Matt McCusker]

Is that legal?

[Redband]

UNICEF?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Mathematically, yeah. I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do on this? Only Fans. Exactly.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Haunt people's laptops.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I don't know. I twerk. I. All right, I do. I do like anime costumes and degrade guys. Dick. Dick. Rate. Pick rate.

[Matt McCusker]

You've crossed the line.

[Redband]

That's too much. Don't do it. Don't you dare.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

There's a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been on Only Fans?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Since the Pandemic, when the strip clubs closed temporarily.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you were a stripper up to the pandemic? What was your stripper name? Easy question. Impossible to forget.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

There's been a bunch. You know, Jenna was a good one. A lot of people in Austin back in the day. Jenna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Anything crazy ever happen at the strip club? Any wild stories?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Same old, same old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You close with your parents?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Not right now. Not at the moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you think you're not close with your parents?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I didn't think this is a therapy session.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, welcome.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I'm not trying to be rude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, you're the one with your backstory, lady. I'm just following up here. Do you think your dad subscribes to your Only fans? I mean, 30 cents a day. Why wouldn't you check in on your little Dardar? You know what I mean? Okie dokie. It's a real live show, everybody.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I don't think so. No, he said he doesn't. He said he never loved me. Never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, perfect.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

We're good, though.

[Matt McCusker]

Was this a long time ago or, like, kind of recently? Was this a pandemic?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Two years ago.

[Joe Filey]

Two years.

[Matt McCusker]

During the pandemic. Everyone lost their mind during the pandemic. It's not a big deal.

[Redband]

Well, that's not nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Redband]

I'm sorry.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

It's okay, guys. We're here now.

[Redband]

Yeah, right.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Somewhere.

[Matt McCusker]

For what it's worth, I think you're worth more than 30 cents a day.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Okay.

[Redband]

Yeah, definitely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much are you making a month on Only fans? Oh, God.

[Matt McCusker]

$4.12.

[Redband]

Yeah. You're killing it. And you're making.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I make a thousand bucks.

[Redband]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how do you get everything else? How do you pay your bills if you're only Making your rent spot on from the monthly only fans. What else are you doing to make money on this side? Okay, red band, that is out of control. That is rude. That is out of line.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Red band, don't do oral, but sick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah, actually that subscribers went off the charts with that one. That explains why the white guys you've been with just lie and drink Mountain Dew all the time. If you want some honest answers, you gotta.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

No, I sell vintage. I sell vintage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, cool.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

On the markets, outside in the heat. I do actual work. I do AV work too, but you know, they hire the guys and in

[Matt McCusker]

the quality ass and vagina.

[Redband]

Is that. Is that one of the vintage shirts you're wearing?

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

No, this one.

[Redband]

I was going to say it's a cool shirt.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Thank you.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Is it vintage underwear like your used ones or something that you sell? Red band. Red band, that's trying to run a

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

program for 30 cents a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's get. Let's get back to the.

[Redband]

For a penny, you can get her 30 cents.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

I mean, it's $7 a month divided by 30. I don't know.

[Redband]

Oh, okay. All right. I see a day. Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

That's how they get you. That's how they get you.

[Redband]

That is how they get you. Cuz I was already. I subscribed under the table, said 30 cents. This is.

[Joe Filey]

Come on.

[Redband]

Adds up quick D. I'd be losing money not doing. I don't. I don't get out of bed for 100 cents. What are we talking here? But you're doing great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're going to be making a lot more money after this. I'm sure there are a lot of people watching online right now. Any other last pitches for your only fans that you would like to give to the people out there? There's many, many men.

[Redband]

Or are you trying to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trying to help her?

[Joe Filey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's just barely making her rent.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Yeah, I mean, I have a wish list, but I just have like a printer on there. No one will buy it.

[Redband]

I'll get you a printer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shane's gonna buy her a printer.

[Redband]

Promise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yoshika, here's a little joke book. Okay, Ready for it. Boom. You got it. Wow. She caught it. You're going that way.

[Redband]

Hey, nice to meet you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There she goes.

[Redband]

Back through where you came.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yoshika, everybody. There's Heidi. Yum, yum, yum. Time for another golden ticket winner, everybody. This young lady won hers maybe a little less than a year ago. She's fantastic. Works here, works on Kiltoni. Make some noise. A brand new minute from Aya, everybody. It's Aya, everyone.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Some people don't trust Muslims. I get it. Whatever. Me personally, I don't trust Jehovah Witnesses. I feel like some Jehovah Witnesses are just registered sex offenders who got really, really, really nervous at the last second. Like they were supposed to go out in the neighborhood and tell everyone what they did, which is. It's tough, you know, I molested a child. That's so. You know, they go, knock, knock. Who's there? Have you heard of the child that was touched by God? Jesus Christ. He's like, why is your parole officer here? It's like, don't worry about that. I don't know. I feel like we treat registered sex offenders so interesting in this country. Like, we make them live so far from elementary schools, but distance only makes the heart grow fonder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Aya, fantastic. Great pedophile joke.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Okay, thanks. What's up? Hey, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you doing? How's it been going, Aya?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

It's good. It's kind of warm in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

I put on a jacket, so when I take it off, I feel cooler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, look at that. A little reverse psychology on pure heat.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

How are you guys?

[Michael Scott]

That's good.

[Redband]

I gotta be honest, You're. This is good.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Everything going good?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah, everything's good. Yesterday, huh? No, no, no.

[Redband]

So, yeah, every single person that's come up here is just.

[Matt McCusker]

My dad died. My dad hates me.

[Redband]

Yeah. Things are bad.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah. No. You guys didn't even hear what happened with my dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what happened?

[Matt McCusker]

Is he good?

[Redband]

Die and give you that jacket? Where is he?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

No, yesterday I taught him that you have to boil pasta and water.

[Matt McCusker]

What was he doing before?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

He didn't know about that.

[Matt McCusker]

How was he cooking pies?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

He doesn't cook. He just learned. I just taught him yesterday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay, so he's alive. That's fine.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah, he's alive.

[Redband]

Sounds like he's thriving. Sounds like he's still learning. Yeah.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Learn something new every day, so that's good. Where's he at? Where do you. Where are you from?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

From Dallas.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

All right.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

But my family's from Africa.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah, I'm Moroccan.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Nice.

[Redband]

Yeah, nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What was your dad doing with those noodles?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Eating. Eating the noodles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just wanted raw, hard noodles?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Well, no, I. I boiled them for. For him. And yesterday he came and he was like, oh, so that's how you do it? He said he's always seen people make pasta, but he never paid attention.

[Redband]

He's just been sitting on the floor. Indian Sally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Incredible.

[Redband]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Amazing. Aya, what else is going on? Anything else crazy?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

I recently, I had a weird dream the other day. I had a dream that there was this girl and she was really young. She was like 17, 16. And she was like in a trap house. And I didn't know what to tell her to get out of the trap house. So I just told her girls like you end up fat in their 20s. And she left. I got her at the trap house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Hey, give it up for her and her dream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Redband]

The fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about?

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

It's just my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no doubt about it.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

It's just the truth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, great new minute, Aya. Favorite pedophile joke of the day. Without a doubt so far. One more time for Aya. Everybody back to the bucket. We go three ladies in a row. Make some noise to your next comedian. It's Jenny Rodriguez, everyone. Jenny Rodriguez.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I just watched this documentary on Netflix recently. It was about a woman who went to jail after she had sex with a man who the courts had deemed mentally incapacitated. This was a man who was intellectually disabled. And that just goes to show that there's hope for all of you guys here tonight. Able bodied women are having sex with. I know I am. I love him. He's my best friend, my partner in crime, my pic. You guys heard that partner in crime pic? But I'm Mexican, so that would make me his spicy S pic. It's Texas. Do you want me to spell that out for you guys? We actually just saw the Fantastic Four movie. I gave a hand job during it. I guess you could call it a Fantastic Five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boop, boop, boop.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

That's been my time. I've been Jenny Rodriguez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jenny Rodriguez, welcome to the show. Jenny. Have you been on before?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I have, couple times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do we find out the other times you were on about?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Yo, I hate to throw this out here, but I work in a tire shop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Hell yeah.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I'm engaged. That's pretty much it from the last two times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What does your man do?

[Redband]

What's his name?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

He. He works at Jared Jewelers. He's a jeweler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Oh, we did pro wrestling. That was another thing that we did right now. We just finished clown school, actually. Okay, so that's another good choice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You learned stuff at clown school?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Did I learn this stuff at clown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Did you learn a lot of stuff?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Oh, I really did, actually. I learned how to do like balloon animals.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any balloons on you?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I wish I did. I literally thought about bringing my skirt,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

but Is there anything you could do in the clown world right now? If John played some clown music and we gave you a spotlight. One, two, three, four.

[Redband]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nothing. Okay.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I need props.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I do a lot of, like, gimmick. I do, like, some magic tricks, but I'm not, like, really good. You know, it's all very sleight of hand stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What if somebody has a condom? Can you do something with a condom as a red band? Thank you so much. You're no. Great. No. Yeah, great. Thank you. Red band.

[Redband]

Nobody here has a condom.

[Joe Filey]

Dude.

[Redband]

80s.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jenny Rodriguez. So how's stand up been going for you?

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Stand up's been going pretty well the last few months. I've been focusing on clown school, ironically, but I've been, you know, hitting mics, going to shows, just trying to do what I can around here. It is a little more difficult, I think, finding a good clique around here compared to where I was last past before I moved here. I came from South Bend area.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you a fan of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish?

[Redband]

Definitely not, bro.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

Yeah, Notre Dame or like, Notre Dame?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Insane clown, Bossy sucks dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Football rules.

[Jenny Rodriguez]

I love sports.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Well, Jenny, congratulations. You got picked for another minute. You've been on the show multiple times. There she goes. Jenny Rodriguez, everybody. We're gonna keep flying through it. Here we go. On to the next one. It's cooling down. We're at 80.4 degrees. We are around the corner from the 70s, everybody. This next bucket bowls from the inside. Make some noise for Truly Joy. Truly Joy from the inside. Is that real? Oh, wow. The furthest possible fucking seat in the entire venue. Literally can't make it up, everyone. How perfect? It's great. Awesome. You would think we would coordinate this better that someone signs up and they don't sit in the seat that's 97 seconds away from the front. Tire. Season 2 out now on Netflix, everybody. A Madison Square Garden coming up this week. The 15th, we do stand up. The 16th, we do kill Tony. Where the fuck is this fucking inside bucket pool? Thanks so much for Chuly Joy, everyone.

[Truly Joy]

So I have pretty bad luck on dating apps. Like, I literally don't get any matches. And I got this buddy who's just bragging about all the matches he has. So one day I was like, let's see him. He's on Grindr and he's got tons of matches. That's kind of like a weird flex, but Then it dawned on me. If I was gay, a lot of my problems would disappear. Like, I wouldn't be as lonely. I would have better fashion sense, and I'd be in great shape. Because you have to be strong to fuck a dude, right? It's like fucking a bear. And then even jacking off in the mirror would be better. Like, come on, guys, dial in. All right, you're jacking off in the mirror, and there's a hot dude jacking off to you in the mirror, right? You start going faster, he starts going faster, right? And then you jack off and you bust a nut. And then this dude who's been jacking off to you for 25 minutes bust a nut to you busting a nut. Pretty fucking awesome if you're gay, right? Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Truly. Joy, welcome back.

[Redband]

I like that you say jacking off would be in the mirror. Would be better if you're better. As if you do jack off in the mirror.

[Truly Joy]

Have you ever?

[Redband]

No. Look at me. I don't want to see this. Do you jack off of them? No, I don't, but 25 minutes is crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

You're gonna milk it, dude.

[Truly Joy]

Like, I'm not trying to bust a nut.

[Matt McCusker]

It not be worth it, dude.

[Redband]

Jack it off in the mirror for 25 minutes, bro.

[Truly Joy]

Don't knock it until you try it.

[Redband]

Well, I will.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

25 minutes is what stands out about that material. Do you really extend your jack off experience for that long?

[Truly Joy]

Yeah, when I do jack off, I definitely milk it, but I try not to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say milk it, are you implying imaging, guys?

[Truly Joy]

All right, whatever. I'm weird.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You last 25 minutes with yourself when I do it?

[Truly Joy]

Yeah, I try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you're about to come, what do you picture?

[Truly Joy]

What do you mean, dude?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, what you're saying that you're edging, right? So, like, how do you stop yourself?

[Truly Joy]

Something that turns you on, huh? And then you, like, get ready, and then you just ride that wave until you are ready to bust a nut.

[Redband]

And then you plan on killing Bart Simpson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

And you spend the rest of the night watching out for Rakes on the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ground

[Redband]

or party rock.

[Joe Filey]

Whatever.

[Redband]

Either one. Either one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you tend to watch when you're jerking off?

[Truly Joy]

Truly, Joy, honestly, I have a pretty vast spank bank. So, like, I just. What are some of the wilder categories?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, what are some of the weirder things that you're into?

[Truly Joy]

I'm into.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like.

[Truly Joy]

Like Dom sub stuff, you know? DS you got. You know about that?

[Redband]

Who's the I've heard of it.

[Mighty Mike]

Who's the D?

[Matt McCusker]

Are you a Dom or a sub?

[Truly Joy]

I'm a Dom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, dude, I'm already subbing out to you right now. This is crazy.

[Redband]

Yeah, we're all sitting down in your dominoes, dude. You can't domus like this while we're sitting down, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Tony, give him a big notebook right now.

[Redband]

Get rid of this Dom, daddy.

[Michael Scott]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the craziest thing you've ever done, Dom Wise in real life? Picturing you in like a pig mask with your hair hanging out and everybody being like, well, I know who that is.

[Truly Joy]

I was living in LA and I was like going to these parties and it was pretty crazy. They were like, they're like, we're gonna film this. And I was like, I was like, I don't want to be filmed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Truly Joy]

And they're like, put on a mask. No one's gonna know who you are. And I'm like, yeah, no one's gonna know the tall ass dude with afro and blue eyes. But I just had them film behind me. But I just had like this girl and they were like, had all these toys. I like you. I like using my own parts and my hands and stuff. But yeah, they had like all these crazy toys. So we did that stuff and I was just like, I. I would find myself like an open minded person, you know.

[Redband]

You work with your hands.

[Truly Joy]

Yeah, I'm working with. Yeah, exactly.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Redband]

No, it's toy. You're a hands man.

[Matt McCusker]

How are you doming though? Like, where was the dom?

[Redband]

You got your cheeks.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like sounding kind of sub. I'm not

[Nate Ortiz]

do.

[Matt McCusker]

You're.

[Truly Joy]

You're in charge, you know, like there's some dudes that like want the girls to take control and you know, like I want to be in control. I'm in control.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh,

[Redband]

you like that dude ever again? How dare you D, my friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You watch out, Shane, I'll dump you.

[Redband]

Come up here. Don't D me, I'm coming over there. I can't believe you're not doing good on dating apps. Yo, you're a handsome fella. You know you. Yeah, man. God damn. You know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Truly Joy]

I work in av. Freelance.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Truly Joy]

Mostly.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I know.

[Truly Joy]

I heard everyone saying that. Yeah, I've done some catering jobs since I moved here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Truly Joy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They make you wear a hair net?

[Truly Joy]

They. They make me pull my hair back in a ponytail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Damn.

[Truly Joy]

Yeah, it looks different.

[Matt McCusker]

It's fucked up.

[Truly Joy]

It disappears.

[Redband]

Intense eye contact.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about for Fun. What do you do for fun?

[Truly Joy]

I like going to White Horse. I've been practicing two step, like, learning. I like Barton Springs. I go there almost every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Redband]

You find anybody Dom out there?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Truly Joy]

A little bit? Yeah. Dude, the girls out there are freaky.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what's your love life like?

[Truly Joy]

I don't have a girlfriend here, but I have, like, a lover on the East Coast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a lover on the East Coast?

[Truly Joy]

She's my sub.

[Redband]

Jesus.

[Matt McCusker]

What'd you do, text it, bro?

[Truly Joy]

Like, you get some, bro, get the

[Redband]

out of here, yo.

[Truly Joy]

Oh, sorry.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yo.

[Redband]

What the.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, you're so horny and angry.

[Truly Joy]

What's his name? I'm like, bro, come on now.

[Matt McCusker]

He said what's his name? Hilarious.

[Redband]

I mean, what's his name? What's his name's a classic. I have a lover on the East.

[Matt McCusker]

What's yourself doing right now?

[Truly Joy]

She's probably sleeping. Honestly.

[Matt McCusker]

She'll wake her up.

[Martin Phillips]

Wake up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. A real Dom would wake her up. Yeah.

[Truly Joy]

Damn, bro. I'm gonna call her after this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we're not going to. We're gonna keep it moving along. Truly Joy. There he goes.

[Truly Joy]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There goes Truly Joy, everybody. Hell, yeah. There he goes, everyone. All right, fist bumps for the Dom, Julie.

[Redband]

I thought he was pretty funny up there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, this looks like a fun name and a new name. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Mighty Mike, everyone. Mighty Mike. Okay. All right,

[Mighty Mike]

Man, that last comic looked like Kalito from wwe, didn't he? What it's like to be cool. Nah, man. Man, I'm about to quit comedy, man. This shit don't make no money in this motherfucker, man. I'm broke, man. I'm so broke, man. I can't even be racist with my laundry. That's how broke I am. I got. I feel like that's the last white racist activity. White and blacks set apart, buddy. I put the whites first. I'm black. I put the blacks first.

[Paul]

That's what the.

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah, man. I hear mixing leftovers and shit. I made Jamaican food the other day. Rice and pasta. Call it rasta.

[Shay Phillips]

That's

[Mighty Mike]

Bumble Clock.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Nah, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man.

[Mighty Mike]

Tritz.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Mighty Mike]

Okay, that's the male right there. All right.

[Michael Scott]

That's a cat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's okay. All right, Mighty Mike, slightly having a mental breakdown towards the end of his set there. Mighty Mike, welcome back. You've been on this show before, talking to the microphone there. We have mics here in America

[Mighty Mike]

with the shots.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what were you Saying, go ahead, say no.

[Mighty Mike]

I said, I'm Mike IO, baby. Yeah. I put Mighty Mike. That's my stage name. Mighty Mike. I put that on there today.

[Redband]

And I was. I was on here last time, right?

[Mighty Mike]

No, I don't.

[Nate Ortiz]

I wasn't.

[Mighty Mike]

Shame, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Man.

[Mighty Mike]

Respect, bro. I respect you, bro.

[Redband]

Never mind. I thought I was.

[Mighty Mike]

No, you wasn't. You wasn't.

[Redband]

Oh, all right, well, maybe. Yeah, maybe I am actually racist. You got up here. I was like, oh, I remember everything. He's very good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We. We know. M. Mike, relax, Relax. So tell us what's been going on, Mike. You said you're broke. What do you do for work?

[Mighty Mike]

Oh, I just got a new job at FedEx. The last time I was at Amazon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you're just still delivering packages.

[Mighty Mike]

Still delivering packages? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The packages don't talk, so the packages don't talk. What do you mean by that?

[Mighty Mike]

Except I used to be in an office. I used to work in an office and offices. People talk a lot, huh? But when you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now you're driving the truck.

[Mighty Mike]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're dropping off the packages. How long you. How long you been doing that for?

[Mighty Mike]

As far as dropping packages off? I. Again, I started with Amazon. I was like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got the Amazon thing. We're talking about FedEx. How long?

[Mighty Mike]

FedEx is like two weeks, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two weeks.

[Truly Joy]

A week.

[Redband]

A week.

[Mighty Mike]

A week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A week. So how do you do? Do you have any specific style? Has anything crazy happened yet? Do you.

[Mighty Mike]

No, no, I'm still training right now. And n. Still training?

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah, they still got me training.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. What have you learned so far, man,

[Mighty Mike]

you gotta put the packages where the white people want them. Cause they'll. They'll type up that review, man. Next thing you know.

[Redband]

All right, you gotta keep them right where the black people can still get them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I help my out.

[Mighty Mike]

I was in the hood today. I was in the hood today. You know, I help my out.

[William Montgomery]

I.

[Mighty Mike]

You know. Hey, come quick. Brian, get your

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie. Mighty Mike. How about for fun? What are some hobbies of yours? What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up, man?

[Mighty Mike]

When I'm done doing stand up,

[Ramis / Ramby]

man,

[Mighty Mike]

think about how black people could be better. That's what I think about same.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What have you come up with exactly? We've been wondering the same thing, so you go right ahead.

[Mighty Mike]

You know, I was chilling in my balcony the other day, man, blowing the trees, and I was like, man, the head knot thing that black people do, man, we need to get Rid of that.

[Redband]

No, it's nice.

[Mighty Mike]

I mean, we got say speak words, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi.

[Martin Phillips]

Hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hello.

[Redband]

Well, if you do it like that, that's gonna be a problem. If I was walking by and the black guy was like, hi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, like that.

[Mighty Mike]

No, you know, you gotta smile.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what's up.

[Mighty Mike]

Exactly.

[Redband]

The head thing's nice.

[Mighty Mike]

I am headed and traumatized, man. I am headed and traumatized.

[Redband]

Oh, yeah, you're for. Yeah. And are. You're from Nigeria.

[Mighty Mike]

I was born and raised in Nigeria, yes.

[Redband]

Now, you came here and you're telling the black American they're not doing it right?

[Paul]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm telling them to pull their pants up. I get it.

[Mighty Mike]

You know, I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What else is on this list?

[Mighty Mike]

Pants up.

[Shay Phillips]

So what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else is on your list of how they can do better? Number two on the list.

[Mighty Mike]

Number two, man. Pay bills.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Mighty Mike]

Niggas could pay bills, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For real. For real.

[Mighty Mike]

Like when I had a lot of money, I used to pay my bills. I was like, white man, just paying my bills on time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Mighty Mike]

I'm a little. I don't got it like that no more right now. So I'm dodging too. I'm being black, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Juking the bill collectors.

[Mighty Mike]

Sunrise death. Who is that? They called me at six in the morning every time.

[Redband]

So live them. I gotta tell you, this isn't a racial problem. This is.

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah, this is a me problem, huh?

[Redband]

No, no. Well, yeah, whoever the individual is, yeah. Okay, but we've all been there. Yeah, I've dodged. I've dodged deck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you owe money for? What are some of your debts?

[Mighty Mike]

I know, right now I owe. I owe Charter. Charter Communications right now, man. I owe him about $300.

[Redband]

Who the is that?

[Joe Filey]

Yeah, what's that?

[Mighty Mike]

Charter Communication. Spectrum. Spectrum, my bad. Spectrum. Spectrum.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay, wait, you have cable or is that Internet?

[Mighty Mike]

No, Internet, man.

[Redband]

Come on, don't you know Matt?

[Matt McCusker]

Hey, boy.

[William Montgomery]

Whoa.

[Mighty Mike]

That's expensive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Do you have kids?

[Mighty Mike]

No. No kids yet, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bro, how old are you?

[Mighty Mike]

I just thrown 35.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how do you think you've avoided having kids?

[Mighty Mike]

Man, I pull out game real good, man. I ain't gonna lie, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Explain to us, what's your. What's your method?

[Mighty Mike]

Bro, I feel the pit. Like when you're about to bust a nut, you get a P feeling. That's the sign that God give you first. Like, hey, hey, man, it ain't piss. It's the other one. Just take it out and you bust. And I listen to that voice and I nut right on her and that's how I'm able to dodge that shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, man. I don't know how niggas miss that P feeling, man.

[Mighty Mike]

Child support.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not me.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you see, like, a big figure of your father in the sky and James Earltown?

[Mighty Mike]

Just like, pull out now, son.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just playing. I'm playing, I'm playing.

[Mighty Mike]

No, my dad's still around, man. He's still. He, he around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is he in Nigeria?

[Mighty Mike]

No, no, he here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where is he exactly?

[Mighty Mike]

He's in Minnesota.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And what's he doing up in Minnesota? What does a Nigerian do in Minnesota? Exactly.

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. He take walks.

[Redband]

Yeah, Somali's at the Mall of America.

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah.

[Redband]

For real.

[Mighty Mike]

They be with my dad, man. They don't know my dad of og, man. He sees speaks Italian, too, so he could talk to the mob.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No way.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And it's true that Nigerians and Somalians don't get along.

[Mighty Mike]

I mean, I with them, but, you know, when they start picking that halahala, I'm out of there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, bro.

[Mighty Mike]

Whoa. What that mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your least favorite thing about the Somalians?

[Paul]

The what?

[Martin Phillips]

Nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Craziest thing you have in your refrigerator, Mighty Mike. You have a refrigerator, right? You have your own fridge?

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah, I got a fridge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the craziest thing we would find if we opened up your refrigerator right now.

[Mighty Mike]

Some spinach and broccoli. Cause a nigga eat healthy. No? Fried chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible.

[Matt McCusker]

Does that bring you any other points?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you get any special powers when you eat the spinach or broccoli?

[Mighty Mike]

You know, man, I, I, I, I do, I do do in the morning, like, okay, the dookie come right on time in the morning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okey dokey. All right, Red band. All right. Fun stuff. There goes the Mighty Mike. You already have a big joke book there. He goes on to the next one.

[Joe Filey]

Yes, sir.

[Redband]

Appreciate you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, it has happened. 79.9 degrees, everybody. We've hit it. We are officially in the 70s. In this, the hottest episode of Kill Tony ever. Shane's got a pee. Shane's going pee. Which means I'm just going to bring up your next comedian. Make some noise for Shea Phillips, everybody. Shea Phillips.

[Redband]

Oh,

[Shay Phillips]

So I know what y' all thinking right now. What the fuck is this fake ass kimbo slice doing up here? Trying to make me laugh and shit. Supposed to be in the cage beating the shit out of people. What the fuck? Recently, I've been trying to get back into dating. And I've been kind of struggling. I realize I struggle because I take words a little too literally. Like, I don't like when women call me Daddy. Cause something deep inside me, something. Something deep in my DNA just makes me want to leave them. I don't know. It's like. It's like every time she says, ooh, Daddy, I'm like, you know what? We all the milk.

[Mighty Mike]

I'll be right back.

[Shay Phillips]

I'm a. She's like, you're lactose intolerant. I'm like, shit, man, would you look at that? I'll get some Newports. I'll be right back. You don't smoke. I'm like, listen, bitch, you're gonna be here on draft day, all right?

[Ramis / Ramby]

You're going to the NFL.

[Shay Phillips]

You know, a lot of people give me stupid ass questions sometimes. They ask you? Like, shayla, what's your favorite workout? Like shoulder press, chest press, bench press. I'm like, I'm depressed. The. Why do you think I work out so much?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Shay Phillips, welcome to the show. Shay, this is your first time on?

[Shay Phillips]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing standup?

[Shay Phillips]

About three, four years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three or four years. Where at?

[Shay Phillips]

Houston, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That was what I was gonna guess. Yeah. Hell, yeah. What do you do for work in Houston?

[Shay Phillips]

I'm a machinist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Okay. What kind of machinery are we talking about?

[Shay Phillips]

My biceps.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Incredible. But seriously, what kind of machines do you work with?

[Shay Phillips]

Cnc? I don't know, I just. I just press buttons and shit, dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, awesome. Sounds professional as fuck. Hell, yeah. And you don't have kids?

[Shay Phillips]

No, not that I know of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a girlfriend? Nah. You're just single? Running machines? What do you do for fun?

[Shay Phillips]

I like to lift weights. I like to choke people. I do Jiu Jitsu and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do Jiu Jitsu?

[Shay Phillips]

Yeah, man.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Shay Phillips]

Like, eat a lot of food?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you know. What do you like to eat?

[Shay Phillips]

Barbecue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Barbecue what?

[Redband]

Chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. You just won the game, everybody.

[Shay Phillips]

He got out of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Shay, how often do you come to Austin, Texas to sign up for the show?

[Shay Phillips]

First time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time?

[Shay Phillips]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you. You got lucky. Incredible.

[Shay Phillips]

Is that one of the dogs?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, that is. You remember La Mer?

[Redband]

You look good, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're at a Lamar. This is lascare. Hey, I'm just saying, the last thing

[Shay Phillips]

you want some hga, Some trt?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Okay. Shay. Craziest thing that's happened to you at the gym. Anything ever stand out to you? Any white women ever accuse you of staring at them or something like that?

[Shay Phillips]

No.

[Mighty Mike]

But I did have an old white

[Shay Phillips]

lady try to kidnap me one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, tell us all about it.

[Shay Phillips]

Well, I'm at the gym and shit,

[Mighty Mike]

and she goes, oh, well, I just

[Shay Phillips]

need help getting out to my car, getting blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, lady, I don't work here. But instead, she starts dragging me outside and shit. And she's like, I can't carry this by myself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get inside the car.

[Shay Phillips]

I'm like, hold up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You think she was trying to have sex sex with you?

[Shay Phillips]

I think she only pick a bunch of heavy for it. I'm like, nah, dog, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shay Phillips]

Give her a Juneteenth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shay Phillips]

Emancipation proclamation. I'm free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Matt McCusker]

What did she want you to pick up for herself?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

She was a fat bitch. What do you expect? Was she fat?

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Shucks.

[Shay Phillips]

That could try to get me.

[Redband]

That could have been great. How old?

[Shay Phillips]

Old enough.

[Redband]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old enough that you would be, like,

[Shay Phillips]

old enough for a 401k?

[Redband]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Why'd you hesitate?

[Shay Phillips]

I'm stupid. I want to keep doing comedy.

[Matt McCusker]

You probably do the right thing, actually.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I don't know.

[Shay Phillips]

I could have had a better life, man.

[Redband]

Sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting. Shay, what's the craziest thing about your life that we would find interesting about you? You ever save anyone's life? Accomplish anything, any big.

[Shay Phillips]

Let's see. The craziest thing I ever did in my life, dude. When I was in the military, there was a kid that was trying to walk home, but it turns out that this island, like, it floods like crazy. And so as the kids walking, like, his face is, like, seeing his face out the water and stuff. So I basically had to carry the home, you know, at least he didn't drown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was this?

[Shay Phillips]

At the Marshall Islands.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yeah. And what. Exactly what branch of the military were you in?

[Shay Phillips]

I was in the navy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what did you do exactly in the navy?

[Shay Phillips]

I was in the construction forces. I was a mechanic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. Look at you helping someone else not drown. Absolutely amazing.

[Shay Phillips]

I had to pass the swim test, dog. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Okay, Shay. Three or four years in Houston. Your first time on. Very fun. And here is. Oh, we don't have any mediums. I guess you're getting a big one. There you go. Shea Phillips. Boom. Shay Phillips. Yeah, bro. Oh, I did that one quick, huh? Oops. Hey, look, it's the lovely Heidi. This episode is brought to you by ExpressVPN. We went close there. Yeah. How many people like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sure they do?

[Redband]

Almost everyone's doing bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. They, like is hot. It is hot.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No doubt about it. For those of you watching on the Internet, congratulations. This is the episode to be in the air conditioning.

[Redband]

If it was cold, we'd be fucking killing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It would be a whole different episode. It's crazy, but, you know, it happens sometimes. Every once in a great, great while. Okay. Awesome. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next comedian. You guys having fun out there still? Do we care about how hot it is in the room? Make some noise for Nate Ortiz, everyone. Nate Ortiz.

[Nate Ortiz]

I've been on all the mat apps lately.

[Shay Phillips]

I know.

[Nate Ortiz]

I've been on Tinder, Bumble, Doordash,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just

[Nate Ortiz]

looking For Love and McNuggets at this point, you know, I'll entertain a Salvadorian man if he's giving me subway, you know, Just want to watch Smackdown, dude. I even paid 20 bucks for that Tinder premium to find out. The two women I match with look just like me. Same facial hair and everything. It got to the point I had to ask my buddies for advice. I'm like, hey, man, how do I get better matches? How do I beat this algorithm? They're like, nate, you should start losing some weight, bro. You start to look like a Puerto Rican mom from the back. So I said, wepa, dude. So I updated my Tinder profile. I said, from the front, I look like if Hagrid started a twitch channel. But from the back, dude, looks like I'm washing dishes while salsa dancing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Nate Ortiz. This is your first time on this show, right?

[Nate Ortiz]

Yes, yes. Yeah, for the very first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome. How long you been doing standup?

[Nate Ortiz]

Five years in Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you're from Houston too, huh? Did you know Shay?

[Nate Ortiz]

I'm sorry?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you know Shay?

[Nate Ortiz]

I know Shay. We're actually the same weight.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Wow.

[Nate Ortiz]

His personal trainer. All right, fuck you guys. Dude, it's real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's Nate. What do you do for work?

[Nate Ortiz]

I actually just got laid off Saturday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I was working.

[Redband]

Country's in shambles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I've noticed that.

[Nate Ortiz]

No, they found out that I actually wasn't white, and I was fully Puerto Rican, and they let me go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was this job?

[Nate Ortiz]

I was selling Samsung phones. Not at, like, a.

[Redband]

That's mostly Puerto Rican job.

[Nate Ortiz]

Our clientele is very Middle Eastern, very Nigerian. A lot of haggling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm not good with it. Haggling, Nigerians.

[Nate Ortiz]

I don't even know how to spell the word, so I just Gave them a good deal.

[Matt McCusker]

You do have the ass of a phone store manager. I'm surprised I let you go.

[Nate Ortiz]

I did work at T Mobile. That's actually the most Hispanic thing about me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's crazy. So why exactly did they let you go?

[Nate Ortiz]

Oh, I was very late. Three times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why? Why were you late?

[Nate Ortiz]

I did coke till 7am Ah, there it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why you're shaped like that. Yeah, yeah. The mixture of bad food and cocaine

[Nate Ortiz]

has you shaped like I say, good decisions, but okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the most fun that you've ever had on cocaine until 7am?

[Nate Ortiz]

My cocaine song is actually you can call me Al by Paul Simon and I like listening to it in tighty whities, but yeah, that's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You do cocaine by yourself?

[Nate Ortiz]

Oh, it's the best. I don't have to share with nobody.

[Redband]

Yeah, I've been there. I've been there, brother.

[Nate Ortiz]

I just lost my job, Tony. I can't.

[Redband]

You get home, you go, oh, I still have some left from the party. Now it's time to keep going. Then you jack off in the mirror.

[Nate Ortiz]

That's a good time till like 9am yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Redband]

It's too much. It's a real negative experience. Yeah, but for a while it's awesome. When you're in your underwear dancing to fucking Paul Simon.

[Nate Ortiz]

Yeah, it's pretty great.

[Redband]

That's a good time. Whatever.

[Nate Ortiz]

You had a great special on YouTube.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible how much you look like an unhealthy version of one of my friends. Philip, can you come down here? I want to do a side by side of you and my friend Philip. Where's Philip at?

[Nate Ortiz]

Tony the coconut. I actually lost like 60 pounds, dude, so this is the healthiest I've been in years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to. Well, incredible. How much do you. Are you still doing a lot of cocaine?

[Nate Ortiz]

Oh, yeah, I was doing it a lot earlier. Later.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Earlier?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Nate Ortiz]

You want. You need. You need a bump?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, I'm good. Permanently good.

[Nate Ortiz]

Do you have a bump?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nope. All right. I don't do it. How long? How. How do you afford it if you're out of a job? Job?

[Nate Ortiz]

I'm not even really a comedian. I do the shows for the pay and the free drink tickets. So that's really it.

[Redband]

You got into comedy for the pay?

[Nate Ortiz]

No, I got it for the free drinks, dude. Yeah, yeah.

[Redband]

Well, you said pay on, but whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even for free drinks, it doesn't make sense. Here's a healthy version of yourself. Stand side by side with, like, this. Side by side. Side by side. Keep. Keep going up, Philip. Keep going up. Keep going up. Keep going up. Now stand side by side. Square up to a camera. Look at a camera together. Look at the one on the right over there. Look at that guy. Yeah. See the faces? That's what you could look like if you just ate sushi and didn't do cocaine.

[Redband]

And, Phil, you've been losing a little weight.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I have?

[Redband]

Yeah. When you were jumping, you really did look like that guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I lost 30 pounds. Not like 130. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So you're saying you should do meth? That's the thing.

[Nate Ortiz]

That's actually more expensive. I tried. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So incredible. Philip, do you have any advice for him on exactly how to get his life together?

[Daniel Shepherd]

Well, I lost, like, 30 pounds, not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You need to lose a little bit more than that.

[Daniel Shepherd]

Eat healthy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drink a lot of water.

[Redband]

Did you ever hear that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do less coke. I don't know.

[Redband]

Or more.

[Joe Filey]

I know, Tony. I know you saw me hesitate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Because when you said Philip, I was like, yeah, is there another Philip up here? No, you're.

[Daniel Shepherd]

I don't look anything like this dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you look exactly like him. You have the exact same face. Unfortunately, he's just so much fatter. Only I can see it, but, yeah, you have the same face. If you, like, if something terrible happened and you completely went Lieutenant Daniel on yourself, this is what you would look like.

[Matt McCusker]

This sucks for both of you right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it does. Philip has a new podcast on the your mom's House Network. What's that called?

[Daniel Shepherd]

The Not a Damn Chance Podcast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not a Damn Chance Podcast. There you go. There's a free plug. There goes Philip and Nate Ortiz. Anything else crazy we should know about you? You seem like you have a lot of backstory.

[Redband]

My.

[Nate Ortiz]

My ex girlfriend was non binary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Redband]

What was his name?

[Nate Ortiz]

We wore the same bra. Yeah, it was great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was. Was it always non binary, or did that happen when you were dating?

[Nate Ortiz]

I didn't. I didn't know until we were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what did you find out?

[Redband]

Use the wrong pronoun while you were.

[Nate Ortiz]

She kept calling me brother. You know, like Hulk Hogan.

[Redband]

Oh, damn, Rip.

[Nate Ortiz]

I was like, wait, what? No, I had a lot of hard times with whatever, because, like, I couldn't figure out words to say during an argument, you know? So I just kept saying, shit, my dad said. So I was like, hey, calm down, slugger.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Nate Ortiz]

Yeah, you got that one, champion.

[Redband]

You can't call her a bitch. You gotta be like, hey, jerk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The whole thing's so weird to Me. Was she non binary when you started dating her?

[Nate Ortiz]

No, she looked beautiful, dude. And then we got together and then cut all her hair off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what else changed other than the haircut?

[Truly Joy]

She.

[Nate Ortiz]

Her pits got hairier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what else changed?

[Nate Ortiz]

Her legs got. Everything got hairier. That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Nate Ortiz]

It was not a good experience.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And was she on medication at the time?

[Nate Ortiz]

I don't know. Liberalism? I don't know. Like, no, but I liked it because she. She was the only one to allow me to just face fuck all night, which was really great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what do you mean by that exactly?

[Nate Ortiz]

You mean do cocaine fupa on the chant? Tony, that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, me. All right, well, you know what? You actually did good.

[Redband]

So here's a picture.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there you go. Just throwing joke books at people tonight. Just bouncing them right off there.

[Nate Ortiz]

Oh, okay. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. There he goes. All right. And another bucket full. We are back into the 80s. It's 80.2 degrees. For those of you paying attention. Somehow it's getting warmer again. Everybody who likes it hot in here, okay?

[Redband]

Hey, by the way, Dean. Dean didn't do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Redband]

Where the is Dean? Yeah, Dean gave us two degrees less. Yeah, Dean. Frank Dean's ass down here. Gonna shave his head. Give him a crew cut. Tell him to start acting right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pull another name. Let's go. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Joe Filey. Joe Filey.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah. God damn. Getting real tired again. Called white trash. I, like, think I'm like, upper middle class trash. You know what I mean? Like, we got some money with the problem. Like, my sister invents her own parties and holidays. Like, she had a skin tone reveal party. If you don't know what that is. It's just she fucked three guys that year and didn't have health insurance. And they all came to the hospital and my dad held the baby up like Lion King style. It was like a skin tone. And it was crazy because, like, I don't know, it sounds horrible. I have to say it, but, like, how good is my sister's pussy? Cause I, as a white guy, you know how good the pussy would have to be for me to go with a black guy and a Mexican guy to the hospital to find out if it's my kid. And then you still stay around and raise the black kid as the white guy. Like, it was crazy. Two days before I was 12 and two days before I knew that the baby was gonna be black. Cause we were in the hospital and the black guy's like, yo, I need to go get some milk. And left the hospital like they have it here. All right, that's my time. Thank y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joe Filey. Good job, Joe.

[Joe Filey]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Paul]

Yeah, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been on this show before, am I correct, or have I just seen you hiding under my bed? When I was a kid.

[Joe Filey]

I mean, the bed, the bridge, but yeah. This is my third time on here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Welcome back, Joe. This had to be your best set of them all. For sure. For sure. Yes, absolutely. You've been working hard.

[Joe Filey]

Oh, yeah, working. Just. I don't know, not partying as much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah, absolutely. What kind of partying were you doing?

[Joe Filey]

Oh, there's a lot of coke. Well, I mean, the bag said Coke on it, but it tasted funny. But there was a lot of coke for a while there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And.

[Joe Filey]

I don't know, a lot of shrooms. LSD, wheat. It's 6th Street. Like there's no rules here. I don't make the rules of 6th Street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. And how long has it been since you had the operation to remove the backside horse part of your body?

[Joe Filey]

About 2, 000 years, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Incredible. I still want to make wishes every time I see you, Joe.

[Joe Filey]

Listen, they're still saying. They're saying there's nothing wrong with the water in East Palestine. So I'm gonna keep drinking the tap water in Ohio. You know what I mean?

[Redband]

Yeah. Where are you from?

[Joe Filey]

Well, Youngstown, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you are from Youngstown, Ohio?

[Joe Filey]

Well, South Bonaire, then. East Florida Ave. In Youngstown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. Even for Youngstown, you're weird looking.

[Joe Filey]

Dude, I'm the one white guy in the hood they didn't with. I have a look. I know. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is.

[Redband]

Yeah. I didn't know it was white hood. I thought it was Amish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's not the same beard. It's not Amish at all. In Youngstown, sound. Unfortunately, there's very few people that look like Joe Filey. I could see why the black people would get scared of you.

[Redband]

Scared the. Out of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get the. All right.

[Joe Filey]

I was the needle in the haystack. I guess you would say that was definitely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Joe Filey]

I said I was the needle in the haystack for sure. In Youngstown. That was Right.

[Redband]

Yeah, for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work, Joe? Fight.

[Joe Filey]

Right now? I work at a weed shop on 6th Street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Ramis / Ramby]

God damn.

[Redband]

Can you imagine buying weed?

[Joe Filey]

I must have a good face for selling weed.

[Redband]

They love it. Yeah.

[Joe Filey]

I don't know if it's like the brow Ridge. But they come in like, honey, this weed works the THCA label. Like, we're getting the weed right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No doubt about it. They're like this. This weed will make your eyes move apart from one another. You have a girlfriend?

[Joe Filey]

No. Fuck no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's dating like? Being, looking, having.

[Joe Filey]

Have you heard of the Dollhouse atx? I know you're sponsored by the Yellow Rose.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. And Red Rose.

[Joe Filey]

But the Dollhouse ATX is way doper. It's like pornhub. But you like, rent the chick by the hour. You like, they have a search bar. Each chick has, like, categories. They're probably getting shut. Look, Redman's nodding. He knows. He's been there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Redman knows. Well, well, well. Look who's been playing at the Dollhouse.

[Joe Filey]

The craziest part was you followed it with the Sunset Page. That's like, I can grab my. When I follow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Order in the court. We hereby find the defendant completely guilty.

[Redband]

Yo, isn't your wife here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can see her at the Dollhouse tonight.

[Redband]

No, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, actually I. I heard about. Okay, just. Is it the place where you could like, rent like a. Yeah, that's what he just said.

[Joe Filey]

Oh, yeah, it's like Liam Neeson style. They put sheets in the bigger rooms to divide them up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the craziest thing you've done at the Dollhouse atx?

[Joe Filey]

Oh, God. What? That there was like this poor little Colombian chick and it was like I wanted a Charlie Sheen, so like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, nice and slow. Poor little Colombian chef.

[Redband]

She didn't happen to have a 30 cent OnlyFans, did she?

[Joe Filey]

But I wanted a Charlie Sheen, so like, I put some coke on my dick, I had her snort it and suck the rest. And like midway through the suck, she was like 200 more. And I just paid it to her because it was worth. That's not even a lie. Like, I could.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Joe Filey]

I wish it was. My parents are gonna see this. They're huge fans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. They are going to see what you're up to.

[Redband]

Definitely.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Siblings.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So 200 bucks and you basically got a blow job at a strip club.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah, kind of halfway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a ringing endorsement for Dollhouse atx. I mean, I almost feel bad for the red rose and yellow rose because this is the quite the ad read.

[Joe Filey]

Listen, they don't have no Heidi's at the Dollhouse, all right? If you're going to the Dollhouse for

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a Heidi, no doubt about it, they have. They have running Heidi's you can run, but you can't Heidi the chicks there probably look like you.

[Joe Filey]

There's a couple. Yeah, there's a 50 menu for sure. There's like a 3pm Hop happy hour.

[Redband]

My God, it's fourth meal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you make money at the weed shop and then you, you lug it over to the Dollhouse atx.

[Joe Filey]

Oh, that's like a once every two month thing. That's like a Red Lobster. You know what I mean? Like every two months you can go, you get some cheddar bay biscuits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really are from Youngstown. That confirms that everyone in Youngstown thinks Red Lobster is an every two month celebration. It really is. I was shocked when I grew up and got just a little bit of success and was like, oh, wow, this is not the best rest restaurant in the world. It's incredible. I was tricked for the first 18 or 19 years of my life.

[Redband]

I went there after my confirmation. It was a big deal. Bread lobster was huge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The best. I mean, you could just count on it. Big shrimp cocktail, all the biscuits. Come on, come on. No doubt about it. So.

[Redband]

So you're getting coke on your dick with a sex slave at the place.

[Joe Filey]

Sex slave in Thailand, they felt like sex slave. Shane.

[Redband]

Oh, you went to Thailand?

[Joe Filey]

Yeah, I've been to Bangkok before, but that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Joe Filey]

I have this look, brother. Like they know what when I get. I landed in Thailand. There's like 30 there. Like he's the one.

[Redband]

That's you probably. If you, if you learn Russian, you'll be sick. Dude, you look like a Dagestani wrestler. True.

[Joe Filey]

I can't fight at all. I carry a gun. That CCW class is like eight hours and you're just as tough as them. Like that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to read a couple Yelp reviews here for Dollhouse ats.

[Redband]

The Geico commercials.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go. We went in here thinking it was a sex shop. We were half right. They have a very small collection of lingerie and sex toys, but they have several women there in lingerie. So I think they might be in the business of selling something all capital letters else. If you want sex toys, go next door. It has a much larger selection. Wait, who the fuck wrote that? Matt M. Nick.

[Redband]

A piece of shit named Matt M. Wrote that.

[Matt McCusker]

I was on the search for a giant dildo. There was a bunch of naked ladies wanted to have sex with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Redband]

I hated it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a four star review from James.

[Matt McCusker]

Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It starts with. This is how you know it's good. It starts with. Okay, here's the deal. You go in and there's a lobby cost 65 bucks just to get into the main area. Is that true?

[Joe Filey]

It's like 55 on Sunday nights and Monday night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that.

[Redband]

On discount.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Early bird special.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Working on a budget. If you want a private show, it costs another six and you pick your model. And if there's more than one working there, you've already spent 130 bucks to get a non nude dance. If you want nudity, it's 100 bucks. Is that true?

[Joe Filey]

75 on Sunday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. So to get in from the lobby and get a full new dance costs 165 bucks total. Any day but Sunday. If you have money to burn and like the idea of being in your own room, one on one with a hot model dancing and grinding in your lap, it's cool. I personally prefer that to going to say Yellow Rose where there's too many drunk assholes making the place noisy. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Sorry to our great sponsors. This is fucked up. Look what you've done.

[Joe Filey]

I'll mention you when I go there next.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, it's okay. Shout out shout outs to kill. Tony, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you at the Dollhouse atx?

[Joe Filey]

Oh, I don't like anything in my butt. And the one chick was too hot to say no, so I just let her play a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, what did she put here?

[Joe Filey]

I didn't realize like the night stand had two drawers. So she opened the first one and I don't know, you look at like level one through five and it's like, I can take five, but let's start with one. And I didn't know there was like a level six through 10 in the second drawer down. I made it to eight without yelling. So that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you facing the other way or something? You just didn't see what was going on?

[Joe Filey]

I. I like you're face down in the bed and like you're peeping over like she's holding your. She doesn't want you to see what's in the drawer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right. And how much do you.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, you paid, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Redband]

You could have spoke up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, when number five was in your aspect. Let me talk to a manager right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is ridiculous.

[Joe Filey]

She was the manager. That was the manager special.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Joe Filey]

It was a $75 manager special on a Sunday and I got pegged. All right.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This place is going to be packed. Packed on Sundays from now on. This is completely backfired. Backfired is also what happened that day for you? You have a big joke book from here yet?

[Joe Filey]

I got a couple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a couple big jokes.

[Joe Filey]

I mean, they're pretty full.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. There you go. Fill them up.

[Joe Filey]

Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There goes Joe Filey, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's do one more buck bucket pool. We've had a lot on today. We've been flying through these interviews, believe it or not. Make some noise for your final bucket. How about another hand for Heidi, everybody? Your final bucket pull of the night. Makes some noise for Ramis, everyone. Or Ramb or Ramos. Oh, okay.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Hello. Hello. So last time I was here, it was thinking about bags and boxes. Yeah. And I actually worked for a moving company. I was telling Tony that. And, you know, one time I was moving this dude and I thought he had down syndrome. So I'm looking at him weird, he looking at me weird. I'm like, man, I don't know, you know? So I'm trying to be off extra soft. And then he said like, yo, I went to ASU and I grew up in Phoenix, so I'm like, oh, word? Yeah, I did shrooms and I smoked weed and drank and shit. And I'm like, wait a minute. They let people, down syndrome syndrome, do that shit. You know, that's not normal. And then at the end of the job, he gave us like 60 bucks. So I knew we didn't have downs because I was like, otherwise, he would have gave us like, Cheez its. Maybe some jelly beans, like a single marshmallow. But you gotta take it. You can't. It's gonna stick to your fingers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you gotta take it.

[Ramis / Ramby]

You can't not say no. Right? Yeah, that's my name. Ram. B.

[Mighty Mike]

Thank you.

[Ramis / Ramby]

That short of a minute?

[Mighty Mike]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay, well, 50 seconds from Ramis.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I'll take it. I'll take it. Rambi. Actually, Ramby, I think there was something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. There's a little space.

[Redband]

Space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You left a space between the. The line down and that.

[Ramis / Ramby]

S. You might have heard the wrong name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I didn't. It's. Your handwriting sucks.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I'll take it.

[Truly Joy]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You see that? Can you confirm that looks like a Ramos? No, the separation between the 100.

[Redband]

Ram, Ram, B, R, A, M, B. Yeah. Oh, but you're saying right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because it doesn't connect.

[Redband]

Yes.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I even did a. I did a capital B.

[Shay Phillips]

That's you.

[Redband]

Yeah, that's you. It's Ram, B. Yeah, but you ram like lamb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Ramis / Ramby]

That's fair.

[Redband]

Yeah. And the seventies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been Doing stand up. Ramby.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I moved here in 2021, and I did about 10 open mics in Wisconsin before that. So about four years. But I. I have taken some months off because of life, you know, my dad, my pop, sp. Some other stuff.

[Redband]

Damn it.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest. But I have. I have stayed consistent with writing through that four years. So I've been doing it four years, basically. That was a roundabout. Stayed away four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Got it. How did dad die?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Leukemia. He beat it once and then it came back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, he beat leukemia once. Leukemia is your mom's name?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Depends on who you ask, I guess.

[Redband]

All right, so she's gonna love that joke. I love it, to be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how do you make money?

[Ramis / Ramby]

I work at a call center Internet company, but I can't say it. You know what I'm saying? You, like, works for right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are the hours? Like,

[Ramis / Ramby]

when do I get there? Or what are the hours? No, I'm joking. 10 to 7.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You have any trouble waking up in the morning?

[Mighty Mike]

I.

[Ramis / Ramby]

You know, before this job, I didn't. You know, I was an early riser. And now I'm like, you know what it. I'm asleep till about 9:30, you know, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, you know, got it.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I gave myself some leeway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do?

[Ramis / Ramby]

It's like. It's like a. What do you call it?

[Joe Filey]

Self care.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure. What do you do at night? Time for fun?

[Ramis / Ramby]

I go do mics and. And then I also play. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Random police cops.

[Ramis / Ramby]

But I dodge cops on Red Dead Redemption, too. That's the kind of I do, you know? I mean, Grand Theft auto.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever gotten arrested?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Never, actually. You know what's funny is a lot of people get surprised that I've never been to jail. And then when they meet me and talk to me longer, they're like, I can't even believe it. But it's just because I've been lucky, to be honest. Well, yeah. You never heard of Sammy the Bull?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

All right, well, I was in Arizona and at the time, about like, 22 years old. Now I think about it, maybe I shouldn't say this. Go ahead, fuck it. Go ahead, fuck it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let it out.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah, taxes will probably get me before this anyway, but I'm joking. But he was doing, like, an ecstasy ring, and my dude that I was living with was dealing ecstasy. And every now and then we'd make a few bucks on the weekend or whatever, you know, and all of a sudden we saw the dude that we were Getting the pills from in the parking lot on the news. And that was. I wasn't a very good drug dealer. That was the end of my drug dealing days right there. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah. 23 people were in that ecstasy ring. You can go look it up. It's real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you were in it, but you didn't.

[Ramis / Ramby]

No, no, no, no, no. Allegedly. No, no, no. Tony's not incriminating Ram today. Oh, Ramus, as you say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Ramus. Ramus is going to be.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Let's be clear.

[Mighty Mike]

Rambi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What's your love life like, Ramby?

[Ramis / Ramby]

We talked about this last time. I don't know if. Remember, I was back to the bags and boxes and I sang the song about the girl not calling me back, you know, and I. Yeah, so.

[Nate Ortiz]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

So she still ain't called. I'm chilling, man. I'm, you know, I'm really just trying to build my life up and not really worry about that side of my life because, you know, no kids. My daughter's 21. Living her life, doing her thing. Wow.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Doing very good, actually.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Great college and everything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how much did you contribute to that child?

[Ramis / Ramby]

I raised her half. I lived in Wisconsin for 20 years, which was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Very much a sacrifice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After growing up in Phoenix, it was like, fuck this shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, and how.

[Ramis / Ramby]

We're in Phoenix. Wait, where?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no. How'd you end up in Wisconsin?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Because her mom was from Wisconsin, and so we moved there and. And so I stayed there after we broke up to raise her. 50. 50%?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

White mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did the white parents take to you moving to Wisconsin, Pops?

[Shay Phillips]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give an example of what that means? These. These people up nowhere.

[Ramis / Ramby]

All right. The whole family hates me. Let's just be right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but how do you know? Given us an example.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Oh, man, that's rough, man. Because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us.

[Ramis / Ramby]

They might see this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They might. So what's one good little story you're not naming them out? Could be anything.

[Ramis / Ramby]

You ever have somebody look at you like this, like, for way too long, right? Like that? Yeah, it was constantly that, you know, I mean. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Even at Thanksgiving, like, you're supposed to have a good. Hey, let's hang out. Hey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They never said anything disrespectful or anything, though. Nothing in particular. Just to look.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I almost fought some family members.

[Redband]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Wisconsin was an interesting time. I'll just say that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I recently went back there and a bar owner looked at me across the bar for a while, like, I think I know this. Like, I'm serious. And he just kept looking at me and I'm like, why is he looking at me? And I forgot that I tried to fight him about 10 years ago. Yeah.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, how could you forget about that?

[Ramis / Ramby]

Well, you know, you live a lot. I'm 47. So if you live a life where you kind of fought some people, you Forget when it's 2am and he accused me of something I didn't do, so I was extra charged and he's behind the bar yelling to me and I'm like, hey, I'll you up type, you know. And. Well, I didn't. I was. I'm proud of myself actually. And I very much matured. I wouldn't fight nobody these days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. You're 47 years old.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You successfully raised a 21 year old daughter. Yes, sir. You've avoided getting arrested.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah. I'm a miracle right now, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's your secret? What's your secret?

[Ramis / Ramby]

I was born at six months, two pounds. Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ramis / Ramby]

So I've been a miracle over and over again. All them stats. I'm like LeBron, right? You know what I'm saying? Like I'm 47 and I'm still going, baby. You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I really feel that way. Like I wake up every morning like you're LeBron, not Ronnie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you go to a call center and take calls.

[Redband]

Yeah, I know.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

[Redband]

I'm not gonna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Someone's just yelling, get him, Shade.

[Redband]

Not going to get.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Let's go, Shane.

[Redband]

No, I appreciate. Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Hey, I would say drink. They took my drink away. I had to.

[Redband]

They took your drink?

[Ramis / Ramby]

I had some vodka. I had to sit it down. They take your drink?

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Well, I couldn't bring it down the alley, you know, I mean, I could do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't.

[Nate Ortiz]

You.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I would love toast you though. We can do a black fist up. Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. All right, Ramby.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I appreciate y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. You already have a big joke book?

[Ramis / Ramby]

No, I got a small one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, guess what, buddy. You're getting the extra dark edition Kill Tony joke book. Congratulations to Ram B. Not Ramis at all. It's Ram B. All right. It's been a hell of an episode. The hottest episode in the history of Kil Tony. We went from the 80s to the 70s back to the 80s and I'm pleased to report that we are back at 79.9 degrees right now. 50 humidity, a very rare treat. It does not work for comedy at all. But you guys are a bunch of superheroes and we thank you. Congratulations to you. And for your herodom, you shall be rewarded. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the record holder for all time appearances on the show, all time interviews on this show, the reigning, defending hall of Famer, the emperor of ExpressVPN, the Memphis Strangler, the Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine. William Montgomery, everybody. Awesome.

[William Montgomery]

Austin. I'm so excited to announce to everybody. I'm actually about to start auditioning for my first feature length film. The guy seems super nice. He actually sent the script to my father back in Memphis, which was weird as shit. It's like, how do you even get his fucking address? But I'm really excited. Ozzy osbourne died. Yeah, 30 years. I'm doing my first intervention tomorrow and I've got a ton of anxiety because I just don't know. I don't know what to wear. And that's a true one. Okay, let's keep it moving. Ah, it's sad. If you don't want me to join a cult, quit wearing all those groovy clothes in your propaganda videos. And we get free juice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sign me the up.

[William Montgomery]

Free love, no taxes. VIP access to a spaceship heading to heaven. And I get to wear the most stylish fits. Presbyterian Church, seat yos down asking for that 10% tithe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shit.

[William Montgomery]

My cult keeps it. God damn it.

[Martin Phillips]

I messed that part up.

[William Montgomery]

Presbyterian Church, sit your ass down. Asking for that 10% tithe. My cold was 100% of my assets and they're gonna keep it 100, you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

know what I'm saying?

[William Montgomery]

Have y' all seen the trailer for the new moderate to severe plaque psoriasis commercial? Okay, that's my top.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William Montgomery has done it again.

[Redband]

Yeah, I. I got you. Yeah, the intervention's tough.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Joe Filey]

Yeah.

[Redband]

I wore a Notre Dame coaches polo to my sister's intervention and sat in a hotel in Pittsburgh like, it's gotta make some change. So what are you wearing? You can't wear something cool.

[Matt McCusker]

You gotta go talks. You gotta go talk.

[Redband]

Tux is crazy. I know you're doing heroin. My name's Bond. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe a coat and tie. I don't have a touch. Maybe a suit could work.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah, okay.

[Redband]

Or you could go Notre Dame coaches bowl. It worked. My sister stopped doing heroin.

[William Montgomery]

Well, too bad. I can't stand Notre Dame. Dude, I'm a Florida Gators fan. I cannot stand after the whole. After the whole Manti Teo debacle y' all handle. I can't stand Notre Dame.

[Redband]

No, no, no. How's that a debacle? Dude, he was innocent also, so. Yeah, whatever. You guys are totally irrelevant these days, so. Whatever.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe this year.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

But you had a good run, William.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. This intervention, college ball. This intervention you're doing, is this for a family member, a friend? What are they. What's. What are they on?

[Redband]

Are they having a good time or a tired time?

[Martin Phillips]

Time.

[Redband]

I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

Think of the tired time.

[Redband]

They're sleepy, figure.

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Redband]

Yeah. I had a sleepy intervention myself.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, very. Is that the one with the Notre Dame jersey or was it another one?

[Redband]

Notre Dame coaches polo.

[William Montgomery]

What was your sister just getting really.

[Redband]

She's getting a little sleepy.

[William Montgomery]

She was on drugs and stuff.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Like downers.

[Redband]

Yeah. Heroin and then.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, that makes you nod off. And I think that's the situation I'm dealing with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It makes me.

[Redband]

Yeah. Well, are they mean a lot now? Have they turned mean when they're not on it? Are they stealing stuff?

[Nate Ortiz]

A little.

[William Montgomery]

A little bit, yeah. I can't have them over in my apartment.

[Redband]

That's probably heroin. And then you go, what the. Yeah, but it's. It's surprising how quickly they come back. You go, there's that person I liked. Well, you know. Well, good luck.

[William Montgomery]

I'm praying.

[Michael Scott]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

What's your speech? What's your speech going to be?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, can you give us an example? Stop doing hair.

[Redband]

Yeah, dude, do that. You deserve it.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta stop doing that, man. We're all worried about your ass. No,

[William Montgomery]

we need you eating cheddar bay biscuits again. He literally. He's not hungry anymore. He used to go to that place with me all the time. But yeah, we're gonna get him eating cheddar bay biscuits again. We're gonna get it figured out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you saying cheddar day?

[William Montgomery]

Cheddar bay biscuits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cheddar bay.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Cheddar bay biscuits. But yeah. Oh, my gosh, Tony, this past weekend, just to look at old sets, I watched every single. And I've never done this. And Tony, I want to say my heart was melting a little bit because when I'm doing these jokes, I don't really ever see yalls reactions. Too much for people up here. Reaction. And it always made me smile to myself. And I could see your ass laughing at some of my jokes. And red band, I do have to say I don't feel horrible about talking about your slutty ass mom every single time. It was like probably in a hundred sets of mine. I was talking Shit about your mom. So I did have a very nice weekend just reminiscing over these times. I had never gone back and watched them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Redban, you brought those prop glasses just for this moment with William you've been wearing. These are real glasses. But you put them on now. Yeah, I always put them on at the end so I don't forget him.

[Redband]

But you never notice that he always puts his glasses on at the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he's never done that before.

[Redband]

Come on, man. It's a classic kill, Tony. When the glasses come on, you know. It's wrapping up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think about red bands glasses, William?

[William Montgomery]

I think they make them look a lot smarter. And I had been worried. He's been looking kind of stupid recently. And I think. I think, thank God with those glasses. They make you look a lot smarter. Red band.

[Ramis / Ramby]

I'm kidding.

[William Montgomery]

You look like a weird homeless kind of person. You look scary with those glasses. I take them off. Are those even prescription glasses?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band yes, they are.

[William Montgomery]

They are. How much do they cost?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

350.

[William Montgomery]

That's embarrassing. Dumbass. I was thinking you're going to say something like that. So Will you and R. You actually do look better. I swear to God. You somehow used to look worse, I think. But yeah, I mean, you still look okay. You're getting worse.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But is this the intervention that you were planning?

[William Montgomery]

Yes. Yeah. Red band. We have to get you up out of your apartment, man. I mean, we have to get you. I know you've been holed up up there a long time. We know you're super depressed. You've been on VR way longer than normal girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stripper at the Dollhouse, man.

[Nate Ortiz]

My girl's a stripper at the Dog House, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about this new plaque and psoriasis commercial. Not many of us have seen it.

[William Montgomery]

It's just this nasty looking bitch walking around with all these fucking like. It looks like she got real sunburned on different parts of her body. That's what plaque psoriasis is. It's like this nasty disease people get. I don't know if it's sexually transmitted. I don't know how people get it, but it's just this real sickening disease people get. Yeah, yeah. No, so the commercial seems really good. It's just getting more. It's going to get people on these pills.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you. Let's go back to the intervention for a second. Have you planned a speech for this? Have you written.

[William Montgomery]

I was starting to write some earlier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[William Montgomery]

And I'm gonna have to really fit. I'M gonna finish it up.

[Redband]

Don't do it. Don't read like a. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

So I shouldn't read? Yeah. What do you think? Do I go from the heart?

[Matt McCusker]

Do it. Do a brand new minute for them.

[Redband]

I would. Yeah. Go. Go from the heart. On the intervention, if you read, it's.

[Matt McCusker]

It better kill.

[Martin Phillips]

It better kill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

It's like everybody reads like it's a best man speech. I sat in the room and everyone was like, oh, I'm a little nervous.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Redband]

It's like, this is about her.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let it flow.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, thank you. To the horrible person that belched right there. We're talking about a friend of mine that's quite literally dying, and I hear this monster burp right there. That was you. This is a nice homosexual couple right here. But you burping on his dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. It's amazing how you do that. It makes the whole place light up all crazy.

[William Montgomery]

Tony, I am stinking tonight. This is weird. I swear. I think they did the formulation of Old Spice deodorant differently. Dude, I've been stirring. I've been starting to stink at night now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh.

[Yoshika Gonzalez]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

It's never happened before. I've never stunk like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a new thing. Have you changed your diet at all?

[William Montgomery]

I just met a musil out the frame. I'm up to four cups of it a day. And I did shit twice today, which is great because I did go a span of time of three days this past week without shitting.

[Nate Ortiz]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

But I'm doing so much roe. I'm at 720 miles on the row machine since January, so I just feel like the. My body's actually really using all the bananas, all the stuff I'm eating. It's going straight to my muscles is what my guess is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[William Montgomery]

So that's why I'm not doodooing, because all the, like, the peanut butter crackers, bananas, and going straight to my muscles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what else goes straight to your muscles? Give us some examples of things that go straight to your.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, you know, I'm drinking a protein shake with scoop, but. But no, weirdly enough, a lot of jelly beans. I think a lot of these sports people are saying, go down on the sugar. No, jelly beans are good. The popcorn, the buttered popcorn, jelly beans. I'm all up in those right now, Tony, And I'm gonna bring some to the intervention tomorrow. O. I feel like everybody loves a. Yeah.

[Redband]

Get them hooked on something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think that's good? Try this.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, try these. Jelly beans.

[Redband]

But I gotta tell you, a lot of heroin people, they're gonna go straight to candy as soon as they get done. He's going right there to those jelly beans.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Redband]

If it's heroin, whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it heroin? Is that the main drug of the person getting the intervention?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, amongst cornucopia of other things.

[Redband]

Other heroin and other stuff. Oh, yeah. It's time for an intervention.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redband]

Hurry that up.

[Ramis / Ramby]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never heard you use the word cornucopia before, William. Are there any other new words in your vocabulary this week that you're excited about? Just a little spot licensed. Whoa. All right. Wait. Didn't even activate. You got sad horns on that one. Sometimes when you're not passionate about it, you get a barely a drum. Sad horns and barely any lights.

[William Montgomery]

Assessor.

[Matt McCusker]

You should do. You should do poly. Poly substance drug user.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Matt McCusker]

Poly substance drug user. That's what your friend is.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, a poly substance drug user. Poly substance drug user.

[Truly Joy]

There you go.

[William Montgomery]

The words. This is a hard one, Tony. I'm so sorry. I mean, I'm really screwing up on this one.

[Michael Scott]

I can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can say anything. Honestly. The ones that you don't really know that aren't that exciting are kind of funnier than the crazy ones. A new word this week from William Montgomery. We're almost there. And here we go. Could be anything in the world, I gotta tell you.

[Redband]

It's impossible. I'm trying to think of one word. I can't think of one word. Wyoming. Words are tough.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Domino.

[William Montgomery]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. What's the. What's the one thing that you're hoping at the. At the end of this intervention tomorrow? What's the one thing that you're hoping that the person that you're giving the intervention to will not say, I ain't ever gonna stop using drugs. That's William Montgomery. This. It's been the hottest episode of Kiltonian history. We were able to get it down to 79.2 degrees. Guys, the drawing from Ryan J. E belt is in. How loud can you guys get? For our guests tonight, Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker, everybody. You did it. Brought to you by ExpressVPN tires season two, Matt and Shane's Secret Pod on Spotify.

[Matt McCusker]

Everywhere else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything else you guys want to plug or anything? Matt?

[Matt McCusker]

I'll be in Atlantic City August 16th.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

City Ocean Casino Resort, please come the kill, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Thank you. Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis. The band will be at Blue Note in New York City the Monday after Madison Square Garden. Eight eight one eight. You got it. This episode is brought to you by ExpressVPN. One more time for the best damn band in the land and our guest, Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker. Red band. Check out the secret show every Thursday, Sunset Strip. Atx.com Love you guys. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody.

[Redband]

Sam.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.

[Sunset Strip Comedy Club Announcer]

Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.