#733 - ROB SCHNEIDER + DONNELL RAWLINGS

Summary

Kill Tony #733 – Rob Schneider + Donnell Rawlings

Live from Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas — September 2, 2025
Guests: Rob Schneider, Donnell Rawlings
Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Special episode with wild energy, unfiltered comedy, and memorable chemistry

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony features comedy icons Rob Schneider (making his debut) and Donnell Rawlings (notorious for his walkouts and candor) as guests. The legendary format—random comedians pulled from the audience perform a minute, followed by sharp roasts and interviews—hits new levels of chaos, with unfiltered riffing, backstage stories, and several crazy live moments including a surprise sobriety test administered by an actual police officer. Throughout, the episode is a raucous blend of stand-up, live improvisation, long-running gags, and open-hearted talk about comedy, friendship, and cancel culture.

Theme:
A high-wire, unapologetic night blending classic stand-up, guest comic banter, and real talk on outrage, identity, and the transformative power (and danger) of the Kill Tony stage.

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1. Guests Introduced: Comic Chemistry and History

Timestamps: 03:00–08:00

• Rob Schneider: Hollywood comedy royalty, fresh off "Happy Gilmore 2." Tony: “One of the biggest comedy movie stars of all time.”
• Donnell Rawlings: From Chappelle’s Show, famed for storming off the show, called the “walk-off king."
  • Immediate crowd work and running jokes about Donnell’s walkouts, Tony calling him “Dave Chappelle’s butt plug” ([06:03]).
• Running Bit: Donnell laments his treatment by Kill Tony and the fans, mock-hurt but clearly loving the attention:

  “You can do it. How exciting is this? ...The walk-off king of the show!” – Tony Hinchcliffe ([04:48])
  “These motherfuckers don’t give a fuck about me.” – Donnell ([06:13])

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2. Comedians' Minutes & Guest Interactions

Martin Phillips (Golden Ticket Returnee)

Timestamp: 10:07

• Opens with harmonica gags and off-beat one-liners:
  • “Nice hotels can be expensive…The prostitute was $800. I’m losing money.”
  • “My favorite soda is Sprite with cough syrup—an acquired taste.”
• Panel zings: Donnell riffs on Martin’s finger movements (“I want to make you come...He sound like Audrey Hepburn or Golden Pond!” [12:07]), Rob jokes about putting a ferret up his ass as a closer ([14:11])—this sparks a goofy 'ferret' motif all night.

Brandon La Carruba (Game Show Host)

Timestamp: 16:51

• Jokes about Waymo self-driving cars, weight loss, and stretch marks
• Reveals he’s a professional game show host (quirky occupation gets fun riffs)
• Donnell & Rob riff on stage presence and comic attire:

  “Wearing something…that gives the audience the feeling you give a fuck, is one of the things…” – Rob ([23:25])

  • Donnell: On wearing suits so people won’t think he’s just headed to court post-walk-off ([23:39])
• Panel commends Brandon’s confidence and skills

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Eric Bell (Medical Courier)

Timestamp: 24:30

• "Darker" jokes on Irish dirty talk/rape, with a “version for the ladies”
• Panel’s reaction: edgy subject matter meets dead silence or discomfort

  “I don’t know if rape jokes are quite back yet, but…you’re there early.” – Rob Schneider ([25:38])

  • Eric shares odd details about his courier job (including a coworker delivering a human leg), giving panel more comedic fodder

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Adrian Washington (Donnell’s Opener & Surprise Guest Spot)

Timestamp: 32:57

• Jokes about picking up nieces at school by nicknames (“Fat Daddy and Boog”), and marital/parenting humor (“Yeah, you on speakerphone.”)
• Comfortable crowd work, rapport with panel, tales from Minnesota

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Jose Ayala (Bartender)

Timestamp: 39:07

• Awkward but charming set about dating Latinas and mustache humor
• Mock interview about working at infamous “Cheers” bar on 6th Street
• Tony reads real one-star Yelp reviews of Cheers for hilarious crowd reactions ([42:01])
• Jokes on sweating and ICE raids, jokes about drug smuggling—panel keeps up relentless roasting
• Donnell riffs: “Do you have your green card?” ([47:39]), Rob skewers on racial “immunity” for jokes

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David Womble Jr. (Single Dad, IT Tech)

Timestamp: 50:14

• Parenting joke about instructing his daughter to scare off boys, which she relays as “my dad will bite your dick off”
• The riffing surges: panel teases about racquetball, living in Japan, marrying a Thai woman, and cross-cultural sex gags
• Donnell and Rob riff on Korean whorehouses, language, and brotherly kinship in black and Asian cultures

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Juanita (Trans Stand-up, Kill Tony Regular)

Timestamp: 60:57

• Sets up a “We Will Rock You” parody as a Catholic song
• Openly discusses being trans, jokes about anal, and gayest things
• Extended bit: Donnell, not realizing Juanita’s status, becomes the butt of many jokes. Rob provides a “public service announcement” for black men:

  “If you see something between the chest and the chin…it’s called an Adam’s apple. If they have one, they have something else.” ([65:03])

• Tense and hilarious, culminating in mock-therapy for Donnell

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Charlie Mac (Golden Ticket Winner, “Hood Dr. Seuss”)

Timestamp: 72:08

• Jokes about roleplay with his ex and his undetouched treadmill
• Recaps newfound fame after previous viral appearance, pitches “Pookie and the Stimulus Check” and “Crackhead from Crumble Street” ([74:43])
• Panel roasts/celebrates his creative direction and personal style

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Michael Hines (Realtor’s Assistant)

Timestamp: 78:03

• Standout set with sharp political and social jokes, e.g., non-binary jumpers as “unidentified falling objects”, Trump food stamp policy
• Gets sincere praise from panel for professionalism and joke writing

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James Kerrigan (AC Salesman, “DUI Checkpoint”)

Timestamp: 83:33

• Jokes on break-ups, “after some reflection…”, dick pics
• Extra-drunk, admits two pitchers of vodka and a beer
• Live highlight: Police officer “Oscar” comes on stage to conduct a field sobriety test ([91:13]), played fully for laughs
• Rob: “Even a half-realtor’s-assistant could be a full retard…”, riffing on the real estate business ([81:50])

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Sherry Baseji (Iranian Comic)

Timestamp: 98:07

• Iranian background, jokes about Middle Eastern women, Kardashian, dick size, hashtags as “safe word”
• Gets sincere encouragement and indirect hit-on from Donnell:

  “You had a time in your life…comedy was your passion. Am I correct?” – Donnell ([100:45])

• Rob: “Looking forward to your first tour in Iran—when you get beaten to death.”

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Jason Ellis (Podcaster, Fighter, Bi/Homoflexible)

Timestamp: 105:07

• "I'm not gay anymore. I retired from that shit. But because I've done gay shit, people think that I'm weaker. ...I could knock you out and suck your dick.”
• Rivets the room; Donnell expresses nervous admiration: “As a black man, this would make me nervous…'I'll beat your ass and suck your dick'…”
• Panel riffs on sexuality, addiction, and masculinity

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Ari Matti (Estonian Assasin, Headliner)

Timestamp: 123:19

• Brilliant, fast-paced set on robots killing the homeless, vegan solutions, and “homeless in Austin following Joe Rogan’s advice”
• Rob: “You’re gonna be a gigantic star.” ([126:27])
• Panel commends Ari’s material on real-life Austin weirdness

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Recurring Donnell Lines:

• “I don't wanna fucking be here.”
• “You just look like you can still be raided.” ([47:50])
• “This is bullying now, Tony.”

Rob’s Barbs:

• “I don’t know if rape jokes are quite back yet, but…you’re there early.” ([25:38])
• “If you see something between the chest and chin…an Adam’s apple…they have something else.” ([65:03])
• “You could have a ferret come out of your ass. Just putting it out there…” (recurring)

Live 'DUI Checkpoint' (91:13–96:25):

• Real APD officer "Oscar" conducts sobriety test on James Kerrigan; the show breaks into complete meta-mockery of police stops.
  • Tony: “We went from DUI to DEI real quick.” ([94:37])

Rob & Donnell Chemistry:

• Ton of interruptions, with Tony tracking who steps on whose lines more (“Let’s get a statistician!” – [133:25])
• Donnell’s attempted “Minute Uninterrupted” for sincerity about their friendship and regrets around cancel culture, with Rob and the band persistently undercutting him with musical bits ([128:48–137:27])

Heartfelt Moments:

• Donnell candidly apologizing to Tony for bailing on an episode during Tony's 2021 controversy, reflecting on loyalty, friendship, and pressure from the industry to 'distance.'

  “What I'm saying is, I respect you as a friend. …I appreciate what you are to comedy. Nobody has a platform like this.” ([136:14])

End-of-Show Celebrations:

• Tony shouts out Rob as a “future Austin resident and the nominee for 2025 guest of the year.”
• Jam session outro with Rob and the band, whole panel in high spirits.

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4. Other Highlights & Running Jokes

• Ferret out of ass: A bit sparked by Rob, recurred in roasts and set suggestions
• White guys/African-American cultural awareness: Banter about “black men can’t be racist,” with Rob as the “designated” white guy named “Rob”
• Juanita’s Gender Reveal Fumble: Extended discomfort, then self-deprecating and insightful discussion about identity in comedy
• Rob’s First Impression: Earned mega applause, “honored to be here,” says Austin is “the best audience in the world.”

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5. Episode Timeline (Selected Timestamps)

• [03:00] – Guests introduced, running walk-off & Chappelle’s Show gags
• [06:03] – Tony roasts Donnell as “Dave Chappelle's butt plug”
• [10:07] – Martin Phillips: Soda & harmonica set
• [12:07] – Donnell riffs on Martin’s fingers
• [23:25] – Rob on comic presentation (“give a fuck” about how you dress)
• [25:38] – Rob on “rape jokes are not quite back yet”
• [39:07] – Jose Ayala’s notorious “Cheers Bar” segment
• [47:39] – Donnell: “Do you have your green card?”
• [65:03] – Rob’s “Adam’s apple” announcement to black men
• [72:08] – Charlie Mac: Adult children's books and viral fame
• [83:33] – James Kerrigan: AC salesman, sets up live DUI test
• [91:13] – Oscar the cop's entrance, field sobriety test, meta-comedy peak
• [105:07] – Jason Ellis: “I could knock you out and suck your dick.”
• [126:27] – Rob Schneider: “You're going to be a gigantic star” praise to Ari Matti
• [128:48] – Donnell: “One minute uninterrupted” emotional talk
• [137:27] – Tony & Donnell gratitude exchange, salute to Kill Tony’s impact

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6. Episode Tone & Takeaways

The show is an unrelenting gauntlet of risk-taking, inside jokes, and boundary-pushing. There’s real affection between the hosts, guests, and even the roasted stand-ups. Raw, sometimes awkward truths about showbiz, culture, and friendship bubble up amid relentless joke barrages. Kill Tony is positioned as comedy’s most unpredictable, dangerous, yet supportive proving ground.

Rob Schneider fits instantly as one of the show’s most game, rapid-fire, and insightful “elder statesmen,” while Donnell Rawlings brings both vulnerability and bravado, cementing his status as an unpredictable, self-aware crowd favorite.

In Tony’s words ([138:19]):

“But let me tell you something. The reason why people make the Chappelle jokes about Donnell is because he was on the greatest comedy show of all time…and more than that, you absolutely have to see Donell Rawlings live…He is a true fucking comedian.”

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For listeners wanting a wild, uncensored, and often surprisingly heartfelt night of comedy, this is truly a Kill Tony for the ages.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network.

[B]

This episode of Kill Tony and every

[A]

episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe.

[B]

You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever.

[A]

Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[C]

Hey, this is Redbit coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcock.

[A]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yep, we've done it again. Make some noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

What?

[A]

The super likable co host of Kill Time, Tony. And one more time for the best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen. Holy. This is Kill Tony. Brought to you by Talk Space Prize picks and Tacobas. That's the great Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, and Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Behind me, the great John Dees on the keys. And believe it or not, live in the flesh. That is D madness, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

The energy in this room is unbelievable. The air conditioner is working. It is a beautiful 71 degrees in this room tonight and we have an amazing episode for you. I'm so excited about it. I'm in a really good mood. Before we get started, here's a little

[A]

bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Wow. Well. Well, we are.

[D]

We are, by all measurements, the number one comedy show in the world right now.

[A]

Colbert is out. Howard Stern is out. It's us. 12 and a half years, every Monday and yet I've never had one of

[D]

the guests that's on tonight's show. And I've always wanted this guest.

[A]

The other guest has famously been on

[D]

numerous times and leads the all time

[A]

record of walkouts by a guest during a taping of the show. What a chemistry match we have here tonight.

[D]

Two comedy legends.

[A]

One, one of the biggest comedy movie

[D]

stars of all time. Two, literally one of the biggest comedy television show stars of all time, famous for being on the number one comedy show of all time.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you our guests, Rob Schneider and Donnell Rawlings. Yeah.

[C]

Let's fucking go. Rob Schneider. Donnell.

[A]

Yes, yes, absolutely. Donnell. Donnell Rawlings. The Donnell Rawlings show available Everywhere. Rob Schneider is on tour. RobSchneider.com Rob, welcome, welcome, welcome. Fresh off of Happy Gilmore 2. Rob motherfucking Schneider. Thank you, Tony. You can do it.

[E]

Number one show in the world.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You did it. You did it. How exciting is this? We've always wanted Rob on the show, and we got him looking stunning tonight. We win for us.

[D]

Dressed up for us. We love it.

[A]

Rob, welcome to the Kill.

[D]

Tonight.

[E]

I got this at Neiman Marcus in the gay bull fighting section. Fits, though, right?

[A]

I love it.

[D]

That's my favorite section at Neiman Marcos.

[A]

Everybody knows it. Donnell Rawlings is.

[C]

I don't want to fucking be here.

[A]

The walk off king of the show.

[B]

Let me say something.

[C]

You did that.

[B]

And you don't give a fuck about black lives.

[C]

Oh, my God, he gave me a shirt.

[B]

Is black lives do not fucking matter on this show.

[C]

And this is a funny thing.

[B]

We started as good friends.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had a situation, right? Where people say I crashed out.

[C]

You was one of the motherfuckers.

[B]

You was one of the motherfuckers. And they been torturing me for the last fucking five years. Yeah, they said that. You even came on my podcast and said I was Christopher walking off the show.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

These. I love y', all, but y' all

[B]

at the same time don't give a.

[A]

Tell them what else I called you on that episode. Your favorite one. What did I call you?

[B]

What? I can't remember.

[A]

I called you Dave's.

[B]

Oh, no. And this is my friend. He said.

[C]

Dave Chappelle's butt plug.

[A]

I called him Dave Chappelle.

[C]

What the was that about?

[A]

That's a good one. Yeah. That's what we call that. That's a good one right there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm telling you, these motherfuckers don't give a fuck about me.

[D]

Yeah,

[C]

why you laughing, nigga? You don't give a fuck about me either, son. And I'm a father.

[B]

I love being a father.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I dealt with these Kill Tony fans for the last fucking four years. Yeah, they keep fucking with me, Tony. They don't give a fuck that I'm a father. I'm a black man.

[C]

What the fuck is that?

[B]

We're not gonna do this.

[C]

So listen, these motherfuckers are so fucking ruthless.

[B]

I posted a video of a core moment in my son's life. I'm teaching him how to ride a fucking bike. Right, Rob? And then somebody, one of your fucking fans, says a good thing. He taught him how to ride a bike so he can walk out of his life instead of rolling out.

[A]

Tell him about that.

[D]

Tell him about the top 10 video on YouTube.

[B]

Oh, no. This is what you did for me. Thank you for the engagement, everybody. But you notice he's the biggest name in comedy right now. So his shorts. Fucking kill, right? So I was like this. Oh, I just googled myself one day and I wanted to see how people felt about me, right? I was like, I know they loved the episode when I did with David Lucas. I got his standovation. I know that. I was like, I'm gonna put Tony Hinchcliffe, Kill Tony and Donnell Rollins in a search engine and see what happens. You know the thing that popped up? This is the first thing that popped up. The 10 worst guests in Kill Tony history. And I'm letting y' all know, I'm

[C]

proud to say, Ric Flair, I'm number one. I'm number one bitching.

[F]

Woo.

[A]

So there you have it.

[C]

Don't care about me, Tony.

[D]

No, I care so much.

[C]

You care about this much.

[B]

You don't really care about him.

[D]

I heard the green roll.

[B]

You had a 20 minute conversation.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is your friend. You said, red. How can we make you more likable? More likable?

[A]

No one knows about this.

[C]

And I looked, I said, ah, it's not gonna happen. Okay, but this is all about for me.

[D]

What is that?

[C]

Is that a siren?

[B]

Because I'm a black man on this panel.

[A]

Oh, it's a fire truck. Because when you walked off that one

[D]

time, we have pictures.

[C]

I said, I walked off.

[B]

I removed myself from the situation.

[A]

All right. With your feet. Therefore, it was a walk off. So Rob Schneider is here. The number one ranked worst guest of all time, Donnell Rawlings is here. It is Rob's first time. So if you don't know Rob, over

[D]

300 people signed up for the chance to be on this show tonight.

[A]

No doubt about it.

[D]

They are on a at a bar next door. If I pull one of these names and hand it off to our trusty assistant Colt over here, he goes and wrangles the person. They're backstage. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted to impress us with their hopefully standup comedy talent. And you know their time is up. When you're the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then. Or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview with them. We all have fun together. The entire thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's Fucking show.

[A]

Well, here we go. Your first minute tonight, while we go wrangle that first bucket pool, is from an illustrious golden ticket winner, one of the best golden ticket winners in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute from the great and powerful Martin Phillips, everybody. Here we go.

[G]

Cool. You know, a lot of comedians where they. They do jokes, they get at the end, but I don't always have a drummer, so I use a harmonica. So here we go. I stay at hotels. Nice hotels can be expensive. It's like, dang, $400. The prostitute was 800. I'm losing money. I like soda. My favorite soda is Sprite with cough syrup in a quiet taste like, sure, I'm fucked up, but I don't have a cold. I take my dog places. He's not an assistant dog, but, you know, a guy like me, you know what's gonna question it. But I think I could bring any animal with me, you know, I think they'd be like, oh, yes, that raccoon helps him. Yes, he has hands.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Martin Phillips has done it again. He has a brand new harmonica.

[D]

This is brand new.

[G]

Guess what? I don't know how to play harmonica.

[A]

Wow.

[G]

No experience.

[D]

Wow. I wouldn't have guessed that. You sounded fantastic. Oh, thanks. Some type of.

[G]

I think if you add cocaine, it's Uncle Laser.

[D]

Hey, that's true.

[B]

Can you imagine doing cocaine with him? The cocaine will be everywhere. All right, who's ready?

[A]

No way.

[D]

No way.

[C]

Who's ready to hit this shit right here?

[A]

Okay,

[C]

no disrespect. Do you have a girlfriend?

[B]

I know you got a girlfriend. You know why? Cause I'm watching you, and your fingers was just going crazy.

[C]

He was like this, I want to make you come.

[B]

He sound like Audrey Hepburn or Golden Pond.

[C]

I want to make you come Take this finger bitch into this line of cocaine.

[G]

Hey, Darnell, how about you take a walk?

[C]

All right, all right, I will. I will take a walk. If you walk with me. It'll take 30 minutes to get out this goddamn building. Something's got a hold on me lately.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Funny stuff, though, brother. Very funny stuff.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[E]

You.

[D]

That was fantastic, Martin.

[E]

Very funny. Yeah.

[D]

My favorite part of that diss on

[A]

Donnell was that you called him Darnell.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Yeah, no, he did. He said Darnell.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

It's funny. Last episode, I thought I was disappointed in my admitted. I thought I was kind of mad. The episode just dropped. I was looking at reviews. Turns out nobody could understand me anyway, so I was like, okay, Cool. Okay. I'm still good.

[H]

Ken.

[B]

When I say something, Tony.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Even I know that's a joke. But what I understand about you, just watching you, the passion that you have for comedy. I know it's not easy to come up here to deal with the things that you deal with life and still want to put a smile on people's faces and have a good time. So whatever. We could crack jokes, whatever. But I respect that, see it in your face. And I see. I could just tell how hard you go. So I talk to you.

[A]

Good job. Yeah.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[E]

I thought that it was really funny. And I would have chosen instead of raccoon, a ferret.

[I]

Okay.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And then I think it. I think it, you know, as a closer, you can just think of. I'm just a suggestion. You could pull the ferret out of your ass at the very end, you

[J]

know,

[E]

as a closer. You don't want to do that early because then you can't follow it.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And then you also have a ferret with shit all over it, which is another problem. These are just ideas. You don't have to use any of them. I won't take it personally. Yeah, you just. It's up to you. I've just put it out there. You know what I'm saying?

[G]

You're still dressed like a male gigolo.

[E]

I normally charge $10, but I'm willing to negotiate.

[C]

Shake.

[A]

That's a huge.

[C]

You got you.

[G]

You had sex with the grip lady in the. In the movie.

[A]

The.

[G]

The w. Leg lady.

[K]

So.

[G]

Yeah, yeah, it's like, you know, you were early outly, I guess, even though you didn't like that she had one wig.

[A]

But it was the movie.

[E]

I originally wrote it. I wasn't sure if she had one leg or a penis. I wasn't sure. That was really way ahead if you think about it.

[G]

Now I have both legs and a penis.

[D]

Martin, you are absolutely on fire.

[A]

What a fucking way to start tonight's episode. Ungodamn believable. Make some goddamn noise one more time for Martin Phillips and we are off and running. Holy. Into the bucket we go. Oh, the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

See this how it starts, Tony?

[A]

That's how it starts. That's that walk off juice right there. Red Bull gives you wings. That gives Donnell legs. Your first bucket bowl tonight. You guys know how this works. If you don't, anything can happen. It could be a crazy person. It could be the next great talent of the show. It could literally be the next best comedian on planet Earth.

[D]

Or it could be someone that's put

[A]

no preparation into this whatsoever. Could be someone super stable.

[D]

Could be someone completely insane.

[A]

Anything can happen. There's no show like it. Your first person bucket pool of the night Getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds is Brandon Laruba. Brandon Laara.

[L]

What's going on, everybody? I got cut off by AO the other day, and I didn't know what slur to say at it, you know, like it was confusing, it was empty. But then it occurred to me that the whole time I've known about way mo's, they've always had slur energy. I go this waymo.

[C]

Then I was like, what type of

[L]

people is a waymo? And it kind of made sense. It's very fat people because they weigh mo than you. I lost about 60 pounds doing the keto diet, which you guys are in Austin. You know what the keto diet is? It's high fat, low carb, two Adderall a day, and you'll lose a lot of weight. I'm just saying it's like having to bacon egg in speed in the morning,

[E]

you know what I mean?

[L]

Worst part about being formerly very fat is the stretch marks don't go away. Despite this one demographic that's constantly, like, trying to weigh in, you know, formerly pregnant ladies, we like to call them moms. No, they're always like, brandon, cocoa butter makes the stretch marks go away. And I've eaten so much cocoa butter, and they're still there.

[M]

I'm done.

[A]

Thank you, Brandon. La carruba.

[D]

Am I saying that correctly?

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Is that Italian?

[M]

Italiano.

[D]

Are you 100 Italian?

[L]

75.

[D]

75. What's the other 25?

[L]

Ukrainian.

[A]

Whoa, look at that.

[L]

Oh, yeah, we got a Ukraine in the.

[D]

I don't understand why that 75% Italian

[A]

just doesn't completely take over that simple 25% Ukrainian. You know what I mean? Such an easy pushover.

[B]

He did a minute on Waymo jokes and half these already know what waymo is. I was expecting you to have way more jokes than that. But,

[D]

Brandon, how long you been doing stand up?

[L]

Six years and change.

[D]

Six years and change. Where at? Where you from?

[L]

Long Island. You know, for five years. Moved out here about a year ago.

[D]

Nice.

[L]

Got on last October and just been having a good time.

[I]

I love it.

[D]

What do you do for a living?

[L]

I am a professional game show host.

[C]

Wow.

[L]

Yeah.

[A]

What kind of game?

[L]

Shout out, Game on atx, my employer, they do survey style games and wheel word puzzle style games. The last time I was on, I said, what we're directly based on. And I almost got in trouble, so.

[D]

Okay.

[L]

It's cool. It's a dream job. X rated Family Feud questions are. They're really fun. Nice.

[D]

That sounds like fun. So that happens at, like, bars and stuff?

[L]

No, it's a brick and mortar. A lot of, like, company, like, team building exercises and then a lot of bachelorette parties and people at night and, you know, just hanging out. It's a fun thing.

[D]

What's the craziest thing that's ever happened at one of these tapings of yours,

[L]

I was producing for a game and someone threw a mostly full beer can at the person that was hosting. And then that baller was like, nah, we're gonna keep going. We're not kicking them out. We're not ruining this person's birthday. That was. That was. That was pretty ridiculous. A lot of people make their name tags because you gotta have, like, a fake pretend game show name. A lot of people make their name like a slur.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

A racial slur.

[L]

Oh, no, the other. The other type.

[B]

I'm just checking. Yeah, the regular ones. N word doesn't mean neighbor. Okay, go ahead.

[L]

No, we've recently had to start screening people for the N word specifically.

[A]

Sorry about that.

[E]

Did I laugh too?

[C]

Are you really?

[E]

Did I laugh too hard at that? First of all, you're very professional. You could tell that you have very good your voice. You're very confident up there. Now, you don't have to end with this. It's just a suggestion. But you could. You could have a ferret come out of your ass. I'm just putting it out there now. These are just professional suggestions, but I want to thank you. I want to thank you. And I do think they're for not showing your stretch marks, because I do think there was a curiosity, at least from this side of the room.

[B]

No Diddy. No Diddy. No Diddy. But I mean, I dare you.

[E]

I'm just saying these are just suggestions. This is my first time on the show, so I don't know how far I'm supposed to go with these.

[A]

I love it. I love it. Rob Schneider, by the way, is on tour. I don't want to give away what his closer might be, but tickets are robschneider.com pretty sure you can watch a pull a ferret out of his ass. I'm like 85% sure right now that show ends with a bang, dude.

[L]

So Rob is on my soundboard at work. I'm sure you can imagine what the button is. That's the you can do it button. And it's cool to meet you, man.

[E]

It's Adam Sandler's calling. I don't know.

[B]

What's the button?

[L]

No, you can do it.

[A]

Oh, you can do it.

[B]

Okay.

[M]

That was cool.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[L]

Right on.

[M]

Thank you for that.

[A]

Hey, thank you.

[E]

Very good, man.

[A]

All right, guys. Brandon, wake her ass up.

[E]

We go to WI tomorrow.

[A]

Brandon, what do you do for fun?

[D]

Tell us something crazy about your life or something. You're in the interview part of kil, Tony. You've had some time to think about it since last October.

[L]

Yeah, for sure. I. I'm a huge dork. Like, I love. I love anime. I love Transformers. I got a little Autobot.

[D]

Whoa, there. Okay.

[L]

I play Smash Brothers for money.

[D]

Wow.

[L]

This is fun. Yeah. A lot of women.

[B]

Smash Brothers sound like something in Atlanta.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

From 3.

[C]

Get this ferret out of my ass.

[L]

By A lot of fun this weekend. I was working on a friend's show called the Hamburger Club Comedy Game show at the Creek in the Cave.

[D]

Okay.

[L]

And had to shout them out. It's a great format, super fun. They'll be back in Austin for sure.

[D]

Okay. Well, there you go.

[L]

I'm sorry. It was just the best comedy thing I was a part of in a long time. It's cool.

[E]

You're a pro. You've got the great technique, great mic technique. I think you should dress up. I'm not saying gay bullfighter for you necessarily.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

But I think, you know, that would

[B]

be a good thing.

[L]

You do a button down.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Thank you.

[L]

I appreciate that.

[C]

Very.

[L]

No, appreciate.

[E]

Real pro, man. You're going to do great.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's like a free T shirt that you got from a Green Lawn family

[A]

restaurant where they don't sell these.

[L]

I had to ask for this from my favorite diner before I moved out of New York. And I was.

[D]

You are the shout out king. Can I tell you that?

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[L]

If they see one extra customer from this, I would be very surprised.

[E]

No, it's just wearing something that, you know, gives the audience the feeling that you give a fuck, you know, is one of the things. I mean, that's.

[C]

What can I add?

[B]

Can I rob. Can I add to that? And I agree with you 100%. Right. Like, the way you look. And I was gonna wear a suit today. Right.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, just because as comedians, we got the flexibility to do whatever we want. A lot of times people dress down. But I understand what you're saying about the importance of it. But I didn't want to wear a suit because I didn't want people like this. He's probably gonna walk off and go to court in that same suit. So that's the only reason.

[A]

No doubt about it. Brandon, did you get a big joke

[D]

book last time you were on?

[A]

A little one.

[D]

Well, guess what, Brandon?

[A]

Hey, a little upgrade for you. It's a big one, Brandon. La Carruba was your first bucket pool of the night. And here we go. We're playing with fire, pure momentum as we come into bucket pool number two.

[D]

We're gonna keep it moving right along.

[A]

This is a minute uninterrupted for Eric Bell, ladies and gentlemen, Eric Bell.

[N]

Any fans of foreplay in the crowd tonight? Yeah, I like a little bit of foreplay, guys. Ever heard of Irish dirty talk? Yeah, it's when you're both in bed, right, and she's already asleep, but you're having trouble getting to sleep, so you tap her gently on the shoulder and

[C]

say, are you awake?

[N]

And before she can answer, you're already in.

[B]

Hey, hey.

[N]

I also have a version of that for you ladies. Okay, ladies, if you're in bed with your man, he's falling asleep, but you're awake, he could just lean over to the side table, open the drawer, grab something out of it, tap him on the shoulder and say, are you awake? And before he answers, you're already inside him.

[A]

Okay, Eric Bell, ladies and gentlemen.

[D]

Listen, doing a special kind of.

[E]

I just want to say, I don't think a ferret wants to go in your asshole. First of all, that's 1, 2. I don't know if rape jokes are quite back yet, but it's an interesting area that could be opening soon. And you're there early. That's all I'm saying. Very early.

[A]

You have arrived early indeed to that one.

[D]

There is.

[B]

He looks like the poster boy for. What is that called?

[C]

Cuckold.

[B]

What is that?

[D]

Something like that.

[B]

Like you can my wife on her birthday. He just looks like the poster child for that guy.

[D]

That is some creepy material you have there, Eric Bell. How long you been doing standup?

[N]

Two years.

[D]

Where at?

[N]

Central Texas, Bell County.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You never heard of it?

[D]

Okay. And what do you do for work up there?

[B]

I am a medical courier.

[D]

What exactly does that mean?

[N]

Well, I drop off, I pick up medical specimens. Such as.

[B]

Gotta do this before I do my show. I got five minutes. Do it for Diddy Bad boys.

[A]

I think I have an image of

[D]

what you do for a living now. A courier, huh?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. How long you Been doing that for four months.

[E]

Four months?

[A]

Special delivery.

[H]

Am I at the right address?

[E]

I was just going off what you were doing. That wasn't mine. That was his.

[B]

That works for anything.

[D]

Four months of transporting bodily fluids. What were you doing before that? What were you doing five months ago?

[N]

Auto parts.

[A]

Auto parts.

[D]

Wow. It's all over the place. Oh, my God. What made you want to get into the medical courier business?

[N]

They just paid four bucks more an hour.

[D]

Okay.

[G]

Wow.

[D]

Were you a good mechanic?

[N]

I'm like a Z plus mechanic.

[D]

What does that mean?

[N]

I kind of met, like, I could change oils, rotors, brake pads, you know, just middling.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

How did you learn how to do all that? You have a dad growing up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yep.

[N]

Grandfather had a lot of antique cars and.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Are you ever transporting a kidney? Sometimes. And you go, you know what? I'm just gonna stop and have a beer first before I do it.

[N]

I did have a co worker that had to transport a human leg.

[O]

Whoa.

[D]

What was that for? Where were they taking the leg?

[N]

She didn't tell me. She quit.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

But she had one leg. She couldn't just walk off.

[E]

I think you got an area here for jokes that you can use, my friend, with your own life right there instead of, you know, with the wife putting something up the man's ass. Yeah.

[N]

Rape jokes. Thumbs down.

[D]

Yeah,

[E]

yeah, yeah. I think. I think the audience responded appropriately to that material.

[D]

Exactly. No means no.

[B]

Not really. You got some nos like this, Tony. No, I'm going right through that. No,

[D]

I don't. I. I still don't understand. Where were they taking this leg?

[E]

No, it's. First of all, it's no, is it? No, papi. No, papi. That's the difference.

[D]

Papi. No, papi.

[B]

That's a yes for me.

[C]

That's a yes.

[B]

That's a clear yes. And maybe even a little choking in there. Shout out to Shannon Shar.

[D]

Where were they taking this leg?

[A]

I can't get it off my mind.

[D]

Is there a leg transplant or something? I assume it was a leg transplant.

[N]

I assume it was.

[D]

Is that a thing? I've never heard of ice.

[N]

I mean, like I said, she. She quit, so I didn't get to hear the whole story.

[E]

No, that was a movie that they were bringing it over, one of my movies, Deuce Bigelow. We had to.

[A]

Like,

[D]

this is incomplete. Incredible. A leg. Yeah. Like, from the knee down. Do you know how big the leg was?

[N]

We didn't get into a lot of specific thigh involved.

[D]

Leg. Thigh.

[A]

I don't want to make Donnell, hungry over here, but leg thigh community.

[B]

That's called diabetes.

[E]

Leg thigh. Was there any waffles? Including with that waffles?

[N]

Rape jokes, but moderately racial jokes.

[D]

No. Your rape jokes are completely insane.

[A]

Our jokes are 100% fan approved. Your shit is frightening, dude.

[N]

I'll retire it.

[D]

It's unbelievable. Eric, tell us something crazy about your life before I get you out of here.

[N]

Okay, I'm a songwriter.

[A]

What kind of songs do you write?

[B]

Medical songs.

[A]

Rate me. Rate me. Hi, friend. Mostly songs.

[B]

She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. I said yes. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. I said yes. She said no. She said no.

[C]

She said no.

[B]

She said no.

[C]

I said, yeah,

[B]

man.

[D]

What kind of of songs do you write?

[B]

I don't.

[N]

Mostly songs about my ex.

[A]

Okay. Do you have a song about your

[D]

ex that you'd like to do right now?

[B]

Actually, this is.

[N]

We're gonna go for broke here. Yes, I do.

[D]

Okay.

[N]

I don't write my own music, though. None of that hack.

[D]

Why don't you. So what are you saying? What does that mean?

[N]

Well, I. I take already existing music and just kind of sing my own lyrics.

[C]

Just sing.

[D]

God damn.

[A]

Just do it. Ban. Don't play with them. Let him live. Die.

[B]

I'm in, neighbor. Sing, neighbor. That's.

[N]

How do you guys remember the music?

[A]

Just sing. Just sing the song. You and these questions.

[P]

My God.

[N]

All right, Tegan, this one's for you. To the tune of Lone Ranger, sing big. Suck a dick.

[J]

Suck a dick. Suck a big fat dick.

[I]

Suck a dick.

[J]

Suck a dick.

[A]

Suck a big fat dick. All right, I'm going to stop you right there. You don't write.

[D]

That's not.

[A]

That's not songwriting.

[B]

Oh, boo.

[A]

Here's a little joke book. Eric, congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket.

[D]

You were the second bucket pool of the night.

[A]

Eric Bell.

[D]

Congrats.

[A]

I want to do something fun right now. Donnell had an amazing opener with him all weekend, and we got to hang out. We had some drinks together and all of us were listening to music, having a good old time. I want to give this guy a little bit of stage time. Make some noise for the kill Tony debut of Adrian Washington, ladies and gentlemen.

[J]

Anybody got nieces and nephews? You don't know their real name? Like, I come from a big family. I got like 40 nieces and nephews that I know about, right? One of my sisters called me one day. She said, adrian, I'm running late. Can you swing by the school, pick the kids up for me. I said, yeah, sis, don't worry, I got you. I was excited cause they didn't know I was coming. So I wanted to surprise them. I got to the school and the principal was like, hey, who you here to get? I said, that is a very good question, sir. I said, I gotta step outside and make a phone call. Because I was like, there's no way I can tell this man. I'm here to pick up Fat Daddy and Boog. When I tell this motherfucker I'm picking up Fat Daddy and Boog, they gonna call CPS on my motherfucking ass. I walked outside, I called my sister. I said, hey, who are these niggas that I'm looking for? There was another time. I was coming off the road and my wife called me. She said, hey, what you want me to take out for dinner? I said, them titties, just like that. Didn't think twice. I heard my daughter say, aw, dad,

[A]

true story.

[J]

My wife said, yeah, you on speakerphone. I said, why you ain't say that when I answer the fucking phone? You know I ain't speakerphone material, right? But as a parent, you gotta try to fix it. So I was like, hey, put my

[B]

baby on the phone.

[J]

My daughter got on the phone all awkward and shit. She's like, yeah, dad. All I had was this, y'.

[C]

All.

[J]

I was like, hey, listen up. I said, one day somebody gonna say that shit to you. I said, we just hope you don't fucking live with us when it happens. Thank y' all very much.

[D]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

Adrian Washington, Fantastic. He's a pro out of the great state of Minnesota. Correct?

[D]

Adrian. Minnesota, right?

[A]

Yes.

[P]

Yes, sir.

[D]

Welcome, welcome. Yeah, Kill Tony Universe.

[A]

It's great that this is a. Donnell travels all around the world with his own stuntman.

[C]

I knew I shouldn't have wore these glasses.

[A]

Okay, I got ashes all over my head.

[C]

I'll walk the off. I'll do it.

[A]

Hey, I grabbed. I grabbed. I grabbed Donnell by the elbow. Now it looks like my hand is burned. You are the ashiest human.

[D]

Can we get some lotion?

[A]

Hi.

[D]

Do you have any lotion, Tony?

[J]

Here's the good part.

[B]

My preference is Rob Schneider.

[J]

Here's the good part. If Donnell walks off, I'll just take that seat. Your audience won't know the difference.

[A]

Let's check in with Rob, our chief Ferret correspondent.

[E]

Now, you're from Minnesota.

[J]

I'm originally from Mississippi, but Minnesota's been

[E]

home for a very long time. Minnesota. Yeah, it's Changed so much of the immigration. I mean, Minneapolis. Minneapolis has so many Haitians now, it doesn't even resemble Somalia anymore.

[J]

Rob's done his homework.

[A]

Yeah, they are.

[D]

You. You hang out with any of the Haitians at all?

[J]

Nah, I. Like, I understand. They scare us too. White people just.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[E]

They're.

[A]

They're not.

[E]

They're not eating pets, the Haitians, but they are considering it.

[D]

So what's going on in life up there, Adrian Washington?

[B]

I'm. I'm.

[J]

We. We empty nesters now, man. Like, so we just fuck wherever we want to. So I love that part. Like, yeah, Everybody's like, is it weird not having your kids home?

[Q]

Fuck no.

[J]

I don't fuck with my kids like that.

[A]

Wow.

[J]

Kids.

[B]

Think we need them.

[J]

My daughter said something smart to me one day, and I said, I'll fuck you up. And she was like, ooh, you gonna go to jail too? I was like, guess we've been to jail before, bitch. That's what they need to know.

[D]

I was just admiring D Madness doing his Don L. Rawlings impression there for.

[A]

I don't know if you guys saw that, but he'll be chilling outside of the fire department in no time.

[B]

This is called bullying now, Tony. This is abusive. And enough is a enough.

[D]

Okay, Adrian, I love it. So all your kids are fully grown?

[J]

Yeah, my youngest just turned 18, man, just got his license. He's graduated on the Dean's list. I got a son that'll be fucking 30 next week.

[D]

Wow. So they're all out of the house?

[J]

All out of the house, bro. My daughter lives a little too close, so she thinks she can just swing by anytime. I'm like, get that key up, motherfucker.

[B]

I gotta call you before I come

[J]

to your house, but you can just swing over anytime. My wife's super dope. I've just made 11 years married, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah, I got a fucking dog who changed my life five years ago. So, like, I love him way more than I love the kids. It's dope.

[D]

That happens. That happens. What do you do for fun, Adrian?

[J]

Comedy, man. Like, just live, like, honestly, like, I'm. I'm getting up there, man. And I've been doing this for a long time. So this is super dope. Because where I live, there wasn't comedy, so I started comedy where I live at. You know what I mean? I started my own company. That's actually how I met Donnell. I booked him to come there, and I actually met Redband like, eight Nine years ago. And I ended up hosting for him at a club.

[A]

He's the best thing in Minneapolis or Minnesota.

[J]

I appreciate that, bro.

[B]

Is he more interested to you? It was just a question.

[A]

I love it.

[D]

How do people find more of your work, Adrian?

[J]

I'm on Instagram at Funnyman Adrian W. That's funny man. Adrian W. There's some other who just want to be funny man Adrian. You gotta put a W on him. And I got a My. This is my company, One Mic Entertainment. So my website's on here. Funnyman adrian.com. man, Austin, you guys have been dope.

[A]

Hell, yeah. Great stuff.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Make some noise for Adrian Washington, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next one we go. Back to the Bucket. No. Come on. No. Oh, my goodness.

[C]

They really didn't know the difference.

[A]

It is incredible. The resemblance is striking.

[C]

Stop it.

[A]

Y' all really do look alike. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen.

[D]

Back to the Bucket we go.

[A]

Make some noise for Jose Ayala, everybody. Jose.

[I]

Yo, what up, Kill Ton.

[C]

How you guys doing?

[I]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. I'm pretty happy. Even though.

[D]

Yeah.

[I]

Even though I don't look too happy, you know, I'm pretty happy.

[J]

Yeah.

[I]

Yeah. I've been dating a lot lately, you know. I've been dating a lot of Latinas, you know? You guys with Latinas? Yeah. Yeah, I. I just. I date Latinas only not because I'm a traditional Mexican. I just like the way their mustache tickles my mustache when we kiss. That shit's dope as. You feel me? No, just me.

[M]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

You feel me?

[D]

Yeah.

[I]

No, no. Yeah. It. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[I]

It reminds me of home. It really does. You feel me? Yeah. I miss my dad, you know? Yeah. My dad hates me telling that joke. He tells me all the time. He tells me, hey, Jose, can you stop telling that joke? But he tells me in Spanish so it sounds more passionate. So he goes, jose, you know. And I go, of course you can. Of course I can. Stop telling that joke. But you gotta stop biting my lip when we kiss. Me.

[M]

Yeah.

[I]

He's leaving marks the. You know.

[E]

All right.

[I]

My name is Jose Yala. You guys been wonderful.

[A]

Jose Ayala, welcome.

[D]

Have you been on this show before, Jose?

[I]

No, never been on.

[D]

Welcome, welcome. You are sweating bullets, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Look at you.

[I]

First time.

[D]

Amazing.

[B]

He must think it's about to be an ice raid up here. Home Depot's been vacant for the last six months. Come on.

[D]

Amazing stuff, Jose. How long you been on stand up?

[I]

Three years.

[D]

Three years. What do you do for work?

[I]

I'm a Bartender, actually.

[D]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Believable.

[D]

Believable, huh? Yeah. Here on 6th Street?

[I]

Yeah, I'm at Tears Shop Bar down the street.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[I]

Yeah, they said I get $100 if I call them out, you know, so.

[A]

Wow, look at that. Amazing.

[I]

I'm sorry. I fucking need the money.

[A]

It's okay.

[E]

Serious question, Jose, are you sweating because you're nervous tonight performing in this, the number one show on YouTube, or are you smuggling drugs in your ass?

[B]

Both.

[D]

Follow up question, are the drugs stuffed inside of a ferret?

[I]

He got up there somehow.

[A]

Yeah, you're damn right, buddy. You're damn right.

[E]

I think. I think I just can say, Tony, that incest jokes apparently are back.

[A]

That means we're right around the corner from, from, From Eric Bell being the best comedian in the world. We are just coming around the corner.

[D]

Cheers Shot Bar, by the way, has

[A]

some one star reviews like you could never believe. This is a little segment on this show that we call Tony Reed's Yelp Reviews.

[D]

You know, Cheers is one of those bars, let me just tell you. Sixth street is massive. Austin famously has more bars per capita than any city anywhere in the world. And Cheers is one of those places that I've seen, seen the sign 2 billion times and I've never gone in there. I have no idea what goes on in there and probably for good reason. I have a lot of friends in this city that were here before me and they've never recommended it to me. I'm going to read some one star reviews.

[A]

Let it begin.

[D]

This is David S. Visiting from California. Says in all capital letters fraud.

[A]

Make sure to check your question credit card statement. 18% gratuity was included in the bill

[D]

and they had the courage to write

[A]

in an additional tip when I crossed it off. Do not go to this bar.

[I]

That sounds like me. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Whoops.

[I]

I mean, I mean, allegedly. Allegedly sounds like me, right? It could be anybody.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Diego Z.

[D]

From the University of Texas says, absolutely abysmal experience. Bartender got us in by offering free shots of Buchanans, in which I took him up on his offer. The is Buchanans. I've never even heard of that. Like bad whiskey or something?

[I]

No, it's tequila, but it's.

[A]

Yeah, it's top shelf tequila called Buchanans Tequila. Named after a white guy.

[B]

It's Buchanas.

[A]

Oh, okay. When you say it like that, it's totally different. I'm just reading the writing here. It really needs your accent. They need those little Latino accent marks over this. Buchanans.

[D]

Free shot of Buchanans.

[A]

Free shots Of Buchanans.

[D]

You see the difference there? Anyway, I took him up on his offer. Later in that same evening, I went to the bathroom and he followed me

[A]

in and accused me of offering cocaine to other patrons.

[D]

I was threatened and escorted out. I was the only Hispanic male in the establishment and felt racially targeted. If you see a single 6 foot 4, 225 pound male.

[B]

That's him, that's him.

[A]

Bartender with a beard.

[D]

Don't go in if you're Hispanic. You would think that an Austin establishment would be more progressive in their offerings to non natives, but sadly this is not the case. Save your money and go to a much better establishment such as Eisenhower's or Peckerheads.

[A]

What the fuck? These are all bars I've never heard

[D]

of and I have a drinking problem. So that's very interesting. Much better crowds with bartenders that aren't on a personal vendetta. The power trip.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Okay, let's see what we got here.

[A]

Maybe one more.

[D]

Oh, wow, this is great. Okay.

[I]

I really need this job, Tony.

[A]

Oh my God. I gotta tell you this one.

[D]

We're going back.

[A]

We're going to March 2020 here.

[D]

Let's go back in time. Joanne L. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania says, walked by bouncer sees we're Asian and yells, come on in, no coronavirus here.

[A]

Then proceeds to offer us kamikaze shots.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

How long have you worked at this establishment?

[I]

Only nine months.

[A]

Only nine months.

[D]

Absolutely incredible.

[I]

I hope to continue too.

[B]

Oh, it's over, Brock. This is it.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

It's so hard to say goodbye.

[D]

A below says in all capital letters, racist staff. This is the worst place that I've come to on 6th Street. The bartender denied services to me and my friend for no reason. We are two educated, well groomed Latinos.

[A]

Why does everybody have to say their race when compared to complaining? It's like everything has to be racially charged.

[D]

We asked if there was a bar at the Rooftop and the bartender said no, the Rooftop is closed and will be open at 8:30. Meanwhile, there were a lot of customers upstairs having drinks. When I went inside and asked him why he lied to us, he didn't have a word to say and his face looked really dumb and stupid.

[A]

I still like to think this is you.

[D]

All right, let me read one more here. Let's see if we got one more. Wait, what was that?

[E]

The Kamikazes does sound kind of racist. But there's another drink at that establishment called Me so Horny, which also.

[A]

Hold on, go back.

[E]

Two parts gin, one part soda.

[D]

All right, one last one. Let's see if there's any newer ones. Where's the newest one at? Okay. Four girls got their phones stolen last

[A]

night out of their purses and pockets.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

$10 for a Smirnoff Ice.

[A]

Okay, that's enough.

[D]

What do you think the worst part of Cheers Bar is? You're the one getting side cash out of them.

[I]

Oh. All right. The atmosphere kind of sucks.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Perfect.

[D]

Not.

[I]

No, it's. I'm not gonna lie. It's kind of dumpy in there. I'm not gonna. Yeah, it's. It's.

[B]

It's.

[I]

It's. I work there and I have to see it every day. Dude, come on.

[B]

You know he's gonna be collecting medical specimens after this, right?

[A]

Ski?

[I]

Well, I'm.

[A]

I'm hon.

[I]

I'm answering honestly, you know, like, what can I do?

[B]

Well, honesty is gonna get you fired, but it's.

[I]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.

[E]

It hasn't helped me in my life at all.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

It's a great place, guys. All right.

[D]

You do drugs, Jose the sweat. I've never really seen anybody.

[I]

No, I'm just like you. I'm just naturally sweaty.

[D]

Okay. You're always like this.

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Do you have your green card?

[I]

Yes, I do, actually. I was born here, actually.

[D]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

No, go ahead.

[B]

I just say you just look like you still can be rated, but I.

[E]

I guess it's okay if black people do it. Yeah. It's not never racist. They can't be racist. They're black. So none of that can be interpreted as racist because they're incapable of being racist, as, you know, because they're black. Or as my Asian mother would say, black.

[B]

You know, Rob, I own a black ferret, too. I just want.

[A]

We'll be right back after these messages.

[D]

Jose Ayala, you're leaving here with a

[A]

medium sized joke book. Ladies and gentlemen, Jose Ayala. We're having fun here tonight. There goes Jose. Absolutely soaking wet. Oh, look, it's the lovely Heidi. Look what she has. That's real lotion, everybody. Real lotion. With these elbows. I mean. I mean, Rob Schneider's doing some of his famous lines from movies, and Donnell is doing real life. Ashy Larry. Oh, my goodness. What an amazing moment in the history of the show. Look at that one, Heidi. I mean, it is absolutely.

[C]

Oh, we got.

[A]

Can we get a little. Can we get a. Can we get a little on Rob's nipple there? Yeah. This is the number one show in comedy right now. And this is what it takes to.

[D]

This is what it takes.

[A]

A powerful white woman. Unashing Donnell. Rob Schneider's nipple. Getting a little residual residue. You gotta love it. Anything can happen.

[D]

This is kill Tony.

[A]

Back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, as we get a minute uninterrupted, this looks like a new name. Make some noise for David Womble Jr. Here we go.

[R]

I'm a single dad. My daughter is 14 years old, just finished 9th grade. The entire year. I was afraid of one thing. I was afraid that the upperclassmen are going to try to fuck my daughter. One day she came home, she said, dad, this guy came up to me and he asked me if he could hit it. And I thought to myself, in ninth grade, pretty good line. But I had my dad hat on. So I said, how did it make you feel? She said, very uncomfortable. She said, can you tell me some things to get these guys up off me? I said, absolutely. I said, tell them your daddy is going to rip their dick off. Now, children never say what you tell them to say. Couple of months go by, she comes back, she goes, dad, I got something to tell you. Dad. The dude came up and asked if he'd hit it again, but this time I did what you said. I looked him right in his face and I said, my daddy is gonna

[B]

bite your dick off.

[R]

I said, wait, who ever said bite? And I be at the school every now and then and I fuck with the kids.

[B]

I'll be like, I'll bite the.

[R]

Thank y' all very much.

[A]

David Womble Jr. What's up? Tony, welcome.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

Rob Schneider, what'd you think about that?

[E]

Underage sex jokes are back. I think that's a confirmation.

[D]

We have our finger on the pulse tonight of what's happening in comedy. Incest jokes.

[A]

Back.

[D]

Underage sex, Back rape. Not quite yet. That's what's great about this show. You can really see see what's happening in the world. David Womble Jr. Have you. You've been on before, correct?

[R]

Absolutely.

[D]

And this went much better, if I remember correctly. Am I correct?

[E]

You're good.

[R]

You're correct.

[D]

Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I'm correct. Okay, David Womble Jr. Tell us, how long you been doing stand up?

[R]

Seven years.

[D]

Seven years. Okay, where at?

[R]

Started in Colorado Springs, then in Tampa and then now here.

[D]

Okay, how long have you lived here?

[R]

A year and seven months.

[D]

How do you make a living?

[R]

I'm an IT technician.

[D]

Wow, look at that. You don't really see that with your people very often.

[A]

No, Donnell?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, my favorite thing right now is Donnell's fresh elbows are leaving a little pile of moisture creases.

[B]

Sit on.

[A]

Popeye bag.

[O]

How you going to let him say that to you, dog?

[B]

What about that?

[R]

Never.

[D]

What you say?

[R]

I said, how you going to let him say that about us, dog?

[B]

It's a. Joe, you just told a joke about eating another man dick.

[O]

I don't even know.

[B]

I don't know where they do that. I'm still street nigga. I still got a homophobia in me.

[C]

And he even did depression. I bit his dick like. And then you like, yo, how you going to tell him to talk about that? You just chewed a dick off on the kill, Tony.

[D]

It's true. It's true. It is true.

[E]

You know other people will see this, right?

[B]

And they're going to want their dicks chewed off, too.

[D]

David, what do you do for fun? Tell us more about your life.

[R]

Play racquetball.

[D]

You play racquetball? Wow, you people really don't do that often.

[A]

This guy, if I told you, if I told his dating profile just, I work in I. T. And I like playing racquetball. That is the last face you would guess would be behind that avatar, but it makes sense.

[B]

You like chewing dicks and playing racquetball? They go together, son.

[A]

You guys usually make a lot of racket, but playing racquetball, but that's a whole different thing. What do you say after this game

[E]

we chew some dicks? What do you guys feel about that?

[C]

Ferrets. Ferrets. Ferrets.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I love it. Racquetball.

[R]

Yeah.

[D]

Wow. Yeah, my goodness.

[F]

Wow.

[S]

What else?

[D]

Tell us more about you, you whitest black guy ever. Racquetball.

[A]

It.

[R]

I lived in Japan for four years.

[D]

You lived in a van for four years?

[R]

Japan.

[A]

Oh, that's wow again. I mean,

[E]

just throwing it out there. Maybe not a dancer either.

[A]

Wow, I could dance.

[E]

My buddy Ace Henderson, who we did comedy with, not much of a dancer, similar situation.

[B]

He chewed dicks.

[R]

Have no idea who that is, but.

[D]

All right, so you can dance. Let me ask you you this, David, this is a little segment that we've done before.

[B]

Do not make a black man d. Thank you.

[A]

No, no, no, don't do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

[B]

Don't suggest.

[A]

I'm not going to do it. Okay. I'm not going to do it unless he wants to. But I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm going to just ask. No don't. Don't give him a dance.

[D]

Don't give him

[A]

s. Shake it up.

[C]

Uhoh.

[A]

Here we go. Hey.

[C]

Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Chew that dick. Ch that dick.

[E]

David Womble Jr. No biting of any dicks happened.

[B]

No ferrets were harmed in that dance.

[D]

David Womble Jr. So you're a junior.

[R]

Yeah.

[D]

Are you close with your father?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Another white trait.

[L]

Yeah.

[B]

That was not cool, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

We're having fun here.

[M]

For sure.

[D]

We're having fun here.

[B]

Yeah.

[R]

My dad was in the military. That's why we were in Japan.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I was in the military. Did you know that?

[R]

Yeah, I did not.

[B]

Yeah, I was in the air force for four years.

[R]

Yeah, that's what's up. Thank you for your service.

[B]

I used to. Thank you. I used to. I used to be a military police. I used to curse out the. I had a Korean police friend of mine, right? And we would teach each other different languages and out language and we would get mad at each other. We would curse each other out, right? I would curse him out in broken Korean and he would curse me out in broken English and I would light this up. I'd be like, I don't know what I said, but I said that. And he would curse me out in all the black. He knew. He'd be like, shut the Newport mouth.

[H]

Wait,

[C]

you are lemon pepper chicken wings a your steak well done every day. You a baby father.

[A]

Oh my goodness.

[B]

That's what we did.

[A]

Tony, check in with Rob Schneider.

[E]

The brothers love Japan and Korea. They do. When I was there, I was with it with performing for the troops and. But I did say very hard working people, Asians. And as I'm half Asian, I can say we're very hardworking Koreans. A little lazy, to be honest with you. No, no, you go to the Korean barbecue. You know, Korean barbecue. You know, you go in the.

[A]

Oh, I walk up to Korean barbecue.

[B]

Welcome to Korean Babako.

[E]

Here you go, the. The special, the top sirloin.

[B]

Very good marbling. Very good marbling.

[E]

I said, okay, get the tops. And then two minutes later they come back and it's like, dude, this is raw meat. What is this? Oh, yes, you cook it, you cook it, you cook it, you cook it. Hey, I'm going out to dinner. I'm spending a hundred bucks with my wife. You cook it, you cook it, you cook it, you know, so Late. I'd hate to go to a Korean whorehouse.

[C]

Come on in. Oh, rao Ralph, this is the room.

[E]

You suck your own dick. You suck it, you suck it, you suck it. Then you come over here.

[B]

I gotta say this, me being in Korea. Do you know how to say how much for the pussy in Korean?

[D]

How do you say.

[C]

This is how you say it.

[B]

You say poji o my yo, that's how much for the pussy. But you can't be like poji o myo. You gotta be like, poji o my.

[D]

Oh,

[C]

and how.

[B]

I'm hungry. That's like, I'm hungry and I'm gonna eat now if you want me. This haiku pekapo money, poji muka. That means I'll eat the pussy. That's what it means.

[C]

Shout out to all the Koreans out there.

[E]

Donnell, my story was a joke. Not actually in a whorehouse. You were in a whorehouse in Korea.

[C]

I was 18 years old.

[E]

I was making a joke about a whorehouse and they thought it was funny. They didn't want to actually hear an experience of a man in a whorehouse fucking whores like you did.

[B]

Anyway, I didn't fuck whores. I participated. Okay, never mind.

[A]

He definitely fucked when Donnell was 18 years old.

[E]

It was a cross cultural experience. I get it. My kids and there was money and fluids exchanged.

[R]

My kids are half Asian. Their grandma's going to hate this.

[D]

Your kids are half Asian?

[R]

Yeah.

[D]

Wow. So your baby mama is Korean?

[R]

She's Thai.

[D]

Wow, okay. Yeah. Poor boy.

[R]

Don't get that when they play it back.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

No, I get Asian. Grandmother ever eat the dick?

[R]

She got to America, so obviously she ate somebody's dick.

[C]

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

[A]

I don't know if you guys know

[D]

this, but when Donell was in Korea, he was part of a cooking show called Walk Off.

[R]

I like that.

[A]

W. Okay.

[C]

Do you remember?

[A]

Oh, you can. The walk of the walk.

[E]

Me so horny.

[D]

David Womble Jr. Fun times, my friend.

[A]

And. And it's amazing to watch your growth. I remember for a fact that's a better set than before. David Womble Jr. Getting better, ladies and gentlemen. That's what it's all about. All right, this is going to be a fun one. This young lady is what we call kill. Tony Famous, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long awaited return of the one and only Juanita. Everybody. Juanita is back.

[K]

In Any. Any Catholics in the house?

[F]

New pope? Yeah.

[E]

No.

[K]

I didn't grow up religious, so it was very strange when in 2006 I dropped out of high school. And to hide it from my mom I joined a touring Catholic ministry. They made me pray to themes. One of which was queen. I'll show you guys. You're gonna have to help me a little bit.

[C]

Okay? Jesus was a cool dude.

[F]

40 days without food. Giving his life for the golden rule. He died in our place. Amazing grace Spreading his love all over

[K]

the place singing we will, we will praise you.

[F]

Amen.

[K]

I did that for nine months.

[B]

I.

[K]

That's the gayest thing I've ever done. And I do anal. Believe it or not.

[D]

Juanita.

[A]

Welcome back to the show.

[B]

Y' all do a remix of that song for any black guy watching her right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We will. We will. You.

[D]

It's probably true until you find out she has a dick.

[A]

Donnell. That is a trip.

[E]

That's how it happens. Ladies and gentlemen. They can't tell.

[A]

No. Donnell.

[C]

Come back.

[E]

The brothers. The brothers can't tell. The brothers can't.

[C]

They will. They will. Will you?

[E]

They never.

[C]

The last place I was trying to be nice so you set me up son.

[E]

Johnel. The last place the brothers look apparently is the Adam's apple. Whereas white guys know that's the first place the white guys look.

[C]

You ruined me.

[D]

It is.

[A]

I'm. I'm say Charlamagne's going to find that clip. Have you on. We will. We will. You. You are. You are. Don. Now I'm getting word from the street being nice.

[C]

I knew it was something different. Son.

[E]

I'm sure this happened.

[C]

I don't want to get banned like Dave Chappelle.

[E]

Donnell. I'm sure this happened before in Korea. I'm sure in Korea as an 18 year old boy that this is a memory coming back to you.

[K]

This is usually how black guys react.

[A]

That's pretty.

[D]

Juanita. Have you been with a black man before?

[E]

No.

[D]

Okay. Are you just saying that so that he doesn't find you and kill you?

[K]

No. It's raised right. I'm just kidding.

[C]

I mean. That's a joke. It's a joke.

[A]

No.

[C]

I have been.

[K]

I've been with one. He was happy.

[C]

Half.

[D]

Okay. He was half.

[P]

Half a black.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

My career's over. It's over. And I knew it.

[E]

Now it donell.

[C]

I knew that back was too big. Son. I

[A]

Rob Schneider.

[E]

It's not just that your career is over. This is also an opportunity to educate other black men. Tonight. We have to look at it that way.

[B]

Shit.

[E]

It's never too much black guys out there. You know what to do. It's between the chest and the chin, it's called an Adam's apple. If they have one, they have something else.

[D]

That is true.

[E]

This is a special moment for you people. So take that for what it's worth. It's worth a lot.

[K]

That's so nice.

[D]

It is, it is. The more you know. Juanita, Juanita, Juanita. An interesting set tonight. Let's just talk about Tony.

[B]

It's really over for me.

[D]

Tony.

[A]

It's okay. I know, I know, donnell.

[D]

But it's all right. If you can pick yourself up, you know, you know, who knows, it's 20, 25. Maybe the streets will forgive you. Maybe they'll go, wow. You know, Donnell, you know, took a chance out there. He's a progressive, progressive person.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure.

[D]

I'm sure when Chappelle sees this, he's just.

[C]

Shut the up, Johnnell.

[A]

You might like how it feels.

[C]

Shut the. Stop touching me.

[E]

Johnnell, I want you to emotionally pull the balls aside. Can you do that for me? I think you can, Donnell. You can actually spread them out on one on each side. Donell, we're here for you.

[C]

Shut up.

[D]

Yeah, it's okay. This is going to be.

[C]

Can I get a tissue?

[D]

Oh, my goodness. You tricked Donnell. And that is going to be.

[C]

He didn't trick me. I mean, she didn't trick me. I mean, he didn't see. Whatever.

[A]

Yeah, you're. We will. We will you. Yeah, we.

[C]

We will you.

[A]

Oh, yeah, look at him. He's mad in the bed.

[C]

Well, you.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[E]

I see that on your next tour, Donnell.

[A]

Someone's got entrance music. Someone's coming out of that on this next special.

[D]

How exciting.

[A]

Oh, now that your glasses are on, maybe you can see more clearly.

[D]

Yeah, it's exciting. Ashy Larry, meet Ashy Harry.

[A]

It's very exciting.

[D]

So, Juanita, how has life been going? Let's talk what's been going on with you?

[K]

I have have a show in Tyler, Texas and getting booked a lot more since the show, so that's fun. I moved in with, like a really awesome comic. He's awesome. Just life's been good.

[D]

I love it.

[A]

Last time you were gonna say I

[B]

would do it, I said they would do it.

[D]

You said we will say that we.

[C]

That's not what I said.

[A]

Group, you would do it.

[D]

There you go. There's Red band trying to save you right now. So. Oh, the last time you were on the show, Juanita with the great Jimmy Carr was here and we found out about Whiskey Hole.

[P]

Yes.

[K]

Now that guy's going through a Divorce now.

[D]

The guy that you had whiskey hole with?

[K]

Yeah. I didn't realize I said his full name.

[E]

And

[K]

oops.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

My God.

[E]

Does that make it easier for someone to find them if you say their whole name?

[K]

Yeah, if you're a Turkish, Australian.

[D]

Well, specific. Oh, my God.

[E]

We're learning a lot of things this evening.

[D]

Yes, we are.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

So his wife found out about that from someone sending her a clip or something?

[K]

Yeah, But I. He told me he was single when I met him, because I asked him, I was like, do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a wife? He said, no.

[D]

Yeah, it's.

[K]

So I accidentally had sex with him.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And now I noticed a crazy question. Was he black or white?

[K]

No, he was Turkish, so he was like brownie kind of.

[E]

It was in the area. She said, shut the up. It was. It was black adjacent.

[D]

Yeah, it's true.

[K]

His dick was.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's over for me, Tony. It really is.

[A]

Oh, it's gonna be.

[B]

I thought this was the comeback, Tony. And I'm right where I started when I walked up the first time.

[A]

Oh, you're a legend now.

[K]

Now you're just open for you if you want. Would you say Juanita said, I can open for you if you want?

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's what he wants.

[K]

Just fix everything.

[A]

Open her ass.

[D]

I'll pass.

[A]

Oh, yeah, she'll open for you. Donnell, shut it down. So progressive. Better than can you.

[D]

Donnell only likes openers that look exactly like him.

[A]

Can you.

[D]

All right, Juanita, anything else crazy going on in life that we should know about?

[K]

Oh, I. I have an impression prepared for you.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[K]

Yeah.

[D]

All right.

[K]

So this is. It's Charlie Plainview from There Will Be Blood explaining birthday pizzas at Grimaldi's. So we get our birthday pizza, like, every year. Well, the thing is that we used

[E]

to give out the birthday emails for

[K]

free, but now you have to download an application.

[E]

Yeah, but we get it.

[K]

Like, every year.

[C]

You get no birthday pizza.

[A]

Wow.

[K]

Was that a good.

[B]

You know what's interesting now? Now I can see the Adam's apple now, right?

[A]

All it took was for her to do a spot on Daniel Day Lewis

[D]

for Donnell to realize, hell, yeah, there Will Be Blood. Or when they. You, Anita.

[A]

It's called There Will Be Mud.

[K]

No, I. I prepare, fellas.

[D]

Juanita, Shuffle butter.

[A]

Fun times. You've been on this show numerous times. It's, you know, wasn't your best set, but always a legendary interview with you. We love your sense of humor. Proof that some trans people can roll with the punches. That's another appearance by the Great White Juanita, everybody. It's a stereotype. Some people say, oh, yeah, we do have a golden ticket winner here, ladies and gentlemen. This guy's only been on the show one other time when he famously came on with children's books for adults and changed his life forever. This is the second ever appearance from Charlie Mack. Everybody make some noise for Charlie Mac.

[O]

First off, I want to thank the Kill Tony universe. Y' all really did change my life, you know?

[B]

Thank you.

[O]

Yes. Now I'm able to buy a lot of lavish shit. Like I just bought a new fifteen hundred dollar shelf. I put all my clothes on and everything. Some of y' all know it as a treadmill. I've never touched it. I don't know what the fuck it does. Last time I touched it was to balance myself, to put my shoes on. It's crazy. Now my ex let me have sex with her again.

[C]

Yes.

[O]

Yes.

[C]

I like it.

[O]

Cause she likes to role play. You know, I be hitting it from the back.

[D]

No.

[O]

I throw on her wig, she throw on my cpap. Y' all ain't never had CPAP sex. It's like fucking Darth Vader. I'm like, who's in it? She go,

[B]

yours.

[O]

I was like, damn, Luke, I guess I am your father.

[A]

Charlie Mac done it again. Rob Schneider.

[P]

Congrats.

[E]

You're gonna make it.

[A]

You are.

[E]

You're gonna make it. And for the rest of your life as a comedian. I mean, the next six years are gonna be great for you.

[A]

No doubt about it, Charlie. Fantastic.

[B]

You said you did role play. What was the scenario?

[O]

I threw on her wig and she threw on my cpap.

[B]

That's not creative.

[O]

It's not.

[B]

If you going to do role play, I do role play. If you going to do role play, think outside the box. When I play role play, I play plantation.

[Q]

Damn.

[D]

Ooh.

[A]

Juanita, get back up here.

[E]

Is it okay if we laugh at this? Are we okay? We're all okay. We're okay.

[B]

No, we're good.

[C]

We're good.

[E]

Okay. Good.

[B]

This was not the best decision.

[A]

Charlie Mack, the last time you were

[D]

on the show, you told us about your adult children's books.

[A]

And.

[D]

And I guess it blew up, right?

[O]

Oh, hell yeah. They start calling me the hood Dr. Seuss.

[A]

I love it.

[O]

Yeah. Now I have to make up new names, you know, so I'm thinking of a couple. I was thinking of the crackhead from Crumble Street. Pookie in the stimulus check, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

[D]

The hood Dr. Seuss. That is the only kind of doctor you could be. By the way, Charlie Mac, tell us about your. How your life changed from that though. Like, what's going on?

[O]

Oh, white women. Look at me now. Yeah, hell yeah. But no, I really, I got a world tours. I'm going all through Europe, Tokyo, everywhere.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

International House of Pancakes.

[D]

My goodness gracious, look at you. Unbelievable. Charlie Mac, any plans for when you're over in Tokyo and places? Anything you're really looking forward to?

[E]

Any places you could recommend?

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

There's this one little place. Just remember, Pochi o myo.

[O]

I don't know, I just. I'm just looking for other black people because I don't go nowhere if there's not other black people there.

[D]

Okay, well, have fun in Tokyo.

[C]

How the do you get on this show then, man?

[O]

It's like 12 black people in this whole audience and I'm four of them.

[A]

Charlie Mac, you are fantastic.

[D]

Where do you live again?

[O]

I live here in Austin, about seven minutes away.

[D]

Oh, sweet.

[O]

Yeah.

[D]

Hell yeah. And what do you do for fun when you're not writing books or performing standup? Do you have any, any side?

[O]

The best thing that I really do if I'm not doing anything is I'm on daddy duty.

[B]

You know, I respect that.

[A]

Yes.

[O]

Me and my three year old, we be kicking it, robbing. She sell crack. We do a lot of fun.

[I]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Get the money, son.

[O]

Yeah. We got to start a family empire.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[E]

Can we laugh at that one? Is that all right?

[P]

Selling crack.

[C]

I think Rob Greek black selling crack.

[A]

Daddy duty is also what would have been on Donnell's dick if he. Juanita, I got somebody.

[C]

Do not laugh. I got daddy duty.

[A]

I got daddy duty.

[C]

Stay black.

[B]

Don't laugh. We all we got, bro. Rob is going to breed ferrets after this show.

[D]

Oh my God, Charlie, you fantastic set. You've done it again. Thank you. A rock solid comedian. We're excited to have you and have you back on again soon. Charlie Mack, ladies and gentlemen.

[A]

We're gonna keep it moving here. We're keeping it moving. Back to the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen.

[D]

Takes a while for Charlie to get off stage. There he goes. Holy shit. That's a big boy. Make some.

[A]

That's a huge yes.

[D]

Had to make some noise for your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, it is Michael Hines, everyone.

[A]

Michael Hines is next on Gilton.

[H]

Wow, this is exciting. You know, believe it or not, this is the second most exciting thing to happen to me today though. I saw a UFO on the way over here, an unidentified flying object. Really it was a non binary person jumping off the bridge over there. But they didn't identify as anything

[B]

went

[H]

from she her to she her to see her later. They them to she her later. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's you know, more of an unidentified falling object. But for a second there, for a second, Ozzy Osbourne's finally in hell. Do you think it's everything he dreamed it would be? I'm sure it's not that bad though with all the scientists there. They gotta have it air conditioned by now. You know, it's probably a party. I voted for Trump, guys. And I regretted it week one. Week one he took away my food stamps. What the fuck? He said I gotta work 40 hours a week to get em. If I work 40 hours a week, I wouldn't need fucking food stamps.

[A]

Michael Hines, fantastic set. Edgy, funny, current. I loved it. That's great.

[D]

You've been on this show once before, right?

[H]

Twice, Tony, twice.

[D]

Fantastic stick.

[B]

Please tell me Juanita was the one that jumped off the bridge. I wish, I wish that's the only thing was safe.

[H]

Donnell, you did my favorite episode.

[B]

I just need a suicide.

[D]

What was that, Michael?

[H]

Donnell was on my favorite episode of Kill Tony of all time.

[B]

Which one was it?

[H]

You don't know? I. I love you, Donnell. You're my favorite.

[C]

Look what you've done.

[A]

I know,

[D]

I know. Rob Schneider.

[E]

I've learned that laughing at the suicides of nine non binary people are back. Yes, that's what I've learned.

[A]

No doubt about it.

[E]

So much coming.

[A]

You know, you got to hang out in Austin more often. You'd really love it here.

[E]

Rob, by the way, the President Trump wasn't taking away your food stamps. He was just making sure that you weren't buying like sodas and fucking Reese's Pieces with it.

[H]

Clearly.

[A]

Yeah, guilty as charged.

[D]

No doubt about it. Michael, remind us, how long you been doing stand up?

[H]

About two and a half years, Tony.

[D]

All of it here in Austin?

[H]

Yes, sir.

[D]

Fantastic stuff. What do you do for work?

[H]

I'm a realtor's assistant.

[D]

Okay.

[H]

Open houses and stuff. Don't tell her.

[E]

Wow.

[H]

Can I say I don't think they like you, Tony.

[E]

What?

[H]

I don't think they like you. So if they know I'm here, I might be done for.

[D]

Realtors don't like me. Those two, well, they can go fucking go fuck themselves.

[A]

Yeah, who gives a fuck? I'm sure, I'm sure. There's so much fun to work for.

[H]

You wouldn't believe it, Tony.

[A]

I would. I know what people that don't like me, I know what their mental health is like. Rob Schneider.

[B]

I don't care about us. Can I say something?

[D]

Wait, what?

[A]

I guess.

[B]

Can I say something about you? Okay.

[D]

Yes, you can.

[B]

No, I watch the show, but I don't watch the show. But everybody else come up here, they like super nervous and like sweating. You seem so composed and I want to say this, you just feel like a natural man. Like in a short period of time you hit enough jokes and even in your interview, you was likable, you was personable and you did it in a short period of time, man.

[H]

Thank you, sir.

[B]

I'm just saying. I see. I see. I really see a future for you, man.

[H]

Thank you.

[E]

A realtor's assistant. That's just my question. Because in my, you know, experience, even a half retarded person could be a real estate person.

[C]

So you cannot say that.

[A]

Rob.

[E]

A half a realtor assistant could be a full retard. I'm thinking could that.

[H]

Well, she pays me 30 bucks an hour. So if I do 2210 hour days on open houses, I have the rest of the week for comedy.

[E]

Yeah, there you go. You're going to do great. You're very funny.

[C]

Very funny.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Fantastic stuff. Did you get a big joke book last time you.

[H]

I did not.

[D]

You got a small joke book?

[H]

Yes, sir.

[D]

I got news for you, buddy.

[A]

You're getting an upgrade. There he goes. A fantastic minute and a great return for Michael Hines, everybody. We are flying through it now. We are cooking. I got to say, hey, I gotta say, I gotta. Normally I don't do this during an episode, but I gotta tell you guys, this is one of my favorite episodes of the year so far. How about a hand for Donnell and Rob Schneider?

[E]

The.

[A]

I had a feeling that this chemistry would be crazy and wild. Okay.

[B]

The irony of that is one of your favorite episodes and it's not a good feeling for me right now.

[J]

So.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Donnell got cancelled tonight. I talked about the trans. Whatever you calling this.

[B]

It's over for me. No, Austin has been really weird to me.

[C]

No.

[E]

If I can appear to be racist right now and interrupt you. No, this is. This is a really. It's really been fun. I enjoyed this. What a great. What about this audience here?

[A]

Yeah, we're having fun. We're playing with fire and we're to going to keep it moving. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket hole. One minute uninterrupted going to James Kerrigan everybody. James Kerrigan.

[P]

I went out with this girl a couple times, and then the other day she sent me a text that started with the phrase, after some reflection. I didn't read. The rest of the text I didn't

[E]

read

[P]

because nothing good ever happens when a woman texts you after some reflection. It's never after some reflection. I think we should try anal. That has never happened in the history of women who are anal. It's always after some reflection. I realize we're two different trees going in two different directions and you're poor. Now, if a man sends you a text that starts with the phrase, after some reflection, I'm just kidding. It's a picture of his penis,

[E]

followed

[P]

up by, we should try anal. Big dick dick pic crowd in here. No, I've never been dick. I've never been big on dick. I'm drunk. Sorry. I've never been big on dick pics myself. All right, that came out wrong.

[K]

All right.

[P]

Thank you guys so much.

[A]

My name is James, James Kerrigan. Hey. A fantastic set.

[D]

Is this your first time on the show?

[P]

Yes, sir.

[D]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[P]

It'll be 11 years in September.

[D]

Wow. I love it. You perform like a guy that's been doing it 11 years.

[B]

Years.

[D]

That's great stuff, James. Great stuff. Even though you were tripping on words, you got a lot of big laughs.

[P]

Yeah, I was just drinking over over there and playing chess with this homeless girl. And it was cool.

[A]

I didn't think I was gonna get pulled.

[P]

They're like, you need to go now.

[D]

I was like, all right, Cool. Amazing stuff, Rob.

[E]

I will say your timing, though, was fantastic. But you also had a chance. Instead of saying you've been doing it 11 years, if you would have said 11 months, everybody would have went nuts.

[P]

Well, that would be lying, Mr. Schreiner. I'm talking to Rob Schneider right now. Fuck. God damn.

[A]

This is crazy.

[F]

Right?

[C]

Right? This is fucking safe.

[E]

Very, very funny. And you started out really strong. That's a really funny new. I'm telling you, you had the audience and you never lost them until you couldn't figure out how to end it.

[P]

Well, I know how to end it.

[K]

I'm just saying.

[E]

And then all the goodwill was gone forever. Oh, like, no, no, no, no. You did great. And it was really funny and you really made me laugh hard. Really good job. Congrats.

[A]

Stop.

[D]

Great stuff.

[B]

I don't know what to say other than you was funny as. And then I really believe you look at dick pics. Cuz once you Brought that up. You was like,

[C]

juanita, come back.

[D]

James, what do you do for work?

[P]

I actually sell air conditioner out. They're playing the other one where the air conditioner was broken on.

[D]

You work for them?

[P]

I don't work for Airco. I work for ars. We do air conditioners.

[C]

Irs. Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

I got nervous.

[A]

What?

[D]

Air rs?

[P]

Ars. American Residential Services.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Ours?

[A]

Yeah.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

Odd name for a company.

[P]

Yes, sure, I guess.

[D]

You put in the acs, you do everything.

[E]

You're looking for comfort. Check out our arse. We'll cool you down. Our swill.

[P]

I actually bother people at Home Depot. That's what I do. I go up and talk to people at Home Depot. That's my job.

[D]

Okay. How are you right now? What exactly did you drink before this? The biggest opportunity of your 11 year career.

[A]

Tell us what you've been sipping on today. I find this all so intriguing.

[D]

Nothing like watching 11 years of hard work and all of a sudden, and here you are, you're doing great and you're handling it well.

[A]

But I can tell you are fucked up. Like, if this was. If this was not Kill Tony, if this was a random show where it's like a special show where you pull out drunk people and it's a DUI checkpoint, you'd be fucked right now. You would be so fucked. I mean, it's incredible.

[D]

So tell us, just honestly, truthfully, what exactly did you drink today?

[P]

Today it was just vodka soda.

[D]

Okay.

[P]

But I had the pictures. I had the pictures, so I had.

[D]

You had a picture?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[P]

They sell them next door. You should go check it out.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, no, we have.

[A]

We have alcohol here.

[P]

Well, I'm just saying it's a good deal.

[A]

All right.

[B]

No more reviews, Tony.

[D]

So you had two pictures.

[P]

I had two pitchers and a beer. Yes.

[D]

Two pitchers of vodka soda and a beer.

[E]

That's an interesting.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

1.

[E]

That's an interesting choice. After two pitchers of vodka, you go like, h. I'm not. It's not hitting me. Where don't they. Cerveza. This hasn't worked.

[A]

That's when you get your money back for those pictures.

[C]

Juanita, That is. Save us. What is. Rob.

[D]

Rob brings up an unbelievably great point. You had the beer after the two pictures of vodka.

[B]

God damn.

[P]

I didn't think I was gonna get pulled.

[C]

So I don't.

[A]

That's what everybody says. That's what everybody says.

[D]

Especially when you're that blacked out. My goodness gracious. And wow. Do you normally drink this much?

[P]

No, but I don't normally come here, so, you know.

[D]

Okay. You don't really. How many times do you think you've signed up before if you had?

[P]

I think this is my fourth time.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[A]

Yeah.

[P]

Appreciate it.

[D]

Should we do a special segment called DUI Checkpoint right now for the first time ever?

[A]

What do they have people do?

[D]

What's one of the things like you

[A]

have to stand up on like one.

[D]

One foot, like, right. And what, what do you do?

[A]

Is there any police officers here by any chance? Can we get a. Can we get a police officer up here?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

For the first time in the show's history, I would like to make some noise for a real APD police officer. This is Oscar, everybody. Yes. Yes, Oscar. This is what I love about Austin Rob. When I was in la, you couldn't find a police officer. If they're lighting a grocery store on fire, you couldn't find a police officer here.

[D]

I'm like, hey, let's. Let's try a little.

[A]

Oh, there's one right there. This is unbelievable.

[D]

Oscar Donnell. What is it? There you see? Scared cuz there's a police officer that's supposed to.

[C]

When I.

[B]

When I was in the military, when I was in the Air force, that was my job. I was a police officer.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

You never mentioned that you were in the military.

[B]

I was the worst police officer. I made zero arrest in four years. Wow. Yeah, that's true story. I was a military police officer.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Used to choke yourself.

[C]

Shut the up.

[A]

Red band, red band, red band. You can't. You dirty red pan. You can't ask things like that.

[C]

No. That was funny, though.

[A]

Did you. Did you used to choke yourself?

[D]

Let's check in with Rob. Let's check in with Rob Schneider here.

[E]

I still can't get over the beer after the two pictures. I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

What's the next thing next to it? Was there a gun?

[P]

Not tonight.

[A]

Where did you get that drink from?

[P]

Some guys.

[D]

Give that back.

[A]

Give the drink back. You guys are crazy. All right, Oscar, if you don't mind doing us a favor. This is the first time in the history of the show we've done anything like this before. Thank you for playing along. How about one more time for Oscar? Step on up. Step on up to that microphone real quick that he has. Give him the mic there. James, give Oscar the mic. Would you mind? Would you mind? Get this. Giving a quick little DUI test to James and talk right into the tip of that mic. Just take us through it. Pretend like we're not here.

[D]

And this.

[A]

You just pulled this guy over and you got him out of his car. Let's see what happens here. James.

[P]

James, where are you coming from?

[C]

Oh. Oh.

[A]

Oh, no. Do not sit the down. These. All right. I need another microphone.

[D]

Do we have one under the table? We have one under the.

[A]

Where? Where? Under the table?

[D]

Exactly.

[E]

What's that?

[D]

Very far right. Is there one more under there? There it is.

[P]

There's one.

[D]

There's one more. Yeah, we got one more hidden there.

[A]

Oh, this is. So this is podcast history, ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[A]

James, he asked you a question.

[P]

I'm actually coming from a comedy club. How much have you had to drink tonight? Two drinks.

[F]

Two drinks? I mean,

[E]

yeah, Honest, just not specific. The specificity of the officer's question opened up some vagaries, and James took advantage of it. Advantage?

[A]

James, continue.

[P]

How big were those two drinks? There was like, a shot each.

[E]

Again, slightly vague shots. Could be fucking huge, apparently.

[P]

Where you headed to? I'm just going home.

[B]

That's all I'm doing.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Such a suspicious answer. That's all I'm doing. Not doing anything else. Just driving home.

[E]

James, you seem way too familiar with this experience.

[A]

This happened four months ago. You got a DUI four months ago. You got out of it. Oh, you ain't getting out of this one, Oscar. Let's do it. Hit him with it. What do you think?

[D]

Oh, if I get arrested, by the way, let's just.

[A]

Let's just take note. Can I just say when Oscar talks into the microphone?

[D]

I've been doing this show for 12 and a half years. I've never seen anyone so commanding and clear. It's like a specific type of police.

[A]

Like, where are you coming from?

[E]

I just have to say, this may seem racist.

[C]

Y.

[E]

But you're drinking tonight. We should still arrest Dunhill.

[B]

We should. Let's do the black, white version of it. What would it be? What would it be?

[E]

All right. Yo,

[C]

get the fuck out of that car. Black lives matter. Nigga.

[B]

Ain't do this.

[A]

Went from DUI to DEI real quick.

[C]

Sort of.

[A]

Rob Schneider's moving to Austin. I can tell we're having fun tonight. We're getting them. We got another one. Oh, yeah, we're doing it. Oscar, how you cool with this? Right? Are we good? Okay, Oscar. Oh, I love it. Fucking Fantaba. Hand for Rob over here. The man. We love him. We have the best squad here at the Mothership.

[D]

Can you give them a little test for Me. Can we see a little something?

[A]

What would you have them do if

[D]

you wanted him to fail? Real quick.

[P]

Stand with your feet together, hands down by your side. Look at my finger. I'm gonna move my finger from left to right. Keep your head still, you understand?

[D]

Oh.

[A]

What do you think, Oscar? What's the verdict?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oscar, you sound like cops.

[C]

Do you?

[A]

Oscar, you're leaving here with a big joke book. Make some noise for Oscar. The apd, the greatest police department on planet earth. James, you had a fucking fantastic set. You rolled with the punches every single step of the way. You are truly an 11 year comedy veteran. And you have the jokes for it.

[D]

You have the stage presence for it.

[A]

Here's a big joke book sign up. We want to see more of you. Come back. James Kerrigan. Wow.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

The first ever DUI checkpoint in Kill Tony history.

[C]

He's getting handcuffed.

[A]

We got a new segment. We got a new segment. Oh. Oh, my God. I didn't even know that was possible.

[D]

I mean, what other show in the

[A]

world has a serious ass police officer just waiting in the fucking helms? I mean, unbelievable. That was the best. You know what's great is he's gonna have to, like, keep his car parked outside and not drive home tonight. Yeah. Oh, he's fucked.

[B]

But Tony, he was giving him the test. Literally looking at me. Awful.

[A]

It is. It's going to be James Kerrigan, Donnell in the back of the police car, and Juanita. That's going to be a long drive to the station.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

Donnell's gonna get us.

[C]

Shut the up.

[B]

Don't do that, son.

[C]

Don't do that, son. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that, son. Black lives matter. Don't do it.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

what an episode.

[D]

We're going to keep it moving here.

[A]

We're getting there. We're coming around the corner. Your next bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, this lady. Very funny. She's been on this show before. I'm excited to see a new minute from Sherry Veseji, everybody. The return of Sherry Veggie.

[S]

Thank you. Thank you. I am originally from Iran. Yeah. Where women traditionally don't have dicks.

[C]

No,

[S]

Just mustaches.

[C]

Yeah.

[S]

You know what the safe word is for Middle Eastern women?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hashtag.

[S]

Hashtag. Notalllivesmatter. Keeping it real. I have a friend who's so obsessed about the size of her boyfriend's dick, she's so happy. I mean, do women who care about size, do they have like a measuring tape in Their, you know, on nightstand, every time a new guy comes along, they're like, oh, let's measure that. You know who I know for sure has a measuring tape? No, no, not me. Not me. Kim Kardashian. What do you think she uses? A Dewalt Stanley or the circumference of her mouth.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Sherry Baseji has done it again. Rob Schneider.

[E]

Sherry, I just want to say I look forward to your first tour in Iran. When you get beaten to death, it's going to be special.

[A]

Absolutely. Normally when a comedian.

[E]

Very funny. Very funny. That first joke out there fucking killed me. Just really, really funny. It's just putting more those jokes together and boom. That's really, really funny. Very special.

[K]

Thank you.

[A]

It is true what Rob says.

[D]

If you ever do a show in Iran, you're going to be the first. Not the first comedian to get stoned

[A]

after a show, but in that type of way. No doubt about it.

[B]

I have a question. Can I.

[A]

Of course you can. Yeah.

[D]

You're a guest.

[B]

How long have you been doing comedy?

[S]

About two years this round. I used to do comedy years ago.

[B]

Can I say this? Like, in this business where it's all about ageism and I'm not trying to be disrespectful. Anything. For you to be doing comedy for two years. Right. And have the energy, like all these people that probably younger than you, what that tells me is that you had a time in your life, you did something and comedy was your passion. Am I correct?

[S]

Yes.

[B]

And you said to yourself, you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna do it. Yes, I'm gonna do it again. Your energy, the jokes is funny. And then in this situation where it's so competitive, it's all about, you're not relatable, you're old school, whatever, and I'm not trying to call you old, but I'm just saying that your energy, everything, your jokes, and I can look in your eyes and tell that it's something you want to do and you say, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. So with that said, I really appreciate

[E]

what you did, and I just want to say, I think that was a black man hitting on you.

[D]

Yeah,

[S]

it's not the first time.

[C]

Yeah, let's walk off. Fuck it. We out of here. Hey, let's go. We didn't dick chewed tonight.

[A]

Iran meet. I walked.

[B]

No, I want to just add to that. Like, I've seen, like, these comments that come up. I'm not knocking nobody. I seen the desperation and nervousness, but you feel so fucking Calm like this. What the fuck I'm supposed to been doing? And that resonates with me.

[E]

He's trying to fuck you.

[B]

I mean, you remember that role play Plantation?

[C]

Do you know how hard you get

[B]

fucked if somebody fuck you for their freedom? I'm gonna let that marinate. I'm gonna let that marinate.

[C]

And you can use the N word. I'm gonna let that marinate.

[D]

It might be time for another re

[A]

lotioning of these elbows.

[C]

Something's got a hole in me lately.

[D]

Sherry, how's life been? Tell us more about your real life.

[S]

You know, ever since I've been on Kill Tony, you know, I get hit on on Instagram, you know, but the quality has gone up and the age has come down.

[D]

I love it. Yeah. Have you taken advantage of any of these situations?

[S]

I have not. But, you know, all these young guys trying to show me their best minute.

[A]

You are so funny. I, like, love you.

[C]

You are.

[B]

You are adorable.

[A]

You really are.

[D]

You really are. What are some goals for you, Sherry? You are h. How much time do you think you have all together? If. If.

[A]

Like, a lot.

[C]

Not.

[B]

Not in life.

[A]

Not. Not in life.

[E]

I give it about 80. 80 months.

[S]

The clock is sicking. I need to hurry up with this career.

[D]

But as far as a set goes, like, what's the longest you could do?

[S]

I think I can do 20 minutes.

[D]

Okay.

[S]

But I have more material. I just need an opportunity to do my material.

[D]

Absolutely.

[B]

Well, if you come down to the Plantation, I could take care of that.

[E]

You're gonna get it. You're gonna get that good. Great job tonight.

[D]

It really is. They all said it, and I've said it every time you've ever been on. You're so charismatic. You're delivering and executing your material so goddamn likable.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

It's unbelievable.

[A]

Sherry, you've done it again. Red Band. Sherry, I would love to have you back on the Secret show.

[E]

Thank you.

[B]

Boom.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

She just got booked on a real show this Thursday from the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. Sherry Basi.

[D]

How about one more time for Sherry, everybody?

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

We have another. Another return of a legendary performer here. This man famously is part of one of the most viral clips in Kill Tony history. When he said that he was molested multiple times as a kid. And Dr. Phil famously said, because he wasn't paying attention, I said, Dr. Phil, Phil. And Dr. Phil said, who was your favorite?

[A]

He does a podcast with Tony Hawk. You know him from the Hawk and the Wolf. This is a minute from Jason Ellis, everybody. The return of Jason Ellis.

[M]

What's up? So, yeah, I'm a. I know what you're thinking. I don't look that gay. Well, picture me naked with a guy's penis in my mouth.

[L]

Yeah, I know.

[M]

Does it every time. But I'm not gay anymore. I retired from that shit. Fuck that shit. It's hideous. But because I've done gay shit, people think that I'm weaker. Like, that guy's a pretty big guy over there. Just so you know, dude, I could fucking suck your dick and there wouldn't be shit you could do about it. So how am I weak? Some other people might be like, I don't like your gay talk, Jason. Maybe you're gonna jump me in the parking lot. I am a professional fighter. I will kick you in the head, knock you out, and suck your dick. I'm not finished. I'll film it, and then I'll put it on the Internet. And then you'll be gay, but not gay, just like me. And you wake up, be like, I'm not gay, bro. I'm like, pretty sure this video says otherwise. Thank you.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Chase Sen Ellis with the best minute he's done on this show. What a special episode this is. Somehow I'm scared to death and turned on at the same time. I think feel both soft and hard right now.

[D]

Absolutely incredible performance, Jason Ellis.

[B]

Jason did my podcast. Remember that? He did my podcast. And I'm looking at him. I didn't know that he was a right.

[C]

No, that's. That's what you said.

[A]

Trans. No, no, no.

[B]

That's what you said. But I'm telling. This is a scary moment. Like, you know, I mean, whatever, but.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Apparently.

[C]

Let me say this, son.

[E]

Apparently. The word is back, people.

[C]

He said it. And I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean like that. I didn't know it.

[B]

It didn't mean anything.

[M]

Hey, man, I paid my dues, yo.

[B]

It's so good. But just the shit is like this. As a black man, this would make me nervous. You like this? I'll you up and suck your dick. Okay, that's horrible. But.

[M]

But I could do it.

[B]

It could have been the other side. I'll beat your ass. And you. I was like, you can't do that. Oh, my God.

[A]

You like that?

[M]

You might be gay than me, dude.

[E]

As someone.

[B]

What I'm saying is.

[E]

Yeah, the black guys interrupt me again.

[D]

It's true.

[E]

Here it goes.

[I]

It is.

[E]

They can't be racist, so we all know they can jump in Whenever they want and demand whatever they want, apparently they want.

[B]

What I say is that when I met you, you was a guest of my podcast. You was dope as. I forgot what we talked about, and I didn't really give a. About sexuality thing. I didn't know it, but you was cool. Thank you for doing my podcast.

[C]

What the.

[A]

That's what you interrupted Rob to say? Thank you for doing my podcast. You know what? We're going to bring Juanita back up here right now. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[C]

I'm.

[D]

No one even remembers.

[B]

You're being mean to me, Tony.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The other day you told me how much you love me.

[D]

Let's check. I do.

[B]

No, the other day you was like this. I remember when we first met, our connection.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You said all this, and now you're just leaving out. Leaving me out here for people to. You don't give a fuck about me.

[A]

No, Donnell, we love you. I can tell. You have that look in your eye. I've seen this before.

[C]

I got 10 minutes worth of show before I go to the bathroom, nigga.

[E]

You know, I will say I can't get it out of my head, but I would like to see you, Jason, beat the shit out of Donnell while he's fucking Juanita.

[A]

That is true. That would be the world's greatest threesome.

[E]

As someone who enjoys nonviolent sex, Where the ending is not a punch in the face, but calm in the face, it's different. I just want to say I learned something tonight from you. And I won't sleep well. Thank you.

[B]

You're welcome.

[M]

I think.

[A]

Jason.

[D]

Jason. You are a scary guy who hasn't been going in normal life. Tell us what.

[M]

Really good.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[J]

Better than ever.

[A]

I love it.

[D]

Tell us about it.

[M]

I got a girlfriend. She's got a vagina. She was born with one.

[D]

Wow. Look at that.

[M]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

I'm confused.

[A]

He was gay. Now he's no longer gay.

[M]

I was never gay. I was just a sex addict.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[M]

I just.

[D]

Everybody okay.

[M]

And like, when you.

[B]

A lot of women, when you say that, you're the one looking at me.

[M]

Fucking sketch balls. But when you try to fuck a lot of ladies in one day, it's a lot of talking, you know?

[B]

I know that.

[M]

So, yeah, dudes just suck it and leave. It's pretty convenient.

[A]

Yeah.

[M]

The only bad thing about it is it is pretty gay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's in this moment that I realize I'm on the wrong fucking show.

[C]

I think the moment I think it might.

[E]

I think it might be time for. The audience may need a shower at this moment.

[A]

Jason, what's the gayest thing you ever did?

[M]

That's up. I'm trying to move past that, like the dicks of Christmas past. But I guess, like, I love that. Whatever you can imagine, I love that

[A]

the horn players have a song for this.

[D]

The gayest thing that you've ever done.

[A]

What's the gayest thing that you've ever done?

[D]

It's the gayest thing Jason's ever done.

[A]

And everyone wants to know.

[D]

Gayest thing.

[A]

I know how it is so gay. We wanna.

[M]

I rollerbladed once.

[C]

Yo, that's so up. I used to roll a blade in Brooklyn. You're gay than me, dude. You're gayer than me.

[M]

That's insane.

[C]

Sit back down.

[B]

You can't tell a black man. Sit back down, son. You can say, take your seat, but you can't say that.

[A]

Well, if I tell you to take the seat, you're going to leave and take the actual seat. I think.

[E]

I think one question that the audience is thinking is, what is the tattoo that's on your dick?

[A]

That is a good question.

[M]

That's the last spot. I got one more gap and that's it. I haven't decided what I'm getting on there, but everything. I just want one tattoo and there's a few gaps and one of them is my dick.

[D]

Oh, so there's no tattoo on the dick.

[M]

That's interesting, right? It's also pretty gay that you guys give a shit about that.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, I didn't type a question. Believe it or not.

[C]

They actually believe it or not.

[A]

This isn't even the gayest part of the show. Donnell took the gay cake earlier. We will. We will. You. Oh, you're never gonna live it down, buddy. Oh, my God. They're gonna come up to you at

[E]

the airport singing that one, baby.

[M]

Man, I can't believe he didn't see that. She was not originally.

[A]

She. Yeah, even Jason Ellis is like, yeah, Donnell, you're gay as fuck. We will you. Oh, my God. You sang it with such fucking passion.

[C]

No, I did. He did.

[E]

No, but black guys think anything white or white adjacent. Jason is hot. And that's the fact.

[M]

Right?

[P]

Fair.

[E]

That's what was proved tonight.

[B]

Something's got a hole on me guy's hand. Jason, how many times did I tell you I'm no good at. All right, go ahead.

[D]

All right, all right. Jason, that was by far the best minute you've ever done on the Show.

[A]

So funny, so great. Such a great set again. It's my favorite part of the show is literally watching people get better in front of our eyes. One more time. Anything else you want to plug? You got the hawk and the wolf.

[M]

That. That's close. That's shut down.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Tony.

[M]

Tony's not as good at skateboarding as he used to be, so he has to, like, get a job. I just like saying that in case he sees it. You're fucking old and you suck, Tony.

[A]

But I'm Tony Hockey. Yeah. Yeah.

[M]

Sorry, wrong guy. But I'm a comedian on the road, so. TheJason Ellis.com is where all my tour dates live.

[A]

Perfect. Make some noise one more time for Jason Ellis. He is gay.

[D]

The gayest thing.

[A]

We want to know.

[D]

What's the gayest thing?

[A]

H. All right.

[B]

Taught me how to fight on my podcast. My podcast, the Down Airling show dot com. It has something He. He taught me how to fight, not fight, but he gave me suggestions on how to handle people. And I really appreciate the fact that, you know, my. My podcast. It's okay. It's struggling, whatever, but he pulled up and showed me love.

[D]

Well, it's great that you know how to fight. This way, you'll be able to get Juanit off. I'm on top of you.

[A]

Later.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

How much time before the show's over?

[A]

We're going to do.

[D]

Let's.

[B]

Don't touch me.

[A]

Rob.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[D]

I'm just.

[B]

You were down with the man, Rob.

[E]

No, I'm just.

[A]

I have to.

[E]

I have to cancel being on your podcast, I guess. I'm sorry. Call me back, though, when the numbers go up, and I want to go. But thank you for being honest.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to make it the final bucket pull of the night. Make some noise for Tom Anderson, everybody. Tom Anderson.

[T]

Oh, yeah. Mothership. So I'm going through a bit of a transformation. I'm getting fatter slowly, and there's nothing I can really do about it to stop it. So I'm leaving it to my government. I'm gonna put it in the hands of RFK Jr. Our Secretary of health, to stop me. And I don't know what it is about him. I really trust him. He's got, like, a lot of battle scars, health wise. You know, he's got that voice. And he had a brain worm, which is. I think that's a disease that kills wizards. I don't really know what. How you get through that. I'm so curious how that doctor's visit sounded, you know, he's like, doctor, my fucking head hurts. And then he's looking at the chart, he's like, oh, well, it appears you've got bugs in your mind. We need to get those out. So I can only really think of one solution. Mr. F. Kennedy, we're gonna have to blow your head off.

[A]

Little too close to home.

[T]

I know.

[A]

Tom Anderson. Lots of laughs. I could hear them over Donnell talking in my ear.

[C]

Shut the fuck up, Tony. I need to come in for this.

[B]

They don't know the history, Tony. Can we break down the history? Yeah. Be honest. During the pandemic, when you move your here, nobody wanted to come on your podcast because they were scared to catch COVID Am I lying that.

[A]

Well, they would.

[B]

Let me tell you, they would come here, they would do rogue, and they'd be like it, I'm out of here. You asked me, Donnell, can you come?

[C]

No. Shut the up.

[D]

I did.

[C]

I don't know how to say axe.

[B]

I don't know how to say Ax.

[C]

Amaland Z. Shut the fuck up. Please help him be more interesting for Madison Square Gardens.

[E]

Okay, I'm gonna be racist and interrupt the black man.

[C]

Listen, son, this is what they don't know.

[B]

You caught me very different in your voice. You was like. You said, donnell, could you come and do my podcast? I said, you know, I don't fuck with this shit. I'm too sensitive. I would crash out. Did I not say that?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I sat here and we didn't have this desk. You had.

[A]

You're right.

[C]

You didn't have this band.

[A]

You're right. We had a tablecloth and it was on a wobbly table. Right. We did have the same exact band.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[E]

I know I would have. I would.

[B]

All y' all look alike, son, but

[A]

Rob, jump in for once.

[E]

I would have done his. His show then, but I still wouldn't have done your shows now.

[C]

That's.

[E]

That's awesome. Just cuz the number of viewers. You admitted that you did.

[A]

Imagine the number of viewers once they see him hit on Juanita. I mean, it's going.

[B]

It's going down.

[C]

You know, Juanita, I had a misunderstanding. What?

[A]

You had a Mr. Understanding with Juanita? You thought it was a misunderstanding? That was a misunderstanding. Tony, that's a great show.

[B]

Let's just do this. And this is the thing. This.

[A]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. A Mr. Understanding is like one of the greatest jokes I've ever done in my life. It's all moving so quick. People didn't even notice.

[B]

No, that was funny. This is what these people don't understand. I, I. It's not time to joke. It's time to be serious.

[E]

We're gonna get some. We're gonna.

[C]

Don't touch me, Rob.

[B]

I'm being serious.

[A]

We're gonna get some action.

[E]

Adam's apple juice for you over here, please.

[C]

I was there for you. I was there for you, Tony.

[B]

I was there for you.

[C]

I showed up. Look at me. You said,

[B]

I was there for Tony. And it was in a time where nobody was there for.

[A]

Just made us not rocket coming up my nose.

[B]

Let me get this. And you said, daniel, would you show up for me? And I said, as a friend, I would show up for you. And I did the show. I was here for two and a half hours.

[F]

He did the show. He did the show. He did the show. It wasn't popular. No one wanted to do it. Darnell took the time to come down, to calm down, to come down.

[A]

Even though he wasn't gonna benefit in

[F]

any way, he still came down. And he never, he never, never, never

[A]

let Tony forget it.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

And I tell you why. It's raining. Sam.

[A]

Who the are you?

[C]

How'd you get out there? Hallelujah.

[T]

I'm so sorry I walked on out. That was really bad of me.

[A]

I'm so sorry.

[E]

2 hours ago you performed. How did you feel it went?

[A]

I don't remember.

[T]

What joke did I do? I have no idea what I said. It was a great song.

[E]

I think it was interesting basing your whole act on the Health and Human Services Secretary. That's different than what else we saw tonight. I will say we have learned a lot from our health secretary. That our government has been lying to us, and now it's all coming out. Apparently Froot Loops is not good for you.

[B]

No.

[E]

No fruit in the loops at all, apparently.

[T]

Got my.

[E]

Thank you. Robert Kennedy, Jr.

[T]

What happened to the first one? I didn't read up on him.

[A]

What happened to him? His daddy.

[E]

Yeah.

[T]

Never mind.

[A]

We ran out of big joke books to give away, Tom.

[D]

But I'll tell you, you had a fantastic set. What do we have for Tom? Anything. That thing. Yeah, but that's a big bomb. That's like for people like bomb. In a great way. We don't really have anything. It's rare to give you. Why don't you give them a spot on the secret show real quick? That'll.

[A]

That'll be great. Oh, that'll be on the secret show Thursday. Amazing. Tom Anderson, you got a spot on The Secret Show. Thank you. You saved us, Red band with a big save. Thank you, Tom Anderson. Great stuff. Sign up again and then we'll talk more. You just have to understand, you're on. You're on. A crazy climax of one of the

[D]

greatest episodes in the history of the show.

[E]

Also, if you want, you stick around later, there's a gay guy who'll beat the of you after he comes on you if you want. It's just, I'm saying it's an option for some of the performers tonight. If they didn't know,

[A]

ladies and gentlemen, what an episode it has been. Indeed. And there's only one more performer, ladies and gentlemen, but it is not William Montgomery. Let it be known William is out on vacation tonight. However, there's only one other human that could possibly end an episode like this. A fucking freak of nature. Widely considered without a doubt, one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Soon to be one of the greatest American comedians. For now, he remains the Estonian assassin.

[C]

This is Ari Matti. So

[Q]

when are we getting these waymos to kill the homeless at night? Robots are supposed to do the jobs we don't want to. I see them driving around all empty. They should get together in an heb parking lot. Fucking everybody picks one alley and you just fucking. Help us out.

[C]

Robots.

[Q]

Or if you want to be like vegan about it, fucking get a car full of them, drop them off in Houston. You know what I'm saying? Dude, I am, dude, I moved here a year ago. I used to be like, no, they're all human and snowflakes. Fuck you. Stop bleeding on my fucking pizza,

[C]

dude.

[Q]

The homeless in Austin, every time I see these motherfuckers, they're getting stronger and stronger. They're fucking getting D vitamin during the day, going through photosynthesis. They're fucking fasting. They're avoiding social media. They're cold. Plunging in Lady Bird Lake. The homeless in Austin are doing everything Joe Rogan talks about

[C]

they you so much. Wow. Wow.

[A]

Absolute rock star. And you get to watch it in real time. Mesmerizing.

[D]

Ari, Matty, ladies and gentlemen.

[Q]

What's up, guys?

[H]

What's up?

[Q]

Rob Schneider. So good to see you, my friend.

[E]

So great to see you. And I would tell you I was dying. You're hilarious.

[Q]

Yeah, I noticed from the corner of

[A]

my head I was awesome.

[E]

I don't take up a lot of space in people. Stop bleeding on my pizza. It's such a beautiful image. Cuz you could see what's happening in the pizza parlor. Yeah, a crazy Person comes in and then nobody wants to deal with it. You get your pizza and he bleeds on your pizza.

[Q]

Keep Austin weird.

[C]

No.

[E]

You're gonna be a gigantic fucking star.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[E]

Gigantic.

[D]

Yep.

[E]

Gigantic.

[O]

Thank you.

[E]

And you might get fucked by a crazy guy in the back after, too, so.

[D]

I gotta say, it's so great to hear Rob get to finish his thoughts completely uninterrupted.

[A]

It almost seems like.

[D]

It almost seems like something's missing. Something that's been.

[E]

That seems almost racing. You just said.

[Q]

It is interesting a black guy didn't finish the job.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Enough is enough, Tony. In front of your fucking audience. And I always respected you.

[B]

And I told you there is not a platform in comedy that gives motherfuckers an opportunity to go from nobody knowing you to superstars.

[E]

And I know what, that podcast isn't yours. Just saying. I mean, that's very racist. I know.

[B]

It meant a lot to me to be here, Tony. Can I tell you some emotional shit?

[A]

No one's ever turned their chair around like that.

[B]

You. We were supposed to. This is for the fans. I went to. I'm seeing a therapist now.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Was it backstage? No.

[B]

Teddy Swims is my therapist.

[K]

Okay.

[B]

And I'mma tell you this. This the realest shit. I'm gonna be honest. Rod, I need a moment.

[A]

Teddy Swims is your therapist?

[D]

The musician.

[B]

Something's got a hole in me lately. I want to say this.

[D]

Your Teddy can't swims.

[F]

I feel like. Obama shift drive.

[B]

This is what I want to say.

[F]

Obama shift dry.

[B]

This is abusive right now, Tony.

[A]

It's not nice being interrupted.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Can you do this?

[B]

Can you do this?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

This one.

[B]

Tony, give your man a minute. Can you give me one minute uninterrupted?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Start the clock. Red banner, start.

[E]

If you give me five seconds uninterrupted.

[A]

How about that? Is that racist? Give me it. Give the Filipino man.

[B]

This is something I want to say. One minute uninterrupted.

[A]

You got it? The clock starts right now.

[B]

Okay, okay, listen. I was there for you. You was there for me. My podcast. You was there for me. And the one thing I regret about our relationship is after you dealt with that shit with the RNC or whatever, that convention, and you was hot. Everybody don't say, what? Nigga, shut the fuck up. No, you was hot. I'm saying this is real shit. It's not a joke.

[F]

He was on fire.

[B]

One thing I regret is because you wanted me to be on the show. You was like, daniel, let's go. Put it into this shit. Come to the show, right? And I was excited about coming to the show.

[F]

He was excited.

[B]

I work with it. But you was hot. You was hot with Trump. You was hot with that.

[D]

It is true. Donnell is referencing that 24 hours after the Trump rally when all of the news would not shut the up about me.

[A]

Donnell was the booked guest. And with, and with.

[B]

Let's hear this please, guys.

[D]

With 10 minutes before the show started, he told me that he can't be on the show, that the block is too hot. He can't be associated with me right now.

[B]

No, I didn't say I couldn't.

[A]

No, I know, I know, I know. I, I. No, no, no, no. Don't boo him. No, no, no, no, no. It's not like that. He is.

[F]

But that's what he meant.

[A]

He is.

[F]

That's what he.

[C]

That's exactly what I meant. And I know I was like this. That was.

[F]

You are super fucking racist. I know, I know, I know, I know.

[A]

I am in love with Rob Schneider. Let the record show. I love you, baby. He is you, baby.

[E]

I love you.

[C]

And let me say this.

[B]

Yes, it was the hardest call to make. Cause we talked about it and we said d, you could just come up there and walk off. It was the hardest shit. I called my publicist nine times. I said, what if I do this? Whatever? She said, I don't know if that's a good idea. I was like, but that's my nigga, right?

[D]

That's me.

[F]

That was his.

[C]

That's right.

[F]

A Filipino man just used the N

[C]

word

[F]

on the biggest podcast in the fucking world. In the world.

[C]

In the world.

[B]

Lo, I know we having fun, but I just want to tell you this, it's one thing to regret because I was like this. I put somebody's. What they. I said, it's not a.

[C]

Know I'm going to say this.

[F]

That was one minute.

[C]

You sang through my minute.

[B]

I just want to say this. All jokes aside, whatever he just wants

[F]

to say because Just wants to say. He's going to say. He's about to say. He's interrupted while he's saying. But I think he's going to squeeze it in cuz he's, he's standing up. He's over his minute, but he's going to say it. And here it comes.

[B]

I'm going to have to. We can do this. We.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. You go ahead.

[B]

We can clown all we want, but I'm telling you.

[A]

No, no, no. We're kidding. We're kidding.

[J]

Go.

[E]

Go ahead.

[A]

Getting a taste of your own medicine here.

[D]

Go ahead.

[B]

It's whatever. I just want to say this. Yeah, you could. You could sing, whatever. But I'm saying it's the one thing because I. I said. And I told you, I said, yo, I wanted to be there for you and your show. I said, but right now, it feel like it's going to be political. You know, he was a coward.

[A]

Go ahead. No, the block was so hot. You guys don't understand. I don't blame anybody for not making that episode.

[B]

That's what I respect about you.

[F]

He was a.

[A]

Rob is getting. I'd love for someone. Can we get a statistician to go through the episode and see how many times Donnell interrupted when Rob had more to say? And then we will see if Rob actually caught up during this part. No, I think it's gonna be neck and neck. I think you guys are going to break about dead even.

[B]

Here I am trying as a black man.

[A]

Oh. Oh, well, in that case. Oh, no, don't do that. No, don't, don't. No.

[B]

I'm trying to have a moment.

[A]

You're in Texas. Don't say, as a black man, you're in Texas.

[B]

What I want to say is I felt bad because. And this is what I respect about you. I said, you. You said to me. You said, donnell, I understand, but that. Understand. You said, like, yeah, you got scared, right? And I was a little nervous about this, and I felt bad about it because our relationship is that when you call for me, I pulled up for you. We. In my little bullshit podcast, we can

[F]

cut this part out.

[B]

We're not.

[F]

It's editable. You just take a little bit. You cut this shit out. An episode still works, and it's funny. This podcast.

[C]

This podcast.

[F]

This podcast.

[B]

I want to say this. Yes, I know. Funny. And we could be funny all the time. You could do that gag all you want.

[F]

It's still working.

[C]

It's going to work.

[B]

And guess what? It's going to continue to work.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Because it's funny. But the point I want to make, whether you know it or not, the thing I felt bad about is because when I called you to do my. My little podcast, you showed up for me, bro.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And that thing that I was mad about is that in that situation, you.

[E]

No, I promise you, when it gets bigger, I'll show up, too. You watch.

[C]

I don't get. You watch when I tell you.

[A]

Get big. I don't.

[B]

I don't. I don't care about that.

[E]

No, I know. I don't either.

[B]

I'm talking about.

[E]

That's why I'm not going on your show. I'm sorry.

[A]

We're even now.

[E]

We're even.

[B]

Tony, you told me when to chill out. Can you tell this to chill out?

[A]

No doubt about it. No doubt about it.

[B]

You're a legend. I respect that.

[A]

Isn't it crazy that the white guy

[D]

on the show's named Rob? Isn't this weird?

[B]

No, this is what I want to say. I can man it up. I can man up. This is what I want to say, T. This I want to say. And I mean it. Y' all could crack a joke or whatever, but I. What I. What I'm saying is. What I'm telling you is that I respect you as a friend.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

I felt bad that I couldn't show up then. And I appreciate. Stop it, Rob, please.

[H]

Keep going.

[D]

Keep going.

[B]

Please don't do it.

[D]

Keep going.

[B]

What I'm saying is I appreciate. I appreciate what you are to comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nobody has a platform like this when you give people opportunities like this. And I apologize. Did I stick to my guns and be there for you? Because you always been there for me. Yo, yo. I mean, every. After Juanita, people gonna think I'm suspect.

[F]

After Juanita. Juanita.

[C]

I'm talking post Juanita now.

[B]

What I want to say is this, Tony.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I appreciate our friendship.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I appreciate what you mean, the comedy. I remember a time when you went through that when they tried to cancel you. You said. And everybody wasn't with you. You stayed to your guns and you did this. And right now you have one of the biggest on whatever.

[C]

And thank you. The sizzle is out.

[F]

The sizzle is out.

[B]

The fact that when I called you, I said, bruh, I'm trying to come back on your show. And you said, whatever you want to do, D. I mean, we can joke, whatever. I love you, bro.

[A]

Thank you, Donnell Rawlings.

[E]

That's beautiful.

[A]

You know what? That was so good. I'm giving you a medium sized joke book, Donnell. This is red band on that gag, by the way.

[E]

Unbelievable.

[A]

And let me tell you something. People are gonna say Donnell. Interrupts Donnell this. And people make their jokes about Chappelle and this and that. But let me tell you something.

[D]

The reason why people make the Chappelle

[A]

jokes about Donnell is because he was on the greatest comedy show of all time. And. And more than that, if you haven't, you absolutely have to see Donell Rawlings live. He's always touring donellrollings.com and the Donnell Rawlings show available everywhere where shows are possibly available because he is a true fucking comedian.

[C]

Can I say one last thing?

[A]

He wants to say one more thing. E. Darnell Brown, Rawlings talk space prize fix and toas. How loud can this place get for first time guest and nominee all ready for 2025 guest of the year, Rob Schneider. He is on [e-mail] it has begun. Rob schneider has entered the kill Tony universe and there's no going back. Future Austin resident Rob Schneider. The drawing from Ryan J. E belt is in guys. He blended in like camouflage. How loud can this place get for one of the greatest comedians in the world, Ari Madden. Let's see what Chris Rogers cooked up over there. Oh, it's Ari. Matty. Unbelievable. Rob, is there anything else you'd like to say? Unbelievable. First appearance on the show.

[E]

It's an honor to be here, honestly. And Austin, they said it's the best audiences in the world and I get it. You guys are the best. Thank you.

[A]

You are the man. Rob Schneider.

[E]

I love it, man.

[A]

We this is by the way, the fun fact this is very rare. Rarely happens because I've worked with and met almost everybody but this is the first time I've ever worked with Rob Schneider in any way and my God,

[E]

honored to be here.

[B]

What love.

[A]

Love it. First. Whatever. This is unbelievable.

[E]

If you want us, I know you can't do it during the show but Matt muhling and I have been on tour singing together and we can put a song together if you want.

[A]

Yeah. Play us out. Play us out. Playing us out tonight, guest of the year 2025 nominee, Rob Schneider. Thank you to talk space prize picks and to thank you to this audience. Red band.

[C]

Love you guys.

[A]

One, two, one, two.

[E]

Sister. Maybe. Maybe little sister.

[A]

Sam.

[L]

The sunset strip comedy club in Austin,

[A]

Texas is now open. Check out red band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

[C]

Sa.