#732 - ALI SIDDIQ + KIM CONGDON

Summary

KILL TONY #732: ALI SIDDIQ + KIM CONGDON
Recorded: August 19, 2025 | Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony, the world’s leading live podcast, brings together hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban with two standout guests: the acclaimed Ali Siddiq—fresh off the release of his most-watched special of 2025—and original series regular Kim Congdon. The panel witnesses a parade of bucket comedians (amateurs and seasoned comics alike) facing the legendary one-minute set, followed by relentless and hilarious interviews. Tonight’s themes: on-stage bombings, candid personal stories, mental health, wild career pivots, and the unpredictable glory (and pain) of stand-up.

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Featured Panel

• Tony Hinchcliffe (Host, sharp-tongued roastmaster)
• Brian Redban (Co-host, mischievous banter)
• Ali Siddiq (Guest, master storyteller, Houston legend)
• Kim Congdon (Guest, original Kill Tony regular, quick-witted crusher)

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Episode Structure

• [00:00-02:30] Intros, sponsors, band introductions (skipped in detailed summary)
• [02:30-03:55] Guest intros: Ali Siddiq (“Making a lot of money”—Ali [03:57]), Kim Congdon
• [04:00+] The show launches into the first bucket pull and never looks back.

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Key Segments & Notable Moments

1. Ali Siddiq & Kim Congdon Panel Banter

EARLY HIGHLIGHTS:

• Ali jokes about his prosperity ("I'm doing great. Making a lot of money." [03:57])
• Kim riffing on the money sign, suggesting Redban "stop it halfway" [04:19]
  Tone: Funny, playful, instantly warm rapport.

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2. Legendary Return: Sir Winston Pickles (05:44-11:12)

• Set: Dark, deadpan clown material. Jokes on losing his cell phone in “Malaysian airplane mode,” marriage, and swinging.
• Panel Roasting:
  • Clown aesthetics: “I’m terrified. I don’t fuck with clowns, man.” — Ali Siddiq [07:45]
  • “Six years of stand-up, ten years in whiteface.” — Brian Redban [07:31]
  • Pickles’ realness: Story of collecting a chopped-off schoolmate’s fingertip in wood shop (“I kept it.” [09:02]).
• Memorable quotes:
  • “I have my mother’s eyes... they’re in a Mason jar.” — Sir Winston Pickles [07:09]
  • “This is one of those moments where it’s not a bit, and we’re watching this thing that’s gonna happen.” — Kim Congdon [09:02]
  • Genuine tension and delight over Pickles’ affect and stories.

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3. Jenny Ann: The Mustang & NASA Set (11:47-19:23)

• Set: Bit about owning and selling a 1969 Mustang to impress men and her therapist.
• Pick-apart:
  • “Exactly one minute and zero punchlines.” — Tony [12:50]
  • Panel learns she’s a venture capitalist, ex-NASA employee, website builder.
  • Kim: “Honestly, the whole thing sounds like a porn audition...” [14:21]
• Secrets Spilled:
  • NASA bioengineering—grew algae in space (“Catering for astronauts.” [15:28])
  • Venture capitalist with hacker house past (“I turned an old military vehicle museum into a hacker house.” [16:21])
  • Tony: “Do you have a sex swing?” [17:32] (“No.” Jenny Ann)
  • Takes home a joke book for effort and a “shocking catch.” [19:15]

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4. Jimmy Clifford: The Helen Keller Bit (20:03-26:52)

• Set: Extended joke dissecting Helen Keller’s legend—closes on a visual of mimicking speech by “fingerbanging your teacher’s face.”
• Panel eviscerates:
  • “That bit was old at the time that this Mustang convertible that’s for sale was made.” — Brian [21:31]
  • “10 years in standup and a lifetime in Jersey—Not much to say in either.” — Brian [24:27]
• Backstory: Married an immigrant he met at the Edinburgh Fringe; just had a new baby; works as a video editor (not for child porn, Kim suggests).
• Ali: “That a lady who’s been doing comedy for six months and a guy who’s been doing it for a decade are in the same exact place.” [25:53]

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5. Liv Taylor: Thirty-something, Vet Tech, Widow (27:19-34:55)

• Set: Jokes about turning 31, “headlight and a fog light” breasts, being “sorta Rican.”
• Interview: Works as a vet tech; wildest animals? “Chihuahuas—they suck.” [29:47]
• Austin Open Mic Scene: “There’s piss literally everywhere...” [31:13]
• Personal Story:
  • Widowed at a young age (husband “flipped his truck” [32:19]).
  • Grief led to a 40-pound weight loss: “Grief’s one hell of a diet.” [32:06]
  • Tony: “If you had a husband that looked like me and he was stuck with you, I could see why he wanted to flip that truck.” [34:24]
• **Best bucket pull so far; gets a big joke book.

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6. Benny G: Most Compelling Interview of the Night (35:22-51:06)

• Set: Divorce, redhead genocide fantasy, "Anne Frank in the attic" zinger that veers dark/awkward.
• First set ever: Visibly trembling; “I found Christ a little over a year ago and he put it on my heart to come be a comedian.” [37:14]
• Overshare Marathon:
  • Diagnosed with Asperger’s after calling out to God when family ripped him off.
  • Ridiculous personal saga: three kids (most on the spectrum, youngest possibly not his—but he raises her as his own).
  • Divorce tales: ex-wife caught cheating, became a prostitute (“Hookers and blow.” [50:32]); family committing multi-million-dollar oil fraud; mother and sister did five years in prison (“You can google it; it’s a national story in Denver.” [50:21]).
• Memorable exchanges:
  • “Turns out, in a stunning turn of events, you have Asperger’s…” — Tony [39:24]
  • “And by the time we thought she might not be mine, it was too late. She’s already mine in my heart.” — Benny G [43:38]
  • The room is riveted; Tony: “It’s like all the bucket pool energy went to one chosen man.” [50:15]
  • Leaves with massive applause and a transformation from nervous to at-home on stage.

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7. Notable Short Sets & Roasts

• Ty Marion — “Special needs David Blaine” and “waxed Happy Gilmore” jokes; hit by a car since last appearance; joins the spectrum club. [51:12-56:54]
• Ben Bankus — Polished Canadian pro; jokes about having a baby son he already worries could be gay (“My son, three months old. I’m fucking worried.” [58:33]); kills with ease. [57:24-62:53]
• Dave the Butcher — Six months in, open-mic bomb, can’t see under stage lights, stumbles over ‘knock knock’ joke. Receives zero mercy: “You should take that mic and hang yourself.” — Ali [66:03] [63:17-67:18]
• Rob White — Five years of stand-up, critical bomb; owns up to infamously bad Sopranos tattoo on Opie and Anthony beloved in cringe circles. “I did the worst fucking tattoo in the history of tattooing.” [71:27]
• Just Greg — Three years in, stay-at-home dad, beatboxer, survived a flu shot gone wrong (Guillain-Barré syndrome). [75:58-82:38]

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8. Dr. Rabbit: Walmart Legally Blonde, White Professor at Black College (82:48-94:21)

• Set: Explains stage name “Dr. Rabbit” and background as a diversity hire at an HBCU.
• Interview:
  • Adopts a black daughter with special needs—“I don’t know who her father is.” [87:10] then clarifies, “She was adopted.”
  • Crowd stunned, then charmed; Kim: “You adopted a black child and you’re a professor at a black university?” [88:10]
  • Story of daughter nearly naming herself “Cardi B Ariana Grande Built” when state law allowed.
  • Faces/injury trauma, but finds confidence through comedy (“People said I was funny... so what way to kind of reimmerse to the world by going on Kill Tony”).
  • Dr. Rabbit impresses the room by catching her joke book.

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9. Dimitri King: Rap Jokes, Tech Founder, Surviving Chocolate Milk (95:26-103:11)

• Set: “I wonder what white people’s favorite rap song to sing and say nigga when niggas ain’t around…” [95:26]
• Bio: 10 years in comedy (8-year hiatus); tech founder, Market Match—swipe survey app.
• Personal Story: Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed after near-fatal ICU episode (“Chocolate milk almost killed you, pal.” — Ali [101:14])
• Ali’s Fun Fact: “I only drink [chocolate milk] if I have somebody pregnant.” [101:08]

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10. Mason Bird: NFL Quarterback Sex, Fat Guy Moves (104:00-113:36)

• Set: Relates sex life to NFL (if you “go three and out one more time, they’re gonna put in the black guy. And they should.” [104:00]); “I’m more a pocket pussy passer”; train sex joke.
• Backstory: From Detroit; works at Jersey Mike’s; details sexual experience with black women (“They tell you what they want… it is warmer.” [109:01]); dad died of cirrhosis.
• Tony/Panel: Simultaneous roasting and encouragement over his athletic claims and sex tales.

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11. Headliner: Uncle Laser’s Triumph (114:34-122:52)

• Set: Hilarious bit on attending a drag brunch, almost unironically hooking up with a post-op trans woman; gross-out “repaired penis”/microwave lasagna analogy; “ever cannonball into a kiddie pool and scrape your knee on the concrete?” [116:17]
• Interview:
  • Car stolen and found soiled by homeless guys; merch shirts used in a pedophile sting (“Nine homeless dudes came in your merch shirts to meet this 13-year-old girl at the house.” [119:29]); domme story involving being hung, milked, and discovering new sensations; “If activated correctly, you will ejaculate a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch.” [120:44]
  • Discussion on putting a finger in your ass—audience vote.
• Panel Praise: Tony and Redban heap genuine, emotional praise on Uncle Laser for the comedy growth: “When you started on this show, you were nothing more than a few funny characters… now you’re showing it in real time on stage.” — Tony [117:38]
  • Ali and Laser bond over Houston roots and street cred.

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Memorable Quotes

• Ali Siddiq (on comedy futility):
  “A lady who’s been doing comedy for six months and a guy who’s been doing it for a decade are in the same exact place.” [25:53]

• Tony Hinchcliffe (to Benny G):
  “Turns out, in a stunning turn of events, you have Asperger’s. Congratulations on being the last person to find out.” [39:24]

• Kim Congdon (on astral gender):
  “Dude, even in space, they put us in the kitchen.” [15:57]

• Ali Siddiq (on chocolate milk):
  “I only drink it if I have somebody pregnant. I didn’t drink chocolate milk nine times.” [101:08]

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Time-stamped Highlights

• 05:44: Sir Winston Pickles’ macabre clown set + fingertip story
• 14:21: Kim on Jenny Ann: “whole thing sounds like porn audition”
• 25:53: Ali sums up the fate of comics at different skill levels
• 39:24: Tony’s Asperger’s congrajoke for Benny G
• 50:21: Benny G, oil & gas heist tale
• 71:27: Rob White: “I did the worst fucking tattoo in the history of tattooing.”
• 87:10: Dr. Rabbit: “I do have a black daughter, and I don’t know who her father is.”
• 101:08: Ali’s “fun fact” about chocolate milk and kids
• 117:38: Tony’s heartfelt appraisal of Uncle Laser’s comedic ascent

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

Ironic, edgy, and self-aware, this episode captures Kill Tony at its unpredictable best: a blend of sharp panel roasting, bizarre confessions, and honest glimpses at both the pain and triumphs of open-mic comedy. Ali Siddiq’s gravitas and likability as a guest match Kim Congdon’s fearless zingers. The show’s energy peaks with compelling audience walk-ups, meteoric bombings, and an inspiring final set from Uncle Laser—an underdog now crafting truly killer minutes. If you crave live, raw comedy, this one’s a goldmine.

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For New Listeners / TL;DR

If you want the flavor of today’s Kill Tony: watch for Benny G’s confessional spree, Sir Winston Pickles’ psycho clown act, robust roasts from Kim and Ali, and a headliner set by Uncle Laser that delivers both laughs and affirmation about hard work in comedy.

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Quotes for the Ages

• “It is possible, people.” — Tony, on comic growth [122:05]
• “King Bean spiller, first of his name, Admiral of the Aspergers, the protector of thumbs: Benny G has arrived.” — Tony [44:25]
• “You should take that mic and hang yourself.” — Ali, roasting a bucket bomb [66:03]
• “If activated correctly, you will ejaculate a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch.” — Uncle Laser [120:44]

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End of summary for Kill Tony #732.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it over, Tony. It's. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. What? And that is the best damn band in all of the land, everyone. Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castell, Dio.

[Brian Redban]

Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great Matt Muling on the electric guitar, the leader of the band, John D's on the keys. And the backbone. The one and the only, the Notorious D Madness. Ladies and gentlemen, on the face. Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

What a show we are going to have tonight. We're happy to have you all. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible, especially ZipRecruiter, Shopify, Prizepix, and OpenPhone. But here's some more.

[Kim Congdon]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to [e-mail] for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single week, two of the best comedians in the world. I book on this show this week, no different. One of them has the most watched special of 2025, including 10 specials available on YouTube. The other one is one of the original regulars of the show.

[Brian Redban]

Twelve years ago, she was forced under

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the cruel tutelage unheard of at the time of writing and performing a new minute every single week for the Internet. Today, she is one of the best female standup comedians in all of the world. Our guests tonight, Ali Siddiq and Kim Congdon, everybody. Fuck yes. Oh, shit. Kim Congdon, Ali Siddiq. His new Special is on YouTube at Ali Siddique comedy. He's on tour.

[Brian Redban]

Ali Sediq comedy ali sediq.com Kim congdon.com on tour. Nashville, Tacoma, Charlotte, Fort Wayne, Dallas. Welcome back, guys. You've both done this show before. This episode brought to you by Zipper Cooter. Shopify prize picks and open phone just made an extra few tens of thousands of dollars there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't mind me. Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Business is booming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Ali, how are you?

[Ali Siddiq]

I am wonderful. I'm doing great. Making a lot of money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn right.

[Ali Siddiq]

Can they do that money sign thing?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, let's do it one more time.

[Ali Siddiq]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

We love that. Did the lights go a little bit. Do it again. Do it again. Red band. Wow. Amazing. You guys are. I love the firework edition there for no reason.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody asked for that.

[Brian Redban]

Nobody asked for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kim, how you feeling?

[Kim Congdon]

I'm doing great. Can you do the money sign but stop it halfway?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. She's coming. Coming up the ranks.

[Kim Congdon]

Kimkongdon.com for tickets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, that's right.

[Brian Redban]

You guys know how it works. About 300 comedians signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket. They do a minute uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry west Hollywood be

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

interrupt

[Brian Redban]

them and we talk about their lives, about their set, about anything that might be more interesting that they possibly could talk about or anything interesting about their lives whatsoever. The whole thing's improvised.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything can happen.

[Brian Redban]

You guys ready to start tonight's show

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

while we go wrangle the comedian from the bar next door that I just pulled out of the bucket?

[Brian Redban]

We are going to start with a very, very special comedian. While he's not a regular and he's not a golden ticket winner, he's been

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on only one time ever before.

[Brian Redban]

But I want to see more of him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think everybody wants to see more of him.

[Brian Redban]

I kind of think he's an instant legend in my mind. Make some noise for the long awaited return. Kicking off tonight's show with a brand new minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is sir Winston Pickles.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Anybody else relieved when a severe weather warning turns out to be just an amber alert? I've actually lost my cell phone. I accidentally put it in Malaysian airplane mode, so that's gone. I've been married twice. Buried my first wife. Shallow grave in the woods. No, that's just a joke, everyone. She's under the patio. The second marriage that ended when I found out my wife was a swinger. I know. I had no clue. No idea. I left work early one Friday, sneaked home, crept in the house, snuck up the stairs, opened the bedroom door, there she was. She'd hanged herself. She was swinging.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir Winston pickles. Hell yes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Hello, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back, my friend.

[Brian Redban]

I love your style. A dark, dirty, evil clown. You are so Photogenic video graphic. I'm not exactly sure what the word is, but you play well on this show.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Thank you. I have my mother's eyes.

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

They're in a Mason jar. But I have them.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, what?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

They're in a Mason jar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Brian Redban]

See what I'm talking about? He just got me again. I've been Sir Winston Pickled.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

I love your style. Sir Winston Pickles. Remind us how long you've been on stand up now.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Six years of stand up. Ten years as a clown.

[Brian Redban]

Right. Six years of standup. Ten years in whiteface. Absolutely incredible. Fun times. Is this your guys first time seeing Sir Winston Pickles, Ally?

[Ali Siddiq]

Yes. And I'm terrified. I don't fuck with clowns, man. And I'm sitting there like,

[Kim Congdon]

do a magic trick. He'll run away.

[Brian Redban]

Sir Winston Pickles. You're both British and a clown. I would imagine black people really are freaked out by.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah, I haven't seen my neighbors. No.

[Brian Redban]

You have black neighbors.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes, apparently.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay.

[Kim Congdon]

He's British. He's so white. This is like actually blackface for him.

[Brian Redban]

So, Winston Pickles, what do you do when you're not clowning around or doing stand up?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah, I collect things.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, like what? Well, people. What do you collect?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Well, my. My greatest accomplishment was getting the fingerprint of a school friend.

[Brian Redban]

Fingertips, fingertip of.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes, A school friend.

[Brian Redban]

A school friend.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Junior school. Yes. He cut his fingertip off in wood shop. And I picked it up, thought the hospital would need it. And I kept it.

[Kim Congdon]

This is one of those moments where it's not a bit. And we're watching this thing that's gonna happen.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

It's a true story.

[Kim Congdon]

We're in the documentary right now, you guys.

[Brian Redban]

Did you put it in?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I put it in. I thought the hospital would need it. I mean, bear in mind, I was only nine.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you were doing the right thing then.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Nobody asked for it, so I kept it.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. What spooky shit it is. That is freaky. That part's freaky. Do you ever. Do you ever fall asleep in the makeup?

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes. Often? Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Do you ever fall asleep?

[Brian Redban]

I love it. Sir Winston Pickles.

[Kim Congdon]

His eyes are so red, too.

[Liv Taylor]

Do you see?

[Kim Congdon]

See how red they are?

[Liv Taylor]

They're so.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

That's all these vaping.

[Brian Redban]

It affects your eyes.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yes.

[Ali Siddiq]

He has a San Antonio Mexican lady's eyebrows.

[Rob White]

Boom.

[Brian Redban]

Ali Sadiq.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're damn right he does. Holy. I was wondering what looked familiar about you.

[Brian Redban]

That's what it is. Absolutely incredible. Sir Winston, is there anything interesting about you that we haven't learned in any of the other parts of the two interviews that you've done.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Yeah, I left England and unbeknownst to anybody, I just took off.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

I had a psycho for a first wife and she came home from work and I'd already gone. Moved to America just like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Did you ever.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

True story.

[Brian Redban]

Did you ever call her and tell her? No.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Just left.

[Dimitri King]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Good for you. Yeah.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

Ally saw Chun's got out of there.

[Ali Siddiq]

If he didn't have on the makeup, he'd be a pinky blinder,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir Winston.

[Brian Redban]

That is true. Well, Sir Winston, you got tonight's show started for us. Another solid new minute. Starting with some dark clown fun. I loved it. Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise. The show has begun. Sir Winston Pickles has started it. And now we go to the bucket. Yes. And your next or your first bucket bowl of the night. As you guys know, this is where we meet somebody altogether. Could be the next future star of the show. Could be a crazy person. Anything can happen. Make some noise. Your first bucket pool. One minute uninterrupted. Going to Jenny and everybody. Jenny. And starting off the bucket.

[Jenny Ann]

Hi, everybody. My name's Jenny Ann and I bought the sexiest car America's ever made. And no, it's not a Tesla Cybertruck. It's a Mustang convertible from 1969. Yeah. Probably the year some of you were born. You're probably wondering, well, why do you have this car? Well, I wanted to attract men who like beautiful, high maintenance things over the age of 30 and now. And I wanted to impress my ex. And now I'm selling it because I want to impress my therapist. And so you're probably wondering, does it drive? Does it matter? You're in a 69 Mustang. Does it turn on? Does it matter? You're in a 69 Mustang. Will it make your dad love you? Does it matter? You're crying in a 69 Mustang. Thank you,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jenny Ann. With exactly one minute and zero punchlines. Incredible. Jenny Ann.

[Brian Redban]

I don't even know where to begin with that. My God. Unbelievable. The good news is you're already the seventh funniest stand up female stand up comedian in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I fucked that up. I that up. Your bombing is. Is airborne. I just caught it. Caught a taste of it.

[Brian Redban]

Jenny, how long have you been attempting standup comedy?

[Jenny Ann]

Six months.

[Brian Redban]

Six months? Hell yeah. What made you want to start now?

[Jenny Ann]

I need a cell. 69 Mustang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That seems to be it.

[Brian Redban]

That's a great way to do it. Yeah. Incredible. Ali Siddiq.

[Ali Siddiq]

She looks like my financial advisor.

[Jenny Ann]

That's a compliment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work, Jenny Ann?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's a finance. Are you really? You really are?

[Jenny Ann]

Yeah, I work in venture capital.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, is she really your financial advisor? Oddly said it like it was a joke. But this could really actually be your financial advisor. These people bring their whole entourages when

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

they go do shows. I'm telling you. That's why. Financial advisor, the caterer, the personal chef,

[Brian Redban]

the this, the that. So how long have you been financial advising for?

[Jenny Ann]

I've been working in venture capital for over 10 years.

[Brian Redban]

Do you really have a 69 Mustang?

[Liv Taylor]

I do.

[Jenny Ann]

You can check it out at the 6ninemustang.com.

[Kim Congdon]

Honestly, the whole thing sounds like porn audition. She came in, she was like, so you're probably wondering.

[Brian Redban]

That's incredible. And so is all of the material that you've written in the past six months about this 69 Mustang and when

[Jenny Ann]

I worked at NASA. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, tell us about working at NASA. What was that like? Is the Earth as flat as your chest?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is kill, tony.

[Ali Siddiq]

She has hips, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She does have hips. Hips have been confirmed.

[Brian Redban]

What was NASA like, Jenny? What'd you do over there?

[Jenny Ann]

It's like SpaceX's daddy.

[Brian Redban]

I know what NASA is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm asking you what you did at NASA.

[Jenny Ann]

I worked in the bioengineering department on a project to grow algae in space.

[Ali Siddiq]

Oh, catering?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yes.

[Jenny Ann]

Catering for astronauts.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, absolutely. Okay. All right, Jenny Ann, where do you live?

[Jenny Ann]

In Austin.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, how long have you lived here?

[Jenny Ann]

Since 21.

[Ali Siddiq]

20.

[Brian Redban]

21. Okay. Where were you at before that?

[Jenny Ann]

California.

[Brian Redban]

In space.

[Ali Siddiq]

In space.

[Brian Redban]

Bioengineering in space.

[Kim Congdon]

Dude, even in space, they put us in the kitchen.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, no, it's true. It is true. And in space, no one can hear

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

y' all yap all the time. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Redban]

You left the toilet free. All right, Jenny Ann, so what made you leave NASA and go into venture capitalism?

[Jenny Ann]

I turned an old military vehicle museum into a hacker house. And I had, like, eight founders, and I wanted to learn how finance worked. And so I cold emailed and got a job in bc.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what do you do for fun? What do you do for fun when you're not. When you're not.

[Jenny Ann]

Right, right.

[Liv Taylor]

Jokes.

[Jenny Ann]

That bomb.

[Brian Redban]

Right, right, right. But I mean, like, when you're not doing that, what do you. You must. When you want to, like, let your hair down and take the glasses off or whatever. Like, when you want to, she, like,

[Kim Congdon]

plugs her into, like, a USB and. Calls it a night.

[Jenny Ann]

I'm pretty Introverted. So I like spend time with. With my friends. I go on walks.

[Brian Redban]

You go on walks. Okay. That's from the therapist's advice as well. What do you do when you spend time with your friends? What do you. What do you guys do together?

[Ali Siddiq]

She chops.

[Brian Redban]

What is it?

[Jenny Ann]

We go on walks, we get dinner, we get drinks. What do you do with your friends?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. That's a good question, Jenny Ann.

[Brian Redban]

A bunch of highly detailed stuff that I would never tell you about because

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you'd be so staring at me through the outside window. Cuz you have crazy energies. Jenny Ann, do you have a sex swing?

[Jenny Ann]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Her car is actually pretty awesome. Wow. What a follow up. Follow up to the sex swing. Yes, we know what a 69 Mustang. Is that the actual website?

[Brian Redban]

That is so weird. You built a website to sell 169 Mustang?

[Jenny Ann]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You only have one for sale?

[Jenny Ann]

Yes. We can make T shirts, but have you.

[Brian Redban]

You suck at selling this car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a beautiful car.

[Brian Redban]

How much are you asking for it?

[Jenny Ann]

Whatever anyone wants to bid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, this is retarded. Jenny Ann, this is crazy. Whatever anyone wants to bid.

[Kim Congdon]

Give her spots on Kill Tony for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Much like her jokes, I feel like it doesn't work. Yeah, yeah, the red stripe.

[Brian Redban]

I'm pretty badass. Yeah. All right.

[Kim Congdon]

She has a Mustang gallery.

[Brian Redban]

That's what we're looking at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's. It's just the one car. It's.

[Liv Taylor]

You're very type A. I'm actually pretty

[Brian Redban]

type, but yeah, Jenny Ann, she lowered her type.

[Ali Siddiq]

They know I'm b.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, Jenny Ann, I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna let you go.

[Kim Congdon]

She's heard that before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Okay. I'm sorry. If he said it, it'd be funny.

[Brian Redban]

Did you have fun here tonight?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah, I did.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right, here's a little joke book. Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Good catch, Jenny Ann. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Shocking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shocking catch from Jenny Ann.

[Brian Redban]

All right, there she goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go on, Jenny Ann. Back to where you came from. Back to obscurity for Jenny. Oh my God. Wow. Holy shit. Look at that. A woman with. Cleansing the room of Jenny Ann's energies. A woman with a fully operational vagina.

[Ali Siddiq]

I'm going to drink all of this water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, back to the bucket we go. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise a minute from Jimmy Clifford, everybody.

[Brian Redban]

Jimmy Clifford, here we go.

[Jimmy Clifford]

So my little sister is a conspiracy theorist. And the other day she walked up to me and she goes, hey, did you hear about this Helen Keller bullshit? And I was like, what Was that Alexa Jones? And she goes, yeah, my teacher's trying to pedal us some fake news saying this bitch was born blind and deaf, but I'm supposed to believe she learned how to read and even gave speeches? I'm like, yeah, right. Biden was the president, and even he couldn't do both of those at the same time. I was like, katie, Helen Keller was born blind and deaf. She goes, then how'd she learn how to read? And I was like, well, she had this teacher named Annie Sullivan who used to teach her little symbols into her palm, and she learned to read that way. To which my sister said, palm reading is a scam used to steal money from white women. Okay, you got a point there. I'll give you that one. She goes, how'd she learn how to talk? And I went, fuck, yeah. I don't know. Does anyone in here know how she learned how to talk? I had to look it up on Google. Apparently this is true. Annie Sullivan used to take Helen's hands, put it on her face and in her mouth, and she would feel the vibrations when she spoke and mimic those vibrations. Imagine walking in on that shit. Just some poor little disabled girl finger banging your teacher's face over and over again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Jimmy Clifford, welcome with a super. A super topical bit about Helen Keller

[Brian Redban]

learning how to make noises. I'm pretty sure that bit was old at the time that this Mustang convertible that's for sale was made. That was insane.

[Ali Siddiq]

Ollie, he looked at me like I did the growl, man. I've been over here suffering, listening to

[Brian Redban]

you, and you going to look at

[Ali Siddiq]

me like I did something.

[Rob White]

You didn't help me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All you let me drown. Not my job. That was. That was actually the sound of Helen Keller trying to say, hello, Kim Con.

[Kim Congdon]

I feel like we all wish we were blind.

[Brian Redban]

And death during that, that was something else. Jimmy, how long you been doing stand up?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I'm standing up for like a decade.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A decade.

[Jimmy Clifford]

A decade.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you went with your Helen Keller?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I went with the Helen Keller joke. You know, it was apparently a poor decision.

[Kim Congdon]

Five years of that explaining to 15 year olds who nirvana was. So.

[Jimmy Clifford]

All right, that was about as good as the Helen Keller joke.

[Kim Congdon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Having a battle of the titans here. Jimmy Clifford versus Kim Congdon. Out of nowhere.

[Brian Redban]

So, Jimmy, what made you choose that material tonight?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I don't know. It felt mean. Felt like this was the. The right room for it.

[Brian Redban]

So people. Do they think that it's interesting?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know why there was a fucking clown up Two people ago. It's a sweet little room. I don't know why you'd be mean or dark or anything like that.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, how do you talk about Helen Keller but be the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you now? Kim's pissed. No, don't do this. Don't do the stand up thing. Stay seated. That's. We're not on Legion of Skanks right now where you have to like, make sure everybody knows you were just funny.

[Brian Redban]

Jimmy. Jimmy. What do you do for work?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I'm a video editor.

[Brian Redban]

A video. What kind of videos are you editing?

[Kim Congdon]

Child porn.

[Brian Redban]

Is it child porn, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Clifford]

It's not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

What are you editing?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I edit all sorts of things. I. I edit a lot of online content where I make fun of people on cameo.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Jimmy Clifford]

I mean, I feel like cameo is pretty topical for Kill Tony. Most of the regulars is how they make their day to day wage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Again, Dead silence after everything you say. It's almost amazing. Like, if we wanted to get room tone for audio, we. I would just have you do a joke so we could hear. Make sure that we have the ventilation and the light sound of lighting and everything edited out of the baseline sound. It never gets quieter than when you try to make some noise in this room, Jimmy.

[Brian Redban]

So where do you live? Austin.

[Jimmy Clifford]

I live in Austin.

[Brian Redban]

For how long?

[Jimmy Clifford]

About four or five years.

[Brian Redban]

And where were you at before that?

[Jimmy Clifford]

Jersey.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, you're from Jersey. What was that like, living in Jersey?

[Jimmy Clifford]

Yeah, I mean, it was pretty. Pretty good. I lived on the shore, so it was nice lot, you know.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Have you been to Jersey? There's not really much I could say about it.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. I guess not. 10 years in standup and a lifetime in Jersey. Not much to say in either one

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of the things, I guess.

[Brian Redban]

What do you think the most interesting thing about your entire life is, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Clifford]

The most interesting thing about my entire life is. I married an immigrant. You're white? Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I married an immigrant.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Where'd you meet the immigrant?

[Jimmy Clifford]

At Scotland.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You went to Scotland?

[Jimmy Clifford]

I went to Scotland.

[Brian Redban]

What made you go to Scotland?

[Jimmy Clifford]

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. So you, you went up right now? Yep. And then what happened? You were at a coffee shop or what?

[Jimmy Clifford]

No, I just started screaming at people on the street to come to my comedy shows because, you know, I had to do something clearly. Kill Tony wasn't moving the tickets for me, so. Yeah, I. I barked her into a show. She enjoyed it. And then she came back.

[Ali Siddiq]

Wow.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

So she came up to you and she goes, I want to see a Show?

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then after the show, what did

[Brian Redban]

you do with her? You guys go have drinks or something?

[Jimmy Clifford]

Yeah, grab drinks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Got a date going. It was fun, you know.

[Brian Redban]

Did you hook up that first night with her?

[Jimmy Clifford]

Gentleman never kisses and tells. Tony, that's my wife, for fuck's sake.

[Dimitri King]

Boo.

[Jimmy Clifford]

What, do you know her?

[Brian Redban]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're on a. You're on a show right now.

[Brian Redban]

You're on a show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jimmy, Here's a little joke book. Ollie, what do you think about all this?

[Ali Siddiq]

That's crazy as hell. That a lady who has been doing comedy for six months and a guy who's been doing it for a decade are in the same exact place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, a hundred percent. A lady who's been doing it six months. That is much more venture. Venture capitalist and mentally ill than a comedian. Just body. Jimmy Clifford, who's coming back from festivals just fresh and ready. All right, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Clifford]

I'll be honest. I'm a little. I'm a little out of practice. I just had a baby about two months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you.

[Brian Redban]

That would have been an interesting thing

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to say five minutes ago.

[Jimmy Clifford]

It's the most interesting thing in my entire life, Tony. I would say, you know, it's awesome.

[Ali Siddiq]

Well, I have.

[Jimmy Clifford]

You have, like, five kids. You can't say the one was the most interesting.

[Ali Siddiq]

No, no, no, no, no. I have nine. Do not deduct my children. Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

there he goes. Jimmy Clifford, everyone. We're gonna keep it moving. We're having fun here tonight. Interesting bucket pools so far.

[Brian Redban]

Very interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It doesn't matter if you've been doing it 10 years or six months. The pressure can get to you. Ladies and gentlemen, one minute uninterrupted. Next one is Liv Taylor. Liv Taylor.

[Liv Taylor]

So I recently turned 31, and as a woman, I realized that now I'm in my 30s. There's a point in your life that you realize you're no longer in your 20s. Like that decade of your life is over. That defining point. There's a defining point for me, I thought that's just when you turn 30. Apparently. That was when I realized I went from having headlight tits to a headlight and a fog light. Bitch, where are you going? Like, I don't even have kids to blame this on. And I'm half Puerto Rican, which is nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. I am half. And I don't speak Spanish. I think I'm more of what you'd call, like, sorta Rican instead. And I get that side from my dad. Kinda hard to talk about him. Not Cause he's dead or anything, but because he's just such a fucking narcissist. He's Puerto Rican. It makes sense, but my dad's like that kind of narcissist that's. He went to a military high school. He's convinced that he's a veteran. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Liv Taylor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, decent, and somehow the best bucket pull of the night so far. Barely decent yet the number one ranked bucket pull of the night.

[Liv Taylor]

I'll take it, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah, I bet you would. You're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're half Puerto Rican.

[Brian Redban]

Is that why you think one of your tits is garbage?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Still got it. Still got it. Leaning into the wind. All right.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. Liv Taylor. How long you been on standup?

[Liv Taylor]

Almost two. Two years in November.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. How do you make money?

[Liv Taylor]

I'm a vet tech.

[Brian Redban]

Vet tech?

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. I actually have. I've been working for about two months. I. The last time I was on, I didn't have a job. I found a job not long after that.

[Brian Redban]

So that's what happens. Tony Bump.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of people think people just make money off cameo here for some reason.

[Brian Redban]

Steven, as a vet tech.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're around animals?

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, I actually work in specialty, so I work in anesthesia and surgery.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What is. What is some of the worst animals to deal with that you've learned about so far? What are the ones when you're like, oh, no, there's a fucking Chihuahuas. Really?

[Liv Taylor]

Land sharks? Yeah. They're pretty terrible.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Liv Taylor]

Not all of them. I'll give some credit. There are some nice ones, but for the most part, they suck.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I agree completely. That's why we're trying to deport a lot of them right now.

[Liv Taylor]

Back to Chihuahua.

[Brian Redban]

Huh?

[Liv Taylor]

Back to Chihuahua. There's a Chihuahua in Mexico?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. Yes. Got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You said it like it was one word.

[Brian Redban]

I was trying to. Back to Chihuahua. All right, there you go.

[Kim Congdon]

I thought she put a spell on you.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that was weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was weird. One of my tits feels weird all of a sudden. All right, Liv, what do you do for fun?

[Liv Taylor]

I am very homebody, so I like, hang out at home with my dogs, but I like to hang out with friends. I've pretty much bar hopped since I've been here in Austin and really just trying to kind of start a new life.

[Brian Redban]

Religious about it.

[Liv Taylor]

Last time, no to God, No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not religious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah. No movies. I mean, like, just really hang out. I'm very boring, I would say. I've. I've really delved into comedy. That's why I moved to Austin.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what are some of the wildest things that you've seen out there in the comedy scene? This whole show, it's always comedians. We never really get to delve into the gritty, what it's like at the Austin open mics and whatnot. What have you seen? What can you tell us about it?

[Liv Taylor]

So pretty. I mean, it's pretty dirty out here.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Describe that for people.

[Liv Taylor]

There's. I mean, there's piss literally everywhere. I mean, you can be friends with the homeless or you can be their worst enemy. I choose the latter. It's, I think, better that way. I like to keep my distance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, how about at the open mics?

[Brian Redban]

Once you get there, you're talking more

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

about the walk to the open mics.

[Liv Taylor]

It's literally what you think it is. It's just like. Like hundreds of us just sitting around waiting for our names to be called. Some people getting sloshed out, you know, shit faced. I just kind of hang out with my, you know, little group of friends that I have.

[Brian Redban]

You don't get shit faced?

[Liv Taylor]

No, I drink here and there, but I don't get shit faced exactly. At least on these nights.

[Brian Redban]

Why get shit faced when you already have a shit body?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're right, Liv. Oh, come on. Shut up. What kind of show do you think you showed up to?

[Liv Taylor]

40 pound shed from last year, so I think I'm actually pretty okay.

[Brian Redban]

That's great. That's great.

[Liv Taylor]

Grief's one hell of a diet.

[Brian Redban]

Say that again.

[Liv Taylor]

Said grief's one hell of a diet.

[Brian Redban]

What happened? What did you lose?

[Liv Taylor]

I'm a widow. I lost my husband last year. Oh, we talked about it last time. It's cool.

[Brian Redban]

Remind me what was. What happened?

[Liv Taylor]

He flipped his truck.

[Brian Redban]

Ah, that's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. Always fun. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

There he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have amazing technology here at Rogan's Comedy Club. Thank you to Spotify for. For the amazing technology. We're able to tap into the audio in heaven. It is quite incredible. We do. We're getting word that your former husband

[Brian Redban]

is trying to tell us something right now. Hold on here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay.

[Brian Redban]

What's his name?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Joe.

[Brian Redban]

Joe.

[Liv Taylor]

Joe.

[Brian Redban]

Joe is joining us from heaven, Joe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a brand new segment on this show. We're testing out this new technology. That sound board's terrible. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Wait, was that Antonio Brown I just heard? Is he dead?

[Brian Redban]

Antonio, what you say? I'll pass on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. All right.

[Brian Redban]

So, Liv, if you have, like a short term goal for your comedy, what would it be?

[Liv Taylor]

I mean, I'd like to be at least featuring in the next, you know, like two years. I know I'm not ready for something like that now. I'm definitely still working and building.

[Brian Redban]

That's a good goal.

[Liv Taylor]

So, yeah, I'd say, like, two years, good goal. I tell you a fun fact. So I actually have a picture of you with, like. I went to a show of yours. It was like the year before, before my mom died.

[Brian Redban]

And what year was that?

[Liv Taylor]

2023.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Liv Taylor]

I actually have a picture with you and him together. And you guys have this, like, very uncanny look.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah, it's very odd.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Liv Taylor]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing.

[Kim Congdon]

Going like this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Well, if you had a husband that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

looked like me and he was stuck

[Brian Redban]

with you, I could see why he

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wanted to flip that truck. Come on, we're getting here. She's smiling. She's living her dream.

[Brian Redban]

She's on the biggest show in our industry.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, you gotta be nice. She was there. Part of the truck is still on her face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You're getting. This is a very rosy panel live. But I liked your set. So much so that you're leaving with a big joke book today, Liv, just based on the fact that you're the best bucket pull so far. There you go, Lib Taylor. We're having fun.

[Brian Redban]

We're having fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of oohs and ahs from this crowd. Very sensitive crowd. The liberal girl whispering into her boyfriend's ear over there.

[Brian Redban]

I know. I just think he's mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Benny G. Benny G. Here he is.

[Benny G]

So I married the wish.com version of my high school crush. The original was named Heidi. Big, busty, like this. The knockoff? More like this. Arthritis in both hands. But when we finally got divorced, she took me for pretty much everything. I was so ticked off that I called my sister directly after and said I hoped Obama at the time went the same route as the funny mustache man and just eradicated all redheads. And, yeah, I was pretty ticked off. And she happens to have a son who's redhead. And she said, well, what are we going to do with Elijah? I said, we're going to throw him in the attic like Anne Frank. But unfortunately, that prayer did come true and they ended up going after red hats. So I've got to apologize to Gino Carano. Totally my bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. I love the first, like, 30 seconds of that.

[Brian Redban]

That was good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then I have no idea really

[Brian Redban]

what the you were talking about.

[Kim Congdon]

After that, I felt like I kind of got edged with genius.

[Brian Redban]

I thought it was gonna the arthritis hand opener had me. I was very interested. And then something, something redhead, red hat. Okay. Hell yeah, Ollie.

[Ali Siddiq]

He's very nervous.

[Brian Redban]

You are.

[Ali Siddiq]

He's shake. He's shaking so hard. I'm over here trembling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the is going on?

[Kim Congdon]

The clown just took his makeup off.

[Brian Redban]

It's just regular old Winston Pickles up here. Benny G, how long you been doing stand up?

[Benny G]

This is my very first try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, okay, that makes sense.

[Brian Redban]

No wonder you're shaken. Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Benny G]

I am 42.

[Brian Redban]

42. What made you want to start today?

[Benny G]

I've been actually trying to sign up since October of last year. And what got me down here was the Holy Spirit. I found Christ a little over a year ago and he put it on my heart to come be a comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely incredible. So when Christ found you and told you to come to Kill Tony on

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a Monday night, what exactly did he say and where were you and when did this happen and what did you eat that day?

[Benny G]

It was a long journey. So I was an atheist know for 40 years of my life. And in January of 2024, I called out to a God I didn't believe in and I actually heard back from him.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so what, what's the number to God exactly? Can you give, when you say you called out to God, what exactly happened? Can you describe this for us?

[Benny G]

I just got ripped off by my in laws at the time.

[Brian Redban]

And how, for how much, how much did they rip you off for? Give me a number.

[Benny G]

I not a specific number. I was supposed to be getting 75% of all the calls I was doing, but they ended up giving me 40%. And yeah, I was taken aback by it and asked my wife to try to rectify the situation because they were her parents and she told me I needed to sell my belongings, sell myself like plasma and stuff like that to make ends meet. And in that moment, I called out to God.

[Ali Siddiq]

You talking about a real sympathy story here?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

This is incredible. Did God tell you to leave that bitch? Was that first thing he said?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Benny G, it is me. I have come to answer your call. You deserve the 70% you have to leave this family and sign up for Kill Tony on Monday nights in Austin, Texas. Your story deserves to be heard.

[Benny G]

We actually did end up getting divorced, so absolutely. I, I had a feeling I was on the Spectrum. So I went and got tested and turns out I have Asperger's.

[Kim Congdon]

What a waste of a test.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It turns out in a stunning turn of events, you have Asperger's. Congratulations on being the last person to find out. They tested them in the parking lot, like a COVID test. They're like, yep, he just rolled down his window like, yep, you got it.

[Kim Congdon]

They saw his thumb in his pocket and they're like, y.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead. The old warm thumb. One of the first giveaways of ass burgers.

[Brian Redban]

All right, what's some of the most asbergery things that you do?

[Benny G]

I have really bad social anxiety. I, you know, I'm just not good with people.

[Brian Redban]

Well, look at you, facing fears head on. Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Benny G. What. What else you been doing with your life for fun?

[Just Greg]

Not a whole lot.

[Benny G]

Just going to church and volunteering where I can.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so tell us about some of the volunteering that you've done. Have you.

[Benny G]

I went now did a week with Samaritan's purse out in, what is that, western North Carolina or whatever, where the hurricanes hit.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what did you do there?

[Benny G]

We were just clearing a bunch of different trees and stuff that had fallen in people's homes.

[Brian Redban]

Nice. Very cool. Incredible. Do you ever get. You ever get. You ever get. You ever talk to the devil? I mean, if God talks to you,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you might as well. They say lightning doesn't strike twice, but I mean, has the devil ever reached

[Brian Redban]

out to you since you have a direct. Oh, we have someone. It appears as though there's someone calling in. What do we got here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on a second here. I did get a. Hello, Benny G. To be the devil. I know I sound a lot like

[Benny G]

God, but you asked if I talked to the devil. My ex wife did call on Sunday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boom. This ex wife is getting a lit up. Hell yeah. You're nailing 70% of these jokes. I love it. Benny G, do you have any kids?

[Benny G]

I do, I have three kids.

[Brian Redban]

Three kids. I love it. And you get. Are they Grown up or 17?

[Benny G]

Almost 15 and almost 14.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they have the devil inside them?

[Brian Redban]

Like especially this 17 year old?

[Benny G]

No, he's actually on the spread panel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is wrong with you? Do you have like your own quota for you have to say, like, oh, it's been 10 minutes. Is your 17 year old corrupted?

[Brian Redban]

What's the craziest thing about your three kids?

[Just Greg]

Not a whole lot. They're probably.

[Benny G]

I mean, besides being on the spectrum, they're pretty normal.

[Brian Redban]

They're all on the spectrum.

[Benny G]

All but my youngest.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think you did different with the youngest?

[Brian Redban]

How do you think the youngest avoided the spectrum? Did you do something different?

[Benny G]

Perhaps hold out not be mine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Ali Siddiq]

Oh, my God, I am so saddened by this. It's a lot going on here, man. I love it.

[Brian Redban]

So what makes you think that that kid might not be yours? Other than the spectrum thing? Does it look different?

[Benny G]

Yeah, she definitely does look different.

[Ali Siddiq]

She's black.

[Benny G]

She does have an afro, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what was that?

[Benny G]

I said she does have an afro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said, are you serious?

[Benny G]

Oh, she's got massive curls.

[Brian Redban]

Have you ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That might be the best timed use of that sound effect in the history of the show, which I've been hoping would evolve over the past 12 years. But a fun fact is that is one of the oldest sound effects in the kill Tony playbook. 12 and a half years.

[Brian Redban]

Have you ever asked your ex wife to tell you the truth about your youngest child?

[Benny G]

I have, but she's never said anything, so. And by the time, you know, we actually thought that she might not be mine, it was too late. She's already mine in my heart, you know what I mean? So I'm not going to try to take that away from her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ Almighty.

[Kim Congdon]

Is there anyone you think it could be?

[Benny G]

I don't know. In the 10 years I was with my first wife, she. I caught her cheating on me three times in the 10 years we were together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

How many of these times was when she went to go see Ali Sadiq live? Let's talk about you. And I know this is, you know, obviously personal, but you've seen the show and let me tell you, you are

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

crushing this interview right now. Everyone wants to look cool and I don't really have any hobbies. I'm a homebody. I go to my. I go have.

[Ali Siddiq]

Go to bars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun? These idiots.

[Brian Redban]

And meanwhile there's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you just unable to tell a lie.

[Brian Redban]

Just over here, King Bean spiller, first

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of his name, Admiral of the Aspergers, the protector of thumbs, Benny G. Has arrived.

[Brian Redban]

So let's go through this cheating thing, which I find so interesting. And all the listeners guaranteed right now are enjoying this part of the show because they hear about these things. Maybe it's affected the. Some of them, people get suspicious. Tell us, when you caught her cheating, how did you catch her? Like what, what's. What are some of the scenarios that you walked in on or found out about?

[Benny G]

Are we talking about the first wife or the third wife?

[Brian Redban]

Wow, this is incredible.

[Kim Congdon]

He gets hotter every time he says it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, De's going to one of them right now.

[Benny G]

He must have found her back pages.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

One of them has an afro and is completely blind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Plays a hell of a bass, though. Hell of a bass guitar.

[Brian Redban]

She's four.

[Kim Congdon]

I honestly feel like this is how Creed started.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so, Benny G, let's go to any wife. Just tell us about a time that you've caught a wife cheating on you.

[Benny G]

So we just got done moving and she was supposed to be working night shift at Amazon. I couldn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, she was working night shift at an Amazon. All right. Old Anaconda. All right.

[Benny G]

I. I couldn't find the mop. I was trying to clean up the house because we just got done unpacking stuff like that. I wanted her to come home at six o' clock in the morning or whenever her shift ended, to a nice clean house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God, Benny G. Holy. This is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

You wanted her to come home to a nice clean house, so you stayed up all night. You sweet, sweet boy.

[Benny G]

Well, I drove over to our old place because we left the broom and mop there to try to clean it

[Brian Redban]

up before you even had to go back. Another trip to the mission that you wanted.

[Benny G]

I walked in, she was walking out with another man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. The old Bruman dustpan.

[Benny G]

And then later come to find out she was actually hooking.

[Brian Redban]

So she was making money. She was getting paid to do this.

[Kim Congdon]

Prime delivery.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on.

[Brian Redban]

That was a good one, Ollie. What were you going to say there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we're waving it off. Got a tie there. We tied.

[Brian Redban]

So Benny G was. How did you find out? She just admitted to you that she was hooking up.

[Benny G]

It was actually one of my co workers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said she walked out of your old house?

[Benny G]

No, he'd been on Reddit and he's like, your wife recently got braces, didn't she? I'm like, yeah, how do you know? You haven't seen her in like two years since the last Christmas party or whatever. And he's like, well, you might want to look up this name on Reddit. And sure enough, I did. And there was all her back page ads from the time we started dating.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God, what's her name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are disgusting. Red band, I can't believe you would

[Brian Redban]

say this is a real emotional part of the show. And there you are asking, what is her name? Just out of curiosity. All right, so this is incredible. Now, did she ever give you a reason why she got into this. Did she need the money that bad?

[Benny G]

After we, you know, I forgave her and we tried to stay together after that, but.

[Brian Redban]

You forgave her for being an all out hooker?

[Benny G]

Indeed I did.

[Ali Siddiq]

She found out he had one ball.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, you have.

[Benny G]

No, I have both of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that.

[Benny G]

I mean, they're not attached anymore.

[Ali Siddiq]

See? They're not attached anymore. See, I knew I was right.

[Benny G]

Vasectomy.

[Ali Siddiq]

So.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, tubes tied. You said enough is enough. Did you get your tubes tied by any chance before your last kid came out?

[Dave the Butcher]

No. No.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Benny G]

Last kid was 2011. I got my vasectomy in 2017.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. What made you get it in 2017? Were you nutting inside of a ton of women?

[Benny G]

No, my second wife said that would improve our sex life if I went and got a vasectomy.

[Uncle Laser]

Me.

[Brian Redban]

Cuz she wanted you to come inside of her?

[Benny G]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. When you say pretty much, was there something more that could have possibly.

[Benny G]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just a yes.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so she wanted you to come inside of her, but she did not want any little Asberger baby yets running around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She didn't want any of that, Right?

[Benny G]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because she had met your other kids

[Brian Redban]

and she's like, oh, hell no.

[Benny G]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Dave the Butcher]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

It's been a long interview, Benny, but I feel like I could go on

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and on with you.

[Ali Siddiq]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Is there any other time that any other good of the cheating reveals? I think that's what people really love.

[Benny G]

No, my. My mother and my sister stole $3.4 million from a major oil and gas company though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Oh my God. It's like all the bucket pools, energy and answers went to one chosen man. I think God really is in his earpiece. This guy is so interesting. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Did they get in trouble for that?

[Benny G]

Oh yeah, my sister did. I want to say five years in prison.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Those oil and gas companies tend to be able to afford lawyers and private investigators. How did they think they were going to get away with it?

[Benny G]

I mean, they got away with it for like 10 years or something.

[Dave the Butcher]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Worth it.

[Brian Redban]

And they tracked him. It's enough time to spend the money, that's for sure.

[Benny G]

I mean, you can google it. To this day it's a national story in Denver.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And you were close. You're close with. You were close with them? Yeah. What did they spend that money on? Do you remember anything specific where you're like, that's kind of weird.

[Benny G]

I mean, hookers and blow. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Even your Own mother was your wife at one point. Incredible. Benny, I love your style. You're so loose up here, you're smiling. And 15 minutes ago, you were shaking. An unbelievable job, unbelievable interview. Thank you so much for coming by. Benny G, everybody. Let's fucking go. A compelling story. His biggest fear, social anxiety. And he just crushed it during the

[Brian Redban]

interview part for 15 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's see if this person can follow that. Your next Bucket poll goes by the name of Ty Marion, everybody.

[Brian Redban]

Ty Marion. Oh, we know Ty.

[Ty Marion]

All right. This is my fourth time now on the show. It has not made me famous, but it's cool because I still look famous. Like, I know I look like a racially ambiguous Ross from Friends. Not too long ago, a dude came up to me in the street and said, hey, you kind of look like a special needs David Blaine. And then he goes, but I bet you're not allowed to do magic within 100 yards of a school. That's kind of fucked up. Cause, like, I won't even listen to Drake. But about a week ago, a girl rejected me because she said that I look like a wax statue of Happy Gilmore that was left in the sun too long. I was like, oh, you got a Sandler fan? Well, I bet if you come over, I'll make you call me Big Daddy. And she goes, I bet if I go over, I'm gonna find out you have a little Nicky. And I don't. It's more like an uncut gem. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I mean, that is true.

[Brian Redban]

You do look like all of those things. You are indeed the platform that God has given you. A face like that has led you right here in this moment with great jokes about what the fuck you look like.

[Dave the Butcher]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

It is incredible. A lot of people with a face like that would be sad and have nothing to do with it in their respective industry. Meanwhile, it's like you have a prop with you at all times.

[Ty Marion]

I love it. I'm signing autographs left and right. None of them are for me, but it's fucking fun as shit. You know what I mean?

[Kim Congdon]

Sadler?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

There's quite a look. Are your ears up or is that just the hat?

[Ty Marion]

The hat, maybe. But yeah, I do have big ears. I don't know, I lost, like, not like 55 pounds lately. And whatever has happened, it's just gone all to my ears. Like, I hear everything too. So thank you, whoever that was.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Incredible.

[Ty Marion]

Thank you.

[Ali Siddiq]

No, that one ear is definitely fucked up.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, that ear. That ear's a little fucked up. Right, right. Now it's like a little chunky ear.

[Ty Marion]

Is it your.

[Brian Redban]

Your lobes are. You have gigantic earlobes.

[Ali Siddiq]

God, it's totally two different ears.

[Ty Marion]

That's a new one.

[Ali Siddiq]

You're definitely melted on this side. It's definitely two different.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it is an interesting look. Does your whole family look like this?

[Ty Marion]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Just you pretty much. How do you think this happened?

[Ty Marion]

Don't really know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever.

[Brian Redban]

Have you ever slept before? Have you ever. Do you. Do you eat and drink the same thing every day? Like, what is it? Well, let us know what to avoid exactly.

[Ty Marion]

Kind of like, I don't think it's really, like, food related. Like, I kind of do look a little different from my family. So Recently I did a 23andMe, and I found out that I'm 100% unable to handle that many guys at once.

[Brian Redban]

I couldn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I couldn't hear what you said. D Madness just sat down and he

[Brian Redban]

murmured the words, this motherfucker ugly as shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all I just heard. Even D knows, which is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

Born black. But meanwhile, he walks in from using the restroom and can just tell. Can just tell. Ty, anything crazy happen in your life since the last time you were on the show?

[Ty Marion]

I got hit by a car riding a lime scooter.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Did it hit you in the face by any chance?

[Ty Marion]

No, it would have helped me out, I think.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Ty Marion]

No, just one of these great Austin drivers we have here in Texas just not paying attention and went through a red light as I was coming through an intersection and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

They ran a red light and hit you on a lime scooter? Yes, they were going normal, like 35, 40.

[Ty Marion]

She was about to make a right turn.

[Brian Redban]

So when you say she, what ethnicity was this woman?

[Ty Marion]

She was Hispanic. Ah, surprising.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yeah, another L for the Hispanics. Okay. And what did she stop?

[Ty Marion]

Yeah, she could. She was on top of the scooter. She didn't have really a choice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You fly over the hood.

[Brian Redban]

Well, like, wait, so the car was on top of the skin?

[Ty Marion]

Yeah, got it. So, like, not to harp on the last two stuff, but I'm kind of autistic as well. Like,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we just had shaky mcwhat the up here a second ago, so it's not really registering.

[Ty Marion]

My story is a little. I didn't get diagnosed until, like, really late in life, so I've had to, like, battle it and try to be normal and act like a normal person. So it's just a facade.

[Brian Redban]

What did they tell you? That you have a face that looks like an Asperger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Somebody order number 33 Asperger?

[Kim Congdon]

I think they said your face has draw tism. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys see them both?

[Kim Congdon]

It's very saggy.

[Liv Taylor]

Thank you, sir.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm gonna kill myself later.

[Liv Taylor]

You want to come over?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kim has one joke that doesn't work. She goes on a six minute ran you.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you.

[Kim Congdon]

Die right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

Well, Ty, fun times, you were on the show again. You've been on numerous times before. Anything else crazy we should know about you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did it end, the thing?

[Brian Redban]

Did she give you money?

[Ty Marion]

Yeah, well, we're kind of settling that now. Oddly enough, the cop that arrived was the same cop that was here on the last story that I told on the show. Not to rehash anything, but it was the same guy. So he was like, hey, you want all this information, you need to go ahead and do this. I was like, I think I'm fine. He was like, you're not fine. So we'll see what happens.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, well, I hope the settlement happens before this episode comes out.

[Ty Marion]

Oh, you'll notice the limp now when I leave.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

Time. Marion, what do you have? You've had a big joke book before. Okay, well, then there you go. Time, Aaron, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, very exciting. We're gonna bring up one of the rising comedian stars from Canada that's been on this show numerous times before. Here with a new minute. Make some noise for Ben Bankus, everybody. It's Ben Bankus.

[Ben Bankus]

What's going on? I. I got two kids. I just had my second kid. And yeah, my wife, she tells people. Yeah, we had a second kid, you know, for our daughter, so she'd have a friend, like, yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Just fucking my wife. Like, oh, it's for my daughter. She needs a friend real bad. But I got a son. Now every. Every guy wants to have a son, right? Because it's manly and, you know, you've seen those gender reveals where the guy already has two daughters and then it comes out pink and he's like, fuck. Can't fucking handle this shit. So I have a son. But everybody thinks it's manly to have a son. You know, it's your boy. But like, my daughter, she's three. Not once in three years did I worry she was gay. My son's 3 months old. I'm fucking worried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ben Bankus. Remember the name.

[Brian Redban]

Fantastic Ben. Unbelievable side of the night so far. No doubt about it. How long you been on stand up again?

[Ben Bankus]

Going on 15.

[Brian Redban]

15 years. A real pro does spots here at the mothership. Long story short, we were getting wasted at the bar last week and I said, I'll give you a minute. Are there any signs that. Yeah, that's the big behind the scenes of Kill Tony. If I get drunk enough right next, I'll go, you know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want to see what you do.

[Kim Congdon]

You guys are watching the sausage get spots.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, the sausage gets spots. Is there anything gay about the three month old that makes you think it might be gay? Or is it just a funny joke?

[Ben Bankus]

Yeah, I mean, or is it like

[Brian Redban]

sucking its thumb like back and forth like that or whatever?

[Ben Bankus]

Yeah, well, like he breastfeeds it.

[Kim Congdon]

Shits and moans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Brian Redban]

All right, maybe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Kim. All right, there you go.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. If you guys could just laugh at everything she says so she doesn't have to make a big deal out of it every time, that'd be great.

[Ben Bankus]

My kid, like, he breastfeeds, but like, he was breastfeeding. Then he coughed weird, like he didn't like it. Like he was breastfeeding. And then he was like. And I looked at my wife, I was like, what the hell was that? She's like, there was a lot of milk coming out. It was probably hitting the back of his throat. I'm like, jesus Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Ty Marion]

I like him, Ollie.

[Ali Siddiq]

I like him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah, he's good.

[Ben Bankus]

Sometimes it's my fault because I'll like feed him with the bottle like this and then like, you just like, like rest it under my chin. And then I'll just like, like go on my phone and then I'll look down and like the bottles shifted and it's like, oh, yeah. I'm like, now I'm making them gay.

[Ali Siddiq]

This is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Ben Bankus]

This is a lot easier than I thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is. Yeah, you're contributing.

[Brian Redban]

So that's amazing, Ben.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how old's the daughter?

[Ben Bankus]

She's three.

[Brian Redban]

Three. Okay. And you're still with the baby mama? Oh, yeah, she's up in Canada.

[Dimitri King]

No, she's here.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What does she do?

[Ben Bankus]

She's a stay at home mom.

[Brian Redban]

That's right.

[Ben Bankus]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, nice.

[Ben Bankus]

Also, can we play the money thing?

[Brian Redban]

See, you're. You're just doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stand up comedy.

[Brian Redban]

Making enough money, stand up comedy.

[Ben Bankus]

Touring the whole country. Just did Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Chicago, Rosemont, Illinois. All sold out.

[Brian Redban]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ben Bankus.com Ben Bankus.com Baby B A N K A S Check them out on tour.

[Brian Redban]

Unbelievable set.

[Ben Bankus]

Thank you, bro.

[Brian Redban]

Great stuff, Ben.

[Ben Bankus]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Make some noise for Ben Bankus, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Smooth And Easy Ollie Siddiq.

[Ali Siddiq]

Before. Before you leave, I want y' all to notice something. His shoes are nice. The last two guys shoes were fucking terrible. That's how you know he a pro.

[Brian Redban]

That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're absolutely right.

[Ali Siddiq]

Did you see them pumas on the last guy?

[Ben Bankus]

I actually just started wearing forces and now, you know, I really feel for. Feel for black dudes. With the creasing of the like. I had to ask my black friend how to not crease them and he's like, you gotta ball your feet up. I was like, oh, that's. That's why you guys walk like that.

[Ali Siddiq]

Well, well, we. Well, we actually stopped wearing those 10 years ago.

[Ben Bankus]

Well, good thing you stopped before BLM because there's a lot of taking a knee that would have ruined a lot of forces, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ben Bankus, ladies and gentlemen. Boom. Yeah. Back to the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen. And here is a new name. Make some noise, a new minute, new name. It's Dave the Butcher, everybody. Dave the Butcher has arrived.

[Dave the Butcher]

God damn it. Spider's hair. Well, my. Despite his can't see. Well, where are my black folks at? Smile. Oh, there might be one over there. Oh, I get it, Tony. Keep them on stage where you keep an eye on them, you know, I

[Brian Redban]

mean,

[Dave the Butcher]

Keep them on stable. You can keep an eye on them. Bless you. You know, because it's messed up, but theft in the workplace, it's a. Where we at. I got a little bit of a racist joke here. Just trying to break the ice. I ain't a little nervous here. It's my first time, so. Knock knock,

[Ali Siddiq]

Knock knock. Damn.

[Dave the Butcher]

Thanks a lot, buddy.

[Just Greg]

Listen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Knock knock, knock.

[Dave the Butcher]

Who's there?

[Ali Siddiq]

Damn.

[Dave the Butcher]

I up again. Never mind.

[Ali Siddiq]

All right.

[Dave the Butcher]

Did you see? Did you see?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dave. What the are you doing here, man? What would make you do this? Why would you sign up for this?

[Dave the Butcher]

I'm sorry, man. It's. It's bright as. I can't see.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, well, how would seeing anything?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D. Madness crushes back here. He literally can't see. Kills every single week. Biggest pop from the moment he walks out.

[Brian Redban]

Plays like a. Like the devil himself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He doesn't go up.

[Uncle Laser]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Off today. Can't see shit. Crushes. Meanwhile, you can see a lot.

[Brian Redban]

Yes. The lights are brighter than they are

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in the alleyways where you're used to performing. Have you ever attempted stand up comedy before?

[Dave the Butcher]

A couple times. I'm six months deep.

[Brian Redban]

Six months deep. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Kim Congdon]

Dave.

[Brian Redban]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have a joke in six months?

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a couple jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they all end in knock knock? That's how the joke's supposed to start.

[Dave the Butcher]

It was supposed to be knock knock.

[Dimitri King]

Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Knock knock.

[Brian Redban]

You all right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You. Unbelievable, Dave.

[Rob White]

Apologies, apologies.

[Dave the Butcher]

I up.

[Brian Redban]

You did up, Dave. You did.

[Kim Congdon]

I got one for you. Knock knock.

[Ali Siddiq]

No.

[Kim Congdon]

Knock knock.

[Dave the Butcher]

Who's there?

[Kim Congdon]

Ice.

[Dave the Butcher]

I was gonna say Homeland Security, but that was it.

[Brian Redban]

Ali Sadiq, what do you think about Ms. 13?

[Ali Siddiq]

Terrible ass. You're a terrible.

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah, I was hard.

[Ali Siddiq]

You should take that mic and hang yourself.

[Dave the Butcher]

Fair enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You go by the name Dave the Butcher?

[Brian Redban]

Is that what you do? Are you a butcher?

[Dave the Butcher]

I'm a chef.

[Brian Redban]

You're a chef?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're not even a butcher? You're not a butcher.

[Kim Congdon]

You're not butchers? His jokes, but yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, where are you a chef at exactly?

[Dave the Butcher]

Houston.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, where at in Houston?

[Dave the Butcher]

This little place called Philly Flats.

[Brian Redban]

Philly Flats. What do you make there? What do you specialize?

[Dave the Butcher]

All kinds of stuff. Italian food, Spanish food, whatever.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Dave the Butcher]

Sandwiches.

[Brian Redban]

Are you good at that?

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah, I'm the.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, you know what I think you should do? I think you should go back there.

[Dave the Butcher]

All right, fair enough, fair enough. I up.

[Ali Siddiq]

Okay. Houston.

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah.

[Ali Siddiq]

Making me look bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. This thing.

[Dave the Butcher]

Check out the Kickstarter. They're clean.

[Ali Siddiq]

Shit's terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have lampshades on your tires like on your car.

[Brian Redban]

Okie dokie.

[Dave the Butcher]

Negative. Yeah, I thought I was bad.

[Brian Redban]

That was bad.

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are the worst thing to happen

[Brian Redban]

to Houston since Katrina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn. It is incredible.

[Dave the Butcher]

Fair enough, fair enough.

[Brian Redban]

You're terrible. Try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Work hard.

[Dimitri King]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to do something next time.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. No joke book, no nothing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Dave the Butcher. Absolutely nothing. Absolutely horrendous.

[Brian Redban]

Terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys having fun out there? How many you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Wow. Evil. Wow. The lights even went off. Even Keno the lighting guy likes it when people do bad. Makes noise for your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, anything can happen. This is Rob White. Rob White.

[Rob White]

Kill. Tony, how's it going? Oh, my God. I did not think I was getting on the show tonight, otherwise I would not have dressed like a dago on vacation in the 60s. This is a terrible outfit for comedy guys. I. I'm. Honestly, it's a. It's weird. Like I don't. I don't actually do comedy. You know, I have a full time job. I'm a tattoo artist by day. Standup. Com at night, which is Fun. Because basically I have two jobs that no one thinks is real. And. Yeah. So, like, it was a weird thing, like, growing up. Like, my dad's a tattoo artist and he saw me and he was, like, seeing how I was acting like a tard, and he's like, I need to solve this shit. I need to toughen up my son. So he sent me off to work to learn how to tattoo with his guy, Crazy Joe. At the age of 13 and 13 years old, I didn't need to be working with this guy. He was a fucking killer, Okay? I mean, like, he wasn't killing it with the ladies or doing killer tattoos. I mean, he actually murdered a guy. He stabbed him to death. We could end there. That wasn't going very well. Let's be honest.

[Brian Redban]

Check, check, check, check, check.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it.

[Uncle Laser]

Ah.

[Brian Redban]

The joke ends with your dad stabbing a guy to death.

[Just Greg]

No.

[Dimitri King]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the is going on tonight?

[Brian Redban]

Is anybody trying to make it anymore on this show?

[Dimitri King]

It's a.

[Rob White]

It's a long, complicated. I should have chose better on my one minute, Tony.

[Dimitri King]

I should have chose better. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Ali Siddiq]

I am so dizzy watching him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know. It's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

It is wild. Sorry, Rob White. It's okay, buddy. Okay, so how long you've been doing stand up?

[Rob White]

I've been doing it on and off now for five years.

[Brian Redban]

Five years. Okay. And do you have a joke? Joke.

[Rob White]

Five years, five years ago, jokes.

[Just Greg]

Sure.

[Rob White]

Let me just do a best joke. Five years joke.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Rob White]

Here's what I was working on, guys. What's funnier, the Holocaust or slavery? It's. It's a trick question because we all know the Holocaust never happened.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Rob White]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you gonna do?

[Brian Redban]

Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your second best joke in five years?

[Brian Redban]

You have another one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another go to.

[Rob White]

I'm failing miserably. The setup punch is not an easy thing for me to do. I tell. To tell longer winded stories. That one minute does not help you. And I didn't think this was going to happen today. This was like, literally flew in today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's.

[Brian Redban]

That's how it go. That's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what happens on a show where

[Brian Redban]

you sign up and your name goes in a bucket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People don't know.

[Brian Redban]

And then now you know.

[Dimitri King]

This is what you do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Just Greg]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

If you could have done something differently, you said you flew in today. What would you have done differently? There's a lot of people that are thinking about signing up.

[Rob White]

Fly in the day before. Maybe you should soak up the energy and get yourself Prepared so you don't come up here and just wing it.

[Brian Redban]

Last night when you say prepare yourself. Do you think the five years of attempting standup comedy could have applied at all?

[Rob White]

The look this, the one minute is a hard thing to introduce yourself and tell any story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The format of the show.

[Rob White]

Sorry, I didn't have any waka waka.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy sadiq.

[Ali Siddiq]

No excuses.

[Uncle Laser]

All right, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And there is no waka waka.

[Brian Redban]

Now you're trying to insult the entire

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

art form of standup comedy. But everybody who's funny gets laughs in a minute. Even if they're doing a one hour long special. There's laughs in the first minute. Yeah, yeah.

[Just Greg]

Well said.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's not.

[Rob White]

Don't blame the audience. That's shitty of you. Yeah, I get it. I get it.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. All right, let's talk about your embarrassing life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you got for us?

[Brian Redban]

Anything fucking horrible.

[Rob White]

I have horrible stories.

[Brian Redban]

Let's go.

[Rob White]

I started tattooing at an early age. My dad had me tattooing in the shop.

[Brian Redban]

Are you doing your material again?

[Rob White]

No, no. This is, this is like what I do every day of the week. 13 years old, tattooing. So I've been doing my whole entire life. And I did the worst fucking tattoo in the history of tattooing. Like to the point where it's on every website. It's every. It ruined my entire comedy and tattoo career simultaneously.

[Brian Redban]

What was it, the down syndrome? Tiger?

[Rob White]

No, it was, it was a Sopranos portrait of the family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do we find this?

[Rob White]

You don't. All you have to do is you remember the show. Sopranos tattoo, Ron and Fez, Opie and Anthony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm asking you a difference where it

[Rob White]

happened on the radio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, it happened on.

[Brian Redban]

So how would we find it was the question.

[Rob White]

The guy I tattoo was Eastside Dave. If you type in Eastside Dave, Dave's tattoo, it immediately just fills it the in because I ruined his life too, right? And it's, it's, it's probably the worst. It looks horrible. So I did this. It was a radio promotion.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Ali Siddiq]

See?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's hard. My God. Oh my God, the Beatles. It's so bad. It's crazy. We're gonna put it on the screen. For those of you watching on YouTube right now, up. Holy.

[Brian Redban]

No, they're not going to. Don't, don't ever do that again. I told you, it doesn't work in house.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's like only these four people are

[Rob White]

going to be like, go, this, this was a. Just put a well accomplished American traditional tattooer that's what I've always done. No, but I was doing. No, it's.

[Brian Redban]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't believe you. I'm so told this. I think your dad was probably good at it.

[Brian Redban]

I think this is one of those things, like, you know, Michael Jordan Jr.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or whatever, where it's like, this was Ali Siddiq.

[Ali Siddiq]

I wish I could see this tattoo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Frankenstein, John Lennon. The tattoo is funnier than anything there. This is what I say. This section is disgusted. There's people vomiting. Wow. Oh, my God. This is incredible.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. This is great. Great podcasting, everybody. Red Band on the ones and twos. Wow. There it is. Red band is. He can't do anything. Here we go. Here he goes. All he has to do is turn an iPad around, everybody. Let's see how it goes there.

[Brian Redban]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there you go. People are just cheering. Red Band. Being able to do the simplest of simples, everyone. What do you mean? What do you mean? I've been doing this 12 and a half years. I can turn the light pad around.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like this tattoo right now. All right, it's Rob. Craziest thing about your life.

[Brian Redban]

Anything. Ali, Sadiq, what do you got? What do you think? What do you think about?

[Ali Siddiq]

To be able to fight because I would have beat the out of you.

[Rob White]

That wasn't, like, just a norm.

[Dimitri King]

This was.

[Rob White]

This is worse than what you even understand. It was a radio show Ron and Fez was on right before Opie and Anthony on the radio, right? So after I did this, they roasted the out of me. Do you understand? Like, all my comedy heroes that I was looking up like. Like Jim Norton and Bob Kelly and Louis every week would go on the show and pull up the picture of this tattoo and be like, what an amazing abortion this kid did.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, horrible.

[Rob White]

So, yeah, I just felt like. I thought that would be nice to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

share with you guys.

[Brian Redban]

Well, it just happened again.

[Dimitri King]

Yeah.

[Rob White]

Yeah, I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Twenty years later, it's happening again, too.

[Brian Redban]

On a big show. Rob, here's a little joke book, my friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sign up again with. Try it again.

[Brian Redban]

Try it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sometimes Rob White, Holocaust denier. Rob White. Oh, la la. Oh, my goodness gracious. The lovely Heidi saging the stage of the energy of Rob White and Dave the Butcher, bringing us back to a time when we all felt like we were in show business. All right, your next bucket pull, everybody. It's a promising name, believe it or not.

[Brian Redban]

I. I have a feeling about this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for Just Greg. Just Greg.

[Just Greg]

What's up, everybody? I don't know about you guys, but I hate getting bad news. But sometimes I think, like, what if I got bad news? Like, in a fun, entertaining way? And then maybe I wouldn't mind it as much, like, somebody be like, hey, Just Greg, got some bad news for you, man. Your wife has one minute to live. I'd be like, yeah, yeah. That wouldn't be a bad way to get bad news. I don't think you know what I'm talking about, man. Maybe your friend pulls up to your

[Mason Bird]

house like,

[Just Greg]

I ran over your dog in the driveway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You

[Just Greg]

love that dog, man. Keep me going for pancake. This is my impression of Donald Duck. Have sneezing. Is my impression of Donald Dog having sex with a prostitute. All right, that's enough of that. All right, that was my time.

[Mason Bird]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just Greg. Hell yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right, well, how long you been

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

doing stand up, Just Greg?

[Just Greg]

Not long. Three years, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Three years. Okay. All of it in San Antonio.

[Just Greg]

Could you tell?

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Just Greg]

No, sir. I started in El Paso and then

[Brian Redban]

I just moved to San Antonio. C. You do live in San Antonio?

[Rob White]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

How long ago did you move to San Antonio?

[Just Greg]

About a year ago.

[Brian Redban]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Just Greg]

I'm a stay at home dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Hell yeah.

[Uncle Laser]

Thank you.

[Just Greg]

I should have just said that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Brian Redban]

How old are the kids?

[Just Greg]

Six and eight.

[Brian Redban]

Were the. Were their first words?

[Just Greg]

Something like that, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You don't make money in any way.

[Brian Redban]

How does the baby mama bring home the bacon?

[Just Greg]

She's a surgical technician.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. It's a fancy, fancy, fancy terminology. How long you been with her?

[Just Greg]

13 years.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Look at that. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? Do you. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You beatbox while you eat box?

[Just Greg]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

In crack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Uncle Laser]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And two kids.

[Brian Redban]

Are you gonna have more?

[Just Greg]

Planning on it.

[Brian Redban]

Very small family for a San Antonio Latino family.

[Dimitri King]

Yeah.

[Just Greg]

For a Hispanic.

[Brian Redban]

Honestly, just what's the most Latino thing about you?

[Just Greg]

The most Latino thing about me? Probably my mustache.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay.

[Just Greg]

Just grows like that.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. You mow your own lawn?

[Just Greg]

Fuck yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Ali Siddiq]

Yeah.

[Mason Bird]

Gas, power.

[Just Greg]

None of that electric.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the answer then. That's the most Latino thing about you.

[Brian Redban]

Just to let you know.

[Just Greg]

Yes, sir. I can cut a grass.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun when

[Brian Redban]

you're not hanging with the kids or attempting comedy?

[Just Greg]

I make videos on YouTube.

[Brian Redban]

About what?

[Just Greg]

Beatboxing.

[Brian Redban]

You beatbox? So that's your thing?

[Just Greg]

That's my thing.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Better.

[Just Greg]

It's the Best thing I know how to do.

[Brian Redban]

The first punchline that you did. Did you say your wife has one minute to live?

[Just Greg]

Yes, I did.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Yeah. I don't think anybody really got that. I kind of heard it, but even then it doesn't make sense because why would the doctor say true?

[Just Greg]

Okay. What about the second one, though?

[Brian Redban]

I think it would be. I think you should just be more on the nose, like you have cancer. Oh, something like that.

[Just Greg]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

No one would believe One minute to live. You know what I mean?

[Just Greg]

That's fair.

[Brian Redban]

Unless she's drowning or something.

[Just Greg]

Yeah,

[Brian Redban]

but she wouldn't. She's a good swimmer, right?

[Just Greg]

Yeah, she could float.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All the horn players got that one. Look at that.

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely. Okay. You say six and seven? Six and eight. The kids.

[Just Greg]

Six and eight? Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. They up to anything? Crazy good. Kids.

[Just Greg]

Yeah, they're pretty funny. Funnier than me, for sure.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, for sure. What. What do they do that's funny?

[Just Greg]

They're just getting a. They just get into arguments. They're kind of like roommates, you know, the. The youngest one hates the oldest one because she's jealous of her. Like the other day she was like, oh, Elena says that she's getting boobies so she needs to wear a bra. And I was like, well, that's a weird thing to bring up. And then I was like, well, it's fine. Just don't wear her bra. And she's like, but tell her. Tell her she doesn't have any boobies. Like, that's what she was worried about.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pope red band has signified that he has an erection. Everybody six and an eight year old

[Brian Redban]

talking about boobies has red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very excited.

[Just Greg]

Is that. Is that your thing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would have him stand up and show you the erection, but it would turn into a home screen in front of his pants if he. All right, we're having fun here tonight.

[Brian Redban]

Greg, what's the craziest thing but in the history of your life, what do you think makes you different than everybody else?

[Just Greg]

I got a flu shot. I almost got paralyzed. That was.

[Brian Redban]

Tell us more about that.

[Just Greg]

So I got. There's like a thing, you know that those papers they give you when you get a flu shot that nobody reads? There's like a tenant. There's like a. 10,000 cases a year that somebody gets Guillain Barre, which is like, I get. I get paralyzed, basically.

[Brian Redban]

And you felt it coming on?

[Just Greg]

Yeah. Like, it was weird because I still had to go to work and I didn't send me to the neurologist until went to the back of my throat. So I was like answering the phone

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like, you know, wow.

[Just Greg]

I was in the air force, I'm gonna say that.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. What were you. What type of work were you doing then?

[Just Greg]

Some. It's. It's a job where I just inspect, like, life rafts and shit like that.

[Brian Redban]

Life rafts?

[Benny G]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Were you helping people illegally cross the border?

[Just Greg]

My family mostly, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

Do you ever get a flu shot, Tony? I don't really think so, and definitely not as an adult. How old were you when you did this?

[Just Greg]

I was back in 2018, so I was like 27, 26.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I don't really do that. Even red band doesn't get the flu shot, as you could tell the color. Here's a. Here's a little joke book. Just. There you go. Just Greg, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Beatbox, beatbox.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh, weep me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for your next bucket pool, everybody. It's Dr. Rabbit. O la la. Dr. Rabbit.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Rabbit.

[Dr. Rabbit]

All righty. So I do actually have a doctorate degree, but if we're completely honest, I am essentially just the Walmart version of Legally Blonde. But regardless, I still got a job at a college, and you wouldn't know by looking at me, but it was actually at a black college. So, yeah, I was a diversity hire. So I go by the stage name Dr. Rabbit for reasons that I thought were fairly obvious and also because all the really hot girls that are blonde seem to have already taken the name Bunny. So that was off the table. But what I didn't expect was that the tiktokers were going to think that I chose Rabbit for how I fuck rather than what I thought was the more obvious roast. So.

[Liv Taylor]

Meow.

[Dr. Rabbit]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a minute.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Sorry, I didn't know I was in.

[Brian Redban]

That is a minute. The doctor is in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dr. Rabbit.

[Brian Redban]

Hello, Dr. Rabbit.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Hi.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness.

[Kim Congdon]

Look at you, dude, I love her. She looks like someone left their Barbie in the sun.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome to the show. How long have you been doing something stand up comedy?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Well, this is it. I've done. This is it really. I've done a few, like, stand up nights, but not really anything.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Dr. Rabbit]

My rate. My professor would say that my class is kind of. Oh, sorry. My rate. My professor would say that my classes kind of stand up, but I mean, your what?

[Brian Redban]

Professor.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Ratemyprofessor.com you can go read about.

[Kim Congdon]

That's where you go rate college professors before you sign up for their classes.

[Liv Taylor]

So she's a professor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, got it.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah, got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're a professor at a black college.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Not anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do at the black

[Brian Redban]

college other than scare the living shit out of people?

[Dr. Rabbit]

I don't think I scared anybody. But I taught cultural diversity, believe it or not.

[Kim Congdon]

Her class was called get in.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. And can you give us a lesson here? Can you give us what it would look like if we showed up to your class and just a, you know, like 10 second snippet of you as a professor?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Usually I walk in and I'm like, trying to get the like, oh, actually do it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, do it.

[Dr. Rabbit]

So I'm not good with technology, so usually I walk in and then I'm like, messing with the computer and then I, like, say some words and then they all laugh and I say, please don't, like, report me. Please don't put that in my student eval and I have to overcompensate for it. But do.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know, do what you do your college professor thing just for 10 seconds. Just pretend like you're a college professor and I'll pretend like I'm a black college student.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, hold on.

[Brian Redban]

On, let's start.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Okay, so.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, what up, do? Yeah, no, I only got a few

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

months left of this anyway.

[Ali Siddiq]

Spot on, spot on.

[Brian Redban]

This be looking like the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

From polter guy.

[Brian Redban]

Got the I'm learning studies from the children of the cone up here. Okay.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Honestly, I'm so painfully white that like half the time I don't know what they're saying or I didn't know what they were saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, I love that. Brings me to the next segment of the show.

[Brian Redban]

Dr. Rabbit, what do you think is

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the blackest thing about you? Oh, oh,

[Dr. Rabbit]

I do have a black daughter, and I don't know who her father is.

[Ali Siddiq]

One of her students.

[Dr. Rabbit]

May I clarify? She was adopted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. Oh, the crowd's upset that you adopted. They were all hoping that you got knocked up by one of your students.

[Jimmy Clifford]

Literally.

[Dr. Rabbit]

No, no, nothing like that. That's not why I still don't work there.

[Ali Siddiq]

Just to be. Just to be totally honest. Yeah, just to be totally honest. It's not that you don't understand them because you so white. I don't understand them either. I have a black son. I don't know what the fuck he be talking about. She look crazy as shit, though.

[Kim Congdon]

You adopted a black child and you're a professor at a black university? What's up with.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Well, not anymore, but yeah. Well, it doesn't sound like that. I did adopt a black child while I was at the black university. But I then left and went to an all girls university. That's where I'm at now.

[Ali Siddiq]

But who is giving our children away? Fuck, man.

[Brian Redban]

Incredible. Do you only have one adopted child?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah, just her.

[Brian Redban]

Awesome.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Those guys two of us?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Okay, great. Awesome. How old is she?

[Dr. Rabbit]

14.

[Brian Redban]

14. Amazing. So let me ask you this because I'll bet you it did happen. My question is, did. Did a lot of the guy, a lot of the guys at the colleges flirt with you? Because a lot of, like, there's a lot of teacher student hookups. I bet some laid it on pretty thick. Am I right?

[Dr. Rabbit]

I don't know if I'm really the type that they go for, but I mean, no, no. I'm kind of a pushover.

[Ali Siddiq]

Can you please hit the money side,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bro?

[Ali Siddiq]

I'm gonna give me a Mustang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no, you are. Are is the line of the night it shall be sealed forever. That is incredible. Brought to you by ZipRecruiter, Shopify prize picks and open phone Ally Siddiqs. Two new specials are at. Ali Siddiq comedy on YouTube. Holy shit.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, Dr. Rabbit, so what happened? Why did you leave the black. All black college?

[Dr. Rabbit]

She's got. If we're completely honest, she's got a lot of special needs. And it was hard for me to do it completely on my. So my parents were willing to step up and she had been in. Wait, hold on, seven foster homes and.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, the adopted daughter.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, I asked a different question.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Oh, I was sorry. Why did I leave the college? I literally gets left so that I could get help from my parents in Indiana to help raise her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. So she has special needs. What are those special needs?

[Kim Congdon]

She needs a black mom.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Dr. Rabbit]

I mean. I mean, I'm not great at her hair, I'll be honest, but. Oh, I tried.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If on YouTube.

[Ali Siddiq]

Is on YouTube.

[Dr. Rabbit]

I have a feeling I'm not gonna have a job when I get back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're great.

[Kim Congdon]

All right.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Anyways, but I don't even know what you asked.

[Brian Redban]

What are the special needs of the adopted child?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah, so she's got pretty significant fetal alcohol syndrome. She came from foster care. So I gotta really reiterate that. So they don't think it's me, Right?

[Brian Redban]

Exactly.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Every time I go to the doctor, I'm like, she's adopted. She's adopted. And I kind of look like a jerk, but then they see why I have to really emphasize that. But she does have an intellectual disability and some physical. Like she has seizures and stuff because of the brain damage.

[Brian Redban]

Let Me ask you a question. When you adopt a kid like that, did you know that when you got it, or did you, like, do you get a discount or something? Like, how does that work in sack, 30 off?

[Dr. Rabbit]

No, no discount. Foster care is free, so. Yeah, no, it's. Foster care is free, so I didn't have to pay anything, but.

[Ali Siddiq]

Nice.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah, I knew ahead of time.

[Kim Congdon]

So at any point someone can go like, I want it.

[Dr. Rabbit]

No, you gotta go through. There's some. There's some hoops you gotta go through, but. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Did she already, like, does it. The foster kids? Like, you. Do you get to, like. Is it like a dog? Do you get to, like, rename it? Or was it. Was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was the kid named, like, whatever the original mom named it, like, Hennessy or whatever?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Yeah. So that's a law that I really want them to change because at the age of 13, they can actually legally completely change their name to whatever they want it to be. And hers almost became Cardi B. Ariana Grande built. And I was like, we can't. We can't do that. And they're like, telling me, like, legally, you can't, like, coach her on what to name herself. And I'm like, we're gonna have. We're gonna have a Cardi B then. I mean, we can't do this. But she kept her name and just changed her last name to mine. Thank God.

[Ali Siddiq]

Wow. So you got a black child that want to be named after a Puerto Rican white lady. This is crazy.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Hey, she got special needs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, if I was her, I would have gone with Tardi B. To be honest with you. Where, Evan?

[Brian Redban]

What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Aw, this is Kill Tony. Nowhere else can you say Tardy B. All right.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, that would have been the moment. Special needs, picking the name Cardi B. She's black, right? Okay. It's a whole thing.

[Kim Congdon]

You're an angel.

[Brian Redban]

You really are.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're so likable, and it's incredible. Dr. Rabbit, what made you want to do this here tonight?

[Dr. Rabbit]

I've just. I don't know. People have always told me that they think I'm funny, and I was really self conscious. I was in a bad car accident when I was 16. Then that's why my face kind of got destroyed. And I was really self conscious, but people said I was funny, and so I'd kind of hide. And so what way to kind of reimmerse to the world by going on a on Kiltonian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. I love that Michael Gonzalez is. Has an interesting taste in blonde women.

[Benny G]

He.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So if you're interested, he's a professional

[Brian Redban]

rock and roll drummer. This here's a big joke book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your interview was amazing. You ready for it? You got it. You can do it. Ready?

[Dr. Rabbit]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, There it is. Dr. Rabbit, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Dr. Rabbit. Rabbit. Make some noise for everybody. We're having fun tonight. A lot of people using Kill Tony for therapy, by the way. A lot of people trying to face their social anxiety fears on this show, let me remind you all. It's about stand up comedy. And if you need help, Talk Space is the number number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access any time. It's easy to get started. And as a listener of this podcast, you get 80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com Tony and enter the promo code. Space eight zero. Right, red band. I love Talk Space. Thank you, Red Band. All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Dimitri King, everybody. Demetri King. Three cake. Yeah.

[Dimitri King]

What's up, Austin? Where my weed smokers at? Man, you gotta really watch what you smoke these days. I smoke this strain called Think About It. Yeah, think About It. Messed up my whole day. I took two hits and I said thought to myself, I wonder what white people's favorite rap song to sing and say nigga, when niggas ain't around. Cause you know they got one, they at least got one that they scream on their way to work at 8 o' clock in the morning. So I've compiled the top five songs that I believe. White people say nigga, when niggas ain't around. Number five. I'm just kidding. White people. I ain't gonna expose y' all like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no.

[Dimitri King]

I'd rather let you have a very weird conversation with your black friend the next time you get in the car and close the door and the radio turns on and he looks over at you and goes, the fuck do you be singing in here? That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Dimitri King.

[Brian Redban]

We didn't even get any examples. I was excited to hear the N word.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your favorite time to say the N word?

[Dimitri King]

Usually when I wake up.

[Liv Taylor]

Same.

[Brian Redban]

Demetri, how long you been doing stand up?

[Dimitri King]

So technically 10 years, but I just came back on stage for the first time after eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, wow.

[Brian Redban]

So you did it for two years

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and then took an eight year break.

[Dimitri King]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Quite the lunch break there, Dimitri.

[Dimitri King]

Little bit.

[Dave the Butcher]

Little bit.

[Brian Redban]

It. Okay, normally when someone does something and comes back.

[Ali Siddiq]

Sounds like my father.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dimitri King]

Come on, now.

[Ali Siddiq]

You know.

[Dimitri King]

Don't come back.

[Brian Redban]

Demitri, what do you do for work?

[Dimitri King]

I'm actually a founder of a tech company.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Founder of a tech company? What is.

[Brian Redban]

What he exactly is this tech company?

[Dimitri King]

It's called Market Match. So it's a fun way to do market research and surveys using swipe technology.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, you're a founder. Do you make a lot of money from that?

[Dimitri King]

I'm starting to.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness. What are we talking about? Like, how much money?

[Dimitri King]

I mean, we ain't going to say all that.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, why not?

[Dimitri King]

No, I'm good.

[Brian Redban]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm good.

[Brian Redban]

It's a fun show. Like, what do you make a month?

[Dimitri King]

Oh, it ain't that fun. I don't feel like getting robbed for fun.

[Brian Redban]

You have it, you carry, you make, take it all, and you turn it into cash and you keep it on you.

[Dimitri King]

You don't have to have cash to get robbed.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right. Fun answer. Dimitri, you have a wife, girlfriend?

[Dimitri King]

Yeah, I have a wife.

[Brian Redban]

What does she do?

[Dimitri King]

She's an executive assistant for a startup.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Look at you guys. Founder, executive assistant for a startup. Amazing. You have kids?

[Dimitri King]

I do.

[Brian Redban]

How many kids?

[Dimitri King]

Just one kid.

[Brian Redban]

How old's the kid?

[Dimitri King]

He's six.

[Brian Redban]

Six. So that's why you stopped?

[Kim Congdon]

And he's retarded? He gave it up for adoption.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Dimitri King]

Did someone read her my bio before I came up here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

So, Dimitri, what do you do for fun?

[Dimitri King]

This?

[Brian Redban]

Other than this.

[Dimitri King]

Just go out and hang with my friends. It's usually about it, traveling.

[Brian Redban]

What scares you? What are you scared of? You seem very comfortable on stage. I would say dolphins, perhaps.

[Dave the Butcher]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

No, I want you to think of your own answer. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band.

[Brian Redban]

Totally worth it.

[Dimitri King]

I would say standing up here and not getting a single laugh, that might be the scariest thing ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. You'd be amazed how many people faced your fears tonight. It happened a bunch.

[Brian Redban]

Dimitri. Dimitri King. Any relation to Martin Luther?

[Dimitri King]

Not that I know of.

[Brian Redban]

Okay,

[Kim Congdon]

Maybe Martin Phillips.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Dimitri King. Most interesting thing about your life.

[Dimitri King]

I just started my business and, you know, I'm looking to. To bring it out to the world. That's about it.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Anything at all, anything interesting about your life, other than the business? Little fun fact about Dimitri King. Like, for example, you once almost died or you saved somebody's life. Oh.

[Dimitri King]

So, actually, yeah, I actually almost died. I'm diabetic. And I found out by being diabetic, by basically being put in icu. And I should have died, but I did not.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Dimitri King]

My sugar was so high that I should have died, but I did not die. And luckily I'm here in front of you.

[Ali Siddiq]

That's everybody Black?

[Uncle Laser]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. I believe it's called Kool aids. Great. What did you have or consume that

[Brian Redban]

put your blood sugar into such a. Such a precarious position?

[Dimitri King]

Chocolate milk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Brian Redban]

That is incredible. Did you make the chocolate milk yourself? Did you mix the syrup in or did you pre buy it? Already mixed chocolate milk. Red band loves this question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a good question. It is.

[Brian Redban]

Because you can control the amount of chocolate if you have the Hershey's thing. So it's a good one.

[Dimitri King]

Oh, no, it was the Dutch. Dutch Borden chocolate milk.

[Brian Redban]

So it was the premium boarding. Very well.

[Ali Siddiq]

Can I give you a fun fact?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ali Siddiq]

About chocolate milk?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, please.

[Ali Siddiq]

I only drink it if I have somebody pregnant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Ali Siddiq]

I don't know what. What it is. If I know if somebody's pregnant by me, that's when I start drinking chocolate milk. Any other time. I hate this. I didn't drink chocolate milk nine times.

[Brian Redban]

That's how many kids you have.

[Ali Siddiq]

Exactly. Other than that, I don't with it all. White milk, buddy.

[Brian Redban]

That is incredible. Amazing. What an interesting fun fact. Chocolate milk. Do you drink it, Ollie, when you drink it, when your girl's pregnant, do you drink it straight out of her breast?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's where it comes from, Right?

[Ali Siddiq]

Black women's milk almost killed you, pal.

[Sir Winston Pickles]

You're right.

[Mason Bird]

You're right.

[Brian Redban]

You did almost get murdered by chocolate milk. That is an amazing fun fact.

[Dimitri King]

They said I had a 2% chance of living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Hell yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. My goodness. Dimitri.

[Ali Siddiq]

All right, ask him, is he related to Bernard King?

[Brian Redban]

Are you any relation to Bernard King?

[Dimitri King]

Bernard King.

[Brian Redban]

What about Rodney King?

[Dimitri King]

King Jr. Jr. Who? Jr Jr. Rodney King Jr. Jr. Okay, I don't even know.

[Ali Siddiq]

Okay, still bomb. And it's terrible.

[Dimitri King]

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. That's what happens when you go on an eight year hiatus, you know?

[Ali Siddiq]

Did you do any. Did you think of any of the jokes that you did from the first 10 years?

[Dimitri King]

I did.

[Ali Siddiq]

And what happened to those?

[Dimitri King]

Those jokes were good, but they were older, so I was like. I figured I'd try something new.

[Ali Siddiq]

Oh, so your jokes don't stand the test of time?

[Dimitri King]

I guess not.

[Ali Siddiq]

Okay, I'm done interviewing him.

[Kim Congdon]

Like milk, they expire quickly.

[Brian Redban]

Dimitri.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fun times. Here's a medium sized joke book, my friend. Whoa, whoa. You can't catch the only one of the night to not catch.

[Ali Siddiq]

Let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Wow. Two miss catches. Let it be known that Dr. Rabbit caught her joke book in a stunning turn of events. Nobody thought it was possible.

[Brian Redban]

Meanwhile, the six foot five black man avoided the joke book like it was a couplet of chocolate milk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. One more time for Dimitri King. I very rarely get to use the word couplet on this show, and I'm excited. I got it in. That was on your bingo card. You just won a billion dollars.

[Brian Redban]

Okie dokie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having fun.

[Brian Redban]

We're in a silly mood tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There was weed going around in the green room. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night. Goes by the name of Mason Bird. It is time for Mason Bird.

[Mason Bird]

I have the mindset of an NFL quarterback. When I have sex, if I go three and out one more time, they're gonna put in the black guy. And they should. The black guys can do spin moves in the pussy. I'm much more of a pocket pussy passer. My pocket presence is crazy. No, I don't use a pocket pussy. I know what I look like. I know I look like. I know serial numbers. Is that the X472? Not sloppy enough for me, dude. There's a lot of double standards in this life. Like, if a guy likes trains, he's autistic. But if a girl likes trains, she's the coolest girl ever. Dude,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mason Bird. Fantastic.

[Brian Redban]

Mason, you've been on this show before, right?

[Mason Bird]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

And you were funny last time.

[Mason Bird]

Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a funny guy.

[Brian Redban]

How long you been doing it?

[Mason Bird]

Three years next week.

[Brian Redban]

And you're from where?

[Mason Bird]

Detroit.

[Brian Redban]

Detroit. And you live here now?

[Mason Bird]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. You're doing great.

[Brian Redban]

Mason, what do you do? How do you make money?

[Mason Bird]

Right now I'm at Jersey Mike still?

[Brian Redban]

Absolutely.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah. Dude, I know how to make sandwiches, man.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, so do 100% of the people in the room.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible. You take the bread, you put the shit on it, and then you put the other piece of bread on top.

[Brian Redban]

Unbelievable work. Amazing. How many times have you been in the ICU for your diabetes?

[Mason Bird]

Completely healthy young man? Never. I don't have diabetes. I'm certain I'm close, but I'm

[Ali Siddiq]

sick. Completely healthy. Somebody get Dr. Rabbit back out. As you can see him.

[Mason Bird]

I'm an athletic fat. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What kind of athletic do you do exactly?

[Mason Bird]

I play basketball. I lift weights, I swim sometimes. Yeah. But yeah, I'm. I'm a dom. I'm an athlete.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do a squat John D. Says. Whoa. Look at that. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Ali Siddiq]

Damn near fell into that drum.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kim Congdon]

We just got a tsunami in the Philippines. Philippines.

[Brian Redban]

My goodness. Mason Bird talking about being bad at sex. Being replaced. Three and out. Are you really bad at sex, Mason?

[Mason Bird]

I'm good at sex.

[Brian Redban]

What are some of your. What are some of your big moves in the bedroom?

[Mason Bird]

I like to, like, pin a girl against the wall. With consent, of course.

[Brian Redban]

Adding the word consent makes it a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bit creepy.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

I feel like any room you're in, the girl's pinned against the wall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So you put her up against the

[Brian Redban]

wall, and then what exactly would you do? Because there's space in between.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, you. So. So you got to create space, right? So you put the legs by the ankles, kind of like a V. Like a really weird V situation.

[Brian Redban]

You say put the legs by the ankle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ankles. Legs are on top of ankles already.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Mason Bird]

Sorry. Put the ankles on top of your shoulders is what I meant to say.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yes. Creating the V formation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The old flying V. Old quack, quack.

[Brian Redban]

The Mighty Ducks. Mighty Ducks reference.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a man losing his mind in the middle of the room right now. The fear of the Mighty Ducks. And he's having a mental breakdown. Talk space.

[Brian Redban]

Use the code space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

80.

[Kim Congdon]

He seemed to have a lot of competition with black men, too. In the bedroom. What's up with that?

[Mason Bird]

I think every white guy does,

[Brian Redban]

you

[Mason Bird]

know, like fat women like me. And they also like black guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, yes.

[Ali Siddiq]

No, we like them. Hit the money sign.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ching, ching.

[Kim Congdon]

Well, if you get them wet enough, you don't have to worry about the black guy swimming in it. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm gonna pee again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Brian Redban]

So you mostly hook up with bigger women?

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, Pretty big girls. Sometimes black women.

[Brian Redban]

Oh. Tell us about your experience with black women.

[Mason Bird]

It's like the thing where, like, black guys like fat women. They kind of like black women like fat white men.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. I have never heard this before.

[Mason Bird]

They're very aggressive to me, Tony. They're very. They're like, what you doing later, big boy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Hell, yeah.

[Ali Siddiq]

And. And then they found out you make sandwiches. Get the. Away from me, big boy.

[Mason Bird]

They call me big boy. They want it for sure. If they.

[Dimitri King]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

wow.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. So tell us about your experiences with black women. Have you noticed that? What's different between having sex with a black woman than a white woman?

[Mason Bird]

They're a lot more bossy. They tell you what they want. And, like, I've heard it before on the show, but it is Warmer it is.

[Brian Redban]

Yes. Can you give some examples of what black women have bossed you around to do in the bedroom room?

[Mason Bird]

Lift up your belly. Rub it.

[Ali Siddiq]

Eat this.

[Jimmy Clifford]

What?

[Ali Siddiq]

Big boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That looks like the only thing you don't eat.

[Brian Redban]

Am I right? I mean, like, you a good eater?

[Ali Siddiq]

I'm not.

[Mason Bird]

Hope I'm good at it. I don't get a lot of opportunities.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have to put it between two pieces of bread to be able to enjoy it?

[Kim Congdon]

He has some black woman left on his shirt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mason Bird.

[Brian Redban]

You see your parents are back up in Detroit. They alive.

[Mason Bird]

Mom alive. Dad dead.

[Brian Redban]

What happened to dad?

[Mason Bird]

Cirrhosis of the liver.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh, red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red band. Our chief cirrhosis of the liver correspondent.

[Kim Congdon]

Even the liver was black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Mason Bird]

He always said something black would take him out. It just was his liver.

[Brian Redban]

Us amazing.

[Ali Siddiq]

Y' all gonna stop blaming shit on us.

[Brian Redban]

In Detroit? They are all right,

[Dr. Rabbit]

Mason.

[Brian Redban]

Incredible stuff. So fun. Do you have any other hobbies other than stand up and making sandwiches?

[Mason Bird]

I like to go walks in the middle of the night.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay.

[Mason Bird]

It's not anything weird. Not any weird. I just. I feel safe in the middle of the night.

[Ali Siddiq]

Peeping Tom.

[Mason Bird]

What else? I have a cat. I like to feed my cat. I like to make her fat, too.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okay. What's the cat's name?

[Mason Bird]

Clover.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Mason Bird]

But I call her Stinky for the most part.

[Brian Redban]

Stinky?

[Mason Bird]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Mason Bird]

Sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. You sleep with the cat.

[Mason Bird]

She crawl under the bed sometimes, but sometimes not.

[Ali Siddiq]

Your cat confuses shit, Clover. Come here, Stinky.

[Mason Bird]

I like. I like going to strip clubs sometimes.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Brian Redban]

What do you tend to do with the strip club?

[Mason Bird]

The first time I went to a strip club, I went with my father, and he kind of showed me the way. Just following his footsteps. I like to go in, you know, get a laugh, dance and be awkward with the strippers.

[Brian Redban]

Most awkward moment you've ever had. But hold on. Let's check in with Alisa.

[Ali Siddiq]

See, that's not a black woman's shirt. That's a stripper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, that is true.

[Brian Redban]

Stripper juice, ladies. No doubt about it. We've seen this before. What's the most awkward moment you've ever had with a stripper?

[Mason Bird]

I try to walk up to a lady for, like, 45 seconds and awkwardly, like, walk, trying to give her money. And I just kept walking away awkwardly. And security got called, like, what's this guy steal? And then they were scared because I was bigger than them. And then more security showed up, and then they let me keep hanging out. Actually, it was the weirdest.

[Kim Congdon]

They were like, does lap band dances.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have any plans on losing the weight? Do you have.

[Uncle Laser]

Yes.

[Mason Bird]

I actually got a Gold's Gym membership last time I've been on.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Mason Bird]

Haven't. Haven't gone yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You haven't gone yet. Gone.

[Mason Bird]

It's just $30 a month. I'm eating.

[Kim Congdon]

He loves eating.

[Brian Redban]

How come you haven't gone yet?

[Mason Bird]

Laziness, I guess. Fear of inadequacy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, proper answer.

[Mason Bird]

Yeah, like, I guess I'm just afraid to be embarrassed at the gym by Jack Eyes. Yeah, those guys, right? No, I'm just.

[Brian Redban]

You're Jack, too. Jack in the box.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mason, fun times. Congratulations. You did it again. You already have a big joke book, right?

[Mason Bird]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Mason Bird, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the bucket portion of the show. Now, it's an interesting one tonight, ladies

[Brian Redban]

and gentlemen, because I must inform you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that William Montgomery is on a very rare vacation with his family. Yes, very rare.

[Brian Redban]

And Ari Matti is sick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Came back from the road and he's sick.

[Brian Redban]

Hans Kim is stuck locked in a sushi restaurant right now. And Cam Patterson is yet again filming another movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Movie.

[Brian Redban]

A wild success story. So you might be wondering what the hell people are saying. There's Latino men wearing sunglasses going, what the hell? Literally, right now. So, closing tonight's show, ladies and gentlemen, a very, very polarizing figure in the history of the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the long awaited return of Uncle Laser,

[Uncle Laser]

Y'.

[Ali Siddiq]

All.

[Uncle Laser]

We got any trans people in here? I'm still gonna fucking talk about y'. All. What's up? Hey, listen, I got invited to a drag brunch the other day. Okay, that's not the funny part, sir, but I know what you're thinking. Same thing I was thinking, like bottomless mimosas, nascar.

[Brian Redban]

Count me in.

[Uncle Laser]

You know? And when I get there, it's bottomless mimosas, but it's. But like, post op pit crew dressed up like Mrs. Doubtfire, okay? Their wieners tucked under Lady Gaga. I was born this way. I was like, you weren't born that way. You know you weren't. But I get about 16 goddamn mimosas deep, and I forgot where it was. And your boy got ready to risk it all on a girl named Peter, okay? And me and Peter started fucking sexing back and forth. And I'm a shooter, so I led with a dick pic. Got one back, and I was like, what's that? She goes, that's before I said, what's after? And she's like, well, you know, I'm post op. My wiener done been repaired into a lady's vagina. And I said, well, that's not Christian, you know. And y' all ever seen a wiener that's been turned into a vagina? Y' all ever re reheat lasagna in the microwave for too long?

[Brian Redban]

Oh my God.

[Uncle Laser]

But y' all ever been inside a wiener that's been repaired and two woman's vagina lot shallower than you think it is a lot more shallow. It's like you ever cannonball into a kiddie pool and scrape your knee on the concrete? My name's Uncle Lazer. Y' all been fucking crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I mean, wow. Uncle Mother fucking Lazer. I know exactly what I want to say right now.

[Brian Redban]

It's amazing because all the golden ticket winners, boom, they started with the bang. All the regulars had something so promising. And boom, you know what I mean? We, we always watched them be good and then keep learning their voice and focusing harder. When you started on the show, you were nothing more than a few funny character. You weren't a real comedian. There was no definitive moments of actual punches. There was just a bunch of silly funny stuff happening and no big bangs throughout the minute. And you've worked it out, you've been going on the road, you've done everything that a working comedian can possibly do. And it is amazing to watch your

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

growth on the show. Absolutely incredible performance. I think my favorite that you've ever had on this show, but in real

[Brian Redban]

time, I mean, that's what's incredible about this art form is the people that really apply themselves. You get growth, you see results. So that's amazing. I mean, you could go back all the way to the first Uncle Laser appearance and you would go, what the fuck is going on here? And then here you are, the character that you've always had is defined and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you're working and it's funny throughout and

[Brian Redban]

it's still your silly, weird, like messy white trash tone. So you're still on brand, but it's amazing that, that, that was, that was very funny. Uncle Laser, how's life going?

[Uncle Laser]

Fucking terrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more.

[Uncle Laser]

So you know I got a problem with the homeless. Yeah, it's been stated on this show. And they must be at the public library seeing all the shit I'm talking about them on social media. Cuz I got my goddamn car stolen out of my driveway the other day by a couple homeless people. And I recover it and they took a big creamy in the back and homeless smells different than regular. It smells like it wants to borrow some change, you know, and. But then, you know, I recovered a. And to make matters worse. And then about a couple hours later, I get a call because while back on the show, I told y', all, I got my merch stolen in Santa Fe, New Mexico and couldn't locate it. Wasn't being located. Okay. And detective from the Santa Fe Police Department called me. He said, are you Uncle Laser? And I said, this is him. He said, man, we located your merch. I was like, cool. We're like, where's that? Can I come pick it up? He goes, well, no, it's part of investigation. Investigation. We set up a sex child predator sting and nine homeless dudes came in your merch shirts to meet this 13 year old girl at the house. And I'm like, goddamn's right, D Madness. Try having your face on the shirt when they're coming to do all that. So I don't know, man. You know, we're just out here.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. So your merch is basically the Yankee jerseys of pedophiles. That's incredible.

[Uncle Laser]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Uncle Laser]

And you know, just regular. I got. I've met some dominations there in Vancouver this past weekend.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Uncle Laser]

And you know, I'm, you know, I'm always up for whatever. And I had these two of them, they tag teamed me and tied me up on goddamn closet, hung me upside down and jerked me off to. On a repeat to Ozzy Osbourne's Mr. Crowley. And you know, Antonio, you ever have anything ever put in your ass before?

[Brian Redban]

Surprisingly not.

[Uncle Laser]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shockingly not.

[Uncle Laser]

Well, I have. Okay. And let me tell you, first and foremost, fellas, there's G spot in your okay. And if activated correctly, okay. You will ejaculate a bottle of Hidden Valley Rain Ranch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Uncle Laser]

It's. It's got the viscosity of fix a flat. It can fix any tire in town, I'm sure of it. And you know, sometimes I'm just thinking I should just wear sleeves. But here we are, you know, Here we are.

[Brian Redban]

Red band has a confused look on his face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He absolutely loves Hidden Valley Ranch and he's now wondering if that will work. If he ever orders fries and they forget postmates forgets his ranch. On this side, he's. You ever put a finger in your

[Brian Redban]

own ass, Tony, before? Never.

[Ben Bankus]

Never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't even go through the first water line?

[Brian Redban]

Nope. No, I. I have no interest in that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not in the shower.

[Uncle Laser]

Not once.

[Brian Redban]

Have you? Is that what you're saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think every guy at least once

[Just Greg]

in the shower is like, let's just see what it's about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise. Gentlemen. If you put a finger in your ass.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a bunch of sh. God. Red Band. Jesus Christ.

[Uncle Laser]

Hi, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday. It is Red Band's birthday. How many you think we should shove a birthday candle up his ass and light it right now? Those sweet butter cakes.

[Brian Redban]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uncle Laser.

[Brian Redban]

So great. Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable set. Congratulations.

[Brian Redban]

Fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To watch your growth in real time. It is possible, people.

[Brian Redban]

If you don't believe me, go watch

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uncle Laser's first three sets on the show, people. Seven people hated me. They were furious with me. But we were friends.

[Brian Redban]

Friends. And we had mute a lot of mutual friends back then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I knew you were funny. And now.

[Brian Redban]

And now you're showing it in real time on stage. Incredible.

[Uncle Laser]

Can I shake his hand real quick? I'm a big fan of him.

[Kim Congdon]

He's never touched a black guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is very exciting. Look at that, everybody.

[Ali Siddiq]

Third war.

[Benny G]

Yeah.

[Uncle Laser]

I'm from, like, Richmond, Rosenberg. I spent a lot of time in Mo City. Like, zero is my favorite goddamn rapper, so. I didn't know that. I didn't know he's from Houston, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Uncle Laser]

H town. Hold me down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Uncle Laser]

Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he is, everybody. Uncle Laser get trying to up his street cred before getting off. There he goes. How loud can this place get for Ali Sediq and Kim Con, huh? Ali Sadiq's new special. Two new specials just dropped. Ali Sadiq comedy on YouTube. He's on tour@ali sed deke.com. that's S I D D I Q. Ollie, you made me laugh so hard tonight. Absolutely incredible. Unbelievable. One more time for the great Kim Congdon. Twelve and a half years of being killed. Tony Royalty, one of the Original regulars, Tim congdon.com for tickets to Nashville, Tacoma, Charlotte, Fort Wayne, Dallas. It's all happening, people. Thank you to Zip Recruiter, Shopify Prize fix an open phone. The drawing from Ryan Je Belt is in. It's incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Oh, James McCann with ice cream. All right.

[Brian Redban]

That's a special one. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Matt Muling, John D and D Madness. Red band. Check out the secret show every Thursday. Sunset Strip atx. Love you guys. We love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Ram.

[Kim Congdon]

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas. Is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[Dr. Rabbit]

Sa.