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Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Reddit coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. It's cl. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Make some fucking noise for Brian Redband. And how about one more time for the best damn band in all the land. Ladies and gentlemen, Raul Vallejo. Fernando Castillo. Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez. Anachos Belgrande. The great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar. John Dees, the leader of the band on the keys and believe it or not, live in the flesh. This is D Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. This episode's brought to you by ExpressVPN, Shopify and Prize Picks. This episode is unfold Believable. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Nicked. Nicked is back, baby. They are our favorite pouches and this time it's 100% made in the USA, the greatest country in the world. They rebuilt it from the ground up. Each single piece of it all American source. These are higher quality premium ingredients, people. Right now, kil Tony listeners get 35% off unlimited orders for up to six, six months. Where else will you find this kind of deal? Only@nickedpouches.com Tony with code Tony. And get 35 off at NYKD pouches.com Tony nicked USA the pouches are back. Nick products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. This Friday, I'm an angel. See the wings. Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogen, Aziz Ansari and Keanu Reeves. Critics rave. It's Evan sent. Let me have a budget. Guardian angel kinda. You were very unhelpful. Good Fortune directed by Aziz Ansari. Rated R at New Balance. We believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running is all about. Run your way@newbalance.com running. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? How many of you consider yourselves big fans of kill Tony? Well, you're in verse special treat. Every week I book this mama jama as good as I possibly can. This is a three panel night. Three fucking panelists. You guys are in for such a special treat as I introduce Elaine, Sam Talent and Mike Feeney. Oh my God. Sam Talent, Mike Feeney, Anna Lee. Elaine is here, ladies and gentlemen. She looks awfully familiar. Looks like a hall of famer, a guest of the year, reigning defending. But she's a sweet lady. Comedy mothership. How we doing? Make some noise if we feel good about this show. I can't hear you. Make some noise. Let me just say this real quick. Tony, good to see you. You still look hungry red. Ben, you look like you drowned two weeks ago. I'm staying at a La Quinta inn just down the street. My friend Tony Caruso got me a hookup on the room. But let me say this about the hotel. There's blood on the sheets, there's cum on the floor. And say it with me. No breakfast. Hit me, Mike. Let's get it going. Elaine is here, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh. Looking an awfully, an awful lot like one of the greatest guests in the history of the show. Mike Feeney is here, ladies and gentlemen. Sandwiched in between two of the greatest guests ever, a sweet, sweet man, Mike Feeney. Excited to be back. And I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for the best fucking night of my life. How about that? Mike Feeney gets it. And another multiple time freak of nature guest. One of the highest ranked guests in the history of the show, one of the smartest people, one of the greatest stand up comedians in the world, Sam Talent is here. Oh yeah. I mean, I was going to talk about staying at the La Quinta and say I was ready for the greatest night of my fucking life, but here we are. So I'm also happy to be here and it's truly a pleasure to meet you, Elaine. Sam, I've been following you on Facebook since January 6th and you've been making a lot of great posts. Yeah, yeah. Well, someone's got to say something now that Charlie's gone. You know, Expressvpn, Shopify and Prize picks brings you this episode. Yeah, let's cut to a commercial. Where's Dr. Phil when you need him? This is so exciting. To have you guys, you guys all been on the show before. You know how it works. But maybe somebody brought their liberal girlfriend tonight to the show and they might not know exactly what's going on. Over 300 human souls signed up for the opportunity to possibly get one minute of stand up comedy on this stage so that they can show off to the millions of viewers at home. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. You have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I conduct an interview with them and they get feedback from this amazing esteemed panel of geniuses and anything can happen. The whole thing's improvised. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? So here's the deal. Starting tonight's show, we have a golden ticket winner from the great country of Canada, ladies and gentlemen. He just won. His last appearance was on the Netflix episode where he won a four person immediate, immediate killer be killed turbo round to do the arena here in Austin, Texas on New Year's Eve. So it's been a while since we've seen him. This is a brand new minute from Danny Martinello, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Danny. I was out in New York City, and while I was there, a couple of my buddies wanted to go on like a rap tour to see where all the Brooklyn rappers grew up. So we went there, and while we were walking around, my buddy goes, hey man, wouldn't it be sick if we had a time machine right now? I said, why? And he goes, because then we could go back in time and then be part of the culture when they were alive and walk around the same footsteps as they did. I was like, yeah, I'm all right on that, dude, to be honest. You know, just as a white guy from Canada, I'm not going back to a Brooklyn ghetto in the late 80s to get robbed at gunpoint, you know. And then his wife pipes up and she goes, yeah, well, you guys are stupid and you use a time machine for something dumb like that. And I said, well, what would you use it for, right? She goes, well, I'd probably make a difference in the world. I'd use my education to advance civilization. I said, oh, that's great, but what would you do? She goes, well, I'd go back in time to the 1400s and teach people modern medicine. Back then I had to look at her and go, at what point do you think a man would ever listen to you in the 1400s, let alone take a medical intervention. You know, they'd be like, oh, you have a cure for my ailments? Well, see, if you float, that's exactly what they would do. One word. They'd be like, get her, boys. The is a witch. You know, one. Yeah. Thank you. One person like that. Danny Martinello. Welcome back, Danny. How are you? I'm doing pretty good, thanks. Ton been going on in life. Has your life changed at all since being on Netflix's Kill Tony? No, not. Well, yeah, sorta. Yeah, but nothing. Nothing too crazy. Some doors have opened for sure. But what kind of doors have open? Oh, you know. Oh, you know, the front door, the back door, and the side of the shed, too. Canadians. I'll tell you, they can't help themselves. Well, it's great to be Canadian here because as soon as I walk in, all you guys start talking like me. So it's pretty welcoming. Well, it's kind of contagious. It gets airborne and anybody. It's a thing. Wow, Tony, absolutely beautiful impression. That doesn't sound like me. You cannot hide your disgusting Canadian twang. Yeah, I do like your accent. Say the word toilet for me. Toilet. Hilarious. Sam Talon. What do you think about this, man? It's just fun to hear a Canadian guy be racist, you know? Really? The accent belies, you know, the things you're saying, which is a nice, charming trick to use up there. Yeah, but, you know, it's like, oh, black people are dangerous. Yeah. Better lock their car doors. There's a lot of them coming to town lately. All right, well, that was a hard no from you guys. Well, sick when Sam does it, but when I. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, it's because I'm faking it. Yeah, it's an impression. Very funny. Very funny. Elaine, you ever been to Canada? I have been to. I went to a Toronto Blue Jays game. I used to let Joe Carter titty me in the 90s. Wow. Shout out to Joseph, wherever he is. They've got great poutine up there. Poutine? Have you ever had poutine? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. This Canadian. Your impression was better than Tony. Well, easy, easy. I want to come back. I want to come back. He's an amazing impression. I mean, she is an amazing impression. Oh, yeah. No one's better than Elaine. We're really doing it. Red band Elaine. Yeah, that sounds familiar. Come on, I've seen the show. I've seen. See you watch the show? Oh, yeah. Every. Every night when I Play with my. Who are your favorite guests? Oh, I like that Estonian guy. I like the black guy. I like the Asian guy. There's the wheelchair girl. She's fun. Boy, I don't know, but. Oh, boy. Can you. Can you narrow it down? Har Williams, fellow Canadian. He's a funny guy. Yes. Yes, he is. Who was your hero growing up, Daniel? Probably, like, I don't know, dude. I really like Steve Irwin. I'm not going to lie. When I grow up, I did. No. My mom let me stay home. And the Stingray got him. I watched the funeral service. I cried for two days. It was tough cry. That is some Canadian if I've ever heard it. My. My hero was Steve Irwin. Yeah. Yeah. How. How come it wasn't Rick Moranish? I don't know. Joey Moss is pretty sick, too, growing up watching him. Who the is that? Joey Moss was the equipment manager for the Edmonton Oilers. He. He was Wayne Gretzky's, like, girlfriend at the time and that. Well, like his brother. Sorry. And then he became the equipment manager, but then he was a staple in the Edmonton scene, and he's just a good, positive person. So funny how little your culture touches us. That guy's probably on a stamp up there. I'm like, oh, what did he do, bang Wayne Gretz? No. I don't know. And then you go, what? You got like Terry Fox and shit, but, like, the Terry Fox. Terry Fox, Yeah, he ran. I have no idea who that is. Well, you guys are asking me about Canada. You guys don't even know, but it's whatever. Oh, we don't even know. We don't even know. This is what you've been waiting for. The whole time Tony's just been lighting me up, being like, one day I will really get you. And this is it. When he says that, is he talking through a trach scar, smoking a cigarette? Well, you watch that. You're going to have one of those one day. All right. I have a lot of friends with tracheotomies. You do? Most of my friends. Well, most of my friends are dead or have aids, but most of them that are alive have tracheotomy because we smoke a lot. I love to smoke. I see you smoke. Let's spark one up. All right, we're going to Elaine. Let's get Danny out of here. Danny, good job. Way to get the show started. Danny Martinello. I'll light one up right after this bucket pool gets called. Danny did 60 seconds, but now we're to the bucket. This is where shit gets Crazy. We don't know these people. Very rarely have we ever seen them before. Everyone's hoping to have the best possible time of their lives up here. Anything can happen. This is 60 seconds from what looks like a new name. Make some noise for Wilson, everybody. A one word name. Wilson. Howdy. How many cans of beer does it take to kill a man? I don't know, but it only took me one to kill that eight year old. Speaking of cans, I never really understood the canned food drive. This goes men like they're homeless, right? How they gonna open it? I doubt they have a can opener, much less a stove. Guess they could see how many cans of food it takes to kill a man. Got a pretty good idea how many an 8 year old can handle, you know what I mean? So I lost my dad last year to als. There's a lot of little sad pit stops. Comes with als. A lot of crushing moments, lots of loss. Started with his ability to run, eventually to walk. Now one day is his ability to eat or even breathe for himself. A lot of sad moments. So I can't tell you how psyched I was when I came in one morning to get him up and he was pitching a tent. I guess I'm the only one who's seen his dad rock hard and felt real joy. Thank you. All right, Wilson. I liked it. 40 seconds of straight Cannes comedy. Crushing. Unbelievable. Very rarely do people do that well with Cannes jokes. That was great. Never thought about the homeless thing before. You got a fucking full applause break from Elaine. Oh, I loved it. I love a good homeless guy. You know, I let a homeless guy titty me in the 90s for charity. Oh, Sam Talon. Was it in Toronto? Yes. Nice. It was Joe Carter. Oh. Oh, I. Hey, I. When you came out, you have one name. What's the one name thing all about? People like it because that movie Castaway, you know, they like screaming it now. Who are people? Did you do a survey when you decided to. If we're being honest, it's all the substitute teachers I've ever had in my life. It just gets a Wilson. Just scream. Wilson thinking they're comedians. When he came out as Wilson, did anyone else expect him to be a black man? Yes, I did too. I was hoping to look like John Lennon, sound like Keanu Reeves and get a free titty fuck from me after the show. Wow. They're very attractive is what I'm saying. But the voice. The voice is something to be desired. Wilson, let's talk about it here. What do you do for work? I'M a landscaper. Wow. White landscaper. Amazing. The rare bird here in Austin. Yes, sir. How long have you lived here? Born, raised. Wow. Amazing. How long have you been doing stand up? Just under a year. Okay. Are you getting sexier? Are you lowering your voice as you're talking? What's in your pocket? A modulator? Yeah. Show us your penis. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Elaine. Sorry. That's my new catchphrase. See me at the Tropicana next Thursday through Friday. Two days. Don't be rude. Show the lady your penis. No, Wilson, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it, Wilson. Okay. You're turning me on, man. We're in front of people. How old are you, Wilson? I am 25. And you've been landscaping the whole time? Yes. I had a few jobs before that. I'm a college dropout. I dropped out to take care of my dad. Okay. When did your dad pass away? Last year. And what was he doing with his life up until that point? So he made all of his money as a real estate owner. He had his own business bailing people out of the 2008 tax crisis or the housing crisis. Yeah. And so that's how he made all of his money. Buy the loans from the bank and then got it cover it. Amazing. Als, an unbelievably terrible disease. The late, great Michael Lehrer had it. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. One of the funniest people and one of my old best friends. It's terrible to watch people go, is that Lou Gehrigs? Yes, sir. Did he get a tit? Fuck Elaine. Because of that. He would have. Yeah. The best lane charity for charity. Like my joke was real. His dick did still work for surprisingly long time. They do work. Michael is banging his nurse down to the finish line. Is wild. Yeah. And he started to say, you know, you remember Michael Lehrer from the show. And he started to sound like that. Everybody sounds like that towards the end. How long after his diagnosis did he pass away? Three years. That's. That's normally the thing. It's terrible. Was, did anything funny happen? As in your last hello or goodbye or anything? Well, yeah, other than his rock hard cop. Yeah. Such a throbbing erection on his deathbed. So. So when he passed away, I had just gotten back from going out with my girlfriend and so he had passed before I was able to say bye. And I had always thought that I would say goodbye. So I went in after he'd passed away and I remember that he was a lot greener than I had pictured someone to look when they had passed away. Yeah. And I remember I went up to my room, you know, drank a bunch, cried a lot. I remember I'd had some mint chip ice cream in the freezer and that was my favorite. How long is your story, Elaine? For the love of. Fuck it. I have to pee. I have to pee. Jesus fucking Christ. So I went down to get the mint chip ice cream to eat it. You know, I thought it'd make me feel better. And I picked it up, his empty. And I remembered how green his lips were. And for a little bit, I was more mad about that and not saying goodbye. It's like you fucking ate my mint chip ice cream then. Fucking there it is. I love that. I love that. Well, circle. Get your square. Yeah. Tell us something else crazy about you or your life. You have any special skills, talents, hobbies? Anything? Yeah. Love hunting, Love fishing. I'm a beekeeper. Dad loved beekeeping. Wow. Wow. Yes. Can you look me in the eyes while you talk? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm pretty close. Yeah. Man, I would love to shave your head. Ladies. Am I wrong? I've never felt more alone. All right. Hey. Never mind. Yeah, you're kind of dreamy, Wilson. No, I get that a lot from men for sure. So I'm just another slut. But you have a girlfriend full time? I do. I do. What does she do? She works at a genetic research lab. Is that how you were made? Yeah. Right. Then I wouldn't have a dead dad. Wow. Fucking Christ. Way to suck the energy out of the room. Son of a bitch. Try to wait. How many bees do you keep at once? I was just kidding. I don't give a fuck. All right, we're not going to be keeping you any longer. Wilson. Great performance. Here's the big joke book. There you go, my friend. Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, a fantastic bucket pool. Representing the Bucket tonight where anything can happen. That's his Kill Tony debut. Oh my God. What a sight for my weary eyes. The great Heidi is here, ladies and gentlemen. Her brand new podcast is out heidy regina.com. hello. This podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. It is in network. Talk Space is covered by most insurers and most insured members pay a copay of $0. Switch providers at no extra cost. Find the licensed provider that fits your needs. Talk Space is affordable even out of pocket. Therapy can be costly, but the part of the mission of Talk Space is to provide quality care that is accessible. Whether or not you are insured. Talk Space makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. Red Band Tony I love Talk Space and I think they're providing some of the best mental health treatment out there. Therapy has been transformative in my own life and I can't recommend it enough. And as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S P A C E80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com/tony and enter the promo code SPACE80 hello there. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Look, I make big decisions every day, but on Prize Picks being right can get you paid. How about that? Don't miss any of the excitement with Prize Picks this season. Where it's good to be right. It's so fun and simple to play. In fact, this week on Prize Picks, I'm picking Joe Burrow for more or less than 2.5 passing touchdowns. I think he's going to do more. He's a good guy. Former Buckeye, former Tiger. You got it. 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Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Medina, everybody. We're gonna meet Medina. All together now. Hey guys. So you can probably tell by looking at me. My pronouns are usa. I usually walk out to Bruce Springsteen, Born in the usa just in case they had my Passport back there. I identify as biracial because my dad is black and my mom is African American. But my body. My body is gentrifying itself. Yeah. You know, you have vitiligo because it starts with a couple spots and then pretty soon you don't recognize the neighborhood anymore. It's just not what it used to be. Best part about having vitiligo, though, is kids always come up to me and ask me, what happened to your hand? And I get to tell them, well, when I was your age, my mom told me to do something and I didn't listen and she smacked the black off me. Listen to your parents. I'll leave it there. Thanks, guys. My name's Medina. Medina. I love it. First time on the show. Welcome. How long you been on stand up? Three years. Three years. Where at? Philly region. I'm from Delaware. Okay. Represent Philly? Absolutely. Hell, yeah. All right. Awesome. And again, I missed it. It was going so fast. What are your parents? What's the mash up here? Black and black, black and black. Okay. All right. So the burka kind of comes out of nowhere there. Yeah. Think Malcolm X. Okay. I always do. I love it. What do you do for a living? I am a state representative. Oh, my God. Official in Delaware. Like, where at Delaware State House. Holy shit. Yeah. How pissed are they going to be that you're on this show? This is wild. This is crazy. Yeah. Not old. And I just had my birthday and I'm getting divorced. Whoa. I love it. Hell, yeah. So the relationship, like, your skin was a bit patchy, a little bit nice. That was okay? Hell, yeah. How long were you married to this guy? 12 years. 12 years. Oh, my God. Why did it end? Can I ask? Well, I'll just tell you. A week after we separated, my eyelids started filling in. So, like, my skin turned brown again. So that's a good thing. Yeah, it's like stress induced. So wait, break that down. So it was like some sort of reverse Sammy Sosa? What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. So wait, so. So it was wider than it started getting? Yeah, they were both completely white. And then I looked in the mirror the other day and I was like, huh. I guess getting divorced was the right decision. Well, it's his loss. What was. What's your favorite? What is your favorite? If it could be my favorite? Your favorite what? You didn't even finish the question that you're not supposed to be asking Elaine. I mean, specifically, I do have favorites. The favorite, the type is like, would you prefer it to be brown? Or not brown. What the fuck, Elaine? Are you asking her what her favorite color is? Think of. Before you ask a question, think about what you're asking. She's. She's from a different time, Tony. Okay, look, I used to Joan Rivers. We could say the N word at breakfast. Okay, so. I'm so sorry. I'm a big fan though. I mean, my favorite white patches are my eyelids. Yes. Because it's better for eyeshadow. Yes, you're telling me. Yeah, but I. I miss my brown lip liner that I had like my built in lip liner. I do miss that. That's a good question. Thank you. They're on you, but I think it's. You are a politician. I was just gonna say a true politician. Yeah, great question. You don't want to lose your constituents. Yeah. The elderly are a big block. Yeah. She. Trust me. This is a mail in ballot if I've ever seen one. Right here. We call her the ballot box. Whoa. Someone just talked themselves out of a titty. Keep up that link. I keep losing weight. I can do myself. How long have you been. Okay. How long have you been a state representative for? I'm going into my sixth year. Oh, my God. So tell us about that. Tell us what? Some things that you didn't expect about that job. We've never had a state representative on the show before. This is amazing. Oh, amazing. Okay. I would say I wish that we had a light. Like, I wish my colleagues only had so much time because they just go on and on. Yeah. What else about it? Democrats and Republicans all suck. Exactly. I agree with that. Rock and roll people think I'm a Republican all the time. They just think I'm a staunch Republican. But it's not that way at all. You're just rich. It happens. Common sense centrists that just saw in the last election that there was only one option. You're considered a Democrat though, correct? Yeah, but I'm like very far left. Right. I could tell by the everything. But you have an amazing sense of humor. This is incredible that you would come to this show and do it. So you're taking stand up very seriously. I took the Greyhound bus. Whoa. Wow. Was it totally gray or was it kind of blue? It was blue. Tell us about the Greyhound bus. 7:25am Got on the Greyhound in Fort Worth and stopped in some random town, Hillsborough or something. Okay. Was there. Was there a BUC EE's there at least? No, there was a loves. Okay. All right. Well, we love it. I love it too. I love it. Go ahead Elaine, I just want the bus. I've taken the bus many a times. I've been felt up many a times. I've been fingered. I've been. Last time I took the bus from Austin to San Antonio, I was fingered by the bus driver while he was driving. I'll send you a link. But it was. But there's something to be said about the people on the bus. There's so many different flavors and characters. Did you see anyone that made you go, oh, I'm gonna write a joke about them, you know? Yeah, but I'm a politician, so I probably should say that you're also on a fucking show. And don't get her started on the wheels. I mean, the bus driver, I loved hearing her take on the World. She's really loud. And she was talking about how, like, he talks about freedom of speech, but apparently not. Apparently not for everybody. And, like, she was going in, and I was like, this is. This is the America I love. Right? Like, you can. You can have voted for Trump and not agree with everything, just like you can be a Democrat and not suck. Like, we. We exist in multiple. Absolutely. We all do. We're all meeting in the middle. We are, indeed the United States of America, the greatest country in the world. I wish I could vote that gun. Things caught up to me. I'd love to give you one vote. I won. In 2020, I won a primary by 43 votes. What? Every vote counts? Wow. We all know what a primary is, too. What does that mean exactly, Sam? I don't get it. I was being facetious. Please explain. No, we know. We know what a primary is. Oh, I don't. You don't? No, I don't. Wait, what the fuck? What are you. What's going on with you? I've been eating a lot of raspberries. I don't. I don't. I don't vote. I don't like the tyranny of democracy. I believe in freedom. Wow, Great. I would love to live in your country, Sam. You do? It's the best one. Okay. Where else can all of us hang out? We got fucking. These guys over there, you know, Mike Slievel list. We got a blind black guy that's worth two. There's a lot of progress being made up here. Is that fair to say, ma'? Am? Let's get back to the guests here. So when you were campaigning, was there any. Did you have any big moments where, like, you knew you were gonna win or, like, a big. Or, like, some type of, like, you know, just A big catchphrase or something that like. Like, got you victory, you know, like Biden, for example, lost because he was dead. Right. And he couldn't do anything. He couldn't speak in public. So we know why he lost. Trump got shot at. I knew. Swung it, came up with blood, pumped his fist. People are like, oh, like, he won. Yeah. So, like, did you have any moments, like, you know, remember that great Howard Dean who kind of was like the front runner and then he went crazy going, wow, Minnesota. Yeah. Yeah. Tell us about your campaign. You have any tricks, catchphrases, anything? Going up against some. Yeah, I mean, it's really corny now. Yeah, let's do it later. But it was. Let's make a difference together. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Unbelievable. Delaware. Yeah. Earth shattering. Yeah. They weren't ready. I mean, we won. It was close, but. Does anybody ever think you work in the Bed, Bath and Beyond part of Target? Did you ever use your vilago? Am I saying that right? Vilago. Vitiligo, Vitiligo. Yeah. Vitiligo, Vitiligo, Vitiligo, Vitiligo, Vitiligo. Skyrizi. Vitiligo, vitiligo. You ever use that to your advantage while campaigning? Like, I bring everyone together. Look, I'm this and I'm that. No. Yeah. Yeah. Is there a yarmulke under that? Samuel. Samuel. Samuel. Samuel. You know, that's across the aisle. Samuel. Samuel. Is there. Is there. No. No. Okay. No. I love it. Anything else crazy we should know about you, Medina? Any other. Sometimes I have Stevie Wonder braids with beads under here, since you were wondering. Stevie Wonder? Yeah, like, just imagine like Hotter Than July. Like the alcohol cover D Madness says Stevie Wonder eyes. Like a reference much different than the hairstyle. I'm actually in a hooting the Blowfish cover band called Stevie Wonder's Eyes. Oh, you just knocked a Red Bull on your. Well, looks like it's time to squirt another one of my catchphrases. Thank you, Michael. Not the first Tropicana next Thursday and Friday. Oh, perfect. I think your has wings. Now for the Red Bull can. Landed it was already red. A Red Bull can on your. Elaine. Don't you make my mustache fall off. Elaine. I didn't hear it hit the floor, though. Swallowed it up. It drank it. Hit me with a Stargate suction cup sound. Here we go. Wait, wait. All right. Good job, Red band. You're fired. Red could have hit any button in the world. And you made a noise with your mouth. You're ready. I'll drop it and then do it. Ready? Ray, Ben. Right, here you go. One, two, three. Perfect red band. How dare you. My son is watching this. Medina, I love your style. Congratulations. Amazing stuff. And a state representative. Boom. Got it. The Kiltoni debut of Medina. Let me tell you, we are on a streak with this bucket of one of my favorite coincidences. Coincidences in the world. And that is one word. Names. Let me remind you, we've had Wilson, Medina and three in a row. Ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise. All right, there you go. Awesome. Make some noise for decks, everybody. It's Dex. I look like I ran here at the gym. They call me the StairMaster. Why is there an F in KFC? Because when you buy some, hell yeah. You got F in kfc. I should introduce myself. My name's Dex. Which is cool cause I look like a Doug. I look like Corinthians 4. 20. Sometimes I think porn is addicted to me. I think Ludacris was real skinny until he started singing. Get out the way. That's a whey protein joke. Do you know what is really odd? Half of all integers. And that joke about Ludacris, what was that about? All right, all right. That was actually so minute. 15 seconds. One more time for Dex, everybody. Dex, grab that mic. I'm going to interview you now. Hell yeah, dude. Welcome to the show, brother. You have your own style. Very defined, very funny. Hell yeah. How long you been doing standup? Five years. Two for real. I love it. Where at? Montana. Okay, that and for people with mental illness. Yep. Cause I have mental illness. We can tell. What exactly have you been diagnosed with, Dex? Bipolar. Right after graduating as an engineer. That's gotta be tough in the heat. Two can play at this game. Dex, Dex, Dex, Dex. So you graduated from college to be an engineer. How did you know that? What was happening to where you went to get a diagnosis of bipolar? Oh, just lost my mind, literally. Tell us about that. Oh, it's like Halloween and. Oh, this is fascinating because I'm from Montana, drove out east. Actually I was slow it down. You're doing good, Dex. You're doing good. You're doing good. You don't want to slow it down too much here. So you're doing just fine. There was a seriously a 400 pound when I was losing the church was like, oh, go help that lady. And so I did for two years. You helped a 400 pound lady? She was a hoarder marine. Hell yeah. Or hoorah. Uh huh. She wanted her cousin to move in with her. So we got it ready. And then I flew out to Baltimore and lost my mind. I was three days homeless out there, and then. And the guy in Helena is like, don't call the cops. Cause I finally. I tore up my credit card and then went to the hospital. Oh, yeah, I remembered Carrot Top, even though I didn't use his number. But, yeah, I called my dad and he came, rescued me. That's crazy. How does Carrot Top fit into this? Cause I was using 1-800- call ATT. And I was like, carrot Top? And he's like, nah, that's not his number. Ah, you made a collect call. Yeah. The name that you used was Carrot Top. Yeah. That's the fastest I've ever told that story. That's good. No, you're doing good. How many times a week would you say you use fentanyl? Ooh. I was. Oh, I shouldn't say this. Yes, you should. You're on the show. This is the time to share the interesting parts of your life. I work at this little cabin, and there was like, one little one. I was like, oh, that's prescription. And then it had what, it had an M on it? No, it had a letter on it. And I was like, oh, that's some serious stuff. What the fuck is going on? What's happening? What's going on? What are you saying? Am I high? Yeah. Am I in a prank show right now? Redman, you're doing good. It's like we got high through osmosis when you came out. Yeah. When you tell the stories, do they make sense to you? Is there someone else in there finishing the story? Yeah, there is someone. I heard the voice at some point. Go. You're going too fast. You're going. Slow it down. Dan. Yeah. It's like, what? Yeah. Your timing is all. Joking aside, your timing is very funny. You got a lot of laughs. When you said integer. I got real nervous, but you said, but also excited. Hit me by up. So. So let's talk about it. Dex. Your stand up is the thing that brings you the most joy in the world, right? Yeah. And you travel around and you do that, but you mostly do it in Montana, correct? Yeah, but I road tripped here. So I'm at least going to spend a week. We're gonna get on the circuit. When you say we, are you talking about the voices in your head, or did you come with somebody from. Just me and my van. And I love it. I love it. So you have a van and you're sleeping in the van. I'm guessing. Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah, awesome. Guessing. It's not a lot of sleeping in that van. I think it's a lot of. Anything crazy happen on your drive here from Montana? Yeah. Last Sunday, I signed a woman's boobs as Forrest Gump. Nice. Wow. Very. All right. All right, I'll show you. No, no, no, Elaine. We can't do it. YouTube, big restrictions here. Thank you for calling them big. Yes, Dex, very interesting. How do you make money? Oh, I just work for my folks, but, yeah. What do your folks do? They're decently off, so I just, like, mow long. I do as much as I can with mental illness. It's fucking hard. It's hard to be an adult where you're just like, I suck at this. How old are you, Dex? 42. Okay, awesome. But we can do it as long as we have someone holding my hand. You're doing a great job. Yeah. Wow. I like style, buddy. Also, I liked your jokes. The jokes were great. They were quick, man. There was a great word economy. You got good jokes. You got a mental illness. You're kind of perfect for the show. I mean, this feels. I've got 400 of them. Four jokes? You got 400 jokes? Yeah, but I'm perfect for a five minute. I can't even stand more than five minutes. That's amazing. You're doing a great job, Dex. Are you on medicine now? Did they have you on medicine? No. So, yeah. Yeah. So I. I quit all that stuff. When did you quit? After five years. I was in and out of the house. But when. When. How long ago did you quit? So we. 10 years ago. Perfect. We've been doing good. We've only had one relapse. I went schizophrenic on a river trip, and those 17 people don't hang out with me. Nothing beats a jitsu holiday. Wow. Wow. That's hysterical death. Oh. Oh. Do you want to titty fuck me in your van tonight? I really like your style. Bring some whey protein, dude. You don't blink. It's terrifying. I got to be honest. And actually, Wait. Stop blinking. It's worse. Tell us about the relapse with the 17 people. Just out of curiosity because it seems so interesting. It seems like you have a real grasp on this thing, that you're aware of it when it's happening, that you're used to it. Yeah, I'm like, I got my van. I'm got my shuttle all set up. And then bro's just like, can I get a ride? And Then he has these shrimp scampi that he doesn't even put in a cooler. And then that they eat those. That was crazy. But I just lose every night of sleep on that trip. And then I just. I don't go at any. No sleep for six days. You will lose your mind and then your mind's sleep. Hold on. The no sleep is because of the manic episode or because of drugs? No, just. No, I'm zero drugs. So it's just. It was the shrimp scampi. Yeah. So six days with no sleep and then what happened? Oh, I see. Yeah. So like, yeah, I could just document it. Cause it's more than drugs. Like it's crazy. Like everything's just like, whoa. So what happened on the relapse that you're talking about? Like, what happened? Do you remember what happened to where the people don't want to hang out with you anymore? Oh, yeah. Then they just dropped me off at my parents house. Cuz that's where I have to live with mental illness. And then. Oh, I ran that night. I was like, oh, fuck, it's like a forest scene in here. And then I ran out. I just ran naked. I was going to run into the woods. There we go. Now we're talking. This is what I'm looking for. Then there's clarity because. And then I just. I say, fuck you, mom and dad or something like that. And you're naked at the time? No, actually I said they're Catholic, so I was like, no, I literally said I'm masturbating. And then I thought my dad was gonna run after me, so I'm just booking. What was that? The hope? Yeah. Is that how. Is that how you get off? So I'm getting up the street and then my name. You guys are interrupting greatness, by the way. Let Dexter fucking talk. You three, put the fucking microphones down. Dex. Keep going. And then my neighbors. And then my neighbor is just like, whoa. And I'm like, push him, push him. Because I think my dad is chasing a spotlight. Keynote. Keep going, Dex. We have mountains that are about a mile away, but then the police. Police department's a half a mile away. So I'm just like, let's run there. Because they have those CIT officers that help with mental illness. Yes. And then I say, hey, I need a CIT officer. I fucking love you. I really do. You're just cool as fuck. Dex, how much time do you have? You have 400 jokes. Yeah. And we can stay here as long. My plan is to stay here For a month if it worked out and I got. So this is wild. Yeah, you're in it right now, Dax. Yeah. I love people like that. Oh, yeah. Thank you, guys. Mentally ill people that know they're mentally ill and admit to being mentally ill and aren't all. You know, some people really, really, really, really, really do need medication and this and that. But it seems like you're just kind of aware of your situation. Do you the. Well, when did that last, what you call a relapse happen? The river trip? 2017. Right. And since then? Nothing. And do you sometimes feel something coming on and make changes? Yeah. I dedicated my life to sleep. Sleep was like a bus that you get on and then I constantly miss that bus. So. Yeah, this is real. I love this. Do you have a catchphrase? Hell yeah. That's what we were gonna say, but we only got a minute. That's right. Yep. Anything else for Dex, guys? You said you document when you're having an episode. How do you document it? Is it like just writing out all work and no play? Or do you film it or what do you do? Oh, fuck. Like at a campfire when people wanna listen to a four hour story, who listens to it? You call your 17 people and I threw them under the bus just for comedy. But they. I don't get invited to a dinner party. You're not missing out. Dinner parties are overrated, you know. It's not getting titty fuck in your van tonight. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Dex, I think it's great that you're. You're taking personal accountability for your mental health. And I think it's very brave. Very cool. You did an excellent job at the comedy too, man. Yes, very cool, man. Very cool. Dex, I think you're built for this. Yeah, of course. Confident, funny. You want to do a spot on the secret show on Thursday? Hell hell yeah. There you go. If you're not gonna do it, I will, you dork. Boom. You get to open up the secret show with five minutes. This stiff ass. If you had just B cup titties, he would have had you on. There's his name. Write it on your little lineup. Next time I bump you like that, maybe you should just do it yourself. Looks like you're in control of things, Dex. You're doing the secret show on Thursday night at the Sunset Strip Comedy club. You just got booked for a real gig. How many you are going to go Thursday just to see? Dex, See that? Look at that right there. Liars. Oh, Dex. Here's a big joke book buddy. There you go. Boom. Make some noise for Dex. One more time for Dex. Get some information from Dex so that Red bank can contact him. Get a phone number or a license plate or something. Whatever we have to do. Hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Nicked. Nicked is back, baby. They are favorite pouches and this time it's 100. Made in the USA, the greatest country in the world. They rebuilt it from the ground up. Each single piece of it all American source. These are higher quality premium ingredients, people. And here's the difference. With Nicked, other brands are using wood pulp, but Nicked uses a coconut fiber blend that actually feels and hits fits just right. So the only wood pulp is in your pants. Red band Tony. I love Nicked. These pouches are so much better than any of the other ones I've tried. Nick has the best flavors and they last so much longer. Plus their pouches don't hurt my sweet little gums like the other brands do. I love Nipped. I mean Nick. Right now, keltoni listeners, get 35 off unlimited orders for up to six months. Where else will you find this kind of deal? Only@nickedpouches.com Tony with code Tony. And get 35 off at NYKD pouches.com Tony nicked USA the pouches are back. Nick products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. The holidays have arrived at the Home Depot and we're here to help bring the excitement with decor for every part of your home. Check out our wide assortment of easy to assemble pre lit trees so you can spend less time setting up and more time setting celebrating. And bring your holiday spirit outdoors with unique decor like one of our Santa inflatables. Whatever your style, find the right pieces at the right prices this holiday season at the Home Depot. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Busco Jones, everybody. You guys having fun out there? So for a little While in my 20s, I thought I was gay. Turned out though, I was just really, really bad with the women. I am what my daughter's generation would have called a simp. Which all that means is just being nice to women, which if you know anything about your teens and twenties, women don't want that or they're not interested. So I learned how to become an asshole and now I am a father of three with two women. So it worked out. My wife is bi polar, not the fun one. It is Entertaining a little bit. It's like a psycho thriller, though, not like sexy, cool, fun type of thing going on. So I am married. Anybody happily married in here? Bunch of lying motherfuckers. I didn't get married to be happy. Marriage is not. It rhymes with mortgage. It's not a happy word. A happy word is mistress. It's mysterious. It's short, fun. I've been Busco Jones. Thank you all very much. Busco. All right, so it's Busco, not Busco. You've been on this show before, right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. All right, well, welcome back, guys. What'd you think about Busco? You know busco? That means to search, correct? I search. I'm searching for the punchlines, but no, no Busco. Here's what I think, man. You have a confidence, and you're, like, calm. It's just when the jokes catch up to that, I think you're really gonna have something, you know? I mean, that I'm trying to give you. No, no, because you're not nervous. It's like. You're, like, laid back, you know, I think you're engaging. It's just when the jokes get there, man, I think there's gonna be something special. Although you are also sweating, though, pretty profusely. You're dripping. Yeah. I'm more nervous than you're telling me. Really. I appreciate that. That's. I didn't see until you turned that your face looks glazed. Like a hand. So wet. Just so wet. I happen to think you are very confident. You do have Chili's bouncer energy. Nice. Thank you. As a compliment, but you came out, you grabbed the mic. You knew where to put it, and you knew where to, you know, you put one foot in front of the other. But Sam's right, the jokes, it's gonna take time. How long have you been doing Santa with Mike's? For about 10 years. You go to Chili's a lot of Lane. Oh, my God. I practically live there. You got a coupon? What do you get? What do you get when you go there? That's a personal question. Shrimp scampi? Hit me, Mike. Thank you. Unbelievably amazing, Busco. You've been on the show once or twice before. Twice. Twice. Okay, tell us something about you that we didn't learn the other times you were on. You've been on before. I remember all the sets have kind of been just, okay, and then whatever. Fair enough. So let's. You've had some time to think about this. The most interesting thing I. You Sign up every week. No, no, I can't get down here every week, but whenever I get down here. Okay. For sure. I mean, I'm. It sounds lame. I'm a father of twins. That's. That's it? Just those two? That's pretty cool. That's fun. Okay, you have to. If you have to tell us how cool it is, then I'm. Imagine we don't know why it's cool. No, no. I'm a successful real estate agent. Agent. Which is. You are. You do the comedy of successful real estate. Exactly. I'm no longer at the pizza place anymore, which is great. Y' all gave them a huge bump. Did you get fired from that? No, I quit. I was. I was good. I was. I was only there for, like, two years. Just for. Yeah. Kind of fun. Is that your real estate company on the shirt? Yeah. Yes, sir. Is that why you came out here? To just be a human billboard for 60 seconds? I'm not. I mean, this is a capitalist society. I'm not a gift against that. It wouldn't hurt, but. But I'm still trying. I'm still. Yeah. Other than the fact that you coincidentally made twins with your sperm, is there anything else interesting about you that we don't know or about your entire life? No, man. I can't beat Dex, dude. That. Dude, you are correct. You can't. It's insane. You already have a little joke book, right? Yeah. Go fill it up with good jokes. Busco. There he goes. Busco Jones, everybody. Some interviews go longer. Some I just. Just fly right through. That's one of those short interviews. We are going to go with a very special treat. This is this guy's Kill Tony debut. He came recommended by Shane Gillis, James McCann and Sam Talon. He's visiting from Perth, Australia. This is the Kill Tony debut of Andrew Wolf. Hey, guys. How you going? You good? Yeah, I'm not. Well, thanks for asking. I don't know if you get a vibe I'm not right in the head. Do you feel this? I'm Steve Irwin on meth. Instead of Crocoliles, I'm wrestling the homeless, you fuckheads. How good's America? Can we give it a clap? Land of the free, home of the gun. My only complaint as a tourist. Why can't I get one from the airport? What the fuck's going on? I'm walking into Call of Duty without a weapon. You motherfuckers. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm getting fucking. I tell you every time I'm getting on stage. I'm scaring the fuck out of people. I feel it. Now you're looking at me like you've got into an Uber and realize the driver doesn't have the app. He's just staring back. He's locked the windows. He's got his dick out, going, let's ride. Staring at you in the rear view mirror. Have any of you guys looked at the mirror and seen your reflection? It's so bad. You've had to take a day off work. Have you had that? Spend the day fucking? I just want to be more comfortable in my body. Are you guys comfortable in your bodies? Not everyone gets it. My ex's mother in law, she had plastic surgery at 67. 67. Is that. Is that leaving it a bit late? That's like renovating a house three weeks before the demolition. What are you doing? She got a boob job. That's like taping two balloons to a skeleton. Holy fuck, it's Halloween. It's a house of horrors with two ghosts in front. I'm dating her. I'm dating her right now, so chill the fuck out. Hey, the sex is no good. Any of you guys good at sex? Exactly. No one said fuck all. No one teaches you how to be good at sex. Growing up, you learn about sex the same way you learn about ghosts. An older kid takes you into the woods and scares the fuck out of you. Thank you very much. Fuck yeah. Andrew Wolfe, welcome to the Kill Tony universe. Thank you for having me. Amazing stuff, especially there towards the end. I'm sorry? Early on in your set when you're like. I don't know if you could tell, but I'm kind of crazy. Two. Before you was Dex. Oh, dead. I mean, like, you seem like a fucking heart surgeon after death. So, like, it's incredible. I can feel no one understands what the fuck I'm saying. I can feel it. You're doing good, bud. I feel like I'm in a foreign country trying to order food. Get me some bread, cunt. I don't know what's going on. Love it. How long are you. It's scary as well. This reminds me of my mum. This guy just staring at me. Quit comedy and go back to accounting, you fucking loser. Go back to accounting. She's like my inner monologue, just chatting on. I don't know where her personality ends and my mental health begins. Right. All I know is I can't gas myself in a car anymore because they've lowered the emissions. Yeah. I fucking love it. Yeah, man. High energy I've been bombing in that other room. Yeah, you have. Don't worry, you don't have to take. Tell them how the other set went. You don't have to tell them all about other things. I'm going. So good. Just keep going. Keep doing good. This is the one that matters. Yeah, this matters, baby. Let's give it up for Gail. Tony, how long you been doing stand up? Oh, 2012. Long enough to quit. Dude, I should have given up. No, you're doing great. Nothing's happened for me. How long? I do live in the most isolated city in the world, so no one's seen me. That's true. Perth. Who knows? It might change now. Guys, Perth specifically used in the movie Kill Bill because it is such an isolated city that that's where the elitist Bill supposedly moved to. It's like known for being an isolated city. Tell us about Perth. Fuck. It's a scary place, guys. Hey, everyone from Perth's called sand gropers in Australia. I don't know if you know the word groper, but. Oh yeah, that's a word for sexual assault. That means sexual assault, so that says it all. But Jack Delamela, Jack Della Madeleine is from there. Okay? He lives nearby. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't respect me. Why? Well, I'm a small, feeble man. Hey, look at me, I'm a nerd. Yeah, but Perth's amazing. Hey, you should come there sometime. Yeah, that's on the eastern side of Australia, correct? Yeah. Is the weather there? Good? The weather's hot as shit. Dude, look at me. I look 65 years old. That's true. Might be time for some plastic surgery. Oh, dude, I need it. As soon as I get some money. I just. I don't know, I can't even get a good haircut. I look like a middle aged housewife with a perm. Is gold mining still a big thing in meth? Yeah. That's all we do, right? Two weeks in the hole, two weeks out of the hole on meth. Do you do that sometimes? Nah, dude, they won't trust me. Down the hole. Tell them what you did. Tell them how good you are at business. Failed stockbroker. So I used to work in a boiler room. We do 300 calls a day. Yeah, convincing retirees to give us their life savings. So. And it didn't work out for you? It didn't work out for me or for them, to be honest. But it almost worked out for you, right? They ring up and the stocks are down. I'm like, well, you gotta spend Money to make money. We're down 90%. We're gonna come good from here, Cheryl. Wow, Poor Cheryl. Poor father. Share right now. I'm out of that now, so. Yeah. Why, what happened last. Tell that story. You told me that I cried and threw up. Well, yeah, I actually did well at stockbroking. I used to have five houses, had some money, but turns out bipolar is a hell of a drug. Hey, it fucked me up. You're bipolar too? Yeah, type 2. They diagnosed you type 2. Red band has type 2 as well? Yeah. Yeah. All right. You're barely done. No, he's not anymore. He changed his life around, which you could do at any point. Sam Talent looks fantastic. Yeah, he looks great. Great. Red Band's trying to do Sam's fat jokes from a year ago. Hey, you're fatter than me. Looks amazing. He looks a bit like the wizard from the. The Scarecrow from the wizard of Oz, to be honest. Wow. Oh, that's too mean. Yeah, that's a brand new movie over in Perth, Australia. Just got that one. Dude. I had some early good jokes and now I'm fucking bottling. No, you're doing good. I love how hyper aware you are. Yeah. Do you take any. Oh, my God. Sorry, it's choked on a pub. Do you take anything before you go on stage or is this all raw, natural excitement? Yeah, I'm just like frenetic all the time. Just panicking. Yeah, you are. I'm not comfortable in my own skin, to be honest. I'm like O.J. simpson's hand in a glove. Hey, knock. Not comfortable in your own skin. Tell me about it. Yeah, not comfortable. Did you tell the story that Sam wanted you to tell about? You gotta tell that story. I don't remember the story. I tell the story. So you lost like, fucking, what, Millions of dollars on stock market and then you called the suicide hotline in Australia and they sent a guy over to your house and what happened? Well, he came there in white gloves on a scooter, and I said. And he was meant to be medicating me. And I said, like, I've lost all this money. I lost $1.4 million. And he was like, $1.4 million, that's so bad. If I had $1.4 million, I quit this job and leave immediately. And it's like, you're not helping it. You. Yeah, that's basically what happened, man. That is a great story, Sam. Do you have any other of his stories that he could tell? Yeah, he's better at the stories. You had to tell half the story before. He's like, oh, yeah, I remember that happened to me. I mean, dude, this guy, this guy, like, he's open for being Australia, and you do not want to follow this guy. It's brutal. You're a killer. But he gets here Monday and I text, egg it. And I'm like, hey, my buddy's in town. McCann tells him, you get on over there, you fucking. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. You bombed horrifically. So bad that you texted me. So, so sorry, mate. Straight on my way to the airport. Yeah. I was in America for 24 hours. I ruined your good name. You worked so hard to build this. Now I've ruined it. I've dragged it through the mud and I think said, I wish I had my money back. Yeah. Yeah, he did. So then I text egot and I'm like, oh, sorry about my guy. He said he bombed. And he was like, well, many people in the room would agree with that. I thought he was delightful. Yeah. He said, my set. My set was cute. Oh, that's a ringing endorsement. But we say the C word quite a lot. You'd have to beep it out. Yeah. Every second line. Because you're performing to mine miners. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. In Perth, you are. They're all underground miners. Don't really understand, you know, they've seen. What. Where are these miners at? That you think, yeah, what. What, underage people or the. The miners? I don't know. You tell me. You said it. Mining people that go down the hall. Right. Do you know, they're pretty dumb. You just got to do sounds and movement. Still don't know which one you're talking about. Yeah, I don't. Oh, okay. Now I got it for sure. Comedy in Perth. I love it. I kill over there. You. You're doing great. How many other shirts like that do you have? What's this? How I'll say it in slower, in English shirts. No. How many other shirts like that do you have? I like your shirt. I've only got one shirt. I lost everything. I told you. Perfect. Truly, for me. I'm sleeping in this. I'm living in this. I'm going to get buried in this. Let's be honest. Unbelievable. I love that. But it's a great shirt. Thanks, mate. Absolutely. So how long are you in America for? I leave tomorrow, but I'm coming back, unfortunately, you guys. When are you. When are you coming back? As soon as possible. But why are you leaving, then? Oh, well, I've got to get the visa Sorted. So it's in process. Oh, people are helping out, all right. She got a MasterCard. They take it 99% of places. Samuel Fish, thank you so much. I think you're absolutely hilarious. Congratulations, Andrew Wolf. Thank you very much. Amazing stuff. Here, take a big joke book with you. That'll help with your Visa. Yes. Sell it in. All right. Hell, yeah. There he is, the great Andrew Wolf. Between him. Oh, my God. My God. The legend Paulie Shore has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. Paulie, grab that mic. Oh, my God. The crowd goes wild. Sorry. Sorry I'm late, dude. Sorry. You're good. You're here, buddy. I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah. How's the show been going? Good. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Cool. You're the third bipolar guy to come out tonight. Well, I'm also bisexual, so that's. That's good. Yeah, it's all happening. We love you, Paulie. What's going on, buddy? I just. I don't know if you guys know this. Rob Schneider's the. What? You said front runner for guest of the year. He's the front runner for guest of the year. Yeah. That's pretty fucking cool. Last year was Harlan Williams, and next year's gonna be fucking Adam Ray. No, the year before that was Adam Ray. The first guest of the year was Adam Ray. Second was Harlan Williams. Give it up for Red Band. What's up, bro? All right. He's our friend, Dave. Good. Good save, Goldberg. Friend of mine, saw you yesterday. Were you at a convention yesterday? I was. I was hanging out with our friends down there. Yeah, I was. I was. Yeah. Down, down. What was the. What was the convention? Is it a 90s convention or something? Was Mario Lopez. There was a meet your heroes from the late 80s convention. You know, many years ago, Tony, I did several films that touched America's heart. You are absolutely correct. I agree completely. Elaine, sit down. Sit down. So several years later, here we are. It still resonates. So that's why we go there. We give back the Jews called a mitzvah. We give back. You know what I mean? We give it back. So it's nice. Pauli, do you have something very heavy in that pocket? No, it's just my iPhone, bro. But, yeah, that's it. Yeah. When you say the Jews believe been giving back, what exactly are you talking about? Careful, careful, Paulie. Twitter. Easy. Talking about, like, if you slightly attack them, they give back a lot more than you did to them. Like, we mostly just give to other Jews, right? Yeah, I think so. That's what I've noticed. All right, well, I just wanted to say hello to everybody. Want to say what's up, Paulie? We love you. We love you, Paulie. Good y. Good y. To everyone, Weasel. One more time for the legend Pauly Shore. You never know who's going to stick their head out. You are in Austin, Texas, the comedy capital of the world. I know a lot of people think it's Riyadh, Saudi Arabia right now. I saw they called themselves the new comedy capital of the world on a post I saw today. Can you believe that? Riyadh, Saudi Arabia thinks they just bought being the new comedy capital of the world. Never. We turned it down. If you're wondering, Red Band and I turned down a million bucks each instead of going to Saudi Arabia, so. And they tripled it. Yeah, we said no. They tripled the offer. We said no again, because what's the point of standing up for America every once in a while if you're going to sell off at the last second? So, yeah, if anybody wants to donate. Yeah, this guy. This guy gets it. Thank you. I, on the other hand, accept it. But I miss my flight. It was a bus. You missed your butt. I missed my bus. Funny. We'll keep it in. This episode is brought to you by cbs. DMV is a brand new workplace comedy turning misery into magic and chaos into comedy. Starring Harriet Dyer And Tim Meadows, DMV is here to serve you laughs. Watch 10-13-837 30 Central on CBS and streaming on Paramount. Hey, what's up? This is Joe from Pass Gas podcast by Donut Media. We're an automotive history podcast. But you don't have to be a car person to enjoy our show. We tell the craziest stories, like the first Race Across America. It was basically 45 days of hell. Or how the humble caravans saved Dodge and allowed them to make the Viper. We've been doing this podcast for over five years now, and there are still so many crazy stories. It amazes me. It's basically like hanging out in the garage, chopping it up with your friends, hanging out, good vibes. So check out Past Gas wherever you get your podcasts. All right, back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket pool. Frankie Magoo. You have no idea how much shit is on your MacBook Pro and which you haven't deleted yet. Whereas you think your iPhone, you can just delete the text and photos, hide them. But when somebody that you've been with for, let's call it 15 years opens that MacBook Pro and guesses that password. You have no fucking idea what you said to your mom 12 years ago. You were not jacked. That that girlfriend of yours was coming home, demeaning or not, I would say the worst shit ever. Yeah, we were engaged after the ninth year. Called that off. Had a year and a half off. It's the best year and a half of my entire fucking life. We got back together because she saw how happy I was, because it legitimately was the time of my life. And we were together for four more years until she read the 15 years of my text messages and photos and that was that. All right, Frankie McGoo, ladies and gentlemen, with one of the most. What has to be one of the most. One of the most. One of the most. How do I. What do I say? What would I call this? One of the most silent receptions of the night? Your first comedian with absolute zero mental illness. This. And you guys wonder how the golden ticket winners get the golden tickets. I mean, this is what happens when you were raised with two parents. Am I correct? They were in your life the whole time, still together? Yes. Yes, I can tell. No trauma whatsoever. No, they hate one another. No childhood trauma at all. This is my first time at stand up. It's adorable. Okay, then you're for sure. My original Instagram name was cracker barrel kid 55. Wow. Amazing. So you've been watching this show for a long time? Day one. Day one. I love it. Well, well, you should have done a joke, Frankie. Yeah, but I love it. You decided to go with the true story. You took a chance, Polly Shore, and good gracious, yeah, you're in it. What you got going on back there, it's amazing. What are you saying? You got lost in Pauly Shore's eyes and that's why you bombed? That's a fact. Whoa, Frankie. This is the first time we've had. Oh, D Madness is back, ladies. Yeah, D Madness. Hey, dude. So, Frankie, let's talk about it. It's your first time doing stand up. Why did you not practice at an open mic or something like that? I've tried a few open mics around, but they've just been general. You know, eight to 15, 20 people, crowds. And I moved to Austin four or five months ago. To do stand up? No. Oh, no, I moved for work. Okay. What do you do for a living? Affordable housing. Finance, development. So I. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. All right, guys. I never said that I was good at comedy. It's okay. I love these people. I. We love you, Frankie. It's okay. It's all right. Everybody's got to start somewhere, right? That's right. Tell us something interesting about your life that we might find funny. You have an unbelievably ridiculously powerful hairline. You have no childhood trauma. Your parents are together. There's nothing funny about you so far, but trying to find it. This is the part where I try to dig deep into your soul and figure out what might be funny about you. So help me to understand. What do you think might be something. You've watched a lot of the show, you've seen almost every episode. You know how this part works. Give us some vulnerability or something, because your hair is about to eat your eyebrows. Your life is so perfect. You need this. So not at all that. That. There's just nothing happening. There's. Between. There was two comedians up here. Between the two of them, they had 15 personalities, and you have zero. And yet you stand there just like they did, holding the same mic that they did. Let help me find out what might be inside of there. What do you got? Anything you. I bet you just have a huge and everything, don't you? You got two laptops, a Costco card, and when you come, you say, good gracious, don't you? Exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. Elaine, you fucking sexy. You earned yourself a titty grab. That's right. Thank you. So here's some character. I moved to Texas, to Austin, with a company in which you got to get to the point. You gotta. I moved here, I resigned from the company, and I've been living Airbnb to Airbnb, scouring deals for the past, I don't know, six months. So I don't. You work in affordable housing? Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no. So I am, as of right now. I manage rental houses that I accumulated through Boo. Through college. Yeah. And so. Yeah, and so if you tell them to boo, they're definitely gonna boo. By the way, rule number. Rule number one is don't tell them to boo. This is a lot more action than I got over earlier. You like the booze rather than silence? Well, hell, yeah. I'm looking at all these people with smug faces, and they're like, boo. No, the problem is they were expecting jokes, and that's why it's not smug there. It's confusion and disdain and anger. That's. That's. I asked you what might be funny about you, and you start going on and on about how you're. So you're compiling Airbnbs in the city let's try a little harder to find out what might be funny about you. It's a valid. You ever sat on a whoopee cushion? Or an old lady? Or an old lady's face? Yeah. When you were in college at Ole Miss, how many sorority girls did you kill? That's a good question. That's a great question. I would love to hear the answer to that. Hottie toddy, huh? Hotty toddy. That's so dangerously accurate. It. Yeah. No. Is it the murder thing? I don't even think there was a murder at LSU or at Ole Miss. Was there? I don't know. You went to lsu, so did you go to Ole Miss or lsu? I went to the University of Alabama. Okay. Wow. Oh, well, again, don't say boo. That can't be your catchphrase. It's not a good idea. I have a legit question. Not. Not a great catchphrase at all. You don't want to keep doing that. Just make sure they let them initiate the booze. Yeah, you don't understood Tone. Yeah, I have a legit question. So comedy sometimes comes from laughing at yourself, right? So is there something self deprecating? When Tony asked you what's funny about you, you started telling your fucking Wikipedia page, nobody gives a fuck. So dig deep. Think about something that you've done that you go, God, that was embarrassing. But with a little perspective would be funny. Let me fucking finish. To strangers. You know what I'm saying? So what's something that you did was embarrassing? Maybe you could go, oh, that's actually probably pretty funny to tell a stranger. Understood. I just. Hold on. There's a. I just realized right now that there's a pregnant woman in the front row. And I want to say that, Frankie, you might be worse than Tylenol for an unborn baby. Like, there's almost no doubt that that baby's gonna be traumatized from this side. If you. If we look, listen closely enough, I think you hear it. I thought she was just queefing, but yeah, I'll show you a queef, Samuel. Oh, let's do it. Put it up to there. Pin it. Put it up. Red man, you better be ready for this. Here we go. Very. You're welcome. Very good, Red Band want to be 16 to $20. All right, I'm gonna try one more time. I can literally hear the Internet right now going, why is this guy still on the stage? I can hear it. I'm gonna try one more time with you. Give us something, some type of vulnerability. What about Your life or something about you might be funny again. You have to be a little bit quicker. If you give them a chance, they're going to do that. They hate, hate you. They hate you. And I know what it's like. Look at me. I'm unlikable too. But I, I figured out ways. I, I. Tony, give that guy a joke book. There you go. Pass it back. He's right behind you. There you go. There's a little joke book you have to write. You suck dick on the first page though, cuz that is your big phrase. Did you do that? That's what you, you should do. Do more of that. That would be great. Get him. Thank you. Get him back. Attack him. The guy that said you suck dick. What do you have to say to him? Come on. Don't think about it, just go. Let it rip. Come on. Get him. Hurry up. Say something. Who? Who? Jesus Christ. God damn it, dude. This is unbelievable. Hey, I'm going to buy your house. Cuz I'm a rich white guy who gets away with everything. Yeah. I never, I never, I've never known pain in my entire life. I roll through life with perfect teeth and skin that a woman would kill for. This is. I don't need this from you, pig. This is it. Get in there, dude. Say it. I can't got. Okay, listen. What I have. Say, say, say something. You. Hey, you, you know, you know. Jeez. I. Give me for smoking the, the guy from New York's weed. The nf. The Exorcist. Oh, now you're high. Wait a minute. Boo. Who would ever be high on this show? I also just want to point out you do have like female scratch struggle lines on your hands. And I just spent a 25 day outdoor solo trip in Idaho archery. Elkon, oh my God. Everything about you. But listen to me because there is a silver lining here. All right? And I know you're used to a silver spoon, which is different. But listen to me. If you're serious about this at all, at all, take the major note that Sam Talent just gave. If you're gonna be the heel, lean into it. Be that guy. Go. I will buy your be that be you. Because it seems like that's who you are. You're not silly, silly joke guy. You're not dead with one liners. You're not Medina relating to what it's like being that type of person. You're you. So if you're a, you know, a guy with money, that's all about business. Well, that is what you are. Well, then what. What are you? That's just what I. I dressed like the unibody. Okay, I'm getting you out. I gotta get you out of here. I love it. There you go. I can't stand it. Good luck. Salute indeed. Put the mic in the mic. Mic stand. Tony would love to have you on his Tony Hinchcliff and Friends show coming up. Red. All right. That guy sucked. Yeah. Yeah. He was also the scariest one. Dude, I was right here for date raping. Yeah, he didn't have any punchlines, but his creepy disposition was awful. We gave him every fucking chance. What do you want? All right. I kissed Elaine to save his fucking set, and I've never been more alive. Mike, get over here. D Madness. You would hate this. What the. Give me some of that. Oh, my God. Who can play your gay game, Samuel? This show is out of control, ladies and gentlemen. And back, I think bucket we go. All right. This is a fun one, ladies and gentlemen. This guy just moved to Austin very recently, a couple months ago. I do believe he's been signing up for a while. He used to work at the Comedy Store. This should be fun. Make some noise for a minute from Fang Chow, ladies and gentlemen. Stop it. That's not my language. I speak English. Okay, let's go. In the middle of the pandemic, people started to hate Asians in this country. A lot of bitch ass Asians were scared. My Chinese mother was one of them. She called me up, she goes, hey, Feng Chow, don't go outside. It's dangerous. I'm like, mom, don't be a little bitch. I'm not afraid of being Asian. As a matter of fact, I've never been so proud of being Chinese. Because Chinese people make number one virus kill Everybody should have been everyone laughing. If you didn't laugh, you might be the problem that this country's failing. I'm gonna call China after the show. I'll get China on the phone. I'll be like, yo, assholes, upgrade our virus. Thank you. The pride of Beijing, China, and Los Angeles, California, and now Austin, Texas. Welcome to the show, Fang Chow. Yes, sir. You've been my Chinese friend for a while. When did you start at the Comedy Store? The real Fang. I've been Tony's friend for a while. Yeah, no, you're a Chinese. I asked you a question. When did you start at The Comedy Store? 2015. 2015. Amazing. And it is true. In 2021, there was this big Asian hate thing. You remember this? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. And that's what I'm talking about. So interesting, because there really wasn't Asian hate as you remember. But the media kept saying that for some reason, the liberal controlled media kept repeating it so many times over and over again. And when they repeated something over and over and over again, people react to it. And eventually it became a thing that Asian hate was a thing, you know? But you're here saying that it wasn't a real thing. Right. Whatever. I'm just being Asian. I'm not afraid. Hate me. Yeah. Well, I think that it's fair to say that America's healing when you see a Chinese guy doing Shane Gillis arm. So I like that. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. What's Shane Gillis arm? When you stand like this behind your back, like every typically white guy does on stage now. Really? Oh, yeah. That Shane thing. Bary does it. This was a Shane thing. Yeah, that is too. The hand. And then this. What does he have everything. What are we supposed to do with this extra hand? I don't know. Everything's a Shane thing. Now he does this. Yeah. You know, comedy. Yeah. That's Shane Gillis duo. Right. Elaine, you're so good at impressions. Fang Chow, how's Texas been treating you? Good. Tell us about it. Very good. I. I love the people here. I love the people, the food. Comedy is here. It's the Mecca. That's why I'm here. You been to Baki yet? I'm. I'm a real comedian. Yes, yes. Love it. Absolutely. I love chopped cheese. There is really good. Gummy bear is very good. Have you tried the Texas cheesesteak burrito by any chance? That's my go to. It's very good. Believable. Yummy. No doubt about it. What else is going on? Fang Chow, you got a girlfriend? What's going on? I do. I do. I do. That's about it. I do. Beautiful lady. I got a beautiful lady. Smart. Smarter than me. Okay. I'm not afraid of smarter ladies in my life. I'm an idiot, right? I barely speak the language. I need someone to guide my life. Go, lady. Okay. Very politically correct answers I'm getting from you. Anything crazy about your life that you want to share with the people out here? Anything crazy? Oh, bird flu. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Watch out. Yeah. Three people died in the front row. I'm not sorry. Your immune system is not my fucking problem. Anything crazy? I got stabbed during Asian hate. There you go. Let's talk about that. That's kind of crazy. Let's talk about that. What exactly happened? You Were at a sushi restaurant and knife fell down. What happened exactly? Tell us about this Asian. I got stabbed by a next door neighbor. Okay. For what? For being Chinese. Okay, can you tell Paint the picture a little bit for us there, super victim. Okay, that's fair. So what exactly happened? You're welcome for the laughs. They just came into your place and just go, you're. No, it's my next door neighborhood. In the middle of the pandemic. We used to be cool. We used to be cool. And then he just started hating Chinese. She, He. Okay, so when you got stabbed. Yeah, tell us about that. I came home from like a hike and then I was walking to my door and I was talking to a lady next door to ask her to come to the store. Watch me do stand up trying to fucking the comedy store. You're flirting with the lady. Yeah, yeah. Take always hard. Different color than yours, but always hard. Yeah, yeah, that's plenty of jizz. You have to do the five inch punch. Just excited. Yeah, I want to hear about this. So you're talking to a woman and then the guy. And then the guy's kitchen window is facing that lady's door. And then I turn around, I heard him say fucking Chinese. And then I'm like, alright, no big deal. I've known this guy for a while. And then I came back on this side of the building. He lives in the back. And then I was walking to my door and he came out with a chair and something shiny. It was like evening time. Like I don't know for sure it's a knife. He threw the chair at me and didn't hit me because I'm fast, right? Can't get hit by a chair. Fucking rock star. And then I was like, what the fuck is this about? And he's like, you know what this is about? And he was already charging at me. White guy. Yeah, white guy. Really? Yeah. And then he's like, you know exactly what this is about. And he was already in my face. And then I gotta take a couple stabs on my chest. Huh. Did you know you. I'm alive. It's not that scary. Okay. Right. I got it. I got it. I'm here. Were you ever attacked for being Chinese before this? No. And you haven't been attacked since? I'm usually the attacker. I understand. People like to talk in this. I understand. Beat their ass. So do you think that. Do you think that it's a coincidence that that happened then? Or do you think that perhaps the media saying that there's Asian hate could create. The media saying Asian hate isn't not good for Asian. It's not good for. For sure. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah. They can cause a lot of the violence in the country, for example. For sure. Right. So when they. Yeah, they want to fucking brainwash all the people in the country, and then they just like, oh, yeah, you listen to me. I'm like, no, right. Because before that, it was mostly. What, the Ninja Turtles? That was based on a true story. You know, New York in the 80s was nuts. You were there? Oh, yeah, yeah. Where did you get stabbed? On my chest. They're, like, right here. I got three stabs. Three stabs. And then I was, like, lucky enough, I was fighting him, and I got him under control, and there were a couple comics living in my building. I was just yelling. Then they came out. But three is good luck in your culture, right? Yeah, six is good. Oh, sorry. Times two. Three times two. Right, right, right. Yeah, I'll do the number joke. What was your move to. It was the year of the Rabbit, so he had a good luck charm, you know, Foot. Oh, yeah. So is the guy in prison, like, he. He did. It was because of the pandemic. Like, our county jail is not holding anybody right. For that time. Yeah. They didn't even prosecute the guy, right? No. California, ladies and gentlemen. Unbelievable. What a shit city. Yes, indeed. Well, it's a state, but we'll move on from this. Is. Is there something about your. Your defense mechanism? Like, you said, you fought back, but I don't want to say you're a bad fighter, because I've seen you fight online. You're very good. But what was your move? What was your first move? No, I was just trying to wrestle him out of the of my way. Like, he was already, like, stabbing me. Like, I can't. No Kung fu. No, no. Like, okay, that's not racist. I've seen him do kung fu on YouTube. Yeah, I was seeing the movies. Right? Yep. Yeah. Did you forget? I was just, like, trying to get him off me. It was stabbing me. I was just trying to, like. And I tricked him, like. And then he was on the ground. I tricked him. You tripped him. He was drunk. And then I kicked his leg, and then I tripped him. Them. Yeah. You tricked him. You were like, hey, look at that. Psych. Look at that Asian guy. Here, try this. Coca Cola. More than one Asian Psych. It's Pepsi. Yeah. Fang Chow. You're the man. Very interesting stuff. I'm glad you moved to Texas. Welcome, welcome. Great stuff. I'M out of big joke books right now. We'll get you one later. Thank you, guys. The great Fang chow, ladies and gentlemen. All right, very, very interesting. We're gonna keep it moving along. You guys still having fun out there? Make some noise for Heidi, everybody. You know, she has a brand new podcast, Love on the Line with our. With the other great beauty, Valerie Vaughn. They're interviewing people. It's fun. It's too hot chicks. Joe derosa was just on. David Lucas Rampage Jackson. Love on the Line. If you like podcasts with fat tits, that's the show to listen to. Or you could watch Red Band do VR also, if you like that. Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug Limu. Is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Savings vary unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Co. Affiliates excludes Massachusetts. This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge. Nice choice hitting up this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving in a tape everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like White Claw Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the night's just begun. With bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume. Unleash the night. Unleash White Claw Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors. 8% alcohol by volume. White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois. All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Patrick Casadei. Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick Casadei. Mothership. What is up? Happy to be here, guys. I want to talk about important issues going on in America. It's pretty controversial right now. You know what I'm talking about, right? Lesbian sex. These girls are doing it all wrong. I saw one with a strap on on the other girls on her knees sucking it. And the girl that was standing there was like, oh, my God, it feels so good. And I couldn't help but laugh. I started laughing, right? And while you're coming is not the best time to laugh, guys. Wish I had a time machine, huh? Speaking of time machines. Segue. Why do people say if I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and I'd kill baby Hitler? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why don't they just say I'd kidnap him and raise him, right? I don't. I think these people are Lazy. Speaking of Hitler, guys, he might be in heaven. Yeah, yeah, Seriously, because if you just ask Jesus to forgive your sins right before you die. Oh, that's my time, guys. Thanks. Oh, damn. Patrick Cassidy, ladies and gentlemen. Patrick, how long you been on stand up? About a year. Almost about a year. Talking to the microphone patch. Came out here last year to do the show and for about nine weeks, and that's what kind of got. Got me into comedy afterwards. Your second time on the show? Yeah. Okay, what happened your first time on the show? What did we find out about you that's interesting? I came out here after my father passed away. Okay. What else? Do comedy. And you're like, yeah, because he didn't want to see you do comedy. And I was like, yeah, that was a good one. But that was a. That was what you gave me. Patrick, are you inebriated right now? Did you drink before this? Did you have a drink? No. You didn't? I had, like, a sip of a drink, but that's about it. You had a sip of a drink? My adrenaline's pumped right now. Your adrenaline's pumped right now? Have you been practicing? Have you been doing? Yeah. Okay. A lot. Why don't you do another joke? Why don't you do another joke? Why don't you take a breath and do another joke? Do something else. Try something else. Redemption. So anything else? Patrick. Here he is. Patrick Cassaday. Guys, anybody ever walk in on their parents having sex when they were younger? 27 times. I came out here last year. It was only 14 times. I need to get my new place, I think. All right. There you go. Yeah, that's better. And that's how it's done. Yeah. They want to like you, you know? Yeah. Patrick, tell us more about you. What have you been doing since the last time on the show? Well, my plan was to go back and sell my dad's mobile home and move back out here to do comedy. I went back to Sacramento, and I had a big Kill Tony party with all my friends. They came, and about a half an hour after the show aired, I got a call from the hospital, and my mom had died. Oh, my God. So I know my comedy kills. Was your mom watching perhaps? No, she was past that stage, but she. She'd heard all those jokes before, so. Well, that's good news. She went back to Sacramento to sell your dad's mobile home because he had just passed away. Yeah. You have a party for a viewing party, and literally right after the party, you find out your mom passed. Yeah, I literally went from the biggest high to the lowest low you could possibly. What did your mom pass away from exactly? Conge. Heart failure. Red fan. It feels like every fan of that. I think that's how he's going to go, folks. It feels like every time you do the show, something terrible happens in your life. Kind of like I want to call everybody and make sure they're all right after this. Yeah, or just stop doing this if I'm killing this. Good, good. I mean, you are somewhat affable. You've got special teams coach and Madden energy. All right, special compliment. Do you have any kids or anything? No, no kids. That's good. Yes. Yeah, there's no one left to die after this viewing party. You're going to have no one above me, no one below me. So it's like, why are you in here? Amazing. Do you have a girlfriend or something? Patrick? No, I got a ex wife. Okay. Of course. You. You're close with your ex wife? Yeah, we're best friends. Oh, nice. Okay, well, maybe she'll die when this episode ends. What? What does she do for a living? She does insurance. What do you do for a living? Actually, I'm looking for a job if anybody's hiring. What are you good at? Grim reaping? F Funeral homes are hiring. Killing everyone he's ever loved. Resume. That was funny, Sam. Plug your Twitter. Actually, I saw Sam last night. I was sitting right there. Yeah, yeah, you were lovely. You were laughing really hard. I'm loath to make fun of you, cuz. So what are you good at? Let's try to get you a job. What can you do? What do you have experience in? I used to manage a bunch of insurance offices and I had a. I owned my own brokerage. But was it life insurance? It was not. That would have been good, right? I mean, it would have been convenient. Yeah, for sure. I could have example. But no, I. I'm hoping to get a job in comedy. That's why I came out here. I'm in the same RV I was in last year. Towed it out here and sold both. Both mobile homes because I had to sell my mom's mobile home after she died. Wow. That one. She cost me a bunch of money. But the funeral cost you a bunch of money? Yeah. Well, back to backs, you know, like. Right. Wasn't expecting that exactly. Kind of went out all on dads and then. Were they together still or. No, they actually lived together, but they've been divorced for 50 years. Almost divorced for 50 years. Meanwhile, they passed away right near each other. Isn't that amazing? Was it a gas leak? Yeah, they had separate mobile homes, so unless he's the one releasing the gas. Were there any. Were there any pets around? You know how Gene Hackman and his wife died? And the dog was there too, and everybody thought the dog. I thought the dog did it. Did you ever hear about that? No. No pets around. I don't know. Gene Hackman was dead. Yet your mom. Your life's just getting worse and worse. Sorry. Gene Hackman's dead. Four scum. Jenny with AIDS and Air Bud can play football. Elaine, how do you know about all this? Google. Wow. Amazing. I didn't know you knew how to Google. Oh, I've got WI fi everywhere, even in my red band. Wow. Glass shattering. Stone cold just came out of your. Yeah, the stone cold pussy. God, I hope so. Cold did. Let's look at. Let's play some optimism games here. Patrick, what type of job in comedy are you looking for? Because being a former insurance broker doesn't really help. It doesn't help at all. I'm really looking to just get any entry level job anywhere at a comedy club. Just so I'm not. Money's not just hemorrhaging out every month, right? How much money do you have left right now? About 15 grand left in the bank. 15 grand left in the bank. RV plus spots. Like 1600 bucks a month. So it's like your RV spot, people, is 1,600 bucks. About three. Three going out every month. Okay, so. All right, well, plus I spend. God Damn. Spend about 300 bucks a month here. Yeah, yeah. Getting tickets here. So, I mean, that's a good idea. But I do like that you're wearing a mothership. You're wearing, like the band shirt to the concert. That's. This is the first one I bought online. Like when the. Very tight, very tight. What did you see last year? Way tighter. About 40 pounds lighter than it was here last year. So. Mazel tov. Congrats, man. Say heavier. All right. This guy's excited. The crowd that is taking control of the show, ladies and gentlemen. Very good. Let's pay attention up here, guys. So, Patrick, any parting words before you leave? Just. I love this place, man. Just keep doing it, Tony. You keep. You keep doing it, buddy. Don't stop. Something's gonna happen for you. I know, I know. Patrick. Patrick Cassaday. Keep trying, Patrick. Take chances. You gotta keep practicing so that you're less nervous next time. That's the trick. That's what you do it for. All right, maybe don't do any crystal meth? That'd be helpful. Yeah. Someone close to him is gonna die. I just want you to know that. I don't think there's anyone left that is. No. He said he's the only one. What's the fucking point? That was one of his fun asides he had. What he say? He said I'm the only one left. What's the fucking point? Oh, shit, man. We're gonna find out. There might be an RV for sale in the next couple months. This looks like a fun name. Looks like a new name. Make some noise for Big Chuck, everybody. Here comes the Big Chuck. Hell, yeah. Dude, what's going on? I got a lot of inventions I've been working on lately. My latest invention is a new breakfast cereal. The working title is Oops All Shrooms. I like to eat shrooms for breakfast, dude. It's pretty fun. Yeah, it's working out. I'm down a couple pounds and I'm up a couple IQ points. So it's working, dude. Hell, yeah, I eat shrooms for breakfast. It makes your day a little weird, you know? The other day I had shrooms for breakfast, forgot, ended up donating blood. I was like, oh, no, dude. My blood's supposed to be going to help sick people, but some cancer kid is going for a ride, dude. He's gonna meet God a little sooner than he hoped. Thank you. All right, 55 seconds of eating shrooms in the morning material. Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck. Welcome to the show. You're not as big as I was hoping you would be with the name Big Chuck. On this show. You're more of a medium. Thanks, buddy. Medium Chuck, welcome. How old are you? I'm 39. 39? You don't look a day under 55. It's incredible. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yes, sir. How long you been on standup? About two years. A little under two years. Where at? Reno, Nevada. Wow, you were expecting a big response there. You're the. He gets electrocuted when he answers a question. Like he's going to levitate. Reno, Nevada. That makes sense. What do you lack in punch lines? You make up for in volumes. And that's fine. Thank you. The biggest little comedian we've had on the show all day. So what do you do for work, Big Chuck? I do video and audio production, but I'm about to get laid off, so I am open to doing a Mexican drum off for Red Band's job. No. Great. Red Band's job. There you go. All right, Big Chuck, you married? You have kids? Yeah, I'm married. I have a son. He's 8 years old. And I have a dog, too. What's his name? The dog or the son? Either one. My. Okay, Goose. Okay, what's the dog's name? You scream everything. And there's such an anticlimactic silence after. I imagine us going out later and you're like, we're going to another bar. Fuck. I love you. Keep going. What's. What's the son's name? I love the gray beard. It looks like you went down on a lane before the show. Yeah, dude, play your cards right, must be why your breath smells like Red Bull right now. Too soon? All right. Okay. Here's a little joke book. Thank you. Congratulations. Great job. Big Chuck, everybody. Big Chuck. It's a very, very interesting back side of the show. The B side of this show is very interesting. Well, this name looks promising. Make some noise for Matthew Coffin, everybody. Coffin. I've got a major issue with people not getting words right anymore these days. I was watching Van Jones do this interview with these four black folks that voted for Trump, and one of the gentlemen said, I like him because he's an asshole. He says what he means and he means what he says. And I'm like, that's not what a fucking asshole is. We had a beautiful movie that came out years ago called Team America, World Police, made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker that told us the difference between a dick and a pussy. And an asshole pussy wants to bitch and complain about everything and make everybody miserable. Everybody. An asshole wants to shit all over everything and ruin everybody's fucking lives and day. But then you have the dicks who are willing to stand up and do the right fucking thing no matter what, no matter people like it or not. And pussies and assholes hate dicks because dicks fuck pussies and assholes. And Donald John Trump is the dick we hired to fuck the pussies and assholes. And I love, love, love what he's doing with the Oval Office. He's turning that shit into a modern day fucking Piper's pit. And I love it. I'm just waiting for the day one of these world leaders mouths off to him and he says, that's interesting. Can you look over there for me? And while they're bent over looking the other way, he turns over and picks up a fire extinguisher and shoves up the guy's ass and says, all right, there. Matthew Coffin, a very interesting rally speech you just gave. Let's Talk about it. How long you been doing stand up? July. July. Okay. Good answer. Where are you from? I was kind of get to Delaware, sir. Delaware. Do you know your state representative? Sadly, you do. You probably don't. Like we always say, yo, he's from Pennsylvania. He's not from Delaware. Who's that? What are you talking, Biden? Yeah, we're talking about, you know, a lady named Medina. Medina? No. She's probably on a list you have. All right. Look at that. You see that red band? Look at that little doggie up there. Yeah, that's adorable. That's what makes you likable. That's how you get the victims closer to you. Amazing. What do you do for work? I've had 48 jobs since I was a kid. And I just picked up doorman work over here. Doorman's at Shakespeare's. Okay. How long you been doing that? That? Just a few weeks now. Nice. What's the dog's name? Look at that. Little cute. This is Lucius Fox. Oh, my goodness. Adorable. I don't know. How long have you had her for? He. Oh, you. Hey. Welcome. What the. Welcome back to. Don't do that again. My God. How dare you misgender my dog. I'm gonna touch his penis. Yeah. And then expose it to the whole crowd. And cameras. It's always a smart move to bring a cute distraction on stage. Yeah, that's good. And then never address it. Yeah, that's fun. He just goes wherever I go. I love it. His bed's my bed. So it's been quite a journey. He works with you at Shakespeare's? Yep, he works the front door with me. I love it. They're wonderful people over there. Yes, they are. They really are. We lost by. We love Shakespeare's. Okay, so tell us about your life, Matthew. Tell us some crazy shit about yourself. Well, that's what I was wondering where you wanted to start. And I was like, well, I guess the beginning is the best bet. I cracked my head open and ripped my lip off my face before I had heart surgery at 2 years old. Wow. Okay. I was to prove it. Sorry, sir. What's crazy? Ma'? Am. Go ahead. It's fine. It's. Don't misgender, Elaine. Yeah, or I'll touch her. What was the heart surgery for? What was the condition? It was a birth defect. And it was funny because my dad was on the. My biological dad was on the phone with my mom while she was pregnant with me, and he said, oh, nobody in my family has any heart problems. And he hung up the phone. But basically it was a blockage between the first and second chamber that made it so enough blood couldn't transfer through to the next chamber. And it was making my heart swell to where it could have exploded. But there was also a hole in my heart the size of a quarter in the fourth chamber and allowed enough blood to drain out of it, so it didn't explode. Wait, did a doctor say that if you don't get this done with, your son is going to explode? It's pretty bad. There was actually another girl. A little Indian mother and her child were in there and had the same condition as me, and she didn't make it. My mom had to console the lady. Wow. But it was kind of. Kind of spiking the football, huh? And I don't. And I don't actually. I don't actually have this memory, but my mom told me very explicitly, like, it's been a pretty emotional couple months, once. But she had to explain to me. She was like, yeah, you've always liked wrestling. She was like, you had this IV thing in your neck in the lobby. And I said, look, honey, Hulk Hogan's on tv. And she said, I turned my head so fast the IV popped out of my neck and blood's just squirting out on the floor and people are cleaning it up and I'm just like, Hulk Hogan. So, you know, a lot of people have a different idea of a fun story than I do. Everyone who comes up here is like, oh, here's a fun anecdote. Tell at dinner parties. There was blood everywhere. Tell us about your adult life. Anything crazy happen then. Well, if you want to move a little further, you want to skip to my virginity when the girl ran away from Colorado on a greyhound to come see me in Delaware. And her dad got there before she did. Yes. Okay. What did dad do when he got there? Oh, he got. He was like. He saw me working at the shave. I stand getting ready to make some milkshakes and shit. And he was like, oh, I see you're a nice looking young gentleman. I can see why she came out here for you. It was actually pretty cool. They were big Buddhist. They were actually very, like, peace, pray and humble bumble, like Buddha Buddhist. Did you end up the girl? Yeah. That night. All right, dad. And. And. And I earned my red mustache and red wings on the first. Okay. See what I mean? Right? What the. This is what I'm talking about. Yeah. My goodness. At least I. I have a question. Why is your tongue bright blue? Can you can you stick your tongue out and expose why the fuck your tongue is bright blue. Has no one seen that? Joe Rogan and you guys had to make a mecca for maniacs. And then Alex Jones got us all hooked on methylene blue and now here we all are. Sure that's not fruit striped gum? That's. Wait, don't. Maybe this is a Veruca salt thing. You're turning violet, Violet. That's my favorite scene in that movie. Yeah, well, didn't she also almost explode? Wow, you don't happen to love blueberries, do you? It's okay, we'll edit this out. I thought Tony said. I didn't hear. I'm sorry. It's fine. No, I didn't get a chance to snap. Yeah. So let's talk about now. What are your goals now? Well, you're working at Shakespeare's. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's a hard hat. For those of you that don't know, I've had 48 jobs since I. There's a shell inside of his baseball hat that is hard because of the trauma to your head. Yeah, I. I was actually wearing this. I worked at the last job I had in Delaware, like job 45 or whatever was a union job. And I was up on the mezzanine, so a floor between the floor and I was up near the steer girders. The. The conveyor belt jammed. I got up on the conveyor belt, unjammed it, released it. Now I'm on a moving conveyor belt. It ran the back of my head into a steel girder and knocked me cross eyed. I started throwing up and stuff. Like it was pretty wild. And the methylene blue, actually not the like. Hey. But actually kind of helped with the post. Concussion. Absolutely. Sam Talon, do you have any stories that don't involve a traumatic wound? Yeah, like you ever had a nice sandwich? I used to. You ever been a Knott's Berry Con? I've had my time, my little bit of time of hanging out and getting to know some people. I was trained by Van Hammer and, and Damek Devitt, Corporal Punishment. And I trained as a professional wrestler starting at the age of 14. Okay, and how bad did you get hurt? Huh? Did you fucking cut a toe off and there was blood everywhere. There's some scars from that and stuff and some head trauma stuff, but mostly probably emotional damage, but it was my fault. I burned bridges and screwed things up, but I was a kid, I was young. And check in with Elaine here. I have a great question. This won't be wasting anyone's time. You talk fast and you're somewhat articulate for being such a fucking spazoid. I'm sorry. No, you're very likable. No, you're likable and I'm sorry. You've been through what you've been through. We get to just around and make poo poo jokes and you're. You've been through some doing real jobs. So thank you for your service. But Also, you said 48 jobs. Could you name all 48? Nope, he can't. Here's a little joke book. There you go, buddy. There he goes. Matthew Coffin, everybody. Right. But could he. If somebody asked him. He can't. He can't. I know. For no. Like, how about one more time for Lucius Fox, ladies and gentlemen. Lucius Adorable Dog. All right, one more bucket pool. We know this guy. He's hilarious. He works here. Make some noise for Lock Cougar, everybody. Lock hoger. Yo, yo, yo. All right, so I meditate a lot, you guys. So here are some thoughts I've had while meditating. Do real plants. Look at fake plants and think, why is this nigga not breathing? Yeah, here's another thought. It seems like a waste of earth to bury midget six feet deep. Like six feet. Bury that little nigga in a mailbox or something. Yeah. I've also noticed that job interviewers will ask you, what's your biggest weakness? Then be surprised when you say big titties. It's like, come on, you asked. Humongo. Mommy milkers are my biggest weakness. All right. There's a lot of white people in here. Exactly one minute from the great Law Coger. You. Always amazing, always impressive. So glad we got you out of the bucket. Yes, very amazing. Appreciate it. How's it going, Law? Cool, man. Just, you know, try not to go crazy, you know what I'm saying? Why? What's going on? What's happening in your. Just with me, man. Let's talk about. Let's stay tuned. Hoes. Let's talk about the hoes. Yeah, bro. What are they doing? They behaving badly. Yeah. A bunch of misbehaving hoes. Misbehaving bitches, bro. Misbehaving bitches. I don't get it, man. Tell us about it. I just keep running into, like, non monogamous, like, polyamorous bitches. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yes. You mean whores, right? Yes, absolutely. How do you keep running into them? I'm a man. I love it. I love it. I be trying. What that's right. Shut your ass. Oh, my God. He said real. Recognize. Real. Just an old white. Yeah. Hey, my friend. Hey. Time for me to connect with one of the homies. Real. Recognized. Real. This guy. It's crazy. I didn't see him until you moved. Crazy. That's Freddy Magoo's dad. Tell us about it. What's up with these polyamorous pot pies out there? Tell us about it. Pot pies is crazy. Yep. Warm on the inside, crusty on the outside. Whoa. Felt the. I don't know. I'm just riffing. It's no big deal. People describing my love life. I thought Popeye. Popeyes is. Yeah, yeah. It's just a lot of it, man. Just going on dates. You know, I fall in love after the first fuck. Yeah. And go on just me. All right, whatever. No, man. Real Respect's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, he's putting up the one. One fist now, everybody. The white guy. Oh, two fists. Oh, the double jerk off. High pie. Yeah. Elaine, go ahead. What is the oldest hoe that you've been with? There you go. Right now. 46. Well, I got. You're looking to break that record. 77. You want to let me put my Ouija board on your chocolate slip and slide? Hey, man, I'll try anything once. Are you into women with big hands and an unbelievable amount of arm hair. Look at this. I. I was told specifically you wouldn't do that tonight. Adam E. Assured me you would not pull my left sleeve up that far. I mean, it is a lot of arm hair. I know. I eat my vitamin. Elaine, do you tie a lot of knots? Your forearms are huge. Yeah. What kind of workouts are you doing? Your shoulders are massive. Shredded pickleball. Mind your own business. Power knitting Law. Where can people find you? You are truly one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Give yourself a little plug. Where's. What's. Your Instagram or website or podcast or anything? Go ahead. Yeah, Instagram is Deadpan law on. You know, on Instagram, YouTube, Law, Coger. Deadpan Law. You know what I mean? Yep. Well, which one is it? D, E, A D, P, A N, L, A W. They got that part. Yep. Back on the secret show. Thursday. Law. Boom. Back on the secret show. You already have a big joke book. You want another one? Boom. There's Law. Law, everybody. Boom. Appreciate it. What an episode. Indeed. So many different levels. So many highs and lows and personalities and traumatizing stories and some people with no trauma at all. It's been A very compelling episode. And for me, there's only one way to end an episode like this, and that is with who some people call the Cubano Killer. The Mental Memphis Strangler. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Plastic Puppet. The Duke of Dietary. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery. I met a guy at the airport who told me he used to do comedy. And I said, oh, are you pretty good? And he said, yeah, I almost went viral. Wait, how do you almost go viral? That's like me saying, I almost got aids. Pro tip. When you get off a plane and walk out of the gate and the people are staring at you, waiting to get on, say loudly into your phone. I've never seen so many spiders on a plane in my life. A Princeton grad student has been released from Iraq after 900 days in captivity. Damn, how long was that thesis? Growing up, I was told I should be a doctor because my handwriting was so bad. And signing settlement checks to harass nurses. I was like a nasty dookery Houser Dooku has. Okay, that's my time. I could. Exactly one minute from the man with the most appearances on the show, the most interviews on the show, the living, reigning defending hall of Famer who just keeps adding on to his resume, William Lights out. Thunder Montgomery. Absolutely incredible. How are you? So nice to be here. Tony, I'm having the best time, and I'm so excited to see you. It always brings me an incredible amount of joy. You're so sweet. Stop. Absolutely stop. William, tell us about your life. How's it going? Oh, my gosh. I was in Tacoma this past weekend. It was a whole bunch of fun. And, Tony, it made me realize I have a joke that I've been telling now for a while. Unless atheists start having potluck dinners, I think I'll stick with Christianity. And it got a weird kind of response in the crowd, and I was like, what do we have, a bunch of fucking atheists in the crowd? And this one girl especially was very loud. And I got into this very long discussion with her. Luckily, people were laughing the whole time. But I was just telling her, I mean, you don't really know. I don't really know. It's a leap of faith you have to take. I mean, why are you going for this horrible dark part? Why would you want to maybe go to hell? That seems so incredibly foolish of you. And I just kept on so. It made me think, I maybe need to get into preaching. Tony, I think I've maybe. I think the Lord has been tugging at My heart. Yeah. And I think I might have to do that. So no doubt about it. It happens, you know, it's good for people to find something to believe in. And I just want to try to save Red band at some point because that guy's soul is so incredibly lost with his weird little glasses. What do you like do to record on that red band? I see you got the little glasses. The record. A bunch of bathrooms, probably. Bathrooms. Put the. Put the glasses. Yeah, put your face in the part of the stall. You can see the girls changing. That's what you told me the other day, brother. Why are you acting like an idiot? Yeah, he's looking at naked chicks in the mall, changing. He's nasty. Yeah, dude, you're gonna get sued. You're gonna get in trouble. Is this true you've been going to the mall Redback? Yeah, he's been going to the. Down the street. Straying away from the Orange Julius at the mall. Come to mention it, I do remember changing in the Nordstrom rack and hearing a guy outside going, Sam Talent. Hey. Yeah. Hey, you look good. Well, you do too. I know. Seeing pictures. You look wonderful. Thanks, man. Right back at you. Look at these arms. You look solid. I'm trying. You look went over. I went over 1200 miles since January, you guys, today, which that feels good. So it's been wonderful. I'm looking at you two next to each other. You two both at some points looked just like a lot of the stories that we heard here tonight. Multiple heart attacks possibly right around the corner. Hopefully my wife does it to me though. Yeah, that'd be preferable. And there you are. You've lost between the two of you more weight weight than I am. And it's incredible. Yeah, I lost 60 pounds. Yeah. Damn, that's wonderful. Thank you, man. That's great. William, tell us more about your life, man. This is incredible. The people want to know. Wet hand, buddy. That's a real. I have a really wet, cold hand. For anybody who ever wondered about my hands. They're really cold and wet all the time. I can actually see a listening on that. It is soaking wet. That is shaking. Disoral blister from the row machine. It's this nasty looking. There's one of these on Red's penis. Literally. Wow. I swear to God. Look at that thing. Yeah, it looks like a weird. Do you see that? Yeah, yeah. I got. I got something similar in between my thighs. I'll send you a link. William, you look like the ring master for a flea circus. Anybody ever tell you that. I love that. Have you been to the circus, though? Because you seem like you go outside a lot. You go to fun stuff, but, like, what are you doing when you're on the road and, like, you have some time to kill for yourself? I will walk around. I'll smoke some weed and listen to some music and walk around. I do that a lot. And there are people like, whoa, it's Pennywise. Yeah. Well, I have this, some sweet Australian purse that send me a hair hat with a whole face guard and everything. So I'm all face guarded up. And that helps with the sun. It also helps with. Nobody does that. No one. No one else alive does that. Yeah, it's a good signature look, but yeah, Tony, everything's. Everything's fine. You do seem a little extra moist tonight. Your hands are wet. I can see your armpits have a giant wet splotches. Dear God. Perhaps that is not the right shot shirt to wear when you're suffering from an uni. It's been horrible. I get Tacoma. My whole shirt. After one show, my whole shirt is soaked through with sweat. Because I think I sweat so much every day when the row machine that now I just sweat. The floodgates are open. So I think it's good. I think it adds sort of drama to what's going on up there. No doubt. Coming off. What are some other things that make you sweat in life, William? Oh, my gosh. Watching a good movie with a loved one. One. Wow. What else, William? What makes you sweat in life? So close to me. What makes William Montgomery sweat? The world wants to know. I'm getting in my ear. Yep. They want to know what makes the great Billy Boy McGumballs Sweat. Makes me. What makes me sweat. Probably meet it. Like maybe. Probably meeting something. Somebody Meeting somebody for the first time. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that'll make me sweat every time. I think everyone thought it was going to be something big, including the horn section. Just a normal human response. Yeah, you've been like talking to somebody or whatever and you made it. And it's like, gosh, that would make me. Dude. I met. I met Triple h and Stephanie McMahon this weekend. And I said to on because of Tony was nice enough to send them to the shows. And I met Triple H and I was like, man, my entire life I've been a fan. It's lovely to meet you. And then to Stephanie McMahon, I said, My entire life. So I blew it too, you know? Yeah. It's scary meeting people. What the fuck does my entire life mean? Yeah. What were you thinking? I don't know. But I've been thinking about it since. Yeah. Non stop. Yeah. My entire life. It. It's almost unbelievable. You mess up. It's unfathomably stupid. Yes. I met Lar Vorhees at a Hudson News once. Oh, the Lark. Huge. That's it. Not every story is going to crush tonight, William. Yeah, it is so good to see it. Does a sweating thing bother the fans or do they take it as like a sign of like, you're working hard for him? I don't know. Good question. I have no idea. That is a good question. What else makes you sweat, William? Maybe eating Cheetos in my bed at night. Yep. Ooh, I ate a bunch on Saturday. Yeah. Wow. Cuz I'm trying to stay kind of slim for the rowish. You just want to sit on my lap, bro. I mean, what I feel comfortable around. I love this. Yeah, you're good. Well, I feel comfortable around. I love being around you, man. Why don't you. Why don't you do that? Why don't you sit on Sam's lap for a second? Elaine had a big announcement. Announcement that she wanted to make. Elaine, you want to do it? I have a big announcement. First of all, how great was tonight's program? Was it not one of the best? We're not ending it yet. I know you don't want to do that because people watching might turn it off right now. Before you make that big announcement, I just wanted to give a shout out my big announcement. I'll end the show. I just wanted to say. I just wanted very hosty. Has anyone ever told you that? Seems like you do a lot of hosting of your own shows. Like, I mean, I see this like Dr. Phil show, very popular on YouTube. YouTube, on Netflix. It almost seems like you're kind of like that guy. Elaine, why don't you make your big announcement? My big announcement is I found my car keys, I'm cancer free, and William is having my baby. And I'd actually. William. William got me pregnant about six weeks ago. It was six weeks ago. Six weeks ago. And I have a little up in New York up at the big waterfall. Up at the big waterfall. Are you guys talking about. Amazing. Took her ass up there. It was very nice. I was talking about sweating before something. Before I met your ass. We did your favorite position. Yep. Where I get up behind you in the bathtub. Yep. Oh, yeah. Which I suggested just regular up against the fridge. But all of a sudden we're buck naked in the tub. So tomato, tomato, Ray Romano. But so it's happening. Well, so you're literally. You haven't told me about it. I have a song that I wanted to sing to you. That is something that's near and near to my heart. Why don't you. Why don't you stand up and do it over there? And if you know the words, sing along. Hit me, Ben. Slide down, Mike. William, give her. There you go. Give her your mic, William. I'm gonna take this one. I'm gonna take this one. I got you, buddy. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, the legend hall of famer, Elaine, everybody. I've traveled the world. I've seen everything. Come on. But tonight will be the greatest night of my life. It has to be where we. We've seen good jokes and bad jokes and Jews and blacks and that fat guy almost had a heart attack tonight. But guess what you get when you sign up for kill, Tony. You try your best. You hope that on your side is locked. And if you struck out, go back home and call me for a titty ball. Call me for a titty bump. Just a white man. Call me for a titty. You have my number. Call me back. I'm in the bathtub. Call me for a dating box. And I'm so happy you're pregnant. I'm so happy you're pregnant. I'm gonna give birth to a little clown. Wow. Elaine. Ladies and gentlemen, how about one more time time for the great William Montgomery. This show brought to you by expressvpn, Shopify and Bryce pick. Sam talent is going to Royal Oak, Michigan, Vermont and Denver. Comedy works over Thanksgiving weekend. Sam. Yeah. Thank you. Samtalent.com it's an honor. My entire life. Comedy.com he's the co host wanted. Host of co hosts wanted. It's all over YouTube. He's going to Fort Worth, Texas, Maine. Get tickets@mikeviniecomedy.com Elaine, what can I say? Plug yourself. Tell him all about what you're working on, guys. I am. My grandson, Adam Ray is doing the final Dr. Phil live in Los Angeles on December 16th. And then he just launched a huge theater tour for next January through April. Vegas, New York, Boston, Denver, Portland, Seattle. Adamraycondri.com I love you guys. Support her grandson Adamrae comedy.com Literally one of the biggest stars to ever come out of this show. Dr. Phil, Elaine, Jeremy, Tony Hinchcliffe. Adam Ray, full of surprises. Your grandson is amazing. We love him. Literally, like the greatest thing to ever happen to the show. You're unbelievable. Believable. One more time for Elaine. Everybody, the drawing from Ryan Je Belt. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, Timmy. No breaks. Look out Red band. Check out the sunsetstripatx.com tickets. A few tickets are still available for the arena New Year's Eve here. So for those of you complaining that you can never get tickets to kill Tony, this is your only chance. I'm also doing stand up in an arena in Salt Lake City. What can go wrong in Utah in an arena November 1st. Yikes. So much fun. We love you guys. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Calling for a city, calling for a city, calling for a city, calling for a city. The Sunset Strip Comes Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. SA.